ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - April 24 2018

Episode Date: April 23, 2018

Vaughan has finally been asked to pay for cutting down trees, Swipemares and how far did you get when you ran away from home?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughn and Megan podcast, brought to you by Spark. Capture life like never before with the Samsung Galaxy S9. I told you you should have done it, Megan. No, I tell you, that was great. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. Hello, good morning, welcome to the show Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. Have you seen the All Blacks, Black Ferns video? No.

It's good. It's like, goosey bumps good. Oh, good. As it starts off, you're like, here we go. And you're like, all blacks. Yeah. Then the black ferns are in all blacks. And you're like, this is great.

Okay. And then what happens? You're seeing their faces. They're world champions after all. Yep. And they're on their way to, I think it's Osaka, because that's the place with the next Rugby World Cup, right? It is, yep. And then you see a couple of little rainbow flags in the crowd.

And then it gets full on. They start talking about diversity and inclusion. And then jets fly over and make rainbow smoke behind them. And then they pull on their little All Blacks jersey. Now, I don't know if this is a legit All Blacks jersey feature, because, you know, they've got some great features in those jerseys. Yeah. But when they pull on them and stretch them, rainbow.

It's like a holographic rainbow comes down the side. And they're standing boy, girl, boy, girl, boy, girl. That's cool. They just don't shove the black ferns in the background. They're front and centre. Good. It's a cool ad. You should watch it.

Yeah, yeah, it's pretty cool. Take that, Australian rugby. Yeah. Really. Israel Folau. Take that, Australian rugby. Great timing. Yeah, I heard that they're the only sporting organisation

to have the rainbow tick as a workplace. Really? Yeah, which is pretty cool. The NZRFU. Yeah. That's cool. That's very cool. Now we just need a gay all black.

Statistically, we've had one. We've had one or two or quite a few. I mean, they used to take a ship to some of the games back in the 1920s. Don't tell me you would. I mean, they used to take a ship to some of the games back in the 1920s. Don't tell me you would. I mean, they literally can't escape. Did they? It's a smorgie board.

You were saying if you were on a piano cruise with your wife. Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm saying if you were gay. Yep. And like back in the day, it was all pretty hush hush. Yeah. But surely over that amount of time going to the other side of the world, you'd find another all black.

And what, just kiss? That was also like, hey, anybody like kissing guys? It'd come up. Surely. Surely. It's a lot of times now. International waters too.

You know, like, it doesn't count. It was illegal in New Zealand and wherever, but international waters, different set of time. International waters too. You know, like, it doesn't count. It was illegal in New Zealand and wherever, but international waters, different set of rules. Right, okay. Thank the pirates for that. A lot of the first openly gay sailors. Pirates. Huge, huge homosexual community.

Again, international waters, it was just a free-for-all. Yeah. Really. Really was. Really was. In fact, it's a tradition that long continues. The Somali pirates. Yep.

Free for all. Yeah, yeah. Brilliant. I'm really fascinated by your gay history series. Maritime Homosexuality. It's actually my mastermind subject. We welcome Vaughan Smith, who's the specialist subject tonight. Maritime Homosexuality. Maritime homosexuality.

Good evening, Carl, yes. I specialise in sea shanties and shenanigans. Same sex, sea shanties, shenanigans. All right, the top six is coming up, and we have a boy, a new royal. Yes, and today's top six is top six outside chance long shot names for the new prince. Because you read them out, aren't you? They're all pretty stock standard. You're Arthur. Philip. And today's top six is top six outside chance long shot names for the new Prince. Because you read them out, aren't you? They're all pretty standard.

You're Arthur. Philip. Yeah, Arthur, Albert, Frederick, James, and Philip. All very plain and meek, aren't they? God, you'd be hoping it's not Philip. That's your brother's name. Oh, yeah. He'd be smug about that, won't he? Well, my sister just gave her son the middle name Artie after her uncle.

Right. But not Arthur. But then if this baby gets born because they're so close, people always think she copied, so she won't want Arthur involved. She won't want that. Alright. Alright you lot, listen up. It's Storytime. Alright, Storytime.

Three news headlines for three stories. Weird, unusual news stories that I've found from around the world. Vaughan and Megan, you must pick one headline. Headline one, comedian ends up in court. Headline two, Jehovah's Witnesses spreading more than God door to door. And headline three, man living a real life final destination movie. Those are the headlines today. Are they spreading an STI door to door?

No. Oh, damn it. That would have been fun. That would not be a ticket to Jehovah's Kingdom. No. If you were haphazardly. Is that a theme park? It's pretty.

Sounds like a theme park. Jehovah's prison. Jehovah's Kingdom. Oh, kingdom. Why did I hit prison? It sounds like there'd be a log flume. Well, it feels like a prison until you get to the kingdom. That's what. Jehovah's Kingdom. Oh, Kingdom. Why did I hit prison? It sounds like there'd be a log foam. Well, it feels like a prison until you get to the kingdom. Right.

That's what I've learned to believe. Okay. Is the real life, what did you say? What's that movie called? Final Destination. Final Destination. Yep. Is that the, because I was reading yesterday about the kid who got attacked by a shark

in Hawaii. Yes. And it was kind of like news that he got attacked by a shark in Hawaii. Yes. And it was kind of like news that he got attacked by a shark. He got a really good scar, by the way. Did you see the scar? Yeah, it's pretty badass. One of those scars that it doesn't, it wouldn't like deform your leg. But just be a great story.

You'd have like, you'd have a, it's a perfect scar to be like, yeah, that's a shark took a bite out of my leg. So that's interesting enough that we didn't kill him. But then the story was months before he was attacked by a bear. He was Canadian. He was sleeping out in a tent and a bear put his head in his mouth. And so he's just like living dangerously, this kid. Oh, yeah, that is Final Destination.

It's Final Destination. Stay away from the wildlife for a while. You got your bears, you got your sharks. What's next? And insincerators. What's the trifecta of insincerators? That's the third deadly animal. And what else happened on that movie?

The sunbeds one? Do you remember when that girl got... Oh, they got locked in the sunbeds. The paint of my ass fell. And the logging truck. Every time I'm driving behind a logging truck. I've never seen A Final Destination, but I know of the... Someone get a laser eye one as well.

I'm getting laser eyes today. Oh, really? Those movies. Do they still make those movies? They should. They should bring them back. Really? I'll be all right.

Anyway, we're not done. So what do you want? Comedian ends up in court or Jehovah's Witnesses spreading more than God? What? Comedian ends up in court? Okay.

Here, Google the Jehovah's Witnesses. Yeah, we'll do that. You're not allowed to Google. I don't know how to spell Jehovah's We go now to the UK where a comedian and I use that word loosely a comedian

Mark Misham 30 has been fined in court for a YouTube video and hate speech and there's been a lot of talk of hate speech in the news here in New Zealand

I just learned that the UK actually does have some hate speech. And there's been a lot of talk of hate speech in the news here in New Zealand. Well, I just learned that the UK actually does have some hate speech laws in place. Yes. It's got quite a few, actually, compared to us. So, Vaughan, I've sent you a video. Okay. If you could just play this video. It says, warning contains language

some viewers might find offensive. Yes. So do I give that warning? Because that's only written, I assume. That's not going to be said. Yeah, yeah. So basically, I'll give you a little backstory. This comedian, he wanted to wind up his girlfriend

who has a lovely dog, a very cute little pug. Okay. No time. He wanted to turn her dog into the least cute thing imaginable. And that's when he made this video. My girlfriend is always ranting and raving about how cute and adorable her wee dog is and so i thought i would turn them into the least cute thing that i could think of which is a nazi

and that's when the dog that's when the dog is putting up its its its paw or arm and like a hitler salute and like a hitler salute and it goes on and there's some phrases we won't play on here. It gets worse. That's not, I don't think that's funny. Yeah, he's actually received death threats before he went to court and has failed to land himself a good job due to the ongoing court case. But yeah, he was fined, in court, 800 pounds when his video was ruled anti-

anti-Semitic. Yeah. And yeah. What an idiot. Part of the hate speech laws in the UK. That's um, that's fair enough. Yeah. That's pretty horrendous.

