ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - April 09 2018

Episode Date: April 8, 2018

Vaughan almost got caught stalking someone on the show, the top NZ wedding songs and how far did you go to get something for free?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to Spark, get even more data with their prepaid rollover packs. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Thanks, Anya. Alright. Alright. Oh, he's doing this thing where he's depressed after his holiday. Oh, here we go, here we go.

Ah, bit of that. Classic smithy. No, I had to, I know I had to, um... I couldn't afford to do that because my kids were both crying when we had to leave the holiday. And so I had to play this like grown up role of rather than being sad about it being over, let's celebrate that it happened, which is such a load of bullshit. And it really pained me to have to play that perpetually positive person when you have

to, you know, go back to the harsh realities of living. And, but it kind of, you know, when you tell yourself a lie so much, you start to, you know, go back to the harsh realities of living. But it kind of, you know when you tell yourself a lie so much you start to believe the lie? Yeah. I actually got home and I was like, all right, it's time to get organised. And I was like, yeah. What have you become? Who have I become?

You've changed. It was yuck. But no, now I tell you nothing will shake off that positivity like a 3.30am alarm. Did you gym on holiday? No, my God. So, yeah, that would have been 3.30am alarm. Did you gym on holiday? No, my god. So yeah, that would have been a big shock this morning. Are you going to do your MyFitnessPal weigh-in?

I did. And I'll tell you, it wasn't good, but it was worth it. I just blew out on holiday. We had places we stayed, had buffet breakfasts. Oh, how good are those? What's the point? You've paid for it. You've got to indulge. Do they have bacon?

Yep. I am literally full, but I'll tell you what, I'll push down my throat, three more pieces of fruit toast with marmalade on it. So watch the Paddington movie, and it's really reignited my love for marmalade. Okay, so a great holiday for you. A great holiday.

If you haven't seen those Paddington movies, get on to it because they are great films. They're worth it, are they? Great films. Right. Should I love that little beer? What a great guy. Paddington, what up?

All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Three news headlines for three interesting, unusual, quirky, weird news stories that I've found online. Vaughan and Megan, you've got to pick one story. Headline one, woman tells police the wind blew it there. Headline two, workers pay cut for good looks. And headline three, celebrity autograph find. Those are the headlines.

Oh, you've come back strong yeah a lot of time at the airport to find these stories oh yeah what was two workers pay cut for good looks i kind of want to know about the autograph fine hmm those are probably the two best stories Two and three So what are the I just googled it Wind blew cocaine into my handbag Because he can't talk and google at the same time Yeah I was trying to like stall And I was like hey Megan

Here's the ball run with it But you're like what are you doing over there What did you google story number one She said the wind blew the cocaine into her handbag. Into your backyard, maybe, but into your handbag. Into my nose. Just walked into a cloud of it. Autograph.

Autograph. Story three. Please. Please. Okay. I mean, I would have gone two, but fine. That's fine. No, that's fine.

I kind of wanted two, but I was going with Smitty today. Well, we're going for three. And you're not allowed to Google story two. Is that what you're doing? No, I can't remember what it was now. Good. Okay. We go now to Oklahoma.

And a first grader at Latter Elementary School. That's like a five or six year old. Yeah, five or six year old. She was very excited because she got a textbook which is called Look Away or something. It looks like maybe just a book out of the library. Some light reading. Or it looks like, from

the story, it looks like they keep the book for the year and that's their book. So it must be, there must be a textbook kind of feel to the story. Well, she wrote her name in it and scrolled through the names in the front. Sure. Because if it was a small school,

it'll go back many years. Long before, and a lot of schools don't have your typical library set up where you scan a barcode. You just write your name in it. Well, way back in 1982 to 83, Blake Shelton had this exact textbook. Oh my god, that's so cute.

And so this five year old, 40, yeah, this now has this textbook from 1980. 1982. Yeah, 1982. Yeah, so the textbook's from 1980. Wow.

Does his name look like he wrote as a kid? Like, Blake Shelton. Yeah, it does. Oh, that's so cute. Have we had it confirmed that's the actual Blake Shelton? It is, yeah. He said, that's my school. It's the school he went to.

It's a tiny school. That's where he grew up. Her mum posted on her Facebook, she's more embarrassed that she's 40 and that these people are her age. She's like, oh God, I'm old. Oh yeah, that's that these people are her age. She's like, oh god I'm old. Like mums do. That's a shock. She now, a 5-6 year old, has

Blake Sheldon's 5-6 year old autograph and textbook. That was a sweat. I remember back in the day, Kirtay Primary, we only had a tiny library because we only had like 40 students. We used to have a self-checkout policy. Okay.

And you used to have to take the card out. Remember the card? There was a slip in the back and envelope with a card and you had to write your name. And then there was a date stamp and you had to stamp at what date it had to be backed by. Yep. And then you'd leave the card and you'd take the book. That was good stuff. That was a real data entry. It was a real data entry in the 80s and 90s.

It was really good stuff. I really enjoyed that. A lot of cards to go through, though. Absolute nightmare for a librarian. To find it, to put it back in and put it back on the shelf. Well, no, there was, as I said, no librarian. It was a self-service library. Right.

Future many syllables in that one. Library. Yeah, that was good. But now it's all just scan and beep, isn't it? Yeah. Taking a bit of the love out of it's all just scan and beep, isn't it? Yeah. Taking a bit of the love out of it. What do they use those date stamps for anymore? You don't see them?

They're the old cookie wheel. Sometimes they stamp a thing. The bank. Do they still do that? I don't know. Also, I only just thought of this now, but if anyone is still using one of those, I don't think they went this far.

2018. The date stamps? Yeah. Oh, no. Because on the end of it, they always had a year, but it had 19 at the front. I don't think I ever saw in my time

at primary that it went past 20. Because that was like when we were meant to be having hover cars and stuff. Yeah. And now we're here, and I feel really let down. I mean, they probably weren't wrong to limit the date on those timestamps

because they're not used nearly as much now. Technologies. The world. Time. You can still buy those timestamps. We're so insignificant. Can you? Yeah.

What year do they go up to? What year do they go up to now? I don't know. They probably changed it. Go to Warehouse Stationery and find out. I'm going to. Or Wickels. I will.

100%. I'll buy you one if you really want one. Well, I would never have any use changed it. Go to Warehouse Stationery and find out what it calls. I will. 100%. I'll buy you one if you really want one. Well, I would never have any use for it, but sure. I'd love one. You fill out forms and put the date on it. You're right. Just carry it in your pocket. I will have it on my person at any time.

And if it says, what's the date? And then I've got a form, I'll be like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And I'll run to my bag and find my ink well date stamp. Oh, yeah, that's a good looking one. No, no, that's way different because we used to have a stamp pad with that one. It was just a rubbery thing. 1899. It's a self-inking.

See that one on the end? The un-self-inking? Oh, just a stamp as we call it. I bet you've got to get an ink pad. I want an ink pad as well. It's more to carry in your pocket. And I open it and I go, stamp, stamp, stamp, stamp. Do you manually roll the date over?

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Of course you do, Megan. God, it's not the year 2318. We don't have automatic updating date stamps. All right, well, I'm going to spend $20 if it makes you that happy. Whoa, $20. That's a cool one. $18.99, yeah. That's cool. I've always quite liked that self-inking stuff. I'm getting to spend $20 if it makes you that happy. Whoa, $20? That's a cool one. $18.99, yeah.

That's cool. I've always quite liked that self-inking stuff. I'm getting the self. I'll get you one. Yes. Look at that. What color's the ink? Do you get to change it?

Black. Does it come with a separate pad for a different color? Yeah, do you want red? Because sometimes I'll need red. No, don't do red because then it's like overdue. Yeah, yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Black. But then if it's a danger date, I switch out for the red pad.

When are you ever writing down a date that's a danger date? What's a danger date? I don't know. Like from invoicing someone? Which will literally never happen. But I want that option. So yeah, backup pad, couple of ink wells as well.

Okay, right. We'll sort that wells as well. Okay, right. We'll sort that out for you. Now, it's more of something your parents probably do on a trip to Thailand. Buy a t-shirt that they think means one thing, but actually means something completely different. Yeah, right. But a young man has drawn the attention of the internet and his school alike by wearing an inappropriate

adult themed t-shirt to work, to school rather I'll describe this as a McDonald's parody t-shirt using the McDonald's the MeekDonald's McDonald's McDonald's slogan, I'm loving it

and a McDonald's logo lookalike. Now McDonald's, we're all familiar with the arches. Yep. The yellow M. Well, yes, but in this case, the arches, if you imagine I'll begin at the outside of the M. Yep. Those are the lady's

feet and then the upper part of the arch, the knees. Yep. And then the inner part of the arch, the private area. Wow. And then the inner part of the arch, the private area. Wow. Now, you'd imagine due to the shape of an M, you can imagine the stance that the feet, the knees,

and the inner area are implying. And then team that up with the McDonald's slogan, I'm loving it. And yeah, it's not an endorsement of a happy meal. Well, it is. But it's not an endorsement of a happy meal. Well, it is. But it's not an endorsement of a happy meal. No. It's very sexual.

