ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan’s Podcast - 28th June 2021

Episode Date: June 27, 2021

Spenny Covid Stay  Yummy Yummy!  Top 6: Plastic Bans  Hometown Scandals  Vaughans Secondary Emergency Contact  Where's my Medal?!  ED SHEERAN!!!!!!!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Play! Zim's Fleeche Vaughan and Megan. Hello, welcome to the Fleeche Vaughan and Megan podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Download the Maccas app to get McCafe rewards today. It's like Christmas in here for Vaughan Smith, the farm fluencer. Yeah, he's got some fresh farm gear. That's a nice shirt. Yeah, this is a swan dry shirt. It's quite flush, isn't it?

It's bone. Is that the colour bone? I'd say ebony. That's black. Ebony's black. Oh, yeah. Ivory. Ivory's white. The white one, yes, but that's cream. That's like a Steve Irwin. It's khaki. Yes. Australian. No, it's not khaki.

It's khaki. It's Steve Irwin. Khaki's green. It's a creamy colour. It's like thorn. Itaki is green. It's a creamy khaki. It's like thorn. It's halfway down. I love a shirt that only buttons halfway down. Remember you've got your headphones on? You've received this box of farming goodies, and you're going to do a photo shoot on the farm.

Yeah, I've finally hit it. You've cracked it. I'm a farmfluencer. Yeah, right. And also a fashion icon now. This is comfortable. It's quite big on you, though. Yeah, it's a relaxed fit. I rollencer. Yeah, right. Okay. And also a fashion icon now. This is comfortable. It's quite big on you, though. Yeah, it's a relaxed fit.

Yeah. I'll roll up the sleeves, though. Yeah, roll up the sleeves. Make this look a bit more casual, and I'll bloody be heading down the stockyards to pick up a few bloody header hogget. You're not going to wear these into work, are you? Yeah. Why not?

They're very comfortable. Yeah, where do you want them to wear it? On the farm. They're farm clothes. You've got some gummies in there, though. They're posh gumboots, though. Posh boots. Yeah, they look like want them to wear it? On the farm. They're farm clothes. You got some gummies in there, though. They're posh gumboots, though. Posh boots. Yeah, they look like wading gumboots.

Yeah, they do look like I'm going to go fly fishing. Yeah. And there's a pair of slacks in there, some wet weather gear, too. Slacks. Look at this wet weather gear. You're not going to wear that on your little farmlet. Well, no. Here was my situation at the weekend when it was raining.

The bloody cows went through the electric fence, and I had to go and sort it out. Oh, yeah. And I didn't have sufficient wet weather gear. Oh, now you do. Now, if I'd had this, I would have come back in bone dry, but I came back in very wet at the weekend. All zips from the bottom and the top. Oh, hot.

Hot weather gear. Right. So when is this shoot happening? Well, you've just informed me that it's going to be fine for the rest of the week after this spout of rain. So I'm imagining I'm going to have to probably go out in the drizzle. And get Sade to take some photos. Look at that. What is that?

It's like an internal sleeve. Yes, it's like an internal seal for your arm. Yeah, so waves don't go up. Is that waterproof, that cuff? Yeah, it keeps the water out. Now, if me and Ludacris were going into space in a car with a rocket strapped to it, I'd put some tape around that. You literally look like you could work in Australia Zoo.

Alright guys, croc feeding in ten. If everybody wants to meet us down there, we're going to chuck some bloody chooks into the big salties. You should get your name printed on that pocket. Born. Look! A hole for a pen.

No, take the nib, unclick it. Oh, there you go. Wow, that's something else, isn't it? You almost drew on your new shirt. Got a pen there. I'm ready to go. You put your rollies in this pocket? Yeah.

Love it. ZM. Pen music lives here. Fleece Fawn and Megan, the podcast. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Happy Monday. Happy Ed Sheeran's on the show day. Yeah.

Ed Sheeran zooms in with us just after the news at eight. Now, will that be on the same date every year or is it more on the lunar calendar? No, it's every Monday, the 28th of June. Well, no. It's either the last Monday of June or the 28th of June. No, it's every Monday, the 28th of June. Well, no. It's either the last Monday of June or the 28th of June. No, it's every Monday, the 28th of June. Okay, so that's not going to happen again for seven years. Yeah, so it's like an eclipse.

Okay. An edge here, an eclipse. Okay. It's all right. So, yeah, 8 o'clock. Chances to win cash this morning on the show as well. Don't forget that big clue that we gave you on Friday. The word is in the trailer

for Marvel Studios' Black Widow. So people all weekend have been poring over that. It's a four-digit pin, but it spells a four-digit word, and we know that there is a seven in there. So that is a huge clue. Your chances this morning at seven and at eight o'clock, we could

end up milking the cows. Yeah, we could. My parents are in Australia and the travel bubble has popped. And they would due back a week from today. But that might not happen. They were in Northern Territory, weren't they? They were in the good part. So they got out of Western Australia they're well into

the Northern Territory and they're like well now that we're here this is the place in Australia that hasn't had a single COVID scare or case. Nothing's come close.

They've never had any sort of lockdown apart from not being able to travel to other states. And so we're sweet. And then they got into a pub and the pub's like

we're shutting in a quarter of an hour because someone from Alice Springs who had COVID came to Darwin. And mum and dad were like, you're shitting me. So I got a call from them yesterday where they were doing that thing where they were like trying not to panic,

but you could tell there was a little bit of panic setting in. So what are they just in their camper van driving away the other way? Well, no, they're kind of just out, just in a caravan park. Oh. Just living there in the camper van. It's so romantic that your parents can just park up in a camper and just goavan park. Oh. Just living there in the camper van. It's so romantic that your parents can just park up in a camper and just go at it. Yeah. On a coastal Australian beach in the middle of nowhere.

You've been arguing about whose idea it was to go on the holiday in COVID times, because that's probably going to happen at some stage in the next two weeks in that camper van. But yeah, all else failing, strap on the red bands, because we'll need a broadcast live from the farmers. Carving season begins. And the farmer is stuck overseas. Oh, no. Not carving. No, no, no.

Surely your dad will be able to get home in two weeks. How? If the bubble stays shut for a bit, even if they go into managed isolation. Sydney's screwed today. Sydney's bad. They mucked around there. And all it takes is one person to go to these different spots. I mean, God, touch wood.

We're still waiting on, like, to be totally out of the clear for the Wellington visit. Yeah. Not weekend gone weekend before. Testing over Wellington was a little bit weak. Numbers were quite low. So if you've got any kind of symptoms, make sure you get tested.

Get a swab of the schnoz. ASAP for that. But yeah, still on level two for a couple of days in Wellington. Coming up on the show, the top six.

Yeah, yesterday it was further announced what types of plastic are going to be banned in New Zealand over the coming years. By 2025, most of our food-related plastics

will be next. Gone, yeah. So I've got the top six plastics that'll be gone in their top six possible alternatives. Oh, nice. Okay, next on the show, though, somebody has shared their bill in America for four months in hospital because of COVID.

Have a guess how much you think four months in America because you've got COVID would cost you. Hundreds of thousands. I'm guessing all of it. Flesh, fauna, Megan. The podcast. ZM. Somebody in the United States has shared a list of,

now I don't think this is a bill because this is likely taken care of by their health insurance in America. So they've been in hospital for four months due to COVID and they received an itemised list of all the care and expenses. What do you think? Oh my God. Four months. Because you always hear of someone like pre-COVID,

went to America, broke their leg, they didn't have insurance and they were like $250,000 please. And you're like, what? Okay, so more than that. Yeah, because I know someone that was in a Canadian hospital for like two days and that was just like a broken arm. So no respiratory respirators or anything. How much was that?

That was like $20,000 Canadian dollars. Yeah, right. And bear in mind, this was four months. Like a million? Let's go $20,000 in times four months. So what's that? $120,000. No four months. So what's that? 120. No, it's more than that. 2 million,

200, 2.4 million. $2.8 million. Jesus. For four months in hospital due to COVID. So this was shared on TikTok by, let's talk about business, the account.

