ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - February 27th

Episode Date: February 26, 2020

August's Bumhole Song, Fletch Sucks and Fact of the daySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Hit music. Live the air. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. It's six o'clock already. I'm prepared. Okay, let's hit it. Let's hit it hard. None of us won Lotto. Well, the big one. The big one. Yeah, the big one.

The big one. Because was First Division won? Because you know First Division can still be won. What was that, a million bucks? Yeah, four or five people shared a million dollars. Imagine you finally... They get 28. No. How much did they get each? Well, if there was five of them, it'd be 200.

280. I don't know. Oh, was it? Was there four of them? Something like that. Imagine that. You finally win First Division and like 10 million other people have won it too. Well, not that many people, but you know, you get excited for the million and then you get 200.

I was talking to my nan, my grandmother at the weekend. Yeah. And we were talking about, it was a weird conversation. We all covered all the usual stuff, how the Chiefs are going, what we're expecting from the Warriors. I know nothing. I know nothing. You know nothing. I just let my 86-year-old grandmother lead the charge on all sports chat. And then we came up with the perfect amount of people

that we'd be happy to share Powerball with. Oh, yeah, okay. Ten, far too many. Yeah, right. Even though it would have been like four and a half or four whatever million dollars each. Yeah. Far too many.

Okay. Far too many. Okay. Far too many. We decided four. Because then you get just over 10 million each. Who would you share yours with? No, no. We just decided how many people. Because you know like you just said, if you finally win and you have to share it with 10 people,

you're like, oh my God, I've won millions of dollars. Yeah. And then you find out there's three other people that think the same. Or 20. Yeah. Exactly. So it's a must win. millions of dollars and then you find out there's three other people that think the same and then you get Or 20 Yeah exactly So it's a must win It's a must win

50 million dollars on Saturday That is nuts How many people would have sat down and had like conversation We had serious conversations about how we'd

break down that money I tried to explain to my kids how much money it was How I came up with deciding how to tell them was I said if the average person for their entire life

after tax, that's pretty much how much money you earn, right? A million bucks? Yeah. After tax on an average income. So I said, you imagine working

your entire life, your entire working life from 20 to 65 and you get it all in a pile of money. Now make 42 piles of that money. Wow. In one fell swoop.

Did they get that? Yep. Okay. That's actually insane. How much? When you break a dollar. Yeah. 42 lifetimes of post-tax earnings.

Lord. All right. Coming up on the show, the top six returns. Yeah. Air New Zealand, they've got a new way to travel. Skynest. Skynest is like a dormitory in the sky. Bunk beds.

The top six issues. I can see with Skynest. I'm all for it, by the way. I think it's a fantastic idea. Oh, yeah, any chance to lie down. Yeah, don't know the pricing structure and stuff yet, but I'm on board, but the top six problems I can see with it. I think it's a fantastic idea. Oh, yeah. Any chance to lie down. Yeah, don't know the pricing structure and stuff yet, but I'm on board with the top six problems I can see with it.

All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. All right, story time, three news headlines. Odd, interesting, unusual news stories that I found. Vaughan and Megan picked one of the following three headlines. Headline one, auto brewery syndrome. Headline two, police embarrassed after woman slips handcuffs.

And headline three, motivational speech doesn't stir some. Motivational speech. Give me one again. Auto brewery syndrome. Is this the one where somebody's stomach has stomach can ferment fruit?

And so whenever they eat fruit, their stomach ferments it. And they get wasted. So they get OTP as they're eating it. Is that the story? It is. Well, yeah, someone was wanted a, I think they were going in for a transplant and the hospital said, no, you've got to sort out your alcohol addiction first. But they didn't have one, did they?

No. Because all their tests were coming back that they'd been drinking and they were like, well, you're just taking the piss. You're not getting a transplant. But they weren't. But they weren't. They were auto-brewering. Well, thanks for that, Fletch.

We don't need that story now. Story. And it's weird because I remember reading about it once and it's not as rare as you would think. Really? Nah. Because that sounds like something that one person in history would have had. You're like a kereru. Yeah.

You're a human kereru. Kereru. Kereru. Beautiful bird, beautiful. It's always my bird of the year. Did you see somebody put a photo online, they got home and their ranch slider had a massive kereru imprint on it. A kereru had on it. And like

remarkably like you couldn't mistake it for anything else. It's lucky they didn't break the ranch lighter. What do you mean a ranch lighter imprint in glass? Or just a smashed glass? No, no, no, just like a smudge. Like it had flown and it hadn't seen the window and it was like g'donk.

Oh my god, it's a keridoo, okay. Well there was no dead keridoo at the, I mean, a dog or a cat may have. No, the ketidu flew away. God, imagine that. Yeah, your cat wouldn't know what to do with that much food. I reckon a ketidu. Put some in the fridge for later. But you know how when you hurt yourself when you're drunk,

you can just shake it off? Yeah. So that, yeah. Oh, here, look, found it. It would have flown in and been like, oh, you're all right, mate. It could be no other booze. Oh, Jesus. Oh,, yeah. I hear you. Look, found it. It would have flown in and been like, oh, you're all right, mate. It could be no other bird. Oh, Jesus. Oh, my God.

Wings out. Yeah. Wings out. Oh, my God. That poor kitty. Greasy, greasy little bar. So that wasn't it. Yeah, well, they love their fatty berries, don't they?

They love it. That little crazy little pocket pocket. It's so great. Yeah. All right. So, you know, not that serious. So either police embarrass after woman slips handcuffs or motivational speech doesn't stir some. Motivational speech?

Yeah. You want that one? All right. We go now to America. And this is post a match here. A high school baseball coach. He has taken the team to the state championship for the first time in 30 years. So you can imagine Coach Ken Brown, very excited after the team won.

He was apparently on the bus, the busload of boys, where he gave a stirring speech. He said, we got this MF-er right here. No one else has it. It's effing ours. You guys showed up. You effing played the game. You played it right.

You never effing panicked. He praises them. It was an emotional speech. You guys showed up. You effing played the game. You played it right. You never effing panicked. He praises them. It was an emotional speech. It lasted 25 seconds and contained a total of 42 words, including a lot of F-bombs. But the school and the superintendent did not appreciate it. Skinner! Skinner.

I think I'm going to think of Superintendent Chalmers. Skinner. He was fired. For saying a few F-bombs. Yeah. But as of Tuesday morning, a petition to reinstate the coach has had 13,500 signatures. Oh, he was just excited.

Yeah, the first time a head coach of a Florida high school baseball team has been fired. I'm sure there's coaches that have done worse. Yeah, there is a video that goes with it. He's very passionate. Very passionate man. Yeah, he's excited. So, unsure if he has got his job back.

But you'd think that being that he's a winning coach, they would have let this one fly. Yeah. If American movies and TV shows are anything to go by. Yeah. Mighty Ducks didn't have that many swear words from Emilio Estevez. No, well, that was a Disney movie, though, too, wasn't it? Yeah.

That's somewhat reluctant to drop an F-bomb. Fleshfauna Megan, the podcast, ZM. There's research, this is a British study, that 66% of people in Britain wanted their partners to dress up. Really? In the boudoir. Okay. 66% wanted to play dress ups.

So they looked into this further and they have broken it down into the top eight outfits that people were keen on. Yeah, right. Okay. What? No, please continue. I don't want to know about like, I don't know, like does anyone, like have you ever done this?

Like dress up as a sexy nurse or something? Like it's weird. That's weird, right? I don't know. I don't want to know. But like really? I feel like Kiwis are too like, I don't know, conservative for this. All right.

To play dress ups. No way. That's like the, that's, I don't want to comment on this. I feel like you were about to, but then you were like, no. I feel like this is following me around. I just, that's entry level, isn't it? I would have thought that that was like, what? You are going to get banned from First Seen,

which is a big costume shop in Auckland. Megan has now officially been, her photo's up in the door of First Seen at any major costume shops around the country. Do not loan this woman costumes. No, you'd be more of a look sharp, you know, the $10. Yeah. The $10 nurse outfit.

No offence. It's nurse outfit. No offence. It's just cheaper. No offence. You're cheap, horrible synthetic material. No offence. So there is eight. Okay. There's a list of eight outfits that people are keen on.

The most, like, from to number one. Hey, to number one. He's blushing. So you've never had dress-ups? No. Well, what would I dress up as? What would I dress up as? I don't know.

It's your choice. What do you find sexy? You can be Batman. Should I dress up as Batman? Do people find that sexy? Yes. Oh, that got you. That'd be great. Look I dress up as Batman? Do people find that sexy? Yes. Oh, that got you. That'd be great.

Do you see the look on his face? Your nipples are hard. Yeah, why are your nipples hard? That's weird. Your nipples aren't hard. It's not hard. You guys don't even know them. You should see the nipples on my Batman costume.

