ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - December 03 2018

Episode Date: December 2, 2018

Fletch was not happy about his Secret Santa, Mosh Monday and when did your parents not want you to steal their thunder?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello there and welcome to the Fletchvorn and Megan podcast. Thanks to Spark, where you can get a new Nokia on a prepaid rollover pack starting from $19. Now, on with the podcast. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Megan. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletchvorn and Megan. Jeez, you're in prison. You can't turn up for work, lose your job. It's tough. What's the world coming to?

It's tough being in prison. I'm all for a day release that prisoners can try to live an active and normal life, you know, reintegrate to society by never being in jail in the first place. Wow. It's a confusing way. It's a confusing justice system,

but hang in there, we'll give it a go. Yeah. I might go to jail, get the last two weeks of work off. Yeah, but you can't just be in there for two weeks. White collar.

Like, fraudly. Well, what's a two-week offence then? You get to do a garden. Okay, then I'll walk into traffic and get two weeks in hospital.

Fine. I'll do what I have to do. To live with a taxpayer teat for two weeks. Not like you've got the most hard-working job, Bourne. It's not like, you know, coming to work for four hours a day.

You'll be out of here in four hours, mate. I know. Yeah, yeah, you're right. Maybe it's not worth two broken legs. Riding myself off a summer. No. It really isn't. No, it really wouldn't be.

That would be silly. I wouldn't be into it at all. Katie, did you go drinking last night? No. Sunday night? No. No, that's bullshit. I saw you drinking champagne with? No. Sunday night? No. No, that's bullshit. I saw you drinking champagne with Gracie.

I had a glass of champagne that's not drinking. Is that five nights in a row? A glass of champagne is not drinking. Megan, back me up. Six nights in a row. That's just our bubbles. And I had a red wine. And it's five nights if you're going to count it.

Yeah, she's on it. She's on the juice. Are you okay? It's the best of season. It's a silly season. This is what happens. This is what it means. This is what cool people do when they're not being lame dads. Aw.

Five nights in a row, though? So what? How many were successful in the lads department? No, go away. I think she's broken the dry spell, ladies and gentlemen. Your life is so boring. It's not boring. It's not boring.

It is. You've got a boring life. Leave me alone. I don't have a boring life. Leave Caitlin alone. Thank you, Megan. Stop it. It makes you really busy.

So just... Oi. He's got that look in his eyes thinking what to say next. It's rained. It's rained. My wife, it has rained and the grass is growing. Shut up. That's not a pubes reference.

That's just to say that the famine has broken. Bread has been broken. Fletch. Oi. I'm trying to. Coming up with a show. What's coming up in the top six? That's good.

It's good. Get it, girl. What's my top six? The top six things Katie's going to do now that the dry spell's good. It's good. Get it, girl. What's my top six? The top six things Katie's going to do now that the dry spell's over. Can you stop it? Go to that bar class she's always wanted to go to. I don't know why you had to wait. What did you do this weekend, Bourne?

Moved house. Pretty boring story. To where? To cumia. To your bloody mansion. To the country estate. And he was sending us pictures of fruit all weekend. Oh, I know.

God. Guys, I'm getting the... Do you want grapefruit or not? Because I'm getting the ladder out this afternoon and I'm going to get you some grapefruit off the tree. And I want some avocados, please. Well, that's... Megan, you just gave me an...

Megan gave me a secret Santa. She gave me an avocado tree and I think she may have gone above the traditional $20 spend. But I very much appreciate it. And she's in avocados now. No, that was my whole point is that I'm getting in early and I'm making an investment. So you can get free avocados for the rest of my life. All right, you lot.

Listen up. It's story time. Three news headlines for interesting, unusual, weird news stories that are found online. Vaughan and Megan pick one of the following three headlines. Headline one, DIC? DIC? Headline two, Argentinian TV station under fire. And headline three, substitute teacher gets real about Christmas.

Oh, I know the last one. The substitute teacher, shall we say, like gave about Christmas? Oh, I know the last one. The substitute teacher shall we say like gave away Christmas to... Yeah. What age was the teacher teaching? Yeah, they were young. Oh, for crying out loud.

On what grounds? He'd had enough. I'm thinking he had enough. You know, when you get a substitute teacher, it's a free day, isn't it, really, at school? Yeah, but when you're like super young, every day is almost a free day. Yeah. A free-spirited day.

Think back to what you did at primary school. It's just a walk in the park. I remember once we made a big caterpillar. But only because of where you've got to now. But they had to give you a rest. Yeah, true. Like you learn so much in those first few years.

Yeah, I'd love to just go to work and make a big caterpillar and then have a rest. No, because no, it would be like, no, the rest, the caterpillar was the rest. Oh, okay.

But imagine you get to work today and it's like, okay, staff meeting, we're all making a giant caterpillar. Grab some crayons and a stapler. It'd be so fun. But if you don't do it right,

you're fired. Oh, yeah, true. You know, things get exponentially more challenging. When you're six, that's quite a challenging thing to take on, you know?

True. Okay, well, which one then? Story one or two? D.I.C.? D.I.C.? Or Argentinian TV station under fire?

Oh, I don't know. D.I.C.? Yeah, D.I.C. You want D.I.C.? Yeah. Okay. I don't know DIC? Yeah DIC You want DIC? Yeah Okay But I've got an Argentinian

The fact of the day today Is about Argentina Argentina Well that's where the G20 summit is At the moment With the big leaders Oh yeah Is that what they're under fire for?

Yeah Trump? Yeah Leaving his microphone on? No not that Did you hear about that? I heard about it, though, yeah. This man's like, get me out of here.

Oh, such a good dude. We go to California now. Highway Patrol pulled over a Tesla Model S travelling down the road. Oh, damn it, I know this story. You know I'm all about Teslas. This is a tip of the fancy. Well, the driver appeared to be asleep at the wheel

while the car was travelling southbound on Highway 101 in Palo Alto. Uh-huh. So the officers basically had to, they tried getting the man's attention, but he was asleep. Because it was driving, it was on automatic. But still, they're not at the point where you can fall asleep, right? Well, no, you have to have, your hands have to be on the wheel, don't they?

So it senses that your hands are on the wheel. Otherwise, if you take your hands off, like if you do fall asleep and your hands drop off the wheel, it would just come to a stop. We don't have full automation in New Zealand because it's not legal. But in other countries, they do. Well, I feel like in America with their big freeways, it's a lot easier. Whereas here, I feel like, you know, with our windy roads, it'd just be a nightmare for autopilot, wouldn't it?

They had to get the patrol car in front of his car and slow down to his speed. Oh, wow. That would be fun, though. That's the kind of thing, surely, if you're a highway cop, you're hoping to have to do. Yeah. It was travelling at like 112 k's or something, wasn't it? It wasn't going slow.

For seven minutes, this driver appeared to be absolutely out to it. So they ended up pulling him over. They ended up stopping the car after they, I'm guessing, nudged into him. Pretty gave him quite a fright. Turns out he was also under the influence. So,

drunk in charge? Yeah. I guess it's a headline because he might not really have been in also under the influence. Oh, my gosh. So drunk in charge? Yeah. I guess it's a headline because he might not really have been in charge of the vehicle. Right, right. But you still are in charge of the vehicle because you're sitting in the driver's seat. How far off are we just being able to go out sober, get blottoed, and then have our car take us home? Yeah, I don't know if that will ever be legal.

Can't T-slides, like, reverse themselves out of your garage and stuff? Yeah, they can. Do you see online last week, some guy had a parking hack. So you know how when you're in a, say, for example, a P60, you're only allowed 60 minutes. He uses his autopilot from his apartment and he filmed it looking down to nudge into the next, to drive into the next car park. Oh my God.

When the one opens up. So even if they chalk your tyre, yeah, and he just moves it forward. So technically he's moving into another park. And then just does that all day. They used to chalk on top of your tyre, right? The treaded part. But I've seen chalking on the side lately. Side of the tyre?

Very cheeky. And it's not just a cross. It's like a code, meaning that it might be like the street you're on or whatever. Or the time. It's just a time. But on the side? Yeah. Yeah, so you can't just rub that off.

If you rolled forward and it was down the bottom, they wouldn't write on the bottom, right? It would all be where on the tyre they're right. Yeah. Okay. Because my mate's got his work car all parallel apart for you. I know, I've seen those ads. Would you trust that though?

