ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Megan’s Podcast - 29th June 2021

Episode Date: June 28, 2021

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Play. The names Fletchbourne and Megan. Hello, welcome to the Fletchbourne and Megan podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Download the Maccas app, buy five McCafe coffees and get one free. It's just us old mate today. Just us. Just us. Megan has been caught up in another police raid. Oh my God. I've told her. She said, ha ha ha, got away with it. Those were her exact words.

Blah, blah, blah. I think she said something. Wasn't she saying she was the New Zealand equivalent of Pablo Escobar? Oh, she was. Yeah, she's got tunnels under her house. I was like, you've got to be a bit more modest about it. Yeah. She said, fuck them.

They can come for me. I was like, wow. Yeah. You make me very uncomfortable. Yeah, she had one call from the West Auckland Police Station today, this morning, so we had that before the show. She said, look, I won't be there. She said, look, my lawyer's fabulous. She'll get me off of all that.

And I think she has done that. So she may be back tomorrow or the day after. Good luck pinning any of this shit on me. That's what she said, yeah. You little bitch. That's what she said You little bitch That's what she said to the superintendent I was like You want to be, again

Slightly more modest with your She said they won't find anything at my house Yeah And the businesses I own are shell companies under different names I hope she doesn't lose her Ssangyong to the Proceeds of Crime Act Aye That would just be an absolute Her Ssangyong or the ugliest Jeep ever made,

could be reclaimed by the New Zealand Police for the process of crime. I really hope not. Well, our thoughts are with her and the family in this tumultuous time. Yep.

It's just actually diarrhea, to be honest. Huge bout of the shits. Huge joke. Huge. Or at least that's what she's saying. Yeah. Okay, well,

on with the potty. Play. ZM. F's what she's saying. Yeah. Okay. Well, on with the potty. Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fleets, Fawn and Megan. Three minutes past six. We're minus Megan today, who messaged us last night with an extreme bout of diarrhea. Again, this is her. Huge, huge diarrhea. She described it as the squirtiest she's ever had. And that's saying something. Thoughts with her today. She'll need a couple of days off. But we'll steady the ship. I was wondering

if she's saying it's diarrhea, but it's actually she's been pulled back into that Comaturos drug bust, that international drug bust. She walked away from that scot-free. Yeah, yeah, she was released. She's going to turn, you know,

do a Takashi 6ix9ine on them. That was a pretty current reference for me. Getting some nods, getting some nods. I was like, where did that come from? Getting some nods. He's, of course, a rapper, isn't he? A musician. He's got coloured hair. Yeah. And tattoos on his face. I'm surprised he? A musician. He's got coloured hair.

Yeah. And tattoos on his face. I'm surprised he's still alive. Well, I just read before that he's been bailed. So maybe now that he's out in the wild, he won't last too much longer. Yeah, right. Coming up on the show this morning,

the bots, $20,000 cash. We know that the four-letter word is somewhere in the trailer for Black Widow. So scour over that, and we need that four-digit pin that spells the four-letter word. We know that there's a seven in there. Have a shot. 7 o'clock this morning and 8 o'clock, all thanks to Marvel Studios' Black Widow. Pull up your nationwide temperatures,

because I reckon it should be pretty cold down south this morning. I saw predictions of mountainous areas reaching negative 20. Wanaka currently the lowest temperature in the country is minus one. It's zero in Queenstown,

five in Dunedin, two in Christchurch, Wellington's on six and Hamilton eight, Auckland 11. Oh, I was expecting a bit more of a polar blast.

Yeah, same. Because I know there's snow. I don't know if the roads are still shut. There was a road north of Dunedin shut. Probably that one with that big hill on it. They always see the cars going, scared! Crash! On the news. Yeah, take it easy out there this morning. Especially in the South Island. Yep.

The top six is coming up. This will blow your mind. How much New Zealand companies spent on Facebook advertising. Yeah. The top six of they spent. And because I think your money would be better spent on radio advertising. Oh, radio advertising works. We know this, don't we?

Fantastic. That's the original word of mouth. It is, yeah. I've got the top six radio jingles for these companies that spent a fortune on Facebook advertising. Right. Are you trying to win off more than I could chew? Probably yes. Absolutely.

But I'll do it for radio, the advertising medium that I am so deadly passionate about. Well, it pays your bills. You have to be, don't you? Yes. It certainly does. It helps pay the old mort gage. That's for sure. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Megan.

A change that some users have noticed on Instagram, and I don't really know if this is going to affect many people because most people use Instagram on their phone only, but for desktop users of Instagram, because you can log in on your laptop,

on your desktop, you can now upload, or people are seeing that maybe testers can see that they can upload from the desktop. Right, yeah. So I guess that's good if you're a Photoshopper. You don't have to send it to your phone. Because how do you do it?

If you've got a photo on your computer, do you airdrop it to your phone? Yeah. Yeah, okay, me too. Yeah. So I'm guessing this is an Android-using thing then because the guy who got the upload button said, no more transferring video through Google Drive,

downloading my phone, then uploading. There's an upload on the desktop. Yeah, right. So, yeah, he's not doing the yield. And yeah, from what I can see with the screenshots, you get all the filter options as well on the desktop. Oh, right. So you can do that and then upload. well on the desktop. Oh, right. So you can do that and then upload.

Straight on the desktop. Because I know you can option back again now to see your likes or see other people's likes. Yeah, you can. Like how many likes photos got. Yeah, because that was weird because I forgot that New Zealand was one of the few places that were kind of the trial areas for hiding likes.

And I think I just got used to it. And then when it came back, I was like, oh, this is weird. Yeah. I don't want to see how many likes people have. But you've always been able to see on the desktop. Yeah. A little workaround, a little loophole. You've always been able to go in there and, I don't know, feed your ego.

I think the majority of people have just kept them off in New Zealand that I've seen. Like counts. Yeah. I don't know because on the desktop, you always see likes. So I don't know if opting out on your own personal account stops other people from seeing it online. I'm just mostly on my phone. But yeah, I haven't bothered with them.

Right. So yeah, you can. Is this another sign of the death of Instagram then? Maybe. Because I know they've been talking a bit about it lately. About it's boring this another sign of the death of Instagram then? Maybe. Because I know they've been talking a bit about it lately. About it's boring. The death of the gram. So maybe this is, you know, a dead cat bounce.

Is that a technical term? Dead cat bounce. Do they not bounce? No, then they do bounce. They do bounce. Oh, right. Okay. But you'll be like, oh, they became parachutes.

You think of squirrels. No, cats become parachutes when they fall from buildings. They do that thing and they open up. That's why a lot of cats survive. Does it stop them enough? Does it slow them enough? I believe so. Oh, okay.

Maybe they're lucky enough. Do cats become parachutes? Paralyzed when they eat raw squid. Do cats get paralyzed when they eat raw squid? Well, I had no idea about that. How often is Major Murray eating a raw onion calamari? Old Chuck Murray, a bit of roast hot rotisserie chicken every now and again. Oh, that's fine.

That's fine. That's cooked chicken. But I don't really do calamari or squid rings, so. Right. I didn't know that. Right. Did you find? No. So I didn't know that. Right. Did you find? No, I have, however, come across Operation Cat Drop,

which is a name given to the delivery by the United Kingdom's Royal Air Force of cats to a remote village of Borneo. They were delivered in crates dropped by parachute as part of a broader program of supplying cats to combat a plague of rats. When did this happen? I thought they were just giving poor villagers cats. Cats to pet. No, you don't want another mouth to feed.

They would be... They were giving them... I thought they were boosting morale, maybe. No. Oh, okay. But no, cats do become parachutes. I've seen it on the TV. I know they can fluff out,

but I don't know if it's going to save them forever in a day. I do not know. I do not know, sir, if it's going to save them from a really high height, maybe from a few stories. See here, look, cats' remarkable ability to survive falls from great heights is a simple and predictable matter of physics, evolutionary biology, blah, blah, blah. Their bodies are built to survive high falls, scientists say.