You can dress up as Batman. Right, okay. It's important to ask your partner what they're into, though. I hear. Because if I hear, he turned up as Batman. Oh, shit. Okay, so here's the top eight. Okay.

Actually, no, I'll go from eight. Because number eight's quite funny. Bin collector. What? This explains why your mum went sad when the rubbish guy left. Yeah. because number eight's quite funny. Bin collector. What? This explains why your mum went sad when the rubbish guy left. Yes. It's not as odd as it sounds.

Yeah. What would that be? Just a high biz? Yeah. And then squish some rubbish on your clothes. Bit of bin juice. Bit of bin juice.

Have some durable yet sensible footwear. Yeah, true. I guess it's not just the outfit. It's like the game you play. So you put a high-vis vest on and then you're like, I'm coming to kill you. I'm here for the bins.

My bin's full. I'm going to fill your bin with my rubbish. So sexy. Or I should have said with my junk. That was an absolute sitter and I missed it. You missed the trick. Number seven is landlord. I'm here to put the rent up.

Oh, don't. What could I? Oh, yeah, okay. Put the rent right up. What can I do to make the rent cheaper? See, you're into it. You're good at it. You know, you know.

You're really good at it. We're there all along. Number six, I get this one, a sail good at this. You know, you know. You're really good at this. We're zero all along. Number six. I get this one. A sailor. A sailor, like... Yeah. Team New Zealand.

Personally, Sailor Moon, maybe. Maybe that falls under, like, Navy, right? Oh, okay. Not like... Not Blair Duke. Navy officer. Peter Burling. Yeah, I was thinking of those guys on there.

On the grinder. On the grinder. Guys on grinders are actually number six. Number five. Oh, God. What are we like? Number five, police officer or superhero. Oh, okay.

Police officer or superhero. Yeah, right. Okay, there you go. That's number five. Do you reckon many cops would take their uniform? Are you allowed to take your uniform home for sexy times? Yeah, I think you have to. It's not. You get changed in the police station. On the TV shows, they always get changed in the locker

room, don't they? And they have their beef and banter. But the police, it's not very sexy. They need a bit of... Oh, our one. I know. Our one's terrible. The pants. Number four, nurse or student? Nurse? Is that why former producer Caitlin went into nursing?

Yeah, she's a nursing student. So there's your twofer. That's a twofer. Twofer. Top three. Firefighters, number three. I would have thought that would be number one. Number two is Playboy Bunny.

And number one. Probably not a great look for you, Fletch, Playboy Bunny. I'd probably stick with Batman. Okay. I'm not body shaming you. But you don't have the t'm not body shaming you. Oh, okay. Sounds like you are. Thank you.

I'm pleased. Is that a compliment? I think so. Yeah, right. Okay, good. Number one is very cliche, but... This is the most sexiest outfit people want for role play. Yeah, in the bedroom.

Okay. Number one is a French maid. Why a French maid? Could it be any maid? Well, there's just the little black skirt, the little white penny and the hat. Before they've cleaned or after? Because it might smell like lemon pledge.

Or spray and wipe. Yeah, but that's not the worst. You think back to further down the list, there was rubbish man. So I think I could put up with a bit of Jif. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. How fast is too fast? Over the speed limit.

That's it, right? That's what speed limits are for. Well, or you go like 104. Just 10 over. There's some sections of New Zealand road, very few, 110's going to be. Yeah, a lot of the expressways, 110, which I think's fine. Because they were built specifically to be 110,

but a lot of the roads around New Zealand were built when you used to get around in a horse and carriage or a Model T Ford. Well, yeah, you've got to go around some of those corners at like 40 or something. Well, a Napier student by the name of Kingston said, yeah, I was driving too fast. He was going 148 kilometres in an 80-kilometre zone. Oh, wow. That's lost the licence.

He said it was fast, but it wasn't dangerous, and a judge has agreed with him. What? If it's on an 80... You're going... I can't work it out. I don't know. A lot.

Almost 70 k's over speed limit. I mean, if a kid steps out in front of you... Oh, you're not stopping. Or something. Yeah, you're going down. It was in a Suzuki Swift too so there's another surprise.

How can a Suzuki Swift go that fast? This one's got a... Is it a sport? It's got a spoiler. Oh, that's a mags. Actually, my friend has a Suzuki Sport Edition. They're zippy.

They're very zippy. Quite surprising. Is that the one where you mounted the curb or the roundabout? Me? Yeah. When I was driving? Yeah. Oh, no.

No, it was one of those roundabouts. You know, it's not a roundabout. It's like a hump. Right. It's an indication's not a roundabout. It's like a hump. Right. It's an indication more than a roundabout. Your friend wasn't happy about it. Like a round speed bump. Yeah, it's like a round speed bump.

It's one of those. Like a dot. Those are more of an indication than a roundabout. Yeah, right. So I was like, I'm just driving straight over it. Because you can. You don't need to go around it. Nah, not all the way around it.

Nah. Pop a little wheel up there. I don't know what the law says about that. Yeah. You don't need to go around it. Nah, not all the way around it. Nah. Pop a little wheel up there. I don't know what the law says about that, but yeah. So this 18-year-old going 148 in an 80-kilometer... Yeah. I know, I don't know a lot about the roads of Hawke's Bay, but apparently this is beside the Hawke's Bay Airport. Oh, beside the beach, and it's really flat.

Yeah. But an 80K zone and an officer clocked him going a different direction. Right. At 148. I know. Okay. But the judge said that he wasn't. He kind of agreed with him that it wasn't dangerous.

But it's 148. There's a reason they made the speed limit 80. Yeah. Because that's the safest speed to drive in that area. There'd be hazards and all kinds of things. So is that a precedent now for if you do get caught speeding, that you can say, like, if you weren't swerving, could you say, like, well, it wasn't dangerous.

It wasn't dangerous. Yeah. That's ridiculous. That's the danger of it, right? Yeah. I mean, he still got punished, didn't he? He still lost his licence. Yeah, but not like...

Yeah, right. Dangerous driving charge or something. The full, long smack on the arse from the law. Just a little pat on the bum from the law. Yeah. Hmm. So he got $400. $400 and 130 court costs.

But he was not disqualified from driving. What? I thought if you went over 30, you'd just lose your licence. I thought that was fast enough for a car impounding. Good Lord. Maybe if it was a souped-up Mitzi, maybe. Souped-up Suzuki Swift. Kind of more impressive than anything.

Fletchvorner Megan, the podcast. ZM. Coronavirus. I'm just looking at a map of the world. We're still grey, so we don't have any coronavirus cases. Didn't we fly some from the cruise ship back here? Yeah. So technically we've got some, but we haven't?

I don't know. That's a very good question. I don't know. South America, that's free. That's free. And the majority of Africa is also free of coronavirus. I thought they said South America. Wasn't there yesterday the first case or the suspected case?

Oh, really? So this has been updated? Damn. Because in Italy is... Italy's bad, yeah. Italy's 10 people have died in Italy according to this map. But South America, even though I've been watching a few things on Pandemic, South America seems to be... Yeah, right.

...the last place. I saw a vaccine was about to be tried on humans. Oh, okay. Really? So let's hope that works. Oh, okay. Really? So let's hope that works. Yeah, until the anti-vaxxers can have it last. Well, they will want it.

Good. Mate, they'll take their chances with the crystals, thank you. True. And do they? So one of the things that coronavirus might affect is Splenda, the artificial sweetener and the critical raw ingredient in Diet and Coke Zero. Oh, God. So what?

So what I heard, apparently Coke have said that they've gone to an emergency contingency and they're fine for now. Yeah, but... But there's just warning that... US apparently most likely and first affected by it. Australia and New Zealand not not like super in danger. We're not worried about it. No.

At the moment. Yeah, but it is something too. I mean, you're a fiend though, Megan, for the... That's my vice. Yeah. You know? A bit of splendor. But what about Coke No Sugar?

Well, same thing, isn't it? It's all the... I don't know, because they don't say Coke No Sugar. They specifically mention Coke Zero and Diet Coke, but they don't say Coke No Sugar. They specifically mention Coke Zero and Diet Coke, but they don't mention Coke No Sugar, which I'm sure... Well, you might need to stockpile just in case. I know this is the problem, though. You've just told everyone.

So we're all going to be stockpiling now. You can all just wait till I've got mine. That'd be great. Do you think, because I'm just looking at images out of Italy and stuff and these places where coronavirus has gone crazy, all the supermarket shelves are bare. Like, should we start stocking up now for the apocalypse? Somebody put on our local Facebook page

that they've started every payday they're buying a whole lot of food. Like, canned food. Canned food, canned food. Yeah, right. I was like, why are you telling everybody? If that's your vibe. Oh, yeah, because then your place will get robbed. Is that what you mean?

