ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - July 09 2018

Episode Date: July 8, 2018

The first meeting of the ZM Book Club, your customer service voice and what is your partner really into from their hometown?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. You can stay connected with free Wi-Fi a gig a day on the $19 Spark prepaid rollover pack. Enjoy. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Good morning. I woke up this morning, the first thing I did was check the news alerts to see about the cavers. The boys stuck in the cave. Four of them out.

Did Elon Musk actually get over there and like help them out or? Well he said he had two ideas. He was going to get a long tube and run that through there so they could just like crawl out through the tube and then he was making a child sized submarine which I'm guessing

is just like a pill that they could pull through rather than it actually drove through. They just decided they couldn't wait because the rains are coming. So how would that conversation have gone down? Because I just imagine like everyone here, like we're all attention seekers and it's all me, me, me. Like if we were stuck in a cave and they were like, oh, look, only four of you can go.

Oh, right. Who would go? Who would go? Well, they said the most exhausted boys went out first. So I'd just be like, I need to go, guys. I'd do burpees just before they got there. Nothing exhausts you like burpees. Right.

Because they said that they had to swim in total like a K under the water. That's insane. And like none of them K under the water. That's insane. And like none of them could swim before that. That's what I read. I thought there was a K where they would be in water, not underwater. Oh, okay. Maybe in some form of water. That's what I read and I thought that didn't sound right, but...

That's insane. That is insane considering they can't swim. They had no diving training. So that's why I guess they had to split them up and it takes a while. How old did they get in there? I guess they got in before the rains. No but it's just

after soccer practice they're just like let's go into this cave. I'd be like alright well we're five minutes in let's turn around and go back. Yeah. They must have been

trekking in there for an hour or so at least. The whole situation when we hear the whole story of it's going to be very interesting. Yeah. Four of them out so far

and they reckon by midday the rest will be out. Is that right? Are they going to try again at midday? Oh, okay, right. Is it so it's been overnight? Right. Oh, yeah, first light. True, yeah.

First light in Thailand. Six hours behind in Thailand, eh? Keep you updated throughout the morning for any further developments. All right, you lot. Listen up. It's story time. Three news headlines.

Morning, Megan. You've got to pick one of these headlines. Headline one, pilots, $3 energy drink in the cockpit ends in $100,000 in damage. Headline two, artists work, bugs people. And headline three, police investigate after man seen moving cow in the back of a car. I know. Very hard to get them to go anywhere, really.

Must have been a pet. Very friendly and small. And small. Yeah, small one. Looks, yeah. So did, number one, they spilt their energy drink on the console of the, was it a plane? Mm. Yeah.

It's quite obvious from that headline what happened. Yikes. Whoopsie. Mid-flight or pre-flight? Sounds like mid-flight. Oh. Yeah. Hell of a time.

But, you know, you just take the risk, don't you? Because I spill stuff on the keyboard all the time and it's fine. Yeah. But you cleaned your keyboard the other day. Did you get that working? Nope. You had to buy a new keyboard? Yeah.

Oh, shit. It's very cheap now, keyboards. Keyboards. Yeah. I've not gone for a branded. I didn't go for another Apple keyboard. Oh, you can't have a nice Apple and then have a rockery keyboard. No, it's ruckery keyboard.

No, it's like a smaller keyboard. It's a black plastic one. Yeah. So it doesn't go with it, but it's wireless. Right. It does the trick. We don't use that computer heaps anyway. Right.

Mostly for Skyping. You're giving Fletcher conniption. Literally. It's OCD. It doesn't match. The whole computer needs to be replaced. Right. Okay.

Okay. We'll do it soon because I don't want to come around and see that not matching. I'm going to send you a photo. A daily update of, and I'm going to have it like. The not matching. Not lined up with the bottom of the desk. Oh no. And then not lined up with the centre of the monitor either.

God, what a monster. Okay. Was that artist does something that bugs people? Artists work bugs people. You want to go for that one? We go to the Philippines. Okay. Where, did you see the latest from their president?

You know, they've got that out of control president. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Prove to me God exists. He's like, prove to me God, what did he say? Prove to me God exists and I'll resign. Yeah. Because, you know, everyone wants him to resign and he's like, prove he exists. He's like, prove to me God. What did he say? Prove to me God exists and I'll resign. Yeah. Because you know, everyone wants him to resign

and he's like, prove he exists. Wait, is this the guy that executes drugs? Yeah. Yeah. And he's out of control.

I thought he was a religious man. I thought that was kind of his. I did too, but. I thought that was fueling his. I don't know, but I was like,

oh, maybe I'm on board with this guy now. But no, he still like kills people. He's out of control. Duterte? Duterte?

Yeah. Rodrigo Duterte? Oh, okay, that's interesting. Proves me God exists. He'll resign if someone, I've just Googled it. I'll resign if someone can prove to me that God exists. Until then, he's staying put. Wow.

Yeah, he's out of control. Because he's a dictator, eh? Or nearly a dictator. He's on his way. He's on his way. Alright, we go now to the Philippines and a sculptor, an artist Gabriel Tuazon was at home in the

Philippines when a cockroach flew in through his window. And they fly, don't they? Yeah. You forget that. They can. And when you go to like Southeast Asia or the islands and you see giant cockroaches, you're just like... Well, he did want to squash it, but he didn't want to make a mess. Okay.

And that's when he came up with an idea as an artiste. Yeah. To make a tiny little chair and wire it up to a battery. Yeah. And I'm going to show you his artwork here. A cockroach electric chair. Oh my God! Which, aside from the cruelty, whether or not you think this is cruel or not,

looks pretty incredible for a piece of art. Does it work? It does work, yes, because the video he posted, Warren. But then you have to touch the cockroach to strap it into the electric chair. Well, yeah. I know, obviously. Put gloves on. He has.

So, anyway, he posted this video of him electrocuting a cockroach in this amazing electric chair. Yeah. And that's when people laid into him. And, of course, he's got a bit of stick and flack. Right. Because people are saying, yeah, you know, it's animal cruelty. Right. Did the cockroach survive? Because you know,

they're supposed to survive. Well no, it's dead. He actually put it in a little matchbox coffin. R.I.P. afterwards. Oh my god, that's so messed up. Because like a lot of people obviously, you know,

if someone was doing this to a cat or a dog, it'd be like appalled. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When it's a cockroach, like where do you draw that line? Where does your ethical line start? Some people,

like even little natty flies or sand flies are like, oh no, you can't do that. Why? Well, I'll slap them to death. It's like that billboard,

the vegetarian billboard. It's got all the animals and it's like, oh yep, you wouldn't eat this one. Where do you draw the line? Yeah. And then there's like that billboard, the vegetarian billboard. It's got all the animals and it's like, oh, yep, you wouldn't eat this one. Where do you draw the line? And then there's like cow, pig and sheep down one end. I'm like, just there.

And also like if I was hungry enough, I'd go this way a couple more. And also like what if it was a post-apocalyptic world, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd have to move that line. Yeah. Yeah. We'll be eating dogs. I just tried to watch the video and I can't do it. I have to stop. I can't.

I don't want to watch him get electrocuted. Because he's wriggling around and then you realise like it's a real thing. But nothing's going to be as traumatic as that scene in the Green Mile where he doesn't sponge that guy's head. Oh, good lord. That was a harrowing watch the first time.

Tom Hanks was very disappointed. Yeah. As wasanks was very disappointed. Yeah. As was Billy Green, that guy that's in all of those movies, but nobody knows his name. No, so you said that. I don't know. He's the guy.

He's the other guard. Oh, right. Yeah, that guy. Oh, yeah. What is his name? I think it's Billy Green. I listened to a whole podcast about him, about how everybody knows his face,

but nobody knows his name and how sad that is. Oh, there are so many actors like that. Yeah. How do you ask for a selfie? Hey, you. Hey, champ. Dude. Have a selfie. And then what do you caption it?

Well, at least you can go on IMDB since then, look it up. KFC in Australia had a competition called the Chicken Check. Now, this was for proving why you were KFC's biggest fan on their Facebook page. Right.

You would win KFC for a year. Oh, I wouldn't want that. I don't need the temptation. No, it was like, do you remember years ago in radio? Mm-hmm. When it was you and I first started working together. Mm-hmm. McDonald's gave some people a golden card,

which meant you could just get McDonald's anytime. Oh, people that worked in radio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They gave them to some radio announcers. Do you remember that guy that put on 25 kgs in a year? Yeah, they stopped doing that, didn't they? Yeah, because it wasn't good for anybody. It wasn't a great look for them. It wasn't a great look for the guy.

And, you know, for people that can't say no, yeah. Yeah. He was dry. Every time he got in his car, can't say no, yeah. Yeah. He was dry. Every time he got in his car, I think he got a feed. Wow. Yeah, not a lot of willpower there. But then what do you do if you had free food?

