ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - August 22 2018

Episode Date: August 21, 2018

Auggie has been sleep-talking, It's Beginning To Look A Lot Christmas and you Dad's signature dish.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. You can stay connected with free Wi-Fi, a gig a day, on the $19 Spark prepaid rollover pack. Enjoy. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, good morning, welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Twelve-year-old going up against Nickelodeon, I like this. I like this a lot. Someone just googled Slime Princess.

Because I was like, well, is that a Nickelodeon? I like this. I like this a lot. I just Googled slime princess because I was like, well, is that a, does it actually have a character called? No, that's what I, we watch a lot, a lot of Nickelodeon in our house. And I've never heard the term slime princess. I know they're all about like sliming guests.

Yeah. But I've never heard the, they've had the original What Now Gunja, eh? Yeah, the Kids Choice Awards have like the Slime-O-Meter and the hosts always get slime and they have the Slime Cup. Her website's the first one that comes up, so she must have some very like onto appearance. Yeah.

Slimeprincess.co.nz That's so rough, eh? Yeah. I want to see some kind of you just can't go up against them, eh? You're not going to win. You're just going to spend so much money? Yeah. I want to see some kind of... You just can't go up against them, eh? You're not going to win. You're just going to spend so much money. Yeah. And they do have a $19

billion parent company, as said in the news. So... You're kind of screwed. You might be a little bit screwed. I'd love to see a big legal company do some pro bono for an 11-year-old. How good would that be?

It could be the sequel to Erin Brockovich that we didn't know we needed. You know? Just an 11, 12-year-old fighting for her rights. Erin Brockovich could come in, help her out. Julia Roberts is doing a Netflix series, I hear. The Erin Brockovich? No, no, no, no, no. Just something.

I was thinking that's all wrapped up. She could probably come and play Erin Brockovich again. Yeah, right. Yeah. We'll get some 12-year-old unknown to play the New Zealander. Maybe she can play herself.

Like that. Yeah, we'll see. We'll see what happens. All right, you lot. Listen up. It's story time. Three news headlines for story time.

Vaughan and Megan pick one headline only. That's how it works. Headline one. Easy call headlines for Storytime. Vaughan and Megan, pick one headline only. That's how it works. Headline one, easy call out for fire service. Headline two, four-year-old finally succeeds. And headline three, drones close call. Oh, there's always a drone close call, isn't there? This one, oh, it's probably lost on the radio, but...

It's a visual. Oh, yeah. Vaughn, I'll show this to you whether or not you pick it. Oh, okay. I will just show it to me now. A close call. And imagine it being with a plane. Because anything else.

Helicopter. Oh, I was just thinking anything airborne. Because I wouldn't imagine if a drone had a truck or whatever, it wouldn't make much of a difference. The truck would probably be like, oh, bloody hell. And yeah. But it's not going to't make much of a difference. The truck would probably be like, oh, bloody hell! But it's not going to cause the death of... No. You know what it might?

Just don't fly your drones near roads or anywhere. Obey the rules or you're going to get them banned for all of us. Yeah, it's only a matter of time, isn't it? Show me the photo. I'm not putting that one. But I do want you to show me the photo. What were the other options? Four-year-old finally succeeds.

Because I think it was two that I remember thinking, oh, like that. An easy call-out for fire service. Hang on, this is just loading. Dangerous nemesis between helicopter and drone. Subject of FAA inquiry. Is the footage from the drone or the helicopter?

The footage is from the, I don't know what is, this is, oh, hang on, here we go. That's from the drone. The drone's just hovering over Florida and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere. It's doing, it's doing sort of a. Comes out helicopter. This one's taken bloody ages.

Where is it? Oh, Jesus. Yeah, I know. I know. So good. That came from nowhere too. You need to Google that. Literally, it was like a metre away. It flies straight under the drone.

Yeah. I can't believe the drone operator released that footage. Yeah, well, I quickly deleted it. But still, enough people had downloaded it and commented on it to say what the hell is going on? You could have killed them. That would have been bad news for that helicopter.

Wow. What they don't like about drones are lithium batteries. Lithium batteries explode. If they got sucked into a jet. But also the rotors on the you'd just smash up the rotors on the helicopter, wouldn't you? Yeah.

All right, well, there's that story. All right. Flyer. Easy call out for fire. Or four-year-old finally succeeds. I can't like the four-year-old. Yeah, I get number two. Okay, we go to Straya.

Straya, a young Victoria family, and it's a sad story, have lost everything in a house fire after a four-year-old boy lit a piece of paper on the stove and ran with it down the hallway into his bedroom and set the house on fire. What did he do that for?

Mum and Dad were cooking dinner, 10 o'clock at night. A four-year-old shouldn't be awake at 10 o'clock. That's so late. That's a late dinner and a weird night. A four-year-old shouldn't be awake at 10 o'clock. Why are they having dinner? That's so late. That's a late dinner and a weird time for a four-year-old to be awake. A weird time. I know, right?

I know. Well, anyway, unfortunately, the flaming piece of paper that he carried into his bedroom lit the bedroom on fire, the bedsheets, and then the rest of the house. The boy came running out into the kitchen, I guess, in tears. That's when the parents realised that the room was on boy came running uh out of the into the kitchen i guess in tears that's when the parents realized that the room was on fire uh they got out so everybody is safe but apparently it turns out that um the neighbors said that the kids tried before to set the house on fire oh we'll get a pyro on our hands so yeah i don't think the kids like a bit of a pyro because i can remember lighting the fire when we were kids. If you couldn't find matches or anything,

you'd turn on the old coil elements that people do spots off. That's what they're called, eh? But in newspaper. Yeah, yeah. Because ciggy smokers would love that, eh? Oh, yeah. Oh, ciggy smokers would love lighting the toaster. Oh, sticking the toaster.

Or just a thin bit of kindling and you'd stick it in there and it'd start to smoulder and you'd get it in there. Get the fire started that way. But never at four, never at 10 o'clock at night. And you don't run down the hallway with it.

And not into our bedroom, literally into a fireplace. We knew it was stupid and our parents would rip us to shreds if they saw us doing it. But they came home to a nice warm house

from milking the cows, so ebbs and flows. Yeah, true. Next, want to talk about a woman who's dumped her fiancé for a very strange reason. Vaude and I, if we were in this situation, would be dumped. You would be dumped. I wouldn't be dumped.

I think most men would be dumped. I wouldn't be dumped because I'd never get caught. Okay. I'm going been dumped because I'd never get caught. Okay. I'm going to tell you this story and then you can chuck judgment at it afterwards. Okay. So this girl by the name of Claire, she met the man of her dreams and they got engaged. So they fell in love, got engaged. She spent six months engaged.

She was planning the wedding, totally in love with this guy. Leading up to their wedding day, she discovered what she calls an unforgivable truth about her husband. And that's it. He's out the door. She said it was a truth so gut-wrenching, it was like someone had taken a dagger and fiercely pierced it into her heart. Oh, how dramatic. Calm down.

So that's when she found out that her husband watched porn. So you, they'd been engaged for six months. Yeah. And how long had they been together before that? It doesn't say. You'd imagine, oh, four years.

Four years. It takes one time. It doesn't say. You'd imagine, oh, four years. Four years. So four and a half years. It only takes one time not putting on incognito browsing and your whole relationship falls to bits. Four and a half years. She had no idea. No. But even like, okay, so she dumped him for that.

Marriage is off, broken up, over. Wow. Wouldn't you be like. So does it say if she's like religious and stuff? Yeah, is she super conservative? That's pretty... She must be. She must be.

Because it was an absolute deal breaker. Like she's devastated to learn that he watches porn. Was it his category choice? Well, yeah, but does it say what she found? No. I don't think she wanted to go into detail with it. Okay, right. But she like feels so embarrassed. She's like, I'm that girl that go into detail with it. Okay, right. But she feels so embarrassed.

She's like, I'm that girl that spent six months with a ring on her finger. That girl planned an entire wedding only to find out a week prior it was all a lie. This is like that time Megan was like, oh, Mr. Toyboy doesn't watch porn. No, you're getting confused. It was my ex. He used to say he didn't watch it. Mr. Toyboy. I'm pretty sure you told us once Mr. Toyboy doesn't do that.

