ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - February 04 2019

Episode Date: February 3, 2019

Fletch made it to the Waitangi Pub Crawl in the UK, Vaughan has been asked for a recommendation and what was your specialist subject?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, brought to you by Spark. Get the new Nokia 7.1 from $499 on a Spark prepaid rollover value pack. And now, on with the podcast. Thank you, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. One billion rats in Sydney. Yeah, sort of your rat problem. Get a trap. By rodent activity, do they mean like they're doing it?

Or are they just like running out of the cracks? I just thought, man, just them doing anything, right? Bit of both, yeah. So when you go to big cities like London or New York, you always see rats. Oh, Bangkok. Bangkok. Bangkok is rat central, man. I've got to get there.

When we were there over Christmas and New Year's, we were walking home at night and the girls were like, is that a cat? Oh, God. I was like, no, those are giant Bangkok rats. How big? Like small cats. Massive.

Massive. Oh, God, if one of those ran over me, I would just, I'd die. Two of them could have eaten Megan's dog. Piece of cake. Piece of cake. Little dogs must get more, like, taken down by gangs of rats. Imagine the rats took, like, New York mobsters, too. Yeah, here he comes.

See? Get him. He's a chihuahua. Good feed. All right, you lot, listen comes. See? Get him. He's a che-ho-ho. Yeah, good feed. Alright, you lot. Listen up. It's story time. Alright, three news headlines for story time. This is how it always works.

I've got three interesting news stories. Vaughan and Megan pick one story based only on the headline. Headline one, senior citizens turning to crime. Headline two, homework emergency. And headline three, Swiss crims get upper hand. Old people turning to crime, senior citizens turning to crime. They'd get away with it, wouldn't they?

Wow. They're less suspicious than the old person. They don't want'd get away with it, wouldn't they? Wow. It was less suspicious than the opposite. They don't want to get away with it. Oh, they want to go to jail because the rest times are no good. Oh, they want to go to jail. No one will look after them.

I've thought of this plan. If no one will look after you, rob a bank. Yeah, do something like that. No, but you don't. No, you want to do fraud because don't they get the nicer prison with sky

and a garden? They get a slightly white collar. Yeah. Well, you could rob a bank, just don't have any weapons and, you know, just be a bit senile about it. Yeah, but no, my luck, I'd probably get away with it.

Is this in Japan? What, and then you'd have all those millions of dollars? You want to share? Is this happening in Japan? It is, it is, Megan, yes. Yeah, because they're too poor, and they don't have someone to look after them, apparently. And do you know what else they have in Japan?

They've got this problem in some towns and cities where they have loads of empty houses. Because their school's got so many old people, they're all just dying. Yeah. And there's, I don't know, they don't have kids? A lot of them probably don't. And so there's all these houses.

They're like, hey, we've got some free houses. Yeah, they've got heaps of empty old massive houses that they just said are totally going to waste. Wow. Well, that's sad. And I imagine it's like that, what's that Japanese restaurant over there that's got the well on the floor?

Oh no, that's a Thai restaurant. But I like that. You know the table and you sit in the square on the floor? It's very cool. What? We clearly didn't go with you. What, it's sunken?

Yeah, it's sunken in tables. Like Japanese style. Oh, really? Very cool. No, I've not been there. That's how I imagine every table is going to be. No, I'm not keen on that. Table's going to be able to move. My chair's going to be able to move.

Because otherwise I bang my knees all the time when I get up. Not into it. Not into it at all. Okay, well we've sufficiently covered that. What was number two? Homework. Homework emergency or Swiss crumbs get up a hand. Homework emergency. Homework emergency. Yeah, okay. Alright, well this story, we go now to America,

and a 911 dispatcher is at work. Yeah. It's a quiet day, which is lucky for a kid that has a homework emergency. I can play you the call. 911. Hi, can you hear me? Yes, I can hear you. I had a really bad day and, um, I just, I don't know.

You had a bad day at school? Yeah, I just came to tell you that. Yeah, what happened at school that made you have a bad day? Um, I just had tons of homework. Oh, okay. What subjects do you have homework in? Math, and it's so hard. So what are you learning in math? Fractions.

Is there a problem you want me to help you with? Yeah. What's 3 by 4 plus 1 by 4? Do you have your paperwork in front of you, your homework? Yeah. Okay. So if you do 3 over 4, put that on your paper. Okay. And then do plus 1 over 4.

Okay. Okay. So what's 3 plus 1? 4. And then it would be over 4. So then 4 over 4 is what? 1. Yeah, good job.

Thank you. I'm sorry for calling Yeah, good job. Thank you. I'm sorry for calling you, but I really need help. You're fine. We're always here to help. Okay. Thank you. It's actually really, like, deeper than funny. It's actually, like, really sad that, A, his parents aren't around.

Yeah. Or he feels he can't ask his parents to help him with his homework. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. I know. That's so sad. So apparently the 911 operator excelled at maths in school and was happy to help out,

although police have said they don't recommend calling 911 for homework help. It is a bit of a time work. And I don't know if being able to put three quarters plus one quarter, that doesn't necessarily make you a maths genius.

I would have liked to have seen him really test it. Really test it with some high-end algebra. Because if he'd asked me that, I'd just sort of be like, oh, look,

I've got an actual call coming through. Are you going to have to ask your parents? Yeah. Yeah. It's struggling in an easy way. It always bothers me with fractions. Yeah, the top It's struggling in an easy way. That was sweet. It always bothers me with fractions.

You add the top, the bottoms don't get added. That always really bothered me. No, I don't know the answer to that. When you're first learning about how to put it together, why only add the one and the three at the top and not the fours down the bottom? Because you're working in quarters. I know, but you don't know that When you're first learning about them

Do you know what I mean? Yeah I'm wise to say But then three quarters times one quarter Completely different situation Yeah again I don't know what you're talking about It's just math It just sucks

And I've never ever needed it Since school Ever FM I'm just reading a story about a... There's a real little chuckle. Housing New Zealand tenant has been ordered to pay $5,200 for damage. Now, that's not getting your bond back, baby.

No, and some. That's far more than your bond. The best part about it is that while the carpet was old, it was clean. Yeah. When the tenant moved in in 2014. Yeah. Upon inspection,

the carpets are gone. Yeah. And the floorboards have been painted pink. Bright pink. Wow. Also, the front porch has been painted pink. Right. And I just, the front porch has been painted pink. Right. And I just, that really tickled me.

That somebody would be like, carpets are buggered. I'm just going to take this floor south to pull them up. What am I going to do? I know. What everybody does. I'll paint a floor pink. And I'm going to paint it obnoxious pink. But some apartments do, if they've got like old wooden floorboards,

look quite cool painted, but not pink. Not white. Like a nice, like matte white or something. But also, if you're painting something matte white, you've got to keep that. You've got to keep it on top of that. You don't want kids. You don't want animals.

You want to be like single or like just a couple, no kids, no messy things. Always wearing socks on that floor. Because you'd mark it. Anyway, pink apparently doesn't show those sorts of... Is there a picture? Like what kind of pink are we talking? It's described as bright pink.

Wow. A fuchsia. A what? A fuchsia. Yeah, maybe. I wish there was a photo. There's a photo of the house from the outside, but you can't even see the sweet pink porch

because it's kind of hidden, obscured from view from the street. What were they thinking? I don't know. I've known a few people that have painted like their flat walls. It always blows my mind renting. I've painted my flat walls. But did you ask the...

No. But I just painted it the same colour. I just painted it white. Oh, right. That's fine. But why did you do that though? Like that's on the landlord. No, but the same colour. I just painted it white. But why did you do that, though? Like, that's on the landlord. No, but the landlord wasn't going to do it

because I was like, it just looks a bit... Like, in some flats you clean it, but it doesn't ever look really clean. So I was like, we'll just repaint it. And then it'll look nice. And then when you moved out, were they just like, why have you repainted this wall? No, they didn't say anything.