Oh, yeah, it'd be pretty hard to say no to. And some radio, too. Yeah, we love free stuff. So a 19-year-old from Penrith in Sydney won and was crowned Queen of Chicken 2018. What a great title. Queen of Chicken. Well, Brooke and Brielle won because at Schoolies last year.

Yeah. Schoolies, which is the end of... Is it before exams? It's after. After exams. I thought it was in that weird time you had off school where they were like, make sure you study. Nah, otherwise nothing would get done.

I was going to say, okay. Because, you know, it goes down at schoolies. It's out of control. They go crazy after finishing school. She won because her and her friend Brielle got KFC tattoos at schoolies. As you do. Nothing creative like a nuggie or a drumstick. They literally got the KFC logo on their foot.

And at the time, that wasn't to win anything. They just loved the nuggs or they loved the chicken. They just got it done because they love KFC. And they were drunk. Fair to say. Oh, my God. And I tell you what, there are other people who are a little bit

ropeable about it because one of them actually got KFC tattered on the inner lip. I thought I would have won given, you know, we've both got tattoos but this is the crazier place. Yeah, but you can't see that. The only way you can see that is you look stupid and pull your lip down.

Like that's hidden technically. And some of the guys got a full portrait of the colonel tattooed on the top of his foot. Oh, wow. But he obviously just, it's just him. So there's no, it doesn't go with anybody else. Yeah, right. So what do they get? What's a whole year's worth of free KFC?

A free KFC for a year. It doesn't, in where I've been reading, stipulate what that actually... Because would that be a quarter pack every day? Okay, so $100 worth of KFC products each week for 52 weeks. So $5,200 across the year. Or if you

broke it down, $450 three-piece packs. Oh, God. Okay, yeah. So you could have a three-piece pack a day and more. You'd be giving that to your mate, so there's no way you'd end up the size of a packs. Oh, God. Okay, yeah. So you could have a three-piece pack a day and more. You'd be giving that to your mate, so there's no way. You'd end up the size of a house. Everywhere you went, you'd be shouting, surely. Even if you did it once a week or every couple, like...

Yeah. It's not... They'd be people... They'd need to do a follow-up story a year from now on this. See how she's going. On these two chicks and see, and see if they've put off. But it might put her off and then she's got the tattoo and she's like, well, I don't like it anymore.

Constant reminder. Yeah. Turn it into something else. I don't know what you turn it into. Yeah, I'm just looking at it and I'm like, um, I don't know. It always surprises me what people get their tattoos covered up with other tattoos. Yeah. Tattoo artists are very clever people,

so they'll be able to come up with something. A black panther. Just colour the whole thing in. And put a head on it. Well, Caitlin, hello. Hello. Did you watch much TV over the weekend? A little bit.

Yeah, a little bit. What you watching now that Australian Love Island's finished? UK Love Island. Okay, good. I don't think Caitlin needs this. What? They've not cancelled it, have they? Quite the opposite.

It has been confirmed that Love Island will run for another five seasons. The UK Love Island. Yeah. This is the, they're in the fourth or fifth one at the moment. I haven't actually seen the first two. That's what I could do this weekend. Oh, God. The first two seasons. Don't go back. Oh, mind you,

Montana was my favourite last season. Montana? It's not Montana. Oh, okay. Just say it. It's Montana. Montana. She was pretty hot. Like the wine, not the state. Montana. Montana, not Montana. Yeah.

And you can't blame the network that makes it ITV2, as it the state. Montana. Montana, not Montana. Yeah. So and you can't blame the network that makes it ITV2 as it has broken viewing records for the third time in this season. So it keeps breaking its own records. Oh my god guys, it's getting so good. Like it's real juicy.

I think it's almost getting better than the Australian one at this point. Because everyone's fuming. Everyone's angry at each other. Lots going down. We went out two things about this Love Island situation. We went out for dinner with friends and my wife and her friend were like, oh my God, that Megan on Love Island is one of the most beautiful women.

Have you seen her pre-surgery? I have not seen her pre-surgery. Let me show you her pre-surgery. And then they spent 10 minutes with two side-by-sides saying what she'd changed. So it's like infiltrating every aspect of life. Because she said her lips done right, but I didn't know. She's got a whole new face. Really?

You can't tell that that's her. Yeah, she's like, oh, she's one of the most beautiful women. I'm like, she's not really. Oh, she's so beautiful. But also she's proper muggy. I don't tell that that's her. Yeah, she's like, oh, she's one of the most beautiful women. I'm like, she's not really. Oh, she's so beautiful. But also, she's proper muggy. I don't like Megan. I know what that means. Are you ready for your wife, though, Vaughn, to be five more seasons of this?

Yes, because there's a new Spider-Man game coming out on the PlayStation. And I love Spider-Man games. You're getting a lot of time. Huge amount of PlayStation time. That's I'm getting good PlayStation time. Redemption 2 is coming out. There's so many good games coming out that I'm okay with there being Love Island. Right.

Because it gives me gaming time. Are you guys going to spend any time together? Yeah, she sits on the couch watching the iPad and I sit on the couch next to her playing the PlayStation. That's together. It's in the same room. That's straight up togetherness. The other thing, last night I was getting ready for bed.

Try to get in early night. I come out into the lounge to say goodnight to Shadow. She's watching Love Island on the telly. I'm like, what's this going on here? And what's he called? The narrator, the British one's like, all right, it's time for the Ministry of Soundhouse Dance Party. Here come the, what do they call them?

The Love Island, the Islanders or something. They're just the Islanders. Yeah. And so there's like this big Ministry of Sound thing. And it'll light up logo and the DJ's like, wugga wugga wugga, chicka chicka, bar bar bar. Oh my God, you don't understand. Lights flashing.

There's like 10 of them on a dance floor and it is so awkward. Imagine you'd be like, the producers are like, all right, we're having a Ministry of Sound Dance Party. There's only 10 of us here. No, it's because they won the competition and they get to have,

it's their reward. It was not a reward. It was my idea of a punishment being made to like dance around with like next to no people. Oh God,

it looked horrible. I was like, this is the lamest dance party I've ever seen in my life. You're just jealous. She's like, oh no, that looked,

that's so stoked. Well, you've got seen in my life. You're just jealous. She's like, oh, no, look, they're so stoked. Well, you've got five more seasons to look forward to, Caitlin. FVM, the podcast. So wearing a tie to work could be bad for you. So some researchers have done an experiment, a study, where they asked half of men in the study to wear a tie and half to wear open collar. Okay. Like an open collar. Okay.

Like an open collar. Sure. No tie. Yeah. How many buttons undone? Maybe two. If you've got a hairy chest, only do two, maybe. Unless you just want a little bit to poke out.

You want a little bit to poke out? I don't know. So they found, the university researchers, that basically it cuts off circulation, bit of blood, it restricts blood circulation. Well, that's just because you're just wearing it too tight. Slows down the brain's processing and limits your thinking skills. Oh, we're just going to hear about this study any time we have to dress formal and you're like,

I don't want to wear a tie and a shirt. Because remember, because of the study. It cuts off my blood. I don't want to wear a tie and a shirt. Because remember, it cuts off my blood. I don't know how people wear ties every day to work. Yeah. Like a suit and tie. Oh, I hate it. Yeah, like when I do a wedding, I'm just like, get me out of this immediately. But if you're doing it all the time, you get used to it, right?

I guess so, yeah. I mean, you think like people go to school and they wear formal. Yeah. You know, some private schools, you wear a tie every single day. They found that the group wearing ties had 7.5% less blood flow to their brain. Wow. And this was just a Wednesday night. If you were wearing a suit and tie every day, you'd get the button moved right so it was loose and then just have the knot.

I mean, I guess it depends on your neck, though, doesn't it? Yeah. Some people have a skinny neck and it's okay. Yeah, did it vary between guys, like, like the shirts too tight on some fat necks? It doesn't go into fat necks or not. Oh, fat neck syndrome's their next, obviously, their next stop for the study. They were just asked to wear a wind, so it's just a Windsor knot, a plain, just your standard normal Windsor knot.

Yeah. And so I guess, yeah, it limits your creative abilities because you're getting less blood to the brain. Student council are taking this to the committee today. Or take it to HR. Yeah, to get ties banned from the school and or workplace. Yeah, it would affect your learning

if your blood's being cut off to your brain. I said it before, there's that danger of it getting caught in the lathe. If you're trying to be a formal woodworker, there's a big risk. Don't go too formal in the workshop because it could get caught in the lathe and it will strangle you. I don't think anyone's wearing a suit and tie in a woodwork shop. In woodwork, did you get the horror stories about the long hair in the lathe?