No illusion. Yeah, right. She goes to work real early. I was like, no, I never watch it. And I told you guys that and you were like. He's lying to you. Outright lying. You were on Woosh internet for a while.

Remember Woosh internet? You stuck that little thing in your window. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that was no good for it. Took a long time to load. 100%, I know. You had to get a friend to burn you some DVDs. The kids these days, the millennials will never know the pain of having your folder of CDs discovered.

Someone just thinks it's an old CD wallet for road trips on a card. You write on it, now that's what I call music But it wasn't It was music to my ears but it certainly wasn't A hot compilation of the big tracks of the day, no It's so crazy though Definitely gotta be quite religious As long as you treat your partner with respect

That's just saying you like the naked form, right? You're like a sexual person, like we all are, that's how we recreate, procreate. I read a thing, this is semi-related, earlier in the week, a relationship psychologist had done all this

study into, like, sexual fantasy, and if it's healthy in a relationship, and to an extent this sort of thing. And how it to um it seems weird but it said to you should always include your partner in your sexual fantasies. And then that's a healthy thing.

Yeah it's a healthy thing to sexually fantasize about your partner. Well isn't it something you're doing rather than who you're doing it with? Or is that not? No but I was always like, what would be like, that would be more remembering. No, because it's

what you want to do with them. Right. It might be a little bit odd. You said to them, this would be something that you're just trying. Could you just get a picture of your wife

and just blue tack it onto the laptop next to the browser? It would be very judgy. You know, the Mona Lisa, they said the eyes follow you around the room. It would be a bit, oh, I can't escape the browser. It would be very judgy. You know the Mona Lisa, they said the eyes follow you around the room. It would be a bit better. Oh my god, escape the gaze. No, but it wasn't even

it was like the things that run through your head. But then, there's a really good comment in there that somebody was like, what? Just like imagine them watching. This woman was like, you fantasize about a range of men you can't imagine your husband standing by and being like

Keep it up, good work Good stuff I think it's supposed to be them in a situation Rather than you fantasizing about your boss Why are you fantasizing? Because you've been with them long enough That was another thing in that article It said men and women fantasize for completely different reasons

Right Really? Yeah Do you remember for completely different reasons. Right. Really? Yeah. Do you remember what the different reasons were? Well, women were actually the ones, like men apparently had no emotional connection to fantasizing. Right. It was just purely to get off. Yeah.

Yeah. But women apparently, like it was escapism and like there was a lot more emotional attachment to fantasizing. Right. Why you both look at me? I don't know. I just think, well, because you're a woman.

Apparently less often but more emotionally in depth, female fantasizing. Right. Whereas men, it happens more often but it doesn't mean anything. Yeah, you'd, like, fantasize every, like, every three minutes or something, don't you? Yeah, I fantasize that right now I'm playing Fortnite and not here at work. Don't guys literally think about sex every three minutes?

You're like goldfish. Oh yeah, that's good. Yeah, but you just see stuff that reminds you of it. Yeah. Okay. Like yesterday on the show when we were talking about Superglue, I googled Superglue and now Superglue advertising pops up. So it's like that.

Oh, I thought you were going to say, how does that remind you of sex? Sex is like targeted advertising and your thoughts. Like you Googled or thought about it once so it keeps popping up now. Yeah. It's an algorithm. Yeah. And once I didn't even Google it, I just talked to my friend about it and then all of a sudden I got Google ads.

Yeah. Facebook ads. They're definitely listening. They definitely are. Fletch, got Google ads. Yeah. Facebook ads. They're definitely listening. They definitely are. Fletch. Vaughn. And Megan. The podcast.

Well, it's a bit of a chuckle when it's on TV and we can all be like, ha, Gloria Vale. It's actually, you know. What? Well, it's quite sad. No, I was going to say because Caitlin, where do they go and live after Gloria Vale? Oh, I thought you were going to say Caitlin's from Gloria Vale

because that's been a joke on the show every now and then. I'm not from Gloria Vale. I just am from a small town where lots of people from Gloria Vale have ended up. Yes. So a lot of them go to live in Feely, don't they? Yeah, around Feely and the farms and then in Timaru as well. Yeah, Timaru's a real post-Gloria Vale exit. Because we talked to Dove Love's brother, didn't we, after one of the documentaries?

And that was crazy. Yeah. And many families who have, and as they put it, escaped Gloria Vale, end up in Timaru. One particular family, the Gregory's, Liz and Graham, they've helped out multiple people

when they've left Gloria Vale to readjust the society. This is, I'm going to say the word crazy because as somebody who has kids and I just can't imagine this. This is how good these people are. Liz and Graham, they open their doors to people leaving Glorivale, the most recent of which is a family of 11. Can you imagine inviting 11 people into your home?

Like that. Wow. To be commended. How do you even have enough space? Do they have a barn or something? I mean, if you've watched Glory of Our, they pretty much live in dormitories with their families. Like mum and dad are on the bottom bed doing it, I guess, because that's how you get 11 kids.

And the kids are just spread around the room. Yeah, I think the biggest room is like three bedrooms. And that's for a big family. Otherwise you get mum's room and the kids' room. Mum and dad's room. It's crazy. So they're just saying this is the latest family who have left Glorival.

And these people have never known life outside it. So the parents are 37. And they're my age, but just older than me and have never lived outside Gloryvale. So you can imagine the culture shock

of going from a secular sort of like religious communist commune. Yeah. Because I mean, that's the other thing. Everything's shared in there. Yeah.

Like the top dogs take care of the bills and everything. Would have even seen like an escalator? Because even if they got to Greymouth, they don't have escalators. I don't know if there's escalators in Greymouth. They might have been one of those people,

Gloravillians, to have gone to Christchurch on business. They may have seen a... But every time they've gone, there's somebody who's taken care of the bills. They never had to worry about that. They just get up, put on the blue schmock, the blue pants, the blue shirt, and get to work. They'd be able to wear something different.

The women could wear pants. Imagine finding out that red was your colour. Or imagine just walking into Sault Pre. Well, that would be a whole other level. And all the colours. And the slogans on the shirts. The wildly offensive slogans. I can wear fluoro.

I can wear whatever I want. But I've got to pay them bills. So the family, Liz and Graham Gregory, have opened up like a GoFundMe to try to raise some money. To help them. They literally had to leave with no possessions. You think about being 37, starting again with nothing. Well, and just not having basic life skills either.

Well, that's probably a good cause if you can spare a couple of dollars. Well, one of the first things they want to buy is a transport, a vehicle. You think about it. What kind of car could even transport a family of 11? You'd need one of those little buses. A big transit van or something, yeah. That's crazy. One of those little buses.

So, yeah, this is why I feel weirdly uneasy watching the documentary and laughing now that you hear about, like, let's not forget it's had a... Because it is a horrific place. A bevy of sexual, you know, allegations made against the people at the top, and some of which have done prison time. So let's not forget that there are people involved in it, I guess. And that it's a horrible place. Yeah, so if you can't help out.

There is a New York woman who has, her name's Natasha. She has set up a, like a bachelorette kind of situation in New York. For herself. I saw this online. For herself. So she was on Tinder and organised a heap of guys to turn up at the same time. So basically she just was chatting to a bunch of guys. I guess she just had enough.

And she managed to set up around, well, some of the guys say it was up to 200 guys. But reports are like 100. Because there's one dude that was there, that was invited, talking to her on Tinder. He's recounted it on Twitter. He said, so yesterday, I've been talking to her for a while on Twitter, and yesterday she said, hey, I'm finally free, Alimeo. My friend is DJing near Union Square around 6. I was wondering if you wanted to go for a bit.

I mean, that's a red flag right there. My friend's DJing. My friend's a DJ. Oh, really? Because I'm out. I was wondering if you wanted to go for a bit, then we could have drinks after and see what happens. So that was obviously the message that got sent to a ton of guys.

Misleading. Would you feel ripped off? Yeah, apparently they do. They feel quite juked. So they went there and there was a little stage and stuff. So she'd gone to quite an effort, and they were all looking around being like, okay, well, where's this DJ?