The video was watched by millions of people. And, of course, now that it's in the news, it's being watched again and again. Because it's not like it just coincidentally happened. He's trained it to raise its arm to that saying. So he's been saying it a lot because dogs are dumb, especially pugs. And they take a lot of repetitive training. So you don't like pugs. You're very anti-pugs.

I was bitten by one. That's why I've gone anti-pug. But they're still cute. Nope. Next, sad news from Japan. Okay. How do I say this? Bento boxes are illegal.

No. Someone's died. It's very sad news. Oh, okay. Talk about the sex. It's Japan. I'm imagining people are dropping their forehead in the centre of the time.

Very large population. FM. Sad news coming out of Japan this morning. The oldest person in the world has passed away. The oldest woman was a Japanese woman. I think Nabi Tajima, I think. Right. Now, she was 117.

Oh, God. Believed to be... No, thank you. The last living person known to have been born in the 19th century. She was born... So what, she would have been born in 1900? Yeah, 1900. Wow.

She had seven sons and two daughters. Yep. And they've worked out that she has about 160 direct descendants, which includes great, great, great grandchildren. Oh, God. That's what I always think. Like, you look at a family tree and you go back to your great-grand, great-great.

So I did the Ancestry.com and got back to find ancestors that first came to New Zealand. Oh, yeah. Like, ages and ages ago. I'm like, wow, like, if I did the Ancestry.com and got back to find ancestors that first came to New Zealand. Oh, yeah. Like ages and ages ago. I'm like, wow, if I could meet him, I'd be nobody to him because literally he's got a thousand of me. Because by the time that guy had, because everybody had massive families back in the day.

So that guy has eight kids and then all his eight kids have eight kids and then our eight kids have five kids and their five kids have four kids and by the time it gets down to me because I thought he had this massive parcel of land but Were you angling for something in someone's will way up a family tree? Yeah, like if it just particularly

followed that stream right to me that'd be great but yeah, no, there's bloody thousands of us. Yeah, well she had nine kids in her time. Jeez. We did the Ancestry.com thing where you spit in a tube. Yeah. Yeah. Because your wife's just recently done a date. Oh yeah, she's a real hot mix of everything. Do you always get

the emails? No. Like, because I get emails and it's like something so-and-so wants to see if they, like, know you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or they could be, like, a distant relative. And it's like, you've got to accept them. And it's like, is this ancestor the same as this person's ancestor? They think it might be.

Oh, I don't get those emails. I just keep getting emails. And people are, like, really, they message you on there. They're just like, who's this person and do you know this? I'm just like, I don't know. Go away. You're fusing me for someone who likes humans. I just wanted to log in and see how much like,

I don't know, like hot Spanish I am. You're hoping for a bit more. And it's like, what, 2%? Not enough. I was 8% Spanish. That was so exciting. That's the best news ever. And a lot percent Viking, but I don't like to tell people that.

Well, no, the Vikings were the sexy bunch. Every time there's a Norwegian volleyball team at any sort of... You can say. You can say. I'm a bit of that. I can see the family resemblance. 30% of that. Yeah.

Today's top six, the top six long shot names for the new baby prince. This has happened overnight. A prince has been born. You were just saying she was in and out within five hours, Megan. Yeah. No, out within five hours of giving birth, but she was in there a little bit. Oh, she would have been, and she would have been in labour. Not that long.

No. In the hospital for five hours. No. She went in at 6 a.m. and it was born at 11. Yeah, but then she left five hours. No. She went in at 6am and it was born at 11. Yeah, but then she left five hours after. She... Well, I don't know about that. She did because she was just leaving when I woke up.

Eight hours. Yeah, yeah. Like eight or nine hours. I still... Very impressive. Yeah. Great effort. I'd just be there like, leave me alone.

I need to just stay here. At least a day. She probably like afterwards, they were like, it's a boy. It's great news. And you know when you wake up a little bit late and you're like, God, God, and you get up and you just got to really get your clothes on and everything in a hurry. She was probably like, all right, let's go, guys.

I'm going to get the car seat. Let's get out of here. Back to the palace. Now, we don't have a name for the baby yet. No. But they never go ultra modern, do they? No. The royals, they always go

really traditional. Quite old names, old English names. But I'm thinking, why don't we meet somewhere in the middle? Okay. So these are

our six kind of long-shot older names, but not really old, but not really new names. Okay. They could name the prince. Number six, Doug. Doug. Doug.

Doug the Prince. Douglas, officially. Because what's his last name? What last name do they use? Windsor? No, it's something weird. No, it's Mountbatten. No, they changed it.

Yeah, Mountbatten. It's hyphenated. There's two. Mountbatten, Windsor-y. We do this every time. We do this every time. We do this every time. You guys have watched The Bloody Crown, you should know. William Arthur Philip Lewis

is his full name. No, that's just his middle names. That's just his first and all of his middle names. Windsor-y Regal. Windsor. Didn't they change it because it sounded too German? Someone's done a news story on it. Anyway, let's say Windsor. It is.

It is Windsor. Mountbatten, Windsor. The official family name of the Royals is Windsor, as the Royals currently preside over the House of Windsor and first came to be used in 1970. Yeah, Mountbatten, I think they changed it because that was traditionally a German name. However, Prince William's surname is Mountbatten, Windsor.

Okay. He's carrying it through. So, Douglas, Doug, Windsor. Mountbatten, Windsor. Mountbatten, Windsor. That's got a good ring to it. That's got a good ring to it. Number five on the list of long shot names that aren't too old but aren't too new, kind

of in the middle, Craig. Mountbatten, Windsor. Prince Craig, Mountbatten, Windsor. I like it. I like it. Craig's out there like, yes, yes. Finally. Finally.

When he goes to America, they'll call him Craig. Craig. Oh, God, I hate that. Craig. Craigs out there are like, yes, yes. Finally. Finally. I mean, when he goes to America, they'll call him Craig. Craig. Oh, God, I hate that. Craig. Like they're saying Greg. Yeah. It's Craig. I always hear that saying Greg.

But how do they say Greg? Greg. Greg. Greg. Greg. Craig. Craig and Craig. Craig and Greg.

Craig. Craig. Number four on the list of long shot names that aren't too old but aren't too new, right in the middle for the new Prince. Bruce. Bruce Mountbatten-Windsor. Prince. Prince Bruce.

Prince Bruce. Brilliant. It's got a good name. It's got a good ring to it. Bruce. These names also just occurred to me pretty much of everybody's uncles became princes. Yeah, yeah. Number three on the list.

Although it's number three, it's one of my faves. Okay. Dennis. Prince Dennis. Prince Dennis, Mountbatten, Windsor. Yes, that rolls off the tongue very nicely. I like it. Number two on the list of the top six long shot names for the new prince.

Murray. Prince Murray, Mountbatten, Windsor. Your uncle Murray would like that. He would love it. He'd take it as an Murray. Prince Murray, Mountbatten, Windsor. Your Uncle Murray would like that. He would love it. He'd take it as an honour. Prince Murray. Murray. Murray.

Yeah. You could see him getting up to trouble in Vegas. Oh, Murray. You know, in his teenage years. Oh, yes. Like Prince Harry. And the number one long shot name for the new Prince, it's not too old and not too new, Ronald.

Ronnie. Prince Ronnie. Prince Ronnie. Prince Ronnie, Mount too old and not too new. Ronald. Ronnie. Prince Ronnie. Prince Ronnie. Prince Ronnie Mountbatten-Windsor. Prince Ronald. That's not bad. These are all just outside shots. They're not too old, not too new. They don't like going too contemporary, but some of the old names are overused and a bit boring.

So there's six. Should we listen to the podcast now? She's gone home. Yep. Taking her high heels off. Righto, let's get into this child raising. Put on that podcast. That is today's top six. F.E.M.

So apparently the Mediterranean diet is the best diet in the world. Like fish. Fruit and vegetables. Nuts. Olive oils. All that kind of thing. Everything in moderation. Everything in moderation.

No. And no moderation. No. And no cakes and biscuits. It's like lean proteins and that kind of thing. Well, there is a new diet. Well, it's not new. There is a diet that they're saying is better than this. So... For weight loss or just in general?

