ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - August 08 2018

Episode Date: August 7, 2018

Vaughan had an episode at the hardware store with a plastic bag, Swipemares and what picture did you post that got you in trouble?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. You can stay connected with free Wi-Fi a gig a day on the $19 Spark prepaid rollover pack. Enjoy. Thanks, Anya. 25 million Australians. Yeah. Goodness me. It's a lot. Always forget it's such a big country. I don't know why, I just always do.

Was Sydney... How many live in Sydney? I think that's like 10 million, isn't it? Don't they have 10 million in line in Sydney? That's probably bullshit. I don't know. Five. What?

And that. From 5 million in 2017 to 6.6 in 2040. Yeah, because doesn't New York have 8 million? Sydney doesn't have more than New York. Sydney's massive. When you're flying over Sydney, how far it stretches is pretty crazy. It's huge. So would you say 6.6 million?

And by 2040, it'll be 6.6. Oh, by 2040? Yeah, so at the moment it's 5.7. So they've still got more people in Sydney alone than we've got in the whole country. Yes. Wow.

And then spread out. Yeah, wow, okay. Must be a hard pill to swallow if you're one of those farms that owns like a billion, billion acres and you're sitting out

in the middle of nowhere and you're like, well, I can't see anybody. Not really. Probably not a hard pill to swallow. Probably quite enjoyable. Probably quite like.

So probably going to the big city would be too much. Too many bloody people. People everywhere. Did you see that guy? Who was that guy that was in Kath and Kim and he did that Outback? Yeah. He's just started a new show. He's done it again.

He's done a new series. Russell. No, not Russell McVeigh. It's that law firm that loves the intern thing. Yeah, the intern scandal. He's in the Outback what? Was it a skit or something? It was a TV show.

It was a comedy show. It was the Outback Adventure. And he's, after like 10 years of not doing it, he's done it again. Yeah, I think it was quite funny. Okay. It was very well done. I mean, we've got all the details. Obviously, we were huge fans.

Huge fans of his work. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Three news headlines, three news stories that I've found. I'm going to vote for the one story that tickles their fancy. Headline one, Road Rage Australian Style. Headline two, Man Wins Bachelor Party Game. And headline three, Woman Ghosted.

Go for it. Bachelor Party Game. Did you say Man Wins Bachelor Party Game? Yeah. Actually, you know, thinking now, that's not a very nice story. Oh, okay. Yeah, nah, it's not. I wouldn't feel comfortable talking. I don't know why

I put that in there. Okay, so I want that one. I mean, I found it funny, but someone died. How is that winning? Well, in interest of keeping you somewhat liked by the few remaining people listening,

we'll avoid that one. What was number one? Road Range Australian one. What was number one? Road rage Australian style. Or woman ghosted. Woman ghosted. Woman ghosted, I think. Yeah, I kind of want the woman ghosted. I'm glad you do because it's the only story today that I really wanted to talk about.

Okay. It's great. So, where do we start? Amethyst Realm is a 30-year-old woman. Realm as in you're in the realm. You're in the realm. Okay. Amethyst as in the...

What's an amethyst? Like a crystal? This is about actual ghosts, isn't it? Like a stone. Amethyst Realm. She is 30 from Bristol. She is a spiritual guidance counsellor. Okay. Now, she, 11 years ago, turned her back on men. Okay.

She's revealed that in the past 11 years, she has had sexual encounters with 20 different ghostly lovers. What could they possibly do for her? Like what? You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, no, she claims now that, now this, by the way, was in New Idea.

Okay. I don't know if it's the UK or Australian or New Zealand version of New Idea. We don't have New Idea anymore, do we? What's that other one that's, what's that one that looks like a completely normal 30-year-old woman? Oh, that's her ghost boyfriend. I thought she was going to be older.

No, so she turned her back on men when she was, what, 19? Oh, okay. Yeah. That's not enough time to try and... And she's had many ghostly lovers, but it was recently on a spiritual trip to... This is what I'm going to say next time I get caught playing with myself.

It's my ghostly lover. It was a ghost lover. Well, she's recently been on a... She calls it a special spectral figure. She met a special spectral figure... It was Hitler. Was it Hitler? ...on a trip to Australia.

A ghost who may turn out to be her one true goal. Goal. You say goal, but... Couple goals. Couple goals. Relationship goals. So she said she was walking through the bush, enjoying nature, when she suddenly felt this incredible energy.

And she says, I knew a new lover had arrived. She told New Idea. New Idea struggled to keep a straight face, but we're like, go on. Now, she can't see her ghostly lover, but she is able to communicate with it and obviously have sex with it, she says. Does she go on to that? Well, she says she's not 100% sure they're male,

but the connection between the two is real. Well, how do you have sex with someone without it? Like, does he have a ghost penis or a ghost vagina? That's very, like, that's the way you tell. That's not my problem what sex it is. My problem is... So, amethyst... I mean, it's one thing to have sex with ghosts, Megan,

but you don't want to be gay. Amethyst returned to the UK. I mean, that's just weird, isn't it? Being gay with ghosts. Right, not just having sex with them full stop. No, that's very normal. Very, very normal. Very normal.

Well, the spirit actually went back to the UK with her. And six months later, you'll be happy to know they are still going strong. And they might take things even further, this talk of marriage. I don't know. My dad. Imagine if it was you. Your dad would call you and be like, stop being so bloody stupid. She told new idea.

Stop it. I'm pretty serious. In fact, we've even been thinking about having a ghost baby. Oh, pass off. I know that sounds crazy, but I've been looking into it, and I just don't think it's totally out of the question. Wait, looking into it? It's 100% out of the question, you dumb, dumb.

She's been Googling the research on ghost babies. How are you looking into it? Well, apparently there's a theory that phantom pregnancies are actually ghost babies trapped in human bodies. Oh, dear. She's crazy, eh? That's actually like hearing it now and like looking back on it. I actually feel sorry for her that she was exploited like this.

If you want to Google, she has been on ITVs this morning. Oh, no. Amethyst. She did an interview. I don't know how they kept a straight face because she's obviously bonkers. But she looks completely normal. She does.

She's just a bit deluded. I have to know what her real name is. Like, what was she born as? Because if her parents called her Amethyst Realm from like the day one, then I don't know. A lot to blame for this. Hey, she's happy. What was she born as? Because if her parents called her Amethyst Realm from like the day one, then there's a lot to blame for this. Hey, she's happy.

Well, you know what she is. Yeah. So why should we judge? Just let her be. Yeah. Nah. It's just a bit too much. Needs help. Okay.

This is great news for us as people who don't get probably as much sleep as you're supposed to. Apparently. What if anybody listening now is up early, aren't they? I would doubt that there would be a lot of people that get more than 10 hours of sleep every night. Jesus. And that's a good thing. Oh, sorry. That just popped right out.

10 hours is an insane amount of sleep. Because this massive study has found that too much sleep could be deadly. It could be bad for you. Right. So this study involved more than 3 million people from 1970 to 2017. So it's huge and they studied the sleep

patterns of patients and they have found that more than 10 hours of sleep a night has increased the chances of death from stroke by 56% and heart disease by 49%. So don't sleep too... Is there a sweet number of hours to sleep? Less than 10.

Eight hours, I think, is kind of what everyone's agreed on, is good for both ends. Because if you're not getting enough, that's bad for you as well. But they're saying, you know, sleep has, and poor quality of sleep has been associated with heart disease as well. So if you are getting, say, you're in bed for more than 10 hours,

but the sleep is really bad, that can increase your risk of heart disease by 44%. So those are big numbers. Stroke by 56% if you're sleeping too long. I mean, this is just a thought here, but if you're in bed for like more than 10 hours, dare I say it, you might be a bit lazy. So that might correlate with the heart disease

because you're not getting up. If you've got 10 hours to just chill and sleep nonstop and you're not like growing, because when you're in your routine, you can sleep endlessly because your body's growing so much and it costs you so much energy. But any older than that, you might not be working and you might just be...

But if you're studying three million people for that long, you're bound to find like you would say that that would be, you'd put that down if it's a correlation. So they were studying them in a sleep exam. Yeah. Okay. So in a proper environment. And over such a long period of time, they've found that, yeah, too much sleep correlates

with heart disease and things like that. How crazy is that? So you can't sleep not enough. But you can't sleep too much. And you can't sleep too long. But then can you have like a 12-hour sleep on a Sunday? I was going to say, what about the weekend? Can you just have a big old sleep in?

Yeah, I'd say so. Is that still okay? Because then it'll balance out the rest of the week where you only have like seven hours. Yeah, and sometimes at the weekend you need a big sleep because otherwise if you get up, you'll feel like you're dying anyway, so. You can't win, eh?

No. No. This is why. This is why. No. Black out, boo me. This is why. Fat. This is why. Fat. This is why.

