ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - NSFW: ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan International Podcast Special - Part One

Episode Date: April 23, 2018

WARNING: CONTAINS EXPLICIT LANGUAGE. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan present the International Podcast Special.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

CDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The Podcast. Jesus. Yep. Good. Good song to start with. That is a good start. Welcome to the International Podcast Shoutouts Cocktail slash G&T Edition. Slash cheese board. I'm Beyonce. Beyonce. I said it first. No, you're Michelle. That's why I pointed to you. I'm the one that left early. Beyonce. No, you're Michelle. That's why I pointed to you. I'm the one that left early. Beyonce. No, no, no.

The fourth one. Oh, the real bitchy looking one. I can't see this going anywhere. She was full of awful short-term decisions. Just before we start, if we could all just bow our heads, I just want to give thanks to Cheezers. That's Poo-Hooi Valley Cheezers, who have supplied us with delicious cheeses for today's podcast

special, Cheese Platter. And? She's had one slice of bread and half a G&T, and she's talking into a glass in the microphone. I talked into my drink. We should also do a toast. To Princess Diana. And Kanye's 2008

album. A beautiful dark twist of fantasy. Fantasy. And Kanye's 2008 album. A Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. Some of the finest art. To die. To die. To die. And to Kanye's album. To die. To die. To die. Anya's brought our boots. We're going to deal with

that on the show next week. It's got us furious. We can't be friends. Let's start, shall we? Get these underway. Should we maybe say sozzies about being a bit late with this? You've said it now. I'm not apologising.

I'm not apologising for spending my free time how I want to spend my free time. Okay, all right. But there are heaps. We've edited them down somewhat, so if you hear your shout-out, I maybe didn't hear all the details you remember typing. But let's face it, you probably don't remember what you typed because it was a long time ago. Also, Vaughan has a microphone stand on his couch. And Megan just asked him if he owns a microphone stand.

Not! Do you have a mic stand at home? He's a special guy. I wasn't sure. No, I know. James bought this from work. And so I can have a hand for drink, a hand for cheese, and also sit the computer on my lap. And when he does his John Mayer with his guitar at home on a Friday night.

Your body is a wonderland. Will there be any comment from your lovely wife Sade today? She's just here for the cheese. Again, thanks to Poo Hoy Valley for the wonderful selection of cheeses. I promise them we're paying off those cheeses with mentions. Right, okay. Let's start with Laura. First of all, she said a shout out to Ben Blake.

He's 30 on the 2nd of February. Oh, it's the same as Andrew's birthday. He's from Upper Hutt near Wellington and currently lives with me in London. He listens to the show and the podcast every day and follows you guys on Snapchat, which is dying, isn't it? It's dying. They don't get many views now, do they? No.

I can't even remember the last time I posted a Snap. Can I have a bit more headphones, Megan, please? Snare and muck. I've just actually had a text message from my friend Rawiri, who organised the Poohoi. Also included some flavoured milks, just letting you know in case Sade got stuck into the flavoured milks before your arrive time.

If anybody feels like a flavoured milk, there's someone there. Do we have anything that would go with a flavoured milk shirt? Kahlua? Baileys? We do have some Miduri. Oh, no. We've got some Miduri in the hidden booze cupboard. Laura says she's originally from London,

so it was Ben that introduced me to the show. On Ben's birthday, we'll be in Parforce or Parforce in Cyprus of course they were at the Commonwealth Games weren't they Cyprus they were yes really unexpected

I'm not sure how the shout outs work but I'd be grateful if he gets one just saying happy birthday Ben Blake hope you're enjoying the sun in Cyprus

and thank you for being an incredible boyfriend love from your girlfriend Laura and all your family in Upper Hutt this is going to be the problem isn't it?

That was just a joke. His birthday was months ago. Oh, I thought you meant the Pauls' war to take a gym. No, they're not in Cyprus anymore, and hopefully still together. Not in Cyprus anymore, Toto. Caitlin Sanderlance is next. A shout-out for her almost-husband, Andy Smallman. When are they getting married?

He's been listening to the podcast. Yeah, we'll get there. He's been listening to the podcast for years. I know it would have meant a lot to him. We're getting married on the 26th of January 2018 in Cambridgeshire. Is it Cambridgeshire? Cambridgeshire. Cambridgeshire. I think. Stupid

English. Thanks from Caitlin. Oh, who's not stupid? That was just more about the people that decided Shire won't be pronounced fully in any of your place names. Well, congrats. I hope it went well. I'm sure it did. I'm sure they've enjoyed a honeymoon by now.

Maybe, you know, that's a few months ago. Getting close to the divorce. Three months ago, I'd say they could be rushing straight into unprotected sex in the hope of fertilization and reproduction of cells leading to offspring in nine months' time. Jim Broadman. John Broadman. Jim Broadman is the old actor of Bridget Jones. He is, isn't he? Did he die?

No, no. Who died recently? It was in the recent Paddington 2 film, and I'll tell you, I've said it once, I'll say it again, Paddington 1 and Paddington 2, two wonderful films. Wonderful films. John is writing this from Nelson Airport en route to Vancouver. For my host sister's wedding on Vancouver Island,

I was an exchange student in Canada in 2001. I almost didn't make this trip, so it's a reward and a life achievement. I've had a shit year. I'm immensely thankful I didn't let the dark thoughts get to me. I owe it to my partner, a very close friend, and my dog for getting me through. I don't want to go on about it or bring the shout-outs down, but I do want to tell anyone else going through the same thing or generally feeling useless at life, it does get better,

and you can get through this. Anyway, I've been looking forward to this trip for so long, I wanted to say thanks to everyone in the podcast fam for being so good to each other and you guys for the podcast. Love you lots. Stay safe, stay positive. John, P.S., if you do the potty from the seller's Kiteri batch,

I can be on cocktail duty. Oh, no bloody way. We can't even get that for a weekend in winter. Megan can't even get that for a weekend. Unless we personally

book it on Airbnb and batch or whatever. Yeah. No, I haven't been to that place for years. Or kidnap Aunty Marg and hold her for ransom. Raniera, Kaio is next.

