ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Best Of 2019 Podcast - Community Notices

Episode Date: December 18, 2019

The Best Community Notices of 2019.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Oh my God! ZM! ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Megan. The best community notices podcast. Fletch Vaughan and Megan's Community Notices. Hello and welcome to Community Notices, a segment of the show where we see what's happening in your neck of the woods according to your local Facebook page.

Now, you're going to give us a couple of community notices, Vaughan, and then at the end, Megan has organised a little surprise. I do have a little surprise for you, Vaughan. It's a treat for all of us, surprise for you. Okay. Community notice sort of related. Oh, 100%. Okay.

All right. Let's start then in Lincoln, New Zealand community page. Martin writes on the Lincoln, New Zealand community page, Observed tonight, Lincoln, there are CTV cameras in the Lincoln toilets. Oh, okay. And get this, they're apparently legal. So this is the public toilets.

Obviously, cameras in there to avoid vandalism. So Martin writes that on the page. Seven minutes later, Martin comments, thank you for posting this, Martin. It is true and I believe it's important people know.

So Martin thanked himself for posting about the CTV cameras in the toilets. Right. Right. I'm not quite sure whether or not Martin's partner or someone who lives with Martin thought

Martin's not getting enough props for this situation. I'll give him a little bit of love. But they forgot to log Martin out and then commented as Martin on Martin's initial post. People saying it's good to see Martin supporting Martin. Because you can have toilet, I thought you could have cameras at the start like an entrance, but you can't have them in

the toilet. Not where they can see you see your pain. See your jams. They can have you behind you at the urinal, right? But then what if you turn around and you haven't tucked it in in time? That's on you. Right, okay. I mean that's 100% on you. Okay. Next up on the

Papakura and Takanini grapevine page, Amen. Amen? Amen. Okay. It looks like Amen. Right. At the end of a prayer.

Right. I'd like to thank that lady last night who, when we asked where was a nice place to enjoy fish and chips, gave us the tip about going to Bruce Pullman Park. Because when we got there, there were other people in their car having a, and then they use a word that starts with a R, has two O's in the middle and a T on the end. Okay.

Firstly, it's very scenic. Yeah. So obviously their initial inquiry about fish and chips was a lie. Right. It was a red herring. Okay. They wanted to also have an R with two O's in the middle and then a T on the end. Right. So there were multiple cars up there at Bruce Pullman Park, which is apparently very scenic.

And secondly, my girlfriend asked if you had anywhere else you could recommend. Somebody recommends Weymouth Beach. You pull up, you eat your fish and chips, and then you can see all the other cars with the fogged up windows. That's very weird. What sort of like recommended areas? Growing up, did you have a local area that was where you'd park, come in the car? Megan just... No.

Megan went like this. You know when old mates are getting ready to tell a yarn? They're like, wow. No, because I was waiting for Fletch to tell it. No. And Nelson. Where? You know. I? You know.

I don't know. I've literally only ever eaten food in my car. I'm too tall. I've tried. I'd need a large sort of a van or wagon. You know, not in your car. People like go down to Tahuna Beach. You're not allowed in the sand dunes anymore.

Yeah, that's why. Because they were rolling on the doctor legs. You rolled on a couple the doctor legs. Yeah. You rolled on a couple of doctor legs and you ruined it for everybody. And finally, from the Mount Albert community page, Van has posted, I'm looking for piano slash violin slash music lessons for babies around one year old. Any recommendations in our area? Thank you. One year to piano.

I wouldn't even be that. Any recommendations in our area, thank you. One year to piano. I wouldn't even be that. It would be bang, bang, bang, cry, fall off chair. Yeah. But you've got to start them young, I guess, if you want the next insert person very good at stuff here. Yeah. Okay, I have a surprise for Vaughan.

There's one contributor from Community Notices that you have a soft spot for. And he joins us now. Good morning, Mel from Rolleston. Yeah, good morning, Megan. Rain gauge, Mel. I think it's good morning. The human rain gauge, Mel. Good morning.

Good morning. Actually, you've just caught me nicely because Jan and I were about to go to the Lincoln University gym where we go twice a week for exercises for the nearly dead. Oh. What kind of exercises do you do at the gym? All sorts. Tai chi, around the room, you know, exercises, just a whole lot of stuff.

We've got a woman that takes us there. It's brilliant. Keeps us fit. So progressive doing tai chi. Yeah, good on you. And we're on, at our age, of course, we're on that horrible slope, flat stick going down towards the ultimate conclusion.

So we'd like to be fit instead of sitting in an old folks home on a couple of armchairs like sparrows on a power line waiting to drop off. Because famously you did the Otago Rail Trail on your bike just before you turned 75. Yeah, a couple of weeks beforehand, and it was one of my life's aims, and I was tickled pink to do it. We were a bit worried about you, Mel, if we're honest.

So was my doctor. Good, I love when you defy a doctor's orders. Well, he was testing my heart with his stethoscope, and he's a bit of a hard case, too, and he looked a bit frowning, and I said, what's the matter? And he said, oh, just having you on. Don't do tricks like that to a man of your wisdom. Why did you start keeping a tally of the rain

to share with the community? I understand keeping your own rain gauge is one thing, but to share the amount of rain you had with the community? Yeah, quite some time ago, I can't remember how because my mind's not that good, I must say. What happened was there was a massive rain over several days here and one of our stock agent's wife, Kiri Uri, and she said, I wonder how much rain there was.

Well, I've had that record, so I told her, she said, well, you should put it on Facebook because people would want to know. I've actually been pretty chuffed, to be honest. I can't even recall anyone, but having said that, you can guarantee I'll now get it, any nasty comments. Mostly they like my warped sense of humour. And the other thing is quite a few of them have actually said

they feel as though they're part of my family, as though, you know, I'm their grandfather they haven't got. I mean, the last one I put on is a photo of me finishing the rail trail, and that was actually Lies, by the way. That was the first before I set out. If you'd seen me at the end of the rail trail, I was all haggard. And the other one was me with my great-grandson. And, you know, there was 840 likes and 200 comments on that posting.

And, yeah, there was a few that made the comment about me saying about living with a great-grandma. But the rest of them were real congratulations, and I actually was quite chuffed with that. Oh, Mel. Well, keep it up, Mel. Yeah, we love it. We love it, and obviously Rollison does as well.

Yeah, I was liking to meet you three because I'd like to take the mickey out of you when I get the opportunity. I don't need a roasting at the hand of a man who's been roasting for as many years as you have. Also, you're a bit of a social media, like you know not to post too often, you know to include a little bit of humour, and

you know who needs a little bit of a roasting, and you're very switched on with the social media. Thank you very much indeed. Does that try and stop me coming smashing your knees? I'll do whatever it takes to stop that happening. It won't work, mate. Okay, he's coming. Fantastic. Mel, thank you so much, and as always, if you see

anything on your local Facebook page, it tickles you fancy. Screenshot it and send it to ours, FVMZM on Facebook. Well, just before you go, I'd just like to say that my granddaughter, Cresha Walker, who set this thing up today, she's out of my will. She's out of your will?

Worth it though. Worth it for us. You can put me in there, Mel. That'd be nice Okay And let's pop down to Hamilton Community Notice Board First off Where Bex has posted

With an animated background You know how you can If you're posting a status on Facebook And it's short You can have a jazzy background She's chosen a jazzy background With eyes A range of eyes

And a couple of noses If anyone is missing an unusual pet That's gone to Crawshaw School I have it You'll need to describe it and maybe have photos of it To claim it Oh yeah because someone might claim it It's not theirs

So now people are like You're effectively holding someone's pet hostage Oh yeah true And so they would come forward saying, I'm missing a rooster. What's an unusual pet? Ferret. Not a cat, not a dog.

Ferret. Don't even return it. They're a pest, aren't they? They're a pest. Put it down. What else would fit under the pet category? Like a coony coony? Maybe.

Maybe a cute little, a minizia pony. If you lost your minizia, it's your pony Maybe. Maybe a cute little a minutiae pony. If you lost your minutiae pony you need a little bit of a reprimand. That's like losing a large dog losing a minutiae pony.

So I don't know if that's been returned to owner or even if they uncovered what pet it was. If anybody's on the Hamilton Community Notice Board

and can text us in and let us know we'd just really like to know what unusual pet was there. Held there. Bex's profile picture is an alien. Okay.

No judge, but I just think that's an important aspect of the story. She's worried about 5G cells coming. Very. Cell towers. Next up, Rolleston Buy, Sell and Exchange. 2016 page is doing well. It's into its third year now. All good.

Yeah. For sale, says Susanna, a new MPG scooter. Now, this is a scooter, a zip-line scooter, whatever you'll call it. Two small wheels, one at the front, one at the back. Not motorised. Not motorised, no. Push scooter. Great scooter, she said.

Being sold as my son requires money for using my credit card online without my consent. It's only been used for two days, so it's in near new condition. Wow. She's like, no, you're not getting this. What did he do? Unless he bought the scooter. Or do you think she's selling off the scooter? Very good.

I don't know. He bought the scooter using her credit card, or he used her credit card, so now she's like, I'm selling your scooter to get the money back. How old's the son? It doesn't say. I feel like it's in at purchases.

Old enough to know better. Yeah, maybe a fortnight, maybe a couple of skins. Yeah. But $120. That's expensive, isn't it? Yeah. For a scooter?

Especially after it's been used for two days by a criminal. Next up on the Rolleston community page, this got Rolleston buzzing. I got sent this about 15 times, mostly because it was grim, and I hope to God it's a joke. But Joel put up on the Rolleston community page, nothing like a beautiful sunny day in Raleigh,

Cheerios for lunch for the kids. Hashtag Raleigh summer days. But check out how he's cooking the Cheerios. In a rank old jug. In a jug, yuck. So he's put them in the jug and the lid's broken off. So you know how when you lift up the lid, the jug stops boiling. It doesn't know when to stop boiling because it's got that pushed down.

So it'll just keep boiling to cook the Cheerios. And that jug used to be white. That's a manky-ass jug. It actually looks like dirt. Yeah, yuck. Maybe that's just his Cheerio boiling jug. Maybe it is. That doesn't matter to me, Megan.

