ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - February 3rd

Episode Date: February 3, 2020

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ZM. Hit music. Live the air. Fletch Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Welcome to the show, Fletch Vaughan and Megan. Crazy that there's like rain on the West Coast and it's shitting itself there, but some parts of the country stinking hot this morning. What's Christchurch at now? I just looked before. 27 degrees. 6am. Good lord.

Feels more like... I love it feels like. Oh, it actually feels like 26.7. It's a little bit less. Oh, right. So I don't know what you're whinging about. Probably because there's no direct sun. It's all atmospheric heat.

But yeah, most places in the height. Auckland's 21. Macedon 22. places in the height at Auckland's 21, Marsden 22, Blenheim 22 at the moment. Gisborne got to, what was it, 38? 38.2. On Friday. Yeah. And that was its hottest temperature and the hottest temperature for summer.

But what are they saying? It could get to 40 in some places. There are some estimates that 40 degrees could be hit somewhere in New Zealand. That's Nazi. That's warm. Imagine the power usage over the last weekend of air conditioning and fans. AC and fans through the roof. I bet.

Well, the top six is going to deal with that. The top six ways to stay cool for cheap. Coming up. Okay. It is the return of ZM's $100,000 secret sound, Thanks to Save My Bacon, a brighter way to borrow at 7am. Just after the news at 7,

we will give you the very first listen to the secret sound. For all of us. For all of us. Because we haven't heard it. I want it to be my first listen. I'm always worried that Will When we play it Will say what it is

I know And then just like that It's gone No but we don't know if that's How have you heard it? I thought I got an email Or did you get the text

I got an email Yeah right Because if you were signed up And you text in You could have a sneaky listen last night No You got an email from who? Oh I've been If you were signed up and you text in, you could have a sneaky listen last night. No. You got an email from who?

Oh, I've been, I don't know what it is, but I've been privy. How did you get an email? I've heard it. I didn't get an email. You didn't get an email. Out of the three of us, why did they email you? Probably because they banked on the fact that I'd forget I got it until, to be totally honest, right until you said, I haven't heard it, I had forgotten I'd been sent it. But then I also didn't know whether or not they were just pranking me.

Oh, right. Trolling you. Yeah, to try to see if I'd leak it. What if they identified the weak links? Yeah. And then they sent them a secret sound, and then if that got out, they'd fire you. Every one had been sent a different one, and then they'd know that's the one they sent me.

Thank God I forgot. You passed the test. It pays to be useless sometimes, doesn't it? Oh, my God. So, so much. So, your first listen to the secret sound coming up at 7, 8, and we'll give you your chances as well at 11, 1, 4, and 5. I don't know what we're starting, the Cash Mount, eh?

Well, that will be... Is soundkeeper Gary going to tell us that? Gary will be telling us that. Yeah, right. All right, you lot, listen up. It's Storytime. Storytime, three news headlines. And Vaughan and Megan, you've got to pick which headline you want.

Out of the three. Headline one, man goes big in search for love. Headline two, utter chaos in Fort Worth, Texas. It's a cow thing, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Gotcha. And headline three, man's ATM withdrawal blows up in his face. Go.

ATM withdrawal. Did you say mango? Man. Man. Man goes big. I thought you say mango? Man. Man goes big. I thought you said mangoes big. Like big mangoes. Big mangoes. Yeah.

Mangoes big. Because what was it? Mangoes big in Search for Love. Yeah, I like that one. So what they're saying is if you're not having luck and love, mangoes. Mangoes. You want to go big with mangoes.

Do you know I only just like recently learnt how to cut mangoes properly when you do the like the little grids and crisscross. Slice each side or crisscross. Yeah, got it.

It's great. I love that. I tell you what, that still doesn't get rid of. How much of it gets stuck in your teeth? You're right, it doesn't. But mangoes are good,

but they're young. Stringy. How did ancient Polynesians get them out of their teeth? Well, they probably just had like oral bee floss or whatever it is. I don't think they did. Flax. Flax floss.

There would have maybe been. Flax floss. We should all be moving to flax floss because it's better for the environment. Because it breaks down. Yeah. Okay. Flax floss. I would love to see you get a giant bit of flax in between your teeth.

You'd have to strip it very thin, wouldn't you? Yeah, you would. Down to its very fibres. Yeah. You might start that as a business. You want mangoes? Searching big for love? Yep.

Mangoes. We got there. We got there. All right, we go to the UK now where Mark was, I guess he was struggling to find someone. You know, the whole dating thing, probably got sick of the apps, probably deleted them and then installed them and then deleted them again. As you do. Well, he thought he's going to try something different.

So Mark took out a giant roadside billboard featuring a picture of himself. Unfortunately, it's a no from me because he's used Comic Sans. What does it say, date mark? What's underneath it? So it's a picture of him lying like on the ground with his, you know, kind of hand under his head. What would you call that pose? Sort of a provocative side pose. Yeah.

Side lie down. Underneath date mark in Comic Sans. The Comic Sans continues This could be the sign you've been waiting for Visit datingmark.co.uk Oh wow So he's set himself up a website as well I don't know, do you want to see if that's still available?

Date mark Dating Why is he wearing those stupid glasses? Datingmark.co.uk Yeah The stupid sunnies put me off, to be honest. Yeah. They look like service station sunnies.

But good on him. He does look like he's got a bit of personality, though, but a sense of humour. He's reading a book called How to Read a Book, and it's upside down. He looks like such a laugh. Any report on the website? I'm Mark, an extremely handsome and modest 30-year-old living in Sheffield.

I work in marketing. There you go. There you go. So, probably got a discount on the billboard. Oh, I was going to say this is just a big publicity stunt. CV and publicity stunt as well, right? Well, yeah, probably is a CV for maybe his work in his future, sure. He paid £425, so about 700,800 New Zealand dollars to get this billboard.

Yeah, he said he's had more than 100 people get in touch. That was a couple of days ago when the news story broke. And I'm sure it's more now that this has gone kind of worldwide. He paid for it, did he? But then at the bottom, he's got links to the billboard provider. Oh, so he's got a discount. So was he in marketing? This is my cynical mind. Okay. Was he in marketing, this is my cynical mind,

was he in marketing and he was like, I'll be able to promote your billboards? Maybe. And it's actually meta level, it's an ad for the ad on the billboard. You guys are too cynical. I shan't enjoy anything. Everything

will be stripped down to its absolute essence Absolutely It's been 12 days of marriage And it's over for Pamela Anderson Did you know that she got married 12 days ago? No, I didn't even know That's the first time I've heard the name Pamela Anderson for ages

What's she been doing? Wasn't she in like Julian Assange or some kind of... I thought they were going to hook up, but they're just like really good friends, which is weird. Right. She's like going into bat for him. Right. But no relationship.

Right. It's the last time I heard her name in ages. So she got married to a movie producer. His name's John Peters. He, for reference, produced A Star Is Born. Oh, okay. Recently. And apparently they knew each other 30 years ago.

And I read when they got married, he was talking about her and he said, Pamela has never seen her full potential as an artist. There is so much more to her than meets the eye or I wouldn't love her so much. There are beautiful girls everywhere. I could have my pick, but for 35 years, I've only wanted Pamela. That's the statement he said when they got married.

Wow, okay. And 12 days later. I like that. I like that when he's getting married, he's like, just by the way, there are others out there. I could have my pick.

You're very lucky. But I've chosen you. That must have been only dating very short term because apparently until 2019, she was dating Adil Rami, a French professional football player. They were, her and John, although they've known each other for a long time, were together maybe a month and then- Got married.

Decided to get married. But then apparently also they didn't follow the paperwork, right? Yeah. So it's- Doesn't count? Yeah. Right. It's like they filled it out, but they were like,

let's just give this a couple of weeks before sending it off because it will be obviously easier to separate. Right. But do you think they would have needed a prenup? Or who would need the prenup? I don't know. Out of the two of them. Surely he would.

Because, bless her, but I don't know has she been making a lot of money recently? So she has a net worth apparently of $12 million. And what does John Peters, if he's a producer in Hollywood and has been for years, he'd be worth back. $300 million.

