ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - April 02 2019

Episode Date: April 1, 2019

Vaughan gave Harold a Feijoa and it changed his goat life, How Do You Know and what is the stupid reason you don't talk to a family member?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music. Lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. A cat burglar. That would be quite humorous, this story, if it wasn't for the fact he was an arsonist. And a burglar.

And a cat mask. What kind of cat mask? Here's a picture. Oh, good. Here. Oh. He's worse. Oh, it's okay.

Yeah, that's... But it's only covering half his face. Yeah, it's like a Batman-esque mask. Right. You can see the bottom part of his face. Yeah. Get all the suspects in a room and put a laser pointer on the wall. The one that can't resist.

Guilty. Yes. Because he's a cat. Do cats not follow lasers? No, they do. They love lasers. Oh, my God. Sorry.

How did you need that explanation? Have you been on the internet? Sorry, if I could just get a transcript of this combo and I'll get up to speed later. I'll have my PA type it up. I'm busy at the moment replying to hundreds of messages. But they'll get round to it. Your homework is YouTube cats and lasers. Or just become familiar with life.

You could just live a little, that'd be great. Be more aware of life That'd be super dopes Wouldn't it Alright you lot Listen up It's story time Three news headlines

For story time And Vaughan and Megan As always You pick one One headline That tickles your fancy Okay Headline one

Man's big catch Headline two Even fight And headline three Thy will be naked on earth As it is in heaven fancy. Okay. Headline one, man's big catch. Headline two, even fight. And headline three, thy will be naked on earth as it is in heaven. Brilliantly done. Is one the guys who was caught a shark and was

whining on the shark and something bigger ate the shark? No. What was the headline story one? Man's big catch. What's bigger than a shark? A bigger shark. Oh? A bigger shark. A bigger shark. I think. I think.

Or it might have been a giant. This is weird. Right. I'm a big fan of. The more I learn about cephalopods, the more I like them. The giant squid. The squiddies and the octopus. Yeah.

It's not that kangaroo, is it? No. You see those guys in a boat in Australia, there was a kangaroo out in the ocean and they dragged him in. They dragged the kangaroo. How did it get into the ocean? I don't know. They can swim though, can't they?

Well, it was struggling. It'd obviously been out there a while. A bit more than it could chew. So they held its hands and just like towed it back into the shore. Cute. It was real cute. Did it do some sort of, you know these stories always end with some animal taking on some human characteristic who's saying goodbye, like a tear.

Yeah, he bounced away, stopped, turned and looked back. It always has one of those. And then he bounced off again. And it winked. Yeah. So cute. And he said, cornflakes are on me, guys. I can't remember.

Are we doing the naked one or not? The naked on earth, as it is in heaven. Even fight or man's big catch. Even fight. Well, now I think it's either got to be big catch because we've taken two guesses and we've not been right for either of them. So we kind of need to know what that one is.

Or the naked. The naked one is just like an actress who's been told off, right? No. It's a religious, like someone's been told off, right? No. It's religious. Like someone's gone a bit nutty. Yes. And they like being naked.

Yes. Okay. I think I want man's big catch. Story number one, yeah. Okay, story number one. We go now to Germany. Oh, okay. Where a man was fishing.

He was reeling in, well, he He was in reeling in, well, he thought he was reeling in a massive fish while he was angling. That's where you stand in your big waders and you just give a nice little flick. That's fly fishing. Oh. Is fly fishing angling?

I thought it was the same thing. Is fly fishing angling? Oh, yes. First result often asked. Okay. Fly fishing is an angling method. Well, what's angling then? What is angling?

Fishing. Maybe they use more of a bigger rod or hook or sinker. Angling is a method of fishing by means of using an angle. Fish hook. Oh. The hook is usually attached to a fishing line and the line is often attached to a fishing rod. So literally everything that's not net fishing is angling. Right.

Because you're using an angle. That's what they used to call it. No, but that's just fishing, isn't it? That's what we call fishing, yes. Yeah. But I guess you can go fishing with a net. Well, he was fishing and he thought he'd pulled in a big catch. So he started reeling it in. And what he reeled in was a French hand grenade from World War II.

We should have known when you said Germany. It's always... Yes, it always is. Bombs off. So apparently he was using normal fishing tackle with a hook. Yeah. And instead of a fish, it was a grenade. A grenade.

Yeah. It was handed over to the Explosive Ordnance Disposal Service. Yeah. And instead of a fish, it was a grenade. A grenade. Yeah. It was handed over to the Explosive Ordnance Disposal Service. Yeah. Apparently, a similar incident happened in Hamburg. Two children were fishing. They found a World War II hand grenade. And one of the 11-year-olds had attached a magnet to a fishing rod as part of a treasure hunt.

Oh, my God. Yes, boy. You know those games? What's that game you play? Yeah, that little fishing game where they go around in a circle and their mouths go hum, hum. And you've got to catch them. Yeah.

So were the pins out? They just hadn't exploded. Maybe the pin was in. I'm not too sure. Scary. But, yeah, apparently it was live. Wow. And then it was French because it gave up so easily.

And it had a little moustache. Under the pin, a little hairy moustache. Yeah. Very fine though. Very like, yeah. Huey. But it didn't explode. Nobody.

Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. So at Principal, it's for a private Sydney girls' school. It's prestigious. All I can think about is Jemay now. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Private school girl. Okay, so let's all think of that. What school is it? It is Kambala. Kambala and Rose Bay. Kambala? Yeah. It even sounds flash.

Rose Bay. I was just going to look at the yearly fees. Kambala. Kambala. Yeah. It even sounds flash. Rose Bay. Kambala. I was just going to look at like the yearly fees. Kambala. Kambala. Oh, I can't even spell it, so I'm not going to get there. Go on. It's with a K.

He said that he's got a new idea on how to do exams, and it's radical. It's out there and not everyone agrees. But he thinks that during exams, students should be allowed to use the internet and search engines like Google on their mobile phones while they sit their final exams. Interesting. So you could Google the answers. I mean, that kind of reflects life, doesn't it?

If you are in the workforce and you need to find an answer, you'll use everything at your disposal. I guess. And it'll be things where you've still got to put it into your own words, right? It'll be like essays or... Well, he said the way we do tests now are outdated and little to do with the

real world and people do memorise entire essays going into the exam. So being able to Google things could add more depth to their learning. Yeah, totally. And could reflect the real world. Yeah, I get that. But then you'd have to change the questions so it wasn't just like a straight up answer that you could just Google.

That you could Google. But then it's even with maths, you've still got to like the formulas are nuts. You've still got to know how to use them. Yeah. So they give you a formula and then you can Google how to do it, but you're still going to have to show your working of doing what's on the page in front of you. Right. Yeah, I think that's...

Yeah, I kind of... I'm on board. I definitely feel like the exam as it is is outdated. Yeah. Put it this way, though. If you were sending your kid to this private school in Sydney and you were paying them between $19,000 and $35,000 a year, would you...

Australian. Australian. Would you be happy if they got a free pass at exams and got to Google the answers? Well... Am I still allowed to say yes? I just Googled it. I feel like I've been guilted into not being able to say yes.

I feel like if I was paying that much money, I would want them to get an A. Yeah. By whatever means possible. But imagine if you send your kid to, like, Lawrence when, you know, you finally have Lawrence to private school and he's like, dumb. Yeah.

So it would be like this cheating scandal in America. They're, like, paying for their kid to get there at all costs. But Lorentz is actually just not very bright. And that's okay, but he's got great fashion. Yes. And is he a nice person? Yes, that's what matters. That's the most important thing.

Yeah. Exactly. That's the most important thing. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Today's Top Six deals with the fact that Mark Zuckerberg's Facebook history is hatchy. Apparently, some of his status has disappeared. And he is like, it's a glitch. Everyone's like.

Yeah, this has happened before, Mark. News organizations are trying to report on things and they go back to what he previously said and they're like, well, those have disappeared. Like when he said, oh, no, we're not. You know when they bought Instagram? Yeah. You know, they said, oh, you know, we'll let it be independent and it'll do its own thing.