This is why. This is why. Fat. Wow. This is why I'm fat today. While it is limited and it's heartbreaking that it's not coming

to New Zealand and not here in New Zealand, we can, we can hope and maybe you say that, but you could DIY this. You could. This is very, very DIY-able. And also, it doesn't start where it's going to happen

until December 1st, meaning time to book. Right. Time to book airfares, start keeping an eye on Grab a Sea, get yourself a cheap trip to Japan. Right. Time to book airfares, start keeping an eye on Grab a Sea, get yourself a cheap trip to Japan. Okay. Because this is where this is happening.

And while you're there, do that thing where you dress up like Mario Kart characters and drive go-karts around the busy streets of Tokyo. You want to do that so bad. There is,

I've got a bucket list of things I want to do in Japan. I so badly want to go to Japan. And this is on the bucket? This, well, this could be the bucket for the bucket list.

Because in Japan, for a limited time starting in December, and only in the city of... Oh, I had written here whereabouts the city. Niigata. Yeah. You are going to be able to buy a 48 bucket, not pack, a 48 bucket of chicken nuggies. Oh.

48 nuggies. Mc-nuggies. From McDonald's. Mc-nuggies. Mc-nuggies. So there's 48 in them because it's in conjunction with a Japanese girl group called NGT48. Oh. Because I was like, why don't you go a nice round number like 50? It's in conjunction with a Japanese girl group called NGT48. Oh, is that?

Because I was like, why don't you go a nice round number like 50? So this is the nuts thing. There are 48 girls in this girl group. It's called J-Pop, which is the Japanese take on K-Pop. They need their own plane. They actually have their own theatre where you can go and see them perform. Right. But they're massive. Yeah. They're a really massive deal. Big enough to have their own theatre where you can go and see them perform. Right. But they're massive.

They're a really massive deal. Big enough to have their own nuggies. Correct. Their own, very own, conjunction with McDonald's promotion. Wow. Where you're going to be able to get a 48 bucket of Chicken McNuggets. Here's an idea. Go to KFC and get their nuggies and ask for

a bucket because they still do buckets say for the big big chicken orders don't they? Yeah. Do they? Yes.

I only thought there was they pulled right back there for a while but have they got back into the big bucket game? They definitely do buckets. Yeah, they definitely do buckets. You could fit so many

more than 48 nuggets in those big KFC buckets. I know you could. You'd just be like fill it to the top. But imagine if there was a group of you and you'd just gone out So then ask... You could fit so many more than 48 nuggets in those big KFC buckets. I know you could. It'd just be like filler to the top. But imagine if there was a group of you and you'd just gone out and you're on your way home and you all just decided to pool your money for nuggies to fill a bucket. It's a great idea.

What about dipping sauces? Like how many are you going to need for a bucket? Now that's very interesting because in this article, I can't find anything about dipping sauce. Because if you get 10 nuggies they give you two at McDonald's, eh?

Right. Right. See, I don't, to me 48, four dipping things isn't going to be enough. You'd need, No, you'd need like

eight. Eight. Yeah. Take 10, eight. And does Japan have like fancy sauces or are they just going sweet and sour?

They probably do. They probably do. We've got some lovely sauce. Probably do. Hoisin sauce, I know that's more Chinese but hoisin sauce would be great. That is a great sauce. Szechuan sauce. I mean that was the famous sauce from the Rick and Morty situation.

But don't let this put you off. Get your own bucket. Get a 49 cent bucket from the warehouse. Um, okay. But you know, I don't want it to be plastic. I want the authentic disposable cardboard. I know, because the plastic will sweat too. Get an old ice cream. Yes. An ice cream bucket.

Like, you know, the little tubs. They wouldn't have 48 in it though. No. Do you remember when you were kids on this very special occasion that you'd get a KFC bucket, which was very, I think it was only when we'd had KFC

and when we were with our cousins. Oh, we didn't get a KFC bucket, which was very, I think it was only when we'd had KFC and when we were with our cousins. Oh, we didn't get a bucket. Blue Moon stuff. We'd just get a quarter pack or something. Each? Yeah. No, that's not economical. Oh, you didn't really have cousins though, did you?

No. You had a couple of cousins. Yeah, but that's still, you just get a bucket for your fam. A super rare occasion because you were with your cousins and a super rare occasion that you would be allowed KFC and that big of numbers and you get a bucket for your fam. A super rare occasion because you were with your cousins and a super rare occasion that you would be allowed KFC and that big of numbers and you get a bucket

and you'd just take the chicken out of the bucket as soon as you could because that bucket, you wanted to have that round? Yeah, right. It was a sign of good times. And if you kept the lid, the smell stayed in it for months. So what, you just get a hit? You just open it and be like, remember the good times? Have a sniff.

I remember my brother and I had one in our room for probably a year growing up. Oh, that is great. That's so sad. Get the little hit of that. Remember the good times? Good stuff. This is the saddest thing I've ever heard. I've got sad repressed memories from my childhood.

As they slowly bubble to the surface, I'll be sure to let you know. So this is another edition of This Is Why I'm Fat, and it's a 48-nugget bucket of McNuggets in Japan. Fat. This is why. Fat. This is why. This is why.

This is why. Fat. There's a study that's been done, and it says that if you have a pet, it increases your chances of being happy. Now that is kind of self-explanatory, right? Because you know that patting a cat or a dog or whatever reduces heart something? What is it? Blood pressure.

Doesn't it reduce blood pressure? It can relieve stress and stuff. This is why they say old people in rest times having animals around like cats and little dogs is good for them. Yeah. Until you find out that it's one of those cats that can detect cancer and it's always on your lap. Oh, wow. At least it's detected it. Not only can it make you happy though, those with cats or dogs or like pets were twice as lucky to consider themselves a success. They could bring home almost £4,000 more a year

than people that don't have pets. So what's that, like $8,000? It's a vicious cycle because if you don't have enough money to get a pet, then you've got to feed it. You know, it's not going to cost you $8,000 a year to... And then all of a sudden, where's this pay rise coming from? You tell the boss you've got a cat. I've just got a cat. Great news, boss.

Where's my pay rise? I just adopted 18 cats. But also, pet owners are more likely to be married, have a child, get themselves a university degree, and be satisfied that they've found their perfect job. That's like a whole shebang.

Can they relate that to just a pet? They do double the amount of exercise, which raises their heart time five times a week compared to just three times for non-pet owners. I'd say if you had a dog, though, you'd have to be taking it for walks. So that would increase your exercise, which I guess would then increase your happiness So it's like good for your health and well-being

Overall Well our dog shat all over the cowhide rug On the floor of the Granted Sade left it in And I always shut it in the laundry so it can get out But she's like Oh it's cold outside the dog can stay in

oh this will take two and then the dog did turds all over the floor and it's not it's fault yep it needed to go turds it's not Lulu's fault but the thing is

why do they always find the spot that like go on the this is the weird thing is the cat litter box is in the same room but he was like

I might just go on this cow hide rug actually it's because when they're squatting they want you know like a nice comfy suit yeah this is nice in the same room but he was like, I might just go on this cowhide rug actually. It's because when they're squatting they want, you know, like a nice comfy surface. This is nice. This is very nice.

I'm going to do it on this rug. Nice on my paws. Should I do it on the sheepskin or the couch or? I'll just do it down here. Right where everyone can see it and stand in it. Did you get to dine out on that then?

That you always chuck it out in the cold? Oh, yeah. Well, that's why I put it out. Yeah, right. She cleaned it and stuff. Oh, right, okay. Whereas usually I get tasked with that,

but she knew that it would not have happened. She couldn't have delegated that to you. Absolutely not. It would not have flown. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Gin that tastes like lollies and stuff from your childhood is apparently nothing new. As I've been reading about this Hubba Bubba gin, I've learned that there's something being sold at Witherspoons in England.

I'm called Palmer Violet's Flavoured Gin. Oh, okay. And it's an old Palmer Violet was an old lolly. It's a bit like a smoker's lolly. Okay. Right. Smoker's flavoured alcohol. Gin.

Yuck. Yeah. That's grim. There's fruit salad flavoured gin by the same people. And I'm guessing to get around trademark, Hubba Bubba flavoured gin is officially called Bubba Hubba gin. Okay. On the bottle by the people that are making it called Sweet Little Liquors.

Liquors. Sweet Little Liquors. It is a boutique liquor joint, as you've probably guessed. And they consider it ginspiration. I would love a bottle of this. Just even just one glass, just to try it. And they consider it ginspiration. I would love a bottle of this. Even just one glass, just to try it. On the nose, it's described as bubblegum sweetness on the nose. The palate will be nostalgic bubblegum flavours.

