ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - January 23 2020

Episode Date: January 22, 2020

Fletch had a sausage dilemma, Community Notices and what food creeps you out?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music. Lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Thanks, Ash. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Good morning. Good morning. Getting targeted advertising for Pandora bracelets. Why? I don't know. Did you mention them? No, not until right now. Unless it's got so good it knows you're going to mention something.

So it precedes you mentioning it by showing it to you. Your wife's birthday's coming up, it knows that. That's true. Does she need another one of those? She doesn't wear her If she asked for one, I'd do that thing and be like, you don't use your last one. I'd do that. Right. I wouldn't mind thing and be like, you don't use your last one. I'd do that.

Right. I wouldn't mind a pen or a charm. You don't use the ones you've got. That's what I'd say. In that tone too. Yeah. That's a classic. It's a dad classic too.

Yeah, it is. Dad, we want to say, you don't use the one you've got. See how good that rolls off the tongue really easily. Yeah, they teach you that at antenatal class. Do they? When they take the dads out of the room. They're like, there's a few sayings you're going to have to be able to do. Like, there's food at home and... You don't use the one you've got.

Yeah. Were you born in a tent? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or we're not air conditioning the whole neighbourhood. Yeah, that's a classic one there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think we're made of money? That's another one.

Oh, yeah. There's lots. There's a dictionary. They give you a book. I'll bring it in. Right. I've broken the dad code, though, telling non-dads the dad sayings.

Oh, yeah. And there's a mum one as well. Where does that go? I made it, you'll bloody well eat it. Ask your father, which also means no. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe read between the lines on that one. That's generally a no as well.

All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Story time. I've sourced three news headlines from news websites around the world. And Vaughan and Megan must pick one of the three headlines that I read out. Headline one, double trouble. Headline two, woman calls off at Miami airport. And headline three, wife's need for lighter pays off.

Oh. Double trouble. You like that one? Well, I just, it's not, usually your headlines have a, well, it's just what the headline is, isn't it? What was story two? Woman calls off at Miami airport. Calls off.

Calls off, yeah. Wait, do you want double? She's gone for a swim at the airport, has she? Called off? Cooled off? No. No? Double travel or... What was the last one?

Wife's need for lighter pays off. Yeah, that one. You want that one? I think so. Odd. Yeah, or you're just like fan-truing about the other two and then you decide to go that one. What did she want to write it for?

How was she calling off and why? There's lots of questions. What's story number one? Double Trouble. Or Double Trouble. Is that? I don't know. You choose.

Oh, I don't know. You choose. Oh, I don't care. It sounds like I'm struggling because I'm so invested, but I just don't care enough to pick one. Right. Well, you've got to. The lighter. You shit on me before for saying I wanted that one. Or double trouble. Well, you sparked my got to The lighter You should have me before for saying I wanted that one. Well you

sparked my interest in the double trouble one but then I'm also like how did she call off? Double trouble. Can you just like give us a tidbit of all of them? Double trouble. You want double trouble. Alright we go now to Sri Lanka. Sri Lanka. Which I'd love to visit one day. I've heard the beaches are amazing.

And there was an attempt just a couple of days ago in Sri Lanka. Which I'd love to visit one day. I've heard the beaches are amazing. Yep. And there was an attempt just a couple of days ago in Sri Lanka to attempt to set a world record for the largest gathering of twins. Now, the double trouble has happened because too many twins turned up to this event. They were called. They called on all the island's twins to gather in this one place in a stadium in Colombo, in the capital, to break Taiwan's Guinness

World Record set in 1999. Now, that record was 3,961 pairs of twins. That's insane! That's insane! And there were 37 sets of triplets and four sets of quadruplets. Do they count towards it?

Well, if you had a couple of quadruplets, would that be two? But that's not twins, that's quadruplets. Okay. I wasn't sure on the population of Sri Lanka. I'm surprised to learn it's 21.4 million. You're kidding me. Wow. Oh, there's going to be a heck of a load.

And it's a small, is it a small country? It's not massive. Like, would it fit on, like, the South Island? Or is it bigger than that? Oh. Should I Google square kilometres? Yes, Google square kilometres. Sri Lanka, square kilometres. Yes, Google square kilometres. Sri Lanka square kilometres.

But again, probably mostly. 65,000 square kilometres. Well, what's the South Island? How many square kilometres is the? 268,000 square kilometres for all of New Zealand. So yeah, the South Island would definitely be bigger. The South Island is 150,000 square kilometres. Yeah, so way bigger.

Okay, right. Way would definitely be bigger. The South Island is 150,000 square kilometres. Yeah, so way bigger. Okay, right. Way bigger than Sri Lanka. It'd be easy with a country of 20 million people and that kind of small country to get to Colombo. Where do they fit them all? Here's where the trouble, the double trouble started. A bigger than expected crowd flocked to the stadium, causing long queues,

meaning that strict rules on registration were hindered because, you know, the Guinness Book of World Records have very strict rules. I know that whenever radio stations have done, when we've done Guinness World Records in the past, everything has to be documented, filmed. Oh, it's a pain in the arse. You end up just doing it.

Yeah, someone might have to be there from Guinness Book of World Records. And so if the people aren't, I'm guessing they might have needed like a birth certificate as well, just to prove it. So these lines were just insane. And yeah, they just couldn't end up going through with the world record. But they tried.

They tried their best. They did try, yeah. Who do you think's got a higher population, Sri Lanka or Nepal? Sri Lanka. Nepal. Nepal's got 29 million. Oh, really? You're kidding.

Nah. I just knew that was a trap. I wonder we're getting shocker. I wonder we're getting, yeah. I wonder how our environment is spiralling out of control. There's so many of us, aren't there? Yeah. Goodness me.

Organisers in Sri Lanka reckon they would have had about 5,000 twins as well. Isn't that nuts? Wow. Yeah. That's 10,000 people. Apparently there are 14,000 pairs. Good work from you.

There are 14,000 pairs of twins registered with the organisation in Sri Lanka. Crazy. Wow. Who even knew there was an organisation

like any sort of twin registry? Yeah. Registrar. I wonder how many twins have been in New Zealand. Would you be able to know? Surely the census would tell you.

Oh, I can't remember any questions. Are you a twin? I never remember that question in the census. Many twins in New Zealand. Every year in New Zealand, around a thousand couples find themselves expecting twins.

That gives me bugger all information. Well, just time set by, it's 2020. Must be heaps. Heaps. Because they're all still alive from 2,000 years ago too. Yeah, exactly. That's right.

Because twins live forever. That's right. Somebody said, should I be entitled to more maternity leave if I have twins? That's a good question. Because you've got two now. Yeah, I'd say so. We've spoken before about the facial recognition software they're using in China. That's

pretty scary stuff. Oh, it's horrible. Yeah. Now the officials have had to apologise because they've used it to shame some people and it's for an everyday thing. So the facial recognition software is supposed to be used

to kind of stop uncivilised behaviour. And they have the social rating. It's like an episode of Black Mirror. It's horrible. So if your social rating dips below a certain level,

you're banned from travelling, like air travel, rail travel. Yeah, I was going to say even domestic travel. You're not even allowed to use the train. So this has happened in a city called Suzhou,

and it is six million people. Okay. They have publicly shamed people for wearing pyjamas in public. So they have posted pictures of these people with their names and said how you shouldn't be wearing pyjamas in public. They have a lack of public morals. That is just next level. Like imagine you just go out and you're not dressed well

and then you're on a Facebook page. Yeah, with your name. Because a security camera recognised you and identified you. Yeah. So obviously everyone was like, you can't do that. Like that's not uncivilised behaviour. They're just wearing their jammies out. We've all had that moment at the weekend

where we're hungover in our comfy clothes and we just need to nip out and get some snacks. Yeah. They did apologise and they've taken it down. So I don't think they'll be doing it anymore. But at least everyone felt sorry for the people. And like, some of the jammies were really nice. We're not talking like Nancy has.

Or like Peter Alexander's. Like matching. Oh, okay. One had pink florals with frilly bits, and it was matching satiny. They chose their good jammies to go out in. I mean, I wouldn't go out in my jammies. No, I probably wouldn't.

Personally. Either. Living in West Auckland, Vaughan, how many jammies do you see at the supermarket? When we lived in suburban West Auckland, a lot. A lot. But not as much now.

He lives in Cumbia. I live in rural West Auckland. But I tell you what people love wearing to the supermarket. Gumboats. Jollipers. What are jollipers? Those horse riding pants. Jodpers? Jodpers? If I'm answering that wrong, jollipers? What are jollipers? Jodpers? If I'm not saying that wrong, Jollipers? What are Jollipers? Jodpers.

