ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - August 26 2019

Episode Date: August 25, 2019

Vaughan has another addition to his family, Community Notices and what did you have a custody battle over that wasn't your kids?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music lives here. Flesh, fauna, Megan. The podcast. Thank you. Now one passes, didn't they, their fashion week? Absolutely. The host of Hutton has not been invited. I was literally going to say before, oh, and happy start of fashion week.

And I was like, don't you say it. Don't say a word. That's disappointing to hear that New Zealand's premier art fashion house hasn't been invited. Are you going along to any shows? Don't get invited. You've got to do the work.

House of Hutton has done no work. I made all these tags that say made in New Zealand to put on Chinese clothes. The tags are made in New Zealand. Now, what am I going to do with them all? Probably just sew them on and sell them. Hell no. Consumers. Slider.

It turns out. I got invited to a show, actually. Did you? Just gone through first day back. Stolen Girlfriends. Who knew I was cool? Oh, you've missed the deadline

for that, RSVP. Oh, have I? Oh, okay. I got invited to a show, too. I've just been going through my emails. If I want to pick a penis, it's easy. I just reply to this email and that's a show too. I've just been going through my emails. If I want to pick a penis, it's easy. I just reply to this email and that's a fashion show.

Because you go to a fashion show, obviously you're a big penis. Oh, okay, mate. You're welcome. Rural New Zealand, you're welcome. These bloody Aucklanders with their fashion. How dare people like clothes, eh? Put on a good pair of bloody gumboots. Here's the thing about these clothes. They're expensive. How dare you for clothes, eh? Put on a good pair of bloody gumboots. Here's the thing about these clothes.

They're expensive. How do you like gumboots? Yeah, but gumboots last forever. They're very practical. Don't start. Very practical. We've just got... Some of these closets.

Yeah. I'm just speaking from a place of jealousy because my fashion label hasn't been invited. Yeah. It's a rude start back, isn't it? It is. Coming up on the show, community notices have had quite a few sent in over

the last couple of weeks. Goings on on your local Facebook pages. You betcha. Yeah, the place is full of bits. Oh yeah, this is my new drink bottle. Okay. We had the same drink bottle. And I found my black one. So this is the situation.

Gearing up to go overseas. And I'm like, shut over your sumo medal drink bottle. Sustainability. Don't want to go on about it. Yeah. Saving the world. And she said, no, I haven't seen it. And I searched high online.

I couldn't find it. So on the way to, we had to stop at that warehouse by the airport, which I assume only gets used by people who have forgotten something that need to purchase it last minute before they go on holiday. And I ran in and this was literally the only metal drink bottle left and it looks like it's got a wood grain to it. I thought, because I remember you used to have timber, like wood glasses.

Yeah, well, I was bringing back the wood. God, that's hideous. I know, it's hideous. Absolutely hideous. I have tried to peel it off like this. I don't know what is holding this on. They should sell this adhesive. Because you just can't even get a lift on it.

Wow, it's like somebody carved a tree trunk into a drink bottle. But obviously not, because look how crap it looks. Yeah, I had to explain this to every single person that's seen it since I purchased it. I just looked at that and thought, oh yeah, that's porn. That's fashion. Classic porn. That's fashion, baby. All right, you lot, listen up.

It's story time. Story time. Three news headlines. Interesting, quirky, unusual news stories that I've found online. Vaughn and Megan, pick one of the following three headlines. Only.

The others are delayed to forever. Headline one, Wildlife Centre giving broken hearts forever. Headline one, wildlife centre giving broken hearts closure. Headline two, boy 10 years early. Boy 10 years early. He's not 10. Boy 10 years early. Okay.

And headline three, fast and furious in gold class. Those are your headlines. Oh, I kind of like number three. What are you laughing? Yeah. Is the first one about the white rhinos. No. Oh.

Did you see they managed to get eggs or something from those rhinos? There's only two left. Rhinos don't lay eggs, Megan. You've confused rhinos with ducks again. No, not eggs. It's laid. Like embryos. Oh, my God.

Andrew, I've just been down the park. There's bloody rhinos everywhere. They came up for bread. You're thinking of ducks. Ah! Yeah. Yeah came up for bread. You're thinking of ducks. Ah! Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Just have a Peking rhino pancake. Oh, how good is Peking duck in a little pancake? Yeah. Or a bao bun. Megan's like, I didn't miss this shit. With some cucumber sticks.

Notice how I'm laughing now. Give it a few hours. A few hours I'll be like. Yeah. A little drizzle of hoisin sauce. Okay. Oh, yeah. So, story three then.

Are we going story three? Fuzz and Furious. Sim, sim, sim. Yeah, and Gold Class. Yeah, there you go. And Gold Class. So, it's like Australia and New Zealand, right? Do they have Gold?

Well, no, they have Gold Class everywhere. It's just a term for your fancy movies. Oh, but do they call it that? Well, we go? Well, no, they have gold class everywhere. It's just a term for your fancy movies. But do they call it that? Well, we go now overseas, Vancouver, where moviegoers just earned themselves a dance with the devil. I'm not sure why they've said that. After causing $2,000 in damage to a VIP gold class cinema at a late night screening of the new Fast and Furious spin-off,

Hobbs and Shaw. Now, apparently during the VIP screening, the seats were wrecked at the theatre at an overnight showing. It appeared one of the chairs had been slashed with a knife while a footrest and table were broken off.

How? I don't know, to show you a picture there, that one's just kind of I don't know, I think maybe they got up and were very excited. Maybe just the whole testosterone in the movie. And that bloody knife I was holding when I got excited, I'll just show you a picture there. That one's just kind of, I don't know, I think maybe they got up and were very excited. Maybe just the whole testosterone in the movie. And that bloody knife I was holding when I got excited, I shredded my seat. Yeah.

So there is CCTV footage of the men leaving the movie and police would like to speak to them. It's not exactly sure what transpired in the movies. Because do they have cameras, like security cameras, in the movies? No, they just cameras, like security cameras in the movies? No, they just do that on those advanced screenings and stuff. They chuck a UV camera

down the front so they can see if you're recording it on your phone or anything, right? Oh, yeah. You've set your tripod up. Yeah. Yeah, right.

And they can also see in the dark if you fall asleep and they're like, hmm, movie didn't go great. Three people fell asleep. And this is a preview screening at 11 o'clock in the morning so yeah right

Fast and Furious fans though that wouldn't happen at like a screening of The Lion King or anything would it? It would if people

took their cats well no wanted to give them the whole Simba experience and held them up and then the cats scratched the furniture oh yeah the cats

would be pissing on the chairs yeah it's like chaos and then there's a hyena in there because the hyena owner wanted equal rights. You can take your cat. Why can't I take my hyena?

Megan's in the back being like, oh, you're a duck. And it's a rhinoceros. I brought my duck. I brought my pet duck. Megan, Jesus, that's a rhino. Where did you get that from? Again.

Why can I not just differentiate between two completely different animals? 14 past six. There's a story, I've just been reading this, is worrying. Worrying. Worrying. Panic, you'll never guess what happened next. This mother has spoken out about what happened to her son. You'll be shocked.

And the son's like, no, shush. Do you know what your children are sniffing? These are the possible headlines, the panicky headlines. Yeah, right. So don't panic. But a study has possibly linked the use of lavender oil, this could be in a soap, a shampoo, a laundry detergent. Or like those scented pillows. Yeah, those scented pillows.

I've seen those at like farmers, lavender scented pillows. Or like when youented pillows. I've seen those at like farmers. Lavender scented pillows. Or like when you go to a fancy hotel, they like have a pillow menu. Oh, I was going to say you go somewhere and there might be a sprig. A sprig of lavender. Okay. So what, stay clear, what's happened? Well, it can cause abnormal breast development in boys and girls. Yeah, there was a study and it has got a scientific name,

premature falace. Girls. Yeah, there was a study and it has got a scientific name. Premature Falache. Premature Falaches. Falache. It sounds like Mexican. Falache. I'd like a Falache. Okay. I'll have an Espresso Falache.

It's happy hour, right? That's a two for one. I'm not paying $18 for a Falache. I'll have two for $18. That's $9 a Falache. Is that? Come on, just. Well, it's a two for one. I'm not paying $18 for a falace. I'll have two for $18. That's $9 off a falace. Is that? Come on, just. Well, it's five to seven.

Make them now. Charge me for them now. Charge me for them now, then make them later. The computer says if it's after seven, I can't put them through to that. Shut up. Make them. You're talking and we're getting closer to seven o'clock. So the falace is where the breast tissue

develops, but no other signs of puberty in girls and for boys, just the breast tissue develops. What about growing adults? Yep. Around lavender? Yeah, it can cause mantides. Okay. Middies.