The finish, medium length with sweet bubblegum with juniper. And the ideal mixer would be premium lemonade or premium tonic water. Oh, it just sounds so... The label looks exactly like Hubba Bubba, but the words are back to fine. But yeah, Bubba Hubba. I'd imagine they've got an incoming lawsuit that they're going to be dealing with.

Yeah. But anyway, onwards, because that sounds disgusting. Are the top six flavours from your childhood mixed with booze? Because everybody loves nostalgia and drinking to forget. Number six, Kahlua Cocoa Pops. Wow. Just thinking about that for a second. Judged by the looks on the faces in studio,

that probably should have been number one. I don't know if I'm going to get that sort of reaction. Do you know how I feel about Kahlua? That's like one of my faves. And Coco Pops are always great. Yeah. Do you put milk in or not milk? No, you put a little bit of milk in.

Well, no more than there's already in the Kahlua. No, that's Bailey's. Kahlua doesn't have milk in it. You've got to add milk to a Kahlua. So what's Kahlua? It's coffee liqueur. It's a coffee liqueur. Yeah, it's a liqueur.

Okay, and... Bailey's is like a chocolate liqueur. Okay. And... Yeah. And... Which one's the one that Nan's like a drink of? Bailey's.

Bailey's is a whiskey then. That's not a whiskey. One's got a whiskey. One's a whiskey. Bailey's isn't a whiskey. You know Canterbury Cream was the cheap rip-off of something. What was Canterbury Cream the rip-off of? It was Bailey's.

I'm sure one of them's got whiskey in it. A Bailey's. No. Have a Bailey's. Can you please Google that? I'm pretty sure Bailey's has whiskey in it. It's the Irish cream. Yeah.

Irish. I don't want to tell you. It's whiskey. Bailey's Irish cream don't want to tell you It's whiskey Bailey's Irish cream Is an Irish whiskey And cream based liqueur Told you Shut the front door

Shut the front door And one of them What one's the rum With the cream Rum and cream's the other one Johnny if you're listening Because my mate Johnny Drinks these on Friday

Does he Oh that boy Always sits down For a white Russian. All right, that's the vodka one. Everything's been mixed with cream, which sounds like disgusting and it would curdle, eh? But yeah, yeah.

We talked about creamy liqueurs when we were playing Fortnite a couple of months ago. No, a black Russian's better than a white Russian because you don't get so bloaty. Yeah, well, that's life. Number five on the list of the top six flavours from your childhood mixed with booze after Hubba Bubba Gin announced is K-Bar Tequila

or Te K-Bar Wheeler. Te K-Bar Wheeler. Purple K-Bar, always. Whatever K-Bar you want. K-Bar would go pretty well with gin as well, I think, and vodka.

It would go pretty well with those. If you put that in like a bottle or something, the K-Bar would just dissolve, right? Eventually, yeah. You think what I'm thinking, Pinky? No, brain. Brain?

No, it's always brain that asks Pinky. Oh, is it? And it's a, yeah, but how are we going to get all the elephants in here? No. Same thing I'm thinking every night. It's time to take over the world or whatever. So, yeah, K-Bar tequila.

Okay. Number four on the list. I go for a more savoury feel. Burger ring beers. Get a beer with a bit of a burger ring can to it. But how do you get the flavour in there? Because it would go, you'd mush up the burger rings. Oh, I know, you wouldn't mush up.

You'd just get the essential flavours of burger rings, which are pretty much just cheese, right? Do you think that burger rings, if you crush them up and put them in a meat patty for a burger, would be nice? Yes. Think about that for a second. Yeah. Burger rings. It's sort of Inception though, right? Because that's... Burger rings are made to

taste like burgers, yet you're crushing them up and putting them in burgers to make a burger taste more like a burger. Because burgers don't taste like burger rings. So make your burger taste like a burger rings by putting burger rings in your burger. Oh my god, yes. I need to do that now. You're supposed to put breadcrumbs in a burger rings by putting burger rings in your burger. Oh my God, yes. I need to do that now. You're supposed to put breadcrumbs in a burger anyway

to hold it together. Well, I talked about it yesterday. People are crushing up all sorts of things. I can't see why burger rings couldn't happen. Oh my God. You're welcome, New Zealand. And then have a burger ring beer with it. Number three on the list of the top six flavours

from your childhood mixed with booze. Lesnack Sake. Oh no, you're losing me. I'm losing you. You're losing us. Come back to me. Come back to me. Number two on the list.

I'm going to win you back with this one. On the top six flavours of your childhood mixed with booze. Maybe not. Jagermeister Juicies. And it only just occurred to me.

I wrote that down but it only just occurred to me that it's that down, but it only just occurred to me that it's not Jagermeister Juicy's because I was going for the same sound. With the dots over there. Jagermeister Juicy's

would work better because it's Jagermeister. Jagermeister Juicy's. Yeah. Actually, you know what? Jagermeister would go better

with like a Vicks Formula 44 cough drop. Yeah, because it tastes like a medicine. Do you remember when cough lollies all tasted grim? Like they all tasted like Vicks Formula 44? Yeah. Ugh. I don't mind a Vicks lolly.

And what happened to the first 43 formulas? How many people died? How many people died before we got to the perfect formula? So many people must have died. And the number one is never going to sell. We should have done this list in the other way. Carlo or Coco Pops

is never going to be beaten, but Absinthe Oreos. Oh, yuck. Absinthe's anything. I know. I do. I hate, when you get tricked into Absinthe,

I packed a sad and left a party once because someone's like, hey, have a shot of this. It's Jagermeister. I was like, okay. And I was like, in the mouth,

I was like, Absinthe. Threw the shot glass on the ground and stormed off and went home. It's not over. I hate being tricked into that. Yeah. It makes me very upset.

Very angry. I hate that stuff. It's disgusting. But put it in an Oreo, maybe. Maybe you got me. That is today's top six. Princess Eugenie, she's the one that's getting married, right? Soon, and copying Meghan and Harry's wedding.

You've talked about her before, but she's not my top tier royals. I don't really know what she looks like. She's Fergie's daughter. Right. So she's got herself in trouble, royally in trouble for something she's done. She put up a photo of her dad, who is Prince Andrew, inside Buckingham Palace. So it was after Trooping the Colour Ceremony. So it got, like, she got lots of lights and stuff.

But it's a real candid photo. So he's standing in the hallway. It's kind of what you would imagine. There's red carpet and there's pictures on the walls and stuff. And he's wearing that red coat with all the medals on it and the blue sash. I don't know what uniform that is but you know the one. Some kind of military uniform? Yeah. Okay.

And so she's gotten in trouble with that because it was too personal and you're not supposed to show like insides of the royal the Buckingham Palace. And you're not. Only like in official photos. Yeah, in official photos. So was he

kind of, when you say candid, was he kind of mucking around? No, he's just standing there with a silly grin on his face. Like it's not properly posing. Show us a photo. Oh, that's not bad. She got in trouble for that. Yeah. But you don't ever see

like candid pictures inside unless they're proper like you know, press situations. Because most of the royals wouldn't have an Instagram, would they? No, that's true. It's not like Meghan Markle, because Meghan Markle got rid of all of hers. Yeah, social media. Sorry, and we'll have never had one.

But are Eugenie and the other one allowed one? A little bit ousted, eh, because of Fergie. Yeah, well, I mean, that's one thing. He's had a photo looking a bit nerdy, but she was photographed. Was someone sucking on her toes? Remember back in the day? Oh, my God, that's right. Yeah.

So that's not bad in the scheme of things. So has she had to take that down? I think she took it down, yeah. But she said she got in trouble with it because that part is off limits to the public. I can relate. Because we've all put up a photo where Megan wasn't looking or isn't happy with it.

What are you talking about? You're the worst. I'll put a photo up and tag Fletch in it and he'll be like, untag, and then I try to tag him again and he'll be like, you are unable to tag this user. I'll be like, what's going And then I try to tag him again and he'll be like, you are unable to tag this user. I'll be like, what's going on here? There are so many photos on my Facebook page where it's like,

Megan and Fletch and then Megan and Vaughn and no Fletch. Untag. You can't tag every single photo of yourself. You should just let me tag the ones I want to be in. I tag. No, you just need to put like timeline review on. That's what I do. So then it doesn't come up. Life's not fun when to put timeline review on. That's what I do. So then it doesn't come up in your...

Oh, no, that's... Life's not fun when you leave timeline review on. You guys should just try being hot all the time. You don't have to worry about this. Like, seriously, I put it on myself. I'm like, God, again? How do they do this? Or just perfectly average all the time.

Yeah, exactly. You know what you're going to get. Consistency is key. Me and my Beyonce versus me and my Britney. It's all relative. Well, off the back of Eugenie putting up a picture of her dad in Buckingham Palace, I'd like to know what photo you've posted that got you in trouble. I always get in trouble if I put photos up with Sade in it

and I haven't had pre-approval. Did you ask her if you could put up one of her last night watching Love Island? No. Double screening? No, no. Did you get in trouble for that? Ah, she just said you check your shit when she came to me. Because I thought, oh.

