ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - April 17 2018

Episode Date: April 16, 2018

Vaughan was involved in a vehicle altercation, Am I A Bad Person and what textures can't you touch?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, brought to you by Spark. Capture life like never before with the Samsung Galaxy S9. I told you you should have done it, Megan. No, I tell you, that was great. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Thank you, Anya. Who would name their kid Zoomer? Sounds like an app. Isn't it Zoomy? Is that an app? Yeah, that's the New Zealand take on Uber. Yeah.

Zuma is a... Isn't there a coffee brand, Zumo? It's very close to that. There's a dog on Paw Patrol called Zuma. Right. He's one of my faves. He's often overlooked. He's a brown chocolate lab.

This kid will be, what, brought up genderless? Yeah. Which is fine. Gender neutral. Gender neutral, but we'll be teased about the name either way. Yeah. Zuma Puma. Yeah.

Zuma Puma Pants. Ridiculous. Oh, no! Again, we should run a service for name teasing. Yeah. Just before you name a child. That took me all of eight seconds. Zuma Puma Pants.

That's a good one. That was a good one. That's a good one. That was a good one That's a good one Take that people whose name can be rhymed with poop Alright the top six is coming up

Yeah the top six today are Jacinda Ardern's in Europe on very important Prime Minister business She just met with the French Prime Minister Macaroon

Yes And Manuel Macaroon Yes Macron And Angela Merkel is on the list Yep A few other people Justin Trudeau What do they call it the under 40s club And Manuel Macaroon. And Angela Merkel is on the list. Yep. A few other people.

Justin Trudeau. What do they call it? The under 40s club because they all got elected when they were under 40. No, he's there, I think. Oh, because it's Commonwealth Heritage Day. Is Clark like threatened by Justin Trudeau? Because don't they have like a little thing? I would be.

Justin Trudeau's handsome as hell. Justin Trudeau like married his, no, that was the French Prime Minister married his teacher, didn't he? And she's way older. How classically French. I know. How wonderfully French. Only the French would. Well, today's top six is the top six things Clark's doing in Europe.

Well, Jacinda does important world leader stuff. Yeah, this is the first boyfriend. Yeah, yeah. The first man. Yeah. Yeah. The nation's, New Zealand's first boyfriend. Would he get a bodyguard?

You couldn't be walking around... Surely. You couldn't be walking around Paris by himself. He'd need someone to look. Because what if he got kidnapped by ISIS? I'm not sure we're equipped to deal with ISIS. Okay, we're just worried about his safety. Yeah, well, no, that's fair enough to be worried. She's an important woman now. Well, let's assume the top six things I'm about to tell you.

There's secret service at arm's fair enough to be worried. She's an important woman now. Well, let's assume the top six things I'm about to tell you, there's Secret Service at arm's length. Great. Yeah. All right, you lot, listen up. It's Storytime. Storytime, three news headlines for weird, unusual, wacky, interesting news stories that I've found around the world. Vaughan and Megan, you must pick one headline from the following three.

Headline one, police advice doesn't go down well. Headline two, embarrassing evacuation for club goers. And headline three, flaky pie. Flaky pie. Pastry.

Flaky pie costs man. Two. Those are your headlines. What was two? Embarrassing evacuation for club goers. Yeah, okay. Well, that was easy. She rolled.

No, it sounds like I like it when I'm embarrassed. Yeah, I want to know why. Were they nude? Why it was embarrassing. Okay, we go now. This is on a Scottish site. We go to Edinburgh now. Where almost 200 clubbers were forced out of their club

in the cold, cold morning, 2 a.m., after a fire alarm went off, after a fire started upstairs at this fetish club. Oh. Oh, hey. Candles. Oh, hey, I'm on fire. So near-naked revelers were forced to evacuate 200 of them.

You'll see a photo here, Megan, of a man who posted to his Instagram story. Wait, you haven't turned it fully red? Oh, my. Has he got no pants on? Yeah, he doesn't, no. He's got a leathery... What's that green strip? It would be like a harness.

Okay. It would be hard to run down a set of stairs in a panic with one of those tail butt plugs in. Yeah. So, it was four degrees in Edinburgh between 2 to 3 a.m. the other morning when this happened. This was the weekend just gone. Some of the revelers were happy to pose for photos

and saw the funny side of it. Obviously others probably didn't want to be photographed and seen outside their fetish club. Yeah, don't tag location. Yeah. Well... I think they'll be able to tell outside their fetish club. Yeah, don't tag location. Yeah. Well... Oh, I think they'll be able to tell

where you are, Megan. You don't need to tag location if you're running out in a gimp costume. Yeah, I know. What was the cause of the fire? Like, one of those candles

that you drop on your body? It was a smoke machine, apparently, because there was a wild party happening. It was a Saturday night and it was a monthly themed party,

I'm reading here. A monthly... What was the theme? Same theme every month or each month they have a specific theme? I think each month they do a different party. Any word on what the theme was? Anything you can pick up from the shots of the witnesses? Yes, the monthly bash is dubbed a dark, dirty and sexy house music dance party.

Okay. So anything dark, dirty and sexy? I need Disney or... Oh, you can't drag Disney... Or the letter M into the fetish party. Yeah. You could drag

Disney kicking and screaming into the fetish world. I would imagine Winnie the Pooh could be... Oh, boy. Not Winnie the Pooh. Piglet would be

sought after. Do you wanna be my... No. Do you want to be my? No. Do you want to be my Pigglitty? Oh, my God. Oh, poo. Hi, guys. Is that Eeyore?

Eeyore's there too. Tigger bounces in. Let's get started. Tigger needs to get out. The 100-acre forest. Terrified of Tigger. Many aches in the 100-acre forest. A yaser.

Christopher Robin. Don't ruin Disney for all of us, Vaughn. You're, like, scarily good at that. Please don't make it dirty. Christopher Robin. Stop it. Stop it. F.E.M.S.

Dermatologists have a serious warning for people because there's a growing YouTube trend, it seems. I've seen photos this morning. It's very horrific. A DIY trend of people removing lumps and bumps on their body. They're called, I think you say keloids. Like skin tags. It's like bumps that can be caused by scar tissue or I guess skin tags

kind of as well it's like extreme calluses right can you get those like burnt off with the dry ice I think you can get them taken off

I think you're supposed to go to someone to get them taken off properly right okay but this YouTube trend is showing that people are just putting

rubber bands around them what and like leaving them there what do you call it when you do that to sheep vaughn docking showing that people were just putting rubber bands around them. What? And like... Leaving them there. What do you call it when you do that to sheep, Vaughan? Docking. Docking. So...

Docking? Isn't that where you... Rubber wringing? Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. Docking's where you knock the tail off, but you've left the rubber band... What do you mean you knock it off?

Well, you put the rubber band around the base of the tail, and then you cut the tail off. But it's real tight. And the rubber band stops the bleeding. Oh. But then you do it around the... The bolus. The testicles as well. Oh, yeah.

Because the testicles, if you're going to keep them to eat them, we're just talking real facts here. Yeah. If you're going to keep them to eat them, the testosterone taints the meat. Oh, get them off. That's why you don't ever eat male, like, animals. Yeah. Because the testosterone can taint the meat, so you... Like bulls, we don't eat bulls.

No, you, like, the nuts off, you have steers and you eat them. The male of the species is just... Useless. Useless. Yeah. For one thing. All around. Can't hang out the washing.

Just useless. They just bugger all around the house and can't be eaten due to the taint of meat. But the same, so the same principle, it's a tight rubber band around their skin tag. Yeah, whatever the lump or bump is, you put the rubber band on, you leave it there. How tight do you have to get this rubber band? Tight, so that the blood's cut off. Yeah. And then eventually it will, I mean, as the pictures show that I'm looking at,

it turns it into, it looks like a little blueberry. And then eventually it will. Oh no, just falls off. That can't be healthy for you. But then that could leave just another one underneath. Well, it leaves like little, you know, you can get infections and. Well, you could have a worse scar as well. Yeah.

So dermatologists are saying, please don't do that. I don't know if this works for skin tags as well though, because I used to tie cotton around skin tags. But when I think about it, same sort of thing. It would go like a little, it would go red

and then it would go black and then it would eventually go bloop. And you just get a little scab and then pick that off and it's gone. Ta-da! Well, you've done exactly

the same thing. On a smaller scale. Just get a little bit of cotton. Although now they're the same way. But say you did it and you used a bit of Dettol to stop your infection. What else could go wrong? And also skin tags on a smaller scale

because it's just a little bit of skin holding it on. Whereas these are leaving like decent coin size craters. But there's YouTube videos if you feel like watching that at quarter past six in the morning. Yeah, that's the warning, isn't it? I have to scroll past Dr. Pimple Popper at this time of morning.

I haven't had any inertia yet. What time does that become okay? Breakfast is settled. So mid-morning Dr. Pimple Popper's fine. Yeah, that's fine. I watch a whole lot of that and then I've got to eat my muesli, my porridge. It looks a little lumpy

I had to stop following some of those there's too much past sometimes I had to hide her from my Instagram stories because I'd be scrolling through it

it'd be like dog and like yep food good looking chick at a festival always you know no one gets around

the world quicker than good looking people do they guys and girls they'll be in Alaska one minute and then all of a sudden they're in Fiji. Do ugly people do that? Well, we're taking some forced level form of transport. These people are just darting around.

