ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - January 30 2020

Episode Date: January 29, 2020

Executive intern Anya goes to great lengths to hide her fast food packaging, Megan wants a jetski and Soundkeeper Gary gets a taste of his own medicine.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Hit music. Live the air. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. It's four past six. Megan was coughing. I just had a wee cough and I'm over it. I actually just, I was looking up the symptoms because I actually don't know what the symptoms are of coronavirus. It's like a flu, isn't it? It's a respiratory, yeah. So if you're coughing, you have a sore throat and sometimes a fever. So yeah, it does just seem like a bit of a cold flu.

Yeah. So yeah, anyone around you that coughs now, everyone's going to be like, oh, no, sorry. Put her in isolation. Yeah. Do you see a Hamilton bars waded into some trouble? Yeah.

Offering cheap Coronas? What was it? Cheap Coronas for as long as? So they put an ad up on social media, and there's a couple of guys in hazmat suits with masks, and they're cheersing a Corona. And the ad says, catch some Corona

at house this summer. $6.50 every day while the pandemic lasts. Oh, that's a bit tasteless. Well, you people are calling them out because, you know, 100 people died. That's why you put lime in it. Eh?

Tasteless. That's a yuck beer. Oh, you're not a fan of Corona? No, it's yuck. I'm not a fan of any beer. It's yuck. Hey, Fletch. Ciders. Ciders.

Ciders for girls. And long whites for the girls. Yeah. Hey, long whites can be for boys or girls. I know that. It's not a gender specific drink. I think everyone loves doing a Vortec-y with a long white. Sure.

Spinning. Back she goes. Coming up on the show, the top six. Yeah, a Harry Potter-themed bar is a... Mr. Potter. The top six cocktails avail at the Harry Potter-themed bar. So this is opening? Yeah, bar. So this is the opening? Yeah, today.

Like this week in Auckland? Today, the 30th. Are you excited? Yeah, that's me. I'm definitely going. That'll actually get you to a bar. Not for long. One drink and you'll be out, right?

Yeah, but this is fun. There's people here and they're being loud. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Story time, three news headlines, quirky, unusual, odd news stories that I've found. Three headlines in Vaughan and Megan deliberate and pick one only.

Headline one, man in bike shorts arrested at Sum 41 concert. Headline two, mum not impressed at Kendi's new whiteboard. And headline three, Veteran shock of a lifetime on Antiques Roadshow. Ah. Those are the headlines. Story three. He had something worth a lot, didn't he?

His watch. Yeah. Did he buy it for 500 bucks in the 70s? Was that the deal? And then it went. It was a Rolex. Yeah. It was worth heaps.

A lot of money. Nearly a million New Zealand, I think. Nearly a million dollars. 700,000 US. My friend Auburn's on the series of Antex Roger. Is he? What? Is he the one Megan's got a crush on?

Yeah, which is really unusual for her. It's not her usual. Yeah. I just said once that he was kind of like you. He. No. His granddad received. Morse code.

Ticker tape. Morse code. Oh yeah. That Hitler was surrendering. Oh, okay. At the end of World War II. And he sellotaped it to the back of a. He showed someone and they were like, cool. We'll pass it up the command. And then he sellotaped it to the back of a, he showed someone and they were like,

cool, we'll pass it up the command. And then he sellotaped it to the back of a postcard. Oh yeah. Okay. And it just went into the family collection of things. And he went along to show Antiques Roadshow. Antiques Roadshow. So how's he got this now?

Was he left it? No, his dad, it was his dad's dad, I believe. And his dad's in possession of it. And the plan was always to give it to like a museum or whatever. But they just went along to see what that sort of thing would be worth. And what was it? Spoiler alert. He won't tell us.

What? He won't tell us. Wait for the episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so we're every now and then, well, when's this episode? When's it happening? When's it going to happen? Yeah.

And he said it's early this year. What if he doesn't even make the cut? No, they said he will make the cut. Because he said it's pretty intense. Yeah, right. But you go along and you line up for hours and someone comes along and gets the story behind it and basically they're after a good story

to make the TV show. That'll make the show that story. Yeah, and then obviously from that, it will either be not worth something or worth something, which is the other thing they kind of make a judgment on in the lines, he thought. Right.

But then they went to an area, so they got talked to in the line, and then they went to a tent, and they got, like, made up. Oh, yeah. Got makeup and everything. But he said it was a stinking hot day in England, waiting around.

You just sweat it all off. Yeah. Yeah, and then you chat to the... I feel like if it had been worth heaps, he would have told you in the group chat. Nah, I don't know. I'm not saying it's worth like hundreds of thousands of pounds or anything, but pretty cool. Yeah.

We need to play this when he gets on. Yeah. Because I'm invested. I need to know. Yeah, well, I will let you know when I know. Yeah, that sounds great. Oh, really? Yeah.

Okay. Well, you don't want that story then? I don't want that story. Do you want man in bike shorts arrested at Sum 41 concert? Yes. Or mum not impressed at kindy's new whiteboard?

No, you got a whiteboard. We were actually off air yesterday talking about the fact that Sum 41, who, did Anya know who Sum 41? No.

I don't believe she did. But she knew the song. She thought it was the Rasmus. Remember she started singing the Rasmus in the shadows. In the shadows You've heard Sum 41 though aren't you In Too Deep right is their famous

Can you sing it Do you want better I'll just play it I was enjoying Megan's rendition You know this song, right? Probably from like a 90s movie maybe or an early 2000s. But I wouldn't know the name or the song. Yeah, right. Okay.

Well, anyway, they're coming with The Offspring. And we were literally just talking about this yesterday saying that could either go one of two ways. It'll either be wonderfully nostalgic. Do you know The Offspring? Do you know The Offspring? Pretty fly for a white guy. Yeah, could you do me another little ditty please?

Give it to me, baby. Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that one. I still wish Erasmus was coming though. To be totally honest, that's the R strings. Probably their worst song. That's true. Are you saying I should check out the B sides?

How did he not know this song? Was he married to Avril Lavigne? Married. She's obviously. The nipple back guy. Pre-Chad Kroger. Yeah, pre-Chad. Wow.

Pre-Chad. Well, anyway, we go now overseas. Which one are we doing? I thought you wanted the bike shorts. No, I wanted whiteboard. We're torn. It's a split. Oh, well, I've launched into the bike shorts.

Okay, no, we'll do the bike shorts. I'm going to do the whiteboard. Dutch police got to the bottom of a mobile phone theft ring that was happening at the Sum 41 concert. Who would have thought? Watch your phones if they come. Because somebody, a 34-year-old man, was part of a roving... You've got Storytime beer going and Sum 41.

I think you've got to pick one of the two. Well, which one do you want? Sum 41. Yeah. Thank you. Okay, good. There we go. Two of the DJ mics.

A 34-year-old man believed to be part of a mobile phone theft ring was arrested wearing bike shorts. And down those bike shorts, 20 mobile phones. 30 mobile phones. What? Everyone knows if you're going to steal phones, you need to be wearing cargo shorts with all their pockets. Not bike shorts with their lack of bagginess.

They've got a picture of the... Dutch police put up a picture of the bike shorts well padded in the areas yeah but I mean they're tight but I don't know if you get 30 phones

down there no was it something sexual he was stopped after some 41 fans alerted police and then blocked the exits

after some of them had noticed their phones had gone missing did they give him a fat lip see what you did there yep that's another one of their songs for anybody else to see if phones had gone missing. Did they give him a fat lip?

See what you did there? Yeah. That's another one of their songs for anybody else who's... Apparently they managed to nick away with 50 phones all up. Wow. So it didn't catch some of the other gang. But you wouldn't... I mean, if you're wearing coats and jackets, maybe you'd leave them in pockets.

Also, I thought stealing phones was just a waste of time these days. For parts, I think. For smartphones. Maybe for parts. Oh, right. But then even then, you're not going to get as much as selling a brand new iPhone, are you? Interesting. Anyway.

Are you looking up the whiteboard thing? Yeah, I tried. I couldn't find it. Good. Good. I didn't try too hard. That was a great story, too. It was even better than that one

Well why didn't you say When we were 50-50 Be like D'oh the whiteboard's better I'm impartial For the sake of The radio broadcast I'm impartial

He's like the queen When it comes to politics He's impartial You don't know who I'm voting for He'll support whomever Yeah But I'm really old To pretty vote for the

Conservatives The Conservatives, sure. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Barbie is creating their most diverse range yet. They have been doing pretty well in the past few years, like creating dolls with different body shapes, but now they are adding a broader range of hairstyles, skin tones and body types.

And also, they have a hairless Barbie and a vitiligo Barbie. A bald Barbie? Bald Barbie. Viligo, is that where your skin has different tones at different parts of your body? Yeah, like the pigment changes. Causes loss of skin colour, yeah. Yeah. Do your girls have Barbies?

Yes, they do. August loves Barbies. Really? Our youngest loves Barbies. Right. She's naughty. They get taken off her and put up the top of our cupboard just to earn them back.

