ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - April 11 2018

Episode Date: April 10, 2018

Vaughan was in a Supermarket lock down, shocking revaluations for Producer Anya and Fortnite and when did an insect trap you?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to Spark, get even more data with their prepaid rollover packs. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Thank you, Anya. Auckland Airport's open now. It was shut last night. A couple of the girls in the office stuck in Christchurch after they tried to land in Wellington.

Oh, bugger that. And they witnessed people fighting over mattresses in Christchurch because people were going to have to stay the night at the airport. It's nice if Christchurch Airport has a few mattresses on the ready. I know. It's like mum. She's always got a couple of mattresses, a couple of squabs. And you had to shower at work today.

I did, yeah. We lost power last night at about 9 o'clock and haven't got it back and apparently might not be getting it back until 6 o'clock this evening. Right. Is that when you get your voice back as well? Hopefully, yeah. Victor will be restoring my voice at some stage this afternoon. Had a big oak tree go through it last night.

And just on the Commonwealth Games with one gold overnight, fourth on the table still, nine golds. 69 point something metres for the hammer throw. I can't even throw a tennis ball that far. Seriously. I've never known how far people throw the hammer. That's the spinning round bommie knocker, right? It's the ball with the string on it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That heavy chain ball. That's a phenomenal length. That's over half a rugby field. You think of an Olympic-sized swimming pool. They hifted that and then some. And then a little bit more, yeah. So nine golds, ten silvers, seven bronze eyes.

26 in total. So yeah, we are, just like yesterday, behind Australia, England and India. I think we're doing very well. South Africa have nine golds, so too. Yesterday on the show, it's time for a correction. Yesterday on the show, we said it's nuts that there's no sevens at the Commonwealth Games. Turns out there is. They just don't run every single thing at once.

It starts this Friday, apparently. That's good. That's more medals for us, hopefully. Is it? I'm sorry. Because we thought we were a shoo-in at the Olympics, didn't we? Yeah. God, Nigeria have got four golds.

What do they get those in? Tracking field. It would be tracking field, wouldn't it? You are so mean to Nigeria. What are they for, do you know? It will definitely be running events. And that's not racist because it's a compliment. What Fletch said was racist.

What Fletch said was generalising with the scamming. Right. Not all Nigerians are running diamond scams. We're all looking for a Nigerian prince. We are. That'll give us a million dollars. Must be a huge royal family. Always getting announced from different ones.

All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. All right, story time. Three news headlines for three interesting, weird, unusual news stories. Vaughan and Megan, you've got to pick one story out of the three headlines. Headline one, expensive rain. Headline two, drunk mayor with Japanese sword and handgun takes on freedom campers. This is not a New Zealand story, by the way.

And headline three, man denies shooting off own testicle with sawn-off shotgun. How would you just take one off with a sawn-off? They're fairly scattershot. Yeah. You'd have to be sort of a surgeon with a sawn-off to get one testicle. You'd have to be pretty close. Yeah. Can you imagine?

I feel like two and three kind of. Self-explanatory. Self-explanatory. I do love that a Japanese mayor's got a sword. Did you say he was drunk? And not Japanese. He had a Japanese sword. Oh. This is was drunk? Not, and not Japanese. He had a Japanese sword. Oh.

This is a story from America. Oh, I just assumed. Yeah. And I, man, I've got to stop with the assumptions today. Yeah.

Maybe. Did you say expensive rain? Expensive rain. Yeah. I vote story one. Okay, go one. Okay,

we go to Cleveland now in America and the I-71 was on Monday raining $100 bills. Now, nobody knows exactly where these came from, but it appears that the $100 bills were flying out of the open passenger side window of a car driving west on the I-71, showering the asphalt, as some people describe, like the stage at a strip club.

Wow. With $100 bills. And then that's when the problem started, people stopping their cars to pick up the money. Yeah. Because you would, wouldn't you? Of course you would.

I mean, even if you're on a motorway or a freeway, if it was raining money, would you get out and have a go? I'd put my hazard lights on and I'd pump the brakes in a slow stop. Yeah. Well, probably a fast stop because you don't want to fly through the part where the money's falling. Right.

That's really all there is to this story at the moment. I've just looked up the Cleveland scene. Must be the local newspaper. Yeah, okay. And all these people were tweeting saying, yeah, the road was covered in money. I would never have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself. Everyone was stopping to pick up the dollar bills, $100 bills blowing in the breeze. I know, yeah, the road was covered in money. I would never have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself. Everyone was stopping to pick up the dollar bills, $100 bills blowing in the breeze.

I know, crazy, right? Oh, he definitely would. That's a bank robbery or something, isn't it? But they haven't reported that there was a bank robbery at the time. If the mint, the place that prints the money and the coins and everything, I mean, they have to transport the money around. Yeah, but those people are professionals. They're not doing it transport the money around. Yeah, but they're not... Those people are professionals. They're not doing it with the window down.

Yeah, in the front seat. Normally in an armoured truck. Have you seen those armoured trucks in America? Yeah, they're pretty legit. They're the ones you see in the movies. Yeah, I was going to say, I've seen enough movies involving armoured trucks. Yeah.

So they still don't know where it came from? No. Do people have to give the money back? Well, it doesn't sound like it. No one's come forward. I think if you're losing open, you know, $100 bills out of an open window driving along, you're not legit, eh? Like that's drug money or something.

You're not coming forward to say, hey, can you give it back? It's a weird one. Hi, I'm a hardworking drug dealer and I've accidentally let hundreds of $100 bills blow around. If anyone could just return that, that'd be great. Thank you. Yeah, no, you're going to let them. It's a nice play, but it's not working, is it? No.

Never happened to me, and I can safely say it never will, but you two are going to feel sorry for this 70-year-old man. Okay. He was in Hollywood, and the urban search and rescue unit responded to a call for help from this guy. So he's 70 years old. He was outside the Hollywood Presbyterian Medical Centre and he obviously had a wee sit down around 3 o'clock in the afternoon on a park bench.

You need a sit down when you're that old because you've got to have lots of rests. Maybe he'd just been to see the doctor. I don't know. And I don't know before you ask what he was wearing. Right. Around three o'clock in the afternoon, the 70-year-old man had a sit down on a park bench and that's when his testicles got stuck between the slats.

Oh. Hangy, hangy balls. So I can tell you what he wasn't wearing. Soft and like slipped through. Underwear. He wasn't wearing underwear, was he? It always amazes me how things will go through. Like, can I understand a head?

Because you put your head through bars and your ears act like a gaff. Yep. And you can't get your head back. There's no gaff aspect to a ball. No. Do they just relax and kind of like slip through? And then when you're trying to like pull, pull, pull, it just... I'm very surprised the balls went through slats and it wouldn't come back through. You'd just squish them through, then when you're trying to pull, pull, pull, it just... I'm very surprised the balls went through slats

and it wouldn't come back through. You'd just squish them through, wouldn't you? Yeah. Or maybe he panicked. And they turned sideways because testicles are sort of egg-shaped. And maybe he couldn't reach around the bench to then

reshuffle, reorientate the testicles. Or, you know, when you sit on the bench and it might kind of make the slats go apart. Oh, and then when he stood up and then when he sat when he went to stand up, the kind of the tension comes off the wood.

That's likely. And the gap shuts. Yeah. Yeah. So you would be pleased to know that firefighters did free him. He was taken straight to the hospital, kind of distressed. But I think... What, did they cut the seat? I'd say so. Because, I mean, at that age, you'd almost say, like,

we don't want to have to replace this park bench. Can we just cut the balls instead? Like, what are you going to do with them? I mean, you're always sitting on them and getting them trapped places. But what was he wearing? Like, little running shorts? Must have just been wearing shorty shorts with no undies. Or a kilt.

