ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - January 16 2019

Episode Date: January 15, 2019

Vaughan wants to get chickens, This Is Why I'm Fat and your best tricks to get save money.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, brought to you by Spark. Get the new Nokia 7.1 from $499 on a Spark prepaid rollover value pack. And now, on with the podcast. Thank you, Arnie. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. An asteroid the size of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. I wonder if everyone will do one of those photos when the asteroid goes past where they pretend to hold it up.

So they're just going to skim past? Yeah, like skimming a stone on a pond. Are we happy with their calculations? It's going to be eight and a half times the distance between Moon and Earth away. Oh, that's ancient. You probably won't be able to see it. But that's close, though, in terms of close.

In terms of space. In terms of space, that is quite close. It's 51 metres. All the way around or long? I mean, they give us these warnings, but what are we going to do anyway? Just don't bother.

I know. Don't tell us. I'd rather not know. Yeah, I'd rather live in ignorant bliss. I wonder what we would do if it was on something that small. Laser? Because Bruce Willis is getting a bit old now, eh?

No, because he drilled in it, but that thing was massive. So you're saying that we know that a giant asteroid's coming to Earth. It's the end of the world in like a week. Yeah. I'd definitely ape from the pick and mix. Do you know what? You would just imagine the world would just fall into absolute chaos. Oh, it would, absolutely.

I don't know what I'd do special. Just eat. Just eat? Yeah. Like, well, the diet's not good anymore. Live like the world's going to end. No, don't, because people will be rioting and stuff. And I'll be broke.

Yeah. And then it kind of last minute just kind of dodges earth and we're all being real silly. We've all been real naughty for a week. Everyone's like, oh, ew, heck. kind of dodges earth and we've all been real silly. We've all been real naughty for a week. Oh. Phew. Heck. But if we're all real naughty we can't all go to jail,

can we? Good point, Megan. Good point. Okay, good. They'll just choose the naughtiest. Yeah. So set it mid-range naughty.

Yeah. Like be an Irish traveller or a New Zealand naughty. No, they're British now. Are they British? Is that right? No, but that's the thing. They live in, the Irish travellers in New Zealand naughty. No, they're British now. Are they British? Is that right? No, but that's the thing. They live in,

the Irish travellers live in Britain. But they are Irish. Irish ancestry. No, I thought that accent is very Irish. Oh, because I thought

they did a correction yesterday. Yeah, I mean, they're British citizens. Right. Because I felt bad for Ireland. Yeah, true. Well, it got reported

in Ireland and Ireland's like, look at what we've done. And they're like, it's not us. And it turns out it's not really. Kind of. Alright you lot, listen up. It's Storytime.

Storytime. Three news headlines for interesting, unusual, quirky news stories that I've found. Vaughn and Megan, pick one of the following three. Headline one, woman dies twice. Headline two, dog repays kindness. And headline three, fight over loose change. Oh, one or two?

Yeah, woman dies twice is an interesting headline for me. You want that one? I want to know how that happened. Did the dog repay his coin? I'll Google it. Megan, that's against the rules. Woman, yeah, go. Straight up against the rules.

Okay, well, a woman dies twice. We'll delve into this story. We go to Russia now, Russia, where a 62-year-old woman came back to life from the dead she was in a morgue and she woke up well that's where you put dead people

yeah she wasn't dead but unfortunately because the morgue was quite cold and I'm assuming she was maybe put in a refrigerator probably naked

naked she was rushed to intensive care with hypothermia and that's where she died for the second time Probably naked. Naked. She was rushed to intensive care with hypothermia. And that's where she died for the second time. Oh, my God. How old was she?

62. What was the vibe of her initial death? So she'd been drinking with relatives at a party. And when the news story says she appeared to pass away, I don't know if she was drunk or passed out and they were like, well,

Nana's dead. Better take her off to the morgue. That's that. A policeman certified her as dead and took her body in a hearse to the morgue.

No, a policeman. Shouldn't it be a medical professional? I'm seeing a lot of problems here with Russian protocol here in dealing with this.

Apparently, though, the woman was still alive, started moving while a morgue worker tried to fit a tag on her foot. Oh, God, that would give you nightmares. She came to life and the worker immediately called an ambulance. Paramedics spent 40 minutes trying to resuscitate the woman. But, yeah, extreme cold. Wow.

She died because of hypothermia. And that was enough to, yeah to kill her the second time. Can you just promise you triple check if I die before you put me in the morgue? Just triple check. Well, they always, they get a doctor, don't they? I poke you with like something sharp. God. Like a skewer, a barbecue metal skewer.

I give you permission to do that. Just boop. Boop. Boop. I'll do the big toe, I'll do the thumb, just to try around the body to see if different areas might wake you up. Start with a light bulb. It was like that woman in...

Was it Russia? Or South Africa that woke up at her own funeral and had a heart attack and died. Well, you would because you'd freak out, you're having a funeral. Yeah, and they're like, you're dying and she freaked out and it was like she had a heart attack and that was Well, you would because you'd freak out. You're having a funeral. Yeah, yeah. And they're like, you're dying. And she freaked out. And it was like she had a heart attack. And that was her.

She was out. Bad dream. Yeah. They're like, okay, well, we've got it all set up anyway. And the sandwiches have been ordered. So just everybody carry on. Business as per. Perfect time to die, really.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. All the admin's been done. Oh, my God. F.M. Females have got another contraception option. We're still waiting for the guys ones to be developed. We're waiting

too, aren't we? Yeah. Bet you are. Baited breath. Well no, they keep having side effects so we don't obviously want to be taking those. Oh god no. The side effects of the last one was so like, wasn't it like acne or something? And you're like, oh. Headaches or something?

I think it was chance of hiccups. And we were like, no. Oh, we shouldn't be having that. Absolutely not. There is a new one and this will replace the pill

so it's not something you take orally. It's a little sticker and it's the size of like a 50 cent piece. So you put it on your skin and you leave it on for a little bit.

It has microneedles that contain a contraceptive hormone, levonor... Yeah, something. This is why you dropped out of pharmacy school. Yeah. Levonorgestrel or something like that.

So you leave it on your arm for five seconds and the little tiny needles eventually break away and they stay under the surface of the skin and it slowly releases the drug. Oh, no, I've had a prickle. It's horrible. They're microneedles.

And then eventually those needles dissolve and it stays in your skin or like in your body for a month. So you just have one sticker a month. Right. So they've done the trials in the mice and the needles dissolve safely and everything and it seemed to boost the levels of hormones that were needed to prevent pregnancy.

So they think this could be like a long acting and pretty safe contraception for females. As opposed to taking the pill once a day. Yeah. But like, I don't know. It's like the equivalent, the prickle thing bothers me. Like that it breaks off

and stays under the skin. No, but they dissolve eventually, the little needles. I was like running through a patch of only hunger weed. But then it's like getting implants, like the women who have the implants under their arms. Because this is what I've started doing now when they say, oh, they've found this new use for

and you know that chemical at the start you couldn't pronounce. Yeah. And you Google what it was originally used for. It's pretty crazy what some things do in there. Because this could be just a side effect of this drug. Yeah. And you Google what it was originally used for, it's pretty crazy, you know, what some things do in there. Because this could be just a side effect of this drug. Yeah. At this dosage. Well, wasn't, when they invented Viagra,

that wasn't for what it's for now, was it? No, it was heart. It was heart medication. It was blood. It was opening the vessels to get blood flow. And then dudes were just like, ooh, what's going on down here? It was like heroin was a child's cough syrup. No.

Or a child's cough medication. I hope that had a childproof lid on it. Good Lord. I was four then. They loved it. Right. Yeah, and my eyelash serum. Isn't that for glaucoma or something?

And then I got really long eyelashes. They were just putting it on for their eyes and then their eyelashes were growing long. I'm like, oh, pretty. Yay for accidental science. Yay. FEM. ZM. Yesterday we like, oh, pretty. Yay for accidental science. Yay. FEM. ZM. Yesterday we told you about a gnome that had been stolen.