But who's looking after Barbie when Barbie's in time? Also, why are you putting Barbie in timeout? She's done nothing wrong. No, but it's her timeout? Also, why are you putting Barbie in timeout? She's done nothing wrong. No, but it's her timeout that punishes August. Right, okay. Yeah. But do you pop up to see that Barbie's okay while she's in timeout? She needs up there in her camper van.

You put her up there in her camper van. Right, okay. She has a little holiday up there. She's fine. But yeah, just before Christmas, the girls got sent some new Barbies, different body shapes, different careers. Oh, yeah. Okay.

What are the careers now? One was traveller. It's not a career. That's a hobby. It's an Instagrammer. Like an Instagrammer. You're like a travel influencer. Okay.

And I know there was astronaut Barbies. That's cool. Yeah. Farmer Barbie. There was vet Barbie. They got a vet Barbie. Oh, yeah. Okay.

A little while back. Yeah. No, there. There was vet Barbie. They got a vet Barbie. Oh, yeah. Okay. A little while back. Yeah. No, there's a whole range. I remember when we were in Thailand, so that was the start of last year, the department store just had the largest range of Barbies I've ever seen in my life. Yeah.

And they had such a variety of everything. Were they official Barbies? Yeah, yeah, no, they were official. They were expensive. Oh, okay, right. That's how you know something's official in Thailand. Yeah, you're offended in Thailand when something's expensive. These are Western prices.

So what else have they... Well, they did Vitiligo. They put up a prototype on their Instagram. It was their most liked post of last year. Winnie Harlow's the model who's got vitiligo. That's right. Yeah. But there is now 176 dolls,

9 different body types, 35 different skin tones and 94 different hairstyles. Not to mention like prosthetic legs, wheelchairs, just to be more inclusive and to reflect what girls are seeing out in the world today, they said. Is there a meth Barbie yet?

I mean, not yet, but... Our original Barbie had a bit of a meth-y. A couple of our Barbies have been chewed on by the dogs, so they certainly had a sort of a meth-y appearance. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. The study's been done in New Zealand. This isn't going to surprise anyone. Our homes are too hot and also too cold. Too hot in summer.

Too cold in winter. That's me. It's pretty much everywhere I've lived. And then it's too expensive to put on like a heat pump or a heater or whatever. So the study found that a third of New Zealand homes are too cold in winter and are too warm in summer. Do you have a degrees that constitutes too cold? I do. So Statistics New Zealand did are too cold in winter and are too warm in summer. Do you have a degrees that constitutes too cold? I do. So Statistics New Zealand did this study, got out the thermometers.

They measured the temperatures four times over a year in thousands of New Zealand homes. They did this in 2018, and they've only just revealed. Why does it take statistics so long to, you know when the census comes out, they're always faffing about for two years or whatever. Because they have to count it all up. They have to compile a lot of data. I understand the census takes a lot of compiling. Yeah, but what are

they doing in those, what have they been doing since 2018 when they did this? Writing a press release. Exactly. Yeah, okay. A lot of feet up on the desk maybe. I don't know, bring it out and end it 2018. Exactly. Yeah, okay. A lot of feet up on the desk, maybe. Oh, shit. I don't know.

Bring it out and end it 2018. We're just working on it. You know what it's like to run a statistics department, do you? Speaking from your vast experience of getting your statistics done almost immediately. Absolutely. No experience. Although graphs are hard. Have you ever had to do a graph?

They take a while. I love, I love a graph. Because you've got to choose different colours. And there are some cute little graphs with this study. So maybe they take a year to do a graph? They take a while. I love a graph. And there are some cute little graphs with this study, so maybe they take a year to do. I don't know. Now you can select and excel. I've seen my wife do it.

Had no interest in learning how to do it myself. Because I prefer to remain steady in the camp that excels magic. She highlighted some stuff and then clicked a button called graph, picked the type of graph she want and voila. Made a graph straight away. So they don't need a whole year to make a graph.

Interesting. Well, no, now that you put it that way, why aren't they just clicking a button? So this study was the largest scale temperature measurement carried out in New Zealand. So the World Health Organization, they recommend that indoor temperatures should be at least 18 degrees, but ideally 21. Because if you ever go to Europe or overseas and you go in houses, they've all got coat rooms, right? Because you come in from the snowy outside and you've got to have a place to put your coat. Because there's absolutely no need for it inside.

There's no need for it inside. And a lot of them don't have a lot of heating. Well, they do, but they don't need them a lot of the time because it's just warm inside because their houses are like well insulated. So apparently the temperatures found that inside homes across the average temperature was 21.4 degrees. In summer, the average was 23.9 and winter 19. My house is not 19 in winter.

But just bear in mind, yeah, bear in mind that a third of those houses were under 18 degrees. My house... In winter. I've lived in a flat. Oh, yeah. Walls were like hessian.

It was like this old house. It was always colder inside than it was outside. So it would have been well below 18. Sometimes it is, yeah. It says in the study, for people living in homes where the recorded temperature was lower than 16 degrees,

45% said they could see their breath inside during winter. I thought that was just standard for everyone in New Zealand. I know, same, right? And 36% rated their house as always or often cold. Yep.

I don't mind it being cold because you can put clothes on, but I've found like, this summer's been so hot and you can't, I mean, you'd turn a fan on, but it's like blowing hot air. You've got a heat pump, but you...

Do you know, I cranked the heat pump. That's how hot I was the other day and it took forever to cool the house down. What setting do you have it on? I don't know. Because it's got to be on a different setting than the winter setting. It was cold.

Yeah, but you know on the air con machine. Very confusing, Graham. The remote is the sun. Making it hot or to do it properly when it's hot? Because what's the, or the ice, the icicle. The ice, so. Is that to make it cold or do you want it cold? No, on our one, the icicle makes it cold.

Ah, okay. That's how I've always thought it was. It makes you colder. Yeah. Because, yeah, we icicle makes it cold. Ah, okay. That's how I've always thought it was. It makes you colder. Yeah. Because, yeah, we've got a central unit, and I've got away all summer with not turning it on. I didn't tell Sade that it's got a cooling setting. Because she'll just run it all the time.

Yeah. Do you know what I've started doing at night is getting a cold face cloth, and I put it on my forehead or my chest because it like cools you down. And then you wake up and you've got a flannel in your bed. No, you wake up and it's gone somewhere. You think your piss just went. The flannel's worked its way down and squeezed itself all over the sheets. There is a new fancy mall in Auckland, the Newmarket Mall, and it has an app that comes with it.

So the Westfield Plus app, that's what it's called, right? Do any of the other Westfields around the country do this? I don't know, because I was just thinking, I go there because you can get two hours of free parking, but then I just realised most malls have free parking. But it's like, actually, they've got me haven't they Yeah they have I never thought about that

Because for those that haven't been or don't know Maybe you live out of Auckland You download the app You put in your licence plate You drive in and the cameras just They take a photo They take a photo They record your licence plate

At the time The barrier arm opens You drive in And then at the end you just drive up And it opens and you leave. Because you've put your payment details into the app too. You've loaded your credit card in. So if you're more than two hours, it'll charge you.

Just automatically charge you. That's another story because if you go over the two hours, you need to stay under the two hours. Just start getting expensive. Yes. I can say personally, absolutely no need to be at a mall for longer than two hours. But if you go to this mall, you often hear people being like, oh, there's 10 minutes left on parking because everyone's very aware.

It's not going to be good when movies start playing there. No, you're a four hours allocation for movies. Okay. Yeah. But there is. Probably be cheaper just on your way out just to buy a movie ticket. If you do go over your two hours. I can't pick a stub up.

Yeah. So there's T's and C's which come up and you're like, yeah, except because no one reads those. Well, yeah, because you're in the car park or you're going to the mall. You're just like, quick. Yes. Yeah. And like it's pages long. But someone must have read the T's and C's or looked into it because now a few people

are upset about the fact that it can track you. So it obviously needs to track you so that it knows when you're going in and going out. But it can also track you in the mall and where you're going. And this is what people are upset about. Yeah, it's got a location

tracker on it. Now they say at this point they don't follow what stores you go into and anything like that. But they do have the rights to do so. That's what you accept when you download the app. Because that would be valuable

information for a place like a mall because then they could charge more for those little sock islands in prime positions. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or stores that get the most foot traffic going past. Yeah, they'd know all the places that are busy. Yeah.

But then I don't, would that bother you? I don't really care if they know what store I'm going to because if they see me on the way out, I've got the bags from those stores anyway. What if you park there but then leave straight away and go to other shops around? Are they going to know that you... You're cheating on them? That you left the area and went to other shops

and just used them for their free parking? I mean, maybe. Yeah. And then you go leave. What is to stop people doing that? And they're like, uh-uh, you went to that other street. You cheated on us. We're charging you. Yeah. There was also concern that they're selling your details,

but they apparently do not sell their details to third parties and they're not even allowed to do so. Right. I mean, we sign over how whatever else with all the other apps on our phones. Like way worse, like Facebook and, you know, other apps that are actually selling our info. So I've, because I never read the T's and C's. Look at this.

