ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - August 07 2018

Episode Date: August 6, 2018

Megan had a fall this morning, controversial burger ingredients and what are your weird family names for things?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. You can stay connected with free Wi-Fi a gig a day on the $19 Spark prepaid rollover pack. Enjoy. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, two minutes past six. Good morning. Done it again.

I haven't got my headphones out. It's like a builder arriving at the job without his hammer on his back. Or something, I don't know. What else? Something like that. Whale first aid. Yeah. How big?

What's whale first aid? Like a plaster. A bucket. A bucket, no. Wet towel. Do you do CPR on a whale? Hard to get your mouth, like you get a good seal around the blowhole.

And then if it coughs, Christ, it'll fill you up. If you're having a good seal and the whale's like, you'd be like, and you're like, who's the one that turns into a blueberry in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Violet.

Violet. Violet. Violet. You're turning violet, Violet. You wouldn't be turning violet, but you'd be full of whale. Bet they got stank breath to all that cream. Oh, yeah. Nothing but seafood. You'd have a tangy breath.

No one's doing mouth-to-mouth in a whale, are they? They're big whales, though, eh? They're not the usual ironically named pilot whales. They're usually the ones that beach. Yeah. These look like big suckers. It's always sad. Always sad.

Horrible, yeah. Alright. Alright, you lot. Listen up. It's story time. Alright, story time. Three news headlines. Megan and Vaughan

picked one of the following three. Headline one, nursing home great escape. Headline two pick one of the following three. Headline one, nursing home, great escape. Headline two, parents of the year, arrested. And headline three, here, catch. Okay, so the story about the German men that got out of the rest home to go to the heavy metal festival. Oh, yeah.

Yes, that is story one, correct. They snuck out of the rest home. How old were heavy metal festival. Oh, yeah. Yes, that is one of them. That is story one, correct. They snuck out of the rest home. How old were they? They were in their 80s, right? Yeah, old enough to be in a rest home. Yeah, two elderly men. They were found at 3 a.m. at the Wacken Open Air Heavy Metal Festival.

I can't see. 3 a.m., what an effort. Oh, in this story, I can't see their age. It doesn't say. It just says elderly. Yeah. But they escaped from their home and they went to a heavy metal concert. Never too old to appreciate music.

No. I just couldn't imagine. Are they not allowed to go? Like if they bought tickets, could they not get like a pass to go? I don't know if it was that sort of home. I don't know if it was a sort of retirement village where you can have a day out. Right. More of a home, maybe.

A nursing home. Oh, right, right, right. But they got out and they had a great old time. And now everyone's hailing them as absolute legends. Yeah, I mean, maybe they just didn't tell anyone. So nurses called police. They were found at 3am. They probably just heard the noise and started following it

to tell them to shut up. Yeah. It's a real old mate thing to do. It is. Just find the noise and then just stand there telling them to shut up. Yeah.

Okay, so... So we don't need that one. Three? I think three. Hair catch. All parents of the year are arrested. You want hair catch? Yeah.

Okay, we go to the UK where James Oliver is 24. He runs his own waste removal business. Okay. You know, you see those people and they come around and pick up your crap, fill up a truck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. Often for the scrap metal or... Yeah, or just because you can't be bothered going to the dump and, you know, so it's pretty handy. They were clearing out a house, James and his co-worker, Connor, who's 22, when James found what looked like

a grenade. So he said to his mate, here, catch. And they played catch for a while, throwing it back and forwards to each other. And that is when they said, well, I wonder if this is real. And it was, in fact, a classic World War II grenade. I'll show you the photo. Do you think that would be real? No. It doesn't look real, eh? It looks like a stereotypical drawing.

I thought grenades were rounder. That's quite a slender. It's a slender one, isn't it? It's metal, isn't it? It looks metal. But grenades are metal. Oh. I thought they were

like green plasticky looking things. No they're metal because part of it is when it explodes see how it's shaped how it's thicker and then there's

the indent thin bits it blows apart like shrapnel and that's the real dangerous part of the grenade. The explosion and then the added

shrapnel. But they're also filled with like yeah yeah on the inside there's like little pellets and stuff, right? Like little ball bearings. Yeah, well, anyway, bomb disposal turned up.

Men were quoted as saying, we didn't think it was real. We were driving around with it all day. We threw it at each other a few times. It was only after James showed the grenade to a friend that one of them said, okay, that's definitely a real grenade from like World War II era. Imagine if they had, because it's got a pin on it.

Imagine if you chucked it around the rear view mirror. And the pin just pulled it. And it was just like jangling there and then one day it gets a little tug and that's it. Lights out. Idiots. But yeah, I mean, they're alive to tell the tale.

You say idiots, but we'd do the same thing. Probably right, actually. I think most people would. Who would believe they'd find a real... So that's World War II era grenade. Yeah, how do you just have that? Like, did Grandad have it around in the cupboard or something? Always blows my mind they're still finding explosives from World War II.

I know, they're always like cordoning off streets in Germany and England. Yeah. When they find some old explosives. They found some missile in the or some bomb in the basement of a building. FM. Do you like chocolate? Yes. Stupid question. Do you sometimes want

a new job? Careful how you answer that. Might get offended. Do you want to live overseas? Yes. Wow, that depends. There's a huge world out there. want to live overseas? Yes. Wow, that depends. That depends where. There's a huge world out there.

Italy. Oh, yeah. No. Have you seen how beautiful it is? Wine and cheese. Yeah. And you love cheese and wine. I do love wine and cheese and Italians. Yeah.

And pizza. You love wine. And gelato. Oh, yeah. God. Yeah, I'm more of an ice cream guy. Like, gelato just tricks him. But he wizardry, isn't it?

Like, I just think I'd prefer a creamy ice cream. Well,, gelato's just tricks and bloody wizardry, isn't it? Like, I just think I'd prefer a creamy ice cream. Well, there is a job listing for... Is it the Pope?

Is it being Pope? No. Because he lives in Italy. Well, he lives in the thing inside Italy, doesn't he?

I'd shake things up if I was the Pope. Me too, cool. We'd go quite liberal. Yeah,

yeah, quite quickly. For a Yeah. Quite quickly. For a start, I'd make you pronounce it cat-holics, not Catholics. Agreed. Agreed. Actually, be bread when they do their communion, not just some huckery wafer. Oh, yeah.

And it would be way over for the communion. Good call. I'd paint over that ceiling too. The Sistine Chapel. Yeah. You know what I'd put in? You know, I'd raise the floor or put a mezzanine in. So you're closer. So you can actually appreciate it.

I was going to put in one of those ceiling tiles with all the holes in them. Oh, so people can count them. So you can count when you're bored in the church. Yeah. Can you bring anything to this BYO? Like, can you bring a RTD to put in your communion? Oh, as long as it's red. Oh, okay.

Oh, yeah. Raspberry Cruiser. Yeah, Raspberry Cru Oh, yeah. Raspberry Cruiser. Yeah, Raspberry Cruiser. Yeah. Strawberry vodka situation. I'm in. What's this job? Well, this job is in a small town of Alba,

which is in Italy's northern Piedmont region. Now, it requires you to taste chocolate. Well, specifically Nutella. So Nutella want people who are going to learn how to taste chocolate. Well, specifically Nutella. So Nutella want people who are going to learn how to taste cocoa, hazelnut grains and other semi-finished sweet products. You don't have to have any experience. Right. They do say you

must have no allergies because otherwise you... Oh yeah. You don't want a nut allergy. Yeah. You're swelling up. You're swelling up and you're closing. Wonder how many of them died before they had to put that in the job description. So you need to work four hours a week

of eating Nutella. Oh, you'd get so fat though, eh? Because you'd have to eat a lot. Yeah, it can be spread out over a couple of days. You don't have to do four hours in one day. And you have to know how to use a computer. This is the catch. You have to move to Italy and you have to be able to speak Italian.

Oh. E vada da che. I don't. Bye. E vada da che. Are you just going to say that in your job interview? Well, that's what you say and then they're like, he's a man that's pretty keen to get to it and not muck around.

How long do you reckon you could last at a job using Google Translate? I don't know. I'm going to give it a go. Is Nutella in Italian just Nutella? Nutella. I don't know. I just speak like Mario from Mario Kart. What's your name?

I'm Mario. And what do you want to do? I'm going to win. Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. Oh, God. What's your name? I'm Mario. And what do you want to do? I'm going to win. That's a bit offensive. That's a no. Mario's a national hero. An Italian national hero invented by a Japanese company voiced by an American. It's an international Italian, you know, free for all.