But at first glance, it does look like. At a quick glance, it looks like a poorly designed McDonald's M. But then on closer inspection, the stiletto heels at the end of the feet and the shape of the butt at the bottom of the inner part of the ear really indicate otherwise. The kid wore this to school and then came home and was like, mum, I don't think my t-shirt's appropriate. Everyone's laughing at me. Everyone's laughing. Right.

And I've been told I can't wear this to school again. The mum just had no idea what she'd done. I don't think so. And I don't think the kid doesn't look old enough to be buying his own clothes. Right. No, the kid looks like he wouldn't know what that means anyway. At primary school, like last year,

maybe like last year or second last year at primary school? Yeah, maybe eight or nine. Yeah. I don't know. I'm terrible. I've got kids and I'm still terrible at guessing kids' age. How are you? Yeah.

I look at a kid, I'm like, that kid be driving? Like, nah, it's an eight-year-old driving. I do live in West Auckland. I know, yeah, it's very confusing. Because mum and dad have had a few burps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If there's an adult in the back seat vomiting out the window, I always think the kid must be 12 or below.

F.E.M. We are rationing New Zealand. Actually, the whole world has been told that we need to ration condoms because there is a global shortage. rationing New Zealand. Actually, the whole world has been told that we need to ration condoms because there is a global shortage. Now, this affects Durex Confidence 56mm

ones. That's not a very big penis. It's 5.5cm. We're talking across. Oh, Jesus! What is that? Tane Mahuta? That sounds huge! You're not putting that anywhere near me. Across! Oh, Jesus. What is that? Tane Mahuta? That sounds huge. You're not putting that anywhere near me. Across.

5.6 across. Across? Is that bloody girthy penis? 5.6 millimetres. Oh, no. 56 millimetres. Oh, okay. 5.6 centimetres. Yeah, so 5.6 centimetres across.

5 centimetres. Mate. That's a girthy one. Let me get an exact ruler. No, what do we call it? So what? Call it up on your computer. There'll be an online ruler.

I've always found online rulers a little unreliable because it doesn't know what I've seen. It doesn't know what size my screen is. You can't get an online ruler, Megan. Online ruler. It's not a thing. How is that different to just taking a photo of a ruler?

Your pixels could be different. You can set up your screens different. So a centimeter on your screen. Oh, this one asks me what I'm using. Oh, see? Am I using, what is this? I don't know, a MacBook? What size is it?

15 inches. 15! This is very good, Athena. Hold on. Gee, you've got to be effing kidding me. That's... Okay, so let's go with this. Is that average girth?

These are the big ones. No, Derek's confidence is average, isn't it? And then there's the gold one. Why is everybody looking at James? He's the only other dude in the room. No, I thought, surely that's middle of the road, isn't it? Joe, the old Drew's hotness. Listen to the depth of your voice.

Of course it's middle of the road for you, mate. You're obviously absolutely stacked. And then gold knight larger ones are the other ones that we're going to have to pick. Gold knight? Don't make the guys with the big penises feel even better. It should be named something like a bottom of a freak. I'm just like, this is great news that there's obviously a need for. The confidence are bigger ones as well.

The confidence are. I've just Googled, yeah. That's five and a half centimetres wide in studio. Look at how wide that is. You're not putting that anywhere near me. That's standard. And then that wedge. Circular.

That's just the diameter. Now I'm running it in a circle. It's like a toilet roll, all larger. Diameter's right across, though. What a way to learn I've got a stick-thin penis. A pencil. What a way to learn I'm dealing with a whipping stick. Seriously, I thought that was

the rule of thumb. It must work though. You've got a couple of kids and you've at least done it twice. Well, it works. And your wife's still here. If a Daihatsu car works, it doesn't mean that it's nice. That's right. It doesn't mean it's not a beamer. It gets you from A to B. It's not

a hummer. So, it turns out that the Connies, the big Connies, there's a need to be. It's not a Hummer. Oh, Christ. Okay, so it turns out the Connies, the big Connies, there's a shortage. We're rationing it. Wait, so what's the size? Tell me the size of these Golden Knights. It doesn't say. It's only got the measurement of the confidence, 56mm.

Fletch is onto it, though. I don't know what the diameter is of the Golden Knight larger. 56mm width. Oh, it's the same. No, it's not. Now Google the width of the other one. Because that is large. Golden Knight larger. 56mm width. Oh, it's the same. No, it's not. Now Google the width of the other one. Because that is large. Gold Knight larger. No, no, no. That was the Gold Knight.

Well, you said confidence. Confidence. No, confidence is 56mm too. Yeah, these are both. So the girth is the same. The length changes. No, the girth changes. But they're meant to be tight, hey, like a sock. Like a tight sock. Well, you don't want it falling off.

Yeah, so maybe don't use these ones, Warren. I've been out of the condom game for too long, and I'm glad I have been, because this has been a real blow to the confidence. Welcome back to work. You've got a stick-thin penis. You already knew it wasn't very long, but now you know it's thin.

Fantastic. Great day. Super dupes. Well, there's still plenty of the other ones. You'll just have to squeeze into those. Maybe that means you're in a minority, though, because obviously these are, like, going off the shelves. God, I've got a bloody Spanish breakfast sausage

and everybody else is having a borscht wars. You've got a chipolata. A little cherry from the deli cabinet. I'm not going to be able to order those because the kids were always wanting one of those on their bill. They'll be like, Dad, can we get a cheerio? I'll be like, absolutely not. Who told you that?

Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello, welcome to The Top Six. There was a little bit of a situation where Rotorua had a welcome sign. Welcome to Rotorua. But it also had the speed limit and Māori language on the bilingual welcome.

Yeah, it said like, welcome to the country's only bisexual city or something. Bilingual. Bilingual. But also bisexual. But also bisexual. Only bi-city. So they can tell you they love it in whatever language. Whatever language.

That was bad because you can't have the speed and a message on the same sign. So now they've figured it out. So that was a sign. They were like, we're going to get rid of this sign. Everyone's like, whoa, that's not good. So now there's two signs. They've corrected.

They've said it's not because of... Don't be silly. It's not because of that now there's two signs. They've corrected. They've said it's not because of... Don't be silly. It's not because of that. It's because of the number in the middle. Because it was weird. The set out of the sign. I'm no graphic designer. Too much on a sign.

I'm no graphic designer, but the set out was terrible. Right. So now they've got two signs. Yeah. And the lovely bilingual message will be on one sign and then speed on the other. Yeah. So just like a bisexual, they'll have it both ways. Greedy.

But it got me to thinking that we need to have some welcome signs as you go into New Zealand cities that represent the actual city, not these slogans that council spend thousands of thousands of dollars coming up with. Yeah. Because what's Hamilton's one? Your one? Get it on. His current one? Get onto on. His current one?

Get on to it. It was in the City of the Future. Oh, no, that was the unofficial tagline of the early 2000s. Okay. Because they had a thing, oh, we're rebranding. And people just were like, well, why don't we just do this? And then everyone remembers the one that cost them nothing versus the one that cost them thousands of dollars. Yeah, right.

So the Top Sacks City welcome signs and what they should say. Number six, we'll start in Hamilton. Okay. Welcome to Hamilton. A great city. Super duper city with a river. That's all. No other jokes.

Keep your legs closed. Wait, where are you going? Just passing through. Where are you going? Tauranga, Taupo. What are you going there for? They're going to bypass the whole city? Well, F right off then.

We don't need you, Hamilton. That's a lot to put on a sign, Vaughan. Yeah, it's going to have to be a big one. It's going to have to be a big one. A big green one. Yeah. Number five on the list is Auckland's City Welcome sign. Welcome to Auckland, don't touch what you can't afford, and you can't afford much.

True. Sadly true. Sadly true. I like that. Number four on the list, welcome to Christchurch, where we're building a brand new city, but some things will live on forever, like our casual attitude towards racism. Because that's the thing, people panic. They're like, what's Christchurch becoming?

I don't recognise anything. Can I still say, you know, the N word? And yeah, mate, amongst your group of friends, it's still a safe word to say without any judgment. You can't yell it in public like you used to, though. Oh, God, what's the world becoming? Oh, well, as long as I can still use it amongst my group of primarily white sheep farming friends.

I don't know if that'll go on a sign. That's again, a big sign. Big sign. Big sign. Big sign. Number three on the list is for Dunedin. Okay. Welcome to Dunedin, a city built around a university and some of New Zealand's most atrocious crimes.

I don't know. Maybe it's the cold. Maybe it's something in the water. Who knows? But what a great place to send your 18-year-olds for their first away-from-home experience. Again, a lot to put on a sign. It's big, but you've got a long way from the airport to the city,

so you can probably stagger it. Yeah, right. They have it on multiple signs. Like three billboards from Mosgill. Yeah. Three billboards outside Mosgill, New Zealand. Oh, fine reference to that movie. You finally got it, yeah.

