ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - April 29 2019

Episode Date: April 28, 2019

Vaughan got sheep and the goats are not happy, saying 'I Love You' and when did you consume something after you dropped it?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Thank you, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Morning. Good morning. Happy episode three, Game of Thrones day to you. An hour 22, right? Yes. And halfway through the final season after this, because there's six episodes. Oh, and the big, it's big, it's, how am I going to die day?

You've got, you've, you feel like they've got to because we're two episodes in and no one of major consequences passed, have they?

No. And they've done the big reunite, like, what do you call it? Reunion. Oh, Caitlin's fingers in ears. She hasn't watched

last week's episode yet. No, but the first episode was a big reunion of everyone. Caitlin, you spent the last six weeks of your life

catching up with Game of Thrones so you could watch the final season. With everyone. How have you not in the last week watched it?

My boyfriend's away. Oh, yeah. Are you waiting until he gets back to watch it all? No, he told me that I have permission to watch it

because he knows I can't not. When is he back? He's away for two weeks. No, no, no, no. No. You gotta watch that. No, not two more weeks. Two more weeks. Oh my god, no. You've gotta

watch it. No, no. Yeah, I will. I'll watch. I need to watch. I'm gonna watch the last one today and then the other one tonight. Okay, good. The one that, yeah. Is he saving it to wait till you're back or is he watching it without you? Well, I don't know if he's going to be able to watch it in Bali.

The Bali definitely doesn't have the internet. I'll have to tell him. Southeast Asian countries certainly not known for their pirate. I don't know. Well, he's boozing, isn't he? He's on a landstrip. He might not have time. You'd make time. They'll make time.

You'd make time. They'll make time. He's watching it without you. But then that's all right. You can make time. They'll make time. You'd make time. They'll make time. He's watching it without you. But then that's alright. You can watch it without him. Yeah. Yeah. Stay off anything online

from about one o'clock, when at one o'clock this afternoon. That's when it airs in the States, right? Yeah. It's going to be so many spoilers online. They are so quick in America with memes and anything. I swear the last episode

hadn't even ended and there was something online that I saw last week. And they don't even bother about spoiler alerts. Like the headlines will give you a spoiler. Yeah. Not cool. Not fair. Not fair. Not far. Alright you lot, listen up.

It's story time. Story time. Three news headlines. Vaughn and Megan picked one of the following three stories. Headline one, new way to leave the church. Headline two, man's bad reaction to being turned down. And headline three, dog loyal till the end. Now, is this leaving the church? Is this the physical leaving of the church building?

It's being kicked out of the church. Oh, right. I always thought it's pretty boring that they still just walk down the aisle on the way out to a song they should elevate through the roof, like how Jesus would have wanted it. Ascend to the heavens and the little roof opens and out they go.

But he's still outside. You guys didn't go to church growing up, eh? Yeah, I did. They were always outside waiting for you, weren't they? Who? The priests. Oh, yeah. Not waiting for you in a hunting manner, waiting for you as in like,

it'd be like, have a great day. Yeah. Because ours was Irish. Have a great day. Have a great week. See you next week. I'd be like, hopefully not, but you better nothing. See you later.

But, yeah, I always thought they should get out a different way. Maybe even like a little convey about. Go on like a little thing that makes it, yeah, a little platform that makes it look like they're floating. Flying fox. Like they get hoisted up and then they go, ah, and then they just fly a fox out the back door. Arms spread.

I was a Catholic, so they got money. We had money, we were spending it in all the wrong places. Let's get some more theatrics, because it's boring. It's an hour long. I don't know why it needs to be an hour long in 2019. You get told off if you shut your eyes for just a moment.

Everything took longer back in the day. We've streamlined everything. We should just be able to pop in, have 15, 20 minutes, out. Yeah. Get it done. It must be very hard these days not going on your phone in church. There wasn't phones when I went to church, but God, if that thing was beckoning you from the pocket,

phantom vibrate. So do we want that one? You better check me. Or, I don't know if I want three, to be honest, because that sounds sad. About a dog. It is a heart-wrenching story. A heart-wrenching story.

It's a Monday. It's a Monday. Story two is... Man's bad reaction to being turned down. I like that one. What do you want? Yeah. I'm okay. I'll I like that one. What do you want? Yeah. Okay.

I'll go with that one. Okay. I'll go with that one. I don't want him tarnishing the rest of us. I mean, men, we've had a pretty strength-free record for the last few years, haven't we? Not done anything wrong. Get it easy.

Had it very, been on our best behaviour as a gender. Go ahead, Corey. We go to Wisconsin now where a man has told police he set fire to a diesel fuel storage tank after being turned down for a date. The fire was reported at four o'clock in the morning. A sheriff's office news release said surveillance camera from a home shows a man damaging items on the property owner's lawn and setting fire to the diesel fuel in a storage tank, causing it to ignite. Why did you have a diesel fuel tank? I don't know.

On a farm. Was this on a farm? Yeah, it's in a farm area. Oh, right. It's not at the back of their house. Yeah, I was just imagining you just had a handy diesel fuel tank. They don't like service stations. They just, no, they get it hand-delivered.

They get it delivered to them. Wow. So, yeah, apparently he became intoxicated and was angered. He was unsuccessful in asking someone out on a date. Apparently, it was not disclosed if the property had anything to do with the person who turned down the date. Oh, well, yeah. that was a random act. Wow.

I'd assume they lived there, though. Because there's been a study that looked into what the greatest fear of each sex is, according to the opposite sex. So for women, it's violence from men is their number one fear. And for guys, their number one fear is embarrassment from the opposite sex. Really? So he obviously felt embarrassed

and a bit. Oh, he said something on fire. I thought fire was going to be one of the top things that they were scared of. No, well he wouldn't say something on fire if he was scared of it.

Moths. Their greatest fear. That's awful. Are they scared of fire or do they like it? Moths. Well, it's That's awful. Are they scared of fire or do they like it? Moths. Well, it's probably a love-hate relationship. Because they're like, oh, I love how bright that is,

but it's a little bit hot. I prefer a bulb, if I'm going to be totally honest. You can get right up to it. There's a moderate heat. But a fire, once you find out it's an actual fire, it's too late. You're too close. Fleshfauna Megan, the podcast ZM. Coachella

was not weekend, just been the weekend before, right? Easter weekend? And the weekend before. And the weekend before, yeah. It's spread over two weekends now. So if you don't get a good gram the first weekend, you can go back. Spend a whole lot of money to get a good one the second time. But the story out of it, given that we're a week out from

the Coachella ending, is apparently Coachella may be at the centre of a herpes outbreak. Hundreds of new cases have been diagnosed. 250 cases a day in the town surrounding Coachella since Coachella this year. It's just, yeah, okay. When do people have time? What do you mean?

I mean, sure, maybe camping, but when we went the last few years with friends and stuff, you're so exhausted. You go all day. You just party all day and then by the end of it, you're just like, I need sleep. See, I believe if Fletch wouldn't have the energy to get it down to it at the end of the day, I wouldn't

either. I know, it's like you're all people. Yeah. You're like, when would you have time? Fletch's cure for jet lag is sleep. Say no more. I sleep in Berlin some fun times and then falling asleep afterwards

but you're 250 cases a day there's a Herp Alert that's an app Herp Alert which sounds like

something in a Dr Seuss book or sounded perfect from a Black Eyed Peas song or you know the Herp Alert might be the

right Dr Seuss character. It's an app and it basically connects you to doctors and stuff and you take photos and symptoms and everything and they're like yes or no. Or yes, you need to seek further medical help or no. That's a good idea because how often do you get like a bite or something and you're just like, oh, my God, I'm dying.

Yeah, and you can't send your Mozzie Bites to Herp Alert. Specifically herpes related. Oh, right. I thought it was just an app for anything. No, it's for herpes because of the embarrassment associated to going and seeing a doctor in person about it. So you take a picture? You can take a picture, yeah. It'll get you

secure, private and fast diagnosis and treatment. You better hope that app never has a leak. Although there's no faces in there, right? No, I wouldn't put your face in it. Like, it's not a glory pic. No. It's not a selfie. Like, don't work an angle to make it look bigger.

You're there to get a diagnosis. Get the diagnosis. For other people to catch it, someone would have had to have been doing it with a flare-up, right? I don't know enough about it. No, we've talked about it on the show before, haven't we? Yeah. You have to have it at the time. I know it's in your system dormant, but you have to have it. No, we've talked about it on the show before, haven't we? Yeah. You have to have it at the time.

I know it's in your system dormant, but you have to have it. Yes, you have to have it. So, yeah, your point is it's quite reckless of someone. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Who was having a flare-up to still be like, I'm just going to do it anyway. And with the sheer numbers, that would have been at least a few people that were doing it with a flare-up. Because the shingles I had, that's technically, that falls under the virus.

