ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - April 16 2018

Episode Date: April 16, 2018

Megan heard something she really didn't want to hear at the gym, Community Notices and what did you catch a teacher doing?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan Yeah. Is that all it is? No, no, no. Drugs, drugs, drugs. But did you guys read that story about those two Auckland high school kids a couple of years ago? Cast the light on. Oh, gee. Geez. So there was one of them and then he got his mate involved because he said to him, I'll give you 200 bucks for every package that gets successfully delivered to your house, your family home. Idiots. Smells like two family home. Idiots. It's worth like $200.

Sweet ass. But then, did you see, and then they released some photos of the cash that they found when they raided his house. A lot. It was piles of money. Blew Young Enterprise's scheme out of the way. Didn't it? Yeah.

They wanted to make T-shirts or something again. Poor Young Enterprise, slaving over their T-shirts, and he's importing sheets. Blown out by-shirts and he's importing sheets of LSD. Crazy. It would actually be quite interesting if we should get someone. No one would talk to us about the dark web though, would they?

I thought you were saying we should get some LSD. I think it would scare me. I don't want to know what's on there. Well, no, but you know that it's all like dodgy stuff and they pay with it with like cryptocurrency. But it'd be interesting to talk to someone that's on there. Well, no, but you know that it's all dodgy stuff. And they pay with it with cryptocurrency. But it'd be interesting to talk to someone that knows about it. Would it? Or just

creepy as? Yeah, I really don't even know where it is. I like to pretend that it doesn't exist and bad things aren't happening. Oh, no, they are. Oh, right, you like to live in ignorant bliss. What a wonderful state. Yeah.

It's a good way to live. And the Commonwealth Games are over now. Our most successful games out of New Zealand. Yeah. Same as last Commonwealth Games. Same amount of medals. Oh, really? Did we equal?

One more? One more. One more, James is saying. Producer James, one more. So that's pretty good. Yeah, that was, yesterday was a wonderful day. All over the weekend, actually, because the Black Sticks, what a game to watch.

And then yesterday, both of our sevens teams winning gold. It's good times. Good times. I found a list. Maybe we should go through this soon. I found a list of the countries that didn't win a single medal. Oh. I knew.

But they tried really hard. I don't even know if some of these countries had a team. I knew. But they tried really hard. I don't even know if some of these countries had a team looking through. Did every nation send a team? I don't know.

But if they can't, because if they can't afford to or whatever, the Queen should go and pick them up. Two bloody Commonwealths. We're only doing this for her.

Yeah, but sometimes like you might only be like there might only be one or two reps from a country, right? Get them there. Get them there, right. Pick them up in the horse and carriage and scoot them over there.

Even if they live in the Caribbean? Yep. A floating horse and carriage? Yeah, right, okay. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Story time. Three news headlines for three interesting, unusual, weird news stories.

Vaughan and Megan decide which headline, which story we delve into. Headline one, mural to be painted over after stiff resistance. Headline two, donut bear is a thing. And headline three, only in America. Oh, three's very, very broad. It is, it's very vague. I know story number one. Do you, go on.

Actually, was it in the UK? I can't remember where it was. Stockholm. Stockholm. She, an artist drew or like painted a massive penis mural. Oh my. It's blue. It's blue, it's a blue veiny five-story high monster, this one.

Yeah, and they've said it's offensive and she has to paint over it or something. It's... That's the first time I haven't seen it blurred out. Every story I saw, it was blurred out. It's a picture of a penis. Yeah, okay. She painted that.

Yeah, it's a good one. Well done. She'd need scaffolding or a cherry picker. Oh, she certainly would. Wouldn't she have had to get permission? Where though? They were like, yeah, yeah, paint it. a good one. Well done. She'd need scaffolding or like a cherry picker. Oh, she certainly would. Wouldn't she have had to get permission? Where though? Yeah, where the... They were like, yeah, yeah, paint it.

Oh, no. It's very confronting. Of five stories high. Yeah, that's probably going to draw some attention and get some complaints. But then you see the finished product and you're like, it's quite funny. Maybe just leave it. I think it's funny. I guess parents don't want to have to...

Oh, yeah. But it was actually the neighbourhood. That's a good-looking penis, too. Like, if that was your penis that she modelled that off, you'd be pretty stoked. Oh, but it's circumcised. Oh, no, well, I wasn't saying yours specifically. Yeah, I know that.

I'm just saying, yeah. Oh! Here we go. I'm rolling my eyes. I'm rolling my eyes. I'm not commenting at all. Okay. Okay, so we don't want that story.

So you've got to choose either donut, beer is a thing, or only in America. Three. Only in America. Only in America. All right, we go now to Michigan. We're a 14-year-old Michigan boy, missed his bus on the way to school.

So he missed the bus, and he was like, well, I'm going to have to walk. And so he's like, well, I'm going to have to walk. And so he's like, well, I need my phone to Google. But his mum had confiscated his phone for reasons unknown in this news story. Maybe he had been naughty.

Or something. So he didn't have his phone. So he's like, oh, just knock on this door of this lovely old couple and ask for directions because maybe they'll know where the school is. Wow. He got to the house. He says, I got to the house.

I knocked on the lady's door. Then she started yelling at me and she was like, why are you trying to break into my house? At this stage, I will say he is, yes, an African-American 14 year old. He carries on to say, she said that he was trying to explain That he was after directions to Rochester Worcestershire High School

And she kept yelling at me Then the guy came down the stairs, grabbed the gun I saw it, started to run And that's when I heard the gunshot Thankfully the man missed He kept running, hid and cried Yeah And then his mum said that's it Black boys get shot because sometimes Thankfully, the man missed. He kept running, hid, and cried. Yeah.

And then his mum said, that's it. Black boys get shot because sometimes they don't look their age. Oh, my God. But he looks 14. It doesn't matter his age. I know, I know. That's irrelevant. Oh, my God.

He looks like the sweetest kid. I know. Yeah. America. Imagine if they'd got him. I know. He'd be dead. I know. Happens all the time, doesn't got him. I know. He'd be dead. I know. Happens all the time, doesn't it?

This kind of stuff. Are they in trouble? Yeah, what's the... Ramifications of... Yeah, the deputies arrived. Sheriff's deputies arrived soon after. They took the woman's husband into custody. And told him off and let him go.

I got scared Because my house was approached By folks It's madness He's been charged With assault to intent murder And felony firearms He received a bond of $50,000

Due in court April 24 So yeah, hasn't got off Well, yet We'll see But yeah, hasn't got off. That's good. Well, yet. We'll see. But, yeah, shocking, isn't it? Good God. America.

Well, you can't even knock on the door and ask for directions anymore. If you plan, like myself, I guess this is what I want to have happen when I die. Just furnace me out. Oh, God, that's a bit morbid. Oh, you've got to think about it. Yeah, it's only as morbid. I've had another chat with my mum recently about the old smothering with the pillow. Always a bit of a lull.

But you've got to know, right, what you are. And otherwise, if you don't talk about it your whole life, no one's going to know what to do with you. You keep talking about smothering your mum when she gives you the okay. But I feel like you're just legally creating quite a solid case against yourself. Against myself, yes. Well, I'm hoping she's got another 20 years left in her and by that time podcasts won't exist. Well, no, no, things

will have changed. Oh, right, like euthanasia laws. Yeah, or smothering your mum with a pillow. Okay. Whatever those laws are. Okay. But I guess I'll be cremated because I would be. Yeah, I think I would be. You know why? I don't want to pay for the hole in the ground. It's very expensive, isn't it?

Have you ever flown into Auckland Airport and looked down and seen that? That's massive, that garden. Crematorium? It's only, yeah, the, what do you call it, graveyard. Yeah. It's only getting bigger. Oh, yes. It's almost.

It's valuable real estate is what you're saying. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You're saying that could be another domestic terminal is what you're saying. I'm saying it could be, yeah, or a fast food outlet or anything. I want my ashes to be squeezed into a diamond. You know how they do that? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it turns the carbon into a...

And I'll be prettier in my death than I was in my life. And a diamond. But then what's going to happen to that diamond? I don't know. Someone can wear it or something. Were we meant to agree or disagree with that comment? What? That you'd be prettier and...

No, you won't. Oh, what? No. We really just let that slide, didn't we? You did. Well, if you want to be burned... By the way, you don't burn the coffin as well, eh? No, they take that out, don't they?