That movie. Number three on the list. You finally got it. Yeah. That movie. Number three on the list. It's for Wellington. Okay. It's all going to be in lowercase. Yeah. Why? And it's going to like be, I haven't picked the font, but it's just.

Like a handwritten font? The font needs to be like, yeah, like a lazy handwritten font. Yeah. Welcome to Wellington. If you're just arriving, you've missed the golden years of Wellington. I've lived here for ages. Things were just different when I arrived. Like, you probably wouldn't get it,

but the art and music scene has changed heaps. And not for the better. That would be Wellington. That's a big sign. A big sign. And the number one for the city welcome signs for New Zealand cities and what they should actually say. Welcome to Tauranga.

Everyone thought it was cute to send their old people here to retire until old people made everything so expensive to purchase that young skateboarding Christians had to move elsewhere. Probably to Hamilton, which is a great city. Don't bypass it. Stop in here. Again. This sign brought to you by Hamilton.

A lot to put on a sign. Yeah, a lot, but we've got time. We'll find a slightly less wordy way of doing it. That's today's top six. Now, if you've ever listened to Talkback Radio, it's probably no surprise to you that old people can get quite lonely. Oh, because that's all they do. They call Talkback.

They love. I wish young people got as lonely. It'd be great for us. It'd be great for the radio. No, but there'd be rubbish calls because they just call up to talk about nothing. Oh, yeah, but just a little of that time to listen, you know. Yeah, true. But this is quite sad news that one in three elderly New Zealanders

spend their days all alone. Oh. This was. It's a long time to wait at home until the chaser comes on. Oh. Before the news. No, you can get into that other one where they drop the coins when they get the questions right.

Tip and kiss. Oh, I love that. It's always on at the church. Is that what that's called? I think so. Yeah, it's like an arcade, like the lollies chocolate game that I love. It's everything. It's questions.

And then every time you get a question right, I love the question aspect of the chaser. And then you get to drop a coin. And then there's the whole, yeah, dumbass, you put it down the wrong place. Oh, yeah, that's great. And then before you know it, you've wasted another half an hour. Gone. But you're still lonely. Yeah. So I had a friend that worked on a campaign in England about this,

and it was like she was always sharing stats and stuff, and I was like, man, that's so sad. I'm glad that's not the story here, but it is. It is. Okay, so just as bad. They're not choosing to be alone because, you know, some old people, they're, I don't want to go out. Now some would choose to be alone because you know some old people, they I don't want to go out. Now some

would choose to be alone. Right. But some have said awful things and you don't go around there anymore. Some of them couldn't hold their racist tongue. So you're still visiting them with your mixed race partner. Yeah. If you lived in the same city as your

racist nan, would you go around all the time? Yeah, I would. How often? Oh, probably not as often as you like. I wish I lived a bit closer to nan because she's my last living grandparent. I'd go see her a bit more. Yeah. You'd still go see them even if it's for a bit of a laugh, you know?

You'd just take Mr. Toyboy around Just so she could say something racist Yeah just have a laugh at it You could film a web series Start a time out of that Yeah See if Nan can beat her own racist record Yeah how long until Nan I'm saying this but my Nan doesn't say this sort of stuff

Right I don't want anyone thinking My Nan's got a problem with my mixed race partner No she doesn't She thinks she's said you've got lovely brown skin She's said before And that's not racist because it's a compliment It's a compliment

Yeah it is It's definitely a compliment That's not racist because it's a compliment. It's a compliment. Yeah, it is. It's definitely a compliment. That's sad though. Why don't they go to They can't afford to. Are you like a retirement village? It can be quite expensive. They might order them. Might want to leave the home. I can see my mum doing it.

She's like, I don't want to become blah blah blah but she will. You always become what you don't want to. But like, a lot of older people are like, don't see me there. But have you, like, they have activities all day. Oh, yeah, but there's a difference. There's the cool ones where, you know, there's all the free sex and tennis lessons. But then there's the other ones where it's a bit like, lock them up because they need too much help.

Yeah. They lock them in a broom cupboard. Like, ooh la la and they've got golf courses and those are the rich people. Yeah. Yeah, right.

So, I mean, that's not an option for everybody and a lot of them, you know, if their partners die, they, or you imagine if like,

I don't have a huge group of friends and then like, Fletch, you'll die before me because you play fast and loose. Like, And he said said if anything starts breaking body-wise, you just jump off a cliff. I'm here for

a good time, not a long time. I see people hobbling along. You're on your 110th birthday and they'll be like, what's your secret to a long life? And you'll be like, to be honest, gas me. It's a huge surprise. If you were in my body, you would have gassed yourself by now. Oh, yeah.

I don't know. How are you doing, Megan? Hobbling along. Where are you going? Oh, I'm going to jump off a wharf. I made a deal to myself a long time ago. And then you jump off and you can swim. You're like, well, I guess it's not my time yet.

Swim back to shore. But yeah, they're saying that 28% of the elderly seniors in this Auckland DHB catchment, which makes it sound like old people are salmon, but they're not. Because you can't eat old people. No. They're not delicious if you see them in a really hot pan.

Leathery, yes. You've left it too long. If you're going to eat a human, eat them when they're young and tender. Yeah. Straight back from holiday into the cannibal jokes. That's pretty good. Usually we leave that a few days. But then, yeah, 44% in the lakes DHP catchment area.

Yep. Which makes them sound even more like salmon because now there's lakes involved. I'm just trying not to laugh. It's so sad. But yeah, that's nearly half of them don't see anybody day to day.

So what, so go and see your old, all mine are dead. You're off the hook then. I'm off the hook. You're off the hook. I'm off the hook. But your parents

are the next lot of old people. Oh, they don't need visitors yet. Yet. Yet. They're going to one day. That would actually be talking of the web series

about the racist nan. Another one would be like when, you know, I hope it doesn't happen, but if one of your parents passes away, the living one moves in with you. That would be a great web series.

No, it wouldn't. It would be horrible. Explain to mum who the stranger is leaving. What are you doing? What are you talking? What are you doing? Okay. Yeah, we'll leave it at that.

But if you've got an old person. She'll want to do baking for all of them. We're having a laugh because that's our job. But if you've got an old person in all seriousness, check on them. Give them a phone call. You give them a phone call, but you might have to go around and get one of those things that amplifies the phone

because sometimes they don't hear anything through those old handsets because they don't want to spend another $39 on a Unity and handset because they don't know how long they've got. And pets. Are pets good or bad for old people because they trip over them? Because you know what? Cats are like, I tripped over our kitten yesterday and I took the sort of fall

that would end an old person. That's another thing. Yes, so be careful. When you get old enough, you'll probably just fall over your cats. Oh, God. And then they'd eat me because no one would come and visit.

And so you just find... They're pretty quick to turn on you. Fletch sent me a photo of a Frank Underwood rowing machine. Really? Yeah. With the water. Yeah, with the water in it.

Yeah, because I went to a gym in Sydney and they had one. And I was like, Vaughan will really appreciate this. Even despite the... Because I've talked about... Yeah, despite. Despite the Kevin Spacey Me Too issues. Oh, yeah, but the rowing machine didn't have anything to do with it. No.

No, the rowing machine... I've been brought into this. For those that have never seen House of Cards, it's like this hand No, the rowing machine. I've been brought into this. For those that have never seen House of Cards, it's like this handcrafted wooden rowing machine. And the resistance is in the water. Yeah, there's a water at the front. You spin a fin in the water so you're working. It's really unusual looking thing.

The fact that that was on House of Cards and he rode on it quite often sold so many of those rowing machines. 100%. So you sent me a picture of that. Yeah. And I was like, where the hell have you seen one of these? I was confused.

Because that's not the kind of thing you'd have at a hotel gym. I thought we'd agreed to have a no exercise while we're on holiday time. Well, see, I thought that was the case, but then you start eating on holiday and you're like, well, I've got to go to the gym to counterbalance this, to feel good. So I was like, well, there's a gym down there, like a proper gym, because you know you stay in a motel or a hotel,

and they might have a treadmill from the 90s? Yeah. And you're just like, I need weights. I need something more. I need a full gym. So I rang up this gym that was down the road. I said, how much to come for a day? And the lady was like, it's $40.

$40 for a casual? Yeah, and I was like, well, I'm here for three days. I'd love to come for three days. Can I get a concession? Can I do maybe like $50 for three days? That's still expensive. But I was like, maybe I can. She's like, no, it's $39.99 a day.

Like a casual visit. Out of interest, how much was it? Like a month? Oh, not much. Like your gym's here. no, it's $39.99 a day. Like a casual visit. Out of interest, how much was it? Like a month? Oh, not much. Like your gym's here. Right, so yeah. Standards. So I jumped online.

And you gave me a bit of shit about this. But I tell you what, this is a little life hack for anybody traveling. I jumped online. Free trial membership. Classic. Three day free trial membership. Fill out this form. Three days?

