ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - August 02 2018

Episode Date: August 1, 2018

Vaughan has found how to fix his back for free, Don't Get Fletch Started and what do you normally eat before getting to the supermarket checkout?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. You can stay connected with free Wi-Fi, a gig a day, on the $19 Spark prepaid rollover pack. Enjoy. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. It's two minutes past six. Good morning. Morning. Vaughan hasn't even unpacked his headphones.

No, I was just watching. Have you seen this video that's doing the rounds of this Australian, this 18-year-old Australian soccer player? No. So she's playing a game of football. Yeah. And somebody turns around to try to, like, boot the ball, and it just smacks her straight in the face from, like, right in front of her.

And it knocks her out. Like, she's down on the ground and she gets up. She's got a broken nose. Blood's pouring out. But she gets up, gets some stuff up there, gets on with it. And they're comparing it to that dude, that Neymar.

And how long he rolled around on the ground floor like a little baby. And this girl's just like straight up and straight back into it. and she wore a ball in the face compared to Neymar's little whoopsie-daisy. Who did literally, yeah, got tapped. But he was trying to get a penalty. Yeah, but she was just about getting on with it.

There's something so Australian about the way she jumps up. What's her last name's carpenter? Oh, okay. Get on with it, bloody break my nose, put my nose back into place, and away we go. So she just gets in.

The misfire. Yeah, the misfire. Listen up, it's story time. Story time, three news headlines for three news stories that I've found, and you've got to pick one headline. That's how it works. For those that are maybe new to the show

and haven't heard story time before. Headline one. I've only been doing it for four and a half years. Unbelievable. Hey, but thanks for joining us. Yeah, no, it's great having you. Headline one, Unhappy Hour for Bear Robbers. Headline

two, Blind Man Unaware. And headline three, Man Relieved to Save World's Longest Pleasure Pier. Pleasure Pier? Or just a pier. Oh save world's longest pleasure pier. Pleasure pier? Or just a pier. Oh, a pier. A pier.

Okay. They have them in the UK. Like a wharf. Yeah. Or a jetty. Well, it's a giant pier. It's a huge jetty because they have buildings on it. The pleasure pier, it's got merry-go-rounds and Ferris wheels and stuff on it.

I believe so, yeah. They used to love building an amusement park over water, didn't they? Always creeps me out because it's like, this is still just a wooden pier. Yeah. And the barnacles could be eating the wood. I don't know what barnacles eat. A pier. There's a lot on that.

Yeah. It's a heavy pier. Pier. I have forgotten most of the headlines. What was two again? Blind man unaware. Oh, yeah. Or unhappy hour for beer robbers.

That's number one. Or the pleasure peer. Man saving that, number three. Oh, the peer or the... Unaware. Either of the ones that rhyme. Is the homeless one sad? He's blind.

He's not homeless. He's blind. He's got a home. Is it sad? No. Yeah, I'll go for that one then. Okay. I don't want something bad

to happen to him. Okay, we go to Exeter now and a blind man has spoken of a terrifying ordeal which happened on Sunday night. Okay. Now, because of his disability, Yeah.

he was unaware of the danger that was lurking in his house. The blind man, Stuart, is 60. He touched a strange object several times in his flat. And it wasn't... Exit is in the UK, right? Yeah. And it wasn't until... Exit is in the UK, right?

Yeah. And it wasn't until his carer came the next day that they pointed out that what he had been touching and what was in his house was a gigantic snake. Oh, I was going to say snake, but then, like, I didn't know the orc had snakes. I'm showing you a photo. Apparently they do.

That's a big snake. Apparently slithered into his apartment, his townhouse, via the loo. Up through the loo. The plumbing. Yeah. Every worst nightmare. Every worst nightmare. Yeah.

Oh. Oh, God. Thank God he wasn't, my worst nightmare is sitting on it and feeling a little tap, tap on your bottom. A little tickle. Oh. Oh, God. Thank God he wasn't sitting. My worst nightmare is sitting on it and feeling a little tap-tap on your bottom. A little tickle. A reticulated python, which apparently at full size can be deadly. I don't know why that's not at full size. How much bigger do they get?

I don't know, but apparently a lot bigger. Yeah, so. How was he touching it? Well, he said he was laying in his reclining chair listening to music when the next minute he heard a crash, crash, and things began falling in the bathroom. In one minute. Next minute, sorry.

What minute? Neck minute. Thank you. In neck minute, he heard crash, crash, and things began falling in the bathroom. And he said after a while, he went into the bathroom to pick the things up. He thought the wind maybe had got through the window

and blown them over. A toothbrush, a glass, a bottle of bleach, shampoo had all fallen down. Yeah. He picked them up. He noticed, well, he obviously felt something.

He must be completely blind. He must have slight vision because he said he didn't notice something and thought it was insulation or something. He picked it up, but still didn't know it was a snake. And it wasn't until the carer came the next day. They rang the SPCA and Exeter Exotics came over and caught it for us. It doesn't make a sound like it's not going. No, check this out.

It's dangling off the shower. It's like probably about three metres long. It's good he can never see that. It came up through the toilet. Yes, the plumbing. That's the scariest part of that. I know. I didn't know that they, yeah, found in Southeast Asia...

Yeah, is it a pet? Did someone have it as a pet and it got loose? World's longest snake and among the three heaviest. Native to Asia. An extremely good swimmer. Natural diet includes mammals and birds. Oh, good.

People have been killed. Two reported cases of people being eaten by reticulated pythons. And it came up through the toilet. He's just touching it like, wonder what that is. Anybody that heard this is going to give the toilet another look before they sit down today. Yeah. Another look just down in the...

What's under there? Situation. Around the S-bend. Even to think that that is quite the girth of it. I was going to say, could you put like a grate on the toilet, but then the poos and stuff has to get out. The poos and the toilet paper will get blocked. Just thinking, or could you put a one-way flap?

You know, like a flap that only opens and you drain. Well, I mean, if there's any plumbers listening. Because where the, yeah, because the toilet drains to a different, I don't know. I mean, it's not something we have to deal with, but. Yeah, we don't have snakes, though. I mean, if I lived somewhere with snakes, like Australia, I'd have a one-way flap on my dunny.

Oh, yeah, I'd have a one-way. That's for sure. I'd certainly look at getting one installed. And I'd never go hiking. No way. Just imagine long drops. Imagine you had a long drop. Oh, yeah.

Spiders, snakes. F.M. How many waking hours do you estimate you spend on social media? Like, because we obviously spend a lot of time in front of screens. Too many. Well, we all downloaded that app, didn't we, that told us how long we spent? But we deleted it because it was scally. It made you feel guilty. It was a stark reminder of how much

time you spend online. Mine wasn't a lot. Mine was like only ever about two hours. Yeah, but if you had that app for how much you've been watching Love Island, what would that say? Oh, yeah. We could actually just probably work that out now. I watched five episodes yesterday. And they're all an hour long.

So five hours of your life was spent yesterday watching Love Island. Yeah, but I was doing, like, I made dinner while I had it on as well. Like, I was doing other things. Right. Because your wife finished it, Vaughn. What's she doing now? Well, last night she said she felt like her friends had moved away. I think I feel like that. That's what she said. She's like, Vaughn. What's she doing now? Well, last night she said she felt like her friends had moved away. I think I feel like that.

That's what she said. She's like, it's weird. Because I said, oh, what have you, you know. Do you feel the same way, producer Caitlin? Because that's probably the saddest thing I've heard today. I just feel a bit lost. Because I usually get a notification on my phone every morning to say that a new episode's arrived. But there's not one.