You've not said parachute once in that sentence. You've just said they can survive high falls. But they make it. Look, they put their paws out and they make a parachute. Right, they make themselves like a Red Bull glider. I would like to see a cat jump off the Swiss Alps with a GoPro strapped to its head and fly at high mileage per hour,

high knots, down a beautiful picturesque Swiss valley before at the end pulling their parachute and coming to a safe, albeit quite quick landing. Yeah. We can only hope. We can only hope and we can only dream. 16 past six. Great news next on the show

if you partake in the menstrual cycle. Okay, great. CDM's Fletchborn and Megan. You may have seen this week that, I think it was computer programmers are getting lured to Australia with a promise of big bucks. I saw that. $200,000. Yeah, they've sent recruiters over in the last few months,

recruiting people in all different industries. Yeah. To go to Aussie, get more money. So apparently, yeah, the computer program is earning big bucks over there.

Yeah, but just remember all those Kiwis that were in Australia at the start of the COVID pandemic and they didn't help. Remember that? No, that's right.

The government were like... They couldn't get home but they were stuck there. They didn't give them money. Yeah. Rude. Just remember that. So say,

put some pennies aside. But it's in Australia also that some companies are going to offer female employees paid leave for painful periods or menopause. In a bid to what they're saying to end gender inequality in the workplace. So, you could just have, what, a day or two off a month if you were just like... So a superannuation company that has done it in Australia so far this year in January began offering six days. Now, this was additional to sick leave for menstrual or menopausal leave.

Okay. So that would be sick days you could use for these, but if you needed more days off Because of the specific thing You could have those additional So there were days where Oh that's nice Not obviously six isn't enough

For the whole year For every day No It's not even enough for one day per period More of a once every couple of periods Yeah Pick a day Pick a period and just have it off.

Have it off. Yeah. Yeah, right. Well, that's good. Well, it's additional sick days. Yes. Now, being that we are... Well, we're men.

We don't have periods. No. Should we seek the advice of period havers? Why did you put your headphones on, Jared? Just to monitor the sound, I think. And he wants to learn. And he's very... I assumed you were going to cross out here.

We weren't coming to you, Jared. Yeah, but I still need to hear what's happening. Okay, well, fair enough. Enough mansplaining. Sorry. Now, how do we feel about six period days? Is it enough? Would you? Would that be...

I don't know anything about these things. Well, I know the basics, but they're different every time. I'm learning. Okay. So you might have a bad period and then a couple of okay ones and then a bad one? Sometimes, yes. But if you have got endometriosis, then it would be consistently bad.

Right. I hear this. That's a horrible... Maybe there could be like a bank situation. You bank them up? Yeah. No, for example, like I probably wouldn't need days off. Somebody else in our office may need more than the allocation. Oh, that's nice. And so you would give them... Communism! You want to socialise your

sick days into some sort of tank? I actually know, I've heard of that. Like if someone in a workplace has had like an illness, like cancer or something, people in the workplace give their sick days. How cool is that? Yeah, I'd love to do something like that. Okay, I hadn't even thought of that.

Because it's all productivity, isn't it? Yeah. So if these are the amount of hours that have been allocated to be off and you're not using yours, you could give it to somebody else. That's actually very caring. Thank you. Call me a hero. I'm surprised about that from you. Cheers.

Do companies in New Zealand do this? Has anyone heard of? I'm not familiar with. I mean, if you are a company that does this, you should definitely be putting your hand up just for some brownie points from society, right? Some free publicity. Yeah. Slash brownie points from society. Yeah. And I mean, you're doing something

good as well, so you might as well really milk it. That's what people do. But come across like a little bit like chilled out about it. Don't be like, hey, look at us. Be like, oh, we've reluctantly come forward to say we do do this. Yeah, sure. Play ZM's Flesh Phone and Megan. I, um, at the gym yesterday was on the stair machine.

Oh, yeah. The fan of the stair machine. I can't deal with the stair machine. It's hypnotic. Yeah. It's like metallic teeth coming for you. Oh. I don't look at that.

Oh, yeah. You don't look at that part. No, I have to look at the steps, otherwise I get, like, the teeth are going to eat me. Oh, right. You get freaked out about the steps. I get a bit freaked out. Oh, no. Because I go too fast, and then I worry that I'm going to fall off.

And then I just don't bother. Oh, no. Get on that thing. Get on that. You hold the side bits. Oh, that's cheating. Just in case you fall. Oh, okay.

You take it. That's just a guidance situation to avoid. I reckon at the gym they would prefer you hold on to those. Oh, absolutely. Take your teeth in on the front and then just get chucked off the bottom. Saw a lady fall off a few weeks back. Not good. I tried not to laugh.

She was all right, luckily. So I was on that and then I was like five minutes. And so I get off and I do my weight things. Yesterday I was doing some squats and then get back on for another five minutes. I do it all within cooey of the stair machine. Now, I got off the stair machine to do my squats, and a guy came with the assumption it was his turn on the stair machine. Oh, but you were doing a superset.

Yeah, right. Can you do that in a busy time? I don't know. It wasn't busy at all, but there's only one stair machine. Oh, I hate when people are using two machines at once. Yeah. At the gym, I was just using one machine, and then the squats were just a dumbbell situation thing.

Right. And I said, oh, and he was like, are you done? And I was like, I flipped the headphone off and I was like, I've got five more minutes. Yeah. And he was like, okay. And so I got back on the stair machine and he proceeded to watch me for the last five minutes.

Just kind of like watching. And I was like, okay, I said five. I definitely said five minutes. And it wasn't like a casual five minutes. Like, oh, just be a couple of minutes. It was like five minutes, very specific. Right, you said, I've got exactly five minutes left. And then with a minute to go, went and jumped on another machine.

I was like, you've just watched for four minutes. You can see the timer. See, maybe he couldn't see the timer and he thought, God, he's been on for like seven. Maybe. Because when you're waiting for something, time does pass differently. And then I got off that machine and I went onto the treadmill.

Now, there's multiple treadmills, so I'm not like hogging the treadmills when I stop every five minutes to do something else and then come back to more treadmill. Then he's on the treadmill beside me and I can see that somebody's on the treadmill beside me and I don't know because I'm just like running flat tack.

Yeah. But then I look and like a quick sideways look, I'm like, this guy's talking to me. So I put the headphone back again as I'm running and I'm like,

oh, sorry, I didn't even hear. Yeah. What's up? And he's like, nothing. And I was like, oh, okay.

And I put the headphone back on and then the girls at the gym were like, what was that guy saying? And I was like Nothing And I was like Oh okay And I put the headphone back on And then the girls at the gym Were like What was that guy saying? And I was like I don't know He said nothing And they were like

Oh no he was talking at you For like three minutes And you weren't acknowledging him No I wasn't acknowledging I was literally in the zone Yeah right I was running Haas haas hoos

Trying I don't know what the whole situation was I don't know if it was explaining the previous situation with the steer. Yeah, was he having a go at you for hogging? Oh, was he having a go? Yeah, right. Or just a friendly chat?

I don't know. I didn't hear any of it. Wow. Is he always there when you go? Never. Oh, well you probably won't see him then. Unless he's just joined and he goes at the same time as you every day. Maybe he wants a gym buddy. Maybe he wanted a pal for, like, spotting. Obviously, he looked at me and thought, there's a guy I can spot down when I'm doing the big weights.

There's a big dog. I've been asked to spot people. I'm like, okay, but just disclaimer, I'm going to drop these on you. I'm not strong. I really must think I asked him to spot him once. I'm like, mate, if it goes, I'm not going to be able to stop it. If you can't stop it, you're dreaming. Like, especially he's doing, what are these called?

Bench press. Bench press, yeah, yeah. Bench press. I'm like, you're in the stronger position. I'm not going to be able to stop it from here. Yeah, yeah. You're going to be choking, and I'm going to be like, roll to the side. I can offer nothing but advice.

From the illegal ZM think tank, this is the top six. Today's top six deals with the fact that New Zealand companies are spending a fortune on Facebook advertising. This is over the last six months. The biggest three have spent a combined $4.5 million in six months. That's an insane amount. Yeah. And that would include Instagram, right? Because Facebook owns Instagram.

They bill you. I would imagine so as Facebook. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So there's the top 10, but this is the top six. So we'll only be dealing with the top six. And these are the top six big spenders

The big spenders, how much they spent And a sweet free radio jingle to convince them To come back and spend some more money On their original sweetheart It's the advertising that works Radio advertising The original broadcast medium So in the past six months

Number six, Auckland Transport Has spent $846,000 on Facebook advertising. What? What have they been advertising? I always see them pop up with, say, there are train lines closed or bus street closures. Okay. Is that targeted, do you think? Maybe.