Kia ora, kia ora. And then six hongis. How did you do there, Vaughan? Do not narrow. Token Māori listener here in happy. Wiki o te rio, Māori language week. How good is that Dave Dobbin Welcome Home re-release in Te Reo? I haven't heard it.

No. Have you heard it? James, you've got in charge of music. Is there any chance you could have a quick search for Dave Dobbins' re-releases? No, I'll have a quick look. Also, how was Vaughan's Māori pronunciation? Would it be on Apple Music? It was terrible.

To me, it sounded very welcoming. You said Te Riu instead of Te Reo. Tēnā koe e kara. Kato kau wahana. Mē kana. Kata reana. Heme te tuarua me enia. I don't think it's Tuarua. Okay.

I think it's Tua, T-U-A, Rua. Tuarua. Oh, okay. Heme Te Tuarua. It's Taurua, isn't it? Taurua. No, that would be an A in any U. That was Tuatara and Tuarua.

No, is this it? We'll be able to tell when the lyrics kick in. Is that cicada in the song or outside? It's certainly in the song. It's certainly in the song. Very windy for cicadas, Megan. Oh, no, here it is. Got it.

It's the same song. Sounds the same. No, in different language. Oh, of course, yeah. They don't change the music. No cicada. Oh, okay. Maldives don't change the music. No cicada. Oh, okay. Maldives don't have cicadas.

Good spotting. Why did they take the cicada out? I don't know. Were they introduced by the Europeans? Yeah, I don't know. Is this Dave? Yeah, it's Dave. Killed him.

Because that sounds really good. He's doing really well. Jermaine Clement did his song in Moana as the crab and then when the Māori re-release

of Te Reo came out of the soundtrack he sung it all wow it was yeah he did a good job he did a great job anywho

I must acknowledge you can keep going there let's keep going with some Dave Durbin classics though yeah I must acknowledge and congratulate your Te Reo-diction.

It's mainly positive in presenters like yourselves. Jack Tame, Scotty Stevenson, and Guyon Espiner do a lot for normalisation. Tilts head back. That's in bold, so I'm imagining that's an instruction. Cheer. Cheer. Right, loophole. May I please have an IPSO to my main cousin, Liz.

A total sluzz, tight-ass cow, arrogant... Kuntara? Kuntara? And a bitchy hoo-ah. But we still love, but we still mostly love you, cuz. Sending out Aroha to you on your big move to Ranana, which is London. London's got a Maori name. Kia ora.

Ranana. You'll love it. The first year away sucks, but after that it gets slightly better. We've both been listening since producer Chris. Oh, yeah, Crater. A long time ago. Yeah. TGS Hard.

What does that mean? TG, TGS Hard. TG. TGS Hard? Is that a Chris reference, do you think? No, I don't know. No. Tommy Guts Scratcher Hard maybe. He did have this He doesn't listen to the podcast does he?

No, I don't think so. He did have this thing where he'd come into the studio and itch his tummy when he was talking to you about things. But where he knew we took the piss out of him on that. That's what I just did it on camera. Yeah, I saw you doing it. There you go. Yeah. Hey, current producers, never leave us. Don't do a weird thing because we notice.

Why do you see everything weird every day? Like what? Yeah, it's hard to pinpoint one for you. Did you just see Fletch like shove this microphone like almost down my throat? Aggressively in your gob. He wanted comment, like an aggressive media scrum. I was getting in there. Oh, you've got a microphone.

Hello. Wait, why is Caitlin's microphone louder than mine? I'm on the show. She doesn't have headphones to monitor herself. Hello. Okay, yeah, okay. Now we're both adulting with real jobs and podcasts keep us sane. Mehete, like a boss.

Kune marika, which means yes, queen. Yas, queen. Say it again. Can you show me? K-U-I-N-I. Kune. Kune, because that's queen, right? Yeah.

Kune marika, which is Yas, queen. Oh, I like it. Lastly, as the furthest north dweller in New Zealand, according to the TGA Fano map, that's it. Lastly, as the furthest north dweller in New Zealand, according to the TGA whanau map, that's the podcast family, next time you're all in the winterless north, let me know. Seafood hookups, Maori order. I was there. I was staying in Rangiputa over Easter.

It's such a beautiful spot. It's a great spot for seafood. And then up on the Karikari Peninsula, it's heaven. The water's too warm up there to grow your big seafood, but man, it's good. Oh, they grow some sticky buds up there, mate. Oh, I did that. Well, that's not in the sea, though.

No. That doesn't grow in the ocean. Also, I don't think you need a warrant past. No, no, no. Kerry, Kerry. Yeah, Kerry, Kerry. For the North Warren. Because he was some purely optional.

I was like, how's that got a warrant? Oh, that's right. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't even have a license plate sometimes. No. Matty Salt is next. This is my wee short international podcast shout out.

Just arrived home from the beautiful Rarotonga. 10 out of 10. Would recommend. I know this will be read out in your Christmas special. And that day special. I really hope that you're a few margaritas there. But I just want to say thank you for the podcast. My life is full of

constant stress with uni and working and your adults at times have provided a much needed welcome respite from it all. I hope you have an amazing break and Megan's wedding

goes off without a hitch. It did, didn't it? It did, thank you. Love from aspiring friend of the show, Maddie Salter. Or we can, you don't need to be

aspiring, Maddie, we've been just self-promoted. Yeah, she was fishing for that though you gave it to her. You gave it to her easy. Fair enough. Later on, I don't need to be Aspiring Maddie We've been just Self promoted Fishing for that Though you gave it You gave it to her You gave it to her easy Later on I don't think I'll be

Giving these out as easy All day No later on You'll be giving them out Easier After a few I get stricter I get harder

Don't know Sade I get harder To get After After a few drinks I play hard to get Yuck Yuck.

