ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - April 15 2019

Episode Date: April 14, 2019

Happy Game Of Thrones day! Vaughan was bitten by a kid and what hobbie did you take up because of your partner?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music. Lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Thank you, Arnie. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Zero sleep still. Game of Thrones. The day is upon us. And do you know what? Producer Caitlin, at the weekend, you finished all seven seasons. Yeah, I essentially watched a season and a half. When did you start watching from the beginning? Probably like two and a half months ago. Wow.

That's still, isn't it 67 hours or something? Something like that. It was a lot. It was a big haul. Well done. Thank you. Well done. Probably your best life accomplishment to date.

You've done charity work in multiple countries, but that would be, I'd be right up there. I'm so proud of you. Right up there. And of course, a long weekend not too far away,

Easter. Good Friday this Friday. And that means the long weekend group two. And it's the first long weekend of 2019 that the entire nation we've had the regional weekends.

Waitangi fell in the middle. Yep. And she's going to be beautiful. So you've got the long weekend group too. Do join us for the long weekend group too. Do join us. Do join us. Do join us.

All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Three news headlines. Vaughan and Megan pick one of the following three headlines. Okay. Too blinged out. Headline one. Can you ever be too blinged out?

It turns out, Megan, yes, you can. You can. Okay. Headline two. Friends prank puts man in hospital. And headline three. Man exits plane the emergency way. Oh, dear.

Oh. Did he get to set off the slide? Lifelong dream. I know it is. Lifelong dream. Yeah. Set off the slide. Lifelong dream.

Too blinged out. I like too blinged out. Yeah. I'm not against too blinged out. Okay. Eddie, we'd like to lock in too blinged out. Too blinged out. Okay.

All right. We go to Germany now in Berlin where authorities, police pulled over. Let me see. This is a Porsche. A Porsche Propzer. Or a Panamera. Panamera? What's that?

You can tell I've never driven a Porsche. You're asking us. What's the, say it again? Porsche what? Panamera. Panamera? What's that? I mean, you can tell I've never driven a Porsche. You're asking us. What's the, say it again? Porsche what? Panamera. P-A-N-A-Mera. Panamera. Panamera.

Porsche Panamera. Oh, it's a four-door Porsche. It's a four-door Porsche, but it's not an SUV, eh? No, no, no. It's kind of like a... It looks like a Porsche, a traditional, like, awesome-looking Porsche car, but it's got those four-door ones. Yeah, it's a bit longer in the backseat area.

Well, police pulled over this car for being too blinged out. I'm going to show you a photo. Holy moly. It's gold. Gold chrome? It's gold. Yeah, it's like a gold chrome. And I don't know if it's been wrapped in vinyl

or they actually had it painted in gold chrome, but they said that the reflective gold foil finish might blind other drivers and was a danger. And so they've been told to remove the foil and re-register the car. So they de-registered it. They took it off the road. Their version of a, what do you get?

A pink sticker or a red sticker? Yellow sticker? Yellow sticker. I don't know. Again, I've never had one. I just see them on the side of the motorway and there's a big sticker. Ooh, sticker. Ooh.

Naughty. So, because I've seen the occasional car in New Zealand, it's like silver, like chromium reflective. And I have thought that too, like a bit of sunstrike. Yeah. Bounce off the car in front of you to get you right in the eyes. But that's like super blingy. That's super, yeah, it's

very shiny. You always see people with like odd coloured cars, like I don't know, like bright purple or Yeah. Yeah, and I'm always like, oh that's nice, but I'm trying to sell that. Yeah, or just, no. Is it nice though? I mean, sure you'd buy the one being sarcastic.

Somebody painted that purple, Megan. Someone will buy that purple. You've got to find the one person that's into it as much as you are. Oh, and you will because you know they've got a purple car search saved on Trade Me. It's sitting there and it is ready for them to buy some good purple car. Flesh Fauna Megan, the podcast, ZM. Oh, well, after last week's situation with someone whose first name is Israel, it was good to see Israel's claiming some back over the weekend.

Israel Adesanya won the UFC. He won his UFC to win the interim middleweight title. Now, I'm not even going to start to claim to know anything about UFC. Okay, because that's what I was about to ask you. I'm not jumping on the bandwagon and pretending I do. What does UFC stand for? Ultimate Fisty Cuffs Chicken. Well, it's in the old cockfighting ring, isn't it?

The old cage. Ultimate Fighting Chickens. Ultimate Fisty Cuffs. Ultra Fisty Cuffs. Yeah, right. Ultimate Fighting Championship? It's hard to watch. Well, I find it hard to watch. Me too. Yeah, right. Ultimate fighting championship? Like, it's hard to watch. Well, I find it hard to watch.

Me too. It is ruthless. Anytime someone's kneeing someone in the head, or like trying to jump up and pop, pop, it's, oh, yeah, nah. It's pretty intense. Yeah, it's all very well. I always think that with boxing and all of those,

like, fighting things, it's all very well punching someone, but someone's trying to punch you back at the same time and then you'd get one in the face and be like, oh, I don't want to do this anymore. So what's he won? A belt. James, do you know anything?

And some money. I've got some money. We might need to go to James. It's a real blingy belt. At the sports desk. Yeah, it is. It's like a wrestling belt. So it's the middleweight belt.

So in order for him to be middleweight, he has to be between 70 and 77 kg. So anyone within that kg can fight him. Right, okay. It's interim because the guy that had the belt hasn't been fighting for a while. So they're like, you're not going to fight for it. So we're going to take it off you.

Oh, is that controversial? So the guy he beat wasn't already holding the belt? No, it was no ones at the moment. So now that he's won that,

the other guy who had the belt is actually an Australian. So they reckon the big fight for Israel and the Australian

is going to be New Zealand. So that would be kind of cool. If I had the belt, I wouldn't want to fight anyone either. I'd be like,

it's mine now. I'd put it in my third draw down and say, I'm not getting it. That's where I'd put my belts. That's where I'd put my belts. Yeah, so they think that will be, yeah, in New Zealand, which is probably like the biggest UFC fight ever in New Zealand. He's Israel Adesanya's 1.93m. So quite tall.

Tall. For his weight. And he went so quite tall for his weight. And he went to Oto to a boy's height. Great. What the hell's happening there? What does UFC stand for? It's not Ultimate Fighting Chicken? Ultimate Fighting Championship. It is.

It is Ultimate Fighting, yeah, yeah. Not chicken, championship. Yeah. Okay. Producer Caitlin, your boyfriend wanted to watch this yesterday But you made him watch Game of Thrones I know And he was like sad

Because he was like Oh my god babe This is New Zealand Go 1 But we had lots of Game of Thrones to watch Yeah He That's his thing He does it every Sunday with the boys

He watches UFC With the boys With the boys With the boys. With the boys. With the boys. And he goes to the pub to watch it. I was going to say, you go to the pub to watch it. Yeah. Not paying a $40 pay-per-view every week, you know.

No. But you happily spend $40 on beers at the pub. It's a weird thing we do. All right. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Hello there. There has been revelations that if you've got an Alexa, an Amazon Alexa in your house,

people may have been listening to what you've been saying to it. But then I've also heard that listening when you're not even talking to Alexa. It's very creepy. So I'm reading up a bit about this. There's been 100 million Alexas sold. So, I mean, there's a lot. And apparently they're saying that they have people around the world listening to voice recordings so that they can better train Alexa on speech recognition. Right.