I don't know. That's a lot of money, eh? I know. Because I would have thought if you come into work on the train and it's delayed or there's a bus replacement, just get there and they'll tell you. Yeah. So here's their sweet free radio jingle to convince them to come back to spend more money here. Is driving your car a bit of a fuss?

Why not catch the bus? Is you're driving in car? A bit of a pain To take the train Free. It's a freebie. I really like that. You're getting a round of applause from the producers.

You're not just humouring him, are you? That did capture the... Are you tickled? It was really good. It's too strong. I feel like the rest I don't... Because I don't know what's happened. Fletch, all I've got written here is the name

and how much they spent. Oh, my God. Five more are probably just going to sound exactly the same as that. So I hope I don't disappoint. Number five on the list of the top six advertisers on Facebook. The Warehouse in the last six months

has spent $900,000 on Facebook advertising. Oh, wow. Well, they do spend on radio as well, though. Yeah, they do. And we appreciate it, but we want more. So to lure you back, some of them sweet advertising dollars, here's a free radio jingle. Hmm. You could buy something for $100.

Why spend $100? Spend $20 and buy it at the warehouse. You can buy five of those things for $20 before you spend $100. What I'm saying is that our quality might not be the best, but we're cheaper than the rest. The warehouse, doot, doot. The warehouse, doot, doot. The warehouse, doot, doot.

Yeah, I like that. You could buy five jugs instead of buying one. One jug for $100. Yeah, and then you've got five jugs. Boom. I like that. Yeah, good. That's just economies of scale. Yeah, for something. Sure. Insert. They're not clapping this time. I'm not going to turn around. They're not clapping. Nah, actually

Anna was watching the TV. Was she? Okay. You've lost her. You've lost her. You've lost her already. Spark, number four on the list of the top six advertisers on Facebook. These are New Zealand companies and how much they spent in the past six months. Spark, the telecommunications company, spent $922,000 on Facebook advertising. Here is their free radio jingle to lure them back to spend some more

money here. Okay. Have you ever been to the country where Vodafone reception is junk? Welcome back to Sparkers. We think you're good looking you big sexy hunk. Yeah, good. Yeah, I'll stop there then.

They called me sexy. I'm gonna go to them. They called you a sexy hunk. Yeah, I'm signing up. Yeah, good. Yeah, I'll stop there then. They called me sexy. They called you a sexy hunk. Yeah, I'm signing up. Yeah, and they cover where 98% of New Zealanders live. I promise I can't guarantee that that's what they're saying. Sure. Number three on the list. I don't know.

This is Insurance Underwriters NZ. They've been advertising a lot on Facebook. So much so in the last six months, they've spent $982,000. Like kind of advertising you insurance. Yeah, I guess so. So here is their free radio jingle to lure them back to radio. Okay. Is your house burnt down or a flood or other things?

What a pain. Did you have insurance? You didn't. What a dum- Did you have insurance? You didn't. What a dum-dum. Yeah, these go downhill. You really started strong. I started too strong. Well, bus and train are very easy to rhyme with.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bus, bus, train, pain. Nothing rhymes with insurance. Insurance. Oh, do you want insurance that doesn't come from France? Cheaper than a new pair of pants. Yeah. Because that's the thing, right?

You wanted people to think that insurance is cheap. Yeah. But over time, if they don't claim it, it actually turns out to be a huge hole. But then if you don't have it, you're damned. If you do, damned if you don't. Number two on the list of the top six advertisers on Facebook over the past six months in New Zealand and how much money they've spent in Air New Zealand spent $1.3 million. Wow.

$1.3 million. Telling people that, again, they are in the air. Yeah. I'm guessing with the bubble opening to Australia and Rarotonga, they've been advertising those as well as... But no refund. We'll give you a credit. You can have a credit.

So they spent $1.3 million in the past six months. Here's their free radio jingle to lure them back to radio. Do you want to fly to Australia? Cancel that one. Do you want to fly to Melbourne? Cancel that one. Do you want to fly to Sydney? Cancel that one.

Do you want to fly to Brugge? Cancel that one. Do you want to fly to Rarotonga? Have a good time in Rarotonga. Eat some delicious fish burgers. I always get caught up on fish burgers when I'm thinking about Rarotonga. Air New Zealand, fly there with Air New Zealand. Great, okay, that's great.

Done. These clients are going to be coming back in droves. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I might start clipping the ticket with your general writing. Internal creative agency. And number one on the list with the ones with internal creative agency. And number one on the list of the top six advertisers on Facebook over the past six months and how much they spent. Wix.com, the website builders, spent $2.1 million.

I've never heard of them. I've heard of them. I've seen the advertising. A, I didn't know they were a New Zealand company, and B, I thought that they wouldn't be spending $2.1 million. Who do they think they are? Must be some money in... Squarespace?

Yeah, must be some money in website building. Must be some money in website building. And here's their quick radio jingle for Wix.com. Yep. Do you need a website? Don't listen to Facebook telling you you can run it all out of Facebook. Whoops, we're advertising on Facebook. Come to Wix.com and we'll build you a website

that will probably just redirect to Facebook. Thanks for staying with us. That is today's episode. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. I am the box. The box. It's all thanks to Marvel Studios' Black Widow in cinemas July 8th

and streaming on Disney Plus with premiere access July 9th. Conditions apply. I'm excited about this. I saw the trailer the other day again. Very excited. Well, it's within that trailer that the answer lies. Yeah, the word is in that trailer. It's a four-letter word.

There is a seven in there. So you have to get the keypad numbers out and do a bit of code. There's a seven in there, and it's in the trailer. Four to Japan. Yeah, so if you get that right, $20,000 cash is yours.

Riley, good morning. Good morning. All right, have you scoured the trailer? I have, I have. Okay. I only did it yesterday, actually. I had a day off, so I was like, all right, I'm going? I have, I have. Okay. I only did it yesterday, actually. I had a day off, so I was like, all right, I'm going to have a look at this. Okay, did you write down, like, how many words would be in that trailer?

Loads. There was quite a few, but in the first viewing, I was like, oh, it's this. And then I had a look at the clues, and then my girlfriend figured some of them out, and then it seemed to work with both of us together. So I'm like really hoping it's... Okay. What word do you think? Fire.

Okay, because there's fire in the trailer and there's a seven in fire. And the movie's going to be fire. And the movie, it is going to be fire. So what four did you pin this fire translate to? So three, four, seven, three. Okay. And because in clue four, there's...

I started typing, but I want to hear this out. Go on. Yeah. Carry on. Carry on. So in clue four, it goes, this clue will make you think. And it's got three, four, three in it, and then there's five and three ones in it.

So I just figured that it'll be a three, four, three, and then with the seven as well. Okay. Right. Five and three ones would make eight, though. Yeah. Yeah. So five and two ones minus.

Minus one. Yeah, it sounds like you're reinventing maths here. People are going so deep in this. Yeah, it sounds bad. Man, you're reinventing maths here. People are going so deep in this. I love it. Okay, well, $20,000 is yours, Riley, if the four-digit pin is correct. Okay, 3473. Let's do this.

3473. Oh, it's three. Oh! It's not! It's not! No. Never mind. No, all right. Thank you. The box says never mind.

We do have a double passo to Marvel Studios' Black Widow, and there is another chance for you to win that cash at 8 o'clock this morning. If it doesn't go then, Georgia at midday, and Brian Clint this afternoon at 4 and 5. ZDM's Fletchborn and Megan. A study's been done looking at drivers and where they park their cars

at home. Okay. And this was interesting and I wanted to talk about this because it is found that 53% of drivers with garages don't park their cars in them. That doesn't surprise me hugely. Like either it's so much effort if you don't have a garage

door opener because you've got to open it and then shut it yeah so it's easy just to park it outside i would have thought it would have been everybody just filling their garages up with junk okay that's the main reason so of those uh 53 of all drivers that uh don't park their cars in their garage, it's because 68% of them say their garage is too full with crap. Wow. That's like nearly 70%. Just absolutely chock-a-block with DIY tools, boxes that you haven't unpacked or that you're storing in the garage because you don't want that crap in your house.

