ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - February 21st

Episode Date: February 20, 2020

We hosted a Comedy Gala Open Mic Night, Bet I Can Guess Your Mum's Name, Update on Rae Rae's meditationSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music. Lives here. Fletch Warner Megan. The podcast. Welcome to the show, Fletch Warner Megan. The birthday boy. Is that a birthday t-shirt? Yeah, this is a t-shirt. That's good. My wife made me. That's really good. Like Run DMC, the classic Run DMC t-shirt, but it's Land Rover. LND. RVR. That's good. Yeah. Very good. Yeah, thanks. I'm quite stoked for that. And you got a Land Rover cake. Yep.

And I ordered a book about Land Rovers but completely forgot. And that turned up on my birthday. What a twist of fate. And some parts for the Land Rover too. And they turned up and I'd forgotten I'd ordered them. This is great having this awful short-term memory. Yeah. Hooray.

Hooray me. But it's done now for another year. Birthday's not buying yourself Land Rover stuff. That's it. Yeah, right. It's going to be a year-round affair. Yeah, nice. While I wasn't tearing up, I just had a breakfast in my throat.

Lovely. Yep, that's great. Yep. Yep. Oh, well. Well, if you didn't tear up during that chat yesterday with Vaughn's dad, I don't know what's going to get you. I don't think I was the only one who didn't cry.

I cried again when I watched the video. I was just a mess. I can't promise I have to watch the video yet. Of your dad wishing you well? Yeah. Saying lovely things about you? Yeah. Visuals of your dad.

That broke me. Oh, boy. Yeah. Lovely, though. It was. All right, well, it's not your birthday today That broke me. Oof, wee. Yeah. Lovely, though. It was. Alright, well, it's not your birthday today. Move on. The top six coming up. Yeah. And school lunches.

Yeah. Yesterday, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern wasn't only handing someone a bottle opener in the Coru Club without even taking a beat from pouring her wine. Good to know that she's taking advantage of the free wine in Coru Club too, by the way. I'd hate to think the taxpayer was paying for her to go in there and she wasn't getting absolutely blitzed every time. Oh yeah, tell her.

I bet they wouldn't tell her off for taking a bottle back to her table. No, they wouldn't. And drinking straight from it like they tell us all the time. Yeah, that's so rude. We still try every time. We're going to drink that whole bottle. Yeah. But she was also

dishing up some free school lunches, some in-school lunches. A little bit of a review of it and six things I'd like to see added. All right. It's coming up.

All right, you lot. Listen up. It's story time. Another edition of Story Time. I give Vaughan and Megan three news headlines for weird, unusual, odd news stories. And you've got to deliberate, Vaughan and Megan,

and pick only one headline. Headline one, police chief stripped of duties. Headline two, 62-year-old sets record. And headline three, students assist with super flush. Super flush. Yes. Is it a new toilet setting? What was it?

No. Super flush. Is it cards related? Those are the two flushing things I know. It's toilet related. Okay. Okay. Huh. Huh.

Super flush. I think. Super flush? I can't remember the other two, so I'll go super flush. It is so Friday today, by the way. Police, chief stripped of duty, 62-year-old sets records or students assist with super flush. Oh, I don't want to hear about the 62-year-old sets records, or students assist with super flush. Oh, I don't want to hear about the 62-year-old setting records.

Was the super flush a whole lot of them flushed at the same time? Are we delving into this story? Yes, let's delve. Okay, well, we go to Texas now. And Texas Rangers, they must be a football club, right? Because there is a brand new stadium, and they have enlisted the help of 300 local school kids to break in the new

It's a baseball team. Oh, baseball. Globe Life Field. That's their new field where they'll be playing their matches and of course in this stadium's new toilets and they want to test the strain or the use of the toilets. Sure.

Before everybody turns up. So they're going to do a synchronised flush. So construction crews and 300 students from the local school conducted the super flush at 10.30am on Tuesday, flushing hundreds of toilets at the 1.8 million square foot facility all at once to make sure the plumbing could handle the strain. Synchronised watches. Now, officials said the event was successful

and the stadium is now 94% complete and it'll be completed in time for the Rangers' first game, March 23. And yeah, basically they just needed, because they've got 300 toilets, they needed 300 odd people to do it all at once. That's so cool. I've always thought that would be a cool idea to do in like a little town, like

everyone flushes their toilet at once and then you go to the local wastewater place and you see if it rises and stuff. You've always thought about that. It's something that you've always thought about. It's a wee dream.

But what if everyone in a town flushed their toilet at the same time? You think most of the, if you went to an older neighbourhood, a lot of the sewage systems and stuff would be bloody old. Yeah. I don't reckon they'd handle it. No. A new subdivision surely has been made, had allowances made.

Yeah. But I also thought that, because you know how if you're on town supply, it's all like pressured from a main point. Yeah. Right? What if everyone turned on their taps? At the same time. Would water pressure just drop?

Oh yeah, I don't know. I mean, obviously it's not something we want to do now because of all the droughts around the country. Yeah, no one should be turning a tap on their taps. But maybe that would be an interesting experiment in winter. I guess it's still wasting water. When there's water aplenty. Exactly.

How lucky are we to live in a country where it's like, hey, we should all just turn on our taps and see if our pressure drops. Yep. Why? Because some guy on the radio was curious about it. It'd be a great experiment just saying. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. There are some myths in the bedroom.

Yes, I'm talking about sex. Let's put our big girl pants on. Take your big girl pants off. Psychologists have busted a few myths that are holding women back in the bedroom. I told you guys about Goop on Netflix, which is Gwyneth Paltrow's website. They've done a Netflix series, like a miniseries.

Yeah, I'm not watching that at all. No, there's like all different episodes where they delve into like beauty and then like women's sexual lives. And the sex one is really something. But I think the message is really good that like debunking women's bodies and like talking about it a bit more and stuff.

And Gwyneth Paltrow, we give her a lot of crap, but she's a lot more fun than I realised. Right. You should definitely, it's worth a watch. It was another lack of fun that had me questioning Gwyneth Paltrow. Not that I thought she was a bit uppity and, like, with her duck eggs and stuff on goat, but... It's the steaming vajenas and the quasi-pseudo-medical advice.

It does say at the start, none of this is meant to replace, it's not medical advice. You should always go to your doctor. Oh, that's right. So these are myths that are holding women back in the bedroom that psychologists have debunked. The first one is the truth about how often your neighbours are at it. So they have said that people comparing how often or how many times a week is most of

the time not accurate because people are bragging because quantity over quality. Secondly, just because someone is at it three times a week doesn't mean that it's actually good. They know. Yeah. So you should never listen to someone else's number and feel pressure. Stop comparing yourself. A preacher's number, that's just going to ruin everyone. That's not for everybody. Time out. Men feel more pressure to perform. Apparently this isn't true either. It's just women don't talk a lot about it, I guess. But women feel pressure just as much as men to perform,

which is why so many women apparently fake the ending. Right. Of the story. So apparently. What's the faking of the ending question? Yeah. It says here more than half of women have done it. How long, when do you know, I've always been interested but never really asked.

Yeah. When are you like, oh, I'm just going to fake it? How far in would you be where you'd be like, oh, it's not happening for me today. I'm just going to fake it. Or is it determined before it even begins? She's like, I'm not in the mood for this, but I'm going to. Or whatever, for whatever reason. I'm going to give them five minutes and then start. I think it's a couple of seconds after that look of pure boredom in their face.

Where you like go, are you with me? And they're like, oh yeah, no, no. Oh yeah. Like that. God, please tell me you'd fake it better than that. I'm not going to honestly

say I never have. You're like Count Dracula. I've never had to fake it. That was so great. Or like, I would have to say if you're going to fake it, you better start now because this ain't going to last forever, baby.

Oh, you all know. I can't answer that before you've all known. Yeah, I've wondered if it's predetermined. Yeah. Or if it's like a jury. It's probably different for everybody, like everything, right? Yeah. Okay.

Onwards. Men initiate sex more than women is a lie. That's entirely not true. It's just sometimes guys don't actually realise that maybe that's what they're trying to initiate. Right. Women are a lot more subtle with how they try to initiate it. Okay. Just need to be a little bit more full on

with your hints. They don't get it. And finally, that means... But also, like, still keep a little bit of romance. You know what I mean? You said you need to be less... Females need to be less subtle.

Right. But don't... Don't just walk up to them and be like, no. Self-sexy, please. No, I am. It was like I took a run up. Me saying that was the high jump and I ran up to it and I was like, no. Too high.