It was outside the Auckland Art Gallery. It was a sculptor's work valued at $55,000, two metres tall, 100 kgs, made of bronze. It was just like a garden gnome but on steroids. Bronze steroids. Is that what gnomes take? but on steroids. Bronze steroids. Is that what gnomes take? Yeah. Bronze steroids. Bronzing steroids.

Yeah. I thought it was a really cool gnome. Yeah. It was. It's cool. And it's done that thing bronze does. Megan's like, no. No, it's just like a gnome.

It's gone a bit green like the Statue of Liberty. Yeah. It's gone a bit green. So it's been found. It got handed in at a Salvation Army store in Glen Eden. So you know how you drop off your stuff to the Salvation Army and they sell it and... Make some money.

Yeah. Buy more knives or something? They, the Salvation, no, that's the Swiss Army. The Salvation Army just turned up for work and the gnome was just plopped outside with a note that just said please return to the Langsford Art Gallery. And you can kind of see

the writing on it. It looks like nice writing. Like no spelling mistakes. You're supposed to write with your left hand. No, I've written with their... And they've done like the G. Okay, so the capital G is not just like my G, like a C with a G is not just like my G, like a C with a little stick on the top.

It flows down below it. It's one of those Gs. It's a capital G, but then it's got the flick bit of the little G as well, and then cursive up into the A. Fancy. I like that they must have woken up yesterday with this all over the news, and they were like, we've got to get rid of this gnome. It's hot. It's hot.

It's hot property. Do you think they stole it because they said there was footage of it being stolen? It was on a ute, either as vests. Do you think they knew the value of what they were stealing, or they were just like, that's funny, let's steal it? Yeah, maybe they just wanted it for the backyard. Yeah.

Because it was a month ago. It hasn't been melted down. No. It's intact. It's in pristine condition. You'd think that they would melt it down like straight away before people were onto it, wouldn't you?

Well, so apparently I read that police were fingerprinting the gnome. Yeah, so they returned it saying, please return, and you thought that might have been it, but it's not. Like an amnesty. No, the police took fingerprints

from the statue this morning, and the security camera has footage showing three men. And the actual security camera footage is showing three men and the actual security camera footage is pretty clear. Yeah, that footage is clear. Like. Well, imagine going to prison for stealing a giant gnome.

You're in there with like murderers and stuff. Actually, looking at it now, the guy, one of the guys on the security footage, the umbrella he's holding is a blunt umbrella. So this could be a high-end, this could be a stolen order. Yeah, right. Because that's a high-end umbrella. Yeah. Those are great umbrellas.

And, you know, the writing would maybe show quite, you know, a posh person. Yeah, yeah. If they're, you know, writing like that. Well, maybe these guys stole it and gave it to the person who wanted it. That's the person, the rich person who's doing the black market art, like in the movies. Yep.

Who got hit with the gilts and returned it. Yeah. And now there's someone called, like, Edith in Rimuera being like, well, we dabbled in art, Trevor, and we won't be doing it again. Gosh, that was an exhilarating ride. But I hope it is a rich, some rich people from Rimuera that tried to sell a garden home. That would be so great.

That's so much trouble. But where was it handed in? West Auckland. Glen Eden. Glen Eden, okay. Yeah. Right. It's on the way west.

You wouldn't drop it off at your local. You'd go somewhere else, wouldn't you? Well, you'd think so. So apparently the gnome now won't be outside. It'll be inside the gallery. So if you want to visit it, you've got to go inside now. It won't be outside. What are they going to put outside?

Because apparently they've had some artwork on that plinth for a very long time. They change it around. On that plinth? Plinth. What are you coming around with your flash words? What's a plinth? I was like, what is a... I'm glad you brought that up.

Yeah, no. You don't try to be all posh around here. I'm not trying to be posh. It was said he even knows the name. The name was set upon a plinth. I've never had a conversation with anyone in real life and heard them say plinth. Did you just read that in the article?

Like, what are you trying to be posh? I read it before when I was reading the catch-up, but I probably just would have said stand, but then I read the name was sat upon the plinth. The bronze name was just outside on the footpath? It was not on the footpath, good sir. It was raised above the footpath and surrounding garden areas.

It's set upon a plinth. It was just on a raised platform. It shan't be well shamed. Concrete block. For calling things what they are. It was on a concrete block. Yeah, it was on a stand. It was stood up on a stand.

The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello there. A concrete door? Yeah. It was on a stand. It was stood up on a stand. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello there. Today's Top Six about Countdown. Not Countdown. They already do it. Pack and Save. You would already do it. Pack and Save have started doing online shopping.

So you can order it and then it will turn up at your house. So, you know, that's the whole experience of going to Pack and Save. Yeah. Is loading all your stuff into a box. Yeah, just the whole experience of attending a Pack and Save is, what is it they all say? The journey is the destination. So the top six things that you'll miss about Pack and Save if you shop online.

Number six, the ungodly amount of muscles that are in that thing that circulates water over the muscles. They do love a big muscle. What an unreal amount of muscles. I never see anyone buying those either. Exactly. It's like everyone that's ever going to go there could get a bag of mussels and there would still be heaps more mussels

but you never see anybody buying the mussels. Very good point. Very good point. How long have they been sitting there? Whenever I've got mussels I just get them

in the little container because they've already been shelled. Yeah. I mean don't get me wrong I used to love spreading mussels on like a barbecue and you put them in the shell and then when they open up you put a little bit of sauce of your choice in there. Yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong. I used to love spreading mussels on like a barbecue

and you put them in the shell and then when they open up you put a little bit of sauce of your choice in there. Yeah, kelder. Maybe a bit of vinegar. And that's really, really nice. But once a year?

Tops? So many mussels. Number five on the list of the top six things you'll miss about Packing Save if you start shopping online is having to get your trolley between an abandoned trolley

and the staff on those big ass stairs on wheels loading high shells you've ever seen in your life thing. You're like, oh, excuse me. They're like, mmm. And you're like, I don't want to touch that trolley because it's got a lot of stuff in it. I mean, I can't see anybody who could be pushing that like it's been abandoned. They're probably at the muscles.

They just remembered they didn't get any muscles. So they've got a huge sack and they've gone back for the muscles. It's a bit of a journey to get back to it. But you've got to navigate. Even though they're the widest aisles, aren't they? Yeah, they are. Big, wide aisles. Not like an old three guys or whatever that's been turned into a countdown.

These are big aisles. They were purpose-built stools, but still. And you can't touch someone else's trolley. I don't feel comfortable doing it. I don't feel comfortable doing it. Certainly not without consent. I say, is it alright if I move you? Sure, thanks. Put that

over there. Number four on the list of the top six things that you'll miss if you start shopping at Pack and Save online is standing in the flour that's leaked out of the 10kg flour sacks that are stacked like sacks of concrete. Why, in 2019, are flour bags still leaking flour? We need to get a better bagging system for flour.

You pick it up. I'm talking the picking up part of moving it, and you get flour all over your clothes. That goes for the small flower bags. But the bigger the bag, the more the flower comes out. Surely we've got a better system than that. Well, it's 2019 now. No.

It should be better. I know. Number three of the top six things you'll miss about Pack and Save if you shop online is the cardio. Because you cannot walk a short miss about Pack and Save if you shop online is the cardio because you cannot walk a short distance around Pack and Save. Well no, they block it off so you have to walk the long way, don't they? You have to walk

through all of those specials and be like no thanks, I don't need eight litres of shampoo and conditioner. You have to walk past the muscles. They are unavoidable. You hear the water running and you're like, I'm approaching the muscle waterfall. And then you might hear it stop and that's because someone's pushed the button because they want to get... You smell it before you hear the water.