I remember looking- Furniture, bikes. When we were going to move and we were looking at houses and we went and looked at a place off plan, off the plans and I was like, oh, only a single garage. And the guy said, oh, no one uses garages for cars anymore

anyway. I was like, and he's like, he reckons of all the houses they were selling. Yeah. People just didn't want a double garage because they thought it took up too much space and they wouldn't use it anywhere because garages to them were just storage.

I was like, that's crazy. Do you park your cars in the garage? Yeah, yeah. Every night? Every night. It drives me nuts when Sade doesn't park the car in the garage. See, I think if you weren't nagging Sade, you have the perfect place to park right outside your front door.

Why put it in the garage? Because it's, I don't know. It's just, I always grew up, you always put your cars in the garage. Like there was. You have so much space to park right outside your house. I know. Side by side. Yeah, I know.

You don't need a garage. Yes, you do. To cover the car. To cover. On cold mornings, your car loves a garage. It loves to sleep in the garage because then it starts easier and it's warmer. Right. To cover the car. On cold mornings, your car loves a garage. It loves to sleep in the garage because then it starts easier and it's warmer. Right.

We do have a Driven correspondent from the Herald. Oh, Mr. Bun Buns. Driven.co.nz. Great timing. You should do a story. Yeah, I said to Gerard, put me in coach. I'm ready. Yeah, yeah. Tag in for the story.

Do you think this is the same with New Zealand car drivers? Unfortunately, yes. Like Anna's parents, they've got a double garage, but they just use it for one car, and it just kind of like, you've got so much space. Because my biggest thing is paint protection for a car inside. Because you get bird poo, you get the weather, it just fades the paint.

Yeah, yeah. Someone could egg your car, and we all know eggs eat the paint, don't they? Absolutely, chew through the paint, don't let that dry on. So what, because people would, and insurance premiums would go down, right? If you can, because if your car gets stolen, they were like, I thought you said on the insurance that you park in a locked garage every night. And you're like, I was just once.

It was just once I parked it on the side of the road, not every single night. Yeah, well, you don't tell them that, though, do you? No. What? No, you certainly don't. Yeah, right. But on the first homebuyer's front, garages are such a luxury. Like, the amount of houses out there with just, there's just, like, one car park, not even covered or anything.

It's a bit of a nightmare. What about, carport's still better than nothing, right? Yeah, carport is better than nothing, but it's not really the security factor. Like, anyone can still just rock up and take a... Yeah, you're talking to someone with a Honda that's falling to bits. I don't think it's security. Still parking in a garage every night. to someone with a Honda that's falling to bits. I don't think it's security. Still parking in a garage every night.

Still parking in a garage every night. I don't know if security factor is a big thing. All right. Thanks, Mr. Bun Bun. See your wife next on the show. Yeah. Busted. We were in a car yesterday when she got busted by a complete stranger.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. Yesterday, the end of this phone conversation was funny, but basically there's this thing we've got at our house right? We live rurally and we've got a pump from the outside room every bit of waste water, so your poos and wheeze,

your shower water, your toilet flushes, your washing your hands, has got to go into this pump that I have learnt is called a macerator. Now, it's called a macerator because it's got this big stainless steel blade in it that just chews up all the poos in the toilet paper and makes it into a slurry, and then it goes vroom. It's like a poo blender.

Yeah, poo blender, and then it goes vroom and blows it down this pipe into the septic tank. Into the septic tank. I think my parents have got that because they have a septic tank. Yeah. Mostly, the main part of our house is gravity flow. Yeah. So it just flows into the septic tank.

But this one's a bit further away, so it's got to be like, and then shoot it down the pipe. Yeah, right. Now, the other day, a fuse blew, and I found out that the macerator wasn't macerating. It couldn't macerate it. The part that shouldn't get wet had got wet. So I looked at the price of a new macerator

and it made my eyes leak water in the form of unhappy tears about how much it was going to cost. How much is a macerator? $2,500 for the exact same brand. I know. Do they do one on Ali Express? They do a Hyundai for like $500. Now that sounds great.

That's my next stop. Okay. But when I took apart the macerator, I found out- Why are you taking apart a macerator? Well, because $2,500. What have I got to lose? Poo all over your house?

No, no. It was outside, but I did get like poo juice on my hands. But anyway, that's beside the point. I was wearing gloves and I washed thoroughly afterwards. But I found out the little circuit board was wet. Oh, okay. And I think it must have been wet for a little while because when I was trying to

like clean it and dry it, those little bits on the top that looked like, if you lay a circuit board down it looks like a city block. Yep. Did you ever do that with a kid? Find a circuit board and then you turn it into, it looked like a little high rises and stuff? I had a Dick Smith electronics kit. Used to make like a light bulb go on. Yeah. Like, oh my

God, cool. Look at me go. I'm an engineer. And so one of those just snapped off easy peasy and then I thought it was rusted. I was like, okay, so this is bad. So I rang, I looked up who supplies this specific brand. Yes. Sani Best.

Yes. Well, that sounds like a great brand. It's French. This is why it costs so much. Oh, okay. So I ring my friends at Maiko Plumbing, unpaid mention there, and Megan answers.

That's her name because I've started doing that thing when someone says their name, you say their name straight back to them so you can remember their name. That's creepy. It's a real fine balance of saying it back to them without sounding creepy. Because I'm like, oh, you're just trying to do that thing where you say my name and remember it. Why? What's the point? It's a personal touch. Okay. And so I'm talking to Megan and I'm like, oh, you're just trying to do that thing where you say my name and remember it. Why? What's the point?

It's a personal touch. Okay. And so I'm talking to Megan and she's like, yo, I think we can order this part. Oh, okay. That's good. And then she's like, oh, so what's your name for the invoice? And I was like, oh, Vaughan Smith. And she's like, oh, are you the guy from the radio? I said, yep, I guess.

There's not too many Vaughans. Sure, I'm the Vaughan from the radio. Now she knows that your macerate is not macerating your poo. And I've been running elbow deep in poo juice. Yeah. And she's like, oh, I listen to you guys every morning. I said, well, thank you very much for listening to the program. Thank you, Megan.

She said, I don't think much of that Fletch guy. I said, neither do I. She didn't say that. He's an arsehole. She didn't say that. And she's like, oh, I saw your wife and came out yesterday. And we're in the car on speaker and Sade's driving. And I look at Sade and she looks at me with this, like, that bitch. And I was like, oh, she's sitting right here.

And then Megan starts backtracking. She's like, it might not have been your wife. I said, ah, by the look on her face, it was definitely her. And she's like, and Sade's like, I can't believe this. Plumbing World would never have done this to me,

which I thought was pretty good. A good comeback. Tradie sass there. And Megan's like, I've broken the sister code. I was like, no, Megan, you have made me need to,

reminded me that I need to go back and check the bank accounts. Yeah, because you might not be able to afford a new macerator. Well, how much? $400 at Kmart. Exactly. On wire baskets. And now the poo just flows out and pulls on the lawn while we're waiting for the bank accounts to replenish

because of all these Kmart trips. So, yeah, Shada got out and is doing this, like, secret trip to Kmart. There was a trolley mentioned as well, so I was like, well, why'd she get a trolley? A basket should truly have been enough. Wow, okay. So yeah, Megan totally sold her out. And did she admit to what she'd purchased?

Oh, a lot of it was, she said she went in to get August's Book Day character costume, but then purchased some other bits and pieces. You remember I said she bought two rooms of A4 paper when I said we don't buy

rooms of A4 paper we steal them from work. Yeah. Amateur. Yeah and then a few other bits and pieces that she was pretty light on the details of

but absolutely outed by Megan and Maiko. ZDM's Fletchborn and Megan. My mum and dad are in Australia at the moment. They decided with some friends of theirs

they would take their dry spell on the farm. That's when the cows aren't milking. Correct. And that's when dairy farmers do their big holidays, but big holidays haven't been happening. And they went with some friends of theirs to Perth and they were going to camper van up to Darwin. And they thought of the two areas in Australia

that have had zero COVID situations, these are the two safest areas. Once we're out of Perth, I mean, Northern Territories hasn't had anything. They were literally driving into the Northern Territories. Yeah. The first code, those miners from Alice Springs or wherever they were, were said to have gone to Darwin and gone around the Northern Territories. And they were like, you are kidding me. The day that they were driving in.

So they're in Australia and they're living in a caravan park now. So they can't go into Perth? No. No, they've been advised not to go into Perth. Right, so they're kind of stuck. Well, they're miles away from Perth. It'll take them a week to drive back.

