ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - April 11 2019

Episode Date: April 10, 2019

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ZM. Head music lives here. Fletch, Fawn and Megan, the podcast. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show. The reason Fletch and Megan laughed uncontrollably was you said about the meeting in Brussels and Fletch said sprouts. That was it. That was honestly all it took. You bloody kids. That was all it took. Because we knew, and was it fact of the day, that it's Brussels sprouts. Not Brussels sprouts. That's always blown my mind.

No, it's Brussels sprouts. Not Brussels sprouts. No, it's Brussels sprouts. Which way is it? Brussels sprouts. It's Brussels sprouts. No, because it has no possessive apostrophe. Brussels.

No, it's Brussels sprouts. It is Brussels sprouts. You already told me that, Vaughan. Yeah, I can't remember everything I say. Brussels Sprouts. Oh, no, I don't like that. But it should have a possessive apostrophe then if it's... No, because it's a name, isn't it?

I don't know how this is news to you because you told me that. Yeah, but I often get confused. I would have gone really hard on it and then in my mind I'm like, which way did I go? And Brussels is Brussels, isn't it? What? The place, Brussels. Brussels, yeah.

So it's Brussels sprouts. Yeah. Oh, my God. Brussels is. It was a good love. Megan and I had a good love. It was a good time. I am the glue holding this place together.

It is rich of George RR Martin to say, oh, yeah, Game of Thrones could have gone for 13 seasons, but he's been sitting on his tush not finishing those last books for God knows how long. Yeah. I couldn't handle 13 seasons. I mean, I'll be sad when it's over, but I also need it to be over. But it needs to end well and not drag on and, you know.

Yeah, yeah. It'll be perfect. Yeah. I hope so. Well, not long to wait now. What is it? Friday, Sunday, Sunday, Monday. Four sleeps? Yeah. I hope so. Well, not long to wait. Now, what is it? Friday, Sunday, Sunday, Monday. Four sleeps. Five sleeps?

Four sleeps. No, what are you guys? You're not sleeping tonight, mate. I wasn't planning on it. I don't think that's the name. All nighter. All nighter. All right.

Five sleeps. Five sleeps. Flesh, fauna, Megan. The podcast. ZM. Loud choice of our... Put it instead of clamping. I'll do it.

Pass me all the pieces of paper. We've just had a revelation that we need to talk about. When are we talking about that? Half past seven. 7.25. Okay, we're talking about the... This is for the half seven. And just an update on Intern Anya's...

Everybody's lasering. Dusty puddle. Caitlin doesn't bloody listen to instructions. Laser. All right, you lot, listen up. It's lasering. Dusty puddle. Caitlin doesn't bloody listen to instructions. Laser. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. I have a feeling today's going to be a loose show. It feels Friday.

The wheels are off. Yeah, I had to sit down on the comfy chair and I was almost asleep. I woke up in the room just literally two seconds ago while that song was playing. when I woke up. What, this morning? Just literally two seconds ago. While that song was playing. I'm so tired, I am like... All right, headlines. I've got three of the news headlines. Interesting, quirky, unusual news stories. And Vaughn and Megan pick one of the following three.

Headline one, police have nothing to go on. Ah! Toilets got stolen. No. That was like a classic. Yeah, yeah, like a prank call. You'd ring the police. I mean, you wouldn't.

The stolen toilet case got anything to go on. Ah! Whack! Down it goes. Then your phone rings. Hi, it's the police here. We've just got the ability to call back the numbers of the prank callers. Police, I'm John my mum!

Headline two, stealth plane disappears from radar. Ooh. And headline three, like la tomatina, that's the tomato. That's the tomato festival.

Yeah, like la tomatina but smellier. Ooh. What are they throwing? La tomatina. I think la tomatina. Because I've always thought la tomatina. I think La Tomatina. Because I've always thought... La Tomatina.

We were lucky enough to be invited to the Roxburgh Cherry Festival. That's a good time. Which was all the cherries that couldn't be exported or jammed. You know, they'd get hail or bird shit. So they had a festival. That was really cool. or jammed. Yeah. You know, they get hail or birds. Or mushy or jammed. Yeah, yeah. So they end up on the ground. Well, that was pretty cool. There's got to be other things in New Zealand where we could...

I mean, it's pretty wasteful. People get a bit on the wastebars these days, but these were cherries that couldn't be used for anything else. Well, we go now to India where thousands of villages have descended and taken part in the annual Pedakala War in southern India.

Now, it's a symbolic war about a mythological marriage dispute, which brings good health. Now, instead of throwing fruit or vegetables like la tomatina, they throw piles of manure in the annual Good Health Battle. What animal's manure do they have? It looks like... I'm going to show you a picture. It looks like your big cow patties or your big horse poo. Is it kind of round and nuggety?

Yep. So that's not really a cow... Oh, no, it probably is if they're not just eating grass. They look like they're dried and hard. They're dried. They dry them out it probably is a phoenix. They look like they're dried and hard. Oh, yeah, they're dried. They dry them out and they leave them on the side. So the custom takes place the day after the spring festival and is a symbolic war about the marriage dispute.

Have you got some in your mouth? Well, yeah, I'm sure. Well, you're right. They're thrown by each side towards the other while crowds line the streets and onlookers gather on nearby buildings. But yeah, they just go all out and it's, like, look at that photo.

That's just a dust of manure poo. It is like the tomato festival, but they are covered in... Yeah, you get it in your eyes and your mouth. You get home, you blow your nose, poo's come out. Could you get, like, sick from that? Well, the idea and the reason they do this is to bring

health, prosperity and rainfall. But I don't think that's going to give you good health if you're getting mouthfuls of manure.

Man I would have heard if you got to the face too. I'd wear a helmet or mask. You don't know if you're allowed to though. You want to wear a motorcycle helmet.

I'd want to wear a riot squad outfit. Yes. You could deflect with a shield. And bat away the poo nuggets with the baton. Yeah. And then if it all just went to custard, just beat the hell out of everybody.

Exactly. There's been some legislation passed. This isn't gun-related legislation that's going through. Although that's an update on that. Yeah, last night passed its third reading. That's a crucial one. So that'll be law by Friday. It'll come into law.

Awesome. Which is great. So Parliament have also heard the first reading of legislation that would restrict clamping fines to a maximum of $100. This is where if you have a private park as part of your lease and or ownership of building agreement and somebody parks in it, you can clamp them and it's kind of been up to your discretion as to what you charge them to have that clamp removed.

Well, I know people that have been clamped and they paid like a couple of hundred bucks. Well, it's been reported up to $700. I honestly didn't know. So that's just like if you have, so if I had a... At your cafe, if you had part of your lease, four parks are yours and someone parked in there and you watched them get out and go to another shop, you could clamp them. And if they're not right- Because I parked in someone, another shop's park and they-

They could. They told me to not park there anymore. Well, that's the nicer option. Although I might have found a little passag at the time. They could just buy a clamp and clamp someone. Well, you can just get one from Ali. Let me look. How much are we all clasping? Oh my god. And then you're just like, I'm going to decide

how much money I want. See how much a plasma cutter costs, because that's what you need to cut off somebody's clamp. Oh, they've got real basic ones you can get from even like Trade Me or One Day for like 20 bucks, but they're real budge-o. Alright. See, I wouldn't back my One Day clamp to stop bucks But they're real budjo Alright See I wouldn't back My One Day clamp

To stop someone Who was just really Determined to leave Oh no Even the Those are good The big heavy duty ones That you see wheel clampers use

Are only 50 US dollars Are they the ones That have got like a disc On the outside And they clamp around the tire Yeah Those are the ones That are in the news

Yeah yeah yeah Same ones 50 bucks 50 bucks So one clamping You you've paid that off. You're making money now, baby. I remember before Christmas when clamping was in the news, people were actually saying,

go online to AliExpress and buy keys or cheap clamps because I think they might use a universal key or a similar key and it was actually cheaper. When you park, clamp yourself. So they come out and they're like, well this guy's already been clamped and then you get back to your car, you unclamp, you leave. You'd have to clamp all four wheels. So they couldn't clamp?

They couldn't clamp. I mean that's not a bad idea. Oh my god, that's quite funny because they literally couldn't clamp you because you clamped yourself all the time. You clamped yourself right on. But so literally at this point it's just up to the person. They're like, I want $700 to take that off. They could say $2,000.

