ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - July 18 2018

Episode Date: July 17, 2018

Vaughan has a story to make you cry, This Can't Leave The Room and should you need a stand down period after a relationship?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. You can stay connected with free Wi-Fi a gig a day on the $19 Spark prepaid rollover pack. Enjoy. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Wednesday morning. Morning. Good morning. Megan's fresh from seeing Mamma Mia. Wednesday morning. Morning. Good morning. Megan's fresh from seeing Mamma Mia.

Mamma Mia 2. Anya, you went with your mum. I did. Last night. She was so jazzed about it. The whole time. She was just like, yes! Did she love the music of ABBA? Before the movie, did she grow up on a bit of ABBA? Oh yeah, yeah. And so just

seeing a second instalment of her favourite movie was just The Cat's Pyjamas for Tuesday night. Oh, really? It's her favourite movie, Mamma Mia. Yeah. There was a lot of women there and it was very rowdy. It was very, like, there was clapping and whoopie. Was there singing along?

Yeah, there's always singing along at the end. Does it put the words up on the screen like karaoke? No, no. No, you release, general release. And then when that starts to peter off, you put it on the sing-along version. So it draws people back to the theatre. I see. People don't need sing-along words forever.

You know the words. You know the words. Everyone knows the songs, don't they? Yeah. Okay. What did your mum think of that movie? She liked it better? She said that it was better than the first one, which is a bold claim.

But also, she clapped at the end. claim, but also she clapped at the end. Oh, lots of people clapped at the end. Really? Now I don't have a mum. I was on a plane, and they clapped when it landed the other... That was recently. That's weird, eh?

Was it on Lufthansa? No. Because they always clap when they land on Lufthansa. I'm like, why? I think it was coming back from the Goldie that time. And I think there was like a tour group on there and they started. Then everyone joined them. Oh, yeah.

That's the thing. It only takes half a dozen people to start clapping and everybody feels obligated to join in. Why do people do it? And in America, they do it quite a bit. Yeah. It's like a standing ovation. Have you ever been there and you're like, I'm not willing to give this a standing ovation, but then half the crowd stands up and you're like, oh, God.

I've got to stand up now. But that's like when I go to a concert as well and I've got a seat and then the people in front stand up. Oh, yeah, that's a domino effect. Because you can't see and you're just like, oh, sit back down. I know, but doing bad on stage,

you just sit down and don't clap. But if they did a bad landing, you're going to probably die. So, like, why do you need to clap if you land? You don't need to clap. That's just them doing their job. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't expect applause at the end of every one of these talky bits, although that would be nice. You'd like it, wouldn't you? That would be nice. Good for the ego, I guess. Well, I mean, I couldn't hear anybody anyway. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time.

All right, three news headlines for three stories, news stories that I've found online. You've got to pick one of the following three, Vaughan and Megan. Headline one, who won? Bear versus shark caught on cam. Headline two, police recognise fleeing criminals, so just wait for him at home. And headline three, man they call the chicken whisperer.

Agoo. So two's done because they recognise some police are like, oh, you know who that is, so they just raced them home, Ferris Bueller day off sort of stuff and waited for him to get there and apprehended him on return of time. Chicken whisperer. It was the them on return of crime. Chicken Whisperer. Chicken Whisperer. It was the first

one about a shark. Yeah. Bear versus shark caught on cam. Right. Because you know we love a banter about animal

versus animal. Yeah. Without actually having to make them fight to the death. Because what did we mention the other day on the show

we were talking about it? Shark versus crocodile because the sharks were on the show we were talking about is it a shark versus crocodile because the sharks were in the golf that's right the bull shark in the golf course

bull shark versus crocodile and the shark would win do you know I read a Wikipedia article about lions versus tigers it's mine when you see a tiger

good for you when you see a tiger you're like that thing would smash a lion because no a lion would beat a tiger, when you see a tiger you're like, that thing would smash a lion. No, a lion would beat a tiger. No, no, no, no. Lions are smaller than tigers. Yeah, I think a tiger would.

There's only like two breeds of tiger that are smaller than lions. And tigers just look, like lions always look lazy. I think the Lion King all led us a little astray with how tough they are. And the mane makes them look a lot bigger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then, so I've always been a believer that a tiger would smash a lion. But anyone that's been actually witnessed, like, it's pretty 50-50.

It all depends on who's more pissed off at the time, I think. Like, circuses that had a cage with a shared bar between a lion and a tiger, like, lions through the bars and everything. It's far more even than you'd imagine. Okay, right. But that's not in the wild. Well, what do you think, bear versus shark? Because it's been caught on cam.

Wait. And I have the answer. So the bear must be in the shark's territory, though. Because the shark wouldn't be in the bear's territory. Not very deep at all. Ooh, bear. Like, up to the bear's belly? I think the bear. Like, if the bear's on all fours? How deep is the water? Not very deep at all. Like up to the bear's belly? I think the bear. Like if the bear's on all fours?

At parts, it could be quite deep, the water. What part of the world does this happen in? What kind of bear? Grizzly bear? I think it's American. Is it a grizzly bear? America, it is. Brown bear.

Because if it's just like one of them wussy bears. West Simsbury. Okay. What kindly bear? I think it's American. Is it a grizzly bear? Brown bear. Because if it's just like one of them wussy bears. West Simsbury. Okay. What kind of bear? I think it's in America. Are we just picking this story? No, it looks like a black bear, grizzly bear. It is a grizzly bear.

And how big is the shark? It looks like it's maybe four or five foot, four foot long. Bear. Bear. The bear ate the shark. If you're talking great white shark versus polar bear, polar bears are apex predators, the toughest of all bears. No bear will beat a polar bear, even a jacked up grizzly bear.

But a shark would be able to bite a polar bear. Only if the bear was in the water. Yeah, moderately deep water, I'd still back a polar bear. Because they can swim too. In West Sinsbury, Linda Michaels was on vacation when her security system alerted her to something going on in the backyard. Some movement. Some movement. Now what she saw on her remote camera showed an interaction between two forces of nature.

So what's in her backyard? The bears drag the shark and it's in the pool. No. Are you joking? Oh. Oh. Oh, my gosh. It's just one of those little inflatable rubber ring pools.

I thought there was a real shark. Oh, that's a blow-up shark. We have been deceived. That's a blow-up shark. Okay. I didn't even see the shark. I click baited you like this headline click baited me. Yeah, the bear beat the inflatable shark.

But I bet he had fun. He did have fun. It's pretty cute, actually. He goes on to play with the blow-up shark. Does he ruin the pool? In the backyard. No, I don't think he does. No.

Because the pool's a little inflatable as well. Inflatable, yeah, but I mean, yeah, one claw in that and it's gone, isn't it? Because this is what I'm hoping for, because I've got the motion-activated security system, and it automatically starts recording to the cloud. Yeah, but you just get courier drivers on yours. Yeah, and the cat walking across the deck. Does it alert you?

Does it say you've got... Yeah, I've got an app on my phone, and I get a doot-doot, and you can log on and you can press a button that opens a speaker on the camera at home and you can be like, hey, get the F out of my house. This is God. And even if they steal the camera, it's all on the cloud. So it's recorded

anyway. Yeah. Yeah, because didn't you have some people rattling your garage, eh? Your tie's turkey, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. That's a good idea. Didn't someone come around and... No, no, that was, yeah, ages ago. Ages ago? They whacked the door handle off the garage in an attempt to get in,

but when they did that, they permanently locked it. Smartest criminals in West Auckland. Smartest criminals. Moronic dickheads. New Zealand's come third in something, and we are behind Australia. Oh, well. But we are third in the, it's like a bucket list for Chinese visitors. Where they want to go to, we're third on the list.

Who beats us? Well, we have to sort this out because we love people coming here and spending money, don't we? So, Australia and Canada are on the list of where they want to go. Before us. But you come here, we've got the best of everything. We've got the best of Canada. We've got the best of Australia. No snakes.

We're the one stock shop. We should be on the tourism board. Say that. Yeah, we're just kind of like the best parts of everybody else. I imagine now I'm imagining you on an ad in China. Just come here. We've got the best of both of them. Come on.

And it's translated. Come on. And they're like, oh, we should go there. He seems so matter of fact about it. We're third equal with France too. And I get something like really nice sounding like Cantonese name, but it would translate to like tall, shiny, bald man. Yes.

With strong, defined beard. Yeah, with beard on face. But it would sound powerful. But you also have to tell them why they should not go to France and come here because we're third equal. Oh, with France? Yeah. It's a long way away.

Yeah. From China. They just won the World Cup too, so they're all busy and rowdy. Yeah. We're just chilling down here. Yeah. I just Googled because I was like, well, and I knew this anyway, but I didn't know to the extent.

That's the word I'm looking for. Australians are the number one tourists in New Zealand. Yeah. 39% of arrivals to the year ending May 2018 were Australians. Chinese, 12%. United States visitors, 9%. UK visitors, 7%. Germany and Japan, 3%. Wow. I thought there were more Japanese tourists than American tourists. Yeah. That's really interesting numbers.

That's interesting, eh? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. I don't know. Maybe we need, do we need another Hobbit or something? I didn't think our American numbers would be... As high?