There's no more episodes. I feel like I'll miss Dani, you know, when she's gone. Yeah. They're real sad. I know. I'm following them all on social media though, so. Right, okay. Well, this is going to be the next problem because we are spending a whole lot of hours of our day, waking hours

on social media and it could lead to you know, like Alcohol Anonymous, like an AA type group. Soon we're going to have Social Media Addicts Anonymous. So people were saying, this is a university professor, he's saying you can call 11 hours out of 16 waking hours immersed in your social media, you can call that normalised behaviour

or you can call that an addiction, which is probably more what it actually is. Well, if you were smoking or drinking for 11 of your 16 hours of waking day, then that would be bad, wouldn't it? And if it's something that you have to do, you feel like you're missing out or, you know, like if you wake up and you have to look at your phone

or you're driving and you literally can't put your phone down when you should, then it's surely an addiction. I hope they have some giant stadiums ready for these social media anonymous groups. Yeah. Because there'll be a few people. There'll be a few people turning up. The problem is, though, when you go to, like, those groups,

you've got to want to change. And I don't think we want to change. You've got to be, I think people have those addictive personality types where it might be affecting their work or their relationships and stuff, and then that's an addiction. But if you're just using it a bit and using it to pass the time, that's not really addiction, is it? Is he justifying his behavior?

No, but if it's not affecting you. Like if I go to the toilet and I get out Instagram rather than read whatever else I used to do before that, I can't remember, or play a game. Is that addiction? What about Fortnite? Is that an addiction? How many hours do you spend on? I can't talk because I was five hours yesterday.

Not five hours yesterday, that's for sure. I know, but that's going to end. And then I'm just going to have to get over it. Right. Fortnite will never end. Well, no, some would say it's a better business model. That's true. It's a smarter play.

FEM. ZM. Waikato police are on the hunt for people that yesterday at 4am broke into, with hammers, the mobile on Queen Street in Cambridge. For like what? Fuel or cash? No, still lollies. Not even ciggies?

Lollies. So that's all that was reported missing. Lollies. So I don't know, maybe the ciggies were locked up because that's what a lot of the service station raids are for, aren't they, ciggies? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that was the vibe.

Because they're like $800 a packet now. That's a brazen break, and that's like on the main road through Cambridge. Yeah, and then so apparently, Tawamutu, recently, there was a ram raid of a, the Caltex was rammed. Yeah.

Siggy's and money and loads of lollies. So we're looking for six-year-olds who don't want to eat their dinner tonight because they're full. Pretty much. Who have had access to a car that is significantly more damaged than it was when you last saw it. So if you know somebody with piles of lollies.

I always think that, though. I'm like, if someone's going to do a ram raid, definitely grab the lollies. Take it all. It annoys me when they do a targeted ram raid. And they're just getting one thing, like just do a sweeping arm the lollies. Take it all. It annoys me when they do a targeted ram raid. And they're just getting one thing, like just do a sweeping arm of lollies. Like when people used to ram raid pharmacies and only steal stuff to make meth. It's like, what, do you not get a cold?

Grab some Lemsips and some lozenges as well. Yeah, those are expensive. And grab a knit comb because if you ever have kids, you're going to need one of those. Like pretty much everything in the pharmacy is something you're going to need at some stage that you don't want to have to pay for. A couple of tubes of Barocca, that adds up. Oh, and I thought

you were going to say Lamisil because you never know when you're going to get a bit of athlete's foot. You get one person on the money, one person on the treats. I'd take three people. I'd take four.

The driver stays in the car. Okay. That's my rule. Is this a 101 how to ram raid? I've never ram raided anything and it's breaking the law. And you wouldn't be encouraging it. I wouldn't do it and I certainly wouldn't be encouraging it. But at the same time, here's where you went wrong.

Someone always stays in the car. Yep. You drive in. I'd ram raid in reverse. Yep. Because if you ram raid in forward, you could poo-poo the radiator. I've never thought about that. I would load the boot up and ram right in reverse.

I'd have two cars. And you risk, like, munting the engine. Yeah. Okay, good idea having two cars. Yeah, you're welcome. Fly into it in first, abandon that car, driver then just gets into the second car, which was being driven by the guy who's now on the cash register.

Okay. Right, so someone's after that. If the cash is very rarely stored on site, it's time to ad lib. Yeah. Okay. Lollies. Tissues. Tissues.

Oils. Tissues. Oh, yes. Or essential oils. Like gift baskets. No, they're not. Motor oil. Oh, wait.

Are we doing a pharmacy or a servo? I thought we were still doing a pharmacy. No. He's talking about motor oil. I thought we were doing the servo. You're talking about essential oils. I'm talking about essential oils. Okay. Right. Oils. For your diff oils. I'm talking about essential oils.

Okay. Oils. For your diffuser. Like Omega 3. You're high on adrenaline. Like you need an essential oil in your diffuser Just to relax me.

A calming oil. All of those. Yeah, right. Yeah, and then always keep somebody in the car for a quick getaway. Right. Well, either way,

it's pretty horrific. It's terrible. It is. And so if you That's somebody's livelihood, but that's terrible. If you know of any information, get in touch with the police. But yeah, like you say, Main Street. Main Street, yeah, around places that are open sort of around the clock. Yeah, and like busy traffic, even at four o'clock in the morning,

there'd be the odd car going past. Or people go to work because there's a whole lot of dairy farms in the area. Crazy. Very ballsy. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Nissan, or Nissen as normal non-Americans call it, have a new feature in one of their new cars that really, it's weird that we haven't had this previously.

Okay. So it is a rear door alert and this is patented, patented, patented, patented, patented technology. This is Nissan have done this,

Nissan, whatever you, I'm saying it both ways just so everybody feels included. And if you leave something on the back seat, be it groceries, grandma, or a child, an alert sounds.

And this is what it actually sounds like. You walk away, you walk inside the house or into work and you hear... And it will just keep going. God, that would scare the shit out of me. Back you go. Okay. And yeah, they just said, well, it kind of makes sense,

you know, with a busy lifestyle. I mean, there was that horrendous case here in New Zealand where that nurse went to work and completely forgot her baby was in the back seat. That would be a horrific thing to live with and just down to fatigue over work and just, you know, having an absolute... Even if you wanted to leave something in the back seat,

like if you were popping into the dairy and you wanted to leave your nana or your kid in the back seat, like if you were popping into the dairy and you wanted to leave your nana or your kid in the back seat, it wouldn't let you. No. Because it'd be beeping the whole time. Oh, yeah. You probably shouldn't. Unless you left the keys in the car, but then... Yeah, then someone could

steal your... That's how kids always drive a car through the dairy's front window. Then you've got a ram radar on your hands. We've covered that today. We know you don't want that. Have two cars. You don't want that. So with that, the top six other features that I think cars are missing.

They should have developed by now, given levels of technology. Okay. Number six. They should take themselves to the service station for a full tank of gas. With you not in it. Yeah. Oh, heaven. That would be so good. Yeah. When you're not busy, be like, I'm not going to use you for the next hour. With you not in it. Yeah. Oh, heaven. That would be so good. Yeah.

When you're like not busy, be like I'm not gonna use you for the next hour, off you go. Yeah, go take yourself away and get some petrol. Hate driving home and you're like, oh I'm gonna have to either do it now or on the way back tomorrow morning. Yeah. It's such a... And then in the morning you're right out of time so you're like, I'll definitely make it home. Yeah, well I'll

try to do it on the way home today and then you pull in and you get out. Like it's the world's biggest task to go to the service station. How are you? Yeah, I'm all right. Pump four. So sometimes I... Self-service.

Yeah, I pay at the pump just so I don't have to deal with anybody. Yeah. Number five on the list of smart car options that should be available now is that cars shouldn't gas us with an air freshener when the doors haven't been open for a while. This became,

because I had to set my car to the panel beater. Yeah. And they put an air freshener in it because they cleaned the whole car, sprayed some stuff and put a new air freshener in. My God,

every time you open the door it's like you've been punched in the face by a giant orange. What do we think that says? Are they, were they like getting in and being like poo? Yeah, they probably were actually. I hope not. I'm just going to leave this.

Because there's sometimes, yeah, where I'll do a couple of farties just before I jump out of the car. And then like tomorrow Nick jump in and I'm like, how is this still in here? Oh wow. It's soaked in the seats or something. Upholstery.

