ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - December 06 2019

Episode Date: December 5, 2019

Fletch had some surprising news at the Doctors, Friday Flashback and when did you have to change your pets name?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music. Lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Hey. Ah, that was going on, aren't ya? Thanks, aren't ya? Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Cool. Excellent. I'll, um... He's like, let's get this over with. Yeah, I'll say it faster next time, eh?

Yeah, yeah, well, just half of it. Thankfully, that news credit's already in the company, so... Oh, exactly. That's why I didn't care. God, it's Friday, isn't it? I mean, I do care. And you should see how your property's doing at oneroop.co.nz. Or not. I went there the other day and they reckon my sub has dropped half a million dollars.

Probably. Oh, and what a coincidence. You moved in. I have added nothing but value to the community. So what your neighbours will say? All of them? One of them. Wow, good burn from you.

I'm loving this roasting so early in the morning. One of them. No further comment. Let's just say Vaughan's going to grow that hedge a bit taller. Well, yeah, that's the idea. Some poos around the bottom. Not my po going to grow that hedge a bit taller. Well, yeah, that's the idea. Put some poos around the bottom. Some animal, not my poos. Although that's a good idea.

Some animal poo. Grow the neighbours out. Boost that, boost that. Grizzlenia hedge. Hedge chat, I could go on. Friday today, Megan, your pick for Friday flashback today. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, okay. I had a suggestion from Fletch this morning, but it was pretty dumb. Friday today Megan your pick for Friday flashback today oh yeah okay yeah okay

I had a suggestion from Fletch this morning but it was pretty dumb so I don't know surprise surprise I always pick great Friday flashbacks unbelievable

the sass I'll work on that I'd almost say well next week next Friday is the last Friday flashback

of the year that'll be Christmas, no doubt. So old Scrooge over here will be able to pick his favourite Christmas song. Well, no, I'm going to give mine to Caitlin because that'll be her last show. She can pick. A Christmas song. Well, any song that's Friday flashback material. Right.

Just because it's her last show. Well, I think you could go a Christmas song. Really? No. Oh, you said it now. Or a song with a Christmas feel, right? Well, I was saying maybe do something from So Pop, the So Pop line-up. Oh, yeah, okay.

That's a good line-up too. Have we ever done Sofie Otis Picks the Mooter and the Dirt Soap? That, as the kids say, used to slap. On the outback dance floor, that used to slap. They didn't play that at the outback. No, they didn't play that at the Outback dance floor. That used to... They didn't play that at the Outback. No, they didn't play that at the...

No, they did. They did it on the dance floor. Yes, I had it on Minidisc Player. Look those up, kids. Those were a technological flash in the pan. Nobody had those. You only had one because you stole it from the radio station you worked at.

They were a radio station thing. Let's keep that on the downline, please. What's the statute of limitations on there as a servant? Well, I think if the radio station thing. Let's keep that on the downline, please. What's the statute of limitations on theft as a servant? Well, I think if the radio station doesn't exist now, you're fine. I've escaped absolutely scot-free. All right, you lot, listen up.

It's story time. Story time. I give Vaughan and Megan three news headlines and they pick only one. Headline one, love triangle falls over. Headline two, six-year-old wins show and tell. And headline three, hoverboard dentist on trial. Hoverboard dentist?

We've talked about the hover pharmacists, haven't we? Because they don't have legs behind their little... No, they don't have legs behind the counter. Behind the counter? No legs. They just hover there in their white coats. Hoverboard dentist. Hoverboard dentist on trial.

Did the... You're dying. You're coughing a lot. Have you contracted some sort of... We had a late night yesterday. No, it wasn't late cheese dairy I had breakfast later this morning and usually do you

coughing before six yeah I do my coughing before six and then I'm clear he eats his breakfast by six yeah absolutely coughs up

but jeez would you have a drink have a drink of water I don't have a drink of water do I where's your coffee I'm finished my coffee

can we get Lord Farquaad a drink of water please you I? Where's your coffee, Faye? I'm finished with coffee. Can we get Lord Farquhar a drink of water, please? They're just saying no. Unbelievable. I would rather see... Let him die. Wow. Great to see that. Kaven's going to be a nurse. Let him choke.

Let him cough it out. She's in the departure lounge. Absolutely. She's in the departure lounge a week before her flight leaves. Well, Vaughn only turned up 15 minutes ago, so I'll say he's there too. Lucky I came. Lucky to be here. What was that? Was it a seven-year-old?

A kid brought a... Six-year-old wins show and tell. Oh, yeah. With an AFT? No. A gun. Yes. Oh, yeah. With an AFT? No. A gun. Yes. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Is that brought to us by Florida? That's it? New Mexico. Oh, there's still America. That's good. Hoverboard dentist style, I think.

Okay. You want that one, Megan? I think so. Or do you want... This was the hoverboarding while he was dentisting and he did something like shot them in the mouth. Who knows? Let's find out more.

We'll go there. Let's do a deep dive. Okay, we go now to Anchorage now where a dentist is on trial and patients have been testifying all week after a lot of them have had teeth removed without their permission. What?

This apparently was some kind of scam where the dentist... Was working for the Tooth Fairy. What a team they would make. Yes. This dentist and the Tooth Fairy both standing trial. And they're in cahoots. How good is the term in cahoots? I know, yeah.

It's so good. Boys. What does that even mean? I know, yeah, it's so good. Boys. What does that even mean? I know what it means. It'll be Latin. Where is that from? In cahoots. Let me have a look.

Well, apparently a former employee told investigators that this dentist was increasing profits by performing more intravenous sedation than necessary. So he was sedating patients and then removing teeth and doing things that he shouldn't have been doing or didn't need to do in order to make extra money, billing millions of dollars to patients.

One patient, a lot of testimony and evidence, it's all pretty boring, but one person did say, and a video in fact was shown in court during proceedings of the dentist, showing him pulling a sedated patient's tooth pretty boring but one person uh did say and a video in fact was shown in court uh during proceedings of the dentist uh showing him pulling a sedated patient's tooth while riding a hoverboard and then riding away spinning around with his hands raised in the air that patient uh was

identifying on june one of those you know those hoverboards at the start of the year that all the airlines were banning you Because of the lithium batteries? Yeah, yeah. That sounds like a villain in some comic book series. Sounds like, wee! It sounds like Bourne if he was a dentist. Oui! Hands in the air.

Yeah, anyway, he's facing a lot of charges. Oh, the poor old fella. Poor him. His poor patience. Can't do bloody anything these days. One of them had four teeth taken out. Good Lord. They should have brushed.

I thought they were back ones. No, they didn't need them taken out. At all. So they were brushing. Okay. The origin of the term in cahoots, it seems to be there's no concrete where it came from, but they thought it might have a French origin, old French. A cahoot was a cabin, so you would be entering cahoots.

You'd be going to a cabin with them to be like, let's work out a deal. So you would do your cahooting in a cahoot. It doesn't sound French, cahoot, does it? Well, I'm probably not saying it. Cahoot. It still doesn't sound French, Kahoot. Does it? Well, I'm probably not saying it. Kahoot. Kahoot. It still doesn't sound French. Kahoot. Anyway, good to know.

Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. An Australian woman has gone to jail for doing something that we've all done. Me especially. Okay. So the severity of her offending is worse than mine. Right. Just want to put it out there. But she lied on her CV.

I don't think I've done that. Oh, really? Because I've not really had to apply for jobs. You just kind of, I got my first line in. A little white lie. Yeah, maybe I've done a little white lie. Well, like in an interview. Added a couple of months to experience or a job, rounded up.

When you're sitting there and they're asking you, can you do this? Can you do that? My rule is just to say yes to all of it. And then when you get the job, figure it out real quick. Yeah. Can you fly aeroplanes? Sure. Absolutely.

Well, I mean. Maybe not that. I've been given the Irish best. So she was sentenced to two years jail. What? Two years? What did she say? So she lied on her CV.

She got her brother to write a fake reference for her saying she was a senior leadership official with 20 years experience. Right. She also used herself as a reference to get the job. She was a Chief Information Officer at South Australia's Department of Premier Cabinet. So it was government, right? Jeez. So they just rung her

up and she's like, yes, I'm a reference for this person. I just hear Derek and she did put on another voice. Hello. Hello. Sue speaking. Hi, I'm calling about Sue. Yes. That's true. So this job was high paying as well.

So in the month that she was there, she got almost $35,000 New Zealand dollars. For a month? For a month. Yeah, yeah. Jeez. Very high paying job. So that's why she's going to prison

because this is like high end fraud. And then at the while she was doing the job, she was, she had access to sensitive material. But that's on them for letting someone like her in. Two years in jail.

But also, it's not fraud if you're working. She was still working. Yeah, was she like wildly failing at tasks? Or was she doing okay? Like, if she was still doing nine to five, just fire her. Don't send her to prison. It's on you for hiring her and not doing background checks.

