ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - April 19 2018

Episode Date: April 18, 2018

August was singing a song in the supermarket but one that was probably better sung in the car, Divorce Lawyer - James Sexton is on the phone and what do your parents do better than you?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, brought to you by Spark. Capture life like never before with the Samsung Galaxy S9. I told you you should have done it, Megan. No, I tell you, that was great. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Thank you, Anya. Good morning.

Who turned on her salt lamp last night. No, turned on. Oh, no, left it on. No. Anyway, we just got this weird message to the lamp last night. No, turned off. Oh. No, left it on. No. Anyway, we just got this weird message to the group last night saying, hey, hun, can you turn off my salt lamp? X, O, X, O. We're like, what? It's nice to sleep with it on.

And Andy was out. So, hey, I said, when you come home, can you turn it off? Because you don't want to sleep with that on all night. Oh, wait. So you were in bed and it was on and you just say, when you get home, turn that off. Yeah. Okay. Right. so you were in bed and it was on and you just say, when you get home, turn that off. Yeah. Okay.

Right, and you sent it to the wrong chat. Yeah. Why do you have a salt lamp? Because I like the colours and it's all I hear is good for the vibes in the room and the, yeah.

You're selling it. Self-controlled. It's terrible for the cholesterol if you lick it every day, though. So I'm told. It's not actually, like, salty lick it every day, though. So I'm told. It's not actually, like, salty, is it? Well, I've never licked it, but, yeah, it's a big-ass rock of salt. That would be the first thing I would do.

Yeah, I licked PJ's salt lamp as a joke because I'm like, surely it won't be salty. Salty as you like. Really? She's all about earthing blankets and all kinds of... Stuff that you don't understand. Yeah, yeah, basically. Or agree with.

It has no scientific explanation, so it's probably a boo. Well, you like to deal in facts, don't I? PJ joins us on the show this morning to talk about First Dates New Zealand, the First Dates New Zealand edition. Yeah, it'll be interesting considering she's got a boyfriend now. I know, but that's the thing, when they filmed this, she didn't have a boyfriend. No.

Awkward, now she does. I don't know if but that's the thing. When they filmed this, she didn't have a boyfriend. No. Awkward. Now she does. I don't know if he'll be watching that. You can ask her. We'll ask. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. All right, story time.

Three news headlines. Vaughn and Megan, you must pick one headline out of the following three. Headline one, robbery on skateboard doesn't end well. Headline two, best excuse to get out of jury duty. And headline three, robots could help poor marriages. I haven't been on my skateboard for ages. Oh, yeah. Just when you said robbery on a skateboard.

I've still got it. This is what's happened. Because I would skate. Primarily, I would do my skating on pickup, school pickup, and kindy pickup. Yeah. But they resealed our entire road with this, like, heavy chip. Oh. Do you call it aggregate?

A heavy chip. A heavier chip. Oh, no. A heavy. I know. That's right. It's rural road chip is what it is. But you've got a bus that goes down your road.

Do you reckon that's why? Because they redid the whole road last year, obviously made a complete balls up of it, and redid it in a heavier chip. But I feel like that's the chip they put on rural roads. Yuck streets. It's cheap, isn't it? So then they...

Because we've got a nice one. You just thought it's real nice. Oh, yes, but you're in a city. You've got to keep you happy because you've got the loudest voice when it comes to whinging. So, the loose, large chip. Yeah. Never got the tarsial layer over the top. Yeah, right.

So, it was always getting put up on the footpath. And I tell you, a little stone to a skateboarder, an amateur skateboarder like me, death. That's death. Yeah, that's breaking your neck, isn't it? And I'm not going to sweep the path all the way there and all the way back. Well, you do. That would take the cool out of skateboarding.

Then the chips will come back. I know they do, 100%. Oh, no. Have you thought about writing a letter to your local council? No. Okay. We're still on this. We're just happy to have somebody to do skids on, you know?

Happy to have a road. Yeah. Okay. But that's why I haven't been skateboarding. The chip. Large chip. Large chip. Rural size aggregate. People that know about roading... I'm sure it was a mistake. People that know about

roading sales... It was huge. Loving this chip. Loving it. You're coming over tomorrow. Remind me to show you the size of this chip. Oh yeah, let's go. You'll know when you're driving down the road. The road noise increases. Yeah, because it's louder. Because of the size of the chip. Yeah. Large chip.

That's appalling. Rural aggregate, I would say it is. Okay. The road outside my parents' farm is smoother. Okay. And it's got tankers on it. All the time. All the time.

This is a big issue, Megan. Yeah. I'm glad we've stopped and talked about this. Which headline do you want? I can't remember. I've glad we've stopped and talked about this. Which headline do you want? I can't remember. I've forgotten all the headlines. I remember two things. Best excuse to get out of jury duty?

Yeah. Okay, we'll go that one. Not the skateboarding one. Not the skateboarding one. All right, we go to America now. And Damien Schrader has been summonsed for jury duty. Have you guys been summonsed before? Never.

Yeah, I have. Four times. I got out of it all four before? Never. I have. Four times. I got out of it all four. I know. I'm on my last. I think because they changed the rules. And I think the next time we get summonsed, Megan, because I'm the same as you, three or four,

you've got to do it. Unless you chop an arm off or something. That'd be great because then I don't have to get up so early. It'd be good if you were unemployed and retired or retired. But if you've got a job and your work won't give you a day off, then you're going to be in the red because they don't pay you. They'll give you like $30 or something. Yeah.

Which is great if you're retired. Anyway. Just a cup of tea and some coffee would be great. Exactly. You get to see some people. Well, this Damien Schrader. What's your name? Oh, well, Steve, but they call me killer because I killed someone.

Oh, I'm not supposed to be talking to you, am I? I'm a juror and you've killed someone. Yeah, but thanks for telling me you killed someone. Allegedly at this stage, Vaughn. Well, no, they just admitted to it. Oh, did they? Because the old lady juror made the approach. Well, Damien Schrader,

he got his jury summons in the mail. He'd only received one letter before this. Okay. Because you don't get many letters these days, do you? All my bills come on email. Oh, one letter, like ever? Ever, in his life. Oh, okay.

And that was a letter from Santa. Because Damien Schrader is four years old. Yes. Put him in my jury. I'll just give him lollies. That's right. The letter showed up in his great-grandmother's mailbox. I don't know why. Maybe he in my jury. I'll just give him lollies. That's right. The letter showed up in his great grandmother's mailbox. I don't know why.

Maybe he lives with her. Ordering the preschooler to show up at the Luzerne Country or County Courthouse. Yeah. When asked if he understood the summons, the four-year-old Damien sweetly shook his head no. So he has managed to get out of that Because I think you've got to be at least What voting age? 18 I don't know what is the minimum

In New Zealand it's 18 right Because they do it off the general election Roll That's how you if you want to get out of jury Just don't enroll to vote Which is bad Is it? Don't enroll to vote, which is bad. Which is illegal. Which is, is it?

Oh, yeah. Well, don't listen to me. I'd just say, say you're four when they get in touch. That's right. That's been an hour. I'm only four years old. And just write with your left hand in crayons. Yeah, in crayons.

Yeah. And do a picture of you going like, I don't know, I'm only four. Or say you're actually 34 and they're not going to let you team up. Oh yeah, if you write a letter to get out of it and crayon with a picture of you with like a beard sitting down and be like, I'm a fully grown man who likes crayons. Won't there be crayons at the court? Can I be twisted?

Who knows? F.E.M. Rachel Platten has, well she was asked to perform the National Anthem. Now if you don't know. Rachel Platten has, well, she was asked to perform the national anthem. Now, if you don't know who Rachel Platten is. Who? I said who. This song is Rachel Platten.

Can you hear my voice this time? This is my fight song. Then I was like, oh, yeah, I vaguely remember this song. Did she come in? She came to New Zealand. Did she come in to here? I don't know. Caitlin, did she come in here? Yeah. When know. Caitlin. Yeah. Did she come in here?

Yeah. When? A person. When? Yeah, I'm pretty sure we had her in. Yeah, we did. No, yeah, we definitely did. And was that the old studio?

The person who sung the song's been in studio. I've just Googled her. Show me a photo of her. Yep. Blonde. Yep. Yep. And she's born 81.

Yeah. Okay. Yep. No, because I remember thinking she looked a little bit older. Did you decide her driver's license when she was in? No, because I remember thinking she looked a little bit older. No, because I remember thinking she looked a little bit older. Oh, for like a new pop star? Yeah, for a new pop star.

I was like, oh, okay. Generally, they're in their early twins. Yes. So she was asked to do the national anthem, the Star Spangled Banner, which is a massive deal. Now, at what event was this that she was asked? It was a sporting event, I'd imagine. Yeah. What event was it?