Where is the girl? And that's when they saw two bodyguards escorting this girl up on stage and they realised it's actually Natasha and all the guys are looking around being like,

did you come here for this chick? Yeah. It sounds like, is it a publicity stunt? I was going to say, it's got wacky radio stunt written all over it. Well, here's where I tell you

that she describes herself as an actress and a model and a singer. Right. So maybe. Triple threat. But the guys weren't impressed with it at all. And one of them said, at that point, I'm genuinely amazed at the fallopian fortitude this girl possesses.

The fallopian fortitude is my favourite saying of the week. This is top ten greatest finesse of all time. Dudes actually stayed and played. Really? Yeah, because then she turned it into a competition and they got a chance to date her, kind of like what you'd expect on The Bachelor. And I guess eliminated

people. Was there one guy that got a date in the end? Or are they just like, oh, I'm out? She had a whole lot of criteria as well. She, like, wanted tall guys. Right. So anyone shorter than 5'10". A lot of guys just left because they were like, well, this

is stupid. I thought I was getting some. You gotta weed out the wimps. It sounds like she did get, like, a couple of guys at the end of it that wanted to hang around. So she got at the end a couple of guys out of 100. Yeah.

After she made them do a running race and like it was really ridiculous. That's a 2% success rate. That's really bad when you think about it. Yeah. Well, she had a lot of criteria. She ran it. Sounds very picky. Would you have stayed once you realised what was happening?

I would have asked for a refund on my metro and my subway. Oh, yeah, sort of reimbursement. You would have had to get the subway, and that would have made a few bucks. Yeah, that wouldn't have been cheap. It's hot out there. Was it catered? She's just trying something new.

No, no catering. No catering. Was it free drinks? No, it's in the street. I'm out. We were just commenting in studio about how light it is for this time of the morning. And it is getting lighter in the mornings. Five weeks on Sunday until daylight savings.

Hang in there. And then it's pretty much spring, eh? No, it's spring in like a week. Spring in a week. Start of September. All right, so not far away. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Today's Top Six, the Top Six things the Wallabies have been doing

on Waiheke Island this week. They are over there to try to break the Eden Park curse of climatising to New Zealand because it's so vastly different to... It's its own ecosystem. It's an eco-climate. Oh, microclimate. Microclimate. On Whitehead Island, yes.

So usually would they train at Eden Park in the lead up? Or around, they might go to a specific place on the North Shore. They might use the... So how is going there breaking the routine? Well, they're just trying to break the routine. They base themselves in Auckland, so they're saying They're going to go to Ireland close by. Caitlin, this is the week that the All Blacks are always at the gym,

but you cancelled your Les Mills membership, didn't you? Did you? What have you been doing instead of going to the gym this week, Caitlin? Drop it in with the boys. We were playing Fortnite yesterday, and the whole time she's like, oh, I really need to go to the gym. I really need it. Five o'clock. I really need to go to the gym. Oh's like, oh, I really need to go to the gym. I really need it. Five o'clock.

I really need to go to the gym. Oh, I don't think I'm going to go to the gym. When you left, you're like, okay, go to the gym. They're like, well, at least you can go to the gym and then I just stayed on and played by myself.

Yeah, yeah. I love that you're addicted to Fortnite. I haven't washed my hair in four days. That's good. That's why I went bald. It takes that out of your routine. More time for video games. So the top six things the Wallabies have been doing on Waiheke Island this week.

Number six, trying to find that house that was on Grand Designs. Don't know if anybody else does that, but that's a Vaughan Smith classic when you go somewhere that's been on Grand Designs. Where do you reckon that house from Grand Designs was, love? I don't know. They had a north-facing property and they overlooked a little Oniroa. I bet you people just wander onto it as well. Oh, wander on the driveway.

Because they think they're entitled to a look. If you were outside on the deck, you'd probably hear, this is the driveway. Remember the driveway issues they had? Oh my goodness me. This is the driveway. Number five on the list of the top six things

the Wallabies have been doing on Waiheke Island this week. They went down to Video Easy in Oniroa to hire that Richie McCaw movie to try to get some inside knowledge. Good, good idea. Did they actually have a Video Easy? Yep.

I Googled it. Still functioning Video Easy in Oniroa. Wow. It's all good. I'm guessing the broadband's not the greatest. No. Because it has to go to the island. It's okay. It's not like super? No. Because it has to go to the island. I think it's okay.

Right. Super, super. Okay. But then does their Airbnb have a DVD player? Most Airbnbs have got an old, yeah, Mitsubishi Black Diamond DVD player or one of those TVs with a built-in DVD player. Classic.

Classic. Number four on the list of the top six things the Wallabies have been doing on Waiheke Island, rushing for but inevitably missing the ferry that they wanted to catch. And then saying, how much? When they had to buy their ferry tickets. Yeah, it's not cheap, is it? Oh, it's not.

It's not cheap. Number three on the list of what the Wallabies have been doing on Waiheke this week. Going to a vineyard with the best of intentions of just having a quiet wine or two. But spending $300 each and leaving eight hours later completely shit-faced. It's happened to the best of us. It's happened to you.

Try doing it with kids. That'll add to the... That really adds to the challenge. Number two on the list of what they've been up to this week. Rolling the dice with a delicious range of freshly shucked oysters

at multiple outlets. Waiheke Island is a place to go if you love the freshly shucked oysters at multiple outlets. Waiheke Island is a place to go if you love the freshly shucked oyster. There's so many good places. Oyster Inn is named after the oyster. Yeah, right. But it's always a roll of the dice with the oyster, isn't it? Could upset the tum.

Could get the runs. Give it to them. You wouldn't do it in South Africa. That's basically what I'm saying. Right. And the number one thing the Wallabies have been doing on Waiheke Island this week, they went to hire a scooter. But when they got there, they were told they'd need to put a $1,500 per scooter deposit

on somebody's credit card, and they decided they weren't too good for that little bus anyway. So they just took the little bus. Yeah, take the bus. What's amazing is that we've been working for Intern Anya for how long? With her. For what, two years? One year? Six months? How long have you been long? With her. For what, two years? One year? Six months?

How long have you been here? Three weeks? Two years. Two years? And not once have we been invited to the family batch on Waheake. Yeah, look, it's a steep nightly rate. Goes up over summer. Don't know if you'll be able to afford it, sorry.

No, we were meaning free. Yeah, we were going to go with you. And then you could take us there and I let it in and then you could go back because you probably got to do a weekend shift or something. Or like a sausage sizzle, I don't know. What do you do on the weekends? I hate you guys. For the station.

I don't even know. What do you do with your job? Don't be dicks. I'll endorse you on LinkedIn if you let us stay on. Because that's pretty good coming from a big player like me. An endorsement on LinkedIn. A big player like me. Did you just hear yourself?

Sorry, Megan. A huge player in the broadcasting industry like me. Oh, crap. I didn't know we worked with Hoskins. Oh, you work with the next Hoskins. F.M. I'm really deep into this bi-monthly situation. So bi-monthly means every second month.

Yep. You would say semi-monthly means every two weeks or twice a month. What about bi-weekly? Bi-monthly can also mean twice a month, but it's really used that way. Right. Just like bisexuals. It's very confusing to me. We've got an issue.

It's happening a lot, and it's not stopping. No, yesterday this happened, and I put my head in my hands. When will she learn? Producer Caitlin, yesterday you got stuck in traffic because we were like, where are you? We're dropping in. Well, James and I were amped for some fortnight and you're like, I'm stuck in traffic and look what's happening.

And it was, you were a long way from home, stuck in stop dead traffic and your fuel light was on and your needle was actually below the bottom line. This happens all the time with you. You never learn. But... How much petrol's in your car this morning? After she got home, by the way, which was to her relief,

how much is in your car this morning? Well, I didn't have time to fill it up, did I? Are you kidding me? There's a petrol station by your house. You should have filled up on the way home. You're like, fuel. I didn't have time. No, I needed to get home to drop in.

Yeah, this is true. Prioritise. So Fortnite is overtaking your life, fuel. I didn't have time. No, I needed to get home to drop in. Yeah, this is true. Prioritise. So Fortnite is overtaking your life. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Right.

