ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch Vaughan & Megan Podcast - March 10th 2020

Episode Date: March 9, 2020

Top 6 ways to be happy before you turn 82.Mounty vs Buttcrack Girl.Bet I can guess your mums name!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, brought to you by McCafé. Grab yourself a delicious barista-made coffee for only $4. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Thanks, Ash. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Hello. Happy Tuesday. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Yep.

It is Tuesday. That's undeniable. It's not happy for you? Well, it's neither here nor there at the moment. It's neutral Tuesday. Okay. Yeah. I guess you haven't had too much of a Tuesday to know.

Not really. Yeah. I had a good drive in, but then that's been equally played the other way by executive intern Anya's constant nagging upon arrival. We've got a show to do! What are you bringing to the show? How's your Tuesday going? Because we didn't prep anything before.

Yeah. Well, here we go. That's one down. How many more to go? Well, you've got the top six coming up, Vaughan, and there's something I've put together all by myself. They've worked... They've worked... They've worked out the 82.

Peak happiness. Peak happiness. Is that because you don't care anymore? That's like a good chunk of us won't even get that far. I know. It's beyond life expectancy limits. So the top six ways

to peak in happiness before 82 by living like you're 82. Alright. Also, secret sound back again this morning at 7 and 8

and then throughout the day $80,000. All thanks to Save My Bacon. $80,000. Nuts. So if you think you know what that sound is, the clue video,

the clues, the guesses that we've had are all at ZM Online. So brush up, do some research. Brush up. Brush up. You do not want to get through

on the overloaded phone lines and guess something someone else has guessed. No, you don't. So check those. ZM Online. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast.

All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Story time, three news headlines. Interesting, odd, quirky news stories that I've found online. And Vaud and Megan deliberate, discuss, and choose only one headline. The others are deleted forever. Headline one, student mistakes pepper spray for Lynx Africa.

Oh, wow. Headline two, teacher's comment loses him his first job. And headline three, 100-year-old woman ticks off bucket list. Oh, God. She bungee jumped.

I know the third one. What is it? What is it? She got arrested. Yes. She'd always wanted to be arrested. Yeah.

Oh, but did she just get the police to come up and handcuff her? Yeah. But what they charged her with was public indecency. So, like, effectively like a nude.

Yeah. Or a wee-wee in public. But she didn't actually do it. No. She should have just got nude and run down the street. That'll be me when I'm 100. The hardest part of that would be the running, I think. Shuffle.

Shuffle down the street. Shuffle, yeah. Get somebody else to undress you. But then they could end up taking you to like a mental institution. A psychiatric hospital. Yeah, true. And then, you know. That would be harder to get out of.

It was just a joke, but then harder to get out of. Yeah, right. Okay. It would be two for me. Would the principal's comment. Yeah. Okay. Nearly cost him his job.

No, teachers. Yeah, teachers' comment. Teachers' comment. Loses him his first job. Oh, wow. So we go now to Nottinghamshire in the UK. Joshua Brandon Lewis. He is a newly, or was, I should say, a newly qualified teacher

who has admitted making a stupid comment, and he has been banned from teaching. Forever? Yes, forever. So imagine that. Wow. What did he say? What did he say? Well, forever. So imagine that. Wow. What did he say? What did he say?

Well, not only did he make a stupid comment, he also shot pupils with a staple gun, placed one or more in a headlock, and pulled chairs from under them before they sat down. What a classic. This is just the 80s and 90s. Yeah. This is what they used to do.

So this actually, all of this went down in 2018 in May and they've been working there less than a year. The teaching regulation agency has now found that he's breached the standard,

which is why it's in the news and being reported now in 2020. Now the comment that he made, the stupid comment that he made to a student, they were in class and a student drew a picture of, like just a doodle of her friend's vagina on a piece of paper.

And what did he say? Mr. Lewis, the teacher, said, if your vagina looks like that, you've got a problem. That's not bad. You should come and work here. You get worse than that on the day. I know, right? Yeah.

Several students heard him making the comment and he admitted that it was, when interviewed on Reflection, a stupid comment. It's not that bad. Because I'm imagining it was a pretty bad drawing of the vagina, right? That was kind of what he was getting at. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. I feel like in New Zealand, everyone would have been like,

burn! Yeah, exactly, yeah. I don't think anyone would have been complaining. The T.R.A. panel found him guilty of unacceptable professional conduct and conduct that may bring the profession into disrepute. I think that pulling the chairs out from under people was worse than the

comment. Yeah, well, you could hurt somebody. It really hurts. The avalanche started, didn't it? Yeah. Well, so, yeah. I mean, I don't know how people put up with kids. It's not the job for me. Well, it's why you couldn't be a teacher.

There's many reasons why I couldn't be a teacher. Many, many. What else? Too lazy. Oh, yeah. Then like, nah, I don't know. Certainly wouldn't be allowed near those high school seniors. Don't know why you're laughing.

I don't think you're completely it as me this time. Excuse me. We've got the top six on the way. Apparently, 82 is the age you peak at for happiness. So how do six ways to be happier before 82? By living like you're 82. So Netflix and streaming services, they're massive now.

And that's how a lot of us relax, go home and binge. It's not actually very good for the environment. So lots of people out there protesting for climate change and then you go home and chill out and watch a bit of Netflix. Yeah. So it's kind of contradictory.

It's as bad for the environment as flying, apparently. Because what of all the power and everything that's needed? The energy that it uses. Right. So there is 7.7 billion people in the world. Half of them are on the internet and all of the information on the internet needs to be stored somewhere.

There is now, they're calling them hyperscale centres. There are 500 and more coming. They're the size of a football field and they have hundreds of thousands of computers inside. So these need to be continually running to keep the internet working.

And did you know that some of them are in the Arctic to save on cooling costs? Oh, that's good thinking. Apart from if they're in the Arctic warming up the Arctic. Yeah. True. It's completely contradictory to... Do they just open the window?

Yeah, I guess so. Because it's so cold. They don't need to do air con then Do they just open the window? Yeah, I guess so. Because it's so cold. They don't need to do aircon then. They just open the window. God, can we do anything right? I don't think we can do anything. You could go out and protest climate change wearing your hemp clothes that are made yourself.

And you've got to bike there. You bike there. You bike home. Yeah. And then what? Go for a walk. You eat food that you foraged. Yeah, from trees along the way.

No, but board games are made by trees. From trees. And those plastic pieces. Must be so hard being Greta Thunberg. I know. Because now if anyone's like, what are you watching on Netflix? She has to say nothing. Yeah.

Even like. They just sit on the couch looking at the wall. Yeah. She could read a book, but that's made from trees as well. Kindle, but then that was made in a factory. Yeah. I don't know, man. I think it's all about the conscious effort to reduce.

You don't have to be perfect, right? We all do a little bit. You know she has to be perfect because otherwise... Angry old white men. Yeah, are going to come for her. Right, okay. So, I mean, can we watch less Netflix? That would be helpful, I believe.

No, because it's already there. Yeah, it's already there. It's already there. It's got a great point. Using energy by turning on the TV and sitting there for the whole day watching. Streaming it. Binging, yeah.

So we just need more... Just watch a little bit less. Because we've got a few Hydra dams, eh? Yeah. But we've still got a couple of coalies. Yeah, we need a few more windmills, maybe. Yeah, why don't we do more of those things? Or put them in the sea.

The underwater turbines. Have you seen the sea ones? Those are coal. Yeah. The oceans always churning up. Oh, do they? No, we put a little like... Bit of mesh.

Bit of mesh. But then the dolphin gets stuck to the mesh. How does it. Oh, do they? No, we put a little like... Bit of mesh. Bit of mesh. But then the dolphin gets stuck to the mesh. How does it get stuck to the mesh? Well, because the tide's going out and it gets pump and then it's like, I can't get off the mesh. They have to wait for the incoming tide. No, it wouldn't be that much of a suck. Could be.

I'd make it a triangle. Oh, no, but then we'd get stabbed on the end of it. Yeah, then you get a... What about solar power? The sun's there. I know. We don't seem to be using enough of that. But then, though, aren't they toxic to produce?

Are they? I give up. We tried. We had at least a three-minute brainstorm. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Hello there. Yeah, apparently in this life we live, if you reach 82,

that's when you hit peak happiness. Sadly, most of us will be gone before then. Yeah, what is the New Zealand average age expectancy? Well, it'll be different for men and women because women always last longer. The average in New Zealand is 81.6. So we're just... For men and women.

Just fall short. For everybody. No, that's non-gender specific. Okay. I know that women are expected to live longer than men. I'll probably live longer, but I'll be a mess. Well, God, after the share market crash this week, I'm not going to have any KiwiSaver left.

Oh, yeah. If I get to 81.6, what am I going to do? This is when you've got to double down. Double down. Invest. Double down. Invest in airlines. Would that be a good one right now?

Yeah, that'll bounce back. Okay. That'll bounce back. So, yeah, I'm looking at this. Females, you get up to 84. Okay. And males, we just get to 80. I have like two years of happiness ahead of me.