Herpes. Falls under the umbrella of herpes. Right. So, but I don't have, I've never had a cold sore. Cold? Sore. Sloor. Cold sore.

No, it's not cold sore. It's cold sore. It's the exact opposite. Generally associated because you get run down with a cold and you'll get the sore because your body's run down. But yeah, it's the same sort of thing. It's the same weird virus, but it doesn't translate

to all those other spots. But then I asked the doctor if I'd touch that and then like itch my face. Touch your face. Yeah, no. Oh, right. No transfury,

but still my, my shadow just doesn't want to take the risk. Has she been, has she quarantined you? Yeah, it's been six weeks, but um. Has your rash like

completely disappeared? Like, or is there scars from your shingles? Oh, it's been six weeks. Has your rash completely disappeared? Or is there scars from your shingles? Oh, there's still a little bit there. Oh, don't touch it. Don't itch it. Have you heard of bio-oil? I have, yeah. Oh, magic, that stuff.

Magic, that stuff. Didn't you rid of my stretch marks after my pregnancy? Well, technically Sade was pregnant. I was just sympathy eating. Three Kiwi men are in trouble with Facebook facing a lawsuit that's been brought against them for selling likes. You know how you can buy likes? The things like people buy likes for Instagram posts,

you can buy followers, all kinds of things like people buy likes for Instagram posts, you can buy followers, all kinds of things. So Facebook are alleging in this lawsuit that these three Kiwi guys owned 33% each of a company called Social Media Series.

It was based in Upper Hart and the company operated the website Likesocial.co, currently undergoing maintenance apparently, and IGfamous.net, another of their companies. Social Envy operates the SocialEnvy.co website. And apparently, Facebook are saying they enriched themselves at the expense of Facebook and Instagram by $9.3 million.

Whoa. Whoa. Like, that's how much people want likes. They're willing to buy them. So were those people in New Zealand buying likes

or was that an international? No, I think they're just running international websites. Anyone can log on and buy them. But I mean, these are some

of many websites. There are so many websites out there that you hear of people doing this all the time. I'm just trying to think of how that costs Facebook money. Well, because people aren't buying actual promotion. They're just buying likes.

Right. But it would also be undervaluing promotions and money that people spend. But Facebook would still be getting their money. They're just trying to make themselves look better to the people who spend money to advertise on Facebook, right? Yeah, I'd say. Because you know those advertisers that, you know when you see now you're watching a video on Facebook and about a minute into a three-minute video,

it cuts to an ad. Yeah. So what they're saying is that those ads would have been used. I'm just trying to figure out how it costs Facebook. Because it devalues their product, doesn't it? Yeah, but the likes are fake. How does the average advertiser know that? Instead of

paying to promote a post or whatever, they're just buying the likes that they wanted to get. So they're not paying Facebook to promote their stuff. So therefore, if you want the likes, you'd have to pay Facebook so it gets promoted. See, if I was Facebook, I'd be keeping on the download

because it shows that it's a totally swayable thing. Because you can get very specific results for your advertising, can't you? But then this is just showing that not really because they can be swayed. And this was purely businesses, right? Like people aren't doing this for personal pages. Are they? W, are they?

Were they? No, if they wanted an upgrade in their Fijian resort, Megan, to get the best photo, more followers and more likes would be. Yeah, it says here that you can, prices ranging from $10 to $99 a week using PayPal. And that would just give you photo likes, followers, whatever, anything. So I've got a wee graph here. I don't know if this is just this business's price sheet, but it goes from 500 page likes is $35,

1,000 page likes is $65. There's a discount, a promo on at the moment. 2,000 page likes was $130. It's down to $119. That might be their most popular package. It goes right up to 10,000 page likes was 130. It's down to 119. That might be their most popular package. It goes right up to 10,000 page likes is $429. But then you see people online, like on Instagram, that have all these followers.

They put up a photo and like 100 people like it. But you've got like 50,000 people following you. And have these people not heard of boobs? Is that pretty much? That's a like machine right there, aren't they? That's why they need to buy the... That's a like machine right there, aren't they? That's why they need to buy the likes.

They might not have boobs. Oh, yeah, true. I was going to say, what would the dude equivalent of boobs be? What is the guy equivalent of boobs? Just six packs.

Six packs. Hopping hot. Okay, those are hard to get so I can understand. So for $5, you can buy less than a gym membership. And then you've got the gym membership

But then you actually have to go Don't you? Yeah And does it bring the same satisfaction Knowing that You've paid? You've paid They're not real likes

I don't think so It's all pretty sad isn't it? It's a false economy That is pretty sad People who still say P-S-E-M-radness Are going to come out And force me to talk about this

I hate it when people say that It's P-S-E-M-radness It's P-S-E-M-mad No Well if someone's offended by it Then you should Take note But then

Okay I know what you're going to talk about My problem with this Is that everybody loves these Crazy One person says it Oh it's going to happen And then it's going to happen!

And then it's time for, and then newspapers print it, and then they print it, and then somewhere down it's like, this person who said this is crazy, but they're in an institution, but they don't mention that till later, and everyone gets really angry at the headlines.

Okay. I think we've got to stop doing this. We've got to stop selling these crazy hypes. Well, it is one human resources expert. So it's not a crazy person. It's someone who works in the industry. We met people in human resources. Nuts. So they have said that physical contact rules could be changed in the UK.

And they think it's a good idea. And I thought it was for sickness. Right. So they're talking about shaking hands. As simple as shaking hands could be banned. No physical contact. And it's because of the sexual harassment suits. Employers are trying to avoid sexual harassment suits.

With a handshake? Well, they're saying... Is it like the lingering fingering and you just run it up there? I don't know. The lingering fingering. You just run it up there. Well, I guess any physical contact right down to handshakes are going to be awful.

Oh, I'm going to go to HR if I get a limp handshake. I've had a couple lately. Disappointing. No, but sometimes it's hard. You don't come in right, and then they get your fingers. I hate that. When someone grabs too early, and it makes me feel like I'm doing the limp handshake.

State that you want to start again. Do it again. Can we do that again? Okay. Whack, hit it hard. Someone said to me recently, your wife'm doing the limp handshake. State that you want to start again. Do it again. Can we do that again? Okay. Whack. Hit it hard. Someone said to me recently, your wife's got a hard handshake. I was like, good.

No, she does. She means business. She doesn't muck around. I'm going to start doing that grab and put my hand on top. Oh, the rotate. And then you grab their arm. So, yeah, you can do that thing where you shake and you twist your hands on top. But then my father-in-law does a thing where he grabs your arm.

So, your handshake and then grabs just in father-in-law does a thing where he grabs your arm. So you handshake and then grabs just in front of the elbow. And eyeballs, yeah. I like to come in, grab the hand, twist them around, put it up against their back and say, hello, nice to meet you. They remember you always. You're like, it's been a while. Then right in you're like, this is an HR complaint to you.

He hurt me. Hey, it's how I shake hands. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Good morning. Good morning. Today's Top Six dealing with the fact that there is foam pouring into the Waikato River. Very unusual. People who were playing, I don't know if they were playing golf,

but they saw a stormwater pipe at the northern end of the St. Andrews golf course. Foam pouring into the Waikato River. Questions were raised and the source is being searched for. Huh. Hmm.

Sounds like some school holiday shenanigans. It flowed down the river to Pukete. This is the worrying thing. A regional council spokesperson, Wendy. Voila. No.

V-A-L-O-I-S. So, wa. Voila. Wendy. Voila. This is the most disturbing. What? I imagine she sneaks into the office behind you and she's like,

Voila. Where's Wendy? Voila. So Wendy Voila said that this is the most disturbing part of the entire thing. She said to be cautious when drinking the water. Don't drink the water. Don't drink the water. Don't drink that water out of there. No.

Don't. Don't drink water out of that river at that stage. Yeah. Otherwise you'll be You'll be windy. You'll not be well. So don't.

I wouldn't recommend that even when this all clears up. But they're searching for it. So the top six sources of the foamyness in the Waikato River. Number six, your mama had a bubble bath and pulled the plug into the river. You did not. Because she's fat. You needed to hit it harder.

You needed to hit it harder. Your mama. I'm not very good at this. Let me try again. Number six,, fat mama. You don't say fat, because it kind of speaks for itself. One more time. Number six.

Yo mama had a bubble bath and pulled the plug into the river. No. And because she's so fat, there was lots. Why are you doing Christopher Walken now? It's weird. Number six. Yo mama. No. Yum, mama. No.

Anyway, you get it. You've tried. You've never been very good at those. I feel always real bad. Like, don't treat someone's mum into this. Yeah. She's got nothing to do with it. She's all right.

She'll defend herself. She's on the bigger side. She probably knows it. She doesn't need to be reminded. It's not for us. Number five on the list of the top six things that are causing the foamingness in the Waikato River. Freedom bloody campers. Yeah. Washing their dishes

in the gutter. And then it flows down. Yeah. And using too much detergent. Always use too much detergent when I'm washing the dishes. Bubbles bloody everywhere. Isn't it carcinogenic? It'd not be. I eat off those plates. Number four on the list of the top six things that are causing the foaminess in the way of the river.