My papa was cremated and I feel like they bought an expensive coffin and I was like, he wouldn't have wanted that. He would have wanted a cardboard box because he was going to burn. He was a bit like me. Doesn't like spending money on things. Tight ass. He was a tight ass. No point spending money on things.

They want you to know that putting things in with your loved one, because, you know, you bury them with something special. But when you cremate them, these things that are special could actually be quite dangerous. So they must burn the coffin then. They must put the whole shebang in. I thought there was an option you could get a lovely outer thing that's reused and the inside bit is what you get burnt in.

Right. So there's an option for being a cheapskate. Like a paper mache. Or just pine or just NDF. When I feel my time's coming, I'm going to get my kids to paper mache me up a coffin. Yeah, I don't know. That'd be quite nice. What are we doing this weekend, Grandad?

Well, I'm not long for this world, kids. Paper mache and grandad up a coffin. What did you do with Grandad's this weekend, kids? He made us cover him in Vaseline. What? You know when you're doing paper mache on a balloon, you vas the balloon so the paper mache doesn't stick up. He made us Vaseline and then paper mache in the coffin.

Okay, they can't come to your house anymore, Vaughan. Why not? It's good for them. So some of the things that are dangerous. In Bolton in the UK recently, someone put a coconut in there. A coconut? I'm not sure of the connection of the coconut. Could have been an old joke. Could have been a family attachment

to an island. Barry loved coconuts. Barry loved coconuts. It exploded. In the Hibirna? Yeah, because the heat goes on and I guess it is. It's like pressure. Yeah, it's pressure in the inside. The coconut milk boils and it's got to go somewhere and it explodes. So that exploded.

Other things that can't be put in there but often are. Alcohol. People might be buried with a bottle of Jack Daniels. Yeah, that's a Molotov cocktail in a furnace. Effectively, yes. Anything with batteries in it. Oh, yep. Like mum's favourite toys.

Because batteries explode. Mum's not being buried with her adult fun toy. Unless mum dies in her prime. Electrocuted by one with her adult fun toy. Unless mum dies in her prime. Electrocuted by one of her adult fun toys because she wasn't quite sure of the IP rating of it. Yeah. And it gave her a shock. She fell into the bath with it.

Yeah. Oh, God. Hard hats can't be used, including helmets. I believe it's the polystyrene in those that's the problem because polystyrene, horrifically flammable, creates a liquid napalm but also the fumes that come off it.

Lighters can't go in there. Metal objects. People, excuse me, like to be buried in their motorcycle leathers. Apparently leathers let off a hell of a fume. Right.

Anything with polystyrene. Foam in it. Rubber, plastics, electronics, aerosols. I don't know why anybody would want to be buried in that can of Black Flag or Lynx Africa. Yeah. Or like a, yeah, Black, aerosols. I don't know why anybody would want to be buried with a can of Black Flag or Lynx Africa.

Yeah. Or like a, yeah, Black Flag. That's weird. Like what? Like Marlene loved fly spraying. She loved it all the time. She was killing flies. My mum's very prolific fly spray user,

but I'd never think to bury her with some. Yeah. It'd be weird. Also any form of ammunition. Which goes without saying, right? Well, like gun nuts are like, I want to be buried with a couple of rounds of.22. With a magazine from AK-47.

Yeah. Prosthetic limbs, wetsuits, and mattresses. All because of the rubber and the fumes that come off of them. Who's burying Grandad in his favourite wetsuit? I don't know. Grandad loved an ocean swim. He loved crayfish diving. I don't know. Burying that. ocean swim. He loved crayfish diving.

I don't know. Burying that. And apparently any jewellery with glass in it can be a problem. The glass can heat and explode. And then chip

the inner bricks of the furnace. They don't want to have to crawl in there and replace the bricks too often. Who even knew? Yeah, not me.

Not me. Right. So there you go. Well, hopefully that's not something We have to worry about For some time Yep

You can't have those things anymore Sorry So maybe If you've got a Request list For what you want In your coffin Make sure it's fire safe

And can Non-fumey Non-fumey And the Commonwealth Games Have ended The closing ceremony Last night On the Goldie.

And all up, finishing fifth. Do you know if one of our medals had come off, we would have beaten Canada. Really? If one of our silvers had gone gold, Canada, you know, they got 82 medals, nearly double our medals. Well, should we start pointing fingers at people that got medals that we personally could never achieve? Oh, yeah, no, I think we should. Like every other armchair critic. Yeah, yeah, no, I think we should. Like every other armchair critic. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'd do.

Who got a silver? Oh, you could have done better. Men's hockey, why didn't you get a gold? Valerie Adams, why didn't you get a gold? Everybody thinks that they can coach the netball team, for example, or the All Blacks. Yeah, okay. This is what I found interesting.

So I was perusing their medal table just to see how we'd done. And I kept scrolling. I was scrolling down, down, down, and then got to the countries where, like, they'd only won one medal and then none. And the medal table goes all the way to the bottom of the Commonwealth Games countries. Do they list the ones that won none?

I never saw them on the medal table. No, some news organisations just stop when they don't win. They get to zero. It's kind of called the medal table. If you don't have one, you're not on it. You're right. Actually, you're right, Megan. That's a good call, Megan.

That's right. Oh, man. So this medal table really is rubbing it in. And so I was, some of these, you know, one of these places I'd never even heard of before as a country. Do you want to hear the countries that didn't win a single medal? Yes, please. How do I say this one?

Anguilla. Anguilla. That's in the Caribbean, isn't it? Yep. And Antigua? Antigua. Antigua and Barbados. Yeah, that's in the Beach Boys song.

I'm sure that's in that. Ooh, I wanna take you. Bahama, come on pretty mama. Antigua and Barbuda. They didn't win one. Barbados, we know that because that's where Rihanna's from. Did they not win one? No.

That's all right. They've got that Mardi Gras. That's who they do. Belize, that's next to Mexico, like down from Cancun and stuff. Did Belize send any athletes? I don't know. Were they all carrying suitcases with fake bottoms in it? Because we need to check. Because who?

What was it? Cameroon. They still haven't found those. They were supposed to leave yesterday. And Sierra Leone. There was a few countries in the end. I didn't know that Brunei was in the Commonwealth. They didn't win a medal either.

They've got money too. They could have bought Cayman Islands. They didn't. Zero. Falkland Islands. Gibraltar. Guernsey. Jersey.

Kiribati. This is the one. Lesotho. Lesotho. Lesotho. Never heard of before. You were saying it's near South Africa. Surrounded by South Africa. It's surrounded by South Africa.

It's like its own little country. So if you're a New Zealander living in Browns Bay in Auckland, you're pretty much Lesotho because you're surrounded by South Africans. Except they're landlocked and Browns Bay isn't. No, but you...

No, but unless they're beachfront, they are. Oh, right. They're landlocked by South Africans. No, but you, no, but unless they're beachfront, they are. Oh, right. They're landlords by South Africans. Yeah. Malawi, Montserrat,

Mozambique, Niue, Rwanda, St. Helena, St. Helena, Sierra Leone, St. Kitts and Nevis, a lot of these in the Caribbean.

Sierra Leone, that's because athletes didn't even compete. They just took off. There's boosters. Oh, is there a couple of them that are missing as well? Oh, for crying out loud.

With a bag full of diamonds. At least, at least win the, win a medal for your country and then flee. Yeah. St. Vincent Grenadines. Yeah, that's in the Caribbean, eh? Sounds ooh-la-la. Yeah. Swaziland, Tanzania.

I thought that was a joke. The Gambia. Swaziland. Swaziland. Is that a real place? Yeah. I thought that was a joke country. Why do you think it was a joke country? What other country is a joke country? Yeah. I thought there was a joke country. Where do you think it was?

What other country is a joke country? It's just in your mind. Swaziland. When you say joke country. Timbuktu, that's a joke place. Actual place as well. It's a city in Mali. No, that's from books.

No, Timbuktu. All the way to Timbuktu. I learned this because my sponsor kid's closest major city is Timbuktu. I was like, yeah, he rang World Vision and said, you're taking the piss. I was like, nah, it's legit. I was like, you're crazy. The Gambia Tonga. The Tonga don't want a Tonga.

No medals. The Tonga want a medal. No, no medals. Oh, ooh. Sam, I want a few medals. Tonga, just saying. Tuvalu, Zambia and Turks. Yeah, those are the other countries in the Commonwealth

that didn't win a medal. So when you think about it... See, if I didn't win a Commonwealth Games medal, I'd be like, well, there's no point in staying in the Commonwealth. Stick up your bum, QE2. I'm out. Yeah.