Well, that and the fact that if everybody starts doing it, they might not have any canned asparagus for asparagus rolls during the apocalypse. That's true. I'd be screwed. I've only got 10 tomatoes at the moment, and that's not pleasant on its own. I can imagine you and Mr. Toyboy for two weeks holed up on four tins of 10 tomatoes. Rationing out one 10 tomato a day because you can't you and Mr. Toyboy for two weeks holed up on four tins of tinned tomatoes. Rationing out one tinned tomato a day because you can't leave the house.

I said to Shanae, well, should we start doing this? And she's like, no, I don't want my pantry looking like that. You can say that to her when you're struggling in your house during a pandemic. For a priority. She's like, oh, no, it'll make the pantry look ugly. Put it in the garage. Put ugly. Put it in the garage. Put a box of stuff in the garage.

Oh, but then that's more horn in the garage. Welcome to the Fleet's Warner Megan podcast, brought to you by McCafe, for great barista-made coffee on the go. From the ZM think tank, this is the top six. You may not. Oh, good morning. Good morning. Good morning. You may not. Oh, good morning. Good morning. Good morning.

You may not have heard of Hangar 22, but it is Air New Zealand's innovation centre in Auckland. I'd love to go for a look. You'd have to sign an NDA, a non-disclosure agreement. I can't keep my mouth shut. You won't be invited. So there's no promise there. But this is apparently the result of three years of research and development

and over 200 customers' input. Right. But Air New Zealand has revealed their prototype economy lie-flat seating known as Skynest. Sounds like a James Bond movie. Well, I was trying to sing Skyfall, but I realised... You're not Adele? I can't sing one tune when I've got another music in my ear.

That and I'm not Adele. It reminds me of Skynet. Oh, from Terminator? Yeah. Right. Also a very real possibility. Some patent and trademark applications filed for the economy Skynest.

So this isn't going to be, you're not going to book a flight and get one of these for the entire flight and not, the economy cabin's not going to be all of this. No. It's like you rent a pod and you sleep in it for a few hours, right?

So 200 centimetres long, take that into account too. I'd have a bit of, you'd have lots of room, Magoos. Yeah, I would. But, you know, if you're over two metres, you're going to need to bend in the knee. I'd have room for a bag at the end of that. 50, yeah, that's good. Bring a red pillow. And 58 centimetres width at the shoulder area, piled up in three.

Okay. So there'd be six of them on board. Six of them all together, but still, give it a go. But I can see problems with this. And here are my top six Skynet issues that I can see from here. Okay. Number six, hanky-panky with a loved one. Or in Fletcher's case, anyone.

Possibly even an Air New Zealand employee. Unbelievable. Would you go on record and say you've never had fun times with someone who works for the National Carrier? Sir. Sir, and you are on record. You know that I have. You're setting me up. Yes, I do know.

So it's a possibility. Unbelievable. Oh, that was awkward. You walk on me up. Yes, I do know. So it's a possibility. Oh, that was awkward. You walk on board, you're just like, hello. It happens wherever we go. What are you talking about? It's not like it's just on a plane. Get an Uber. Oh, my God.

Go to a cafe in a different city. I'm right here. Oh, my cafe in a different city? I'm right here. Oh my God. What are you doing? What are you doing here? Walk past those people living rough on the streets smoking synthetic cannabis. You can stop now.

I'm right here. Eye game. Number five on the list of the top six Sky Nest issues I can see from here. Farts. Small area, curtained off, six people. If you're on the top bunk, farts seem to rise, don't they? Yeah.

Them farts. You two going in there. And you with your feet. Excuse me? We'd be a stanky trifecta. That is for sure. Number four on the list of the top six sky nest issues I can see from here. Apparently you'll be buying it in shifts.

So if you're flying to LA, I don't know how long the shifts are. Maybe that's something that you can pay for. If you're on an 11 and a half 12 hour flight, you need at least 5 hours, right? 5 or 6 hours. That would be ideal. And also, do you like set an alarm to wake yourself up to get out?

But then you're waking up everyone else. Yeah. And you know how you can never go to sleep when someone says, you've got four hours to sleep, go. Yeah. You're like, four hours to sleep? That's not enough sleep. You look at your watch and you're like,

so when did I get to three hours and I've not slept? So that could possibly happen. Yeah. Number three on the list of the top six Sky Nest issues I can see from here are me spilling my free cocktails all over myself. You know when you lie down and you try to drink and you're like...

You try to just take the cup just enough so it gets to your lips. And then there's a bit of turbulence. And then before you know it, you've got a bloody Singapore slung all over you. Number two on the list of the top six Sky Nest issues that I can see from here And then before you know it, you've got a bloody Singapore slung all over you. Titties. Number two on the list of the top six Sky Nest issues that I can see from here are snoring Germans. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Are they the loudest snorers? I just tried to Google, like, the world's worst snorers. By country. Nah, but it wouldn't give me any by country stats. Oh. Like, the most snorey. I don't know why I'm

thinking the Germans. For the biggest... Mostly because I've stayed in a hostel in Wanaka once and it was the Germans that snored all night. They love to get up in the middle of the night at a hostel and rearrange their bags. Classic Germans.

That's what they do. They snored and then they woke up really early and started noisily getting ready. I was like yeah, you've had a good night's sleep, mate, but the rest of us have been listening to a bloody German snore. Megan can't relate. She's never stayed in a hostel. Do you know what one word would fix this? Hotel. Tramago.

They got us. They got us. Even my kids. Really? Oh, Sade said hotel just at the end of a sentence. And both of our kids at the same time were like, Trivago. Because it's the YouTube pre-rolls. Oh, yeah.

And number one on the list of the top six Skynest issues I can see from here, a quote from Carl Fletcher not an hour ago, they're asking for it. This is going to be an onboard masturbatorium. Masturbatorium. I said that to you off air in privacy, Vaude. But you're not wrong. They will become a masturbatorium. Yeah.

Okay. It's such a flash. A wonderful word. Yes. It feels like there'll be Roman pillars. In the masturbatorium. In a word. Yes. It feels like there'll be Roman pillars. In the midst of a bar. Yeah, but they'll want those pillars to just be polystyrene painted to look like rock. You don't need that additional weight on board any form of aircraft.

That is today's top six. All thanks to Save My Bacon Making borrowing better for financially responsible Kiwis Soundkeeper Gary is in rubbing his eyes Tired this morning, Gary Are we tired? Yeah, a little bit of a funny one last night My wife hosted a book club

And she said I wasn't invited So I had to sit in the room until she was finished That is the saddest thing I've ever heard in my life Did you have TV in the room until she was finished. That is the saddest thing I've ever heard in my life. Did you have TV in the room? No, no. I just kind of sat and waited. Finished at like 11 o'clock. In what room?

In my bedroom and I wasn't allowed to come into the lounge so I had to like go get water from the bathroom tap and stuff. Gary, that's been called,

you're being held hostage. That's bizarre Why didn't you just go to sleep? What book were they reading? What book was I reading? What book were they reading? Oh, some crime novel They never let me know

I'm not allowed in the book club But they do bake well I'll give them that What, and they give you a couple of scraps And send you to the room? Yeah, half a muffin Are you sure this isn't your mum? This feels like someone's mum in the 80s

Did you marry your mum? Go feels like someone's mum in the 80s. Did you marry your mum? Go to your room. Mum's got friends over. All right, well, Soundkeeper Gary, $60,000 is the current jackpot. We had a clue yesterday. Joining us to take a guess, Morgan, good morning. Hi. All right, Morgan, you've got through.

All right, $60,000. This is the secret sound. We had a new clue yesterday. No doubt you've poured over the clues. You know all the wrong guesses. Those can be found at ZM Online. For $60,000, what is the ZM secret sound? Is it a photography camera?

You might have to be more specific. Okay. Like the shutter noise when you take a photo, like paparazzi type thing. Like a photography camera, you mean a DSLR camera, proper?

Yeah, like a proper thing with the long bit. Yeah. A proper thing with the long bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, all right. So are you saying it's when you press the button

and it goes... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, all right. So are you saying it's when you press the button and it goes... Yeah, yeah. Okay. How are we feeling about that, guys? I don't know, Gary. It doesn't sound like anything to me. It sounds like a whole bunch of noises jammed together, so I'm not sure. Well, Morgan.

Yeah. Unfortunately, that's not what the Well, Morgan. Yeah. Unfortunately, that's not what the secret sound is. Oh, that's about as sad and disappointing as having to spend the time in your room when your wife's having a book club. ZM's Fletch Warner-Megan, the podcast. Lotto has jackpotted. No winners for Powerball last night, I think.

Four or five winners for Division 1. So they share a million dollars. That doesn't sound like much, does it? When you've got a jackpot of 40 million. Then you go look at your bank account and you're like, no, that's actually okay. I'm all right with that. But it's not as much as it could have been.