Well, I guess weight loss. Right. But also they're saying health as well. Right. It is the Veggio diet. The vegetarian diet. Your love this one. With all of its slow cooked barbecue meats. Yeah, abundant.

Obviously, abundant amounts of delicious meats. So it's, they're calling it officially the lacto ovo vegetarian diet, which is meat and fish free, but allowing for dairy. So it's not vegan. Right, okay. You can have like, I don't know, cheese and stuff. Yogurt, cheeses. Right. I don't think I could ever live a life without cheeses. Cheeses is central to my life. Cheeses is central to my life. Camembert, Edam, Tasty,

Parmesan. The holy goat cheese. The thing, like, yeah, so nutritionists are saying this is, like, this is good. The average person can lose around 1.8 kgs on a vegetarian diet. How long? I don't know. Because I'm not eating nothing but veggies for a year for 1.8 kgs. No thanks. So the only problem I have with this is that I've tried this.

So when I was dieting for the wedding, I thought that I would do like vego. Kept that quiet? No, I didn't. Oh, no, you found out about it a long time after. Oh, that was those days. But you weren't doing a hundy. Weren't you doing days? No, see, this is the problem because I do do have a nutritionist, and she found it very hard, because the joke is always that you're not

eating enough protein if you're a vegetarian, but it's really difficult to do a diet that's got low calories and no meat, because you've got to eat so much legumes and stuff to get enough protein if you're not having meat. So, it was really difficult for her to balance it out.

From them, hey? Yeah. So you actually get quite a few calories from beans and legumes and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So it's really difficult, like, if you're going to be vegetarian. And then you're, like, still hungry, so you eat. But then you say that, and there's a couple of them, I think. They're like MMA fighters or Thai kickboxers, and they're, like, either vegan or vegetarian.

And they're kind of like the people that are held up as like, well, if they've got killer... Oh, yeah, I've seen the vegetarian bodybuilders and stuff. No, but that's the thing. They can eat a lot of food because of the exercise they're doing, but if you're like... Trying to lose weight. ...everyday old, mate...

Yeah, right. ...it's difficult. You have to really put some time and effort into balancing out what you're eating, making sure you're not having too many calories. I've never heard of the Mediterranean diet. Really? I'm just looking at it. It sounds pretty good.

Well, yeah, it's just like fresh fish and salads. It sounds expensive. Yeah. It sounds very expensive, but if you had the money to do it, mind you, if you had the money to do it, you'd just get lipo, wouldn't you? Yeah. And the trouble is most of these diets look good until you're a trainer to do it, mind you, if you had the money to do it, you'd just, like, get lipo, wouldn't you? Yeah. And the trouble is most of these diets look good until you, like – And a personal trainer and someone to cook for you.

I could buy this, like, $80 salmon or I could just get lipo. Yeah, like, save up. How much does lipo cost? You buy 10 $80 salmons, it's $800. But then you eat ice cream again and you need more lipo. Yes. No, but it actually looks quite legit. And even like number 0.7 is sip a little wine.

Now there you go. Mediterranean. Mediterranean's know their stuff. My problem is it says it's low in refined sugars and processed foods. So it doesn't include ice cream. Ah. Boo. Problematic.

Not too many diets do I found. Elon Musk, who we're just discussing behind the scenes, has had hair plants, hair plugs. What do you call them? Oh, I found a better picture.

Because when he started PayPal, he was bald. Give it a go. And like, I actually feel a little bit betrayed by him now. Oh, really? He's a bald brother

who's turned his back on who he was meant to be. Okay. He has said, it is not rude to walk out of meetings. It's ruder to make someone stay and waste their time. So if you're in a meeting and you don't feel you're adding anything or getting anything out of it, it's not rude to leave and let the people who are actually dealing with what the meeting subject is to deal with it.

Now, we have a lot of meetings after the show, don't we? In fact, we've got meetings today after the show. See this? I'm putting it into place because I don't believe there's anything I can add to staff meeting. It's not about what you can add to staff meeting, though. It's about being there and hearing what else is going on. Because that can be emailed.

Well, I mean, yeah, you're not wrong. What about Caitlin's meetings? Producer Caitlin holds a lot of meetings for us after the show. She's actually pretty good. You don't let them drag on. Well, no, because I just look at your faces the whole time and you're on your phone and rolling your eyes. Yeah, we just get in, get them done.

She usually ends up going, okay, fine, we're done. But we have to go to staff meeting, guys. You know this because Roswell tells me off. Yeah, not us. You don't go. He's like, where are they? But would he tell off Elon?

And then I have to make up lies. I have to say that you have appointments and that you feel sick and stuff like that. Would Elon Musk have to make up excuses or just leave?

So I not adding anything to this. Can we trade Ross Boss in for Elon Musk? Because I'd like him as boss. I don't know about that. Because Ross is pretty

cash most of the time. Yeah, no. He gets distracted with chats about stuff and he forgets what he came in for. Elon Musk would be too full on.

Make you work hard too probably. But he lets us walk out of meetings. Yeah, if you feel like you're adding nothing to it. He talks about in Tesla

because he's trying to get the company it's already working but he said he's trying to get it producing more cars and he's trying to cut down company, it's already working, but he said he's trying to get it producing more cars and he's trying to cut down the waste and everything wherever he can. And he said, and I quote,

this means a lot of middle management adding up costs but not doing anything obviously useful. So many contracts are essentially open time and materials, not fixed price and duration. He's basically putting middle management on watch because unless they can prove how they're actually adding to it. We all work with people that faff about telling people what to do. Get rid of them.

I like him. He's good. Us and them. Yeah, and he lets people walk out of meetings. Yeah, I'm more for this walking out of meetings. I like him. Sensible man. Sensible man.

I actually don't feel like I can add anything more to this, so I'm all for this walking out of meetings. I like him. Sensible man. Sensible man. I actually don't feel like I can add anything more to this, so I'm leaving. Say that about everything in life. Yeah. No, I was actually telling you guys. About the show. I think I've done my bit for the day. Really?

Pretty solid hours work. Well, if you're going to be paid, I think you'll be staying until 10. Oh, okay. Whatever to be on Elon Musk's team. Thank you. I'm not saying leave work, but this is a meeting of sorts.

This isn't a meeting, no. No. Got me on a technicality. I'll see if I can reword this somehow. Danger, Danger Will Robinson. Danger if you don't turn up to a restaurant reservation.

I've never thought about this. Right. But they reserve a table for you and I don't know the exact rule, and I'm imagining it changes how flash the restaurant is, but they reserve a certain amount of time for that table to be used before being able to book it out to somebody else. And if you don't turn up, not only have you not purchased food and thus cost them money,

you've also stopped them from earning money from another reservation. Yeah, always cancel. I always cancel. So that's what they're saying. You've got to cancel. Cancel with a fair bit of time because generally they've got a cancellation list of people who would like to go

if they're booked out, if they're busy, if it's a good restaurant. And then they can ring someone up and say, hey, last minute, but we've had an opening if you would still like to. Oh, this is a pet peeve when restaurants don't do bookings. It's because of this. And you can understand

why they don't. But then, like, yeah, I'm going to turn up, but I just want to know when we can go. If you've got a group, it's annoying. I talked to a restaurant and they said, our booking half's full, but we've left our other half open for walk-ins. And I was like, that's

going to be... Then you rely on getting there and you walk up and there's no tables there. Surely they could book their walk-in section and then if you don't turn up, people will walk in. No, they don't like to book their walk-in section because they like to get the traffic in and off the street because apparently due to the people not turning up

or being late and they can just, you know, they can seat people as the tables... Running a restaurant would be a nightmare. Wouldn't you just be like, there's a 10 minute window. If you're 10 minutes late, I'll just hand it over to someone else.

What is the window? Because my wife's always like, we're two minutes late, ring them and tell them we're parking. I'm like, I'm not going to give our table away two minutes

because we're two minutes late. But then there's some BYO places that are really strict. They're like, your booking's at seven, you've got to be out by eight. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like,

you've got half your bottle of BYO left and they're shooing you out. Oh, that's not a problem. You've got to be out by 8. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, like, you've got half your bottle of BYO left, and they're shooing you out. Oh, that's not a problem. You've got to... Chug, chug. Drink it in their car park. They say, I've walked into a restaurant before, and they say, oh, sorry, like, the reservation's at 8.