And as you pass the mussel waterfall, you look to your left and there's just like a whole snapper on some ice. And you're like, is that legit? Because a fly could land on 90% of that fish. I understand it's on ice and I don't understand how fish works. But, oh, touch its eye, said every little kid that walked past it ever and now I don't want to buy that. Number two on the list of the top six things you'll miss about Pack and Save if you start shopping online, the car park. That place is chaos. Huge car park, still hard to get a park, still hard to avoid a trolley in that car park.

And then you've got the hike to the store to begin your shopping. Got to get to the car quick, otherwise your muscles will go off. Yeah. You do not want stinky muscles. Stinky green lip muscles will really ruin your car. You don't want stinky green lips. No. Because then also you could get, that's actually what put me off a lot of muscles on the barbecue

is we got a bit sick after one of them. So one of them must have gone a bit funky. You can get to the car quick enough. And the number one thing you'll miss about Pack and Save if you start shopping online is trying to pick a box with any sort of structural integrity at the checkout. Yes. That box looks okay, but it was just designed to carry bags of chips

and those don't weigh much, but I'll try to fit a week's worth of groceries into that, pick it up, ass falls out of it. Yeah. It's all about picking the right box and that's something you're going to miss if you start shopping at pack and save online.

That's today's top six. Irish Tourist NZ is the fifth most Googled thing in New Zealand in the last 24 hours. They've been wreaking havoc. So they hit headlines at the weekend

for being videoed making a mess at Takapuna Beach and then a little kid mouthing off at somebody. Yeah. Then somebody said, oh yeah, they've been in our restaurant and tried not to pay.

And then some guys were like, I was on the flight with them here. So the story started flying thick and fast. We addressed this yesterday and I said, oh, it's like when Moko the Dolphin was going up the east coast of New Zealand. People will be shouting out every time they hit town. 100%, that's exactly what happened. Because there were more stories yesterday, like another couple of cafes people saying that they've never

experienced customers like that in their life. Yeah. One said they saw them shake ants into the food when they were nearing finishing to be like, there's ants I'm not paying. Where does one collect ants from? One must have collected ants. I imagine that you'd keep ants in

remember those little plastic canisters that film Where did you get ants from? One must have collected ants. I imagine that you'd keep ants in, remember those little plastic canisters that film used to come in? Oh, yeah. They're perfect size for storing ants in. Get a lot of ants in there, but, you know, concealable on one's body. God, this family is just absolute trash. A Hamilton car yard said they pulled in, and this is not a rental car. They'd purchased the car when they got here. A van, Mitsubishi Delica, I believe it was.

Okay. And another car saying, do us a straight swap for that 12-seater. And the guy's like, of course not. No. Like, that's not how this works. And they mouthed off at him. And he said, oh, it's time you left. And then there's more mouthing off and they left.

I feel like this family needs a reality show. Like, it sounds like a train wreck of a family. I know. But then somebody on the, because they've got Irish accents, but they are travellers. Now, in England, you might have watched the TV show,

My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. Right. And it was about traveller lifestyle. Very strong Irish heritage. That the Irish-sounding accent, but are British citizens. Right. So yesterday in Hamilton when there was, when they tried, I believe they tried to walk through the BK drive-through,

but not at like 2 o'clock in the morning like we've all done, like during the day. And then the police got called and Immigration New Zealand were obviously hunting them yeah they've been issued with a front up defend yourself explain why you should be here or leave the country issue deportation notices effectively deportation notices that's and the 21 26 year old female has been arrested on a shoplifting charge and today will be in Hamilton District Court to defend herself. They also got pulled over by the police and the children

were not restrained at all in the car. Like no seatbelts or anything. Climbing over seats etc. Oh god. They just live in this like wake of destruction. And then yesterday the journalists said, because this is just, everyone's just fascinated by it.

Oh, it's amazing. So yesterday when the police were called to drop a straight in Hamilton, the media all turned up as well. But they must have been on the road ready to pounce, right? Yeah. The journos. Because the police were there. They were all ready.

They must have been hunting them. They were hunting them down. And also that police turnout. Did you see how many police? Quite a few. You probably wouldn't get that many to an armed offenders call out. No, no, no. Or if you've had a burglary lately and they're like we'll just send

you a reference number so you can. And they are understaffed but then it was crazy to see how many of them. I think there was like 12 police. If they called to the depot, you'd be like, I'm coming. We're coming. 100%. We'll pop around to that burglar on the way back,

but we're definitely going out to Beacon, drive us straight over. I want to see the travellers. I want to see the travellers. So yeah, apparently Hamilton District Court is sort of like a little bit worried about how many people are just going to turn up for a gawk today.

Have they said they're cutting their trip short? No, have they? They were cutting it short and then I read something saying they were maybe going... Well, I think Immigration New Zealand is doing it. Cutting it short for them. Yeah. Doing the cutting of that. It's gone viral.

Like, this is being reported all over the world. Yeah. How families just come to New Zealand. There's memes. It's all go. It's a trail of destruction. It's all go. Yeah. It's all go. I came home from holiday

and I obviously had a lot of washing to do. I had like heaps my whole trip because mum wasn't there to do it for me. And I went to do it on Sunday and my washing machine just didn't even turn on. Nothing. I had to go to a laundromat. That was fun actually. You were right. That had to go to a laundromat. That was fun, actually.

You were right. That good. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. People watching and just been able to do all your washing in one massive machine. One massive. Yeah, that was great. Because you always go to the, do you still go to the laundromat?

No. Because your wife didn't have a dryer for a long time. Yeah, no. Yeah, nah, she wanted one. But now she's got a dryer. She's got a dryer now. So you don't have to go to the laundromat. Nah.

Okay. But occasionally, like, she's got a dryer. She's got a dryer now. So you don't have to go to the laundry mat. Nah. But occasionally, like, she still will. Yep. Like, um, for example, if your children bring home one of many communicable diseases and you need to wash all the bedding at once. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. Um, you take

them down and wash it all. Yuck, it's gross. Yeah, they feel gross. It sounds a lot of effort. So, had to get someone to come and look at the washing machine. First of all, can I say, it was a great service. Like, they were swift. They came exactly when they said they were going to. It took them all of 10 minutes.

Did they match their quote? No, it was under warranty, so it was all free. Oh, wonderful. It was under warranty. And didn't have to, like, order a part. Had the part in his van. Okay. Did it, like, so before I go on to what I'm going to say next.

But see, when they got the part in the van, to me, that says that it's a well-known problem. Yeah. Because Quinch and I have got the same dryer and the same thing happened to both of our dryers. Right. And the guy said to me, is it under warranty? And I said, oh, let me go and check. And he's like, oh yeah, this is a known problem. And I said, well, warranty or not, if it's a known problem.

The Consumer Guarantees Act says you're going to replace this and do it now. And then it was a known problem. It was under warranty and he's like, I've got the parts in my van. So to me that's the perfect storm of a problematic issue. And I don't like to hover over them when they're doing their work because I'm like, I just leave them to it. You don't know what you're doing, do you? Nah, and he did say it's blah, blah, blah.

And I was like, oh yeah, cool. Okay. Well, if he'd said that, I would have said pardon. You know, it's the old blah, blah, blah. No, he said it a little bit of jargon. And I was like, I don't really care what it is. Just fix it. So I waited in the kitchen.

And then when I heard him come into the kitchen, I was like, oh, he must be done. He must be saying goodbye. Okay. And that's when he said to me, do you mind if I use your toilet? And I was like, of course. Like, it's just down the hallway to the left.

Of course you mind. No, of course you can use it. Go outside, you filthy animal. Of course you can use it. And I stood in the kitchen and I just waited and waited and maybe like four or five minutes went by.

I saw his poos. Oh, no. He was doing poos. And he came back. Doing poos in your house. He came back through the kitchen and went straight back out to the laundry. He didn't say anything. And I was like, he wasn't there a long time.

No, you're not allowed to do poos. He's not allowed to do poos. No, but he's working all day at people's houses. And so I sat there. He's gone to. I sat there and I was like, how do I feel about this? I think he just did poos. I don't know him.