$200 million. Okay, wow. The insane career of John Peters from hairdresser To movie producer Yeah and people are saying Yeah it's in the millions Wow Oh he once said I'm the Trump of Hollywood

Oh wow Okay so he's a Lovely guy By the sounds of it How old do you reckon Pamela Anderson's kids are That she had with Tommy Lee What are their names

Brandon and Dylan Brandon and Dylan Oh 18 Okay So Dylan is 22 Brandon and Dylan Brandon and Dylan Oh 18 Okay So Dylan is 22 He's the younger one

And Brandon is 23 He'll be 24 later this year Wow Are they hot? The younger one's The younger one's the hotter one Ouch Like he's quite a good looking

I'll just show you Oh yeah okay Oh yeah okay The younger one's the hotter one. Ouch. Like, yeah, he's quite a good looking. I'll just show you. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, okay. He's a good looking guy. He's hot, yeah. He's really hot. Well, his parents are both good looking people. Yeah, but that doesn't always equal.

No, not always, Megan. Not always. Yeah. What's the old maths? Two mingers Equals a positive Two Two positives equal A negative

Times equal a positive Yeah Two negatives equal a positive But a positive and a negative Equal a negative Yeah I don't know if you can always say Just

Yeah I don't know I don't know ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan The podcast So the Chart of Flight That's bringing New Zealanders home from Wuhan, we've got some more details on what is going to happen to the New Zealand and Pacific Island citizens when they get here. So that flight is about to leave?

Today. I believe New Zealand? Yeah, because they've taken crew over to Hong Kong, I was reading. And then, yeah, they're just going to go in and out. How did they, did the crew have to volunteer? I think they did have to volunteer. Wow. Yeesh.

From what I've heard, yeah. Do they get extra pay? No, I think it's just their normal pay. I'd be asking for a lot more or at least free lollies. But I'm assuming they just steal those anyway, right? Yeah. They're probably sick of the lollies. Yeah, I think the lollies is good.

Yeah. Good currency, to be honest. So all the passengers will get screened when they are in Wuhan. Then they get screened when they, I'm talking about biosecurity checks and health checks, when they come back to New Zealand. Oh, they're not going through the green lane, that's for sure. They'll have to stand in that really long red lane.

I feel so bad for them. With the people who have bought wood back from Bali. Yep. Australian citizens will then get transferred straight away, chuck them on a flight, get them back to Australia. And returning New Zealanders and Pacific Islanders will be transported to a military facility in Whangaparoa. They're going to spend 14 days in isolation.

But you just said the Australian ones get, what, like an international transfer? Yeah. But then they'll be on a plane with other people. Well, no, they might be doing a special plane. Oh, a special, right. Okay, I was going to say that. A charter flight, I think. Right.

So they're all together. But yeah, they spend 14 days at this military facility. And we're Whangaparoa. Yeah. I didn't even know there was one. Together. But yeah, they spend 14 days at this military facility. And we're Whangaparaoa. Yeah. I didn't even know there was one. Neither. I thought it was just that place where all the houses look the same. Gulf Harbour.

Yeah. And that one road in, one road out situation. Yeah, yeah, right. It's always a traffic issue. Okay. I moved to a peninsula and now there's a traffic issue. They chose it because it has its own medical facilities and it's big enough to house everyone. But they will get daily medical checks.

Their families are kept together where possible, but they're going to be isolated from each other, obviously. And then they're going to try and make life as normal as possible. So they will provide means for people to work. Yep. Education for kids as they need, and leisure activities. And then at the end of 14 days, if they're not fluey and dead, they can just go out. Yeah.

What about the crew? I don't know. I feel like when they land, they're going to say to the crew, oh, by the way, you're coming too. But they're not telling them that now. I feel like. I wouldn't have even thought about that. I feel like unless they're going to be in full hazmat suits on the plane.

Yeah, they're going to have to go too. They're going to have to go too, 100%. Okay. I'm just reading more about this Whangapara Peninsula. Yeah. Military base. It was like World War II, just when everybody thought the Japanese Navy was going to invade.

Has it got tunnels? So many. So many tunnels. You're kidding. So many tunnels and two underground fortresses. Oh, okay, right. So we can just put them in there. Is that where they're putting them?

Again, the sweet spot for when the virus actually breaks out. They've got a bunker. That should be reserved for us doomsday preppers. Yeah, okay. Yeah, okay. Wow, okay. What are the leisure activities going to be? Because it's not like you can play with anyone else. Yeah, you're going to be able to interact with other people?

No. Oh, okay. We'll stop putting windows solid here. If you're not infected, but the other room is, they don't want them to be interacting with each other. Right. Also, New Zealand has yesterday blocked foreign nationals travelling

from or transiting through mainland China. This is also going to mean a lot of visitors coming from China aren't going to be able to come. Wow. And that's going to hurt tourism as well. And then apparently it's been reported that the H5N1 bird flu has been

detected in the Huan province. No, Hunan. Right. H-U-N-A-N. Right. Not W-U-H-A-N. Yeah. And then I found this chart that compares the virality

and also how fatal these flus are compared to other flus. Yeah. So corona, it's very infectious, but it's not always deadly. Compared to SARS, SARS 9%, just short of 10% of everyone that caught SARS died from it. This is 2.2% so far. Right. Yeah, right. I was reading a story about a doctor

who found early cases of this and he started spreading the word and telling his colleagues, like other medical professionals, and the government came and gave him a warning and told him to stop spreading propaganda. So I was like, this is what we're dealing with here. Everything's alright, guys.

Until it's literally not. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. There is a powerful impact the height of a guy has on a woman, apparently, which is why a lot of guys tend to, if they're over six foot, put their height on Tinder. So apparently... Well, we worked hard and we're... You grew that all by yourself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So basically, the greater the height difference between you and your partner, the happier the female is. Really? Okay, well that's...

Because that's... Ross Boss is like seven foot tall. And his wife, Stacey... Stacey's like the same height as me, right? Yeah. Like five foot, five. So she must be extremely happy. Yeah.

As happy as you could be. So the catch is. That's all. Yeah, exactly. This is only an initial dating and stuff. Right. Once you are in a long-term relationship, the effects of it dissipate. Their personality starts to shift.

Yeah. So they've actually said that while it's known that women prefer tall men, some women, they haven't actually discovered why it is. It could be due to evolutionary purposes. Like getting things off the top shelf. Yeah, that too. But yeah, the greater the height difference, it's positively related to the wife's happiness.

Whereas your first husband was shorter than you, wasn't he? Yeah. No, you were the same height, but Megan refused to wear flat shoes. Oh, so you wore, yeah, heels, so you were a little bit bigger. Yeah. Power play. Good power play from you. Nothing was ever going to stop me from wearing heels.

Not his confidence. Nothing. But also, like, I was of the opinion that it shouldn't have mattered. It didn't matter. Yeah, true. Whether he was, like, taller or shorter than me. No. So that makes me a good person.

Eh? No. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Hello. It's hot out there. Regardless of where you are in New Zealand, hot, hot, hot, hot. East Coast, especially hot. Gizmon getting to 38.2 on Friday.

And somebody messaging into the show just before saying they've been to F45 this morning. Thank God they told us because otherwise how would we have known? We wouldn't have. It was 27 degrees when they stepped into F45

and they said RIP me. Absolutely ridiculous idea. Still 27. It was 27 when I got to work in Christchurch

this morning like just after 5. Nuts. So hot. Yeah, and they're expecting to be another, a couple of scorches in a row. So how is the body supposed to cool? Well, these are the top six ways

to cool off for cheap as the Mercury approaches 40. Number six, pop into the liquor store for a good three to four hour browse in the chiller. Oh yeah. Just be really confused. Maybe if they say, you're right, ask what beer is. Because that's the thing, when I go to the chiller,

if it's winter and I'm grabbing my long whites, raspberry, I'll be in and out because it's winter, but in summer you do like to linger. Yeah, linger. Grab your, like, pretend you're looking at other flavours, but you know you're always going to get long white raspberries. And just, you know, really soak up that cool. Yeah, because you look at a beer, how they know you're always going to get long white raspberries. And just, you know, really soak up that cool. Yeah, because you look at a beer,

how they know you're not going to buy beer is you look and you go, yuck. Yuck. Yuck. That's not sweet enough, yuck. It really isn't. Number five on the top six ways to stay cool for cheap as the mercury skyrockets,

chew on some minty gum with pals and then blow all over each other. It does feel cool. It feels cool coming out of your mouth. Your ear blowing on someone else isn't cooler. Yeah. Also, how weird is it that when you go, your ear's warm and when you go, it's cold. It's because more is going on you.