Right. Do we believe that? People have said, a couple of ex-employees or current have said that they thought they heard a sexual assault and were told they weren't allowed to do anything about it. Wow. How did they hear a sexual assault? So that, obviously,

somebody's not... Alexa, call the police. I don't know. I don't know if Alexa can... I also apologize if anybody's using an Alexa Right now And it's going crazy And it's calling the police Apparently

That didn't happen Apparently you can change Your settings So that it doesn't Collect information Right So it probably might be Good to do that

So we'll look into that After the show today Something you need to do For the school holidays Kids today We're going to programme Alexa To not spy on us And sell our details

So the top six things Alexa spies heard though On the more boring side of things. Number six, Alexa, TV off. Alexa, TV on. Alexa, TV off. This is an argument that happens in our house. I'm like, dinner. Alexa, TV off.

And then you just hear from the lounge, Alexa, TV back on. I'm like, oh, we've got a defiant one, do we? Can you set it up so it doesn't listen to your kids? Yeah, so it only recognises your voice. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. Okay. Maybe. Interesting. Alexa, never listen

to the kids ever. Ignore child's voices. Number five on the list of the top six boring things Alexa's heard you say. Alexa, what's the time? Because you might have a watch on your arm and a phone in your pocket, but there's something satisfying about having Alexa read the time to you. Yeah.

And you can ask for the time anywhere in the world too. What's the time right now in Hawaii? Oh, that's handy. And then it would tell you. Megan, you could have used that just moments ago when you asked us what time it was in Coachella. In Coachella land. In Coachella land.

Number four on the list of the top six things Alexa spies heard that were more boring than scandal. Alexa, what's the weather doing today? I do this all the time. Our Alexa's right by our window. To talk to it, I have to look at it with a window in the background. Alexa, what's the weather doing today? Is that the thing you ask it the most about the weather all the time?

In the weekend, I get up, I go, Alexa, newsflash. And it tells me what's happening in the news. Oh, okay. You feel quite like you're getting, and then you put your toast in your raggedy-ass old toaster and you're like, I'm not Tony Stark after all. There's this little Iron Man feeling to getting a computer to read out the news of the day. Number three on the list

of the top six boring things Alexa heard. Alexa, what's the recipe for pancakes? Alexa, I'm going to need a simpler recipe for pancakes. Alexa, I don't have any of those ingredients. Can you please order me pancakes? I've not got ours. I don't know if ours. I think I've heard someone using Uber Eats on it.

Really? Yeah. So you can go into, I know Ross Boss is a bit of an Alexa fiend. Oh, he's got his whole house like automated. Yeah. He bought light switches that he can just talk to his phone and it turns them off. Oh, I've got those smart bulbs, but I don't have an Alexa or anything else to work them. Those smart bulbs?

Yeah. Aren't they really expensive? Yeah. What happened? No, I got them as like a gift when I signed up to a new power company. Power company. I was like, oh my God, I'm going to get these light bulbs.

Well, power company, I would consider changing for some, I really want those. Because then you can say things like Alexa lights panic mode and the house will flash red and blue lights. Right. Or you can be like, Alexa, love making mode, and it'll be like a soft read.

And Alexa will play you some tunes. There's lots to do there. Speaking of playing tunes, this is easily in our household. Number two on today's top six things Alexa spies heard. Alexa, play the Greatest Showman soundtrack. Oh, God. Again. This is the greatest show.

5,000. That's what I always like. The kids are like, come on, isn't the greatest showman? I'm like, oh, okay, and then put it on, but I'm the first one singing. Are you going to go see Hugh Jackman? Yeah, I really do want to. Yeah, I kind of want to too. That's a great soundtrack, even if you haven't seen it, Fletch. You're not a big? Yeah, I really do want to. Yeah, I kind of want to too. That's a great soundtrack.

Even if you haven't seen it, Fletch. You're not a big musical guy though. No. No. Wacky radio idea. We make Fletch watch The Greatest Showman. And then put on a show dressed as the ringleader of a circus. This is a stupid idea.

Absolutely stupid. And just skulk around being like, this is a great show. You know if you don't want to do something on radio, I is a stupid idea. Absolutely stupid. And just skulk around being like this is a great show. You know if you don't want to do something on radio you go, I'd absolutely love to.

I would love to do that. It sounds so great. Yeah. And number one on today's top six things Alexa spies have heard on the

more boring end of things. Alexa, are you capable of getting me a glass of water yet? Because today Alexa can bring you a

glass of water to the couch so you don't even have to leave. Oh, that'd be great. Could Alexa team up with your robot vacuum cleaner? No, it would still need to turn the tap on. Okay, we're not quite there yet. We're not quite there yet. That is today's top six.

Blackout movie. This is why. Fat. This is why. Fat. This is why. This is why. This is why of an Easter edition. Okay.

And it's vegan friendly. But this is a vegan treat. I mean. But that always tricks me when there's like sweet treats and they're like vegan friendly. I'm always like, cool. But like in my head, I'm like, it's healthy. But it doesn't mean there's like. It doesn't mean it's healthy.

No, because there's still hates of sugar in it. And this isn't in New Zealand, but it can be shipped anywhere in the world. It's a UK company, has created Fudginas. Fudge. Go on.

It sounds like you're saying fudge mixed with vagina, but I'll hear you out. Give me the benefit of the doubt. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. You're not peddling that sort of sinful filth around here. It's a vegan-friendly fudge, and it is moulded into the shape of a vagina.

Oh. Just in time for Easter. Yeah, actually, this has been since December, but there is an Easter edition. So strawberry, chocolate, and vanilla can be shipped anywhere in the world. And then Easter, they have filled it with like a cream egg filling. Right. Yeah.

What? Have you got a picture? Yeah, like the... Is it... Hmm. Is it moulded? Is it moulded off one? Oh, no.

Whose is it? It's just moulded to like a generic kind of... Oh, it's like an artistic interpretation of your average looking. Is that upside down? No. It's not. You didn't know? I've been looking at them the wrong way.

That's upside down. You might be upside down when you're looking. That's not upside down. That is 100% not upside down. Show me again. The bit at the bottom. The bit at the bottom is. Shouldn't that be the top?

The bit at the bottom is. No, but not upside down because when you look at yours, you're looking down on it. So that is how you'd see it. Ah, yeah. But the rest of us, we see it the other way around. Caitlin, is this upside down? What are you talking about?

So that bit, that's upside down, eh, James? Because you ladies, when you look at your own, that's the... What's that? What? Caitlin, that's not upside down, is it? No. No, because it's not upside down to you, because when you look at it, you're looking at it from the top.

No, as if I'm just standing here, that could go straight on my body. Yeah, exactly. Not at that angle. Oh, my God. And not in that dark chocolate colour. Is that really not upside down? Oh, my God, Vaughn. No wonder.

No, aren't you? You know it's upside down, isn't it? We need to have a grown-up chat after this. Yeah, I don't actually know. She's quite far away from the laptop. What is it that worries me greatly? James, are you googling the diagram? I just looked up a cross-section and...

A topographical cross-section. Hold on, wait a minute. Now I'm googling vagina and I'm going to just... Heads up, IT. What worries me more is that Arnie's confused because you probably haven't seen one for a while, Vaughn, but Arnie's got one. Why don't you look at it from that angle?

I just am familiar with the fact that it's down there. Oh, my God. Okay. Well. Show me one more time. Oh, my God. I mean, it doesn't have to be exact, does it? It's a chocolate bahina.

I think I've misinterpreted what that bottom part is. Yeah, that's the signals I was giving you. That's the, yeah. Yeah, right, okay. I think that's actually, that chocolate's not doing a great job at the bottom there of representing the entire situation as per my experience. Okay.