But then I was like, if he needed to do it, where else is he going to do it? Have a toilet after he's done. No, but he might have been busting. Yeah, and you don't want to use a public toilet for a number twos. I would rather he use a public toilet than use my toilet for number twos. Well, you know, but I'm putting myself in his position. I'd rather use a customer's toilet than a public toilet. Yeah, totally.

Just the awkwardness of you being in the kitchen being like, 25, 27, 27. If that was me, I would have gone super quick. I would have been like, do it, flush. Yeah. Extra flush. Before I'd even ask, I would have made sure it was halfway out. Oh, my God, boy. Can I use the bathroom? Because everyone's just like, whee have made sure it was halfway out. Oh, my God, boy.

Can I use the bathroom? Because everyone's just like, wheeze, sure, no big deal. And then you just go in and you're just out. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I wouldn't have pulled out my phone and started playing 20 minutes of my favourite app. Maybe he was doing something on his phone. But if he was doing a wee as a boy, he'd be super quick. He'd be done.

He'd be out in a minute. Even if he's one of those guys and they're out there and I'm starting to notice them more, take a little while to get going. Yeah, something to do. Older blokes take a little while to get going. And I almost say to them, how's the prostate health? Don't take that for granted. No, he was a young dude.

He was a young dude. Well, he definitely did a number two in your toilet. But then I felt bad because I was like, he feels real self-conscious about it. Did he walk out and go, whoo? No. Oh, you didn't? Did it stink? I didn't go down there because I was too embarrassed.

I didn't want to make a thing about it. I give it a bit of clearance time. I didn't want to make a thing about it. But then when I went back later, there was no remnants, if you know what I'm saying. Okay, right. Yeah, it's very clean. Oh, well, if he'd left skids and hadn't cleaned it. I'd be following it with customer service.

I would be going to No Cowboys and being like, great service, but the guy left skitties. So I'm not happy. But that was so awkward. So, I mean, I understand because he had to go. But it led me to thinking like people who work jobs like that or getting caught on the spot, people are bound to have gone in strange places. Do you know it's like when you're at a house party and people do a number twos? That's poor planning.

One should not be doing number twos. You might have just been at a BYO and had a big Chinese banquet. Yeah, but that should take eight hours to work its way through. You shouldn't be like, oh, well, 20 minutes later, it's time to poo. This is experience talking, isn't it? Well, how many times have you taken a dump at a house party? No, very few.

But it's definitely happened once, I think. And it was horrible. I was like, I've got to be quick. Because at house parties, too, everyone's drinking, so they need to do wheeze a lot more. Oh, and there's a line for the toilet. Yeah. I know. It's horrible.

Then you walk out and there's no hiding. Yeah. I think I was just like, oh, the person before me. Don't do that at a house party. No, they know it's you because you finished, there's a flush and then a prolonged

with the glade lavender. And then a second flush. And then more glade. And then a scrub. You hear a scrub. Well, at least you're scrubbing. They know, they know. So let us know

where the weirdest place you have gone. When you've just had to go. You had to. Right. Because, you know, we know. So let us know where the weirdest place you have gone. When you've just had to go. You had to. Right. Because, you know, we all do it. Well, and maybe you do want to hear from the tradies as well. Yeah, what do you do?

Is there like a role? Is there like an etiquette? Because if I was a tradie, I wouldn't care. I'd just do it. You've got to go somewhere. The first couple of times would be like embarrassing, but then I'm imagining you'd just get over it. You just don't care.

And you probably... It would be nice. Here's a tip for tradies. When you come out of going number twos at somebody's house, compliment the toilet. That's a lovely toilet. You could say that. Would you like that or not?

I would like that because I've got a lovely toilet. You do have a lovely toilet. I'd be like, thank you for noticing. That was a lovely toilet. Thank you for noticing. Now that's a lovely toilet. As long as it's still lovely, thank you. I have destroyed it, but it was lovely.

So you can give us a call, 0800-DARLS-AT-M, 9696. The weirdest place you had to go number twos. Well, Megan's washing machine repairman used to toilet for a very long time. It's led you to believe, Megan, it was number twos, and it was embarrassing for all. It's speculatory at this stage. There was no further investigation, Your Honour. No. I didn't want to

embarrass him. No. Yeah. But wheeze doesn't take four to five minutes. If it does, you need to see a medical professional. If it does, stop mucking around and get to your doctor. Yeah, please do. I would like to know the weirdest place you'd had to go, number two. You've been caught short. Yeah.

Now, Hannah, you're a courier. I used to be a courier a few years ago, and trying to go to the loo when you're out and about is actually really hard. I can get where that guy's coming from, and you can't always control it. Sometimes you just have to go. Yeah. Because I guess if you had a set area you'd know where the public toilets are but you might be a long way away from those plus they're not

always that good they don't always have soap to wash your hands they don't always have toilet paper so they're not actually that reliable like you could turn up outside one and they're just not that nice so i found a couple of customers that were just really lovely and i had a couple like spread out over my area so if i I even needed to go, I could just use their bathroom and they were all good. You could be like, knock, knock, hi Linda, no package, but gross. I tell you what, I've got a package I need to drop off and get back

on the drift. To be fair, that's the least I could do for my courier because he's there a lot. And I did have some homes that I went to, but luckily it was also the businesses that really understood and the ones that did let me do it. I always got them a Christmas present

just to say thank you because it was actually a really huge help to me. Got some like toilet duck. Some Glade plug-ins and some spray. A new brush. Yeah, thanks for your call, Hannah.

Michael, when did you just have to go? I had to go to a really old lady's house and I was doing some landscaping for her. Oh no. And yeah, you just, yeah, from a tradie's perspective,

you just got to get in there quick, do it, lay some toilet paper down so you don't leave any skitties and then... See, no, I'm with you. I even do this in my own house. A pre-turd paper, turd, more paper on top, flush. It's wasting paper, though. It's only a little bit. It's only a little wee bit.

I've never heard of that. You don't want to smuggle in the scrubbing. Right. So as a tradie, it's something that you're quite aware of, and you'd obviously try not to do it. You have to try and avoid it, yeah. I mean, the worst is when you're washing your hands and your hands are dirty from the mud and stuff

and you get dirt all over the basin. And then you've got to do that thing where you're using your wet hands that are clean now to, like, wipe away any, like, dirt. Aw. It makes me feel better just knowing that you're self-conscious about it. Yeah, definitely.

And Michael, thanks for your call. Some text messages. This is like very cruel. They said, this happened to me when we had a tradie over,

but it goes a step further. Okay. The tradie was there. It was a plasterer. And he said, would you mind if I use the toilet? And I said, God, of course.

You're literally here all day. That's the thing. If he's plastering your house, it's going to be all good. So he went in. Now, when he went in and shut the door, my stomach went,

and I was like, oh no. I'm about, wait, is this you or a text? No, this is a text message. This isn't me. This is something you would do.

This isn't me. They just said their stomach rumbled. I was the one. Okay. So they were like, oh no, I'm about to shit myself. I can relate to this. Only just a few weeks ago. So they said that while the plasterer was using the actual toilet,

they got the best plastic bag they had in the house and had to squat in their wardrobe. No. Because I only have one toilet as well. In their wardrobe. Well, you wouldn't do it. We're asking you to do it. If there was plaster in the whole house,

he might go and check any spot to see if it's dry and ready for a sand. Oh, my God. Go in your own wardrobe. Like, every time you go in that wardrobe, you'd be reminded of the shame that you had the time you had to squat over a New World bag and take a dump. You'd check that the bag had, like, all the way around. And, you know, sometimes the bottom of plastic bags have a couple of holes.