I think he should have a clean jug for cooking his Cheerios. Oh, yuck. But I don't think he's... Surely he's not actually cooking Cheerios in a jug. Surely that was just to get a rise out of everyone in Rolston.

Yeah. Right. Next up from the Otago floating page, Maya is a, has a free good that she's trying to sell. It's a knee rover.

And she writes, hi, I'm embarrassed with myself for this, but if you were in the pint night line last night with a broken leg and no mobility scooter

because a chick had taken your scooter, I am that chick and I still have your scooter. PM me to collect. Oh my God. Maya did that classic thing that people do

when they see someone on one of those and they're like, oh my God, can I have a turn on one of those? And then scooted off and never came back.

So that's just the one for the knee. Is that what you mean? Me? Yeah, yeah. Knee rover is what it's called and it's a scooter and you've got a broken

bottom half of the leg. Oh. What a... So they are in desperate need of that. Yes. Oh dear. Yes.

I was going to be like, don't be embarrassed of yourself, but yet maybe you should be. Yeah. Should be. And finally, from the Littleton, ain't no place I'd rather be page.

Oh, yeah, okay. There's quite a juicy post. This one's got Littleton, the tea poured. Okay. And Littleton, I'll leave names out of this. Thanks for putting the final nail in the coffin of Greg and I's three and a half year relationship. Insert name here.

Through sleeping with him on the side with no contraception. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Oh, Greg played a part in that. Just found out. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Wonderful news. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Sarcasm.

We'll make sure to let you know the results from the STD checks I now have to get. Look forward to meeting you again. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Paul says this is far too trashy for Littleton. This is, yeah, below us. Someone had high expectations. And I'm no expert on this.

Yeah. But the person that sent this in, they're not involved. They're not one of the parties. But people just screen cap on their phones and send it in. That little flame icon, does that mean they've got Tinder open? Yeah, it does. Yeah. I'll play.

Always good to have it running in the background in case you get a match. Or probably trying to find this person who's recently single and about to be found either clean or riddled with STDs. Lots of animals in today's community notices. Cute. Let's start with Victoria's post on the Johnsonville Community Notice Board. What was that smirk for? Nothing.

Okay, that was a wreck. You just got a deviance smirk. Did you just get a message? No, because I looked. When he got the deviance smirk, I looked at his phone, which is usually face down, but the screen was not lit. No, I was just thinking of something in my head, and then I laughed. What, last time you were in Johnsonville?

No. Or was it more Victoria related? No, it's nothing. Oh my God. Okay. Why can't I do anything? Victoria. You're a deviant.

You can do whatever you want, but just that deviant smirk, definitely need to call him out. It wasn't a deviant smirk, it was a long smirk. It looked deviant. You've got to work on your smirks. That was very deviant.

Victoria writes on the Johnsonville Community Notice Board, if these cats engaging in coitus in the middle of the road on Bold Street are yours, get them a room. They just sat there looking at the car and wouldn't move. She's taken a photo. Oh, brilliant. As she waits, just two cats have... Oh, my gosh.

Poor Tabby. It's really getting dominated there, isn't it? My headphones fell off because I threw my head back. Hold on, I'll just get my headphones. I'll be back in a minute. Here we go. Here we go. So, yeah, those cats.

Now, cats, if you get them fixed, do they still do this? But obviously there's no kittens as a result. No, I don't think they do. They don't want to do it at all. They lose all the sexual desire. Yeah, they're gone. Oh, that's sad for the cats, but good,

because otherwise, you know, there's unwanted kittens running everywhere. Next on the community page, we'll take a break from the animals momentarily. Tori Ann Speedy is after something specifically in the Rolleston area. Okay. Random, I know, but does anyone know

or have a large cardboard cake that a small human man can jump out of with nipple tassels on? Very specific. What would make a cardboard cake non-nipple tassel? Yeah, I don't know. Friendly. I don't know. Some sort of really small opening where the nipple tassels might get dragged off

and the shopper will have got nipple exposure. But the nipples will be tasseled. This is by no means a joke. I'm 100% serious. It's for a 21st. Huh. A few people saying, Liv says, I haven't got one, but can I come to the party?

A few other people saying that they'd be quite easy to make. Yeah, you just go down to the local store and grab some fridge boxes. And afterwards you can, as long as there's no sort of like cake icing on it, you might be able to use it for a science fair project. Yeah. That's what we always did. So if anybody's got that, Tory is in Rolleston awaiting that. Next up, we go to the

Hibiscus Coast, the HBC. Anyone else notice this naked dude running down Whangapurua Road by the plaza? And there's a photo here attached of said naked man. Oh, okay. Mid-trot, but he's got shoes on, which is good, because if you're going to go for a naked run, you've still got to think about standing on glass.

No, he's not naked. Because of his shoes. Yeah, that doesn't make you naked. How would you describe someone wearing no clothes apart from shoes? Almost naked, semi-naked. Tor not naked. Because of his shoes. He's not, yeah, that doesn't make you naked. How would you describe someone wearing no clothes apart from shoes? Almost naked, semi-naked. Torso naked. Like. Yeah.

Ankles up. Drunk. Naked. Drunk or fitness? Drunk and fitness? I don't know if they've become mutually exclusive. Next, let's pop along to the new Lynn page where someone with an obviously made-up name,

I don't know, yeah, I'm going to say it, Lisa Patra. So they've gone for the Cleopatra. Their name might be Lisa, but they also identify with Cleopatra. Right, okay. I mean, it is West Auckland. Lisa Patra might actually be on the birth certificate.

It could be. We're not to know. Admin, delete if not allowed. Right, okay. I mean, it is West Auckland. Lisa Patra might actually be on the birth certificate. It could be. We're not to know. Admin delete if not allowed. Unopened. I've always struggled with this cat brand. Iams? Have you seen that cat food brand? I think it's Iams or something.

Yeah, like that. Unopened Iams kitten and junior dry food chicken flavor. Worth $32 to $36. RRP. We'll swap for wine. Lisa Patra's looking to get her buzz on. Is the cat going to eat or is the cat no longer there? We don't know.

Well, I don't know. It's unopened. Right. Maybe it's been found by Lisa Patra floating down the Nile. I'm not exactly sure. 15 minutes later. Oh, okay. Lisa Patras posted again.

Admin, delete if not allowed, unopened pack of whiskers, seafood selection biscuits. Okay, geez. She has no luck with IMs. Well, no, this is as well as IMs. We'll swap for a couple of ciggies to get us through. Oh, my God. You've got your whole wine of ciggies to get us through.

You've got your whole wine. The poor puss is missing out. I hope she's got food in excess. Wake up in the morning and be getting to open the food. Maybe they bought, but that's unopened. That's the thing. You don't want to know that your cat doesn't like it. And finally, some great news from Waikato Pound Pups. This is a Facebook page that tries to get puppies adopted.

But you may remember they said they had come into ownership. Ownership. Guardianship. Guardianship. That's the word I was looking for. Of a pig called Ernest. Ernest. A large coony coony pig called Ernest.

Super cute too. Ernest! Cooney Cooney Pig called Ernest. Super cute too. Ernest was kidnapped. Ernest was stolen and we were saying that he might have... This is a great size to eat. Not a wahia, wasn't it? Yes, we were expecting the worst. Well, they have posted, we're over the moon and so excited to announce,

due to the magical powers of social media... Bacon. 453 shares and a Waka to Times article. Excuse me, and we talked about it. Oh, yeah, we didn't get a mention. Out. Ernest has been returned. Thank God.

He's in great condition. Two shoulder roasts, a butt roast and pork bellies. He's in great condition and has been taken to his new home where he has the most amazing property and a family to live his best life. A huge thank you to everybody who shared this post and brought him home. We're very grateful. Where did he go? No word.

Well, I'd imagine he would have been pignapped and they were just awaiting the... Yeah, but the news kind of spread and I think they might have realised that, yeah, if they didn't give this pig back, there'd be some bad karma. I was really worried about Ernest. Some bad karma coming their way. Well, let's pop first today.

We're going to go down to Darfield. Lovely Darfield. What's your favourite thing about Darfield? The pies. Yeah, I thought it was going to be. We had a pie there, didn't we? Yeah. We watched rugby.

We watched the lads play ruggers, and the ladies are playing netball next door. Yep, yep. Yep. It was good. Yeah. Yeah, shit, yep. Yep. This is good. Yeah. Yeah, shit yeah. Yep, this is good. Yeah.

So, Darfield, Nikki posts on the Darfield New Zealand Community Group, whoever is doing burnouts in front of the house, that actually sounds really cool and I can't wait to see the marks on the road tomorrow morning. Actually. Yep. Wow. Yep. Wow. Nikki then comments saying, at first I was afraid I was petrified, to which Richard replies, I kept thinking I could never do another power slide.

Brett jumps in, but then I spent so many nights thinking how the smell of burning rubber turned me on. And Siobhan says, and I grew strong and I put a new set of tires on. Oh, my God. Hold on. Did I get out of order there? No. No, that was right, I think. That was in order. Oh, yeah.

The ground was black from speeding pace. I looked out my lounge window and saw your smug face. I should have yelled for you to stop. I should have called the local cop. You should have known you were bothering me. That's a part of the Queen song as it goes on. Oh no, not I.

No, not Queen. Abba. No. No. I was petrified. I was petrified. I can only think cake because they did a version of it. What's the chorus? I grew strong and I learned how to get along and now I'm back.

From outer space. Okay, so that's the tune we should have gone. The ground was black. Gloria Gaynor, I Will Survive. From speeding pace. I looked out my window and saw your smug face. I should have yelled for you to stop. I should have called

the local cop. You should have known you were bothering me. And then it goes, oh no, not I. I live to ride. As long as I've got bikes to skid, I know I'll stay alive. I've got so much talk to give. I've got two fat wheels for skids. I live to ride. I'll ride or die. I've got so much talk to give. I've got two fat wheels for skids I live to ride.

I'll ride or die. First I was afraid. I was petrified. Kept thinking. And I could never do another power slide. But then I spent so many nights thinking, have a smell of burning rubber to me on. Grew strong.