Oh, right. And that's not... Has he deleted the one where he said, we're definitely not listening to you? Even though that was only, what, months ago?. That's not. Has he deleted the one where he said, we're definitely not listening to you? Even though that was only, what, months ago? But no, no, because he's, it's the phones that are listening to us. Right. They're receiving the information,

but it's the phones. So he got us on a technicality there. But is he just getting Facebook memories and being like, ooh, delete? Yeah, totally. Like the rest of us. Like, oh, what did I say today in 2007?

Oh, my God. I said that in public. That is horrendous. Delete it. Pretend it never happened. Yeah. So the top six Facebook statuses Mark Zuckerberg has had deleted. Number six.

Man, these Mac versus PC TV ads are hilarious The old guy is the PC That's right Yeah, those were really good Yeah At the time It's that comedian guy, eh? They were both comedians, weren't they?

One's the actor I thought they were both comedians One was the guy that did the Daily Show. Yeah, that's right. The old guy with the moustache. But the other guy was just that actor, Justin Long. Oh, right. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was a Justin. He's a big fan, though. Number five on the list of the top six statuses Mark Zuckerberg has since deleted. Man, cronuts are the best. Nothing will ever change my mind. They'll be around forever. Cronuts. Man, cronuts are the best. Nothing will ever change my mind. They'll be around forever. Cronuts. Man, I like them so much,

I should have put a ring on them. Cronuts are still around. I know, but they're not nearly as... They're not as bad. Oh, they hit the ground running. Do you have cronuts at the cafe, at your cafe? Not at the moment.

What do you have in the cabinet? Donuts. Because somebody just literally messaged in saying they've just been to your cafe. Oh, really? This is at 10 minutes past six. Where's the chicken casserole? They went at six in the morning wanting a casserole.

Okay. So that's not there. But what do you, you don't have any cronuts in the cabinet? No. Donuts. Donuts. Slices. Ginger slices.

Do you have ginger slices? Do you know, I said the other day the ratio between icing and slices is not good enough. I was like, needs more icing. Fletch would not have that. Yeah, no, you're right. You've got to get the ratio right. Crack. She's getting it done over here.

Did you tell someone off in the kitchen? Yeah, I told Andrew off. Oh, good. No, I don't speak to my staff like that, only my husband. Oh, I know, that's right. Yeah, of course the one person you love you should speak to far worse than people you pay to be there. Yeah.

Good point. 100%. That makes sense. It's just a life wife mantra. Yeah. It's always your husband's fault. Number four on the list of the top six statuses Mark Zuckerberg has deleted. Wowee, guys.

Just got a sweet new pink digital camera. Almost said dick, didn't I? Yeah. Got a sweet new dick. I didn't say that. Just got a sweet new pink digital camera. It's got seven megapixel photos. Amazing quality.

They'll never get better than this. I'll be able to send high quality photos to the guy on the internet that everyone loves, Perez Hilton. Very. Yeah. You look back on that, you,

cool. Now you don't even need a digital camera really. You just travel with your phone, eh? It's amazing. So you still see them out there, you're like,

cameras. Yeah. But even my mum's not. My mum just uses the iPad now. Yeah. She's one of those boomers. She's one of those boomers. That was it.

Standing on the cruise ship with her big iPad. She was using it recently at a grandchild's birthday, recording something, and she's like, oh, I don't know what's happened to the screen. And the case she had it in had flapped around and covered the camera. It's pretty good. Classic game. I wish I'd videoed it because she would have been confused about it for ages.

Number three on the list of the top six studies is Mark Zuckerberg's deleted because they had a time and a place. Whoa, hologram Will.i.am. This is amazing election coverage. This will be my favorite thing ever. Will.i.am, he pre-two-parked the hologram. Yeah, he did, yeah. Yeah, but he amazing election coverage. This will be my favourite thing ever. Will.i.am, he pre-Tupac. Yeah, he did, yeah. Yeah, but he's still alive. Why do you hologram yourself when you're alive?

I don't know. He just couldn't be there. Yeah. For the historic 2008 elections. So he just dialed in. Someone's doing a tour around North America. Is it Buddy, Holly and someone else? And they're touring as holograms. This is

happening this summer in America. Buddy Holly's dead. Yeah, holograms. That's the point. That's why you do the holograms. Oh, I thought you meant like he was just staying in LA but broadcasting his holograms. No, someone is literally hologramming two dead musos. How are they getting... Roy Orbison and

Buddy Holly. Yeah, that's it. The big O. What is... How? Have they taken historic footage and 3D-fied it? Just like they did with the Tupac. Tupac?

Or get some actors to dress up. No, because you're not seeing Roy Orbison. You're seeing someone lip-sync to Roy Orbison. Same. Close enough. Big difference. Number two on the list of the top six statuses Mark Zuckerberg has since deleted. I'm loving following all these hilarious pages on Facebook that are just like jokes but have

hundreds of thousands of people following the page. Like the one, I just yelled at my stepladder, you're not my real ladder. That's where Fact of the Day started from, isn't it? Yeah, it was Page of the Day. Page of the Day. And it was just really hard to explain if you're younger and you don't remember this, but people would just literally start a page, write a joke, and then people would just follow the page.

And the page would very rarely post other stuff. Maybe the odd other joke? Sometimes they'd sell out or try to do merch. Yeah. Yeah. Is that like, was that before memes? Was that like an early meme? Yeah, I think it was.

Yeah, it kind of was. It was like a meme and you followed it because you thought it was funny, but now we realise we can just make them images. Yeah. Some stage of like 2012-ish, you went through the list of pages you liked and you were like, no.

Yeah. Gone, gone, gone, gone, gone, gone, gone, gone, gone. And the number one status Mark Zuckerberg has since deleted because it had a time and a place and that is not now. Man, vampires are cool. I could watch every TV show and movie and read every book about vampires. So cool.

That is today's top six. Men under 30. I guess it's not a problem. It's just, it's interesting. Okay. Men under 30 are having less sex. And a record number of them have not had sex in the past year. So this is a study that's been done.

It found that 23% of adults on early one and four said they hadn't had sex in a year and a large number of them are 20-something year old men. Right, and this is comparing data to like previous decades, isn't it? Yeah, so it's tripled in the past decade, the amount of men under 30 who are not having sex.

Do you think that's because like Fortnite. Fortnite definitely in the last year but also like now like younger people it's easier to communicate online. Yeah, you can socialise without leaving your home. Well we would be one

of the least sociable generation surely. Megan, you're socialise without leaving your home. Yeah. Well, we would be one of the least sociable generation, surely. Megan, you're not under 30, please. Oh, it's meaning millennials. Take yourself in there. Millennials. Up across millennial. Oh, you can talk. You're like absolute barrier millennial.

Oh, no, I'm absolutely happily embrace my Gen Y. Excuse me, I am 100% a millennial. You're actually a baby boomer at heart. We're all baby boomers in the making. So they say it's because they don't have a lot of the men under 30 don't have a live-in partner. Right. So like if they wanted to.

Because they still live at mum and dad's. Because that's the other thing, right? People are living at home for way longer. But it's these more men are likely to live at home in their 20s than women the number of 20 something men is much higher like right living at home i would have thought with like apps like tinder that this would have yeah but you have to like you would get tired you have to like yeah like it's all very well it's like making plans you're like yeah no i'll be there and then you're sitting at home you're like oh's all very well. It's an effort. It's like making plans. You're like, yeah, no, I'll be there. And then you're sitting at home, you're like, oh, I was never going to go.

That's pretty much what it's like. Just as many guys cancel on Tinder dates as girls because they're like, I had a hard day at work. I can't move all the... Yeah. Netflix. Yeah, Netflix or Fortnite or PlayStation. The bees.

We're dropping in with the bees. Yeah. It's going to be easier. It's crazy that a battle royale victory has become what everybody's after over and above sex. Yeah. But is a battle royale victory as good as a big O? Yeah.

Well, you can chase one all night and maybe not get one. You don't remember. The big O, you can what? The battle royale victory. No, I don't remember those. It's a long time ago. But you could chase a battle royale all night and not get it, but a big A you could get in a couple of minutes if you know what you're doing.

You'll probably do that while it's loading, really. What, you? By yourself? Anybody by themselves. If you can't, then you're not doing it right. You need to spend more time at home working on that. Fletchbourne and Megan's Community Notices. Hello and welcome to Community Notices,

a segment of the show where we have a wee peek-ski at what's going on on your community page. These get screencapped by you and submitted to us for everyone to enjoy. Let's stop now. The Gore buy, sell, and swap page. Gore. Okay.