There is a new health warning on Instagram. It's not official. These are just researchers. They did a massive study, interviewed 356 women aged between 17 and 30 who use Instagram on the daily. Right. And they have discovered that mantras

like exercise to be fit, not skinny, strong as a new skinny, strong as sexy, skinny is not sexy, all that kind of stuff. Fitspiration, you know the ones. Yep. These are actually just as bad for you as promoting, like, thinness. I find I don't read hot people's captions.

My mind is the picture says it's worth a thousand words. Even just the images. Just enjoy the image. So are you saying it's bad? Are you talking about like a Fitsbo account and it's got words, quotes, or are you talking about

is it a sexy picture of someone thin and a quote underneath? Yeah. Not someone thin, I'm talking Fitsbo. Right, okay. So they've said the desire for thinness in any form is enough to elicit harmful outcomes, irrespective of any coexisting muscular body goals.

Because the reality is if you have a very toned muscular body, you're also slender. Like you've got less fat on you because your muscles are showing through. But then you wouldn't, do you follow many of these people? Yeah. Why? I don't know, because then you're like, oh, that's a good workout, or like Kayla Estones.

So there's fitness without the F, right? That's Kayla Etnes, that's Kayla Fitness. Oh, right, okay. It's not her real name, is it? It's It's Signs. Okay, I can't read. See, why bother reading the captions or the names? It's Signs.

Yeah, I don't know how to say it, but everyone knows who she is. Yeah. Yeah. You should just follow Hawkeyes with six packs and stuff. The captions or the names. And the signs. Yeah, I don't know how to say it. But everyone knows who she is. Yeah. Yeah. And you should just follow hot guys with six packs and stuff. No, but you're looking to the, like, those Fitspo accounts for, like, Fitspiration. No, you're doing it all wrong. Follow hot guys and be like, he must do some sit-ups.

I'll do some sit-ups too. But in the meantime, hello. Like, there's a nice little piece of eye candy. True. Yeah, there's a nice little piece of eye candy. True. Yeah, I guess. I don't, yeah, I don't follow any

like fitness guys. Yeah. You should. But 30 minutes a day. Because they do, they do the workouts too but then there's a bit

of something there for you. but they say boy workouts. Like, I'm not going to do those workouts. But do you even do their workouts? Yeah. Well, you try. She makes it look easy, workouts. But do you ever do their workouts? Yeah.

Well, you try. She makes it look easy, Kayla. Does it make you feel bad? Yeah. I guess it does. Because it says 30 minutes a day is all it's going to take for you to just be like, okay, well, you feel bad about yourself. 30 minutes a day? Remember all the old ab roller ads were only three minutes a day.

30 minutes of scrolling on your Instagram. Right. So you should just unfollow the Fitspo accounts. But just follow hot people. You're not going to be able to follow, like, heaps of hot guys with six packs. How will Mr. Toyboy feel about that? I know, when you're just sitting beside each other

and you're scrolling on your feed and you just look over and you'd be like, well, what's all that about? You sit on different couches when you're scrolling through your feed. Are you nuts? You you're scrolling through your feed. Are you nuts? You don't scroll through your feed when your partner can see your screen. Are you bloody crazy? Yeah, you're the worst. Vaughan Smith's guide to a long and happy marriage.

Yeah, different couches. It's like when I see you looking through your stories. I'm like, who is that? You're like, oh, that's hot chick. I'm getting fitness inspiration. God, all of them are in Greece at the moment too.

I'm sitting here in bloody miserable cold New Zealand. It's hot in Greece

on boats in the Bahamas. Who's that? It's this really nice girl. How hot

do you have to be before you just get to go around the world? Yeah, I don't know. Any of us

were not. No, it's not pretty. We're not going to do all the sit-ups in the world, eh? We're not going to the bloody, we're not going to a Greek boat party, are we? No, I mean, we could probably email a hotel in Greece and see if they'll give us a free hotel,

but they'll probably deny us. What does it know? Once they look at us. Back block shitty place in Athens. Oh, imagine being a motel influencer. Oh! It's an untapped market. It's because, you know, people need to still stay in motels.

Motorins, lodges. Exactly. They don't need to be in resorts. It's for the second tier lookers on Instagram. You know, these high end holidays, not everyone, it's not achievable for everyone. No, no, no. It's not. Hit it mid-level.

You know, your motels, your camping grounds. Super hot people get it for free and influence like ugly rich people. But what about average looking people to average looking person? It's motel, baby. I will happily stay in a Bella Vista if they give it to me for free. I'll put it on my Instagram. I'll do a sexy photo shoot on your pool, in your pool. Yeah.

And they've got like the basic Sky channels too and little sachets of sugar and coffee. And those cute retro big square TVs. Yes, and a spa pool with a plaster in it. I'll Photoshop the plaster out. You're good at influencing. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Paki, paki. Bucky, bucky.

Bucky, bucky. 15-year-old Tristan Mona from Avondale College in Auckland. He has beaten more than 760,000 competitors from over 100 countries in a timed and graded exam in Microsoft PowerPoint. Timed even. Timed, yes. It was as quick as you could do it and thened exam in Microsoft PowerPoint. Timed even. Timed, yeah. So it was as quick as you could do it and then how well you did it. Yeah, right.

So you had to recreate a PowerPoint to the exact specifications in the exam. And he did it. He nailed it. Killed it. And he took home $7,000 prize money. That's one of those ones on my computer I never use, PowerPoint. I'll only use Word and Excel. What do you use Excel for?

No one uses Excel. You stupid spreadsheets. Yucky. Yeah, everyone doesn't use it either. I've got Word open right now. Word's the jam. What about when you do your text? What?

You use a spreadsheet? It is Word. I'd write it on a piece of paper and post it to my account. What if you use Excel? spreadsheet? There's words. I'd write it on a piece of paper and post it to my account. Whatever. You use Excel. I'm the Alan Hubbard of one day business. What do you have to use Excel for? It's all paperwork, babe. Oh, Megan.

You'll have to do your tax return soon, Megan. I've done it. I just go, I don't know what I'm doing. Tell me how much to pay. Bingo. So, did really well and has a few, this is one of the world's

most recognised IT certification programs. 2.3 million certificates delivered annually. So I think you just do it at school. Right. When you're at school. Okay.

And it kind of gives you certification to use these in everyday life. You're telling me there's a whole bunch of people out there that know how to use Excel. Yeah. Well, my sister-in-law on Excel, I watched her on Excel once. Yeah. It was something.

Yeah, right. She was like, I do this, format the cell this, we'll do that and add this, and that goes automatically green. These ones will automatically be green now. I was like, why? It was quite something to watch. Formulas and stuff. Oh, yes. to be green now. I was like, why? It was quite something to watch. There were formulas and stuff.

Oh, yes. So the top six Microsoft Office awards that I couldn't win. Okay. Number six is the inserting a photo into Microsoft Word without having text go around it or through it or not disappearing entirely award. Yes.

That's impossible. Nobody can win that. No one knows how that works. No, you select it and and then you're like, insert from file, and the picture goes in, and it was portrait, but now it's landscape, so it's all stretched out, and the words have gone over top of it.

Yeah. Who knows? No one. Number five on the list of the top six Microsoft Office awards I couldn't win is the Even Knowing What OneNote Does Award. I don't know. What's OneNote?

I don't know. I literally don't know what OneNote is. It's one of their things. So like Microsoft Word, Microsoft Office, Excel, Microsoft OneNote. What are you doing there? I don't know. I don't know it was there

and I just opened my Microsoft Office folder. Yeah. And it was in there and I was like, when did you get in there? I don't know what that is. Yeah. Me neither. Is it for like a keynote speech? What's a keynote speech?

I don't know. Like when you get up and the boss is all like... Is it PowerPoint for Mac? No. Oh, I don't know. A keynote. Is a keynote speech just the person that makes the most important speeches in a series of speeches at one event? I think so, yeah. So you can do a keynote speech. Key person that makes the most important speeches in a series of speeches at one event?

I think so, yeah. So you can do a keynote speech. Keynotes. It must be. I don't know. Number four. Do we sound really stupid or is everyone with us on this? Well, when you did a speech, when I did speeches,

you just had it on a Weebyx box that you cut into handy hand-sized cards so you couldn't see them. That was the rule. And you heard that it was a Weebyx box. And when there was a one-stage, all three of the kids were doing speeches in the same week. Like, good, we needed three Weebyx boxes that week. Dad had to eat a lot of Weebyx.