Yeah, like just a wildly unregulated area. Wow. So this would mean you could charge no more than $100. No one's against this, are they? No one's against the amount being capped. Unless your retirement plan was just clamping people who parked in an unmarked spot that you have to have the lease on.

Yeah, does the parking spot have to say, don't park here, rah, rah, rah? Again, it's an unlegislated. So I could have just literally bought a car park and then clamped anyone who parked in there and be like, pay me. I'm not lending cargo. Yeah, yeah. Ha! Although they could take your call.

I mean, you've got to be willing to have a punch in the face. Oh, yeah. Oh, Oh yeah You'd get some hate I couldn't do it No Even sometimes I see Because I walk home every day Through the city I always see parking wardens

And sometimes they just look so sad I know Can you imagine the crap they get I know they would just get So much abuse daily And they're just doing their job They're only doing their job Yeah

They've got to make a quota From the ZM Think Tank This is the Top Six. Hello there. Timely reminder today, I was just reading an article on youdo.co.nz, a wonderful website to help you find a job. Employment tips. Yep.

Employment articles and also owned by the same company that owns this radio station and I tip my hat to them. Job well done. We've got a big conference today. James, that was a bit of saying I wanted to lift it off. Take this bit out that I'm saying now about lifting it off and then just be like, oh, I don't know if you heard this and then send it to the CEO. So we've got a conference

today, so Vaughan's always on his best behaviour and synergy and everything. So much synergy. Christ, the buzzwords. Did you hear what I talked about this morning? Low-hanging fruit. He just stole a Coke Zero from the fridge. It's not. So he's in the bad box again.

Yeah, well, you received that. You received that stolen property. I didn't steal it. And I said, it's not stealing if you're an employee. And the security guy loved that line. Because of course it is. So the top six today deals with a question that isn't illegal to ask in a job interview. What do you think it is. So the top six today deals with a question that is illegal to ask in a job interview.

What do you think it is? Are you pregnant? Yes. Are you having babies anytime soon? Yes. I knew it. Is it illegal to treat one person unfairly or less favourably than based on gender,

marital status, or whether or not they're pregnant or have children? So you can't say, are you pregnant or are you planning on having kids anytime soon? Because that's, did you hear that tone? You weren't like genuinely interested in. It's 100% happening to me. We've all had bosses that have said that.

Yeah. What? Are you pregnant? Or don't even think about having a baby. Yeah. Famously. Oh, plan that. Let me know so we can plan that. Yeah, we'll just try to work out the timings. Yeah. So it flows smoothly for everybody.

But it is illegal to ask that. Here are my top six questions that aren't illegal but are very curly. Okay. To be asked in a job interview. Number six. So, coriander. What are your thoughts? Look, I've just got a genetic disposition.

It tastes like soap. It tastes like soap. Yeah. See, I don't think I could... I would hate that. I couldn't hire a coriander hater because I love coriander. And they should have been married to one. Oh.

It's a deal breaker. Anytime there'd be food, like a sushi, or you were getting delicious Vietnamese summer rolls, or anything like that. Can we order something of coriander? I don't know the taste of it. It's so cheap to me. Actually, you know what's going to be easier, Robert?

You're fired. It would be, Robert. If you ordered for the table, though, more for you. Yeah, but they'll want something for them. But it's not their fault. It does taste like soap to them. My mother's one of these coriander haters.

And I love it. Yeah, I love it too. So I don't believe this genetic nonsense. Okay. Number five on the list of the top six other curly questions you could get asked in a job interview. Can I try on your glasses? Do I look cute?

Oh my God, do I? Anyway, I'll take them off using my hands right on the lenses. Oh my God, how blind are you? I can hardly see out of these. Whoa. Oh my God, I've done all of those. I used to wear glasses and yeah, the amount of people who don't wear glasses,

always grab them by the lenses and you get them back and immediately you're like, well, I have to clean these. But that's weird because we've all worn sunglasses. We know how that works. Why are you letting it touch your greasy fingerprints? Yeah. Number four on the list of the top six curly questions you could get asked in a job interview that aren't illegal, but are curly, are toilet paper.

Are you going under or are you going over? I think you're going to ask how much ply do you have? Because you start work at a place and it's got one ply. You end up breaching the paper or it's rough on your bouton. Yeah. You don't need that. Well, you've just got to roll it over three times. Yeah.

I use a lot of toilet paper. I'm not afraid to admit that. Number three on the list of the top six questions that aren't legal but are a little bit curly that you could get asked in a job interview. Is it pronounced gif or jif in your opinion? That's a hard one, though. Does it go with what it actually is or popular opinion? For all the years we said gif, didn't we?

Yeah. And now we have to say jif because the guy that invented it. Well, it stands for graphics. You don't say draftics. And I was like, well, actually, I do say you have to say Jeff because the guy that invented it. Well, it stands for graphics. You don't say draftics. And I was like, well, actually, I do say draftics. And if you want to work at this draftic design company, you've got to get on board. Yes.

Look at this bar draft of popular opinion on how to pronounce it. Number two on the list of the top six questions that aren't illegal but are pretty curly that you could get asked in a job interview. How do you eat your steak? Oh, I failed that. Why? I just don't like it bloody. Or pink.

How? Medium well. Oh, monster. Oh, no. But I don't really eat steak. It's too much of a chunk of meat. I've never seen you eat a big chunk of steak. I don't like a big steak. I can't believe you're a medium well. Yeah, I just. You don't like really eat steak. It's too much of a chunk of meat. I've never seen you eat a big chunk of steak. I don't like a big steak.

I can't believe you're a medium well. Yeah, I just... You don't like a big steak. Mm-mm. The bloody hell's wrong with you lot. You know I like chicken. My pad thai chicken. I know, but it's so annoying.

But if you're going to have a steak, how would you eat it? Oh, medium. Medium. You're just saying that. Medium! Rare. No, medium rare. That's how I'd have it.

At the most. Don't just keep changing it until you get acceptance from Vaughan. Remember when we went out to that steak place that time? Oh, yeah. And I was the same as you. Yeah. I don't like it overcooked. I don't like it when my teeth glide straight through it.

Don't you? Oh, my God. That's good. It tastes like it's still alive. Every now and then I'll get a rare steak and it's just like, good. Okay, mate. Testosterone pumping through the veins. Go and play 80 minutes of bloody football afterwards.

I didn't. I didn't even want to watch 80 minutes of football. I wanted a creme brulee pudding and I wanted to go to bed. That's what happened after I ate the rare steak. What do you want for pudding? I want a creme brulee. Siri, are you okay? I'm getting tired. I'm getting tired.

I'm going to be a pack of sand real soon. I need to go home to my bed. So'm going to pack a sad real soon. I'm going to need to go home to my bed. So yeah, really got the testosterone guy. And today's number one on

the top six questions that aren't exactly legal but are pretty curly that you could get asked in a job interview.

Does pineapple belong on a pizza in your humble opinion? Because I'll say on a Hawaiian pizza it's fine. It's fine, yeah. It's fine. I'm not putting it on a spaghetti pizza because I'm say on a Hawaiian pizza, it's fine. It's fine, yeah.

It's fine. I'm not putting it on a spaghetti pizza because I'm not a monster. Not having a spaghetti pizza. And I'm not a mum in the 1980s, so there's absolutely no need for that. That is today's top six. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Now, our new house has a few citrus trees. Yep.

But one citrus we're sadly lacking, the Tahitian lime. As you are. Sure. If I had a backyard, I would 100% get lemon and lime trees happening. I'd get all the trees. I know they take a while. Yeah, lemons are kind of cheap at times. Limes, they're the cheapest.

They're very expensive. Oh, I remember we were having like a mojito night. Oh, wow. and I got like five limes and it was like $600,000 at the checkout. Yeah, you had to like sign over your mortgage. Yeah, and I had to tell the checkout lady to come over and take it away from the self-service and then I just put them down on the shelf. Oh, you abandoned them. Yeah, abandoned them.

Yeah, right. Well, what is a mojito without lime? Well, you just get that cheap $2 bottle of whatever. Yeah, the lime juice. Yeah, lime juice. Well, that's a sad substitute. Well, yesterday, Marion posts on the West Auckland Gardener's page that I'm an active member of,

Bunnings Newland $5 lemons and lime trees. And I thought... How can they be that cheap? They must be tiny. They're the little wee ones, and I think they've been sitting there for a while. But I love a rescue goat, and I love a rescue plant. So I went, and I got two.