What those like real tight- It's Jollipers, right? Am I laughing too hard? Real tight pants around the legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they go out at the side. Oh, don't go too far. And they've got extra padding and extra lining.

Oh, right. It's not like pyjamas, but you do see a lot of those. And the higher the news news you will boot. I'm just googling Jollipers. How would you spell Jollipers? I would spell it J-O-L-L I-P-E-R-S Jollipers.

Is that a thing? No. Jodhpurs. You're right. How about how that's spelt though? J-O-D-H-P Jodhpurs. Jodhpurs. Why are they called that? JodO-D-H-P. Jodpers. Jodpers. Why are they called that? Jodpers. More than Jodpers.

Aren't they like Nazi pants? The Nazis. Like the Nazi uniform. They had that kind of cut, didn't they? They were a fan. But a lot of military uniforms back then did. Did, right. Okay, so you just don't buy green. Even American and British ones had a baggie of thigh.

Okay. I don't know what the idea You don't want to be at an equestrian event looking like a Nazi. Probably due to the hangover of they would ride into battle.

Oh, you're right. On the horses. Yeah. The cavalry. Said that right? I'm second guessing myself on everything now. Jollipers.

Maybe I need some jodpers. Come on. myself on everything now. Jollipers. Maybe I need some jodpers. Fletchbourne and Megan's Community Notices. Hello and welcome to Community Notices, a segment of the show where we have a look at what's happening around Aotearoa. As by the barometer that is social pages and posts on them. The West Mountain community pages are regular. I believe West Mountains where we also get our rain updates

from Mel, that sort of area. That's where it falls into that jurisdiction. Hayley has posted, disappointing to see the park in Preston's Downs covered in condoms this morning. The whole park. Very unpleasant

job of cleaning them up and disinfecting the area as well so the park is ready for children to play. That's true.

I didn't think about that. You like pick them up. Oh yeah. Does she just spray Detol across the grass

or something? I don't know. Or on the slides. It's on the slides and the swings and that tunnel thing you

climb through which would be where I would choose to make love, should I have to make love on a playground? Where? In the tunnel, the hanging tunnel thing. Just so nobody would see you. Come on, live a little.

Go on the swing. You sound like you've done that before. I don't know if the swing's not going to be... Because if you fall off, you get bark. Yeah. We fell off, I got bark. I splinter. I got bark. I splinter.

I got bark in my bum. I'm just thinking they should probably rope off the Margaret Mahie playground in Christchurch at night. Do you think they just... And then all the shenanigans... That's where all the fun happens. I feel like they need a wipe anyway. Like, does someone go around and give it a wee spray and wipe? I feel like that's weird. Every now and then it just needs a full spray down.

Yeah. Because of kids. How dirty they are. Grubby little puggers. But anyway, I disinfected it as well. So that's like an unusual story, but also a tale of a community hero. Yeah. Who was willing to put themselves on the line like that.

This one is from the Facebook marketplace in Christchurch, Canterbury. Angus bought letters to spell out Angus. Yeah. The steel letters. Oh, yeah. I guess you could stick them onto something

or put them on the wall. Put them on the mantelpiece, on the shelf. However, Angus, one of his mates thought it would be funny to steal the G. So, for sale,

letters to spell anus. Go out and buy another G spell anus. Go out and buy another G. I guess. Maybe they don't make those sorts of letters anymore. Oh, you're true. That one could be a hard one to find. Louise says from the St. Albans Community Group, I'm having a

lot of trouble with neighbourhood cats killing the birds in my garden. They leave the body and the wings on the grass. Does anyone have any tips on how to fix this problem? And somebody said you could superglue them back together. Obviously misidentifying the problem.

Believing that the problem was the disembodied bird rather than the death of the bird. That's good from them. In the first place. And then underneath that, Steve said, I'd shoot the cats.

I've shot cats before. And then obviously they're hot. Steve came in hot. Yeah, Steve came in really hot. Really hot. From the UCSA Notice Board, University of Canterbury Students Association Notice Board, Matthew's advertising a free sunbed.

A free sunbed for those who want to keep that sweet, sweet bronze even in the winter. Alternatively, it's a free set of grow lights for those budding indoor topiary enthusiasts. Right. I pick up from Rudley Ave. Are they the same kind of lights? A solarium, essentially. Are they, wouldn't they burn your plants?

Is it the same lights? Well, I don't know. Was it even a sunbed to start with or was it a hydroponics unit? It may have been a hydroponics unit. Because imagine if you buy it as a sunbed and you're just lying there for ages and you're like, this isn't doing anything. Yeah. Except your pubes grow really like sticky buds.

Yes. I don't know. That could totally happen. And finally, from the Christchurch Buy, Sell and Trade page, Daryl is not happy. Whoever entered my truck and took my box of Cadbury favourites and my bottle of Coke while I was taking a piss at Zed Linwood. Oh, I hate that word.

I'll beat you till your dick falls off, you absolute piece of scum. Cheers, Daryl. Cheers. Who has the audacity to go into someone's car and steal their, like, snacks? Who steals a box of favourites? The bottle of Coke would have been unopened. I would never think of taking a Coke if it had been open. Box of favourites, so if it was just the last ones, you know,

it's either Daryl saving his absolute favourites. Yep. Or the drinks. Yeah. But anyway. Did he ask the service station for the footage? I would have done that. I would have got that. Saving his absolute favourites. Yep. All the other dregs. Yeah. But anyway. Did he ask the service station for the footage? I would have done that.

I would have got that. That would have been a very, very good idea. And then he would have had a pixelated but somewhat identifiable image of the person he will beat until their dick falls off. Yeah. He's a modern day wordsmith really, isn't he, Daryl? Shakespearean. Yeah. Shakespearean in nature. Those are today's community notices.

If you see anything on your local Facebook page, screen cap it and send it to ours. We're FEM, ZM on Facebook and bloody well everything else. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. What a weird study. A survey has been revealed that, well actually what was the point of the survey? What's the point of any study

or survey? It might actually just be about men's beards on their face not that they sleep in. Beards. Beard. Beards. So this survey has revealed that lots of guys are so desperate for the perfect beard,

they have revealed what they would do to get it. Right. Because some people, because you grow a good beard, Vaughn. Thank you. But some people can't because it doesn't join up. Yeah. Or it might take a while, might take you to your late 20s till you can grow some good facial hair.

Can you grow a beard, do you reckon? Yes. But you just don't? I don't even let it go past like three or four days. Yeah. But if I have like maybe gone like three or four weeks before, eh? And it kind of was. You look quite good with stubble.

Oh, thanks. Yuck. Why did I do that? Why did you give me a compliment? Yeah. Why does it feel weird that you gave me a compliment? I don't know. I was like, Why did I do that? Why did you give me a compliment? Yeah. Why does it feel weird that you gave me a compliment? I don't know. I was like, why did I do that?

You regretted it. This relationship with... No, but we've said that before. We're fostered in here. It's very toxic. It's like a dirty pool and she just put some chlorine in and we're like, no, you're giving all the dirty stuff. No, but Megan's right.

It's weird to be nice because I'm wondering what's going on. No, but I've told you that before, but you don't like the feeling of it. No, yeah, it's too itchy. I don't know because we're always telling you, Vaughan, that you've got porridge or food in your bed. We're like, Vaughan, pastry, bit of pastry, just to the right.

When you trim yours down, you look like real young and skinny, but then you just don't ever do it. I don't like, I don't want to. Why not don't ever do it. I don't want to. Why not? I don't like, I don't know. Are you going to trim it? Because it's quite long now. I've been growing, yeah, so I had it trimmed when we finished

work last December and since then it's just been growing. Six weeks. Go the other way and do a Gandalf. Five weeks. Did you see Daniel Vittori on the Black Clash? Dude looked homeless. He looked homeless. He looked homeless.

Because it was a lovely long beard. He just needed it shaped. He needed it trimmed and shaped. He needed to run a brush through it and maybe wash it. Yeah. Yeah, I was confused by that. Because he's grown a beard before Daniel Vittori, the New Zealand cricketer. Yeah. But I wouldn't say that. Because he's grown a beard before Daniel Vittori, the New Zealand cricketer.

Yeah. But I wouldn't say that every guy wants to grow a beard. They want to know they can though. Yeah. So the number one, it's got men's preferred facial hair styles. Number one is a full but short beard. 22% say they would like that. Short though.

So it's kind of close to the face. Right. But like a full beard. But like a full beard. Not stubble, yeah. Okay. Women's preferred facial hairstyles on a guy is clean shaven. That doesn't surprise me.

Almost half. Because men like beards on other men way more than women do. But a beard is second. A full beard is second most preferred. Would Sade be getting, would she be dropping some hints at this stage for you to trim? She's just given up on a whole. But she used to, didn't she? Would she be like, come on?