I'm going to hurt myself. I'm going to hurt myself. I don't want to land on the pole. Which is what you shouldn't say. Yeah. If you're trying to initiate it. You do want to land on the pole. And the last myth is women find...

Or I'll land the pole and land on you. Okay. I'm not sure what's up to you. Women find being faithful easier than men. Apparently both of us, our desire changes just as often as each other. Right. So, I mean, that's not great in the bedroom, is it? No.

Yeah, wife could cheat on you as well, so yeah. What? What? What? She better not. Well, I don't mean your specific. I mean, there was a blanket. Oh, like wives can. Yeah, yeah.

But still, a good reason to get that tree hut finished. Yeah. Well, I thought you were going to say a good reason to cheat on them first, but that's no way to play. From the ZM Think Tank, this is absolutely, that's no way to play. From the ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello. Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern

served up the first of many free school lunches in Hawke's Bay yesterday. Don't say the Hawke's Bay, people from Hawke's Bay. It's just a little tip. Just say Hawke's Bay. It's got a possessive, it's not the Hawke's Bay. It's got a possessive.

It's not the Hawke's Bay. But every now and then you make a slip up and it should be forgiven. But they're going to, the free lunch, there's 31 schools in this program that cover from Hawke's Bay up to the Bay of Plenty. There's a photo of what the school lunch will look like. It's served in a metal prison tray.

It's got a chicken leg. Yep. I saw one with a drumstick. I thought it was a drumstick. Oh yeah, no, it's a drumstick. Okay, you're right. Yeah, sure. I guess that's a chicken leg, right? Yeah, it's part of the chicken leg. Or thigh. As a father, and knowing what kids are like, this is the problem with that

chicken leg. It's too spicy. It's got like pepper on it. It's got seasoning. Everything that has flavour kids are like, it's too spicy. No, it's just flavour. It's a lot of flavour. How do you deal with it? This is very spicy.

That's salt. It's like dealing with your mum. White mums. Oh, that's what's that got on it? Salt. Some pepper. She's like, oh, that's too rich.

Aioli. So you've got a drumstick there, pasta salad, which has like a little bit of ham in it, but not enough to call it a ham pasta salad, just a sprinkling of ham. You've got carrot sticks and some cherry tomatoes, some corn chips and a half an apple. I reckon it's a decent lunch. And because a lot of, some people have a problem with this, but the schools that have been chosen,

they're in need, a lot of the students. They need food. One in 10 children in New Zealand live in material hardship and tens of thousands are going without healthy food or food at all for the school day. Which is pretty hard to hear. So this is helping out kids that don't have, you know,

lunch. The lunch is much. So the top six things that that free school lunch needs in it to make it look more like all the other kids' lunches. Yep.

Number six, raisins in a whistly box. Did you ever eat the raisins? My raisins just sat there every day. I hate raisins. They got packed in. You had to get a finger in the whistly box. I remember eating them like that.

Yeah. Sultanas are way more superior to raisins. Oh, yuck. I know you're team raisin, but yuck. It's just different types of grapes, right? I think so, yeah. Is it red and green? Yeah, I think so. But I could make a pretty goodin, but yuck. It's just different types of grapes, right? I think so, yeah. Is it red and green? Yeah, I think so.

But I could make a pretty good whistle out of my Cinderella. Is Cinderella? Cinderella. Sunmade. Sunmade. Yeah. I think it's Cinderella raisins too. Cinderella raisins.

Okay. Sunmade. Cinderella dates. You had to be careful getting the raisins out of the box so you didn't wreck it. And then your box would go a bit soggy if you whistled too much. Yeah, you only had a half a dozen really good blows.

Yeah. And then the box was just soggy and ruined. Number five on the list of the top six things that the free school lunch needs to make it look like everybody else's lunch,

a ham sandwich with more butter than ham or more margarine than ham. Yeah. See someone whip one of those out at school on some white bread and you'd be like, it's just a butter sandwich.

It was like, you know when you get one from the bakery, you get a ham sandwich from the bakery and they've packed all the ham at the front? Parents didn't do that. They put all the ham at the back. But anyway, there was a lot of margarine in there. Number four on the list of the top six things that the free school lunch needs in it to make it look like everybody else's.

The sameless snack from yesterday because you didn't eat it so your mum just put it back in for today and said the cheese in that will last forever. Forever. It will. We never had any stuff like that in our lunches. I don't remember. My kids had the snacks.

Yeah, my kids' school lunch looks way better than mine. But I'm sure they feel hard done by compared to somebody at school's school lunch. You know, there was always somebody. Yeah. You're a kid, eh? You always just want the next best thing. Number three on the list of the top six things that the free school lunch needs to make it look

like other people's lunches. Last night's leftover meatloaf. Oh, okay, yeah. That was a classic. You never were trusted to take any cutlery to school, so you just had to go in with your hands on that one. And it's all dry. Yuck. Yeah.

Number two on the list of the top six things that the free school lunch needs to make it look like everybody else's are anything that's wrapped in way too much glad wrap. Oh, yeah. Round and round and round and round on the carrot. Yeah. We've got one carrot stick there with eight layers of Glad Wrap on it. Not anymore.

They call it sad wrap. They don't like it. They call it sad wrap? Sad wrap. My mate's kid went to school and they said, oh, do your kids' school call Glad Wrap sad wrap? I was like, no. And he said, oh, yes, they're trying to get the kids to not want it or use it.

So they're shaming and bullying kids. They're shaming the rap, the glad rap more than anything, I think. I think they actually pushed it into a dolphin's blowhole to show them how dangerous it could be. And made all the kids watch it. Watch the dolphin choke to death. No, pretty traumatic. And number one on the list of the top six things

that a school lunch needs in it to make it look like everybody else's, a packet of jelly crystals that you stole from the cupboard that you are going to get your ass smacked for taking to school. I'd just get home after school, lick the end of my finger,

pop it in, and then at the end of it you'd have a red or a green finger. You would be literally caught red-handed. Yeah. You might be like,

what about the raspberry jelly? You'd be like... Mine was the Raro packets. Oh, yeah, I did that too. We used to be able to buy Raro or whatever your powdered drink mix was in a pothole. That got... I think I remember that.

That got canned because every kid would just get home and be like, Spoonful, Spoonful, Spoonful. And your parents would have no idea. That's today's top six. It's now we go to driven.co.nz to read an article written by Bun Bun.

Bun Bun is the cute nickname that executive intern Anya has for her boyfriend. He's going to kill me. He didn't look happy yesterday when you were calling him Bun Bun. We're just saying Bun Bun. Well, he works upstairs and he writes articles about brum brums. Bun Bun. Bun Bun loves brum brums. Bun Bun loves brum brums.

Poor Andy. Poor Andy. Poor Andy. Last name, no. He wants to write an article about my broom broom putt putt. He does. That would be so cute. I want an article about one of my broom brooms. Oh, your broom broom's got no character.

Your old broom broom had character. He didn't want to write about it then either. Right, well, what does his article say? There's cars that can be opened with... Keys? Nah. Non-traditional keys. Yeah, right, okay.

But not like my Honda can be opened with a... Even though it's broken, so I don't use it. But the new cars have a key that's not a key. You just have to be in proximity and they'll open right NFC

yeah is it but that's nothing oh go on what does it stand for I don't know NFC near field

compatibility my key you walk up to it and you touch the door handle and it unlocks but you don't have to have the key oh my god run the ox with a simple touch alright touch the door handle and it unlocks but you don't have to have the key. Oh my God.

Run the ox with a simple touch. All right, electric gate. Vaughn might have an electric gate but he's got a car. I just had to get out of the car and put the pin in over the electric gate.

I also don't own a home. I mean, I own a car but. So it stands for near field communication. Right. So I was close. Right. Yeah, so you just need to be in and it'll open it.

So Teslas are an example of this. Yeah. With NFC. And Apple is making it so using the same Apple Pay technology, you're going to be able to open cuddles. But here's the better part. Cuddles. Wave your Apple Pay to access cuddles.

Car doors. So it can open car doors. Yeah. Say I was at the mall. Yeah. Which is unimaginable. Yeah. And I also had a car with NFC.

Yeah. And Fletcher's like, I want to go to the car. You could go to the car with your phone and I could send you the key. Oh, wow. Oh, that's cool. And you could be like, open, get into the car and sit there. If one of your friends wanted to borrow your car, same thing. And it was at home and you were at work,

you could be like, oh yeah, here's the key. Is it a one-time use or can Fletcher use it over and over again? No, it's going to come with settings. So you could change it to be one-time use over a certain amount of? No, it's going to come with settings. So you can change it to be one time use over a certain amount of time or

that's a good idea. Yeah. Huh. Yeah. And you won't be able to send it in group chat. It feels the need

to stipulate that you won't be able to send it in group chat. Or someone posted online for everyone to use. Oh yeah.

