ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - July 01 2019

Episode Date: June 30, 2019

Producer Caitlin is live from the reveal of the new All Blacks jersey, Vaughan has finished his gate and what rookie mistakes do people make in your industry?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Thank you, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Did you guys see the Bless, same company, New Zealand Herald's headline read Donald Trump? No. Yeah, that's what we were having a chuckle about. There's a little typo. Donald Trump becomes first US president to enter North Korean.

Oh my. Just drop the N. They drop the N later that night or early this morning but not before people could screenshot that. Oh, lols.

That can't be right either, could it? Surely it is. I wouldn't imagine so, Paul. Maybe, though. You never know. Could be. You never know.

We haven't seen those Russian hotel tapes yet. It's only been like 40... How many presidents? 46? Oh, you mean... I thought... Yeah, okay. I was more speculating on the typo than the actual... No. Oh, yeah, okay. I was more speculating on the typo than the actual.

Oh, yeah, right. Megan's just mentioned as well that she's got a, for your cafe that you've opened with Mr. Toyboy, you've got a council inspection tomorrow. Yeah, so we get our grading. I'm so mad at her. Do you not have a grading at the moment? No, it says grade pending.

So you have the actual certificate from the council. It means that that at the moment. No, it says grade pending. So you have the actual certificate from the council. It means that that grade's coming. See, if I owned any kind of food place and I didn't get an A, I'd just hide the certificate behind a picture of... But you're not allowed to. It has to be displayed. Eh. I'd put up another certificate that said A for effort.

Or like a coloured in A. Have you not seen it? There's some West Auckland food outlets that you're like, hold on, that's not the council certificate because it's just, I got a big A and it's like, this is just my child's report. There's like this pest control place, and they do grades and people put those up.

And they're like, A, and you're like, that's not a council grade. Because it doesn't have the sparkly, reflective A. God. But imagine if they came around and they're like, they're just packing up. And you're like, how was it? And the guy's like

It was very clean No you know the kitchen's in great order Yeah The eggs were a bit plain Imagine that Imagine that as a parting shot Well I don't think they sit down and eat a meal Vaughan I think they just come in and look around

Well why not? Well imagine if you If you had to eat How bad would you be as a counsellor speaking? Yeah that's the thing Going around all the places You're like if you had to eat. How bad would you be as a counselling speaker? Yeah, that's the thing. Go around all the places. You're like, I've got to eat everything on the menu.

Don't take a slice to go. What if you didn't feel like butter chicken at 10 o'clock in the morning? It's half titty, mate. That's the job you signed up for. That's the job you signed up for. Imagine a piping hot Vind Lotus down your Monday morning. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM.

Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the show. Thanks to Spark. Get unlimited Spark to Spark calls on a Spark U25 pack. Who changed all these lines? They're new, mate. They're new. They're new. Oh, thanks for telling me.

Should we give you another one of them? Thanks to Spark. Grab 50% off Spotify. And we shouldn't be talking about Spotify. They're killing us. I'll try another one. Thanks to Spark's $29. $29.

No. This is why Vaughn doesn't read these. Thanks to Spark's $29 prepaid rollover pack. It stacks a value. Yeah. I like that one. Just leave that to me because that sounded really like crowbarred in.

You really crowbarred that in. Yeah, but you gave it a dramatic pause. And then claimed that they were new. Just tell him not to. No, you don't do those things. You don't do those things.

Got some more here. No. No, no. All right, you lot. Listen up. It's story time. All right. Three news headlines that I've found for three interesting, quirky, odd, unusual news stories.

Vaughan and Megan, deliberate debate, and choose one only. Headline one, man's plan fails. Headline two, surprise couch. And headline three, Texas woman banned from Walmart. Surprise couch. Surprise couch. And headline three, Texas woman banned from Walmart. Surprise couch. Surprise couch. We're going to go fast.

Yeah, surprise couch. You want surprise couch? So many possibilities. Alright, we go to San Diego in America where a mum, Isabella McNeil, turned up to her home to find a couch. Wait a minute. You said Isabella McNeil and then you paused.

That was where I jump in with get unlimited spark to spark calls on a spark U25 pack. Okay. You don't need to read those out for me. Have you just found that bit of paper after all our years? No, no, I know it's there, but obviously the baton needed to be passed. Right. You don't need to do that.

I'll take care of it. The California mum is going to think twice now about handing over her cell phone to her passed. Right. You don't need to do that. I'll take care of it. The California mum is going to think twice now about handing over her cell phone to her toddler. Her cell phone? No.

Where she could get one gig of bonus data with a Spark U25 pad. Thank you, Ward. Her tech-savvy tot accidentally ordered a couch. She's toothed, this tot, on Amazon. Why do you keep saying tot? Tot. I don't know, she's two, this tot, on Amazon.

Why do you keep saying tot? Tot. I don't know, that's what they keep saying. I know, just say kid. Tot's so weird. It is, it's a weird term. The tech-savvy tot. You only use tot when it's alliteration. They want the alliteration, yeah, okay.

So Amazon had one touch buying. I know. Because I bought that thing right and it cost me a fortune. I know, because you didn't get to check the shipping. Or the New Zealand dollars. Yeah, it's ordered. So she had been in the market for a couch and she had been searching couches.

Right. So couches were up there. I guess the page was on couches and the toddler or tot-click ordered the couch. For sure. It was a couch. For $430, it is tufted grey. Tufted grey? There is no photo of the couch.

Oh, no, there is. Here we go. It's actually quite a nice couch. Oh, okay. It's got, like, is that like a quilted back? Like, it's very kind of Victorian. Yeah, the arms. Rolled arms. Yeah, the rolled arms are quite nice.

I don't like the legs on it. I mean, what are the rest of their interior decorating vibe going for, though? Well, it doesn't say. As you say, Victorian chic. Yeah. It doesn't say, but yeah. Because what did you hand? Do you hand over your phone to your kids?

Yes. That's dangerous, eh? Yeah. Yeah. It is, but... Because what if they accidentally post a photo on your Facebook? I mean, they're at the age now where they probably wouldn't do that, would they? But when they were younger, maybe.

Put a photo on... Oh, they could totally do that. Yeah, they could totally do that. What do you do with your nudes? I don't have any nudes. Sadly, I've moved well out of that realm. No nudes. What are you going to do with your nudes when you have kids?

Well, I've got them in a locked folder. Lorenz will be very judgmental of Mother's nudes. Mother, the lighting on this nude does nothing for your vagina. Now, I've been reading on how to light a vagina selfie or a vajelfie, as we call them. Get one of those selfie lights. Yeah, we've got the light ring. Euphemism not intended.

Come on, Mother, come with me. We'll get this taken care of. Come on, Mother. We'll get Father back in the... Because Lorenz wants a little brother or sister. You don't have to call your first son Lorenz. It's got to happen. It simply has to happen. Like one touch purchasing like Versace

and stuff. Andrew comes screaming and he's like, Megan, what the hell have you bought? And Lorenz is like, guilty as charged. It was me. I won't let mother take the heat on this one, father. But I simply must... I quite like Lorenz. I think he let mother take the heat on this one, father. But I simply must... I quite like Loritz. I think he's a sassy bitch. He is a sassy bitch.

I simply had to have those Versace sliders. Sliders. Slides. You have to give burgers. Oh my god, they're great. Because you can have heaps of burgers and try all different flavours. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. There's been a study that's looked into

young people's sex life in general and there's a surprising stat that's come out of this So one in five young people are wearing their ear pods while they have sex Can't be me because I don't have

ear pods And I don't have sex So that's us out of the equation I don't have ear pods. And I don't have sex, so that's us out of the equation. Do the producers have ear pods where Caitlin, you don't. James, you're not an ear pod, nah. I've thought about it, but they're real

expensive, eh? Because I've got my current headphones that I have to plug in, and then I've got my wireless gym ones, so I've got enough. They're like $400. Good lord. I thought they were $200. And got enough. They're like $400. Good lord. I thought they were $200. And then if you... Are they $400?

Well, I think the latest ones... Oh. Are they? Or like $300. $400 to look that stupid. They would be handy. $279. Oh yeah, so close.

Oh yeah, double, Caitlin. That's mad. See, I initially thought they... Like, everyone thought they looked a bit stupid, but now I'm kind of... They still look stupid. I think they look stupid. I think I'd try. It looks like you're constantly on Bluetooth or something.

I don't know. Yeah, we were very judgmental of, like, businessmen who drove around with a Bluetooth headset on, and now we're not anymore. Yeah. No, I think we are still of the businessmen. But AirPods More accepted Right But okay

So during It doesn't specify Like it doesn't say I think they're And both of them Are in your ears So you're not sharing Like one for me

One for you It's not that You've literally got Your AirPods in While it's happening What are you listening to? A podcast? I hope not

I hope it's like music to get you in the mood. And you're in the middle of it and you're like, did you consign and then actually kill that girl in that park? Okay, don't be listening

to true crime podcasts during... Unsaid. Say when you're pretending to... Pan. And by the way, that's being made into an HBO. Oh, it's something else to watch

during sex, I suppose. Yeah. Because you know, like during CPR, it's supposed to be staying alive by the Bee Gees. Are you listening to something for a little bit of rhythmic assistance?