Yeah, I was right behind her the whole time. I videoed her and she just, yeah. She was double screening. But no, I obviously checked. I was like, well, there's no like stains on her clothes or anything, so this is all good. But that's a photo of her. What if you put up a photo of you with a hot girl?

Oh, I'm an idiot. Come on. And when was the last time I had a photo with a hot girl? It's just you two mugs the whole time. I'm out. Out. We're right here. I mean, I'm not going to be for everyone.

Okay, you're a couple of hot girls. You're a couple of hot girls. You're a couple of hot bitches. But she knows you. She knows you. Someone's trash is someone else's treasure. So, yeah, okay, so we'll take some calls. 0800-DARLS-AT-M 9696. When did you get in trouble putting up a photo?

Maybe it was somewhere you shouldn't be taking a photo. Maybe it was who was in the photo. Or maybe someone wasn't happy. Or you weren't supposed to be where you were. Could be anything. Oh, yeah. Okay, so why did you get in trouble? Give us a call.

0800-DARLS-AT-M. We're talking about when you uploaded a photo, put a photo somewhere that got you in trouble. Who told you off and what was it of is what we want to know. You can text 9696 or call 0800-DARLS-AT-M. Somebody said, my friend got in trouble for taking a photo of a kiwi inside a kiwi house. Why? Because she used the flash.

Well, otherwise you can't see it because it's in the dark. I know, because sometimes I wonder if there are any kiwis in the kiwi house. It's a real roll of the dice when we go to the zoo, Auckland Zoo, the kids are like, do you reckon we're going to see a kiwi today? I was like, I don't know.

And then they're real sad when there's not, but then really stoked when there is a kiwi. One time he ran up and down in the front. I was like, this is a good show. Oh, wow. This is a good show. You're a good national bird. Then you go there, he's not there, and he's like,

terrible national bird. We should change it to the kiwi or something cheeky. Or the seagull, because at least there's lots of them. You always see the Kiwi National Bird, especially if you've got chips. But it was an amazing shot, but then when we put the shot online, when we put the shot online,

it got in trouble again, saying you shouldn't use a flash in a Kiwi house. Which is true. But then you've got the shot, haven't you? I'd just say, oh no, the lights were on at the time. Not how a Kiwi house works, but sure. Okay, you go with that.

Somebody said, I've got pretty much any pictures I take of my wife and put on Facebook while trying to show everybody how beautiful she is. Oh yeah, cute. Always check, because what you think is beautiful is not beautiful to everyone else. Always just check. Or just, you know, take the compliment that your husband thinks you're beautiful, so.

I work for a skydive company and took a photo in the plane on the way up. We put it up, and then on further review, it turns out one of the tandem masters had the customer in front of him, and he was just laying back strolling through Facebook. I got a huge bollocking and told to take it down because it made it look like we were taking all this far too casually. Yeah, right.

I got a written warning from my work for posting a photo of me drinking tequila on a Sunday to Facebook. What? I work in education Monday to Friday. Had nothing to do with the work but apparently

it was a bad look for the company. Oh. That's weird. On a Sunday? To make control of what you're doing if it's not illegal?

The tequila's out of your system by at least Monday lunchtime. Yeah. Isn't it? Yeah. You're fine. Somebody said I recently posted Monday lunchtime. Yeah. Isn't it? Yeah. Fine. Somebody said I recently posted an after sex selfie on Facebook

as I look pretty darn chuffed. I was topless and in my jocks. A day later, my auntie furiously called me saying I shouldn't post it as I have photos of her child and I on Facebook and any association with children made it inappropriate But the child wasn't in the same photo. No, obviously not. Yeah. Uncle Craig's an adoring, attentive uncle in person, but Uncle Craig also, you know, has sex.

Wow. Greer, what happened? So my sister posted a video of my dad singing the thinniest and furthest theme song from Disney Channel. Yeah. And then he found, like someone, like a friend shared it

because they thought it was funny and then he found out about it because he doesn't have Facebook. So I told him thinking, you know, all this. And then he got very upset about the situation. What's it have been shared around his friend group? And he'd been made to look a fool. Yeah, well, no, people just like our friends thought it was funny

because it's, you know, the show that we were watching at the time. Yeah. And so, you know, it started to go a little bit like Cambridge viral on Facebook. And then he was not impressed. Oh, no. All of Cambridge had seen it. Oh no.

It pops out to Prince Albert tab and everybody's like yeah, sing us that bloody Phineas and Ferb song, Kim.

You crack up. Oh no. Alright, I agree. Thanks for your call. Thanks. Holly. Good morning.

Good morning. So what did you put a photo up of that you got in trouble for? I posted a boomerang of my partner walking into Kmart and he got really mad

because he didn't want people thinking that he had given in to me begging him to go with me. But it was actually his idea to go shopping there.

Oh! He didn't want to be seen willingly walking in there. No, no. He didn't want anyone to know that he enjoyed it. Right, you got a boomerang that he had a bit of a strut on

and he had a big smile, a bit of a swagger and a step. Oh yeah, loves it. He's loving it. Loves a bit of home wear. Who doesn't love a stroller on Kmart though, eh?

So good. Not a huge fan. No, apart from Vaughn. He's traumatised. Yeah, too much Kmart. Thanks, Polly. So much shopping. Some other text messages in.

A couple of years ago at the darts, me and my brothers and a mate all went and dressed up. One of our friends wanted to come, but he gets too drunk and annoying at these sort of events. Yeah. So we told him we weren't going. I thought it would be funny to write a sign saying,

where's, and put his name on it. Yep. And hold it up just, you know, as a small in joke for our friend group that went. Murphy's Law, it went straight on Sky TV, someone screencapped it, uploaded it, and put it on Facebook

and tagged him in. Oh, no. Then you've got to explain. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's probably the best time to just say to him,

you get drunk and annoying at these sorts of things. You do. You sort yourself out if you want to hang out with us. Megan received a birthday present today. It arrived in the post. How nice that with us. Megan received a birthday present today. It arrived in the post.

How nice that my best friend got me a birthday present. And my other friends want to just, like, tear it down. Are you not... Forgetting, last week, we gave you the birthday present of Bulls. It was a couple of weeks ago, wasn't it? Yeah, one was like, I put a picture up and said, happy birthday to you. I was like, yeah, you put a picture up of me,

Bulled, with one eye half closed. That's what I look like a picture up and said happy birthday to you. I was like, yeah, you put a picture up of me bald with one eye half closed. Thank you. That's what I look like all the time. So happy birthday. Even the steaks. Bald with one eye kind of closed. We just talked about when you put a photo up and it's got you in trouble. This is not the moment for that now, Megan.

That was before. This is something different. Okay. We'd like to discuss. What do you want to talk about? Show me what you got. I got a T-shirt. For my birthday, from my best friend.

Hold it up. I got a t-shirt. For my birthday, for my best friend. Hold it up. I want to see it. Sade's got this t-shirt. Ali Express? I don't know where it came from, actually. It's got Gucci written on it. Yeah. Fair to say it didn't come from the Gucci store.

Yeah. Because when Sade got this t-shirt. Yeah. I was like, oh, okay. Like, is that a fake one? And she laughed and she said, yeah, of course. And I said, oh, why are you laughing? And she said, because these are $600 if you get a real one.

And I almost like straight up died on the spot. Especially for a t-shirt. Especially for a t-shirt. I think it's the same color. It will be because it's like the Gucci colour. No, can't you get black ones? Oh, yeah, it's a white T-shirt. Yeah, yeah, it's a white T-shirt. I'm pretty sure hers is white.

So you're saying that there are white T-shirts out there with Gucci on the front that are $600. Kate Augsby's got a real one, eh? Upstairs. Kate Augsby, that's the thing. Yeah, because they're rich. I just assume it's real. Now, it could be fake.

That would be the best part about being rich, is that you could buy fakes, but people would assume it's real. No, but that's the thing. When you're rich and you're in that group, then you can't because everyone knows what's real. How do they know, though? What's a telltale sign? Because I know Louis Vuitton.

I remember I learned you can spot a fake Louis Vuitton bag because they don't all line up. The stitching doesn't match the logos. Yeah, yeah, the logos always line up on the seam. So for the Gucci T-shirt, I don't want to tell you because then you can see this. No, go on, tell me. So the green bit on the bottom, the green and red bit, is supposed to be faded on the real ones. It's supposed to look like it's been washed a million times.