Number four on the list of the top six Microsoft Office Awards I couldn't win is the naming a Word document anything that isn't just the first line of the document award. Yep. That'll do. Yeah, you just go to, okay, save now. And it's like, what do you want to call this? I'll just call it the top six other Microsoft Office awards I couldn't win because that's

literally the first line of this document I've got open. Number three on the list of the Microsoft Awards I couldn't win is the press the tab key to get a paragraph to scooch over just a little bit and the whole line goes two inches in, but the other lines don't move anymore. Yep. Why does it? Of course, I want bit and the whole line goes two inches in, but the other lines don't move at all. Yep. Why does that? Of course, I want to move the whole paragraph. Indented.

Yeah. Not just the first line. Who would do the first line? Some monstrous. Yeah. Move it all. Scooch over. Scooch, scooch, scooch.

Good luck with that. And then you go, okay, well, I'll go down and press tab again, and then you press it and the front line goes in again. Yeah. And then you press delete on and the front line goes in again. Yeah, and it won't. And then you press delete on that, and everything goes back. And then a picture appears out of nowhere, and all your words are gone. Number two on the list of the top six other Microsoft Office Awards

that I couldn't win is the adding an embedded hyperlinked image into your email signature award. Oh, yeah, they're always like, change your email signature. I'm like, I don't know. I don't even know where to do that. Someone's made us a secret sound banner. Chuck this in your email signature and hyperlink through to the website. I'm like, no.

How's your gross overestimating how many business emails I send? Yeah, I literally send none. I went into my sent items in my emails because I was like, I think I sent that for somebody. I think I'd sent three emails in four weeks. I don't want an award for that, but I want it noted for the record. Outgoing, minimal. Yeah, that whole discussing business over Facebook thing

is really going to bite you in the ass one day. Yeah, it will. When that gets hacked and leaked. Mark Zuckerberg just decides to make a special example of me. And the number one award I would not win at the Microsoft Office Awards is the Anything to Do with Excel at All Award. I freak out when I accidentally open it when the little green X starts bouncing. I'm like, you are not bouncing.

You are shutting right down. And then I hold it down and I force quit them. I don't even give them the chance though. I don't want Excel to get its hopes up. Fair enough. Yeah. It's a very Excel to get its hopes up. Fair enough. Yeah. It's a very confusing program with cells and such. And then I can never remember if I want to add a column or a row.

Yeah. So I want to add a column, but I click row because I get panicky. That's today's top six. So in 2010, a song came out, Love the Way You Lie. Not the song you said before. Not Monster. No, it's not Monster. Who knew Rihanna and Eminem had worked together more than once?

Everyone. Apparently not me. Until today. The Eminem song, Love The Way You Lie, with Rihanna on it, featured a lyric that I always really liked. Yep. Visually, it appealed to me. Visually. Visually.

Visually. It was the line that says, when a hurricane, when a tornado meets a volcano. When a tornado meets a volcano. I always thought, heck, what a thing to imagine. Yeah. What is that? It's a lyrical genius there.

It would be like a. It's a picture in my mind. Yeah, like a fiery... Whirling. Whirling. Yeah. Because the lava would go up. Right, yeah.

You know, but then the lava would cool. Yeah, true. Because it's airborne and the wind's rushing around it. Yeah. It would make lava rocks and chuck them out. Would it then fling rocks or would it make like a huge lava waffle cone? Would it cease?

Would they battle or would they work together? There was a lot to consider when a tornado met a volcano. And it could be

happening in real life as a hurricane a hurricane Hector is heading towards an erupting volcano in Hawaii. They're on the big island.

Yes. Is it Kilauea? Kilauea, yep. Yep. Is still erupting and a hurricane is heading towards it. Oh, jeez. Oh, God. And everybody is like, oh, no.

Oh, my God. I hope the thing happens. That everybody kind of always imagined from that. Oh, yeah. From the Rihanna M&M song. Surely, though, at some stage in the world's existence, in recorded time, a hurricane has met an exploding volcano. Yeah, and maybe your typical volcano setting

isn't where tornadoes usually happen. I know tornadoes and hurricanes are different. One's a huge weather system and one's just kind of happening there and then. But like Kansas and that, they call it Tornado Alley up the middle of America. That's not really volcanic though, is it? It's not really, no. There's not a lot of

volcano stuff happening there. And I don't know whether or not the extreme rain and everything that comes with a hurricane typically will somewhat dampen the volcano's efforts. Is it bad to say I'm excited for this? Yeah. Well, no, it's not bad. I don't want people to die or houses to be destroyed, but I hope someone's got the GoPro out.

Yeah, because it'll be really interesting to see what happens. I mean, in my mind, it's not going to be Sharknado, but no. Will it blow lava around? Nah, because this isn't like the volcano is kind of just like leaking and running everywhere, not like blowing lava straight up. Yeah. But we can hope, we can wish, as long as, you know,

nobody gets hurt. Yeah. Okay. And there's good GoPro footage. Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. The podcast. You guys should treat me nice today because you are extremely lucky to be graced with my presence.

Okay. I might not have been here. Right. I've got, you've taken a fall. I've got a list. Okay. I did actually write this list.

Right. Of what you call a different family than this fall over. So Nan takes a tumble. Grandad's ass up. Yeah. Ass up. Assed up. Mum has a fall.

Yep. Dad hits the deck. Yep. Uncles go ass over tit. Yeah. And aunties go down like a sack of spuds. So that's the official what you have to say when that certain member of your family falls over.

Well, you're an auntie. Your auntie's gone down like a sack of spuds. Brilliant. But that would be a fair description too. Okay, so bearing that in mind, what happened this morning? Well, you know that I've got like a strict, I don't even have time to look at my phone in the mornings. I get up and I have a really tight, strict schedule that I've got like a strict, I don't even have time to look at my phone in the mornings. I get up

and I have a really tight, strict schedule. You've got a regimented schedule. Get dressed, do my hair and makeup. Like, there's a whole list of things I've got to get done. Pack my bag,

make sure I've got my breakfast and then I take Leo outside. He's got to go wheeze in the garden before we can leave. And so I put Leo outside and then he was just not coming in. He was not having it.

So I did all the tricks. I went and got a piece of cheese. I was like, cheese, come on, mate, cheese. Nothing. I shook his like Ziwi treats. He's not buying it. I even grabbed the leash and was like, walkies? He was like, no, not today, mate.

I would have left him out. He was just standing in the middle of the garden looking at me and it was wet. So I was like, I'm not going out there to get him. today, mate. I would have left him out. He was just standing in the middle of the garden looking at me, and it was wet, so I was like, I'm not going out there to get him. Yeah, right. But it got down to the wire, and I was like, okay, this is happening. So I went out and chased my dog around the garden at quarter to five in the morning, and we have a little back deck.

It's not really a deck. There's just wood there. Okay. And, of course, it's been winter. Yeah. So it's had flowers fall deck. There's just wood there. And of course it's been winter. So it's had flowers fall on it, which is slimy. It's had a bit of like dew. It's early in the morning. It hasn't seen a lot

of sun I'm imagining. So there's been some moss growth, some slimy. And so as I ran across that deck to get my dog at quarter to five in the morning, I went down like a sack of spuds. ran across that deck to get my dog at quarter to five in the morning. Yeah. I went down like a sack of spuds. Why did you make him go down like a sack of spuds?

My feet literally went out from under me and it happened so fast. I didn't even like have time to put my arms out. I went down and like landed. As soon as this happened, I thought of you two. And I thought you're going to find this so hilarious. And I landed on my side, on my hip and on my shoulder. And I lay on the ground and I was like, I've fallen. This has happened. I've fallen.

How did this... You think of the last time you actually fell over that good? Like as an adult, it hurts. Yeah, I can't remember actually. Yeah, you do. Yeah, no. And like my actual body hit the ground before my arms or anything. And so I just lay there.

Aunty went down like a sack of spuds. And then your head's the heaviest thing in the world when you hit the deck and your neck's like. Yeah. I was like, I've got sore shoulders now. But I had a wee cry. And now I reckon I still smell like deck. Deck, deck, deck. Some Australians are like, what? What? And now I reckon I still smell like dick. Dick. Dick.

Dick. Some Australians are like, what? What? I smell like wood. Yeah. I smell like. So the dick out the back had a fair bit of moss growing on it, and I slipped and fell on it.

I still smell like duck. Yep. The dick? The dick. Yeah. So, yeah, you need to be nice to me today, because I literally was like, as I was lying there, I was like, oh, I've done myself a mischief

You know how your mum sees that? Yeah, lying there and you're like, alright I'll slowly start to move My limbs independent of each other And see if I can still move them more Give me my phone, I'm going to text them and say I can't come in I know what you mean, but smelling like deck though Like that slightly

Slimy-ish Yeah, it's not pleasant So be nice to me today. I'm feeling sensitive. I'm lucky I didn't break my other hip. Imagine if you'd flopped down the steps. I'd go slinky. In my husband's credit, like he did not laugh at all

because Fletcher's already laughed. No laughing. No, but if he laughs, he's in serious trouble. I can laugh and get away with it because I'm so cute. There's always a moment though you wait and see if they laugh. I actually liked that time you fell off your bike and you broke your knee. What did you break? Your ankle, your knee.