They have specified one genre of music as the most popular if you want to have a guess. That System of a Down song. Wake up. I'm starting to put a little makeup. Done.

I'm starting to put a little makeup. Yeah, it's that one. I'm starting to put a little makeup. And then it's over in 10 seconds. You're lucky if you make the I don't think we dress. What was it? Chopsticks.

Here in my So I'm just Starting Turn about a little bit guys. You're so Hamilton. You're so Hamilton. I love it. That is love making music. Anywhere south of the Bombays. 66.3%.

Classical. Baroque. No. Baroque. Baroque. Baroque. No, no, that's Bach. Oh, Bach.

Baroque is a type of classical music. Oh, okay, right. I was like, what are you saying? I've never heard of that. No, it's country music. Really? A bit of Old Town Road. I'm going to take my horse to the Old Town Road.

I'm going to ride till I can no more. That's because that's fishing. And then you hit the Billy Ray part and it's over. I'd're lucky. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Hello there. Today, retailers can no longer give you single-use plastic bags. If they do, they can be fined up to $100,000.

That's a massive fine. If you had a little dairy, what do you give people when they take away at your cafe? Just paper bags. Little paper bags. Little paper bags, yeah. Because I saw the supermarket countdown where it's stocking the big paper bags for 20 cents. Yep. Supermarkets must be laughing, eh?

Because they're selling all these reusable bags. And like a paper bag, 20 cents. Come on. Five. Four. Five on. Five. Four. Five cents. Four. Two. Two.

I feel like, come on. Let's put it down into the area, into the region of currency that doesn't exist anymore. Yeah, I'm buying your overpriced produce and food. Like, come on. And like, what does it take to make paper? Trees. Just a little tiny leaf, Megan, I think. All right. Yeah, it's hardly anything. Just trees. leaf, Megan, I think. Oh, right.

Yeah, it's hardly anything. Just trees. So, I mean, we're cutting down more trees because we're using more paper now. Wish it a prayer. Yeah. The top six things to do

with your leftover plastic bags if you're a retailer. Number six, melt them down and repurpose them as glad wrap. Still entirely legal to sell. Still entirely legal to sell a roll of glad wrap.

Is there an option that's not glad wrap? Because if I reheat some food, that's like all I have to soak. What is the non-glad wrap option? Oh, well, like if you're putting it in your fridge, you can get those wax, those wrap, what are they actually called? Beeswax. Beeswax.

There's a New Zealand company that makes them. But can you microwave those? Nah, because the wax, that's what, in the fridge it works because the coal makes the wax go hard. Just put a paper towel over it when you microwave it. Well, that's a good idea. So cut down trees instead of the plastic. Okay, cool.

Because that melts. Yeah. I've never seen a dolphin choking on a chuck's wipe. A paper chuck's wipe. Not those material chuck's wipes. Totally chokeable. Okay. Totally chokeable.

Number five on the list of the top six things to do with your leftover plastic bags if you're a retailer. Build a sale for your car to dodge the three cent a litre petrol increase that comes in today. Across the board,

this is a... Texinda, what's happening? Yeah, three cents. I didn't know about this. I would have filled up yesterday.

Three cents a litre. Yeah, where was that warning yesterday? Like from midnight last night? No, I just think yeah, it's just done. Well, hopefully some.

I mean, it would be unlike petrol stations to rush a price increase and probably tap one off on themselves as well. Yeah, true. One for you and one for me. Number four on the list of the top six things to do with your leftover plastic bags if you're a retailer. Colour them green and sell them as those seaweed snacks. Very.

Yeah. Very plastic baggy pasties. I love those. Ugh. Those are gnarly. Gnarly. Yeah, they're so yum. Yeah. Really? Very Yeah Very plastic I love those Those What are they Nori Yeah they're so yum

Yeah I could eat a whole pack And then just be like There's my salt intake For the next month Yeah And your mouth's like Number three on the list

Of the top six things To do with your leftover Plastic bags If you're a retailer Hold on to them Until October And sell them As Halloween masks

To scare children On what ghastly things we used to carry our groceries in. You just put them over your head. Yeah. Tie it. Tie it. Tie it. Yep. Don't do that.

Cut an ear hole. Thank you, Megan, for explaining to listeners that they shouldn't put a plastic bag over their head. No, you're doing this to do it. Don't. Don't do that. It's silly. Okay. Don't put plastic bags over your head.

It's probably a good thing about getting rid of them. You can't suffocate yourself with a paper bag. This is true. It goes soggy. Your tongue would sit against that and it would rip because it's soggy. All pros so far. Number two on the list of the top six things to do with your leftover plastic bags if you're a retailer. Just shove them all in a box and write on the

box, bin liners. Again, completely illegal to sell bin liners. I know. I wonder if that's a loophole. Can I have my groceries in a bin liner? Yes. You could. With a drawstring bag. The supermarket self-serve checkouts could just be rubbish bins. Yes. And then you put all your stuff in there. Yeah.

And then carry it out. So you can't give us bags to put our groceries in, but you can sell them to us. Correct. Okay. Yeah. And those are truly single-use plastic bags because they just get used once. Yeah. They're rubbish and they're chucked in the ground for eternity.

And number one on the list of the top six things to do with your leftover plastic bags if you're a retailer, pack them into the walls of your rental property as cheap insulation because you've got to have that done by today too. So you just drill a hole and just start pushing plastic bags in. And you'll know from that drawer you used to have three down that was bulging at the seams with plastic bags. You can fit quite a few in a gap.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just keep poking them and then just seal the hole. And if you need help with how to do that, go and see that sexy how-to DIY stand guy at... Mitre 10. At Mitre 10, yeah. Just drool in front of the screen that he's on in school.

It's not a piece of meat, Vaughan. You've got to stop. I had reports over the weekend that the ladies at the Mitre 10 head office love it when he comes in. Love it. Love it. It sounds like you'd love it too. I would love it. Yeah.

Everybody's got a wonky desk when Stan the DIY guy comes in. Stan, just bend over and check that back leg, will you? Oh, that's a tool belt. That is today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. There is a new app that people are using. Well, there's actually a few of these apps. It's a fertility app or a contraceptive app instead of using the pill. Now, the

example I have in this story is of someone who had tried multiple pills and the side effects were too much. Yeah. Migraines like often was the main issue. So she decided to quit the contraceptive pill

and she learnt about this app in particular to track her fertility. So her phone would tell her if she could have unprotected sex with her partner based where she is in her menstrual

cycle. Oh my. Now I don't, I mean I'm not a doctor or a scientist but I don't think this sounds legit. And you don't have a menstrual cycle. I don't have a menstrual cycle, but this does not sound trustworthy. Well, there is, there is like points. I mean, your menstrual cycle is pretty solid. It varies just a few days between women.

But like, there's still no guarantee, you know? There's like percentages for this time and then there's a few days when it's very likely or like not very likely, but you know, like most. An app doesn't stop your swimmers reaching the egg, does it? No. They also survive longer than like one day. Yeah, they can last in there a little bit.

Yeah. Some of them are real beer grillsy. Some of them just get to the wall and give up immediately, but some of them are very persistent. They've made a bivouac by the river. They're drinking their own urine. They've lit a little fire in the fallopians. I don't know.

I'm just going to wait this out. Yeah, so this woman has like, obviously, she doesn't get migraines anymore, and that's awesome. She doesn't have the side effects from the contraceptive pill. But couldn't you try other options like? Condoms. Yeah, condoms. An IED.

Famously. An IED. EUD. IUD. IUD. A-I-G. E-U-I. Yeah, ACC.

NBA. T-A-B. KFC. I don't want to help you. I just wanted to let you go with it. It's awesome, KFC. Because if you eat enough KFC, you don't actually feel like doing it anymore. wanted to let you go with it. It's awesome KFC. Because if you eat enough KFC, you don't actually feel like doing it anymore.

Isn't it IUD? And you can't grab each other because your hands are so straight. Yeah, that's an improvised explosive device. UIE. That's an insurance company, isn't it? IUD. IUD.

That's the one. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, there are other options. Also a DUI because then you'll go to jail and you can't do it, obviously. No, but I think it says a lot of millennials are looking to this because it's natural. Like, you're not putting something into your body. I mean, okay, well, what's your take on this? So my only problem with this is I know someone who was using this and is now pregnant.

So I mean, like, you won't get... Obviously not part of their life plan to be pregnant at this stage. This was not to avoid side effects. This was for contraceptive, like for contraception. And she now is pregnant. And that's okay. Does she have any regret? No, but

I mean, it wasn't planned. So, and the doctors have said look, this is, it's great again if you're suffering from side effects. However, it shouldn't be used. It shouldn't be relied on for birth control. Because, you know, the app, while it can help a lot of people, it's still not going to be entirely accurate. The phone is not part of your body.

