ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - August 15 2018

Episode Date: August 14, 2018

A solution for Producer Anya's shaving regime, the top 10 red flags for a relationship and what note did you get from your neighbor?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. You can stay connected with free Wi-Fi, a gig a day, on the $19 Spark prepaid rollover pack. Enjoy. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. What was that physicist discovery? Because it was like, could could undo one of the secrets

of the universe and then it was about flying cars and I've never considered flying cars you know one of the untold secrets

of the universe yeah I don't know he was like oh 20 years ago someone did something about quantum physics and now we have iPhones so I was like

there's a connection he knows what he's talking about flying cars he's like I'll break it down for you, dum-dums. Could lead to flying cars. And we're all just like, brilliant.

Yeah. Finally. You've got sniffles today, Megan? Yeah, I don't know what happened. Just, that's my proof. Winter? Yeah. Just hit me overnight.

It'll get you, eh? Seasons. There's a lot of that going around at the moment. If only not a couple of weeks till spring. Yeah, and then everyone's going to get that seasonal change of seasons cold. Then you get that weird summer cold where you're like, why am I dealing with a cold? It's summer and then it'll be autumn.

And then you'll get the autumnal change of season colds. It's just year round. It's just year. There's no escaping it. It's an inevitability. Caitlin thinks one echinacea pill's going to save it. Four.

Can you OD on echinacea? I was like, I've got a bit of a sore throat. Caitlin's like, well, I had an echinacea so I'm fine. I take four echinacea and I'm all good. Is there a maximum dose on the bottle? Yes. Well, my mum said I'm all good. Is there a maximum dose on the bottle? I think,

well, my mum said I can take four, so. She'll just burp echinacea all day. Well, her wee smells like a kitty litter tray,

but she's... I just take four every day for the whole year and I only get sick like three times. She's your single hand like keeping the echinacea business in business.

I know. It's echinacea and garlic. Oh, so you just stank then. You just top to bottom stanky, but at least you don't have a cold. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Three news headlines for three news stories that I've found

from news sites around the world. Interesting, unusual news stories. Vaughan and Megan pick one of the following three. The others, deleted. We never find out about them. It's just the harsh reality that is story time. Headline one. No Googling.

Headline one, man caught with Edward machete hands. Headline two. Mugshot Bay. And headline three Gold Town Safe Mystery Those are the headlines Okay Gold Town Safe Mystery I know As a big fan of

Alaskan based gold reality TV shows. What's that one you watch? Gold Rush Every now and then I'll watch a little Bering Sea Gold Okay But it's not one of my faves This is the town Up there Every now and then I'll watch a little Bering Seagull. Okay. But it's not one of my faves. Okay. This is the town up there.

They have found some old safe. What's the Alaskan town? Klondike. Klondike. They have found a safe. One of the original Alaskan gold rushers. They found a safe. What's it got in it?

Well, they don't know because they haven't opened it yet. The main sort of debate on the safe is when they're going to open it and how they're going to open it. And then who gets to keep what's inside? I know, because developers dug it up. So surely you'd be... Finance keepers. If I was a developer, I'd be like,

you keep your damn mouth shut. Oh, yeah. We'll all go, you know, however many people are working here, we'll all go divvies. We'll divvy it up. Buy a blowtorch and get into it. Exactly.

Don't tell anybody about it. Treasures. Well, we've done that one. So Mugshop Bay or Mancourt with Edward Machete Hands? I like Mugshop Bay. That sounds like a hot crim. And Edward Machete Hands, someone's like. Oh, Mugshop Bay, B-A-E.

I took Mugshop Bay as in like location B-A-Y. Oh no. No. Like a calm spot of water. Yeah. No, it's not that. It's not that. We're in order to have their mugshot second. Okay, Mugshot Bay. Alright, well we go to America now and a Texas

A&M University whatever that is. Actually she's a former student. She's turned into an internet sensation after her mugshot earlier this year went viral. Now, she was arrested for possession of marijuana on the 6th of February. Okay. Started this year. Now, she was booked into the Hunt County Jail.

And, of course, when that happens, you get a mugshot. I'll show you the mugshot. Okay. Yeah. She's got some pink eyeliner there. Yep. Eyeshadow rather. Would you say good makeup?

Yeah. Not bad. Wow. People started reaching out to her after she went viral on a Twitter account called Twitter Mugshot Bays. So they post, we've got 80,000 followers, and they post hot crims. Probably how that other hot guy, you know.

Jeremy Meeks. Yeah, he ended up getting a modelling career after he got out of jail, didn't he? Yeah, yeah. How he goes viral. Because in America, it's all public. If you are booked, your mugshot is public. And I guess people just trawl through these mugshots looking for hilarious mugshots and also hot people.

But after she got out, people started reaching out for her makeup tips because even after her arrest and her jail time, she still had impeccable makeup. Really? She's got fake lashes on too, so, so she knows what she's doing. Yeah. So is she doing tutorials now?

I believe she's doing tutorials now, yeah, and that's kind of where she's heading. Okay. So, I mean, it all started, I guess, with an arrest and some bad news and some jail time, but it's all working out for her now and she's doing makeup tutorials. I don't know if she's Shan XO level. But, you know. Something to aim for.

Something to aim for, yeah, exactly. I just searched on Twitter Mugshot Bays. It also says everything. It says what they were charged with. Oh, because you get all the people that are like high on drugs and all their mugshots are like bleh. I tell you what, everyone on this, because it's mugshot based,

everybody kind of looks okay. Right, okay. Or maybe, but there's like, before I said, oh, she's attractive, but her charge was attempting to seduce a minor. Jeez, okay. And I saw this other one and I was like, attractive.

And it was like, grand theft auto and like, physical intimidation. Well, you've got to remember these are criminals. Like, you're looking at their mugshot.

Yeah. But they're hot. What do they need to do that for? Yeah. Hot people just cruise through life, don't they? Who was that guy in court? You were like,

oh, he's hot. And wasn't he like, on a murder charge or something? Or something bad? Oh, yeah. What was his name? Let's not say. I'm going to turn into one of those people that writes to murderers.

Writes to prisoners. Hi. Hi. Just want to be your connection to the outside world. I know you murdered 10 people, but you're so beautiful. These things happen. People can change. This sort of thing happens.

And you go celibate and hold out for like 25 years. This would be a fun game on mugshot base to just like, just show people the picture. Okay, like I'll cover what she's done. What do you think she did? Oh, definitely something violent. Murder. Yeah, I picked it.

Oh, I love that the caption's just murder. Yeah, yeah, simply murder. That's all it says. Can we do another one? Can we do another one? Yeah, sure. Okay. Oh, okay. This the caption's just murder. Yeah, yeah, simply murder. That's all it says. Can we do another one? Can we do another one? Yeah, sure. Okay. Oh, okay, this one's pretty good.

This one's pretty good. I like this game. This is good. This is good. Oh, I just got to make sure I've covered everything. Oh, this is a long one. Okay. Oh, something.

Armed robbery? No, no, something like. Battery? Yeah, like. Her boyfriend or something? Yeah, I was thinking something like that. Stabbing a police officer and stealing a patrol car. Oh, she looks so innocent and sweet.

She's got good makeup too. But obviously you guys saw a glint of crazy there because you both went for like physical violence. Like I imagine she found her boyfriend cheating and so lashed out at him and stabbed him maybe. Yeah. Like that kind of crazy. Lots of possession of marijuana. That's like a

really popular one on mugshot bays. Could this be a fun game for us to play online? A really fun game. We'll start an app. Yeah. What did they do? What did this hot person do? I don't know how we're going to pay for this app. Oh, what's this one done?

It just says she's been arrested, but charges unknown. Oh, she looks so sweet and innocent. So cute. I know. Well, she's a criminal. Wow. She's going to prison. F-M-X.

The most complained about ads. If you didn't know, there's a Broadcasting Standards Authority. That's the BSA. You might have heard the ads on the radio for them If you didn't know, there's a Broadcasting Standards Authority. That's the BSA. You might have heard ads on the radio for them or seen the ads on the television saying, if you believe we've breached the boundaries of good taste and decency. Yeah, that's who can get us, the BSA. And there is an advertising equivalent called the ASA,

the Advertising Standards Authority. And if you've got a problem with it, then there's a whole lot of rules that ads have got to adhere to. That's why you never see a three-year-old on an alcohol commercial. Sculling Bacardi's. I've heard, but back in the 70s, they used to have a three-year-old just chugging back a DB. Yeah, all the time.

