ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - January 15 2020

Episode Date: January 14, 2020

Lizzo is on the show! Vaughan smelt something at the gym and Megans' Cafe is haunted.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Hit music. Lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Thanks Ash. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Two minutes past six. Good morning. Good morning. Lizzo's on the show today. What a wonderful mini concert. We went to a showcase last night where she played four songs or five songs? Four songs. Four songs? Four songs. Four songs? Yeah. She's playing at FOMO Festival tonight. Today, yeah.

Yeah, today. Today. I would say if you were umming and ahhing about that. Oh, she's so good. She'd be worth it alone. So good. Oh, I was just thinking about meeting her. You were really.

I was really nervous. I've never seen you like that before. Because I didn't want to make the wrong impression because I really like her and then I was worried I was going to say something stupid and she'd be like, who's this bitch? She actually did it in the interview, so she hated me. I was like, oh.

One of my favourite parts of it. So Lizzo is on the show. I interviewed with her after 8 o'clock this morning. Coming up in the top six, the All Blacks need a new sponsor. AIG, which stands for Internal Aggregated Gravel, which is where you eat stones to help you digest food. AIG.

You said I. Integrated. Yeah. Aggregate. Yeah, that's AIG. It's AIG. It's AIG. Has anyone told them? They've been making a huge... I mean, that's I-A-G. It's A-I-G. It's A-I-G. Has anyone told them?

I mean, it's only plastered across the table. What's I-A-G? It's American Insurance Group. Yeah, it's insurance. Oh, so A-I-G is American Insurance Group. I'm pretty sure that's what it stands for. But there's I-A-G insurance too. Oh, right, okay.

I-A-G New Zealand. Well, they don't sponsor IAG insurance too. Oh, right. Okay. IAG New Zealand. Well, they don't sponsor the All Blacks. Don't give them some... Do you reckon how many people like me have just been assuming they have been? I don't know.

Just everyone that's... AIG. Just lexic. I had no idea what AIG was. Also insurance. It's just there on the jerseys. Yeah, right. Insurance, you need to like

separate. You can't write some different letters. That jersey is just a big black blank space now. It is a big blank, blank space. So it needs a new sponsor. Yeah, but it's got to be with three letters.

Because that's all they've got room for. Does it? Well, because they set up the template in Word. Right, okay, yeah. And so they can only put three letters in there. Can you change the font? Comic Sans. Lovely Comic Sans.

Well, I can get one more letter in there. God, how intimidating would the All Blacks be? If it went with the Comic Sans font, I would actively start supporting another team. Yeah. I enjoy the idea, you know, the haka and the national anthem and then a bath. It's my All Blacks tradition.

Tradition. But I would actively start supporting another country's rugby team if we had any Comic Sans. That's how much you hate Comic Sans. I agree. Just absolute lack of graphic insight. The top six coming up. The top six other sponsors that could sponsor the All Blacks, but only if they've got a three-letter title.

All right. We'll also meet another Bachelorette today on the show just after seven o'clock. Bachelorette contestant. Yeah. Yes. Bachelorette man. Yeah. Who we know.

We know this guy. Yeah. We've worked with him. Interesting. Yeah. It's Fletch. Is it? Surprise.

You're our wildcard. I'm the ZM wildcard now, am I? Yeah. Real wildcard. Flet ZM wildcard now, am I? Real wildcard Flesh, Vaughan and Megan The podcast, ZM Benny on ZM She's a national treasure, isn't she? She's great

She is lovely Love that song She's a national valued item She's not a treasure yet You can't say she's a treasure Why? Is she too new to be a treasure? She's too new, you've got to be a treasure? She's too new.

You've got to earn the treasure. Right. It's like she's working her way up to being Sir. Right. Lord. Lady. Okay. Benny.

Dame Benny. Dame Benny. And at the moment she's got an MBE. Right. You can't say national treasure because what's higher than a national treasure? She's a. Icon. National item of significance.

Oh. Oh my God. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. I just don't want Benny to think she's done it. She's knocked it off, so now she can rest on her laurels. Yeah, right. I'm dangling the carrot in front of the donkey. Yeah, good. Okay, we've just called Benny a donkey.

Benny is now a national donkey treasure. Right. And she's pulling the cart. Yeah, good. Tell her that if we let her have the carrot, she won't do any more music. Yeah, fair call. Okay. Story time.

Three news headlines. And Vaughn and Megan must pick only one headline. Headline one, you've got to be kidding me. Kidding. Cute. You've got to be kidding me. Headline two, surprise after Amazon order. And headline three, man ignores for animal use only warning.

Hmm. Those are your three headlines today. I'd have any of those. Are they all animal related? No. Oh, it's the middle one? Story two is not animal related. You've got to be kidding me.

I think I won that one. Or that one. Have you forgotten what the other stories are? A little bit. You can see this vague look on your face like, what was the other one?

Yeah, headline three was man ignores for animal use only warnings or surprise after Amazon order or you've got to be kidding me. Did he eat dog food or cat food? No, absolutely not.

Because you know that says not for human consumption. Only for animal use. Yeah. Drugs? Did he eat dog food or cat food? No, absolutely not. Because, you know, that's not for human consumption. Yeah. Only for animal use. Yeah. Drugs? Like, did he get stuck into some horse tracks? Like flea treatment? No.

Collar? Do you want that one? Collar? Leash and collar? No. Harness? No. Oh, we have to have that one now.

Yeah, what did he ignore? Yeah, there it is. Okay. Well, we go now to the UK where a man spent... Hang on, it's a UK website, EU. I accept the cookies. Every time. Every time, EU websites.

A man has spent three days in hospital with an agonising erection after taking Viagra designed for bulls. The man who has not been identified bought the stimulant in a Mexican. Stimulant. The stimulant. What did I say? Stimulant. And I don't know why. Stimulant.

Stimulant. Stimulant. Sounds like when you wash your singlet in something and it makes it starchy and hard. He bought the stimulant, Bull Viagra, in Mexico. And he took it after arranging to meet a 30-year-old woman. But I don't know if he got that far

because he couldn't get it down. He couldn't get it down. Three days, boy. Oh, I thought you meant he couldn't get the pill down. No. He couldn't get his penis down. Three days more. Oh, I thought you meant he couldn't get the pill down. No. He couldn't get his penis down. Obviously, farmers use this because in the breeding process

they've got a lot to do. They've got a lot to do. The bulls. The bulls have got a lot of heifers to service. But also, they're way bigger and their metabolism would be pumping. There is a man in the hospital and his groin's been pixelated. Oh, those are his knees.

Those are his knees, yeah. So is that a... Well, it's pixelated, but I don't know. I thought it looked like a very tiny, very small penis. Well, yeah, I don't know if... But the pixelation might be to blame. But it doesn't change the size of it. No, it doesn't.

It just makes it... Necessarily. It's performing at its best. No, it doesn't. It just makes it. Necessarily. No, but it's performing at its best. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Because sometimes you'll get one and it's not. It's not 100%. It's like a 75%. And there's room to expand. Yeah, right. Okay.

It will do the job. Yeah. Not like super well, but it'll do the job. You know, you've had a few too many Bacardi breezes and you're there and you're enjoying it, but it's not playing the video game on hard, if you know what I mean. It's like you've opted for an easier medium. There's a, I don't know, this is like a study that's been done across 132 countries.

And it's to measure the relationship between well-being, happiness and age. So your general... Oh wait, you said I've got seven years left of what? Happiness? Oh shit. Well, no, you're on a real downhill until you're most miserable. You should start having some. Having some what? Happiness.

Well, I'm trying. I'll try, mate. I'll try. So every country has a happiness curve, which is U-shaped. Oh, yeah. So I guess when you're young, you're peak happy. Well, yeah, because you're... La, la, la, no tax.

You don't have to go to the toilet. Someone changes your nappy for you. Yeah. You get spoon fed. That's happiness. Yeah. Like, you're not having to do anything. And it's...

Like, Pharrell's song, Happy, still makes you happy, even though everybody else is like, ugh. And then, yeah, as you get, like, older, it goes back up again. Right. The bottom of the U, the age they've concluded for the developed world, the bottom of the U is 47.2 years old. No, but then to me, that tells me that it's that you've done and now you're going back up again.

Yeah, then you're going, it's all happy. After 47. Yeah. So to me, 47. He's still on the downhill. I know, we're all on the downhill though. Trajectory. He's closest to going back up.

Yes, I'm going to be... That's something to look forward to. You should be happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, I'm not unhappy now, so... You haven't got to the lowest point yet. Is that when I'm going to have a midlife crisis and buy, like, a red sports car?

MX5. Oh, I should have sold you mine. You could have had that. I mean... You do look super cute in that too. Thank you. For the developing nations, it's 48.2, so a year later. Right.

But still very similar. What's the age expectancy in developing nations? Like there's some nations where the age expectancy wouldn't be over 48. That's why they're happy. They're dead. Like finally. They're like, oh, I don't need to pay all my bills this week. Yes.