Yuck. And then shout out is like, okay. Ian Milne, international bonger. Shout out. Fletch, Megan, Matriarch of Cuteness, and of course, Caitlin, James 2.0, and the bloody legend, Anna. Calm down. What? This is pre-her buying Ugg boots, though, so.

I'm currently cruising through the Pacific Ocean with Fiji Tonga on the Isle of Pine on the horizon. I'm finally getting myself an un-loophole to our international podcast shout-out. Massive shout-out to Justin Crosswell. Love your casual bants and your not-so-G-rated conversations. I can't wait to hit up Dunners later this year with you. And of course, as much as we didn't get into the Fact of the Day pub quiz, I want to shout out to the Wellington Badgers. Love the banter, even though we all never met.

Roto, I'm off to soak up the rays on the beach and Fletch, it must be time to start cutting for Christmas in the park again with all that penetration. Christmas penetration, that is. Christmas penetration, yeah. How was penetration for you over Christmas? Well, I was in Europe for three weeks. There was certainly a lot of Christmas markets.

A lot of, yes. White Christmas. Take your pick. Was it a white one on Christmas? What is a white Christmas? It's when it snows. Yeah. Matt Beach is next. Christmas. What is a white Christmas? It's when it snows. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah, all right. Matt Beach is next. I would like to request an international podcast shout out. My name is Matt Beach. I'm from Nelson. Long time listener. This is the problem.

What? Our ratings are shit out of Nelson because they all listen but they bugger off and listen to the podcast. Oh no, they all listen to the podcast.

Yeah. No, but our frequency is shit in Nelson. No, don't say just because you're from Nelson there's nothing wrong with the frequency. No, there is. It's the only reason you're. Just because you're from Nelson, there's nothing wrong with the frequency. No, there is.

It's the only reason you're on the show. You're from Nelson and it's a shit. Bloody hell. My name, Matt Beach. I'm currently riding this on my long-ass flight to Dubai where I'll spend the next two weeks exploring before heading to Sydney to attempt to be the best man at my mate's wedding. I'd like to shout out to my beautiful boyfriend, Alex, back home.

He doesn't listen to the podcast, but I wanted to show off the fact I have a boyfriend for once. Although, also, to get a bit serious, I wanted to shout out, over the last few years, I've suffered from major depression and anxiety. And the podcast and quality banter have helped me through some pretty shit times. So, a huge thanks. That's all from me. Keep on keeping on. And here it is.

And it means a drink. The first mention of the show secret. Matt, yes, correct Cheers To Princess Di To Princess Di I think your brain's a bit strong, Carl I'm surprised Mum's even drinking

I've got to drive home No, I think we're going to be calling Oh, if you're driving That's all you're having today Why is it half and half? I've gone through half a bottle of gin in the first round. Also, by the way, Poo Hoi, someone mentioned in the photo I posted on the international page, Poo Hoi do a gin. Where the hell is your mate Ranui with the gin?

I'm going to text him right now. Say, dude, Poo Hoi do a gin. Is there any truth to the rumour Poo Hoi also do a gin? Because that could be a good in. A cheap gin Is there any truth to the rumour Poo-Hoy also do a gin? Because that could be a good in. A cheap gin source. Any truth to the rumour. Also, by the way, we are drinking today. We are drinking the gin that was accidentally delivered to me.

Yay! That we've delved into that box of six now. So I've now got five bottles left. Any truth to the fact Poo-Hoy do a... Fucking hell. A gin. And then I'm going to send them a photo of the platter. Oh, good platter.

Cheese underway. Thanks, mate. Cheese under. Sorry, everybody. A little bit of housekeeping here. Just behind the scenes how we get free cheeses. And these are great cheeses, aren't they? Great cheeses.

I think that blue cheese is a people pleaser. Because sometimes they can be a bit stanky, but that blue cheese. I remember when I first met you, you hated blue cheese. I was anti-blue cheese. Yeah. Who got you onto blue cheese? Oh, here we go. Who got you into that TV show?

Sade loves a blue cheese. And yeah, she loves a blue cheese. So the two greatest women in your life? Wow. I mean, apart from Christine. Well, my mother wouldn't touch a blue cheese. She'd very, she'd have an Edam. And maybe a Tasty if it was a Friday night.

But other than that. Baby boomers are a bit weird with cheeses. Even brie would be a bit much for her. They'll add mint to salads though, which is not a bad idea. Oh, great idea. It's making a comeback. They'll put peas. My nan put peas.

She's beyond a baby boomer though. Louise Von Benzen is next. Pretty please make an IPSO. A long-term listener already to hit the key points to get you drinking for the inaugural end of year podcast session. I'm heading to the green bonnie fields of Scotland. Vaughan will be hitting as many distilleries as possible.

Prepare for the instapix. Al von Batman. Shameless plug. I shall then head to Germany to celebrate my grandmother's 90th. She lived through a bunch of shit that makes my life look like a frolic through a field of daisies. What? Well, she's 90 and she's in Germany, I'd say World War II.

Okay, yeah, fair point. And then the following years of sort of the world not really trusting Germany again. East and West. Yeah, okay, I'll give you that. Fair comment. Although trying to keep the short and sweet for Safety Dad, shout out to the fam, you're top notch. And shout out to the show.

You got me through some crappy times. Still not as crappy as living through World War II, but hey, I'm a millennial and this is my complaint. Keep up the podcast. That's from Louise. Next is Ben Smith. This is to my fabulous fam who decided to head overseas to visit family and roots in the lovely nation of America.