Oh, you wouldn't want that. It'd probably be best just to go in a glad zip slide bag. Yeah, but that's a lot more challenging. Not the sandwich size, the large jumbo freezer size. The big one, not the little one for biscuits and sandwiches. And make sure the yellow and blue goes green. We're very much so before putting it anywhere. But I always reuse those big bags if you put something

in the freezer, you wash them and read that. You wouldn't know. That one's lost. It's gone forever. Not this time. Plumber by trade,

somebody messaged in. Okay. Had to go number two at a house I was in. There was only one toilet in the house and I'd taken it out for replacement.

So I was doing a panic. But there's still the hole, right? Fletch. You can't. No. What do you mean? The toilet?

No, because it's all like pressurized in the water and everything. Like the flush pushes it down. Oh, okay. So I did a panicky install of a new toilet holding my butt closed. Yeah. Only to realize that there was no toilet paper. So I was like, had just installed the paper and I was sneaking around the house

trying to find where the toilet paper had been put. Oh no. So they said, then I was like, I've just got to. The owner came home and opened the toilet door to say, how's it going to find me breaking in the toilet floor? Just testing it. She laughed. I was like, I'm so sorry.

Explain the situation. She laughed and she'd just been to the supermarket. That laughed. I was like, I'm so sorry. Explain the situation. She laughed and she'd just been to the supermarket. That's why there was no toilet paper. She bought me in a fresh roll.

Brilliant. That's lovely. Well, there you go. People just need to go, don't they, Megan? It's like your washing machine repair guy. I want to finish on,

well, this one literally just came in. Okay. I'm a paramedic. Oh, no. Oh, no. They don't have toilets on board, do they? We got a call I'm a paramedic. Oh, no. Oh, no. They don't have toilets on board, do they? We got a call out to a patient's house.

Unfortunately, when we got there, the person had passed away, but still needed to do a poo. I'm sorry. Can I just use the toilet? It's bad news about Roger. He's dead, but where's your shirt up? That's my favourite one. That's my favourite one because I'm squatting in a wardrobe over a zip slide bag.

Brilliant. But having to pronounce someone dead and then ask if you can take their shit is the chalk and cheese of events that go after each other. Ever. It would not happen in any other scenario. If a doctor does it at the hospital, they're like, he's dead. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to see other patients. Lies, he's off for a toilet. No, no one knows.

A paramedic's there in their house. They have to say what they're doing and then ask to use their... Brilliant. I love it. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. CNBC is reporting that Netflix is sometime in the next three months going to charge a couple of bucks more per month for Netflix.

Why? That's all right with you? Is it money bags? No, no. It's just like when smokes go up, people are like, ah! They just, you suck it up, don't you? Ah, I'll keep smoking. But it's also not like we can go and rob our dairy of Netflix, can we?

Yeah, and I don't care because I'm on my parents' account now. You're still suckling on the teat of mother and father when it comes to online streaming services. Perfect. Do they know that you've done this? Yes. Well, and the other day I said, Mummy, what's the Netflix password?

And she was like, well, did you write it in the password notebook? Of course. So she knows that I've set up. And I've set up my account on the screen. It says Megan. So every time she logs on, she can see. Did your brother get your brother one? Yeah, but I gave him the alien eyes profile picture.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because you can pick what you've got. I've got like the raccoon face. I've got the super girl. Oh, yeah. Good play. I'm Panda. What? I'm the Panda. You're the Panda. Is it the ride. I've got the super girl. Oh, yeah. Good play. I'm Panda.

You're what? I'm the Panda. You're the Panda. Is it the Panda, the green Panda? Pretty cute. What you choose for your Netflix emoji tells a lot about you. Well, I'm cute and cuddly. Yeah.

So that fits, doesn't it? But your mum's actually become quite addicted to Netflix, isn't she? She apparently, Dad said that it's been late nights every night because she's just like, Oh, what's this? Oh, like just, you know, how Netflix seduced so many things. When it gets you with the clip next episode, doesn't it? She watched The Crown? She, no, she likes action shoot-em-up situations.

I know. Really? Yeah, she doesn't like the romance. Hadn't pinned her for that. No. Well, apparently customers can expect $1 to $2. This is a US dollar amount story. $1 to $2 per month rise depending on their plan of choice.

Basic plans will go from eight to nine. Because what's a basic plan here? $12.99? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. So is this definitely happening in New Zealand? Well, if it's happening in America at all, I'm assuming it'll happen everywhere. But then they get more choice of stuff.

They've got like huge libraries. Yeah. Of stuff. I hear people say that and they're like, Netflix, New Zealand. God, I couldn't get through it. No, they've got so many shows. I've got like 15 series on that My Watch list. Yeah.

And then every time I'm like, right, finish one, I'm going to go to My Watch list. I see a new one and I'm like, I'll watch this now. Begrudgingly like, okay, I'll be entertained. So NCEA exam results came out yesterday. I hope everybody got what they wanted. Oh, some people get, you know, you hear those friends that got parents that would pay them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like for passing and stuff in exams or get cars. Just jealous. None of us ever heard that. No. Nah. But I imagine yesterday there would have been a bit of that. Yeah. Parents having to cough up.

I just wonder if any parent sort of like bit off more than they could chew. Like at the start of the year, they're like, car if you can get them all. And then the kid was like, well. God, Tessa, we thought you were bloody stupid. You've coughed your father and I an arm and a leg. Turns out we're stupid, Tessa. Not you, you precious angel. You're going to save this family from ruin.

Now, the car. We lied to you. Never specify what type of car. No, no, no. Just say, ah, car. It's an 86 Corolla. So I was reading a Reddit thread last night just about people getting NCA results and where to get them and options if you didn't get them.

I thought it was quite a cool post, actually, just saying, look, it's not the end of the world and there's lots of options out there for you. Yeah. And somebody said that they are in their late 20s and they said, I just want you to all know that I still have nightmares about school exams. Oh, my God. And I'm in my late 20s.

And I was like, I thought I was the only one. You still have nightmares. I finished school ages ago. Yeah. But I'll still every now and then have some weird dream where I'm in my final year. It's always the final year of high school for some reason. Okay. And I've forgotten about an exam or I didn't study for an exam

or I wagged school for the whole year but had to go for the exam. And I have these like anxiety dreams where I'm sitting at a desk being like I don't know what I'm doing what does that say about like the pressure that's put on you at school

I don't know yeah that like what is it 19 ooh make myself sound old but there's no youth denying the fact 20 years ago I started my final year at school I'm stressed

you're old grandad you're old you should do that photo challenge I started my final year at school. Stress. You're old, bro. You're old. You should do that photo challenge. That girl is a hot mess too. So, you know, like 20 years later, it's still every now and then, not as bad.

Like when I was in my 20s, early 20s, like years after I left school, I would have them all the time. That's so weird. I don't think I've ever had a dream where I'm stressing about exams. I have the exam one, either that you've turned up like an hour late and you've missed half the time, or you've turned up naked. Yep.

Or you've missed it. Somebody in this said they have this same dream, they turn up to their English exam and they look down and they've got no hands. Oh my God. How are they going to write? I also have one that you've got an assignment due and you're supposed to hand it in already. And I wake up and I'm like,

why didn't I start that? Oh my God. Do you think I don't have these dreams because I didn't care as much about the exams? Did you pass? Well, like a few. Were you like a good... I passed the ones I needed to.

I needed good English grades to get into like... Did your parents put much pressure on you? No. See, I think it's parental pressure for me. They were like, you will pass. They were all about it. And it's good because I was the sort of kid that needed it because otherwise I just would have done nothing.

But I looked up what it's supposed to mean when you have like exam nightmares. It's in. Yeah. And apparently it's because you're being put to the test or being scrutinised in some area of your waking life. Do you feel scrutinised? Always.

When are you ever scrutinised in your real life? Like, when? No, you're right. That doesn't happen. People wouldn't. They wouldn't dare. We try and put pressure on you, but you don't do anything with any pace.

