ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - August 16 2018

Episode Date: August 15, 2018

Prime Minister - Jacinda Adern is on the phone, This Is Why I'm Fat and when did you not read the instructions?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. You can stay connected with free Wi-Fi a gig a day on the $19 Spark prepaid rollover pack. Enjoy. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Good morning. Morning. Guys. What?

We've got the Prime Minister on the phone this morning. Good. There's a couple of things I need to sort out. Like what? Bloody teachers, nurses. Okay. I'm going to pre-empt the police. I'm just going to give them a little bump.

Are you actually going to say that to her? Well, they're the next ones out of the striking block, aren't they? Oh, are they? Give them a little, because I don't want to be robbed. They can't strike. I don't know about you, but I'm not a huge fan of murder. Have they ever gone on strike? Because that's when all the robbers would come out.

Yeah, that's like an amnesty. I would almost say if I was the police, oh, we're on strike. But we're not on strike. It's a trap. And so the burglars all come out wearing their black and white striped outfits with the masks on. And then you nab the lot. People don't like when the police do that. Because, you know, in America at the moment, in Chicago,

they've been driving around a bait truck full of Nikes. And waiting for people to rob them. And everybody's got an issue with it. They're like, well, you can't set them up. They're baiting them. And everyone's like, well, they stole the Nikes. Yeah, we didn't say. We didn't tell them to.

Yeah. Yes, come and try to steal these. Yeah. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Hello. Hello. Hello.

All right, story time. Three news headlines. Vaughn and Megan, pick one of the following three. Headline one, new scary weapon for Chinese police. Headline two, millions watch grass grow. And headline three, a bear walks into a liquor store. Millions watch grass grow. That's the grass growing website.

Didn't they just celebrate some anniversary or some... A milestone of some sort? A milestone horn, yes. A milestone of some sorts. A milestone. What do you mean the grass growing website? It's a channel where they just have webcams on grass and you can watch the recap and you can watch time lapse. Sometimes the guy mows it.

Yeah. You just watch grass grow. It's relaxing. Okay. Or something. Makes you feel good. Right. Yeah.

That's that, eh? Yeah. Right, so we don't need that one. What was the other one? A bear walks into a liquor store. Chinese police, a new scary weapon for police, headline one, and a bear walks into a liquor store, headline three. They've had a couple of scary weapons this year.

Oh, here again. Yeah, I'd have either of those. Okay, we've talked about the facial recognition, the surveillance state. Oh, on the street. The technology in China. Yeah. Scary place.

Well, a 31-year-old software developer from Beijing, he was travelling in the far western Chinese region when he was pulled to one side by police

as he got off a bus. Now, what happened next is what surprised him and has surprised a lot of people because they had a device that looked like a small laptop, kind of, I guess, a handheld device, and they checked his phone with this device.

Now, apparently, this device has the ability to grab basic information and contacts and stuff from your phone. So it clones that? It's like Mission Impossible level? It's like a spy movie. Now, I don't know if it was... Because, you know, iPhones have good... And Samsungs, don't they have good encryption?

It might have been a Huawei. Or another kind of phone, I'm not too sure. Right. But do they plug it in or do they just tap it on it or what? Well, yeah, it sounds like it. Obviously, the police haven't come out and said, well, yeah, this is a thing. Yeah, we've got this. Okay.

So, this is just at this stage just claiming that it happened. And they've not admitted they've got this technology. Well, apparently police stations in almost every province have sought to buy their data extraction devices for smartphones since the beginning of 2016.

Coinciding with a sharp rise in spending on internal security and crackdown on dissent. Because I don't like people speaking up. They don't, you know, Facebook. No, they don't. They don't have Facebook. Everything's, you know, heavily watched and regulated.

So, what happens if normal people get this? Can they just walk past and go on your phone? Well, I don't know. Apparently the scanners are handheld or desktop devices that can break into smartphones and extract and analyse contact lists, photos, videos, social media posts and email. Shipples. Crazy, eh?

Yeah. Seems like a wild invasion of privacy. Yeah. Well, I guess all someone would need to do is put your phone, I mean, it's like a spy movie. They just put the device on the phone or they plug it in really quick and boom, you've got everything on there. Well, have you got a new, this happened, I got a new iPad recently because my old iPad

screen, there was like dead spots on the screen. Yeah. I got a new iPad and I turned it on and it was like, oh, do you want to make this iPad from an old iPad? Yeah. Yep. And then it's like, oh, well, just wave it in front of the old iPad. And I did.

Yeah. And it was like, done. But you must have needed to put in a password. Yeah. I need to put in a password. I'm imagining that's just protocol, right? Like the technology's there. Wow, that's crazy.

Maybe you do have to like unlock your phone. It has to be unlocked so it can do it. Who knows? But that is pretty mad. Imagine if you just had your phone unlocked at a cafe and someone was just like beep. Or just like put a bag next to it with that device in it. Oh my God, this is some real spy Mission Impossible stuff.

Oh God, don't tell my auntie. She'll freak out. She's always freaking out on Facebook about it. You see that guy with the paywave machine walking up behind people's pockets and putting in like 80 bucks and waving it in their bum and then it goes bleep and they've given them 80 bucks. Oh, she freaked out about that. Well, did I get my wallet too close to one of those things at the supermarket?

It was like, too many cards. Yeah, how's that working? F.E.M. There is something in Paris that's been implemented that is causing quite the stir. They are called urinole. Urinole. Urinole.

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Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole.

Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole.

Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole.

Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole. Urinole.

Urinole. That was going to be my guess, something with urine. Urine. Urine. Urine. So some of them look like flower boxes. So it's stainless steel. It's a square, tall, kind of like a square rubbish bin. It's stainless steel on the bottom, red on the top, and at the very top it's got flowers growing out of it.

Okay. And then in the side there's like a little barrier and you stand against it and pee into it. But then it's got a big sign that says Eurotrita and it's got someone peeing of it. Okay. And then in the side, there's like a little barrier and you stand against it and pee into it. But it's got a big sign that says, you're a trotter and it's got someone peeing into it. How many people can pee in it?

Just one. Just one. Oh. One at a time. I thought the trowel was like three. So these are like what, just like in parks or like hidden away?

No, not hidden away. They're just on the side of the street. Oh, there's no way I'd do that. That one's by a roundabout. It looks like a rubbish... And there's a large...

It looks like where you... At McDonald's, where you put your tray on the top and you put the rubbish in and then you put your tray on the top. Yeah. And there are like 20 people around that guy. Yeah. Just walking around, just going about their business. So, yeah, they kind of painted them to, I guess, maybe make them look a bit nicer. But they're just in neighbourhoods and everything.

I tell you what, though, if you've ever travelled in Europe, it's so hard if you're busting for just even a quick wheeze. My mum and dad said that was the thing they didn't like about Paris is that it just smelled like weeds. Well, yeah, because that's the problem. Because everyone just always wears on the side of the buildings and stuff. But then what are females doing? Yeah, I don't know, because it's so hard.

You try and find a McDonald's or something, or you have to look for a water closet, right? A WC or whatever it is. And then you've always got to pay in Europe. Yeah, a euro or two euros. But yeah, it's hard. It's fine, but yeah, it's really hard to even find those places to begin with. But that's not going to help us either,

because it's not as if we can really wear into those. Is it more that guys are the ones that will just go anywhere and they're disgusting? Maybe. Probably. Yeah. More likely that they're the ones that are peeing places to make the whole place smell like pee.

But people are saying it's inciting exhibitionism. Exhibitionism? Like? What people get off on people watching them. Oh, come on, France. You invented the menage a trois. You're all about a bit of showing off. So in touristy

places as well, they've just got random like, some of them are plastic and not as pretty. Just a grey plastic stand that you can put into. In London, do you remember those things in London? When it got dark they were flat. That's right. In the pavement you'd just

see these circles in the pavement. What are those? And you'd just wait until it's night time. And then they'd come up out of the ground and there were urinals. Was that in Amsterdam as well? No, it was in London. Maybe in Amsterdam. I don't remember.

I'm not sure about that. Just on the street? Yeah. Because people just pee in the street. And they're like, well, we can't stop them peeing in the street. We might as well give them something to pee into. It's in New York as well. It's gross.