Or a kilt, sure. Might have been at a Scottish Heritage Day. Yeah, okay. Things sag when you get older, don't they? Not. I hope for his sake it was a very thin slat. And that would explain your theory of the bend in the slat. I was one of those thick park benches.

So it was balls kind of like... Wormed their way through two and a half inches of wood. Yeah, I don't have any photos to confirm. You don't have any photos or ball sag stats? You looked for photos, though, didn't you? Just briefly. Just a quick Google. Quick Google.

If you like a cashie, and by that I don't mean taking something that you stole into cash converters. I mean a cashie as in I'll come round and build you a fence and you just put cash straight in my hand. Right, I'm not. Just for the record, you're not building a fence for me. It'd be wonky. There'll be some fences needing built around the place after last night's storm. There'll definitely be some fence fixing.

So the old cashie, it's a tradie favourite. And under the table, they call it an under the table job. Yep, yep. No receipt, no GST paid, and no tax, of course, because it's hard to trace. Babysitting. Babysitting for cash. You do this, Caitlin. I mean, you've, what?

For cash? But no, it's different. What I'm about to talk about isn't your average babysitter. This is registered companies doing cashies. So like tradies who are registered companies but also rock some cashies.

But Caitlin should still be paying tax. Yeah, I do. But you don't have to pay tax on babysitting jobs. You're supposed to. Really? Yeah.

Any form of income. What did it Oh, God. Any form of income. What did it used to be? Any form of income over $80, but that dropped. I don't know. Because it used to be, you used to be able

to do a paper run and not have to pay tax on it because it was just like, you know, good on you. So when my auntie paid me 20 bucks to do an ironing,

I didn't have to pay tax on that? You should have. Probably not back in the day, but it's been clamped down on. Well, it's about to get even harder because the IRD, the URD. The URD. The URD. Who don't just email you asking for your bank details, by the way.

That's an email scam. No, that's a scam. From Nigeria. They are upgrading their entire system. Yeah. And there are going to be artificial intelligence cash job hunting robots. Robots! Well, yeah, I like to imagine it's like the Terminator.

And he turns up on your door and he's like, you'll do the cashie. Pay your tax. But no, it's going to go through and apparently just scan constantly be scanning your accounts. And it will be able to tell. I don't know how it's going to be able to tell.

The example used is like a coffee place. Yeah. So if they're spending so much on buying coffee, but then they're not getting as much in, there's a gap there. And what does that gap account for? Did you drop a huge bag of coffee, or have you been giving coffee cashies?

Or have you been putting cash in your pocket and not accounting for it? Yeah, so we middle pay with cash and not with the EFTPOS. You just put it in your pocket and you're like, well, write that one off. Now, you'd probably have to be doing that on a fairly large scale, I'd imagine.

Yeah. You'd probably have to be really, you'd probably have to be the owner as well because you'd be fired if you were just putting the cash in your pocket. This is going to make my car wash that I laundunder my drug money through really difficult to operate now. I know, I know. I'm going to have to come up with a new way to launder my meth money.

Yeah. But that's the way the world's going, isn't it? Well, yeah, it's just moving towards a cashless society. People are still very much all about cash, you can tell they just don't like paying tax. They try to, oh, I don't like too many people to know where my money's at. It's like, no, you don't want to pay tax. That's what the story is.

So if you've got any cashies, I'd say get them done. I mean, don't do them. Ellie Thompson is one of the Bachelorettes from Season 3 of The Bachelor New Zealand. So, Zach Franich's season. Now, she's got a blog and she has revealed some pretty upsetting claims about last season. Right. So, she said, you might remember the Bachelorettes went to Thailand with Zach. And she said it was when they were in Thailand that her

and Claudia were banned from having dessert because they told them that they had gained a couple of kilos. Wait a minute, what was her name? Ellie Thompson. I can't remember them all. So I'm pretty sure Ellie was one of the ones who went overseas

to America to do the like bachelor they had do the Bachelor. They had the Olympics. Oh, the Winter Games. Yeah, the Winter Games. Winter Games of Bachelor. Bachelor Winter Games. Yeah.

So she said she already had pretty low self-esteem. Oh, my God. She's tiny. Yeah. But regardless, you still can't tell someone that you can't eat dessert if they're tiny or not. They probably could tell me, because they'd witness me on an open breakfast buffet, because my rule is if breakfast is included,

you include some breakfast. Yeah. They'd be like, Vaughan, mate. I've got to have a big breakfast. Come on. Yeah, but then you've got the pool photo shoot later, Vaughan. You can't be at breakfast buffeting now. Oh, crap.

I am here for cereal, hot, at least one visit to the omelette station. Yeah. I'm hitting the toast as well because there's fruit toast and I love fruit toast and marmalade. And then I'm going to the Danish cabinet. That's how I rock the buffet breakfast, baby. So she said, we got banned from eating desserts. I started to feel really self-conscious.

Me and Claudia were called in to hear and make up. They told us we needed to watch our weight because a couple of kilos weight gain looked like 20 kgs on TV. I was a size 8 at the time. She said I probably had gained a bit of weight but me and Claudia were both still slim. Yep.

TV, eh? Ruthless. Just, and the producers with those reality TV series have a lot to answer for, I think. They don't say a name of a specific person that said it? No names. Okay, no names. I'm surprised she's even allowed to say that.

Wouldn't she have signed a thing to say, shut your mouth? I don't know. Shut your mouth when you leave the show? But for how long? Maybe it's expired. I was going to say, would that have been a year ago? Must be getting close. Yeah, I'd say so.

Because she's had time to go overseas and do the Bachelor Winter Games. Yeah, maybe the NDA or whatever it is. It's lifted. Yeah, it's expired. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello, welcome to today's Top Six. Brought to you by throat lozenges. News that China could be building a military base in Vanuatu.

Kind of a good spot for control of the Pacific. Yeah. And us. Oh, what have we done? I thought we were all... We're real cute down here, I know. We're all greasing them with so much milk and butter. Yeah. We're all right with China at the moment.

The United States, though, not all right with China on the trade front. No. And they're a little bit worried about this, about the island of Vanuatu becoming a Chinese military base. Because the Chinese have given them a whole lot of money and they've built a whole lot of flash buildings. Yes. Which brings us nicely to number six in the top six things China should build in Vanuatu instead of a military base.

Number six, strong infrastructure that small Pacific islands like this regularly lose in tropical cyclones. Because that's the thing, remember Vanuatu got smashed a couple of years ago. And the recovery time's huge for a small place with a small economy. So you imagine some hot rich guy comes into town and he's like I want to build you a power grid baby. Oh I'd let him build me a power grid. Build me anything.

I want to pave you some sweet roads sweetheart. Done. Done. I want to build you a effective sewage system sweetheart. Yeah good. Okay done. Okay I'll let you do it for me that was so easy

I want to build a big military base so I can launch war on other parts of the world should it come to that okay wait what was that last one

don't worry about it you'll agree to it number five on the list of the top six things China should build in Vanuatu instead of military base a wavy cat factory

I would tour the hell out of that factory when I was in Vanuatu. I would love to go to a wavy cat factory. It would be as cute as, wouldn't it? So we went to that restaurant and they had a whole wall of them, eh? Do you remember that? Insanely. I was just mesmerised. And they were synced.

Yeah. That was my, that impressed me the most. The wavy cats were synced. They were synced. Because how do impressed me the most. The wavy cats were synced. They were synced. How do you do that? That must be hard. They've got to be all getting new batteries at the same time. No, they don't need batteries.