Because you're in America now, boy. My sisters Leah, Micah, Shana, Kimmy, and friend Alza have been making everyone they left behind incredibly jealous. They've visited the Grand Canyon at sunrise, tramped through Yosemite, got altitude sickness, climbing mountains, got snowed in and visited all the pretty spots in the US. My mum joined them halfway through their adventure To go visit family Both of my parents are from the Midwest

Mum was from Peculiar, Missouri And my dad was from Normal, Illinois How's that? Mum's from Peculiar And his dad's from Normal So us kids were all a strange mix of Normal and Peculiar So all the great presents in American candy That they're bringing home with them would be much appreciated. Thanks for the podcast.

Make the days at work bearable. When you're droning on in the earbuds while I'm cleaning pools. Droning. Yeah. Not a good adjective, is it? No. No. Not a complimentary adjective.

Hopefully this gets read out in the end of year podcast special. Well, I mean, close to it. And you guys have been pretty slack this year. Again, not a compliment. The girls aren't yet hardcore listeners, so hopefully this will get them listening a bit more and over the mark from Ben. Paige, Jessie is next. Fletch, Vaughan, Megan, producer Caitlin and producer James and Anya.

My name is Paige. I'm currently in the middle of a three-month stint in bloody good old Australia. I'm an ED nurse, and I'm doing six-week contracts in rural Australia. Just finishing up in Griffith, which is a bit like Blenheim, and now off to a place just out of Canberra called Queen B-Anne. Queen B-Anne. Queen, it said Queen B-Anne. Queen B-Anne.

Queen B-Anne, then Queen B-Anne. Australia life is good, dare I say it. Everyone here is really friendly with a few dickheads thrown in the mix. I'm sick to death of being teased about my accent, but hey, Aussies aren't very original, so we'll let them have that one. Quick IPSO for the podcast, getting me through some homesick moments. Shout out to Tori James, long-time listener, Ultimate GB. Thanks for the show.

I'm way behind on the podcast, but I'll catch up. Nice. We're way behind too, so we can't blame you. But it's got to be some kind of new end of year, new year, somewhere in the world. When's the Chinese New Year? Wasn't that like Bean Year? Thai? Is Thai done?

It's underway, eh? This is the Thai New Year shoutouts good Emily Rogers dear everybody I'm writing to formally request an international podcast

shoutout long time listener first time IBSO requester a life louder is my shameless Instagram plug my shoutout is

to you guys in the international Ipso family as despite my constant watering on about the podcast, no one else I know is cool enough to listen in. You've been with me as I pack my bags and move to London. Come along on the daily commute and trips around Europe

distracted me on my runs along the Thames and earned me many strange looks as I have giggles on those runs. Londoners don't seem to do happy while in transit. No, they don't. Thanks for that. Another mention of the show's secret, so that's another drink. To die, to princess die.

To princess die. Hopefully this makes a podcast. Hope 2018 is going well. That's a great assumption there that it would be 2018 before you heard this. Please keep doing you. I'm going to have no idea how I'm going to cope

moving back to a small town in New Zealand after the big city life and travel opportunities of London, but I'm safe in the knowledge idea how I'm going to cope moving back to a small town in New Zealand after the big city life and travel opportunities of London, but I'm safe in the knowledge that I'll be able to listen to the podcast when I get back. Don't move back to the small city. New Zealand's got some big cities. It's cheaper though, isn't it? Yeah, it is.

Lydia Donaldson. I'd like to make an international podcast shout out. I'm a relatively new podcast listener, but I've listened for a number of years. I'm picking that when you're reading this out, I'll be playing horse polo in Argentina. What is that sentence? I'll be playing horse polo in Argentina. Make sure you use the correct accent when reading polo.

Polo we do. Polo. Polo. My Insta is Lydia M Donaldson, and hopefully I have some epic shots of me pretending like I know what I'm doing. And then you're going to dial that up, Megan, because I want to see what horse polo looks like in Argentina. Yes. In Argentina.

We've seen it placeful. Horse polo. Donaldson. Do you need any help with the spelling? But she's been doing acro... What do you call it? Like acrobatics. Silks.

At the circus. Aerial acrobatics. Yeah. Right. What is she a polo playing acrobat? Oh, there's the polo picture. Oh, lovely. Oh, that's lovely.

Lovely. My cousin Louie is a Kiwi living in LA. She's a regular listener also and one of my favourite people ever. And I'd like to let her know Colin, our jointly owned dog, misses his mum terribly and we can't wait to see you at Christmas time. I worked out the show secret.

There's another mention. To die. To lady die. To lady die. Princess die. Do we say lady die or princess die?

Either or. Either will suffice. People princess toilet what you want. I knew it before it was a secret. Did you say toilet what you want?

People princess toilet what you want. Toilet what you want. Half a gin. I'm talking about my pillow. My pillow. Oh you're talking about your pillow. you want. Half a gin. I'm talking my pillow. My pillow. Oh, you're talking your pillow.

I'm talking my pillow verse. Okay. And my pillow verse. The secret ever comes out, I'll be stoked to finally know for sure, but also a little sad that the mystery will have come to an end. What secret? The show secret. Merry Christmas.

Wow, Lydia, a few months off, but Merry Anzac Day. I just licked my microphone Fuck you two Are lifeless No I licked my lips But my microphone Was close to my face You drink every day

I'm not even drunk You get in your eyes I'm pretty cute eh There it is First match First self confession Of cuteness Amber Soljan is next

I'm messaging for an international podcast. Shout out. I've been listening to the show for as long as I can remember. I used to listen to you on the drive home from school. That doesn't make people feel old. This is what my physio said to me the other day. She's like, how long have you been doing this radio thing? And I was like, a while.

She's like, how long with Warren? And I was like, because I remember listening to you guys when I was coming back from school. And now she's a professional physio. Yeah, I used to listen to you two at broadcasting school. Old. Or wise. We were just young. We got into it young.