And he all the time. And it was commonplace. Commonplace, yeah. Bathing a kid in vodka, that kind of thing. But it's, you know, PC madness. Times have changed. Itplace, yeah. Yeah. Bathing a kid in vodka, that kind of thing. But it's, you know, PC madness. Times have changed. It's taken over. It's really taken over.

So the Advertising Standards Authority gets complaints about ads and they've let us know what people have complained about over the last year. Yeah. And these are some of the complaints. There was an ad that featured Olympic rower Hamish Bond, and this was an ad for Waddy's Steam Fresh Veg. Okay. Okay.

Right. Excuse me. Are those the ones where you put them in the microwave in the packet? Yeah, special steam bag. Okay. Yeah, so there's peas, carrots, broccoli. The complaint was... Was it something to do with plastic packaging?

No. Okay. It was to do with on the ad, the steamed vegetable pack had equal portions of broccoli, carrots and peas. However, when they purchased it, it was anything but. There was far more peas. Yeah, right. Than there was broccoli.

Like two florets of broccoli. Two tiny florets. Yeah. At the most. Right. So not at all concerned about the plastic wastage there. No, no, not of broccoli. Two tiny florets. Yeah. At the most. Right. So not at all concerned about the plastic wastage there. No, no, not at all. Not that.

Okay. Have you ever seen the ad for dead old wipes where the mum wipes down the bench with the same raggedy ass old cloth and then it kind of morphs into a chicken leg? Oh yeah, that's gross. And she continues to wipe it and she's like, and the voiceover's pretty much like, you might as well be wiping it with whatever you wiped it last with. And then she chucks it in the bin. They say that it was just an absolute waste of good food.

Just ridiculous that she'd wipe the bench with chicken and then discard it into the bin like that. Right, she should have, what, cooked it after wiping the bench. Yeah, I think the woman missed that it was metaphorical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That she may have cooked chicken and the cloth was used to wipe it so she might as well have been... Anyway, it's lost on her.

That is somebody taking a lot of time out of their day to A, find out where the hell you even complain about an ad. Correct. And then spend all that time doing it for like, you say, a metaphorical scenario. When I'm old, I think I'll just make complaints just to see if it makes a list. Like this. Be like, okay, what can I complain about? Oh yeah, okay to see if it makes a list. Like this.

They're like, okay, what can I complain about? Oh, yeah, okay. And it's like a creative writing test. Right. There's another one where it was a Powerade ad and it's Steven Adams sculling a Powerade. And somebody's complaint is that they were a professional dancer in their youth.

Yep. And we weren't allowed to leave and take a massive drink as it would slosh in the stomachs. Right. We could wet our mouths with a provided wedge of orange. Take care not to get the fragment stuck in our throat. Overhydration is bad. So it's not even about the fact that it's a sugary drink.

And did he need that much sugar? It's just that he like puts it in his mouth and then just like scrunches it. So it was like making people who are athletes think that that's a good thing to do. Right. Okay. Like they couldn't have already or probably haven't already figured that out for themselves. Correct. Yeah.

Another complaint about ad is an Oxfam ad. What are you thinking? Is it the confronting nature of people in horrendous situations that the people don't want broadcast into their house. They'd rather live in ignorant bliss. No, it's the fact that the voiceover said, Lila is 18, pregnant, and already has two children. They fled for their lives with only the clothes they wore and her husband is missing.

And the fact that these ads have been playing for months, surely we deserve an update that lady's probably had baby three and maybe even baby four by now. Oh my God. These ads are not accurate. It's false advertising. Oh my God. Because she can't still be pregnant

all these... Wow. What does that matter? The point's still being made. Oh, Christ. Another one, a feature's friend of the show, Maddie McLean,

when Breakfast at National Sleep-In Day and there was an ad for it and it showed Maddie in bed and he was whispering of the show, Maddie McLean, when Breakfast at National Sleep-In Day, and there was an ad for it, and it showed Maddie in bed, and he was whispering under the covers. They said this was the Vodafone sleep-in was to raise money for cancer research, but they made it overtly sexual with a man in the bed whispering under the covers. Wow.

Okay. Also, in the overtly sexual arena. Does it say whether these were upheld or not? Oh, no, these were all just chucked to the side. That's good. Not even taken seriously. An ad for Rexona Invisible Sweat Deodorant. They had a real problem with the fact that the deodorant can represented adult sex toys.

Very phallic. It came in all three different sizes, all of which appear to be in similar shape to adult sex toys. And they found it was overtly sexual. Would they like deodorant cans to be like round like an orange? I don't know. I don't know what they want. I was complaining that something is phallic looking. What about my drink bottle?

I've never in the morning when I put my deodorant on thought, oh, that looks like a dildo. Everything's like phallic if you're going to be like that. Everything's sort of in a sort of shape is phallic in nature because it looks like a penis. I mean, you can find genitals in anything. I still don't understand why people are watching so many ads. Like, I watch the news very rarely if there's, like, a breaking news,

but I'm just all streaming. There's older people. Streaming everything. Older people. We get very uptight about silly things. It's weird watching a TV show, if I do, and I'm like, what's this ad break? Well, my kids have watched YouTube and Netflix.

So Netflix, they've got no ads. But on YouTube, you can watch it and then press the bottom corner, you press skip ad. And when they do watch actual TV and there's ads, they're like, where's the button to skip this on TV? That's like on On Demand. You're forced to watch those ads. I know.

You're like, Love Island? Yeah. It's been forced down my throat. Almost phallically. Some bad news for New Zealand in the international list of the most livable cities. So this list is done every year by The Economist. And there was one New Zealand city that was in there,

and their number eight last year was Auckland. Where? Auckland or Wellington. Auckland. And it has or Wellington. Auckland. And it has dropped out of the top ten. So now, Auckland. What have they said is the reason why? Has anybody delved into it? Well, they take it into five groups into consideration, five factors.

Stability, infrastructure, education, healthcare and environment. Well, surely how expensive it is to get flats and buy houses, that's got to knock it right out. They actually did say that Auckland's score had slightly improved, but other cities had done even better. Oh, one of those situations. Yeah. When you tried your best

and you did okay, but people... So who knocked us out then? Well, Melbourne has been number one for a long time, actually, and they have lost their spot as well. But it's kind of sad because there's three Australian cities in the top ten, and we didn't get any in the top ten this year. What are the three Australian cities? Sydney, not Sydney?

No, you have to list the three. Sydney, Melbourne. And definitely not Brisbane. Adelaide, because it's beautiful in Adelaide. So what did you say? You said Perth. Sydney. No, I said definitely not Brisbane.

Maybe Perth. I'm going to say Sydney, Adelaide. And Melbourne. And Melbourne. Correct. You guys nailed it. Adelaide's really nice. Adelaide's beautiful.

It is beautiful. Yeah, I've been once. It's really nice. People give it a bad rate, but it's a really beautiful city. It's lots of old people. Yeah. But it has a beautiful pier and a nice beach. But it's got vineyards and stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So number 10 is Adelaide in Australia. Number 9 is Copenhagen in Denmark. They pay 50% tax or something like that, don't they? Well, we were reading up mum's travel blogs. That's where she was. Remember? Didn't they have a nice bridge or something?

Yeah, really nice. But then it's like free healthcare and free everything. Yeah, yeah. Education and all that kind of stuff. And Copenhagen cones. Yes. I believe are free when you live in Copenhagen. And hot people.

And hot people, yeah, sure. That's how I'd sell if I was, you know, trying to hike the tax rate if I was the government. I'd say, let's look at the countries with the highest tax rates. Yeah. And then, like, show them photos of, like, beautiful people and be like, we could all be this hot. We pay more tax. Yeah.

Yeah, right. I don't want half my money going to tax. That's so sad. But what if it made you hotter? Oh, okay. Take my money. See, told you. Take my money.

Easy as well. Okay. Number seven is a tie. Toronto and hotter? Oh, okay. Take my money. See? Told you. Take my money. Easy as well. Okay. Number seven is a tie. Toronto and Canada and Tokyo, Japan. Never been. To either. To either.

No. Neither. No. Six is Vancouver and Canada. Number five is Sydney, Australia. See, I could live in Melbourne, but not Sydney. I like Sydney better than Melbourne. Like the beaches are nice, but it's too many people.

Melbourne's too cool. You know? Like it's real cool. Everyone's real or cooler than you. Do you not feel cool? Nah. Okay. You know,

like quite hipster and really cool and it gets a bit judgy. If you're going to live in Australia you want to live where it's like pretty much always warm, right? Number four is Calgary. Calgary in Canada.