Well, they did. She was the background check. That's not enough of a background check. A really lovely leader. My brother would not do that for me. What did you say she earned in the month? $34,633. New Zealand.

$34,633. Okay, so that was a month. That was for a month. Jeez. Let's see what that is. That's $415,000 a year. And you're not doing your in-depth research before hiring someone to pay them that much. Yeah, no, that's on you.

This is my point. But they called two references. But also, like, one of which was her. Who was running these interviews? Did they not meet her in person? I'm guessing they did. Yeah. But then if you talk to someone on the phone and then meet them in person,

you wouldn't necessarily be like, they sound the same. Yeah. Especially if she put on a voice. And then her brother wrote like a real glowing reference. I just cannot believe you can go to prison for two years for that. That's just crazy. Because what was the charge? Fraud.

Financial fraud. The judge said, I don't know what the charge specifically is. You fraudulently obtained employment for which you were paid a large salary and in course of which you may have had access to sensitive material. Go to jail. Do not pass go. If it wasn't a government job paying $400,000 a year, if it was a $40,000

salary in an office for Joe Bloggs, you wouldn't go to jail, would you? No. I would imagine they'd just fire you and that would be the end of it. Yeah. Wow. Just think about that next time you lie and you see that.

You can go to jail. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. We get towards the end of the year. We start getting stats from big companies that do a lot of, and this is, it's easier for them to do it now. Oh, it is, yeah.

Because everything's digital. Yeah. Obviously, I know how to do it. That sounded like I was somewhat informed on, oh, yes, press the stats button. Yeah. And again, print out the stats for everybody. But one I want to talk about now, Uber Eats,

the most popular dish. And now, I would have thought on population alone, it would have been Auckland. But then when I thought about it more, Auckland has so many zones for Uber Eats.

Like when I lived in West Auckland. You an Uber Eats zone, Megan? Yeah, only just. Yeah, so you don't have many things to pick from, eh? No. Because I'll only do

things in your area. Right. Yeah, I'm out of the Uber Eats zone now, eh? Because I'll only do things in your area. Right. Yeah, I'm out of the Uber Eats zone now. Literally, I could walk down to the corner of the road and wait there. Have you ever done that? No. Because it's even further west than Megan, it's like two choices. Oh, right.

But there's zones. Right. So Christchurch, a little bit more, if you're in Christchurch, you might be able to get it from anywhere. It's less geographically spread. That's true. We helped out James when we were Uber eating. It was one of those places we went to that has the most popular dish on Uber Eats.

Really? It is a Christchurch kebab takeaway, best Turkish food. Really? And their most popular dish was a $17.20 meat on chips dish. So it's like, you know kebab on rice? Yeah. Yeah. It's kebab on chips, basically.

That would actually be so yum. Yeah. The most popular midnight meal. Someone was telling me about this last weekend. This is what they always get. Meat on chips. With sauce. It comes with like kebab, whatever sauce you want.

That would be great after a night of drinking. Because you don't want rice at like 2am. I don't want rice at 2am. We want too many carbs for you. So I'll go for a deep fried potato. No, it's just not a, like it's a dinner thing or a lunch thing. Not a 2am, I'm drunk, I need some food to me thing. No rice things.

You're not really thinking of the... I want chips. I want burgers. Yeah. I want fatty foods. Yeah. You're not thinking of the... I want chips. I want burgers. Yeah. I want fatty foods. Yeah. You're not thinking of simple carbohydrates? No.

So the owner said they're open till 4am in the summer. Wow. Because of how busy it is. And Uber Eats is their main... When do they sleep? I'm just like having a conniption thinking about that as a business owner. Well, yeah. I'm guessing the owner's not there till 4am.

Right. But they probably are if their chef leaves. Yeah, they. I'm guessing the owner's not there till 4am. Right. But they're looking at... They probably are if they're... Yeah, they're probably are. They're staffing issues that you do. They're looking at owning another shop in Christchurch because of so much demand around the city. I mean, that's why Uber Eats rules for them

because a whole lot of people are eating that would probably find it too challenging otherwise. Yeah. So Hamilton, this is Uber stats all up. Hamilton was the busiest for Uber drivers. Okay.

That's just standard Uber. The biggest Uber Eats order this year was one order. It was Japanese cuisine. It was $1,163. That's catering. That's catering. That's catering, like a company sushi. Yeah, that's a company definitely doing a lunch.

But I mean, if you're spending that much money, you pre-organise it. That's the event staff forgetting to cater an event and then panicking last minute and just, how much sushi would you get for $1,000? All of it. So much. All of it.

They'd have to get their roll on. Those little bamboo rollers that'd be going a million miles an hour. And does the Uber Eats driver get a heads up that this is like a, they get there just expecting to pick up a bag and then they're like, oh. James, would you have been able to fit,

have you even done any Uber Eats lately or any Uber Eats? He's moved out west. Yeah, since I've moved out west, I haven't really entered into the Uber Eats stuff. I've got to update a couple of documents too. Since He's moved out west. Yeah, since I've moved out west, I haven't really entered into the Uber stuff. I've got to update a couple of documents too. Since he's moved out west, you could literally turn up at my door

and be like, hi, James. I could. What documents do you need to update? Your licence and stuff? Yeah, no, you need to, because you have to have car insurance. Are you not rocking insurance at the moment? No, I am.

I just read Newbind, so I need to take photos and send them in and everything like that. But what would you do with $1,000 worth of sushi? Would that even fit in your car? How would it come? Like on like a big... Trays? Because remember, I can fit a sales extra large pizza box.

Well, you have to. It's part of the prereq of being an Uber driver. I imagine it would just be a couple of those stacked up, wouldn't it? Yeah, right. $1,000. It'd be a few of those. No, it could be at Yeah, right. $1,000. A few of those. Nah, it could be at least five. It'd be your back seat.

My car would be alright because I've got a big boot. But I imagine some of those other Priuses or maybe even a Toyota Vitz would have no shot at the Vitz. No offence to your boot though, but if you turned up

and gave me my $1,000 sushi out of the back of your boot, that's a bit dodged. I'm going to rule you don't buy sushi from a boot. Exactly. It's a good life form. The isolation bag wouldn't be able to handle that much sushi. No, going to rule, you don't buy sushi from a boot. Exactly. It's a good lifestyle. The isolation bag wouldn't be able to handle that much sushi.

No, no, no, no, no. You wouldn't be able to keep it out. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Good morning. What? Good morning. Good morning. Good.

18 days until Christmas. 18 days, Christmas 18 days 17 hours 14 minutes 50 seconds That's scary So today's top six Because if you're going to get one

You might as well get one A Christmas tree Yep If you're not going to get it this weekend Do you bother? Yeah Some people do Because they get busy

Right And they just want it there For the family day Right for the day Yeah Okay But I see what you're saying You need to get your money's worth

Yes Especially if you're going to buy it You know a flash one Or you buy it late for the family day. Right, for the day. Yeah. Okay. But I see what you're saying. You need to get your money's worth, especially if you're going to buy a flash one. Or you buy it late in the piece. You do risk buying it late in the piece. You risk getting a manky one. Yeah. You know, like the crooked one, the reject, the one that no one else wanted. But sometimes there's something pleasing about that.

Yeah, my dad would always get those ones. I don't know if he felt sorry for them, but always bend over because the roof was too small. Yeah, my dad would always get those ones. I don't know if he felt sorry for them, but always bend over because the roof was too small. My granddad would just famously cut a tree off a pine. A branch off a pine. So they always leaned,

but he'd try to cut them so they sat straight. Didn't cost you a bloody penny. So the top six things, the top six today, the top six things you want to look for in the perfect Christmas tree.

I pick a pretty good Christmas tree. Number six. How will my cat look climbing this thing and destroying it? Yeah. You want to really think, what's little Tittle's going to look like when you come in, when you hear some commotion, the jangling of baubles, and you walk in to find the cat halfway up the tree with that like,

you know, cats always get really wide-eyed when they're doing something nuts. Yeah. Like, they're always just like, like a little bit methed out. They're like, I'm going to pull this thing to pieces from the inside out. Number five on the list of the top six things you want to look for in the perfect Christmas tree. How will my manky Christmas decorations look all over this thing? If you're a...

Don't bring me into that. Not Megan. You know, she's... I can't wait till Lawrence, Megan's yet-to-be-born imaginary child, comes home from kindergarten

with a baked clay decoration. Yeah. And he's like... Lawrence would only make the best. Mum's got to go to the trap. No, I've told you I'm going to do a separate little tree in, like,

the garage. And be like, put it on there, Lawrence. Put it on the other ends. Sweetheart, it's a great job, but mummy doesn't want to see it every day. And when Lorenz grows up, he's in therapy. So where do you think it started? Well, mum was ashamed of me. Had all my creations in the garage.

