ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - January 24 2020

Episode Date: January 23, 2020

It is Producer James' last show! Friday Flashback and what did the courier see?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music. Live the air. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Thanks, Ash. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Hearing that news story that we're the least corrupt country in the world just makes me want to make some stories of when you've bribed someone. So I don't believe we're 100%. Oh, we're not corruption free. No, we're the least. We're the least. Oh, just the least. Yeah. Okay, I'm good.

The least of a bad bunch. The least of a bad bunch. See, have you ever travelled to a country where they're like, oh, yeah, if you get in trouble, you just bribe the police? Yeah, I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I was scared that it would get me in more trouble. Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, it's James' last day with the show today. I think we should start the last show with what the people want. And that's a GoDaddy. Look at that deep voice. Late today, James. You were very late. I was late today.

You were the latest you've ever been. I had a lot of snoozes and it was quite nice, actually. We were like, he's probably just not going to come in. I was thinking it for a little bit. For sure. Total power play to not show up on your last day. Do I have to? Yeah.

Give us a real. Absolutely. Let me cut the music in. Let's get ready for this. We might even need two. Yeah. Just an idea. If we're going to do two, then I think everyone has to do one.

What about if you did a Go Daddy and a Yes Mommy? Oh, yeah. Why? I like that. I like that. What a great idea. That's just something for everybody. Mommy.

Who's saying that, James? Not mommy. Spanish. Mami. That sounds like it would have to be quite higher. Is James saying this? Yeah, James is saying it. No, you're deep. Yes, mami. That sounds like it would have to be quite higher. Is James saying this? Yeah, James is saying it. No, you're deep.

Yes, mami. It's like you're letting your female Spanish lover know that she's... It's the last ever. I feel like he could go to HR for this. It's his last ever GoDaddy. Let's do GoDaddy first. Okay. GoDaddy first.

GoDaddy. That was a good Go Daddy That was a good one Very throaty Do you want to do a Yes Mommy? It can't be Mummy It's got to be Mommy Please don't do Mommy Yes Mommy This is just for everybody

Yes Mommy Yeah This is just for everybody. Not that one. Okay. Yes, mommy. Yeah. Oh, what a shame. That was pretty good. It's your last day and we've just discovered that. We're going to miss those, aren't we? We're going to miss the GoDaddy's. Yeah.

Miss the GoDaddy's. Wow. Yes, mommy's. Excellent. All right. Coming up on the show today, another chance for you to win cash prizes and hit refresh thanks to ASB. So you're going to be listening out for the activator.

At some stage during the show today, the top six is coming up because tomorrow is the Chinese New Year. Happy Chinese New Year. Happy Chinese New Year. And there begins the year of the rats. I think that's my year. It's been year of the pig. Are you turning 36 this year?

Don't tell everyone. Okay, so that's multiples of 12, and I knew you weren't turning 24. So I'm a rat. And I knew you weren't 48. Oh, you're a rat. Oh, yuck. No, but that's good in the animals from the new year. It's actually not bad. It's not bad. The top six good things about being good in the animals from the... It's actually not bad.

It's not bad. The top six good things about being born in the year of the rat. All right. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. All right, you lovely listener. It's story time.

DJ Fletch. Hey-o. Name my ear horn, yeah. Pow, pow, pow. Need my air horn, yeah. Pow, pow, pow. Story time, three news headlines. You've got to pick one of the following three headlines. Vaughan and Megan. Headline one, man pays $200 for Tupperware container of dirt.

Headline two, bank robber forgets vital part of disguise. And headline three, man dies on throne. Man died poopy doing poopies. Lots of people die doing poopies, eh? Yeah, because you can strain. Sometimes if you're straining, you're like, oh, don't go too hard because you don't want an aneurysm. You don't want to die in the toilet.

Elvis died on the toilet, eh? Yeah, Elvis died. Or a prolapsed anus. Yeah. Well, you don't want to prolapse your anus and then die. I'd like to be found with some small amount of dignity left. Oh, look, either way, St John are going to have to see a scene. The way I sit on a bathroom toilet and lean back,

so it's not like I'm going to die and they're going to find me sat. I'll be forward and sort of like a downward dog. Prolapsed anus. Bleeding from the nose. Because you've hit your nose on the tiles. I've hit the ground. Your blister tooth. Yeah.

And because our toilets are not very long, they try to open it and the door would hit me in the head. And then my kids would stick their head around the corner of the door and they'd be like, Dad, what are you doing? Dad, something weird. No. Sorry, kids. Dad's dead.

Dad's dead. Don't look at that. What a way to go. Oh, my God. My family would still stink shame me. Yeah. Oh, stinks in there. You're dead, aren't you?

Still stinks. You stink. Your poo stinks worse than everybody's. Sick of that. Anyway, what story? Do we want that story? No, I want to know about the guy who bought the Tupperware full of dirt. Oh, yeah, I just didn't want that bank robber one.

He's just forgotten his mask or something, right? No. Oh. Incorrect. Pants. No. Gun. No. Pants. No. Gun. No.

Sack. No. Money. We go now. He had a prolapse notice. Mid-bank robbery. We go now to Italy, where a Texas man who was stationed in Italy for military duty has spent $200 to ship a Tupperware

container full of dirt. Why? Because he wants his son to be born on Texas soil. Oh my. Mom gonna get my boy born on that soil. Probably the most Texas thing ever. So he

has posted about the shipment and he plans to place the dirt under his pregnant wife's hospital bed. Oh, okay. Okay. So I thought someone was going to hold it at the... At the...

The opening. At the opening. The opening. The baby comes out and it's like... On the dirt. Soil. Well, it's not very sterile, no, for a newborn. No, so the Tupperware container will be under the bed

and then they can say that the baby was born over Texas land. That's so lame. Yeah, because how cool would it be to say I was born in Italy? He's Italian. Cool. Yeah. Do you get an Italian passport? I don't know what Italy's...

Or a birth... I don't know what Italy's... But then if you're a... Because that differs country to country. And you might be at a US military base, so that might be, like, different as well. Yeah, true. Like, if you were born in an embassy.

Yeah, because that's like... In the movies, where I was like, get to the embassy, they can't touch us. It's always an Ecuadorian embassy. Yeah, yeah. Get to the Ecuadorian embassy. How will we know which one it is? It's to the embassy. They can't touch us. It's always an Ecuadorian embassy. Yeah, yeah. Get to the Ecuadorian embassy. How will we know which one it is? It's got banana trees.

Yeah, they get there, but then I've never known what happens if you rush there and then gave birth on their, I don't know. Yeah. Interesting. Well, there you go. $200.

Yeah. You'd never get that in here. Nah. No, you'd never be able to ship that to New Zealand. No way. We don't want your ground manky bugs. 12 past six. A Uber driver, an Uber driver, has come to someone's rescue.

This is quite a cute story. Was it a five-star rescue? Would you give them five stars? I'd say she gave five stars. All right. And a $2 tip. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. So an Uber driver, and I think this is in the States.

Right. An Uber driver, he's a lift and an Uber driver. Okay. He was to pick up a female and he's written an account of what happened. So he said that while he was driving for Uber, he got a call to pick up a woman and he accepted it. And just 30 seconds after he accepted it, she sent him a message via the app. Do you ever use this? Are you like, I'll be downstairs over the road from thingy or I'm just here?

Yeah. Do you ever do that? Yeah. Because otherwise, like if they wait too long, they just drive away. So, like, I'll message you and be like, I'm just down the long driveway. Especially if it's at night, I don't want to wait on the road. I'm down the long driveway. And you don't want to walk down the driveway, eh? Yeah.

No, as in, like, I walk up to meet you when you get there. Right, okay. Or something like that. So, she sent him a message on the app. It said, when you get here here Can you pretend to be my boyfriend Oh Like you're not an Uber driver You're her boyfriend coming to pick her up

Yeah What would you think you're driving into though I know I was like give her more information So he was like I don't know what capacity She meant I didn't know what was happening So I said what do you mean And she said I need you to act like you know me and that you're not my Uber driver.

Still not enough information. She just elaborated on the first point. I think you'd pick up that she sounds like she's in a bit of trouble or she's been creeped on. Yeah, okay, so you'd go to that. I'd go to that. I'd be like, okay, well, just got to come in and do this. So he was like, okay, yeah, I can do that.

He took the Uber and Lyft stickers out of his window. He said he didn't feel comfortable removing his wedding ring. So he was like, I'll just keep it out of sight. When he got there, he rolled the window down and he could see a man and a woman in a yard and they were talking. And she yelled out, hi, babe, I'll be right there. So he yells out, awesome, I'm starving, kind of straight into, like, boyfriend mode.

And so she kind of, like, toddled over, and the other guy was like, oh, yeah, half-assed wave back. She toddled over, got in the car, and they drove away. Now, that's when she says to the Uber driver, thanks so much, we were out with a group of guys. We went to a fair. In this group of guys was the guy that was standing with her on the lawn.

He was very forward with her. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He has a history of being aggressive. She thought she could leave him behind by heading to her car, but he followed her claiming to be a gentleman. And then she got to her car and said, oh, I've lost my keys. He offered to give her a ride, and that's when she decided to call her boyfriend.

Wow. And the Uber driver was like, wow, okay. Yeah, that's intense. Yeah, but I mean, we don't know where that story would have ended. Like, quick thinking from her, and also like, good on the Uber driver. But should never have been put in that situation in the first place. Well yeah exactly. No means no. Still ask for

five stars. You know how you're not supposed to but they do. Are they not supposed to ask? No they never. I don't know. Is there a rule they're not meant to ask? But every now and again one will be like five stars. Oh we do. I always give five stars. I'll give you five stars. We do a little five star a will be like, five stars. Oh, we do. We're doing this. Okay. I always give five stars. Well, they're like, I'll give you five stars.