I would dare not be scrutinised. No. People wouldn't know better. In the news today, you might see that there's going to be an increase in the price of eggs. I've read similar articles that know they've gone up like 10%. All this food's gone up in price. I haven't read all the details, but you're a guy who, hey, you love eggs. Oh my God.

You love eggs. Sometimes I my God. You love eggs. Sometimes I'll have omelettes for dinner. And that's not dinner's jurisdiction. Is it? That's breakfast jurisdiction. That's a breakfast or brunch jurisdiction. That's like the FBI coming in and taking over a local police investigation. It's like a casual Sunday dinner.

You're more of a quiche. Once you get past midday, it should probably be more of a quiche. No, I know, but what I'm saying is you should make an omelette same ingredients just a slightly different preparation

but it's too long to make a quiche exactly an omelette's done in minutes you are like the ultimate bachelor oh yeah

absolutely I'll do what I want when I want I'll eat omelettes for dinner omelette for dinner that's how I roll but yeah you're right

and I've noticed eggs are expensive and because you want you don't want to you want to buy the free range you don't want to get the cage yeah Well, it's for dinner. I'm up for dinner. It's how I roll. But yeah, you're right. And I've noticed eggs are expensive. And because you want to buy the free range. You don't want to get the cage. Yeah. Otherwise people judge at the supermarket. That's the only reason. And I care about animal welfare.

So here is a happy coincidence. Okay. That when we moved, the place we moved to has this big old chicken coop. How big? Like, it's really big. It's weirdly big. Because I did think when we went around to see your new place for the first time, I thought, you've got to get chickens.

Yeah. Because growing up, we had chickens. We had chickens too. And you have so many eggs. And we only had like five or six chickens. Yeah. But they just add up because they do one a day. Yeah.

And then if they stop, you just cut them. They're out of the... You just let them go to a farm next door. You retire. They retire them. I mean, you think about five or six eggs a day. Yeah. Times, you know, a week and then times a month. You can't keep up. You have to give them away to friends. And this is where I'm right here. I know. That's right. You're going to be on board. Free eggs. Free, free range. Put two frees in front of range, it's even better than one. Yep. So it's been a long time since this has housed chickens.

It's like, you know, every now and then you'll see in the news, it's like, look at this ridiculous Hearn Bay or Ponsonby Villa that went for $1.8 million. Yep. And then they've got to renovate it. Yeah. It's pretty much like that, except it's not $1.8 million. So it's like rotting and there's like

a beam that comes out because it's got the chicken house but then there's like this lean-to on the side where they can just chill. Right. Like a conservatory for chickens. So it's probably like the like if it was for student chickens, if you were to compare it to like a student flat. You know like a house

that kind of. Oh like really big. Yeah. Or just like run down. Or two or three very wealthy chickens. Okay. Or maybe like eight to ten student chickens. So I was thinking with egg prices going up, it's the perfect time to start renovating the chicken coop or as I'm calling it...

The block! The block! The block. The block. Except there'll be no Peter Wolf camp because you can't let a wolf near the chickens, can you? Or a fox. I don't quite know how that works. But are you going to get a cease and desist from the block? The actual block?

I don't know. It's not called the block. It's called the block. It's called the block. Block. It's called the block. Block. Yeah. So, I don't know. It's not called the block. It's called the block. It's called the block. Block. Block. It's called the block. Block. Yeah.

So, I don't know. Do you need a hand? Yeah. Because I will help. You can be orange team. Free eggs. Can I just have free eggs? What's your favourite colour?

What's your colour? Pink. Pink team. I want to be blue team. Blue team. I'll be blue team. Can I be in charge of interior design? Yep.

But you've got to research what makes the good interior of a chicken coop. Well, I'm just going to do what looks good. What will I be in charge of? I don't know. What do you want, landscaping? What's your area of expertise? I don't know. I don't want to...

Chicken mani-pedis. That sounds like a recipe, though. A chicken mani-pedi. It does. Sounds like a slow cook. You'd cook it in a tangine. Yeah. A tangine. Swipping up a chicken mani-pedi in a... What? A a, you're cooking a tangine. Yeah. A tangine.

Swipping up a chicken mani-pedi in a, what? A tangine. A tar-gine. Tar-gine. Tangine. Tangine.

Close enough. Yeah, you know, you try your best, that's all you can ask for. So, yeah, I'm going to start the bleh.

The bleh. Can you actually document this? I need sponsors though. Right, like Freedom Furniture. And now the contestants are off to Bunnings. Well, we could take Wild Beans coffee grounds and spread them around

because that encourages bugs, doesn't it? And then the chickens would have something to scratch in. But then you've got chickens that have got caffeine in their system. Hot. And then you have their eggs for breakfast and you're getting a little caffeine. I can't be having eggs for dinner though

to keep me up. Oh yeah, true. Coffee eggs. There's caffeine in the omelette. There's a time in a day for the coffee eggs. I love this idea. So how many chickens

can you have in there? I don't know because I don't know I've never had chickens before. I don't know how many chickens you can have per square foot. Also, where do you get chickens from?

Like alive ones? I don't know. And I you can have per square foot. Also, where do you get chickens from? Like alive ones? And I've been watching these guys because I've kind of been thinking about this chicken coop, but we went away over summer so I was like I can't deal with this until I get back. But there's this place that rescues chickens that have been in cage scenarios and never been outside.

And they rescue like, they tell these people, they're like, look, we understand that you may have got into this business not knowing that the chickens weren't going to have a happy life, but we're giving you the opportunity to free them. Oh, they can't be roaming in your block. I know. This is great news. I know. Now, did I see correctly on Instagram, Arden Matoodles get chickens?

Yeah, they did actually. And I'm like, I hope people don't think I'm copying and have been influenced by New Zealand's two biggest social media influencers. Did they get rescue chickens? No, they look very posh. Their chickens look speckled. Like there's a speckled hen. Well, you can message my toodles and ask you where they got these from. Because you want posh, but you don't want to get the rescue chickens.

But you get a couple of posh ones. But then it also isn't rough. To influence the other ones. They don't get ugly couples on the block, do they? They don't run. To influence the other ones. They don't get ugly couples on the block, do they? They don't actually. Wait, do you mean that's us out or us in? Well, no, the chickens are the stars. We're just kind of there in the background running things.

We should get sponsorship. This is brilliant. Yeah, I know. It's going to be great. I'm assuming. Let's get ourselves some free flights as well. There'll be a car sponsor I don't know

To where? Cars, flights And then we'll have an auction Yeah I don't know what for Eggs The first eggs laid The first eggs laid

we'll have an auction And it'll be that disappointing auction where they keep like even though they're not really bidding they're just there to fill seats

they'll keep focusing on the Asians in the crowd to freak out white people at home that are blaming immigrants for ruining the housing even though, you know,

we've kind of done that ourselves. Yeah. I love this. This is brilliant. Yeah, and then someone will be sitting at home

and they're like, typical Asians buying up all New Zealand eggs. And then the network will be rubbing their hands together because that's really

what they want to happen. They want people to talk about the auction even though the show's nearly over and they're like, yes, yes, yes. This is brilliant.

Do we have a launch date? Should we? Well, I don't know. I've got to see if Mark Richardson's free first. We don't want him there. No, that's why it'll be better than the Blerk. The Blerk is going to be better than the Blerk because there's no Mark Richardson.

And that is a guarantee. Well, it wasn't you and Mr. Toyboy kissing on Instagram that I'd like to touch on now. It's a little throwaway comment you made to me yesterday about your holiday scams. No, because now I'm worried I'm going to be lumped in with these travellers. You are the travellers.

The travellers that are making all the headlines here. Megan, you were doing it overseas. You're practically one of these rowdy tourists. Are you referring to my hotel? Yes. Tell everybody what you did. So it was suggested to me that this would be like something that could work. But on all our bookings, we noted that it was our honeymoon.

Wait, so when you made the bookings, where do you put it in additional notes? Yeah. You put it, it's our honeymoon. Yeah, you just like make a wee note with the hotel that it's our honeymoon. Now, technically. It's a honeymoon. We're booking a three-star hotel with like a budget room. Shut up.