Someone's going to slip and slide into the river. Because that always got very bubbly. Remember at the end of your slip and slide, if you'd gone a little hard on the detergent, bubbles would form and your dad would be like, God, no, you're going to kill the lawn. And then worms would be coming up. You'd be sliding down and then you'd be like, What's that?

You'd look down and there'd be sliding down and then you'd be like, what's that? You'd look down and there'd be like a squished worm on your leg. You'd be like, back up for another one. Number three, in fact, once we used washing powder

to get foam in us. Okay. How'd that go? If I can be completely honest, I've got a very sore penis. Well, I think a bit got up the end. In the hole

Yeah No I don't know if it was Like a little grain of it Or just a very Might have been that Is it a bit of caustic soda in there? In dishwashing tablets But also caustic soda in the clothes washing

I don't think so Well you should have got a sensitive one It was like the early 90s So there would have been no sensitivity to it. Yeah. It was big grains from a huge sack. Rash up? Did it heal up okay?

It stung for a while. Okay. Yeah. I didn't think it was going to fall off. When you're a kid, even when you're an adult, everything about your penis worries you. Number three on the list of the top six things that are causing the foaminess in the Waikato River are a foam party wash down. One of those classic Hamilton bar foam parties.

Yep. Just like the rest of the filth left on the dance floor from a Waikato club, it all gets high pressure hosed to wash away down into the river, which is a real shame. Is that just a secret way to clean those clubs? The foam party. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then everyone like rubs against the walls. You're like, more rubbing on the walls.

Who wants to sexy dance on the floor? That's it. Mop that floor. I mean, dance on that floor. Number two on the list of the top six things that are causing the foamingness in the Waka River, giant tunny fars had a shave. Check the stubble around the riverbanks because they never clean up properly. Just give it a quick wipe down, but they always miss some.

You'll always find some stubble later on up on the riverbanks there. And the number one thing for today's top six things that are causing the five minutes in the wake of the river, it's chemicals. It's definitely chemicals. Probably very abrasive chemicals. I don't know what kind of chemicals. Bubbly ones.

But yeah, that's a river, not a toilet. You can't just be chucking chemicals into that river. It's very blue at the start of that river. Yeah. Very blue when it's leaving Lake Taupo. But when it gets to Hamilton, greeny brown with the odd dead goat floating in it, which upsets me greatly. But that is not a toilet.

That is a river. Please stop doing that. That is today's top six. Fleshfauna Megan, the podcast, ZM. In case you missed it, Taylor Swift has a new song out. It's called Me! With Brendan Urie from Panic at the Disco. But her fans, we know, are very loyal and full on.

And they have created a scam. Swifties. Some of the, yeah, Swifties. Suzuki Swifties. Well, no, if they are huge fans, they always drive a Swiftie as well. So they've created a bit of a scam. It's a fake deal to get people to listen to the song. So it's called MeBucks.

Hashtag MeBucks. So they want you to listen to the song to get it to be number one and the most streamed and break all these records and everything. But it has, hasn't it? It has. Yeah. So it makes you think that you're going to get

a free drink if you listen to the song. Hasn't it had like 50 million streams already? Yeah. So Lady Gaga's fans did it as well. They called it Shallow Bucks.

Right. Why are they doing this? Because they're so into it. But Starbucks have nothing to do with this. No. So Starbucks, their to do with this. No. So Starbucks, their only pop partnership recently was with Ariana Grande. They did a cloud macchiato and she promoted it.

Remember the whole she's a vegan but she was promoting a cloud? Yeah. That's legit the only pop partnership. So if, I mean, I don't know if anyone's believing it in New Zealand. So what, people were going into Starbucks and what trying to get a frappuccino? Trying to get a free drink. Yeah. I'm listening.

And Starbucks are like, cool man, what's your name? My name's Sarah. Five minutes later coffee for Sarah. And all these fans are now tweeting, I got mine, go and try it yourself. Hashtag me bucks at Starbucks. Holding up a drink and you just believe that they got it for free.

Meanwhile, Starbucks are pretty stoked secretly at all this free promotion. Yeah, because once you're in there, they're like, well, no, it's not a deal. Ah, I can't have one anyway. Yeah. But the Starbucks Twitter account said, this is not a valid Starbucks offer. The screenshot is fake. To confirm any Starbucks promotion, you can check your Starbucks app.

Oh, now we've got to download the Starbucks app. I'd love to see if their sales spiked, like in the last two days. Just on the back of the slide. Because you're too embarrassed once you get to the counter when they say it's not real. So you just buy it anyway. You just buy one. Taylor Swift with Brendon Urie from Panic! at the Disco. It's me on ZM.

I'll tell you on Spy soon how many records that's broken. And produced, co-written by Joel Little. Yeah. Kiwi guy. Produced it and got co-written. Do you know I saw him the other day on my flight? He wears compression socks. Loves compression socks.

That is not what I thought you were going to say. I doubt a man is a compression sock wearer. No, because you know I had that deep, the deep vein thrombosis. Yeah, so you should be like, I'm bored. He just isn't wearing long socks. Because you think on his goodnight nurse days he was a punk rocker and they wore a high sock with a low shoe. I didn't want to say anything, but I saw him.

But did he mention the big stuff happening in his life? He just said it's been a big couple of days. I was like, yeah, good on you, mate. And you're just staring at his compression socks. But I wanted to ask him about his compression socks. He'd be flying business these days. You need compression socks up in business?

I don't know. But this made me think, maybe I need compression socks. I'm honestly surprised you don't have them already. Yeah, well, it's a big question. What do you get, a 2XU, do you? I can't believe that's what you were going to ask Joel Little, you know, at this point. Well, I'm not going to ask him about the Taylor Swift thing. I'm not going to hassle the man.

Yeah, he's like, oh, a couple of big days, open-ended. You're like, compression socks, interesting. Well, you know, you've got to ask. You've got to ask these things. You've got to ask. I might send him a message. Whoa, whoa, you were running. What type of compression socks are you wearing?

Do you want me? I'll ask him. Okay, sure. Oh, he's online right now. I'll ask him right now. Oh, my God. Fletch wants to know what type of compression socks you wear on flights. Or were they even compression socks?

Were they even compression socks or a new fashion? And does Taylor Swift wear compression socks? I'm not asking that. That's been asked. We'll have our answers on compression socks. So goats. Let's talk goats because I've got some and they're great. And you guys will love hearing about them.

Fact. So got two goats, Harold and Helen. They're great. I put a little, we went away for the weekend. I put a little security camera in the corner of their goat house so I could see what they were up to. I saw this. And then one of them was like, no spying in this Airbnb.

Knock and knocked it down, which was a bit rude. What were you going to say about that? they were up to. I saw this. And then one of them was like, no spying in this Airbnb. Knock. And knocked it down, which was a bit rude. What were you going to say about that? No, I was just going to say, I stayed in an Airbnb and the whole time you're just like,

is that a camera? Yeah, I think you've got reason to worry. From what I've heard about what you did in the Airbnbs, you should definitely, I would have done one of those you should buy one of those wands you walked right into that i did i did um you'll be able to spot that yeah definitely

they beep like the movies okay all right so uh but i got two sheep as well um that have since been named i drenched those you would have been impressed. I had to like pick them up like a shearer and grab their front. I grabbed them. My brother was there and he was like, and I was like, oh, don't get a bloody care of this. Get them up.

And you have to roll them backwards and then they relax. And then you can give them a pat. And then you're like, open up, champ. And then you give them a drench. I like how every time you do something manly, you have to like make a statement about it. Yeah, tell us.

I'm wildly insecure. Yeah. And I don't want to make a statement about it. Yeah, tell us. I'm wildly insecure. Yeah. And I don't want to be a disappointment to my forefathers, who were all hardworking men of the land. Yeah. Not so much me. And so yesterday, after the quarantine period, I thought I'm going to introduce these hoofed creatures to each other.

Surely a sheep and a goat. While I know that they're not, you know, a goat is more like a dog in a paddock than a sheep with horns. Yeah. Much more like a dog. I wouldn't have thought that. I wouldn't have known that until you got guys. No, no, they're very, very smart.

Much more like a dog. So I thought I'm going to introduce them. So put them into the same paddock. And for a start, they were like looking at each other like, what have we got going on here? And then Harold and Helen started getting a bit silly and showing off and I was like, you two just relax. Like, you're going to scare the newcomers. Then the goats

started herding the sheep. Like, I don't think we're missing a trick. Not training, you know like the dog trials where you get dogs to like, get in behind and they put like the sheep in the pen, like on Babe. I'll put it into context so you can understand. Remember the movie Babe the Pig?