So I went to the information. This is the FAQs. Yeah. Look. Oh, yeah. You're scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. I think I read a few of them and then I was like, meh. I'm bored.

Hide all your evil stuff at the bottom. No one ever gets there. Or bullet point it. Be like, this is what we're going to do. Quick, quick, quick. I don't have a problem with them knowing I went into wherever. Bras and things. Get something a little saucy for the weekend.

If they want to know that, that's fine with me. Sure. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Well, news just to hand that it's been delayed. The Wizards Cauldron was supposed to originally start open at the start of January, described as a summer pop-up. This is a Harry Potter themed bar. It was delayed till today, Thursday the 30th of January,

but is apparently last minute being delayed again and won't be opening until at least mid-March. So there goes your summer pop-up. That's going to be an autumn pop-up. How do they say, oh, we're opening on the 30th of January and then yesterday say, oh, no, mid-March? Like, there must have been staff and everything that

thought they were going to start getting paid today. Well, this is a real snag. We've had a snag. We've had a snag. We did a whole Top 6 on it. Well, it was called the top six cocktails available at the Harry Potter themed bar but I'm just going to

change it to the top six cocktails that might be available at the Harry Potter themed bar in two weeks maybe at some stage.

Okay, great. Easy. Well, we've adjusted on the fly. We are like good broadcasters. Well, we're very versatile. Yeah. Today's top six brought to the fly. We are. Like good broadcasters. Well, we're very versatile. Yeah.

Today's top six bought to you by Versatile Garage. Okay. Because we too are versatile and I really want a new garage. So branch out. I don't know if you just talking about it is. You were a spokesperson for a garage. Now that was Garador. Now Garadors can work with versatile garages

because they just do the door and the engine of the door. Right. Did they dump you? That's a happy... Have they got rid of you as voiceover guy? I don't know. Right. I haven't seen...

I haven't been replaced. Maybe they're just not doing any advertisements. Because how would that feel if you, like, were the spokesman for something and then all of a sudden you turn the TV on and they've replaced you and they haven't told you? Yeah, and it's like, get a garage door. It's like, instead of, get a garage door. Hey, I sold some doors.

Did you? Do you know the stats? I said no. Absolutely no idea. The top six cocktails that might be available at a Harry Potter-themed bar at some stage brought to you by Versatile Garages who have just supplied me with a brand new garage. Number six, the Gingardium Leviosa.

Oh, okay. Gin and soda. Gin and soda. But also playing on Wingardium Leviosa. Gingardium Leviosa. Are you sure they haven't got these already? That seems like a sitter. That's a sitter.

I should be on the pun cocktail name board because here's number five on the list of the top six cocktails that might be available at the Harry Potter themed bar at some stage if it ever opens. The Asga Banana Daiquiri. Oh, yeah. Okay, good. Asgaban was the prison.

Oh, yeah. No, I know. I just didn't get the... Asga Banana Daiquiri. We got it. Yeah. Not everyone loves a banana daiquiri, but it was what I could make. So shout out.

Number four on the list of the top six cocktails that might be available at the Harry Potter themed bar at some stage, the golden snitch chartreuse and champagne. Do you know, I was like, what goes with chartreuse? Because yuck, chartreuse. Oh, it's disgusting. Yeah, horrible. Vomit makes me want to have a little chuck up. Is it 80reuse. Oh, it's disgusting. Yeah, horrible. Vomit.

Makes me want to have a little chuck up. Is it 80% alcohol? You mix it with champagne. Apparently the queen loves it. Chartreuse. The queen is OTP. That's how she's lived so long. She's pickled, man.

She's preserved herself perfectly. She's not gone overboard as to get psoriasis of the liver. Yeah. She's just balanced her alcoholism very well. Good. Number three on the list of the cocktails that might be available at the Harry Potter themed bar, if it ever opens, is a McGryffindory Sours.

A McGryffindory Sours. Yeah, good. It's a Midori Sours, but Gryffindor in there as well. Oh, come on. Come on. I didn't know there was a Midori Sours. Didn't you? No. Oh, it's a must try. Mid there was a Midori Sours. Didn't you? No.

Oh, it's a must try. Midori. Midori's not my go-to though. Some lime. I can't drink Midori because I spewed green all over my friend's parents' carpet. My parents keep, every time my parents go through Judy Friend, they get me a bottle of

whiskey and they get Sade a bottle of Midori because they're of the impression that she likes it. You need to tell them. You can get something better. I want four bottles of Maduri. Just be like, oh, I've got a new favourite. Yeah, I need to tell her that.

Yeah, they've got a new favourite. Karl Lohan. Sade. She's loving something called absinthe at the moment. Mum, I don't know what it is. Number two on the list of the top six cocktails that might be available at the Harry Potter... The Sirius Black Russians.

Oh, yeah, good. Oh, Black Russians are like my fave. And, of course, Sirius Black, a man who went too soon. And the number one on the list of the top six cocktails that might be available at the Harry Potter theme bar at some stage if it ever opens, an espresso Negrini. Nagini.

The big snake thing. Remember the big snake? Yeah. So it's an espresso martini, but nagini in there. Yeah, right. Or this Patron. Hello, Patron. Patronus.

Yeah. Oh, that was a sitter. Where were you? Where were you? Literally, this top six took me the longest of any top six and took a lot of research. Such a Slytherin thing to do. Such a Slytherin thing to do. Son of a bitch.

Today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Turns out we have been storing our milk wrong. Well, actually, no, I don't want to jump to assumptions. Where do you guys keep your milk? In the fridge. In the fridge, yeah. Specifically.

Oh, where in the fridge? Yes. And when you open the fridge, in the door. Yeah, but see, I don't use a lot of, the only thing I have milk for is maybe a coffee and hardly ever have coffee during the week because I have like three at work. So by the time I get home, I don't need milk.

So will you get a bit of milk? No, I have that long life stuff. So if I have a coffee, I have to slum it. You have UHT. Yeah. No, I get that. Buy a little Tetra. When I lived by myself, I used to do that too.

Buy a little Tetra. A little Tetra pack. No, because I don't. It goes off, so it's wasteful. No, well, buy one on Friday. He's talking about the ones, like those little ones. No, so it's wasteful. No, we'll buy one on Friday. He's talking about the ones, like those little ones. No, because it's wasteful. So much packaging.

Yeah, that's true. But it's cardboard, isn't it? Yeah, but I don't mind the long life milk, because it's literally, you're putting like a couple of centimetres in a cup for coffee. It's fine. I'll just slum it and have gross milk. Why don't you just buy milk powder? No, that's what I used to do when I lived alone too.

You'd buy UHT. Because I don't have cereal at home. Like, I just don't gross milk. And have gross milk powder. No, that's what I used to do when I lived alone too. You'd buy UHT. Because I don't have cereal at home. Like I just don't use milk. So it's pointless. Why don't you try an alternative milk for your coffee? No, because it curdles and it goes all yuck. No, it doesn't. It does.

It does. It does. He's right, it does. It does. I own a cafe with alternative milks. It doesn't curdle. If you make an instant coffee, it gets all curdled. It goes all blah's right, it does. It does. It does. I own a cafe with alternative milks. It does a turtle. If you make an instant coffee, it gets all clunky. It goes all blah, blah, blah.

I don't like it. I've got no time for it. You put the milk in with the coffee granules of an instant coffee, and you give it a stir, and then when you add the hot, the milk just shits itself. What milk are you? It's like, assemble! Milk, assemble!

And it goes... And turns into a little slimy, blobby creature. And then if you leave it on the bench for 30 seconds, you come back. You've got some bloody Jackson Pollock art going on. And in all last ages, there's one specifically made to be put in hot drinks. No, there's not. I can give up on you too, honestly. Where did I get it? No, there's not. I give up on you too. There really isn't. What did I get at?

No, it's yuck. Because you tried something once, it didn't work. No, I've tried multiple times. I've tried multiple times. You're using the wrong thing. I'm like, love, do you want a coffee? You do not say that.

No, I said, mate, you want a coffee? And she says, yeah, I'll try that bloody soybean coconut nut milk. I'm like, oh, God, here we go. I'm like, you know what it's going to do? It does, it does every time. I'll stir it just before I drink it. I'll be like, your funeral.

That's what I always say when someone's about to make a poor decision. Your funeral. Well, so you said you keep your milk in the door, the fridge door. Everyone does, right? Everyone does. I just made the assumption. It's what the shelf in the door is made for. Yeah.

You can't lie it down. And if you're going to stack your shelves so that they're tall enough to have a milk standing up, you've wasted a lot of shelf space. Sometimes you'd have to lie it down because the fridge is packed. But then no matter how hard you put the lid on, it always dribbles. It's a dribbly lid. It's a door thing. You know, speaking of the dribbly lid of the milk bottle,

all the toys they could want, my children, at the weekend they turned an old milk bottle into a doll. They drew a face on it. Bella the Milk Bottle was its name. Bella the Baby Milk Bottle. This is like Toy Story with Forky. Yeah. They drew a face on it and everything,

and it was filled with water. I said, why does it need to be filled with water? And they said, so it weighs what a baby weighs. So it doesn't blow away. I was like, I can kind of understand that. I said, just please be careful. And then I hear, ah, Bella! And I'm like, oh, God, what's happened?