This was the bill one person faced. It include itemized list of charges, talked by Let's Talk About Business, the account. This was the bill one person faced. It include itemised list of charges like $550,000 for respiratory therapy. That's $400,000 to cover immediate ICU care. $324,000 for an ICU charge. $350,000 worth of lab charges. Wait, is this an American that got the bill or was it someone from overseas who happened

to be in America when it hit? American, but it's their insurance taking care of it. Right. So if you didn't have insurance, there's no way you're paying this. They probably wouldn't even let you in the door if you didn't have insurance. Just chuck you out in the car park. Is this how much it actually costs or are they like

rounding up? No, they've totally got to be ramping it up because they know insurance is covering it, right? Yeah, the whole system's screwed. Which in turn makes insurance people charge way more for premiums. That's nuts. Yeah, but they don't want free healthcare. Because that's communist.

$397,000 charge for non-sterile medical and surgical supplies. And the list is insane. Just all of it. It's just bizarre. Wow. That's thousands of dollars. Yeah.

That's mind-blowing. Described here as America is truly a third world country in a Gucci belt. That is so true. That is so true. Very accurate. So true. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. What do you think are the best years of your life?

And it can be you think they're coming or you think you're in them or you think you've had them. Hmm. 20s, 30s? Late 20s, early 30s? Early 30s. Early 30s. Mid 30s. 30s was your bests, early 30s? Early 30s. Early 30s.

Mid 30s. 30s was your best. 30s. Yeah, I think so. And then, I don't know, like imagine when you're retired and you can just like... YOLO. Yeah, but then also you... Yeah.

Oh, you've probably got a sore back. Yeah. Your body's not the same state. Your body's not the same. Yeah. Yeah. So a poll was done on Americans and asked them the best years of their life. And you'd think it would be 20s

And a lot of people did say in their 20s So they have found that 24% do believe that your 20s represent the best years of your life About 23% said their 30s are actually their best years But it does vary on how old you are when you So it shifts by age Depending on how old you are when they ask you this question. Yeah, right.

And a lot of people say the decade they're in. So if you're in your 30s, you say that your 30s is your best year. If you're in your 40s, you say the 40s. But when you get older, a lot of people go back to saying they're 30s to 39 years old. Really? Okay. So 30s the best. Yeah.

In your 30s it seems to be. That would be when you do like a lot of life stuff. Yeah. But I thought it was kind of nice that people say the decade they're currently in because it means that, you know, like it's getting better and better. And you're enjoying life as you go along. But then it's all downhill. I mean, it gets to a point.

It's downhill. It does get to, oh, 40, does it? Downhill. I don't know. This is what, just going from the data. Well, not if you're in your 40s. No, because if you're in your 40s. You're loving it.

Yeah, 25% of the most say that that's the best decade of their life. Yeah. Yeah, right. Oh, good. And then there's people in their 60s had it on par with being in your 20s. Yeah, right. Your their life. Yeah. Yeah, right. Oh, good. And then there's people in their 60s had it on par with being in your 20s. Yeah, right. Yeah.

The 30s were better for them. And then 70-year-olds like being in their 40s, so it's not all over. It's great. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Funnily enough While looking for the link to this item

I actually scrolled past some of the guests We're going to talk about At 25 minutes past 7 Approximately To do with dieting Yeah But you know what This thing I'm about to tell you

You could get it through that Your dieting device You reckon Yeah I reckon you know what? This thing I'm about to tell you, you could get it through that. Your dieting device. You reckon. Yeah, I reckon you totally could. The new featured item on Yummy Yummy is a caramel ice cream on a stick. So think your Memphis Meltdowns, your Magnums. What's the ice cream in it? Is it just vanilla?

It's caramel. It's caramel. It's caramel what's the ice cream in it? Is it just vanilla? It's caramilk. It's caramilk. It's caramilk flavoured ice cream encased in caramilk chocolate casing. It's a double caramilk. For everyone that was like, I've had caramilk in chocolate form, I've had caramilk cookies. Because they brought out everything. They brought out those, brought out those. Chocolate chips.

Yeah, the baking. Oh, yum. To make actual caramilk. I woke up to this in my inbox three times this morning. Oh, really? People know I am synonymous with caramel. Expect you are. You are sort of a caramel aficionado.

Yeah, ambassador. Does that mean it's going to eventuate into a tub? Well, and this was in Australia, right? Yes. The Australian sites were sharing this, but that always means we're about to get it. But it's already been in the US. I've already had it.

Yeah, who knew? Because I Googled it. MadeWithNestle.ca owned the Wrights to Cadbury distribution. Well, everywhere, I'm imagining. But the Caramel Frozen Dess frozen dessert bars are in Walmart. Walmart, you can get caramel frozen dessert bars. But the packaging looks different.

It's not the traditional Cadbury purple that we have here in Australia. Yeah, so it's on a stick. And looks about the average size of a sticked ice cream. Not an ice block, a bit bigger. Like I said before, imagine you're giving Memphis meltdowns. Yeah, okay. And caramilk ice cream encased in caramilk. Was that an affordable dribble?

Just a little salivating there, just a little bit. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. 65% of office workers have had a relationship with someone at work. 65%. That is a lot, eh? That's office workers, remember, before you start looking at your partner sideways. We work in an office. Yeah, technically, yeah. No, yuck. Oh, yuck, yeah. No, yuck. Yuck, nah.

No offence, but I can't think of anyone right now that... In the whole building? Nah. Oh, come on. Use your imagination. I'm just saying there's thousands of people that work here. There must be some zaddy upstairs that gets you going and the power of management.

What about the legal zaddies on level five? Nah, not for you. What about the police zaddies that come and go and see the legal zaddies? They don't work here, though. Level five. They're just visiting. Just visiting, yeah.

And also the uniform puts them up a couple of notches. What about the zaddy with the keys to everything? Well, that's the person in power. He's got the keys to every bloody door in this building. Does that get you? No, no, but there were some ladies that really liked the amenities that he had, right? He's got keys to everywhere. Yeah.

Okay. That's a powerful position. Yeah, right. Well, 65% of office workers apparently is the number of people having affairs, but only 19% admitted that they were the ones having the affair. The rest are saying they knew about someone else in this study. Oh, so it could have just been workplace gossip. Well, I mean, yeah, it could have been.

But apparently the reason it's so common is because people are working towards like a shared purpose and they're in close proximity to each other so that can push people together. But the main reason is that you decompartmentalise is that the word? So you can separate work from home life and everything to do with your personal life so much so that

you're like you just kind of put that side of you as part of work and you can leave the affair at the door when you go home. So they can absolutely compartmentalise their lives. So it's not cheating because they're at work. And you can leave your partner, you can see them at work, do everything you need to do, especially if you travel a lot.

That's fair enough because you think about people who still take smoke breaks. Like if they take three of those a day and each one 50 minutes, that's three quarters of an hour that non-smokers should be allowed to have sex with someone in the office. You know, I'm just thinking about like fair use of time. Yeah, right. Fair use of your breaks. Yeah. This is slightly

different, but yesterday I said, oh, we need some more printer paper and Sade purchased some. I was like, no, no, no, no. We steal that from work. She came home with a ream of A4 paper. I was like, no, no, no, no. We steal that from work. She came home with a ream of A4 paper. I was like, oh, darling, no, no, no. We steal that from work. Yeah, how did you get onto stealing from having an affair at work?

Well, being able to compartmentalise. Like I can steal from here and take it home and not like care about the fact that I stole it from work. And not feel bad. I don't feel bad about that. So I see how you do something that's considered bad in one area but then go home and it's not. I thought you were saying it was like sexy because she was like your office worker. You were like sharing stationery and stuff.

No, it's pissed off because it's like money and we didn't need to spend it. It's like $7. It's $7, Vaughn. Yeah. Wait, we have to do that? Is that how much a ream of paper costs? I have no idea. If we have to do that.

If we have to do that. I don't know because I always steal it from water. Exactly. Flesh, fauna, Megan. The podcast. ZM. From the yummy ZM think tank. This is the top six.

Yes, good morning. The top six plastics will be banned by 2025 and their alternatives announced yesterday by the government. This is mostly in the food industry at this stage. Okay. People saying, yes, well done. But what about outside of the food industry where there's all this other plastic being unnecessarily used? Yeah, like ball pits.