We do a little five star, a little me give you five stars. I mean, you drove up on that curb and nearly rear-ended that person, but yeah, okay. Oh, yeah, we had that once. Yeah, in Sydney. I was like, I'll still give this guy five stars just because, you know. It was early. We got there very fast. It was very early.

From the ZM Think Tank, this is the top six. Well, it's the Chinese New Year tomorrow, and thus kicks off the year of the rat. The year of the rat last happened 12 years ago. That's how these work. There's 12 animals in the Chinese zodiac. Yep. And the rat

was 12 years ago. And this time around, in the year 2020, you'll be a metal rat. Because there's not only the rat, but there's an element. Oh. So you were 84, Megan. Yeah. You were a wood rat. I'm a goat. Yeah.

Greatest of all time. The goat and the sheep. That's the thing you shouldn't be because you probably think, boo, it's the rat, but it's quite an important creature to the story of the Chinese zodiac. I mean, it's no dragon. It's no dragon or tiger. Is the goat important? This is what it says about the goat.

People born in the year of the goat are generally believed to be gentle, mild-mannered, shy, stable, sympathetic, amicable, and brimming with a strong sense of kind-heartedness and justice. That's not you at all. That's me to a T. It's an absolute. Are they just making a description complimentary and people are willing to, you know, mould themselves to fit it?

They're like, yeah, that's me. That's totally me. That's me. But after the rat is the ox. Oh, okay. So that's next after this Chinese New Year, but it kicks off tomorrow. But you might be thinking,

because if you were born in 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996 or 2008, you will be in the year of the rat. Unless you were born in January. This is your year. Yeah. This is your year. Cool. Time to shine.

The rat, though, might be a bit stink, but here are the six good things about being born in the year of the rat. Okay. Number six, rats carry plagues, but they don't necessarily die from them. Great news. Hello, coronavirus. So you're fine this year. You could transmit it. Just carry it.

Not die from it. Well, did you hear in the news they were saying they're working on a vaccine? Hopefully they'll be testing it by June. We could all be dead by then. See, I read one that said it could take years. I was like, oh, we don't have years. See, I'd happily chuck up the walls. What?

The temporary walls. We like, everyone just. Oh, yeah. Until it's solved, all the countries just stay where they are. Right. No travel. No. Oh, that would be.

Yeah, I know it would affect you, but I'm okay with it. I'm okay with it. Number five on the list of the top six good things about being born in the year of the rat. Rats can go longer than camels without drinking water. I didn't know that. But you can't go longer than a camel without a vodka soda lime. Am I right,

Raddies? Yes. Am I right? Yes. Number four on the list of the top six good things about being born in the year of the rat. Rats are caring. Are they? They take care of the sick rats in the group being born in the year of the rat. Rats are caring. Are they? They take care of the sick rats in the group. Yes. I didn't know this about rats.

I do. Rats look after sick rats until they die, then I guess they eat them. Did you see that story over the holiday of that guy that took a sleeping pill and woke up and a rat was eating his face? Oh my God. I was like... That and a spider being on you. Yeah, no thanks. What was on his face that the rat wanted to eat?

Maybe he'd left some marmite on there or something. Yeah, like he'd rolled in a bit of brie or chamomile or something. Or peanut butter. Yeah, and the rat was just like, I'll have that. I'll have a bit of that. Number three on the list of the top six good things about being born in the year of the rat. You're the star of the underrated animated film Ratatouille, which I speak about often on the list of the top six good things about being born in the year of the rat. You're the star of the underrated animated film Ratatouille.

I speak about often on the show. Yeah, you do. Great animated film. Great chef. Yeah, yeah, great chef. They shouldn't be in the kitchen. That's what makes the movie great. Number two on the list of the top six good things about being born in the year of the rat.

You actually won the race in the Chinese Zodiac story. You are the first sign of the Chinese Zodiac. Oh, okay. This is how it worked. Just as the river was the last part of the race, and you pushed the cat in. I don't like cats. It's a sick play. Pushed the cat in.

The tiger, I think. Is there a whole story behind the Chinese zodiac? I don't know. Well, I was trying to think. It would be, yeah, no, it is the one thing my father-in-law's good for. Yeah. A little bit of Chinese history. Yeah, right.

Yeah, the rat won because it got to the water and the rat jumped on the ox. And the ox, because like a water buffalo, so the ox was doing well through the water. And then just as it got to the end, the rat ran over the top on the ox, and the ox, because, like a water buffalo sort of ox, was doing well through the water. And then just as it got to the end, the rat ran over the top of the ox, jumped off his nose and got to the other side first and won the race. What happened to the goat? Did they eat the goat? No, they didn't eat the goat. They didn't eat the goat.

I can tell you where the goat came, though, because I've got a list here, and it's in order of who won. The pig came last, then the dog. Oh, that's my one. Rooster, monkey. Yeah, he came about half field, just behind the horse. So average.

Yeah, that's about me. I won, though, out of the three of us. You won. You're a rat. You won the race. Yuck. And the number one thing

about, a good thing about being born in the year of the rat, you'll never go hungry because you can eat food out of the bin and not at all feel guilty about it. That's you. Again, Megan because you can eat food out of the bin and not at all feel guilty about it.

That's you. Again, Megan. You've eaten food out of the bin once. That was Nick. That wasn't me. It was that rumor that he picked that apple

out of the bin and ate it. I didn't. Oh, Megan ate an apple out of the bin. And now it's like everyone holds onto it like it was me.

I think it was you that ate it out of the bin. It was a half-eaten apple and he finished it off out of the bin. Can you imagine me eating an apple out of the bin. It was a half-eaten apple and he finished it off out of the bin. Can you imagine me eating an apple out of the bin? No, actually I can't. I can't even. I want that to be true

so badly, but you would never do that. I don't think you ate a donut out of the bin. Does that sound like something I would do? Yeah, that is something you would do. What? Remember that time Megan ate a donut out of the bin? I don't even eat donuts that are not in the bin.

I know, that's why it was such a weird story. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. I've got a new idea for a segment that we can try on the show next. Okay. It's new and it's easy. Oh, okay. Well, I'm all for a new easy segment. Some bad news, Vaughn, for you and me.

Okay. Because yesterday I got lasered again. Oh, okay. And how long ago did you spring this on me? Still playing that approach, are we? Yeah, yeah. That's what my chuckle was about. I mean, you keep going back and making your own appointments.

I'm just going back and forth. I don't know. It was last year. Yeah, it was last year. It was last year. God, you've needed a few sessions, eh? No, I don't reckon I need many more. I reckon I'll go one more.

Right. What did they say? I'm just going to follow their professional instructions. Well, I'm just keeping on going and doing it until... Yeah. Because how many did you have to get? Until your ass is as smooth as a new plate from Briscoe's. What a weird analogy.

Well, I was trying to think of something that was like really smooth. And a plate from Briscoe's is the smoothest thing. Well, then I was going to say plate, but then I thought people might confuse... I meant dinner plate. I should have just said dinner plate. Your ass is as smooth as a dinner plate. No. From Briscoe's.

No. Can't look at the Briscoe's lady the same way now. Yeah. How many did you need when you did Laser Megan? I think maybe about 10 sessions. Oh, Jesus. Right. So we go to the same place off and on.

Lovely people. Yeah. But when did we, we talked about this last year. You told me the lady's leaving. That lasers us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll know where we're on to our. Because that was the second lady.

And then the second lady. So yesterday. From Texas. And then she was leaving. She's gone. She's gone. I had a new lady yesterday. Oh, you've broken her in.

I like that she says your rain is before mine. The third person to see my butt at this place. Right, right, right. And she was, like, super lovely. And, like, we were having big yarns. And she was like, I said, oh, have you lasered Vaughan? She's like, no. No, I haven't.

Oh, okay. But she'd lasered Caitlin, old producer Caitlin. So she knew Caitlin. Right. And I was like, interesting. And then at the end, I'm like. Oh, okay. But she'd lasered Caitlin, old producer Caitlin. So she knew Caitlin. Right. And I was like, interesting. And then at the end, I'm like, oh, thank you. And she booked me in for the next appointment. And she said, oh, by the way, I'm just filling in.

It'll be another, because I did joke about the fact that she's the third person to see my butt. At off and on. At off and on. Thank you for that. Thank you for that. Many have seen it outside of the sacred four walls of off and on. And she said, by the way, I'm filling in.

It'll be a fourth person next time. So am I going to get? I don't know if you're going to get the filler in or skip her. You might get the reliever laser technician. Right. But you might get a new person again. So I'm just saying there could be four for you as well. Right. Yeah. Because mine,

I've had a top up. Because, you know, after a few years you have to have a top up. And I had a lovely lady, but then she went on maternity leave. So I had to get another one as well. And it's just the initial like, okay, are we going to have a conversation? Are we going to be quiet?

Like, what are we going to chat about? Are we going to be quiet? Like, what are we going to chat about? Is it going to be awkward? Yeah. But they're always fine. I think I prefer the chat because it's not meant to be like a massage. No chat. I want a relaxing, quiet time. But, like, when someone's shooting lasers into your anus,

I like a little bit of chat to break there. Otherwise, I could imagine being quite awkward silence. What does your dad think about? I just can't imagine Ian. Does Ian know you get your butt hole lasered? Yeah. What does he say about it? He doesn't care.

He knows. Well, he's a hairy man. I get it from him. Yeah. I can just imagine him being like, what are you doing that for? No, I don't think he. He's very progressive though, isn't he? He's very progressive.

Very progressive. Well, my cousin is a, I don't think he... He's very progressive, though, isn't he? He's very progressive. Very progressive. Well, my cousin is a... I don't know if she... Your dad was a cyclist, though, wasn't he? Well, yeah, he shaved his knees. So he would have had to do a lot of hair removal. Yeah, that's true. In his day.