And he's like, there's been a terrible accident. Bella's fallen off the desk. I'm like, well, you never leave a baby on a table on a desk. Bella's fallen off the desk, I'm like, well, you never leave a baby on a tent or on a desk. Bella's fallen off the desk and her head's come open. And that was at a hit. Her blue top head. The blue top head popped off. And Bella had boog-boog-goo over the carpet.

The new carpet. The new carpet. Oh, God. Okay. With the thick underlay. So it's thick and it stays a little bit wetter than the books because of its thickness. But yeah, that was Bella got put in the bin.

Right. Well, where should we be putting the milk if it's not in the door? In the actual main part of the fridge, because if you put it in the door, it's going to go off quicker because you're constantly opening it. Oh, not Fletch. He's got long life milk. You could leave it in the sun. It would be fine. I can leave mine on the bench. And you've got bloodych. He's got long life milk. You could leave it in the sun. It would be fine.

I can leave mine on the beach. And you've got bloody milk made for heat or whatever that is you've got at the cafe there. You'll be fine. But, no. No. You're not buying this. Because the door and the temperature of the door

is a lot warmer than the rest of the fridge, so your milk's going to spoil quicker. Absolutely minimally. It's our fault for always opening the fridge, wondering if someone's put food in there. The biscuits are magically kept in there. We're doing this to ourselves. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

We are joined in studio now by journalist, podcaster and author, Frances Cook. Good morning. Good morning. Lovely to be here. I've seen your book in the airport. Oh. That's the only place I assume people buy a hard book anymore. Well, if you would like to buy it, you are always welcome wherever you happen

to be, but airports are great. Tales from a Financial Hot Mess. Yes. Now this is about your financial situation of the past. It is. It's also, it's a 101 of how everyone can be better with money. But I figured there's a bunch of books out there and they're super dry, to be quite frank. So I thought, well, what makes people interested in money? Hearing about all the ways the rest of us mess it up. And I thought, I can't ask someone else to do it. I'll do it. Here's all the ways I mess it up. Don't do that. Right. And what's amazing is that this year, you're not

buying what exactly? I have decided that this year to make sure I don't go backwards and become a hot mess again, I am only buying second hand clothes all year. And I must say, as this started out, I just put like a picture on my Instagram and was like, here's a fun thing

only second hand clothes 2020 and then people like yourselves said come on the radio and talk about it. It's because they want to taunt me. The reason you're here is because we want to give this as a lesson to Megan really. Is this an intervention?

Yeah. No, because I was going to say I see your hot mess and I raise you this hot mess. Because you don't seem like someone who would have struggled with money or like, you know, been frivolous with money. Oh, extremely frivolous with money. And I must say, you do put the hot in hot mess. So at least there's that.

Thanks. I'll always suck up for our time. What was your rock bottom? Because you know how people who say they have that moment of clarity, they're a financial rock bottom. Yeah, well, I was very lucky in a way that I was always quite scared of money. So I avoided debt because I knew that I couldn't be trusted with it. So I never got into like $100,000 of debt or something like that. Right.

But I did have a moment where I was offered a job and then I decided not to take it. And I heard about the person who did take it, it disappeared from under them. And I was just like, if that had happened to me, I have maybe two weeks I can survive without an income coming in. And frankly, we all work in the media. But also, all jobs these days aren't that. You can't really rely on them. Everything's changing. And I just thought, this is an entirely ridiculous situation that if I did, for whatever reason, lose my job,

got sick, got fired, said something silly on air, I would drag my husband down with me. I would lose everything. It would be terrible when it's really avoidable, actually. Because so many of us are living paycheck to paycheck, aren't we? So, I mean, we're only a month in. Have you needed to buy clothes? I have. Well, I haven't needed to buy clothes. Does one ever need, really? I have wanted to buy many clothes. But actually

so far I've found the secondhand thing super easy. So I already did quite a bit of op shopping. So I have my favourites. Sally Army is great for basics. Get out of Auckland Central and hit anywhere else that you can because that's where you get

amazing silk dresses for $10. It's incredible. There's designer recycle if you really want to be fancy, but you don't really need that. And there's also Trade Me for things that are being sold that are brand new, you know, like things like shoes. To be fair, I used to buy a lot of stuff on Trade Me,

like a lot of clothes. That's when I was like starting out in radio, I used to buy all my clothes on Trade Me. But it's like, it's just a lot of work because then you have to go and pick it up and talk to someone. And the pictures online don't really get across the smell.

Hot wash. Hot wash. Hot wash. Yeah. Okay. Did you have a lot of clothing that you'd only worn once? Because this is Megan's problem. She has stuff with tags still on them in the wardrobe.

Yeah, but the intention's there. You've got to wear them. Put it on Trade Me. I'll buy it off you. That's not even Megan intention's there. You've got to wear them. Put it on trade me. I'll buy it off you. That's not even Megan's biggest sin. She's saving for a house. She wants to buy a jet ski. Oh, excuse me.

She wants to buy a jet ski. Tell her off. Tell her off, Frances. Tell her off. Well, actually, my biggest rule for budgeting is if you need it and if it makes you truly happy. I would be so happy I feel like a jet ski makes you happy.

This is not going how I expected. This is not. I feel like this is an intervention. Stop telling her all my dirty, dark secrets. Now, most of your work

or all your work is based in Auckland but you live in Hamilton. I do, yes. City of the future. Right. So two days a week I'm in Auckland

and I have a room that I rent off a friend here because you cannot commute through the rush hour traffic. It's just hideous. But the rest of the time I'm in Hamilton. And would you believe that buying a house in Hamilton and then renting a room in Auckland is cheaper than what I would have managed buying a house in Auckland? It's actually worked out. Yeah, right. And that's my big thing is like if you want to find money in your budget, you attack out. Yeah, right. And that's my big thing is like if you want to find money in your budget,

you attack housing, transport and food. And those are the big costs. You'll never have to think about them again. And then you're not angsting over a $5 coffee that frankly won't do that much anyway.

Right, won't break the bank. But hundreds of dollars of rent a week certainly adds up. Yeah, go for the $100 expenses, not the $5 ones. Right. Awesome. Well, the book is Tales100 expenses, not the $5 ones. Right. Awesome. Well, the book is Tales from a Financial Hot Mess.

Thanks for coming in. Thanks for having me. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. This is some climate change statistics, unless you deny that it's happening. And then it's just statistics. And then it's just a bunch of numbers that you'll be like, scoffing like that at.

This has been done. And there's all these categories. Look at all these columns. Look at all these stats. Don't make that noise again. So up your alley. I'm a stats man. Scooby-dooby-da-ba-ba-da-boob-ba-beep.

You can arrange these by city and by country because this is looking at the cities you don't want to be living in by 2040. Right. So that's 20 years away. You can organise it by potential sea level rise impact. That's by 2050. So these are low-lying cities that will be impacted by sea level rise the most, and it's a score.

Was it who? I mentioned it a while ago, but I remember it was Neil deGrasse Tyson. He tweeted saying that the water levels, I can't remember by when, but it'll be up to the elbow of the Statue of Liberty. That was by the end of the century. By the end of the century, I think. Was that right? Well, that's at sea level.

So it's not that far above sea level. But that right? Well, that's at sea level. Yeah, it's not that far above sea level. But they were crazy high though. Only yesterday they were drilling into that, is it the Thwaites Glacier? That's the Doomsday Glacier. Oh, and that mounts for all of them. Yeah, and they're like, it's melting so fast. Yeah.

They should put a freezer over it. Like, you know Snow Planet? You know Snow Planet? Why don't they build one of those over it? If that's the one that we've got to keep cold. Yeah. Just saying. So you can organise by like potential sea level rise.

Yeah. Climate shift. Yeah. That's like a score as well of how much the climate's going to change. And that's not just temperature, but that's also, that's where you would get affected by storms and stuff by a change in climate and also water stress

because this is a massive thing of how much water shortage is going to affect it so I thought I'd give you the top five for each just to really tell us where it's not going to be a good place potential sea level rise impact score Bangkok, Thailand 100

is 100 bad? by 2050 Bangkok, Thailand, 100. Is 100 bad? By 2050, Bangkok, Thailand is going to be wildly affected by sea level rise. It's the worst. It's above Amsterdam, which we always hear about in the Netherlands. That's the example of when sea level goes up. So much of it sits below sea level that it'll be in big trouble. There's going to be some stoners in those cafes wondering why there's water halfway out the windows. Yeah.

