ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - December 05 2018

Episode Date: December 4, 2018

Indie got her school uniform and Vaughan can't handle it, Am I A Bad Person and when did you see someone in the wild?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, brought to you by Spark. Get the new Nokia 7.1 from $499 on a Spark prepaid rollover value pack. And now, on with the podcast. Hello, good morning, welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Thank you, Anya. Hedgehog update. Oh, okay. Oh, God. Both Fletch and Vaughan, the hedgehogs, are still alive.

Megan, the hedgehog, still dead. This is what? A crazy hedgehog lady? Crazy hedgehog lady in Christ's church. What's her Facebook page? Do you know she said Megan was the only female and she had such a great personality. Sis. Oh, she's dead though. It doesn't count. It's the same as life, isn't it?

Has either of you opened your eyes yet? Doesn't look like it. This was us eight hours ago. Oh, they're pretty cute. They're actually really cute. A little snuffly. Oh no, it's a badger. I was going to say, because my Hogwarts house is a hedgehog Hufflepuff, but that's actually a badger.

Not a hedgehog. Okay, so we're still alive. We haven't opened our eyes. We're alive. Eyes not open. Fascinating update there from wrinkles are filling out. Okay, good. When do we start to puff up?

Because they're very, very small, aren't they? Their face is as big as everything. Once you start eating more. Right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, and there's up to yesterday we were talking about if they're born with quills. Yeah.

Yes, they're born with quills. The spiky things. And up to six in a litter. Oh, okay. Of hedgehogs. Oh! What are baby hedgehogs called? Go on, have a guess.

A hedgy hog. Hedges. Just baby hedgehogs Sometimes pup Sometimes piglet Oh piglet Piglet Yeah that'd be real cute

Because I'd be all snuffly and stuff Super cute Or hoglets Okay there's multiple answers To this question of mine The top six is coming up on the show Yeah The Jeans are at it again

They would like traditionally... Traditional sayings that may involve the harming of a creature reworded to be more vegan friendly. Two birds killing two birds with one stone. It means to do two tasks in one go, right? Yeah, but you've never taken it. Literally, it's a saying. Two birds, one stone.

They want it to be feed two birds with one scone. Can you even feed a scone to birds? That's true. That might be cruel. That might be a cruel blow. What if it's a gluten-free sparrow? Because now you're upsetting the celiacs because they can't eat scones. So the vegans are putting themselves ahead of the celiacs.

Because I've got to take the cat back into the vet soon for a checkup because it's been sick. I'll ask the vet if birds can eat scones. If a scone would it be bad for a bird? Because I know breed will kill it up. A lot of sugar in scones. Oh, yeah. And what if it was a cheese scone?

Yeah, if it's a cheese scone, there's no sugar. Well, no, they wouldn't because that's vegan. It's got cheese in it. Do you think she'll charge me for asking? No, but you can get that actual cheeseless cheese that vegans have. Loose cheese? You know, like that cheese that's made out of something else?

Curd. Yeah, maybe. No, it wouldn't be made out of curd because that's the by-product of milk. What do vegans have? Tofu that's like flavoured. It's made out of cashew nuts. Oh, and the parmesan's made out of almond meal and they just kind of flavour it.

Feel sorry for them, eh? There was a bag of shaved parmesan in the... Parmesan? Oh my God. Have you ever had shaved parmesan? Did you eat it out of the bag? Yeah, I've done a whole bag of that. And I'm not embarrassed to say when I got to the bottom of the bag,

I did that thing you do with chips. I went tap, tap, tap, tap. And then chugged. You're so rich. Do you get a tummy ache? Oh, yeah. Shit the bed. I mean, I'm no longer in the bed.

Great way to wake up. Sade's got to deal with that now. Here I am at work, fresh as a daisy. All right, you lot. Listen up. It's story time. Three news headlines for story time. Vaughan and Megan pick one headline only.

Headline one, comp forgets he's wearing body cam. I swear there's one of these headlines every month. Comp forgets he's wearing body cam. Yep. Headline two, driver takes drive-thru literally. And headline three, boy finds a Christmas story true. Oh.

Born. Born. Speaking. Yes. Can we have the Christmas one? Yes. Are you alright? It's 20, I just looked at the date, 5th of December. I know. 20 days. That's madness. 20 days. It's good stuff. just looked at the date, 5th of December. I know. 20 days, that's madness. 20 days. It's good stuff.

Till Christmas, 20 days, till Santa comes down the chimney. What's that song? It's 20 days of Christmas, 20 days till Santa, 20 days of something, something, something, 20 days till Santa. I did it. That's the only time we're ever doing that. 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99-na-na, bottles of beer.

Take one down and pass it around. Na-na-na, bottles of beer on the wall. Countdown. Is that what you want in the Christmas story? Yeah. All right, we'll lock this in. We go now to America, where I guess you've had a bit of snow

and some cold weather. I keep forgetting, because this year's going so fast. My man in England sent me a photo of him scraping ice off his windscreen. I was like, Jesus, that's unseasonably early. He's like,

what are you talking about? It's December. I was like, it's winter. Oh, yeah. You know how it's summer for us but we don't really recognise it. Maybe that's why as well

because we haven't had a good bit of December summer. Well, we had that real tease of the first week in November and we were like, it's here. It's like November. November unded our pants, took down the fly, got our pants around our knees

and then was like, see ya. Okay. Okay. You're like, November, what? I mean, it's up to you. I just, I just, mate, you know, I just, well, just November, I have to finish myself off. Okay. So there's a place called Sandwich. I just, mate, you know, I just, well, just in November, I have to finish myself off. Okay.

So there's a place called Sandwich. I just chose to ignore that, Megan. A place called Sandwich. Grow up. This is reported by the Chicago Tribune, so I'm imagining it's somewhere around Chicago. Illinois. Place Illinois.

Sandwich. Called Sandwich. An 11-year-old boy has learnt the hard way when he stuck his tongue to a frozen metal pole. Oh, no. He did this while he was sledding with his friend at about

5 o'clock near their home on Tuesday. Record-setting snowstorm. Dumped a whole lot of snow, so they were out enjoying that. Now, he was, I guess, inspired by the Christmas film, the popular film, A Christmas Story. Right. Have you seen it?

I don't know. It's really old, right? I think it's 1980s, something like that. 1983. But he must, maybe his parents make him watch it because he's only 11. He knows about it. That's got 89% on Rotten Tomatoes, that movie. And you've never seen it?

Nah. Okay, well, it could be a goer. It could be a goer for Christmas. Well, there's a scene in that movie, apparently, I haven't seen it, where a boy sticks his tongue to a frozen pole. Yeah. And I'm guessing he was like,

well, it's the movies. It's not real. I know, but how did it turn out in the movie? It got stuck, right? It got stuck, yeah. Well, it turns, in Spencer's case, this is the boy who's 11,

it was a dare from his friend. Seen the movie. He said, I didn't think my tongue would actually stick. How long was he stuck for? It did. And so, yeah, well, just a while, they had to get some people to come along, some adults. The fire department were

called. Yeah, they've said they've never responded to a call before where a boy has stuck his tongue to a pole. Really? I thought they just would have seen everything. And they apparently all were reminiscing about the movie, the firemen as well, because they've seen the movie and they said it was great to see that in real life. And yeah, he's fine now.

Must say, when you're the first lick of a popsicle sometimes, we'll do that and you're like, ah. He said it feels like he's missing half his tongue. He probably is. Because he's frozen. He's still a bit frozen. But you'd be lucky to... You can't rip it off.

He's going to fully recover. But yeah, he's lucky. Were the nerves in the tongue all the way through or just the surface? The nerve endings. All the way through. I'm sure. Are they? It's like you burn your tongue with hot chips when you're drunk?

Yeah, I know, but that's only very on the surface. I don't know. I've never had a tongue piercing, but I know for sure. But it heals quickly, the tongue, doesn't it? It is. Steve-O taught me that. Remember when we went to that Steve-O show? Yeah.

Years ago, Steve-O from Jackass, and he cuts his tongue with a broken light bulb. And he's like, my father taught me that the tongue's one of the quickest healing parts of the body, and then it just stopped bleeding and he got on with it. I can't believe people paid to see that show. It was nuts. It was nuts. How are they still alive?

They must have some serious health complications now. Well, yeah, they do, right? And how do they get medical insurance? No, a lot of them don't anymore. But I know Johnny and I, they've all got reoccurring health issues now. Yeah. The jackass.

F-E-M. Z-M. Tumblr is, a lot of people probably haven't even heard of Tumblr. It's a real art-based social media, right? It's like Instagram, but not just everybody you went to school with posting photos of their trip to Bali on the Ghillie Tee Swings. I mean, there's plenty of that as well. But that's a lot of artists put their work on there.

