ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - August 27 2018

Episode Date: August 26, 2018

Fletch heard something that shocked him, Community Notices and when did you put off going to the doctor?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. You can stay connected with free Wi-Fi a gig a day on the $19 Spark prepaid rollover pack. Enjoy. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Good morning. Happy Monday. Good morning. It is a Monday, that is correct.

As far as the week goes. Yeah. I was just reading, here's some sad news. Okay. This is just something I just saw. Giraffe, the giraffe population has gone down 40% since 1990. There are now fewer giraffes than elephants in the African wild. What are you signed up to see that?

Like, where did that just pop up? No, it just popped up in a scroller down sort of a news. Right, okay. Where was that in the news? Is that? Anya. Sorry. Terrible news.

Is it our fault? Put that in the news next hour instead of the Pope and all those fiddlers. Put that in there and see. Well, he's apologised. No, I'm not wrong, Megan. Fiddlers. In Ireland, two types of fiddlers. Yeah, in there. Well, he's apologised. No, I'm not wrong, Megan. Fiddlers. In Ireland, two types of Fiddlers. The bad type he's talking about and the ones that play the violin. Yeah, put that one in.

40,000 giraffe parts were imported to the US over the last decade, apparently. What? So humans are trading in giraffe parts. What? Like, what? I don't know. I've never heard of any giraffe parts. What? What? Like, what? I don't know. I've never heard of any giraffe parts. Like, you hear of, like, you know, like, ivory parts from, like, the tusks of elephants.

I don't want giraffes. But I've never heard of, like, giraffe parts. Is it what happens if your giraffe fails a warrant of fitness and you need a new giraffe neck? A spare neck. It says giraffe parts sales are booming in the US and it's still legal. But what do they use them for? Okay, so the most common products were giraffe hide boots,

knives made from giraffe bones and they also found giraffe rugs, furniture and giraffe skin Bible covers. Which ties us nicely back in to the Pope in Ireland. Bible covers. Should be apologising for covering Bibles in nicely back in to the Pope in Ireland. Bible covers. Fiddlers with giraffe bars for giraffe Bible covers.

He should be apologising for covering Bibles in giraffes. That's nasty. Here you go. Oh, that's a horrible way to start the show, isn't it? That's a real downer, Vaughan.

Actually, don't put that in the news. Yeah, that was a downer. That was bad enough, wasn't it? At least your Bible looks so flat. God, that's awful. But then to bring it back around,

nothing in this for the people listening, just for everyone in the studio, here's a cliff that looks like a medium-rare steak. It does. That does look like a medium-rare steak. Someone took a photo of a cliff and it looks like a perfectly cooked medium-rare steak. I'm in a good mood now.

Yeah, me too. Aren't we all? That's what the internet's like, eh? Oh, my God, I'm shooketh. Ha-ha, medium rare steak. Thing. A cliff that looks like a steak. Ha-ha, bad thing. Ha, good thing.

All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Three news headlines for story time. Unusual, weird, funny, quirky, sometimes sad news stories. Vaughan and Megan must pick one. Headline one, stuck in traffic. LA drivers make the best of a bad situation. Headline two, Paul Flart, mall cop fired.

And headline three, exceptional find. So I know too. Okay. Paul Flart Moorcop is the guy you may have seen the video last week. He documented his farts at work for six months. Every time he could feel a fart coming on, he'd put his phone onto selfie mode and rip out the fart and give himself a little, like a little reaction.

He did it for six months. And I don't know why. And it went viral. The video was very appealing to watch. This chubby lad with this weird little moustache and a security shirt doing rippers and being like, hmm, and reacting to them. His bosses didn't take too kindly to his work.

Did he? Yeah. Well, he was spending all of his time at work farting, Megan. Well, it looks like a lot when it's collated into six months, like six months worth of farts. But like, smokers, you know? True. They get way more time than us, don't they, smokers? This is why we slack off so much.

People that take longer in the toilet because they're busting at a couple of candy crushes. That's all of these things. They just didn't document it. All evens up. Yeah. So what were the other two? Because I got caught on flat.

Stuck in traffic. LA drivers make the best of a bad situation. Or egg-ceptional find. I kind of want to know. You're going to say one. Yeah, I was going to say one. I was going to say three. Because there's been the story of the,

is it the sucking on the feet? Oh, it's nothing like that. Oh, it's not as exciting as that? No, it's not. Oh, okay, three. I'm happy to go for three then. Not like that couple that got found. Yeah, that was disgusting. I was really hooning on them toes, eh? It really grossed me out. Um, okay.

Oh, right. Okay, I've just a couple of words have popped out of the story that I'm wearing. You didn't know they were there? Did they just caught your eye? They've got to be interesting words. You open it up and your eyes are drawn to it. It's like they say when you look at a word finder,

the first word that jumps out at you says something about you. Okay. Well, I'll just kind of dance around a few words. A Dutch man had to be rushed to hospital after he took a drug with his partner. Okay. What drug was it? Well, I don't know. Some kind of chemical drug that people take. Some kind of chemical drug that people take.

They call it a chemsex drug. I don't know what a chemsex drug is. Show me the Google. I don't know. Chemsex drug. Well, anyway, he had to be rushed to hospital because he took this with his girlfriend and then put 15 hard-boiled eggs into his body.

In his baton. In his baton. Shells or unshells? Like, would they have a shell on them or not? I don't know. I hope they weren't shelled. You hope they weren't shelled. I mean, were,

because there's a real risk they were hard-boiled. No, because I'm of two opinions on it because if it was hard-boiled but had the shell had been taken off, I can answer your question. You could probably squeeze it out.

I can answer your question. And it would be softer. But if the shell was in there, it could crack and do some real damage. Go on, go ahead. This story appeared in the Dutch magazine, Healthcare, which I'm assuming goes around to doctors like a medical journal

just to keep up the latest developments of people putting eggs into them and, you know, weird medical mysteries. He did peel them. Oh, thank God. They were individually peeled. See, again, we're talking about this. I wouldn't have gone to the doctor. I would have given it three days.

No, he started feeling some intense stomach pain. And so he said he had to go to his hospital. And of course, the drugs were making him skid out a bit as well. Two questions. Yeah. Were they free range? And what size were they? Were they a mixed grade or seven-6s, 5s?

15 of them you said, eh? Yeah, I'd say they'd have to be 5s or 6s at the very max. But yeah, they took x-rays and had the x-rays back. Were they posting the x-rays online? No. That would have been... Yeah, they have. This one's a video.

I don't know what... Okay, so... Again, lost on the radio, though. Just for interest of education as to what chemsex drugs are, apparently it's a cocktail of three different drugs, which is dubbed the unholy trinity. Right. They are mephrodrone, or known as meow meow on the streets.

Right. GHB, or GBL. Right. That's the same one, apparently. And methamphetamine which we all know. That's crystal meth. It's all a horrible concoction. A horrible cocktail there. I guess this story's a warning to us all.

Don't do drugs because you'll put eggs into your bottom. Yeah. Sex just wasn't enough. He really needed the eggs. 15 of them. Imagine that like talking, talking too. Like your dad, you know when your parents catch you doing something you shouldn't when you're a teenager and the boy's got, like, some examples?

Yep. They're like, oh, you're caught with drugs. Next thing you'll be shoving boiled eggs up your ass. And you're like, what? I read it. I heard it on the New England radio. Drugs. He had 15

hard-boiled eggs up his ass not my boy not my boy I'm not going out of the pub and having everybody look at me

after that story comes out not my boy I'm dad I'm dad crikey dick I was smoking a bit of weed

wasn't putting anything up my bum I love you son I love you too dad you're a bitch this is not what you want to hear if you had a big weekend drinking. But there is a global alcohol consumption survey that's been done. This is like, this is huge. Okay.

So they have studied, they used 694 studies and used 592 other, wait, so there's a lot of studies, plus 28 million, this is 28 million people. Okay. Between 1990 and 2016 in 195 countries. So it's massive over a long period of time. This doesn't sound like good news coming up, Megan. It's not. Okay.

So they've found that, you know how there's always research that comes out that says a glass of wine a day, red wine is good for you. Red wine is good and then it's not and then a glass a week. And wasn't there something about beer, like there's good properties in beer that could actually be okay? Oh, like good vitamins

or something? A couple a week or I don't know, something. There's always varying degrees. Well, this study has found that no amount of alcohol is good for you. Not even one a day? No. It said previous studies have found the protective effect of alcohol on some conditions, but they found that the combined health risks associated with alcohol increase in any amount is bad for you. So basically, with any kind of alcohol, it increases the combined health risks.