So see how this one. Spend $600 on a T-shirt that's supposed to look like it's been washed a million times. So see how this one... Spend $600 on a t-shirt that's supposed to look like it's old. Come on. I know I'm starting to sound a bit like a dad. On that one, it's real crisp. Yeah. But after a couple of washes,

that'll start fading. Yeah, that's what I figured. I'd just wash it a lot. Maybe give it a scrub with a stilo. Really cheap t-shirts aren't known to hang in there for a few too many washes, are they? But see, my opinion is if I saw you wearing that,

I'd be like, oh yeah, it's a fake. Whatever. But then if I saw someone rich wearing an actual Gucci t-shirt, I'd think, what a penis. Like, why spend that much money on a t-shirt? Why spend hundreds of dollars on a t-shirt? So you can't win. Well, I don't really care what you think.

But when you wear it, do you want people to think that it's a real Gucci t-shirt? Yep. Because you've got, Megan's got Gucci loafers. No. But they're not real either. They're not. Oh, okay.

This sucks. But then I wouldn't have thought you would have had real Gucci loafers. No. But I know people have got. Because how much do they cost? If a t-shirt's $600. Oh, like $1,000. I'd be. $1,000. like $1,000? I'd be...

$1,000? Yeah, that's crazy. I'd be wild. Yeah, so I just bought like $30 fakies. Yeah, I'm fine. Who cares? Because they look the same, right? Yeah, no, I'm all for it.

Who cares? But now you've just told everyone that I've got a fake one. Megan, nobody was going to think that's a real t-shirt. They might have. But then the problem in New Zealand is if somebody thinks you've got $600 to spend on a t-shirt, then they're like, how much is that person getting paid? To do what? Talk shit?

And then they spiral. Okay. And rightly so. Trust me, as a guy who's lived his life never spending more than $25 on a t-shirt. I know what I'm wearing now. Because I'm damned if I do it, I'm damned if I don't. Everyone knows it's fake now. But then, are they going to be

like, oh that's good, that's not real? Because, what, you're sticking it to the man. There's your approach. Fake, you should write above the Gucci write fake. Can someone tell me... I think Gucci has ones that say fake Gucci. Can someone tell me if this... Wait, real Gucci

shirts say fake Gucci on them? I think so, yeah. What games are they playing? They're crazy. They're ones that have like Vivid written on the front, so it looks like someone's just drawn on them. Anyway. Oh my God.

It's fashion. And they're $600. It's fashion, yeah, yeah. See, if this parcel had been opened at customs, would they... They would have destroyed it, eh? Because it's fake. Because don't they destroy fakes?

Or don't they seize things? They can seize things that breach patents and copyrights, right? Is that right? And trademarks. You're going to get me on a flagged list now. Everything that comes into the country from me. I would just assume anything coming into the country with Gucci written on it is probably going to be fake.

Yeah, especially when it was in that plastic wrapping and that crappy postal bag. I can't imagine that posh enough to chuck it into some of that flash tissue paper. Yeah, in a box as well. Yeah. Great birthday present though. Yeah.

Thanks. Good T-shirt. That I'm now never going to wear. Thanks. No, can you wear it tomorrow? No. But I'm definitely Not wearing it To fashion week

You wouldn't wear it To fashion week I don't know I might have No they're the most Judgmental crowd ever You did know They'd know

That'd sniff you out We're gonna wash it A few times Start fading a bit And then We're into fashion week You guys are dicks No Vaughn and I

Have sorted out Your fashion week Outfit again I've got you sorted out your fashion week outfit again. I've got you sorted for fashion week. You're telling everyone that Sade's one's fake too. No one believes the wife of Vaughn Smith is wearing a $600 t-shirt. No, it wouldn't happen. That's more than I've ever spent on t-shirts.

All up. Fletch. Vaughn. And Megan. The podcast. Yesterday, on the way home from work, I remembered that we need about 18,000 light bulbs in our house. Why? They all went at once.

They all went ping pong, and then I like stood up to get something on a stepladder and forgot there was a light bulb above me. Did it crack your head on? It smashed. And so I was like, I stopped, and I was like, well, I'm definitely going to die now, so what do I do? Like, this is it. It's gone into, because I was like, I stopped. And I was like, well, I'm definitely going to die now. So what do I do?

Like this is it. It's gone into, because I just thought, smash light bulb through the top. I mean, I know I've got a skull, but it was right on the fontanelle, the soft bit of a baby's head. And I've always felt mine never really closed properly. You're such a drama queen.

Just calm down. All that went through your brain. It's on my fontanelle. Which never really closed properly so I need to stand still so I don't die. And that all happened and then I put my hand and I was like bleeding but not like running blood just like this perfectly weird little

half moon. So that's pretty much my Harry Potter mark now. So that ended up replacing and then a couple of others went and then I kept stealing light bulbs from different parts of the house for the break. So anyway, I need to get some eye bulbs. And a shower head because I dropped the shower head and it cracked. I was like, you shouldn't have cracked.

Do you pull the shower head down and... Oh, baby, all over me. No. Do you leave the removable shower head non-removed? No, I don't remove that. I never remove that. I've got an above and a handle. Oh, okay. I'm sorry, multi-directional. No wonder you don't remove it. I've got an above and a handle.

Oh, okay. I'm sorry, multi-directional. No wonder you don't remove yours. So one is like rain and one is like a spray. You choose which one you want. Do you want rain or a spray? That is a wasted shower on you because I've been in your house when you're like, I'm just going to take a shower. I'm like, that's cool.

And then you walk out of the room and straight back in and you're changed. And I'm like, did you have a shower? And you're like, yeah. Why don't shower for long? Oh, God, I'm in there for a long time. It's my sanctuary. But you're all over. It's a waste of... The double direction is wasted on you. You're wanding yourself with water. I'm wanding. I'm Harry Potter

in there, baby. I'm just wanding myself and then I'll hit it on the Do you have a massage-y thing? Oh, now we know why he's taking it off. Oh, great. It's a gooch massage. You can't do that down there. The shower head cracked. It's like, let me out of here. Because it's reflective. It was like a mirror.

I broke it. I'm sick of these balls. Get me out of here. And it's just like, tink. It just commits shower head suicide. It's like, tink. No, you can't go. Absolutely not.

You cannot go near the nether regions with the high pressure setting. Because there's the tube that connects the testicle to whatever magical parts are up there. Okay, yeah. Well, what about medium pressure? You drop. I dropped myself in the shower once as a young man

when I first time had a removable showerhead on the massage setting. I wasn't wrong, was I, Megan? I wasn't wrong with that. I hit the cord that connects straight drop like gasping for air on the floor of the shower. So I needed a new shower head because I dropped the shower head in that crack. So what a weird

combination of stuff. Light bulbs and a shower head. So I go in and I gather all my bits and I'm like you can imagine light bulbs are in those weird shaped boxes, so they're a bit inconvenient to carry. I've got them flat against my chest using an arm as a carrier. And I've got the shell head in the other hand,

and I'm using that arm underneath. Now that's a full arm load of fragile things. Yep. And I approach the counter, and a woman's taking up the whole counter. Yep. She's kind of like spread out. She's only buying one like small item. She's kind of spread out, her bag's on the counter, and there's nowhere up the whole counter. Yep. She's kind of like spread out. She's only buying one like small item. She's kind of spread out her bags on the counter

and there's nowhere for me to, so I'm standing there. That's okay. And then she says to the guy, oh, can I get a plastic bag? Okay. And he says, oh, we don't actually do plastic bags here anymore

because they've got rid of the plastic bags. Yep. For the single use plastic bags. Great move. Great move. You don't really need them. He said, I can offer you a small box. Okay.

And she said, oh, this is inconvenient, isn't it? But I suppose the environment. This is inconvenient, but I suppose. But I suppose the environment. Yeah, I'll take one of your boxes. So she gets this box and she puts it in the box and she turns around and looks at me and I've got like an armload of stuff.

He's going to want a plastic bag. That's what she said. I thought, how dare you speak on my behalf. And now that you've said it, I certainly would never want one because I'm going to prove I can do this. And I was like, how far away is this woman parked? That she's being wildly inconvenienced by something that would fit in her hand. She was literally parked right outside the store.

So she walked out the door. Two steps. She was at her car right in front of the store. And she walked out the door. Out the door, two steps. She was at her car right in front of the store. And she needed a plastic bag. Yeah. And the guy said to me, oh, do you want a box? I was like, no, thank you. I shall manage.

Quite loudly because she was just making her way out the door and she turned around and looked at me and we had this like glaring moment of, I've got an arch nemesis now. Add this to the list of people I'm arch nemeses with now. That they don't know about the arch nemeses? No, they've got an arch nemesis now. Add this to the list of people I'm arch nemeses with now. That they don't know about the arch nemeses? No, they've got no idea. They're just kind of like, she's like, I know why he said that loud.