Three, Osaka, Japan. Number two is Melbourne. No, there's a person who did this list that's got a real stiff. Calgary in Canada. Three, Osaka, Japan. Number two is Melbourne. Now, there's a person who did this list that's got a real stiffy for Japan and Canada, right? And Australia. I'm feeling that they're really underrepresented. I don't think it's their favourite travel list. I think it's a...

There's only two countries. Oh, so Canada, Australia, Japan, and then two other countries. So they pretty much make the list. Yeah. What am I up to? Number two is Melbourne. So that was number one. It's been

knocked out by Vienna in Austria. Oh, really? Yeah. Like it's a nice city, but it's pretty boring. You don't think they were thinking of Vienneters? Yeah, but no. Like a streets Vienneter. Those are pretty yum. They're not talking about like place to go for a holiday. They're talking about like living there. Living there.

The standards are good. Yeah, right. Or something. Okay. FEM. Countdown has been forced to apologise after one of its stores has gone rogue. I love my wife said to me last night, oh, look at this alert. So I turned off my news alerts and it was like,

Countdown is set to apologise as store goes rogue. I was like, what have they done? And in my mind, I was just immediately taken to a place where our countdown is just like, nah, we're not green anymore. We don't like it. We're going to be yellow because screw you, pack and save. You don't know yellow. We're yellow now too.

And they're out there painting their store yellow. Yeah. Just everything. They're like, nah, produce isn't when you come in anymore. It's now around the checkout like where the sweets used to be. So where the Kinder Surprise used to be, there's apples now. Get healthy, bitch. It's actually worse than that because they've had to apologise

after a rogue countdown supermarket operator started using airport-style handheld scanners to check for light-fingered shoppers at the self-serve checkouts. Like a wand. Which isn't going to work on most of the stuff sold at a supermarket. Tins, sure, but who's

chucking a tin down their pants? No, I'm thinking, because you know how they've put those things in meat now? Those, like, safety tag things? Yes. What are those? I want to say RF, but that's not right, is it?

Those things, they just emit that little thing, so when they walk through the two scanners at the door, it beeps if it hasn't been deactivated. Would they go off, though? Would they go off? For an airport scanner. For an airport scanner? That's a tiny piece of metallic strip.

If you're doing a wave by. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's enough to set off when you walk between the two uprights. But then it would set them off when you walk through. Surely. No, it deactivates when they scan it. It goes over that thing.

Yeah, but if you're shoplifting it. Not at self-serve. All the time it beeps. You buy batteries, it's like beep, beep, beep. You're like, oh. But if you're shoplifting it, the wands at the end would get you. They don't need to wand you at the checkout. Right, but maybe if you put it between your thighs or something.

Concerns were raised by a shopper at Countdown Ferry Mead after security staff were seen using the handheld scanners at the self-serve checkouts. He said the shopper that did not want to be named said they were getting prepared to say, you cannot scan me under the Act. You cannot do that. And your privacy advocates, civil liberties, lawyers, etc.

have weighed in saying, yes, that's not on. You can't do that to people. Because I don't even think they can stop you. Because I've seen them trying to stop shoplifters at my local downtown supermarkets. Lots of hoodlums and rat bags

around. And they literally can't do anything. You can't hold them. Why not? They're stolen. You can try and stop them from walking out

because you don't let it touch people. Oh, PC madness. You should be able to tase them. Oh, I'd tackle them. Yeah. I mean, you can run after them.

Hometie them. Call the police, run after them so when the police get there you can be like, well, I'm with them. Here. I mean, you can run after them. Hometie them. Call the police, run after them, so when the police get there, you can be like, well, I'm with them. Here they are. This is what they stole. Oh, yeah, that's not how Batman rolls. Batman just kind of, like, chased everybody going,

please, please, they're over here. Nothing can get done in Gotham. I know. Take them down. Well, anyway, they've apologised. I mean, pretty stink if you tackle someone and they actually haven't stolen anything. They're just in a hurry to get back to their car because they're facing a family emergency.

But, you know, you can't be right every time. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello there. Today, if you've got primary school or intermediate age school children, there's a high chance you're going to be needing to look after them or find someone to look after them. Oh, can you imagine all the kids that are going to have to come with mum or dad to work? Yes. Good fun. Like, mum and dad's at work are actually going to have to, like, behave at work today.

I know. So when my kids come in, I have to, like, behave way more than I normally do. Yeah, you're real quiet. See, yeah, I'm real quiet. Excuse me? Very rude. But teachers are striking. There's going to be teacher marches all over the country.

And I mean, if you listen to the show, it's no surprise. I'm a big fan of teachers. I'm a big fan of nurses. Two very crucial parts of a functioning society. Yep. And I say give it to them. They're after a 16% pay rise over the next two years. Given that, you know, their pay rises over the last decade

haven't kept up with inflation, let alone the fact of cost of living. Oh, and they deal with shithead kids every day. All day. Give it to them. I always think if someone's doing a job that I know I really wouldn't want to do, give them what they want.

Yeah. Because, yeah, they have to deal with shitbag kids. I know, like the worst kids. We just made it our primary goal for the day to make their life hell. Everybody looks back and they're like, oh, I was a bit of a ratbag, but I wasn't the worst kid. They deal with the worst kid. Yeah. All the time.

Every year there's a new worst kid for them to deal with. Retention numbers are down. People just aren't staying in the teaching profession because they're like, oh, I might just go and be a nanny for a rich doctor in the UK and earn way more and see the world as well. So it's not just about money and a pay rise though. It's about resource being, you know, properly resourced and being able to do their jobs. PVA glue.

Lots of PVA glue. All that sort of stuff. To make a fake skin. No, it's because of you bastards using all the PVA glue to make fake skin. There's no PVA glue for actual class time. Try and peel it off all in one go. Yeah, and then make a ball out of it.

Oh, that was the good stuff. God, how good is PVA glue? I haven't played with that for so long. I'm going to buy some. Yeah, I was going to say, just get yourself a little pearl. Although now I'm an adult, I've got a hairy hand. Yeah. It might not be good for a second skin.

Yeah. Maybe on the underside of the arm. The palm. And when you're an adult and huffing, then it's not good. Oh, you're true. PVA was not a huffing glue. You're thinking of H2. It varies.

What? You're thinking of F2 glue. Right. We didn't have F2 glue. Oh, that's the huffy stuff. Anyway, how I know that's for a discussion for another time. Okay. The top six chance for the teacher's strike today is today's top six.

Okay. And here is number six. Two, four, six, eight. A glue stick and crown is what your child ate. And now we've got no classroom supplies. I like it. Because of budgetary restrictions. It doesn't roll off the tongue very well.

Yeah, the front part does, but just the end, you just tack on a little bit of hard fact. Okay, yeah. Just a little bit. Lead them in with a bit of comedy. Hit them with a hard fact. Nice. Now we've got nothing more. Number five on with a bit of comedy. Hit them with a hard fact. Nice. Now we've got nothing more.

Number five on the list of the top six chance for teachers striking today. One, three, five, seven. Who in 2018 would call their kid Kevin? And you know Kevin's just the worst. Like, he's just angry at society because they've called him Kevin. Yeah. And it's not a name for a child in this day and age. Number four on the list of the top six chance for teachers striking today. What do we want? A bar in the staff room to be able to drink to make

dealing with awful children bearable. When do we want it? Open at 8.30. A.M. Yeah. Of course, A.M. Even though some teachers are still at school at 8.30 p.m. I know, yeah, I know. I was always the one to have a quick jab at teachers about how much holidays they get. Yeah. But they work. I've seen it myself now, guys. Guys. Oh, you're reformed.

I'm reformed. Are you? Okay. I've seen it myself. I've seen it myself. What are you doing here? It's January. Getting my classroom set up.

I thought that was a myth. Number three on the list of the top six chance for teachers striking today. Tahi, rua, toru, wha. I'm wildly unqualified to be teaching te reo. But the teacher shortage means I'm teaching your child substandard te reo and all I know is tahi, rua,

toru, wha. And maybe kia ora. And just off the top of my head, tina koe. Okay. But that's another thing. There's people teaching things that they're not qualified to be teaching because there's no one else to teach them. Kia ora. Your kids come home and they're like, I learned some Murray today.

We were speaking to Ryo and we learned about place names like tai ronga and huanga mata. We were speaking to Ryo, and we learned about place names like Tai Rionga and Hwanga Matai. Then you've witnessed the problem firsthand. Number two on the list of the top six charms for teachers striking today. A, E, I, O, U. I spend more waking hours with your kids than you. Guilt. Yeah, guilt.

That actually made me really sad. I thought about it the other day. Like, Indy spends more time with her teacher during the day than she spends with me. And you spend a lot of time. I know, I get home at 3. I know, I'm really lucky. I get to pick them up at 3 o'clock and spend all afternoon with my kids.

