ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - August 29 2019

Episode Date: August 28, 2019

Vaughan went to his first school production, Megan was brought back down to earth yesterday and what did you snake from the letterbox?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music. Lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Yeah, good morning. Good morning. Good morning. I can't even keep up with what's happening with this Brexit thing. I don't understand it all. Neither. Well, basically. It's been years and years and years of fighting.

It's been a long... I thought it was open and closed once they did the referendum, but no, apparently they... They... They hadn't thought it through. I don't know why any of them would want to leave the EU because having a British passport... Because they're racists.

Oh, yeah, but just travelling. You get the special line and you go straight through. Yeah. Like, they're all going to have to start lining up. The people that don't want Romanians coming and getting jobs and refugees settling from war-torn areas to the safety of Europe and then having the option to travel to England, they don't care about lines at airports.

They don't travel too much. They're not worldly folk. This is true. Right. Wow. Good luck with that,. This is true. Right. Well. Good luck with that. Brexit in a nutshell. Racists are just like, no.

But it means you can't have a cheap pillow from France. Don't need a bloody pillow from France. Got my own bloody pillow. Got my own bloody pillow. Where's it from? France. I'll order five before they make them expensive. But yeah, there's a whole lot.

It's a real sitch. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Three news headlines. Warner Meg and pick one of the following three headlines. Headline one, man does 44 days over pin code. Headline two, woman fights to save her 15-year-old plate. And headline three, man arrested after dilly heist.

A dilly heist. Now, did he use the dilly as the weapon in the heist or did he heist some dillies? He heisted some dillies. All right. And not what you're thinking. Oh, not. No.

Oh. Dill pickles? No. Is it actually? It's a brand. It's a brand. Oh. Ice creams.

Oh. Dilly. I don't know if they're like, you know, like a Fruju push-up. Oh, yeah, right. One of those. Yeah. I'm not sure. The 15-year-old plate.

What was it? 15-year-old plate. 15-year-old plate. You can't just save your plate. What was story number one? Man does 44 days over pin code. Or headline two, woman fights to save her 15-year-old plate. woman fights to save her 15-year-old plate.

Woman fights to save her 15-year-old plate. Okay, plate. Plate. We go to New Hampshire now. A woman is fighting the State Department of Motor Vehicles over her 15-year-old vanity plate, which is a personalised plate. So she's had this forever, for 15 years. And apparently they asked her to surrender the plate

because it says phrases related to excretory acts aren't permitted. Poop. E-X-C-R-E-T excretion. So it's called, as you say it, it's excretion. You excrete. Excretory acts. So this is what the plate says. P before we go. P before we go. Like your mum

says. Go to the toilet before we go. Does anyone need to go to the toilet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. P before we go. Didn't need to go before. Didn't need to go then. So P-B-4-W-E-G-O. She's had that plate for 15 years. But now she's been told it's too rude. So she's got to surrender it.

But were those rules in place when she got it? No. Oh. No. Oh. So apparently she's one of 92 New Hampshire drivers that received a recall letter. So people had already had stuff on their plates that were deemed rude

or a bit rough. What are you doing then? She paid money for that. Are they going to reimburse her? Or give her another plate of her choice? Well, yeah, but then 15 years ago it would have been a lot cheaper, wouldn't it? Because then you'd just go S-H-I-T-N-W. Yeah, shit now.

I don't think they're going to let you get that one. They're not going to get that one. No. That's so weird. Yeah. So she's literally, I don't think there's anything she can do. She's got to surrender the plate, get a new plate. Whether she just goes for a plain one or gets a new one.

Plates. I'm unsure. That's a little bit sad. Oh, well, I'm over it. Oh'm unsure. That's a little bit sad. Oh well, I'm over it. Oh well, sad for her. I've got other stuff

to worry about. I was literally trying to think of one of the biggest worries of my life and I was like, nah. I was going to say

rights, but that felt really old. I've got to worry about my bloody rights. Not my plates. Or how your chickens are sleeping, your new chickens. So the chickens.

Have you been checking on them? You know, I put up a video. I found a tree with a good-sized branch. Yeah. So I cut them some roosting things. Yeah. And I went into the shed last night to check on them. And they were all just sleeping on the wall.

Megan and I, what did Megan and I went into the shed last night to check on them and they were all just sleeping on the wall. Megan and I, what did Megan and I tell you? They don't do what you chickens. They don't do what you tell them to do. But then... How were they sleeping on the wall? So the walls got four by two ups and downs, ups and sideways joists. No, that's not the right word.

Anyway, the bits and then the plywoods on the outside. So they just sat, you know where you'd usually like push bits, and then the plywood's on the outside, so they just sit. You know where you'd usually like push insulation in and then put another thing on it? So that bit, the framing, they're sitting on the framing.

I told you you needed a good bit of wood for the perch, didn't I? And you didn't listen. Here's the weirdest part about it. They were all perfectly symmetrical to one corner. So on the top,

there was, so you imagine a 90 degree corner. Yeah. At the top, one on each. One there, one right opposite it. Next one, two and two opposite. Next one, two and two opposite. Bottom one, one and one.

It was, I wish I'd taken a photo. It was weird. You know, they talk to each other. They like to do that. But it was like perfectly symmetrical and you know I love symmetry. Oh yeah, same. I would have found that quite nice.

I found it pleasing. And you didn't take a picture. Well, my phone was charging. It was out of batteries. Oh, damn. If they do it again tonight, I'll take a photo. Okay. I don't need to be centred.

What do you guys have to do? Go back and do that symmetry thing. Told everybody you did symmetry last night. So advanced, you chickens. So advanced. Yeah. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. So advanced, you chickens. So advanced. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM.

Really proud of the UK and a little bit surprised because they have released a story saying that vegan food has become the UK's fastest growing takeaway. Okay. So between 2016 and 2018 Orders of vegan meals Grew 388% Apparently there's 600,000 people Believed to be vegan in the UK Right

This is a Probably I don't actually Never really thought about it But that's quite a chunk of people Right Producer Caitlin Are you still doing the vegan thing at the moment?

I'm semi. Well, yeah, I have a vegan food box. I'm vegan during the week-ish. There's a vegan food box? Yeah, it's a plant-based one. I love it. It's so good. What do they just send your box and there's leaves in there?

Yeah, that's all there is. I just eat leaves. That's all there is. Did you know I eat grass now? Good from you. But now you've become a blight on the environmental landscape because you're basically a cow if you only eat grass. Oh, yeah.

Okay. And yeah, because the almond milk is like ruining the trees. I'm basically a terrible person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. An environmental terrorist. Yeah. That's me. That's you.

No, but it's really hard because I still like always eat chocolate and like cheese and stuff., yeah. An environmental terrorist. Yeah. That's me. That's you. No, but it's really hard because I still, like, always eat chocolate and, like, cheese and stuff. But, yeah. You're not allowed to eat chocolate because it's hairy. So many Whittaker's chocolates are vegan. Really? Yeah. The ones that are over 50% cocoa. Well, they don't put milk in them.

Apart from the caramel, salted caramel one. Yeah. Oh, okay. So do you find it hard to find vegan takeaways if you're like Uber-eatsing or just chips? Is chips vegan? Yeah. I know. I always eat chips.

That's real bad. I think I'm just getting like real facts. I just eat chips all the time. But yeah, no, there's heaps of places and there's always like options in other, like at restaurants. Right. You know? You think the stat would be the same in New Zealand?

I don't know. Because I think I know more and more people. Yeah, into that kind of plant-based diet stuff. I'm not opposed to it. It's just hard. Yeah, you open up Uber Eats and you have to stroll past like a fried chicken outlet to... Yeah.