But anyway, and then you'd be like, oh, yeah, that looks like a great place. And, oh, my God, that's a cute dog doing a cute thing. And then, oh, no, Dr. Pimpleball came out of nowhere. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello and welcome to today's Top Six. Today's Top Six deals with what Clark Gayford is up to while in Europe with Jacinda as she does important world leader stuff.

Now he's the first boyfriend, of course. He is New Zealand's first boyfriend, yes. So, I mean, what's he up to over there? Who knows? Well, I do. You're in the know. Here are the tough. Famous, of course, for his love of fishing.

Yep. Loves nothing more than dragging a fish from its natural environment as it fights for its life. Don't make me. Gasping for more oxygen and water through its fins. Don't make him sound like a killer. Before slaughtering it. more oxygen in water through its fins. I think I'm still like a killer. Before slaughtering it. Before stabbing it through the brain. Or smoking it sometimes.

Yeah. Grilling at others. Yeah. Number six on the list. The top six things Clark's up to in Europe while Jacinda does important world leader stuff. Number six, fly fishing in the Sienne River. Oh, lovely. This is in France.

Yeah. This is if you've watched Vikings. Yeah. This is in France. Yep. If you've watched Vikings, this is how I learnt there was even a river in Paris. I was watching Vikings. And they were like, oh, we'll go the river all the way up to Paris. I'm like, there's no river in Paris, silly Vikings. I looked. There is.

Yeah, it's like the famous river. You walk along it. Yeah, and he'll be fly fishing on it. So if you are listening to this in Paris or download the podcast and live in Paris and you see a madman fly fishing, hey, you can't stop a guy doing what he loves even when he's overseas. True. And he packed his super dry bandit blowfly.

What's that? Is that a type of fishing rod? Yep. I am going to get so many Facebook ads targeting a fisherman because apparently in the last two minutes I've developed some sort of passionate interest in fishing. Number five on the list of the top six things Clark's doing in Europe while Jacinda does important world leader stuff

are dropping a hand line in the trivia fountain. Okay. More or less just for a funny picture. Yeah. Because there's no fish in the trivia fountain. There's lots of coins. Lots of coins. He could put a magnet on the end of his hand line.

Oh, that'd be great. Are they magnetic though? The euro? Who knows? Is the euro magnetic? Unsure. Get a little something. Yeah.

Maybe just a scoop on the end. A net. He needs his net. He needs his kingy net. What do you call it? Bottom trawling. Oh, yeah. What do they call that where it rips up the seabed? Yeah, trawling. trawling. Oh, yeah. What do they call that where it rips up the...

Yeah, trawling, isn't it? Trawling. Oh, not good. Not good. Number four on the list of the top six things you may have gathered are fishing related

that Clark's up to while Jacinda does important world leader stuff in Europe. Surf casting into Loch Ness to try and catch Nessie on a classic two-hook ledger rig.

Yeah, I don't think he's got... No, I don't think he's got the line. No. He's got an eight-pound line. You're not going to catch a bloody mythical creature think he's got the line. No. He's got an eight pound line. You're not going to catch a bloody mythical creature on an eight pound line.

What are you doing? You're a madman out there, Gafford. Why don't you load up? You know what? You can catch big fish on small hooks but you can't catch

small fish on big hooks. It's like the old dad always used to say. Make sure you get them on ice. Do you even know what you're talking about? Do I what? Yeah.

Buddy, load up the Haynes Hunter, mate. Is that a boat? We're going fishing. Yep. Number three on the list of the top six things Clark's doing in Europe, while Jacinda does important world leader stuff, trawling in the Danube River. Oh, yeah.

With some soft baits. Kelda. Soft baits, of course. You don't need to bait up because they already look like bait. I think. Right. You think. That's what a soft bait is.

You just looked at me unknowingly. I don't know. That's because you don't... Soft baits would actually be good for you because you don't like touching yucky bait. I don't like doing that. They make your fingers smell, don't they? Every time we go fishing,

Megan and I get you to put it on the hook. Yes. Also, I have a fear that it'll go in and won't come out because it's a gaff. Yeah, softbait's a little like coloured soft things that look like a fish.

You're right. Good on you. Yay! I know about things. Traditionally masculine stuff, but heaps of women are better than me at it anyway. Number two on the list of what Clark's doing in Europe. Well, Jacinda doesn't put on world leader stuff. Spearfishing

in the Thames River with a new carbon rail speargun. I've literally had to Google what's required for every single aspect of this fishing. I don't think there would be any visibility in the Thames River. No, that's the challenge. Oh, is that you just shoot? Spearfishing into that. Yeah, it's mostly by feel.

You're like, that could be something. Oh, it's a dead prostitute. Well, how long's she been in there for? Are they prevalent in the Danube river? No, we're in the Thames now. Oh, yeah, okay. Number one on the top six list of things Clark's doing in Europe while Jacinda changes the world.

White baiting in the Amsterdam canals by the red light district with a few delicious brownies for lunch. He's earned it. After all this fishing. He has. He needs a relaxing white baiting session. Just set the nets, sit back, eat some brownies, enjoy the view.

That's today's top six. FBM. A supermarket in the UK And in fact I think most supermarkets Here in New Zealand Have already started doing this They're introducing

Kind of deep Deeper plastic trays And pouches For like Raw meat For like chicken breasts And stuff Oh yeah

Looking at a photo Like my The local countdown Already has this Like not the And you will as you want the shallow black polystyrene. Yep, with the wrap.

More of the harder plastic with the plastic thing across the top. So it's worse for the environment. Yeah, is there any, no, because polystyrene

is a shit bag as well. It won't break down. Is there any like good alternative to? Well, you can't use cardboard because the chicken

goes all soggy. Cardboard does have this awful habit of going soggy. You may have seen this story kind of pop up yesterday afternoon, but the reason that this supermarket chain in the UK and that some in New Zealand have started doing this is because it allows the pouches, it allows

the customers to grab the pouch and tip it straight into the pan without touching the meat. Because apparently, consumers under the age of 35, millennials, said that they don't like to handle uncooked meat and that doing so gives them high levels of anxiety. 37% do not like touching raw meat. I don't like touching raw chicken.

I always make Andrew cut it. Otherwise, I buy diced chicken so I can pour it straight in. No, but when they cut up the chicken, that says to me it's old. A little bit old. When it's diced, it's the same as when it's marinated. I always feel, supermarkets anyway, it's old. That's what your parents say. Tenderized steak that's been sitting there for a while

so they've beaten the hell out of it. No, it's true. When you buy something that's marinated, it's been there a couple of days. So they've added some sauce to it and chucked another dollar. I feel like that's just an old wives tale. No, it's not. Okay.

Maybe it is. We've believed it. They can't just sell old chicken because I've cut it. They do. I've cut it up so they'll never know. What's the difference? Well, they had to wipe the slime off it anyway so they might as well cut it up while they're doing it.

So, I don't know. Is it a texture thing for chicken? Like, I don't mind. It's slimy. But I'll just cut the chicken and then wash my hands. Like, what's the deal? No, it's because it's slimy and because it gets under my nails

and when I wash my hands, I feel like they're not clean. And I'm like, oh, germs. Like, chicken could make me real sick. Like, raw chicken. God, as a kid, I remember my grandparents actually, like, killing chickens. And our job like, oh, germs, like chicken could make me real sick. Like raw chicken. God, as a kid, I remember my grandparents actually like killing chickens. And our job was like, my granddad cut its head off.

Did they live on Survivor or something? They would have killed it on Survivor. Like they would have just eaten anything and killed anything. Survivor wouldn't have worked in like the mid-1900s. Oh my God, Survivor World War II would have gone forever. No one would have wanted to leave. And everybody would have been well fed. Yeah.

Well tanned, well rested. It would have actually been a nice escape from the everyday struggles of late 1930s society. See, I couldn't do that on Survivor or Keller chicken. But I'll cut one up. That's fine. Having grown up and seen it from there, I think we've got it so easy. All we have to do is pick out a bit

of chicken with our hands and cut it and then wash it afterwards with disinfectant and hot water straight out of a tap right beside us. But some people don't

like the texture apparently. It's yuck. I don't know. What about. You think you're going to put it down your mouth.

He wants it cooked. That's weird. Oh I won't touch it but put it in my mouth. Once it's cooked. It's cooked and it's got sauce on it so I guess it's different

then for a lot of people. Producers. We go to the producers both. Millennials. Yeah, I cannot handle anything matte. Like the matte finish on cars, terracotta pots, anything like that makes me feel physically sick.

I hate it. Absolutely. But will you touch meat? Yeah, I'll do chicken. Yeah, like I'll touch meat. But you won't touch. Oh, right. No, that's all right then.

She's house sat for me. Did you pick up my coffee in sugar pots? No, I didn't. They're matte black, and they actually do feel funny. No, wouldn't have done it. You're right. It doesn't worry me, but they're kind of like a matte... Almost chalky.

Yes. Yeah, can't handle chalk. Kind of like a chalkboard finish. Could you get a cotton ball and rub it on your fingers? Cotton ball's fine. Oh, that really gets some people going. No. The texture of the cotton wool rubbing on each other.

Yeah, right. Producer Caitlin, anything that you don't like? Mine's like the polystyrene. Hang on, it's giving me like a ear thing. Oh, yeah, it makes me go, ugh, polystyrene. And then when it rubs together, it's like, eh, eh. Yeah, it's making my eyes feel funny. Producer James, anything weird?