Wavy cats. No. A good perpetual wavy cat definitely needs batteries. Oh, I thought they were just done by motion. Oh, like momentum. Yeah, momentum. One push and it powers itself forever. That's a perpetual motion machine.

You've defied the laws of physics. Oh, really? Okay. Yeah, it's definitely powers itself forever. That's a perpetual motion machine. You've defied the laws of physics. Oh, really? Okay. Yeah, it's definitely a proper forever. You can get one that waves and it'll slow down and it'll run out. But that was definitely a battery powered wavy cat. Right, okay. They were all in sync.

They got flipped on either all at the same time by all of the employees with one in each hand. Yeah. Or they switched them on individually and synced them. Amazing. I think we're thinking about this way too much. But I just imagine outside this wavy cat tree. Okay, wavy cat tree fact. Wavy cat factory.

Yeah. Is just the biggest wavy cat you can say. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you can almost see it from space. Yeah. That would be so legit. Almost the size of the entire island of Vanuatu. Speaking of using the entire island of Vanuatu,

number four on the list of the top six things China should build in Vanuatu instead of a military base is a real-life Fortnite island. For players of Fortnite. Okay. A big island. Right. You parachute in.

And you... Fight to the death. Yeah, and a storm closes in. Paintballs, probably. Not real bullets. But this is China, and they've got a pretty sketchy human rights record. So, and a storm closes in. Paintballs probably, not real bullets, but this is China and they've got a pretty sketchy human rights record,

so it'd be real bullets. Number three on the list of the top six things China should build in Vanuatu instead of a military base, a huge wall. They have the experience. They do, yeah.

They've built the biggest wall of all time and that would really get Trump going. Doing what he said he was going to do before he did it. Yeah. Ooh. China built a wall. That'd really get him going. Doing what he said he was going to do before he did it. Yeah. Oh, Jaina built a wall.

That'd really get him going. It would. Number two on the list, a giant statue of Prince Philip. I don't know if you guys remember this, but there's a tribe in Vanuatu that worship Prince Philip. That's right. They believe he's the reincarnation of an ancient Vanuatu god. Did he just go there earlier this week or like last week before the Commonwealth Games? Prince Philip,

not Prince Charles. Oh, Prince Philip's not travelling. Prince Charles did, yeah, that's right. Not very well. Maybe I'm thinking of the Crown. Was that on the episode

of the Crown? Yeah, he went there. He went there, yeah. And like got boozed. They love him. I don't know what he did. He threw a party there, didn't he?

Like when he was on tour back in the day. Yeah, I think so. I mean my facts are all from the crown as well so. Yeah that's enough that's all it takes. And the number one thing that China should build in Vanuatu instead of a military base is a world class yum cha

restaurant because A. You'd be there. Yum cha is delicious. Yep. B. Steamed pork buns are better than war. That's a fact. Yep. Yes. That's a fact. That's a fact. You talk to anybody who's been to war and had a steamed pork bun, I guarantee any of them would put another

steamed pork bun over another war. Most definitely. C. The beach isn't for everybody, so give them the option of eating dumplings. And D. I don't know if I've already said this, but yum char is delicious. That's today's top six. FEMC. This happened in America. A Michigan resident has been I've already said this, but yum char is delicious. That's today's top six. This happened in America.

A Michigan resident has been told off for a misuse of the emergency call system. Right. 911. Yeah. Now, it doesn't say if it's male or female, so we'll just say a caller made a call to the police asking for assistance in killing a spider. So this happened like a few days ago. What, so they got trapped by a spider

and couldn't get... And were like asking for assistance. Can the police please come over? I need someone who can kill this spider for me. So they got told off, but then also a police officer was sent over and they said that the police officer couldn't find the arachnid upon their arrival. In all seriousness, if the police wanted to curry favour with people,

they could have an insect killing department. Well, they've got them pest control, don't they? No, because pest control, they come over and they fumigate and that. But I'm talking a one-off. A one-off squash. Yeah. Or capture. No, but they don't have time for that.

Well, no, that's what I'm saying. Like, get a whole department. You would dedicate a small force. Right. To just quick eliminate. They'd almost be on the road constantly and just ready for the next call. Right. Cruise in, squash the spider.

Get out. Or just take the spider and release it somewhere else. Right. You'd think there'd be a demand for that. Huge demand. Especially in summer with white tails in New Zealand. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

But you can't call them for flies. There'd be certain rules. Right. There'd be certain rules. Cockroaches, yes. One hundred. But then cockroaches, they'll be gone. They're like a slippery perp.

They'll be gone by the time the cops get there. Their spiders are a little bit more chill. Just don't disturb them. I always get stuck because I don't want to squish it. I don't want to touch it. But I can't leave and let it walk around because I don't know where it's going to go. Yeah, you put a jar over it. Yeah.

And then I make Andrew do it. But then he doesn't like doing it either. He gets a bit like... So that's how a spider could get both of you paralysed in your home. Yeah. With fear. Just corner you. Corner you both. Be on the only door of their bedroom.

And then they'll be hostages. No way would I walk out that door. If it was dangling on its web in the middle of the door, would either of you leave? What about if you crawled under it? He might in desperation. I wouldn't. I don't go near it because I don't know how fast they move. You go near it

and it's like... There was a dangly spider, quite a sizable dangly spider in our house once. And I thought what I'll do is I'll hold the jar underneath it and I'll cut the web. Well, joke was on me. With scissors? Yeah, because I cut the web and then the web stuck to the stickers. Yeah. And I pulled it away. I pulled the scissors away

and then I was like, it's... And then it went Indiana Jones around the web went around my arm and the spider landed on me. And that's how you became Spider-Man. Correct. Correct, yes. Because it bit you and you have spidey powers. Yeah, that's pretty much how it went down. No, it touched me. I squealed

and shook it off and then caught it. Because I don't mind them. I'm not scared of them, but that doesn't mean I, it touched me. I squealed. Yeah, I was about to say I can imagine you. And shook it off and then caught it because I don't mind them and I'm not scared of them but that doesn't mean I want them on me. Yeah, could we take some calls anybody listening now that has been trapped

by a tiny insect i.e. a spider? Or a cockroach. Like maybe you literally like Megan you can't move so you have to call somebody for help.

I can't leave the room I've got to keep eyes on it but I don't want to kill it. There's not many insects, spiders. Oh, chuck them outside. Cockroaches are yuck. You squish. Oh, I can survive a nuclear apocalypse. It's like, alright mate, get out of the

house then. If you can survive a nuclear apocalypse, you don't need to be indoors. Can you survive my shoe? Can you please survive by the letterbox or somewhere away from the house? Yucky. Internanya. Yes.

At our old flat, we had this one night, me and my boyfriend in the bathroom had a debacle with a cockroach. And it was, you know, that towel rails, like the lower towel like hangs down kind of on the floor a little bit. So he was hiding behind there and we like pulled it up. And then he bloody darted across the other side of the bathroom and then flew. So we were just screaming.

I only just found out that flying cockroaches even exist. It was a harrowing discovery, let me tell you. So how did you both handle that? We were both on the bed screaming and then had like a gender equality debate about who should pick it up. This is your job and he's like, equal rights! It was all go. should pick it up. And I was like, this is your job. And he's like,

equal rights. It was all go. Who picked it up? Me. I know. Yuck. But so you were trapped on your bed.