And then his niece, one of his nieces, two of his nieces have done beauty therapy, but they needed models, hairy models to wax. And he was like, I'll help you out. Did he? Yeah. And he was like, oh, Jesus. Never again.

He just got his shoulders and back done. Oh, yeah. And he was like, because I got my back waxed for years before I got the laser in. He's like, I don't know how you do it. That was horrendous. And then they did his monobrow for nothing. Oh, yeah. Waxed a bit of wax on there and ripped that out.

They do his nails. He said, that hurt. I don't know if he's had his nails done. I don't know if he's had a mani-pedi. He likes to treat himself, though. Yeah. He's a very, he's a contrasting man. Like farmer, builder, truck driver, like all those jobs.

Yeah. But then cake maker, calligraphy. Does he do calligraphy? I didn't know he did calligraphy. He does. Well, he's got wonderful handwriting. Yeah, right. I put a video up at Christmas of him writing on an ice cream container

and people were like, you need to make a YouTube series where we just watch your dad write things because it was so relaxing. But yeah, he's always had really nice handwriting and then he always did the college night courses. That's where he did the cake making. Yeah. And then he did a calligraphy one. Yeah. Wow. He's still had really nice handwriting and then he always did the college night courses. That's where he did the cake making. Yeah. And then he did a calligraphy one. Yeah.

He's still got his set. He's still got his calligraphy set. And he still writes. I think he gets for birthday cards. He gets out the fountain pen and writes it. Nice for birthday cards. What are your talents? Nothing.

It is nine minutes away from seven. All right, next on the show, a new segment I was talking about. It's called, What Are We Talking About Next? It's a question I often find myself asking in studio because I forget. Yeah. Or I wasn't listening in the first place when I was told. I was like, What Are We Talking About Next? And I thought the fun version would be if no one knew what we were talking about next,

but a caller calls in and says, what about this? And then we talk about that. Right. What are we talking about next? We don't have any preparation. Perfect. So, theater sports. So, what are we?

It is like that. It's like yelling out. And we tag each other in and out as we, and, yes, and, and. Yes, and. Don't say no. So, it's like we're doing theatre sports and we're yelling out into the audience, give us a subject. A little bit like that.

But then what if it's a lame subject? Well no, that's up to you to turn it around then. Oh really? Yeah. So, okay, so do you need subject, do you need people to call in now with subject matter? With a topic to talk about next? Yeah. Maybe it could be a topic, it could be something that they next. Yeah. Maybe it could be a topic.

It could be something that they've just thought about. It could be a current event. A current event. Maybe something's on your mind. Anything. Yeah. It could be anything. Okay, well, 0800 DARS at M969.

Do we text messages or just... We could do text messages too, yeah, if you can't talk, if you just need to fire off a text. Okay, 9696. So we need something to talk about next in our brand new segment called What Are We Talking About Next? What are we talking about next? This is so stupid.

Right, this is your idea for a new segment, Vaughan, called What Are We Talking About Next? Yeah, open it up to the people. What's on the people's minds? What would they like to talk about? And it's an evolving segment, nothing set in stone. Some good suggestions on the text machine. So do we like

take suggestions from the text machine calls and then do we pick? Do you pick one? That's what I was thinking. I could give you five hot topics from the text machine and then you choose. Alright, okay. So there is a little bit of choosing in the fact that I will choose from the many that have come in.

Okay. Five. That I will pick one of the five. Okay. Alright. I believe we've actually got Kim on the phone who did text me a suggestion for what we could talk about next.

Good morning, Kim. Morning. What would you like to discuss? I reckon you should talk about Baby Yoda. Fletch loves Baby Yoda. I just see that stupid little thing and I'm like, ah!

Who doesn't love it? I know, who doesn't love it? Yeah, but do you love it? Wait! Wait, we can't discuss it. Are we discussing it now? We haven't chosen. Or are we choosing? Wait there, Kim. Wait there.

Thank you. Thank you for that suggestion. I don't think we need Kim again, though, do we? Oh. I mean, Kim's done her job. She can still hear you. Kim's done her job. Okay.

Well, no, I'm nothing against Kim. That was lovely and a great suggestion, but. Another topic is the varying size of animal testes. Someone would like to discuss that. Actually, I find that interesting. Some animals are massive and some animals are very small for their size. And proportion to their size. Yeah.

Okay. Someone wants to talk about what moths do during the day. There's so many things I'm like, what do hedgehogs do during the day? They hide in hedges. Do they? They hide in shady areas under leech holes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You shouldn't see them out during the day if you do. Something's amiss. Alright. Okay, so

that's another possible topic of conversation. Someone wants to talk about Fletch's sex life. Absolutely not. I know that's alluded to enough during the show already. Someone wants to talk about astronomy. Okay, pick one.

Who's picking? You pick. It's your segment. I don't want to talk about animal testing, to be honest with you, because immediately when I saw that, I was like, they do vary so much in size. Because humpback whales

are they the largest? Blue whales. Blue whales. I don't know about the testes of blue whales because they're a mammal but they don't have external testes do they?

Oh no I'm thinking They don't have a scrotum dragging behind them while they're training. Well they go from the arctic ocean to the tropicals. Well no because it

wouldn't be very aerodynamic the testes. Imagine if it bang because it wouldn't be very aerodynamic, the testicles. Imagine if it banged it on a coral reef. It'd be like... No, it's... What are you talking about? Blue whale. Blue whale.

It's a northern Pacific right whale that has the largest testicles of all animals. But penis or testicles? No, testicles. They weigh 500 kgs. Oh, H or collectively. Each. That's, where do they keep them? Where do they keep them?

That's a ton. That's two. That's a ton. That's a ton of testes. Where do they keep them? Those are massive. Because if we're, to take it to other animals, it's always surprising to see a ram, like a sheep, like a male sheep, a ram.

Well, I haven't seen that. You grew up on a farm. They're massive. No, because we grew up, we never really had sheep and beef, but the sheep that we did see were females, the ewes. You always had lots of ewes. And you put the rams in for the tupping, but you didn't see them a lot. And then it still surprises me to this day, living rurally again,

now going for a walk or whatever and seeing rams' testicles. Because they don't look like they should have because they shouldn't be that big. Yeah. If they were comparative to the human testes, they'd be much smaller. Megan, you've just got a shocked look on your face. I believe you've got more news on animal testes. Oh, it's the same whale has a four metre penis. Where does it put that? Is that longer than a Toyota Corolla?

Average length of a Toyota Corolla. What Toyota Corolla? A station wagon. It's 12 feet, so that's 12 foot long sandwiches. Subway sandwiches. With cookies? Because you know I always love to get a cookie. When did they last make a Toyota Corolla?

I've got a feeling, is a Corolla a discontinued brand? No. No, it's one of their most popular. The Corolla. I apologise. I apologise. Length of a Toyota Corolla? 2019?

Well, because when you get to a certain length with your car, you've got to pay extra on the Inter-Islander as well, don't you? So the Toyota Corolla has a length of 4.3 metres in the 2019. There you go. When you're next to a Toyota Corolla at the lights, that's a whale's penis. That's how long the whale's penis is. Wowzers. And the testes are like big skip, those big skip rubbish bins full of concrete.

One tonne of testicles. That's a phenomenal amount of testicles. Why don't we immediately go to the biggest? What about the smallest? Because the smallest is not impressive. You want to know the biggest. It's we immediately go to the biggest? What about the smallest? Because the smallest is not impressive. You want to know the biggest. It's human nature, isn't it? You want to know who's the biggest, fastest,

strongest. Great chat. Great chat. Yeah, it's been a good segment. Thank you to the person that text messaged that in. Someone said they've just pulled up alongside a Toyota Corolla and they can't help but imagine Pitch that in. Someone said they've just pulled up alongside a Toyota Corolla. And they can't help but imagine.

Yeah. Of course, the length of the Northern Right Whales penis, but not the girth. Obviously, and no wipers. And just. They're wing mirrors. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. I'll preface this by saying that I, it's not a resolution, but I decided this year I was like, I'm not going to wear like nasty jammies anymore.

I was like, I'm going to treat myself. Oh my. And I'm going to buy like a nice pair of summer jammies and like a nice pair of winter. And that's it. Who needs summer jammies? Like. Well, you sleep naked. I don't sleep naked.

Because I just like, I don't know. I just feel more comfortable. Right. But most people when they're like resolutions, they're like. I know. Weight loss, smoking, money saving. You know, mine are always like stupid. Like wear lipstick every day for a year.

Yeah, get some pajamas. Get some nice jammies. What were your jammies pre-resolution? So, I, not that there's anything wrong with Kmart jammies, but they're like $8 and like I'd like drip makeup on them and, you know. So they were done, you'd use them. And like not very flattering. You just buy big baggy ones

and it's like cotton and they get stretched and nasty and then in summer what would you wear because that sounds like a hot flannel-y

winter-y situation Well and then in summer I'd just wear like like a Kmart Shorty jarvies Yeah And none of these

caught fire No Good Well no they've had a few recalls She doesn't have an open fire. I don't heat my house, famously.

Okay. Yeah. But I had quite nasty jammies. Yeah. So I was like, do you know what? I'm going to treat myself. So I got some cute ones. Where did you get your cute ones from?

The Iconic. Okay. But they were Topshop jammies. Okay. So these pajamas, they are, they're shorties, but they're like quite shorty shorties. And they have, they're like lacy. Goodness me. I'm giving you lots of warning before I come to your house ever.

Yeah. Just in case you're wearing these. We always tell everyone, please give us a warning because it's a good idea. Are you Jammies people? When you get up on the weekend on your work. When are you wearing these Jammies? So when I get home. From work?