Right? That is weird though, Megan. You're right. But more air is hitting a smaller spot. Yeah. And it's going faster. Yeah. So that's why it's cooler.

Hmm. That's amazing. It's amazing. Number four on the list of the top six ways to cool off for cheap as temperatures get hot. Swim in any one of New Zealand's creeks or rivers. They're all very, very clean. Famously, every single one.

So clean. And most of our beaches too. Very clean. No poos. No poos. No sign of poos. Are you being facetious? I'm being very facetious.

Facetious. Fecal-secious. Feces-she-ses. Feces-she-ses. Yeah. Well, it's Fecal-cecious. Feces-cecious. Feces-cecious. Yeah. Well, it's a case of he says she says feces-cecious. Number three on the list of the top six ways to cool off for cheap as the mercury rockets up towards 40.

Get in a sleeping bag wearing thermals inside a glass house. Now, last for as long as you can. It will have been so hot that when you come out, it will feel like sweet relief. Wow, okay. By putting yourself through... So much extreme heat. Yeah, that when you come out into heat,

it won't feel as extreme. Yeah. That's a good one, yeah. It's all about the comparative in how you live. Number two on the list of the top six ways to cool off for cheap. Move the veggies onto one of the shelves, then climb into the veggie crisper. Is yours big enough for a human being?

Or just to sit? I've not tried, but I mean, how badly do you want to cool down? Yeah, fair point. And number one on the list of the top six ways to cool off for cheap as we approach 40 degrees, have a mini pool. Now, some people call them a bath, but that's when the water's hot.

But if it's cold, it's a mini pool. Now some people call them a bath, but that's when the water's hot. But if it's cold, it's a mini pool. Yeah, nice. Run the water and jump into the old mini pool. But no, don't wheeze in the pool. Still, that rule still applies. That is today's top six. Well, it begins. Soundkeeper Gary, good morning.

Night one, done. It's always the hardest, the first night. What are you wearing? What happened to your shoes? Hey, yeah, just got my new secret sound suit this year. And you cut the sleeves off it, Gary. And the shorts to let it breathe. What's happened, Guido from Sweden was supposed to send me a suit and he's a bit late. And the shorts to let it breathe. What's happened?

Guido from Sweden is supposed to send me a suit and he's a bit late so I had to come up with something and this is it. And quite frankly, someone needs to bring some sex appeal on this show.

Yeah, that's a really high split in your shorts. I can see your undies. We'll be taking you to HR if something pops out of there, Gary. We'll tell you that right now. So it is the $100,000 Secret Sound with Save My Bacon, a brighter way to borrow.

What are we starting the jackpot at? The jackpot is going to equal the biggest prize that we've given away ever on Secret Sound. We're starting at $50,000. Yeah! So you do realise that this has been won on the first day before as well. That's why it's the hardest night's sleep last night. Because Lemon Ross Boss gave it away on the first guess.

He set the record and you can't beat it. Right. Now, Megan and I haven't heard the secret sound, but Vaughn has. In an email that he received when? Last week. Over the weekend, last week. It was last week. Why?

I don't know. Because I can't even find that email now. I just wanted to find out whether or not, I just wanted to see where your brain went. Your brain goes to weird places. Yeah. So I just wanted to take a listen to a few guesses. I just sent this one,

and then you didn't reply to me at all. So I thought, okay, I won't bother then. Never mind. Worst person to get to do anything. I just forgot. So what did you think when you heard the sound Vaughn? I didn't know.

Right. I think I listened to it two times and then I thought, I'll get back to that. I'll, yeah, I'll marinate

in the old grey matter but nothing came to me. Famously, you have guessed a secret sound before. Yes. Yeah. And said it on air, but then thought nothing of it.

Was that what happened with that? No, I said it off air. You said it off air, but we had the recording. Yes. That's what happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so you got a good hit rate. So I thought, I'll just throw it your way, see what you think.

And yeah, you did that thing, I guess, where you respond in your head and don't actually write it. Yeah. All right. I must have deleted the email. How good am I at like, well, I guess, where you respond in your head and don't actually write it. Yeah. All right. I must have deleted the email. How good am I at like, well, I can't find the email now. I must have deleted it. That's like espionage. All right.

Well, let's have our very first listen to the secret sound that is hopefully going to be etched in our brains over the next week or two or three or even months. How long could this go, Gary? It goes as long as that sound doesn't get guessed. All right. It is 1.01 seconds long. Oh, my gosh.

One? That's a long, that's a long secret sound. Yeah, because actually other secret sounds have been point. Zero point. Zero point something. Like a third of a second. Yeah. Yeah, this is definitely the longest secret sound.

That we've had. All right, so 1.01 seconds. This is the secret sound is that it's got so many different okay let's listen another couple of times like is that a person in the middle going it sounds it sounds like someone's let fireworks off in their face. Yeah, that's the one they sent me. I took a few listens, but that's definitely the one they sent me.

Still got no idea? I don't even have a guess other than the fireworks one. Well, she's been patiently waiting on the phone. Amy, good morning. Hey, guys. How's it going? Good. And, Tupuki, you are the very first person in New Zealand

to guess this sound. So excited. Now, you've been on hold listening to that sound. Yeah. Do you have any idea, just before you give us your guess what it is? Yeah, I like queued up last night with the secret sound thing. Right, you got the break. Yeah, okay.

We did give people the chance to text in and get an early listen. So I did some investigating and some YouTube research. YouTube research. YouTube research? Gary, is this worrying to you? Gary just shuffled his feet. First one and someone's already done YouTube research. And we've already had Amy win $50,000. Now, hold on.

Just pause. What's this behind me here? Oh, that's the button. That's the button I'm going to press if someone wins. I don't know what it does yet. Good. Nobody knows. No, okay.

Okay, well, for $50,000 cash, as Soundgiver Gary wipes his palms. His knees are weak, arms are heavy. His vomit on his sooty. It's his mum's spaghetti. It's his strings. Oh, am I guessing now? Oh, no, we're letting the tension build

And you bloody ruined it Hang on, we're going to have to give it another couple of seconds Give it a tension build Tension building Shush everyone Amy Oh, she bloody laughed over the tension Have you done this before?

Amy What's your guess? I'm guessing. Wait, Amy! Amy, what's your guess? The first guess for ZM's $100,000 secret sound with Save My Bacon. I'm going to guess it's a typewriter,

like when you punch the button and it goes to the next line. Jesus. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Because it definitely sounds like there's some exploding stuff. What do you mean why?

It's because she thinks it sounds like that. I want to hear the reasoning. Well, if you, like the old school ones, when you punch the button, it makes that sound, and it definitely does on YouTube. And then it makes that sort of ripping sound as it goes to the next line. Soundkeeper Gary.

Amy. That is not the secret sound. Oh! Amy, not bad, though. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. We, not bad, though. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. We talked about this last week.

Megan was, I don't know, she was really upset. I was like, it's okay. I was upset for you. Yeah, I just give my surname at coffee orders. Yeah. Because Vaughan doesn't translate well from spoken to guesswritten. Like, they take a guess and then it gets passed down the line. Yeah, it can be spelled a lot of different ways, but I didn't really think anyone would have a problem saying it.

But you've had Vag Hand. Oh, Vulganan. Vulganan. I had one with an A sound on the end. I was like, I'd be interested to see how that's spelled. But then I heard from so many people. I started getting messages saying, oh, yeah, me too. People even, things like, my name's Kylie,

but I got called Callie too many times, so now I'm Sam. Not even their actual name. That got me thinking, we should definitely take some calls on people who use an alias for orders, like coffee aliases. Oh, yeah. Just any kind of way they have to use your name. Yeah, and what is your actual name and what is your coffee alias? What are you using to make orders?