It's taken them three or four weeks to drive up there. Man, you forget how big Australia is, eh? It's ginormous. So they're closer to Darwin, but they've been also told not to go into Darwin. The advice is just to stay where they are and, you know, socially distance from people and mask up when they're going to get their food and everything. So they might be able to get on a...

Because the thinking is that the government might say some states, not New South Wales, that you'd be able to get a test, a pre-departure test, get on a plane and come back if you're negative. Yes. That's what a lot of people... And then isolate outside of a managed isolation facility, which they said isn't a problem because they'll just be going straight back to the dairy farm.

But carving's about to start. And this is where you might get a call up. Mum yesterday said, can you text Jacinda and just get her heads up? I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, just, you know, maybe just a couple of hours ahead of everybody else so we can get on to booking. We need a book. Right.

So they knew the risks and they're not like, woe is us, boo hoo. They knew the risks and they're certainly not asking for a private charter to repatriate them to New Zealand for carving-hoo. Yeah, because people are... They knew the risks, and they're certainly not asking for a private charter to repatriate them to New Zealand for carving or anything. Yeah. But it does mean that if they're not back, Fletch,

because you were going to go to Australia for our holidays that are coming up. Oh, my God, I've cancelled. Yeah. This is too... We've got another friend of the show, Morgan. She's stuck in there. She's stuck in Byron Bay,

and of course that's so close to Queensland, but they won't let her across the border. No. Because she's been in Byron Bay. And of course, that's so close to Queensland, but they won't let her across the border. No. Because she's been in New South Wales. Correct. So, yeah, people are stuck. So they don't know what to do. But good news, you're not going away.

Means that for the second week of our holidays, strap on the pink red bands, we might be becoming dairy farmers. Oh, well, if my parents aren't back, the second week of my holidays is's going to be down there. Dairy farming. Wow. Getting ready for carving

or, you know, there's always a couple of rogue early calves. I can't even use the excuse of it's too early because I'm always up at that time anyway. Yeah.

It's going to be cold. I don't like camel poo or the cold. No. Well, these are two things you are going to learn to love, my friend. We could put you

in charge of the calves. That's pretty cute. Just making sure they're all on their cafeteria. I could be in charge of making your breakfast and dinner when you get home from the farm. I'll just stay in the house with the fire. No, gender equality. Gender equality on the dairy farm.

My mum was down there every morning when we were growing up and continues to into her 60s. I think you'll love it. It's not for me. I'm more of a farmhouse wife. And an untapped market of hotties in rural Waikato for you to explore. Really? Right.

Open up the apps. Drag the radius out. Drag the radius out. I'll free you up a couple of hours in the afternoon before afternoon milk and you'll pop out for a hookup. ZM's Flesh Wander Megan. Play ZM. Am I a bad

person? Alright, so we have received an email to the show and what a predicament this person finds themselves in. Yes, the email reads, Hi guys! Hi. I've got a question for you.

I've been with my boyfriend for two years, and in that time, I've posted about him 22 times on social media. Exactly. He's posted about me once, and only when I called him out for it. It's not like he doesn't use socials, because he posts about his mates, his car, various fishing trips, and even the odd meal that he enjoys. Ouch. I know.

But never me. He's not a soppy guy and says he just wants to keep our private life private. But I can't help but kind of be low-key hurt by what he prioritizes to post about instead. Am I a bad person for asking him to post about me more? What an awkward conversation. What an awkward conversation. What a horrible conversation. I don't want to be, I wouldn't want to be

either part of that conversation, having to bring it up or having to be on the receiving end of that conversation. But then also, have you ever stalked anyone on Instagram and then you're just like, oh, wait, they've got a partner

because you don't see them on their Instagram. No. It is a weird, it's a weird move, right? Like, are they embarrassed by you or do their friends hate you? If he didn't post, it would be absolutely fine. If he just didn't post much.

Anything. Yeah. Right. But if he's posting like, here's me with the lads and here's me with a fish. Yeah, here's me with another big, it's a bigger fish. Yeah, and you're with this person. I'm presuming you spend the most time with your partner. Yeah. Personal time.

It is weird, but maybe there's two years though. I can imagine a new relationship it might take a while to post someone new. Yeah. What about all the stories? What about it? Are you making stories? It doesn't sound like about are you making stories? It doesn't sound like they're even making stories Let alone the posts

Okay Yeah it's an odd one eh? Yeah There's definitely something going on here But two years come on But if you've got underlying trust issues If he's done other things I can see why you would assume he's cheating.

Because he's trying to look single. Because you can't put photos up of you and your girlfriend if you're cheating on her. Because everyone else would be like, hang on a sec. Yeah, if you've got multiple pots on the boil. Yeah. So maybe she suspects something deeper.

Okay, well, we'd love to hear from you this morning. 0800-DARLS.M I'd love to hear from people who maybe have been in this situation. Maybe you're one of these people that you don't post your partner or for whatever reason. Tell us why.

But also, do you think she's a bad person for being upset at her boyfriend that he's not posting about her on social media. Yeah, because it's a red flag, right? Don't you reckon? Yeah. If he's posting about other stuff.

Posting all the good times, but you're not part of the good times. 0800 DALS at M. Give us a call. Tell us what you think. Vote for Am I a Bad Person? Am I a Bad Person? We received a message in from a listener. Her boyfriend doesn't post about her on

his Instagram, his social media. And he does post. He posts about his fun times with the lads. He posts about his car, his mates, fishing. She's been posted about once when she nagged him. When she said, why don't you ever post about me?

So we're going to issue a bad person early poll results on our Instagram, and you can go along to our Instagram story and vote on this if you would like to sway the voting. But 78% of people said she is not a bad person for being miffed about this. Okay, Megan, what do you think? I kind of, I'm a bit on the fence here. So I've been on the other side of the situation, being like the one who doesn't post a lot.

Okay. And so what, he would be posting about you and him all the time? Yeah, like these really long paragraphed posts that were really sloppy. Yuck. Yeah. Not my thing. Not my thing at all. Yeah.

And I wouldn't post at all until he would be like, Oi, why? Why don't you post Do You Not Love Me Enough? And it got real weird. Oh, that's overly media and stuff. But then we're talking, yeah, those are the two extremes, right? Yeah. She just wants a middle ground.

Yeah, so I can kind of get why perhaps he doesn't. Like maybe it's a bit of an uncomfortableness around presenting that side of their relationship on mine, which I totally get. But he is all good with being like, man, the boys have had a great time fishing. I love these guys. I hope we're not making any awkward situations

in the car right now where the girlfriend's counting posts from his Instagram and her Instagram. You hope we're not. You absolutely hope you are. You're thriving on the ill goodness you're causing between people. Am I a bad person?

So just a quick recap if you've just joined us. We've had a message in. Somebody's boyfriend doesn't post about them on social media. No Instagram posts, no Facebook posts apart from one when she said hey, why don't you post about me? You need to post about me.

Is she a bad person for feeling this way? Some responses on our Instagram post. Someone said, life isn't about social media. This is a bit shallow for me. But then if you were being excluded from a part where your partner was, like, proudly showing off other aspects of his life that he enjoyed and you never made the cut. You'd be like, why am I not making the cut yet?

A snapper only just of legal length has made, you know, a post. And also this is two years into a relationship. It's not like it's the start of a relationship where you don't want to have to awkwardly delete a post after you break up two months later. Bingo. Matty McLean replied. He said, shut down, this is a deal breaker. Yeah. Maddie McLean replied. He said,

shut it down, this is a deal breaker. Yeah. Well, he's very proud of his boyfriend, Ryan, who's joined the elite level of real estate agents. I did see that

on Instagram last night. You see a bit of a soppy post there and it's a prime example of showing pride in your loved ones. It is. Kelsey,

what do you think? Is she a bad person for feeling this way? No, I don't think she's a bad person at all. I've had the same thing happen. I was with somebody for four years. We had a house, a dog, a baby.

Our dog made the bio, but we didn't feature at all. The dog made the bio, but not you. Did he even use an emoji of like a couple together? No, nothing. Not even our daughter. And so are you not together now? No, we're not together now. We broke up for other reasons, but looking back, I'm like, this is really weird.

Because again, he was a hunter, diver, posted with the lads all the time. Wow. But yeah. Was he hooking up with one of the lads? I've got to ask. Because that's what some people have texted me, saying about the actual situation we're talking got to ask. Because that's what some people have text messaged in about the actual situation we're talking about at hand.