Well, I think they'll be out by then. I hope so. Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam, Cardiff in Wales, and New Orleans in the US. We saw New Orleans in Hurricane Katrina. It was really affected by sea level. So climate score change,

the ones that are going to be the most affected number one is Nairobi and Kenya. Currently it's got a temperate, humid, warm summer. It is going to be moved into a tropical wet summer climate. So way hotter than it already is. Yeah, and way wetter and way more prone to cyclones. Yeah, right. wetter and way more prone to cyclones. Yeah, right. Seoul and South Korea is going to go from continental warm, dry summer

to a temperate dry winter and a warm summer. Because I was reading yesterday a lot of the winemaking regions are going to lose their ability to make wine. Yeah, white wine is really going to suffer. So if you love the buttery shards, I mean, maybe start stockpiling a few casks. If you're a doomsday prepper, it's important to think about. Yeah, put some in your civil defence emergency kit. Put it well above sea level.

Chicago's climate's going to change as well as Toronto and Canada and Beijing and China. Those are the top five most affected by the change of climates. This is the people who are going to be expecting water shortages. Sydney, Australia is the people who are going to be expecting water shortages. Sydney, Australia is the fifth highest affected. On a score that can go up to 100,

they're on a 17.8. Makarish and Morocco are fourth. Marrakesh. Marrakesh. What did I say? Marrakesh.

Makarish or something. Makarish or something. Oh, did I say Makarish? Yeah. That's the dance, isn't it? Yeah. No, that's the Macarena. Marrakes Macarish or something. Oh, they don't say Macarish. Yeah. That's the dance, isn't it? Yeah. No, that's the Macarena. Carraquish.

Look, okay. Moroccan spice is going to be affected. That's what we need to know. They're going to be 42 in a water shortage. Istanbul in Turkey is going to be 56. Number two, Santiago in Chile is going to have 71% water stress increased score. They've got so many, like, they've got the Andes there. But it's going to go from a dry, cold summer to a dry, hot summer.

I just think it's going to be a total climate change there. And Melbourne, Australia is the number one city that is going to be affected by water stress. 100 out of a possible 100. Where is everyone from Wellington going to move to if it's not Melbourne? We'll go to the bottom because they need water, don't they, to make their craft beers and their long blacks. Cambodia. That's going to be fine.

Well, quite a few places aren't going to be affected by a water shortage. Surprisingly enough, New Orleans and Amsterdam are one of them, and that's because they're going to be underwater. So is anywhere in New Zealand on the list? Auckland did appear. It is going to suffer some water stress. Yep. Not too badly, though.

But bad enough that it'll make your QMU property waterfront? That would be on the sea change, the sea level rise. It's not as bad as you'd expect. It's only like a four, and you'll remember that the highest one was 100. Oh, we're all good. We're fine then. We're not too bad. They're all going to be moving back from Aussie though, aren't they?

Oh, it's too hot. A lot of Australian cities are in line for baseline temperature changes. They're going to get hotter. They're going to get drier. And they're going to be affected by sea level change. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Executive Intern Anya.

Taking a while to get our heads around this new title. She's self-appointed. She has not. Executive. We sure as hell didn't give it to her. I was happy to keep calling her internania. She's only been here six months. She can't explain it.

There's audio where she claimed executive status. For almost four years. Yep. Have you been here four years? Yep. She has got a new role. It seriously feels like six months. Actually, like, full-blown producer, not an intern.

We've passed that period where we can fire you. Yeah, by, like, forever. By four years. Bloody labour. I'm pretty sure I've worked here since before that thing was a thing. That's how long it is. Let's agree to disagree. So, you have, people might not know, I didn't know this was news to me, mostly because when you talk I stop listening, but you've moved out of the apartment that you had with your Andy.

My Andy. With your Andy. Me and my Andy. You and your Andy. You've moved back home to the supple teat of the parents. Yes, and you've taken the sluice goose with you. Yeah. That's your Andy's other name.

Yeah. We've decided that the life of independence and standing on our own two feet is not for us. We tried it. Yuck. So we're the boomerang generation.

We're back, baby. Yeah, because we're not doing the millennial boomerang generation any favours with the stereotype moving straight back home. It was six months. It's good to see. But no. What was it like paying your. It was six months. It was good to see. It's not for you. You tried it.

It's not for you. What was it like paying your own bills? Disgusting. Something I wouldn't wish upon anyone. Apart from your parents because now they're paying their own bills and your bills. Look, they decided to have children. That's what I used to say to my parents.

Yeah, I didn't ask to be born. Yeah, all your fault. Did they think that 24 years later I'd still be here? Well, probably not. Yeah, so we've moved back home. The master plan is that we'll be there for 14 months and save for a house deposit. Wow.

Okay, so you've obviously got, if it's 14 months, you've done a budget? Yep, there's some spreadsheet, there's been calculators, all of the things. When did the budgeting start? When the ASOS packages stopped arriving, the one-sit packages. I haven't seen the mailroom lady in forever. She asked me if you were right. But we went for a mani-pedi like last week.

Shh, mate. Now, you broke this strict budget. You broke this strict budget. Again, it wasn't the mani-pedi, but you broke this yesterday and you've covered up your crime. Yeah, so the lease on the apartment technically ended at the end of last week. So it was like, okay, it's time to settle in. Let's put this budget in.

And so I've basically got about, I think, $20 a week to play with. I know. I know, right? It's nothing. Megan's just composing herself there. What are you doing? I know. Do what with?

You can't even go to a movie. I can do it. I can do it. No, you can go to one movie. I can go to a movie on a specific day and see one that's been there for six weeks. Okay. Yesterday, long day at work, I was real peckish, decided that half of that money was going to go on the new McSpicy burger at McDonald's.

You were like a young Charlie Bucket and he finds 50 cents in the street and he really wants that Wonka bar and the chance to win a trip to the Wonka factory and you bought yourself, you spent half of your earnings. Yep. So knowing that, one, it was only Wednesday and two, I've already blown half of it, I knew it wouldn't go down well with either Andy or my parents. Now, the parents are great at doing the bins.

We can just never wrap our head around what day those trucks come. Literally the same day every week, famously. I'm so busy, I've got no time to remember. So they always open the lids, I don't know, rummage around, see what's in there. Why do parents go through the bin? I think they want to check the recyclings all in order. Do a quick look.

It's a parent's nightmare as a parent that you go out to get your bin in and you see it's got a little sticker on it because someone put something in there that shouldn't have been in there and they've given it a little check and now you've got a whole rubbish bin for the week. You're full. I don't even know what you're talking about. So in an effort to not have that whole drama,

I thought I'll drive to the beach and put the rubbish in the bin at the beach. You drove to the beach? How far did you have to drive? It was about 10 minutes. You drove 10 minutes to dispose of a burger box? It was a combo. I traded myself for a combo.

Oh, right now it's a combo. Oh, no. Yeah. So they wouldn't know that you've cheated on the budget? Yeah, and I didn't. So when I drove to the beach, it was quite busy, you know, lunchtime, a few people around, and I didn't want to look like I was just getting out,

putting the bag in the bin and going. So I just sat in my car for a bit and was like, oh, it was such a lovely day, like looking at the people in the car next to me like, oh sat in my car for a bit and was like, oh, this is such a lovely day. Like looking at the people in the car next to me like, oh, it's so nice. We're all spending our lunch breaks together. Waited for an appropriate amount of time. Oh, just out of control.

And then left. And then as I was sitting in the car, I was like, this is a low point. You've got to sort yourself out. We need these low points though. Yeah. The moments that make us think. Do you think you'd be alone in this?

Like disposing of secret treats? Because, you know, a lot Yeah. The moments that make us think. Do you think you'd be alone in this, like, disposing of secret treats? Because, you know, a lot of couples would be that we're doing the diet together. You know? Like, they'll do the weight loss journey together and they'll be like, don't you cheat and eat snacks. Yeah, yeah. I don't even think it would just be food treats. People would be treating themselves to old Shoes McGee over here.

I think there's been more than one occasion where she's taken the shoes home minus the box that they arrived in as to claim it's an age-old trick. I've had these for ages. The worst, yeah, because he always notices the courier packets in the rubbish bin, so they have to go elsewhere.

What do you do with them? Come on. This is a low point, actually. Now I'm realising it as I'm saying it out loud. Sometimes I have to put it straight out into the wheelie bin and then hide it down in amongst the other rubbish. Yeah, you have to push it down above the rubbish. My hands definitely touch some things.

And I'm like, come on, mate. What have I done? All right, let's take some calls. Maybe you had one of these low points. 0800-DARZATM-9696. What lengths did you go to to hide evidence of treats? The lengths you've gone to to hide evidence of treats.

This could just be diet, treat, cheat, cheat, treats. Yeah, online shopping. A lot of that. Any treats you've been buying yourself when you shouldn't have been. Somebody said, last month I spent $400 on fishing gear. And this month I spent $400 on fishing gear

and this month I'm going to be spending some more. I get it sent to my mum's house and I pick it up put the packaging and the bit at her house and then put it straight with the rest of the fishing gear. She never knows. It blows my mind that you can hide $400 from your partner.