Yeah, photography. Yeah, and there's a lot of unspoken rules of Tumblr. Like you share someone's photo, you don't just screen cap it and then post it as your own. Like a little tag to them maybe somewhere down in the bottom part of the caption. But there's a whole lot of unspoken rules about the art and stuff on Tumblr. Do you have to have an account? Yeah.

I don't know. Because I've never used it. No, I've just gone to Tumblr to look for some accounts and you don't. No, you don't need one. You don't have to to browse. To browse it. Because Taylor Swift was big on Tumblr, eh?

She did a lot of stuff on Tumblr. Yeah, so Tumblr this week announced it will be banning adult content from Tumblr. And I thought, okay, well, if it's the hardcore end of things, that's okay. That's good. That's okay. That's everything, though. Because, you know, it's nips. It's right down to nips.

Wait, so you can see like, there's like nudity on there. On Tumblr? Yeah. Up until December 17th. It's 80, 90% of Tumblr. That's why I'm surprised they're banning it. It's really weird. You'll like search a hashtag and you'll be like, that's not anything, got anything to

do with the hashtag. So you're not even allowed like a skirrick of a nip on Instagram, but Tumblr's like, oh. No, Tumblr was balls and all. Like, I'm sorry, I meant boots and all. Boots and all. That worked. Butt balls and all. That worked.

So they've announced what, from the 17th of December? Yes. That's the date. It'll all be gone. And apparently they've started rolling out some auto-detect robots. Yeah, an algorithm to detect nipples and penises and stuff, but it's banning some other photos of, like, vases and phallic objects, things that look like penises or vaginas or bums or nipples.

Okay, well, yeah, we get it. All the bits that you see when you look in the mirror and then, like, also the bit that you look over your shoulder and see in the mirror. That, you know, they're banning it all. But I stumbled across some articles, Megan, that women quite liked the adult side of Tumblr. Right.

Because it wasn't as full on. It was more tasteful and arty and people would curate. Tasteful nudes. Tasteful nudes. Or you could. Tasteful nudes. It didn't have to be like the full on aspects of, say, your adult sites. Well, that makes sense.

But that wasn't a thing for you. Well, no, because I just never heard of it. I've heard of it. I just never realised that that was a thing. And some people are really upset because some people do fan fiction, explicit fan fiction, like drawings of established characters and sexual. Some people have way too much time. They're not going to be able to share that now. fanfiction, like drawings of established characters and sexual. Some people have way too much time.

They're not going to be able to share that now. And also people who make photos and videos of themselves and their partners at an amateur level that we're using it. Also photography, art photography. So you're making like home videos and they're putting that on Tumblr? Yeah. What? I'm sorry, Nan. This is all blowing Tumblr. Yeah. What? I'm sorry, Nan. This is all blowing your mind.

Yeah. Wow. You know that couples do that quite often. Why? I don't know. No, seriously. What do you get out of that? Oh, that people are watching it?

I don't know. Yeah, I guess that people are watching it. That people would watch you. Okay. Must be weird to have confidence in your naked form. I know. I couldn't really speak to it. I don't want to see a video of me humping anything.

Yeah, I don't want to see it myself. I don't want to force it upon anyone else. You shouldn't drink coffee during the show. Oh, my gosh. I almost died. Because I couldn't spit my coffee out because I would have ruined my microphone and my computer. And you're talking about you don't want to see a picture of you humping anything

and then all I could imagine was the visual of actual just like how a chihuahua humps somebody's leg when you go to their house. Oh God. So it's not happening anymore? It's not happening.

No, there'll be no, there'll be no, there'll be no porn. You tell me just as it gets taken away. Somebody said the article on the Washington Post that was quite a beautiful headline

Tumblr's nudity ban removes one of the last major refuges of pornography on social media. Almost sounds like an obituary to porn on Tumblr. He said they did some search for some keywords on Tumblr that would relate to porn.

Nothing came up. However, when you search Nazi still heaps of hate speech. Yeah, right. Wonderful. However, when you search Nazi, still heaps of hate speech. Yeah, right. Wonderful. Yeah. See, I'd rather say, you know. Because how many wars did nips start? Some nudes, exactly.

We've talked about this before. Maybe what we need is more nips. Nips would actually stop. Oh, yeah. So many wars. Very distracting, aren't they? Yeah. Hey, Hitler, check this out.

Yeah. These are nips. Any parent worth their bloody weight in YouTube babysitter will know who I'm talking about when I am talking about Ryan's Toy Review. Ryan's Toy Review, for those who don't have children or haven't ever looked after their nieces or nephews or the neighbour's kids or whatever

and put them in front of YouTube and immediately come across a seven-year-old boy playing games with his parents. It's been released by Forbes. Again, this year, he made $22 million. In one year? Yep. Ryan's been at this for a few years too.

So Ryan's parents are making bank. The really early Ryan's Toy Reviews videos, they're living in like a moderate house. And then next year, they're in like what feels like an American gated community. Right. Big house. Hidden hills. Weird day cool.

You know when people get rich real quick and their tastes can't keep up with how much money they've got and they buy weird like chandeliers and stuff? Yeah. That. And then I think the latest one, I think they've shifted again because they've got a pool now, I think. Oh, okay. I think, unless he was visiting.

But this isn't like a one-off. There's these families. My kids watch these different families and they all like a make in bank. To be fair, they literally video and catalog every minute of their day and they have to constantly be like, okay, today we're doing this. So it's like people think it's bad, but they are actually playing heaps with their kids.

They're videoing it all and sharing it and making money off it as well. God, just knowing how much stuff it takes to edit, how long it takes to edit things, that would be a full-time job. They must employ people behind the scenes. And how enjoyable would it be taking your kids to a theme park but just having to video everything the entire time?

And how do you ensure that your kids always want to do it? Because the kids will be like, not today. I don't want to be like, you know? I'm chucking a sook today. I don't know. They don't make the final cut. Well, you've been cut from today, Sabrina. I hope you're happy.

You're not getting your fair share of the millions. So is this $22 million this year alone, is that just from YouTube revenue? Or are they getting paid, like if Super Soaker or Nerf have a new gun or whatever, do they pay them as well on the slide? So yeah, 100%. As influencing, they're getting paid to put toys and stuff and products in their videos. Excuse me. And definitely in their videos.

I don't know because this says, the sentences in the Forbes article said he was this year's highest paid YouTube star, earning $22 million in 12 months, leading up to June 1st, 2018. And that would be endorsements as well. That would all fall under the same. Yeah, it would be. It would be seven.

And how much do his parents get? Are they just like... Well, as Vaughn said, the houses are going up in style. Yeah, so they definitely spend... It's not like they're saving it all till he's 18. They're definitely spending some of that. Do they get like a management fee, 20% management fee? Well, no, his parents are still pretty chill.

Like, it's not like dad's all of a sudden got a personal trainer and is doing keto and, like, wears shades inside or anything. Like, the dad still looks the same as he did when it started. Him and the mom. So okay, so further down, $21 million from pre-roll advertising on YouTube. Yeah. From his toy review channel and his family review channel, which is just with him and his like, he's got two twin sisters.

They just play and video everything. Well, I hope they don't expect some of the money. Oh, they certainly not the lion's share. Yeah. It's not called sisters toy review. It's not called Sisters Tour Review. It's Ryan's Bloody Tour Review. And then a million dollars comes from sponsored posts. So that's your influencing type. Right.

Paying to have a product involved. So it started as unboxing and then it's kind of evolved. Yeah, right. Into they just make videos every day of them doing different things. So seven Ryan's at school now. Oh, yeah. You don't have all day to make the things. So, Seven Ryan's at school now. Oh, yeah. You don't have all day to make the videos. What if he gets home from school?

Anyone with school kids knows they get home that tired. I thought he was going to do his homework. I thought you were going to say he wouldn't know who his true friends are. Oh. Because, you know, you're a $22 million seven-year-old. You don't know. People might just want you for your lollies. Yeah, that's true.

Or your sweet lunch. And your Nerf guns. Yeah. Yeah. He's got lunch. And your Nerf guns. Yeah. He's got a mag collection of Nerf guns. To be honest, I'd consider, and his Lego collection, I would consider being his good friend for a go at that Lego collection. You might remember a couple of weeks ago we were talking about Emil. He is a Dutch guy who technically is 69 years of age.

He looks good for 69, doesn't he? He actually does. You'd think he was 50. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah, I'd say 50. Yeah, early 50s. He does.

He looks very good. So he identifies, he says, as a 49-year-old. Now, he has tried to go through the Dutch courts To have his date of birth changed So that he will now be 49 as opposed to 69 Because he said physically, mentally and everything He identifies as a 49 year old man I don't know why

Because his Tinder was brought up in this wasn't it? Why didn't he just lie and say he was 49? Maybe he doesn't want to be a liar. Maybe he... But the court's saying that you're 49. If someone wants to be a liar, it's just the best option a lot of the time. Yeah.