Gore. Danny writes, need some advice if that's cool. I'm probably moving to Gore and I'll be looking to buy a place. Lucky for him. Yeah. Can anyone tell me the areas to avoid or the nice areas to move to? Just doing some property searches, but I have no idea if the streets I'm looking at are sweet or a bit stabby.

Okay. Lol. I wouldn't say Gore's stabby. I don't know if any... Now, we cross to our senior Gore correspondent, Caitlin Jane Mariet, who lived in Gore. Any parts of Gore that you would say are slightly more stabby than others? I thought I heard gunshots one time when I was asleep in bed,

and I texted my mum, and I was like, mum, there's gunshots, and then I fell asleep. And then the next day I went to the races, and so she hadn't heard from me all day. She would have been terrified. So where was I? It was just in Gore. I don't know if there's suburbs

Semi-rural Was it like Rabbit shooting or something No I think it was just a car background Oh a car background So there you go I'd want to live as close as I could To the giant trout

Yeah That would be my Delightful Real estate advice for Gore Let's go just up the road To Ashburton shall we From the Ashburton and Methan page. Samara writes,

Hello, everybody. Just wondering what the rules were around PMing other members of this page and threatening to bite their faces. Seems a bit off to me. Whoa. So I'm imagining she's been on the receiving end. Oh, yeah, right. She said, yes, somebody said, heck, right. She said, somebody said, heck,

what's, this isn't good. Someone said, nope, not allowed. PM me the details. That must be an admin of the page. Oh, yeah. Why would you want to be an admin of a local page?

I know. That would be horrible. Because you've got to stop the feralness and then you get called the PC brigade and because you didn't let someone say something horrendous. I could see you doing it though because you're nosy. No, I don't like people though. It would be too much dealing with people. Samara

explains it was a bit strange. They're new to town. I'm not sure they'll fit in with that attitude to be honest but yes, they wanted to bite me. Nicholas asks more on the bite. Was it a ferocious bite or a cheeky nibble that could be quite annoying but not life

threatening? These details would be helpful to me making a decision. The admin then turned off commenting on the post. Oh, right. So no further word if Ash Burton's got a biting problem. Bit of drama there. To the East Auckland Grapevine, this one's always out. Karaka. Mary Ann writes, hi all, can someone tell me if this is just someone being nice

or this indicates that I am the target for a hit? Okay. Balloons were wrapped around a tree on my property in Highland Park. Am I being targeted? Yes, 100%. They just look like some rogue party balloons that maybe just got wrapped around her palm. Just got wrapped around her palm.

Above what looks to be a rather large succulent. Straight to panic. She's panic mode. She's like, they're coming Trevor, they're coming for the dog. They're gonna use our dog for dog fighting Trevor. Webing, it's that new bloody television you bought Trevor. I told you it would attract unwanted attention because it's so big and it

glows through the curtains. But everybody just assures you those are just some rogue wayward balloons. Yeah, right. Okay. Let's go to Hamilton. Buy, sell and trade Hamilton in the Waikato. A PlayStation 4 for sale. This comes with a wireless controller, all the cords,

no games, but there are 500 hours of adult films on the hard drive. 500 hours? If that isn adult films on the hard drive. 500 hours? If that isn't wanted on the console, can erase, no problem. Sunglasses emoji. What the? It's like, hey, buddy, you want to buy 500 hours of porn? No?

That's cool. I'll format the hard drive. That's cool, buddy. Let's not talk about the literal lifetime of pornography that I have on there. Also, who's going to want to touch those controllers and that PlayStation? Like, yeah. Yeah, because afterwards they would have had to have been like, I'll press stop while I deal with the aftermath.

Yes. Stop it. 500 hours? What's the average work week? 40 hours. That's two full weeks of work. Yeah. And then some leftover time.

How's that? Mad. That, yeah, Roy will be raw. Don't do that. Shivers me timbers. And finally, this is a hell of a story from the Vic Deals page. Alex writes, to the people who passed my cake back to my friends on State Highway 1, thank you so much.

You made my 21st. What? Samantha is immediately interested. What happened? That's what she writes. And Naomi says, you're in for a story. So some dumbasses, so my dumbass, this is Naomi, my dumbass left Alex's cake on top of the van.

Oh, no. And then drove off. It fell off at some point when we pulled out of the driveway, maybe when we turned at the lights, but who knows. Then there we are, just chilling, driving along, totally unaware of the whereabouts of the cake. Suddenly a car pulls up next to us, waving arms to getting our attention.

We look. The girl in the passenger seat is holding our cake. We freak out because we're like, how did she get the cake? Then we realised that we'd left it on the roof and it had fallen off. Then there was some frigging Fast and the Furious shiz going down because homie in the back seat, Dylan, winds down his window, hangs out the window while we're still going down State Highway 1. Little girl winds down their window and they pass us the cake.

Oh, no. That had made us pull over. On the highway without stopping. On successful retrieval of the cake into the vehicle, everyone erupts into clapping and cheers. We've been passed back the cake. So, yes, a huge thank you to the couple in the blue car. Absolute legends for returning the cake.

How did the cake survive the fall off the car? That's my question. It must have slid off perfectly and landed on its door. Maybe it was like a solid mud cake. A foot cake. Yeah. A mud cake. Yeah. A mud cake when it hits the ground. It would have had to have been a very solid brick-like fruit cake.

Doof must have landed perfectly. They picked it up. They spied where it came from. And there was a, as they say, a Fast and the Furious type return of the cake. That'll make a great movie of Sunday Night Theater. I'll tell you that. The return of the cake. That and those are today's community notices.

If you see something on your local Facebook page, screen camp it and send it to us. We're FEMZM on Facebook. There's two new dating terms that I want to talk about. One has, actually I'll say it's called condoing. Marie Kondo. If it doesn't bring you joy, get rid of it. Pretty much.

So it's, yeah, it's called condoing and you just get rid of the significant other if they don't spark joy, which is Netflix, Marie Kondo. If your clothes don't spark joy, you need to get rid of the significant other if they don't spark joy, which is Netflix, Marie Kondo. If your clothes don't spark joy, you need to get rid of it. Well, if anything in your house doesn't spark joy, she's like, out the door, get rid of it. Yeah.

So, yeah, that's when you've been condoed or you're condoing. Another is hinching. Hinching. Okay. Hinching. Darren Hinch? No. Is that that guy's name?

That's the only person I can think of with a hinch that's on television. Hinch. No, it is named after someone, but it's not that. Okay. I'm out. I'm out.

So it's sprucing up their dates and relationships. So this is another cleaning guru. Mrs. Hinch is her name. So basically, hinching is when you are like sprucing up and tidying up your relationship, I guess. So instead of getting rid of them, it's like making it better.

So you work at a relationship. Yeah. Rather than just chuck it away. Whereas old Marie Kondo, she's like she's on to her next one. Gone. No joy. Gone. That's not great though, is it? Like when you think about it, you shouldn't just like condo a relationship. You should hinge it.

You should give it a light hinging before realising it needs a condoing. Yeah. You gotta work at it. Like obviously. Work at it. Yeah. And then if it's not needs a condoing. Yeah. You've got to work at it. Work at it, yeah. And then if it's not working, condo. Boom. Next. But hinching is I mean it's given a term

now but it's something that like all females do and like to do when they get a guy. Like he's a do-er-upper. Right. Just change him a little bit. If we're thinking of other TV shows that need dating terms, there should be like a thrones-ing. What's that?

You cut their head off. They get stabbed. Like Game of Thrones, like it's all going really well, but then you're just like, no, they're gone. And you kiss your sister. You can. That's not a compulsory act. Okay.

Yeah, everything's going really well. You're like, I really like this person Yeah And then you just Leave them for no real reason Right Other than you're George RR Martin

And you like to see People's hearts melt Yeah What about Brexiting You could like Well you say you're leaving Say you're leaving

Three to leave And then You sit down And argue with yourself For like eight years About it And then Renegotiate a deal Yeah And stay Three to leave and then You sit down and argue with yourself for like eight years about it And then renegotiate a deal Yeah

And stay And then you kind of like And then you renegotiate and you're like No, we're staying Oh, now I don't know Maybe I'll leave Keep them on their toes I'm kind of 48-52 about it

It's Oh, yeah I'll get back to you anyway. And then you just start looking really tired and exhausted and you're like, that's it, I quit. I'm going to quit if I don't get my way. Yeah. Wasn't your way that you wanted to quit?