True. But yeah, I'm sure it'll be, yeah, they'll sort that out. Specific to. Or if they don't, they'll do like one of those updates. Okay, we overlooked the fact that this is very industrial cars now. They need that for like your house. Because some

houses have smart locks, don't they? To get in your front door. But I'm just worried that I'd go out for a night on the town and my phone would run flat and then I can't get into my house or home. No, you can still use the keypad. Or you can use your phone. Oh, we're

living in the future, eh? Pretty good stuff. We can't afford it, but it's available. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The Podcast. ZM. One in seven people have had something stolen from them at work, according to some latest research that's out.

By co-workers? Yeah, by co-workers. Oh, wow. How serious are we talking? Well, one in seven had something stolen from them. The majority of people saying it was money. So I don't know if they're leaving, like, cash in their drawer. Oh, yeah, and then it's just gone.

Or they're leaving their wallet on the desk and people are just like nicking a $10 note on the slide. I would never steal money. I thought it would be like pens or something. Because I nicked someone's lipstick. It was on the desk in here and I was like, well, finders keepers, that's a cute shade. I just gave it a wipe.

What did you wipe it with? So grim. Just a tissue. What if that person had like a cold sore or something? Oh, I didn't think about that. You didn't think about that. How deep into the lipstick does the cold sore virus and can it live in lipstick like it's some sort of petri dish?

I reckon you could get like a like a sharp, like a craft knife and just take off like five mils and I reckon you'd be fine a, like a sharp, like a craft knife and just take off like five mils. Yeah. And I reckon you'd be fine. Just give it a little shave. Yeah.

You know like when the cheese gets a bit of mould on it and you just. Shave it off. Yeah, shave it off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because cheese is mouldy anyway, isn't it? No. But. It'd be neat.

Blue cheese has a mould vein in it. Yeah, close enough. But that's a specific type. Yeah. And mine's in kefir. Right. But if you guys ever had any. If not, you'll make ass mouldy cheese.

Don't try to buy a block of Edam and let it go to shit and then be like, I've got some blue cheese in the fridge. Have you had anything stolen from work? I just Googled if you can catch cold soles or herpes from lipsticks. And yes, you can, but it's quite unlikely. Okay. Well, I haven't had it yet. Yeah, that's good.

It's still using. But it's still weird that you would steal a lipstick when you could just buy one. Yeah, I mean, but why should I buy one when it's just there? It was obviously one of your co-workers. I know, but no one came. It was like if someone comes and was like, was there a lipstick on the desk? Could anyone take that? I'd give it back, but no one ever did.

So by that logic, it's okay to steal something if no one then asks for it back. Yeah. Right. Producers, anyone stole anything? I think we're all a pretty honest. Anyone lost a lipstick? Apart from Megan, we're all a pretty honest bunch here. I would never steal money.

I've had my dinner stolen out of the fridge before when I used to work nights. And I was so excited. It was like a roast we'd made on Sunday. I was having my food. Somebody took a roast out of the fridge and when I used to work nights. I was so excited it was like a roast we'd made on Sunday. I was having my food. Somebody took a roast out of the fridge and reheated it. Yeah, well,

reheated roasts are pretty good though, Fletch. Yeah. Because you get like the gravy and everything. So, I mean, hats off to them. They probably enjoyed it.

But do you go around the office sniffing out for the roast smell? Well, no, because by the time I went to go eat it it was sick so no one was at work. So I was like,

who does that? Just goes, I'm going to eat that. Knowing it's not theirs time I went to go eat it was six and no one was at work. So I was like, who does that? Just goes, I'm going to eat that. Knowing it's not theirs. I'm going to eat that. I'm going to eat that. Yeah, like it's not a pottle of yogurt that all looks the same as yours. It's actually someone's unique dinner. Or someone's like butter that you just scrape a bit off and pretend that you were never there.

Oh, that's okay. That's not stealing. Because that's a shared pottle, isn't it? It's definitely not. I have had my butter repeatedly scratched by other people in the office. Well, you probably know it's Megan. She just admitted it. No, I don't do that.

I don't, like, eat bread. She's got you there. She doesn't eat bread. What do you put butter on? She's just eating butter straight out of the container. But if everyone's taking from it, like that depletes it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if everyone's taking a little bit, it's gone.

Yeah, right. It's gone, isn't it? Lock up your butter, Mountie. I will. Well, yeah, get a lock on your desk, it turns out. Good morning, Jason. How are you? Good, good. Good morning, Jason. How are you? Good, good.

Good, all right. Well, you have managed to get through for the $100,000 CDM Secret Sound with Save My Bacon, making borrowing better for financially responsible Kiwis. This is the sound. And if you can tell us what that is, right now you get $55,000. Soundkeeper Gary is in.

Good morning. He just came in eating a banana. Is that a clue or does he need potassium? I just wanted to see if Vaughan could remake that sound you did right at the start of the competition. With the old shaky naan. Shaky naan skin. All right, Jason, no pressure. What is the secret sound?

I thought it was a vending machine. A vending machine? Yeah, the ones where it goes up and then the can drops into the tray and then it releases the air when it drops it down. Oh, yeah. Those are my favourite vending machines because they don't shake up the cola. Yeah. So you'd say it's a vending machine, like, releasing a can?

Yeah. Is that the action you'd say you're taking? Yeah. Jason, that's wrong. That's wrong. That is not the secret sound. That's wrong. Jason, that's...

Gary, you're so ruthless to Jason. Let him down gently. Say wrong and just say it's not what you're looking ruthless to Jason. Let him down gently. Say wrong. Just say it's not what you're looking for today. Incorrect. Get out of here. That's not what I'm looking for today. The speed cameras around the country that make the most money.

Actually, the number one has had a pay rise since 2018. Work hard, get the rewards. Don't even more. It's weird because when you start to know where these cameras are, like if you get a fine,

like for example, Auckland, the Waterview Tunnel was always up there. I don't know where this is on the list this year but when that came out with vengeance

and it pinged everybody, like now, nobody speeds past that. Actually, I've got the top five in the country and the Waterview Tunnel's not on it. So people have learned to listen there. But that's why these cameras that year after year are number one, why don't people learn? So the number one money-making speed camera is in Auckland and I would have thought everyone would know this.

Right. But it has made almost $2 million more. Actually, no, it has. It's made $2 million more since the previous year. Do you think a huge part of it's tourists or like visiting? Oh, maybe. Because, you know, like you say, regulars would think they'd know. No, yeah.

But like millions of dollars. That's not just tourists. No. So it made the fixed speed camera, which is on Tamaki Drive, between Solent Street and Napapi Road. Right. $5.3 million.

I've heard that. I've heard that. Have you? I've had a fine from them. Not in the last year, but yeah, I know the one. Well, this is, yeah, this, not in 2019, you didn't get a fine. No.

But that's a real rich neighbourhood. They probably just don't care and just pay it. They've probably got an auto payment. You know, they drive Aston Martins or whatever it is. Yeah. Like when you go through a toll road in Australia and it just goes beep in your car. And that's your toll pay.

So that's 60,000, just over 60,000 tickets in a year. Wow. That's nuts. But I'll take you through the five. So in New Lynn and Auckland, 35,000 tickets. Rata Street. Okay.

I know that one. Do you? It's by the Avondale Racecourse. That's right. Almost $3 million. Yep. That's nuts. It feels like it should be a faster area. But it's only a 50. Yeah. Or a 60 maybe. But yeah, It feels like it should be a faster area. But it's only a 50, is it? Or a 60 maybe.

But yeah, it feels like it could be a 70 or an 80. Did you try getting out of that? I'm just saying it feels like it should be 70 or 80. It feels like, dear police, it feels like this road should be faster than it is. It's a suburban area. I'm aware that there are people with houses on the side of that road, but don't make a road look so big and give it a grassy median if you don't want people to drive down it quickly.

Yeah, it's an absolute sea tease. Yeah. It really is. State Highway 2 is the fourth biggest moneymaker, and Waikino, 38,000 tickets, $3.3 million. Wow, okay. That's, I'm just looking with, oh, Rodeo, It's $3.3 million. Wow. Okay. That's... I'm just looking with...

Oh, rightio. That's between... Rightio. Pairoa and Waihi. Oh, yeah. So through the gorge there. Right. You said Waikino, eh?