He said it's way better than he is. I wouldn't trust myself. It's just the car. Senses where it's going, so it stops before it hits anything. It was only, what, a week ago or two weeks ago that Richmond and the Nelson area had their Santa Parade. Caused some controversy because they had the Confederate flags. Yeah, it was redneck Christmas, right?

Not good, not good. Now, Nelson's Santa Parade happened over the weekend, Nelson City. And they took a bit of a different approach. Now, this has caused confusion and upset amongst people going to the Santa parade. So Santa turned up, obviously. But he was wearing a different outfit.

So Santa had on maybe casual attire, shall we say. He had like a Hawaiian shirt on and a feather cloak. He had like a Hawaiian shirt on and a feather cloak. Korowai. Korowai. He had like a bun, a man bun.

And he looked really different. Like I think he'd had a bit of a shave too. He had like a handlebar moustache. So his summer look, because obviously, you know, summer in New Zealand. Well, it's just been the Northern Hemisphere summer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's probably coming off the end of lots of daylight hours in the North Pole. If the sun doesn't set, you'd probably get a really great tan.

Yeah. So a lot of people, including parents, had to explain to the kids why Santa looked so different at the Santa parade. And there are a lot of upset people. So I could see what they were doing because it's like quite a cool like look, it's a really cool look. It's a cool cloak but you could have that as well. Yeah, so

you need to have the traditional like when they fired, you know, the Auckland Centre and then got them back. I think we learnt our lesson there, didn't we? So it was going for biculturalism, multiculturalism, and it was a great idea.

So progressive, Nelson. So progressive. I'm vibing all that. I mean, that's great, but did there need to be a bit of a heads up? Maybe a heads up. Oh, yeah, that's why I just went to the Nelson City Council Facebook page, and there are some comments.

But this is the problem. I can see if people are genuinely like, oh, it's not what we were expecting, went to the Nelson City Council Facebook page and it is... There are some comments... I can see if people are genuinely like, oh, it's not what we were expecting and the kids are a little bit disappointed, but I'm imagining it's gone pretty... No, do you know what? It's not. It's not racist at all.

It's not racist. It's not. What? People are saying, well, they don't have a problem with Santa being a different colour at all. He's got to be wearing the traditional outfit. Because kids don't know anything else.

We've painted. It is exactly. But we, yeah. But no one's saying, no one's saying, oh, it should have been an old white guy. Yeah. They're just saying that it needed to be

dressed traditionally. But I was also upset that he shaved, you know? He shaved a handlebar moustache. Where's his beard, you know? I don't know. How would you explain that? How would you explain that if you'd gone with the kids? I'm digging Santa's man bun though.

Oh yeah, it's an awesome look. I love it. But maybe that could have been in the parade as well. Do you know, it is a kurawaya. We are saying the have been in the parade as well. It is a kurawaya. We are saying the right thing. It was red. And maybe the kurawaya could have gone over top of the traditional. Is that a dumb thing? Because that would have been awesome looking.

I don't know about what you mix. Well, he's wearing a Hawaiian shirt underneath it. So I figured he could have just worn like the red suit. Oh, right. He's wearing a Hawaiian shirt with one. The red suit under it. That would have looked so cool. Mix it up.

Yeah. How would you have explained that? I just would have said that's Santa's brother filling in. So, you know, if you're sick. Yeah, right. It's hot. Santa couldn't wear the suit today. Shaved his beard.

It'll grow back though. Yeah. Because we've watched the Santa Claus with Tim Allen. Yeah. And like he shaves and it immediately pops back out. It's the magic of Christmas.

Anything can be easily explained using the magic of Christmas. You can just explain it all. F-E-M-C-M. If you sat down to fries, hot chips.

Yep. And were to eat your fill or eat as many as you wanted to eat. Mm. How many do you think you'd eat? French fries or big fries?

Oh, bigger ones. Like fish and chips. We would have eaten a few French fries on Saturday night. Like if I held both my hands to make a bowl, that many. Come on. Yeah. No, but it'd be heaped.

It'd be heaped. How many of those? Like maybe 25? No, you liar'd be heaped. It'd be heaped. How many of those? Like maybe 25? No, you liar. That's way more. Okay, 35. Well, I ate like four at a time, so I'd have that done. Yeah, I ate a couple at a time. And what kind of, like, some of them are short.

So what I'm about to tell you is the portion of fries that a Harvard professor who is a nutritionalist expert Nutritionist. Okay, he's a professor in nutrition. That's right. I made up that word, didn't I? Yeah. He has worked out the portion of fries that you should eat. Okay. Nine. Ten.

Six. Boo! Life is no longer worth living. Six fries! Which is great news because at the rate we're eating fries, apparently our lives will be short. Yeah. But like you say, you eat like four at a time. I know.

Well, that would be me. I'd be almost out. You'd have to do two lots of three and that's it. And that's you. Done. What kind of, is he talking shoestrings? No, the photo that they used looked like fries, like fish and chips. Okay.

Fish and chips, hot chips sort of situation. Listen to this. Professor Eric Rim said they are starch bombs and half a dozen should be our limit. After that, we should appease our appetite with salad if we want to avoid life-threatening heart conditions. Look here, Professor Remy. Calm down.

Kids, fish and salad's ready. Dad's back from the shops with fish and salad. Oh, I'll be there in a minute, Mum. Just let me wash my hands. Come on. Don't use, there's got to be something slightly more appealing than a salad. Yeah. To appease our appetite with.

Because fish and chips is your cheat meal, isn't it? Yeah. Or your hungover or your treat. And imagine like putting fish salad and six chippies on the side. So apparently whilst a serving of fries

was never six, everything's getting monumentally larger. Like a serving of fries is getting bigger unless you go to a fish and chip shop where you're ordering the scoop and you notice the scoops

are getting smaller. But bagels used to be three inches wide. Bagels used to be three inches wide. Bagels used to be small. Now they're six inches. So eating, just having a bagel for breakfast now has double the calories that it did 25 years ago. Right.

Serving sizes in America are just huge. Like you always come back from holiday and you're like, okay, we've got it right here in New Zealand. We still have big servings. But they're massive. Yeah. So 25 years ago, a medium bag of popcorn was five cups of popped popcorn. Yeah.

Now it's 11. And he's just like, all these things just happen gradually to the fact where you just eat a medium. You just say, oh, I have a medium popcorn. 25 years ago, that was the size of like an XXL. Yeah, yeah. So that's why we're all, and he's just said these sorts of things when you don't think about them,

just sneak past. However, I'm on board with that, you know, trying to take notice of that. But six fries, it seems inhuman. It's what you do. It's how your parents punish you if you've been naughty, but they're getting fish and chips anyway.

They're like, six chips, then get out of here. It's a breach of human rights. It is. It is what it is. Oh, Geneva Convention. The Top Six with Vaugh human rights. It is. It is what it is. Oh, Geneva Convention. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello there. Tragic news.

People have noticed that cookies and cream, the ice cream flavour from Tip Top, has not been in freezers lately. Why? They wanted answers. Why? When can we expect it back? Where has it gone?

And all the other W's and H's of journalism. Why is the meaning of this? I don't do, I cannot do tubs of ice cream. Because you just eat it all. I just can't leave it in the freezer. No willpower. I'll just eat it all. No willpower.

So I just don't bother. I'll just buy ice creams from the dairy. Right. Right, yeah, yeah. One off, I'll get a scoop from the dairy. Exactly. Well, it's apparently apparently it's not in production and no immediate plans to bring it into production.

So it could be a cookies and cream-less summer. Are there other companies that do cookies? Yes. Yeah, right. I'm completely unpaid endorsement. Yeah. Much more M-O-O-R-E. They do a great ice cream.

And they do like these tubs with four flavours of ice cream in them. So it's like the family pleaser. In one container. One container. It's like near Poland. Cookies and cream. It's quarters. Oh, okay.

Goodie goodie gumdrops. Multiple. Oh, do they? So they do like a kids one that's like all your kids' favourites. Right. Goodie goodie gumdrops, chocolate, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, right. But then they do an adults one that's like cookie dough and rum and raisin.

Oh, yum. Like that sort of option. See, four-in-one. Treat yourself. Get a tub. But anyway, cookies and cream, tip-top cookies and cream, doesn't look like it's going to be back into production. And I'm here to tell them they've made a huge mistake.