That's not enough. You get a week. Well, no, some of them, I did Google, you can get week ones as well, but I got the three-day one because I'm only there three days. Yeah.

Filled out my details, put in my Australian SIM card number, put in the hotel address, and filled it out. They sent me back, here's your free three-day pass. I'm like, sweet. And that was all it took.

And that's all it took. And no, but then, so I went into the gym and they're like, okay, after you use the gym, come back and we'll talk about membership options. So did you have to have like an hour conversation? No, it was like five, it was five long minutes. What are your goals?

Yeah, what are you, now how? Oh, yeah. So I was like, look, it's Easter Monday. So I want to try to come back and try one of your classes tomorrow. So then I'll talk about this. Yeah. I just want to get more of a feel, you know, because it's too soon to make a decision about the gym now.

Yeah, because I haven't done a class. And then the guy wasn't there the next day, and then I just came back on the third day and he wasn't there either. So I got three days for free. And you're avoiding the awful annoying part because then they'll call you, call you, call you. Yeah, because I threw my SIM card in the bin at the airport because they did try to call me

when I was later in the week. I just ignored it because I knew it was them. Yeah, you saw it. Because they were like, do you want to come back in and try the gym the first time? So now they've stopped answering. Bad news, I've moved again. I've decided to get three days in Melbourne. I don't again. I've decided to be at Three Days in Melbourne. I don't know what they're going to be like

down here. Yeah, I know. But I would have paid $15 or something for a casual workout because it's a big gym. That's fine. But $40, dreaming. But that's why they do it, right? You really get your money's worth out of the gym.

Like you. You linger in the change rooms, like, spas. You're a big... Steam room. No, no, I hate gym spas. I don't use gym spas. No. Oh, I thought you were pro-gym spa. No, ever since that time Megan got hot tub folliculitis.

It sounds funny, but it's... It's all far from funny. It's not funny. It's full's all good It's not funny It's full body rash It's scabies It's scabies for everything It pretty much is Yeah No but I

I do cardio I'm anti gym spa Everything But money's worth This is up there With the time On the Gold Coast I was with a friend

We went to a Wyndham Resorts Presentation Yes About timeshare holidays Don't know why They were inviting Like 20 something year olds to this

because no one's got money. Yeah, and this was in the 80s too, which is really weird. No one buys timesharing more, do they? No, they have these holiday clubs and you pay like a fee and you get X amount of nights in these resorts around the world. Probably just get an Airbnb instead. I know this because we had- Go where you want, when you want, Airbnb.

Yeah, I know, but I know this now because I had to sit through an hour and a half presentation. Hour and a half? No, but we got two free tickets to Dreamworld because that was how they got you in. Were you allowed to take a goon into the presentation? Because you might as well preload if you're going to be going to some boring evening presentation.

Well, no, but that would have, it was awful. It was really long and drawn out. But we got two free tickets and it was no obligation. Right. So we were like, what have we got to lose? We're on the Goldie. This is like, and you know, those tickets are like waveries table. No, there was no snacks.

Eee, poor move on the Wyndham's behalf. But. Get me with a couple of spring rolls and a sambosa. How much are those tickets? Like 150 bucks. Yeah. Wow, they used to be. People are still going. Yeah. This is pre used to be. People are still going.

This is pre the RIP. Pre-incident. Look, I've just got a lot of holiday hacks. Free you free things. The extent you went to. I would like to know what extent people who are listening have gone to to get something for free.

Is this on holiday or just any time in life. Any time in life. But on holiday maybe especially because it's kind of your free time, isn't it? Your holiday time and you're using it to go to a presentation just to get some free tickets. That's really tight ass actually. How do you value your time?

Looking back at it now. I'm just buying them now, but back in the day. Yeah. You know. Well, no, I was just thinking if they were $150 or $120, let's say, for Dreamworld and it was an hour and a half, that's heaps. $80 an hour. $80 an hour.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't buy yourself $80 an hour. In times two, you've got no trade. You're useless. Yeah, exactly. Okay, well, 0800-DARLS-AT-M-9696. This will make me feel better about being a tight ass. Yeah.

What extent did you go to to get something for free? Maybe you purchased a whole lot of Instagram followers. That could work. And then you said companies, hey, I've got all these Instagram followers. Do you want to give me anything for free? That wouldn't work, would it? Are you kidding? There would be people peddling that game hard.

There'll be people actually making money off it. But you can always tell those people because you look at their photos and they have like 10 likes. Yeah, I know. And they've got 100,000 followers. It's just quite, I might repost that later. Some reason, I think the algorithm's against me. All right, 0800-DARL-NM you can text 9696. What lengths did you go to to get something for free?

We're talking about the extent you've gone to to get something for free. Mostly on holidays I guess we're hearing from because people are hearing Fletcher's story about free gym membership for three days. And I just had to sit through a bit of a club

sale, a bit of a why this gym's great. But then it was totally worth it. Saved $120. Yeah. That's extravagant pricing from them. Not as good as my two Dreamworld tickets for a friend and I had to sit through a timeshare presentation. But again, no obligation. They knew what they were

getting themselves into. Somebody else said they sat through a presentation on the Gold Coast much like you and in turn they actually not only got the tickets but they were the lucky ones

that won free accommodation in Fiji. But then you've got to get there, don't you? Then you've got to get to Fiji. I'm guessing the accommodation is the thing they're trying to sell so every day

is going to be the hard sell. Sean, this was on the Goldie as well? No, this was actually in Auckland. Oh, okay. But it was for timeshare though, wasn't it? Yeah, it was for the Goldie as well? No, this was actually in Auckland. Oh, okay. But it was for Timeshare, though, wasn't it? Yeah, it was for Wyndham.

Okay. We entered a contest for a car, to win a car. I thought, yep, sweet car. Got the phone call, and it was like, oh, would you like to come to this presentation? I was like, yep, great. Well, you could win a camera. I was like, okay.

So, went for the camera. Came out with the Timeshare as well. Did you? You actually bought the timeshare? I did, mate. I did. It got you. Did you get the camera, though?

I did get the camera. Oh. I didn't get the whole camera. It was pretty crappy, but it's a good photo. Did you get the car? No. That's the one I wanted the most. Well, that's how they get you, isn't it? The entry for the car.

Yeah. Because you basically paid them for the camera. Yeah. Pretty much. Because I'm too tight-ass to go along to that thing. I'm not buying it. I'm not buying it.

I just don't have the money to buy timeshare. Do you want to buy timeshare? How much is it? Good sir. Over $1,000, I am out. But I will take the ticket.

These are free tickets. All right, thanks for your call, Sean. Rachel, how far did you go for something for free? Rachel. Yes. Yeah thanks for your call, Sean. Rachel, how far did you go for something for free? Rachel. Yes, yeah.

That's you, not the other Rachel. It was actually a friend of mine. He was going on a trip around the world and wanted access to one of the airport lounges at Auckland Airport. Right. So he did a bit of research, found out that a particular credit card gave him free access to the lounge. Right. So he did a bit of research, found out that a particular credit card

gave him free access to the lounge. Right. Not wanting to pay the account fee for the credit card, he found that if he signed up for a golf membership, he could then get the credit card for free. Good God, we are jumping through some hoops now. So he bought a gym membership, no, a golf membership.

He didn't buy the golf membership. He found a place online that he could sign up for a golf membership, get an access number to then enter that to get the credit card. So it didn't pay for anything. And then the credit card got him lounge access. Yes, yeah. And then he, what, cancelled the credit card or kept the credit card?

I believe he would probably cancel it before he got charged in the council. And then never played golf? Never played golf. Oh, my God. Wow. What a loophole.

That's brilliant. I mean, that's a lot of admin because you can get into it. Sometimes you can buy the lounge pass for like 50 bucks or 40 bucks, can't you? Yeah, but he didn't have to pay that. There's less of a loophole than all of a sailor's notch.

Like, it's a pretty confusing path to follow. That is all right. Thanks. You're cool, Rachel. Somebody else said, at Disneyland, we sat through an hour-long Disney holidays timeshare package, and you get 16 free fast passes to use at Disneyland. Front of the line for every ride the next day, and if you grab the fast passes from the machines as you go around,

you can almost do the rides with no lines. And at the presentation, you get a free brunch with beer or wine. But you have to look interested. That's the catch. Otherwise, they'll send you out without fast pass. See, that's the thing. You can wait in a you out without fast pass. See, that's the thing. You could wait in a Disneyland line for an hour and a half. Yeah.

Some of those lines. Even more. Yeah. Worth it. We went to a Timeshare presentation in Fiji. It was 90 minutes and got $5 tickets for Sea Cruises day trip. So they went to this, but then they could buy the tickets for $5. Right.

The catch was free barbecue lunch with beer and wine. And the whole day trip was worth $189. So we paid the $5, went to the presentation, paid the $5, and boy, did we drink our fish here. Yeah, and you can tell they would have been like, mum, they would have put a sandwich in the handbag for later. For later. 100%.