Yeah. You're Jammies people. I get in my Jammies. You're Jammies people. Like midday. You wear Jammies all day. Yeah. Afternoon.

But even if I'm going out, so I'll get home and then I know I'm going out like in a few hours, I'll still put my jammies on because it's comfy. And I just like walk around. Just get some comfy clothes. Yeah. No, just wear your jammies. You've got to be ready to go. During the day, you've got to be ready to go.

Ready to pounce. And if you're wearing your jammies, you don't wear a bra because that's the whole point. You're like, ah, freedom out of the bra. Right. Now I can understand. I can imagine getting out of your bra, getting home from work and dropping the old bra would be quite relieving.

Get the old girls out. Yeah. Don't call them the old girls. Let them feel the breeze. I was calling Bourne's ones the old girls, not yours the old girls. So. Am I in my current situation

or in this fictitious scenario where I wear a bra? In this fictitious scenario. Thank wear a bra in this fictitious scenario. Yeah. Yeah. Do you like them? Do you think that'd be nice? Yeah.

Cause I would, I would get augmentation. Yeah. Oh, would you? Okay. I wouldn't be worried about it either. I just get it done. Yeah. Okay.

So I'm wearing Lacey. I'm wearing Lacey. Not a lot there. Pajamas. Cause I treat myself in 2020. Yep 2020 yep um and my husband's like oh i'm leaving work now and i was like cool drive safe see you soon it takes about 20 minutes to get home so i'd say about 20 minutes goes by and i hear someone clomping up the stairs so in my my skimpy jams. I ran out to the front door

and the courier man's right there. And I'm in my like nothing pyjamas. And the only good thing about this was it's not a courier I'd had before so it's not my mate. It's not your usual courier. I feel like that would have been worse

if it was my mate that I always see. Did he look happy to see this? No. Oh, yeah, okay. He was like... Gay courier. Must have been. I don't know any gay couriers.

Someone doesn't find me immediately attractive. They're a lesbian. I assume they're a lesbian. And I'm just not. I'm not packing what they're after. Regardless if I know I'm attractive, but they don't see that, and that's fine.

I mean, they could be with someone else and not have eyes for anyone else, but, oh, they must be gay. His face, I felt so bad, because he was so, and it wasn't, he wasn't happy about it. Oh, well, maybe he was a gay career then. He wasn't happy about it. Did he like, oh, maybe he was a gay courier then.

He wasn't happy. And Leo gets real excited when people come to the door, so he was at my feet jumping about. So I quickly picked him up to like shield my boobs. But when you bent over to get him. Oh, yep. I mean, probably. Probably.

Vaughan, respect my boobs, please. I'm just like, because the skimpy jammies I'm imagining the bit over the shoulder and I was in such a panicked rush very like a stringy it would have been like

quickly pick him up good flow sound you stand up you're holding the dog you're not covering the bird that's fallen out and then he's like please sign here

you haven't got a free hand and you're like oh you're like oh what is it you know you always say to couriers oh what is it but they've got no always say to couriers, oh, what is it? But they've got no idea.

He's like, Christ, I hope this is a sweatshirt or something. The door had glass panels so he could see anyway. And then I opened it a crack like he hadn't already seen. I was like, hello. He said, should I just. I can't open the door the whole way, good sir. I'm in my negligee. And he said, should I just put it on the floor for you?

I was like, yeah, okay. See ya. Don't say yuck. You just said yuck. Don't say yuck. Apologize. But he's a gay courier as well. Let's put it all in that basket.

Yeah, stop forcing your hetero on the gay couriers. Stop pushing your heterosexual agenda on the gay courier community. Well, I would like to know what the courier's seen. They must say some things. Oh, right. So when have you... It doesn't have to be nudity, but it could be. Most of the time I would have imagined it would be.

Yeah. But yeah, okay. And maybe you're a courier listening. What have you seen? Maybe you're a gay courier as well and you've had to... If you are listening, don't call in. We don't need to know what your thoughts were. Anyone.

No, I mean the one that saw me yesterday. Oh, right. We don't need to know your trauma. Not him. Okay. I'm sorry. What does the courier say when the courier's turned up at your house? Very popular show with homosexuals.

I wouldn't be surprised if he's listening. 0800DARLSATAT-M-9696. What has the courier seen? Give us a call. So Megan gave the courier a flash yesterday in her skimpy pyjamas, her summer PJs. And we want to know from you this morning what the courier has seen. Or maybe you're a courier and you've seen some things.

And I guess opening it up because we're hearing from meter readers, truck drivers. Anyone who comes by unannounced. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Jehovah Witnesses, please. No.

Call in on the show. What a person to see you naked. Because you move very silently. Yeah. Don't they? They sneak in the gate, up they come. Because they would see some,

because a lot of people are saying the amount of naked people they see. Yes. They would be really testing the faith, wouldn't they? They sneak in the gate, up they come. Because they would see some, because a lot of people are saying the amount of naked people they see, they would be really testing the faith, wouldn't they? Yeah. Oh, I see what you're saying. They came to convert you, but there might be some, you could be converting them. Converting the conversions. Or however that works.

So, yeah, some stories from couriers and people who turn up unannounced, what you've seen when you got there. Lisa, what did the courier see? My breastfeeding boobs. That was fun. Okay. And how did they react to that? Well, I had my breastfeeding bra on and a top over the top,

and I had the flaps down of the bra, and I answered. Yeah. It was unfortunate. It wasn't good for any of us. He gave me my package and ran. Right, so he didn't look happy to see that? No, he went bright red. He was an older gentleman and spluttered through the package and left.

Again, he could have been a gay courier, though, so you never know. I would love to see a courier running back to their van. It's not enough just to be to retreat. Like, they are running. They've got a lot of packages, though, don't they? Lisa, thanks for your call. Jessie, what happened? So it wasn't so much a courier,

but I had a priest coming over to pick up a cake. And he told me, yeah, he told me he'd be there at 2 o'clock. So I was like, cool, okay. Jumped in the'd be there at 2 o'clock. Okay. So I was like, cool, okay, jumped in the shower quickly about 1 o'clock. It was 1.30 and I was sitting on my couch in just a towel and I used to be a lot bigger than I am now. So the towel, I mean, it covered stuff but not, you know, the greatest. Yeah. And yeah, he shows up and I just had a sliding door as my main door.

Okay. So he shows up and I'm just sitting there in this towel that barely covered anything. And I was like, um, hello? And he was like, I'm here to pick up the cake. And I was like, just give me a moment. Right away. And yeah, and this priest was just like, it's okay, don't apologise. And I was like, this is so awkward.

Yeah. Wow. We are made in God's image. I'm sure he's got a Bible verse that could repeat that. So, you know, very true. Thanks, you call Jessie. Rebecca, not a career, but someone came unannounced. Yeah.

Hi, guys. So I'm theounced? Yeah. Hi, guys. So I'm the crazy rabbit lady. Oh, right. Yeah. I offered one actually. I don't want one. He doesn't like rabbits. He doesn't like rabbits.

It's not time for rabbits. No. Anyway, the other day I was going to clean out my kid's toy room because it's a big store. Yeah. And it was so hot that I thought, screw this, I'm taking my top off. Okay. And going completely topless.

Okay. And, like, seriously, one minute later, there's a knock at the door, and the room that I'm in is visible to the door, front door, and there's this woman standing there, and I walk out totally topless and i'm sure she saw all of it and i grabbed my top and i'm like oh my god oh my god race down the hall put my top back on come back out and i think shit shoot do i say anything do i just ignore that she might have seen everything and um yeah she was from the SBC. She had a checkmate with it. Why is this woman topless in a room playing with toys?

She didn't say anything? Not a word. She definitely saw. You should have said, you haven't seen my twin sister, have you? She was glancing around here topless. She's always naked. I thought she would have got the door. Yeah. Rebecca, thanks.

You called some text messages. Someone said, I'm a truckie. So we're pretty much just couriers between depots. Yeah. With a higher viewing position. Some of the things we see happening in cars. Yeah, right. Madness. Yeah. Madness. And on hot days, people

do like to drive barely clothed. Yeah, but I could drive and, see, I just want to wear shorts Because you never know When you have a breakdown Or somebody Could crash into you Then you've got to get out

In your undies Yeah Yeah I was imagining you'd keep But then I don't like a seatbelt Across my If I'm topless

On your nipples Yeah Because I don't want Yeah belt chafing On my nips Yeah Because it will It will

It will really chafe I'm a female courier And the amount of naked men Is insane I'm a female courier and the amount of naked men is insane. I'm always seeing naked men on my courier rounds. Yeah, right. That's what somebody else said. Somebody said, I'll tell you what, if you were a homosexual courier

and your cup of tea was old men, you'd be really enjoying your job. Oh, really? Because old men seem to be the call of the day for arriving at people's houses and they're either in their white Y-front jocks or just completely naked. Right. Old men. Just in the middle of the day.

Yeah. Yeah, okay. A lot of couriers saying that people are watching something on television that they... Shouldn't be. On TV. Yeah, on the big screen. Oh.

I know. How old is he still? Probably off VHS. Or a DVD maybe. Who knows? Yeah. Yeah, no, couriers are getting an eyeful.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. It's his last day. It's his last show after three and a half years. Three and a half years, yeah. Three and a half years

on the show. Producer James is joining the Exodus. Some have called it an Exodus. Yes. Jumping off the and a half years, yeah. Three and a half years on the show. Producer James is joining the Exodus. Some have called it an Exodus. Jumping off the sinking ship. We're the engineers on the Titanic. We're standing on board. Make sure everyone's got power right until...

Yeah, we believe this ship can still make it. Yeah, well, it's part of the fool's journey. But, no, it's flown by. When you said three and a half years the other day. I know. It's crazy. Has it flown by for you? It actually has.