Well, they haven't said it's never coming back. No, but it doesn't look like it's coming for the summer, though. I didn't realise it wasn't, like, popular. Obviously, enough people weren't buying it. Yeah, that they could just let it slip down popular. Obviously, enough people weren't buying it. Yeah, that they could just let it slip down for a minute. And flavours like vanilla are still a thing. I know, but you put vanilla on stuff. The top six flavours I'd get rid of rather than cookies and cream.

Number six, light vanilla. If vanilla wasn't boring enough for you, then boy, do we have a deal for you. Light vanilla. It's kind of icy. What is light that I've never had? What is like... Less cream and less sugar. Oh, why bother? I know. I'm not going to eat ice cream if I don't want

sugar. And like, if you're trying to eat well, isn't it about... You're not eating ice cream. Yeah, not eating ice cream and stuff. Anyway, thank you. Next. Number five, lime swirl. Oh no! Number five, lime swirl. Oh, no.

Get out, lime. Lime's yummy. You're a citrus. You don't belong with cream. Lime's yummy. No, I'm not down for lime milkshakes. I'm not down for lime ice creams. Oh, no, I'm all about it.

No, I love lime. Don't get me wrong. I'm with you on that. Big fan of lime. Yeah. Lime juice. Oh, yeah, but you're not eating the ice cream expecting it to taste like an actual lime. It's like fake lime.

Oh, I know. Yum, yum, yum. Fake lime. Get out of here. So lime swirl is number five. Okay. Thank you. Next.

Number four on the list of the top six ice cream flavours I'd rather get rid of than cookies and cream. Rainbow. Yuck. You're basically a mixture of banana, strawberry, and I'm told bubblegum? Yeah, that's a bit... How is bubblegum a flavour? Isn't bubblegum always flavoured after something else? You're...

No, bubblegum tastes like bubblegum. Is it Bubble-O-Bell? The blue's bubblegum, eh? Yeah. I like that. Yeah, but what's the flavour of bubblegum? It's like when you eat the blue jelly bean. But has there ever been an ice cream that's ice cream flavoured?

Hey, the flavour of bubblegum had to come from somewhere. Well, I think it was the traditional flavour. But what was it flavoured with? Someone's decided what it should be for. You're like picking all my favourites. I love rainbow. You get out of here. Yeah, trust me, this list was so hard.

I like Googled all the flavors of ice creams and I was like, you're delicious, you're delicious, you're delicious. Okay. August always gets rainbow, but it's only because

of the colors. She's like, I just want the most colorful one. I'm like, yeah, but it's not nice. It's yuck. It's yummy. Number three on the list

of the top six ice cream flavors I'd rather get rid of than cookies and cream. Number three, apricot. Yeah. What are you doing in an ice cream?

No, apricot's delicious. Get back in the jams. It's like boysenberry. It's got like little swirls in it. No, no, no. Hey, hey, hey. Boysenberry. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

That's top tier ice cream stuff. Boysenberry swirl. Yeah. Boysenberry ripple. Yeah, but apricot's the same. It's got swirls in it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I think I just will it like ice cream. Yeah. But as I said, this was a really hard one. I had to turn my back on some things that I haven't enjoyed before. Number two on the list. This is a new one. New ice cream flavor.

Cola Spider. As maybe the one child in the world that never liked mixing fizzy drinks with ice cream, I will go to war to say Cola Spider, you're not an ice cream flavour. I've never done spiders either because it just makes you cola flat and milky. It's yuck, hey? Yeah.

It's gross. Spiders are yuck. All right. Don't ruin my Coke, please. Yeah. I'll have them separately. Sure. The cola with the meal,

the ice cream followed up. Don't mix them together. Cola Spider, you're not an ice cream flavour. You're a restaurant-based abomination in an effort to win over children every week. Number one on the list of the top six ice creams I'd rather get rid of than cookies and cream is vanilla.

I understand you're the real OG of ice cream flavours, but you've served your time. You've sent out the last of the people born in the 1800s. To you, we say thank you. served your time. You've sent out the last of the people born in the 1800s. To you, we say thank you. Enjoy your retirement, but you're no longer required here. That is today's Top 6. If you're looking to buy a house, there's some scary news. This is specifically out of Sydney.

So people who are looking to get a mortgage, banks and stuff are looking at your spending habits. Well, that's not new news, is it? Including how many times you might get Uber Eats. That's a specific example that they've given. So they'll look at frivolous spending, including your dinner habits.

Uber Eats is very rarely frivolous. Yeah, so like where you go for dinner, how much you're spending and how often you're doing it and how often you're getting Uber Eats because it's a waste of money. Sometimes, especially after the weekend, you look at your online banking and you're just like,

okay. I'm really glad I said on Sunday. Because your bank has got that pie chart and it breaks down your percentage of spend on rent or mortgage and then there's just like food and stuff. Yeah. And food's always, you're a bit like,

hey, I need to rein it in. It's a big chunk of the pie. Well, there's new property reports out today at oneroof.co.nz slash property reports.

It'll tell you if you're like your suburbs hot and stuff. Right. If you own a house. Yeah. Okay. Or where is a good place to buy or if a nice suburbs where you drive through.

Yeah. I have driven through there. I always thought that was quite nice. Quite nice. And also the biggest house sales of the last 12 months are in. Yeah. One guy sold the top two houses. He sold two of his houses.

No. Oh. He owned them. Oh. So quick maths. He made 52, 53 million dollars

last year selling two houses. Oh my God. The top two homes in New Zealand. Wow. So the top 10 homes in New Zealand,

our number 10 sold for 10 million dollars. And what was number one? That was in Aramaruwera. Yeah. 27.5 million dollars a Hearn Bay home. There's a photo of it.

It's a lovely house, seaside. But the good news is, for everybody who can't afford that, like 99.99999% of people, it's right next to the water. And I'm pretty sure coastal erosion or the rising water levels will take care of that smug little purchase. That's so New Zealand of you. Yeah. I know, it's horrible.

He's got a $20 million house. It's horrible. It'll fall into the ocean. Well, he's got, he had two. He had two. He sold two of them. He's probably got another couple up his sleeve. You don't sell all your $20 million houses, do you?

And what does he know? That we don't. Yeah, what's the secret? Well, no, I mean, like, why has he sold two of his more expensive houses? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I don't know. It's around the corner. Old rich guys, you start seeing them move, it's best follow sometimes.

So it's been a big weekend. There's been a lot of work functions. Caitlin, in fact, has gone four days in a row drinking. Five. Five. Oh, no, four. Five? Four in casuals yesterday. Oh, no. It's been five. Five?

Five and casuals yesterday. Okay, guys. Yesterday will be five. Um, there's no judgment. No, no judgment. It's a silly season. It is a silly season. It's the time, isn't it? And, you know, we had our, um, we had work drinks Friday, Saturday.

Um, I woke up. You know, and Thursday. Yeah. And Saturday. It's been every day. There's been something on. It's been. This industry is encouraging. So I. Alcohol day there's been something on. It's been fun.

This industry is encouraging. Alcohol dependency. So I woke up on Friday morning. It was Saturday morning. Good to see you woke up. I did also wake up on Friday morning. Yeah, I remember you being here. So you and Drew at some stage woke up.

Saturday morning I was in quite a state. And I woke up and I was in my undies and I was going to the toilet. And that's when I opened my door. And it was kind of like there was light coming in so I could kind of see in the lounge. Yeah. I noticed some cats sick. Oh, no. And I was like, oh.

So I went to the toilet and I was like, I'll come back. I'll clean it up. And that's when I noticed I pulled the blinds up. I was like, I'm up now. Yeah. Pulled the blinds up. There were seven different vomit spots around the apartment. The cat had been sick in seven different places.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my cat, Karen, gave to me seven spew spots. Oh, my God. One is on the TV. So I start cleaning it up. And that's when I notice that in one of the spews there's Christmas tinsel. Oh no. Has your cat been out?

He's been eating because where would you have tinsel? Has he made a little pile of tinsel from when Megan Christmas bombed your house? No, although I did catch him eating a little Christmas silver present that was a tree decoration. Oh whoopsies.