Some middies. So they studied these kids that were Middies Some movies Some middies So They studied These kids That were exposed To lavender oil And then when they Stopped the exposure

The symptoms also stopped Weird Yeah Wait so When you stop the exposure The middies go away The middies Cease to

Get any larger Oh okay Right So it stops It's not a smell I like And probably because Like you say It's not a smell I like. And probably because, like you say, it's synonymous with 90s toilet spray.

Yeah. And it's horrible. Yeah. Did your nan or parents sit the Glade can on like a something, like a coaster to stop it marking the windowsill. Coaster, no. That's some bougies. No, no, no, no.

I was trying to think because I'll tell you exactly what my nan used. Cheese used to come in a wheel and it was like pizza segments of cheese and that came in a plastic circular. That was what she used. So you'd always, if you did a spray, you'd have to put it. Because my granite would really, really spray because he passed on to me a very stinky noose. And then head spray so much, you'd put it down,

the residue would run down the can and affect the paint. Yeah, so she was like, I'll use this upturned cheese lid and you always put it in there. And so the residue went on that and didn't affect the paint of the windowsill. That's good. She was giving that single use plastic a second go. She probably burnt it at the end of it.

She was a prolific rubbish burner. But yeah. So that explains my middies growing up because there was always Lavender Centiglide spray. Hello and welcome to Community Notices, a segment of the show

where we have a look at what's happening around New Zealand according to local Facebook pages. No shortage. Some absolute crackers have come in lately. Some that are like sad.

There's one here. I was like, oh, my God, that's bananas. And, I mean, we're not going to know this person's identity. But I don't want anyone to think I'm reading this out because I think it's funny. I'm just reading this out because this is crazy. This is sad and quite shocking. Okay, from the

Tuckaninny Grapevine. Sharona. Na na na na. Oh, you can resist. She writes, my son and I took our clothes to the laundromat and I could hear some noise coming from inside one of the large commercial dryers. Oh, God.

I opened it up and there was a boy hiding in there sniffing gas. And she took a photo and it's actually one of those little plastic fuel plastic containers that you take to there. Should you be doing that in a commercial dryer?

Flame risk. I don't know. As long as it's not going. It wasn't going at the time. I yelled at him, what are you doing? And he just stared at us. And so we took this photo and called the police. That's... And if you're small enough

to fit in a commercial dryer, you're not a fully grown adult, are you? You could assume that was a younger person. No, unless you're a small adult. Isn't that terrible? Yeah, that's sad.

Very sad. I hope they found the person's identity and got them some help. Next on the Te Ao Muru and surrounding areas grapevine information sharing group, Carolyn writes, My mother-in-law has had two large goats turn up at her house. They're very friendly, but she can't go outside as they boulder over.

One is black, one is tan. Her place is quite close to town and it lists what road she lives on. If anyone's missing their goats, can you come and get them ASAP, please? And there are two goats. The photo is taken from inside the house. The two goats looking quite intimidating. Are they bigger than your goats? No, smaller than my goats.

Oh, she wouldn't handle Helen and... Oh, no, and these have been de-butted. These don't have horns, whereas Harold and Helen are rocking ninja swords. Yeah. Ninja swords on the dime. They just want to play with it. Have you put pool noodles on them yet? Yeah, I did.

I put the pool noodles on. Why didn't I get a photo of that? A video. I specifically asked for you to put pool noodles on the horns of your goats. I had to find a thicker pool noodle because putting the pool noodle on, it tore the pool noodle because they've got googly horns.

Duct tape on the pool noodles. Did they fight each other with the noodles? No, they just kind of, you know when you first put like a cat or a dog in clothes and they stand there like something feels weird and unnatural. They stood there like that for a while and then they ate each other's pool noodles. Oh, okay.

Helen was like, you eat mine, I'll eat yours. So they... Teamwork. Teamwork. They ate the pool noodles. So I'm surprised they didn't die, but they'll have to see another day. Let's pop down to Potty Do a Buy, Sell and Trade for the next place by Sean, who says, Urgent, and it's in capital letters,

so you know it's urgent. Where to get a last minute outfit in P-Town for a strip club bar staff position? Okay. ASAP please, prayer hands, thanks in advance and what to wear. So is this Sean applying for a job at a strip

club as bar staff? Maybe. Or is he looking to buy his bar staff an outfit? I don't know. Do you have to wear something sexy if you're working behind the't know. Do you have to wear something sexy if you're working behind the bar? So you just wore a normal...

Oh, you want to keep the mood going. Right. You don't want to get to the bar and somebody's in a potato sack. Right.

You want them to look as classy as everybody else partake. Yeah. But no, the person that sent that in is just a screencap. No comments

to say where you can get a sexy bar staff outfit. Posty Plus? Yeah. Yeah. Lovely. Skimpy Cardi.

Yeah. Ooh. Just leave a couple of buttons undone. Yeah. What's that other mum store? Easy Buy? No, like an actual...

Pagani. Is that a mum store? No, it's still open. Is that a mum store? Yes, it's still open. Pagani's still happening? Yeah. Farmers?

Yeah. Farmers. You get a lovely... Farmers. You get a lovely frocking farmers. Pagani's still happening? Yeah. Farmers? Yeah. You get a lovely farm. Farmers get a lovely frock in farmers. Yeah. Let's go to the University of Canterbury Student Association Notice Board. Kate writes, I just saw a spunky lad while I was getting chicken nuggies.

Spunky lad. You saw a spunky lad while I was getting chicken nuggies at the Rickers Maccas. He also got sweet and sour sauce so must be love. Just wondering if y'all could help me find him. Thanks heaps.

Hit me up. And then Bravely lists her phone number. Wait, so this is Rickerton McDonald. Is he working or potty? No, no.

He was also getting nuggets because he also got sweet and sour sauce. But that's her sauce. Nah, barbecues. Nah, piss off. Bar he also got sweet and sour sauce. But that's her sauce. Nah, barbecue's it. Nah, piss off. Barbecue's it. Sweet and sour sauce.

Sauce. In the dipping situation. Sweet and sour's lovely, don't get me wrong. And finally from the Lower Hut, Upper Hut. So that's your jewel huts. That's Buy Hut. Yep. Buy Hut Curious.

Lower and Upper Hut buy, sell and swap page. Frank writes, a weird offer, but I've been cleaning out my lone sock box and found these that seem too good to be thrown out. I thought they might be useful for somebody else who's got similar socks, but solo. Two black, one navy, Lamington socks. It's a Lamington sock. I don't know.

Like the colours maybe, like a red, white. No, two black and one navy Lamington socks. It's coated in coconut. Navy Lamington. Lamington. Can you Google a Lamington sock? Spout, I believe, the same. L-A-M-I-N-G.

A little coconut strands out of it. Lamington. No, I'm getting nothing. Just getting pictures of socks, normal socks. Okay, so a Lamington sock, all with a cable knit pattern. As new condition, can't read the size on the socks, but the foot length

is 10 centimetres to the smallest. What? That's a tiny foot. Oh, I think it's kids, it's a kids brand. Oh, that explains the tiny foot. I'm not afraid. We just had a kid's brand. Oh, that explains the tiny foot. I love Frank, which is at a very tiny foot. Free to anyone who will pay post or pick up in Lower Hutt. So if you're after a solo sock,

as it turns out, a tiny child's sock, you can get in touch with Frank. Those are today's community notices, small socks and all. And you can send any community notices you see to our Facebook page, FVMZM ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan the podcast

there is such a problem in this Welsh little seaside town that they have had to put in anti-sex toilets

so you can see now what the the Welsh eh the what anti-sex toilets yeah so the problem is people are getting funky in the toilets,

in the public toilets. Funky up my bumper, baby. I don't want to be associated with that. Much like a number plate too, front and back. Yeah. So they have announced these plans to install these toilets with special anti-sex technology. So.

Okay. If you go in there. Your mum So, if you go in there and you're like... Your mum goes, what's happening in there? This is a pre-recorded look of your mum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, it says it has weight-sensitive floors. Okay. Are these those toilets, you know, the auto-cleaner

toilets that we've talked about with the slidey doors? I think that's what I'm imagining. And then they've just got, like, a software update that's got like extra features. Okay. So it says weight sensitive floors equipped with motion sensors that will detect inappropriate sexual activity and vandalism. But what if you're 180 kgs and you want to do some jump rope in a toilet? Yeah, because what does that mean?

