ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - July 08 2019

Episode Date: July 7, 2019

An update on Vaughan's gate, Community Notices and what did you lose in a hard to get place?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Thank you, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Just watched the Mulan trailer. The live-action remake of Mulan. I've seen that trailer. I haven't watched it yet. It gave me the goosebumps. Did it? It gave me the Moana feels of when I first saw the Moana trailer.

And so now I'm just excited for 20 years' time when they do a live-action remake of Moana. Because Moana isn't even born yet, really. That was, a lot of that was shot in New Zealand, right? Yes, correct. Ooh, beauty. Yeah, just down the road from my place. They had these massive, like, 1,500, the year,

1,500, like like Chinese villages built it was always weird driving past you but like that subdivision's not going to take off those look poorly insulated for the

New Zealand winter right but oh yeah it looks good so is that the studios you're filming the Lord of the Rings TV show

yeah oh okay I'm thinking of getting an after school job as a as a what? A walk, probably, if it's a little bit. I won't flatter myself by saying anything like elvish.

Yeah, right. Spare, strata, ugly walk. Are you drinking a red wine? No, there was no clean coffee cup, so I made my morning black coffee in a wine glass. How does that feel? Quite bougie. Yeah.

Treat yourself. We've got community notices coming up on the show before seven. black coffee and a wine glass. How does that feel? Quite bougie. Yeah. Tritch style. We've got community notices coming up on the show before seven. Yeah, a little dance around the nation to see what's happening on those famous community pages where, I don't know, the people who are afraid to speak up really find their voice. Don't they? Don't they? Don't they?

All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Story time. Three news headlines. Three news stories that have found interesting, quirky, odd news stories. Vaughan and Megan, deliberate. Discuss. Pick one headline only.

Headline one, Bob Marley backpack, the giveaway for cops. Headline two, bad night. But night, K-N-I-G-H-T. Bad night. Or headline three, man avoids community service. Bad night. Bad canite. Bad canite?

Yeah, because what's a canite? How do you get a bad canite? A modern canite. How do you get a bad canite? A modern canite. How do you get a bad? Oh, like, a sir is technically a knight. Yeah, true. Yeah, no, a knighthood. Yeah, that's right.

Huh. Or do we like this story? What was the other story? A man avoids community service. Knight. You want bad knight? Bad knight. Yeah. Bad can night? Yeah.

Bad canite. Yeah. All right, well, we go to Australia now where a 21-year-old man, Mitch Toohey, like Toohey's the bear, Mitch Toohey, was flown to hospital. Toohey's the Australian bear, not Toohey's the New Zealand bear. Oh, the Australian bear, that's what I meant.

Toohey. Toohey. So Mitch Toohey, he was flown to hospital at the weekend. He's a 21-year-old after he suffered an axe blow to the head in a mock medieval battle in New South Wales. Oh, wow. He suffered a fractured skull when an axe hit his helmet during an organised battle at the Winterfest Sydney Medieval Fair.

A Care Flight Rescue helicopter was dispatched to the scene and picked him up. He's now in a stable condition. And he had been fighting with another man when a third person ran across the field and struck him in the head with an axe. His head bounced off his shoulder and knocked him out. Oh, my God.

And then a referee intervened after several more blows to the head. And that's when he was taken off the field. And the president of the Australian Medieval Combat Federation, the AMCF, said that incidents do occur in medieval mock battles,

much like MMA or football injuries can happen. Wow. Except they don't have axes in MMA, do they, famously? No. Apparently they do have regulations in place to minimise injuries from weapons standards, armour standards, to also marshals who are there to referee. Wow.

Yeah. That. Yeah. That is loose. They actually have legit axes. I thought they were just kind of like plastic-y. Because I saw some nerds fighting with swords once. And it was wooden? Yeah, they were wooden or almost looked like rubbery

foam. No, no, not real LARPers. No. They'll go actual hardcore steel. They take a lot of pride in their weaponry. Yeah, it's bizarre, isn't it? No. Yeah, I don't know.

Oh, maybe you're into it. I'm not going to nerd shame you. No. Yeah, just be careful, please. Swinging axes around. Be real careful, yeah. Jesus, when you said his head bounced off his shoulder, I was like, imagine getting hit so hard on the side of the head,

your head would be like, crap. Oh, just your neck would be so sore, let alone any wound attributed to the axe part of the hit. Horrible, isn't it? Awful. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Food tampering seems to be like a new thing to get hits on a video, although it's not very fun.

And the one we heard about the woman licking the ice cream, she'll tell you it's not fun because she could spend 20 years in prison. That's what she's facing. So they tracked her down because you can see her face in the video. I'm guessing it was fairly easy. This is in America. She opens a lid of ice cream, Texas, licks it, see her face in the video. I'm guessing it was fairly easy. This is in America. She opens a lid of ice cream. Texas.

Licks it, puts it back in the chiller. Yeah, but full face in the video. I don't know quite what she was hoping to achieve, but about 11 million views. But she could spend up to 20 years behind bars or a $10,000 fine. Either way. I'd probably go to prison for 20 years. It's not worth it.

$10,000 is a lot of money. It's a lot of money. But there's another one. There is a new video of someone, this is in Walmart, taking some mouthwash. There's a video of it. Again, easy to see who it is. They speak in the video. They take the Listerine, I believe it is, off the shelf,

swig it back, gargle it, and then spit it back in the bottle. They don't spit it back. Yeah. Yuck. But then I know the Colgate ones have the little plastic thing on the top. So if that's ripped off, you know someone's been into it. Listerine does as well. I was just Googling to see when you buy them,

if it comes with a plastic wrapper on it. And yeah, you should never buy anything that doesn't have that seal. Well, even more so now that this is like an online trend. Yeah, so 15.6 million views at last look for that video. How much is that going to give you in cash? It's not going to pay your $10,000 fine, is it? Or would it? In the views?

Yeah. How many views? Money. 15.6 mil. Yeah, that'd be all right. Would that be like, what, 10, 20 grand? Isn't it $1,000 for every million? No, that's not right.

But then every million, that's when it kicks in, or 100,000 is when it kicks in. Right. So there's a lot of people saying, well, another one for prison. I hope you enjoy your cell next to the ice cream girl. But I hope this isn't going to catch on. The food crimes.

The food crimes wing. The food, yeah. Yeah. I'm just looking. I would have gone for a plaques. I'm just looking at mouthwashes now. I would have gone for that pink plaques. Oh, that's your favourite, isn't it?

That's your favourite one. I mean, we're certainly not encouraging you to purchase. Shout out to mouthwashers now. Yeah. I mouthwash while I'm flossing. What? So I put the mouthwash in and I get that going. Yeah.

And then I get my little, you know, my little flosser on a stick. Yeah. And while the mouthwash is still in there, I floss. So you just open your mouth and you're like. No, I form a seal. And while the mouthwash is still in there I floss. So you just open your mouth and you're like... No, I form a seal around the stick that the little flossing bits on. But then you've got to be able to take the stick out to get all the bits off it.

No, you just keep going. You go whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, whack, all around. No, do whack, whack, whack. That's very aggressive. And then you spit it out and the good thing about that pink plaques is you don't know if you're bleeding from the gums or not. Because it's already pink. Or you get the blue one and then mix it with your blood and you make purple when it comes out yeah or the green one just comes out this funky lumpy brown oh my god grim you give a mouthwash straight after you've eaten like some scorched almonds

or something to hide the fact you've eaten scorched almonds or like chocolate you rush away for a quick mouthwash. And you go, and you start, you're like, uh-oh, I can feel all the residue coming loose. And then you spit it and it just looks like someone's had diarrhea in the sink. You're like, got it, bloody, wash it away. Wash it all up and then you're like, I think I've got away with it. But that spit is very confronting.

You feel very guilty. Yeah. That is very confronting. You feel very guilty. Hello, good morning, kia ora, and welcome to Community Notices, a segment of the show where we have a look at what's happening around this nation of ours according to local Facebook pages. This one comes from the Italian Greyhounds Facebook page. Rated X, it says. Goodness. Now, Italian Greyhounds are like greyhounds Facebook page. Rated X, it says. Goodness. Now, Italian greyhounds are like greyhounds except small.

They're like Kylie Jenner's dogs. They're Italian greyhounds. Not my cup of tea. Italian, I'm just going to do whatever you like. You stop dog shaming. You're so mean. I'm a dog snob. I'm not.

I find greyhounds like too skinny. Yeah. I love all doggies. I love all of them. But I also feel like if you're going to race greyhounds too skinny. Yeah. I love all doggies. I love all of them. But I also feel like if you're going to race greyhounds, you've got a responsibility to look after them after they're not good for you for racing anymore. You can't just be like, see a dog that made me money, boot.

Like, good on people that rehouse racing greyhounds. I don't do that when I'm old. Just rehound greyhounds. Rehound greyhounds? Yeah. Meg is like, whereabouts are the greyhounds? They're in the race home. Oh, no.

I've made a huge mistake. Isn't that a $10,000 farm dog at the weekend? What? It was set a new record for a farm dog. Sold for $10,000. Why did it sell for $10,000? Is it Flash or something? Right.