Oh, yeah, always. Always. Yeah, they love a horror story, don't they? And those more technical. But what do the private schools do at, in woodwork? Do they have a special uniform for woodwork? Do you have to take your tie off? They just get the poor kids to do their woodwork, don't they?

I think so, yeah. I need a herb shelf built and I'll pay someone $500 to do it. I don't know if that's good money or not. Is that enough? Is that enough? I don't know. Oh my God money or not. Is that enough? Is that enough? I don't know. Oh, my God. Look at this one coming.

No tyre or anything. The lead's over there, boy. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Well, not happy with Wellington Harbour getting all the attention. It seems a humpback whale, described as bigger and better than the southern right whale, has been spotted at the entrance to Otago Harbour.

The Royal Albatross Centre, which is out there, that manager Chris said he saw the humpback whale swimming around 10am on Sunday. It was by itself and described as about the size of a camper van. But also bigger and better than a southern right whale.

Can't they just be non-competitive for a moment? Couldn't they just be two majestic creatures of the ocean? It was good for tourism. You want to get it out there. But it didn't come right in and swim past town for everyone to come down and have a gore cat. True, true. But, you know, with Dunedin's sketchy history of gun violence,

someone probably would have taken a shot. Maybe, yeah. It was spotted out by Aramawana, so. Okay. It happened. That's a fact. You can't deny it. So, today's top six, it got me thinking.

Great for Wellington morale. You know, they cancelled the fireworks, but nobody was too bummed about the Matariki fireworks. Is that going to get there this weekend? Yeah. Big, big traffic jams, because everyone's trying to get a look and drive around the bay. Yeah, yeah.

And there's people down there. I don't know if the whale's still there or any sightings about over the weekend. I didn't hear anything. I don't know. It might have moved on. But the top six ways to lure a whale into your harbour. Okay. To make everybody feel better.

Number six. Promise it. A whaley good time. Okay. Number six was going to be Something inappropriate about the blowhole But I didn't do that But then you did do that Well no I didn't

You couldn't let it go I thought it was going to be something inappropriate about humping About a humpback That's true Could have been but it wasn't Because it's classy Number five on the top six ways to lure a whale into your harbour, paint Greenpeace on the side of a boat and be like,

psst, come with me if you want to live. And then it'll be like... It's okay. And then it'll just follow you. You should make a compilation of whale sounds to go to sleep to. That was good. That was good. That was lovely. Number four on the list of the top six ways to lure a whale into your harbour. Put a sign up that says, free krill, eat as much as you want, no judge.

They love krill. They do, yeah. Huge fans of krill. Number three on the list of the top six ways to lure a whale into your harbour. Get one drunk. And when they pass out to lure a whale into your harbour. Get one drunk. And when they pass out, just tow them into your harbour. And then when they wake up, they'll be in your harbour. And they'll be hungover, so they'll want to hang around for a little bit.

Yeah. Just to take it easy. Yeah, and you'll be like, man, you were out of control last night. They'll be like, ooh, what did I do? And they say, I'd hang around in this harbour for a while if I were you, because out in the open ocean. Yeah. You've worked yourself quite a rip. Yeah.

Number two on the top six ways to lure a whale into your harbour, another sign. The sign says, all whales welcome, except killer whales. You guys are assholes. Because you know why killer whales, orcas are called killer whales? Because they used to be whale killers. They're not whales, they're porpoises. I know.

But they would kill, they kill whales. Because're porpoises, but they would kill whales. Because I was watching that, what was it? Blue Planet? Blue Planet, the Antarctica one. And those orcas. Was it the baleen and the pilot? They team up on the mate. They're insane.

Yeah, they teamed up and they went them. I was like, you naughty whales. That's one of yours. No, you naughty orcas. You naughty orcas. But yeah, you're right. They're called killer whales, but they're not. They're porpoises. They're whale killers. Yeah. yeah, you're right. They're called killer whales, but they're not. They're whale killers.

Yeah. Yeah. Because that's what they used to be called, whales. That's why I see those people kayaking around killer whales. I'm like, you be careful. They'll bloody nudge your boat. No, never in the wild have they killed a human. Really?

The only humans they've killed have been the ones in captivity. Sea whale? Yeah, they're trainers. Yeah, but do you want to take that risk to be the first? No, God no. No, no. Heavens, heavens no. But yeah, but do you want to take that risk to be the first? No, God no. No, no. Heavens no. But yeah, like there was that footage

over summer, eh? Yeah. Swimming around those kids. And they're just like, the dad's just like, just chill out! Stay calm! They'll be right. They'll be right. Don't look like a girl. They'll be right. Stay calm! The kids are like, ahhh!

I said, stay calm. You stay calm too. And the number one way to lure a whale into your harbour for today's top six. You know what whales look? Oh, Christ. A little bit of burley, mate. A little bit, and I'll tell you what's good burley. You've triggered Caitlin. Salmon burley. mate. Little bit. And I'll tell you what's good burley. You've triggered Caitlin.

Salmon burley. They don't eat salmon. No, because it's too big, mate. But you know why? They like burley. It's already noodled up. It's noodled up, mate. And you know what?

Because whales, they're mammals like you and me. And this guy here, they're like the Omega 3. Because they've got to remember where they're going out there in the ocean, mate. They've got to remember where they left their babies. They've got to remember what a Japanese whaling ship looks like to give it a wide berth. A lot of memory required for a while. So, you know, I reckon to get the video started. A little bit up early, mate.

That is today's Top of Six We want to know We saw this over the weekend And thought it applied brilliantly To producer Caitlin Who will be screaming at us Very, sometimes aggressively Behind the scenes

Barking orders You guys suck Very, sometimes aggressively. Oh, behind the scenes. Behind the scenes. Yeah, barking orders, barking orders. You guys suck. Never listen to me. Never listen to me. Why don't I have a boyfriend? Hey, now. I need a boyfriend. Where's my bloody love island drink bottle?

That is really annoying. Hopefully that'll rise soon. That's behind the scene. But then, so we see this online. And then, so she's yelling at us and then she has to answer the

phones for something work related and it immediately becomes ZM hello like that the sweetest

person in the world I know so sweet please hold there no swearing make sure your

radio's turned off that's good people love me because they don't get the screamy you they get the pleasant yeah yeah turned off. That's a good thing. People love me. Because they don't get the screamy you, they get the pleasant you.

Yeah, well they listen to me. Every now and then if like the bank calls or you've got to call insurance, I do want to say to

people and it relates to this meme, I just want to say, what do you really talk like? Like they sound so, I'm like, no, that's not a real person. What do you really talk like? Like they sound so,

I'm like, no, that's not a real person. What do you really sound like? Because this man we saw said, does anybody have a completely fake customer service voice that they use at work? It's like having a separate personality. Because when I talk on the phone, I'm just pleasant. I don't think my voice changes. You're just like, hi, yeah, okay.

Yeah, no, I can't fake. Whereas Caitlin is like a complete opposite. You've got to have a smile plastered on your face and that changes the way that you say things like, hi, yeah, sure, yeah. Yeah, we'll get that song off for you, no problem. She lies through a smile. Like Caitlin has control of the song.

We ain't getting that song off. You know, we're making dreams come true. Welcome to ZM. I answer my phone like that as well. This is my personal phone. I'm like, ZM, hello. I mean, hi. Hello.

Oh, that's right. I'm not at work. Hi, Mum. So we want to know who's got a customer service voice That's listening right now We want to hear it So we want you to call And we just want to talk to you

But then we want to hear Your customer service voice Yes Yeah And maybe you work actually Like face to face With customers Yes

As well Like not just on the phone So maybe they come in To reception or whatever And then you have to Turn on the customer service Yeah And then they leave

And you're just like, oh. Yeah, you go home and you're a real. Cute. When's my ciggy break? Hi, welcome to reception. That kind of thing. Hold on.

I'll just put this out. Yeah. James. Yeah, how are you, mate? James, producer, do you have a customer service voice? You're pretty much the same, aren't you? Yeah. I mean, I have to answer the phones as well.

I probably just go up an octave with my voice. How does that go? I'd be like, hello, ZM. That's the same. That's the same. No, but he definitely has better mannerisms. He's like, yeah, yeah, sure, yeah. But then with us, he's just like, doesn't even talk to us.

He's finishing with have a great day or something like that. Yeah. Have a great day. You get it with, have a great day or something like that. Yeah. Have a great day. You get out there and have a great day. Okay, so we want to hear your customer service voice. 0800-DIALS-NM. You can text 9696 as well if you can't get through. And we can call you back.

And yeah, I don't know. Maybe I want to hear some stories as well when you've had an absolute shocker of a day and you've had to turn on your customer service voice too. Like maybe something bad's happened. You've just got some bad news and then you have to, maybe we could role play that. Yeah. Like, you know, you've just had some bad news. Let's not go full bad news.