I got a job at 12. We were 12-year-olds. That's why you heard us on air. I'm currently on my gap year type trip with my boyfriend. We've actually just finished our trip across Europe. You're welcome to check it out on Instagram at Let's Get Lost and then what looks like

two or three underscores. One, two, three. Three underscores. That was a good way of working that out, deleting those. Yeah, that's how I work it out. You're a smart man, underscores. We've been gone for two months and are currently in Dublin and tomorrow we head to Canada for three weeks before finally coming home. You've been my go-to on long bus rides and sleepless nights,

my little slice of home in connection to New Zealand. Is that a... They put up a picture of a bear, a big grizzly bear. Fuck that. That's good. That's close, isn't it? See, if I went to Canada, I'd just Google a bear, and then put it up and be like, oh my God, I saw this bear.

There's no way I'd be that close to a bear. When I was a kid, my dad's friend went to Alaska and shot one and had it turn into a rug. You wouldn't be allowed to do that anymore, right? Well, you wouldn't be allowed to tell people. My parents did that with a kangaroo in Australia. You can see the bullet hole. No, that's fine though.

And the rug. Yeah, you can see the bullet hole. I've seen the rug. Have I seen the rug? Yeah, it's on the floor in there. Yeah, it's on the wall. Oh, is it on the wall? They've hung it on the wall.

Has it been moved? Because the fur is wearing off. Yeah. But you can see the bullet hole. I love parents. My parents would be the same. Rather than chucking it away. Yeah.

They're like, put it on the wall. We'll get some more life out of it. Could be a well-worn wall ornament. Rather than just in the bin. I emailed Vaughan about university plans and stuff earlier this year. Well, it's great. I mean, turn to me. I've got mentors.

You're a guru. I do mentoring. Yeah. And when he replied, he knew about my family's vineyard. Oh! Soljan. Soljan. Oh, Soljan Estate.

Yeah. I probably just took a shot on that because I'm like, there could be a chance of free booze here. If you're ever in the area, give me a heads up and I'll happily show you guys around the vineyard. Any free booze though? Can we do a tasting? Can we do a tasting?

It would be heavily hinted at before we arrived. Heavily hinted at. And then you make this offer to pay, knowing that they're most likely to say, no, no no no your money's no good here put that away unless they say pay

and you're like unbelievable just for myself though everyone else can pay for themselves hopefully this will make the Christmas cocktail shout outs

either this year or next year who knows either way happy Halloween happy Guy Fawkes merry Christmas happy New Year

happy Anzac Day and merry Anzac Day and I hope you have a wonderful Easter as the eggs say pause can we hear something other than Dave now you're sounding a bit dreary isn't he Happy Anzac Day. And Merry Anzac Day. And I hope you have a wonderful Easter. As the eggs say. Pause. Can we hear something other than Dave now?

He's sounding a bit dreary, isn't he? Over his shirt. I think this was that period of his life when that guy was in prison. And he was like, let him out. Let him out. He got on that bandwagon? I mean, he was wrongly imprisoned, you would say. My favourite Dave Dobbin is Footrot Flats soundtrack. Well, that was with Feet Herbs, wasn't it?

Feet Herbs. I need to go wheeze. Just please be careful with that, Jen. Hang on, Caitlin. Pick up the microphone to talk to us, please. Question, how do you spell pussy? Because if you write it P-U-S-S-Y, that's pussy. It's not a word.

Pussulent. Pussulent. Oh, no, I'm not writing that. I'm going to spell pussy. There's a lot of pus. But then to shorten pussulent, you just put pussy. What's the sentence? What is pussy?

But just in brackets. In brackets, put not. I'm talking about pussy itchy bites. Yeah. And what are you talking about it for? Because I'm writing an article for Survivor. Oh. Well, you just put, I had some pusulent scabs.

Weeping. My itchy bites started weeping. Weeping itchy bites. Oozing. Oozing. And weepy bites. Weeping. Oozing, weeping, infected. Infected itchy bites.

Gashes. Infected. Or wounds. Infected. Is this Wham, James? Caitlin's writing an article about her time on Survivor New Zealand. Yeah, because we didn't tell everybody, but at the time you secretly went to Thailand for like a week.

You just disappeared from the show. We weren't allowed to tell anybody. I know. Because you knew where it was filmed and nobody else did. I know. And the bum, the poos thing was that before the big, what was it, a typhoid? To the left, yeah. Typhoon.

It was a typhoon. Cyclone. A cyclone. And it was originally going to be down by like Krabi and stuff, eh? Or no, down by... Oh, I can't remember. It was going to be down by like Krabi and stuff, eh? Or no, down by... Oh, I can't remember. It was going to be on the... Phuket.

No, it was going to be down on the coast form, wasn't it? Thailand? Before that cyclone? So it was going to be like kind of in an inlet beach kind of area. But now it's like kind of up the north, an estuary kind of down by somewhere. Right, wake me up before you go, go. And Caitlin, a lot of hot contestants on Survivor. All of them were hot.

They all had boyfriends. I tried to flirt with them, yeah. Oh, girlfriends. I was going after the boys. That's right, you were too. I tried some of the girls, but it was a struggle with the girls too. Just came back alone, as usual. Well, I'm back on that break brought to you by Poo Hoy Cheese.

Has he messaged back about the gin? No. Maybe it's a different company, but then surely they'd have a trademark. Are you going to trademark your cheese? It's a location, Poo Hoy. Oh, right. It's a spot. It's geographical.

A little gin to wash down that cheese. That's why broadcasters don't eat cheese. Dairy, any dairy. Yeah, well, they say that, don't they? Don't eat cheese Dairy, any dairy Yeah, well they say that don't they Don't eat chocolate for breakfast, okay Oh there's an ant Die Oh I feel bad, I shouldn't have killed him There's plenty more where that came from

David Gifford Moore is next After years of listening and travels to Peru, Thailand And Papua New Guinea, I finally got round to requesting an episode At 50 I'm perhaps a little outside your demographic, but I like to think what I make up for, I make up for that with a lack of maturity and being part of the fam. Well, that's why we...