Look, I don't know it. I don't understand Brexit. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Well, it's Fijoa season. I say Fijoa. You say Fijoa because there's no other way to say it. And if you say Fijoa, then we can't be friends anymore. Well, yeah, that's how Megan says it.

No, it's not. You're getting condoed, Megan. No, Fijoa is just the other way people say it. Fijoa. I say Fijoa. Yeah. How does Caitlin say it? Caitlin's Fijoa.

She's not here. Oh, she's running away with shame. She's in the toilet. Fajaja. So it's Fijawa season. It's sprouting up. So we've moved since last Fijawa season. We didn't have a Fijawa tree.

Now. Yes, she is. How do you say Fijawa? Fijawa. No. No. What? That's how.

Fijawa. Fijawa. It's a Fijawa. Fijawa. No. Fijawa. Fijawa. I'm literally saying what you're saying. No. What? That's how... Feijoa. It's a Feijoa. Feijoa. No, Feijoa. I'm literally saying what you're saying. No, say Fiona. Fiona.

Now say Joa. Feijoa. No, don't say Feijoa. Say Fiona. Fiona. Now say Joa. Joa. Now say Feijoa.

Feijoa. There you go. No, you still say that. Feijoa. Feijoa. But better. You get in there. Work on that. Oh, you still say that. Fijawa. Fijawa. But better. You get in there. Work on that.

Oh, hey, Megan, say tarantula. Oh, okay. But Fijawas are like everyday foods. Some are tarantulas. And some parts of the world. That's stupid. They eat Fijawas and tarantulas. What a combo that would be.

So we've got Fijawa trees now, but only one. We've got like four Fijara trees, but only one's got Fijaras on it. So I don't know what's happened there. I'll need to consult my local orchard people. Orchard people. Orchardists. Work out what they're called first. G'day, g'day, man.

I've got a bit of a question about Fijara trees. Yeah, go ahead. I'll hear you out. Yeah, go away. Three of them aren't doing anything. Maybe they're not Fijara trees. Maybe they're not. They're not exactly like Fijara trees. Yeah, go ahead. I'll hear you out. Yeah, good. Three of them aren't doing anything. Maybe they're not Fijia trees. Maybe they're not. They look exactly like Fijia trees, though.

Right. Anyway, one of them's got Fijia on it. Yeah. So I pick, well, no, you know, you're supposed to wait until they drop, eh, Fijias? Are they the ones you, what are you, because that's when they're ready. No, you wait for them to drop.

Yeah, you do a daily collection. Yeah. You don't let them sit. You don't run into them in the lawnmower once they've gone a bit pooey because they just go and they stink.

So I found a couple on the ground and I picked them up and I put them in my pocket and then I went to check on the goats. As you may remember, I've spent a week

electrifying fences and stuff to keep the goats in and I took them a selection of like crackers and stuff yesterday afternoon to see what they'd be into. The best part was goats in. And I took them a selection of like crackers and stuff yesterday afternoon to see what they'd be into. Best part was, wait, crackers?

You took them like a... Oh, like old food. I take them like stale... You put them like a cheese board. Crackers, no cheese. What are you into? And, or Harold turned his nose up at the crackers. Snob.

Snob. Well, what crackers were they? Helen ate, that's the thing, this is the funny part, is they were quite peppery. And so Helen eats the crackers and then she's a bit like. Oh, it's too hot for her. You know when your mum eats something spicy and she's like.

What's that? Hot. That's hot, but it's just a little bit of pepper. The goat was like. So that was funny in itself. And then Harold was kind of like, I'm not really into the cracker. And he was sniffing my pocket. And I pulled out this little feed jar.

And I was like, do you want this, mate? And it's weird how friendly, like. Yeah, you're talking to like your pals. My best friends. Outside of my family, the goats are becoming my best friends. I'm like, did you want this, mate? And he sniffed it. He's like.

Very inquisitive sniff. That sounded inquisitive, right? It wasn't like a it was like a and he kind of indicates, I'll have some. So he opens his mouth a little bit as goats do. I'm like, you need to open it wider than that. You're never going to get the whole feed jar in and I'm not breaking it up for you. So he opens his

mouth, he gets the feed jar in and he goes like this. Ehhh! What does that mean? Let's have this blood curdling goat scream. Like the screaming goats on the internet. And I'm like, ah! But it was him just

saying, I loved it. Are you sure? He loved it He was stoked He started nuzzling around my other pocket Yeah So I gave him the other feed jar And he was just like

He just It must be his sign of true Like appreciation of food He loved it Did Helen get any? No, no, no. I'll take her back a Fiji today. Maybe I'll rip one in half. Because I don't want them getting the taste for

Fijis because then they're going to know that they're somewhere and they're going to go searching for them beneath the tree. Well, they can eat the three trees that aren't fruiting. They can nibble on them. But yeah. The more I talk about the goats, the more I realise my life's getting sad and lonely and I'm isolating myself as a crazy goat man.

Yeah, are you listening to yourself now? Like yesterday, Sade said, I'm taking the kids to swimming. What are you doing out there? I was like... She's like, you've thought for too long. You're just talking to the goats, aren't you? I was like, yep.

Because I couldn't come up with a decent lie that didn't involve the goats. I'm just standing in a paddock. You're talking to the goats, aren't you? Yep. I'm padding them. I've eaten a half a box of Weet-Bix. I brought them out some crackers.

I'm feeding them feed jars. They're eating better than some people. I gave them the end of the Vogel's life. Yeah. Studies come out of the UK, which looked at siblings. So families with more than obviously one child. And the results have revealed that the youngest sibling.

That's me. That's you. Any producer, you. Anya's the youngest. James, you're the youngest. Caitlin, you are the middle. I'm also the middle. And I'm the oldest. Well, the results

have revealed that the youngest child are more likely to think that they're funnier. They think they're funnier. Not that they are funnier. Than the other siblings? Yes. Oh, I'm're funnier. Not that they are funnier. Than the other siblings? Yes.

Oh, I'm way funnier than my brother. No one's arguing that. Yeah, I have to say, I think my only thing that I've got over Sophie is the funniness. Well, she's a doctor. It's sad, aren't you? Yeah. It's almost like sad, but funny. It's like sad. It's just like a black funny. It's like sad. It's just like a black comedy.

It's like when you're like, that's funny, but it's not funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. James, would you say you're the funnier? Yeah, I'd say so. That's who you are. I was so good. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'd say so.

So good. Yeah. Yeah, I'd say so. So low-key. Taylor's definitely funnier than Taylor, my brother. Oh, no way. Big T is a hoot on the gram. No, he's silly. His content is always a hoot. Often B-related. You two are both classic middles.

Like, just talk a lot. And, like, wave, like, look at me, look at me. No, I've got good, I'm witty. I'm like, I'm quick. Hey! I'm witty. I am witty. Taser Merritt, by the way.

Can I give him a plug? Oh, you've done this like six times. T-A-Y-Z-A. Merit. One R, two Ts. Is this guy single at the moment? He is. What's his latest? Could be some hot honeys? I think so.

Oh, he's been a while off. He hasn't posted anything, but in his last post he's got a scooter. Yeah. He's tripping around. God, he's got some... He's got some topless. He's a good looking dude. He's a good looking guy, Karen.

Look, I'm funnier. He's topless playing with bees. And more attractive. He's a man who likes, Karen. Look, I'm funnier. He's top-list playing with bees. And more attractive. He's a man who likes to live dangerously. Okay. Let's not turn this into a break about my brother. What about me? Well, no, yesterday.

Exactly. Yesterday, Fletcher's brother was the star of the show. Well, he's a meme now. These are those that have just, you know, didn't miss. Spread around the brothers. Yeah. Apparently, also, the study found with siblings.

I just got five followers. Big T's going to wake up and he's going to be like, what the heck's going on? He's already out with the bees. He'll be listening. I thought it would have been, the bees would have been chilling out this time of year. Are they still quite active?

No, they're still quite active. We've got honeycomb to produce. That's true. It's been a warm autumn. Getting a little bit of beach out there. Riveting beach out there. It interests me. God, it's very interesting.