Now, imagine if they'd modelled it off yours. You can do that. I mean, I've heard. You can do a mould. No, no, but you've got to go completely hairless before you do it Yeah Otherwise, and Well, it's like a face mask, isn't it? You don't want any hair Yeah, you know

Ow Well, just in time for Easter Yeah Chocolate veins This is why Fat This is why This is why

This is why This is why Fat ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Well, apparently egg shortages are coming. That's not great news, given that I've just opened a cafe and we need a lot of eggs. Yeah. Yeah. But the reason for this. Where do you get your eggs from?

The order place. So they come and your eggs from? The order place. So they come and drop off eggs. Yeah. Okay. You order them and they drop them off in big trays. Well, so apparently supermarket and retailers are scrambling and egg suppliers are scrambling. Scrambling.

To keep up with soaring demand. And apparently lately some supermarket shelves have been bare. And Countdown have actually come out and said that this may happen from time to time. Like they're trying their hardest to supply eggs. But there's been such demand for them. And numbers have actually fallen. So free-range and barn hen numbers fell from 4.2 million to 3.6 over the last year because the rules changed.

You're talking about the eggs, not the chickens, right? Or is that how many eggs or how many chickens? That's how many, I'm not sure. How many eggs were produced? I don't know. It just says as a result. That's a lot of chickens. Hen numbers, hen numbers.

Oh, really? So that's chickens. Yeah, hen numbers. And so there have been changes to the rules around caging and delays for resource consents and replacement farms. And, you know, the supermarkets have said from 2025 to 2026, no, we're not doing any cage. Right.

Yeah, because they have to label them all clearly now so you know what you're buying. Yeah. And so, yeah, there's just basically not enough chickens. Because what's the – there's cage and then there's barn and then there's free range free range and then there's side of the motorway good luck finding those which is great because they're like those a they're reading a lot of like scraps that get chucked out of the windows yeah getting a good variety in their diet and they're just like living life scraps that get chucked out of the window, so they're getting a good variety in their diet.

And they're just living life. Look, it could be over any minute. Yeah. Because it literally could. Yeah, those eggs really taste like, whoa, shit, that was close, sort of. So apparently, from time to time, supermarket shelves could be a little bare. Oh. So I don't know if that's going to push prices up, but maybe.

That's generally how that works. Yeah, it is. So they need farm space, that's going to push prices up, but maybe. That's generally how that works. Yeah, it is. So they need farm space, essentially. Is that what they're saying? Because if you've got to let the chickens out, they've got to have somewhere to scratch around. Resource, apparently, they've just got to get approval and get these new places built.

So I should get my chickens then? You're saying now is... Yeah, now is where you need to get your chickens. Now is when I need to get my chickens. So that you can give us eggs. Yeah. Get a lot of chickens. But then, like, I was wondering, you buy chickens,

what's your, like, right amount of chickens? Because on average, they'll lay an egg a day, right? An egg a day, yeah. If they're fed right and looked after and everything. Well, that's the thing. If you've got five chickens, five times seven. That's 35 eggs a week. Yeah, which is enough to give Megan and I some.

That's the thing. I'll be the guy bringing eggs to work. I don't have any problem with that at all. I was thinking like 20 because if I'm going to feed the cafe with your eggs, I'm going to need a few. You could say your cafe like farm grown eggs.

Farm eggs. Like actual farm eggs. I could like name the place and you could say oh it's from Smith's. Oh, you can't say organic. You can't chuck that word around. Smith's Chicken Fun Time Place Eggs. Where the chickens are always having a fun time.

It sounds like if you're going to start a business, you might need like some rules and stuff. Oh, you bureaucrats with your red tape. I can't even supply eggs to a cafe. Other people would be eating and if someone gets sick they'll want to know why. Because how many eggs

would you go through a week? I was trying to figure it out. It would be, I don't know, over 200. I had two of those at the weekend. Delicious.

Delicious. Megan saved me a donut too. Yeah. A donut for breakfast. No judgment here. Are you going to say what else you had you had a slice oh yeah

and I had the rocky road slice as well all at breakfast yeah all at breakfast well I had two because I just had to try it all didn't I

yeah that's good but yeah totally would recommend lucky the eggs were free range yes they're not so

scratchy round yeah no no ZM's Fletch Warner Megan the podcast. A Hamilton man has, well, he's a professor actually. He's an associate professor of leadership

and he's talking about the changing workforce and it is changing. It's not like the old days where at 19 you got a job and you worked in that job until you were 65 and then you died at 67 and that was life. You had a few kids and a couple of divorces along the way. But how does this sound for an idea? Because this has just been tossed around.

Because people now jump from job to job and that's fair enough, chasing a higher dollar and a better package and then going on the OE for a few years and coming back. One of the ideas being floated is that you could go on your OE and receive a retainer, like a retainer wage while you're over there. Well, that sounds great. So that when you came back, you would go back to that company that's been paying you.

Why can't they just get someone else to do it? What do you mean? Well, no, because they're finding it hard. They might really like you. Oh. I don't know what that's like. Obviously, they're not going to be like, hey, I'm going to my OE. Oh, God, no.

I have to pay you for two years. You're away. I don't want you now. So it would be if they wanted to retain a good worker, they would. But then would you have to sign a contract and say you'd go back and do a couple of years? I would all, it would definitely be like at least the time that you're gone is the time that you would work for the company when you got back.

You'd think so, yeah. You couldn't get back and be like, hey, thanks for that too. I'm actually not going to work here. I'm going to work at the competition now. Yeah. And a four-day working week. I mean, and these are kind of, whilst not fully paid to do the OE, there are, I've heard of some people that have said to their jobs,

I want to do my OE, and they said, well, the position's yours when you come back. Like, we'll keep a position open for you so you can come back to it. And the four-day working week, there's been a couple of trials of that in New Zealand that people say they're very successful. So they pay you while you can come back to it. And the four-day working week, there's been a couple of trials of that in New Zealand and people say they're very successful. So they pay you while you're overseas? Mm. Then what's the catch? Well, no, then you have to work for them when you come back.

Oh, that's all right. That's like a guaranteed job when you come back. I know, when you come back. What's the difference between that and a sabbatical? Sabbatical is you don't get paid, right? Yeah. But you can come back. You can, but you could always say, I'm not coming back.

Whereas, I'm sure with this, you'd have to come back and work out a little bit, seeing as they've paid you. That's like the dream. Because then, like, you might not have to work while you're over there, because you're getting a little, like, pocket money. Oh, you probably still have to work. Have you heard of London?

It's pretty expensive. You'd be living in a wardrobe with an African and two Australians if you want to live on your retainer while you're over there and eating nothing but noodles. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Well, I didn't win a car at the weekend. Neither did you guys. But I thought I, well, I didn't honestly think I stood much of a chance.

But I entered a competition at a hardware store. Pretty big one. Yeah. Take a guess. Bunnings. Might attend. One of the two. Okay. And when you spent $50, you could have won a car. Did you have to fill out an entry form and put it in a box? Yeah. Oh my god, cute.

Wait, were you there and the draw just happened to be happening? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is a... I went to the draw. You had to be there to win the car. What are you doing? I wanted to win the car. You've got a car. Yeah, but I want a new car. We spoke about this, Fletch, as we all decided we were going to enter more competitions because we

never win. And we're always giving away competitions and we don't win. We've got to be in to win. Wait, you went out of your way, though. You've got a car. What are you doing wasting your weekend? Have you seen his one? You don't want a new car. It's got a big dent in the back. What's wrong with the 2004

Honda? 2003. So it's already older than you thought it was. It's okay but it makes a funny noise every now and then. This morning when I started it I did this thing where it goes like after it starts, I think the starter motor's still spinning or something. And remember when we get into it,

like you always have to physically go around and unlock the doors with you. But that's good. That's a stopper from thieving it. It smells like a damp creek. It does. For a start, all creeks by definition are damp.