Wouldn't be part of the Commonwealth. Get a new flag. Change the name. A lot of them don't have... We're like... Bug ear. Very few of them actually do have the Union Jack. Oh, that's's good Fletch

Vaughn And Megan The podcast Now short of putting yourself Into a coma A financial expert Has come up with one tip To get you out of

Credit card debt Because Let's just not give up On the coma thing right now Because If you go into a coma What sort of A-hole employer

Would you have to have That would immediately Like Will cut their wages They're in a coma Like what sort of a-hole employer would you have to have that would immediately be like, we'll cut their wages, they're in a coma? Like, they'd have to feel sorry for you. I know, but then they find out it was a, like... Intentional coma entry. To save money. A requested coma.

How much, if you were in a coma for two weeks, Megan, how much would you save? Oh, I don't even want to. A lot. Intern Anya, who, by the way, is, I think, overtaking you in ASOS deliveries. I'm glad that you've said that. She totally has. Guys, guys, guys. And she walks in, she goes, Target, she's still.

And she's still hungover from her boyfriend or her son's 21st at the weekend. Yeah, but I looked a flash. In your new dress. Which, okay, so you've got, because I think you've got, you're learning from her and that's terrible. Dangerous. You're dangerous mistakes here. But it's such just a feeling of joy. And then I also get a feeling of joy like strutting into the studio

and being like, Magoos, look at my new purchases. But then how's that feeling when you're on in-domain noodles for the two weeks before payday? It's not great. And it also makes it hard to fit into the new dresses. It's a vicious cycle. Yeah, you're like, just potatoes and noodles are so cheap.

So, a financial expert has come out because do you think you've got a problem? Yes. I think there's room for improvement. I think her and I both have a problem because we get weird pleasure out of first the buying on the computer and second the receiving the package package it's monkey brain though wait it isn't that's what they've said because you debit do you use a debit card or a credit card debit card okay so that's

all right because it's your money yeah and I'll only really do it if there's a sale on okay again that's not justification no no that's what they that's always a sale so that's what they're saying so if you're you. It's always a sale. You know there's always a sale. So that's what they're saying. So if you're in credit card debt or you're just using your debit card way too much, the problem is that when you pay by credit card, it doesn't induce the link with your brain that you're using cash. That you're the same, when you're using cash, it's different. And you know this, Megan.

Because you're handing over, you can see the money. Yeah. And you're like, oh, I'm giving someone money. Because I haven't used cash for ages, but my mum, when she was up for the wedding, gave me cash. And so when I started paying with physical money, it's like, oh, wow, that's a lot. Yeah. Even just handing over $40, like two $20 notes, you're like, oh. It's the same with our parents and our grandparents.

When they wrote checks, you had to write down how much money you were giving somebody. So you're writing it down, you're like, oh, good. You're actually physically seeing the number. But not just like it's popped up on a screen and you're just like, tap, see you later. Because how bad is it if you just go to the supermarket, you just tap your card, your credit card?

I don't even know. I couldn't even tell you how much I spent at the supermarket. I just do the credit card every time. Because it's free money. Yeah. Free money. So when you use cash for

everything you purchase, you activate the emotional trigger that comes when you physically exchange cash for your purchase. So your brain makes a connection between the money and how hard you worked and how much you have to work to get that money. Yeah. But I don't need that belt in my life.

That's the problem And then you get All the coins I know I hate having cash It's annoying No no I've found

And that's good You have like a Treasure chest What do they call them Piggy bank Treasure chest I've been playing Too much Fortnite

But if you could get A treasure chest Shaped piggy bank And put your coins in it And you put the coins in there Saving That adds up Yeah So that's Should I I should try this You could get a treasure chest shaped piggy bank. And put your coins in it. And you put the coins in there. Saving. That adds up.

Yeah. So that's. Should I. I should try this. When I function on cash, I try this. And it is good because you do realize that. But man, you get a good little stash and then you can buy lollies with it. Question.

If I'm only using cash, how do I buy things online? You can't. That's the problem. What about if you internet. Oh, you continue to do internet banking for ASOS and wants it? Don't think so. No. So you'd have to use a credit card. Can you write them a cheque?

I don't even know how to do that. I'll post you a cheque. All I know, I've written a few, not many cheques in my time, but I just always remember my parents doing that. Two lines across. Up in the corner and writing non-transferable. I don't even know what that means. Something about not ending up on police 10-7 or something, I think.

No, that was so the person that you were giving the check to couldn't pay their bill. Oh, okay. Say if you bought something off me for $500 and then Fletch owed, so I could just pass it straight on to him. Couldn't do that. Right. The top six is next on the show.

Yeah, the top six titles you can use if you're no longer allowed to use teacher. Yeah, they're going to make this illegal? You can't say you're a something teacher unless you're an actual qualified teacher. So I can't be a dance teacher anymore? Well, that's actually a legal thing. You can't be a dance teacher anymore. You've been banned.

Have you seen me dance? You've been banned. Well, he was making people pay money and then they'd get there and he'd teach them the Waddley Archer. The Waddley Archer. And they'd be like, oh, we paid quite a lot of money. You promised jazz ballet. This is the first step. It's called the Waddley Archer.

Goodbye. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello there. A bill in front of Parliament is saying that unless you're an actual official qualified teacher, you can't use the term teacher anymore. It's just been thrown out. Ha-willy, ha-nilly. What's the point of this?

I think some people, it's to avoid the cowboys. Oh, yep. People who say, oh, yes, I'm a teacher of dance, but they're in no way qualified. Right, or a maths teacher. You can be. But you have teachers at school being like, don't I'm a teacher of dance, but they're in no way qualified. Right, or a maths teacher. But you have teachers at school being like, don't call yourself a teacher, Tracy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not a teacher, Tracy.

You're not even a teacher aid, Tracy. You went to a polytech. I went to university for five years. It's like, all right, Susan, back off. Or I will knock you down. But it's people pay money to go to something. They believe this person has qualifications, but they're just a hobbyist.

Yeah, right. I believe that's the issue. Okay. So the top six titles today, you can have instead of a teacher that I personally think sound cooler than teacher. Okay. Number six, a guru.

Oh, yes. No, that instantly says culty kind of. A swimming guru. Oh, yeah. Instead of a swimming teacher. Yep, that sounds says culty kind of. A swimming guru. Oh, yeah, okay. Instead of a swimming teacher. Yep, that sounds good. An art guru. Yep.

That sounds good, eh? And how much fun is guru to say? Guru. You can say guru or you can say guru or you can say goo-ru. Can we be radio gurus? We can be radio gurus. Brilliant. Number five on the list.

This is an old word. Yeah. It's from Greek. It's changed a bit from ancient Greek. Okay. Pedagogue. It's a teacher, particularly a strict or pedantic teacher. But given the fact that it's got peda,

and it's probably not a great idea, actually. No. Not when you're teaching kids. No. A pedagogue. No. Sounds like a cross idea actually no not when you're teaching kids no pedagog no sounds like a cross between a demagogue

and a pedophile doesn't it neither are good yeah neither are good no yeah okay

number four on the list of the top six titles you can have instead of teacher that I think sound cooler than teacher

mentor and as a mentor you are it's a great title I've got a couple of he you self-proclaimed mentor. Mentorees, mentees.

Do you still find Vaughn a good mentor, Anya? No. Oh, she got... You know, she graduated like a few weeks ago. I'm not sure. She hasn't graduated from the school of life, though. You've never actually... I didn't register or enrol.

Yeah, you've never confided in Vaughn. Tough. That's just what happens. So I'm a never confided in Vaughan. Tough. That's just what happens. So I'm a mentor, you're a mentee. Mental. Couple of great mentals out there. Caitlin's staying quiet because she knows who the boss is.

Number three. Negan. Does James not need mentors? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. He's a man. He doesn't need mentors. God almighty. I'm just helping a man. He doesn't need mentors. God almighty. I'm just helping a couple of sweethearts out there. Okay, read it in.

Read it in sports. It's a rough world out there, champ. Come on. Come on, tiger. These little ladies need some chaperoning in there. The wild world. Nah, just jokes. You know it's just jokes, Sunshine, by that silence.

Number three on the list of the top six titles you can have instead of teacher, sensei. Oh, that sounds good. Imagine being a math sensei. A math sensei. Because I mean, karate sensei is your traditional, but ballet, you could be a ballet sensei. Yeah. Oh, that sounds good. Yeah, it does.