Is that because your husband's gone? You can start looking for another one. Oh, my God. Yeah. I'm on my way out. What was that? No, don't start there. It was a cough from nowhere.

Don't start there. I've got to go home. I've got to self-isolate. Choked on your own spit. Did I? Yeah. Isn't that a symptom? No.

Top six ways to forgetting how to swallow. It's a symptom. Yeah. Top six ways to peak happiness before 82 by living like you're 82. Number six, just go toilet wherever you want. Okay. Yeah, okay. Sometimes in your pants.

Yeah. I've no time to stop. Now, as someone who's had an incident on a lime scooter in a foreign country with a tummy bug, I can say

that's not recommended. Oh, no. You weren't wearing a nappy, though. Oh, okay. You're saying wear it at old nappies. Oh, right. Okay. I don't know if that would have a nappy, though. Oh, okay. You were saying wear adult nappies. Oh, right, okay. I don't know if that would have made it better.

Yeah, it would have contained it. Yeah, that's true. A little bit better than a cotton brief. Are you still wearing white front jockeys? No. No. I wear the... You've gone for a jockstrap.

No. That's a surefire way to ruin jeans when you've got barley belly, isn't it? Number five on the list of the top six ways to peak happiness before 82 by living like you're 82. Just drive however you want, but it has to be slow. Yeah, right. That's the only one way. Not in my life, baby, but I'll just have to crawl along here at about 20k an hour

yeah number four on the list of the top six ways to peak happiness before 82 by living like you're 82 watch the chase every day but don't say the answers

out loud how do old people have you noticed this they'll watch a quiz show but they'll just sit there they're saying it in their head yeah I know how do they do it?

Because I always need to say it out loud. I yell out the answer if I know it. I'm like real proud. I'm like, I knew that. By myself, I yell out the answer. I'm not even proving anything to anybody. Number three on the list of the top six ways to peak happiness before 82 by living like you're 82.

Have one of those seats in the shower. You're actually, you know, there's nothing stopping you doing that now, right? My wife. You can't have one of these. You just have to take it out once you're done. Every time. Where do you put it? You already spend

way too much time in the shower. You'll be in there for hours. With your thinking. What are you doing in there? I was like, thinking. And then sometimes she'll open the door, thinking, are we? I'll be like, ah! And then I slip and I fall and I bang my head in the blood.

That's how you die. That's how I die. Number two on the list of the top six ways to peak happiness before 82 by living like you're 82. Slippers. Wear them everywhere, all the time. Oh, yeah. I love everywhere all the time. Oh, yeah. I love a good slipper. Yeah.

I actually saw a decent looking slipper because I thought, why not? This winter. Yeah. I'm going to get some slippers. Treat yourself.

They were like 100 bucks. What? I knew. Are you getting like lambs? Oh, yeah. Right. But I don't want to paint that much.

And you wouldn't buy secondhand slippers, No. Kmart's got some lovely slippers. Are they legit though? What do you mean legit? Are they actual like sheep and lamb or are they like cotton? I don't know.

I'd say they'd be cotton. I don't think they'd be. My feet deserve better. Number one, I want an animal to die and be skinned. Right. My feet. Okay. Like the Inuit people would have. Number one, I want an animal to die and be skinned. Right. Okay.

And like the Inuit people would have. Number one on the list of the top six ways to peak happiness before 82 by living like you're 82, go to bed at 6 o'clock every night. How good does that sound? I've started having early dinners. It's pretty good. Like 5.30. Oh, really?

Yeah, it's pretty good. Really? Yeah. After years of abuse and bullying yeah you have to come on board for an early night

yeah because how good is it you have dinner pretty good we wake up super early at 4 o'clock did you wake up ravenous nah

oh lucky yeah it's good eh and then you can have the rest of the night to do whatever chill yeah sleep

yep think yep sure wink wink think and then you can have the rest of the night to do whatever. Chill, yeah. Sleep. Yep. Think. Yep. Sure. Wink, wink. Think. That is today's top six.

Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. There is the transport agency, the NZTA. Yep. The government. They want to know what y'all think about push bikes sharing the footpath with pedestrians. Push bikes.

Push bikes. Bicycles. What do you want me to call them? Bikes. Bikes. I don't know. But I don't want anyone thinking I mean motorbikes. Yeah.

Pedal bikes. That is good because then they're off the road and that's safer. But then, like, the footpaths aren't big enough. Like, there's heaps of footpaths that aren't big enough for both. Yeah, they're not big enough to pass. Right. So they want our feedback on if we think bikes should be allowed on the footpath. To use the footpath, yeah. And what about e-scooters?

Because you know you're not allowed to use an e-scooter in a bike lane? Are you? Are you allowed to use them on a footpath? I've used them on a bike lane. I whizzed past the police. Whizz! I mean, people do. You can use them

on footpaths, right? You're not... Yeah, yeah, you do. E-scooters. That's why they limited the speed in some areas because of the busier footpaths.

If you can use a scooter on the footpaths then you should be able to use a bike. So there's a whole lot of changes being proposed and not only bikes on footpaths

but also a 15kmh speed limit on e-scooters, regardless of where they are. So there's a spot that I'm familiar with in central Auckland, and the minute you hit that area, you're like, it feels like I could be walking. Yeah, because when I take them to work, it's 15km. It's lame. But what if you fall off and you're wearing shorts and a T-shirt?

Oh, yeah. You're going that fast. You're going down. If you're going 24, 30 Ks. Yeah. Oh, you'll be scared. You need to be wearing a helmet. You'll be grazing.

You'll need some gauze. Yeah. And some ditto. Yeah. A 75-centimetre width limit on all wheeled vehicles on the footpath. So you couldn't have a wide. I couldn't have my go-kart. I couldn't have my go-kart. You couldn't have your go-kart. That's a fact.

But you could have an e-scooter. What else? What would be wider than 75 centimetres that you would ride on a footpath? A lawnmower. Electric lawnmower. Sure, you couldn't take it right on a lawnmower anywhere. Would any mobility scooters be wider than that?

Yeah, but they'd be different. It says all wheeled transport using a footpath, including e-scooters. Riders of anything with wheels powered would have to give way to pedestrians and people in wheelchairs, so that's good. Yeah. Because when you're on a bike, you're going a little bit faster. So other changes include a minimum distance for vehicles when they overtake bikes, horses,

e-scooters, and other wheeled transport. So if you're going 60 kilometers or less, you'd have to give them a meter gap when you go around them or 1.5 when going faster than that. Right. E-scooters, skateboards, and other transport devices would be allowed to use bike lanes, but they would need front and rear lights and reflectors. Okay. And vehicles that have to give way to buses pulling out of bus stops.

So that's on the vehicle, not the bus. Right. Even though the bus is the big boy in that situation, isn't he? Mm. Bounce off. What was that noise? Sounded like a bird flying into a window. It was an e-scooter rider.

We did not give way as we pulled back out. Right. So there you go. So what, they want our feedback on all of that? Yeah. They want your thoughts on the Accessible Streets consultation package. Right. Now, are you any closer to buying an e-scooter?

You were just doing the maths of how much you spend on e-scooters. I spend like 70 bucks a month. Good Lord. On e-scooters. Yeah, I reckon I'd spend like 70 bucks a month. Good Lord. On e-scooters. Because that's your transport to and from work. Why just go to work? Right. So if you bought one, you could get it home too.

Yeah, but then I have to go to the supermarket. I don't want to be that person that takes their e-scooter. Have you seen someone in the supermarket with their e-scooter? In the supermarket? Yeah, it's weird. That's not allowed. No, people do. They either fold them down or they just wheel them around in the supermarket with their e-scooter? In the supermarket? Yeah, it's weird. That's not allowed. No, people go in the supermarket. No, people do. They either fold them down or they just wheel them

around in the supermarket. I saw a kid at Indy's school. Kids ride e-scooters to school. Yeah, why is that weird? That's a bit bourgeois, isn't it? I don't know. I was walking and I just said wee. What happened to those ones who just push along? Yeah, what happened to them?

These kids have got motors now? Unbelievable. I'm still worried about the kids getting fat. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Blackout Woman. This is why I'm fat. This is why I'm fat. This is why, this is why, this is why I'm fat.

Welcome to another edition of This Is Why I'm Fat. It feels like we've had a lot of these recently. Is it because we're going into winter and everyone's like, ah, beach monster. I mean, we could probably do this segment every day. Yeah, it's true. The amount of foods that are shoved in our faces, literally. We're shoving them in our own face though, aren't we? We really are.

And today, and for listeners of the show, for a while, long-time listeners will know that I'm a fan of Maltesers. If you were going to make some kind of candy, I feel like this is what you'd make. This is so up your alley. Yeah, well, you know, I think this all started

when white Maltesers were a thing. And you could only get them in the UK. And so I had people this all started when white Maltesers were a thing. And you could only get them in the UK. And so I had people mewling me white Maltesers. Get them here for a little bit. Yep. A small window. Yep. And then that got X-Nayed.