Exactly. So he's actually sadly been denied. Right. They said that he's at liberty to feel 20 years younger than his real age and he can act accordingly, but the amendment of his birth would cause 20 years of records to vanish from the register of births, deaths and marriages and registered partnerships.

So that would cause a lot of societal implications. But they said it is a trend in society for people to feel fit and healthy for longer, but that is not a valid reason to change your date of birth. But that's just the old saying, eh? Like 30's the new, oh, what was it? 40's the new 30 and 50's the new 20. 50's the new 40. And 70's the new retirement age.

Yeah. You're just going to be working for ages. I saw a news story yesterday. They were like, maybe we need to make it 70. I'm like, no. Yeah. Why? I don't want to still be working when I'm like 66, 67. Because you've put your body through so much for this job. You've really like. Yeah. Why? I don't want to still be working when I'm like 66, 67.

Because you've put your body through so much for this job. You've really like, you've wrecked yourself. You've done so much manual labour that you need a rest by the time you get to 65. My fingers from pushing all these buttons and my hearing just won't be there. It's not the job that's ruined him. It's his extracurriculars.

Yeah. Excuse me. Those will ruin you. So, yeah. Okay. Just lie on your Tinder. Just lie. I mean, you look like it.

I just Googled because, you know, there's Tinder Plus. You can pay for upgrades. But if you're older, they charge you more. Now, I don't know if this is still the case. What's their reasoning for that? I don't know. Maybe the older people, the younger people probably wouldn't want to spend money on... Oh, so they're just saying they're going to charge older people more because they can afford it.

Yeah, or they don't want older people using it. I'm not too sure. They were actually taken to court in California. They actually ruled against Tinder that it was age discrimination. So they could either fight that ruling or just make their pricing the same for everybody. That's good. But I can't find a follow-up story to that. So I don't know if it's just in California they charge the same price.

Right. Like, I don't know. I've never even quite got the Tinder Plus or whatever. But yeah, weird, eh? Do they just expect that no one would compare how much they're paying? No, I just think it's old people would be the only people to pay for that stuff. It's like when you hear some old guy put his credit card into a porn website and you're like, why are you paying for that?

Or you go home and check how much your parents are paying for internet. Yeah, or like their fine plan. Hey, that's a public service announcement. This Christmas, check how much your parents are paying for their internet. That's a really, really good point. Yeah. When you're hanging out with your parents next time, ask to see their bills for like newest

things. Yeah. Technology. Yeah. Or like the Sky Bill. You can make the call for them and they're guaranteed to be paying too much. Do you watch sports or movies? They're like, no, not really. And they're paying like 80 bucks extra a month for it. And you're like, get on the phone.

Cancel that stuff. Because it's all money you'll get in the inheritance. Exactly. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. What's that word for sayings that starts with I? How do you say it?

Idioms. Yeah. Idioms. That means sayings, right? Okay. Just like, I don't know. Yeah, because I saw it and I was like,

oh, that seems like the flash. I've heard that before, yeah. Sounds right. The flash one. So, vegan-friendly phrases. Vegans would like to replace offensive sayings with vegan-friendly phrases. These are phrases that involve animals. Okay.

Yeah. So, vegans want it to be taken into account. Sayings like bringing home the bacon. Well, obviously bacon is made from animals. And so that's not good. But it's a saying, isn't it? But bacon doesn't mean literal bacon. That's the thing.

It means money, doesn't it? Yeah, exactly. They could say instead it could be bring home the bagels. I'm seeing a lot of vegans putting the celiac people doesn't it? Yeah, exactly. They could say, instead it could be bring home the bagels. Not the same. I'm seeing a lot of vegans putting the celiac people right at the back of the queue when it comes to this sort of stuff.

Because bagels can't be eaten by people with a gluten intolerance. Oh, so we can't use bagels. Yeah. Bringing home the gluten-free vegan bagels. Yeah. The keto bread.

Okay. Another one, flogging a dead horse. Yep. They would rather it was fed. That's awful, that one.ging a dead horse. Yep. They would rather it was fed. That's awful, that one. Feed a fed horse. Yeah, right. All your eggs in one basket. Yep.

Could be all your berries in one bowl. Okay. They don't do eggs, do they? No, they don't do eggs. They never had an omelette. Oh, so yum. Sometimes they don't have an omelette like you and I know them. And you can't have cheese on that omelette either. No. And killing two birds with one stone would be better if it was feeding two birds with one scum.

Now, I googled a list of phrases or idioms that involve animals because I feel like they've only just scratched the surface of these sayings. So these are my top six sayings that involve animals that I will make vegan friendly. Okay. Number six, the elephant in the room.

That's like when something's so big in the room, it needs to be discussed because people are kind of ignoring it. Yeah. So the alternative to that would be the elephant in the jungle, a thick, thick, healthy jungle with no human interaction at all and certainly no deforestation. That doesn't work though, does it? Well, they still need to be discussed.

We're not allowed to like interfere with them, but we can still discuss the elephant in the jungle. Right. Number five on the list of the top six sayings I need to edit because I've got animals in them to be more vegan friendly. Hold your horses. Yep. Because that's a whole, I guess that's an old,

if your carriage was being pulled by horses, you'd be like, hold your horses as in like, put on your brakes. Or like at war, don't go yet, don't go yet. Yeah, yeah. Now charge. Be patient. Yeah.

So hold your horses. Rather than hold your horses, we could have pat your horses. But as long as the horse has never had a rein or a saddle put on it. Yeah. Just a pat. Okay. But then if it's a wild horse, I wouldn't recommend going near a wild horse.

Those things are buck crazy. Yeah. And I don't know actually if I can even say buck crazy because buck is an animal. Yeah, true. And we shouldn't be calling them crazy.

They're just crazy. They're just animals. Number four on the list of the top six sayings that need to be edited to be more animal friendly are weasel out of something. Poor old weasels.

What did they ever do to anybody apart from absolutely obliterate our native bird population? So rather than weasel out of something, I was thinking it could be wriggle out of something. Weasel. Yeah, okay, cool. I mean, it's what a weasel does. Yeah, they do.

You're just describing its characteristics. It's very wrinkly. Still going to 1080 them though, aren't we? Oh, yeah. Good. Number three on the list of the top six sayings that need editing because animals are involved. Let the cat out of the bag.

That's like, let the secret out. And we've talked about this, in fact, today. The origins of that was people would sell you a pig in a sack. Yep. But often they'd just chuck a stray cat in there and you wouldn't know until you got home. You open it and you're like, this isn't a pig at all. But often they'd just chuck a stray cat in there and you wouldn't know until you got home, you open it and you're like, this isn't a pig at all.

But I can't be mad because look how cute it is. Yeah, but so let the cat out of the bag could be changed to never put the cat in the bag. In the first place. Whoa, you never put the cat in the bag in the first place. Yeah. Obviously this is going to take a while to stick. Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, I know. Number two on the list of the top six sayings that need editing because animals are involved to make them more vegan friendly. Like a fish out of water. Okay, yep. Because obviously, you're like a fish out of water. Fish out of water struggles. It flaps around.

Maybe you eat it, but you wouldn't because you're a vegan now. Yeah. So the saying would be like a fish still in water, but somewhat disturbed of something that's bothering it internally. Okay. So like a fish who's having an existential crisis. Right. The fish is like, I'm not, no, I'm not comfortable.

I'm not happy. But it's also not being like flopping around. Yeah. And the number one in today's top six sayings that need editing because animals are involved and they need to be more vegan friendly are ants in your pants.

Ants should not be put in your pants. No. You should not be putting ants down your pants. That's cruel to the ants. Did you ask if they wanted to go down your pants?

No. No, you didn't seek consent from the ants. You just shoved them in your pants like some sort of sicko. So the top six edited sayings that involve animals that are vegan friendly not ants in your pants are some sort of sicko. So the top six edited sayings that involve

animals that are vegan-friendly, not ants in your pants, worms up your bum. What about the worms? No, not like earthworms. Like, you know, when you get worms. Yeah, right. Because that's their natural habitat, the gut of humans. And when you take a worming tablet, you're killing them, man.

And there are animals too, those little intestinal worms, aren't they? They are, yes. Yeah, I mean, they make your butt itch and they make you sick over time and stuff. But those are animals, okay? We've got to be friendly to all of the creatures. That's today's top sec. FVM, the podcast.

Last night, surprise, surprise, Intern Anya was eating out again. Oh, here we go. The bloody entertainment budget is blowing with you. You moved home to save money. Any savings to show for it? Yeah, guys, life's short. Go out for dinner is what I want on my tombstone. Life's short. Oh, my God, yes.

Life's short. Go out for dinner. Tombstone. What's it called? Gravestone. Yeah my tombstone. Life short. Oh my God. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Headstone. Life short. Go out for dinner. Tombstone. What's it called? Gravestone. Yeah. Headstone.