It smells like pee in quite a few places. It's just so hard to find a toilet. But I thought that was a great idea because during the day you can't even see it. And then at night time when people go out drinking and people are more likely to urinate on the side of buildings, these things pop up so you don't need to. And you could get right up in them. Yeah. But then again, that doesn't help females.

No. Unless you've got a she-weight. Yeah, excuse me, if we can hold it, why can't dudes hold it? Just because you don't need to. You're just like, I'll just pop it out. I think that's because we've never really had to. Yeah. Right.

But like yesterday, it happened to me three times. I didn't need to go to the toilet. And then all of a sudden, I was about to wet myself. I was like, excuse me, I've got to go to the bathroom. Have you got a bladder issue? I don't know. It's usually a lead up where you're like, oh, I need to go excuse me, I've got to go to the bathroom. Have you got a bladder issue? I don't know. It's usually a lead up where you're like,

oh, I need to go. No, I don't get that anymore. I'm like just straight away like, man, I'm going to piss myself. I've got to get out of here. Since you've had kids, it's just... I know.

You're like, I've been doing my kegels, you know this. Big on the kegel floor exercises, but gosh, when you need to go, you need to go. FEM.

You know how people are into Dr. Pimple Popper? Yes. She's a doctor and she squeezes into Dr. Pimple Popper? Yes. She's a doctor and she squeezes pimples and videos it. It's quite satisfying. It's gross, but there's, you know, a certain amount of satisfaction in it. There's a new one. Actually, I read that there's ingrown hair tweezing,

which I could totally, like, get into. But isn't that, like, pimple popping? No, but you've got to get the hair out. And then you get the hair out and it's all twisted around itself. Oh, it's so long. You're like,

look how long it is. Oh, I don't know if I'd want to watch that. Oh, I could get into that. But this new craze is, this isn't something I could watch. I've watched one

and no, I'm not down for it. But apparently millions of people are now watching videos that is scraping dandruff on scalps. Dandruff scraping?

Yeah. So how does that work? So if someone's got, it's just literally videos of people with dandruff and they're getting a comb and scraping their head. And so the dandruff creates dandruff. Yeah, or fluffs off. That is so weird. So they kind of part their hair

so you can see the scalp and then they just go at it with a comb. Some people are more prone to dandruff than others. Like as a bald man... Yeah, if you've got a dry scalp. Pro. You don't. Get a head and shoulders,

a dandruff shampoo or whatever it is. Yuck. Oh, what are they doing that for? I don't know. Some people find it satisfying. It's not my cup of tea. But these videos are getting millions of views. So if you've got dandruff and a phone or a camera,

you are just a comb away from quite a bit of YouTube money. What happened to the good old days of just blowing it off your shoulders when you saw it? You don't have to show your face either. Just your scalp. No one will know it's you. Yeah. Is it the sound?

No. Is there a sound associated to it? It's the flakiness. It's the flakiness. I would just imagine it's got like that. Might be that. You know that ASMR is quite massive online. If you can make a sound that makes people feel like sleepy.

Yeah, right. That would be a good competition actually between us to try to who can make the most pleasing ASMR sound. Hello. No. That's the exact opposite. I don't know what ASMR. That's A-A-S-M-R.

Anti. What does ASMR mean? Have you ever watched the videos? No. It's just like sounds that you find like really like a point. are anti. What does AES mean? Have you ever watched the videos? It's just like sounds that you find really pleasant. Cut the music. It might be like this tissue being like Oh, that's

nice. That's a pretty good one. I just stumbled across that. It almost sounds a bit like a fire. Yeah, okay. That's real good. Or it might be Yeah, okay It's nice Plastic in that?

I really get into the videos And the people doing it are always like Let me do one with my plastic bag of fruit Too rough Too rough God, you've got rough hands You dropped it all on the floor You've got rough hands You're not apple on the floor You've got rough hands

You're not patient Treat the plate Give me I bet I can do it better I'll do it soft I'll do it soft No you're still Too fast

Christ Now what do they call Your fumble fingers Fletcher You've got to treat Treat the plate What about No

No You've got to treat the bag Like you treat a lady Okay what about this one Like you treat a lady Okay, what about this one? Like you treat a lady Oh yeah I'm really good at this You wouldn't think

Because I'm all ripped shit and bars It's only taken 36 years for you to find something You're good at it Oh now I'm just looking around Looking for other things Do you reckon this remote button Do you reckon that he's a challenge You can I make a remote?

sexy a miss a ASMR No, okay, what if I open the back It was quite like weirdly Yeah, that is totally the key doing it gently and slowly I like the t to doing it. Gently and slowly. Nah, that's too much of a clap. I like the tissue. No, you're not. Back to the tissue.

Do I not get it? Oh, yeah, that's nice. Probably sending some people back to sleep right now. The opposite of what they want their alarm clock radio to do. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello there. If you ever play mini golf and you're like, man, the one thing missing here is just having my buzz on.

Getting my buzz on. Then it's great news. Because holy moly, holy pun, moly is going to be a new bar opening with a mini golf course inside. It's a mini putt-putt, over two stories, 27 different holes. While you eat, you can drink. There's a DJ. There's loaded fries.

There's snacks. There's burgers. But not like a mini golf course with a bar, like a tiny little, like this is cool. Yeah. It looks actually really awesome. One of these in Aussie. But like when you go to Dr Rudy's

if you've been in Auckland to the Viaduct and they've got the ten pin bowling in the bar it's like a ten pin

bowling alley where you can have a cruiser it's actually a bar where you can go when you can bowl while you're there so I thought

why haven't we done more of this why haven't we put together other of our favourite pastimes? Yep. And a bar. And drinking.

Yep. Everybody's favourite, favourite pastime. So the top six crossover bar ideas, number six, this is actually Caitlin's suggestion. Okay. A dog park with a wine bar. Oh, yeah. So you can take your dog, you let it off the leash,

and then you just chill and have a few vinos. And then they don't get dirty because they're inside, so then you don't have to worry about cleaning your dog when you let it off the leash and then you just chill and have a few vinos. And then they don't get dirty because they're inside so then you don't have to worry about cleaning your dog when you're drunk. No, I was thinking it's actually at a dog park. Oh, outside? Yeah. They should have a little side tap on where you after it's run around just take it to the

clean, like dog groomers. The dog cleaner. They clean it. You walk out tipsy with a clean dog. I was literally thinking like a dog park with like a container, like a shipping container. And the side opens up and there's a little deck in front. And you just have a couple of wines and you chill there. You just watch your dog tear around.

Reverse the Range Rover up and get the hamper out of the back. Pop the boot. Not a bad idea. Well, these are all works in progress. Number five on the list of the top six crossover bar ideas. While it's not my cup of tea to go out on a boat to do this, because I get seasick, I wouldn't mind doing it from a pub, fishing.

You know how hard it is to do anything with a hook? And then you catch the fish and actually reel it in. That'd be all right. What if you caught a fish at one o'clock? Somebody grab it. One o'clock in the morning, yeah. Somebody get it off. Get in the That'd be all right. What if you caught a fish at 1 o'clock? Somebody grab it. 1 o'clock in the morning, yeah. Somebody get it off. Get in the taxi on the way home.

They're like, you can't bring that in here. It stinks. Says my fish are cool. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm like that. And then you wake up in the morning and it's beside you in the bed. You're like, I'm not going to be able to cook that now. That should have been refrigerated.

And gutted and filleted. Yeah. Probably killed, actually. It's still flapping around a bit. Number four on the list of the crossover bar ideas, and I actually saw a mate of mine went to one of these in England, and it looked so cool. I'm so down for it.

An arcade pub. Oh, okay. So it's arcades, all old arcade games, Pac-Man, all your classics up to you,, your Dance Dance Revolutions. Do you have to pay for the games or are they all free because you're in the bar? Well, maybe you buy a certain amount of time in there. Okay. And you've got a card that'll work for a certain amount of hours

and you've got to go, that'd be such, it'd just be such a good time. People would never leave though. Yeah. I know. I reckon I'd be better at some of these things after a couple of times. 100%. There's that Goldilocks zone, though. Yeah. I know. I reckon I'd be better at some of these things after a couple of times. 100%. There's that Goldilocks zone, eh? Yeah.

When I'm playing pool, it's like two or three beers in and then any before or after, I'm rubbish. Yeah. And I'll always skip straight past the sweet part too. Yeah. It won't be my game when I hit my sweet spot. Yeah. I won't be playing.