I don't know if it actually, there's heaps of people and it's in a stadium. It looks like it's before a baseball game. They'll sing the anthem before anything, won't they? Yeah. It just says, guys, I'm just going to go for a poo. Oh, I got it and then we'll just do the anthem. Okay, great. All I know

is that she was in Utah. So, yeah, she was asked to sing it, and it didn't go well. Listen. Oh, say can you see by the stars. I'm sorry. Oh, say can you see by the stars. Fun Oh my gosh I'm so sorry Someone tell me the next line

Fun starts early Can someone tell me the next line You're American She keeps saying by the stars It's by the dawns early light Yeah the dawns early light Oh god What's a proudly we

Because I've watched an episode of Drunk History where they explain how that was. Have you seen that episode? No. And the guy was in prison during a war. Right. And looked out and saw the American flag in the dawn light blowing in the wind. And it was like tattered and stuff. But it was like he felt it was so symbolic.

So say, can you see by the dawn's early light how proudly we hailed all the twilight's last gleaming or whatever. But it's, yeah, I mean, wouldn't you say, are you going to sing the national anthem?

You'd be like, oh, can I get a lyric sheet? No, but I mean, she got insanely mocked online obviously for that and she's just put out

a statement saying, look, I'm having a hard time forgiving myself but I'm working on it. It was incredibly embarrassing. I've been trying to retrace my steps of what happened. She said, I was just so nervous going into it.

The anthem is such a big deal. It's probably the most important song for our country. I always get nervous because it means so much because it's so powerful. And then lots of people saying, why didn't you have cue cards? But I guess she wasn't to know that she would just blank when she got up there.

She knew the words. She just was so nervous. She blanked. Yeah. But she's performed in front of crowds before. And some artists, even at gigs, have screens in front of them. I couldn't believe when I saw Miley. I couldn't believe when I saw Miley at the iHeart Festival singing her songs.

And they were all lyrics were all on the autocue. Just in case. Just in case. But you think like you could get lost and be like. Also, Miley smoked heaps of weed. So the memory might be a bit shot. She's like, where am I? I've done the chorus how many times now?

Like if you get really into it, you could just forget. Well, I would say it's never happened to Lizzie Marvelli. No. She's done a few anthems. Or Solomia. Yep, that's true. And we have a couple to get through. Two different languages.

If somebody said, boom, you're doing the anthem right now. I would fake fainting because of how terrified I'd be that it could go possibly wrong. If I was her, I totally would have been. Just sat down. And then dramatically fainted. Maybe chucked a couple of spasms in when I hit the ground. Right. I would have been like foaming at the mouth.

Foaming at the mouth. Yeah, right. And everyone would have felt sorry for her. Not that she absolutely butchered the anthem. She still would have gone viral, just in a different way. A way better way. A way better way than forgetting the anthem. Yeah.

The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Taco Bell. It's a taco shop, and it's in America, and people love it. 99 Cents Tacos, I think they were doing. I remember reading about once. And often the joke is that you get diarrhea from eating there. Now, I've never eaten there and I've never had diarrhea thus, but I don't know.

It's just cheap and cheerful. I had like a taco salad there. But yeah, like you said before, Megan, if you love Mexican food, it's not the place for you. Right. It's just fast food, the Mexican version. Yeah, basically. Well, they say it's only a matter of time until it's in New Zealand.

I saw a picture, a few pictures of shop windows, and it had Taco Bell coming soon in the window, but Taco Bell hasn't confirmed that location, so I don't know if that was somebody's idea of like an LOL. Right. But it sure got some pace yesterday. And Taco Bell apparently touching down in New Zealand at some stage. And I'm not overly fussed as I prefer quality Mexican. Yeah.

So these are the top six international food franchises that I think would be better in New Zealand than Taco Bell. Okay. Number six, Johnny Rockets. Oh, that's a classic. You're taking me there with Johnny Rockets. What's that's a classic. You've taken me to a Johnny Rockets. What's that? It's like an American style diner.

But it's a chain, eh? There's a lot of them around. Yeah, it's a franchise. That's the ones where they skate, isn't it? Didn't we go to one in Dubai? Or was that Shake Shack? That was Shake Shack. Oh, Shake Shack hasn't made my list.

Shake Shack needs to be on there. Shake Shack could be drawn with Johnny Rockets for sixth place as a last minute entry. Shake Shack could be drawn with Johnny Rockets for sixth place as a last minute entry. Shake Shack's pretty good. That's so good. Pretty good. But yeah, Johnny Rockets is good.

I was impressed with it. I think there was somebody on skates from memory. Right. Okay. Number five on the list are Papa John's Pizza.

You always hear people talk about that. Papa John's. New York Pizza. Yeah, apparently Papa John's legendary pizza outlet. that. Papa John's. New York pizza. Yeah, apparently Papa John's legendary pizza outlet. Papa John's pizza. Number four on the list of top six international food franchises

that I think would be better than Taco Bell. Popeye's chicken. Never had it. Many people talk about the legendary Popeye's chicken. I've never had it, but I'm a chicken fan. How many herbs and spices do they have? I don't know. I don't know how many, but I've heard many a chicken connoisseur.

Loves it. Popeye's. Popeye's. Okay. Say how good the Popeye's chicken is. Number three on the list, In-N-Out Burger. Oh, yep. It's called In-N-Out because there's only a few things on the menu, right?

You get in, you get out. There's three burger options, yeah. Yeah. What are the burger options? Do they have a chicken one? No. No. I think it just goes like cheeseburger, then like-

Double cheeseburger. And then- Hamburger. Yeah. Is that it? Something like that. There's like three things to choose from. So what's the deal?

Is it real yum? Has it got a sauce? Yeah, it's yum. It's pretty good. Pretty good sauce, but they just do it real quick. They did a pop-up in New Zealand. They do pop-ups in Australia all the time as well. Right.

But I think it's mostly California. So if you're ever in LA, people love to just go. Well, no, I mean, I've seen on my Instagram stories, everybody that went to Coachella also made In-N-Out Burger pit stops. Yep. It seems you can't go to Coachella without having an In-N-Out Burger at some stage. Number two on the list. This is our first sweet outlet.

Okay. Cold Stone Creamery. Oh! I just love. Cold Stone Creamery. Oh! I just love a Cold Stone ice cream. Because that's everywhere in Aussie, eh? It's amazing.

That's Cold Rock, eh? Yeah, it's similar. But it's amazing that nothing like that's kind of... I know we've got a few places. There is a few places. I found one on the main street at Mount Maunganui over summer.

Yeah. I was walking past, I was like, I say, oh, what? Because they mash up your lollies and your chocolate and your ice cream on a over summer. Yeah. I was walking past, I was like, I say, oh, what? Because they mash up your lollies and your chocolate and your ice cream on a cold stone.

Yeah. And then mush, mush, mush, mush, mush. You pick your ice cream and then your condiments, which are often sweeties. Yeah. Or your favourite lollies and then they, yeah,

they smash them all up but the excessively cold stone keeps it all frozen and then they roll it back up. So good. Oh, yum. So good. And then if that's not going to give you type 2 diabetes,

they squirt some chocolate sauce on the top too. Yum. Cold-scented creamery. And the number one of today's top six, the international food franchises that I think would be better than Taco Bell. It's like I've eaten dairy and I've got a bit of salivary. The Cheesecake Factory. Oh, yum.

It's so good. When we were going to Hawaii last year, people were like, oh, you'll love the Cheesecake Factory. Oh, yeah. It's so good. When we were going to Hawaii last year, people were like, oh, you'll love the Cheesecake Factory. You've got to go to the Cheesecake Factory. I was like, please don't tell me what I like. I get really like that. Please don't tell me what I like. So we went to the Cheesecake Factory.

I said, let's just keep it on the down. I don't want people thinking they told me what to do and I listened. Yeah. My stubborn Irish streak. I was like, well, and I went in there and I was like, all right, we'll sit down. This seems to be quite busy and popular. And I ate and I was like, well, and I went in there and I was like, all right, we'll sit down. This seems to be quite busy and popular. And I ate and I was like, they were right. I did enjoy it.

This was fantastic. I love the size of the meals and the options. Crikey, the options. Yeah. And then you've eaten the mains and they're like, do you want some cheesecake? I'm like, it never occurred to me that there was cheesecake in the Cheesecake Factory.

Do we have the cheesecake shop here? Yeah. Yeah, different. Different. I love the cheesecake. Don'm like, it never occurred to me that there was cheesecake in the Cheesecake Factory. Do we have the cheesecake shop here? Yeah. Yeah, different. Different. Different. I love the cheesecake. Don't get me wrong. You love the cheesecake, right.

Some of my fondest early relationship memories with my wife was a family pack of Nando's and half a cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory sitting in bed

and eating it ourselves. When you're in your 20s your metabolism lets you do things. When you're in your 30s, you would literally put on 100 kgs if you eat like that. So true.

That is today's Top 6. A young man in Britain has decided that he if he wants to live his dream, he's got to be in control of his destiny. He has turned to GoFundMe to raise 475 pounds because that's what he believes would be sufficient to live his dream.

So about eight, nine hundred New Zealand dollars? Yeah, nine a year. Okay. Yep, around there. Because he wants to have a bath of KFC gravy. Sans potato. Doesn't want the potato in there. Just wants a bathtub full of KFC gravy. Sans potato. Doesn't want the potato in there. Just wants a bathtub full of KFC gravy.