Yes. Righto, yeah. Hillsborough Road in Auckland, 45,000 tickets, $3.8 million. Right. I don't know where that one is. I probably should know where that one is. I probably should know where that one is. I googled Hillsborough Road,

and the first thing that came up was speed limit. Right. That's Blockhouse Bay-esque Hillsborough area. Another one that looks like it should be. There's a really long straight bit with a big green field on the side, so it really feels like it's time to floor it, you know? Yeah. And the second biggest moneymaker is State Highway 1.

Why-who-you? Spell that for me. W-A-I-W-H-I-U. 47,000 tickets. No, you lost me with the first I. Is that a South Island? Because there's no South Island. Normally the Canterbury Plains are raking in the money for the speed cameras, but no. Well, I don't know where White View is.

Yeah, right. Has anyone checked the Canterbury Plains speed cameras for a bit of tape? Has someone put a bit of tape over the sensor parts so that they can't? Yeah. How long do you think it would take them to? No, obviously they wouldn't issue any tickets for a week. You could put a tarpaulin over the van,

but the guy in the front seat might notice. Oh, that speed camera's up by Sheep World. North of Auckland. Oh, right, okay. Another place. You see sheep

beside a florist. I don't think so. Is that by the tunnel or just after the tunnel? Yeah, just after the tunnel. Yeah. Is that where they spray paint the sheep?

Paint and such. Yeah, for the tourists. Is that? Are we good with that? It's probably like okay spray paint, I imagine. Do you know there's a kid on TikTok. He's drinking a thing of blue food colour every day. Oh, no.

He's starting to go blue. His urine's blue. His poo's very blue. Where are his parents? Where's someone in his life to be like... He's famous, Megan. He's famous. He's tough, tough famous. Fledgford and Megan's Open Mic Night.

Well, it's our Open Mic Night slash morning, and we have been giving you the chance to enter to get to the Electric Kiwi Billy T Jams next Friday in Auckland. Now this is at the Q30. You can get tickets you can see all the Billy T nominees all the comedians vying for this incredible honour

because it really is an honour. The people that win this every year. It's the yellow towel. Yeah. Very funny people. Brunley Stent, James Mustapick, Josh Davies, Lana Walters, Ray O'Leary, Cuda Forrester is hosting, and a special guest appearance from Tom Sainsbury. I'd imagine he's reached the level now where he just walks out, waves to the crowd, and then goes off the stage again.

And then goes... And eye rolls. You can get tickets for that at comedyfestival.co.nz. But we have a grand prize up for grabs, and you've just got to win our open mic night slash morning. Now we have three

would-be comedians that are going to tell us a joke right now. I'm not hard to please. I laugh at anything. Right. Now, Vaughn, have you sourced

on YouTube a crowd, like we need a kind of a, I guess, an ambience. I've got a crowd sound effect. Okay. Here's the... People probably wouldn't be chatting this much. It would be rude if they were.

During a joke? Yeah. But this is a Berlin crowd, apparently. No, if you're German... Turn it up. Are they speaking in German? The Germans, of course, well-known. Yeah, right.

Are they a humour? Well, I guess if I put the music up and that's there, is that a bit of a hum? Is that a bit more of a club, an open mic night atmosphere? Right. We're liking that or no? Well, there's crowd talking sound effects. That's a 10-hour sound effect,

but I'm not sure I haven't pre-listened to that one. Go to like an hour into that. Okay. That's probably more what you're after. No, but they're talking during an open mic night. It's very rude. Go back to the other one, I think. This sounds like more people.

This sounds like we've got a bigger venue, though, this one. I think we've definitely got a bigger venue. Wow. No stress. Adrian, good morning. Hey, guys. How you going?

Good. You've just finished work. That's it, mate. Yeah, I'm just riding my bike home. A beautiful, sunny morning here in Hamilton. Oh, brilliant. So what do you do for work? Fire Hamilton. Oh, brilliant. So what do you do for work? Fire brigade.

Oh. Oh, man. So what happens? So you do the night shift. What happens if no one's house catches on fire? Do you just sleep? It's a bonus for everyone who owns a house. But, yeah, we do a bit of training.

We do a bit of cleaning. And if there's a bit of downtime, we watch a bit of TV. Oh, nice. Okay. Do you ever go park up outside an ex's house and just hit the siren periodically? Yeah. Yeah, that's why Bourne can't be a firefighter. That's why I'm not given any responsibility.

All right, Adrian, we're going to turn on your mic and then we'd like you to deliver the joke. Let's just test the mic. Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's on? Hang on. It's on? All right, when you're ready the mic. Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's on? Hang on. It's on? Alright, when you're ready, Adrian. Okay, go. Well, hey, guys, I'm a massive fan of evidence

based research and whenever a big study comes out, I'm all over it. And recently scientists have completed a multi-year study. Thousands of respondents, hundreds of countries, and have come up with the number one cause of dry skin.

Okay. Towels. Oh, dry. Megan got it. It just took a little bit I liked it I'd say I like the set up You created something there

Before you hit us With the punchline Adrian Thanks Adrian Just wait there In the green room backstage Janelle good morning Good morning

Good morning Alright let's get Let's test Janelle's mic Every time That's on you We're on Yep okay When you're ready Janelle Alright Why. Every time. That's on you. We're on? Yep.

Okay, when you're ready, Janelle. All right. Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella? Why? For drizzle. Okay, Janelle, go wait backstage with Adrian, please. Or next time. Oh, they've probably ushered her off. Just tripped over.

Hamish just tripped over. Hi, Hamish. Hi. Oh, he's going stepping up. God, we've really got to sort out that mic. All right, Hamish, when you're ready, give us your joke. Okay, a neutron walks into a bar and gets a drink and says to the barman, how much will that cost?

And the barman goes, no charge. Because he's a neutron. What, what, it's a neutron? He doesn't know what a neutron What's a neutron? He doesn't know what a neutron is Hamish It's a passport that has no charge So he gets a free drink Every time he goes into a bar

That's to fight the rule of comedy that did get funnier as he explained it. All right, so... I'm out. I'm out. You two decide. No, you can't do this.

What about... Can we ask our producers? How were we feeling in the producers' booth? I found them all funny in different ways. Yeah. I feel like Adrian

really set the scene. He did. He did a good set-up of the gag. Yeah, he did. I feel like everyone did a great job. He did. He did a good set up of the gag. Yeah, he did. I feel like everyone did a great job. It's hard to get in front of the big audience like that. That's true.

So, Anya, who are you picking? I'm going to pick Adrian. Adrian, congratulations. Woo-hoo! I'll give him that. Brilliant. He makes everything funny it really does hey congratulations

you got a double pass to Electric Kiwi Billy T Jams at the Q Theatre in Auckland flights for two if you need them room at the Four Points

in Sheraton in Auckland dinner at Kuta Restaurant and a $500 free electricity credit from Electric Kiwi congratulations mate awesome that is wicked and the only unusual thing about that and a $500 free electricity credit from Electric Kiwi. Congratulations, mate. Awesome.

That is wicked. And the only unusual thing about that this morning was that I heard someone laughing in the background at my jokes, and the kids don't normally do that. So that's the biggest win for me. Thanks for that. He's opening up. We can't laugh at him. Aprilie, thanks, Adrian. Welcome to the Fleeche, Warner Megan podcast

Brought to you by McCafe For great barista made coffee on the go I do love an election year I love the slip ups Yeah I love the When people say things, I mean ironic I can't get my words out here when I'm

Criticising politicians for saying the wrong things. Yeah. But yesterday it came to the nation's attention in this election year, Simon Bridges leading the charge. He signed something. Are we still doing signing? Like if you see a celebrity, you like sign this. Isn't it a selfie?

It's more of a selfie age. Yeah. But Simon Bridges signed a NOS canister, a NANG, one like sign this. Isn't it a selfie? It's more of a selfie age. But Simon Bridges signed a NOS canister, a NANG. One of those little cream... So, he apparently blissfully unaware

of what he was signing. Even if you were, you had no idea about a NOS canister. Yeah. He's around my age and he lived. Yeah. He's around my age and he lived in London. He's surely he's come across a NANG being popped into a balloon before. It's a menacing

looking thing to sign, isn't it? It's not a thing. It's weird. It's a small, metal canister. It looks like, it also looks like those, if you've ever had an air powered slug gun. It looks like those CO2 looks like those, if you've ever had an air powered slug gun. It looks like those CO2 canisters, you screw into those,

then you get however many shots out of war, those gas powered rat and possum traps. Yeah. But is he going out there unsupervised? Because isn't there like people flanking him being like, I actually know Simon. Don't sign that. That's a nag, mate. It's an old canister.

Yeah. But I mean, he, it has been spun. Because did you see what the press secretary said? No. Oh, Megan was telling me this morning. This is the brilliant part about it. Is the press secretary came out. They said that he is a big fan of baking.