You don't want to rattle. How bad news? Like no one's dead. Oh, I want to test people's customer service. Oh. No, because you wouldn't, you just wouldn't be like, oh God, I've just had some terrible news. Mum's died.

Hello? Yeah, I think you'd some terrible news. Mum's died. Hello? I think you'd be allowed to leave the call centre. But that's the thing. You have to turn on your customer service voice and be professional, don't you? Through thick and thin. No. No. I don't think they're probably paying anybody enough to kind of like smile through the death of one's mother.

All right. Give us a call with your customer service voice. So we saw a meme online over the weekend about customer service voices, fake customer service voices. It made us think of producer Caitlin. She's not screaming at us, actually. She has a very pleasant phone manner. Oh, she does.

You'd think she was like that all the time. Not true. Not true. Not true. But then we get that. Like, you know, you've got to deal with people on the phone. You've got to have a good manner. Yeah. You've got to be friendly and nice.

You're representing a business. Exactly. So, yeah, we wanted to know what your customer service voice was. Good morning, Jess. Jess. Oh, I'll press the button. Good morning. Now, is this your customer service voice or is that good morning your customer service? No, this is just my voice.

Okay, just normal voice. That's just your normal voice. So your job, we won't say where you work, but you deal with people's taxes. Yeah. That kind of gives it away because there's only really one place

that deals with taxes, isn't there? And it's a three-letter acronym. Oh, KFC. Yes. So you deal with people's tax refunds at KFC. Now, give us your customer service voice. Megan, you call.

You call. Pretend that you need some help with your taxes. Okay. Hi, speaking with Jess. I understand you're calling me about a personal tax summary today. How can I help? Hi, Jess. That was good.

That was good. That was very good. Jess, every paycheck I get, there seems to be money missing. And my boss told me to ring you guys to talk about it. Apparently you're getting it. You're the ones taking it. Can I get that back, please? That actually happens, though.

Oh, my God. You're kidding me. People are like, what's this tax thing? How come I can't just have one tax code for all five of my jobs? Why have I got a bill this year? It's not fair. Can you like stop taking my money? Do you have like a really

bad day but then you've still got to put on like your customer service voice? Every call you have to act like you're happy to be there. No. If people don't get a huge refund, you know, they can be quite upset about it and frustrated. I bet. It's not like I hold the purse strings

or anything. So have you been sworn at recently? Yep, two or three days ago. Oh, I had to smile through that as well.

So I couldn't do it. That's why I couldn't do it. I swear back at them. Thanks for calling, having a great day and thanks for calling me a bitch. Hey, thanks for your call Jess.

Rachel, you've got a customer service voice. Good morning, yes. This is my normal voice. I work in deliveries and I've just finished training. On Friday, I was training with a guy and he ended up having a little bit of a nana at me and we were literally yelling and screaming at each other like a married couple the whole morning. And then we get into places and I'm like,

hi, am I from Canon Hygiene? I'm just here to do a service. Get back in the van. Oh my God. So you're literally mid-scream and then you pause to turn it on. Yeah, yeah. We were fully yelling at each other until we get to the door and then we're like, hi, we're from Canon Hygiene.

We just need to do a service. What a great customer service. You're so warm and friendly. Yeah, it did have a very friendly tone to it, didn't it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Come on in. We've got no complaints at all.

Clean this stuff. Yeah, no. No one would ever know that I was in a bad mood. That's good, though. That's a sign that you're very professional. Yeah, that was my brief. I try. My brief standing customer service at the petrol station

back in the day. They always said, you don't look happy. I'm like, well, I'm working at a petrol station at 6am on a Sunday morning. Yeah, I'm stoked. I'm not happy. Thanks, you call Rachel. Some text messages in. I work in customer service, but over online chat. So it's one of those little pop-up, can I help you?

I've always wondered where those go to. Yeah, well, it's one of those that will pop up can I help you? I've always wondered where those go to. Yeah, well it's an actual person apparently. Sometimes it's a robot but this is Yeah, yeah. I just thought it was a robot.

An actual person. And because I have to get across a happy nature Yeah. I find myself saying words like splendid, marvellous, fantastic.

I never ever say these in everyday life but John Campbell Is that splendid? Yeah. Marvellous. And is there anything these in everyday life Is that John Campbell? Yeah Marvellous And is there anything else I can help you with today? No thank you You've been very helpful

Absolutely marvellous Have a most fantastic day Splendid to talk to you Sign off with that But in real life My favourite word's the C word Which of course you can't say You can't say

No Somebody said I've got a customer service voice. If I answer the phone, all my workmates end up in fits of laughter around me because it's so different to my everyday voice. It's horrible because then when they're laughing, I can't stop myself from laughing. And then I just sound even worse than I did before that. So your customer service voice definitely alive and well.

FEM. Well, England are through to the next round. What are they called? I'm no good at working out what's a quarterfinal and what's a semifinal. No, think of a circle.

Quarter, there's more. There's four. Semi, there's two. But is it four games or four teams? Semi. Semi's two games. Yes.

And then that leads to the grand. Quarters. Thank you for, Megan's taught me something. Wow. Semi-circle. So the next semi-final is France and Belgium and Croatia, England.

Yeah. Croatia beat Russia. So they might not be there. They might not make it. They beat the home team. It's happening in Russia and they beat Russia. And then it'll be the final. Yes.

And England is apparently just wildly out of control. I could not believe the videos I saw yesterday. It's 30 degrees in England, which is unheard of. Did you see that rubbish truck that sunk into the road? Yes. It's so hot, the road

and this road in its existence has never experienced temperatures like it. And a rubbish truck stopped to pick up one of those skips. And when it stopped, the weight of the rubbish truck just meant it sunk into the road. Because it's so hot. It's just not built for it. No, England's not built for this sort of heat. Everyone in Australia is laughing because they're like, oh, it's 30 degrees.

They can't cope. No, they can't. I mean, we get to 30 here in places. Oh, yeah, we feel it. It'd be a weird 30 in England, I'd imagine. You know when places that aren't meant to get hot get hot? It's a weird heat. Mum's over there doing a travel blog.

She's in England at the moment. She said it's very hot and it got quite humid yesterday. I hope she's got a big drink bottle to take on her walk. Oh, yeah, no, she's all kitted up. She'll need to keep well hydrated on her big walk. So some of the things that are going crazy, it's just officially got to number one. The song that was released in 1996 for the Football World Cup.

It's called Three Lions. It's coming home. You've probably seen if you've got English friends and they've been out drinking. Because my friend went out to the pub in England and he said the song would play and everyone would sing along. And then whoever's in charge of music would play one of the song and then some drunken guy would be like,

play the football song again. And they'd play it again and again and again and again. Right. It's inescapable and if you're not in a bar where it's playing, you're walking down the street and people are singing it. Are they not counting their chickens? Like, they're going to get, I kind of want them to lose just because they are. They've got their chickens lined up and numbered.

They've counted them all. They're sure that's... Oh, yeah, if they lose to Croatia, it'll be a national depression. Yeah. And Croatians will just have to quietly leave. Because they bet Sweden, didn't they? They bet Sweden. And there's video of these football dudes, like, trashing an Ikea.

The Swedish furniture outlet. Like they pile in and they're jumping on beds and it's chucking bills. They've all been in loss. Like stop rubbing salt in the wound. And the women that work in there are freaking out because they've got no idea what's happening. These guys have just stormed in. There's a great video of someone dancing on top of a bus. I think it was a double-decker bus.

At Peckham, eh? Yeah, and his friend's on the bus stop. And so he decides to jump down from the roof of the double-decker bus onto the bus stop, but he falls through the glass roof. It's hilarious. But he gets up and walks off. He doesn't care. They're all just having fun, eh?

They're just having fun. Wow. Wrecking things, but having fun in the process. So when's the next game for the Football World Cup? So Wednesday, our time Wednesday, the next semi-final, France-Belgium. That's at 6 a.m. New Zealand time. Croatia-England on Thursday at 6 a.m. Right.

So two more games this week and then the final over the weekend? Monday, our time, 3 a.m. Who's going into that as the underdog out of Croatia and England? Croatia, right? I don't know much about... I'd love to give you some stats, but I only know the funny things that I've seen on the internet. James knows about football. What was that?

Who's the underdog out of Croatia and England? England are favourites to win the whole thing now. Are they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brazil got knocked out. Brazil were the favourites and then they got knocked. But now it's been pretty mental. Belgium are probably one of the better teams out of all of them,

and France. So they reckon that the winner of that semifinal probably has the best chance. But in the books, England are going to win. See, I missed my chance because I had a headline ready to go for the Brazilian team when they got eliminated. Brazilians here today, gone tomorrow. But then I missed it, didn't I?