If you're in the Wild West, we might give you a tombstone. Yeah. What is a tombstone? Isn't it just one of those big ones? Is it bigger? Yeah. It sounds like what you would shut off a tomb with. That's good.

I get claustrophobic. I would like that. Sounds like the thing after three days, Jesus rolled away and he's like, I'm back baby. It's me, Jesus. Thanks for putting me up. Originally a tombstone was the stone lid of a stone coffin, or the coffin itself, and a gravestone is the

stone slab that was laid over the grave. Right. Now all three terms are used for markers placed at the head of a grave. Right, yeah. So she was right. You were right. The academic of the group. No, I thought the brains of the operation. Yeah.

So you were out, where'd you go last night? What cuisine took out your fancy? It was Japanese last night. Ah. Yeah. New spot, hadn't been there before. Excellent. Get a plug in for your food-based Instagram review. Henny's Noms. Henny's Noms, guys, on Instagram. Henny's Noms, that's H-E-N-N-Y-S-N-O-M-S.

And it's just an Instagram of you eating food. It is pretty bloody good, actually. No, not just. She gives ratings. Oh, okay. Different ratings on how expensive, how yummy. It's really good. Are you hoping that some place will give you free food?

That is the ultimate goal. Right, how's that going for you? So far, not well. I'm just doing a lot of money for content. Just spending a lot. No, no, no, no, no. You're going to spend money and make money. That's what I say.

It's an investment. Was it the wings that you put up last night? Mm-hmm. Because actually someone said, I'm coming to Auckland. Would you have any recommendations for restaurants? And I just said, hit up Henny's Doms. Oh, my God.

There you go. You're welcome. Just blushing my influencer ego now. You're welcome. So you're there. You're enjoying chicken wings and other Japanese cuisine with your boyfriend. Sorry, no. I don't mean to harp on.

Hit on the Japanese cuisine slash culture, but chicken wings aren't Japanese. I'll stop you there. So what I've done is I've actually spaced it. No, I've actually spaced out some content. So the wings were Vietnamese and they were from Sunday's lunch. But women in Asian countries love chicken wings as much as

the rest of the world. Like the Japanese chicken. The Japanese don't fry chicken. Yeah, but that's Karage. I love Karage. You can put Karage as the coating, right? The flavouring, the way of doing things. Put it on wings. But I just, I wouldn't have associated wings with Japanese. But okay.

Fusion. Get with the time, baby. Fusion, baby. Yeah, so actually. God almighty. Now I've got a hankering for wings. My mouth's doing that thing when I eat so many wings, it gets like. You know, there's that place that's doing bottomless wings.

Where do they get all these chickens from? You know that there's a point we're trying to get to and it's got nothing to do with wings. Yes, I know, but this is the scenic route. Okay, we're taking the scenic route. We're going for a drive. It's actually got nothing to do with food. The GPS has taken us non-main highway.

Because there was roadworks and we were avoiding toll roads. So we've gone The scenic route Via Wingsville And I tell you what Who's disappointed? No one Now we need to go south

Now we're late We're running late For our destination So What happens When you're enjoying This Japanese cuisine? Who walks into the restaurant?

I'm halfway into A beautiful succulent prawn When my laser lady P pops on in with her partner. Now, you'll remember famously earlier this year we discovered that Intern Anya was taking care of her pubic maintenance with a 50-cent razor and a bar of soap. Can we stop? And my friend Calvin and his wife Nikki, who own On and Off,

who now are pretty much ripping the hair out of the majority of the show. Well, you signed me up to give up my butt lasered. Anya's cracked muddy puddle. I'd like it noted I did this a long time ago and recommended. Yeah. So that's taken care of pretty much all of us. This lady you saw, is it the same lady that does my butt? Well, I'm not sure because I believe you go to the central branch. I don't know

if she pops over for your variant. Imagine having to travel to the city to see Fletcher's Hairy House off. Why am I laughing? People have travelled further, surprisingly. They catch the bus in from South Auckland. This is not going to be made into one of those things

where it's like, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. And then Vaughan's like, Fletch is Harry Potter. And then we're like, ha, ha, ha. Listen to Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. This woman gets on the motorway, the traffic's bad. She's like, God, I've got to sit in this just to see that. They're great, though, because they never let on that, you know, it's a problem down there.

You know what? As bad as yours might be, and I haven't seen it, so I personally can't vouch, there's always someone worse. Always. And the people with the worst, the people with the worst, genitals, the people with the worst, butts, the people with the hairier backs people with the worst. Genitals are the people with the worst. Barts are the people with the hairier backs. They don't know.

Yeah. They don't know they're the worst. Thank you. Because of professionals. Well, you haven't seen his butthole lately. It might be the worst. Well, it's a lot less hairy. So anyway, this woman is sitting behind you at the restaurant.

Yeah. And you're embarrassed by this. I wouldn't be embarrassed. I would say hello. I wasn't embarrassed so this. I wouldn't be embarrassed. I would say hello. I wasn't embarrassed so much. I was just kind of felt bad for her. Like, if you work in an office all day, you don't want to, like, go out for dinner with, like, paperwork.

Do you know what I mean? You're saying she's, you're eating a succulent prawn. She's like, oh, God, please. She works at, walks in, sits down and orders, I don't know what's on the menu, some sashimi, and she's just about to eat the salmon, and she looks up and she sees you and she's like, oh, I can't eat this now.

Exactly. I've seen that woman's vagina. Hopefully there's no more correlations. I like that it took you that long to get the correlation. Yeah. So, look, it was a bit awkward. We kind of made eye contact. I think she did a double take. There was a bit awkward. We kind of made eye contact.

I think she did a double take. There was a bit of an awkward smile happened and I've got an appointment in a couple of weeks and.

You can say how did you enjoy that. You can talk about because it's always awkward in these things. What are you going to talk about?

I think we've already done the like what are you doing for Christmas chat. So this time I'll be like how good was that Japanese.

And then you can talk about Henny's noms. Yeah. Get her to follow run into her at other this time I'll be like, how good was that Japanese? And then you can talk about Henny's noms, get her to follow, run into her at other restaurants. It'll be great. We can put her off to food. I'd like to know who,

because I even get weirded out when I see people who work at the supermarket, at the supermarket and like- No more clothes? Yeah. You're like, what? Where do I know you from? You're usually in a green polo

behind the checkout. Or just anyone that you see in a professional manner outside of the natural environment. So I saw someone that I always see at the gym the other day in the city like wearing a suit. I was like, this is weird. Yeah. Do you mean like that? What? Yeah. Had you given that person at the gym a backstory?

I give everybody I see backstories and then when it doesn't add up to my backstory, I'm like... Very confused. What's happening here? Right, okay. And then I have to remember that I entirely created this person's backstory.

It'd be like seeing your doctor out and about. I saw him walking down the street once. I was like, this is weird. I'm not paying to see you. Yeah. Like normally it costs like $50, $60. And do you say hi to them? Yeah, I said hi and it was just awkward.

Meh. Hey, bye. Hi. Hey. How's you? I'm fine, by the way. Yeah. Hey, bye. Hi. Hey. How's you? I'm fine, by the way. Yeah. You expect me to be like, how are you?

Well, actually, I mean, now that you've asked, I have had a bit of a sore back lately. Can you just... Oh, God, they love that. They love that idea. They have a prescription on you right there. All right, so 0800DARLS.M, you can text as well, 9696. When did you awkwardly see somebody in the wild

out of their natural habitat? We're talking about when you have seen somebody who you deal with, maybe professionally, maybe casually, but you deal with them always in a specific environment and you see them outside of that environment. Last night while enjoying Japanese cuisine, Intern Anya saw the woman who controls a laser and points it at her genitals and removes the hair.

So we want to know, hey, how's this? We just heard somebody obviously works for our company saying, I bumped into Bogsy. Now Bogsy's our CEO. Good dude. I bumped into Bogsy at the Albany New World. Albany. New World.

He shops at New World. Shopping at New World. Okay. And he was fondling a huge cucumber. Obviously, a fan of the telegraph cucumber. Yeah. But I'm like that as well. You've got to get a good one.

Exactly. You don't want to get a long, thin one. No, you want a long one that's also thick. Girthy. Because you're not paying for the weight of the cucumber. You're paying per cucumber. So you've got to find the thing that's giving you the most cucumber per doll. Do you feel like people are watching you when you're doing it?

I don't care. I've never thought about it, but now, yes. It's got a little cucumber condom on, so I'm not touching it. And I give them a good fondle. Sometimes I'll wrap my hand around them to see, like, I'll be like, that one's bigger than that. So they saw the boss fondling a cucumber. Foxy fondling.