He's being a smartass. Yeah, and he's probably off home to play with that vibrating shower head. Yeah, and I dropped a light bulb on the way out the store. So thankfully, because she was parked so close, she'd already gotten her car reversed and gone by then. Right. Yeah, and the guy's like, I'll get you another one. That's nice.

I had to pay for it. Oh. Swambees is a segment of the show where we hear from people who have had less than perfect dates, or maybe didn't even get to the date, or maybe it became a relationship from the date, all through dating apps. And joining us this morning to share her tale of woe is Anna.

Hello. Hello. So what happened? So basically I met this guy. I'll have to use fake names during it, but his name was Brad. I matched with this guy, Brad. Okay.

We were talking for a few weeks and then we decided to go on a date. So I went, met him up and met up with him at a bar and everything was going really well. It was all perfect. And he told me that he was a twin and I was like, that's so cool. It's so different. Like you don't really meet many twins nowadays and everything was going really well. It was all perfect. And he told me that he was a twin. And I was like, that's so cool. That's so different.

Like, you don't really meet many twins nowadays. And everything was going really well. So he came back to my house and he decided to stay over. So while we were just lying in bed, just snuggling, you know, pillow talk, he goes, oh, I've got something to tell you. Uh-oh. Brad.

And he was like, my name's not actually Brad. It is it? And he was like, my name's not actually Brad. It's Alex. And I was like, oh, why? And he's like, Brad is my twin's name. And I don't have a Facebook. So I used his Facebook to start up my Tinder. And since we are twins, I just used his photos. And I was like, oh, okay, that's fine. It's a little bit funny. I could have said this to you, man. No worries. Yeah, I was kind like, oh, okay, that's fine.

It's a little bit funny. I could have said this to you, but no worries. Yeah, I was kind of like, that would be fine. Like, you'd have a laugh and be like, okay, well, you still look the same. Like, you're not being catfished. Yeah, exactly. And I was like, I'll just change the name of my phone. Can I interject momentarily, Anna, as I can foresee an issue?

I can't. There's a an issue. I can't. There's a massive issue. Okay. Okay. Go on. So everything's going great. We've got a couple more dates. We're probably going out for a few weeks.

And I notice that he's always got these baby seats in the back of his car. So I finally buck up the courage and ask. And he's like, oh, my twin and I I we just share the same car because we live together so he's got a fiance and a baby so I just can't take him oh no oh yeah that makes sense cool no worries and then um after a couple extra weeks it starts fading out you know I start getting ghosted by him and snapchat's not being answered check something out and i thought man what's going on and then i find out he's not a twin at all he's got a fiance and he's got a kid and it was he was all this one person there's not two of them there's only one but so he was like wow justifying it that if he had this alter ego twin, it wasn't cheating?

Yeah, I guess so. No, he wasn't justifying it. He was just trying to hide his affair. I don't know. Wanting a side chick or something. And so then I got into a relationship for three years, but then I recently downloaded Tinder. And I found him on Tinder again just recently. And we matched.

Oh, my God. And was he using his real name or his twin's name? His twin's name. Oh, come on, man. Oh, my God. I know there's not a twin. But if there was, this guy's the evil twin. He is.

Come on, man. He must be a Gemini. So he's still pulling this stuff. Did he still have the fiancé and the kid? Well, I don't know. We matched because I thought I was right for the laugh. And, yeah, we matched. So that means he must have been on Tinder within the week

because I'd literally just got Tinder. Oh, my God. So there is a woman out there, a wife or a fiancé, that's none the wiser. Yeah, exactly. Did you ever think about, like, getting in touch and telling her? That's hard, though. I had no way to talk to her.

Yeah. Well, he didn't tell me he had a Facebook. I never was on Facebook. It's nothing. Right. I literally only had his number and his Snapchat. Oh, my God. What a piss.

I know. I was oblivious as well, though. These guys saw it coming. I didn't. No, because I was like, why would he not have Facebook with his twin wood? And I'm always really suspicious of people our age that don't have social media. I'm so gullible. I'd just like fall for that.

Easy. Hey, well, Anna, thank you so much for sharing. We're going to hook you up with a Swipe Me as prize pack. Cool. And if you would like to register your Swipe Me or if you had a horror dating experience, you can register ZM online or send us a message on our Facebook, FVMZM, and we can get back in touch. Thanks so much, Hannah.

No worries. FVM. The KFC test is what it's been called. I think it's weirdly dragging KFC into something that they've got nothing to do with. But this is something that is looking to be changed. But at the moment, it's not illegal for a

maybe landlord, somebody that you want to rent changed. But at the moment, it's not illegal for a maybe landlord, somebody that you want to rent their house off them, to say to you, okay, cool, I need to see your last three months of bank statements to see how you spend your money. And I didn't know this until this is in the news, and I'm imagining a lot of people don't. Blew my mind.

I wouldn't. I think it's even too much that they ask you how much you earn. I just, because when I was looking for a flat, heaps of people asked me, and I'd just be like, oh, I'm not applying for that one. So how would they ask? Would they be like, oh, okay, so cool, fill in this application form. Some application forms require you to put in statements

or put in how much you earn. And I was like, I don't know if I trust people with that information. I don't want to give it to just anyone. Because it's not the bank asking for a mortgage. It's like a property manager or some, you don't know what they're going to do with that info. Because the bank is required to keep your personal information safe, you know. But what are they like?

Well, you don't know that they're chucking that in the bin with a hundred other forms and someone could get it out and then you're the victim of, you know, identity fraud. But I was lucky because I had time to look. But if you were desperate, like, what are you supposed to do? If you don't provide those details, then they're not going to give it to you. I always think what I would do in a situation,

if I had three months worth of someone's bank statements, I'd go through and go, You would judge them. You would judge them. in a situation. Yeah. If I had three months worth of someone's bank statements, I'd go through and go, whew! You would judge them. You would judge them. And that's why they're calling, they're calling this the KFC test because they had hearings

about the tenancy laws and one property agent said, oh yeah, I asked for three months statements and I looked through and McDonald's, KFC, the pokies.

So? Do the pokies, like, can you make an impulse withdrawal? Or just a cash withdrawal. A pub. Right.

So if you buy takeaways, they're not going to give you the house. But it's none of their business. Because it's like someone else said, oh, well, would it be different if it was

Ponsonby Bistro, you know, or a yoga studio? Like, it's still spending money. You can't judge someone. Or like Saturday night at 11 o'clock, it says they were at a yoga studio. Like, it's still spending money. You can't judge someone. Or like Saturday night at 11 o'clock, it says they were at a mechanic's. And you're like, oh, that's a weird time to go to mechanics,

but you've got to look after your car. Producer Caitlin, you're actually looking for a new flat at the moment with your current flatmate, Ellie. And didn't you go to an open home viewing last night? And then they were just like, if you want to apply for this, obviously go to the website and just give us your ID and stuff like that. We need to see your proof that you've got money coming in.

And because, oh, I can't remember exactly. What's their proof of money coming in? They just want to know. Bank statements. Yeah, they want to see the account that says your employer's name and how much they're putting in and how often. You're just saying

that you get paid and you've got a steady job and how much you get paid isn't even enough. They need to see it coming in regularly. But then to know what you're spending

that money on, that's rough. It's weirdo. I don't think it's cool. They shouldn't have that info. Yeah. Yeah, because if you've got the listed price

of how much it costs a week and people are applying for it and you say,, yeah, so it's this much a week. We're grown-ups. We know if we can afford it or not. Yeah, yeah. And then if they miss it. But to be the devil's advocate, you say that, but some people are rubbish with money.

But my question is, if you don't pay your rent, can't they just kick you out? Yeah, but then it's a hassle. You've got to find someone else. Right. But then why don't they just talk like, we've never skipped a rent payment. Yeah, but then it's a hassle. You've got to find someone else. But then why don't they just talk like, I've never, we've never skipped a rent payment. Yeah, just get that to a landlord.

That's what I was going to say. If you had references from previous landlords saying that you were good tenants, then that would be... That should surely be enough. It's so invasive. It's pretty crazy. But then, like you say,

you're desperate for a flat. You're going to give these people the info, aren't you? But also it doesn't mean that for three months you've got to like, no takeaways, like keep your statements

like... Squeaky clean. Squeaky clean. But like, who cares if I order Uber Eats every night? I know, right? It's not her business

or his business. Yeah, you actually like move to an area and make sure you pay the rent because they've got the best Uber Eats. Exactly, and I'm keeping the kitchen clean

because I'm not using it at all. Oh, good call. It's less wear and tear on the oven and Eats. Exactly. And I'm keeping the kitchen clean because I'm not using it at all. Oh, good call. It's less wear and tear on the oven. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Yeah. That's good stuff.

I mean, I'm the perfect flatmate. Could we... Perfect team. Okay, here's what I think we should do. Could we take some calls? What would you have to explain in your bank statement? Like, if you had to go back...