And then they were in America and Britain. And then one of them got X-Nayed. And then I think Britain was the last bastion of the white Maltesers. It was. And then you can still get white M&M's in America in a few places. Oh God, I love those. They're so good. White chocolate. Absolute fiend. But love the Malteser. And I could easily demolish

a packet whilst watching Netflix or a movie. Now a lot of people have tagged me recently in the Malteser button. Oh yeah. Which I'm not. I'm so so about it. I like the pleasure of crunching the ball. The Malteser ball. So it's not I'm so so about it. I like the pleasure of crunching the ball. The Malteser ball.

So it's not just a flavour thing for you. It's a whole mouthfeel. It's an experience. Yeah. It's texture. It's everything. While popping up and spotted in stores in Australia, mocha Maltesers. Fletch loves a mocha when he's feeling senny's.

On a Friday. Friday mocha. Yeah, I just love a mocha. Friday mocha. So that's just coffee and chocolate, effectively. So they've added a coffee flavour into the standard Malteser. Because have you tried the honeycomb Malteser? It's almost a bit like, it's more like a crunchy bar. It's more like hokey pokey. Yeah, it's a hokey pokey in a Malteser.

They're nice. Right. They're doable. And they had some raspberry ones. And was it mint? But the flavour was in the chocolate. Oh. Not in the middle. Not in the bowl.

Not in the bowl. Not in the bolos. Bolos. Whereas the mocha, I'm unsure if the flavouring's in the, I haven't tried them, but. They've put coffee in the chocolate, haven't they?

And judging from the other flavours that appeared in Australia, they kind of didn't take long for them to come here. Right. So fingers crossed, Malteser lovers, mock a Malteser. Whenever we do this, somebody always messages in. I can't say how I know, but let's just say they'll be here in three weeks. Or something like that.

Right. Have they done that? Oh, I don't know if this is related to Maltesers specifically. All new releases now are between October and March, April. They have a moratorium where no new products are allowed. What's a moratorium? Like a ban. Who would do that? I would just break the moratorium and Moratorium, like a ban. Who would do that?

I would just break the moratorium and release my new product. Yeah. In a desert of new products. I thought you were going to say that you had gossip. They were coming. Well, no. That might trickle in. Okay. That might be text messaged and sometimes...

Mock-a-mole teasers. This is wild. Fact. This is wild. Fact. This is wild. This is wild. This is wild. Fact. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. You may have heard me mention that a friend of mine was going to be on Antiques Roadshow. When you say it in a sentence like that. Like none of my friends have been on Antiques Roadshow.

And he's not 80. No. He's not 80. Yeah. He's been on Antiques Roadshow And he's not 80 No He's not 80 Like in his 30s Yeah He's been on Antiques Roadshow Yeah Wow

Well it's aired This episode is aired Because he wouldn't tell us He wouldn't But I remember you saying that he had like a Was it a telegram? A radio communications from during the war It was like printed out and stuff

Yeah Okay And he picked it out of the bin A radio communications from during the war. It was like printed out and stuff. Yeah. Okay. And he picked it out of the bin. His granddad picked it out of the bin and glued it to a postcard. Right. And so you've got an update on this. Yeah. I've got audio from the...

Oh, okay. Yeah. Do you know the outcome? Yep. Oh. Okay. I'm kind of interested now. I see how this program works.

I see how they hook you in. Also coming up on the show, a moment has been caught on public transport in Australia in this time of heightened coronavirus. And I think this sort of thing, there's going to be a lot more of this. Yeah, so we're going to play and delve into this soon. Next, there's a thing called summing,

which could be stopping you from meeting your soulmate. Talk about this next. Soundkeeper Gary, good morning. Good morning, guys. A little bit tired today, Soundkeeper Gary. Yeah, a little tired. I think just it's getting darker. We've been doing this for a few months now.

It's a burden of knowing that being one of the few people that know the secret sound. Yeah, it's a curse and a blessing, isn't it? Yeah. There's power with it. Gary said his wife doesn't like morning kisses anymore. She's like, just bugger off. Yeah, no. No, she says I have to do a kiss in the morning.

But I don't want to do that thing in The Lion King when you're standing over somebody as they wake up and they get a fright. So I put my head down by her hip just to give her a warning and I'm like waking, about to enter, you know, private area. It's very graphic, Gary. It's very detailed. You put your head down by her hip as an indication

you're about to enter a private area. Her face. Her face. Okay, great. You touch her. As a man that's been kissing his wife goodbye for a few years now, in the morning you put your hand up over the shoulder like a light indication. Oh, right.

From just above the elbow and you run it up to the shoulder as an indication that the kiss is coming. Yeah, right. Okay. That's pretty cute. Head on hip and then I just move up slowly until she registers. Or you can do it across the bed and it has happened once. My elbow gave out and I was like, headbutt!

Not a good way to wake up. Alright, good morning, Sarah. How are you? Morning. Good, thanks guys. Alright, okay, so now that we've got the morning kisses out of the way, we can get on to the serious business that is The Secret Sound. And $80,000 is on the line. If you can tell us what this is, it's all yours.

Okay, so I think it's a banana, the top end of like a banana, being broken off and then the banana being peeled down. Okay. Have we had a banana guess? We've had a few banana guesses. I believe we've had a banana guess of it being peeled and bitten. Right. Yeah, I think it's the top bit of the banana though being broken and then being peeled.

Yeah, right. So the cracking over the banana. Yeah. Right. You see a banana in the clue video? Yeah, it was on the bench. Okay. And then I saw everyone eating fruit in there

and I thought they were trying to throw us, but I don't know. Just healthy ZM. Everyone's eating apples, trying to throw you off the scene with a banana. Yeah. I mean, in reality, it's normally free lollies that we're all eating. Sarah? That is not the secret. That's all good.

All right. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. A professional matchmaker has coined the term thumbing. I think we can figure out what it is. It's when you're, no, not that born. Actually, I hadn't thought about that. Stop it. You're a bad man.

Okay. It's when you're standing there on your phone and you're, like, scrolling. Yeah, because you scroll with your thumb. Yeah. So when you're doing this in public, I do this all the time, because if you're standing by yourself waiting for someone, what do you do? Yeah, you get out your phone. Even if it's just to look busy?

Because you can be avoiding an awkward situation if you're thumbing your phone. Yeah. Because then it looks like you're busy, so you don't have to talk to people. Or you look like, yeah, my friends are on their way. Yeah, I'm definitely not a loser here by myself. Yeah, I've got friends on my phone. See, I'm on my phone, they're coming. Yeah, and people do this all the time.

Or if you're waiting for a coffee at a cafe, you sit there on your phone. Any moment where you have some downtime, you might get out your phone and thumb away. So this is apparently stopping you from having your little meet cute moment that you see in the movies. Good. Because it's pretty, this matchmaker says it's pretty much like hanging a do not disturb sign around your neck. Yeah, right. Don't talk to me. I'm busy. I'm on my phone. So any little moment where you could like run into someone and they could like spark up some banter

and like they could be the one is not happening. But you won't see that or be present because you're on your phone. You won't see the hotties, first of all, and they won't want to talk to you because you're on your phone. What if the hotties did want to talk to you? What could they possibly say when you're on your phone. And I'm guessing what if the hotties did want to talk to you, what could they possibly say when you're on your phone?

Hello? Hey. Hey. Hey, baby, what you looking at there? What you looking at? That sounds real creepy. You're on Trade Me. You looking for a jumper?

Are you being the hottie? Yeah. I mean, obviously. It was the role I was going to play. Right. Sorry, I didn't pick that up. Hey there, mate. What are you doing?

Commenting on a stuff story. Oh, yeah. Oh, you're saying racist stuff. No, you are not the one for me. See ya. Yeah, so when you're out in public, maybe give it a go. Especially in cafes where there's lots of people. How many times have you been with your friends and you've just started scrolling away?

That happens as well all the time, doesn't it? Yeah, but that's because they're there now and you don't want to talk to them. Well, they should be more exciting and then you wouldn't need to have converted to your imaginary online friends for entertainment in person. Yeah, true.

All right, 12 past seven. Next on the show, Mountie at the social media desk has a yoga issue. Mmm. An issue with yoga class. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. This is an issue, and it involves Mountie at the social media desk,

who joins us this morning via a microphone connected at the social media desk. Test, test. No, not working. Test, test. Good morning. Yes, there she is. Oh, and Tern connected at the social media desk. Test, test. No, not working. Test, test. Good morning. Yes, there she is. Oh, intern,

you're at the other desk. Oh, is that it? Now, did that microphone go from our desk? I have to get you out of class dispersions when it's usually flat. Through the executive

intern desk to the social media desk. That's a highway of wires out there. I don't understand a thing that's happening. Now, you go to yoga. I didn't know this. I thing that's happening. Now you go to yoga. I didn't know this.

I do, yes, occasionally. You go to yoga. Now what's better, yoga, your yoga or Megan's Pilates? Well, yours is private, isn't it? Yeah. I know, but not that. Not that. I want to know who's definitively all-time better

between yoga and Pilates. Well, technically mine's a body balance class, so it's Pilates, yoga. Oh, it's a mixture. That's the best one then. Yeah, it mine's a body balance class so it's Pilates, yoga. Oh, it's a mixture. That's the best one then. Yeah, it's good.