Yeah, it's not like plugged. It's not plugged in. Don't you give temperature readings and everything? You can do. Yeah. Give temperature readings. Because I know there's those fertility apps that help you get pregnant,

that tell you when the best time is. So I'm guessing it's the same thing. It's like... You could do like an ovulation test and then if it was positive, don't do it. You don't want to do one of those every time though. Getting a bit frisky And you're like Just hold on a minute

I've got to go and do a little wee wee I'm a thing to tell me If I'm ovulating or not So you just Don't play with yourself Until I get back Because I'll get back And you'll be asleep

Just sit there and wait The New Zealand police Have visited What has been Labelled New Zealand's rudest cafe. Much like the old TV show Fawlty Towers. Yeah, except it's just the cafe. Just the cafe. Just the cafe. Yeah.

So the owners are Donald and Karen. And they've got a history in New Zealand of... They were filmed in 2016 having a fight over chips. Okay. With somebody who had purchased the chips. See, this would be me if I owned a cafe. Like, I don't know how you're nice to customers, Megan, if they're rude.

You just talk behind the back. Okay. One and a half stars on TripAdvisor. Now, that is so low that I'd be like, we've got to stop for a look if I was a tourist. What the heck? So we did stop there,'d be like, we've got to stop for a look. If I was a tourist, what the heck. So we did stop there, right? Yeah, we did. And I don't remember it being rude.

I remembered this woman specifically, but I don't remember her being overly rude. I was expecting it to be bad, because then it had a reputation, but she was just like not super friendly. That was all really. Because remember we were talking about what K-bar flavour to get, remember?

Oh, having a bit of banter, she didn't want anything to do with it. Yeah, she didn't. No, that's no time for it. So, they've had a visit, the latest visit's been from the police because they had an official police report. Someone reported them to the police. Well, for being rude? Yeah, for having a go at them

and yeah, making them feel unsafe in their place of business. Wow. And lots of reviews from these TripAdvisor reviews and everything, people saying what exactly happened there. There seems to be a lot of yelling, a lot of just pretty much, if you don't like it, don't buy it, piss off sorts of yelling. Yeah. A lot of just pretty much if you don't like it, don't buy it, piss off sorts of situations.

We asked you on our Instagram account if anybody had ever had any running. Somebody said, I was going tramping, realised we forgot toilet paper and Nick uplifted some from the bathroom. Oh, well, that would be why she's so grumpy. That's why she'd be very grumpy at you, Kate, dragging the rest of us down with your shenanigans of stealing toilet paper. Some other reviews on the site, somebody said that we didn't even get to see what the food was like

because we were told there was no coffee and they certainly didn't do breakfast. I'm just reading some of the TripAdvisor. Is the owner perhaps the mother of the devil? So extremely rude and unfriendly. I can't believe why this cafe exists. How can they survive? I will never visit this cafe again.

Because it's not ironically so. Like, it's not for fun. Someone says best pies in New Zealand, full stop. Oh, really? Right, right. Well, maybe they're making you earn the pie. Yeah, it's like no frills service, you know? Just go in there.

Well, they actually placed fifth and second in the 2012 and 2000. So in 2013 at the New Zealand Supreme Pie Awards, they got second in the cafe section of pies. Right. So they know their way around a bit of pastry and a pie mold and some slop to chuck in the middle. There's no doubt about that. Oh, Retired Will Travel 19 on TripAdvisor says,

We were a group of elderly ladies passing through and stopped for lunch. We were taken back by the rudeness of the old man and woman who obviously have no people skills. What? I am so... Has anyone looked into like, what's up with them? You know, are they okay? I made the mistake of parking in their car park because the kids wanted to see the giant donut in the park next door.

After that, we planned to stop into the cafe for a bite, but the two of them actually chased us away. They abused us and swore at us for parking in their massive empty car park until we drove off. Didn't we park in there? Yeah, we vowed never to return. That's good stuff. You don't need to cuddle.

Actually, quite a few of these are quite funny. On Trip Advisor, one and a half. Maybe they should move into other areas. Like high country farming where they don't actually have to see anybody else. And then they can just be angry at sheep. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Well, last night, producer Caitlin, it was indoor netball night.

That's an odd night for indoor. I've played indoor cricket on a Sunday. Sometimes it's not fun. Yeah, we don't usually. It was actually in the afternoon, which was a lot better. But it was actually our final. And it was the second to last team versus us, the last team. It was a playoff for the last spot.

Yeah, we lost. I actually had to rope in producer James. He was actually really good. He showed me up. Is this a ZM indoor netball team? No, it's Maddie McLean's team. Oh, thank goodness, because we can't be putting our company brand on a no team

yeah well there was only three of the original teammates there and everyone else were ringings so i actually blame the ring and how did james go how's james very good very good shot very sore as well oh because you've been doing a lot of lunging a lot of lunging a lot of jumping as well yeah see i got put a shooter because always no one wants to go shooter. Yeah. And how'd you go? I think I got two in. Pretty good. He got a two-pointer from outside the circle. I got three of our nine points.

Wait, you played a whole game of indoor netball and got a nine? Excuse me. How many points did the other team get? 30. Right? Hey, we were having fun at social netball. We did have fun. You were fresh by the second to last week.

Okay, all right. They were reallyash by the second to last week. They were good. They were really good. Don't tell Matty because he'll tell us off when he gets back. Yeah, Matty would have had you all. Yeah. But. It was the embarrassing moment that happened at the end of the game that we wanted to talk about now.

Because I think you wouldn't be alone here. I think people would have been in this situation before. Well, so netball, as James just mentioned, is very physical. Like it's a physical game. There's lots of pushing and shoving, always falling over. People hurt themselves. Oh, that's ruthless. One of our team members dislocated his shoulder, Ryan, so that was why he was out.

So, anyway. Do you still have to trim your nails? Yes. Yep. Can't go on the court with long nails. Side note, they have their own, like, clippers there. I wouldn't use those. I know. It's connected to a string we just saw that last night i'd want to boil that in a jug it's like a pen at the bank it's like yeah at the thing yeah at least you don't have to touch the pen on your yeah anyway i guess you do touch it

but not okay yeah um so towards the end you always go and shake the other team members um hands so you're like good game and sometimes you put in like a, this particular person I went up to and I said, great shooting because she was a really good shoot. And then as we smiled and shook hands, she limped off and I was like, are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?

And she stood up and looked at me and she's like, no, why? And I was like, oh, you're limping. She's like, that's just how I walk. And I was like, oh, no. There's the hole I want to crawl in it. And then what did you say? I was like, great game.

And then you ship someone else a thing. Oh, no. I know, guys. Yeah, I feel awkward just with the retelling of that. It's... But you weren't to know because you've never seen her before. You've never seen her outside of... I mean, you played a whole game with her.

Yeah. You might have thought she was... Limping. Limping pre the game, but she just couldn't let her team down on a Sunday Arvo. Yeah, and I didn't want to, like... You know, I thought I was being nice and being like, are you okay?

Do you need some assistance? James tripped you up when he was, you know. So yeah, it was very awkward. I didn't see. And then I tried to like look and see. Yeah, but she was still limping. Awkward. Yeah.

I think we've all done it. I used to know someone Who had a A mark on their tooth And one day I said You've got lipstick on your teeth Just because like Yeah That's

You want to be told right It's like you've got something Green in your teeth Yeah of course I didn't make a big like Song and dance about it I was like hey you've got Lipstick

And they were like Oh thanks But then later on I saw it And I was like And someone said No that's That's it That's just a permanent mark on their teeth.

That's a mark on their teeth. God, I'm so stupid. But I think they'd be used to that. Yeah. And you don't want to meet someone the first thing you do, like, hi, it's nice to meet you. The thing on my tooth is permanent. Don't worry about telling me at a later date

that I've got lipstick on my teeth. But it's like people with birthmarks that look like hickeys. Yeah. Yeah. Or like a birthmark that makes it look like you've just fallen off a bike or been in a fight.

Oh, what happened? What happened there? Did you get in a punch up? Yeah, I was born with it. That's how I look like 24-7. Yeah. Thanks for that. Yeah, but I think

you just have to get used to it. I mean, it would suck, sure, but... Yeah. I've got one would suck, sure, but. Yeah. I've got one eye, look at the photo. I've got one eye that shuts a little bit more than the other one. I'm so glad you pointed that out. And I know about it.

I know about it. And I actually say to people now when we're getting photos done or whatever, for work, I'll be like, oh, tell me if one of my eyes is shutting a bit more and I can concentrate it open. Oh, bless. You just look so old. I'll be like, oh, tell me if one of my eyes is shutting a bit more and I can concentrate it open. Oh, bless. You just look so old-fashioned. No, I've got a wonky smile. I think I got it when it was like Paris Hilton had one.

It was all the rage in the mid-2000s. They couldn't lift that up and post something. There's a whole team of Photoshop experts on level one. Yeah, they widened my teeth, but they didn't like correct it. Yeah, right. Correct it slightly. Like, look at that half. That's a handsome half.