Or dumplings. And find soy products. Yeah, and you go for dinner with friends and stuff and they might not have anything. So you're just like, oh, the meat looks good. I don't know. It's real tough. But if everyone else was doing it, I'd do it. Like if everyone around me was doing vegan, it would be way easier. See, you've put me in a situation now where I definitely order meat.

If everyone's like, we're all eating vegan, I'd be like, okay, deal. You guys order first. I'll have to peruse the menu. It gets to me, everyone's ordered vegan, and I'll be like, scotch fillet. No, you'd be like. Scotch fillet, rare. Everyone else is saving the world so you can eat the meat. Yeah, 100%.

It's balanced. Well, otherwise cows will take over. Okay. They'll eat bloody everywhere. When you want to wake up in the morning and there's a cow in your room, I didn't think so, like a spider. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Melbourne schools always seem to be in the news.

Right. It was a Melbourne school that banned students' parents from bringing hot drinks onto the grounds. Remember that? In case they dropped them on the heads of a child. Yeah.

What was the other one? They weren't allowed to bring plastic and now this Melbourne school has banned bins, forcing students to either recycle containers that they use

rather than chucking them in the bin or taking all their rubbish home. So you've got to take all your, I mean, I guess you've got your lunchbox anyway. Yeah. So what's the big deal putting a chippy wrapper or some mandarin or a banana skin? Back in your lunchbox. Yeah. Back in the bottom of your bag. So there's been a sustainability team at the school.

They've been consulting with parents and students for different ideas. And one of the ideas was that everything you bring to school, you take home from school. So I can't really understand how it ending up in the landfill from home is any different apart from the schools just saving money on waste disposal. That's probably what it is. And disguising it as an environmental concern. Hot play.

Hot play school. Hot play, yeah. So the top six things you don't want your kids bringing home from school is today's top six. Okay. Because it might not just be rubbish. What are they bringing home next? Number six on the list is some other kid's school uniform.

Okay. Do they accidentally bring home the wrong sweatshirt when you're at school? Oh yeah, like you just finish playing at the end of the day or something and you're like, grab that. It's the same sweatshirt, same size or whatever, but my mum hit the roof. Oh yeah, we always had those labels, iron in labels.

My mum would just like vivid over the label and be like, Megan's. Yeah, yours now. Mine now. She'd un-iron the label, pick it off, put it on. When you go back, see if you can find yours and then you have two. Yeah, that's a hot play. When I'm doing school pick-up, I always just pick up all of the jerseys that are lying

everywhere. And every day when I pick it up and there's Indies names, not in any of them, I'm kind of proud. Yeah. I'm like, look at this loser, discarding their jersey. No respect for their parents. Number five on the list of the top six things you don't want your kids bringing home from school. A used plaster that they said might be theirs when the teacher was trying to find who it belonged to. It could be.

I think I came to school with a plaster. Yeah. Pass it here. Yeah. I know. Grim. I always hate when I see a plaster at the bottom of a swimming pool. I'm always just like, bleh.

They seem to be like scattered around schools. Right. Like I've noticed because kids, you know how when you're a kid and you just have the most minor of an inconvenience, you're like, well, that needs a plaster. Yeah. Mom, I'm going to need eight plasters. And then they get to school and they're like, well, that's fallen off,

but I'm not going to worry about that. That's on the ground now. That's the grounds problem. And then, yuck. Number four on the list of the top six things you don't want your kids bringing home from school. The remains of a frog dissection from biology. So now you've got a lunchbox full of frog guts. There's no bin to put the frog in now.

No. You've got to bring it home. You've got to bring it home in your lunchbox. You'll probably have to give the lunchbox more than the mandatory rinse out at the end of that school day. I'd burn it. Yuck. I think that'd be the end On your lunchbox. You'd probably have to give the lunchbox more than the mandatory rinse out. Oh, yeah. At the end of that school day. I'd burn it. Yuck.

I think that'd be the end of the lunchbox. It'd actually be worse for the environment because the lunchbox would be discarded, even though it's a multi-use plastic. Number three on the list of the top six things you don't want your kids bringing home from school. Some other kid's huckery art project. I mean, it's obviously not my kid's project. My kids are genius. Their art's amazing.

Hashtag. They're so advanced. They're squiggly lines. I'm so advanced. Those are definitely my child's squiggly lines. But I don't need a Weet-Bix box with a toilet roll stuck to it with a milk bottle lid and a googly eye. Megan, you're still standing by the fact that if you ever have a kid, Lorenz, you won't put their artwork on the fridge?

Not unless it's pretty. It's just squiggly lines. That doesn't look like what you say it is. Have you been to a museum of modern art? A MoMA? A lot of it's just squiggly lines. Yeah, and that's not on my wall either. Lawrence could be onto something. Lawrence could be the next

Picard. Yeah, I was going straight to struggling for a modern artist there number two on the list of the top six things you don't want your kids

bringing home from school are the latest strain of influenza oh okay yeah pretty good

if they just could leave that at school that'd be super great and number one on the list of the top

six things you don't want your kids bringing home from school the attitude of that kid in class

you know the one the one that you kind of give that side eye to on pick up you're like that was you, right?

No, I was an absolutely adorable child. Really? My mum said my problem was bringing home other people's attitudes. Oh, right. Okay. That's what my mum said. So my bad attitude is just a mix of everyone I've ever met's attitude. Right, okay. You play a

strong part in that. You contributed a lot to this bad attitude. That is today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. This is actually really sad. There is a stat that has come out of the UK and it has said that teenage boys are now almost as worried about their bodies as their female counterparts.

They have anxiety over their physique. Whereas in the past they weren't, didn't care. Not as their female counterparts. They have anxiety over their physique. Whereas in the past, they weren't, didn't care. Not as much. Right. Definitely not as much. So they said boys used to be happier with their appearance, but the gap is narrowing. I just don't think it was talked about.

Really? Because I remember when I was a teenager, yeah, you'd look in the mirror, you'd be like, full of doubt. 100%. But you never talked about it. You kind of would just, and if anyone asked you, you'd be like, nah, man, look at me. Yeah, I definitely remember that.

And you say things to teenage boys about their body, they'll remember it forever. I think as much as teenage girls. Yeah, that goes for anyone, really. I don't think that's a gender specific thing. But do you, oh, I was going to say, do you think girls would bully boys about it, but boys would bully boys about it, right?

And girls don't maybe necessarily need to bully boys in the traditional manner like how boys might bully girls, but just saying things. Little things. Would totally just get in there and rock around in their brain. Well, they have suggested that actually it's Love Island culture that is to blame and that they are watching things like this and they're saying that sculpted gym bodies is of overwhelming importance.

Well, it's a bit rough to blame Love Island for everything, isn't it? I mean, Instagram's been around longer than Love Island. And Instagram is also to blame. That's probably more to blame. You see all these models, you see all these weightlifters, this is what it says here, bodybuilders, and you look at yourself and you look like a stick and it makes you feel terrible.

This is really sad. Yeah. Because I feel like we've come a long way in, like, trying to have, like, body positivity, especially for females. Mm. And now are we forgetting about the boys? We just need to, like, get rid of Instagram or clean your feet up if there's stuff on there that's making you feel bad, just don't follow it.

Just don't follow hot people? Yeah. Well, I mean, if you're going to follow them and admire them, admire them and be like, yeah, they're hot. But if they're making you feel bad, unfollow them. Good advice. Yeah. That's really sad, that stat.

Solid advice. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan The podcast ZM This is great news for Vaughan Who is a big fan of malls Malls Oh yes obviously

You love a mall A lot of the time That means a crowd Yeah And you know how I love A crowd Yeah Yeah

Well will you just wait in the car If you go to the mall With your wife At this mall specifically or any mall? Any mall. It's very mall dependent. Right, okay. Well, it is opening.