That's a lot. You definitely get noticed. Who else messaging their mums in on it? Well, somebody said, I get all of my stuff sent to my mums, all the courier parcels. She unwraps them for me, then comes around to visit and saying,

I bought these and they don't fit, or I found these at an op shop and I thought they were you, so I got them for you. But she's totally in on the cheats. Good work, mum. Rebecca, what lengths did you go to to hide a treat? Morning, guys.

How are you? Good, good. Well, when I was living as a teenager at home, I ventured into Mum's pantry. There was a Whittaker's block of chocolate, and I just stuck myself one single row. Yeah. I thought, no, that's way too obvious, and I felt obliged to eat the whole thing. And so how did you hide the evidence? Well, I destroyed the whole thing and I thought she'll never know.

But she's one of those mums that knows exactly how many stacks of everything is in her pantry. And she discovered me the exact same day. So you tried, but yeah. Where did you put the evidence? How did you destroy it? Oh, straight out to the red bin. Just like Megan. Hand in.

Oh, yeah. Push it right down. Screw it into a tight ball. That's not enough for a mum. You can't put it in the rubbish bin. They go through the bins. I know. It's crazy.

All right, Rebecca, thanks. You called more text messages. I ate the last of the ice cream one day for lunch, and I didn't want my wife to know, so I popped down to the dairy and bought the same flavour, but realised I couldn't leave a full ice cream in there, so I ate the last of the ice cream one day for lunch and I didn't want my wife to know so I popped down to the dairy and bought the same flavour but realised I couldn't leave a full ice cream in there so I ate the right amount to make it look like I had had none.

So essentially I ate a two litre Goody Gumdrops for lunch. Why didn't they just go get an ice block from the dairy? Goody Gumdrops. Yeah true, get it from down there. Silly thing is I bet my wife wouldn't have cared anyway and I just had a sore stomach all afternoon. Yeah that's one thing.

Someone said, after hubby goes to bed early, I might enjoy a bottle of wine. Oh, okay. And then I go and hide the wine bottles in my car until recycling day. It does make you feel pretty bad when you're driving down the road and the rattle and bang of glass bottles all around and you can't make you feel like you've got a problem.

Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. I got in trouble a couple of days ago because I switched my phone to dark mode. If you don't have an iPhone, Samsung has the same. A lot of people ask me what the hell dark mode is. You just, everything white on your screen

goes black pretty much. Yeah, I like it I've been using dark mode for ages now and apparently it saves your battery too it is a it's a bit hard

to get used to but I thought it looked chic so I was like I'm gonna change it I reckon it makes Instagram look nicer oh do you it's more aesthetically pleasing

right yeah yeah okay monochromatic situation yeah but yeah I got in trouble with my husband who thought that it was a bit of a betrayal

because we should have spoken about it. We should have had a discussion and both changed to dark mode. Mr. Toyboy believes it's either everyone in light mode or everyone in dark mode. Even though you're on your phone, it's your phone. And I thought it was pretty funny.

Like he wasn't angry. He was just having a little sook about it that I didn't discuss it with him. Right. And I was like, everyone's going to think this pretty funny. Like, he wasn't angry. He was just having a little sook about it that I didn't discuss it with him. Right. And I was like, everyone's going to think this is funny. It was surprising how many people agreed with him. I know, like, you were getting messages about this, that couples have to have the same layout on their phones.

Or have discussions about these major decisions. One person said, I totally understand where Andrew's coming from. You two are a team and I would be the same. And then ends it going, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Passive aggressive. Yeah. I'm not crazy. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

My husband was the same because it made it look like I was private browsing. Oh. Incognito. It made it look like she was browsing. It looked like she was doing something nefarious on there. Yeah, but lots of people were saying that they agreed with him. The only thing I would care about a couple if I was in a relationship, the only thing I'd care about on a partner's phone

would be if they had uncleared email bubbles. Oh, notifications. Notifications. You know the people that have 4,000 unread emails? And like 40 apps that need updating. It's like, what is wrong with you? The only thing I would care about

is if the pin code suddenly changed. Because you know that you've found this pin code. Do you know the man in the world? In the web?

The man in the what? No, that's... Is that a dream? No, no, no, no. It's a fact. I was going to hit you with a fact, but then I thought

I could save this for fact of the day given that we... I could reference back to this conversation. Oh, okay, yeah. I'm going to. I'm going to hit you with a fact, but then I thought I could save this for fact of the day, given that I could reference back to this conversation. Oh, okay, yeah. I'm going to. I'm going to tuck that away in my back pocket. Okay, and for today's fact of the day?

Yes. Oh, okay. I will scooch what I had for today to tomorrow. Good job. I've already done tomorrow's work. I was looking forward to today's fact of the day. Well, yes. About Gillian Anderson.

Well, that can be tomorrow's. Okay. On sex education currently. About Gillian Anderson. Well, that can be tomorrow's. Okay. She's on sex education currently. Yeah, she's so great. Well, yesterday we asked on Instagram, what are the big phone rules in your relationship? The etiquette.

Because clearly I need to be educated. And I've got the nine biggest ones. And you, I mean, I'm surprised, but that dark mode featured quite heavily. Really? Yeah. Partner has to disclose if they're switching to dark mode. That came through quite a bit.

That's so weird. Here are some other couple etiquette rules. When you wake up for the first 10 minutes, you can't look at your phone. The first thing you do when you wake up can't be your phone. And I mean, if you're waking up together, that's fine. But if you're waking up before your partner, lie in bed and check your phone, right? Yeah, you've got to check your notifications,

clear those bubbles. That's the first thing I do is just look at my phone in the morning. It's like, oh, what have I got? Yeah, but you also don't wake up beside anyone. They're long gone on the Uber. That's what it's checking. See how much it cost them to Uber them home. I'm not paying for that. Rude.

Or did they at least share the details of their ride so you know they got there safely? Number three, no phones in bed. So I don't know if that means you're still allowed to charge your phone in the bedroom. Yeah. Because I use my phone as my alarm. Yeah. So it's got to be in my room. I think that's more like when you get to bed, you don't

go on your phones. How does that work in your house? Well, I set my alarm, put it on a decent volume because you don't go on your phones. How does that work in your house? Well, I set my alarm. Yep. Put it on a decent volume because you don't want your alarm full noise. Yep. I always put it about mid. Yep.

Clear the notifications, go to bed. But Sade will lie on her phone for a long time looking at her phone. And I've said we should instigate the no phone. I say, well, relax and get to sleep. The next morning, how'd you sleep? Oh, terrible sleep. I couldn't get to sleep for so long. Oh, okay.

Well, I won't say I told you so, but, you know. Okay, more phone etiquette rules for partners. The last one looking at their phone at night has to lock the door. Oh, yeah. Or turn the lights off. And get the dog in from doing wee. Yeah, I've heard of people who whoever's last on the phone has to do a certain chore. So then it's like kind of, yeah,

there's incentive not to be on your phone. Once I'm done on my phone, they have to pay attention to me. That's another. Read that as it came in. Once I'm done on my phone, he has to pay attention to me. I was making that non-gender specific, Ward. We all know this is very gender specific. No, that's not true.

That's not true because Andrew does that too and it drives me batty. Because they just decided to put their phone down and then granted how wonderful they are. You're always on your phone.

He's on his phone so you're like, okay, I'll check Instagram and then he gets off it and he's like, oh my God, you're on your phone. You're like, what? Roll the dice.

Roll the dice. Call for a screen time challenge. I've done it. I'm out on top, baby. I don't back myself. No social media on 7.30 as another phone relationship rule. After 7.30. Yeah.

So I guess it's just you time, right? Like couples time. After 7.30, then you have to talk to each other or you have to watch TV. Okay. You have to watch TV. Oh, my God. Awful.

No using other's phone. No one can use their phone if the other, like your partner's phone is dead. No, you own both the phones. Hit it. That's their fault for not having a full charge or still using an iPhone. Wait, wait, wait, wait. So if my phone goes flat, That's their fault for not having a full charge. Or still using an iPhone 4.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. So if my phone goes flat, they're saying I can't use his phone. Or are they saying if your phone goes flat, he has to put his phone down too? Yeah, that's what they're saying. That's what they're saying. What?

That's stupid. Because they're obviously, they're on their phone and they're not getting attention. Yeah. Their phone's out of batteries and they're too lazy to go get the charger. It's their fault for not charging their phone. Yeah, no, that's stupid.

Okay. Another rule that a lot of people message in with, watching your posture. So we don't get, like, what is it, horns on our necks or whatever it is. Yeah, right. Well, I suppose if you're going to be with this person long term, you don't want them hunched over because of all their phone use. And finally, a phone etiquette rule that a lot of people were big on

is deciding one app to communicate on. So whether that's just texting, iMessage or whatever, or just Messenger, or just Instagram. Because you could be messaging on Instagram, you might send a meme, but then you're also talking about

dinner on text, or Messenger. I know I get this. Do you get that? Do you get that? Yeah, but I just send location on Messenger and then do old school text. Do you?