And it's not always coffee. It's just anything where they finish and they yell out your name. Yeah, right. Because what you think, you heard from enough people that this is an epidemic. And it's not just people using their last name. It's people just randomly picking a name that they don't, like they have never heard mispronounced. Well, the name Sam, easy. Very easy.

You cannot miss that up. Sam. Because Megan, you'd never have a problem either. No, they spell it wrong. But that doesn't. To Megan Markle, they put an H in it, which annoys me. But I mean, they still say it right. Yeah, so it doesn't matter as much.

All right, well. Does anyone ever say Magan? Magan. In America, they would. Magan, yeah. Magan, Magan. Yeah. All right, well, let's take some calls.

0800 DARS at M. You can text as well, 9696. Yeah, your coffee aliases. What's your name and what are you actually using? We were talking about your coffee aliases or just any ordering alias or your name's going to get shouted, so you want it to be as simple as possible. The key is remembering. Yeah.

That you've not used your name. So we want to know what you're using and what your name is. You've got to use Smith. I use Smith. Because people just can't deal with Vaughan. No, it's a hard one for them. It's a hard life. So some text messages in before we go to the phones.

My name's Casper. I always got called Cabba, Kesby. So now my name's Mike. For ordering. Casper, that's such a cool name. It is. It's a cool name. Yeah.

And you've got to go with Mike. It's a real downgrade. I just say it over and over. Knowing quite a few Mikes, that was quite a broad shot across the bow there. But if you've got a cool, juiced up, flash name like Casper, you don't want to go with Mike, do you? It's so annoying because I'd be like, my name's cool. I'd be like, it's Casper.

Casper. But then if you're doing that every time, then it's just annoying. All right, let's take some calls. Olivia, what's your coffee ordering name? Brandy. Brandy. You've gone... What?

Harder though, Olivia. I just always wished my name was Brandy, so I thought it's the perfect time. So it's not that people can't say Olivia. It's just that I was always meant to be a Brandy. It's your chance to live your dream of being named Brandy. Olivia, why don't you pay to get your name changed officially and become Brandy? I don't want to hurt my mum.

Oh, that's so sad. I just get really excited in the morning when I get to order a cappuccino and they say brandy. If you were with your mum, would you order us brandy or Olivia? Well, we just don't get coffee together, do we? That's brandy time. That's brandy time. Olivia That's Brandy's time. Olivia, you sound so much fun.

Oh, my gosh. I feel like you should be a Brandy, too. You should be. You're so much Brandy there. Thank you for your call, Brandy. Rebecca, your husband has an ordering name? Yeah, well, his name is Bjorn. Oh, yeah, okay.

And he's a big mouldy boy, so when he rocks up to order pizza, it's Mike or Kev or Pete. But if people say, if he says, oh, Bjorn, they're like, what? Who? So, yeah. It's a silent jail.

I must admit, when you said Bjorn, I automatically pictured like a Swedishy dude. Yeah, like a big blonde kind of. Very, very not Swedish. Yeah. Very, very not Swedish. Yeah. Very, very not Swedish. That's actually how Captain Cook described Maldi when he first drove to New Zealand.

Right, Tom, he's like, they're very not Swedish down here. Thanks, you call Hayden. What's your coffee ordering name? I go by the name Stephen. Okay, because people can't deal with Hayden? Oh, you get Hayden, you get Jayden. I've had Hayley.

I've had Hayden, H-A-I-D-E-N. I don't know how they got that. Hayden. Hi. I don't understand that. Right. But the thing with Stephen is Pizza Hut, I've had Stanley.

Okay. They get the fake name wrong. Stanley! There's a wild drive from Stanley. Yeah, I think you've got to go for him. Monosyllabic.

Just hit it Sam or something. Tom, Sam. Yeah. Dave. Joe. You can't mess up Joe. You can't mess up Joe. Exactly.

Hayden thinks you're cool. Some text messages. Somebody has the answer to Olivia's problem. Their name's Bradley and they often get called Brandy. Oh, okay. When on ordering. So they just say Brad now.

Yeah, sure. Brad's easier. My name is Yaniki. Oh, you're being one of these people. Yeah, have some respect for their name, Vaughn. So it's J-A-N-E-K-E, but it's pronounced Y-A-N-E-K-E. So I just go by J. Just one letter.

Yannicka. Yannicka. Yannicka. Yannicka. Yannicka? Yannicka. Yannicka. We don't know.

Okay, yeah. We don't know. That's a swear word. In the US, I always use my middle name Kate Because Lucy doesn't go well from the accent Lucy Why do we say that? I don't know why I said it in Australian

Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy My name is Zanani I just shorten it to Z If I'm ordering coffee You could just say like banani with a Z

yeah then they'll literally write banani with a Z and it gets to the other end and they're like americana for banani with a Z now I told you I would say

what the most popular thing for couples to do in bed this is looking into the intimate intimacy deficit so it's obviously not adult fun times bed. This is looking into the intimacy deficit. So it's obviously not adult fun times.

Right. It's not the most popular thing. You said a deficit. Does that mean we've got a problem with intimacy in the bedroom? Yeah. Okay. It seems like it. So a study was done and they found that 56% of people crave more intimacy with their partners.

And under 45, it's even more, 65% want more intimacy. Tell you what, with this weather at the moment, you're not getting any... Don't touch me. Don't touch me. You're not getting any cuddles in this weather. So do you want to guess? Because I can tell you from six to one what the most popular things are in the bed. What? Are they all bad? It's most popular things are in the bed. What?

Are they all bad? It's what you're doing. It's not bad. Yeah, but you just said there was a deficiency. No, that just means that sexual activity is last on the list. Is that six? Yeah. Okay. Megan, is sex last? Yes. Yeah, it's one point for me. You're just

cheating. I was researching. Is watching Netflix or TV on the list? That's number three. On the phones. Would that be number one? That's number one. See, I told you Fletch was better at this than you.

What's number two and number four and number five? Number six is sexual activity. Number five is reading. Oh, yep. Okay. Number four, cuddling, five is reading. Oh, yep. Okay. Number four, cuddling, which is quite far down the list. That should be higher. That's not included in sexual activity.

Because cuddling can go hand in hand with some of these other ones. You can cuddle and... You can be cuddling in Netflix. You can't cuddle and read a book. No. You need both arms for book reading. Well, no, I... Because, you know, I'm big, big spoo-spoo. I'm big spoon.

No, you're not. I could easily read with my arm. And you've got Kindle. You big spoo-spoo. I'm big spoon. No, you're not. I could easily read with my arm. And you've got Kindle. You're a little submissive. Yeah. I'm not big spoo-spoo. You roll over and expose

your soft belly. No, you're like, you're like those dogs that just give up and they're on their back and they're like, oh, no, take me. I'm big, big spoo-spoo.

You are absolutely not. So number four's cuddling, number three's watching TV, number two is cuddling. Number three is watching TV. Number two is chatting. And number one is using the phone. So remember I said under 45, 65% of people wanted more intimacy with their partners, but some of them admitted to using their phone as a literal sexual barrier. What?

So they weren't in the mood. So they're like, I'm going to be on my phone. On your phone. Wow. To literally give the point that I don't want to touch you. Well, that's a bigger problem, isn't it? Yeah. There's probably some deeper issues there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, if you don't want to be doing that. And 51% of people said that the last thing they see before they close their eyes each night was their phone. Not even their loved one. Their partner. Yeah, but you might say goodnight to your partner, turn the light off and then just check your phone

just in case someone's messaged. It just lights up. Yeah, but you might say goodnight to your partner, turn the light off and then just check your phone just in case someone's messaged. It just lights up. Yeah, it just lights up. And then it was nothing. Yeah. Or just to check the alarm. That is quite sad though, isn't it? What would be the last thing you see before you go to sleep? We always say

goodnight and have a smooch before the light goes out. But then that's it. You shut your eyes immediately. Lights out, shut eyes. You never roll back over and check your phone? No. Really? What if someone's messaged? You know I don't check my phone. No, you're terrible at it.