Have you ever bit polystyrene? Oh, why would you do that? Why would you bite? Why would you do that? Oh, by mistake. I don't really have any trouble with raw chicken, I think. I can see where people are coming from, but my flatmates hate anything to do with the feeling of the ice on the inside of your freezer,

if your freezer over-ices. So as soon as the freezer opens, they sprint out of the kitchen. They're out of there. They don't want to be there the whole time. They don't put anything in the freezer. Because they don't want to brush up against the frostiness of the ice. Yeah, just the feeling, the sound, everything. They just can't do it.

Don't go anywhere near it. What happened to us as a race? Species. A species. The human race. That ice thing really bothers me. Can they grab a handful of ice and put it in their drink? I think that's all right.

The cube they're okay with, but the sheet device, they're not. But it is. I get what you mean. It's that noise. Like if you're ever like, yeah. The noise is that feeling of the frosty ice. Not like the one you put in the glass. It sounds like they're just. But it is, I get what you mean, it's that noise, like if you're ever like, yeah, right. It's that feeling of the frosty ice, not like the one you put in the glass.

Sounds to me like you're trying to get out of the planet. Yeah. Get out of there, it's freezing frost. I think we need to take some calls on this. Is there like a weird texture or a surface that you cannot touch or you're just like,

eh, icky. 0800 dials at M, 9696 quick point Daniel's a butcher he's messaged in diced marinated

all mints all equals old thank you not old old but old yeah but it's cheaper isn't it and it doesn't make me sick

so whatever that's the thing it's not cheaper is it when it's diced and marinated no it's not they've gone to the effort of cutting it yeah and they charge you for it

and it's older so they're doubling up and you're falling for it. Yeah, but I'm alive, aren't I? And I don't have to touch it. All right, 0800DARLS.M. Hooray! Give us a call.

Text us now, 0800DARLS.M, if there is a weird surface or a texture that you just cannot touch. Talking about those weird textures or surfaces that you can't touch, 37% of millennials won't touch raw meat. So supermarkets are having to make better containers so they can just tip it straight in the pan because that's the world we're living in now. People didn't want to go to war once.

Still don't want to go to war. Now we won't touch chicken because it's a bit slimy. So I don't know what, are surfaces, whether it's meat or anything, the things that you find icky and you just can't touch. Some text messages in. Kiwi fruit. I know they're a national fruit, but they can F right off. What about gold ones, because they don't have the fur?

Not as much fur, eh? Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's getting more towards them. A foam mattress. Somebody said, you know, if you get like a standard squab, but then you take the material off the outside and it's got a foam. Can't touch it. Aw, yeah, no, I hate that. Can't touch it.

Awful, awful stuff. I'll tell you one, if, I don't think we've got, no one's called about this, but we've had so many text messages, marshmallows. Now, not the marshmallows themselves, but the powder that marshmallows are coated in.

Is it? Like corn flour? Yeah, because it's not sweet, is it? No. No. And it always goes on my pants. What? Yes. Because I love marshmallows. Always ask for it? No. It always goes on my pants. What? Yes.

Because I love marshmallows. Always ask for them at cafes. Did you say on your pants or in your pants? On my pants. Oh, okay. I said on. He puts corn flour in his pants too. He likes it rummaging around in his undies.

I was like, how are the marshmallows going in there? Because what's the corn flour's purpose on a marshmallow? To help them stick together. So it would work in your pants. Yes. Like a towel. If you've got a problem with scrotum sticking in the thigh, cornflour could be your answer.

That or a tighter pair of underpants. Stop wearing satin briefs. Boxers. Oh, that's something I don't like. Have you ever slept in satin sheets? Yeah, awful. When I was a student, I thought it would be quite pimp to buy a pair of satin sheets,

and they were cheap. How did that go for you? Awful. I tried to be a pair of satin sheets, and they were cheap. How did that go for you? Awful. I tried to be sexy once and jumped into bed, but I was wearing my Tasmanian Devil boxers, and I skidded right over and fell off the other side. Awful. Now, Michelle, what is the surface,

the weird feeling that you just can't touch? I can't touch cotton polyester sheets. Wait, so what do you sleep on? Flannelette all year round. Oh, my God. That must make for a sweaty summer. I know, but I just can't do it. So say if I'm at a hotel, I will not move.

Because it makes me uncomfortable. So I won't move. Could you just, yeah. Like putting my fingers and feet through the sheets, I can't do it. I will cringe and I just can't. What about in a hotel, because there's always a blanket in the cupboard,

put a blanket down, slip on top of the blanket under the duvet? Oh, that's thinking too far ahead. But what about if it's a cotton duvet? What about a cotton duvet? Is that a no-go zone as well? That's okay, though. It's just like the fitted sheets and, you know, the sheet on top.

That's okay. That's so weird. I love a nice and crisp cotton. Yeah, me too. Yeah, but it's microfiber as well. Oh, you're missing out. I've got some lovely Sheridans at the moment. I was going to say, have you tried?

You and your bloody Sheridans. You know I'm always a sucker for a sale. Have you tried a higher thread count? Your Egyptian cotton. No. The higher it is, the worse it is. Oh, no.

So you want a hessian sack to sleep in there? Nice and scratchy. Wow. All right. Thanks, Michelle. Bex, what's the one thing you can't stand to touch?

Felt. That awful craft of fabric. It's just horrible. Oh, and like, do you mean on like pool tables as well? Could you touch it? Yes, oh yeah. Say no more. Yeah, and like on the, quite often it's not actually felt, but there's a different kind

of like a synthetic fabric on the roof lining of cars. Often, not always, but, and it's like, it's, oh, it's just disgustingly, and like if a guy or guys or anyone with dry hands like touches the top of the, like runs their hands along that and the skin catches it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know exactly what you're talking about. Because if you've done something or like you've got little bits up on your hands, if you've mowed the lawns or anything, and then, yeah, it gets caught on felt so badly. Oh. That's horrible. And it makes a weird little

ripping sound, eh? Alright, Bex, thanks for your call. Dan, what can't you touch? I can't touch cotton wool. So many people are texting in the same thing and I've got friends that are the same. They can't. It's everything. It's the sound, it's the texture, it's everything, isn't it?

It makes me cringe as soon as I touch it. The only time I can touch it is if somebody wets it. Right, so you couldn't do it like a cotton bud in the ear for like ear wax? No, no. Unless it was previously wet for him. Oh yeah, but you'd do a wet one, okay. Yeah, the funny thing is I used to be in the

military and we used to have to pull our boots with cotton wool. I used to have to wear gloves. Excuse me, Sergeant Major. Come on, some gloves. Yucky. Or would you be able

to wet my cotton wool for me, please? Dan, thanks for your call. Cheers. Somebody messaged in saying their idea of using a tea towel to dry a wooden chopping board

is their idea of hell. Oh, why? And I think it's the same as the catchy finger skin bits on felt. Yeah, right. Yeah, little bits of the chopping board maybe stick up and get caught in the detail. Is that when it's a plastic chopping board?

No, no, wooden. I know exactly what they're talking about. And you've kind of got to rub it because, like, plastic, it dries up, but you're kind of just, like, rubbing the wood around. Aren't we weird? Some of us are weird, eh? I wonder what the origins of it all are, right? Because cats can't stand on tinfoil.

No, they can because remember I tried to stop Karen from. Your cat just is a troubled child. Right, okay. Some other text messages in. Somebody said bones, meat bones, awful things. I love meat. I'll touch raw chicken, not a problem. But if I get a little bit of bone in my mouth,

like a drumstick, I've got to cut it off before I eat. I've got to cut the meat off. Can't have a bone anywhere near my mouth. Wow. Yeah, and somebody said wet wooden spoons. So that's slimy and fuzzy yet hard and soft. So that's a very confusing feeling.

My teeth at the back feel a little bit funny. But that could also be the fact I haven't been to the dentist in five years. Well, I joined some statistics yesterday. Okay. I was driving home from work. Not listening to the radio, not on my phone, not tailgating. Okay. Because there's no radio in my car.

You have to hit it, don't you, to make it work? I've hit it so much now it doesn't work anymore. What were you doing? I refuse to it so much now it doesn't work anymore. Oh, boy. What were you doing? I refuse to believe you're purely just driving home. I actually was, Megan. As hard as it is to believe. Just in silence? Really?

I was concentrating in silence. And you'll know why because the following happened. Right. I'm driving along. Because they say how many, what is it, 80% of accidents happen within 2km of home? Yeah. Mine was less than 1km from home. Oh my God, you're a statistic.

I know, I'm right in the sweet zone for accidents. So you're in the Honda Civic. I'm in the Honda Civic. I'm driving along, concentrating. Now there's a light bend to the left. A light bend to the left. Sometimes it's a slight kink. A slight kink to the left.

I go around there and I's a slight kink. A slight kink to the left. Yeah. I go around there and I identify a hazard. Okay. Without even knowing. Without even knowing. Okay. I identified a hazard. Now a silver Mercedes

was parked on the side of the road. Yeah. And I know that that's a spot where you can't park. It's got those dotted yellow lines. Right. So I say to myself,

peculiar. Identified and marked as a hazard. I am approaching the car. I give it a wide berth. Yeah. Because gosh knows why they've stopped on a yellow line. I give it a wide berth.