It's our honeymoon. Well, not everyone can afford five stars. I know, but like, come on. It's like two nights in an average up. It's our honeymoon. Well, not everyone can afford five stars. I know, but like, come on. It's like two nights in an average room. It's like. Now, I have already had a honeymoon, but technically a lot of hotels will honour honeymoon bookings within a year because you know how people like get married

and then sometimes you like wait. They have a delayed honeymoon. Yeah, you have a delayed honeymoon. Okay. Because a lot of places will, if they're going to do something for you, ask for like a wedding certificate or whatever. We didn't take it because we were like, if they'll ask, we'll just say, oh, we don't have it.

But we stayed in four, five different hotels. Yeah. And it worked for three of them. That is unbelievable. So what did they give you? Just like a fruit basket and a bottle of champagne? No, yeah. One of the places gave us a bottle of wine and like chocolates and stuff.

And then another one upgraded us to what can only be described as a suite. So we had a lounge. We had a walk-in wardrobe. We had a bath and a shower and a huge marble bathroom. I was like, oh my. How long were you at that hotel for? Only two nights. So that's not enough time to wire in a walk-in wardrobe, in my opinion.

No. But we got like gift baskets at all three. You basically, you lied to these people. Well, it was within a year. It could be a second honeymoon. But also, I didn't demand anything. It was just put there passively for them to ignore or do something with should they choose. So at check-in, you didn't

remind them? You didn't say, oh, by the way, it's her honeymoon? No, but the one where we got the suite, they said, oh, you have been upgraded to like the sixth floor on this like fancy room. And I was like, is that a moment? I was about to ask why and then I was like, no, that's right, it's your honeymoon.

Oh, it makes my holiday scam look weak in comparison. What's your holiday scam? Every time we got to the airport and there was like a really long queue, I'd say to the kids, look really tired

and look a bit sick and I'd pick them up and I'd be like, I'd walk up to the like VIP check-in. Yeah. Like the Thai equivalent of like Koru Club

or that sort of thing. And I'd be like, hey, I don't suppose we could just check in. And look like, I'd be like, August really played up. She loved it. She was like. But I'd say that Indy looked really tired and looked like sick, like slump over that bag a little bit. And she'd be like, why do you want me to slump over the bag?

Ah, you shush. Dad's scam's not going to work if you're bloody telling everybody about it. Never got turned away once. Wow, it worked. And like, they ushered us past immigration lines

and everything. Be like, oh, come this way, come this way. Which they do for people with like little kids, but my kids are like nearly five and nearly seven.

They're old enough to stand in a line. But no, you pick one up and you're like, pat the back of its head. You're like, it's okay, it's okay.

You were holding your five-year-old patting the back of her head. Yeah, yeah. That makes it look like's okay. You were holding your five-year-old, patting the back of her head. Yeah, yeah. That makes it look like something's wrong. But then you don't want to do it going into a country they're worried about your kid coming in with like the flu or something. Oh, right.

Yeah, they won't let you in. They're like, oh, you got sick. Or just got a bit sick on the aeroplane. Just a bit of vomit on the aeroplane. Come this way. Come around the queue. That's a good one. Unbelievable.

That'll work a treat. Can we open up the lines and take some calls of your tips and scams to get free stuff? Well, I prefer tips. Upgrades. Yeah, it doesn't have to be travel. Maybe you've just got a little tip to get something free.

Okay. 0800 dials at M9696 because this is great because then we can... We're all learning. We can learn these things and then try them on ourselves. Yeah. Because you can try the honeymoon thing at check-in for flights, but that doesn't work. Everyone always says try it on.

Because we went to a resort and when I was filling in the check-in thing, details about yourself, it said social media. And I thought, that's weird. So I wrote my Instagram account and Sade's like, right beside it, how many followers you've got?

And I get this like an upgrade or something. I was like, I'm not writing that, that's weird. I'm not writing in brackets, and in case you wish to check. But it didn't do anything. Okay. I'll wait. Hendrew Diles at M9696.

Your scams to get free stuff. Give us a call. FEM. So your tips to getting free stuff. There us a call. FM. So your tips to getting free stuff. There is a fine line between Megan's honeymoon scam to upgrade a hotel room and becoming one of these British travellers. No, because I was passive about it. I didn't demand anything.

That's the difference, I think. You're not planting hair in food or ants in food? No. No? Or yelling at anyone. Yes. No. Slippery slope.

This is a gateway. This is how it starts, Megan, isn't it? This is how it starts. Someone's angry at you, Megan. They said, on our actual honeymoon, we got nothing. Probably because of your fibbers. We'll try again on our second honeymoon. Which is coming up soon.

Try it on. Sarah, you can match Megan's honeymoon story. Yeah. My husband and I actually got married six years ago in March. Okay. And we lived in Vietnam. Paid $50 a night for our hotel. And I said we were on our honeymoon.

Okay. We got food. We got free massages. Our rooms were upgraded. Free bottles of wine. Fruit baskets. Okay. This is six years later and you paid $50 a night.

This is unbelievable. It was amazing. But she didn't demand anything. This also doesn't work for solo travellers like myself. I can't say I'm on honeymoon. Or could I say my wife just died? Would that work? Probably.

My wife just died! I'm in mourning. Do you have any sweets? You could try it. Thanks, my God. I'm in mourning. Do you have any sweets? Hey, thanks. Yes, I try. Thanks for your call, Sarah. George, you've got a tip or a, is it a scam? Yeah, yep, yep, yep.

What do you do? So, music festivals, we find like any festivals, like the line for the food, is it ridiculous? Insane. It is, yes. So what you do is there's normally a line where you line up and pay, and there's a line where you line up and collect your food. Yeah.

So what we'll do is we'll just go straight to the line where you line up and collect your food. Okay. So free food. But then when it was real busy, that was real easy. But then it got a bit boring. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. So you're stealing somebody else's order?

Well, yes and no. It's already been be a Christmas crime. We're talking about cheeky upgrades and stuff, mate. We're not talking about theft. Well, I've done it. What you do, and then what you do is you jump in the line where you, like, bugger all people around. Right.

Because you figure those places are just creamy in any way. Whoa! Are they? George. George, that's just stealing. That's not getting a cheeky upgrade. No, no, no. It's acquiring. It's part of your ticket.

Right. I'm going to query on that one again, George. Separate business. Those are independent retailers that, you know, slaving away at a music festival having to put up with drunk idiots. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, still what I'm saying. I don't think we can... slaving away at a music festival having to put up with drunk idiots. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. No, still doesn't. I don't think we're changing. He went through three excuses and everyone just got progressively weaker. Yeah, I don't think we're changing his mind at all, are we?

Tyler, what's your tip? It's me. Yeah, Tyler, yes, good morning. Oh, yes, sorry. No, welcome to the show. If you're booking a hotel or some other kind of thing, oftentimes you have to put a down payment

or you have to give your credit card. And if you want to cancel it within a couple of days of going, they'll charge you for cancelling really late. But if you call up and move your booking back, they won't charge you for that. And then you just call the next day and cancel it. I've done that. I've done this.

Wait, what? So if you can't, you push it back to be within the cancelling range. Yes, and then you cancel later and you don't get charged. Oh, so you ring up one day and you're like, I was going to come next week

but can I come next month now? Yeah. And they move it and then you ring up the week later and you're like, I need to cancel my booking. Sometimes that doesn't work though because it depends

who you book with online. That is... You hope you get a different person the next day. Wow. So good. Great tip. All right, get a different person the next day. Wow. So good. Great tip. All right, thanks, Tyler.