Vaughn and I, did we let out a little laugh? You let out a laugh. And when you first stopped, because it was funny because you started and you stood there and then you fell over into a puddle and I was like. But I was a fair way away. Yeah. And then I heard you crying so I stopped. Yeah.

No, Fletch laughed. You laughed. But only until I knew it was a serious accident, incident and then I stopped. You're supposed to wait until you see if there's laughing or crying. We did have grins on our faces where we were like... I did that thing where you laugh with your eyes where your eyes go really wide. And you're looking around waiting for somebody else to do the first laugh. You're just lucky we weren't there.

Yeah. Yeah. Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. The podcast. Megan just hitting us with some news behind the scenes that warms me. Less than eight weeks till daylight savings. More daylight savings. Which would mean spring is September.

So three weeks. Three and a bit weeks away. Three weeks left of winter. Yes, officially. Which leads me nicely into the story about power usage I'm about to tell you about Dunedin. Okay. Because it gets cold.

Yes. Spoiler. Spoiler alert. If you're moving there for the study next year, she gets pretty nippy. Yeah, you're going to end up sleeping in your puffer jacket next year. Yeah. Just bear that in mind.

That's just something you're going to have to come to terms with. New students. So there's an electric company in New Zealand called Electric Kiwi. And I've seen it advertised. And one of the big advertising sales points is you get to choose an hour a day where the power is free. You don't get charged for one hour a day. Is that every day or just like once?

Every day. You get to choose the hour, but you can't change the hour. You pick an hour that is your free power. I don't know how often you can change it. I don't know what hour I'd go for. I know because when I read this last night, I said to my wife, I'm like, what hour would you go for? And it was a, we debated for ages

about when would be the prime hour to have for free. You'd go for when you cook dinner and when everyone is awake, because then there's like lights and heating. So for us, because we've got kids maybe a little bit earlier, we thought maybe you're six to seven. Because then you'd, it's when you're six to seven. Right.

Because then you'd, it's when it starts to cool off. So you'd crank the heat pump, you'd do all your cooking, you'd have the dryer going. Plug everything into charge. I was going to say she could use the dryer. Well, let's not go crazy. Only on a 60-minute cycle. She'd dare and put it on for 90. Okay.

Anyway, so in Dunedin, it seems the most popular hour that most students have opted for because, you know, that's a fairly attractive thing when you're signing up for a power company, is between nine at night and 10 at night. But it wouldn't just be students, would it?

It's in Dunedin's north. Oh, okay. That just particular problems happen. So that's Dundas Street, Castle Street, all your North Dunedin student haunts. Okay, so students. So nine to ten, I figure that's because you just crank all your heating

just before you go to bed. Yep. So, I mean, you can turn that heat pump on, but the uninsulated house is going to flow right out, but your electric blankets, you charge your phones, you run your dryers, everything. Student plants don't have heat pumps, do they? They've got the

electric heaters and they're the ones that use the most. Oh, the little fan heaters and the grill heaters, so you crank those, but it's been too much for the electricity grid in North Dunedin and there's been regular blackouts when everybody just goes, it's nine.

We charge. It becomes too much for the North Dunedin lines. And someone's talked about how they've had like regular power cuts, six power cuts over two weeks, and they've lasted more than an hour. Oh, wow. But if you weren't paying for that power, you'd open up the oven. You'd open up the fridge. What are you opening the fridge for?

No, you'd open up the oven and put it on 300 fan bake. Yeah. Especially if you don't have a heater. That could be your heater. You might need to open up the fridge. It might be getting too hot. So you'd open up the fridge to counter the heat with a little bit of cool.

But you'd put everything on. Towel rails. Oh, yeah. He rails. Oh yeah. Heaters. Electric blankets. And then it's draining so much power that yeah, the local lines can't handle it. I'm imagining 10 o'clock rolls around and everyone's got a little alarm set on their phone or their watch.

Beep, beep, beep. Everyone panics and just flicks everything off. And then the power can be reset and re-go. So what are they saying? Ease off? Or no, well they can't tell you to-go. Yeah. So what are they saying? Ease off? No, well, they can't tell you to ease off. They got you to sign up because you wanted an hour of free power.

But also, they're not the people that maintain the lines in the area. That's another company called Aurora. Right. Apparently that maintains the electricity lines. So they've got to sort it out and get some more transformers? Yeah. I don't know how it all works. It's been a while since I played SimCity, but you used to drag the

little electric thing all around and get your grids all set up. So yeah, if you're in North Dunedin and your hour of power's been somewhat shortened by the fact that all the power goes off, that's why. Someone's had a real bad driving test. So this person was in Auckland yesterday,

Mount Wellington, and they were doing a driving test with a driving instructor. And they've had a wee whoopsie daisies where you do the classic mix up the pedals. Oh. So it seems as though from witness accounts they were trying to do a three-point pedals. Oh. So it seems as though from witness accounts, they were trying to do a three-point turn.

And instead of hitting the brake, they hit the gas. Now, they haven't just reversed into someone's, like, fence or anything. It's gone straight through the side of a house, right into the lounge. Now, thankfully, no one was in the lounge. So that sounds like a panic. And instead of, like Now thankfully no one was in the lounge. So that sounds like a panic and instead of, like

you're going back and then what they went to hit the brake but got the accelerator instead. Oh it went faster. Whoops a daisies. So it's gone right through the side of a house, right through the bricks and everything right into the lounge. I can see their furniture.

Wow. Okay. Nice furniture? Yeah. Yeah. Looks pretty good. Brown. Oh, it's nice to have a nosey in someone's house, isn't it?

It is, ain't it? Yeah. So the driving instructor was then seen walking down the road, holding his head back to the deaf holders. So I don't know. I think they were doing like a driving lesson. I don't think it was like a Test

If it was a lesson doesn't the instructor Have a break on that side Not every time You have to buy those cars specifically But no not every time I almost hit the fence That shuts down under the garage Yesterday because I got my left

My right foot interfered on the left side. How? I don't know. I don't know what happened. I had a momentary lapse and I like nearly went through that fence down there. Oh, did you wait in a manual? Yeah, in the manual. You took a tumble on your deck this morning. You went down like a sack of spuds. And now

Aunty over here is mixing up the pedals. What's going on? I was like, well, that was lucky. That would have been really embarrassing. I don't need to crash into work because then everyone will hear about it. Yeah. I was very close to that down there. Wait, so you're driving a manual?

Yeah. And what did you say? Your left foot got over in the right foot's business? Well, yeah. No, the left foot should never go into the right foot's business. You know how the left foot always needs to stay on the clutch? Like in an automatic, the left foot should never go into the right foot's business. I know, you know how the left foot always needs to stay on the clutch? Like in an automatic, the left foot doesn't do anything. It has a little resting place.

Yeah. But in my car, manual, it always stays on the clutch side. Yeah. But I don't know, I decided to go over the other side by the accelerator. Oh, no, sure. That's a big jump. Oh, that would have been great, too, because there's security footage in the basement. Yeah.

That would have been caught on cam. Great for you. You would have been like that person who last time crashed into that little rolly down gate and the gate got shut and everyone got trapped in there. Haha, said the guy named Vaughn who had left work earlier that day and escaped. Because imagine being stuck here.

They'd want you to do something. I'd be like, well, if you're here, you might as well do some work. I'd be like, what a ghastly proposition. I shan't. I'll be catching an Uber home. I'll see you tomorrow. Last night, Megan and I attended a onesie and pajama party. I was a panda.

You were a pretty cute panda. Pretty cute panda. Pretty cute panda. Did you keep your onesie? No, it's just a work cute panda. Pretty cute panda. Pretty cute panda. Could you keep your onesie? No, it's just a work onesie. Oh, right. It's back in the circulation and storage. Do they not give it a wash?

You were sweating in that. I think they will give it a wash. Okay, that's good to know. It's a very hot onesie. It's very hot. Yeah. So, Megan, you opted for the nighty blouse. I was in a robe, yeah.

A robe. But it was like a real flash one. It was because I said, am I okay to wear like a satin robe? But it wasn't like a sexy one. I thought that was just a joke. No, it was long and there was no lace or anything. It was just like satin. I don't want you to think I was trying to like sex it up or anything.