Super smart. Great with the stock. God, you wouldn't want to run over it with a tractor. Oh, absolutely. It'd be too quick for 10K. They'd have to have a Dodge. They'd have to have built-in Dodge skills. Tractor Dodge skills.

Yeah. This one, the Italian Greyhounds. Rated X, writes Linda. Does anyone have a female Italian Greyhound who's a sexual deviant? Secret, that's the name of her Italian Greyhound who's a sexual deviant. Secret. That's the name of her Italian greyhound. Has just discovered the joys of, well, this is how she's written it, of dot, dot, dot, well, dot, dot, dot, ahem.

Children leave the room. Masturbating. Wow. The greyhound has. Yeah. On Tuesday and again today while she's in the car. It seems to happen by accident. She's sitting with her back leg splayed and her front paw happens to touch her privates.

And then she starts frantically rubbing. Oh, my God. She had this startled, surprised, confused look on her face. I think we all did the first couple of times. And she didn't know what had come over her. We weren't in the car, though. I hope not. I can't decide if it's funny, cute or disturbing.

Maybe all three. Looks like it's time I had the talk with her. And then it says, the look she gets is similar to this. And then there's a picture of the dog and it's like. Wow. Yeah. I don't want to see that again. That's something else.

Yeah, isn't it? Isn't it? Did dogs do that? I've never heard of a dog Doing that My dog humps things But he's a dude Yeah

It's just standard for him I don't know Well I guess if it was Good for the goose It's good for the gad Next let's go to the Oh I don't know I'm not going to say

What group this is on Because this seems like One of those ones Will hear about it Okay Yeah Georgia writes Are there any psychic minds

Or energy feelers out there that can point me in the direction of my engagement ring? Bad photo, but I'm so desperate. I've lost it. Yeah. I don't remember taking it off, but I do occasionally take it off because of swelling. But I found my wedding ring under the armchair in the lounge.

I have an awful gut feeling that Mr. Ten Months has found it. I'm not sure where he's taken it. I hope he hasn't put it down a plug hole or down the hatch. So she's after a psychic, a mind or energy feeler to tell her where the engagement ring is. I'm getting a bit of energy from under the big couch. I'm getting a bit of energy from... I feel like an earthly energy.

Right. It is either in dirt or near dirt. Okay. It's definitely on the earth. Right. It's not in space. I'm getting like an energy that I'm sitting in a room with two bullshitters. Don't believe in any of this stuff.

Oh my God. Oh my God, have I like nailed it? I'm actually picking up some sarcastic Earth vibes right now. Yeah, yeah. You're really killing our mood here, making our energy feel. I feel like someone didn't charge

their crystals last four months, so they're in a little bit of like a low energy buzz. And given that, you know, the stars are moving into a Jupiter-centric astrology sign. Would you like to touch my hand to charge up a little bit? Charge up.

Oh, yeah, very facetious. That's a powerful energy. You're fully charged. Next, we're with Rolleston Community Pages. Always a fun time in Rolleston. Roll on into Rolleston. Do they have a slide in there? That's a good one.

That's a good one, yeah. It encourages tourism. Roll on into Rolleston. Do they have a slide in there? That's a good one. That's a good one, yeah. Encourages tourism. Roll on into Rolleston. Yeah. If that's not on a sign. Because it's a bit out, right? It's a bit out. It's just to explain something about the place, isn't it?

Yeah, it's not really a play on names. Yeah, it's not in Roll on In. You're not wrong. That should be on a sign at the entrance to Rolleston. Yeah. If it's not, what a crime. Or at the bakery should sell sausage Rollerstones. Like, I'm giving this away for free, Rollerstone.

Yeah. Take it. I mean, advertising execs would charge hundreds of thousands. Like, we would be like Hoover and Coke, and we'd be coming up with these if we were advertising executives. But we're not. We work in radio, so it's a gentle coffee and just a freebie for you. Beck writes on the Rollison community page,

is there anyone local that makes gluten-free birthday cakes? I can decorate it myself, but I'm not good enough of a baker to trust that it won't taste like cardboard that's had a cat dragged its arsehole across. Oh, my God. Vivid description. So, Bec wants a gluten-free birthday cake. Can't bake it.

Can decorate. Reason she can't bake it is she doesn't trust herself to not make it taste like a cat has dragged itself straight across the cake. This one from the Thames Coromandel Community Grapevine Original Information Sharing Group. Quite lengthy. Probably cut that in half, Thames. Sick of people mopevine Original Information Sharing Group. Quite lengthy. Probably cut that in half, Thames. Sick of people moaning about KFC on here. I'm a fat MF-er and it ain't big bones.

I am a fast food connoisseur. I can recite the menus of KFC, Macca's, BK and Wendy's. Seasonal specials included. Off the top of my head like a 10 year old Spitting times tables Pizza Hut $5 pizza Is an entree If you're getting my drift I've been to KFC Thames

At least 40 times this year Every time They've delivered me Hot, greasy, crispy 11 secret herbs and spices Skin covered chicken Just like it says on the box To mix it up

Last week I had a pepper mayo twister And that sucker Was made with love. Y'all skinny, no taste bud, whining bitch fools moaning about

my people's working hard to get me an early, to get me to an early grave. You can take your bony bums off to pack and save for a salad. Now this is in response, there's a lot of,

a regular moan on the Thames page is about KFC. What is it, the service or something? Just everything, baby. Right, right. Service, the product

and everything. Well, this person, as you've quite heard, quite passionate about fast food. They said they'll eat it all and they've had nothing but delightful service and crispy chicken

from KFC. So quit your bitching. Quit your bitching. That is today's community notices. If you see anything on your local Facebook page, screen cap it and send it to ours.

We're FEMZM on Facebook. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. During that song, Megan raised a very good point. I feel like you say it's a good point now, but you're about to absolutely throw me under the bus. Well, no, because I'd like to know where I stand in the workplace. In employment court. In such matters, yes.

Well, I'm upper management. Is that what we're talking about? Rankings. I don't think when you... You're not upper management. Give yourself a job or a title that doesn't mean that you are upper management. It's like when you're... It's like a soldier who is by rank just a soldier, but so well respected that even colonels are like,

this guy knows what's up. No, you have a car park on the same level as some upper management and that's it. First step. Is it? Okay. Now if I could just get a car that was made on the same continent as upper management, or even the same decade. It would be a nice time.

It would be, yeah. But that's the thing, I don't want them to see me coming. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, good call. Yeah. I would like to know if, or what would you say is the maximum amount of personal printing you can do at work? Hit me with a number.

I just keep going. Like how many pages? Just keep going until you get caught. A ream? How much is a ream? One of those big things you buy, 500. Would you hit a ream? I just, I would have no crumbs printing off until the toner ran out.

Before you hit print, you've got to have a look in the drawer, see how many pages are in there. Now, if there's not enough for what you require, you need to top it up because that's what's going to draw attention because when it runs out of paper, it goes, and it's like, how many more paper? And that's when everyone looks. So hit it with authority.

Know you've got enough paper to print everything you want to print and then just print to your heart's content. The thing is we have these magic dots on the back of our swipe cards that you have to press on the printer so that it lets you print. You press print from your computer and then you run to the printer and you dot it. Now that knocks on you. Yeah, but.

To someone. We don't know how to use those. I've now haven't used my... Give Caitlin prints all of mine. So Caitlin has above average printing for the entire company. You can just say that this was needed for the show. No, when have you ever used your dots? Any of you? No, that's what we're saying.

We don't have to. Exactly. So I'm always... Well, when I got my new swipe card, I got an instruction piece on how to do it, and it was very hard. I helped you. No, you're just lazy. None of you want to do it.

I need to log on to a workstation. What the hell is that? If I suddenly printed out a whole lot of stuff, it would be obvious. Whereas you have like a high printing. Yes. You don't want to cause an anomaly. You don't want to cause an anomaly. Not for 55 pages at one time. Okay, we hadn't seen how much I was off.

Drip feed it then, Caitlin. Do ten at a time, five times. That's so hard. Also, it needs to be in colour. Oh my god, Megan. I'm going to get fired. Is that a different printer? Yeah, no, only Caitlin. There's only a few people that are allowed the colour printer. Oh, see, they've given you high printer rights.

No, you're making all of this up. I'm just, no. Is that a no on the record i'd have no qualms printing off 55 color pages vaughn color pages yep i'm there okay well what should i just do on my dot if you show me how to use my dot um ross boss ross boss has just come in hi is it okay to print out 55 color pages of personal printing? So here's something you don't know. There's actually a report that goes back on the printing

and if anyone does a little bit too much, because with that dot you can track everything and see what people have printed. Caitlin, can you do it on your dot? You should see the one time Vaughan printed something. Loophole. We've talked about this on air now, so technically this would fall under content.

What you printed out was content too, Vaughan. What did I print out? Nah, I'm lying. You can do 55. Don't worry about it. No one's listening. I can't even remember what I... Just do it.

I don't think you have. I don't give a fuck. It's all bollocks. But you do get how many pages people print out. Nah. Someone does though. Well, I'm sure someone does. I don't know who that person I don't get a report. It's all bollocks. But you do get how many pages people print out. No. Someone does, though. Well, I'm sure someone does. I don't know who that person is.