As high. You can always see them when they've hopped off a cruise ship and they're in matching tracksuits. Oh, they do. I always just assume they're Americans before I hear their accents. But not like cool modern tracksuits. No. What's those ones with the outer shell?

Taslon. Taslon. Taslon. Nylon. Those nylon tracksuits. Yeah, what your mum wore to sports games in the outer shell? Tash. Tash. Nylon. Those nylon tricks. The matchy bit. What your mum wore to sports games in the winter in the 90s. Yeah.

Just in case the wind got up. Pretty much, yeah. Didn't keep the rain out so much. No. You'd hear them and then you'd get closer and you'd hear their accents. Yeah. They're always saying it's nice but it's not home. That is such an American tourist thing to say.

It's nice but it ain't Texas. FVM, the podcast. So there is a new book called Going Solo, The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone. It's written by a sociologist. Right. So, social stuff. Yeah.

I don't know. The study of humanity. Really, isn't it? Yeah, right. Boys really liked social studies at school. I never understood what encompassed it. I could imagine. If that was the thing about it, it was everything.

I could imagine you being like a psychologist, a shrink, because you're so nosy. You'd love people coming into your office. But I wouldn't have the answers. I'd just like to be like, tell me more. But they don't either. They're just like, oh, we'll see you next thing. Because then they charge them by the hour.

See you next thing. See you next time. If I went to a psychologist and paid a psychiatrist about $125 an hour and at the end it was like, ping, anyway, see you next thing. I'd be like, next thing? I'm sorry, I'm not coming back. I'm just judging this based on all the movies. I say, oh, time's up.

You'll have to come back next week and we'll finish this then. I don't think that goes ping and then they're like, time's up. Out you go. It's literally an alarm. It's like when high school finishes on TV shows and movies in America. Was your high school ever like that? I don't even remember it being that everyone was out. Well, the bell rang and everyone just like scattered.

Yeah, mine was like that. Was it? No, our teachers were like, no, you will wait. The bell was simply an indicator that the teacher should start wrapping things up. Yeah, mine was like that. Was it? No, our teachers, no way. No, you were like, no, you were like, I have a front. The bell was simply an indicator that the teacher should start wrapping things up. No, because we would get out of the chairs and they'd be like, oh, okay, oh, yeah, sweet. Oh, no control. No control at your school.

We are out. You went to nail them though, didn't you? Yeah. No, great school. Just never asked me back. So this has gone into the effects of living alone. And this guy is saying that people who live alone are the most socially and communally engaged of any other. Well, that's me.

This describes me to a T. Oh, yeah, it does. It is you, technically, but it's kind of not you. Sure. So if you live alone, it says you are more likely to go out and be social because obviously you don't have no one at home to be social with apart from Karen. That's true.

The cat, yes, true. But they said there's many benefits to it. And even like living with someone else, even if it's someone positive. So if you're living with someone negative, obviously it's going to give you a negative outlook on life and you're going to find it annoying. But even if you live with someone positive,

it might not necessarily have a positive influence on your mood. Especially for women, you start to get a little bit competitive and be like, oh God, they're so positive all the time. Their life is so much better than mine. And it starts to affect your anxiety and your mood in a negative way. So living by yourself can have lots of different positive effects. So self-discovery is one of them because you're forced to go out, do things, discover what you like, what you don't like, your hobbies, you're forced to maybe get some hobbies.

Whereas if you sit at home and watch TV with someone else, you're not going to get a hobby. All of a sudden it's Sunday night and you haven't done anything. Yeah. Yeah, right. You learn self-sufficiency. So if you're by yourself, you're forced to do things. But are they saying that couples should live apart?

Well, I mean... But that would just be functional. That would be assuming people could be functional living by themselves because some people would just turn into like hoarders who pooped in old spaghetti jars. Some people just can't be that independent. No. I lived by myself for seven months,

and I hated it. The weirdest thing I found was going to, at the end of the day, there's no one to debrief with. There's no one to be like, how was your day? Oh, it was this or that, you know? And then you go to bed at night,

there's no one to say goodnight to. You're like, oh, goodnight. Goodnight. Caitlin, does this sound like your perfect dream situation? Yeah. Oh, 100%. See, yeah, I think it depends on the person. Yeah, because I was, but when I was at uni,

I needed to be around my friends like 24-7. Like I'd get home and they wouldn't be there and I'd be like, oh my God, where are they? What are they doing without me? And then I went to Gore and lived by myself for nine months. And then now I really struggle to live with people. What did I do wrong to go to Gore? Yeah, what did you do to deserve that?

I needed a job. Was that a shock though or did you enjoy it? I loved it. And then it was a shock going back to living with people because you can't afford to live by yourself if you're not in Goa. Yeah. So, yeah.

And so now I house it as much as I can So I can be by myself But then I love hanging out with my friends It's the best of both worlds Because I guess living by yourself You can choose when you want to be with other people That's what I was going to say Yeah you get to choose when you want to be social

Like I want to go out and hang out with people now Yeah And then you can go home and be by yourself Like you say unless you live in gore It's quite hard to do that Yeah Yeah So So it might be better for you Go home and be by yourself. Like you say, unless you live in Gore, it's quite hard to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

So. So it might be better for you. So, I don't know. Go. To live in Gore. My ideal is to have, like, a little granny flat, like, so that you're, like, still paying, you're still paying with other people, but it's, like, this little granny flat that's by yourself.

And it's got its own kitchen and stuff. But what if it rains and you have to get to the granny flat from the main house? No, she can live in the granny flat because the granny flat doesn't have a kitchenette. It's got a toilet in the kitchen. A shower over the back. You don't go to the main house to go to the toilet. Excuse me. Because, you know, some sleepouts when you're in flats had a sleepout, but they didn't have a toilet.

Oh, yeah, you know, sleepouts are a step down from a granny flat. A granny flat's named so if Papa dies, Nana can move in. Oh, and do you have a ramp as well so when you're really old you can wheel your stroller down? Yeah, because obviously

my parents will live in the main house. I'll live in the granny flat and so then when I need dinner I can say, Mum, can you get... And washing. And washing, right.

And if you need to get up off the toilet, you've got one of those handy bars to hold. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello, today's Top Six. The Australian CEO of

Domino's, a guy called Don Maje? Don. M-E-I-J. Don Meno. Don. Don Mene. It looks a bit like if his middle name was Ian. Don Mene. Don Mene. Domino. Domino. It looks a bit like... If his middle name was Ian.

Don Ian. Don Ian Mishian. Right. Not quite. He's the country's highest earning CEO. 36.8 million Australian dollars last year. That's 40 million New Zealand dollars. That is insane money, eh?

669 times the wage of the average Australian. I was going to say, what's the average wage of the people that work for him? Significantly lower. Minimum. Significantly lower than average, I would say. So he beat out the Westfield CEO, Peter and Steve. Yeah.

And Macquarie's, that was 25 mil. So he's quite far ahead of the next highest-paying CEOs. When it was released, the Australian Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull, was like, that's extraordinarily high. I mean, I've owned a few businesses. That seems a hell of a lot. Quote, exactly. That seems a hell of a lot.

What would New Zealand's highest-paid CEO earn? I don't know. The list does come out every now and then. It wouldn't be like, how was it? Eight million? Was it the Fonterra dude was on eight million huckers there for one, for a while? Okay.

Yeah, the Sky City. Nigel, 6.49. That was in 2006. I know. It's dated last August 2017. Oh, right. So there hasn't been an update on what Nigel's been in since 2006. No.

You know what I think about Nigel? What? He's probably had a pay rise in 12 years. No, two years. So the Fonterra CEO. You said 2006. Oh, sorry, 2016. Oh, right.

The Fonterra CEO. Teo. Is it Teo? Teo. Teo. He got 8.3 in November 2017. Oh, no, trust me. I'm a dairy farmer, son. It's definitely Teo. Teo's sparing. Yeah. He got 8.3 in November. Oh, no, trust me. I'm a dairy farmer, son.

It's definitely Teo. I've heard it said with multiple square words either side of it. Teo. So this guy earns a ton of money, but with 40 million New Zealand dollars, what could he buy? Good Lord. That is today's top six. Number six, 727,272 metres of Toto's meat along pizza.

Does that get them out of a pickle? It would get them. He could rightly get Toto's out of the little wee pickle they found themselves in. That's 727 kilometres of pizza. Oh, that's famous. For people that don't know, that's meat along pizza. Famous. If you're in Auckland office.

Yeah. Auckland office workers love a meat along pizza. You want to see an Auckland accountant absolutely spaz out? Walk in with a Toto's meat along pizza. Oh, Toto's, it's on. It is on. It's on. Tell everybody it's on down the staff room.

I'm an accountant. It doesn't take much to get me going. These are all pizzas, by the way. Okay, right. You're about to cotton on to that fact. Number five on the top six things that Australian Domino's CEO could buy with $40 million New Zealand dollars. $23,529,411 frozen 125 gram Leaning Tower Hawaiian pizzas. Mums love a Leaning Tower Hawaiian pizza.

You remember they have a little way where they're individually wrapped and you just rip open the end and you'd microwave them. Yeah, mum... Microwave them. I know, they'd be chewy as buggery, but you were in a hurry

because you're a 14-year-old boy. After school, yeah, you'd always microwave them. If you put them in the oven, the base would always burn just when the top starts to melt. Yeah, classic. Damn it.