So to take that off of him. He squirreled that away. In Megan's defence, he's obviously squirreled that right away. Because I always catch him eating, like he eats the little, you know when you rip open a roll of toilet rolls

and the plastic wrap is hanging off? Yeah. He chews on that. He eats, you know when you have a postage envelope and you peel off the little plastic strip

and you seal it shut? Yeah. On a career bag? I don't know, man. Nana, how many letters are you sending? Well, I've just written another letter to my grandchildren. Here's a treat for the kitty cat. You mean courier packs, right?

Yeah, I know you mean it. He eats those. He'll eat anything. And so I'm just like, oh God, what's he eating? So I'm like, this will be fine. This will be fine. Then I hear this. He's in the litter box rustling around.

And then I hear this. And he never does that. So I look around and he pops his head out of this box. It's a big box through the little hole. And he's got shit all over his head. He's shit on himself. How did he get it on his head? So he like did it on the side and then he turned around and it went all over his head.

Oh, no. And he's just looking at me like. Yeah. Just like, oh, my God. And I'm in my undergound. I'm so hungover. I'm like, I can't deal with this. That happened to me once when I was hungover

and when I lived in Hamilton and I fell asleep in a shower tub. I don't want to talk too much about it, but it was very, I even made that noise. And then he kind of got out and stood on the carpet and then he went to shake his head and I just grabbed him by the throat. I was like, no. He grabbed him by the throat. The poor dude's just shat on himself.

Show some compassion. Well, I kind of grabbed him by the neck because he had shit on his neck. So I picked him up and I just put him in the sink and I just ran the tap under him and he hated it. But I was like, oh my God. Well,

you got poos on you, mate. Yeah. And then I dried him and I was like, this is good. Like he's all, and then I gave him

a sniff test and he smelled, still smelled like poos. Oh yeah. And so I had to get the Eco Store body wash, a coconut vanilla. Yeah.

You washed your cat with human body wash? But it's Eco Store. I don't have that. Isn't that a no-no? I don't know, a coconut vanilla. You washed your cat with human body wash? But it's Eco Store. I don't have that. Isn't that a no-no? I don't know, Vaughan. I don't have cat Eco Store wash. Cats clean themselves, eh?

Yeah, but he can't clean his head. That's true. Yeah. But he actually has. No, because they look, they're poor and all that. But then you know when I'm looking, there's poor and there's poos. But then he smelled real good. He smelled like vanilla and coconut.

I was like, this is good. Okay, tropical cat. Yeah. And then I woke up this morning and he'd shed on his leg. So, yeah. Oh, he's having issues. Because he's on, I had to take him to the vet. He's on like soft cat food that makes you like.

Poo yourself. That can pass through yourself. Yeah. Right. It's like you've got child. I've been finding a lot more tinsel in the cat litter box. So he's pretty much passed it all, I think. This is a warning for cat owners.

How festive. Yeah. Festive poo. It's quite glittery. It's very December. See if you had a dog, a dog that had just passed right through a dog. Dogs evolve to be able to eat anything. Yeah, right. Straight through. Amazing creatures. I was wondering, could we take some calls

this morning about the things you have to deal, you've had to deal with hungover. Oh yeah. You know like when life and your world just comes crashing down and you're hungover. It's all good the time, but the next day reality hits. Yeah. You wake up and something's going wrong and you've got to deal with it and you're hungover and you just can't. I had to deal with an attempted car theft once when I was hungover.

Yeah. I heard someone wrangling into one of the cars we had at our flat and I was like, I looked out the window and it was this guy and he was jimmying the, you know, you stick something down

and you try to pop up the little, and I was like, hey! And he looked and he kept going because I must have looked like I wasn't really doing it.

So I walked to the front door and there was a hammer there and I threw a hammer at him. Oh my God. Yeah, I didn't really think about it. You know when you're hung over you just kind of act

real impulsively. I mean, you could have killed him. Could have. Yeah. Missed. Took the wing mirror off the car. Yeah, I didn't really think about it. You know when you're hungover, you just kind of act real impulsively. I mean, you could have killed him. Could have. Yeah. Missed. Took the wing mirror off the car. Oh, great. But he scarpered.

And now you've got a broken wing mirror. The car's still here, but the wing mirror was broken. Yeah, right. But not all heroes wear capes. Some throw hammers. Did you go back to bed hungover? It was a bit like Thor. Yeah, right.

Except I was like bald, had a gut. Yeah. The hammer didn't come back. If I was in the Marvel movies, let's say they wouldn't be making billion dollar box office. No. Alright, so 0800 dials at him. You can text as well. 9696. What did you have to deal with hungover? FEM. Talking about what you've had to deal with when you're in a

hungover state. Maybe your world's just come crashing down. Problems have happened. Fletcher's cat pooed on his head. Not on his head. His own head. His own head. Clarification needed. And I had to wash him with body wash.

And now he smells like vanilla and coconut. Delicious. So we want to know what you've had to deal with hung over. Some text messages in. Somebody said they were really excited to go out and they didn't notice whereabouts they parked their car anywhere they went out, got on the Razz,

and the next morning woke up to a bunch of phone calls saying your car's about to be towed. It seems I had parked across a church's car park entrance. So Sunday all the parishioners are like, get in there and worship the big JC. And I was still pretty drunk. I had to go down. Yeah.

And I got the priest to move my car. He was late into the church because of the car being moved, but then everybody else had to park around the road, so. Brilliant. The priest is like, maybe you should come inside. Thanks a bit, Father. Thank you. Move my car for me.

Kerry, what did you have to deal with hungover? I had a situation where I'd had a really, really hard night and I'd sort of gone home, stripped my clothes off and jumped into bed and we always had a lot of clothes on the floor and the next morning I got up and I went to put my jeans on and I had some poos fall out. And I went, oh, I must have pooed myself last night. I must have been that drink.

And I was horrified. I like how all that you gave him was a, oh, I must have pooed myself. Not like a, oh, my God, I pooed myself. I'm a terrible person. It's just like, oh, well, I must have pooed myself. Exactly. And then later on that afternoon, I saw our house's cat in amongst the clothes having pooed.

So it was actually the cat who pooed in the clothes, not myself. I was so relieved. Kerry, could you not normally differentiate between a human and a cat poo? Yeah, I can, but it actually was a solid, and it looked like a proper human poo. Was it quite girthy? Like, how does a cat birth that? I have no idea. And the thing that made me think it was mine

is because it actually fell out of the trouser leg. So I was like, no, I definitely... Well, Kerry, give yourself a pat on the back for the day you didn't shit yourself. Exactly. Any day where you didn't poo your pants after being drunk is a good day. Thank you, Kerry. We've actually had a double lineup of Kerry's this morning. Kerry, too, good morning.

Hi, good morning. Good morning. What did you have to deal with, hungover? It was my ex-husband. He was in the guest bedroom of a friend's house, and he also had our two-year-old. So while he was having a little lie-in, the two-year-old went into this random person's laptop and removed all the letters, all the keys. So he said he spent hours and hours searching the room to try to find all the keys, and there was only one he couldn't find, and it was the letter P, as in Peter. Yeah.

And he said he finally gave up, and then he changed our two-year-old's nappy, and he found the P inside his nappy. Had the P been right through him, or the kid had just tucked it in the nappy for safekeeping? No, ironically, yeah, it is a little ironic, but no, it was just tucked inside the nappy. That's a good place.

Wow. Brilliant. All right, yeah, it is a little ironic, but no, it was just tucked inside the nappy. Oh, that's a good place. Wow. Brilliant. All right. Got to pee in the nappy. Kerry, thanks. What have you had to deal with? Drunk? Some hungover?

Some text messages? Someone said, I'm a vet nurse. Had to work on a Saturday. Very, very hungover. Ended up having a dog that ate in chocolate, so I had to catch its vomit. And then I spewed on the dog. But then you'd easily be like, the dog spewed on itself. Yeah.

As long as no witnesses were around, you'd be like, this is filthy. Unless he was spitting kebabs. But it's on easily be like, the dog speared on itself. As long as no witnesses were around, you'd be like, this is filthy. But it's on the top of its head. Oh, look, I didn't know. Wind. That's what happened. Had a very, very drunken flat party. One of those parties where you're like, I'm going to take it easy tonight because I've got something to do tomorrow.

And it just absolutely blew out. Had to deal with kids dancing registration the next day. 200 kids and their very needy stage parents. With what I would say would have been a top five hangover of my life. Oh, dear. Yeah. What are we, 22 days away from Amitabh Mechidamia?