Give me more. I need more. I want all of it. 50 million. It must be won this Saturday. So that gets in split. So if no one wins first division with Powerball, it's second division with Powerball, right?

So then that goes to however many people won that. If you look last night, how many people won second division, it would have been quite a few. Yeah. Well, they normally sell, what, half a million tickets? For your usual lotto, and they were expecting three times that last yesterday. Yeah, I'm sure I saw that there was a million New Zealanders playing lotto.

I'm sure I saw that yesterday. And all the, you know, all the lucky lotto stores around the country, the ones that are like the top dogs? Yeah. They just had lines out the door. I prefer the app, and I only ever do it when it's like this, when it's mayhem. Yeah. When it gets to like 20, 30, 40 million.

If you get the app, does it just automatically tell you if you're a winner or not? Well, I tried to log in last night and it was overloaded. So I was like, nah. And then I woke up this morning and saw no one had won. So I was like, great. But you can't use a credit card to buy on the app. You have to link it to a bank account. No, I've got my credit card on there.

You're talking nonsense. No, I went to register because I got locked out of my account. Why? Because I forgot my password. Okay. And then I went to reset it and apparently let too much time pass between it. And then there's a problem. I've got to contact Lotto, but they've probably got other stuff to deal with.

I literally put my credit card in. I didn't think you could buy Lotto with credit cards. Well you can on the app because I do it. I thought it would

have to be linked to a bank account. I literally just done it yesterday. Like direct banking. Oh I'm going to check my ticket for yesterday.

Okay. On didn't win. Nothing. Not even a little one. Not even a free ticket. Not even a free ticket. Not even a free ticket. Nothing.

Sucker. Because I've been buying them for the last three weeks and I never buy a lotto ticket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, Megan, you and Mr. Toyboy, you broke your lotto virginity

because it got to 40 and you were like, well, we've got to get a ticket. Yeah, I didn't want to miss out. I was like, you've got to be in twins. So it was the first time we'd bought one.

I still haven't physically bought one. He bought it for us. How did he go buying it? He just said, I want a real good ticket. What do I do? And so he paid $28 for, like, extra lines. Am I talking? Do you know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah. Cool. And so we had two tickets. One was a smaller size ticket than the other was a bigger one. Yeah, that might have been a strike ticket. A strike ticket. It was probably a strike ticket. One was a strike ticket. than the other was a bigger one. Yeah, that might have been a strike ticket. A strike ticket.

It was probably a strike ticket. One was a strike ticket. Don't bother with the strike. Don't bother with strike. Yeah. Don't bother with that. Just do the Powerball. We had the physical thing, so I couldn't check on the app. And so we were lying in bed last night and we're like, oh my God, Lotto.

We might be millionaires and we're just lying here not knowing. Yeah. So we went and got the ticket. I had my phone light on and a pen. Yeah pen and I was like, how do you do this? So he was going through the numbers. He was going through the numbers and I was just like circling individual numbers and then counting how many I had on a line. Is that what you do?

Yeah, because you get six. That's first of eight. And how did you go? We only got three on a line and no Powerball thing. That's nothing. That's nothing. So then we had to go through all the different divisions and went down to Division 7 and I was like,

oh, three on a line. Oh, but you have to have the Powerball. Bonus. Bonus. Oh, bonus ball. Yeah. I don't know what that is. It's the last one that comes out.

Well, no, it's the second to last one. It used to be the last one, but now there's Powerball. That's the last one, but it's got its own machine. Plus, that was just a free ticket. And I was like, oh, boo. Is that free ticket for next draw? Yeah. Cool.

I also thought it was next Wednesday. So thanks to letting me know it's Saturday. I'm like, oh, God. It's Saturday. It's hard gambling, eh? It really is hard gambling. The best question we've had about Lottie this morning, though, not how do I do this, comes from executive intern Anya,

who when you found out that no one won last night and the next draw is Saturday, what was your question? I said, do you get to keep the ticket for next time? Seems like a bloody rip-off. We're just learning. Because nobody won, you assumed all tickets would carry over to Saturday. Yeah, and then we just fill up the blanks. Do you fly to Christchurch and use that ticket again

the next time you want to fly to Christchurch? Yep. Don't keep... No. Well, yeah, it just makes sense, though. And then you get to keep the numbers that you've already circled from the last draw to go towards this draw. Yes, and so eventually you'll end up filling a line

and winning Powerball. Yay! I don't know if that's how it works. Right. But yeah, must be won. Saturday, $50 million. I was reading a woman that won, she won a jackpot a while ago, $19 million.

She still drives her $2,000 car. She wants to throw a run off the scene. What kind of car is her $2,000 car though? It's a Toyota or something. Fuel efficient. Yeah, you're not wrong. And then you wouldn't get people asking you for money thinking you'd won Lotto because you're driving a $2,000 car.

She still goes to her job, right? Yeah. 85% of people that win big still work. 85% of people are dirt heads. Your boss is sitting in the room. I'll tell him to his face. If I win this Saturday, you'll be getting a big. 85% of people are Dirk hairs I would see I would tell him to his face if I win this Saturday you'll be getting a big

you're my friend too but I still tell you to get F'd I'll go back to doing like Lazy Man's Drive I'll do the afternoon show move on do that in the morning though

scooch along Brian Clint and I'll just do that afternoon and even then I'll just come in when I want in fact I'm not coming in.

You build me a studio at home. You can build it yourself. You've won $50 million. I'm not supposed to be spending my own money. The time of the day you were born is important in this next segment. Okay. Because it will determine the rest of your life. I was out the sunroof.

At what time? At 11.30. At night? Yeah, I believe it was at night. What an inconvenient little piece of work you are and continue to be. Always a punish. I was 8.31am.

I've messaged mum on WhatsApp because she's a Whatsapper. This feels like horoscopy. You can't group a bunch of people by the time of day they were born or month and the year they were born. This is done by a group of psychologists. Yeah, not astrologists. Psychologists. What time of the day were you born?

7.30 in the morning. In the morning. Okay, so we're both morning and Fletcher's night. Inconvenience for the morning. Wake up, get it done you have the rest of the day sort yourself out yeah um so it determines whether you are an early bird or a night owl so people who it's just whatever time of the day you were born if you're born in the morning you're more likely to be an early bird if you're born later at night but you

get up early and it's still straight it's I got to choose, I'd probably still be a night owl. No, you wouldn't. And do what? Watch TV. Vaughn, now you figure out what Vaughn was like when he was a night owl. Yeah. All mums just message. Play video games.

Oh, my God. Sweet time again for video games. I was 1am. Not a week. You're more inconvenient. What is wrong with you? Why? What to do that for?

I need it out. Out the sunroof. Out the sunroof. So we are programmed, apparently, this is psychologists remember, from the moment of our birth. Okay. So literally when you come out and what you see at your time of birth can set your biological clock. Well, we all see a vagina.

I mean, as in if there's light or no light and it programs you from the get-go. No one's born in the dark. Hospitals aren't like, it's nighttime and you know what that means, switch all the lights off. We live in here as they do outside. I'm just reading what the psychologists have said. Okay. People who are born prematurely as well can be influenced by their moment of birth That's really what the psychologists have said. Okay.

People who are born prematurely as well can be influenced by their moment of birth in an even more extreme way. So like waking up extra early in the morning. That's me. I was premature through only three weeks, but still counts. Indy was, our daughter was premature six weeks early and she is getting to the age now

where she loves a sleep in. Not today. She said yesterday when we were chatting, I was like, school time now where she loves to sleep in. Not today. She said yesterday when we were chatting I was like, school's gone, get out. She's like,

not today. I was like, you're eight, I'm so proud of you achieving things that took until me. I was like 10 or 11 until I first told my mother

I had no way I was going to school. So advanced. So advanced in her laziness. Right. Couldn't be prouder. What does it mean

if I was 1am? What am I then? I don't know. You just said it would, you'd tell us. I know, but I was like, I didn't know what middle of the night means. But so if you're born in the morning. You're still active in the middle of the night. Are you a morning person?

That rings true. Yep. Right. Very active, aren't you? The middle of the night. Oh my God, why is this a New Zealand Comedy Festival day on me? Calm down, okay? Imagine if that's how the comedy fest worked.

It's like lotto. Everybody's names in a, yeah. And then they pull out one person for the two weeks of the comedy fest. 14 names are drawn out. And if they are, like, the comedians get to spend, like, a few months researching you. And then they just roast you. Nationally, it's a 24-hour broadcast.

There's so much fodder on you that in a field day... Oh, Lord, you would be shaking in your boots if they drew your name as to Carl Fletcher. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. OK, so last night, we toured a Thai BYO with some friends for a birthday celebration. What did you get? Pantai.