And hopes that the person that got this signed is as well. Because that's the thing, they're not illegal because you use them, the catering industry uses them to whip cream. So if you're going to the dairy... Don't tell me every dairy needs some on stock for...

2am. Yeah, for people making whipped cream. I'm trying to finish my cake. I'm just climbing the climb and I'm trying to finish my cake. I'm just up in the climate. I'm going to make a pear. And also, I'm like, do you have any balloons? So the news article that describes it, and obviously there's a lot of people who don't know, and maybe people listening now who don't know,

but that's the use that they're in the shops for. It's nitrous oxide. It's laughing gas. It's what you get at the dentist, essentially. And it's also great for whipping cream. Yeah, right. It goes into the cream and it whips the cream pretty quick. And you can also put them into a balloon

and give it the old down the hatch. I believe they're called a Nang because it makes, after you've finished, it makes your head go back to reality. Yeah, right. I can talk about my younger days

and say I was a big fan of a Nang. Huge fan. With the press release, they also attached a photo of Simon Bridges baking with his family. Just to really show that he was signing that because he loves cakes. Yeah, and they hoped the person in possession of this was using it for the right purposes. Not Nanging.

Pavlovin. Yeah. Okay. But he signed it anyway, so. And will be supervised fromlovan. Yeah. Okay. But he signed it anyway, so. And will be supervised from now on. Yeah. All right. There should be an ongoing competition this election year.

The craziest thing you can get a politician to sign. Because what did Sacha Baron Cohen, when he went undercover for that TV show, he got one of those US politicians to sign a water board, didn't he? Oh, my God. Like a didn't he? Oh my God. Like a torture device. Oh my God. Oh Lord.

ZM's Fletch Warner-Megan, the podcast. Yesterday, after the show, I was learning that yesterday at eight o'clock I got a lovely message

from my father on my birthday that actually intern Anya and Mountie actually went on a road trip to the Waikato to retrieve that in person. Yeah, they went and filmed your dad. They went and spoke to him, had the lunch put on.

Yeah, classic Kewtay spread. And I said, long drive and great effort. And then Executive Intern Anya mentioned that they were stuck in traffic on the way back. I said, was driving responsibility shared? And that's when I learned that Mountie, currently at the social media desk, I believe, is only on a restricted license at the age of... The ripe old age of 24.

24 on a restricted license. Yeah, right. And it gets worse, does not have car insurance for her car. Is this an intervention? Were you driving your car? No, no, no, no, no. We were just talking about she didn't drive,

she's unrestricted and then the conversation led to no car insurance anyway. Goodness me. No, not even third party insurance. Mm-mm. Nothing. Usually you get like a,

it's easy to get a lecture from these two, but you know it's bad when I get involved, Mountie. That's true. You need car insurance. Your two dads love dealing at a lecture, but now Auntie Megan's coming. She's cool, Auntie. Thank you for not calling me Mom. She's cool, Auntie. She'll buy

a cask of house white. Yep. Dry to take to the party. I need the one that's not special. Yep. Good money and a goon. But she's here to lecture you as well. No car insurance. Do you have house insurance?

Like contents for your flat? I have health insurance. And that's the only insurance I have. Oh my God. That's a good insurance to have. Because I use that. But with car insurance, you're kind of paying for something

that might not happen. But famously, famously you don't use it until you need it. You described insurance. That's how it works. You don't use it until you need it. Yeah. So this is what we thought. Two dads and auntie today thought that we would scare Mountie into getting insurance.

Now, we want to take your calls of when you wish you had insurance. Because I have a friend who was, someone braked on the motorway in front of them. They slammed on their brakes, avoided hitting the car in front of them, but five cars behind them, including a very expensive

Audi. Ouch. He is still paying that off, like $5 a week and probably for a very long time. I just hate spending money on anything I can't eat or wear. Like tangible goods. You won't be able to eat or buy any clothes if an accident like that happens. It's the same when you're flatting. You might not be worried about your stuff getting ripped off if someone breaks into

your house, but if you accidentally set that flat on fire with your cooking or whatever candle, a lovely candle that tips over. Oh, I do love a candle. Then you'll also be paying off that house as well. But what are the chances? Oh, my God. Oh, you are making me so anxious. Oh, no.

All right, so we want to take your calls. 0800 DARS at M9696. We want your stories of when you wish you had insurance. Like, maybe you're still paying something off. We want to scare Mountie into getting insurance. Yeah. The kids need a fright. We're not saying to go with any...

This isn't some sort of sneaky insurance company's promo. No, I was genuinely saying we're worried about it. Yeah. Because we agree, paying for insurance sucks. But paying for somebody else's thing, if you cause an accident, sucks way more. Ivy,

when do you wish you had insurance? When I was driving on the Southern Motorway by Mount Wellington where Tip Top is, and I crashed into the back of an Audi. How much did that cost you? Well over the normal access, which is about $500. Yeah, right, okay. Well over.

There's too many Audis on the road. Too easy to crash into. They're just everywhere, aren't they? We need harder cars and cheaper, harder cars. Do you have insurance now? Yes, I have a full license and I have full insurance now. Yeah, we learn from our mistakes. That's good.

That's good. Is this helping, Mountie? Is this making you hearing some of these stories? Is it? I can't say I'm entirely convinced just yet. Oh, Mountie, wrong answer. You trollin'. Somebody said third-party insurance is $180 a year, about,

and third-party fire and theft isn't much more. New Zealand pretty much has the cheapest insurance in the Western world. And it's weird, in Australia it's compulsory, isn't it, to have third-party? Yeah, you have to have third-party. Which is crazy to think that there are people, yeah. All right, well, some incredible stories coming through. We'll get to more of those next. I'm just doing some calculations because somebody said there was a $100,000 car crashed into

and written off by an uninsured driver. Now, they have to pay that off for the rest of their lives. Oh, my God. If they had paid the third party, which somebody said is around about $130,000 to $160,000 a year for third party insurance, they would have to pay 796 years of insurance to make up that $100,000. Oh, wow.

So what they're saying is, even if it feels like you're paying something for nothing. I feel like the insurance industry should really be thanking us for this informative piece this morning on the radio. Yeah. Or are you getting paid and we don't know about it? I'm getting paid. Are you getting paid on the day?

We'll take some calls. Caitlin, when do you wish that you had insurance for the car? So, hey, guys. Recently, I just moved to Hamilton from Dunedin and I bought a new car just to get around, started a full-time job. And two days later, I was traveling up the Coromandel to see a mate and it had been really, really dry for ages. It poured down that weekend and I slipped off the road and crashed my car. Oh, my God. Thank God you're all right. I was so lucky.

I was fine. But it was my first car and I'd been driving for ages, never had a car crash. So I only got third party. So total car worth nothing now. So you're saying, we're saying just get third party at the very least. You're saying go whole, whole. Yeah, yeah. I was like, third party, I'll be fine.

I've never had a car crash before. We'll be sweet. And then two days later, prove me wrong. Yeah, right. Okay. Wow. Sophie, when do you wish you had car insurance? About five years ago now.

I was on my way to work. I just coloured my hair and I looked up at the rearview mirror for two seconds, coming around the corner, and we were in with a double debut. Oh, no. I like that you looked in the rear-vision mirror for two seconds whilst going around the corner. Yeah. And so how much did you have to pay?

Give or take about $14,000. I rode off the air completely. Oh, shit. Mama me up. Here we go again. Have you paid that off or are you still paying it off? No, I'm still paying it. $45 a week.

And how much would third party of insurance be for your car? Probably not that much. I don't know. I still don't have insurance. Yeah. Wait a minute. What? Yeah. What? What did you What was that last sentence? Sorry again. You still don't have insurance? I still don't have insurance. No.

Sophie! Sophie! Sophie! You're in so much trouble. You're in big trouble. Sophie, but you're still paying off $14,000. I know. Uh-oh. Oh, Sophie. Sophie.

Sophie. Sophie. Sophie. Sophie, Sophie, Sophie. Oh, my God. Sophie. Yeah, so I came to see you, but I'm working on it this year. That's my number one goal.

So you got another car? Yeah, I got another car. Oh, my God. Sophie, you've got to get insurance. Sophie. It's all right. I'm all right. Okay, Sophie, thanks for your call.

Some other text messages. Wait there. These two are having an absolute connection. You're in big trouble. My watch just told me I needed to breathe. My watch was like, hey, buddy, buddy, buddy, you okay up there? Lucky I've got health insurance. I almost have a bloody headache.