Number three on the list of the top six crossover bar ideas. Sometimes you just see stressed out mums and dads in the supermarket. Yeah. You know what would be great? A wine. A wine. A wine or a beer. There's like three aisles full of it.

I know, but you know, they really frown upon you drinking it while you're in store. Yeah. So my suggestion is a supermarket that allows you to drink while you shop. Good idea. Good for them too, because when you're boozed, you're probably a bit more free and easy with the shopping budget. Got myself some bag of mixed nuts and some choccy for later. Number two on the list of the top six crossover bar ideas, a drinking library.

Oh, okay. So you can go to the library, kick back, read a bit of a book or a magazine. That sounds lovely, actually. And just have like a quiet wine. And then like a little cheese plate. And just like, yeah, oh yeah, oh yes. Yeah, okay. And just a light bit of like piano music.

Nothing like that. This is classy drinking. Yeah, where we're reading our books. Okay. And you can knit in there too. Okay. Quiet arts and crafts to a decibel reading. Okay.

Quiet arts and crafts. And the number one crossover bar idea on today's top six, the pub where you can have a snooze. So I've fallen asleep in a bar before and they asked me to leave.

Right. It's very rude. That's a bit rude, man. I was actually, don't wake me while I'm in a deep sleep. You'll freak me out. So just a pub where,

I don't know, you can lie in bed. Right. And have a couple of beers or wines or whatever tickles your fancy and then just nod off to sleep. You're all good. Okay. It's like a hotel room but other people are there.

So weird. That is today's top six. 30% of people going through a marriage breakup, so working through a divorce, lie about why they're getting divorced, apparently to speed up the proceedings. I was going to say, why bother? Because you're getting divorced?

Yeah, but so as someone who has been divorced, it takes like you set a separation date and then it takes two years. So you have to be separated for two years before you can properly get a divorce. So if you want this person out of your life because they cheated with their secretary or whatever, you've got to at least have contact with them in two years' time. Yeah, well, so this is Australia. Right. So in Australia, if you say that, or if someone was an adulterer,

you could separate quicker. Right, right. So if you lie and say they committed adultery, you can separate quicker. Or you can. So if you lie and say they committed adultery, you can separate quicker or you can lie about your separation date because you can either set a written separation date

or you can do a verbal separation date. So that's just like, we agree that this is the date. Two years later, we'll get a divorce. So if you both want to be rid of each other,

you can both decide to lie. Backtrack it a wee bit. And say, oh yeah, we split up a year ago. Yeah. They'll be like, well, you've only been married six months. Yeah. I guess you'd have to choose a good date. Yeah.

Right. And I'm too scared to like, I'm pretty, I'm goody good. Like I'd be scared that I'd get caught out lying. But then what's the punishment for lying for the reason of divorce? They make you get married again? They make you go to jail for six months. You're like, sweet, that's just six months I don't have to spend with the person I'm trying to divorce. So how long do you have to wait if somebody's committed adultery?

I don't know. It fast tracks it a wee bit. Right. There would still be a stand down movie. What did you say was irreconcilable differences? Yeah. I think so. That's just the standard. That say? It was irreconcilable differences? Yeah. I think so. That's just the standard.

That's just the standard term, isn't it? Yeah. But in America, I know that you can get it done super quick. There's not the two-year stand-down period, which is why celebrities, I mean, apart from going through all the court stuff that they end up going through, that's usually what takes the longest.

Right. Separating all their assets and everything. But apart from that, they can get it done much quicker. But then the US is one of those weird situations where state to state it changes because you couldn't say, for example, in Michigan, Wisconsin or Massachusetts, that it was adultery because you can actually get jail time for being in adultery. In America. And adultery can face up to 10 years in jail.

Whereas in another state, in Maryland, where Baltimore's in Maryland, so pretty close, you just pay a $10 fine. You say, I am an adulterer, here's my $10 fine, and then you can move on with your divorce. They need to get rid of those backwards laws, eh? Yeah.

From like hundreds of years ago. That's crazy. I doubt anyone's ever gone to jail, though, for that. Well, I don't know. Michigan and Wisconsin, it's a felony. Like in felonies, an upper. Yeah. Wow.

I almost went someone on Facebook the other day because it was an older person talking about how young people give up on marriages too easily. And like, just hang in there and the fight and the struggle. Yeah, but that's just from an old person who's been in a loveless marriage for ages. And they're like, well, I wasn't allowed to opt out, so you shouldn't be around.

If older people in society didn't put so much pressure on young people to get married, then maybe they wouldn't be going through that. All those, have you got a boyfriend yet? Are you married yet? Oh, Christ's sake. Also, you don't know if someone's going to marriage counselling. You don't know what's happening behind the scenes.

But anyway, I didn't because I was like, this is going to end badly. I'm going to hear from Beryl. Beryl's sending you all like pamphlets and stuff. Because she doesn't know you talk about your old marriage, she thinks, gosh, she only just got married in January. She's going to chuck the towel in as well. The following conversation is for mature audiences delivered by immature people.

Thank you for your time. That's a good warning. It is a good warning. Because we're going to talk about periods, something that roughly 50% of the population experience. I know, but even this morning when I was eating my breakfast, a little bit came back up with this story. Well, I've said to Caitlin, maybe we can skirt some details.

Oh, 100%. What was said before the show is not going on air verbatim. Okay. We would maybe not have jobs. It's because you're my friends. I wanted to tell you everything. Yeah. Now, this is an effort to help the environment.

Yes, but also to lower the cost that I pay every month, which is over probably $30 a month I pay. Are you serious? Yeah, for tampons and because I also use liners. Okay. Thank you. That was good. That was good.

You got there and you realised, I didn't really go into the details of why, but everyone else can connect the dots. People are listening, eating breakfast, they don't want to hear all of it. Okay. So, in an effort to save money and the environment, you decided...

I bought a moon cup. Which she's holding now. When we've talked about these previously, the moon cup converted love these things. Like, they're huge fans of the moon cup. I have not tried one. No. I'm intrigued.

I'm very intrigued. Yeah, that's me. I was just like, I've heard a lot about it. My friend, I went out for lunch with her the other day and she sat down

and told me everything and was like, it's amazing. And I was like, oh, kind of want to try it. I went to the supermarket yesterday because you can get them

from the supermarket. Yeah, I didn't know that. I know because I couldn't find them online. Where else in the supermarket are they? Just with the sanitary items? With the sanitary items, yeah.

Shut up. This was $39. Okay. And I took all three, because there's three different sizes, and I took them up to the pharmacist and I was like, what one for me? What's a pharmacist doing in the supermarket? It's one of those.

Some of them have them there. Yeah, it was the counter. That's not their jurisdiction. Not out west. They don't have pharmacies. In like an aisle. In an aisle. No, yeah. They have like have fun with this. In like an aisle. In an aisle. No, yeah.

They have like a little counter with all the health because before. You can get your. When you said you asked somebody, I assume you just walked up to the 14-year-old who had an after-school job there and you're like, hello, young man. I'm after moon cups. And he's like, oh, I don't know a lot about moon cups. He's just in the middle of shaving his deli ham. Do you want any like ham, coleslaw, buns?

That's not my area. They don't have a chemist in the supermarket out west. No, they don't. But this is North Shore. Well, they do, but they're all just meth cooks who have come down to take a break from the lab. So I bought it and I took it home. What are the three sizes?

Just completely out of interest. Small, medium, large? Small, medium, large. Yeah, no one wants large. They need to give up with a better name like a Vente or a Grande. So you took them up and asked though, but how would they know? So, well, she was kind of, I mean, I don't know if she knew all too much about it either, but she was reading the instructions on the back and she was like, have you had a child?

No. Are you over 25? Yes. This is the one for you. Oh, okay. That seems abroad. Yeah, I don't know. Because I would imagine all different, you know. If you were 25 and hadn't had a child, I would have thought, okay, never mind. Yeah, I know. I think this might not be the right one. It's trial and error at the moment. I'm just trying this out for me. Wow, this is what happened last night, isn't it? Trial and error. So I decided to

try it out. Yeah. But I didn't read the instructions. See, my general rule is my general rule is if I'm trying something new with my genitals

I'll always read the instructions. Like tents. Tents, no instructions. It's a tent. Let's just try it. Putting together a flat pack furniture. You know, let's just see what happens. Yeah, if you've got screws left over, it's fine. Putting something in your

genitals or on your genitals. Now, I'm going to read. The instructions. Probably eight times. Maybe watch a YouTube tutorial. If it's genital related, I want all the info. Well, I don't know why I didn't think to read them. I just was like, I can do this because

I know it doesn't go that way. Yeah, it's obvious. For those that don't know what a moon cup looks like, it's like a, almost like a teat, like an oval, would you say like a, a stemless wine glass. Yeah, like an egg cup. It's a bit slimmer.