Like that. But goats were very, very good at it. But then they were racking the sheep up and they chased the sheep and the sheep were a bit dumb and they tried to run through a fence and then they were like, doof, hit the fence. So I had to separate them and then I had to sit Harold and Helen down for a chat about picking on new kids. Remember I said to you when you start like talking to them

and they, are they talking back yet? No. Okay. They're goats. That's for the best. about picking on new kids. Remember I said to you when you start talking to them, are they talking back yet? No. Okay. That's for the best. When they don't talk back. But Megan and I are slightly worried. Yeah.

Like you put up the goat cam. Yeah. When that cam could have been on your house securing it. Yeah. Well, there's other cameras on the house. I was just like, this one could be used for a cuter purpose. Okay, right. So I kept an eye on the goats. But you're just,

you're getting a bit carried away. And how much time are you spending spying on your goats? Oh, no, I'd only open it up when the notification came through on my phone

that there was movement. Right. When they come into the house, they do a little turnaround and leave. Very interesting, the life of them. So are they just always

going to be fighting now? No, I've got them separated again. Oh, right. Yeah, and I've separated the kids. They can't be trusted to not fight. Are you going to talk to the sheep? No, because you can't

get close enough to them. Like I've said before, they're dumb. Sheep are particularly stupid. They're not clever like goats. I was to pick a favourite. Goats. My daughter's asked me to rank of all of our pets. Because that's the other thing. Someone brought up the other day, we've got two cats, two dogs, two goats, two sheep now.

It is turning into a petting zoo. Good Lord. And I was asked to rank my favourite and there was family outcry at the fact that I put the goats at the top and refused to rank the rest. So I'm not picking favourites at the rest, but the goats are definitely my favourite.

What a great podcast so far. Wouldn't you agree, Fletch? Yes. And it's all thanks to Spark. Get one gig of bonus data with the Spark U25 pack. Now, back to the podcast. I saw this on the news last night, and to be fair, it's good to have some a bit more lighthearted stuff happening,

a Kiwi story that was like one of the front runners on the news last night. Well, it is a story about taxpayers' money. Yeah, so lots of people were outraged that a million dollars was spent on slushy machines for the prisons. Not for the prisoners. Not for the prisoners, for the prison guards. But this is essentially a frozen Coke machine.

Yes. Yeah. So I've been reading a little bit about this. Okay. Now, there's 193 slushing machines. Why so many? I guess you can't just have one central slushing machine because everyone would be leaving their post to go to the slushing machine.

And then you know, like, it takes a bit to freeze. So one would be operational. Oh, and if it's anything like a soft serve machine, it's broken. It's broken today. Go to the next one. How much were the slushie machines? I've worked it out. They're $5,181 on average each.

That's an expensive slushie machine. So all up it was $1 million? Yeah, $1 million. Okay, $1 million. How many zeros is that again? Six. Yeah. What are you doing this for?

I've worked it out. Oh, have you? That's what I just said, $5,000. No, have you worked out how much each taxpayer? Oh, no, no, no, no. That's what I've just found. How many taxpayers there are in New Zealand? Oh, have you? That's what I just said, $5,000. No, have you worked out how much each taxpayer? Oh, no, no, no, no, I haven't. That's why I've just found how many taxpayers there are in New Zealand. Oh, how many taxpayers are there? Well, you carry on.

I'll just do this. Because I bet it seems like it's going to be quite a simple equation because it's both in the millions. But you just knock a whole lot of zeros off both of them. Zero equals 27 cents each. That's all right. I'm happy to pay. Are you happy to pay 27 cents?

Yeah, I'm okay with that. So the prison guards are cool on a hot summer's day? I pay 30. They're not only cool, the slushies have got electrolytes in them to keep them hydrated. Because you know when they have, this is another thing.

Yeah, I've never worked in a prison, but I imagine it's a pretty hard job. It'll be testing. Yeah, very testing. And I don't think it would pay. You want to bash someone around the head with a stick on your belt, you're not allowed.

I know, we can't tase them. Just can't rough them up like the old days. I don't imagine they're, like, always nice to you either. Prisoners? Yeah. Well, I don't want to jump to any conclusions, Megan, but they're there for a reason. Yeah.

Wasn't being polite to officers of the law. So this is a very interesting thing. They have to wear a six-kilogram stab-proof vest at all times while on duty. So you imagine that's like wearing one of those weighted vests at F45, except you don't put it on Instagram every time you do it. So then they also have to have, in the summer, prisons, a lot of them are old, and they don't have great air con. No, that would be a luxury, wouldn't it?

That would be. So that's what they have to do. They also, yeah, it got so hot in the summer of 17, 18, which isn't the summer just been, but the summer before, that they had to take all these steps that they hadn't had to take before. Right. But wouldn't it be just easier to get a water cooler and, I don't know, just some thermal drink bottles?

They provide crushed ice mixture, including electrolyte replacement mixtures, for staff to consume when required to reduce core body temperatures and excessive heat conditions while minimising the risk of sodium depletion from dehydration. Okay, so that sounds pretty fancy. Hmm. I mean, I just, how much is this? Hey, we've got the model numbers.

We've got the model numbers, so we're going to be able to Google exactly what they were. They must be massive industrial. SM Slush to Express. Oh, okay. All is one word, SM Slush to Express. I'm just Googling now. Is it 2TO or T?

Oh, it just looks like. What? Don't say it. That's the two bowl system. SM Slush. Ooh! It just looks like one you buy for your hen's night. Yeah, and you put some margaritas in there.

Oh, really? They shouldn't be that expensive. But then how am I like... Because that's the thing. Do they get a bulk deal? It's like getting a soda stream. That's when you start churning through the liquid. The flavours. I bet I could have got a good find online. Especially for a bulk deal like that. That would be good. Because bet I could have got a good find online, especially for a bulk deal like that. That would be good.

Because then they could have said, well, we've spent a million, but we could have spent two million. Thank you to Megan Papadopoulos for saving the taxpayers 30 cents each. Right. This was on the news last night. And of course, some people aren't happy. Simon Bridges has hit out at what he calls the government's $1 million slushy fund.

He says it was irresponsible and wasteful. I would not be at all surprised if it's prisoners as well who are getting their lips around these slushies. We spoke to a former prison worker who wanted to remain anonymous. Simon Bridges is welcome to go put on the eight kilogram vest and try and walk around in the prison with about 60 prisoners in the unit, see how he feels after, you know, eight days in a row doing that. Slushy machines at nearly $6,000. When Mount Eden, for example, has 20 of them, some of them I understand don't even work anymore, that's out of control.

Oh, yeah, it'll piss off most stuff because um a guy like simon bridges probably hasn't got the guts to come into the prison and wear the vests like we have to it's just so good it's so good is it good because they have to use that thing yeah well he doesn't want to because next time he doesn't want to bang the new boss that's and i also enjoy the fact that there's a bunch of them that aren't working already. Or the slushing machines.

It's just like the soft serve machine, isn't it? And when Simon Bridges said it'll be the prisoners getting their lips around the slush. I hope no one's putting their lips on the slushie.

No, you don't go straight from the slushie. One, hepatitis. Two, brain freeze. Yeah. You take it straight from the Slushy machine, you're going to be... Yeah. You're going to be...

You know what? I'm happy my 27 cents has gone towards that if it's going to make their work day a bit cool. Are they using metal straws? I hope there's no plastic straws going on in there. Oh, good call. No, but you can't give prisons metal straws because they stab each other. They'll sharpen it and stab

someone and then it will nicely drain all the blood out. Like a really nice quick way to drain blood out. With a plastic straw you try to stab someone with it, it'll just fold over, but it'll go up the turtle's nose. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. I would like to know what you've eaten

after you dropped it and where you dropped it. Oh, you're gross. So I always eat stuff off the floor because especially if it's my floor, I'm like, oh, I cleaned that today. Two second rule. And you just, you know, like I've never gotten sick off it or I've never been able to identify that I got sick off it.

Or like you've just cooked dinner and you've dropped it so you try to salvage some because otherwise. If it's mushy, maybe not because it's got the germs are going to stick to it because that's how germs work. Yeah, they only stick to mushy stuff. If it's dry, it doesn't pick up any germs. Oh, practically, yeah. Yeah, but

I haven't been feeling well. I'm a bit congested. So I had a wee bath because I love my baths. I had a bath and I took in there my water bottle and some vitamins. And I was like, I'm going to lie down. I'm going to have my vitamins. Oh, what a treat.

You should know how to treat yourself. Lie in a bath and have some vitamins. Wow. Slow down with all the luxuries. Did you try a lemon honey? No. You should try a lemon honey. Great combo.

Yeah. Cure what else and grate some ginger in there. There we go. No, I watched Riverdale. Does that count? Like treat myself? But I forgot about the vitamins. You get a bit of vitamin KJ if you know what I'm saying.