Do you want me to go to christmasclock.com? Yeah, so 22. Yeah, 21 and 16 hours. Yeah, 22. Let's give it a round up because then you're going to be disappointed if you counted down 21. 22 days away from Christmas.

And we had the ZM Christmas party on Saturday and the secret Santa, the work secret Santa. And I think everybody did really well. There wasn't as, usually we do it like

real jokey and stupid, but I feel like everyone put a bit of heart into this one. Bit of heart. Bit of heart. Bit of heart and soul. Yeah. But I don't like when everybody knows who their Secret Santa is.

No, I don't either because it takes away the fun. I want it to still be secret. No, but then you want to say thank you to the person who got up here. No. I could have guessed most of them. You could announce it. I know who you were. I was saying to everyone, you're welcome.

You were claiming everybody's gift. I was claiming. But that's the thing, you don't want to know. It's a secret. It was so obvious who you gave presents to, Fletch. Who was it that he gave presents to? Well, it would have been James because he gave him just a roll of instant candy. I'm not saying.

I'm not saying. In a box with a box of paper, a ream of paper, and then underneath it the thing was hidden. Oh, I wouldn't have done that. Yeah, that's a classic Fletch. I wouldn't have done that. That is classic Fletch using a ream of paper box. I think, have done that. Yeah, that's a classic fletch. I wouldn't have done that. That is classic fletch using a rim of paper box. I think, Megan, you actually won Secret Santa

buying Vaughan an avocado tree. Well, I went on and on about it, but it was also a little bit selfish because it was an investment. But this is what you do. You start announcing your new hobby late October. Yep. And you just do it quite loudly, what you're really into, and then you get what you want for Christmas.

Like I'm expecting a lot of avocado or power tool-based Christmas presents this year because I've just been talking about them for like the last couple of months. You keep saying a shout-out. She's like, how was your day? I'm like, well, I wasn't filled with enough drills, I'll tell you that much. She'll be like, what do you mean? I'll be like, what do you power saw mean? It's all subliminal.

I mean, if she doesn't get that. It's subliminal. You just sit in she doesn't get that. It's subliminal. You just sit in there. She's like, how was dinner? I was like, it was absolutely... Gucci handbag. Lovely. Yeah.

I was just trying to get another power tool. God, that one, power sore on a drill. I've got to really get a branch out of it more. Yeah, I know. Because, yeah, she's probably doing it back to me and I don't even know. But Megan gave me an avocado tree, a type of avocado I don't have because I've got two, three, four, four avocado trees now. Okay, it's a cool story.

And one of them is a Cleopatra. I'm not finished. It's a Cleopatra avocado. Now, this is a late winter avocado, which is a great time because that's when avocado is quite expensive. I'm only interested. You are not getting any avocados from the Cleopatra tree. No, it's called Cleo.

Don't kill Cleo. I won't. Okay, good. Her name's Cleo Pappas. When you start bringing in free avocados is when I'll start paying attention. So gifts were being handed out and I said, where's mine? What about me? What about me?

I said, what about me? And that's when somebody said, no, Fletcher's is at the end. And I was like, well, here we go. I'm going to be taking the piss out of. It's a stitch up. It's a classic. Because I was quite vocal last week. Don't get Fletch started.

The regular segment where I have a whinge. I said that workplace secret centers are a waste of our money and that we should just, it should be work giving us a present. Yeah. You know, because when you looked around that room you guys won out but some people really got a crap present didn't they i think you're always happy with what they got some people i was like they're not happy with this clint loved his reindeer glasses he wore them all night yeah but he's not wearing them again is it no he'll wear them for family christmas

talk of rotaru when he heads home for christmas yeah he'll forget about it by june what did you get caitlin you got some crystals didn't you i gave crystals to val oh you gave christmas did you charge them before you gave them to her because nothing's worse than getting flat crystals on christmas day you're a that is me she went to re-energize her jujura wait a minute these are flat these are flat don't be. These were charged under the last full moon while howling like a wolf. Hold on just a minute. Which I'm born don't believe in it, so no one's allowed to. It's not you're allowed to, but you can expect a mocking.

Always take the piss out of PJ for having an earthing blanket. It's like, what are you doing? Just lying on the ground. Earthing herself into the ground. Anyway, so it gets to my secret Santa at prison. And I open up my, It was a two-parter Open up a sealed envelope And inside it, a lump of coal

Well, off to a good start Well, that's exactly what you deserve Because you've been a very naughty boy And that's when, in the boardroom They bring up the big screen TV And there is a video message Which is part two of my secret Santa present. There is a flash on the screen.

You got the audio? I do, yeah. The flash on the screen, all you need to know is leader of the National Party, Soyman Bridges, pops up on the screen. Fletch, you've been a very naughty boy this year. Santa's told me some incredibly bad things about you. So cheer up and stop being such a bloody grinch. Actually, if you'd been a good boy and you'd done the right things at this wonderful time of year,

I was going to take you for a panini and a bowl of latte with my friend Paula. As I say, you haven't been. Enjoy the gift that you deserve, mate. Could you imagine? Wow. Yeah, so there you go. Thank you, Simon, for doing that for us. Thank you, Simon Bridges. Thank you, mate. Could you imagine? Wow. Yeah, so there you go. Thank you, Simon,

for doing that for us. Thank you, Simon Broadjaws. Thank you, Simon. Lovely. That was wonderful. Probably your best work of the year. I'm going to go out there and say that. An absolute stitch-up.

Well, balls in Jacinda's court now. I've tagged her in the Instagram post. Oh, really? To ask if I made her naughty or nice list, and she has, as yet, the Prime Minister of the country has not replied. Unbelievable. She's got better things to country has not replied. Unbelievable. Probably.

Back to that like that lump of coal and that video that cost nothing. Like I still haven't had my $20 worth of value from the secret centre. There was no thought. You were like there's no

thought and it's useless and stuff. You'll have that forever. So can you put a value amount on that? I don't want that forever. You know what I mean? And I don't have a fireplace to burn the coal. So I'm down Secret Santa. But it's the effort.

I have nothing for Christmas. Nothing. It's the thought. Owen has an avocado tree that will give him years and years of fruit. Yes. It's an investment

of which I'll reiterate again, you're not getting any. from the leader years of fruit. Yes. It's an investment, of which I will reiterate again, you're not getting any. I've got a video from the leader of the opposition. Cool. Can I spend it? No. Can I eat it? No.

Can you enjoy it and think, oh, someone put some effort into it? A little bit. A little bit. But I have a feeling I'm entitled to that. Well, do you know what? According to the latest political poll, 6% of New Zealand would really love that.

Oh, my God. So think about the 6% that would really like that. Stop being a little botch. I'm not being a little botch. That's survey. Survey says. We had a ferocious battle. I mean,

it's been ongoing behind the scenes for a little bit, and it keeps rearing its head, and on Friday it really came to the point where we need to sort this out. Yeah. Because going into Christmas, a Christmas movie is essential. And there's those lists going around of you can watch a Christmas movie every

day in December. And it's kind of a countdown in a way. Like the best one's always the one on Christmas Eve. Now, the list I saw that I was all about had Elf on Christmas Eve. Because Elf starring Will Ferrell, arguably the greatest Christmas movie that there's ever been. For our generation. So we can now argue about it. No.

No, no, no. So let's kick this off. Let's involve the people because Megan and Caitlin's with you on this one is that you believe it is not the greatest Christmas movie. You believe. Love Actually is the greatest Christmas movie. It has everything. It has heartbreak.

It has love. Producer Caitlin. It has laughs. How many times have you seen this movie? Because you watch this like mid-year. You watch this quite a lot. Yeah, like just any sort of pick-me-up time I need a pick-me-up or anything like that, I just lie down in bed with a wine.

So what time of the year do you swap out Bridget Jones for Love Actually? Oh, well, it kind of just depends on the mood I'm in. Right. to swap out Bridget Jones for Love Actually? Oh, well, it kind of just depends on the mood I'm in. Right, okay. If I need like a bit of, like if I want to believe in love, I watch Love Actually. If I'm like, screw love, Bridget Jones.