I'm like, oh, it's 6.30. They're like, oh, yeah. And I say, you've wildly underestimated how quick I can eat. As quick as you can get it to the table, I'll be able to eat it. Yeah. Because we're wolfers. Is this in the news or something? Well, no, the reason I want to say this

is a British restaurant has put up, shared the details online of a woman that just didn't show up. All of her details. Oh, that's a bit... So her name, did they include her phone number? Yep, her name and her phone number, which was foolish.

They could have left the name in, blurred the email and phone number. But she made a statement that she needed it for from 7 o'clock till close, which is 11. Oh, okay. She was after a big table booking. Yeah. So they're like, yes, alright, six people. Massive, you know, big booking, and I'm going to need it from seven till shut.

So that's probably three tables you could have in that time. You could get someone in from six to seven-ish, seven to eight-ish, and then nine to close. Yes. Do you run a restaurant have you played a restaurant sim restaurant sims

I play restaurant sims all the time so they tweeted out the person's address saying I'm going to start tweeting no shows that's what they said

well it actually is illegal because it's breaching a data protection law saying because you've given out their name

their phone number and their email which is enough to begin, you know, stealing somebody's identity, really. Yeah, right. And it's details that you're trusted with any time that anybody gives it to you, so they're in trouble.

While they did get their fair share of support, they also got roasted by other people who said, you know, you don't know her circumstance. Didn't she say she had an emergency and it wasn't the top of her mind to cancel? To cancel it. Yeah, that's it. I don't know, though.

What was the emergency, though? Because that's something I'd say. And if there's six of you going, just message your friend and be like, hey, cancel that. I don't know. I guess it depends on the emergency. See, but you are, in the back of your mind, you know.

Whereas if I had an emergency, it would be last thing I'd think of. True. What kind of emergency, though? You've just lost a foot. I almost feel like that's what you say when you get called out. Yeah. I had an emergency.

I've had an emergency. If you start crying, no one's going to question. That is the worst fake cry I've ever heard. Okay, do better. Do better. I'm ringing you. Okay. Ring, ring. I'm the bleach cut cry. Ring, ring. No, I'm the heard. Okay, do better. Do better. I'm ringing you. Okay. Ring, ring.

Oh, bleach cut cry. Ring, ring. No, I'm the restaurant. No, you're the person. You said my fake crying was bad, so I'm ringing you to test. Oh, okay, right. Okay, right. That bloody, he's not showing up.

Do, do, do, do, do. Ring, ring, ring, ring. Ring, ring. Oh, he's not going to answer. He's going to make me. No, I'm having an emergency. I'm letting it ring at least a couple of times. Ring, ring.

Ring, ring. Come on, answer it. Ring, ring. I'm in the hospital. It's on silent. I haven't heard it. Ring, ring. Hello?

Hello? Is this Mr. Fletcher? Yeah, I can't really talk. I'm in hospital. I'm just wondering where you are. You booked a table for six. You've not shown up. I'm in hospital. You're in hospital? It better be bloody good.

What's happened? Are you okay, mate? I'm crying. You know, you don't need to say I'm crying when you're crying. Let the crying speak for itself. I was crying. He just did a squeak and then said I'm crying. You just did a squeak and then said, I'm crying. Are you crying or are you slowly deflating a balloon? I was crying.

I can't talk. What happened? My arm fell off. How did you answer the phone? With my other hand. With the other arm. I got two arms. That was just trick question.

I was trying to flush you out. Trying to flush you out. Okay, you do it then, Megan. Ring, ring. If you're so good at crying. Ring, ring. Hello. Hello.

Is this? Oh. Hi. No, she's saying bye. She started with that. She's not coming in to eat tonight. Oh, no. Is that how you answer any?

Ask me what's wrong. Megan never ever answers phone calls. Oh, no. Is that how you answer any... Ask me what's wrong. Megan never ever answers phone calls. No, no. All right, let alone if it's a mystery. If that's what I'm going to do now, if I get called by a number I don't know, I'm going to answer, Hello?

Just to see how they handle it. From now on, never call me if I don't know you because you're going to have to deal with crying man. Caitlin has confided in us that she's got a problem. She received correspondence from her sponsor child. That's when you sponsor a child, you get a letter every now and then. Maybe they fill out a little questionnaire about themselves.

You can see how their progress is going. And I was impressed. Some of those pencil drawings are actually pretty good. Pretty good, Caitlin. Pretty good. Pretty good, Caitlin. Pretty good. But herein lies the problem because I said what's the sponsor child's name? And

right, Caitlin wasn't aware of an issue and now an issue has arisen. Caitlin, what is the sponsor child's name? I've been sponsoring this child for over four years. Which is remarkable because you're always like, oh, I've got no money. I've got no money.

It's a payday. How much does this cost? But it doesn't take much to... I know. It's $45 a month. But I can't give up paying. I know. That's the thing.

Once you've started, you can't just be like, I'm going to stop now. Yeah, and because it goes to the whole community. It goes to the whole family. So I'm actually really happy about doing this. But when I started sponsoring this child, I got all of the details about her.

Her name was Gwidenzia Christopher William. And I was like, oh, the middle name's a bit random, but maybe it's her father's name. True. And we don't know how naming in other cultures works. And Christopher, because whereabouts is she from?

Tanzania. Tanzania. So Christopher might have been someone important to the area. It might not be specifically a name for men. They might not even be aware that it's traditionally over here. It's the masculine version of Christine. And it gives me the birth date and stuff, but obviously there's always a little asterisk saying that this could be an estimate

because they might not have birth certificates. Sketchy records. Yeah. But when I got the drawings, this is actually from Christmas. It just came a little bit later. What her favourite thing to do is, what she does, the chores that she does at home, what time she wakes up.

And then it said... So they send you all this stuff. Yeah. So you can be like, that's pretty cool. Yeah, she does at home, what time she wakes up. And then it said... So they send you all this stuff. So you can be like, that's pretty cool. Yeah, she does a little thing. But in the corner, she wrote her name and she wrote it as William Guadenzia Christopher. So the name, Caitlin always thought Guadenzia was the Christian name, the first name.

Right. But now the name order's changed and it's completely changed the game. Because now there's a male name first. Right. Quadensia, we don't know. And Quadensia is the middle name. And now it's the middle name. Because I thought William was the last name and Christopher was the middle name.

And I've looked at her other paperwork and there's a constant state of change. They just change it every time. Do they use pronouns in any, like, he or she likes to? It says, in my original pack, it says female. But that's the only place we can find female. That's the only place. Have you got a photo, like a recent photo of the sponsor child? I do. Now, as you know, photo, like a recent photo of the sponsor child? I do.

Now, as you know, I went to Kenya and all of the children, and I can say that all of the children there as well, don't have hair. They shave their hair because they've seen Vaughan Smith, Vin Diesel, The Rock, Bruce Willis, all these sexy bald men. And they want to be like them. Yes, yes. Women and boys and girls. Boys and girls. And also the hygiene.

James the producer is bringing in the picture of their sponsored child. James, just quickly on that mic, what do you think? Is that a boy or a girl? Oh, wow. Straight off the bat, I'm going to say girl. Okay. Born, she is beautiful. She's not beautiful.

But she technically has, by our standards, two masculine names, William and Christopher. Born, you've had a good... And Guadanzia could be a boy. There's got to be a way to find out because the pronoun's not used enough, like he or she. There's the to be a way to find out because the pronoun's not used enough. Like he or she. There's the one she.

I think that, I didn't see that photo the other day. I think you've got, that's. Well, yeah, because the original. But then that's also the thing that says Christopher is a first name and William as well. And there was another thing where William came first and the name order's always changing. This is William with the drawing. Yes, it is. Merry Christmas.

That one says William. Girl. Yeah, I'd say girl. I'd say girl. And I said just ask World Vision, and Caitlin said that's embarrassing because I'm supposed to know my sponsor child. I can't ask them to confirm the gender. Because it was her.