So Megan's there with her nice robe and then her slippers. And this is where this comes up. Megan calls slippers dipper dops. Dipper dops. Your dipper dops. And apparently this is a family thing that they do. Yeah. And apparently lots of people call them dipper dops. It's weird to me like saying slippers

because like that's what I say if you're out in public but like at home it's always dippers. Get your dippers or your dipper doffs. Is it because slippers, slippies, slippies, dippies, dippies just goes with doffs? Is that the evolution of that? Maybe it's more to do with the sound. I don't know because my mum just always called them that.

But your family had names for everything. Yeah, like your face is your mush. Like you've got something on your mush. Your mush. We'd say muffa, but that was more like the dogs. Is that your face? No, the dogs. The thing that comes out of a dog's face.

Like the snout. It was always the muffa. Right. Okay. But your dog's got stuff all around its muffa. Oh, yeah. That's kind of like mush. Is it because they just evolve from when you were a kid?

I reckon. And that's what you call them. And then because they just evolve from when you were a kid? I reckon. And that's what you call them? And then so when you grow up, they just don't change? Yeah. They keep calling, just like family nicknames for things. Your family slang. My mum has lots of strange words for things. Those are the ones I can think of at the moment.

Well, no, Pete, we've talked about that. Oh, peach. That's what she calls her hands. Peachies. I don't like it when people say things that are like a peachy colour. I'm like, oh, yeah. Is it the colour? No, I don't know.

I don't know where it came from. Kind of the look. Right. The look of it. It made me laugh. And I thought this morning on the show, we need to open up the phone lines and ask you, listening now, what weird names your family has for things.

Yeah. That you just. Would we say weird or cute? Could be, yeah. Okay, weird or cute. Yeah, thank you. Or different. Sure.

Could have been cute and evolved into weird as you got older and when people started questioning it. But then maybe you find yourself like at work or in growing up life calling something by the family name and people are like, what? You're weird. What are you talking about? That's weird.

Yeah. That's odd. Or maybe it'll catch on. Maybe. Yeah, you can all call them dipper dobs. I don't mind. Or dippies for sure. I mean, dippies is pretty cute.

I'll just put my dippies on. Yeah. Because slippers sounds like an old person's thing, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah. Just put my slippers on. My dippies. It sounds like you're part of my family

when you say dippies. I don't even have a pair of dippies. Dippy doppers. Nah, neither do I. I've got slides, but... What do you wear when it's cold? On your feet? Socks.

Oh, no, you need dippies. Plus, houses aren't as cold as they... Not all houses, but there are some still... I grew up in houses where if you didn't have slippers on, you were like... Feet would get frozen to the floor. Yeah, right. These old country homes.

But we've got underfloor insulation in our house now, so we don't need the slippers on as much. Okay, 0800-DARLS-IT-M, 9696. What weird names... Slash cute. Slash cute names do you have for things? Maybe you've had them always since growing up? Because I know Christchurch, this is a bit different,

but Christchurch people, South Island people call vacuum cleaners luxes. There's like South, South. That's a regional thing though, right? Yeah. Did your family have any other ones, James, growing up in Canterbury? No, it was always the lux. But also for some reason, it was just my family, we decided to pronounce nachos the traditional,

almost Mexican way of nachos. Nachos. Yeah, so we decided to pronounce nachos the traditional almost Mexican way of nachos. Nachos. So we'd always have nachos. So your mum would say hola. So James, tonight for dinner we're just going to have nachos. Out of nowhere. Nachos.

I don't know where that came from but we just decided to do it. I'm dying. In a Kiwi accent it just literally sounds like she's pronouncing it how it's written down.

Yeah. Because we say nachos almost ignoring a bit of the H. She's going nachos. Just be shortened at the end.

I don't know if that is the right way of saying it or not but. We'll be having nachos which is mince on chops. It's just the way my voice said it, yeah.

Okay, well, 0800-DARLS-AT-M 9696 FEM We're talking about the cute, weird family names you have for things.

So, our family calls slippers dipper-dops. Just always have it. I don't know where it comes from. And you slip on the dippies. Slip on the dippies for sure.

I'm amazed at the amount of messages we've had. This is some of them. Because they're coming in so fast, on the dippies for sure. I'm amazed at the amount of messages we've had. This is some of them. Because I'm coming in so fast, I've been composing a word document

trying to keep up. Right. In our house, in our family, extended family as well, they never called a clothes horse. You know the things

you fold out or a clothes arrow, they call it a hooty-gooty. Hooty-gooty. Get the hooty-gooty. Get the hooty-gooty for me. The hooty-gooty. Hooty-gooty. Get the hooty-gooty. Get the hooty-gooty for me. The hooty-gooty. I like that.

Yeah, it's a good one. If you had knots in your hair when we were little, it was called jimmy tugs. Like, oh, yeah, he is full of jimmy tugs when mum was brushing their hair. Where does that come from? Oh, this is so cute. I don't know.

Dressing gowns were always called bibbins. Come on, it's a bit cold. Go get your bibbins. Your bibbins and your dippies. Bibbins and your dippy dops. Windscreen wipers in a car were called the wish-a-squisher. Or is there something on your windscreen? Give it a go with the wish-a-squisher.

We call them wishy-washies, eh? Was that a thing? The wish-a-washers. The wish-a-washers. Yeah. Was that a song? Was that in a kid's song? Mrs. Wishy-washy.

Yeah, something like that. She goes, ooh, ah. Wishy-Washy. Yeah, something like that. She goes, ooh, ah. She goes, ooh, ah. Yeah, it's a classic. I've never heard that song in my life. Down in the valley where nobody goes. Oh, yeah. Mrs. Wishy-Washy-Washy in the clothes.

She goes, ooh, ah. She goes, ooh, ah. It's a classic. I'd say the most popular thing we've heard about that's got a weird name would be the TV remote. Oh, yeah. So these are just some of them that have come in. The Zapper.

The Zapper. The Zapper. The Zapper. The Zapper. Because do you think when it was released, like the TV remote, it was like you were zapping something? Yeah. And it was like a weird technology? People were like, well, how does it know?

Yeah. We're zapping it. Yeah. It's changing the channel. So the Zapper, the driver, the the channel so the zapper the driver the flicker the changer and the dinghy the day someone's family called the uh i don't know why it was called the dinghy dinghy okay um vera is this you or your mum that's i got a weird name for something no me um for my children okay five-year-old and a one-year-old, and when they're sick and they're throwing up, I call it pookies.

Pookies? That sounds way cuter. Way better than a vomit. Way better than a vomit, but then puke, it's like puke, but cuter because you've ookies. Pookies. It's like ookies, yeah. That, I suppose, is ookies. What? Ooks. Ookies. What? Have you never called poos ookies?

No. Oh, right, okay. What? Have you never called poos ookies? No. Oh, right. Okay. What? What? Ookies. What has just happened? It's like pookies. So poos is ookies, but vomiting is pookies.

Is this unrelated? Like, you don't... Wow, this is quite a view. Do you call poos ookies? You and Vera have got this, like, symmetry going on. It's a great word. Oh, my God. It's cute. It makes it cute. You call your poos ookies. You don Vera have got this like symmetry going on. It's a great word. Oh, my God. It's cute.

It makes it cute. You call your poos ookies. You don't need to make poos cute. Yuck. Oh, poor old Vera. She's just sitting there feeling all like awkward about witnessing a grown man calling poos ookies. Oh, my son's going to love this.

You've got a great excuse. You've got kids. He doesn't have an excuse at all. Vera, thanks for your call. So, Tim, what's the weird family name for something you guys have? My mum started calling indicators on a car dicker-dackers. Dicker-dacker. You haven't put your dicker-dacker on.

Oh, they weren't using their dicker-dacker. Oh, that's so cute. Do you still call it that? Yeah, yeah, she still calls it that. I mean, I don't know if I use that in public, but... Yeah, because you wouldn't want to be doing your driving test and you're like, oh, I'll just put my dicker-dacker on here and turn left then.

Is that right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, just because, like, friends have asked me about it when I think I might have used it or my mum used it and I'm like, what? Yeah, that's a joke. Don't be embarrassed. Go on about it.

Yeah. Hey, Tim, thanks for your call. Some other text messages in. Somebody said, I want to add to the remote control. They call theirs the diddler. The diddler. All good, but awkward to explain to people when they first meet them. That sounds like some kind of neighbourhood prowler.

Yeah. Predator. Yeah. The dipped in diddler. Which is actually what they call Bill English now. Wrinkly fingers when you've been in the bath for too long are called collywobbles. Collywobbles. Because they said your fingers look a bit like a cauliflower.