Yeah, we both, it was like, at least like midnight and we both refused to go to sleep until we knew it was dead or out. Like the worst episode

of Survivor. Yeah. You were trapped on a bed rather than an island. And he like, didn't want to deal with it, but didn't want to kill it. I don't like killing them either. Oh, no, cockroaches I'll kill. Spiders, if they're white-tailed, I'll kill them.

But if they're just an average spider who's just wandered into a house. Just chilling. Yeah. They're okay. I won't kill them. Do you know the worst is the crickets? Because you go to get them and they jump all up in your grill. Also, the little black ones?

Yeah. For, they're everywhere and there's heaps of them but have you ever watched one try to like escape? It doesn't have a plan. How does it,

how have they evolved to be so sporadic? Like, a cockroach runs. It runs for cover every single time. It'll nip down a crack. Yeah.

These things are just like, bleh, bleh, just like a panicky. They've got the ability, if they put their mind to it for a couple of good swift jumps, they'd get it, but they,

like, splot to the side. They're useless. I was watching one trying to escape our cat the other day. Had no plan. How in God's name are they still around? I don't know. They should be on the list of creatures that were extinct

because they were stupid up there with the dodo. All right, 0800-DONES-AT-M, 9696. Give us a call or text us right now when you've been trapped by an insect. And bonus points if it was your partner and you had to save them. We're talking about when you've been trapped by a small insect because a resident in Michigan was trapped by

a spider called the police. The police actually went, told them off, but then went and the spider was nowhere to be found. And so this poor I was going to say woman, but we don't know the gender. This poor man or woman was just stuck there in the corner of their living

room because the spider was there. We mentioned spiders, we mentioned cockroaches, but I would say we've had more messages, more text messages, than about moths. Oh no! No, no, no. Who wants to fan about those? Flying little dusty devils.

No, no, no, no. What? Flying little dusty devils. I hate those. My wife's terrified of moths and butterflies. She doesn't like anything with flappy wings. I don't like butterflies either. Remember someone told me to butterfly creep? They were all up in my grill.

We took you to the butterfly in Dunedin at the museum, which I love. Yeah, and they land on your arm. Oh, my God, it's amazing. Megan was just squealing and kids were laughing at it. Spiders with coloured flappy bits. I know, it's a. Megan was just squealing and kids were laughing at it. Those are little spiders with coloured flappy bits. I know, it's a spider that's got a good marketing campaign. Yeah, the little creepy legs crawl on you? No.

Okay, so you look horrendous. Let's give you some beautiful, colourful wings. Yeah. So we want to know when a tiny, small insect has trapped you. Laura, what happened? Oh, hey, I used to live in Australia, so I've been trapped by insects, but mostly cockroaches.

Okay. I got trapped in my kitchen one day, so I opened my cutlery drawer and there was a massive cockroach like the size of my pinky finger. So, first instinct, I just grabbed a knife and hacked it to pieces.

Your first instinct? Yeah. To hack it. I had to first instinct. Yeah. I had to get rid of it. I've always wondered if my immediate reflex is fight or flight and I always think I'd be a flyer. But you're a fighter. Mostly I fly but that day I had to fly.

Then you've got cockroach guts in your cutlery drawer. Yeah, I think I sprayed it with really strong cleaner and left it for a bit and then I cleaned everything in my cutlery drawers. Put it all through the... Well, not only are you a fighter, you're very hygienic. Yeah, that's true.

And very clean. Dirty little buggers. Robin, when were you trapped by something tiny and small? I was trapped in my bedroom by a praying mantis. How long? How long? About 45 minutes until my partner came home. No, but they're scary.

They all sit there with their hands together going, wow. They're ready. Yeah, and they look at you with their little googly eyes. Because I was, my kids, I don't want my kids to be scared of insects. I always had a shout out, you can't react to them

because the kids then think it's, you know, they won't be scared of. It was a praying mantis and it was a big one. It had a fat butt on it. Yeah. I think that means it's about to lay eggs. There's no need to fat shame a praying mantis. It was like, no, because the rest of it was very slim.

It was kind of like your Cardi B or Nicki Minaj. It's had implants. It felt like it. Or it was about to have babies. Now, it was a big sucker. And I said to the girls, don't be scared of it. Look at this. And I put my finger out and it went, ha-chunk, and like

hocked in and I was like, see? I didn't get scared of it at all. But they don't bite, do they, Robin? I don't know. This one did. But it didn't hurt. It hurt. It tickled. You definitely knew it was doing it. Oh, get out of here.

Have you ever seen one turn a monarch butterfly caterpillar inside out? No. They're monsters. Prime matters are absolutely monsters. Alright, Robin,

thanks for your call. Some other text messages in. Somebody said, my mother's terrified of moths. She's in her 60s now, but her best moth story was when she was driving along the motorway

and a moth magically appeared on her dashboard and she crashed her car and rode it off. Again, unpredictable though. And then they leave a little trail of dustiness and no, all up in your face. Someone said,

in Australia, I found a tickle on my face in the middle of the night. No, don't tell me it was a huntsman. It was. Tried to swipe it away and it moved. I was like, uh-oh, I'm in trouble now.

And I slowly stood up, looked in the mirror and saw a huntsman spider right on my face. Oh, wow. Why do people live in Australia? Everything's out to get you. Bumblebees. I didn't even know people would be schooled.

The humble bumble. I love bumblebees. They're my fave. I'm okay with them. I'm absolutely terrified of it. One flew into my house and I ran away and it chased me all the way through the house. I dived behind the bed and it flew and landed on the window beside me.

Probably thought you were playing a cute wee game. I know, of chase. That's the kind of cute animal they are. So, yeah, this person that called 911 definitely wouldn't have been the first. Do you two believe that life is fundamentally fair? Is that a statement that you think is... Not for everybody. Not for everybody, no.

What? So that is being published by the Journal of Psychological Reports. Beautiful people believe that statement and people who are maybe not. I wish to change my statement. Oh yeah, it's totally fair. No, life's definitely not fair. Like you think there's prejudice, be it, like, gender prejudice, racial prejudice.

Any prejudice means that life's unfair. If someone's been judged before, you know, if someone's been judged primarily on something out of their control. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So two studies have been done of college students and they found that people who were more physically attractive were more likely to agree with the statements like, I feel that people get what they're entitled to have and I feel that people who meet with misfortune

have brought it on themselves. Classic hot people always. Because they've done studies that hot, blonde, blue-eyed people get less prison time. Especially in 1930s Germany. They had just free run down there, didn't they? And we all know hot people at work and in life that just get everything. Thank you, by the way.

I know that was directed at us. I appreciate that compliment. You're welcome. Does that mean that hot people are more selfish? Or just in this bubble? Yeah, and they can't comprehend that someone would think the world's not fair. They're like, but I get everything. Yeah.

Yeah. And they say things like, just work harder. Oh, yeah, that's, yeah. But then I hear people who aren't hot say that. Yeah, I always hear unhot people say that. You're not hot enough to be that ignorant. Yeah. So how have they, what have they got You're not hot enough to be that ignorant. Yeah. So how have they, what have they got that's not hotness?

What's happening there? Narcissism. Yeah, okay. Would be the answer to that one. Yeah, I mean, I'm guilty of putting hot people on a pedestal. I think we all are. No, one day. We want to, like, see them nude, right?

Like, eventually. Is that the idea? I think that's why we, yeah. I'd like to come back as a really hot person and see what it's like. Nothing's better than seeing a hot person nude and they're not as hot nude as they are closed. So you're like, huh. I feel like we're on a slightly more equal playing field now.

I know I'm not hot nude, but I'm also not hot closed. What, jokes on you? Yeah, kind of. Okay. I think. Yeah. Is it a weird thing to say that when someone's not as hot nude as they are?