I can't wait till he gets paint on his Gucci loafers at Kindy. Oh my God. Temporarily lifting of the smacking bill. Number four on the list of the top six things you want to look for in the perfect Christmas tree. Now, is this tree good enough to warrant the puffy eyes, runny nose and raspy breathing? Hashtag hay feeder.

Yeah. It needs to be pretty good. Pretty good to get past that. Pretty good. Can you just pop a Clarit Pretty good to get past that. Pretty good. Can you just pop a Claritine? Every day. Every day for Christmas. You know how this year they invented that thing you can give to the cat

to stop you being allergic to the cat? Yeah. Maybe they need to invent an injection for a... That's mean though. I'm allergic to you, so you take this. Surely they've... Well, you've pretty much described the contraceptive pill, Megan. I don't want to get you pregnant, so start taking pills.

Side effects? You bet, you champ. Number three on the list of the top six things you want to look for in the perfect Christmas tree. Am I going to be able to crawl under this thing to pour water into the tree holder every goddamn day between now and December 25th when I stop watering it and it goes brown very quickly? Number two on the list of the top six things you want to look for in the perfect Christmas tree. Am I going to be able to look at this thing

while it's lying down, dying on the back porch for a few months after Christmas before I somehow end up getting rid of its dead, dry, rotting carcass? Every time. Yeah. I'll tell you what, strip those pine needles off, chuck them in a sack,

put them around the strawberries next year. Really? Oh, you're absolutely welcome for that little tip. And number one on the list of the top six things you want to look for in the perfect Christmas tree. How am I getting this thing home? That's always our thing. We go ambitious, we go big, we go full.

And then we're like, oh, how do we get this home? Sorry, kids, you're going to have to walk. The Christmas tree needs to go across the back seat. That is today's top six. McDonald's have released the new McVeggie burger. There's an issue already. Who had one the other day here? None of us, eh?

Was it Georgia? I saw Georgia eating one. Georgia had one. So the McVeggie patty is made from cheese, potato, peas, corn, carrot and onion. Oh, no, because it's veggie, not vegan. But in the small print, so it's called McVeggie, but in the small print it says not 100% vegetarian due to our preparation procedures. And that has vegetarians angry.

Yeah, like, why bother? Yeah. But then someone like me, I could, I mean, I wouldn't, because I'm at McDonald's, I'd probably go quarter pounder. You'd go with the intention, but you'd just go. I could eat that because I wouldn't care, because I do eat meat also, so it wouldn't bother me if it was on a grill.

So it's cooked in the same oil as chicken. Yeah. So they're frying the patty in the same oil as chicken. Yeah. So they're frying the patty in the same oil as... So if you've had one and thought, man, that's delicious, I wonder why.

Chicken. Yeah. But they have said that they haven't made any vegetarian claims with this product. It's kind of just more for flexitarians.

I don't know. The name McVeggie seems like a claim. Which is just otherwise. That feels very claimy. Well, I've never claimed to be a smith. Draw your own conclusions from my surname, but I've never claimed to be one.

Yeah, if you're saying it's only got vegetables in it, that means it's vegetarian. Yes, I would have thought so. Yeah, but yeah, I don't think many vegetarians would be too happy knowing that it's just boiled in chicken juice. Yum. I'm happy for you. But then a lot of people would be flex happy knowing that it's just boiled in chicken juice. Yum. I'm happy for you. But then a lot of people would be flexitarians, so that works.

Yeah, see, like, I eat chicken, but I'd totally be down for a veggie burger. Like, the veggie patty at Subway. Although then I found out that's, like, got lots of calories as well. So I was like, no thank you. Give me the flesh of a dead animal. You were alright, but yeah,

it's still like. You can't win. Like this patty's still deep fried, so you know. Because it's all couscous. Couscous. Am I saying that right? It's all couscous.

Isn't it? And quinoa. Oh, quinoa and couscous. Anything else? What's the other one? Akay berries. Aki, archi berries's the other one? Akay berries. Aki berries.

Aki berries. Aki berries. Yeah. Aki berries. It's so hard being healthy. Not only do you have to be healthy, you have to say the words right. Chips. That's an easy word to say.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. We've got new neighbours across the road. Okay. I was like, do I take something over? Is that too weird? I was like... That would be weird now.

I took some lemon curd over to the people that used to live in that house. Lemon curd? Yeah, she gave me lemons from her lemon tree and then free access any time. Oh, okay. So I took over some lemon curd. I felt real neighbourly. But now there's like new people there and I'm like, do I have to introduce myself?

Like, what's the right thing to do? You were there first,'m like do I have to introduce myself like what's the right thing to do you were there first so you do okay well I've yet to actually officially do that but

we did have somewhat of an experience with the neighbours the other evening she has a cat

the family has a cat and you know when you move into a new place, the cat sees, you put butter on their paws or something, so they spend time licking their paws. Yeah, you don't need the amount,

you put the butter on their paws. But why do you put the butter on their paws? So they lick it off and... They spend a lot of time licking it. It's greasy, they don't like it, so they're like, clean. But what's the point of that?

Then they're like, well, they don't go outside because they're too busy licking themselves. But then once they're done licking themselves, they're still like, this is a new house. So they don't know that, well're too busy licking themselves. But then once they're done licking themselves they're still like this is a new house. So they don't know where they it distracts them from the fact

they're in a new surroundings. It feels like this is something that's been told that we do but we don't know why and does it actually do anything? Yeah.

Does it work? So I don't know if they did that and it didn't work or what but their cat had gone walkabouts clearly. Because our neighbour was walking around our little neighbourhood calling the cat's name. Okay.

It was incessant, and the cat's name, and I know when... No, wait, why don't you just, instead of telling us the name, why don't you stand back and you walk around and call the cat? Okay, yeah, I'll do that. Okay. This is my neighbour the other evening. Okay, yep. Pussy!

Pussy! Pussy! On his face. Pussy! But that's just what some people call my nana until the day she died would call cats like that. Puss, puss. Puss, puss. Puss, puss. Puss, puss. Puss, puss is what it is now, but back in the day she died, would call cats like that. Puss, puss. Puss, puss.

Puss, puss. Puss, puss is what it is now, but back in the day it was always pussy. It's like a sound effect, though. a generic name for a cat, like your partner's babe or whatever. They're not yelling out the one word which must be the cat's name. Pussy, over and over again and over again. A lot of people do just settle on a simple cat's name, don't they? Like if your cat's black, you're like blackie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or fluffy.

If it's a fluffy one. Or if it's a tiger cat. Tiger if it's got stripes. Yeah, that kind of thing. And so they might have got the cat and they were just like, pussy. And they're like, oh, well, that's what it's got stripes. Yeah, that kind of thing. And so they might have got the cat and they were just like, pussy. And they're like, oh, well, that's what it's called now. Yeah. But yeah, you're right.

Maybe good first impressions. A quick Google has told me that the reason we call cats pussy cats or puss as it originally was is because of the Dutch word. Puss means cat. Oh, really? Puss. And there's similar words in German. Oh, really? Pos. And there's similar words in German, Danish, Swedish, Irish.

Oh, okay. So it was just people probably heard people from other countries calling pos, pos, pos, pos, meaning cat, cat, cat, cat. Right. Oh, so they were literally going outside yelling out cat, cat, cat, cat. Like us going kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, Kitty, kitty. Puss, puss, puss, puss. I'd like to imagine now people's cats are like. We need to. Oh, hold on. You go outside, yeah, and shake the.

Shake the biscuits. Oh, can you pass me your plastic? Is that wet? You're not putting coffee in there. I just wanted to put some shake in there. Is this wet or dry? It's dry. Welcome to crime. Dawn's now or dry? It's dry. Welcome to crime.

Dawn's now pouring coffee into my breakfast container. The granules are not big enough. I'm just trying to work with what I've got. That doesn't sound too bad. That does sound bad. Wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss. James has got some muesli. James is bringing in his

breakfast container. Oh, this is real commitment to bowling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go. Here we go. Whizz, whizz, whizz. Whizz, whizz, whizz, whizz, whizz, whizz. Yeah. Do you always eat

cat biscuits for breakfast, James? Wee Bix Bites. Wee Bix Bites. They're Wee Bix Bites. Oh, yeah, okay. You know, they're smaller, but sanitariums still don't pay corporate tax.

You, James, you mix up your breakfast so much. Like, one day you're rice bubbles, the next day you're wet bits. See, it's because I don't like breakfast, so I can never settle on anything. I have something, I'm like, no, this is actually terrible. And then I'll have something else, I'm like, this is pretty bad as well. He's working his way through the whole cereal. Or maybe cereal's not for you. I can't make my mind up.