Some other text messages in, and it's good hearing from insurance brokers because there's other people that have to deal with these massive claims. Somebody said, as an insurance broker,

one of my clients, their trucking business was insured. There was an accident, wrote the truck off, wasn't the truck driver's fault, was anured. There was an accident. Wrote the truck off. Wasn't the truck driver's fault. Was an uninsured driver's fault. The truck, the trailer and the cleanup

was all covered by insurance and it came to over half a million dollars. The other driver, if they'd been insured, the third party would have been totally covered. Didn't have any insurance. They are now being hounded for the rest of their life

for half a million dollars. Which they'll never pay back. And if they are, they're paying being hounded for the rest of their life for half a million dollars. Which they'll never pay back. And if they are, they're paying, what, 20 bucks a week? And it'll follow you everywhere. Yeah. Because insurance companies, I don't know if you guys know this, they're a little persistent. They're lovely people.

If they're getting you money, lovely people. Mountie, has this worked? Have we scared you into getting insurance? That half a milli really got me. Half a milli? Half a milli milli. Are you trying to make that half a milli sound cute? Half a milli.

A little bit, yeah. Yeah. Okay, so it's not worked? It has. No, I think that one got me. Yeah. Because no one intends to have an accident. It just kind of happens.

That's why it's called an accident Thanks to Save My Bacon Making borrowing better for financially responsible Kiwis Dinesh, good morning Morning, morning, sir Morning, alright And we've got soundkeeper Gary in here Hello, there I am

Hey, Gary Hey, Dinesh, how's it going? Good Gary in here. Hey, guys. Hello, there I am. Hey, Dinesh. How's it going? Good, thank you. Wonderful. Love you guys. Love your show. Oh, thank you.

Oh, Dinesh. Mom's action. Love it, man. Just give him the money. Just don't kiss. Whatever you say, right? Give him the money. Well, it's going to make it awkward now if we don't.

If you don't win. You've given us a lovely compliment. All right, well, here is the secret sound. $55,000, Dinesh, is all yours if you can tell us what that is. Right. It seems to me that you're trying to open up a walnut, like cracking a walnut. Did you buy a walnut cracker, Vaugh Warren? Or was it a macadamia nutcracker?

It's a bit flashier than a walnut. But it's, do you mean those little kind of, they're kind of like plier things and you crush. That's a nutcracker. A nutcracker. Yeah. It's the sound of the walnut when it gets crushed. Okay. Or when it's open. Walnuts walnut when it gets crushed. Okay. Or when it's open.

Walnut chill. Yeah, okay. I mean, that makes sense. That wouldn't, especially the last part of the sound. Can you stop talking and play it again? Because there is some walnut tacos and she is like maybe a vegan or trying to be a vegan. So it kind of matches. Did you say walnuts into tacos?

Dinesh, that's a swear word around here, mate. You don't drink walnuts into a taco. I'm into it. No. Walnuts into a taco. No, you need to hold the irony in that recipe. Wait, see, are you saying the walnuts are made into the taco shell? No.

No, basically walnuts inside the tacos. He's saying the walnut is in place of the mints. I don't even like a walnut on a carrot cake. Yuck. I love a walnut on a carrot cake. This isn't about our favourite nuts. I don't think we can talk about them right now. Some of us anyway.

All right. Soundkeeper Gary, it's over to you. Dinesh, I assume that we're using a press of some form, aren't we? It's not like a hammer. It's like striking to open it. The first sound is like striking to open. Okay. I'll take it.

That's fine. Dinesh, that is not the secret sound. Dinesh, all right. Sorry, mate. Back to the drawing board. Back toh, all right. Sorry, mate. Back to the drawing board. Back to your walnut tacos. All right, mate. I'm looking forward to that mum section.

What a lover. Thanks, buddy. Have a great day. Friday Flashback. All right. Vaughan's turn. Yep, yep, yep, yep. This song, this might be our oldest Ever Friday flashback.

Really? But we did Bohemian Rhapsody. Which, when was that released? How do I know? 72. Okay, so this one is... I don't know, I just roll in. This is a four minute 28 song.

The good old days. The good old days of long songs. No, so Bohemian Rhapsody released in 1975. This song released in 1972. Oof. Okay. Wow. He was in the country for half a show this week.

Do you know I got an email? One-sixth of the original planned amount of show. Do you know I got an email yesterday from... Me too. I'm glad you laughed at this. It was from Auckland Stadiums. It was like, how did you find your Elton John concert experience? I was like, what are you doing sending this email out?

Nobody was happy they went home halfway through. Oh, it was a lovely stadium. Felt sad. You were happy until they said that you could get a refund, and now you're suddenly not happy. Don't send out the automated email, Auckland Stadiums. You're not going to get good feedback. I can't imagine anyone was like, loved every minute of it.

Yeah, love the overpriced warm drinks. Yeah. This song that I'm going to play from Elton John is one of the songs we did get to hear at the concert. Yes, wasn't it lovely? This was like an extended, crazy long version with psychedelic visuals to accompany. Now, did you see some people

called conspiracy theory on that saying he was dragging it out because he didn't want to sing? I was like, you're missing the whole point of the whole concert experience. It was incredible. Yeah, you don't go to a concert to just listen to the CD.

You could have listened to all the streaming version of the song that you could have listened to at home. Apparently, when his writing partner, Bernie, came up with this song, he was at the start of a long road trip to his parents' house, so he had to hum the start of the song that you could have listened to at home. Apparently, when his writing partner, Bernie, came up with this song, he was at the start of a long road trip to his parents' house, so he had to hum the start of the song over and over and over and over and over in his head for like two and a half hours, so he didn't forget it because he felt it was so good.

The story of the song is about an astronaut going to Mars. Great. You should have worked it out by now. Easy. Today's Friday flashback from Elton John. It's Rocket Man. Yeah. Reflight.

See them. Zero hour, 9am And I'm gonna be high As a kite by then. I miss the earth so much. I miss my wife. It's lonely out in space. This lonely outer space On such a timeless flight

And I think it's gonna be a long, long time Till touchdown brings me round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home Oh no, no, no I'm the Rocket Man Rocket Man Burning out his shoes, of hell and I think it's gonna be a long long time to touch down brings me round and get to find

a lot of men that think I am at home no no no I'm a rocket man rocket man No, no, no. I'm a rocket night. Rocket night. Burning out the truth I've held on. Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids. In fact, it's cold as hell. Thank you. And all the science I don't understand Is just my job five days a week

A rocket man A rocket man Rocket Man And I think it's gonna be a long, long time To talk you down brings me round again to find A lot of men that think I am at home Oh no, no, no I'm a Rocket Man Rocket Man I am at home. It's gonna be a long, long time. The touchdown brings me back again to find a lot of men that think I am at home.

No, no, no, no. I'm a rocket man. Rocket man. Burning out his shoes all day long. And I think it's gonna be a long, long time And I think it's gonna be a long, long time And that's all you get because he's not well now and he has to go home. See?

Well, it's true. Now you might be like, oh, that's fair. Because you've heard most of the song. But if a refund was made available, would you take it? Well, we are one of only 100 people that have made a refund request, and it might not happen. Somebody's actually messaged me. Is that it?

We can't play the rest of that song? No, he's gone home. Oh, okay. He's sick. He can't sing. Oh, okay. Yeah. And we'll see you at the Tribunal, Ticketmaster.

But don't worry. He'll be back in a couple of days. Yep. To finish. Okay. To do it again. We'll play the rest of that song in a couple of days. Yep. Or a year. Oh, we won't actually. It'll be days. Yep. To finish. Okay. To do it again. We'll play the rest of that song in a couple of days. Yep.

Or a year. Oh, we won't actually. It'll be January. Sure. Yeah. Somebody actually messaged saying the fact that you outed yourself as going to leave early for the show. Yeah. Oh, no.

They could use that against you. Absolutely not. You said that on the radio that you were going to leave early. Yeah, you did. There's public, there's, there's evidence. Yeah, okay. Hey, you on the phone, I bet I can guess your mum's name. All right, so we've played bet I can guess your mum's name three times now.

Yeah. Two out of three, you've got correct. Yes. Playing this morning, we welcome Natasha. Good morning. Good morning. All right. So Vaughan gets to ask you five questions about your mum to try and determine her name.

And then we will give Vaughan 15 seconds to guess your mum's name. If he can do that, $100 cash. Whoa, that sounds exciting. Okay. Right. Vaughan. Question one. Natasha, what. Vaughan. Question one. Natasha, what are your siblings' names?

Denise and Yvonne. Denise and Yvonne. Okay. So it's your siblings, not her siblings. Yes, that's right. How old is your mum? My mum is 71. Oh, shit.