So even though it might be sort of protecting one condition, the combined health risks altogether are just not good on your body. It's also pretty scary that between the age of 15 to 49, there was 2.8 million deaths due to premature mortality. Worldwide? Yeah. That's 15 to 49. Because of drinking? Yeah.

Wow. That's young. Yeah, but... We'll just cross now to the person that has a drink a night. A, gotta know something B like overpopulation

C how you're supposed to forget just take the edge off a date how you're supposed to just take the edge off life

you know yeah but then you see an old person hits 100 and they're like what's your secret and then he's like

lollies and eight whiskeys a day. But it's the genetics that are offsetting that. Like, that's down to genetics. Yeah. Genetically, some people can just probably drink only alcohol and live to 120. But the Queen loves a drink. She's a G&T.

She loves a G&T. She has a couple at lunch, doesn't she? And one in the afternoon. But a G&T is pretty low in calories and stuff Like low in sugar It's a healthier drink No it's not the tonic The G is but the T isn't She needs a gym

A diet I always get the sweeps diet No because that's got heaps of sodium in it She needs a soda A soda Oh no gin and soda. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck.

So, yeah, they're just saying to governments that they should advise people to, like, stop drinking altogether. Oh. Well, I mean, it's up to you. Thank you. I don't know what it is. It is. It's your choice, isn't it? It's like when they go to the doctor and they tell you all these things and you're like, meh.

But it's like when you do a dry July, you do a stint with no drinking. It's quite amazing when you wake up at the weekend and you feel good, eh? It's like, wow. This is what this feels like. But I wake up feeling good. You have a drink at night, you wake up feeling all right. Yeah, okay. But do you know you could feel better?

How much better? Yeah, you could feel better. I don't think I could. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Okay. The Bledisloe Cup over the weekend. We won that again. 16th consecutive year.

Owlboy. Bowdoin Barrett. What is the Owlboy? Well, he's Owlboy, yeah. You're not from the NACI. You can't say that. Oh, no, it's not because of that. It's because of the Panasonic TVs.

Because I want one of the TVs. How good, like, there was a, after he scored all those tries, there was a Panasonic ad where he scores the try. I was like, yeah. Good placement. Great timing. Loving that tonight. They must have given him more than a 65-inch TV.

Oh. I'll tell you that much. Well, he gave a lot of his. Well, it's bigger. 70? 70? 70? 75? 75?

Do you know, it's a 90-inch TV. It's too big. You know that I could fit that in my lounge. You could. You know I could fit it in my lounge. You could. I've got a big wall.

You could. Yeah, but you'd sit right in front of it. Good. I'll move my couch back or just be real close up to it. Don't be bloody stupid. No, it's not stupid. Is it stupid? It's not stupid.

It is stupid. It's a wise investment. There is such a thing as too much TV. I'm getting an IMAX. I'm getting an IMAX screen. Yeah, and every time you go to watch a TV, it does that intense loud thing where it goes, vroom, shh.

Were you just watching the news? And it's like, yeah. Welcome to Fletch Hoyt Cinema 1. Please take your phone off. Don't tell me what to do. We're about to watch the news. And Dolby. So we won that one again for the 16th consecutive year.

We've won the Bledisloe Cup. Well, I mean, I haven't done anything in any of those years. We'll claim it, though. Yeah. I watched the first half this time. Then the kids got tired, so we went home from the RSA. So the top six things Australian teenagers have been part of and seen instead of Australia winning the Bledisloe.

Because you could be sixth then in Australia and you've never known them to have won the Bledisloe. So you could be driving a car. Yes. Wow. Yes, you could. Number six. I just really want to get this in there. As an Aussie teenager, instead of winning the Bledisloe, you would have also witnessed Lisa Carrington winning six successive world championship golds in the K1200 event. Yes. Overnight. Another victory. She's ripped, man. Oh, so ripped. Then jumped out of the canoe with herself and jumped in with three others and then we're like, let's do this. And led them too. Is it a kayak or a canoe?

Did I say a kayak, canoe? No, you said canoe. Isn't it a kayak? It's a kayak, I think, isn't it? What's the difference? One's open A or the other's pointy? It's got a pointy end. One's a bright green that you sit on top of and your mum's like,

put your life jacket on. No, canoe. Canoe. You do kayaking in a canoe. Is that right? No, canoe. Canoe. You do kayaking in a canoe. Is that right? No, but then that's canoeing. She's a flat water canoer. Canoer.

No, she's a kayaker. I'm looking at the internet. She's reading the bio, mate. I'm sorry, Megan, the internet's always right, isn't it? More often than not than you. Oh, my God. Her birthday's the same day as yours. Is it?

Yeah. The 23rd of June. What have you done with your life? Nothing. You haven't rode anything. She's a lot younger than you, though. Well, that's worse. No, I mean like...

It always makes me feel worse when someone's younger than me and an accomplishing great thing. Training would be hard at his age. Oh, I'm going to have to reach out next year. We'll have to do a joint canoe party. A joint canoe birthday party. You'd be like a person on a tandem bike. You'd be like, you go in the front, Lisa. Do all the work.

She'd be like, are you rowing? You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Paddling, I think they call it. Yeah. Is this a canoe or a kayak? I don't know. She'd be like, get out. Number five on the list of the top six things

Australian teenagers have seen instead of Australia winning the Bledisloe. Number five on the list of the top six things Australian teenagers have seen instead of Australia winning the Bledisloe, all six seasons of Game of Thrones so far. Ooh, yes. Not to mention Breaking Bad and every other great TV show that had its run in the last 16 years. You've got news in Spy today

about the new season of Game of Thrones, don't you, Megan? Yeah, it's not entirely good news. Okay. Oh, dear. Number four on the list of the top six things Australian teenagers have seen instead of Australia winning the Bledisloe, every generation of iPhone. Okay. Oh, dear. Number four on the list of the top six things Australian teenagers have seen instead of Australia winning the Bleeders' Low.

Every generation of iPhone. Wow. Every generation of iPhone. But not a Bleeders' Low Cup win. Nope. Wow. That's so long ago. I know.

Number three, the rise of kombucha. I mean, it's been around for thousands of years, Vaughn. Look exactly what I wrote down. But, Vaughn, it's been around for thousands of years, Vaughn. Oh, look exactly what I wrote down. But Vaughn, it's been around for thousands of years. I predicted what you were going to say. I predicted what you were going to say. Of course I'm going to say that. Of course I'm going to say that.

And look what I wrote after it. Shut up. Good stuff. It's like your mum and dad having the same argument, eh, when you go and visit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go. Write the script on this one. You just sit back, watch it happen.

Yeah. And that really freaks them out when you say what one of them is going to say just before they say it. Number two on the list of the top six things Australian teenagers have seen instead of Australia winning the Bledisloe, the 2004, the 2008, the 2012, and the 2016 Olympic Games.

Some of which were in Australia. No, the first one, the 2000, just before they were born. Oh, was it? Okay, okay. In fact, some of them might be Sydney Olympic babies. Like, celebrating.

Oh, yeah, wow. Celebrating mum and dad like, Great all the medals, love. Shall we do sex? Shit, yeah. Get on me, Craig, and give it to me. Get on me, Craig. Yeah, like a gold medalist.

And that flat water kayaking or whatever. Yeah. Get on me, Craig. Get on me, Craig. Yeah, you're going whatever. Yeah. Get on me, Craig. Get on me, Craig. Get on me, Craig. Yeah, you're going to. Okay. We get how it's going here for Craig. You're going to lie there.

It's going to be over in a couple of minutes. Oh, you hunk of man. Number one on the list of the top six things Australian teenagers have seen instead of Australia winning the Bledisloe. They have witnessed Sydney median house prices go from an expensive but affordable $447,000 to an outrageous $1.4 million Australian dollars. Wow. For the Sydney median house price.

That's how much it's changed. And that time. That is today's top six. Fletch. Vaughan. And Megan. The podcast. It's bad news today because we've heard it before,

but it's getting even more dire. By 2050, we will have no more chocolate. We are in a major chocolate crisis. 32 years. Yeah. 32 years. Hopefully within our lives. Like, unless we die prematurely.

Well, no, but you know what will get us before then? The rising sea level. Yeah. Probably. But is that what's going to happen? Is it a climate change thing? Because surely it's not the dying out of the plant, because you just insure that by planting.

More? More. Well, they said chocolate producers are struggling, so it's a delicate plant, and yeah, it is the climate, and it needs rainforest, it's you know like generally produced in poorer countries but because the demand is so high and they're struggling

to produce it especially in this climate it's literally an uphill battle so like you say just produce more but they are struggling to maintain optimal growing conditions is what it says. That's bad news.