Have you tried toast? Yeah, but a lot of admin at work Right, yeah A lot of admin Yeah, tree, you've got to have time on your hands, don't you? Oh, yeah But given that she was yelling Okay, so I remember when my parents inherited my brother's cat

Oh, God Because he'd got a cat And then I guess he had to move flats and couldn't keep it Oh, what did your brother call it? He gave it to mum and dad. He'd called it dilly gaff. Dilly gaff. Like, does it look like I give a...

That's what he called a cat. My brother called his cat sphincter because it came out butt first and they... It only had half a tail. I don't know which way the cat came out. Was he in there in his berth? It only had half a tail because they had to give it a wee pull by the tail. Oh, and it dislocated it and it has to be amputated. But they started calling it Sphinx-y because it was a bit nicer.

Because that's a Sphinx. Right, okay. And actually calling that out in a park. Well, you don't think about that when you name your cat, do you? No. That you're going to have to... Or your dog, yeah. Yeah.

Have they ever had to rename a cat? Would you petition the neighbours when you take them over some lemon curd to maybe a name change? Just if you're going to be calling that out at all hours. Could we take some calls? Has anyone ever had to rename a pet? Right.

Yeah, you will have. Because, you know, when you adopt them sometimes, like from animal shelters, they've already got names, but you're like, no, you're not a Craig. Do you know what Leo's name was? Him and his brother were Batman and he was Robin. And I was like, you're not a Robin. He's Leo.

No, he's not a superhero at all. He wouldn't stand a chance against a dog joker. He'd already been named, though. Yeah, his name was Robin. But that's so weird now. So I just renamed him. Right. If you say it enough, they get used to it.

Okay, well, let's take some calls. I'd love to know if anybody has had to rename their pet and why. Maybe it wasn't coming to the name you had for it. Yeah. Or it was embarrassing and you realise that when you go to the vet, you have to tell them what your cat's name is. Yeah. No, you don't think about that.

You don't, do you? All right, well, I'll wait. So just quickly on the butter on the paws, somebody says the butter on the paws helps the cat find their way home because of the scent. They lick their paws a lot and then they walk around the house

and their scent gets distributed around the house. I'm not having buttery marks all over my tiles. It's not buttery. It's just the scent. Right. The fresh scent. All right, well, 0800-DONES-AT-HEM-9696. When did you have to change your pet's name?

We would like to know when you had to change your pet's name. My neighbours have called their cat Pussy and like to yell around the neighbourhood because it's gone missing. They've just moved in. Yeah. You need to think about all the things you need to do with your pet when you name them. Like, yeah, yell out its name and also tell the vet its name.

Yeah. Yeah. A lot of people have had to do a name change on a pet. We rescued a rabbit and his original name was Mr. Snugglepuff. Oh my god, that's so cute. Why would you change that? So we changed it

to Peter. Peter Rabbit. There'd be so many rabbits called Peter. I think Mr. Snugglepuff was a slightly rarer breed. Jenna, are you here to change a pet's name? Yeah, so we got a kitten, and the three of us, we couldn't decide what to call it. But anyway, so it kind of just had all these different names,

but we ended up calling it Skank, because she used to sit in the driveway and call the male cat, so she was just known as Skank. Right. Wow, okay. And then we went to the vet, and they were like, so what's your cat's name? And we're like, oh, it took us a while.

But anyway, we called her Ollie. What? So you were making up a name at the vet's office, so you don't have to say Skank. Yeah, yeah. You were at the vet's office. And then we had to take, yeah, so we called her Skank, and then when we took her back, we're like,

what's her name again? Oh, no. Yeah, wow. You had to bring up the vet. You've got to act out like you're testing your vet now. If you're a great vet, you'll remember this. Hey, thanks. You called Jenna.

Charlotte, what did you have to change your cat's name to? I changed it to Monk from Gabby because I took it to the vet to get spayed and I found out Gabby was not a girl. Wow. spayed and i found out gabby was not a girl wow so many people are messaging in about adopt like acquiring animals adopting them or rescuing them and then it turns out yeah they're not the not the gender they thought they were well that's what i had when i took karen to the vet and they were like you know this is a male and i was like i do and karen is a great name for a male cat. Non-binary. Non-binary, exactly. Thanks for your call, Charlotte.

Carissa, what did you change your cat's name to? Oh, I took my flatmate to the SPCA and found this cat, and it's named Maddie. And my flatmate said, we can't call her Maddie. I said, what do you want to call her? She said, Nicki Minaj. Why Nicki Minaj? She said, Nicki Minaj. Why? Why Nicki Minaj?

She's got a big butt. I said, you can't call a cat Nicki Minaj. So we compromised and it was Maddie Minaj. Maddie Minaj. That is so brilliant. It's just called Minaj now. So she goes around the neighbourhood calling Minaj, Minaj, Minaj. You've got to have a two-syllable cat name for calling.

Yeah, you don't, Jo, yeah. And then we took her to the vet, and the vet's like, oh, what's her name? I was like, oh, Maddie. And she said, all right. And then my flatmate went to pick her up. Oh, Minaj. My cat's called Minaj.

Oh, we don't have a Minaj here. Oh, no, no. She said, no, my cat's called Minaj. No. So she rung me, where's the cat? Oh, no, no. She said, no, my cat's called menage. No. So she rung me, where's the cat? Oh, no, it's at the vet. Her name's Maddie, for God's sake. You just couldn't bring yourself to say, yeah.

Thanks for your call, Chris. Some text messages. My cat was called Xena Warrior Princess, but then she fell off our deck. So we renamed her Murray. I don't get why a deck fall made a renaming That would never happen to Xena Xena would do a dive roll and be like

It's such a Murray thing to do to fall off a deck You cannot be called Xena When we got a puppy we all had to put names in the hat I put in Chocolo 7 What? Chocolo 7 Okay It got Chocolo, Chocolo 7. Okay. It got pulled out, so I was like, yay, I win. The dog's gonna be

called Chocolo 7. Parents said, no, don't be so stupid, and decided to just call it Bear, which is what mum put in the hat. Mum, absolutely steamrolling. That's not democracy, mother. Yeah, but also, don't your, like, kids name your pet. Yeah, that's a silly idea from the get-go.

Yeah. Yeah. So I'm imagining it would have been quite young. No. No. What does that even mean? I don't know. Maybe a video kind of nerd thing.

I thought you'd know, Vaughn. But okay, maybe not. I can do a Google and find out. Okay. We adopted a cat that we called No Name. Because when we got it, we said, what's their name? And they we called No Name Because when we got it We said what's their name And they said No Name

And we're like Okay well then We'll call it No Name But then it was like Funny at the time But then we called it No Name And then every time We went to the vet

Or it went missing Walking around going No Name No Name You look nuts don't you Yeah You do Alright

You need to sit down Fleshborn and Megan's Spark Surprise Box So how many days did you say it was away from Christmas Nine Eighteen

Eighteen and a few hours Yeah We're giving you the chance to bring somebody home for Christmas that maybe wouldn't be there because they're living overseas So we've still got another chance for you to do this next week somebody home for Christmas that maybe wouldn't be there because they live in overseas.

So we've still got another chance for you to do this next week. You can register at ZM Online. Thanks to Spark. But right now, this is pretty exciting. We have a mum who has no idea that outside her house

in a giant surprise box is her daughter who's coming home from the Goldie for Christmas. her house in a giant surprise box is her daughter, who's coming home from the Goldie for Christmas. Now, we've got Petra on the phone. Petra, good morning. Good morning. Now, you have organised all of this for us,

and describe the situation outside the house. All right, so we've got the spark Christmas box on the front lawn. Renee is inside there, ready to come out. We've just got Amy, her other daughter, in the house distracting the parents, and then we're going to give them the key, and they're going to come out, and it's going to be amazing. Right, right. So Renee's the daughter that's coming home.

Now, have you wrapped Renee in the box? Yeah, so it's like a big wooden box, and Renee, I don't think she's claustrophobic, is locked in there. Have we got an air hole for her? Do we have to do this quickly because we don't want her to die? Yeah, we might have to do it fairly quickly. It's a cardboard box, it's not a fridge from the 70s. She's gonna be able to breathe. Alright, so I tell you what, Petra, do you want to go knock on the door? Alright. want to go knock on the door all right let's get drew this is judy so amy is in there with her mum

judy and let's um knock on the door and then give us the phone to judy and we'll tell her what's happening all right i'm going do they not have a doorbell okay i'm just waiting i know i mean it's like a tanny i probably don't well that's a regional slam. That's a regional burn on the eastern Bay of Plenty. I think I hear footsteps. Oh, the blinds are opening. Weird time of the day to have a knock on the door, isn't it? Yes, it's like someone's had your cat.

Oh, okay. So the neighbour came out instead of Judy. Well, don't tell the neighbour to bugger off. We're not giving them a surprise. They'll think it's for them. Oh, they're coming out now. Okay. Well, don't tell the neighbor to bugger off. We're not giving them a surprise. They'll think it's for them. Oh, they're coming out now. Okay. Okay.