That's the best one. Okay, it's not a competition. Everything's a competition. Yeah. We're all doing something for our body. Yogi,

Yogi Bear, our very own Yogi goes to a body balance class which is better than Megan's in-home Pilates but there is a problem. There is. So there's in-home Pilates, but there is a problem. There is. So there's a girl who goes to the same class as me consistently

and she always seems to be in front of me and every time without fail her tights are halfway down her bum. Oh, she's got like low riding butt. Yeah. Are you actually seeing butt crack? Yeah, full on butt crack. How many, how much butt crack? Maybe, oh.

Two inches? I don't know inches, but like maybe four centimetres? I feel like you'd feel the breeze. You would because they have the fans going. Yeah. So you're saying four centimetres, but you're holding your fingers like two inches. Okay, well, I'm not a mathematician.

Four centimetres is just shy of two inches. Look, we could talk about metric versus imperial all day long. We certainly could. Right! That's a lot of butt crap. That's a lot of butt crap. But then she's pulling them up so she knows it's a problem. She knows it's a problem because she does pull them up.

Okay. What's causing the tight to slip? Is it not tight enough? Is it not tight enough? Is it loose tight? They seem tight, but they're just very low rise, I guess. Low ride. It's not high waisties. Okay.

So you are in the predicament of saying to her how I can see your butt break. Well, maybe it's quite selfish because it is quite distracting for me. Yeah. I mean, another class would be fine, but yoga, like everyone's bits and bobs are in everyone else's bits and bobs.

Down with dog. Are you actually contemplating saying something to her? Yeah. I wouldn't be able to say something. Could you say something to the gym? What are the gym going to say? Excuse me, can you pull your pants up? Pull butt cracks out during yoga.

I don't know what to do. You can't say something. Imagine if someone walked up to you and said, hey, do you mind pulling your pants up, your butt cracks showing? Well, no, obviously you're going to say it better than that. I don't know how, but she shouldn't have to say someone's butt crack.

You can't really take kids to yoga class. They're great at saying this. My kids are always like, when they see a butt crack, they're always like, she shouldn't have to see someone's butt crack. That's, you need, you can't really take kids to yoga class. They're great at saying this. My kids are always like, when they see a butt crack, they're always like, I can see that guy's butt crack. And they say it loud enough so the person can hear it. Also, I don't have kids. I can't just procure a child. I'll borrow, you can borrow mine for the afternoon.

I just walk in and be like, whoa, lady, I can see your butt crack. Oh my gosh, kids say the dumbest thing. I'm so sorry. This could be actually a moneymaker. Maybe it's an app. Like, you know, truth speak. Like an Uber, but a truth Uber. A truth Uber.

A truth Uber. Truth Uber. Yeah, and then people sign up on the app. You bring your kids over. They just give them a moment of truth that they might need to hear like, poo, you stink, you should use deodorant or, you know, something like that. Poo, you stink, that's a good one.

Yeah. Kids say these things. They walk up to someone and they're like, what does it smell like? Farts in here. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Or I can see your butt crack.

And then the job's done because people are never going to be mad at a kid. Yeah. I like this. For saying that. We're like outsourcing our difficult conversations to children. Yes. Yes. The last bastions of hope outsourcing our difficult conversations to children. Yes. Yes. The last bastions of hope and truth that we have, children.

So we asked on our Instagram, should producer Mountie tell the girl at the gym that her butt crack is out every yoga class, leave her be 53%. 47% tell her. It's close though. But see, that's people here. You're the one telling her. I wouldn't tell her. If we were asking people, would you say something,

I think that would be surely 70%, 80% no. Yeah. Because who wants that difficult conversation? Did you see a, just speaking of things slipping out, probably slightly more than you want to tell them, but a WWE wrestler at the weekend's testicle popped out of the side of his tight little wrestling knickers. While he was wrestling?

Really? Yeah, yeah, while he was wrestling. Imagine if you were the other, you'd have to stop and be like, hey, just... You got him in a headlock.

You're like, hey bro, your ball's hanging out. I'm going to, you whack me, get me out of this headlock and then you tuck that ball away, son,

because everyone can see your ball. But also, that's dangerous you might actually accidentally I know you could definitely I've always wanted that with wrestlers

with the little the ones that wear the little undies how they don't sustain more genital injuries. Yeah. I guess it depends if you've got low hangers

as well. I would definitely but if a ball was out of my yoga class I'd say something. Oh absolutely. But a butt crack, maybe not. Maybe not offensive enough to say something.

Right. Hey, good luck with that one, Mel. Yeah, thanks for your help. Maybe just move. Yeah, maybe just quit the gym. Yeah, exactly. It's expensive anyway. Yeah, exactly.

Go to a different gym class. Yeah, and maybe put that money towards car insurance, which have you got yet? Oh my, do you know I had two people message me over the weekend saying, Jess, I've caught up with the podcast. Please tell me

you've got Mountie insurance. Lots of people replied to this poll saying, leave the girl at the gym alone and just get insurance. Yes. Good. Get insurance.

Actually, let's do that after the show. Let's get you some quotes. No, this isn't in the schedule, so. No, we can do that on the after show schedule. 722. A mate of mine was on TV.

Yeah. On Antiques Roadshow. We were wondering whether or not his little item would be excited enough to make the cut. It did. Because they did all the filming, but they still said to them there's a chance. And then he got an email about a couple of weeks ago saying this is when it's going to be on. And it was on yesterday. We've got that coming up but next on the show

a moment on public transport in Australia has gone viral. I'm going to play this for you next. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. There is a clip that's gone crazy online. This is in Sydney, two passengers

on a train. Now apparently, I've just been reading in the comments, this is in the quiet carriage. Oh, okay. Where you can choose to sit if you don't want to talk loudly. Because you always get to be, no being on your cell phone. I can't, sometimes when I'm on like public transport in Australia, I've seen people just don't care they're on their phone. Having a big old combo.

I can't do quiet talking, so I don't ever answer the phone on a bus or a train. No. Can't do it. Well, apparently this is on the quiet carriage, and as Danny writes in the comments, the quiet carriage on a train is a mishmash of the most easily irritated

people you'll ever see. Oh yeah, good call. But this happens on the quiet train. We've got the audio here, and I'll tell you kind of what's going on as it's happening. Okay. I did not open my mouth when I coughed. I coughed inside my mouth. That's disgusting.

Yeah, you're disgusting too. Are you serious? Did you just cough at me? Yeah. I don't have a pandemic. Bully, I asked you politely to please cover your mouth. Yes, I did not open my mouth when I coughed, don't you listen? You're a doctor.

What? You're a doctor. Is that how you stop? Are you? The advice from the government has been to cover your mouth when you cough. Just be quiet. I don't want to hear this. And then you coughed at me.

You're in a quiet cabin. With a open mouth. Oh, shut up. So basically, you've got... That's the quietest argument I've ever heard. Yeah, you've got a boomer in a denim jacket, presumably named Karen with what looks like a semi-perm. Yeah.

And she coughs. Now, the other guy, he's on the train, a younger guy. He's got headphones on. He's sitting opposite her. Yeah, they're facing each other. And he says when the video starts that she coughed in his direction. She's saying she coughed with her mouth shut. So it doesn't count because she doesn't have the pandemic.

But you can cough with your mouth shut. You don't cough with your mouth shut. You can't properly cough with your mouth shut. You might be able to do a little bit. Now, this is the thing. The video starts when the argument starts so we don't see the cough. Yeah. But then she takes wild offense to his accusation.

How to cough, and she should have her hand over her mouth. She asks him if he's a doctor. She coughs again. Yeah, she coughs. She coughs at him. At him. Yeah. After she becomes irritated.

And he takes a photo of her. Are you kidding me? He takes a photo of her. But it's okay because she doesn't have a pandemic quote. Yeah. After she becomes irritated. And he takes a photo of her. Are you kidding me? He takes a photo of her. But it's okay because she doesn't have a pandemic quote. No. Yeah. I don't have the pandemic. And then he said, well, it doesn't matter.

It's just rude. You cover your mouth when you cough. That's my biggest pet peeve. I'll walk home every day through the city. And the amount of people pre all of this corona that cough and don't cover their mouth or at the supermarket or anywhere, that gets me going because you always cover your mouth, don't you?

If you sneeze or cough. Yeah. You'd think so. You'd think so. You'd cough into the elbow. That's the vibe now. That's what they're telling you now. You don't cough on your hands

because then your hands will have to touch things. Yeah. I mean, pre-corona, I'd just do it onto my hand and wipe my hand on my pants. Gross. I mean, pre-corona, I just do it onto my hand and wipe my hand on my pants. Gross. I mean, there was those snotty bits in there. Yeah, and you've definitely got rid

of all the germs off your hand with that wipe. Well, obviously not, Megan, but it's better than coughing into the... Your shorts, isn't it? Your shorts have to go into self-isolation in two weeks because you've just coronad them. But yeah, I reckon that we're going to see

more of this kind of stuff happening. Way more. Aussie seemed to be leading the charge in weird public videos because there was the scrap and woolies over the toilet paper.