Yeah. Then I see in the move that the car starts to perform what I would assume due to the sharpness of the turning of the wheel, because I identified the wheel turning sharply, a U-turn. And you'll remember I'm not an idiot. I know, you'll remember. I said it was a kink. It was a kink. You never pull a U-turn on a kink.

Straight where you can see either way and no side roads. So I give them a wide berth. I see them start to pull a U-turn and my cat-like reflexes kick in. In my head, primal. I swerve even further then to give them a wider berth, and I think, I've got around them, and then I hear...

Oh, just nicked you. Horrendous noise. Nicked you in the booty. Nicked me booty. Okay. My booty didn't get over far enough. Is this brilliant? Because didn't I just say to you last week, don't get that fixed in the booty. Nicked me booty. Okay. My booty didn't get over far enough. Is this brilliant? Because didn't I just say to you last week,

don't get that fixed in the back of the car because eventually someone will crash into you. In the boot. No, because I'm an honest citizen. Yeah. I didn't claim that they'd done that. Missed a chance. It's weird.

They crashed into the back side of me. I can't say. And mysteriously, That whole back area. There's a bollard-shaped dent in the boot. You're always adding everything else. No, no, no. I shan't commit insurance fraud.

I just shan't. So I pull over and the guy doesn't move. He's just stopped. Right. So I usher him towards me to say, you better come and we better sort some stuff out. Yeah. So he pulls in, literally the first words, oh my gosh, what happened?

And I said, well, I think you were going to perform a U-turn and you didn't see me. Yeah. Really? He starts asking me questions. I'm like, yeah, just where you hit me, I was kind of like around you and I was already giving you a wide berth and my cat-like reflexes made me give you a wider berth,

but you still collected the end of my car, the back of my car. And he's like, is that what happened? I assume you're well versed in what your part is. I can tell you how my part went and I can assume yours. Anyway, he did say it was his fault. Well, that's good. And we exchanged insurance details.

I took photos on my phone of the damage because you're always supposed to do that. Yeah. And then a photo of him. He's like, well, you take a photo of me. I was like, oh, I don't know. In case you like later on deny that this was your fault. Or say that you weren't driving your car, so now I've got a photo of you and your car in the same spot

and it's geotagged in this very location. I don't know because I am a thorough insurance claimant. This is my first rodeo, pal. So then I go home and I ring the insurance. I get home and I say to shut up. I ham it up a little bit. I hope for a little bit of sympathy. I've been in a vehicle.

I've been in a vehicle altercation. Okay. She's like, what? Don't call it that. Just call it a crash. Yeah. And I shut her and she's like, oh, well, it's not that bad. I was like, woman, I am shooketh.

Woman. My nerves are frayed. I nearly died. I've been in a vehicle accident. I could have been paralyzed. So then I ring insurance to get the ball rolling because his insurance is going to get in touch with my insurance. This is how insurance works. Yeah.

So, and Sade sits by me as I make the phone call and she's like shaking her head and then I get off the phone. I'm like, what was the problem? She's like, why do you say things like this? You say, hello, it's Vaughan Smith speaking. I've been involved in a light mode of excellence. And I say, I don't know why I get freaked out. Have I ever talked to the police or insurance?

I give them air like... It's Vaughn Allen Smith. Vaughn Allen Smith. Date of birth, 20th of February. It's a pleasure to talk to you, Tanya. I'm calling to report an incident. My customer number is 5482. I've been involved in a light motor vehicle incident.

And I said, I'm thorough. And yeah, I was on the phone for ages and I gave so many details. I said, Tanya, that wasn't her name. Tanya, what's your email address? I'll flick you through the photos. She's like, that's not necessary at this stage. I was like, look, let's just get the ball rolling, Tanya. And it all got sorted.

Right. But now I have to do that thing where I have to go to a panel beater's. Oh, they give you a courtesy car. Yeah. Which isn't, I quite like courtesy cars. Even if they're like little like Daihatsu Maris,

it's fun driving somebody else's car. Yeah. Yeah, but I don't, I don't want to get to the panel beater's and have to use the toilet because then you go in and there's a nudie. I always feel,

I might be alone on this, but I've always felt very uncomfortable using a bathroom where a woman's breasts are exposed and she's looking at my penis. I also feel uncomfortable. Or like, have you ever been in an absolute emergency, like rurally, and you need to use a service station's bathroom and you go in, or a mechanic's, and they're very kind, they let you use it. It's grubby, so, you know, they're not too fussy.

You're sitting down doing a poo and you're just getting eyeballed by a topless woman. You're like, I can't look at you. Are they still a thing now, those calendars? Surprisingly so. Really? Surprisingly so. They don't send them out to their customers willy-nilly anymore. Because you might offend someone by sending them a booby calendar.

But they definitely still exist. But I'm okay. It's good to know. And so far, insurance claim going well. Thank you for your interest. If I'm going to email a woman, Marie Shepherd has decided if you don't ask, you don't get. This is very, very

true. Good life advice, eh? She is originally from England and she loves the royals, but she's lived here since 1982, but she likes to keep up with everything. So when she found out Meghan Markle and Prince Harry were getting married, she was like, do you know what? I'm just going to ask if I can come

to the wedding. If you don't ask, you don't get. Nah, not on weddings. The old don't ask, don't get, because that's all good when you're not inviting someone to your wedding and they're like, hey, so when are invites out for your wedding? Did you get that much for your wedding, Megan? What, people asking?

Yeah. You two did it. Every, like, month. We knew we were getting, we knew we were coming. Where's our invite? Didn't we? We knew. We didn't say that pathetically.

In fact, you were the only people that asked. Really? Yeah. I even came back early from holiday. Do you remember that? Yeah. That's a really good thing to holiday. Do you remember that? Yeah. But that's a really good thing to do. I do remember that because you...

I remind her every week still. On the scheme of things, that might not seem that selfless, but on the Fletch scheme of things, that's... It's very selfless. There is a big step for me. I thought it was dying. I assumed you were dying. Yeah, sure.

But did you get people that were just like, where's my invite? Yeah. Yeah, there was a few of those. Yeah. And then you never quite know how to answer it. Oh, there's only a handful of people coming. I read that, was it Patrick Adams, who's in Suits? Yep.

Who was, you know, her on-screen boyfriend. Yeah. He doesn't even have her number now. She's changed her number. Meghan Markle. He's just like, I've got no way of getting in touch with her. I guess he's not going to the wedding. Surely he is.

But then if I was a prince, I wouldn't want the guy that had, you know, on screen. Yeah, Kirsten, yeah. No, but if you're Meghan Markle, you've got the best excuse. You should just be like, oh, the royal family. You know what they're like. The queen's like, Rolo Sturton. Yeah. Yeah.

My mother-in-law, dead, but you know. So, she found the address online, Marie, from Whanganui, found the address online and she just wrote them a letter.

Now, she wasn't expecting too much, but she did get a letter signed by Buckingham Palace in the mail and it just said, it is not a matter with which Her Majesty can assist you. They actually wrote back.

They wrote back. Wow, what a... Somebody else's problem, deflection. Yeah, she shows the letter in the photo. It's like full Buckingham Palace letterhead. It looks like it's been written on a typewriter. Did she include a photo of herself when applying for the wedding?

I don't know. Because in the photo and the paper, her husband, is that her husband? Yeah. He's wearing a heavy metal t-shirt. Mike's wearing a heavy metal t-shirt. He's got a mohawk. I'm not saying he wouldn't have a tux,

but if a stranger's asking to come to my wedding and they're wearing a heavy metal t-shirt, you know, I've only got so much on the bar. Yeah, because they're heavy bar drinkers. What about that Liverpool and Nui, they're wearing heavy metal t-shirts. I'm putting the pieces of the puzzle together. Right.

I bet they love a Cody's. This is News Talks at the Breaking News. You're supposed to say Breaking News. We've got some Breaking News. Breaking Kardashian News. Breaking News. You're supposed to say breaking news. We've got some breaking news. Breaking Kardashian news. Breaking news. Khloe Kardashian recently welcomed a daughter. We've got a name.

Do we have first name and second name? Yeah. And last name? Are we going to be disappointed? Just first and last name. Are we going to be disappointed? I think you'll be disappointed. Okay.

So we've got Dream. We've got North. Northwest. North. We've got Chicago. Saint. And now we have got Dream. We've got North. We've got Chicago Saint. And now we have True Thompson.

True. True. True. T-R-U-E. Yep, is her name. Not Prue? No, True. What am I, Prue?

True Thompson West. Kardashian West. No, she's not a West. Oh, she's not a West. She's Kanye's. Oh, yeah. Well, no, who are you? Thompson's the guy that you're on to, not a West. It's Kanye. Oh, yeah. Well, no, who... Oh, you were saying the whole name. Thompson's the guy that cheered on her, right?

Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah. Thompson is... True Thompson. Yeah. We got a middle name? No. Could not be Ingrid.

Why? Because then her initial's a tit. That's all right. No, it's not. Is it it? It's not. No. Vas.

Mine. Vaughn Allen Smith Vas You would think Vas But Vaseline Which is a true tip I got it Yeah A friend of mine

Her initials were Vag Growing up I was going to say Imagine if your last name Was Gregory Yeah Vag Vaughn Allen Gregory

That's a nice sounding name though Is it? Sounds like I'd ride horses Right okay Alright Vaughn Gregory We can move on now Okay We'll tell you And it's no surprise to myself Nice sounding name though. Is it? Sounds like I'd ride horses. Right, okay. Yeah, which is our horn, Gregory. We can move on now. Okay.