Is it defrost in the microwave at the end of the oven? Maybe. Leave it on the bench, I think. Defrost it. Leave it out to defrost. Before you go to work. And then Bev would come home and add extra toppings.

She was a bit extra sometimes. She was a bit extra. My mum bought these once, but we ate them in like a day. Yeah. So never again. Nah, never again. We're back to those big family sized pizzas. Okay.

Number four on the list of the top six things the Australian Domino's CEO could buy with $40 million New Zealand dollars. Eight million Pizza Hut classic cheese pizzas from the $5 flavour menu. Eight million pizzas. That's like nearly two each for every New Zealander. Nearly. And there'd be some people that could eat more than two

and there'd be some people who couldn't eat two. So it'd probably average out quite nicely. Yeah, quite nicely. Number three on the list of what this Australian CEO could buy with his paycheck, pizza-wise, two million pandemonium pizzas from Hell Pizza. Oh, that's a classic. The cranberry brie. Chicken situation.

Two million of them. Oh, yum. Number two on the list. Wait, so you could buy eight million of the other ones and then two million of the. Oh, yum. Number two on the list. Wait, so you could buy eight million of the other ones and then two million of the Hell Pizza ones. You could buy 23 million of those little Leaning Tower frozen pizzas. 23 million. I'm going to definitely, in my subconscious tonight,

be like, I feel like pizza. Oh, damn it, that's why. Yeah, you got me. Yeah, you got me. Number two. This is what the Australian Domino CEO could buy pizza-wise at other pizza restaurants with his wages. One million sells sausage pizzas with six million garlic knots on the side. Delicious.

That's in the combo form. Yeah. You'd need to go in and specify that's the combo form. But he could buy a million of the pizzas and then six million garlic knots on the side. Delicious. But if he's going to sell, he's an idiot to not get some wings.

I'll just say it. I'll just say it. And the number one thing that the Australian Domino's CEO could buy with his 40 million New Zealand dollars of earnings, five homemade pizzas. Once you've bought all the ingredients separately and been like, oh, we'll get the nice cheese. We'll get the nice cheese. Oh,

get those nice spaces. Get those nice spaces. Oh, get a whole bag of spinach leaves. We'll use three. You know, buy tomatoes. I know it's the middle of winter, but we'll buy some tomatoes. You know, it's pizza night. It's not going to add up to that much. And it

always does. That's today's top six. FBM. going to add up to that much. And it always does. That's today's top six. Fletch, this is something you will know about because you use Airbnb. I was going to say quite a lot, but you have used it. A couple of times. And what this is talking about, I actually had a conversation at the weekend about this exact problem with Airbnb. Right.

So in Europe, Airbnb is being told to tighten their belts. And actually, this is probably a problem wherever you use Airbnb, is that there's hidden charges and they're talking specifically... Cleaning fees. Cleaning fees at the end. Yeah, because you'll go through

and you'll be like, oh, well, I'm going to go here this weekend or this week. I'll search for Airbnbs. Yeah. And they show you the price and then you're like, oh, that's good. And then you click on it. And the cleaning fee can be anything from nothing to $80, $90.

Is it true that like sometimes you don't know it until afterwards or they calculate it afterwards? It shows you when you select the dates and you click on it. It'll give you the breakdown. Yeah. But it just adds so much more sometimes that you may as well just get a hotel. Yeah. So they're saying consumers must easily understand what for and how much they're expected to pay for these services.

And it needs to be like across the board fair. Because I spoke to someone at the weekend who stayed at an Airbnb in Paris. Yeah. And when they left, they left it like you would a hotel room. So not like you wouldn't leave your rubbish everywhere. But you leave the bed unmade. You leave your towels on the floor and, you know, like dirty cups and whatnot. Well, if you're paying for a cleaner to come in and probably,

I would assume they're changing the sheets anyway. That's why I never make a bed when I'm leaving anywhere. There was an $80 cleaning fee and they got a review saying they'd left it in an utter mess. In a state. In a state. But you'd paid $80 for a cleaning fee. Yeah, and they're going to have to change the sheets anyway. And the towels.

And pick up the towels. What's the difference? Yeah. And that's a big cleaning fee. Yeah. So in some of these cases, the cleaning fee can be more than what you paid for the actual place itself, which is not right either.

So they're trying to like pull the strings and get it like across the board regulated. There's lots of issues with Airbnb at the moment, isn't there? Well, they've made them illegal in heaps of, I know Bangkok's just outlawed them. Heaps of cities, yeah, have. Because you were going to Thailand at the end of the year and we thought about staying in an Airbnb in Bangkok.

Yeah. And then Sade's dad, who lives there, who is Thai. I like to point that out. Because otherwise it just makes it sound like my father-in-law retired. Otherwise Elon Musk will call your father a pedo. Pretty much. Yeah, my father-in-law, who lives in Bangkok, he's Thai. He is from Thailand.

He's returned home to spend some time with the family before retiring back in New Zealand. Do you hear that, Elon? Don't. Please don't put that anywhere. Yeah, he sent us this headline, and it was in the Bangkok Post, just saying Airbnbs are illegal because it's affecting rental properties. But sometimes they can be so much cheaper, and you can get some really cool places.

But you don't get free breakfast in the morning. Some do. Like a buffet breakfast. Some leave you a little continental situation. Oh, that's cute. Yeah. Yeah, I just take breakfast or buy breakfast. I just don't like that, like, you know, like you might,

if you're travelling all around the place, you might get into a city at a certain time. It might be like 9am or 9pm. Then you've got to arrange to meet people and get the key for the place. Oh, yeah, true. Isn't that a bit niggly? Yeah. We sat at one and it had a lock people and get the key for the place. Oh, yeah, true. Isn't that a bit niggly? Yeah. We sat at one and it had a lockbox outside with the key in it.

Oh, and they just let you in. And they let you know the four-digit pin and that was the open that got the key. But then you can go back a week later and steal the TV. Oh, 100%. I did. You did, you did. I did. I'm going to go back next weekend and get the microwave because ours is on the fritz.

Makes sense. Change your pin. Heavens. It was our childhood, this TV show. It was, we used to, our cousins used to come over and we used to play this as a game. Did you ever play the game? Will you just be the characters?

Yeah. Yeah. It ran from 1991 to 2004. So there's 13 years. And even if you're only into it for a couple of years at a time, that encompasses a lot of childhood. Well, even outside of 2004, the reruns still went, didn't they? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Forever and a day. They went for ages. It had a very famous theme song as well. Fletch, I believe. Didn't Missy Elliott use the Rugrats theme song? Oh, no, she did. It was Maya. And Missy Elliott, they did the Rugrats movie theme song

and they did the remix of the Rugrats. Well, Rugrats is coming back. A 26-episode reboot, I guess, of the original Rugrats series has been ordered. Because there was Rugrats, and then they did one where they'd grown up, and they were like teenagers. Oh, no. Never really hit home with me. So now everybody that watched Rugrats as a kid has kids,

and so they can watch Rugrats as well. has kids. Has kids. And so they can watch it. Watch Rugrats as well. But will the voices still sound the same? Or were they just adults doing kids' voices? They were adults doing kids' voices all along. So they could easily just get the same adults back. And are they getting... Because I'm not having someone else do Chucky or like, you know, you can't change the voice. Tommy, Phil, Phil and Lil.

I don't know. Angelica. That's pretty good. That Phil and Lil. I don't know. Angelica! That's pretty good. That was pretty good. That's pretty good. That's Phil. You did a good Chucky. You do Chucky. Oh my god. No, I can't do it now. I'm putting him in the swamp. Because he always had a blocked nose. I don't know.

No. I don't know, Tommy. I don't know if this is going to get Tommy. He didn't always have a blocked nose. Yeah, he was always. And we all knew a Chucky, didn't we? We did. A kid who got glasses real young. I got glasses quite young.

Were you the Chucky? Probably, actually, looking back on it. Everybody wanted to be the Tommy, didn't they? Sort of the leader of the pack. I wanted to be Lil. From Phil and Lil. Yeah. No one wanted to be Angelica because she was a... A bitch.

That sounds horrible to say about a child, and I blame, I put the blame squarely at the feet of her parents. Yeah. Her mother was so business-minded. Yeah. She often neglected Angelica, and she relied on Cynthia as a sort of a mother figure, and her father was just walked all over.

And, you know, there was no strong sort of fatherly figure there, and she turned herself into a right little bitch. So you'll be watching the new series then? Oh, yes. But I'll be watching it like I watched when they read her Duck Tales. Right. I'll be like, hmm. My problem with Angelica's family, seemingly affluent,

her mum looked like she had money, she always had a mobile phone. Why didn't she get her a new Barbie? Because Cynthia had seen better days. I believe there was an episode where Cynthia got lost and there was a new doll acquired. I think she didn't want a new doll. Right. I think she was happy with Cynthia.

Right. Because she had half her hair missing. Yeah, she did. She had her real hair. She was having a bad hair day every day, wasn't she? Gosh, we could talk about rug rights till the cows come home. I'm noticing. Yeah, I really am. God, don't get me started on Doug.