Because you know what I'm talking about, right? No, I do know what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like people who are really hot when they're dressed and then you see them naked and you're like, I don't... No. I don't know if I've ever seen a really hot person naked

and been disappointed. No, no. Why have you seen really hot people? How many people have you seen naked? Oh, yeah. Quite a few. I grew up in a nudist. Yeah, maybe you've got a slightly warped bit.

But then you don't go to a nudist park and see extremely hot people. Because you'd see them on their way to the naturalist commune and you'd be like, oh, heck, that'll be an interesting look later. And then you see them. Because they're clothed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you see them and you're like, huh. Not what I expected.

Maybe the clothes do make the man. Right. I mean, I haven't seen a lot of men naked that I've. Maybe the clothes do make the man. Right. I mean, I haven't seen a lot of men naked that I've thought were hot clothes and they're not hot. Right. I can judge, sure. Yeah, yeah. Puritanically. How many men have you seen naked?

Like in the flesh. Well, either or. Not many. Okay. Nah, not enough to sort of judge the gender on a whole. Yeah, right. But I've seen a few women naked. Bloody believe me.

Back in my day. All right, mate. I saw a few naked females. Did they know you were there? They did not know I was there. There is a new dating app which has been launched in the UK. So I'm not sure if it's coming here or if it'll even work here, but it's called Toffee.

So add that to the list of Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, Happn, all of those. Yeah. Toffee is for those. Does it not have an E? Because you know how all the dating apps, they skip the final vowel. No, it does. It's Toffee. Two Fs, two Es.

Yeah, fully spelled. Oh, very posh. Now, this app is for those who want to socialise with those who share their background of private schooling. And it's called Toffee. Toffee. Because isn't that what they call like... Toffee Nosed. Like Toffee Nosed or Toffee Nosed?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A rich kid. Why do they say Toffee Nosed? I don toffee-nosed or toffee-nosed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A rich kid? Why do they say toffee-nosed? I don't know. I don't know. Is it because if you're reading a toffee app or you have to hold your head back a bit or the toffee gets on your nose?

And so when you walk around with your nose up, you look like you've got your nose up. And toffee-nosed because I didn't want toffee on it. I'm unsure, actually. So obviously this app has drawn a bit of criticism. People saying that it's elitism. Oh. But then I don't know if you can join it

if you just went to a public school like us. Or if you had to go to... Probably not. Or maybe you just want to meet someone that went to a private school because then they might be rich. It'll be like that immediate conversation you have with people, you know,

when you first leave school. They're like, what school did you go to? And you go, oh, um, a DeSol 5. And they turn around and walk away from you like, where are you going? Oh, yuck. Yeah. But how do you have to, like, how do you prove it?

Is there, can you just say that you were? You probably have to go to school. You've got to put a photo of you and your Ralph Lauren polo. Yeah, with polo popped because you get loose on the weekends. That, I can't speak for every private school girl, but there's a long and well-documented history of private school girls really loving going for a rough public school boy. Right.

Just to make sure dad's paying attention. Isn't there? Yeah. I don't want to go out with a future lawyer dad. He loves me. Yeah. Yes, he's got a tattoo on his face, but you don't know him like I know him. I've found a welder.

That's a good trade. I know, it's a good trade. That's a great trade. They make a lot of money. They make a lot of money. But also like- Dad wanted a lawyer. Yeah, well, dad's got a problem because you can weld forever in a day.

But the private boys might be like arrogant and- Yeah. Yeah. And useless and trust fund. Might the private boys might be arrogant and stuck up. And useless and trust fund. Might be. They have Audis, don't they? Yeah. It's old money, isn't it? You're going to get to your date.

You can overlook a lot with family money. You'll get to a date in a rotary. It'll just be quite loud. So toffee nose, by the way, is because the lower class used to call the upper class toff. Yep. You're a toff. And then it just became toffee nose because you had your nose up like you thought you were. Right.

You were upper class. Learning. So it's not named after the sugary brown sweet. Right. Yesterday, I went down to the supermarket for corn flour because we needed to thicken up the mince. Yeah. Right.

In case you're wondering why we need corn flour. By the way, completely- You can use regular flour. Can you? Because what is corn flour? Just made out of corn. Made from corn. Huh.

Because it always feels a bit more silky. It's just a bit more effective. It feels more silky when you rub it between your fingers. It gives it a weird- I would imagine there are people who don't like the feel of cornflour. Yeah, it's a bit crunchy. But like cotton wool. It's a weird texture, you're right.

Yeah. Anyway, details. But I ended up forgetting the cornflour anyway. I got all this other stuff. I was in the supermarket perusing when over the speaker I hear... Can we have security on all aisles Security on all aisles Checkouts beware

And doors closure I was just like What So I Stayed Because I expected to hear Some sort of immediate Kefuffle

Kefuffle Yes Yes yes Like there might have been a fight Or something Because it sounded very, but nothing happened. But then I saw this guy walking, and he was walking up and down the aisles, looking down in every aisle.

Yeah. And I was like, this is weird. Yeah. So I watch him for a while, and he's like going up and down the aisles at one end, and there's a guy going up and down the aisles at the other end of the aisles. Yeah. Like, what the heck is going on here? They weren't eyeballing you, were they?

Oh, they were kind of looking at everybody, but not like eyeballing. Okay. Right. They were like doing a lot of looking. And then over the security thing, again, there's another APB, an all points bulletin, to checkouts to be wary, and security on all aisles, security on all aisles. Yeah.

So I've got to see what's happening here. So I go to checkout, and checkout seems to on all aisles. Yeah. So I've got to see what's happening here. So I go to checkout. And checkout seems to be business as usual. Okay. It's the entry and exit that I find are being guarded by people. Right. Which, and they're on the inside of the door too, on the shop side of the things that stop you pulling a trolley back through the end. You know, those things.

If you have it, it would nap back out. Also, is that weird they have those at airports? Because I'm not taking a trolley back through the end. You know, those things. Yeah. If you ever would nap back out. Also, is that weird they have those at airports? Because I'm not taking my trolley on a plane. It's just to stop you running back through in a hurry. Right. Okay. If you're a wide runner. Right.

So there's people at the entrance, there's people at the exit, and there's like two people at each. So I'm very wary, but I go back to where I am. And you know how every supermarket has that big door to outback? Yep. Where they bring all the stock through. That's shut.

I've never even seen, I didn't even know it did shut. Right, okay. I just assumed it had those plastic flappy things. And that was the door. And that was the extent of the door. But it was shut. I hate touching those plastic flappy things.

Have you ever been through the plastic? Have you ever been through wet ones? Oh, no. Why are they wet? No, because some places have them to outside, and if it's raining and they grab you, it's like, this is what it feels like to be kissed by a cold octopus. You get through, you feel filthy.

Right. So they've got that shut, and I have to know. Is this an armed hold-up or something? No, because business as per usual at the checkouts. So I go up to the guy who I initially saw wandering. I said, what's the deal? What's going on? He's like somebody who is a known recidivist.

Does that mean repeat? Recidivist. Recidivist. Yeah. What is recidivist? Recidivist is what happens to your hair when it's done. Recidivist. Ah, my hair's going a little recidivist. So aivist. What is recidivist? Recidivist is what happens to your hair when it's done. My hair's going a little recidivist.

So a boarding shoplifter. Yes. Who's done it more than once. Has come into the store and been identified by security or an employee. And they are such a problem that they're worried about them boosting. Right. So that's why they shut the back door. And had's why they shut the back door and had these two people. It was quite like all go.