Sometimes, I mean, it's got the heartbreak in the middle because like what happens to... Oh, spoiler alert. Snape does the duty, doesn't he? Yeah. That's the worst part of the movie when she's crying. But I'll watch it twice at Christmas every year. he? Yeah. That's the worst part of the movie, when she's crying.

But I'll watch it twice at Christmas every year. Twice? Yeah, I watch it early and then I watch it again. There's always like public screenings. The thing that annoys me is my wife waits till it's on TV and wants to watch it. I know, I like that because it's like you're watching it with everyone. No, it's on Netflix. You don't need ads.

Yeah. Watch on a demand service. There's just something about watching it with like, you know, everyone's watching it at once. So, I'm pretty keen to kick this off. Yeah. We've got a list of Christmas movies and over the next little while we're going to be whittling it down until there is only one. One winning

Christmas movie. And starting it off, some have said that it's the battle of the big battle early in the game, but we need to solve this once and for all. Yeah. It's going to be Elf versus Love Actually. Oh God.

In our Christmas movie. But the thing with Love Actually is, it's just a rom-com that's at Christmas. That could be at any time of the year. There's nothing crucially Christmas about Love Actually. The whole, it's about all of these lives and how Christmas can be heartbreak, it can be joy, it can be everything.

It could happen at Easter. Yeah, that could be July 4th. Elf is quintessentially a Christmas movie. It couldn't happen any other time of the year. It's heartbreak. Yeah. I get overwhelmed. There's the emotions.

It's funny. It's goofy. It's good. But it needs to be like second or third. It's for the whole family too because love actually might take some explaining. Well, Timmy, he's cheating on his wife and he's buying jewelry for another woman. So if you go to our Instagram, FEMZM, our festive film fight is up. Now, I just voted.

Oh, shit. What did you vote? Love actually's already winning 64. 60 what? 64% of 36. Oh, okay. I thought you meant like, I don't know how that percentage worked. I thought you meant 62-4. Oh no.

I'm like, what? Where's the other 30%? No. I'm gonna go 68% now. Oh, suck it. I'm gonna Yeah, it's still, yeah. Wow, okay. Oh, it's. I'm going to... Yeah, it's still... Yeah. Wow, okay. Oh, it's not there for me.

I can't... I've been excluded from voting. How does it feel to be in the minority? Voter registration. Okay, Alf. Damn it. I did nothing. That's what voting feels like.

36%. It's at 33% now. That's what it is. Come on, guys. Get real. Go and vote for Alf. You can't beat love, actually. It's all the emotions.

Our Instagram poll, eh. I don't need all the emotions. I just want the good half. All right, so I guess over the next week or so, we'll, I guess, have these movies fighting out and then get the ultimate Christmas movie. Somebody said they sat down to watch Love Actually with their children forgetting about the porn stars.

Oh, yeah, what's this? That's not for everybody. No. Bit of explaining. Yeah. So vote on that and we're going to have other Christmas movies. So even if Love Actually wins us, it might not win overall. Now, are we including the classic Die Hard movie that was at Christmas?

We are. No, but Bruce Willis said that is not a Christmas movie. Shut up, Bruce Willis. Yeah, but... 2018 Bruce Willis doesn't know Jack. No, the 1980, Bruce Willis. Yeah, but... 2018 Bruce Willis doesn't know Jack. No, the 1980s Bruce Willis. He would have... Mosh Monday!

Alright, I think there'll be a few volney people today around the country because it was a big weekend. A lot of Christmas... Like, we had Christmas parties. I'm a bit volney people today around the country because it was a big weekend. A lot of Christmas. Like, we had Christmas parties. I'm a bit volney today. All weekend. Megan, Megan. Aunty came out to us.

I know. I saw an after midnight Insta story and Aunty was still out. What's the time? Yeah, do you know? Because Andrew woke up yesterday and I was like, oh, I'm so great. I'm so great. Went to work and I was like, oh, my God.

Kill me. Oh, yeah, yeah. Get them out of the house and then you're just like. And they message you. They're like, how are you going? You're like, oh, I'm so great, I'm so great. Went to work and I was like, oh, my God, kill me. Oh, yeah, yeah. Get them out of the house and then you're just like. And they message you, they're like, how are you going? You're like, yeah, great, great, great. I've been up doing everything. Just doing some cleaning. But it was rare that you were out that late.

Yeah, I know. Good one, too. Like, what are those moons? Blood moons. They don't happen all the time. Blue moon. Or a solar eclipse. It's a treat, you know?

Yeah, it's a treat. So there'll be some lonely people. It's time for Mosh Monday, a song where, I don't know, we go back to somebody's past, a song that means something to them emotionally. And Ash joins us this morning. Good morning, Ash. Hey, guys. How are you going?

Good. Now, how old were you when this song meant, like, you know, got you in the feels? Oh, I think I might have been about 17. And I had just broken up with my first, I don't know, high school sweetheart, would you call it? Did you break up with him or did he break up with you? He broke up with me.

Oh no. Now I know, because I researched this song, I was like, this was on a movie or a TV show. This was in Grey's Anatomy. And you know that if a song was in Grey's Anatomy, it got you in the feels. Yeah. Because they'd always pull out a song like this when someone died. Do you know what part year did someone die? When in Grey's Anatomy, was it when Denny died?

Nah, that was that Snow Patrol song. You know that? If I were here, if I just lay here. This is a different song. So how long were you with your high school sweetheart, Ash? We were, well, funny story. We were together for maybe like a year or so. And then we broke up and then this song came about and then we got back together for a few years.

But that's longer now. Wait, so you were a year. How long were you apart before getting back together? Oh, probably like a year or so. Okay, so reset the clock. Definitely can't say you were together three years. You were together for one year and then two. And then two Definitely can't say you were together for three years. You were together for one year and then two. And then two.

You did two stints, totally three years. So, okay. And did this song get you back together or did it just get you through that year? So, hey, we broke up and then as I was leaving his house after we broke up, it was on the radio and I was just like,

that's it, That's the one. And it just spoke to me as it does. And then I figured out what the song was. And I went home and I downloaded it on LimeWire. On MP3. And gave your computer a raft of viruses in the process. Broke the law as well. You wouldn't download a handbag, would you? No.

And then my little car that I had at the time It was like a 1980 something gym shoe on wheels It just had a cassette plan So I plugged my little MP3 into the little cassette thing You know how you could Yes And then I would drive around Dunedin emotionally singing it and sobbing And that was it

You have painted the most beautiful picture of this entire situation I know, isn't it lovely? Wow, okay well why don't you introduce your song to everybody for Mosh Monday Ash You have painted the most beautiful picture of this entire situation. I know. Lovely. Wow. Okay, well, why don't you introduce your song to everybody for Mosh Monday, Ash? My Mosh Monday song is Anna Nalek, Breathe. 2am. Alright, here it is. ZM, Mosh Monday. Can you help me unravel my latest mistake? I don't love him.

Winter just wasn't my season. Yeah, we walk through the door so accusing their eyes like they have any right at all to criticize. Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason But you can't jump the track with lying cars on the cable And life's like an hourglass glued to the table No one can find the rewind But now you say it if you understand. And breathe.

Just breathe. Oh, breathe. Just breathe. Oh, breathe, just breathe. ZM, Bleach, Wannamag and Mosh Monday. Oh, right in the feels. Anna Nalick, Breathe, 2am. I forgot that song even existed.

Two episodes of Grey's Anatomy. So Megan's done some extensive research. The big episode that that song featured in. I thought it was going to be like a death or something. No. It's when Meredith takes the bomb out of some guy's chest. So he had a bomb in his chest and yeah, it's like. Who put the bomb in there?

I don't know the details. Was he a suicide bomber? No, they wear it on the outside of the chest. And then she has to carefully hand it to like the bomb squad. And it's intercut with Bailey giving birth. So it's like happy, scary,

happy, scary. All the much. Stupid shit. Grey's Anatomy. I don't watch Grey's Anatomy. Never have. But every time I tune in, I'm like,

this is ridiculous. Like, but people are like, I just love that show. It could run forever. I'd watch every episode and watch reruns. And I tune in and I are like, I just love that show. It could run forever. I'd watch every episode. I'd watch reruns. And I turn to them like...

You can't come in halfway. You guys have a problem with fantasy and sci-fi, but you'll watch some woman with her hand stuck in some dude's chest because there's a bomb in there? He's saving his life. Come on. Come on. Come on. It was a big bomb too. It wasn't little.