Good. I have to stop worrying about everything. Yeah. Sweet relief of death. Oh, my gosh. I'd imagine there's an age where you just, what? They write your student loan off when you die. Do they?

On the upside, yeah, they do. They don't write off all debts. Do they write off your mortgage? Nah, I don't think someone else has to sort that out. Okay, what if you died, no children, mortgage, no one, no... You're not getting my money. No, no, no. Is this what you're trying to do?

No, no, no. I'm saying you die with a mortgage, with a big mortgage. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who would say that? No, I'm not saying you. This is completely hypothetical. But you've got nobody to inherit the property and take over your mortgage. Well, I don't know.

Who gets that? I haven't thought about it. That's not a deceased estate. I don't know how it works. The two co-hosts that deal with you every day. Maybe that's a good option. Can you write us in your will? Just in case.

Well, what do I get out of you? Well, nothing because you'll probably die first. Because I'm closest to the end of the curve. Oh, great. And I'm a female. There's got to be some benefits in being female. It comes when we last longer. You live longer, yeah. We live longer. We don't have as much money, but we live longer.

Poor an-hole. You don't get nominated for Best Director at the Oscars either. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Well, the headlines read, All Blacks lose major sponsor. All Blacks on the market for new major sponsor after insurer AIG calls time.

And AIG refuses to renew sponsorship with New Zealand Rugby. And a stock image of a man saying, no, no. They had like all black photos of the jersey with AIG on it and this guy's just like, no. I don't want to give you any more money anymore. No, no more. No more money, you rugby boy. Do they say how much they spend on sponsorship?

Because it would be millions and millions of dollars, right? Okay, so it signed a six-year renewal in 2016 with the agreement amounting to 10 million US, 10 to 20 million US dollars a year. It was reported to be the second largest following a multi-year contract with Adidas, which is set to end in 2021. Oh, wow.

Okay. Oh, shh. That's crazy. That's your money. It is the main thing on the jerseys. Yeah, that's true. And I mean, I knew it, but Vaughn didn't, so maybe it's not worth it.

Well, I knew that it said AIG. I didn't know what it was. I knew that there were three letters, and I knew that the letters were AIG, but I didn't know in what order. Because I-A-G is also, this is probably why they've given up sponsorship. Yeah.

People just getting confused with their competitor anyway. Yeah. So they just thought to let it go. But the new deal is you can sponsor the All Blacks, but you've got to have only three letters because they've just got the template set up in their graphic design. Three.

And they can just change. Okay, three letters. The letters. So the top six All Black to have only three letters because they've just got the template set up in their graphic design. Three. And they can just change. Okay, three letters. The letters. So the top six All Black sponsors with three letters are six, ABC. Not the American Broadcasting Corporation. The actual alphabet. Oh, okay. Does it need new marketing?

It's always out there trying to promote itself. Yeah. Trying to get more people to know it. It's the essential structure of, you know, spoken language. Or when they travel. Trying to get more people to know it. It's the essential structure of spoken language. Or when they travel, they can get more people learning English. And also super handy for those concussions when you forget what order it goes in.

What are the leaders on New Jersey? Yeah. What comes next? I don't know. They're upside down. Or can't see the upside down. C, B, A. I don't know what comes before

A. Number five on the list of the top six all black sponsors with three letters are H&M. Oh, okay. I know the and is in a letter technically, but it is an ampersand. Yeah. So you could put that in. Also, you know, save on after

match suits. Yeah. Get some cheap suits from H&M. H&M, yeah. And a good variety as well. They've done the homewares too. Always be black. What? H&M home. Yeah, H&M home.

H&M have home. Yeah. Is that what the H&Ms will? And lingerie. Undies. Oh my God, one-order, one-stop shop. Yeah.

Stop in for... I mean, the All Blacks want to wear frilly jeans under their whole wiener. Say no. What kind ofs want to wear frilly jeans under their... Yeah. ...weeder, so no. What kind of homewares do they have? Concrete vases.

Yes. Painted copper, half-painted white with a strip of concrete. Exactly. Yes. That. I think I have definitely seen one of those, yeah. One-stop shop for a concrete pot, frilly knickers and an All Blacks jersey. Yeah.

Yeah. What a great idea. Great combo to me. Number four on the list of the top six All Blacks sponsors with three letters, the BBC. But not the British Broadcasting Corporation, the Big Black Chickens. Okay, right.

Which is a company, an upcoming company. They only deal in black chickens and big ones. Okay, right. Good. Number three on the list of the top six all-access responses with three letters. That's really tickled Megan, that one. What, a big black chicken? Tickled her.

I've heard she's into it. Number three on the list of the top six all-access responses with three letters. No, they go... Pears. You know, the little, Pez. You know, the little lollies. The little lollies that come with the cartoon characters head on top. Of course, it's German for peppermints,

which is German for peppermints, and then the first letter, the last letter, and the one in the middle. Pez, yeah, good idea. Yeah. No matter how many pears you've got when you're at the supermarket,

your kids are always like, I want one of those. It's the cartoon heads that get them. Yeah, it is. But they'd be good for a halftime snack too. For the breath

and the scrum. For the breath and the scrum. That's a great idea. You'd be out of a sugar crash before the end of the second half. Depends how many you eat.

I like to tell them you're only allowed two. Do they have a laxative effect like chewing gum? Unsure. They should check that out. Uns only allowed two. Do they have a laxative effect like chewing gum? Unsure. They should check that out. I'm sure, yeah. You don't want to shit in your H&M.

Especially if you've got one of those frilly Gs on a little go all around it. Number two on the list of the top six All Black sponsors with three letters are THC. If the legalisation of cannabis goes through, there might be some, they'll definitely have the money. Yeah, right. There'll be some money floating around and maybe THC could sponsor the All Blacks. Yeah.

And number one on the list of the top six All Black sponsors with three leaders, of course, you couldn't go past KFC. Oh, yeah. Easy. Yeah. Half-time snack. But then your hands would be all slippery. You'd need some of those lemon refresher towels.

When they come back on after half-time, You need some of those lemon refresher towels. When they come back on after halftime, they're all rubbing a lemon refresher towel between their hands to get the grease off before they get back there because you need your grip to hold the ball. Of course. Yeah, obviously. That is today's top six.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Well, it's that time of year where a lot of rentals Are in hot demand Flatting Because I guess everyone's moving For like new jobs Uni that kind of thing

Even you just saying that Gives me I'm like I know because you When you It's hard man When you look for your place That you're in now

You were looking for ages Yeah I ended up having to like You just need to have A personal conversation With like a With the actual landlord You know Because you always have to go through the renters and fill out forms and there's 60 other people there.

It's so hard. Why doesn't everybody just buy a house? Well, so that is what the story talks about in America, especially same problems as here. Like, you know, housing is very expensive. Yeah. And a lot of over 65s have, you know, these giant houses and maybe some of them are widows.

Their kids have moved out, so they've got these giant... Empty nesters. Empty nesters is what they're called, yeah. So there is a program called Odd Couples Housing in America that looks to match empty nesters, over 65s, with millennials and younger people. Now, in some cases, maybe they share the chores or they're there because the over 65

might need some help. Or they just want someone to live with them because they're lonely. But they're paying rent though, right? Yeah, they're still paying rent. That's kind of cute. How do we feel about this? Well, you'd still have to meet up with them and chat and make sure you had good chat.

Yeah. But good, right? Because when you don't mix with people in different circles, it might be different age in this case, but it might be different gender or it might be different racial backgrounds. Yeah. You fail

to sort of identify with how they live life and how life affects them. So it'd be good. Because it's something you're not familiar with. It's good for your empathy. Yeah. So it's got to be good, right?

Because there's this horrendous divide between Bermas and millennials. Yeah. So surely if there's a little bit of a crossover and you can actually appreciate the positive stuff, not just the constant negative that the media loves telling you about, about different age groups. It's going to be good. Well, I would just love to hit the jackpot with like our over 65

who would treat you like their son or daughter that's come home. And make your bed and do your washing. Yes, imagine that. And then be like, oh, do you want to come to this work do? I'll be like, I have to check with my mum. And she's like, no. And you're like, sorry, I can't, come to this work do. I'll be like, I have to check with my mum. And she's like, no. And you're like, sorry, I can't. Flatmate mum won't let me.

And you're like, yes, great excuse to not come around. Great excuse to get out of things. It's fantastic. Yeah, right. I think that's kind of cute. As long as you found the right person. There's skills that cross over. Yeah, that's true.

You know, like if the Wi-Fi goes down. You step up. Sort that out. No, could you imagine all the questions, all the tech questions? But then the trade-off is they teach you

how to do laundry nice and other things. Never get it as white. Never get it as white or as nice and smelling and everything is... Yeah. I don't even think

my mum does laundry as well as my nana did. Yeah. Generationally. Yeah, right. I think we're losing laundry as well as my nana did. Yeah. Generationally. Yeah, right. I think we're losing it when it comes to a good laundry. Oh, God, Rita did a good laundry. Jeez Louise.