No, it's like when the wine glass breaks off the stem and it's got a little tiny bit at the bottom. Except it's not made of glass and nothing sharp. No. That's obvious. It's silicon, isn't it? Yeah. And then it's got a little thing.

Teat. Yeah, a little teat to pull it out. Okay. But I didn't realise that when I put it up that I obviously didn't do it right, so it didn't open up, so it was just like squeezed together. And that obviously doesn't serve the purpose because it's got to open up to collect.

Yeah. Yeah. And then so I couldn't get it out. Oh, my dear girl. To try it again. What are you doing? Hence why Caitlin's like thinking about the kitchen tongs Thinking about the kitchen tongs

So anyway I called my friend Danny At work because she uses them And I was like help and she's like did you Twist it and I was like No so anyway I'd imagine you twist it because I've put Some of these in my drain before you can get these For your drain so that water and stuff can go down

but smell doesn't come up. Oh, your actual drain. My actual drain. What are you getting into? And you twist it, pop it in and it pops out. Yeah, it's supposed to open. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. So I watched a YouTube tutorial after. Hence why I don't have it in right now because I'm quite scared of it now. Good Lord. Right, okay. But yes, I will try this after reading the instructions. And after you've washed it.

I'd love that you have it at work. The best part was she sent it to Megan here and threw it to Megan before. While Megan was eating her breakfast. So Megan, out of instinct, used her hand to cover her breakfast and then, like, tried to sort of football-head it away. And it bounced off her forehead. I didn't want to touch it. And I was just standing here in complete shock.

James loves it. It would have gone in my breakfast. She's waving it around in here, mate. Megan was like, God, could we take some calls of those times when you should have read the instructions? Because I'm just shocking at this as well. I'll just instructions if something goes wrong.

I almost like purposely don't read them because then I'm like, I can do this without you. Yeah, to me it's an arrogance to a level. Yeah. I can do this. I don't need these instructions to tell me what to do. Yeah. This is my third bloody... Well, when we moved back

into our house after we renovated and shut, I had bought all this kit set furniture. There was lots of like the same sets of drawers. Yeah. I was like, third one,

I don't need bloody instructions. Yeah. Help. A few nails into it, you're freaking out. And the handles on the inside of the drawer. Yeah.

You're like, what have I done? Somebody messaged in, Caitlin, their first time would be a horror it, you're freaking out. And the handle's on the inside of the drawer. You're like, what have I done? Somebody messaged in, Caitlin, their first time would be a horror story, you know, akin to yours. Yeah. But you've just got to keep on keeping on. Keep on keeping on. So give us a call, 0800-DARLS-AT-M, 9696.

When should you have read the instructions? Not just in your moon cup or any sort of Generally related No Just instructions on anything Maybe something new Maybe you were putting Something together

We're talking about When you should have Read the instructions Producer Caitlin Trialling the moon cup And not alone So many people Have messaged in

Saying the first time Was pretty Pretty different I guess But read the instructions 100% That's something You read the instructions for Yes I feel like even if You did read the instructions. 100%. That's something you read the instructions for. Yes. I feel like even if you did read the instructions

the first time would be rough. Yeah. Yeah. Some text messages in and I myself have suffered from this. This is a problem. I read the instructions but chose to ignore them on veet hair removal cream. Okay. Rubbed it on like sunblock. The jar said 10

minutes but I was particularly hairy So I doubled the time You don't double the time And you don't rub it on like sunscreen You don't rub it in What do you do? Just lightly Yeah, lightly on top

Just put it on your skin, yeah Yeah, leave it sitting there And your hair doesn't equal double the time No, I learned that I'm the same as Brad who messaged him Oh dear Burnt nips Yeah, that'll do it

and no butthole it's just mounted right close it mounts it close I broke an $1100 pram putting it together but it was for the second baby I was convinced

I knew what I was doing because we've already got a baby how hard can prams be but that's when I'm putting something together and something requires a little bit of force I'm like I don't know how force is the answer here I? But that's, when I'm putting something together and something requires

a little bit of force, I'm like, I don't know if force is the answer here. I know, yeah. That's a tough one, eh? Because you're like, that should go in there

but it's not going in there. But then nothing stops me. I'm like, I don't know if I'm doing this to prang. Oh, well, that was me. I'd still take it back and say it was there

if all it was broken. Yeah. Somebody else said that they bought a TV and they wanted to mount it on the wall they were like I can do this without my partner

they don't say their gender oh that's so hard so I shan't assume it but didn't read the instructions properly from what I can read here it sounds like they just put it straight into jib board without finding a stud behind it

and hung the TV up it lasted for about 30 seconds before it ripped massive holes in the wall behind it and hung the TV up. It lasted for about 30 seconds before it ripped the massive holes in the wall as well as smashing the TV when it hit the ground. And that's not cheap, is it? Rebecca, when did you not read the instructions? We got our son a

new bed, one of those loft beds that has a desk underneath it. Oh, yeah. Fancy. Yeah. We read the front of the instructions that said it should take a couple of hours for two people. It took us two days and we snapped the main part of the bed that holds it up.

Did you take it back and say, hey, this bit was snapped when we got it? No, we just decided to go to Bunnings and buy some more MDF board and try and fix it ourselves. That's a lot. Like you shouldn't need an engineering degree

to put together a bed. Because I remember I was in a bed store once and I was going to get this bed and it had a really nice like headboard and surround and the lady was like, I'll be honest,

it took us a long time to put this together. I wish I paid a hundred odd dollars to get someone in to do it for me now. Those businesses, those businesses that drive around in station wagons

and come and put kit set furniture together are making a mint. Oh, yeah. But sometimes it's easier because it's so hard. Yes. Isn't it? Our poor son had to sleep in his brother's room on a blow-up bed for the rest of the week until we could get to next weekend to finish it off. All right, Rebecca, thanks for your call.

Amy, when should you have read the instructions? Hi, it wasn't me. It was a friend. I've been told the story. Okay. They had had a baby, trying to get the baby home from hospital. It was Dad's job to put the capsule in the car.

Yep. And chose, or maybe chose to ignore, I'm not sure. The instructions didn't strap it in. Put the baby in it, drove halfway home, turned the corner, baby went flying in the back seat. You've literally had it like, you've been out of the hospital not even 10 minutes and it's rolling around in the back of the car. That's such a scary time.

Luckily, both of our daughters, we stayed in hospital for a while. But this person that was in at the same time as us had the baby, literally like sorted it out. Yep, you're fine medically. Off you go to the next spot, birth care or wherever it was. And they were like, what do you mean? They're like, well, you've got to go put the baby in the car seat and drive it. They're like, but it's brand new.

Oh, I don't want to. Yeah, that would be me. And I was like, what do I do with it? Good luck out there. Terrifying. Thanks for your call, Amy. That would be scary. So scary.

Some other messages of when you should have read the instructions. When I was seven, I had a sore leg. And my dad said, put some deep heat on it. Mum wasn't home. This always happens. Oh, when mum's not home. Yeah. Bad things always happen.

Yeah, so I was rubbing deep heat on my leg as a child and thought I'll just rub around it. Rubbed it on the on the genital region.

I still do that as an adult. I forget. Yeah. I have an itch. Or go to the toilet. Oh shit, I've just put deep heat on. Gotta wash your hands afterwards. You forget Megan.

A screaming child was what Dad had to do with there. We moved to a house, we were putting together my daughter's baby swing. You put them in and it rocks them, calms them down sometimes. I couldn't find the cord. Now it was a 12 volt one apparently, but all I could find that would fit would be a 24 volt.

I was like, well, that's not a bad thing. Put the baby in, plugged it in, turned it on. It started smoking. Not a great thing.