Yes, I did. Chuck a pantai. Chuck a pantai. I would you get? Pantai. Yes, I did. Chicken pantai. Chicken pantai. Try something different. Did you get money bags? Did you go for entrees? No, I didn't do an entree because it had a big cheese board before,

so I'd kind of ruined my appetite. A cheese board before Thai? Well, no, it was like four o'clock. A few of us were like, let's have a cheese board. There's a couple of drinks. Hot play. What cheese did you get?

Hey, here's something I want to run by you. Yep. Quickly, on cheese boards. Charlotte from George Jersey, Geordie McShaw, who was in yesterday, from the North Shore. Charlotte Crosby, yeah. Charlotte Crosby. We had some cheese and have you been paying attention?

She ate the middle out of the cheese, the wedge of camembert with the waxy seal. She ate the middle out of it and didn't eat the sides. Sides. Everybody was appalled. It was a universal, we were all like. Did you do that when you were a kid? Like, because I didn't think the sides. Sides. Everybody was appalled. It was a universal, we were all like. Did you do that when you were a kid? Like, because I didn't think you'd eat that.

I didn't like the hard white bit. We didn't have bourgeois cheese as a kid. Oh, you don't mean the cheese had that wax seal on it and some cheese was in it. No, no, no, no. You just mean. The totally edible. Oh, camembert.

Camembert. No, that's what you eat. That's delicious, right? Yeah, that's delicious. She ate out the middle of the cheese and left the casing. Why did you not bring it up with her yesterday? I forgot.

So traumatic, I pushed it right. Yeah, right. Okay. And she ate all of it. Right. Shouldn't leave. That's weird. She ate the whole thing.

Weird. Maybe some people can't handle the texture. I'm just glad we're all universally on board, but that's a terrible idea. So anyway, we have the cheese board. What cheese did you have? A Camden. It was the delicious Camden beer. Did you have a blue?

No. Because you're a bit of a pussy when it comes to blue. Mort and I will smash the blue. No, see, I don't mind a blue and a salad. Yeah. I don't mind a blue. Yeah, okay. We'll eat and a salad.

But anyway, so we did the cheese board. The cheese board has nothing to do with it. Who have we become? What? Just talking about cheeses. Having a thorough 7.30 in the morning chat about cheese. Well, cheese is life. I know.

Cheese is so good. Cheese is why I will never be vegan. Exactly, yeah. So we have the cheese board. We go to the Thai BYU place where, by the way, half the people order chicken pad Thai. Dum, dum, dum. Yeah, dummies.

Yeah, big dum, dum. It's just a great meal. It's a classic go-to. Anyway, so the BYU started 6pm for dinner. And at around... It's already half an hour later than the bleach as usual. At 10 minutes to wait. Two hours later.

Yeah, 10 minutes to wait. I'm like chatting to my friend next to me and I'm like, I think I'm about to like leave because I'm getting tired. Because I was, you know, I'm normally in bed at nine. I was like, by the time I get home, I'm ready to like leave because I'm getting tired. Because I was, you know, I'm normally in bed at nine. I was like, by the time I get home, I'm ready to go. And that's when one of someone else's friends turned up for the BYO,

sits down and looks at the menu and orders are main. 10 to 8. And we'd been there from 6. What's your beef? I don't know what the problem here is. What's your problem? Everybody's still chilling. Is anybody eating? Well, everybody's at the end.

They've all finished. Okay. They're all on their final drink. They've got half a glass left. Everyone's thinking, well, now's the perfect time to go home. And this guy sits down and orders food. I want to go home. Did he say, I'm going to be late?

I didn't know this guy. He was friends with someone else. Given that you don't know them, you can leave. You're not attached to it. It's not like Vaughn's turned up. No, but I'm like, well, I've got to wait now because we've got to wait for this guy to eat. And everyone's just looking at him like, why is he ordering now?

He's missed the BYO cutoff. Don't turn up. Like, have a drink. I'm confused as to what sort of person would be, like, comfortable turning up so late. Yeah, I wouldn't be comfortable. I just wouldn't go. I just wouldn't go either. If I couldn't be there. Yeah, or I would just... Maybe half

an hour late? Or I would have sat down and just had a drink and then got food later on my own. What was the general feeling of the table? Did you speak to anyone else? Well, I said to my friend's ex-boyfriend, I was like, um, he's ordering food. And they're like, I know. So the general consensus was a weird move. Well, around me, a-boyfriend, I was like, he's ordering food. And they're like, I know. So the general consensus was a weird move. Well, around me, a couple of people around me were like, this is a weird move.

You've missed the cutoff. But I also feel like because you don't know him that well, it's not your friend. You can be like, hey, I'll get you a CR. I just got up and left. I'm out. I was like, I need sleep. I need nannies. I was getting grumps.

Hated your part and left. Yeah. But it was weird. But a lot. I need nannies. I was getting grumps. Had your partner left. Yeah. But it was weird, but a lot of them stayed while he ate. Well, because they feel obliged. And it's weird because it wasn't a Friday night BYO. This was, you know, a midweek BYO. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everyone had work the next day.

Yeah. It wasn't a big night for everybody. Well, might I say, weird night for BYO. Yeah, well, I guess you can't help what day your birthday's on, can you? Oh, true. So they weren't on their actual birthday. That's weird. That's even weirder.

Weird, though. Turning up late to a birthday. Maybe he'd work. I don't know. I don't know the guy. Well, just don't go. This is why you don't go out to anything. Oh, God, no.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. I'm obsessed with Love is Blind. This is God, no. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. I'm obsessed with Love is Blind. This is a Netflix show. It's a social experiment where men and women, they look for love and they get engaged before they've met in person, but they've spoken to each other.

So it's like married at first sight, but they don't see each other. It's a blind. So they date beforehand in pods. So all the girls are living together. The guys are all living together and then they date in rooms where there's a screen and they can't see each other. So they

do make emotional connections but they don't know what they look like. You can only hear them. Yeah, and then they get engaged and that's when they meet. Wow, so they see each other. Yeah. Wait, so they see each other at the wedding? No, no, no. They see each other once they're engaged.

Okay, wow. What about, are they allowed to ask what do you look like? That's cheating though, isn't it? Cheating. What do you look like? Some of them do, but then women are like, well, that defeats the purpose of what we're doing here. What would, if you were on the show and someone said,

what do you look like, what would you say? Isn't that so hard? I don't know. You'd just be like, I've got green eyes, blonde and brown hair. Back in the day of internet chat rooms. Yeah, yeah. I'd be like, oh yeah, I surf.

I surf. Hence my name. Yeah, RipkillDude69. Yeah, yeah. SurfyDude420. hence my name blood guy yeah rip kill dude 69 yeah yeah surfy dude 420 but um and this I guess if you haven't started watching this

might be a little bit of a spoiler a little bit because we do find out this one detail in like episode 2 but there's a couple Carlton and Diamond

um and he has a little secret so at this point spoiler alert they are engaged okay and he has a little secret. So at this point, spoiler alert, they are engaged. Okay. And he needs to tell her something. I don't feel like you're going to want me after this information.

What information? In the past, I have dated both genders. He's dated both genders. So he's bi. Yeah. So they're engaged and he hadn't told her that at thisenders. Wow. He's dated both genders. So he's bi. Yeah. But so they're engaged and he hadn't told her that at this point. Right. And then what happens next?

How does she react to that? So initially she's like, okay, she's kind of just quiet. But the next day she, they absolutely lose it at each other. Because when I came into work this morning, I went out to get my breakfast and came back and you and executive intern Anya were having a big old goss about this. Yeah. I thought that you had some actual goss.

Like, I was like, who are you gossing about at work? These are about people we don't know. But we're so invested. We feel like we know them. She threw coffee on him. What? After that? Yeah.

She was like, you lied to me. Like, we've gone into this relationship and you didn't tell me the truth. We're engaged. She should have told me ages ago. Did she ask him if he was bisexual? Because technically he didn't lie, he just didn't tell her the whole truth. But I was just like, that's full on because that's not a lie

about, that's not just a mistruth, that's something personal about him because you've got to remember they've already known each other a few days, that he might not have been comfortable divulging yet. Yeah, right. I felt't know. I felt like she and she has come out and she said she does regret her aggressive

reaction when he told her. It was very aggressive. He hasn't known her that long in the scheme of this dating show. What, how many, was that a couple of days? And it wasn't like he was going into the marriage. Also, is that a deception? Like, you don't have to, when you go into any relationship, you don't have to go, okay, well, I've been with this person,

this person, this person, you know? I felt like it was weird. But if you're doing keto, you have to say it within the first five seconds of a conversation. Oh, yeah. You have to tell them. How did you react to that? I'll let you know.

Bread is a no-no for me. Executive intern Anya? I think she is not so worried about him being bi. It's the fact that he only told her. I mean, I say so far in, but really it is only three days. But they're engaged. They are engaged. But she's on a reality show.