Come on. Now I want to talk about a video I saw over the weekend. This was put up by the one and only Mariah Carey. Carey. She's in the car with her two children, Morocco and Oregano, I think. She's gone for a spice draw. Paprika. Spice draw combo With her kids names there

And she's singing Her famous Christmas song All I Want For Christmas Is You Right If you listen to this I've got the audio From the video clip here That's her singing

Along with herself Okay But She's only letting Her kids sing back up. And listen. Next part. Here we go.

Next part. Here come the oohs. Here come the oohs. And then ooh. She's only, she's like singing along with herself, mouth, like lip syncing, but the kids are only allowed to sing backup and not her main bits.

I mean, I know she's a diva, but these are her kids. I showed Megan this video, Megan's like, they're not wearing seatbelts. I was like, the bigger crime here is that the mother is not letting the children shine. No, she's only letting them sing the backup for her very famous Christmas song. That's probably paid for the car that they're riding in and the driver that's driving it. Yeah.

I would love to know this morning on 0800DOLLS.EDM. You can text 9696 when your parents wouldn't let you steal their thunder. Like, I think this happens a lot with old mates who have sons, and the sons are like, you know, get to be big, but the old mates got to prove that, no, no, no, no, I'm still the alpha male here. I'm still the big dog around town, okay? And so they won't let you do certain things.

Or there'll be mums at Christmas who wouldn't let, like, their kids steal their Christmas thunder, like, doing Christmas dinner. Yes. I don't want to say too much because this is going to be me. Everyone will be like, oh my god, your kid's so cute. I'll be like, ah, what about me? Have you seen his face? I made that.

It's weird that you're doing that. You've got the kid, let the kid have their moment. And they'll be like, oh my god, Megan, it's first steps. And you're like, well, I can walk too. Look how cute I am. See that dud kid walking heels. But most parents are all like, look at my kid, look at my kid.

Oh, you want to hear from the... Until that kid starts doing something that the parents... Outshining them. Yeah, 9-4. Okay. Cute to a point. You can't outshine me. I remember my dad, when we were cutting firewood, this is a weird thing, but we're not like, we don't have skills.

So this is as close as it gets. And he's like, oh, no, that bit's too heavy. We'll pick it up with a tractor. I'm like, we'll be able to pick that up. And he's like, don't even try. Don't even try. I was like, why? He's like, just don't try.

And I was like, and I picked it up, and he's like, I told you not to try. And he was really like, I couldn't pick it up. Because you could pick it up. He was like, oh, it's going to be too heavy. But then I picked it up and he was like, I told you not to try. I was like, oh, don't worry about it. But then I worked out later he didn't want me to be able to pick up something that he couldn't pick up.

That's just getting old, eh? So anyway, we're having him euthanized next week. He had a good run. He had a good run, but much like lions, you've got to kill the weakest member. Can you wait till after Christmas?

No, that's when it gets expensive. Everyone's putting down their grandparents after Christmas. Get one last Christmas out of them, put them down,

you want to get in for a pre-Christmas euthanisation. Okay, so 0800-Diles-ZM. Listen to yourself. You're not getting a Christmas present from Dad this year.

And this is a hell of a way for him to find out. Yeah. So 0800-966. When did your parents not let you steal their thunder? We're talking about when your parents did not let you or did not like when you stole their thunder. Mariah Carey over the weekend releasing a video

of only letting her children sing the backup parts. That's pretty gold. You can see the look in her eyes. She's like, no, still. I'm still the boss parts. That's pretty gold. You can see the look in her eye. She's like, no, still. I'm still the boss here. I'm still the big D there.

So we want to know when your parents wouldn't let you steal their thunder. Or if you did, they were just not impressed about it. And especially

when you get older and you can start to do things maybe better than them. I know. Some text messages and I actually stole my old man's thunder

He was the one In the family Knowing at funerals Or family get togethers It would get up Sort of MC The entire thing Always have a couple

Of cracker jokes Make funerals A little bit lighter And a bit more enjoyable At my auntie's funeral I had a little bit Of liquid encouragement And I became the one

That ran things And made everyone laugh Old mates are the MCs He was not happy about it Your dad has the one that ran things and made everyone laugh. Old mates are the MCs. He was not happy about it. Your dad has the one thing. Yeah. Just give it to him. Dad, we're the Toastmasters.

I know they hate it. They hate being upstaged. It's saying you broke the Toastmasters golden rule there. You went against the head Toastmaster. Some text messages in, and it's not even just about... Singing. No, it's not even just about singing no it's not even just about actual parents in-laws I hadn't even considered the in-law

my mother-in-law sat outside all day last Christmas and didn't talk to me once because I stole Christmas off her she said the fact that I had demanded that I host Christmas had also resulted in her going on antidepressants the week before Christmas. Jeez.

And she announced this at Christmas. Because sometimes you think you're helping and you're like, I'll do Christmas. Like, I can cook. I'll do all the cooking and everything. You think you're helping, but you're actually taking it away from what they... But then what about the ones that are all like,

oh, it's so much effort. It's so much effort. And then you take it off in a minute. Like, well, that's bloody typical. No, but you know, like, oh, it's so much effort. It's so much effort. And then you take it off and they're like, well, that's bloody typical. No, but, you know, I think they say it's so much effort because they want you to be like, thanks so much. You're a legend. Yeah, right. Ringy.

Good morning. Good morning. Who now? Was this your daughter that was upstaging you? Well, she tried to. Well, you put her right back in her spot. I sure did. No, you put her right back in her spot. I sure did. No, it was her 16th birthday.

She had a whole heap of friends over for a sleepover and party. And they were playing Sing Star. And she has an amazing voice. And she was like, come on, Mama, you should go against me. We'll sing Valerie, you know, a classic Amy Winehouse song for the altos among us. Yeah. Yeah, girl.

And I was like, yeah, yeah, that's fine. I said, are you sure you want me to do this? She was like, yeah, I could totally beat you now. So we played, and I won. And I dropped the mic at the end, and boom, in your face. And she cried in front of all of her friends. Oh!

You let her have it in front of her peers. You know, you can't think she's great. You've got to make sure they're all good and they know the pecking order. You put her in her place. Brilliant. Thanks, you're cool. Angela, what happened?

In the build-up to our wedding, my mum's an opera singer. And so she started telling everyone that she had a performance coming up. Oh, okay. And so when the order of service came out there was lots of edits in it so not only was she listed as the mother of the bride but it was also after every song performed by performed by and then at the last minute we had a string quartet for her because she'd requested it and the last minute an extra woman turned up and mum had flown in her opera singing mate to

bring on us an amazing duet for her. And mum cried throughout it because it was her favourite moment of our wedding. So your mum was like, I know it's your wedding but it's also a chance for me to get back in front of a crowd and me and Juliet are going to sing songs that we sung when we did operatic theatre.

And matching gowns. Oh! Mum, it's not your day, Mum. That would have been amazing, though. But yeah, she's like, well, I'm going to have a great moment, too. Oh, yeah, no, she got to bring me down the aisle with her voice. Wow. That's brilliant.

All right. Thanks, Angela. Some text messages. I was in the stages of learning guitar. I wanted to show my dad, and there was a few people around. He's been playing guitar for 40 years. I said, Dad, what do you think of this in front of a small crowd? And he said, that's really good, but can you do this?

And then launched into 15 minutes of Calypso strumming with wicked chord changes and outshone me in front of everybody. It's like your dad's like, it's all right, what about this? Not today, boy. I'm still alpha dog around here. Somebody said we were playing the family game of Christmas cricket. Oh yeah.

Tradition in our house. My dad's always been the cricketer, but as we started to get older, we used to belt him around when he'd come in with his speed bowling, belt him around. And his generation and our generation, we only had to get four more runs. Dad came in to bowl, and he looked at me, and I decided I'd let him bowl me out.

They couldn't have it over their dad because it was just like pride and joy to win the cricket. I would have belted my old man right out of the paddock. Yeah, same. Come to win the cricket. I would have bowled with my old man right out of the paddock. Yeah, same. Come back next year harder. Scorched him. Said, guess what? There's a new king in town.