Caitlin just got that. But do you seriously think like the sports department upstairs, they don't print the, you know, English football, English papers love big puns on the front page. Yeah. Huge fans of puns. Do you reckon they've just got football team, the football reporters are all working on puns for every possible outcome.

Yeah, no doubt. From here? Yeah. I'm just trying to think of Belgium, but all I can think of is waffles. And biscuits, those Belgian biscuits. Yeah. Home of the Smurfs? Yeah. The key to a good pun is you've got to

kind of get it like Brazilian. Everybody knows a Brazilian. Yeah, yeah. Belgian. Hmm. Well, we just hope France wins. There'll be some more puns in that. Yeah, there's lots of well-known French things. There's been an opinion piece written,

and it's spelt out how much you'd be paying for basic food at ski resorts. Now, I mean, it's a classic situation. It's like an airport. Once they got you there and your options are limited, you're screwed. What can you do? You're not going to drive two hours down to town to get, you know, some food.

And then back up for an afternoon session. Exactly. You either pack your own or if you forget by the time you got there, you're paying what they're asking. You're paying what they're asking. So here's some of the prices that blew someone's mind. Okay. They paid $26.

It was priced as a cafe on the mountain, at Fuckapapa, $26.50 for a hamburger and fries. Jeez. That's like what you'd pay at a ooh-la-la restaurant or a pub restaurant. Yeah. High end. Yeah, yeah, high end.

For a burger and fries, right? Are you getting lots of fries or are they skintone? Don't know. I don't have a photo of how many fries. Plain potato wedges are $12.50. Are you kidding? Yeah. There better be a giant bowl of wedges.

Does it have like sour cream and sweet chili? No, because it says plain potato wedges. Wow. Indicating that they could be more. So, you know, I know that we just said if you're up a mountain, you're kind of screwed. You know. You're going to be paying what you're going to be paying

unless you've packed yourself one of those little Hamish Carter endorsed one square meals. Yeah, but that's not fun, is it? A man cannot survive on one square meals a line. And because you're on the mountain, you want to warm yourself up. Yeah, but that's not fun, is it? A man cannot survive on one square meals a line. And because you're on the mountain, you want to warm yourself up. Yeah. You know, you want some warm food. Yeah, and it's not like you can take warm food.

Like, unless mum cooks the wedges at home, puts them in some monofoil. Some sort of heat-retaining insulated device. I've got a thermos, but you can't put wedges in a thermos. No. They're soggy. They go soggy. Yeah, right. Because I'll sweat.

Unless you've got a deep fryer powered by a USB charger and your cigarette lighter in your car, so you can get in the back and wash yourself up, something I don't know. But to compare it, they compare it to around the world and here in New Zealand. Right. The Remarkables, so 26.50 was at Royal Pay. The Remarkables in Queenstown, $19.50 for hamburger and fries.

This is all just comparing a basic hamburger and fries. In Switzerland, New Zealand, you pay $19 for hamburger and fries. Whistler in Canada at the Southside Diner, you pay $19.80 for cheeseburger and bacon on the cheeseburger. Right. Okay. That's quite fancy. In Austria, cheeseburger with fries, $14.50 in New Zealand. Oh, good.

So that's the cheapest by quite a way. I mean, it's not enough to probably justify flying all the way to Austria rather than just having a weekend at Rua Pei. True. Hamburger and chips in California, $23.50. So that's as close as it gets. Yeah. And in Japan, a hamburger and fries, $21.50.

So these were all at mountain cafes. Yes. Right, okay. On mountain cafes. Right. Okay. Because that's the essential part. You've got to be on the mountain.

It's got to be the convenience. Right. Of just skiing or snowboarding up, unclipping, going and eating, coming back out and getting back amongst it. Some of the most expensive. Yeah. Yeah, but then, like, what do we hope to achieve by this? We're like, you guys are expensive. They're like, go somewhere else and get one then. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, but then like, what do we hope to achieve by this? We're like, you guys are expensive.

They're like, go somewhere else and get one then. Yeah, exactly. Okay. You got me there. You got me. You got me. If you don't like it.

Two cheeseburgers and fries, thanks. If you were doing a whole family. Oh my God. Oh, you could easily tick it up. But, maybe a hundred bucks. Well, we only went to the snow once as kids

that I can remember. Because my mum hates being cold. That was the main reason We only went to the snow once as kids that I can remember. Because my mum hates being cold. That was the main reason we never went to the snow. I hate being cold. And dad's like, I'm not going without your mother. Dad was really weird like that. He's like, I'm not going without your mother. He quite enjoys it.

He wants a white Christmas, but he won't go without her. And she won't have one. It's because they're in love. He's being held hostage by his wife's intolerance to snow. To snow. Well, no, he got to go to Alaska just now, isn't he? Yeah, but in summer. Oh, yeah, true.

He didn't get to experience Alaskan winters, which he'd love to. But we went once, and I remember, yeah, we stopped on the way, and we were like, no! Because, you know, if you're not eating there, you think you're being hard done by. You're left by the fact your parents are paying for you to go skiing for the day. Yeah. No! Mum's like, food roll each, you think you're being hard done by. You're left by the fact your parents are paying for you to go skiing for the day. Yeah.

No! Mum's like, a filled roll each and tell you what, you can have a slice. And I always go for a custard square. So she's sweetened the deal with a little custard square. But yeah, we went back to the car and ate. There's always that option. Oh, so you'd go back to the car, you wouldn't, okay. What?

My wife thinks that's unbelievable. Like, if we go anywhere now, I'm like, let's just get something on the way and we'll go back to the car to eat. She's like, no. We're not in the family that's seen leaving to eat in the car to come back in. I'm like, there was every family. There was our family. Megan's family just didn't take her full stop.

But ours took us, bitches, mate, let's go back to the car to eat. Always go back to the car to eat. What is this? It's the great New Zealand tradition of the same as like driving. Did they open up the boot of the station wagon and all sit on the boot? No, it was so cold. We'd jump in the car and dad had to get the food from the boot and he'd like go pass it to everybody.

He was always like open his thermos and have his. Because he bought soup from home. He didn't even get something on the way. There was always pack and save rolls and deli and cold slaw and ham. A cold slaw pottle. Yeah. Ham. Once we got a hot chicken, never again because of the mess and the fighting over who got what.

So it was just plain ham. Yeah. Shove that in a bun, eat up and get back out there. And that was everywhere. That was the beach. Yep. That was Rainbow's End. Yeah. Did was the beach. Yep. That was Rainbow's End. Yeah. Did they let you

take your own food into Rainbow's End? No, we had to go back out into the car park. They had to get passouts. Oh no. Okay. And we'd sit in there because my parents just love watching so when we got there we'd get there early and we'd park by the road because then they'd have something to watch during lunch.

That's brilliant. And I'm all for it now. I'm like, we'll get something, we'll go eat in the car. And my wife's like, no way. We are not that family. I'm like, I grew up in that family. It's fine. It's a great Kiwi tradition, isn't it?

Going back to the car for lunch. As you heard, it's like $100 to buy burgers and chips at a cafe. We're going to the mountain in a few weeks. Guess what? It'll be back to the car for lunch. Can you please Instagram live that whole thing? And just your wife's face? Just like...

Or he's like, they've got chippies. Can I have chippies? No. He's like, back to the car. No, you've got to slice. You've got to slice. As I'm undoing my thermos full of soup. Who wants some soup?

Well. You've got to slice. You've got to slice. As I'm undoing my thermos full of soup. Who wants some soup? Well, here we go. That's the tone of disappointment in my voice. Yeah. As yesterday, I saw that despite my best intentions to have this sort of thing not happen, Caitlin's book club happened. This is a get together where they discuss books that have been read.

How dare us. Yeah, and it's Megan as well. Megan wasn't there. I was not available for the first one. I'm real gutted now. Yeah, you missed out. It was lit. I saw your Instagram story. Literature? What? Oh, literature. Yeah, that was lit. I saw your Instagram story. Literature. What?

Oh, literature. Yeah, that was good. That was good. You had a lot of people there. Yeah, there were nine of us. Was James' girlfriend there? James' girlfriend was there. There's heaps of people in the book club.

There is. It is a growing, like, I think we're going to have to start getting some sponsorships. Who's going to sponsor your nerd fest? We've got 24 members. It says here, add Carl Fletcher, add Vaude and Smith. No. Now, why wasn't I invited? Because Vaude and I have got an issue.

This is our issue. Because I read a book. I read a bit of a book yesterday. What book? Star Wars. No one wants to know. It's a Star Wars novel. This is a book swap group and no one wants to read Star Wars. Wait a minute. So you swapped the books?

The idea of the book club was everybody read the same book on the same week? So let me explain what happened at our book club. We are, you know, progressive, so we're doing it differently because we don't always have time to read the same book. Okay. This is not how our book club works. How do you discuss a book until everybody's read it? This is how our book club works.