This is more of a can I guess your gran's name. I generally aim for around. No, no, it's just I'm usually in my mind. I'm set around you. Yeah, okay. 60 maybe. Okay. In the midst there.

Yeah. Okay. What's your mum's, what does your mum do for, like, exercise? Like, does she have any hobbies that involve a physical aspect? Yes, she goes to the gym and she does yoga. Oh, okay. So we might be rocking a young 70-something then. Yeah, okay.

Wanting to make notes? How many questions is that? Have you used them all? Two. He's used only two questions. Three. Three. Where was your mum's last overseas trip?

Oh, they went to Inoue. That was the last place. Oh, okay. That's adventurous, isn't it? Yeah, that's adventurous. Is that Inoue's one flight a week? Is that Nui? That's right, yeah.

Only one flight a week, yeah. So you've got to stay for a week. Yeah. They get you, don't they? And breakfast, not included. Yeah. Or maybe it is. Okay, a couple of names to add to the list after the Nui situation.

One more question. How spicy does your mum like her food? Probably mild to medium. So salt and pepper? Yeah. Or does she like a sweet chilli sauce? I know she goes with sweet chilli, yep. Okay.

Man, your mum's doing it. Her taste in food and holiday destination doesn't affect what she was called at birth. Are you kidding me? Vaughan sees a direct correlation. Right. He wouldn't have a Dolores going to Norway. And eating sweet chili sauce. And eating sweet chili. Yeah, I guess you're right.

Yeah, you're right. It's a game of elimination. All right, well, Vaughn Smith. I've got some names here. You have 15 seconds to guess Natasha's mum's name. Now, Natasha, if you hear your name, please yell out mummy. Okay. As soon as you hear it.

Here we go. Okay. Catherine, Jackie, Christine, Leanne, Julie, Fiona, Tanya, Kim, Sharon, Nicola, Deborah, Angela, Donna, Elizabeth, Joanne, Helen, Michelle, Wendy, Sandra, Linda, Suzanne, Tracy, Karen. Oh, no. Not in there. Too young.

I went too young. Too young, babes. But then I think, like, my mum's... No, my mum's not that old, but she's, like, you know, within that bracket. Natasha, what's your mum's name? My mum is Diane. Diane. How is Diane not on my list?

I thought I wrote down Diane. I wrote down Leanne and Donna. Of course, you mix those two names together. They become Diane. Or Lana. Or Lana. Sure. Or Leanna.

Which is what your mum's name would be if she stayed in UA. Yeah. Well, Natasha, unfortunately, we can't go through to the next round where Vaughan guesses your dad's name, so we'll never know that. Roger. No, he's a Graham, actually. Graham, oh, that's a classic dad. Graham and Diane, that's solid.

Yeah, that's solid, isn't it? All right, Natasha, thanks for playing. So two from four. 50-50 now. Now, you had a couple of losing streaks the last couple of weeks. Yeah, yeah. Is that the end of this competition? Yep. Because you don't like

losing? Nah. Quit now when it's a possible mark. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. We spoke earlier in the week about how my parents have tried something new. They've been going to the Tibetan Buddhist Meditation Centre in Nelson. Meditation?

You say they've absolutely changed. You call them up and they're different. They're naturists, but this is not like them. They're not into this kind of deal, but they've changed. They're so zen now. So we thought we'd get my mum on the phone for a bit of an update on how her meditating's going. Good morning, Mum.

Good morning. Good morning, Ray-Ray. I can hear it in her voice. Two drinks today, remember? Friday. Two drinks. You're not drinking now because you're meditating. No, but I was just telling you so that you'd know.

So are you also, you're off the source? Oh, no, just cutting back. Okay. Cutting's good. Never completely. Life will change. You don't want to go cold turkey. It's not good for you.

Megan's saying when she calls you, you guys are just all full of life. Oh, calm. Yeah. Yeah, calm. Last night, Dad was making dinner for Mum at 6.30 and Mum went to get her hair done. I was like, good Lord, what's happened? Yeah, I know.

I come home and it was all ready. Venison burgers. Venison burgers. Yeah, made a bit of a mess of the pan, but... How did you find your reaction to the messy pan compared to, say, a month ago when you weren't meditating? I just left it there. I thought, oh well. I won't wash it. He will. Wow. And as opposed to what? A month ago

you might have yelled at him. Yeah, I probably would have bashed him. With the pan. Had him with the pan. Right, okay. So how has Dad been? Have you noticed a change in him since he's been meditating? Yeah, I think so. He doesn't think. You see, we do a lot of work for crazy Auckland people and I think he's sort of calmed down a wee bit.

He doesn't sort of get so irate. Right, right. Okay. Sort of stands back and looks at it rather than puts his fist through the screen. Right. I mean, some of those clients might be listening to the... Oh, that's all right.

Sometimes, you know, you've got to do what you've got to do. She's not even worried about personal clients. Now, I heard you say about the meditation centre in Nelson, but it's not actually in Nelson. It's in Upper Mootree. Oh, I'm sorry. It's the Chanderiki Centre. Apart from the meditation,

are you enjoying other aspects of the Buddhist religion? Well, we've got a friend that we have met that comes from Sydney. He's been over here for quite a while doing some, he's working here. He's about to head off on Saturday. And he's actually going to, when he goes back to Sydney, he's actually going to change into the lifestyle because it's, they're non-judgmental. They don't, I mean, we were sitting there on Sunday

and this guy came in and he just looked like he was the head honcho from Hell's Angels. He was covered in tattoos and we thought, oh my God, you know. But, you see, they're not judgmental. Well, maybe you need to learn a bit of this. There wasn't a breath between saying they're not judgmental, this bloody gang member. Yeah, everything's so calm and, yeah, they're just so calm. Do you think you'll switch it around and introduce them to your other lifestyle,

the nudist, naturist lifestyle? I don't think they give a monkey's really because the people, Jenny, our friend that sort of got Wayne to go down, because he's got a lot of pain and stuff. And she's had a lot of history and stuff. She's had a lot of history. She's going through health issues at the moment. The Auckland specialist said to her, try meditation

and she just said without it she doesn't know how she would have coped. Right. Mum's like on board. I know, it's really good to see you're so full of life, Ray Ray. Well, I don't know about that. You should have seen me yesterday. I was like a bloomin' dead dog out in the garden. But, you know, it's just nice.

It's just calming. The place is just lovely. Right. And, you know, it's just different. Just the way they, yeah, the breathing. She's drunk. She's drunk. No, Dad, so we were joking about the bowls,

and Dad's going to do the bowls tonight. Yeah, it's the singing bowls tonight. He's going to go and try it. They lie in a circle with their heads into the centre. Okay, yeah. And then the vibrations, and they concentrate sort of a bit of yoga, sort of in the breathing and then the vibrations. Apparently it's very popular.

You're not going? You're not going? You can do anything a try once Apparently it's very popular. You're not going? You're not going? You can have anything to try once, won't you? But you're not going to the bowls? Not tonight, no. Okay. Yeah, so I'll see how it goes. Right.

Once I'm on the floor, I don't know how I'm going to get up. Well, they might have a sleepover. Might be so relaxed. Very true. They might have a little bit of a sleepover. Nice. Oh, no, Mum's sounding very zen. I'm very proud of you for trying something new, Mum. Yeah, well, no, Mum's sounding very zen. I'm very proud of you for

trying something new, Mum. Yeah, well we'll let you know on Monday. I'm going to go back to another class on Sunday. Okay. Yeah, let us know how it goes. Yeah, okay. I will. Okay. Bye, Tope. See ya. Thanks, Ray. It's interesting throughout life how your idea of, like, try something once,

see if you like it, changes. Yeah, true. When you're young, you know, it's pretty, maybe something a bit risque or sexual. how your idea of like try something once see if you like it changes yeah yeah true when you're young you know it's pretty maybe something a bit risque or sexual and then when you

get older it's lying down by a bowl I think if they keep this up you're going to lose all your inheritance to this meditation centre

and your dad will have a rat's tail ZM's Fletch Warner Megan the podcast. Megan, sometimes while we're getting ready for the show, switches between that song and The Weeknd, just in her headphones.

No, not that song. And I hear it bleeding out. Harry Styles falling. The one that he did at the Brit Awards. Yeah. And The Weeknd really gets me going for the show. You know, energised. If we're chucking together a list of people that are going to get you

in trouble with your husband the weekend Nick Jonas you got a Jonas you got a Harry Styles Harry Styles two more we might as well make it a five

Brian Whittaker who's Brian Whittaker the guy that made the chocolates on Instagram no Zara Larsson's ex-boyfriend he popped up on my feed. Brian.