There's been this. There's been a couple of other things, Papa. There's some great TikToks coming out of Australia with all of the toilet paper fights

and there's some great humour coming out of it all. Yeah. If it's giving us anything. If we're all going to die, we might humour coming out of it all. Yeah. If it's giving us anything. Well, if we're all going to die, we might as well die laughing. Exactly. Keeping up to date with the news just became a little easier.

As it heralds new podcasts, the front page is your short, sharp daily news podcast. Join me, Damien Venuto, every weekday morning as I chat with journalists and newsmakers going behind the headlines to break down what you need to know on the biggest news stories of the day. Listen to the front page at nzherald.co.nz slash podcasts and follow us on iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. It'll be one of those TV shows that you put up there with The Chase or Graham Norton's Red Chair.

Yep. You know? If you know someone that gets on there, it's a pretty big deal. We know someone that went on the Red Chair. Yeah. I think I know two people that did the Red Chair. Because, you know, they love a New Zealander on the Red Chair. Oh, they do, yeah.

We've got great yarns. I don't think any New Zealanders that I know have been on the chase yet. It would be super exciting to hear that Kiwi accent being like, oh, I just don't know. Give me a little think about it. But a mate of mine was on Antiques Roadshow. Now, you told us about this a while ago. This is one that Megan thinks is cute.

Oh, can you stop? It was one time. You showed me one photo. That's a cute photo. And then it stopped. Yeah. Get me in trouble. So he actually appeared on Antiques Roadshow.

Now, what was he taking along to Antiques Roadshow? So he went on with his dad. That's why in this clip you'll hear them say your father because they're talking about his dad's father. Right. And World War II worked the radios. Okay. So received communication

of things like the D-Day landing. Yeah. Like where the British troops of certain companies were at. Right. And his job was to type it.

That thing. What was that? Is that what he got? What? Mike Moore's code and stuff. Is that what he got? I think so. Yeah, right. I think so. Yeah, right.

I think so. Or maybe just radio transmissions from more established bases during World War II. His job, type it out. Type, type, type. Right. And send it through. Right.

So that they could timeline it. But then after that, it was all chucked in the bin. But he collected a few moments in the war that he thought were turning points, which turned out to be like the Normandy invasion. Right. The liberation of Paris, et cetera, et cetera. And they're typed out and they're glued on the back of a postcard. It's been in his family for ages.

But him and his dad have always wondered what it was worth, so they went along to Antiques Roadshow. And this is the signal that actually released the news to the world that the Second Front had started and the beginning of the end of World War II was underway. It's such an iconic thing, and we threw it in the bin. It's genius, isn't it, really? Absolute genius.

Well, it's a good job your dad pulled it out of the bin because whilst it is only three pieces of very scrappy paper, I think there's someone out there that would pay somewhere in the region of £1,000 for this. £1,000! £1,000. So, $1,000! £1,000. So, $2,000 New Zealand dollars for an old postcard with some old printouts on it.

Wow. Of, like, turning points in the war. But then what if they hold on to it for a bit longer? Like, pass it down in the family. But, yeah, exactly, like a family heirloom. Yeah. But it's not going to go up in value, is it? Because they're already dead, all the people.

It's already happened. You can't keep it in the family forever. You'll eventually get to some shitbag grandson who'll be like, I'm going to make money out of this. And buy meth with it or something. That's the thing that everybody should think about with family heirlooms. They're like, you're going to pass it down,

someone's going to sell it, why don't you do it? But then you become the shitbag. But do it earlier before it becomes too much of a thing. Yeah. But your friend has loved this. He's been on TV. He's been telling everyone. Oh, God.

We've been getting updates about it. And then the big thing was it went and he knew what they got told it was. But he, NDA, NDA. I can't tell you. I was like, we're literally on the other side of the world. He's like, you've got a big mouth. I was like, I'll give you that. Yeah, you do.

Did he get more Instagram followers? I don't know. Don't flash up your Instagram on Antiques Roadshow. Follow me on the gram. Yeah. And if you'd like to see some more like pictures of this, follow me on the gram. Imagine the BBC would edit that out if you started yourself promoting your gram. For more possible valuable antiques, follow me on the grand. I imagine the BBC would edit that out if you started yourself promoting your grand. For more possible

valuable antiques, follow me on the grand. My grandad picked out of the war bin. Follow me on the grand. We wanted to take some calls this morning of those times when you had a little famous moment on TV. Maybe you appeared on a show just for a little second

or a news clip. The news could have come to you for a three second clip. Yeah. Or you could have been, I don't know, you could have had a guest, like a little background role

in Shortland Street or something. We did that. That was exciting. Remember that? Oh, that was exciting. We're just standing there pretending to talk to each other. Yeah.

I overreacted. You did overreact. My bad. You sold it. It's awkward. It was very awkward. Very Shakespearean. Yeah, it was. Very flamboyant. I bad. I sold it. It's awkward. It was very awkward. Very Shakespearean. Yeah, it was.

Very flamboyant. I was very Yeah, gesticular. Yeah, gesticular. Not testicular. They edited that out. Yeah. Especially at seven o'clock

on Shortland Street on TVNZ too. Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Talk about when you've been on the telly.

Your little moment where you had a little maybe you even had two or three seconds. Yeah, when you've been on the telly. Your little moment where you had a little, maybe you even had two or three seconds. Yeah, maybe you had a quote. Maybe your name got put up at the bottom. Oh, that's good stuff. Bougie. Vaughan's friend has appeared on Antiques Roadshow.

Skye, what was your moment on the telly? So when What Now was set on Wellington, my mum knew the camera guy, so we got free tickets and all that. And then we got chipped on the presenter's knee because we knew them and all that. And I was about four, so we've got to clarify that. But I kicked my nose and ate it while sitting on the presenter's knee. Ah! Oh my God!

So good. And to this day, my parents still have the recording on a video tape. And every time I bring like, you know, my partner or, you know, a new friend around, they're like, oh, let's sit down and watch this. And they show everyone they know. This stuff dreams are made of as a parent. This is dream stuff. Oh, you have to send us a clip of that.

That's hilarious. And it is like the worst. It's like 21st of November, so they're like burning it onto a DVD to show it to everyone. Amazing. That's the stuff. That's been a long time. Brilliant.

They have Sky. Thanks for your call. 12 minutes to wait. Keep your texts, your calls coming in. We'll get to more of those next. So Vaughn's friend's been on Antec's Roadshow in the UK selling a, well, just seeing how much a telegram, an end of the war broadcast message was.

Yeah. A thousand pounds. Bit of history there. Bit of British history. So we want to know when you've had your little moment of fame on TV. I actually have. So many messages. Somebody send me some audio.

I've got a moment of someone being on TV here. Oh, okay. Are you good for me? Yeah, yeah. Friends started arriving. So this is a point of principle for you boys, or did you just want a sausage? That's a little column A, a little column B.

A lot of column sausage. But yeah, it's crazy. So why not? I agree. I love sausages, sure. I love lamb. Great, yeah, fantastic. I love sausages, sure. I love lamb. Great, yeah, fantastic. I knew that was coming.

We love sausage. How do you still have that audio? No, I found it. It was eight years ago. Was it? Was it? Yeah. What was it even about?

It was a sausage sizzle fundraiser to help the Samoan team because they'd been fined for not wearing mouthguards in the Rugby World Cup. Is that right? That's right, yes. And John Campbell had a saucy sis. Oh, bless. Oh, JC. JC. Good man. The original JC. My favourite JC.

Yeah, wow. And I'm forever immortalised. I love sausage. There's something missing when you don't have the video aspect of the camera on you and just a blank look on your face going, I just love sausages. Love sausages, sure. Love sausages. So what was your moment on TV?

Andrew. Yeah, you've got an idol. That was me. 30 seconds. 30 seconds of pain. Oh, Andrew. Did you audition and they cut you off? They were like, eh.

They totally cut. Frankie, if I see Frankie at another Christmas in the park, I'm going to get him and it was going to be on because he said to me, in this amazing moment, when I just had finished my interpretation of Spice Girls Wannabe in a low G key, he turned and said to me, Andrew, you are not New Zealand Idol. And I said, I object.

I am New Zealand Idol. Andrew, mate, we have now, all these years later, a taste of Spice Girls Wannabe in a low G. Please. Please. Okay. Do you really want to hear it? Andrew, I would love nothing more. The country needs it.

This will make my day, Andrew. I've been repressing it for so many years. Don't. Get it free, Andrew. I have no self-repression here. Okay. All right. Well, I'm going to give you a little bit.

Here it starts. I'm going to just keep my notes right Thank you Yeah, Andrew, you are a New Zealand Idol That was great That was great I love you, though That was great

How dare, how dare Frankie Stevens How dare he That was great. I love you, Doc. That was great. Brilliant answer. How dare Frankie Stevens. How dare Frankie Stevens. How dare he. How dare he. All right, some text messages. Oh, so many. Somebody said, back in 2005, you may remember there was a story about Cambridge High School, the principal giving out NCEA credits for picking up rubbish.