And I put a new wheels on. The ground is black From speeding pace I looked out my lounge window And I saw your smug face I should have yelled for you to stop I should have called the local cop You should have known You were bothering me

Wow, who knew Petro has could be so beautiful with their words? And like every one added on was from a different person. Wow. It was Darfield coming together. Yeah. Over skids. Yeah. Maybe more skids are the answer, not less skids.

Yeah. Brilliant from Darfield. Great work from Darfield. You're up there with the pies now, people on that page. It's our favourite things from Darfield. Okay. Pettis with the law law. Wow. that page. It's our favourite things from Darfield. Okay, hit us with the lawnmower. Wow.

We need to take a moment here. Don't bring Gloria Gaynor into this. Gloria Gaynor wants to professionally distance herself from this. The Hawke's Bay buy, sell and swap page.

Cat has a lawnmower for sale. No details, just $100. I'm imagining this has been taken down. Not before there were screenshots. $100. I'm imagining this has been taken down. Not before there were screenshots. $100. The lawnmower, I can tell you a little bit about the lawnmower.

It's red. It's got a catcher, which is great. You want to catch it. All four wheels are present. I don't believe it's a major brand. It's not sort of your mass sports. Okay. They don't want to be dragged into this.

It's a 50. Yeah. So then a close-up of the engine. There's a few photos here. There's sort of what it looks like from the top, what it looks like from the side, a photo of the engine, a weird black just square that just looks like there wasn't enough light in the photo, and then a photo of Kat's vagina.

A real close-up. A real close-up. A real close-up. A real close-up. A real, like she's just whipped her knickers to the side. Oh, no. Put it on selfie cam and clicked a quick snap of the vagina. Thank you so much for screenshotting and sending that to us at FEMZM. Have you seen anything on your list? Thomas commented on the post.

I can't say what Thomas said, but Thomas did an alert cat to what had happened. Oh, right. In Thomas's own special way. Okay. This one comes in from Lisa. I think this was from Ash Burden, but I've not got that in my screen capture. Okay. This one comes in from Lisa. I think this was from Ash Burden, but I've not got that in my screen capture. Okay. Lisa, two S's,

writes, Houston, we have a problem. My dog found herself a new chew toy at the river and refuses to give it up. How the hell do I make her understand this one? And seriously, WTF Ash Burden. That's how I knew it was Ash Burden. And her dog has a massive dildo.

Vibrato, yeah. No, it doesn't. It's one of those ones with a suction cup on the end. Oh, good lord. A suction cup? Yeah. Why do you need a suction cup? Don't look at me.

You are very quick to say, don't look at me then. I don't know what you need a suction cup for. I mean, I guess... You know when you try to get something off a dog and they're like, oh, no, no, no, I'm running from you. This is mine now. I'm going to watch you from a safe distance. Look, look at your dog.

That's massive. Yeah, mate, it's not mucking around. It's got a suction cup on it. That big. Wow. I'm going to chew on this old dildo down by the riverside. Please use your imagination. The shower, the fridge, any hard surface.

The fridge. I mean, obviously, if you live by yourself, don't do it in the flat fridge. I mean, obviously, if you live by yourself or... Like, don't do it in the flat fridge. I would say not on old glass. Oh, okay. Like, if you've got an old wooden joinery. Right. Because that glass is probably a little bit weaker.

Double glazed windows? Maybe. Okay, moving on. Maybe. Good Lord. It's up to the Lee page we go now. Lee as in the... Lee Sawmill.

Yes. North of Auckland. Lovely guy. It'll be setting a gear up for summer. Yeah, well, the feelers will be playing at the sawmill. You can't promise that. I mean, it's an inevitability. It's an inevitability.

Yeah, probably. Well, Phil's looking for love. Okay. I love Lee. Phil's, oh, this is all in capitals. Okay. I love Lee. Full stop.

And always have, I've lived here for five years now. Laugh emoji. Been single five years too. Space, space, space, space. Full stop. Space, space, space, space. Again, we're all in capitals. Looking for a lady.

Dot, dot, to settle down with. Dot. I don't want to be on my own anymore. That's fair enough. Aw. That's fair enough. Loves walking on the beach, bushwalks, swimming, snorkeling. Now, what's that?

Snorkeling? Snorkeling? Snorkeling. Snorkeling. S-N-O-C-K-I-N-G. I'd say Snorkeling? Snorkeling? Snocking. Snocking. S-N-O-C-K-I-N-G. I'd say snorkeling. Snogging? No, I'd say he means snorkeling.

Yeah. I have 80 chickens. Imagine all the eggs. Oh my God, if they were all laying. Phil's the guy for you. The eggs for breakfast every morning. I have 80 chickens, cows, and more. Text Phil.

And then Phil puts his number in there. Yeah. And this is but the first. Phil has been posting multiple statuses on the lovely, looking for love. Okay. I don't know if lovely is more of like we love Lee. Right. Not looking for love in Lee, which I believe is the confusion.

A weird insight into you once Sade leaves you. Yes. All caps. Lots more chickens. I have chickens and real fluffy cows. They're real cute. I love snorkeling. Come pet my cows and do some snorkeling.

Once we work out what that is. It is you. Jessie writes on the Manawatu buy, sell and trade page. For sale, $8. Pissy bedside table. Bedside table for sale. Flatmate pissed in the drawer, though. As is, where is, cheers.

No, chuck that out. It looks like a nice, it looks like a part of the bedroom furniture set. Oh, I see. Right. I think Jessie's, this is a little bit of a public shaming for the flatmate. Yeah. More than anything. Real shame that there's been urine in that bedside table.

It looks like a nice bedside table. Goes very well with the bed base. Lifestyle Farmers South Canterbury. Alice posts Hey Skulls wanted Clean I'm a biology teacher After animal skulls

All welcome Herbivores Omnivores Carnivores Any lying around I'm happy to collect Please note though I'm looking for donations

They'll be used For a unit on Animal adaptations 12 bio stuff Thanks thanks in advance. Animal skulls. So this is a conversation I've had briefly with my children. Right. That when the goats die, I want to keep the goat skulls.

Why? Because they've got big horns on them and I think they'll look pretty cool. That's really grim. That's not surprising though. When I went to your house the other day, you still had that. Was it a mummified rat hanging on the wall? A mummified rat pinned on the wall.

Well, Sade won't touch it and I just think it's funny having it stuck there. It's just pinned on the wall like a poster. Her reward for when this is all done, when these minor renovations are done, is I'll get rid of the mummified rat. Until then, it remains as a wall decoration. And finally, from the buy, sell, swap

Huanganui page, Mata is looking for a job. Need a job that pays at least $50 an hour. Got heaps of experience. Otherwise, I'll be staying on the Benny. We're not asking for much. $50. $50 an hour.

Jeez. Great going rate. Those, but he's looking. Yeah. If anyone's got anything going, get amongst. Now a quick update.

You might remember last time on the lovely Facebook page. That's right. A man was after love. Phil was looking for love. Phil, he's lived there for five years, single for five years,

looking for a lady to settle down with loves walking on the beach bushwalk swimming schnocking remember schnocking yep

he's got 80 chickens that's right how about you if you were single yeah well you know me and schnocking I go hand in hand

there's been an update okay Phil says just an update now I don't know if it's got back to Phil that he needed to put some more details in. Okay. If someone said Phil, they've talked about you on the wireless.

We want to know more. He's hoping to secure a lady. He says the age group I'm hoping for is a 40 to 50 year old. For me, there will be there will be two drinking for me.

So I don't know if he's had a few now. Okay. Just letting you know. Right. Loves cooking. Yeah. If you text me, I'm happy to meet up at Matheson's Bay with coffee for a chat. See what happens.

Okay. So I don't know what's happening there. I'm always keen to hear about the update of a love life going well. Yeah. Getting into summer. Yeah. It's the romance of a love life going well. Yeah. Heading into summer. Yeah. It's the romance, isn't it? Yeah.

Let's go to the Te Atatu Peninsula Wanted Free Wanted Free or Swap No Selling page. Okay. Chastity writes,

Good evening all. I was wondering if anyone had a fruit or vag juicer that they no longer use. Oh no. Or don't want. I'd be grateful to have.

A little typo. Would use its life abundantly. Thanks in advance. Wow. I've heard of steaming your veg, but not. Don't. Okay. Yep.

Carry on. From one typo to another, this was posted on the buy and sell swap free Te Omutu page. Yeah. Dawn from Phoenix Photography says $80 for cheap photo shittings, limited spaces. Sittings. Oh, sittings. Yeah, sittings. Oh, dear.

She slipped up there and ended up offering $80 photo shittings. This comes to us from the Napier News. This one's been skirting around the internet. Name withheld. So my partner and I got dinner tonight and we were going to stop at the beach to eat, but instead we saw Clive Square and it looked beautiful and quiet.

Okay. There was only us and some man with a small child. Anyway, we were sitting there eating and we noticed some people living rough in the bushes. And then to my further disgust, I noticed that they were in fact having sex. So as I started packing up my food, not trying to throw up, the woman engaged in the bush sex, her mansy comes over and catches her having sex with this other man And it turns into a big scuffle in Clive Square

It was honestly disturbing I used to love Clive Square Is this the norm now? Sorry to share this disgusting story But I've just been wondering Wow I've never been to Clive Square Maybe rebrands in order

That would have been exciting Oh yeah, that would have been great to watch. Like the fighting. Would have livened up the fish chips. Yeah. Yeah. Fish meal and a show. Might have got rid of the seagulls.

How did he know she was there? And then why did she choose a bush? Yeah, out of all the places. Yeah. So many questions. It's nature's tent. Tent. Room. Cover, isn't it? Getting into a bush. Yeah many questions. Well, it's nature's... Tent. Tent. Room.