We'll tell you, and it's no surprise to myself, the Waikato is the most hospitable region in New Zealand. Well done, Waikato. Well done. Waikato, really? This is a study. This is from Airbnb. This is feedback from Airbnb.

Okay. And how they found the is feedback from Airbnb. Okay. And how they found the areas and the people. Right. And the Waikato just cleans up. It does really well. Is this just out of the upper North Island? No, this is in the entirety of New Zealand. This is only going on, reviews, right? So this is Airbnb feedback that includes things of the area

mentioned within these Airbnb reviews often about the Waikato chatty, friendly locals, stunning countryside, Hobbiton, which is like our... Oh, here we go. That's not fair. That is the jewel in our crown because I went recently, never been, I'm proudly a Waikato lad. I'd never been to Hobbiton.

My gosh, what an absolutely beautiful thing. Hobbiton doesn't count for Hamilton. That's Waikato. No, I didn't say Hamilton. I said Waikato. Oh, that's not fair because there's Hamilton. But what do people think about their Airbnb accommodation? Is it because they don't expect much?

No, they're just saying maybe that's the... Right. Maybe that's the trick. We need to keep it. Expectations low. Be like, I don't know what you guys are going to think. Play it down. Classic Kiwi playing it down Right

Okay But we So Matamata Number one The most hospitable in the country Okay Closely followed by Cambridge Which is lovely

Both places Big on horses Yep Matamata probably a bit more About meth than Cambridge Which is the one with that Speed camera at the start of it Is that Cambridge?

Cambridge Yeah always bloody Yeah they'll get you there Always see that there They'll get you a bit more about meth than Cambridge. Which is the one with that speed camera at the start of it? Is that Cambridge? Cambridge. Yeah, always bloody. Yeah, they'll get you there. Always see that there. They'll get you. The highest waterfall in the North Island, Waerere Falls. Oh, yeah, beautiful.

That's a beautiful waterfall to hike up. Yep. And just down from there, whilst not mentioning Airbnb, personally, for me, I want to see the crash site of the DC-8. I know, we've been talking about it for years. Tramping into that.

You can hike in and there's a crashed plane. Is it still there? The bits of it are still there because it's so rugged they've never been able to get it out. But do we worry about

how we'll get in and out of there? I've got a machete. Oh my God. Follow me. It's a day. It's just a couple hours up, couple hours down. But there's no track.

Like, you've got a GPS at eight. Yeah. Okay, we can do this. So there's no track. Like, you've got a GPS today. Yeah. Okay, we can do this. So you guys aren't coming back. We'll get a GPS tracker. One of those tramping things. Yeah. And you just beep, beep.

And I've seen a live, basically. I've got the machete, so you won't be alive. If push comes to shove, I'm a little piggish. Okay, can you please at least wait like half a day or a day? Oh, Fletch, I forgot the scroggin'. Look over there. You're not as tasty as scroggin'. I'm not eating that shit.

I'm walking back to the car. Okay. So, yeah, I'm immensely proud of my home region there coming in. Okay, what other regions came on the list? Kirikiri came in third. So that's like Northland's representative in the area. Yeah. So there was a study across all of Australia and New Zealand.

None of New Zealand's major cities featured in the top 10 hospitable destinations. So the others are Australian? No, no, no, no. Like none of the New Zealand cities. So like Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch, Dunedin, they didn't feature in the top 10. Yeah, because it's the smaller places that people... Maybe you're right. Maybe expectations aren't huge, but then they get there.

You can't deny rural New Zealand's some beautiful vistas. Vistas. Beautiful vistas. Absolutely beautiful vistas. Well, put that feather in your cap, Waikato. We don't get many feathers in our vistas. So we'll take... We'll take whatever feathers we can find.

Even if it's an old magpie feather. Your mum's like, don't touch. You don't know what that's from. It could have had cooties or the bird flu. Yesterday, Brie in the office was telling us about a parking ticket she received. And again, just going on about Channing Tatum following her Instagram. Any chance I can get, guys. Any chance.

No, after the other day, after we talked to you about that, who else followed you? Miranda Kerr. Miranda Kerr. Well, the jury's out. I reckon she was already following. You reckon she got on board? She got on board in the great celebrity on-boardness. Yeah, Miranda Kerr's on board.

She's actually even liking my stuff. I said, Miranda, just cool it. What are you doing? Don't throw yourself at me. I mean, Evan Spiegler, her husband's Snapchat's just, you know, falling to pieces. But I used to start looking for the next, you know, success to hit your butt to.

Looking for her next victim. Yeah, exactly. I mean, partner. For life. And that's when she unfollows you. We mentioned this before, but you received, you are the person that received a parking ticket. I was wrong. It was 12.45am, wasn't it? Yeah, 12.45 in the

morning. That's just as nuts as 145 i mean neither are acceptable i was minding my own damn business yesterday walked over to my car had a ticket and i thought oh here we go and then i looked at the time and thought is that a thing like who's out giving out tickets like a parking officer do you have something better to do obviously not oh they'd love it when you say that they'd love it because i would have thought if it giving out tickets like a parking officer. Do you have something better to do? Obviously not. Oh, they'd love it when you say that. They'd love it when you say that. Because I would have thought if it was a special call out,

they just would have told you. Yeah. Because let's, what was your offence? I mean, make it worthwhile. I was doing nothing wrong. I mean, I was parked on the footpath. But, you know, I mean, give or take, nothing wrong. Right.

I came up with a few reasons why I think I would have got a ticket at that time of night. Okay. Because I had a lot of time to think about would have got a ticket at that time of night. Okay. Because I had a lot of time to think about it yesterday because I don't do any work here. Yeah. I thought maybe the ticketing officer is allergic to the sun. Hashtag albinos are people too.

Yeah. So they get the night shift. Okay. Yeah, that could be a thing. Maybe they are actually a superhero by night. I would like to think they'd be called DB man or douchebag man. Yeah. Because they're a parking officer.

Or the ticketing officer got lost in my neighbourhood on his way to hell. Right. Those are all things that you can write. There's all these that probably aren't going to get you off. Yeah. You don't really have anything to stand on because you were parked illegally on the footpath. I mean, do they have photos? Probably.

Yeah, they do. I've seen them. Because they have a printer on their belt. Have you seen this? Yeah. They've got belt printers. And they know there's not even a wire. It's all wireless.

It's all wireless. It's Bluetooth belt printing. But have you ever tried taking a photo of a car at night? If the flash goes off, the number plate gets really reflective and can sometimes blur the details of the car. Oh, right. So you should ask to see the photo as proof that it was your car because you might be looking at, you know.

You've done this before, haven't you? I'll find an excuse in a way out of most things. I called the transport guys yesterday. Right. Because, as again, I have nothing better to do. And I found out some very interesting information. Did my own law and order SVU work? Yep.

She told me that the only reason that I would have got a ticket at 12.44 in the morning on a Monday would be that someone in my neighbourhood has dobbed me in. How dare they? I'd need to find that person. I bet it was that old bitch that needs a footpath to drive a mobility scooter around. How selfish. Don't you see I'm parked here, Beryl?

I did give her the finger yesterday, actually. Was there any room for people to go around you, though? No, but that's not my problem. Oh, God, okay. You don't live in a suburb where it's okay to park, like, on your berm or on your footpath? There's a lot of construction. There's a lot of construction in my area, and there's nowhere else to park. You know, that was the only possible place, so obviously I parked there.

So if someone's narked on you, that's worse, because I'd need to know who that is. Can you imagine getting the call, though though if you were like the guys at Auckland Transport and they're like, hi, I just wanted to report there's a car on the footpath. They're like, it's 12.44 in the morning. Go to sleep. Because when would they have had to have a call? Like late at night? Yeah, you'd think so.

Oh, that's a bit silly. How much is the ticket? $40. Okay, well it hardly seems like... It's $40, Okay, well it hardly seems like. It's $40, Flesh. And I will not rest until I find. You were in the wrong. I mean, yes, but that's not important here.

What's important is someone dobbed me in and I want to find that person. Would you accept it if it was daytime? But is it just because it's at night time that you've got an issue? Yeah, let's go with that. Right. It is so weird that somebody had to go out and give a ticket at that time of night.

Yeah, 12.45 in the morning. Especially a 40-year-old one. I just would have had you towed. Yeah, you're lucky it doesn't at least make it worthwhile. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make it a bit of... Well, I'm glad it wasn't you then. I wonder, is anybody listening now that has ever used a great excuse to get out of something like this?

Like the go-to parking excuse? Because do you remember that time we were in a bus lane and you said you were from a little farm and it worked? Well, I was in Dad's ute. And I said I was from out of town and simply following my GPS's instructions that told me to turn left in 100 metres. So I moved into the left lane.

Unbeknownst to me, it was a bus lane. Yeah, you tried to blame me for that too. Well, you did say, get over now, you're going to have to cut in. Get over now, you're going to have to cut in. So I went in the bus lane. That whole lane was free. It was silly. No one was using it.

I gave Mike Hosking. I gave Mike Hosking. I got out of a ticket for undoing my pants once. That sounds really bad, but an officer pulled me over and he said, you were swerving back there. I believe you were on your phone texting. I said, no, I had a big meal and I had to undo my pants and I had to take my hand off the wheel to do that.