But do you think that Kayla wants to write a letter but you can't ask about just say hey you hey but it's like when you

forget someone's name hey babes hey mates yeah that's my place like everyone's babes hey babes not that a guy can't have a best friend

that's a girl but just to note that her best friend is Angelica oh okay maybe Angelica Houston Oh, okay. Maybe. Angelica Houston.

She likes to play football, but also girls like football. Girls love to play football. Girls like to play football. And she likes to wear new clothes. But then guys like to wear new clothes. And she likes rice and meat, but that could be it. What? Rice and meat. She said grass and meat.

Rice and meat. Right. That's, again, a very unisexual food. Anyway, I love her or him just as much as I did when I first. You're a unisex, androgynous sponsor child. I feel I should have gone to Tanzania and seen her in person. Oh, that would have been special. I thought about that with my sponsor kid, but I reckon it would freak them out.

You're just like, what up? Guy from the letters is here. Give her a hug. Oh, I wouldn't hug. I think I've gone all that way. I can't rock in. Yeah. Oh, no, don't do that. That'll be my next trip. Go see Gwydion Zier or William

or Christopher. One of them. Maybe there's three of them, like Huey, Dewey and Louie from DuckTales. Woman's benefit was cut for the craziest reason. So she went on Tinder dates. Two, to be exact. She went on a couple of Tinder dates. Actually, was it the same guy?

You're not allowed to go on Tinder dates if you're on the Benny. Oh, you wait. So went on two Tinder dates. So one, she went two Tinder dates. Yeah. So, one, she went to dinner at a movie. Now,

the guy paid for the date. Now, when she went to go and see her caseworker, she was like, okay, well, I'll be upfront about that.

I went on a Tinder date, he paid for dinner at a movie. Do you reckon it was an act of betrayal? What's up? Oh, went on a Tinder date, you know, oh, went on a Tinder date. You know, like you get a little bit. Oh, yeah.

Because I've been on the benefit and I got pretty, I was going to say intimate. It's not the right word. You got personal with my caseworker. Like what's been happening. What has opened up? Yeah, yeah, what's been happening. Is that their ploy? Yeah, and you kind of open up with some deets.

Went on a Tinder date. Yeah, you know how it is. Oh, what'd you do? Went for movies and a meal. Yeah, dinner and a movie. Yeah. And he paid. And that's when the caseworker said, well, that's kind of considered a dependent relationship by working income. What?

So, the benefit was cut for her. But surely that's a mistake. That's not a dependent relationship. No, they have since apologised and said, look, you know, we know that that was pretty distressing having cut the benefit.

The service failed us in this instance. But yeah, dependent relationship. Isn't that like when you're, you know, together, living together? Yeah, like sharing the same roof, that kind of thing. Yeah, I think it's where rent and food and all your costs can be split. Or a one-off Tinder date. Yeah. God, what if it hadn't been that great a movie and or meal?

Yeah, don't tell me. I'm not going to see him again. Does that count? I wouldn't be telling my case manager anything like that at all. Yeah, he took me to Denny's and then tried to slip me the tongue afterwards. I'll tell you what, that's certainly not happening. When I was on the benefit, they said they were going to have to cut my benefit because I wasn't going to the job interviews.

But they do hook you up with heaps of job interviews, eh? Yeah, yeah, but I just didn't want to do the milk run. No, fair enough. Look, I had non-paid work lined up in what I wanted to do. Yeah, in radio. I just needed to be able to afford to get there

and stuff. So yeah, it was in radio. So there was just the thing where they're like, are you going to go to this milk run interview or your benefit could be cut. And I said, oh, I've got actual like work experience then. Yeah. And they're like, oh, okay. But yeah, I've talked about it before.

I nailed the WINS courses, chainsaw course, fence painting course. I nailed it all. I just rocked straight in there and I said, I know how to paint a fence. And I painted in between the slats. And the guy was just like. No one's done that before. You can go home. Like I didn't need to ask how to paint I just whipped out the paintbrush

got to painting. Mind you I don't know how you get your fence painted but we painted some old lady's fence for nothing. Do you think she asked for it? Or even you? I don't know. If you put your hand up saying I wouldn't mind my fence painted. It's probably the guy from Windsor's fence. Yeah probably it was his brand or something.

FVM, the podcast. This kid, Drew, he's a 12-year-old in Australia. He's made national headlines because one day, and in this story I'm reading, it's not like he had a massive falling out with mum and dad, but he just said he wanted

an adventure. So he took the family credit card, said he was off to school, but instead booked himself return flights to Bali. Amazing. This story is incredible. He worked out what airline wouldn't require him to be accompanied or have any sort of parental excuse or letter or saying, you know, like, I am his guardian and I allow him to travel independently.

Because when I read this yesterday, you can travel over 12, as long as you're over 12 without a parent. Over 12, yeah. And you've got ID and then you're fine in Australia. And he did because they have travelled. They've been to Bali before as a family and that's why he chose Bali because he felt... He quite liked it.

He liked it and he was kind of familiar with the airport and stuff. So he wasn't going to freak out. He found out he'd go through Perth, with one stop over in Perth, and then up onto Bali, where he landed. At customs, they said, are you by yourself?

He's like, I know, my mum just went ahead. They're like, that's fine, welcome to Bali. Clink, stamp, through he goes. While he's there for four days, amongst other things, hires a scooter, blats around, even though other things, hires a scooter, blats around, even though no license, hires a scooter, blats around, buys a few beers. Doesn't really like beer, he said.

Doesn't really. Not my thing. Didn't really like the taste of that. He managed to buy it. Brilliant. Yeah. And then he uploaded a photo and a video, and that allowed people, the police, who were by this stage looking for him

because his parents were frantic about his whereabouts because they get one of those messages saying, your son's not turned up at school today. And they're like, oh, he's in Bali. So the parents immediately rushed to Bali to get him to which they're stopped by Jetstar in Perth to say, sorry, you can't go to Bali. You don't have a return ticket.

You've only purchased the one way. Oh, no. Did he purchase a return ticket. You've only purchased the one way. Oh, no. Did he purchase a return ticket? Yeah. Oh, my God. Because a lot of countries won't let you in if you... Unless you've got plans to leave. Especially Australians going to Bali.

They'll never come back. Yeah. I'm well versed on credit cards now. Or how to spend money on them. Yeah. But when I was 12, I would have had no idea how to use a credit card, how to book a flight, like any of it, to get myself to the airport, let alone a connecting flight. So it wasn't even direct.

That's actually really interesting. He got off in Perth. He got to the airport. And that is a mad airport. Sydney Airport. No, the Bali Airport. Oh, the Bali Airport. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, he got out of there. That's mad enough. That's why he chose Ares Familiar with it. But at this end, he still got to the airport. Sydney airport. No, the Bali airport. Oh, the Bali airport. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he got out of there. That's mad enough. That's why he chose there. He's familiar with it. Did he get a taxi to the airport? Well, they reckon there's $8,000 in Mum and Dad's credit card. So it sounds like he might have caught a taxi a couple of times because that isn't a bus debt. But then what are Mum and Dad going to do?

They're not going to cut off the card. Otherwise, their son's going to be cut off in Bali. With no money. Stuck in Bali. Oh, he is in so much trouble. But that's the thing. The interviewer, because this was on a current affair, last night in Australia, said he was actually a really genuinely nice 12-year-old boy. Well-mannered.

When they were doing research with the story, the reporter took some McDonald's, just a couple of cheeseburgers once, and he was like super thankful for them, always shook his hand, looked him straight in the eye. But then I'm calling, you know, and your group of friends, did you have the charming one that would charm people's parents but was always the biggest amount of trouble? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you. Because I've worn such a lovely guy.

He's a shitbags. He's a shitbags. This is the ultimate running away from home story. Yeah. Yeah. It really is. And I always thought a good runaway came after a massive argument with your parents or a fallout or a disagreement because they weren't going to let you do something.

Yeah. But this just, he just decided he wanted an adventure one day. And maybe that's what inspired your runaway as well. But we'd love to hear from you this morning on i800dolls.com or you can text 9696. Your finest runaway. Like how far did you get?