Not what we need for a Monday. And if it's going to be too hard for them, then they'll just stop, right? Well, yeah, if they're not making any money out of it, you'd plant something. You'd make... Cocaine. We joke, but that's what they...

Yeah, it's a lot easier for them to make more money from that. But then with global warming happening, or climate change and everything becoming a little bit warmer, would it soon be more nations could get on board with growing the cocoa? Oh, yeah. The cocoa plant. The cocoa plant.

Because Ivory Coast is apparently a big producer of cocoa, but they've had to take out their whole, they had 100,000 hectares, but it was all contaminated by swollen shoot plant virus. Oh, that's the other thing too. So it's a virus that's spreading. If you go too intense with your types of plant, like if it's all just cocoa plant everywhere and the virus gets in, it can spread through the whole lot unless there's like buffer farms growing something else.

What about like, because I'm a white chocolate connoisseur. Well, you don't even have chocolate. Well, that's the thing. And people are like, because I'm a white chocolate connoisseur. Well, you don't even lie on it though. Well, that's the thing and people are like, it's not real chocolate. It's not real chocolate. It's milk though. But it's going to end up

winning chocolate survivor, isn't it? It is. It's going to be the ultimate survivor. Because it doesn't need the cocoa. Good. Well, I'm happy then. I don't mind. I mean, I like a milk chocolate, but...

Can we not grow chocolate here? Like cocoa? I know chocolate doesn't grow on trees. That's a good question. It mustn't be hot enough. No, it's not consistently tropical enough. You have to be near the equator. Within those tropics of Cancer and Capricorn,

those light... You know the equator's right in the middle and then it's like belt? Yep. You've got to be within the belt. You've got to be within that belt. What about Pisces? Can you grow it if you're a Pisces?

No, no. Well, Leo, we can do everything. You've got to be within the belt. What about Pisces? Can you grow out a few of Pisces? No, no. Well, Leo, we can do everything. We'll do it gladly. Good news for Pisces is an opportunity will present itself this week when you least expect it. Fletchbourne and Megan's Community Notices. Hello and welcome to Community Notices, a segment where we have a look at what's happening around the country according to local Facebook pages. These sorts of community

buy, sell, trade pages. Let's start at the Wairarapa Online Garage Sale where Jaga, I'm assuming is a Facebook alias, writes, hey there, any tattooists keen to make some money? I'm sure most tattooists

aren't. It's a business, isn't it? You'll have to be able to come to Featherston as I'm on home D. Ha ha. An at-home service. An at-home service. Yeah. Yeah, you want your tattooist to come to you. Yep.

Hopefully it's not an ankle tattoo. It's a tattoo around the bracelet. It's a bit hard to move the bracelet, isn't it? Yeah. You don't want to take it off for tattooing. It'll set the alarm off. You'll probably get yourself a few extra days. Yeah.

On bracelet. Which is what I've heard it called for tattooing. It'll set the alarm off. You'll probably get yourself a few extra days. Yeah. On bracelet. Which is what I've heard are called under tension. On bracelet. I'm on bracelet. On bracelet. I'm on bracelet. This one from the Christchurch Buy, Sell and Trade page. This is not your typical buy, BNS, buy and sell.

I bought a cup of coffee, which is being held at Starbucks at the moment. And if you're a single female, it'd be perfect for you to have for free. But when you go to pick it up, I could meet you there and we could have one together. PM. PM me.

I'm feeling hopeful. Cheesy. Oh my God, is that working on you? No. God. Oh, I just saw your face, Megan. It looked like it was working on you.

No. Oh, okay. But then lots of people say, hey, best of luck. Would that it was working on you. No. Oh, okay. But then lots of people say, hey, best of luck. Would that work for you, Caitlin? No. No, thank you. What if it was a Frappuccino?

Pass. Or what if it was a nice coffee? An in-summer Frappuccino, I'd do it. Yeah. Is it grande? I need grande or large?

It's large. Extra large. I can get a couple of my gay friends to do anything for a nice coffee, so you want to be careful. He said a single female, but a couple of these guys,

they would bloody bend over backwards for a nice trapper. I don't know where they're bending, but that's all right. Or forwards. They love it. All right, so good luck. Good luck to you down there. This one's an interesting one. Does anyone know of a chiropractor for cows in the Bay of Plenty?

Oh. I think one of our girls has a hip that's a bit out of alignment after carving. Thanks in advance for any recommendations. Now, this is an example. Dairy farmers get a hard rap. I saw a story over the weekend. It's like dairy farmers steal the babies off the mothers to keep their industry going. And it was all this stuff.

Right. And people are like, boo, dairy farmers. You're the worst. But then look at this lovely lady. She's looking for any means possible to put her cow back in, you know, in peak performance. In good shape. In good shape, yeah. Good shape, be able to walk around without any pain.

That's really sweet. Bit of a bung hip after giving birth. I get that. I've never seen the free chiropractor at the mall doing a free check up for cows. For cows.

To lure them in and get some business. Yeah, how do you just kind of get that back in alignment? Do they have to go to physio? Well, imagine, because you know

where they crack your back. Cracking a cow. Yeah, it'd be hard to pick up a cow and crack its back. You'd stand the cow there, you'd get your elbow and you'd be like,

well there's your problem, Daisy. Just hold on, I'm just going to give you a bit of a... Now I'm going to give you some stretches to do. God, you got me there. That feels good. I can feel a bit of it. This one from the Glen Eden page.

Sonia wants to know, she's after some serious advice for a serious problem. Is it possible to stop drugs being sold in your street? Or are we just forced to accept it? Oh, that's sad. It is sad. One of the best pieces of advice is someone saying, depends what the drug is. If it's weed, just give them a break.

They're having a hard time lately. That's what I think of. Right. I think of drug dealers too. Give them a break. And here's the juicy number from the Papamoa link page that I promised you.

Now this is made national news. Has it? The Herald have done a write up on this. No. Fiasco. Okay.

Rosalie's one of the page admins. Yeah. Now you'd think it'd be a pretty sweet deal being a page admin. I doubt it. I doubt it at all.

Why are they going to be one of the worst jobs in the world? She said choosing our group colour because I've are they going to be one of the worst jobs in the world? She said, choosing our group colour. Because I've said we're changing the colour of the page. Now, if you've never seen on a community page, the little banners can have a colour. There's a cover photo and then some colours. No big deal, you'd think.

No. I wouldn't. If I was a page admin, I'm the sort of dictator that wouldn't even consult my people. Yeah, just change it. I'd change it at will. Yeah. I'd change it to pink at Valentine's Day. Yellow in spring.

Yeah. It's the kind of guy I am. I know, I'm very festive. Red at Christmas. Thanks for all the feedback for our last request for your choices for the group colour, writes Rosalie. Some of you are quite passionate about it. Some made profound, deep and meaningful statements that reflect an intellectual deepness. We've even muted Ronnie for 24 hours for inappropriate comments.

Ronnie. Thanks, Ronnie. At the moment, brown is well in the lead. Brown? I know. Yeah. I know. People are being stupid, aren't they?

And I'm assuming by brown you're meaning number six on the colour palette. It is similar to the colour we currently have under our banner. Various blues and orange yellows were also well supported. For a quickfire 7 till 9pm round tonight, for the final choices, please select from the six below. Type in 1234546. At 9.02pm, we'll switch to the new colour. Woohoo!

Hashtag much excite. Hashtag colour our world. Now, this is a problem with giving people a choice Because when people make a choice And their choice isn't the one that wins They feel personally aggrieved So much so That Cheryl, one of the other page admins

Posted this not so long ago I can't believe this Whoever has left a note in my letterbox With a message saying Browntown is trash and so are you. Seriously, go get a life. I'm thinking about doing this to the council because it was inappropriate. I thought we lived in a community that was supposed to support

one another's opinions and work together. Wow. It wasn't Ronnie, was it? It probably was. He's been muted. In the online world, he's taken to delivering hand hate. So this is why you don't give people an option. No, you don't.

You just change it, admins. Change it as you see fit. Look what nearly happened with our flag. We nearly had that Weet-Bix flag. I know. Horrible. That's awful. Don't ask people for anything.

Just do it. But anyway, it's gone to real mailboxes now. Right, and it's now a

national news. Ronny's got an alibi. Ronny's got somebody who's willing to say where he was last night.

So those are today's community notices. If you see anything going down on your local Facebook page, screen

cap it and send it to ours. We're FEMZM on Facebook. Dad's staying with me at the moment. He's been staying the last couple of nights. Which is something, right?