It's running water. Like what does a damp creek smell like As opposed to a dry creek I don't like getting into it with a short skirt on Because when I get off Stuff is stuck to me Well it's the workhorse I don't have a ute so it's my workhorse I just cut wood and chuck it in the back seat

And then they're like oh we need to take your car to the airport. So I go. Get splinters on my bum. And push everything onto the floor. So there's a few reasons why. But anyway, I entered one of the new car and I went. And the minute I walked in, I was like, oh, God. There was like 10,000 baby boomers there.

I'm like, don't you all. You'll ruin the housing market. Can't I have the car? I want the car. I want the car. The girls came with me. So there was face painting, which is good because that's a distraction. I want the care I want the care The girls came with me So There was face painting

Which is good Because that's a distraction So they were getting Their faces painted And I went down And you had to be there Was there a sausage sizzle Going on

There was a sausage sizzle As well Okay good And cotton candy And so I went down Into the area Where all the I said to the girls

I was like Look I'm just going to be Just down there You'll be able to see me I'm not going to want To walk out of sight And just stay here And there's no way You're both able to see me. I'm not going to walk out of sight and just stay here.

And there's no way you're both going to get your face painted in that time. And then the lady looked at me like, what, am I taking too long? I was like, no, I didn't mean that. I just meant I'm not taking that long. So I went down and the first person whose name got drawn out wasn't there. So they didn't win the call. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

They could have won a can. I know, redraw. You're there. I'm there. So when they called out the name and it wasn't mine, even though they had a van in their last name and I was like, hmm, it sounded a bit like Vaughan. How many people were there, do you think?

Like heaps. So they did the draw in the part of the big hardware store where they have all the outdoor furniture and the boomers were just making themselves at home, like reclining, putting their feet up. But 200 people? No more than that. Really?

Like 500 or 600 maybe? Just for a free car. Don't say just for a free car. But that's still better chances of winning Lotto. Yeah. What kind of car? How expensive? Kia Rio.

I don't know. Isn't that like a little mum car? Yeah, it's a little mum car. Like a 2019. Why would you want to win a little mum car? Because it's a 2019 car. The guy in the microphone was like, the car is the best car.

And I was like, what? The person next to me said, apparently it does 100 kilometres for six litres of fuel. I'm like, that's pretty good. Isn't it? I don't know. It sounds good. Yeah, but like, I can get,

why would you go for a little car like that? Would you sell it if you want it? No. It's a brand new car. I don't need a big car. would you go for a little car like that? Would you sell it if you want it? No. It's a brand new car. I don't need a big car. What do I need a big car for? You know, I want an electric car. Yeah, I know you do.

No, not big because you can't have big because it wastes too much battery powering around. I might just have to get like a sleigh and have a bunch of lime scooters out the front. Some sort of lime scooter. So anyway, it's a redraw. Okay. And I'm excited.

What colour is it? White. Oh, okay, good. Yeah, okay. So the redraw, I'm like, I'm now one step, the chances are more in my favour. Because there's one less person in the bathtub full of entries. It was in the bathtub. It was in the bathtub.

And it was chocker too. And then you always look at it and you're like, is mine even in there? That's what you always think to yourself. Like you're always, you're ever the pessimist. Is mine even in there? If I don't get drawn out, I don't even think mine was in there. So the second name gets drawn out and that guy's there and he yips and yahoos and everyone gives him a reluctant round of applause because they've already won the car.

They've gone out of their way. And he gets up there and everyone just like scatters and I go back to the girls and they've got their faces painted and did you win the car, Dad? And I was like, no, I didn't win the car. And August looked at me and she was like, good one. I was like, disappointed. What? Do you understand how a draw works?

Lucky I got my face painted. Let's go. God, I love her. I was like, okay, let's go then. Welcome one, welcome all to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast brought to you by Spark. Get four gigs of bonus data on Spark's $49 prepaid value pack. Now, on with the podcast. Now, about a month or so ago, I remember us talking about this even and I said, Megan, I said, producer Anya, watch out because ASOS said, you remember, that they said they're going to start

banning people that are serial returners. Cracking down on serial returners. So this is people who buy them, wear them, and then return them and get a refund. Yes. And you've done that, haven't you, Anya? No. I just buy things and then I'm like,

oopsie daisies, I just remembered I'm poor and then I return them. I don't wear them out. When you return them, you don't get cash back. Don't you just get credit? No, you get cash back on most websites. Oh. Yeah.

Right. But some of them you get 110% store credit. Which is like free money. Yeah. So you're kind of being paid to shop, essentially. But some people do leave the tags on, wear them to one event, and then will return them. Yes.

I swear I've never done that. I've thought about it, but I've never done it. It wouldn't work for me because I love sauce condiments, and there's always catering. I'll dip in one of those little tiny spring rolls, sweet chilli on the suit or the shirt without fail every time. Oh, if it's a shirt also, I'm a sweater. Yeah.

Oh, yuck. You'd have to wash it and tag things to have a wash. That's the thing. Do you have to kind of like use one of those steamers or press it down a certain way? Because surely they'd know it's been worn right. Well, if you're wearing a dress or whatever, like. You're still trying it on, aren't you?

Yeah. You're opening up and trying it on. Well, they did say that they were going to start banning people. And apparently, according to Twitter and Facebook, in the last few days, they have started banning serial returners. One person wrote, but apparently even people that aren't that prolific with returning. Somebody wrote, ASOS, how do you justify deactivating my account

due to a high number of returns when I rarely order from you and my last two orders have been 10 months apart? Wow. Somebody else said, If I only ordered from you in December 2019 and then before in January 2018, how can I possibly be a serial returner of items? Because they said they were going to start looking at people's Instagrams and stuff and seeing if they saw the items on there. So that they could prove that they had been used.

Because the thing is with ASOS especially, like the sizing's all up the wazoo. You don't know. So you order heaps and you might send everything back by one item. Another woman said, just so you know, if you're a bride and you want to order your bridesmaid's dresses on ASOS, I wouldn't do that unless you want your account deactivated.

She said, it's disgusting how you treat your loyal customers. Just issuing another kind of warning to anyone that's planning a wedding. So I'm guessing they tried on the bridesmaid's dresses, they were like, nah, take them back. But maybe there was a lot of items. That's why she got banned, I don't know. I thought they were going to prove that they'd actually worn them, though. Or are they just doing it for people who are returning?

Because you always return stuff. You buy a whole bag and you're like, that's the classic gag. You only get one out of 12. Oh, yeah, it's an absolute hoot. It's a real classic gag. It's very rare that you'd get 100%. Yeah. Well, there have been so many tweets and posts on their Facebook page.

So, yeah, just if that's you, be aware. Right. But then, I mean, if they deactivate your account, you just start a new one, right? And then you probably get a sign-up credit or something too. So, I mean, you'll find out something there. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. There's a new TVNZ On Demand show

And it's about influencers Focusing mostly on two influencers But it's I don't know what Hashtag Spam I can't imagine what this will be about Like, Because most of most influencer interactions

over email here's what we want you to do. Here's what I'll do. Here's how much it'll cost. This potentially could be the most boring show in the world. But is it about is it a reality show like following what they do? I guess so. I guess so. And maybe reality show, like following what they do?

I guess so. I guess so. And maybe they're more like social, like they go to actual events and have their photo taken and then put those photos up. I don't know. Sounds awful to me. Having to go to events and see people. And not be home.

And then it could be noisy. What if it's noisy? I mean, unless you're giving away a free car, you don't want to know about it. And what if, one of my worst nightmare, someone's like, hey, I haven't seen you for ages. And I've got no idea who they are. And I have to pretend. It happens to everyone.

Yeah. Good, good. How are you? Good, mate. Good. You've got to ask leading questions to get key ideas and hints. And they say to me, how's work? How are the kids?