Two Tahitian limes. $10? Yep, $10 for two lime trees. Imagine how many limes you're going to get. Well, it might take a while. How long? What? How long?

I don't know, maybe a year, I'm hoping, to really get them going. Because they will fruit when they're small. Yeah. You've just got to look after them, and love them, to really get them going. Because they will fruit when they're small. Yeah. You've just got to look after them and love them and fertilise them. Will they be mini limes? Yeah, well, they'll probably be lime limes. But anyway, I was on the way out from purchasing two lime trees for $10

that I saw near the checkout there was fire extinguishers for sale. And I was behind someone who was having some trouble working the F-Pos. I was like, this isn't a new technology. Where have you been? And I thought, we do live rurally now. We don't live, because it used to be right outside our house. When we lived in town, we had one of those fire hydrant things that a fire engine could park and just hit you.

I was like, we don't have one of those anymore. We've got water tanks, but what if that's low? What happens if your house is on fire? Where do they get the water? Well, out of our tanks, I guess. Or they bring the fire truck that's got a tank full of water, but that'll take time.

Yeah, right. So I thought I'd be mad not to have a fire extinguisher. And then I thought, well, I should get three. So I bought three fire extinguishers. How much are fire extinguishers? Well, they were $20 each.

Right. These little wee ones. It's? They were $20 each. Right. These little wee ones. It's not like a big school one. Did you have one in the school hallway? And it was always big and it was almost like calling you. It was almost like, set me off a little bit. No one will notice.

Well, these are little ones. And I was really, so I've placed them around, one in the garage, two in the house, either ends of the house. Yeah. Charlotte was actually, like, really impressed with my mature purchase.

Was she? I was thinking about those the other day. That's good work, good thinking. I was like, oh, my God. Thank you. That's what it's like to buy something and not immediately be like, what did you buy that for? And so they were around the house,

and I put a photo up last night and I said, I'm taking all my willpower not to set these off. People were saying those little ones have got like 8 to 10 seconds of intense and then they're like, no. That's what I'm thinking. It's so good that I know that because like, if there was a small fire

I might have given it a test go on the way down the hallway to make sure it was going by the time I got there, but then I'd get given it a test go on the way down the hallway. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. To make sure it was going by the time I got there. But then I'd get there and it would be empty. Because you tested it first. Yeah. Yeah, right. So someone said, yeah, you always remember to pull the pin out and give it two.

I'll give it a week before August sets it off. I'm not telling them how to do it. Right, okay. So they'll be, yeah, and they're not allowed to touch. There's one kind of, well, there's one in our bedroom. So they'll be, yeah, and they're not allowed to touch. There's one kind of, well, there's one in our bedroom, so they're not in there

too often, but there's one in like the main area in a cupboard. I would have thought you would have gone kitchen and then a hallway or lounge.

It's right by the kitchen, the first one. But then the other one I'm thinking, oh, like if there's a fire I'll run from one end of the house. Or there might be a fire

at the other end of the house. Next time we go over, let's take August through a step-by-step switch on how end of the house. Next time we go over, let's take August through a step-by-step switch on how to set it off. Next time we're just drunk at Vaughan's, let's set one up. To be honest,

they're only $20. Yeah, that's fun. I might go back today and get five more. Can we have a birthday party at your house? Put out the candles. A phone party?

No, it's Mike's birthday's next. Your birthday. Oh, is it dust? Okay, yep. Hey, it's a big one for you too. You might need a fire extinguisher to Put it out the candles. A foam party. No, it's mine. His birthday's next. Your birthday. Oh, is it dust? Okay, yep. Hey, it's a big one for you too. You might need a fire extinguisher to put out all those candles. Hey, get them out a fire extinguisher.

If you can't stand the heat, get away from the birthday cake. It's a big one, ladies and gents. Now I need a fire extinguisher. I don't need a fire extinguisher. It's crazy you don't have a fire extinguisher. Why is that crazy? Because how long would it take for your... There's a fire extinguisher. I don't have a fire extinguisher. It's crazy you don't have a fire extinguisher. Why is that crazy? Because how long would it take for, like, your...

There's a hose outside the door. Oh, okay, right. There's a hose. But I should get one. No, but there's different types. Don't be silly. No, this one's wood, oil. Is it foam or is it powder?

It's powder. Oh, boring. We need to find foam ones. You just want a foam party, don't you? So once the fire's out, we'll have find foam ones. You just want a foam party, don't you? So once the fire's out, we have a foam party. If you want a foam party, just ask for a foam party. We can make that happen. Okay.

Flesh Fauna Megan, the podcast. ZM. When you go to the gym, when you do some exercise, it's well known that you get like a mental high, like a boost, the endorphins flow. Yep. You feel great. I mean, the hardest thing is getting there, but you never feel. The endorphins flow. You feel great. I mean, the hardest thing is getting there,

but you never feel bad after you leave the gym or after you've done the exercise. Unless you're just naked. Because you've done the mahi, now it's time for the treats. Yeah. So there is something else that will give you the same high, but it doesn't involve exercise. Is it Jesus?

No. Okay, Israel. Playing with yourself. It's not that, no. No, it Jesus? No. Okay, Israel. Playing with yourself. It's not that, no. No, it's not that. It is that. It might not be specifically what you're going to talk about now, but that would be.

But does that release endorphins? That's like a much shorter. Endorphins, endolphins. It just makes you sleepy, doesn't it? Well, it wakes you up and puts you to sleep. It's the magic pill. Okay. Right, okay.

That's what Paleo Pete's magic pill documentary should really have been about. Okay. A little bit of quiet time. This one you only have to do once a week to give you the same high as exercising. Okay, so it's obviously not that then because that's not enough. Go on. Yuck. It is volunteering.

Doing voluntary work once a week can help boost your self-confidence and has a positive impact on your mental health. You don't like to go on about your charity, Vaughan, but when you have done your charity, does it give you that? You always feel pretty good afterwards. You do? Yeah. Yeah. And you tell everyone about it.

Well, is that the part that makes you feel good when you tell everybody about it? No, I think you're supposed to just feel it within. Producer Caitlin, you do a lot of volunteering. You've gone to, like, where did you go? Africa. Kenya. Yeah. You helped out the sick kids.

You've been to Asia. You've been to Africa. Yeah. What is the bit that gives you the endorphins? Is it telling everyone about it or posting on Instagram? No, I don't do it for that. And obviously I do quite a bit in New Zealand as well with different organisations.

But I do it because I love working with kids and they give me the high whenever I volunteer I do it with kids and they are just like the cutest, most adorable just like appreciative super grateful yeah and I'm just like

and then I get a high is it the same as working out though like Megan says, her study says? Much easier. Yeah. Much, much easier because I don't have to really do that much. I'm just surrounded. But you go to hot places, so you're sweating a bit as well. Yeah, true.

Yeah. You just have to like find ones that work for you, right? Because... You don't like people, Megan. Yeah. Why don't you work at the SPCA? Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, There's animals.

There's nature. I could do that, but the thing is then I get too attached because I want to, when I'm old, I want to have a farm that adopts all animals that are sick or like have been unwanted. And the chicken in a wheelchair. Yeah. And the chicken in the camo from yesterday. Maybe it's animals. Yeah.

Animals might be a thing. Might be. That's what Jon Stewart did after say maybe it's animals. Yeah. Animals might be a thing. Might be. That's what Jon Stewart did after he left The Daily Show. Yeah, he did. He just bought a massive farm. That's what I want to do. And he's just spending all his money on animals. And then if people want to adopt them, they can.

But otherwise, they just stay with me forever. Yeah. You would need quite a large, like, what happens when they die? Like, of natural causes. Oh, you've just put Megan off her animal farm now. You'd have to bury them. Then you'd have to have a cemetery. And then given enough time. Pet cemetery.

Encroach on your land and you'd just have it. And then they come back to haunt me. Yeah. No, because I treated them well. You treated them well. Yeah, okay. But you know they're coming when you hear, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak.

It's a ghost chicken in a wheelchair. It's a ghost chicken in a squeaky wheelchair. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Well, Justin Marshall, rugby commentator. He was a better player than he was commentator, right? Was he a good player? I don't know. He was great.

He was a Canterbury heartthrob for many years there. The ladies love a halfback. He was a halfback. He was a halfback. Ladies love a halfback. It's good from you. Rugby knowledge. Thanks, mate. Cheers.