It's weighing and seeing that there's two people in there. Yeah, and then if there's any sort of like... Repetitive motion. Regular motion. it's weighing and seeing that there's two people in there. Yeah, and then if there's any sort of like... Repetitive motion. Regular motion. It sounds like, you know, that scene in the Mission Impossible movie where he comes down in the room of lasers

and has to tiptoe around to not get caught. Yeah. But you're right though. But then so what happens if the lasers trip? So when they're triggered, the sensors will open the cubicle doors. Wow. Just straight up open them and they'll start spraying them with water

that says three times quickly. So like... Three quick bursts of water. I need this at home for the cat. Right. When it comes to the ranch ladder in the middle of the night and it's like... If I could just hit a button so it was like,

squirted on the water. I reckon you could somehow get, surely there's an app timer for a garden hose. Do you reckon there's a room? That you could put it, yes. Or just run a tap up to your room. Yes. There's actually like a hose not too far from there.

Do you think there would be a remote control? So just beside the bed, I could have something I push and it would be like, pfft. Yep, 100%. Or like a bucket of water on a string. You run a pulley system to your bedroom window, pull the string, it falls on the cat, cat's wet, and then the cat runs away. Freezes to death. Yep.

Wonderful. But at least I didn't get woken up until 4 in the morning. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top 6. Hello there. The Qantas flight that is going to be 19 hours long is a new record for the longest commercial flight.

It's going to go Sydney, New York and there's also going to be a Sydney, London. Yeah, apparently. If they can make this work. Surely there's not going to be any economy seats, eh? But we did 18 hours in economy. What's an extra hour?

100% there'll be economy seats. Yeah. I just think the extra hours. Add some memory foam. Will they add some memory foam cushions? You're bummed. You know they don't get after so long, you're just like. And then your knees get like stitched.

Like, you know, your knees, if they could get stitched, I feel like that's what it would feel like. Like they get locked, like they seize your knees get like stitched like you know your knees if they could get stitched I feel like that's what it would feel like like they get locked like they seize yeah they're like all like sore and creaky you can imagine that

you're there you're in London you haven't had to do a three hour stop over you're just there 100% well they're going to

have to test test people to see how they go on a 19 hour flight as it hasn't been done before. Sure, it's close, but maybe it's that extra hour that'll break you. Yeah.

So the top six tests they'll run on this 19-hour flight. Number six, your entertainment screen will restart at a pivotal point in a movie you're watching, and then you'll have to manually fast forward to find where you're up to, but you keep stopping too early because you're like,

I remember this part maybe I'll stop here I had to do that because the airline I went on had ads at the start of all their TV shows and movies so I'd be like

fast forward fast forward fast forward and then try to pause oh yeah every episode I watched yeah of a TV show

and then those remotes are you fast forwarding it's not like a TV remote you can't do a quick quick stop no you press play and it still carries on for another...

You're like, I said play! So you can see how frustrating that would be. Oh, horrible. Number five on the list of the top six tests Qantas will run for the new night and hour flight. A kid will kick your chair for 20 seconds at a time and then stop for five minutes so you think they're not going to do it

again. Then start again for just 20 seconds and then stop. And then you think, oh, they're not going to do it again. Then start again for just 20 seconds and then stop. And then you think, oh, they're not going to do it again. Then they do it again. I give them that look. And then you turn around and give them a look and then their parents catch you giving them the look

but they've stopped kicking their chair and then you look like the bad guy. Yeah, it's going to be a good one. It's a test that needs to be run. Number four on the list of the top six tests that Qantas will run on a 19-hour flight. They'll mix your drinks really strong. And you've got to plan your drinking to last the 19 hours without pissing yourself and passing out.

That is always my worst fear. Is it sweating your pants? If I'm taking a sleeping pill? I'm just like, okay, this is great. I'm going to get eight hours sleep. I'm just going to wake up. But am I going to have wet pants? Yeah.

Has that ever happened? You wake up and you're like, okay, I'm busting. Like if you're b I going to have wet pants? Yeah. Has that ever happened? You wake up and you're like, okay, I'm busting. Like, if you're busting, do you wake up? It literally happened to me the other day. Okay. Yeah. And I was like, thank God I'm awake. Because you almost wet yourself.

And then you dream you're on the toilet. You dream you're on the toilet, yes. It's not just me that they mix the drinks quite strong on the plane, eh? No, it's two on the, one in the ground is worth two in the air. No, but they do. They do mix them strong. I had a rum and coke on the flight recently

and I was like, oh, God. Look, they don't want to waste all the money on mixer. That's what it feels like. The mixer takes up more room,

so they don't want to use as much of it. Yeah. But surely it's cheaper to have more mixer and less alcohol, right? No, it's just, I'll make it so strong and gross, it's going to take you an all flight to drink it.

Can't put it away, though. Number three on the list of the top six test Qantas will run on you for the new 19-hour flight. They won't have your first or second choice for meals. They've only got the vegetarian option left, which on this flight is a bun and some water. Because you can't have butter because you're a vegan. No, I'm only a vegetarian. Oh, stink for you. God, I'd be packing some snacks.

I'd be packing some snacks for that 19-hour flight. Yeah. I reckon, while they might test you with only the vegan option, they feed you a lot on a plane where you're not actually doing anything. That's true. They're just putting another meal in front of you. Number two on the list of the top six tests Qantas will run on this new 19-hour flight.

When you're boarding, you'll see that there are empty seats in business and you can see them when you sit down. So you ask, cheekily might I add, about the possibility of sitting there and they said, oh, I'll just ask and then someone else hears you ask

so they ask about business too. They get the seats and you don't. And then you have to sit with that for 19 hours. Yeah. You'd be seething. You'd be seething.

That's the test though. That's the test. That's the test. That's the test. Although you might be able to get into their seat and do that really uncomfortable looking sleep.

Some people have an economy when they've got a seat next to them spare where they're like, put their feet up and they're like, oh yeah, that's great. It's more or less business class back here. I've got two seats. I'm crammed up like I'm in the mother's womb.

It's more or less business class back here. And number one on the top six test Qantas will run on the new 19 hour flight. Your seat doesn't recline. At all. In fact, when you try it only gets more straight up. That'll teach you. Every time you try the angle just keeps going.

That'll really test you. Test your ability to remain a human for 19 hours. That is today's top six. Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth. Hey, now, it's just like, what has happened there? It all fall apart. She's apparently hooking up with Caitlyn, Brodie Jenner's ex-partner.

And he's... They met on that movie, didn't they? And it was like nine or ten years ago. The last song? Yeah, it was like nine or ten years ago. The last song? Yeah, it was one of those Nicholas Sparks. Yeah. Yeah, that was like ten years ago. And then they got married, was that eight months ago?

Yeah. And now they're getting divorced. And she has had to defend herself and say it's not because of cheating and everything. But regardless. But then drop that song and it's like, ouch. Like, listen to the lyrics. Yeah. What do the lyrics say for those who haven't heard the song?

It's about drug use, isn't it? Drugs and drinks. She says she doesn't need the whiskey and pills, but she can't do this anymore or something. Yeah, so it was kind of like, ouch. Yeah. But then she came out Friday with that massive post saying. She didn't cheat. They've grown apart. They're friends. They're friends. Yeah. But then she came out Friday with that massive post saying... She didn't cheat.

They've grown apart. They're friends. They're friends. Yeah. I mean, we shouldn't stick our nose into their business, but we will. Because they have 15 pets together. 15? Yeah.

I mean, I knew she had lots. That's too many. Especially for two people that would never be home. That's what's minds-blowing about having that many pets. They don't own a ranch. They don't own sort of a... What are these pets? They're all cats and dogs, right?

They're not like birds. So there is seven dogs. So yeah. Two horses. Two mini horses. Three cats. And then her pig. So...

Well, he surely doesn't want Bubba Sue. I think Lifted, no, Bubba Sue's RIP. Is this a new pig? This is a different pig, yeah. Yeah, because I remember when Bubba Sue passed away. She repicked. She got a new one. She doubled down on the pig.

In the court documents, are they four horses or are they actually broken down into full-size mini horse? Well, I don't know. They're different species, so they'd be miniature horses and full-size horses. Right. See, I'd gosize mini horse. Well, I don't know. They're different species, so they'd be miniature horses and full-size horses. Right. See, I'd go your miniature horse,

easier to transport, less to feed. So in pictures online and stuff, it looks like they've got like a little stable and stuff, like it's fully set up. So I don't know whose house that is. You're going to have to divide them up?

Yeah. Well, apparently, they have actually had somewhat of a custody battle and Liam has said he's not going to put up a fight. Well, apparently they have actually had somewhat of a custody battle and Liam has said he's not going to put up a fight. He could if he wanted to. He is allowed to fight for joint custody of the animals, but she acquired most of the pets in the first place,

so he's not going to put up a fight. So she's going to get all 15 animals. He doesn't want any. He doesn't want any. Not even the cute dog. What about the dogs? He's walking away. He's wiping want any. He doesn't want any. Not even the cute dog. What about the dogs? He's walking away. He's wiping his hands of it. It's good. But you can't wipe your hands of animals like the doggies.