Oh, yeah. Collywobbles. My dad's always called a luncheon sausage. Because they said your fingers look a bit like a cauliflower. Oh, yeah. Collie wobbles. Okay. My dad's always called a luncheon sausage, so like a roll of luncheon sausage, an elephant tongue. Oh, that's creepy. Is it because it looks a bit like an elephant tongue? Maybe. Yeah.

We call lady parts the Doris. The Doris. Oh, that was always the Doris. Okay. My mother used to call my brother's private parts the whistles. Have they cleaned your whistles? Sure made sports entertaining when someone was like, who's got the whistles and blowing the whistles.

Yeah, mum was setting you up for that, wasn't she? Someone said, please tell me my family wasn't the only family that called milk moo juice. Moo juice? Moo juice. That's great. Yeah. I love that.

Bananas were never bananas in my house. They were banoonanoonas. Banoonanoonas. That's good. That's got a fun feel to it. That's so good. Yeah. So cute.

Medicine was always referred to as mootie in our house. Come and have your mootie. This is interesting. Belly buttons were doot-doots and blenders were whiz-wise. Doot-doot. This honestly is some tally-tubble level stuff. Bumpy dogs were judder bars. That's actually quite dark when you think about it.

So you're running over a dog they're called sleeping aren't they called sleeping dogs or sleeping some countries call them sleeping dogs yeah pretty sure there was

a fact of the day where they'd say sleeping dogs that's what they call judder bars in some places that's why you have to slow down otherwise you'll hurt the dogs yeah

googly gargly that's the in sync-a-rator oh the googly the googly they call it the goler gaggly. The Googler. We grew up with private parts being called the derpies.

Derp. Derp. I don't know why. Wow. So many, so many. Yesterday she did it. She ticked it off. It's done.

It's all caught up. It's a life achievement. It was a marathon effort. I'm even going to clap myself. Yeah. Because after, I guess, almost 57 hours of my life, I've finished Love Island UK. Season four.

So you've done Australian. Yeah. And UK Love Island in about a month. Yeah. Where's my medal? I feel like I need a plaque or a certificate. You must have done five hours in one day. On more than one occasion. Excuse me?

Is that a judgment tone I hear? Well, it was more of a... You must have done five hours in one day. Excuse me? I'm a grown-up. I'm allowed to do what I want. I may have. Yeah.

Because I was quite behind yesterday and I've now finished it. But I do feel like I've achieved something. But do you know what? Also, I miss Danny and Jack. And like, what am I going to... Like, this morning I was like, I'm going to go onto the Daily Mail UK and see what they're all up to

just because I need to know. And you've been avoiding it since it finished. Yeah. And I feel like they were actually my friends. That's what Sade was like. My wife was a massive Love Island fan as well. And she said after it had finished, she's like, it's weird. It feels like, you know, your friends have moved away or something.

She's like, but it's all right because I follow them all on social media. So I'll be able to see what they're up to. I'm like, what is wrong with you? So what is she doing now? Because she was spending a lot of time watching that. Well, yeah. I have noticed just going for a look at shops has started happening again.

I haven't been shopping for like two weeks. Because I was so preoccupied by these people in my life. So it's actually saved you money. Yeah. But dumbed you down at the same time? No, I don't think it's dumbed me down. But that's, I've noticed

there's been more shopping and more looking and of course you're going to go for a look, you're going to spend, so I need to find another show to get her on to. Well, that's the thing,

you need another, you need a hobby or another show. You need something else to fill the gap. That is, drop in with the boys. Ford and Wayne.

Just drop in with the boys. I did say that I didn't want to play because I said I'd get addicted. You've got a great TV for it. Yeah. Because I didn't know how big your TV was until we came I was scared I'd get addicted. You've got a great TV for it. Yeah. Because I didn't know how big your TV was until we came around your house the other weekend.

She's got the same size TV as mine. You haven't said that about mine. Yeah, but mine's a later model. Mine's better. No, I'm talking about how ridiculous yours is massive as well. It makes me feel very inferior. You've got 15 inches on me. Both of you.

Everyone's got inches on you. No, I know. I prefer to measure in millimetres because the number's bigger. It looks bigger, eh? It does look bigger. Producer Caitlin, how have you filled the void of Love Island? Well, I've kind of had to start talking to people again

and like, you know, seeing my friends. But I'm just waiting for the reunion. There's a Love Island reunion coming out. How many episodes is that? That better be like two hours long at least. It better be like, yeah, a whole week long. Would you consider taking up Fortnite? You should drop in with the boys too.

I've always wanted to drop in with the boys. Because you guys, I get FOMO when you guys say that you're going home. What do you and James talk about when you're, do you talk about us when you're dropping in with the boys? It's all strategy. There's too much much going on there's no time to talk about it there's not a lot of time for chit chat i feel like i've been really good at this i've um last night yesterday on fortnight i built a castle why because i went into playground mode and i built a beautiful castle okay i don't know why i just didn't feel like killing anybody but i was dropping in with the boys and then my mate johnny built a built a beautiful castle so I don't know why. I just didn't feel like killing anybody, but I was dropping in with the boys, and then my mate Johnny built a beautiful castle.

So you don't kill people. With a drawbridge and some towers and stuff. Weird. It's like playing blocks. You know, when you're a kid and you play blocks. I don't know if you want to drop in, because I dropped in and I just get teased about how rubbish I am.

Yeah, but you don't care. Like, I'm really competitive, and I think I'd actually really get into it and be quite good. Megan and I could be quite good. Let's not get carried away, ladies. Strategic minds. They'd be like YouTube how-tos, eh?

I don't know. Also, we talked about people hiring tutors last week. Parents hiring tutors for their kids to get better at it. Should we hire you a tutor? Yeah. If you're going to make me better, it'd be Vaughn and James. It is all.

We've watched 57 episodes of Love Island. We've got strategic minds. We've got time on our hands as well. I don't know if Danny and Jack ever bloody picked up a gold scar and ran rampant through Tilted Towers, but I mean, sure, you've got strategic balance. Someone just called through.

Fletch, if you can pick that up. Her name's Kelsey. Hello. She said she knew Vaughn. Hello, Kelsey. Hello. You know Vaughn? Yeah, I play with Vaughn like on a regular basis sometimes.

On Fortnite? Kelsey 007, yeah. Unstoppable. Oh, yeah. Oh, she's playing it down. Is she playing coy? We got... Okay, so this is what was happening.

We got mowed down by the squad. Three of us were down. Kelsey was the only one left standing. She took all four of them out. Oh, boss. Kelsey. It was really cool to watch. From like a huddled over, crawling for...

I need meds. I need a recess. Just watching it all happen. I have to deal with Lauren yelling at me and screaming. They're like, there's another one. There's another recess. I'm just watching it all happen. I have to deal with Warden yelling at me and screaming. They're like, there's another one. There's another one. Wait, wait, wait. Which is what you want.

You get her to kill all the bad guys. Well, because he's already down. Yeah, I'm already down. I can't do anything. I can crawl around and hide. Kelsey, help me. Hide behind something so they don't shoot me. Is he good, Kelsey?

Do you reckon me and Caitlin could beat him? With proper coaching, I reckon you could. Are you offering the coaching, Kelsey? Yep, if they want to, like... Oh, no, you don't let it. I forbid it. No, you can't, coach. This is good.

We've got an allegiance already. Yeah, we'll get you to get Caitlin and Megan up to speed. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Is that what you're doing? Then you can drop in with the queens. Oh. Oh, what are our names going to be? We need names.

I want to be Caitlin 007. Oh, no. No, she's already Kelsey 007. Oh, queens. Oh. Oh, what are our names going to be? We need names. I want to be Caitlin 007. No, she's already Kelsey 007. Oh, Kelsey. Okay. I don't know. Is that the best name you could come up with? No. But I get angry and I'll just say a swear word.

So I won't say it. I'll be like Grass Grubber because I'll just be always crawling in the grass. I'm thinking you're going to be good. You can't crawl in the grass. Not a very sexy name either. No, we hide in bushes. I'm going to be good You can't crawl in the grass Not a very sexy name either We hide in bushes I'm going to be like called the killer The killer queen

Yo Kelsey you might have to Also help out Caitlin with her name As well But I think some tutoring would be great I don't know how much you charge but you know we can Come to an arrangement there. Megan and Kayla

can sort that out. Do you actually want to tutor us? Yeah, why not? Yes. It is on, Vaughn. It is on. I'm going to go build a castle. You can't hide.

You can run, but you can't hide. Is that what happens on Fortnite? You can hide quite effectively. Oh, okay. You'll learn that in your tutorage. Do you think if we streamed this match, people would watch it? I'm going to get a golden sun and run.