There's got to be a list a mile long of things he doesn't know about her. But I feel like that's just her excuse to get angry. Because why is she angry? Is this the first time she's also seen him? No. She's seen him before. But then she doesn't want to get married to him and then she finds he's cheating with a dude.

But just because he's into both doesn't mean he's going to cheat on him. Like he said, he's in love with the person. I just think that's a very old school thought. But it did lead me to believe, lead me to think like when you've got into a relationship and you felt deceived by someone,

they didn't tell you a little something. About themselves? About themselves until later. Oh, okay. Like maybe you got engaged and they told you something. Like when did someone drop a bombshell in a relationship?

Something you didn't know. And how did it affect the relationship? You can technically get away with it because they didn't ask you. Yeah, and they just didn't bring it up. Personal details for him. Some text messages in. Somebody said, I was seeing a guy for about two months. It got serious pretty quickly.

Yep. Then he told me after a few months that he had two kids. He even had a tattoo of their initials, which he had initially told me stood for something else. Oh, no. I don't know why. But I guess that would scare some people off maybe. But now, however, we've been married for 15 years. But then that's like not hearing about the kids for a couple of months.

There's nothing compared to some of the messages that we're getting in. Yeah, that's right. Let's start with some calls. Anonymous, you were dating someone for a month. Yeah, I thought true. Alright, let's start with some calls. Anonymous, you were dating someone for a month. Yeah, I thought mine was bad. But doing so many, damn. Yeah, I dated someone for

about a month, the third, and kind of dropped the bombshell that his mum was a dealer of some kind. And we're not talking about puppies. Oh my god. So not a casino dealer? Drugs. No, no, no.

Yeah, and yeah, it wasn't great. The relationship didn't work. Yeah, so you're like I don't want to be at my home and get gunned down

in a home invasion. That'd be an avoidable offense. And then the other reason I don't know if you can hear this but like Oh my God. Yes. Oh my God, you know how it goes And the other reason, I don't know if you can hear this, but like... Oh! Oh, my God!

Yes! Oh, my God, you know how it goes... And then it goes... Do you have the... One? Oh, yeah, I mean, I can do that. Give me a sec. Oh, my God, I'm so turned on right now. It's a horn, it's a horn.

Yeah, I mean, he didn't like that. He didn't like that part, so. Yeah, I mean, you can't be a cop and date someone whose mum's a drug dealer. It's just not going to work. That sounds like a good Netflix series to me. A good scripted drama. It does.

Thank you, Anonymous. Thanks, Ossipa. Ossipa. Jeez, okay. You've been in a couple of drinks. It's that horn, isn't it? Who have we got here? Jamie, good morning.

Good morning. Good, now what did you find out five years into marriage? Yeah, mate, so I dated this girl for two years, proposed to her, married for five years and then went out for dinner one night with her. She was having a kebab

and she just got up and said we had to leave with a kebab stuffed in front of her face. And I was like, okay, yeah, yeah, what's up, what's up? And she's like, my teeth are just falling out. And unbeknownst to me for knowing this girl for seven years, five years into the marriage, her, she had false

teeth. Oh my god! And you've never noticed her, I mean I'm just, I just know my dad had like a plate and he'd always put it in a cup of that steridant stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, beside the bed. Did she never do that? You never saw her teeth in a cup? No, but it's quite funny because in some of the stories I'll be asking her after was

she would say she'd wake up during the night and her teeth had fallen out on the pillow and she'd grab them before I'd wake up and stick them back in. She'd have choked on them. Oh my God. I can't believe she managed to hide that for so long. Jamie, that's crazy, isn't it? All right, Jamie, thanks for sharing. Incredible.

Anonymous caller. Good morning. What did you find out about your partner? Good morning, guys. How are you? Good morning. Good, good. So I was going out with this guy.

We'd probably been together for nearly a year, and I was pregnant with our first child. And I was talking to some co-workers one day and they just happened to casually drop into the conversation about how he had like an eight or nine year old son that was living in Australia. Wow, okay. How did you take that? I kind of sat there going, yeah, yeah, okay,

waiting for the punchline to drop and all that sort of stuff. And they'll go, no, no, no, didn't you know? And apparently everybody that we worked with knew this because he'd sort of announced it before we even knew each other. Right. So I then got on the phone and rang him while he was at work to be like You need to answer this question

What the hell's going on? Wow I mean technically he hadn't lied had he Just hadn't told you Yeah, yeah, yeah A lie by omission? Yeah, it is Anonymous sex you call

Ask some text messages My parents were married for five years And had three kids Me and my twin sisters And dad was going to go get a vasectomy. I went and asked how many kids he had. He said four. And mum said, no, you've only got three.

Turns out he'd had another kid from a previous relationship that my mum didn't know about until he accidentally let slip. Four. Dad. Wow. It was a previous relationship. Yeah. It's not like a love child.

No. I was dating a man double my age for about six months when his friend told me he has a son my age. Wow. When we started dating, I had asked about, you know, if he had any kids or something. He said, I don't like speaking about the past. So technically, again, not a lie.

Just an omission. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Thanks to Save My Bacon, making borrowing better for financially responsible Kiwis. Soundkeeper Gary is in. Hey, guys, I just asked my wife about the book club thing. Apparently all of the husbands get sent to bed

when book club's being hosted at that person's house. That's just a weird kinky thing. That's what she's telling you. You go back and you're like, first of all, you're making me shit about being locked in the bedroom. So if you missed this at seven, Gary's wife had a book club

and he was locked in the bedroom. Wasn't allowed out. To 11pm? Yeah, out of the room. It's still weird, Gary. Drink out of the bathroom, tat. It's weird. It's your house as well, Gary.

Who cares if you wander into the kitchen and get a glass of water? Not allowed, according to book club. Also, I can imagine you'd be like, what's the book about? What's happening? How is everybody? What's going on? You'd be very annoying during a book club. I can definitely see that.

Jeremy, good morning, Jeremy. Morning. Morning. All right, so you've got through the secret sound $60,000 on the line. Yeah. This is the sound. What is it? Is it a self-inking stamp?

Oh. Oh, yeah. Okay, so you press that thing down. Push it down. Shonk. Yeah. And it goes, check. And then the second sound is the paper, like, so you press that thing down. Push it down. And it goes, check.

And then the second sound is the paper, like, rustling afterwards, like, flicking to the next part. You need a stamp. Oh, okay, so you're like, you've got your thumb or something and you're just, like, flicking the paper open for the next stamp. Yeah. I can see it. Oh, I can hear it. Okay.

That's been a guest's previous secret sounds, hasn't it, the self-inking stamp. It has. Someone said, has that already been guessed? Similar. Has been. Similar one has been guessed.

Not a self-inking stamp. What was guessed before? Just a stamp? Yeah, like one of those ones that you just like. A stamp pad. Yeah. Oh, okay.

This one's self-inking. This is the one that like turns, isn't it? Yeah. When you push it down. Yeah. Like rotates. And you put paid on the invoice.

Or you get them in the letter and they're like overdue. Jeremy? Yes. Great guess. Not the sound. Thanks, Jeremy. All right. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan.

The podcast. ZM. We've talked about Jump Jam on the show before. It was not really when we were at primary school. Jump Jam. Yep. We did Jump Rope for Heart. Yeah.

That's what we did. Heart House. No music. You just had to jump. Skip and count how many skips you'd done. That's all. That was about the. Times were tough back in the day. Yeah.

But Jump Jam is a massive part of New Zealand primary school aged kids who went to the primary around the millennium. Many classics. Jump Jam classics. Oh, Who Let the Dogs Out by the Baja Men. Yeah. Witch Doctor. Ooh, ee, ooh, ah, ah, ting, tang, walla, walla, bing, bang.

Ko Tahitangi, the New Zealand song. Oh, yes. That's an absolute classic. YMCA, Aqua's Barber Girl. Hey, baby. Oh, yes. That's an absolute classic. YMCA, Aquas, Barber Girl. Hey, baby. Ooh. Ah. That.

Yeah. However, yesterday when I picked up August from school, picked up both the kids from school, August was telling me they'd just been doing Jump Jam. And I said, oh, okay, you do the, and I went through it. I was like, did you do that? In front of all of her friends. I had my first stop it, Dad, you're embarrassing me. Oh, really? I did that. Oh, did you do the, and I went through it. I was like, did you do that? In front of all of her friends. I had my first stop it, dad, you're embarrassing me.

Oh, really? I did that. Oh, did you do the old, picking coconuts from the coconut tree? Oh, la, la, la, la, la, la. Did you do this dance as well? Yeah. Oh, God, stop it.

She's like, dad, stop it, you're embarrassing me. And her friends are like, ha, ha, ha, your dad's doing jump jacks. I was like, hey, God, kids, I'm cool, dad. Wow, put that down in, you should make that a Facebook event. A was like, I got kids. I'm cool, Dad. Wow, put that down in, you should make that a Facebook event

so that every year it pops up and it says, First time to stop what I'm embarrassing. Yeah. August. Hit me in the heart.