I mean, it sits alone by itself wonderfully. We've all got a good half. Don't worry about that. But at least that's not something no one's going to go to you every day. Hey, you know, what's up with your wonky eye? Yeah. Because it's not really white. It's just like a partial.

Where I have to put a fake photo smile. Yeah. Just, I think it's the pain manifesting itself. And it's been like, I hate having these photos taken. Shut that eye a little bit. Well, I think this morning, could we take some calls from people that are in this boat? Like something unique about them. Yeah, you've got something unique and people always comment about it.

Maybe it's a birthmark or something. Or a limp. Whatever. And people always comment about it and you just have to dealmark or something. Or a limp. Whatever. And people always comment about it and you just have to deal with it. And how do you deal with it? Like, should Caitlin feel bad? No, Caitlin wasn't.

I don't think so. Like, she was making a genuine inquiry as to somebody's... She had concerns for someone's wellbeing. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. 0800 DARS at M 9696. What's unique about you that people always comment on? Alright, we'll take your calls your text messages get them in In about 20 minutes

Producer Caitlin will be live from the unveiling of the new All Blacks jersey this morning with Spoiler alert It's black It's black and it'll have three stripes

somewhere on it because it's Adidas So she'll have hopefully some All Blacks on the phone depending on how that goes but last night at a game of Indoor Netball she made the embarrassing faux All Blacks on the phone, depending on how that goes. But last night at a game of indoor netball,

she made the embarrassing faux pas of commenting on someone's... Well, no, she said, are you okay? After the netball game, she thought they'd sustained an injury, but it's just a limp. This person has a full-time limp. This is somebody's message in saying they smashed their femur as a 12-year-old. Okay. Now the leg didn't grow while it was pinned and plated,

so now there's one leg that's a little bit shorter than the other, and I've got a permanent lump, and I get asked about it daily. If Caitlin was making a genuine inquiry, that's on the far nicer end of the scale. What? So someone would say something that wasn't? Well, no, I don't know. Maybe just being like, what happened?

Rather than, are you okay? Yeah, right, okay. I'm not too sure. Right, so we want to know this morning. What is something unique about you that people always comment on? Joanne, good morning. Good morning, how are you? Good, good, thanks.

So what do people say to you? I actually have Tourette's syndrome, and my tick is that I cough and sniff a lot. Okay. It comes and goes, but I've had a few instances where it's either, oh, you've got that cough going around or you must be, you know, or you've got smoker's cough, or I've been yelled at twice in the cinema to shut up. That's terrible.

And I cried both times. I don't know why, but I just can't help it. Because that's what a lot of people don't realise. Tourette's can manifest itself in a whole lot of ways, right? The tics aren't. Swearing's the one that everybody's probably the most aware of. Yeah, I always get the swear as well. It's like, no, it came when I was in primary school.

I used to wink and blink a lot, and then I used to throw my head back, and then it just progressively got worse and worse. And then I got put on medication, and nothing really worked, and now it's just the coughing and sniffing. So all that you've got now is the coughing and the sniffing? Pretty much, yeah.

I can't believe that someone would yell at someone in the cinema for coughing. And my last workplace wanted to soundproof the walls around me so that others weren't disturbed. We just want to lock you in a room. Wow. I got moved to the corner of the office because someone in the office complained that it was annoying then. Well, if I was going to get my own office built for me,

I'd demand a few things like a spa pool, a mini bar, a bar fridge. Yeah. I guess because I don't really pick up on it anymore. I just don't notice I'm doing it. No, you wouldn't, right. Wow, okay. Joanne, thank you so much for your call. Matt, what do people always say to you?

When I was 14, I walked into the corner of an aluminum joinery window. Oh, jeez. Right in the centre of my head, I have a lovely little lump, which commonly gets referred to as my nipple. And I get mates come up to me and telling me my nipple's out, I can see my nipple. I've had mates come up and rub my head and play with it and go, oh, your nipple's nice. See, these are your mates,

but what about, like, do strangers say anything? I give the odd person a look at it and sort of want to ask what happened, and it's a long story when you tell someone I walked into, you know, a lemon jewelry window and it cracked my skull and all that stuff that sticks out is probably my brain. What is the bump made of?

I don't know. It's quite soft. I can sort of push it back inside my head. Have you actually had that properly checked out? Yeah, have you had that looked in?

Is there a doctor who would be like, we can sort that out for you? I've lived with it most of my life and I'm now rocking a Vaughan Smith with the old

no hair on the head but everywhere else on the body. Right, right. It sticks out like the proverbial but I've lived with it since I was 14

and I'm 42 now so I probably just got a full unicorn. That's you. It's just part of me. You're a unicorn, Matt. You can be a unicorn, yeah. Yeah.

You can do a unicorn. Brilliant. It started to grow and it didn't go any further. Yeah, yeah. Brilliant. Hey, Matt, thank you so much

for your call. Ask some text messages. Somebody said they've got a birthmark on the side of their face near their eye. Get asked all the time what happened. One lady also told me that my eye makeup has gone everywhere. I say, no, no, no, that's just my face. They're horrified, but it always makes me laugh. There's like a nicer way to say that.

Your eye makeup's gone everywhere. But I think if someone was going to be so upfront and rude, I would quite take pleasure in saying to them, oh, actually, that's just my face. Yeah. And then just watching them like... If someone's a dick about it, then yeah, I'd love to rub it in. Somebody else said they've got a freckle on their upper lip

and they've been with their partner for eight years. And he said to them the other day, you've got a little chocolate on your lip. And they were like with their partner for eight years. And he said to them the other day, you got a little chocolate on your lip. And they were like, are you serious? You've been looking at my face for eight years. And you're just like, oh, you got a little summer on your face there, love. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. How Pizza's doing what How Pizza does best.

And whipping up a storm with what they've done most recently. It's been a while since they've whipped up a storm. Like back in the day, I feel like they were always doing stuff like this. Yeah, but then like people like Israel Folau come out and they're actual pieces of rubbish. And so it's harder and harder to struck a real mark in the market anymore by upsetting people.

Yeah. So Hell Pizza apparently released a pizza called the Burger Pizza. And on that, it was loaded with chunks of medium rare beyond meat burger patty, smoked cheddar, honey mustard, red onion rings. Red onion rings. Not just rings. And gherkin. It sounds delicious.

It's like a cheeseburger. The issue was that someone uncovered that Beyond Meat is actually not meat. It's not a burger patty made out of minced miscellaneous animal pieces. It's actually a meat substitute. Faux meat, if you will. It says in the description, Beyond Meat, in capitals, trademark. Burger patty. But then you have to know what Beyond Meat is. I don't know what Beyond Meat is, but I can gather from that that it's like a company or some kind of product.

So they do. It's a meat substitute. So they introduced this for a while. Didn't tell anybody. Unless, of course, you did some digging. Yeah. And this was a stunt. People't tell anybody, unless, of course, you did some digging. Yeah. And this was the stunt. People were eating what they thought was meat.

But they weren't. But they technically weren't misleading anyone because you go to their website. If you read into it, yes. It's well listed what it is, I would have thought. It's beyond meat. The dangers of it, people are saying, is that it wasn't spelt out enough.

Right. But then if you had an allergy, wouldn't you always check before you ate anything? Yeah. At a takeaway place? But if you'd eaten burgers there before. Well, burger pizzas. Burger pizzas, yeah. Oh, yeah, pizzas.

If you'd eaten pizzas from there before and you knew that it was an allergy-free situation. Sure. I mean, I'm not imagining it's one of the massive allergies, but this is from the Beyond Meat burger patty that had their little breakdown of what's in it. This is from their official thing with their ingredients. Underneath it, it says pea protein isolates. Apparently the big thing in it. Peas are legumes and people with severe allergies to legumes, like peanuts,

which is a serious one, should be cautious when introducing pea protein into their diet because of the possibility of a pea allergy. Yeah, but they gave away free EpiPens

with every pizza. Oh, did they? Yeah, so it's fine. Was everyone getting an EpiPen? We're like, what's this for? Yeah, and just for shits and gigs

just later, just be like, just give yourself a little bit of a boost to get through a Friday. To get through the clubs. Yeah. But that's the controversy that they're facing. See, I think they spelled it out enough. It was obviously a product.

And I think if you didn't know what it was, you'd be like, what's beyond me? You'd ask them at least. Yeah, so I think it's quite a good prank from them. Quite a good publicity stunt. But there's the danger of you've got to spell out. I'm not against the faux meaty product. Well, it's the future. You know, in 10 years, we could all be eating this.

Yeah, 100%. In terms of saving the planet. Good on you. Yeah. And that's all good, but I was just more of the opinion, you've really got to, like, say it, don't you? Yeah, yeah. A bit more than just putting the name in the title

that has meat in it. because if someone like fed you fake meat and you loved it you'd be like Oh no, I've tried it I do like it. Right.

That's definitely not the issue because I have tried the mint stuff and it was really good. I don't know if it was there beyond meat that did it but I have tried one of them but it was, it was good.

I'm still waiting for some good fake ribs or chicken wings. There's good chicken nibbles. Have you had the chicken nibs? No. Fake chicken nibbles. Yeah, there's lots of fake chicken.