Pardon? Ball pits. You want non-plastic ball pits. Yeah, and plastic slides. How long do they take to break down? Oh, a long time. Yeah, kids should be going on wooden slides. And wooden ball pits.

Stainless steel slides. Exactly. They breed tough children. And petanque balls in the ball pits. Steel balls. Yes. I can't see a problem here. At all.

You're welcome, environment. Yep. You're most welcome. The top six plastics that'll be banned by 2025 and there are alternatives you can start using today. Number six, PVC meat trays are going to be banned soon. They're those meat trays that you, sometimes you'll like flip the mints,

you'll slide the mints straight off into the pan and then you realise that you've also slipped in the mints pad at the bottom. The mints sanitary pad. Yes, and then you're like, what's that smell? That smells plastic-y and you're like, the mince pad at the bottom. The mince pad. The mince sanitary pad. Yes. And then you're like, what's that smell? Why is my mince smell?

That smells plastic and you're like, uh-oh, and you flip it over and yeah, the mince pads burnt onto your Teflon. Mince pad.

We've all done the mince pad. Yeah. So those are going to be banned but instead, why not use a bit of bloody butcher's paper, mate? Go back to the old ways. Wrap your meat

in a bit of bloody butcher's paper. How will they sell those the old ways. Wrap your meat in a bit of bloody butcher's paper. How will they sell those? It's like a wax. Oh, I don't know, but this butcher's paper is awesome. It's like a waxed paper. Okay. But it doesn't last forever. But if you're buying a thing of mints, it's going to look a bit.

But the mints gets put in there. Oh, so you have to buy it at the deli, your mints. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It stops the plastic wrap over the top too. Completely unnecessary, that. Or you could take your own containers. But then if you're leaving work and you're like, I'll just get some mints,

and you don't have your containers, you might be screwed. But then so you'll have three drawers at home full of systemas and click clacks and all Tupperware. And then the boot of your car's also going to be another Tupperware drawer. You're going to have them everywhere. Which is all still plastic.

Yeah. Number five on the list of the top six plastics that will be banned by 2025 and the alternatives you can start using today are wet wipes are going to be banned because they don't break down. And people flush them too and that's naughty. One of the biggest problems for sewage is wet wipes. Well, their alternative you can start using right away, ever spat on a hanky?

Yeah. Ever seen an old person lick a hanky? Even the thought of how dry a hanky would be to lick would be like, yeah.

So spit on it and then wipe your ass with it. That's crazy charming. Basically what everyone's using wet wipes for, right? Good.

And then burn the hanky. Number four on the list of the top six alternatives. Plastics will be banned by the 2025 and there are alternatives you can start using today. Plastic cutlery is going to be banned.

So like single-use plastic cutlery, which I thought had already gone by the wayside, but you get that stuff that's compostable. So you can use compostable knife and forks. Yes, alternatives still are right,

but not plastic. The alternative you can start using today, Swiss army knife that splits in two and hasable knife and forks. Yes, alternatives still are right, but not plastic. The alternative you can start using today, Swiss Army knife that splits in two and has a knife and a fork and a spoon on the same one as the knife because you'll always use a fork with a spoon, but very rarely do you use a spoon knife combo. But if you've only got one Swiss Army knife and you need to cut your meat,

then you've got to flick open the fork. No, this one comes apart in the middle. Oh, okay. So you have fork on one side, knife on the other. Keep that in the purse or the pocket and you've got your self cutlery on hand all the time. No need for plastics. Number three on the list of the top six plastics that'll be banned by

2025 and their alternative is cotton buds. I saw this. Two tips. Cotton buds are going to be banned. So you can't dig around in your ear with those, but if you want an alternative you can start using today. look no further than my grandfather, who famously used matches to clean out his ears. Oh, yeah.

And the non-lighting end of the match. So the sharp, wooden, sticky end. And he wouldn't tell Nan, and he'd just pop them back in the matchbox, and then when she would go to light something, you'd hear her screaming, be like, Alan, I told you to stop picking your ears with the latches. A classic gag, and those long barbecue ones work extra well. Oh, yeah, I told you to stop picking your ears with the latches. A classic gag

and those long barbecue ones work extra well. Oh yeah, get right in the ear. I will now say disclaimer from

the show, don't put anything in your ear. No. Nothing should go in your ear that's smaller than your elbow.

But my elbow can't fit in my ear. I think that's the whole point. Number two on the list of the top six plastics

that will be banned by 2025 and there are alternatives. Straws are going to be banned. Pl. Straws are going to be banned. Plastic straws are going to be banned. Here's the alternative you can start using today. Your goddamn lips.

Put your lips on the cup. You don't even need a straw. Most places are doing paper, cardboard straws anyway, aren't they? Yeah. But you've got to be quick. You've got to be quick or they'll solve up. Otherwise you get a soggy straw. Yeah.

Better than other straw that will last for a thousand years. That's true. And number one on the list of the top six plastics that will be banned by 2025 are the alternatives you can start using today. Fruit labels. The little stickers that go on fruit. The plastic ones are those that are going to be banned. The alternative you can start using today,

just write the PLU number on them with a vivid. With a vivid. God. Maybe eat around that part of the skin. Yeah. Probably not good to eat. That is today's top six. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast.

And the only live Zoom interview with Ed Sheeran is coming up just after 8 o'clock on the show. Very excited about this. It's a brand new single as well. We'll play that for you. If you haven't heard it. the show. Very excited about this. It's a brand new single as well. We'll play that for you. Carmen from the social media desk brought to our over 30 years of age eyes

a TikTok. Okay. Because if you're over 30, you probably shouldn't be TikToking. No, you can look. Just produce, like, making TikToks. Yeah, nah, cool, cool. Cool, Grandma. Tell us about the thing you saw on TikTok. Yeah, that's a cool story. Here's my impression of a 20-year-old being told anything by someone over 30 about thing you saw on TikTok. Yeah, that's a cool story. Here's my impression of a 20 year old being told anything

by someone over 30 about something they saw on TikTok. Oh my god, I wish they would shut up. Oh my god, do they know that this is not their social media? Just stick to Instagram, grandma. Tell us about the days of Myspace, you old bitch. You just can't have a TikTok account if you're over 30 and make TikToks.

I know, anonymously creeping on other people's TikToks. Way better. Are you just scrolling through other TikToks? Oh, yeah. Is that Chuggy, Carwin? It's so Chuggy. Am I allowed? No, she's so Chuggy.

She's being nice. Remember when she called you a country road Chuggy? She called you a country road jumper Chuggy last week. Fight! Strike, Carlin! Strike! Everyone can look at TikTok and enjoy it. That's passive aggressive zennial stuff right there. It did feel patronising.

She's like, oh yeah, you know you enjoy yourself on the internet. It's fun out there. Carlin showed us this TikTok of this woman with an annoyingly small microphone, which is apparently a thing. Oh, my God. It drives me out the bloody wall.

Just the quality of it sucks. Get a decent-sized microphone. You hate it. I hate it. It's that holding it like this, and they're like, here's an astute observation I've made. You just don't appreciate the mic quality. Is it the quality or is it the mic technique?

I don't know if it is. It's both. I don't know. Horrible. But this young lady was asking people about their hometown scandals. She's, look, no, everyone's like, oh, my God. We do it every day. We ask for you for your stories every day.

No one's giving us a bloody middle. Call me old fashioned, but I was just turning up for work back in the day. So now that I've made myself Certainly sound older than my years And grumpy and a burma Which I'm happy with and I'm happy to stand by these opinions She asked people What their hometown scandals were

Not so much living in a big city But when you're from a small town I'm from a small town When something happens in a small town It gets around Most of us in the scheme when you're from a small town, I'm from a small town, when something happens in a small town, it hits. It gets around. Oh God, it gets around. I think most of us in the scheme of things are from a small town. Even Auckland. Auckland has small towns within. It's so

small. But it's more, those are smaller neighbourhoods. Yeah, the suburbs that you live in, that maybe, yeah, everybody knows each other in those areas. But it's less likely in a big city, because when it happens in a small town, it doesn't even need to be that scandalous. But a small town, like, fiends to know what everybody else is up to. So we thought we'd just blatantly steal this little microphone lady's topic today.