I've had a case of this recently. If you had to go back the last few months, what would you have to explain to a landlord that's in your, like is it just, because sometimes you don't, I never really log onto the internet banking past the main screen where I just pay off my credit card or whatever. But sometimes I go in and it's like supermarket, supermarket, sushi, sushi, sushi, sushi, Peter Pitt, sushi, sushi,

or you know, or dairy underneath my house, dairy underneath my house, dairy underneath my house dairy underneath my house dairy underneath my house which is like lots of lollies yeah this is a bad day it was Glassons Kmart

and then I went bowling oh you can't pay the rent if you're bowling I've seen movies about bowlers bad sucks because I had this recently I went to buy something and the F plus card. And I was like,

oh, that can't be right because I've just put money on there. So I transferred some more and then I sat in the car and I was like, right. Where's that money gone? And I looked in and I saw there's been a few purchases at a place that I wrongly assumed due to the

regularity of purchase, it must have been a flash supermarket. It's called Daycuba. Which sounds like a Faro Fresh to me. It's not. It's a women's clothing store. This is what I find out. Really?

Hey, that's good that you pronounced it right because there's a J in there. Daycuba. I know how to pronounce it because I said, what's good that you pronounced it right because there's a J in there. Daycuba. Oh, no, I know how to pronounce it because I said, what's decubja? And Shada said, decubja, and I spelled it out and she said, daycubia. But that can also be like a strip club. Oh, not at like 11.30 in the morning on a Tuesday, I hope.

Who's putting a silent J in the name of their strip club? It's a bit classy, though. It is classy. That's what I was thinking. It sounds classy. And so I'm like, what is this place? Is this like a food thing? Yeah.

She needs to draw money out and then pay with cash. And there was. That happened as well. There was a cash withdrawal from an Air Force machine. And you're the one that's getting declined in the stores. Yeah, I got declined because of the Cuba. So, okay, let's take some calls. 0800-DARCITYM9696.

If you had to go back in the last three months on your bank statements, what would you have to explain? I think this is going to be a good one. Yeah, I was. I'm always buying little bits and pieces. 9696. FVM, the podcast. So we want to know if you had to go through your last three months of bank statements,

what would somebody say? What would somebody say? What would you have to explain? But before we get to that, Hayley, Works for a Bank, has called up. You've got to work around for this. Anyone that needs to show landlords some statements. Yeah, correct. So usually what I do when customers come in asking for their statements,

I actually refine it down to just their income coming through. It just means that it's a little bit less invasive and a lot of the time the customers don't actually come back asking for full statements. The tenancies usually just accept it. Which is fair enough because that's all you need to show them you don't need to show them coming in regularly yeah correct and could you take out like one or two things um i could okay yeah okay um that you could take out something yeah i never thought about doing that that's really really, that's a good idea. Because you can do that on the internet banking.

You can put it in order of the money deposited. Yeah, yeah. So you could do that as well. Or the amount, you could order it by the amounts. I know because that changes the date. But if you did it by a year, money coming in. Okay, Hayley, great tip. Thank you so much.

That's all right. Some explanations on the last three or four months of your bank statements. If you were applying for a flat and where to live, some text messages in. Somebody said, all my purchases from hunting and fishing. I didn't even realize it was so bad until I just looked at my statements after you guys talked about it. And crikey, I buy a lot of stuff from hunting and fishing

that imagine I'm amassing some sort of arsenal. Somebody said, I get all the cash out every week because I don't trust the bank anymore. So it would literally be all the money in or rent all the money out. Yeah, but then you're one house far away from losing all your savings, aren't you? Yeah. Under the mattress. I think that's still going to be safer in a bank.

All right, we'll take some calls. Kate, what would you have to explain to a landlord? Hi, when my friends and I transfer each other money, like everyone writes funny statements, like Sunday sex, gigolo, prostitute. I'm actually on my internet banking. When's the last time you transferred me money, Will? Ah, well, you know, this is going to make us sound really masculine, but I believe I paid you back for tickets to Cher.

We're going to Cher. Don't be ashamed about that. I'm not ashamed. There's no shame in that. Gosh, she's an absolute queen. She is. Okay, you paid me money on the 29th of June for you and Sade's tickets. Yeah. Can you read it out?

Details. Cher tickets, homosexual icons limited. That's what you wrote. Oh, that's actually pretty clean. Because every time I pay Caitlin for babysitting, I always spot something wildly inappropriate in that too. Because I just like that the bank's going to have to...

I remember once I had to apply for a loan at a bank and you'd paid me money and it was like money for cocaine, prostitutes, hookers. So when we'd go through Caitlin's statements to apply for her flat, we're going to filter out any payments from Bourne. Oh, yeah, because I paid you back for those Love Island drink bottles when you ordered you and Sade Love Island drink bottles.

That was only like a few weeks ago. What did that say? What did you say on that? Can you look that up now, Caitlin? That would even be inappropriate. But somebody else said that happened to them. They had to pay, their mates had to pay them back. They paid for a golf trip with a credit card

and their mates put the money into the account. And one of them wrote limestone and rope. And then they were applying for a, I don't know, but it's a weird combination of things. Like if you were going to hide a murdered body? I don't. Limestone, lime to. And a dissolver? I don't know. Limestone lime to... And dissolve it as a rope?

That's weird. I don't know. But again, you'd have questions as a landlord. Rebecca, what would you have to explain to a landlord from the last three months of bank statements? The several hundred dollars a month I spend on Amazon. Why? What on at Amazon?

The dog. What are at Amazon? The dogs. What are you buying, like, outfits? Well, that's about 50% of it, but the other 50% I buy herbal remedies because there's a company in America which has more financial backing to do its research than they have in New Zealand.

We're getting into the politics of herbal research. What, um, okay. This would be a great one to explain to a landlord if the thing said no pets and you'd forgot you were lying about having pets. Yes. I said $400 a month on dogs,

but it says no pets. What? Dogs. I didn't say dogs. I said frogs. No frogs either. No, that's a pet. Thanks, you call Rebecca.

Some more text messages. Did you find out what Vaughan put in your babysitting money? Yeah, all of them say drugs, guns and stealing. And stealing. Are you saying drugs, guns, stealing or what? I've got you saved in my bank thing, so it must just be automatic. Oh no, Ali's got one for me. It's sex money. That's my flatmate. No, no, no,. Oh no, Ali's got one for me, it's sex money.

That's my flatmate. No, no, no, no. That's going to be good for the landlord though. Can somebody tell me, does this actually hurt getting a loan or affect anything? They know that people do this, right? Everybody does this. Because if it was actually happening, you're not going to write guns, drugs, stealing. Although you could,

because everyone does. Think about that. Somebody said they had this just happen recently, actually. They applied for a place and they said, I'm going to need to see a copy of your statements. And they showed them and the landlord said, oh, what's this? You're spending a lot of money on this. And he said, oh, that's Fortnite,

buying skins and add-ons and stuff for Fortnite. And the landlord was like, I love Fortnite too. Got me the flat. Oh! What? Personal tie-in. So maybe I don't know if you can find some sort of common ground with stuff you're chucking a lot of money at.

It might help you get in there. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about Anne Frank, Japan, and tampons. How do those three, I don't know, come together? Okay, this is the news. Anne Frank has a range of tampons named after her. I was going to say. That was going to be my guess. But I didn't want to be offensive. In Japan. Yeah, I know. I was going to say. That was going to be my guess.

But I didn't want to be offensive. In Japan. Yeah, I know. I was thinking, well, that's got to be it. Anne Frank Tammies. Yep, Anne Frank tampons. What do they look like? Just standard tampons.

Oh, like the cover. Oh, I don't know what the latest package. Sorry. This was when they first came out. That was what they looked like. Had some Hebrew script at the bottom there. Is it just like Ann Tampon? Ann Tampon.

Yeah. Just a standard box. It's down at 170 yen. There's a sticker on there. Right. Because when Anne Frank's diary was published and, you know, studied all around the world. Yeah.

We studied it at school. We read it. I can't remember this being a major theme, but I've gone to schmoop.com. Schmoop.com's a website that helps you study. You know, in English, it was always like, what were the themes of the book? Oh, yeah.

And you had to work on the themes and character. Good website if you don't want to read it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody reads the books. So under Anne Frank's, the Diary of Anne Frank's Symbolism, Imagery and Allegory? Yep, that felt right as it came

out of my mouth. It's got the things that you could write about if you had to write an essay on the themes of Anne Frank. There's lies from a school friend, there's writing, there's the Westerthorian clock Westerthorian clock. Westerthorian clock.