I'm like, they're good. How are your kids? They're like, I don't have kids. I'll be like, ha, I knew there was a joke. You know, I do jokes. Who were they following in the show?

They're following Edna Squart, who I don't know. And but I do know I feel bad. I hate mispronouncing people's names. Aya Lou.

Right. Now, you all know who Megan, she was the oneouncing people's names. Aya Lou. Right. Now, you all know her, Megan. She was the one that did the waist trainer. Oh, yeah. And then Kylie Jenner was like more in the waist trainer. Well, she paid her to post it, didn't she? Yeah. And it was a good investment because then she sold heaps of those.

Yeah. And made hoops of money. And then she got into celebration boxes, which was where you like send a box full of diabetes type 2 to a friend to say congratulations. Yeah, right. Eat all this because you're too successful. I need you to be weighed down.

I'm just fattening you up so I look better on Instagram. You're getting a bit ahead of yourself. I'm just going to fatten you up. Right. So yeah, it'll follow around influencers. What's it called? I don't know if it's got a name yet.

Oh, okay. Oh, what they're just making of it. Oh, Boss Babes. Oh, Boss Babes, right. Oh, so it's more about like they're being in charge of like businesses and stuff.

Like bosses of themselves. It's described as an observational look at the highs and lows of influencer life. Oh, okay. I reckon there'll be some tears because I don't get enough likes on a photo. If it doesn't show that, it'll be an unrealistic portrayal.

Yep. And then deleting a photo and then uploading it, hoping to get more likes the second time around. I don't know what happened to this the first time. Instagram, delete. I don't know, guys. Can you guys see this? Can you just let me know if you can see this?

Bree and Clint on tour in the Venute. Sing it. The Venute is coming. Sing it. The Venute's coming. Sing the rest. It sounds like one of our intros. The Venute is coming.

We've put a lot of effort into this tour, guys. A lot of work has gone into this. Now, you've claimed, this text has just come in, this is breaking news, that you've claimed you're the one Venute in New Zealand. Somebody else says there's another Venute. We have heard rumours of that, yes. You should have a get-together. We wanted to assemble all of the Venutes.

Apparently, there's three known Venutes. Oh, I worry about what happens. We haven't seen photo evidence, though. There's a risk, too. There's a risk that there's a few out there that are just utes with, like, van cabs on the front that came out of the factory. That doesn't cut the mustard. No.

Like, unless it's custom, it doesn't cut the mustard. So for those that don't know, it was just an impulse, wasn't it? You were on Trade Me. You saw this Venute. You're like, well, I simply must have this. I see it. I like it. I want it.

I bought it. You've got to describe exactly what it is. It's literally a Toyota 1989 high-ace van with no power steering that they've cut the back end out so it looks like a ute in the back end. In the rear, it's the mullet of cars. But it's got some nice chrome work to it. It's actually nicer than I thought it was. You say that, you say that.

But when sunlight comes directly into a vehicle and hits chrome, it just reflects straight back into your eyes. We've figured out why they've never done chrome interior before. It's a hazard. But also you get a nice tan whilst driving, which is good. Under the chin, too. It's like being on the water. Literally.

Yeah, sun yeah from every angle oh my god so today you're embarking on a tour yeah we are we're leaving Auckland this morning the goal is to get to

Wellington by the end of the week and we're going to zig zag down the country a bit the goal is to get to Wellington yeah that's the goal in theory

yeah I'd love to be home for Easter so let's cap it at Thursday we'll finish in Thursday with a big party at Establishment on Thursday night. We're allowed to park the Venute on the footpath. So that's handy. The Venute will be at the party.

And knowing Eastab, it'll probably stay there. It'll become a function room. Literally, it'll become a new monument in Wellington. But this afternoon, we'll be broadcasting live from the main Mount Beach in Tauranga. And there's a chance for people to win as well. Oh, yeah, this is awesome. So if you see the Venute at any point on the road tour, you can just take a photo of it and just use the hashtag Venute

and you can win $1,000 thanks to GrabOne. Yeah, $1,000 GrabOne prize pack up for grabs. So I'm just thinking you say you're broadcasting from the Mount this afternoon. What way are you taking? We're going to go via Pairoa. Because we're going to sub it all the landmarks as well. We're going to get a photo with the L&P bottle. You wouldn't want to go to our Maramara and then have to go over the Kaimais.

That's a steep stretch of road. So we're going to avoid as many hills as possible. When we first got the Venute, Bree goes, God, it's only got three gears and it can't go uphill. Because it's column shift, that one that you change up by the steering wheel were you going from first to third no she was going from third to fourth exclusively i only like to drive it in third and fourth they're my favorite so if you if you see on the side of the road we're doing one of two things um getting a photo at a tourist um location yeah or we're broken down but of two things. Getting a photo at a tourist location or we're broken down. Or you're getting a new gearbox.

But those two things are not mutually exclusive. We could be both. You could have stopped for a photo and then it won't start again. Yeah, absolutely. Now, we have decided to give you a gift ahead of your road trip. A good luck gift.

Is it a spare wheel? Because we need one of those. It's not, no. It's in front of you, so if you'd like to open that. Sure. Should we just rip it from both ends? Yeah, rip it open. Three, two, one. It's in front of you, so if you'd like to open that. Okay. Sure. Should we just rip it from both ends? Yeah, rip it open.

Three, two, one. Oh, my God. You're most welcome. These are... Holy... They still make these? They do. These are beaded car seat covers.

I don't know if that... Are they supposed to be, like, good for you or... I think they're sexual. I think they're sexual in nature. This is the 1980s Shakti mat. Yeah. People who sat all day and pushed on the pressure points, they're being a role.

This is a masseur for your back. You know those shoes, the masseurs? What were they called? Masseuse? No. Did you guys have those in New Zealand? My mum used to wear them. They would, like, massage your feet.

Oh, they were like a sandal and they had little plastic boop-boop-boops. Yes, remember those? Yeah, Chris St. had a pair. And the boop-boops would wear off. No, I had shape-ups. They raked. Didn't you have a pair of those shape-ups that Kim Kardashian put out, Megan? Yes.

Oh, you didn't do that, Megan. I did. We've got some bottle openers for you guys, so not exactly the same. Yeah, the Venute. Oh, there's another little thing in there too as well. You guys have got the new merchandise. And also you guys have got us some fluffy dice. Perfect.

The Venute is now done. It's complete. I'm stoked with that. Someone's sent us Venute merchandise. They made it in Christchurch. Emma from Christchurch. We've got 250 hashtag Venute bottle openers. Brilliant.

On the other side we're going to write don't drink and drive. I wanted to glue one to the front of the Venute and then

it would be complete. Complete with bottle openers. It would be great. We're going to be on the

southern motorway very shortly. We've picked the best time in traffic to leave. Yeah you have. Can you guys

sponsor money for fuel? Because I just use all the fuel just then. Just do what Vaughn does. You take the company fuel card and fill your car with it. follow a thunder

into the petrol station and they'll be like, I'll hang that up for you. See ya. Is it thirsty? Look, look, look. Is the good dude pretty thirsty?

Yeah, she's a thirsty girl. Alright, well, if you see Brian Clinton take a photo, be in to win. All the best, guys. Good luck. Thank you very much.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Producer Caitlin surprised everybody when she was supposed to be studying hard and catching up on Game of Thrones. She ventured outdoors into beautiful autumn weather, and we were all like, yeah, what for? We have not finished Game of Thrones yet. And went, what did you do? Mountain biking.

Mountain biking. Mountain biking. Yeah. Do you have a bike? No, you hire them. When, is it fair to say you've only done this once? I did it once with you guys, yeah. Where did you do that?