Right. So I thought it must have been a ring of shoplifters, but this guy said one shoplifter. And then what happened? So I said, have you spotted them? And he said, yep. And then I go up to the checkout to leave. There's still people on the doors.

I think they reopened the back door, and two people from the supermarket. Yeah. I think they reopened the back door and two people from the supermarket were tailing this person. Just pretty much escorting them. They looked like this person's secret service

for Countdown. Countdown secret service. And like the Prime Minister's secret service don't wear the green polos. But yeah. They walked on

either side of this person. Right. With the trolley. They had a half trolley to make sure that they weren't stealing anything. They, like, escorted them fully on their shop. Wow. Because they've had such a problem with them in the past. That's a far cry from when you dobbed in that shoplifter

and they didn't seem to care. They didn't really want to do anything there. Yeah. And now they're giving them a private detail. Yeah. Huh. They must be one of those people that can magically, like, sneak a lamb leg out of a supermarket.

Where do they put it? Yeah. Some pork ribs. Shrink wrap. All the expensive meat. Yeah. They must have definitely stolen some meat before, but it was pretty exciting to be in the supermarket on a lockdown.

On a lockdown. F.E.M. We're a little bit shooketh this morning because it's been revealed that something of Princess Diana's, the people's princess, our favourite princess. RIP. Cheers to Di. Raise a coffee cup to Princess Di as we always do. Let's just put those down. Princess Diana was gifted a wedding present from the Queen Mother when she got married to Charles.

It was a necklace. Now, it's got diamonds in the shape of ostrich feathers and this pendant, and then it's got a dangly emerald. Yeah. So, I mean, it would be worth a lot of money. It's a family heirloom. It's been passed down and was given as a gift to mark the occasion.

Now, when Princess Di, RIP, it was returned to the occasion. Now, when they did, or when Princess Di, RIP, it was returned to the Queen. She was to look after it and eventually pass it down to Kate Middleton when she becomes the Princess of Wales. However, when Charles married Camilla, he demanded

that she be gifted Princess Diana's heirloom necklace. And so she's been spotted with it out and people are like, well, hang on a sec. Hang on, why are you wearing that? She wears it as a brooch now, the main dangly part. And there's multiple pictures of her wearing

Princess Diana's heirloom necklace that she was gifted on her wedding day. Isn't that a bit on the nose? People are upset. Oh. The only reason she doesn't have it anymore is because she passed away. And then it got gifted to,

I mean, we don't, we know that they didn't like each other. From her grave, she would be very pissed. Well, I don't know how the kids would feel about this. But then the Queen Mother, who gave her it, never liked Diana much

towards the end of both of their lives. Right, but too late, you've already gifted it to her. Yeah, well you can't ask her it back just because you decided you don't like somebody anymore. But it got me thinking because I knew a guy whose mum and dad separated and dad moved

out and mum got a new partner and dad just had a whole lot of stuff around at the house because they were still pretty civil. It wasn't like real messy. And stepdad, as he became, took dad's golf clubs for a couple of rounds of golf. And I know there was a big sort of like, that's not on.

A man doesn't play with another man's shafts without clubs, handles and grips. Sure. With, you know, like that. You're not my real dad. Taking one's wife is one thing, but to take one's golf clubs is just too on the nose. Why hadn't the dad taken the golf clubs?

He moved into a place where he didn't have a lot of storage. Right. Yeah. So, like, sort of a dad apartment. Right. See, none of us have experienced that Because our parents are all still together Yeah I would

But it would be Quite awful to see that happen Wouldn't it Something like that I think it would be really specific Like Like your dad was a builder So imagine like

Stepdad starts using dad's Material Building that Tools and stuff Dad's hammer Yeah exactly Get out You're not my real dad

Exactly What are you doing Yeah if my dad got a new mum for me, she would not be allowed anything. If she started wearing any jewellery or anything, I'd be like... Family jewellery. Would she be allowed to go to the nudist colony?

No. No. That's mum's nudist colony. Not her nudist colony. I don't want to see her boobies either. No. New mum's boobies. So if she comes in and you come home

and she's using your mum's Kenwood cake mixer or something? No. That would be like, stop right now. Excuse me. Thank you very much.

Need somebody with human touch. That's not appropriate. Yeah. I'd love to know from people listening, if stepdad or stepmum have overstepped the mark by using something

that belongs to real mum or real dad. Actual mum, actual dad's property has been used by step-parents. And it would upset you. Okay. We're talking about if your step-parents have ever used something that belonged to your actual parents, your biological parents. Oh, yeah.

And if it upset you, we're thinking of this story from a Prince Harry, Prince William situation where a necklace famously owned by their mother and gifted to their mother, Princess Diana. R.I.P. R.I.P. Cheers to die. Cheers to die. How they'd be feeling about that now being worn by Camilla

Parker Bowles. Yeah. You wouldn't be happy, would you? Even though it was destined to be inherited by Kate Middleton and may yet. When the person, if it's an heirloom, when the person dies, you put it on the shelf until it's ready to be gifted to the next one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you give it to the stepmom.

It doesn't go sideways. It always goes down. It doesn't go sideways. Okay. Hayley, what did stepdad use? My stepdad used to call me the nickname that my dad gave me. Oh, yeah. No, no, that's a special.

What was your nickname? My nickname was Pixie. Pixie. Oh, no. As a dad who's given daughters nicknames, I shan't be happy to hear a stepfather has been using it. No, no, I was not impressed. As a whole, you're not my dad, you can't call me that.

Did he keep trying? Yeah, he kept trying because he thought he was trying to fit in and impress me. Did he end up coming up with a new nickname for you? No, no, no. Okay. It's like small woodland creatures that would have gone troll probably. If you carried on with that bad attitude. I don't think that's creatures I would have gone troll probably. Next.

If you carried on with that bad attitude. I don't think that's going to impress Hayley either though. No. Hayley, thanks for your call. Some text messages in. Somebody said that their mum's new partner used my dad's tools to replace things like the fence that my dad built. Was the fence broken or was he just replacing it? No, he wasn't. She doesn't say whether or not it was a broken fence, but used his own to achieve.

Very unhappy at that. Very unhappy to see that. I'll just get rid of this wonky fence. Yeah. Oh, no. Using the tools that your father used to make the fence. Yeah. Emma.

Yeah, hi. Was it stepdad? No. So my my nana passed away and my papa got a new partner. So we were over at their house for dinner one night and the new partner was saying, told us that

she was wearing my deceased nana's underwear and that it was very comfortable. No she didn't. What? Steve Brand. That's out. I'm wearing your Nana's knickers and they fit snug as a bug in a rug.

How did that even come up? How did that come up in conversation? It just came up. She was saying that she liked the clothes and whatnot and she'd worn the blouses a few times. And yeah, she just said that she was in the underwear and that it was very comfortable and that it was going to be like her underwear from now on. Suddenly I don't feel like the roast anymore. How did your mum and dad feel about that?

My mum was not happy and funnily enough, they didn't speak much after that. What was she thinking? I don't know. That is so disgusting. I wouldn't want to wear anyone's undies anyway. Yeah. Yeah, you know when you see undies at op shops?

Old people get a bit leaky, don't they? Yeah, they do. No offence to you, deceased nana. I can't say what they looked like, so I don't really know. But, you know, you don't really wear someone else's underwear. Yeah. Maybe nothing a good nappy sand won't fix. I don't know.

Somebody said, my mum passed away three months later. I saw my dad's new girlfriend wearing mum's sunglasses. I lost the plot. Three months later? Yeah. Jeez. My step mum has my grandmother's engagement rings on her bony fingers.