Foxy boggling a cucumber. I'm a little flustered. You're flustered, aren't you? Yeah. Gemma, who did you see in the wild? I saw my doctor. We were down at Freakside East and in the mosh pit

and she's in there behind me. She was in a mosh pit? With me at Freakside East, yes. Okay, she sounds like she's a cool young hip doctor. Absolutely. Okay, and did you talk or were you just like... I was obviously, I'm quite short, so I couldn't quite see.

She was just telling me to breathe and relax the whole time. And then did you get like, next time you went in, you had a $60 bill waiting for you for the consult and the mosh pit? Thanks, you're cool, Gemma. Natalie, who did you see out in the wild? I saw my ultrasound technician. Oh, okay. But she was actually the supervisor for an internal ultrasound. Oh, wow, so she had seen your privates. She had

seen, well, she was called in because the junior couldn't find my ovary. And she came in the door and she was like, where is that pesky ovary? I don't know but I can show you the door. She was supervising the whole thing from another room. Wow, okay. And then maybe a week later I was at Sylvia Park and I was like, how whole thing from another room. Wow, okay. And then maybe a week later, I was at Sylvia Park, and I was like, how do I know that woman? How do I know her?

And we both did a double take. I was like, oh, my God. She's seen my internal organs. Yeah, she's seen my internal organs. It was in the supermarket, and she's looking for something. It wasn't until she got that furrowed brow you get when you're looking for something. You're like, I know where that's been.

It's been down between my legs. Looking for my ovary. Natalie, thanks for your call. Amy, who did you see out in the wild? My English teacher. Oh, okay. Was that weird? It's so weird seeing teachers out. I was on a first date. Okay.

And I went to the bathroom, came back to find that the table next to us was full of teachers from my school. Oh, weird. That's always a weird one. Oh, I would have gone out of there. I just would have kept walking. Well, I'd left about four years ago,

but they still recognised me and started talking to my date. Oh. What were they saying? Like, oh, she needs to pay attention more, and she gets off task very easily, so you make sure you... She's going to try harder. Yeah.

No, I think it was more the whole biggest sister making sure he was good enough. Ah, right. Okay, so they're looking out for you. All right. Amy, thanks for your call. I was at a fast food place, saw my gym fitness instructor come in

and get a massive feed. Yeah. Made me feel better. On the way out, I was like, hey, how are you? They looked at me, they're like, oh, no, I'm supposed to be setting an example. I'm supposed to be setting an example.

Some other text messages in. I'm a nurse. I see patients outside of the hospital. Very awkward when you do because they're sometimes doing things that they shouldn't be doing or said they don't do when they were under your care. Like smoking. Yeah. I definitely don't smoke. I ran into my doctor outside a bar.

It was awkward. He was a few drinks in and a little bit loose-lipped, but mostly the most shocking part was that he was smoking. Heaps of doctors do though. It's weird, aren't you? It's weird. Yeah. Especially like they can actually open people up and see all those gross pictures that they put on the boxes. Yeah.

In real life. Yeah. My doctor, I saw my doctor and her family on a flight to Australia just a few days after I had my smear check up oh yeah the doctor said hello how are you and I was like

immediately like went into mode of medical diagnosis yeah yeah getting ready to tell her about how I was feeling after the smear but it wasn't

it was just a polite greeting she doesn't need you to go into it yeah ho ho ho Mr Film Fight ho ho ho ho I'm enjoying myself Fight. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. I'm enjoying myself with this so much.

We're on the hunt to try and find the best Christmas movie, essentially. And it's your votes that make... It's not us deciding, it's you deciding. So yesterday, do we want to talk about this one first? I'm just constantly disappointed in people's choices. So first, Love Actually won out against Elf. You guys were like, yes, Elf is going to take it. Well, no, but I know.

We thought if anything could knock Love Actually off its Christmas... High horse. High horse. It could be Elf, but no. Christmas movie. It was decimated. Yeah. And then we had Die Hard, which is not a Christmas movie,

up against the Polar Express. The Polar Express took that out as well. So that won yesterday, what was the votage like there? Was it like 60-40? Yeah, it was 60-40. 60% for the Polar Express, 40% for Die Hard. So you guys are 0 for 2 at the moment. Yeah.

Today's festive film fight. We're also divided very much in the studio. It is the holiday. Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Jack Black. One of the best. The Holiday. What happens in this movie?

I've never seen it. Never heard of it. Partner switch. No, the house switch. Is that from somebody else's boyfriend? No. Oh. Another guy in the...

Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis get struck by lightning and they switch bodies. Yes, that's it. That's it. The old Christmas freaky Christmas Friday. It's up against Bad Santa. Who's that guy? Billy Bob Thornton.

Billy Bob. Bad Santa 2. Did you ever end up watching Bad Santa 2? It was so shit. Was it? It was so bad. The first one's pretty great. So do you want early votes?

Let's remember for a moment that he was married to Angelina Jolie. And they kept violating each other's blood around their necks. Let's remember that. He did really well for himself, didn't he? Yeah. Don't be mean. He might have a great personality that we're unaware of. So, do you want results

thus far? Yeah. Early votes are in. At the moment, 76% the holiday. What is wrong with people? Mushy, rubbish Christmas movies. It's just all the... Bad Santa is a classic. Yeah.

Oh, I don't know. I've not seen the holiday. I know people quite like it. Oh, I'm sorry. You haven't even seen it. Yeah, but have these people seen Bad Santa? It's not like you had to judge something before you've even sampled it. But have these people

seen Bad Santa? He's bad. He's a Santa, but he's naughty. How dare you? And the little kid's in it. Have you seen Holiday? He's like,

Mr. Santa. No, both of you two are judging this and you haven't even seen it. The cover for that movie, the poster, is exactly why I wouldn't want to see

that movie. Because they look at each other lovingly. Wait, so in that movie who does Cameron Diaz fall in love with in the end? Well, I wouldn't want to see that movie. Because they look at each other lovingly. Wait, so in that movie, who does Cameron Diaz fall in love with in the end? Well, I don't want to tell you that. I don't want to spoil it. So she goes, oh, no, no, no.

So here's what happens, because Judo's Lord's English, and so is Kate Winslet. Yeah. And so Cameron Diaz goes to England, and Kate Winslet goes to America, and she falls in love with Jack Black. Kate Winslet does.

Right? This is what happens. Are they neighbours? No. They're not neighbours. No. They live in the proximity. Why is he living in England

because he's Jude Law. No Jude Law is living in England. Jude Law is. Okay. Right. And it's beautiful.

Why do they switch? Do they have an have they just had a breakup? They've just did they have a breakup? They've just... Did they have a breakup? The Cameron Diaz did. So you can see how predictable this movie is.

I've never seen it and I'm guessing the plot. Yeah, but it's the journey it takes you on. You never guessed the plot of Bad Santa. No, because he's bad. Also Jude Law, I saw him at a taping of a show, the Colbert show. They must fill his hair out in movies because he's quite thin

on top. Just saying. Oh. Are you being poor? Are you being poor? I'm allowed to say that because I'm bald. Yeah,

but that's got no effect on the holiday, on his body of work. No, but it is, I'm saying they've filled in his hair because he's very thin.

That could even be a wig. Again, how dare you? This is quite an old movie. Oh yeah, okay, fine. 76% it's winning.

Okay, well you can vote on our Instagram, FBMZM. So at the moment% it's winning. Okay, well you can vote on our Instagram, FBMZM. So at the moment, it's Love Actually, The Polar Express, and by the looks of it, The Holiday. Going through the next round. Through to our next round.

FBM. So Vaughn received a package to work. He brought this in this morning and was like, I'm not going to open this. There's two actually. Is there? This one's pretty cute too. But he said, oh, I'm not going to open this. There's two actually. Is there? This one's pretty cute too. But he said, oh, I'm not going to open this. It's quite emotional.

Oh, stop. Kids' Nikes. These kids, Nikes, Nikes, Nikes, right? Yeah. These kids have got better shoes than I do. That is so good. You've got your fancy new balances now. I just splashed out, but this is me for eight years,

so how long a new balance is going to be cool again for? Do you remember when Mum had some new balances in the 90s? I think they were different to those ones. We laughed at her about it at one stage, but now who's laughing? She is because she's still got them. Has it been noticeable the amount of comments you've had about those shoes? Well, like you guys.

I mean, I thought I was cool enough on personality alone to be your friend, but apparently no, it took a bit. It took shoes. Well, yeah, Megan, I was under the false impression that our friendship wasn't so... Well, no, your wife messaged me on Instagram. She said those look very nice. Yeah, she was

happy. But then she got angry at me because I was going to mow the lawns in them. She's like, for God's sake. So there's those little cute little shoes. But yeah, the other package I haven't opened because I was like, what is this? And I just worked out what it was before. And you don't want to cry in front of us. No, obviously, historically, I have no problem with crying.

So what did you receive in the mail this morning? It's Indy's school uniform for next year because she's changing schools because we've moved. So she is now old enough to have a school uniform. I know. I know. What happened to little Indy the baby? I know.