But I've got one of those because actually it has happened to me a couple of times where I have actually like it's shuddering. Because you've got a fuel canister

in the back of your car, don't you? Yeah, I've got a fuel canister but it doesn't have any fuel in it because I'm scared that if I put fuel in it then the car will blow you? Yeah, I got a fuel canister. But it doesn't have any fuel in it because I'm scared that if I put fuel in it, then the car will blow up. Yeah, I'd be scared of that too.

Why would your car blow up? It'll fall over, it'll leak everywhere. That's scary. Yeah, you don't want that. And then someone will throw a cigarette or something at me in the window and then I'll blow up and it'll be like a movie. That always happens. You know that you can get fined

if you like conk out a picture on the Harbour Bridge. Yeah, someone told me this the other day and that has scared me a little bit. It's like $250, eh? Yeah. Because you're blocking traffic and stuff. I think anywhere on the motorway, if you just run out of gas, it's a fine.

I think just the looks from people alone, other motorists, when they pass you and realise you're the reason they've been stopped for the last 20 minutes. I'd put up my bonnet. I let my tyres down. Just to make it look like it wasn't.

Fly down on the road. I'm waiting for an ambulance. See, it's really worth it, guys. I'm sorry you were stuck in traffic, but I'm dead. I just poorly planned my petrol. As sad as it is, people still road rage at ambulance crews and dead people on the side of the road. Can you believe it? Like the deceased.

Your death is wildly inconvenient to me. But like, this is the thing. I know I should fill my car up to the top. You don't have to fill it up to the top. I like putting $20 in. Yeah, but just put $20 in more often. No, it's such a hassle. You're just the one that we just have to deal with this every week or two, Caitlin.

But it's okay because I'm cute. Don't start that, Vaughn. Are you cute enough to carry it though? I think so. Bridget's pretty cute as well. I'm cute enough to get away with a lot of things. That's my car. Yeah, your car

is pretty cute. Okay. Not just running out of petrol but we were wondering everybody's got a friend that never learns will make the same mistake

over and over. You're always telling them. Yeah. Come on. Come on. Don't do that again. And then they're like well I've had

a bit of bad news. Gone and I've gone and done it again. But everybody in their friend group has a friend that never learns from their mistakes. Like maybe one of those friends that always dates the same kind of guys. Yes. You're like, Tiffany, we've told you about this before. They're no good for you, these guys.

Tiff, come on, babes. And she's like, oh, my God, you just. A, I know, but B, there's just no one else called Tiffany around anymore. Which I didn't realise until a friend of mine pointed out the other day he hadn't met an adult Tiffany in ages. But he can remember there being Tiffany's as kids. And I was like, where did all the Tiffany's go? So, 0800-DARLS-IT-IN-9696, who's your friend that never learns? And what is it that they can't learn?

You're always on their case about. We're talking about the friend that everybody's got that doesn't learn from their lessons, that can make the same mistake again and again. And that friend of ours is producer Caitlin. Yesterday, again, nearly running out of gas and then driving back to work this morning without any additional gas.

And without fail, after the show, she'll message us all in the group. Oh, my God, guys, I'm stuck. I've run out of petrol. Someone come and rescue me. Again. Some text messages in on the subject. Somebody says, I have a friend that keeps dating people from her work. She's nearly hit double figures.

You'd think, you know, approaching 10. Yeah, you'd learn. You'd learn, you know, approaching 10. Yeah. You'd learn. You'd learn. Dating people from work is not a good idea. It works for some people. But yeah, it gets awkward when you've got lots of exes from work. It works for some people,

but generally they'd find it within the first couple or three, right? Not 10. Not getting up towards 10. Yep. Some other text messages. My dad is an absolute shocker. He refuses to wear safety gear when he uses power tools and then injures himself.

And he always says, it'll be fine. And then it won't stop bleeding. And he'll have to go to hospital getting stitches and have to explain to a doctor how he got it. And the doctor will say, you've got to wear your safety gear. And then three days later, he'll be out there doing exactly the same thing. Who doesn't learn? Jessica.

Yeah, hi. Your friend that never learns. It's not my friend. It's me. You are that friend. Hey, look. Jessica. Yeah, hi. Your friend that never learns. It's not my friend, it's me. You are that friend. Hey, look. You've admitted you've got a problem. That's the first step. I know. I'm always late for check-in at the airport.

Oh, God, no. Oh, that's my worst nightmare. I couldn't do it. Last year, I missed my flight to Perth for Christmas. Oh, no. And earlier that year, earlier last year, I was like 30 minutes late for check-in for my grandma's funeral. But I had like the classic movie meltdown and the good people at Jetstar got me on that flight.

I don't know how they did it. Wow. Yeah. You never hear of that. How were the fellow passengers when you finally got on board that flight and they'd been waiting on the tarmac for so long? No, well, they didn't have to wait that long.

I got there just as boarding was closing, so I just looked like I was at the end of the line. Oh, right. Okay. Lucky. Lucky. God, I couldn't travel with someone like you. No.

I couldn't travel with someone like me. Vaughn's bad enough. He doesn't line up quick enough. No, we like to hear them call our names. Yeah, I like to hear my name over the speaker. It's like a personal invitation to board the plane. As close to private jet travel as I'm ever going to get. But then there's no space to put your carry-on

because everyone else is taking it up with their giant suitcases. I will have absolutely no problem with taking out somebody's carry-on if it's in my spot. I'll be like, whose is this? Especially if it's in my spot. I'll be like, whose is this? Especially if it's a big one. Whose is this? Thanks, you called Jessica.

Some other text messages. A mate of mine will never learn to start his assignments earlier, leaves it till the night before and has done it for the past five years.

Oh, that's just classic. Spends most of that night whinging and complaining and stressing that he'll never get it done on time. Whereas if he'd started earlier or just actually sat down and did it at night rather than spending his time whinging and have it done.

But does he pass? Because maybe he works better under pressure. Maybe that's his thing. Well, he's either been doing the same assignments for the last five years, Megan, or he's working hard. It's very key we leave everything till the last minute. Yeah, procrastination. Especially with studying.

It's a national sport, procrastination. We'd be world champions at it too. Just put it off, put it off, put it off. Stress, panic, get it done.

There you go. No shortage of people who also have friends that don't learn. I've always thought this was stupid. Always. Okay.

Okay. So some primary schools are choosing to make cross-country optional. Oh, what a load of PC madness. What a load of bollocks that you even had to do it. Like forcing kids to do it.

Oh, I don't know how I feel about this now. I'm really torn. Because, let me just put my point out there. I had asthma really bad as a kid. It always ended the same way. Oh, asthma's a myth, isn't it? Okay. It's like chemtrails.

It's like chemtrails. It's just a bunch of... When your throat is closing up... It's Big Pharma, isn't it? Making money off inhalers. Yeah, yeah, it is. They've got a cure for asthma, but they make more money out of the asthma inhalers.

You try and breathe through a straw while you're running. That's what it's like. And then the teacher would always have to run that inhaler to me. And then everyone's like, ha, ha. Why didn't you carry the inhaler? I don't know. I don't know. There was never an option.

I do remember kids at school. I mean, you weren't allowed to. I would have had like a bandolier like Chewbacca wears with, you know, the big bullets. People used to carry the big bullets. But I would have had asthma inhalers and all of the bandoliers. And then they'd walk you back and you're like, and they're like, everyone would laugh at you. And I was like, can I just not do this?

Well, why didn't you get a note from your mum to not do cross country? She would write a note, but it was compulsory. They're like, just give it a good go. You're like, I'm not, mate, I've got asthma. Well, could they do a walking group, a walking section? I mean, the walking kids, they wouldn't get tased at all by the running kids. Okay, you're true.

And some kids are just way more athletic than others. So some schools at the moment have already initiated this. Yes, chosen to make it optional. Wow. To save the embarrassment of kids who just aren't able to do it. See, I feel like if you're able, you should be just aren't able to do it. I don't know how. See, I feel like if you can, if you're able, you should be able to. You should do it.

Yeah. Like we've got to get high chances of some comedy. You know, like I used to come, like our school was so small, everyone had to go to the inter-school cross country, but the big schools only sent their elite athletes. No, and also like just really like pulling myself down. I had hip dysplasia my just really, like, pulling myself down. I had hip dysplasia my whole life, like, literally not meant to run.