Yeah. It's when I don't get it trimmed for a long time. You look homeless. It gets us getting bushy out. Yeah. You've got hay in there. Yeah. Bits and pieces.

Birds are trying to nest in there. Yep, yep, that's happened. And there's five things that guys would do to get the perfect beard. Right. 18% would shave their head. 22%. Why does that sound like a bad thing? Like they're giving up hair.

But only 18% were willing to. But I think a bald head and a beard. It's a great combo. It's a good combo. It's a good combo. That's your compliment. That's my compliment each now. We're done.

Thank you. 22% would give up. Should we give her one? I think your beard looks great too. It's coming in. It's downy and light, but I think what you're doing with it is great. It's beautiful, yes. Okay, carry on.

22% would give up sex for a year. 40% would give up coffee for a year and 40% would spend night in a jail. Spend the night in jail. For a perfect beard. Wow. You get more than that. From the ZM Think Tank

this is the top six. Hello there. Well, a national MP thinks that new vehicle rights should be given to vehicles that respond to downed power lines as they could save someone's life by getting there five minutes before if not stuck in traffic. So they would have the lights and vehicle rights of first responders. Your police, your ambulance, your fire.

Lights on, sirens a-go-go. Follow me. This just sounds like someone works for the lines company and they want to get high and they just chuck on the lights. Can we trust them? Some bit of excitement. Can we trust them? That is now a pro for being a linesman

for the county. Good. The National Party MP is Simeon Brown who looks a little bit like a poor man's Adam Driver. He does. He does.

I hope he's got a Kylo Ren costume lined up for Halloween. It'd be perfect. As an Adam Driver type ring, Tom. Why is he like, out of all the things to be like,

I'm going to become a politician and change the world. Don't know. More flashy lights for the power lines people. What's he? It's a weird play. And national MP for Pakaranga.

So obviously, Pakaranga's got every other problem solved. Obviously. Nothing else to worry about there. No specific issues that they need dealt with. But yeah, just lights,

sirens, they'll be able to get there quicker. Okay. Make it a less dangerous place. Yeah. Which I kind of understand. Kind of makes sense.

Because if someone crashes into a power pole and there's live wires. But then the police are going to be there, aren't they? So they're going to have their flashy lights already.

Yeah, no, but, yeah, well, there's lots of flashy lights in an emergency, but he's just saying with the sparky... They need to get there faster. Yeah. Well, yeah, you're right, because if it's my power out, I want it on ASAP. I think it's more to save the lives of the people present more than you being able to get back to watching

whatever you're watching on Netflix. Sure, sure. Sort of thing. But I thought if we're giving the linesmen for the county or lines people

Yeah. Thank you. for the county a flashy light and a siren. Who else needs flashy lights and a siren? Today's top six vehicles

that need flashy lights and a siren. Number six, Uber Eats drivers. Yeah. That's an emergency. Yeah. It really is.

They need to cut through the traffic to make sure it's hot. What colour flashy lights would they have? Ooh, green. I thought green too. Uber Eats colour is green. Okay, green. Green flashy lights and a siren that went, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

That would be pretty good, I think. Yeah, and everyone would get out of the way because they, yum. That would be pretty good, I think. And everyone would get out of the way because they know what it means to be waiting for Uber Eats. Yeah. Imagine you're stuck in traffic. You order Uber Eats to your house and when the Uber Eats driver comes through, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, you pull into that lane and tail them so you get home at the same time. Skip traffic and have food waiting.

Great idea. Great thinking. Number five on the list of the top six other vehicles that need flashy lights and sirens. Buses. They get their own lanes, buses, but what about when there aren't any bus lanes and they just have to sit in traffic like everybody else? Buses should have flashy lights.

More people would catch the bus if it had flashy lights and sirens. You imagine every kid would want to catch the bus. Yeah, but then imagine if every day going to work you had to put up with the siren. Of the bus. Yeah, true. Maybe they just go day are going to work yet to put up with the siren of the bus. Yeah, true. Maybe they just go lights because you don't always have to engage sirens when you engage lights. Yeah, okay. What colour

lights would you want the bus to have? Blue. Just blue? Just blue. Just blue. Not a mixture of blue and green. Well, like maybe a light blue. Could I have a light blue? Like a baby blue? Baby blue. Baby blue. The baby blue bus lights. Yeah, nice. Okay, locked in.

Number four on the list of the top six other vehicles that need flashy lights and sirens are parents that told their kids they'd be there before school bell to pick them up and to see some tricks on the monkey bars, but they also fell into a rabbit hole of YouTube videos at work. And they left a little bit late and there's fucking traffic.

Good idea. They're ducking and diving. They could do with some lights and some sirens. Number three on the list of the top six other vehicles that need flashy lights, food trucks. Oh, yeah. Good call. Because they need to get to the place where they park up to sell the food because the people need their tacos. That's a good idea.

They could have brown flashy lights. Brown. Would a brown flashy light work? I don't know It wouldn't look very appealing Oh no What is that? Actually now you're right

Beige What are those? Is it the house movers? They have the purple and orange Don't they? Yes That's weird seeing a purple light A purple flashy light

Yeah Yeah Number two on the list Of the top six other vehicles That need flashy lights and sirens Are people on their way To help their partners Because they left the interior light on

and ran the battery flat in their car and they can't follow basic instructions on how to jump start a car even though they've got jumper leads. It's a very specific board. Oh yeah, it's like it happened at the weekend or something. It does, it feels... I feel like these are all related to your life.

Yeah, I've said it out loud. It does feel like it happened to me quite recently. Oh well, maybe it did. We live and we learn. And number one on the list of the top six other vehicles that need flashy lights and sirens, anyone that's about to wet their pants.

You and I live probably roughly the same distance from work. And like you leave work and you're like, I don't need to go. There's a little something there. But it's certainly not urgent. The minute you get on that motorway, you're like, there's a little something there. But it's certainly not urgent. The minute you get on that motorway, you're like, uh-oh. And as soon as you get out of the car, it's like your body senses the porcelain and you're just like.

Yeah, yeah. The vicinity. And a little bit leaks when you go in the front door and you look down and you can see through your jeans. Oh, my God. A little bit leaks. You're like, I'm going to need to change my undies, but my jeans will be all right.

And then you get there and your wife's like, hello? Are you even going to say hello? You're like, I'm buzzing with the jeans. Jeans will be okay, but undies will need to wash. And then you just hit it and it feels

good. Sometimes how good it feels is almost worth the suffering you've been through. Yeah, yeah. That's happened to me more than once. More than once a week. All the time. That's why my jeans smell a little bit pussy. Yeah, I'll go. I'll wrap it up there.

You got a good point there. That is today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. We were talking the other day about flirting in the workplace. It was positive, right? It was good. It was good for you? Yeah, it is good for you.

That was the idea of flirting in the workplace is that it's good for you. I mean, it could be bad for you. You could end up at HR. That's true. Yeah. Just saying. We, however, touched on the fact that the closest we've seen To flirting from Fletch Is with Jo

Who looks after the swipe cards And the parking The whole little bit Of building admin here at work Well it's not It wasn't flirting I just simply Just had some great banter

With Jo Yeah And we get on great It was quite flirtatious I gave her I gave her a picture of you I gave her a frame photo Of me wearing my Covering device For my card, swipe card, because I never used to use it.

Yeah. And so she said she'd block my card if I didn't. Yes. So I gave her a signed photo to show her that I'm always wearing it. Always wearing it. Very flirtatious. It's certainly not flirting, no. Well, we were talking about that and I said, you both said I would probably get better treatment on,

like when I lose my swipe card and stuff, if I was nicer. And I said, no, treat him mean, keep him keen. Yep. Word got back to Jo. Yep. And she popped her head in and said, treat him mean, keep him keen, is it? Of course, I like to flap my gums, but I don't like confrontation. And so he, like, backs away. I backed out of the room and snuck off to flap my gums, but I don't like confrontation.

And so he like backs away. I backed out of the room and snuck off to make my breakfast. And she said, we'll see about treating a man, keeping him keen. And I went, ha ha, and left. And then. She has a lot of power, Joe. A lot of power. Evil power.

Evil power. Okay. Or she could take away your car park. Yeah. She could make your car power. Evil power. Okay. Well, she could take away your car park. Yeah. She could make your car park ages away. She could tow you. Your car would just disappear one day. This is why I gave her the signed photo of myself in a frame

and a box of chocolates for Christmas. Because it was straight after she said to me, treat a man asen cane as it, that I went out of the work area in search of a bowl because there's never bowls in the kitchenette by work. So you've got to go find a bowl somewhere else in the building. And I went to come back in and my swipe card wouldn't work. And I was like, oh my gosh, she's done it.