A tap sensei. Sounds like a new flash bathroom attachment, doesn't it? A tap sensei? Yeah. Oh, that sounds good. Yeah, it does. A tap sensei? Sounds like a new flash bathroom attachment, doesn't it? A tap sensei. Sounds like a tap sensei. I don't like those tap senses because the other day I was holding my hand under waiting for the water and it was a push button one. But I'd been so trained by these senses, I was made to look a few. Where was the push button part?

On top? On the very end. It was an odd place for the push button. And I was there waiting. Yeah. I was like, well, I've got the broken one. Because, you know, sometimes I don't sense your hand, so you move them around. You're right up against the tap.

It's not round. And then I was like. You work the underneath of it? Yeah, you work the underneath. You give it a tickle. Where's the sensor? And then the guy next to me, he pushes his button. And I'm like, oh, yeah, it's not a sensor.

And I've really worked that up. Everybody's on points at different parts of the team. Yeah, you're right. Everybody's different. Number two on the list of the top six titles you can have instead of teacher. Coach. Oh yeah, okay. Maths coach. Woodwork coach. Yep. Art coach. You're like, what's

the mind to the subjects? English coach. This is hard because what's the matter with subjects? English coach. This is hard, because I'd imagine to be an English, you actually would need to be a qualified teacher to teach English, right?

Well, you speak it. Just be like, copy me. Copy me, and occasionally we'll talk about Shakespeare. And number one in the top six titles

you can have instead of teacher that sounds cooler, professor. Oh, yeah. Because no one really looks into it. They just fully like this. Because no one lies about into it. They just believe like this.

Because no one lies about being a professor. You could easily get away with professor. And professor literally is derived from Latin as a person who professes. So if you profess, then technically you are a professor. Yeah, right. Okay. Try any of them. Yeah.

Like swimming professor, karate professor. All these things work at any of these levels. That's today's top six. I want to ask the question now. 0800 dials at M and you can text 9696. What have you caught a teacher doing? This is after a story which comes out of the UK. Lancashire.

Lancashire. Yep. Yep. A teacher, two teachers actually. This is two teachers, not a teacher and a student. Two teachers. The deputy head teacher and the science teacher, specifically the head of chemistry,

were caught having sex on a desk by a student. Well, that's not surprising. It was the head of chemistry. Obviously there was chemistry between the two. Yep, sparks were flying. He wrote the textbook. So if you thought it was risky, it was revision day. So the students aren't all there?

Is that years before an exam? It's giving study break? You know, he had a couple of days off before exams for study. But then aren't there always some younger students around the school? Yes. Because not everyone's doing an exam. The juniors are still around. And here lies the problem.

Oh, no. Is that one student was asked by a teacher to go back and get some reading material from the classroom. And that's when the student walked in and got an eyeful from Judith and Paul who were on the desk. Oh, but you wouldn't call them Judith and Paul. You'd call them Mr. and Miss whatever. Not after that. Mrs. Ramsdale and Mr. Bland. Wait a minute, what?

Bullshit. Rimsdale and Bland. Oh, Ramsdale and Bland. Where's your mind gone? Mr. Bland. Oh, he's already giving. Oh, Mr. Bland. He's head of chemistry and his name is Mr. Bland.

They're in their 40s. You're anything but bland. Now, also the problem is that they're both married and not to each other. To other people. To other people. Wow. And then some poor junior high school kid

had to walk in on that. And saw that. Well, you're allowed to call them by their first name when you've seen someone's genitals. I think that elevates you to first name status. The teacher was like, oh, I don't know if that's true. Are you telling the truth? And then they reviewed the CCTV footage and it is in fact

true. Oh my god! Within CCTV? Yeah. Apparently. Oh wow, they were really living dangerously. Yeah. In public, in broad daylight, at their workplace. Well, if your name was Bland, you'd probably think you had to spice it up. You probably wouldn't expect it from you. Yeah.

But that's what we want to ask this morning on the back of this news out of the UK. What have you caught a teacher doing? I don't know if we're going to get that level of story here in little old New Zealand. We obviously don't want school names or teacher names. No, no. But it is weird because when you'd see a teacher in the wild. Yeah. God, wasn't that crazy?

Wasn't it weird? And you're just like. If I was a teacher, I'd have to live really far away from where I taught so that you didn't see kids in the wild. Yeah, so you didn't see shit bag kids. And they'd make up stories about you. We went to a house party once at one of the teacher's houses. Yeah.

What? They had kids. It wasn't just teachers. They were like, hey, do you want to come get drunk? But one of the teacher's houses. Yeah. What? They had kids. It wasn't just teachers were like, how do you guys want to come get drunk? But it was like they had kids. Yeah. And one of the kids had a house party. That was weird, seeing the teacher tipsy.

It changed the whole dynamic of when we saw them at school. You could be in the last year of high school and be 18 and be at a club and see like a younger teacher. Yeah. Easily. Yeah. Easily. Yeah. That would be weird. And you could see them absolutely drunk and wasted with their friends.

Yeah, because they're teachers and they have to deal with the likes of you five days a week, so they deserve a damned drink. They deserve at least a binge drink and abuse substances at the weekend to put up with you. You've driven them to it. I've seen what you do and I've been you and you're terrible. I don't know. Have you guys ever caught a teacher doing anything that was a bit naughty? Oh, not naughty.

Sad. We found a teacher crying in the little room behind the room. Oh, so did I. The little room that joined to the next room. They were like, oh, I'm just going to make a phone call. We're like, that's fine. We were, I think it was like year 12, second last year of high school. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

Oh, that kind of gives away what we were doing. Not to me. And then you were tapping the pot. Yeah, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. It was obviously computers. As in science. No, science, we were tap, tap, tap. You can tap, tap, tap in a lot of class.

Metal work. Tap, tap, tap. Did you not have computers in all your classes? Okay. It's more in school. Excuse me, half of them were stolen. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, we traded Computers for other things

Meth Yeah So Someone was like What's that noise And we sent The quietest scout To kind of check it out

Okay And they were crying It was really sad What but you Had you teased them No no no no They were having Some other issues

And I was like Oh And it was a class where it was predominantly females in the class and there was me and like two or three other guys

and so we were like, all the girls were like, oh, and we're like trying to impress girls at every waking hour of our lives and we're like,

this is terrible. We've been around other guys that would have been like, are you crying in there? But it wasn't, we were around females so we're like, guys, we would have been like, are you crying in there? But it wasn't. We were around females. So we're like, guys, we've got to do something. Some flowers.

Should we go and get them chocolates? What do you guys like? What makes you stop crying? Just for future reference. What makes women stop crying? All right. 0800. You can text 9696.

What did you catch a teacher doing? Whether it was bad or just a bit unusual, or a teacher in the wild. 0800DARLS.M. We want to know what you've caught a teacher doing, whether it's out in the wild or at school, on school time. And the story's got flow. Yes, we don't want names. And no names.

No names. We don't want teachers' names. We don't want school names. We'll just keep it generic at this stage. Somebody said, we were at a pub. We were underage, fake IDs, and we saw our economics teacher at the pub with someone who was not his wife. So we went over and said, what's going on?

And he said, what's going on with you? We made a silent agreement that we would never mention it and he never mentioned it either and that we all stuck to the deal. Hannah, you called a teacher at the club. I did. Morning, guys. Morning. So there was probably only three of us that were old enough to be in the club. Into club. Okay. Yep. Yep.

And there were two younger teachers at our school and we walked in and straight away, eyes locked with the invaders there. One of them was kind of grinding quite heavily on a young boy from the boys' school, down the road. And the other one was definitely tongue in mouth with another boy from the boys' school. But then, like, they're into clubs, so... I hate it.

There's nothing we can do. Oh, yeah, hmm. But, yeah. What is the legalities with that? Because they're a teacher but not at their school. Oh, no, they've done absolutely nothing wrong. And they're 18. Oh, yeah, but you couldn't be kissing someone from your school into club.

No. Because you're a teacher. So technically they haven't done anything wrong. Yeah, it did go around the school quite fast, as you can imagine. Oh, my God. And suspiciously, the one that had her tongue all up in there just decided to leave pretty soon after. Oh, right, new school.

Just a new career change. Yeah. Yeah, I'm over the city. Yeah. Looking back on it, you think if any teachers, like, quickly left your school and you were like, oh, okay, they've just left. What was the real reason?