What was it? Is that Doug? Doug Funny with Patty Mayonnaise. Oh my God. Other buddy, Skeet. Hey, Doug. And they were always up to adventures. God, Nickelodeon peaked in the 90s. Why was Doug green? Oh, there was a lot of stuff going on in that. In Doug's world. They were always up to adventures. God, Nicoletti had peaked in the 90s. Why was Doug green?

Oh, there was a lot of stuff going on in that, in Doug's world. They were all different colours. There was no sort of consistency. Maybe there was deeper undertones to Doug. It was teaching us that regardless of your skin colour, you know. Oh, no, it was his friend that was green. Doug wasn't. Yeah, Skeet was green.

Doug was ordinary coloured. Yeah. Hattie was ordinary coloured. Yeah. Skeet was green. So green's not ordinary. Is that what you're saying? Oh, see? Wow, racist. Patty was ordinary coloured. Yeah. Skeet was grey. So green's not ordinary. Is that what you're saying? Oh, see?

Wow, racist. Yes, I know. Absolutely racist. Take a look in a mirror. Speaking of racist, Rugrats, there was no brown babies involved, and then the brown baby got involved later after a few series in. Okay. Maybe that's something they can think about for the new series.

A bit of ethnic diversity. More diverse, yeah. Add more to the cast. I don't want to give up anything. Sure. Would you say that lots of sleep is better for your appearance? Yes. Well, yeah, because then you don't have bags under your eyes.

Yeah. You look rested. Well, apparently there's no scientific way to work out if people who sleep more are more attractive. But a study has been done to work out how much sleep we need to feel better looking so obviously if you don't get enough sleep you get bags under your eyes but also like i feel like i've aged a lot getting up early because i don't go to bed early enough because i get fomo and this is what you're missing out on some great tv show

yeah i don't know something might happen on social media and I missed it. But this study has looked into people who felt that they were looking their best when they slept this amount of time. Right. So it's broken down how long you need to sleep and what time going to sleep and waking up is ideal. So I can tell you that 9 hours and 10 minutes is ideal. That's so long. I know. It's not even 8 hours. It's more than that.

9 hours and 10 minutes. 10 minutes a night. Yeah. Every night. To look your best. To look and feel ideal. Imagine how gorgeous I would be. If you got 9 hours of sleep. Already hitting a solid 8 most days after like six hours sleep tops. Imagine, I'd be a threat.

What? Yeah, you'd be a... Like men would cross their roads with their wives and girlfriends if they saw me coming. They're like, oh, don't let her get too close to him. So I get up at 4am. What is the minus nine hours and ten minutes of that? I'm so scared. I don't know. Minus ten hours is... Minus four hours and ten minutes of that.

Minus ten hours is... Minus four hours till midnight, and then how much? Nine hours, ten minutes. So then you go back another five hours, that's still seven o'clock, and then another ten minutes. You're going to be going to bed at ten to seven every night. Not happening.

Not happening. I'm just going to look this crap all the time. In summer, that would still be light. It'd be hot. There's the odd day on the weekend where I'll get that much sleep and I wake up with a headache. Like my body's like, you have been out too long. You're thirsty, you're hungry, you're full of wheeze.

Get up. It doesn't, and my body does not like, don't get me wrong, it used to. I could knock a 12-hour sleep on the head like that in my early 20s. No props. So the ideal the ideal time to go to sleep is 9.45

yeah that's pretty good that's kind of my bedtime but and then you wake up the next day at 5 to 7 6.55

so if you had 9.45 bedtime 6.55 wake up time you are looking to be ideal does it change

the earlier in the morning you get up? Does it just go back the same amount? Or do you require more? Because my mum always said hours of sleep before midnight count for more than hours after. Really? Like deep sleep. In her scientific studies.

Yeah, in her scientific studies. You might sleep from 1 in the morning till 9, 8 hours, but you'd be better to sleep from 10 till 6. Right. That was two hours before midnight. And I never questioned it. I just thought, well, she knows what she's doing. She's a mum.

She loves sleep. She wears bed socks. This is her area of expertise. She's a mother. Well, they must have worked out what time of the night was the best for most people. There's like new parents listening being like, and there's people who get up for work who are just like,

yeah, that's not happening. That's just not happening. And then like you go to bed, you might go to bed at 9.45 or 10, but then you've got to spend like half an hour on your phone, don't you? Oh, God, I rolled over last night. Shardow was on her phone and I was like, put that down. She's whinging about how she can't get to sleep. Mate, you're staring at a phone.

Put it down. Put it down, girl. Does she have that night thing on her phone where it goes to different light on you? Yeah, it goes to an orange, eh? It takes out the blue. No, but that's a good idea. Yeah, do that. Or just not look at the phone.

Do you look at the phone before you get into bed? Yeah, that's true. Could do that too. FVM, the podcast. FVM. Now, Wellington have new buses, double-decker buses, much like the double-decker buses in Auckland. Don't talk to me about the double-decker buses.

Why? They don't go west. I don't know if we've got two lower bridges or what the story is. You don't deserve them, I think is the answer there. But this is a thing in Auckland, and Wellington commuters, some of them are struggling with the blue neon lighting that are in the double-decker buses. It's causing, they say...

It looks like CSI light from the photo I saw. Like when you walk into a crime scene and they flick that light on and it shows you all the blood and human... Yeah. Well, it's just blue neon

and apparently people are saying it's too aggressive, it's unhealthy and they're saying that blue light for people that suffer chronic headaches Blue neon. And apparently people are saying it's too aggressive, it's unhealthy, and they're saying that blue light for people that suffer chronic headaches can actually trigger headaches and cause migraines. Well, that's the thing about people who stare at computers all day, eh? It's the blue light that gives you the headache. Like you said before, phones now have a function at night

that can dull the screen, take the blue lights out, which kind of, you know. It goes kind of orangey. Yeah. So that you can go to sleep. I've actually looked it up and it does have an adverse effect on your health. It's been scientifically proven. So it can induce headaches or migraine attacks and worsen pain or other symptoms.

So if people already have like headaches and stuff, it leads to eye fatigue, can suppress melatonin production, which can lead to disruption of sleep. So that's why your phone can change. Right. And can cause damage to your retina and your eye. So Medlink are saying it's the way the bus was designed and the lights are blue to stop reflection inside the bus so that the driver can see.

Right. But then I always thought, like, buses, don't they just turn the lights on when the doors open automatically? Like, you don't need to have lights on, eh? I'm just thinking about, I don't know about being dark on a bus. Well, you think when a bus drives past, there's always some sort of light on in it. Yeah.

But I was on a bus, I snapped you even at the weekend with the blue light. I wondered where that blue light was. There's blue light on the bus and this has been a thing in Auckland for a while. I don't know if other buses around the country have the blue light thing. But can't they just change the colour of the light? Like to a nice pink

or something? No. That would be then reflective off the bus driver's windscreen, right? But then surely, what, does blue light not reflect off a bus driver window? Maybe because it's a darker light. Also, some of these lights are in the top deck of the bus. The driver can't see that. Oh, you're true.

The driver can't see it. So why have them? Maybe give the options. The dark are downstairs and the light are upstairs. Look, that probably just saved them a lot of money, that consultation we've done on the radio. Because I know when the council consults out, a lot of money, and we charge nothing for catering.

These sorts of consultations are always heavily catered events. So you're saying we should be council consultators? Well, I was just thinking at least they could... Consultators! You've ruined it now! We can't be consultants! You've called us consultators! It's like a consultant and a commentator, which is what we're doing. Okay, we're consultators. Consultators. You've ruined it now. We can't be consultants. You've called us consultators.

It's like a consultant and a commentator, which is what we're doing. Okay, we're consultators. We're consultators. Yes. We can charge more now because there's less of us. Yes, we're a very specific service. But have people been complaining in Auckland where blue lights have been on buses for like the last six months, I feel? I don't know. No one uses public transport in Auckland.

True. Okay, good call, Nat. They just stoked when it turns up. Yeah. Like, oh, a bus. Oh, my God, it's here. We still have those here. Somebody said when they drive past,

it looks like a fishbowl on wheels because of the blue light. It does. It's just kind of like slowly moving around. Do you know, these are also the same blue lights if you've ever been in like a lot of, in Australia, Sydney especially, because they have a lot of drug, needle drug users, like

bars, public toilets have these blue lights in them because you can't see your veins, so people don't shoot up there. It's the same kind of blue light, so it looks like maybe they're against drug use, which is fair enough. I like how people think that's enough to stop a drug addict.

I know. Oh, we'll put a blue light in here. Oh, they'll just go somewhere else. Sweet as I just smoke my heroin then. I don't know if you know, but us drug users, we adapt very well. We'll find a way, exactly. I have received a message on Facebook, and sometimes I'm like, you know what? I could answer this myself,

but it's better to put it to people, see what everyone thinks, because I actually don't know what the answer is for this one. I won't say who. No names. No names. Hi there. So I really need some help on this,

and I don't really want to talk to my friends about it, but I've just broken up with my girlfriend. We were together for a year. I'm ready to move on, but she's still quite hung up on me. I guess I just want to know if there is a stand down period.