If it became a problem. Thrilling job if that's their job, huh? Yeah. Okay, we'll just do it then. Upstairs, someone's computer starts going, da, da, da, da. Oh, we've got, oh, a printer down on level one's doing 55 pages.

Color. Vaughn's actually working for once. What's going on? Tap into the security cams. And then they're like, and Megan's like, looking dodgy as well. Fire her.

Yeah. Well, if this makes me nervous, then you've got to, you know, like I'm a good employee because printing 55 pages What is it? So I'm on Caitlin's computer now.

I'm just going to see what this 55 pages is. I don't need to look into it. Read the message from Andrew. Hey, my baby. Can you print this for me? XXXXX Love you lots

Oh my god You guys still talk like that You're married You're even discussing on email My email is no place for romanticness Aren't we cute? I told you the honeymoon's not over Still going baby

Still going You can print that Okay thanks Just double sided though please I need a copy of this whole conversation Yeah you've got to go into settings Before you clap print. Don't double-side it.

No one likes a double-sided print. No. Single-sided, yes. Single-sided, there we go. Well, they can't buy you now. The boss has said yes. Get some good stock. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the top six.

Well, it's set next door, but it's a Kiwi favourite, Home and Away. 5.2 out of 10 on Internet and Movie Database. That's not what I was after. Oh, really? 87% of people, Google users, like the show. 7.8 out of 10 on TV.com. But IMDb is like, 5.2. Ouch.

Ouch. So, Home and Away is facing the axe after 31 years at 7pm due to an all-time low in ratings. This isn't looking good. So, what they're saying either... Initially, it would lose its prime time slot. Right. And then it would, maybe if it kept going down, be cancelled altogether. It's weird to think it's at 7.

Like, Shortland Street's at 7, but I don't know, maybe we're just used to that. Well, you always have a prime, if you have networks, don't you, there's always like a current affairs show and the other one's like a soap aura. Yeah. Not current affairs show.

But we always just got it before the news or kind of late afternoon, didn't we? Yeah. Huh. So, but it's a 7 o'clock show. It's their prime time soap up against Neighbours. Huh. prime time soap Up against Neighbours I don't know if Neighbours is stealing the viewing

Or what the story is Home and Away was always cooler than Neighbours But people just aren't watching traditional TV as much Especially younger people It's all online And that's who was your Home and Away Yeah The only people left watching it's Mum

And Mum doesn't care My Mum loves Home and Away I'm worried how she people left watching it's mum. And mum doesn't care. Oh, my mum loves Home and Away. Does she? I'm worried about how she's going to catch up after a month away. You know what wouldn't surprise me? She's My Sky'd the whole thing. Really? She would have cleared her...

It would be full. She would have watched her travel shows. Yeah. That's what actually My Sky's. And she'll have a... Really? A hard drive full of Home and Away to watch when she gets back. Does she watch Shorty Street?

Nah. Just Home and Away. Really tickles her. Yeah, I don't know why. Is it all the hot people? Probably all the hot dudes. So the top six ideas I've had to boost Home and Away's ratings. Okay.

Number six. This happens. This is absolute textbook. If your soap starts going downhill, you bring back some old favourites. I'm saying bring back Sally and Pippa. Classic H&A. The Fletchers. And even bring back Michael. He died in a flood.

But bring him back. Well he was swept out and never found. They never found the body. Technically he could have washed up somewhere with amnesia and recalls now that he's from Summer Bay and goes back. Yes. Not a bad idea. Should be a writer. Totally would.

Thank you. Easy. Number five on the list of the top six ideas to boost Home and Away's ratings. Irene needs to adopt more kids. Maybe like the whole detention centre. There's something happens in Nauru and they have to relocate the detention centre to Home and Away and she's like, oh, bloody heaven. I've raised a fair few red bags in my time. I'll sit them straight.

You bloody kids get out of my boobs. You bloody kids wouldn't even know a good bourbon if you bloody tripped over one. I'm going to try to go lower. You think you've had a tough day, haven't you? Oh, bloody Irene. I have to smoke 18 durries a day just to get up in the morning. She's not that low.

Close, though. You kids want a... This is really hard for you. You kids want a gin and tonic or what? You're a bunch of bloody pussies. You're in Australia now, you little bastards. We're drinking. Are you clenching your butthole to do that?

I'm back. Number four on the list of the top six ideas to boost Home and Away's ratings. Hot people need to do all the jobs. Like there's been hot place officers. Yeah. Was it Pia, Pia Mia? No, not Pia Mia, Pia.

Not Pia Mia, that's the wrong Pia. There's two hot Pias in the world. Right. Pia Mia and Pia from home and away. Right. So she was a cop. You've had hot doctors, you've had hot nurses, you had hot surf instructors,

but we want to see more hot janitors. We want to see more hot port-a-loo cleaners. We want to see more hot people driving right on lawnmowers on public parks. So you're just saying that's starting to get a bit weird. Like everybody's got to be hot. So not everyday people. Fire all of them. Get rid of them.

And get only hot people. Hot people. Doing every job. Yeah. Ever. Number three on the list of the top six ideas to burst home in a ways rating. Alf needs to swear more. Okay.

Yeah. Like stone the flame in crows. Like 2019. Top six ideas to burst home in a ways rating. Alf needs to swear more. Okay, yeah. Like stone the flame in crows. Like 2019, he should just be like stone the crows. Oh, just F hard, F word. That'd be great. You F and galah. Like just really get into it. Because he's getting older.

That's how we do it. Yeah. Number two on the list of the top six ideas to burst home in a ways ratings. Chris Hemsworth needs to come back. But as Thor. I don't know if they could afford him to be honest. Not as him. Well maybe if he's just up. Maybe you just go

and shoot a few eps up in Byron Bay. Byron Bay. That's where he lives eh? Yeah. Just go to him. Okay. He won't come to you. But it has to be as Thor. That'd be great. And the number one idea to burst Home and Away's ratings, disasters do well. Yep.

The holy trinity of natural disasters. There's an earthquake that triggers a tsunami, but then there's a tornado that hits a bushfire. So it causes a fire tornado and then the fire tornado fights against the tsunami.

Right. And everybody dies. And then you have to recast everyone. Actually, that's how you could get rid of all the average looking people. They all die in against the tsunami. Right. And everybody dies. And then you have to recast everyone. Actually, that's how you could get rid of all the average-looking people. They all die in the big tsunami fight. They all die, and I was like, I need to ask how people survive. Yeah. Why?

I don't know. Are we immune? And then everyone's got superpowers, it turns out, if they're hot. Okay, right. That's just a few ideas. I'll chuck you away to boost Home and Away's ratings, and that is today's Top 6. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

ZM. A man in London. Amon's his name. I hope he's not that guy that wrote that song that time. F-U-U. That's a very rude song. Yeah. U-H.

I was a different time, wasn't it? It was a different time. It was the 2000s. Very angry. Different time. Couldn't in the current climate. Amon lost his wedding ring. He knew exactly where it was

because it came off his hand and it slid down a drain. And he was like, well, I know where it was. Yeah. So he called firefighters. They came, they used their tools to open the drain. It was at that stage that he saw where his ring lay and it was in this catchment of sewage sludgy business. Okay. It was where everything met before it left,

but he said it was sludge. And he did find his ring, but not before, as he described it, sifting through 30 full handfuls of sewage sludge. So he was cupping it up with the two hands. Kind of sieve making a sieve. Yeah, through the fingers, knowing that the ring wouldn't go through there without

and would shake and then run it under water and then he eventually found it after 30 big full handfuls of the sewagey sludge. If it wasn't your wedding ring, you'd let it go, wouldn't you? If it wasn't expensive. Yeah. Let it go. I'd consider letting your wedding ring, you'd let it go, wouldn't you? If it wasn't expensive, just let it go.

I'd consider letting it go now. Just in that situation. You'd get insurance, wouldn't you? Yeah, well, if you've got it insured, you can definitely claim insurance on it. It's not the ring, is it? It's the sentimental la la la. Sentimentality? Sentimentalness? Yeah. I dropped my ring arriving at work the other day

because I can never fit it on my finger in the morning. I barely get it on. Every morning. Just leave it on. You swell up in the morning. You swell up. I don't know. But get a bit of soap on there. Lubricate the finger and the ring, even then, it's quite a bit of work but it'll get on there. So I don't put it on sometimes until I get to work. Right. And I pull my phone

out of my pocket while downstairs with the lift and the ring came out as well and went bounce, bounce and bounce off the lift door and then bounce back towards me literally a second before the door opened. That was all I could think. You'd have to pay the lift people to come and get it out. That would be like a thousand bucks.

Would you pay that to get that back? I'd make some inquiries. But if they were like it's going to cost a thousand dollars, I could literally get it remade for less than that. Like this didn't cost $1,000. But what about the sentimentality? Oh, maybe I'd do like a cute thing.

We could do a cute thing on air of where we take a bunch of people's suggestions on how to get a ring out of an elevator shaft and we like do fishing lines with magnets on it and stuff, you know. I could say there's some different content in it. Okay, we'll chuck it down tomorrow. Chuck it down, let it go down. Wholesome content. Sounds great.