The study also found that there's a burden of responsibility on firstborns. That's you. 54% of firstborns feel they're responsible. They love being all about that. I had to pave the way. I had to prove responsibility. We had to go out late night and prove that we're okay.

Nonsense. No, that's just not true. My brother didn't, no. My brother's not responsible. I don't think he looked after me. He beat me up. Oh, yeah, they don't look after you. No. My brother's not responsible. I don't think he looked after me. He beat me up. Oh, yeah, they don't look after you. No.

Paul also found that older siblings are more organised than their younger siblings. Older siblings. I'll give you that. No. I'll give them that. Well, yeah, because you're an absolute mess of organisation. Everyone's more organised than you.

Yeah, that's fair. What are the middle child Bringing to this? Oh no nothing They're just annoying And attention seeking Look at me Look at me What do we bring?

Light Joy Parental Pride They're always very proud The middle child Yeah A range of things

Are they? That you Oldies and youngies Wouldn't understand. Right. It's a vintage situation. Welcome one, welcome all to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, brought to you by Spark.

Get four gigs of bonus data on Spark's $49 prepaid value pack. Now, on with the podcast. Adele's father, he didn't have a lot to do with her upbringing. Now, he spoke publicly about their relationship in 2011 and that obviously upset Adele. She said, he'll never hear from me again. But he's been tracked down recently. He is a delivery driver for a company, Yodel.

They've said he's scraping by on a £50 a day paycheck. That's $100. I remember reading that article. He had nothing really much to do with her growing up, hardly any contact. And then he did an interview and talked about how what she could. Their private lives. Yeah, and how she couldn't form relationships and stuff.

And she was like, well, what do you know, mate? You've never been there. You've had nothing to do with me. So they tracked him down. Mark is his name.. You've had nothing to do with me. So they've tracked him down. Mark is his name and he still has not heard from Adele. They still don't talk. So he had a bit of a tell-all in 2011, right?

And she was like, I haven't seen him for years. So I don't know why he's telling all. He left when I was three and so I don't think there's much to a tell-all that he can actually tell you. Yeah. And she's stuck by the fact

that she said he'll never hear from me again. Still haven't spoken. Good on her. Completely written him off. Stubborn. Yeah. And she's stuck by the fact that she said he'll never hear from me again. Good. Still haven't spoken. Good on her. Completely written him off. Stubborn. Yeah. Yeah, but if he's going to do that. Oh yeah, no,

I'm on Adele's side on this one. That's some serious long running family issue. But we were wondering this morning the weirdest reason that you don't talk to a member of your family. Like,

maybe it was over a cracker pool at Christmas christmas and they got and they got the cool they got in the cracker yeah and even though it was your cracker they won the pool so they kept the cool thing that should have been yours but you hear about like um people that have affairs with partners oh yeah and you know like someone might sleep with the sister might sleep with the boyfriend yeah that could be problematic. Or the dad. I could see the issue there.

Yeah. Or the dad does, or the mum does. And so that's why people aren't talking to mum or dad. Yeah. I mean, those are juicy stories. And then that could start off as something small that escalates and escalates and then has time to ferment and rot even more

when you don't just deal with it at the time. So it could be some weird little small reason that you're not talking to a member of your family. I haven't spoken to my brother since the meme incident over the weekend. I don't think that's enough to disown a brother. People probably disown for less. Probably. Probably. So, 0800-DOLL-ZM

or you can text 9696. The weirdest reason you're not talking to a member of your family. Alright, give us a call. We want to know the weird reasons you're not talking to your family

anymore. Oh, this is so good. It's great. Like, I wonder if this will help people because we've asked for weird reasons you're not talking to your family anymore. Oh, this is so good. It's great. Like, I wonder if this will help people because we've asked for weird reasons and they're admitting that the reasons are really weird so they might think maybe it's time we put this to bed in. No, because then you have to

be the one that goes forward and is like, hey, and no one wants to be the loser. The first person. Because you're the loser, you've given in. Yeah. But there are some stubborn people. Yeah. Stubborn. My daughter won't speak to me and hasn't spoken to me for six months

because I won't buy her a horse. How old is she that she can go without speaking? So she's in her 20s, right? Because you're not seeing her every day. But then if she's in her 20s, buy her own horse. Buy your own horse. Yeah. If she's like eight

and she hasn't spoken to you for six months and she's in your house, you need to start cutting her out of things like food and power and water. And she'll be speaking again in no time.

Somebody said, I was a Jehovah's Witness, but now I'm not. So no one's allowed to talk to me. That's the old excommunicata. But then you just get new friends,

don't you? What do you mean? If you're excommunicated, you'd have to get new friends. you just get new friends, don't you? What do you mean? If you excommunicate, you'd have to get new friends. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You just get new pals. Drinking friends. Yeah. Sexy friends.

Swearing friends. You just like stand in a circle and you're like, you know what? Bugger you, you bumhole. This is good. Yes, I am free. I'm living. We'll take some calls. Natalie, you're not speaking

To a family member Hey guys I'm not speaking To my mum at the moment Because she decided To fall in love With the neighbour At our family home

Oh Oh no What what While Oh no While still with your dad No they're getting A divorce at the moment.

So I'm supporting my dad and we're not speaking to our mum because of her actions. Is the neighbour the cause of the divorce? Yeah, so he decided to play being my dad's best friend and then that's how him and my mum got together and now she lives at the neighbour's house. Oh my, that is so awkward. You're going really high on a moving truck if it's just this story. You'd probably have to carry everything.

I know. We just chuck shit over the bed. Oh, sorry. Mom, get ready for your bed. Oof. I was just reading a story. I was reading a story this morning about how giant fences aren't helping, you know, communities. Like people are building giant fences in their backyard,

but you probably need a big giant fence. Yeah, Dad spent 10 grand on a big fence so he didn't have to look at the neighbour. Oh, my God. Already done. Wow. God, that sounds like a good fence though, doesn't it? It does.

I want to see this fence now. Natalie, thanks for your call. Hopefully that gets better, that situation. Yeah. Yeah, well, Dad's happy now. Happy without her. Okay. Yeah, okay, Dad's happy now, happy without her. Okay. Yeah, okay.

Good to hear. Thank you, Natalie. Josh, who in your family do you not speak to anymore? Yeah, my grandma. When I was about four, it was my birthday, she went and put some chocolate in the mailbox and sent up to him. And I was at her place and I thought, bugger this, I'm going to shoot out there and grab that.

So I got out there and ate the chocolate. Well, yeah, it's about the end of that. Wait, when you were a kid, you ate somebody else's chocolate that Nana tried to post and that was it? Yep. She cut you out. She's like, you were no grandson of mine. How many years has it been? Oh, I'm 24 now, so about 20 years.

Oh, mate. That's a lifelong grudge for a four-year-old. But it's your grandma. She's supposed to always make sure you've got a treat in each hand. Well, yeah, you'd think so. It's quite good, though. She just drives me nuts now. Well, I had an old lady 50 years, a couple of months ago,

and I think I spoke about six words to her at that. And that was as far as that went, so it was pretty good. Wow. All because of some chocolate. That's what kids do. They eat chocolate. You can't put chocolates in a box. I could not eat it.

Josh, thanks for your call, mate. Bye. Anonymous 1, who don't you talk to in your family anymore? We don't talk to my husband's mum, number one, and we also don't talk to my husband's sister. They're not weird reasons. I'm pretty sure they're valid reasons. So, number one, we don't talk to her.

This is actually quite therapeutic, you know, first thing on a Tuesday morning. We don't talk to my husband's mum because she asked us to pay her child support bill to get into the country. She lives in Australia.

Can't get into the country because she has a massive child support bill and she asked us to pay for it so she can attend our wedding. This is a day

before the wedding. A day before? But if she's got child support, your husband is her child. Exactly. So can you pay your own child support?

You could just take care of your own child support. That would be really great. Yeah. And then not only that, we got pregnant a few months after that. And then she also announced on Facebook when I was six weeks pregnant that we weren't expecting. Oh, no, you don't do that. She told most of the family.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, you don't do that. She told most of the family. Oh. Yeah. So we don't talk to her. We don't talk to her. You're right. Those are valid reasons. All right. Hey, thanks.