I just really want to move on. So this person, I kind of get the gist that they want to go out with someone else. They've got somebody else lined up. Yeah, maybe. For like a one night or a bit of a fling or some fun or an actual... Does it matter? I could go out with this person.

No, probably not. Because you're moving on kind of... Really? One night wouldn't mean as much as if they got into a serious relationship. Because if they got into a serious relationship... if they got into a serious relationship straight away, you'd be like, okay, well, I feel like that has been bubbling. No, I feel like that's different for girls and guys because guys would hook up and be like, it doesn't mean anything.

But to a girl, even just like hooking up with someone else means something because it's like, oh, you must be over me because you're hooking up with someone else. Oh, yeah, but then they can be over you. But if they jumped in straight into another relationship, wouldn't you be a bit more like, okay, why'd you kick that off so quick? Yeah, maybe. I mean, there are no rules, are there?

Especially, like, because this person did the breaking up. Yeah, so I think if you do the breaking up, you've got to – if you get broken up with, knock yourself out, go crazy. But if you do the breaking up, you've got to give that person a bit of time, don't you? Or at least don't tell them or rub it in their face. At least it was really messy and they were terrible people and the breakup was a long time coming and you were just the one that finally made the decision. No, but often the person who does the breaking up has already decided and already emotionally disconnected anyway.

Yeah. Because they've had longer to think about it and process it. They've been thinking it through. So what is the right answer then? So somebody's basically emailed you saying

I've just ended my relationship came to hook up with a newbie but what's the But you know that their ex they said their ex is still quite hung up on them. Right. So is there a stand down period?

Do you think we can... I guess it all comes down to what that person still means to you a bit as well. Yeah. Like if you still want to be friends, you wouldn't rush into something... No, you wouldn't be rubbing it in their face, would you? No. I mean, you might hook up with someone, but you're not going to put it out there. You're not going to be on Instagram stories just out on date night with new person.

No. But then what's a good amount of time? Because even like a month would seem... If you're being broken up with and they go out with someone within a month, you're like, oh, great. But then what are they meant to stop life? I know. You've got to get out and, you know, there are no rules.

You're broken up. You can do what you want. Yeah. Yeah, life's the shortest long thing you'll ever do. And it's also the longest short thing you'll ever partake in. Mahatma Gandhi. Yeah. And we're all going to die at the end.

I've got a problem with someone saying life's short because it's not. It's the longest thing you'll ever do. But then people are saying, oh, you know, it's a long life, but it's not. Okay. Flies by in the scheme of the universe. So it's the longest, shortest thing you'll ever do.

So if we had to ask now, what would we... What's an acceptable stand down period, I guess, after a relationship? And does it change depending on how long you've been together? So is there some kind of rule? Somebody messaged in, rule of thumb, one month of grieving per year you went out. No, that's stupid if you go out with someone for five years, what you're not meant to see. Five months. No, that would seem healthy, wouldn't it?

Five months? That's nearly half a year of what not seeing anyone. Yeah. She's like, what? That's madness. That's madness. I mean, I know after like that long, you don't want to rush out and be like, you know, you need a bit of time, don't you? But still, five months.

No, that's a stupid rule. Maybe it needs to be like an initial and then it degrades over time. Right. Like a mathematical formula. Right. So then also the person breaks up with you and spends three months trying to work out the mathematical formula because no one can remember algebra and quadratic equations. All right.

Well, maybe you've been in this situation. You broke up with someone and they hooked up with someone maybe straight away or a month or two later. What is the ideal stand down period when you break up with someone? You can text 9696. Give us a call. 0800 dials at M. Do we have a rough, any kind of early

indication? A month? Somebody just said the one month of grieving per year you went out. You didn't like that. Up to two months. No, you're right. It's like a car. So when you first get it, it's shiny and new, but then it depreciates. So it's the same. You've got to take time off for the depreciation. So when you first get it, it's shiny and new, but then it depreciates. So it's the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've got to take time off for the depreciation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, gradually. Okay, well, hit us with your answers. Give us a call. So what is the ideal stand-down period when you break up with someone? Before you move on, we'll take your calls now. Vicky, what's the best amount of time, in your opinion? Well, personally, so I recently came out of like a two-year relationship

and I ended up only really waiting about two weeks. And that's mainly because I think, you know, when you're in a relationship and if you're the one that's doing the dumping, you end up checking out a bit earlier. But it's also, you know, if that opportunity comes up, you've got someone else or you meet someone, you don't want to be like, oh, I can't because I have to still wait. You might end up missing out on that opportunity just because of

that socially acceptable stand down time. So the main thing is that you make sure that you're happy and you do what's best for you at the time. So that's my opinion, really. Look after yourself. I like that. That's good, yeah. I like that. It's wise words. Yeah, look after yourself. Be respectful to others and look after yourself. I tell you what,

that just doesn't apply to relationships either. That's across the board. Thanks, Vicky. Well, what do you reckon is the perfect stand-down period before you move on to somebody else? Who's used to stand-down? Okay, no, fair enough.

So I got dumped after about four months of dating a girl, and a week, met my current girlfriend. We've been together for 18 months now. Oh, and just like Vicky was saying, like if you'd said, well, I'm going to not see anyone for a month, you would have missed out on your current girlfriend. Exactly.

Exactly. Just get into it. If the time is right, go for it. You weren't like like, mourning the relationship or you weren't still hung up on your ex? Nah, no point crying over spilt milk. Four months isn't long in the scheme of things, is it? All right, thanks, Will.

Ali, you were with your boyfriend for how long, three years? Yeah, so I was pretty sick of him and ready to end it a long time before then, which I should have done, but anyway. I finally split up at the three-year mark and he was, like, begging me not to. And it was definitely not mutual. Yeah.

So I moved out in, like, that afternoon. And then, like, within the week, because I wanted to move on straight away, but I thought, oh, I better, like, wait for a while. Yeah. And within the week, he was, like, out there in a relationship on Facebook, photos, the whole shebang. Oh, I feel that was

more rubbing it in your face. Yeah. Just wants a rebound to rub in your face. Probably. But then I was kind of like, well, I just made the decision that I, because I was acting to download Tinder, I was like, okay, well, I'm going to move on, but I'm just going to keep it private, because I don't want to upset him, because he's obviously quite hurt.

So I think, like, as long as you don't try and rub it in someone's face, it is your life. Yeah. I think that's – but it's hard, though. If someone gets dumped and they feel gypped and, you know, and wrong, then they are probably going to rub it in your face, aren't they? Yeah. To be honest, I felt really sorry for the girl that he was with

because it's like, oh, he's just trying to upset me via you. Sorry, sweetie. Yeah. She's being a tool. So you reckon, though, you'd give it about a month, though? Well, I didn't know how long I needed to give her. I thought I'd just wait until he stopped calling me in the middle of the night crying. Which happened to be a week.

So did he stop doing that once he got with her? Yeah. Well, when she was over anyway. I took it upon the night that she was with me. Sorry. He cheated on me. He totally deserved me to leave. Oh, okay. Oh, well, there we go.

Okay, now I'm on your side again. Yeah. Because I was like, I'm on. Okay, Ellie, thanks for your call. Thanks, guys. Some text messages in. Someone said there shouldn't be a stand-down period. You get one life to spend it how you want to.

So when you're ready to move on, who cares about time? Just do it. You can't put your life on hold for somebody else's. So true. If you need some time, take some time. Yeah. But if you don't, get into it. They'll move on eventually and hate you 90% of the time anyway.

But it's nice to be thoughtful of other people's feelings. You know? Or at least give them a heads up and say, hey, like I'm with someone else you might see around or on Facebook. Just giving you the heads up first. Someone said I was with my partner for 12 years. He broke things off.

We were separated for three months when I met my new partner. So that's three, 12, 12 years, 12 weeks. That's a week per year of investing in the relationship. Somebody said, this is my mathematical formula. Number of months divided by four minus, and then you wait that many weeks. So 12 months divided by four, you wait three weeks.

Right. Three years is 36 months divided by four, wait nine weeks. They've worked this out. They've written it all out in mathematical formula. That sounds all right. But we've heard from people that have met their current love of their life, their current partners. Next.

You know, in less time than that. Yeah. So you might be missing out. Just by putting it all on hold. Yeah, for no reason. Yeah. So there's no, I mean, the general answer is here, you've got to kind of put yourself first, really, don't you?

You do you. You do you. Look after yourself and be respectful of others. Shh. This can't leave the room. This can't leave the room is a segment of the show where we give you a chance to get the weight off your chest to anonymously make a confession, like a confession booth.

Oh, we love it. At church, except I'm not going to tell the next person. I know, I totally would. They're like, oh, I've sinned. I've used the Lord's name in vain. I'll be like, that love it. At church, except I'm not going to tell the next person. I know, I totally would. They're like, oh, I've sinned. I've used the Lord's name in vain. I'll be like, that's nothing. Susan was just in here. She's been sleeping with four different men.

Two Hail Marys. Get it, girl. And our father. And a high five for Susan. Yes. So we always ask you to complete the question, this can't leave the room, but, and today it's this can't leave the room, but I'm pretending to be...

Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. All right, let's open up the first Snapchat. This can't leave the room, but I'm pretending to be vegan because of my boyfriend, but I actually love nuggies. Oh, we all love nuggies. We all love a little nug, nuggies. We all love nuggies.