They were pretty stoked. Saves them having to do it. Yeah. But if you'd painted the floor pink... That would have been another story. So this is the reason why they didn't say anything. They were pretty stoked. Saves them having to do it. Yeah. But if you'd painted the floor pink. That would have been another story. So this is the reason why the floor got painted pink. Because they pulled the carpet up and there was still some sticky stuff on it. So they were thinking about polishing it, but the sticky stuff wouldn't come off.

Right. So they just painted over it. Pink? Pink. Okay. Right. But I'm guessing the landlord can just put down carpet, right? And cover the pink. Yeah.

Yeah. But someone's going to pay for that. Well, it's Housing New Zealand. Yeah. It's ours. It's taxpayers. It's Housing New Zealand. It's our house. Did it say why they pulled up? You want to go around there at the weekend? Not me. Did you say why they pulled up the carpet? They just didn't like it and it smelled bad.

Oh, okay. But they said that must have been something they did because it was all up to a specific standard that houses in New Zealand, standard that houses have to be before a tenant moves in. Okay. So, yeah, there's a fair bit owing on that place. We always hear about the strangest human insurance claims. Oh, and travel insurance claims. Yeah. Now it's been revealed the strangest human insurance claims. And travel insurance claims.

Yeah. Now it's been revealed the strangest pet insurance claims over the last year. I'm pretty lucky Leo's never really, I mean, he had to get his heart checked out, but like nothing, most of these are things that they've eaten because he eats like normal food and spews it up. Well, if they need an operation, that's when it gets expensive at the vet. Have you ever had a weird Has Lulu ever eaten anything? Nah, she's not a food

focused dog. It's why it was hard to train her because you'd be like, sit. She'd be like, I don't care what you got. I don't actually want that. I just want to jump on you and lick you. That's what I want to do. Cute. So most of these are things that dogs have consumed,

including a beagle. We used to have a beagle. They liked to eat everything, which was his demise when he ate rat poison. And it's not good for them, surprisingly. So this beagle, the owners got almost a $3,000 bill because they were defrosting a fruitcake, and this must have been around Christmas,

defrosting a fruitcake and this must have been around Christmas, defrosting a fruitcake on the bench when the beagle got up to it and chowed down the whole thing. How does a beagle get up? Mate, they can climb. No, they can climb. They can climb. Have you seen them?

They climb up gates. They're escape artists. In a corner, they literally put their front paws on one side, back paws on the other and jiggle their way out. And shiver their way out. Like birdalists.

You go on YouTube, there's a video of it. Really? They manage to escape. I don't know where it comes from, but they're insane. I just look at them and I think, yeah, you silly little dog. They will do anything for food. Really? And, of course, raisins are not good for dogs,

so that was a $3,000 stint. Yeah. A French bulldog ate a roll of dental floss. They're dumb, aren't they? I feel sorry for them. They've been bred to buggery. They're so cute. They're so cute.

They're so cute. Snuffled that up. So, yeah, you'll be pleased to know that that French bulldog is fine. Okay. A cat swallowed 46 hair ties. Oh, yeah, they love hair ties. They love playing with them. Cats.

But why did they eat it? Like, they play with it, but not. A border collie swallowed a compact mirror it had eaten and then vomited up shards. I'm just showing Fletcher video of a beagle climbing a... Look at it. It's nuts. They're very, very clever.

That's insane. It's climbing up the wire. He's getting up out of a kennel. That's nuts. This kenn climbing up the wire. He's getting up out of a kennel. That's nuts. This kennel shall not enclose me. You shall not hold me human. Look at it. Wow.

I scream, I sniff, and I escape. People are using their imagination now, looking in the gaps. A German shepherd, they spent $8,437 on surgery after it impaled its leg on a metal shoe rack. It was trapped in a room with two aggressive cats. The cats cornered it.

Yeah. An Alsatian, did you say? German Shepherd. German Shepherd, jeez. Good Lord. There's blankets, dishcloths, sewing needles, a kebab stick, all had to be taken out of dogs' stomachs.

Because they'll just eat rubbish. They'll just eat a bag of rubbish. So the lesson here we're learning is make sure you get pet insurance. Or don't have super dumb pets. That's hard to do. That's hard to do. There's a sad new trend on Facebook, and it's wedding shaming groups.

Now, before you think these are just little groups that people are joining for a bit of fun, there's one that, the biggest one's 38,000 people. It's called That's It, I'm Wedding Shaming. There's a couple of others like, they have not as many follows, but there's still 34,000. Where is that group?

Is it just a worldwide group or is it? I believe it is. Right, okay. Where is that group? Is it just a worldwide group? I believe it is. Right, okay. I haven't joined it because you have to apparently go through a series of questions. Like there's a questionnaire when you join it

to make sure that I guess you're savage enough. But apparently these groups, there's tags that you can put on photos such as cringe, tacky family, effing yikes, so that you can put things into categories.

So what? So people will go to a wedding and then upload the photos? Take photos if it's cringey and then kind of get everyone else's opinion on it. They do have rules from what I can tell. So they said, shall I read you the description of how they? Okay.

This is a group where we can all come together and bond over cringeworthy weddings and wedding-related events. Feel free to post any shame-worthy weddings, whether it's something you saw online or someone you know personally, but be sure to read

our rules beforehand. Don't worry, they aren't totally dumb and difficult to follow. So yeah, they do go into like racism and like that kind of thing, which is...

That's good. Yep. Wait, they say no, that's good. Yeah. Wait, they say no racism. No racism. Okay. So they've got some standards. I thought you were saying they had like a subcategory called racism. Yeah.

That's disappointing. Now, of course, I haven't seen it, but there's a couple of people that have said, I was in a wedding shaming group. I quit because I was getting too sensitive about just how nasty people were to other people's weddings. Someone else said, I joined a wedding shaming Facebook group thinking it'd be

mostly cathartic shaming of entitled people, but it's mostly just people making fun of other people's tastes and photos and now I'm sad. Like it's okay when you're taking the piss of really rich white people. Like the fire documentary. Lol. But yeah, okay. So you might remember

this is where the vegan wedding when someone slammed their family for um like they weren't invited to the wedding because they were vegan

this is where this came from you remember where the ring someone got a three diamond ring and they were like this wasn't good enough for them

that's where this came from so there's someone in the news media that's a part of this group yeah and is lifting all the good stories yeah wow okay but how from. So there's someone in the news media that's a part of this group. Yeah. And is lifting all the good stories. Yeah. Wow.

Okay. But how sad is that? There's people going online to. But I feel every, I mean, everybody judges everybody else's weddings, don't they? But there's something different. Yeah, but you said to like a couple of people that you can trust. There's something different. You join a group and you just lay into strangers' weddings, when

of course you're probably not going to like it because it's representative of them. It's their day, isn't it? And they might not have that much money. So they could be doing it on the cheap or they could just have too much money and not enough taste. Yeah, well that's true. About 38,000 people in that biggest group.

I like to think the majority of them are there silently. Watching the drama unfold? Yeah, just watching. Yeah, but is that okay if you're just watching it silently? As long as it's not your wedding. If I was getting married, I'd probably join it. Just to see no one.

But imagine it's not cheap to have someone at your wedding. Imagine you pay to have someone at your wedding and then they go on there and say something like that publicly to get a few likes. Yeah, how do you make sure the person you're posting about isn't on there? You post it and then they're like, all right, Susan, you're not coming to the baby shower. Yeah, I don't know.