And he believes 475 pound will tick the box. How much is gravy at KFC in the UK? Because that's, surely he'd need more than that. Because they only come in the little pottles. Yeah. He might have worked out some sort of, you know, volume discount. Right. Either he buys it, you know, how KFC would buy it. Yeah. He might have worked out some sort of volume discount. Either he buys it, you know, how KFC would buy it,

and I'm imagining some sort of large. Oh, do they make it from powder? It's powder, yeah. I'm pretty sure it's from powder. Well, there you go. You'd be able to run the bath, run a hot bath, and then pour in the recommended amount of gravy and then get one of those stick blenders. Stick blenders to really get it...

Until the stick blender starts sounding... When it would be thick enough to bathe in. And hopefully not be too cold by then. Imagine lying in there and just dipping your chips in. Oh my God, I never even thought about that. But you wouldn't want to, after you'd been in for too long, because you might have mankered up the gravy. Yeah, you'd want to leave a little patch where you knew you could dip in

without your body having touched it. So he started this GoFundMe page two months ago. Yeah. And it was only a couple of days ago that the British press kind of got a hold of it and said, oh, this will fill a bit of page. And with some keywords banged in of it and said, oh, this will fill a bit of page. And with some keywords banged in, it'll probably, you know, pop up on some Twitter feeds and stuff.

So far, I'm just looking at the Chronicle Live who are apparently the first people to share it. They're 554 shares. And, you know, other newspapers have picked up from their story and have talked to this young man, Sean, because he loves his gravy. And so I was thinking, I'm about to click his GoFundMe page to

see how much money he's actually raised. With all this publicity, surely he's at £4.75. He is currently at £300. Because while we're having a laugh, are any of us clicking on Donate Now? No. There's better things to donate to.

I would love to be rich enough one day to have a bath in gravy. To go on GoFundMe and go to the most ridiculous section and be like, yes. I will help you have a bath.

Apparently only one donor and he's donated 300 pounds. Surely KFC and the UK are missing a trip or a radio station or anyone. Yeah, that's true. Radio stations. But then it's hard because you do something like this and then people are like, what about the hungry people? Well, they can come and have some gravy because we've got a bathtub full of it. Nobody wants secondhand gravy that someone's bathed in.

We'll make sure Sean's clean when he gets in. Yuck. And he doesn't fart. Imagine, because you know when you fart in the bath, the bubbles come up real quick. Yeah, and real thick gravy. It'd be like, well, it's out of me. And then it would just there'd be silence.

And then you could see the gravy shifting and then it would be like It would take so long from bum to surface. And that's when you stop dipping the chips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or go down by your feet a little bit because the fart will travel. Well, the queen will be sad.

Yep. Her last corgi's passed. She's lost a dog. And I think that's probably one of those things that doesn't get any what? it's just Fletch being like oh oh you trying

on the crown she's got like she's got corgis on the crown does it explain in the crown why she picked the corgi because I mean royals have always made their mark like the King Charles Cavalier Spaniel I love them they're half of what my dog is so I don't know if that's the dumb half or what,

but the poodle's the other half. Right. And they're a bit hyperactive, so that would explain that part. I just think she likes them. Right, so it doesn't explain why she picked them as her breed of choice. Because didn't at one stage

she have about seven or something? I remember as a kid seeing her walking somewhere and she was surrounded by dogs, and as a kid I remember thinking, that's the dream. Because growing up, my friend's family had a corgi. I think they had two at one stage. And they were always like, nippy, yappy little things. They're real cute as puppies.

That's on the owner, though, to train them properly. I don't think the queen would put up with anything yappy and nippy. It's real low to the ground. I don't trust anything that low to the ground. Very low. Very low to the ground. What was the corgi? Because you know how every dog as ridiculous as they can be was bred

for a purpose back in the day? Tables. What was that? I reckon it was a flat rest in Ottoman. They've got a very flat back. Was the corgi bred for Ottoman type purposes? Maybe, yeah. For foot rests. Can you google the purpose of a corgi? Guarantee it will have had some purpose. So herding sheep, geese, ducks, horses and cattle

was one of the oldest herding breeds of dogs. Now sheep and beef. The Vikings used corgis. They come ashore with their big axes. Ragnar Lothbrok. About to pillage England and he's like, wait, my corgi. Picks up the corgi, puts it down. He's like.

Right, let the raid begin. Let the raid begin, Vikings. The corgi has barked his orders. So this was Willow. Oh, Willow. And nearly 15 had to be put to sleep. Oh. That's old.

Which is the humane thing. Why doesn't, is she going to get a new one? I don't know. Because I remember my nana, when she was getting on, was like, oh, when this dog passes, I shan't be getting another one. I'm too old for a dog. And then, like, I heard my parents say it recently. Oh, we probably won't be getting any dogs.

We don't know what's going to be happening in, you know, a couple of years. I'm like, he's just turned 60. That is the most grim outlook on life. We don't know what's around the corner. Well, they've got a cat now, don't they? Yeah, but that cat's a rubbish cat. Mum's really anti that cat. Doesn't like cuddles and mum's a big cat cuddler. She likes a cat that sits

on your lap that you can stroke. And she likes the purring. She likes it when they dribble too. No, she's a fan of the dribble because that means they're happy, right? When they dribble, they're ultimately relaxed. Well, they've got some health issues. But this cat won't sit on her lap and dribble.

Maybe she should get a call. That's really morbid. Are they going to travel? Well, maybe. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe they don't want to be tied down. Maybe they're going to sell up and be gypsies or something

I don't know But my parents are like I wouldn't be getting in on the dog And at 90 I don't know if the queens Should be tripping over them Because puppies are so all over the place aren't they Especially the low running corgi She tripped over a puppy

The love of the small Shin height dog Was what took them down So yeah Willow was the last. R.I.P. Willow. Have a moment there for Willow. Yeah. Good name for a dog though, not a bad name.

I expected, because the royals always name their kids and stuff really like traditional names. Well, this is a chance you can go out there with a dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not allowed to name your kid Tracy, but you can call your dog Tracy if you want. Something that's been making some waves lately around New Zealand, and rightly so,

and the waves have discussed that these sorts of comments by role models and public figures, and I know they don't choose to be role models, but that's been cast upon them, and they've got to realise that, is the horrendously homophobic comments by Israel Folau, rugby player. Yep. In Australia. Yep. I mean, he was

asked, sure, people asked him what are your thoughts? He could have said no comment or, you know, be yourself, be whatever you want to be, none of my business, which is effectively the correct answer. Effectively, effectively, I don't know why so many people get up in arms

about what people do with their diddles and their fannies. Let them do what they want to do if everybody's a consenting adult and no abuse

is taking place. It's not your business what Carl Fletcher does with his penis or what Megan Sellers does with her vagina. Thank you. Don't say the F word.

Fanny. Or the lack of what Vaughan Smith wants to do with his. I was just about to say or what Vaughan doesn't do with his. But Vaughan only thinks about what he does. Or what Vaughan really wants to do with his. We were torn talking about Israel Folau because

you don't want to give a voice to something that was so hateful. But then I think it's reached the part now where comment is required from a lot of people that don't believe this is okay. I'm a big fan of not giving people who say these sorts of things any press because I don't believe it should be...

Highlighted. Highlighted. It shouldn't be... The freedom of speech thing. The freedom of speech thing drives me... Because freedom of speech, yeah, you're free to say it, but you're also free to have the backlash,

and that's what's being experienced. And freedom of speech should never. Be hateful. The hate of it should never fall under the umbrella of freedom of speech. And a man who delivered a beautiful piece yesterday on Breakfast Television and friend of the show, Maddie McLean, joins us now. Good morning, Matthew.

Good morning. I was on here for a very serious conversation, then all of a sudden we're talking about diddles and sannies. Everyone stop saying the F word, please. Most of us have them. So, I mean, you're affected by this

personally, given that you're a member of the community. Guess what? I'm gay, guys. I don't know if you knew. This is a shock. Shock horror. This is guess what? I'm gay, guys. I don't know if you knew. This is a shock. Shock horror. This is a shock, Maddie, to me. Yeah. Maddie, I guessed.

I think it was when I met your boyfriend that I kind of put two and two together. That's the dead giveaway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, Maddie's very close with this man. Oh, they're kissing, right, okay. I see what's happening here. No, but Maddie, I saw your thing on TV yesterday,

and I got a bit emotional. Like, this has really annoyed me. But how has it affected you, especially since your wee speech on TV yesterday? Well, here's the thing. I didn't really think I cared that much about it until all of a sudden I was given a platform to start talking about it on air yesterday.

And then it just, all these things, I guess, that I had ever thought kind of all came to the surface just because of this one thing. And for me, it was just like that thing about saying, oh, everyone's entitled to their opinion. Like, I think that was what wound me up the most because I get that and I get why people say that but I just don't think it's okay for that opinion to be one of absolute bigotry and hate and and hurtful comments like and then I just all of a sudden thought hang on he's actually talking about me here and he's saying I deserve to go to hell because I'm being the person that I am. And that just really wound me up and got me quite upset on breakfast.