I know. Because you, Caitlin, you're a part time what? Vegetarian? Nothing. No, pescator. No, a cutitarian. Cutitarian. Yeah. So only eat not cute animals. Which are? Chicken and fish.

They're the ugly ones that you do eat. But have you seen like a little baby chicken? No, I'm not talking about baby chickens. I'm talking about big chickens. She doesn't eat them when they're babies. I don't eat little chickens. Oh, eat. But have you seen like a little baby chicken? No, I'm not talking about baby chickens. I'm talking about big chickens. Well, she doesn't eat them when they're babies. I don't eat little chickens. Oh, right. So they get ugly and then eats them. What about lamb?

I don't eat, no, she doesn't eat lamb. Lambs are cute. Yeah, right. I don't eat ducks. I had some duck fat yams the other day though. Oh, damn, girl, damn duck fat yams. Oh my God. Just because it's a vegan.

Yam. I love yams. So good. Oh my God, how good are yams. Oh, my God. Just because it's a veggie. Yams. I love yams. So good. Oh, my God. How good are yams? So good. But it's a veggie cooked in animal fat. Yams.

No, I know. The best way to make vegetables better, cook them in an animal. I was thinking it was an ugly duck. Oh, my God. What about pigs? It was a fat duck. No, they're so cute. It was a fat duck.

They had to get the fat off the duck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a fat, ugly duckling. So they just got a syringe and got the fat out. You make rules for everything you eat. So the duck's now better looking. Sure do, Megan. No, but we went to the Dumpling Barilla Dumplings and you had pork.

Yeah, that was an ugly pig that I ate. Oh, my God. It was hidden. Oh, right. It was hidden. And also, it was mainly just batter. So the pig, it was hardly anything. Yeah.

Could you just be like, this cow died of natural causes in my patty? Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to eat a cow that dies of natural causes, because what did it die of? Yeah. That's how you get mad cow, Megan. Yeah, right. Okay, all right, next one.

This can't leave the room, but I'm pretending to be qualified at my new job when I actually state my references and training course. So this can't leave the room, but I'm pretending to be qualified at my new job when I actually fake my references and training course. So this can't leave the room, but I'm pretending to be qualified at my new job when I actually faked my references and failed my training course. Fake it till you make it. Yeah. Remember when I pretended that I knew how to do half my job

when I started with you guys? If it's an unimportant job like this one, always knock yourself out. But if you're a surgeon or a... Oh, yeah. You can't fake that. Nah. I was going to say, like, leader of a country,

but Donald Trump's kind of still there, isn't he? He's faking that. He just does whatever he wants. Until he makes it. Yeah. Oh, I'd say if they haven't noticed and it's been a little while. You're all good. Who cares?

Yeah. All right, next one. Just can't leave the room, but I'm pretending to be straight because my family would never approve. Oh, do you know what? The trailer came out. We had Troye Sivan in Monday. That came out with Russell Crowe and Nicole Kidman.

That looks insane. Did they pretend to Russell Crowe and Nicole Kidman play as parents? Yeah, or the people that run the gay conversion camp. He's like the pastor, yeah, by the looks of it. That looks insane. So yeah, he goes to a gay conversion camp, and that happened in 2005, right?

Oh yeah, 2005. True story. Memoirs, based off memoirs. Does he know that his parents are not going to approve? Well, they probably make little comments like, oh, that guy's a poofter. Yeah, you're not going to. Maybe they don't realise they're doing it.

Give them the chance to stand up and do the right thing. Not my son. Be like, oh, sweet as dead. See ya. I'll go get myself another daddy. And he'll spank me. Okay, stop. Not just say mean things.

We don't need to hear your fantasies. I'll ask him to smack me. Stop, please. It wouldn't need to hear your fantasies. I'll ask him to smack me. Stop, please. If it means smacked, this is unrelated. Have I ever been smacked? My dad whacked me once when he'd been doing the dishes I always remember the slightly wet hand Not sexually Why is Sade's hand damp? Oh stop

It's yucky It's yucky when you say it Stop dad Smack it Smack it What is happening? What is happening? We're going to move on to the next question.

This cat leaves the room, but I'm pretending to be in a relationship because I'm 29 and my mum keeps bugging me about it. Oh, my God. Caitlin sent one in. Hi, Caitlin. You didn't disguise your voice. I am 27. Oh, and you're not yet pretending to be.

Not yet. She doesn't pretend to be in a relationship. She constantly tells us she's not. Do you have grandparents that you pretend to be in a relationship to? Nanny. No, that was just you. Nah, but she always... Poor old Aya.

It's just easier to say, yeah, no, yeah, this is my girlfriend. And I'm there in a wig being like, yes, it's very possible. They have terrible eyes on it where that worked amazingly well. Yeah. But you do look good as a woman. Thank you. I didn't even trim my beard. I know.

That's how far gone she was. All right, next one. R.I.P. Okay, this can't leave the room, but I'm pretending to be rich to impress a new girl, but I really have five credit cards and they're all maxed out. Hey, we're all pretending to live beyond our means. Champagne lifestyle, bare budget. Reel them in on your personality and then when they realise

you're broke. Not only poor, in horrendous debt. There's a difference between being like, not earning as much money as you say you are, but also having to dig your way out of huge debt on that smaller wage. Because then your debt becomes my debt and I didn't even do the fun thing to get myself into that debt.

Well, you might have got some fun things that lead to a bit more debt. True. All right, time for one more. This can't leave the room, but I'm pretending to be single around all my friends and work colleagues because they'd never forgive me for taking back my cheating ex-boyfriend. Ah. Oh.

A classic. Well, we've got someone who's pretending to be in a relationship, someone who's pretending to be single a relationship Someone who's pretending To be single Yeah But that's hard But that's classic Because you know Those couples that always

Break up and get back together And then you just get sick Of hearing about it Yeah And they obviously Realise that too Hence pretending That's why when your friend

Breaks up with someone Don't say anything nasty About the ex Until you know It's like final Yeah I hated him I never liked that guy No that's what I thought About when your friend Breaks up with someone on don't say anything nasty about the ex until you know it's like final. Do you like it? I hated him. I never liked that guy.

No, that's my favourite part about when your friend breaks up with someone. They're like, finally. And then they're like, next day, oh, we're back together. I'd be like, but I said that thing. Did that not sway you? I'm very influential. Remember when I said all the horrible stuff?

Yeah, we're going to live now. Oh, you're not allowed to see me or hang out with me anymore. Well, that, okay, I can see where that's come from. Do you ever read, like, click-baity headlines and it's like, why you should never do this? And then you read it and you're like, I've always done that. And you feel quite proud of yourself. No, I can't say I have.

This has happened to me yesterday. I saw this story and I was like, I've been doing this for years. When I read it to you, you're going to be like, oh, okay, cool. But ever since I've been with my husband, I've done this because he's a bit of a germaphobe. Does he carry around a little pod of hand sanitizer? No, he's not that bad. Okay. He's not that bad.

Do you have some in your purse? I do. But I don't really use it that often because I forget that it's there. Okay. Yeah. But he's like, I have to wash my hands after the gym because like everyone touches those handles and stuff. A little bit like that.

I know I used to get about the gym and touching things. Oh, yeah. And then you like rub the sweat off your face and then you touch it again and then you like rub something and then you. Yeah. And then you touch your drink bottle and then you and then you touch your drink bottle and then you have your drink from your drink bottle Oh yuck. And then you lick a grown man's

armpit. I mean the gym's a place where germs can get in your mouth like any which way, you know? I don't know what you were doing at your gym in fact is it even a gym? Sometimes. It's time in the morning. In some parts of it it is. Well this story went round that it is important,

your toilet etiquette. So people are like, keep the toilet seat down, but they're meaning more the lid and the middle bit, right? That's right. The bit that you sit on. An age-old battle between men and women because women obviously need the toilet seat down. And I've only just learned it's because they don't want to fall in.

Yeah, but you totally fall in there. Haven't you? Never really got one. What, do they sit down on it without looking? It's cold. Who does that? It's dark at night or whatever as well. It's like us just like piddling without looking and it hitting the lid

and being like, well, I expected that to be open. No one would do that. But also I don't want to like touch it. I've fallen into my toilet at night because I don't turn the light on. That's the thing at night you don't turn the light on

you're like and it's real cold on your bottom. No that's why you don't go in too forceful because you can feel that it's cold before you fully fall in.

Right. But how funny are you lowering yourself onto the toilet to feel the cold before you touch it? Well at this time it was quite fast

and I was like quite in. I wedged myself momentarily. Really? Were your feet off the ground? And then I was like, oh, yeah. Did you get bum in water? No. No, I didn't go that low. Although in America, you could. Because, you know,

American toilet water level is quite high. Which I don't like. Yeah, it's like a swimming pool. You get plopping. Why do they do that? And then it swells rather than flushes. Is that to save water? I don't know. But it's weird. Stop it. Yeah. So, anyway, toilet chat. This story has said that when you go

toilet, when you flush, you put down everything. The lid and the seat. Yeah, the lid. That's a good... Before flushing. Everything before flushing. Poop, wipe, toilet paper in, shut all lids, flush. Which is what we

do in our household. Right. And partly it was because it seems the most fear because then when anyone needs to go to the toilet you have to lift it up. It's always back

to a neutral position. Okay. But it's also because germs fly when you flush. Oh. No, but like if you're putting all that in the toilet, right?