Because it's without your mum. Yeah, well, she's busy. She's got gardening to do. That's why she didn't come. Well, yeah, she's about to head into spring. You want to have everything in order from when the growing really starts. Because, you know, we mentioned her blog,

her travel blog. She's away for six weeks. Apparently the gardens, she can't keep up. Oh, really? So dad had to come by himself because he went to Bob Dylan last night at the concert. Yeah. And so mum rings me on Saturday before he left. Or she might have just dropped him off.

He'd forgotten his phone. So she had to rush back to the airport to drop it off to him. I was like, oh, great start. And she's like, now he's hurt his foot. And I was like, oh, okay. She's like, yes, he's hobbling. He's not well. I think he's broken it.

I'm like, he's what? He's broken his foot. I think he's broken his foot, like he did last time, but he doesn't want to go to the doctor. But he's all right. He's got a stick. He's got a walking stick,

you know, like a hiking stick, which I think I want to go to the doctor. But he's alright. He's got a stick. He's got a walking stick. You know, like a hiking stick. Which I think I lean to. Right. Yeah. Like a Nordic walking stick. Yeah, like a Nordic walking pole that you see like baby boomers. Sometimes you see them in the urban environment. Yeah, yeah. And they go for a walk and then... And they don't need them. A bit of extra support

in case they come across some unstable footpath. Footpath. But they're great when you're hiking. I love're great when you're hiking. I love using one when you're hiking because, you know, if you fall over you can... A bit of extra stability. Yeah, yeah. So he turns up with his Nordic walking pole and he's really bad.

Like I'm like, what the heck's going on? What have you done to yourself? He's like, oh, look, don't worry about it. The doctor was like, it's like $45. He kept saying, I don't want to go it's $45 that's cheap and then

so it turns out he just didn't want to go to the doctor because he didn't want to be told that he couldn't come to Auckland to go to the concert

oh right because did he fly out yeah he's putting it off because if they'd put it in a cast he wouldn't have been able to fly since last Monday

and he's like hobbling around I'm like oh and like so I had to get him some crutches because he was that bad. And I had to, like, change his seat at the concert because he would have had to walk at Spark Arena, like, down, like, six flight of steps. Couldn't even get up one step, like, without a crutch and, like, help. I was like, you are such an old mate. Like, I'm just such a tough old bugger, eh?

Is it, like, purple? Is it swollen? Did you see his actual body? Yeah, it's a little bit swollen. Oh no, John. I'm just like, oh god. So Rangmama said, you've got to take him to the doctor. She's like, I just wouldn't listen to me. You can't walk around on a broken foot for a week. Well, he has been. He'll

muck it. I mean, it's not hugely broken. I'd say it's like lightly broken. I wish I had the build of an old mate. Like $45 and they can just put up with pain. And their main painkiller is $45. Oh, bloody you. Take a Panadol.

Yeah, take a Panadol. My dad won't even take those because he doesn't want to get addicted. I want to get addicted to drugs. It's Panadol. It's a Panadol. It's gateway painkiller. You know what they say, Panadol one day, methamphetamine's the next. Yeah, come on.

True. That's old mate. Old mate, though, eh? So what was he, when's he going home today? Today he's going home this morning, yeah. He's going to the doctor when he gets home. Why I rang mum, I said, what's he doing? He should have been at the doctor. No, mum's just sick of dealing with it by now.

Oh, yeah, she's had enough. She's like, well, he won't listen to me. He does bloody, just bloody, he can put up with it. He should have been at the doctor. No, Mum's a sicker dealing with it by now. Oh, yeah, she's had enough. She's like, well, he won't listen to me. He does bloody, just bloody, he can put up with it. He can have a bloody sore foot. He'll just tune them out.

Tune out the windmill. He won't even listen. He won't listen to me. That's what Mum said. He won't listen to anybody. He's his own worst enemy. Yeah. And then he wants to go out shopping.

He's like, I'll be fine. So he's walking up the street on his crutches. Oh, my God. Taking forever. I'm like, because, you know, I'm the most patient person in the world. He wanted to go shopping. I'll be like, I'm just going to have a wee lie down.

No, he's like, so I have to go with him and he's on his crutches. I'm just like, you're unbelievable. Just hobbling around on a broken foot. Wow. It's so Kiwi bloke, though, eh? Like, oh, no, I'll be fine. I don't need a doctor. It's so Kiwi bloke, though, eh? Like, oh, no, I'll be fine. I don't need a doctor. It's shocking.

And it's the reason why so many old mates just drop dead one day is because they were like, well, there's been a bit of poo in my blood. A bit of blood in my poo. Well, if there's poo in your blood, you're definitely going to go to the doctor. I cut myself and poos came out. How long ago was that, sir? 18 months. But that's why they ignore signs that go to the doctor. My doctor, I was talking, sir? 18 months. But that's why they ignore, like, the signs that go to the doctor.

My doctor, I was talking to him about it once. He's like, it's good when, you know, viewer generation guys are, you know, they've been told when they come to the doctor and they've got to worry. But, oh, mates, they come in, they're like, oh, yeah, well, so there's been poo and blood. How long for? I don't know. Been about five years.

I've had this huge lump. It's been there for five years. Yeah. I don't know. Because it goes soft and then it had this huge lump. It's been there for five years. I don't know. Because it goes soft and then it goes hard and I think it's going to go away. And so bash it with a heavy book and that makes it worse. And, you know, I just want to sit it out, see what's going to happen here. Whereas I'm the opposite. I'm like, uh-oh, doctor, better go.

Yeah. Yeah. Check on this thing. I could be dying. Yeah. But I thought this morning, could we take some calls? Because, you know, I mean, I guess it's mostly old mates,

but it is a bit of a Kiwi thing to do. When did you refuse to go to the doctor? Like, how long did you put something off for? And maybe like my dad, there was something big and special coming up and you didn't want to be told you couldn't go. So he's like, I'll just hold off on this immense pain.

Maybe until after my wedding or after my birthday or special event. What did you put off? Why did you refuse to go to the doctor? Give us a text, 9696. You can call 0800-DIAL-ZM. So Dad's been staying for a couple of nights over the weekend. Bob Dylan last night, it's why he came up, and he broke his foot. It's like he's broken his foot about a week ago

and because he didn't want to be told he couldn't come and he couldn't fly he's put it off but he's hobbling it's just been a disaster

of a weekend so he's going to be popping in upon arrival back home today I told mum I said you better book him an appointment but then he's going to do

that old mate thing where he lands and your mum's going to be like alright off to the doctor he's like I'm tired we'll go tomorrow. It's feeling a bit better. Cheers up, man. On my bloody feet.

On my bloody feet all weekend. Such an old mate thing to do. Such a Kiwi thing to do. So we want to ask the question this morning. When have you put the doctor off? And you probably shouldn't have. Yeah. Some text messages in it. Dad's one of those classic old mates. Fell down a mountain.

Broke his ribs. Didn't go to the doctor for ages. When he finally went a couple of months later, the doctor said, okay, so you've got broken ribs. You need to take three weeks off work and just sit and relax and recoup and let them heal. Oh, you can't tell an old mate to do that. He spent three weeks chopping firewood

because he said it's a bloody gift to be given this time off to get the firewood chopped. Shouldn't be wasting any time. That would require you basically doing crunches the whole time. Yeah. That's quite nerve-intensive. Out of all the things you can feel, it really pulls in in the area.

Oh my god. I love the thing, it's like time off to do the firewood. Yeah. God, I'm bloody lucky I don't live there. I've been given three weeks off. I just don't know if I'm going to work. I get to do firewood. Hayley, when did you put the doctor off? So I started to get headaches just before my 21st,

about three months before. And I thought, oh, it could be something bad. But I just let it because I wanted to do my yardie and stuff. And then I ended up going. I had to have brain surgery. Wait, so you had three months of intensive headaches? Yeah, intense,

like I couldn't like see, my eye was like swollen, couldn't see out of it. Okay, you know that you're better off being alive, you know, than you nearly didn't make it. You only have a 21st once, so, you know. Yeah, but you't make it. You only have a 21st once, so, you know.

Yeah, but you only live once. Oh, yeah. You can do a Yardie another time, you know. I like the idea of you getting progressively worse and worse, and when it comes to your Yardie, you're like full Quasimodo, your eyes are like, I'm done, take me to the hospital. Did the doctor say, like, you were lucky to, like, were you at the stage where it could have killed you before you'd seen him?