But I need the bone. I need to suck it off the bone. There needs to be if someone can invent a fake bone. Yeah. Fake chicken. Imagine they 3D print out

fake chicken bones just so we can have chicken wings. And then when you're finished you take it back for a 10 cent refund. And they just like give them a really hot wash

and use it again. Because what, come 2050 And they just like give them a really hot wash. Yeah. Because what, come 2050, all the beaches will be washing up with plastic. Plastic bones. Chicken bones. It's like, yeah, it'll be like swapper crates back in the day. You finish the beer, you take them back, they wash them out, they use them again. Yeah.

I sure hope this pre-recorded laughing isn't after something inappropriate to laugh at. But I just want to take a moment to say thanks to Spark for sponsoring the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. You can grab Spark's $29 prepaid rollover packs and get stacks of extra value. Back to the podcast. Well, the Rugby World Cup at the end of the year is happening. Is it a couple of months away now? A couple and a bit? A couple and a bit.

A couple and a bit. A couple and a bit. No, it's away. Say it in a deep voice and it sounds like you know what you're talking about. September. September, right? October. July, August.

It's not that far away. 21st of September. One of the big parts of a World Cup and just any All Black season is the unveiling of a new jersey. All fitted out with the most mod of tech when it comes to fabrics. It's not the 1980s anymore. It's not a long-sleeved black cotton or the white trim. That is for sure.

Yeah. And joining us on the phone, she's got a long history of all-black jersey reveals and getting us the best all-blacks interviews from being on the ground and having such an approachable face is our very own producer, Caitlin. Good morning. Hi, guys.

How is the atmosphere down there at the All Black Jersey unveiling? And how black is this new jersey? Guys, I'm not there yet. I'm not actually at the venue, okay? You left at 10 past 12. Yes, Fletch, look. Okay, do you want me to tell you what actually happened or do you want me to lie to you?

Tell me what actually happened. Last you want me to lie to you? Tell me what actually happened. Last year, I'm going to cry. Last year, the unveiling of the rugby jersey was at Newmarket. Yep. So I went to Newmarket. Because that's the Andy Das store. Yes, so I went to Newmarket, guys. The opening this year is at Britomart.

I said it was at Britomart. Oh, for Christ's sake. I said it was at Britomart. Oh, for Christ's sake. I said it was, when you said it's all the way in Newmarket, Fletch and I were like, weird, because when I read,

and very rarely I'll read something, it's at Britomart. And we said, Britomart. And you said, no, no, Newmarket. You're the producer of this show and you've got this far.

Please, I don't know. And look, you know that traffic on a Monday morning goes really effing slow? Like, I am... Well, especially if you go to Britomart via Newmarket, it's quite a slow way. Where are you?

You get online to work from Britomart every day and it takes two minutes. Yeah, look, Matt says I'm two minutes away. Look, I'm pulling in, I'm going to park on the footpath and I'm running in to get Sunnyvale. I'll get it, and I'm doing it, all right? What other stuff to do, though? We should all just wait for you.

Well, hang on. Let me just – can I park on the footpath outside Mexico? Where are you driving? I thought you were in an Uber. No, I'm driving because I thought that would be the quickest way. Look, I'm parking. I'm going to put the hazard lights on. No, no. Because then you're going to get tired. No, no would be the quickest way. Look, I'm parking. I'm going to put the hazard lights on. No, no.

No, no. Leave the hazard lights on. You're by Mexico. Yeah, I'm by Mexico. It's still another 200 metres. Is it that Adidas? Because there's two. I'm going to run. I'm running. You know that there's two Adidas stores.

Yeah, there is. There's a small one and then the bigger one. Is she heading to the bigger one? Yeah, it's in the old Huffer one. Is she heading to the bigger one? Yeah, it's in the old Huffer store. Is she going to the bigger one? There's Huffer moved down a couple of doors. I don't think she can park there. I'm just going to see where Sunnyville is. Sunny!

Okay, don't. You're definitely either going to get towed or get arrested. Hang on. Can you see people? Yeah. Wait, that's a... Oh, there's a night store. Shit.

Yeah, no, not them, Bavia. Why? The Adidas store is halfway. But there's two Adidas stores. Caitlin produces our show. What am I? She's an adult. She lives by herself.

It's a two. It's over. Guys. No, it's not that. Oh, yes, I see it. I see it. Okay. Look at this.

No, that one's bloody closed. Okay. Okay, you've got 200 metres. You know what? Don't know. You've wasted our time. Okay, I'll come back with Sunny Bell, guys. Okay.

Is she gone? Yeah, she's gone. Oh, she, guys. Okay. Is she gone? Yeah, she's gone. Oh, she's gone. Okay. Absolute disappointment. Let's go to Megan. Well, it's the unveiling today of the new All Blacks jersey at the Adidas store.

Not a new market in Auckland, but in... Britomart. And at one of their two Britomart stores, which I believe producer Caitlin has now found. I can't find it, guys. I can't find it. I can't find it. It's wetting.

Oh, my God, I found it. I found it. How could you not have found it two seconds ago and now you've found it? No, because, no way. No, that's not it. Oh, my God. Where are you right now, Caitlin? What are you,

what can you see? Caitlin, Caitlin, can you please share your location via Facebook Messenger? I feel we're about to lose you and we need to be able to trace exactly where you are. You sound like you're about to die. I'm outside Ace Colour. It's literally next

door. Yeah, but it's not's literally next door. It's not. It's not. Like, just walk up and down and do you see, like, an Adidas logo? Please, I can see it, but it's all, everything's blacked out. There's no one here. Oh, people are dying. Oh, my God. Oh, there's a cafe going through there.

I'm in an All Blacks unveiling and it's all blacked out. No one's hanging outside on the street. Oh, my God. Why? Guys, I'm going to the cafe. It's okay. I'm going to the cafe. Where are you going to the cafe?

Where's your car? Oh, that's been towed. I don't know. I left it back way ages ago. That's been towed. Okay. Okay, this is the one chance we've got to get an all black on the show, Caitlin. Come on right now.

Otherwise, that's it. You're coming home. And you're probably going to have to walk because your car's towed. Okay. I'm coming. I'm coming. Hello. This looks great.

Thank you. Hi. I'm here to interview some all blacks. I'm here to influence some all blacks. I'm late. Oh, my God. some All Blacks. I'm late. Oh, my God. Okay. Tell them why you're late.

Hello. Hello. Hello. I'm very late. This is going to be on the phone. Hello. Hello. Rico.

Hello, Rico. How are you? Good. I'm live on the radio. I'm so sorry I'm sweating. I thought this was over in the market, but it's, you know, pretty much. How do you like the new jersey? Yeah, it's awesome. Feels good. It looks great. So, yeah, I'm pretty stoked about it. Yeah.

Feels good on the body and everything, like, good to run in? Yeah, yeah, it feels. Obviously, we've had a couple of test wears, but, you know, seeing it for the first time and sort of under those bright lights, it looks cool. I could have actually done with one when I was running from over there. You're very handsome. I've actually got a boy this way, though, so I can't see you right now. But it was really nice to meet you.

And are you excited for Japan? Yeah, no, it should be awesome if we get the lucky opportunity to go. But, yeah, it's big time to get. Well, thank you so much, Rico. I'm loving the new shirt. It looks amazing and it sounds like it fits really well. So thank you so much. It was really nice to meet you.

Thank you. Thank you. Caitlin, have you seen the new jersey? No. Guys, everyone's looking at me and I'm, like, thank you. Caitlin? Yes? Have you seen the new jersey? No. Guys, everyone's looking at me and I'm like actually sweating. It was so not worth it. It was great. I didn't think it would get worse.

So well. And it got worse. Sorry, man, I've got a boyfriend. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Now, last week I purchased myself some lumber and that came in under budget, so I bought myself a drop saw. Now, that blew the budget out, as they do. Because you decided.

Because I am building a gate. Yeah, which we were all surprised about, weren't we? Yeah. There's this archway into the paddock and the goats are in the paddock and so at the moment I've just got this stuff lent up in the gap, blocking it all so the goats can't get through. Yeah. But it's not easy to open and close when you need to go out into the paddock.

Yeah. It's a rigmarole, as we say in the building industry. And so I thought I'm going to – I've talked to my dad about it and he was like, well, I'm busy and now he's overseas. And when he gets back, he's into carving. And it kind of dawned on me. I'm like, I'm a grown- ass man, I'll make my own gate. So I looked up how to make a gate and I decided if I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it

properly. So I did those joints where you cut out like half of the wood from one bit and half of the wood from the other and then it sits flat at about the width of the same bit of wood. There's a name for those. Which is? Can't remember. Can't remember but there There's a name for those. Which is? Can't remember. Can't remember, but there is definitely a name. So the gate's been built to the point where I'm about to put on the, I've made

the diagonal bits for extra strength. I've got some support plates. It looks legit, doesn't it, Megan? You've seen the photo. Oh yeah, it does look legit. But here's where the gate update great debate starts, is on. Because Fletch, I sent Fletch a photo of what I planned to do,

and he said, no, you've got to have gaps between the wood on your gate. I'm a fan of a gate. I'm a fan of a gate. So this is between the palings on the front of the gate. Why do you want a gap? That Fletch thinks it needs gaps. I think it looks better with gaps. No. Vaughn sent a photo with gaps, and I said, I'm of the gate. Why do you want a gap? That Fletch thinks it needs gaps. I think it looks better with gaps.