Yuck. That's weird from you. It's grim. Was it this part that made it weird? Yeah. But I forgot the vitamins and this is imperative to the story because I got to the end of Riverdale

so what's that? 45, 50 minutes. In a bath. Yeah. Oh, I spent like two hours in the bath. Are you going to keep topping it up with hot water?

Yeah, a little bit. How often? When are you turning up? How long are you topping it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I've given myself a two top up limit. Oh, really?

Two top up limit and then if it gets cold again I've got to get out. So yeah, I could spend two hours in there. Oh God, I get so bored. I do 10 minutes, I'm like, I'm over this. No, it's wasteful if you don't let the water go cold.

Yeah. That's how my mind works. If you run the bath, you've got to get your minute per liter out of it. Yeah. So a long time had gone by that I'd been soaking in the bath, and then I forgot that I hadn't taken my vitamins. So I picked up their little capsules with the sticky, like, capsule stuff on the outside,

picked them up, dropped them in the bath. Okay. And pulled them out and they started to dissolve and I was like, well, it's technically clean. Like, cause it's... Well, it's your filthy bath water. And then I took them. I drunk them. How long had you been in the bath for?

About an hour. Too long. Nah, there's a lot of skinny, a lot of like fart. Yeah. How was your fart in the water? Dead skin cells. Genital wash off. Yeah, genital wash off.

Like a chemical. It's mine though. That water is the Waikato River and you're a farmer and you've just. And you know how capsules, they'd started to dissolve. They'd gone sticky. But I was like, well, there. That's what happens about halfway down the throat. Expensive vitamins.

I've just sped up the process. Fast forwarded that. So I took them and then I was like, oh, hang on. That's a bit. It's probably on the grosser end of the things that I've eaten. So I would like to know, maybe to make me feel a bit better. Okay. What you have eaten after you dropped it.

And where did you drop it? Especially, you imagine you drop a really expensive steak or something. You can just put that in the pan a little. We put it back on the pan? Is it cooked or is it raw? You've cooked it. Just put it in for a quick sizzle and it's all good. Just drop it on the floor? Yeah. Oh, it's fine.

Just pick it up and eat it. Okay. I don't know if I'd risk another sizzle, Megan. You don't want to take it accidentally into medium territory. You want to stay on the rare side of medium. Yeah, right. Okay. I charcoal my steak, so it doesn't matter. The most testing aspect of our friendship is that you ate a steak. Well done. Maybe it was

some expensive food. You dropped it and you ate it. Or where did you drop it that was pretty grim? Yeah, and you have to make a decision. You're like, hmm. I've seen someone eat a chip out of a spa pool. That was pretty gross. How many people were in the spa pool? How many people?

There was like three of us in the spa pool. Motel spa pool or own spa pool? Own. It was like a private spa. I got a skin infection from a spa pool, so I'm not eating anything out of there. Yeah, but that was at a rank Airbnb. Like, you don't know what's been in there. Like, this person could speak for their chlor of that. Yeah, but that was at a rank Airbnb. You don't know what's been in there. This person could speak for their chlorination program.

Yeah, right. Before you get in anybody's... But just go get another chip. Take some chlorine testing strips with you if you're going to go anywhere with it. Yeah, and if you press the jets and it's like foamy and coated, don't... If you push the jets and you hear the spa go... If you have to put your hand in to kind of get the skin

layer off the spar pole Don't get in there. That's not healthy. Alright well 0800diles.me you can text 9696 What did you consume after you dropped it? The grosser the better. I mean I don't know if people are going to admit to that but sure why not We want to know what you've

picked up off the floor and ate, because maybe like Megan, you don't want to waste Yeah, exactly. Now this might be an autocorrect on the text machine. But it says bitten bitterballen, is that a thing?

Am I just... Bitterballen, yeah. It's a Dutch bitterballen. It's like a meatball. Oh really? Yeah. Okay, so I dropped the bitterballen that I just cooked intoitterballen, yeah. It's a Dutch bitterballen. It's like a meatball. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay, so I dropped the bitterballen that I'd just cooked into a freshly run bath. I stood there all sad. My wife scooped them out for me.

I really wanted them, so I chucked them back in the deep fryer. I was hoping this would help get rid of the soapy water flavour. It worked. They still tasted delicious, no regrets. Fresh bath. Were they in the bath eating bitterballs? Well, they were going or maybe retreating to the bath to eat a Bidden Ballin'. Bidden Ballin'. Bidden Ballin'.

So good. Meatballs in the bath. It's like a meaty gravy situation. Eat and then get in the bath. What is wrong with people? It's a Dutch meat-based snack. Yeah. Right.

You simply must try. I'm on board. Caitlin, what did you drop on the floor, pick up and eat? Georgia. Oh, hi. Hi. Caitlin, what did you drop on the floor, pick up and eat? Georgia. Oh, hi. Hi. What did I call you? Caitlin. Caitlin, it's her. No, we've got it. We're going to talk to another Caitlin. So, Georgia, what did you pick up off the floor

and eat? Yeah, well, it wasn't me who dropped it. It was at high school and we came back from PE and there was a load of cinnamon donuts on the floor and all the other girls thought it was gross, but I just thought it was a waste of doughnuts, so when they weren't looking, I picked one up and ate it.

But not in front of them because you don't want to be doughnut girl. Oh, hell no. You don't want to be judged. I was already awkward and chubby, so I did not need that. No. When you picked the doughnut that you ate out, was it the one that was touching the ground the least, like kind of half-boosted by another donut?

No, they were all on the ground, and I had no idea how long they'd been there for. They could have been there for the whole hour we were in PE. Were they those like real, you know when you go, is it the Orbit donuts? The little stores? Was it those? Yeah. It would be like, is this a trap? They're just sitting there. Like a hidden camera show. Yeah. Oh, God, I love those. I got them, though. It would be like,

is this a trap? They're just sitting there. Like a hidden camera show? Yeah. And they're just waiting for someone to eat the donuts because that would be me. What's going on?

That's the one that relates to dropping it on the floor. A little rubies. Georgia, Caitlin, what did you pick up and eat off the floor? When I was seven, I went to a Video Easy,

and, you know, at the mat, like, at the counter, where everyone stands on to, like, pay for the DVDs. Yep, yep. A soggy McDonald's fry that wasn't mine. Oh! How old were you? I was, like, seven. I was real young, but my brothers just cussed me out.

Like, they just were, like, so rank. And I guess to this day, you're still sog cussed me out. Like, they just thought I was so rank. And I guess to this day, you're still soggy chip girl. Oh, definitely. Definitely. They'll never let me live it down. Every time I get knackers. Did you, like, give it a blow? Like a...

Nah, just fill it. Go straight in, eh? Straight in? Like, not even a wipe. No. Wow. Caitlin, thanks for your call. Ryan, what did you pick up and eat off the floor?

I was cleaning up my car and underneath my son's car seat, I found an M&M and picked it up and ate it and realised it's probably been about a week since he'd last had M&M. When you take out your kid's car seats out of the back of the car, how does everything get under there? Everything's under there. It's pretty filthy under there. Was it still delicious, Ryan?

It was. It didn't have that kind of crunch that it normally has. Oh, really? It got a bit soft. Was the M still on it or did it fade off? No. No, the M would definitely have disappeared. Well, the M was probably licked off by the kid

before he rolled it under the car seat. Ryan, thanks for your call. Some of the text messages in. I witnessed a colleague of mine drop her spag bol leftovers on the floor of the staff room. Scooped it up with her hands and put it in a bowl and put it in the microwave. She was so furious but obviously hungrier

because she ate it after it had been microwaved. Yeah, but you're microwaving away the germs. Or you're multiplying the germs with microwavable rays. Yeah. You're giving the germs superpowers. Radioactive powers. Yeah. Somebody else said I was on a full day horse trek.

In brackets they write alone. In brackets. It's a spooky element to it. And they dropped their spag bol on the horse? No, my horse sat on my only sandwich. So I kind of unsquished it and picked off as much hair and dirt as possible, but I still ate it. The horses just sit down.

Yeah, they sit down. Any animal needs a little sit down. Why do you think I've ever seen a horse sit down? What? Unless it was a trick horse. No, like lie down on their side. You know they don't sit like a dog. They don't sit on their back.

Oh, that's how I know they're sitting. They like lie down on their side. You know they don't sit like a dog. They don't sit on their back. Oh, that's how they like it. They like lie down. They like go down and they lie down. But they're away for four days. Why don't they only have one sandwich? A full day. Oh, I thought you said four days. I was like, whoa, four days alone.

You want a wash with one sandwich. It would make an epic movie. But even on a one day trek only one sandwich yeah what if disaster struck you always pack a whole lot and then you get back to the car

you're like yay no disaster hum hum hum I'm making my surprise yeah eat it all

somebody said my kid got a kinder surprise at the supermarket unwrapped it promptly dropped it on the floor it broke they sat on the floor and ate the bits off the floor

I just pretended I didn't see them. I was just like, I don't know. Who's kidding? ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Caitlin has had a moment. Her boyfriend currently overseas in Bali. Is it a lad's trip?