He goes, prove it. I lifted up my shirt. My pants are undone. I got out of the ticket. And he was just like, okay, sweet. I like how that makes it okay to be swerving over the road. He's like,

we've all been there, love. I often overdo it at buffets myself. I can completely understand. Were you there? Because that's exactly what he said. All right.

I feel that I could have let you off for the same reason. Okay, well, maybe we can help Bree out because she's from Australia and she doesn't know these things that you can't park on footpaths. Would love to save you $40.

0800DARZATM9696 Have you ever used an excuse to get out of a council ticket? And what would work? I want to know if you've ever used an excuse to get out of a council parking ticket. Like maybe you've just got a pearler, it works every time. Or it's worked a couple of times. Yeah, some text messages and some fantastic ideas

coming in from people on how Brie can get out of a parking infringement where she parked on the footpath. I just simply I reckon you just say, look I'm Australian, I'm so sorry. Kiwis love that. What if I say I'm technically blind so I couldn't really tell? Probably shouldn't be driving. No, Megan's got a friend who's legally

blind but if you've got your glasses on then you're fine. But without glasses. They're like Coke bottle glasses. Without assistance is legally blind so you could try that but if you've got your glasses on, then you're fine. But without glasses. They're like Coke bottle glasses, eh? Without assistance is legally blind. So you could try that, but then you probably should have had your glasses on. Yeah. Yeah. And then that's also like you're giving evidence as to why you probably shouldn't be driving again. Yeah.

Mountain curbs. That's fair. Yeah. That's fair why you shouldn't be driving once again. Yeah. Some text messages, excuse me, somebody said, park as close as you can. Yeah. Say, sorry, say you felt unsafe that you were being followed, so you parked as close to your door as you could,

so you could just quickly get out of your car and run into the safety of your house. Before the monsters got you. Before the monsters or the person that you thought might have been following you. So it becomes a safety. Yeah, they can't begrudge you. So it becomes a safety. Yeah, they can't. I like that idea.

They can't begrudge you for that if you felt unsafe. Yeah. I hope the person that ticks off the council tickets isn't listening. This would be horrible, wouldn't it?

It's a master plan to waste. Somebody else said, as long as you're in constant contact with them, they can never up your fee and say, oh, you're getting a late charge for not paying this. And eventually your stubbornness will beat theirs and they'll just give up.

Is that what really happens? Or can they actually take you to the police station? Well, if you just keep writing letters saying a new excuse or exaggerating the excuse. There's a lot of admin though for $40. Yeah, it is. But it's the principle of the matter. Like $2 an hour of your time. It's not lot of admin though for $40. Yeah, it is. But it's the principle of the matter.

Like $2 an hour of your time. It's not worth it. Somebody else said if your area was recently affected by the storm, you could say you parked on the side of the road, but then you were asked to move because they needed to check the drainage. The storm. That's a good one. Blame everything on the storm. Is there a

grate or a storm drain? I'm sure there might be. Or power lines? Power lines would also work. Oh, yeah, there was a downed train on the road. Yes, there was, actually, now that I think about it. No, because there'd be a photo. There'd be a photo.

Rebecca, how did your friend get off a parking ticket? So she works in Takatuna, and there's, like, no parking or anything. So she parked down by the beach. Okay. So she rose into the sputum and said that she was paddle boarding, dropped her car keys in the water, Ubered home to get a spare spare, and by the time she'd got back,

had got a ticket, and they believed her. No way. And literally all she'd done is go for a nice lunch there at a Takapuna restaurant or work. No, she just like, she just like parked down by the beach

because she works in Takapuna. Oh, so she was here like all day. Okay. I would have doubled down on the fine for paddle boarding. I would have been like, that's... I mean, this is a hard lesson for you to learn, but paddle boarding sucks and you've now got double the fine. I really like that excuse.

I don't think that's going to work though at 12.45am when your ticket was issued, Bree. What if I say I locked my keys in the car? After I parked on the footpath. Or I parked on the footpath and then locked my keys in the car so I'd have a decent excuse to get off a ticket. Thanks, Rebecca. This is a really good one. Somebody said

say your car broke down or ran out of petrol and some people helped you push it off the road but the only thing off the road was the footpath at that time and then you, obviously it's broken down and out of petrol, so you couldn't move it by yourself because you are but one person. And you're going to sort it out. In the morning.

First thing in the morning. Definitely. And I'll never park there again. No. That's a good one. That's my favourite. That's a good one, actually. I actually have to write an email later, so I might use that one.

However. Oh, yeah. Okay. Guys, in a previous life so I might use that one. However. Oh, yeah. Okay. Guys, in a previous life, I was a council lawyer. Okay. Specialising in prosecuting parking tickets. Okay. If you defend it over and over and the council decides not to waive it,

it will usually end up in court, which will cost you more than $40. Not if you teach yourself law and defend yourself. Yes, and then come out the other side with a law degree and begin defending people who have made terrible parking choices. This is getting very expensive. I always just think if they're like, oh, come to court, oh, no, here's $40. At that point, can you just give it to them?

No, you probably have to go through the whole process. Can I take it back to when it was $40? Am I a bad person? Am I a bad person? Am I a bad person? It's very judgmental, this segment. I mean, if you have to ask, the answer is probably yes, but you're asking. Not always. Not always.

Okay. Sam, good morning. Morning, guys. How are you? Good. You would like to know if you are a bad person. Yeah. So it's going to happen soon.

I'm just curious about if I'm going to be a bad person for doing it. Okay. I'm going away overseas. I am in a relationship. I've been in a relationship for maybe two years. I'm going away overseas on a contiki. Okay. Here's my thing.

Here's my thing. Yeah, you know. Here's my thing. I kind of, I don't know. I just don't know if I need to always be going back to her and talking to her. I feel like this is a chance for me to maybe push the boat out a little bit.

Am I a bad person for feeling and thinking this way, you know? I told you, it's always there. You're always a bad person. So you're in a relationship, but you're going overseas for an extended period, so you want to be off the leash. You want to be free. Like, yeah.

I kind of just want to... I don't know if I want to be all the way free but I feel like a little bit free. Yeah, that's the thing. You can't be halfway free. You're either free

or you're not free. There's no one that's half-assed free. Why, Sam, why do you want to be like... Well, you say free. Why do you want to be free?

I just feel like the con tiki is one of those chances to maybe open up and just sort of have a different experience. You just want to sleep with other women. So hot French girls, hot Spanish girls. Hey, I didn't say that. You said that. But I mean, if that's going to come up, that's going to come up.

But how, if you like your partner that much, how do you just like forget about her for a little bit? Because there's hot girls in New Zealand as well. There's hot French girls. They travel here. So why isn't this a worry for you 24-7? I don't think it's a worry for me 24-7. But I just like the idea, I think, of going overseas and being alone,

being with a group of people, a different group, and just sort of going out of my way to have a bit more fun. Sounds like you don't really want a girlfriend. I mean, I like having her here because she's a good companion. Oh, don't say that, Sam. So you want your cake and you want to eat it too. When you're talking to her about it, do not say that. Companion makes it sound like a dog,

and you can just leave those behind when you go on a contiguity. You just book them into like a kennel for an extended stay. No one wants to be a girlfriend of convenience. No. No. I'm a bad person for wanting to push the boat out while I'm cooking. Do I have to always talk to her while I'm over there? Oh, my God.

Yeah, I think you've answered your own question there, really. But so your ideal situation would be go away as a single man, come back and get back into a relationship with her. It's like being on a break. Right. You just want to be on a break. Yeah, while I'm overseas having the time of my life. Why isn't she going?

If you've been together for that long. She's not going because I didn't invite her. Right. That sounds wildly premeditated now. It sounds like you're not committing manslaughter. You've premeditated murder. Do you just kind of want to find yourself a little bit or something? Yeah, I haven't traveled alone yet, and I have travelled with her,

and it was okay, but I just couldn't let loose as much, and I think this is a chance for me. That's called being in a committed relationship where you can't sleep with other people. Okay, well, maybe you've been in this situation where you've been with someone for a while, and one of you has gone travelling. Maybe you stayed faithful.

Or maybe you're a master justifier and you can give Sam some tips on how to actually get this passed. Because you know there's those guys and you just seem to be, they get away with things and you're like, how did you do that? Well, maybe it is possible for a couple to take a break and do this.

You're just like, you know what? Because I mean, you're not saying that she can't do what she wants in that time. Yeah, like, is she allowed to sleep with hot, like... Dudes? Dudes? I mean... She, yes. Yeah, the immediate answer should have been yes.

Even if you didn't mean it. Even if you didn't mean it, you should have said yes. If I said yes, it meant I could, right? Okay, right. So 0800-DANCE DALS at N9696. We want to open up the phone lines now. Is Sam a bad person? And have you been in this situation?

You can text as well, 9696. So stand by, Sam. I believe you may be a bad person, though. Am I a bad person? So, am I a bad person? Sam just a couple of minutes ago joined us with quite a predicament. He's going travelling. He currently has a girlfriend of about a year.

Wants to go on a break, essentially, so that he can be free to do whatever happens while on his overseas excursion. You know what? At least he's being honest. Yeah. Because I initially thought a lot of people would be quite against him and say, yes, he is a bad person. But a lot of, especially females, are saying, not all, but are saying, well, he's being honest.