Do you knife Susan to get your money back? Do you invoice Susan? Top 6. Today's top 6 is in the US. A 19-year-old in Austin, Texas, robbed a bank and made his escape on an electric scooter. Like a lime scooter? Yeah, it topped out at 24Ks. Yep.

And also, it was like a lime because he had an account and he'd scanned it and then made his getaway. So police literally just had to say to lime or whoever. Do you know what? It took a month, though. Did it? It took a month. Really?

To get his details. Yeah, to get it all sorted. For a month after the crime, he was arrested and charged with robbery. Who would have thought he had got away with it. I know, in like a week, you're like, I'm done, I'm good. That's why I wouldn't want to rob a bank or anything, because you'd always be like worried. If you didn't get caught straight away, you'd always be waiting. That it would be coming.

Yeah. Yeah. So he robbed it, jumped on, away he goes. It's called Because Jump. That's what that, it's not called Lime, it's another company doing the same sort of thing. I read Onzo, who do the bikes, they're looking at getting into some scooters too.

Are they? Yeah, because we can't get enough of them. Because Lime means getting into the cars. Yeah. Well, they're called pods, right? Yeah. They're like a little car. So that's a terrible idea for a getaway.

So today's top six equally bad yet environmentally friendly getaway vehicles if you're committing a crime. Number six, roller skates. Brilliant. Mostly because in New Zealand the footpaths are very inconsistent. You'll be nice and smooth sailing one moment, then you'll hit some real gravelly old stuff

that's kind of worn away on the top and those big gravel stones will be exposed. If it doesn't take you down, it'll slow you down. Also, a lot of people are going to look, because you're always like, they're wearing roller skates. Yeah. Or, they're wearing roller blades.

That's so weird. What are you doing that for? In a way that... Well, that's how you propel yourself. So just... No, but I mean, why are they wearing roller skates? And then you've got a big bag with money blowing out of it. Yeah.

Bit of a giveaway. Number five on the top six equally bad yet environmentally friendly getaway vehicles are those New Zealand Post electric motorbike thingies. Oh, yeah. But they never... How fast do they go? I've seen them clicking along. Yeah, no, they do.

Yeah. But I don't know what the... The Posts, they get around all of the day on one. I'm imagining they have to be charged at the end of the day. Yeah. Also, I've never seen, do they load them onto a trailer and take them? I don't know. I don't know.

Or do they all get dropped off by a truck and the truck's like, I'll be back here at four o'clock. No, I think they just ride them back to the depot, don't they? So they must be able to do some mileage. Yeah. But the problem is they're bright red. Yeah. So they'd be very easy to see.

They would be. And I'm imagining to get access to it, you'd have to be a post-test and they'll eventually find you. Number four on the list of the equally bad yet environmentally friendly getaway vehicles, a blow cart. That's like a go-kart crossed with a little yacht. Right.

Because you control it by using the wind. They have those on the beaches, don't they? Yeah. Awful things. Mostly because I can guarantee the day you rub a bank, there'll be no wind. Or it'll be blowing the wrong way and it'll blow you straight back into the arms of the law.

Yeah, that could totally happen. Number three on the list of the top six equally bad, yet environmentally friendly getaway vehicles, the bus. Because it's never on time. So you'd run out there and you'd be like, oh, I'm vehicles, the bus. Because it's never on time. So you'd run out there and you'd be like, oh, I'm running for the bus. If it is there, you'd get on and try to pay with some of the cash that you just got through the robbery.

And they'd be like, do you not have a card? I'm like, no, quick, quick, quick. They're like, can't you change? Number two on the list of the equally bad, environmentally friendly getaway vehicles, a penny farthing. Again, that's not going to attract attention at all, is it? It's just so weird that that was ever thought as a good idea for a bike.

Yeah, like one huge wheel and one little wheel. Surely they thought, let's start with two wheels of the equal size. You'd think so. Just so weird. Yeah. And the number one equally bad environmentally friendly

getaway vehicles is an Onzo bike. Unless, of course, you left it unlocked beforehand because they take a while to unlock via the app. Yeah.

And then you get on, you've got to put your helmet on, you want to make sure the helmet's tight around the chin and also sits forward to protect the forehead if one is to fall off

one's bike. Yeah. While making getaway from a bank robbery. That is today's top six. When I was in Thailand, this is going back a little bit. I'd completely forgotten about this. Okay. Until the weekend.

Sade's cousin's son is Mac. He's six years old. Okay. And we all went out for this big family meal and Mac was watching something on an iPad. And I was like, what are you watching, Mac? And he said, flag video. A flag video. About flags. and I was like, what are you watching, Mac? And he said, flag video. A flag video? About flags. And I was like, beg your pardon?

He's like, it's a video about flags. Right. And his dad said he's obsessed with flags. Ask him any question, he'll have the answer for it. And he's six. He's six. You're quite into flags too. I really like flags. What is it called? Vexiology. Oh yeah. So Mac and I are watching the little video over his shoulder and it's

literally just a guy drawing flags and then in like Photoshop or something and it's a video screen capture and then he takes a flag and he puts them on the country that they represent and like shapes them so the shape of the country weird and my girls were like

what's he watching? I was like, it's a video about flags and they watch for like 10 seconds and they're like, boring. I was like, alright. And they went back to watching videos of some woman who renovates squishies. You know, the squishy toys and they crack and stuff. She renovates them. She glues them back together, adds more

fluff, paints them, changes them into different things. Men kids watch weird stuff. No, but you say that, but I watch that. Did you see that video at the weekend of the guy waterblasting or like the footpath? Power washing. Oh, it was just so nice to watch. Wonder what you get up to

on the weekend sometimes. That's what I do, watch waterblasting videos. If I was a company that sold waterblasters, I would just put heaps of videos online of my water blasts cleaning like really filthy things. Not sped up, nothing. Just maybe even slowed down.

Quite nice to watch. Yeah. Real filthy parts. Yeah. Real filthy parts. So Max watched this video of all these flags and his dad said, ask him anything. So I was like, all right, it's on.

Yeah. So I was like, I'll start easy. Yeah. And I pulled up like the flag of South Africa on my phone and I said what flag is this he's like

South Africa like didn't even bat did you get the eye roll yeah like come on and so I was like alright what's this one then and I showed him

the New Zealand flag he's like it's New Zealand I was like is it or is it Australia he's like it's New Zealand

okay tried to plant a seed of doubt in his mind so I said alright smarty Pants What is the only flag in the world that's just one singular colour And he went Libya, green

I was like oh we got it We got ourselves a big dog So I googled Hard flag quiz You know how people put together quizzes It just kind of blew my mind And I went through it with him and I asked him every question.

He got 15 out of 15 right. What? There were questions like name two countries that have dragons on their flags. And I was immediately

like Wales. Yeah, that's the only one I'd know. And I was like, I said, he said Wales. I was like, yeah, that's the one I would have gone with.

And he's like, and Albania. I was like, nah. And he's like, put itia. I was like, nah. And he's like, put it in. So I put in Albania and he was right. How old is he again? No, Bhutan. Bhutan was it. See, I can't even remember rightly. Albania was,

because the question was, how many heads does the eagle on the Albanian flag have? It's two. He knew the answer to that. Why does it have two? Because two is better than one. Yeah, because it can see both ways. Yeah.

Right, okay. But how old is he again? Six. Madness. That's nuts. Just crazy. Like, Flags was his one. If I was on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

Yeah. And the final question was Flags, I was phone a friend, I'd be like, get Mac on the phone. What's Mac's number? I'm like, I don't know, call his dad. They ring him and he's like, hello. He's a little kid's voice.