Do you like save text for like a special person? Because like my best friend and my husband are the only people I text. Yeah, right. Special. Oh. Like save the old school for the special people. Is Andy Paisley on the green bubble?

No. Thank God. That was yuck to be totally honest. I saw you texting one day and it came up as a green bubble. I was like, ooh, yuck. Who have you married? That's disgusting. Yuck.

And occasionally I'll see Fletch sending out some flirty text messages and they're in green. Green bubbles. And I'm like, ooh. No, they're not. They're in blue. No. Not your latest. How dare they have, like, a non-high phone.

Oh, my God. Oh, unbelievable. Kia ora, this is Toby Mann. I'm the host of Gone By Lunchtime, a podcast for the spin-off podcast network all about politics and politicians with me, Annabel Lee-Mather and Ben Thomas, careering wildly from the very serious

to the very ridiculous. It's not for everyone, I don't think it would be Ellen's cup of tea, but you, I reckon, will love it. Gone by Lunchtime, grab one now wherever you get your podcasts. Fleshfauna Megan, the podcast, ZM. And it starts Monday, ZM's $100,000 secret sound.

Thanks to Save My Bacon, a brighter way to borrow. Soundkeeper Gary has the vital role of man that comes up with the sound and knows the sound. One of very few people. Good morning, guys. Good morning. I'm about three sounds away, I think. I've got three left and I'm deciding which one I'm going to go with.

It's a lot of money, so I'm just making sure it's perfect before we start on Monday. Because how gutted are you going to be if someone guesses it on Monday? It's happened before. No, to be fair, you didn't come up with that sound, did you? Was that Ross Boss? That was the literal worst soundkeeper there's ever been, Ross Boss. Who, who, who's this whole? Was that $40,000 or $30,000 on day one

that we gave away? No, it was $10,000. $10,000, just like that. It was $10,000, which is started. Yeah, but he tried to use reverse psychology by picking a hole punch and it was a mess. Right. What, do you know what we're starting

the jackpot at yet? Or do we have to wait until Monday morning to find out? We'll have to wait until Monday morning, but it's going to be good. Okay, because we've got $100,000 to play with. I'll be disappointed if it's anything less than $100,000. It's a high bar. All right, so you're down to a couple of sounds. We thought we would run some sounds past you this morning

just to get people, you know, thinking, get the juices flowing. Flip the dice on you for a change? Yeah, maybe give you a chance. Right.

You know, to hear a sound and maybe think, this could be a good one. Because we should explain this, that you guys don't know the sound. Nobody knows the sound. You know what?

Thank goodness I don't know the sound. I don't want to know it. That's the thing, I don't want to know it because people, like, it was bizarre. People would just, that I didn't know, come up to you and just be to know it. That's the thing, I don't want to know it because people, like it was bizarre.

People would just, that I didn't know, come up to you and just be like, like even at the gym and just be like, hey, what is it? Like I'm going to tell you.

No, I'd have a few wines and be like, oh for Christ's sake, it's a hole punch. Now leave me alone, it's a hole punch. And let's go halves in it. I think that's mainly

why we don't know because Vaughan's very open to bribery and corruption. He's a Southeast Asian country. Yeah, yeah. He's easily bribed. I'm the Philippines. Yeah.

I'm the Philippines. Hard on the outside, but corruptible on the inner. Now, Gary, we've got a blindfold in front of you. If you could please pop that on. Baby pink. Okay, brilliant. Lovely. Okay.

Now, there's not going to be any nudity, is there? Because I've done a few segments with you guys. You or us? Every time there's a blindfold. You're the only one that's been naked in the studio, Gary. That's what I mean. No nudity. Okay, now you can't see us.

I can't see you. What am I doing right now? Scissors? I was ripping the fingers. Right. You were. You did start by pulling two fingers. Two, yeah, but then I was like, one? Yeah, then you went to one. The more offensive. I don't.

Is it? Can you say it? It was a guess. No, it was like a Karen. It was a good guess. So, okay, Vaughn, you've got... That was skill. Now, what we've got is a variety of stuff just from the office and around.

Yeah. And we're going to run these past you and see if you can guess these. Okay. Ready? Okay. Oh. Oh. That? Okay. Oh. That was a phone vibrating. Yeah, that was Fletch getting some sort of filthy message.

Just got a message. Do you want me to do it again? Oh, is it you? Okay, yeah. What was that? Were you taking the ace off the top of a playing card? Oh. No, Gary, that is not the secret sound.

How does it feel now, Gary? Shoes on the other foot. This is awful. No, that was very close, though. Your show prep sheet flipping over. No, it was Vaughn's security card. It was the work swipe card coming out of the work-issued plastic holder. Well, this is nice that I get instant gratification.

I've got one. Okay. I've got one. Vaughan, shush. Here we go. I'll put my mic real loud. What's that? I mean, you stuffed it up by hitting the microphone.

I haven't done this before, Megan. I'm not a soundkeeper. I'll do it again. I'll do it again. up by hitting the microphone. I haven't done this before, Megan. I'm not a sound keeper. I'll do it again. I'll do it again. That's a hole punch. Staple. Hole punch. Hole punch.

It is. It is. Okay, Vaughn, you've got a sound. This is fun. Let's just do this all morning. Shh. Gary, what is that secret sound? Jesus. Gary, what is that secret sound?

That's a flat cowboy hat being propped up so it's at its most erect. No. No, not at all. You're not even close, Gary. Do it one more time. He does have a cowboy hat. To be fair, he did stuff it up the first time. Okay.

That sounded good. No. Is that opening an umbrella like Dick Van Dyke? No. One more time. That's a good sound, actually. That's a good sound. Can I not answer it?

Can you also stop wasting my nose tissues, please? It's tissues, Gary B. Ripped from the box. I think that would be too easy, to be honest. It was a good sound, but I think that would be too easy. I don't even know if this is going to make a sound. I want to try this. Oh, okay.

Vaughn's got one here. What's that? Oh, I'm here. Hey, I didn't expect you to sound like that. Can you do it again? Shush, please. Do it again. Oh, my God. Can it play me the secret sound?

I love that. I can't do it anymore. You broke it. Okay, Gary, what was that for $100,000? You're doing that thing with your cheek. No, Gary, I wasn't. What was that? It was jiggling a banana skin. Didn't sound like that, though, did it?

That's a great sound. That's really a left field. Really good. Do we want some more? I've got one. Gary, stand by. That's a bell. Yep. As a traditional bell. It's a receptionist bell

Vaughan No that doesn't make a sound I just went off the That was a chapstick I was trying to twist the chapstick Why don't you Megan Why don't you bring a sound to the table What

Okay Oh I don't really have anything around me Okay hang on Let's see if this makes a sound Carrie One more time Okay See if this makes a sound. Ooh. Carrie? One more time? Okay.

I hang around Megan too much. I knew what that was. I made it. Are you, like, closing a coin purse? I think every female would know that sound. I think that would be the worst secret sound we could choose. I'm popping the lid off my lipstick. Okay, well, not too bad from you, Gary.

That was awful. Do you think any of those would be suitable? Those are all, I mean, not all of them, but some of those are actually really, really good. I like the left field, left brain thinking of some of those. So I'm going to take some inspiration from this and, yeah, come up with more sounds. Don't go with squishy banana because that's...

I doubt that would have lasted more than a week. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. It's time for Fact of the Day Day, day, day, day. Now we were talking about it on the show before Things on your phone Phone etiquette between couples

Yeah And Fletch you said The most annoying thing would be Having a partner who left the red bubbles on their Screen I have friends that do this And it drives left the red bubbles on their screen. I have friends that do this, and I just see them on their phone, and it drives me crazy. Well, for one man, one day the red bubble got too much.

Okay. Because have you ever seen to the point where the red bubble doesn't say thousands anymore, it just says like 30K? No. The red bubble doesn't have the exact amount of emails. What a monster. It gets to the point, it might be over 100k. It says k on the end. It doesn't say

the full amount anymore. That's how many are in there. Well, a man called Joey M, Joey Monsala uploaded a video and this was in 2012 but apparently remains unbeaten. Okay. He turned it off because it just got too much to deal with. Yeah.

But out of interest he thought, I wonder how many unread emails I do have. So went in and turned it back on, deleted one and it told him that he had 4 billion 294 million 976 thousand 256

unread emails in his inbox. I'd start again. Burn it to the ground. Start again. Log out and never log back on. Like, what do you need? You'd never find a message from anyone in that inbox. How long a period are we talking?

Well, he did this in 2012, so... What? When did everybody kind of get email addresses? Early 2000s? Late 90s, early 2000s? So let's say he'd had it for, in 2012, let's say he'd had it for 14 years by then. He must have been signing up to some sites.

To everything. And clicking on all sorts of things. He must have set out in the early days being like, I will kill the internet by having every single email that's ever existed in my inbox. Because what was that thing we signed up to? Unsubscribe. Unsubscribe me or whatever.