I was always Andrew Murdens rather than Justin Marshall. Well, he was a number 10, though. He wasn't a halfback. Yeah, but they worked. No, I know, but they worked together. Oh, they were very well together. Same vintage. Yeah, same vintage.

Well, news yesterday online that Justin Marshall, who's become famous over the years for his weird sayings, you'd say. Different sayings. Has trademarked or is trademarking some of his sayings. Because you'll be familiar with

the me-oh-my. Well, this is just someone named Justin Marshall. We can't confirm it's the Justin Marshall. But then I mean it would be weird if someone called Justin Marshall that wasn't Justin Marshall. We can't confirm it's the Justin Marshall. But then, I mean, it would be weird if someone called Justin Marshall that wasn't Justin Marshall was trademarking Justin Marshall's sayings. So here's a clip of a couple of his sayings commentating. Me, oh my, I haven't enjoyed that. Yes, boy.

Oh, boomer. So on the trademark website, which anyone can search and go to, me, oh my, me, oh my, me, oh my, status is pending, and the owner-applicant is Justin Marshall. I've got that. I've got a screen cap here that says that's accepted, case status accepted. But you're on the actual website, are you?

I'm just looking at a screen cap. Boom-pa is also. Now, Boomfa, he's got two Boomfas there. He's got all caps Boomfa and lower caps Boomfa. Spelled B-O-O-M-F-A. Now, I've always spelt Boomfa B-O-O-M-P-H-A. And then A-H on the end. You've got to cover all spellings.

Boomfa. Yes, boys. Both small and large. the end? You've got to cover all spellings. Boomfah. Yes boys, both small and large and then capitalised Y and B for the yes boys. I've never said boomfah in real life. But you've heard that. See, you were just saying yesterday Ariana Grande

is... Trademaking thank you next. Thank you next because she's bringing out a whole lot of smellies and merchandise. Yeah. But it's not like he invented these words. No, but Ariana didn't invent thank you next. She can trademark them used in that way. Just like me, oh, my

blah, blah, blah. The rest of what he really said. Me, oh, my, yes, boy. I like that. Sure. I mean, he didn't invent those words, but used in that sentence. He's bringing out a range of coffee cups and t-shirts. Smellies. Does he say it all the time or was it just the one-off and it became very famous?

I think it just became famous from that. But it's not like he says it every game. Well, I don't know. I don't... Listen, James, you watch a bit of Ruggers, don't you? Now for something very masculine, we cross to our last and only hope for masculinity on the show, producer James.

Does he do it all the time? Does he say? Nah, like, he'll throw it in there every sort of game, but I feel... Once a game sort of thing. Well, yeah, yeah, if you're lucky, but... Well, you wouldn't want to use your bumfer too early in the first half in case he's a big bumfer in the second.

Exactly, yeah, you don't want to overuse your bumfers, but... I feel like he's really embracing, because this was all started because everyone was taking the piss, weren't they? Well, that's the thing. When he first started. When he's not saying bum for, he's saying something else that's, I don't know, just outrageous or just ridiculous.

So people just, you know, don't, well, they say they don't enjoy him commentating, really, but I mean, they really do. He's not a bad commentator. What does it mean if it gets accepted though? So if he gets the trademark for boom for and me, you won't be allowed to say boom for anymore. You won't be able to have a shirt. No, you'll be able to say boom for. You won't be allowed to say boomfa anymore. He doesn't actually.

You won't be able to have a shirt. No, you'll be able to say boomfa. You won't be able to profit off boomfa. Right. So you won't be able to make a shirt that says boomfa. Or a range of smellies that say boomfa. So there goes your idea of having a range of boomfa perfumes. Yeah, that was the female one,

and then the male one was boomfa, me oh my, yes boy. Yeah. Good on him him I think. If it's his catchphrase no one else is saying it that I know of. Do you have a catchphrase that you need to trademark? You've got to start thinking about this. We've got next summer to be trying to trademark our names

Vaughan. Again? ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Megan the podcast. The black hole has been, not the, there's many, but a black hole for the first time in human history has been photographed. Now, the photo's a little bit blurry. I was expecting them, they could have held the camera still for a little bit longer. Vaughan, it's, how many million miles away is this black hole that they've photographed?

It's all, all of the million miles away. It's nothing we need to. 500 million trillion kilometres. You just spat it everywhere. That's like someone asked the scientists, how many kilometres away is this black hole? And the scientists, the five-year-old, oh, it's 500 million trillion kilometres away.

Well, it's so far away, I wouldn't be able to get there with my bike. So it measures the black hole 40 billion kilometres across. That's three million times the size of Earth. And this has been described by scientists as a monster black hole. How is it not sucking us all in? That's huge. It is.

Slowly. Vaughan, it is. We're all, they're inescapable, guys. Black holes are, there's no getting away. Because I started talking about this last night at the dinner table. Yeah. Oh, it's lovely dinner table. Just a little bit.

After our, what was your favourite part of the day? Yeah. August was holding a chicken. And Indies was getting her hair cut. Yeah. And then I was like, what was your favourite part of the day? I was like, well, I think my favourite part of the day is that they're going to have a photo of a black hole tomorrow. And they're like, what's a black hole?

So I said, I go, well, it's this thing in space. It's inescapable. It crushes everything. Light can't escape it. And when things go into it, they cease to exist. How did they go down? Past the gravy. But then I was trying to explain it to the kids

and they were like, well, what do you mean nothing can get away with it? I was like, well, you know in the bath when you pull the plug and the water might not want to go down the plug but it's got no choice it's going down the plug and it goes down the plug everything is the water geez that's a bit grim and they were like how far was it well i didn't know this five million trillion kilometers away only my only thing strong enough to stop it's my dad it looks like it looks like an out of focus burger ring. It does. But isn't that freaky?

The black in the middle is nothing. Yeah. It's not black. It's nothing. What if they couldn't actually get a photo so someone just put a burger ring up against a black sheet and was like, do it out of focus, no one will say anything. Just like, just squint. Smush it. And then say it's ages

away. How far away? Million, trillion. Million, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion. I mean, this conversation we're having right now is exactly what flat earthers are having, except they're not laughing in between. Oh, you're right. They totally think this is all totally fake.

But it's an insane thing to comprehend. Yeah. That it's just out there doing its thing. Welcome one, welcome all to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast brought to you by Spark. Get four gigs of bonus data on Spark's $49 prepaid value pack. Now, on with the podcast. Okay, when I say your name, you say what part of your body you are currently having laser hair removal on. Or have had.

Or have had laser hair removal on. Why is it that every time I go to get my butt lasered, you always, like, have to bring it up? Well, yeah, it's not your turn to say where you're getting lasered yet. Megan. Vahina. What was I supposed to say? Vagine.

Vagine. Fletch. Butt. Pardon me? Fletch. Fletch. Pride. Butt.

Antananya. Wait, your whole butt? The whole butt? Your whole butt? Say it with pride. Butt. Butt. And Tanya. Wait, your whole butt? The whole butt? Your whole butt? Nothing but the butt. Butt plus hole? Just the butt. Just the hole of the butt.

The butt. Same butt. Moving on. Moving on. And Tanya. Oh, no, we can't hear you. Fletch is now pushing the buttons. Pits, vaheen, booty.

Yeah. Woo! Oh, yeah, I miss Booty too. Caitlin. I'm the same as Anya, Vagina, but how in? I'm done. Okay, that was really, really off here. I'm actually naming them like what they're actually called.

Producer James. Nothing. I feel a little left out. And to be honest, I've probably got the most area that probably needs work on. What's out of control? Everywhere. Oh my God, James. Just be careful what you wish for, Jase, because before you know it, Vaughn will just book you in.

You've got dark hair. You'd be a great candidate. Oh, right. Is that part of it? Yeah. It's going to have a contrast here to skin. I've got a lot of dark hair. Oh, you also want it there, mate.

Great. Take it down. They'll do it off. They won't put it back on. They'll need a sheet just down my whole body. You just stand and the laser just goes. That's not how it works, but sure. Well, Fletch went back for his, was it your third or fourth?

I think it was my third or fourth. You said fourth. That's pretty amazing. Say fourth. No, fourth. No, but I was trying to remember. But it's pretty amazing. How's the texture of the...