Did you do that on your holiday? Did you get some? No, my mum, because I No my mum Because I took my mum This was my mum's 60th The holiday we just had She'd grab a couple of Cheese croissants For the handbag

For later Because she doesn't eat a lot of lunch Classic mum Load up a breakfast And it'll get you through the day But she'd grab a couple of Cheese croissants Because your father gets peckish

Round two I saw one of the world's most poisonous snakes, and this is the second time I've seen one. Right. Both times in Fiji. Okay. I saw this black and white. I didn't think they had snakes in Fiji.

No, they've got sea snakes. Oh, right. Okay. I don't know the official name for it. I'm just Googling sea snake black white stripes. Right. The yellow-lipped sea crate. Oh, okay.

Also known as the banded sea crate. Because I didn't see its lips. I couldn't say if they were yellow. The yellow-lipped would indicate that it is indeed yellow-lipped. Its lips were yellow. But I didn't see that. Right. But rather than Fletcher's arsera jangua story,

I actually took a photo of this sea snake. Oh, well I didn't have my camera out and it happened so quick. Well this, I was swimming, snorkelling gracefully and I looked down and I saw black and white stripes on the floor of the ocean.

Ocean. And I thought, oh that looks like one of those poisonous snakes. Because last time we were in Fiji, we were on a boat thing going and visiting islands and villages and stuff. And one was swimming and we were like, whoa, what's that? And he's like, oh, one of the world's most deadly snakes. I was like, ha ha. And he was like, don't laugh.

It's serious. So that's how I knew they were bad news. And I'm swimming and I see it down on the floor of the ocean. Right. And I think it looks pretty chill. What's this lying there? I'm going to get a photo. the floor of the ocean. Right. And I think, it looks pretty chill. What's this lying there? I'm going to get a photo. Yeah, on the bottom. Yeah. And I took a photo. I was like, that can't be what I

think it is. Yeah. And so then I dawdled for a minute, took a couple of photos and then panicked. Yeah. And swam as fast as I could back to shore. And I think I just saw a snake. And mum was like, don't be silly. Classic mum.

Don't be bloody silly. Here we go, Vaughan's seen a snake. And I was like, look, and I pulled up the GoPro and I'm on the tiny screen. Too small, I can't see that. Go and get the tablet. Which they loved taking photos of things when we were on holiday on the tablet.

They're not the only parents. And so then I put it on my laptop and I showed them and they're like, oh, it does look like one. And then we were talking to one of the guys at the bar and I was like, oh, would this have been that or just something that looks like it? Because I found out during Googling

there's some things that look like it. Right. And it's like, oh, no, no, they're around here. You see them every now and then. But if it's lying on the bottom of the ocean, don't worry about it and don't bother it. But when they're swimming, you've probably got to look out for them.

And was it swimming? No, it was chilling, is how I would describe its presence on the floor of the ocean. It looked like it was chilling. If it had bit you... I wouldn't have got back to shore. Is that what they say? Is that...

Real quick. Like, they just... You're done. I don't have some kind of epi pen or something behind the bar. It wouldn't do anything. Right. Is that what they say? Is that... Real quick. Like, they just... You're done. You're done for, mate. They don't have some kind of epi pen or something behind the bar? It wouldn't do anything. Right. It'd just make you freak out quite intensely about dying

rather than just slipping into a death. But how quick are they at biting under the water? Because you know when there's resistance, are they like... Well, now, see, there's resistance for us, Megan, but these are creatures who have evolved over millions of years to be quite sleek through the water. Right. It's like a shark, you know? Oh, yeah, see, there's resistance for us, Megan, but these are creatures who have evolved in the millions of years to be quite sleek through the water. It's like a shark, you know? They don't really feel the resistance of water.

They've evolved to be more powerful in their element. Okay. It's just like when you're doing running underwater. It's hard. Well, snakes have been aqua-jogging for millions of years. They've really got it down. They've got it down. FEME.M.

A New Zealand wedding celebrant, this is a company who does weddings, has said the most requested songs that she gets from New Zealand couples. But why would the celebrant have anything to do with music? I don't know. They do like packages. They do like weddings in general. Right, okay.

So then you tell them everything that you want. Well, they're making money off music. They should be paying a licensing fee. Should they? Yep. Vaughn, it's a grey area. I'm just saying, I wouldn't want that on my books. She's basically said, hey, AP want that on my books. Yeah, but you're only playing it once. It's like 10 cents, isn't it?

She basically said, hey, APRA, come at me. Yeah. Well, the artist's only going to get 10 cents. If you've got a cafe as well, if you've got anywhere where you can play public music, you should. I remember when I learned that I asked a surf shop, everybody went very quiet. Except for the music. They were still very loud. Too loud for me.

But what if they just play Spotify? Then Spotify plays the artist. Oh, I don't know about that. That's a grey area. Yeah, we don't care about music. Musicians? Oh, yeah, they care. A little bit, yeah.

So this is the most popular wedding songs in New Zealand. What New Zealand couples are requesting. Okay. Ed Sheeran is right on up there. Shape of You and this song. I found a love. Oh, perfect. He wrote this.

Yeah. If I was a musician, I'd definitely, every album, try to have a wedding song. Or a Christmas song. I'd try for a Christmas song every year. I'd be the most desperate sounding recording artist of all time. Oh God, DJ Vorden Smith

back with another Christmas remix. Next up, Bruno Mars' Marry You. Oh, yeah. Classic. Absolute classic. I don't know if these are specifically walking down the aisle because that sounds more like a leaving. An entrance to the reception song.

Yeah. Elvis can't help falling in love. Or any variation of. What? Is this the Aaron Neville version? No, it's UB40. This would be your Westie. And Michael Bublé does a rendition of this.

Oh, you can't beat this. No, this is the one. Bublé can go up against UB40. Wait till the beat drops. Yeah. Wait till the beat drops, Vaughn. This is your special wedding day. I'm in.

I'm in. I'm in. It was worth it. Here she comes. It was worth it. It I'm in. It was worth it. Here she comes. It was worth it. It was worth it. It was worth it. She's wearing a purple wedding dress.

How do you walk to this? Like this. You ready? Yeah. It's a very slow strut. Yeah, you're not seeing this on the radio, but it's a great strut, yeah. Okay. Okay. So that's up there for New Zealand couples.

I mean, there's definitely people out there that have had this, and now we're taking this. The amount of people that love UB40 in this country never ceases to amaze me. Love it. I love a bit of Red Red Wine. I mean, this is a great song, but I'm not walking out the aisle with it. Can you, while Megan continues this list, find your wedding song

that you had? What was that? Was that a... Yes. The walk-in one? Oh, the walk-in one. Or First Dance. I've got the First Dance. Oh, you've got the First Dance.

Okay, find that. John Legend, All of Me. I mean, he wrote that. Oh, that's a nice song. Chrissy Teigen. Christina Perri, A Thousand Years. The Twilight wedding song. Yeah, then my sister had this one.

Oh, yeah. Because she grew up with Twilight and she was like, when do I get married? I don't think she's ever watched a Twilight. Oh, then my sister had this one. Oh, yeah. Because she grew up with Twilight and she was like, when I get married. I don't think she's ever watched it. Twilight. Oh, really? She just liked it.

No, but that ruins it. It's a really beautiful song. I'll just fast forward to it. It is a beautiful song. It is a really beautiful song. Yeah, it's a good one. Yeah, but then you get divorced and the song's ruined for you, isn't it?

Yeah. I mean, you don't go afraid But then you get divorced and the song's ruined for you, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, you don't go into it thinking that. You don't pick your wedding songs thinking, now if I get divorced, is this going to ruin the song for me? New Zealand songs that are requested. Avalanche City, Love, Love, Love. Oh, yeah, that's a good one.

Yeah, but no, that was a New World song. I know. You can't get married to the New World TV song. If you got in there, there was a real Goldilocks time there for that song. Like, when people knew it, but before TV had heard of it. 660, Forever and Special. And it's just noted that the most requests for New Zealand songs, New Zealand artists, comes from Wellington. Oh, yeah.

Good supporters of New Zealand music then. Yeah. And also, a good recessional song which is the number one. So recessional is after you've signed the piece of paper. You're leaving down the aisle.

You're like, yeah, you're married. Number one in New Zealand is Smash Mouth. I'm a believer. Piss right off, New Zealand. What is wrong with you? It's Shrek. It's Shrek.

It's Shrek. But the lyrics, very fitting. I mean, we're all happy now, right? I know, yeah, I am really happy. Are you feeling happy inside? All these songs have made me happy. And I'm a believer. Okay, when's the bar open?

That's my next question. This is a real mum shuffler too, this one. Yeah. Okay. Oh, good times. Alright, so what was your, is this, have you found your, this is your first dance? I found a first dance song, yeah. Because we had Florence and the Machine. Oh, that was nice.