I was a little bit emotional, guys. The thing that annoys me is that there could be like young kids who are having a problem with their identity and they hear this and even Arnie just mentioned in the news about the calls to Lifeline. 100%. People kill themselves over this.

They do. But people look up to him because he's a talented rugby player. And whether he wanted to be a role model or not, that's the position that he's found himself in. And I think that's what it is, is that yes, people are entitled to their opinions, but this is someone who inspires thousands and thousands of people, has so many followers on social media, who hang on to his every word.

And if they aren't growing up thinking that it's okay to think that way, to think that people deserve to go to hell for being who they are, then that's where the issue is. This guy just has so much influence and is using it to spout these really horrible, hateful messages.

That's awful. And it's a dangerous echo chamber. Now, an echo chamber. Now, an echo chamber is where, you know, he says something and the people he surrounds himself with agree and then so they double down and then he thinks he's okay to say that and then these sorts of things escalate out of hand very quickly. So it's so good to see the likes of TJ Peronata

issued a statement on Twitter yesterday, which was beautifully worded. So good. Such a good statement. Brad Weber, who plays for the Chiefs, also issued a statement saying it's not okay. So it's good to see these rugby players saying, like, this isn't cool, man. You can't say that sort of stuff. And especially, I don't believe in hell.

I don't believe in any of it. I'm an atheist. But for a young teenager who is perhaps struggling with who they are in this arena, to hear somebody who believes in something similar to them say that they're going to end up in literally, metaphorically, poetically and religiously the worst place in the world because of who they are and who they were born, it's beyond even being able to comprehend that someone thinks

that that's okay to say publicly. Can I just say, though, it was so hard, like I got a lot of really, really lovely messages from people after I said that on breakfast yesterday but some of the ones that really meant the most to me were other people of faith, you know, like Christian people

or people who had really strong religious views who got in touch with me to say hey, I'm Christian or I'm religious but but this isn't the religion that I know. This isn't the faith that I know. And that was really heartwarming to see because I think that's what some people hold on to is they hide behind these religious views when in actual fact we've moved so far past that that that's not what religion's about

and that's not what people of faith believe. And so you just can't hide behind those messages of hate anymore. It's just not okay. Yeah. And it's always these outspoken conservative ministers and sports people that get caught with rent boys in public toilets, isn't it? Exactly. Really?

And if they had those tendencies from the beginning, no one was going to judge them. No. Just embrace who you are. Also there's a cover of a gay magazine doing the rounds with Israel Flower

on the cover from a couple of years ago so if anybody wants to dig deep into that yes, yes there is. Oh dear oh dear. Manny McLean thank you so much

for talking to us. You're welcome. This us. You're welcome. This morning. You're welcome. We love you. Thank you. Love you guys too. I don't love you, but it's nothing to do with the fact you're gay.

We were at a party once and I was telling a story and you interrupted. And I was like, this bitch better step back. Gay or not, no one interrupts a porn story. Fight, fight, fight, fight. No, I love you too Just a quick follow up To the conversation That we just had With Maddie

Someone messaged him I can tell you're fighting With someone on the text machine Thanks Is it because I go quiet You press the keys harder You're like Do I

Body language expert Yeah you do Someone says And this is their Thoughts So I just Reply to them Well if you do. Someone says, and this is their thoughts, so I just replied to them. Well, if you've just joined us, we're talking about the whole Israel-Falau thing. Yeah.

We've covered, basically, freedom of speech and that. Someone said, I'm in no means against gay people, but if you're saying not to judge, then you're judging him. And I said, because that person has a huge reach for your social channels and is attacking a vulnerable portion of society. As we've heard in the last 20 minutes in an

unrelated, well, a related, but an unrelated news story, the LBGTI community are the most affected by suicide rates. Due to social judgments. A lot of them. And hate speech. And so I said, when you're attacking a very vulnerable portion of society, I'm not saying not to judge.

I'm saying don't judge people on something they were born as. That's akin to me to racism or sexism. To look at someone and be like, I'm judging you on your skin colour. I'm judging you on your gender. I'm judging you on your sexual orientation. Yeah. So I'm not saying don't judge people on what they're born as. Judge them on the choices they make that can in turn cost people their lives.

Yeah. Saying that sort of stuff online is like drink driving. You might think, oh, I'll be sweet. But you could kill someone else. Just loosely running your mouth about these sorts of topics can lead to people killing themselves. Seriously, everything you say online. Somebody, if it's directed at somebody, somebody's on the other end of that.

Right. You're not wrong, Vaughn. You're not wrong. And unlike drink driving, you crash, you kill someone, you've got to deal with the consequences. If someone kills themselves, very rarely are they going to be able to find

the exact moment, the exact comment that pushed the person to that. Blows my mind. Me too. I just don't even go into comment sections anymore. I went into the comments on Maddie's video last night

and I was like, what have I done? What have I done? I purposefully did it. Because a lot of them were great. Like you said, I had a lot of good messages but God,

there were some I was just like, okay. I congratulated a fellow broadcaster, Bryce, who works at The Rock. He said a really beautiful thing and I said to him,

man, that was so well spoken. And given their audience, could have been quite a risky move. Now, I'm not saying everybody that listens to The Rock's a homophobic bogan, but there's a portion. We're so lucky with our audience. Our audience here at ZM, we've bred it. We try not to be negative, you know,

at least it's against each other. And you guys suck. That continues to be true. But I love you regardless. And he took a stance and it was really brave. And I said, well done, man. And he's like, oh, thanks. I've had some positive comments.

But it also has really taken a toll on me at some people's opinion on this. Yeah. But that is our unspoken mantra. And I like to live my life by that. Is you don't judge people with things they can't control. What they were born with, what's happened to them that's out of their control. And that includes someone's sexuality. 100%.

That's very upsetting. I'd like to lighten the mood now and talk about a man in Northland that shoved a one-metre tool down his pants in a Northland shop and beat his bottom. What kind of tool was it? I mean, we've been chatting about what people are doing with the tools in their pants. And I've said it's none of the,

I've gone on record as saying, regardless of what tool you've got in your pants, if you're not hurting anybody, do with that tool whatever you want. It's none of our business. Well, I'll play you the video. But I'm also down to see what a man shoves down his pants. Here he is picking up a, I believe it looks like a...

Axe handle. A large... Hang on, I'll go back there, Vaughn, just so you can see what it is there. It looks like a handle of... Yeah, or a broom. Or some sort of... But to get him right down his track pants, his maroon track pants, he needs to actually take them down to his knees.

There's his bottom. Oh, so he actually pulled his pants down. You wouldn't get away with that in my hammer hardware. And then he hangs around. From this angle, do you see his penis? No, no.

But he's very... Did he pull his undies down as well? Yeah, well, no, I don't think he was wearing undies. I don't think he was wearing any undies. Oh, okay. This CCTV footage is as clear as a motion picture.

Oh, this is... He is definitely going to be identified by his friends or his bottom. But the thing is, you can do that at home. It's more the issue that he's stealing it, isn't it? That is a hammer hardware. How did you know that? You know what?

I've got a little bit of a gift of being able to spot what hardware outlet it is. I spend so much time in big Bunnings and Mitre 10. When I see a small one, I just assume it's a hammer hardware. Right. They've kind of got the neighbourhood got the neighbourhood hardware store on lock. Yeah, Kawakawa was this Hammer Hardware.

Oh, yeah. That's good. I'm assuming he'll be a cheeky local and very identifiable. What's a pun? What's a pun there? Police will be... Do you want a bun pun or a tool pun? I don't know.

Maybe a lie. Just an arresting pun? They'll be... No, don't have one. Hard like. Just an arresting pun? They'll be... No, don't have one. Hardware. Hopefully they nail him. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good.

Yeah, they're good. He'll be... I want to use rake for some reason. Raked across the... The knuckles? Raked across the knuckles. We'll just leave it at that then. Oh, they've also got a lotto too.

That's handy. That is handy. And almost unheard of. FM. Tonight, 8.30 on TVNZ2. It's First Dates New Zealand and we know somebody on it. PJ, good morning. Morning, guys.

Am I a special guest on the show? Like, am I like, you know how you get exclusive interviews? Is this one of those ones? Oh, calm down. Well, it is exclusive because no one else wanted it. So this is, how did you end up going on the show? Was this Jace's fault? Who do you think was behind this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a birthday present. Jace was trying to be a kind big brother and I was really struggling in the dating world at the time. You know, I tried all the dating apps, they weren't working. Try meeting people organically, just got awkward. So he signed me up for it,

and I went along and actually got on the show, which was an experience. Is this going to be awkward? Because you actually now do have a boyfriend. Yeah, yeah, a little bit. Like, I'm a little bit nervous to watch it back, to be honest. So you haven't seen an edit of this? No.