Oh, yeah, it's real. It's real. Fine. Yeah, it's fine. Is it like porcelain? Is it like porcelain back there? Yeah. Yeah.

Good. No, but it's much more relaxing now. Like a punching bag. It's much more relaxing. Like, it's not as, like, nerve-wracking as the first two times. Really? Yeah, because it's all been

seen, so who cares? They see some things, eh? Well, the girl that waxed my back at the same place, although I might venture into a whole back lasering situation in the future, but the girl who waxed my back said she lasered your butt, and I was like, well...

We're all great friends now, then. She said that you were quite nervous the first time. You didn't really know what to say. What do you say? I don't know. Yeah. I think we talked about the weather and holidays and stuff. It's weird though when it gets casual and then you're like, how should I?

And then you're just yakking away as someone's lasering your butthole. Yeah, it's weird. Yeah. But so Caitlin's just joined the laser crew. Yeah. Previously to weird. Yeah. But so Caitlin's just joined the laser crew. Yeah. Previously to that waxing. She just told us something and we all immediately like, you can't do that.

Because Caitlin said what? I've been pulling out my pubes. Because the idea of the targeted lasering is that, what does it do? It eventually, like the hair follicle gets shut. That's the follicle. You shave and then you get it lasered and it will grow back within, some will grow back within that six weeks before you go again.

But yeah, the idea is the laser zaps the follicle, so the follicle dies and you can just gently pull them out. Oh, it's so fast. Well, I didn't know that and I was just gently pull them out. Oh, it's so fast. Well, I didn't know that and I was just having fun. Because you could be pulling it out before the follicles like died. Oh, I didn't listen. You're like, look, they just come out.

Yeah, it was fun. I was like, I won't go into it. You weren't listening to instructions. That's what you always tell us off for here at work. Yeah, no, I just wanted to be a rebel once, okay? No, I don't know. I just, I think it was in the booklet and I didn't read it properly. I promise I've been doing everything else.

You should have seen me the night before. You haven't been exposing it to sun, have you? No. No. The shaving was the hardest part, guys. I like cuts. Yeah. Careful.

Yeah. So you shave before you go. And then when it zaps, the stubble. Yeah. It zaps a little. Yeah. Yeah. So you shave before you go. And then when it zaps, the stubble. Yeah. It zaps a little. Right. Okay. But you need to, yeah, you've got to be careful.

Shaving cream. The region. Blood vessels must be very close to the surface, having previously nicked a scrote. Does that mean we're all like laser influencers? Laser fluences. Yeah. It's got to be a better name than that. It feels like.

My underarms are so, I haven't, look, I haven't shaved that. Can you see? Yeah, I've got a lot of reflection off the window. Don't pull your t-shirt down too much. Do you want to see your hair? No, no. Do you think I need to get my top lip lasered? No.

Are we there yet? We have an agreement. We've got an agreement. I'll tell you when you've got a hairy upper lip lasered? No. Are we there yet? We have an agreement. We've got an agreement. I'll tell you when you've got a hairy upper lip. What were you going to tell me? Because we had a mutual. We had to agree to a mutual. Was it your ears or your nose?

I'd taken care of that already. Oh, yeah. Okay, no. Very, very cautious about that. Let me have a look. Oh, no. Okay. Nah.

Oh, thank God. Okay. That's good to know. Nah, Oh, thank God. Okay. That's good to know. Nah, nah, nah. Good to have that agreement with friends. It is, yeah. No, you're right. You're fine.

Okay. I can give it six months. Aww. Married at First Sight Australia. It wraps up tonight with the reunion show. And joining us tomorrow morning on the phone. Melissa. Mal.

What's his laugh? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. I watched this last night. I haven't watched any of it. But I sat down with Sade last night and watched it. And I was, like, appalled. Like, it's from start to end was full of the sort of behaviour that we are actively discouraging people

not to partake in. There was bullying. There was like slanderous name calling. There was like a group of people sitting on an individual. It was like everything as a parent and I'm sure as just a normal member of society, you discourage other people from doing.

And I know the producers have said, oh, we can't do another season like this. It was all a bit too much. I think that's the draw of it, is that you're like, what is wrong with these people the whole time? But then you're the, yeah. But you're feeding into it.

You, sure, but what about people that just think, oh, I saw this behaviour on TV, so like this, and they're like real people from everyday walks of life. This wasn't a work of fiction. This was how they acted.

So, is it alright to act like this? And that's why the reunion show's cool because all the people who have acted, their behaviour's been very poor throughout the whole series get called out and get to watch it back

and get to hear what everyone thinks of them. But yeah, I hear what you're saying. And also it puts it out to a whole nation like, I don't know any of their names. Martha was one of them I saw last night and there's a blonde girl who started with one partner and ended up with another one.

Jess, yeah. They're not going to be able to walk down the street. No. Granted, they might be terrible people, but on a very small scale. But now the whole of Australia, they're not going to be able to walk down the street either. I don't know why anyone goes on these shows, to be honest. I'm always like, oh, what are you doing?

You've messed with the experiment. You didn't go on, you really didn't go on there for any other reason than Instagram followers, did you? Some of them. And then it's just, yeah, it was just toxic to watch. Cam and Jules found love. And I don't think Jules was on there for Instagram followers. After that, I watched a bit more of Our World and they were like animals fighting.

And I was like, I like these guys. They kind of just. It's not really any different though. This is the natural programming. Yeah, Married at First Sight is the latest Edinburgh documentary. Well, it's funny you should mention Martha because it was her slight discussion at the dinner party with her partner that I wanted to talk about.

It was under her breath, so I'm going to play you the audio. I'll explain afterwards in case you can't hear what happened, but here's the little discussion. Babe, babe, babe. Babe, babe. If you talk to Cyrel again, I'll lose my shit. Just talk to me. I don't care.

Wow. So Martha just really laid down the law there. Michael is not allowed to even talk to Cyrel. So Martha and Cyrel had beef because you guys aren't up with the play. Serious beef. It's come to physical blows. Like, it's really bad. But Michael actually talked to Cyrel and Martha wasn't having it.

So she was like, if you talk to him again, I'm going to lose my shit. Right. So I was like, man, she's angry. That's so full on. But then when I thought about it, if you had beef with someone and your partner was like being friendly and having discussions like la la la. Oh, I wouldn't be happy. You would expect them to adopt your beef, right? And support you.

I mean, I don't agree with what she's, I don't like Martha myself. But do you have any beef with someone in Mr. Toyboy? So I have, I'm not going to tell you who the beef is. Right. But yes, he came into contact with a couple of people and was like talking to them, having bants, and then came back and told me that they had good bants. And I was like, no, you can't.

No, no, no. Just be civil if you have to. He doesn't have beef with them. You do. He shouldn't have to have your beef. No, but my beef should be his beef, right? He should be like, well, they did you wrong, so they've done me wrong.

Is that right? This is what I want to discuss. Yeah. Have you had a situation like that, Vaughan? Like a shared beef? Yeah. No, I think Shardana and I have got this good balance where if I don't like someone, she'll be like,

well, I won't even worry about them. Like, don't let it worry you. And then I do the she'll be like, well, I won't even worry about them. Like, don't let it worry you. And then I do the same to her. I'm like, don't even worry about it. No, that drives me nuts because my husband's always like, they're not on your level. Just forget about it. I'm like, no!

You've got to back me. If there's ever a case where we both don't like someone, it's like this insane tornado. Black hole. We're just... But if you had serious beef with someone, there's a number, and

Sade went over and was like having friendly bants, would you be like, no. Oh, I just don't think she would. Right. But then this was a weird situation, this dinner party, because that one that she had beef with was just targeting him. Right in front of him. Yeah, for chats. And was talking about how cute he was and stuff.

So, yeah. I mean, again, I don't like the way that Martha goes about it, but I did want to discuss this morning. If you have beef, do you expect your partner to adopt the beef as well? Oh, how cute is this? Somebody said, whenever we see someone I don't like in public, my boyfriend always says, do we still hate them? I love it.

Okay, so you want people to call with their opinion on this? Yeah. Okay, maybe you've got an example of this. Yeah. 0800-DARLS-IT-IN, 9696. You can text us now. Do you expect your partner to adopt your beef too? We're talking about whether your partner should adopt your beef.

If you've got beef with someone, should they be on board with you or can they make their own mind up about it? Is it petty? Well, some people have said you're petty, Megan, because you've had this with Mr. Toyboy. Somebody said if anyone's calling Megan petty, they've obviously just never had a proper beef. Yes.