They just said it could have got, because it was fluid pushing on the back of my brain. Right. Because it wasn't draining out. So they were just like, look, you can do your 21st. And I ended up having surgery, like, a week before Christmas. Wow. It's that time of the year.

You put it off for Christmas, then you want New Year's off as well. Yeah, you don't want to miss R&B, do you? No. And then you've got your summer vacay, white-tongue weekend. It comes through March. You're like, oh, man. They're like, oh, it's Easter next week. Wait.

I've got to get my Easter egg home. Everything's shutting down. Faith, when did you put the doctor off? Well, a couple of years ago, you were giving away tickets to Ed Sheeran with the ticket man. You had to tackle him. Yeah.

My coworker was driving me to the hospital and we heard that he was in Hanson's Park and we'd just driven past. So we circled back around. Right. And I tried to push her out of the car. She's quite larger than me, but I tried to push her out of the car and I just stood there than me, but I tried to push her out of the car,

and I just stood there, and he ran right past, but I just couldn't reach him. And I ended up having surgery for the kidney stones later that day. Well, you're not blaming us, are you? Sounds like you're blaming us. In any way. No. If I should have ran, I might have caught him and passed the stones and caught him. Yeah, you knock him down, and he's like, congratulations.

You're like, oh! There's always time to put off surgery for a radio competition, definitely. Phil, how long did you put the doctor off for? I still am. Oh, Phil. Let us today convince you it's time to go to the doctor. What's wrong with you? What's wrong?

It's probably been about four, maybe five years now. Okay. How serious is it? I've got a stomach in here. I can give it now and then put it back in through my belly button. Oh, yuck. Wait, wait, wait. So for those who don't know, because I had a hernia when I was like 11.

It's a tear in your abdominal wall and it can cause like a... Intestines? Like a, yeah yeah like a yucky yeah your guts basically are coming out of you you're just prodding your guts back in your belly button yeah every now and then it makes it entertaining i'm a carpet player as well so okay you're entertaining for home you're like all right it's all done it's looking great good choice on the cavalier bremworth now, here's something I chuck in for free. Yep.

That's it. Oh, it's just, it's the time off you've got to take to once a day. Oh, Christ, you sound like my dad. That is, Phil, please, please. I feel so sorry for a generation that put work before everything. God, I could walk away from here tomorrow and never come back. I'd be stoked. Never do another day's work in my life.

Yeah, but you're not thinking about the money, Vaughan. How are you going to pay the bills? I don't want bills. Phil, please go to the doctor. Phil, will you go to the doctor, mate? Phil, please go to the doctor. Yeah, I'll get there soon. He's not doing it, is he?

He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I promise. I promise. I'll get there soon. Okay. We worry about you, Phil. We really do. All right, some text messages.

Thanks, Phil. Some texts. My dad fell off a scissor lift and broke his arm and had a massive slice in his ear. Oh, jeez. But insisted he was okay. And when the apprentice said he should go to the hospital, he had to go at the apprentice. You don't bloody know. You don't bloody know. You don't bloody know.

I decided to do a hard day's work. And the apprentice said, well, I'll drive you then. And he's like, no bloody way. You stay here. I'll take myself then. That actually reminds me, talking about my dad, which is the reason we got onto this. He felt, when we're building our house, when I was like, I must have been like 10 or 11, fell down a ditch

at night and dislocated his shoulder and made me change the gears while he drove home. And then mum's like, go to the bloody hospital. Why are you at the hospital? What did he do with it? Just sit at home. He's like, I'll be fine. It'll pop itself back in.

It'll work its way in. And I'm just like changing the gears from first to second. That's painful, right? I know. He's just like, I'm all. He's an old mate, say. Somebody said, my kid's great grandad put his hand under the lawnmower

because something was stuck, cut the tips of three of his fingers off, wrapped it in his hanky and finished mowing the lawns and even after that sat down for a cup of tea and really took some convincing to go to the doctor.

Oh my God. Just remember, look after yourself. F-A-M. Ta-ta to the airport departure cards, the little orange cards that you have to fill out for the pleasure of leaving the country. Finally.

Yeah. Good. It feels like Australia got rid of theirs one or two years ago. Yeah, they haven't had them for a little while. But you guys travel mostly by cell, but when you've got a family, it's... Oh, times four. Yeah.

Oh, God, yeah. You've got to kind of fill out for however many people you're traveling with. You can't all get a door on. Wouldn't you get a scribble? That would be hilarious, because I swear they don't even read them. No, they don't.

No, they just kind of click, clack, and away you go. They're going to be getting rid of them. I don't know what is coming in their place. Well, I think it's all just automatic. Like the airlines give the info to the right department. And then your passport has all information on it. Exactly. That's the thing.

You write your address and all that bizzo. But my passport's got all that. You don't need it. And you've still got to fill one coming back. They want the statistics. It's what they mostly do it for, isn't it? So don't mind that because you're on a plane. Well, you've got nothing else to do.

Yeah, you've got nothing else to do. Yeah. But when you get to an airport, you're on holiday, you're kind of like, let's do this, let's get through to this place, let's weave, and then you've got to stop down, fill in all the things, have your passports constantly scrolling through. What's your passport number?

Then my wife says, what's your date of birth again? And I'm like, it's like you don't even know, babe. Did she seriously ask that? She's like, no, I've just got all the date of births running through my mind

because of the girls. And I'm like, I beg your pardon. I could name your extended family's birthdays right now. I could name your birthday. I know, but she says she gets overwhelmed. She's like, what year were you born?

I couldn't do your year. 82. Yep. 82, yeah, that's exactly right. I'm like, what? 20th of Feb. Thank you. She says, what year again?

And I'm like, take a guess. It's going to be wrong either way when you take that guess. But they reckon there's 100,000 hours of time currently spent by travellers in airports, in Auckland airport, international airports, filling these out. I'm so happy this is happening. Yeah.

So happy. Six and a half million departure cards a year. Well, yeah, and think about the trees. If you don't need them, get rid of them. Stacking those on top of each other, that's a lot of paper. So, yeah, they're going to be got rid of. I love how you pretend you care about the trees. I don't care.

It's like I just want to get through faster. I want to get through the security line as quickly as possible. Where are people getting their pre-airport security, where are people getting their pre-airport departure cards from? Travel agents? Yeah. They give you one in your little pack. Oh, sometimes people get out and they arrive

and it's all fully filled out and they're just like, blam, and you're just like, you suck. That's me. Yeah. Or I'll pick up a couple and chuck them in my passport wallet so I don't need to do them at the airport.

That's next level preparation. Yeah, it's organised, man. Grab it for next trip. It's called organisation. It is. Now, before we get to the secret sound, something happened to me on Friday and it was just innocent.

I was just standing there at the traffic lights on Queen Street in Auckland Central. Were you going to say innocent? I was just standing there innocently. Yeah. And then you thought the better of it. Well, I was just, I'd been to the supermarket, Megan, if you must know, to get some snacks. Oh. Was there any chocolate in there?

Maybe. So not innocently. Okay. So I was standing there with a lot of junk food. Oh, and was it in a single-use plastic bag? Yes. Okay, so I wasn't standing there. Not innocent at all, Your Honour. So I'm standing there, guilty.

No, and the traffic lights go, and it's quite busy because it's about six o'clock. Everyone's going out, going home from work. And during that awkward crossing of the road where you're weaving and you're ducking in between all the people, there is a man, I would say he's 25, middle-aged Caucasian male.

Okay. I'm just imagining how you describe someone on Police 107. Okay, yeah. What was his build? What was his crime? He looked like he, well, he was in a suit, so I'd say he's an office worker. No, what was his build? What was his build? He looked like he, well, he was in a suit, so I'd say he's an office worker.

No, what was his build? What was his build? Slender. Slim. Muscular. Average. Right, average build. Slim to medium.

Slim to medium. That's good. Just looked like a, you know, a mid-20s office worker. If you're fat on Police 107, it's really like, ouch. Because usually they say like hefty or large. Oh, I would hate to be. Stocky bill. Stocky bill.

Or hefty woman. I'd be like, oh, that's it. They actually called someone fat once and I was like, okay, they're a criminal, but now you're just bodish him in the face. That would actually get me into the police station. He's a stocky male. Excuse me. I'm here to complain about the stocky male thing that was on Police 107.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Let's get started with the way I was described. It's stocking. Anyway, so just in the brief moment this guy walks past me with his phone to his ear, he says, hey, daddy. And we cross paths. And I'm like, hey, daddy.

If he wasn't on his phone, was he, like, calling me Daddy? Was he like, Hey, Daddy? Did he just... It wasn't a Hey, Daddy. That's a compliment. That would be a compliment. It was more like a, Hey, Daddy. Like, he was on the phone to his dad.