Cover, isn't it? Getting into a bush. Yeah, right. Diana posts next on the Millwater and Toto Reviews families page. Now, I don't know a lot, but apparently this is a very well-to-do area. Okay. A new subdivision, Millwater and Toto Reviews. Update, says Diana, in the ongoing saga of the poor state of affairs of our walkways and parks in

Millwater. I had a call from Nigel, who works for the facilities. Whereabouts is that? It's like when you head north past Albany. I've got friends that live there, yeah. It's very flash. Quite posh. It's all new houses and new developments. Nigel has personally apologised for the overgrown areas in Millwater and said that this problem will be addressed shortly. He said that as far as he has been informed, most of the walkways and parks were being mowed.

I assured him that this was not the case and offered to take him for a walk to all the areas where I'd noticed knee-high grass. I have his number, so if our mowing problem is not addressed soon, he'll be getting another phone call. I told him that there were a number of very unhappy people living in Millwater, and I hope, for one, that Nigel is a man of his word. Goodness me.

Long grass in the neighbourhood? Jesus. Nigel, you're about to lose your head, mate. Get out there and sort it. And finally, on today's community notices, let's pop down to Papakura. Papakura, spread the news! Brackets, unmoderated.

Close brackets. To the guy at Pack and Save this afternoon searching for treasure down the back of his girlfriend's trousers. I noticed a parent avert their young child's eyes from the scene. This is not appropriate supermarket etiquette, I would say. How about digging for gold nuggets somewhere more private, please? The hands down the back of the pants does not make one concentrate on their food shopping very well.

What a snapshot of the country today. Yeah. Really is. We've let ourselves go. And this has got to come from the mum. Oh,. Yeah. Really is. We've let ourselves go. And this has got to come from the mum, oh my God, delete that file. I'm not... Should I say where it happened,

but no names or just the first name and not where it happened? I'm going to say where it happened. No names. No names. Yeah, good call. Okay, so no names. But this happened on the Bayview,

Eskdale, Fudanaki community page. Okay. So that's the north shore of Auckland? Eskdale? No, that might not be. No, there's an Eskdale road over there. That's also good that we don't know where this is happening. Can anyone help?

My daughter's parcel has gone missing in Bayview. Delivered to, it says their address. I won't read that out. On the 27th of February. Where is this address? They must have got a track and trace, but for some reason- Napier.

Napier. 11 Hill Road, Bayview, Napier. That's where it got addressed. That's not their address, obviously. Why has it been sent to this address?

Yep. I'm unsure who got the parcel, but I'm pretty sure they want teen period underwear. What? Someone's mum. Someone's mum. Mum.

Someone's mum. Put that on the community page. Am I good, ma'am? Ma'am. Am I good, ma'am? Ma'am. Ma'am. Am I good, ma'am?

Deleted ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. Am I good, ma'am? What are you doing to me, ma'am? Ma'am! Oh, my God, ma'am! What are you doing to me, ma'am? Ma'am! You just hear from a distance.

Ma'am! Ma'am! Ma'am! What have you done, ma'am? I'm not sure if you ma'am'd it there. Oh, my God, ma'am. Oh, my God, ma'am. You trace it back and people will know you're my ma'am.

Oh, my God, ma'am. I mean, you prefer a picture, ma'am. Oh, my God, ma'am. You trace it back and people will know you're my ma'am. Oh, my God, ma'am. I mean, you prefer a picture, ma'am. Are they? Yeah, she's a perfect picture, ma'am. My ma'am. Take me out of your profile picture, ma'am. I am no longer your daughter. I will no longer call you ma'am.

Next up from the University of Canterbury Students Association Notice Board, Ashley's got a very important package that she's discovered. Currently trying to find Jay, who left a few boxes of condoms in our mailbox. Tag away because safe sex is important, kids. And don't be silly. Wrap your willy. Wrap it before you tap it. These are some great hashtags to promote safe sex.

But if you're Jay and you... How do they know that he... Because it's got his name on it. He got prescription condoms. Oh, right. And you can see it's got the little Unicam sticker on there. Because we've mentioned that before, haven't we? That you can get those...

Prescription. When you go to the doctor and they're only like a couple of bucks for heaps of them. So what is the deal with that? They write, you have to go see the doctor and say, I want to have sex. Yeah. But I'm assuming you're already there. There, you're like. Yeah.

Or like, you know. It might be tonsillitis. P.S. I want to have sex. Can you write a prescription? No, I'm telling you. Write your shopping list. Remember, you get like a hundred panadol for like cheaper than you would in the shop.

And then you're like, I'll get a thousand condoms for two dollars. Yeah. Perfect. Right. That's it. And you know like, uni doctors and stuff are cheap anyway. Yeah, perfect. Great, that's it. And you know like uni doctors and stuff are cheap anyway. Oh yeah, true. So you know,

it can probably be cheaper than buying a box anyway, just going. But anyway, Jay, if you've got, if you're missing condoms, I've got, Ashley's got them.

That's a big good way to get a hold of them. This is really great. This is Mel. He's from the Rollerstein community page and he lets everybody know how much rain's fallen.

He's you. He's me. Oh, my God. I know. The person that sent this in was like, Vaughn, I don't know if this is a good community notice or the fact that this is just you in 40 years. Oh, 40?

Rain, says Mel. This is only for those interested near the rural end of Brookside Road. We've had 30 millimetres of rain. I was very surprised to check the gauges. I didn't think I would need to post. I usually only post if it's 10 mil or more. Well, I'm happy to say that I have plenty of feed for our cattle now. Log for the log burner.

And for this coming winter, I predict we're going to get a really wet one. Near the end of this month, for a few days, I won't be able to submit rain updates as I won't be here. Oh, he's putting in his leave. Yeah, I know. Lucky the Met service in Newey do it anyway. No need. He's finding's putting in his leave. Yeah, I know. Well, lucky the Met service and knee would do it anyway. No need. He's finding someone to be his replacement. When I turned

40, I did a bit of bike riding around the South Island. Thought as though next month I'm 75, I'm going to go and do the Otago Rail Trail. That's so awesome, eh? 75 out there. I'm going to be on the bike. Jan's going to drive the car. Jan doesn't want to be Riding on those bloody gravels

Bloody stupid Bloody stupid Bloody fall off Bloody stupid Anyway my brother-in-law Will be looking after the farm And he's not too bright He can't be

As he married one of my sisters I'm not going to task him With the gauges But I will run it by him To see if he's willing To let everybody It's fallen It's so cute

When he's running him through all the things to do on the farm. If you need to update that community notice. Only if it's over 10 mils. The people have become quite reliant on old Mel coming out there with the information. George on the Mount Maunganui community board's got the big

questions. Does anyone know a McDonald's whose caramel sundaes don't immediately melt? Even though my car was air conditioned and I was home in four minutes, it was an absolute mess by the time I got there. Do you know, this might shock you. The other day I went to McDonald's and saw a woman walk out with a takeaway sundae in like the big sundae container. No sauce.

San sauce. So she just went for a full soft serve. Full soft serve, no sauce. San sauce. So she just went for a full sauce serve. Full sauce serve, no sauce. But why? Isn't it why? But you can get sauce. Did she know that you can get sauce? No, she said no sauce, obviously.

Because it's not an option. I don't want to be her friend. I know that's what I was thinking. What kind of boring person are you? But there's different choices. I am, but I can't even, I'm trying to work out. I'm like, maybe it was a calories thing, but if you get in a large soft serve,

calories are obviously not a concern. No, it didn't matter. Maybe she didn't want it to melt. That's like somebody I saw get a Mr. Whoopie and it was just a plain one in a cone, no flake, no chalk dip, no sprinkles, no nothing. And I was like, is it a money thing?

No, because it's just the same cost. Yeah, the sauce is free, right? Well, it's included. Oh, look, I don't know. Listen to us. We're just like shobsmacked. I mean, we love sauce. Baffles. Why wouldn't you love sauce? And finally today from the Torbay page, Charlene's after something very specifically.

It is a male bunny. Hi, does anyone have a male bunny who would be interested in fathering a litter of baby bunnies? I prefer to bring the female to your house. Also prefer not white. Oh, okay. Could you mention the awkward time when they're there waiting for the bunnies to... Yeah, you just chat and have a cup of tea. Do you wash them?

Well, you kind of have to to know if it's happened or not. Or do you just trust that it will? Or do you leave it overnight? Does the mail bring flowers or like... You know it's done though. Actually, I've seen this done before. You know that you walk in and they've both got little cigarettes. And they're like...

So just look for the ciggy butts. Okay. Whatever noise a rabbit makes. I assume it's something stupid like that. What's up, dog? Nothing. Those are today's community notices. If you see anything out there,

including those Imper period undies, somebody wants them back. Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. They're mentioning it again, ma'am. Ma'am.

Oh, my God. I threatened and forgotten about it. Ma'am. They're mentioning it again, ma'am. Carolyn posts on the Safer Fielding and Distress Community Board, there's this dog in Lytton Street. It's a white dog. It's always out roaming, and I'm sick of it.

I live around the corner, and it comes to my house when it needs a turd. It's a white dog. It's always out roaming and I'm sick of it. I live around the corner and it comes to my house when it needs a turd. It's pooing on my backyard. There's dog poo everywhere. The owners don't care. I don't own the bloody dog. My lawn's covered in poo. I'm going to start

throwing the poo at the dog. I don't know if that's how dogs work, but okay. Sounds like a good idea to me. This one from the Rolleston Community page. Subway Rolleston.

What a rude manager you have. I buy my salad there at least twice a week. The button doesn't work for the staff on the machine, so they have the problem every time I order the Veggie Delight salad. Staff have said that the manager knows about this problem and has done nothing. Well, this evening the manager was there, so I hit them up about it, and they were rude. She says, yeah, I know about it. And I said, well, fix it.

And she said, why? I won't be going back. Oh, my God. So they get a veggie diet salad. The button doesn't work for it. But they managed to somehow process it. Yeah, yeah. What's the problem?