But yeah, some teachers spend more time with your kids than you do. Which leads me nicely to number one, the top six chance of teachers striking today. We are teachers. We are cool. What's your other option? Homeschool? Yeah, good call. Good call. Yeah, you think you know how parents get when it's school holidays and they're like, I don't know what to do with them. That's teachers all the time. That's their job to somehow function in that setting as well as educate children. So know if you're a teacher and you're striking today,

you've got the support of the show and I hope you guys get what you want. That's today's top six. A group of sisters, they are in the UK. Yeah. So they've tweeted about this wee situation. It's really sad. So their parents were together,

but their mum died. Now, they have explained that their dad, they did a bit of a long distance relationship. Dad worked away from home. He worked in London in the 60s. So their mum has passed away and they found some love letters that their dad had kept for years.

Would you want your kids reading those once you've, like, would you, because you've got to think about that, eh, leaving that kind of stuff around? Well, I don't know if dad, by the sounds of what I'm about to tell you, I don't know if dad gave them to them. I think they found them. Okay. So they were tied together with a bow, these letters. Yeah.

That they'd sent to each other when they were doing long distance. Because I guess, like, now you'd flirt with people on like Tinder or Facebook Messenger or text. It would be like your kids one day getting your old phone out of your bedside drawer because does anybody else have four iPhones and like old phones in their bedside drawer? I was cleaning out my bedside drawer

and I found like three generations of phone. Oh my God. So this is pointless. Yeah. So they've tweeted about what they found. Yeah. And they said, my crying sisters and I held hands,

opened one, and the whole thing was about how much my dad missed shagging my mum. Not only that, because someone was like, well, wouldn't it be nice to know that there was a lot of passion involved in their relationship?

And they said, kind of. We knew that they were in love, but then seeing all the sexual acts that your mum did with your dad written down is another kettle of fish. So they immediately stopped reading the messages. Wow. You're like, oh my gosh, this is going to be so lovely. Like the beautiful words my mum said to my dad. Whenever you see old letters in movies, it's always like,

Darius, Edith, my heart aches without you. Yeah. I long for your touch. But that's about as sexual as it got. And like reading these letters that your mum, who's now, you know, passed away, has written, and then it was just like dirty AF. But it's like, it's like the Playboy letters or something. Yeah.

It's like filth. So. Yuck. I would like to know if you have ever gotten too much information from your parents about their love life. Sex life. Whether it be like they told you or you stumbled across it. Or accidentally stumbled across something. They shall remain nameless, but a very good friend of mine.

Okay. When we were in high school, came across letters their parents had written each other in different countries. And, like, the word sexercise was used quite a bit. And I think the parents do occasionally listen to the show. So if they listen, they know who they are. What is sexercise? It's exercise but sex Wow

It's like such a workout Yeah right That one gets a sweaty brow How was your friend at this? I was shocked We still talk about it It still scarred them Yeah right

See I'm not being gender specific About the friend I'm trying to I just want the parents to know That we all know. Like the group of friends all knew. And people have known for years. Yeah.

Okay. Carol, I need a bit of sexercise, love. Yeah, can't wait to get up and have some sexercise. Oh, yuck. I don't know if you'd put on sweatpants or whatever. Do you think anyone's parents has made a sex tape? Oh, my God! Could you imagine finding that?

On those old massive Sony cameras that you'd sit on a tripod. It's not adequately labelled. Whoops-a-daisy. Or they labelled it something like at the time that the kids would never have watched like Coronation Street. And you're like,

oh, I wonder what Coronation... You're clearing out your parents' house one day and you're like, oh, this will be interesting. I wonder what Coronation Street looked like. You get out the old Mitsubishi Black Diamond VHS and you're like, oh, I wonder what coronation... You're clearing out your parents' house one day. You're like, oh, this will be interesting. I wonder what coronation street looks like. You get out the old Mitsubishi Black Diamond VHS. You're like... Click it in and you're like...

No! Oh, is that dad's butthole? Oh, my God! It's just both! Haven't you walked in on your parents? No. You have. You've admitted it to us.

We don't need any more details on that because anyone who's been in that situation, it will scar you for life. Burned into my memory. I've thankfully never, even when we got the birds and the bees talk, there was no personal reference to it. I think about now how my parents were always talking

about how tired they were when we were young. And now that's Sade's excuse nine times out of ten. So I'm just thinking if they were that much more tired than her, they can't have been having much at all. No, only just to make you, your brother and your sister. Or was the, we're tired, we're going to bed. Oh yeah, that was a code for me in the bedroom. Oh God, and we'd say, yes, we can say that by watching TV.

Well, let's take your calls. 0800-DARLS-ATM 9696 to text. When did you get too much info on your parents' sex life? Oh, I'm excited Obviously, accidentally.

When did you get too much info on your parents' sex life? Accidentally. Obviously, most of these stories are some UK siblings found their parents' love letters.

They thought they were going to be really sweet, but then they read on and it was too sexual for their liking. Yeah, and you can't undo that. No. Once you've seen it or you've read that, that's it. You can't undo it. So your calls and your text messages. Some text messages. And my brother started my, sorry, my dad started his speech on my brother's 21st by saying he was conceived on the dining room table.

We didn't need to know that. I used to share a wall with my parents growing up. I could hear them canoodling. When I was about 13, I heard giggling and I yelled out, I can hear you. And got the reply, we don't care. And then more laughing. From there on out, it was earplugs.

Oh, no. Could you not have put the bed against another wall, maybe? Grim. Oh, my God. I can't even read that out. I can't even read out what someone's nana said. No, I'll tell you. No, I can't. Vaughn. I shan't. Vaughn's saying you can't even read out what someone's nana said at, no, I'll tell you, no, I can't. I shan't.

If Vaude's saying you can't read it. Can you send it in the group chat, please? If I work out how to, I'm a bit like grandad here trying to work out the technology because I don't even read these. I don't know how to copy and paste it. Can you highlight it? Look, you work on that. I'll work on this.

We'll take some calls. Millie, when did you get too much info on your parents' sex life? So basically, me and my sister were going through some old home videos. Oh, cool. We were watching a video of how we went away. We went to school to fall out the door. I think it was really great. It was our best holiday away.

Yeah. Halfway through, it kind of cut, and it was my mum and her partner making a very interesting video. Let's just say my mum wasn't wearing much, and there was a lot of interesting things involved. So me and my sister decided we should just smash the video up, and we never spoke about it ever again,

until now, actually. So you physically destroyed the tape? I physically smashed that thing with a hammer and I threw it into the bush. You threw it into the bush? The bin's too good for you, tape. That could never be found ever again. I was absolutely scarred for life

and there were certain things that I saw and every time I see them again, I just can't, I can't deal. How much of this movie did you watch? Let's just say, I don't actually remember, but it was like a couple of minutes, I think. I think it took a bit for us to realise exactly what was going on.

I mean, I think we both knew, but we wanted to be, like, confirmed. Yeah, and you can't look away, you know? Oh, my God, that's brilliant. Once I saw my mum's private parts, I thought,

this is sick. Oh, my God. That's a poor thing. Yeah, it's a poor thing. It sounds like you need to go and see your mum's privates on the way out of them and then never again. Millie, thanks for your call.

Fred, you got too much information on your grandparents' sex life. Is that right? Yes. Unfortunately, I was helping them renovate their sleep out and I got to their house. I was 19 years old and knocked on the front door and no

answer and I thought, okay, obviously nobody's home. So I got out my key and opened the door and walked in and put my bag down. And when you stand at the front door, you can see straight down the hallway, and their bedroom door busts open, and my grandmother comes running out, and my grandfather, obviously very aroused, is chasing her down the passageway. How old would they have been at this point?

Oh, they were in their 60s already. So, you know, very healthy sex life for a loving couple. Wow. I freaked out earlier in the story when you said, Jope, in the front door,

you could see straight down the hallway. I was like, what are we talking about here? Is it a youth of business? Yeah, yeah. Thanks for your call, Fred. Some more text messages. I've just said that.

I've said that. I know. I just read it. Can't we? Can't we read that out? No, I know we can't. A lot of business. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for your call, Fred. Some more text messages. I've just said that. I've said that. I know. I just read it. Can't. We can't read that out. No, I know. We can't. A lot of these we can't read out.

Filthy. Dad straight up told me when we were out fencing one day, so putting up a fence, lads chat, that one time he got so aggressive with mum and ended in a penis shattering injury.