All right. Who's outside? Okay, what's happening, Petra? Okay. Where's Judy? They're leading Judy out to the box. Okay, let's have a... Coming down the driveway.

Let's have a talk to Judy. Pass the phone to Judy. Pass the phone to Judy Pass the phone to Judy Oh, far out What a pet Judy, good morning Hi, Judy Hi, Judy

It's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan from ZDM How are you? Hi, I'm shocked. Do you, do you, tell us what you see in front of you on your front lawn. It's a massive, massive big green box that looks like a big present with a huge bow on the front, on top of it.

Okay, now what do you think could be in such a big box? I don't know. Is there anything you really wanted for Christmas, Judy? Yeah, but that wouldn't happen. No, go on, Judy. Am I? What is it?

Tell us. Oh, no, no, no. Is it dirty, Judy? Is it rude? No, go on, Judy. Am I? What is it? Tell us. Oh, no. No, no. Is it dirty, Judy? Is it rude? No. Put it out into the universe, Judy. You never know. Tell us, Judy.

Tell us. Oh, no. I just thought, um... No, I don't know what's in the box. I think... You could probably wager it. Yeah. Is there anyone that you want to be home for Christmas?

Yeah. Who? Who would you want to be there for Christmas? I was hoping that my daughter might come home. Well, Judy, let's see if she's in the box. I... Open the box, Judy. What? Oh my. Okay, let's open the box. I think there are some tears. I think there are some tears.

It's a bit hard to hear. I hope that's the daughter you wanted to come home for Christmas, Judy. I hope there's not another daughter there. I hope we've got the right one. Oh, dear God. How are you feeling, Judy? I'm ruining my makeup for a start. So, in the box,

Renee will be home for Christmas from the Gold Coast. Congratulations. Oh, my gosh. Is that you? Did you run out? Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I can't believe it.

I was talking to her two days ago and she said, oh, she's got a new job, doing some other jobs, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I thought, oh, that doesn't happen. She won't be home for Christmas while she is, Judy. Oh, that's so cool. Thank you so much. Oh, you're so welcome, Judy.

Merry Christmas. Oh, I can't believe it. Thank you so much. You don't know what it means Merry Christmas. I can't believe it. Thank you so much. You don't know what it's meant, actually. I think we can tell. That's so nice. Yeah, and this is just fantastic. I wish I could see that on there.

Nice. You're allowed one. You're allowed one, Judy. You are. Hey, congratulations, Judy. So we've got Renee, Amy and Judy together for Christmas and it's all thanks to Spark, the Spark surprise box. You can wrap up any mobile this Christmas

with a Spark prepaid gift box. And if you are like, Judy would like your family to be together, maybe there's someone we can bring home next Friday. My mum's never reacted like that when I go home. No, no, no. I'd be like, we haven't got the bed made up.

That's what my mum would say. Everything's always linen based with my mother. It is, it is. Oh, you know, I've had a massive clean-up because I've had a year from hell, and I just thought, that's it. I'm doing all the gardens, all the house, everything. And today was the day I had finished it last night at midnight,

and I thought, that's it. I've got the day off today. Oh, that is the most perfect timing, Judy. So I've got my little grandson here, Kian, as well. Yeah, and Amy and Renee, so that's the best comfort ever. Merry Christmas, Judy,

and register at ZM Online if you would like to have us bring someone home, surprise you next Friday, all thanks to Spark. Fletch Vaughan and Megan podcast. Who left that email ding on? Was that you? Aren't you?

I'm recording. The Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to Spark. Wrap up any mobile this Christmas with a Spark prepaid gift box. You can turn your dinger on now, aren't you? Producer Caitlin leaving us in a week to become a nurse. You're going to be studying in Christchurch next year. It still feels like really weird when you say that, to become a nurse.

I know, I still have to like do the study. Do the study, yeah. You've got two years of study ahead of you. One week today, last show. I know. And so we've decided to replay some of our favourite Caitlin moments because it's also less work for us as well, which we're also all about in the –

it doesn't matter what job you do in December. What month is it? December. And what day of the week is it? Friday. Wow. I mean, that's the perfect storm of not wanting to do anything. That's what I was going to say.

It doesn't matter what job you're in, everyone's in the holiday departure lounge, aren't they? Yeah. Are they? No. I don't think some jobs allow you to be medical professionals. Oh, yeah. What if you're doing open-heart surgery and you're like,

I'm in the departure lounge. I just won't unblock this artery. Good Lord. I don't think you can afford that attitude. I'm halfway there. This is true. Well, we had planned. We're going to go back to 2018.

Now, we had planned to talk about something else on the show, but then Vaughn put Caitlin in it. We were going to talk about the shortage of bread right now. There could be a shortage. There could be a shortage of bread. Yeah, because of strikes and stuff. Yeah, but we thought we might talk about something else instead. Hi, Caitlin.

You told her you wouldn't say anything. I didn't promise that at all. Well, she asked you not to say anything. Vaughan. Yes? This is not me. Are we talking about one of... Your infringement, yes. He was over my shoulder because he's nosy.

Yes, I am. And you have received a speeding ticket. Again? Again. Another infringement. Oh my god, my mum. I'm have received a speeding ticket. Again? Again, another infringement. Oh, my God, my mum. I'm going to die. Are there demerit points associated? No, not with speed cameras.

But if you get pulled over, they demerit you. Because they can't pin who was driving the car, right? But, okay, I think I'm going to fight this. Why? Why I didn't see a speeding camera. Also, though, I specifically remember this day. I don't remember what I was doing on this day, but I remember it was three days before I went to Kenya.

I was in a rush. I have actual evidence of why I was speeding. You can't just say you're in a rush, though. I can't. And, Your Honour, I was in a rush because I was going to go to Kenya. I'll leave that with you. I think the only evidence you can ever supply for I was speeding was, here's a picture of my ambulance.

Like, I'm an ambulance. Or I'm a policeman. Here's the bleeding person and the bloodstains in the back of my car. I was hurrying to get them somewhere. Please, Caitlin, we'll be the court and the judge. What is your excuse? All right, first case of the day, 2nd of February 2018, defendant Caitlin Jane Mowat. Hello, Caitlin Jane Mowat

First of all, I think you got the postal code wrong No, it got to you It's not a wrong postal code Carry on Secondly That is I need to check my driver's licence Because that might be wrong

It's not wrong That's not fair You should have your driver's licence on there Because it's the car registered to you But it's not your driver's licence It's a speed camera isn't it? You weren't pulled over Okay

Your honour Yes I did not see the speeding camera That's not a That's ignorance That's not a Ignorance isn't a defence I do not know how she calls it a speeding camera

I didn't see it I shouldn't have to play Wait wait wait I'm getting into it You're getting into it Yeah I mean this is really feeling like Just after the second ad break on Suits or something. You're on it.

I just... Oh, not here, mate. I'm gay. Crying women have no effect on me. It's not even a defence. This is so unfair. I'll tell you what's unfair. Years of prejudice.

Get out and pay your ticket. But what was your excuse for speeding? Well, I was really busy. It was a Tuesday. It was 1pm. I was probably trying to get home for lunch. I would have been kept here for long enough and I was hungry. Oh, so it's our fault now.

Yes. Oh, is it? Actually, yes, Your Honour. I think hunger is your strongest defence. I was so hungry. You know what it's like. You've been hungry. You've never been so hungry you start making rash decisions?

It was my blood sugars. Can you please write a letter saying I was hungry? I'm so sorry. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Yesterday, I got an ouchies injection at the doctor. Oh. Was I surprised?

Were you going there specifically to get an injection? Well, no, so I went. Now, are you still going to the doctor in the van? No, not that one anymore. I go to an actual proper doctor. Yeah, because I had questions. In a building. Okay, good.

Yeah. No, so I went the other day and I'm, because I'm going away, so I got some stuff and just a regular checkup, as you do, and I get an email and it's like, you need to book an appointment with the nurse to get an injection. Because when I was at the doctors, he was like, have you had your measles? Your MMR? Yeah, your MMR. And I was like, well, do you remember that time we all read out our

planker books? Because we asked our mums to dig in and find them. Yeah. And I remember seeing you guys saw it. And I was like, what did they call it? Mimimimum. Mimimum. Measles Mumps Rubella.

Yeah. You could see it, like, written in there. So I was like, well, I've got, I'm vaccinated against measles. And the doctor's like, well, we'll just do a test anyway because I was going to get, like, tests anyway. So it's just good with travelling a lot. If, you know, things go a bit crazy, countries might want to know if you're visiting, are you

vaccinated? Because you could be a carrier, you could be bringing it in. Well, especially coming from New Zealand, we're one of the countries that and Samoa at the moment, it's tragic what's happening there. It's awful. Especially because you were reading those stats about if this was another country, the percentage

of population. And that was a while was another country, the percentage of population. And that was a while back. Yeah, like a week ago. Well, that was the start of last week. So that would be the equivalent of over 900 Kiwis dying of measles. And if it was in America, it would be in the tens of thousands. I think it was 79,000 Americans dying of measles. Like as a portion of their population that's died.