Was that when Megan broke her? Yeah, I got flashbacks. Don't say broke her and dot, dot, dot. It was just my knee. Made it sound like it was something else The medical diagnosis was ah yes she's bunged her knee In a puddle she said get off your bike in a puddle It didn't go well

I know we were stationary Glad you can laugh about that Well Vaughan and I did laugh at the time Not when you saw my face No I went mountain biking in the weekend, guys. I got some injuries. Look, I've... See?

I rubbed the skin off the top of my thumb because I was holding on to the... That'll probably require the hospitalisation and continued care that you're needed to. She's rubbed her bit of skin off her thumb. I don't know if you guys have done mountain biking before, but it's very like... We have. We literally... Oh, yeah.

We just said about that time we all went together. We literally just told you about the time we all went. It's a phrase. It's a phrase you say. Oh, okay. I think it's a phrase

you say to people when you're unsure of their history of biking. No, not when you've been with them on to do a set task. But I think everyone always underestimates.

Because they're like, I can ride a bike. Yeah. I can mountain a bike. Yeah. I can mountain bike in a gun. It's when you chuck hills, tree roots, muddy puddles.

Loose gravel. Those little pine needle thingies. Are they slippery? Slippery. I wouldn't put pine needles on a bike. Okay.

Okay. Like a pile of them. In the forest. Because I was in the forest. So you, when I saw this online, I was like, hmm, this looks like the boyfriend's dragging you along when I saw this online, I was like, hmm,

this looks like the boyfriend's dragging you along. But then I didn't see the boyfriend in the pictures but then you've gone pretty.

She's being elusive on Instagram. He has made his grand debut officially. He's in one of the photos in the background. He's on a carousel if you slide through.

It's really cute. It's like, where's Wally? Yeah. So this is his, like, hobby. Every Sunday, or most Sundays, he goes out with the boys it's really cute it's like where's Wally yeah so this is his like hobby every Sunday

or most Sundays he goes out with the boys and they go mountain biking he just told us before most Sundays he goes what's UFC yeah so it goes

so you go mountain biking pub UFC oh my god I know and so now because I'm trying to be a good girlfriend

but also I just wanted to impress him with my skill but I wasn't that good but he said that he was very proud of me because I'm trying to be a good girlfriend. But also, I just wanted to impress him with my skill. But I wasn't that good. But he said that he was very proud of me and that I did quite well. Okay. That's good.

You didn't fall off? Did he kind of say, you should keep coming every Sunday? Or is he just like, that's good, just leave it at that? No, he was like, great, this is something we can do together on the odd occasion. Because I think I held them up. I think I really held them up. There it is. There it is. On the odd occasion because I think I held them up. I think I really held them up.

There it is. There it is. On the odd occasion. So don't bother basically. And I've got a real sore bum today. Oh yeah, those seats suck.

There's so many reasons not to do it. But it's so great because afterwards you go and have a beer at the pub. I had a red wine. Yeah,

it was like a cute little couple thing and once or twice Vonna and Fletch don't listen, Megan. Yeah. We tried to hold hands while we were biking. Oh my God.

Okay, that's real cute. I tried not to hear it, but I heard it anyway. That's dangerous. Disgusting. I know. He was like, stop it, babe.

And I was like, oh no, please just let's do it. It was real cute. Someone get a photo of us. Right behind us. I know. I was like, I asked his friend to get a photo.

Oh my God. I think that's disgusting. That can be the Graham debut picture. That occasionally you should come just got like sliced in half. So on the back of that, we wanted to know if anybody listening now

had to take up a hobby because of their partner or just tried it and then maybe found it wasn't for them. Oh yeah, like that time I did kite surfing when my ex tried to make me

go kite surfing and I flew down the hill and ended up on my knees. And you dragged along Tarmachy Drive. I thought I was going to be run over on Tarmachy Drive, a very busy drive in Auckland. I thought that was how I was going to die. But it's also because we had two bigger kite.

You're supposed to start with a three metre, not a nine metre. A nine metre? Yeah, and you can get up to 12 metre ones for real like hard out people. Because you drive past people kite surfing and you can get up to 12 metre ones for real hard art. Wait, you drive past people kite surfing and you only see them. They go real fast. And they fly in the air.

I flew in the air, but I didn't know how to get down again. And you were on dry land. Yeah. Well, you learn on dry land before you go on the ocean. You learn next to the power pilots. Well, you learn on the harder of the two substances. You should be learning on the softer substance. Because you start with your feet, not the board.

Oh, no. Deep in. I never made it to the board. Plus, you can't drown in the local domain. Oh, yeah, that's true. That's true. Well, what if your partner got you involved in a hobby and you were automatically better at it than them?

That would really... Yeah, that would suck. That's a deal breaker. Okay, 0800-DIALS-ATLSATM9696, give us a call. Did you have to take up a hobby because of your partner? Or maybe you just tried it once and you were like, that is enough. It's not for me.

Yeah. We're talking about what hobbies or sports that you got into because of your partner. Caitlin went mountain biking at the weekend. Very suspicious from the outset. We have since learned it was definitely an activity with the boyfriend to get involved with. He does this with the lads and then watches UFC at the pub. I wonder, is he going to make you,

are you going to make him do any of your hobbies? Like, what are your hobbies? Yeah, well, when we were watching Game of Thrones, I started doing some, I was sewing up my clothes because you know how you get holes and stuff. Yeah. And I was like sort of showing him how to do it as well. You can hear James laughing.

Is it really? I don't know. You put me on the spot. I've got other hobbies. I'll make him. An 1800s house so I have darning socks. I'll make him come running with me or I don't know. Dog walking.

Well, if you're going to war, you might as well have a dog Per socks stick with you We'll just go to Kmart And buy some cheap new socks No Wasteful generation Mum's very proud of me by darning

Again The year is 2019 Okay Emily Emily what did you get into Because of your partner Yeah my partner took up gold panning. Gold panning. Okay, so this is where you just go to a river and you swirl it around.

Is that right? Yeah. Yeah. Whereabouts in New Zealand were you doing this? Queenstown. Oh, yeah, okay. Okay, there's still golden damn day hills. Because I remember we'd do this as kids, like in Nelson,

and you'd see the odd little fleck. But is that worth anything? Do you have to have heaps of those little flecks or are you just hoping for a big nuggy? We've got a good pile going. A good pile? A little vial. A little vial, yeah, okay.

Is it just to keep? You're not going to sell it or anything? Oh, I don't know what he plans to do with it. Mainly his. I don't really partake often. Right. Because how much would you need if you put in your hours spent? But it's a hobby.

That's what it is. It's a hobby and a job. You're not supposed to count the hours spent on a hobby. But they're doing it to have fun and pass the time. And relaxing. And then the positive outcome is that there's a bit of gold to make a ring out of or something. Or a tooth. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Okay. What's a bit of gold to make a ring out of or something or a tooth. Yeah, yeah, sure.

Okay, what's the difference between a hobby and a job, Fletch? You enjoy doing a hobby? Yeah, but I'm just like, I don't know. Is there a payoff? It's not like they're doing it in Waitakere.

It's like in Queenstown. They've got to find something. It's beautiful, isn't it? But has anybody taken a pan up to the Waitakere? I'm going to put my pan up there this afternoon. Emily, Sophia,

what did you take up because of your partner? Well, my boyfriend's a sailor and all his friends are sailors. Okay. At the beginning of our relationship, I went on one day-long trip and I was expecting to be in my bikini and just getting in his pan and relaxing and doing all the work. No, I showed up and he was like, where's your merino? Where's your dry pants, which are like these big, ugly overall things that you have to wear? Oh, okay.