Hello. Hi, Mac, just got a question about flags here. Yep, go ahead. By the way, you're on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Oh, right. I'm not answering unless you go 50-50 with me. Yeah. All right, hard bargain.

All right, I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it. But it blew my mind. Yeah, because he's only six. Yeah, and I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. But it blew my mind. Yeah, well, this is only sex. Yeah, and I looked at my two and I was like, what's your specialist subjects? Oh, I don't know. The squishy video? I was like, yeah, that's not going to get us anywhere.

It's time you brushed up. Yeah. But I was wondering this morning, it could be a kid with like an amazing, because you know how kids become obsessed with things and they become quite single-minded about it? Yeah. And they just watch and try to learn as much as they can about it.

I was wondering, you could call in and tell us, when you were a kid, what was your specialist subject? Or even now. Yeah. Because you'd still retain that knowledge, wouldn't you? Well, I don't know. Because I did a study on big cats. I took it upon myself over my holidays to do a study on big cats.

Now, this was before the internet. I had to go to the library a study on big cats. Now this was before the internet. I had to go to the library to learn about big cats. I learned a lot about big cats but it's not all left in there anymore. But yeah,

that was once. Oh yeah, true. Like this kid's all the time just obsessed with it. With flags. Yeah. Okay, well give us a call.

0800-DARZENM-9696. What's your specialist subject? Because you make kids like dinosaur nuts. Yeah. And you're like, oh yeah, I know that one. That's a pterodact Yeah. And you're like, oh, yeah, I know that one. That's a pterodactyl.

And they're like, not all flying dinosaurs are pterodactyls. You're like, okay. Okay. That, by the way, is a real story. That's happened to me also. All right. 9696 to text 0800DARLS at M. What is your specialist subject?

Maybe when you were a kid. We want to know what your specialist subject was as a kid, or maybe even now you've retained it, and you've still got all this knowledge bouncing around inside your head. My wife's cousin's kid. What is the official term for that? Cousin once removed, right? I've no idea.

Your cousin's kids are your cousins once removed, because they're your cousins, but then a generation down. Certainly not enough to care about or buy presents for. Oh, heavens for sure. Heavens, no. Maybe catch up if they were in the country for lunch. You're a bit on fire about that. Okay, okay.

So he was amazing with flags. You could ask him any question at the age of six and he had an answer about flags. That was his... Knew everything. Just everything. Some text messages in on it. Somebody said, my partner teaches at a school for special needs

and each one of these kids has one thing that they just obsess about. There was a five-year-old who could name every dinosaur by looking at a photo and the day that they discovered new dinosaurs, and they're going through a bit of a renaissance at the moment, he just loved it. It was paradise.

That's so cool. T-Rex, Brachiosaurus, Brachiosaurus. Brachiosaurus. Stegosaurus. Triceratops. Yep. Oh, yeah, that one. That's my favourite.

Yeah, but see, I'm struggling now. Brontosaurus. The one with the fanny neck. The fanny neck. The fanny neck one that spits poison on Jurassic Park. The fanny neck. Oh, the fanny neck. No, Diplodocus.

No, they've got the fans out. They're like. And then it squirts the guy off Seinfeld. Yeah, Velociraptor. A few of them. And there's heaps more. To a Tara. There's a few more.

Lizard. I've got heaps, baby. I'm out. I'm absolutely out. Crocodile. So we want to know your specialist subject. Leo has called through. How old are you, Leo?

I'm 12. 12. And what's your specialist subject? So I am obsessed with Canada. Like, ask anyone I know. I am obsessed with Canada.

I'm always trying to wear red. I have massive Canadian flags everywhere. Are you Canadian? No. I'm Zambian, but I want to go live

in Canada when I grow up. Don't make us feel stinking. What is it about Canada that you love? Well, just... Justin Trudeau. I'm a really Kmart-y person. So Canada's like Kmart for me.

Like to the teeth. But things are good. You've related to Megan. She understands now. I totally understand. Leo, I've just Googled. Can I test you with some really hard questions on Canada? Yep, sure. Okay, how many lakes are in Canada estimated? I've just Googled. Can I test you with some really hard questions on Canada?

Yep, sure. Okay, how many lakes are in Canada estimated? They're estimated over 1,500 lakes. Canada also has the largest lake population in the world. He's not wrong. He's not wrong. If I was to fly to all the livable land in Canada, how many metres would that water be using all the water from the lakes?

What? Fletch? If you were to fill it, did you say? That would be about maybe the area of half the USA. Well, it says here that it would be two metres. Two metres deep. If you took all the water out of the Canadian lakes and poured it on the ground. And flooded the land. Yeah, that was really hard though.

Yeah, I didn't even understand the question. Yeah, that was really hard though. Yeah, I didn't even understand the question. Yeah, that's on you actually. Blame Google. Blame Google. I've got one. Okay. Who's the Prime Minister? Of Canada.

Yeah. Justin Traynor and three years in a row he has won Best Looking Politician. Yeah. I love how you've always got a follow-up fact.

Yeah, yeah. A little bit of a here we go. Nice. Oh well. That's fantastic. I don't know. I'm out of questions. Good luck. With moving to Canada. Yeah, yeah. A little bit of a here we go. Yeah. Nice. Oh, well. I don't know. I'm out of questions. Good luck.

With moving to Canada. No, everything. Bloody cold there, though. It is. What about the minus 50 they get in some parts? Well, that's why you live in Toronto and don't go for your vacation anywhere in the north. Yeah, right. Toronto and New Zealand.

You've got this all figured out, Leo. Thanks, you call. Jay, your little brother, what's his specialist subject? So his is computer coding. Well, that'll be handy. Okay. Oh, my God. So he's all over it.

Yeah, he hasn't been pushed to do it. He just sits and watches Minecraft and all these other different videos on YouTube, on his tablet, and, yeah, you ask him any question, he'll be able to tell you how to program someone moving in a game or turn on a light or something like that. Okay so Jay it's your job to make sure that he uses that for good and not

evil when he gets older. Yeah very much so. Well just make sure you're there to invest in his start up company. Get it at a ground level with family discount. To make some money. Thanks, you called Jay. Adriana.

Hey, how's it going? Good. What is your specialist subject, your skill? I had a weird thing for remembering birthdays as a kid. Oh, that's handy though. Yeah, really good.

But it was like people that I just met, if I knew their birthday, I would forget their name but remember their birthday. So you'd be like, oh, hey, it's you, June I just met, if I knew their birthday, I would forget their name but remember their birthday. So you'd be like, oh hey, it's you, June 16. Yeah, I'd say that. Wow.

I still remember people's birthdays from when I was about four years old and I'm 22 now. But you'd remember their birthdays but have you even seen them lately? These people? No, no, like I haven't seen them in maybe, you know, 15 years but I still know their birthdays. God, so you'd wake up today and be like, oh, it's a thing from school's birthday that I haven't seen them in maybe, you know, 15 years, but I still know their birthdays. God, so you'd wake up today and be like, oh, it's a thing from school's birthday that I haven't seen in 15 years. But it's, yeah, kind of weird. It gets a bit stalkery if you say something like happy birthday and I haven't seen you in 10 years and I'm like,

how do you know it is? Well, I've resisted saying happy birthday for the last 10 years. They just think you've seen Facebook. Oh, yeah. Damn, Facebook birthdays ruining it for people last 10 years. Facebook's good but they just think you've seen Facebook. Yeah. Oh yeah. Damn Facebook birthdays ruining it for people. Good memories. Fletch, Vaughn and Megan.

The podcast. Had a party at my house over the weekend it was my husband's birthday and Fletch actually came along which we were all like

what? Well yeah I did that thing where I was like I'm not going to say I'm coming because then if I don't want to go on the day there's no expectation

and I don't have to lie. And also then there's no expectation and I don't have to lie. And also then everyone's like, oh my God, like it's actually quite genius. It was great and everyone was like, wah! Excited to see it. Did you arrive a little bit late?