Do you do a good laundry? I do a good laundry. Right. Because I'm very, I separate everything. Not your wife though. She doesn't though, does she? When we got home from holiday, we just had this massive pile of washing. I was like, I can't be bothered doing it.

And I was like, I'll do it. Okay. So then I did a wash. I just did a wash that was just socks and undies. Oh, okay. Hot. Hot. Hot wash.

Hot wash. Because you've got to get rid of those tropical. You shrink your socks, don't you? No, you don't shrink your socks. Shrink your undies? No, you don't shrink your undies. And then a line dry. Yeah, I'm all about a line dry.

A hot wash and a line dry. Well, you don't use the dryer. It's fabric suicide. Hot, I'm all about a line dry. A hot wash and a line dry. We don't use the dryer. It's fabric suicide. Oh, I know. Remember that. No, that'll shrink around these. Yeah. Then I did a wash that was just primarily T-shirts.

Are we going to go through all your loads? It's riveting. I did a white T-shirt load and then an everything else T-shirt load. Oh, my God. And granted, I do do a lot more loads, but because there's less in there, I don't put else t-shirt load. Oh my God. And I do, granted, I do do a lot more loads but because there's less in there I don't put the water level

as high. Oh yeah. And then I did the heavy denims. Right. I don't get those. Is there a light denims wash? No. Well.

Because you said heavy denims. Just the denims. Just the denims, right. Why were you taking denims away to a tropical island? No, like shorts. Oh, right. The jeans you wear denims away to a tropical island? No, like shorts. Oh, right, okay. The jeans you wear to the plane.

Yeah, okay. Before you're on the plane, you're like, man, these are hot. I need to change into some shorts. Okay, yeah. You change into the shorts. The real monsters are the people that put towels in with their washing. Oh, we can't be friends. What's wrong with you?

You monster. That's so bad. Yeah. Isn't it? Like you're actually offended, aren't you? It's so bad. And then they'll just chuck it all in the dryer, willy nilly. Yeah. Isn't it? Like you're actually offended, aren't you? It's so bad. And then they'll just chuck it all in the dryer, willy nilly.

Yeah. I can understand putting a cotton towel in the dryer for a fluff. Yeah. Like at the end of it. Yeah, totally. Just before you chuck it back in that water cupboard, hot for like two minutes, just a bit of a,

or when you first get them. But again, if you live with an over 65, you wouldn't have to worry about all of this. Yeah. Or they could teach you this. Yeah. So that it's not a lost art.

Yeah. Fletchvorna Megan, the podcast, ZM. I know these have been available in other parts of the world. I remember reading it was at San Francisco that rolled them out. Right. And like tripled overnight the revenue they collected from parking tickets. Well, Auckland Transport has invested in some camera cars and they've got licence plate recognition cameras.

However, that's not all the... Sorry, go on. Is it the place in Australia where they just park the car up on the side of the road and it just scans all the cars? And if it's like, boop, stolen, they'll, whoop, spin around and get them. Or you've got unpaid fines or something.

Yeah, and they'll pull you over and they can, yeah, it's nuts. It's scary big brother stuff like Black Mirror. That's not all they're going to be able to do. The cameras will also catch so they can drive around. Yeah. And you know those areas that are like residence

parking zone only. Oh yeah. Areas that often people park in and then catch a bus to the city or walk to work. And if your number plate isn't one of the registered residents' cars, it's going to be able to issue you a fine.

Another thing it can do is it's got a GPS so it drives past your car, scans the plate, drops a pin, takes a photo of your car's wheels to identify where the air valve is. What? Drops a pin Yep Takes a photo Of your car's wheels To identify

Where the air valve is What? So if you leave And then come back No if you don't move And then they drive past Again 60 minutes later

And the air valve's Still in the same spot Ticket And you can't be like I went and came back Yeah yeah Because what are the chances Of the air valve being

In exactly the same spot I'd just park And put rubbish bags over my wheels. Or you'd just reverse a little bit, come back, reverse a little bit. Yeah, but then you'd have to come back every hour and change your tyre position. Roll a little bit. Yeah, but people who are working will do that to avoid paying for parking. If you can park outside your work in a 60-minute zone so you can just casually be late.

Just move your tyres a bit any time. Barb's is like, I'm popping out for a dairy. People are like, I'll come with you Barb. No, I've got to roll my car three inches forward so that my wheel valve technology doesn't recognise I've been in the same spot literally all day. Because I read a story, what, last week

councils around the country, there was Queenstown, were using just their security cameras in town just to like catch out parkers and stuff. Doing it in like places like Tauranga. Right. Yeah, all over. Just security cameras?

Yeah, just like the town security. That's just kind of like, you can claim that that's not an officially recognised fine delivery. Here's the story here. Tauranga City Council owns 424 cameras, 55 specifically focused on parking.

Ugh. Yeah. Crazy. Christchurch City Council owns 150 cameras, but only police can access those, so you can park away willy-nilly. Right. Because the police aren't in charge of the parking, it's the council. And Dunedin and Wellington City Councils do not issue parking tickets

based on security camera footage either. It's not fair. Why is parking so spinny? Because it's an easy way for them to make money. Yeah, it's not fair. Oh, you're talking about private car parking? No, like when you get to work. People need places to park

because they've got to go to work. Yeah, but like parking on the street, that's council stuff. But parking in like proper car park buildings is... You watching an ad there, mate? That needs to be addressed. What? Stuff in their autoplay stories. Oh, yeah.

Oh, God, that's annoying. Oh! You load it and then you walk away and then you hear... I didn't choose for this to auto load. An autoplay. Very annoying. Fletchvorner Megan, the podcast ZM. Turn that on.

Good start. Producer James, he's a little bit of a, he moves in the shadows of social media. He's the dark horse. He is, yeah. And there's not a lot of content. He's only got a couple of weeks left with us. If you miss the news at Christmas. It's not lack of content, though,

because I'm always like, James, put that on Instagram. That's a good photo. And he's like, oh, yeah. He promises me every holidays he'll put up a boomerang because he'll do a boomerang around there. But there was no rang with these holidays.

No, I was limited reception these holidays. No one calls it a rang. Lots of people call it a rang. No, they don't. They don't. Lots of people do. They call it a boomy. They don't call it a rang.

If you want to see James, well, you know, for close friends, you follow his girlfriend because she'll keep you up to date with what they're doing. Yeah. Now, it's on his girlfriend

Chanel's social channels that I've recently seen that you have acquired two ducks. Yes. Are you going to be more active when you go into your new role as a social media manager? Or are you going to be in this new role as a social media manager for this company? No one's going to hear from Auckland Rugby.

We're going off the grid. That's it. I'll have another channel to keep up with. So I'll have absolutely no time for my own one. Okay, right. Yeah. These ducks. Yeah.

Ducklings. What's the deal? Ducklings. So we live with my partner's sister and her partner. So they were out at their parents' house. We're out in the country. Yeah. And they heard a whole bunch of commotion going on outside

and went out to see five ducklings basically getting cornered by a bird over top. A hawk. A hawk. Oh, okay. Maybe the New Zealand family. And then they were in a pond, so like eels were coming from the bottom too.

Oh, I've seen that happen. I've seen that happen. How ruthless is an eel eating a duckling? I know. Do they just come up underneath? And you just see the duckling go under the water. Just like on jaws. It's ruthless.

So the mum was nowhere in sight. It was just five ducklings basically battling it out. That's shit, mums. They look all cute because they're always leading a parade of ducklings basically battling it out. They look all cute because they're always leading a parade of ducklings but they'll just carry on. Are they at the casino? Where is she? She's at the late casino.

Well, she's left the kids in the car park. You see what I've done here, James? You're like, what? Ducks go to a casino? Yeah, I was like, what? Maybe to be eaten. Part of the buffet. You're like, what, ducks go to a casino? Yeah, I was like, well, she doesn't live at a casino. Maybe to be eaten.

Yeah. Part of the buffet. So they quickly run inside and grab a broom and run out there to basically try and battle these eels and everything away from the ducklings to save them. They've broken the cardinal rule of being a BBC cameraman there. They've interfered with nature. Yeah, they have.

Exactly. So they got out there. I think by the end of it, the rescue effort, I think they got two ducklings out of five. Oh, my God. That's a 40% success rate. Apparently, these eels were tunnel vision. They were getting hit by a broom, but they did not hold back.

Because really? They were going in. What end of the broom? Not the brush end. I would have used the brush end because there's more chance of hitting the eel. a broom but they did not hold back because really they were going in what end of the brain uh not the not the brush end i'm gonna use the brush end because you would have more chance of having wider wider i would have sacrificed a wet brush for a day or two i don't think they want to sacrifice a wet brush how annoying is it getting a wet broom oh we are doing a bit of a sweep and you don't see a puddle and you go through through, and you're like, that's not going to dry. So two ducklings were saved.