I know, like, when a teacher left, like, mid-term? Yeah. Or, like, halfway through the year? Like, what's going on here left. What was the real reason? I know, like when a teacher left mid-term or halfway through the year. What's going on here? Are they having a life crisis? I'm going travelling. Hannah, thank you for your call. Hannah, again, Hannah joins us. Good morning.

Morning. Now, what did you catch a teacher doing? So, I was walking into English class quite early and my teacher was smoking a joint. In class? In class. Like during school hours. Was this in a science classroom?

Because they've got the extractor fan or woodwork or technologies. You can blow it up the fan. No, it was English. No, it was in a normal English class, and I walked in and they were smoking a joint and offered me some. But were they sitting by a window or something? Because even you'd smell it once class started. Yeah, well, you'd think, but no, they were sitting at the main teacher table.

And offered you some? And they're like, do you want some? And I was 15, 15 years old. Oh, yeah, so that's going to get them in trouble. This teacher's just like, meh, I don't need this job. Like, that sounds like a teacher close to the retirement age, that doesn't give, or someone that just wants to be dismissed. It was so weird, and I didn't know how to react,

so I just said, no, thank you, and I just sat at my desk and started reading our school books. Was this in New Zealand? No, no, I lived overseas. This was in Vietnam. Oh, that makes a lot more sense. I know people that have been to Asian countries to teach English.

Yeah, right. This doesn't surprise me whatsoever. Yeah. It was really weird. Brilliant. Hannah, thanks for your call. Wait there. Somebody else said, my son went to an end of year party hosted by somebody that worked at my daughter's school

that you would never suspect. And upon arrival, there was a silver platter of joints. One for each party guest. What? Naughty teachers. Yeah.

Adrian, what did you catch a teacher doing? He was at a strip club. Wow. And were you still a student at? He was at a strip club. Wow. And were you still a student at that stage? No, no. I had left college at this point, but my mate had stayed until senior year. Okay.

And so was it awkward when they recognised and saw each other? I think it was quite a bit of awkwardness, and then it was a bit more awkward the next week in English. Yeah. Did they mention it, or was it just kind of a look? Like, yeah, we both know. Just a kind of a look, like, we know what you wear. But respect for them not going crazy about it.

Oh, I bet they told everyone, though, didn't they? Oh, yeah, everyone knew by the weekend. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It gets around. Adrian, thanks for your call. Some text messages. Somebody said one morning it was raining, so I thought I'll just go to PE early as soon as I got off the bus at school.

Okay. Walked into the PE shed hall gym, and there was a couple of PE teachers, the young PE teachers going at it on the crash mats. What, at like eight in the morning? Yeah. Goodness. Wow. Because you could get them fired, surely. No, they eight in the morning? Yeah. Goodness. Wow. Because you could get them fired

surely. No, they blackmailed one of them until they ended up resigning. He was a real prick they said so they had no problem. There was absolutely no moral quandary about blackmailing him. Because that's the thing, you'd be like, oh, um, remember that beep test last week when I got 12?

And they'd be like, no, you got three. You're like, really? Because I remember getting 12. Wink. Oh, yeah, okay, you got 12 in the beep test. I'm not doing these sit-ups. Yeah, no. Remember that time that rope climbed itself?

Because I'm not going to. You'd be absolutely terrible. I know. I wouldn't have done anything. Remember that time I had my period? Vaughn, you're a boy. Yeah. A boy

that's got his period and does not want to go for that run. I'll be over here reading a comic. Yeah, no shortage of teachers being caught. Fletchbourne and Megan's Community Notices. Hello there and welcome to Community Notices.

This is a segment of the show to see what's happening around the country via Facebook pages. And they really came to their own last week, particularly in Auckland, with the storm hitting and ravaging. Many left without power, some still without power. I know, that's crazy. And community pages really... I've got power, so I'm fine. I never lost it, so yeah. I was there for 12 hours.

But you don't care now, eh? I do care, but only because of how many people would have had to have thrown out meat from their freezer. Oh, I know, that's sad. Oh, and other things as well. Yeah. Like, you know, people rely on power and stuff. Oh, I bet it sucks. Oh, my bet is sucks. You know.

Oh, my bet is being without power sucks. Yeah. I feel bad for you. So let's have a look at some community notices. That doesn't sound very sincere at all. You try. I try. This one comes from Vic Deals.

A very concerned Tyler Rain posts on Vic Deals. What a cool name. Yeah, pretty cool name, eh? Yo. Who signed for my package? Just so you know, they're Harry Potter pajamas. So don't make me track you down and put the cruce. Oh, I've spent a while between Harry Potter's cruciatus curse on you?

That's not right, eh? Well, I don't know. Is that the death one? And they've got a copy of, they've taken a photo, a Jay Sage signed. I'd put a death curse on someone that stole my Harry Potter pyjamas. Don't you even think twice about it. But that's sort of like Ravenclaw aggression there.

Us Hufflepuffs would have found a less threatening way to do that. Your Slytherins would have just straight up death cursed. Oh, yeah. No time for mucking around. I'm a Slytherin, aren't I up death cooed. Oh, yeah. No time for mucking around. I'm a Slytherin, aren't I? Yes, you are. That's what you keep saying. Yes, you are.

For sale on the Oamaru Facebook page is a hip flask for $10. Due to unfortunately firing my maid of honour, I have a spare hip flask for sale. If anyone has a wedding on the 10th of March, which is very specific. So it's already engraved? Yeah. Oh, no. Did she buy them all engraved hip flask for sale if anyone has a wedding on the 10th of March, which is very specific. So it's already engraved? Yeah.

Oh, no. Did she buy them all engraved hip flasks? Yeah. And so if your name is Holly, this is also very helpful. Okay. She's got your name engraved on it. Or maybe it could be Holly that's born on the 10th of March. It's got 2018 written on it.

So if you had a baby called Holly on the 10th of March, this would be really great. Also, you can have her clutch bag for $20 and I'll throw in the bracelet for free. That'd be nice. Just really sort of a bridal clear-out sale there. This one. Can I interject? I really want to know why she was fired. Yeah.

Does anybody know? Many follow-up questions. To make a modern town. That's Top Dog. That's Top Dog. That's Top Dog. Being absolutely demoted. How do you go from Top Dog to being fired?

You must have. Isn't she a sleeper? Truly. Maybe you stole her Harry Potter pyjamas. This one from the Waihi Community Info Grapevine. I don't even know how to say this name. S-A-O-I. Say-o-i.

Say? Say-o-i. It'll be something completely not what you think. Yeah, it'll be Stephen. Is anybody else's power out? And people saying, yeah, everybody's power's out. You know, the storm is terrible. And Hugh comes to the offer.

Hugh's saying, I have a campfire, buds, and a hungy if anyone needs. Oh, nice. So there, remember. He's sharing. I always go buds before hungy. Because if you eat the hungy and then you get hungry and there might not be more hungy. Yeah, true. It's a very specific order to these sorts of things.

And finally today, Henry Steph posts in Public Order Spread the News, I just caught a loser in my backyard. Fist emoji. He wore my gumboots straight to the face This is for you, you idiot Don't come back around my property And I swear to God I'll make you choke on the gumboots next time Piss off and get a job

It's either me or you Because this is my house You'll meet your match Don't come back around here You've been warned That's some amazing flexibility to get a gumboot Leg that high. In the face.

I think they threw it. Oh, right. Oh, man. Actual kick. Karate kick. Right. If you were wearing gumboots and karate kicked someone in the face, I think you'd still have them around to identify them a bit better.

If they're steel-capped gummies as well, that would... Straight in the face. Straight in the face. Very much. Those are today's community notices. If you see anything on your local Facebook page, screen cap it and send it to us, FBMZM on Facebook. FBM.

Commonwealth Games coming to a close last night with the closing ceremony. Yeah, it was a bit late for me. Half past ten it kicked off. I mean, we're all looking cute and sleeping like angels at that stage. Yeah. But have you heard anything about the closing ceremony? Was it good? What happened?

I saw Usain Bolt. He did a DJ match. Are you joking? No. Because I heard that they'd said there'll be special guest appearances. I was like, well,

is the Queen going to, remember when the Queen parachuted into the Olympics in London? Yeah, London. Stunt double, obs. But I was like, maybe we'll be up there with that, you know? There'll be some kind of... No, it's just Usain on the London. Yeah, London. Stunt double, obvs. But I was like, maybe we'll be up there with that, you know?