Oh, absolutely. It's not like you're a lady. It's weird. What would I push at female? This young female's small microphone story. About your hometown scandals. Yeah. No names, though.

We don't want names. Tell you what, you don't even have to tell us the town. No. Because you could ring up and be like, this happened in Martin. And everyone's like, oh, God, there's only 10 people there. Everyone's going to know what this is about. So you don't even need to say what the small town was, but just something that set the small town gossip pounds alight.

It's so small. Everyone knows everyone. 0800-DARLS-AT-M. Give us a call. You can text in as well, 9696, so we can keep it anonymous as well. What was the scandal in your hometown? We're talking about your small town scandals. The things that set alight, the gossip hounds of your town where you grew up.

Small towns. If you've got one, you can text 9696 0800 1000 M. Word gets around the small towns. Oh, yes. We had some responses on our Instagram poll. We asked if anybody had any small town scandal. This is from overseas. The ice hockey team all got COVID and their activities

led to the infection that spread through the high schools. You never want to be the head of a cluster. No. And getting disgusted on the one o'clock briefing. A Russian pornographic film was filmed in the churchyard of the village I grew up in. That really set the local...

Yeah. Because people are... This is British, this message, this response we got on the gram. British people, very protective over there. Villages and... Yeah. Everything, eh? Like their little councils get very passionate.

But also, who brought that to the locals' attention? Somebody, I found this online. I have been sent a film. I certainly didn't search it out myself or stumble across it while frequenting my favourite site. No. Anonymous. No names or places, but what was the small town scandal? In a nutshell, when we were at high school, there was a

student teacher who was taking our class and my friend started seeing her and so they kind of got together. It all sort of blew up and she stopped teaching for a while, but now, like 10 years later, they're

engaged with three kids and they are both teachers. Oh, wow. Wow. Okay. So it kind of blew up, but the student teacher didn't get in trouble. Because you would have lost your job, right? She was kind of asked to leave. Politely.

Right, okay. Asked to pack her pencils. Do you think she left that off the CV at the next job? I would have. You can't lose your license if you're not qualified yet. Right? You can't lose what you don't have, is effectively what you're saying. Yeah, true.

I'm not qualified yet. Thank you. Another anonymous caller. What was the small town scandal? Basically, when I was at primary school, we live in a very small town, by the way. Okay. Yeah, don't say that. So this is big news.

Yeah, don't say the town name I really want to, but I'll keep it private because everyone knows Okay One of my friend at primary schools Her mum had found out that her dad was cheating on her And she just stabbed him in a fit of rage Wow And I can remember thinking like, wow, she must have been very mad.

Yes. In a small town, so everyone would have known. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, I just walked into a pitchfork. Wow. Yeah, they divorced after that, so I don't know. Yeah, no, that's fair.

Okay, good. All right, anonymous. You can also divorce your partner without stabbing them, just for anybody listening. Stu, what was the small-town scandal? Oh, so I'm from a very small town in England, and a nuclear bunker was sold off in the 80s and turned into a wacky-backy farm.

Wow. And nobody knew at the time? No, no, no. I found out when I moved away. It hit me before it hit my mum back in England. Found out before my mum. Wow. And so how did they get how long was this going on for? Oh, years, years. And they were getting more in trouble for bringing people in from overseas to grow it for them. Right, so the immigration was what

took them down. Yeah, to an extent, yeah, yeah. They got more of a slap on the hand for it. Yeah, I guess they wouldn't really question your power bill either at a former nuclear bunker. You'd just be like, well, I guess that's how much power a nuclear bunker uses. Yeah. Well, I think the neighbouring village thought

there was a bit of a funny smell in the air. When they cranked up the extractor fans. I think that's what caught them out in the end. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Wow. Brilliant. Amazing. Stewie, thanks for your call.

Some messages in. Someone said, I was living in Canada at the time. And obviously, being from New Zealand, lots of Canadians had questions. Whereabouts in New Zealand are you from? And I'd say I'm from Invercargill, because everyone knows about Auckland and Wellington, but they don't know about Invercargill.

And I was like, I'm Invercargill. Invercargill, Invercargill. And I was like, I'm Invercargill, Invercargill, Invercargill. Then the story about the person who was known as the serial shitter in a series of Invercargill public pools made international headlines. And I immediately regretted being so loud and proudly Invercargillian. And didn't they get up to Queenstown and poop in the pool there? There was a Queenstown poop, yeah. Do you know what?

They've got away with that. They've never been caught, have they? I don't believe so. But like a serial murderer, because I watch a lot of these true crime shows, they always, they have the fiend for it. They'll start popping up. They'll come back.

They'll come back for another poo, you say? See, I reckon that could be a Netflix show. Yeah. The pooper. The serial pooper, like the hunt for them. All right, we'll finish up. Anonymous, what was the small town scandal? My uncle was a fireman in a small town.

Yeah. And got a call out, went to the call out, walked upstairs, and everything was set up for like a full-on porn, porno studio. Okay. So what's the call out? I don't know. They just wanted some firemen in the...

They needed to borrow a uniform for the set up. They just needed a shot of a few of them coming through the door and then they could just edit the rest to make it look like this.

So this was a small town so they were just like, uh-oh. Well, everybody would have known because, yeah. Wait, now, were the stars of aforementioned adult films locals as well or were they coming in from out of town? Because they might just be looking for a cheap space, you know, cheap. Oh, no.

No, it would have been a sports house, so they might have been trying to earn some extra money. Yeah, right. Okay. Brilliant. Anonymous. Thanks to your call. 722 next on the show.

A weight loss device invented here in New Zealand that Fletch and I both saw on the news and assumed they'd been tricked. But it's legit. Fletch, Fawn and Megan. The podcast. ZM. It was a device on the news last night invented here in New Zealand and perfected over the last five years at Otago University.

And I was kind of half watching the news and I was like, what is that for? And Sade said it's to keep people's mouths shut so they can't eat. I was like, I thought it was braces. I had to check the date that it wasn't the 1st of April or some kind of

satirical news program that I'd accidentally switched on but it wasn't, it was the six o'clock news. So let me tell you about this device. This is mad. Called the Dental Slim Diet Control. Again, developed and perfected over the last five years

at the Otago University. One of the most respected universities in New Zealand and especially in the medical field. Like if you're going to study to be a doctor, you go and you learn exactly how to mistreat your body for five years in Dunedin and then you become a doctor.

So effectively, you get it implanted on your teeth, you get it attached to your teeth, and then when you shut your mouth, you can't open it again. It sounds like a torture device. It's magnets, right? It's magnets. So they're like these braces on either side of your back. They're little clips. It clicks around your molars. Just like if you had braces, yeah, little clips. It goes around the molars, clicks

on, one on the top, one on the bottom, and one on each side. So there's four pieces to it. One on top, bottom, each side. Then when you shut your mouth, the magnet shuts. And it holds your mouth shut. But you've got a couple of mils. It can open up to two mils which is enough to drink through. How hard is it? I'm just going to try drinking. With your teeth shut?

Because I always drink when you drink you open your mouth like a couple of centimetres and I'm going to try to drink with my mouth. That's still going through right? Yeah.

And I suppose if you're drinking like a shake or whatever you can put a straw between your lips and it would go around the back of your teeth. There's a bit of gap around the back of your teeth. Oh, wow. But it would have to be like completely smooth. How do you brush the insides of your teeth?

Well, I guess you just mouthwash. And you brush the front and you just... So this just isn't for everybody. This is for people who need to lose weight. A lot of people who need to lose weight. A lot of weight quickly for operations and stuff. So there's patients who can't have a general anesthetic because of their weight.

So there's certain surgeries that require you to lose weight before you can have the surgeries. But how this is like a torture. It's quite full on. It's going to wire your teeth shut So you can't eat Because you're too fat Magnetising your teeth shut It's exactly like

Wiring the jaw Without the intensity Of wiring the jaw It just clips onto your teeth And then it holds your mouth shut I'm worried I'm worried it would Pull my tooth out

Because I would be so I will eat this sausage roll You'd see a You'd see a A chocolate bar Where you just You'd just open it up. But they were saying that patients lost like four kgs.