Yes, I remember that. Yeah. There was a three second clip on the 6pm news of me wagging downtown that day. Boy. Oh no. I got in trouble. Somebody said... You're probably just getting an orienteering credit.

Yeah. There you go. That's a good or pop down the shops and get us a coffee credit. Yeah. Somebody else said they were at the Sevens and they were doing a rather erotic dance that the news decided to use for people preloading. And

straight after it must have aired, my mother called me saying, your grandfather's just seen you on television along with your father and myself. That's out of context. Doing that dance. Is it? Is it? That's a good thing to say. My husband and I went to Mexico during swine flu season. Oh.

Our last big flu. Yeah. The place was pretty empty comparison to pre-swine flu. Yeah. And there was a reporter out on the street we got interviewed asking why we were there given the circumstances. Shouldn't you have delayed your holiday? And we're like, nah, she'll be right.

And we're on the BBC. It's classic Kiwi advice. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Vaughan. Yeah. The return of I Better Can Guess Your Mum's Name. That's true. Yes. We're going to play that

very, very soon. It's where I basically ask five questions and then have 15 seconds to guess your mum's name. So if you'd like to play... We've played it five times. I've guessed correctly three. Okay, so it's 60%. You're not too bad at this game. You rate yourself.

Yeah, or it would give me a degree. All right. And she's, I guess we can call her our coronavirus expert, but she's a microbiologist. Susie Wiles, Dr. Susie Wiles is going to join us for a Q&A. We liked her last time. Yeah, she's good, eh? A lot of people have questions, just everyday questions.

About the virus? Yeah. We're going to chuck them at Susie. Chuck them? We're going to put them to Susie. Are you writing a question now as well, Vaughn? Yeah,

for what I'm going to ask the person about their mum. I just thought of one. Oh, I thought you had a question for Susie. I was in the spot. Well, I could ask her. It would actually work for both.

Okay, right, okay. All thanks to Save My Bacon, making borrowing better for financially responsible Kiwis. Soundkeeper Gary is in, and to the rescue has just handed me some deodorant. Mmm. Because I made the comment earlier that my deodorant's near the bottom, my Nivea, and I think I'm just getting like a...

Oh, like a compressed air. Just the air. It's just like... Like it's used all that stuff. You're just spraying yourself with propellant. I'm just spraying the pits with nothing. Just giving you a gentle wave. Yeah, just...

Thank you for that, Gary. But it's a healthy bottle, yes. Really appreciated that. Okay. You're welcome. Because we do, as you mentioned, Megan, we've got a guest coming in, so I don't want to smell out the guests.

Alright, secret sound. Amber, good morning. Good morning. Now, $80,000. Just where you've been on hold there, have you been thinking about what you'll do with that $80,000? Definitely. Okay. Are you going to be sensible if you win this?

Yes. My husband and I are buying a house soon, so that's probably going to go towards the house. Okay, is this house going to have a pool? Because at $80,000, we could probably go up to the next level of house and get a pool. Maybe, maybe. Okay, all right. Do it.

Just want some frivolous spending. I don't want it all being sensibly spent. All right, well, we're not at that stage yet Amber, because you need to identify our secret sound. Now this is it. $80,000. What do you think it is? I think it's the sound of someone gasping

as they drop a plastic container filled with some sort of liquid. And that last little bit of the sound is that liquid going all over. I can hear that. You can, okay, hear because you say liquid. Yes. Drop a gasp.

Some sort of liquid, like either soup or cream or, you know. We know what liquids are. She's just being specific. Are you familiar with liquid? It's not the solid, but it's runny. You're such a cheeky bitch. Calm down, please. Right, Amber.

Sorry, Amber. We need Amber to be very specific. Yeah. It's actually a good thing. But is it a cream or a soup? That's what I... What are you picturing in the head? Soup?

Yeah, what are you picturing when... I'm picturing like a pumpkin soup. No, the viscosity. It would be thicker. That sound is more runny. I am picturing a runny soup with bits. Like a chicken. Mushroom.

Like when you had an easy yo maker and you used to make your own yogurt, they'd go runny. Nah, see, I don't hear that. Not runny enough. Yeah. Amber? Yes?

Amber, that is not what the secret sound is. No way. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Hey, you on the phone, I bet I can guess your mum's name. We're going to address what's happening. Well, if you're new to the show in this segment, I bet I can guess your mum's name. We have a random caller and Vaughn asked them five questions about their mum. And then has 15 seconds to guess their mum's name. If he can do that, $100 cash.

And then he gets one shot at the dad's name. One guess for another. Yeah, I've not. Ow! The door's falling off the cupboard. Okay. That's broken now. Oh, my God.

Don't kick it. That's not on me. You kicked it. I couldn't not on me. You kicked it. I couldn't have kicked it. You bloody kids. I couldn't have kicked it. The two locks undone. Caitlin joins us.

Good morning, Caitlin. Hi, guys. How are you? Good. Now, you have called through. Vaughn is going to ask five questions to guess your mum's name, but Megan does want to raise something here. So, Vaughn's been doing a little bit of research.

Yeah. So, basically, I told doing a little bit of research. Yeah. Basically, I told these two that I've been doing research. My research includes I go to those things, you know, in the mall where they sell like combs with names on them or like key rings with names on them. Yeah. Because all mums can always find their names on those key rings. Yeah, right.

That is actually my first question for you, Caitlin. Yeah. Is your mum's name on souvenir equipment? Yeah. Oh, okay. That's a good question from you, Smith. Oh, that is a good question. Imagine if she said no.

I'd be buggered. Where would I start? Okay, question two because I get five questions before guessing your mum's name. Is your mum worried About coronavirus? Oh a wee bit Not really to be honest Give me a bit more information

On the wee bit What's she doing? Is she stockpiling? Is she reminding everyone To wash their hands? No we keep up to date With it in the news But yeah not really too concerned

She's not too concerned She's a carefree Kiwi mum Yeah How are your parents? Because don't they have Some travel coming up? They do Are they worried about that? They weren't with it in the news, but yeah, not really too concerned. She's not too concerned. She's a carefree Kiwi mum. Yeah. How are your parents? Because don't they have some travel coming up? They do. Are they worried about that?

They weren't, but now they're just a bit like, what's going to happen? Yeah, right. I think their friends are a bit more worried than they are. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah, right. Mum was Googling what South American hospitals are like, huh? That's never a good idea. No, apparently they're all like quite pretty.

Samiris are pretty good. Yeah, right. Okay, so we've got to ask that question and that one. What are your mum's siblings' names, like your aunties and uncles on mum's side? Aunties? Okay, so she's got six brothers. Holy sh...

Okay. Charles, Tony, John, Chaz, Tim and Peter. Oh, okay. Chaz was a bit... Was your mum the youngest? Were they trying for a girl? Yeah, she was the youngest and she's a girl. Oh, but that's some stubbornness. And then your nan is like...

Now go get the vasectomy. All right. So those are all quite traditional. Yeah. What's your mum's go-to dinner meal? Like, what does she cook? What's her signature dish? Chicken and bacon pasta.

Oh, yeah. Yum. That's pretty good. God, now I need chicken and bacon. That's two meat, no veg. That's my sort of meal. Great mum meal. That's pretty good. Now I need chicken and bacon. That's two meat, no veg. That's my sort of meal. Great mum meal. And some carbs there.

And just another one on the food. I feel like this is a real question that will give me the inside information. Does your mum like spicy food? No, no, no, no. Trick question. Garlic way too. Trick question. Mums never like spicy food.

They're like, oh, what is this? You're like, mum, that's garlic bread. She's like, it's spicy. Yeah, no, even garlic's just too much. Can't cope. Oh, what's this taste? Ginger? Oh, I don't like it at all.

It's burning my mouth. It's too hot. All right, well, five questions. Caitlin, Vaughn now has 15 seconds to guess your mum's name. He'll read out some random names. And if you hear your mum's name, you say, that's my mum. Stop.

That's my mum. Okay, are we ready, Vaughn? Yeah, I'm ready. You ready, Caitlin? Your 15 seconds starts now. Sarah, Nicole, Nicola, Angela, Lisa, Rebecca, Anna, Catherine, Vanessa, Katrina, Tanya, Karen. Got to hurry up now.

Rachel, Natasha, Amanda, Melanie, Joanne. Yep, it's mum. Yeah! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. There's a dance I do now when I get it right. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Joanne. Wow.

Sweet Joanne. Wow. Hey, well, this is interesting because now we get to go through to the bonus round. While you're on the phone, I'll have a go at guessing your dad's name. Now, one shot.

Was it last time? I guessed Bruce, but it was Brent, hey? Yeah, so close. Because Bruce was the first name that popped into my head again this time. Oh, really?