Maybe it wasn't that far. Where did you get to? Maybe it wasn't that far. No, maybe it was triumphant in itself. Yeah, it was just down the road. Because most of the times if you run away,

you just want to go somewhere for a bit, for a bit of a cool off and then you really want your parents to come look for you. Yeah. Because then you've won. If they, because, for a bit of a cool off and then you really want your parents to come look for you. Yeah. Because then you've won. If they, because you have a bit of an argument and they're like, fine,

go. And you're like, you'll regret this. See you in Bali. And you run away to the backyard. But if you're, if you're, you end up in Bali, you've got to admire it a little bit. Oh, he's obviously going to be an intrepid traveller when he's older. Oh, yeah. I mean, he obviously going to be an intrepid traveller when he's older.

Oh, yeah. I mean, he's going to be an intrepid lawnmower until he's paid off that $8,000, but until then. All right, 0800-DARLS-NM-9696. We want to know your best runaway. Where did you end up and how did it go down? We're talking about your runaway efforts after the 12-year-old in Australia got to Bali

and everything before Mum and Dad were alerted to where he was. Spent a few days there before it all happened. So we want to know your runaway effort. Some text messages in on it. My mum and my sister had a misunderstanding about her horse. She took it as mum was selling the horse. So she packed a bag full of food, some toilet paper and the essentials and decided to ride the horse to Greymouth to be with dad from Christchurch.

How far did she get? 20 minutes. Because she realized, mum realized, so she went after her and found her shoe. She made it 20 minutes. Yeah, that's pretty decent. That's pretty good on a horse. How long would that take you on a horse to get to Greymouth from Christchurch? Depends which way you went.

Okay. But like where... The horse would also need a rest. Yeah, the horse would need a rest. Oh yeah, true. Yeah. Like would you take the roadside? Could you go the roadside the whole way? I guess so. It would take you a long time. But I mean, people must have. You could jump the fence and cut corners because you're on a horse.

Yeah, don't go on the train tracks though. No. Because horses can't outrun trains. Some other text messages in. When I was 11 I ran away after a classic Monopoly family influence argument. Oh, yeah, okay. Stayed at my auntie's house for a week. Oh, wow. My parents and her were in contact the whole time.

They knew where I was, but never came to get me. And it was an absolute stubbornness standoff. We don't have how that was resolved. Imagine auntie just wanted her bloody house back. Yeah. Georgia, you ran away. What happened? Well, I got really mad at my mum.

I don't know what about. So I packed my suitcase, packed all my clothes, got muesli bars that I thought that's what I was going to live on. And hid in this spare room in the wardrobe. I could hear mum calling Grandma, calling everyone, like wondering where I was. And I just planned to stay in there for days and just run out at night and get food. Where did you go wee?

Oh, well, the bathroom was right next to the spare room, so I just had to time it right. Right. They'd hear, like, phantom toilet flushes. Oh, I don't know. You don't think all this stuff. Yeah, no. And so how long did you last with your runaway in the spare room?

I was probably there for about four hours. Yeah, then you get hungry. Then I got bored. You get a bit of cramp. You get pretty bored in a small space. That's why being in prison isn't fun. Jules, you ran away? Well, small space. That's why being in prison isn't fun. Ah, things you call Georgia.

Jules, you ran away? Well, I stayed at a caravan park at Place de Pocatana Junction and I ended up caring for my three children while they went to work. Yeah, I just hung out, really. How long did you run away for? I was away for about three months. I got a phone call one morning and the caravan park came and knocked on my door and let me know that my mum was on the phone. And, yeah, that's the best thing.

What, did your mum take three months to notice you were gone or she just was enjoying some peace and quiet? My friend, they just couldn't find me. They just couldn't. Oh, my God. Were they terrified? They must have thought you were dead. My dad, because I have a son as well,

so I would have killed him if he did what I did. You had no fun. I had the best time of my life, I've got to say. It was great. I would have got a huge hiding after that. I got the silent treatment and therapy and all that, so I don't know what was worse.

Hiding's sounding dusted, isn't it? Yeah, it is, isn't it? Hey, Jill, thanks for your call. All good. Kane, how far away did you get when you ran uh so i was having a bit of an argument with my nan who wouldn't buy me lollies i'll do it myself and uh went to the two-linged town center on my little trike. Oh! I was like age three. That's a monopoly money because that works with the dairy, right?

Oh, no. Okay. Oh, that's the cutest thing. And did they come and find you? Oh, the Ball Square guy knew me. Yep. And, like, he gave Nan a call. Oh, he's gone.

He's gone. Bad reception. He didn't give Nan a heart attack. That's nice. He rang Nan, and he probably got some lollies out of it as well. Probably, yeah, he got some lollies. Because that's pretty cute. Someone text messaged in,

I was living in England. I was 13 at the time. I managed to get to Italy via the European train system. I crossed six borders to get to Italy via the European train system. I crossed six borders to get there and I had no trouble, never got stopped, never had anything that made me think I was going to turn around. How old were they? 13.

And then got to Italy. At 13 I hitchhiked from Huntley to Palmerston North. I got there because that was where Dad lived. I got there and realised I had no idea what Dad's address was. It was 11 o'clock at night when I got there. To Hunt where Dad lived. I got there and realised I had no idea what Dad's address was. It was 11 o'clock at night when I got there. To Huntley.

You don't often think about the end game. No, to Palmerston North. Oh, to Parmy. From Huntley. Oh my God. Either way, some parts of you wouldn't want to be at 11 o'clock at night. No, no, certainly not. Swipe Mears, the radio segment where the intro is as long as a segment. And I like it like that.

It is a part of the show where we hear from you about an unsuccessful online dating. This is usually through apps. Maybe the meeting's not what it was all cracked up to be, what the lead up was promising. Maybe it doesn't even get that far. To share this morning, her swipe me. Alex, good morning. Hello. All right.

So how did this start? Where did you match up? Yeah, I just matched this guy on Tinder. Okay. Pretty much I convinced my friend to come on a double date with me, this guy that I met on Tinder, and his friend. We ended up at this really nice restaurant in Mission Bay. I think it was like a Sunday afternoon, like the middle of the day.

The guy that I was on a date with proceeded to get really, really drunk. On a Sunday afternoon? Once on a date, a first date. Okay. Really nice restaurant and everything. So we thought it would be better if we went down to the beach instead of being at this nice restaurant because he was really drunk. Yep.

However, we went down to the beach. He started running around, took his shoes off, was acting like a crazy man. So we convinced him finally that we needed to go home. On the way to the car, he tried to steal this lady's belongings out of her handbag. What?

That took a drastic turn because I was just like, he's excited. He's like a little kid. He's taking his shoes off. He's running in the sand. That sounds like, in a way,

if you can use your imagination, you could almost paint it cute, but now he's a thief. Yeah, like that was a bit painful. I thought, well, it's a bit painful when you're starting to steal someone's belongings. I was like, I'd rather just run around the thief. Yeah, like that was a bit painful. I thought, well, it's a bit painful when you're starting to steal someone's belongings. I was like, I'd rather just run around the

beach. Yeah. So I got the stuff, we put it back, that was fine. Got in the car and then he vomited all over the outside of the car. Whose car was it? So his friend was driving, so it was his friend's car.

Oh. Yeah, so he vomited all over the side of the car. We had to drive all the way home with, like, bummer all over the car. Got home. Yeah. And then he started messing around by just saying that I was his first girlfriend. He was in love with me. Oh, wait, what?

Wow. Like, we had the same date? Now he's back to being like a four-year-old again. You're my first girlfriend and I love you. Yeah, exactly. Oh, my. Was his friend, like, embarrassed by him? Yeah.

Not at all. Really? Because he was sober driving. So when he's vomiting, what is his friend saying? He's not like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. No, nothing really. He just went with it. He's like, this is what it's like. Classic Pete.

Wow. So how did you, you're obviously not saying it again. Did you just politely decline? Yeah, so I just blocked him on everything. Yeah. It didn't happen. Wow. Imagine being blocked by your first true love girlfriend. Just like that.

Ruthless. After one date. Absolutely savage, Alex. Alex, you're going to hook you up with a Swipe Mears prize pack. Thank you for sharing. Thanks, guys. And if you'd like to register, you've got one of your own Swipe Mears you'd love to share. You can go to ZM online. ZM. So what are we going on since that big gusty windstorm came in and blew a bloody...