Yeah, there's no problem. There's no problem, right? I'm frustrated that every time they tell her the button doesn't work. Yeah, oh, that button doesn problem? Yeah, there's no problem. There's no problem, right? She's just frustrated that every time they tell her the button doesn't work. Oh, that button doesn't work, but we can make this happen. What? What's the ish? What's the ish? So anyway, let's pop from there up to the Papakura Buy, Sell and

Exchange page where somebody writes, So this lovely couple decided that my wallet was better in their position than mine. I went to the takeaways and accidentally that my wallet was better in their position than mine. I went to the takeaways and accidentally left my wallet beside where I was sitting. And I believe now

it's homesick and it would like to come home. These two caught on security camera at the takeaways. Here's the video of them finding my wallet and then using my money to buy their food. That's rough. It's got my licence, all using my money to buy their food. Oh, that's rough. It's got my licence, all my credit cards and everything in it. So they'll be able to get a hold of me. So if you

recognise this couple, please tell them that I want it back. There's screenshots. I'd rather just deal with this and get it back than take it to the police but I will take it to the police. Well, the perps themselves commented on the photos. Hey, mate, we're not a couple.

That's my 17-year-old son and me. But wait, they're not denying it. It gets better. There's more, there's more, there's more. You make it sound in this post as if we stole your wallet. Well, the truth is we just found it sitting there. My son grabbed it, and as I was about to finish ordering, he had two choices.

Does he give it to the shop owners or keep it? And yes, he kept it. He kept your $125 notes and the $2 coin, and no, he never tries to use your card, so don't you dare accuse us of that. He threw the rest in the rubbish. Oh, my God! And no, we didn't pay

for your meal with our money. We didn't pay for our meal with your money. We took it home. You do have to do one thing. I do have a kind soul and so does my son. You'll remember this is the person who two sentences ago said we didn't take your cards,

we threw them in the bin and stole the money. You've got to be taking the mickey. Yeah. So message me and we'll go from there. I don't know what they could possibly want. What the hell? And if anyone I saw commenting on this saying anything other than that we're good people. Bizarre morals.

You're not a good person. No, you like sanctioned your son stealing $125 in cash and binning any connection to it. Multiple bad decisions. But they won't F you if you're going to say a bad word about them on this post. What is wrong with them? Really, like, confusing moral ground, eh? Yeah.

Because they're like, we didn't steal your wallet, we found it, but then we proceeded to take everything inside it, pocket anything with any value to us and bin the rest. But we're not bad people. And we didn't steal your wallet, we found it, but then we proceeded to take everything inside it, pocket anything with any value to us and bin the rest, but we're not bad people. And we didn't use your credit cards. We didn't, we could have. Yeah, your fault for leaving it behind. I mean, we could have handed it in, but we didn't.

We could have used your credit card on pay wave, but we didn't. Because we're good people, apart from the fact that we stole your money. I would be so, like, up till then, I would have been like, okay, they could have, they've had the chance to give my wallet back. Yeah. I would have gone to the police. Well, now they've literally got evidence of the citizens admitting to it. They've got visual evidence.

I'd do it. I'd take them to the police. Nuts. And they're probably too busy to do anything. I'm joking. Well, you're actually literally providing them everything that they need. Yeah. Let's go to the Hallswell Community Group where Samantha says, hi friends, my do-do,

my do-do, my do-do. My do-do. My do-do. My do-do? My do-do, my do-do. My do-do. Finger peppy. My do-do, my do-do, and your finger peppy. My daughter will be turning 18 this month. It's a special birthday as we're South African immigrants. Oh, okay.

I mean, 18's kind of special. Universally, it's a special birthday, right? Yep. 18th, 21st, 40th. Well, you can do all those things, can't you, when you're 18? Yeah. I was wondering if anybody could suggest or assist in a radical surprise. I was thinking it'd be lovely to get to

a ride in a police car to school without, of course, disrupting the duties of police officers. Any ideas would be much appreciated. That's not a good idea. I don't think an 18-year-old wants a ride in a police car to school. Alan proposes you do what every Kiwi family does and just let them loose in the town bar and if they're

lucky enough, they might get a ride home in a police car that night as well. Good suggestion Alan. There'd be many that have. And, no, I can't even, no, there's, no, I, if I'm on the fence about reading it, I don't know if you're on the fence. Do you want to go over, Megan,

and have a little check? Because I feel like you, if Ford is on the fence, we probably won't read it, to be honest. No, no. Weird thing to go public with, though, eh? Weird question to go public with. Oh, but now I want to know.

Like, ask your friends. I don't even know if I could really ask my friends. Okay, yeah. Now we're going to delve deep into Rakaia. Kia ora. Kelda. Kelda. To see what's happening in that small Canterbury village. Yeah. Hamlet.

Hamlet. Town. Brilliant. But before we do, let's check in with some other pages. This comes from the Zero Waste in New Zealand page. Now, I'm all for the Zero Waste in New Zealand page. You share tips on how to avoid being wasteful. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Zero Waste in New Zealand. But this one, something to be concerned about. Hi, guys. So I used flour to dip raw chicken for dinner tonight. So they've coated some raw chicken there. Yeah. I really want to put it back in the container with the rest of the flour. Is there a chance of getting sick?

I won't do it. If so, please let me know if it'll be okay. I've sifted it out so there's no lumps from the chicken juice. Oh. No, you've got to chuck that out. You'll get salmonella dub. That's the dip. That's the coating roll

of the dice every time, isn't it? How much flour are you going to put in it? Because you know whatever's left is going down the sinkhole. Was there something else in that flour mixture? Was it just flour? left is going down the sinkhole. Was there something else in that flour mixture? Was it just flour? I'm hoping there was egg in. They might have got like flour, egg, breadcrumbs. They might have gone between.

Because you always run out of breadcrumbs and egg in the three schnitzel because I do this for schnitzel and you're always left with a lot of flour. Schnitzel. Schnitzel.

Do you do schnitzel? Yeah, I love schnitzel. Man. It's my favourite. You can buy it crumbed. Come on. No, we all... That can buy it crumbed. Come on. No, we all... That's not really crumbed enough.

You double crumb. Are you going to say what the mum always says? Yes. You double crumb the nasty bits so you can't see all the... Yeah, and the old meat. They marinate the old stuff and chuck it out. That's not true. Slice it.

That 100% is true. I don't think they're allowed to do that. So you get your Snitzel. Yeah. You just get it as Snitzel, non-coated. Right. And you go flour, egg, breadcrumbs. Now in the breadcrumbs, that's where you put the party.

Oh, right, yeah. That's where you put your mixed herbs, whatever tickles your fancy. Then, this is the secret, you go back to the egg. Oh, yeah. And then you go back to the breadcrumb mix. It's double- You double- Double-coating.

Double-coating the schnitzel. It's fancy in your house. And then into a pan with, you know, a good bit of oil in the bottom. I think you call it a shallow fry. Yep. Side, side, and then in the oven. And it's sort of maybe about 120. Okay.

While you cook the rest of the schnitzel. All right, Josh Emmett, calm down. I'd actually like to see Josh Emmett's take on a classic Christine schnitzel. That's my mum's schnitzel. My mum doesn't double-coat it. I'm actually like to see Josh Emmett's take on a classic Christine schnitzel. That's my mum's. My mum does schnitzel. My mum doesn't double coat it. I'm just a little bit extra. No, I don't think Bev double coated her schnitzel.

God, not in the 80s, mate. There wasn't enough crumb to go around. There wasn't enough beer. No, you're right. Let's pop down to Rakaia, as promised. Rakaia? I apologise if I'm... Rakaia.

I think he's rolling R. Rakaia. Yeah. Rakaia. Where this has popped up on, Rakaia. Yeah. Yeah. Rakaia. Where this has popped up on the Rakaia notice board over the weekend, Jessica and Robert Smith have got a joint Facebook page. Yeah. She doesn't trust them, obviously.

Otherwise, Robert just isn't a Facebooker. He's got a past. To the person who wrote this, says Jessica Robert Smith, very disappointed that you felt the need to write this note having discussed with other people and yet didn't felt the need to write this note having discussed with other people and yet didn't have the courtesy to talk to us, which is the appropriate way to address the problem. The caravan stays until the person has the courtesy

to come forward and discuss this in person. We don't bite. See, it sounds she does bite. That sounded very biting. So what's happened? There's a caravan. There's a note. It says to the householder,

as regular users of the South Town Belt Road, we find it very irresponsible of you to have your caravan parked roadside and restricting the flow of traffic down to one lane due to the amount of road your caravan takes up. We use this road regularly every day for personal and business and have witnessed some near misses when two vehicles tried to get past your caravan. We've had discussion with other road users in the district

and we all believe you're creating a very dangerous traffic situation by leaving your caravan in its present position. We trust common sense will prevail and you will remove your caravan off the road and make the road safe for traffic as it should be with thanks. So, see, I don't like confrontation, so I would prefer to be told of a problem with a note. Yes, I am.

Or I would prefer to deliver my issue with something by a note. Yes, same. Or I would prefer to deliver my issue with something by a note. Yes, same. Because that wasn't overly aggressive. No, it was just like, hey, you're taking up half the road with your stupid caravan. But then they say they don't bite, but it feels like they... It was very bitey. So what's happened? It was very bitey.

Well, that was only the start of it down in Rakaia for the weekend because somebody else got a note. Okay. It says, please do something about your barking dog. It nuts off every day for nothing. We've had enough. And this is another joint Facebook account. So there must be something in the water in Rakaia

where everybody's got a joint Facebook account. Can the person who please left this note in our back gate please private message us? If you know or if anybody has an issue with a dog barking in our area, please message us as well and let us know. So you're a picture? Is it the same writer? No, because the first one was printed off from a computer.

This one's a handwritten. All in caps. Okay. All in caps. But that's fair enough too. Barking dogs are bloody awful. And they might have come over. They might be at work though.

They might not know. Yeah, well, now they know. Okay. So they've got a chance to do something about home. They might not know. Yeah, well, now they know. Okay. So they've got a chance to do something about it. That's not the only complaint that's been made. Trace has put on the Rakaia community page, some of you have sent a lot of complaints. Whoever made the complaint to the council

regarding our work vehicle, have the guts to come and speak to us first. We've been here for years. A lot of you will know the work vehicles. Not a good start to the working week. Our girls are not the only work vehicles parked in Rakaia. Parking and barking. Good Lord.