Undiagnosed. Yeah. And so, like, all these kids, like, literally some people aren't built to run. Could you skate, maybe? Or, like, use a trolley

or a Segway? Or maybe like a dog, you know, that needs a trolley for its back legs? Yeah. But what do you, so you're like,

that's fine. Kids should be able so you're like, that's fine. Kids should be able to chase. Look, it's fine. If there's a medical reason one should not be running, then sure, you shouldn't have to run. No, but I didn't have

that medical reason like for, you know, like some bodies just aren't built to run like that. And if that's going to cause them that much embarrassment, is it really worth it? I came last all the time.

It was great. Like, because people would be like, here he comes, and you'd roll down the hill and be like, whoa, whoa. Oh, classic all the time. It was great. Like, because people would be like, here he comes and you'd roll down the hill and be like, whoa! Whoa! Go fatty!

No, so that's me! To hide the pain. As long as your kid's playing sport, like, of course you've got to be physically active, but, like, running and then people come last and people get teased. It's like everything at school, everything you don't enjoy, you're just going to make the most out of it. Just throw mud at people.

No, I disagree. Try to ruin everybody else's fun. Have a good Huffy walk. When you're coming last and you're like, and everyone's teasing you, it's like, make the most out of it. It's not what you want to hear. You should have Huffy walked it. You know the people that cross their arms and they're like,

I don't like doing this at all. Fine, pack up the finish line. I don't give a shit. Like a bunch of them just like huffy walk together in protest. We had the goths in the late 90s. They liked to walk it. And the emos weren't runners in the mid-2000s. They didn't have the footwear for it.

I don't know what the kids' group is that don't run. Is it the Post Malones or something? In 2018, they all look like Post Malone and they don't want to run and they just walk in their Post Malone group. Every generation has revolt. Make a big thing out of it. Have a protest. But I thought now

like the Kiwi, when you know the Kiwi kids Weet Bix Triathlon or whatever they call it. Everyone gets a medal. I thought that was where we were at now. Even if they came last, you get a medal. You get a certificate of participation, don't you? But whoop-dee-da, I came last. And I got teased for it.

Producers, what are your memories of school cross-country? How do we feel about this? Cross-country being optional now at some schools. I don't think it's that bad. I think if you want to do it, you can do it. If not, then don't do it. What are the kids going to do? When you're a kid, if someone's like do you want to do it, you can do it. If not, then don't do it. I don't think it's a problem. What are the kids who are going to do? Yeah, but when you're a kid, if someone's like,

do you want to not run or run? You'd be like, not run. No, there's definitely kids who are athletic. There's definitely 40 people that love to run more than do like maths and stuff. But the kids are also the kids who do the cross country. They've got to have their glory moments. And they can have their glory moments. But you just don't want to participate.

But then you're good at English and they're not, but they still have to do that. Yeah, but that's like basic learning. I don't need to run in my life, and I won't unless someone's chasing me. Well, you need to be prepped for when the chasing begins. For when the zombie apocalypse breaks out. Sorry, zombies, I've got hip dysplasia and asthma. I'm actually, my mum's going to know you're not allowed to eat my brains

because i don't know did you hear because the teacher can i'm an asthma inhaler please the zombies coming oh it's beginning to look a lot like christmas but it's 124 days away from christmas that's insane isn't it and do you know remember at the start of the week, I mentioned that article that I'd found that if you're booking Christmas travel flights, it was this week between the 20th and the 26th that were the best for flights.

But then it kind of changes. It depends what website you go to, doesn't it? Right. Oh, and always clear your cookies. Yeah. Always clear cookies. Always clear cookies. Always clear cookies while going back. Because, yeah, this person really wants to go and see their family for Christmas.

Well, I'll screw them. Out of at least another few buckaroos. So, 124 days away and Christmas sightings are coming in thick and fast now, ladies and gentlemen. Let Santa Claus break into your room, says Rose Wholesale in some targeted Facebook advertising. Somebody sent this screen cap in. And it's something that I wouldn't even consider

at Christmas time, Christmas bedding. This is specifically for the Christmas season, a duvet especially for Christmas. Oh, what is it? Christmas themed? Oh, is it Christmas themed? It's got a giant Santa Claus on his sleigh being pulled and snowflakes and it's bright red.

That's disgusting. It looks like Christmas is vomited on a duvet. It's kind of cute. You like it? Because you get in and be like, that's Christmas. Oh, you wouldn't have that in your home. You're too styley for that. No, but I'd put it in my kids.

Put it in the guest bed? Yeah, or the guest bed. Imagine that and you'd be like, your guests come to stay, like your parents, you're like, what do you think? And they're like, oh, it's great. My mum would say, oh, it's interesting, where'd you get this from?

And then later on she'd say, it is a bit much, and then later on she'd say, it's not getting used next year, is it? That's my mum's sliding scale of how she deals with things she doesn't like. Sugarcoat anything. No. Speaking of sugarcoating, thank you for the seamless segue.

You're welcome, Vaughn. Seriously Good Chocolate Company is already advertising their Christmas designs. Ooh. Actually, this is right up your alley, Fletch. If anything was going to be Christmassy, it's a pack you buy and you can make your own Seriously Good Marshmallow Men. Oh, I'm totally down for that. Build your own perfect man.

Yes. Soft, squishy, and sweet and delicious. You can build your own perfect man. So, yeah, it's like a shape thing. And you can make gingerbread men or you can make, like, snowmen as well out of, like, a marshmallow kit. So that's undeniably Christmassy. Yeah. With gingerbread and snowmen.

And the snowman's wearing a Santa hat. That's cool. Yeah, very cute. East Auckland tourism. Who knew? Is that a thing? Who knew? But the Howick Santa Parade is locked in Sunday the 9th of December.

And it's got 1,178 people interested in attending. We should get a shout out from the East Auckland tourism because we'll be our pub quiz tonight. Yes, that will be in East Auckland. Great for tourism. I hope the tourism board

will get in touch. I mean, you haven't got a lot of time. Well, there might be some activities we could do before or after. In East Auckland. From the tourism board.

As a West Aucklander, I'm going to be lucky to get out of there alive. What about the East West beef? Oh, no, I hadn't heard. Yeah, they're, who are they? Biggie and Puff Daddy. Yep.

And we're Tupac and Dre and Snow. Okay. It's East versus West. Definitely West side. West is best. Yeah, West is best. This one is a Christmas hand-building clay workshop. This is happening in Huntly.

Okay. So if you're in Huntly and you want to get your craft on, you can pop along and learn how to make clay Christmas angels. Like for decorations. Yeah, for decorations on your tree because it feels really good to get some homemade, handmade Christmas decorations. What if they, like, crack and dry and weigh your tree down? You obviously don't know

how to use the kiln. You need to go along to the crafting day. That's when like your kids make something at school and bring it home and want it on the tree. Yeah.

Oh, I'm all for it. No, not me. Remember, they're having a separate little tree in the garage. Megan's kid. What's his name again? He's going to come home

and want to put a picture on the fridge. Lorenz. Megan's going to be like, no, Lorenz. I like the name Lorenz. Mom, I've drawn you something. Why does Lorenz talk like that? He's reluctant to show you his artwork because you're such a scathing critic.

That's why. Well, get better at your artwork, Lorenz. This comes in from a truck driver who says they're not sure, but they believe Otrohonga has lights on a tree. Christmas-y feel to it, although very phallic too. Multi. Like the shaft is very, the trunk, as it's still on the tree. It's called a shaft.

It's not a golf club or a bat or a penis. So the trunk of the tree, very well lit, yet the branch is not as lit. Yeah, they've only gone out to the branches a couple or a penis. So the trunk of the tree, very well lit, yet the branch is not as lit. Yeah, they've only gone out to the branches a couple of times there. Whereas where I'm lighting a Christmas tree, it's much more branch than shaft. Yeah. The thing about...

No, I'm not even going to go there, actually. It's Christmasy, Vaughan. Keep it on track. And this one, our international plot from international listener Erin saying, Costco in Canada is stocked with Christmas lights already. Look at the amount of Christmas lights. Now, they've got Costco in Australia.