So we came, we provided wine, cheese, nibbles, chocolates, lots of yum stuff. People came, I made teas and coffee. We sat down, we went around the group and we said our favourite genre of book. And guess what, Megan? What? We were all, our favourite genre was thriller. Stabbies? Yes!

That was everyone's favourite genre. We all liked stabbies. Apart from Gary, sometimes reads like romance. Autobiographies. Gary got invited because I thought it was a sort of female get together. No, it's the people that read books that don't make fun of us. You two don't read books and you both make fun of us. I read a book last week about meth.

What was the book? He did read a book about meth. How many pills did it have? Was it a pamphlet that you got from the doctor? I can't even laugh myself. I have never done meth in my life. And after reading this book. No, neither.

But when I'm with the doctor, I'm always picking up pamphlets that don't relate to me. I was like, do you have gonorrhea? I was like, I don't know. Do I? No, thankfully I don't. Christ, that sounds terrible. You don't want to be reading that in the doctor's waiting room. Why don't I take it home for later? Read an old new idea.

Why have you got a pamphlet I'm going to read? Because I always forget how to spell it. It's like diarrhea. It's hard to spell. So, and then we discussed the books that we've been reading recently and everyone got their phone out and wrote down the books that they want to read. But then you can't discuss what happens in a book. That's spoiler alert.

No, but lots of us have read the same books. It's just more of like motivation to what our next book, like inspiration for our next book. Welcome to Caitlin's Book Club. It started when I was three. I had to find Spot. He was hidden around the house. He turned out to be under the flaps on every page.

Exactly, exactly. But you'll invite me though, eh? No, because you can't participate. You'll be like, I read a thing like ten years ago. I just read a book last week, I just said Megan. About the meth book. It's going to be a movie, it's going to be a movie.

We can talk about that. Well, speaking of that, and then after we talked about books, we considered silent reading for a bit, and then we thought that would be a bit weird. Because we didn't want to all sit in the same room and just read, even though we really wanted to. Yeah, I think that's fun. Also, I read on a Kindle. Is that frowned upon in the book club?

Oh, yes. No, get out of here. You're not allowed Kindles unless you're travelling. I'm sorry. They would prefer to have the rainforest cut down. Did you guys just hear that? Yeah, some orangutans just died. No, we go to a library.

And then we switch as well so that the books don't get... Yeah. But then we ended up. Oh, what, those books aren't printed on paper? Well, the trees are already cut down. It's okay then, is it? But then you watched a movie. We watched a movie.

That's not a book. It's a movie. It was a movie that had been based off a book. Girl on the Train. Great. I've seen it three times, so I watched it again. Oh, I'm so gutted. Why would you watch that movie three times?

It's quite good of you to say that. It's really good. I know, but the good part about it is the twist. I know. Once you know that it's coming. But Mountie hadn't seen the twist, so I was watching her watching the movie. Oh, right. I kind of get that.

It was a great time. And then everyone went home by six. It was perfect. I told everyone they had to leave at six When's the next book club? Yeah, when's the next one, Katie? Well, the next one's at your house, James No, it's not

It is Chanel and Georgia have kindly This is what I got told Yeah, when they came home Oh, the next one's going to be at our house Because apparently they've got a whiskey room or something Definitely not happening Which is also the same room as the PlayStation and Fortnite, isn't it?

Yeah I wondered why yesterday James was like, when are we dropping in? At around three o'clock. Yeah, because he's got his girlfriend was at book club. So you're welcome to, everyone's welcome to come to our book club. If you read books and you don't make fun of us. Oh, so that's you two 100% out. But Fletcher Boyan are banned.

Are we the only two people banned from book club? Yes, yes. I'm hiding the group from you so you can't even see it. What an honour. We want to talk now about those little hometown treats. Because when you move from somewhere small, like a small rural town, like I did, from Morrinsville and now live in Auckland, I'm weirdly proud of my hometown.

Like I can give a stick with other mates from Morrinsville, but I get quite defensive of it. We lay into it and you go at us. Yeah, I know. I'm defensive of the old man. We're like, oh, it's boring. It's not much to do there. There's a lot of meth made there.

None of those. Murders. Are untrue. Police shootouts with automatic weapons. Only, hey, it's like my nana who lived her whole life in Morrinsville said, only boring people get bored. Okay, fair call. Yeah, that's a small town mantra.

But it's intern Anya who this weekend experienced something. Her boyfriend is from a small New Zealand town too and he's been going on about something for quite a while, hasn't he? Yeah, so we popped to the Waikato for the weekend and he's been going on and on and on about this takeaway place

for as long as I can remember. Now, what town are we talking about here? Huntly? No, so he lives in Matangi, and this takeaway place was in Cambridge. So we're talking a good 20-minute drive. Yeah, I was going to say, there'd be easier places to get to. Yeah, so that's why we haven't been. It's kind of because, you know, in the country you don't get takeaways apparently. You don't.

I was like, do we? We've never got takeaways because by the time you get them home they're cold. Yeah, that's true. I was like, oh, this is a great place for Uber Eats. He's like, no. We can't do that here. So we drive 20 minutes to this bloody Chinese takeaway. Right.

And he's been building it up and in the car. He's so jazzed about it. What does he say, like, what's good about it? He's the whole time. Does he mention succulent pork? He's just like, oh, yeah, you think your one in wherever is real good. Oh, you haven't seen anything yet. Oh, brace yourself.

Oh, this is real good. Brace yourself. He's like trash talking our local. He's grown up with this takeaway place and it's legend. Legend. Okay. Apparently the family go bananas over it. My sister lives in Cambridge.

She just messaged me. She knows exactly which one. She says it's good succulent pork. And we got home and it was just like, it was all right. That is not acceptable when someone doesn't. Yeah. Is it because it was cold? It took all right. That is not acceptable when someone doesn't... Yeah. Is it because it was cold? It wasn't because...

Actually, you know, kudos to their packaging. It did stay warm. But we got home and he was so jazzy. He's like, here we go, and rubs his hands together. And then we finish it and I was like, oh, do I shoot him down? No, no, no, it'll be nice. And then he's like, oh, there's enough for dinner tomorrow. What a treat. And I was just like, no, there's enough for dinner tomorrow. What a treat.

And I was just like, no, that's cool. You have that for lunch tomorrow. That's all good. And he's like, what do you mean? And he was so upset. He had such a strop about it. I said, pack a strop. He packs it.

It's apparently just an absolute local legend and I've just came and pooped on it. And this big town girl just comes and poops all over this. Well, your sister lives here and knew what place it was. She loves it. She said all Cambridge people absolutely love it. Is it because it's the best of a bad situation? Like there's nothing better.

Well, I don't wish to badmouth small town New Zealand. I'm saying it probably is. In fact, if it's the one where I've had Chinese and it was delicious. Do you think it's from the same place? What's your problem, Anya? What's your problem with that? I think so. Hey, I'm not saying it's a bad Chinese.

You're just saying it's not as you've had better Chinese. It's just not like... Like you've been hearing about it. His problem was he played too much of the build-up game. He did. You've got to play it low-key on these things. I thought my life would change. Built it up to some kind of Michelin five-star takeaways.

Also, it's just that hometown pride. like every time we go through Morrinsville I said to Sade, we should do the cow tour. Where we get on our bikes and we cycle around and we see all 42 cows. You cycle around and look at fibreglass cows. Well you can walk but she's not going to walk. She's not a walker. She's seen them. You drive

past a couple you've seen them. Not all of them. They've all got different designs. for wherever they are. And I'm very proud of the cows, but she always pooh-poohs during the cow journey. It's always painful when we are with you and drive through your hometown because you've got all these yarns and you've got to show us. This one was commissioned by Lala.

You've got to show us everything and you're real proud and we're just like, it's just a, I mean, this could be bypassed. God, imagine living a life that you've got, you know, stories to tell from. Moments of, imagine being proud of where you come from. I mean, you're from New Plymouth. You'd be absolutely stretching to find something to be proud of. Ah, there's lots to be proud of. It's a beautiful region, the mountain.

The surf. You know, the thing we have nothing to do with. That you can't see 360 years of the day because it's always covered in cloud. The coastal walkway. It's a beautiful region. Wynwon's wildly overrated. But no, see that? I shouldn't be poo-pooing on your hometown.

I prefer the Wynwon, to be honest, to the cows. I'm going to put it out there. The Wynwon bends in the wind. There's 42 of them. There's 42 of them. There's 42 of them. Hey, put a cow on the top of a wind wand, and then I'll be excited to go to Morrinsville. That would be a great mixture for the Taranaki region.