Yeah. I had a good chat to him about this lad's trip. What? Before he left. Pardon? I had a good chat with him. You don't really want Vaughan to have a good chat with you. Why? I told you not to chat to him about this lad's trip What? I had a good chat with him You don't really want Vaughn to have a good chat with you I told you not to talk to him

We had a good chat I knew him before you knew him I chatted to him before you chatted to him Yeah but I kissed him I kissed him too My kissing was a no strings attached What did you say? Oh just like how's it bro

And like mean You're so lame I'm not lame I'm cool So how long is he away for? Like two and a half weeks And when did he leave? Last week And even like when it was just us lads chatting

He never like said anything Untoward. He wasn't like, you know, Caitlin's not going to be there, so I'm going to be able to look at other people in togs. Oh, no, I'm picturing it. No, he didn't say that. No, he actually said that. He never said anything like that.

He said to me that, because it's him and his best friend, that they were actually going to have a really relaxing eat, pray, love, like barley holiday. No, I know, they're drinking a lot. But they didn't, you know, they weren't going to get up to shenanigans. What part of Bali is he staying in? Well, they went to Kuta for one day,

but they're in Ubud at the moment. Why was this whole Kuta for one day? Kuta is just like, yeah, it's all bikinis. Oh, okay. So, yeah, they're not. There's a surf brand in the 90s called cuda lines oh yeah and then that was pretty cool pretty cool so wait is he gonna hear he doesn't listen to our podcast he's not gonna hear this okay okay so how many have you been talking every day yeah messaging yeah well've been messaging. Or messaging. Yeah, well, I've been, I was away in the weekend, so I wasn't able to chat to him on the phone, but like messaging every day.

And most of the conversation was like, I miss you. Like, oh my God, guys, it was so cute. I'll just tell you real quickly. Okay. Yesterday he sent me this video, and it was of like, what are they in Bali when it's all the green, what are they called? Trees.

No. Rice paddies. Rice paddies. Yeah. And then he was like, wish you were here. And he was like scanning. And then there was this big light up sign and it said, I miss you. And he obviously was like, found it for me.

That's pretty cute. And then he asked me what my favourite animal was. And I was like, you're going to bring me back a monkey or something. So I don't know what that is. He's going to get a huge tattoo. No, he's not allowed any tattoos. Right. Well, anyway, what we wanted to talk about was what happened at the end of the phone

call last night. What happened? I couldn't really hear him like it was because I was at the airport. So it was like kind of cutting in and out. And I was also saying goodbye to some of my friends. So it was like kind of cutting in and out. And I was also saying goodbye to some of my friends. So it was like all a bit of a rush. And I was like, babe, I can't really hear. I've got to go.

I'll talk to you later. And I was like, okay. And I literally was about to say love you bye. Like I actually got half of the love out. And then I was like, later. Yeah, because we haven't said that yet and I don't like,

I don't know if I love him so I'm like. But you know how. But saying love you bye is different to saying I love you, right? You can sneak away a love you bye

before you can say I love you. but not if you've never said it though. And not in person. It's your official three months in a couple of days.

Oh my God. On the first of. People get married official three months in a couple of days. Oh, my God. On the first of May. People get married in three months, hey? No, but I'm just putting it in perspective. Thank God he can't hear this. We said I love you by three months. Oh, no. Did you?

Oh, yeah, but you're weird with your emotions. No, I'd never said it. No, I'm not weird with my emotions. I'd just never said it to anybody, so I was holding off. That's me. That's me. I don't know if I'm in love. But did he hear you say it? Like, what was his reaction when never said it. No, I'm not weird with my emotions. I'd just never said it to anybody, so I was holding off. That's me. That's me. I don't know if I'm in love. But did he hear you say, like, what was his reaction when you said half the love?

No, it was hopefully, I don't know if it was, I don't know. We haven't spoken, so, yeah. You didn't get a text afterwards being like, what'd you say? Nope. We haven't said anything after that. What do you say at the moment? I really, really like you. No, we're just like Wish you were here

Miss you Kisses Okay But no We need to know But I feel like Like it's not enough I want to be able to be like

Love you But I don't know When do you know If you're in love Well I just say Just then you said It feels like it's not enough To say the other words

Yeah When it's not enough When you say love, you have to have babies and get married. Why don't you and I do an Instagram poll and then just go with that? Oh, my God. Like, am I in love? Yes, no. Should I say love? The moment this happens, you have to tell us.

You don't have to get married and have babies when you say I love you. Like, Fletch drops it real quick to most people. First day. First day, yeah. Okay, how does that go for you? He gets what he wants and then he's like, Chokes, have my fingers crossed. Don't love you, don't love anyone, only myself.

See you, go to my face. Ain't got no time for this. Right, okay, so stand by. You've got to say it in person the first time, though. Yes, 100%. Don't say it on the... They're not. Don't text yet.

Yeah, because you have to look them in the eye and it's real weird and it's yuck and then what if he's like, oh, thanks, and then like... Oh, thanks. Oh, thanks. Yeah. And then he'll just have to get down on one knee. Like, it'll be really awkward. Why does he have to get down on one knee?

To propose to me. Immediately? Yeah. No, I'm kidding. Oh, my God. I'm kidding. I'm going to take a slight change of tactic on the show here. I'd like to know what's the worst reply you've ever had to someone saying I love you.

Oh, my God. Okay. Cool, thanks. Because I'm just imagining cool thanks. Cool, thanks. Like, what is the worst thing when you've either said I love you to somebody or they've said I love you to you? Yeah.

Reply-wise, what's the worst you've had? Okay. Cool. Or just pretend to be asleep. Is that what you do? They're like, Fletch, we're having a picnic. You're like, well, what happened? I fell asleep. Sorry, it'sch, we're having a picnic. You're like, well, what happened? I fell asleep.

Sorry, it's my hours. I fall asleep easy. What were you saying? It better not have been anything. I said I look... Sorry. Yeah, what's the worst reply? Oh, you want to take some clues now?

Yeah. Okay, 0800DARLS.M, you can text 9696. The worst reply you've had when someone said I love you. We're talking about awkward replies

to when you finally said or maybe when you too quickly said to somebody I love you. Caitlin almost said it to her boyfriend on the phone last night.

He's currently overseas but wants to do it face to face first time. I don't think there will be any she's talking to someone on the phone I don't think

there's going to be any resistance. She doesn't know if she's ready to say it yet as well. So that probably indicates maybe not yet then. But we want to know the awkward replies you've had to when you said I love you. Somebody said my dad always just says thank you whenever I say dad I love you. Your dad? Yeah, your dad should be like

love you too. It's not like he's not sure about it. Yeah and then one day dad's going to let the damn emotion down and it's going to be like I bloody love you too but it's not like he's not sure about it yeah and then one day his dad's gonna let the damn of emotion down and it's gonna be like i love you again i never said that i love you um the first person i ever said i love you too said uh is it okay if i don't say anything at the moment and then rolled over and went to sleep oh my god uh My ex said to me after one month, I love you. I said, oh, shit. That was the words that just slipped. They just trembled out of my mouth. I'm sorry.

That was meant to be an internal thought. Somebody said at the end of a one-night stand, the guy said, I love you. I said, don't be so ridiculous. We don't even know each other's names. And he didn't. He didn't know my name. Marsha, somebody said I love you to you. No, I was actually on the receiving end.

And I was so excited. I was like, I've finally fallen in love. I had butterflies in my tummy. I could not wait to express my love for this guy. So I basically said, I love you. And I was so excited to hear it back. And he said, oh, thank you. Yeah.

So it wasn't even, oh, thanks. I basically went, um, all right. All right. He even started it with a groan like. Yeah, probably not good if they start with a groan, is it? Thanks, Marsha. Kyle, you said I love you or they said this to you? Yeah, I said I love you and she replied that she slept with someone else.

Well, like immediately, you're like, I love you. She's like, I slept with somebody else. Yeah. She's like, this has gone too far. Too far. I've slept with someone else. Wow. And that was the end of that then, Kyle?

Yeah, pretty much just turned around and walked out. How long had you been with her? I was with her for five years. Oh, wow. So it took you five years to say I love you? Yeah. Oh, to be fair, Kyle, you're slow on the uptake there. Surely you knew after a quicker time than five years.

Well, it was just out of the blue, really. He was working up to it. Some five years of workup. Easy for everyone. But, I mean, better that you know then than in another five, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. All right, thanks you, Kyle. Ali, somebody said they love you to you?

Yeah, and their reply was a high five. Oh, no. So you said I love you and he's like, up top. Yeah. High five. High four tower. Yeah, we're not together anymore. Oh, right.

How long had you been together when you said I love you? So it was like my first love. Yeah. And I can't really remember but I think it was like maybe about six months. Right. Did you ever get an I love you from him?