Oh, a couple of weeks. Sunder. A couple of weeks. Is a sundry a right word? What are we going on? Like, how long since? Yeah, how long has it been since? Has it been a couple of weeks. Couple of weeks. Is a sundry a right word? What are we going on? Like how long since? Yeah, how long has it been since? Has it been a couple of weeks?

Nearly a couple of weeks? The great storm of 2018. The great blustery storm. Are people still without power? I don't know. End of last week there were. There were still some people without power.

Yeah. Pretty shockingly. Yeah. People without power. Because yeah, a couple of days and people whinging. I'm like,

these guys are working as hard as they can. You know, give them a break. You know, they're dealing with everybody as quick as they can. But towards the end of last week, I was like, come on. Come on. Why do people got no power? Come on. So you will know if you listen to the show, I'm a collector of wood.

If I see a downed tree that can be used for fire burning purposes, I think, why pay? I've got this lovely chainsaw and I should get out there and gather my own. Because you smoke meat on a barbecue and you also have an outdoor fireplace. So you can burn any wood in the outdoor fireplace

but then there's only certain sorts of wood that are good for cooking with. Now Megan and I have told you off several times because you have gone to public parks where a tree has fallen down and you've put on a high-vis vest and you've chain-sorted up. Now that's illegal.

Because Megan and I have talked about this, we haven't established if it's illegal. It's a grey area. If I had a certificate saying I was a contractor I'd be doing some great free work. Right. Okay. Getting some wood out of it.

You're going to get in trouble, though. So my friend Chris is like, there's an olive tree down in our neighbourhood. Okay. In his neighbourhood, for some reason, they planted olive trees on the burn. Oh, la, la. Like, out on the main road, public.

Oh, okay. Does it actually, like, produce olives? Oh, one of them's got a sign saying, please do not take our olives. We wish to harvest them ourself. Who? The council? No, no, that's what the people in the house had written.

Oh. But it's not theirs. Well, that would be a contentious issue on the local neighbourhood face. Because it's on the council floor. Who owns these bloody olives? Right, okay. So there's an olive tree down. Google it up.

Olive's good to go. Most fruit-bearing trees is good to cook. Do you need a chain saw to cut those down? How big is an olive tree? It's down. Right, okay. It's down. That's his rule.

And I'm imagining it must have been down and across the footpath and onto the road. Right. Because it's been cut into very large but manageable bits. Like a couple of lads could have huffed them on. So around I go. Around I go. Oh God. You have no shame. Usually it's in a public park and you can because I wear a high-vis vest, you can get away

with people just being like, oh that'll be a council crew doing a clean-up. Because there was lots of trees down but no, I'm full of burning wood. I'm looking specifically for cooking wood. Because there was lots of trees down, but no, I'm full of burning wood. I'm looking specifically for cooking wood. Because council crews, when they're chopping down trees,

turn up in a Honda Accord. The workhorse of Smith cleanup business. Oh, right. I'm not allowed to use the Hyundai because I make a mess. So me and the Honda Accord go around there with a chainsaw. And I think if I'm going to be doing this,

I'd better knock on the door of the people whose house is outside because I'd freak out if all of a sudden the chainsaw was blurring on my front. So how far away from the house is this? It's just out the front of their house on the boom between their fence and the driveway and the road. And you just rock up and start changing? No, no, no. I knock on their door. This is so weird. I go changing? No, no, no. I knock on their door.

This is so weird. I go into the house. Oh, you're no shame. Knock, knock, knock on the front door. Freak them out. Of course. And I'm like, hey, would you have any objection to me cutting up the olive tree that's down Were you holding the chainsaw at the time?

No, I left the chainsaw in the car. I've learned it's best not to approach the front door with the chainsaw. Good. And two of them there and the older woman, the mum's like, yeah, that's fine. That's fine. Yeah, knock yourself out. It's been down since the storm. I'm like, oh yeah,

terrible thing. A little bit of light chat. Yeah. Terrible, terrible thing, that storm, you know, people are doing their cleanup as best they can. Yeah.

But I'm just going to grab some for, you know, cooking with. Yeah. She's like, yeah, yeah, fine. So I'm like, great. I'm just about to turn away. Mystery voice. Yeah.

Ask him for 20 bucks. I was like, where did the voice come from? Ask him for 20 becks. And it was this weird accent that sounded like someone, you know when you try to disguise your voice and you do a weird voice? You're like, who's that over there? It's not specifically a regional accent. It's just a weird Muppet-esque voice.

Was it one of the people that had already been talking to you? No, they were both there and their mouths weren't moving. Unless they were A-class ventriloquists and could throw their voice as well. Ask him for 20 bucks. What? I said, ask him for 20 bucks. Ask him for 20 bucks. Ask him for 20 bucks.

And I'm like, but it's not their tree. Then she says, oh, do you have 20 bucks? You're like, what for? The tree? Sensing an opportunity. And I didn't because I never carry cash. And I was like, oh, no, sorry, I never carry cash. Oh, it's she, the old lady, the mum who was looking after the whole situation.

She's like, oh, yeah, just fine, happy self. No, no, self no no don't worry about it just get out there no he doesn't have 20 bucks so i'm out there chainsawing and when you chainsaw you it's like mowing the lawns your mind starts thinking yeah really you should be concentrating on the chainsawing but and i just think what what what I got in my head so badly I need to see what this guy looks like I need to see

who the person was and I was like yeah give me give me a 20 bit so when I leave I just go

and I'm like oh thanks I'm just I'm off now I've pushed it all you know I've taken all the big bits I've pushed it all

it's a much smaller pile they'll be running a cleaner oh yeah thanks and I was like all right see ya bye so I still don't know what he looks like the mash came for 20 bucks what he looks like and it's I'm honestly it's burning such a hole in my mind last night when when I went to bed, I was like, what could he look like? What if it's not a he? Because it might not have been he. I asked him for 20 bucks. I asked him for 20 bucks. So there's a part of me

that wants to go back around with 20 bucks. Yeah. And they're like, oh, is the guy here who wanted 20 bucks? Because I've got 20 bucks. Oh, that would be worth it. So then they come out. I'll pitch in five. Thank you.

This is what I'm doing. I'm kicking off my GoFundMe. No, I'm not pitching it. He said he was going to pay 20 bucks. No, I... He said he was going to front all of it. You don't get to see the picture. Oh, I'll give you five bucks.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Producer's booth. You can't fund all of it. Three bucks each. And I'll chuck in the last buck. Deal. Why are you only paying a dollar? Because I'm doing all the hard work.

Are you all going around there? You've got to get a photo though. I'll try to get a photo. No, wear a GoPro. On my head? It would be less subtle if I had my phone on silent and I was holding it and I just started like recording and moved it around so I got a good... I want to see this. I'll give you three bucks. I was holding it and I just started recording and moved it around so I got a good...

I want to see this. I'll give you three bucks. Yeah, but what if I go, oh, is the guy here because I've got his 20 bucks? And they're like, nah, he's not home, but I'll take the 20 bucks. I'll be like, I'll come back later. You've got to come back later.

Or, oh, yeah, sure, I'll pass it on to him. Is that that guy with my 20 bucks? That's doing my head in. I wish he'd never asked for the 20 bucks It's really bad Ask him if he's got 20 bucks Just quickly, we mentioned yesterday That the Harwood of Cinema 2 had banned PJs and onesies

Yes That's been picked up now by the BBC And is now online at the BBC I do It's big news there in the UK That we've banned pyjamas and onesies from one of our cinemas. I do love when a kooky little story gets released.

It's so New Zealand, isn't it? Yeah, it is. All right, it's time now for... Fact of the Day! Day, day, day, day! Today's fact of the day is that in 2012, Pizza Hut released a perfume. Did they? And it was Odu Pizza Hut. And it was the fragrance that one gets immediately upon opening the pizza box.

You know when you open it and you kind of get like the dough and the cheese and everything. Hot cardboard. Yeah, hot cardboard. Do you want to smell like that though? I mean, you want to smell that. Yes. And then eat it. But do you want to smell like that?