Yeah. So that would enable them to then be able to, in some cases, have surgery. The seven patients who had tested the latest generation of it, on average lost six kgs over two weeks, which equated to 5% of their body weight. And they needed to lose that so the general anesthetic would work. Very much a short-term thing. Yeah. Specifically for

those patients. No, I'm going to do 5-2. I'm going to do the 5-2 diet, except it's wiring my mouth shut for five days, taking them off, or just turning off the magnets. See, I've got a really nice blender. I reckon I could blend all my favourite foods and then just drink it through a straw like a butter chicken.

Oh, no. Just don't. Burgers. I reckon I could blend a Big Mac, get that through. I don't know how it would taste. No, it doesn't. That's the general rule. When you blend something, it completely changes the taste of it as well.

But yeah, if you saw that on the news last night, we were only half watching. It wasn't braces. They were straight up magnetising people's jaw shut. It's a wild device. I couldn't believe it. ZM's Fleshborn and Megan. Play ZM.

I was filling out some medical forms yesterday. If you didn't hear a while back, I had a colonoscopy. It didn't go well because the painkiller didn't kill the pain and I felt a lot of it. Yeah. So you have to go again. Yeah. Yeah, I have to go again. And this time apparently I get the drug that killed Michael Jackson. Oh, okay.

I get the drug. I get the drug. I get the drug that killed Michael Jackson. Yeah, but it will be administered by an anesthesiologist professional, not a dodgy physician. Okay, good. Which was what his problem was apparently. Yeah.

But I had to fill out a whole lot of forms. I'm pretty sure I'd filled out the forms before, but hey, the public health system. And in there it asked for me to put in two emergency contacts. So, of course, number one, my wife. Yeah. My loving wife. But then it asked me for another one, but the stipulation was they can't live.

With you. With you. Oh, okay. And my parents are out of the country at the moment and kind of might be stuck in Australia for a while. And that's a whole situation in itself. And this might happen in the next couple of weeks. So I was like, well, who do I put? It's an inconvenience to us, isn't it?

Well, it's going to be more of an inconvenience to you because you made the cup. You are, bitch, please. You didn't even cross my mind. You don't answer your phone. You don't answer your phone. You don't answer your phone. It would be ringing. They'd be like, hello, we can't get hold of his wife.

He's bleeding profusely. Oh, it's a voicemail. No, just write down on the form, text her. Text her. You like you check your texts. Whatever you do, you're going to have to go around and kick down her door because she won't answer her door if someone knocks on it either. Megan misses all the good goss in the group chat,

and you reply to messages three days later. That's not the etiquette. At least I reply. I sent you some juicy gossip on a Friday, and then on a Monday we were at work and we went to the kitchen to get coffee, and you replied to the text message. I was literally looking at your face two seconds ago.

You would be the last person I would put. You'd be the worst as your emergency contact. Your husband would be a fool to put you down as his emergency contact. No, I'm never his. His mother would be, she would answer the phone. Yeah. So you wouldn't even, you didn't even make the grade.

I don't know how he's going to get there on us. He's going to dub you home on his bike. I feel honoured. I feel honoured. You'll be recovering from your anaesthetic like, on the back of his bike. Doubling on the handlebars. No, I'll be on the back.

I'll be on the handlebars with a Fanta and some fish and chips. We're off to cause some shenanigans down the skate park. While I'm high on propofol. No, I could easily arrange a car that could easily be done in an emergency. Because you do the city hop,

but then you might need to get a city hop van because I might need to lie down in the back. And those other ones that got those Hyundai i30s or those Yaris's, they aren't roomy. Is there a soilage fee on those? Yeah, there is actually. Like if he shits himself with a backseat or something. I'll be paying for that. And an adult nap.

Sure do. Do the courtesy of trucking me in a nap. What else do I have to do as your emergency contact? I don't know. The main reason why I know your phone number off the top of my head and I knew your address, that was the two things I needed. So you were like, I'll do. So I was like, yeah, you'll do.

What an honour. Don't let me down. I might just get them to call you. I'll be like, no, my wife's busy. Call the guy. But what if they're like, shall we resuscitate him? Nah, do not resuscitate.

I've got the tattoo on my chest. It's pretty straightforward. Do not resuscitate. You've got a DN my chest It's pretty straightforward Do not resuscitate You've got a DNR Yeah yeah yeah Absolutely They're like Oh no nothing's wrong with him

No no he's He didn't want to He didn't want to be resuscitated It's a small blip Don't resuscitate him That's what the tattoo says DNR baby DNR

You've left me in charge Yeah No that sounds fantastic I am here I am on standby Emergency contact And then if I get it. You've left me in charge. Yeah. No, that sounds fantastic. I am here. I am on standby. Emergency contact. And then if I get to bring home some propofol, do you want to get Michael Jackson on it?

Absolutely not. Just the drugs part. Oh, right. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Stepping up to the podium for the 10th year of Nero. Your gold medalist. Where's my medal? stepping up to the podium for the 10th year in a row. Your gold medalist. Where's my medal?

Yes, where's my medal? Maybe you did something and you were expecting a standing ovation for your small effort of something that probably could have been done before, but you were putting it off. Yeah, you wanted to be heaped with praise. It just didn't come. Well, let us heap you with praise. All right, joining us this morning, contestant Rebecca, good morning.

Morning. Now, what did you do that you didn't get the praise that you thought you should? I took grass clippings to the dump that had been kind of rotting in my garage for about a week, and it had all those little black, disgusting bugs flying around.

Now, why did you put the brass clippings in the garage? My partner was supposed to get rid of them and he kept putting it off, so I just got sick of it and could smell them from the garage as I was walking past. You just get a compost bin. Or you just walk down the road and dump them over a neighbour's face. Yes, classic. So after you took them to the dump, did your partner hear all about it?

A little bit, yeah. But he didn't give you the praise? No. No, not what was deserved. Did you pull up to that little dump weighbridge station thing and be like, just green waste today, mate? Yeah. I don't even know what that is, but okay.

Green waste is you can dump it for free and they just like compost it. Oh, can you? It's got to tick all the boxes. It can't be like weeds and stuff. Do they check? Because can I just dump some stuff and say it's green? Well, I mean. What do you want to hide in grass clippings?

No, I just don't want to pay. No. Oh, you can't. Please don't make him mulch for the council gardens. All right, Rebecca, wait there. Our middle ceremony minutes away. Chelsea, what did you not get the credit for? Well, the Wellington Marathon was cancelled because of COVID,

so I still ran the 10K and didn't get a medal for it. Oh, Chelsea! How did you do for time? One hour, six minutes. Oh, good stuff. Cool, cool, cool. Honking. Did you do it in a mask?

No. Well, I guess there's no one around. No, we don't need to wear... I did it on the treadmill at the gym, so... Oh, you did a 10K on a treadmill? I know. Well, I still wanted to. I've been training for ages, and when it was cancelled, I was absolutely gutted, so I thought, you know what, I'm just going to do it anyway.

10K on a treadmill's way better because you can watch Netflix. Yeah. 10K on a treadmill, it better because you can watch Netflix. Yeah. Ten-counter treadmill, it's also easier on the knees than the hard footpath and the camber of the road is a bit rough on the hips. And no wind around the bays. You don't get your free sips of Powerade on the way like you do. You could have had a Powerade on the side.

You should have just got a few cups of Powerade and got your friend just to pass them to you. See, didn't you rant? Keep refilling. 10 Ks, no stops. Yeah. Wow. Well done.

That's incredible. All right, Chelsea, wait there. Roxanne, why do you deserve a medal? What did you not get credit for? Oh, well, so I have been driving around for about a month and a half, frosty mornings and sun-stricken evenings, but just last week I took it upon myself to finally stop at the petrol

station a little longer, pop that bonnet and fill up that windshield. Oh, yes! That's a son of a gun, isn't it? The old squirter. When that runs out and you're like, oh, damn it. Nothing worse than a dry squirt. Every time.

And then I'd be hoping for the back spray from someone else on the motorway. Yes. Or just a shower. Or some rain or a bit of rain. Yeah. That's a gift, eh, when you're driving and you do your little squirt, but it's like. Or you just hear the motor go.