And I was like, who is that? And I was like, oh, it's just some famous guy. He's a footballer. No, he's not. No, he's a model. Oh, yes, I see what's going on here. He's a very attractive man. Yeah.

But then, like, that's, he's got a similar look to your husband. So you can always just be like. Yes. That's how I get myself out of trouble anyway. This supermodel looks so much like you. I thought it was you when I started following. Alright, well, it's time for

Fact of the Day Day, Day, Day, Day. Today's Fact of the day is about crab mentality. Okay. Crab mentality is basically best described by the phrase, if I can't have it, neither can you. Well, this sums up me because I'm a cancer and I'm a crab.

They're crabs, aren't they? Yes. That's my star sign. And if somebody can't have something, you don't, if you can't have something, you don't want anyone else to have it either. I'll sulk. Yeah. So crab mentality is because it's based on how crabs behave in a bucket.

Oh yeah. Crabs are all in a bucket and there's one crab amongst them that can get out. Yeah. The other crabs will pull it back in to stop it getting out. They're like,

well, we're in this together, mate. The crabs are, I'll get out, I'll go for help. Like hell you will. That's like being on this show You could get out We won't let you We won't let you

We'll drag you back We'll do anything That's why those Fiji and hotel crab races are unpredictable Because they're finally out of the bucket That's every crab for himself So members of a group will attempt to reduce the self-confidence of any member who achieves success beyond the others.

Don't get too ahead of yourself. Like a born shit for his TV show. Is that why? So you use envy, resentment, spite, conspiracy or competitive feelings to halt people's progress and it could be your friends that you do it to.

Is this just New Zealand? The crab mentality, funny you should say that, the impact of crab mentality on performance was quantified by a New Zealand study of all the countries in 2015, which demonstrated an average 18% exam result improvement for students when their grades were reported without a number beside them. Right. So if it was, they just said, this is your name,

and people would be like, how did you do? But on average, put themselves 18% ahead, just so their friends or people who got above them didn't think they'd done that much better. But everybody did it. So the top score for that exam was 118%, I assume. Yeah, right. Yeah. Wow. So the top score for that exam was 118%, I assume. Yeah, right. Yeah.

Wow. So is New Zealand the worst at it? Crab mentality? Crab mentality. And the UK is pretty bad. It's really similar to tall poppy, I guess, in a way. You're the crab that's about to get out the bucket. Yeah.

Into maybe a bigger bucket. Get back in this bloody bucket and suffer with the rest of us. We should be letting that crab get out because he could find another bigger bucket for us to all go to. Yeah, and then we've got more room. Yeah. For crabbing. Maybe he could get a crab-sized chainsaw and cut a hole in the bottom of the bucket so we could all get out. He could get to the top.

Exactly. And his weight, if we all go to one side, could tip the bucket over. We could all be out of the bucket. Oh my God, did we just write some kind of business lecture about teamwork? I'm pretty sure we're going to be doing one of those life coaching seminars. We've got a best seller book here. Get that crab out of the bucket.

Get your crab ass out of that bucket. Oh my God, we might have to do a TED Talk. The subtle art of getting the crab out of the bucket. Yeah, brilliant. Sounds great. Done. Now we'll just like fill it with a whole lot of BS that we don't even really believe ourselves. We've got a best-selling book. So today's fact of the day is that thing where you don't let any of your friends get too far ahead

because that's the way it has a name and there's a crab mentality. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Some stats. In New Zealand here, in this country, if you're listening to this on the podcast and you're overseas, suck it. Suck it. We live in the best country in the world.

The longest median lifespan in the country, according to Statistics New Zealand. Wait. Are you about to tell us what the longest one is? Aren't you supposed to work your way up to that?

Or no one wants to know where you're likely to die. True. Fair call. Earlier? Yeah. Hmm? I'll hit it then.

Nelson. Yeah! Oh, your hometown. I reckon that'd be a great place to retire in. Like having lived there and visiting their, you know,

family from there. It's such a great, it's a great part of the country. It gets so cold in winter. No, not really. Crisp. Crisp. Crisp morning.

Lovely days. I'm going far north when I'm old. I'm going far north when I'm old. I'm going far north. It's too muggy. It's too muggy. I'll move up there. It's all right, Kat.

I'm old and it's too muggy. So 81 for men and 86 for women, the median lifespan. So that's right in the, of all the people that died, that's in the middle. In the middle, right. It's not average. It's a little bit different. With my very basic knowledge of statistics, I thought the fact that died, that's in the middle. In the middle, right. It's not average. It's a little bit different. With my very basic knowledge of statistics,

I thought the fact that so many old people in Nelson would affect this, and it does. Yeah, right. Nelson has 20% of its population is aged 65 years old or older. Now, that's old. And they drive under the speed limit. I know. Richmond, it's just a big retirement village, really.

Stoked. Super slow. Yeah. So that means the higher proportion of deaths would be older people, thus increasing the median age at death. But other areas with good ones, Marlborough, just over the hill. It's the sunshine, I'm telling you. They beat Marlborough, which is good,

because you guys are always looking for something to rub in their face, isn't it? I mean, they've got wine, so they win. We've got wine? Jackson's got wine? Yeah, it's driven over from Marlborough. Hot French backpackers?

Yep. And we've got hot all kinds of berry pickers. Except for that time those overseas backpackers peed in the, was it the blueberries to make the weight heavier?

No, no, it was the boysenberry, it was a multi-berried berry. It was a multi-berried berry. It was a raspberry or boysenberry. One time. Don't let them tarnish. No. It was a raspberry or boysenberry. One time. Don't let them tarnish.

No. Otago, Canterbury, Taranaki and Wellington. What about Hamilton? What about the bay? Of what? Well, either bays. Hawke? Plenty or Hawke?

Poverty? Yeah. Plenty? Or what about like Tauranga? I would have called, because that's retirement central. Tauranga is the newlywed and the nearly dead. Like there's heaps of old people, but heaps of young people.

Way more younger. Over in Papamoa and that side of the situation. So that brings it down. So there you go. Nelson to retire. No, don't all go there. I'm going there. Bugger off.

That's a good attitude. That's how old people think. So you're feeling fine. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. It was my birthday yesterday and received a gift from you guys who once again exploited my... Vulnerabilities. My vulnerability and emotional state on my orbital anniversary,

as I like to call it. Well, you've always said you want your dad's approval. Yeah. And I'm, it's said half in jest Because he's always been Very approving And very supportive And everything

But And to Narnia And Mountie Who I believe at the moment Is sitting at the social media desk Went down to my parents house And recorded a lovely video And you can see the video

On our Facebook page And Yep A lovely side to this emotional exploitation is how many awesome messages I got from people saying it's great to see a fully grown man, that's me, opening up emotionally at the emotions being opened up by another fully more grown man, which is my father.

And so many people saying they don't have that relationship with their dad or maybe they've lost their dad. at the emotions being opened up by another fully more grown man, which is my father. Yeah. And so many people saying, you know, they don't have that relationship with their dad or maybe they've lost their dad. Or they don't say it enough. Exactly. Yeah. And lots of people saying they were making contact

with their parents to say it. Because, yeah, and as I said last night on an Instagram post, thanking everybody for everything to do with my birthday and how lovely the messages were and everything, that you'll always regret telling people you don't love them. Yeah. Or maybe not saying it enough. You,

I've never heard anybody say, I regret telling, insert person here, that I love them too much. Yeah, right. Yeah. You don't hear that. No.

You don't hear people ever regretting saying that they love anybody too much. So, do that today if you didn't do it yesterday. Who did a better social media shout out

for you yesterday? Do you know, Megan, I put up one thing on my story saying happy birthday to old mate Vaughn and embarrassed myself in the process. Our photo from 2007. By the way, did you get as much heat about our fashion as I did? Yes, I got a lot of heat. Do people not remember that was what you wore in 2007?

The big skate shoes. Globe or DC shoes. Yeah. And a bag of your pant. That was the outfit of the pant. Absolutely wore it. You're doing this wrong. You've got to laugh along with them. Otherwise, they keep picking at it.

I did laugh. I put up one and Megan's like, well, I'm going to outdo you and I'm going to put up five. And she did. Five stories. Yeah. It's not a competition. But you. Lost.

Put yourself up there to be like, I don't look that great in this photo. Whereas every photo Megan was in, she looked good. Yeah. Thank you. You know, you did. I was like, yeah, that one I can see where she's picked at. I'm not even looking at the camera.

But Megan looks hot. She's like, happy birthday. She's one of those people. All the photos are about her, not your birthday. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, All the photos are about her, not your birthday.