Dad, there's... Keep that to yourself. We were moving home and mum found all her old diaries and left them out and we started reading them. Well, that was a huge mistake because she was quite descriptive. Yeah. Okay. I know. Yeah.

God, there's some really hectic things in here. Some text messages that are just like... So this one's intense. Okay. Somebody said they were just snooping around because when you were a kid, did you find like,

we were allowed in my parents' room. Oh, they were always just like, stay out because it was like there because they're hiding toys. Well,

we were like, what's in there? And we go looking around. We never found anything that interesting, but somebody in the same predicament found a scrapbook and they were like,

this is weird and they opened it up. A scrapbook? Like there's sticking things in there? Well, yeah, it was kind of looked like a photo album of sorts. And it was a Kama Sutra that explained how to do things. And then you were to put in the photo of you doing them. That's not necessary.

Their parents had a camera with like a clicker. Yeah. Like a remote. So they'd get to it. The camera would be set up and then they'd click a photo and they'd filled out like 90% of the Kama Sutra. Which is amazing because I read that thing

and I'm just like, nope, nope, too tight in the quads. Nope, can't do that. Can't bend over enough. Can't touch my toes without bending my knees. Even if you did those positions,

who wants to see a picture of yourself in that position? Not me. No way. I don't even like put it in a scrapbook. I don't even like walking out of the bathroom and turning around and see my hairy ass in the mirror like that.

And I'm like, yuck. That's why when Sade's like, I'm not in the mood. I'm like, I get it. Yeah, right. I caught a glimpse. Yuck. All right. Thank you for even taking it into consideration this evening.

Love. Have a pleasant sleep. Well, yesterday it was Intern Anya's birthday. I just got a reminder on my phone from Suri. You might remember I said a reminder yesterday. That's right. It says, call Anna a cracked ride puddle. Thanks, guys.

Thanks, Suri. You're doing good work. There was a revelation yesterday that you are considering getting laser hair removal for down there and the behind down there. That's what someone actually just text messaged in. Now, yesterday when we were referring to it, we were talking about the vagina. Yep. Now, we, or the vaheen as we call it.

It's not the vaheen. No, it's not. It's the outside part. What's that called? It's the pubis region. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah.

The female pubis region. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. The female pubis region. Okay. And we learnt in a shocking development that Anya uses a disposable razor and a cake of soap, leathers it up, and that's how she shaves. Grim AF. Daily. Daily. I found that later.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to say thanks, guys, because my boyfriend's mum texted me and said, well, that was an interesting discussion. So thanks for making family dinner. I find this is the best way to just, you know, create a little bit of open dialogue between you and your conservative Dutch in-laws on this show, for anybody listening.

Maintenance is for everyone, you know? Yeah, and how people maintain is, you know, different but we're like, now that you're 22, maybe it's time to give up the cake of palm oil of soap and the shit disposable. Is it a lavender? You shouldn't go for scented. You've got sensitive skin. I'd be like, I'm

all down for the bar soap, but I don't know if a disposal will raise that. Like, treat yourself. You're better than that. They are expensive though. Like, they lock up You're better than that. They are expensive, though. Like, they lock up a lot of those razor blades in the supermarket or, like, have, you know. You know what? The five-pack.

Yeah, the five-bladed ones. They're expensive. Oh, yeah, the refillable razors are expensive. But they're good. But as someone that has to shave his head. Yeah. The whole head. Yeah, it's a bit of shaving.

You don't get the cuts and the abrasions as much. Well, we did have a lot of people reach out yesterday with a lot of advice for laser places, Anya, and also just shaving techniques and creams.

I've got a back wax tomorrow. I can talk to the gals down and on off. Excellent. About shooting you with a laser. Tell me. Yeah, yeah. Not me personally.

I won't be there. I'm not a qualified technician yet, but I am going through the process. But this is an interesting one. Somebody swears by this product. And again, we've never used this product, so this isn't an endorsement of any sorts, but there is actually a shave lotion called Coochie.

Oh, specifically for that region? Developed for very sensitive areas. And for men and women. That's good. That's another thing I want to cover as well. Men, we should be doing our part. I was about to ask you guys. You get a back wax and you shave your head.

What do you do? Do you seriously want to know? Yeah. Are we giving Anya so much crap. I want to know. Once a month. Once a month? No, once every two weeks, I'll give it a full treatment,

a full shave, bald eagle. Really? Yeah. Look at Caitlin's face. No, because here's the reason why. I just used to like 100% and I need every inch of help I can get. Excuse the pun. But I used to like trim it with like my beard trimmer.

But if you've ever nicked your scrotum with a trimmer, you'll know from then on out you're just going to. Wait, are you telling me that you use the same razor for down there as you do for your face? Yeah. Yeah, that's not right, mate. Oh, okay, shit bar soap. Let's calm down from the cheap seats.

At least I'm treating myself to some delicious mango shave lotion. What about your top lip when you trim your top lip? No, I trim that with a beard trimmer. Okay, so it hasn't been done there. That doesn't go near the regions anymore. That's why you've got to do it every two weeks because if your hair gets too long, it clogs up the razor. We're doing a lot of detail here, but you asked, so I don't mind.

Switch. Well, I'm just a trimmer. I'm a trimmer. What number do you put it on? Like one? Because it's got to have the plastic guard on it. No, I go without the plastic guard. Oh, my God.

You go fast and loose. Yeah, I know. That's the kind of dangerous. And you don't do anything slowly. You just go, shit and bust. Yeah. And the little neck,

and you're just like, oh. Yeah, there's been the odd neck from time to time, but that's just part and parcel, isn't it? That's part of it. Yeah. Well, anyway, I've got no problem if we,

you know, we ask this of other people I don't have any problem sharing my ratio Not at all But yeah a lot of people did reach out So thank you Is this cream any good though? The Coochie Shave Lotion

Has been a best seller for 17 years Right Shave with this gentle unisex conditioning shave cream And keep those unsightly red bikini bumps From crashing your most intimate moments Oh okay Sure to become a staple in the shower, Kirchie smells great and is gentle on all

areas of the body. In fact, it can do double duty as a moisturising hair conditioner as well. $42 is my only $42 for a 200ml. Me oh my. Me oh my. But I do like that it said that the red bumps

don't crash your intimate moments. I feel like that's a worthwhile investment. Yeah, yeah. Well, anything's got to be better than that dry puddle you've got at the moment. Oh, cross your mind. Sort yourself out and respect your skin, please, aren't you? Start taking care of it.

Trust me, in the late 20s, things start ageing drastically and you've got the exuberant youth at the moment, but I'm not talking specifically about down there but I'm just saying everything. Moisturising and spoliating. Yesterday producer James did something that I don't think he's done since he's worked

with us. No. I can't remember it. Neither. And apparently neither can anybody we work with because everybody that talked to James yesterday when we were with him said the same thing. James, you changed your Facebook profile picture, mate. What's happening? What a monumental occasion.

I know. A beautiful photo too. Him and his lovely girlfriend. And even when it changed, it popped up on my... Facebook deemed it so important, it popped up on my timeline. Is it because it was like a beautiful couple photo that everyone was so shooketh? Oh, I just think it was the fact that it changed. Remember like when we first got Facebook and you'd change profile picture like every week?

Yeah. Because how often would you change yours? I changed mine in January when I was on a hike with my mates. But I haven't changed my cover photo in ages. Over a year, a year and a half since I changed my cover photo. I really need you on that because I don't know if you guys know, but I've got some pretty adorable children who make top-notch pictures. Mine's April 2016 is when I last changed my profile.

But I don't upload hardly any photos to that now. It's like 2016 is when I last changed my profile, but I don't upload hardly any photos to that now. It's like two and a half years. Because remember when you went on holiday, you'd be like, here's my holiday album. Yeah.

I don't know anyone that does that now or hardly anyone. I know, but the people who do, I still quite like it. Like my mother-in-law is really into it

and it's cool because I'm like, oh, I'm getting to see the holiday as it happens. Yeah. I quite like it when people do it.

But you just see the rest on Instagram now and Instagram stories. You don't need it. Yeah. Times are changing. Is this, you know, the twilight of Facebook, do you think? Maybe. Do you think Facebook's on the way out? I don't know.

Some changes. I don't know if it could go up because I use it to log on to everything. Do you use it to log on? Yeah. Log on with Facebook. It just takes your email and password that you log on to everything. Do you use it to log on? Yeah. Log on with Facebook? It just takes your email and password that you've got on Facebook. Yeah.

Does it? Yeah, yeah. As long as you can remember you'll log on to Facebook, you'll be able to log on to all of these places. Every time I get logged out of Facebook, I have to make a new password because I literally don't know what it is. But then you change it and you just remember it next time. No, I don't remember it next time.