They're calling it a mega mall in Auckland. It's been 18 months under construction. It's a new Westfield. Okay. And it is going to have 2,700 car parks once it's finished, but they are saying that you should still get public transport. Because it's opening today, this mall.

It's the one in Newmarket. It's not finished yet, but it'll be finished by Christmas. Yeah. And it's going to have how many, do you know how many stores? 230. Wow. Is that for the first lot? Is Rickerton Mall bigger than Sylvia Park?

Nah, Sylvia Park's bigger than Rickerton and Christchurch, isn't it? Oh, should I Google New Zealand's biggest mall? What are we talking about? Are we talking about square meters or are we talking per shop? See, to me, it's shops. That's what makes a mall big, right? Most shops. Yeah.

Yeah. Because if you go into a mall, you want lots of options, right? Yeah, I don't want it to be huge with the same amount of shops because then I just have to walk around further. Further, yeah, okay. That's my cardio. Large is my total retail space. Shopping cardio. Yeah. Um, excuse me,

I do lots of steps. Back and forth, back and forth. Okay. Um, apparently it's going to have a couple of firsts, though, this mall. New Zealand's first Lego store. And also David Jones. But I don't think Something for everyone I don't think David Jones Is open yet

And also it's getting We're getting general pants Which is exciting For those that go to Australia There's something for all Three of us in here That's cute We'll drop Vaughn off

At the Lego store I'll just be in the Lego store Right okay If anyone needs me Yeah So these are the biggest That new Westfield Newmarket Is going to have 230 plus

Yeah The next 207 Sylvia Park Okay the biggest, that new Westfield Newmarket is going to have 230 plus. Yeah. The next 207, Sylvia Park. Okay. Botany Town Centre. Yeah. Is the third with 200.

Yeah. Now, can I, I've got a question. Then Westfield, Rickerton, and then the base in Hamilton. Do they count like the Sock Island?

Is that a store? I believe so. It's a retail store. I just get heaps of islands, Sock Islands in my mall to burst my numbers if I was a mall. Is Cedar City my mall for New Plymouth on the list? Don't laugh. Nelson doesn't even have a mall.

I know. Well, it does have a mall, like Richmond, the Richmond Mall. Oh, the Richmond Mall. Yeah. No, it doesn't. Right. It doesn't. 88,000 square metres this new one in Auckland is going to be. Wow. Over three floors. Well, apparently the opening today,

they're advising if you are around that area driving, maybe avoid the area because it's going to be a bit busy. And if you can, take public transport. I've just been reading stores too. There's stores in there that we've never had in New Zealand before, like a few. Yeah. So this is super exciting.

What like? What don't we have? RJ, Zimmerman, Camilla. Zimmerman, they're walking frames for old people, aren't they? Yeah, that's them. Yeah. Your wife will not be allowed in Zimmerman, shall we say. Well, she doesn't need a walking frame yet, so that's good.

ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. A surgeon has saved a man's hand by attaching it to his groin. This has been done a few times. What, so he lost his hand in a freak accident or something? Yeah. Okay.

And so they cut it open and they put it inside the body. Right. So the rest of the body looks after the hand, like the antibodies, I assume, and stuff. Inside it or do they put the hand onto wherever? No, they can put it inside. Like a pocket.

Yeah, it's like a pocket. They put the hand inside. I hope they washed his hand. That's good a pocket. Yeah, it's like a pocket. They put the hand inside. I hope they washed his hand. That's good from you. Imagine just washing a hand. They would have been. Would you just dip it in a sink? In some Dettol?

Yeah, but it's like mangled, so. Oh, right, okay. Oh, the whole hand's mangled. It's not a clean cut. The hand's mangled. Right, okay. Well, no, it's a clean cut, but the hand's mangled. Obviously, yeah.

Wait, so I'm confused. So the hand itself was... Mangled. And so to fix the hand... They attached it and then put it inside the body. They reattached the hand and then they put the hand inside. Wait, so his hand is connected and it's in his... Correct.

In his groin, you said? Yes. Well, they're not going to put it up here. Where else? That's a convenient place. That's where your hand... So he's just walking around with his hand in his groin. Yeah.

Well, I imagine he's in bed for this. Oh, yeah. At the moment, he's in bed. Right, okay. At the moment, he's just chilling. And then sooner they just like, okay, we're going to take your hand out of your groin. We're going to take your hand out and see how it's going.

And you'll be all good. Yeah. That's amazing, isn't it? Good temperature. It's a sterile environment. And you'll be all good. Yeah. That's amazing, isn't it? Good temperature. It's a sterile environment. But you have like an open wound. No, they close it

around the wrist where they put it in. What the? Imagine waking up from your accident and you can't move your hand. And it's so...

And there's that little moment where they have to tell you that, sorry, we've put your hand inside your groin. You're like forever? And you're just going to have to chill here for a few weeks.

Yeah, just wait. Until it grows back. Yeah. How do you sleep? How do you do anything? It's like, how do you get dressed? That's just, that blows my mind. Yeah.

Wouldn't your skin be like real pruney when it comes out? Yeah, but that comes right. At least you've got skin on your hand and everything. It's amazing what they can do these days. Yeah. I heard the other day that they'd done something with the heart. And they were like, oh, this is the first time we've done this with the heart. Something about a pig?

Great story. Nah, because they've taken the heart valves from pigs before and they've put that into a human. Right. I'm searching heart and then news. No, it was in China. Okay. A heart survived outside a body for some record amount of time.

Oh, yeah. I saw that too. And it was just like sitting on this thing and it was creepy. It was inside of like a Ziploc bag, like a Glad Bag. Like a glad bag. Had they written on it on the white panel? Heart.

Yeah, heart. Do not eat. Not yours. And they kept it alive for I think 10 or 11 days outside the human body. Right. Just.

And what's the point of this so that they can? I think it's to develop transplant technology so that if someone dies they can get the heart out, keep it alive for longer. But are we going to be able

to live till we're like 120? Because remember that fact of the day about medical knowledge about how every Yeah, to kind of Dublin every few years. If I live to 120 how many hips

will I have to go through? Well you're already on to your second one on one side aren't you? And a wrist you've had a wrist operation as well. You'll just make

You'll be a whole new person. Just straight robot. Yeah. Just straight robot. Yeah. Just straight robot body. Yeah. Live forever. The Bachelorette New Zealand ZM Wildcard. The Bachelorette New Zealand is coming to TVNZ2

and we are entering a ZM Wildcard. And you get to pick them. You do. Yeah. We are up to Bachelor number two this morning. I'd like to introduce you to Carl Ford. Good morning, Carl. Good morning, guys.

Thanks for having me. Not Fordo. People don't call you Fordo. Not usually. Are you open to it? Yeah, I'm open to it. Fordo. Great.

Okay. All right. So we know that in my little thing in front of me, it says you do night shift work. So that's why you found it hard to meet women. Yeah. That's difficult, you know, finding time and trying to be awake and stuff. So what do you do for it hard to meet women? Yeah, that's difficult you know, finding time and

trying to be awake and stuff. So what do you do for night shift? What kind of work? I work for St John as an ambulance officer. Oh wow. And it's probably pretty inappropriate to like give your number to like a hottie that's in the back, eh? Yeah, that's not on.

That's round of course. Hey, if you survive this, here's my number. Inappropriate. Yeah, that's inappropriate. Right. Well, I'm sure that would have made a bunch of girls go, oh my God.

How do you describe yourself? I describe myself as pretty honest and I'm a straight up kind of guy. Pretty caring then, I guess, if you're a parodic. Yeah, very caring. I like to help out and go the extra mile for people would you let a date

go in the ambulance and turn the lights and sirens on yeah I suppose awesome yeah with a bachelorette

I'm sold yeah that would be a pretty cute date it would be a cute date just like do you want to play with the siren and then a call comes in yeah

well no you'd have to kick them out you're like strap, bachelorette. So what are you looking for in a potential partner? I think just someone that, you know, that gets me and we get each other and hopefully find that connection with someone to be, you know, straight up and honest with each other. Are you ready to, like, settle down?