And then you flush and the water squirts up. It's like the toilet's sneezing. And there's poo particles and stuff flying out of your toilet. Is there? I don't know. They seem too heavy. And it goes under the water, doesn't it?

It goes under the water and then you put the paper on. You're making this up. We're not talking about actual poo flying out, but as soon as it goes in the toilet, the water is contaminated. You wouldn't drink the water. So why do you want the water flying out of the toilet? If I had to choose between this and putting down a little bit of paper before I sit down, I'd always put a little bit of paper down before I sit down.

Because then you sit down and there's no rug splash. Okay, yeah, good point. Toilet advice wise. We do this in our house, but it's only because August freaks out when the toilet has to flush and she thinks it's too loud and that it's going to suck her in. Has she seen a plane toilet? I don't know. Well, no, she can't.

If we go to the toilet on a plane, when we've been on a plane, I'm like, you wash your hands, you go back to mum. And then even then when she's halfway back, I'll check and I'll press the flush button and she goes, ah! I still don't like the flush. I still get a little bit worried that I'm going to be sucked into that. Oh, like lean on the flush button when you're sitting on it. I read somewhere

that a guy was sitting on a plane toilet and pressed the flush button and like his insides got sucked out. You watched the early 2000s awful movie Soul Plane

where that happens in the first five minutes and the guy gets paid out money and he buys his own airline with the money. Okay, right. The damage that it does.

Good lord. But there's Soul Plane, it's not true. But you're disagreeing with a professor of microbiology at the University of Arizona. So he said there's an aerosol effect when you flush a toilet and it sprays out fecal matter, which is why they always say don't put your toothbrush in your toilet.

But then you should have a little bit of fecal matter. Keep you healthy. Immunising. Immunising. It's the same as my dog goes to the vet and it gets its immunisation by getting a squirt up the nose. So if I'm getting a little bit of squirt up the nose, I'm... Why do you need to be immunised against poos?

Well, I've never had E. coli. I've never had E. coli. I've never had Campylobacter. I've never had any of the big ones that come from poos. Does it come from poos? It can, can't it? It can. Bad, bad, hot, bad.

I've never had Hep A. Food. That hot, bad. I've never had hip A. Food. That I know of. I've never had any of the hips. So you leave the toilet set up and you're doing fine. I'm not saying correlation equals causation, but I'm saying. Right. In fact, that's exactly what I'm saying.

Okay. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day, I actually had another one lined up, but I've changed my mind. I was watching a new Netflix show this morning called Explained. Now, I'd not heard of this. This morning, you have to explain why you're watching Netflix this morning. Oh, at the gym.

Oh, at the gym. You do it on the... You forget you're doing cardio, and then all of a sudden, you're really puffed, and you're watching Netflix this morning. Oh, at the gym. You forget you're doing cardio and then all of a sudden you're really puffed and you're sweating and you're like, where am I? It's good explained. It's almost like a visual podcast. There's like 15 to 20 minute long episodes. Each episode concentrates on something and they have a different celebrity narrating it. Oh, cool.

Which I really like. And the first episode of the series, and these come out one episode a week, so they have a different celebrity narrating it. Oh, cool. Which I really like. And the first episode of the series, and these come out one episode a week, so they get another reason why it's like a podcast. The first episode was about the exclamation mark. Okay. I don't know if that would have reeled me in. It got me. Okay, right.

I love the exclamation mark. They're explaining, like, why it looks like that? Where it comes from, its origins, are we using it too much? I use it all the time. I use it too much. That and ha ha in my messages. They're your full stops. Yeah, they're my full stops. Oh, no.

See, I've switched from a ha ha to a cry face emoji. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's my number one emoji. Yeah. I'll check. Oh, no, lately my number one emoji has just been like the two hands being like preach. Oh, that's a good one. Because I'm just like, yeah, I'm done here.

Yeah, cry last my number one emoji. Yep, same. Oh, that's a good one. Because I'm just like, yeah, I'm done here. Yeah, cry last night number one emoji. Yep, same. I think that says a lot about us. It does. It kind of touched a bit on emojis

and the gap and the weight that they've taken off punctuation. Very, very interesting. Does the punctuation community feel like a little more relieved

these days? These guys, a little less stressed. They had this, the guys who organise the show had a party and got all these editors and sub-editors drunk and

asked them about exclamation marks. Yeah. It was really cool. One guy was like, no, no, two per max. And this woman was like, no, no, no, you've got to use them heaps. You've got to use them heaps. God, I'll use four a message. Yeah, I know. A big message all the time. And it tells you what it means about people who use them. Oh, okay.

Like passionate people. Cute. Yeah. And women have to use them in a professional environment. This is all bloody sub fact, by the way. I don't want to spoil the whole episode for you. There's lots more in there. But in professional emails, if women don't use them,

they come across as not caring. Women in a professional workplace need to use more exclamation marks than their male counterparts to seem into work and actually passionate about their job. Because if a woman's like, yeah, that seems fine, exclamation mark. But if, yeah, if that seems fine, full stop.

Caitlin, producer Caitlin, you send a lot of emails. Do you use exclamation marks? This is a tricky one. Yes, I do, quite a bit one. Yes, I do. Quite a bit. But then if I'm trying to be professional, I don't.

And I take the smiley face away. And I put more commas in. More commas in. The more commas, the more professional it is. If your comma will work like mine, a lot of guests work in a comma. Because they say

it's whenever you should breathe. So you read it and you're like, yep, I'll just one more. I could read that three sentences without breathing. One big breath at the start. Start the sentence with four. Anyway, today's, I mean, this has all been good stuff. But today's fact of the day is there is a piece of punctuation called an interrobang.

An interrobang? Is it on the keyboard? A piece of punctuation. Not anymore. It was on some keyboards. On typewriters when it was invented in the 1960s

by Martin Spector. He invented the interrobang. He was in an advertising agency and he wanted a piece of punctuation to put at the end of rhetorical questions because advertisers always ask rhetorical questions.

They don't want an answer. Yep. You know, when they ask these questions. Like, are you too stressed after work? Yeah, they don't need an answer. They know that that's the thing because you're looking at this medic. So he invented the interior bang

while out at dinner with his wife. And it is an exclamation mark with a question mark that meets again at the bottom. I actually think it's a really good looking piece of punctuation. It almost looks like a P. Yeah, a P with a dot at the bottom. Yeah, a fancy P with a question mark that meets again at the bottom. I actually think it's a really good-looking piece of punctuation. It almost looks like a P. Yeah, a P with a dot at the bottom. Yeah, a fancy P with a dot, but it's a question mark

and an exclamation mark into one piece. In fact, you know, even right now, like if someone's like, Susan's cheated on Steve. What? And you go, question mark, question mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark. That is a version of the interior bang. Right.

And it isn't called the interior bang because the first half is a questioning, so an interrogating. Yeah. And a bang is because at the time when this guy invented it, that was what was in the 1960s Batman when he punched. Right. It went bang and it was an exclamation mark. That is interesting.

So next time you do a go, question mark, exclamation mark, you can know that you've just done an interpretation of the interior bang. And thanks for ruining

that whole first episode of that show. Oh no, there's so much more. Oh, okay, great. There's so much more. And then they do one on aliens and I'm up to the one

where they're about to explain how esports got as massive as it did so quickly. Oh, gaming. Yeah, gaming. And how people go to a stadium to watch people play games. Right. Yeah.

Okay. It's a great series. I'm loving it so far. If you're like into facty news. Are you on the payroll for Netflix or something? Nope. Okay. I would like that though.

What a hard job that would be. Watch Netflix and tell people to watch it. That'd be great. Oh, what a hard job. Like a reviewer. Would be great. Okay. So today's fact of the day

is there is a piece of punctuation called an interrobang. Fact of the day! Day, day, day, day! If I said to you there was a woman on Facebook saying how hard it is to be skinny, what would be your reaction? Does she have to work hard to be skinny? I want to know what kind of be skinny.

Or is she skinny by nature? She can eat whatever she wants. Oh, I hate those people. Yeah, but only because we're on the other side of the coin. Yeah, basically. And people always want what they don't have. Pretty much. Yeah.

So she has put on Facebook, it's a Facebook group that's called Love What Matters, and she has said how hard it is to be slim. She has worn it. I bet she has. So let me, I'll read some of what she's written. So she wrote, skinny girls can wear whatever. Skinny girls have it so easy.

She said, okay, try being skinny for a year and you'll understand how hard it is. We don't have it easy. We can eat whatever we want and not gain weight. That's a pro of being skinny. But other than that, there's not many positives. Although my best friend is quite slender. I don't even want to call her skinny because she hates that.

But she would eat whatever she wanted and she would try and gain weight. She would eat terribly because people always say to her, eat a donut, just eat chips every day, which she does and would never gain weight. And she struggled. Could you imagine what that would be like though? Like, what do you mean? That'd be so great.