Yep. They've ended up at our house in a box. I don't know if, yeah, in a vacuum cleaner box. We've got a bit of hay in there. We've got a- What do you feed ducklings? Like little bits of like broccoliccoli or something In water You can Yeah

Almost like chicken food You can feed them Oh okay I would have raised them On a poultry So we've found some hay We've put it in a box We've got a

Take away curry container Which we've Turned into a little bit Of a pond for them Oh my So that's in the box Take away curry container So it's orange

No It's got an orange It's been to the dishwasher So it's a little bit A little bit tilted So it's orange. No. It's got an orange stain. It's been through the dishwasher, so it's a little bit tilted. So it's warped? Yeah, it's warped. But better than stained orange. You don't want your duck smelling like a Rogan Josh.

And now we have two pet ducklings until they're big enough that we can release them back into the pond and be able to fend for themselves. Right. Have you named them? No, not yet. We're open to names, though. Okay.

The only reason we haven't come up with a name is because a lot of people have come up with a whole lot of different names. But we're open to more suggestions. Nothing stuck yet. You wouldn't go Hugh and Louis because you need three. No, remind them of their lost brother. Yeah, be a real smack in the face. But loud ducklings for how small they are.

Really? Very loud. You've gotlings for how small they are. Really? Very loud. You've got ducks in your house, James. Of course they're loud. And yeah, obviously not toilet trains, so duck poo everywhere. In the garage or like in a spare room? Just in the lounge. Oh, Jesus.

They're sitting on the carpet. Just put them in the... On the floor. Just take them, find a mum with ducklings and give them to her. No, she won't have it. They don't do adoption. No, she won't have it. They don't do adoption. No, because apparently they learnt the hard way is that when you pick them up, right,

your smell is transferred onto them and then as soon as their mum senses that, they're like, get out of here. We don't want your hands. Well, can't you rub them on another mum? That's how you do it with like lambs. If you want a sheep to adopt a lamb, you've got to really smash it all over the water. Yeah, we would. I don't know if you've ever tried to go and pick a duck up from a park or a pond.

They don't come running over to you too much. It's true. They'll come for the bread. Do Western Springs. They come to you at Western Springs. No, but don't put them there because of all the eels. Yeah, no. Jesus.

Don't put them on Western Springs. Those are the most annoying birds in the country. We don't want them to be Western Springs ducks. We want them to be, you know, a bit more effluent than that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Affluent or effluent? You said effluent. What means poos and affluent?

That means Western Springs. Which ones watch? Is it effluent? Effluent's poos, affluent's well-to-do. I want them to be affluent. Okay, so a park in Remywerara or a golf course in Remers? A flash pond, yeah. Yeah.

St. John's golf course. Golf course. Golf course pond would be good. That'd be lovely. All right. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast, ZM. The Bachelorette is coming. We're a couple of weeks away.

Starts the 27th of January, TVNZ2. Five new guys were announced last night, and we are talking to one of them right now. Jesse, good morning. Good morning. How are we? Good. I'm giggling because we know Jesse. We do. In fact, you worked here for many years and now live in Canada.

Yeah, yeah, it's been a while. Good to hear your voices. I did wonder why you were back here for a few weeks. Yeah, I tried to keep it as low-key as possible, but just came home for a little bit of a holiday and started extending that holiday, basically. And, yeah, trying keeping it down low, but it's pretty hard in little old New Zealand.

You come back to see your mum, you're like, Mum, I can't actually see you. I've come back to see the family. I'm here, but I'm not here. Yeah, I'm here, but I've got something else on. So thanks for paying for my ticket time. That'm here, but I'm not here. Yeah, I'm here, but I've got something else on. So thanks for paying for my ticket time. That was great, but I won't be here. So what can you tell us about the filming of The Bachelorette?

Was there any scandal? Were you involved? Did you kiss anyone? Yeah, definitely a few. I can't really say too much. They've got me on a bit of a tight leash. But yeah, there's definitely a few kisses from my behalf. A few tears, a few happy faces, a few sad faces,

a few angry faces. But yeah, I don't know. It was definitely eventful, that's for sure. Did you get on with all of the other contestants or was there some you were just like, you are a dick? Yeah, I mean, there was definitely a real diverse mix of boys. Yeah, you got the, I mean, I don't know how I'm going to come across either,

but you got the real hopeless romantics, then you've got the cocky, arrogant boys, then you've got the guys that don't say much. It was, yeah, it was pretty interesting, but I kind of go along with everyone, try to anyways. Yeah, it was a really good group of boys overall. What category do you fit into, Jesse, out of those? Well, I got categorised

into a group that I didn't want to be categorised into. You guys will see. Was it Duck Boy, Jesse? Because we used to actually talk to you on air in a segment called Duck Boy. We were trying to get into the inner workings of the mind of the duck boy. Yeah. Is that sort of the group that you're put into there?

Something along the lines of maybe. Oh, that's not like you. It is. It's very much unfair. So at least you'll be in Canada when this airs in a couple of weeks. So, I mean, you know, if there's... Yeah, I'm kind of lucky in that respect. I can kind of stay away from it all.

I am going to be coming home soon for stuff to do with the show. Like a relationship or something. Well, I don't know. I don't know. I will be coming home, though. Is she moving to Canada to work at the ski fields, too? Um, well... She's a qualified doctor.

I don't know if they just throw it all in to go and party and whistler and drink $6 Long Island iced teas at underground bars in minus 20 degrees. Nah, she's great, though. She was really awesome. The whole thing was really cool. But, yeah, I've got to admit, like, after watching previous seasons of, like, The Bachelor,

girls kind of talk behind each other's backs and don't really confront each other. But guys, guys, they do like to confront each other, that's for sure. Oh, yeah, excited. This is going to be good. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Now, I did mention there's bad news for big-breasted women. We are specifically talking about women with F-cup boobs.

Right. And larger. No. A lot of people do complain from sore backs, but that's not what this is related to. So women with F-cup boobs and bigger are more prone to colds, coughs and flus that last for an average of eight to three days. So they're more prone to them and they last longer.

Why? Why? Weight on the... So maybe that's what I thought. Like pressure on your chest made it hard for your chest to work out? I don't know. But the scientists are saying it's more to do with the fat in the boobs. It weakens the immune system

because the fat cells create leptin. It's a hormone which affects the... Leptin's also the thing that makes jam set. No, that's pectin. Pectin. So nothing at all to do with boobs. I've been thinking about making some plum jams I've been getting back

into a jam state of mind What does it release? Leptin Leptin which is a hormone and that affects the immune system So I think that's the reason and obviously

the bigger the boobs the more leptin you produce which can affect the immune system even more Does that mean if you got a boob reduction Sarah's question It would help

That would help? Yeah. Okay. I'm sure it would. But just remember that if you're someone who has F-sized boobs and larger. Well, you could just copy and paste this study and send it to work. Yeah. I'd just get a couple of weeks off willy-nilly even if I wasn't sick.

Or if you have a partner, a male partner who claims that they've got man flu real bad. He might have F-sized boobs though. If you're a guy, how do you find out if you've got F-sized boobs? Well, I don't know if you're... You go to bras and things for a fit. This is a little uncouth. You're like, tell me.

Give it to me straight. I've got the flu. Yeah. I don't know if men's boobs release leptin, the same hormone. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know how. Okay. Yeah.

But apparently. No, everybody produces leptin, Megan. Oh, really? Okay. It's predominantly made in the small intestine. It helps to regulate energy balance by inhibiting hunger. God, I could do some more. Which in turn diminishes fat storage and apicetes,

which I believe is the Greek god of yum food. Pretty much, yeah. I need to talk about some advertising that I've had, some targeted advertising. What did you get? It's not like Wish or anything like that. I've been, I had a conversation and it covered three things

and about three messages in the next day. All three things were targeted advertising to me. They're listening. They say they're not. Are they what? This was written on the phone though

in WhatsApp and you know how WhatsApp's owned by Facebook. Yeah. Oh, right. So that was a shortcut but all three things were targeted to you the next day.

All three things were targeted to me. I think I got this targeted because I clicked a story about it because I was like, obviously looking for stories for things to talk about. And this kind of popped up and I was like, I didn't know this was a thing. And then I've been targeted it. Right. Unbelievable. It is for a digital fat scanner.

Like, hey, do you want to buy this fat scanner fatty? I don't get it. That wouldn't last. So it's just a handheld device, right? And you put it over different parts of your body in it. So this is what it's described as. The Bello digital fat scanner lets you measure it, it, fat, right at the source.

It uses discrete multi-wavelengths near infrared spectroscopy. Spectroscopy. This sounds like someone's just made up the description. Yeah, it does, doesn't it? So it scans the area for accurate belly fat analysis, measuring both subcutaneous fat, the kind that you can pinch, and the far more dangerous hidden visceral fat. Visceral fat, yeah. And so every day you scan your, it's like that you can pinch, and the far more dangerous hidden visceral fat. Visceral fat, yeah.