Until we keep doing this until someone's like, I work in lifts and then they come and do it for free. That's how radio works. Yeah. Oh, I've got a problem and it can't be solved. Hoping that someone will want to solve our problem for us. Behind the scenes, that's how everything works. Yeah.

Give away all the magic tricks. Try to figure this out. Someone rings in, they're like, have my professional knowledge at no cost that you would have otherwise had to have paid for. And we're like, yay, problem solved. We are a problem solved, yay. Like that would have been the situation

if I dropped it in all the sludge as well. I sort of stood by it being like, I'm on the radio. Does anybody want to help me? Doesn't quite work as well in the street. But I was wondering, these are the worst kind of, I know where something is, but it means I have to go in there to get it. Like, you know when you were a kid, did you ever play cricket and the ball would go under the house?

And when you're a kid, going under the house is pretty much the scariest place in the world. What do you mean when you're a kid? I don't want to go under there now. Oh, I love getting under the house now. There's spiders and cockroaches and rats. No, there's rats and mice and wetters. I've never seen a rat in my time.

That's the worst. There's sparrows and it coming face to face with some sort of large mutant rat under the house. But I've never seen a rat under the house. What would it do, run away or bite you? It would run away. It might bite you. Unless you kneeled on it.

And then I'd imagine it would bite you purely out of the fence. So when did you lose something in a hard to find place? In a hard to get to place, yeah. It's, yeah. It's not like losing it, losing it. I don't know where it is. You know where it is, but God, it's just going to be hard to get it. But the worst is when you lose something and it's in sight.

Like it's down a drain, but you can't get, maybe the drain's like sealed or something. Yeah. Because I was, when I was in Sydney, someone dropped their phone onto the tracks at a station, but they weren't allowed to get it because it's all electrified. Sure, they're dying. You jump down and get it. What do you do? When I was in Sydney, someone dropped their phone onto the tracks at a station, but they weren't allowed to get it because it's all electrified. Sure, they're dying. You jump down and get it. What do you do? Do you go and buy a chlorine arm?

The person was saying you just wait until the trains come and go on because it was in between the tracks. Still though, if a train comes in and it could rumble it closer to the tracks. Yeah, and then I think they were going to get some sticks. But yeah, I've read That they have like Little sticks Oh right To get these Like a claw

Yeah To get things off the track Yeah Otherwise I guess People would jump down And electrocute themselves Oh god no No no

No stay right The hell off those So we want to know I know at hundreddolls.am Or you can text 9696 When did you lose Something in a

Hard to get place Yeah how much Of a mission was it To get Whatever you lost back Text 9696. When did you lose something in a hard-to-get place? Yeah, how much of a mission was it to get whatever you lost back? And maybe it wasn't worth getting back. Or maybe it was like your wedding ring and you just had to get it back, so you went to a lot of effort. Give us a call or text in now. Talking about those times when you've lost something in a hard-to-get place. Yeah, you know it's in there.

It's not lost, lost. It's just out of reach. But it's lost. Yeah. Is it? Is it lost if you know where it is? Well, you haven't got it back, so technically it's... It's not in your possession.

It's not in your possession. But maybe it was a lot of effort to go to to get it back. A man in the UK has had to call in the fire brigade to open a drain. Yes. So that he could sift through sewerage to get his ring back. He destroyed it. It very much looked like the beginnings of one of those fatbergs.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, just more like sludgy black. Yeah. Vicky, what did you lose in a hard-to-get place? So, I was on a boat and I lost my inflatable Simba. So, the cast move was so hard, the captain turned around and they fished it back out for me.

How big was Inflatable Simba? Like a ride on Inflatable Simba? No, like a real life sort of little lion's cup. Right. So lost at sea, the giant ocean. Was this a big boat with lots of passengers? Yes, it was like a ferry type of boat.

There's lots of baby photos of me with that Simba, so it was a sentimental day. Wow, I can't believe that actually turned around for you. That's brilliant. Vicky, thanks for your call. Phil, what did you lose in a hard-to-get place? Well, hey, guys.

I was on a business trip in Dunedin, and my cell phone, I was getting into a lift, and I pulled it out of my pocket, and it literally bounced and jumped onto its side and went down that tiny little gap between the floor and the actual lift itself. Oh, no. And the worst part was, yeah, it was terrible,

because the worst part was it was like, it must have been a Friday evening or something and I was, like, leaving the next day, so there was no way I could even wait for somebody to get it out or anything. But it was a lucky bounce, so you'd say. Well, unlucky for you, but so did you hear it go, did you hear it drop, like, down or, like, were you high up?

Well, we were only one floor up or whatever, but there was a basement, I think, that went down at least one level. So you could kind of hear it clatter on the way down and I was just like, that's not ideal. And it was like brand new. And you never got it back? No, I never got it back. The thing is, even if you had retrieved it, would it have even survived? Well, I don't know.

I think it was a Motorola. They used to build them better back then, but I don't know. Oh, like a Razor. Yeah. Yeah. It was super Motorola. They used to build them better back then, but I don't know. Oh, like a razor. Yeah. Yeah. It was super thin. Yeah. Wow.

Okay. Phil, thanks for your call. Mitchell, what did you lose in a hard-to-get place? Hey, how's it going, guys? Good afternoon. I got a diamond ring that fell off the end of my finger when we were at the Pamule Basin. Back in summer, they do like a cable wakeboarding park. Yeah. And me

and my girlfriend were there and as I was reaching out to grab the rope just to sort of go for a spin my ring, my finger sort of caught the handle and I saw it just sort of you could see it just go in slow motion drop into the water just up the end of the dock. Oh my god.

So we were like oh I saw it exactly where it landed and I was dedicated me and my girlfriend we were there for about 5 hours trying to find it because we saw exactly where it landed but that whole Pamu basin is just full of duck poo

so it's just actually disgusting the bottom of it is like a layer of silt yeah my girlfriend was sort of bobbing up and down The bottom of it's like a layer of silt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my girlfriend was sort of bobbing up and down. We were there bobbing up and down on the edge of the dock, and she ended up picking it up with her feet.

It was just unreal. She found it. She got it. Yeah, she got it. I'd lost all hope. But we actually ended up going home after a couple of hours and getting scuba masks. She's an absolute legend. I've lost all my pay.

I would have called in the Navy or the police dive squad. Yeah, I was going to say, I think I've seen a body down there. Something's down there. If you find a ring as well, let us know. Thanks for your call, Mitchell. Great end to that story. Somebody said, my dad lost his hat on the log flume at Rainbow's End. Oh.

It was embarrassing. They had to pause the whole ride the next time around and get a big pool net to fish it out. The worst part was on the hat, it said, I'm going knocking futts. The look on the worker's face when they finally fished it out and passed it back to dad was unreal. And then he said,

did we really need to save this hat? I dropped my new engraved Zippo down a hole on one of those big green power transformers. Are you doing a big green power transformer? What, like they have at the end of the street? Sitting up there having a durry. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, one of those big ones. I made my mate with really long arms reach down between the cables. I know there's a very minimal chance you'd be able to electrocute yourself on one of those. They wouldn't leave them out in the open, but... Okay.

They also don't expect you to be reaching down in between the cables. Your bloody old orangutan mate with his long arms getting down there in the middle. My sister's a medical rep visiting doctors at Auckland Hospital. She had her keys on top of her files. They slipped off into the lift down there in the middle. My sister's a medical rep visiting doctors at Auckland Hospital.

She had her keys on top of her files. They slipped off into the lift and then down through the gap. Oh no. The patients, the very patient

hospital maintenance man had to close off the lifts during lunchtime and go get her keys by opening up the bottom part and going into the bottom of the lift.

There'd be some good stuff in the bottom of the lift. Oh yeah. You wouldn't want to go there every day. Free parking and monopoly. Be a bit of money, I reckon, too. All the freebies. We were jibbing a ceiling.

It was part of a ceiling that wouldn't have any access. Jibbed it all up, shut it up. The guy was starting to plaster it and I was like, I don't have my phone. My workmate rang it and we could hear it ringing from in the ceiling, so we had to pull the jib off to get back into the ceiling.

That's one of those things they taunt you about when you're a tradie. Yeah, yeah. I never leave. You're not living that down, are you? ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Great news for the environment, guys. What? Global warming stopped. No.

Reef's growing back by itself. No. Oh, unexpected race. I, on Friday after the show, purchased a whole lot of mesh bags. Actually, can I have one? I've got to dry my macadamia nuts in one of those. Well, I ordered like a big, I ordered like two big packs. I think I'm getting like 10.

So when I go to the supermarket, I don't have to use the plastic bags for my mandis, my apples. That's great news. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of the steps you're taking. Thank you. You have a bit of resistance to change

and this is good. No, it's good. No wonder because I'm using my reusable bags at the supermarket and it kind of annoys me that you're still allowed the plastic bags in the fruit section. Well, it makes absolutely no sense,

does it? Makes no sense. Yeah. Makes no sense. So I've done this and producer Caitlin, you're very allowed the plastic bags in the fruit section. Well, it makes absolutely no sense, doesn't it? It makes no sense. Yeah. It makes no sense. So I've done this. And producer Caitlin, you're very proud of me because tonight, get this, we were talking before you guys got here,

Caitlin's going to an eco-talk tonight. I'm going to like a conference about sustainability. This isn't the hot rod fest you're going to because that would counteract any of your eco-sustainability. No, that's different. Very interesting. That's one of my friends' events. Very interesting thing.