I mean, anyone that's worked in a pizza place or has delivered pizza, you know that smell your car gets when you transport pizza? Not a fan? Do you know, I think other fast food places could branch out and like hot chips in the paper bag. You know, when you first open the paper bag and the hot chips are just like up your nose. Or Oda Nuggies. Oda Nuggies.

I love it when your car smells like fish and chips or something after you've had that. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Or KFC because that's the, when they crank the fan, the extractor fans in the kitchen and they're blowing that smell around like it's, it's like a burly trail. You used to live by one, didn't you? And if the wind blows the right way, yeah. You get feverish.

Like a pig looking for truffles. What are their... Are nuggies, the smell of nuggies... Oh, not really. Yeah, see, I didn't think it was the smell of nuggies. I thought it was the active... They've got a smell. Yeah, but I didn't think it was an overly attractive aspect to the nugget.

No, you're right. I thought it was the dip. Yeah, fair call. The taste more than the smell. Are you just doing takeaway? Because what about the bacon? Oh, yeah, bacon. Like, can't beat bacon.

I've got bacon-scented body wash. I've given it once. I'm too scared to use it. Because you don't want to smell like bacon. And I don't know where to get more if I really like it. See, I feel like it would be better for women to use that to attract men because I don't feel like I would find it attractive if someone smelled like bacon. But if a girl smelled like bacon, would you be into it?

I need to know. No. Oh. No, I wouldn't be. You wouldn't be into it? No. The smell of bacon. Yeah.

Lure you in. Some sizzling hot meat. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'd probably be into it. Because they reckon that's the hardest part about being a vegetarian. Bacon. Yeah, the smell of bacon. It'll draw you straight back in.

Someone will know, maybe. Oh, there's those bacon candles. I've seen how to make them online. You make the candles, but at some stage you actually put in bacon. Sounds like a waste. You're like bacon cooking fat. Like you cook bacon and then what's left over in the pan, you start a little collection.

Yeah, but sometimes I'll use that to make my scrambled eggs. Bacon fat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Kelda. I'm glad I'm not the only one that does that. That's actually a bit of a trick. Do you remember that time you were going meat-free, Producer Caitlin, and I made you and PJ scrambled eggs

And bacon Did you eat bacon? She didn't eat the bacon, I ate the bacon And they were like why do these scrambled eggs taste so good You fed her bacon fat It was the bacon fat Yeah that happened to me Actually you're the one that made me eat chicken too

When I wasn't eating chicken You said made me eat He's such a fan for the meat he's forcing it on everybody but it doesn't take you maybe the burger that time i was drunk i was like kayla would you like it remember that time we got dumplings and i was like oh we can't get we'll get the veggie ones you're like no we can have the pork you're the yeah, no, no. You're the worst casual vegetarian. No, I don't eat, I'm not a vegetarian.

I don't eat cute animals. So sometimes I just think, oh, well, that would have been an ugly pig. Wait, cute cartoon animals or cute animals? Cute animals. Real life. Because chicken and fish are really ugly. But pigs are cute, cows are cute. Oh, I've got to give you that.

Chickens look like dinosaurs. What about little baby chickens? No, you don't. Who eats little baby chickens? That's how they start. That's where the nuggies come from. No, they do not. One nuggy, one chicken. Nuggies is just an ugly chicken breast.

Mulched up. Mulched up with a bit of everything else. So today's fact of the day is in 2012, and by the way, it was very, very popular because people wanted to smell a pizza box. Or at least you could spray it round. Because that's what we do with the cheap perfume. Use it in the toilet to cover up a poo smell.

Yes, I do too. But then that ruins the perfume forever. But you smell something outwearing in a pub looking at it, but you smell like a big shit I took last week. Charming, charming. Matt, it would probably kill the pizza box for you as well. But today's fact of the day, in 2012, Pizza Hut released a perfume. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Let's do our best to keep it classy and keep it grown up, okay? Okay. Because we want to talk about moon cups. Now, moon cups are a new alternative to... Are they new? What's the origin of the moon cup? Well, no, they're not new, sorry. It feels like something that has been around by some ancient culture.

Yeah. So, kind of not new, but it's like a... What would be? Like a new fad kind of. Right. Everyone's taking it up now. The people that I've talked to that use them, Megan, anything but a fad. Yeah. They preach from the hilltop.

So an alternative to... Tampons. Yep. Cheaper, more hygienic, better for the environment. That's what they're touted as. We've talked about this before, haven't we? And it was kind of at that time it was news to us, wasn't it? Yeah.

Yes. I've since spoken to lots of women who swear by things. So it's just a little silicon cup or rubber or latex, and it just sits on in there and collects. Right, okay. Told you I'm trying to keep it classy. Yeah. But it's so lots of people getting on board.

I was like, maybe I should give it a go. Haven't yet. But it's been revealed that this could potentially cause toxic shock syndrome and could be put you more at risk than tampons. Because that's what has been going around recently is that tampons, maybe because of the bleach, the chemicals, I'm not sure, can cause toxic shock to women. But now they're saying moon cups can as well. Now, before I went into this, I thought maybe.

Is this just a tampon company scaring people? Yes. Big pharma? So I thought. Big tampons coming in and swooping in and waving it around. Is it the plastic? By the string? Like, is it the silicon?

What is it? So apparently it's the harmful bacteria that can remain on the cup if people don't wash it properly. It needs to be sterilised. Right. Otherwise it can cause you real problems. So, I thought I'd enlist the help of one actual Moon Cup user, Dani from The Office.

Hello. Hi, guys. So this can actually be worse for you than tampons. But I read the article and it's only like a couple of paragraphs. And to be honest, I feel like everything can kill you in this day and age. Yeah, you're right. I did a heap of research on it, and it's not a new thing. I mean, I think for the Western world, it's quite a new sort of like fun thing.

1932, a midwife group. And whereabouts in the world? It was the first usable commercial cup was 1932. A midwife group. And whereabouts in the world? It was the first usable commercial cup was 1937. I think it's just one of those things in the Western world, like you said, Megs, it's like a fad. So people are like, ooh, I'm going to get on the Moon Cup wagon. But I love it.

And I don't think I'll be deterred from using it. Is it cheaper? Is it cheaper? It's way cheaper. So I think mine was about $50. And what? Pads and tampons, they're about $10.

$50 for a tiny cup? I got a whole silicon bake tray and cook dish for like, Briscoe's half price. Well, granted. If you cut a muffin tray up right, you've got 12 muffins. A muffin tray? Oh my God.

A silicon muffin tray. Oh, sorry sorry a cupcake No mini cupcake But I think you work it out Over the space of six months It works out cheaper in the long run That's when you start saving How long does one last

Oh they say it can last for like ten years How do you sterilise it So you just get a cup of water and then you just Listerine. That'd be tingly. Give it a rinse again afterwards. I don't know, that peppermint might burn the vagina. Just a cup of hot water

surely. Yeah, a cup of hot water. And then you can scrub it with soap as well. But yeah, hot water. Okay. Would you have more than one? So you could like... So I was reading this article on the way here and they reckon that you should have another one, but... Because I was just thinking when you

sterilise baby bottles, you always have a few, so one can, you know, you put one to sterilise and you get a partially sterilised one. Because that's what I was wondering, reading this, are you supposed to have a steriliser for it? Isn't hot water sterilising? No, it's a bit more.

A bit more, yeah, but boiling, but then you might affect, because what's it made out of? Is it made out of a latex? It could affect the latex or silicon. Right, okay. Because it's just a hump back to a muffin tray. I bought a silicon muffin tray

and a very hot dishwasher and it misshaped it slightly. Which is weird because those things can't go in the oven safe. I know. Well, you should take that back to Briscoe's. I don't know. I don't think it was a Briscoe's one.

It was a cheaper one. Right, okay. Probably a cheaper one. Well, if you're planning on converting, just make sure you clean it properly because it can be just as dangerous as tampons apparently. I think it's one of those things like you just have to weigh up all your options

and whatever works best for you. You do what? Hey, it's your vagina. You do you. You do what? Hey, it's your vagina. You do you. You do what? You know it better than anybody else. You do what makes it happiest.