I heard that it was coming here to New Zealand. Have you heard about this place? It's this bulk place. You've got to sign up and get a card, and then it's bulk purchases. Is it like Gilmore's for Paris stuff? Yeah, and they do food as well, I think. Yeah, that's very sort of Canadian-American. One-stop shop for guns,

Christmas decorations, and food that will kill you with diabetes. Yeah. So 124 days away from Christmas. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Right now, Christmas penetration is at? Nine and a half percent. Ooh, it is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. F.E.M.

At the moment, we're trying to teach, I don't know if this can be taught, but it worked with our first child, so stick to what you know. Yep. August to not wearing a nappy to bed. Okay, how do you teach that? I don't know, because Sade read a thing

that it just clicks one day. It's like a hormone. Right. And that kind of makes sense. But what we did with Indy was whoever's up last takes them to the toilet before they go to sleep. So the kids are in bed. They're asleep. You pick them up. You carry them. You sit them there and you don't try to

wake them up and then you put them back. And then I do it on the way to work as well. Right. Take them to the toilet. Put them back in bed. But at three o'clock when I leave, when I'm getting ready to leave home, August isn't, it's a deep sleep period. Okay. And she doesn't even like really wake up. Like, cause she talks to me every night and I ask her about the next day. She's like, I don't remember.

I can't remember talking to you. So you put them on the toilet when they're asleep. Yeah. And you're like, go toilet. And then they just go. Right. I don't know. I'm like, cause I heard, I don't have any sons.

Yeah. But I've heard boys are a nightmare to toilet train. Oh really? Which is weird, right? Because you think you just teach them to like whip it out. I don't remember any sons, but I've heard boys are a nightmare to toilet train. Oh, really? Which is weird, right? Because you think you just teach them to like whip it out. I don't remember what it was like. I remember my mum telling me like we had to have a lesson on where to aim the pee because pee was going everywhere.

Oh, yeah. Okay. And it still does. Yeah. I know. But I'm pretty conscientious. Like in a urinal, I know the exact angle to hit. So it skirts around and then goes around and drops in.

So weird. What? Toilet training. No, that you've just got something you can aim. I know, it's crazy. Whereas I can't imagine just sitting down and not having to worry about aiming. If I go for a midnight, like a 2am, 3am wee, I just sit down because I don't like to turn the light on.

I'd just sit down all the time if I was, dude. Really? Sometimes if I'm on my phone, I just feel like I'll sit down because I don't like to turn the light on. I just sit down all the time if I was, dude. Sometimes if I'm on my phone, I just feel like I'll sit down. If you're really busting as a guy, though, if you're really busting as a guy and you sit down, you've really got to point it back and around because then if it bounces off the front of the bowl, you'll wet your balls. Did you get that?

Did you get that? Like, I'm on busting, I've got to stand. That must be you. Can't sit. Just the pressure bounces. Did you get that? Did you get that? Like, I can't. I'm on bussing. I've got to stand. That must be you. Can't sit. Just the pressure bounces. It turns into a sprinkler system down there. Do you have any idea what he's talking about, Producer James? I'm just thinking if you're excited, you'd probably wet your balls,

but I don't know. That's the only reason I think, guys, when you're bussing. Is that what you actually mean? He doesn't talk much, Producer James. But when he does, it's always gold. No, like bussing, you're just like, oh, my God, I'm about to, like, wet my pants. he doesn't talk much producer James but when he does it's always gold no like like busting like you're just like oh my god

I'm about to like wet my pants like there's a lot of urine in there and it's a quick exit I was with James but I kept that to myself that was the only reason

I thought you would oh you thought I was like aroused yeah no no no anyway

it's very hard to when you are aroused you're toilet training so can't i'm toilet training um august and uh when i took her to the she always talks back but this morning when i put her on the um toilet and um she's asleep she's like eyes are shut like heads flopped like i've picked her up and plopped her on there and i i go she's like dad i might say yeah and she goes where does wheeze come from like in this super calm and it kind of spooked me a little bit because it's like you know when you see kids in horror movies and like that something's talking through them, like a spirit talks through them. Dad, where does wheeze come from?

What are you saying to them? I was like, it's when you drink water and stuff and your body uses the water and then it's the leftover stuff. Okay. I was like, that'll be all. But it wasn't, then it was like Where does the wheeze go? I was like, what do you mean?

When you do wheeze Where does the wheeze go? And I was like, we flush it down the toilet Yeah, but where does it go? It's a good question. So at like quarter past three, I'm like, well, it goes down a tube, a pipe. Goes into a syringe system and it's pumped to a refuge.

Oh, Christ. I'll tell you tomorrow when I see you after kindy So, she probably won't remember Yeah But if she does I've got to like get home And actually work out How to answer this question

Because we've driven past those giant Waste ponds Yeah, the waste ponds The effluent ponds And I've said before They're like, is that a lake? I'm like, it's a lake made up of Wees and poos

And we've all laughed Because that's like a Timeless joke for kids Joke about wees and poos that a lake? I'm like, it's a lake made up of wheeze and poos. And we've all laughed because that's like a timeless joke for kids, a joke about wheeze and poos and a lake full of it. And they're like, oh, gross, there's swans on it. I'm like, I know, that's so filthy. But now I've got to work out how to explain to her how it gets to there and everything. So, you know. But I'm just, I really like this.

I'm wondering now because, you know, they say if you hear things while you're asleep, you're open to suggestion. Yeah. Like tomorrow I'm going to be like you know they say if you hear things while you're asleep, you're open to suggestion. Yeah. Like tomorrow, I'm going to be like, August. Yeah. Dad's the best. Okay. I think you're going to say, like, make sure you clean your room every day.

Oh, no. No, no. When you're upset, dads are just as good as mums for cuddles. Oh. Because they're not. I don't know how we, yep. I've never said when I'm like sick or sad, I want dad. Dad, no, you never do.

And it breaks dad's heart to stand there. I've got my arms out. She'll run at me and skirt around me and go to shut out. I'll be like, what must I do? F.E.M. I was talking about fatherhood and how when a kid's crying, they want their mum and not their dad. It hurts.

Bit of a woe is me situation. And Sade messaged saying, yeah, I know. Okay. It was positive, though. Yeah, okay. It was a nice pat on the back. She said, you know, they might always run to me, but they always say when you cook, it's better.

Oh. That's a big deal because dads aren't renowned. Well, I mean, maybe dads from our generation aren't renowned Well I mean Maybe dads from our generation Aren't renowned As being good cooks Nah I don't know My dad was like me

He knew what kids liked Yeah And if there was pasta Cheese A bunch of sauce And some leftovers in there It was like Pretty legit

Like we'd always be like Dad you should cook every night Mum would be like She did have to cook every night because he was working on the farm. Because if Mum was ever away, Dad was in charge, it'll either be takeaways or fried. Everything was fried. Eggs, anything.

Just potatoes. Sort of like a fried platter. Basically, a fried platter of food. And you'd be like, oh, God, when's Mum back? It was good if there was something cooked in our house and there was going to be leftovers and dad was on cooking the next night because for some reason dad could make leftovers magic. I think he may have inherited it from his mum.

But again though, fried though. Oh, it was always baked and covered in cheese and stuff. But again, know your audience. Know your audience. Play to your strengths. But like, yeah, dads maybe get a bit of a hard rap when it comes to cooking. What was Wayne like? He made nasty sandwiches.

For dinner? Or, like, if he had to make our lunches or something for school, you'd always be like, oh, no, Dad's made mine. Like, he'd give you avocado and marmite sandwiches, which would be soggy by lunchtime. Oh, soggy, yeah. And the avo goes brown. Like, hello. Oh, you don't look at it, thoughgy, yeah. And the avo goes brown. Like, hello.

Oh, you don't look at it, though. It's mixed with the marmite. You just tell your mind it's the marmite that made it brown, not the time it's been exposed to the elements. Yeah, he'd just put, like, random combos in there. That's a great combo, though. He was ahead of his time. Yeah, but what would he do for a dinner if he was in charge of dinner?

Dad had, like, he did a stir fry, which was all right. But that was it, right? No, he would get leftovers from the fridge. Or he'd make himself, like, sardines and be like, if you don't like this, you can get your own. Hey, this will go hungry. That's the dad. What kid liked sardines?