She's done it. And then I finally, I get let back in. I make my breakfast. I come back and I was like, oh my gosh, she's done it. She's done it. And then I finally, I get let back in. I make my breakfast. I come back and I'm like, I think Jo's disabled my card. Then, bing, bing, bing. That's three different emails arriving. Yeah. She emailed us security footage from the security cameras in the building

of me struggling to get through the door. It's brilliant. It's brilliant. This is all in the space of what? 10 minutes? 10, 15 minutes. Treat him mean, keep him keen. That was the subject.

That's all it said in the attached video files were me walking through a door and then struggling to get back in. You've been locked out. How did she know I was going to go through that door? Just knew. How did she know to have the camera there? This is a problem. Yeah, this is why you've got to be nice.

She's like in a lair with all these cameras. She's like the Wizard of Oz. She just like has all power, all knowing. She ain't knowing. Yeah. You've got to behave yourself. I'm going to have to stop playing with myself in the elevators, I think. Oh, grim.

They don't have cameras in there, do they? I hope not. And where are the cameras? Everywhere. So I put a leg up and everything. It's all very...

They're always looking. Oh, wow. Okay. She probably brought her to do it. Start being nice. Yeah. I'll give her that.

Give her that. Okay, I'm scared now does your swipe card work now has it been reinstated it worked yeah yeah yeah is it good power play

after the email with the video it started working again good power play she just wanted to put a little warning out there but it's yeah every time I swipe it now

it's a real is this going to work like it's real she has she's put the fairy god in me Flesh, Vaughn and Megan the podcast ZM producer James has last few days with us and we're taking a look She has. She's put the fairy god in me. Producer James has last few days with us and we're taking a look at some of our favourite moments with him.

Facebook. I guess they saw it because remember TimeHop? TimeHop was an app that you connected to your social media and it told you what you were doing on this day. I still have TimeHop. Yeah. Really? I got rid of TimeHop.

It's a horrible reminder. Facebook memories pop up all the time. Yeah, on this day and it pops up and we're like, would you like to share this memory? But one person who doesn't say much about the show is producer James 2.0. So he shared a couple with us the other day and we laughed because from a guy who doesn't say much, some of them were very philosophical thoughts.

So we thought we'd have a look back and he was quite a regular poster too. He would post sort of a status every day. How old were you when you posted these, James? These were,

as Vaughan was saying, in the golden age of about 2009 through to about 2012. Okay, so were you in high school? I would have been, yeah, like year 12

through to year 13. So around that sort of 16, 17 age. You've delved back into the archives. So we've just picked a week. This week. Oh, one week.

This week. We've got five, one a day from this week in time from 2009, I do believe. So why don't you read us Mondays. Okay. Monday started off with tripped out why it feels like someone is blowing in my eyes 24-7. My mum thinks I'm stoned.

What is going on? Was it dry eyes? Yeah, dry eyes, did you? I'm thinking back, I think it must have been something to do with my eyes at the time. Is there a Canterbury?

My mum must have made a passing comment. Maybe a bit of wind? Was there a Nor'easter? Maybe. Nor'wester. Nor'wester. Nor'wester's the Canterbury wind.

Maybe a Nor'wester going through Christchurch. Very dry. My mum must have made a passing comment. That you looked stoned. That I looked stoned. That I looked stoned. So I thought I'd go ahead and post it on Facebook.

And you're at that age where, you know, mum assumes every teenage boy is probably doing drugs. Probably, yeah. And I mean, you think probably smoking's pretty cool at that stage as well. Yeah. Well, let's see if mum was justified with the status updates from the rest of the week.

Tuesday. On Tuesday, I posted, we will always wake up in a different place and time. So he was definitely on the toot. Oh, my God, James. True, though. The way the earth travels, the sun's going through. Yeah.

It's logic, isn't it? We never wake up in the same place as once. It's deep. To Wednesday, I posted, clouds are funny, eh? How about those curtains? Oh, yeah. Someone's like, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. How about those curtains?

Yeah. I actually don't have any explanation for that one. I don't actually. Normally they bring back memories, but. Were these getting many likes? Minimal, I'm going to say. Not if the likes on one of them was his own. He liked his own.

I was, yeah. He was definitely back. But you kept going, even though no one was liking these statuses. I mean, I always got told that persistence is key when you're on social media. Tap, tap, tap. Sure, Shanky these data sets. I mean, I always got told that persistence is key when you're on social media. Tap, tap, tap. Sure, Shanky.

So Thursday. I moved to Thursday. Just had the worst fudge I've ever tasted. Stinging, stinging review of mum's fudge. You were trip advisor before trip advisor. I was, yeah. Yeah, yelping your own mum. On Friday, Miss Universe pageant kept me entertained today.

Venezuela taking it out. Two years running. Definitely something I don't agree with. Do you not agree with Miss Venezuela being the most attractive woman or you don't agree with the same country winning two times in a row? Maybe Miss Venezuela was probably not my pick on the day. I don't think. Not on that date.

All right, James. One last wake up, mate. One last. One last to go. Are you still okay with Miss Venezuela taking it out two years in a row or no? I don't know what was, I'm sorry, Miss Venezuela, if you're listening, but I must have not been into you at all. I don't think she cares.

No, but are they even doing the show anymore? Yeah they do I just looked up Miss Venezuela 2019 How's she going? I don't know Yeah she was at the end of Miss Venezuela That was just the handing over the crown

I don't know how she did in the Miss Universe or Miss World or whatever those things are One more early morning wake up James in this universe or this world or whatever those things are. Yeah, right. Oh, well. There we go. One more early morning wake up, James. One more.

I'm looking forward to it because this morning was tough. Very tough. Tomorrow won't be easier. No, true. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. So there is something that couples do if they do this together, they stay together. You know, the saying couples that they stay together. You know the saying, couples that ha-ha together stay together. Ah, yes, ha-ha.

One of my favourite pastimes. Yeah, you and your wife quite often. I play with golf. Ha-ha. Ha-ha. So couples that roast together. Hey, baby, do you want to ha-ha? Not tonight, I've got a headache.

Fine, I'm going to go down into the lounge and myself. Of course you'd make it. It's not, no, you made it. I didn't say that. I just said, I was assuming was French lessons. So she didn't want French lessons because of the headache. So I'm just going to go into the lounge and listen to Duolingo myself.

Exactly. Not Dua Lipa, Duolingo. Yeah, right. Duolingo, it's that first one. Exactly. Not Dua Lipa, Duolingo. Yeah, right. Duolingo. It's that app. They can help you learn another language.

Yeah, yeah. Tereo Maori has been added. I know. I saw that the other week. They've added that. It's great. So couples that roast together stay together.

Take the mack. Yeah. I'm not talking like roast dinners. Yeah. No, if you take the piss out of each other. So when you roast each other's quirks, you are pointing out like the little,

sometimes ignored sides to your personality, apparently. And those things tend to be the things that you love most about your partner. Do you miss a toy boy? He roasts me all the time. I was just thinking, I hope he doesn't hear this because it annoys the hell out of me. I'm like, can you stop taking the piss out of me?

Like all the time. That's the thing. Like people say, well, you've just said, can you stop taking the piss out of me? Like, all the time. That's the thing. Like, people say, oh, well, you've just said, if you roast the, it's a fine line. Like, you might be on a roll, but then you've pushed it too far. You're getting all the laughs on the Comedy Central roast, and then you say that one thing that goes too far. Yeah. Yeah.

It always does it, even when it's just the two of us. How I say something, it could be anything. Like, words that I, I don't know why, but I say something, it could be anything, like words that I, I don't know why, but I say inferno all the time when I think something's hot. I'm like, poor, it's like an inferno.

And he just- That's okay though. He rips- Because an inferno would be hot. Yeah. Just everything I do just rips me apart on a daily. That means he likes you.

Yeah. Everyone knows that's what that means. Right. That's good because we're married. But I'm constantly like, can you just leave me alone today? Today's not the day to like. I'm phone-ies.

Leave me alone. When I laugh, he'll be like. I'm like, excuse me? You'll be sent to your room. You don't have the perfect laugh all the time. He mocks your laugh or what you're laughing at. No, he'll mock my laugh. Oh.

Yeah. Or like, because sometimes I... Sometimes I forget he's a young man. He calls me a squeaky wheel because when I laugh sometimes I'm like... This is like a squeaky wheel. Need a bit of CRC? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, okay. But I guess that means we're going to stay together, so that's good. It's just years of roasting. Years of years of having the piss taken out of you. Exactly. Great. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Benny Glitter on ZM.