The pit puree or the air freshener. My dad's ute is the worst. He leaves it outside in the seats or something. Upholstery. The pit puree or the air freshener. My dad's ute is the worst. He leaves it outside in the sun and you get in and you're like. Whatever scent he's got in there. He's a big fan of lavender because he's a farmer. Farmers seem to be very stuck on lavender. Number four on the list of things your car should do by now is it should be bouncier. So when you run into things,

you bounce off them. Like a cartoon car. Yeah, or just like a really rubbery, soft bumper. Okay. Because then if you bump into things, it goes boing like a bit of a sponge. Why don't they make the outside rubbery?

I don't know. Like bumper boats, bumper cars. Yeah. Like you start your car up and the thing inflates around it. Like, and it starts and it goes and puts a little airbag around you. But then if you do actually bump into something hard, are you just going to pop yourself? Oh, no, that'd be real thick.

Okay. And you'd only be like, I'm just, I'm not saying it's going to stop. I mean, it would make the motorways pretty fun if everybody had those bumper things on. It'd be like a game of pinball down the motorway. Number three on the list of the things smart cars should be able to do by now. Just have words instead of warning lights. Like a warning light thing pops up and you're like,

what the hell does that mean? And it's like check engine, but it doesn't look anything like an engine. Stupid car. Should you say check engine. No, but you know why? It's because they sell them in different languages, isn't it? Oh, right. They could just put a thing over it.

A sticker. Yeah, yeah. Or make a different dash for every language. Or an LED light. They make right hand drive and left hand drive. And then there's different things through different countries. Like, they put in, like, cars that are made for New Zealand, the radio is different than if they're made for Japan.

Right. Because you have to get a band expander when it comes here. Yeah. So maybe when they come here, you can just get a little template. Well, guys, you should just be able to push a button that says, don't get ripped off by the mechanic. Your radiator isn't broken. It's just this.

That's a flash cars thing, I think. Like, really expensive cars know what's wrong with them. Yeah. They, like, self- broken it's just this. That's a flash cars thing I think. Really expensive cars know what's wrong with them. They like self-diagnose. They go into the wifi and they work out what they've got wrong with them and all the time they're like I've got cancer. Because I googled it. I'm a car.

I made a funny noise so I googled what was wrong with me and it's cancer. That's how you never google what's wrong with you. Never. Never do it. Never do it. Number two on the list of things cars should be able to do by themselves by now is have an engine oil reserve.

Oh, yeah. Stay with me. Because you know when you get low oil and you have to use the dipstick and you pull it out and you're like, it's low. The car should know that it's low and just have this little tank. So there's like, you know where you put the windscreen wiper stuff? Then beside it, it's like the oil one.

So you just always make sure that's full. But that's what you do with your oil now. Yeah, you'll just have an extra tank. But you don't have to pull out a dipstick. It's just a little wee tank, like a litre or something. And the car's just like, I know I'm low on oil.

I'm going to take a bit from that tank. Right. And then all you have to do is when you pop the thing to fill the wash stuff up, see if it's full. I'd just let that run out as well. That would be the problem.

Yeah, no, Megan's right. That's all that would happen. That would run down. Yeah. Well, I'm just trying to help. And, I mean, there's probably a reason that doesn't happen,

like pressure or something, but you can sort it out. You're smart. You're engineers and that. And the number one thing cars should be able to do for themselves by now, change colour.

So you can be like, I don't want a black car today. I want a red car. And then it's a red car or a blue car. That would be pretty cool. Yeah. And it's surely not that hard, right?

I mean, I don't know how to do it. There's lots of things I don't know how to do. Like, I don't know how my computer works but look at it go every single day just right in front of me.

I don't know how the internet works. God, I'm on it all the time. Yeah. I don't know how to do. Like, I don't know how my computer works, but look at it go every single day. Just right in front of me. I don't know how the internet works. God, I'm on it all the time. Yeah. I don't know how car paint works, but I've seen it. Get it sorted. That's today's top six. Fletch. Vaughn.

And Megan. The podcast. This is a warning for experts, Fortnite experts, Vaughn and producer James and Fortnite part-time enthusiast, Carl Fletcher. Thank you. So a warning for anyone Fortnite related. So some scammers are cashing in on Fortnite and basically they've almost made a million bucks

out of scamming people by, you're getting free V-Bucks. So V-Bucks are how you buy things on the game. Yeah, that's how a free game makes its money. Yeah. So you buy V-Bucks are how you buy things on the game. Yeah, that's how a free game makes its money. Yeah. So you buy V-Bucks to buy a season battle pass or to download the dance, different dances. Different outfits.

Outfits, pickaxes, gliders. Have they made some money? Fortnite, oh my God. I know for a free game people are like, how has it done it in a year they've made a billion dollars. It's insane, yeah. Oh my God. So yeah, basically there's websites.

So these aren't in-game things. This is websites out of the game that basically try and trick people into clicking on advertisements or filling out surveys in the hope of getting free V-Bucks. So there is, they call them V-Bucks generators. You might see these online as pop-ups or different websites. But Megan, as Cuddle Team Leader says in the loading screen,

Cuddle Team Leader's the pink beer. Oh my god. Cuddle Team Leader says don't give your Epic password to anybody and Epic will never ask you for your password and you can only get V-Bucks through the game. Cuddle Team Leader, anti-scammer. It's the same Cuddle Team Leader.

Ria, it's the cute one. I want to go to the next dress-up party I go to. I want to get a Cuddle Team Leader outfit. Still though, they've made a million dollars at least. That's what they know of through Fortnite scams. People aren't paying attention, are they? People are thinking that this is just an easy way to get V-Bucks. Oh, I want to be Cuddle Team Leader.

Yeah, I told you. I told you Cuddle Team Leader is my career. I don't even want to go on this game because it's so my jam and I've got Love Island at the moment, but maybe afterwards. Yes, when you're done with Love Island, you'll need to fill that empty hole. Can you be Cuddle Team Leader in the game? I just found out you can download Cuddle Team Leader's avatar for free if you go to the PlayStation store. So I'm told from now on I'm Cuddle Team Leader in the game? I just found out you can download Cuddle Team Leader's avatar for free if you go to the PlayStation Store.

So I'm told from now on I'm Cuddle Team Leader. Okay, we've lost Vaughn. There's some controversy after a storyline on Shortland Street. Members of New Zealand's Down Syndrome community are very upset. Now, this is a storyline that involves Zoe and Chris. They are having a child and... But Chris Warner, how many kids has he had? Officially, I don't know.

This has got to be like... Seven, eight? Twelve. Surely he'd have had a vasectomy by now. Has he had the twins? I mean... Well, no, they were a surprise, weren't they? The triplets from Australia.

Yeah, and then... Phoenix, Harry, Stephen. Who's Stephen? Carrie. Are you making up Chris Warner's kids again? Is it Stephen? I said he shouldn't have named it Carrie because he already had Harry. Right.

But he went with Carrie. Elise. But it must be five or six. No, no, no. It's definitely like seven or eight. Yeah. Jeez, they need to get some more characters to have kids with. Yeah, some more fertile characters.

So the storyline involves Zoe and Chris's unborn baby. The baby's got Down syndrome. Chris, he wants me to have an abortion. None of this was planned. Us having a baby, even being together. Yeah, I understand. You want to get rid of it just because you think it's not perfect. Raising a disabled child is hard work.