No, yuck. Still to this day. I don't think even dads liked sardines. They just knew it was something they wouldn't have to share. Yeah. That's why dads, like, sniffed the lollies and all those horrible oddfellows and stuff. Because they just knew no one would want to share them. Definitely everything in a pan.

So they'd lock it down. Producer Booth, any dad classics for dinner? Dad would always run a fish finger, but he would burn the outside and the inside would be... Quite often, dads did defy... Like, how do you do that? It's impossible. Yeah. Is he dropping a 100% frozen fish finger straight into a pan of searing hot liquid?

And then being like, oh, that's enough. She's browned up and crisped up nicely. Yeah, in his defense, it is brown and crispy. Like, the fish finger should be ready, but it's not. My father-in-law, hearing the stories from my wife and her siblings, he was a shocker because her mum was a nurse. So they'd work different shifts. And he had classics like rice, beef, tomato,

which was rice with mints and just some tomatoes. But the rice was cooked in like way too much water. So it had a soupy quality to it. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. You would think given that he is Chinese Thai, he would know a bit about rice.

Oh, yeah. But no idea. No, he loves to eat it. No idea how to prepare it. Right. Did the rice go in raw with everything else? The rice, I believe,

would go in initially into boiling water and then at just some like haphazard randomly guessed point he'd just put in frozen mints frozen mints which would

bubble around and get that brown slime on the top and then he'd be like tomato time and then in goes a ton of tomatoes into a soupy quality

and then his other famous recipe was fish finger soup where he would start cooking noodles a vast amount of noodles yeah again in far too much water

like in to me or two-minute noodles? Yeah. Okay. And then in went frozen fish fingers. Now, if you know anything about fish fingers, unless you bake them in the oven or fry them, the skin just peels right off. Yeah, yeah.

And so that would meld in with the noodles. Yeah. And then the log of the fish finger, which is grey, if you've ever looked at it. Yeah, yeah. Certainly in the 80s when there was no quality control on what kind of fish were going into the finger, they were grey logs

of some indescribable meat. And they'd be like, tuck in. So it's a bread crummy soup with grey logs. Yes. And noodles and a lot of water. We would like to now take this chance to open up the phone lines and hear about your dad's signature dishes.

Those times when dad, because dads might have a recipe. Yeah. A recipe. And let's be honest, they probably weren't doing most of the cooking. No, unless your dad's the chef of the household. Yeah, I mean, that's true, man. That's an unfair brush to just broadly stroke across all dads. We don't want to hear about Michelin five-star chef dads or chef dads.

We want to hear about those dads. We want to hear about our mates in a panicky situation, and they're just like, all right, everybody, we're going to pull together and get this done. Do you think there could be a cookbook in this as well? Oh, yes. Of, like, terrible dinners. It could also double as a student cookbook as well.

Yeah. Short on time and money. Yeah. But big on leftovers and weird supplies. 0800-966-9696. Give us your dad's signature dish. We're talking about dad's maybe killer recipes when you were growing up.

Maybe it was really good, but just it was a real hodgepodge of ingredients. No. Maybe it was horrendous. Let's be honest. None of these are killer. Maybe it became a family classic, though. Most of these are horrific. Yeah.

What dads are doing in the kitchen. Yeah. So we want to know from you, and we're maybe even thinking a sort of a dad cookbook could be on the... Well, you know, Dad's Day is not too far away. I mean, we've probably left it too... What day is Father's Day? Sunday.

We've probably left it too late to get it to the printers, but... We could do some tutorials. Everything's online anyway these days. You don't need a printer cookbook, do you? That's very true. So we want to know from you what was on offer. Somebody said, Fletch, I can relate to yours the most. Our dinners, if Dad was in charge, was fried eggs, fried bacon,

fried tomato, mashed potato, fried, but it was always on toast with a side of boiled peas. Oh, yep. And I'm pretty sure Dad would have fried the peas too. He loved a fried, still does, but I think Mum keeps an eye on it. How do you fry a pea? I would have thought it would have exploded. He loves a fried tomato.

Oh, yeah. But mum tells him off and she'll make his food. How is he frying mashed potatoes? Is it just trying to make a little hash? Yeah, it's like a hash situation. When you flip it, it just goes... Yeah, pretty much. So then you just keep mashing it around

and you just kind of like flop it on the plate. Yuck. It's like chip shrap kind of like flop it on the plate. Yuck. It's like chip shratnel by the time it hits the plate. Someone said, my dad's signature dish was sausage casserole. Took a lot of explaining to friends that came over on nights when dad was cooking. But it was an absolute huge hit when we were kids, but probably wouldn't eat it now.

Dad used to make dad's stew, which was a random assortment of peas, carrots and potatoes. And then he'd flop in mince at one stage. Mince? Yeah. Yum. Mince is always good. You can chuck a bit of mince in anything and it'll turn a dish right round.

Okay. Katie, when Dad was in charge of food, what was on the menu? So, Mum was also a nurse, so she did shift work. Yeah. And lunches in the weekend were two slices of bread with butter. White bread? White bread. Yeah, dads love white bread.

Or dad bread, as it's known. So two slices of white bread with butter, and then some chopped up carrots, a handful of sultanas, maybe cheese if we were lucky. And if there wasn't carrots, we had apples. So we'd get a plate and we'd have to make our own sandwiches

with that assortment. Right, so a carrot sultana bread and butter sandwich. Yes. Wow. See, sultanas on bread and butter sounds okay. No, maybe a dessert bread and butter. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. It's like a savoury version of the bread and butter pud. Yes, no meat, no, maybe a dessert bread and butter. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. It's like a savoury version of the bread and butter pud.

Yes, no meat, no nothing. So we wouldn't really, we'd try and make sandwiches, but we just ended up eating it individually each condiment. Thanks, Dad. Oh, no. Good try, Dad. Brilliant. All right, thanks for your call, Katie.

Connor, what was on the menu when Dad was in charge of cooking? He was never one to really dabble, but he thought he was a bit gourmet by mixing something like, you know, the tin corned beef that you get? Yep. The palmed corned beef. Beautiful. That food-looking stuff.

He thought it would be a great idea to mix that with the absolute cheapest spaghetti that he could find, and that was Dad's spaghetti bolognese. Oh, wow. Spam and spaghetti. Was there a bit of sauce involved somewhere in the...? And that was Dad's spaghetti bolognese. Oh, wow. Spam and spaghetti. Was there a bit of sauce involved somewhere in the... You had a little bit of bread to dip into the, whatever you want to call coming off the meat.

That's how you soaked that up. I don't know if you could actually name it something, but Dad thought it was bloody awesome, so... Yeah, well, gourmet spag bol. Yeah. Wow. It seems to say I'm never going to touch this stuff again. Yeah, well, gourmet spag bol. Yeah. Wow. That could do it. It seems to say I'm never going to touch this stuff again.

Well, it's put you off spaghetti, hasn't it? And spam. And if you're in West Auckland, it's hard to touch the spam because it's locked up in a... It is, they lock it up. Thanks for your call. Richard's on the phone. Richard, what was Dad's go-to signature dish? It was his version of nachos,

but it was cornflakes with grated cheese, unmelted. Was there any mince involved in the nachos? No, no, just, yep, that was it. That was his go-to. It was just cornflakes and grated cheese. There was no meat or anything? Yeah, no, not melted, not hot, just, yep. But when you've got five kids,

that was just your go-to when mum wasn't around. How do you eat that? With a spoon? Yeah, I was going to say, eating it with a spoon because you need the nacho chip to act as a spade. And a fork wouldn't even work. No, no, to deal with less dishes, it was just use hands. Because it wasn't melted, it was just dig in. Get a bowl full.

I would have given that like 30 seconds in the microwave just to melt the cheese. Yeah, yeah. It's great hindsight to think about those sort of things now when you're young. I'm not against using cornflakes in some sort of mincey dish. I'd imagine it would play off each other quite well. They did have a good crunch. Yes, of course.

If you put that concoction in a blender and then use it as a coating. That would be pretty good. Yeah, that would have been legit. Brilliant. All right. Richard, thanks for your call. Some other text messages in. My dad was a full-time Czech cereal, chip sandwich and lasagna topper meal deal

when we went to stay with dad after mum and dad split up. Right. It seemed pretty awesome at the time as we were just surviving on that but now you look back and it was a little bit sad. A bit grim, yeah. Somebody said, you haven't lived with a dad

until dad has turned Marmite into a soup. No. A Marmite soup? With some hot water. Just hot water? And Marmite. It's like beef stock. But what?

