ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Trade Secrets Uncut! - Pilots

Episode Date: March 10, 2022

Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley chat to a Pilot!Captain Phillip Kirk answers your listener questions.(Pssst! This is the Uncut Interview)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Fletch Lord and Hayley's Trade Secrets. Today on Trade Secrets, we are talking to somebody who flies aeroplanes. The horse has bolted. It's a pilot. Whoa! A pilot for Air New Zealand, Captain Philip Kirk. Good morning. Captain Kirk. Good morning, guys. It's a pleasure to be here.

How many times have you heard that, Captain Kirk? I'm going to say if I got a dollar for every time I heard that, I'd be a wealthy guy. I'm retired. Like when you say it over the intercom, can you just hear the plane kind of like, heh? No. No.

But then you probably could have gone by Captain Philip, but then that Tom Hanks movie came out with Captain Phillips, and you're like, well, I'm damned either way now. Yeah. Oh, my God. True. I'm sorry. That sounds like I might have just said that to you for the first time well, I'm damned either way now. Yeah. Oh my God. I'm sorry, that sounds like I might have just said that to you for the first time and I didn't want to bring that energy. I've got to say, Captain, you've got a normal

voice. I sort of expected you were going to be talking like this giving us the information nice and slow. Do you put that voice on? Classic. No, I don't actually have that voice. You come on all chipper like we're bloody high up in the air and

things are going well. I am the cheerful guy on the PA, that's for sure. Nice. So what kind of plane do you fly? So I'm on the 787 which operates obviously all around the world. A lot of cargo flying at the moment. We haven't had a lot of passengers so they will be turning up.

We'll be very pleased but it's been kind of cool just cruising around on any aeroplane, having the plane yourself. Do you crank the music? Do you crank the Metallica? No, we don't play the music but we've got free range in the galley so that's pretty cool. Out through the door, into the galley. I've become

quite the chef, I have to say. Wait, who's flying the plane? Well, these are some of the questions that we have for Trade Secrets. We asked on Instagram, ask any question you want and we have a pile here for you, Captain Philip Kirk.

Okay, let's just say at the top. On long-haul flights, Captain Kirk, how much is autopilot and how much is you? Great question. I would say 99.9% of how much is autopilot and how much is you? Great question. I would say 99.9% of it's the autopilot. And that's not just because we're lazy. It's actually much better at flying the airplane than we are. Hey, hey, don't beat yourself up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. We do a little flight, typically at takeoff and coming into land. But look, for the vast majority of the flight, the autopilot does a much better job. We'd probably make you all sick down the back if we were just hand flying all the time. Oh, really? And you said before you'll nip out to the galley

and whip something up. So when it's not a cargo plane, what sort of thing are you doing when autopilot's doing its thing? Well, we're typically just sitting there monitoring it. There's always two of us on the flight deck. You know, unless someone has to whip out to the bathroom, obviously that has to happen from time to time.

But typically on long-haul flights, there's an extra crew member, and they'll typically go into the galley and organise some food and drinks and things like that, tea, coffee. Right. I love that you clarified tea or coffee. When you said drinks, I was like, yeah, minibar, minibar. This is why Hayley's not a pilot. Another question, do you ever get scared of turbulence?

Good question, but no. There's really only two types of turbulence. There's what we call clearer turbulence, which is the turbulence you tend to feel on long-haul flights when we're flying along at cruise altitude. And then there's turbulence that's associated with weather that we spend a good part of our flight trying to remain clear of. So we've got great weather radar systems that keep us clear of that sort of weather, and we use that to find our way around the bigger thunderstorms along the way

so that ideally you guys have a nice, smooth ride down the back. So when you're training to be a pilot, do you train for specific weather? Is it like, today is rainy day? Oh, for sure. Yeah, the flight simulators we have are just amazing tools, very expensive, complex tools that basically create a flight for us. When you're in the simulator,

do they have simulated seagulls flying into the blades and getting all mushed up? Yep, 100%. I'm glad you asked that one. That's a critical one. Yeah, but bird strike, yeah. Bird strike are a thing. I have a friend who's a pilot and has been for years and always

studying for simulator and always doing simulator training, aren't you? Yeah, 100%. We're in there every six months for a couple of days and spend a couple of four-hour sessions in there over a couple of days. And, you know, that can be pretty intense, but that's what it's designed to do

so that we're all set to go when the very rare event turns up. What's the biggest change in piloting from when you started to now? I think the automation is probably the biggest part of it. I started on a small turboprop and a big shout out to the

our team that fly the turboprops around the country. I'm going to say and I'll probably upset a few of my compatriots but those turboprop guys have got the hardest job in the airline. They're up and down, round and about. And New Zealand's a pretty dynamic place for weather. And those guys work really hard.

So, look, along the way, the aeroplanes have got more and more complicated. But, you know, there's more computer systems in there that monitor systems. So I guess the reality is we spend a lot of life managing the aeroplane now rather than flying it is probably the, you know, probably the summary really. Okay, here's a big hard-hitting question for you. Do you eat the same meals as us plebs out the back?