Yeah, but he was a douche. See, that's the thing. The first person you want to say you don't want to feel like it's wasted. Or that or just that or if you say it once and it doesn't work just chuck it around like nobody's business.

Yeah. Sam, what happened? Well, I said, I'm still with this girl now after nine years. When I first thought, well, I suppose I thought I loved her. Yeah. Oh, no. I said that I loved her and she said, oh, that's nice. And I sort of thought, well, yeah, this is nice.

I was hoping you felt the same way. After nine years, we got engaged probably three months after that, when she finally realised that she thought she'd tell me that she loved me through text. Bit of face to the face. Which is just typical of the youth these days. But, you know, we've been engaged ever since, and I still haven't saved any money to get married.

So we'll just carry on with Garda. You're a romantic man, Sam. What a blight. I am. I've got a big heart, but I'm pretty cold. Sam, thanks for your call. No worries. Cheers, eh?

Some other text messages. Somebody said, I said I love you to somebody, and they said, yeah, I don't know about that. Somebody else said, oh, I love you, and my immediate response was, I can see right up your nose. It was just a, I needed to feel the silence, and it was just what popped into my head. Somebody said, I love you.

And I replied, yeah, I love me too. Very lovable person. People thinking they are getting around the situation because they said, I said, I love you. And he said, I love you. And he thought because he didn't actually say love, that he circumnavigated it. And somebody else said, if you say, I love you, it sounds like you're saying I love you, And he thought because he didn't actually say love that he'd circumnavigated it. Right.

And somebody else said, if you say I love you, it sounds like you're saying I love you, but then you can still say you haven't said I love you. Because I said I love you. Are you testing the water to see if you get it back? Yeah. You're not trying to trick someone into it. I don't know.

That's a weird one. Somebody said I love you. And I said I love you and I said, I like you a lot. And same dot, dot, dots in between all the words. Somebody said, I just kept pretending not to hear it whenever my boyfriend that I've been

dating for three months would say, I love you, and I was getting out of a car and I just shut the door behind me like I hadn't heard it. I told my now partner I loved him and he went, been cool. I told my now partner I loved him and he went Big call Do you know what you're dealing with? Big call Yeah, somebody said I'd hooked up with a guy a few times

Who insisted during the throes of passion That I tell him I love him I'd be like I like you lots You're very like you I like you He'd say just say love And I'd be like

Oh, just say like Like works'll be like I'll just say like like works for me. No need to rush into it. I like you. Producer Caitlin is this making you feel like any better? I'm so worried. I'm so worried. If you say it, he won't say it back.

See like he's got quite bad hearing, he'll probably hear it wrong and then it will just be awkward and I have to say it back. Well, see, like, he's got quite bad hearing. He'll probably hear it wrong. And then it will just be awkward and I have to say it again. Why does he have bad hearing? I don't know. He's old. He's like 34. Hey!

And, like, do I say it, like, in bed time? I don't know. Oh, my God. Just wait until he says it first. Because then you're like, oh, yeah. But what if he doesn't? Well, then it's not meant to be. If he doesn't say it within like a week, I'm breaking up with him.

What a week of when he gets back. But you just said you don't know if you want to say it. But you're forcing us to say it. It's my birthday. Friends listen to our show. Yep. I'm going to put $10 down now that you do it when you're drunk and you're going home. You just get home Yeah, I know we always have real D&Ms when we're drunk

Yeah What about stuff stuff and things no he left my key at home once. Oh. That was so bad. We can ask her if it was something serious. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is as we head into our winter in the Northern Hemisphere experiences summer,

and you can expect to see drunk seagulls in England. Oh, okay. There is one day of the year where ants, and this isn't like June 30. It's not like a calendar day, but there'll be a day where the weather situation gets optimal. Yeah. And all the flying ants will migrate. Right. day where the weather situation gets optimal and all the flying ants will migrate. Right. I don't think I knew

that ants flew. Did you know? Flying ants? Flying ants do. Flying ants? Have you never seen a flying ant? You've been overseas and you've been like, bleh. That's like a big old ant and it's got some wings. It's a flying ant. So the flying ants, they all emerge. Yep.

I don't know how nature does this. This is amazing, isn't it? There's an alarm clock. Well, there is an alarm clock. It's like a natural alarm clock. But something happens, a temperature must be reached or humidity or something like that, and all the ants are like, off we go. Today's the day.

They come and they fly around. Well, seagulls eat them because they're so plentiful. And due to the fact that they contain formic acid, which I've Googled, and it is most notably a natural occurring acid in ants. That's kind of what I found out there. Right. So they eat the acid, and that pretty much removes their inhibitions.

And they get drunk. Seagulls get drunk on ants and acid. Try and get chips at the kebab store at 4 o'clock. And they do things like fly into windows, like fly into the side of parked cars, like try to go under a wolf but smash into the side of it and then drop into the ocean, sometimes killing themselves, sometimes just shaking it off and having a laugh and getting back up.

Right. But, yeah, this sort of mass migration of the ants, it's about two weeks. Starts on one specific day and that's when the seagulls start getting drunk. And then it'll last you about two weeks of this migration-y stuff where there's so many of them

that the seagulls can eat heaps of them and get high. How far do they migrate? Like how... Just do different... So I think they're going to go to one part of the UK. Yeah. And then they just spread back out. Oh.

Over the UK. They don't migrate like all the way to the southern hemisphere and northern they just spread back out oh over the UK they don't migrate like all the way to the southern hemisphere and northern hemisphere yeah right they're not like they're not migratory birds

right they're not like I want to go to Paris even more like after your chippies because you know you get drunk you want chippies

yeah it's kind of a cross between being drunk and high so yeah they definitely want chippies they'll be coming in they'll be like the boof

you'll be like give one to that one he's boof. You'll be like, give one to that one, he's drunk. He needs to sober up before he goes home to his wife. Where have you been? Don't talk seagull around here, mate. Oh, you've been eating flying ants with your mates again, have you? You got chipple around your mouth.

You're said to be home by one Do I? You said to be home by one. Yeah. I'm bloody home, aren't I? Nothing I do is good enough for you. You and your

Molly Hawk mother think you're better than the rest of us seagulls. Molly Hawk. Us common gulls, eh? You think you come

from such a prestigious bloodline? Well, you bugger of home, you Molly Hawk. That's one for the people who know the difference between seagulls. I just call them big seag for the people who know what those big seagulls

are I just call them the big brown ones yeah the big brown seagulls called molly hawks so today's fact of the day is

there's a two week period in the UK where seagulls get their buzz on by eating flying ants fact of the day day day

day day do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Day, day, day, day. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Went and stayed with the father-in-law on the weekend and the girls woke up and he said, when the girls wake up, just send them upstairs.

Yeah. I'll get them some toast. Which is big for him. Yeah. It's big for him. And he's like, I'll put something on the TV. Putting toast in a them upstairs. Yeah. I'll get them some toast, which is big for him. Yeah. It's big for him. And he's like, I'll make him breakfast. Putting toast in a toaster.

Yeah. Right. Buying bread. Yeah. It's big for him. Yeah. Doing anything for anybody else. It's big,

it's big steps for him. Yeah. So on Saturday morning, they woke up and when we went upstairs, they were watching How to Train Your Dragon, which they love the movies of.

They were watching the series on Netflix. I was like, okay, this is cool. And he's into it and they're talking about dragons and everything yeah and then yesterday they went up and i um heard this music i was like man if that's how to train your dragon they really stepped up their musical budget i listened a little bit more like quite uh monumental like like orchestral orchestral but then i heard heard a voice and I was like, that voice sounds familiar. And then I leaned towards the door and I could hear upstairs, I could hear the voice of Sir David Attenborough.

We've been on this planet. I can never do that on demand. The accent. So I was like, oh, and I listened and it's Our World. I was like, ha. I gave her a note because I've watched the first two episodes of Our World. And we've talked about it's been quite controversial. Yeah.

End of episode two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm listening and I thought the start's pretty good. They kind of go around. Only fish are getting eaten. And then it was like, and then flamingos land. I was like, okay, I've got to get up there now because it's going to need some pre-empting.

Because if you haven't seen it. If the flamingos die, haven't seen it yet. Only one. Well, it maybe actually confirms the death. Right. Of the flamingo. But there's one and he's got like salt all settled around his legs and he's trying to walk and he's like.

Like a margarita. Yeah, like a flamingo margarita. Yeah. Okay. Except. Yeah, I only drink enough margaritas and the salt will make you legless as well but he had it settling around his

like concrete boots in mafia movies right and he can't walk so then he gets left behind and well we don't know

what happens so I was like that's okay because flamingos are August's favourite animal too so I had to be careful there

so I went up and I was like well there's so many I was like yeah but you know it's nature they're not all going to make it

kind of like padding for the bit and then I went and got ready and episode two rolled in and I was getting ready and I walked upstairs and it was like and the sea ice has melted so there's not enough room for the walruses. I was like, hey!