And so every day you scan your, it's like when you're pregnant, what's that thing? The ultrasound. It's like, yeah, you just put it over your belly like an ultrasound and then it goes to your app every day and it'll tell you if you're fatter than yesterday. Why do you need that? That's terrible. They would get chucked across the room if it was like one day in. Yeah, especially on a Monday.

You might do real good all week and then have a blowout at the weekend and then use the belly fat scanner on. Plus like, I'm aware. Yeah, that's why. Who needs a scanner? Yeah. And what does it say?

Like how much? Is it like three centimetres to? Yeah. It doesn't give the... Does it just say fat? It just says fat High, low This costs 200 American US dollars

What? So that's like Just ask your Nana They're always pretty brutal About this Oh my god How many people went home At Christmas

And Nan or Mum Were like You're fat Yeah Oh Jeez Well that didn't happen to me But I'm just saying

That people's grandparents Can be ruthless Or just parents Yeah Family You should have Like grandparents Jeez. Well, that didn't happen to me, but I'm just saying that people's grandparents can be ruthless. Or just parents. Yeah. Family. You should have, like, grandparents or nannies should be PTs. That's good motivation. No, because then after the PT session, they'll make you leave with a cookie in each hand.

Oh, take one for each hand. Take some baking. The real enabler types. Yeah. So here's a question I want to ask. What have you been targeted advertised? And it's kind of, you've just been like, oh, ouch. Ouch.

Ouch. Or you've just gone like, weird. Because that's the thing with targeted advertising is, it's based on what you're searching and your age group and everything like that. Yeah. And sometimes it knows you better than you know it. Yes. You know yourself.

Mine's just always clothes and shoes, like, because that's all I'm ever searching. Or you Google something out of interest or curiosity. You don't even want to buy it. Maybe you just want to know something, and then you get targeted that all the time. Yeah. That's annoying.

Yeah. Like those shoes Vaughn wanted, I got those targeted to me for ages. Because you didn't buy them. No, I didn't. Because I found when you get targeted, No, but even when I've bought stuff, Really?

Even when I've bought stuff, they still advertise other sites stuff to you. But I don't know, but maybe like the body fat scanner, has anyone had some targeted advertising and you've just like, you've gone, ouch. Or that's weird.

Yeah. Like why is this being advertised to me? Yeah, why am I getting this? Give us a call if this has ever happened to you. I was targeted, advertised to a digital fat scanner for your belly. Rude. Talking about those things that you have been advertised to.

Targeted to. Targeted. Sam, this happened to you. Yeah, so I was just scrolling through my Facebook, you know, living my life, and the blackhead suckers just kept coming up on my Facebook page. And had you searched at all for blackhead suckers? Or anything to do with acne? No, no skincare, no nothing.

So I think, is it watching me through my camera? Like, is it trying to tell me something? I don't know. You don't watch Dr Pimple Popper or anything on YouTube do you no

did you ever say did you ever say out loud oh god I've got a pimple no I mean I don't really get pimples

I do have like blackheads though so I think it's just watching me it's got your camera it knows but then you're not the only person

that's saying about the camera thing because somebody said I started dating a bald man and when I uploaded photos of us together on a social media, I started receiving targeted advertising for your partner's hair regrowth products.

Rude! They might like a bald man. Sam, thanks for your call. Lucy, what were you targeted advertised to? So I was overseas and doing long distance with a boyfriend and then we broke up. And I was sending some pretty desperate emails

and the targeted ads next to my Gmail account was win him back. Oh, wow. So you think there was... Some reading. Scanning the words you were using? Yeah. Wow. It wasn't probably too hard to get the content of the emails.

They were pretty clear. Right. And did you want to win them back? At the time, yes, but I'm actually quite glad I didn't click the link. Oh, wow. That's amazing. So it knew that you did as well. It's reading your emails.

It really is. Lucy, thanks for your call. Some text messages. I joined a gym, and as soon as I got the gym's app on my phone, I started getting ads about these butt-munching tights all over my Instagram and Facebook. They're apparently great for workouts. I wondered where that was going for a second.

Yeah. I was on Trade Me, and I got targeted with the five best herbs to improve urinary flow. Oh, okay. No idea why, but I got targeted with the five best herbs to improve urinary flow. Oh, okay. No idea why, but I got curious. The worst mistake ever is all I get now is ads for urinary based problems like adult nappies.

Oh, no. Discrete nappies. Can you go on and clear your history or something? Does that work? Does that stop the ads? I don't know. I don't know. Somebody said that they were,

they looked, a deodorant ad. Oh yeah. And for the next two weeks, all they got was targeted advertising saying things like, wet pits, we've got you.

I heard a word and I didn't know what it meant so I googled it and it turned out to be a type of fake teeth that you can get. Oh yeah. Compos get. Oh, yeah.

Composite. Maybe. Yeah. And they said just for the next few months, all I got was weird ads for white teeth whitening. Everything was teeth related. I even got Wish trying to sell me a new set of teeth for $1. Oh, a whole set.

What a bargain. That would have been perfect. Yeah. You can just take them into your dentist and the dentist puts them in. Yeah. Why bother? Just get a hot glue gun, run a bead around it and stick them straight in. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM.

I need someone to help me. Right. I've got a curse or a spirit or a ghost or something in the cafe. Two cynical people who don't believe in such nonsense will certainly help you. So we closed over the Christmas break. Yep. Turned off all the lights, emptied the fridges, shut those off. Okay.

Did you think about just never reopening it? Because I know how hard you guys work and you work like crazy long hours and Mr. Toyboy hasn't had had like a decent amount of time off forever and so is, I mean, there's plenty of people who own small businesses who know exactly

what you're feeling but there must have been a point where you're like, very rewarding and very tiring. Do we go back? Yeah. Well,

this made me question that even more because you turn everything off because we were like, we'll save power as well. Yeah. And, where did you turn everything off? At the war? Well, individually, each thing got turned off and empt were like, we'll save power as well. Yeah. Where did you turn everything off?

At the wall? Well, individually, each thing got turned off and emptied. You didn't turn the circuit board, the switchboard off? Okay, right. And everything cleaned out and everything, good chance to do a good clean. Yeah. And then obviously, just before we opened, we had to go back in and turn everything on.

Here's the problem. Everything broke. It just felt like nothing would work. So we have a neon light that says our name. That didn't want to turn on. So this is on every, all these things are on every single day. No, not unplugged. These things are on every day.

Like the heavy duty because, you know, it's got've got to be. Got to be in a cafe. And so the sign wouldn't even light up. The sign won't light up. Okay. First problem. Definitely haunted at this stage. I'd say haunted. I'd say no other explanation apart from a poltergeist.

Yeah. Then the dishwasher, again, heavy duty. It's a proper heavy duty dishwasher. Is on every single day. Does a lot of dishes. Yeah. Turned it on and it starts smoking. Because

there are elements heating up but there's no water so the water's not filling up into the dishwasher. Again, that's a pump issue. I was going to say a poltergeist issue but well, who do you think's playing with a pump? The poltergeist. And then we need

internet to obviously work our music, our F-Pos, everything. That's not working, although that could just be a service provider. We have a lot of trouble with them. Right. That has to be dealt with. For some reason Did you unplug the modem? Fletch, I'm not a boomer.

Switched it off, switched it on again. No, that had to be dealt with as well. Oh, okay. And I don't know how, this isn't mechanical. I don't know how this happened. Our blender, before we went away, fine. Heavy duty, perfect, worked, no problems.

Then when I put liquid in it when I came back, it all pulled out the bottom. It's a poltergeist. It's now leaking. The poltergeist. It's now leaking. The poltergeist was using the blender. A brand new blender. It felt like everything was like, no, actually, I've had a holiday. I don't want to do this anymore.

Did it? There were storms while we were away. Did it get struck by lightning? Yes. You should ask the neighbours if they had any electrical issues. Because if you turn it off at the wall but it's still plugged in, it can still be affected by lightning, right? Oh, you need one of those surge protectors.

They always try to sell you it when you buy a new TV at one of the stores. You're just like, I'm not paying $60 for that. They had it in my washing machine after a lightning storm and they were like, we'll fix it now, but next time get a surge protector. I was like, yeah, okay. I'll definitely get a surge protector. I definitely will. yeah, okay. I'll definitely get a surge protector. I definitely will. I don't even pay all that extra money for this box.

Yeah. Okay, buddy, I'll pay a little bit, I'll put you. Yeah, because I'm trying to make this TV slimline in that big orange box

with a blue and green button on it and a few test and reset lights is definitely going to add to the aesthetic. Yeah. Plus, plus, Devin,

I reckon lightning and or for some reason extreme power surge. Plus, plus. Devin, I reckon lightning and or for some reason extreme power surge. Plus a couple of my plants have like, and they've been watered the whole time,

have just like lost the plot and died. They've like given up too. It definitely sounds haunted. It does. Or do you have another competitor nearby that could have broken in

and messed all your stuff up just to take you out of business? The bakery, the bakery sells coffee down the, just down a bit. Where were they? Did they have an alibi?