You call anonymous. Anonymous 2, who aren't you talking to? I'm not talking to my mother and haven't spoken to her since the Christmas before last. So Christmas 2017. Yes. Why? What did mum do? It was the first Christmas where she was going to have all four of her daughters together

for the first time in 17 years and all grandchildren together for the first time ever. And she proceeded to get so drunk she could barely walk and decided to give my husband to be a lap dance in front of everyone. Oh, wow. This sounds like something Megan's mum would do to be a lap dance in front of everyone. Oh, wow. This sounds like something Megan's mum would do to miss a toy boy. Yeah, to me. I just got excited. She wouldn't even have to have drinks, but yeah.

Yeah. So she then admitted that she had not had anything to drink whatsoever and that it was all a figment of our imagination. Oh, right. Okay. But I mean, can you not forgive her? She is your mum. No.

No, not for that. It must have been a sexy, grindy lap dance. What did your husband think? What did your husband think? He looked a look of pure terror at his face. His brother-in-law was grinding up against him. Oh, my God. Okay. Yeah. So, wait. His mother-in-law was grinding up against him Oh my god Yeah

I think everybody with a mother-in-law Is just like But you said husband to be So were you not married at this point? No So did she get to come to the wedding? Oh no she refused to because Everybody was really unimpressed with her behaviour

And told her so And then it was I won't be spoken to like that so I can't come to a wedding. Oh my god. Yeah, yeah, it didn't factor in that she grinded up against her son-in-law to be. Just to clarify, you're not the Prime Minister, right? Because three people have messaged in

saying this woman sounds so much like Jacinda Ardern. No, no, definitely not. No, no, definitely not. Even that, you know. No, no, no. This is not the Prime Minister calling in for a weekly segment talking about her mum lap dancing on Clark. No.

That's not what this is. Yeah, so. Tell you what, you work on it, though. You can do a good Prime Minister impression there. Oh, so. Happy family. You work on it, though. You can do a good Prime Minister impression there. Oh, good. You do sound like it. Yeah, well. Okay.

All right, Anonymous. Thank you. Anonymous. Wank Wink. See you later, Prime Minister. All right. Good work in China. Good work in China.

How is the China trip going? Oh, it's great. She's back, isn't she? Is she back already? Yeah, she's talking to us on the phone. Obviously. Good morning, Luke. How are you?

Good. Good. Yourself? Good. Very good. All right. So actually, I'm just wondering, have we ever had a guy on before for How Do You Know?

Yes. I think we've had one or two. Have we? Yeah, definitely a minority. Okay, all right. I was just thinking maybe this could be a world first. No. Okay, well, Luke, we're going to see if anybody listening knows you now. So if you're listening and already you think,

I know this guy, I know this Luke. Or Loki. 0800 dial ZM as soon as you think you know them. Because we want to see if people listening now know Luke. Now Luke, we need to know a bit about you first. Yeah, what do you want to know? Whereabouts are you from? I'm from Christchurch.

Luke from Christchurch. The classic Christchurch question, what school did you go to? I went to Lincoln High. Lincoln High. Okay. And how old are you, Luke? 19. So, what, you're a couple of years out of school or?

Yeah, no, I left school a couple of years ago. Working now. Okay. Oh, working. What do you do for work? Plumbing. Plumbing. Are you putting on a blokey voice to talk to you?

Oh, yeah, mate. What do you do for work? You are. You are. You are. You are. Mate. Mate. You are.

Nah, mate. This is not what you were like, get on, mate. Get on, mate. But now because Luke's on the phone, you're like, get on, mate. You're doing all like men. Plumber. You're a plumber. You are.

You're doing that thing. You do it when you go to mine to tend as well, I've noticed. I know I do. So no longer would I walk in and be like, oh, hey. Just trying to be real blokey in front of you luke so like okay so who who do you do plumbing for universal plumbing okay all right and uh that's a big that's a big area to plumb yeah that's a good joke that one um what about do any extra, like, extracurricular activities, like any hobbies or sports?

Oh, yeah, football. Football? Football, so that's the round ball football. Yeah, round ball, yeah. Soccer. Sorry, I don't like to call it soccer, but just to confirm. Who do you play round ball football for? Hallswell.

Hallswell? Okay. Hallswell, all right, okay. James, do you know Luke? James, do you know Luke James do you know I don't know if I know Luke maybe

little feeling you might yeah maybe just a kindred spirit maybe it's just that Christchurch thing yeah yeah lads you're sort of drawn to it

yeah I don't know yeah yeah no not at the moment not at the moment okay alright I feel like we need some more questions what else

apart from football. I can't. No, not actually a lot that people would know me from, to be fair. Right. What were you going to say, Megan? Go on. Do you have a girlfriend? No, I don't.

Not at the moment. Or a boyfriend or any kind of partner. Any sort of person you like to kiss. Now, so we've got somebody who's called up that thinks they know you, Luke. Good morning. Who's this? It's Phil here. Phil, how do you know Luke?

Oh, this is his neighbour. Oh, Phil. How are you? Hi, buddy. And I know his old man, so he can't hide in Christchurch. What kind of neighbour was he, Phil? Was he a larrikin? Well, he actually used to work for me painting fences.

So there you go. Now he's a plumber with his old man. He's a good man. Oh, he's a good boy. Oh, that's lovely. That's a ringing endorsement, Luke. I was going to say, because usually, like, neighbours have lots of complaints

about the teenage boys next door, don't they? Well, yeah, he does still like crepe, though. He's only a bloody lad, mate. He's only a bloody lad. I think that means we can... That's how you know that it's really Lukey. That's how you know that it's really him. All right, okay, so Luke.

Yeah. That's a 100% success rate. That's a 100% success rate, but I think that's, I think we've... Didn't we ask Luke enough questions? I forget what we need to ask. What colour hair do you have, Luke? Oh, I'm a ringer. Oh, okay. You said that?

It's not very nice. That's good that you are comfortable enough to just say wrangler rather than good hair. Yeah, no, it's all right. Kurt, what have you got planned for the day? Are there lots of things that need to be plumbed? Oh, there are quite a bit, yeah. Hey, I've got a plan for the day. Are there lots of things that need to be plumbed? Oh, there are quite a bit, yeah. Hey, I've got a question for you.

Some guy was mowing this bit of grass at my place and he's run over a pipe. Where can I get a new top for the pipe? You mean you were mowing? No, some other guy was mowing, but it was my fault because I told him there was nothing in the paddock because I didn't know there was. Where do you get a new top bit?

Well, you know what you should do? Just call Universal Plumbing and we'll sort it for you. That's great. You've got to plug in. You've got to plug in. I like it. All right, well, I think we'll let you see a 100% success rate. Yep, for Luke.

One for one for Luke. But how do you know? Thanks, Luke. Have a great day, mate. Oh, cheers. All right. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast.

ZM. Caitlin, producer Caitlin, has this morning faced a barrage of accusations. You stand accused. We need a gavel. I've got my Makona jar. Okay. Not that hard. Oh, jeez.

You'll blow the... Oh, look, the thing fell off the microphone. I've slightly dented the desk. Yeah, I was going to say, you've gone way too hard. Slightly dented the desk. The whole thing shook. I think they, in the courtroom, they have a wooden thing they bang. Yeah, like on the stand.

Yeah, well, for next time we know. Okay. You stand accused, Caitlin. Megan, we cross to witness and lead prosecutor. I went to a social event last night where there was quite a few people. People. There were people and I spoke to them. Oh, was that horrible?

Yeah. An essential aspect of a social event is people. No, I managed to just hang out with people that I just wanted to speak to. Okay. Find a little safe group. In the corner. Yeah. And am I naming the accuser?

Name the accuser, yes, for the record, for the court's records. Friend of the show, Maddie Budd, saw her last night and she actually asked how Caitlin was. She inquired as to Caitlin's wellbeing because... Rewind, six months semi inseparable, weren't they?

They were always socialising together, always ramming a bougie brunch. And now, because we're friends well, yeah, Maddie asked me how Caitlin's doing because she's a boyfriend now.

She no longer gets to see you. Okay. So, Caitlin, you stand accused this morning of becoming one of those people who's all about their friends until they get a boyfriend just like Megan did. You did, you did. You did do that, remember? Whereas I have stayed true to not liking people through both single names and coupled.