Unroll me. Unroll me, yeah. But then that turned out to be a bit. Then that got, I think that got hacked or something. I think so. Yeah, but that was a great, I mean, I think it's still around. But now actually. But you can unsubscribe to all your subscribed emails.

Mostly on your phone now. In the inbuilt mail feature. Yeah. When it comes in, if it's from a mailing list, in the inbuilt mail feature, when it comes in, if it's from a mailing list, at the top it'll say, this is from a mailing list. Do you wish to unsubscribe? And you can just be like, unsubscribe. And you just like, one click, unsubscribe. Yeah, right.

Yeah. But he had 4.2 billion emails. Unread emails. Oh my God. In his inbox. And actually more emails than he had actually read. Says a lot about this person. Says a lot about him.

Shambles. A shambles of a man. I'm just... Unorganised. Probably very unorganised. But then you're very unorganised. I know, I was like, he's only a stone's throw away from Bourne.

But you don't... Are you kidding me? I'm a notification clearer. I know, but you don't have your email on your work phone. Not my work email on the phone. But you've got other emails. Yeah, but there's never any unread emails in there.

Good. Even if I don't want them, I delete them. Or I read them and delete them. Yeah, because you don't always reply. I don't know. It was like at the end of last year, it started to get full, so I just selected all and deleted. Now, if it's important, they'll get back to me, I'm sure.

Exactly. Yeah, or they'll ring you. But the only red bubble I have is for an app about, like it's a delete it. Now if it's important, they'll get back to me, I'm sure. Exactly. Yeah, or they'll ring you. But the only red bubble I have is for an app about, it's a countdown app. So I know I've got 70 days until Easter

right here on my phone. Yeah. Oh, you know, I'm pretty bad with all the bubbles. You've got 13 unread emails. Yeah, well, I only turn my back

for a minute and then... I turn my back for a minute and I've got 13 unread emails. I've got four bubbles on my screen.

Oh, no, that does my head in. Do you know, I couldn't figure out And then... I turned my back for a minute and I got 13 unread emails. I've got four bubbles on my screen. Like four separate apps. No, that does my head in. Do you know I couldn't figure out how to clear a bubble on an app? So I just deleted the app. No, you can just turn notifications off for that app. No, this one was being particularly persistent. I would do that too. Because I know you can turn off notifications.

I would do that too. And so I just deleted it. Good. That was a faulty app. Let's go on now. That'll teach them. I can't even remember its name. That's how disgusting it was. So today's fact of the day is if you think you

have a lot of unread emails, a man called Joey M apparently holds the record with 4.2 billion unread emails. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. I do-do-do-do-do do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

We've got a new dating term. These are generally negative because they're used to describe shitty behaviours on dating apps. Yeah. Usually. Yeah. So this one is called whelming. Whelming. You've been whelmed. Like overwhelmed or underwhelmed.

Okay. So something to do with whelming. So it is when you're talking to someone on a dating app or however you're talking to them. Yeah. And they are overwhelmed by all of the other matches they have gone on. They are inundated by... So they're telling you...

You're being whelmed if they're telling you how overwhelmed they are with all the other people they've got on the go. I'm so popular, I'm having trouble with all the other matches. Trying to play it down. So kind of a humble brag. Yeah. Yeah, and also keep your keen because you feel like you've got to fight for it maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's many.

Or like, oh, you're so lucky to be talking to me. I've got so many matches. I've got so many matches. But do you play it down? Like, I just can't believe how many matches I've had. Like, oh, hi, how are you? Good to match. I know, another one. I can't can't believe how many matches I've had. Like, oh, hi, how are you? Good to match. I know.

Another one. I can't believe it, how many matches I'm getting. They're overwhelmed by it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not a New Zealand thing to do. You just get mowing down. People are just like, what are you talking about, mate? Who do you think you are?

Yeah. But then maybe people do it. Yeah. I was like, if a hot guy did it to me, I'd be like, oh my gosh, try harder. You're like, keep talking to them. I don't know. It's kind of like, it is. Maybe that works. It's the thrill of the chase.

Yeah. Maybe this is a strategy. Yeah. You whelm people and so they feel like they've got to fight. Yeah. You've got to fight on your hands. I've picked an attractive one. I mean, it's no different than the Bachelorette

that we're watching. That's exactly it. Everyone else, you know, you're seeing the whelming. Yeah. It's right there in your face, in front of you. Exactly. But also, she's a little underwhelmed because she looks down and she's like, really? I'm

an attractive doctor. And this was what you bring me? How dare you? Wow. Vaughn's just upset he's not on there. Hey, look, I'm hoping for a sequel. It's called The Man Who Pushed His Luck With His Wife and She Left Him.

Tries his hand at wooing the bachelorette. Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Sorry, I was just... What were you doing? I was wondering how old Adolf Hitler was when he died. Oh, my God. Not as old as you think.

No, older. He's in his 50s. Yeah, he's 55. 55, okay. 55 when he died. God, he looked terrible. Are you just thinking about getting home and watching World War II

in colour? Well, I went to the gym before this morning, so I've already had a taster. Okay, right. I've already had a taster today. It's coming to an end. Oh, okay.

I'm almost finished the series. I tell you what, I don't think it's going to end well for the Nazis. No. That's what I was going to say, you know how it ends. Yeah, not well.

But you think about people who are 55 now, significantly better shaped than he was at the end. Mind you, he was on a cocktail every morning. You know how we might have a Barocca or a Centrum multivitamin. He was having a mixture of cocaine and heroin. What?

In the morning? Injected by his personal physician. And he said his vitamin shot made him feel energetic and lively every morning. Vitamin shot? Of course it did. It was drugs. Wow. Oh was drugs. Wow. Oh, Hitler.

What I wanted to tell you about, however, was completely not related to Hitler. Women are having wedding dress parties. Women. Women. Woman. Woman. In 2020, you're going to say women is the plural now. Woman.

Woman. Yeah. I am saying woman. You're like, woman. Women. Women. Yeah. I am saying women. Women. Women. Women. Say women. Say singular woman.

Woman. Now say plural of that. Women. There you go. That's a bit better. So it's in the front end that I changed, not the back end. W-I-M-E-N. Women.

Women. Say it like that. W-I. Women. Yeah, there you go. That's plural. But it's the last vowels that's changed, not the first vowel. Doesn't matter.

English. It's weird. Stupid English. God, I sounded a bit like Hitler then, didn't I? Yeah. Get rid of them all. Stupid English. So women having wedding dress parties.

This is becoming a more popular trend. It picked up again last year and carrying on into 2020. They think women will be squeezing into their wedding dress. Ouch. Hey. Hey. We can say that. You can't.

It's the truth, but I'm not allowed to say it. No. You're going to say it looks as beautiful on you today as it did the day we got married. For sure. We can't zip it up, but it looks as beautiful on you today as it did the day we got married. For sure. But women described. You can't zip it up, but it looks the same. Women described squeezing in. That was the.

Oh, you were reading. The verb. Yep. That most people use when putting their wedding dress back on after a while since wearing it. Squeezing back into the old wedding dress. Yeah. And. I would not like to try that.

Would you though? Would you try it? Would you need someone... How was your... What was your buttoning situation on the back? There's heaps of buttons up the back. Right. So you need someone to button up for you.

Yeah, yeah. That sort of thing you could just try by yourself if you're at home. Yeah. One afternoon. You needed to do one of these parties. You'd just, what, have a backless wedding dress. No, no.

She'd get somebody else to do it up. You're supposed to wear your wedding dress so it gets a second use. Right. She'd get somebody else to do it up. I just think someone helped me into it. She was saying she's like, I wouldn't even want to try to get into it. And I thought if it's one that you could get into by yourself. Right.

Yeah. Would you try? You'd want to know. Oh, nah. I don't think I would want to know. Nah. So what are you going to do with it? Just leave it hanging up?

Well, it's just I can't bring myself to, like, get rid of it or sell it or anything. Sell it? I wanted to sell my first wedding dress, but then never got that back from some afternoon prank that Jason P.J. did back in the day. Jason P.J. took it to Vegas, didn't he? She got married. And now they're like, oh, actually, I don't know where they ended up. Wonderful.

I'd bill them. I mean, it's a $3,000 dress, but just gone in the abyss. I could have sold that. That had bad juju, though, didn't it? It did have bad juju, but I was willing to sell it on to someone else. You don't sell on your bad juju. They don't want your divorce juju. You don't sell your bad juju.

Is it wrong to sell divorced juices? Absolutely. I saw people when they buy an engagement ring, someone's selling because the engagement fell through. You've got some bad juju. Yeah. You need to take that to Michael Hill. Bad bro-juju.

Take it to Michael Hill Jeweler for a saging. Well, they burn it, melt it down and turn it into another one. They could do that, actually. And then, because I believe the juju melts in the extreme temperatures. Right. Oh yeah, juju can't survive over 80 degrees C.

No. It's like a lot of bacteria. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too?

Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. And music lives here. ZM.