Should have always read that you can, oh, you can't put a 24 volt into a 12. Did it go like double time? I know. Thankfully it didn't

fling the baby across the room A lot of people though Are agreeing with Caitlin Their first time with the moon cup Yes Like a lot of texts on that So you're not alone there Caitlin

Yeah Apparently I should have got The smallest one Yeah someone said You start with the smallest And work your way up Yeah Well why did the person

At the supermarket Again you're asking Advice of someone But somebody else said Somebody else messaged in saying they did this. They started at the smallest, but then you obviously can't take them back. Yeah.

So then they had spare moon cups and they walked into the bathroom and their kids had stuck them on their face. To be unicorns. No, you've got to get air and then stick it on. Oh, you put that on your nose. That's grim. I've cleaned it.

But Consumer Guarantees Act, Vaughn. Oh, you could try that. I mean, how is it faulty? If you're the sort of person that's going to walk back into the supermarket and be like, what do you mean I can't return the moon cap? It wasn't the right size. I tried five times. Then I'm imagining the supermarket's going to be like,

look, you just can and get the other size They don't need the bad press Do they It's cool Yeah man Via Gogo Is a ticket reselling Website

Been in the news a lot Yeah So When something sells out They resell the tickets For like More than And I remember

It was a Bruno Mars show There were upset kids There were What kids There were What parents with kids And they were all heartbroken Because they'd spent All these money on tickets That didn't exist

Somebody sold A real ticket once But then that same ticket To 12 other people Right That was the scam That was running And it was literally

The first person to the gig Yep The ticket would work The rest of them Would sadly be heartbroken And multiple concerts Like Adele Ed Sheeran,

every big show you can imagine. And Vietgo go, don't G-A-F. No. They don't care, do they? They don't give a fart. No. For a moment they were... But no, they've approached for comment they don't care, do they? And

yeah, up until now everyone's like, well, help like I've been ripped off. Well, now the Commerce Commission is suing them. So they are set to commence civil proceedings in the High Court under the Fair Trading Act for breaching consumer law.

That's what I said before, Caitlin, the Fair Trading Act. That's how you can get a refund on your Moon Cup. And your Adele tickets. So they are doing false and misleading claims of saying acting is an official concert ticket seller

when they're not. They label tickets as limited or about to sell out when they might not be. And claiming that people were guaranteed to get valid tickets to events when I think they've proven that that's not the case. That's the biggest one. Yeah.

So this story that I've just found, Bay of Plenty woman, one of the lucky ones to get $1,700 back, a refund for Fakie Dale tickets from Via Go-Go. Oh, good. Was she the one that spent like over $1,000? Yeah, so she paid close to $2,000. One of the New Zealanders caught out.

The Commerce Commission, obviously, in this story announcing that they're going to take them to court. And then she lives in Whangamata. She, yeah, apparently has money back. Because when that happens to you, you just think that, well, you're not going to get anything back from it. It's gone. But it's good to know that people are getting some money back

for their troubles. I heard around the world, there's a few countries that are like, their equivalent of the Commerce Commission is actually ban it from trading in their countries because of the history that they have shown little remorse for it happening and also not putting things in place to stop it happening again. Well, they're making money, aren't they?

But I mean, I guess it's good that some people are getting their money back. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know, I always find it funny that as soon as you Google tickets to something, it's like the first one that comes up. Oh, and it's never Ticketmaster in the first one, is it? Hardly ever. No, Viegogo's the top one, usually.

And if it's not them, it's another dodgy site like theirs. And it looks legit. So you'd have, you know, you just think, oh, okay, well, that's where I buy tickets from. Don't do it. It's insane. And if you've got a ticket for anything in America,

it's worse over there. Yeah. Like tickets basically sell out instantly to anything and they just all end up on these ticket resale websites. All legal.

And the industry's worth like billions of dollars a year. The resale industry, yeah. It's crazy, isn't it? This is why I'm fat. This is why I'm fat. This is why, this is why, this is why I'm fat. This is why I'm fat. This is why.

This is why. This is why. Fat. This is why I'm fat. This is why we're fat. A segment of the show where we take a look at a new food product. Yeah, usually Megan and I spearhead this conversation, but today we turn to senior Maltesers reporter.

Oh, thank you. Carl Peter Fletcher to take the reins of This Is Why I'm Fat and tell us some Malteser-related This Is Why I'm Fat news. And again, like always, this has popped its head up in Australia. Where's ours? Where's ours? Maltesers? Who's Maltesers? Nestle, isn't it?

I don't know. Mars. The overall umbrella companies of every sweet manufacturer. It's Mars, Nestle, they're them. But also, is this, do Australia have loose goose food regulations like colouring? I know there's certain things in colouring that New Zealand has banned. I don't know, but the new flavour of Maltesers, raspberry flavoured Maltesers are out in Australia. Now, what is raspberry flavoured?

Is it the external chocolate covering or is it the internal? I'd say it's the internal because they have a honeycomb flavour as well in Australia. Oh, yum. Because last time I was there, I was like, what? So do they completely replace the malt flavour? Or is it malt raspberry? I haven't tried them, Megan, but I'm assuming it's just a raspberry honeycomb deal kind of situation.

Because, you know, people that have listened to the show for a long time will remember when I used to have people mule from London, the white Maltesers. Yeah. Oh, those were the days. Malteser per flight up the Anoos, but wrapped individually in a small baggie. Yeah, yeah. It was an inefficient way to get white Maltesers per flight up the anus, but wrapped individually in a small baggie. Yeah, yeah.

It was an inefficient way to get white Maltesers into the country. Yeah, because it turns out you could have just cleared them and taken them in your carry-on. Yeah. Or your suitcase. But they stopped making those, what, like eight years ago? Seven, eight years ago? There was a few dregs around. It would be hard to pinpoint exactly when the white Malteser fell from production.

I even wrote on their page in the UK. Did you? Are you still making these? And they're like, we're sorry, we've ceased production. And I was like. You wrote to a company. You pretty much wrote them a letter. Well, I posted on their wall, Megan.

That's so cute. The modern version of doing that. But they. You kept that quiet. I don't know if I did. I saw it did I saw it I saw it I might have told Vaughn

didn't they give you some real PR PR bullshit spin on it it was a real spin make white ones again

but anyway if you're in Australia raspberry Maltesers add that to the list of all the great things Australia has that we don't like they've got caramel M&M's

at the moment I saw those when I was in Australia last time we don't get they've got caramel m m's at the moment i saw those when i was in australia last time what's caramel the inside fully caramel apparently caramel soft caramel i'm unsure vaughn i'm unsure okay i think we need i think we need a care package because what else is maltesers wise there's been a few other things lately oh there was the maltesers buttons yeah they've done dark chocolate ones. And I think they did a mint one as well. What about if they did caramel covered Maltesers?

Oh, I'd be all down for that. All down for it. Just looking at that, apparently there's Malteser truffles. What? Oh, I thought the music just stopped at the ultimate end. Here we go. Go on. Go on, sir. We'll hear you out the ultimate end. Here we go. Go on. Go on.

Go on, sir. We'll hear you out. Right. Malteser truffles, yeah, they've got like the Malteser stuff at the top, but then the bottom looks to be more like a gooey truffle. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Well, if you're in Australia, maybe they'll come here. It's another reason why we're fat. Raspberry Maltesers. Fat. This is why. Fat. This is why. This is why. This is why. Fat.

We've got on the phone the Prime Minister of New Zealand, Jacinda Ardern. Good morning. How are you guys? Great, how are you? Good, good, good. Really good, thanks. Jacinda, just before we get started on the important stuff, Bailey's just messaged in, apparently played a role in laying the new carpet in your house and just wanted

to make sure that's all good and hasn't come up on the corners or anything. My house in Auckland. I assume so. Yeah, Bailey just messaged in saying... It's definitely not the house in Premier House. It's Threadbare. It's a very odd stain, and I don't know.

It's too many cliches. Premier House? What do you mean? Is it like a... What kind of stain? Like a red wine? This is... It kind of looks

almost like crayon, I have to admit. Really? Oh, I know what that is. That was Muldoon. He used to like melting crayons on the heaters.

As we all did in the 80s. His desk is still here. So I find that amazing. Yeah. Wow. Either that or when young Max Key

was doing his colouring in. That's very true too. Or Steffi was the artist. Yeah, true. She might have dropped some pastels on the carpet. That could very much have happened. But all can pay fine job, Bailey. Thank you so much.