You know when your friends attend an event and it pops up on your timeline. Caitlin's attending a hot rod magazine. It's like a vintage car thing and my friends are putting it on, okay? The vintage cars, of course, famously run on electricity and other sustainable eco-friendly. Look, one step at a time, I'm, famously run on electricity and other sustainable... Okay, look.

Eco-friendly. One step at a time, I'm trying my best. That's supporting a friend, so I'm going to go to that. Okay, so this is tonight. Tonight, it's called Beyond Sustainability. And so what is it? What do you do there? Well, I don't really know. I'm going, it's for three hours. It's the other part of

it's Bed, Bath and Beyond Sustainability. Oh, yeah, right. It's the new section in that store. Three hours. This ethical girl I follow on Instagram was like, people should go to this. And I was like, I'm going to go to that. Wait, who are you following on Instagram?

Ethical people? Yeah. I've stopped following all the celebrities during Plastic Free July so that I can follow accounts that... Because they're full of plastic. Because they're full of plastic. Because they're full of plastic. And so I'm trying to be a bit more sustainable, as you know. Right.

And so, yeah, I'm going to sit and listen to this talk about how we can improve our earth. Wait, is it just a three-hour talk? Yeah. You sit there, wow. No, there's food. There's going to be plastic-free food. Is there an intermission?

Free food. Good stuff. But what do they do for three hours? Are they just like, don't use plastic bags? I think there's different speakers on like food waste. Okay. Tell them all for that. Caitlin has had a little snag though.

Yeah. With the problem with this conference. So because I signed up to the group on Facebook, they put up a post on the weekend and they said, now, how's everyone getting to the event? See, I don't a post on the weekend and they said, now, how's everyone getting to the event? See, I don't,

this is my issue. Helicopter. This is my issue is that as soon as you like start in these things, there's a lot of judgment cast around on every other aspect

of your life, hence what Vaughan's doing to you. Yeah, well no. And now they're going to like judge how you're getting there.

No. At least you're trying. Exactly, but they're helping us. So they're saying, here are some options that you can take to get to this event site. Caitlin's like, I don't want to take the bus. Well, no, you can walk. So that's the preferred option.

I can't walk from Glenfield on the shore because you can't walk over the bridge. Where is the chat? Oh, right. Well, no, you can walk the other way. It's just really long. Right. Up the Harbour Highway. You can start now.

Start walking when you get home. You can take public transport, which is what I did over the weekend. Thank you very much. I took a bus to the ferry terminal. Okay. That was quite good. Or you can carpool. Now, I just don't really like talking to people I don't know.

I do sometimes, but I don't know if I'll feel like that tonight because I'm already going to a talk for three hours. So just drive and say you took the bus. Yeah, park down the road. They won't know. And then you walk in, they'll be like, thanks for walking. Lurk in a bush by the bus stop. And then when the bus lets all the people off,

just like merge into the crowd and walk them down. Wow, fellow bus takers. That wasn't another rip-snorting adventure on the public transport. My question would be, is Ubering carpooling? No. Oh, okay. Yeah, there's two people going into the city. Yeah, but the driver wouldn't have been going in if you weren't getting an Uber.

No, but he is now. And then he's going to get someone else, pick someone else up from the city. And he's probably in a hybrid. Yeah, eco cars, right? Yeah. So I might bus in because I'm not, I don't want to bus at 9pm. Because like. Oh, you've got to pass home.

Yeah. They have lights on them. Yeah, I know, but I don't know. Yeah. They have lights. Look, I'm really trying. I know I sound like I'm being silly, but I am trying for our Earth guys.

I have absolutely no position to judge you. I'll let you know what I learned tonight. I was going to say, can you do a little kind of a summary for us tomorrow on the show of what you learned at the Sustainable... Okay, I spent $30 on this ticket, so I'm really hoping I'll get... $30?

Yeah, but it's helpful for their... at the Sustainable. Okay. I spent $30 on this ticket so I'm really hoping I'll get. $30? Yeah. But it's helpful for their, they'll donate it and stuff. I don't know. So, no, I'm really looking forward to it. It's going to be good. Good on you.

You've worked very hard. Saving the planet one step at a time. Yeah. And an Uber. We should be supportive, you two. I lit a fire yesterday.

I am supportive. I am. I think it's great. I bought the bags. Remember I bought them, you two. I lit a fire yesterday. I am supportive. I am. I think it's great. I bought the bags. Remember I bought them? Yeah, but you don't buy them online, Fletch, because they come in plastic. So you buy them at the store and then it doesn't come in plastic. No, but the stores mark them up horrifically.

Oh, gosh. I lit a fire yesterday to get rid of some unwanted cardboard. What I didn't know was there was some polystyrene hiding in the cardboard. Oh, isn't that napalm? That burns very well. Yeah. You know how they're always like, oh, that polystyrene hiding in the cardboard. Oh, isn't that napalm? That burns very well. You know how they're always like, oh, that can't end up in the ocean. Yeah. I've got a solution.

Problem solved. Burn it. That's bad. What's worse? Which one's worse? I'm not sure. A dolphin can't choke on it if it's been burnt. But isn't it bad for this?

How much? How bad? I'll find out tonight, guys. I'll ask the question. Excuse me. Is it better to light a fire? My friend's got some polystyrene. Is it better to let it blow away in the wind or burn it?

Okay, I'll ask the question. Or landfill. I've got a list of seven things that make guys swipe right immediately. This has come from college-aged guys. College-aged guys. There's a lot of Gs in there. So they have specifically said what makes them swipe right. So if you've got

a profile, using these could help you. When you're at college, you're at your most mature and how you act then is likely to be how you act for the rest of your life. No, but reserve judgment because these answers are actually quite interesting. Are they woke? They're a bit woke.

Are they woke? Probably not what you'd expect. Okay. Clear you out then. Okay, so first of all. Boobies. Is that number one? Number one.

A clever bio. So they say if you're looking for a guy who actually wants more than just a hookup, they like to know who you are beyond your face. So they don't want your whole life story, obviously, but they want to know that they can connect with you. So your tone, your humour, what you're about in a clever bio. All in one or two sentences. Yeah.

Good luck with that. Being passionate about something. Because if they're attracted to a girl, like one of the things that attract them apparently was that she is driven to something and she has like a passion for something, you know? So how would you show that? You show that in pictures?

If you were doing like charity work or in your bio? Okay. Yeah, because you wouldn't want to go overboard. Yeah. No. Right with you. Like if Caitlin, for example, Caitlin's got a boyfriend. I don't know if you guys know that.

You've got a boyfriend now, Caitlin. I do. But when you had Tinder, would you put up your tree planting pics on your Tinder? No, I was thinking like you should go in hard. At the moment, you're on this real environmental buzz. So if you're like anti-plastic eco warrior, like it might just be a bit much. A guy might be like, I've got a plastic drink bottle. Yeah.

No, I don't think I'd put that up. But I did put up pictures of when I used to, like, when I went over and volunteered in orphanages. Oh, like in Cambodia or Kenya? Yeah. Okay, yeah. So this is seven things that make guys swipe right. Seeing people alone in pictures.

So we've heard this so many times, like a group picture will put them off because they want to investigate. They don't want to investigate like who you are in the picture. They just want to easily see who you are. So while one group picture is fine, don't make it your profile picture

and don't just put like a whole bunch up with you with a million people. Because you don't want to swipe and then it's not the hot one in the group photo. Fletch. It's true though. Like you said it.

It's not the one that you find attractive. That's what we were implying. Yeah. Having a variety of pictures as well. So if they have a variety, it tells them that you're into lots of different things. This would surely,

so far Megan, this would work for both genders. Yeah. This would both work for guys and girls. I'm only saying that it's guys because it's come from guys. Didn't you have a picture of you and Justin Bieber? Producer Caitlin.

Yeah, I did. That was a really chic photo of me and also Justin Bieber. But isn't it, celebrity's different though. Wouldn't that scare guys off? Did that work for you? Did people say like? Yeah, people did comment on it and then they're like,

oh, you're producer Caitlin, you're the real desperate one. Oh. Yeah, remember when I was real desperate though? Because everything about like dating you guys would be like, Caitlin needs a date. And you made me sit under the sky city and hold up a sign saying date me. Yeah, that was fun. I've got a boyfriend now though, so I don't have to deal with that.

You don't need that. I mean, like, yeah, you definitely didn't tell us about it every day. Having sports gear, actually. Yeah, so it's like good for you to show you have another activity in your life that you like, this is weird because it's like saying guys like girls

who are into sports, but that's a sweeping generalisation isn't it? Like, not everyone's into that. No. So these are the guys that they asked. They said sports gear was cool because then a girl who's into sports is fun. But then if you're not into hiking, you don't want to put a picture up a mountain because you'll be dragged along on these multi-hike

walks. You won't be able to keep up and you won't like it. Yeah. No. Don't hit me for a hike. God damn it. See? I was just talking yesterday to Andrew, my husband, about how we went for a run early in our relationship.