And he's like, it's going to be cold. It's going to be windy. We're going to be running around the boat. You're going to get wet. And I was like, wait, what? This is not going to give me a good gram. I just wanted a good Instagram. Exactly, yeah.

No, no, there was no Instagram. Because obviously if your phone ends up in the sea, you're not going to get it back. Yeah. So what? Yuck. Did you just do that once, and then you were like, that's it? Yeah, three years later, I haven't gone again.

Okay. Yeah, that sounds like hard work. Whereabouts are they doing this? The Bering Sea or Velazca? It's in Auckland, but you go out of Auckland into of Auckland into, you know, the big wide ocean. Yeah, right. Just stay where it's nice. Stay smooth in the harbour.

Yeah. And did they have a bar on the boat that follows ferry? Um, no. With $10 G&Ts? No? Well, I'm not going. I'm not going. It's the hip flask of whiskey, and that's just to keep you warm.

Thanks, Sophia. James, when did you take up a hobby because of a partner? Hey, guys. My girlfriend at the time did cheerleading. Okay. Pretty much I went to one of her trainings after being allowed through the front door to actually see her do it. Okay.

But I wasn't allowed to go into the gym at first. Pretty much joined in, fell in love with it, and then ended up competing for New Zealand at Worlds and coming third in the world. What? That is not where I was expecting that story to go. That's amazing. Now, what's your role in the cheerleading squad? Do you do the chucking?

Yeah, pretty much. Chuck them, catch them. My body never left the ground, though, so none of that tumbling. Right. Literally just throw them up, catch them, or hopefully catch them. You never know some days. I was going to say, that would be a quick way to end a relationship. Yeah, very quick.

If you didn't catch your girlfriend. James, do you have... Oh, sorry. Is this just like, I don't know if this is offensive for a cheerleader, but do you have actual cheers, like little rhymes that you actually sing, or is that just in the movies? No, so for that, for Worlds, we compete under kind of the American scorecard, which you have to do a cheer, so it's a minute 30 cheer at the start, and then you do your two and

a half minute routine, but then in New Zealand, you just do a two and a half minute routine. Yeah, you don't do this shit. We're just like, calm down. In New Zealand, we're like, don't hit me, Sally. Yeah, you don't do this shit. We're just like, calm down. In New Zealand, we're like, don't do this, Sally. Yeah, bloody singing and dancing. Don't be stupid. Just chuck the person as high as you can.

Hey, thanks, James. Some text messages. I took up bow hunting when my boyfriend and I started dating. He was a bow hunter. Oh, okay. He was a bow and arrow. Yeah.

It didn't last long after I shot a goat and then burst into tears because I didn't... I had worked out what I'd actually done and I felt really bad. Yeah. It was so gross. But they are pests in the wild.

They are, yes. I cry when I stand on a snail. That's not for me either. Disc golf. My husband's obsessed. It's not my thing. Yeah. I tried,

but couldn't get into it. If I don't go with him sometimes, I won't see him for a while. He's even left me with no car in Auckland for five days to go to a tournament. Okay. Okay.

No. Just no. Just no. I was a ghouly girl and tried rock climbing with my partner. And you won't take those, when my partner said you won't take those fake nails off to give climbing a go. Well, I did and I loved it and I got hooked and I went every weekend.

And now like Tom Cruise, Mission Impossible kind of rock faces. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Jetski racing, took that up.

My man took up squash because I play a lot. You've got to be careful with squash. The ball can suck your eye out. What? The ball can suck your eye out. Is that why they wear the goggles?

That's why you have to wear those silly glasses. No, I was just thinking these things are like... I'm not kidding, is that why they wear the goggles? That's why you have to wear those silly glasses. No, I was just thinking these things are like, I'm not kidding, Megan, it's a serious,

yeah, it's a serious thing. Yeah, because that's how you warm it up, right? You give it a bounce and a stomp

and a rub and it warms up the ball so it goes a bit better. Suck your eye out. I'm googling. I was more just thinking all these middle-aged guys

think it's just a small quart so it'll be a piece of cake and they go out there and they have heart attacks. So just tread lightly on the lunchtime sports game. You know, there's various Reddit threads about this. Well, if it's on

Reddit, it must be true. It must be true, yeah. It's the truth encyclopedia of the internet. Yeah. Yeah. And finally, I taught my girlfriend to play Fortnite so we could spend some more time together. It was my hobby at the time. She got better at it than me at it, so I don't play anymore.

I don't play anymore. Take two, Sam. You've been there. I don't play anymore. Fact! No! What? No, that was way different.

Okay, okay. That was pretty cute. It's time for... Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. How about this? Okay. Today's fact of the day is about the gooch. Oh.

Okay. I wondered why you look so chuffed with yourself. This is scientific. The gooch. Is acidic. No. I wondered why you look so chuffed with yourself. This is scientific. The gooch. Is acidic. No. The gooch, the other names for the gooch, the perineum. Hmm?

I don't know what you're looking at. Is that the scientific name for the gooch? Perineum. I've heard that before. Perennial. The perennial, the perineum, the perennial. No, the perennial, the flowers that come out once a year. I don't know.

Perineum. Yeah. Okay. So this is about the study of the length of the gurch. Otherwise known as the anogenital distance. The distance from ano to geni. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So on men, this would be...

I'm going to call it the ano from now on. It sounds more exciting. Call it the anogenital gap. Yeah, okay. Sounds... So anyway, that's the anal from now on. It sounds more exciting. Call it the anal genital gap. Yeah, okay. Sounds... So anyway, that's the distance from, and I'm going to get scientific here, so stay with me if you can,

the butthole to the back of the ball sack. Do you measure from the centre of the butthole or the outer rim? I believe the outer rim. Yeah. But where does that stop and end? Where the hole finishes? I'd say from the hole.

Okay. I mean, if your hole's got an outer rim, if your butthole has a discernible outer rim, I don't know, man. Go see a doctor. That sounds like. It is the perineum, just by the way. Perineum.

Okay. So that's the gooch. We're being so mature on this so far, guys. Yeah. The anogenital distance in adult men directly correlates to testicular function. The longer your gooch, the more fertile you are. Oh, okay. Interesting.

They studied 473 men with an average age of 43 plus or minus 13 years. So that's how far either side of that they went to. They went up to 56 and down to 30. And they measured their gooch with digital calipers. You laugh. I don't know what digital calipers, like I'm familiar with calipers, where you wind it out until it gets to the exact thing and then it'll say exactly how far it is

and it's held with a sort of a screw device as to not have any movement. What did someone like go around knocking on doors? Excuse me, can I come in and measure your gooch, your anal genital spatial region? Yeah, the distance. No, no, no, they went into a urology clinic. Okay, right.

So they may have been in there for something else or maybe they volunteered their services. Okay. And then they did everything else that you need to collect in order to work out total sperm count, the mobility of sperm, all the things that get tested in a fertility test. And they found the men with the longer gooch were more fertile.

Interesting. Yeah. So you can measure your own? I don't know how you'd measure it. That'd be hard to get. People are going to want to measure it. I'd have someone measure it for you. And I'd use mum's flexible sewing tape.

Not like dad's hard pull-out tape measure. You want something that follows the curve. You need a reference, though, because, like, that's cool. You know your length, but then how do you know if you're more or less than someone else? Does it have an average? If you're longer than this average amount, you're likely to be more fertile. Could I just say, please disinfect your mum's tape measure before you put it back, your mum's measuring tape.

Give it a rinse. Give it a wipe. I'm just looking to see if I can find an average. Because I'm definitely going to get the tape measure out. Alright, Toyboy, bend over. No, I've found it. I've already found it.