Oh, haven't you seen the tray of crayfish coming in? Yeah, I thought I could smell it. I knew it. I was like, that's a cray going in there. Yeah. No, no, no. There's principally we eat the same food. Because I have to say that the airplane food makes me gassy,

but I've got a lot more room out the back to be tooting and pooting the whole way to Abu Dhabi. But you've got a much smaller little area there. It's a very small space that we share with people for long periods of time. Nah, I think that's when I'm just visiting the bathroom story comes out. Yes, yes, do excuse me. Okay, so what about the toilets? What are your toilets like

compared to passenger toilets? Identical. We use the same toilet actually. Okay, you guys just make sure that you wipe it down. Always. It is my nightmare that I'm going to leave a mess, and then when I leave, the next person comes in, and then they open the door,

and they say loud enough for the entire plane to hear, hey, you've left us in a right state. That's my nightmare on a plane. So are you the basin wiping guy, are you? I wipe the basin. I wipe the basin. The sign says wipe the basin. I wipe the basin.

I wipe the basin. I don't wipe the basin. Good. How many buttons on the control panel actually get used on every flight? Well, there's a couple of hundred of them, to be fair. But most of the ones we tend to set up at the beginning of the flight and not touch them unless something turns up that shouldn't turn up during the flight.

So most of them are like troubleshooting. Essentially, yeah. We tend to set them and forget them, and then if the aeroplane senses something's not right, it'll pop up a checklist for us and ask us to maybe touch some of those buttons. But generally, a lot of them we tend to set up and forget, really. I also have a couple of hundred buttons in front of me, Phil, but if I press the wrong one, a song stops playing.

Yeah. That's the worst thing that can happen. Slightly different jobs. Stop Ed Sheeran for five seconds, maybe. Another question, and why do I have to put my phone on airplane mode? Aren't we over that now? It's the future. No, not really.

So one of the things that people don't realize is that when your phone is close to a cell phone site, it basically saves battery by only operating a very low power setting. So when it's in the airplane, it can't see cell phone sites, so it pumps out very high energy and I guess to be fair, if you had an airplane load of cell phones running at a very high power setting, it's possible that it could cause some interference and you guys might have seen the stuff in the media about the 5G rollout in the USA.

So, you know, that's actually been quite a cluster, really, for the airline industry to work through. So part of our risk management plan is to have you guys have your phones off the mobile mode and into airplane mode. Bluetooth's fine. Wi-Fi more and more these days is fine but definitely try

to keep your phone off. Okay, I always want to know this. What is the best seat on an aircraft? Oh, no doubt the one that I have when I go to work. Yeah, you've got the best one. Hayley, I'm not going to let you sit on that one.

Well, honestly I was going to say, from what you've been saying, it sounds like a piece of cake. Yeah, you've got the best seat. Hayley, I'm not going to let you sit on that one. Well, honestly, I was going to say, from what you've been saying, it sounds like a piece of cake. Yeah, look. I'm kidding. You guys, Hayley, the most comfy seat is no doubt over the wing, but that's not much fun just looking at a big wing. Over the wing on an exit row maybe with the... Yeah, probably.

Or business class. I think if you ask customers, they'll say the seat's at the front for very obvious reasons. Yeah, probably. Or business class. I think if you ask customers, they'll say the seats at the front for very obvious reasons. Yeah, of course. Because I remember someone saying, oh, I like the very back. I was like, no, that's the wobbliest, isn't it? No, and near the toilets. Everyone's like brushing past you the whole time. Yeah, true.

And you don't smell them. Yeah, the back does move around a bit more. But the aeroplanes, especially the modern ones like the 787, they've got amazing systems on them to try and cancel out some of that turbulence. So I think you get a reasonable ride wherever you are. But principally, over the wing is like the smoothest place to sit. But as I said, not much fun if you want to look out the window. Yeah.

What is the best plane that you've ever flown? You're currently flying a 787. Is that like the best? Or do you miss the days of the turboprop that you talked about just before? I do miss the turboprop days because it's a real true sort of flying job, really. But there's no doubt the 787's a great aeroplane, and it's just got great system.

It's a great aeroplane to operate. It's quiet. It's fast. It doesn't use much fuel. Most of the guys, I'd say, would put their hand up and say, hey, look, it doesn't use much fuel. Most of the guys I'd say would put their hand up and say, hey look, the 787's a great aeroplane and I'd be agreeing with them for sure. Hey Captain Philip, our final question from

our listeners. Do you get a sweet family, no it's not bad, don't worry. Do you get a sweet family and friends discount? No, that's true. If you work for an airline, there are discounts that are available and they get better and better the longer you've been with the airline so you tend to get rewarded

with better discounts when you've been for a while. And yeah, we do have the option to take family along and in some cases friends too. Do you get that a lot? Or your friends will be going like, hey, I need to pop down to Wellington. What can you do for me?

Yeah, they limit that to, you know, depending on your partner status to a couple of people or maybe just a few more. But yeah, no doubt if you're single, you can pop your friends on there and take them places with you.

After this chat, I feel like we're pretty close. I feel like family. I feel like family. I'm actually wanting to pop to Rarotonga at some point. Maybe you could take me. Do you get invited to a lot of destination weddings? They're like, oh, if you could join us, Philip, it'd be great.

No, that one hasn't come up, I'll be honest. It sounds like we need to take one of you guys along for a fly sometime. Yes. I'd bloody love that. That'd be amazing. Captain Philip Kirk, thank you so much for chatting to us with all your insider trade secrets. It's been a pleasure, guys.