I would wipe my hands of the cats and the dogs in a moment. And I'd trade them for the goats and the sheep. That would be me. See, I'd go after your goats just to spite you. I would too. You know what? I'd call you bluff. I'd call you bluff. I'd call you bluff. I'd be like, take one.

Take both of them. Isn't Helen your favourite? I'd take Helen and leave you one. No. So I'd split them up. I don't choose favourites with my goat children. You talk about Helen more. So I think inadvertently.

I don't know because she's more, she's got more stories to tell. Harold's the equiner, man. He's less of a handful. If you go through a breakup and you've got the dog, the one dog or the dog and the cat that you got together and you both love them, then what do you do? Because if Andrew and I broke up,

I would 100% have to have joint custody. I'm not leaving Leo. Yes, he would. No, he wouldn't. He just pretends to like him. No, he loves him. They both seem to love that stupid dog. It's bizarre.

We'd go like Wednesday through Wednesday, so then you both get like a weekend, and like you don't have to split up your weekend by like dropping it off on a Sunday or something, you know? Right. Not that I've thought about this. Yeah, but you want consistency for doggy school. You want consistency.

Right, yeah. You need to think about that Wednesday. Do you drop him off at school on Wednesday? Andrew picks him up. Yeah. Okay, that's good. That's good. Now, remember Dad's coming to get you tonight?

And I'd feed him, like, real good stuff. Yeah, you would. So when he went back, he's like, eh. Yeah, and fat. Man, check man in McKinney. But aside from kids, there's definitely custody battles. And even it could be, like, inanimate things, like, that you've acquired. The PlayStation.

That you're fighting over. So when you broke up with a partner, maybe not even a marriage, long-term relationship, what did you fight over that wasn't children? Okay, maybe you had to come up with an agreement for who got the pets. Yeah. 0800 DARS at M. Give us a call. You can text if you can't get through 9696.

What did you fight over that wasn't children? Well, Miley and Liam, no more. And there's a heartbroken Hemsworth out there. That needs a shoulder to cry on. Have you seen his Specsavers ad? I have, yeah. Surprising, wasn't it? Weird timing, wasn't it?

Hey, should we break up with my Specsavers ad? Or is it OPCM? Specsavers. It's one OPSM? Specsavers. It's one of them. It's a glass. No, it's good because that company needs kudos.

Liam Hemsworth. The one that got a Hemsworth needs kudos. Add Optician? Just an ad. Optician. He doesn't really do ads.

Which one is it? OPSM. OPSM. Apologise OPSM. It's just that Specsavers has really cornered that television marketing thing for a while, hasn't it?

They needed a Hemsworth. Yeah, they got a Hemsworth. So a lot of debate over who gets their multitude of animals. There's 15 pets and it turns out even though he was the one who rescued them from the California wildfires, she's going to take all of them. So we want to know when you've had to make an arrangement with an ex that wasn't about kids. Maybe it was about pets or, I don't know, something odd. Amber, good morning.

Hey. So you broke up with your partner. What did you have to agree on? So we had to agree on I had to pay him for one of my breast implants. Just the one. Just one. So while you were with him. So I got them before we broke up.

Yeah. And when we split up, he said, well, I want you to pay me for one of them. And I said, but you can't resell them. And he said, no, I had to pay him out for one. But how long were you together? Ten years. See, I think if you went to a lawyer, that would be constituted as a gift, right? And you don't have to give back gifts that you acquired in a relationship.

I know, I've been divorced. Not if he bought them for himself. No, but he technically bought them for her. It was an investment. Well, we bought them together because I paid for them as well. So, yeah. I wouldn't have paid that out. I'd love to know what an actual lawyer would say about that.

Yeah, I don't know. But, oh, too hard basket. Did you pay him cash or did you just let him take assets valued to half of it? I can't remember. I think we split assets. I had to take five grand off what I was getting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Five grand?

Joint assets. Is that how much Nung is up? No, ten. She's well one, yeah. One? Is that good? i was getting yeah yeah yeah yeah five grand join us how much nung is that no 10. yeah one is that good is that like as cheap as it gets or is there like a more expensive uh that probably is more expensive i just went to auckland are you going to auckland okay so you didn't go to thailand or bangladesh i feel like no no quite an expensive, like, good option, right? Yeah. It's one of those things you don't want to take a shortcut on. Yeah. Very true. Wow, okay.

And were there any other fights over, like, pets or anything else? It was just that? That was probably the main thing. The rest of the stuff was pretty cruisy. I just said, you can take whatever, and then we split the house down the middle. Okay, that's amazing. All right, Amber, thank you so much for your call. Some text messages coming in.

We were together for four years. In that time, we were given two blocks of rare Swiss chocolate. And they hadn't eaten it. We both shared a block early in the relationship, but once we broke up, we went to war about who was getting that final block of, as previously mentioned, rare Swiss chocolate. She wanted to keep as a memento. No idea why. After handing me for a month,

I snapped it and sent half to her in the mail. That's fair. That's 50-50. But I see you can order that online or lots of importing stores. How rare is the Swiss chocolate? It sounds like it's rare, Fletch. You can't just order that online. How rare?

It must have been very rare. I didn't know that rare chocolate existed. Yeah, they'd have to make a bit of it. We had a custody battle over the good blanket. Oh, okay. Maybe you can get another blanket. Yeah, maybe you can buy another one. That's the thing about blankets these days

What kind of good blanket was that It wasn't a mink blanket One of those like It's a holder Blankets still don't hold the value That they did 200 years ago Where you'd Go to a new land

And be like Look at this And everyone would be like Whoa Be like Swap you the North Island for it Yeah And they'd be like

Hmm Seems like a rip off Okay Two guns as well Guns What are guns These things Bang Island for it. And they'll be like, hmm, seems like a rip off. Okay. Two guns as well. Guns? What are guns? These things.

Bang. Two of them in a blanket, you got a deal. Yeah. That's definitely not a rip off. That is wrong. And then someone else is like, should you be speaking for all of us?

It feels like you're just speaking for everybody. I'm not that impressed by those things. I liked all of this other stuff we had. No, I've made the deal. Shit, sorry. Okay,

this won't come back to bite us in the ass. No. Somebody else said, it has been discussed just after hearing your conversation this morning

that if we ever break up, the dog is mine and my partner put up little resistance so now I'm angry at him for not caring about the dog more. They're not even breaking up.

I do not even love your dog, you asshole. Lou, I just take them. God, pain in the ass. You have to remember to feed them. That's another good thing about goats. But you keep acquiring more. I don't want more of them. I want the ones that can look after themselves and live in a paddock

and don't trap their muddy feet inside the house. Out there, that's where pets should live. I sure hope this pre-recorded laughing isn't after something inappropriate to laugh at, but I just want to take a moment to say thanks to Spark for sponsoring the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. You can grab Spark's $29 prepaid rollover packs and get stacks of extra value. Back to the podcast. Well, yesterday we woke up to the news that there is a Breaking Bad movie coming. Not only is it coming, it's already been filmed. And they kept that a secret.

How did they film it without anyone finding out? I don't know, because Vince Gilligan wrote it and directed it. And Aaron Paul reprises his role as Jesse Pinkman in it. No word if Bryan Cranston's in it. No. No other cast has been announced. And it will be on Netflix. So October 11 is when the Breaking Bad movie

will come out. It's titled El Camino, a Breaking Bad movie. How long is it going to take you to watch Breaking Bad if you haven't seen it to get in time for this movie? I want to start now. Five full seasons, 12 hour episodes? They're big hour episodes. They're long burners.

Yeah, okay. So 60 hours? I think I'd be inclined to watch the last season again. Yeah, at least. As a bit of a refresher. Yeah. Such a good show.

I'm kind of like a little worried though because it ended so perfectly and we've just gone through that whole Game of Thrones thing. Yeah. Which didn't end perfectly. And now like,

why would you... If it ends perfectly, leave it. Leave it. Yeah, like, why do we need this movie? Yeah. But you're being neggy and you leave it. Leave it. Leave it. Yeah, like, why do we need this movie? Yeah. But you're being niggie and you haven't even seen it.

No, he's been cautious. This is true. I'm being cautious. He's been hurt before. I've been hurt before by Game of Thrones. It hurt me. Even though they didn't do the movie. No.