Yeah, right. If he's always posting about the lads, is he hooking up with one of the lads? Well, there was definite bromances. We did refer to them as a boy band because they were all very close. So, who knows? Yeah, right.

Okay. Keeping each other's secrets or... Keeping each other's secrets. Thanks, Kelsey. Alex, what do you think? Is she a bad person for feeling this way? I don't really think she's a bad person, but, I mean, me and my husband now of 12 years,

we never posted about each other, even from kind of the very start of our relationship. Okay. We weren't secretive about our relationship or everybody that met us knew about it. But we just never posted. And we'd post about everything else. We'd post about going out with our friends. We'd post out, like, even sometimes we were at parties together, and we would take photos with other people and not with each other.

And put those on Facebook. Right, okay. Or Instagram. So it's always been that way. And I've never even really thought about it. And I don't think he has either. Like, we just see real, like, there's just no real need to. Everyone knows we're together.

Yeah, right. So I think that if nobody knows we're together and she doesn't hang out with his friends and they don't know about her, that's an issue. Yeah. But if everyone knows, then everyone knows.

There's no issue. Yeah. But then you've got the other side of the coin. Alex, somebody text messaged you. My ex did this. He said it was nothing to worry about, but it turns out he was on dating sites and wanted to appear single.

Yeah, that's all good. Alex, thanks for your call. Melissa, what do you think? Is she a bad person for feeling this way that her boyfriend's not posting about her on social? I think she's a bad person if she's getting upset about it. I don't know, just my personal opinion.

I'm not too phased about what my partner's posting on social media about what he's getting up to because that's what he wants to share with his mates. But then my posts are quite often about what we get up to as a couple. So does he post any with you, your partner?

Occasionally, like on big occasions like graduation or birthdays and stuff. But often it's just what he gets up to with his mates. Whether he goes hunting or fishing or big occasions like graduation or birthdays and stuff but often it's just what he gets up to with his mates whether he goes hunting or fishing or But what if those big occasions weren't even making the cut though?

Because this, in two years she's been posted about once and it was only after she said hey you never post about me, what's up with that? Maybe if the big occasions weren't being posted But I just think in general Maybe if the big occasions weren't being posted Yeah But I just think in general Like I'm not too phased about what goes on social media

So like whether he posts it or not But that's because you're making the cut She's not making the cut Yeah but also it doesn't sound like you're making the cut that much I'd probably still be a little miffed Oh I'm not too phased Sounds about right You need to get out there and hunt those puaka

with him and the boys. I tried. He went hunting on the weekends and I wasn't invited. Oh, you weren't invited. Well, that's a whole other am I a bad person. Melissa, thanks for your call.

Somebody messaged in saying they can definitely relate to Anonymous. My partner is a PT. Oh, yeah. It's a personal trainer. Yep. Worked that one out myself.

And is hot. We've been together for just over a year at the time when I asked them to share some photos of us. They're trying to stop the constant thirst trap posts and coming ons from other people on social. Yeah, but you want the new clients to think that their new trainers are honey, but they could also date them. Yeah. It's a trap. It's a PT trap. That's what gets the PTs, right?

Yeah. That's what gets the PTs their work. Because then when you're doing something and they push the smaller your back, you're just like, we're in love now. We're in love now. They touched me, so now we're in love. We have to get married now because the hot PT touched me. Yeah.

But then you realise they're hot, but they might not have a lot going on upstairs. You said that not me. You can't marry that. You shouldn't marry that. You've got to connect on a spiritual level. You've also got not a lot going on upstairs. Then that's fine. Two empty attics, buddy.

That's a great housing complex. What would you say to... Somebody else said, this happened to me. And then when we broke up, it turned out that I just wasn't attractive enough to make their grid. You didn't fit the aesthetic. You didn't fit the aesthetic. So if we had to rule in a percentage. I would say that our poll about reflected it.

I'd say about 80% of people saying you're not a bad person for being, for having questions about this at least. Yeah. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. I am the box. But right now the box, $20,000 cash, all thanks to Marvel Studios' Black Widow, in cinemas July 8th and streaming on Disney Plus with premier access July 9th.

Conditions apply. We've got to be close. Like, the clue that was out on Friday was huge. The word, the four-letter word. Is in the trailer. If you. Watch the trailer. Text the keyword, you got the reply, and it was just a hyperlink to the Black Widow trailer.

So the four-letter word has got to be in there somewhere. All right. Hannah joins us. Good morning, Hannah Hello, how's it going? Good, you've done the hard bit You've managed to get through Yes, I've been trying so hard

Okay, so have you poured over the clues? Have you poured over the trailer? I have So I caught on to the trailer And then I had a look at that And I found something in that And then I kind of built on what I saw. Walk us through your blueprint here.

So I went through the trailer and I saw that she was shooting some arrows at a target. Okay. And it had some numbers on it and an X in the middle. And so I built on that. Do you want me to tell you what that is? Yes. So that was, there was 789X. Yeah.

And then on the other side of the X, there was another, there was a 987, so it was kind of in reverse. And that spelled out Styx, S-T-Y-X. So. Okay. And then I had a look and there's a character in Marvel named Sapphire Styx. Look, it looks like she's dead, but maybe she'll come back. I don't know. Okay. And then I had a look, and there's a character in Marvel named Sapphire Six. Look, it looks like she's dead, but maybe she'll come back. I don't know. Okay.

Interesting. So the X in that would stand for the Roman numeral for 10. I guess so. Yeah. I'm not good with Roman numerals. So you're going 7, 8, 9, and then another 9, but in this case, the 9 is the X. Yeah.

Okay, I like this. Yeah. Okay. 7, 8, 9, 9 is the code you want to try. Yes, it is. Okay. All right, let's put that in. $20,000 cash is yours if you are right, Hannah. 8.

Oh, God. 9. Eight. Oh, God. Nine. Nine. Oh, no. Okay. Well, at least now I know. At least you know. You've ruled that out for somebody.

That was a great deep dive, too. That was, yeah. I thought that was pretty good. Yeah, it was very good. I mean, it was wrong, so it wasn't the best, but... Does that mean if that's on the right track, that the X, someone could try a zero or a one for the 10? Perhaps.

I don't know. Yeah. But then they'd have to sacrifice one of the other numbers. One of the letters, and it wouldn't... Yeah. Okay, look. I don't know what it is. Vaughn, you don't know.

We're in the dark as much as you, Hannah. But we do have, for an incorrect guess, a double pass to Marvel Studios' Black Widow. So enjoy that. And we have another chance for you to have a guess and win the cash with Georgia at midday. Brian Clint giving you chances as well. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan.

Can't wait at the social media desk. I was just actually talking about traffic woes and how East Auckland feels like a mile away. That's why I was on a different, I just wanted to explain why I had the out loud thought. That was me retraining my brain to get back onto the topic. Okay. Specifically.

You'll find out why later. Now, Carmen at the social media, I just wanted to bring Everybody along for the ride there I don't want to seem Like an unprofessional You've confused everybody I think People have got a lot

Going on in their lives I think they assume Sometimes we're a one track Right One track pony No that's a one trick pony A one track thing Anyway

Carwin at the social Media desk Was just informing us That a friend of hers Who was using A dating app Called Tinder I believe it's called Slightly out of touch with the dating world myself,

they received an unusual message on Tinder. Yeah. It was a survey. Yeah, so it says, hey, blank, so my mates have set up a questionnaire that they reckon will help me find a date. They made me promise dinner and drinks to the best match, so good luck. Oh, quirky. Jeez.

So this is from a guy to a girl? Yes. This is to your friend? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And so basically this guy has just copied a hyperlink, probably the whole thing,

and all he changes every time is the girl's name that he's sending this to. And he could be sending it to hundreds of people. 100%. To get them to fill out this survey be sending it to hundreds of people. 100%. To get them to fill out this survey. But it's kind of different. Like, you've got to get some kind of cut through when you're messaging all these people if you've got matches,

right? So it's not a post-date survey, you know when you're on the phone with the bank and they're like, this call will be pre-recorded. Please stay on the phone after the call to answer one simple question about the ANZ. I always hang up. I don't want to do that. I wanted to actually stay on.