It says more about the level of beefiness. Is anyone else thinking about real yum beef dishes while we're talking about this as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like black bean. Like a cooked brisket. Or like a short rib. I was thinking of Thai beef as well.

Especially to take it to food. But lots of people are saying it's a girl thing. What about you, Fletch? Would you adopt someone's beef? Would you expect someone to adopt your beef? I'd adopt your beef. Have I done that on twice? No, we all adopt each other's beef, don't we?

We're all very beef. Or sometimes you tell me I'm being petty. And then sometimes you'll tell us, you'll be like, don't even worry about it. It's good to have someone around that's like, don't let it get to you, don't let it worry you. You know those couples that egg each other on and everything and they just become over-dramatised for everything?

So those aren't healthy.aitlin just talked to my ear just what happened what are you doing are you i'm sorry i was looking at ross bloody ross what does this can you hear me yeah i'm gonna hear you now but that's sorry i thought there was a... Sorry, I was talking to Ross. Major issue. So some other text messages in. Somebody said, my husband adopts my beef, but sometimes he'll call out my behaviour. Having your back also means not letting you behave like a dick. Yeah.

So like beef to within reason. Sarah, you've got some beef at the moment. Okay, so at the moment, I'm having a bit of beef with my sister-in-law. Okay. My partner has decided to completely disown his whole family over it. Oh, my God. So he's siding with you and your beef, even though he's related to the other side.

Yeah, and I haven't asked him to do this either. This is his own choice, 100%. Wow. But does the beef also semi-involve him, or is it purely you and her? Oh, well, she started saying a bit of stuff about me, and that affected him in a way, and it upset him hearing that. Of course. Because he loves you.

And so he's on your side? Yeah. Okay. We're actually moving out of where we currently are because of the situation, and it was his choice. He's asked us to move away from his family even further. Wow. Wow, okay.

So he's all on your side for this, babe. Sarah, thanks for your call. Somebody text messaged in, my husband will not only adopt my beef, but he'll add some gravy. I'm imagining that's why he takes it on board, but then he also finds further reasons to make it more beefy. Yeah. My husband knows better reasons to make it more beefy. Yeah. My husband knows better than to not adopt my beef.

Otherwise, I will not only have beef with that person, I will now have beef with my husband for not adopting my beef. Oh, right. So he's just got to. Yeah. You've just got to find someone that's willing to beef or not beef, depending on your beefiness. I'm off.

Get it started. I'm off. Get it started. Get it started. Don't get fleshed outed. Ha! Don't get fleshed outed in here. on your beefiness. Please don't dab to that song, Megan. I'm going to roll a double dab if you're cooking up. You always dab with one arm.

It's really hard to dab the opposite arm. You've got a dominant dabber. I'm only dabbing because my kids are dabbing again. Okay, right. It's an ironic dab, is it? Okay. Well, last time in the lounge we tried to replicate the death drop that Laura Daniel does on that Dancing with the Stars promo. I want to be able to do a death drop.

I know, I just hurt myself quite a bit. I banged my head on the ground. How do you warm up to that? Also, you're doing that in a trailer for Dancing with the Stars. You're going to win that, aren't you? Don't even come near me. I don't want to do it in a death drop. They should just call the series off and just give it to her on the death drop alone.

I am. She'll be losing the audience. She's just like, I'm freestyling in a death drop. Blah, blah, blah. Ten stars. So yesterday, Fletch and I were walking. We're holding hands, but that's not... That's beside the point.

And to laced fingers? Of course. And we were skipping. I didn't want him getting away on me. Mostly because he always walks out of traffic lights. We were actually hoping to run into Israel Folau, Megan, but it didn't happen. No such luck.

Maybe next time. Start kissing your friends of the same gender and hair pairs. If you see Israel Folau, just kiss. Homophobic genie. Whoever you're with. And that's the rubbing of his lamp. Maybe secretly he likes it. I think he does.

He doesn't quite know how to process it. So we were walking and we walked past a new coffee shop and immediately I just felt Fletcher's hand go tense. We weren't holding hands. But if we were, it would have been a tense in the hand. Oh, for F's sake.

And I'm like, what's wrong? And he's like, this place is new. I've been walking past this every day. I've been waiting for it to open and look at their signage.

And I was like, oh, it's not what I would have chosen for the font and that was all. He went on. I went on. He went in and on.

I know. So I thought, don't get Fletch started on opening a new business and picking a bad font. Okay, so this coffee store was using, is it Papyrus? Is that the one that James Cameron used for the Avatar titles? Which again was weird,

eh? Like, you're doing a movie, this big blockbuster movie, and you're like, oh, what font? Oh, let me just scroll down Microsoft whatever. Oh, yeah. And then you use Papyrus. Papyrus. Which you might not know it, but if you've seen it,

businesses use it all the time. It's controversial. It's out there with businesses that use Comic Sans. Like I'm not even a graphic designer, but God, I don't know why it gets me, it's not my business. Do you know there's a Comic Papyrus? It's like a baby of Comic Sans.

No. Yeah, that's not. No, there's not. So it's just like, if you're a business, like you just opened a cafe, Megan, did that cross your mind that here's the logo that we're using, here's how people are going to judge our business.

You shouldn't just open up Microsoft Word and just randomly pick a crappy font. You know what I mean? I had so much anxiety showing you our logo because I was like, oh my God, what if they don't like the font? Knowing that you're font snobs. So it's based on Helvetica.

It's a very, you can't go wrong with a traditional. Straight forward. Friends would never let friends open a cafe with Comic Sans. God no. You wouldn't be friends with someone who thought that that was a good idea. You often see plumbers driving along and they're like, you know, well 24 hours

call out, unblock drains, it's all in Comic Sans, I'm not trusting you to unblock anything. I'm not calling you. Because you've got Comic Sans. I know you might like a joke, You're light-hearted, but serious Well, what if they had great Google reviews? I can tell by your font you like a joke You like a light-hearted conversation. Yeah, but no. I don't know why it gets me so angry. It's not my business

I don't care, but I just you know what I mean? So do you know the person that created Comic Papyrus? They did it as a troll to the font community. They were like the two sexiest fonts ever made of her baby. And it's just for you graphic designers. Comic Papyrus. See, the font that you use is a type of Helvetica for your cafe. It's really nice. It's actually a documentary.

I've never seen it, but it's called Helvetica. I went in and I was like, well, I consider myself quite the font snob. And I started, I was like, man, this is boring. And it was quite a boring documentary about Helvetica. Well, if you think it's boring, it really is. Yeah. I mean, it taught me about like when you see like sans serif or like something serif. Serifs are those little things on the bottom.

That are meant to catch your eye, aren't they? Yeah. And they look like it's helping it balance. But sans serif means it doesn't have that. It'll just finish. Right. That's what I learned from that documentary. But does anybody, am I just alone in this?

No, no, I 100% agree. I pass a huge amount of judgment on a business for its font. We're being font shamed now because everyone's texting and saying it's papyrus. Oh, papyrus. Papyrus. Like that fruit. What's that fruit?

That's a papaya. Papaya. I love those. Papyrus. They're expensive. Papyrus. Papyrus. Like that fruit. What's that fruit? That's a papaya. Papaya. I love those. Papyrus. They're expensive. Papyrus. I don't know how to say things. Papyrus.

Sorry, apologies. What's that other one? Is it Tahoma? That other font? See, I don't know how to say. There's lots of fonts. Do you like Tahoma or not like Tahoma? Oh, I don't mind it.

I use Calibri. So how do you say it? Calibri is the default Microsoft Word now. Remember when it was Times New Roman? Whatever happened to Times New Roman? What are you doing with yourself now, fella? Yeah, it's probably just in newspapers. Oh, no, look at Times New Roman now.

It looks very formal. Yeah, right. It looks very formal. I'm glad tonight I'm not alone in the judgment. There's no bigger time waster than deciding on what font you're going to use. I'd still go to that cafe, though, and I don't think I'd... No, I don't think so.

Unless it was Avatar themed, but then I wouldn't go based on the fact it's Avatar themed, so I didn't like that movie. You're going to trust someone to make you Moccatinio if they've used a, what is it? A papyrus. Papyrus.