Oh no. Fashionably. A little bit, maybe in half an hour. Right, but that's good because then everybody's there. You on the other hand,

didn't even turn up. I know, it was bad. I had a big, I worked a 12 hour day. You should look at my hands, they're so sore. Yeah.

Look, I've got a little something here. What do you mean you? He watched his dad work 12 hours. We just saw videos. I said, this is what. You just sent us videos

of him doing everything, being like, look at how hard he is. Oh, no, yeah, he was, he was doing,

he was going intense. But we got to the finish of it because remember when we built the deck, me and dad, and he did most of the work. Yeah. When I got to the end of this one I said Did I keep up alright today?

And he's like You did bloody well It was like I was a little kid Seeking Did I do okay today dad? Yeah mate You did bloody well Well

You weren't there So I have to inform you Of what Fletch did at the party So It'll be a joy And no doubt Added a lot to the party To be fair

I thought I was talking quietly To producer Caitlin And Megan's like What did you say? No Yep Yep Well Joy, no doubt, added a lot to the party. To be fair, I thought I was talking quietly to producer Caitlin, and Megan's like, what, what did you say? No, yep, yep, what? I've got, like, very good ears. But Fletcher wasn't drinking because he drove, and I think if he had a few drinks, maybe he would have been less, like, what's the word I'm looking for?

Scrutinising. Was he scrutinising? Of the place. So, I hear Fletch in the kitchen saying to Caitlin, is it me or Megan's TV's not level? Megan's TV is not level. Caitlin, back me up here. Her TV did not look level.

Nothing looked level at Megan's house for me. I was lit, so. But yeah, sure. Caitlin kept telling everyone she has a boyfriend. Caitlin's head wasn't level. Guys, have you met? This is my boyfriend. That was her all night to everyone.

So that chat happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I know. I have a boyfriend, guys. Okay, moving on. Yeah, yeah. Should we talk about that then instead of the level TV? No, no.

Okay, right. So that's when I quickly whipped then instead of the level TV? No, no. Okay, right. So that's when I quickly whipped around and I was like, excuse me, what? Did you say the TV's not level? It actually is, despite what you're saying in front of you. It was like a Ripley's Believe It or Not exhibition or one of these weird things online where they're like, look at this really closely, what do you see? So it's like...

Blue dress, yellow dress. Yeah. Was that a thing? Yeah. It got put up again by, because it had to get fixed. So the repairman put it up and he put it up level. And so Fletch, instead of just taking my word for it at a party when no one else cares. Didn't look.

No, well, no. Now, by now, half the party was invested in whether or not this TV was level because it didn't look level. But it was the roof. Wasn't it the roof? Something to do with the roof? Well, I luckily have a level app on my phone. We all do. Yeah, we all do.

Built in with iPhones. Who knows that, though? You guys are such nerds. I put it on the TV. Shock horror. It's level. I put it on the side of the TV. Level.

I put it on the window frame. TV Level I put it on the window frame Also level He's like oh it's your roof How did they build a roof Like wonky That's not level I put it on the roof Also level

The floor? Yeah no also level But there's this like Little weird bit That's like 20 centimetres at the end That comes down Before it goes up on

Like a triangle The roof And that was given the appearance And that was given the appearance of... And that was given the appearance that the entire thing is wonky. Oh, it does my head in. I'm hanging the TV wonky to counter it. Can you imagine this chat at a party?

Yeah, yeah, thrilling stuff. How long did it take us to measure the roof? About 20 minutes, Caitlin. Oh, yeah. And then you were so dark about it, like you left straight away. Once I couldn't handle looking at your wonky TV. Yeah, 20. Oh, yeah. And then you were so dark about it, like you left straight away. I went outside. What if I couldn't handle looking at your wonky TV?

Yeah, 20 minutes later, Fletcher's still there with his phone, trying to make it so it wasn't level. And then, yeah, he's like, okay, well, I'll see you later. I put it on the bit of the roof that wasn't level and I was like, good, vindicated. That's it. In some way. There it is. There it is. Look at that. Look at that. Way out. Way out. Alright.

Next time we need to give you a few drinks. You admit it looks wonky, but it's not. It does, because everyone says the same thing when they come over. Your TV's wonky. Oh, yeah, well, put your phone on it. It's actually level. It's great chat. It's just this optical illusion of the roof that dips down.

It's bizarre. What's the solution then? What do we do? Put the TV on the other wall. Just ignore it. What if you put the TV on a cabinet on the ground? No, it looks good where it is. It the other wall. Just ignore it. What if you put the TV on a cabinet on the ground? No, it looks good where it is. It's just fine. Just ignore it.

Yeah. I couldn't live with it. Like, if I see a wonky picture at someone's house, I have to straighten it. Like, how do they live in their house with a wonky photo? Do you not see it? It's not wonky. Oh, yeah.

You need a drink next time. I think so. No, you would have taken the TV off the wall. Now, over the weekend in London, the famous Waitangi Day pub crawl happened. This is where we do this and then have to apologise to England for our behaviour. Do you know this has been going, I was reading it's been going for 30 years.

Wow. In London. I can't believe they haven't banned it. And it's like, it's been going for 30 years. Wow. In London. I can't believe they haven't banned it. And it's like, it's on the circle line, and basically they crawl, each stop they get off, they go to a pub. There's like 10 pubs. Well, they're not crawling at the start,

they're crawling at the end. That is for sure. So one of our very own has made it in there. There was a group, because you always have to dress up as something quintessentially Kiwi, be it classic or contemporary. This very contemporary group went as a bunch of ACC claimants for Lime Scooter accidents.

Okay. Very Kiwi right now. Very Kiwi right now. Very topical. Yeah, ACC. And one of them was holding up a banner that said, Radio host poos himself on Lime Scooter. And it was a screencap of our Instagram

with Fletch's face there right front and centre. Yeah, it was a news story. It was a news story because I've been able to send this a few times from people there. You can see a bloody double-decker bus drive past and there's my big face on a sign. With Radio House poos himself. It was like a protest sign.

Horrible thing to wake up to. You were up there. Right. I mean, technically, I didn't claim ACC. No. Because that didn't happen in New Zealand. Big weekend for you, though, on the internet. I mean, I don't know what you did. Oh, God, I woke up.

I know I woke up on Saturday morning. I was like, what has happened? Yeah. So it's tagged in heaps of things. And flesh. It was unusual. Because this is what happens. People who do very naughty things.

When this happens, expect the absolute worst. No, because do you know what happened on Friday? I was walking along and I heard something playing in my pocket and it was Florence

and the Machine because I'd been on Tuesday or Wednesday or whenever it was and it had opened up Instagram in my pocket and was about to post it as a video post

and it was previewing it and I was just like, that could have been really bad. There were a couple of photos away from that. That could have been very embarrassing. Isn't a photo one or two less clicks to upload too as well? I don't know how it did it. And that's why when I woke up on Saturday morning, I'd be tagged in heaps of things.

I was just like, oh, God, what's posted? Oh, no. What have I done? Because I was like, whoa. Because I hadn't posted anything. But it was just the fact that you'd been engaging in some banter. On Instagram, yeah. Yeah, with Jeremy Irvine, who listens to the show.