If someone messages me, they can wait till the morning. What about you? What's the last thing you see before you... My phone? Right, yeah, but you don't have someone in there all the time. A lot of the time someone in there all the time. A lot of the time, but not all the time. Yeah. Because I just think it would be phone, right? Right.

For me, it would be the phone because you roll over, final check of the time. Well, I always double check the alarm. Yeah. Just because I'm super paranoid because we have to get up super early. Yeah.

So that would be the last thing. No, mine's never my phone. Mind you, I've got to work hard on this marriage. Because, you know, like, one down, second time around, yeah. Make sure this one sticks. And you're out of your league. That's twice you've said that in less than a week. Just reminding you.

Don't you get ahead of yourself. Pop kettle black, bitch. Bitch, please. I know. I'm preaching from the pulpit up here. How much harder do we have to try? ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. I know. I'm preaching from the pulpit up here. How much harder do we have to try? ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. So I had a little bit of an etiquette situation at the weekend.

A friend was over at the apartment and just got out his vape and was like, can I vape in your apartment? And I was like, well, obviously I wouldn't let him smoke in there. But then, like, vapes vapour, right? That's not going to set off a smoke alarm. Nah. Well, nah, I don't think so. But then does the stuff come

out of the vape? Is that bad? Like, smoke? Passive vaping. Can you second-hand vape? Because I was like, I have never been asked this question before. Like, can I vape inside? What flavour was it? It smelled real nice.

I mean, I'm not endorsing vaping at all. But yeah, it smelled like, I think it smelled like apples or something. I don't know. So in 2018, it said a report finds no harm in passive vaping. But then in September 2019, so 18 months later, it said secondhand vaping, the latest vaping health risk. Okay.

See, that's the thing. I was like, well, I don't know where we stand on this. And then I was like, is it rude to ask someone to vape in your house? See, I'm like, is that like, cause I was just like, it's such a new thing. I don't really have many friends that vape. I reckon it's rude to ask because then it's putting the onus on you to be the bad guy.

Some people are like, do you mind if I smoke in your car? And they ask it in a cheery manner. And you're like, no. But then you're the bad guy. No one's asking to smoke. No, I was talking about back in the day. Yeah, right. Back in the day.

I'm not talking like the 1940s. But I had mates that smoked in the 90s, early 2000s. And they'd be like, do you mind if I smoke in the car? I'd be like, yeah, I do. Yeah. Yuck. So we ran a poll, FBMZM, on our Instagram. Do you think it's okay to vape inside?

93% said nope. And that's 93% do you think it's okay to vape inside? That's not even do you think it's okay to vape inside? That's not even do you think it's okay to vape inside somebody else's house. Yeah, that's true. I guess that wasn't broken down. Yeah. But then does that just mean that 7% of people are vapors? Yeah, right.

Nah, because I think more percent would be vapors, but they vape outside. Yeah. I don't know, it was just a weird etiquette, like, how would you feel at your house, Megan, if someone was like can I vape outside. Yeah. I don't know. It was just a weird etiquette. Like, how would you feel at your house, Megan, if someone was like, can I vape on the couch? Oh, I don't know.

Yeah, because if they're your friend and you're like, you don't want them to go all the way outside. No, because you're awkward telling them to go outside. You're wildly overestimating how much I don't want my friends to go outside. There's the door out your pocket. But are you allowed to vape in, you're not allowed to vape in like a mall or restaurants or anything. No, so the same would apply like,

don't do it in someone's house. But then you can get away with doing that because there's no smoke. It just vapors into nothing, into thin air. A study from 2014 showed that indoor air quality was impaired when people in a ventilated room used e-cigarettes. Ultra fine particles can find their way from the vapour into the lungs of other people in the same space. Oh.

And then in 2018, they found that the vapour not only contains nicotine, but also heavy metals, aldehyde, which is like formaldehyde, but without the form, and glycerin. Even though vaporiser companies try to paint these products as healthier in every way. Oh, get out.

Get out of my house. There is a health risk posed by secondhand vaping. Yeah, right. Okay. Well, then, yeah. No, don't do it in my house, please. Okay. But it is one of those new areas where etiquette hasn't been established.

Yeah, because there is this belief that it's okay. Yeah. And it's hard because smoke is like, yuck. But then if you walk past someone's like vapor and it's like, ooh, apples. I know. It's weird, isn't it? And then you're like, no. You walk past and someone smells like your Auntie Lynn who loved a ciggy and some bloody brandy midday.

Yeah. And you're like, ugh. But then you walk past and you can smell like, smells like apple cinnamon pancakes. It's bad, isn't it? Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Surprise. Pancakes. It's bad, isn't it? Surprise, there's a second bachelorette, and she's joining us in studio this morning. Lily, good morning.

Good morning, guys. Surprise. Been a busy 12 hours? It's been a very, very busy 12 hours. If you want to help that go down nicely. Yeah. I'm surprised that they were able to keep it a secret. Like I did kind of come out in the last couple of days, like over the weekend.

Yeah. It's been tougher than I thought it was going to be. I'm really, really over it to be completely honest. It's nice to have it out in the daylight. Yeah. Because a lot of people when the first episode or two played were like, what are all these young people doing? You know what I mean? The young bachelors.

The young bachelors. And they were just like, she's never these young people doing? You know what I mean? The young bachelors. The young bachelors. And they were just like, she's never going to go for them. There was men that looked like they'd just come out of the womb. And that was tough for her. I knew it was. But she had that secret and she had that in mind. So that got her through. Because did she eliminate anyone that you were like, damn it, keep him?

Well, it was interesting because watching it back, I was like, oh, so that's that guy I never met. And to be completely honest, like I said on the show, I didn't know any of these guys. So I wasn't too devastated to see them go. But I mean, yeah, it seemed OK. Right. I trust their choices. Yeah.

So how did you explain to friends and family why you disappeared from their lives for an extended period of time? I just say that I've gone on like a massive bender in another country and they just don't blink an eye. Right. That's worrying, concerning. Very worried that they just were like, yeah, well, she's gone now. Exactly. That's going to happen. Is it going to be weird?

Because you're both, like what if you both like the same guy? Yeah, so this is interesting. When I was asked to do this show, like I was never going to make it a competition. I didn't want it to be about that. I didn't want us to compare each other. I didn't want us to fight over men. That's the last thing I'd want to do. I'd rather not do the show in general

if that's how it was going to be. So we met up and we became friends and we realised we were at different stages of life and wanting different things in general, which was really nice to know that we weren't going to kind of like the same thing or be suited for the same thing. And no matter how they edit the show, I'm sure they're going to try to, but we don't going to kind of like the same thing or be suited for the same thing. And no matter how they edit the show,

I'm sure they're going to try to, but we don't actually fight over anyone. We have complete adult conversations about it. If there's someone we're both interested in, we sit down, we're like, hey, I like him, you like him, and we just talk it out and we get to know them. And usually, 100% of the time, we'll realise that that person is more suited for someone else.

But there's no one we fight over. And that was never what the show was going to be about, which is really, really cool. Yeah, that's cool. Good. And Papers is a rock. Basically, who can touch him first? It's like a home base.

Get to home base first, you win. We line up on a line and we have a running race. Just a sprint. And whoever can tackle him to the ground. Oh, so it's more like surf life-saving, how they do that run and dive for the little stick. The flags, yeah. See this guy? Yeah. Yeah. Surf life-saving. Yeah. That's how I got

Quinn. Yeah, okay. Good. Not that I want to be mean to any one particular guy, but can we discuss Glenn for a second? Not to be mean, but let's be mean. No, but it's just interesting, his like, comments initially when you interesting, his like, comments initially when you get there about like,

he's never had two girls at once. Yeah, disgusting. Terribly disgusting. But, I mean, it is a TV show. We've got to keep that in mind. But, yeah. It's interesting to see what the guys say to the camera and not to your face. Yeah. They have way more balls

when they talk to the camera. I'll give them that. What? If they said that to my face, oh, Jesus Christ, he gets that. Straight away. I've always thought that with these shows is that you, I wonder if anyone even watches it back and gets a completely different impression of the guy they might be having feelings for. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they're really, they're on their best behaviour to your face. Yeah. And. Yeah. I mean, they're really, they're on their best behaviour to your face. Yeah. And you're like, oh, this guy's really nice. And then they go to the camera and they're just a complete douchebag.