So, yeah, the trailer just shows Skinny Pete in an interrogation room. I've got a little tiny bit of the trailer here. I don't know what to tell you. I ain't said, like, 500 times already. I've got a little tiny bit of the trailer here. Yeah, so he's protecting GC Pinkman. So we don't know if that is before or after the end. It's after the end. It's after the end. So probably not Bryan Cranston. But you know who said that he knew last week news was

the guy that plays Saul Goodman. His name escapes me right now. He said that it had been filmed and everyone was like, how does he know? He must be in it. And he could totally be in it, couldn't he? Not to spoil the breaking bad.

Brian Cranston will 100% be in it. You reckon? Without a doubt. I've just kept it a secret so it's a surprise. Well, the other major announcements over the weekend were from D23,

which is like a Disney fan event and Disney owns pretty much everything now. So we had Star Wars posters. We had Star Wars news about. And Disney Plus, the service that's coming, that's going to be like Disney's answer to Netflix. That's going to be available in New Zealand.

That hits the ground running in November with The Mandalorian, which is a Star Wars TV series that Taika Waititi directed a couple of episodes in and also stars in as an assassin robot, as a bounty hunter robot, and that looks amazing. And then they told you the release dates. We're getting another Black Panther movie in 2022.

Yes. There's going to be TV shows for She-Hulk, Moon Knight, and Ms. Marvel, which that's suspected for a while. She-Hulk? Yeah. Good stuff. Kit Harington is joining the MCU. He's going to be in the Eternals as Kit Harington. You'll know as

Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. Other announcements for that Eternals movie, which is the next big cast movie. The Black Widow. There was a little bit of a look at The Black Widow, which is Scarlett Johansson, but I think it's set before Avengers Endgame because, spoiler alert,

come on, it's out for digital download. Don't do it. You can do it now because I've watched it. Did you watch it? I watched it on the plane. Did you cry? No, why would I cry? Because you were in the plane as well. What? I watched it again on the plane and I got more upset after re-watching it on the plane.

Because it's the altitude. The altitude makes it real sad. You didn't get upset at all. You're not invested in that universe though. No, I'm just, yeah, I'm a last minute jump on board kind of guy. Yeah. Who did you ask your questions to? Because generally, you're always asking me. No, I was going to message you.

I was going to message Vaughn and be like, oh my God. Who's this? What, that guy? Why was everybody crying at this part? So yeah, there's heaps of amazing announcements from that event so you can read all about it online. I could literally sit here and talk to you about it for like three hours.

Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Have you guys ever been to a supermarket like real early in the morning, like a 24 hour one? No, I don't think so. No. Well, yesterday was my first time. So I landed into the country at like 3.30 in the morning.

And I was like awake. Yeah. And I was like just pottering around the house. I was like, I'm getting a bit hung. Getting a bit hung. No food in the house. Like nothing. Condiments.

And I was like, oh my God, there's a 24-hour supermarket nearby. It's like five, quarter to six in the morning. I'm like, I'm just going to go down and do the big weekly shop or a big shop for everything. And I was like, this is going to be weird because it's like, it's still dark outside. But there won't be anyone there. That's what you'd think. But it was actually like kind of busy.

Really? Like there was a group of guys walking around, spent like half an hour, bought a pack of biscuits. The beeper thing went off. I was like, should you check them? Oh, well. All right. You're saying they walked around for ages, suspiciously long to only have purchased one pack of biscuits.

Well, I was a little surprised. But I went around and did one of those shops, and they put road cones around the booze aisle, because you're not allowed to buy booze at, like, 6 o'clock in the morning. Oh, yeah. All these things, and the deli's empty. Like, they put covers over it. No one's at the deli.

So it's not fully functioning. When everything else was there. Like all your fruit and veg and your meats. What if you wanted 200 grams of champagne slice? You're out of luck for it. With your bottle of vino.

You're absolutely out of luck. So this was one of those shops where I needed everything. Everything. That would have been an expensive shop. It was. It started from the ground.

And then you justify it when you're leaving. No, it was expensive because I had to get dishwashing liquid. You know, essentials. And mouthwash and toothpaste. I, it was expensive because I had to get dishwashing liquid. You know, essentials. And mouthwash and toothpaste. I had to get everything.

I had to get everything. I had to get everything. Exactly. And then you get home and you unpack it all and you're like, there's still no food in this house. How did that happen? How did I just spend this much money and not have more food to eat? Yeah.

So it's super quiet and I'm just taking my time. You know, a little bit late because I've been on a plane, a little bit jet lagged. And I get to the checkout and I'm just like, I'm going to self-serve all this because I've got all the time, a little bit jet lagged, and I get to the checkout, and I'm just like, I'm going to self-serve all this, because I've got all the time in the world. Oh, my gosh. Oh, that would have been horrible,

because you would have had to have taken it out of the bagging zone. And I would have been like, I have my bags. And there was actually, to be honest, there was no one really around on the checkout. Exactly, that's why you don't go to self-service, because when it beeps, there's literally no one there to help you. There were people there, but I was like like I'm going to do this and I started packing it up. The guy came along, the person came

along and they're like oh do you want me to run all this through the checkout for you? And I'm like oh I've got all the time in the world. I'll do it, it's fine. And I don't like talking to people. You know I was just in that mood. I was just like let me do this. Because I used to play supermarkets when I was a kid. I know I've got this. I've got the skills.

When you scan it are you always like I know where the barcode is I'm going to be real like and I was a kid I know I've got this okay I've got the skills yeah when you scan it are you always like I know where the barcode is I'm going to be real like and then you're like I wonder if they look at me and like you've got checkout experience

but then sometimes you think you know where the barcode is and it's not damn it or it's in a crease and you've got to get the barcode out

but you're like it's part of the fun of doing it yourself and it was like six o'clock in the morning Megan did you ask did you ask yourself at the end if you had your one card? No. Bye-bye, sir.

Yes, thank you, sir. And I did have to get them over a couple of times because I put one of my bag, my backpack on and that was too heavy so they needed to thing it. Oh my God. I can't believe you. That's so much of a punish. I can't believe you were down for that.

Anyway, so it was like 200 and something dollars. Big shop. It was a big shop and I had all my bags. There are people listening with families being like that too. That's nothing. I can't believe you're down for that. So it was like $200 something. Big shop. It was a big shop and I had all my bags. There are people listening with families being like that too. That's nothing. I don't know. That's big for me. It's big for me. So I pay and I get my big bag on. I've got

three massive reusable bags all full and then I get like surrounded and the security guard's like, can I see your receipt? And I was like, surrounded. And the security guard's like, can I see your receipt? And I was like, why? I've just, bear in mind, I've just been on an 18-hour plane ride and I'm not in the mood to talk to people.

And I'm also not in the mood to be accused of shoplifting. Especially since those guys before you'd talk with the biscuits. Beeped with the biscuits and they joked and they didn't check their bag. And I'm like, why? And I just put the receipt in my bag and I'm carrying all this stuff. So I put it down. I'm like, why? And then he was kind of like weird.

And then the checkout supervisor was like, looked at it and was like, hmm. And I was like, hmm. I said, I just spent $250. What are you hemming about? And then he kind of walked away to like go get someone. And then the security guard walked away. And you ran. And I'm just standing there like, what's your problem?

Like, am I under arrest by the countdown police? Or like what? And he's like, oh, it was just, I was like, it was just what? He was like, I don't know, just items. And I guess he didn't want me to be doing it all myself. Like maybe he thought that I was skimming some stuff because I'd gone at like six in the morning. And I mean, they're just doing their job.

But I'm at the same time, I'm like, dude, I come here like every couple of days. I'm not going to. You might be skimming every couple of days. In their mind, this guy comes at 6 o'clock in the morning. He fills up a whole trolley. Yeah. He looks a bit wide because he's got the old sleepy eyes through the plane.

And they're like, what? Like, what did I do? Like, he's the receiver. I showed them again. I said, can I leave now? Like, what am I? He doesn't want to make eye contact. He's, like, not talking to anyone.

He's grunting in response. I had a big puffy jacket on because it was cold. Yeah, I mean, you looked shifty. And then I just, so can I go now? Are we cool? Like, he was like, yep. And I was like, cool, this is really weird. That'll take you for using self-service checkout.

I know, I should have just let him beep it all. Yeah. Rather than being accused. So I don't know, should I go back now? Like, what if I walk in and I get arrested? And your picture's on the door. Oh yeah, lucky shopper. Not falling for that one again. Not after last the door. Oh, yeah, lucky shopper. Not falling for that one again.

Not after last time. Hi, I'm the lucky shopper. Yeah, cool, just go sit over there. Yeah. How long do I wait? I don't know. So I don't even want to use the self-serve now. Like, I feel like I'm on a watch list.