Fletch Warner Megan. We're making our own discount cards for Megan's campaign. And we're just going to wait until Ben and Andrew aren't on the till and then, like, attack the young people that work there. No, they look... No, Ann knows better than that. Who would make their own cards, Ann? Ann, come on, Ann.

Come on, Ann. No, I'm going to Megan's Cafe for lunch and I said, when does my 25% discount kick in? Where does that discount come from? I've got a card. Yeah, we've got cards. I'm going to make mine. Get the laminator. We've got the l. I'm going to get the laminator.

We've got the laminator. We'll get the laminator out. Brilliant. Pre-warn Anne about you. Don't give Anne any sorts of heads up. There is a young man in the news talking about his, well, it says his mum telling the story about his eating and how there's so many things he can't eat.

Just the very thought of some foods, just seeing them. It's not the taste, it's seeing them. It's not the taste. It's seeing them. He has an adverse reaction. Like a gag, yeah. That's somewhat involuntary, I think. Like you can't. It's hard.

I would have liked to have known how my parents would have handled it. Oh my God. I just remember being like, you're not leaving the table until you eat all this. And then when they weren't looking, chuck some peas out the window because I hated peas. That's why I can't eat peas now. My parents would sit there with us. Really?

As some sort of guardian. Right. To make sure it was eaten. Shovel it in and watch you swallow it? No, because the problem was there was very little I didn't like. Yeah, right. Okay. You were a food vacuum.

That was not, eating was never a Yeah, right. Okay. You were a food vacuum. That was not, eating was never a problem for me. Okay. But I do remember something being in my mouth and it was like chewy and so I was chewing it lots and I do remember my chin being grabbed and someone chewing for me. Oh my god. So what account this kid ate?

Anything. What does he live on then? Very little. He ate Vegemite sandwich. Vegemite sandwiches. That was about all. That he could like? All he could stomach. Oh wow. Okay. Yeah. He ended up being hypnotised. And did

that work? Yeah. Kind of opened it up a little bit more. Because you never, what was it? Mushrooms. You couldn't eat mushrooms and then when we hypnotised you. That was a flavour. That's a flavour and a mouthfeel thing. But now you can eat them. Yeah, now I eat mushrooms. But still in my mind, I'm like, they're a fungus.

Yeah. When people are like, I don't do mushrooms, I'm like, well, you're missing out because mushrooms are yum. But at the same time, I kind of understand. Yeah, kind of get it. Executive intern Anya, growing up, there was lots you couldn't eat And you just basically Had a diet of Chicken nuggets

And baby carrots Yep Now was that because You couldn't stand food? Yeah Or you were just fussy? Well kind of both Like I never liked

Anything sloppy Like I still have to Talk myself into a pasta Yeah Like I have to really Give myself a bit of a pep talk Like you can do this I feel like that's quite a common

one, the sloppy things. Yeah. Like you can never do porridge? Never do a sloppy porridge? Never. Wait till she hears about soup. Yuck. My best friend Ellie doesn't eat any liquid foods. So soup, any sauces, nothing. Like tomato sauces? No.

No liquid foods. No porridge. She won't do condiments? No. And no soup. Oh my God. Oh God. What is wrong with her? And she only drinks water and wine.

Water and wine. But no other juice. It's like liquid foods. She doesn't do it. She can never do a milkshake? No. A sundae? Would she do a sundae?

No. Shouldn't she do an ice cream? Not if it was a sloppy ice cream. Not a runny ice cream. No. Well, you've got to be willing to lick the sides. Good luck in summer. Yeah.

Yeah. So she wouldn't lick the sides of the ice cream to just dribble down her hand? No. Oh, God, no. But then the dribbly on the hand would be a trigger for her, surely. No chocolate sauces. No chocolate sauces? I just can't imagine life without sauces.

Yeah. Unbearable. Everything sounds so dry. Yeah. can't imagine life without sauces. Sounds unbearable. Everything sounds so dry. Yeah. Got to cover it in sauce. Wouldn't like to know this morning if there's any food that really, it's not the taste of it. Yep. There's something else about it.

Maybe it's the texture. Because a lot of people have a thing with the textures of some foods. Yeah. Like maybe bananas. They can't eat bananas. Yeah. Or maybe it is like. Is it the stringy things? Oh, I don't like the stringy things. See, I know. I don't like the stringy things. I can't eat bananas. Yeah. Or maybe it is like- Is it the stringy things?

Oh, I don't like the stringy things. See, I know. I don't like the stringy things. I like to leave the stringy- My great uncle, weird story. Whenever I think of bananas, his house always smelled like bananas. He loved bananas. So much his house smelled like bananas.

What is his uncle's name? This great uncle. Artie was his name. Artie. Chiquita. We just called him Artie. He was Chiquita. Uncle Bonita Banana. Artie was his name. Arthur. Chiquita. We just called him Artie. Uncle Chiquita. Uncle Bonita Banana.

Yeah. He loved bananas. Okay. He'd always be like, do you want a banana? Always, when you enter his house, he's like, do you want a banana? And he used to say, do you want a B-A-N-A-N-A-N-A-N-A-N-A? Stop. They had to stop him.

They had to say stop. Oh, right. It was a gag, but it was pretty good when you were a kid. But he got Parkinson's. Okay. And he didn't want to give up his bananas. And I always remember the white, he would eat the banana with Parkinson's

and it would be like the stringy thing would be out his mouth. Oh. And that scared me about the stringy thing. This was only a little kid. I didn't really understand what was happening. Was it all mushed over his face? No, no, no. He could still, God, no.

You know how they say when you've got Parkinson's, like something can make you like music or something. Yeah. Eating a banana was like, Okay, right. It or something. Eating a banana was her, like. Okay, right. It could click and eat a banana. Oh, wow. But he had the stringy thing about his mouth,

but he used to do that before he had Parkinson's as well. It was like his gag, he'd hang the stringy thing out of his mouth. A lot of banana-based gags with Artie. Yeah. He was a great man, good guy. Even the little black bum of the banana. I ate the banana bum.

Okay, so 0800 dials at him. Let's take some calls. Annual text messages. Text in. I couldn't help it. Get it together. I couldn't help it. What food can't you do?

Yeah, maybe it's the texture. What food just absolutely turns you off? Give us a call. ZM's Fletchford and Megan. Quarter to eight, we're talking about those weird foods or those foods

that you just can't stand maybe because of the texture, the side of them, the feel. And executive intern Anya's sister, Sophie, the successful one.

Oh, the doctor. The doctor. Although, Anya has just become an executive intern. Is she an executive doctor? No, she's not. Although, Anya has just become an executive intern. Is she an executive doctor? No, she's not. Oh, wow.

She's having a blast laughing. The boots on the other foot. Suck it, Sophie. She said, she messaged Anya saying, watching you gag on mints will forever be imprinted in my mind.

It's like, kids love mints. Nah, gross. I still don't like mints. No, but it's how it's cooked. What about... Because I had mince tacos. Someone made mince tacos the other day and I was like, this is...

Mince tacos? What do you usually have in a taco? I always have chicken. You like too good for a mince taco. No, chicken's a burrito or an enchilada. No, it's not. Mince is tacos. I have no time for mince tacos because they drop.

The mince rolls out. How do you do the chicken if you're doing tacos? You do strips. No, you just like little cubes and then you have a seasoning mix and you mix it up. Okay, I'm down for that. It's real yum. But at the same time. But you get little chunks of chicken falling out instead of like a slop of mince.

Bigger chunks. How dare you say you're too good for mince tacos? I am too good for mince tacos? I am too good for mince tacos. Wow, I mean, that's it. Pull off the show, pull the plug. There's no way we're relatable to the everyday man. If we've got someone in this studio that's too good for beef

mince. What? I'll get Hosking to clear you a spot. You can pop upstairs and have a chat with the upper crust. I'm going to need to buy a Maserati. All of the money you're not spending on mints. And some Gucci loafers. I'm just saying there's no mints tacos are yuck.

No, they are delicious. Why don't you go to a Mexican restaurant? You get all these ooh-la-la tacos. They don't have mints in them. They have beef skirt, though, which is just bigger bits of mince. I can't believe you. I thought I knew you. I can't believe you think you're too good for mince tacos.

Son of a bitch. I'm so angry. Why are you angry? I'm just disappointed. Of all the stuff you've ever done. It's disappointing to learn your friend thinks they're above mince tacos. Some text messages, those boots that you just can't stand. Peas.

Someone said no place in the world for peas. I'm the same. That's my favourite veggie. Peas. I'll put peas in everything. Peas and salad. Yuck. I just grew up on boiled peas.

So boiled peas. I can appreciate a mashed pea or like a... What, a sautéed, battered. There's really not much you can do with them. No, but in things. These are always just like poured on the plate. And you'd like chase them around the plate. All right.