Yeah, definitely. I'm 27. I turned ready to like settle down? Yeah, definitely. I'm 27. I turned it last Monday so. Oh, okay. Oh. Getting a bit older. Good, okay. You guys got any questions? I was just wondering like with, have you had relationships in the past? Because you said you work night shift that's obviously got to be hard to

keep up sort of a consistent socialising with your partner. Yeah. Have you had previous partners that found it too hard or? Yeah, it's just, I find it quite hard trying to, you know, be awake at certain times and doing things and going away. So it's always difficult. Right.

Okay. Well, no, that's all, that would be tough, but you're doing a very important job. Are you a dog person or a cat person? Definitely a dog person. Yes. I love dogs. Good, okay. But not stupid love dogs. Good, okay. But not stupid little dogs like yours, Megan.

Do you like little dogs? I like both. I like all kinds of dogs. Okay, right. Fletch. No, no, that was good. Just like your honest answer. I like all sorts of dogs.

I like all dogs. Yeah. Oh, well, Carl, best of luck. We've got one more bachelor to meet tomorrow. But on Friday, you can start voting. We've got one more Bachelor to meet tomorrow, but on Friday you can start voting. We've met Burnsy and now Carl. So good luck. Thank you very much for having me on.

Went to my first school production as a parent last night. That makes it sound like a frequent school production that my kids aren't in. I mean, like, I've been to them as a student. But I don't think I've been to one as a parent. What were they doing? Sweeney Todd? Cats.

Yeah. Cats is a school favourite. Primary school, yeah. Yeah. No, it was actually like an original work. Ooh. Okay. One of the teachers even wrote the songs.

Like, Mr. G. Oh, my God. You've got a Mr. G. You've got a Mr. Ooh. Okay. One of the teachers even wrote the songs like Mr. G. Oh my God. You've got a Mr. G. You've got a Mr. G. I'm Miss G. Yeah, Miss G. Wrote the songs. But I feel sorry

for every driver teacher after Mr. G. Yeah. And that whole show because yeah, everybody's parents just think their kids are kids drama teachers.

Mr. G. From Summer Heights High, right? Yeah. Chris Lally just think their kid's drama teacher is Mr. G from Summer Heights High, right? Yeah. Chris Lottie creation. So, yeah, it was – I didn't know what to expect. I didn't have high expectations. So I was quite pleasantly surprised. It was basically – it was called the Kete and the Kauri.

It was the basic story about how a kauri tree starts as a tiny seed. And so I think they were comparing themselves as a tiny. And I didn't want to bring back kauri dieback. That's obviously a problem. I don't want the kids thinking they can catch that. So they didn't wash the kids off after the production. Spray them down. Spray them down and then made them use that thing on their boots.

Yeah. But it was basically about how if we all add to the kete, we'll all be better off. Was that lost on five-year-olds, six-year-olds? I don't know. I think they'd been practising for ages, so maybe that had it drilled into them. Okay.

But they all sung different songs, and then there was this awesome aspect about kids that went to the school whose families or they had immigrated from other parts of the world. Right. So I was really impressed. And the kids came out and sung songs. I don't want to brag, but Indy sung three songs of about seven songs. By herself?

No. Because she's in the choir and her class sung a song. Oh, okay. And then the choir sung two songs. And then August came out for, they were the last ones. And they did Fish and Chips. Remember that song?

Fish and chips. Yeah. Fish and chips. Makes me want to lick my lips. Eat them for breakfast, lunch and tea. Fish and chips are for me. Has anybody else ever heard that song? Huh?

Yeah. Banger. Always sing it. Oh, never heard of it. Like in the 1960s. When I went to a DeSol one school, we didn't even have guitars. Oh my God, Dave. We had a couple of triangles and some recorders.

And the triangles were just old bars that someone's dad had bent into a triangle. Because it was DeSol one, I think think everyone, they just get broken into every weekend and all the instruments got stolen. But you'd never heard the fish and chips song? I don't think so. So they sung that because it was the big wrap-up number of how it doesn't matter where you come from, you're a New Zealander.

Right. You love fish and chips. Yeah, you eat the fish and chips. So that was pretty good. They did very well. I'll admit there was a couple of misty-eyed moments. If your kids went in this, would it have been that exciting? Oh, no.

Oh, okay. God, no. No, no, no. I wouldn't have expected. No, I don't think so. But there was some classic parental moments from the crowd. One dad wanted to video his kid, but when he turned his phone on to record,

video mode, his flash came on because the phone was like, it's a bit dark in here, I'm going to turn on my flash. And everyone was like, stop the recording, turn the flash off and restart. And didn't he just rock the whole song with this? And you even saw the kids on stage being like, what's that beacon in the crowd? It's a bloody lighthouse because he's moving it around trying to get the whole stage in as well. So it literally

looks like this lighthouse is like boom, boom. Watch out, ships at the sea. It's mad. Yeah, he did that. Couple of I think they must have been nannies with the old digital cameras, the old Sony cyber shots. Oh, yep. Classic.

I think she probably took up her whole memory card videoing two minutes worth of video. No, I was good. I was very impressed. You didn't embarrass yourself at all? I yelled out, both of the girls I yelled out, like, Go, Augie! No, you didn't. Yeah, and I was like,

Woo, Andy! At one stage. When they'd finished their songs. So I didn't want to give them pre-song. Okay. That's going to be uncool soon. Yeah. Did they look excited when you yelled that out? Yeah.

Or were they like, oh my God. And then afterwards I was like, did you hear me say, did you hear me yell out your names? And they're like, yeah, that was awesome. I was like, I'm going to do this right up until the moment I'm told I'm not allowed. You've got to get them in there. Give it a couple of years. You've got to get it in there. Yeah.

You've got to be like, whoa! Streaming it at them and stuff. And then I'll start doing it louder when they find it embarrassing. Right. Okay. So are the rules. All right. Megan, you've got the latest next.

Ed Sheeran, he's made an announcement. I'll tell you what it is next. Leigh Twornell and Megan's Bonus Banger with Moomba. So we've got $1,000 up for grabs, and it's the easiest competition ever. No, I was just going to say, someone messaged in their school didn't sing the fish and chips song either, but it was because they had an identified obesity problem. Oh, no.

And they didn't want the kids thinking it was okay to eat fish and chips for breakfast, lunch, and tea. That was probably my school day. Fish and chips are a treat once a month. Doesn't rhyme as much, does it? I sure hope this pre-recorded laughing isn't after something inappropriate to laugh at, but I just want to take a moment to say thanks to Spark for sponsoring the Fletch, Vaughn and Megan podcast. You can grab Spark's $29 prepaid rollover packs and get stacks of extra value.

Back to the podcast. So some photos have come out of Simon Cowell and everyone's like, what has happened here? It does look like he's had new teeth, or maybe just like little caps or something put on, but it's not his teeth. Nah, it's not his usual. It's very toothy. And very white and perfect.

Yeah. It could be the fact that he has rapidly lost 10 kgs. 20 pounds. Well, it doesn't equate exactly. I know that, but 10 kgs. Yeah, so he has said, people were saying to me, he's had a gastric band fitted, but I haven't. If I had, I would admit to it.

The diet's all about what you put in your body. So he met this doctor in LA and the doctor told him his diet was appalling and he had to cut out certain fatty foods and certain drinks. Right. I hate it when everyone's like, what did you do? And they're like, I just watched what I ate and stuff and they told me what I was putting on my body was bad.