Yeah. You go in, they're painted blue, they've got a ponytail they have to plug into the coffee machine to get it to work. That's unbelievable. I'm just like, you guys have gone full on with your whole dedication to this thing. All right. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

Just before, Megan, we get to your advice. Yes. Some text messages in. Re-font. I'm not alone. Re-font. Oh, heck no. Listen to this.

Okay. I just started a new job and my contract arrived in the mail. Comic sans for the whole contract. I nearly quit before I started. That's a legal document, right? Surely the lawyer would have been like, hey, suggestion. Use a more professional font. I'm just imagining a lawyer who's a little bit like,

don't think of me as a lawyer. Think of me as your paperwork advisor. Do you reckon in court there's ever been like a murder or something and it's been like exhibit A? Font related. And there's been like a little exhibit A. Right. They got their wedding invites printed without consulting their partner

and they used Comic Sans. And that, Your Honour, is why she killed him. Not guilty. Somebody said, our CFO at work uses Comic Sans in his PowerPoint presentations. I usually have to leave as I can't contain myself

and I once got in trouble for asking if this was a year 10 project. I like you. Yes, I know. Somebody else said, I'm a plumber and one day I want to start my own business. I'd never thought about the fonts.

I'll have to have them on the side of my van. Thank you for the advice and down with Comic Sans. Good. Somebody else said, I've never said fonts names out loud before. It's so weird. Which is true.

That's why we've been calling papyrus papyrus for so long. I'm the same. You never, because you're always in your head. You're scrolling down the menu. You're like. Oh, yeah. It's Ariel. It's Ariel, right?

Ariel. Ariel. Ariel. Ariel. Like the mermaid. Royal. What about Avenir? You know Avenir? Avenir is, by the way, Avenir is a nice font.

Got a lot of time for Avenir. Okay. A lot of time. For a little bit of Avenir. Speaking of domestic disputes, this is the cause of so many divorces and actually so many domestic, like when you're breaking down assets,

this is the major thing that people are arguing about these days. And it's nothing to do with money. And it's led to the rise of a different prenuptial agreement. So before you get married, if you have a pet, you need to think about getting a petnup. Now, when I got divorced the first time, yeah, I didn't have a pet. But now I do. I have a dog.

So, I hadn't actually thought about the fact that if you break up, like... Because it's... With a normal marriage breakup,

you split everything. Split the assets. 50-50. Well, yeah, depends. Depends on the argument. Yeah. But yeah, you have to break down

the assets, who's going to get what, and of course, you've got a pet. So, are you going to... And lots of people do custody agreements to get what. And of course, you've got a pet. So are you going to... And lots of people do custody agreements, just like kids. This sounds like a hilarious rom-com.

We'll saw the pet in half. Or clone. No, you wouldn't clone the pet because who gets the clone and who gets the original. But yeah, more than money. Apparently, the biggest bone of contention in divorces these days is a family pet. So even just normal relationships, you can have a pet and up. True. If you get a pet, you haven't even got married to someone, it might be relationships, you can have a pet and up. True. If you get a pet,

you haven't even got married to someone, it might be a good idea to get a pet and up. So 90 animal custody disputes a day with breakups. Is this in the US or UK? Right, okay. Is what they're dealing with. If you and Mr. Toyboy, I'm not saying that it's on the rocks or anything,

but if it was to tomorrow end, who gets Leo the googly-eyed dog? Don't call him googly-eyed. Leo the googly-eyed dog. Someone messaged me yesterday and said, bullying is not okay no matter what species. So you just think about that. I mean, he can't understand what you're saying. He can't understand what I'm saying.

Who's a googly-eyed dog? If I say it in a nice enough tone, he'll be like, who's got big googly eyes? He doesn't have big googly saying. Who's a big boogly-eyed dog? If I say it in a nice enough tone, I'll be like, who's got big boogly eyes? He doesn't have big boogly eyes. Who's got big googly boogly eyes? Whose eye stick keeps out of their ear? No, you're bullying him. But you say you'd get him,

but Mr. Toyboy loves him. In all honesty, we'd have to do a custody agreement. Because you do. Would you? He wouldn't want him. I wouldn't want him. I'd want my goats.

That's all I'd want. Cats and dogs could go. We would end up having some sort of custody agreement. I'd use my goats. That's all I'd want. Cats and dogs could go. We would end up having some sort of custody agreement. I'd use it for like, what do they call it? Like leverage. Yeah. I'd be like, I loved that dog.

They're like, no, you didn't. I'd be like, I did enough that I want the TV. No, he loves him. Well, just as much as I do. But you do hear about couples that when they do split up, they'll give the dog, they'll have a week each with the dog or a month on and off with the dog. Yeah.

Isn't that crazy? Oh, you'd want to do like a month because then you'd have to see them every week to do the handover. Yeah, yeah. Ugh. You could pop them in the post. Just make sure you get one of those bubble-wrapped bags because they're a bit fragile, dogs.

Could you give them to the courier and just put a tag on his collar and be like, give that to him? If you live just down the road, you might be able to talk to your local, like, male person to just take them for a run down the road to the next place. Start ripping in and getting into all the parcels. Oh, yeah, that's true. Cute.

Someone sending dog baskets across town. Fact of the day is about kale. Okay. Yuck. Kale? What kind of kale? Baby kale? Curly kale?

Purple kale? Say what you want about kale, but it's great fried. It's delicious. Kale chips aren't delicious. Can't get it to fry properly. It always just goes soggy. It's so good for you. Put it in a salad. Chop it up. Nah, yuck. but it's great fried um delicious delicious delicious it's so bitter no you're doing it wrong how much japanese man name is the man Manaya mayonnaise. Manaya mayonnaise. You know, Janelle Manayanaise. How much Japanese mayonnaise are you allowed to use on kale before the Japanese mayonnaise unhealthiness outweighs the healthiness of the kale?

I don't think any. A drop. Oh, this bloody. There's no such thing as a balance. Why is Japanese mayonnaise so young? Manayanaise, because it's just bad. No, but it's different than our mayonnaise. But it's different. Like here, right?

Yeah. Because they always like do those real like little stringy bits on like sushi and I'm always like, that's so yum. Japanese mayo,

let's look into this and how is it different from American mayonnaise? It's called Kewpie mayonnaise. Oh, this is quite a lengthy article. I like getting that

Japanese mayo has egg yolks and apple or rice vinegar. Most American mayo has whole eggs, distilled vinegar, salt, and sugar. How can just egg yolks be so delicious? I don't know. But anyway, it is super delicious. You're right.

It's better than our standard mayonnaise. Best Foods mayonnaise needs to get into the Japanese mayonnaise business. Yeah. Anyway, this isn't a fact of the day about mayonnaise. Before 2013, who do you think was the largest single consumer of kale in the world? America. No, like a specific company. Oh, like a salad.

A salad distributor. A packaged salads place. No. Something unhealthy. Yep. Is it massive? Yep. Do we get them here?

Dunkin' Donuts. We used to have them much bigger here. We've still got them here. Starbucks. I'll just tell you because this could take a while. Pizza Hut. Used to be the largest consumer of kale. None of it really ended up on pizzas or in their salad bar.

It was primarily a garnish. They had it. What? They had the salad bars would pack kale around the bowls. Have you ever been to like, have you ever seen parsley being used? Like in barbecue competitions, they use parsley as like this beard, this beautiful green beard to provide contrast to the cooked meat in the middle. It's all about presentation, how tightly packed it is.

So they'd do that except they'd use kale. The real twisty kale, not baby kale. It doesn't wilt like lettuce. No. Yeah, okay. It doesn't wilt. It lasts a little bit longer. And prior to 2013, which is when kale kind of became a superfood and hipsters started putting it everywhere.

Like in food. Not like up their bums or anything. I didn't mean like, it's got no... I was thinking like a kale mask, but okay. Yeah, well, a kale, that might probably be actually pretty good. Or like, I know when breastfeeding cabbage leaves under the breasts can...

Stop the... Stop the mastitis. It just helps. I think it calms the whole situation. So I don't know if kale also has that situation. But now there's different things around the world. Like there's a kale eating competition in New York. This year's winner of the kale eating competition

ate 25 and a half cups of kale in eight minutes. But do you know the weird thing about it? It's got a picture of all the competitors in the kale eating competition. They're in like worse shape than the people you see winning the hot dog eating competition how does that

work see this is why I'm saying there's not enough unless they've gone too hard on the Japanese mayonnaise they might be

but today's fact of the day is before 2013 Pizza Hut was the biggest consumer of kale worldwide fact of the day

day day, day, day, day, day. The government announced yesterday it's going to fund the costs of getting a driver's licence for people on youth benefits. Okay. Because I guess that's good because sometimes you might not be able to afford to learn to drive. Yeah, exactly. And most jobs require you to have a driver's licence. I heard somebody on Talkback having a where. If you can't afford your licence, how can you afford a care?