Well, a lot of texts and calls coming through. We'll get to more of those next. Those foods that you just can't stand the sight of. Someone's starting a petition to have Fletch officially removed from the show. Mince tacos are disgusting. Are disgusting. that you just can't stand the sight of. Someone's starting a petition to have Fletch officially removed from the show. Because he thinks he's too good for minced tacos. A disgusting. Well, this segment should be really talking about foods that people can't stand, but it's just turned into people disgusted that I don't like minced tacos.

Who suddenly thinks he's too good for a minced taco. Not too good, I'm just saying you can have any other taco in the world. Chicken. Yum. This message comes in the world. Chicken. Yum. This message comes in from Remuera. It says, there comes a time in everyone's life where they become too good for mince tacos. Be better than that.

It came from Remuera. Yeah. Remuera. I don't do mince tacos. They do Wagyu beef. If we're talking Mexican food, mince is for nachos or burritos. Hold on. That's an interesting. Or not burritos. You would put mince is for nachos or burritos. Hold on.

That's an interesting. Or not burritos. You would put mince on burritos. No, I just. Because if I wouldn't put mince on a burrito, it's too big. If you're going to use beef on a burrito, you'd use some. It rolls out like a dump truck tipping gravel out. Yes.

But no, that's where you just got to tuck the. No. Tuck a little bit in the bottom before you roll your. I just want tacos now. A little bit of tacos. I don't your... Oh, I just want tacos now. A little bit of same. Tacos for dinner tonight. Somebody said uncooked bacon shoulder is a food that they can't even bring themselves to look at. Crispy streaky bacon is my jam, but when people cook shoulder bacon and have to get it out of the pack,

or if they don't cook it till it's crispy where it's still floppy and dripping... Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, soggy bacon. Makes me feel a bit sick. Have you guys ever done breakfast in Australia? They don't do... No, when I go to Australia, I refuse to eat in the morning. They don't do streaky bacon in Australia.

They do that... Middle bacon. Yuck. It's all dry and yuck. Yeah. Are you sure you can blanket that across the whole of Australia? When I went to Book of Mormon at the weekend, there for a night, I went out for breakfast,

and I ordered bacon and eggs, and I forgot that I was in Australia. But is it just that one cafe that was like, I don't eat shaky bacon? It's a law in Australia that you've only got to serve the yuck bacon at breakfast. I don't know why they do it. Right. I can't stand that bacon.

What does bacon look like around the world? Insider.com has written an article on bacon favourites from around the world. So what foods can't you stand? But it's not necessarily the taste of it. It might be the look of it. It might be the texture of it. Susie. Any seafood.

Growing up, we never had seafood. And to make us get some fish, my mum used to tell me and my sister that tuna was chicken of the sea. Famously, yes. I don't like anything under the ocean either. I can't stand it. No, it's a fishy taste. Bloody fish tasting like fish. Yeah.

How dare they? So what about even now, you still can't do fish? No, can't do fish. What about crab? No. What about a bit of lobster? No. You're not going to get gout unless you start eating these rich,

over-the-top foods covered in butter, okay? Oh, what about scallops? Scallops. Oh, yum. Oysters. Oh. Oysters with a little bit of vinaigrette with garlic and shallots. Hey, thanks for thanks you call Susie

Joseph what's the food That you can't do Onion It's a mixture Oh yeah okay But what if you were Eating like A lasagna

And there's onions In the sauce I have to pick it out I have to pick it out It's the same thing With a spag bowl It's just like I can't stand onion

Even if it's diced up Finally I will still I'll feel it in between my teeth. Oh, mince is nothing without its onion companion. In the early stages of the cook. What about if somebody put an onion in a blender with a sauce, so you couldn't, would that work? Probably can happen, but I don't know. It would pulverise the texture, right?

So that would fix the problem. Yeah, so it's not the taste. It's purely the texture. Yeah, right. So things like people will do, they'll have a budding snack with onion on top and I just look at them and I just want to gag. Hey, thanks for your call, Joseph.

Jordan, what food can you not stand? Eggs, man. I cannot stand eggs in any shape, form, nothing. Not standard, moached, nothing. I could eat eggs every single day. I love them. I go through phases where I'm like into it and then not into it. Is it the texture or is it just the flavour?

It's the texture as well as the taste and the smell. Since infancy, couldn't stand them. It's a weird one though because it does smell yuck. Like no one's ever smelled an egg and been like, yum. Yeah. Exactly. So you'll still have a cake that's obviously made with eggs, right? Yeah, but if you can smell, taste or see egg in it, I'm out.

Wow. Okay. Jordan, thanks you quite. So like fried rice, I'm out. Oh no, I'd forgotten about that egg fried rice. Oh, yeah, you're weird. Because that's yum. Oh, there's lots of yummy egg. Jordan, thanks you. Cool.

Some other foods that people can't stand, not necessarily the taste, it might be the texture or the look. Somebody said creamed corn. It's the smell. I can smell it from a mile off if anyone opens a can of creamed corn. You guys are against creamed corn, aren't you?

No, I'm not. I want it in a cheese toastie. Nah. With bacon and cheese. Because my sister used to open a creamed corn and have one or two toasties, but then just leave it out in the can. And so the smell wafted and then it would get the skin on it and then yuck. Yeah, right.

Okay. Yuck. Can't do it. Baby corn? No, that's a no from me. Oh, what? Because they think they're eating a baby or something? No, I kind of get this.

It looks, I don't know, it looks like an alien version of corn. Baby corn's delicious. No, I'm not. And a stir fry. Oh, no, I don't like that because then it gets warm. And it's too slimy. No, it's good in a stir fry. You're being weird. No, I don't even cold at all, I don't like that because then it gets warm. And it's too slimy. No, it's good in a stir fry. You're being weird.

No, I don't eat it cold at all. I don't like it either way. Some other text messages in. Chunky soups. It feels like you're eating a bowl of hot sick. Pumpkin. Somebody said, we've got ex-boss absolutely petrified of peaches. It was the feel of the skin was a

general phobia. You just toss him a peach and then like, meh. Absolutely loses mind. Great way to keep the boss away from your desk. Just have a big bowl of peaches on. And before on the show we were talking about the banana bum. Yeah, the black bit. It's actually known as the bananas.

Is it? No, is it? I cannot eat the bananas because it's weird. I won't let a bananas go to waste. How do you? I'll just eat it. I'll throw away the bananas. It's not an actual jam.

Someone's just messaged us. No, it's in the urban dictionary. The little brown part at the bottom of a banana that no one in their right mind eats. The bananas. The bananas. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM.

6th of February. Oh, what are we looking at there? Two weeks? Oh, yeah. Two weeks. Yeah. Until Waitangi Day. Waitangi Day is two weeks today.

So already a long weekend for a lot of the Upper North Island. This weekend. And some parts of the country this Monday. Yeah. So that's also my daughter's birthday, my oldest daughter Indy and we were like,

what do you want for your birthday? And she's, okay, she's a weird kid but I'll say weird because I don't know any other kids

that function like she does because for example, last weekend, we were down at my parents' place and my mum's like, you know how, like it's a certain responsibility of nannies to have pudding. You've got to, Last weekend, we were down at my parents' place. Yeah. And my mum's like, you know how it's a certain responsibility of Nana's to have pudding.

You've got to have... Oh, yeah. Nans always have to have pudding. Ice cream and stuff. And she said, oh, do you want some ice cream? And Andy was like, no, no, thank you. I don't really feel like ice cream. What? What kid in their right mind doesn't feel like ice cream?

Every kid wants... Any time of the day. And it will happen sometimes. We'll be like, oh, it's hot. Do you want to get an ice block? And she'll be like, no, no don't. No, I'm fine. But you have one. Like, you say yes even if you don't want it.

I know. Or you didn't know you wanted one until they suggested it. And then you do. And then you have one. But even if you didn't want one, you'd be like, I could do one. But that sort of stuff. Well, do you want a bit of cake? She's like, not right now.

Whereas August is the opposite. August is like, well, if she's going to eat it. August is her dad. If she ain't going to eat it, let's go half as dad. So I said, what do you want for your birthday? And she said, okay, well, you know, I've been watching this YouTube channel a lot lately, and she's got, they've both got, Indy and August,

they've both got these YouTube people they follow, families that do stuff. Yeah, right. These families do a lot of 24-hour challenges. It's always, kids always come up and they're like, I've got an idea for a 24-hour challenge. And I'll be like, you've been watching the YouTube family again because everyone does 24-hour

challenges. And I'm like, yeah, one of the days, one of the YouTube challenges was I tied together for 24 hours. I was like, okay, so I tied us all together and five minutes in they were like, no. I was like, see? S I tied us all together and five minutes in they were like, no. I was like, see? Silly. Dad's worked in radio long enough to know. Silly idea.