And now that I have children, the one common feature has been I don't like people. I'm going to try not get angry right now. Oh, okay. Well, that's good for the court of law because if you lose your temper, the jury won't take you seriously. Your neck is wiggling though.

I'm very mad. This, okay. I am exhausted. Because. Oh wow. She's bleeding insanity. Because I am forever trying to prove that I'm not the girl with the boyfriend. I haven't even seen my boyfriend since like Friday or Saturday.

I didn't see him last night. I was playing Nebel with my other friends. I'm trying to keep up with everyone and please everyone until I never see him. And then he's like, what about me? What about me? What about me? What about me? I think I have too many friends.

Yeah. You're spreading yourself too thin. I'm spreading myself too thin. But you've gone from a friend that was, you were inseparable, and you'd see each other three times a week. This is, but... For bougie brunches. It's not bougie.

I want to say, Maddie, that it works both ways. Oh, she's not listening. She's too cool for the show. She's too cool. 100%. She won't hear about it In my defence

Thank you to Kelly Who just messaged me I try to incorporate Friends with my boyfriend So I bring him to events Where he can Hang out with my friends While I hang out with them

I just haven't Happened to be In the same vicinity As Maddie With my boyfriend Also you don't want to Introduce your boyfriend To your like

Cooler friends Because then he might Just be like I'll have one of them instead as Maddie, with my boyfriend. Also, you don't want to introduce your boyfriend to your, like, cooler friends. Because then he might just be like, I'll have one of them instead. Fun! But also, yes, if you say Maddie, she's gorgeous. That's why I haven't introduced you, okay? Just, I don't know why you're getting so wild up about it. I never, Megan, I never wanted to be that girl.

My whole life. I'm not Fletch. Who cares? I'm exhausted from being everyone's girl. You've got to understand that when you find, like, a partner, then you're like, they're really cool. Then you want to, like, just hang out with them. Yeah, I know.

They are your best friend. They are your best friend. You still see other people. Maybe you shouldn't feel bad. I don't feel bad. Somebody's messaged in a very good point, friendships are two-way street. Has she been in touch with you of late? That's what I was just trying to say.

And yes, we messaged each other. I don't think you said that at all. Vaughan's done that classic thing where he just didn't listen to what you said. I said that. I said it works both ways. But she said she didn't listen to what you said I said that I said it works it works both ways but she said she's been trying to contact you

no well yeah but I've been oh so this has been a two way street look wait this is what you do when you're friends with people

you're like let's catch up and then you're like yeah let's catch up oh my god that's my that's what I do every single day but I actually got that we should catch up

and like they look in my eyes and I lie to them I go yeah that'd be great I'm lying to them if you ever say to me we should catch up. And they look in my eyes and I lie to them. I go, yeah, that'd be great. I'm lying to them. If you ever say to me, we should catch up, and I look at you in the eye and I do this slight nod and maybe even intertwine my fingers and I go, oh, yeah, that'd be great.

I am lying to you. I have no interest in seeing you. Apart from in these awkward situations where we're forced to interact. Yeah, yeah. Or come over and see your new house. I'm like, yeah, that'd be good. It's not. I don't want you there. As if you do that high pitch. Yeah, that'd be great. I moved to the country so I don't

have to see you. But I actually like seeing people. I just don't have enough time. Do you know there's only 24 hours in the day? It's not enough time to see Very familiar with the fact. Very familiar with the fact. Very familiar with the fact. I'm just going to stop eating and sleeping and then I can see everyone.

Well, no, you eat when you see people. I know. You see them and you eat. There's two birds with one stone. And then don't even get me started on I've got no money. Having a boyfriend's really stressful. Are you saying it's too expensive to have a boyfriend? Yeah, because then I've got to see my friends as well.

Well, but why is your boyfriend incurring an expense? Because we've got to go out on cute dates because we haven't eaten at lots of places together yet. Why don't you just do homemade casserole? No, don't you just get Uber Eats? Yeah, we just get Uber Eats, but he doesn't like getting Uber Eats because he likes to look the person in the face when he orders.

It's very complicated. He's a good man. Does he go into the kitchen? He goes, where's the chef? Eyeballs him. He's like, get out, mate. Steak. Medium rare.

I have to pull him away because he talks for too long. And I'm like, they've got a job to do. I'm like, you'll get the hot sauce. Sorry. Oh, my gosh. I really do like him still. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is as of the end of 2015.

Now, I understand this is a little while ago, I have tried to find more up-to-date results, but thus far it's proving fruitless. Okay. What, you spent 10 seconds looking? Yeah. If you can't find the fruit in 10 seconds, it's too hard to fruit. There's no fruit.

If you look for something and it's not there, it either doesn't exist anymore or you yell out, whereabouts is that? Do you know what? Quick side note. Okay. Sade went away at the weekend. She took the girls.

I was at home alone by myself. Yeah. And I'm notoriously bad at feeding myself. I'll just kind of forget or like do weird things like heat up an entire bag of cold mashed potato stuff and like eat that. I just eat till I'm full, basically. It's because I don't have to worry about anybody else. I'm just like, eh, I'll just do whatever.

Now, I thought to myself, I'm going to have some delicious rice and tuna. Okay. Delicious. And there's this, Sade buys these bowls of rice that are like ready to go. You just heat them up. Oh, yeah. Now, she, I never eat them. Yeah.

So she went away at the weekend and I found one of these bowls of rice. First of all, I messaged her saying, do we have any of that rice? She's literally 200 k's away. I'm like, do we have any of that rice? She's like, look in the cupboard. So I searched high and low and I found some. But she'd thrown away the box. So there was no microwavable.

There was no instructions on how long it should be in the pot. I don't know. I've never done it before. It could be four minutes. It could be 90 seconds. It could be 45 seconds. You can gauge how long it would take to heat up a pot of rice. No, because I go rice old style in the pot.

So I message her and I say, Ella, you've thrown away the instructions. How do I know what to do with this? Oh, my God. And she said 45 seconds. I know, exactly. She said you could have Googled it. I was like, I don't even know what brand this is. You've literally thrown away any sign of packaging.

I wouldn't have known where to start. And then such a varying result. Would it all be the same size pottle? It's like a cup. I don't believe so. Some might be more cooked, pre-cooked than that. And she said, you're making yourself seem useless. I was like, well, no, you've thrown away the package.

Yeah. It's like if you're making a stir fry, something ditches the package right off. I'd be like, what? Yeah. It's got to hang around. That's got to be the last thing you get rid of if it's got the instructions on it.

What was the point of the story? That I'm not useless, but I'm not very good at looking. I also don't know how to heat up rice. But then I got an Uncle Ben's. Last night for dinner, I was in charge of dinner, and I cooked the whole meal situation, so I'm not useless. I can cook, but I just get lazy when I'm by myself.

And that was like two minutes, and even then I feel that was undercooked. Was it a big pouch? The big pouch is a two minutes. It was a bigger feel like it was undercooked. Was it a big pouch? Yeah, the big pouch is a two minutes. It was a bigger pouch, but I don't know. I didn't weigh it compared to the bowl. What I'm saying is don't throw away the packaging and then say someone's useless because they don't know how to heat rice.

It's such a very big thing. If you're going to cook it in a pot, it's like 20 minutes. Yeah, I know. Okay. All of this could have been avoided if we'd used our flyby's points to buy the rice cooker like I wanted. It's so cute that you can delete your flybys. How often?

How often are we going to use it? That was what was said. I was like, I think we'll use it. So, you know, when this whole situation was happening on Saturday with the rice thing, you know, I said this could have all been avoided if you bought the rice cooker. Anyway, it was pretty good that we had a cooling off period before she arrived home the next day. Anyway, so I can't remember what we were.

Oh, that's right. I looked for further more up-to-date results and I couldn't find it. But today's fact of the day is, as of the end of 2015, airplanes had hit more turtles than they had drones. What? From January 1993 to July 2015,

aircraft reported the number of collisions of airplane versus turtle at 200. And on the ground, though. Like, the runways are next to the beaches. This is the most annoying part. I can't find where. Oh, no. It's got to be, like, beach. It would be runways next to beaches and islands.

Yeah. Anywhere swampy, a turtle would go on and they'd maybe be. It'd be like running over a bike helmet. But yeah, coming into land, a turtle could be quite a dangerous thing to hit. Well, it'd be dangerous if it got sucked into the engines. But even the wheel, if you were doing a touchdown and you were like... It'd be too heavy. Would you blow a turtle to pieces?