No. Vaughn sent a photo with gaps and I said, I'm for the gaps. So Fletch is gaps. Sade is anti-gaps. I'm anti-gaps. Sade doesn't want gaps. Have you seen a photo with the gaps? No.

But I'm... I don't have a photo with the gaps. I'm kind of torn. Another group of mates, I put it to them. They said the gapped gate, the gapped look has a slightly more rural feel to it. Yeah, it does. It does. No, you're a rural sheik, not just rural, rural.

Well, somebody said the wind will be an issue as it will catch the wind. I said that. Yeah, I know, but then there's the archway and hedge either side, so the wind will find a way without being too hard on the gate. Shouldn't you go with what your wife? Should. But I've learnt nothing from my years of marriage so far as Megan. It's tested.

What did your wife say? Gaps or no gaps? She no gaps. She wants no gaps. Have you put this on Instagram? No, I haven't yet. I was thinking we could do a little bit of a vote on the show Instagram. Yeah.

Because I think we'll put it up in the next couple of minutes. Yeah. I think people are going to love the gap. The gap looks. If you do gaps, you can see your diagonal bits behind it. That's true. I don't like that. And I wouldn't mind because some people would see the diagonal bits

and be like, great work on the additional strut strength there. And I'd be like, yeah, cheers, mate. Built that gate. And then we could talk about the gate a bit more in my work building endeavour. I said this to a couple of people, including mum. Well, I know your mum's got great taste and your dad's a carpenter. A builder, yes. So I said, this is my WhatsApp to mum.

I said, ask dad what he thinks of Vaughan's gate that he made all by himself. And mum messaged back, apparently there's something wrong with how he's done the diagonal, but it will probably be okay. I don't know what I've done wrong with the diagonal. I messaged back to mum. I said wrong with how he's done the diagonal, but it will probably be okay. I don't know what I've done wrong with the diagonal. I messaged back to Mum. I said, oh, Vaughn's worried now. What's he done wrong?

And Mum said, we're out at the moment. I don't understand what he's trying to tell me. We're out. I can't possibly text you back. It's too loud. Shush. No, stop. I can't understand you. I'm not typing in the back.

You message him later. Ring him and tell him. Call him later. Your dad's like, I'm not bloody ringing him and telling him. Well, I mean, this gate's taken, what, five days to build so far. Oh, no, it's taken, like, well, I would have had it finished over the weekend. And too many breaks on this show. Oh, okay, cafe.

Keep it down. At least I'm not making any money off this gate. Lightly disguising it as an interesting talk topic. My brother's show. I am paying for that advertising. I'm caught now. Do I gap or no gap? Okay, well, you should.

No gap. The thing about the gaps look is it kind of hides the fact that I only paid for rough sawn. Ah, Megan's just seen a photo of the gaps and it looks way better. See, I only paid for rough sawn timber. Now that means it's not like, but see like when the gaps are there, you can see little bits. Okay. Little bits where the rough sawn timber is quite apparent. Are you going to paint it?

Are you going to paint it? No, I was going to stain it. Okay, maybe. We're going to put a photo on our Instagram, FVMZM and you've got to vote gaps or no gaps. I've changed my mind. Because this is the great gate debate. And yeah, I reckon gaps look way better. If you're going for a little

bit rustic, if you're not going to paint it. I reckon gaps is going to win 60-40 or even 70-30. Oh, okay. That's how confident I am with the gap look. Yeah, but also don't tell me what I've done wrong in the building because it's too late. I liquid nailed it.

It's got liquid nails on it. It's got screws and stuff as well, but I just wanted to liquid nails it as well. I don't want to fall in down. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Over the weekend, much thanks to the, what do you call it when your wife's got a stepfather, but unofficially?

Do I call him my stepfather-in-law? You have an argument and you say, you're not my real dad. You're not my real stepfather-in-law. Anyway, we replaced some bits of our roof. It's a bit of rust up there on the old roof. So when you say we. Yeah. Oh, no, I was crucial.

Right. I love being on a roof. Ever since I was a kid, I've always loved being on a roof. So when you say we, yeah. Oh no, I was crucial. Right. I love being on a roof ever since I was a kid. I've always loved being on a roof. Okay. And touch wood, never fallen off one.

Okay. Broken. I've jumped off one onto a trampoline. Never fallen through one. I've fallen through a couple, yeah, Megan. That's a fair call actually.

And like through ceilings. Did you ever as a kid go into the crawl space in your house and you'd step on the pink bat's part and you'd go through? Man, that was a good hiding.

They all went through. It was a good hiding. You only do that once. Ah, yes. Many fond memories of hidings I receive for stupid antics as a child. So we replaced some of the roof. Yep. Now, I learned a fair bit about roofing because to be fair, I went into this knowing nothing.

Question. Answer possibly. Do you say roofs or rooves? Roofs. Okay. Do you? roofs or rooves? Roofs Okay Do you? Yep I think so

I just said roofing Avoid the plural Okay So one thing I learnt is that you know how Oh is it stand on the nails? Always stand on the nails Always stand on the nails because otherwise you'll fall through Yeah because that's where the things are

The wood bits Joists I don't know No I don't think so fall through. Yeah, because that's where the things are. The wood bits. Joists? I don't know. No, I don't think so. Joists? So, there was that. Learned that. Kind of knew that from my wanderings on a roof

as a youth. So, one of the other things is I learned that the screw that holds it down, nails previously replaced now with screws. Do you not screw? I thought they were nails. no so there's nails old days nails but now you use those tech screws okay that you can get doing with a drill and no not a nail gun and they've got those um big heads on them and they fit them in a drill and drills down into it oh fun so one thing I learned is that they always go on the high point because if you put them on the low point the rain runs in them well obviously I never thought about oh okay so and you can't stand on the bit

because it didn't it dents yeah you can't when you walk across the roof stand on the raised bits because it'll dent so I'm learning lots okay if it's corrugated iron I don't know where you walk because it's all up and down up and down so one of the things I did was when it came to putting the tech screws in, you'll remember I said you put those in with a drill and a drill bit, you put it in and it goes down into it. I would get ambitious with my new drill because it was too powerful and it would go

and drill down so far that you would, the screw would keep yum, yum, yum, yum on the screw and I just want to get as far into this wood as I can and it won't stop. Yeah, right. And the roof is like, it's Nana going,

oh, have one more. And so the tin bends in. Oh my God. When you over screw because the screw will just push and again, the powerful drill, I should have turned that down and it was like, and it would be like, oopsie. And Pete would say, careful, don't undo it.

And then put a bit of silicon in there because that'll fix everything to do with roofs. Okay. How many times would you hear, oopsie, careful? I'm sorry. How many times did I say that? Yeah. Quite a few. Yeah.

I mean, luckily it's your roof. Yeah. He doesn't care. Yeah. He's like, yeah. So that, I overcame it by the end because I take it a bit slower. But apparently that's just a roofing rookie thing. For anyone that starts in roofing, they are the only.

Well, not anybody, but if you're going to make that mistake, it's the mistake you make on your first week. You don't kind of carry it through. Yeah. The overdoing it and the putting the little dent in the roof. But again, have you jumped up on your roof and checked that the roof is doing a good job? No, because no one looks at it until it's leaking. This is true.

So silicon to save the day. But I was wondering, in your line of work, if you're listening now, 0800-ZM or you can text 9696. In your line of work, what's a sure sign of a rookie? Like what's a mistake that someone will make just in the very early days?

Any line of work. It doesn't need to be like something with screws and stuff. No, no, no. It doesn't need to be. I mean, what about radio? What's a radio rookie mistake for rookies that come in? Leaving the microphone on? Yes. Yeah. We still do that though. We still do that.

That happens now and then. We've had some good ones over the years. Saying the wrong time No no Fletch still does that all the time Regularly Taking the radio station off air

That'll happen That can still Oh no Fletch Well no to be fair We all did that last week Because we were watching the cricket And the song just finished They'll do that

Pesky wee song Absolute rocky mistake Songs that end They're getting shorter and shorter. So your industry, but then like I was just thinking like what about in the hairdressing industry? But people do courses so they shouldn't be. Yeah but

they'd still make a mistake. Still make a rookie mistake. Yeah maybe. Okay so in your industry, what are the rookie mistakes? Oh 800,000. Maybe you've had a rookie or a newbie come to work and they've made an absolute mistake and you've had a rookie or a newbie come to work, and they've made an absolute mistake, and you've had a good laugh. Share it with us.

We're talking about the rookie mistakes that people make in your industry, in your job. Vaughan made a rookie roofing mistake at the weekend. Overtightening and putting dents in the roof. That'll bloody do it. That'll bloody do it. Yeah, okay. Well, luckily, it's your house.