It's like, you didn't need a doctor to tell you that though, did you? We know ice cream's not great, but it tastes good. But sometimes you just need that person in authority to tell you. Like the doctor to tell you to go on a diet. Like a whole pack of biscuits for dinner. That kind of thing, you know? So he does look dramatically different

to what he did. And he went on TV wearing a red t-shirt the other day. Everyone was like, what? Because he normally wears his white t-shirt,

doesn't he? White or maybe grey. Right. And he wore a bright red t-shirt. Maybe he's feeling like he's slim enough now to do that.

He's feeling himself. He's like, I can wear red now. But so the rumour was that it had a gastric band. Wow. He's denying it, but it's quite a dramatic weight loss over a pretty quick period of time. He does seem like the kind of person that would admit that if he had. But then at the same time, like, can you get one?

He wasn't big enough to warrant. He wasn't obese or anything. Yeah. That's sort of a last ditch sort of situation, right? The gastric band. Like when you're. But if he had lots of money. If you're rich enough, you could get what you want, right? Yeah.

If he's like, put a band in me, they'd do it. Like, so you don't need one. He's like, I said, put a band in me. Yeah. So I, I mean, I don't know if he's lying or not, but it led me to think about secret surgeries. So the people who do get these certain things done and then don't tell anyone about it.

Like a nose job or a boob job. Yeah. Nose job is pretty obvious though. Well, you'd think so. Yeah. The best is when someone goes in for a, like they've gone in for a medical procedure, they've got a deviated septum.

Like, well, that sounds like it's cocaine related, but it's not. But like some people just have that and it can affect their, or a sinus issue and they come out and their nose has changed shape. Well, while they're there. It was definitely a medical thing I had to get done. Oh, right. No, maybe it was, but while they're there. While you're in the area.

Yeah. Hop in and check out the shape of the nose. Exactly. So you want to hear from people that have had a surgery and haven't really told people. Didn't tell anyone about it. Yeah. Or maybe you worked with someone or you know someone

and they deny having something done, but they definitely did. But suddenly they came back from somewhere with like a noticeable butt. Bigger boobs or a bigger butt. Yeah. Or the other way around. Exactly. I don't know, do you think it's like that in New Zealand? Yes. What do you mean? Yes, we're very judgmental.

I reckon more so here than anywhere else. Yeah, because if you were in America, you'd just be saying you got it right. Yeah. Whereas in New Zealand, you've got to keep it a secret. Yeah, I feel like everyone gets their lips done in Australia and everyone just talks about it. But here, no.

But see, you can't get away with that because people come to work here and you're just like, what's happened to your lips? And they've done it on purpose. I'm using this new bee pollen lip balm and it makes them swell up. I was like, no you didn't.

You got injections. How much did you put on? Yeah. There's no shame in it, but I'd love to know if... Okay, well... Keep it quiet. Take some calls. Yeah, I just don't know if people in New Zealand will admit to it.

Like, if you're saying they've had a secret surgery in the first place. Give us a call. 0800 Dials at M 9696. Have you ever had a secret surgery or have you busted a friend? Yeah. Who's had a secret surgery? Give us a call. So we want to know your stories of secret surgeries.

Maybe you went for a secret surgery and didn't tell anyone or someone you know. Somebody just messaged me on Instagram saying they used to work for a private hospital. I'll leave names out of it, obviously. Okay, Shortland Street. Yeah, Shortland Street. People used to have procedures without even telling their husbands or wives. Eyelifts, facel lifts, the whole situation. Would you know if Mr. Toyboy came home with an eye lift or a face lift?

100%. How would they even... Are they saying they've got scratches or is it when their partner goes away or something? Maybe. How would you even stay away from your partner long enough for the swelling and everything to... And then, like, I think you stare at them the most out of anyone. Like, you'd notice. You'd be like, your face looks different.

Some text messages in. Somebody said, a girl I went to school with, so this was at school, final year of school, had to go to hospital to get her tonsils out. But I don't know, unless they put the tonsils in her breasts, I'm not sure. Because she came back with big boobs. That's quite often what they do.

I thought everybody at school wouldn't notice. Right. That's crazy at school. Somebody else said their sweet 16, they must have gone to a very wealthy private school. The sweet 16 tradition at their school was always a party in a car. Yeah. But a bunch of girls went in to get breathing issues sorted out

and came out with new noses just before their sweet 16 as well. Oh, my God. I've told you, Vaughn, while they're new noses just before their sweet 16 as well. Oh my God. I've told you, Vaughn, while they're there, just like giving away... At 16? Yeah, it's bad. That's crazy. That's really crazy. Steph, who had a secret surgery?

Hi, my sister got the gastric band surgery maybe four months ago. Okay. And my dad went over to visit her and he knows she's lost lots of weight. Yeah. And his first thought was that she was sick, as in cancer. Right. And because she hadn't said anything, and when he got back to New Zealand, my husband had dropped my sister in saying that she'd had the surgery.

And she hasn't spoken to me for two months now. Oh, but that's surely better than leaving your dad in this weird, suspenseful place of thinking his daughter's dying of cancer and just not telling anybody. Exactly. We weren't sure why she didn't say anything, but I think she was under the impression that Dad would think she'd lost it naturally.

Right. Oh, right. But what's the difference? Like, what's the difference? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no. Are you going to difference? Yeah. Oh, no. Are you going to see her at Christmas or probably not now?

Probably not. Okay, well, on a positive side, you're saving money on Christmas presents. And food. Good point. She wouldn't be able to eat burger all at Christmas dinner. No. She's not going to hog all the stuffing. No.

Because someone always takes all the stuffing and gravy. I wouldn't even waste that tiny amount of space in my stomach on stuffing. Thanks, you call Steph. Anonymous, secret surgery? My girlfriend did. She got butt implants. Oh, wow. Okay.

So this isn't the Kim Kardashian injections, like suck the fat out from somewhere, put it in your butt. This is an actual implant. Yeah, she got the proper thing. She went to Thailand and got it done. Wow. And so what happened

when she came back? Had she told you? Yeah, well, I hadn't seen her for a while because I knew she was going away. And she was like, oh, no, I found these really cool exercises

when I was in Thailand. And I was like, okay, sure you did. I'm like, cool, you can't be a bad person. No,

nobody's going on holiday and squatting. Oh, exactly. You're going on holiday and you're seeing a couple of babies. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and so she was trying to show me them at the gym because I'm a PT. I'm her PT. And I was just like, girl, you're just, you got implants.

She's like, yeah, I did. She told me it's all good. Yeah. You can't fool your PT. She's trying, yeah, I did. I mean, she told me it's all good. Yeah. You can't fool your PT. She had it for a while. Wow. Hiya. Anonymous, thanks.

You're called Tamara. Your friend had a secret surgery. I worked at a supermarket, and one of the girls got a boob drop. So she had a secret surgery, and she didn't admit it? Nah. She wouldn't admit it for ages. What? So you'd all ask her? We all sort of knew because she was flat-chested

and then one of us finally was like, where'd your boobs come from? And so that's when she came plain? Nah, she still tried to hide it from then and then one day she was just like, oh yeah, no, I got a boob job. Because it's not something you can really hide, can you? No, if it's that dramatic.

True. Tamara, thanks for your call. Some text messages. A guy I work with went to Bali and he was balding. Yeah. Noticeable. And he came back and his hair had filled in miraculously. He was gone for a few weeks.