And you're like, well, okay. Interesting concept. So someone I think is a lot different than he's being portrayed is Liam. He's straight up, he's straight up who he is. And I love that about him. But he definitely has a more intelligent side than is being played at the moment.

Right. You'll see, though, I think. I kind of like Liam. Me too. I feel like he's consistent about being a douchebag. You know how people try to hide it? He's straight up about his douchebaggery. Yeah, I love that about people.

It's like, yeah, if you're a douchebag, at least you're admitting it to people. Some people can't do that yet. You guys are very confusing. Women, huh? We don't want a douchebag, at least you're admitting it to people. Some people can't do that yet. You guys are very confusing. Women, huh? We don't want the douchebag. We like the guy who's the douchebag. He's owning it.

Yeah. If you're going to be a douchebag, own it. Yeah, that's the lesson we've learned. But also, don't be a douchebag. It's confusing. Yeah. It's a woman thing. Don't worry about it.

Very confusing. Yeah, you'll get it one day. I don't think I ever will one day. Oh, well. I don't think I ever will. Best of luck, Lily. Thank you. Can't wait to see how it all plays out. Thank you.

What's that sound? ZM's $100,000 secret sound. With Save My Bacon. ZM's $100,000 secret sound with Save My Bacon, a brighter way to borrow sound, keep a Gary's in and commencing his long work days. Yes, that's the one. You guys are just getting used to the sound now.

How are you feeling about it? I've got no idea. Yeah, I don't know. It's interesting that it's multi-level. It's like multi-part, isn't it? Yeah. Well, there's three different sounds to it. Well, maybe you're hearing the sound for the first time.

Let's have a listen. Or is it one sound, you know? Like, are we being distracted? Oh, I've got no idea. I've got nothing. Like, literally, I've got no idea. And this is why I love not knowing the secret sound, because then when people ask me what it is,

I can literally say I don't know. Yeah. Oh, can I just point out, by the way, if people meet me in the street and say, I'll give you 50-50, I know that I've had that joke like a million times. Don't worry about that. We'll split the prize.

You're a bit sick of it. I'm a bit over that one. You're not corruptible, Gary. Incorruptible. Incorruptible. I'm older and w that one. But you're not corruptible, Gary. Incorruptible. Incorruptible. I'm older and wiser as well, and I'm being pretty staunch about this sound. I'm not giving anything away.

But it's $100,000, like $50,000 if they went halfies. Yeah, but we're definitely going to know if Gary suddenly turns up. He's got a flash new e-bike. He's upgraded. Yeah. Okay, well, I like how the most outlandish thing you thought Gary could buy would be a new e-bike.

You know that Gary guy, he's always looking to upgrade the e-bike. Yeah. All right, Tiana, good morning. Good morning. All right, the secret sound, the current jackpot is at $50,000. Oh, my gosh. That'd be amazing. I know.

It's a lot of money, isn't it? It'd pay off so much debt. I mean, it's... Oh. Oh, my gosh. So many opportunities. Yeah, so many e-bikes, so many new e-bikes. Oh, think of all the biking. Oh, my gosh.

All right, so the secret's out. Have you had much of a listen? I've heard it twice, and it sounds a lot different on the phone than it does on the radio. Yeah, okay, well, no pressure. Oh, gosh. Tiana, $50,000. What is the ZM secret sound?

Is it, like, someone peeling Velcro? Maybe the last part sounds a little bit Valcro-y. Like that. I don't know what that stomp is at the front at the start, but it kind of sounds like Valcro-pelling, like from taking off your Valcro shoes or something. So you say stomp, but see, that to me sounds more like a pop. It sounds like a bang to me.

Pop, bang, stomp. Soundkeeper Gary for $50,000. Peeling Velcro. He's moved over to the button he's going to press if someone guesses. It's not the secret sound. I thought you would have saved that joke for at least a week,

Gary. No, I was just getting a... I'm just laying it in there. Just getting it in play. Well, Soundkeeper Gary, some long days. Thanks, Tiana. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. As a young man, this might be hard to believe, given my love of not people and not partying and just being quiet at the weekends.

But I used to love Shindig and Nisa. He used to love noise and people and parties. I remember your neighbours on Truro Road in Sandringham loved to chant at 1am, didn't they? Oh, those poor people. We used to chant. The chanting. Yeah. And they'd be like, it's not the noise, it's the chanting.

Just sounds like the repetitive beating of a drum. Accompanied by the clap. Yeah. And we'd be like, I'm sorry, I won't hear it again. And it did. So it's not worth too much judgment because he's 22 years old. Yep. Ariko Iwani.

Yep. Auckland Blues and All Black. Yep. Had recently moved into a new house in Stonefields. Are you telling me old producer James 2.0 might have had to deal with that at his new job at Auckland Rugby? Yep. They always say Blues and All Blacks. So he probably didn't have to deal with that at his new job at Auckland Rugby. Yeah. They always say

blues and all blacks. There's no mention. So he probably didn't have to deal. God, imagine that's your first week. I did tell him he's going to have to

cover up some rugby shenanigans. So, the one neighbour has really grown very sick of this. Yep. There was a 2am hucker.

Okay. And there's been partying. They moved in on a this. Yep. There was a 2am hucka. Okay. And there's been partying. They moved in on a Wednesday apparently. Okay, yep. That Friday. So they've only just moved in.

Well, they moved in apparently moved in not too long after the World Cup. No, you've ended. So last year. Oh, because I was going to say

you should always give a household a bit of a free run for a housewarming. So there was Wednesday move in, Friday party and they were like, well, that's understandable. Young fellas, got a house. Next Friday, another party. Friday after, another Friday, another party.

There was a bit of a pattern. Yeah, right. There was a bit of a pattern. When the 2 a.m. hucker happened, this neighbour let herself into an open door of the home to give him and his friends a telling off and was met by a group of gobsmacked large men. Brilliant. After which they started singing a new song called F the Neighbours.

I don't know what tune that goes to. I don't know, maybe it's Twinkle Twinkle Little Star or I don't know what tune that goes to. I don't know. Maybe it's Twinkle Twinkle Little Star or I don't know. But they would sing a song called F the Neighbours. But they wouldn't say F. They'd say the full word. The full word. Right. Wow.

Okay. At 2am. Some of the other neighbours have said, oh, it's not a problem. And, you know, young fellas. They're probably just stoked to have an all black living over the road. That's the vibe. Yeah. They've got an all black on the

street and that's why I thought it could be quite funny to take some calls of who's famous in your neighbourhood? Like do you have a famous neighbour down the road or something like a celeb? Yeah, okay. You think about I know some of New Zealand's biggest actors still call New Zealand home, they work you know, out of Los Angeles or whatever

but Karl Urban, who's recently been in Amazon Prime series The Boys, but he's been in Star Trek movies and everything. He's got a house in New Zealand still. And people have to live next to him. Someone has to see him hanging out his washing. Or someone lives next to daughter Peter Jackson. Yeah.

But, like, what if you're a massive fan and then suddenly, like, it's Neighbours at War and you realise they're a douchebag? Oh, because they're stealing the passion fruit. Yeah. That's what you went with. Or they put a douchebag. Oh, because they're stealing the passion fruit. Yeah, that's what you went with. Or they put up a giant fence. Yeah, to block you out. But then what if, like, because, like, Jermaine Clement from Flight of the Conchords. Jermaine and Brett both live in New Zealand.

So imagine, like, living next door to them. Like, hello. He's hanging out his watch. Hi, Jermaine. Hi, Jermaine. He's like, hello. Hello. Hot, isn't he?

No, but you think that all the All Blacks have to live somewhere. Hello. Hot, isn't it? You never giggle. But you think all the All Blacks have to live somewhere. Yeah. And it would be, yeah, do you think they'd just keep to themselves? Because otherwise wouldn't people just go up and knock on their door? Or musicians. I think people have this idea that if New Zealand musicians are well-known, they're really wealthy.