Work we can do, love we can get. This baby could be born with serious medical issues. Heart, hearing, eyesight, digestive issues, higher risk of infection. I'm not trying to scare you, Zoe, but this is a big decision and you need all the facts. Still my body, my decision. Of course it is. It raises a, I mean, a serious conversation, doesn't it? But the New Zealand Down Syndrome Association has said

the word abortion was used straight away and it's very confronting and offending to people with Down Syndrome and their parents. Yeah, especially if they were watching it. What an awful thing to sit there and bear witness to. So, I mean, they have said, look, it's a whole storyline. Please let it play out and then make your decision. I watched recently a thing on genetics and how in the future of genetics,

the designer babies, you know, the term designer baby and being able to take out certain genes that lead to disabilities. And I'd never thought about it before, but they specifically said the genetic marker that indicates that your child might have dwarfism. And they talked to

some people who have dwarfism and they were like, it's pretty hard to watch something telling you that you're a... You're not perfect. Yeah, you're a biological mistake and a genetic anomaly. And I'd never thought about that before. I was like, that would be a hard thing to watch. A fully functioning person who's just

smaller, you know, just has that. And I've got to hear people going, we're trying to eradicate it. It would be a hard... And I hadn't thought about that. And then to hear it from this point of view as well as... Yeah. Yeah. It would be a hard, and I hadn't thought about that and then to hear it from this point of view as well as, yeah, people would be watching Shortland Street

who have Down syndrome and it would be a hard thing to watch and to hear. Because my cousin has Down syndrome and I immediately thought of her and I was like, what an awful thing for her to have to hear and see. Yeah, she's awesome. I've just never even and I was like, what an awful thing for her to have to hear and see.

Yeah, she's awesome. I've just never even thought she was any different when I was growing up. She was just a lot of fun. But I just, yeah, I mean, it's probably a conversation that happens, but I don't think you need to be having it in front of... Yeah, 100%.

It's not the first time Shortland Street scouted a bit of controversy though, a skirted controversy rather, and kind of gone close to the something that was talked about at the time or... Yeah. Right, well I mean they film it three months out, don't they? So I mean, I'd imagine they're not going to delete the scenes.

They kind of probably can't, I don't think. I don't think they can really do anything now, but like they say, they see what happens. So maybe they do have the baby. Yeah, watch the storyline play out. Maybe they redeem themselves. Yeah, maybe they do. I've got a sore arm, back and neck sort of combo. Too much Jimbra.

So much Jimbra. It's going to be easy. I don't know what that was. Don't know what that was. Don't know what that was. That just happened. Felt right, so I went with it. Yeah, okay. Retrospectively, maybe I shouldn't have.

But, like, so there's this band that joins your shoulders together. Yeah. I've been told mine one's particularly tight. Okay. And I've not been stretching enough. Silly me. Yeah, I always say that. And I just stretch more, but it's boring.

Yeah, it is boring. And you're like, dun, dun, dun. All right, I'm out. I've been here long enough. Silly me. Yeah, I always say that and I just stretch more, but it's boring. Yeah, it is boring and you're like, done, done, done. Alright, I'm out. I've been here long enough. Alright, hold this for 30 seconds. One, two, that felt pretty good. That side, yep, that's done. Yeah. A bit in the neck. It's been all very tight. Yep, okay.

Gary has given me a couple of at-work massages, which have worked a treat. Last night at home, I found the old, well, let me run you through yesterday's back pain relief schedule. Took my shirt off and laid on the Shakti mat on the floor in the lounge. I wasn't expecting this to be a magical cure, but my wife quite likes the Shakti mat. Okay.

It's pointy, spikes into your back. Spikes, yeah. It's like putting a whole lot of golf shoes upside down and then lying on it. Yeah. Basically. Or touch shoes. And that felt all right. So I'm topless because you've got to go topless.

Yeah. Yeah, it's got to be on skin. It's got to be on skin. And it pushes in apparently ancient Chinese remedy. It's like a thousand acupunctures at once, isn't it? Yeah, and it pushes in and increases blood flow, all that shenanigans. So I was lying on that and I'm like, oh good! And it feels like burning at some stage.

And then I'm shirtless on the floor and there's a courier. So that kind of... Carrier. Carrier. And I turn my head and I'm like, oh, g'day! And he's like, I'll just leave these here. I was like, no, no, I'll get up. And then I was like, oh, my don't. Getting off's painful.

And then I'm shirtless in front of the courier and you've got a thousand holes in your back or indents but that's cool but it didn't do much so I was lying

lucky him though I know nips for nothing it's like a tip but it's a nip yeah tip for a job well done nip for a job well done yep

maybe that's a little something isn't it put that on the simmer for another idea on the side so then I'm lying on the ground and Indy's walking by me and I'm like Indy who's my six year old who weighs approximately

20 kgs I say can you stand on my back she's like what for I said I've got this sore part I'll tell you where to move around and I'll get you to stand right on the sore part so she holds on you where to move around. Yeah. And I'll get you to stand right on the sore part. So she holds onto the arm of the couch. Yeah.

She stands on my back. I get her into the spot. I'm like, now with the heel of your foot, the back of your foot, push down as hard as you can. And the minute she did, it was like deflating. I mean, I was like, but I could tell it was going to be good. And then she hopped off and I was like, it felt so good. So I lay back down and I was like, do it again.

And she's just laughing, standing on my back with the ball of her foot. And I don't know if it was the size of her little foot or like the perfect weight or what it was or maybe because, you know, she does, my wife's got Asian heritage, Chinese heritage. Maybe she's tapped into it. She's tapped into it. You know, they were world leaders

in massage, weren't they? That's the thing, you haven't invented anything here. Like the lady over the road at the Thai massage place, she's got rails on the roof and she'll walk on your back and she's like an old woman. We went to Meow. Flinch got me onto Meow. She had some rails on the roof and she'll walk on your back. And she's like an old woman. We went to meow. Meow.

Flitch got me onto meow. She had some rails on the roof. She could hold on and just get right into it. That was her name, Megan. But what he's saying is it's free, Flitch. It's free. It's at home if you've got a kid. It's free.

Because Sade tried it. Yep. I won't say her weight on the radio, but I think, not that that's a problem, but she won't want me to. But I think maybe the heel of her foot was too big, so it couldn't get in and target the zone. Oh, right, right. So I feel like it's the size.

So then I tried August, because your Goldilocks, and you've got to find your, you know, maybe if Indy's good at it, August is better. She just stomped me and winded me, so that didn't help. She was like, here. She's, don't get good at what you don't want to do. Exactly. She's like, here. I'm like, yeah, now push down. But what, she didn't just lean in. She like, stomp, stomp. And I was like, don't get good at what you don't want to do. She's like, here? I'm like, yeah, now push down.

But she didn't just lean in. She like, stomp, stomp. And I'm like, no! No! That's why she's my favourite. I missed. And then Indy got back on. And I just tell you, if you've got a sore spot, if it's like pressure, I don't want to take responsibility

if it goes poorly. And there's probably like physios and everything listening being like no but yes because they're going to get business in the end of it but no don't do that but I can tell you

oh my god it felt so good I'm thinking about pulling her out of school early or getting home and going out at lunchtime and being like come on

home for lunchtime she's missing a trick she needs to start charging that's what I'm worried about because that's what Sade said. How much is he paying you? She's like, what do you mean? And I was like, hey, hey, hey, hey.

She gets dinner for free. Yeah, rent and board. Every night. Every night. I haven't yet pulled that, but I remember my parents doing that too. How much am I getting paid for this? Well, you're living here for nothing. Yeah, you really can't argue with that, eh? Well, you can.

They chose to have you, so there's always a solid argument against anything your parents can book. This year I decided I would try and read 10 books a year. It's not like a resolution or anything, and I know 10 books probably doesn't seem like a lot to some people, but for me, it's a lot. Well, you watched

5 Hours Yesterday of Love Island. So I didn't get any reading done. No, how's that going? Yeah, well, I've just finished Sharp Objects, which is now a TV show. So now I can watch. I watched the first episode and it's pretty good. But I'm just going to wait till they're all out and binge it

because I don't like waiting week to week. I can't do it anymore. Binge, binge, binge, binge. I know, it's bad, right? There's so many shows I want to watch, but they're only up to episode five. I'm like, hold, hold. Yeah.