Like it's crazy. It's awful. So I was like, well it's good to know that you're vaccinated because then when you're travelling you can say anyway, it turns out that my test I'm not immune to measles.

And so I had to go in and get the injection. I was like but what? I had the thing when I was a kid. Yeah. And talking to another couple of friends, people apparently saying it's maybe it's not the best test and it can I was a kid. Yeah. And talking to another couple of friends, people apparently are saying maybe it's not the best test. And it can show. But still,

that's pretty scary, right? Yeah. So I just got a booster yesterday. And it will hurt. An equivocal antibody level. I sent Vaughn the email, the results. Because of the big word.

He knows I like a big word. I know, because I was like, what? Yeah, so you had to get. That worries me because like,

technically we had the same jab, but does that mean I'm not immune? Well, I don't, because I talked to another friend and he said the same thing happened with him.

Right. But at the time, it was when there was heaps of outbreak and they just, and they couldn't give him a booster because it was going

to small children. He was like, that's fine. Yeah. But apparently the doctor said that they're not the best test and that they can, even if you've been immunised, it might not show up. Right. I'd rather be safe than sorry. Yeah, be safe and get a booster.

But I was just like, whoa. Especially after I was like laying into anti-vaxxers all year. And you were one. You were. Like an accidental, no, of course not. You had been fully vaccinated. So obviously I messaged mum last night and I said, what's happening?

Like, did you actually get a vaccine? Is that the nurse's handwriting? Or did you just write that in? Were you meant to get two or one? Two. I think two, yeah. Like ten years apart. Oh, that's what mum said. She's like, maybe you didn't get your second one. And I was like, this is terrible parenting. She just messaged back saying, prove it. I. Oh, that's what mum said. She's like, maybe you didn't get your second one. And I was like, this is terrible parenting. She just messaged back saying, prove it.

I was like, that is so rude. And then she was like, maybe your brother might need to get this booster. And I was like, oh, well, it costs me. What does it cost? The test isn't covered by our health system. Okay. Well, it wasn't for me. So it was like $48 to get the measles test.

Right. And then the booster was like, I don't know, $20 or something. I tell you what, get measles, I'm pretty sure you'd pay more than $68

to ensure that you don't. But yeah, mum said that he probably wouldn't go because he'd have to pay. And then I said, well, you should give him that for Christmas

seeing as you poorly parented us. And she didn't reply to that. But it was a joke. It would be my dream because you're going to have a family Christmas tomorrow.

Yeah, today. You're flying down today? Yeah, flying down today. Oh my God. If you land and your mum takes you and your brother to the doctor

to get your boosters, that would make with Andrews that very Christmas I'm getting you your booster. Yeah. Well, I've had mine

but we can take my brother and you two can fight in the waiting room. Over who gets the lollipop. Yeah. Although I did get a lollipop yesterday. Was it a good one room? Over who gets the lollipop. Yeah. Although I did get a lollipop yesterday. Was it a good one? It looked like a good lollipop.

Yeah, no, it was a chuppa-chup lollipop. Okay. Oh my God. They're not bulk buying in a big bag with a clear wrapper? I don't know, but she gave me one and I was like, thank you. It's been ages. They should give adults the lollipops. That's not how you do it.

You didn't say thank you. You were like. Thank you. Friday Flashback. But first, it's a Friday tradition, Friday Flashback. We take turns each week picking a song that has to be at least 10 years old and a banger. Hello, good morning, New Zealand. It's my turn.

Second to last of the year. And this one is topical this week. Okay. We've announced that there is an awesome show coming to New Zealand, Auckland and Christchurch, So Pop. So the Saturday the 2nd of May in Auckland and Sunday the 3rd of May in Christchurch. That's right. And general tickets on sale next week.

Yes. If you didn't get pre-sale. It felt fitting that I needed to pick a song from the lineup from So Pop. Yep. This song, first of all, I can't believe we've overlooked it because it was released in 2005, so it has been eligible for Friday Flashback for a few years now.

This was massive. It was number one all over the world. It was number one for ages in New Zealand. Ages is an official measurement of time. And it does feature Busta Rhymes. You got Anna Gass's on the song.

Puskado. It was an absolute anthem and I definitely wanted one of the hoodies that had the writing around the edges. When they, like there were rumours at the end of last week and then they performed over the weekend, they've still got it.

Like this is going to be a great show. They're so good live. I don't know how they managed to dance like that and then Nicole Scherzinger absolutely kills it with the singing at the same time. And if you want a real hoot, Google why in their reunion line-up, Melody Thornton isn't involved.

There's a video. Find the video of when she just went rogue on stage. She went off script. She went off piece. She went rogue and sung the part that Nicole Scherzing was supposed to sing.

And the look that Nicole Scherzing gives her, that's the look like you're not ever going to be in this band again look. And she's not there now.

And no, she's not. No. So your Friday flashback today from the Pussycat Dolls is Docha. On CD them. Ladies, let's go. Soldiers, let's go.

Let me talk to y'all and just, you know, give you a little situation. Listen. You see the... I mean. Let's dance. Every time I come through when I step up in the spot Make the place sizzle like a summertime cookout Proud for the best chick, yes I'm on a lookout So bangin' shorty like a belly dancer with it Smell good, pretty skin, so gangster with it No chicks, only diamonds under my sleeve Give me the number, but make sure you call up before you leave

I know you like me I know you like me I know you do I know you do That's why whenever I come around She's all over you And I know you want it It's easy to see

And in the back of your mind, I know you should be home with me Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Don't you? Don't you? Don't you wish your girlfriend was raw like me? Don't you wish your girlfriend was wrong like me? Don't you wish your girlfriend was fun like me? Don't you?

Don't you? Fight the feeling Leave it alone Cause if it ain't love It just ain't enough to leave a happy home Let's keep it friendly You have to play fair See I don't care, but I know she ain't gon' want a shit Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me

Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me Don't you Don't you, baby Don't you Alright, same Don't you wish your girlfriend was raw like me All right. Straight through it, A-Broad won't watch it. When I come through it, it's the God Almighty looking all brand new. And shorty want to jump in my Aston Van Jewish. Looking at me all like you really want to do it. Try to put it on me till I'm black and bluish.

You want to play with the player girl and play on. Trip out the Chanel and leave the lingerie on. Watch me and I'm going to watch you at the same time. Looking like you won't break my back. You're the very reason why I keep a pack of the Magnum. And with the wagon hit you in the back of the Magnum. But the record don't think it was something you did. Shorty, you're on me cause it's hard to resist the kid

I got an idea that's dope for y'all as y'all can get close So I can hit the boat for y'all, don't worry about a thing Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Don't you? Don't you, baby? Don't you? Alright, sing Don't you wish your Don't you Alright, sing

Don't you wish your girlfriend was wrong like me Don't you wish your girlfriend was Pussycat Dolls, Busta Rhymes, it's Megan's Friday Flashback. They'll be at Soap Hop next year. Crush It and Auckland, an incredible line-up, along with Jessie McCartney, Smash Mouth, more. Go to ZM online for all the details. They certainly have the full line-up in front of me.

What do you? No, I just did Thumbs Up. You did well. Oh, yeah the details. It's starting to have the full line up in front of me. What do you? No, I just did thumbs up. You did well. Oh, yeah. Great. Excellent. Top of your dime. Feedback there for Megan Vaughan?

Someone, banger. Someone said bang, bang, lucky Luke. So they're real retro callback there, but also indicating it's a banger. And wow, flashback to earlier this week when you guys played this after the soap op announcement. Good one, Megan. God, you're lazy. Thanks, producers. I'm going to let producer Caitlin have my, because it's my Friday flashback last week, the last one for the year.

I'm going to let Caitlin have it. And it's not allowed to be a Christmas song. That's my only rule for you. Oh, okay. Because I don't like Christmas songs. We always do a Christmas song for the last, yeah, the last one of the year. No, that's tradition.

It has to be Christmas. And why are you giving it to me then, but then giving me rules? That's not cool. Yeah, man. Just give it to her. Shaka. Okay, do what you want.

Freedom, man. A study's been done, and it has found that the most breakups, relationship breakups, happen in December. Did you know that? Oh really? Worldwide? Worldwide. So they asked a few thousand people and most of their relationship breakups have been in the month of December

and it was quite a lot. It was 27%. Have experienced a relationship breakup? Yeah. Didn't you? I got dumped on Christmas. See, do you remember that? You got dumped on Christmas. So there you go. 27% now they looked at the best time and they're never,

that's the thing, they're never really, there's never a good time to break someone's heart and be that person. But today is the last day that people in the study

found to be acceptable this close to Christmas. The 6th of December. The 6th of December. The 6th of December. Friday. And then other than... But it's still ages away from Christmas.