No, I haven't. Oh. Oh, no. Are you worried, like, you know, reality TV always, like, decide one aspect of your personality, then edit it to really amplify that? Yeah, 100%. What if I'm the villain on the show, guys,

and they make me out as the real bitch? I doubt it. Or you had something stuck in your teeth so they keep, like, crash-zooming it? No, I'll tell you what did happen, though. I had a really bad cold that day, and when I have a cold, I can't stop blowing my nose, so I just literally had this mountain of tissues

beside me the whole time, and it just started building up. As the day progressed, the tower of tissues got taller. That's going to be your thing. Tissue lady. And I just, yeah, I'm worried I might have had one too many wines. But anyway, it should be sweet.

Oh, that's the thing. They feed you the wines, don't they? Because then they get the good stuff. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah. I mean, look, I'd love to say it's going to be really smooth, flawless banter, but that would be lying.

Right. Have you had a discussion with the boyfriend about tonight's episode? Yeah. He's like, I can't decide if I want to watch it or just completely, like, not and just pretend it's not happening. But he's had so many mates saying, oh, are you still with your girlfriend? Like, I keep seeing this ad on TV. And he's like, yeah, yeah,

it happened a wee while ago. Because it was like six months ago, wasn't it? That they filmed it. It was a wee while back. At least. Is there any, are we going to see like chemistry or is that giving too much away?

I, like, we definitely clicked on, oh, actually, I don't know what I can give away or not. Like, what's my, um. Well, I mean, I think you've given away the fact you're no longer with the guy because you've got a new boyfriend. Like, it's definitely chemistry. We got a new boyfriend. Like, it's similar to chemistry.

We got along really well. Yeah. Yeah, don't get your boyfriend to watch it. Can I ask, and I'll beep out your answer, did you, like, hook up with him? What do you mean? Like, why, Gay? So, as a sliding scale,

did you open kiss on the mouth off camera? I don't know what I'm allowed to say on here. Am I allowed to say this? What, for spoiler alert or for, like, family back home in New Zealand listening? Right. Oh, right. But then if it happened off camera, you're not going to be spoiling anything anyway. Yeah, good point.

There may have been a little cheeky kiss. Hey, well, PJ, we're sure this is going to be a great episode tonight. Yeah, good point. There may have been a little cheeky kiss. Hey, well, PJ, we're sure this is going to be a great episode tonight. Oh, yeah. 8.30, TVNZ2, it's First Dates New Zealand starring our very own PJ.

And her tower of tissues. And her tower of tissues. Watch out for them. All right. Hey, thanks, Paige. Thanks, guys. Miss you. The Jennas and the Kardashians

get slammed online all the time. Yeah. But this recent one was against Kylie Jenner, and she had a lot of people standing up for her. So she put up over the weekend a picture of her wearing a pink wig, and she said, I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom. And she was going to Coachella.

Right. Now, her and the baby mama and baby daddy, Travis, were there together. Yeah. And that's when a tweet went up and said, Kylie Jenner left Stormi, her baby, at home to go party at Coachella with a pink wig. Now, pretty, I mean, statement, yes, but the undertone was a bit mum-shaming. That she should be staying at home and never going out ever again. Yes, and that is when the internet went and backed up Kylie Jenner.

I can't believe Kylie Jenner didn't bring a newborn to a sweltering, hot, dusty-ass desert full of people who are drunk and on drugs. Don't be trying to make Kylie out to be a bad mum. That's not what we're going to do. Parents are allowed a break. Travis Scott also wasn't sitting at home with Stormi. Are you going to acknowledge that or just continue to shame the mother Parents are allowed a break. Travis Scott also wasn't sitting at home with Stormy.

Going to acknowledge that or just continue to shame the mother and perpetuate the notion that only mothers are responsible for their children whilst fathers can go off and do whatever they please. That's a very, very good point. Obviously, the baby was being looked after and obviously parents are allowed a break. That's, they're in a situation where due to their circumstance, they could afford the highest quality of care. Oh, I know. And if they can afford themselves a situation where, due to their circumstance, they could afford the highest quality of care. Oh, I know.

And if they can afford themselves a weekend off, if you've been a parent, you love them unconditionally. You would do anything for them. But Christ, nothing beats a sleep in. Right. Oh, and not having to worry about what you're going to feed them because half of it's going to be on the floor because they don't want to eat it anyway.

Just a couple of sweet days reprieve. Yeah. My kids are getting carted off to my parents. My parents love having them. Yeah. You're so jazzed about it. We're so excited just about us sleeping. You're going to drink with us.

I know. I'm drinking tomorrow, guys, with more than myself. This is big. This is big news. I know. Yeah. It's great. And we don't have to worry about what Fletch says in front of them.

I know, because they count the F-words. They're coming in today, by the way, so everybody... Oh, okay. Best behaved. They'll be here soon. So don't just F-words. It's so hard because I don't see them because they're not on the table. They sit on the tables and stuff.

Then Indy's like, Fletch said the F-word again. Oh, so hard. At least she waits till you got it. She's like, I got flinched at the F word three times. August will be like, oh, bad word.

Do you know who I saw getting a little bit of stick online was Valerie. Oh, yes. That photo on... She was on the Goldie after the Commonwealth Games

holding her baby. But people thought it was too close to the balcony, right? She was. I mean, she's got... Strong. Strong.

She's strong. We know that. She's an athlete. She's got the baby. She's got the baby. Strong. She's strong. We know that. She's an athlete. She's got the baby. She's got the baby. If she wanted to, she could throw that baby 19.7 metres. Easy.

Easy. Easy. Yeah. I think she's got it. But then, like, people are on her Instagram and online, oh, you can't hold a baby. You can't be outside with a baby.

But it doesn't... A harsh eagle might steal it. It doesn't only happen online, but you hear of this happening to mums in person. People will have judgment or cast judgment. Especially young mums. Yeah. Young mums get it so much.

Yeah. I would love to know on 0800DIALZM, who's been mum shamed? What happened? Or dad shamed. Or dad shamed. Have you ever been dad shamed? It's hard to be dad shamed when you're perfect,

but I can really... I think you just know better to put things online. I am. Over summer age, Indy really wanted to jump off this bridge into a river. So I jumped off first and I checked. And the depth was that if it all went poorly, I could stand up.

Sure, I'd be underwater, but I could easily hold her above the water. Okay. So I said to her, you really want to do this? Yeah. And we videoed it. Yeah. And it was, and 99% of people were like, that's awesome.

That's like, get out there. You're going to make your kids adventurers and experience these things. And she wanted to do it. It wasn't like I forced her into it. Yeah. Not like I feed you when I threw her off a wharf, but we're not talking about that. Because that wasn't put online. But the occasional person was like,

this is so irresponsible jumping into water. I'm like, what? What? She's down for it. She wanted to. And that would be like very, very few people said it. Most people were like, this is awesome. But that would be the closest you've been to being dad shamed.

I think so. Right. Well, yeah, maybe you are like a young mum or maybe it happened when you were a younger mum or just a mum in general. Should we say parent shamed? Yeah, when were you parent shamed. I think so. Right. Well, yeah, maybe you are like a young mum or maybe it happened when you were a younger mum or just a mum in general. Should we say parent shamed? Yeah, when were you parent shamed? Oh, 800-966.

Maybe you put something up online and it didn't go down well. You know, you give them a pack of ciggies and they're smoking it. And then suddenly everyone's going to buy you. That happened. When I was younger, one of Indy's favourite toys was this little mini bottle of Bacardi. It only had water in it. But she didn't know.

And she loved shaking it. I remember that. When she was really young, she'd know that her bottles were drinking from, so she'd drink it. And I'd be like, Indy's favourite toy. And people were like, you can't give your kid Bacardi. I'm like, you moron. I well finished that Bacardi before I gave it to her. Oh, 800-9000, M9696.

When have you been parent shamed? Talking about when you've been parent shamed after Kylie Jenner was mum shamed for going to Coachella and leaving her baby at home. In the casino car park. Yeah, oh, she's literally in the car park at Coachella. She doesn't have that much money. Can probably hardly afford a babysitter.

Sure, the baby is fine. I'm sure it's fine. In their mansion.itter. Sure the baby is fine and being looked after. In their mansion. Yeah. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. Exactly. Mama,

Mama J, Kris Jenner would have had it on live. Oh exactly. She's raised. 15. Exactly. How many Kardashians

are there? It feels like 15 is the right answer. There's six Kardashians, two Jenners. Is that right? Eight. Yeah.

Seven? Eight. She knows what she's doing. There's? Eight. She knows what she's doing. There's so many. She knows what she's doing. So we want to know when you've been parent shamed because it happens to mums and it happens to dads as well. Somebody said, I used to, when my kids were young,

I would never, when we were at a playground, when they'd say, push me on the swing, I'd say, no, you've got to learn to do it yourself. Because I thought, I remember it as well. The kids that could go themselves on the swing were always the cool kids. Do you remember being a kid and being like, I need to push, but then some kids beside you rocking their legs back and forward, using their core.

So this person said that they always encouraged the kids to learn how to do it themselves. And the parents used to say, oh, for God's sake, push your child. Like, openly. God, I just can't believe how brazen people are to comment. Yeah, I know. I don't even like commenting, like, when people are there. I like talking into a microphone.