I rang Vector about some lines thing and they said stay on afterwards to answer and I was going to stay on because it took far too long before it was done and they hung up on me. They must have known that they did a poor job and they're like, no, we don't want that guy answering any surveys. It won't be good for us. Yeah. So, Reid, have you got the link? Can you tell us what these survey questions are?

Yeah. Also, we should share this link just so this guy is inundated with thousands and thousands of answers. We could do that, eh? There's nothing wrong with that. Oh, I don't know about that. Do you have to fill in details to partake in the survey? Yeah.

Okay, we could do fake details. Let's sit on that one. Let's sit on that egg and see if a chicken hatches. Okay, so ask the questions. So the first one is, what is your first name and age? Which he could easily find on Tinder. Yep. Then the second question is... Vaughan Smith, 39.

But then if he's going through all of these responses he's going to need to know the info there. It'd be too much effort to cross-reference. Is the survey on SurveyMonkey? It's a Google Doc. Okay. Oh, okay. I don't know how those work.

Because, you know, those ones where you go and it could say, like, 19% of people who answered were in the ages 30 to 39 sort of thing. Because he really needs the stats. Yeah, he's a stats man. So the second question is, which word describes yourself best? Mystic, visionary, ethical, or adventurous? Okay, this is a job interview now. Yeah, it does sound like a job interview, adventurous Okay this is a job interview now Yeah it does sound like a job interview

There's a job interview descriptive words What else is he asked? I'd rather study dot dot dot And it's like bachelors of certain things Right And then if you were given the day off How would you rather spend it? Netflix, camping, doing skids in a commie

Catching up with Doing skids in a holding commodore as an option for zinning your whole day off. Or catching up on study ensures. Right. And then the last question is rate yourself out of 10. 10. Yeah, obviously, right?

You've got to sell yourself. Yeah. But then why am I selling myself to this chump? Maybe I'll put three. Maybe he's going 10. Yeah, maybe I'll put three. Deal with that. I've answered perfectly so far, but you're dealing with a three out of ten.

And now what do you find out if this guy's shallow? Yeah, right. I mean, I guess he's doing something different. Points for that. But also didn't you say he was pining this off as my flatmates are trying to find me, my flatmates have set up this? No, they haven't. You don't have any flatmates or friends.

You probably live with mum and dad, right? Mum wants me out of the house. Mum's started to egg on about a partner and some grandparent and grandchildren. Okay, so did she fill out the survey? She did, not seriously. Okay, because we've had, this is awkward, we had a text message through to the studio. Oh my God, I received that same message. Didn't do it, though.

Didn't have time for that. I think my friend just wanted to inform him that she was a 10. Right. Oh, right. Right, so she went through all the other stuff. Probably spent the day doing skids in a commie, but she's a straight 10. Executive Antonia, I know you're out of the dating world, but how do you feel about this?

It's a little unusual. Yeah, right. And the quiz, rating yourself. It feels very self-indulgent. It feels like a job interview. It feels like you're applying for the honour of this person considering you. Yeah, right. For further correspondence.

Right. Well, he's got a mini now, but producer Jared, during the global pandemic, early days, you amassed a Guinness World Record of Tinder matches, 456. He's proud of it. Now, what would you say to this man that's doing this? Get a life. First of all, have the balls to say that it's you writing the survey because your flatmates aren't making you write a survey.

No, they're not. And then the questions are... Yeah, they're trying to come across real, like, smart and... Yeah, and, like, no-one's lining up for you, mate. Yeah. You're on Tinder. Yeah, you've got to work hard. There isn't everybody else.

What would you slide in to the honeys? What would your first message be? My openers were always tailor-made to the profile I was messaging. Yes, yes, yes. Like, nice fish. Yes. Yeah. Hey, bro, nice fish.

Yeah. What did that tell you? Could you ask, like, how did you prepare that? Like, was it a light batter or perhaps just like steamed in foil with a lemon and some dill? Nice car. What's it like to drive in something like that? Nice car.

How's the fuel economy? Yeah, the sexy chat. That's how I got it done. Okay, good. So use something in their profile and just ask a question about that. Yeah, but, yeah, just ask questions. Be curious. And this is why you got all the matches.

And this brings us around nicely to East Auckland traffic woes because some girls drove all the way from Howick to West Auckland for Bangers Bingo last week on the hope of meeting producer Jared only to have me break their heart and tell them that he was taken. So that's why I was talking about East Auckland traffic just before.

Ta-da! Full circle. Closed it back up. Tied it up. Put a ribbon on it. Done under the Christmas tree. See? See?

How smooth was that? That was an M. Night Shyamalan movie. It just got to the end and I'm like, oh, what? That's why I'd be a hit. I'm tinder. ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan. The government cabinet meeting today to decide about Wellington's level two and also the travel bubble pause.

Yeah. With Australia. There was talk yesterday, I was watching this one o'clock conference, or no, was it a four o'clock? The post cabinet. Yeah. The post cabinet was a four. And they talked about, and this is in the works, that QR scanning will become mandatory by the sounds of it

for some places and venues. And you know what? Fair enough. Yeah, I've been so slack with this. I've been, when I've got them on the door on the way in, I'll always give it a scan. Yeah. And, you know, a lot of places have people,

I'm saying a lot of places, but like the two places I regularly stop, one of which is Mitre 10, they have someone like standing there. And they say scan in. Yeah, have you scanned in? And I think that's great. And with these, especially now,

like isn't it weird when it first came out, I was like, this is the most contagious virus ever. And then the South African strain came out, I was like like this is the most contagious virus ever and then the South African strain came out I was like this is the most contagious virus ever times two

and the UK strain came out and they're like okay it's got more contagious and now there's Delta strain they're like okay guys it's significantly

more contagious it's just like how much more contagious could it be so things like checking in so contact tracing

so essential yeah I had a friend that went to Sydney Before like all this kind of blew up And they said They went to go to a cafe And they didn't have the app yet They'd only just got to

New South Wales Yeah And the cafe wouldn't let them in So they had to download it Good And so I've done In New South Wales Hospitality venues

Pubs, clubs, cafes and restaurants And hairdressers Are required to use The New South Wales check-in app system. It doesn't say gyms, but gyms you scan your pass so they'd have a record. That's what I think about gyms. They're not right because it's a very sweaty environment. Yeah. But you literally have to scan in. And they've got a computer that reads the fact that you went in at a certain time

yeah and then they'll be able to check the security footage in there of when you left so i think gyms are kind of pretty good tracking already and if you say i belong to this gym they can then go in and see what times you were there and at what you know if you can go to various branches which is good but yeah it might become mandatory as soon as the areas in New Zealand get to a level two. Yeah. It becomes mandatory. And talking about mask wearing everywhere for level two as well. And people will get up in arms about it,

but I think they are over-assuming how much anyone gives an F about where they've been. You know people that are like, I don't want to be tracked. It's like, no one cares where you've been. No one cares as an individual. no one cares where you've been. We just, no one cares. As an individual, no one cares where you've been. We just don't want the virus destroying all the good work everybody's done. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Megan. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. day day yeah do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

beautiful today's thank you today's for getting getting better with age yeah my beauty

yeah like a fine like a George Clooney like a fine wine yeah like a lovely cheese today's

fact of the day is about cicadas okay because do you remember that brood X oh yeah that Today's fact of the day is about cicadas Okay Because do you remember that Brood X? Oh yeah, that they come out of the ground Yeah, once every 17 years And Brood X is like this insanely large

Like trillions of cicadas I've seen lots of cicadas Photos of cicadas and lots of cicada stuff But one thing I have learned about cicadas And this is today's fact of the day Cicadas' wings are antibacterial Oh, they've got really weird See-through skeletal wings

Yeah, yeah, it's a phenomenal wing Well, you might be thinking How are they antibacterial? Do they have some chemical on them That makes them antibacterial? Like a 3M sponge or something But it's not It's not Ajax wings It's not Handy Andy wings It's not Spray it's not. It's not Ajax wings.

It's not Handy Andy wings. It's not Spray and Wipe wings. It's not Detto wings. Yeah. It's the shape of the surface of the wing. Okay. So I've read about it and I am certainly no microbiologist. Yeah.

Of any, you know, at all. Yeah. At all. Well, you've been useless in this pandemic. I haven't solved anything. You haven't solved anything. You've done nothing. Well, you've been useless in this pandemic. I haven't solved anything. You haven't solved anything. You've done nothing. But that's because I specialize in bacteria.