But she, she basically said that they'd been singing a song, they'd been doing jump jam to a new song that they hadn't done before. Right.

And it went, shake your bum hole, shake your bum hole, shake your bum hole. Right. This is on your story as well, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, right? So I'm like, what song is that? No school is going to let you sing a song that says shake your bum hole.

So this is actual, it actually happened. I recorded it as it happened. There is no song Oh yeah, the internet's pretty sweet here. August, there is no song

that says shake your bum hole. How does it go? Shake your bum hole. Shake your bum hole. Shake your bum hole. I don't think if there was a song

that even said shake your bum hole it would be appropriate If there was a song That even said Shake your bum hole It would be appropriate For primary school children To be singing at school Anyway she laughed About it for ages And she's like

It is It's shake your bum hole Shake your bum hole I put that on Instagram And someone was like This must be an epidemic Of primary school age children Because it's not

Shake your bum hole It's this song This must be an epidemic of primary school-aged children because it's not Shake Your Bumhole. It's this song. So shake your bumhole. Shake your bumhole. Shake your bumhole. Shake your bumhole. Wow. Okay.

So those are the new words now. So every time you hear this song, Geronimo by Shepard. I like her lyrics better instead of Save Geronimo by Shepard. I like her lyrics better. That was the general consensus on Instagram. Yeah. Shake your bum hole. Shake your bum hole.

Shake your bum hole. Shake your bum hole. And the actual hole too. Not just the bum. Not the whole bum. The bum hole. Teachers around the country right now preparing for an epidemic of shake your bum hole. Shake your bum hole.

I love it. Bums away. If an expert says you shake your bum, it's like you're on the toilet, you shake your bum hole and it's bums away. It all makes perfect sense as to why kids have adopted this. Bombs away. Bombs away. So if you're out there today, shake your bum, huh?

And apologies to teachers around the country. Parents. Now every time Jump Jam happens, this has apparently been on the Jump Jam playlist since 2018. Congratulations to The Warehouse. Great news from them. They have launched $1 sanitary products to help battle period poverty in New Zealand. They have a packet of 10 pads, all liners, and it will cost $1.

Yeah, it's great from them, isn't it? So good. If we're giving shout outs, Countdown, they have 20 pads for $2. They released this back in 2018. And Pack and Save also have their brand of sanitary pads. They cost $1.85 for a pack of 20. So it's getting cheaper in an effort to battle period poverty. I know because some of the stories you hear of how there's improvisation or not,

it's pretty sad, isn't it? And kids just not going to school. Yeah. Because, yeah, it's that time and there's no products around the house and so they just don't go to school. Yeah, and if you're not adequately prepared, you don't want to go to school. No, go on then. Because if you have an accident at school,

it is the worst. I would imagine so. The worst. I can't think of it ever happening when I was at school, but, oh, we were ready. Every kid was ready at any time to tease someone about something that they couldn't help,

and that would have been, yeah. But I wish we had, I wish we'd gone down the road of Scotland, because remember, they're the first country in the world. I think it's only to students. They have free sanitary products to students in Scotland, which is great. Because we have free access to free condoms, don't we? Yeah.

But that's because it involves the guys. And that's if you want to do that activity. Yeah. But this is a guaranteed activity. It happens every month. Activity. To a lot of the population. But yet, no, it's not free, is it?

I was on my way home the other day and Sade messaged me saying, can you pick me up some Tammy Peas? Some Tammy Peas? Some Tammy Peas? Some tampons? That's a little while ago. I was like, damn girl, you're talking to your woke ass husband.

I'm going to probably pick up some Tammy Peas for my lady. But did you need to? Were you embarrassed by this? Because some guys will need to buy a whole lot of things and hide it in there. No, I don't care. No, I'm not fussed by that. Okay.

I don't need to buy anything else. Right. Which is weird because if I go to the supermarket for a few things, I end up leaving with like $6,000 worth of groceries and 18 trolleys. Being like, you just never know. Well, especially with coronavirus. You could be locked in your house. Stockpiling, yeah.

Stockpiling. Stockpiling. So I went there and I knew what I was after. Okay. But then I saw that you get them better if you buy more. Yeah. So I was like, budget conscious, yet extremely woke husband in the Tammy P section. Yeah.

I just get the biggest box of this brand there is. Okay. I know the type, the size, the biggest box of this brand there is. Okay. I know the type, the size, everything, all of that info stored up here. So I get the biggest box possible. Now I'm walking out and it's only that. No supermarket bag required. Yeah. I'm walking out and I hear, excuse me.

And I turn and I'm like, yes. And there's a guy there and he's like, my daughter loves your radio show. And I say, oh, thank you very much. And he's like, would it be all right if I got a photo to send to her? She'll be so jealous. I was like, okay, that's cool. Then I realized I'm holding this like

cigarette carton sized box of Tampons. I've got nowhere to put it. So I'm like, so I put my arm around the guy. So somewhere, someone has a photo of me with their dad in New World with a carton of tampons hanging over their dad's shoulder. I don't know if dad knew what was up. And I'm like, thumbs up. So I don't know.

And she's like, what a great man. Man, that guy is really in for a bulk buy. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. What is time for? Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Would you, Choice today, Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Would you, Choice today, would you rather hear about Monopoly moths or frogs?

Oh, I hate moths. So not moths. Yes, that's why we need to talk about moths. No. And Monopoly because of Monopoly. All that dust. You touched on the label, that dust on you. A dusty moth. We had such a big moth banging on the ranch ladder last night.

Did you think it was a bird? Yeah. It sounded like it was making a noise well beyond its size. Well beyond its class. Yeah. It was like. That's what it sounded like. That is an adequate representation of it.

It was like. Let me in. Hey, you've got lights in there. Hey. Hey, you've got lights in there. Hey. Oh, you've got some of them fluorescent bulbs. Excuse me. Excuse me, friendly neighbourhood huge brown moth. Let me in.

Let me fly around your light. Did I have a teaspoon? Was it knocking at the ranch ladder with a teaspoon? No, it's just how gonky its body was. Gonky's not a word. That's just adequate. Yeah, because I heard it. I was like, what's that noise?

It sounded like the cat being like, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. I want to come in. Except it was a big moth that wanted to flap around your light. Hey, hey, hey. Hello, friend. Night.

Especially because you've done your renos and you've got all those fancy new lights. Well, yeah. Ooh, filament bulbs. It's a flying dusty spider. You know I like them filament bulbs. It's a flying dusty spider. You know I like them. Filament bulbs. You're putting the shirts up, mate. This is how I'm going to imagine every moth now is like a real like creepy,

messed out light addict. It's like, yeah, I can see it from out here, but I can't feel its warmth. Anyway. Got some of those Philips LEDs. You know I love flapping around them, dropping my dust around. Hey, that's a nice clean bench you've got. Shame if I was to flop around on it when addicted to lights. And then it goes quiet and then it's like...

It's me, a monarch butterfly. I'm just a little bit dirty from the dirt. It was me all along. The boss was posing as a monarch butterfly. Yeah. I was trying to trick us because I'm like, oh, my God, pretty. Wait a minute. You don't look like a monopod.

And then it's like, what's this down here? A cat flap? Push, push. We'll push through here and get our sweet feed of light. This could be a great animated Netflix series. I can just see it now. A moth. Your wife's going to ask you later, what did you do at work today?

Well, for a good five minutes I pretended to be a moth. Jesus. Explaining that to anybody. Yeah, what do you do for a job? Well, basically anything I want. Today I aggressively rubbed a microphone with a teaspoon and pretended to be a moth. What's the fact of the day?

We're running out of time to do my new segment. You have to do moths now because we talked about moths so much. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So today's fact of the day is moths wiggle their genitals to confuse bats. Oh, no. So, because you know how bats... It adds a new dimension to getting into your house, doesn't it?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, no. It's like... And this... Yeah, hear this other noise. It's like... I'm just a bat doing my nightly hunt. this, yeah, this other noise is like. I'm just a bat doing my nightly hunt.

Oh, shit, the bat's here. I can't see anything worth eating here. All right, see you later. Let me in. The bat's gone. My sister wiggling the jinnies on your window. That's where the dust comes from. Okay.

Well, I'm not ever going to think of the dust from moths as their jinnies. It's moth jenny dust. It's moth jenny dust. So basically they can vibrate their genitals at the same frequency that bats use to hunt them. Right. Which causes mass confusion for the bats, but invisibility for the moths. Right. So they can't see them, so they remain safe.