Okay, there's not a lot of love there, is there? Grandma passed away some time ago, but dad has new kids with her, so we won't ever see that ring again, even though it should have gone down into our family. Oh, yeah. Okay. That would be upsetting.

But then it's your dad's mum, and your dad's other kids will one day inherit it. You know what I mean? Like, give it up, bony fingers. She's new. She doesn't deserve it. I love that she described her fingers as bony. Bony fingers. Come into our family and get our ring. You bony fingers. She's new. She doesn't deserve it. I love that she described her fingers as bony. Bony fingers.

Come into our family and get our ring. You bony fingers. You'd always find a way, fat fingers. No matter what you were talking about your step-parents, if you didn't like them. You'd find a way, exactly. You'd always find a negative way of describing it. Somebody did message in,

and I think this is definitely worth a mention, that there is, while hearing stories about bad step-parents, an amazing bunch of people that have taken on the role of step parent yeah that's true and done what real parents

should have done rather than walk out on the family exactly when a parent has just left exactly so you know full respect for a lot

of step parents are they called step parents because they step in is that just dawned on you I'd say so My god I don't know

Or that you step to the side in the family tree What? When you're drawing the family tree You have to do a step to the side to add them in Oh right, you add them in I don't know It's from Latin Old English Yeah

Stepasuno It's from a word meaning orphan Yeah. Stepesuno is like, it's from a word meaning orphan. Oh, I didn't know that. No, it's because they step in. Yeah, I fully agree. It's because they stepped in. Like an orphan's mum. Oh, you're going with that one, are you?

I think it's just easier to understand. All right. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's absolute breakdown. Megan, I had correspondence from people about the 15 different electrical plugs currently in circulation around the world being used in different countries. I had untold messages from people. Yep. Someone said the minute they stopped their car, their kids demanded to see them all.

Oh, yeah, okay. We want to learn more about this when we get home. Education. Exactly. Sparky said they felt, you know, really part of the show. Because, you know, I said I would love to get one of those power plugs at my home that you just put your USB cord straight into. They said you can get there like $50 more than the normal one.

I'd pay that for convenience. Yeah, exactly. We don't. Okay. And we're done. We don't need to talk about it anymore. Plugs. Worth a look up.

Did they put that article online and get people to vote for their favourite plugs? No, Anya said it wouldn't go well online, did you? She said it was stupid. What would you know? I just feel like, do we need to go back to a meeting room with a whiteboard sort of a situation for the plugs? Maybe we can embellish it, modify it in some way. No, give people the raw content. They'll do the rest.

Just straight plugs. Say, what's your favourite plug? Of these 15 electrical outlets. Do you have a favourite plug? Today's fact of the day. A lot better than yesterday's. Today's fact of the day is the first ever gold medal Usain Bolt won.

Usain. Usain? We've talked about this. It's Usain Bolt won. Usain. Usain? It's you with establishments. We've talked about this. I thought we were accepting both. No. So the first ever gold medal that Usain Bolt won, he had his shoes on the wrong feet. He did not.

He did. 2002 World Championships, World Junior Championships. How do you do that accidentally? Or was this on purpose? Let me take you there. Okay. We're now in Kingston, Jamaica. What power plugs are they using in Kingston, Jamaica?

Oh, Jamaican me crazy. It'll be the American one, won't it? I don't know. Let's have a look. You can use your electrical appliances in Jamaica. Yeah, the US, Canada, and most South American countries. You're right. They do a 110 volt and a 50 hertz frequency.

Thank God we know that. It's a two-prong one. People needed to know that. She's a two-pronger. So we're in Kingston, Jamaica. Where they use... Say it. Plugs.

Which one? The pronged ones. Two-prong. Two-prong plugs. I'm just going to get us a little accompanying. Have you got my laptop? Yeah, I do. No, that's not what I was after.

Oh, you want Kingston, Jamaica music? Yeah. Okay, we're in Kingston, Jamaica. We're in Kingston, Jamaica. What feels like 1980s Kingston, Jamaica. It's 2002. Yeah. We're in Kingston, Jamaica. What feels like 1980s Kingston, Jamaica. It's 2002. We're in Kingston, Jamaica. This is a retro jam, even in 2002.

Isn't there a UB40 song that's Kingston town? We'd be better than this. I mean, I hate to disrupt the flow once again. I just don't want to search Kingston and get Sean Kingston. I like this. Leave this. Oh, it's too late. Megan, maybe get a UB40.

Oh, yes. Okay, this is good. Yeah, okay, we're now. We're at the poolside bar. Okay. What time's happy hour? No, come on. So, stay on track.

It's 15 years old and he's 6'5 already. Yeah. He's pretty quick. He won the 200 metres and then he gets through to the final of the 200 metres. He's in front of his hometown. He's nervous. He looks up. He knows a lot of the people in this crowd.

And his favourite UB40 song is playing. So he goes to put his shoes on and he's not looking properly and he puts his shoes on the wrong feet. You'd feel instantly that that's wrong. I don't know. I've never worn sprinting shoes. Have you ever worn weird?

I'm assuming they... Why does that feel weird to say worn? I'm assuming they still have the curves. Well, maybe he didn't have time. He's like, I put them on the wrong foot. Maybe all of his toes are the same length. Sure. Maybe, I don't know. He's got a I put them on the wrong foot. Maybe all of his toes are the same length. Sure. Maybe, I don't know.

He's got a flat shoe. Yeah. Maybe he's running in a scuff. Okay. A flat. Or a crock. A flat fronted crock. Yep.

So he puts them on the wrong feet. And he still wins the Junior World Championships. With his feet. He gets a gold medal. Okay. At the age of 15. And he gets a gold medal for it. It was a real awakening moment for him, though.

He said he would never again let himself be affected by pre-race nerves. Right. And that's why he always listens to UB40's Kingston Town. Right, when putting his shoes on. Calming and relaxing. He concentrates. Which is crazy, really, because my three-year-old does this every time she goes to leave the house.

Listens to UB40 yes no puts her shoes on the wrong feet she's like are these the right feet I'm like does it feel like how does it feel

yeah she's like feels fine well then let her wear them I'm like walk up and down there she does how does that feel

feels fine yeah or you wear your shoes however you want change feet they're on the wrong feet I don't want to fine wear them however you want. Change feet. They're on the wrong feet. I don't want to.

Fine, wear them however you want if it's not discomfort. And then do you get down the road and she's like, it hurts? You do what you want. She'll trip over and she'll be like, what happened?

I'll be like, well, your little toe's got too much gap. Yeah, right. And your big toe's all squished up. I know shoes work. I think the people at Nike

know how to design a shoe. You're three. You don't know shoes. Mind you, Usain Bolt was 15 and he didn't know shoes and he still won a gold medal. That is today's fact of the day. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. With the storm that's happened overnight, a lot of wind,

and that has caused a bit of chaos, especially in Auckland, where authorities are saying to stay inside, stay home from work if you can, and that unnecessary travel should be avoided. Quite a few schools shut. Yeah. My daughter's school's shut and my other daughter's kinder's shut. There's no power, and I think you've got to have power to open safely. Well, still a lot of homes without power.

Victor, you can check for an ETA. You've got a six o'clock tonight ETA. That teamed up with kids not at school's really spoiled dad's sweet spot of two hours of fortnight between getting home from work and having to pick up the kids from kindy. To PlayStation not do some kind of solar-powered version yet. What a great idea. What a great idea.

Do you say two hours of that every day? I try to, Megan. I try to, but not every day. I aspire to. It's a sweet spot. It's the Goldilocks zone. Do you remember before Fortnite came along, it was like, I've just got no time to do anything.