We asked him what happened because it was obvious people said, are you wearing a wig or did you get hair plugs? No big deal, but just curiosity. And he said, no, the Bali sun made my hair grow back. So he inadvertently found the cure for

baldness, did he? Had I known this, I wouldn't have worn a hat the whole time I was in Bali to protect my bald head from the sun. Speaking of secret surgeries, did you get did you go to the dentist in Bali? Nah. Why not? Couldn't be bothered. You were all like

I'm going to save all this money, I'm going to go to the dentist. I just couldn't be bothered. It was really weird. I had the choice of like, yeah. I know, and then on the last day I was like, I never looked up where the dentist was. And I looked it up and it was really close to where we were staying too. So no, I never got that done. Somebody else said for my 21st birthday, I asked my parents to pay for my ears to be pinned back.

Oh, okay. And surgery. Got that done. No one ever really said anything. Unless they're talking about behind my back. No one ever really said anything. Unless they're talking about behind my back. No one ever really asked me. They just thought I grew into them. Oh, okay.

Maybe they never thought your ears were a massive problem in the first place. No. A lot of the time it'll just be, you know, often you're your own harshest critic. Yeah. So something you notice about yourself people probably don't even notice. Yeah. My auntie came back from holiday with massive boobs. Auntie?

I was like, what happened? And she said, oh, it's this medication that I put on for travel anxiety. It's made my breasts grow, but I'm going to stay on it for general anxiety. Oh, really? Right. So they stay big. No, you can't lie. We can all look this up and realise this doesn't happen.

It doesn't happen. I've had Botox. There's no way I'm telling my judgmental, youthful friends that I've had Botox. I'll just happily have an unmovable forehead for this. I think they notice because you don't have any expression and you're a bit shinier. They've probably had it too. Yeah. Yeah.

If you're all just sitting there unsure of each other's emotions, it may be because they've also... Are you guys crying too. Yeah. If you're all just sitting there unsure of each other's emotions, it may be because they have also. Oh, so sad. Tear. Tear rolls down cheek. Yeah, so many, many secret surgeries. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. It is New Zealand Fashion Week.

Yesterday I went to a couple of shows. Shows did you go to? I went to... What's been? What are the big names that have already been? Stolen Girlfriend. Do they save the best for last? No, not really.

They all kind of go. Paris George has been, that's a big one. I can't help but notice we didn't get invited to the Jockey Show this year. I did notice that. After Megan's lewd behaviour last year. I'm surprised we were invited back for the second year last year. We were emceeing the live stream of that. I know.

So we went from doing that to not even being invited this year. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the All Blacks personally asked that you weren't involved after the previous two years. Don't act like you two were both innocent in that either. There were some interesting comments from both of you. Mine, I was purely plutonically admiring. Same, I married. I was plutonically admiring. Huh.

Okay. Well, that fashion show's been. Yeah, and we were not invited to that one. No, yesterday I went to Lemon Tree, Ruby and Rain and Rhyme. Never heard of any of those. Ruby and Rhyme.

Yes. So, actually, just side note, that show had, like, women who are not the normal fit for what you'd expect at a fashion show. And it was like, it was amazing. It was refreshing to see. And I saw like hairy legs.

I saw just everything. Hairy legs. Yeah. Representation on all different levels. Right. I loved it. And I was front row. I went with a friend.

That's a big thing, isn't it? Being front row. I have a few,, isn't it? Being front row. I have a couple of things. Okay, so I was front row and I was real excited because I went with a friend. I was row A and he was row D. Yeah, my influencer friend was row D. It gave me great joy. Was that not pleasing?

No. Is that a thing as well? There's a bit of a pecking order? I've just got chicken so I'm all about the pecking order. I don't know how it happens. Why did you get a front row seat? I don't know. And he got a D.

I don't know. Because he's more fashionable than I am. Right, okay. So he probably should have been front row. Right. And you get goodie bags in the front row, don't you? Yes. Okay.

So I was sitting in the front row. There was a goodie bag under my seat. Then because it was just a bench, there was no individual seats. At one point they were like, can you just shuffle along a wee bit? We're going to fit more people on the end.

So I sat down and I was finishing my Instagram stories and when I got to get up at the end, I was like, I'll just grab my goodie bag. I didn't give my goodie bag.

Someone swiped my goodie bag and they were like, oh my gosh, it's got like collagen powder and all sorts of real good stuff in it. Right. Someone had swiped the goodie bags. Anyway, that's beside the point. So I was front row, all dressed up, went home.

I was feeling like pretty glam, pretty chuffed with my front row action. Right. Wearing my flash shoes. Right. I'd noticed that the blinds in my house were still pulled. The curtains? I was like, oh, it's like mid-afternoon now. The curtains are still pulled. So

I pulled the curtains back to reveal it's making me feel a bit sick in my mouth. My dog had obviously had an upset stomach. Oh God. Oh God.

And I pulled the curtain through what can be described as lava of poos on the floor. Oh, yuck. So not only did I have to clean it up off the floor, I had to clean my curtains, which had been dragged through it. How do you clean a curtain? I don't know. Can you put those in the washing machine?

Nah, surely. You can, can't you? Because don't know. Can you put those in the washing machine? Nah, surely. You can, can't you? Because I'm questioning whether that's what needs to be done at this point. It would depend on what the backing of the curtain would be. The backing's material. It's kind of like a double, like, thermal curtain. Yeah, okay, you might have a thermal curtain on your hands there. I don't know what the deal is with that.

I'd Google first. So I'd gone from being front row at Fashion Week wearing fancy clothes to cleaning up my dog's poos. It had been dragged through it. Also, question being, why was that curtain still closed?

Oh, it's totally Mr. Toyboy went to work, saw it and was like, I'll just shut this so she thinks I haven't seen it. Oh, yeah, that's a classic. Yeah, that's an excellent

because you've done this all, haven't you? I've stepped over a dog show on the way to work at like 4.30 in the morning's a classic. Yeah, that's an excellent, because you've done this. I've stepped over dog shit on the way to work at like 4.30 in the morning and been like, oh, obviously that happened at 5.30. That's not fair. Until Sade checks the cameras.

Yeah, no, because the cameras don't, she doesn't control the cameras. The cameras don't run on that particular area, but I'll happily step over that. That's because you've taken all your cameras and put them in your goat and chicken huts. Yeah, I keep an eye on the animals now. I mean, don't worry about security of your property. Nah. In your house. Well, I'm training the

chickens to be secure. To attack. Yeah, ninja chickens. Samurai chickens. Right. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The Podcast. ZM. So one couple has found a way to reduce the cost of their wedding. Actually two couples. You'll see where I'm of their wedding. Actually, two couples.

You'll see where I'm going with this. It is actually siblings. So a brother and sister split the costs of their weddings because they did it together. They held a joint reception. Which is genius because both families, all the aunties, uncles, everyone, the mum, dad, all still need to go to both of these weddings.

Yeah, that's true, that's true. And so two birds, one stone. Yeah. But you would have to be one of those sibling couples that like each other. Did you say they're twins? No. There's an age gap. So there's three years between them,

and they were just both getting married at the same time. They ended up talking about how expensive weddings were. They said when they were having the discussion that they wanted to get married at the same time. They ended up talking about how expensive weddings were. They said when they were having the discussion that they wanted to get married at the same place and they're like, actually, our colour schemes are similar. Why don't we just do it together? They reckon they saved themselves $20,000 in doing it together.

Do you think those cake places and venues, as soon as they heard it was a double, would try to charge them more? Nah. Oh, yeah, do you have two cakes? No, you'd have one massive cake. I guess you could, right? Because there's always, like, you get a big wedding cake,

there's always cake left over. Yeah. You might make it a couple of extra layers. Yeah. So you know how you're supposed to keep the top layer if you're going the traditional route and you eat it on your first wedding anniversary or something? You freeze it?

That's the old tradition. So I'm just thinking that. But you could cut that in half because you don't need a whole cake. Yeah. A whole top layer. And then maybe just one extra tear to accommodate, you know, for maybe the friends that you have that are outside of the usual. Yeah.