A golden what? Psych. What is it? Scar. Scar. No, get the googly thing, the pink bear. No, what is it? Cuddle team leader.

That's a character, not a gun. We'll get there. Good luck. Good luck, Kelsey. All right, the pink bear. No, what is that? Cuddle team leader. That's a character, not a gum. We'll get there. Good luck. Good luck, Kelsey. All right, thanks, Kelsey. F-A-M. Got a text last night from... I got a text.

Got a text. Oh, God. Don't encourage that. I got a message from my mum, Bev, who's back. You may remember. Oh, yeah, you went and saw her at the weekend, right? Lies! We read out her travel blog.

She's been away for six weeks, but she's home. So she texts you telling you off about lying where you'd been over the weekend. No, because I didn't lie to her. You used her as an ally. You used her in your lie. I used my mum in a lie once. Mum hit the roof. What lie did you use her in? I can't remember. mum in a lie once. Mum hit the roof. What did you,

what lie did you use her in? I can't remember. Some silly lie to somebody. Was she in hospital? No, no, no, no,

no, no, no. But it was like mum wants me to do something and mum found out and she wasn't happy about it. So don't use mums in lies. No,

they hate it. They don't like being implicated. No, but she's like, you guys made the front page of the newspaper today. This is what she said. And you plummet. And then sent the link.

When no one listens. Fantastic. Everyone will know definitely who they were referring to in the paper then. So front page. So front page. The news is that a band is playing at the Bowl of Brooklands and is coming back to New Zealand to play a few shows. Now, Vaughn knows this because yesterday

Vaughn, you would have been tagged in this song. I got sent it. I got tagged in it. All the news stories. I had screen caps of the announcement sent to me. And yeah, it happened. What?

Look, it's nice, but it haunts me. It haunts me. See, that to me is just the start of like, it sets me off. I twitch. One reason I get, and it's nice that people think of me whenever they hear the song. And I get to, every weekend I still get Snapchats and Instagrams of people and places when this song comes on. But this song is also the default song in my, when I plug my phone into my car, my car, and I've Googled how to stop it, but it won't, my car automatically plays this song every time you plug your phone in.

So backstory, and the reason we were on the front page of the paper was this song was released in 1983, 82. Oh, my gosh. It was big in 1983. Older than me. I know. It's insanely old. And in 2000 and was it 12, 13, we got the song, with your help,

to number one in the New Zealand charts after all those years. Just because absolute banger, obviously. Oh, my God. You can't do that now. They've changed because absolute banger, obviously. My God, I'm so sorry. You can't do that now. They've changed the rules on how you can get a number one. Because what, Spotify is counted in now. Yeah, and you can't just loop a song on Spotify. It has to get something like 40,000 streams.

Yeah, to be number one. So these guys are coming to New Zealand. Toto are coming, yeah. Yeah, and one of the shows is in New Plymouth, so it mentioned us in the paper. Oh, my God. That's so sweet that we were in the paper. It said Fletcher and Vaughan because in 2013.

You know, at the time, that's what. I mean, I was on the show, but my name wasn't there, was it? Well, you did leave us to cheat with us for a year. Remember that? With another show. You announced around with that other show, and then you came back. Then I still didn't get my name in the show. No, but your name's in the show now, though, isn't it?

Your name's in the show now. Yeah. So anyway, that... And no one around here would dare forget it. They're coming, and yeah, I guess that's why that happened. Are you going to go, Vaughn? Or does this song still haunt you? It's just... Yeah, it haunts's why that happened. Are you going to go Vaughan? Or does this song still haunt you? It's just...

Yeah, it haunts me, this song. I like... To be totally honest, I like their other song, Rosanna, better than I like this song at any time. But, I mean, this is still a great song. It's a good song. But, yeah, they're coming to New Zealand. I think I probably will go.

They're not playing in Auckland, though, are they? Where are they playing? Because they're coming over summer and they're playing a few locations. I'm sure. I know they're playing in New Plymouth at the Bowl of Brooklands. Because I've been tagged in it a thousand times. So is this just like a, this is a PSA to say, we know? Yeah.

We know. I'm really like, fantastic. Thanks for letting me know. And I know. And that's great. Cool. Thank you. Do you know how to fix that thing when you always plug in your phone into your car?

Please tell me. Please tell me. And what do you, because, you know, like you say, this is a song that comes up for you when you plug in the cable, because it starts with A, Africa. You make a song, like out of blank music, just silence, and you call it A-A-A-A-A by A-A-A-A-A. And then when you plug it in... It'll give me a minute. Yeah.

To select. You can think of a minute or just play out. The Coco soundtrack or Moana or whatever the children want to listen to because I no longer have any choice of what we listen to in the car. At all. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. A do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

do. Twitch started changing it up. That was really weird. You got really theatrical on it. Such a good mood today. You gotta change it up sometimes, don't you? You really did. Well, yesterday you proposed a Play-Doh fact of the day.

Yes. That Play-Doh was originally a wallpaper cleaner for getting things off wallpaper. And I said, I believe we've done it before, but in an effort to include you and appease you, I found another Play-Doh fact. Thank you. Thank you.

Today's Play-Doh based fact of the day is that Play-Doh in 2018 trademarked, patented the scent of Play-Doh. The non-visual Play-Doh scent mark. That's all right because that's their thing. It's not like homemade Play-Doh smells anything like Play-Doh. No. So the principal register of this trademark in the United States reads that it is the mark. The mark is a scent of sweet,

slightly musky vanilla fragrance with slight overtones of cherry combined with the smell of a salted wheat-based dough. That's the official... It just smells like a salty wheat-based dough. With? I don't smell cherries and vanilla. A slightly,

sweet, slightly musky vanilla fragrance with slight overtones of cherry. actually feel like you can smell it now? Yes. I feel like I can smell it. As soon as you said

the smell of Play-Doh, I was like, I can smell that. Yeah. Would you wear that as a scent? No. If they brought it out? No.

Okay. Okay. Well, you just have like four year olds flock to you. Get up some Play-Doh, mister. No. You smell like Play-Doh. Right. Okay. Well, you just have like four-year-olds flock to you. You got some Play-Doh, mister? No.

You smell like Play-Doh. Right, okay. Well, I was given that for Christmas. I can see that was a big prank with the family now. I can't. I'm walking away and there's just a line of children following. Don't follow me. Bugger off.

The line of you. I can't have a grown man without children. I can't have a line of children following me. Get out of here. Do you think it's weird, though, when companies trademark or patent a colour or a smell? Should they be allowed to do that? To me, that's not specific enough.

It should have to have the actual chemical combination involved in making Play-Doh that leads to that smell. Maybe they do. Because they'd have a recipe. They own the recipe. But yeah, it should say the scent associated with this patent for a recipe that makes Play-Doh. And then have the list of the compounds in

because it kind of seems pretty broad, that. Yeah. But then there's nothing, you know, you can smell real Play-Doh versus imposter Play-Doh. Oh yeah. Yeah. Of course. And Play-Doh's another one of those situations where a brand becomes so synonymous with a product

that it's name. That's what you call it. Like you make it at home, you don't call it play clay or modelling clay do you? You call it, I'm gonna make some homemade Play-Doh. Yeah. Even though Play-Doh is an owned trademark. I'd much rather eat homemade Play-Doh though Yeah. Even though Play-Doh is an owned trademark. I'd much rather eat homemade Play-Doh though. Like probably less chemicals.

Yeah. Well, that was August. Our youngest daughter told us she came in from kinder. She said, I licked the Play-Doh today. It was quite nice. And I said,

oh, okay. We're playing with it. And she said, no, I got some out to lick it. And we had to tell her that you don't lick it. Mostly because she's like, is it poisonous? she said, no, I got some out to lick it. And we had to tell her that you don't lick it. Mostly because she's like, is it poisonous?

I said, no, you know, every other kid's touching it and there could be germs or what have. And I know they chuck the Play-Doh out and they're all a fresh batch of Play-Doh and everything.

But do they make their own Play-Doh? Yes. Oh, right. Okay, so they don't buy in bulk. They make their own Play-Doh. And then at home, she was playing with actual Play-Doh. Yep.

She got given a Play-Doh set for her birthday and she licked it. She's like, oh, no, that's not good. Yeah, that's not nice. I love how Indy's like elected for class representative and August is like, I got the Play-Doh out to lick it. Not to, were you building something? Nope.

It was purely a lick based opening of the Play-Doh container. I'll have a little lick of it. So today's fact of the day is this year in 2018, Play-Doh Hasbro has officially trademarked the smell of Play-Doh. Fact of the day, day, burgers, cheeseburgers. Online? It was cheeseburgers. Yeah, they put a photo of it online.