There you go. Lovely. There you go, Bailey. Good review. The carpet's working. It's great. How's motherhood as well as balancing that with leading the country? It's probably a question for Clark,

really. Really? From my perspective, great, but yeah, no, picked up. So Clark's kind of doing the lion's share. You're not just, you know, saying that to make him feel better. He's not putting nappies on backwards. Yeah, no, he genuinely

is doing a huge amount because he will bring me in for feeds, but in between times, it's all on him. Really? It's like a penguin. Is it penguins where the father predominantly cares for the chick? Don't act so shocked. No, I'm not.

I'm not. As a very involved father, it's good to see. It's great that it's happening. You're a co-parent of all andonne. I've seen it. Yeah. Unless Instagram is completely staged. Wow, no one lies. It's the only time your parents on Instagram. Come on, kids, get a photo for dad

and then bugger off. Get out of here. Get it all out of here. Just before we get into the good stuff again, like the important stuff, not that this is important. We're running out of time for the important stuff, but go on. Well, we haven't spoken to you since you've had Niamh, so I just wanted to know,

like, what was the moment like as a, like, first time, first child? Like, what was it?

All of the, all of the beautiful cliches. Yeah. All correct. And, and all of the other stuff they say correct too. No,

it was, yeah, it was, yeah, it's one of, you just kind of, you think you're going to be pregnant forever and then suddenly you're not. It was, yeah, it was, yeah, it was, yeah, it's one of, you just kind of, you think you're going to be pregnant forever and then suddenly you're not. It was, yeah, it was lovely when she arrived.

Really lovely. On to the serious stuff that we've promised three times. Where's it at with the teachers and, you know, the nurses and everything? Is it? Obviously that's a huge thing for the country at the moment. You know the nurses, we settled that one. Yes.

That one's resolved. Because everyone moved on so quickly, I didn't really feel like we got a lot of time to mark that. With 100%, it kind of just went for, oh, you're done, we're next. Like, move out the way, nurses.

Here come the teachers. Welcome to my world, though, when politics, you fix something. People don't really want to talk about that. They really want to talk about that they only want to talk about your problems I only like to deal with one thing a week

and then have the rest of the week off so this is why not for me and of course that's the thing these things don't suddenly just crop up this one teaches there have been issues there for a long time that we're working through

so the offer that was on the table is double what they got under the last government, but I think that's just indicative of how much it's kind of built up over time. But I feel like we'll work through it. We will. So we're back to the negotiating table now. Do you think it was a little bit of a situation of,

like, with the nurses and the teachers, it was a little bit of a, oh, here comes the Labour government, we're going to be sweet, and then everybody wanted it at once. I feel a little bit like it was more like the last nine years have been painful, I've had enough.

I feel a little bit more like that, but I would say that, wouldn't I? You would say that. So why weren't there more of these sorts of things happening under the last government then? Yeah, I mean, I think expectations over that period of time, I mean, when you're getting, you know, on average, you know, 1.7%, but at the same time you're told that the, you know,

obviously the GFC happened at the beginning of that, and you're just not getting a fair hearing, I think you'd probably just get frustrated. And we've said we want to give a fair hearing. And we are, and we will. So, yeah, I mean, regardless of what's brought it about, it's now our job to solve it. Right.

I totally accept that. Because some sassy teacher signs yesterday. I think that signs-wise, that was some great use of school. I like the, I'm not usually a sign guy, but come on, Chris, that felt like a really Kiwi one. I don't do signs,

but here's my sign. Yeah. Right. Well, yeah, I'm really, I'm rooting for the teachers on this one. I want them to get,

you know, what they want and what they deserve and the best for, you know, the future educator. Well, now you've got your own in the mix.

You've got a child. There it is. Perfect timing. future educator. Well, now you've got your own in the mix. You've got a child. There it is. Perfect timing. These timings. Yes, girl. Refresh. She's like, present. She just wanted to make sure that she had her voice heard.

Yeah. Yeah. I love her already. Is this actually her first radio interview? That was probably the first time she's been on. Yeah. Exclusive. Exclusive.

There we go. We'll clickbait some people later with the exclusive interview with the... She's in for the teachers too. Yeah, she's in for the teachers too. Yeah. All right. Well, best of luck with all the negotiating and get it done. And with Nave.

Yeah, yeah, Nave. Well, that's what I was talking about. I was talking about negotiating with children. You think teachers are tough. You wait till you've got a toddler. Exactly. Jacinda Ardern, thank you so much. Thanks, guys. F.E think teachers are tough. You wait till you've got a toddler. Jacinda Ardern, thank you so much.

Thanks, guys. F.E.M. Wow. She's got a conundrum. And we're here to support. Megan. Hello. Hello.

So, what are you doing this weekend? Just out of interest? Got any plans? Yeah. Oh, yeah? What kind of thing are you doing? Like what are you doing?

Let's start with the first part of the weekend. for about a week now like just on the sly being like oh my god. So what's happening Saturday like?

Saturday got any plans specifically for Saturday? We are some my husband's got a new single coming out tomorrow. Who?

Which you should all pre-order on iTunes. Mr. Toyboy. Mr. Toyboy. Mr. Toyboy. The forthcoming single of his album, I'm a Mr. Now. You might know me

as Mr. Toyboy. And when you do like a song, you have a music video with it, right? Yep. So we're filming the music video on Saturday.

Which I'm not filming it. I'm just there. Right, okay. What, do you call yourself a producer? You're heavily involved. I would say you're... I'm an unwilling producer. I'm just there. Right, okay. What, do you call yourself a producer? You're heavily involved. I would say you're... I'm an unwilling producer.

I've been pulled into producer status, I think. Right, so what's the problem and the conundrum about this filming, Megan? So... So, originally he was like, hey, I want to do this concept and it does involve a hot girl. I was like, hey, I want to do this concept and it does involve a hot girl. I was like, okay, of course it bloody does.

Okay, because what's the song about? The song's about... It's quite sexy. It's about a girl. It's magical. Now, I haven't heard the whole song yet, but there's outside theories. I'm actually dreading you hearing it.

It's about Megan's magical... Oh! The whole song. Good lord! Who told you that? This is the outsiders this is the right. They're taking odds on what it's about. Okay. Right. Yeah so anyway it involves like a hot girl. How did he bring that up to you?

Cause I would love to know. Not quite like in those words but he was like it's about a girl. It kind of needs a girl in it. And I was like, okay, well obviously she needs to be attractive. He then like totally made lols and was like, do you want to do it? And I was like, ha ha

ha ha, cute. I know you don't mean it. But presumably it's about you. Oh, I bloody hope so. So it would be right that you are you in the video. Yeah, but I don't want to do that. That's like, I'd get so mowed down for that.

But let's be honest. If you're going to make a music video, your sex sells. I mean, that's why ads have attractive people on them, don't they? So you're not going to make a music video and cast. That's why I said Megan should be in it. Yeah, exactly.

Thanks, Bourne. I know you're lying But I really appreciate it You just look at me saying that In the last 30 seconds I've just been looking at her with wide eyes And a slight shake of my head Just been like Megan said she understands

She knows, she's not stupid She understands But she doesn't want to hear you say it So I was like Okay, yeah, I get it You've got to have a chicken out That's cool I'm being really calm at this point

And to be honest I've bitched and moaned to you guys, but I've been pretty calm at home. Okay. As always. Right. And so down the road, we're like, okay, well, we need to find a hot chick. So I was involved in the process of finding some hot chick

to, like, do this sexy video with my husband. The personalisation, sort of the personification of the sexy song written presumably about you. You've got to help pick the person to represent. Yeah. Said thoughts. And so I did have a little bit of a meltdown. I was like, okay, it does suck. Like, you know.

Yeah. But I'm going to help you through this. Because, I mean, normally, like, when couples get married, they wait at least a few years to bring a third in. Yeah. To look for a third woman, don't they? Yeah. And then I didn't hear anything about the music video for, like, I don't know, a few days.

And then he brings up, he's like, I found someone. Okay. And I was like, how? And you're like, oh, you're still working on that? Because I thought, no one said anything for days. I just thought that. Oh, interesting. So behind the scenes. Behind the scenes, you've been working on that because I thought no one said anything for days. I just thought that. Oh, interesting.

So behind the scenes, you've been working on that. Have you been finding someone sexy? It's such an interesting concept. Just go on. I'll hear you out. In my mind, I was like, be calm, be calm. And I was like, how did you find them? How do you find a sexy girl?