Yeah. Or you're hoping for just like that little one, little wee spit out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The good stuff. Yeah, you're finally, okay, windscreen. All right, the judges will now confer the medal ceremony for gold, silver, and bronze. I hope the judges have got their reading glasses on them

because I had to go for a smaller piece of paper today. For the, I was thinking it would go like this. Judge is happy with just conferring with my fellow adjudicators? Yes, absolutely. Okay, well today's bronze medal

for services to their own garage and getting stinky rotting grass out of it. Congratulations to Rebecca. Yay! Congratulations, Rebecca. Well done. Huge praise, huge praise. He doesn't know how lucky he is, that partner of yours.

Next, silver medal, because even though the government said all that training for nothing, the Wellington Marathon's cancelled, she strapped on those shoes and she went down to the gym and she ran 10km on the treadmill while watching something on YouTube. Chelsea, congratulations on your silver medal. Thank you. Congratulations. And just a great personal accomplishment. Yes, thank you.

Keep going. And that must mean there can only be one gold medal. Victor. She'd been driving around with a... Squeak. Dry. Nothing in the squirter. She filled it up

And next time she might even put some Bug Off in there Oh yeah Oh never pay full price for Bug Off You can usually get a two pack for about six bucks Okay can you Congratulations to Roxanne who finally filled up The windscreen squirter reservoir Yes congratulations

Alright well done For a moment drive safely. Thank you. Yes, congratulations. All right, welcome. For a moment, drive safely now. Thank you. I mean, you are driving safely now because you can finally see out your windscreen. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan,

the podcast, ZM. His new song, Bad Habits, came out on Friday. New album on the way. That song, by the way, the music video already had 14 million views

on YouTube. And we've been connected. We're out of that Zoom waiting room and on the call with them now. Ed Sheeran, good morning. Morning. How are you guys doing?

Well, actually, it's evening here, but morning to you guys. Right. Good morning. It's been forever since we've seen you. I know, man. I'm sorry. I had to go off and, you know,

live back home and do all of that. Live life. I thought you were apologising for the pandemic. And I was going to say, I don't know if that's your area to apologise for, although you may have started it, to get some time off so you didn't have to tour so you could spend some time with family.

Who knows? Oh, man, don't do that. He's not even in, because then it's going to be like a Daily Mail headline. Ed Sheeran admits to causing global pandemic. No, of course not. But what have you been doing with yourself? I mean, recording new music, yes, and you've got a family.

How else have you been passing the time? I mean, that is pretty much it. I've been making an album on and off and being a dad. And I love your shirt, by the way. Oh, thank you. Pikachu shirt. So this is something you can look forward to because it was my daughter's birthday recently and I went out to buy her a Pikachu shirt, by the way. Oh, thank you. So this is something you can look forward to because it was my daughter's birthday

recently and I went out to buy her a Pikachu shirt, but it wasn't in her size, so I bought it for myself instead. I'm very much looking forward to that. I hung out with my mate's kids the other day and they're like 8 and 10 and all they like is Premiership Football, Harry Potter

and Pokemon. And I was like, you're speaking to the expert. But they play the new Pokemon, like the really new game. So I bought them Pokemon Red and Blue each and like a trading cable so they can go back and forth. You know, like, yeah. Oh, you must give good presents. Don't scan away from me.

Intra and I are talking Pokemon. So the original 151, right? I've got no time for this. The remaining 400 that they've since added to the roster. Yeah, well, do you know what? So I have a lot of time for Pokemon Red and Pokemon Blue and Pokemon Yellow, but I actually think the peak was Silver and Gold. I actually think that was their peak.

I have to be honest, man. Those games were really good. And then when they added on more, I was like, ooh, I don't know if I can catch them all. Right. I'm a busy man. I can't be catching 8,000 Pokemon. Did you wander around with Pokemon Go when it was a thing?

No, man. Pokemon Go was like, I had just got rid of my phone at that point. So Pokemon Go was like at a point where like you had to have like an iPhone or an Android or whatever. And I was like carrying an iPad. And like, imagine how nerdy I was. You look like mum. I was going to say, a mum at a concert.

I'm just going to record. This is my favorite song. I'm just going to record this one on my giant tablet that I take everywhere for photos because I can see the big screen easier. It's definitely seen that. I don't want to rag on Apple, but they're actually pretty bad to take pictures on. Oh, terrible. iPads.

I mean, like, they put all the camera stuff in an iPhone. You'd think an iPad for the mums at the concert they'd make like at least a button. Do you know what? Mums at concerts have a very low expectation of the sort of photo that they'll maybe upload later. Maybe just sit on that iPad forever and ever and never be seen again. They've got very low expectations of what they want.

Fair enough. So how are you guys? How are you guys doing? Good. It's been a minute since we've seen you. You look great, by the way. You look like the time off has really done you well. Yeah, well, I think not being on tour

and eating like a tray of chicken wings and drinking two bottles of wine a night. I mean, that's like... No, so someone told me, I was doing, I remember I was trying to lose weight once and I was on that no-carb diet. And I was like,

well, chicken wings, I mean like, they haven't got any carb. Protein. Yeah. Without thinking, they're like deep fried. But yeah, I just used to smash them and red wine and blah. So basically coming off tour, my lifestyle sort of shifted.

And then also becoming a dad, like, your priorities change, you know? Like, I now get up, like, super early in the morning and do exercise and hang out with her and make her breakfast and blah, blah, blah. Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about because I'm a mum now. I've got a four-month-old. And so I was going to ask you. Mate, you're still in the trenches.

You're not even in the good part yet. Yeah, yeah. I was going to ask you, have you got some advice for me now that you're a dad? My best bit of advice that I ever got was no parent knows what they're doing ever. Like, it's like, you know, like all my parents I now speak to about it. And they were like, we had no clue.

Like, we loved you and we wanted to take care of you. But we, you know, you don't know. All I know is like too hot is bad for a baby and too cold is fine. The Goldilocks zone of parenting by Ian Sheeran. Not too hot, not too cold. Oh, man. Parenting is like one of these things that you can get in a real, like that's where the Daily Mail will come after you.

I read like three parent fatherhood books before we had Lyra and like none of it was useful. All of it has come from experience. Yeah. Fair enough. And how has it like affected your music has it changed uh how you've approached um no I think it's um for me for me writing music I've I've been through quite a kind of shift in who I am you know I turned 30 I had a daughter and then I had a really good friend of mine die and go through grief for the first time and I feel like I became an adult when those three things happened if that makes sense

and before I was just in my 20s having fun traveling the world and it's kind of being settled and realizing that you know like I'm a grown man with responsibilities and life is finite you know like it's it's been a bit it's been a been a weird shift in my thought process on things. So that in turn has like led into songwriting. I feel like this album is the most like, I hate it when artists say like, oh, it's the most grown up album. But I'm tackling a lot of my own insecurities in life on this album, rather than it just being an album about living in my 20s and being in love and going out partying

and stuff. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, totally. Well, as you say, you went through three things that you hadn't before. A child, a loss and also turning 30.

So yeah, that's going to change things, isn't it? Yeah, I found when I turned 30, I shaved my beard off and I was like, right,

I spent my 20s trying to look 30. Now I'm going to spend my 30s. Maybe that's what, because maybe as you said, I was like, who's come out of a pandemic looking younger? But you have, but maybe it is. It's the baby face. It's the clean shave. My wife for Christmas got me some moisturizer

and she was just like, just use it. So I used that every time. Ouch. By the way, don't try that back. Don't get her moisturizer and say, just use this. No, don't do that. To be avoided. Just a heads up.

Don't worry. I'm schooled in the art of not f***ing up. Well, you think you are, but you've just turned 30. As a man who's about to exit his 30s, there's so much more for you to do. Oh, I know, man. As you see it, **** in your 30s. I mess up all the time, but never drastically, just little things. And since the last time we spoke to you, Ed,

there's just been a casual worldwide pandemic. How did you spin lockdown? I find that everything that we thought was normal kind of disappeared and we just kind of evolved into the new normal. And, you know, like Zoom, like I didn't even know Zoom existed before lockdown. And this is now just a daily part of my routine. So I feel like I feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel finally. And we're getting slowly towards it.