It's all go. Well, Rebecca has put this on the Rakaia Community Notice Board. She proposes a midwinter street party in Rakaia where caravans are used to block the roads completely. Yeah. And we'll station barking dogs dressed as reindeer on each corner. There'll be a quick demonstration by the Rakaia Community Decency Society

on how to have a conversation with your neighbour followed by a complimentary bagpipe lesson because apparently that's a problem as well. Somebody's playing bagpipes and everyone will learn how to play Snoopy's Christmas. The party will include loud music, neighbours having a good time, children hyped on sugar,

making a lot of noise, skill buses running to keep the lights on and caravans blocking the streets. This one comes from the Italian Greyhounds Facebook page. Rated X, it says. Goodness. Now, Italian Greyhounds are like greyhounds except small. They're like Kylie Jenner's dogs. They're Italian Greyhounds.

Not my cup of tea. Italian, I'm just going to do whatever you like. You stop dog shaming. You're so mean. I'm a dog snob. I'm not. I find greyhounds like too skinny. Yeah.

I love all doggies. I love all of them. But I also feel like if you're going to race greyhounds, you've got a responsibility to look after them after they're not good for you for racing anymore. You can't just be like, see your dog that made me money, boot. Like good on people that rehouse racing greyhounds. I don't do that when I'm old.

Just rehound, rehouse. Rehound greyhounds? Yeah. Megan's like, whereabouts are the greyhounds? They're in the race home. Oh, no. I've made a huge mistake. See that $10,000 farm dog at the weekend?

What? It was set a new record for a farm dog. Sold for $10,000. Why did it that a $10,000 farm dog at the weekend? What? It was set a new record for a farm dog. Sold for $10,000. Why did it sell for $10,000? Is it Flash or something? Right. Super smart. Great with the stock.

God, you wouldn't want to run over it with a tractor. Oh, absolutely. It'd be too quick for 10K. It'd have to have a Dodge. It'd have to have built-in Dodge skills. Tractor Dodge skills. Yeah. This one, the Italian Greyhounds.

Rated X, writes Linda. Does anyone have a female Italian Greyhound who's a sexual deviant? Secret, that's the name of her Italian Greyhound, has just discovered the joys of, well, this is how she's written it, of dot, dot, dot, well, dot, dot, dot, ahem, children leave the room, masturbating ahem. Children leave the room. Masturbating? Wow.

The greyhound has. Yeah. On Tuesday and again today while she's in the car, it seems to happen by accident. She's sitting with her back legs splayed and her front paw happens to touch her privates. Then she starts frantically rubbing. Oh, my God.

She had this startled, surprised, confused look on her face. I think we all did the first couple of times. And she didn't know what had come over her. We weren't in the car though. I hope not. I can't decide if it's funny, cute or disturbing. Maybe all three. Looks like it's time I had the talk with her.

And then it says, the look she gets is similar to this. And then there's a picture of the dog and it's like. Wow. Yeah. I don't want to see that again. That's something else. Yeah, isn't it? Isn't it?

Did dogs do that? I've never heard of a dog doing that. My dog humps things, but he's a dude. Yeah. It's just standard for him. I don't know. Well, I guess if it's good for the goose, it's good for the game. Next, let's go to the, oh, I don't know.

I'm not going to say what group this is on because this seems like one of those ones we'll hear about it. Okay. Yeah. Georgia writes, are there any psychic minds or energy feelers out there that can point me in the direction of my engagement ring? Bad photo, but I'm so desperate. I've lost it.

Yeah. I don't remember taking it off, but I do occasionally take it off because of swelling, but I'm so desperate. I've lost it. I don't remember taking it off but I do occasionally take it off because of swelling. But I found my wedding ring under the armchair in the lounge. I have an awful gut feeling that Mr. Ten Months has found it. I'm not sure where he's taken it. I hope he hasn't put it down a plug hole or down the hatch.

So she's after a psychic, a mind or energy feeler to tell her where the engagement ring is. I'm getting a bit of energy from under the big couch. I'm getting a bit of energy from... I feel like an earthly energy. Right. It is either in dirt or near dirt.

Okay. It's definitely on the earth. Right. It's not in space. I'm getting like an energy that I'm sitting in a room with two bullshitters. Don't believe in any of this stuff. Oh my God. Oh my God, have I like nailed it?

I'm actually picking up some sarcastic earth vibes right now. Yeah, yeah. You're really killing our mood here, Megan, our energy field. I feel like someone didn't charge their crystals last four months, so they're in a little bit of like a low energy buzz. And given that,

you know, the stars are moving into a Jupiter-centric astrology sign. Would you like to touch my hand to charge up a little bit? Charge up.

Oh yeah, very facetious. That's a powerful energy. You're fully charged. Next, we're with Rolleston Community Page. That's a powerful energy. You're fully charged. Next, from the Rolleston community page, it's always a fun time in Rolleston. Roll on into Rolleston. Do they have a slide in there?

That's a good one, yeah. Encourages tourism. Roll on into Rolleston. Yeah. If that's not on the sign. Because it's a bit out, right? It's just to explain something about the place, isn't it? Yeah, it's not really a play on names.

Yeah, it's not in Roll-On-In. You're not wrong. That should be on a sign at the entrance to Rollerstone. Yeah. If it's not, what a crime. Or the bakery should sell sausage Rollerstones. Like, I'm giving this away for free, Rollerstone. Yeah, take it.

Advertising execs would charge hundreds of thousands for this. Like, we would be, like, Hoover and Coke, and we'd be coming up with these if we were advertising executives. But we're not. We work in radio, so it's a gentle coffee and just a freebie for you.

Yep. Beck writes on the Rolison community page, is there anyone local that makes gluten-free birthday cakes? I can decorate it myself, but I'm not good enough of a baker to trust that it won't taste like cardboard that's had a cat dragged its arsehole across. Oh, my God. Vivid description.

So Bec wants a gluten-free birthday cake, can't bake it, can decorate. Reason she can't bake it is she doesn't trust herself to not make it taste like a cat has dragged itself straight across the cake. This one from the Thames Coromandel Community Grapevine Original Information Sharing Group. Quite lengthy. Probably cut that in half, Thames. Sick of people moaning about KFC on here.

I'm a fat MF-er and it ain't big bones. I am a fast food connoisseur. I can recite the menus of KFC, Macca's, BK and Wendy's. Seasonal specials included. Off the top of my head like a 10-year-old spitting times tables. Pizza Hut $5 pizza is an entree if you're getting my drift. I've been to KFC Thames at least 40 times this year. Every time they've delivered me hot, greasy,

crispy, 11 secret herbs and spices, skin-covered chicken, just like it says on the box. To mix it up, last week I had a pepper mayo twister and that sucker was made with love. Y'all skinny, no-taste-bud, whining bitch fools moaning about my people's working hard to get me to

an early grave. You can take your bony bums off the pack and save for a salad. Now this is in response there's a lot of a regular moan on the Thames page is about KFC. What is it?

The service or something? Just everything maybe. Right. Service the product and everything. Well this person as you've quite heard quite passionate

about fast food they said they'll eat it all and they've had nothing but delightful service and crispy chicken from Caves. So quit your bitching. Quit your bitching.

Let's pop up first. There's been a theft. A theft. This is on the Monga Turoto official public group Lorraine has posted. This is a bit unbelievable.

During the night last night, someone stole our water tank. How big was that? It was 1,500 gallons. Sizable. That's huge. Sizable. Thousands and thousands of litres. Yeah.

From the Brindoon end of State Highway Highway 12 Leaving us with no water If anybody was out and about During the night And saw this Please contact the local police station They must have been here for a while As they would have had to have drained it And they just cut the pipes

Leaving water pouring onto the farm below Please share and help us get the culprits Someone stole a water tank They drained it I remember Kerry McIver Who works upstairs on Newstalk ZB. Yeah. She had a house up north, and she said she got there one day

and a 25,000 litre water tank had been stolen. Oh, my God. You've kind of got to admire the sheer audacity of it all. I'm not at all condoning it. So you drain it, But then 25,000 ladies Even if it's one of those plastic ones That's going to be a heavy lift to get it on a trailer They're huge

You see them transported on trucks My parents got one that to get it craned Over the back of the house Because it's heavy You see them on the truck They've got to be on their side and like strapped down With a million bajillion straps. So cheeky.

Crazy. But anyway, one's missing. So if you see one, up those ways. This comes to us from the Methvin local page. Chicken alert. Two chickens have been vandalising the pavement opposite the library. Given the events a couple of weeks ago regarding birds in this area, I'd hate to see the same thing happen.

Where are the owners of these chickens? Now, I don't know what event that they are speaking about. Maybe if you're in Methvin and you can let us know. It sounds to me like some birds in public maybe got gunned down. Oh my God.

A drive-by. Yeah, it sounds like a chicken drive-by. There were some birds that met a grizzly end. Goodness. Rosie leaps to the chicken's defence saying those chickens aren't vandalising, they're weeding. Chickens are very handy at weeding garden and turning soil.

They can come to my place. I've got plenty of gardening that needs doing. Rosie does. Don't mums always have a lot of gardening that needs doing? They do, yeah. Or if they arrive somewhere and someone's just tidied the house, they're like, you can pop over to mine anytime you like. Good stuff.

Next for community notices, we're going to pop to the Waddle Downs Grapevine. Oh, okay. This is a thriving community page servicing the area of Waddle Downs. Karina's taken a photo. She's uploaded this to the group. It's of a lime scooter. And she said this scooter's been outside the wild area path on Tingentong. Tingentong.

That's a funny street name, isn't it? Tingentong. Tingentong. Are you looking it up to see if it exists? Yeah. T-I-N-G-I-N-T-O-N. Tingentong. Tingentong.

Tingentong. Tingentong. Avenue, yeah. This is fun just listening to you try and figure it out. Tingentong and Waddle Downs. Sounds like a made-up place, doesn't it? It does, doesn't it? It's been there for a few hours.

Does this scooter belong to anybody or has it been stolen? And that was really cute because then people had to explain to her what lime scooters were and how they worked. But that's really cute that she hadn't heard about it. Let's go to Oxford now, the Oxford New Zealand community page. Lee reports one ostrich seen running down MacGyro's Road if anyone's looking for their lost ostrich. Oh, my God. Maybe it was trying to find Ting Tong Avenue.