Oh, okay. That's the problem. So the problem is you here, not Facebook. But you never get logged out time. No, I don't remember it next time. Oh, okay. That's the problem. So the problem is you here, not Facebook. But you never get logged out of it, so you don't need to know it. Right. It's just staying logged on on the computer. Yeah. But yeah, he's changed his profile pic.

It's made me think maybe I need to change mine. Fletch, you definitely need to change yours. Maybe change it back to that photo where you couldn't see your face. That was quite a popular one. Thanks. Thanks. Okay. It was, though. To be fair, that was a very popular profile pic. was quite a popular one. Thanks. Thanks. Okay. It was, though.

To be fair, that was a very popular profile picture. It's a nice picture. It's a great one. It's a silhouette. Yeah, it was a silhouette. Yeah. Well, a silhouette

or an ugly person's profile picture as it's known online. Oh, boy. I said ugly, not fat. Fat people don't do silhouettes. They don't. It's not. No, it's not their thing

Angles are their thing 14 to 8 We're all We've all been there It's okay We're just amongst friends So yesterday We were talking about

Red flags In a relationship Caitlin has a friend Who says There's no red flags And that in itself Is a red flag She's like

What's I'm waiting for something to happen. Can't win. Guys can't win. So we thought we'd collate a list of your red flags in a relationship. So I've got a top 10 here. We did one of those Instagram questiony things that everybody did that weekend that they became available and then everybody's kind of pated off since.

Because everyone's sick of them. Yeah. Yeah. So there was heaps of them, but these are. So would this be more for when you're getting to know someone in the early dating stages? Mm-hmm. Okay, right. Little things that you're like, no, no, no.

Red flag. Not okay. This one is my number one, and it goes for friends too. Okay, and this is the top 10. Are we starting at 10? Yeah. Okay. When they're rude to people working customer service.

Oh! Yeah, that's... I don't know where to look. It's awkward, isn't it? Just... Yeah. Okay. When they're rude to people working customer service. Oh. Yeah, that's, I don't know where to look. It's awkward, isn't it? Just, that goes for anyone. I'm like, I don't think I can really be friends with you if you're going to just be a dick. Stop that. Because it's embarrassing for you,

and also it's just, why are you being rude? Number nine, no evening dates, only coffees. Is a red flag. Is that a red flag? Why? Because they've already got a boyfriend, girlfriend. Well, yeah, and why not? Like, you start with coffees, but you, like, progress into, like, evening dates.

Evening dates. Yeah, that's a good red flag. It's a little bit more romantic. Okay. Number eight. Talks too much about their ex, slash, speaks poorly of them, or avoids the topic about their ex. It's quite interesting, because wouldn't you want them to speak poorly of them?

Why would that be? But not, like, why would they even bring them up at all? Like, that just says to me they're not over them. It's an issue. They've got issues. Yeah. And if you're, like, listing all this person's issues, you're like, oh, well, I'm not perfect either.

Are they going to... Rag on me when this is... Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Number seven... I mean, that goes without saying. Of course I got it wrong. Number seven in the list of red flags that you guys sent in are when they live with their parents in their 30s. when this is yeah yeah yeah number seven that goes without saying of course they got it wrong number seven

in the list of red flags that you guys sent in when they live with their parents in their 30s yeah that's a red flag what if they've moved out and gone back in just momentarily

why in their 30s yeah I don't know I'm just trying to get this late their 20s sure fictional person the benefit of the doubt I'd be willing to hear them out.

Yeah. But if their reason was just like, it's easy, I'd be like. They've gone home to look after their sick mum. 100%. Oh, my God. Marry me. Marry me, look after me when I'm sick. Now you're like fictional guy, don't you?

Love him. If it's just easy, though, it's like, oh, am I going to have to do the ironing and the cooking for you? Are they even house trained? Oh, yeah. Good call. Number six. Someone that doesn't have social media accounts. What are they hiding?

I'm this on a whole. I just don't like to. You know, I'm just going to. People without Instagram accounts love telling you how they don't have Instagram accounts. Yeah. I wouldn't know I'm not on Instagram. Why not? Number five, when they criticize you.

Excuse me? Like in the early stages. If you're dating, no right to criticize me. No, if they're criticizing you in the honeymoon period. Absolutely not. Only going to get worse. Number. Do you remember that friend of ours who was seeing somebody and she gave him a list of work-ons?

Are you kidding? Yeah. Like, yeah. She gave him a list of work-ons. Are you kidding? Yeah. Like, yeah. She gave him a list of work-ons. Like a written down list of work-ons. Did he just go, see you later? Oh, he had a laugh, but she didn't laugh back and then, yeah, moved on. I mean, we've all got that in our head, but

you don't give it to the guy written down. Yeah, not in like the really early stages. It's like, I guess when you go to an open home, you're looking to renovate. Yeah. It's like when you're dating a guy, you're like, well, this is all the things I'm going to fix. Structurally, is it all there?

Yeah. Like, can I do some landscaping? And then you buy the house and you can't afford to renovate it straight away, so you've just got to make sure it's livable for the moment before you start making your improvements. Number four in red flags, wearing socks to bed. Who wears socks to bed?

You do. I do sometimes. You do. But I get cold feet. Does you wear socks to bed, Caitlin? In winter. No. Socks to bed is yucky.

It's weird. No, but if I get cold feet, what do you put on your feet? You can put them on at the start of the night and you have to take them off after like an hour. No, but when you wake up in the morning, they're gone and you're like, well, we'll find the sock in the bed. What sock regime are you running

that they just flop off in the middle of the night? How is this? Because you're rolling around. So you put them on and then you just like get a big toe under the loose part

on the back and just push them off. No, I don't know. They just end up off. No, it's because you know deep down that you shouldn't be wearing socks in bed. Your body's like,

get them off. Yeah, your toes are like, we don't want athlete's foot. Hey, number three, showering for over 10 minutes. It's too long. I agree with that. What are you doing in there,

you creepo? Get out. Shower your body and get out. Vaughn's a long shower. I'm an excessively long shower. What are you doing in there? Thank him. Acting out entire,

like, crazy scenarios. Seeing what's down the plug hole. Oh my God. Reading the ingredients in shampoo. Letting the hot water run down the back of my neck. Okay. It's just private time. I'm in a little glass cube.

Thinking about getting a shower dome. Anybody else ever rocked a shower? I have a shower dome at my old house. I've seen the ads for them. Because you know, I went in a shower dome shower. The in- shower dome at my old house. I've seen the ads for them. Because you know I went in a shower dome shower the in-laws have got one and it was it felt

like the acoustics were lovely. Do you know what I have you ever been in like a steam room or a sauna and like a drip has like

a bead of drip has dripped on you and it's like a little bit colder that's gross that's why I wouldn't want a shower dome. No but they don't

because they're rounded so it runs down the side. Come on I wouldn't want a shower dome. No, but they don't because they're rounded, so it runs down the side. Come on, mate. Look into your shower dome. No shower dome. Before you critique the shower dome. It would be hard to squeegee if you were a shower squeegee. Yeah, okay. Number two,

if they drive a Prius. It's eco-friendly. What's wrong with driving a Prius? It is one of the top red flags. Well, they don't want to date an Uber driver. That's absolute snobbery. Well, I mean, it's not sexy, but it's eco-friendly, isn't it? You're looking out for your carbon footprint.

More money to spend on your road trip up north or down south. Because, you know, it's less on petrol, isn't it? Although there will be random people that get into your car because they think you're a robo. Maybe that's the problem. They pull up to get you up and someone else is like,

that's my Uber. And number one is not offering any of their meal on the first date. Why would you? I'm not offering you your meal. You order what you want, I'll order what I want, unless we're at a tapas bar and then we agree to share. No, we're not ordering chips on the first date, but I'll bloody have one of yours.

I don't want to order a whole burger and chippies. Oh, that's such a huge red flag for me. Someone that's stealing my food on day one, I'm like, I'm on this side of the fence. Oh, I don't want any chips. Oh, can I eat half of your chips? No, I'm going to order a salad, but can I have one of your chippies? They didn't even ask us.

That cute, like, encroaching on your territory, cute nibble on the chip. Oh, can you just get some tomato sauce for me? But then that boot fits both feet, because yesterday when we went out for wings for Intern Anya's birthday, her son slash boyfriend, Andy, said, I'm going to have one of those wings, didn't he?

And she was like, like hell you are. I was so impressed to see her just put her foot down and say, no, if you'd wanted wings, you should have ordered them. There was like a threshold of about two weeks at the start of our relationship where I would have been like, here you go. But after two years, no, Sonny Jim, you're on your own. He looked real sad and he got all sulky.