I mean, they've just delayed it again in. Yeah. But I mean, it's you know what what can you do we're not in charge of anything but i feel like it's slowly getting back to normal i mean you guys have been like pretty fine over there like right yeah i was gonna say this is the time when you should have got your citizenship over here oh yeah no do you know what i was in i was in i was in australia for in Australia for Michael's memorial and funeral. And they basically, they were just about to open up the corridor

between New Zealand and Australia. And I left and two days later they did. And then I think they shut it like a day later. But, you know, I could have got over. Yeah. I was waiting for the news story. Ed Sheeran relocates to New Zealand. I was like, you know what?

Fair enough. Fair enough. If you can go to the Prime Minister's house for like scones last time you were here, I'm pretty sure you could find a spot to... So, like, I say this to people all the time. Like, if I didn't have such... Like, I married a girl who's from the county I'm from.

My parents live two minutes away. Her parents live ten minutes away. All of our best friends live in the town. If I didn't have such roots in England, I would have bought a house in Wellington ten years ago and I'd be living there. I definitely would be there. Bad news. Wellington house prices have gone through the roof in the last 10 years.

I don't even know if Ed Sheeran could afford it. No, but I would have bought it 10 years ago. All right. That's a great investment. Probably as great an investment as if you'd known about Zoom before the pandemic and invested in that as well. Oh, God.

And Peloton. Yeah. Yeah, the Peloton cycles. Peloton was apparently a failing business before the pandemic. Yeah, and then everybody was like, well, if I'm eating this much homemade sourdough, I need to be doing some cardio as well. Mate, the sourdough, all my friends got on that sourdough thing.

I just enjoyed being the recipient of it. Right. Yeah, because they were making too much sourdough. That little like i just enjoyed being the recipient of it right yeah because they were making too much salad and that little thing they've got to keep alive right and it makes more and more sourdough and they're like have you watched them have you watched uh succession yes you know when they uh they give the dad some uh sourdough starter for his first that is such a good show. Oh, yeah. The season three is like in the works, right?

Yeah, I think so. I think they're filming it. Yeah, it's fantastic. That was a good discovery in lockdown. Yeah. Many great TV shows discovered.

Well, we've got to leave. No, wait, I've got one more question. She's got one more. Are you going to invest in this video of you, 15-year-old Ed Sheeran that's being sold at auction playing in Greece? Are you going to buy that back?

I actually have three of the DVDs here, so I'm just going to wait and see. I'm going to wait and see what it goes for. Yes, I like it. It's always pinning forward. Missed out on that Wellington house, so now he's just planning on future investments. Well, Ed Sheeran, we really appreciate the time. I love you guys. I'm sorry it's so brief, but I'm going to hopefully, fingers crossed,

be over there by the end of the year, if all goes well. I'll be over there by the end of the year. That would be awesome. Thanks so much. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Day, day, day.

Today's fact of the day is that fruit flies, rejected male fruit flies, turned to alcohol more than male fruit flies that had their sexual advances received. That's so sad. Do fruit flies have feelings? Dunno. It's apparently about more on this thing called a neuropeptide F, which we all have. Apparently humans have it as well.

So this is how they did the experiment. Male flies were put in a box with female fruit flies that hadn't mated. So they were keen. They were down. And then in the corner was a bar. No. And then so they were very receptive to the male advances because they're just programmed to recreate. Now, in another box, the male fruit flies were locked up with females

that had already mated and thus had ticked the box. Right. And in the corner was a bar. Of regenerating. And then, so they were rejected. Okay. The males were rejected at their attempts. Yeah.

Because the female fruit flies were like, no thanks, I'm pregnant. And then those fruit flies, all of the male fruit flies, both the ones that had a good time and the ones that had been rejected, were put in with a box with two types of food, a normal food slurry and a version charged with 15% more alcohol. Because fruit flies eat fermented, rotted fruit and they can get alcohol from it.

Right. The ones that made it avoided the alcohol and had the food slurry, whereas the ones that were sexually deprived went on a comparative bender. Amazing. Yeah. They were like, well, no one loves me.

I'm going to get drunk. Then they went on a hunt for the chemical that could tie the two parts of that together, and that's where they found neuropeptide F, so that the males who had engaged in lovemaking, that had that ticked through the lovemaking. Now, the males that had been rejected went to sort that out from the alcohol. Right. That sort of reward part of the brain. Right.

So if they had had the lovemaking, they didn't need it because it already ticked the box. But otherwise, they were like, well, let's just get boozed. I feel really bad about that time a fruit fly found a fruit fly in my mojito. My mojito. Right. And I just flicked it out. I was like, get out of here. But it was probably really sad.

It was hitting the bar because it had been rejected. Yeah. But I would rather have a fruit fly in my mojito that hadn't just been making love because it could be a bit sweaty, you know. Yeah. Was it showering in my mojito post-coitus? I don't know. Was it like, oh, that was great.

Anyway, let's have a wash. You don't want a urinary tract infection, you know what I'm saying? I was a few mojitos, Dave. I wasn't really thinking about that. I was just like, get out of here. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it went so deep in the alcohol, it died very heavy. It had a do not resuscitate order too. Yeah, did it? Yeah, if I deep in the alcohol it died very heavy. It had a do not resuscitate order too, that fruit fly.

Yeah, did it? Yeah, if I drown in the alcohol, just leave me be. So today's fact of the day is that male fruit flies, when rejected, will drown their sorrows in booze. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Day, day, day, day, day. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. We want to talk this morning about what your parents missed.

Perhaps a moment of glory that they didn't see. This is because at the weekend, August's soccer game, she scored her first goal. Oh, wow. She's in a soccer team. She's the only girl in her soccer team. Is she? Yeah. She gets out there and mucks it in with the boys. And at the weekend,

she came over. This is the other thing. I don't remember doing this, but maybe when you're a little kid and you're playing sport, you're in the middle of the game and you're like oh I gotta tell my dad something and you just like run off the field

what? and they're like hey were we gonna get someone to eat after this? is that what she asked you? no no no this is what I'm watching

other parents and they're like get back in there the guys get over and they come over and they're like I'm thirsty and the parents are like okay here's your drink bottle and they're like cool and they in there. The guys get over and they come over and they're like, I'm thirsty.

The parents are like, okay, here's your drink bottle. And they're like, cool. And they sit down and they slowly sit. Drink it quick. Get back on there. And the kids are like, why? They're creating a hole in the defense. A huge hole or in the attack. But they'll just do it.

I can imagine you doing that. You lack a sense of urgency. Yeah, just come over and be like, hey, I was just thinking, what was that show we watched a couple of weeks back? I was just out there thinking of it. So August came over, not during, like the game was down the hour in and she came over and she's like, I've got a runny nose. And Sade's like, I'll get you a tissue. So Sade went to retrieve some sort of tissue situation.

Oh my God, you one percenters. You just hold your nose and go. No, no. I was like, you one percenters. You just hold their nose and go. No, no. I was like, she's like, how do people blow their nose during a game? I was like, that's why people go

and blow it out. Yeah, you just block one nostril and heave. Yeah, no, but you've really got to do it. You've got to know what you're doing because I'll do it sometimes and it'll just like blow onto my face and into your beard.

Just snarls through your beard and then that's the whole thing to deal with. So then when Sade was away getting the tissues, the game turned on its head. It went from our end to the other end where August's team were on attack and there was a corner and she kicked the corner in and then as she described it, I could have passed, but then I looked and there was a gap and on the other side of that gap,

there was the goal. So I thought, why don't I just kick it in? And so she did and she scored a goal. Yes. My hero. And she was just like, she turned and looked at me like, did that just happen? I was like, yes, woo.

And then when Sade came back a few minutes later, I was like, you missed her first ever goal. And Sade was like, because Sade was a soccer player when she was young. She was gutted. She was like, I can't believe I missed it. But she was like the only female on the squad and she got a girl i know she got in there and got the goal she'd done the nose blowing things she wouldn't have to go get the tissues she's just just saying you just wanted to know her nose and shadow was like i just can't believe i missed the

first her first goal i said well that's one that dad's gonna have of a mum then he was there watching because he probably would have just told her if it was really that big an issue, just blow the snot out of her nose onto the ground like a real professional footballer. Yeah. So I was just wondering if anybody listening, their parents maybe just threw a momentary lapse of concentration or they went to get something.