She arrived into this world early. She did. She's got some tiny wee tot. Tiny, tiny wee tot. I like what you're doing here. What are you doing there? She's a wee sweetie pie. And now she's a big girl.

No, so you can't break me because I've already broken over this. Right. Because we went to the school to like have a look around and meet the people. And then they're like, oh, try on the uniform for like sizing and then you order it online. Oh, yeah. So we've got one of everything. And I was like. They're like, you're right.

I was like, fine, I'll just wear it in here. And then when she got into the uniform, Shiloh's like, come and have a look and see what you think of this. And I was like... You had to leave the room. Walk past the office lady. No, August and I went and sat in the thing and we just like looked at all the photos and that.

And she's like coming in and I walk past the office lady. I was like... She's like, it's all right, dear. It's okay. And I was like... Thingy, thingy, found in the city. Maybe I was like thingy thingy fantasy me being an emotional mother thingy walk past

and I walk and I was like this is lovely is that you putting the tongue to the roof of your mouth yeah yeah yeah you're supposed to

stop crying and like somebody else said you um put your nails into your hand as much as you can or like pinch yourself

cause pain somewhere else it takes your mind off the emotional suffering and realisation that your tiny children are growing up before your very eyes and soon they're going to be rebellious teenagers. Yeah. That utter the H word. When they say the H word, I'm just going to like throw myself. I've already practised my routine.

What's the H word? Hate. I hate you. Because I've always said like I don't mind a slib of a swear word or whatever around the house, but I do not want that word used because I don't want a slib of a swear word Or whatever around the house But I do not want that word used Because I don't want them getting in the habit Of throwing it around

Right But you don't know what it's like I hate you Turn the wifi back on I hate you You're ruining my life This is the routine I have practiced For when the H word gets a

You play You're probably August Okay Okay Okay so Just wait Just do what you're asked for when the H word gets there. You play. You're probably. August. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So just wait.

Just do what you're asked. I want chocolate. You're 14 years old. You don't need chocolate. But I want chocolate. Dinner's going to be soon. I hate you. What?

A little dramatic. Dad, a little dramatic, Dad. A little dramatic. Dad's on the floor. Yeah. Get up. I'm actually like pretending I'm dead. Oh, okay. That's not going to work.

Full blown. I just faint and I lie silently and still. Don't think you're getting out of it. Yeah, he's been silly to get out of it. Okay, concentrate now. Open up this package and bring out Indy's uniform. I'm not going to. Oh, there's a lot of plastic wastage in wrapping a uniform.

Oh, look at this little hat. Oh, she's going to look real cute in that. Oh, it's a little bucket hat. Yeah. To protect your little face from the sun. It's a little hat off all parts. Oh, it's tiny. It's so cute.

Sorry, guys. The hat knocked out. And the rest of it. Oh, it's tiny. It's so cute. Sorry, guys. Feed back the hat. And the rest of it. Come on. Stop being stupid. Get out the little pants. I don't know what that is. What is all this?

How much did this cost me? See, what I've done there is I've beaten emotion with frugality. I'd rather be like, oh my God, this is so cute. Which I could be doing. I'm like, how much does all this cost? Do we need that? Because I've got a pair of, she could wear a pair of blue shorts she's already got at home. If everyone knows what you're doing.

I know, I'm just detracting from it. Oh, look at that. It's so small. It's so weird to see. I know. Megan's trying to needle you into crying. You can't because I've already seen her wearing it. I've already cried.

Right? The school uniform and then she'll be driving a car. It's like an immunisation. It's like going and getting your jabs. Yeah. You have it once, you can't get it again. Right? So I've already cried over the uniform situation,

so I'm not going to cry over it again. Not until I actually see you going to school in it, and I'll be like... You're going to need to take the morning off when you take her to school, and that, aren't you? Handy. Yeah. You guys want the morning off too?

Shall I petition that? I mean, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have a kid to take to school, though. And then August starts school next year. Oh, right. I need the morning off for that too. She's going to have to get a uniform too.

It's going to be long and Aunty Magoo's will be taking them for driving lessons, get their belly button pierced. No! They'll be telling me about the boyfriend. Back right up, Aunty Magoo's. Am I a bad person? Am I a bad person is a segment of the show

where we take your quandary and your conundrum where you're thinking, am I a bad person for thinking this or doing this or wanting to do this? And we all judge as a country. And then I think, like, whatever we decide you have to go with. You're legally obligated and contractually signed into following through on.

Polly, good morning. Good morning, guys. How are you? Good. Okay, so you've got a Christmas conundrum. Yes. Okay. So what's up?

It's like a festive time of year conundrum. Okay. I work six days a week most weeks. I get one day off. And my job also involves having to go to a lot of like functions for Christmas drinks. Okay. Which actually just ends up, they're all the same industry, so it just ends up being six lots of drinks with the same people

that I have to do over the next three weeks. Okay. That sounds horrible. It's pretty tiring having the same conversation with the same people constantly. And amongst all of that, I still have to sleep, eat, try not to let enormous piles of dirty washing and dishes get on top of me in my apartment and stuff like that.

So I get one day off a week to do this kind of thing. And I made like a sweeping declaration about a week or so ago that I wasn't going to be going to any more social events or anything with any of my friends for the rest of the year. It's too hard. I don't have the time. I'm going to get tired and miserable or sick. So I decided that I was going to throw my own like Christmas drinks and nibs night.

And I gave everyone plenty of notice. And I said like, this is it. If you want to catch up with me, this is going to be the own like Christmas drinks and nibs tonight and I gave everyone plenty of notice and I said like, this is it. If you want to catch up with me, this is going to be the last time I'm doing anything. You're more than welcome to come. I'll cater it. You don't have to bring anything. It's all good.

But now people are kind of getting on my case like and making me feel like I'm being selfish because I'm missing so-and-so's party or someone wanted to do like a picnic or wanted to have like a bottomless brunch or a Sunday session and they're making me feel like guilty for not being a part of it. And I'm going, well, no, I'm doing this for myself.

Yeah, I am being a little bit selfish. But I'm offering everyone the opportunity to still do that kind of thing, but I'm not going to anything else. Am I being selfish by doing this? When's the light at the end of the tunnel? When will you again open yourself up to social occasions? Next year, January. That's not even that far away.

What is this? No. Exactly. People can't be too, at this time of year, you miss events all the time because of double bookings and stuff.

It's not the end of the world. The thing is, you're talking to three people who kind of do this all the time. So we're totally on your side. Oh, 100%. But then I can understand

if you've got a tight group of friends, if you do make that can understand if you've got a tight group of friends. Yeah. If you do make that bold claim, that can rock the friend group, can't it? It does. It really has. People are just like, and so many people just don't believe me. Because I do this, I go through this every year where I just burn myself out.

Yeah. And just overcommit and do way too much and go to work. I'm like three hours asleep, hungover, don't want to be there and I just get miserable. And so this year I was like, no, that's enough. Enough is enough. I'm going to try and take care of myself this year. And there are people who are like,

you're not going to do this. You can't commit to that. No way. I don't believe you. We'll see you in the bar tomorrow night. Like, don't worry. Well, because we talked about this a week or so ago, Christmas burnout, how it's a thing.

Yeah. Totally is a thing. And so you wouldn't be alone in that. So, okay, so is Polly a bad person for not being social before Christmas? It's really what you're asking, isn't it? I personally, I would have said no, regardless. But the fact that you're putting on one social occasion and you're like, if you want to catch up with me over the time, I'd say absolutely not.

You're a good person. You're catering that as well. Yeah. I think we all agree. I'm a bad person. I'm literally like, yeah, I'm on my way. And then I just don't go. Or yeah, 100% be there.

Just don't go. Yeah, maybe you should try that. Just say you're going to be there and then don't go. Say you were there. It's just gotten to the point where like people like someone's made a group chat like for some event or some function that I'm invited to, and I just leave straight away.

I'm like, no, I'm not even entering into the idea. I'm not coming. And then I get messages on the site, why did you leave the chat? And I'm like, because I told you all I'm not going. Why do people care so much? Yeah, it's your life. You're allowed to not go.

And this isn't even taking into account the fact that I still have, like, family stuff I've got to attend. Yeah. And, like, that I'm making time for family. But, like, my friends, I'm like, no, you get one chance. If you can't make it, I'm not going to be mad because I understand it's a busy time of year.

Okay, well. I'm just not committing to anything. If you're in the same situation as Polly, I don't know, what do you think? Have you been in this situation? Have you lost friends over it? Is Polly a bad person or is she not? Am I a bad person?

Well, we just heard from Polly, who wants to know if you think she's a bad person because she is worried about Christmas burnout. She has all these Christmas functions to go to. Yeah. So she's told her friends, look, if you want to hang out, I'll do one event and that's it.