Oh, that's good. It has. I mean, yeah, came in here nice and fresh faced. Three and a half years later, I've lost my hair. I need glasses now. It's just torn me to pieces. You've been ruined, yeah. And so you're taking up a job because people are like,

where's James going? You're taking up a job with Auckland Rugby doing like their social media and stuff. Yeah, handling a whole lot of stuff with them in terms of social media. Covering up some player scandals when they get drunk and dance on cars. And you start Monday. Tuesday. Tuesday.

You should have just gone to the opposition radio station. They give you three months off. That would have been great, actually. No, I'm straight into it. No, I'm stressed. Tuesday. Tuesday. You should have just gone to the opposition radio station. They give you three months off. That would have been great, actually. No, I'm straight into it. No, I'm stressed. Okay. Straight into it. So no rest.

And no early morning, four o'clock wake up? It was the last one this morning. And I woke up and I did, well, I was here late. So I actually thought I might as well just stay in bed. I can call you at 4am and be like, morning, James. No, no. I will be absolutely fine do you want to be taken

out of the group chat do I want to be or do you want to be left in well I mean I'm pretty non-existent on the group chat anyway so I won't really

I won't really matter well that's the thing you don't say much but when you do it's pretty good it's pretty good it's gold yeah I feel like

when I need to say something I'll say something but other than that, I'm happy to hang in the background. You're not a shadow pony, are you? No, I'm not into that. Some words. What are we going to say?

Some words now? Later. Later. Later? Yeah. Are we going to the present now? The present. We've got a present.

I didn't know there was a present. Yeah, we've got a present. I mean, don't get too excited. Don't get too excited. Don't poo-poo the present before he gets it. No, I'm doing that managing expectations thing. I love how he just casually wandered. Like, we're doing a radio show, mate.

Put a bit of stride in your stick. Did you break it? It was closer to you, Megan. You could have got off your seat and got the damn thing. You were pushing out the chair. Stop ruining Christmas by arguing in front of the children. He's about to go on his OE. He wants to be the one

to give it to him. He doesn't want his mum and dad fighting as they leave. He was pushing out the chair. I'm like, Vaughn wants to give him the present.

Oh, get it. I was just moving along. He wants to be the center of attention. God, you're going to miss this, James. Let him open his present, woman. Shut your trap. You're going to miss this, James.

Can I go now? Yes. What if they have these sorts of arguments that look like rugby? Tell your father. Tell your father. Okay. Well, I do remember producer Caitlin got a frame as well.

That's why I said don't get too excited. My first thoughts. Yeah. First thoughts, boy. Yeah. Oh, yep, yep. Oh, guys, it's a picture frame. It is. Yep. Oh, yep, yep. Oh, guys, it's a picture frame. It is.

And it's, wow, this is amazing. It's exactly what we got producer Caitlin. It is the exact same thing that you got from producer Caitlin. Very true. True. We don't play favourites. No, I love it, guys. This is amazing.

Thank you very much. There you go. True friends are never apart, maybe in distance, guys. This is amazing. Thank you very much. There you go. True friends are never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart. See, I won't be too far away. No, geographically, you're not going to change that. We probably could have changed the quote. Actually, when Caitlin got given this and it got sort of drawn up,

I got a lot of messages that they've actually made me almost the tallest in the group and they've given me hair. Yeah. So, I mean, that's a great present. Just to have that feeling as well. The height and the hair. Thank you guys so much. I look like Walter White at the end of season four of Breaking Bad. But I'm actually

okay with that because he had lots of money, didn't he? He did, yeah. He was a great guy. But anyway, we're reliving some of our favourite moments with James and this is... Would this be your favourite? This is my absolute favourite. Just after Peter Alexander was in, we were just talking on fear. We were talking about why we went to bed,

and I said I wasn't lying to him. I do just wear the boxes that he gave us last time to bed most nights. Megan, you sleep naked. I'm a naked sleeper too. But this is where the bombshell dropped, just behind the scenes. James, the producer. I don't find this weird. I don't dropped, just behind the scenes. James, the producer. I don't find this weird.

I don't know why everyone finds this weird. How did you describe, what was the turn of phrase you used for how you sleep? I said, I Donald Duck. So I wear a T-shirt, but no pants. To bed. So I'm, yeah, my bottom half's naked, but I've got a T-shirt on.

Is it like when a girl wears their boyfriend's t-shirt? No, it's just your normal t-shirt. It's quite a short one that just comes to like... So it's kind of like... So it's not a crop top or a nightie. So it goes almost to the base and then it just... The tip or the base? The base.

Because which one's the top and which one's the base? No, no, no. But no, it goes to like, yeah, like the probably my, like, the mid area sort of thing. Like, just below your stomach. Is it because your top half gets cold? Yeah. And like, but my legs get too hot. So it seems like the solution though, isn't it?

What a problem to face. I'm sure there's so many people that do it. I've never heard of anyone Donald Ducking. Really? Never. I can't wear something around me because it just, you know, gets tangled up and it gets so tight and you wake up and, you know.

But what happens if you need to get up in the flat and go for a toilet break at that nightclub? No one's up. Anyway, I just run down the hallway. Do you pull the T-shirt down a little bit? No. You run down the hallway or you just walk? No, it just stays there.

I just run down the hallway every year, right? Oh, God. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Do you want me to talk about this or are you going to? This is something that I, like, mentioned to you yesterday and you think it's weird. Well, I think it's weird. I thought it was unusual.

Why? I thought it was different. Weird, unusual, different. Well, you just dropped it after the show. Yeah, like, you did one of those things where you casually mentioned it and expected it to just not stick. Because I didn't think it was a thing. I didn't think it was weird.

So I like to try different exercises, different things. And I've been wanting to get back into Pilates for a little bit. When did you do Pilates before? I used to do like bar and Pilates Remember when I was like getting ready for the wedding? Like two years ago I got invited to a Pilates class Misread it

Thought it said pirates So I go fully dressed up Jones, but I like it I like it I'm here I'm ready to go I'm ready for that dad joke. Wow.

I liked it. We're going to do Downward Dog. We call that work in the playing. Am I in the right? Are we doing cosplay? What's the? Oh, my God. I came as Captain Jack Sparrow.

It hasn't got better. It's still bad. Pirates? That's not how you say it. It said pirates. I liked it. You know pirates. I liked it. You know what? I liked it.

Thanks. So, yeah, I was looking into doing it. And that's when I mentioned to you guys yesterday that I was going to try it. Which isn't the weird part about it? No. So I said we were having, my husband and I, a private Pilates lesson at a house. Sounds like a threesome to me.

That's the weird part. Why is it weird? Sounds like how you disguise your new menagerie twer. What? No, so there's like instructors that don't have a studio who will go to their houses. Oh, like go to a studio. No, but the trouble is a lot of the classes are like early in the morning

when we're doing this. Yeah. And then like later at night when normal people finish work. But I'm like having dinner and going to bed. Yeah, right. You're in your sexy jammies by then. As previously mentioned. You can't do Pilates in your jammies though.

You've got to pop out. Jammies, Pilates, yeah. Everything's slipping out. But the home, like I'm just imagining if I did Pilates in your jammies though. Your stuff pop out. Jammies, Pilates, yeah. Everything's slipping out. But the home, like I'm just imagining if I did Pilates at home, you'd have to move the couch or the coffee table. We'd put a big lounge, big floor area in the lounge. An instructor. But for three people to be on the ground.

No, but the instructor doesn't do it. They instruct you. They should be lead by example though. I need to look at them to see how to do it. They tell you what you're doing wrong. So all you need is two yoga mats. That's the space you need. Are you sure she's a Pilates instructor?

I'm pretty sure. She's just standing there saying, do that? Pretty sure. Because I've got to do it. I thought they did it. They have to do it. They have to do it. No.

But, yeah, it was fun. It was like an hour class. Got real sweaty. She said that we're both very flexible. Yeah. Sounds like. sweaty. She said they were both very flexible. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds like... Even Andrew can well and

truly touch his toes. Ha ha, Bourne. Was that your life? Was that a goal for 2019? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you said you got up to your freckle. I wanted to touch my toe. But I can still get the freckle. Okay, but did you get to the toe? I don't want to come to your home. No, I don't want to come to your freckle. I want to touch my toe. Yeah, I got to my freckle. But I can still get the freckle. Okay, but did you get to the toe? I don't want to come to your home.

No, I don't want to come to your freaky sex cult. It does sound like a cult. No, and she listens to the show too. Oh, well, it's not a, it's certainly not a freaky sex cult.

Hey, I like freaky sex cult listeners. They're very dedicated. She had multiple nightmares before coming to do this Pilates class that she broke my arm during the class

and you guys the next day absolutely roasted her for it. Well, we're roasting her now. She didn't even need to break anything to get her roasting. But okay, so they come to your house. How did this transpire? Did you yellow pages her?

No way. Yellow pages. Oh my God, you're so retro. No, she lives near me and we met at our local supermarket. Oh, and she's just like, I'll come along and do a private class. I met her again at a local cinema and we were like, what do you do for a job? She's like, I'm a Pilates instructor.

Wait a minute, what came first, the supermarket or the cinema? Supermarket. Supermarket. Then the cinema. You just said hello. Yeah. Then you see her again at the cinema. You're like, supermarket girl.

Then we had a bigger chat about the movie we just watched. What do you do for a job? Pilates. She does private Pilates. I was like, let's give this a go. She came around to our house and it was awesome. How much did she charge? I don't know yet because that was a free trial. Okay. And so,

right, so she could come over like once a week. Yeah, you guys can come join in. No, it sounds like you're trying to make me split the cost. Yeah, that's what I was trying to do. No, I'm not paying to come and flop about on your floor. I've got a good floor at home I'll flop about on. Yeah, I can flop around at home for free.