You make time. You've literally found this time in nowhere. No, no, I've sacrificed time with my wife. We used to eat a lunch together, talk about our day, do things. And what does she do now? Just watch. I think she was talking yesterday. Vaughn!

No, she came in yesterday saying, I've got some groceries. Can you go and get them out of the car? I said, you'll have to give me a minute. I'm in the top five. And I came second in get them out of the car? I said, you'll have to give me a minute. I'm in the top five. And I came second in that game out of 100. The idea is you go until you're the last man standing. Yeah, it's a battle royale last man standing.

Pretty quick, sort of like you just drop in and it's all go. You can end up divorced. You softened that. You were like, not right now. And then she went and got the groceries herself. I didn't say that part. I was like, just give me a few minutes. Won't be long.

Intern Andy, you're struggling with this game as well, aren't you? Because you've lost your boyfriend to Fortnite. I've lost him. It's so annoying. It's happened about maybe six or seven times. The most recent, the other night, we were going to go out for dinner. And he's like, oh, yeah, babe, just like 20 more minutes. I just can't quit yet.

And I was like, oh, yeah, babe, just like 20 more minutes. I just can't quit yet. And I was like, oh, why? And he's like, oh, you're going to have to save. You're going to save? Yeah. But then it went on for like 40 minutes. So he has to wait to a point where he has to save the game. Aye. Yeah.

Oh, my God, that's so annoying. You need to get to the next level. That's not Fortnite. You've got to just keep going until you win. Yeah, and the games are over pretty quickly. And you can quit a game at any time. Are you kidding me? You can quit at any time.

No. Do you not have to get to a certain checkpoint to save it? What? I don't know. Don't ask me. Don't make me. What? Have you been lied to? You've been lied to. I think so. I think so. Oh, no. I've't know. Don't ask me. Don't make me. What? Have you been lied to?

You've been lied to. I think so. I think so. Oh, no. I've just committed. I've committed a huge crime. You've dropped your Fortnite brother in it. I have.

I've betrayed the... He's been lied to you. I've betrayed my Battle Bus brother. He's saying we can't go out now because I've got to get to the next level. I've got to save. Yeah, it's happened, yeah, like at least six or seven times. He's been like, oh, 20 more minutes. But then I've always thought that's kind of weird

because the 20 minutes turns into like 35 to 40 every time. But I didn't really think much of it until now. Hmm, interesting. Does he ever like celebrate a win during that time? Because I'd imagine your average Fortnite game would not be 20 minutes long, even if you won. It kind of forces... No, that's tacked on to his already hour of playing, at least.

So he's probably playing another game in that time. Oh, baby. Oh, baby. Oh, yeah. He's definitely... He's popped back to the lobby and relaunched another game. Does Mr. Toyboy play? No.

Video games. No. He made biscuits last night. He made cookies. You need Mr games. No. He made biscuits last night. He made cookies. You need Mr. Toyboy. He made biscuits last night. Chocolate chip cookies. No Fortnite for him.

He is well trained. Well, I'm out at rain and tilted towers, baby. I just sent him there. Yeah, that's so sexy. Is that sexy? You can't eat that like a chocolate biscuit. It's just occurred to me, not only have I betrayed Andy, my Fortnite Battle Bus brother,

there's a whole lot of people listening who this might be dawning on them as guys have used this as an excuse. As right now people are like, yeah, my boyfriend said that to me too. I'm going to be banned from the servers. I'm going to go to log on this afternoon and it's like, sorry, you're no longer welcome here, you betrayer. You have no power to play Fortnite anyway. How much does a generator cost to hire?

And in these situations, are they reserved for sort of emergencies? Yeah, yeah, like businesses that might need to, you know, get up and running. Like hospitals, schools. Yeah, hospitals. Not Vaughan Smith who needs to play Fortnite. Right, okay. To be fair, they don't ask you why when you hire one. Yeah, just say it's life-saving equipment.

Yeah. Well, it's life-ending equipment because I get in there and I make it rain until the towers, baby. We are joined in studio by intern Anya. She's got her boyfriend from the other side of the building. Good morning, boyfriend. Good morning. Hey, bud.

Hey. Do you know why you're here, Andy? Do you know why? No, I don't, but I'm guessing it's something to do with Anya. Yeah. More to do with you. Oh! I feel so awkward.

It's going to look over this way. Look, you know, we've been together a while now. How long? Two years. I mean, not really. Nearly. In like two weeks' time, it's two years. So you been together a while now. How long? Two years. I mean, not really. Nearly. In like two weeks' time, it's two years. So you get half of everything now.

You get half of everything. Yeah. All of the... No, I only have two years. Okay, all right. Yeah, we have. Oh, really? Yeah.

Wow, okay. There we go. And his nervous little laugh. So we've been together a while. You know, like we don't keep secrets from each other. We have an open, honest relationship. Sounds like a proposal, doesn't it? But I just feel like there's been something that's sort of flown under the radar a little bit here.

The other night we were about to go out to that lovely Japanese place. Do you recall? Yes, I remember that one. And you said, oh, I remember. And you said, oh, I'm nearly ready. I've just got to have another 20 minutes of Fortnite. And being the cool laid back GF,

I was like, sweet as. Hang on. And then it turned into like 35. And I've just learned that you don't have to wait to save it. You can tap out at any time. I mean, yeah, that is a thing. But you guys can back me up on this.

Were you playing squad? Were you in squad or solo? No, I just, I roll solo. Oh, I was going to say that. You should have said squad because then you're like, I can't let my boy easy. Yeah, no, but the solo wins mean way more to me. You might have missed this, but Vaughn's already dropped you in it.

I didn't play what? He said before that you can tap out of the game at any time, and you can't. There are no points to save. No, you just play. You just play and then... I mean, you can back me up here. If you've got a legendary scar...

Oh, yeah, you're not giving that up. Yeah, exactly. That's a gun. You're in the final ten. The circle's closing in. Okay, yeah, we're in the final ten. We're not going anywhere. Chastity, Mexican tie, all my favourite cousins back there. There are only ten people left in the game. Yeah. Oh, you're in the final 10. We're not going anywhere. Chesapeake, Mexican tie, all my favourite cuisines back there.

There are only 10 people left in the game. Yeah. Oh, you should give them 20 minutes. But to be fair, the final 10 never lasts for 20 minutes. Let's, yeah. Did you or did you not, Andy, start a new game in that time? Oh! If you come second, you're like, I've hit the straps.

Like, I'm feeling good. I've warmed up. Straight back in. Let's see how we go, baby. And then you probably drop in, die straight away. You're like, well, that wasn't my game. Nah, we'll just get one more under the belt. And in the meantime, Anya's waiting for the lovely Japanese restaurant.

Yeah, my booking's at 6.30. I look like a fool. What time did you actually get there? Seven. Ooh. Andrew. Late for like a fool. What time did you actually get there? Seven. Ooh. Andrew. Late for my bento.

Not how I like to be, Andrew. Did you get a solo win in that little? No. Oh, dear. Didn't even make the top 50. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Oh, well. All right. Well, I think this is good. We're sharing here. We've got it off our chest. Yeah. Good. And you won't do that thing

where you hold it against Andrew? Oh, I'm not putting that in my pocket for later, no, sir. No, she's not going to bring it up in six months' time. In a completely unrelated argument, just because she's got no further decent points to make. So she delves into the history books. How that, why would you think she'd do that? Yeah, that's

Completely unreasonable Of me to even think that Wildly unreasonable Sorry yeah ZDM's Fletch Vaughn And Megan

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