It's like the wind needle in Wellington. That's because that blows over, too, on the way to the airport. That's exciting to see. The best thing that happened to that was when it got struck by lightning. It was like, pfft. That was a super exciting way to twist on it. I would like to hear this morning, though, what your partner was really into from their hometown.

And maybe when you experienced it, or maybe you're yet to experience it, it wasn't so great. It could be a takeaway. Yeah, it could be, I don't know, like you say, like, you know, the local attraction. Yes, and you get there and you're like, oh. Or just the town itself. To be honest, I'm raking my brain for Nelson.

I've got nothing. What about the walk up to the centre of New Zealand? Well, you've got Abel Tasman. I thought you were like, that's nice. But then I was like, no, I'm pretty sure she said that sucks. Yeah, Abel Tasman, but I can't say it's good because they haven't done it. Well, and all the beaches. Nelson, the whole region's beautiful. Oh, yeah Abel Tasman, but I can't say it's good because they haven't done it. Well, and all the beaches. The whole region's beautiful. Oh yeah, beaches.

Nice beaches. It's not really got anything to do with the people of Nelson though. Yeah, right. Okay, well 0800DALZM, you can text 9696. Anya, my sister said, try the tie next time you're down. It is the best tie you'll ever have in your life. Her words. 9696

or 0800 dial ZM. Off the back of Anya going and experiencing Cambridge's finest Chinese takeaways at the restaurant at the weekend, but not actually being overly impressed by it. Oh, God. So Cambridge are ready to ban her. Breaking little Andy's heart, her boyfriend's heart. He said he had a strop that she didn't like the Chinese's because I think he'd maybe oversold the Chinese.

Yeah. We're talking about what little hometown favourites your partner maybe wasn't that impressed by. Or maybe you were the partner that

wasn't that impressed. Yeah. Somebody said, I started dating a guy from Wanaka and he said, when we go down to Wanaka, I'm going to take you

to Puzzle World. I was waiting for like the pies, like one of those bakery pies that they've got in Wanaka. What are the bakery pies? You know, the water, aren't they famous for that? No, there's Jimmy's pies as well, but then there's those,

maybe that's just, I like those pies. I think I just like those pies in that Wanaka bakery. Yeah, maybe that's it. Well, if I was from, I'd, I don't know. I'd have never had one. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Next time we go there. Yeah, no, we should.

Well, you build them up now. I build them up now. This is how it happens. This is how it happens. But he kept saying, I'm going to take you to Puzzling World. You are going to love

Puzzling World. I absolutely hated Puzzling World. So did she. She got there and was like, ta-da. And she said,

it was all right, but when you'd been hearing about it non-stop for months Yeah, yeah You'd think it would be the best part of it Having never been to Wanaka You can't beat the lake Yep The mountains

Just everything The endless beautiful scenery But I don't know if Puzzling World was quite what it made it out to be Really did get built up No Somebody said I grew up in Palmerston North and I always talked about

to my partner that it was a lovely little town and I think you really like Palmerston North. And she was like, okay. And she got quite excited for our visit to Palmerston North. Didn't last. Didn't last. So we want to know from you what maybe didn't measure up.

Rosie, was this your partner that was going on about this place? Yeah. So I grew up in Miramar. Okay. And, yeah, took him. I live in Napier now. But, yeah, took him down to show him where I grew up and all of that sort of thing. And, yeah, he was just like, oh, yeah, town's better.

Town's better. There's the Roxy. There's Weta Workshop. There's all of these sort of things. Park Road, you know, town's better. Town's better. Town's better. Miramar's like, yeah, Weta Workshop, but that's kind of,

oh, it's a little. No, it's quite a beautiful part of Wellington, I thought, Miramar. Oh, it is. It's stunning. But, you know, he was a bit of a fizzer. He wasn't keen. Maybe he just had, yeah, different pictures and ideas. Oh, I is. It's stunning. But, you know, it was a bit of a fizzle. He wasn't keen. He builds it up. Maybe he just had, yeah, different pictures and ideas.

Oh, I don't know. Yeah, maybe you painted too good a picture. Thanks, Rosie. Somebody said, Fletch, it's Wanaka Pies. The bakery opens a tiny window at midnight to 4am for all the drunk people. Yeah, they do. They're great pies. Yeah.

Yeah. So, some other text messages in on maybe what didn't measure up. Somebody said, my partner is from Arkansas, a small town in the USA. He was so jazzed about the sandwich chain that was there. Yeah. They had 50 cent breadsticks from the day before. Slightly stale, but can't be beaten. Like you wouldn't even know they were stale. So we had to go

all the way to Arkansas. And he was like, bread sticks. Like, super excited, got there. It was exactly what you would imagine, a stale bread stick.

For 50 cents. I'm like, I can't believe we've come all the way. This is ridiculous. So it's just like a stale roll from the day before. Oh, but that would

break his heart. You've got to pretend to like that. All the way there. Somebody said my partner's from Pairoa. Every time we go through, he's like, come on, let's stop and have another photo in front of the bottle. I'm like, no!

We've had one. How many do you possibly need? The bottle's not changing. Also, that bottle's not that big. You know when you're a kid, you think that thing's huge. It needs to be bigger. That'll impress me when it's four foot high. Somebody else said there's a pie shop in Daniverk.

And my other half talked up this pie shop for a year and a half. Was always saying whenever we had a pie, he's like, it's all right, it's no Daniverk bloody pie shop pie, bro. Okay. So we finally went. Yeah, there was certainly nothing to raise the roof about. He was like, oh, delicious. Every mouthful, he was certainly nothing to raise the roof about. He was like, mmm, ah, delicious. Every mouthful he was singing its praises.

But to be honest, I've just had a bit of pie from a dairy. Do you think it's the nostalgia of the pie that he likes? Yeah, I think a lot of this stuff is associated. There's so many memories and stuff tied to it. My husband's from Hutt Valley. We live in Southland. Every time we order fish and chips, he goes on about how he wants these potato fritter things.

I don't have them down south. I got them up north. Yeah, the best potato fritters in the world. When we stayed with his parents, we went and got some of these potato fritters. He ordered 14 of them. Yeah, 14. And I ate a few and I was like,

this is just a deep fried thick slice of potato with some batter on it. Oh, but it's not even like mushed up potato. No. It's a slice of potato. It's a thick slice of potato. The only difference in a potato chip is that it's battered. Right. Okay.

And he said, why do you have to be like this? It's mum's fault. She went to the wrong fish and chip show. Like a full-blown kitty sock. So there you go. why do you have to be like this? It's mum's fault. She went to the wrong fish and chip show. Like a full-blown kitty sock. So there you go. Maybe the key to it is don't build something up too much. Yes.

Before you hit the home town. That's why I've said it before my life motto. Under-promise and then over-deliver. Or under-promise and then substandardly deliver. Just get by. But make sure you're really under-promised. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about the Football World Cup, which is happening.

Yeah. And it's about babies that happen nine months after the Football World Cup, which is happening. Yep. And it's about babies that happen nine months after the Football World Cup. Okay. Because this happens two ways. The Football World Cup causes a baby boom. Okay. The host country experiences

a baby boom and the winning country experiences a baby boom. Right. Due to jubilant non-protective sex. As celebration. Russia's got quite far. They only just got knocked out at the weekend. Yeah.

So there's been a lot of jubilation in Russia. They're having a heck of a time, Russia. They like a baby boom. They like a big population, Russia, historically. Yep. They chew through them, so they've got to keep them coming. I'd imagine England as well. Even just with the last couple of weekends.

Correct. Germany's a really interesting one to look at. When I started reading about this, Germany's hosted the Football World Cup in 1974 and 2006. So they experienced a baby boom after both. In 2007, there was a German baby boom, and not quite as big as 1974, because ever since World War II, Germany's had a very steady birth rate. Right. It doesn't fluctuate more than a percent either way.

Well, after the 1974 World Cup held in Germany, the baby boom was 9% increase, which is huge. It doesn't sound that much. Wow. That's insane. But it was 9%. Yeah. And then again in 2007, it was seven and a half percent.

And that from a country that, you know, they work like clockwork, the Germans. Yeah, very efficient. Helga, meet me in this bedroom. We will make love. Thank you very much, Thomas. I will meet you there. Thank you very much, Helga. I will meet you there.

We will take off our clothes, Thomas. Not today, Helga. No. Because we are doing it for the baby making, not for the fun. I will meet you there in approximately three minutes and 37 seconds. You always nod your head. Shall I bring sausage? No, don't bring sausage, Helga.

As I said, baby making. Not fun. The sausage stays out of the picture. So, yeah, they experience a baby boom, which is unlike the Brazilians. They also experience a baby boom, but they're just, in my mind, they're a bit more frantic and passionate, aren't they? The Brazilians.