It's a psychographic. It's never a demographic. Thank you. My partner Sue's an amazing woman and is currently working for Medeus and Sons Frontier, or Doctors Without Borders, in South Sudan. Wow. Wow, that's amazing.

Why the puck does he listen to us? Light relief from what sounds like a pretty heavy... Like when you watch the Kardashians, you don't have to think. It's like when someone said our show was on in a brain surgery theatre. I was like, that's just mental. That is. Excuse the pun. like, that's just mental. That is. Excuse the pun. Yeah, yeah.

Mental surgery. Not all that far from where Caitlin is headed, because they were in South Sudan, except South Sudan's a little more shooty. I wonder if his wife shat herself on the bus as well, like you. I didn't shit myself. I went and shat in the toilet, but I didn't have any toilet paper, so I used my sock to wipe my bum.

Different to shitting yourself. I got rid of the sock that had the poo on it. Okay. Right. It's not shitting yourself. It's shitting and then wiping your bum with your sock. Yeah. I'd say if you were a doctor without borders,

that would just be every other day. They'd probably be prepared. It would be an early mistake to make in the Doctors Without Borders career path. My wife works, my partner works six days a week in conditions you wouldn't believe and gets two weeks off in six months. So I'm here to make sure she rests up and we get to hang out. Taking in the MotoGP races in Australia, Malaysia on the way. We'll rest in Zanzibar and take a look at some real wall-off

and hopefully no dickheads like Australia. I write this not knowing if the boys have returned from Mount Taranaki. Oh, we made that out alive, didn't we? Piece of cake. Bit of rain never hurt anybody apart from a lot of people. So hopefully you guys have made it out alive. I listened to the show for many years. Won't single out any of you as you're all part of the team.

Episodes are a favourite thing. Generally get a little more loose. I met Vaughan and Sade at Adele. Do you reckon it was that couple that talked to us at Adele? In the line. They were very, very nice, weren't they? Unlikely as to be read while I'm away as I get back the end of November. If this makes the 12 hour Christmas special

I'm figuring the backlog will have grown to epic proportions by then That'd be great If not, maybe something for Sue to hear when she heads home in February Oh, we've nailed that Two Dave and Sues with one bird Stone I don't know Two Dave and Sues with one bird

Yep, it got there in the end Abby Bradford is next And you'll remember Abby is our rock lawyer because she did geology and a side of law. Loved university, didn't she? Loved it so much. Ipso plays for a regular, a common contributor, and a loophole exploiter. Currently on the train in Sicily from Catania to Palermo, where we'll catch the overnight train to Naples

so we can go to Almalfi for the gram. I've taken three weeks off work, and I'm currently in week two. We started the journey at Oktoberfest, and that was amazing. Some kind of Disneyland for grown-ups with rides. So much food. Ridiculous quantities of beer and drunk Kiwis and Australians passed out and or spewing everywhere. That's us.

I'm definitely going back. We've been in Italy for five days, and I've already eaten so much pasta and delicious pastries. Europe is as bad as it is seriously fitting my Nutella addiction. Don't worry. I bought some new Nikes for my trip, because if you don't have Nikes, are you even on holiday? Hashtag basic bitch.

I've saved up podcasts for the journey, although rudely you went on holiday at the same time, meaning I've had to be conservative with my listening. Shout out to the travel squad, Ebony, Courtney, Rachel, my sister Justine,

who's an avid listener, and Penny, who regularly listens to my complaining about first world problems. I hope you guys had a good time on your hiking trip and maybe even saw the famous mountain. Cheers to the podcast.

Aaliyah Trilley, Gossip Girl. Killed it. Thanks, Abby. Nick Prins is next. Hey. Have we talked on before? His name sounds familiar. I'm emailing this as I don't use Crackbook or the Grams or the Snapchats. I do use Twitter but I don't need to stalk my New Zealand motorsport

heroes. This is an international podcast. Shout out as I'm off to Rarotonga. This was sent on the start of October 2017. I'm a podcast listener. It took me way too long to think about tuning into the podcast. I've been listening for years on the commutes to work,

but I only like listening to talk. I don't like the music that your station plays. Nothing personal. And then one day my brain ticked. I thought, what about a podcast? Now I don't miss in. Now I don't like the music that your station plays. Nothing personal. And then one day my brain ticked. I thought, what about a podcast? Now I don't miss a single podcast. I don't miss them.

So thanks. I don't want to take up too much time. You've probably got 40 pages of shout-outs. 16 more, but that's only the first half. I don't want to take too much time up. I haven't been able to podcast, so I'll respond to one of my most recent here. Vaughn, you were recently

talking about the Asian culture and how they squat all the time. Sharday's like, what? They do. Most Asians can squat with their feet flat on the ground, butt down to their ankles and sit perfectly balanced with no effort, whereas

non-Asians can't do it without falling over backwards, even if either of them have never tried it before. And we can't do it for long. Very interesting. I've always been jealous and wished I could squat for a longer time. I think it's just you're used to doing it, aren't you? Like if you did Pilates. No, but he's saying that you read a

thing saying even if Asians have never done it before. Right. There's a genetic disposition to squat. Yeah. I don't know if that's a thing is it? To squat and hover. Sonia Wood is next.