Yeah, I think you probably are. Well, I'm only going in peak times when it's busy. Yeah, I go peak times. Which is ironic because they care less When it's busy Yeah I don't know They wouldn't let you Put a whole trolley

Through at rush hour Well no See I wouldn't put a whole trolley Through at rush hour Because that's not fair On other people But because it was so There should

No you don't bring A big trolley That's not fair On the general population You don't bring a big trolley Into self serve checkouts I just still find it weird That you knew

That was going to be major admin, but you're still like, yep. But I was just, it was so early and I had all this time, so I was like, why not? And I didn't want to talk to people. But then I ended up having to talk to people way more in a hated armed situation. You were accused.

Now, just before we get to this topic, Vaughughan I've had a text message in from your father Ian Smith What's he had to say? Jeez Vaughan's next topic of conversation sounds a bit personal Should I listen in? Hmm emoji He's getting good on the emojis

Looks like you had a great holiday by your photos Thanks Ian They were saying Ian doesn't text me I don't think he's got your number I want them to text me He Yeah mum and dad I was looking at them last night text me. I don't think he's got your number. Oh, I want them to text me. He, um, yeah, mum and dad, I was talking to them last night.

They said, oh, Fletcher's holiday looked a lot of fun. He went to a lot of the places in Croatia we went. Right. And I said, I bet he did some things in Croatia you wouldn't have. You didn't do. You didn't do. Mum's like, I don't want to know. We don't need to know about that.

What, like the sunset up at the castle? Yeah. They wouldn't have walked up there. No, they wouldn't have walked up there. No, no, no. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. No, so this is fine. It's fine.

You can listen. This is not too genital related. Well, it is. It's fairly genital centric actually. But Sade and I were driving because last week the girls were at school but we weren't at school and we were driving

and Sade said to me, when's your next back laser ring? Yeah. the girls were at school but we weren't at school and we were driving and she she said to me when's your next back lasering yeah because I'm getting my back lasered to keep the hair off

because it works amazingly we were just had previously been talking about how how to be honest because I'm getting the bum done as well and every time I fart

I think I've shit myself I'll just tell you I'll be open and transparent because when you've had hair between the cheeks, there's some grip there. Yeah. But now it's no hair. It's completely smooth.

I can't imagine what the grip's like. It's just a light grip. Right. But then when you fart and there's no hair there, the warmth goes through it and you're like, uh-oh. We get it. I've pooped, but you haven't. But it just takes a while for your brain to think you haven't shit yourself every time you fart.

So there we go. There's a little insight. Well, you're really opening up. How good it's working. And she's like, when's your next appointment? And I said, oh, it's in October. So September, October. By the way, you said that the regular lady's leaving.

This is what we talked about. No. This is how we got onto it. No, not another stranger. Yeah. That's going to seem a bum. So one woman has been cursed with having seen both Fletch and my anus. Yeah, that's awful.

Not at the same time. That's awful. No. That's still a title only my wife holds. So I know she's been through the ringer. So anyway, she's moving to Newport. She's been around the ringer, up and down and around. She's marked the ringer. So anyway, she's moving to Newport. She's been around the ringer, up and down and around.

She's marked the ringer. She's done the whole thing. So she's seen enough. She's moving. And this is what brings it up. This has happened to me before when my laser lady left. Because you got your Brazilian laser, didn't you? And that's done. Yeah.

So I see. I don't know. The new person, it freaks me out, a new person coming into this established relationship of really bearing all. Could you not leave in another couple of months? Because I'm nearly done. Are you nearly done? I think I'm nearly done.

I've got a few more treatments in there. That's a real weird introduction. So then I said to Sade, if you were getting a new person to come in, would you rather a complete stranger or someone that you know? So, I mean, this could be the same for a Brazilian or a lasering. Would you rather have someone you know, Megan, like a best friend? Like who? Like Ellie or Caitlin.

Caitlin. Nah. Because you remember Caitlin when you got your... Vajazzling. Vajazzling. You looked Caitlin. I did. So, there's a difference.

Great vagina, Megan. Thank you. Thank you. You looked, Caitlin. I did. Great vagina, Megan. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. There's a difference between just glancing upon at the vajazzle and... Being all up in there. And intimately examining. How is this for a poll result?

We asked on Instagram, who would you rather have lazy your bits? A close friend or an absolute stranger? 97% would rather have an absolute stranger. Yeah. But then I was thinking about it, the woman that's leaving, that we know, if we saw her out in the wild,

oh, I wouldn't like that. Because she's seen my bum. Yeah, I'd be like, oh, hey, but be a bit weird about it. But she's like, are you just thinking because as soon as she talks to you, she's just seeing

your bum in her head. Maybe. She would picture me more. She might see my face and be like, oh, hi. Sorry, I'm just used to seeing your bum.

Would she be out of line if she asked how your growth's going? No, that's her jurisdiction. Yeah, yeah, that's totally her area. They're very lovely people at Off and On.

They're very professional. Oh, no, they are. I just don't know who's next. Who's coming around the corner? Oh, yeah, that's totally her area. They're very lovely people at Offenheim. They're very professional. Oh, no, they are. I just don't know who's next. Who's coming around the corner? Oh, the new person. And maybe they're warning them. Do you chat beforehand or you just get in there and small talk? Do you think the girl leaving has a handover period where she's like,

okay, Carl Fletcher. It's a bit of a mess back there. I've seen some things. He needs a high reading on the zapper. Really upper zapping. Just really upper. And he, for some reason, giggles he loves it. But Vaughn winces a bit more.

He needs a lower setting. And he needs the ice packs. I don't know if this is some sort of handover period. You need ice packs. Not on the butt, but they always crank the ice. Maybe it's where the hair's a bit thicker, the shoulders. They really crank it in and then you get an ice pack afterwards. Like, just a little bit of a cooling pad.

Afterwards. Just texting your dad, how's that? Too personal? Question mark? See what he replies. Yeah, right. He probably would have tried it if he was a younger man, but the technology wasn't around. He's over 60 now, you're probably not going to bother, are you?

Yeah. The trouble is if it's your friend too. Sorry, I'm just going back to this. Oh, yeah, no, please. If you go out and you get a little bit tipsy or something, your friend might reveal dates. They'll just be like, ah, Vaughn's butthole is... Lopsided.

You have a lopsided butthole. It's just lopsided. It's not scented. When I thought of lopsided, I was actually referring like, I thought Megan had put herself in the position where someone got out her vagina and they might say it's lopsided. Right. But I'm not saying it is.

I'm just saying that is what someone might say out of the cone of silence. Right. Well, you've heard a review on mine. Thank you very much. It's not lopsw it's a little ske Like it's had a stroke. No. My vagina's not had a stroke. Oh, my God. I'm sorry, Megan.

Yes, this is my favourite rumour to start about Megan for ages. Oh, what a great game. Oh, I missed you guys so much. Did you? Okay, Bourne's making a gesture. This is I missed you guys so much. Did you? Okay, Vaughn's making a gesture. This is really tickled Vaughn. Oh, no, God. He's on the floor. He's on the floor.

This is good fun. There's been a hacking crime from space. a cyber crime, a cyberspace crime. The first ever crime committed in space. That sounds so futuristic, doesn't it? A cyberspace crime. So the basic premise, Anne McLean, who was an astronaut who was in space. I was so disappointed it was a chick. A former US Army pilot who

flew more than 800 combat hours during Operation Iraqi Freedom. Wow. We love being first females, but I'm not so much at that one. She joined NASA in 2013. Because it was that other, do you remember the other female, the high

profile female astronaut drove cross-country and she didn't want to have to stop so she wore a nappy so she wouldn't have to stop to go toilet. She could just wear in her pants. Now, what was she driving across country for? To see a lover? Ex-lover? She was the jilted ex-lover, right?

I remember that. That was quite high-profile. Wow. All the other female astronauts. All the other female astronauts. I was like, can you guys just come on? I did a spacewalk and fixed the solar panel today. No one's talking about it because you're all acting up.

Yeah, exactly. People are telling the crazy stories. Well, she has been accused of identity theft and improper access to private financial records. So what, she logged on to her ex's bank account online banking. It's amazing. Better 4G up there. They've got phenomenal internet and space.

Better than your rural broadband. I know, I go in my bedroom and shut the door and it's like one bar. Yeah, shut the toilet door and my house is like, no 4G in here. Can't load. I'm going to poo with the door open if you want to be messaging people. Yeah. Scrolling through your Instagram stories. So this will be, if found guilty, the first space crime. But I'd just be like, I was in space.

I know. I'd think like international waters, right? Yeah. International airspace. International space station. International waters. So the house you got caught was Summer, her ex, was getting an email saying you've logged on. You know when you log on somewhere different

and you get an email being like, hey, don't want to panic, yeah, but it's like the bank or your email or anything here, Facebook. Just noticed you're logged on from a new device. But was it like, are you just logging from International Space Station? Are you in the Pacific, South America, Indian Ocean, Russia? You just seem to be moving

around a lot. No, so she just said that it had been accessed and she was like, okay. So she contacted the bank for the details of the locations and one of the computers were registered to NASA. And at the time, she was on the International Space Station.