Like a casual... So he picked it up. Hey, Daddy. Hey, Daddy. He said, Hey, Daddy. Like, that's weird, right? Is it wrong that, like, I... If I want something

I'll call him And be like And this is the voice And be like Hey daddy Hey daddy Yeah And he's like

What do you want How much do you need How much What is it What do you want Like you're gonna be a walkover For this one Oh 100%

When your daughters call you Hey daddy Daddy But do they call you daddy Yeah Dad Or yeah daddy sometimes But see I think you daddy? Yeah, daddy sometimes. But see, I think it's all right when you're like a little kid.

I just think for a grown, it was just weird for a grown adult to say, hey mommy or hey daddy. Female or female? I mean, if you're a daddy's girl, like I still say daddy sometimes, but like, I don't know. I feel like it's weirder for a guy. But it shouldn't be, should it? Because that's what it is. He was talking to his older lover.

Oh, maybe. That's a strong possibility. No, but then that would be more like a, hey, daddy. I see you saying it was like super casual. Hey, daddy. Yeah, it was like, hey, daddy. Like that. It wasn't like a, hey, daddy.

See, we can definitely assume it was his dad. It was his dad. It was definitely his dad. It didn't have a sexual field. It didn't have a sexual feel to it. It didn't have a sexual feel to it. It was like a hey, dad. Because if you're going on a date with a dude and he picks up the phone and he's like,

hey, mummy, or hey, daddy, you're like, no. Oh, that's, yeah. What's going on here? Producer Caitlin, do you say mummy or daddy? I'm definitely mummy. Like, she saved him my phone as mummy. Yeah, mine's daddy. But definitely not daddy. Definitely, no. Doug wouldn my phone as mummy. Yeah, why is daddy a mummy? Definitely not daddy.

Definitely, no. Doug wouldn't like daddy. Maybe if I was asking him for something. Hey, daddy. I couldn't imagine saying to my dad, hey, daddy. He'd be like, what? His jaw would just be on the floor. Oh, my God, you should call him and say daddy.

Hey, daddy. What about other producers? James? No. You don't say mummy? No, I think if I said mummy, he should be like, get a grip, James. Also in your deep voice. Hey, mummy.

Yeah, if I was like, hey, daddy, how's it going? I'd be like, I think my dad would be very... Did you guys just feel that too? He'd be creeped out. I think there'll be some kind of Richter movement after that. Anya? No, when I was little, I always thought it was really funny

to call mum and dad by their actual names. So I'd be like seven years old, I'd be like, Dave, can you come over here? So I've just always done it. You're a weird kid. You're still weird now. You're running such a professional relationship with your parents at seven years old.

Good afternoon, Dave. How was work? Not bad. How was school? Not bad, Dave. So was work? Not bad. How was school? Not bad, Dave. So we put up a poll. I'll just do a quick refresh on our Instagram page, our Instagram story, rather.

Is it okay to call your parents mummy and daddy as an adult? 86% say nope, it's weird. It's not okay. There's like little categories in there, like is it okay if you want something? Or is it okay if you're a female? Well, only 14% say yes, that's okay. Okay.

And they're probably the 14% that put on that voice when they need money from Dad. Yeah. Or the 14% that, like, are actually getting money out of their parents. I didn't think it would be that high, though. 14%. No, the 86%.

I thought more people would say it, but maybe not. But it was just weird. But maybe it was just because it was a guy saying it. If it was a girl, I'd be like, I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't feel that way. Would it have been weirder? Or on par? On par.

Hey, Mummy. Maybe less weird than, hey, daddy. Yeah. Less weird. Is that our fault? But is it the masculine? It's a masculine. Are we like.

Yeah, yeah. Is it bad that we think this? Like, we shouldn't be able to say that. Yeah. But then obviously 86% of the country disagree. Did you ever have a friend growing up that addressed their dad, like, really seriously? Like, sir. Hello, father like really seriously? Like sir. Hello father.

Like father and sir. I always thought that was a weird relationship that people would have with their father. Yeah. Right. They referred to him as sir. There's less love and more authority over someone. Yeah, it was like a military relationship. I feel that people that say mummy and daddy are probably still the kind of grown adults

that kiss their parents on the lips. Oh, now you're just chucking judgment my way. And we're naked around each other. We're a very caring family. We love each other dearly. Just let it get to him. F.E.M. Got tagged in a tweet, a series of tweets.

It's going absolutely bananas. I'm watching a live update. It's just gone up to 19, a series of tweets. It's going absolutely bananas. I'm watching a live update. It's just gone up to 19,000 retweets. Okay. 70,000 likes and climbing. This is, somebody starts this by saying, if you've got a solid 10 minutes to absorb this, I present a real status shared in a wedding shaming group I'm part of.

Now, I looked into what a wedding shaming group is, and apparently it's just a group you belong to where you, like, pay out other people's weddings, which sounds like a horrendous reason to join a group. But that's just like what girls do anyway, eh? They judge each other's weddings. Well, yeah. You just don't?

You just don't join a group and admit it. No, you want to keep that on the down low. So the status reads as following. Now I have to lean right far into my computer because when I saved this, it said that it was JPEG underscore large, but is that a JPEG underscore large in your opinion? I think I've been misled by the JPEG community.

How are you even going to read that? What are you doing? I'm going to blink to keep my eyes wet and then I'm going, guys, I'm going to read that. What are you doing? I'm going to blink to keep my eyes wet, and then I'm going. Guys, I'm going in. Can't you zoom in or something? It's like the size of a post-it note. I know, it's tiny. Okay.

Dear friends, you can see I sound differently. That's how I sound different. I'm so close. Dear friends, it comes with great sadness that I'm announcing the cancellation of the, insert name here, wedding. I apologize for cancelling only four days beforehand. Unfortunately, we have broken up due to some recent irreparable problems. They broke up?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The bride and groom broke up just before the wedding. We've decided to end our relationship and will not go forth with any future proceedings. We're remaining civil and are still a team for our son. It goes on about how social media has caused paranoia and toxicity. She's going to be deleting. As soon as she's done this status, she's going to be deleting her Facebook. And if you're looking for her,

she's going to be spending the next two months backpacking in South America, exploring her soul and ridding herself of toxic energy brought on by family and friends, the ones who they thought they could trust the most. So then we get the backstory. Okay. The next few, like, paragraphs or tiny little screen caps, as they're known on my computer right now, say, how could all this come crashing down?

I invite all of you, she says, players, bystanders, and side characters of the people of my life to take a seat and listen. Goes back into how they met, when they fell in love when they were 14. He proposed with a $5,000 engagement ring when they were 18. See, at the moment, I'm kind of feeling for her. Like, this sounds terrible.

20, she realized she was pregnant. We were elated, she says. They started saving because they knew that they wanted to have the wedding after the baby was born when they were in a better place financially to save. We joined back now, as she says. We managed to save up nearly $15,000 for a wedding. Since our love was like a fairy tale, we wanted an extravagant blowout wedding, one where our son could be included.

We started touring venues and were torn between two venues. We consulted a local psychic who told us to go for the more expensive option. And we thought, why the hell not? We just needed a little push and our dream wedding amounted to $60,000. This is in the US, by the way. Jeez. They had $15,000.

Good maths there. You'll notice there's a bit of a shortfall. To the sum of about $45,000. Right. All included, this included flights to Aruba. All we asked for was a little help from our friends and family. I specifically, that says in caps, and again, I state specifically asked for cash gifts.

How could we have our wedding that we dreamed of without proper funding? We'd sacrificed so much. Go on, what? Funding. Yes. Like she's applying for funding from her friends and family.

We'd sacrificed so much and only asked each guest for around $1,500. What? Wait, so if you're a family of four. It's one thing to ask in lieu of a gift, just chuck us some money,

we're going on a honeymoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or, you know know we've lived together that's a probably we live together you get everything you want if you want something specifically ask for it

but yeah money because I gave you a $25 discount voucher for your wedding Megan did you spend that thank you for that you're welcome it was lovely

it was good you're lucky it was for time zone they've played so many arcade games they had a great time doing so strengthened their marriage.

So it goes on to say, we talked to a few people who even promised us more to make our dream come true. My maid of honour, who shall not be named, pledged $5,000. Oh my God. Along with their wedding planning services. We tearfully thanked and accepted. My now ex's family offered to contribute $3,000, so our request for $1,500 from all the other guests was not out of the ordinary.