Jess, when have you been parent shamed? I have been mum shamed for putting my child in daycare. Are you not allowed to work? No, so apparently you should just stay home with your child all the time and daycare is really bad for them. That's so bad without knowing your circumstance that somebody can just be like, not everybody can afford just to stay at home and not work.

And was this judgement given to you in person? Yes it was. By who? So it was this older lady, I was at the dairy with my son in my uniform and she asked me where I was taking him and I said, Dave here. And she said, why are you sending him here? You should be at home with him.

I would have grabbed a loaf of Molenburg and slapped her on the face with it. No, Molenburg's not going to do enough damage. You need to go to the clearance bin where the bread's gone really hard. We need you to work to pay for Molenburg. Yeah, well, exactly. Jess, thanks for your call. Steve, you've been dad shamed. What happened?

I have, team, I have. I have a six-year-old daughter and being a father, you have to take her to a mutual toilet. So, you go to a mall in Auckland and take them into the family toilet and get asked to leave. Have you been asked to leave? Every single time,

mate. Wow. I've had leave? Every single time, mate. Wow. What? I've had looks of surprise, like when you walk in, I walk in with my two daughters into the parent rooms, and like mums will just hear the door open, they'll turn around and be like,

a little taken aback, but I've always written that off to, they often may forget that it's a unisex place, and for a minute they're like, oh, and then, but no one's ever said anything to me. It is a unisex place. Yeah, it's for parents're like, oh, and then, no one's ever said anything to me. It is a unisex place. You can breastfeed in there,

you can change nappies, there's kid-sized toilets. But it's not like you were alone, Steve. You had a kid with you. Correct. What do you say? Do you leave

or do you stand up for yourself? No, I just tell them I'm taking my daughter to the toilet and it's the best place to do it because you also get the same comments being a male if I take my daughter to the male toilet. You can't win.

I have to take her somewhere. I went into a parent's room. It was a beautiful parent's room, but the adult toilet was taken and I tried to do a wee-wee in the little kid's toilet. Have you ever done it? Steve, you have to spread your legs real wide to get down and then you have to give it a little bit of a dip crouch.

You pretty much have to go straight over it and point straight down. Oh, my God. And I have my pants around my ankles because I think that's the rule when you're a kid. And then you were asked to leave. Yeah. Why? Oh, my kids have gone, haven't they?

Thanks, Steve. Annette, when were you parent-shamed? I was actually in the supermarket buying milk powder for my son. Oh, that's a big one, isn't it, for some people? Yeah. Somebody came up to me and decided to tell me that I was a bad mother because I wasn't breastfeeding. But a lot of people can't.

If a baby is fed and it's, you know, it's not bad for them, what are people's problems? Yeah, I was able to turn around and tell her, well, actually, he's adopted, so how else am I supposed to do this? Oh, boom! That's seen now. That's it. Oh, boom, boom, boom.

I hadn't even taken that into account. I thought if you need a feed, you could. Some people, like you said, Megan, some people can't breastfeed. It just doesn't work for them. Yeah. And it is hard. It's a hard thing to do. You're going to be super supportive of your partner

when they're constantly trying. But if they want to give up because they've tried and they're tired and the baby needs to be fed and it's screaming, formula, baby. I love you, Sassy. All right. Oh, yeah. Thanks, Annette.

And those formula tins are actually super handy afterwards. You can turn them into peg baskets. Like stilts? Yeah, you can turn them into little mini stilts. Is that how you made your stilts in Nelson? Yeah, and you work your way up. We're going to stilts. Like stilts? Yeah, you can turn them into little mini stilts. Is that how you made your stilts in Nelson? Yeah, and you work your way up. We're going to stilts.

Training stilts. A little bit of background. My children like YouTube families. Yeah. It's so weird. It's really weird. They'll just watch. It started with unboxing,

but then the unboxing families just started documenting sort of everyday aspects of their life. Right. We've been through a few families. Ryan, he does the toy review, but then we just, his family, we learned everything about his family.

And then did you get bored of them? Family Fun Pack, they had like 12 kids. That was mind blowing. Yeah. How she had time to video anything or edit anything is beyond me. Did they have a minibus to get them all around? Two. Oh.

I think they went from two to one bigger one. Right. It was insane. They were a whole movement. Yeah. And they got millions of to one bigger one. Right. It was insane. They were a whole movement. And they got millions of people watching their stuff. Yeah. After them just like doing anything. But their latest obsession is Bat Dad.

You might remember Bat Dad. Kind of in the Vine days, Bat Dad was pretty big. He always wore a Batman mask and would like wake his kids up as Batman to ask them questions. R.I.P. Vine. R.I.P. Vine. Remember that? Yeah. But Bat Dad didn't let that slow him down. He's branched out and their family do. R.I.P. Vine. R.I.P. Vine. Remember that? Yeah. But Bat Dad didn't let that slam down.

He's branched out and their family do. They're actually pretty funny. The kids are really funny. Usually the other kids are just kids, but these kids are pretty on to it. So they're hooked on. The comic timing's pretty gold. Hooked on Bat Dad.

Hooked on Bat Dad. Now, I'm about to play you a Bat Dad clip that I'd never heard. Okay. This is him in the car with his family. This is just him. He's pressed record and caught the end of this. Okay. This is him in the car with his family. This is just him. He's pressed record and caught the end of this. Where do babies come from?

Where do babies come from? Where do babies come from? Where do babies come from? Now, in the Smith house of late, we've had a lot of questions about where do babies come because my brother and my sister

have both just had babies so we've had lots of questions because Indian Orchestra are a bit older now when the other

cousins were born they were a bit young but now there's a very much like so the babies like how do they get in

there and where do they come from are you just like ask your mum we know

we just at the moment I'll answer their questions honestly. Yeah. I've not yet like talked about the entire act, but I'm like, you know, you need a boy and a girl. Yeah, I'm filling in the gaps slowly. I don't want to dump it all on them at once. It's a lot to take in.

Because then they've got to think about how they came into existence. Yeah, I know, I know. At our age, we're like, ugh. Still about that. So I don't want to scar them early with that. So yesterday, we're in the supermarket. Yeah. Oh, I know, I know. At our age, we're like, still about that. So I don't want to scar them early with that. So yesterday, we're in the supermarket. Yeah. August is sitting in the,

she's almost getting too big for that part where the babies sit, but she demands to sit in there because she hates walking. And she looks at me and she's like, do you want to hear a song? I was like, yeah, that's cool. And then I get, where do babies come from? Vaginas.

And I am shook. So immediately, my immediate is, no, no, don't do that. Don't do that. I'm like, and then I smile. And that's all my kids need. Oh, yeah, they know. And because Sade tries to tell them to stop, but she starts laughing. And they know once they've got you laughing, they've got you.

And you know, they can't be in too much trouble because you're laughing. Yeah. Like, they could get told off, but they're not going to get into big trouble. Yeah. And so I, oh, and then I smile. I was like, what did you say?

And so we get a second, where do babies come from? Vaginas, because it goes up a bit. There's no other words to the song. That's all. There might be in the Bat Dad family, but we've only got that portion. Right, okay.

And so we hear it over and over and over. Key changes and everything changes. Yeah. I ran the supermarket and I was like, we can't just... That's funny. That's a good song, but maybe we'll keep it for the car.

And she's like, okay. We do. I was like, we said we're going to keep it to the car. Oh my gosh. She's like, oh, okay. And she's like, do you want me to get anything

because this is where Indy is by the way she's off she scouts I send her for like blue top milk she comes back

with blue top milk brilliant great it's like a dog yeah so she's like I want to go and help Indy

so alright so I pick her up out of the basket she runs to the end of the aisle she gets to the end of the aisle imagine this look

she turns back and gives me the cheekiest look. She's out of reach. And then I hear it. Where do babies come from? Vagina is going down the next aisle. So she's zigzagged down the next aisle. She's literally right next to me, but through the shelving. I'm like, August, no.

No. And she peeks through. She's like, August, no! No! And she peeks through, she's like, where do babies come from, vaginas? And then she's gone, and I just hear it. So I do this thing that classically my parents used to do too, and I totally understand it now. They pretend

that that's not their kid until they get to the checkout. And then they come up to them and they're like, oh yep, you're mine, paid, let's go. But for that whole running around time, that could be anybody's child. Was anyone shopping looking odd at you? Initially, when she was in the trolley,

like some sniggers and some looks and some laughs and everything. But then I don't know what people were thinking when she was hooning around the school. You should freak her out next time and ask to get on the intercom. Yeah. August, stop it. It's Batman.

But then when she meets up with Indy, it becomes a two-person chorus. Oh, right. She only needs a little bit of encouragement. Now I'm going to leave them there next time. See how long they can survive in a supermarket. Do you know, worryingly, I think they'd be fine. Yeah, especially August. Because of Indy's scouting, she knows where everything in the supermarket is.

And August will be straight to the pick and mix. Yeah, yeah. We welcome to the show the author of the book, If You're In My Office, It's Already Too Late, A Divorce Lawyer's Guide to Staying Together, James J. Sexton, Esquire. Good morning. Good morning.