I was like, the only reason we went for that run is because I was trying to impress you. I cannot believe we did that. Like, no. When have we ever been for a run since? No light yogs? No. No light yogs. No way. Pictures of you partying. Not like intense,

but like to show that you like to go out, you like to have fun and you like to be social. That's very good. And full body pictures. The seventh one, I guess to know, like, they just want to know what they're getting into. Yeah.

You know, like, they want solo pictures. You know, a square of your face and that's it. Well, that's how I ended up dating that octopus. You didn't see all the tentacles. No. Misleading. Wildly misleading. Because you were expecting two tentacles.

No, I was just expecting arms and legs. But then I was left with the whole Ursula from Little Mermaid situation, wasn't I? It was a horrible situation to be in. Just the face. Yeah. Right, and tentacles aren't for you. Not for me.

I mean, if they're your buzz, then that's absolutely fine. Wings are more my thing. Yeah. Seven signs. There you go. I sure hope this pre-recorded laughing isn't after something inappropriate to laugh at, but I just want to take a moment to say thanks to Spark for sponsoring the Fletch, Fawn and Megan podcast.

You can grab Spark's $29 prepaid rollover packs and get stacks of extra value. Back to the podcast. Recap, I had a situation where I had a gap that needed a gate. So I thought, and my dad's been away, he comes back this week, I haven't told him and mum that I've built the gate. This is so cute. He's going to be blown away.

You want to make him proud. You've said it from the start. This is going to make dad proud. That's my main thing in life. Are you going to film his reaction? Because we all need to see it now. I think it'll be pretty underwhelming to be totally honest.

I still need to see it. Oh, yeah. Oh, that bit's a bit rough. Yeah. There'll be pretty underwhelming to be totally honest. I still need to see it. Oh yeah. That bit's a bit rough. There'll be something to pick a hole in. Yeah, there'll be something to work on for next time. So I made a gate. I bought all the lumber and people are telling me it's timber. You keep saying lumber.

Lumber's in the American. If you're a builder in America, you say lumber. Just say wood. I think it adds a certain Jenny say quat to it. Because you're so classy. If you say lumber. Just say wood. Oh, I think it adds a certain Jenny say quat to it. Because you're so classy. If you say lumber. Yeah. Under the guise of building this gate,

spent some money on some new tools, which was very nice. So much so, yesterday we went to Mitre 10 to get shut. I wanted some shelves. Yeah. I was on a bit of a roll, so I put some shelves up. And the guy in the power tools department was like, here he is, Mr. DeWalt. And I was like, here he is, Mr. DeWalt. And I was like, ha, ha, ha, yay!

Best nickname ever. That's the brand of power tool that I've bought myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. And he's like, I see you've bought Supervision and pointed at Sade. Yeah, I was like, yay! I felt like, what it must be like to walk into a pub where everybody's like, yay!

I was like, ha, ha, yeah. And it just felt real great. Right. Okay. But yeah, so she was here for supervision. 100%. Yeah, right. Because if she wasn't, I definitely would have bought another saw yesterday because I wanted.

Anyway. So the gate, I got it completed. Yeah. I got the hinges on. But they're, I keep forgetting the name. They're like proper farm gate hinges. They're a bit heavy duty because as I said just before, the gate is very heavy.

It's very heavy. Like moving it was quite a task. Right. To get it out, getting up. But then I had to line up the hinges to put it on, like line up the things.

And so that was going okay, but I had to lift it by myself and the shard A was out and the girls were there and I was like Indy tell me when it's lined up and I was like trying to balance it and then I just lost my balance and the gate fell on me that was embarrassing they were like

oh dad it's under the gate dad are you alright I was like yeah I'm alright I'm alright just stand back so I can get the gate off me so I ended up getting it lined up and getting it on and it swung and it's square and it's sitting level. And I was just like, how did this happen? You did it.

Yeah, I did it. I got the gate hung. I bought a latch for it. It's got a latch on it. I cut a little hole in it so you can put your hand through the gate from the other side and undo the latch. Oh, magic. It's all going.

And Shada came home. I'd love to be able to make something like that. She said, look, this looks great. It actually does look really good. Well done. And Indy said to her, there were more F words used than there are hinges on the gate. Because at the moment, I don't know if they're doing maths at school

where they're like, everything's comparative. So she counted how many times I'd said the F word during the hanging part of it. She is the biggest narc you'll ever meet. And Shade's like, what do you mean? She said, well, Dad said F five times and there's only three hinges. So there are two more Fs than there were hinges.

I was like, I can't fold it. That's pretty good maths there. Yeah. Summization of what happened. Good way to teach your kids maths. Yeah. Yeah. Swearing minus hinges.

Yeah. Equals how much swearing went into this. So it's done. It's hung. It's great. It looks really good. I'll give you credit where credit's due. There were some people who had some suggestions

on how it could have looked better and I didn't need to hear that. Well, yeah, because when I saw it hung because it was a, what was it, an archway? Yeah. Probably the timber should have been to match. To match, yeah.

That's the most popular piece of feedback. That was my thought. No, but then you can see through a little bit, you know? You get a little bit of like... Get a little bit of... A little bit of countryside through the side. That's okay. I'm down.

The idea of it was to keep the goats in the paddock. And it's doing that. Yesterday I had the belt sander out there and I was giving it a bit of a sand in an area that was a bit rough. Why do you need to sand a gate? And Helen, the goat, started licking the belt sander while it was a bit rough. Why do you need to sand a gate? And Helen, the goat, started licking the belt sander while it was going. Yeah! I'm like, I'm like, Helen.

I was like, get out of it, Helen. I'm not turning this off. I'm sanding. I'm sanding here, Helen. And she was like, licking. I was like, are you serious? You stupid dumb idiot. What are you doing? And she was like,

and then came back in And she was like, ah, ah, ah, ah. And then came back in, she was like. Doesn't learn. Stupid goat. Stupid idiot goat. Flesh forner Megan, the podcast, ZM. This is a serious story. A Perth mum has been accused, not accused,

actually convicted of common assault after she smacked her daughter with a wooden spoon. She's been fined $750. So she had told her daughter not to eat some old meat. They'd prepped some old meat with worming tablets. It was burger patties by the sound of it for the dogs. And so she told her daughter, don't eat that. Now she came out to find her daughter eating the burger patties

that had worming tablets in there for the dogs. And she said she lost it. It was a moment of frustration. She'd had a lot of difficulties with her behaviour and she whacked her with a wooden spoon. How old was the daughter? I'm not sure, actually. Okay.

Doesn't say. At least she's not got worms, though. Bloody worms. Kids are always bringing worms home from school. She was nine. Nine, and she ate the wormy meat. She should know better. She should know better than to eat the wormy meat.

But had she specifically said there was wormy tablets in it, because I wouldn't be eating it then, or she just said, don't eat it, because then I'd be like, hmm. Either way, it sounds like old manky meat. Yeah. So, I mean, she got whacked with a wooden spoon and I mean, we all grew up with a wooden

spoon. Not saying that that's okay, but like... I honestly don't think we ever got the wooden spoon. Really? It wouldn't have been enough. We got belt sticks. We got the glad wrap tube. Mum loved, Bev loved the glad wrap tube. Oh, that's all because it's just hollow. The glad wrap tube's have been enough. We got belt sticks. We got the glad wrap tube. Mum loved, Bev loved the glad wrap tube. Oh, that's all because that's just hollow. Glad wrap tube's not got enough length to it.

She's not there. She should have gone for a longer. You've got to get a spring. No, you'd only get it like when it was a new roll of glad wrap. Those things are. So more of a thump. That was a heavy baton. But we got to the point where even just,

so mum had a wooden spoon and a ceramic thing on the bench. Even just the noise of her rattling the wooden spoon in the ceramic jar was enough to be like. She conditioned you. 100% Pavlov's dog. That strikes fear into my heart even just thinking about it. Yeah. Your eye, by the way, when you were saying that,

your eye was like twitching a little bit. I remember her breaking one. I don't think it might have been me or my brother. That only fuelled the flame because then they were angry at you because if you hadn't misbehaved, they wouldn't have needed to hit you and then they wouldn't have broken the spoon. In fact, I think my brother at woodwork when he was younger made her a wooden spoon and wrote mum's paddle.

Wow. So our education system was also funding the abuse. Yeah. Wow. Wow. So, I mean, it's not funny and you shouldn't hit your kids. No, but you were saying your mum would have had quite a few fines. Oh, I tell you what.

What about alternatives like the non, what did you get for like? Like soap in the mouth. For swearing. That was always a threat. That was always a threat. No, I had that and it was like, you put the soap in your mouth and then she'd be like, bite, and then you'd bite it and then she'd drag it out

through your teeth. So it'd still stick on the back of your teeth. What do you do now when your kids misbehave? When you can't get out the wooden spoon. Time out. You take things off them or you give them a time out. You talk to them. You talk to them. Which is a novel approach my parents ever tried.

They tried screaming at us and whacking us. Kick up the arse. They never like sat you down and talked to you. Yeah, right. And tried to work out what was going on. It's a novel approach. Yeah. It's a very novel approach.