Joanne and Bruce. Yeah, doesn't that sound good? Joanne and Bruce. Joanne and Bruce. Yeah. And their little girl, Caitlin. See, I want Joanne and Bruce. Yeah, doesn't that sound good? Joanne and Bruce. Joanne and Bruce. Yeah. And their little girl, Caitlin. See, I want to ask more questions. Is Dad younger?

We can't win it, but we can. The rules are you just have to... No, you can't go Bruce. It's not Bruce. Do you reckon Joanne would be into a Craig? A Craig? Joanne and Craig. That sounds...

That goes well together, right? Joanne and Craig. That sounds... That goes well together, right? Joanne and Craig. Maybe a Philip. Nah. Joanne deserves better than that boring-ass name. Okay. I'm going with Craig. Oh, so close.

It's Clint. Why do you always get the first letter? How do I get the letter? It's two weeks in a row I've got a letter One day Well congratulations Vaughan has successfully guessed your mum's name Caitlin $100

Thank you so much It seems like little money after We've got $80,000 up for grabs with our secret sound But hey better than nothing congratulations Caitlin All we share to do is have a mum's name Yeah that's true It's not hard work, is it? It's not hard work, is it?

It's a secret sound. It's easy peasy. It is. Lemon squeezy. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. She's joining us in studio again, microbiologist Dr. Susie Wiles. Good morning. Good morning.

We thought we'd get you in to kind of debunk and answer questions. A lot of people got lots of questions, maybe like rumours or things they've heard other people say. Okay. To help us out and tell us what's up. I feel like if anyone's going to know,

it's going to be you. Also, you did just deny Vaughan a handshake when you came in and we did elbows. We did elbow bumps. Yeah, so trying to encourage people now to start

this sort of social distancing thing. So if you don't need, well, I would say don't hug, don't kiss, elbows and bumping feet. That's the new one as well that's going around, which is quite cool. Because I was going to ask you if you thought that was stupid or whether it's kind of like a good thing.

These are clever things. Minimising the amount of, you know, contact. It's really sad because we obviously still want human contact. But what we're saying is there are ways that you can do that without putting people at risk. This is a silly, it might seem like a silly question because we are right now on the radio, but is the media overhyping all of this? I think some places are doing a great job and others have been a little hypey. We are really clearly in the phase where the cases we have in New Zealand are coming from overseas and then are sort of little like pockets in families where people transmit.

And what we are concerned about, and this is happening around the world now, is when we start to see it popping up in more places and transmitting between people out in the community. And so what I'm trying to say is that all of us need to stay calm and we just need to prepare for that. And so preparing for that is starting to get used to things

like regularly washing our hands, bumping elbows rather than hugging. So these are all things that we can start to do now while we're all calm and collected in case things get worse. Right. What about the toilet paper situation? I don't know what's going on with toilet paper. Like Australians are being... Have people not been wiping their arse till now?

It's everywhere. It's been here, it's been Australia, it's been... I mean, it's going crazy. I don't understand what that's about. And panic buying in general is just really bad because what it means is that people have more than they need and then others have nothing. And so we all just need to be really calm and measured,

think about what we need, but not what we're going to need for like the next year, what we're going to need just for the next few weeks. She's a woman of science. She can't answer that. Now, we've asked our listeners for their big questions and we thought maybe you can help with these. Yeah, okay. So I've got, should I cancel my upcoming trip overseas?

I'm getting asked this a lot. So I guess it depends where you're going. My advice would be to talk to your travel insurance company about whether they will cover it. And what you have to be thinking, there's two things you have to think about. One is if you ended up catching this and you had to spend either two weeks in isolation or two to six weeks in hospital, is that a place where you would want that to happen? And would you be able to afford it? And then if you come back, would you be happy to self-isolate for two weeks? And if you answer no to either of those questions, then you shouldn't go.

Okay. If you get coronavirus and recover, can you catch it again? Very interesting question. So at the moment, some of the most viral infections, you do mount an immune response and then that sort of protects you. If not completely the next time, it usually makes it much easier the next time around. It certainly looks at the moment like coronavirus will be just like that. So we hope that people will be immune at the second exposure.

Do you think that just the increased amount of personal hygiene and everything, just general flu numbers will be lower this season? That would be amazing. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and yes, there are still some really important things that we're going to need to do as a country,

which is change our attitude around, you know, when people go to work when they're unwell. Because we have this kind of like, oh, well, it's not that bad. We can kind of battle on. Don't look at Don don't point at me. This guy. I've never had a sick day. So there's two issues with that.

One is that there are going to be people who have jobs where actually they can't afford to take time off. So we're going to need to, every company needs to be thinking about, well, that's not ideal, right? There was somebody, there's a case in Tasmania where someone was awaiting their test result. They work at a hotel and they went they were told not to go to work but they couldn't afford not to go to work so they went to work and they tested positive and now the public health officials are having to go to this hotel and figure out who they had contact with because all of those people may well now need to go into isolation so we need some you know we need companies with deep pockets to be going okay anyone who works for us don't come to

work if you're sick and we'll figure out how you can work remotely right so we need to figure that thing out because and the other thing you have to remember is even if it doesn't affect you very badly I mean your colleague could have asthma or you know you could be somebody next to you could be more vulnerable and we need to be thinking about protecting them on that note um someone asked, are kids, pregnant women and those with asthma more at risk? So there's no information specifically about pregnant women, although the tendency is for pregnant women to be a little more susceptible to things. So they should certainly be, you know, everyone should be thinking about protecting them. The data from kids look like kids are sort of the same as, you know, people in their teens and 20s, but it may well be that there haven't

been enough cases for that. Certainly, usually with influenza and some other viruses, you do see the children and really young and really old are the worst affected. And that doesn't seem to be the case for this, but it may just be that there haven't been enough numbers. We haven't counted them properly yet. This is a question

I also share with this person. If this is similar to the common flu, why is it such a big deal? Is it similar? Okay, so it's a very different virus. I guess the problem with that question is that it's assuming that flu isn't a big deal. And flu can be a very serious deal for lots of people. And the reason it's not such a big problem is because most people, you know, get the vaccine every year or they've had some exposure in the past and so they're a little bit protected.

With this one, we can assume we're all vulnerable and it ranges. People can have a really mild infection, which for some people feels like it might just be jet lag, whereas for others, it is like flu and it's taking about two weeks to recover and then for others, you're sort of two to six weeks in hospital and that's really serious.

So the two weeks you just mentioned recovery, then after that, are they still contagious? When does that sort of period end? So it looks like at the moment it's all to do with when you have symptoms. So our assumption is that once you're over it, you won't be shedding the virus anymore. There is a little bit of data that suggests that in some people that they're finding virus in their poop for a little bit afterwards.

But again, it's unclear how important that is in the spread. Wash your hands would be the thing. Again, you know, this is so new. The more we learn about it, the more cases there are, unfortunately, the more we learn about it. And then we'll be able to answer those questions a bit more definitively. How dangerous is misinformation in this game? It's huge. And actually the best thing about misinformation

is never to repeat it. So if there's something that sounds clearly, utterly ridiculous, don't say it. Because what people tend to remember is the thing you've just said, rather than everyone going, and that's not true. So if you have any of those that sound utterly ridiculous, let's just not even say them on air because we don't want people

to hear them. Okay. That's a good point. Some of them are very funny though. Some of them would make everybody laugh. I know. But then they don't, do they? They freak people out.

Well, they will make some people laugh and then they will make other people go, you're right. It's, you know, and we just need to cut that out right now so you folks can do your bit for us absolutely okay um last question is uh for i guess us we have parents sometimes that are freaking out a little bit maybe grand parents what can we say to them if they're panicking um it would be really good to talk to them about what um support they need uh i mean i've been writing a lot of stuff on the spinoff that's kind of just really like guidance. Here's your plan.

One of the things that can stop people panicking is to have a plan. So, you know, if we've got vulnerable people to say, hey, so, you know, I'm going to do everything I can to protect you. This is what I'm going to do. I'm going to stay away from you, but I'm going to keep in contact by these means. You know, if you're worried about being able to get loo roll, well, you know, let's make a plan.

I can help you with shopping. So there's lots of things we can do to calm people down, I think. I've also written a piece on how to talk to children about it because I think people need to know about it, but we just need to be really calm and measured. And also pointing to experts who are doing that rather than hyping things, you know, what we can't deny is that there could be a problem, right? Because we're seeing that in other countries. What we need to be doing is thinking about all of us,

what can we individually do to make everybody around us safe? She's the voice of reason. You always make me feel calm and informed. Microbiologist Dr. Susie Wiles, thanks for coming in. Thank you. And we'll do elbows. Elbow bumps. Elbow bumps to say thanks. Good to see you. Yeah.

Was that a high, like a high five, like a high elbow? Yes. That's good. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. It's time for... Fact of the Day, Day, Day, Day, Day. Today's fact of the day is that super glue was too sticky for its original task. Huh.

Too sticky. Didn't you stick something to you? I got it in my mouth, remember? Yeah. I got it all over my tongue. How? Because, you know how when you... You thought it was drops?