But I thought you could probably comment more on that. Why is that? I'm not Brazilian. You seem to go to South America a lot. I've been to Brazil. Sure, they're lovely people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're quite... Lovely. Lovely, yeah, Brazil. Sure, they're lovely people. Yeah, yeah. They're quite...

Lovely. Lovely, yeah, sure. Loving people. Loving. Yeah. Lusting. Yeah. Partying people, the Brazilians.

So, yeah, they experience a baby boom as well, but not as much as the Germans. The Germans seem to be the... So, I've just Googled. I don't know if you had any New Zealand stats. Did you have any New Zealand rugby stats? Oh, rugby woke up. No, I didn't even think to look into, rugby woke up. I googled, I found

a story that was reported in the Herald on the 10th of June 2012. Oh yeah. The story mentions that the maternity unit at Waitakere Hospital was overflowing with double the usual number of births last weekend, exactly nine months after the World

Cup kicked off. Wow. A, it's good to know you're planned. B, it's good to know that mum was completely sober during conception as well. Two great things. Two great things for West Auckland babies. Maybe not. She may have been having a quiet night. Sure.

But they won. She probably had a little bit of a party. Yeah. So today's fact of the day is the host country and the winning country of the Football World Cup always experience a baby boom. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. A study of courtship. What is that?

Because parents and old people say that, eh? They're courting. Yeah, it's like dating. Old way of saying dating. Yeah, so they've called it a study of courtship. This was done on Tinder and Facebook has found the most valued quality in a partner. Okay. The number one most valued quality.

During the courtship period. Oh, not. Do you think it changes? 100%. So it's what you're initially attracted to, and then after a while you're like, okay, this is draining me. Should we try and guess what it is?

I actually think that would, no, you guess before I give you a clue. See, because you said. Money. No, it's because Megan said, I like this, but now I'm finding it draining. It's a sentence I've heard so many times. Okay, yeah, this is good for work, but I'm finding it a little,

it's just a little much right now. Yeah, you're not on the radio now, Bourne. Save it for the morning, mate. Why don't you write that down and tell your buddies in the morning? But right now, it's just, just pull it back a notch. So you would say what it is? My guess is it would be like humour. Sense of humour.

Really? Yeah. Is that important for you, Katie? A hundred percent. Because I'm quite funny, so they have to keep up with the same funniness. Don't look at me like that, Paul. No, because I love laughing. So you need to be funny.

Right. Well, everybody enjoys laughing. That's the very act of laughing, right? And you always find, like, a guy, if they're not, like, model good looking, but they're really funny and, like, charming, kind of goes hand in hand sort of. They go up several hotness notches.

It would be, you'd be surprised at how much more attractive a guy can be. If they're funny. If they're funny. And don't take themselves too seriously. And like, yeah. So for example. Okay. Oh, girl.

Oh, girl. Here we go. Oh, girl. So we all know Harry from Heartbreak Island. Yes. He was not like, if I, if I stood all know Harry from Heartbreak Island. Yes. He was not like, if I stood all the boys up there and was like, who is the hottest? Like, I definitely would have gone for Christiane. And then he turned a bit like, psyched on.

Annoying. When he was like being weird with Ruby. Yeah. But I never would have been like, oh, yeah, Harry's definitely like the hottest. Apart from the fact that he's super tall. weird with Ruby. Yeah. But I never would have been like, oh, yeah, Harry's definitely like the hottest, apart from the fact that he's super tall. But his personality

and because he's so funny is like, he's the hottest by far. So, yeah, when Harry came in studio, everyone was like going on about how amazing he is. And I was like, he's

okay. Like, not my type. Right. Wasn't, you know. But then the more you watch it, you're like, he's, yeah, I like Harry. Yeah.

Because of his humour. Because he's funny. Do you think he's going to win? And he doesn't take life too seriously. Do you think he's going to win? Oh, he's... Yeah. I like Harry. Because of his humour. Because he's funny and he doesn't take life too seriously. Do you think he's going to win? I don't know. I hope so. I want Harry to win, but I don't want George to win. I want Harry to win, but I don't want George to win. Can he switch?

But he doesn't have to stay with her, right? If they win. What if they win? I don't know how he's going to do it. You know they have to. Because then he's more attractive because he's good looking, he's funny, and now he's got a bit of cash money. Yeah.

Well, it's not stopping Caitlin from flirting with him on Instagram. I always slide into his DMs. Yeah, but then it's weird because you share the DMs with everybody else. You're like, look, he loves it. And it's like, what are you doing? Because I want people to know that. What? I don't know.

She's having some flirtatious times. Yeah. Okay, that's weird. I don't know. She's having some flirtatious times. Yeah. Okay, that's weird. I don't know. FVM. ZM. A story out of Wellington, if you're looking for a flat,

this is one to avoid. Okay. There's a boarding house on the terrace and an international student has remained anonymous because of kind of the fear of repercussions and just kind of being, the fear of... Repercussions.

Repercussions and just kind of the name being out there is that when you move into this residence, you sign an agreement that says you can be fined by the live-in manager. That's not legal. For not completing tasks. But you sign it in the contract. When you sign the contract to say, yeah, I'm moving in, you're agreeing to the terms and conditions.

No, they still can't enforce it. No one reads the T's and C's. You literally probably just flick through the paper and get to the bottom and check the box. And it's so hard to get a flat and stuff. If they're like, just sign this and you can have it, you'd be like, okay. Yeah, you'd be stoked.

So all these fines, these are for doing things like if you are responsible but have not cleaned, if you've used but haven't cleaned up an area, you get a standard $1.50 fine. Like this one picture is for not wiping the table sufficiently after using the table. And they got

an array of fines. One for cleaning the stove but it's not just about cleaning the stove top. It's about cleaning around the stove which led to another fine. How much was that one? Does it say?

$1.50. $1.50, I believe. And when your fines reach $6 is when you've got to pay your $6 immediately. Okay. Clear your name. Right. So that's four tickets

by my calculations. Right. Otherwise, you have to move out? You have to move out, but pay a $50 administration fee to have the name changed over but you also need to find the person to take your room.

None of this is legal. Surely. That person sounds like the most punishing person in the world. So they talk to this person. This person has gone on record saying, yep, I moved in. Rob Fraser, I'm a live-in manager of the boarding house. I got this job because the last manager

was doing a terrible job. There was vomit everywhere. There was bottles. It was a terrible, terrible mess. So I'm running a tight ship now. Okay, Rob. Yeah, okay, Rob. Okay, Rob.

We've all lived with a Rob. Rob's dishing out fines. Everybody else is Rob. You just say, okay, Rob. Yeah, right. Oh, certainly remember that next time, Rob. God, steer clear of that place. Is there an official word? Does he have to, like, okay Rob. Yeah, right. Oh, certainly remember that next time. God, steer clear of that place. Is there an official word? Does he have to like stop doing that?

Who brings it in? I don't know. Because it's kind of it goes without saying there's always going to be some useless people in a flat when you're living with that many people, right? At least these people are attempting to claim in some way. But I don't know.

I don't know because they signed it on agreements when they moved in. That they could get away with it. If this is the case, if you're the first person in a flat, start some rules. Get your lawyer friend to draw you up some legally binding contract with some rules in it. And why $1.50? That seems low.

You could just say it came from the landlord. I'd have a moving scale. Yeah. The landlord's got you to sign this contract. I had to sign it too. You just sign it. Don't worry about it. And I'd have it going up like first time you didn't wipe the bench, that's $1.50 but next time it's $3. Maybe even do a star chart for good

flatmates. Yeah. In fact, you know, I do this. It's called parenting. There is a behaviour chart on the fridge that gets stickers for jobs done. And I'm like, you take that up to the sink now. Or maybe you could find the kids. Are you on the chart? Do you get stars for when you do things? No, I'm admin.

Oh, okay. I'm admin of chart. This is dad's random good behavior chart. Oh, okay. I don't say. I just notice good behavior and it gets a sticker. Oh, okay. I don't say, I just notice good behaviour and it gets a sticker. Oh, okay.

It's the next level in charts because when you do the charts where it's like, if you do this, you get a sticker. Toilet training or whatever, so they do it. Or if you clean the room,

that's a sticker. But now it's not. It's unspoken. Right. And Roy's asking another sticker. And I honestly don't know what I'm going to do

if they end up filling up that sticker chart because... Yeah, what's the reward at the end? No, because they keep saying, well, you have to see it. It's after another sticker. Yeah, and I honestly don't know what I'm going to do if they end up filling up that sticker chart because... Yeah, what's the reward at the end? No, because I keep saying, well, you have to see it. It's a big surprise. Oh, what are you doing? I know, I've let myself... And I still don't know what it's going to be.

I'm kind of like scrambling. But luckily, you can take away stickers if they're naughty, so... Okay. They'll never get to the end. No, I don't think they'll ever see the end of that sticker chart.