It's not a bad idea really when you think about it, is it? As long as you've got similar taste to your sibling. Like me and my brother. He was like bogan-ass. Yeah, he'd want like a Metallica wedding cake. He'd want it cut-crossed everywhere. He'd be like, what do you need that for? That would be terrible. We don't need

to get married in suits. Just jeans and a t-shirt. Yeah, they'd definitely be holding involved in some way. So how would the ceremonies work, do you imagine? One after another or at the same time? You'd go one after the other, wouldn't you?

30 minutes later, that's how they did it. Hot play. Also because their dad wasn't very well, so they said it was something he only had to go to one event. One outing. Yeah. That's quite genius. Yeah.

I just read it. There's another bride. Yeah, right. Just like you can't have someone wearing a white dress. Were they brothers? Brother and sister. Okay. Yeah.

So that's like... See, if they were sisters, they could almost be like, I'm sharing the day with my best friend. So that's why. And then if it's the sister sharing it with the to-be sister-in-law... I don't want to share it with another bride. Yeah, there might be something there.

Your wedding photos are with your husband or wife, right? They're not together with them. So you've still got those. And how do you decide who goes first? You're against it, aren't you, completely? Do you want to go first? Oldest goes first. So we asked online, an online poll.

This has been running for a few hours. Would you combine your wedding with another couple to save some money? 95% of people said no way. Because it's your special day. It's like, especially for the bride. You want everyone to be looking at you, not another bride. Hello. Hello.

You guys don't care too much because you're all wearing suits. But like, you only get one, or I got two, two days to wear a beautiful white dress. You only get one, two, three, four special days. Four or five, half a dozen

special days in your life. However many it takes to find the right person. Yeah. But there's no way I'd share it at all, ever. Well, 95% of the country agree with you. So, I don't think it'll be a thing. Become a thing. Fact of the day, an Australian man's signature His legal signature is a drawing of a penis

Okay Jared Himes is this guy's name Sounds like Jared Haynes, the rugby league player But it's not. Jared Haynes. He said he grew up, and I'm imagining his old man must have been one of those people that was like, don't write, don't let them take a photo of your eyes. They'll retinal

scan you. It's big brother, mate. It's big dad. They want to know everything about you. So he said he grew up always just putting a line through the signature box when he was required to sign anything. He just put a straight line through it. Right. And they'd always accepted that as a signature.

Okay. His signature was a straight line. Easy to forge. Yeah. His signature was a straight line. So one day when he was filling out some paperwork, he drew a penis. Right. Drew the outline on it.

How detailed? Not detailed. Like a little bump, big bump, little bump. Right. So, I mean, it kind of did look like a free-flowing signature. Yeah. So, while the line had never drawn anybody's anger, the Australian Electoral Commission got in touch and said,

that's not okay. Right. We don't like that. Okay. And he said, well, why not? Yeah. It's not okay. Right. We don't like that. Okay. And he said, well, why not? Yeah. It's a signature. It's simply a scrolling to identify me with, and that's what I want.

And he didn't hear back from them. So next time he got a driver's license, he had to put his signature on it. He did it again. Yeah. And they said, are you sure you want that as your signature? And he said yes. And then he started using it on everything, his bank cards and everything. It kind of got caught on and

he had to go to, he was involved in a legal battle for his rights to use that as his signature. And he went through everything to do with it. It was Vic Rhodes that ended up,

so like the roading authority for the state of Victoria that ended up pulling him up on it. Yeah. And so he went to court for his legal right to use that as his signature, and he won. He won. He paid money to... No, he defended himself.

Oh, my God. So he cared about it that much to take it to court. You still practice your signature, don't you? So do you. Every now and again I'll have a little scribble. Yeah, you guys are like, and you can hear it in studio if you just ever hear, you might not hear it on air, but if you hear like a falcon, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.

Over and over and over again. Megan does it every day pretty much. Like that, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I over and over again. Megan does it every day pretty much. Like that. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I'm the Rain Man. Because you've had to change your name. You're not.

Rain Man was solving complex mathematical situations. You're writing your name over and over. You're like the colouring in version of Rain Man. Yeah. Your name, man. Did you have to practice your signature when you changed your last name to Papadopoulos? Yeah, it's funny because I had one name.

Megan Salad. Megan Salad to Slowback's funny because I had one name. Megan Sellers. And then I changed it to Slowback. And then I had to learn a new one. Then I had to change it back and learn Sellers again. And then I had to change it to Pappas. What was the easiest? My one, Sellers. Sellers, because you started with that.

And you've got that L. It's just M-S-L-L-L-L-L-L. Do you remember when you were a kid and you learned to do the S coming in from the bottom? Yeah. Like that S. And then you just do the S. I remember the day. Your signature looks like a five-year-old has printed it out. No, I do not.

That's just my name. Because my signature doesn't look anything like my name. So I've got like a authority. Like I've got a banking one. Right. It's very 90s, my actual signature. I remember in the 90s when it was all like sharp edges and stuff. Yeah, it's very sharp edges.

It's ridiculous. Super sharp edges. But do you ever see a friend's like bank card or signature and you're just like. Oh, I read Callum as just his full name. It's not even like stylized or anything. Like they print it. Yeah, yeah. Like they print it.

Yeah, and it's shocking handwriting. Yeah. I can't find a pen that works. He has used my you gotta give it back so i can continue real jaggedy okay well i mean this doesn't really work on the radio like that it looks so ugly and like nothing it looks like nothing it does look like something it looks like if you were gonna do graffiti on a bridge well i wouldn't use that because i can take it to the bank and be like whose is this It does look like something. It looks like if you were going to do graffiti on a bridge. Well, I wouldn't use that because I could take it to the bank and be like, whose is this? And they'd be like, Vaughan Smith's.

Got his address and everything. He can freeze his accounts. There's no way anymore. Spray paint. There's no way anyone's forging that signature. I based that because in front of the V's got a big stick on it. I based that on that S that we all used to draw. It's like you put the felt down on the paper and had an epileptic fit or something.

I forgot how we did that S. Remember the S? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you do that? Triangle at the top, triangle at the bottom. And go back to school, mate. Line, line, line, line. Joint.

No, gosh, heck. I might need to. I'm actually just going to take the time now to Google how to do that S we all used to draw. And that's exactly what I want to Google. Hopefully it leads me there. So today's fact of the day is there is an Australian man called Jared. Jared. Jared.

Could be no finer name. Actually, the name Jared is a bit like a penis, but who is legally allowed to use a penis as his signature. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Some school reports, and when I say some school reports, I'm talking hundreds of school reports, were sent out in the post. Right.

500 school reports popped in the post, and they never made it to their intended recipients. Is this one school? South Wellington Intermediate. Okay. Intermediate? Yeah, the principal said that they prepaid for these envelopes. It costs a small fortune, because it does cost quite a bit to post anything these days.

I thought you took your report home with you. Or can't you get an email because it's 2019? This is the thing. They said not all their families have email. Right. 18 to 20% of their families are refugee families. Oh, okay. Or low socioeconomic families that don't have regular internet access at home.

Right, right. Or have emails that they have on the school system, but they all have to have an address when they enroll their children. Right. So they would send that address. They never gave you the report to take home because then you never gave it to mum and dad. I'm guilty of that.

Or they said previous times they had given them to the kids and then weeks later the teachers would be contacted and the parents would say, what happened to the reports? And they said, we gave them out weeks ago. And the kids would have just been like, oh yeah, it's in the bottom of my bag and pull it out and it's covered in like manky nana and like yogurt remains. Conveniently over those teachers' comments,

could do better in class if they paid more attention. Is that what you always got? Talks too much. Talks too much. Talks too much. Has the potential to learn. I swear teachers just had a rubber stamp or a... So she just concentrate. Oh, yeah, they do.