There'll be some kind of... No, it's just Usain on the decks. Right, okay. And that blue koala thing going. And Midnight Oil probably played a song. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no doubt they did. But a pretty good end, a pretty good final weekend.

So we, New Zealand, came fifth on the medal table, which is amazing. We beat South Africa. Canada only just ahead of us on the table. That's like pretty amazing. Pretty good Commonwealth Games. As once a hockey player, I was bloody loving the hockey that we saw. Oh, I didn't watch the guys' match because it said it was going to be on at 9.15.

So I was like, all right, stay up till 9.15. It was like 9.15 Australian time. I was like, oh, that's 11.15. Good night. Yeah, that's why you didn't watch the guys' match. Yeah, it was late at night. Watch the female hockey team, though. My goodness me.

What a talented bunch of individuals that played together as a team. As a team to win. As a team. Beating Australia. And the sevens yesterday, so we got the men's and women's sevens. Yep, gold. What about that guy? Did you watch the marathon?

I don't watch the whole thing because it's boring, but I saw the highlights. How many Ks is a marathon? 42.2 and he was 40 Ks, so he had two Ks to go and he was leading. Scottish runner. And he just collapses. Heat exhaustion, was it? Yeah, I think that was it. The commentators

who are usually just like, yep, they're running, running, yep, he's running, yep, leg after leg, right, left, right, running, running, yep, he's running, yep, leg after leg, right, left, right, left, running. Oh, he's having a drink and back to running. It's the trickiest of all the sports to commentate. Yeah, lots, I mean, lots to get through in the two and a half hours or whatever it takes to run at a Commonwealth Games pace. So he was two k's away and the commentators start saying, this isn't good.

He just had a slight wobble. They're like, this isn't good. And they saw what was happening. They saw it coming. Yeah, right. And then he started going side, like weaving down the road, like you're following a drunk driver in a car and they're kind of weaving him down the road.

Except he was just running. And I hope he wasn't drunk. But he's Scottish, so maybe. And he was wobbling and then they said, this isn't good. And then his legs started folding and then he just fell over and he couldn't get up. Horrible. And then so you see that he's on the ground.

And then the Australian guy who ends up winning overtakes him. Did you see the look on the Australian's face? He had a smile on his face. Cheeky bugger. At least look. At least look concerned. You know, like you wouldn't stop because at that stage of a marathon, if you stop. If you stop, you're not starting again.

You're not starting again. Not very well. Anyone that's run distance knows that. And also, there's people that can help him. He knows that there's people that can sort him out. I didn't know the minute he's assisted that he's out. So even if they squirted him in the face with some cold water and got a flannel eye, I mean, he had exhaustion. That's not going to cure it.

But any assistance and you're out of the marathon. You can't start running again. I did wonder why people just left him there. Can he not even be chucked some water? Is that counted as assistance? No, no, he can be handed water because there's water stations. Could the public do that? Or is that cheating?

I don't know if you'd want to drink something random's water. Would you? Yeah, you'd be like, please, water. They'd be like, aye, no lips. Can you? I just don't want your bank wash. You're very foamy

around the mouth. It's a little, it's a little, ugh. FGM. I want to talk about something that I experienced at the gym.

So, I went on the weekend and I was doing chest press. Is that, you're lying on a seat and you're pushing the weights up? Yep. So, I was doing like, You Is that what you're lying on a seat and you're pushing the weights up? Yep.

So I was doing like. You didn't have a PJ moment because she was using the ab roller and had an orgasm. No, nothing to do with me. Nothing. That was something. Again, that's not the first time either. Well, she's in the ab roller. Yeah.

Like the 1990s. No, like they've got ab machines at the gym. Depending on your gym. Not the one you lie on the ground and you roll the machine. Well, I don't know if it was that one or their machines. But it was an ab. She was doing an ab workout, yeah. Yeah.

It's not that, just because I don't want to. It's not me. Not me related. Okay. So I was doing free weights, pushing them up in the air. Yeah. Cheers, Pris. Yeah.

And I think that's what it's called. I was with my trainer. Yeah. Now, there was a woman next to me who toddled off and had asked one of the other trainers to spot her. Oh, she means business? She means business. She's pushing Tim. So that's when I looked over and saw that she had 16 kg dumbbells in each hand. Okay.

I was like, that's... So you got 32 total there. Yeah. That's heavy for one hand. So anyway, she had the guy spotting her at the gym. I looked over. I was like, whoa. That's when my trainer was like, please don't react.

I was like, what are you talking about? What, please don't? She's like, don't. She was right beside me, this woman. And so Yaz is like, please just don't react. Don't say anything. Well, what's coming? Because I'd be anticipating something good now.

Farts. No. Because she's pushing it too hard. Farts are going to come out. That's when, so she starts pushing up 16 kgs. Yep. And. So she's doing the chest press as well.

Yeah. Okay, right, okay. And it would have been heavy, like way heavier than what I was doing. And she starts making these noises. Like that. Oh yeah, she's exerting effort. It was. Sharapova's.

Every time. I don't even know how many reps she did. Maybe 10. It seemed like a lot. But was it a grunt or that squeak like an air coming out of a balloon sort of sound? Not a grunt. It was like a sexual pleasure. I think you're going to have to give us a demonstration.

I just did. I really don't want to do it again. Oh, gross. Is that the noise you make during sexual pleasure? God, it sounded like someone was stomping a cat. Let's imagine we're doing a set of five. No, I'm not doing five. No, because you've got to take a set. We're all doing a set of five. All right,'m not doing five. No, because you've got to take a set.

We're all doing a set of five. All right, ready, brah? Brah, brah, brah. Spot me, brah. Uh, uh. No. We've got those people at my gym as well that have to, when they're doing heavy weights, they're always like.

But the grunters, they're more grunting noise. Like sometimes I might be like, oh, man, it's tough, you know? Yeah. You exert a bit of air. Don't talk. You're wasting energy talking. Dude, give us a run through. Give us a, because you were there, we weren't there.

Do a set of five. Like, I'm not doing any more. Over. You've got three more left. You've got three more left. Three more. What are you paying us for? We're your trainers.

Three more. So they sounded way more for? We're your trainers. Three more. So they sounded way more like sex noises than they did like exertion noises. Are they worse and sexier than the noise you made? Yeah, way sexier. Okay. So loud. The whole weight arena. Is that your sex noise?

Yuck. Was that the climax at the end of your set? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I just don't know how that noise came out. And she'd hear herself. Did she have big headphones on or anything? No, she's talking to the guy that had to spot her.

Who's trying to keep a straight face. It was that moment that my trainer's like, she comes here all the time. She always asks for a spotter. And every time we're like, oh, no, I don't want to do it. Is she taken? I don't know. Do you think it's a point? Hey, she's ripped, though't want to do it. Is she taken? I don't know. Do you think it's her boy taking people to...

Hey, she's ripped, though. Like, she's killing it. But I don't know if that was her boy to, like... You're better than what she's making during. Just go a couple of weights lower and just shush. Like, if it's that strenuous, just go down a little bit. Or just... Or internalise.

Or grunt. Like... Not... Is that you at the drum, bruh? I don't know. I don't know because I've always got headphones on. I probably do make a feathered noise. Yeah, right.

Oh, yeah, that's my sex noise too. You know, we were just discussing the Scottish runner at the Commonwealth Games. You would have seen this footage yesterday. He collapsed. Heartbreaking. At the 40k mark. He had like two k's to go. You would have seen this footage yesterday. He collapsed. Heartbreaking. At the 40k mark. He had like two k's to go and he would have won. He had a healthy lead.

Healthy lead. He blew his lead. Yeah. We thought, well, we should talk about this this morning. Like, when did you blow a lead? And we thought, well, we might have an example. But we've never won anything. No.

Or been winning anything. Or been winning anything and then blowing a lead. To blow it. No. Anyone? No. Or been winning anything? Or been winning anything and they're blowing the lead. To blow it? No. Anyone? No, not the producers either. What about like, it doesn't have to be

sporting though, does it? It could be a lead of anything. It could be like an office. Oh, an office lead? So you're keeping a tally of something in the office. Okay. Or maybe one of those

biggest loser competitions where you were doing really, really well and you were losing weight and then you had like a weekend. A weekend. A weekend. A weekend blowout or a week's holiday or like a long weekend or something that nobody else had.