Yeah. Well, because my kids do kids yoga. They put it on YouTube and then they just do the yoga on the floor. That's pretty cool. Why don't you just fire up YouTube on the TV? When you're watching YouTube, you can't, she fire up YouTube on the TV? Because they've got Mary Windsor. When you're watching YouTube, you can't, she like pushes down on your back and stuff to stretch you out

and like tells you what you're doing wrong and balances out your hips and stuff. Yeah, that's true. Because there's never sort of like a tubby guy in the Mary Windsor clip. I could look at him and be like, he's me. But they're all pretty fit and it's not their first time. Yeah.

And I guess if you're doing it at home as well, if a little fart pops out, because, you know, that can happen. Yeah. Then it's fine because you're at home. Yeah. And you can do it whenever you want. So I won't be taking the piss out of thank you very much. Right.

So have you booked her in for another one? Yeah, I will. I haven't yet. Why do you want to come? No, no, no, no, no. I was just wondering if you'd... If we're going to go again. Yeah, because if you've got one for free, that makes me feel like...

You've got to book one. Because then don't you have to do it? Yeah. Yeah, and Mr. Andrew loved it too. He was totally into it. So we're going to do it again. Together. Couples working out together.

He doesn't think it's going to be like a menage a trois. He thinks I'm lining that up on the lounge floor. He's just in goal as he's tripping away at it. He's sure shanking it. He's going to make you think like it was your idea. Right. Friday Flashback. Flashback.

Flashback. It would normally be your turn, Gwen, for Friday Flashback. It would normally be your turn, Vaughan, for Friday Flashback, but today, because it is producer James' last show, we're giving him... The honour. The honour. Have you ever, in the three and a half years that you've been here, James, done this? I did a couple of years ago.

I've had one. Why? Why did we let you have that? I don't know. It might a couple of years ago. I've had one. Why? Why did we let you have that? I don't know. Am I doing it in a better way? Your birthday? Oh, yeah. Thank you, my birthday.

Okay, all right. That's the only reason I can think of. No, this was tough. And especially when it's only the second one of the year. Yeah, and we had a banger last week, didn't we? And people were on the fence. I loved it. Yeah.

But I haven't gone for a song that came out in 2010. Why? I thought because it was my last show, I'm going to be a little self-indulgent, which everyone would love to hear. And a song that I used to love and New Zealand probably loves from 2006. Oh, okay.

A band that if you... A band? A band that if you didn't see through a New Zealand summer, did you even have a New Zealand summer? Oh, okay. The song came out in 2006. It is peaked at number four

on the New Zealand charts. It is a band from Christchurch. I know what it is. Your hometown. I know what it is. The song is Shane Sh hometown. Hometown. I know what it is. The song is Shake Shifter, Electric Dream. One of my absolute favourites.

Oh, not bad. Not bad. Not bloody bad. All right, it's your Friday flashback on ZM. Even on the darkest day You shine even on the coldest night You won't be up to win today Even through the longest night You shine so bright. You shine so bright.

You shine so bright. You shine so bright You can be my guiding light Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Put your light on me So that I may see

Open up my eyes Help me clear my mind Shine your light on me Shine so I can see Be my guiding light Help me push on through the night Even on the darkest day You shine even on the coldest night

You hold me up to intensity Even through the longest night You shine so bright You shine so bright You shine so bright Right She shined so Right She shined so Right Help me push her through the night Yeah

She shined so Right You shine so bright You could be my guiding light Yeah Shapeshifter on ZM. It's producer James' pick for Friday Flashback. His pick because it is his last show. Great pick, James. I tell you, the text machine is going off.

Yeah. Is it? It is, actually. Yeah, I'm really surprised. Because I was like, people would be mean to come in and sass that too because it's James' pick and it's his last day. Yeah, it's his last day. Very true.

We should mention our listener of the show, Will, sent in a spreadsheet of 2019 Friday flashbacks and crowned Vaughn the champion of bangers. But this was from Will's own recollection of it. And he put beside each one. And so I looked into it happy to win, but I wanted to look into it more. I'm not taking a hollow victory. And

I saw that he declared Billy Ray Cyrus' Achy Brachy Heart a clanger. Oh, that was overwhelmingly I mean, it is a terrible song. That was overwhelmingly a banger. Yeah. Okay. But that was the one clanger he thought from my 13 picks. Right. So I don't want the victory.

I don't need a Vaughn fan doing this spreadsheet. I need an impartial. I need someone who hates this show and all three of us. I don't want the victory. I don't need a Vaughan fan doing this spreadsheet. I need an impartial. I need someone who hates this show and all three of us. I don't. I don't. Thank you, Will, for that. But yeah, great feedback for James today. Yeah.

Great New Zealander, somebody said. Banger. Yeah, you're a great New Zealander. Whoever's picked this was I love you. So that's producer James's pick there. Jamming out at the desk at work. Probably best that James leaves now after picking this dud. Very hard to leave down a bad choice.

Yeah, I saw that. Ouch. Ouch. But mostly good. Yeah, mostly good. Great stuff. We'll save our goodbyes for James till the last break of the show. Yeah. We're joined in the studio now by Sarah from the office,

from the ZM office. Morning, Sarah. Hello, good morning. Good morning. Sarah's on Bumble. Okay. And famously on Bumble, females have to start the conversation.

They have to make the first move. So... So you find that way better than Tinder where guys will just message you 400 messages? I reckon it's better if you've got like a banger of a line, but it might be kind of hard if you're kind of shy. Yeah, because I know a lot of people on Bumble just do like a wave. Yeah.

So then they've started it and then, and plus like how many people are you messaging? Lazy. Woman or lucky man don't care. Exactly. Because that's lazy. If a man did that, show on the other foot, it'd be looked at and frowned upon

just a wave. What if a guy messaged you on Tinder just a wave or hey? I'd honestly probably just ignore it because the only thing I can reply is with an emoji. And then when does it stop? You can probably have a back and forwards

of at least five emojis. Yeah. But then how's the conversation going to go? And then you're getting married and you've never talked. Yeah. They're like, do you take Sansa to be your wife? And he's like, well, thumbs up. So, and I guess pick up lines or like the opening lines,

famously more male spoken, aren't they? So now that women have to make the opening conversational point in Bumble. Yeah. Because what's happening in there? This is the first impression. Do you find, because you've used Tinder, right? Yeah. If you got like cheesy pickup lines from guys, would you just be cringe?

Yeah, totally. I'm out. So Sarah's very funny. Oh God. And you've come up with quite an opening line. Now, is this something you've used often in New Zealand? Nah, this one, I thought I'd just give it a whirl while I was overseas because I was too scared if anyone saw it.

I'm going to be the extra version of myself. But isn't that weird that overseas you don't care as much because in New Zealand, everyone knows everyone and you don't want your friends being like, oh my God, he sent me a message and it said this. Yeah. And you'd just die of embarrassment. Yeah, oh my God, he sent me a message and it said this. Yeah. Yeah. And you'd just die of embarrassment.

Yeah, that was my scared bit. Yeah. So, yeah, we're going to hear Sarah's opening line. And I want to know if you can beat this. If you think you've got a hell of an opening line on Bumble or a dating app of any kind. Okay. Okay, hit us. All right.

You are a bus driver. The bus starts out empty. At the first stop, four people get on. At the second stop, eight people get on and three get off. At the third stop, two people get off and four get on. What is the bus driver's number? That's a maths problem. We're all just like looking at each other like what do you mean phone number

yeah yeah so I've kind of figured that because it is a bit of clearly quite a tricky one um this is weird this is gonna wane out anyone that is really dumb I love it because the amount of people anyone that is really dumb.

I love it. Because the amount of people that have been like, oh, I think it's seven. Whereas if they just give you the phone number, they're not dumb. Yeah, they're like, oh, two, one, whatever. I'm like, there you go. James, you're shaking your head.

I'd say, what do you mean the number? I'd have further questions. Would you be put off if someone came back with further questions? The funniest one that I got was a guy was like, I don't care how many people on this bus as long as you're on it. Please, please, please. That's good. See, that's a good response. Yeah, it really opens it up for what you're looking for.

If you want someone dumb, you'll take the answer seven. Why would you be embarrassed to use that here? You should totally. Because if I saw someone out, they might be like, oh, God, there's that girl. There's that maths girl with a bus. There's that maths girl. There's that maths teacher. There's that primary school.

You do sound like a maths teacher. That primary school level maths teacher. She's a freak. Hey, but it starts the conversation. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. Then you would have liked the dummies. Wow.

Okay, so you want to ask what other people use, Megan, on dating apps. Yeah, the opening lines. Have you got one that really works for you? You think it's awesome. Let's be honest. People are copying and pasting these, aren't they? Yeah, I almost am sure that's probably been done before. I wouldn't claim it.

Do we want to hear from females this morning with their Bumble opening lines? Yeah. Or just any dating opening lines. Or if guys think they've got an awesome one that really works. They don't. Do guys have an awesome opening line that ever works on you that you think is copy and pasted? No, probably not. Oh, that was cute that you thought about it, though.

Yeah, I really want to make a good impression. All right, well, give, probably not. Oh, I think it's cute that you thought about it, though. Yeah, I really want to make a good impression. All right, well, give us a call. 0800-DARLES-ZM-9696. Can you beat Sarah's opening line on a dating app? Yeah, like, what's your go-to? Yeah. Oh, my God! Ariana Grande, ZM.

Oh, God. Fletch, water, Megan. I'm sending a holy spirit Spirit to cleanse my Catholic soul reading some of these filthy messages. 16 past eight. Sarah from The Office, she's just coming back in. She hit us with her Bumble pickup line. Because females have to start the conversation on Bumble,

if you're not familiar. And she's got quite a pickup line that involves bus. It was a complicated maths. It's a bit of public transport. It's a bit of maths. And in the end, just asking for their number, really. Yeah. So people are messaging in theirs,

and we thought, seeing as you are on Bumble, we could try some of these on you, Sarah, that are coming in. And guys and girls are sharing what works for them, surprisingly, on dating apps. How many of these can you read? Very few. This one, though, this is good.