But, yeah, we had, well, what else did we have? For non, like more more of a psychological punishment. Psychological warfare from your parents. It was like, oh, there was that time mum sent me to Guantanamo Bay. That kind of sorted you out, though, didn't it? Yeah, I've been very well behaved ever since. You're just part of a terror cell as well. A little trip to Gitmo will certainly sort you right out.

Producer Caitlin, what did Mama Jane do? She wouldn't have had a wooden spoon, would she? I think we did, but I can't imagine her smacking. No, I think I was a bit lippy. So I'd say swear words or I'd be like, not very nice words or something to my brother and sister.

And Mum would put like mustard powder in my mouth. Straight mustard powder? Straight mustard powder. I was obviously so dramatic. I'm dying. She was like doing the cinnamon challenge way before anyone. The mustard powder challenge. And she used to make

you tip a bucket of ice over your head too late. So she was just all about those instant challenge videos before they even happened. And Ternania, did you have any non violent ways of being disciplined? Yeah, they'd just be pretty cheeky, like after the fact. So I'd get a telling off at the time. And then there was one time both me and my sister were in trouble

and there was some tomato sauce that made its way into the vanilla ice cream. That's evil! What? So to ruin, to punish you, she tainted the entire family's ice cream. That's evil! So to ruin, to punish you, she tainted the entire family's ice cream with tomato sauce. No, I think for memory it was just in our bowl. But did you not see it? I thought it was like a raspberry sauce.

It was very young. So she's like, you've both been very naughty, come and enjoy some ice cream. And she also Vaseline the door handles. Your mum's a prankster! She's not a parent, she's not disciplining, Yeah. And she also Vaseline the door handles. What are your mums like? Your mum's a prankster. She's not a parent.

She's not disciplining. She's just pulling pranks on her kids. But that's also going to affect her too because she's got to touch the door handle. Yeah. Like, joke's on you, mum. You've got to wipe that off. She like Vaselines the door handles and sets the house on fire. And she's like, well, see you later.

One step away. Did you eat the ice cream with tomato sauce? Yeah, it was feral. Don't recommend it. I don't think I would have been because tomato sauce is so sweet. No, that's, yeah, yuck. There's no way, nothing would have stood in the way. Caitlin's mum could have sprinkled some mustard powder on the top of that ice cream as well as the tomato sauce. I probably still would have eaten it.

Well, given that you're not supposed to smack your children these days, we want to know the go-to punishment, something non-violent, something a little bit weird and different that your parents did. Yeah, I want to know, yeah, if your parents had an alternative punishment, like the tomato sauce and the ice cream.

The mustard in the mouth. Mm. Yeah. Maybe it was a psychological punishment. Mm. These are very much psychological. Yeah. 0800-DARLES-AT-M-9696.

So a Perth mum has been fined $750 for a common assault on her nine-year-old. She gave her a whack with a wooden spoon. But you're not allowed to do that. She left a bruise. She was very frustrated. Unlike when we were kids and mum would get out the wooden spoon.

We wanted to know your parents' alternative punishments rather than giving you a whack. Was there something else they did? There are some psychological ones coming through, aren't there? Yeah. Real, like, in-your-head situations. Somebody said my bedroom door got removed from the hinges when I slammed it, so I didn't have a bedroom door,

so I had no privacy and I couldn't slam it. That's a good one. Yeah. That's a good one. Yeah. That's a good one. Take the door. Especially for a teenager. You're constantly like, doors stay open.

But then if you're a parent, that's a lot of effort, isn't it? Or that was just my go-to when I was pissy, just slam the door. Oh, I'd take that door. You would not have a door.

I'd put one of those things on it that stops the door slamming and shuts it real slowly. Like an air... They're like, ah, God! Click. That would do the trick. That would do the trick.

That would show them. Holly, what was your alternative punishment? So my dad was, like, a real stickler for making sure our rooms were tidy. So we'd, like, we'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we tidied our room. And he'd be like, all right, well, the plastic bag treatment is starting. So he'd come in with a massive black bin bag and would just take anything that was on the floor. And it was always like panic stations when he'd be like, right, plastic bag treatment. We'd be like, and run into our rooms. And I thought I was real smart by putting it all under my bed and just shoving it into my wardrobe.

But no, no, no, no, no. Then he also went under the bed and into the wardrobe and anything that was out of place just went in the plastic bag. It was terrifying. And then it was, what, thrown out? No, it was just like hidden. Like we had to have, well, although I think I did lose a couple of like Bratz dolls, which was a bit hard, but that's okay. It was a tough day. Wow. It was a tough day.

Wow. It was a tough day. He'd confiscate anything on the floor and what, you wouldn't have it for a few weeks? Yeah, yeah. Or like, well, it was probably like a week, but in, you know, a child's mind, it's like your whole life.

Dad, you're ruining my life, Dad. Dad. Brilliant. Holly, thanks for your call. Lauren, what was the alternative punishment growing up? So when I was naughty, I got told and I was always threatened that you'd eat your dinner in the laundry. And then one night it did happen and it was a cold, dark night.

And I was eating my mashed potato in the laundry because I was being naughty that day. What were you sitting on? Did you have a little table in there? No, no, cold floor, like, you know, just on my bum. Oh, that's so sad. It worked, though, because look at you, it stuck with you so long. You still sound traumatised, Lauren.

Oh, I'm so traumatised. It only happened once. I learnt my lesson. And meanwhile, Mum and Dad are like, it's so peaceful. This is so nice. We should move her to the laundry more often. Thanks, you girl, Lauren. Somebody text messaged in, their siblings

and them used to have such vicious fights that we had something called the punishment jersey, and it was two jerseys sewn together, and so we'd all have to put on the punishment jersey and we'd be literally sewn together. Then our third sibling started getting on it. Mum made alterations and it was a three person jersey. We all had

to put on the jersey and we were just stuck. We had to learn to cooperate to get anything done when we were in the punishment jersey. That's a great idea. Sounds like a fun game for mum and dad to watch. Punishment jersey! That's so good. Somebody else said we would have a fight where we'd whip each other with towels.

Oh, yeah. And after any time it got to that and somebody would, we all had to line up and get a whip from the towel master dad. But it was like, and he said, and we'd threaten to ring the cops, but he'd just say, you can't because I'm just joining in this game you're playing. That's a law. It's a law. That's a law. He's got you there.

Yeah. He's got you there. We used to have to put on helmets and bang our heads together. What, for some light concussion? Well, you had the helmet on. Did that stop the concussion? I don't know. I don't know.

We had to, one day when we were beginning trouble, dad took us out to the garage and we had to make leather belts. And we had to, uh, one day when we were beginning trouble, dad took us out to the garage and we had to make leather belts and we had to put our names on them. And that was our warning. Oh, that is psychological. Yeah. They never got used, but there were leather belts with our names on them that were hung up.

We never quite were naughty enough to warrant getting the belts off that had our names on them for our smack. Um, Tabasco sauce in the mouth. Uh, somebody else said mustard powder on a spoon, but when their mum put it in their mouth, they coughed and it came out their nose and went in their mum's eyes. Not doing that again, are you, mum? And that just made mum way angrier.

Somebody said we used to get shut in the ceiling space. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, fun. No, ceiling spaces are worse than under the house. No, they fall through the ceiling. Then they fall through and it's Dad's fault. Yeah. You're in the ceiling.

You're up there for punishment. Don't stand on any pink bat bits because you'll just come straight through into the lounge. And, oh, my parents would make me go to bed and I used to turn on the light and just read for hours. And so my punishment was they took the light bulbs out of my room. Imagine punishing a kid for loving reading. I love reading so much, Mother. Not in this bloody house, you don't. Take her light bulbs, Steve.

Put her in pure darkness. That's horrible. That sounds like something off like Matilda or something. Someone said My mum threatened me With soap in the mouth But I called her bluff Because I knew

We didn't have a bar of soap So she pumped some hand soap Into my mouth How many squirts? One or two? I got at least two squirts Depends Is it foaming

Or does it stay liquid? Foaming three squirts Normal liquid two pumps Okay Hope it was milk and honey Fact of the day Day Day or does it stay liquid? I don't know. Fiming, three squirts, normal liquid, two pumps. Hope it was milk and honey. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about the world's most expensive cheese.

How much do you think the world's most expensive cheese is? Are we like doing per 100 grams or something? We can do that. We can do per kilogram. Per kg. So what's a kg of Edam at the supermarket? 10 bucks. 10 bucks.

9 or 10 bucks. About 10 bucks, right? 8.50, maybe 7 on special. Right. So a kg of, can you give us a name or nah? Is that, no, no, okay. Pule. Pule.

Pule. I'm going to say $400. Okay. But it's the world's most expensive. Maybe it's $1,000. Okay. Oh, I was going to say less than $400. I don't know, like $600.

I'm going to say 2,000. Oh, you were getting more. Okay. Final answers? Yep. Fletcher's Declicist. 1,890 New Zealand dollars. Well, it's 1,000 pounds for a kilogram.