But what Florence and the Machine song was it? Um, Vaughn. The love one. Was it the You've Got the Love? You've Got the Love, but you had an orchestral. Do we have an orchestral remix? Because I played this and I was like, that comes in hot. I can't imagine it.

Not hot, but like hot. And I was like, it wasn't the dog days or over that would have been a little on the nose because the dog days are still going am i right oh no no wow this is our first dance song though i forgot about this is still whenever this yeah um johnny cash song comes on again and you've got it it's a great song. And you think, is it hard to dance romantically to this song? I didn't even know Johnny Cash did this.

No. Yeah. We'll need a remix. Sounds exactly the same as this one. I think if we can take anything from this today, it's that you need Smash Mouth at your wedding. Yeah. But it sounds like Smash Mouth, UB40, and a song from Twilight.

And you've got yourself a wedding package. I wanted to just stop now, but... Hey now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey now. Intern Anya, will you, being a Smash Mouth fan, will you have this at your wedding? I feel like it's the only way to kickstart a marriage.

Give them enough warning. I reckon you could get actual Smash Mouth at your wedding. Oh, shit. That would be amazing. I don't think it would blow out the wedding budget. They're ready to still offer the flights from America. I reckon they probably would. FEM.

If you know me, which I hope you do, but if you know me, you hope you do If you know me You know I'm An investigative journalist You slash Nosy Parker Do the hugger You are a nosy Parker

I love gossip But I also Like People love telling me gossip Yeah I don't know why Like you said Someone said to Megan once

Vaughn's so nice He always asks how everything is And blah blah blah And I'm like Yes It's only because he wants to goss He's like Hi how are you So what's happening everyone's so nice. He always asks how everything is. And blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, yes. It's only because he wants to goss. He's like, hi, how are you?

So, tell me. So, tell me. I'm like, I need gossip to survive. Well, this wasn't gossipy.

Right. But yesterday, we found ourselves with some time before going and picking up our dog, which had been staying at a farm stay. Okay. Because our dog deserves the best.

Okay. He gets the holiday. She gets the holiday too. Yeah, she does. It's the holidays. It's just a kennel at a farm. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, loves it.

So we had some time to burn while we were out. And I thought, we're close to where Megan lives. Oh, God. Let's see if we can find where Megan lives. Not a huge community. Because we have not been invited around. To the new place. To the new, new place.

Your new flat. Where is this going? So out we drive. What? To stalk Megan. Did you see me naked? And I'm like, I know that their cars will be out front. And the combo of cars I've got, not too many people would have that combo.

Maybe like a gay middle-aged couple. The jeep's not. It's just a black jeep. An MX-5 and a black jeep. Which one are you taking to work today, Gareth? I want to take the jeep. I want to take the jeep. What's the other one called?

Gareth and Steve they're breaking stereotypes by having you know Gareth and Steve masculine names I'm all about busting down the walls so we're driving around and I said

I know it's on the inside I know it's on the inside part of the road driving along and then Indy, my daughter, who's in the back like I know it's on the inside part of the road yeah driving along and then Indy my daughter who's in the back seat is like there's Andrew and Megan

and I'm like ah go ah what is it they're walking their dog oh my god we're crawling like suspiciously slow

through this neighbourhood and Indy's like there's Andrew and Megan winds her window down and is about to be like, Megan! She starts winding her window down. I press the lock button that means you can't, like, play with windows anywhere in the car. And Indy's like, my window's not working.

Starts yelling, Megan! Andrew, Megan! Can we stop? They've got their dog. Can we stop? I was like, shut up, guys. Everybody quiet. And Shana's like, Why didn't you just stop?

Slumped down the seat. You can't admit that you've gone out of your way to stalking. We can't admit that we were just coming for a nosy. I wouldn't have cared. No, I know, but it got too weird. Because then I was like, if they turn around now, and he's climbing out the window, I'm like frantically trying to shut the window.

And Sade's like. Oh, my God. Why did she leave? She was just. Oh, she was like, I don't want to be caught doing this. She's just out, like, abandons family. Right, because, I mean, initially what you just plan to drive by. We're just driving slowly.

I was like, there's the chance of them, like, maybe they're not even home. There's a chance of them being outside, slim. Yeah, we're driving. And Indy's out the window. She spots them, which is lucky because we're driving slowly. Yeah. Did you drive right past me? Literally, we drove past.

I could have spat out the window and got you. Easy peasy. Because it's not a huge road. I can't believe you didn't stop. I wanted to lay or come back or like go down the road and message you and be like, hey, we're just down the road. But why would you be down the road? And then India would be like, we just drove past you. Yeah, exactly.

Because she's always dropping me in it. She's too honest for her own good. She'd be like, we were just driving back there and we saw you and Dad freaked out and Mum slunk down in the seat. And I was trying to yell out to you because I wanted to say hi to your dog. Anyway, we're waiting for the housewarming invite. Yeah. Great spot.

Because after we found them, we found their house. They weren't home. They weren't home. Did you go and look at the windows? I grabbed a couple of pair of undies just for old time's sake. I think they were Andrus. Otherwise, you've got a very masculine taste in underpants but that's fine, I'm not here to judge

as I said, all about breaking down stereotypes Brad Pitt apparently has, wow, you say girlfriend but they say he's spending a lot of time with this one woman her name is Neri Oxman she's not a Hollywood actress she is an acclaimed architect and a professor and going back through all of his line of girlfriends since forever we've known of Brad Pitt, Hollywood superstar.

When it's Paltrow. Yeah, they've all been actresses, haven't they? All been famous. Jennifer Aniston. There's a long list. I can't think of them right now. But they've all been, yeah, famous actresses. So she's just got a normal job.

Don't say just an architect. Yeah, and just a normal job. Don't say just an architect. Yeah, and just a normal job. She's a professor of architecture. Oh, and she's won awards, hasn't she? She's award winning. Oh, right, okay. I would find that a fascinating person to be dating. An architect.

She'd walk into a building and she wouldn't just look at a building like, I would look at a building, like colours. Chairs and tables and roofs. Here's a series of colours and shapes. Yeah. She'd, you know, see the design, but also the practicality of it. Oh, there's your load bearer.

God, all the pillars in this restaurant. It's fascinating. Oh, look, would you just order off the menu already? She'd be annoying. She'd be like, the fire exits are in the wrong place. No, that would be good to know. It would just be very interesting. Oh, you could go to somewhere and you'd be annoying She'd be like The fire exits are in the wrong place No that would be good to know It would just be very interesting Oh you could go to somewhere

And you'd be like This is nice And she'd be like It's nice but You know practically speaking I mean the window Should probably be facing the west I know

Or something North I think you want Mostly in the north In the southern hemisphere North In the northern hemisphere South Yeah right

Because of the sun I'd hit her with that fact and she'd be like, this guy's got a basic knowledge of house direction. I'm into him. Right. I think architects are better. Mind you, I just find anybody who knows an extreme amount about one specific area fascinating.

Right. Like a tax specialist. Oh, you can actually... No, you say boring, but it'll be like, okay, Jill. Wait, so I'm just imagining you and your lovely wife break up and you're dating. Yeah. And I'm like, what do you do? And she's like, I'm a tax specialist.

I'll be like, all right, Jill. What are the chances of me buying a drone, hypothetically, definitely hasn't happened, and writing that off as a business expense. How much video would I need to film and charge out for before this became a tax-deductible purchase? And she'd hit me with it, and I'd be like, good work, Jill. Next question. No, but it doesn't get you

turned on, though, does it? It does, Megan. Knowledge gets me going. That's what you pay an accountant for. I know. Basically, I want to date people who can give me free services. Accountants, like architects.. I know. Basically, I want to date people who can give me free services. Accountants, like architects. Yeah, right. Yeah.

Yeah, right. Builders. Okay, just tradies. Yeah. Any tradies. You do some under the table cashies. We'd be under the table all right. For a plumber, be under the bench. Not a huge amount of room under the bench.

Try to go back to under the table. Right. No, but I just, architects really are fascinating people. Right. Do you think there's people that would go on dates? Because you know they always say on Tinder, these are the top professions. But that's for sexiness, right?

No, but is it that more that these are good jobs and they get paid well? Not that Brad Pitt needs to worry about that because he's already loaded. But do you think people, when they're on Tinder, they ask for a person's profession or job because it either interests them or there's lots of money? Maybe. But something like firefighter, like you said before, Megan, that's sexy.

Yeah. But also interesting because one day I might want to set a house on fire and I'd be like, all right, Tom. Yeah. But also interesting because one day I might want to set a house on fire and I'd be like, all right, Tom. Yeah. Okay. We've been dating for four months. Tom sounds so hot, by the way. I know.

I don't know. I could have gone for a female, by the way. I don't know why. Yeah, you could have. Okay, Susan and Tom. I've been dating you both for four months. How come Tom sounds sexy and Susan doesn't? Doesn't.

Susu. Hot Susu. I call her Susoso by now. We've become somewhat comfortable with each other. Okay. I've set a house on fire. There's a child in one of the rooms. First one out with the child wins.