Not his birthday. Mum told him off at the dinner table. Now, yesterday, some friends of the show, some friends that we all know Came home to their apartment flat building It's not like a big apartment It's more like a block of kind of units But they're on multiple stories

So they came home to this note Stuck on the door Well it's crinkled So I'm assuming it was under the door Forced under the door You've got an actual photo of I'm assuming it was under the door. Forced under the door, maybe. You've got an actual photo of... I've printed it out because I feel like it's better than just reading it from Facebook Messenger, which

is where I was sent it last night. Now this is what the note says. How would you take this if you came home to this note? Please take this the right way. Well, I'm about to take it the wrong way. Full stop. Please take this the right way. Should, I'm about to take it the wrong way. Take this the right way. That's full stop. Please take this the right way.

Should have put a smiley face. No, that's passag smiley faces on notes. Oh, no, I would have meant it nicely. Full stop's passag. It is. Very passag. I mean, the sentence, please take this the right way, is ultimate passive aggression.

It would be very much appreciated if you could please do something about fixing your bed. You may need to invest in a large floor rug for your bedroom also. I have been woken up at different times of the night and morning with vigorous loud noises from your apartment. Oh, heck. Not sure if you realise how much noise is can be heard. Oh, typo there. I can't tell you.

Seriously. Floorboards are very unforgiving. Full stop. Chairs. No name. Put a name to it. Just be like. You're going to be able to work out it's the people underneath you, right?

It's the people underneath. Yeah, right. So whatever number B, C or A or whatever you are, minus a number, it's downstairs. But like if you weren't being like passag, you'd just be like, chairs, C or A or whatever you are, minus a number, it's downstairs. But like if you weren't being like passag, you'd just be like cheers Beverly or something, you know? Just the name seems less aggro.

How would you take that? Like isn't it a compliment for your sex life? Yeah. That it's keeping others away. I don't know. Would you do something about it? I don't think I would. I think I'm conscious of it that if the bed was squeaking

or rubbing on the floor, I'd know about it. Right. Because, you know, that's the problem with slat beds. You know those slat beds you put together yourself and it takes you half a day to do it? Yeah. And then you put the slats across. Yeah.

What's the problem with that? I don't know. They're very... They get a squeak on. Well, I'm assuming. Slat on. Yeah, unless you secure the slats to the bed frame.

So now there's debate in the apartment whether or not it's the couple or the single male and his antics. Like, what's he doing? Maybe he's allowed, you know. Yeah.

Well, does anyone's beds, have you done, like, we need to do a bed test? But then does a mattress, sorry, does a mat on the floor help with that? Well, it might stop the, like, if the legs of the bed are, like, hard working on the floor and it's that kind of, like. Good lord. Yeah. I mean. Good lord.

It does say here here vigorous noises. Vigorous noises. So it's squeaking on the floorboards. What is happening? I do not. And often. If I had a bed on a hard floor anyway, I'd probably have a rug down just for the aesthetics of it.

I don't know if I'd want to move into an apartment that had wood floors. Because I've lived in apartments where you can hear noise, and it's not fun. It's loud. Even just like walking around in hard shoes would be very loud. Hearing people in heels

or boots. Yeah, I have a rug down. Yeah, put a rug down. It's off-putting if there's too much like eh, eh, eh, eh. Yeah. Like a squeaky bed.

Even for you, just in your house. Yeah, if you're the one doing it. That aside, their apartment issues aside, I would like to open up the phone lines this morning about those times when you have

received a note from the neighbours. Whether it's PASAG. It's always PASAG. It's always PASAG. And a lot of the time, like this note, no name. And it's just up to you to guess who in the neighbourhood's got the issue. I mean, most of the time. You'd be able to work it out pretty quickly. But then see, I'd probably rather do the time you'd be able to work it out pretty quickly.

But then, see, I'd probably rather do a note than confront someone because I don't like confrontations. I know, I don't like confrontations either. If this was me, I couldn't just go upstairs and knock on the door and say, could you keep your vigorous noises down? Right. I'd do an anonymous note like this. I'd just probably buy them a really cheap rug. And leave it on the door. And leave it on the door.

And leave it on the door with a, hey, can you just chuck this under your bed? You don't know if that rug matches the decor. I don't care. It's just kind of implying to them. Also, it's very unlikely there's any kind of rug supplier having a sale. Yeah. Rug suppliers never have sales.

Do cheap rugs exist? That's already way too much money I'd want to spend on a stranger. I've probably got a decently priced ride. Have either of you two received a note from a neighbour? I know you've given one to a neighbour because they parked over your drive, didn't they? That wasn't pass ag.

That was just ag. Straight ag. Straight ag. I don't know. I don't think I have. Producers? When I was flatting, we got a note from our next door neighbour.

We flatted next to a rest home and it was five... In Christchurch? In Christchurch, and it was five guys in the flat. So as you can imagine... God, they must hate that, eh? She was actually pretty good about it. She had structured the note quite well. She first started by saying,

thank you for mowing our lawn at the site, because we shared a lawn out the front. Oh, bless your heart, Jimmy. They don't have any right to complain then if they're getting a free lawn mower. You're caring for their boon. Well, I know. This is why it was almost like a feedback sandwich.

It was a good thing, then a bad thing, and then she probably finished it off with something nice. But it was thanks for mowing our lawn. And then also, can you please just let me know when you're going to be making loud noises or kicking a ball against the fence because it gives me a fright. Oh! going to be making loud noises or kicking a ball against the fence because it gives me a fright. James!

Imagine killing your neighbour because you're kicking the soccer ball against his face. We always play cricket out the front of our house and you hit a four into the fence or something like that. Or use the fence as the backstop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, it probably worked. I think we moved the cricket pitch around the other side of the house after

that. Butite youngster. But it worked for sure. Mow a new strip. Okay, well, let's take some calls. 0800 DALS at M9696. When did you get a note from the neighbour? And what did it say? How passag?

We want to know when you've come home to a note from the neighbour and what did that note say? Or maybe you've had to be the one to write the neighbours a passag note. Further developments on the note are friends of the show received a note about the waking at different times of the night and morning with vigorous loud noises from the apartment. The note also

said you may need to invest in a large floor rug. Developments, there's carpeted, the floors are carpeted. What is happening in this flat? So they've always been carpeted? Yeah. In both rooms. And all the floors are carpeted. What is happening in this flat? What, so they've always been carpeted? Yeah. In both rooms. And all the rooms are carpet. Have I been wrong there too?

I don't know. Good lord. Is it rats in the wall? I don't know. So many questions. So whenever you come home to a note from the neighbours. Ah, some text messages in. Somebody said, I live in an apartment and the apartment above us used to smoke on the balcony and then flick their cigarettes off, which landed on my balcony. So I collected them all up

in a Ziploc bag and left them on their door, saying I don't really want these. I don't know if you guys meant to chuck them off the balcony or not, but pass ag. I knew someone that lived in an apartment building on the bottom floor, had a courtyard in front, had like 12 or 13

stories above them. Yeah. And every day there'd be crap on the patio. Oh, just chucking it off. Because everyone just chucked it on. Ciggies, it'd be washing because it had flown off the- Flown off, yeah. Oh, rubbish. Yeah, cans, bottles.

Just chucking them off. Yeah, people don't care. I just put them in a bag and take them straight back up there. Somebody said one of my neighbours called dog control because my dog barked when I was out during the day. She told dog control she wasn't doing it to get me in trouble. She just wanted to let me know, which is what notes are for. She knew I wasn't home.

But then if you've been home during the day and there's a barking dog, it's either strangle the dog or call dog control. Rhiann, when did you get a note from the neighbours? Hi. So we lived in kind of like a townhouse and behind us was a bunch of apartments. Okay. And I came home first one day

and on the door was a note from one of the apartment ladies saying, hi, just letting you know that I saw a rat crawl into your barbecue today. Oh my God. Oh, yuck. Thought I should let you know just, like, if you want to use your barbecue anytime soon, you should probably really clean it. The crazy thing was our barbecue was, like, in the corner, kind of around the back. So I was like, well, how often have you been perving on our backyard?

Because, like... How would she have seen it? How would you have seen have you been perving on our backyard? Because, like... How would she have seen it? How would you have seen that? Why are you watching our backyard? And she was, like, three floors up as well, so she wasn't close. Right. So, yeah, I thought that started helpful, but it's turned into, like, passing... Creepy.