Or they just weren't there because they didn't like watching your sports. They missed your moment of glory. Yeah. And it doesn't have to be sports. It could be anything. Yeah. It could be like they were sitting through graduation busting and they were finally like, I'm going to go to it.

And they went and they came back and alphabetically you'd gone. Maybe they missed your wedding. Jesus, why are you so dark? Before you're like, maybe your parents hated watching you play sport. Maybe they didn't want to come to your wedding. What an odd one. Some juicy stories, don't I? Right.

0800DARLS.M. We want to take your calls. You can text through 9696. When did your parents miss your big moment of glory? Yeah. Whether it was sporting. Trust me, you don't need to go into too much detail. If somebody feels that their parents weren't paying enough attention.

Yeah, they'll probably remember. It's burned into their memory. We're talking about the moments of glory that maybe your parents missed. Maybe they just were looking the other way or chatting too much and they missed you. Score a goal or a try or finally get a net ball through the net. Yeah. But they missed it.

And I'll tell you what, there's some people out there who are really... They're not forgetting, are they? Who are really hurting. Emily, what big moment did your parents miss? My mother-in-law missed our wedding. Why? Did she have a good excuse? No, well, we got married in Italy and we had to have a legal ceremony

and then we had another wedding. And for the legal ceremony, we were all there as a family. We had a few drinks the night before and she had a massive hangover and she claimed she had a vertigo attack but she didn't make it. She claimed a vertigo attack. Yep.

Wow. How good are old birds when they just won't admit that they're hungover? They're like, no, I think I'm a food poison. I was like, no, you drank a goon. Do you know, in her defence, wine's so cheap in Italy, it does knock you on your face. And, you know, this was just like the legal one. It wasn't like the big important one.

Exactly. Some messages in. Somebody said, I was at uni doing a performing arts degree. Mum and Dad came to my final showcase. And afterwards, Dad said, I didn't know you could sing. And then it occurred to me he'd missed all of the singing performances up until that. Also, that's real nice

because my mum's told me multiple times, maybe I shouldn't sing so loud. Maybe try to let other people take the lead on this one. My son got his first try on Ripper Rugby, but it was his dad's weekend so I missed out. You can still go to the games, right?

Yeah. If it's not your weekend. You've got to be on the other side of the line, though. Yeah. And, like, shoot evils. Yeah. And then if your kid knocks it on,

that's when you say to people, coordination from the father. And then when they score a try, you're like, well, obviously coordination from me. Sure. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast.

ZM. And we're talking about moments, your glory moments, that maybe your parents have me. Sure. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. We're talking about moments, your glory moments, that maybe your parents have missed. Yeah. Turned away. Sade, my wife, missed August's first soccer goal just because she went to get some tissues. So it's not like she was hungover or didn't turn up or absent parenting.

She literally was like, oh, you've got a runny nose. Let me help. So what have your parents missed? Some text messages in and Fletch, I told you you didn't need to stoke the fire because people who have pissed off would already be pretty right. They're holding it, aren't they? They've been holding

these in for a while. Yes. Like this one. My mother was late to my wedding. She missed most of it. 20 minutes into the ceremony, she and my uncle, who was meant to be giving me away, turned up. I was devastated, but we couldn't wait any longer because there was a wedding happening after us.

I feel like that's on you, though. If you know these people are useless with time, you've got to capture them and make sure that they're there well on time. Tranquilise them. Yeah. Store them somewhere at the wedding venue so they wake up there. Wouldn't they have been part of festivities leading up to that point? They would have been ready.

Get them a driver. Get an uncle or a family member to get them there on time. My father missed my birth because he was off banging his piece on the side. Karma got him though because once they got married, she cheated on him too. That doesn't sound bitter at all. They've definitely gotten over that. My mum slept through my university graduation Because she took a nap before my parents had to leave

And my stepdad couldn't wake her when the time came Couldn't wake her? How hard did he try? Was she dead? Was she in a coma? I've got two First one at prize giving at college I was getting top student for some subjects

That's plural And a scholarship. But my parents wouldn't come as they didn't like my recent haircut and said it was embarrassing to be seen with. How bad was the haircut? But they were getting all those awards. How embarrassing could that be? Who cares?

It grows back. Yeah, that's... Until it doesn't. Shocking, isn't it? Maybe they didn't want it rubbed in their face. Show off, kid. I am. Winning everything. Yeah, literally their brains

came from you. Yeah. But you're angry because your brains Yeah, you're just jealous. God, this kid's better than me. I made it. I don't care. This is the same person. I played rugby for 14 years and only ever scored one try. The sad thing was my dad was the manager of the team but that week my parents had gone to watch my brother

play soccer as it was his first start. So they missed my only try. That's the same person with the haircut. I know. My dad was supposed to come to New Zealand for my son's birth. My dad lives in South Africa, but he had just met a Portuguese porn star legitimately and decided to marry her on the day that my son was born in South Africa

to stop her getting deported. He didn't come in the end, and it took us four years to have a relationship again. Is he still with the Portuguese porn star? I don't know. I've got some follow-up questions. I've got a lot of follow-up questions about that. How bad was Portugal that they ran away to South Africa

and then didn't want to get deported back to Portugal where the Bahia falls like rain. I don't know if it does. I was trying to think of other good things in Portugal. Chari Tso knows chorizo is Portuguese or is it Italian? Anyway, spicy sausages. That's why she's there. She likes her dad's spicy sausage.

Heyo. I opted to skip watching school cross country one year because I had a lot of work to catch up on at work. So I went to work instead of my son won it that year. To be honest, he wasn't giving you some sort of indication that he'd been putting in the training. Yeah, true. You know, like if you're not going to watch your kid

year after year, they come last in cross country. Yeah. Greg, what moment did your parents miss? Well, long story short, I'd finally got the call up from the second 15 to play first 15 rugby. My mum was very excited about it. She thought that she was going to be able to make it down to the game on time. I ended up breaking my nose and knocking myself out in the warm-up, which was terribly unfortunate.

But she got the phone call to say she needed to meet me down at the A&E. Her first response to my principal was, great, he managed to get on because I was in the reserves, but she didn't actually realise that I didn't even get that far. So she missed your warm-up. She literally missed my warm-up, yeah. Wow, did you ever make it on to the field For the first 15 again?

No, that was That was actually the end of my rugby career Yeah, you know what I for one am glad Greg The damage you could have done to yourself during an actual game Could have ended you Greg, thanks for your call A couple of follow-up text

messages. Yes, he's still married to the Portuguese porn star. Okay, alright. That must mean love. And the mum that fell asleep that couldn't be woken, he tried really hard but apparently she was very aggressive with leave me alone. So she wasn't making that wedding. My mum wouldn't come to my tourism school

graduation because she said it wasn't a real university. Oh my god! Are you kidding said it wasn't a real university. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? That's still an achievement. There's some real bitches. You tried really hard at St. George Seymour Tourism School. And I'm not coming.

Yeah. Yeah, that's rough, eh? That's so mean. Good Lord. I don't get it. As a parent, I haven't been through the teenage years yet, so maybe it's too early to speak. But how bad are these kids that people are like, eh, look, I don't have half an

hour. If they said to you, I'd love you to come to anything, you'd be like, I'll go. 100%. The minute you get asked, you're like, yeah, I'll be there. Like, oh, look, I can't be bothered. I've got to ask for some time off. They're always such a baller I don't want to have to take a half day to come and see

You at the Summit of what you've done really hard Trying there Well we really opened up some wounds this morning My dad missed my graduation And then refused to buy me flowers Afterwards when someone told him That would be a good way to make it up to me that he missed my graduation

He said they can buy their own flowers if they're so qualified and earn so much money now. Why is wrong with dad? Why is dad like that? It does sound like a lot of jealousy.

What sort of parents are jealous of their children? Yeah. Should be proud. Yeah. Oh, good lord. Oh my god. This is Fletch, Vaughan and Megan.

The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's free and Clinton listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Head music lives here. ZM.