Okay. Actually, that one, can we try to get that person on the phone, that longer one about three text messages down? Have you tried them? All right, well, while they try that. Oh, you'll try, okay. Harriet, good morning. Hello. All right, so, while they try that. You'll try, okay. Harriet, good morning. Hello.

All right, so what works for you? Have you ever gone outside into your garden, buried yourself up to your neck and pretended you're a carrot? Wait a minute, you say this to people. No, someone said it to me and it's the only one that actually ended up sparking up a conversation and resulting in a date. But that's how it all began.

Because you were like, okay, this is different. Like, it's weird. But at least it's different. Yeah. Very weird, but it made me answer and then we ended up chatting and yeah, so it worked. What did you answer? I can't remember. I think I said no.

It would be really claustrophobic and I wouldn't really enjoy that. I feel like that's quite a shutdown of the conversation. No, I said I'd rather be some sort of fruit that hangs from a tree and then you can be out in the open and it would be a bit nicer than being buried in the ground. Yeah, but then bees could land on you or birds could poke a hole in you. Well, if you're a piece of fruit, bees are actually vital to you. They need to land on you.

No, they do need to. Yeah, right. Well, birds could poke you. It'd be terrible. Make a big hole in you and then they wouldn't be able to sell you at the supermarket. No.

Someone might be able to use you for a stewed apple. Yeah, yeah. Very true. Thanks for your call. Harriet, Cherry? Cherry. Cherry, good morning.

Good morning Good morning Now this was your intro On Tinder This was the message I was talking about Just before And this worked for you Yeah it sure did

How well Well I'm married With two children now So there we go Wow Okay Maybe this is the line We need

Alright What is it Okay So my My intro, Saturday's listing. Don't miss this opportunity. First time on the market for serious investors. This is a fantastic girl in a sought-after career position. Low maintenance, cozy, and packed with interesting features.

Great indoor-outdoor flow with a stuck outlook. This is an entertainment dream. Inquiries welcomed. Like a house listing. What's indoor-outdoor flow, though? You know, I like indoor, outdoor. Freezing? Freezing.

I love it. You know, it worked, didn't it? Yeah. It sure did, yeah. Married two kids. Well done. Back in 2015. Wow. Okay, didn't it? Yeah. It sure did, yep. Married two kids. Well done. Back in 2015. Wow.

Okay, Cherry, thanks for calling. Yeah, you know, advertise yourself like a good house, not a bad car. Don't be like, a few dents. Rattles and bangs on the open road. Not a lot of tread left on the tyre. Whistles over 100 k's. Smells like rain all the time. Registration on hold.

Some text messages. What can you read, Vaughn? Okay, so this is one. Been to the surface of work on you, Sarah. Guys send a emoji dog. You know the dog emoji? And then leave it for a little bit. And then say, get back over here, you silly. What are you doing over here? Sorry about that. He's been running off a bit lately. Thanks for a little bit. And then say, get back over here, you silly.

What are you doing over here? Sorry about that. He's been running off a bit lately. Thanks for looking after him. I think that's cute. I think he likes you. Can I get your number in case he takes off to you again? Oh, okay.

It came around. It came around. So would that work on you? Megan, would that help lighten the sinker? Yeah. Or I'd be like, your dog can stay, but you can get out of here. Skedaddle. Yeah, I actually don't know if that would work.

I think it's very dependent on what the guy looked like. I mean, that's what it all boils down to, doesn't it? Yeah, right. So you're saying hot guys can get away with cheesier stuff? They can probably get away with anything. Yeah. That's life. Somebody else said, how long would we survive in Jurassic Park

before you did something stupid that got us both killed? And it worked. Ouch. And it worked. Brilliant. It worked really, really well. Okay, Matt, good morning. Do you want to try your line on Sarah?

Okay, good morning. Good morning. So I used, in Your Dream last night, what was it and how did I look? Yeah. And I'm married, so it worked pretty well. Oh, it worked. Oh, good.

Because what you didn't see is Sarah made a swipe and not the way you wanted. No, but Matt, you haven't seen the picture though, have you? That's the thing. You've got to see the picture. Matt, thank you for your call. More text messages? No?

There are text messages, but... We can't read them. It's very dirty. Is there none of those you can read? I'm so glad I don't have to deal with this stuff. I hate people. What about this STD one? What's that?

Oh, yeah. God, no, Megan, I don't want to encourage people into thinking this sort of thing. It's not. We're going to laugh and ridicule it. Okay. Okay, so imagine you get this message, Sarah.

I hear you're looking for a stud. Well, I've got the STD. All I need is you. He's literally telling you he's got an STD. But is he hot? Okay, so he's really hot, like 10 out of 10. He's still got an STD. Good answer.

Somebody said they always make it food related. If you had to choose, is it pizza or pasta? That's a bit boring though, isn't it? That's kind of a good one because a lot of people would just be like, oh, I have to tell them. I have to tell them it's pizza. Yeah, or neither I'm celiac. What a sad thing for someone with celiac to have to deal with.

They can't enjoy either of those things because they can't do wheat. Yeah. And then you're not going to go on a date because you're never getting pizza. As long as the pizza's a cauliflower base, you'll be like, oh, my God. And then you're not going to go on a date because you're never getting pizza. As long as the pizza's a cauliflower base, you'll be like, oh, my God. Fact of the Day. Day, day, of the day. In 2017, it was very dangerous for a period of time to be a bald man in Mozambique.

Oh, why? Well, a witch doctor, which is like, from what I can see, a very popular religion-based situation in Mozambique. Even in 2017. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, even now. Police are often issuing statements about things witch doctors say, saying, no, that's crazy. That's not a thing. That's not a good life to live.

Because a witch doctor said that bald men had gold in their skulls. And that's what made their hair fall out, the gold. Oh, no. So five men were killed, five bald men were killed after this witch doctor publicly spoke about the fact that they had gold in their heads. Wow. That is crazy. Yeah.

Like when we live in this world that's so advanced and with so much information at our fingertips. But no one tell my wife this because she might give it a crack. She's like, well, you know. I do need money to renovate the bathroom. Those minor renovations might have gone over budget a little bit. I'll see what is in old Chrome Dome's head. But yeah, the five people were killed. The police had to deal with it.

It was dealt with as a national issue. Right. That no, no, no, no, no. Bald men don't have gold in their head. Gold in their head. Ask the people that killed the five so far if they found any gold in their head and no, they hadn't.

That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. So they said at the time wig sales went up because men, bald men were buying wigs to try to disguise the fact they were bald, staying indoors or doing what the rest of the world does, wearing hats all the time. Yes. Yeah. Well, that's the serious wearing hats all the time.

I've been asked as a bald man, do you wear a hat because you don't want people to know you're bald? I said, well, it's pretty obvious. I don't think I'm tricking anybody, but the top of the head are very sensitive area for some. Yeah, and then you don't have to shave your head so much too. Yeah. Yeah. And have you banged your head? So knocking the top of your head when you've got hair hurts.

Yeah. Do it when you're bald. It hurts so much and it always cuts because it's so thin, the skin just straight on bone there. Feel sorry. How awful for you. It's been a tough couple of years for white bald men. Yeah, hasn't it? I'm so sorry.

Women want an equal pay. Bald men. Do we get equal hair? Of course. I'm just joking. We've had a pretty good run. We've had, look around you. There'll be one in your management team somewhere,

we've had a pretty good run. And we can grow sweet beards most of the time, so there's that trade-off. But today's fact of the day is in 2017, a witch doctor in Mozambique said bald men had gold in their head and five bald men were killed. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Yesterday, after the show, this is what I want to talk about. Megan did something very uncharacteristic yesterday, Vaughn.

Okay. After the show, I got a ride with Megan to her cafe. So I gave him a ride. That's not fair. That was lovely. Thank you. Yes. I was meeting my friend Luca Bina for a lunch

at Megan's Cafe and so it was great. We had lunch, coffee, Mr. Toyboy and Megan, we all chatted. Yeah. It was lovely,

it was cordial. Great service, eh? Great service. It was cordial. It was cordial. Is that what you say? It was cordial? Cordial.

Cordial. Cordial. Oh, cordial's a drink. Cordial's a drink in a cordial manner. Spelt the same? A cordial. Is it?

I don't know. I think it is spelt the same. It was raspberry cordial. It was cordial. But it's spelt the same. Are you sure it's not said cordial? It was cordial. Well, it was warm and friendly, strongly felt, or a sweet fruit-flavoured drink.

There we go. Well, it was all of those. It was great. I went to the bathroom. Oh, by. Well, it was all of those. It was great. I went to the bathroom. Oh, by the way, you are out of hand soap. Did you refill that? Are we? I forgot to tell you.

Why didn't you tell me at the time? Well, no, because I was flustered. So I get out of the bathroom and my friend's at the counter. You're at the counter and I get out my credit card to pay. And Megan says, don't worry about it. Don't worry about all of it. It was free. All of it.

Free. Now, for listeners of the show, you'll know that- Was it the old stuff? Had it been on the floor? Had it been on the floor? He had a meal too. It was a meal. There was a scone.

Scon? Scon. There was a scone, couple of coffees, and a meal. And the creamy mushrooms, which I'd always recommend at Beaufort & Co. Thank you. There you go.

And then she goes, and then she goes, nah, don't worry about it. And I'm just like, what is going on? Because people will know we've been jostling. In fact, just yesterday

we said we'd print our own discount vouchers. Yeah. You always go on about me giving you a free slice or a free coffee. A VIP card. And up till now, nothing.