I just Googled it. The average gooch length. Okay, what have you got there? It's 3.90 centimetres. The average perennial body length was 3.9 centimetres. That's not very long. That's like that. That long.

Well, you must have a long one then because you've got a couple of kids, so that would be right. Well, no, it might be average. Right, okay. I just text my husband, remember 3.9 centimetres, I'll tell you later. Oh. No, I'm just going to... That poor man.

But then, like, how do you, where do you measure from where the, like, underneath the... Yeah. Yeah, right. I don't know. Because it's like when you measure, you might add a bit on. When you measure what? Like, where do you measure it from, like, underneath? Oh, you're not going to... Yeah measure it from like underneath. Oh you're not going to Yeah it's not like me

you're not going to push in anywhere. Okay. Interesting. Yeah so I'm just looking at here and the results they found that the average was slightly higher in this. This was 4.08 centimetres. For the general patient.

Okay. So if you're 4. something above, you're quite fertile. You're very fertile, yes. Okay, that's the result we wanted. What if your genital is practically right next door to your... Correlation there would say that you had a lower fertility. Interesting. That's the total sperm count and the mobility of the sperm. We're learning. We're learning. We are learning. Interesting to see if there's anything in that. Fertility Interesting That's the total sperm count And the mobility of the sperm So that's very interesting

We're learning We are learning Interesting to see if there's anything in that Like further down the track We can all report back tomorrow It's like that isn't it That's how big your Your what is

I don't know This is what you used to say Oh yeah from your thumb From the tip of your thumb To the tip of your forefinger But I think that's just How big your gloves are Right

And it's an owl If you hold out your left hand So today's fact of the day is that men with higher fertility readings had a longer gooch. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- Action indoor sports or something. Yeah. It's the weekend they pull out these inflatable things and they have like an inflatable world there. Okay. Crazy, right?

I guess it's just utilising other space. Yeah, yeah, totally. Totally get it. And it's like the perfect place for it. But I'm pretty sure this is an inflatable world. I don't know where sports happens. I don't know if I'd want to be playing indoor cricket or netball and find a ration like stomped into the

Oh no, you don't let eight in there. Oh, okay. That's just where you play. Right. Anyway, when we arrived, the girls were like, we're going in, and I was like, I'll come with to supervise. Okay. So, and I went, and I saw my nephew, I was like, Henry, and I grabbed him, and I was like, happy birthday, mate.

And he was like, gorilla strength. And he, I don't know why, and he wrapped around my mate. And he was like, gorilla strength. And he, I don't know why. And he wrapped around my arm with like quite an immense amount of power. So I lifted him up. And then this little girl comes up and she's like, ah, and starts punching me in the leg. Yeah. And I was like, ah, I don't know you. I don't know you.

And I said to Henry, who's your mate? And he's like, I don't know. Which I just write off as an excited kid. Can't be bothered explaining who this person is. And then she bit me. She went like on my leg where she was punching. She bit me. What?

And I was like, oh, hey, hey, hey. Whoa, whoa. No biting. No biting. And I put Henry down. I was like, who is this? And he's like, oh, hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, no biting, no biting. And I put Henry down and I was like, who is this? And he's like, oh, I don't know her name. And I was like, what's your name? And then she runs off and he chases her. So I'm like, well, I don't know, I've not seen this kid, but I'm not familiar with

all his friends. Yeah. And their family friends. Yeah. And I was like, that's weird. So then I see John, my brother-in-law, Henry's dad, and I say, hey, who's this kid there? And like pointed her out and he's like, oh,

I don't know. It's a rogue one. Assume she's a friend from kindy or something. Right. And I was like, oh, okay,

okay, that's cool. And then they go around and then she comes up and she whacks me again and then, I said, oh,

she bit me before and John said, yeah, she bit me too. And John said, yeah, she bit me too. I was like, which one's a parent? Like, I feel like we should say something. Like, your kid's kind of biting us. Thus, she probably will be biting other children. And anyway, it came to the point where they'd been running around for a while. I'd been bitten.

John had been punched multiple times by this kid. Bit of rough housing. I was like, okay, they're just excited they're in this inflatable world. And then she got knocked over and she started crying. And John's, yeah, I know, it was a bit sweet. I was like, do I teach you? I'm going to bite you now.

And she got, Henry was running past her and knocked her over and John's like, careful, you've got to be nice. It's your birthday party. Like, you know Henry was running past her and knocked her over and she was like, careful, you've got to be nice. It's your birthday party. Like, you know, this is your friend and she brought you a present.

Henry's like, no, she didn't. I don't know who that is. I was like, do you know, is this not your friend? He's like, never seen her before in my life.

I was like, what's going on? And then, so I followed her. Yep. Wanting to know what the answer was and her dad and mom had been like playing sports in the one court not being used by the, and they'd obviously just said, just go in there.

And so she was like tearing around, biting people, Did he say something to them? No, because she like ran over to them and they were like, all right, let's go. And they were gone. And I was like, I would have been like, she bit me. She bit me. She bit me, by the way.

You're getting bit me! She bit me! She bit me by the way. You'll get bit me! But then there's that moment where you realise you're telling on like a five year old or something. Yeah. But it was weird. But do you know what? It's not the first time I've been bitten in that neighbourhood. Remember that time that we got like attacked by

those street kids and they bit me and I had to go and get all the tests. But they were old enough to know better. Well, I. Yeah. But they were old enough to know better. Well, I would argue that this child was old enough to know better. They'd lost a tooth. Either from biting or from the natural thing that happens when you're a child and you lose a tooth. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

Would you have thought in the last 10 years teen pregnancy rates in New Zealand went up or down? I feel like you're leading us. So maybe they've gone down. I would probably guess gone down. Especially because I think people were more open to, like, contraception being available and talking about things. Yep.

Whereas in the past, maybe we haven't. It's crazy because I would have thought even in 2008, it would have been beyond that. Like, it would have been past that point of there being any sort of taboo

about the subject. And, you know, there's still people, I think we live in a bit of a bubble, but there's still people who live, you know,

it's still a taboo subject and they couldn't rely on their parents to help them out getting the... And religious schools aren't that about it, are they? Just bury their head.

Well, the difference between 2008 and 2018 was that the teen pregnancy birth rate had halved. Wow, really? Yep, it was 15 per 1,000 females in 2017 and it was 33 per 1,000 in 2008. Wow. Yeah. Partly, while there's not exact stats on why it's gone down,

young people were increasingly accessing good information and services about safe sex practices and more reliable contraception. So I feel like 10 years ago when we were at school, there was always a debate in the media, oh, there should be a condom vending machine. Oh, no. That happens.

Oh, that still happens. Does it still happen? It still happens. If you put it there, it's going to encourage them to have sex. No, it's not. If they want to have sex, they're going to have sex. If they're going to have sex, they're going to do it regardless. And then there's guys like me who really wanted to

but didn't have anybody who wanted to do it. And just made water bombs out of the condoms. Would have totally purchased a couple just on a very rare occasion that maybe something could have possibly in the slightest chance had happened but probably just ended up putting them over my head and inflated them through my nose. It's mind blowing that there isn't

like a giant bowl or like access to free Connie's at school. Well family planning and stuff there is. But you have to go there. Yeah, but you've got to go there. And that could be a scary thing to do. You can do that in groups though, right?

They're not going to turn you away if, say, three of you, four of you got together and went into family planning. No, of course not. As like a peer support network rather than having to take your parents if they weren't. Yeah. Into that sort of thing. But yeah, that's. But I thought it would have gone down because like we're less social, like CBF going out. Yeah, totally.

Yeah, too as well. It's pretty hard to get pregnant of dudes when they're all staying at home playing Fortnite. Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's free and Clinton to listen to subscribe on the I heart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. And music lives here.

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