Hold it. It's out of market. Don't tell me what happens. But I can already tell that the book is going to be better than the movie. I mean, than the TV series. Right. Because it gets into the mind of the person, you know? I find, too, that it's helpful to have a TV series

just so you know what the characters are supposed to look like I know I read the first Harry Potter books before seeing the movie and then when I saw Hermione I was like nothing like expected nothing like my imagination and so now I know

Harry Potter is Daniel Radcliffe and when I read a book I bet you had Daniel Radcliffe see because I was picturing Amy Adams in my head for the main character because I knew the cast so it was good Harry Potter is Daniel Radcliffe and when I read a book, I picture Daniel Radcliffe. Yeah. See, because I was picturing Amy Adams in my head for the main character because I knew the cast, so it was good. Right. But why I'm telling you this

is because apparently getting lost in a book is very good for you. When was the last time you read a book, Fleetch? Like three weeks ago. Oh, yeah, you read quite often. Born not a comic, but a book. Star Wars doesn't count.

Star Wars books don't count. Ages. What did I last read? No, mostly I just read Star Wars books. I love that. It's a great extended universe, guys. So experts have said that it's very good for you. It can help you with your social skills.

It can help you, provide you with a sense of belonging that all humans need. It's very good for our brains. It may even help us live longer. And so all of these things, I mean, you could watch a TV series, but you're not going to get into the mind of the characters like you would in a book. So you can relate to people. It can also teach you to be a better person. Because it has your undivided attention too, doesn't it?

Whereas if you're watching a TV show, you're on your phone, you might be doing a few things. And you're like talking to someone. But when you're reading, you're fully immersed, aren't you? Oh, no, not me. Do you ever do this thing where you're reading and one specific thing in the book makes you think about, and while you are reading,

your brain's talking about that thing that was a few pages back. And then you're like, oh, I've got to go back. And then you're like, how far did I keep reading after I stopped thinking about this? Yeah, yeah. But you get distracted easy. Oh, yeah. Is the book club still going, Producer Caitlin?

Yeah. Sure is. Which Vaughan and I aren't invited to. Yeah, because you don't read books and you're taking the piss out of it and it's actually like, it really lights up my life,

the book club. If you came along to that, you'd whinge the whole time and be like, these books are boring. That's a soppy one. Yeah. Read one about crime and prison.

This. Oh, prison books are pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I love a good book. It's still going. We've got our next meeting soon right we're just trying to

decide where to have it because producer james doesn't want it in his house we're watching that's unfair isn't it james because you've never said it's not allowed to be at your house exactly i i'm not stopping it they're like oh james doesn't want it in his house it's like go for it you just need to organize it no one wants to organize it for their house they're not interested in this book club we are so bullshit It's all bullshit if she asks me. We've just got to read the books in between, you know? Yeah, I think Love Island's kind of got in the way of the book club, hasn't it? Not me.

I would watch one episode and then I would read my book. I know, it's nasty pants. That's because you were up to date. That's because you were literally watching it every single day. Megan's trying to break catch up. F.E.M. We want to know right now what you said to someone on your last day at work. Maybe you'd been working with someone for a while and you didn't get on.

Or maybe they just went on and on about something in particular and you just maybe needed to say. What you needed to say. Yeah, on your last day. On behalf of everybody who still has to work here, would you please start wearing deodorant? Pull the pin,

chuck the grenade in and run. And leave. Do that thing where they walk away and Merv is in the explosion house behind them and they just get

that little smile on their face. So, 0800-DARLS-IT-M 9696, what did you say to someone on your last day at work?

Now, the reason this popped into our heads to talk about this morning is that Jacinda's back as Prime Minister today after maternity leave. And Winston Peters has been on fire for the last week because I think he's just like, oh, well, this is about to be back in somebody else's hands. I'm going to lob a few of these grenades. Yesterday, Parliament got quite heated.

There was a heated chit-chat going on, and Trevor Mallard, who's the Speaker of the House, told everybody to calm down because he couldn't hear what was happening. And most of the noise was coming from the opposition, and apparently Gerry Brownlee, who you'll be well aware of, he's been in the game for a long time, once famously skipped aviation queues by just going through a door he shouldn't have.

Yes. And he was apparently the one making the noise. So you'll hear Trevor Mallard talking. He's in charge of the place. And then you'll hear Winston Peters right at the end. Have a listen. No, no. I'm first of all going to have the shadow leader.

Throw Fatty out. Right. Throw Fatty out. Throw Fatty out. The, the, no, no, the, I'm first of all going to have the shadow leader. Throw Fatty out. Right. You're the bro.

Did he not know he was mic'd or something? He was talking into a mic. He wasn't like lapel mic'd. He didn't forget. He was standing up talking into a mic. He wasn't like lapel mic'd. He didn't forget. He was standing up talking into his mic. Winston, he's just like your granddad. He's just like Prince Philip. Says what he wants to say.

When they get to a certain age, like when my granddad had a brain injury and they said one of the things is he might lose his filter. I was like, he doesn't have one. We are in so much trouble. The guy who says exactly what he's thinking all the time now does that tenfold. And old mates just, yeah, say what they're thinking.

But it was his last day. So he's like, oh, last day as Prime Minister. If he got chucked out, he would have been able to knock off early on his last day. Isn't that not everybody's dream? Maybe that's what he wanted. So we want to talk about what you've said to people on your last day of work. Or maybe you've

witnessed it in the office. Someone on their last day just let rip at everybody. Should I say what I said? Yep. So, like, oh, so I didn't like this person's husband very much. And so on my last

day, I told his wife that she should leave him. I was like, jerk, leave him. And then I left. But, do you know what? Years later, I left him. So, um, yeah. I was in the right the whole time. What job was that?

This is the one. Would we know them? I can't pick up from the clues. Where else have you worked with people? Stop. We are now separated. I didn't know you said that. Me either.

How? I did it in a group email. Oh, that's right. I do remember now. I do remember now. That's right. I do remember now. Anyway.

That was a classic part about leaving a job on radio. You send in an email and you address pretty much every single person in the office. And you say what you think. So I did remember now. Anyway. That was a classic part about leaving a job on radio. You send in an email and you address pretty much every single person in the office. And you say what you think, so I did. Okay. All right, well, what did you say to someone on their last day? 0800-DARLS-ATM-9696. We're talking about what you did on your last day of work, last day as Acting Prime Minister.

Winston Peters said this in Parliament. Shadow do your hair. Throw fat ear. Throw fat ear. Just zero Fs given on his last day. Pretty crazy. But not the only one. And if you've ever watched

the Parliament TV of when they're having these debates, like, that's the sort of childish stuff that happens all the time. Yes, no, that's nothing. Some text messages in.

I photocopied my breasts and left copies around the department and on my boss's computer to greet her in the morning with a little sign that said, you'll miss me, X.

That doesn't seem like a mean thing. No. Everyone to greet her in the morning with a little sign that said, you'll miss me, X. That doesn't seem like a mean thing. No. Everyone got some breasts in the morning. It's a great start to the day. Somebody said, when my colleague left for a new job, I told her not to bore her new workmates with stories about her dog. Sounds mean. She'd only had it for seven days.

It was her first dog. She told everybody how they should be training their dog and how they could be looking after their dogs better and I should be more strict with my dog because her dog was already more well-behaved than her dog. Oh, okay. And she was giving everyone dog advice without asking for it and literally inserting a dog in every sentence.

So I thought, I'm doing you workmates a favour. Rachel, what did you say to somebody on your last day? I told another co-worker about two of our other co-workers having an affair. Was the other co-worker... They were both married. But not to the co-worker you told. No. You just gave her sort of the keys to the power there of knowing their little secret.

Yeah, I was out of there. It was an awful job and I hated it and I didn't like the two people and what they were up to. So I just thought, stuff it, you know. I'll say it, I'm out, I'm gone. I'll tell them. Wow, wipe your hands. Yeah.

Do you know if he or she ever did anything with it, the information? Oh, yeah, yeah. I got the boss afterwards. Okay. Oh, right. Okay. Brilliant.