I reckon you'd smash it to smithereens. I didn't mean to laugh. I just laughed at you using the word smithereens. Smithereens, yeah. I knew you'd appreciate that word. Turtles. Interesting. Yeah.

Small birds, significantly more prone to a strike than a drone. But that may have changed since. And I'm not saying it's okay to fly drones. You follow the rules. Because I see all these people putting up drone videos now and I'm like, have they checked airspace to make sure this is a drone friendly? As a responsible drone owner, a drone daddy, a safe and responsible drone daddy,

I just don't want them all banned because of someone doing something silly. Some foolish idiots. That's right. So today's fact of the day is don't throw away how to heat the rice, the instructions on that box, until all the rice has been heated and eaten. And as of 2015, more turtles had been hit by airplanes than drones. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. I Have Never, our segment where we're giving people their very firsts.

Their firsts. In one specific area that they have let us know they have yet to do at their age. I've never eaten fried chicken. That one to me was a weird one. I love fried chicken so much. I just love chicken. And everyone goes on about it. You'd think that there'd be a curiosity to try that, but

no. And they're everywhere, aren't they? Fried chicken outlets and chickens. If you wanted to fry your own. Hey, but you know, that's just life, isn't they? Fried chicken outlets and chickens. And chickens. If you wanted to fry your own. Yeah. Hey, but you know, that's just life, isn't it? We've had a lot of entries for this competition. You can register at ZM Online. Joining us, Rochelle.

Good morning, Rochelle. Oh, press your button. Good morning, Rochelle. Good morning. Sorry about that. It's just one of those Tuesday mornings, isn't it? Oh, it is. Rochelle, you have never what?

I have never ever been on a plane. Any kind of plane. Any form of airborne transport you've never been? No, I've actually never even left the North Island. I think we were lucky as children because my mum's parents lived in Nelson and they saw school holidays as a great time not to have two shithead kids running around. So they'd ship you off. And so they would ship us off and they would fly us there.

And it was great. I used to love it because I love flying. So, you know, got to experience that from a young age. But it's not unusual that people haven't been on planes at your age, Rochelle. Oh, that's good. Was it for fear of flying or you've just never done it? No, I've just never done it. I just never got the chance.

Okay, so whereabouts do you live? I'm in Tauranga. In Tauranga. See, if you were coming to Auckland, like, you'd just drive, wouldn't you? Yeah, probably. But if you lived in Christchurch and you wanted to go to a show or in the South Island, you'd fly, wouldn't you? Yeah, probably. Yeah, yeah. But if you lived in Christchurch and you wanted to go to a show or in the South Island You'd fly.

You'd fly, wouldn't you? So, you know, it makes sense. Yeah, definitely. Okay. Well. Yeah, I'm too poor for anything. You can see where this is going, Rochelle. In fact, with this competition

we flew someone to the South Island who'd never been to the South Island. Yeah. Oh, hell. But this time, Rochelle, for I have never, we are going to take you in a plane.

Are you serious? The Tauranga Aero Club, which you can find at flytac.co.nz are going to take you for a flight around the beautiful, picturesque Bay of Plenty this afternoon.

Oh, my God. So your first flight in a plane will be in a four-seater Cessna. Oh, my God. That would be something that a lot of people, even people who have flown, might never have done. That's true. That's amazing. I mean, I don't know if you get this far,

but maybe they'll go over Wine Island. Oh. You can't promise that. I can't. I's amazing. I mean, I don't know if you get this far, but maybe they'll go over Wine Island. Oh. Oh. You can't promise that. I can't promise that. Yeah. I mean, it's in the area, isn't it? They're doing the route.

Yeah, you might as well fly over an active volcano. Oh, God. Well, you're probably not allowed to fly over it, are they? Around it. Yeah, around it. Hey, well, yeah, enjoy that. We're going to get you up this afternoon, Rochelle. Oh, thank you so much.

And we'll give you some recording equipment and hopefully you're not too scared. Oh, God. You'll be fine. You don't have to fly it. You're a very capable hand. You are. Again, so, yeah, thank you to the team there as well.

At the Tauranga Aero Club. They are also looking for new members at any time, and they offer trial flights starting from $110 to help people determine if flying is for you. All you've got to do to apply is just make a really good airplane noise. Just walk up to the reception and go... You're in, Sue. You're in.

Yeah, I think it's a little... A bit more to it. Yeah, a bit more to it than that. That's the first step. I didn't say that's going to get you in applying. Okay. ZM's Fletch, Va. You're in. Yeah, I think it's a little. Bit more to it. Yeah, bit more to it than that. That's the first step. I didn't say that's going to get you in a plane. Okay. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

I'm just going to run. I'm just going to do a little bit of a test. Okay. Because I've been doing this and I've just got the feeling you guys aren't as into it as I am. What are you looking at? The box. I've been distracted by a package. Big box. Who's the box for?

Is it Danny? Is the box for me?, is the box for me? No, it's for Vaughan. But I know you guys have been doing mail run, but I thought that I would do your job for you today. We bring brightness and morale to the office by bringing everybody's packages and mail up. We actually find you more annoying in the office.

No, it's the same in here too. Wow, that's interesting. You try to boost the morale. Yeah. But how's the opposite? You just get shot down like that. Yeah, okay. So while this is another morale booster,

I'm wondering if you guys are even appreciating this because I'm putting a lot of effort into this and I'm not really getting a lot back in our group chat. I'm sending you guys pictures of dead pests. When I like catch a rat. The one yesterday of you zooming in on the maggots was not appreciated. Amazing, because that rat, I don't even know when that died.

But obviously a little while ago there was maggots and then the fly was hanging around like a proud father. See, I'm all for, because, you know, I love our native wildlife. Yes. I spent some time in the bush at the weekend and rats, possums, they've got to go. They've got to go. An old man's bed's got to go. You always give me so much crap for not rep time in the bush at the weekend and rats, possums, they've got to go. They've got to go. An old man's bed's got to go.

You always give me so much crap for not replying in the group chat. But then when I go to the group chat, it's full of like dead possums and dead rats and stuff. That was a good kill. They're a real pest, those are. Well, I was just checking. Although, I do want to say,

if you're going to send it, I need like a finger in there for size comparison. Because that one yesterday looked really big, but I had nothing to compare it, I need a finger in there for a size comparison because that one yesterday looked really big but I had nothing to compare it to. It wasn't that big. Maybe I need to, like in that movie, The Bone Collector with Angelina Jolie. Right.

It's a weird thing that always sticks in my head that if I ever come across a crime scene, you need to put something down for a comparative size. Yeah. Because in that movie, she puts down like a $20 bill, right? Because the train's coming. She's got to take some photos. Right.

Weird. Do you know this movie? No. And somebody, Denzel Washington. Okay. He's a detective, but he's also paralyzed. Right. How does he get to the train tracks?

He doesn't. Okay. She comes to him. She comes to him. Because she took the photo with the comparative size note, he knows how big everything is. Right, okay. But it's got to be something that's...

If you can just put your lip balm or something down beside it. It's got to be universally sized. That's why money's good. Lip balm varies, though. No, lip balm varies, Megan. You can get a big lip balm. You can get a slightly smaller lip balm. No, the little chapstick.

Chapstick. If it was chapstick brand and it said the... But I don't use Chapstick. The grammage on the side. But see, you use your pawpaw, your Dr. Lucas pawpaw. No, I don't use that anymore. You don't use that anymore. Because it's petroleum jelly.

What do you use? But I'm just saying that comes in various size tubs. Yeah, right. Yeah. It's got to be... Okay. A ruler maybe. A Mac lipstick.

A bottle top. A beer bottle top because they're all the same size. Okay. Right, okay. I don't know who universally decided who got together and said, that's the size that a bear lid's going to be. Right. But it is, yeah.

Huh. Who made that decision? I don't know. Well, I don't mind that you're helping nature. Okay, you don't mind it. You're not that on board with it. No, just give us a count. I don't need the pictures.

Okay, you don't need it. But if the pictures are coming, I need a comparative size. Well, I don't want you to think I'm lying. I don't want you to think I'm just bursting my numbers. They're some sort of hero. Nobody thinks you're lying about killing rats. Okay, good. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan.

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