Yeah, it's a good point. Or whatever ghost is killing all Fletcher's house plants for some reason into your cafe for a holiday. Well, yeah, because I moved mine all out over the break, so maybe they didn't need to find it. Please don't bring that curse upon me. There's a lot of plants there. Thanks, Ash.

Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch for Nemean. It's two minutes past eight. Last night, we got to meet Lizzo. They say never meet your heroes because you're always disappointed. I love her so much. I was so nervous. In fact, do you think, Vaughn, have you ever seen Megan as nervous before meeting a celeb?

I was just trying to think. There has been. Has there been, like, somebody else? It would be like if I met The Weeknd or Beyonce. Lizzo's up there for me. But no one else. I'm just trying to remember. I was like pacing around.

No, not that I can think of off the top of my head. You were really nervous. Before the interview, we had to wait in a green room. I believe it's the same one Adam Levine did a poo in when Maroon 5 played at Spark. Yeah. Arena. He left his pleather jacket on the lightbulb and you could see it had been burned to the lightbulb.

Yeah. Cry sick, Adam Levine. And if you're quiet on a Tuesday, you can still hear him humming This Love. Yeah, to warm up the vocals. So we were in that room and Megan was a real nervous mess. I had to stand up to get rid of pace around and get rid of my nervous energy.

But she was amazing. She was everything I could have hoped. She did it. So obviously there's FOMO tonight where you can see her live. She did a little showcase for the media last night including Ross Boss who's in studio with us now. Morning. Now in some ways I'm a little bit jealous because

we've got the audio of this. Ross Boss got kind of a shout out from Lizzo. Because if you don't know Ross Boss, how tall are you? I'm six foot eight, so I stand out at these things. Whoa, are you? Yeah, you should know this. We've known each other over a decade. I fit under his armpit. On the way home last night,

Indy and August were saying, how tall is Ross? I was like, I think he's six foot eight. Who's taller, Ross or Chewbacca? I was like, I think Chewbacca's just a little bit taller. Although I fit well in a Chewbacca? I was like, I think Chewbacca's just a little bit taller. Although I fit well in a Chewbacca costume. Yeah, you do really well. You got a special shout out from Lizzo.

Go on, just play it. You in the shirt with the mustache are tall. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You too tall to not be turning up, baby. You ain't twerked but once. Yes! I'll get you, babe.

I'm proper puppeteering, babe. Thank you, sir. I'm going to hear you say, What's up, bitch? What's up, bitch? What's up, bitch? Yeah. Good.

Great, great. As the bitch word came out of my mouth, I was like, am I being insensitive? No, she is. Is she going to find it? I know, but you know. She's trying to tell you.

You don't want to get cancelled. No, no. It's very easy these days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, the tall, the moustache thing at the moment, and I don't move at concerts either. No, you're very sensitive. I'll lock and unlock my knees.

You were like, to continue the Chewbacca reference, you were like Chewbacca on Endor. You were surrounded by short people. You chose to talk to the shortest people at the time that the show started, so you really stood out. And you always look real unimpressed. But internally, she's fantastic. I was loving her.

But I'm not a whoop, whoop. There's no external enjoyment going on. I'm so tall, you look like a civil defence emergency siren if you'm not a whoop whoop. There's no external enjoyment going on. I'm so tall you look like a civil defence emergency siren if you start going whoop whoop. You know, they call me that, the beacon. The beacon. You lost at a concert, where's Ross? The beacon of disaster.

Find Ross. Well, we got to interview Lizzo last night before that little showcase. Producer James, you've been on the beeping machine this morning. I just had a bit of a workout this morning. You could not interview her live. Oh, no. No live. Oh no. No, no, no.

I didn't think it was going to be, I thought there was going to be less than there was because she snuck a couple in there. Did she? Lizzo.

But actually I think it was about five for Lizzo but one for Vaughn as well. He got excited. She brought it out on you. She was incorrigible.

She's in the country and you can catch her tonight at the FOMO Festival. Oh, she's so worth seeing live. So she'll be there, Kay Trinata, Brock Hampton, and there are still tickets available from Ticketek. All the details at ZM Online.

That's an R16 gig at Trust Arena tonight. Well, last night she played a showcase for the media and we caught up with Lizzo. We're joined in the hallowed backstage area of Spark Arena. Welcome to my palace. The penthouse apartment of Spark Arena with Lizzo. Hello. Welcome. Welcome to our country. Welcome to New Zealand. I feel you were laughing at his accent. No, no, no, no, no, no. I've heard enough Kiwi accents to not laugh at the 15,000th Kiwi person I've heard speak. That's good.

I've been laughing at your eyebrow. What happened? It keeps popping up. Oh, that's just... I had expressive eyebrows, I guess. This one, just that one. You see it? Yeah, I can't move.

I can only move that one. The people's eyebrow. Yeah. Are you doing it on purpose? No, I didn't know I was doing it. It was mocking me. I wasn't mocking you. No, your eyebrow was.

What? It might have been like flirting. Yeah, okay. Calm down, eyebrow. Put it in your pants, eyebrow. Yeah, calm right down, eyebrow. You are leading everybody astray. And this interview is off to a very unusual start.

I heard in an interview you did with an Australian reporter recently that you were very excited about coming to New Zealand. Oh, yeah. I thought she was about to say something else because I've been spilling all my secrets lately. Yeah, I'm very excited. I've always wanted to come to New Zealand ever since I saw Lord of the Rings.

Oh, God. How did you know that? Is that what everyone says? Am I a basic bitch? No. Everyone says that? You are 100% not a you know that is that what everyone said am I a basic bitch no everyone says that you are 100% not a basic bitch that's what everyone

says yeah it's a little basic I've wanted to the eyebrows the eyebrows said that turn his microphone off turn his eyebrows

microphone off we should give you another movie to reference because everyone we've come to expect that's why I'm taking it back I don't give a shit about the Lord of the Rings.

I've always wanted to come here since I've seen Flight of the Conchords. Is that cooler? Yeah. That's good too. I love Brit. Commendable when you're in Australia too you took some time off and like helped out because that country is in absolute dire straits at the moment with the bushfires so that was that was awesome that you got involved. Yeah I mean mean, I would have felt weird. I'm such a giver, and it would have been awkward just to be on stage and pretend like nothing's happening. So it was my duty, you know what I'm saying? I owed Australia that for coming here.

Because your career has kind of blown up so quickly. Kind of. All right, bro. Don't downplay my life. When when someone's like we're going to australia and new zealand does it seem surreal still that you get you get to come to places i mean it's still surreal yeah like i honestly i'm like we in australia right now like i kept saying that yeah i'll be like yo we're in australia like it's it's still very surreal and i guess that you're touching down you're so busy you're moving on to the next place it does it yes it's quick isn't it yeah luckily for the um the fomo fest we did melbourne

because i did side shows so it was like melbourne fomo then i would go to sydney and i would go back to melbourne so when i was there i was able to go okay next time we go to melbourne which is like in three days i can do this or i can you know i what I'm saying, get that grilled salad again. Y'all got grilled over here? Grilled, bowled, rolled? It's like a whole franchise. I saw it on Uber Eats. I saw it on Uber Eats.

Really? Put your eyebrow back down. I saw it on Uber Eats. I don't know what you're talking about. In Melbourne, you saw it on Uber Eats. I saw it in all of Australia and then I saw it here.

I almost ordered from there. Well, please, you shouldn't go away having not ordered. Now it's only like 10 days until the, 10 days or so until the Grammys? Don't. Are you f***ing kidding me? Bitch. Is teen something else here?

Is teen a month? 10. 10. Like 9, 11. It's like 10. I'm counting. 10 days. Like 10. Like nine and then Tom.

Okay, stop. We'll get there. We're talking about numbers. We're not saying nine. We're nine. We're not German. Eight Grammy nominations. Am I right?

You're right. How are you feeling? I'm taking it a day at a time. Now I'm having a panic attack because you said there's teen days until the fucking Grammy. So now I'm over here. I've already left this conversation. I've left the chat.

I'm like, what am I going to wear? What am I going to do? Is the mix ready? I know, but I was going to ask you what you're going to wear. Have you organized? Are you sorted? Because you're performing as well. Am I making it worse?

You are making it worse. I hate you. I'm just kidding. I don't hate you, worse you are making it worse I hate you I'm just kidding I I don't hate you but you are making it worse I know there's a list of things that I'm gonna that I could wear I have a um I have my pick of the litter now you know which is really cool as you know a woman of my size and stature to be like I got all the best designers and all the houses trying to make custom shit for me. It's really cool. I'm flattered and I'm

excited. You know I always do it big. I always bring the glamour and the fun. So it's going to be that. My team is already working on it right now. I just get to show up and look pretty. What? What is that? Theute. What was that?