Wins by heart. And they're like, ah! And then you go, because they're not in their firefighter gear. Right. I just need to see how they handle it on the fly. Right. And then afterwards you're like, what? Tom and Soso.

You'd be like, all right, Soso. So Tom's dead and the child. Right. And then afterwards, you're like, what? Tom and Susu. You'd be like, all right, Susu. So Tom's dead and the child significantly burned. I should have thought about that better. But tell me, how did that run through your mind? Play by play. Oh, my God. Yeah. And don't bugger it up because Julie the architect fell to bits

when I rigged that hotel with explosives and she had to tell me. Not Julie? Jill. I said Jill, didn't I? No, that was the tax accountant was Jill. Oh, God, I'm getting confused. Stop dating so many people. I can't help myself.

All right, Jill, I've committed tax fraud. Get me out of prison. It's the final test before we become official on Facebook. Right. I'd love to know if anybody would date someone primarily on their profession. Like, they'd be just super fascinated. And what would that profession be?

Yeah, maybe it'd fizzle out after you had all your answers. Or maybe you went on a date with someone in an interesting profession. Yeah. And you were just like, oh my God, they were so boring. Mortician. Oh, why? No.

I don't want to see it. I just want to know how it works. No. Because I've seen, like, the dead people, they go in and then they come out and they're dressed and they've had their hair done. Yeah, but you can... Like, how long do you spend doing their hair? Do you use hairspray?

You've got to be a real special type of person to be able to do that. I'm like, no. A hundred percent. That's why I want to know more about it. You wouldn't date someone that was, would you? How's their chat when they get home from work? No, it'd be great because if you were asleep at home and they'd come and they'd do your hair, you probably wouldn't date someone that was, would you? How's their check when they get home from work? No, it'd be great because if you were asleep at home and they'd come and they'd do you here,

you probably wouldn't even wake up. You wake up, you're in a suit, you're like, damn it, you're good! Damn it, how do you do it? Every time! So gentle! So gentle! And you've disembowelled me, that's impressive!

Okay, I'm full of embalming fluid. How do you do it? How do you do it? Okay. I'll wait 100 dollars to get you ready on time for a Vietnames. I know. That's what you need. I'd wake up there.

But her. Good God, that good. I'll wait 100 dollars at him. 9696 six, nine, six. What occupation would you like to date? Or have you a date that was fascinating? Is anyone going to say radio announcer? No. No.

Ask my wife. Terrible idea. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. Although you do give her free Ed Sheeran tickets sometimes. Do we get free Ed Sheeran tickets? Yeah. Well, I'd go. We're talking about going on dates with people with interesting occupations.

Maybe you seek them out. Yeah. Maybe you've just kind of stumbled across them and been like, you're a fascinating person because of your occupation. And maybe that's the reason you went on the date. It wasn't even that they were hot. Yes. I don't know Brad Pitt's going out with a

What the latest is An architect They're hanging out Spending a lot of time together I mean he might just be looking at getting a house designed Because he Well we're architects If you're getting a massive house designed

You have to spend a lot of time with them Tell them what you're after But she is extremely attractive I mean that helps That certainly does In any aspect of life But we're hearing from people that you love, but people that have done this.

Yeah. That have gone to people that have certain types of jobs because it might help them out. A lot of people messaging in saying IT. In fact, we've got a caller who dated someone in IT because they were in IT. Prue, good morning. Hi there.

So what happened? I'm hanging my head in shame at this point. Okay, no, it's fine. You're with friends. No judgment. No judge. No judge. Oh, good, unless he's listening in the office.

Okay. He's probably working on a computer. Prue, don't worry about it. Yeah, he will be, to be fair. Probably more of a podcast guy, Prue. Yeah, he is, he is. Okay. Because they're on computers,

that was the only reason. I mean, I'm aware that FM radio also streams to the internet now. Yeah, it's generalising. So what happened, Prue? You met him? Yeah, I was a hard-up uni student and broke my laptop.

And we'd sort of phoned him up and didn't want to pay the insurance in excess because that was so expensive for him and I didn't have any money. Yeah. So I took it into the Apple store and still didn't want to pay for it because

it was too expensive. A friend of a friend said, oh, this guy's studying. Why don't you try him? He's good with them. And if he can't fix it, he'll build something else and 10 times a little go faster. So I ended up going out for a drink with him. And he said, oh, yeah, I got the computer going so I could get my files back that I'd lost and whatnot. And, yeah, so he said, I've had a look at it and it's carried on for a while there. 13 years later, we have three kids

and my laptop's still working. Yeah, he's still with him, but, yeah, still... The laptop's broken. Not working. But it's like people who are married to builders. It's always their house that gets worked on last. It is, it is. Yeah.

Well, so that's a happy ending, apart from the laptop. It's a happy ending. He's, yeah, he keeps me well, good money in IT, so I'm not complaining. Say something you really like about him, not the money and the fact that he hits the Wi-Fi going. He's one of the things, I don't need my laptop moving because I sit on the text messages now and he FaceTimes in

or remote accesses and fixes it for me so I don't need to do it. You still haven't said anything nice about this No, the Wi-Fi thing is gold. That is love. Fixing the Wi-Fi.

That is love. Right there. He's got the fastest Netflix on anyone. Yes. I'm not hearing anything about him personally. True.

Thanks, you're cool. Abby, what kind of occupation are you interested in? Dating. I seem to have the habit of dating doctors in training.

Oh. Doctors in training. In training. Okay, so they're not officially a doctor. Would they be hard to date? Those very, very busy people they work extremely long hours,

you know. You'd think. But they don't. Really? They say that, but they don't. Right, okay. Some of them find time. Right. Is it the ginormous student loans that you're attracted to?

Oh, tell me about it. No. Is it the fact that they'll be like a doctor and that's kind of hot? That's never really played into it. Is it the fact that they are, you know, on the- It's never gone out and gone, oh, I want to date a doctor. It's always been like, oh, this is a really interesting person.

What are you studying? They're like, oh, I'm going to be a doctor next year. It's like, oh, shit, another one. Again, another one. You're like, oh. Are they real judgy with, like, your health? You're like, I've always thought that. What if you dated a gynecologist?

And then real judgy with your vagina? Yeah. Like, they pause for a moment. Flange, if you're dating a gynecologist and they're judgy about your vagina, I think we've got a range of questions we need to answer. My God, if they paused, I'd be like, what is a good pause, bad pause, what's happening? I know. Exactly.

They'd be down there and then they'd be like, this is just reminding me about something at work today. This 84-year-old woman came in. You'd be like, no! This is our time. But at least if you got sick or something, they can help you out, right? Well, exactly. And that's what my mum uses him for.

Yeah. What is your mum like? Bring him over for dinner and then has a check-up or something? I get emails. Hey, Abby, can you get your boyfriend to look over this MRI scan for me? I'm really concerned about these shadows. Shouldn't the doctor ordering the MRI Be capable of reading an MRI Rather than the training doctor

The shadows Oh I don't know I'm thinking about this But there's some shadows on here Now is he in my kidneys Or I'm dead Thanks you all Maybe I'm going to need you

To a date in Obama Actually Laurie Laurie you did date A gynecologist Oh my god Yeah I did. And did you get good reviews about down there? Well, yeah.

I knew it looked great and everything but I just couldn't. I found out after a couple of dates that that's what he did and I was like oh God. But look at it this way. He sees lots and he chose yours to frequent. Yeah, maybe. I just couldn't get past it. We had sex once and then I was like he chose yours to frequent. Well, yeah, maybe.

I just couldn't get past it. We had sex once and then I was like, I can't do this. I can't do it. What, did he not know his way around it? I feel like I was giving him an inspection or something. I don't know. He was just weird. A warrant of fitness out of the VTNZ. In their underneats, they've got the torch up.

He's in the pit looking up. Oh, yeah. So can you press the brakes? Should be right for a couple more, but... You can get a couple of seals replaced down here. Something's leaking. I think it's coolant. Oh, no.

Holy shit. You just couldn't. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about Michael Jordan. You know the basketball player? Yes. Number 23. Yep. Took 23. Yep.

Took a shot there. Took a shot. I don't know what it is. It's 23. It is. It's 23. MJ, the Air Jordans. He's the Jordan.

He's the Jordan of Air Jordan. He's the Jordan. I mean, for basketball and show fans, these are all run-of-the-mill facts. Jesus. Is it his net worth? Do you know how much he's worth? He was the first individual athlete

in history to become a billionaire, right? Wow. Yeah, 1.65 billion. Well, I'm assuming he gets a cut of every Air Jordan anything, right? It's his name. It's his name. 1.65 billion US dollars,

Forbes said in 2018. That is insane. He ranks 10th among the NBA players with the most championships. 6-1 in total. Who's the first in that list? You don't have the rest of that list, do you? No. It's just Wikipedia.

Okay. That'll do for me. Today's fact of the day about Michael Jordan, though, is about his brothers. He's got two brothers. He's got two is about his brothers. He's got two brothers. He's got two sisters as well, but he's got two brothers. One of them's name is Larry. Yeah. That's not the fact.