So you blew your lead by just tucking into the youngs. And you lost the biggest loser office and the big prize. Yeah, or maybe you were in Team New Zealand in 2000. I know, I thought about that. Oh my God, that is the ultimate example of losing a lead, blowing a lead. Because I guess that's what they call it, isn't it? A choke.

It all looks like it's going to go your way and then you just... But that was worse because they had to then win nine straight... What do you call races? Yeah. With the boats. I was like, races.

Do they call them races? Yeah, they do, yeah. But they had to win nine over like several days. Yeah. They had to win. So that was like a prolonged blowing the lead, wasn't it? It wasn't just like a 10-minute inner race of blowing the lead. Someone fell down.

No, no, no. They had to keep going back and watch their lead get diminished and then the other team won. We only had to win one more, right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Correct. The details are sketchy because I've blocked that

from my mind. It was a hard time. So traumatic. Hard pill to swallow. When we lost that America's Cup. But we'd love to know if you've ever blown a lead, if you've had a healthy lead established

and then something happened. Maybe you had a sports team and it was looking like your season was looking real good then you lost your star player and it all fell to bits. Because you rely on that one person to get you through?

Every team always has a star. Who is really good, like freakishly good. Yeah, the linchpin of the operation. We're probably playing in the wrong grade to start with, but you'll take it anyway. Maybe it was a horrendous injury that occurred to yourself. Okay, so we want to take your calls now.

0800-9666. When have you blown the lead? Give us a call. Commonwealth Games wrapping up last night on the Goldie. 1.2 million spectators turning up to watch all the different sports. New Zealand finishing fifth on the medal table with 46 medals. 15 gold, 16 silver, and 15 bronze, which is one more than Glasgow where we won 45 and we beat South Africa.

That's a good spread too. Yeah. Because I don't like it when you get heaps and heaps of bronzes but not many silvers and golds. Oh, like Canada. If we'd got one more gold, we would have been, or two more. Ahead of them. We would have been ahead of them.

But they had like 80-something bronze or silvers. Really? Yeah, yeah. Like way more medals than us, but it's the gold that puts you higher. That's too polite, though. The Canadians, they probably let people go first. They probably do. Sorry, no.

Sorry, you first. Yeah. I'm Canadian. So yesterday, it was the marathon. And normally, no one would talk about the marathon. But a guy collapsed two kilometers. He was leading, a Scottish runner, leading, and then two Ks wobbled and fell over.

Real wobble. He couldn't get back up again. Heartbreaking. And then he was gut assistance. Yeah, this Australian just runs past him. Yeah. Scrinning, smiling. Well, he's about to win gold.

I know, but still. But he had the misfortune of someone else. Your fellow athletes, you know. It's sport though, isn't it? It is sport. It is. We want to know when you've had one of those moments like the marathon runner that collapsed two Ks from the finish line after leading. When you blew a lead. Someone said I was on track

to having and being the first kid at my school to have the complete set of My Little Ponies. That would have been something to behold. That would have been amazing. Diversified into other toys instead of ponies. That would have been something to behold. Got complacent. Diversified into other toys instead of hunting down the end goal. A new kid started at school and had the whole set of My Little Ponies.

Something I could have had. Should I have kept my eyes on the prize? But blew my lead. I like to this day that it's haunting you. That you didn't get your My Little Ponies. This is a problem again now that My Little Ponies is popular. It could easily rear its head for the next generation. So if you are collecting, just remember, head down.

Be careful. Be careful. Emily, when did you blow a lead? So I was competing at the Canterbury Athletics Champs in the high jump. Okay. And the bar keeps going higher and higher and I got over it. And there was about three or four people left. I was going pretty strong.

I was clearing the bars pretty easily. I went so hard that I completely flew over the mat and landed smack on my shoulder and broke it. Oh, no. So you blew your lead. You were winning, but then you broke your shoulder, so you had to pull out. Yep, and I actually cleared the bar, too.

I was like, well, that's great. Do you know what stopped me from being a great high jumper? My booty. My booty. Because I always just skim the bar. You've got too much junk in your trunk. I've got too much junk in my trunk. That's okay.

It's fashionable now. You'd have to really get over it, wouldn't you? The Frosby flop. Quite amazing to watch the high jump, eh? Yeah. Do you still do it? No, I actually haven't high jumped again. Oh, what a shame.

It was a career-ending injury. It was. I know, yeah. It could be the Olympics right now. Yeah. Yeah, see, I'd say that too. I could have been an All Black too, but I stopped playing rugby at school.

Because I didn't want to get hurt, which I don't know if that's a problem for the All Blacks. They probably don't worry too much about how many archies they're going to get each time. Jeremy, when did you blow a lead? Me and our hockey team at high school, we were unbeaten. And then me and one of the other forwards, we both got injured. I broke my ankle and he dislocated his shoulder.

So we were out for the rest of the season. And then we lost every game after that. It's good to know that you're the crucial member of a team. Yeah, it is. And even if it's the absolute seasonal demise.

Either Jeremy or the other guy was the crucial. Yeah, which one was it, Jeremy? Was it you or the other guy? Oh, well, it was kind of like

two forwards, two playmakers, I guess. So it was the other guy, wasn't it? Yeah, it was this. Yeah, it was the other guy. You were just proximity to

greatness. Alright, thanks you called Jeremy. Someone said I was doing a 10k run once and it said in the rules that prams were welcome. So I took my two-year-old twins in the double pram. Unfortunately, I was the only one with the pram. However,

it was all going very well and I was well within the top 10. The last 700 metres of the run was on wet grass. My pram. However, it was all going very well and I was well within the top 10. The last 700 metres of the run was on wet grass. My pram wheel sunk in. Came to a screeching halt and just had to drag

the pram through the grass for the first mile. And then lost the lead. Oh no. I would have abandoned child. It's only 700 metres. Pick them up and just carry them.

For their spectators, just yell at one of their spectators, take care of this. You don't want to be sinking into the mud with children, like quicksand.

Yeah, they're dead weight, aren't they? Yeah. They'll drag you down. Unless you lose them to kind of step on to get out. Buoyancy.

Yeah. You boost mum out and then I'll grab you guys. I can only get time to grab one. Sure. Oh, well, you look the same anyway.

I'll just grab that one. Behaves better. So, yeah, lots of people blowing the lead. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Okay, today's fact of the day. This is a medical fact. Grow up, medical fact.

Okay, here we go. It's a medical fact. The inside of your cheek. So so yep, with your tongue. But the eye waves too. I always have a little bite on mine too and then I get a little bit off and then I can bite in a row. Yeah. Okay, what is it?

What's coming next? Is the same tissue. Okay, I've stopped touching it now with my tongue because I know this is going to be immature or stupid. No, it's not. It's not immature or stupid. It's a very interesting medical fact. It's the same tissue as the inside of the lady parts.

The same membrane. The same tissue. Right, okay, grow up. It's medical. Yeah, it's medical. So if you go like that and during this fact of the day

during this fact of the day I'm imagining 85% of people How do you do that? Now Megan, you've got both so how would you say would you say? Would you say that rings true? No.

What? Caitlin? Um, I guess so. Yeah, okay. Let me tell you more. Like, if you... Okay. Hang on.

What are the movements? Okay, yeah, yeah. So it's the stratified squamous... Squamous epithelium. Right. It's a membrane that makes the tissue the same. It's also found other places too. It's actually found on the...

A very thin version of it. It's found on the cover of the eye and the internal eye socket. What? Nothing. So this is non-keratinised, the one that we're specifically talking about. Found in other places as well, just a small portion of the man genitals as well. Okay. What part?

The very end. Right. But it's all the same sort of tissue, and it's because it's got to have this membrane on it, this cover, and it's got to be this sort of tissue because it's living in a world of constant moisture from saliva and other bodily fluids. Oh, I see. And if it wasn't...

It'd be like pruney. Exactly. If it was like pruney. Exactly. If it was like other parts... Raisins. Because the soles of your feet and the palms of your hands are similar, but they are keratinised. So they don't need to be moist because, as you say, they go wrinkly and pruney.

And your skin, if you stay in the water too long, these have got a specific membrane and the tissue is made to be able to To function But it's just really interesting And when I read this fact I spent a lot of time Could you get an ulcer down there? Like you do in your mouth? I don't think so

I've never had an ulcer Just for reference In the inside of your mouth? Oh right, okay, in the other part How do you get an ulcer? You accidentally bite your cheek, right? No. Or like bad food? Or like you'll run down.