Yeah. Somebody said Oh good to hear you're using tech screws Somebody messaged Yeah a little bit of chat there Sorry I've got a question Are they the ones with the You know there's Phillips head

Which is the cross Yeah And then there's flat head Which is just one line screws Yeah Are they the square ones Oh is that flat head Oh no the ones we used

Looked more like a bolt. Because where do you get the drill bit or the screwdriver? I've got a set with some squares in it. Because I've got some of those at my house. I'm like, why would you do that to me? Because it doesn't burr as easily. What does that mean? Like, you know, when you try to get a Phillips head out

and you screw your thing. And then I've just got a circle. Yeah. And I can't get it out. Well, these ones just don't do that because they're like a nut head. Well, I thought it was some kind of conspiracy theory to stop the average person like me

from being able to ever undo them. You know what the conspiracy theory was? The triangle-shaped screws, they use in McDonald's toys, so you couldn't get them open. Really? Ever noticed that? No.

Toys that come in Happy Meal, well, I can't speak for lately, but they used to have a triangle in them. Very hard to get those open because I want to see what's inside. Illuminati. Exactly. The Illuminati's inside. Listening devices.

Brainwave technology to make me be like, yes. It's all the chemtrails. Okay. Yeah. So what mistakes do rookies make in your industry? Should we start with some calls? We've got Vanessa. What's a rookie mistake someone makes in your industry?

Well, it was actually my rookie mistake. Oh, okay. I've been filling in for the last couple of weeks as a mobile mortgage manager. Okay. And I booked an appointment for five o'clock on a Friday. Oh, Vanessa. Vanessa. No.

Everyone at work's like, Vanessa, what have you done? It's Friday. We stop appointments at 9am. Yeah, well, they normally stop at about lunchtime. But they were like, you mean to tell someone you've already got an appointment booked? But I was, I don't know. I was just trying to do the good thing. It was on a Friday afternoon.

Amazing. All right. I hope they gave you a wine. Yeah. At the very least. Well, but you're a mobile. You work in the financial industry. Oh, you've got to drive.

Bloody cocaine at 2pm, I assume. Thanks for your call, Vanessa. Shelly, what's the rookie mistake people make in your industry? Shelly. Oh, hello. Hello. I was listening. I thought I was listening

to the radio for a second. I'm glad that whatever was on the radio was so captivating you forgot to talk. Go on, I'm listening. No, so our old receptionist who is not there anymore, she had been working with us for a couple of months and it was coming up to one of the busiest days of the year where we have in-house auctions and stuff like that

and she forgot to order paper for the three large printers that we have. Uh-oh. So we went to print off everything, like brochures and all that stuff, and there was like nothing, like not one piece of paper left in sight. So we stole some from downstairs. As you do. So the rookie mistake is not keeping an eye on the resources if you're in an admin role.

See, if I was in an admin role, I would just love ordering stationery because I love those stationery stores. You're a bulk orderer. I love a bulk order. Love my stationery. Thanks, Shelley. Some text messages. Some other text messages on the rookie mistakes.

Somebody said sexual health nurse. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. And on the first, just apologising profusely for everything that puts someone slightly awkwardly because it's like it takes twice as long. Yeah. When you're like, oh, my God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. And then you have to start all over again. So it's a bit awkward. You apologise on the go, apparently. Right. As you're getting in there? I don't know. So some other rookie mistakes.

When, as a makeup artist, when applying lipstick or a product to a client's face, there's a lot of mistakes that can be made. You don't put the lipstick straight on their face, I think they're trying to say. You don't put it on their lips. You've got to put it on the brush and then put it on their lips. Yeah, you don't go straight stick to face. Oh, yeah, because otherwise other people, yeah. It's not your personal lipstick, yeah.

Someone said, I hope a cop calls you to tell you about a desk pop. What's a desk pop? I don't know, but I want to know now. A desk pop. I might have said desk. It says pop as in pop goes the weasel. Desk pop. I don't know. Oh, want to know now. Desk pop. I might have said desk. It says pop as in pop goes the weasel. Desk pop. I don't know.

Someone who knows what that is, please. Let us know because it sounds great. It sounds very interesting. I'm in childcare. The rookie mistake is forgetting what time childcare or school finishes the pickup and getting there and they're crying and they've got teachers supervising them because you forgot to pick them up. What was the message about the mop?

That was a good one. Someone worked in hospitality and at the end of the day, they were told to go and clean up the area. So they wiped the tables and everything and they looked out and they just saw them using the floor mop on the table because they thought it was a better way to just give it a...

Now, being up for your food hygiene rating today, Megan, at the cafe, how would that go down with the inspector? Mopping the tables? Yeah. Well, if you did it while they were there, I don't think you'd do very well. Okay. Teacher, you can tell that you're a teacher rookie if you say to the class, let's do a group paper mache.

Very stressful, super messy. You'll only ever do it once. Experienced teachers laugh and let you do it, though. Really? And then afterwards you learn the hard way that paper mache is not a great group activity. The desk pop is the shooting the gun at your desk. They did it in the other guys. Going at your desk.

Surely you don't actually do that, right? No, you can't fight your gun in the same way. You can't sit around your gun at your desk and shoot the gun in the... Desk pop. No. They did it in the other guys. Yeah, they moved. Well, fair and worthy.

Because, no, do you remember when we went to the Christchurch police station and did the ride-along with Sergeant Cole? They have these things that when they check their guns, they hold it into it. They fire it into the little thing. Not just the ceiling of the office. Oh, there's no way they'd do that. Other police rookie mistakes is putting the handcuffs on upside down

or dropping the handcuffs when you're trying to make an arrest. That's a sign that you're dealing with a rookie cop. God, I'd be so, yeah, you would be. You'd be like, sorry, this is my first day. Just give me a moment. And a nurse. Somebody said you can always tell a rookie nurse they take so much time and care on a specific area of the body, not keeping the whole patient in mind.

Like they saw a nurse doing a leg dressing and they were taking their time. It was a wonderful leg dressing. They just didn't know that the patient had stopped breathing and was in the middle of a cardiac arrest.

Where's the BP machine? Maybe they... The BP machine? Yeah, you don't turn that off when you give them the... But maybe they weren't connected to a machine. Maybe they were just

having the leg thing. The supervisor comes in and is like, that leg dressing looks great, but your patient has died. Do I still get good marks for the dressing? Yeah. I mean, that's all I came in here to do. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. So we were talking about the mistakes you make

as a rookie in your industry. I've just watched the desk pop scene where he shoots the roof. Very good. Somebody said, if we're talking about, this is the desk pop equivalent for builders. We sent the apprentice builder to Placemakers

to buy sparks for the grinder. So, you know, when you use a grinder, it's always sparks. We told him we needed 100,000 sparks. And the Placemakers rep sent him back to us and told him that they were so expensive and he had a specific purchase order for him because he couldn't tell him that he was everyone's having fun everyone's just like a it's like a game of tennis yeah the ball is the

apprentice somebody else got sent to one of the hardware stores to buy fallopian tubes. Yeah, a metre of fallopian tube. Aww. That's a whole different topic in itself messing with apprentices. Hey, but one day you'll have an apprentice to send around. I know.

You'll have so much fun. It will be. Alright, it's time for Fact of the Day. Day, day, day, day. Today's Fact of the Day. Megan's going to love this because she loves wheeling this one out, kind of, in one form or another. So today's Fact of the Day is that wearing your coat when it's cold outside will actually do nothing to prevent a cold. Why will I like that?

Because you're always like, being cold doesn't give you a cold. Oh, yeah, no, it doesn't. No. Well, then why did mum always say, go put some shoes on, you'll catch a cold? Well, I just thought with this or shoes, I don't know, are shoes different? I don't know.

Maybe. Put some clothes on or catch a cold. Oh. I just had this horrific memory of like getting really cold feet

as a kid and then stepping into like a warm bath. Oh yeah. It's like pins and needles. And it burns. Yeah. I love that.

What was that? Well it's just the body going from very cold to very hot. You know how like glass will crack. Well crack, that's your body equivalent

that's your feet cracking oh it was nasty was it the nerves it's an overload of nerves maybe yeah and you know your fingers are skinnier

when they're cold and when they're hot they get fat so it's literally like your body expanding sore feet real quick cold

does that sound right Vaughan always makes a list of things to google after to google after well we're gonna and those go on. I've got to have someone to entertain myself. So today's fact of the day is that wearing a coat outside will prevent a cold.

It actually will not. Have you got some medical scientific data? Yep. When studied by the New England Journal of Medicine, who apparently just sent kids with coats out into the cold, kids without coats did not catch colds, viruses, or any other winter ailments by wearing a coat outside in cold weather. So the ones that went outside with no coat were just as sick

as the ones that went outside with a coat. Right, okay. Just the ones without a coat got frostbite, but. And felt warmer. Yeah. Yeah. So you get it all, of course, by someone being sick and then them sneezing in your face or you're making out with them or you touch something and then it gets into you.