What thickens the soup? Or is it just like... It's just that watery soup. It's like a foe. Marmite water. A Marmite faux. I'm just going to jizz it up here, guys. No, because a faux has always got the noodles and...

Well, maybe they put noodles in it. I'm willing to hear you out, Dad. That's an okay base. Let's add some more and see what happens. Some other text messages in. My dad used to boil half a kilo of mints with frozen vegetables in way too much water, and then it would be poured onto toast,

poured onto toast. No sauces. That was rude. I'm so thankful I didn't grow up in one of those houses where sauce was considered an insult to the cook. We were big sauce. We love a bit of sauce. You can't insult the chef when they're boiling mince in a pot.

Somebody else said savoy soup was the go-to. Dad would cut up the Savoys before putting them into the vegetable soup. Right. And a bit of bread. But Dad would just have a Savoy and bread and say he was keeping the good stuff for the kids. Would we have enough for a Dad cookbook? There's enough in here for some really good how-tos. Okay.

Some really good recipes. Somebody said their dad used to stuff a chicken with a banana. Like a mashed banana or the whole banana? I don't know. That's all they said. Every time you'd have a roast chicken, or would have a banana up it. Up it. I need more info from banana stuffing chicken dad guy.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about audio illusions. Okay. So we're all aware of optical illusions. We can trick your brain into seeing something. And you're like, oh, and then you, you know, come about. And you're like, oh, okay.

That was just my brain playing tricks on me. A classic is where something's spinning and it makes it look like it's moving and more parts are coming in, but it's not. It's just the way that it maybe moves out from the centre. Right. And it looks like it's ever-growing, but it's not. You know, many optical illusions. We're all familiar with how to trick our eyes.

But tricking your ears is an audio illusion, and today's fact of the day is about the shepherd tone. Okay. The shepherd tone. I want to play you the shepherd tone. Okay. The shepherd tone. I want to play you the shepherd tone. Okay. What do you think? It's going higher and higher.

Higher and higher. It's building. It's building. It's building. It's building. It's building. It's building. It's still going, isn't it? It's spacing. Would you say it's still going higher? Still going.

It really feels like we're going to get to a point like something's going to happen. It'll never happen. Why not? Do you know why? Why? It's an audio illusion. It's got to stop at some point. It doesn't because you just start picking up on the next one.

See how that's getting really high? Yeah. Your brain's going to start concentrating on the one coming up soon. On the deeper one. On the deeper one that's coming up and your brain's just going to think that it's still rising even though it's not. It's just started listening to the next one.

Impending doom, like anxiety. So, this was used in the movie Dunkirk. You know how intense Dunkirk was? Zimmerman, who put it together, worked with Christopher Nolan on making it super intense and used the shepherd tone as well as a ticking pocket watch,

which gives the illusion of passing time. Yep. Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock. You're like, tip, top, tip, top, tip, top. You're like, time's passing, something's coming. But it never does. Like, here come the German planes. Yeah, the planes. Whoa, okay.

And if you listen to it, it will just continually sound like it's building. But what you, until someone tells you, what you don't realise is that your brain just starts listening to the next one. That's okay. I'm freaked out. I'm a bit creeped out. Last night when I was playing this in the house, the females in my house were across the board terrified of the noise I was playing.

Just on edge. Like, what's happening? What's going to happen? What's going to happen? Because you're expecting, you're waiting for it. It's a suspenseful build that never arrives. You know what we need to do is when the secret sound, imagine if someone's like,

hey, what do you think the secret sound is? Do. Oh. I'll start it from the start. Okay. I don't know what you're doing there. We're actually role playing. Yeah, we're actually role playing.

Oh, okay. Susan, what do you reckon the secret sound is? Well, I've been listening for a little while with my husband. I actually thought Megan was going to be the female in this role play, but no, carry on, Susan. Yeah, my husband and I have been going over these clues for quite a while. No. You might know he's a regular caller to your show.

I know, I'm sick of it. He laughs. You know what? He's going to kill me if I know, I'm sick of it. He laughs. You know what? He's going to kill me if I don't get a little plug in for his business. He deals with Simon Burley. Full of Omega-3, great for the brain. And then our brains will be working together to work out the secret sound. Well, what do you think it is?

Torture. Is it the kiddie lock on a small puddle of Omega-3 tablets? Omega-3? No, it's not. It's not. It's not. But today's fact of the day is the shepherd tone is awful. Is the suspenseful rising that never arrives.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. I do. I've been noticing when receiving community notice posts at our Facebook page, but also I'm just noticing people are sharing it online, and I think it's a great thing, is that lots of little communities are putting out, how would you describe, stalls, I guess is the word. Stalls, they've got a roof on on them they've got some shelves on them I think your

your neighbourhood when you moved in our west they did this they have a stall lots of neighbourhoods have been doing it all over the place

Auckland and other cities around New Zealand as well little stalls where if you've got like a fruit tree for example that's dropping heaps of fruit way too much for you to consume or not what to do with

you chuck it in a bag or a box and you put it in the fruit store and you put a little notice up saying, hey, tons of lemons there, help yourself. Or if you've got things in your cupboard that you're not using, you can put it in there and say, hey, there's some, like the one, there's one spot in my neighbourhood and I'm stoked, very proud. When I saw it, I was like, oh, good on you, everybody. Because we waste so much food, don't we? I know.

Because you might be going away for the weekend or for a holiday or something. And you've got all this food in your fridge. Yeah. And normally you might be like, oh, well, I haven't used all that. I'll just chuck it out because I don't want it here when I get back. Yeah. Whereas you could actually donate that and leave it somewhere. Yeah.

Because some of them have fridges, don't they? Some. Some do. Some slightly partial ones. Yeah, ours doesn't have a fridge. But you could also, as long as it's not like in the high 20s outside. I mean, it's winter at the moment. You could say, hey, we're going away.

I'm putting, or for some reason, there's a litre of milk in there. Yeah, right. Because that's what people are saying on, yesterday when we walked past the one in our neighbourhood, someone said, oh, I've put some sanitary items in there. Because they had some right female sanitary items and they're like, I don't need these. I'll just put them in. Or someone did a bit of extra shopping

and put it on the way home. Yeah, I think it's awesome that so many communities are getting into this. Special shout out must go to Remuera. Does that have one? They do have one. Yes. Upmarket Auckland suburb, Remuera.

Someone sent me a photo and there were some face masks in there, some clay face masks. Are you cutting me? You could just go to like Remuera's one. Some deodorant. I know. A bit of perfume. Someone was like, it wasn't really for them,

so they put it in there. I know. It blew my mind. Because yesterday there was some rolled oats in mine into little like snap lock bags. And I thought that's awesome because rolled oats don't go off. Yeah, yeah. That's very generous.

Someone's put rolled oats. And they don't even bag them into smaller amounts. And yeah, and then I got sent one. Somebody who walks past. Somebody walks past most days past this room. You were the one who sends me an update of what I've got in there. Face masks were pretty up there. Right.

Any animals? Oh up there. Right. Any animals? Oh, there was organic, like a preserve, but it was organic and it didn't have any real bad stuff on it. Which is very, very rare as well. But hey, at least they're doing that. 100%. Our one has like, someone's got a lavender bush, so they put lavender in little mesh bags

and they're like freshness for your cupboard which is really cute and you put a little bit of lavender in the cupboard and it smells nice yeah then there was some lavender in the one

somebody put silverbeet in Elwynn yesterday and that was I was a bit like good on you but yuck oh I've got lots of silverbeet I was going to go put it in Elwynn

but then I was like oh people will judge me does silverbeet wilt really quickly would you be best to put it in a bit of water it probably does yeah like in a little vase but? It probably does, yeah. Like in a little vase.

But hey, at least it's food, right? Yeah. Like some of it is used there. That's so cool. It's so good to see. And you know, yeah, with so many people going without, it's a nice little option of just popping down and seeing what, you know, some lemons and stuff. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Megan.

The podcast. For more, catch them every weekday from 6. It's been a weekday with the Weeb. ZDM.