No. No, no, no. When you open it and then you close it again and then you try and open the lid again, it's stuck. So I tried to open it with my mouth and I got the lid off. But yeah, it all went in my mouth. It's good in your mouth. Well, it works very well on skin, doesn't it? Yeah.

And then you tried to get it out with a toothbrush and then that got stuck in your mouth. And then you just kept putting more and more ridiculous things in your mouth. I was like the old man, like the old woman who, what did she do? Ate a fly. The old man. Lived in a shoe? No, she lived in a shoe.

I think he ate a fly. Oh, right. Then he ate a spider to catch the fly. Right. I don't know why. He swallowed the fly. Now we're on to something. Okay.

Now we're on to something. So Superglue, in 1942, World War II, Dr. Harry Coover was trying to invent something that would stick the plastic crosshair onto a gun scope.

Oh yeah, okay. Now he wasn't trying to invent something. That's the sight. They used the hair, didn't they? Yes, the crosshair. Now the crosshair was where, when the sight was in, you'd put your enemy in the crosshair. That's where the saying comes from. He's in the sight. Yes. They used the hair, didn't they? Yes, the crosshair. Now, the crosshair was where when the sight was in, you'd put your enemy in the crosshair. That's where the saying comes from. He's in the crosshairs. Yeah.

I had no idea. Crosshair. So he needed a substance that could stick that crosshair. If you imagine trying to get superglue and stick a hair, it'd be like stuck to your finger, stuck to the things. Imagine it. Well, that's exactly actually what happened, Megan. It was too sticky for the task at hand.

And then they'd be up there trying to shoot down the enemy aircraft and there'd be a guy with his finger stuck to the gun. And you'd be like, what are you doing here? That's the best part. If you were in a plane, that would be the best place to have your finger stuck to the, you wouldn't be able to take them off. You'd have to cover your eyes.

You'd just have to be shooting the whole time. Well, it was far too sticky and it stuck to everything in the lab. They got their hands stuck together. Everything it touched, it stuck to. And so that was when cyanoacrylate was invented. That was what was very, very sticky. So it got put to the side. He's like, it's too sticky, boys.

We've got to get back to the war effort. So they found something that worked. However, it wasn't until 1956 that he was overseeing a project and he needed something very sticky and he was like, I've got just the thing. Yeah, super glue. And then was like, I've got just the thing. Yeah. Super glue. And then he tried to get the lid off.

He tried to pull the lid off. He's like, this has been shut for 16 years. Just... Out it came in his mouth. No. And he got it out and they were just like, dear God. And it was so sticky. And the next time it was used in a military sense,

was in the Vietnam War. It was actually used to glue up wounds. Yeah, if you were shot, they'd get the bullet out and then they'd super glue it up because it was in tropical conditions. Oh, God, imagine getting someone else's... Infection of the wound was so bad. Finger stuck to your hair and your scab.

Oh, yeah. Wound. And then they try to get their finger. There you go, that's all super glued. Uh oh. Left my finger on there. Just left my finger on there for just a little bit. Too long.

Hey, look over there. The wound's back open. Somebody else do it. I buggered it up the first time. So yeah, today's fact of the day is super glue was too sticky for its original today's fact of the day is Superglue was too sticky for its original task. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

Can I provide a soundtrack for what we're about to talk to? Absolutely, Vaughan. Okay, I've got a little song here. I really... Listen. The human world... This is exactly why. Under the sea...

It's one of my favourites. Because of Sebastian the crab. Yes. To see which is always greener in somebody else's lake. And flounder. You don't want to eat flounder. You don't eat flounder? You don't want to eat flounder. You don't eat flounder. He's a tropical fish.

He ate the ugly grey ones. Fair call. Or the shimmery silver ones or the bluish ones or the orange ones. Last night, Megan and Mr. Toyboy, this was on your Instagram? It still is? In your Instagram stories? Yeah, it's on my Instagram story. There's one part where you're not wearing makeup. Yeah. That freaked me out.

But I put a filter on it. You wouldn't want to see the... I see. Remember that day I saw that at the supermarket and you were in track pants? Don't say I saw that. I didn't recognise it for ages. Don't say it. She's still the same gender.

She's still a person. But you, what were you, one of these prepared, worky food boxes? Yeah, because we don't have a lot of time, so we're like, hashtag not spawn. Just getting a food box. Oh, I'm all for it. Takes the debate out of it.

Yeah, and can't be bothered. So we didn't, often we check what's in there because we don't like seafood. Blanket. Anything under the sea. Anything under the sea. And we will opt out of the fish and everything. But we forgot.

Some of them are foodies. Won't eat anything under the sea. Yeah. What's wrong with you? At least Mr. Toyboy's the same because that would be awful. Oh, yeah. Going out with someone and they didn't... Both allergic to cats.

Yeah. Both love coriander. Both hate anything under the sea It's good times But we didn't check And so prawn tacos came And we were devastated Yum

But You actually Vaughan was like Wringing my head Being like Oh you don't Don't knock it Till you try it

Kind of thing My dad's always like You should if you're too well fed Literally always said that So we were We thought That's such a dad saying. Yeah.

So we were like, we'll cook it and we'll try it. Yeah. Because it's, these bags, they know what they're doing. They make them all fancy. It had like a corn salsa thingy. God, they looked so yum. I know. So we made it and we put them on there.

I just couldn't. We ate one each and I was like, nah, I felt sick for the rest of the evening. She said she felt sick before when we talked about it. I know, because I could feel the texture in my mouth. When you bite into the prawns, they go, and they kind of explode with like juice. I was like, oh, yum. And so you and Mr. Toyboy are on your Instagram story like, oh my God, we're eating print

tacos. Like an absolute first world problem. And I'm just looking at it going, what the hell is wrong with you? Anyone was welcome to come over and had the rest of the prawns. We picked them out. Your dog can eat the prawns. No, he doesn't eat any human food because, you know,

it gives him the shit. Oh, it gives him the runny poos. Yeah. And they had like garlic on them and stuff, so garlic's not good for doggies. Yeah, so they didn't get eaten. We picked them out and we had veggie tacos. That's so, that's the saddest thing. Honestly, for the rest of the night, I could feel those little squishy little suckers sitting in my stomach.

Best tacos, go. Chicken. Pulled pork. Pulled pork tacos are pretty good. Yeah, with a slaw. Fish tacos. With a slaw. Yeah, pulled pork. You've got to have a tangy a slaw Fish tacos With a slaw Yeah pulled pork You've got to have

Mixed tacos With a hard shell Get out of here Yuck You're off the show Yuck Get out of here ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan

The podcast We want you to name Four things In four seconds I will give you a topic Name four items In four seconds That fit into that topic

And you win Easy just like that Ashley good morning. Good morning. All right. I thought this was going to be hard, but yesterday, like, hit out of the park. Like, did it in two seconds. I'm hoping I get an easy one.

It goes out the window when the seconds start ticking, though. Okay. So, Ashley, your topic today, you need to name four types of technology. Your time starts now. Laptop, phone, computer, tablet. That was easy. Wait, was that four? Laptop, phone, computer and tablet. Yeah. I guess PC and computer are different. Yeah. Yeah, I'll allow it. I'll accept it.

It was very vague. Technology was quite vague and open, wasn't it? Congratulations, Ashley. We've got a whole month's free coffee thanks to McCafe. Congratulations. You can grab yourself a delicious barista-made coffee for only $4 at McCafe

and we'll play again tomorrow with another chance to win. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Well, the most popular birthday has been revealed in New Zealand, and it is 40 weeks after Christmas. September. September 29 is the most popular birthday. I always remember at high school there was a real bubble of birthdays around there.

In September, on August, September, Facebook are always big for birthdays. Yeah. It was September, end of September, start of October. Because October 1st at our school, that was all the New Year's babies. All the R&V babies. Yeah. Was it September? January, February, March, April, June.

Is that Christmas or New Year's for conception? Yes, around Christmas. Christmas and New Year's, yeah. There's no one's doing it on Christmas. Too full. The top ten most common birthdays in New Zealand all fall between September 24 and October 4. Just all those days?

Yep, people are doing it after Christmas and New Year. Isn't that crazy? Too hot. Too hot. Yeah. Too much food going on. I've drunk too much. Bit of that.

Suppose. Yeah. As if you're giving that reaction. Oh, no, no, no. I'm just saying this is what I've heard. Oh, yeah. The least likely day to be born in New Zealand is December 25, followed by Boxing Day.

Okay. And January the 1st as well is number 363 of 366. Is that right? But how can people decide? They don't. But you might have things to do on December 25th, so your mind might be like, Oh, yeah, it's Christmas Day.

Stay in there, baby. Right. I've got to eat. Yeah. Maybe eat too much. And actually, your daughter is born Waitangi Day. Correct. She's one of the least popular birthdays as well,

ranking 362. Really? Out of 365. Very rare. And Anzac Day as well Not a popular one either Right Isn't that weird? Holidays

Yeah Because you're not like Oh we shouldn't make a baby now Because it's Anzac Day Well yeah we don't want to have to Miss the dawn service Yeah