Oh, right. And this is... Microbe. This is virus. Oh, right. I'm a bacteria guy. But so basically, it's the shape of the surface of the wings

are the tiniest, tiniest level. Yeah. The nanopattern effectively acts like a cheese grater to bacteria. When they are on, to bacteria. When the bacteria are on the wings, due to this insanely small pattern, it just pretty much slices

them. It just destroys them. So it's not antibacterial because it's a chemical that kills the bacteria. It's what's described as a nanopattern on the surface of the wing. It'd be like you standing on a very nanopattern on the surface of the wing. Huh. It would be like you standing

on a very sharp a super sharp cheese grater. Oh goodness. No thanks. Or a sewer grate. You know how you walk over a sewer grate? Yep. Except it would be more like a grid not the lines. It would be like small squares but super sharp so when you stood on it

it just literally sliced you and you fell through it. Oh goodness. And you would cease to exist. Yeah right. So when you stood on it, it just literally sliced you and you fell through it. Oh, goodness. And you would cease to exist. Yeah, right. Because you're not in one piece anymore. You're in multiple pieces. Yeah. And that's what makes their wings antibacterial on cicadas' wings.

Now, isn't that amazing? Why was Mother Nature like, you know what? I'm going to give cicadas antibacterial wings. It just developed over time. That's how evolution works. There would have been one little lake change and it would have been beneficial to the species and so the ones that had those wings

would have survived better than the ones without. Yeah, right. So that that became the dominant feature going forward in the wings. Interesting. Yeah. So today's fact of the day is cicadas have antibacterial wings.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. ZDM's Fletch, Ron and Megan. Having a baby is a very panicky time. Oh, yeah, I know. Oh, you know better than anybody out there. Well, I've had a kitten baby. You were in there for its birth. But you were kind of keeping a track, right?

Oh, it's very scary when you get them home and they're little. And you're like, are they going to survive the night? It's so cold. I could do so much wrong here. Yeah, I could stand on it. So humans, human babies, when the labour process, especially the first time, wildly even you've been to all the classes,

you still don't know what's happening. You panic. And you know when you panic, you forget everything. Yeah. Is it better the second time or still as panicking? A little bit, a little bit. But then if you've got the first baby, you've also got to find something to do with the first child.

Oh, yeah. Not COVID. Not COVID. Absolutely. You sneezed so hard your headphones fell off. That came from nowhere till I breathed in and then it was like, I've got a sneeze. There was no forewarning on that one. I do apologise.

Well a guy online has worn it because his partner's out and is saying when she went into labour he asked if he needed to grab the passports. And she said, why would you need to grab the passports? We don't have to travel internationally.

He said, for identification, we might have to prove we're this baby's parents. Okay. Which on the surface, you might be like, oh, that makes sense. But it doesn't because the baby won't have any identification.

No, and it's coming out of your wife. Yeah, it's coming out of the wife. Yeah, it's yours. Whether or not genetically it's yours, you're there as the father figure. You're going to be the child's father for all intents and purposes. So that's a silly thing. He was nervous.

He was panicking. It was a stressful time. So we want to know this morning, what did your partner do when you went into labour? What? Like, did they panic and do something dumb? Yeah. Or did they just do something that annoyed you? Because that's the

other thing. Oh, yeah. You've just got to be supportive in every aspect, every way you can. I only have movies and television shows to relate to this. Yes, but the man in the movie and TV always gets yelled at. Yeah, yeah, he gets yelled at because he's done something stupid. Well, we'll get the ball rolling

because we asked on Instagram a couple of replies. Someone said, my partner went and got a warrant of fitness. When they went into labour. Yeah, but I guess if you're going to drive to the hospital and park on the side of the road, you don't want to get the warrant of fitness ticket. Yeah, that's true. Actually, that's a fair call.

Pop in, get a quick warrant. Yeah. Hopefully you pass. Well, you'd be in trouble if after VTNZ have had a look at it, someone nicks it. Oh, yes, very true. You'll have to get a Uber to the hospital. Someone else said,

First kid, he had a nap. That was very annoying to me. He was supposed to be attentive and supportive. Second kid, he filmed me and put it on an Instagram story with the song Hello Dark as my old friend over the top. Bad song choice.

Bad strike too, buddy. We want to know what your partner did when you went into labour. A man wearing it online because he asked if he should grab the passports. Ha. He is an innocent man who was just trying his best.

He just didn't know. He thought they could be used for ID in case you needed to prove that you were the baby's parents. So? He's at the very light end of the scale of guys that did frustrating things during labour. Somebody messaged in, and I actually said,

I can't believe you had three children with this man. And she said, we've actually had four now, and we're still married, surprisingly. Okay. My husband sat there the whole time complaining about a toothache with the first kid,

used the tube of Bongella and got someone to bring him in some McDonald's because he was hungry. The second kid, he fell asleep and the third kid, he kept walking in and out

saying it was an inconvenient time for him and why does it have to be now? Oh my God. Wow. What happened on the fourth time? We don't know. I don't know. I hope she just knocked him out. Ricky,

what happened when your partner went into labour? He drove an extra 10, 15 k's across the other side of town to get an energy drink and then before heading to my grandparents to drop our other child off because he needed an energy drink.

This was after falling asleep after I told him I was having contractions. Wow. And did he end up making it for the birth? Yes. If he had a detour too much longer, we wouldn't have made it. Wow. Wow.

He was nearly in trouble. He was in trouble. He definitely was. Ricky, thanks for your call. Some other texts. My partner and our first child had a couple of showers at the hospital shower. Apparently it looked like a good shower, so he had a couple of showers in there. Just a couple.

Might have been a long labour. Yeah. And ate McDonald's while reading comic books. Has been more attentive at the other three births. Three, okay. I can't believe guys are getting a second chance at being a father after they balls up the labour so badly. We're talking about the mistakes your partner made

as you went into labour, the whoopsie dozies. Yeah, maybe they panicked. Yeah, there's a lot of panic going on here. Yeah. But there's also a lot of just not reading the room. No. There would be a lot of guys in the dog box after these births. Lisa's called through.

Lisa, what happened when you went into labour? Well, it wasn't my husband really, but my firstborn, my mum came over. We picked her up about three in the morning. And at about 4 a.m. she pulled out her laptop, told me that my labour music was too distracting, that I needed to turn it down and ask my husband for help with her CV. Well, mum's got to get a job to pay for the bills. Pay the bills, you know.

Your labour music, what kind of, I would have thought labour music would have been like relaxing, almost semi-spa massage music. Oh, yeah, when you go to a massage. It was pretty chill music, but kind of, I would have thought labour music would have been like relaxing, almost semi-spa massage music. Oh yeah, when you go to a massage. It was pretty chill music, but too loud for writing a CV, obviously. Yeah, right, right. You should have told mum, nobody's got a CV these days. Everyone just has a LinkedIn profile.

Brilliant. Lisa, thanks for your call. Some messages. Somebody said, apparently when I was born, the hospital called my dad and said, your wife's gone into labor. And he said, do I have two hours to finish this round of golf? Wow. I crumpled on the floor mid-contraction. My husband told me to get up because I was embarrassing myself. I'm a midwife. I see the full spectrum of this sort of thing. The worst, the most annoying as a midwife is the dad who sits on his phone

and isn't very attentive the entire time. But then when the baby's out, he's the first to get a photo and put it up on social media to announce to the world that the baby's here. Yeah, right. Some other text messages are people who made massive mistakes. I tell you what, and there's no shortage of them either. My first son was born in Melbourne

on Melbourne Cup Day. He was two weeks early. I hadn't had, my husband hadn't had time to place his bets on the big race so he took off from the hospital

to find a TAB to place a bet. No. When I was in labour. That can wait. During the first labour, my husband had a soccer game. I said, no, go to the soccer game. Things here are going very slowly.

Go to the soccer game. He went to the soccer game. Don't risk it. He got back. Did he? He got back. Oh, wow. But the minute I sent him away, I was like, I've made a huge mistake

and I can't even be angry at him because I told him to go yeah but then trust me as a man that's been given permission to do something and then gets in trouble for doing it

say it was a test yeah that's what you say every time it was a test and you failed the test but you gave me permission no I didn't know I was testing you

there's always a way to get in trouble.