So I was like, it's nature. I want them to be familiar with the fact that not everybody makes it. Even adults, for those that don't know, the walruses go up the cliff and then they can't get down and they just fall to their death. It's quite... And you see them splatter.

I've seen that clip online, even though I haven't watched the show. It's horrific. Yeah, but people who were filming it were like, it's the one time they felt they wanted to step in and do something and stop them. And they were like, I've got about a minute until they start jumping. So there was a deck of Uno cards and I was like,

what have you kids done with all these Uno cards? And I started throwing Uno cards in other rooms. I was like, can you come and, guys, can you just help me

come and find these Uno cards? We're packing up to go. Can you come and help me find, and I was just walking ahead of them throwing Uno cards in all these weird places. And then I heard Father Arnold be like, whoa. And I was like, I must have got to the part with that.

Yeah, right. And what's he watching? I was like, well, don't worry about it. We're going to find all these Uno cards. And he's just literally walking to a room and I'll be like, Uno cards over there, Uno cards over there, Uno cards over there. And I'll be walking around with him and be like, how did these Uno cards get everywhere?

And they're like, you're scrying them everywhere. I was like, am I? Who knows why? Definitely not to distract you from the horrendous thing going on on the television. But then this is my father-in-law who showed my wife like Pet Sematary and The Exorcist and a bunch of horror movies before she turned 10.

So he's making steps in the right direction. He did show his five-year-old and two-year-old grandson's Jurassic Park because they love dinosaurs. He's like, I've got the movie for you.

No, show them Barney. Or Land Before Time. Yeah, yeah. No, Land Before Time's quite sad at stages too. I'm just trying to think of a dinosaur one where they make it out alive

but it's kind of historically would be inaccurate, wouldn't it? Yeah. They all made it out alive. But, yeah, he's getting better, obviously. No Stephen King books turned into movies thus far. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. The top 50 sexiest accents in the world have been ranked. That's crazy, right?

So Big 7 Travel is a website, and they asked 7,000. There's 7,000 languages around the world. So they polled a whole lot of people to say, what are the sexiest accents? And I believed it was not a ranking so much as you had to chuck in what you thought. Okay. And then from there, the poll evolved. So there's 15. It's pretty hard. 50th. I want to give you the bottom ones as well as the top thought. Okay. And then from there, the poll evolved. So there's 15.

It's pretty hard. 50th. I want to give you the bottom ones as well as the top ones. Okay. 50th, Croatian. I'm just trying to think.

I don't, I've never been to Croatia. I don't know any of the Slavic. It's like a Slavic accent. So it's, it doesn't mean anything to me. No, we've never been like

the Czech Republic. Oh, okay. Down there, that sort of area, that sort of area. That sort of Eastern European-esque, slightly different accent. I mean, they can be extremely hot, but are you saying their accent's not? Well, their accent's not.

I'm not selling it for them. I've got to make up for it. Okay, right. With other areas. Romanian also down there. That's 49th. Right. 48th, Thai.

Okay. Apparently described as hugely tonal But not hugely sexy Right 47th Pakistani Right 46th German Wow Because they always sound so angry

Yeah Okay well let's jump to the top accents Because we're up What are you on? Top 10 Okay No spoilers No spoilers

But we're up there Top 10 Brazilian Portuguese Hot No one's arguing that right? So they're saying But we're up there. Top 10. Top 10. Brazilian Portuguese. Hot. No one's arguing that, right? So they're saying that it differs from Portuguese because it has strong Italian influences. So you're adding Portuguese and Italian.

Yeah. Two very sexy languages with an accent. Wonderful. Ninth. US Southern. So like a Texas draw. Wait, is Californian? No, no, no, that's Californian. No, I know, but is Californian on the list above that?

No. So you'd go, surely you'd go Californian before a Southern accent. But they're talking like Texas Southern. What is that? Like really? Howdy, y'all. That's like Kelly Clarkson. I mean, love Kelly, but...

She's southern, like anyone, Texas. Yeah, but don't go too far across to that middle hillbilly accent. You're more, you're real. Come along with me, sweetheart. Would Taylor Swift be... No, because she's over there, the side, she's Tennessee, but she's more of us got rid of hers as well. Yeah, okay.

So it's a bit of a textual. Eighth is Spanish. Can't really argue with it guys speaking it girls speaking it no but these are so we've already done Spanish and Brazilian Portuguese those are like hotties

oh what about the language of love and it's even France the French oh oui oui of course so we're getting all the hotties out in the lower part of the top ten though sixth

Scottish oh that's pretty hot. With the right person speaking it. Is that what Gerard Butler is? Yes. Yeah. Yes. I was about to say

with the right person speaking it. And then like on the female side of things, is it Kelly MacDonald? That's got a beautiful Scottish accent. I don't know who that is. Oh, you'd recognise her face. Oh, okay. Right.

She was the voice of Merida in Brave as well. Was Sean Connery Scottish? Yes. Billy Connolly. Billy Connolly. Was also Scottish. Yeah, right. A comedian.

Yeah. It's a nice, I really like it. Yeah. Some people struggle to understand it. It's quite nice. Fifth, Australian. Ugh. They're saying.

Oh, no. So they're saying the thing about the Australian accent Is the words are pronounced long and slow But then skip the end of them completely Right It's only hot when one of the hymns Speak Yeah that's the thing is that there's heaps of hot Australians

So nobody dragging it up Fourth is Italian So there's one of your really sexy accents So I don't We're getting top three now And we still haven't been on the low But what else So there's one of your really sexy accents. Yeah. So I don't, we're getting top three now. I don't know what. And we still haven't been on the list. But what else?

You've got your Italian, you've said your Portuguese, you've said your French. Well, a turd place could be none other than the Irish. Yeah, okay. Irish. Do you find Irish sexy though? I just always, I don't want to say actually. It's cute. Yeah.

It's a really cute accent. Do you think of Ronan Kading? No, I was going to say I sound drunk even to say actually. It's cute. Yeah. It's a really cute accent. You think of Ronan Kading? No, I was going to say I sound drunk even with this over. Like drunk and singing. That's Amy. Jamie Dornan's really done a thing or two. Oh yeah.

But you very rarely get to hear him say. That's how you just say it. No. Oh yeah. No, but in 50 Shades. Okay. In 50 Shades he's American. Oh yeah. And then when I remember when I Okay. In 50 shades, he's American. Oh, yeah.

And then I remember when I went and interviewed him and he spoke and I was like, oh, that's right. You're Irish. Welcome to the red room. I need a moment. Close the door on the way in. Oh, yeah. Grab the turd door.

Grab the turd thing from the turd shelf. Number two, and it's not us, South Africans. This is a bet. No, Trevor Noah is South African? No. Trevor Noah. No. Okay, South African is not above any other thing on that list.

When Trevor Noah speaks, it is. No, not above Portuguese, Brazilian. It's got to be on Spanish. Not when Vaughan does South African. That's like chappy South African. Yeah, I'll do a very sexy South African. No, that's not nice. Hey, baby, come over here. Hang on, I'm just

going to close my eyes. Go again. Welcome to Johannesburg. Home of, I don't know, scrap metal stealing, Mr. Sweetie Man. Are you just naming everything from that movie? Yeah yeah District 9 Well I've never been

We love rugby Matt Damon played for our team once Nelson Mandela Springboks Springboks No it's not Sausages It's not done it for me

Meat Got the braai on. Oh, egg, if you're going to go to the toilet, make it known, okay? Don't sneak off to the toilet in the middle of the night. You should get a shot through. That fell out of South Africa there. Yeah, it did. It is some sort of Sydney, Lebanese.

Right. Accent there for a bit. And the number one is us, Kiwi. We're number one. We are number one on the sexiest accents. Oh, yay, that's pretty cool. We're all good. I mean, obviously not Simon Bridges,

who spearheads the New Zealand accent at the moment, doesn't he? Simon Bridges has hit out at what he calls the government's $1 million slushie fund. He says it was irresponsible and wasteful. I would not be at all surprised if it's prisoners as well who are getting their lips around these slushies. Ooh, listen, that's quite a sexy line. We should have every accent saying,

getting your lips around that slushie machine. Getting your lips around the slushie machine. That doesn't work in this. Irresponsible and wasteful. I would not be at all surprised if it's prisoners as well who are getting their lips around these slushies. I want to cuss your lips with my lips and also some of my tongue. Not our teeth, though.

Not our teeth. How is it the second you say it? What is wrong with this list? It's terrible. I know it's a really weird list. We just sound real rinky-dink' a bit slow when we're overseas. Like when you hear a Kiwi accent pop up on TV or in the movies amongst... Yeah, it's real crazy.

He's the greatest example, all those American accents, and he does corg and it's just like... Cute. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint to listen to subscribe on the I heart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hit music lives here.

ZM.