And she's not going to go to any of the others. She sounds like she has demanding friends. Yeah. Like, everyone's busy this time of year, aren't they? You just say, oh, I can't go, I've got something else on. And then, so she's organising an event for these people, but then she said if they don't come, that's fine. So, because somebody messaged in saying it's all very well and good to say, I'm not going to any Christmas events come to mine. But

she's also not holding it against them if they don't come to hers or say they can't. Yeah. Jana, is she a bad person? Nah, not at all. I wouldn't even pre-warn people, so she's doing really well. She lets people know. I know, like, even putting on a function for them, I just wouldn't turn

up. Nah, no, wouldn't even do that. Just be like, yeah, I'm going, yeah, I'm going. Yeah, I know, I, even putting on a function for them, I just wouldn't turn up. No, no, you wouldn't even do that. Just be like, yeah, I'm going, yeah, I'm going. I wouldn't even do a function. Yeah, I know, I'm the same. Yeah. Okay, so now I'm the same person. Some people are different, though. Like, we don't care as much,

but then we have friends that, like, I don't know, they understand, right? Yeah. Whereas some people, I guess, feel the pressure. So really, your friends, they would totally understand because, like, the worst thing is being burnt out. So they should understand that she wants to look after herself and have a bit of time out.

Especially if she's doing those sex functions for her work as well, that's pretty full on. It's too much. Yeah. I'm going to do one and that's too full on. Jana, thanks for your call. Emily, do you think Polly's a bad person? I absolutely don't think she's a bad person.

I think she's a bad person. I think she's got really clear boundaries and that her friends should respect them. And good on you. I think I'm going to do the same thing this year. Right, just say no. She knows that what is enough for her, and that's really important, I think. Yeah.

Yeah, okay. Okay, then that's good. And as you say, she's set some fairly clear boundaries. There's no grey area there. Absolutely. But I tell you what, we've had a couple of people saying she's not a bad person, but we have had people saying she is a bad person. Really?

She's a bad friend. Those who give you time aren't people to just brush off. Everyone's in the same boat at this time of year. If it's one or two events, that's fine. But to write everyone and every friend off in this time of the year is a bit of a weird thing to do. She's not writing them off. She's just not going to those functions. Yeah.

Well, she's writing off activities with them. Okay. Steph, you've been in this kind of situation actually caused a fight in your friend group. Yeah. I was trying to put myself first, look after myself. I was a single mum working and studying full time. Yeah. Things were getting pretty crazy.

And basically I just said, you know, they were organising a big thing and I said, I can't go. I really need to look after myself. I can't afford the extra stuff. And it's just, I need some time to myself at the moment. One of the girls really objected to it, went absolutely nuts, caused drama, and the whole friend group split up.

What? That's crazy. If you have a friend that's coming to you saying exactly what you just said and they don't understand, then let them go. They're not your true friend. Yeah, and that was kind of at the point where I said, you know, I'm only going to be friends with people that are actually going to be happy for what I need for myself. I need to look after myself and I don't need drama.

And people who care for you. Yeah, and so I look after myself and I don't need drama. And people who care for you. Yeah and so I was just like I don't need drama if people are gonna cause drama in my life then they're not worth it and since then I've got significantly better people in my life so yeah. Nice, so you'd say she's not a bad person? Oh no she gets a bit bitchy but that's you know everyone does. Wait a minute are you still talking about Alcola before or are you talking about the friend that bitched you? Oh, no, my friend.

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, no. Poor Polly. We don't know if she gets bitchy. No, I think she's doing the right thing. She's even giving them a chance to, you know, give them some time with her. So I don't think it's bad a person at all. Exactly.

And like you say, you've got to look after yourself. Thanks, Steph. Somebody said, this is the mental health discussion we all need it's a bad person at all. Exactly, and like you say, you've got to look after yourself. Thanks, Steph. Somebody said, this is the mental health discussion we all need to have a little bit more often. Polly is taking responsibility for her own mental health. Totally. And what she's doing is very sensible at this time of year where people are just trying to burn the candle at both ends

when they say to themselves, it'll be over soon. Well, and that's the thing, if you, like, we had, what, Kaylin had four days in a row, I think we had, like, three days of drinking, three parties in a row. I think we had, like, three days of drinking, three parties in a row. Like, it takes it out of you. Like, alcohol does knock you, doesn't it?

Yeah. And do you know, there was a person at our work party who didn't want to be there. And I said, if you need to go home, I'll walk you out and we'll act like we're having a discussion and you can leave. But they ended up having a really good night in the end. But you think every time you're like, I'm just not feeling it

and I want to leave and everyone makes you stay. And feel to do what I do, become a weekend introvert. Like, go home and don't leave. It's really great. You do you. Yeah, exactly. So what, you'd say at the end of it, most people saying she's not a bad person. A few people, but you can

from the text messages we got from people saying she is a bad person have been stood up by their friends at this time of year or not been ranked as important as other things. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about a show that used to be at the Victorian Theatre, otherwise known as Hammerstein's in New York.

Okay. At the turn of the century, 1907, New York. Picture it. I don't know. I'm picturing that movie Gangs of New York with Leonardo DiCaprio and Daniel Day-Lewis. Great movie. Long. It's a bit violent.

That would be my critique of it. A little bit long. Quite violent, but the length was more of an issue for me than I violence. So they always had shows going on. Magicians. Shakespearean plays. Yeah. All those sorts of things.

Now, they had a show called Sober Suit. Okay. And it was a theatre show where they would award $1,000 to anybody who could get Sue to crack a smile. Okay. Yeah. This is a good idea. So they'd wheel Sue out at an intermission and people would buy tickets to see the show, whatever show was happening, the magicians or the comedians or whatever, knowing that at the intermission Sue was going to come out

and people would try to make Sue laugh. They said, we'll give you $1,000 if you can make Sue laugh. At the turn of the century that would be like a million dollars. An insane amount of money. That's insane. $1,000 would have been a lot. So you can imagine many people showed up and travelled from far away to make

Sue laugh. Professional comedians showed up and travelled from far away to make Sue laugh. Professional comedians showed up. Clowns, jugglers. Is there a plot twist? Actors with shows. The crowds got bigger and it turned out they weren't even coming for the stage show anymore. So they just started putting Sue on there and giving an open mic night basically. So people would come to see if anyone would make Sue laugh.

But these performances were getting of such a high calibre that it was kind of like a stand-up set. Right. With all these people doing funny jokes and tricks to try to make Sue laugh. No one ever made Sue laugh. Can I guess? Was she blind or deaf or both? No. Was it a human? Yes. Was...

Sue dead or alive? No, Sue was alive. Sue was a live human who could hear and see. Oh, I don't know. Sue suffered from a rare condition that led to total facial paralysis. Oh, so she was internally cracking up. She loved it. It was a trap. When they were like asking her about it, loved it.

Thought all of them were amazing, but had no ability to show expression in her face. Wow. Wow. And so her default look was, this isn't Sue, this picture I'm about to show you, but this is what her face looked like. Right. Oh, just like bitchy rest of her face.

Is that like my face in meetings? I imagine my face looks a bit like that in a meeting. Just less attentive. Yeah, just like daydreaming, but kind of like not paying attention. But she had facial paralysis and the fact that that was just how, like her eyes could open and she could blink. Did people know about this? Her facial paralysis?

Not until right at the end. Right, okay. Oh, I reckon I'd be quite good at that. So the whole thing was, it basically became that the theatre did not have to pay anything to get all of the country's best comedians to come and put on a free show on the premise that these comedians thought the big payday was going to come because they were going to get the $1,000.

Right. So when it came out that she had facial paralysis and she lacked the ability to smile or laugh, everybody felt, all the comedians felt gypped, but the theatre had made a lot of money. Wow. That's great. And then in 1915, it burnt down. These things happen. These things happen.

These things happen. Some children's stand-up performer. So many old buildings just burnt down. If you ever go to a historic building, they're like, oh yeah, it was built in 1887. It burnt down in 1892. Rebuilt in 1897. Burnt down four years later. it was built in 1887. It burnt down in 1892, rebuilt in 1897, burnt down four years later.

Rebuilt, burnt down, rebuilt, burnt down. It's like, if I burnt down once, I'd be very careful with the lighters and everything. Is the gas off? Yeah, the gas is off. Okay, no open flames. This is obviously a very flammable plonk. So today's fact of the day is there was a theatre show

in 1907 called Sober Sue where to win $1,000 you had to make Sue laugh, but Sue was actually physically incapable of laughing. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Are your Christmas decorations making you look tacky? I haven't even done, I haven't got any. Oh, you've just moved though. That's your excuse. But then, yeah.

I mean, if you don't get them up this week, it's no point. You could draw a Christmas tree on your blackboard wall. Gotcha. Oh my God. Nice work by you. How long is that lasting for, the blackboard wall? For a while. Okay.