Yeah. And he's listening to the podcast for ages, apparently. Light humble break here. But he was in Mamma Mia 2 and in the new Treadstone show, which is a show based off the Bourne Universe. I had engaged in some light banter with him about the Fyre Festival

because he was holding a bottle of Evian water. Yeah. And I asked him what he did to get that. And then it was posted by comments by celebrities. Now, I don't hate to burst your bubble, but you weren't the celebrity. I realise that, Vaughn. That's got like a million followers

and heaps of Kiwis follow it and everyone was tagging me on it and that's why I was like, oh my God, what have I posted? So you were like, phew. Yeah, basically. Basically.

So it definitely woke me up on Saturday morning, that's for sure. What have I done? Moosh Monday. We're getting emotional on Monday. We do Moosh Mondays. It's where a song takes you back to an emotional time. Maybe in your teenage years, a little while ago,

tell us a story that's related to the song. Hello, Victoria. Hiya. What's your emotional story? And how old were you at this time? So pretty much it was when I was in high school and I met this guy on Bebo. Of course, and I really liked him, but apparently it was long distance because he lived in Lower Hood and I lived in the city, so we never got to meet.

Wait, wait, you lived in Wellington City? Yeah, I know, I know. They had a harbour between them. I mean, they could have scooted around the side, but there was a harbour in between. Literally, you could have been there on a train in 15 minutes. Oh, preaching to the choir, honestly. Yeah, okay.

So what happened was, so then when we finally met, we were like, oh yeah, let's the choir, honestly. Yeah, okay. So what happened was, so then when we finally met, we were like, oh yeah, let's go on a relationship. And I was like, cool. But little did he know, I remembered how he was saying how he was in love with a set of twins. Didn't say which one, because he couldn't tell the difference.

His words, not mine. Wait, you should not be in love with someone if you can't tell them from their siblings. I guess it was like a fail-safe. I can't have one, the other one will do. But he also was deeply in love with this other girl, and he had this plastic watermelon that she gave him once drunk at a party, and he was like, no, I'm going to keep it in my wardrobe.

So, you know, years down the line when she's like, I actually do love you, I'll be like, oh, I love you too. I kept this all along for that drunk party. So he has got two solid backups that he's relying on them. Like, you could be with him for five years, watermelon girl turns up, you're on the heap. You're on the trash pile. So she gave him a plastic watermelon that he kept all that time?

Yep, he kept it. He kept it. So stupid. Apparently in his wardrobe, never got invited to his house i wouldn't know can't fact check that one that one all right okay but um yeah and then it just kind of i think the heartbreak really hit me when um it was christmas time and like i put a lot of thought into his gift on my mcdonald's wage money i put it all towards this thing that he wanted. And then he gave me a makeshift adult fun toy. What do you mean a makeshift?

What do you mean makeshift? A makeshift. Just kind of found some items around his house and just kind of did what he did. Did some sort of ask from Good Morning Homecraft to make you an adult fun toy? Yeah, like it wasn't Kiwi Ingenuity at its finest, but, you know, A for effort, I guess.

Oh, okay. I'm good with, like, homemade cards. I think that's sweet. Not homemade dildos. That's where I'll draw the line. That's where I'll draw the line on crafts. A bit of macaroni, hot glue gun to the side. You said you got him something really thoughtful.

What did you get him? Oh, I got him, because he loves Pokemon, so I got him all these different type of Pokemon from Toy World which is super expensive. Yeah, so I didn't realise that the budget was maybe like $2 from the $2 bill. Wow, and was that it? It was over then?

The heartbreak was set? Yeah, it was done at that point. I was like, oh, okay. That's cool. Any word if he ever got back with plastic watermelon or a twin that he didn't know which was which? Oh, no. I think he got with someone else who looked like a foot, so pretty much it doesn't really work out.

Oh, my God, Victoria. How did it look like a foot? The whole body looked like a foot. Can we be friends? Or just the face and the foot? I love you. How very confusing. I hope he's happy with his foot. How confronting.

With the foot. And if it's finished. Victoria, why don't you introduce the song that gave you some comfort after this heartbreak for Mosh Monday? Well, guys, today's Mosh Monday song is Just a Dream by Nelly. It's very emotional.

It is. Victoria, thank you. It's Nellie. Today's Motion Monday, just a dream. Fleeche Warner, Megan. Quarter past eight. I got called out doing something silly. I'm not proud of it, okay? You had a stalker moment. You were stalking.

I was stalking someone. Who were you stalking? So I... There's someone who I am not friends with on Instagram, but my husband is. And I don't know them very well. So I... Are they a hot girl?

Irrelevant, Fletch. But, Your Honour, I press for the information, Your Honour. I believe it. I believe it. Consequential to the case. Yeah. I don't know what you're saying. Upheld.

Overturn. Sustained. Adjure. Order in the court. I think my coffee. I was going to say, you're going to dent the desk or smash that coffee glass. How does the judge not dent his desk? He's got a gavel pad.

He's got a gavel and a gavel pad. Well, I need, Caitlin, get me a gavel and a gavel pad. Thank you. So, as I said, I'm not friends with this person on Instagram, but he is. The hot girl. It's a female. The hot female. Okay.

Not unattractive. Pro seed. Pro seed. And I knew that, so again, he had a party at the weekend and he said, insert name here, it's going to come. And I was like, well, that's cool. It's your guest list. Like, that's cool.

Order in the court. But I was like, I don't know like anything about said person. So I went and had a cheeky nosy. Okay. Like I just went and had a look on the gram. Okay. Your Honour, Your Honour, I moved to have the witness state her real intent. I don't believe this wee look-see.

It was a wee look-see. Anyway, so that's, like, you can do that all the time and not get caught, right? Yeah. Well, because it doesn't say who's visited your Instagram profile. No, and you just be careful not to like anything. And I obviously didn't when he wasn't there. Although, didn't you like someone's Instagram? Oh, yeah, that was just a worldwide panic amongst the people I was with too.

They're like, I like it. I was like, but if it's too late, the notifications popped up. I tried to scroll past and I must have just like, and just, double tap. Ah, I don't like it. And everyone was just like, there was just this mad panic. Oh,

you always scroll carefully, Vaughn. Scroll. And release. Scroll and release. I was scrolling carefully. I didn't like anything. Okay.

So I was like, I'm like free and easy from this. Okay. I'm going to get away with it. But, yeah, he said, so this,

man, I'm going to not say her name. This person's going to come to the party and that's when... You were like, like hell. No, I said, man, they have like... So I made a comment on the gram. I'm not going to say.

I made a comment on their Instagram and something that they often do on their Instagram. Wait, you didn't comment, you didn't write a comment on their Instagram. No. You commented on an aspect of what you had seen on their Instagram. The Instagram to my husband and he knows we're not friends

and so he said, how do you know that? And I was like, oh, ah, ah, ah. And he said, oh, did her name pop up in something and you went and had a look and I was like, yeah. And he's like, why would her name pop up in something and you went and had a look? And I was like, yeah.

And he's like, why would you do that? That's creepy. He trapped me into admitting that I'd had a wee stalk. He trapped you. You trapped yourself. I thought he would laugh. When he offered you an out, when someone offers you an escape, you've got to question it.

Yeah, because I didn't have an answer. He said, oh, did her name pop up? And then you clicked on it. I was like, yeah. That's what happened. All of her photos just popped up on my Instagram when I went to her profile. Yeah, because I didn't have an answer. He said, oh, did her name pop up? And then you clicked on it. I was like, yeah. That's what happened. Yeah, all of her photos just popped up on my Instagram when I went to her profile. Yeah. And he was like, that's really weird. That's really weird. And I was like, yeah. That's not, I don't think it is though. Like if I hear of someone that I don't know, that's the first thing I do. I know, but when you say it like that,

that's innocent. When I hear of someone I don't know, I go and look. You were doing background checks. You were sussing out if this is going I go and look. You were doing background checks. You were sussing out if this was going to be a problem. A threat. You were doing a threat analysis. I was just having a look-see. I was having a look-see. If you say look-see,

it sounds cute. But I got caught stalking. And was she there at the party? I don't want to comment. Did she agree with me that your TV is not level? No. Oh. Okay. Interesting. That's all I'm going to say because it's a little close to home. How many people were at this party?