I'd say the 10th. People are getting on the... You know, they're getting ready. They've got work functions. They've maybe got to travel home. There's a lot going on. It's very stressful this time of year.

Oh, it's a busy time of year. So today... You've got to squeeze a breakup in. Today is the last day it's acceptable, according to the study to break up with someone in December

before Christmas and I'd say the New Year period. Do they have like an actual like a breakdown of how long

it takes you to get over because then maybe you're over it by the time it gets to Christmas? Is that the deal? I feel it would be more likely

in New Zealand the breakup thing, because you've got summer coming. You've got all the New Year's festies, all the New Year's parties. Whereas overseas it's... In America and stuff, it's winter. You want someone to cuddle up with. Exactly.

Less breakups happen. So I wonder if it would be different. But then this study was done in Northern Hemisphere. So where it is snowy and cold. Right. That's weird. But it might not be a weather situation. It might be more of a mood.

A mood thing, yeah. More of a mood. But I was wondering this morning because it's never a good time to break up with someone. You know, there's always a birthday coming up or something. Why? Why did you laugh? No, nothing. No, it's, no.

Remember I had to break up with someone? On their birthday? Right after, I waited three days after their birthday. You did, yes. That's right. And Warren and I had to break up with someone? On their birthday? Right after... I waited three days after their birthday. You did. Yes, that's right. And Vaughan and I had to sit at that birthday lunch, didn't we? And we knew it was over.

Lucky that it was Mexican because I could drown my... I could drown the awkwardness in hot sauce and avocado. That's right. I'd forgotten about that. But could we... Still gave them a present. A real good present. You did.

Could we take some calls though? Have you had a breakup at the worst possible moment? Or did you do it at the worst possible moment? Maybe you weren't thinking. Because like a breakup, like you got broken up on Christmas. Just do it the day before or the day after. Christmas Day. Before they buy you a present.

Yeah. That'd be handy. Because did you get a present for that breakup on Christmas? I can't remember what it was. Oh, it was. Oh, it was a lucky, it was an egg and there was a lucky dragon inside. The idea was you broke it open and the dragon has a coloured coin in its mouth. Yeah.

And gold is the best luck, obviously. Silver and bronze. Yeah. But the coin had actually fallen out of the dragon's mouth. I should have seen that coming. It's a sign, yeah. Did it say better luck next time? Yeah, a little note inside. Okay, well, let's take some calls.

0800 DARS at M 9696. Have you broken up with someone at the worst possible time ever? Or have you been broken up with when it just wasn't the right time? You'd have a bunch of these stories because you start work so early in the morning. Technically, it's breaking up when you're like,

you've got to go, I've got to go to work, it's breaking up when you're late. You've got to go. I've got to go to work. It's four o'clock. Your oomph is here. The sass. Out. See ya. I don't stay the night.

I'm dealing with that admin at 4.30am. So, according to a study, today is the last day you can break up with someone before Christmas where it is socially acceptable because I'm guessing

it's just getting to that busy time of the year. People don't need the stress because it's already stressful enough. Yeah. Otherwise, you're going to have to wait until the new year or not according to all of the text messages and calls we're getting because we were asking this morning when you've been broken up with or had to break up with someone and it was the worst possible time.

Some text messages. My ex came to my work. I worked at a preschool and broke up with me on lunch break. Very wrong time to do it because then I was crying and all the kids were like, why are you crying?

Why are you crying? What's the matter? But then kids are also, like there would have been night you could have just sat down and they could have all hugged. You're just telling them you stubbed your toe or something

and they're like, yeah, I know that hurts. Yeah, why are you hugging? Some other text messages in. My current boyfriend broke up with his ex on Valentine's Day. Totally oblivious to the fact that it was Valentine's Day. She thought she was being picked out to be taken out, but he was breaking up with her. Now every time it's Valentine's Day, I say to him, is it my turn to get dumped?

Wow, brilliant. Charlotte, you were broken up with the worst possible time? On the way to my grandfather's funeral. What? What? So my dad asked my ex if he could please be a pallbearer. We're all getting dressed. Everything's getting ready.

And my ex turns around to my dad going, yeah, sure, I can be a pallbearer, but I'm breaking up with your daughter, and walked straight out the door. So he actually told my dad before he told me. And your dad was like, well, okay, I just need a big strong man at the front left? Yeah, pretty much. Okay, yeah, right. Wait, was he still a pallbearer? No, he actually just walked straight out, but he agreed to do it and then took off.

Right. Yeah. You don't want to be down a pallbearer. Yeah, but at least if you turned up for the funeral with, you know, your makeup running and your tears in your eye, people would just think it was because of your grandfather. After a five-year relationship with absolutely no warning, it was a little bit of a shock.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Wow, this wasn't like a three-month relationship. What was he thinking? That's terrible. We've never spoken since. I've actually never seen him since. I'm surprised. Yeah.

You haven't run into him ever since at all? Oh, seen him in the supermarket and stuff like that, but he quickly dashes down like another aisle really quickly. So it's like, oh, okay, see ya. You need to go up to customer service and page him just for a laugh. I would. I'd page him. It's just one of those, bye, boy.

Yeah, yeah. You'd be off without him. Oh, wow. Charlotte, thanks for your call. Caitlin, you were broken up with at the worst possible time? Yes. So I moved to the UK for my ex-boyfriend, and he broke up with me a week after getting there.

You moved there, so you had no intention to move there, but he was, so you moved there for him. Yeah, so he moved just a couple of months earlier because his granddad passed away, and it had always been our plan to move over there together. So I followed him a few months later, got my visa, got all my money together, paid for the flight,

got there, just later. And I'm guessing up until this moment, he was all for the idea. Yeah, yeah, definitely. How long had you been together? Five years. Oh, wow.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And it wasn't like, this is obviously something he'd been thinking about because his mum even said to me, oh, he's been, you know, having doubts for about three months now. So before I got my visa.

Wow. Oh, my God. Oh, what a piece of work. And you don't talk to him anymore? No, we talked to him a little bit afterwards and then things got nasty. So definitely not. We haven't spoken in three years. Oh, wow.

Okay. Caitlin, thanks for your call. Wow. Jeez. Few people wow. Okay. Caitlin, thanks for your call. Wow. Jeez. A few people with surgery stories. My ex broke up with me by text message while I was going in for pre-surgery. Oh, yeah? That was a hell of a thing to deal with.

And had sex with his ex an hour later. Oh, wow. Couldn't wait. Couldn't even wait until they were under anesthetic. Somebody else said, this was just before Christmas, but I was going and I had day surgery for a suspicious lump on my breast. And my partner, granted it wasn't like super long term, but he rang to say it wasn't really working for him.

We'd made plans to house sit for friends at the beach over Christmas as well, so I had to go on my own. Oh, that's sad. Somebody got broken up with by their wife of 22 years, two weeks after their dad died. He said to her, great timing on this, and she said, well, I was going to do it earlier, but then your dad died. Oh, my God.

Wow. Yeah, lots of really... Yeah, it's real savage. Real savage. Sad times to break up with people. Because if you were going to break up with someone, you'd think about it. Like, at least you waited till post-birthday three days. Yeah.

I mean, if he could read between the lines of that dinner, it was... The writing was on the wall, but... Stop. Stop. Do you want some guacamole? No, I don't! But you love guacamole. Get someone else to pass me it.

That is not. Don't make me think that's it. We're off. We've got witnesses. Okay. We've got signed affidavits. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day, this is weird.

I saw this because last week my parents came and said that my mum gave me one of her sermons. One of her... What about? Christine's sermons. Well, she hears about something and then she does some light reading and then tells me all about it. Yeah. She's basically me, but an older woman.

She told me, because we were out in the garage, because we're kind of living out in the garage, because of the tiny little small, you wouldn't even notice them, renovations, and the jug and the microwave and the toaster are all plugged into the same multi-box. Oh, yeah. And it's a surge one.

Yeah, yeah, it's got a surge protector. Yeah, yeah. It's got a surge protector. There's a little button pops out if you overload it. A little button pops out and you've got to push it back in. So you can't boil the jug at the same time as you do the microwave. Why not? It doesn't handle it. It pops it. Oh, okay, right.

It pops it. You can only have one of the three going. Yep. Vaughan, run another extension cord out there. No. Yeah. So I said, she turned on the toaster And the jug And it popped off

I said Oh this You can only do one at a time And then she said You know you've got it You can't have those forever Those surge protectors Those multi boxes

They expire No they don't And that's today's fact of the day You do need to replace surge protectors How often? So That's what I said When do I need to replace it?