And also dad's worked in radio long enough to know that that YouTube family is not doing it the whole time. Yeah, yeah. Unless that video is an unedited 24 hour stream. They're not doing it. Dad knows that there's breaks being taken there. So she's like, I've been watching this YouTube person,

and immediately I knew who it was, because her favourite to watch is the snake lady. There's this woman, and she has snakes, lots of snakes. She lives in America. In America, obviously, yeah, right. She has lots of snakes, and Indy said, can I have a snake? That's her birthday present. For my birthday.

Can I have a snake? Oh, God. And I said, no, and well, I know for fact, you can't own them as pets in New Zealand. I didn't even think zoos are allowed snakes. So that's what I looked into because I thought maybe get an experience with a snake. Because we've been in Australia and they've draped a snake around us. Yep. But, you know, New Zealand has a blanket ban on snakes.

You're not allowed them in zoos, nothing. Did you hear what happened over the holidays at Wellington Airport? They just went out to do a runway inspection and there was a snake on the runway. So it had like, a plane had come in, probably from Australia, and it must have fallen out of the landing gear when they landed. But it was dead because obviously it's like minus 400 degrees. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They like the warmth, don't they?

Yeah, that's why all those people always drop out as ice blocks onto people's gardens in London. There's an ice block person in my garden. No, no, not the popsicle band. It's not someone dressed as an ice block. It's someone who's, yeah, because it's so cold up there. Yeah. Well, I always like doing that on the screen in the plane.

It's like negative 50 degrees outside. I know, and you're like, imagine if I was on the wing, I'd be real cold. I'd be freezing. I always think that, and then I'm like, brr. Yeah, but I'm inside. But I'm inside, so I was lucky. But yeah, New Zealand has a blanket snake ban.

Right, so you can't even get her an experience. No, you can't get a snake. Get her a toy snake. Well, I know you can get those remote control snakes? What? We'll get her that. She won't like that though. They're not as much as an actual snake. It's a toy.

It might be fun for a bit though. Yeah, yeah. Well, you went to the Gold Coast. You could have taken her to the Karumbin. We went to the Karumbin. She wasn't into snakes then. Oh, well, that's her fault. And when we were in Rarotonga, we were on a stand-up paddle board,

and I saw through the water something and I said, I don't want to panic anybody, but I think I've seen a snake. Now I later learned it was an eel that looks like a snake. And the salt water these eels. Yeah. All the eels can go on salt water. All the eels have to go to salt water to swim

back up to somewhere by Tonga to spawn and then they come back and live in the rivers again. Well no, they die when they're up there but then the baby eels come back. That sounds made up but it's true. It does sound made up. And in the northern hemisphere

they go to a different place. Well, you were saying that real hot spots. There's eels in farms swim to the ocean. Correct. No, they don't. They can't get to the ocean

because of dams. Those ones can't. Yes, exactly. Well, that's a bit of a problem for the eels. Oh, so we should pick up eels and put them over the dams. Yes, if you see an eel and it's struggling to get over the dam. But eels can also go on land for a bit.

He's right. I just Googled it. Because I love to check your facts. But they don't know, eh? They don't know exactly how they get there. It's so far to swim, though. Like, even if you go on a plane to Fiji, it's three hours. Yeah.

You're telling me they have to swim? I think it's closer to Tonga. But it's still a bit of a mystery. It's like a conference for eels. Just by Tonga. They don't go to Rarotonga or Fiji. No, there's a spot in the Pacific Ocean that all eels go to and the Northern Hemisphere eels go to a different

spot. And it's a yearly conference. It's not yearly. I don't know how often they go. And you know, they've never seen an eel have an eel spawn, I think it's called. They've never seen an eel spawn. What do you mean they could capture one and make it? They won't. Why not? They won't.

A captured eel won't. Why do you know so much about eels? So weird. I don't know. I heard something about it once and then. You're weird. Why do you know so much about eels? I'm like.

Well, what are you going to do for Indy's birthday if you can't... An eel is as good as a snake, right? So I'm just going to get an eel and I'm going to paint it. She's eight. She won't know. Exactly, Taylor. It's a snake. Exactly.

And I'll be like, this snake, we can only have it out of water for a little bit. Just call it a water snake. A river snake. A river snake. Yeah. Yes. With its little feely bits. Megan's grossed out by that fact.

Like, I don't really like snakes too much but an eel's even worse. Eels are so hard to hold. Growing up on the farm when we're fishing eel out of the creek you try to grab it

and it would just slip. Yeah. Continuously. But no, I said look, we can't do a snake. Yeah, right.

One day we'll do, when we go to Australia we'll do like a snake experience. She's gonna work at like Australia Zoo I reckon. She's gonna be like Another Irwin. Wait I reckon. She's going to be like. She could totally be Steve Irwin.

Another Irwin. Wait a minute. She was born after Steve Irwin died. She should be Steve Irwin. She could be Steve Irwin reincarnated. She does like constantly like jump on the dog. And it's like, look at this little beauty. She does that a lot.

Oh, it sounds like it's definitely him then. Yeah. This is great great for tutors great news great stuff so she's getting an eel for her birthday is that where you

settled on that well I wonder if that would do the trick I'll run it past the birthday panel which is me and Charlie yeah you also

don't have a river with a birthday panel well there's a creek just down the road but I don't know if there'd be eels in it yeah right we'll never know unless you try or plus it'll bloody swim to Tonga and her birthday present's gone birthday panel. Well, there's a creek just down the road. But I don't know if there'd be eels in it. Yeah, right.

We'll never know unless we try. Plus it'll bloody swim to Tonga and her birthday present's gone. If you love an eel, set it free. If it comes back,

it wasn't the eel you set free, it was the one that went to Tonga. Come back. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Guys, yesterday

I had a moral dilemma. Okay. Interesting. So I was at the supermarket, went to the supermarket after the gym and I'm just grabbing a few things. I was expecting your moral dilemma. Okay. Interesting. So I was at the supermarket, went to the supermarket after the gym and I'm just grabbing a few things. I was expecting your moral dilemma to be. All your stories lately are at the supermarket.

Or the gym. I know. Okay, so. This is all he does. Are you picking up that this is literally all he does? Guys, sometimes I'm very busy. We still don't know doing what. Just because I don't run a cafe

or have 800 kids. Or farm animals You know me, I've got 800 kids. Farm animals and 800 things to look after. Very busy.

Anyway, so after the gym, went to the supermarket and I'm going around with my basket. I'm going around with my basket and at the end

of the the cheese and yogurts aisle, the dairy aisle, I see a man, a young man, I would say a 20-year-old young man. He's a young man. He's wearing a shirt. Yeah. What kind of shirt? T-shirt or dress shirt?

It's a short-sleeved dress-up shirt, a dress shirt. Like collared shirt. But it's a casual. It. What kind of shirt? T-shirt or dress shirt? It's a short sleeve dress up shirt. A dress shirt. Like collared shirt. But it's a casual. It's collared. And I'm thinking as well underneath there's a t-shirt because he is stuffing into this shirt and underneath his shirt and t-shirt a large bag of sausages.

Wait, a bag of sausages? A bag of sausages. Like a bag of pre-cooked Heller's sausages. Well, I mean, don't bring Heller's into this. I don't know the brand. It should create a visual. But it's a plastic bag full of sausages. Oh, yum. Not bad, eh?

As far as pre-cooked sausages go, a Heller's Chinese honey. Not bad. No, I'm not down for that. What makes the honey Chinese? So anyway, so... Is it because it's spying on you? Yes, it's reporting back. And it's trying to just...

Just before you eat the sausage, it's reporting back to the Chinese government. Yeah, and it's saying, Hong Kong's ours. Yeah, sure. And you're like, who am I to argue? So right then, I'm, of course, I'm amazed at the audacity of this guy. Firstly, because he's not hidden away in a... If it was me, I'd go to the audacity of this guy. Firstly, because he's not hidden away in a,

if it was me, I'd go to the back corner of the supermarket. No, that's where everyone does their stealing. But he is so like literally so brazen and I'm just looking at him. I'm like, you're stealing sausages. Anyway, I'm like. How close were you to him? I literally walked past him like half a metre away

and I'm just like looked him up and down. I'm like, what is this guy? Is he like, what's he? How many sausages would have been in the bag? What is a large bag? But enough to make his stomach look like he was pregnant. Oh. Like you could tell there was something under there.