No, but she, she. I mean, your insides would be disgusting and you might feel like crap. But she wants to gain weight. So she doesn't feel confident with the way she looks either. So I'll carry on with what this girl has said. She gets called anorexic. People tell you you need to eat more because you need more meat on your bones. I'd imagine that would be pretty horrible.

Don't your parents feed you? You look hungry. People measure her wrists with their fingers. So they put it around there and say, don't you understand that you're too skinny? How horrible is that? Where's your butt? Where's the rest of your chest? She says she goes to

places the extra small pants sometimes don't even fit and then I have to go to specific shops because you need someone who respects your size. Going outside, making sure that what you wear isn't too big or too tight because you don't want to look like a walking stick with clown feet. People always comment to her on the street, like, you don't think about it, but your initial

reaction to this post is, oh, okay, you've got it so hard. I always just find it amazing that people would comment to another stranger on the street. In public, I know. About anything. Like, just keep it to that people would comment to another stranger on the street. In public, I know. About anything. Like, just keep it to yourself. Yeah, exactly. Do you not get comments? Like, I think maybe girls get comments on the street more than men do.

Is that a fair assumption? I'd say that's a fair assumption. We get comments on our looks often. No, it's not. No, but not just, it just blows my mind that people still do that. Cat calling's one thing, but to say to somebody, a perfect stranger,

gosh, you're skinny. Just waiting at the traffic lights to look across and see someone, I might be like, oh, that's slender, but that's in my head. To the hour I said to them, gosh, you're skinny, are you hungry, do you eat? That seems so weird. But like, so my, like I said, my best friend's slender.

And up until now, I've only just realized like how hard they do have it. Because she is the same as like me, who's always on a diet, just the opposite end of the scale. She always wants to put on weight. She can't no matter how hard she tries. And she gets constant remarks about it. Just eat a donut. Like, I've even said that to her.

And it's really hurtful. Would you rather be you or her? No, but she always says to, like, people of my size, goals. And then I say to her, oh, I'd love to. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, of course I would rather be more like skittier. But that's just it just goes to show that like everyone

has their own insecurities. And please don't say to skinny people that they should eat a donut because on behalf of my best friend, it's not very nice. What, donuts aren't very nice? No, don't tell her she needs to eat a donut. Oh yeah, don't tell anybody they need to eat it. Just shut it. Don't worry about it. Just don't very nice. They're a little bit dry, but I still like them. Don't tell anybody they need to eat it.

Just shut it. Just shut it. Don't worry about it. Just don't say strangers. Check if your friends are okay and stuff. But then if they're your friends, you've probably heard about it. You know your friends better. What do you mean, check if they're okay?

Oh, but if you were worried, like, you know, if you saw a stranger and you're like, God, I think you better eat a pie. But then if you had a friend who lost, like, lots of weight and you were a bit worried about them, you'd obviously approach it more tactically. Or if they were thin, you know, you'd approach it more tactically because they're your friend. Yeah, of course.

But in saying that, that time we went to the Miley Cyrus concert and they only had those small girls raglan tees. Remember they had raglan tees at Miley? Yeah, I know you really wanted that. They didn't come in in large males. Did they have any males? No, certainly not of my size. I'm sorry for that.

If I was an eight-year-old, I could have worn one. I mean, it's ageism as well. Sizeism, ageism, sexism. If we ever interview her again, we need to bring this up. Yes. She's got a huge fan base. Well, now especially. In their 30s.

30-something males. Huge. A bit of a tear to her head. It's been a while since we've had a Vaughan Smith story to make you cry. Guys. What's this music? What's Man's Best Friend? Is this about a dog?

It's about a dog. Brilliant. And it's a gonna getcha. Producer Caitlin knows this story, but I feel like she's just going to cry anyway. She's just making me cry. You're a real dog person. You like house sit for people. You look after their dogs.

You love dogs. You take dogs for walks. You're nice to my dog. And it's very annoying. No one else does it, those pleasantries. Your dog is so cute. You do not give your dog credit. It's all right when it calms down, but it's annoying for a start.

Megan, you've got a dog. Yeah. Your dog. Now, I didn't go. We went to Megan's the other day just to drop something off. I didn't go inside. But am I correct in saying there's a family photo by the dog's bed? No, it's not a family photo.

It's just a photo of him. It's a photo of Leo James. And his favourite toy. It's framed. It's beautiful. It's like a portrait in his bedroom. Oh my God, you're like a crazy cat lady, but a crazy dog lady.

Well, this is a story about Cody. Cody, sorry. What's Cody? Cody is a boxer Labrador cross. Cute. And a little while ago, Cody's owner, Alex Arcarcha, 22, who's had Cody since Cody was like a brand new puppy. I already can't handle this.

Went through the formative years with Alec. You know, probably Alec probably cried to Cody when his first girlfriend or boyfriend broke his heart. Yeah. You know, it's tough being a teenager. Your emotions are going crazy. Yeah. The dog's never going to judge.

What happened to the dog? The dog's going to lick away the salty tears. Yeah. And you might think it's because it loves you, but it's probably just like needing more salt. Yeah, they love salt, don't they, dogs? Well, anyway, Cody, the boxer, wasn't doing great, so they took him to the vet.

And it turns out Cody had terminal bone cancer. Oh, shit. I didn't know dogs could get that. Oh, yeah. They can get, well, yeah, no, any animal, like mammals get cancer

regardless. Do you put them on chemotherapy? No, Cody was too old. Oh. Too far gone and very, very expensive, obviously. I hope I never have to

put my dog down. Leo James is going to outlive you. That'd be the worst. Yeah, he is. He's not allowed to die before me. Well, the doctor said at the moment, your dog does have a certain quality of life. It's terminal.

We can't treat this. But until it gets worse, here's some medication for the pain. You've already made her cry. Here's some medication for the pain. You've already made her cry. Here's some medication for the pain. My darling. You're making me cry, Megan. Take home Cody and try to make the rest of his life as comfortable as possible.

Yeah. It will happen. So Cody's favourite treat was a cheeseburger. Oh, shit. So the family made a deal that for the remaining months of their life, for the remaining time in Cody's life, they would try to make the dog as comfortable and happy as possible. So they would make it plain cheeseburgers at home.

Yep. Because the condiments aren't good for the dog. So they were making it to the dog's specifications. They make them even more sick. One day they didn't have time to make one at home, so they said, I'm just going to making it to the dog's specifications. They make them even more sick. One day, they didn't have time to make one at home, so they said, I'm just going to go down

to BK and ask them for a plain cheeseburger. So they went through plain cheeseburger. They're like, that's actually a cheaper way of doing it.

And they put the pain medication inside the cheeseburger and Cody, I'm so happy. Still loved a cheeseburger. So one day when they went down to get a cheeseburger, a plain cheeseburger and Cody, I'm so happy. Still loved a cheeseburger. So one day when they went down to get a cheeseburger, a plain cheeseburger,

someone working at BK said, I've got to ask, you're the only person, why are you still ordering plain cheeseburgers? And Alec told them the story. And the person serving at BK said, I'm going to be back in a minute. Wait here. Went out the back, came back out

and said, I've just talked to the manager and for the rest of your dog's life you can have free cheeseburgers from us here at BK. We've lost Caitlin. She's on the floor. And because Megan's crying is making Nick cry. They're so cute.

So they said, you know, I think that the person on the counter as well as the manager of both. Sorry. Obviously, we've all lost pets, if you've ever had a pet. Yeah. My mum actually told us once, oh, no, that'll take away from it. I'll carry on the emotional rollercoaster we're on. Okay.

Sorry. So they said, yeah, for the rest of the dog's life, you come in here every single day and Cody can have as many cheeseburgers as they want. Can the story end there? Is that the end? So then Alec came home and messaged on Twitter saying, tagged in Burger King, I don't know if you know what happened at this local Burger King,

but these people have chosen, and I just want to say thank you. It's an amazing thing. No one had to do that. It shows that, you know, big corporations can have a heart as well. And they replied back saying, the world needs more kindness and empathy. Thanks for giving us a chance to do this for Cody. Wow. What?

What? The family was having a new driveway late. And although it does have a very loud beep, a reversing concrete truck appeared out of nowhere seemingly. No, no, there's no concrete truck today. It didn't get run over by a concrete truck. That's the end as yet. Cody's still living out his final days at home

with cheeseburgers, as many cheeseburgers as he could eat. That's so sweet. Leo's would be little seaweed treat. Little seaweed. Honestly, you say, come get a seaweed, and he's like... Oh, my God. That was too easy. I'm going to need, like, a month off if anything ever happens to him. You are allowed.

I'll take it off, too. No, you don't get it off. Yeah, I do. No, you don't. I do, and all the dogs I look after. What if we all... Oh, well, I want a month off then too. If Lulu dies, I'm taking two months off.

I'll come back to work if Karen dies. No, you won't. Don't say that. You'll be one of those people that people are like, are you okay? You'll be like, I'm fine, what's wrong? They'll be like, Karen died. And you'll be like, no, no, no, no, no.

He's just at home sleeping. He's just sleeping. No, Karen. Nothing's wrong with Karen. No, nothing's wrong with Karen. Nothing's wrong. He's just sleeping. Having a good sleep, aren't you?

Anyway, work to do. Must keep busy. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. For more, check out ZDM online. ZDM.