See, if they're in charge of pay rises, that's when it comes in handy, doesn't it? Does it or is it blackmail? It's a grey area. Yeah, it's a grey. I don't know if it is. Yeah, it's not blackmail. It's a grey area.

It's a grey mail. It's grey mail. Grey mail. Thanks, Rachel. Kirsty, what did you say to someone on your last day at work? All right. So the reason I left my job was I got a series of very rude and sexist emails from my boss. Okay.

And on my last day, I decided to forward all the series to everyone in the company. Brilliant. Take a bow. Brilliant. So what did everyone say after you sent the emails round? I left them just as I left the building, sent them just as I left the building sort of thing. You don't know.

You just lit the fire and literally ran. There's nothing quite like hearing an office amount of email notification dings on computers and then silence for. Yeah, exactly. Kirsty, thanks for your call. Nathan, what did you say to your boss? I told him to stop sleeping with his secretary.

On the last day? Yep. In front of everybody or in an email? In front of everybody. Oh, how did that go down? He went bright red and I walked off. Wow, did you get your final holiday pay or? Yeah, I got it.

Oh, okay. Did he give you a good reference for your next job? No. No, I wouldn't have even put him down. Nathan, thanks for your call. It's all good. On my last day at work, I gave my manager a chance to apologise for the two years of fairly awful treatment to the staff.

She laughed at my face, so I said, oh, well, and clipped send on my phone of an email to HR documenting mistreatment of staff that I've been collecting over the last two years. She left approximately five weeks later because apparently it had become quite a hard place to work. Brilliant. That's dropping a bomb. Yeah.

Should have done that so you didn't have to leave that job. Yeah, true. True, but maybe you're not sure of the outcome. I mean, if you knew it was going to be the case. Yeah. Someone said, I had a meeting with my HR manager on the very last day of work with someone who would later complain against me. And, well, what a day to be in the HR office because zero Fs were given.

And she was just telling this person that they weren't prepared for the real world if they'd called HR over something so nonsensical and primary school like. Like they were just dishing out the hard truth that day. Probably the right day to have a meeting with HR if you're on the receiving end of a complaint. Yeah.

Yeah, not so much the other end because the girl left crying apparently. Put out your wrist. I'm going to take your pulse. I'm going to take a resting pulse before and then afterwards. Okay, like a nurse, I'm going to start on the 25. I'm not standing here for 25. No, I'm going to do 10 seconds and then times it by six.

You're wasting time there. No, just breathe because he's worked up now. No, don't because you just got me worked up. Do it next time. I don't know how it's taken us so long to get to this. We'll get an Apple Watch next time. A Fitbit. A Fitbit. A Fitbit or something. Just come.

Even though that was like 75. And it almost felt like I felt it get faster. Yeah, because you've riled me up. I know what's coming. This segment of the show is where we've noticed something that gets Fletch going and then we bring it up on here and just set him free and antagonize him. Watch him implode. Yeah.

So this happened yesterday. Megan was showing Fletch a series of text messages. And I couldn't see what was going on. And then Fletch is like, what's going on here? And points at Megan's phone. And Megan's like, what are you talking about? And Megan had sent a thumbs up emoji. However.

And a strong arm. And a strong arm. Thumbs up, strong arm. Now, what's going on here was due to the fact that Fletch felt Megan was using a skin tone at least two tones darker in the emoji availability range. One maybe tone darker. So, would you care to discuss about people's misrepresentation of their skin tone through emojis?

You, Megan, are two tones darker. It's not two tones. I'm not that pasty white one. I've got a little bit of tan edge. You're not the yellow emoji, but you're not. I'm not the white, white, white. You're not Mediterranean brown, Megan. No, but I'm at least that one.

No, I hate to break this to you and to everybody that ups their skin tone colour in emojis, but you're not that tan. That's me. That's me summer. And not that delicious brown. That's not even you in summer. I am delicious brown in summer. No, you're not. You're pasty white. No, I'm brown. That's not even you in summer. I am delicious brown in summer. No, you're not.

You're pasty white. No, I'm not. I'm not pasty. You and I go low-harm freckly more than we go brown. Exactly. Are you kidding me? I don't go freckly. Yes, you do.

I don't go freckly. Oh, my God. I hate to break this to you, but yes, you do. We both do. I do not go freckly. You cover it up with makeup, but you go freckly. I 100% do not go freckly. She does. She goes freckly. It's not an insult. I go

freckly. Freckly people go freckly. So my tan, the best I can hope for a tan is that my freckles get big enough to join together. I don't freckle. I tan. There's some freckles right there. A couple of moles. Oh, you go moley then. Or whatever you want to call it. Now look.

You're pasty. You are not the... I got tanned in summer. Hey, let's not throw around the B word. This is not Megan. This is not your segment. Don't get Megan started.

No, now I'm pissed. This is my segment. Now Megan's old freckles are started. This is something that not just Megan does, but I'd say a lot of people, 90% of people,

over exaggerate their skin tone in emojis. Have you seen my parents? Am I allowed to use that one? No. That's the second to pastiest. You are 100% the pastiest. You're the pastiest, so I'm that one beside it. I'm the pastiest.

You're pasty. Have you seen my parents? They're so brown. So brown. Your parents are white as anything. They're only brown because they're nudists. I know, but the sun makes them very brown. Makes me very brown. So brown. Your parents are white as anything. They're only brown because they're nudists. I know, but the sun makes them very brown. Makes me very brown.

You're not allowed to over exaggerate your emoji skin tone. Everybody does it and it really annoys me. What one do you use? I will, the lightest one. Do you use the lightest one? That's because that's what I am. You don't misrepresent yourself. I would have thought you were at least the second lightest one. Do you use the lightest one? Because that's what I am. You don't misrepresent yourself. I would have thought you were at least the second lightest one.

If I don't rate myself, Fletch, who is going to? I would even say in the height of Summer Fletch, you would almost be the middle one. No. Thank you, Vaughan. Thank you. You'd be the middle. Like that time we were in Christchurch and someone said to you,

I didn't know you were a Maori. And that's how they pronounced it too. I didn't know you were a Maori. And that's how they pronounced it too. I didn't know you were a Maori. We were like, a what? A Maori. You know, a Maori, a brown person, a Maori. I'm like, are you talking about a Maldi? Yeah, same thing.

I was like, Christchurch. So offensive. But in that case, Megan, I could have used a darker emoji. You are most representing yourself in emoji world. Okay, I'm only ever going to used a darker emoji. You are misrepresenting yourself in emoji world. I'm only ever going to use the light emoji. You're being right muggy towards me and I'm not having it. I am not.

Oh, I'm leaving Love Island. Are you allowed to do that? No, because there's $50,000 at stake. If I see it, I will message someone back and say, tone down the skin tone. This is you. This is you. And I will select the emoji just so they know.

This one's you. That they're rating themselves too highly. Do you know what I think is a wasted emoji? If we're talking about the blonde man emoji with the darkest skin tone. Yet there's no young bald man. Now, there'd be more young bald men Younger bald men Than there would be

People with blonde hair And the darkest possible Emoji skin tone It's just because they've got like Hair with all skin tones you know Where's the bald men That aren't old There's one but he's very old

That'll be you soon Just use that one I'm going to go with them now And you know what I'm going to do with them now. And you know what? I'm going to do them pasty too because I'm not lying to myself. Freckles. I wasn't the only one that got started there, was I? It's good getting off your chest, isn't it, Megan?

I'm not freckles. You are freckles. I don't have freckles. Are you kidding me? Look at my face. Why are you so against people with freckles? Because now you're saying I'm not something but I'm something else. Now you're misrepresenting me and I don't like it. So how do you think the emoji feels when you're using the wrong skin tone?

Stop it. The people of emoji Hawaii are like, no. Get something better to worry about. It's emoji appropriation, Megan. Get something better to worry about. You don't want to be appropriating emoji culture. Mate, you've wound me up now. Taking down people bigger than you.