Wow. Her ex. Wow. So they were like, oh. So they. So it's, she knew the password. It's still a crime, isn't it? Yes. If you're logging on to someone else's stuff, but you know the password.

Yeah, because they're not together anymore. And they obviously doesn't have permission. Now, this was, the astronaut has admitted she did it. Now, this is the reason though. She said she wanted, and she was in space for six months. Yeah. She wanted to make sure that there was appropriate funds in the account to care for the child

that they'd been raising together. Oh, right. So she said it wasn't like nasty. No, but isn't that, you've got to leave that up to the responsibility of the other parent. You can't just snoop around in there. Yeah, unless there was previous incidents,

and I don't know this, there's not been said that maybe the kid had missed out on something due to money being spent on something else, and I don't want to speculate that that was the problem, but, you know, if you're in space. Which is a problem none of us are ever going to have to face. No, but if you broke up with an

ex, and you knew their password for something, would you have a look? I think if you broke up with them, no, because you don't care as much, but if you were broken up with, and there was a situation, even though it's illegal, you'd totally go on to Facebook Messenger for a start.

Maybe not bank accounts, because that seems more illegal. I think it's illegal You'd totally go on to Facebook Messenger For a start Maybe not bank accounts Because that seems more illegal I think it's all illegal Was it Snapchat when you logged on somewhere It logged you out of everything else? Because you know Facebook Messenger You could log on to one computer And they'll still stay logged in on their phone

And other computers But was it Snapchat if you logged on on your phone It would log you out of anywhere else you logged on Because if you logged on to the show one And I was logged in It would log you out Yeah, yeah, yeah was it Snapchat? If you logged on on your phone, it would log you out of anywhere else you would log on. Because if you logged on to the show one, and I was logged in, it would log you out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Still do that? Yeah, I'd assume so. So you'd know someone was on your Snapchat.

You'd know someone was on your Snapchat. Yeah. Interesting. But yeah. So, okay, here's a question. Has anyone done this? Who's logged into an ex's account? Any kind of account. We don't need a name. I mean, there'll be people

using Netflix accounts all over the show, Gary. Easy peasy. Because that's free Netflix and if they don't know, but then how is that any different to

going onto someone's email or? Yeah, because they're stuffing up your algorithm. Unless they've got their own profile, but if they've still got

a profile on your Netflix, silly you. And then you go in and it's like, continue watching. And you're like, I didn't start watching. No. And then it's like, hey, you liked cowboys who are also ninjas with Tyrannosaurus Rex arms. You're going to love this. Yeah.

Other made up movie. But surely, like, is that the same kind of illegal? Nah. Like, you've still got someone else's password. You're logging on to the Netflix. Is it the same? That's a little bit illegal. What about in the case of, like if I,

we've got those cameras that you can log on and look at your house when you're about. Say I moved out or I left or I got kicked out. The most likely of those three scenarios. If I still logged on to see the security footage of the house where I didn't live there. Absolutely. Because it's like surveilling people

who don't know they're being surveilled. I don't feel like either of those words, when you said that's surveilling, all I imagined were those little old surveillant family toys. Sylvanian. Sylvanian family toys. Okay, well, I want to take some calls. 0800

Niles at M 9696. What did you log onto of an ex's? Was it just to check some emails? Was it to see if they were... Messenger. Guaranteed. Or had moved on with someone else? Maybe you needed some closure? I mean, we don't need to use names here. I just want to know if anyone's actually done this. Yeah.

Or, um, their Google Maps. To see what addresses they've been punching up. Because it lists your recent addresses, doesn't it? Yeah, searches and stuff. Okay, well, 0800-9666. What did you log on to of an ex's? Or maybe you had this happen to you

and you found your ex snooping around. Talking about what you've logged into of your ex's. This is an astronaut has committed the first space cyber crime, logging into an ex's bank account while on the International Space Station. It's just amazing they have a great internet up there. Like that just blows my mind. They do the live streams and everything. Oh yeah, it's amazing.

I follow them on Instagram, great pics. I think it always goes through the NASA. It's a studio on the ground. Great pics in the studio then, great pics. I think it all has to go through the NASA. It's a studio on the ground. Great pics in the studio then. Love it. Hashtag great studio. Hashtag wonderful special effects. So we want to know what you've logged into of your exes.

Somebody said, I'm actually battling with this right now. I know my ex's Facebook password and it's taking all my willpower not to log on and go for a snoop. But as yet I haven't. You should, everyone in the world should have two-factor authentication on so that every time somebody new logs into Facebook,

you've got to get the text message or sent to another device because then otherwise you could lose your account. It's safety dad telling you to bloody all turn it on please. Remember that time you posted a Ray-Bans ad, Megan?

I had to tell you to turn that on, didn't I? The two-factor on your Instagram. Go two-factor. My friend still knew her ex's Instagram password. We logged in one night because he was a dirty dog and we saw he was messaging lots of chicks even though he was in a new relationship. But the funniest bit was his last search

was our friend's new boyfriend. Oh. Still keeping tabs. Still keeping tabs. Right. What do you do in that situation? Screen cap all the

dirty messages and send them to the new girlfriend from his account? Oh. But then you're It's a victimless crime. Is it though?

Well, no, no. Not really, no. Not at all. All right, we'll take some calls. Natalie, have you gone into an ex's account? Yes, I have. Natalie. What did you do?

We should point out at this stage, as we've said, that's illegal. It was, he deserved it. Bank accounts, Facebook, Instagram, anything I could get my hands on. It wasn't easy. Do you know the passwords? Basically, once you've got the email, and you can do forget password, everything gets sent back to that email. Ah, right.

Okay. So you'd read it, get the password, and then delete the email? Yeah. Yeah. And then change all the passwords just so he couldn't get back in.

You changed them as well. Right. Rightio. And did he hit you up about this? Like, you'd be the first person he thought would do that? No, he never said anything about it. I mean, he probably knew it was me.

But I mean, it was just me checking up because, well, we'd broken up, but he had been cheating on me throughout our marriage and stuff like that. And so I just went in there to see what he was doing with our money because no child support was coming through and things like that. Oh, no. Oh, wow. Yeah. Wait, was coming through and things like that. Oh no. Oh wow. Yeah. Wait, was he in space? I wish.

But not in a space suit or on the International Space Station. I just wish he was in space. Thanks you, Natalie. Chris, you signed into an ex's account? No, my ex actually signed into mine and she sold eight grand out of my savings that I had put away for bad twice seasons. Oh my God.

Yeah, yeah, and I've been now fighting for three and a half years to get it back, but I've had no luck no luck and it cost me more than what the money was worth. So it would have been obvious that she'd done it because it would have been transferred into her bank account, right? Yes, that's correct, yes. So how is... I can't go into too much more detail, but I was actually away from work and the bank rang me up and said, Oh, you've transferred eight grand. And I said, no, I haven't. And so they traced it back.

But for some, they could actually get it back. She actually had drawn it all out. So, yeah, that's nothing that they could do. How does that take three years? I'd be so angry. Surely the police could. I mean, it's obviously an ongoing situation. Like you said, you probably can't see too much.

I'm blown away. I don't know much but oh yeah pay it back 50 cents a week for the rest of their life. Yeah. Oh, good luck, Chris. That sucks. You have to live a long time to pay it back at that rate. So probably take from that, if you do break up with someone and they know your internet banking password, change it. Yeah. Change all your passwords, especially if you've cheated on them.

Somebody said, it's not my ex, but I knew my brother's password, and I'd log on to my brother's Messenger and sell information to my parents, but, of course, blackmail him first. Brilliant. MSN messenger. Yeah. Well or just Facebook messenger. Oh right. Oh okay you're right. Well yeah cyber crimes back in the early 2000s they were a hot topic.

You could get away with it then because there were no laws. No. No laws had been used. Somebody else said is it technically logging in if he just saved all of his passwords on my computer

and now he doesn't live with me anymore but my computer still remembers his passwords? Well, I don't think you're going to be able to convince a judge if it goes to court.

No, you want to get one of those old easily confused judges. What's the court Wi-Fi? Yeah. I'll let you off if you help me connect to the Wi-Fi. Because I've got no bloody idea what's happening with these things. So it's happening.