Yeah. But they're not always. No. It's a long slog to, you know, make a really good living as a New Zealand musician. Yeah. So you might have like I don't know. Don't name. No, I'm not going to. I was going to name like an old New Zealand

band. Oh right, okay, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Where does Dave Dobbin live? Yeah, I remember. I always just imagine Dave Dobbin disappeared at the end of every day. They don't live anywhere. They don't live anywhere.

And then they say, he reappears. You think about this. Someone has to live next door to the Briscoe's lady. Oh, what a tribe. She'd be such a lovely neighbour. You'd see her hanging out her sheets. What's your thread count? Probably time for some new ones.

Is there a say along? I love that. Yeah. Okay, well, let's take some calls. Do you have someone famous in the neighbourhood? Have you ever lived next, like, near someone famous? Maybe you saw them in their sweatpants one day. Oh, yeah, sweatpants. Running the wheelie bit to the end of the road

as the truck's coming down the... Yeah, because they're people too. Yeah. A news story over the weekend. There's an All Black that's moved into a neighbourhood and had some loud parties. Yeah. Oh, big news.

Yeah. Big news. He's in big trouble. The neighbours are there. Some of the neighbours are very angry, but some of them aren't. I think some are stoked to have an All Black living across the road, to be honest. What does that do to property prices?

Well, it probably puts them up. Because you could be like, oh, a thing lives over the road. Yeah, it can only be positive, right? Well, unless you're the person that's getting all the noise. Or unless there are all these news articles about all the raucous parties that are happening. So we want to know if you've got anyone famous in the neighbourhood. Anonymous, good morning.

Good morning. Who do you anyone famous in the neighbourhood, anonymous, good morning. Good morning. Who do you have famous in your neighbourhood? Not anymore, but we did have Jacinda Ardern across the road. The Prime Minister. I like how you're whispering in case the Secret Service are listening. Don't tell us. Because what? Were you across the road when she was the Prime Minister?

Yeah. Don't tell us. Because what? Were you across the road when she was the Prime Minister? Yeah, so she moved in before she got elected. Right. And so on election day, she was, there were cameras and she was outside painting her fence. That's right. Yeah, right. Right. And it wasn't weird because, you know,

there are always people around Like Secret Service and stuff Yeah so I don't I think Oh certainly for me anyway I don't think I saw her Once

Right After she got elected Because they had Always had sort of You know the cars Or unmarched cop cars and stuff Or parked like outside every day And then it was

That's great I don't know why you moved out No one's robbing your house If there's police outside all the time. Jacinda moved out. Jacinda moved. Oh, Jacinda moved.

I'm promised and I'm out of this dump. So you live where Ed Sheeran went for a cup of tea and a scone. Yeah. I think, oh, actually,

hang on, I don't even know. No, he did. Yeah, yeah. Did you run over Paddles the Cat? No, I did run over them here. Oh, I don't even know. No, he did. Yeah, yeah. Did you run over Paddles the cat? No. I did run over them here.

Oh, I didn't know that. I don't know if it was her new place or... No, no, it was the place where she moved out of. I thought Paula Bennett ran over Paddles the cat. She did. This could have been Paula Bennett. Did she? Oh, no, that was Tom Sainsbury pretending to be Paula Bennett, I think.

Did Paddles ever pop over to your place? No, but we used to see him, see him, her, I don't know, lying on the driveway in the sun and stuff like that. The cat tempted fake. Thanks to you calling anonymous, some text messages. Who's famous in your neighbourhood? Well, you know how before I said someone has to live next to Jermaine Clement because he still, Flight of the Conchords,

because he still lives in New Zealand. Someone's like, hey, that's me. I used to live next door to Jermaine Clement because he still, Flight of the Conchords because he still lives in New Zealand. So I was like, hey, that's me. I used to live next door to Jermaine Clement in Wellington. So there you go. There you go. That happens.

We used to live a few doors down from Savage. Oh, okay, yeah. See, in Australia, he's living in Australia now. I think so. Last time we talked

to him, he was. Actually, we've got Tessa on the phone. Tessa, you lived next door to Jermaine Clement. I did in Wellington. It was quite a few years ago now. Right.

How long ago were you talking? Pre-Flight of the Conchords or? No, no, during. Oh, height. Okay. Yeah, in the peak. So he was actually on tour when I lived next door to him. So I never actually got to meet him.

But he did have some famous people house-sit for him, and we ended up having a few house parties there. Who are the famous people that house-sit for him? Am I allowed to say their name? I don't know. I don't know. If they actually house-sit, like, how famous are we talking? Like, New Zealand famous?

New Zealand actor famous. Like, so one was Dean O'Gorman. Yeah. And one was, I can't remember his name, but he was in Outrageous Fortune. He played... Anthony Starr? No, no. You've probably dropped the minute because Jermaine probably said no parties while I'm away.

Yeah. No, that's not what I should say. Brilliant. Hey Tessa, thanks for your call. Someone said the mad butcher used to be my neighbour. The butch. Would you get free sausages? I hope so.

I guess he'd get that all the time, wouldn't he? I used to see Neil Finn running down the beach in his togs when I lived at Peha. He had a beach house out there. I'm just trying to imagine Neil Finn in his togs when I lived at Piha. He had a beach house out there. I'm just trying to imagine Neil Finn in his togs. What kind of togs? Would he be a Speedos? Not a Speedo, no.

I don't think Speedo. He doesn't strike me as a Stubbies kind of a guy. Oh, I was thinking Stubbies. I was thinking board shorts. So we had the whole spectrum of time. We must now find out what crowded houses Neil Finn jogs down the beach in. I think short shorts. Oh, yes, Neil Finn jogs down the beach in. I think short shorts. Oh, yes, Neil Finn.

I was thinking of Tim. I'll still stick with boardies, though. Long boardies? What do you think? Speedo? He's not a speedo guy. I've text messaged he wore a board short. How long?

How long? Okay, how long? Knee long? I'm thinking mid, what's that? Like a rip curl with quicksilver. No, I reckon he'd be sitting just above knee, and they would have had a baggy thing. Mid thigh.

Okay. Good. Boy, that's been discussed. I don't know why that was important. It just was, okay? He's a New Zealand musical icon. Is there an update on this? I used to live next to ex-Warriors player Sean Johnson,

and he used to party with fine, young, mostly shirtless posse. I would turn down my lights and enjoy the youth from a seedy darkness of an upstairs window. Remember, I used to live by Sean Johnson. Did he party after the games? Is this the same place? Not that I heard. He didn't have crazy eyes.

Somebody said Gareth Morgan lives down the two houses from me. Shit, don't let your cat out. You keep your cat on a short leash. I used to live down the road from Cliff Curtis and Timuera Morrison. Oh, okay. Yeah. Hayley, who's in your neighbourhood? Who's famous in your hood?

TK Samuels, but I don't know his real name. From Shortland Street. Yeah. That is his real name. And also Vaughn. Now what kind of pants and shorts does he wear? I think he'd be a shorty short.

He'd be a jean shorts kind of a guy. Is he a good neighbour Hayley or is he a bit loud? Well no we don't know where Hayley lives. I'm not sure, but he doesn't live in the area. Right, okay. Well, if you hear some gunshots in the next week, he is trying to get rid of a possum. It's a very quiet gun.

No one will hear it. Thanks for your call, Hayley. Some other text messages in. The Mad Butcher said that one. You know the guy that was in the news, the old boy who drove the Timaru scooter and the police were chasing him? No.

No. You mean he wouldn't stop for the place? He was on a mobility scooter. I do remember that, yeah. He was fanging it down the road. He's got a bit of a reputation. Well, he's a Timaru celebrity. I used to live next to him. Oh, okay. He was banging it down the road. Is he a celebrity? He's got a bit of a reputation. Well, he's a Timaru celebrity. I used to live next to him.

Oh, okay. He fell off his scooter in the driveway. He hit the curb a bit hard. So I went over to help him. He told me to F off. So I walked away saying, good luck to you. Lovely. David Bain moved in next door to my old farm.

Oh, yeah. Not keen to talk about it as my old boss thinks it will devalue his farm. Word gets out. Oh, my God. Someone said, I saw John Key picking up dog shit once. Oh, he's human too. Humbling. It's nice to know.