Ting Tong Avenue in Waddle Downs. Remember when everyone was investing in ostriches and emus because they were going to be the meat of the future? Maybe it's a leftover one of those. It could very well be a leftover one of those. And finally, from the Manawatu buy and sell everything, pets included, page. Brenda writes,

can anyone tell me if it's okay to give my dog some Panadol until I can take him to the vet? No. He has a very sore back, poor,

I've been bathing it for the last couple of days hoping it'll come right but he's no better. Taking him to the vet on Thursday but can I give him a couple of Panadol

to ease the pain in the meantime? The amount of quick replies will blow your mind. Everyone's just, no, no, no, Brenda, no, no, don't do it. Don't, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Take a new emergency vet. Brenda, no, no, Brenda, no.

No, it's not safe. No, Brenda. Definitely not Brenda. No, please, Brenda, no. You'll kill him. You'll kill him. You can't give a dog any sort of human medication. No, Brenda, no, no, Brenda, Brenda, no, no, Brenda, don't do it.

Oh, my God. So I think she got the message. I don't think Brenda did. Right. Those are today's community notices. Brenda, no, no, Brenda, no, no, Brenda, don't, don't, Brenda, no. Go to Chicken Hong Avenue. For a water tank and an ostrich.

Here's a Facebook page we've never had a community notice from before. Okay. What Kiwi Vegans Eat. Oh, okay. It's where Kiwi Vegans share their recipes. Yeah. And tell each other what they're eating. And so other people have an array of food to eat.

And don't get bored with the same old recipes that they've got. Same old salad. Susie posted on What Kiwi Vegans Eat, it's time to make sushi for my boy. Ingredients. Avocado. Flavour stock. Sushi seaweed.

Rice. some mushrooms. Yep. And baked beans. From a tin? She makes the sushi, yes, from a tin. She makes the sushi as you usually would and just slops the baked beans into the sushi. I don't know how I feel about that because all the sauce would make it a bit soggy, wouldn't it? Well, no, not, well, just a bit of sauce, I think she must spoon them out.

Right, okay. Yeah. But people are taking great offence. Really? At the fact that she would put baked beans into sushi. Yeah. Not because they're not a vegan product, but there's a civil war amongst vegans

whether or not baked beans have a place. Someone says, baked beans have a place. Someone says, baked beans? And she said, yes, see the picture. She said, yeah, I'm looking right at the picture, and that's the problem. She said, baked beans from the canned food department, dear. That's a bit passive. Oh, yeah, it is. And she said, yeah, I know what they are.

I'm just wondering if they've got any place in sushi, vegan or not. Seems like a real cultural wrong, doesn't it? It's odd. Don't it? Real. I just. It's odd. Yeah. Don't fight amongst yourselves, vegans. Yeah, it doesn't seem very forgiving, does it? Don't fight the meat eaters. Be united.

Don't fight amongst yourselves. They're going to fight each other. Yeah. There'll be nothing left for the meat eaters to eat of the vegans. I assume that's where it's going to end up. Yeah. Let's go to buy, sell, Swap, Huanganui. There is a couch for sale.

Reposting as no one got back to us on the weekend when we posted it. Right. Obviously, everybody's busy because who wouldn't want this couch described as a three-seater couch in good condition, just need to be washed down to get the cat piss stains out of it. Oh, no. You're welcome. A two-seater also available for purchase. Nothing wrong with it, just a big dip of it. Oh, no. You're welcome. A two-seater, also available for purchase.

Nothing wrong with it, just a big dip in it. Okay. It's like a big dip. It's like you would sit in it and you'd go into the dip. So the spring's broken. Also, we've got a coffee table that's still for sale. It's got wheels, but just doesn't have handles. And a cabinet's in pretty good nick,

but it just doesn't have one of the doors. Sounds like a trip to the dumps in order. So, yeah. That's probably why someone didn't get back to them on the weekend. Yeah. Let's pop across to Glenfield on the north shore of Auckland. Megan has posted, not our Megan, another Megan. I am shocked at the behaviour of some people.

Ten minutes ago at the time of this posting, I saw a male wearing a maroon puffer jacket going for a poo on somebody else's lawn on Alice Road. If I'd spotted him sooner, I would have driven up onto the footpath and pinned him. Really? I don't know if that quite... The punishment doesn't equal the crime. No, no.

I've made a complaint with the council. I hope the occupant of the house with the green fence has a lot of disinfectant for their lawn. Disgusting behaviour. In public at the time the kids were coming home from school. So this was in mid-afternoon. Oh, okay. In my mind it was dark at least. No, no. He was pooping right there on the side of the road. I just let the rain

take care of that. I wouldn't even want to look at it. That's not the last. O'Brien Road Neighbours. This doesn't say what page it was on because the person that screencapped it to get the whole picture of it has cropped out where it came from. O'Brien Road Neighbours. This doesn't say what page it was on because the person that screencapped it to get the whole picture of it has cropped out where it came from. O'Brien Road Neighbours. Anyone else have experience with this crazy cycling lady

who drives a maroon station wagon? We are speechless. Can we get a trespasser in my area? We pick up, every day we pick up bottles and bags from takeaways, but I refuse to pick up her poo what sort of person does this on someone else's

road frontage and there's a picture of it oh my god she's a cyclist so she's like but she's a cycling lady who drives a maroon station wagon

so does she have her bike on the back and she drives and she stops and she goes through a I don't know I don't know but they've seen her

drive to a toilet doing it right there on the... Yeah. On the ground. Very unusual. And finally, from the Whitby community page, Jane writes, need very urgently three exclamation marks.

Okay. I need a mole catcher. I've tried everything. Please. A mole catcher? I don't think we've got moles. I don't think we do. Rabbits will dig a hole. Rabbits. We've got rabbits. Plenty of rabbits. Is. A mole catcher. I don't think we've got moles. I don't think we do. Rabbits will dig a hole. Rabbits.

We've got rabbits. Plenty of rabbits. Is there a mole? A small localised infestation in Whitby? Yeah, it's from the Whitby New Zealand Community page. Is that all? Is that all it says? Unless she's talking about mole, that delicious Mexican chocolate and spicy

sauce. Oh yeah, that's a delicious chicken mole. And it's fallen from the sky and she wants to catch it in some sort of mole-catching receptacle. Yeah, she must have rabbits. Definitely not moles, eh? I'm not going nuts. I searched moles in New Zealand and all that came up was like how to check your moles on your back.

Yeah, skin cancer moles. You know, how to check your moles. No, there's no moles in New Zealand. No. I feel like we would have seen it by now if that was the case. Let's first go to the Pernambuco. That's the People's Independent Republic of New Brighton where Ariana is asking,

is anybody in North Beach not scared of spiders and want $5? I need you to come and put a vacuum bag in my vacuum that is outside and most likely has a large spider in it that I sucked up and is still alive. But it's in the bag. You'll be fine. No, but she needs to change the bag, right? Just get the bag out, right?

I'm not going in there. I feel like it's crawling back up the tube. Oh, I've got goosebumps. I feel like this is something you'd do, Megan. 100%. You just leave it outside and wait until Mr. Toyboy got home. Yeah, I'll just leave it there forever. Burn it.

Throw it out. Burn the vacuum. If you feel the need to make a stupid comment, please just shush. That's good pre-empting the mockery there. Pre-empting it with a little bit of... New Zealand, I'm fine with that. But see, if I was in Australia, I'd probably burn the vacuum cleaner. Throw it out.

Oh, my God. If you're in Australia, it would probably burn the vacuum cleaner, throw it out. Oh, my God. If you're in Australia, it would have blocked your vacuum. Some of those huntsmen. By the time you left it outside, there'd be a snake in there, too. Yeah. Oh, a snake goes up the tube. Where did you see a snake wearing around your Dyson? Oh, my God.

Oh. Oh. Just leave the house and never come back. I'd never vacuum again. This one This next one we go to The Hawke's Bay This is Napier News

Hamish writes and you may have seen this When doing the rounds Are these anybody's dogs? They've been having a root and now they're stuck together Down Nuffield Ave Doesn't that happen? Yeah they get locked in So it's this dog I remember watching this thing about wolves See look at these the dogs Down Nuffield Ave. Doesn't that happen? Yeah, they get locked in. They get stuck.

They get locked. So it's this dog. I remember watching this thing about wolves. See, look at these, the dogs. They're stuck together. Stuck back. Okay. They've got their back. Well, they hunt.

They do it doggy style, which is named after the dog's style of fornicating. Okay. But then afterwards, when it happens, the dog's penis expands and sort of like gaff-hooks them, sticks them together so that no other dogs can come and impregnate it. It's like a fishing hook. It's like to ensure that that dog's goodies, his genetic material, impregnates the other, the female dog. Bloody Sir David Annenborough over here with that eloquent description. Sometimes the release doesn't happen, right?

The release, it takes a while because it is and it's meant to lock them in so that nobody else can get in until it's all done. It's like when the space station docks. Yes.

Yes. With the capsule docks of the space station you can't have any air getting out. There's a race to get to the space station and the Russians dock

and then they're like well we can't leave until all of our Russians get to the space station and the Russians dock and then they're like, well, we can't leave until all of our Russians are in the space station and then give them a chance to set up before we let the Americans come and let them get all the good beds before the Americans dock. Or the Japanese or whomever else is at the International Space Station.

Right. And that's what the dogs do. Brilliant analogy. Yeah. Thank you. So how do they get them apart? You just have to wait. I was like, thank God, and that's what the dogs do. Brilliant analogy. Yeah. Thank you. So how do they get them apart? You just have to wait. Thank God, imagine that. Give them some time. Yeah, it's not... Does that happen to humans?

It's not great. Next up... Especially if you call them an Uber. Can you set a delay on Uber? I need it in... How long do you reckon this is going to take? Last time it was 15 minutes. I might set it at 20 just to be safe,

but if it all comes unlocked at 15, just scoot down and be ready, okay? All right. Let's do this. Next up from the Christchurch pages comes somebody asking if anybody will be voting for Tubby Hanson. Okay. Tubby Hanson for the Canterbury District Health Board.