Larry Jordan. Yep, Larry Jordan. And James Jordan Jr., named after his father, who was shot dead, by the way. And sort of this big mystery, who killed him. But today's fact of the day is about Larry and James. Michael Jordan, 6'4.5", tall dude. What's that? 1.98 metres.

Larry Jordan, 5'5". James Jordan Jr., 5'4". How tall are you, Megan? 5'6". With heels or without? Without. Without. Without.

Without. So even smaller than you Shorter than you But you're average height I'm pretty short So he's 6 foot 4 and a half They've all got the same parents Yeah

And they're little But they're 5 foot 4 5 and 5 foot 4 And he's 6 foot 4 Little brothers And apparently his brother Larry Was amazing And could slam dunk

5 foot 5 And he can slam dunk. Yeah, I Googled him and he's done like dunking videos on YouTube. Has he used one of those little trampolines? No. Oh. Just springy ankles? Same.

I don't know what's involved in a big jump. Is it mostly in the ankles? Is it the springy ankles? It's mostly in the shoes, I think. Yeah, with the special springs. Springy shoes. But like same mum and dad. Apparently.

How does that happen? You can be that tall and your brothers can be that short. And it's always an awkward thing if someone looks way different to their siblings. You're always like, well, who's your dad? I know, it's an awkward thing to say, are you guys full siblings? Or is no mum been? Here's a picture of Michael and Larry together. Oh my God, he's leaning right down.

He's leaning over to get a photo with him. He would fit under his armpit. Yeah, he would. He'd actually be able to rest his arm on top of his head. But he said in the little speech, it was his induction to the Basketball Hall of Fame that I watched where he talked about his brothers. He said that he would not be as good at basketball

if it wasn't for his brother because his brother was so scrappy Oh yeah, like a, okay It made him work harder And if he'd had his height, he would have been the world's best basketball player, he said High praise Or short praise, whatever Praise

Medium size praise Little fella, eh? Whatever praise you want there, little fella Little tap on the head, little man So today's fact of the day is Michael Jordan has two brothers that are 5'5 and 5'4. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Supermarkets, I went to one yesterday

and maybe you've been to one lately too Which makes this a relatable talk topic to discuss now Because we all know supermarkets We've all been to one Whether it be a little wee one Or a big, big one Yep Or one in between

Okay I went to one yesterday August and I took on the weekly shop for the Smiths. Shard A and Indy remained at home. Is that dangerous? You just leave the kids at home when you're young? Now, I've learned the trick. You don't take both.

Yeah. Because they get each other. They're banned together. Yeah. And start demanding lollies and treats. But you give them like tasks. Like if it's just Indy, she's a bit of a runner. So I'll be like, okay, go and find that milk.

Right. And she'll bring it back. She's like, this is the milk we have. Yeah, or go and find that. Remember, do you remember what the one we get looks like? And then she's like, yep. And it's like a scavenger hunt. So that's good for her, but August isn't the family runner.

She's a sitter, like her father. Yeah. And so you've got to play games with her. Like you pull up to the Aisle of stuff And you're like Which one do we get? And she like

Oh points And she finds it And you tell her Okay keep an eye out for this one Because I don't know Where they keep these Right I do know where they keep them

Spoiler alert Yeah And get her to Do those sorts of games So this I read an article about How to Just some little bits and pieces

To help you save a bit of money at supermarkets. Because they're designed to get us to spend more, aren't they? And trap us into buying a whole lot of stuff. Yeah. So one of the big ones, I didn't know this is why this was the case, but they put the produce first. Yeah.

So that you are like, I am doing so well. Lettuce. Tomatoes. Capsicum. Carr well. Lettuce. Tomatoes. Capsicum. Carrots. Gosh, look at me go. Well, that's enough of that. Where are the bickies?

Why? And then you go on to your other things. So it's like you've had this salad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. I've been so good. Now it's time for a shopping treat. So the first part of a supermarket is like Monday, really, after a weekend.

Yeah, yeah, you push through. You're like, I'm doing so well, I've done great. And then Tuesday's cereal aisle. Yep. You might pick up a couple of dubious cereals that you think, these have got to be healthy, but then you look at the sugar content and you're like, whoa. And then Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, it's all just chocolates and biscuits.

Yeah, exactly, for the rest of the supermarket trip. So that's one of them. You know, stick to doing good or something. One of them is also using the smaller trolley, which I always go for a half trolley. Yeah, the half trolley's great. I just like a half trolley because if you've got a bigger trolley, you're more likely to want to fill it.

It's the same with eating. If you're trying to cut down on serving size, you just start eating off a smaller plate because it's that mental idea of having a full plate. Yeah. Good. Yeah, so if you make a smaller trolley, you're less likely to trolley. But I always get a basket and then I end up like carrying things in my hands.

You've got a basket on each arm and they're so heavy, it's like cutting into your elbow. You're like, ah! I personally believe those express lanes should be open to any person who's willing to shop without a trolley. So even if you've got a hundred items, but you're holding them in your arms, you should be allowed to use express lanes. Because you've done well. Because I told you about the argument I had with the lady about the law of averages on the express lanes. I bet you did.

Because I said, last time I went through with three things. So this time I should be allowed to go through with like 18. So it averages out that my usage is about 12. She wasn't having any of that. Another one, the classic my mum always said, you stick to the list. You don't deviate from the list.

But then you remember you needed something. So I'm always going off list. Play specials at the end of aisles, don't they, as well to get you into those. Another thing they do like that is if something's like limit three per customer, you get a bit panicky.

Or if things are on the end of the aisle and half of it's gone, it might have only ever been half stocked. Right, okay. And because when something's like limit two per customer, everyone's like, well, I might probably just get two of those.

Oh, have to get two of them. Because they're limited. Panic buying. Yeah. And you end up buying the more expensive version when there's a cheaper one. Yeah, right. And that's the other thing is, you know, sometimes it'll be like price per 100 grams or price per kilo.

And it's inconsistent. Yes. It's to baffle you. Right. They do that deliberately. Yeah. Yeah. I always find it's easy to just, you just move

the decimal place. Not everyone's great at maths. You just move the decimal place. Right. I don't know which way and how many ways to move it. Right. Okay. Well, this is $10 for 100 grams, but this is 10 cents for 100 grams. I don't know that right.

I've moved the decimal place too many places. But that's, I always get really annoyed with that. There's got to be some sort of consistent, either do it by 100 grams or by kilo.

It doesn't matter which one you do it by, just do all of them by that. So they deliberately do that to baffle us. To baffle us. Cheeky buggers. What they didn't count on

is somebody moving the decimal place. But again, we're unsure which way which way and how far to move it I don't know you're going to need

a mathematician on the team for that one so there's a little bit of few tips to help you there at the supermarket

yep okay took my own bags to the supermarket yesterday god you feel like some sort of bloody dolphin

rescuer don't you actually I don't need to protest the Japanese I took my own bags to the supermarket. Okay? So, I've done my part.

A Scandinavian study has been done and women who work around sexy men are probably going to be healthier than women who don't. And again, we said it before, but we'll attribute your good health to working with us, really. Constantly on a diet.

So these different studies for men and women, or do women first. So women are more likely to eat healthily, eat salads, rather than, you know, like fast food and burgers and fries. Yeah. Once they, when they were shown pictures of attractive men. So are you talking like, say they went on a date, they'd just go for a salad? If you were sitting beside a hot guy, if you went on a date with a hot guy, if you were working around hot men,

if you see hot men, you're more likely to opt for a salad. Whereas if you're at a restaurant and you sit down and the table next to you are just fatties, you're just about, oh, I'll get burgers too. So yeah, and they attribute that to because, like, it's supposed to be more attractive for women to eat smaller, low-calorie meals than it is to, like, chow down on a burger. Now, the opposite is not the same.

They found when they exposed men to attractive women, they just wanted to spend a lot of money. So that would be healthy or unhealthy. They just wanted to spend a lot of money. So that would be healthy or unhealthy. They just wanted to buy expensive meals. So women want to have healthy, low calorie, and men just want to spend. But that's why, because they're saving money, because she's only getting a garden salad,

so he can have the big steak. Yeah. So, yeah, the study has said when it comes to, like, fast food, fast food outlets should be wary of hiring good-looking guys because when women go there, they're probably not going to come back and they probably won't spend as much money as they would have. That's probably why I couldn't get that job at McDonald's or Burger King or KFC. Boy, that's because you were eating it all.

You were picking little chips out before you gave people their meals. Been like, one for me. And there you go. There you go, yeah. So physically attractive men, good for like health and beauty products and for like health foods. Yeah. Healthy things.

And attractive women are just good if you want guys to spend money. If you saw a hot chick at the counter, you just don't want to seem like a tie-dye. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, okay, that works. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. The podcast. For more, catch them every weekday from 6. New weekday, look a weekday.

ZDM.