I mean, this is flute. The penis, what's that? He's playing the penis. This is how I play with myself. Every morning. Put it sideways. I didn't know you had it like that, though. I don't know how this is possible. I'm very flexible.

I thought you were going to say are you still from Argentina I think so I don't know I was like wait you're very white is the flute making it

oh yeah okay is the flute making it no back to your dick it's really not worth this much time my dick is not what you want to take away from instead of Lord

like don't this shouldn't be compared to like the Lord of the Rings reason anyone would come to this country. So you have a hobbit dick. Correct. Correct. It's small, very hairy on the top. You've got a family.

Get out. Looks great in a cloak, though. And will go to any effort to destroy a ring. How about that? That's good. I'm so glad we've internationally shamed my penis

when it's not done anything today. Literally. Oh, next question. Well, we are we're really excited to see the showcase tonight. When are you going to come back here for like a stadium tour?

Oh my God. When I can fill a stadium tour oh my god when i can fill a stadium now i mean you know i gotta test the waters well there's only seven million people here right i'm obsessed with that four five five million nearly five obsessed with that fact i'm gonna move here you're gonna have five million and one people here do it i would be i'm gonna be the one you would love to have you. No, I'll be back. I can't wait. Cool. Yeah, I'm already happy right now.

This is the best day ever. Well, thank you so much, Lizzo. Cheers. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Well, I ate a lot of cheese over the break. I'll preface this next conversation by saying. You ate a lot of cheese. I love cheese.

Camembert? Everything. Everything. He doesn Cam and Bert? Everything. Everything. He doesn't discriminate between cheeses. I used to be non-blue, and then I went like little blue, so I'd have like a slice of everything else and had a little bit of blue and then everything else, back through everything else.

Right. Now I'm quite partial to blue being it's one of my main cheese groups. Oh, really? That's a big goal. Love cheese. Okay. Love cheese. Okay. Love cheese. So do I.

I get that. So we had the cheese. I had probably half a wheel of camembert last night. I thought it was Taco Tuesday. Yeah, but it also was Taco Tuesday. It was cheese and Taco Tuesday. Well, no, cheese was way before. Cheese Tuesday.

Cheese was mid-afternoon. Wait, you had a cheese board? You had a pre-taco cheese board? Why wouldn't I? There's no rules. This is your first week back after a long holiday. I've got to eat. Oh, yeah, but I was real hungry and I love cheese.

You had a cheese board by yourself? Yeah. You did not. Oh, no, I had a friend over. No, because we were watching Mandalorian. Oh, what a great show. Good show. Because you know I'm not really into Star Trek Wars or whatever it's called.

Star Wars. Yeah. And I just did that thing on Instagram where which Star Wars character are you? Like everyone's doing. And I got Jabba the Hutt. I got Darth Vader. Yeah. I haven't done it yet.

But then that's kind of on the money. But I would be happy with anybody. What a great time. So due to the cheese and the drinking and the eating and everything, I've been trying to go back to the gym this week. I'm trying to close my circles. So just say you've got an apple watch.

I think you guys are poor. I'm not. I don't want to be one of those people that constantly look at their watch for updates on their life. I'm very wealthy. I heard you say this yesterday to someone when we were in Adam Levine's dressing room behind Sparkerima. I've closed all my rings. You've closed your rings. I heard you say this yesterday to someone when we were in Adam Levine's dressing room behind Sparkerima.

I've closed all my rings. Yeah, you said you've closed your rings. I was like, you what? To stop leakage. But no, it's the activist. I've been trying to close the rings. So what does that mean when you've done enough walking and running? Standing and exercise and calories.

The circle closes. According to heartbeat measured by watch. So I have been to the gym both days this week. How's today? I'm ready for my medal. Today's looking a little sketchy, late night, and then we've got stuff after work. Yeah. So it's looking a bit like gym or nap.

Yeah. Because sleep's very important too. It is. It is. So I was at the gym yesterday and I was doing my favourite machine, the stair machine. I love that too. Have you done the Korni Kardashian squat then step?

I saw a girl yesterday at the gym doing sideways walking up that. I haven't tried that Kim Kardashian move. That's a coordination issue for me though. I don't think I've got the coordination. Or you put the stretchy band around your knees as you're stepping up. Good ordinate. That machine freaks me out because it's like escalator teeth.

Like real aggressive teeth looking. I know. And if you don't pay attention. I know. And I always get daydreaming and I fall off and the teeth get me. And when you sweat a lot, at the end, you've got to put it on one speed and wipe and walk. At the end of it, it's challenging. So I'm on the stepper.

Yeah. And I'm watching, Treadstone's what I'm watching at the moment. Oh, okay. Yeah, this is on Amazon Prime. Now. Friend on the stepper and I'm watching, Treadstone is what I'm watching at the moment. Oh, okay. This is on Amazon Prime now. Friend of the show, Jeremy's on this. So I'm watching that and all of a sudden, so to explain what's happening around me at the gym, the guy who works at the gym's there and he's

fiddling with things. And then the other guy is there and he, on his t-shirt, has the same logo as the brand of machine. Oh, yeah. So I'm like, there's a machine issue. Yeah. Yeah.

So there must be an issue. Now, he's pulling out cords, but it's only that cord that I think the TV stuff comes in on because the treadmills have got the TV in them. Oh, yeah. And he's pulling out these cords and fiddling with that and looking around. At the same time,

someone's cleaning and servicing the air conditioning unit. So I'm walking. All of a sudden I can smell smoke. And so I look around and I say, and I give it a beat. I give it a bit and I'm like don't panic. Because you're on the stair machine.

You don't want to be on the stair machine during a fire. Well I'm exhausted. I have to go down the stairs to get out if there's an emergency. I may not have, I may not be able to switch my brain from upstairs to downstairs. We're literally talking three stairs you could ride down. I'd have to roll down.

So, I'm on there and I smell it and I'm like, give it a bit. And a couple of minutes later, another wave of it comes and I'm like, okay, I've probably got to say something. So, I put a headphone off so I've got a spare ear and I say to the guy with the life fitness thing on, can you smell smoke?

And he stops and he like looks at the air con person and I look at them as well and then he's like, I can. I can smell smoke. I said, is that a machine? He's like, I don't know because I'm all by the machines and I couldn't smell it. Had you paused it or were you having a conversation? I was walking.

I've slowed it down, but you know, nothing's getting in the way of me closing my rings. So I have slowed it down, but I'm walking and he walks around me. I take both headphones off. I pause Treadstone and I turn around and the air conditioning person's on a step ladder, not a full ladder, step ladder.

And he says, can you smell smoke? Is that the air conditioning? Yeah, right. And the person servicing the air conditioning said, I can't see any reason for it being this. I'm simply cleaning and servicing. Okay. Right.

He's like, I hope it's not a machine. And he comes back and he's like, can you still smell it? And I was like, I can still smell it. And he started going around sniffing the machines. Okay, right. To see which machine it was coming from. Right. That's when I'm kind of like half looking at him, still walking.

Yep. I've not unpaused Treadstone. Okay, yep. And I look and he like gives me this look like he's a little bit like. Of panic. I'm like, he's found a, like something's on fire. And he looks at me and I'm like, have you found it? And he goes.

And he puts a finger up like. Why is he shooting a fire? Should you be telling everyone on the radio? He points at a person on a treadmill and goes and waves in front of his nose. So I've been loudly like, can you smell smoke? And there was somebody there who was a baby smoker who was obviously there and like they were in a hoodie. Oh, no.

And they obviously had a durry in the car on the way. Oblivious to the fact that they smell like smoke because smokers can never smell that they smell like smoke. And we're all like, is that smoke? What And we're all like, What's on fire? Yeah, what's on fire? Like, you know when someone's smoking and you go, in this passive-aggressive way, they're like, I'm a precious, I'm a national treasure, I can't be poisoned.

So... It was a smelly person. It was a smoker and, like, had given multiple people at the gym the idea that there was some sort of fire. Wow. That was your fault. And pointed, and I was like, what? Because it took me a couple of minutes, and I was like.

Did you share a laugh? But didn't it smell like, Nick? And he was like, like, gave that shrug, that awkward, like, well. But good for him because his machines aren't on fire. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And if this person heard us,

good that they can deal with that. Well, they smell like smoke. That's not a good thing. I know, but it didn't smell like, you know,

cigarette smoke smells like cigarette smoke. Yeah. It smelled like someone was on fire. Well, had they been burning something as well?

Maybe. Maybe they were an arsonist. And they're definitely sure it wasn't your stepper because you were like hitting it hard. You were trying to close your rings.

Sweating on it. But no, it was them because when they got off and left, the smoke went with it. Right. Great.

I'm glad we figured it out. Thank God nothing was on fire. Yeah. You get back to your TV show? Yeah, great show. I loved it. figured it out. Thank God nothing was on fire. Yeah. You get back to your TV show? Yeah, great show. I loved it. Great show. Yeah, probably.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about Audis in India. Okay. What do you think about Audis in India? I don't know where you're going with this. Well, in India, and I'm imagining India is one of the many countries where there is a rising middle class in Southeast Asia. Yeah. I think from my class in Southeast Asia. Yeah.