And she said Well how long have you had that one? And I said a few years. And she said, I'd replace it or you'll burn your house down. Because I reckon my parents have still got some from the 90s. You know those like real tan colored looking ones? Yeah. You throw in white plastic, they go tan.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they certainly get more tan or more yellow over their lifetime. Surge protectors are rated in joules. If you get a 1,000 joule surge protector, that's how many joules it can absorb in its lifetime. So if you get one massive power surge of 1,000 joules, that thing's done its job, but it's done for.

Or it can do 10 100s or 110s or 1,001 joule surges. Right. But after the total has hit that, it's time to get a new one. Now, there's no surefire way of telling. Right. But if they're old, you should replace them. Right. So if they're really ancient, they've probably done their dash.

Yeah. This weekend when you're in the knack, you tell Bev, it's time to replace all the old surge protectors. You know what the boomers are like? Well, if it's not broken, don't get a new one. Well, no, my boomers are very much all about this. They don't want their house burning down. They're woke, aren't they?

Certainly are woke boomers. They're woke to one thing. Safety. And it's surge protectors. Yep. And avoiding fire. But yeah, I read this article about it and saying that, yeah, you do need to replace them because they just degrade over time.

Well, where's all the advertising on the TV for that? They're always like, you know, get your smoke alarms replaced, but where's the get your surge protectors? I never knew that was a thing. Replaced. No, well, I didn't either. And then Christine told me and then I've stumbled across this. Yeah, wow.

Okay. So just wise up. Also, they need to somehow work out how to make them a little bit more aesthetically pleasing. I know, they're ugly, aren't they? Even the like slim white ones with the switch on the end aren't as pleasing. And then there's those grunters,

those big yellow grunters with handles on the end. We've all got big fat ones, the plugs that go into the multi-box. You go to America and they've got just the two pins. And their multi-boxes are real slim and nice. Yeah, right. And you're just like real slim and nice yeah right but it's not our fault so you think it's our big flags our big fat plugs that are the problem there's bigger fatter plugs um have you seen people from the uk big fat yeah those are big those big three pin three two circles and a square massive yeah no they're big fat plugs um so today's fact of the day is that surge protectors don't last forever, guys,

and they need to be replaced. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. It is the end of the year and Massey University do a quote of the year competition. So you can vote for this. Massey Palmerston or Massey North Shore of Auckland? Well, it's all the same thing, mate. Yeah. Same uni, different campuses.

Wildly different. Wildly different. Okay. One's the vet people. Well, you know it's more than vet people. It's the flying people too. Yeah, the flying. I was getting to that.

And the food people. The flying caterers. Yeah. The flying vets. The food science. That cater. Yeah, all the same uni. You'd always be suspicious of a vet that was running a catering business.

Like, did my sheep really need to get put down or were you short of a mutton? Yeah. So yeah, you can vote for your favourite quote for this year. Do you remember what last year's was? Quote of the year. Gives a clue. Simon Bridges said it.

Oh, was it a silly thing? Yeah. What was it? When he referred, Paula Benefit was the quote, when he accidentally referred to Paula Bennett as Paula Benefit. And that was our quote of the year. That should be inspirational. They're not all inspirational.

It smells like Massey Palmerston North to me. They've got to the end of the year. They want to make up for it. No, it's voted for. The public votes for it. This is why you shouldn't. But the public also named things Bodie McBoatface. Stop asking the public. That's stupid. No offence you shouldn't eat. But the public also named things Boaty McBoatface. Stop asking the public.

That's stupid. No offence. And Brexit. They asked the public. Like, that's still not sorted. There are some silly things in the running this year too. Okay, give us some of the year's best quotes. Well, Hannah Tamaki from Destiny's Church.

She shouldn't even be in there. Just imagine if Colonel Sanders gave up the first time he wanted funding for his recipe. We would not have that succulent chicken. She shouldn't even be in there. Just imagine if Colonel Sanders gave up the first time he wanted funding for his recipe. We would not have that succulent chicken. Oh, my God. You're not getting funding for your weird school, Hannah. Give it up. Ian Smith talking about the Cricket World Cup final.

We're going to a Super Over. You're kidding me. You're kidding me is one of the quotes. Oh, I remember that. Said with a lot more passion than that. Yeah. There's another one about Jack Goodhue, the all-black smart. Oh, yep.

There's scientific evidence that shows it makes me faster. It was done at Harvard, I think, is his quote. Good banter from him. So those are some of the silly ones. Now, Lucy Lawless, on the school fight for climate. She said, I think the doves are rising up, which is poetic. Oh, it is, yeah.

Yeah. The one that I think I'll vote for, just because I feel like this quote kind of shaped the year. Do you know what it could be? Is it? It resonates with how New Zealand, what happened to us this year. It went crazy.

Everyone would have said it. Oh, we are one? They are us. They are us. Yeah. From Jacinda Ardern, speaking about the Christchurch terrorist attack. Yeah. I feel like. But then that got to the point where that, like, it was a great quote,

but then it started like anything. If it's around long enough, someone's going to find a fault with it. And it was like, well, you don't call people they, because that's a very segregating term in itself. They. Oh, yeah, right. That's what you call a group of people, they. You say that quote, and then I can imagine her saying it in that voice.

Yeah. Yeah, wow. And also just sneaking in at the last minute, okay, Boomer from Chloe Swarbrick. Oh, yeah, that's probably got the running though, eh? That had a good run. Kind of took on a cultural point, didn't it? Yeah.

So there's quite a few to vote for. Get your vote in before the end of the year. Where do you vote? I don't know. Massey.ac.nz. Go to Massey's website. I'm sure it'll be there. It'll be somewhere.

Find it. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Go to the message website. I'm sure it'll be there. It's just a guess. It'll be somewhere. Find it. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. We talked the other day about stranger friends, those people that you see every day. And you don't know their name. You don't know their name. You don't know anything about them, but you always see them.

And maybe in my case, you say hi to them. There's a guy when I'm walking to work or e-scootering to work every day that I always wave to him like, morning. And maybe we'll say one of those things like oh thank god it's Friday or yeah exactly those kind of comments yeah um and I said you know this guy and didn't see him on we must have talked about it on Wednesday yeah because I didn't see him yesterday today was my first time seeing him since we talked about him on the radio on Wednesday. Okay. And I was like, well, what if he's heard? Yeah.

Has he? Well, I said, good morning. He didn't say anything for a couple of seconds. And I was like, oh my God, what if he's heard? And he's like, he's angry at you. He's like, well, you know, because I was like wondering his backstory. And the last time you spoke to him, you said you think he called you by your name. Yeah, but I don't know.

I don't know if he did. Anyway, this morning, so I said hi. He didn't say anything for a couple of seconds. I was like, oh my God, he's salty because I've talked about it on the radio. And then he turned around and he said, Merry Christmas, friend. And he shook my hand.

And I was like, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, friend. And we walked a little bit and had a little bit of conversation. Did you hold hands? We didn't know we didn't hold hands. But I said, well, I have to walk today because the e-scooters have a new rule about not starting until 6 a.m. And then we got to where we chatted the whole way up Queen Street about different e-scooters and about different things.

And then I said. Oh, my God, I'm so proud of you. I know, but I didn't ask him like his name or anything else. Oh, that's great. But anyway, we did... And then he said, you want a bit of the synthetic cannabis? No, he's not homeless, Vaughn.

He's doing his exercise, his morning exercise. Okay. And I said, look, I've got to walk this way, but you have a lovely day. And he, when I said that, was like, oh, and waved to someone else, the rubbish truck driver, and then went over to talk to the rubbish truck driver. Like, I felt cheated on.

He's just a slut. He's in the morning. He's got all these morning friends. Do you want to be exclusive? No, I just walked up the road and he goes over and the rubbish truck driver stops and they have a big yarn. Oh, so he's just a really friendly guy. He's a really friendly good morning guy, but he's not.

I'm not the only one. See how this feels when your hookups find out that I'm not the only one? And you're always like, God, that gets so upset. I'm not the only one. I was like, I felt like, okay, I thought I was special. I get a morning wave every morning, but he's waving to the rubbish truck people, probably to the milk people, the window cleaners. God, I'm not the only one.

Did you have to keep, oh, you walk pretty fast, but was he like power walking? No, he's a fast walker. So you had to walk together. Yeah, yeah. That's pretty cute. No, it was good. We were at the same pace. Power walks together.

Same pace, yeah. Nice. Hot play. Hot play. Yeah, good times. It would have been such a quick conversation. But I just had to give you an update on Morning Hello Guy. You've been cheated on.

You still going to say hello to him? Yeah, I'll still say hello. But I just give him that look like, I know I'm not the only one. Yeah. I know you're helloing all up Queen Street. Yeah. Helloing all around the place, you floozy. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Yeah, hello and around the place, you floozy.