Instagram. Bik sexy girl? Instagram. Bikini model on Instagram. New Zealand. Got heartburn. Anyway, I was like, be calm. All good. Had to happen. Found someone.

Cool. Probably an awesome person. Like, beautiful. Good on her. Then he's like, so we're going to shoot some of it in our house. On our bed. Why on the bed? Give me strength.

Okay. I don't know too many females that would be good with this. No, see, I just come to work and I like, bat your moan to you guys. Because I lightly, jokingly said to Sade once, I said like the last something had been happening and I said the last couple of weeks have been pretty funny like it would be a good

episode in a show. And she's like, I'm not being in it. And I was like, oh no well I'd have to get someone to play you. She's like, well you're not being in it then. I was like, why? She's like, I'm not watching you pretend to be married to somebody else pretending to be me on anywhere. I was like, why? She's like, I'm not watching you pretend to be married to somebody else pretending to be me on anywhere. I was like, what?

She's like, well, because you'll start, if they're hot, because they'll have to be hot because they're playing me. If they're hot, you'll want to kiss them and you'll script it so you get to kiss somebody else. I was like, this hasn't even happened. This is all just like me literally saying the last couple of weeks has been funny.

It could be an episode of a sitcom. This is my life. Because then he's like, oh, I want them to be brunette. I was like, why? Do you not like my blonde hair? He's like, no, just like long. No, no, no. Your blonde hair's great.

I was like, but do you want me to go back to brunette? Young man. It's just. Because I always forget Andrew's like younger than us. And then he does stuff like this. I'm like, oh, young man. Oh, silly, silly young man. Little young man.

So spare me a thought on the weekend when I'll be inviting a bikini model into my house. To roll around on your bed. On your duvet too. Can you buy the single to make this shit worth it? Please. I just got a guy like at least four times platinum for this to be worth it, Megan's I just got a guy like at least four times platinum

for this to be worth Megan's. Yeah. Oh goodness. We laugh, don't we? Will you just leave them alone

to film that? Shit no, Carl. Oh yeah, she's... No, I'm creative art director, second director,

I'm all up in their grill. Okay, she pops out during the day. Will this be the first music video where there's an unnatural gap

between the singer and the bikini model? Yes. Yeah, like the least it may take. Like one of those transitions where it turns and all of a sudden it's a different room, but they try to like seamlessly put the doorway there. Yeah. I'm not crazy.

It's just that that's... No, no. No, see, you're all on my side. Yeah. I know when people marry actors, they're marrying actors. Yeah. But that wouldn't make it any easier watching, if you, like, Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively,

they're both gorgeous people. Yep. But don't tell me either of them are, like, have no push-down feelings when they're watching their hot partner make out with someone else who's hot. Yeah. You'd just be a bit like, okay, it's their job, that's cool, I do this too.

Do they kiss better than me? Was that more enjoyable? And Ryan Reynolds' next movie's like, well, my wife just kissed someone hot, so I'm going to need the hottest person in my next movie. I think trying to one-up your wife in movies would probably get out of control.

Or hallmarks of a healthy relationship, surely. Well, you know, we live in a world full of things that'll killmarks of a healthy relationship, surely. Well, you know, we live in a world full of things that'll kill you or try to kill you. Rattle snakes?

Yep, they're right up there. Crops? Always. Oh, yeah. Cows. Every cow attacked. You know that cow

that attacked that person got put down? You know, like there was that person that was tangoing with that cow in Auckland and the cow was like, I don't like that.

Get away. No, that's not on. You're all up in their grill. What do you expect them to do? And then the cow was like, get away. No, that's not on. You're all up in their grill. What do you expect them to do? And then the cow got put down. For defending itself. That's not cool. Like, was it eaten?

It seems a waste if it wasn't. It would have been, yeah. Yeah, they can't eat it. All right, well, waste it, why not? Well, it's not that. It's actually being single. A study has found that being single will kill you faster than obesity will kill you.

Oh, God. What if you're single and you're just eating your feelings? That's a double whammy. You're just like going fast. You've just fast forward. You just hit fast forward. It's like when you fast forward in the ads

when somebody gives my Scott and you're like just hit 30 times and just like run. Wasn't it only last week that we read that being single was good, like great for your social life? So you're like living fun short. Yeah, you go out there. No, well, it's actually like people Wasn't it only last week that we read that being single was good, like great for your social life? So you're like living fun, short.

Yeah, you go out there. No, well, it's actually like people who are single and it goes a little bit further than that. It's people who isolate themselves and feel lonely but don't know how to socialise their way out of feeling lonely and make new friends. If you're single and you're social, then you're okay. But it would help. It would help.

It would help because it's social isolation raised your risk of death by half compared to obesity, which raised it by 30%. So it's better to be obese than to be socially isolated. Well, we've evolved

to be a social species. Like to interact with people, trading, you know, socially isolated. Well, we've evolved to be a social species. Like, to interact with people, trading, you know, humans have always flourished when there's been an exchange of ideas and interaction.

Social interaction. Like, we've got this part in our brain that means we can have close social interactions with 150 people. Like, friends. This is why I think

you've got too many Facebook friends. You have too many. I am. Half of those are just acquaintances. But you need to get rid of them. Yeah, you delete them.

You always say delete them on their birthday but then they eventually find out and then add you again which is awkward in itself. Get the message. You're an acquaintance.

Yeah. You're on the outer. Like, yeah. There's definitely not 150 people that I socialise with. You need to get out there. That's a lot, eh? Yeah, well, no, that on the outer. There's definitely not 150 people that I socialise with. You need to get out there. That's a lot, eh? Yeah, well, no, that's the maximum.

That's the maximum. And herd creatures with bigger herds have this part of the brain is bigger. And like tigers who mate, have their children and then just go solo again, it's much smaller. But it's like the human, the size of it indicates 150 people. So we're a social species. So loneliness, being isolated, being alone can, you know, this study's shown it ramps up the chance of...

What about when you're watching Love Island because you feel like they're your friends, even though they're not kind of interacting back with you? Yeah. I don't know if that counts. And I've always wondered, like, since the internet became involved... Yeah. You don't need to leave your house to socialise.

Like, there's people I haven't seen since school, but I feel like I've seen them. I know, because you see them on Facebook all the time. I know they took a holiday in April, and I haven't seen them in person. But I feel like I socialise with them, so it'd be interesting to see how that affects it as well going forward. Producer Caitlin, how does that make you feel? What about animals? If you've got an animal. What about animals?

Yeah. Well, I mean, animals totally alleviate the feeling of loneliness, don't they? Because I could, there's a few dogs I could marry.

I wouldn't go as far to say you'd marry them. You could just get one. You could get a dog. I could get a dog. I could get six cats and a dog. Oh no,

this is so stressful. You guys know that I'm stressed out about this. Why, like, surely this is just, you know, But you're a social person. Yeah, I am. You don't isolate yourself.

You're always very social, so you don't need to worry about it. Yeah. I mean, ask, like, what, half a dozen dudes that work here? Pardon? Vaughn? Excuse me?

Thanks to intern Anya, who alleviated the tension with a night chuckle You two leave me out here Anya breaks the ice With a little Insinuation you're dropping in there Two Don't it Get out of here

She's a grown ass woman Totally Don't chuck shade at her Also, get out of here. She's a grown-ass woman. She makes a choice. I know, yeah, totally. But I'm just saying it's a fact. Well, don't chuck shade at her. I'm not chucking shade at her. I'm very close to just, I don't know, checking you out. You've got to work on your threats.

Calm down. I'm really close to just, you know. I was going to swear and then I decided not to. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about why you say Roger when... Roger. Roger, like when you're pretending playing walkie-talkies or pilots or CB radios. Roger. Was the you're pretending playing walkie-talkies or pilots or CB radios.

Roger. Was the first person's name Roger? Roger that rubber ducky. That was a theory, but no. Oh, okay. No. I didn't know this for years. Okay.

Just Roger, Roger, Roger. Yep. No years of rogering. Because it's not that. It's all the roger. I've been rogering for years and I've never asked why. It's not the aviation for R, that, Roger. Yep. No. Years of rogering. Because it's not that. It's all the Roger. I've been rogering for years and I've never asked why. It's not the aviation for R, that's Romeo. Oh, she is so close.