So they wanted $1,500 from just friends that were attending their wedding. Correct. And already had to go to Aruba. I'm imagining. Or is that the honeymoon? Aruba may have been the honeymoon. Right, okay. Like we made it clear, if you couldn't contribute,

you weren't invited to our exclusive wedding. It was a once-in-a-lifetime party. We sent out RSVPs and only eight people replied and sent us a check. Of course they did. We were livid. How was this supposed to happen without a little help from our friends? That's not a little help. That's like them paying for it for you.

Yeah, you're living beyond your means. Well beyond your means. Come on. To make matters worse, my ex's family took back their offer and suddenly more people backed out, including the C word, maid of honour,

who is my best friend since childhood, my second family. I was so shocked and tearful. To make matters worse, it was only a month before the wedding and to cancel everything would have been more than $5,000 cancellation fees. Desperately, we re-sent our invite and asked people to donate what they could.

I mean, seriously, people, what's $1,000? What's $1,500? That's a shitload of money. Clearly, not a lot. It would be quite manageable if they'd budgeted correctly. Oh, she's a lovely dream lady. I've heard people asking for asking for worse. I'm surprised she has

any friends to invite to a wedding. She doesn't anymore. We also set up a GoFundMe, which only got $250. At this point, we were exhausted and tired and I yelled at my ex, they became unraveled and realised my dream wedding was becoming a nightmare. And then it goes on, basically, she sounds like she's wildly out of control.

The now ex and her have a big spat and he starts hooking up with the maid of honour. So that's why she wanted to put $5,000 in. It's all everybody else's fault the entire way through.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Never once did she realise. I hope she does go backpacking and do a bit of soul searching. I think that's what she needs. Yeah. She'll get to Venezuela and she'll pull out

like 1500 American dollars and she'll be able to buy half of Venezuela. See, I told you. That's a good reason to turn down a wedding. A 1500 dollar fee. They only got eight RSVPs.

Because how much is too much to ask? You don't ask. Oh, you don't ask. You don't ask. Oh, you don't ask. You don't ask for money. You don't ask. If you're inviting people to your wedding, our thoughts were if you're inviting people to your wedding,

looking back on it now, definitely got to cut that less than half. But if you're inviting people, you want them to share in your special day. Yeah, but you still expect like a gift, right? How much would you expect people to gift? I don't expect anything. We didn't honestly have any expectations.

We didn't have a wedding that we couldn't afford. Right. Yeah, we were the same. And any money we got was going towards a honeymoon, which we'd save some money for as well. Right. It's your celebration. It's your day.

You're inviting people that you want to witness it. You shouldn't expect anything from those people. You know? But people do, don't they? That's- Some people do. Okay, well- Madness.

We want to ask the question this morning, why did you turn down a wedding invite? Now, it doesn't need to be because they were asking for like a big amount of money, but maybe it was like a really expensive destination wedding and they got like, because I've seen that. People get like a little annoyed that you don't make the effort to go to, you know, the Cook Islands or Argentina or Vegas. Like, because that costs a lot of money.

Yeah, it does. And you have to take time off work and it might not fit and you might have holiday plans already. But there could be other reasons you've declined a wedding invite. Maybe there's like... Have you ever been invited to a wedding and you've been like, we've got no place at this wedding. I've turned down a wedding invite.

We got invited to one a show day and I'm like, we can't go to this wedding. Yes. I've turned down a wedding invite. We got invited to one, and Sade and I were like, we can't go to this wedding. You might not know the people that well. I still went. Did you? It was food and drinks and dancing. Then we looked at each other and we were like, we do get a bit carried away at weddings.

We probably can't do that. We barely know them. All right, well, 0800DANCE.M, you can text 9696. Why did you turn down a wedding invite? We want to know why you've turned down a wedding invite. Ask some text messages in.

I was invited to my Sri Lankan boss's wedding as his best man. After only knowing him for four months. I politely and awkwardly declined the offer. And he later told me he apparently only asked me because I was shorter and awkwardly declined the offer and he later told me he apparently only asked me because I was shorter and white which would have looked quite nice in the wedding photos I appreciate

the honesty and a man who appreciates a colour palette yeah spread across the oh that's brilliant the UN of wedding get-togethers. Could you just momentarily

imagine the best man speech? Yeah. Yeah. Like, nine in four months. Nine in four months. It's been a great four months. Great guy. Saw him in the lunchroom the other day.

Parked. Parked's a bit weird. Sometimes I've noticed his car. Yeah. Not quite right, but other than that, great guy. Yeah. Thanks, Kamehameha. Somebody else said, a colleague at work invited my husband and I to her wedding in Greece.

Okay. I didn't know her very well, and also she said no kids. So we had kids. But that to me sounds like an invite that they know you're not going to say yes to. Yeah, but they don't want the awkwardness of you not being invited to their wedding in Greece. Exactly. All right, we'll take some calls. Sarah, why did you decline a wedding invite?

I turned down my mum's wedding invite after I found out a couple months prior that she was actually marrying my ex. Oh, okay. How long had you been with him? I'd been with him for about a year and a half. Okay, and then how long had she been with him behind your back? So we actually broke up and then about a month or two later they sat me down and said that they'd been dating and then three months after that they were engaged.

And she invited you. Wow. Were you seeing an older guy or was she seeing a younger man? They had been dating and then three months after that they were engaged. And she invited you. Wow. Was she seeing an older guy or was she seeing a younger man? He was my age. Oh, wow. Wow. Okay.

And are they still together married? Yeah. Yeah, they're still together. Is that weird at Christmas? They haven't given you a little sister or a little brother or anything again? No, thank God, no. Right. And is it weird now or are you kind of all good with it? I mean, I don't really see much of him,

but I mean, it's kind of weird knowing that you sleep with your stepdad. Yeah. Yeah. It's odd. Lulz. It's odd. Yeah, family dinners are a bit awkward. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes, mate. That's fantastic. All right, thank you, Sarah. To another Sarah, you turned down a wedding invite. Why was that? Because one of my very good cousins refused to invite my partner to the wedding. How long had you been with your partner at that stage? A year and a half.

And apparently it's because he didn't wave to her at the supermarket. That's fair enough. I hate not being waved to at the supermarket. Maybe he didn't see her. That's what he told me. Right. What an odd reason. But, you know, any excuse when you're

cutting down numbers and you're paying per head catering, you know what I mean? All right, thanks. You call Sarah. Ah, some other text messages in. The wedding was overseas

in China and technically not on the invitation list despite being a wedding for my cousin and my dad's nephew. We awkwardly found out at a family get-together

that we weren't invited and then other people had declined the invitation which would have opened it up numbers-wise to us being invited. They didn't want you there. That's what that means. We were invited to a wedding and the criteria was bring a plate, so food, and a bottle of booze and proof of the fact

that you'd bought something off their Briscoe's gift registry. It was just really weird and quite like, not politely put, very abrupt. So we were like, we'll just say we've got something on. What are they, anti-Briscoes or something? I don't know. They just don't like to be told what to do. We'd just bought a house and a mate invited us

to his wedding in Fiji. It was very expensive. told what to do. We'd just bought a house and a mate invited us to his wedding in Fiji. It was very expensive. And so we said, oh, look, here's the reasons we can't really afford that. Yep. And they got the hump with us

and we don't talk anymore. See, you can't do a destination wedding and get upset that people don't come. No. Because they can't afford it. No.

And like, this is another destination wedding. I turned down my cousin's wedding because it was in Narangi Ora. Like, destination weddings destination weddings so difficult it's a long way yeah yeah they said it was also four months before their own wedding so i don't know i don't know what the deal was there uh my dad uh turned down a wedding invitation because they insisted on black tie he said i don't own one of those and i shan't be told what to wear. So I will not be going to that wedding. And a lot of people

saying they didn't accept the wedding invitation because they knew the wedding was doomed. They knew the relationship was doomed before the wedding. So they don't want any part of it. So many people text messaged that in. Our cousin invited us to a wedding in Cancun. And we all knew the husband was no good and had cheated on her. So we were all like, oh, hey, thanks, but we can't

really afford that, even though it would have been awesome. But no one told her. You're her family. Tell her. People don't want to know. Don't get involved, Megan. And then they split up two months after the wedding, so we're glad we didn't spend thousands of dollars celebrating that mess. No, but she did, because her family didn't tell her.

My maid of honour didn't invite me to her wedding a year after my own. I kept waiting for the invite, but it never came, so I didn't even get a chance to decline it. Didn't even get invited. Oh, at least give her a petty invite. And somebody else says, I declined a wedding invite from my friend to his partner

because I knew it wasn't going to last because I'd also been sleeping with her and she broke up two days broke the wedding off two days before it happened and now we're together. Well at least it was before. Yeah. You've got to break up well before so you can

still get your money back. You've got to break up before non-refundable deposits. Yes, exactly. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Have you ever wondered why some letters look wildly different when they're in uppercase to lowercase? Like C, big C and little C are the same, just smaller. Yep.