You've right wound me up. I'm not having it. I've got advice now from a woman who went on 100 dates in one year. Jeez, that's every couple of days. CBF. Yeah. She had two divorces. Then she broke up with a boyfriend, and she was feeling sorry for herself, so she's like,

do you know what? I'm going to get my aunt again. Now, you know, this weekend, Caitlin turns, it's Jessica Caitlin's birthday, and you'd think she was turning 50 the way she's going on about it. Well, yeah, I am getting older. We all do that. I have wrinkles on my forehead now.

Look at that. Can you see that? No. Sometimes I do my makeup, and then I am getting older. We all do that. And I have wrinkles on my forehead now. Look at that. Can you see that? No. Sometimes I do my makeup and then I do my fringe and then I look back up and I've got all these wrinkles on my forehead. That happens to all of us. You're all right, babes. God, you're 27.

Calm down. I'm going to be 28. I've got a permanent one. And it goes this way. Look. Can you see it? We call those fletch lines. Yeah, this is my fletch line.

You've got a Vaughn line as well. Yeah, that's my Vaughn line up there. That's the cuter one. Fletch is in here. People often confuse them, but you can tell Vaughn's the cuter one. Fletch is bigger. Vaughn's just little. Do you have a Megan line?

No, no Megan line. Oh, my God. All right, well, we've got a couple of Megan freckles there, don't you? Oh, stop it. Here's some advice. He can't help himself. So here's some advice, Caitlin. Yeah. Because, you know, you are a little concerned that your birthday's some advice. He can't help himself. So here's some advice, Caitlin. Yeah.

Because, you know, you are a little concerned that your birthday's on Saturday and you haven't found a husband. And you want to get married and have babies. I wanted to be married at 28, so I've got a day. Three days. So number one from this woman who went on 100 dates, she would know, yes, your couch is comfortable, but you'll never meet anyone if you never leave the house.

Oh, but I don't want to. My couch is uncomfortable. And I'll tell you who made it uncomfortable. The woman I married. Oh, that's right. She sold my comfy couch and bought the huckery, nice looking ones.

You could have disagreed. I did disagree strongly. Well, have you ever eaten it single because you've been fighting about the couch? I'm going straight back for the York. Yeah, okay. Finding love makes all the hassle and heartbreak worth it. So no matter how

hard it is to get there, once you do, you'll forget about it. You'll be like, oh my gosh, it was so worth it. But like, Vaughn didn't really have to try that hard. Abe. No. He's an anomaly. You can't explain my life because I've never tried hard at anything.

And it's all going okay. And Megan, you didn't have to try. Like, Toyboy fell in. Excuse me. You didn't have to try. She got married

and divorced once. Oh yeah, apart from that. No, we don't talk about that. You said we don't talk about the first marriage. No,

I said the first one doesn't count. Yeah, it doesn't count. It's finding, like, love. Right. Like, serious. Oh God, I said the first one doesn't count. Yeah, it doesn't count. It's finding, like, love. Right.

Serious. Oh, God, I'm really... Yep. Number three. Oh, this is really sad. Once a week, sit at a bar or eat at a restaurant by yourself. Just because then it gives someone an opportunity. I can't do that.

You like doing things by yourself? Nah, because the movies don't really sort of encourage conversation, do they? What if someone comes up to me and wants to chat and I'm like, I don't want to chat to you, though? Oh, well, then I can't help it. I wouldn't have gone to the bar that night, probably. True as that is one of the nights where you don't. That's so lonely.

And then what if girls start chatting to me? Because I'm very approachable. What if girls start chatting to me? That's good. Give yourself a little wingman lady thing. I've got too many friends. I don't need any more friends. Okay.

It's quite stressful trying to catch up. Only lovers need a ply then is what you're saying. Yeah. Okay. The fourth piece of dating advice from this woman who went on 100 dates is it's a numbers game. So she went on 100 dates and she said, 100 dates more or less you will meet someone remarkable because it's stats. But why did she keep going on dates?

Surely she would have found someone eventually. She set herself the target to do it. Right. What if she met the dream man at, say, date 41? And then she's got... She's like, sorry, I've said I'm going to do this. I've got to keep dating. 59.

Wait for me. If he waits for her, then he's the one. Why should he wait for her? Well, she goes on other dates. Because it's your soulmate. You always wait for your soulmate. What if he's waiting for her and she finds out 68's better than 41? Poor dirt, he's waited for nothing.

Online dating isn't as hopeless as it seems. She says keep being persistent because she's had some fantastic dates and made some enduring friendships on dating websites. She says she's had enough friends. She doesn't need enduring friendships. Be patient and embrace the adventure. So even though you go on a date and it might be bad, just be like, okay, well I learnt something about

myself. Embrace every date for what it is. And the last one, which is my favourite for Caitlin, let people know that you're on the market. Don't be shy about mentioning to friends, family, on national radio that you're looking for someone. You should start doing that. Do you guys know that I need a boyfriend?

I had no idea. Yeah. Oh, okay. I'd quite like a boyfriend. It seems that sort of thing you should have brought up. Yeah, I should have said something. Yeah. Yeah.

I'll tell my mum because I haven't talked to her about it every day since I was born. First words. That would be weird. She's like, say mama. Boyfriend. That's unusual. I don't know what that means to the future, but okay. Marriage.

No, I don't know if we're moving too fast here. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is if airborne was a country, it would be the 156th most populous country in the world at any given time. Oh, all the amount of people in the air. Yes. Right. The amount of people airborne at any given time.

So this is from stats. This is from, I believe they got most of these stats from that awesome website and app, Flight Tracker. Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, so good. You can watch planes scooting by. You're like, what kind of plane is that? Where's it going? How long is it going to be airborne for?

Or you could do something that's actually interesting. But I choose to spend my time in weird ways. So they said at any given time, the average amount of planes in the sky were 9,700 and if you've ever opened up that app and zoomed right out that should be no surprise, there are literally planes bloody everywhere and it freaks you out, you're like why are they crashing into each other

but then you realise that it's scale well out of scale so these 9,700 planes are flying around carrying on average 1.2 million people at any given time are airborne. So if it was a country, it would be right between Estonia and East Timor in population wise.

Huh. Yeah. Wow. At any given time. Also interesting, the lightest day for air traffic by way of the amount of planes airborne. Yep. So January 1st seems to be the lightest day. Oh, because.

From recent years. Everyone's hungover and you don't want to fly. Yeah, I guess if you're flying somewhere for New Year's, you're there. Yeah. Yeah. Or if you're, not a lot of business happens at that time, so business flights would be down. Yeah, true.

It's that New Year's period, isn't it? Yeah. So there were only 3,354 planes in the sky at the most on january 1st okay and uh this week that we're currently in is traditionally the busiest week why yeah of yeah this week the first week of august is always the busiest week for air travel uh 12 000 planes carrying 1.5 million people were skybound at the same moment. And August 5th was when it peaked in 2016. Why is that?

Is it end of holidays in America or Europe? Well, at the moment, I know it's summer holidays because my mates that live in the UK, their kids are off school. Right. So I guess it's summer holidays over there. And then everyone flies back from vacation. Yeah, they go to a lot of European vacations and people may fly around America. And here at home, this is kind of like when people go

on a nice little tropical getaway, right? Yeah. But the amount of bloody people I know that in the last couple of months have been to Hawaii or Fiji or Samoa. Or Bali. Yeah, or Bali. Blow your mind.

Blow your mind. I mean, I shouldn't have went to Fiji over Easter, but I think I went too early. We were still experiencing nice warm weather. Yeah, yeah. And now everyone's going in the height of winter. You but I think I went too early. We were still experiencing nice, warm weather. Yeah, yeah. And now everyone's going in the height of winter. You're like, I should have waited. Good idea, that.