Okay. Tubby's running, and apparently Tubby runs every time there's local elections. Okay. He says there's no such thing as schizophrenia. This is in his bio. In 1989, the American woman and New Zealand team bugged a man's house.

They bugged the man's house. They bugged the jug and the radio and the fan heater, and they started to nag him if these were turned off. It was difficult to pull apart a good working jug, and if the radio was turned to another station, it would take 17 seconds exactly for them to retune to their station of choice. The fan heater was stripped down and had two overheating diodes, one of which talked in a high-pitched voice. If you put your fingers around the diode,

it'd stop talking. It'd turn on its tape recorder when it went out and the police would not listen to the tapes. Something must be done about thrush and chlamydia. This is exactly who I want running my local health board. Did that make sense? No, Megan, it didn't. It didn't.

Okay. Did you think you'd had a stroke or something? Yeah, I was like, what's happening? I'm not following the story at all. But as democracy stands, anyone's allowed to put their hand up for elections. So that's... How does he feel about fluoride in the water and 5G?

He didn't even get to that. That's the end of his thing. Oh, right. Okay. Absolutely no idea. Well, something must be done about thrushing. He didn't even get to that. That's the end of his thing. Oh, right. Okay. Absolutely no idea. Well, something must be done about thrush and chlamydia. He's not wrong there.

Thrush. Okay. I don't know. What can be done about thrush? Some penicillin afterwards, right after the fact. Some cream or something. Some cream.

Let's pop back up to Auckland to Te Atatu Peninsula. My old neighbourhood, my old stomping ground where somebody said, hi guys, this is from Sunday morning. Did anybody hear the salami warning today? Haratou Peninsula. My old neighbourhood, my old stomping ground, where somebody said, hi, guys. This is from Sunday morning. Did anybody hear the salami warning today?

I had a salami warning at my house. Because you put up the salami. I had no idea where this meant until I worked out it happened about the same time as you had the tsunami warning. Right. And because you're... They test it after daylight saving. Yeah, to make sure it still works. Did anyone hear the salami warning today?

I got the text, but did you hear the siren? It's the smell that I give away. A good salami warning. It's peppery. Yeah, yeah. Deliciously. Let's pop into Hallswell, shall we? Where Sophie Clark has a burning question.

We've done something a little bit silly, says Sophie. We dropped a curry on our little white dog. Oh, no. I hope it wasn't hot. Any idea on how to get an orange-based curry out of dog fur, Google no help this time. You wouldn't, would you? Thanks.

Like, I've had curry on a white T-shirt, and it was, you cannot get it out. It's toast. It's gone. But then, like, a dog is a living creature, so surely. It will grow out. It will grow out eventually. Oh, my God. Please tell me there's a follow-up.

There's no follow-up. Oh, no. Dave said if you try to naan. Classic Dave there. There's always someone called Dave with a quick quip on a Facebook page. What are you Googling? I'm Googling spilt curry on a white dog. But she said Google wouldn't help. No, I just wanted to see if there was pictures.

Oh, right. I found curry stain removal. Oh, how to remove stains from white fur. No, you're very right. There's no specific Googling for curry on a dog. Yeah. There's brown stains off my white dog. Like using a clean white cloth sponge to stain with a detergent vinegar solution,

but then you're probably going to irritate your dog. Yeah. Yeah. He's going to get scabs and stuff. It'll be not just orange, it'll be scabby. Right. Oh, buddy. Well, from Hallswell, let's take the 29-minute bus trip to New Brighton.

Okay. I literally just Googled Hallswell to New Brighton. It's a 19.8 kilometre, 29-minute. No, that's a car ride. Hold on. Shit, it's a 50-minute, 59-minute drive to... On a bus. On a bus.

Well, you love your public transport, don't you? You love to encourage it. Yeah. Cave On writes on the New Bright... Actually actually the Christchurch Police Checkpoint page, which is usually letting people know where checkpoints are to be avoided. And if you're going to tell people how to avoid checkpoints, you're definitely going to have a name like Cave On. There's a man down New Brighton Pier running up and down the beach nude masturbating.

I have called the authorities. And there was a few reports of this, actually. A few, yeah. I don't know. Somebody, that doesn't sound right, does it? I like to do mine at home. Selling up and down the beach. Most people do.

Whilst running. Not on a pier. Also, it's cold. It's cold. You've got to do while running. Yeah, what time of the day was this? Because what was it? It was a news story.

You shouldn't hold your phone while you're running. Yes. You certainly shouldn't be playing with your penis while you're running. No. No, but anyway, I don't have an end to that story either. Oh, Lord. Goodness me. I'm not entirely sure on how to follow that up.

Hey, let's jump back on the bus and go back to Hallsworth. We probably should have done this before, but it's an hour back. Peter writes on the Hallsworth page, guys, I'm thinking about starting a Hallsworth hookups page. I was thinking maybe some of the yummy mummies have the odd day without doing nothing during the day and looking for a bit of fun. Let's face it, we all like fun. Peter.

Peter, Peter. Peter. Peter. Get on. Peter. Peter, Peter. Peter. Get on Tinder like everybody else, Peter. Days before, Peter had actually written on the same page, just wondering if there are any nice ladies 30 to 40 in the Hornswell area that might be looking for some fun. You're like, Jesus, Peter. Peter's a horn dog.

Peter. Did Peter go to the beach after this? We may have caught the bus The one hour bus trip To New Brighton Peter then writes On the Hallswell community page Uncensored

Which somebody started up Because obviously They said something On the Hallswell page That got deleted I've just added a new page For a bit of fun Hallswell honeys

And links to the Hallswell honeys page No What are you doing mate James aren't your parents From Hallswell Honeys page. No! What are you doing, mate? James, aren't your parents from Hallswell? Just lock up your mum. I'd just be very... Keep an eye on your mum.

She might join Hallswell Honeys. Oh, yeah. I'll see if she mentions anyone called Peter. Yeah, I just... She's been going down to the community centre, but I think that's for yoga. Well, I hope so. Jesus.

Does your dad go with her? No. He goes to running the bloody yoga class. Does your dad go with her? No. He goes to the pub, so yeah, there you go. I think there's no Peter at the yoga at the pub. Yeah, I don't know. Peter's not taking the yoga. Your dad's at the pub while mum's doing yoga. Brilliant. Yeah, classic. It's yin and yang there. That's what it takes. Yeah, that's what it takes.

Let's pop to the North Island to the Huntley Notice Board. Carolyn is ropeable. Okay. Hello, I live, and then she says where she lives, and have a beautiful rooster. His name is Jake. I've been given three-week notice issued by the Waikato Council to lose him. My husband and I assume that some MF and arsehole.

Okay. Oh, no. Didn't have the guts to approach us and discuss his crowing that starts from 5am Most mornings But went straight To the council I mean

I wonder why This person already Seems so Tolerant and calm About this They seem approachable My point is If you can't talk

To your neighbours About SHIT That bothers you Then you can F right off with it We've got farm dogs Barking into all hours Of the night

Since we moved here in 2015. Cattle being herded. Geese flying overhead. Oh, wait. So it sounds like it's like rural and someone's complaining about a rooster. She says she lives on a terrace. Now, you don't often hear a rural road.

Maybe it backs onto a rural setting. She's angry about the geese flying over, though. I don't know if she knows how they work. And MF is letting off fireworks whenever they feel to top it off, crowing roosters from the neighbouring properties and farms are apparent. We own our property and we want the country life. Any comments appreciated, positive or negative?

By the way, we know who you are. We know who laid the complaint. You don't need a rooster unless you're breeding. They protect the chickens, right? It's a happier life without a rooster because, yeah, the chickens are pretty quiet. Yeah, they protect the chickens, right? Oh, it's a happier life without a rooster because, yeah, the chickens are pretty quiet. Yeah, they'd be annoying, wouldn't they? Yeah, they are. Just a quick one from the Christchurch Buy, Sell and Trade page.

Phyllis is selling some booby tassels. Oh, lovely. And yeah, as you guessed, there's no one under 60 called Phyllis, so that's interesting. And finally, this one's a juicy steak. Cooked medium rare or rare. It's definitely not medium or well done. That's not juicy enough. Is anybody married to a roofer that lives in Dunedin

and you got a big Buddha wrapped up for your anniversary yesterday? I'll advise you to leave this prick. Oh, my God. Because here is the conversation. When he bought it off me, we were talking about jobs, and he said there was a cleaning gig going that he knows of. So I said, oh, that's great, because that's what I do. I gave him my number just to be passed on to the manager of the cleaning company,

and then I received this message. Oh, hey, I have a question. Please don't take it wrong. I'll get freaked out by it, okay? I'm not a weird guy, okay? To which I replied, sure. He don't take it wrong. I'll get freaked out by it, okay? I'm not a weird guy, okay? To which I replied, sure. He writes, are you single? I'll remind you, he met this person while buying a big Buddha for his wife on their anniversary.

Are you single? Because I truly think you're sexy as like, wow, lol. You seem like an amazing woman. You're married. I literally gift wrapped a present for your wife. Oh, sorry. Okay. I just haven't stopped

thinking about you. Sorry. Are you single? Lol. He does not give up. He doesn't take it in here. Yeah, relentless. What's your name again?

Says gift wrapper. Yep. Just so I can find you on Facebook. He then says, I didn't mean I'm keen on you. I mean, the proof was in the pudding

i know i just wanted to find your wife and send her screenshots of this conversation seemed like a nice nice person but what makes you think i'd be interested and then she describes him my cop boyfriend is going to find this very amusing wow this set didn't even a lot i bet it didn't but the drama I bet it did. It didn't even. But the drama. Absolutely. I mean, I'm imagining if he saw that, that giant Buddha just got thrown in the skip at the construction site. What giant Buddha? Don't give it to her.

It's a weapon. He would be in less trouble for pretending he forgot the anniversary. Yeah, exactly. That would happen. Those are today's community notices. If you see anything juicy on your local Facebook page, screen cap it and send it to ours. We're FEMZM on Facebook.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.