How are you? Now, so the book that you've written, If You're in my office, it's already too late. You must have seen some stuff as a divorce lawyer in your time. Yeah. I mean, listen, it's a crazy profession. You know, anytime I'm at a bar at a cocktail party and someone, you know, finds out what I do for a living, the first thing they say is, oh man, you must have some crazy stories. And I certainly do, and the book has a lot of those. I mean, it has stories of infidelity and craziness

and all manner of ways marriages can explode. But really the intention of the book is to talk about what you can learn about keeping things together by watching how they fall apart. Do you see couples where you're like, oh, they could have stayed together forever, and couples where you're like, they just weren't meant to be. Or do you think everyone who gets married, you know, they have a chance of happiness?

That's a great question. I mean, I think that, I think everyone has a shot at it. But I do think there are some people, I mean, elephants don't marry zebras. You do look at people very often, though, in my profession and say, how the heck did these two people get together? Because they're just so different from each other. So what are some things people should avoid then? Without spoiling the book, what are some of the big icebergs that the Titanic should go around?

Yeah, that's a great way of putting it. Yeah, I mean, I think you have to look at your relationship in a really honest way. And I know that might sound simple, but I think it's harder than it sounds. You know, we don't know who discovered water, but it probably wasn't a fish. You know, when you're in it, you just don't see it. I think the first step is look, you know, the fish has to look at the water, the fish. You have to step back from your relationship and really look at it in an honest way and say, why are we doing things the way we're doing them? Don't be afraid to sort of reinvent the relationship or question the things you're doing in the relationship. And then I think

there are a lot of practical things I talk about in the book. I talk about how I think Facebook is a terrible idea for people that are in marriages for a whole number of reasons, you know, some of it being that it just exposes you to people in your past who, you know, are very tempting to connect with. And usually, you know, look, if we're being honest, when we get on Facebook, what's the first thing we do when you first get a Facebook account? You look up every ex-girlfriend, every ex-boyfriend you ever had to see what they look like and what they're up to. So, you know, and Facebook also makes you look at other people's lives and compare your life to theirs. But of course, the lives they're putting on Facebook are a very curated version.

It's the best picture. It's the best. It's the highlight reel, you know, of their life. Have you ever had someone that's had more than like two or three divorces? Like what would be the... Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Really?

The record right now is I have someone who I did his fifth divorce and his sixth prenup. Oh, he's going again. Okay. He's going in again. Is it hard not to give someone like that advice? Just be like, maybe this marriage thing's just not for you. You know, I think about that. I struggle with that sometimes.

Because 53% of marriages in the United States end in divorce. And so if I said to you there's a 53% chance you're going to get hit in the head with a bowling ball when you walk out of your house today, you'd stay home or you'd wear a helmet at a minimum. Yeah. So it's hard for me to say to people, you know, yeah, maybe this marriage thing just doesn't work. Maybe it's a failed experiment. But the truth is I'm very much a romantic. I really, I go to weddings. People still invite me to weddings.

I don't know why. But I go to weddings and I really find myself, you know, marriage is like the triumph of faith over reason. There's really this feeling that you have. And even when I'm there, you know, I find myself just cheering for it and thinking, boy, if it works out. Because I tell people, you know, marriage is like the lottery. You're probably not going to win. But if you win, what you win is so good that it's worth buying a ticket. You know, my parents were married for 52 years until my mom passed away.

And they had a wonderful love and a wonderful life together. So when it's good, it's so good that it's probably worth, you know, taking the chance to see if you can be in the 48% that make it work. So questions like being a divorce lawyer, going to weddings, is there something that you can pinpoint as kind of like, well, they're not going to stay together? I try to really look at the people very honestly. I don't want to overuse the car metaphor, but if I said to you you could buy any car you want when you're in your 20s or early 30s, which is the age where most people get married, you would probably say, oh, yeah, I want a Porsche or I want a Lamborghini or I want a Ferrari. Yeah.

Okay, Ferrari. Great choice. Now, if I said to you, by the way, whatever car you pick, that's the car for the rest of your life. So you're going to put a baby seat in there. If you have kids, when you're 80, you're going to be getting in and out of that car. If you end up having three kids, you're gonna have to squeeze them in the back of that car. Then you might say, you know what, I need to make a more practical choice. So you'd have to find something that was good in your 20s and in your 30s and in your 40s and in your 70s and in your 80s.

So when I go to a wedding, I try to look at the longer timeline of what is this person's life likely to look like and do these two make sense in that context. Yeah, I don't know why people invite you. With just a little bit of a juggle around the words then, you just gave what could be a really romantic speech at a wedding. You could be like, he's found his Toyota Corolla, because it's going to be practical now.

No one wants to be a Toyota. You can chuck your kids in the back. He found his Subaru Outback. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. Oh, brilliant. They don't offer to have me give the toast. I'm not sure why.

Yeah. James J. Sexton, if you're in my office, it's already too late. A divorce lawyer's guide to staying together. Fascinating. Thank you for talking to us. What a pleasure. Thanks so much. Have a great day.

Fact of the day is about dogs Okay And their noses Amazing things the dog knows Oh yeah, because I was watching that show the other night on TV And it was found drugs at the airport Oh, the Cusser's dog Yeah

Yeah And they'd like put them in shoes. It was meth in shoes. And the dog found them. I was like, that's so good. We, coming back through the airport, because I always have to say to the girls, when we get through this part,

there's going to be dogs. There's going to be cute dogs. They're not always bagels. Sometimes they're Labradors. Black Lab at the moment, don't they? I said, you know, we've got to... Someone knows the drug roster. Yeah.

Someone knows the inspection roster. You. Someone knows the inspection roster. You want to come through on a lab and hide a cheeky ham sandwich in the people's bag in front of you and he's distracted by that. You'll get your coke into the country. And I always say to them, the dogs through here, they're working dogs. We can't talk to them.

Yeah. And last time we were walking through, we were walking and Indy looked at me. She's like, I don't know if I'm not going to be able to talk to this dog. I love them. I was like, I know you do. We've just got to play it cool. She's like, so no pets?

I'm like, no pets. I always talk to them, but don't pet them. They have little jackets on, and they say, don't pet me. Yeah, yeah, don't touch me. Don't touch me. It doesn't say don't talk to me in a cute voice. We should get Fletcher in those jackets. Don't touch me.

And don't feed me. But that's just for us. No, feed me because I get angry. We're your handlers. We know when you need to be fed. We're going to have strangers feeding you and it'll throw your timetable right out. So today's fact of the day about dogs

and about their noses is that dogs use different sides of their nose to smell different smells. What? So this was 30 mixed breed dogs. They were tested. Now they were given six smells, dog food, vaginal secretions of a healthy female dog, and heat.

Are you kidding, Vaughn? Thank you for that, Vaughn. Could have just said female scent. A female scent of a dog on heat. Thank you for that, Vaughn. Could have just said female scent. A female scent of a dog on heat. Thank you. A lemon. Okay. A swab with nothing on it.

A fresh swab. And they had to make sure it was like real fresh. Yeah. Because dogs can smell anything. Five, a sweat from their veterinarian. Yeah. So they went to each of these dogs' vets and said, can we get you on a treadmill or something?

We need to harvest some sweat. Can we rub you up? And adrenaline. Okay. And so then they laid them out for the dogs to sniff of what they would do. And they would use different sides of their nose to investigate the different smells.

So the pleasant smells, they would use their left nostril to investigate more heavily. So if they smelt food or, what did you call it? Female dog. Lady scent. Lady scent.

Scent of a bitch. They'd be in there with the left nose. Factual, Megan. Female dog. I know. Factual. It's all been factual, but it can't be turned down.

That would actually be a great, a great, because dogs don't really have, now you wouldn't put perfume on a dog instead of throw their sniffer all out, would it? Wouldn't it? Or CK1. My dog sneezes when I put perfume on too. Right.

They don't like it. It doesn't surprise me that your dog's hypoallergenic, to be totally honest. Such a stupid dog. Strange of colors. Shut up. But they, scent of a bitch would be a great scent for a dog. Calvin Klein.

Stink like a bi. Don't say it. So they used their left nostril to smell things that they found pleasant. Right. And they would use their right nostril initially on the stuff that they liked. Right. And then switch to that. They'd predominantly use their left.

But on the stuff they didn't like, like the sweat of their vet, because they can smell when... That's why they can smell fear. They say animals can smell fear. It's because they can smell when you start sweating. Do you reckon they can smell

when you bring out the carrier tray? You know how you have your pet box? Because if you had it in the garage or something and brought it into the house, surely they'd be able to smell it. They'd be like, I'm out of here. But if Because if you had it in the garage or something and brought it into the house, surely they'd be able to smell it. They'd be like, I'm out of here. But if you've just moved it around the house.

Right, maybe not. Someone tried to explain to me the intensity of the dog's ability to smell. It was Mark who trained our dogs to drive cars. Mark's right. Mark's right, yeah, yeah. Mark's right, who trained our dogs to drive cars. And he's like, they could come somewhere

two hours after you've been there and be able to follow the exact thing like they're seeing your footprints. Like that, the, I mean, that's why the police use them as tracker dogs, aren't they? So just a quick question. If I've got my suitcase stuffed with cocaine and I see the dog coming, kind of just jam a finger up its left nose, nostril, just to block the smell.