I should have waited. Yeah, but with 1.5 million people in the air, it would have been the 151st most populated country, jumping quite a bit there from where it was on average. Interesting. So today's fact of the day is that if being airborne was a country, it would be the 156th most populous country in the world. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Hey. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- And look, correct me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't look to be laminated. Oh, goodness. It's just to be stuck up. What a sign crime. A bold font, but a sort of a soft, cornered font. So they're trying to make themselves look somewhat casual in their approach. Not a hard font, you know, with the serif bottom that really says business. This is more just a, hey, guys. Not Comic Sans-y. Right, in the middle.

Almost there. That's the font breakdown. It says minimum $5 fine for eating unpaid items. Full stop. Thanks. Meaning that if you eat on your rounds before you pay for it, you'll be fined at least $5 for doing so. I don't think they could do that.

The sign wasn't there at the end of the day yesterday. Didn't last long, the sign. Did you go for a look? Because somebody tweeted about it, and this is what caused it to be in the news. Right. The media picked up on it. And I think the supermarket said,

look, we're just having a lot of problems with people snicking stuff. So they call it a consume and dump. Consume and dump. It makes it sound like you're literally eating and then doing a poo somewhere. They just grab the wrapper, eat it, and then chuck it away. And then they could say, I'm going to scan it when I get there and pay for it.

Yeah. Because that's the old vibe. If you got a few Cheerios from the deli at the start of your supermarket rounds, you would hold on to the bag and scan the empty bag. But how many bags have you seen poked in between the cinnamon and the cumin? Would they be next

to each other? They'd be close. Yeah, they'd probably be close. Cinnamon, coriander flakes would probably be close to giving it CO

and not CU. Yeah. But yeah, poked in there and not actually paid for. They're saying it's become a bit of a problem for them.

Also, if you eat while you're shopping, and I've never done this, I've never been a fan, but I did see someone doing this the other day. It's weird. I don't, you can't use the self-service checkouts because you're taking away the weight of

the product. Oh true, and you scan it and it's like put the item in the bag in your ear and you put it in and it's like, put the item in the bag in your ear, like it's in there, they're like no it's not. But I don't even eat my stuff and I still get that so maybe it doesn't matter. Yeah. I don't know. I was at the Picamix the other day and a lady was literally like, a scoop for her and some for her mouth.

So she scooped in the bag and then just poured it. She's like eating as well. I was looking at her and I was like, you are so brazen. That's straight out theft, that is. Yeah. And you can't eat from your pick and mix

because that gets weighed at the checkout. Yeah. So you still can't do that but then some people don't have a problem. That's why she's eating it before it goes in the bag. But some people don't have a problem with eating something that they are going to pay for. Like they have all intention of paying for it.

Yeah. Who are those people? They're mad. Yeah. Oh, hungover people. I've done it when I was hungover. I was really thirsty and I needed the juice. I've never done it.

So I had the juice and then just scanned the, paid for the bottle at the end saying, sorry, I drank this the wrong way around. They didn't have a problem with that? I think it's if your parents did it too because my parents never allowed it. No. But some people would. And then there's the free fruit so if your kids are hungry you just tell them to grab a bit of fruit. I know I always look at that and I'm like well I'm a kid at heart.

I could really do with a nanny. But I don't do it either. I always wonder if they're the ones that have gone on the floor. You know when you're getting an apple. No, but if it's a banana, like. Oh, yeah, but an apple. I'm thinking, you know, you grab an apple and one bounces on the floor and you just pretend you didn't see it.

No, it's always the yuck apples, like the Braeburns. Oh, okay. Those 1980s apple brands. Right. That are still around because old people love them. Red Delicious, et cetera. But we'd like to know this morning, do you eat on the way around? And what's okay to eat before you've paid for it?

Yeah. If you're an eater before you pay for it, do you have some sort of moral line that you won't cross? Yeah. Or is it just all on as long as you pay for it at the end? I'd like to know if anybody's been in trouble eating around while you do your shopping. Yeah.

If it's got you in trouble. If I worked here, I wouldn't tell them off. I'd follow them, keep an eye on them. I'd spy on them and buzz into security and be like, yeah, we've got to follow them on the cameras and just make sure they pay for that. In case they dump the rapids. And then they dump it and you can pay them. Okay.

Well, 0800 DALES AT M9696. You're talking about when you eat while you do your supermarket shopping and Emma, you just did this yesterday. I went to the supermarket without my husband and my two young children

and so I wanted to enjoy some chocolate in peace and the only way to do that was to eat it while I was walking around the supermarket. Yeah, because if you get back into the car

they'll be able to smell it in the car and you wouldn't dare take it home because they'll sniff you out at 50 yards. Exactly. And do you know what the best thing was? What? The checkout guy scanned it and then threw away the rubbish so I didn't even have to hide the evidence.

Wow. Good man. So they didn't care that you were eating while you were shopping? No, he just laughed. Okay. Fine. He just laughed. Okay. Fine. He gets it. Okay.

You need that time. That's quite a good excuse, I think. Yeah. I mean, I guess as long as you're going to pay for it right, who cares? Yeah. Oh, that's what I reckon. But it's the problem with people not paying for it that's letting the good people like yourselves who just want to enjoy a quiet, non-shared chocolate bar, they're going to

drag everybody like you guys down. Sorry. Thanks. You call Emma. Eli, what do you do when you go to the supermarket eating before you pay Wise? I actually, I pre-plan my supermarket trips a bit peckish. Okay. I get to the point where I pick my trolleys, and instead of getting those big, deep buggers,

I get one of the shallow ones with a little kitty seat in it. Okay. Oh, yeah. After making my way and passing through the fruits and vegetables, I get to the little deli area, and I get a little pothole of, you know, a little plastic tub of Greek salad, and then I get the bio cutlery

and a little pack of Kransky sausages from, you know, where next to the roast chickens are. Yeah. I get all these, and I lay them out on my little table, and then I get one of those orange juices. It's not one of the trash, like, just juice ones. It's like a nice Arana juice. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Treat yourself. We're talking pulpy. We Arana juice. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Treat yourself. We're talking pulpy. We're talking squeezed. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, this is nice. This is high-pulp, high-quality, good juice. You know, I nearly needed

to wash down my meal. He's preaching. So you're doing the supermarket shop and you're having the full spread and this is all happening where the baby sits

in the supermarket trolley. Yeah, yeah. I'd rather have food than kids. Okay. Very true. Although somebody else's kids... But you're probably getting their poos. Yeah, someone else's kid's shitty bum's been in that seat,

but we'll talk about that later. That's a good point, mate. But everything you've got is barcoded, so when you get the end, you can pay for what you've snacked upon. Yeah, the little fellow over here, he's already weighed out my Greek salad and he's put the little price on the top of it. So all I have to do is keep

the lid and they scan it. And just like the lady before me said, they chuck it in the bin for you too. So they don't care. No one's ever hit you up about it walking around with your wee meal. I don't know. I feel like if I saw someone doing it, it's not the kind of person I'd want to question. Exactly. You're overly confident. It's the people who look a little

nervy and a little bit like they're doing something wrong. Or you've got Eli who's literally running a mobile restaurant. Alright, Eli, thanks for your calls and text messages. Somebody else said, can you go through auto-check with rappers? That's what we were saying here. The self-serve checkout, it won't work.

No. I mean, you could probably call a supervisor over and they'd cancel the wait. You know how they, if an item isn't in there, but it is, they just cancel it. But you'd still pay for it, I guess. Yeah. Somebody else said, I always pay in cash,

so I always know I'm going to have the cash on me. Right. And then I've, this has come up before, people saying you can't do that until you've paid for it and said, look, I've got the ability to pay for it, so don't worry about it. Right, yeah. Don't worry about yourself, sweetheart.

You just carry on carrying on. Somebody said, if you've ever shopped with three children in tow, which my mother had to, and remembering it even from the child side of things, we were terrible. They said you'll appreciate that food can often equal silence. Yeah, right.

So you give them a little something, but it's always something that can be paid for at the end by scanning a barcode. Okay.