Me and my mum share a birthday. When it was her 50th, she said she was going to slap me every time I mentioned it was my birthday because this was her 50th. She was like, you got all the other years. When I gave birth to you on my birthday, you stole my birthday. And so on her 50th, I was like, you got all the other years. When I gave birth to you on my birthday, you stole my birthday. And so on her 50th,

I was just like, okay, mum. You have it. You're scaring me. Scaring me. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. I said I'd choke on halfway through, but I pushed through and the saliva was pooling at the back of my throat.

I know, I unhailed my own saliva at the start. Didn't take the swallow at the right time. Big weekend for some, wasn't it? So, today's fact of the day kind of relates a little bit to current events. You may have seen there's the G20 summit happening in Argentina

at the moment. Si, si. What's the G20? The global leaders from the biggest 20 20 countries. Yeah, countries. Are we in that?

No. No, we're not in the biggest 20. Donald Trump's there. We really, we do a lot, per capita, like we're punching above our weight. If we're not in the 20 biggest countries, we're scrappy. We're like scra the biggest 20. Donald Trump's there. We really, we do a lot, per capita. We're punching above our weight. If we're not in the 20 biggest countries, we're scrappy.

We're like scrappy do. We're in the top 20 scrappiest. We're like, here, let me at them, let me at them. And we're just ready to throw down. So we're not at the G20, but Trump was mic'd up. They had what they call a hot mic, which is where the mic's still going. And he said, get me out of here. And it was all recorded.

And he walked off stage leaving the Argentinian president, Mauricio Macri, on stage alone, kind of a little bit awkward looking. Because they were meant to do photos or do the handshakes? I'm done. Yeah. Get me out of here. So off he went. This fact was about Mauricio Macri, the Argentinian president.

Okay. He got into politics after he was kidnapped. What? Yeah. The Argentinian police kidnapped him for 12 days in 1991. His family paid a $1 million ransom. The police kidnapped him? Yeah.

Wow. It was a pretty loose place back in the 80s and 90s, apparently, Argentina. Right. So I was like, wow, that's an amazing intro. Another story that I found about him was he got married in 2010. Yeah. And at his marriage, at his wedding,

he was doing a Queen tribute act dressed as Freddie Mercury. Of course he was. Of course he was. Okay. So what's Freddie Mercury's most, if you've seen the movie, what's... I haven't seen it. Bohemian Rhapsody.

Bohemian Rhapsody. That would be the one you'd do at your wedding, wouldn't it? Yeah. Yeah, but how would you dress up as Freddie Mercury? What is the iconic look of Freddie Mercury? That singlet with the armband, the moustache. Yeah, the moustache. Yep.

Teeth. Big teeth. Yep, moustache and teeth. So he had the moustache and teeth. And I don't know what he was wearing, but I'd imagine if you're going moustache and teeth, you're probably going yellow jacket as well. Oh,. Big teeth. Moustache and teeth. So he had the moustache and teeth. And I don't know what he was wearing, but I'd imagine if you're going moustache and teeth, you're probably going yellow jacket as well. Oh, yeah, maybe.

Yeah. He was singing as Freddie Mercury when he inhaled his fake moustache. Okay. And at his own wedding, he started to choke on the moustache. Now, they believe it may have been a moustache-teeth combination that meant he couldn't spit the moustache out. And then he panicked and it went further

down. This is not true. The Argentinian president at his own wedding is dying in front of people after he swallowed the moustache he's wearing because he did a queen tribute at his own wedding. Brilliant. He is then saved by the health minister who is at his wedding.

I know. It couldn't have been the transport minister, could it? No. It's the health minister. Rushes up, gets two fingers whacked down the throat, pinches the moustache, pulls it out, saves his life. Wow. That's brilliant.

Insane. This guy's dodging. An insane series of events for anybody, let alone someone who is now in charge of a country. Why did he want to do a Queen Tribune act at his wedding? I don't know. Wow. I've got absolutely no idea.

His wife should have stepped in before it got to that point and just been like, honey, no, not tonight. Keeping in mind it was 2010 was that eight years ago and he's 59 now he would have been 51 52 when he cranked out a bit of freddie mercury uh coin song no word as to what queen song is doing but as you say it would have been surely we are the champions yeah one of them maybe a well it's the most panty heavy breathing because maybe a little you know when you've got a fake moustache on, the edges start to get a little bit, you go.

To the fandango. Thunderbolts of lightning. Very, very frightening. Galileo. Galileo. Fuck. Fuck. The health nurse is like, I got it.

Fingers in the gob. Pinch the moustache. Pull it out. Save his life. Muchas gracias Gracias Gracias You know how you've choked on something

Your throat's like sore Yeah Gracias Gracias for saving me Back to the performance I'm the boss of lightning Lightning me Sorry everybody

So today's fact of the day Is the president of Argentina almost died at his own wedding choking on the Freddie Mercury moustache he was wearing to sing a Queen song. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. My brother-in-law messaged me, and he doesn't message me very often. Okay. He texts me once when we're interviewing someone from Love Island with two questions.

But that's it. I can honestly go back. We text very often. He doesn't say much. He's on the quiet side of things. But he messaged me. He's like, where does the Smith family on a whole stand with advent calendars? What do you mean?

That's exactly right. I was like, I'm not sure what you mean. But growing up, we never had advent calendars. No, neither. I don't think they were really that big. Nah. And I saw them in the supermarkets even in October. Yeah.

My mum would just be like, that's a waste of money. To be totally honest, my mum probably would have bought a box of roses and made her wine. Yeah, give me a chocolate. You don't want that chocolate. That's rubbish chocolate. That's my problem with Abedin calendars. It's rubbish chocolate. You have to spend a fair bit of money to get a good one.

You're not going to get... Anyway, he said... I like that gin idea. A little bottle of gin. Yeah, well, it doesn't have to be chocolate. It could be anything. He said, where's the family stand on? I was like, oh, I don't know what you mean. He's like, well, your sister... This is my sister, chicken. Yeah, well, it doesn't have to be chocolate. It could be anything. Yeah, it could be anything. He said, where's the family stand? I was like, oh, I don't know what you mean.

He's like, well, your sister, this is my sister, Michelle, has read online that we've been doing it wrong all these years and advent calendars you count down to Christmas by starting on 24 and working your way down to number one. Whereas I always... Oh, my God. I always... The numbers on the advent calendar correspond to the day in December you're at. Yeah, that's how I've always... Oh my god. I always, the numbers on the advent calendar correspond

to the day in December you're at. Yeah, that's how I've always thought you'd go. You'd do first of December, number one. Box one. Because one... But here's the thing, I said one's always in the top corner, but they're not. Sometimes it's like all over the place. Yeah, all over the place. See, if it's in sequential

order, I would say one would correspond with the December 1st. Does it go up to 25? No, 24. Because you always stop on Christmas Eve. Because the next day you're going to get enough goodies anyway. Right. Well, that's the theory behind it.

Right? So it says, the Wikipedia says an advent calendar is a special calendar used to count the days in anticipation of Christmas. So that would say that there's 24 to go, 23 to go. Yes. So you count down. So you use it to count down. Whereas we've always just had it so the day that you're opening corresponds to the day in December you're at.

Yeah. Now I can see the pros and cons of both sides. The poll that was running on our Facebook page that we put up a couple of hours ago, I start on the 24th of December 6%. I start on the 1st of December 94%.

But it makes more sense the other way because you're counting down. It's like how many sleeps. Then you're counting down. I like that much better. Because when you're a kid and you're like how many sleeps till Christmas opening something on the 5th of December doesn't actually make any, like it doesn't give you that countdown vibe.

If you're doing it the other way, you know that there's 20 left. But the doors aren't, the flaps are all over the place. So you'd lose yourself going that way. And some of them, the flaps are all over the place. If they're not in order, you'll get lost. No. You just have to remember what the last one you opened was. Sorry.

Yeah, yeah. You've got to be very careful because, yeah, as we say. Sorry. Yeah, yeah. Talk about a balancer. Stop it. Yeah. Pull it together, you two.

We're running a professional operation here. I think we all vote to change it then. We should go the other way. You think we should all count down? How many sleeps to go? Because I'm not against the idea, it's just not what we've done. And then how many people would just open it all and eat all the chocolate? Most people.

You know, like, there'll be a few voting people tonight. Especially when you come home drunk, you're like, oh, I'm going to eat all this. You're like, I'll get a new one tomorrow. Thanks me from now till next week. I owe you seven.