It's not about affording a care. How can you afford a care? Why do they say care? care. You can't afford a care. Why did I say care? Care. Like that. I don't know. But it's not about affording a car. You can catch a bus to your job,

but your job might require you to drive at some stage, and they can't have an unlicensed person driving because insurance is through the roof, and obviously then the buck stops with the employer. So it's good. I think it's a great idea. You can just get more people qualified to drive and actually qualified to drive as well.

Yeah. It's not just covering the expense of getting the driver's license, but it's actually getting them taught to drive because they might not have somebody in their life that can teach them to drive. They're not like me. I was taught to drive by various people in my life, but my two granddads were my main pre-licensed instructors on a farm.

You learnt quite early because farms don't count, do they? Yeah. Well, I don't know. They didn't in the 90s. I think they were like a grey area in the 90s. But yeah, we learnt to drive just over hills and in paddocks. A great place to learn to drive because... That's how you physically learnt to drive a car,

but you didn't learn road rules. No. Because there's no road... Rules on the paddock. No, you didn't have to pull into a gateway and give way to you. Did you ever, when you were, because Dad would always take me out, you'd find a car park that was empty. Yeah, the car park.

And then it was safe. Brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, bunny hop around it. Yep. I taught my husband how to drive a manual. What? You know this. We did not know this.

Yes, we did. We did. And my little convertible in the warehouse car park. It's because you only learnt on an automatic. Yeah. It must be hard now learning to drive. There wouldn't be hardly any manuals, right? I still drive a manual.

Yeah, I guess it depends. If you're in a big city, you'd get an automatic because of traffic. Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah. But even in a small city, I'd still get an automatic. But I've driven a manual my whole life. I still drive a manual. It's so annoying. And if you want to do a good skirt, I was still getting automatic. But I've driven a manual my whole life. I still drive a manual. It's so annoying.

And if you want to do a good skirt, skirt, vroom, psh, you've got to have a manual. Skirt, skirt. Skirt, skirt. Skirt, skirt. Vroom, psh. I think those are all still manuals. Yeah.

But, yeah, we just learned to drive. There was no – it's weird thinking – and it's sad, really, that there's because it's kind of also a new zealand rite of passage when you turn whatever age and you get your learners because you can answer a couple of questions right and then from then on you're trusted with this weapon on wheels yeah but you've got to have somebody with you my mum was the worst person though because she had just she highly panicking woman still is. I don't like driving when my mum is a passenger. She has to sit in the back so she can't see.

My mum's terrible. She's like at 60. It's like it's 80. My mum doesn't say anything, but I can feel her tense up. Put on the imaginary brake. Imaginary brake. It's only 50 through here. You're going 60.

This corner lasts longer than you think it does. That was a classic of my mum's growing up. This corner holds. It holds. Okay. Thanks. And we're not in the rally of New Zealand. Right, right.

Hill drop. Right. Hard. Right. Right. It holds. Thank you, Christine. Could we take some calls about those learner driving experiences,

those moments? How bad was your learner driving experiences, those moments? Like how bad was your learner driving? Like did you have a whoopsie? Because I didn't have any whoopsies. No, I didn't have a whoopsie. You were always so attentive and panicky. Well, not panicky, but just like. That's still how you drive.

Yeah. Very like your adrenaline starts pumping the minute you touch a wheel. It's like a rally, isn't it? Well, it's not. Just relax. But I don't know. Did anyone have any whoopsies when they were learning to drive? Could we take some calls?

Maybe your learner test was bad as well. Yeah, those early stages of driving that maybe you took for granted, but some people don't get it. Okay. 0800-DARLS-AT-M-9696. How bad was your learning driving? Gina, good morning. Hi, good morning.

Now, what was your learning to drive whoopsie? So my stepdad thought it would be important to teach me how to pull out of skids and things. So we lived in the country. Yeah. So he took me down into the yard, and there's like a track, sort of like a circle. And we did, you know, drive around in round circles, and he's going, go faster, go faster.

And he'd put me into a skid, and then I'd have to accelerate out. Holy, he was running, Dan was running a drift class. Like, yeah. An advanced driving skill. How old were you at the time? 16. Okay. Okay. Wow. And so then he was like, go faster,

go faster, and there was snow on the ground and it had hardened. Jeez. That's great. This is like one of those Audi camps they take people on every winter up at the snow farm. Yeah. And so then we continued, he's going, go faster, go faster, and eventually

I was a bit scared, so I put my foot down and lost control completely, lost the back and the front, and went head on into a big concrete water tank. Jeez. Were you okay? Did you pass? I was 100% okay. Okay.

And I, like, got out and I was like, oh, shit. Got out and, like, ran back I was like, oh shit. Got out and like ran back to the house to my mum and I was like, um, I just crashed the car. Um,

I don't know what to do because like my stepdad was a real grumpy man so, um, my mum went down to the yard and he was just

standing straight in the middle of the yard laughing like he was sick. Oh, well I was going to say it was his fault, wasn't it? He was eating you on. Yeah.

Didn't he put you into the seat? He did. Gina, thanks. You're cool. Lucy, what was your learning to drive whoopsie? So I was, like, 14, learning to drive in my mum's old Mitsubishi. Lucy, don't you have to be 15? Possibly.

Yeah, okay. Right. So Megan will know where this is in Nelson, like where the old Nauvoo Hospital was. Oh, yeah. Near my house. Yeah, and it's quite

a windy road, so I thought I was quite cool, you know, going around the corners quite fast and stuff. And then I, yeah, mum was in the car and my 12-year-old brother

as well, crashed into a tree and, like, fully smashed up the whole front of the car, like, rode it off. And I was, like, bawling my eyes out and mum was like, it's okay, everything's fine, like, don't worry. My brother's, like, screaming at me, like, really angry. Mum knows they're not realising her 14-year-old will not be insured. Yeah, exactly.

Well, mum jumped back in the car. Oh, my God. Like, the whole front is smashed up, and it's, like, leaking, like, you know, oil and the coolant and stuff. And we still drove. She drove to the supermarket and, like, still, like, stopped and went in and got a bottle of wine. She needed it.

And so we're sitting, like, in the car park. Me and my brother with, like, this half-meshed up car. My mum goes in to get a bottle of wine. Are you a better driver now, Lucy? I hope so, yeah. Yeah, okay. Hey, Lucy, thanks for your call. Some text messages in about your learning to drive situations.

I was 15, learning to drive situations. I was 15 learning to drive through a roadworks area and mum screamed cone, cone every time we passed the cone. And there were hundreds of cones. So she was just like cone, cone, cone, cone. What did she think? You hadn't seen them. I swerved to avoid the cones because

she was making such a fuss. I swerved too much and smacked into the roadworks sign. It fell over and hit a road worker on the head. To this day, I still blame mum. The road worker was fine and I said,

sorry, my mum kept yelling cone. I can see them, mum. They're bright orange. And I can see them coming. Yeah. They're just sitting there. Oh, I thought you said

you could see the mum. And I could too in my head. I'd imagine very much like a mum. Ask the manager haircut. Yeah. She's just had it done. Shell with a little twist manager haircut. Yeah. She's just had it done. Shell with a little twist in it.

She's got no time for this. Get her home and get her a nice room temperature glass of Chardonnay to calm her nerves. My dad refused to let me use L plates when I was learning to drive with him in because he said it made him look like a loser. I'm not looking like a loser. I'm not looking like a loser. I'm not doing that. I do laugh when you see a parent that's driving their car around and they've still got the hour plates on because CBF's taking them down.

Yeah. Who can absolutely be bothered? Somebody said, I was learning to drive and I pulled into our tanker track, so that's where the milk tanker goes in to get the milk. And Dad was like, watch out for the tanker. They're like, Dad, it's not like I'm going to hit the tanker. A milk tanker. Oh my God.

Yeah, a car you're learning to drive and it's never going to come off better than a milk tanker and a milk tanker.