Fact of the day, from a science paper called Population Bottlenecks and Pleistocene. It looks like plasticine, but there's a few more bits in it. Pleistocene, human evolution. Okay. This is molecular. Okay This is Molecular Molecular Molecular

Molecular There we go Biology and evolution Okay This is from Oxford Academy This isn't Mucking about champ This isn't a polytechnic

This is really Hey I went to a polytechnic We all did Technically we all did Yeah Exactly Look at us Yeah I'm a I wouldn't come to ask for molecular.

Don't even know what the polycysticine word means. So basically, this study looked at the range of DNA in humans. Yeah. And through a study of DNA that I don't know too much about, but they worked out that about 200,000 years ago, the human population got down to 8,800 humans.

Meaning, if that was the current numbers, we'd be on the endangered species list. Yeah, we would be. Cool. Yeah, it dipped down. So they said that all of the DNA and everything and our genetics comes from the fact that at one stage we were very small.

They don't know what caused it to get small. Okay. Before it ballowed out again. Anti-vaxxers probably. Yeah, stick around if you're one of the lucky 8,800 that survived the measles epidemic that's currently rampaging through and other diseases oft thought eliminated due to scientific advancement in vaccines.

They'll all be coming back in full force. 200,000 years ago, the internet empowered just everyday people with the kind of medical knowledge they needed to not vaccinate their children. Yeah, yeah. Oh, what medical school did you go to? The internet. Yeah.

I was a Facebook post from an influencer. Oh my God. When you put it like that, it's very upsetting, isn't it? Get that needle out of your arm, champ. Let's fight mumps the old-fashioned way. Walking around for months being like, yeah, mum and dad, I've got mumps. The bottom half of your face is so extremely heavy

but then of course I guess there was some fornicating a lot to go from 8,800 to 7.4 billion

Megan it's fair to say there's been some fornicating yeah there has been yeah we were in cages and like the gorillas

were like hey you guys really you're endangered you need to like yeah it's a human breeding program with the local gorilla zoo. People would come from all around to see the humans. And then Doc would take us to an island and release us out of a crate.

Yeah, hoping there were no rats there. Well, we've done well. We'd walk out and just get eaten by a rat, which were much larger 200,000 years ago. So today's fact of the day is about 200,000 years ago, humans would have been on the endangered species list. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Day. Day.

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Day. Day. Day. Day. Day. Day. Day. Day. Day. Day. Day. Day. Day. Day. Day. Day. Do-do-do-do-do. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. ZM, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, 20 to 9. What? 20 to 9. I thought you said 20-ma-9. 20 to 9. I heard 20 to 9.

20 to 9. Okay. Some of us need a couple of drinks. Dad needs some hearing aids. It's been hard. See, whiskey in that new drink bottle. Into the swing of things. Woo!

When you went to Bali, did they serve you the legit alcohol or the rip-off methanol stuff? I don't know. I never went anywhere that methanol. He's a little bit deaf and a little bit blind. Hashtag Bali life, Lena. I know. You've just been living the bliss life.

Bliss life. You're not hearing me say it's 2029. Amazing how much of your sarcasm is translated through just a picture when you put it up on Instagram. It's a gift, Megan. You couldn't go to Bali and live a bliss life. You had to be sarcastic.

Yeah. Well, you take your sarcasm with you. Yeah. Very true. You can't leave it at home. And neither can my wife. She has to take me sarcasm with you. Yeah. Very true. You can't leave it at home. And neither can my wife. She has to take me everywhere. I know.

So what was I talking about? Oh, I was going to start talking. Yeah. Here begins the starting of talking. Snorted. So apart from we just had some time off. Which you wouldn't have known because we recorded it like we were here. Oh, we get it.

It's 20 to 9. Now it's 19 to 9. Hurry up. So what happened was we went away for one week, but then my other week I had one goal. Yeah. And it was to finish the chicken house, to finish the chicken cook. Your life is so exciting.

That was my goal for the week off. So slow start. Weather was against me. Yeah. But built the chicken boxes first of all, the nesting boxes, which you guys have laughed at me for because apparently chickens never lay eggs where you want them to. I love that you're like, lay it here.

Like you're going to be like, name the doors of the chicken box and be like, this is where you should lay it. With an arrow. Lay an egg here. They don't work like that. They lay eggs where they want. I read some how to make a kaiji home for your chickens, tips on how to, like, encourage them,

and you put, like, fake eggs in the nest. Doesn't work either. And then they follow the cool chicken. So if you see the cool chicken laying eggs somewhere they shouldn't be laying eggs, you say, cool chicken. How do you know? How do you know which one's the cool chicken? It's got a little skateboard.

Well, it's got sunglasses and a skateboard. And it's smugging a cigarette. It's vaping nowadays? It's got sunglasses and a skateboard. And it's smoking a cigarette. It's vaping nowadays. It's vaping. Vaping. Vaping chicken. It's like, yeah. Just vaping a little bit.

So then I made the nesting boxes. That was something I could do inside with the weather against me. So that got completed. Nesting boxes made. And then I had to finish the outside chicken area, the run, if you will, because I want them to have a lot of space. So that involved building a large fence. I'll send you photos of this fence.

I'm pretty stoked on the fence. You've gone overboard with this whole thing. Facebook memories today told me nine years ago today I made a compost bin. Right. I'm on the board with this whole thing. Facebook memories today told me nine years ago, today I made a compost bin. Right. I'm stepping up my game. Where am I going to be in nine more years? Building skyscrapers? Probably.

Doubtful. So the chicken, now I'm happy to confirm the chicken coop is complete. Now you just need chickens. Purchased. Just purchased just now. Confirmed. How many? Eight. Eight chickens. Chicken.com? Where do you get chickens? Trade me. Chickens. Oh, right. Purchased Just purchased just now Confirmed How many? Eight

Eight chickens Chicken.com? Where do you get chickens? Trade me Chickens Oh right But have you met them? What if they're manky?

Are they babies? They're What is described in the chicken community As pullets Which is Chickens that aren't babies But aren't yet laying eggs These are about

16 to 18 weeks old These ones So how do you know They're gonna lay eggs? Well, you don't, Megan. But if they don't, I can tell you they won't be staying around. They'll be in the crock pot. Yum.

But then I know the specific chickens you buy to lay eggs. Yeah. Right. Don't have a lot of meat on them. But, you know, still make the most of everything. Because we had chickens growing up and there were so many eggs. And you know I love eggs. Well that's the thing. I'll be waiting for you to bring them

to work and I will take them all home. Well I did the calculations of how many eggs I would need to feed my family. How many chickens I would need to produce eggs. And it was only like two or three chickens. But I was like, this is far too nice an area for only two or three. One percent is to move into. Eight.

Eight. Oh, brilliant. Don't they lay an egg a day? Yeah. So I'll bring in eggs. You're going to be that annoying person at work, has anybody got any egg cartons? Bring them in and leave them on Sue's desk.

And I'll see what I can do about having a word to the chickens about making you some eggs. So are you sticking with the H theme of naming these chickens? No. What are you going to name? No, because I don't want to use all the H names on animals

that I'm imagining aren't going to be much of a personality. No, you can't name, you shouldn't name chickens. The chickens are getting named after the Kardashians. Yeah. How many Kardashians are there?

Kendall, Kylie, Kim, Khloe, Kanye. Oh, but you've got kids now. Kanye, give me one of them. Kanye, Kardashian. I'm not even going to Rob. Rob's going to probably be my favourite. No, because they're all girl chickens. Caitlyn.

Are you counting the Jenners? Oh, you are counting the Jenners. Yeah, Kylie, Kendall. So there's eight. But then Sade said they've all got nicknames, like Kiki, Coco, Kai Kai. Like, I'll probably go with nicknames. You should get them some little Pandora necklaces.

Why? Like some, I don't know. Oh, so I can tell which one's which. Yeah. Oh, I thought you were meaning for like an Instagram influencer thing. Oh, no, that too, yeah. The chickens aren't going to be influencers. Because, you know, yeah, just like a little charm on their neck.

Or like a collar. Yeah, a little collar. A little charm collar. So I can tell who's who. Yeah. Or like a foot at anklet. Anklet. There we go.

Different coloured things around the foot. That's a great idea. Could you use cable ties? That might be a good idea. No. Jewellery. Like a proper anklet. Look, Blaine, a chicken's a bloody anklet.

Go and do an influencer deal with Michael Hill or someone. Do a rainbow loom one. Propose to the chickens. Yeah. Here's a completely unstaged engagement photo of me and my chicken. Oh my God, I had no idea it was coming. But there's a photographer here and obviously I had a 100% idea that this was coming. Yeah.

Oh my God, my surprise engagement. Hashtag. Anyway, we've had our fun. There's chickens anyway. I'll put some photos up when the chickens move in. Great. All right, it's 14 to 9.

Four million to mine. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint to listen to subscribe on the I heart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, music lives here.

ZM.