I think from my experience in Southeast Asia, Cambodia and Thailand have not yet done Vietnam on the list. Oh, yeah, it's beautiful. But Bali's like this as well. Yeah. Using your horn is not a sign of aggression. Yeah, they use it as a warning. Using your horn is simply just like using your indicator.

You're like, toot-toot, here I come. Yeah. Toot-toot, person. Toot-toot, toot-toot, into an intersection. Toot-toot. It's not a Yeah. Toot-toot, person. Toot-toot, toot-toot, into an intersection. Yeah. Toot-toot. It's not a sign of aggression like it is in the Western world. So with India's up-and-coming middle class,

and there's more people who can afford an Audi and more people that want that Western luxury of an Audi, Audi has had to completely change the kind of horn in their car because your standard Audi horn will get worn out in India. Worn out? Does it only have so many toots in its lifespan? Worn out.

They have designed, they've commissioned a place that designed a louder, longer lasting horn for the Indian market. Huh. They said that they have a completely different supplier and the testing of the supplier before it could be put into Audis that will be sold in India, it had to go through a continuous two-week toot. Oh, my God. It literally was like Monday morning.

They get it at 9 o'clock. Monday the 1st, they're like, 9 o'clock, hit it. Meh. Meh. They come back on Monday the 14th at 9 and they're like, and stop. And that's how they know if that horn's good enough. It's still got its life at the end of that two week continuous horn and then they were the horns that went into the outies in India. I want to know what a horn sounds like when it's being worn out.

You know, you hear them all the time. I've never heard of Worn out horn Oh My poppers Land Rover That I've inherited That I have now Yeah I haven't bought that

We'll have to go for a ride It's very loud I'm okay Very dusty Megan will hate it I'll go You'll love it Do I have to bring a cushion

It looks hard It doesn't have proper seats In the back seat In the front It's cushioned Okay In the back Well Megan can have the back in the back seat. In the front, it's cushioned. Okay. In the back, well, Megan can have the back. In the back, there's one side with the cushion.

No, I'll have the front, thank you. You can both sit up front. Okay. Whoever's in the middle will have to keep their legs apart because I've got to work against it. Oh, that's Fletch. He'll love that. Fletch is often legs apart working a stick, isn't he?

Wow. So, what was I talking about? But it's horn. It's horn. It's old and it's never been replaced What does it sound like? It's a shadow.

It's for myself. I just had a few durries. Yeah. Think of a horn as like a person like when they get into the 80s and they've talked to people and they always get

or they smoke or drink heavily. Get out of the way, will you? Yeah. So horns just wear themselves out. And because of the extra usage that horns in India get due to it not being to show aggravation on the road, it's just a general warning device. They had to completely change it. So today's fact of the day is horns in Indian Audis last way longer than the rest of the world's.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. The British are experiencing The British A lot to deal with at the moment Yeah Brexit Mexit Mexit

Um Smexit What's Sexit? That's... Well, the Scottish one, exit. Yeah. You could say the skexit. The skexit, yeah.

Sure. And just the fact that they whinge a lot, it's very miserable and grey. So they've got a lot to deal with. You're right. And that's probably why they've always loved a drink. Yeah. I think that's why we love a drink, isn't it? Because we...

Whinge a lot. From our ancestry. Our whole colonialisation. Yes. So apparently young British people are going off drink. Now it doesn't say

if they've switched it for pingas or That's what it doesn't say. Way less calories than pingas. That's a fact. Yeah. Naturally. Not encouraging. I don't even know if there are any calories in pingas.

Well, they don't have the label on the packet, do they? Well, they don't have a packet. So... But how... Going away from the booze Right Yeah, binge drinking is down more than a quarter Is it because we're

Kind of a bit more health conscious as well Like you're aware that it's not very good for you Yeah And you're being fitspo It affects your mental health Yeah Quite a lot And like we talked about yesterday

With millennials' attitudes Towards Meghan and Harry compared to baby boomers, like if millennials don't like something, they just change it. Or don't do it. They just say, well, I won't do that. But older people who suffer through and had to push on found sweet relief in booze. So maybe there's that as well.

But they just said like music festivals, they have to provide far more non-alcoholic options. Yeah, right. Because there's so many people who go to music festivals that don't drink. So what was the stat? A quarter, you said? Yeah, from the public health, there was 16 to 24 year olds

who don't drink. 18% was in 2005. It is now 29%. Wow, that's a lot. And binge drinking went down more than a quarter. Do you think that would be the same here in New Zealand? Nana Millennial, Intern Anya, what are your thoughts on those numbers out of the UK?

Yeah, that sounds about right. As you say, from my research, pingas are the preferred option. I'm not saying I do pingas. That sounded like I was an ambassador for pingas. I'm not saying I do pingas. That sounded like I was an ambassador for pingas. I'm not an ambassador for pingas. Hashtag non-spawn. Hashtag anti-ping.

Okay, yeah, right, okay. But, you know, everyone's just doing that these days. Is it also because it's so expensive? Drinking? To drink. Yeah. Like you go anywhere to a festival or anywhere and it's so expensive.

Not if you go a week before and bury a box of flames. But there's a lot of airmen involved. Buries some long whites. Yeah. Oh my God, yeah, it's long whites. Yeah. They're sweet though. They're yummy.

I didn't have one for a while. I've been called a basic bitch for drinking those, but I won't take it. It's a delicious drink. No, you show them who's boss by doing a vortex. You show them who's boss with that long white bottle by getting a little spin on, back goes the head, down she goes in two seconds.

Don't they come in cans now? You can do that thing where they punch out, what's that called? Shocker. We're not encouraging this kind of behaviour. No, no, we're not. We're talking about responsible behaviours here. We could totally label this as satire

because they're not drinking. Exactly. And that would be your experience, but you're a nanomillennial, so it's very hard to gauge. Yeah, but I've got my finger on the pulse of what other people are doing. I just don't really want to do it myself. What about when you go out with your new bestie? Yeah.

What do you not drink? You had a wine last night with your bestie, didn't you? I did. I saw you two having a natter. It was cute. To not drink at all is teetotalling, but the rejection in binge drinking has been nice as well. Yeah, couple of blowouts a year, I reckon.

I don't like feeling hungover anymore. Nah. I'm just like, oh, I have drinks, but I don't want to feel yuck the next day. Yeah. I get that. Yeah. Don't you drink every day?

He gets his tolerance up so he doesn't feel yuck. But that's the thing, because my brother-in-law went cyber for six months, and I've just been hammering it. Yeah. Not hammering it, but I have a couple of... He's just pickling himself. I have a couple of whiskeys every day. Gets me through.

And we went out and had, like, shared a bottle of wine, and he was like, oh, I don't feel... I was like, what? We're getting on and on. That barely touched the sides. Classic, never touches the sides. Never. Not when you're a big old loose ghost like me.

Is that coffee? ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. So Facebook is launching a new dating feature, they're calling it. And this is to help you explore matches and relationships within your own extended circle of friends. So if you think about the people that you're friends with on Facebook and there is one that you are like secretly crushing on, this is going to help you out. But do you guys add, I mean you're not single, but I don't add like random people to my Facebook. No, this is people that are kind of in your extended circle of friends already. So do you have to be friends with them on Facebook?

Yeah. Okay. See, again, I wouldn't do that. So this is called secret crush. It's a secret crush feature. So you match with someone. There is a maximum of nine friends that you can do this with. Okay.

Nine people in your Facebook friends that you secret crush. So you swipe on them and say, yeah, these are people I have a secret crush on. They get sent a notification that they had been picked as a secret crush.

And then they've got to what? Go through all their friends? And pick if there's anyone that they secretly have a crush on. And then if you match, you both get notified. And if you don't, they never know that it was you. And then you realise that they don't like you back

because there's no match there. And then there's that moment where you've got to have a good look at yourself. Yeah. Yeah, and re-evaluate things. But this is good though, because like if they're already within your friend's circle, it's hard to spark up that kind of conversation.

How are you suddenly going to broach it with them that you kind of like them? This is a good way of doing it without having a face-to-face rejection. And you kind of already know them. This is the problem when we're talking about people who aren't drinking as much. This is when you used to just have a few Irish scourges.

Yeah. And make the approach. And then get turned down in because you're drunk and you don't care. That's what they're like anyway. Delete the message. It was a turned down because you're drunk and you don't care. That's what I didn't like anyway. Delayed message. It was a joke. It was a joke.

I wouldn't like you. So it's already available in 19 countries and it is set to be released in the States this year. So you'd say New Zealand. Everywhere else will follow this year kind of thing.

Yeah, I'd say so. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, So you'd say New Zealand, everywhere else will follow this year kind of thing. Yeah, I'd say so.