Better than guys that just go overseas. People are saying that, but it's definitely still a majority. The other way, someone messaged in saying, what's Sam's last name? Because my daughter's boyfriend's called Sam. Well, there's lots of Sams out there. And he's planning an overseas trip soon. Oh, God.

Sam is inadvertently getting other Sams in trouble. Kate joins us. Kate, is Sam a bad person? I think every situation is different. It depends on the relationship and the dynamic. Yeah. Me and my partner, we've been together eight years. We got together quite young, so we didn't really know what was out there.

He was my first real partner, so I hadn't exactly had those loose early 20 years, we'll say. So after being together for three years, he decided to travel over to Australia for work. So I decided I didn't want a long-distance relationship. So we ended it. He went over there, came back every once in a while. We were still friends, and then he came back. We ended up getting back together,

and we've now been, you know, eight years strong. Wait a minute. Eight years since you... That doesn't include your break, does it? It does. No, you've got to restart it. You've lived in different countries and you've got to restart. Born as a stickler for restarting the clock.

You've got to restart it. If you go on a break, restart the clock. But others will just count the total time, won't they? Yeah, because we don't feel like we were really apart. Well, you were. Others will just count the total time, won't they? Yeah, because we don't feel like we were really apart. Well, you were. We still had strong feelings for each other and we still saw each other quite often. So how long have you been back together

since he moved back then? Four years. We now have one child, another one on the way. We are engaged and we also bought a house. Well, that's awesome that you've been together four years. Not a day. Can I ask, do you ever ask about what happened when you were on the break, or do you just not talk about it?

No, we were completely honest with each other. You know, we both had a lot of fun, I'll say, when we were separated. Okay. But in all honesty, I think that's made our relationship stronger because now we know what's out there. Now we both realise that this is what we want. Megan's doing that face like... I don't get it when people

are like, I don't know what's out there, because it's like you'll do, but there might be something better. You know? You either care about that person and you like that person or you don't. You're the save point in a video game. So if it all goes badly, I'll just reload from the last save point. But if I find a better sword,

then I'm going on that quest. A sword. Oh, God. Kate, thanks. You're cool. Emma, is Sam a bad person for wanting a break while he travels?

Yes, of course he is. He's selfish. He just wants to be a lad. I'm agreeing with you, Emma. Because that's... He just wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to stick his donut in your donut. No, no, Emma. Because that's... He just wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to stick his donut finger in his donut.

No, no, no. His whole donut. Well, he does actually. He does have a donut. I don't know why he wants to stick it in his donut. Maybe he wants to... Maybe it is fingers. He just can't say, oh, you know, I still want her to be there

and blah, blah, blah, when I come back. She can find so much, so much better than him. Might be his best friend when he gets back and he'll just feel a bit shitty. Also, I don't like it how he pretty much described her as a chore. He's like, I don't want to have to talk to her every day. You're not meant to be with her then.

But there are different time zones, Megan. Oh, if it's a punish, then don't worry about it, mate. Yeah, a punish is a punish word. Yeah, Emma, thanks. You're called Ruben. You're in exactly the same situation. Is Sam a bad person?

No, he's not a bad person, but he's got to tread very carefully with how he has this discussion. Because obviously, like, it's understandable that he wants to maybe go overseas, like, learn some experiences. You know, there could be some activities you want to go do, but she's messaging you, oh, can we talk? I want to go to bed, had a bit of a rough day. And you're like, oh, well, I can't go out with these people because I need to speak to her.

And it can just create some awkwardness. I've had a rough day. You know that she's a person and you can just say, hey, I'm going out, I'll talk to you soon. I was going to go up the Eiffel Tower, but if you're going to whine on about it, I guess I'll... Oh, my God. So have you had this talk with your partner?

Yeah, like, oh, three years ago. For me, basically, like, this is where my advice to Sam comes in. Yeah. Like Megan has just done, she deciphered what he was saying in about two seconds flat, and any smart woman's going to do the same thing. Really the reason why he wants to break is so that he can share with other women overseas.

He needs to tread very carefully how he explains this to her if he is planning on getting her back when she comes overseas. When he comes back from overseas because basically as I found out, I got her back up way too much. She called me out on it straight away and that was that.

So, yeah. So, did your relationship end or did you come back? Oh, so it's over. And it was... Was it worth it, though? It was a family friend. So, I have seen her, like, every couple of months for the last three years. And it's awkward every time.

So, do you regret doing that? Or are you happy that you did that? No. so do you regret doing that or are you happy that you did that no realistically at the time when I got back yeah I did but now looking at where all of our

lives have gone and what she's doing it was actually probably the best thing for her as well I just think if you fundamentally wanted to do that

then you probably weren't meant to be together because if you really care about someone you wouldn't want to you can go without

alright Ruben thanks for. You can go without. All right, Ruben. Donut. You can go without a donut for six months, can't you? Yeah. Yeah, plenty of other carbohydrates in Europe. Yes, baguettes, for example. Get to France and get some baguette in you.

I love it how guys are like, you want to go overseas and experience. You know that there's like lots of things to experience other than other women, you know? Like, Fletcher's looking bewildered. Yeah, but like the Mona Lisa, but that's a woman. She'd be like, I saw the way you looked at that Mona Lisa and you took that photo of her. If we had to summarise with a percentage,

is Sam a bad person for wanting a break? 90% bad person. 90% bad person. Is that mainly females? No, guys and girls. Guys and girls. Because it's not just guys that do this, right? No.

Yeah. Girls are like, I'm going overseas. It's over. Oh, yeah. Or let's have a break. Some. Some women. I don't know.

I'm hoping you've got an example there, Vaughn. I know I don't. You're on your own here, buddy. So it is just guys. Yeah, right. We've had so many messages, thoughughn. Oh, no, I don't. You're on your own here, buddy. So it is just guys. Yeah, right. We've had so many messages, though. There might be a couple of girls in the mix. I just haven't seen the messages.

We're going to come back next with Fact of the Day on Set M. Fact of the Day, Day, Day, Day, Day. Today's Fact of the day is howler monkeys. Do you know howler monkeys? Oh, yes. Have you ever heard them in your travels in South America? Yeah, in Costa Rica. Yeah.

Oh, loud. Very, very loud. What do they do? They howl. That's how they get their name, howler monkeys. Loudest mammal on the planet. You should YouTube one and I'll chuck in your DJ cord. I didn't think to get an audio accompaniment. You should have thought about it.

You're working an audio medium. It's a medium of audio, Vaughn. Oh, it certainly is. What's this? This is Howler monkeys. Snatch AO. Yeah, that's him. He's like a baboon.

Howler monkeys have what's called a hyoid bone in their throats. Yeah. I want to talk about the hyoid bone. Why is he ruining your fact of the night? No, no, no, he's not because I don't think he would have said this, but in howler monkeys specifically, the louder the calls, the smaller the balls. Really?

Yeah. Because they're very grunt, like, you would think, wouldn't you, with the louder they could go, they'd have a big pair of testicles. Yeah. Because they're quite big. They're not like your little cappuccino monkeys. Oh, no, no, they're not a cappuccino monkey.

They're not a flat white. They're not a piccolo. They're not any form of coffee monkey. They're big howler monkeys. So the louder the calls, the smaller the balls. So to make that high word that they just said, they make a louder and lower call

the bigger the bone is. Right. Because it acts as an amplifier. However, to make that bone grow bigger, they need less of their testosterone and less testosterone means smaller balls. Right.

So they are, and we talk about this, in humans, overcompensating. Generally in humans, it's European sports cars or, you know, flashy things or,

you know. Yeah. How else do humans overcompensate? Those sorts of things. Flash things. Yeah, but in howler monkeys, it's louder,

louder calls. Wow, okay. Soler Monkeys, it's louder calls. Wow, okay. So it's like, we know that, but they don't know that about each other yet. But when they find out, I wonder if they'll just tone it down a little bit. Like, one will be like, best I can do. Because of this. But then it's not like, yeah, it's all on show, isn't it, with them? Yeah, it is.

It's not like they can pretend That they don't I don't think They're particularly fussy That's another thing Us humans have And we often project Onto other species

Is you know We worry about What we look like and stuff But I think they're just Getting on with what they're doing Yeah right Yeah like you know He's not gonna

And the female's gonna be like That's nice That's a loud Nice loud call I'm gonna go Go again Yeah I'm coming Right now He's not going to, and the female's going to be like, that's nice. That's a loud, nice, loud call. I'm going to go, go again? Yeah, I'm coming. Right now.

And then she gets there and she's like, ooh, tiny balls. That's unusually small balls. I was with another monkey last week. Not as loud as you, granted, but the balls were, is there a correlation? I am a monkey. I believe this train of thought is well beyond me. So today's fact of the day is the howler monkey, the louder the calls, the smaller the balls.

And it rhymes so much as Nate. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. FVM, the podcast I took the girls Because school holidays Like to do some different things With my daughters And we, the other day Went, got a wheelbarrow And went to pick up some rubbish

In the community Mostly because I When there was a storm Yeah When there was a storm The other day, we got a wheelbarrow and went to pick up some rubbish in the community. Mostly because when there was a storm, heaps of rubbish got washed down our street. And we were by one of the gutters that got clogged up with leaves and there was heaps of rubbish in there. So we pulled it out. And I said, you know, I reckon we could fill up a wheelbarrow piece of cake with rubbish down the road by the park. Could any of you at that age imagine your parents doing that? No.