I can legit send one through one of these. Big shout out to my favourite pal Hayley who introduced me to the show. The last time I travelled abroad while

doing a flight between San Fran and Vegas. I started listening with her on the plane. So long sucky other radio stations it's aggressive right now I'm wanting I'm on an adventure with my two kids

doing the whole LA experience Disneyland Universal Studios Knott's Berry Farm Scary Wildfires As We Depart which is very sad here are some top some bullet points

about the podcast the Bantz is good you don't need lame pranks to keep a smile on my face the big team the way you've made a family out of the team and how much shit you give each other podcast. The Bants is good. You don't need lame pranks to keep a smile on my face. The Big Team, the way you've made a family out of the team and how much shit you give each other. The Insta goodness. Love following all the stories. The Potty, as I'm a reluctant exerciser, but I know I can listen to the podcast while I'm exercising. And swears on podcast. Love hearing

swear words. It's unusual. Can I get a fuck yeah? Fuck yeah. And finally, your big hearts, which is actually a medical condition and a genetic issue. But it's genuine and authentic. And when something is going down the world, the responses are touching, especially in recent times with mental health finally getting some attention. Okay, the word count is probably pushing the limit, so I'll sign off now. XO, XO, Gossip Girl. This is probably the point where I stopped editing, Vaughn.

Okay, so I have to edit a little bit on the fly. Yeah. All right. Rachel Allen, Kiotofano. Rachel Allen here, long-time listener, first-time shouter. Rachel Allen. Wait, your mic's not on. Put the headphones on and you'll be

able to tell if that microphone's working this is why you've not yet hello wait to see if hers is working hello yeah it's working yeah put it a little bit closer but close to your mouth that's how it works there's a rachel allen in the podcast family who i've noticed who is a childhood friend please proceed with the shout out okay i. I knew a Rachel Allen at school as well. Sorry, no, the microphone slipped off my face. She's literally had like a third of her drink. That's all. Oregon, it's the bread that's got her giddy.

Oh, shit. Do you know bread is so fucking good? Drunk on white bread. Mom, partying! It's wheat drunk. Kia ora, whanau. Rachel Allen here. Long time listener.

First time shout out. I'm currently hung over AF on a bus from Krakow to Prague. Ooh. Neither of our Rachel Allen. Coming to an epic, end of an epic month of adventures in Europe. Dedicate the IPSO to my girl, Abby Bradford, who's the best rock lawyer Christchurch has ever seen. She's just had one before.

She's just had one. Who just finished her first week back at work after a whirlwind Europe trip. I've been on the receiving end of many episodes from Abe, so I thought it was time to pull my finger and return the favor. She left me in Barcelona about a week ago, where I endured one of my top five worst hangovers of my life due to consuming too much sangria. You know what?

It's a high sugar content. I was going to say it'd be a lot of sugar and sangria. We spent our last day together vomiting into my handbag at inappropriate historic and religious sites around Barcelona. It's what Jesus would have wanted. It's Ralph Lauren Jesus would have wanted. That's why he turned water into wine. He was like, bitch,

let's get lit. Lining up for the bag check for Sangrada Familia was not my finest moment. Abe really held her shit together that day and on reflection, I may have perished on my own in Spain without her there. So many thanks. I couldn't write an episode without a quick mention to the two other parts of the girl squad, Missy and Ebby.

Guys, it's only 152 days from the time I'm writing this till we're reunited again for Ed. Now, I mentioned that's Ed Sheeran, which has just been. Oh, wow. Can't believe people still haven't worked out the show secret, which is another drink. Cheers to Princess Diana. Lady Diana.

Lady Diana. The People's Princess. And wouldn't she have loved the upcoming nuptials? I think she'd have. I think she would have really liked Megan Markle. I think she'll be there in spirit. I think she would have loved Megan Markle. Yeah, me too.

Do you think she would have liked suits? Fire in their belly. She would have liked suits. She would have had a right lady excitement for Harvey Specter. Yeah. She would have loved to be Harvey Specter. Cheers to the shout out and thanks for the podcast. XO, XO.

Gossip Girl. Simon Adnams is next. Podcast shout out. I'm a long time listener From Victoria, British Columbia In Canada Wow I'm running for a podcast shout out Because last night

I had quite a vivid dream Which included The likes of one producer Caitlin I'd like to thank her For the lovely evening we had And perhaps we may pass again In the subconscious

Sexy Wow what a bush What's his name? Adnams Oh What? He said in the subconscious. Sexy. Wow, what a bush. What's his name? Adnan's. What? He said, oh, wow, what a bush. Is that totes and a probes? Not wrong, though.

No, I don't have a bush. So imagine this dream. No, imagine this dream. You're like, you're deep in sleep and you're dreaming and you're like, okay, and then producer Caitlin's there. And I'm like, oh. The pants come off and it's just like this big bush. I don't have a bush at the moment though because I've been really –

remember I was trying to be good at life this year and I'm getting a Brazilian every five weeks. No one's seeing it. I try to get a Brazilian every month at least four to five weeks. Well, no, you don't want to go too early because you'll miss that second growth cycle. I'm really good because my pubes don't grow very fast. The more you wax, the less fast they grow. I've got like ball patches.

It's so great. Oh, that's good. Because I get all of it off because I like to feel like a very clean. Ball patches? It looks like you've got ringworm. It's like mowing the kaikewia grass really low with the mower. And a part of it dies off. And then around it, the salivary system dries.

Remember we were talking about how you think it's weird that we get our bum hole done? But that's what made this car. That was news to me. I didn't know the bum hole was. Always get the butt done. Why would you want to do the front

and then have a hairy butt hole? Oh no, all power to you. I just didn't know the butt hole was a hairy region. Anna? Oh, it is. Do you get the butt hole done?

I can't get anything waxed because I'm so allergic. If I did my butthole, I'd be a bloody baboon. Because you've got your eyes threaded and you look like you're puffed out. Puffed out. You're puffer fish. Puffer fish. Yeah.

It's all guys. Maybe you have the dream butthole. So you shave the bumhole. Because I think that'd be a risky area. You could put a razor sideways. Or you could beat your butthole. You know on Batman how the Joker had the cuts up the side of his mouth. You wouldn't want that on your butthole.

No, look, I haven't dabbled in a cutting of the bumhole with a razor. But, you know, it's early days. You know, what time is it now? You're early 20s. I mean, when you're having a couple of days, and you've got dags, you're going to have to sort your life out. You're going to have to jump in and make a decision.