Giving them more time to be at your window. Stop, I can't. Letting you know they want your light bulbs. What do you got in there? You got a 12 watt that's got the luminescence power of an old 100 watt. Today's fact of the day is moths vibrate their junk so the bats can't see them. Fact of the day, day, day, got the latest. Pete Davidson comes for Ariana in his Netflix special.

What? The moth finally gets in. Yeah. But everyone's in bed and all the lights are off. Except you're on your phone and you hear... On your phone, are you? Might slam myself into your screen a few times. Just get a little bit of that blue light before you go to bed.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Well, yesterday with Fletch Sucks launching on the program, and it's back again very soon, isn't it? Same body part, however different vacuum. Because yesterday we were using one Willa Henvest's vacuum. This is executive intern Anya's mother, Willa. She lent us her Panasonic with a Hep A.

Hepa or Hep A filter? It's got Hep A. The vacuum cleaner has Hep A. No, the filter stops Hep A from being. No, Hepa. Is it? I don't know. It just said Hepa on it.

And it had a slidey dial so you could turn up and down the suction. Juice it up and down. 240 watts. We were whacking the on-off button. When we came to retract the cord, I just stomped the thing, and the cord was like... And like that. Very disrespectful.

Be careful! Yeah, Anya, you weren't happy. No, it was careless use. Be careful with my mum's $40 vacuum cleaner. Okay, elitist. But... Do you know how much vacuum cleaners are? That would have been more's $40 vacuum cleaner. Okay, Elisa. Yeah. But. Do you know how much vacuum cleaners are?

That would have been more than $40. She doesn't need it. She's got a cleaner. Yeah, that's what we've been at. For midweek spills. Oh, okay. Yeah, right. Yeah, true.

Let's go take the Panasonic. I was told that that's it. We're not allowed to use the vacuum cleaner today. No. I'm not surprised. With people chomping at the bit for another episode of Fletch sucks. Well, yeah. I couldn't cancel this.

No. So that is when Fletch is like, well, I'll bring in my backup vacuum cleaner. Now, Fletch lives in a two-bedroom apartment. What's your square footage? Oh, no. 100 and something square metres. Square metres. Yeah.

100, 14 or something. Yeah. And with a Dyson. You might remember, I was once a Dyson influencer. Yes. Yeah, so I've got the Dyson stick one. Yeah, the only reason I have a Dyson

is because I got Flick to hand me down. But Anya called me a one percenter. For having a backup bathroom. A man of the people. This is so bougie. I use warehouse brand multi-purpose cleaner. I don't use spray and wipe. Wow. I'm just a man of the people. Just like the rest of us. I'm a man of the people. This is so bougie. I use warehouse brand multi-purpose cleaner. I don't use spray and wipe. Wow.

I'm just a man of the people. Just like the rest of us. I'm a man of the people. Celebrities, they're just like us. Don't you use Eco Store or something bougie like that? No. Liar. No, he bought one nice bottle of that fancy stuff.

I bought Aesop. You know, real fancy Australian brand. But now he just pours palm olive in there. Someone called me out on that the other day. You're still using an Aesop lip balm though, aren't you? Yeah, someone called me out on that the other day. And I was like, yeah, it's just a refill from the supermarket. They were like, yeah, we knew because it doesn't match what...

It's mandarin or something, but I've got a coconut one in there. And you squeeze it and it's bright green. Yeah. Not exactly like a natural... Coconut green. Yeah, it's a green. Yeah. Not exactly like a natural. Coconut green. Yeah, it's a giveaway. It's dishwashing liquid. But honey is probably

near 1%. But the reason I've got it, I've got a backup vacuum cleaner. It's a Kmart cheapo. It's like 25 bucks because when I did Reno's, I used the Dyson and this is what

no one tells you at school. You know, you never get taught at school what you need to know in life. Do you? No. Those bloody triangle things. I needed to know about taxes. I needed to know about

the fact that if you do Renaults, vacuum cleaners shouldn't suck up particle board and plaster dust. Because it burns out the motor. I had to replace a motor. So then when I had Renaults and some painting done recently, I was like, well, I'm not going to waste a vacuum cleaner. I'm going to go to Kmart. When I renovated

my house, I bought a separate vacuum cleaner to clean up the particle dust board. And then what were you going to do with that vacuum cleaner? Oh, don't say this. No. I was going to return it and say it didn't work. And I'd be like, yeah, because it's really cheap dust, you prick.

He's so fancy, he has a second vacuum cleaner, but so tight that he doesn't want to pay for it. Well, this is how the rich get rich. Yeah. And how they stay rich more importantly. And so then I was like, well, I'm too embarrassed to go back and say it doesn't work because it still works perfectly fine. It's actually a really good vacuum cleaner.

Is that the vacuum cleaner that everyone went nuts for and that sold out? I don't know. I don't know. But it was $25. It's little. That was $99. Yeah. And so, but? I don't know. I don't know. But it was $25. It's little. That was $99. I didn't go on. Yeah.

And so, but then I was just like, well, I'll just pop it away because you never know. I might need to vacuum up something that's a bit yuck for the Dyson. Oh, my God. Listen to yourself. Yes. Do you hear yourself? You are unbelievable. You love it.

Back up that. You two are bougie bitches. But it's $25. I've got a garage vacuum cleaner. Oh my gosh. Really? Because we got the new Dyson as well, paid for, not influenced. Yeah.

And I said to Charlotte, well, that other vacuum's fine. I'll use that for the garage. So every now and then you might hear me vacuum in my garage, which is really weird. The concrete floor. Yep. That's weird. And the rug under the car.

Oh, right, okay. That was there when we moved in, by the way. I didn't buy a rug to put under a car. That's sort of like up the echelon. That's weird. And the rug under the car. Oh, right, okay. That was there when we moved in, by the way. I didn't buy a rug to put under a car. That's sort of like other issues. That's real boomer stuff. That's hot skin. Ancient Kiwi philosophers saying, 660 saying, don't forget your roots.

Screw my roots. I might have a $25 vacuum cleaner as a second backup vacuum cleaner, but you spend more on shoes than I spend on vacuum cleaners. Yeah, but that's why I don't have a house. I mean, I sacrificed my life to get those shoes. Megan, currently looking for a house.

I looked on her Trade Me Property watch list. You know what her keyword search was? What? Pool. That's why I don't have a house. First home buyer. Why does it say pool? She's like, I'm not buying a house without a pool. I'm allowed to dream. That's why I don't have a house without a pool. Not one. I'm allowed to dream.

That's why I don't have a house. Yeah, because you bloody buy one, but you won't buy one without a pool. You're crazy. If you see a shady guy with a Dyson and tow, well, it must be time for... Fletch Sucks! This is the best thing about it. Fletch Sucks, baby. This is a great thing about it. This is a great radio competition.

I can see this lasting a long time. All right. So you need to call now 0800-DIALS-AT-M and guess what part of my body I'm sucking with the Today Kmart vacuum cleaner. We've downgraded, but still. Can you hear this? Yeah. Yeah, good.

So I don't feel it's just sucking. Cyclonic power. Yeah, cyclonic power today, but yesterday. They sound different, don't they, to an ordinary bag? Anya's mum's vacuum cleaner was 240 watts. I don't know, what wattage is this? It'll be the same. What?

It still needs to. Oh, no, it's the voltage. It's so hard to read upside down. 200 watts. I reckon your filter sounds a bit... So you feel your... I just accidentally sucked myself. Okay.

All right. Can you please put the filter back on? I'm about to start my radio competition. I don't think you need the filter. Do I not need it? Okay. All right, stand by, everybody. Here we go.

What part of Fletch is being sucked? Now, it is the same part as yesterday. Okay. All right, so take that into account, please. I actually feel like it's more sucky. Yeah, I think that's a suckier. I told you, the Kmart vacuum cleaner did a good job for my dust. All right, so let's take some calls.

Are you going to turn that off? Okay. I was very gentle with that vacuum cleaner because it's mine. That's how things work. All right, let's start now with with fiona good morning fiona what body part is it this way oh the face we're gonna need it to be a bit more specific I'm going to say the cheek. The cheek. Hell yeah! Yes! Yes!

You win! Woo! I liked it when we had losers the whole time. Well, it's over now. Now what? That did suck my... Have I got a hacky on my cheek? I think it looked like a far more powerful vacuum.

Yeah, I think it gave it away today, whereas yesterday... You do have a red bit. How am I going to explain a hacky on my cheek? I think it looked like a far more powerful vacuum. Yeah, I think it gave it away today, whereas yesterday... Can you do it a red bit? How am I going to explain a hacky on my cheek? Who do you have to explain it to? No one. Just everybody that walks past me in the street. Well, you've got to do it. Yes, absolutely.

All right, Fiona, thank you. You've won $200. Yeah. It's a jackpot, yes. I'm going to come back next week. Are we bringing this back next week with a harder body part? Ooh. To guess.

A harder body part? To guess. Okay. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hit me say, let's hear ZM.