Aren't they? Yep, very true. And F, pretty much the same. T's different. Capital T. Yeah, it moves down a little bit, doesn't it? S is the same, but smaller. Yep.

K is the same, but smaller. How would you do like a big D if you just did it a larger size D? Like it would look weird. It would look weird, but that's only because that's what we've got used to. But it would stick up too much, the top bit of the capital D. Like it would look weird. It would look weird but that's only because that's what we've got used to. But it would stick up too much the top bit of the capital D. Your Q's another one.

Way different. Q looks way different. Q looks way different. So D, you could do a little D. You just do a capital thing half the size. Nah, it'll look weird.

Yeah, and then the stick goes up way too high. But then that's only because you got used to it because C's the same. It's just smaller. So you could just do smaller versions of it.

Yeah, but it doesn't have a jutty out thing. Yeah, but you'd have to do the circle bit big and then the sticky upy bit's too high. No, no. I'm. So you could just do smaller versions of it. Yeah, but it doesn't have a jutty out thing. You'd have to do the circle bit big and then the sticky uppie bit's too high. No, no, I'm not saying you don't do that. You just do a capital as the size of the small. No, but it looks like it's a little letter in between

capitals. But that's the thing. It's because it's what we've got used to. Because I was asked this by Indy, my six-year-old. She's like, why do some of them look the same big and small, but some of them are different? Because the D annoys her because when it's capital same big and small, but some of them are different? Because the D annoys her because when it's capital, it goes one way, but when it's small, it goes the other.

And it's confusing. But then it faces the same way as the B. And so we were trying to figure it out. So I Googled it, and I've come across the answer of why. Because they used to be all the same. It used to be the little D. You had to giggle, eh? But I did too.

The little D was just a big D, smaller. Okay. But they changed it. And you know who to blame? Monks. Monks. That's what I was going to say, monks. You're like, are you? And studio Fletcher is like,

halfway through forming a word with his mouth. Yep, monks. Monks, that's what I was going to say. Mon And studio Fletcher is like, halfway through forming a word with his mouth. Yep, monks. Monks. That's what I was going to say. Monks. Monks. Because when they were writing,

they were in charge of like copying scrolls and scripts and religious text and beer recipes. By hand. All the boring stuff. Yeah. Give it to the monks.

And recipes and stuff. And drugging tigers so you could pat them. Oh yeah, that's upsetting. That's some good stuff. Chanting. Yeah.

So they had to write and they worked out that they were spending so much time when they would do a little capital D, so like old D, they'd have to do it and then lift their pen. Right. And then go on to the next letter. So they changed the smaller, the lowercase letters so it could flow. And you think of all the lowercase letters that are different are made so you can use cursive.

You can flow. And link together all of the words. But if you were doing them as big ones. What about a little b? Well, you just do a thing. Little b. You lead in and then you do the circle and then arm up and then you flow on to the next one.

Oh, no, you start at the top, don't you? And then you end at the back of the b. So they all changed. So, again, this is at the top, don't you? And then you end at the back of the B. So they all changed. So, again, this is why you should always hire lazy people. Because they find the quickest and easiest way to do something. So basically couldn't be bothered writing it out in full, so found a shortcut. I love it.

Imagine the first monk that was like, look, capital E. I have to go, like, one line, two line, three line, four. That's a lot. Well, look at this one. Done. Yeah. And they're like, how much time do you reckon you save? Well, mate, I'm handwriting everything. So it's just efficiency, really.

Okay, monk number five, whose name I've forgotten. Go ahead. I'll let you run with this. So yeah, all the capital letters changed so you could write them in cursive and just flow through and it would be much quicker to do the writing. Harder to read though. Nana used to write me cards.

I'd have to sit down with like a magnifying glass and a whiskey embrace. Time to decipher the Elder Scrolls. I think this one says Dear Vaughan. Hope all's well. Okay, well that was predictable, but now I'm on my own. Something about the weather. Something about Papa on my own. Something about the weather.

Something about Papa. A little bit more about the weather. Good, okay, I've done well today. I'll retire to the den and finish this whiskey. So today's fact of the day is the reason that some letters in lowercase don't look the same as their uppercase brothers is because it was too hard to write them in cursive. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

I went on the annual Papadopoulos ski trip over the weekend. There's an annual Papadopoulos ski trip? Yeah, every year we go. Even if we don't actually ski. Because there's hardly any skiing. Did anybody in the family ski? I didn't. I didn't want to hurt myself.

And you're not just talking about you and Mr. Toyboy because it was all of his family. Is that what you mean? It's their... Yeah, some from Wellington and we meet kind of in the middle and go on a wee ski trip. How many people were there? Thirteen. this? Yeah, some from Wellington and we meet kind of in the middle and go on a wee ski trip. Oh. How many people were there?

Thirteen. Oh, too many. Oh, that's too many. Too many people. That's a lot of people. And so we were in Oakuni and of course we needed some wine and stuff over like get lit on Saturday night.

Well, yeah, thirteen people, that's a lot of, you've got to drink a lot to make that variable. Yeah, that's true. I'm sure they're lovely but you know. I'm just allergic

to any kind of mass family gathering. That's so sad. It is. We wouldn't extend that far in my family, but their family is fine. They do, right, okay.

So yeah, I went to the supermarket in Ohakuni and we were getting some wine and when we went in there, Andrew, Mr. Toyboy, was like, I don't have my ID.

So just in case they ask us at the checkout, I'm going to go to the car because I don't have it. Right. Because they get a bit funny about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They get a bit funny.

Auntie's trying to buy some young... I knew you were going to say that. Some young tanned man a cask wine to get him a bit tipsy and... So he was not with me when I purchased

two bottles of wine. Is this at the Ohakuni New World? That's a classic. Good lord, there's a line there, right? Always, always. Then you stand by the muesli bars for so long you convince yourself you're on a muesli bar. So I got to the checkout and

the lovely guy there was like, I'm really sorry but I'm going to need to see some ID. Only because he saw you with Mr Toyboy. He didn't. We were not even in the same vicinity. He had already left the supermarket. They're having a

laugh these days, eh? Excuse me. I'm just doing it for you old girls to give you a bit of a kick. left the supermarket. They're having a laugh these days, eh? Excuse me. I'm just doing it for you old girls to give you a bit of a kick. He was serious. You're stoked. You made your weekend. It's the highlight of the week. I haven't heard anything about the trip apart from the fact that you got ID'd.

He's made your weekend with a simple gesture. No, because you always say it's because Andrew's with me, but he was nowhere in the vicinity and I still got IDs. So no grounds for teasing. No grounds, no grounds, Your Honour, for teasing. How old was this? Were you wearing like a full face thing, snow goggles?

No, I was wearing a ski suit, but it was like undone, so you could see my décolletage and my head. Your what? My chest. Like the top of my chest. How much cleavage were you showing at the snow? No, I'm saying you could see my head. Your what? My chest. Like the top of my chest. How much cleavage were you showing at the snow? No. I'm saying you could

see my neck. You unzipped your cleavage for the checkout boy. No. I'm saying it wasn't like done right up to You send Mr. Toyboy

to the car. You go to the car. Oh, I stand sorry. Auntie's got to get her prey on. I've learnt my lesson. There's always ground for teasing. How old was he?

Because sometimes I feel like these checkout people are so young, they're scared because they get told by their bosses, you've got to like D people. He would have been in his 20s, like mid-20s, I reckon. Mid-20s. They're so stupid sometimes, aren't they? I mean, no offence, but you don't look 17. No, they've got an idea if you look under don't, I mean, no offence, but you don't look 17. No,

they've got to ID you if you look under 25. But it doesn't matter. It's stupid. You don't look 17, so don't ask. Hey, don't steal my limelight

with your bloody segment. Get Fletch started. Oh, I know, because I'm in the line waiting. Don't get me started. Anyway, I got ID'd

and he wasn't with me, so, ayo. Compliment taken. I look under 25 at least. Thank you. I haven't been ID'd for anything for a while. I think it's the beard.

Thank you. Yeah, because you can't be 17 and grow that sweet beard, really, to be honest. Hey, why are we chucking him compliments? And I get his. Sweet beard. Sweet beard. Good beard. Plus, I only ever buy booze at the RSA and they know me by name now.

Hey Vaughan, Carlsberg. Yes, please.