Humbling. And one last political one. The ship, Jenny Shipley. Oh, me. New Zealand's first female prime minister. Yes. She rolled the bulge. She rolled the bulge. Jim Bulge. Bulger. And. So she rolled the bulge. She rolled the bulge. Jim Bulge.

Bulger. And that's your auntie, Megan. Like something removed, something, something removed. Yeah. Something cousin. Yeah. Well, apparently. Because I saw her in pharmacy the other day looking at crockery.

Was she wearing blue? No, I think maroon, actually. Maroon. Maroon. Yeah, maroon. In an election year. I know. How dare she?

I know. But she didn't have like secret service and stuff. Do you not get that when you're finished? Not in New Zealand, I don't think. It's an election year. I know. How dare she? I know. But she didn't have like secret service and stuff. Do you not get that when you're finished? Not in New Zealand, I don't think. It's an American thing. They just leave you out to hang in a costume by people in farmers. Yeah. Great.

Or just sneakily take videos of you around the corner in farmers. That's what I did. I had to send it to Megan. Apparently she makes a bloody good lemon scone though. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. It is time now though for Fact of the Day.

Day, day, day, day. Today's Fact of the Day is... Just giving myself props. Ducks. Ducks are named after ducking. Which is what your iPhone says every time you're trying to say the other one.

The other one. But you know how if you see a duck and it sits in the water and then it goes, puts its head under and it ducks. They're named after ducking. You said ducking and I had no idea what ducking was. I completely forgot about

you could like duck. Which is no good. That's why you keep walking into things. Someone's like, watch your head on that bar, Megan, just duck. And you're like,

I don't know what that word was. I completely forgot that that was a thing because every time your iPhone changes it, you're like, ducking's not a word. Yeah, I know. It's certainly not a what that word was. I completely forgot that that was a thing because every time your iPhone changes it, you're like, ducking's not a word. Yeah, I know.

It's certainly not a word that you use nearly as much as F. Yeah. Yeah. iPhone and whoever need to make it a thing that the F word with ang on the end of it is in your phone. Yeah. Because it learns all the other things. Yeah, it learns all the other words.

Ducking will save it, which is... It's adverse to learning ducking. Yeah. Because it learns all the other things. Yeah, it learns all the other words. It's just ducking while save it, which is... It's inverse to learning ducking. Yeah. But then there was the thing about if you save a contact in your phone... Yeah, but does that work? Yeah. I don't know. Because it would capitalise it too.

So every time you said the F word, it would be like, this is worthy of a capital because it's somebody's name. Because it is, yeah. And it shan't be used in a game of of a capital because it's somebody's name. Because it is, yeah. And it shan't be used in a game of Scrabble because it's somebody's name. But yeah, the old English word, duke, and dukan was to duck. Yeah. And duke was

if you did duck. Right. So the word was first and they saw this bird in the water and it did the ducking. The duck dive. That's a duck. Yeah. It's ducking.... And it was like, that's a duck. Yeah. It's ducking, thus it shall be called a duck. A duck. Right.

Which blew my mind. I would have assumed ducking was named after ducks. Yeah. Nope. No. Wow. Huh. Hmm.

So... Interesting. If you often wonder the... Definitely do. Etymology of certain terms, today you can add the duck to your knowledge bank because ducks are named after ducking, not the other way around. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. This isn't great news for Vaughan

because I said it was for women to do this at least twice a week. But it's actually beneficial for men to do it as well. Okay. But it will help women if you do it twice or more a week. It's nothing to do with you. You're Jenny's boy. Okay, great. Great, great.

If you are to hang out with your friends, with your besties, at least twice a week, it's actually good for your health. I get to hang out with my besties five times a week. Oh, my little heart. Megan's not on my besties anymore. She's called me Greaser. So having a large, well-integrated social network has a impact. That sounds

terrible. Lots of friends. Has a positive impact on your physical and emotional health. Especially with coronavirus, like the wider your group of friends, the more chance you've got of catching it. Yeah, I know. I've told my friend who's a flight attendant, oh, we just

can't be friends for the next 12 weeks. Yeah, yeah, until this whole thing is sorted. People with lots of friends and actually who hang out with, not just on Facebook, but if you hang out with lots of friends, you suffer less illness, you recover quicker from surgery and are less likely to die. And even their children are less likely to die. I don't know what that means. I've got bad news for you.

You're going to have all the friends in the world and none of us are getting out of here alive. But maybe it means like die young for health reasons. I mean, it's not going to help you if a bus is coming and you decided to cross the road. With all your friends. I'd just yell out to the bus, don't hit me, I've got lots of friends.

And the bus would be like, sorry about that. Also, people who make time for lots of friendships are less prone to anxiety and more likely to be generous. Oh, wow. Okay. You've got lots of friends though, Fletch. I don't understand. I'm generous.

Yeah. But this obviously doesn't count for people who get to work with their friends, right? Stop trying to grease up. We're not buying it. No, but what I'm saying is it's not an unpleasant time. Yeah, we're very lucky that we... Yeah, and we get to carry on like you would do with people outside of work.

Yeah, I mean... We get to be silly and such, but some workplaces are a game. And roast each other. Like hospitals. They don't want people being silly when they work at hospitals anymore. Oh, yeah. It's PC mad. But, okay.

Okay. So, you're gonna, you need more friends. I don't know. That's not what I got from this. It's quality over quantity. Yeah, you get enough in the morning with us. Yep. You don't need any more. And then I go home. Okay. And my wife gets to hang out with her best friend. It's fine.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. The New Zealand police have agreed. Police. The police. I'll give them credit. They're pretty savvy with social media. Oh, yeah, they are.

The New Zealand police. They know how to get you going. Cute dogs. Oh, yes. Those woofies really get me excited when they post their cute puppies. The cute woofies, they create a hot meme.

Yep, they do the odd ride along. Yeah, they do. They do social media takeover and stuff. Yeah. Pretty savvy when it comes to social media and they've admitted that perhaps the next thing they're going to look at is when they put wanted posts up,

when they share a mugshot from someone's previous endeavors to break the law. Yeah. And they want them wanted in connection to something and they can't find them and they put them up saying, do not approach or have you seen this person? They have said that often it just turns into everybody sharing it with a witty comment on something about the person's appearance. Some of them are hilarious though.

Yes. There was a, I guess, not being on the receiving end of that makes it, but then again, you know, that crims.

They've done something wrong to be wanted by the police. I don't know. I don't know all the answers. People have said that's the modern day equivalent of, you know, when you'd put people in stocks?

Yeah. So you put your head in your arms through, you shut the wood, lock it off. And then they come and toss their rotten veg at you. Yeah. And everyone in the town, the townsfolk would gather, get off their horses and berate you. A bit of vigilante justice. So yeah, they cited a few examples they'd put up of people with a lot of facial tattoos. Yeah, right.

But I remember there was a young lad on the run in the lower half of the South Island and he had a whole lot happening. Yeah. And his mugshot. And I think that had something like 600 comments at some stage. Yeah. And everyone just making jokes and puns. But then you want this guy caught,

and so many people are seeing it, it's going to lead to his arrest, you'd imagine. You'd hope. Yeah, there's the good in that. Yeah, yeah, there is. But they said it also gets to a feeling of kind of like vigilante justice. Yeah, right. And people being slammed for things they, I mean, there are certain aspects of your appearance that you choose,

but there are certain things that you are born with. Because, you know, lately I've been loving every time someone's shop list from Peaches and Cream, the big dillies, and they put them up

and they're like, this guy's stolen a big dilly. And they write exactly what they stole. I love it. I love it. Yeah, that's loose. It's brilliant.

Yeah. But people are still doing it too. And it's great publicity for them, but yeah, it is. Yeah, that's loose. It's brilliant. Yeah. But people are still doing it too. There's great publicity for them. Yeah, it is. Yeah. I mean, there's two sides to the argument, isn't there? Yeah.

Maybe just don't steal stuff. That would probably solve all of this. Probably would. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZDM's Bree and Clint a listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hit music lives here. ZM.