This is not going to take the world's greatest detective to figure out who you're talking about. There weren't many. Yeah, so I got caught stalking and it was really embarrassing. I would like to know if you've ever been caught stalking. Because we all do it. That's the thing. We all do it.

There is nothing more terrifying than accidentally liking, oh, my God. Yeah. And you're like, I should not have been here. What if? When you're just like, who's this joker? Or you're having a scroll through. Or even someone you used to go to school with

and you know that they, you know that you'll, when they get their like and it's from you, they're going to be like, he was here having a laugh. At least mine wasn't some half-naked male model, Vaughn. I, look, he was an attractive man, and I was just setting myself some goals. All right, so you want to hear from people that have been in your situation.

We all stalk, but when have you been caught out stalking? Caught in the stalk. Do you want people's side where they've caught out their partner stalking? Yeah, both sides. Okay, 0800-DARLS-M-9696. Let's air our dirty laundry this morning. I'm in trouble.

And if you're a guy listening and you know your girlfriend also listens to the show and you think she's forgotten about that time she caught you she hasn't she's about to call we'll talk to her next well Megan has been

found guilty by a jury of her peers in stalking so the state versus Megan we look see I prefer to call her on Instagram

and send us to at least six months of this coming up periodically yes so we want to know when you have been caught stalking and most of it Send us to at least six months of this coming up periodically. Yes. So we want to know when you have been caught stalking. And most of it's Instagram, isn't it? Really?

Or Facebook? Maybe you accidentally like something or someone calls you out on it. Somebody said, I met my boyfriend in 2016. The day after we met, I got a notification on Facebook saying that he'd liked a post. And I clicked on it. It was from 2012. Right. And I was like, huh. When we went on our next date, I had to break it to him that I knew he'd stalked me pretty

hard and he was absolutely mortified. He did not know he'd liked that photo. Accidental mistake. Oh no. It's even worse when you accidentally like a really old photo because it means that you've gone back a long way. You've spent a lot of time stalking. But when you and your mates

are like scrolling back on someone's gram, you're like, no one double tap right now because that is bad. No one grab the phone off someone else. Yeah.

You should be wearing those like, those light gloves. You know when art restorers get paintings out and they're like, we have to handle it with gloves

or oil on our fingers will it with gloves or a bomb. Or a boil and our fingers will deteriorate. Or a bomb robot with those big mechanical... Lucy, when did you get caught stalking? So my boyfriend and I only just started going out and my mum wanted to show my grandparents who my boyfriend was and instead of putting in the search by his name, she actually posted the status.

Oh, Merm! Merm! I wasn't with my mum at the time, but my friend was, and my friend messaged me and said what happened, and I rang her and I said, are you stalking my boyfriend? And she said, no, I wouldn't be doing such a thing. I said, well, you've made a status with his name instead of searching it.

And she's like, oh my God. That's such a baby boomer thing to do, isn't it? Hey, thanks for your call. Emily, when did you get caught stalking? I got caught when I was talking to a friend of mine from high school. So I hadn't seen her for a few years. Yeah. And I saw on Facebook, she kept on tagging this guy.

So what I did was I looked him up and that was her new boyfriend. And so I was wanting to tell my boyfriend. I'm like, oh, look at my friends. Because he went to school with me and he knows her. Yeah. And basically he, the conversation was still open when I was talking to her. And I accidentally send those screenshots Of her new boyfriend to her

No, that's when you ask a question About Where did he get these pants from? Who does QD? I saved it by saying Is this him? That you were talking about And did you get away with it?

I did, I did. But yeah, her response was, oh, I see someone's been Facebook stalking. So you didn't. No, I went looking for it. I mean, you're living in ignorance. Ladies, if you get a new man on the scene and you don't think all of your friends

are definitely stalking him, that's... Yeah, you know you'd do the same. She hadn't changed her status or anything, but I thought that, yeah, why not? Just have a look on his profile. Nice. Emily, thanks for your call.

Some text messages. I was stalking my friend's ex-fiance on Facebook and I was scrolling on his timeline and I accidentally shared an old happy birthday post from his page to my timeline. Oh, my God. That made me feel sick. Somebody else said my friend was stalking

her new boyfriend's Facebook and accidentally shared his profile picture onto her timeline. It was there for three quarters of an hour. I was frantically trying to get hold of her. No. Oh, no. There was this girl I liked. I was showing my mate.

We were about four years back in the gram. Oh, you're in deep. I showed my friend a photo. He thought double tap was zooming. Oh, no. Because he wasn't a gram user. Double tapped it. I liked a ass pic from 2015.

That's no good. That's like when your mum grabbed the phone. No hands off. That's what I'm saying. It's one hand on the phone. Just one hand. Somebody else said that they took shots of somebody's profile picture, profile on Facebook to send to somebody else

and they accidentally uploaded it as a status. Like, you've got to concentrate, man. You've got a job to do. You have a job to do. FVM, the podcast. FVM. Yeah, we're here. That's all right.

What was happening? Everybody in the studio was just in a state like I was just in a daze. Fleece just went, oh, yeah. I was in a daze, but that's nothing new. But Fleece, everyone was just a mile away. We trust you. I was just thinking about the secret. It's like the pilot.

You're the pilot of the plane and you just snosed off. Yeah, I know. It flies itself. You have to be Tom Hanks all the time. All right and you just snosed off. Yeah, I know. It flies itself. You have to be Tom Hanks all the time. All right, it's time for... Fact of the day, about medieval marriage jewels, or sometimes these would be called... Wedding rings.

No. Oh, I thought you meant jewels. I'm not talking J-E-W-E-L-S. I'm talking D-U-E-L-S. Jewels. Conjugal jewels. Right. Or marriage jewels.

It was when a husband and wife argued to the point where neither would give in. And much like in Game of Thrones, trial by combat, you would select your champion or you would fight for yourself, you know, when the mountain takes on the viper. Yep. Spoiler alert because Caitlin's only on season one. I'm not going to say what happens, but they would get to the point where you could trial by jury

or trial by combat and you would fight. And if you won then, it didn't matter if you were lying, you just won. Yeah, okay. And you got to go free. So this would be between a husband and wife, and they would argue and no clear winner, or no one would refuse, everyone would refuse to back down. They would have a conjugal duel or a marriage duel where they would fight,

physically fight. But because men are physically stronger on average, and especially in medieval times, where they were the hunter-gatherers and the workers and the women were primarily homebound, the man would have to fight from a hole. He would be in a hole up to his waist, and he wasn't allowed to leave the hole,

and he would be armed with a wooden mallet. Was he allowed to throw it at her and knock her out? He could throw it at her, but then he's got no weapon. Now she, on the other hand, was allowed to move around freely within the set ring. And she would have a sock. Traditionally it was a veil,

her wedding veil. She would fill it with stones and use it like a bomb-y knocker. So what's the point of this knock your husband out until he's dead? So yeah, the winner would be if you knock them out or they could no longer fight. Or if you killed them. And you could kill them.

If the woman won, the man would be executed. What? And if the man won, the woman would be buried alive. There was really no winner out of this, was there? Oh, so death is the outcome. Death was the majority of the time the outcome, yes. It was softened in later days as, why not put your differences aside so you can both live?