Photocopy that. Yeah, copy and paste it. Yeah, for the shitbag kids they do. For the ones they like, they put in a bit more effort. Okay. But they said they don't know what's happened. They've contacted New Zealand Post.

New Zealand Post is like, we'll look into it. Could take some time. And they were untracked. So to be totally honest, we don't know where along the chain they've fallen off. Because that's too many kids for it to be like one of those- Snaked it from the letterbox.

Yeah. Stole it from the letterbox before the parents got home kind of thing, isn't it? Yeah. Like the old NCEA results. Yeah. School C and bursary when they used to post them out, and if you knew it wasn't going to be good, you could buy yourself a couple of extra days by getting them in a mailbox before your parents. But the inevitable was always going to happen.

Your parents are always going to see that you failed. Are speeding fine? Yep. Or if you saw the speed camera flash and you knew that was coming. What happened when you got your speed camera ticket the other day? Was that in the mailbox?

Yeah. And that says it's from New Zealand police. That's way overscary. It's well scary. I was like, New Zealand Police want an email. In fact, yeah, that was probably like a good thing because I was like, what on earth could this be? But if you'd known that, say, you got an expensive speeding ticket

or you were getting an invoice for some kind of shopping thing or something you shouldn't have purchased, would you snake that from Mr. Toyboy before he got home? Yes. Absolutely. 100%. I tried to snake my results from my parents too. The trouble is when they had those,

they'd give you the grade and the percentage. So even if you managed to change, like I got an F in classics, you try and change that to like a B, the percentage is still there. Right. So it's like 30%. What is the percentage on an F?

30. Also, if you're going could be changed to an A I think you had to get 35 to pass and I got 30 You could have 3 could be changed into an 8 Just the right flick of a pen It's hard But also it was printed out so I mean it obviously

looked obvious that you'd alter that Yeah that's true Well we'd like to know what you've snaked from the letterbox this morning. What you've intercepted in the post. Right, maybe it was exam results. Yeah. Or a speeding ticket or something from your partner so that they couldn't see. Yeah.

It's hard now, you don't get much in the letterbox. No, well, like I said yesterday, like, I was away for a couple of weeks and, like, literally there was nothing in the letterbox. I was like, oh. But then you get all your bills now emailed. Most people do. So you don't get much in the mail. But maybe have you snaked something from your partner or from someone,

from your parents. 0800 dials at M. You can give us a text. 9696. How cute is this? Someone said, as a small child, I always remember my parents hating when the bills came. So I used to take them out of the letterbox and throw them down,

throw them away so that my parents wouldn't have to pay the bills. And inadvertently sent your parents to Bay Court. But then I got in heaps of trouble when they had to pay extra money for late payments because I'd been throwing away their bills. But that is actually the cutest. That is so cute. This letter's upsetting them. Oh, throw it away.

I had to snake the health results from my sexual health clinic test so that my religious parents didn't realise I was up to non-religious activities. I passed that test, pleased to report, but also got it out of the mailbox before they saw it. Yeah, nice. I have to sneak the dog toys and dog accessories so my partner doesn't know how much I spend on our puppy. Oh, yeah, those aren't cheap, are they?

Somebody else said, Mum bought, I came home once and Dad was unscrewing the back of the letterbox. I said, what are you doing? And he said, well, your mother bought a padlock for the front because she thinks our mail keeps getting stolen, but it's just I keep hiding all the stuff I don't want to see. So I come home at lunchtime and unscrew the back of the letterbox, take the stuff I don't want out and screw it back on. Because he didn't have the key for the padlock. No, she did. Angie, what did you back of the letterbox, take the stuff I don't want out and screw it back on. Because he didn't have the key for the padlock.

No, she did. Angie, what did you take from the letterbox? Well, I'm from South Africa, so our report cards used to get posted to us, but they were partially printed as well as written by hand by the teacher. So I used to always grab mine first, and I would mark out with whiteout the days that I was actually absent. But to make it more believable, I used to also make a few spelling errors and fix them as well so that my parents wouldn't know.

That's brilliant. And did you always get away with that? To this day, I actually don't think my parents know. So hopefully my younger brother who's in New Zealand as well isn't listening and won't tell them. But how old are you now? Your parents aren't going to smack your bum or anything, are they? No, I'm 41. I'm probably one day.

I just don't want them to tell my children. Oh, right. You're never too old to get told off by mum when you go back home though, are you? No. Exactly. Angie, thanks for your call. Jess, what did you snake from the letterbox? Credit limit increase on my credit card.

I got a Sephora voucher and I tried to use it online the other night and it just wouldn't work. And so I got frustrated, tried to put it through on my credit card, didn't have enough, like instantly increased it, did the purchase and I still have the $200 voucher. But Jess, I don't know about you, but my credit card, I unticked the box ages ago to get the statement. So I don't get statements anymore because you've got internet banking.

Paper statements, yeah. So you don't need to hide these things. No, that's true. I did that as well. And then I still get letters whenever they do these updates on my account. And so I was like, okay, we'll just joint that. Yeah, if your credit increased, she's going to get a letter about it. Oh, no.

Okay. So at this stage, her husband doesn't know? No, but when I come home with the Sephora purchase, which should be arriving today, and I still have the voucher to use, I might raise some questions. Just hide it. Straighten the drawers and pretend you always had it. Oh, yeah, totally. Hey, thanks.

You're cool, Jess. Sam, what did you snake from the letterbox? We used to lag school quite a bit. After three or four days of the teacher leaving, answer phone messages on the answer phone, I used to lag school quite a bit in Pokakohe. After three or four days of the teacher leaving answer phone messages on the answer phone, I used to delete those obviously and after that send a letter. So I caught on to them sending a letter after I deleted everything. And I used to delete the letter myself. And then I was eating tea in my room one night.

And obviously they'd done it behind my back. The old teacher had rung the old man's cell phone, obviously 2000s at some stage. Yeah. And I'd come out of my room and put my plate on the bench, and the bloody teacher was sitting at the table. And you can't really delay the teacher from your table, can you? No.

I ran away. I got that look from my old man, you know, just you? No. I've got that look from my old man, you know, just the raised eyebrows and I'm getting for the hills, eh? I'm going to bed.

Yeah, like you were getting a hiding when this teacher leaves kind of look. Hey, Sam, thanks for your call, mate. Some other messages.

Someone said I once took a letter out of the mailbox because it had the school emblem on it and I was like, I'm in so much trouble. I opened it,

ripped it open thinking I'm just going to dispose of this rather than steam in so much trouble opened it ripped it open thinking I'm just going to dispose of this rather than steam it open okay ripped it open made a real mess of it and found out

that the letter was actually for our current exchange student as we had an international exchange student at the time and it was saying

that the head of the international department would be coming over to check everything was okay and we would be going out for dinner

so I just put it in the bin and let mum and dad believe that it must have got lost in the mail somewhere. Back in the 90s, I'd make sure that the hubby didn't see my phone account. Due to the toll calls, I would just get there, get the phone bill out of the box. Wait, who are the toll calls to?

I don't know. It doesn't say. Well, just any call you make, it would have like a big list of them, wouldn't it? All your texts. What is she hiding? I don't know.

But when I was going away for a little while, I'd rung the post office and told them to put our mail on hold until I got home. What was this person hiding? Yeah. Who were they calling?

I failed NCEA, but it was the first year that they did it. My parents had no idea how it all worked, so I said, it was a pass for me. They were like, okay, that'll do for us. I don't know what happens next year. If you go back and do it again, or you're just like, I'm leaving school. Yeah.

So there you go. All right. Snake him. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZDM's Bree and Clint a listen too? So there you go. Snake him.