We've had nothing. Right. Of any kind of friendship discount from your cafe. Yeah. What's wrong? Like, can you believe this? He didn't believe, so I had to show him the little screen

that said that his table had been all paid for. Because I thought she was doing that thing where she was like, I'll get it. And then you're like, no, I'll get it. And then you give it one more. No, are you sure? And she's like, yeah'll get it. And then you're like, no, I'll get it. And then you give it one more. No, are you sure? And she's like, yeah, and I'm out of here then. Okay, well, thank you. It's free. Thank you. Oh, thank you so much.

And I did, I said that. Right. But what's going on? Why are you so being so nice? Well, it's now a good time to tell you that I didn't give it to you for free. Luke, you're free with the mortgage paid for it. What? No, he didn't give it to you for free. Luke, you're free with the mortgage paid for it. What?

No, he didn't. He's just got a mortgage and he said, you can't tell because I'll get told off. So you didn't give me a free, but you... She knows. I was like, I wouldn't have thought free. I thought maybe you would have got a discount. Oh, no, I didn't want, no, I don't want handbags.

He's got a mortgage. Yeah. Why'd you let him pay? discount. Oh, no. I didn't want him. He's just got a mortgage. Yeah. Why'd you let him pay? I had the most food. Why didn't I? I couldn't go along with this lie and pretend that I gave you a discount. I knew you couldn't get me anything free at your cafe. I knew something was up.

You were either dying or something was wrong. No, and good on me for being honest because I could have gone along with that line, looked like the good person, but I didn't. Unacceptable. But now you've stripped him of his sugar daddy powers. That's why he's so upset. He's lost his sugar daddy powers. No, because I just thought, he can't pay for that.

Something's up. Okay, well, I'm glad we're at the bottom of this. That's unacceptable. Unacceptable. Sweetheart, we're friends, so I'm never glad we're at the bottom of that. That's unacceptable. Sweetheart, we're friends, so I'm never giving you 100% discount. I know, I was like, what is happening? Doesn't even like wipe the

GST or anything like that. No, not even the free coffee. Nah, it's not like, don't worry about the slice. Do you guys want a slice? It's on the house. None of that. None of that either. Which I understand, you know, you've got a business to run and bills to pay. But we are still one of your longest and best friends,

but don't worry about it. Yeah. Well, at least I was honest. Are you churned through friends? We've been here for a long time. No, I got you. You're a bitch. You're a bitch.

No. Ask them. Ask me once and you're gone. Ask me once and you're out. That's how I play it. We do it every day, baby. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM.

Three and a half years ago, producer James joined the show. James 2.0 replacing James 1.0. Yeah. It's like a software upgrade. It was. The computer took ages to restart and we thought it wasn't going to work because the spinning wheel was thinking for ages, but then it worked. And then it worked.

And then it worked and it worked well. Are you just going to call the next person James 3.9? Regardless of name. Regardless of name. Or gender. Or gender, yeah. It's James 3.9. Yeah.

Call them like Mountain Lion or Windows. No, Yosemite. Yosemite, that's what we're up to. Yeah. Okay. And today he leaves us to spread his wings, get a new job at Auckland Rugby, looking after communications or just social communications?

Yeah, communications. Communications. Are they going to start winning? I'm rallying everything. They are winning. It's the good Auckland team, not the Blues. Oh, okay. So you don't look after the Blues?

No. They're two different companies, yeah. Oh, okay. That's good. Yeah. So I got the good one, which is great. So you got the winning ones? Yeah. They're two different companies, yeah. Oh, okay. That's good. Yeah. So I got the good one, which is great. So you got the winning ones? Yeah.

You got the winning ones? Yeah. I was telling my daughters you were leaving last night. They wanted to know whereabouts is your new job? Whereabouts is your new work? I don't know if I want to... What, like the actual building? You want to disclose?

Yeah. Why do they need to know these details? I don't know why they wanted to know. Look, they can know. I just don't really want to say that on nationwide radio. Oh, right. Okay. I don't know.

But is it in Auckland Central? It is in Auckland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Auckland Central? Auckland Central nationwide radio. Oh, right, okay. I don't know. But is it in Auckland Central? It is in Auckland, yeah, yeah, yeah. Auckland Central? Auckland Central, yep, sure, yep. Okay, that's a great one. Oh, I'm going to be sure. Indy and Augustin rest at night now. I don't know why they wanted to know.

They just wanted to know how far, they started asking questions like, how long is it going to take them to get to work? Right. These are all great questions, actually. But lawns children, eh? Yeah, very inquisitive city planners of the future. But no, you've been a great addition to the show.

When we lost James 1.0, we were like, what are we going to do here? And then 2.0 came in and the upgrade had lost a little bit of the back talk and the sass, to be honest. That was good. He was getting a bit big for his boots. I remember when we did the interview with James and he came in and he was very quiet. And the only question I remember asking you was we were all like, are you racist? Because that's a deal breaker.

And then you're like, no, I'm not. Bad story to that, we said someone could probably get through job interviews and you wouldn't know they were a racist until you hired them. So then when everybody came in for interviews that round, we're like, now are you a racist? I want to know the person who's going in there saying, yes, I am.

Yeah, that's the thing too, yeah. Right. But no, you weren't. And you remain not racist. So congratulations. Congratulations. Thanks for that. Even with Fletch influencing you.

So very racist. Excuse me. Don't tarnish him. He's not. Don't tarnish him. He's not at all. Yeah. But you have kept a cool head, and that's what this show needs,

because old racist over here, he has a temper. He's not racist, but you'll agree he's got a temper, doesn't he? He gets a bit riled up. You can say that, James. Regardless of race, he gets very angry at people, and James has been that amazing cool head that's needed. Only if they don't do their job right and James always does his job right.

He's fantastic. James has to deal with the people that haven't done their jobs right. But they should do their jobs right. Yes. Yes. But somehow instead of you telling them that, you tell James that. He's in trouble. He's very cool.

I deal with it. Fletch just has a different way of sharing his feelings. Thank you. He's a different Jezebel to everyone else's. James is like a pure magic water distiller. Yeah. He takes in the angry, dirty water and passes off clean drinking water. Filtration system.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Filtration system. This is about James, not my anger problems. No, but I'm saying... Right. He deals with it. A very good... Okay.

Yeah, a very good character of James is that he deals with it all and silliness. I actually don't think I've ever seen you get angry or even flustered. It's just very cool There has been a few times. I don't want to bring it up but we did do a certain show

at Burger King in Christchurch once and I was quite flustered that day. Right. Oh, because nothing was working. Nothing worked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Fletcher's quite helpful

as I remember. Yeah, Fletcher's very helpful. Cool, calm, collected. Nice and calm. And the face of a technological mountain. It's hard when he's having a public mountain down. I was good after a couple of breakfast burgers. I had to take him to the BK playground and give him a toast.

I'd talk him down. I'd be like, look, I've brought you to this weird small slide that's fully enclosed and smells a little bit like wheeze to have a chat to you. Great. You need to calm down. But no, mate, you're going to do well regardless of what you do. We will miss you a lot because obviously we need someone exactly of your temperament

to fill the spot, which is going to be hard to find. Yes. But there is something we need before you go. We need one final big, deep go daddy. See, this is really strange because there's probably about 15 other people in this room behind me. And the

large physique of Ross Boss is standing right behind me, which makes me even more nervous. Intimidated as well. You've got to give the people what they want. But how this started was, this is usually an early morning treat. Yeah. But how this started was, we were talking about how weird it is that that website company's called GoDaddy because it's very

sexual sounding. Yeah, it was on the cricket billboards, wasn't it? Yes. During the World Cup. And then we tried to replicate it and we turned to James and he in his deep voice nailed it and ever since, every now and then we're just in that little GoDaddy pickup. I think at Friday Jams Live you had live requests for

GoDaddy's from people in the audience that would just stop you and say, do it. A girl made me whisper it in her ear at the after party. Is that harassment? I don't think we can do that in 2020. It's all right, because my girlfriend, Chanel, was standing next to me and I said, are you happy that I'm going to do this?

And she said, go for it. Does she get you to do it ever? No. No? No, she doesn't. Not there. All right, well, for your last show. And I'll just say first that I haven't loved my time on the show.

It's been great. You guys have been great friends to me for the last three and a half years. And I will miss coming in here. Well, not before I even wake up, so I'm not going to miss that. No. But I will miss coming in and laughing and chatting with friends and stuff in the morning. I'm sure we

will see each other in the future. I'm not just going to fully block you guys from all social media channels. Oh, you need us to. Because you never put anything online yeah true actually yeah

maybe I should do a post today for my last day I reckon a post today yeah we have to get a photo yeah okay great

okay but I put my location is that what you do say where you are just a couple of attention seeking hashtags on the end this is the guy

leaving to run a social media account for a sports organisation yeah look shit that Auckland rugby team's gone quiet online This is a guy leaving to run a social media account for a sports organisation. Yeah, shit, that Auckland rugby team's gone quiet online. I haven't brought anything up anymore. No, but everyone that I work with at ZM and also throughout the building as well,

I've had a great time in radio. And, you know, a lot of people who move out of radio, they'll sometimes move back. So I'm sure it won't be goodbye forever. Good man. Well, at least at your new job, you can probably go there every day and no one's going to sass you.

No one's going to rip into you. I mean, I live for that day. One day I'll get a job where I don't get to put up with the sass that we're sure of. Making about herself on your special day. Textbook sellers. What a narcissist. Pappas.

Oh, yeah, Pappas. All right, James, give us, am I right? Yeah. Piss off, Ford. All right, James, give us your last final Go Daddy. Go Daddy. Yes. Yes. James, give us your last final Go Daddy. Go Daddy. Go Daddy. Yes.

Yes. Yes.