That's the viral or the bacterial. They said the best, simply the best way to do it is just to wash your hands. So when mum's like, get your coat, you'll catch a cold, you'll be like, actually mum, I'll wash my hands instead.

Because mums love, this has also been scientifically proven, mums love backchat. They do, yeah. Huge fans of backchat. They do. There was a Venn diagram of people who love backchat and people who are mums, that would be one circle.

That'd be on top of each other. That'd be literally one circle. Mums love back chat. So today's fact of the day is wearing a coat when it's cold outside won't actually prevent you from getting a cold. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yesterday afternoon, Mow the Lawns was taking in. What a great job I did.

Tried something different yesterday. I did all lines one way. What do you usually do? A circle? On the lawn. I just go back and forth, back and forth. Do you get so bored doing all this stuff at your house? Like lawns and-

You mowed it one way and then stopped engaging blades. Yep. Drove back. Kept chucking at that. Or Megan, I would go forward and then I would reverse along the same line to get a good throw. Do you know that you can watch Netflix and stuff? Or like, I don't know.

Who sees that lawn? Where's the passion? I do. I just asked Sade to send me a photo because I think on this beautiful morning we're having, it would look lovely with a little morning dew on a freshly mown lawn. Okay, whatever gets you jazzed. So I was post lawn. It's a bit you jazzed. So I was post lawn.

It's a bit like post Malone, but it's post lawn and lawn mow. Post Malone. Post lawn mow. Post Malone. And I'd leaf bled all the grass off the concrete. Leaf bled. Leaf bled. Leaf bled.

And it was then I heard screaming, a hollering from the children. Dad, they screamed. Dad, the cat's got something. We don't know if it's a rat or a bird. And I said, well, I hope it's a rat. Okay. Or a mouse or a rat or some form of rodent. Anyway, the cat had gone under the deck and we could hear a noise

and I thought it doesn't sound like a rat. I think a cat might have a bird. And I said, sadly, but that's cats. That's if you can have a cat. I just thought, I hope it's not my little friend, the pewaka waka, the fantowl. He just wanted to do his fantowl. Well, no, because they're around, or the tui.

Yeah, the tui's lovely. The tui tricks you because you're like, that's a lovely song. He goes. You're like, oh, It was all going so nicely Yeah It's almost like Good morning It's a beautiful day

But it wasn't Yeah It was another one Of my favourites Because later on I looked out And I saw a kingfisher A kingfisher

Oh yeah A kotare Okay A kotare. Okay. A kotare. On the ground and I was like, oh no, and I walked up to it and it was not in a great way. Yeah. That's what the cat had got, but it must have got out from under the deck. Yeah. And then I turned and I saw

the cat coming around at speed, so the bird had got out of small gap and the cat was coming around and I ended up, I said, not today, cat! And I went down and one thing about always picking up birds is they always pick, because that's their defence. Yeah. And I said, it today, cat. And I went down and one thing about always picking up birds is they always pick, because that's their defence. And I said, it's alright. And I offered my knuckle and I said, you bite that.

And so it, but onto that, so that allowed me to get the body, to cradle the body of the injured. And I took it up and I said, I found what the cat had. It was this beautiful kingfisher.

Yeah. And the girls are just like, whoa, like they were blown away. They've never seen a kingfisher up close before. And I held it and I said,

what are we going to do? And they just went into panic mode. But get a spade and put it out of its misery. No, because I couldn't see when I was cradling the gotare in my hand.

I looked and I couldn't see any puncture wounds. Right. So I thought, that's where you startare in my hand, I looked and I couldn't see any puncture wounds. Right. So I thought, that's where you're stuck getting in trouble. And I examined the wing and the wings looked okay. Well, it's obviously dead. It's going to die.

You better put it out of its misery. It was against the fence and I was like, I took it inside and I said, we're going to need a dark box because I know that birds, to stop them panicking, put them in a dark box. I looked up some bird rescue places. Oh, for crying out loud. Well, no, if it had just been a sparrow or a bloody thrush or a blackbird,

I wouldn't have bothered, but this is a beautiful bird. But there's plenty of them. They're not endangered. This is a native. You can't only save beautiful things. But do you think some of those rescue places are like, oh, God, Karen's coming in with four sparrows again. Oh, yeah, so there's sparrows.

I'm kind of like, there'll be more sparrows, but this is a beautiful native bird. So I did some inquiries as to where to take it. And then it started flapping around in the box a little bit. So I looked at it and I said, what I'm going to do is I'm going to take it out and see what happens. So I took it down to the paddock and I opened it. I've actually got a photo of it in the box

because this all just sounds like some fanciful Vaughan Smith tale of nonsense, doesn't it? But look, there's the... Oh, it's very blue. It's beautiful, isn't it? The beautiful colours. The kingfish are sparkling. Really catches the eye.

That's in a water blaster box. Have you bought a water blaster as well? Oh, no, that was a water blaster attachment. I've borrowed Dad's water blaster attachment for him. So it was literally, as that photo was taken, the bird with its wings spread, it looked up and then it went, ah, made bird with its wings spread and looked up at me and it went, made its little noise. And then it jumped.

And when it jumped, it put its wings out and they caught enough air that it pushed itself, it propelled itself upwards. It came to about eye height of me. It looked me in the eye. Okay. And it went, and then flew away. That little, that was a thank you. Do you think it was? It was definitely a thank you.

Or was he like, your cat is a monster. Yeah, no, well, it is. And I said, you're welcome. And it flew off into the night sky and I said, fly well, Kotari. And away it went. Probably went back to a tree to die. Well, let's not hope that's not what the story is. So in summary, your cat caught a kingfisher.

You put it in a box and then it flapped her out, so you set it free. Megan, when you ignore all the spiritual aspects of the story, yes, that is the basics. Yes, that is the bones of it. You kidnapped a bird. There's a lot of flesh. You kidnapped a bird.

I saved it with my gentle healing hands. You kidnapped a bird. There's a lot of flesh. You kidnapped a bird. I saved it with my gentle healing hands. You kidnapped a bird and it escaped. No, it looked me in the eye and it said, thank you for your service for the protection. Or something else, you. Sounds like a Stockholm syndrome to me. It was flap. Why did it flap right to my eye level and eyeball me and say,

we are one, you and I? Because it was like, thank you for that. Exactly. Exactly. It was thank you for that. Oh, no, it wasn't sarcasm. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. If you are like me and you get lots of parcels from the courier,

online shopping, there is the rise of a new criminal, porch pirates. Porch pirates. Oh, my. So I just thought this was an opportunistic thing. Like, people would see maybe a box on your doorstep and be like, oh, okay, and take it. But some people go to the extra effort of biking around and following courier vans.

They follow couriers. At least they're getting their exercise. Yeah, that's got to add up to your 60 minutes of exercise a day, doesn't it? Yeah, they're like circle neighbourhoods. When did it go to 60? I thought it was 30 plus a day. No, they're trying to get you to do the full hour now. Or like 20 minutes of HIIT.

Right. Wait, are we talking porch pirates? Yeah. Fletch hit my ox cord. Oh, no. This doesn't always go well. Did you just go just Google pirate music? Yeah, Pirates of the Caribbean.

It sounds sneaky too. Okay, so these porch pirates are on their bicycles. They're following around couriers around neighbourhoods. And parrots. You can tell them because they've got one eye covered and they're a bit of a parrot. Yeah. So they literally will see a courier van, follow it.

And when they drop the parcel off on your doorstep, wait for the courier van to leave and snap it up. Hopefully it's not too big a parcel because it won't fit on their bike. I see a lot of, you know, a lot of home security systems and doorbells with cameras in them. In America, a lot of people post this kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Amazon delivery drivers.

Did you see that one where they posted it thinking the guy was going to, like, steal the goods on the doorstep, but he went up to sniff the flowers? Oh! No, I thought it was about the guy who licked it. Oh. Oh, that was the doorbell licker. Yeah. Oh, they're going to lick the flowers and then leave. Oh, no, I thought you were talking about the guy who licked it. Oh, that was the doorbell licker. Yeah. Oh, the girl who licked the doorbells. But I saw one where someone,

and it just looked like a middle-aged woman, Barbara, parked her car and started unloading these parcels into her car and then the lady came out and was like, what are you doing? And she's like, oh, sorry, I thought I was picking up my friend's parcels and made some lame excuse.

Just dumped them back out of her car and drove off. Oh, she dumped them out of her car. She's a porch pirate. That's when you fire the cannons and hoist the mainsail. Get the F out of there. So while a car to call is very annoying, they don't really want to leave it there,

but you can get, you know, you can get get $200 letterboxes now that are lockable. Oh, yeah. So the courier can leave your stuff in there and lock it up there. Yeah, but you have to get that courier to you. Do they steal that? When you get your letterbox courier to you. Or you chain that. Oh, yeah.

True, yeah. You get home and you're like, oh, they've stolen the letterbox. It'll stop them stealing other things. Checkmate, pirates. This is Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Oh, they've stolen the letterbox. It'll stop them stealing other things. Checkmate, pirates.