No, because they always go right first. And then if it's bad, they. Right. I mean, if you stick your fingers in the dog's nostril just to block the smell. No, because they always go right first and then if it's bad, they right. Oh, if you stick your fingers in the dog's nostril, you'll get your drugs through, but they'll all ask you why you've got your fingers up a beagle's nose.

That would be a sign of guilt to me. Yeah, you're going to get an inspection, aren't you? A sign of guilt. So apparently this is due to the fact of different sides of the brain process different things

for dogs. Left, it would seem joy and right, things they don't like and things they're uncertain of. So that's why they always smell with the right first due to the fact of different sides of the brain process different things for dogs. Left, it would seem joy, and right, things they don't like and things they're uncertain of. So that's why they always smell with the right first before switching to the left if they like it. So today's fact of the day is dogs will sniff different things

with different sides of their nose depending on what they think about it. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Apparently, older people do a range of stuff better than millennials. This is the latest headline that tells millennials that... There's also a range of stuff that we do better than them. Yes. Like text without the clicks on. I heard someone the other day texting with the clicks on at the gym.

I'm like, shut up. You know you can turn those off. Unreal. Yeah, I know. I sometimes like the clicks because then it lets you know you've hit the button. I know because my dad was like, oh, what do you think I'm doing? That is such a baby boomer thing to say. What? No, I like... Can't you know you hit the the button. Oh, no, because my dad was like, oh, what do you think I'm on your phone? Oh, that is such a baby boomer thing to say. What?

No, it's satisfying. Can't you know you hit the button because it pops up on the screen? No, I know, but it's satisfying when it goes tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Are you kidding? You're not a clicker. No, no, no, no, no, no. Get out of here. No, no, no, no, no.

My dad was like, what do you think of my new phone? And I said, oh, give us a look. And I just went into settings and it was the first thing I did. Turned it off. And then he messaged me, text messaged me, hey, what happened to my clicks? Question mark emoji. Because he's into emojis now.

Yeah, same with my mum. Quick little emoji. I just said that it's better this way. It's better for all involved. For the people around you, this is a significant improvement. Yeah. There's a range of things,

apparently, along the lines of they know how to do sentence structure and stuff grammar or something grammar and spell check whereas we just let it correct itself or if there's a red squiggly line under it click it and it'll say sorry no suggestions so we copy what we've done into google and google will say did you mean and we'll say thank you google and then we'll copy that back yeah it's hard sometimes because you get so used to having the red squiggly line, then you use an app that doesn't have the squiggly line. Like a pen in your hand?

Yeah, or you're actually writing. It's a confusing app, man. I don't know how to use that all the time. And you're just like, oh, how do I spell this again? I know, you get a bit lazy, don't you? But, I mean, this is no – to me, that's not them being better. It's us adapting to what's around us. We're very adaptive.

So what else does this study say that over 55s are better at than millennials? A bit handy stuff with your hands. That's true, yeah. That's very true. Like your dad's a carpenter. My dad used to be a joiner and carpenter. I fixed a hole in my wall. You did actually.

See, there's another thing. How did you do that? You YouTubed it. It's like how do I tie a tie every time I need to actually See that's another thing How did you do that You YouTubed it It's like how do I tie a tie Every time I need to tie a tie YouTube I YouTube it And then reverse it

Different because they're back to front And then I get real confused Yeah So I just go You've just got to think of that Miss Elliot song You put your tie down Flip it and reverse it It's over

Under and through Yeah Maybe then I get the real long bit Underneath it I know yeah That's the hardest part You can also tell We didn't go to private schools Yeah But I would like to know We were under it through years. Maybe they're going to get the real long butt underneath that. I know, yeah, that's the hardest part. You can also tell we didn't go to private schools.

Yeah. But I would like to know what you know for a fact that your parents are better than you at, but it doesn't really bother you. Because it doesn't bother me that they're better at it. Right. Because we trade off. Like, I've got a stain in my shirt that I can't get out. My mum can.

Yeah. But her route is not working. So shirt that I can't get out. My mum can, but her router's not working. So then I can get that working again. I mean, she could too if she unplugged it and plugged it back in. Or she dusts very vigorously, my mother. Dusts like an absolute fiend, and she knocks the cord out of the router, and then nothing's working.

Growing things. Hey, like, my mum can grow anything. Like flowers? Like vegetables, anything. Oh, no they can, my mum can grow anything. Like flowers? Like vegetables, anything. Oh no, see on vegetables, I'm on par. We trade vegetable advice. But like roses, the hedges, like my old man can grow it.

I think he just looks at it and the hedges are like, yes sir, straight back and sides. My mum comes over and just laughs at my pot plants because they're a little bit grey. I just learnt on washing,

the sun takes some stain out. What do you mean? Like if it comes out of the washing machine and it's still got a little bit something, something on it. Yeah, you hang it in the sun and the sun bleaches it out. Oh, I don't know. Don't ask. Okay. Another thing parents are great at.

So we want you to call now 0800 DALS at him. You can text 9696. What are your parents better at? Better than you at? Speaking. That's getting back to the grammar. That's getting back to the grammar and speaking thing. There was a red squiggly line in my mind as I said that.

We're talking about things over 55s do better than millennials. Your parents. A list of it. Parents. Some of them include how to properly polish shoes. Oh, who polishes shoes? Yeah. Get new ones from ASOS.

Or lick your finger and wipe it off. Exactly. And that dirty looks in at the moment. Yeah. How to sew on a button. I'll give them that. I asked my mum to do it. I do it and I just go in and out so many times it's like a marine rope is holding the button on.

How to do times tables without using a calculator. Oh, yeah, that's... Yeah, that's good. Also, this is counting millennials as 25 to 34. So I'm not in that group anymore. Why are you? You change that list every week,

don't you? I know, because I read one like last week and I was like, oh my God, I'm in. Yeah, you were on the cusp. But then I'm not, I'm out now.

Can you apologise? Because I always say I'm a millennial and you never say I am. Can you please apologise? I am, in fact, a millennial. Us old folk don't apologise to you millennials. We blame you for everything. Us Xennials.

On the cusp of millennials and X. How to write a formal letter. You don't need to write a formal letter. You do your complaints on Twitter where people can see them. Exactly. Oh, how to read time on an analogue clock. Oh, formal letter. You do your complaints on Twitter where people can see them. Exactly. Oh, how to read time on an analogue clock. Oh, piss off. 90% of people over 55 could do it.

90? I thought that would be 100. 61% of millennials. Oh my God, my people. I know you're not alone. Thank you. That's insane. That's a waste of time.

Kelly, what do your parents do better than you? My mum is better than me at Candy Crush. Oh, really? Wow, okay. That's actually a slap in the face. And is that on the tablet or the iPhone? No, it's on the iPhone 4. Oh, wow.

Small screen. Mums love a big screen. Yeah. Wow. So she's still rocking the iPhone 4 and better at Candy Crush than you. She's rocking the iPhone So she's still rocking the iPhone 4 and better at candy crushing you. She's rocking the iPhone 4 and I'm rocking the iPhone 8 Plus and hers is like freezing. What? And still better?

Does she need your help with like the router and other kind of technology stuff? No, like our internet was like stuffing up last night. Yeah. And I didn't know how to fix it. She goes, oh, just go and reset the router. I was like, how do you do that? So she got up and turned it off and on. Oh, mum.

It's okay, you're failing as a millennial. Yeah. Come on. You're letting us down. It's all right that she's better at us than things, but we've got to have the router. Hey, thanks for your call, Callie. Thank you.

Boston, what is mum better at than you? Long distance running and hockey. She doesn't actively compete against you, does she? Do you have running races, Boston? Yeah, I do. Yes. Why is she better than you at these things, Boston? Because I've got short legs

See, that's not fair Mum's got to give you time for your legs to grow Mum's using your short legs to make her feel better about herself I mean, that's parenting 101 Last night I smashed my kids at a game of snap Take no prisoners Thanks, Boston Somebody said my parents

Wait there, Boston, Let's give him something. Yeah. My parents are both significantly better judges of character than I am. They meet people and immediately they're like, no, don't like that person. And it takes me months to find out the same thing. Every boyfriend you're bringing home just doesn't... They know.

Is that what you get from that? Well, boyfriend, I'm getting that, but they say friends. Oh, okay. Yeah, I was friends with someone for ages. Mum always said she was selfish. I didn't see it until I had. I had, and it was a bit too late. We'd been really good friends and I was really hurt. Is that an age and experience

thing? Maybe. They can identify characteristics in people they've seen before. My mum's amazing at writing poems. They sound amazing. They rhyme, but they're also very, like they create visualizations in your head. It's okay.

My best effort to date was probably in high school when I said, Mr. Hill, take a chill pill. Poetic. Poetic. I mean, you've got multiple rhymes there. Yeah. Because Hill rhymes with both chill and pill.

Yeah. That's actually really well done. Good work, you. Millennial points. CDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Yeah. That's actually really well done. Good work, you. Millennial points.