Okay. And on the upper bun. Yeah. Was this a homemade, a friend making a homemade bun? Yeah. Burger. On the upper bun. Yeah.

Which is your condiment side for the bun. The bottom bun's got to be the solid foundations of a homemade bun? Yeah. Burger. On the upper bun, which is your condiment side for the bun? The bottom bun's got to be the solid foundations of a homemade burger. You don't want that to go soggy. No. To me, your top bun, you prepare separately, and whatever you put on there's got to be ready to be flipped onto the burger. No, but, like, you put condiments on both, or, like, a squishy avocado on the bottom bun.

Oh, no, I put squishy avocado on the top bun. No, but then it all slides off. No, no, you squish it into the bun. Okay. Okay. And then you put like some mayo on top of that and then you can slop a bit of cheese on there and it'll slip off. No, it sticks on.

And then you've got to do the quick flip onto the actual body of the burger. Right. So I saw, and I have not yet tried, but next time we do homemade burger night, they had a thin layer of Marmite on the upper hamburger bun. And said it just added enough of a punch. A bit of a tang. A bit of a tang tang. It wasn't a main player.

It was like an extra, but it added a little something to the cast, a little diversity. Right. Okay. And I thought controversial, but I like it. I like that you're pushing these limits. This would be purely beef patty, right? Not like a chicken burger.

No, I think it could work there. No. I think it could work on a chicken. Especially if you put some relish over the top of that. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Now you're talking about some sweet and sour, some zing, some tang. You've got a combo going. And then get a chicken patty in there.

Or a meat patty either. Or a bit of chicken thigh or a bit of marinated breast. No, I don't think I'd have a chicken burger. And then it got me thinking, and I know you'll be on board with this as a marmalade lover, is getting a bit of marmalade on a burger, a chicken burger. Oh yeah, that would work. Adding the ting to the tang. Because you'd easily have like an apricot sauce on a chicken burger.

100%. Why not have like a tangier? Yeah. Jam. You'd have cranberry jam for a chicken and brie kind of a burger. So swish out the cranberry or even in addition to the cranberry, a little bit of marmalade. That would work.

But again, not to be a main player. Right, okay. To be a feature, a bit of diversity, a bit of oomph. Do you know what I have no time for on burgers? And I see them sometimes. I'm like, no. Like, I'll do onion rings at a stretch, but I'm not a fan. Hash browns.

Who the hell is putting those on a burger? Are you cutting my... Get out of here. Yeah, I'm not a fan. It's got to be a breakfast burger. To me, a hash brown... A hash brown on a fan. It's got to be a breakfast burger. To me, a hash brown. A hash brown on a burger is the champagne burger. No, I'm saying that I will always open up a burger

and force chips to be part of the burger. And they're like, no, we don't want to be part of it. I'm like, be friends, be friends. Nah, see, that's, I've got no time for that. Always squeeze a bit of. To me, that's like you're really killing it at life if you've got a hash brown on your burger. That's like a fancy champagne burger.

It adds a lot. It adds a bit of wobble to the burger, though. It adds a little bit of height. It's a lot of height. You know what's got no place on a burger? This is what I want to talk about. I want to talk about controversial burger ingredients. Right.

Basically, because I've got this idea of the Marmite or the Vegemite. I'm a Vegemite guy, so I'll probably go Vegemite next time on the homemade burgers, but I'm thinking if we're doing an experimental burger night, I want to have a few options to play with. Right, okay. So you'd like some suggestions? Of controversial. You know what's got no place on a burger?

Yeah. Is? Bacon. What? Oh, I don't have bacon on my burgers. Oh, thank you. You leave, ma'am. What is wrong with you?

No, yuck. It ruins it. No, bacon plays the perfect secondary mate. No, it doesn't. It takes over everything. It's like, hello, I'm here, I'm bacon. The bacon backfire is my go-to at Burgerfield. No, yuck, yuck. No, you've got to have

bacon on a burger. No. Oh my god. It just takes over. And it goes with anything though. Because if it's beef and bacon, bango. If it's chicken and bacon, banger. No, not down for it. Yeah, pork, banger. Oh, pork's bacon actually. That's pork on pork. Double down on pork. I mean double down on pork. Fork on pork.

I mean double down on pork. I'm not here to ruin your life. You can do whatever you want. So what's got no place? What's got no place is that leafy lettuce. Oh, mesculine lettuce. The mixed bag of huckery autumn leaves. No, you always go like an iceberg and a stretch of fancy hydroponic. I'll do a fancy hydroponic.

Yeah. Because I quite like that it adds a bit of texture to the side of the burger. To me, it's like a curtain. Homemade burgers are like homemade pizzas. You might as well just go out and buy them. By the time you're back around.

You're a one man band. Yeah. We're doing like a family situation. You can get to the point of economics. That's a bit cool dinner party to have. Like a potluck, except everybody brings a burger ingredient. Shotgun lettuce. If you're going to bring lettuce, you're going to be given a secondary item to bring.

You're not just getting away with lettuce. It's like if you provide buns, you've got to bring something else as well. But I was wondering if anybody's got it. Maybe you call it your secret ingredient on a burger. So you're using this radio show as a platform to enhance your burger making at home? Correct, yes. Okay. Can't argue with that.

No, it's good. I can't argue with that, really. You've got to have a bit of personal payoff. Okay, so what do you want people to call about? Controversial burger ingredient. Okay. Like, does it belong? Like mushrooms

Some people Very anti-mushrooms On a burger On a burger No Feel free for judgement though Because if anybody calls With like the hash brown

Something like that I'm just going to be like That's disgusting Please by all means Get out of here Go into bat for your passion But you may have to defend it With your life

Right Okay well 0800 Dials it in 9696 Your controversial Burger ingredient What is it? We're talking about controversial burger ingredients. I grew up pretty bland, guys.

And in culinary in my 20s and into my 30s, I've spread my wings. Yeah, right. And I'm not just eating boiled potatoes anymore. You saw somebody on Instagram over the weekend using Marmite on a burger. As a condiment to add a little zing. Yeah. The zang. What an interesting idea, I thought.

So we're talking about your controversial burger ingredients, like what you add to your burgers. How's this for some messages in? Somebody said when you're making the burger patties, crush up, and we've had a few suggestions, some people crush up sweet Thai chilli Doritos. And the burger. In the burger

instead of breadcrumbs. You know Doritos dust and any chip dust at the bottom of the packet is the best. So good. So good. And they said

the other person said they crunch up cheese and bacon shapes and add them into the burger instead of breadcrumbs and adds a real bit of flavour, a bit of punch. Because you were saying

you add stuff to the meat as well. Yeah, I add whole grain mustard because instead of breadcrumbs and adds a real bit of flavour, a bit of punch. Because you were saying you add stuff to the meat as well. Yeah, I add whole grain mustard. Because instead of putting mustard on your burger, I put it in the patty and it's pretty good. It has to be grainy though. Good. I'm with you on that. Saladi, what's your controversial burger ingredient?

So when mum makes like homemade beef patties, I always put a layer of PIC's smooth peanut butter on the top list. Wait, so you put that in the beef mixture or on top of the beef patty? Or on top of the bun? Yeah, like on the bun. So it's sort of a satay beef? Yeah, because mum makes satay meatballs with pork mince

and she's convinced it can't work with beef. And I'm like, but it does. But it does. Satay beef, hello. Okay, I but it does. But it does. But it does. Sauté beef, hello. Okay, I'd do that. That would be nice. Yeah.

Like a sauté. All right, thanks, Lottie. Somebody else said a thick spreading of pumpkin hummus on the top of a chicken burger. So on the bun, on the top. That would work. I'd try that. Main condiment.

And Megan's screwing her face up. It just sounds a bit healthy. Pumpkin hummus on top of my burger. You can balance it out with all the other sauces and stuff. Lots of cheese. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get in there with the cheese. Speaking of cheese and the family of cheeses,

halloumi on a burger. Fight me if you disagree. That's what they said. Yeah, I don't mind it. I like a bit of halloumi. I love halloumi. So get that on there. Praise cheeses.

I would say instead of cheese, let's not eliminate the other cheeses. Yeah. It's a three cheese party at least. Yeah. Somebody else said controversial, but corn is absolutely delicious. No, get out. Maybe if it's mixed into the patty. I don't know.

They said when it's mixed with other ingredients. In a relish? A deep fried red onion avocado situation. So corn, I don't yeah, I don't know. Could you mix it in with your avo? It feels like a filler. Corn a lot of the time just feels like it's a filler, doesn't it? It's never really the star

of the party.