You must really hate that person. It was sort of like the last step. And was it because their marriage was arranged that they were like, well, the only way out of this is I have to kill her. Or him. Well, they may have chosen,

you know, people that choose to marry people, but then it all goes very south, doesn't it? Very sour. So,

just like that. And like, no divorce or anything. No, well, you'd still have to be married to take part. And you thought

your first divorce was bad. Yeah. Maybe, I actually couldn't find it, but maybe back in the day you weren't allowed a divorce. This is like medieval, so it was like very heavily church run. Maybe divorce wasn't a thing find it, but maybe back in the day you weren't allowed a divorce. This is like medieval, so it was like very heavily church run.

Maybe divorce wasn't a thing. You did just kill your partner. I'm imagining you fighting your first husband and he's in a hole. God, if it would have been up to his head. He was a little fella. He would have just been sitting there and he's like, well, I can't do anything. So he might as well knock my head in with that sock full of rocks. Racket.

But, yeah, so that's really loose. Horrible. Yeah, okay. In later days, there were swords introduced. Oh, wonderful. Yeah, but I mean, I just think fighting out of a hole is a wild disadvantage. Yeah, equal rights.

Same weapons, same footing. No, both of you should be in holes then Then no one's going anywhere, is it? I'd love to see that Who can kill you the quickest? So today's fact of the day is if you couldn't solve your marital disputes in medieval Germany You would enter into a marital duel Where a man's in a hole with a stick

And the woman's got a veil full of rocks Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. So what's about to happen, no one on the show, apart from Caitlin knows, but no one else does, and Fletch, can I say, has been worked into a frenzy. The last time you did this, you were like, Fletch, Flet like, Fletch. It's just great when Fletch doesn't know

what happens. He always assumes the worst. I like to be in control. And that's the sign of a very guilty person. Well, I said it can't be anything to do with me because I haven't done anything. Correct. It's not anything to do with you. You're involved, but loosely by proxy. And Fletch, you're off the hook as well.

Good. Guys, as you know, around here, quite highly regarded. Me. The laugh. This is real tall poppy stuff, okay? Laughing at me. Okay, well, let's see who is highly regarded because were you approached by

Intern Anya to write her a recommendation Letter for an entry for a radio Award No I was not Who's highly regarded now Excuse me You're entering an award And you asked him to write

And not us Speak We laugh You were entering an award and you asked him to write and not us. Speak. We laugh, we laugh, don't we? Well, Vaughn was still here one day and I was collating the information required and I said, Vaughn, would you mind writing? No, because she said absolutely no hurry. So that indicated to me that it was, she waited till you'd left so your feelings weren't hurt. You know I'm eloquent? I'm sincere?

You are. I've got your back. I'm your girl. I've got two backups. Like if this one's a bit of a dud, I can go to you guys. Didn't this also happen when you did your thesis? You asked Vaughn and not us? No, I just asked Caitlin. She asked me, but I couldn't do it. Right. And so I think she went to Caitlin.

Skipped you two entirely. Did you hear when she just called us backups? It's like we're playing hopscotch and you two are the square with the stone do it. Right. So I think she went to Caitlin. Skipped you two entirely. Did you hear when she just called us back up? She called us back up. It's like we're playing hopscotch and you two are the square with the stone in it. We've got to jump over to the next. But anyway, I've ridden one and I just thought I'd run it past you on air. Oh, no. Well, it serves you bloody right, is all I'm going to say.

What is this award for? Best New Broadcaster on air. Taking the most holidays of a millennial ever. This is why you're not asked to write a lovely letter. You're about to hear, there'll be two things, I guarantee. It'll be way too long. It's two pages long, Megan, I can see it. It's literally two pages long.

No, that's only the first two pages. It's three pages long. He'll manage to make it about himself. So let's all buckle up. We don't have time for three pages. To whom it may concern. If you keep wiring on about how you weren't asked. To whom it may concern, I, Vaughan, Alan, Joseph.

Catholic name. I wanted Jesus. Apparently they said no. You're 13. What are you going to do? Take on the Catholic church. He made it about himself at the start. Smith of ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan.

Previously of Fletch and Vaughan. And previously to that, just Vaughan and Megan, previously of Fletch and Vaughan and previously to that just Vaughan. I'm writing to show my full support for Anna Dolores Henvest's attempt to win Best New Broadcaster on air. Yeah. We acquired Anna in 2017 and immediately we knew it had some mineral ore. 2016?

What? How can you enter this then? You're not you anymore. No, I am. No, you're not. This is good. This is why I'm reading it now. I need to make any changes. I've changed that seven to a six.

I made it new with some mineral ore. It was tainted and it was muddied with less valuable minerals, but it was ore and we know our ore. So we let the mining process begin and here we are with some valuable honey commodity two years later, which I believe is the period that one can enter this specific award category. Christ, they're bored already. Having been in this industry since the days where Ian Stables was given another chance,

we've seen our fair share of interns come and go. And I believe Anna has what it takes. She's always willing to throw herself in the line of metaphorical fire with a good self-depreciating yarn. She also brings content to the table from rights in the midst of our target demographic that two of the three hosts are moving ever rapidly

north of. Thank God for the millennial interns. Yeah, not me. That's the thing. Everyone just claims it's not them. Anna also holds her own while reading an hourly news bulletin while also juggling on-air video production of our breakfast show. Sure, Fletch yells at her, but Fletch yells at everybody.

You're not wrong. He's the modern-day Jeremy Corbett. Lovely on the surface, ferocious temper lurking just under that ever-smiling facade. I yelled at Ross before because he gave away the secret sound on the first go.

And he's the boss. He deserved it. She is also very capable of doing solo shifts at the weekend. I know, they grow up so fast. Oh, my God. She has a wonderful work-life balance, and I've heard her show on the rare occasion on a weekend

where I listen to the radio, and I'm taken aback just how tight and bright she keeps it, marking the funky beats, the true star of the music-heavy weekend show. Oh, my God. You're so embarrassing. This is a terrible endorsement, Lady Morn. She was 20 years old when she started with us. She's now a 43-year-old North Shore mother

working for her one child, who she says is her boyfriend, but we've got questions. Working with us is very hazardous to one's youthful vigour, yet she drags her carcass in at 4.30am every weekday to face the music time and time again. She does take a whole lot of holidays, I will say that. Apparently the youth

get four now. Outrageous. And my day was a standard three days a year. I worked extremely hard to earn my school teacher-esque length holidays. And one day I'm sure her work ethic will reflect her holidays. In closing, Anna Petunia Henvest is without a doubt

the best new broadcaster on here that you're looking for. I've briefly scanned the other entries, and I'll tell you that they are an utter waste of your time and objectionable at best, frightfully loathsome, God-awful, lousy, inadequate nonsense. I thesaurused useless, and that was what it gave me. It was pretty good. Also, if she wins, I shall require my name on the certificate

as I am her mentor here at work. I mentor a long list of female employees at NZME. Some male, some female. I don't discriminate. That's not me. Is there an award that I should be

putting myself forward for? Oh my God. If so, please consider this my entry for that award as well. Your time is appreciated. If not,

a little too appreciated. That's just who I am. Yours faithfully, Vaughan. So that's like, that's the winner. You should have asked us. You would have got something professional.

Thanks. Fletch would have been like, she's good. She's alright. She's alright. She turns up. Better than having to train someone new. That's what he'd say. Yeah, exactly.

Thanks, Vaughan. That's alright then. Shall I print that? Yeah. Do you want it emailed as well? Just give it to Anya and she can edit it and print it. Okay. I'll sign it.

Okay. And you just put whatever. Great. That serves you right. That's what I would have just done. Printed a, oh no, you don't have to print a blank page, eh? I just sort of signed it. At the bottom. I would have pressed print anyway just to put the paper through the printer. You've got it, you might

as well. For more, catch them every weekday from 6. Might as well.