So you know that I take my Christmas, everything seriously. You had yours up a couple of weeks ago. Yeah. I take my decorations seriously. I take the wrapping seriously. There is nothing to be wrapped in anything other than matching paper. And there's a theme of black and silver this year. What happens if someone comes over for Christmas with you,

and they have got you a present, and it doesn't match all the ones under your tree? It happens, Carl, and it really pisses me off. I put them at the back. Underneath the nice ones? All I'm asking for is a little bit of care. You don't have to buy expensive wrapping paper. Mine was like $2.50, but put a bit of care into it.

And why do people not use ribbons anymore? Because CBF gets torn open. You can get a massive reel for $2. Like, just a little bit of ribbon. Yeah, but then next year you're changing your bloody theme and I have to go and buy a new reel of ribbon. Yeah. What am I going to do with all that ribbon in the meantime?

Well, if you're buying Megan a Christmas present, she'd like you to adhere to the... The simple rules. The simple rules. The simple rules. So this isn't just decorations. It's everything to do with Christmas. This is the etiquette. Okay.

Where do you fall under this? Okay. Door bows or garlands? No. There is a right and wrong. It's a no for me. What's a garland? You know, the ring.

Like a wreath. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. What? Okay. It's always... Like a leafy lifesaver.

Right. So some people put up bows and other decorations. It is always a garland. I've got a wooden one with like little, like, when I say glitter, like. Classy glitter. Classy glitter. A strip of glitter. Right, okay, strip of glitter.

A strip of glitter and then it's got a little like mistletoe bit on it. And that's on your front door. Yeah. Okay. It's a garland. Now, when it comes to Christmas trees. Wait, but what was the wrong part? Any bows or any other kind of decoration.

Oh, so you don't put a bow on the door? No. Only a ring. Only a garland. A garland is for the door. Okay. A tree donut. When it comes to trees,

apparently the more real looking now the better. So they want to be bushy and they want to be like slightly off kilter, you know? I'm seeing a lot of what do you call it? People getting real Christmas trees. Backlash is the word I was looking for. Online. With people that are getting real trees. What's the backlash? What do you think?

Deforestation. Yeah. But they were growing specifically for that purpose. Somebody grew that tree knowing that it was going to guess what? The person who's doing that is going to replace it with another tree. Remember we've talked about this many times over the years. There's no winning

because actual fake Christmas trees, Yeah, have way bigger impact on the environment. They take forever to break down and stuff. Okay,

so we can't win. No. No winning. I blamed baby Jesus for being born in the first place. I know. Tinsel. Yeah.

You may have, oh, you weren't there. When we decorated your house, I had a big rant. Tinsel. Yeah. You may have, oh you weren't there. When we decorated your house, I had a big rant about tinsel. Yeah. Don't use it. We don't use tinsel anymore. For the environment and because it's tacky. And because my cat ate it. And then. Which is

hence I've been to the vet eight times. Put out that weird tinsel notch. I've been showing everyone the photo of the cat poo with tinsel coming out of it. Yeah. It's very festive. You do like big, like I've got big glittery flowers instead of tinsel. Like lots of, oh and I've been showing everyone the photo of the cat poo with tinsel coming out of it. It's very festive. You do like big, like I've got big glittery flowers instead of tinsel. Like lots of, oh, and I've got pearl. Yeah, because I mean glitter is well documented to be better for the environment, isn't it?

Shut up. Glitter. But tinsel is like our parents' age. We don't do tinsel anymore apparently. Right, okay. Lights. Don't use multicoloured lights. Use white. Warm or white, white. Okay Lights. Don't use multicoloured lights. Use white. Warm or white, white.

Okay. But don't use multicoloured lights. They're a bit old. It's a bit old school. But I am supporting the rainbow community with my lights. Oh, okay. Fair enough. I can't argue with you.

Gotcha. What goes on top of the Christmas tree? Angel. Star. Oh, one of you is right and one of you is wrong. Star. Star goes on top of the Christmas tree? Angel. Star. Oh, one of you is right and one of you is wrong. Star. Star goes on top of the Christmas tree. Fairies and angels are too old school. Don't force your theology

on me. And the last one, and this is the only one that I have messed up on. Yeah. When should you officially put up your Christmas tree? December. So the Church of England has a specific date that everyone should adhere to, and it's the same every year.

It happens on this date regardless of what day. That'll be this weekend? No. When? The 17th of December. What? The 17th. That's late.

Why even bother? But that's because I've got other stuff going on, right? Like, I don't have anything happening in my life. I need Christmas to happen. I need the festivities to kick in ASAP. Yeah, and that's the real reason we have the matching ribbons and present wrapping because Megan literally has nothing to do in her life.

It's a seasonal hobby. Her present. Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. The podcast. I don't have children, but I will still comment on this. Dog children. Oh, yeah. Leo.

Fur babies. Fur babies. People used to call them fur babies. I love fur babies. Yeah, and I wouldn't have a problem doing this with Leo. Okay. And Fletcher, you do it with Karen, your fur baby. Do what?

This woman in the UK, she's a mum of a one-year-old son. His name is Ralphie. And Ralphie is a social media influencer. Ralphie. Ralphie. How, what, like, is he making money off Instagram? 15,000 followers. 15,000?

Yeah. And so through sponsorships and different things, the family has managed to accumulate almost 20,000 New Zealand dollars worth of freebies, like clothes, furniture, days out, all kinds of things for Ralphie. But the kids won. Yeah.

But then, like, we were talking about Ryan's toy review before and how he made $22 million last year. That's, like, he was young when it started and... Yeah. Well, and I can't imagine they're forcing him to do it. No, he's having fun. He's playing. Yeah. Although the one-year-old wouldn't know any better, would they?

No. But is that why people have got a problem with it? So people are saying, you know, like, yeah, you're basically forcing this upon him. He doesn't know any better. How do you make money off your child? That kind of thing. Like, you're a, I guess it's the equivalent of like a stage mum. But then you're not going to be able to force, I wouldn't imagine, a one-year-old to do something

that he just didn't want to do. No. Right? One-year-olds are horrendously temperamental. Plus they eat and they poop a lot. You've got to pay the bills, don't you? You've got to pay the way. Pay for the nappies.

I've done paid posts with my daughters. I don't make any secret out of it. But they have to want to do it. Yeah, because we're always like, oh, get the girls to do this. And Vaughn's like, they won't do that. They won't do that. You just get to know what your kids will do and what they have to want to do it. Yeah, because we're always like, oh, get the girls to do this. And Vaughn's like, they won't do that. They won't do that. You just get to know what your kids will do and what they won't want to do. And it's hard work. But if they don't want to do it, you don't

force them to do it. And I've put that money aside for them. They've got more money than I do. I thought you were spending it on drugs. Yeah, well, I mean, don't get me wrong. They're certainly helping Daddy have a whiskey at night. But no, I'm just putting the money aside for them so that they can. When will they be allowed to spend that?

I don't know. Because I'm also like you can't. Because my mum wouldn't let us spend money on cars growing up. Yeah. She wanted like any money we had. She's like, you're not buying some huckery piece of SHIT car. Yeah. So I was like, oh, well, you can put it towards university.

Lollies. And Shardo's like, well, they can put it towards their first car. I was like, no, they're not putting it towardsIT car. Yeah. So I was like, oh, well, you can put it towards university. Lollies. And Shardo's like, well, they can put it towards their first car. I was like, no, they're not putting it towards a car

because they'll buy some silly thing like their mother did. Didn't wish she had that turboed car. That's right. Bloody stupid thing. That was fun to drive,

but God, I'm glad I didn't have to pay for it. It was a Subaru, wasn't it? No, no, no. It was, no, we bought the,

the trade-off was the first car we bought together was a Subaru, but it wasn't turboed or anything. Yeah. But it looked the part. But no, she had that, Mitzi.

Lancey, that Mitsubishi GSR Lancey. She's a good racer. Oh yeah, she was a full-blown shebogan. What do you call the fembogan? Feebogan. Feebogan, aren't they? See, people, we always talk about How she did you up I did her up

But you did her up as well Didn't you Yeah Yeah In a way Like she was always You know A stunning build

But How would you Maybe the electrics Needed doing Just the wiring She needed some rewiring I know better than to comment At all

She's bottled someone She worked at a Shop Where And I can say the shop I think they're out of business Right Like Liz Lippy to comment at all. She's bottled someone. She worked at a shop where, and I'm, I can say the shop, I think they're out of business, right?

Like, Liz Lippy around anymore? No, I'm not sure. She'll admit it, like, when you work at a place like that,

you spend so much at the place. Yeah, because they give you a discount. Yeah, yeah, they give you a discount

so you buy heaps of stuff. So, you know, I worked on that side of things. She worked all, it was a mutual work together. And now look at us.

You've won the block. We have. We've won the block. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. For more, check out ZDM online. We've been doing it for the weekend. ZDM.