It used to be Roger. Correct. Oh, okay. The first ever phonetic alphabet used for radio communication, Roger represented R. I didn't know this, but the first phonetic alphabet was only invented in 1927.

Right. But then I suppose before that, there wasn't a hell of a lot of radio communication. This was sort of telegraph and stuff. Sometimes if you ring up an airline or something and you need to give them your reference number and they're all about the phonetic alphabet. Yes.

Sometimes I'm wanting like phonetic alphabet. Yes. Sometimes I'm found I'm wanting like alpha Bravo Charlie Delta Echo Foxtrot And then because also

sometimes I have to start the alphabet again in my head during the AMV. Hotel Yeah, keep going. India India

Yep, Megan's nailing this. What's after I? Juliet Yes Kilo Yes What's after I? Juliet. Yes. Kilo. Yes. What's after K? Al.

Lima. Yes. Hotel. Michael. Should we do H? Mike. It's Mike. What's after N?

We did H ages ago, mate. Come on, keep up here. We're up to N. L, M, N. Oh, I don't know N. Ah, N is Nicki Minaj. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. It is. Nicki. Nicki Minaj. Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

It is. Nicki. Nicki Minaj. No, it's November. Oh, November. O is. Octopus. October.

Oscar. Oscar. Papa. Quebec. Romeo. Romeo. Sierra. Tango.

Uniform. Victor. Whiskey. X-Ray. Yankee. Zulu. So that's the current phonetic alphabet. That only came around in 1957.

Right. They replaced those after World War II. Why did Roger get the arse thing? Why did Roger get the arse hole? Because he got that too. That's why it's called Roger. Anyway, so before that, it was different. There was a few more men's names in there.

Abel Baker, Charlie Dog, Easy Fox, George Howe, Item, Jig, King, Love, Mike, Nan, Oboe. Oboe's a weird one. Very out there instrument. Peter, Queen, Roger, Sugar, Tear, as in to like tear the scales, you know, when you put on your Mr. Zero button. Or T-A-R-E. T-A-R-E. Yep. Uncle, Victor, William X-Ray tear the scales, you know, when you press the zero button? Or T-A-R-A. Uncle, Victor, William, X-Ray, Yoki, and Zebra. So R was short for received. Right.

So when you received it, you would say R, but R was represented by Roger. So you'd say, Roger that, like received that. Then when it changed, everyone was just so used to using Roger, and it had become synonymous with received that it just stayed on. Roger that sounds better than Romeo that. Yeah, Romeo that. Because Roger that just flows better.

It's just because we're used to saying it. That's fascinating. Nice. Thank you for today's fact. That really tickled me. That's absolutely fine. Because I found a new source for my facts. I'm glad. The first cab off the ring. That's absolutely fine. Because I found a new source for my facts. I'm glad. The first cab

off the ring has done well. It's a good one. So today's fact of the day is we say, Roger that, at the end of communications via radio because it stands for receive that in the original phonetic alphabet.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yesterday was strike day. Primary school teachers went on strike, protested around the country. Some great signs. Oh, yeah, because when I walked home, I walked down Queen Street. She was all go. I've never seen so many people in a march.

That was, it's quite powerful to see. And yeah, like you say, great signs. And good to see like everyone's like people, not just teachers, but had their families and friends and even just people joining in as well to show support. It was great. But it did mean for us, we had a childhood home during the day. And well, because Indy got to stay home, August wasn't going anywhere.

She's like, she's having the day off. I'm having the day off too. I love her. I'm not going to kindy. I'm staying home. I don't want to miss out on any of the good stuff. Yeah. So when I got home Sade said your turn

And I was like oh okay that's how that works And so We played a bit of Fortnite That was good you might be thinking they're a bit young But wow You should see like it's quite good for the old coordination Yeah right I was quite impressed

With how they worked out They're not better than me though Indy's getting there She doesn't panic impressed with how they worked out. It's really hard. They're not walking everything. They're not better than me though. Indy's getting there. She doesn't panic. It's not really hard though. And then they played with James and Caitlin so that was really good. Got them, James and Caitlin to babysit my kids for the fortnight.

Good to see Caitlin's practicing for the battle. Megan, did you practice yesterday? I was busy yesterday. Is it a week today, Caitlin? Is it a week today? Are? Is it a week today? Are we doing it next Thursday? Boys versus girls, next Thursday, fortnight.

Yeah, we've got like a pretty special place to do it too. We're going to stream the whole game. Let's play live as a place in Auckland in the base of the Sky Tower and it is amazing. James and I went there and played fortnight with them one night

and it's just the most amazing setup. So they've said we can use their studios for that. Practice, otherwise they're going to have to sub you in with a six-year-old. I'm not practicing. I'm not putting headphones on and watching the TV when that bikini model's in the house. Oh, yeah, you've got that to deal with.

That could be a good way to take your mind off of, though. Get out there and release some aggression on the virtual battlefield. Machine gun. But another thing that happened in the Smith house yesterday for the day off was I got my nails done. I saw you still had a bit of aqua or? Aqua. Aqua. I think this was more my colour than the glittery pink on the other hand.

Yeah. The glittery pink on the other hand. So I maybe in like my, you know, frustrated teen year or I maybe coloured in my nails with a vivid at high school. We all did that. You don't get it, mum. I mean, you don't with a vivid at high school. We all did that. You don't get it, mum. I'm an emo. I love them all out, boys. And your mum thinks you're tuning in to Marilyn Manson. I've seen him about him

on the news. He's done such horrible things. And so I was like there with my nails painted and I said to August, how long do these take to dry? And she's like, they'll be dry, but she's four so I don't know why. I don't know why I was listening to her.

And then Sade came back from her expedition outside of the house and I went to like, hey, give her a hug. And I put nail polish all over her. All over her new jersey. And I had to make that decision because it was around the back.

Yeah. And then I saw her walking away. I was like, what have you got on your back? Never tell. And then I had to sit there and be like, am I going to be cool to, and I actually thought long term for once. Yeah. Okay.

And when she finds that and it's dried on and it's impossible to get off, it's going to be a whole lot worse. So I said, oh, you might need to change your sweatshirt. There's some nail polish on the back. How do I get nail polish on the back? She said, I don't know. Kids have been playing with nail polish. Blame the kids.

No, she knew it was me. Oh, right. Because then she saw my Instagram story of me getting my nails painted. So I actually washed that jersey by hand. Yeah. So I had the laundry. And you'll all be pleased to know that's come up very clean. That's good.

Did you have to use nail polish remover? I didn't know. I didn't spot test the stain removal. So now there are some dull patches on the back. Could you just re-dye the whole thing? I'll have to re-buy the whole thing. What colour is it? Like green. Oh, no no it's not that it's not her nice green jersey the camilla remark one yeah it's got cnm on the front

oh boy what how much did that cost you don't want to know no i think i do because i was told that that was pretty affordable when it was purchased oh Oh. I can't believe you did that. Oh, oh, oh, oh. I can't believe you ruined it. It's going down, is it? You ruined a C&M jersey. What does this even mean? I don't know.

Camilla and Mark, they're designers. I don't know who they are. You jerk. I didn't mean to. It wasn't on purpose. I'm shocked. Both times. How much are these costs?

Was Sade lying? Is it not affordable? No, it. Both times. How much are these costs? Was Sade lying? Is it not affordable? No, it's very affordable. How much are these? When you play with your necklace, you're lying. Let me see. You didn't put nail polish on this. How was she in trouble?

See, what do I Google? See it in... It's a jumper. Bear in mind that any item of clothing for Vaughan over $20 is not affordable. Don't Google it. Don't do it. Camilla and Mark. Don't Google it.

Jersey. My hands are clammy for it. Visit New Zealand. Sorry, everybody. Just hold on there a minute. You ruined it, though. Sweats. Would it be a sweat?

Is that what I'd be looking for? Yeah, it'd be a sweat. How much have you got there? How much is that? Well, it's over $100. What's she got to say for herself? No. She's got a message.

I was like, there we go. Here we go. It's all my bag. So you've got to buy a whole new one. Not likely. I'll just pick the, because it's stitched on, I'll pick it off the front and sew it on another green jersey and you wouldn't even know. Pick one up from AS Colour, a basic.

Yeah, exactly, a green basic, sew it on. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. For more, check out ZDM online. ZDM.