And I'm like, dude, what are you doing? You're never going to get away with this. And so I've got this moral conundrum. I carry on walking and I'm like, well, should I say something to like the staff and say, look, there's a guy here stealing some sausages. But then I want to get shanked for being an arc. Exactly. Because I also got prison. Also got this weird kind of vibe from him.

Like maybe I didn't think it was high, but I also got this vibe like he looked a little crazy. Like, I mean, he's obviously brazenly stealing some sausages. Like, people are walking past him. He doesn't care. You can just go to the customer service desk, do a cheeky wee whisper, and then go to the bakery. I know. And I was like, well, it's his choice to steal these sausages.

He could be struggling. True. He's just trying to make his way in this world. But that's illegal. It's not on me. But that's illegal. It is illegal. And then I think about the times at the supermarket

I was told off for taking a photograph of a jar of pickles. And when I was accused of shoplifting at the self-serve checkout and I think, I think the supermarket will be all right if I let this guy go. Right. And I I was accused of shoplifting at the self-serve checkout and I think, I think the supermarket will be alright if I let this guy go. And I went to the checkout. Sweet revenge. I went to the checkout and bought my groceries and I walked out and he walked out past me with his giant stomach

full of sausages and just walked off into the distance. So he didn't buy anything to cover up his fever? He didn't buy anything because just as I was walking out, he walked through the self-serve and just walked out and i was like he's got away with it wow but there was a moment where i was like initially i was like i've got to tell someone i've got to do but then i was like well it's not my is that supermarket yeah we all like what would you have what would you i'm a telltale tit i'm a stick with the rules

i love knocking i actually did nark. I would absolutely nark. Yeah, I've done it multiple times. Yeah. I love it. Get it straight out to the customer service. I'll be like, I'm just going to let you know there's a person in a blah, blah, blah. Real quick description.

I've seen in pocket a, in this case it was a schnickers. I said I've seen in pocket a schnickers. And it looked to be there was other stuff in there. The schnickers was just one of many things. I'll leave that up for you now, but I'm going to go. And then you said you're still security dealing with it? And you're like, you're welcome. See, if I hadn't been treated so aggressively in the past,

I probably would have said something. I'm just always like, the rules apply to me, so why do you think you get away with it? I'm just like, no, I'm not going to get anyone. Yeah, but I don't know. It's tough, isn't it? Not really. But do you feel you're even with the supermarket now?

No, I've still got one more. Oh, so you're doing strike for strike. Yeah, strike for strike. So this was for

telling off for the taking of the photo. Yeah, which again at the time I said it's pointless. Like, you're telling me off for taking a photo

of a jar of pickles. I'm not like, I don't work for the opposition supermarket. Right. Yeah, so I've still got one left. But now,

next time you see someone stealing, you'll turn a blind eye because they thought you were shoplifting that time at South Surf Checkout. Yeah, right. But then after that... And then after that, I'll knock on the people. Right. Yeah, we'll be even.

But no, then they'll owe you one. So if you see... If you're planning to steal and you see Fletch... No, don't encourage people to steal. No, I'm just saying, then you need to find a new strike. Do it in the next couple of weeks. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Harmonising

I laughed I wanted to beat him But then I laughed We were harmonising I rated that harmony Yeah that was beautiful Thank you I always have to do

The first part of the harmony And someone has to match me Because I don't have the air to match Yeah I learnt that recently And I'm okay with it Yeah I'm not going to be In a barbershop quartet I always have to do the first part of the harmony and someone has to match me because I don't have the air to match. Yeah. I learned that recently and I'm okay with it. Yeah. I'm not going to be in a barbershop quartet. No, because sometimes I do the harmony

and then you end up copying what I'm doing. I know. I can't. This may surprise people. Musically, I'm somewhat limited. Yeah. It doesn't surprise me. Huge surprise.

Today's fact of the day is a cat fact. Yay! Cat fact. The fact is that a cat co-authored an influential physics paper in 1975. Did it stand on a typewriter or keyboard? No, it did not. No, it didn't. This was a view into atomic behaviour.

It's been cited multiple times. And Jack Hetherington was the human author. And F.D.C. Willard was the cat that was involved. This is how it worked. This was 1975, you think? So typed on a typewriter. Jack Hetherington finished his paper. He realised that he had used the plural we and our,

such as we have found, our research, we discovered. Yes, our findings, et cetera, et cetera. And then, of course, that was typewritering. Correct. So you couldn't go back and... No, you couldn't control F, find and replace all the we's with I or the ow with my. Okay.

So he thought the simplest way around this was to co-author it with somebody. But not somebody that's going to steal your work or your credit. Yes, or money. Exactly. The credit. Because a human could come and swoop in, do nothing, and be considered an expert on it. Yeah.

So he instead made his cat, Chester, the co-author of the influential physics paper into the view of atomic behavior, FDC Willard, because FDC stood for Felix Domesticus. Yeah. Which is like Domesticus. Yeah. Which is like a cat species. Yeah. And the name of the cat's father was Willard.

So FDC, Felix Domesticus Chester. Yep. And then Willard is the end. And then what happens if you get invited to a university to speak about your paper and you've got to bring your cat? He was invited to join the university's physics department full time. The cat was.

Oh, really? Okay, brilliant. And he was like, oh yeah, it's a cat. I just couldn't be bothered going back and correcting the mistakes I'd made with the we and owls.

Yep. So I just made the cat a co-author. I love it. He talked about it. He could go around and happily speak about it. And if he ever asked, he would then say that the co-author was his cat.

Was he lazy, this man? Because that sounds like a lazy person's way to fix a mistake, and I'm all for it. That's why you should always hire lazy people. I don't think lazy people undertake publishing a paper on the view into a comic behind it. Yeah. True.

Like, he could have literally found all the pages and he could have wiped out of them and then retyped over. Yes, he could have. He sounds lazy, but very bright. Yeah. Smart lazy. Very lazy and the cat got some credit. So today's fact of the day is in 1975,

a cat co-authored an influential physics paper. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. The Virgen years, I've just been told that's pronounced virgin, and that's fine. We all learn things. But young Australians, there's been a study done in Australia that shows that young Australians, more and more are remaining virgins. Right.

40% of 18 to 24s are virgins. Right, okay. Yeah, and that's the highest it's been for a while. But they're being outdone by their parents. Even those who are not virgins are not having as much sex as the people in their parents' age bracket. Bracket.

Okay, group. Wow. Megan's screwing up her face. So you mean... Your parents are doing it more. More than us. Mm-hmm. 15% of people in the 18 to 24 demographic

say they have sex once a month compared to the 40 to 49 age. What? You missed that look on Fletcher's face when you said that stat. What? When you said once, having sex once a month,

his face. What? Like that's a month, his face. What? Like that's a shockingly low amount. No, I didn't say anything. Well, no, because you're 40, so you fall into the 40 to 49 age range. 30% are having sex at least once a month. Oh, yeah, great. So there you go.

Double the numbers. Double the numbers. You've got to scroll up. Just like every birthday, you've got to scroll into the net. You keep scrolling online when you fill out one of those pull-down boxes for your age group. It's terrifying. Or it's worse when you have to put in your birth year

and you have to go up heaps. Gotcha. Gotcha, early 80s. But then that's positive for people who are on the older end of the scale. It's like something to look forward to. So a sexologist looked into it and said three facets. Okay.

Three reasons. Social media. What about it? Well, no, it's taking out the face-to-face. Everyone's just doing all their talking online. Okay. So you're saying that people are too scared to meet? Yeah.

Apparently, and pornography and online and dating apps. So pornography because you would just get off at home and so you don't need that, but also,

and I hadn't thought about this, it makes people who haven't had any experience think everybody looks like that naked or that's what

those parts are supposed to look like. Yeah, because there are some interesting TED Talks on that. The way that it's kind of shaping. That's why notice parks are where it's at. Because you see all kinds of bodies. Yeah.

It's a great idea. It's a spectrum. Yeah. And you know that bodies don't have to look or should not look a certain way when unclothed. Yeah. Yeah.

So also, the sexologist said that the general consensus on dating apps is when you're presented with an endless stream of options, you suffer from choice paralysis.

Yeah, I find that as well if I get like ordering at takeaway places with the big menu boards. Like if there were three burgers or three options,

easy. But you got all these options. Yeah. Can't choose. And you've got all these options. Yeah. Can't choose. And then because they're overwhelmed by choice and then they can just flick to the next tab and it's porn, they don't, it doesn't end up happening. Right.

Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. So, it's not all necessarily bad though. No, not really. I don't think. Waiting a little bit longer and making it with somebody special. I'm not saying you have to.

Do whatever you want. It's yours. It's your V card to do with what you please. Yeah, it's never that great. First time. Yeah, I waited and it still wasn't that great. I'm just kidding. that great.