Yeah, creepy. Did she just not like the sight of your ugly barbecue? Was she hoping that you'd just chuck it out? Yeah, maybe. But then if she couldn't even see it, that's weird. Yeah. the side of your ugly barbecue was she hoping that you'd just chuck it out yeah maybe she couldn't even see it that's weird yeah yeah well it wasn't like it wasn't in her kind of sight line of sight maybe she was on a roof yeah yeah weird okay uh thanks you go caitlyn when did you come home to a note from the neighbors um i came home one day and my neighbors had left me a note in the letterbox about how cat had been moving in next door and they'd found him in their lounge.

And so my flatmate was in hospital with her baby at the time. So the neighbour, I talked to the neighbour and they had literally taken our Kat to the vet because their Kat had attacked it. And we found that every night our Kat was going and staying with them. So eventually they came over and they asked to adopt him. So they've literally stolen our cat. And left you a note to say we've stolen your cat. Pretty much. You can't do that.

They asked to adopt him in person. At least they asked. It's what Madonna did, really. But it's not your cat. Well, the cat chose to go to them, so we can't really be much about it. You were offering the cat a shitty home. Yeah, they must have had sweet cat treats. Some text messages in.

I get notes from my neighbours. They're kids. They'll often be notes complaining about how mum and dad are telling them off for stuff or they're angry at their sibling. It's really sweet, so I write them little notes back. I don't know what else to do. That's so cute. I had a note from my neighbour saying, Sorry, but I write them little notes back. I don't know what else to do. That's so cute. I had a note from my neighbour saying,

sorry, but I crashed into your car. She blamed it on the fact that she was hungry after work and in a bit of a rush. I should pop over later and get my details. Fair enough. It's a weird little... Our flat was having a wee singing song one night, and a few days later we realised our neighbours had changed their Wi-Fi

to number 155, You can't sing. Please stop trying. Oh, ouch. Ouch. I love a good Wi-Fi name. But that's a good way to do it is like leave a message for your neighbours. Ouch. And somebody else said, we got a note from the neighbours downstairs a few years ago.

The headboard wasn't very well attached to the bed. So it would every now and then bang against the wall. They thought we were enjoying a vigorous love life, but really we were just like, when you jump into bed, it would just like bang against the wall a couple of times. Oh yeah, right. Yeah. It's as exciting as it got. They made no effort to

improve the situation. FVM, the podcast. If you're a fan of picking your pimples, there is one little spot. I always show you off. Like, I like picking your pimples, there is one little spot. I always tell you off. Like, I like to pick pimples, but I don't do it with dirty hands. Because then you're putting more, like, dirt and stuff into the pore. I just love a good pimple.

You do it when you can't even see, too. I need the mirror. Oh, you go rogue. Well, sometimes if I have one on my neck and I can feel it's big, I might be like, oh, I'll just Give it a nudge now But how do you know That you haven't got it It's on your fingertip

Isn't it And then you wipe it On the chair Oh not on the chair I mean on my pants Is that even worse I don't know You're so grim

Yeah that is grim Sorry guys Well there is one place That you definitely Shouldn't pick your pimples And you're lucky It's not your neck Is it your genitals Well I mean If you've got If you pick your pimples. And you're lucky it's not your neck. Is it your genitals?

Well, I mean, if you've got pimples. Maybe you're not exfoliating after shaving with the cake of soap and a disposable razor. I can dig that. It's a throwback to Intern Anya's regime of maintenance. She's so gutted she even mentioned that in front of you. She'll learn. It is what they call the danger triangle. Okay.

So the danger triangle goes from like just above the bridge of your nose. So like the part of your nose that's between your eyes, like the start of your nose, that's the tippity top of the triangle. Yep. The triangle goes down and the other two points are either side of your mouth. So in that area. Nose, mouth, top lip. Never squeeze a pimple.

No. What about on your nose? Because I've got even one on my nose at the moment. Yeah, I'm like two blackheads. You're running on that bad boy. No, you shouldn't. Okay, why shouldn't you squeeze? The nose is the sweet zone for getting those ones that you squeeze

and they come out like a sausage. Yes, like a sausage machine. Like a blackhead, yeah. So if you, and this is what I was saying, you should always do it with clean hands if you really just want to because there is veins that run behind your eye sockets that lead to what they call the cavernous sinus, which is located in the brain.

So if you do squeezing and you've got dirty hands and you get in like dirt in there, it can give you an infection. And you have to have a Voldemort nose. Oh, yeah. It's true. It you have to have a Voldemort nose. Oh yeah. It's true. It's right into your cavernous sinus. So yeah, you can get a serious infection in there from the dirt on your hands.

And then the veins behind our eyes form clots to contain the infection. Now once you've got a clot kind of in the back of your head, that can put pressure on the brain. It can lead to partial or full paralysis, in some cases death. It can lead to panic BS, loss of vision,

brain abscesses and meningitis. This would have happened to one person in the history of humanity and they would have been like, it's a very real danger. Well, if you get infection, it's a very real danger. It was like that person that popped a pimple on their back once and it got infected and it paralysed them because it got into their spinal

cord. It's just like, well, I mean, I guess really it does happen but I'm always popping. Okay, but what you're saying is wash your hands and maybe antiseptic afterwards. Oh, no one's doing that, are they? No. It's time for last calls

this morning. We're playing for a double pass to go and see Pink and starting us off is Sarah. Good morning, Sarah. What's your story for last calls this morning. We're playing for a double pass to go and see Pink. And starting us off is Sarah. Good morning, Sarah. What's your story for last calls? Morning, guys. How are you? Good. Good.

Hey, sorry. Okay. So I'm a Pilates instructor. I take people at their homes privately. Oh, okay. Yes, it's kind of exciting. Anyway, I take her husband and wife. Don't normally do that because there's just so many dramas anyway.

What do they just argue? Well, argue, tell each other what to do, pretend they know how to do it better. Or I imagine the wife is making the husband do Pilates and he doesn't want to. Oh, well, sometimes, but not all the time. Don't generalise, please. Anyway, in this instance,

the wife was a lot more advanced than the husband, so I was having to help the husband quite a lot. And we're on the mat. And I was holding the husband's leg. We're about to do a teaser. I'm not going to go into it. But he had his legs against my legs. And I was about to help him come up.

Anyway, his wife was doing an open leg rocker. Totally different exercise. Anyway, I said to her, Anne, open your legs. And he opened his legs. I went straight through his legs, landed straight on top of him, like full, fully, like lying flat on him,

on top of him. And his wife was like, okay, I'm so pleased I was in the room when that happened. If she'd walked in on it, it would have been a different story. Oh, no. What was he thinking? I don't, well, because would have been a different story. Oh no. What was he thinking? Well, because he opened your legs. He just didn't even think.

It was awesome. How much of the class was still to go? Oh, quite a lot. Another 45 minutes of not really knowing where to look. Alright, Sarah, wait there. We'll vote in a sec. Talia, how are you?

I'm good. Are you there? Yeah, how do I say your name correctly? Talia. Talia. Okay, Talia. So what's your story for last calls? Okay, so I thought I'd give CrossFit a go.

Okay. Not a very fit person. I thought, no, it can't be that hard, you know. Yeah. Did that hour-long session can't be that hard, you know. Did that hour-long session and pretty much died, crawled home. I got home and my husband was up on the fence painting. And he asked me to move the ladder for him a little bit closer so he could move along the route to paint. As I got hold of the ladder, it was one of those double extended ones.

Yeah. And as I picked it up to kind of move it, it fell onto me. My arms cramped up and my legs started to shake. And I'm standing there like crying. I can't move it. I can't move it. And it fell onto me, both of my arms up, and I'm stood there with this giant ladder kind of like hanging on me.

My legs were cramping and my arms were cramping and he ended up just taking photos of me and laughing. Wait, so where was he? I thought he was up the ladder and he was going to do one of those dumb things like hang off something for a minute while you move the ladder. No, no, he was on the roof and he wanted me to move it a little dumb things like hang off something for a minute while you moved the ladder. No, no. He was on the roof and he wanted me to move it a little bit closer. Oh, right, right, right.

So meanwhile you were on the ground pinned by a ladder. Pretty much. Like I'd been, yeah, it was awful. Anyway, really embarrassing. Never been to CrossFit since and he still shows me the pictures and laughs through all of his friends' faces. I would have been like, you will delete those pictures or you're not getting down off the

roof. I would have taken the later away, yeah. I was on the roof. I was in hysterical laughing, painful laughing, but yeah. Brilliant. Yeah. All right. Okay.

Let's vote the Tribal Council now for our favourite story for the last cause. Congratulations, Sarah. You have won a double pass to pick. Oh, my God. Did you really?