Yeah. Because I'll get them on my tongue. It's not from eating nacho chips, is it? No, because sometimes you get them in weird places that you haven't like bit your mouth. Oh, yeah. It's impossible to bite. All right.

Okay. Well, there you go. That's an interesting factor you can share with your friends and family. I'm feeling rich now that I know that. I mean, there you go. That's an interesting fact that you can share with your friends and family. I'm feeling rich now that I know that. I mean, maybe not Nana. I don't know how comfortable you are with your Nana, but today's fact of the day is the tissue and membrane on the inside of the mouth is found on other parts of the body as well, both male and female.

Including the lady bit. Yeah, and the man, and the eye, the ball covering, and the internal portion of the lip. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. A special guest in studio, a guest that is bringing A seeing is believing

Show to New Zealand Playing in the Horncastle Arena In Christchurch And the Spark Arena In Auckland All the details at ZM Online Dynamo is in studio How are you?

Yo how's it going? You good? Very good Thank you You're playing some big venues Horncastle Arena In Christchurch And Spark Arena

In Auckland You can't come all the way To New Zealand And not go big right? True You can't do it right That's what Zealand and not go big, right? True. That's what people say, is that if you're going to come literally to the other side of the world, you want to make it

worth your while. It's crazy. I left England on Thursday and arrived here on Saturday. What happened to Friday? I made it disappear. Which way did you come? That way. Over the top? We can't reveal how that works no that's our secret yeah magicians when I go back home swing I'm going back to the future yeah it's crazy a yes I think we literally live at the bottom of nowhere yeah if we go to America we arrived before we left. No, that's my joke. Yeah, but when we come back, a day completely dissolves into nothing.

So what can we expect from the Seeing is Believing Tour? Because we've watched your TV show. It was huge in New Zealand. I love Slash Him and Rage by your TV show, because I just need to know how things are done. I've decided, and it took me a long time to do it, into my 30s,

that I'm not going to try to work out how magicians do it anymore. One, because I can't. I've given up as well. Yeah. Yeah, they just do it. Is that the sign of a good magician, strikers of other magicians can't work out how it's done? I think the way I approach it is I've never really tried

and make it like a challenge for the audience. I think in the old times, you know, it was often the magician versus the spectators, which made it a bit of a challenge. Whereas now, you know, I try and involve the audience as much as possible in the magic. And that's one of the big things in the show is it's an interactive show. So, you know, let's say there's 10,000 people there, but 10,000 people are partaking in the magic at the same time. So it's more of an experience that you go through when you come to the show rather than just sitting and

watching um you actually have to get involved um and you know with the shows as well i kind of i took the best bits of magician impossible the tv show um you know some of the favorites like like falling bottle uh the levitations that sort of. And I've put them into this show, but in different ways, so I'll take you by surprise, so you don't know what's coming. There's bits of the show where I kept it intimate, where I come out into the crowd and I'm right in the middle of the whole audience doing magic for people up close and personal. But then there's parts where 15 people are on stage with me

or where there's things going, getting thrown around the audience and there's people from this side thrown around the audience and like, there's like people from this side involved with people from this side at the same time. So, you know, it's been quite a strange transition from the streets to the stage.

It was really tricky, no pun intended. But, you know, I think because, you know, because we didn't look, we didn't do it in a traditional manner, you know,

we just thought, right, let's break all the rules. How can we make the best magical experience? And I think we created something special and unique do you get badgered or by people in public they're like how did you do that you must tell me all the time yeah is it annoying or do you do you like it because then at least people are into it no i like it i think yeah there's two types of people who watch my dits people who like yourself uh have kind of

managed to you know got past the point of wanting to know how it all works i just want to enjoy it and then there's a people who are intrigued who want to know how everything works um and i think either way for me is if they're still talking about the magic then it means that they're interested yeah i so i've looked at it well i haven't actually looked at it because i don't want to know but these videos on youtube and it's like, dynamos, illusions explained. Some of those videos are so funny. But are they all... There's ones where they said I'd train dolphins

to go underneath my feet to walk on water. Right. Even if you train them, I still believe it's illegal to use dolphins as a flotation device. And also, walk as slow and as steady as you were. The dolphins, you'd never get them to do that. Have you seen Flipper? You can train them.

Far more of a giant turtle. They'll do anything for a sardine. Yeah. Remember Echo of a Dolphin? Yeah. That dolphin could do some serious stuff. Yeah. That was a 1990s Sega Mega Drive game.

Yeah, Sega Mega Drive. So you're saying that's the secret, you trained dolphins? I do not talk about dolphins in my act. That's good. That's good. It was polystyrene shoes is what I was thinking was next. And people were underneath her, I don't know. I didn't even hold you up.

No idea. So Dynamo is here for two shows, Christchurch and Auckland. You can get the tickets from Ticket T for Christchurch, Ticketmaster for Auckland. Next year for the Rugby World Cup, it's going to be different. Yeah. It's not going to be on Sky. I know.

That seems to have... I know. It's going to be in Japan next year. And I just Googled because I was like, because, you know, when the Rugby World Cup's here, it's perfect time. You know, the games are on. How very convenient to have it here or in Australia. Let's always have it here.

Perfect time for me to watch. No, but even, you know, some of the Commonwealth Games have been on a little bit late. Because they go quite late. Yeah. And they're only a couple of hours. Like men's hockey on Saturday night. So Japan, I just Googled the time difference at the moment, is three hours behind. Oh, that's all right.

It's not all. Yeah, it's not going to be too bad. So if there's like an afternoon game, that'll be perfect for our evening for the Rugby World Cup 2019. Now, it's been announced and there were kind of rumours that this was going to happen. Sky, for the first time in forever and ever Forever and ever?

Will not be hosting the Rugby World Cup. That's crazy, eh? We are living in the future now because Spark and TVNZ have got together and there will be an app to watch the games. So, do I just download the app once and pay

for that? I'm assuming the app will be free and then there'll be a season pass, a tournament pass and then you might be able to watch, pay for individual games. The prices will be announced later. Okay. So at this stage you're just saying it's happening.

So there will be seven free-to-air games on TVNZ. The opening game and the final will be live. That's so cool. And then, I don't know, a couple of five other games. There will be no ads during the live game. Right. But there will be ads at halftime and before and after the game. Which is like Sky.

That's it. The Commonwealth Games was full of, oh, let's get into the exciting part. Why are we in an ad break? Why are we watching a finance dog with a hat on? What's happening here? Where are we going? Right.

And because it's Spark, do you have to like sign up as a Spark? No, so you won't have to be a customer. Anyone that has access to online, the internet, a tablet, the web, whatever, will be able to download the app. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, which is good. There's going to be a lot of old people in internet cafes. I know. Well, that's the only

thing about this is that, you know, your nan or your oldies in your life might not have... You owe them at least this time. Just to get them online for the Rugby World Cup. God, Talkback Radio will be fizzing this morning with the oldies. Will they be angry or confused?

Oh, angry and confused. I'm stoked because I was using Sky's fan pass for a while because there's an app on Apple TV for Sky, but then they put their prices up. I couldn't watch a cricket game for just a day. I had to buy a whole month. And they put the price up and I was like,

nah, I'm out. So screw them. Were you using your parents? That's what I do now, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Which is legal. Go Sky. Go Sky.

Yeah, which is Sky Go. Yeah. And then I just mirror that onto the TV and it's like I've got Sky. Yeah, but see, you've already said three things that your parents

aren't going to understand. What? Like mirroring onto TV. Oh, yeah. I had to literally sign them up for their SkyGo account. They didn't know how to do it. I had to walk them through that. But it's great.

So they pay for Sky and I get it for free. Well, you've benefited wildly for it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Exactly. Lots of people do that, though. Oh, yeah. So you're allowed to.

I'm no judge from here. Yeah. Well, screw them. I would have paid. They put their prices up. It's their fault. They lost money. I thought you were saying screw them when you first said it to your parents. Screw them. I thought you were saying screw your parents. Oh, no, no, no. Screw them. I would have paid. They put their prices up. It's their fault. They lost money. I thought you were saying screw them when you first said it to your parents.

Yeah, I thought you were saying screw your parents. Oh, no, no, no. Screw them is the least I deserve. Well, yeah, so good news, yeah. Probably more accessible, to be honest. You're not going to have to pay, you know, the joining fee and sign up for two years, are you? Yeah, exactly.