It was written about throughout the diary. And menstruation. Oh, okay. Because there's a major theme throughout Anne Frank's diary is how much she was looking forward to having her period because it would make her family take her more seriously and not just as a kid. And what a horrible time

because you couldn't just nip down to the countdown to get a box of Tammys. No, you couldn't. Because the Nazis would get you. They would. They'd get you. So much so, and period and menstruation

and coming of age in Japan had always been a bit of a taboo subject and hadn't really been talked about. It was dealt with in private. You didn't talk about it openly. But when her diary was studied worldwide, it kind of lifted the cultural taboo in Japan. So much so that the day you get your first period is called Anne's Day in Japan.

What? Really? It's my Anne's Day. And everyone's like, yes. And so it lifted the cultural taboo on it. Everyone started talking about it. And a company, I guess, seized on the opportunity and released a range of Anne Frank tablets.

Right. That's crazy. Japan is weird sometimes, though. It's different to us, Fletch. It's just different. It is different. Oh, okay. Do they celebrate Anne Day? Do you have a party or something?

I don't know if you have an Anne's Day party. I think it's like Arbor Day. It's a on the calendar. It's a nice idea to plant a tree, but. Well, it's there on the calendar, but you don't get a day off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. You know what I mean?

It's one of those days. Or like National Pancake Day. Yeah. Yeah, okay. That's a thing. Yeah. Or Every Horse's Birthday. Sure.

August 1st. Is it August 1st? It's Every Horse's Birthday? I've never heard that. That's not Every Horse's Birthday. Have you never heard of Every Horse's Birthday? Why is that a 1st? It's every horse's birthday? I've never heard that. That's not every horse's birthday. Have you never heard every horse's birthday? Why is that a thing? What day is every horse's...

Not from the country. No, because horses are born on different days. August 1st marks the standardised birthday for every horse. Why? Oh, that's so sad. With Northern Hemisphere horses celebrating on the 1st of January. No one wants their birthday on New Year's Day. Everybody's always hungover,

but you can claim a little bit of the party from the night before. So there you go. It was every horse's birthday eight days ago, seven days ago. So today's fact of the day is that Anne Frank has a Japanese tampon named after her. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Oh, I can't believe it.

So it's the 8th of August, Christmas, 138 days away. Megan, daylight savings is... Just under eight weeks. And that means September's only 300 weeks away, so that's kind of, yeah, an official start of spring there. Even though some people are like, well, it's not the end of the year, it's the next. You're like, okay, calm down. It's spring.

Soon, it's coming. Let us have this nice thing. And I can tell you that Santa Parade notifications, and I don't know if it's because that's how it started. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas for us this year. But I can tell you that they are flowing out there into the social world thick and fast. People saying, reserve the date for the Santa Parade, the Howick Santa Parade, on the East Auckland Grapevine page.

It's happening on the 9th of December and they're out there saying, mark the day, it's going to be massive. It's going to be, things are going to be happening, we're going to be adding to the line-up, but mark it in your calendar on the 9th of December. We're already planning the Christmas parade. Goodness.

To Hamilton, the Iguana Street Bar and Restaurant is saying, Christmas is fast approaching, and we've got you covered with a great Christmas set menu. That's right. We've got our first Christmas set menu. Oh, wow. It's too early. Yeah.

Although staff, big companies need to start booking places in. Oh, they'll need to start looking into it. In fact, yesterday in staff meeting, Ross Boss was like, and we'll have to think about the Christmas party soon. Remember that places in. Oh, they'll need to start looking into it. In fact, yesterday in staff meeting, Ross Boss was like, and we'll have to think about the Christmas party soon. Remember that? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

That happened. I know. Because people get busy, you know. People do get busy. By the way, this set menu sounds really good, so I'm pretty keen to maybe see what happens there. Maybe we all just go. Maybe I'll just go.

Look, I'll just go by myself. That's fine. Don't worry about it. Everybody didn't give me the look that I was hoping for. Another message. This is on Trade Me Jobs. Is that Santa's looking for helpers. Ching, ching.

It says Santa is on his way soon and we're looking for any friendly, compassionate people to play a role of helping out Santa over the Christmas period. Because he brings his elves, doesn't he? But he needs people around in the mall to help out. He needs helpers. Yeah. Great rates, three to five hour shifts,

and work available throughout the country. Oh, okay. If this sounds like you, you can call the elves and get into a good position now. So, I mean, that's popping up. While we're in the Bay of Plenty, apparently the New Zealand Post store at Papamoa already has a window display for Christmas. Look at that.

Like labels and Christmas decorations. Too early. I would have thought so. What are they doing? And that's got prime real estate there in the window. Yeah. Put some stamp packs up there or something, or some courier bags.

Yeah, acquisitions at the Golden Centre Mall in Dunedin has 50% off Christmas decorations. And again, front and centre of the shop. Oh, that's clearance from last year, though, to make way for this year. I never get Christmas decoration clearances. It's all the same crap every year. Just put it in a box out the back.

He's right. Very little changes. Very little changes. You can't tell me what's in this year. Gold balls. No, I know, but if you go to buy last year, like if you buy seasonal gold balls at Christmas time, they're spinnies.

Get them now. All the memes that were made into Christmas decorations last year, like Salt Bae and the kid that did the flossing with Katy Perry, they're not going to be cool this year. Yeah, okay, true. You can't have them on clearance. And internationally, the two massive stores in London

are prepared. Harrods has its first Christmas installation of the season. They said, I know we're a little bit early, but we can't help ourselves. And Selfridges have opened their Christmas shop. It's 32 degrees outside, by the way, in London. Oh, jeez. And Selfridge has their Christmas shop. It's 32 degrees outside, by the way, in London.

Oh, jeez. And Selfridge has their Christmas store open. And they've had it open for a few days because it said they opened it with 145 days before Christmas. Do we normally end, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, when the big tree goes up at Sylvia Park? There's a few. We've talked about it before.

There's a couple of benchmarks. There's a few benchmarks. The Santa on the Farmers Building. Okay, well, keep them coming in. Any reports of Christmas. If you spot them, send them in. But with all that in mind. Right now, Christmas penetration is at...

6%. It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. F.E.M. So the applications are open for Love Island UK. Do you know, last year, so that season that's just been on, do you know how many applications they got

for... Thousands. Easily thousands. Yeah. 85,000. Is there anything stopping someone from New Zealand

or Australia or entering? You have to have a... I think you have to have a British passport. I think. But then... How much are they checking?

Yeah, I mean... I mean, if you're hot and you're trashy what yeah they'll get you one of those visas because what does it have to be sponsored when you move over there

but then what do they call you a high talent or a highly skilled visa yeah I don't know if highly skilled gets you on

Love Island well if you're hot enough yeah true that's a skill so yeah 85,000 people applied for it last year that is insane and after the reunion show which I think happened in the UK That's a skill. So yeah, 85,000 people applied for it last year.

That is insane. And after the reunion show, which I think happened in the UK on Sunday, so Monday our time, so it's only been a couple of days. Had you not heard, did you not know this was happening? The reunion show? Yeah. But we had to wait for it. Oh, okay, that it was online last night. I didn't know that they were reuniting so soon after.

Give it a month or so. Because most of them are still together. You want to hear like who's broken up, who's whatever. Had you thought that your wife was clean of Love Island until last night? No, because I knew there was a reunion show and I was like, yas. So got all my stuff done for work today

and then sat down to play some Fortnite. And then the update, because the weekly update for Fortnite came out right in the middle of it. I was like, okay, I'm off to bed. Good luck with your addiction. So Caroline Flack said on the reunion show that applications are open now. And since then, before I tell you how many applications they've got in like a couple of days. So last year they got 25,000. 85,000.

85, okay. So it's couple of days. So last year they got $25,000. $85,000. $85,000. Okay. So it's been two days. In comparison, Oxford... $5,000. Yep. Nah, man. Come on.

Thousands of thousands. $10,000. $20,000. So Oxford University gets $19,000 applications a year. Cambridge gets $17,000. And in a couple of days, they've got $25,000 applications... $25,000. And in a couple of days, they've got 25,000 applications. 25.

For Love Island UK. So you have to fill out a form. You have to provide a few photos. One of them has to be full length. Oh my God. Could you imagine being in that production room and you're scrolling through? You're like... Because let's be honest, it would be ruthless.

Yeah. Ugly people don't go on the show. It would be savage. Yeah. Ugly people don't go on the show. It would be savage. Yeah. It'd be like, no. And you have to provide a one minute video. I don't think it doesn't, I don't think it specifies on what the video has to be. So you just.

There'd be some funny videos too. In fact, you could almost do a show on the applications. On the videos. They're missing a trick if they're not. 25,000, they're not even going through that many, are they? No. Yeah.

Well, if you want to. Good God. If you've got a British passport, it's open. ZM's. Fletch. Vaughan. And Megan.

The podcast. For more, check out FVM ZM on Facebook. ZM.