No. We are not on a farm, so we just burnt all our rubbish. Hey, you can thank us for the hole in the ozone. We're going to take time out of our busy lives parenting you to go and pick up some rubbish

with a wheelbarrow. This wouldn't happen. No. Because our parents had to work all day. Yeah. Get to be home by lunchtime. So I took them out and filled up two word boroughs, by the way.

And also, what's the thought? Because I know you're not allowed to dump your household rubbish in those community bins, the council bins. Yeah, no, you're not. But this wasn't my household rubbish. So you can put it in the bin because you don't get it from your house. Sometimes they go through the council and they'll... If they find like a letter...

If they find letters and stuff, yeah. They'll prosecute you. Yeah, they will. I always remember that was when we used to go and stay at the beach when we were kids. We'd put all our rubbish in plastic bags and go for walks and dump the household rubbish just a little bit at a time. Like the guy on the Shawshank Redemption. Yeah, a little bit at a time.

A little bit of dirt at a time. Anyway, we were moseying around picking up the rubbish and I found somebody's, and I thought of you immediately, Fletch, circular dumping spot. Junk mail. Someone who's in charge of delivering circulars. They had a regular dumping spot

and crikey, there were some circulars. Like me, sick of delivering it and so they just dump it. I can talk about this because of the statute of limitations that's now passed. And you were dumping them on your own parents' property. Dump it. And sending it on fire after.

There's no evidence, Warren. There's no evidence. Well, there is a feature. Prove it. Prove it. If you buried it up. Lazy from the start. If you buried it up together at once,

because I know circulars in the 90s were made of that, you know, non-biodegradable, hard, shiny paper. Right in the middle, there still might be some evidence. It's really hard. It's a hard after school job delivering junk mail because it's right in summer and nobody wants it. Some people do want it though. There'd be the odd complaint, but it's just harder because then you get the days where

it's raining. You're just like, I see BF. And so you just go out and just dump them. Not all the time. Sometimes. That's so naughty. I found out though, because when you first

start a junk mail run, they give you a pamphlet and they scare the shit out of you. Oh, what does the pamphlet say? They're like, do not throw away these circulars

or dump them because you'll be prosecuted. And so for the first like two years, I was like, perfect. You're 12. The law literally

won't touch you, but they put the fear of God up you that if you litter, you're going to prison with people who murdered someone. Exactly. So you're like, oh my God,

I've got to deliver all the circulars. And that was when I found out. I can't go to jail for chucking this Decker catalogue in the book. No, and that's, the guy said to me, he's like,

you've been so good because the manager of Decker lives on your run. And I was like, I'm doing such a great job. So I actually found out Stalking where he lived, the manager of Decker, R.A.P. Decker lives on your run. And I was like, I'm doing such a great job. So I actually found out Stalking where he lived, the manager of Decker, R.A.P. Decker, former department store.

So from then when I got lazy, if I had a Decker, I'd do his straight and then I'd just chuck the rest of them. That's smart. Probably the reason Decker went under. Work smarter, not harder. The New Plymouth Decker was the first domino to fall.

But you'd always see your big ones like the warehouse people love getting those so they'd complain if they didn't get them. You should have dropped a little card in every letterbox saying, hello I'm your circular guy. Should you not receive a circular that you were looking forward to, be in contact. And then you just deliver specific people. Do you know if I was smart

and I'd do this now if I delivered circulars I'd go on AliExpress and order no junk mail stickers and I'd deliver them to every single house on my run. So then when they complain, you just say, hey, you've got no junk mail. No, but I wouldn't tell the people, would I? Oh, then you'd

still be done with them. Yeah, and so I'd end up halving my run. In fact, I'd even be proactive. I'd knock on people's doors. Do you want me to stick this on your letterbox? What about the environment? Yeah, I'd even be proactive. I'd knock on people's doors. Do you want me to stick this on your letterbox? What about the environment? Yeah, I'm running a service. Yep, yep.

That's clever. But so what's happened with your dumping ground? I took a photo of all the dumping ground, of the circulars, and put a photo on the local Facebook page. Oh, you're gnark. I know, I was a bit gnarky. But I was like,

I don't have a problem with you dumping your circulars. Just put them in the paper recycling bin outside the back of the dairy and then cover it with a cardboard box and no harm, no foul. But you're dumping them here. Environmentally friendly. Yeah. Environmentally friendly laziness is my preferred. Yeah, because I was burning mine.

I mean, obviously now I'm sitting at... Hey, it was a different time. It was a different era. It was. So obviously now I wouldn't encourage that. It is stealing. It's bad. That pamphlet really scared you all these years later it's stealing guys it's bad but again like i said statue of limitations uh applies yeah so it was a crime

10 years ago right when i was out of high school well i've cost someone their job because apparently they've been fired from the circular round are you kidding kidding? I was probably a kid. Rightly so. Rightly so. I stand by my decision. Big old man. Little punk bitch. Jumping in my neighborhood. It's so lucky I didn't have a local Facebook page when I had a job.

I'm trying to surge property prices up and these sorts of little indiscretions are bringing them right back down. F.E.M. I am... Am I ready to say this? You're an addict. I'm a little bit addicted to shopping

Just a little bit Do you know I worry Thank you A round of applause for admitting it Admission Can intern Anya admit that she's also addicted to shopping? He's just a little teeny tiny baby one I got to work today and there was an ASOS package

I was like is this Megan or Anya? It was Anya I see i just walked in and pointed at it and she's like it's the shoes it's the same shoes um the thing fell off and so it doesn't count they're not new they're just exchanged i don't think it counts there's no issue here vaughn as a mentor here at work mentors and you know the good things rub off on you don't they but whereas megan is mentoring you and the bad things are rubbing off you have increased your online shopping exponentially yes you've gotten so good at it in the last six months thank you oh my god we prefer to say so

good is success measured by packages received and value for money and stylishness. And is that directly corresponding to debt accrued? And Indomie Noodles pre-payday. Basically. So I've been doing really well. Anya, however, really bad. But I have found something new to replace my need to shop. Are you listening to this, Anya? This is what you need.

Is this like your gum or your patches? Yeah, it is. Oh my God, this is bad. This is like your nicotine patches. So I found an app where you can be a stylist. So I can physically shop for clothes and some of them look like cartoon pictures. Some of them look like real

and they're real designers too. Right. So I can shop for clothes and style my person and then submit these style challenges and then people vote and give me money and points for how well I do. What do you use the money and points for? To buy more clothes.

Do real people vote on them? Yeah. So I also have to go on and vote for other people's clothes. Right. So it's a game. Yeah. But I'm shopping. This does look great. Buy all these items at Amazon for $1,000. No, but that would be so good.

Yeah, they're missing a trick there, aren't they? Yeah. It'll be out in the next patch update. Yeah. So I just had a challenge for like a glamorous surprise party and I got five stars because I wore a real cute green dress. So it's like themed. Yeah.

Do you upload your head to go on the body? No. They give you the body? No, I chose... So this is paper doll dress-ups with feedback. Pretty much, pretty much. But the modern version. Yeah, and so you have to wait for feedback

and then you get money and diamonds depending on how well you did. Oh, so when you said the other day, I've run out of money, like literally one day after payday, you were talking about fake money. Oh, so when you said the other day, I've run out of money, like literally one day after payday, you were talking about fake money. Yeah, no, I'm here. I got the app and I ran out of money in the same day.

So how much money, this is how they get you to keep coming back, how much money did you get when you got the five star for the surprise dress up thing? Like $300 and five diamonds. What do you do with the diamonds? Can you buy things with diamonds? Well, it's just some things you buy with diamonds and some things you buy with the diamonds? Can you buy things with diamonds? Well, there's some things you buy with diamonds

and some things you buy with money. Can you buy more? Right, so that's how they're going to get you. Which I haven't done yet. So $300, what would that get you? A pair of pants? Well, it depends. So you would keep the jacket from the last outfit,

maybe marry it up to these new pants you purchased. Yeah, you'll be so proud of me. And you slowly expand your uniform. Because I've run out of money. So my last styling challenge, I had to use stuff from my wardrobe. Oh my God, how ghastly. How ghastly. You've got to expand your uniform. Because I've run out of money. So my last styling challenge, I had to use stuff from my wardrobe. Oh, my God. How ghastly.

How ghastly. I've got nothing to wear. Is there a button that says I've got nothing to wear? I'm not going. I had to go for a chic brunch in, what's that place with the bridge near you? Oh, Brooklyn. Oh, chic in Brooklyn. And I used stuff that I already had in my wardrobe.

But that's okay because it's Brooklyn. Yeah. It's very hipster and chic. But that's okay because it's Brooklyn. Yeah. It's very hipster and chic. Yeah, yeah. So it's called Covet, C-O-V-E-T, if anyone would like to do it. Okay, so if you've got a shopping addiction, that could feed it. And you feel like it is ticking the boxes. Because I'm literally shopping these clothes and then dressing this person, like making the outfits.

Is it the same as going onto a website, though, and putting everything in the basket and then going, no. No, because you still don't get that thrill of clicking buy if you're just dumping your basket. And I am saving for this really cute dress that's just out of my price range currently. See, you now understand why I play Fortnite, because if I don't, I'm going to kill everybody. You're quite often parachuting.

Or run around with just like shooting a shotgun in the sky, panicking that I can't hit anything and then I get sniped.