Some text messages. Somebody said, a lot of places that give kids free stuff for their birthdays, like a meal, et cetera, never actually ask to see a kid's ID

because the only ID kids have is birth certificates and no one carries those around. Our kids had about 10 birthdays one year and never got asked

to book one. Oh, my God. Cheeky. That's a guy. That's getting close to a George, that one year and never got our support. Oh, my God. Cheeky. That's getting close to a George, that one. You've got to trust the kids, though, not to drop you in it. Yes, I know. They get too questiony. Somebody else said,

as someone who works for a significant New Zealand hotel group, Megan, I hope you appreciate you're reducing the chances of genuine honeymooners not receiving any benefits every time you lie. I'm going to mum. Oh, wow. I'm going to mum? I never demanded anything. Do they only have an allocation for so many honeymooners a week or a month, do you think? Well, I guess it depends how busy the hotel is.

Yeah, if nothing else is in that room. And you, as you say, you're just fishing, aren't you? Just put it there. You're not threatening anybody, are you? No. It's cheeky, it's cheeky. There you go. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Today's fact of the day is that your dog can do complicated trigonometry. That makes me feel stupid. Wait, is trigonometry the angles one? Isn't that syntangos? Yeah, that's the buttons on the calculator, but I'm pretty sure they relate to... Yeah, it's the trigonometry. Syntangos.

Syntangos. I made my mum buy me the most expensive scientific calculator, and then I was so shit at maths. Like, I've still got it, though. My calculator. Still going? Yeah, but your iPhone,, I've still got it, though. My calculator. Still going? Yeah, but your iPhone, if you turn it sideways, goes into a sign calculator.

Yeah, it's the lengths and angles of triangles. Syntangle. That's what it's called. No, trigonometry. Oh, yeah, whatever. So your dog can do complex trigonometry. This is how. Okay.

This is under an article I found called The Mathematics of Fetch. Okay. If you throw a ball into found called The Mathematics of Fetch. Okay. If you throw a ball into the water, if you throw a ball into the water, a dog will work out the quickest way to it. So say you're on a beach or a lake and you throw a ball kind of down the lake but into the water, your dog will work out the quickest way to get there because it'll work out that if it's quicker on land than it is at water, it will run on the land to get as close as it can to it before it gets into the water rather than just straight lining it

and jumping into the water. For a ball. Right. Because if you throw a stick on land, like straight away from you, the dog just runs straight at it. Yeah. But if you throw it on an angle into the water, the dog will run along the beach and then jump in

because it will work out the quickest way to get to the ball by running the longest distance on ground because it's faster on the earth than it is in the water. Right. So it works out effectively. But what about when I go to throw a tennis ball and I don't throw it and it runs along because it's stupid? It freaks out.

So that's another one. So like a ball like that or a frisbee, there's another one that a dog, this guy worked this out, this Arizona psychology professor, he mounted a camera on the head of a dog and found that when you throw a frisbee or a ball that they can chase while it's in motion, the dog changes its speed and direction to keep the frisbee right in the middle of its vision. Oh, okay. Whoa.

So if you watch them when you throw, I saw a video of a dog doing it. When you throw it, the dog keeps its, it moves its head and tracks it. So it keeps it right in the middle. And if it's running and looking back, it keeps the angle so it keeps the thing it's chasing right in the middle of its vision, so it's got the best chance of being able to catch it without losing sight of it. Smart creatures.

I know. Way smarter than cats. But not as smart as octopuses. Okay. I've been reading a lot. We're going into the whole animal kingdom. I've been reading a lot about octopuses. So dog versus octopus? No.

Octopus every time. Okay, obviously. Well, octopus can take down sharks. So there was an octopus in one of these stories I've been reading about octopuses. Octopi. Octopi. Octopi. In an aquarium and the fish were disappearing.

Yeah. And everybody's like, where are these fish going? This is so weird. Dirt's eating the fish. No, different tank. It was on the other side of the aquarium. Oh, what? The octopus in question.

Had a ladder. No, they put a security camera on the fish tank. The octopus memorized the security guard's nighttime routine and waited until he just walked past and then slipped out of his tank, went in, ate the fish, came back, got back in its tank before the security guard came back around on its route. Wouldn't there have been some

water puddles? There may have been. If he can work out his routine, he probably could grab a towel or shake his... Was there video of it? Could you see the security footage? Shake his tentacle off it. I didn't see it, but it was in there. There's famous footage

of the sharks Because the sharks Kept disappearing From the octopus tanks And they were like What's happening And it was the octopus And it takes down a shark Drills into its brain

Yeah Knew it's weakest spot It's like Octopi What's the That's the sound Of a shark dying Because it gets its brain

And it goes And dies And they don't make noise For their sharks do they No of a shark dying. Oh. Blah. Because it gets its brain and it goes, blah, and dies. And they don't make noise for the sharks, do they? Sure. But yeah,

great, amazing creatures. Wow. Has anyone asked the shark to speak? Like, do we know? They probably don't.

Like, they don't make noises like dolphins, do they? Imagine if you were like, sharks speak, and it was like, da-da,

da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. What a happy coincidence. So today's fact of the day is your dog can do complex trigonometry by working out the quickest way to a ball when you throw it into the water.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. This is why. Fat. This is why. Fat. This is why.

This is why. This is why. Fat. This sounds good. Do you guys find it easier in winter to keep a good diet and weight and stuff? I do find it easier in winter because there's not the opportunity to

sit outside and drink beers and stuff in the sun. So many functions. Garlic breads. But other people are always like, winter's hard because you just want to, I don't know, eat junk food and stay inside. But I find it the opposite. Yeah. Harder in summer because there's so much more temptation.

Like this. Well, this one's, this is coming ahead for Easter. Easter, by the way, is almost in full swing. Full noise at the supermarket. So every aisle has Easter eggs. There's hot, I've seen hot cross buns. Nuts. Well, M&M's have launched a brand new

Easter-centric flavour. Now, we know that these will be released in Australia. Yes. But we don't get as many because last time I was in Australia, they had like a

Lamington flavour. They had heaps of flavours. Yeah. And we don't get as many here. So maybe these will come here. Hot cross bun flavoured M&M's. No, that's so good. So they don't have the cross across them like. Hot cross bun flavoured M&Ms. That's so good.

So they don't have the cross across them like a hot cross bun. They've still just got the standard M. Yeah. And in three colours, sort of a cream, sort of a light brown and then a dark brown. So the colours of the hot cross bun there. So you're getting a chocolate, I'd imagine, some doughy cinnamony spice? Yes. So it's a mixture of browns and a light peach.

There's a cakiness taste to them and a hint of mixed spice present. Oh, my God. Oh, those would be amazing. But a flavour reviewer has said that they wish that mixed spice flavour that is associated with a hot cross bun lasted a little longer and was a little stronger. Well, you could do two of those. It's a light hot cross bun flavour to them.

But all the reviews are pretty good. Someone said 8 out of 10. Somebody else said 9 out of 10. Somebody else said it's a straight 10 out of 10. Yeah, right. Okay, so they're good. Yeah. Oh, please.

Well, we might need someone to mule us over. We might need someone to mule us over. We might need someone to mule us over some from Australia. Yeah. Make it here. And they come in a sizable pack as well. It looks like a family size. Well, that's a one person size. You know those Maltesers packs are like family size? I'm like, no.

That's a one person. Just judging you as you're sitting there eating by yourself. Family of people with not a sweet tooth? Yeah, I can eat a pack of those before the ads finish or the trailers finish at the movies. I'm like, oh, I've run out. Family pack my ass. Not a very good family.

Not a very hungry family as it turns out. They need to sell those buckets. The buckets of Maltese. Get back into the bucket. Those would be $800 at the movies. That's the problem. You get to the movies, you're like, oh, I'll just call the bank and take out a mortgage. Hold on just a minute.

It's for a bucket of Maltesers. Yeah. I'm like, oh, yeah, we get this request a lot. Well, fingers crossed they make it here. M&M's, Easter, hot crossbar flavour. Yeah. Fact. This is why.

Fact. This is why. This is why. This is why. Fact.DM's Fletch Vaughn and Megan

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