Wow. 1,000 British pounds. So I just did the old Google currency translate. Would you want to waste it on a cheese toasty? Probably not, eh? What's so special about Poulet? Let me tell you about Poulet. It is a Serbian cheese made from the milk of the

Antida. No, not the milk of the Antida. Great answer though, but no. Is it like a yak or something? It's not a yak. Is it something like a cowish thing? Is it a cowish thing? Yeah

Well, it's got four legs Okay Is it big? It's big No, it's bigger than that It's an elephant A bear? Smaller

No, not a bear Panda No, I just said not a bear A bird? No, it's got four legs. It's not a bird. I said no birds with four legs. No.

You don't know. There might be. Right on. Side search. Are there any birds with four legs? No. Oh, a duck was born with four legs. No. Oh, a duck was born with four legs and it's thriving despite handicap. So Megan's right.

Apologise. A duck was born with four legs. Is purley made with duck milk? No, ducks don't lay milk. Just tell us what it's made from. Donkey. Donkey. Balkan donkey cheese. That is the area they're from.

So is it just really nice or something? What makes it so, obviously it's rare. It's extremely rare and it's very expensive. There's a donkey farm that's 80 kilometres away from Zazavica, if you're going to Serbia and want to go to a donkey. Donkeys are pretty cool. Yeah.

I wouldn't mind a donkey because they're fun. It produces the donkey cheese. It hand milks the herd of a hundred endangered Balkan donkeys. So these are endangered donkeys. Okay.

These aren't your run-of-the-mill donkey. And then sell the donkey cheese to sponsor their conservation work. It's described as a crumbly artisan cheese. It's very white. 25 litres of donkey milk is required to produce one kilogram of the smoky crumbly cheese. Ordering, you have to order well in advance

and due to the fact that these donkeys are so rare. And if it takes 25 litres of donkey milk for one kilogram, it must be a very low-fat content milk. Is it like feta? More like a feta from what I can see. Yeah, more like a feta than an edam. It's a crumbly situation. Oh, okay.

But it's a very expensive cheese. I love cheese. But now I want to try it. But would you try it plain or would you try it on a cracker? But then you wouldn't want the cracker to take away from the cheese. And don't come at me with your quince. This isn't a cheese. But now I want to try it. But would you try it plain or would you try it on a cracker? But then you wouldn't want the cracker to take away from the cheese. And don't come at me with your quince. This isn't a cheese. It's a quince because it's a standalone cheese.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I can't imagine I'd ever be trying it if it's that much. No, I want to see what a Balkan donkey looks like. Because that's what makes it so it's not just your standard donkey. I'm going to have to, I don't want to shut down the tab or use the tab with the duck with four legs because that's going to be a hoot of a video. They're pretty cute.

They're little ones. They're little ones. Oh! Vulcan donkeys. Are they all got big fluffy ears? You should definitely get one of those. No, that's just what a donkey looks like though. That's just a donkey.

You should get a donkey. A mountain donkey. Can you get a donkey? You can make poulet cheese. A lot of milking because I don't want 100 donkeys. That's too many donkeys. Just buy it from the supermarket. It's a lot easier, isn't it?

What, donkey cheese? No, just cheese in general. Just cheese, cheese in general. So many cheeses on offer. So today's fact of the day is the world's most expensive cheese is made from donkey's milk. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. If you wanted to read 200 books a year,

I'll be lucky to probably read five a year. Yeah. Yeah. Megan? I don't think I would have read 200 books in my life. Nah, neither. Last year I was going to try and do a book a month, but I started well.

You've also got to find good books. When people get to the end of a book, and you've seen a person reading a book, and they get to the end and you're like, oh, would you like that book? And they're like, oh, not really. So why do you invest so much time into it? Because you always feel like it's going to get good, something's going to happen, and then you finish it like, no, it didn't.

I've only read one book where I've done that and I got to the end and I was like, I won't be doing that again. If I get halfway through and I'm not liking it, I'm not going to keep reading it. I'm back because I've got a few downloaded on my Kindle and I still haven't read them. What's that one, the guy that started Nike? That one apparently is a good book to read. Yeah.

But I download it, I'm like, I'll read it sometime. What are you planning on? And then I just like- Getting a shoe brand off the ground, you want a little inspiration. No, I just, apparently it's just a really good book.

Right. And because I listened to that, what's it, Business Wars? Yeah. The podcast, that was fascinating Business Wars, the podcast. That was fascinating. 90 versus 80-day assault. I just have trouble because as soon as you sit down and start reading,

I'm like, out. Or your mind wanders too much and you're reading the same page. And then you're three pages and you're like, what was the last thing I can remember from this book? And Stranger Things 3 just came out and I'm like, well, I could be watching that or reading. Watching that. Reading's a little harder. If you gave up the time you spent on social media,

you'd be able to read 200 books a year. Now, a couple of years ago, this was a combined. If you gave up social media and TV, you'd be able to. But now, apparently, it's just social media. 200 a year? Yeah, that's a lot, though. That's four books a week. No, no one's ready.

Even if you didn't have Facebook. But you imagine driving down the motorway and looking across and seeing someone reading while they're driving. Because if you're peeping at your phone while you're driving, that's all time. Yeah, that's all time. Sitting there before you go to bed, if you spend half an hour, that's half an hour you could have spent reading.

But how much are they equating that to? Like an hour a that's half an hour you could have spent reading. But how much are they equating that to? Like an hour a day or like more? Because it's easy to just jump on social media for two minutes but you're not going to go on your book

and read like half a page and then shut it. How do you get your screen time? How do you get your screen time? It's in settings, I think. This is very confronting, by the way, if you were going to do this.

Oh, yeah. I just ignore that. I've turned off my screen time. I tell you what, it's a sweet moment when your partner who's always like, you're always on your phone,

you get your little pep-a-dip and sends you the message and you know you're getting it at the same time each week. You're like, oh, what's yours this week, average use? And there's his IRA and you're like, always on my phone, am I? Wow. Always on my phone, am I? Read a book. Read four books a week for 52 weeks.

The last seven days I've done three hours, 11 minutes a day. That's not too bad. Oh, my God, that's heaps. Well, what's yours? Not that. Oh, my God, that's heaps. Well, what's yours? Not that. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Okay, if we're going to do this,

Vaughan, you have to do this too. Oh, mine will be shocking. Screen time. And then we go past seven. Hang on, past. How do you get to? Eight seconds. I've already been on it for 40...

Sorry, Megan, one percent. You said... Which one do I look at? How many hours per day on average? What's your one? Three hours, 11. Three hours, 18. Three hours, 35.

Three hours, 18 a day? That's mental, eh? But is that counting at the gym when I'm on the cross trainer? That's heaps there. We do lots of social media for work. It sounds like an alcoholic justifying their drinks. How much of these drinks were for lunchtime? I didn't think I had time for those.

How much of these drinks were for my basic hydration? And how much of these drinks did I actually pay for? It's actually fine. It's fine, you guys. Okay, we may have a problem. But that's actually a good point because if you spent

three hours a day reading, you'd do a book in a couple of days, wouldn't you? Yeah. I don't know if I'd be doing four a week with that time.

But it's hard, like you say, if you're using your phone or social media while you're at the gym. Yeah. Have you ever tried running and reading?

It's very hard. Like I always see people running and they're flicking at the gym. Yeah. Have you ever tried running and reading? It's very hard. Yeah. Like I always see people running and they're flicking through a magazine. Like, are you reading? They're just looking at pictures, surely. Yeah. It's hard to focus on the little words.

They're all bouncy. There's an issue that Bali is facing and thankfully we have not been named as one of the nations that do this. Okay. They have said Australian, British or Russian tourists seem to be the problematic ones. They are big packing, they're calling it.

So they are going on holiday and then you might see them holding up signs being like, travel around the world without money, please support my trip. Or like, I travel here and I don't have money for food. You can travel somewhere but then you can't afford to stay there. Like, don't go on holiday. Yeah, holding up signs that they need a bit of help while they're travelling. They're calling it big packing. And they said initially they were providing them with food and shelter,

looking after them, making sure they were okay. But they've become sceptical that some of these big packers are taking advantage of the situation. So what they're saying, they've got the money, they're just trying it on for a couple of hours to get enough food for the day. Yeah, essentially. That's so cheeky.

So now they are handing them back to their foreign embassy and being like, you have to look after them, you have to make sure they're all right. It's not our responsibility. Right. See, I'd give money to some, like a local that was, had a handout. But I don't think

I'd want to help out. Like, I wouldn't, would you feel? No, because they're already in a privileged situation, essentially. You're travelling more than a lot of people

get the chance to already. Yeah. Like, if they were in serious trouble, I'd help them. But if they're, like, asking for money for food or... They shouldn't have gone there

without provisions. Yeah. Or, like asking for money for food or... They shouldn't have gone there without provisions. Yeah. Or like, can't they get like, oh, I probably can't get a job. I don't know. Am I bad? I feel bad saying that now. I'd say to them, what's your Instagram handle? And then I'd go on and I'd see what they've been doing.

I'd be like, you enter the paddy fields. You enter that swing. And ghillie tee. Or if they're like putting on their rough clothes and begging and then doing these bougie-ass things on their Instagram, then they're having you on. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good way to prove it, actually.

But just be wary if you're playing on. Just run and order before you hand out some money. I will give you the equivalent of two New Zealand cents, but first I need to run my background Instagram check. Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

And New Zealand lives here. ZM.