Am I going to laser? You're at a real risk, like sheep, of getting blowflies back there. So if you're getting dags, it needs to be seen to. Are we talking dingleberries? How far in? Half an hour in? Yeah. If you've had a few gins, you don't go home and try to shave your butthole the first time drunk, all right?

That's completely sober territory. Onwards, Simon says, after his mention of Caitlin's bush. I started listening to the podcast when I began articulating an accountancy and what happened across them on SoundCloud and podcasts while I was pretending to work. I don't think I would have made it through without you lot. I assume he's still talking about accountancing. Thank you for providing joy to fight the drab. Accountancy would be hard. It's a lot of numbers, and numbers tend to get blurred together

after a little while. Amy Thomas writes an international podcast shout-out. I'm using a loophole to write you from a holiday in Japan it's possible that you won't read this out until 2018 but congrats if you get in there before the end of the year take a drink okay I don't know if that was

to princess die to princess die to princess die the people's princess two of my best friends have been travelling around London ah Japan close close there's London somewhere else you know when your eye spots a word somewhere else Two of my best friends have been traveling around London. Ah, Japan. Close. Close.

There's London somewhere else. You know when your eye spots a word somewhere else and you just chuck it in? And I've been traveling around Japan on our greatest holiday. You can imagine. For two whole months. Shout out to Briar, who's a loyal podcaster. And Char. Char?

Yeah, because it's short for Charlotte. We probably won't be listening to this, but I plan to make an FBM podcast out of you yet. Here are some highlights from Japan. Mount Fuji, we were lucky enough to have a 100% visibility all day day. Going on October gives you the best chance of this, by the way. The autumn foliage on the northern island of Hakado

early October, also the best for this. Dotonbori in Osaka, the area is crazy and cool and hard to explain. Just go there at night time and have some drinks. Try the food and enjoy the music.

Go-karting through the streets of Tokyo with Mario Kart. I'm not sure how this is legal but it is and it's amazing. Take a GoPro. Seen that. That's my main reason

I want to go to Japan. That, the Pokemon Museum and just Japan on a whole are the reasons I want to go to Japan. Yeah. My two friends

have filmed and vlogged the whole trip and it's seriously impressive. quick plug for the YouTube channels. I can copy and paste this into a – are you on the Wi-Fi here? No, not on your home Wi-Fi. We can do that later anyway. Crikey, there's some Wi-Fi options around here. Charlotte the Harlot is one word if you want to search on YouTube,

and Bree has got a channel as well. Obligatory show secret reference to Princess Diana. To Princess Di. To Princess Di. I found out this before there was a show secret because my brother used to go to the same parties as old producer James and Fletch, except he thought Fletch was born.

So for a while, it was all very confusing about the show secret. He thought that, yeah, right. Okay. Yeah, right. Okay. I quickly realized the mistake, but it was a confusing time for me. Read this sentence. Pretty funny.

Oh, let me see. Elaborate. Elaborate. Elaborate. Do millennials know how to make gin and tonics? Because you might have to make the next round. I'm only halfway through my first one. Oh, you slow down, please. Hey, Katie, can you make me one of those?

Lots of ice. One last thing. Two slithers of lemon, Lots of ice. One last thing. Two slithers of lemon, just like we've done in here, and then it'll taste perfs. One last thing. Please stop saying would've, could've, or should've. Should've.

You are so grammatically incorrect, and it hurts every time I hear it, because it should be should've. Should've. I want to know you're a fan of proper grammar, so I am surprised no one has told you before now. The correct grammar is should have, could have, would have. Because when you write it as a contraction, you shorten it to should've.

Should've. It sounds like should've. But that's just our Kiwi accent. I'm not. Not a big deal, but if you don't correct yourselves, I'll cry. Okay, bye. Thanks, Romaine and Thomas. Now, that's right.

You also work on your women, please. Well, no, because your your Bree who's from Australia Says that's one of her big things New Zealanders say Woman I'd say you're a woman Yeah I am a woman You too are lots of women

No women We're women Matt Ruddock says Kia ora It's your boy Matt Ruddock I'm writing this on the tube On my out to Heathrow Matt Ruddock says, kia ora, it's your boy Matt Ruddock. I'm writing this on the tube on my out to Heathrow where I'll be flapping my wings and heading back to Aotearoa. This is the end of a four month trip through 16 European countries.

Do you just want to swig that down? Anya's in the kitchen making a new round. Anya, could you please be born? Oh, you just swallowed a seed. There was a seed in there. It's alright, makes you stronger. I thought it was in my mouth still, but it wasn't. It's gone. It was gone.

16 European countries, and boy, I'm happy to be coming home to the land of free toilets as wee-wees has been costing me one euro. God, that's annoying. Yeah, that's annoying. They're always charging you to wheeze. Can you just go on the side of a building? They don't have, there's nowhere to wheeze. What about the...

You get arrested. Oh, do you? In a country where you can go to the supermarket without shoes and not be judged. The highlights have been sipping whiskey all day long in Scotland, downing pints of Guinness like it's going out of fashion in Ireland,

and conquering mountains in Switzerland and glaciers in Iceland. Thanks for filling my ear holes with the accents while I've been hiking through forests in Slovenia or riding a bike through Hyde Park. I truly can't put into words how much I've appreciated your company. Quick shout out to my friends who also linger in the Ipsos group, Jade

Harvey and Molly Cochran. Miss you both. As well as a huge shout out to my best mate Hamish Strange. I'm bloody lucky to have a best mate like you and I'm excited to see you continue to grow as a man as you graduate from uni next year and take on the world. Is this the show secret? And then further to that secret.

No. No. What? No. Is this the show secret? No. That one. Just that last one.

Oh no. The last one. Keep on keeping on And then three Blue heart emojis Fletch Vaughn And Megan

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