ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - July 22 2019

Episode Date: July 22, 2019

Katrina Rore from the Silver Ferns joins us after winning the World Cup, the most irritating things co-workers hate about each other, and do you know what Fletch, Vaughan and Megan actually look like?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Hit music. Lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Live and direct. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. And what, a week later after that Cricket World Cup fiasco? Oh, go the netty. And go the silver ferns. Yes. Go the bloody netty. Nobody says that, Vaughan. Yeah, Bill, it's still saying go the netty. Go the netty. There's no one calling it the netty anymore. No, I don't think anyone ever called it netty. I've never stopped calling it the netty.

Now... Do you remember we had that little character called netty? Oh, the netball. Yeah. You see the netball. Netty the netball, wasn't that? So I'd be like, hey, kids, play this game. Producer Caitlin, who are you friends with in the netball team?

Katrina Oran. She was Katrina Grant, but she got married, which was really cool. I wasn't invited to the wedding, but only because... Loose acquaintance. No, we're really good friends. So I've texted her. I sent lots of love hearts and said, yeah, girls, and said, hey, if you just have five minutes, we'd love to talk to you. Do you reckon she'll even see it?

Yeah, well, she'll see that she got a text message from me. She'll probably just be like, oh, my God, that's the only text message I want to read from everyone that's texted me. Yeah. Yeah, I'd imagine she'd have a flurry of text messages. Were you left on scene, though, or did she have read receipts? No, she doesn't have. It's been delivered, and it's blue, so she's got it,

even though she's in England. Right, so she's on a message. This is when she became Katrina Rore, when she married Mr. Fu Rore. You said that joke earlier this week. I should have said Fa, Mr. Fa Rore. It's a right for Rore. What a lovely looking wedding.

Caitlin's just got it. What did you think of Ferrari I have no idea What you're talking about Ferrari Wait so you're meaning Like the car eh Explain that

No that's a Ferrari Oh A right Ferrari Caitlin's cracking herself up I still don't get it then Yeah like a Ferrari It's a little bit of Ferrari Like an outbreak of Like excitement and then. Yeah, like a Ferrari. It's weird, a for-or-ay.

Like an outbreak of excitement and wrangler. For-or. Ferrari. It was a bloody for-or. No one ever uses that word in a sentence. Yeah, that would have been better if it was the Ferrari. Yeah, but you didn't say their last name was Rare. Well, hopefully, seeing as she's great friends with our very own producer Caitlin, we'll have her on the phone.

My acquaintances. We'll get her on the phone. Should we ask her about the wedding invite? Why you didn't get invited? No, that would be really awkward. She has lots of people that need to go to those things. Like friends? Was Irene Van Dyke at her wedding?

I don't know, probably. She doesn't know. She wasn't there. Guys, come on. We are friends. We are. Okay. We'll see.

We'll see about that. Right. Bonus Banger continues this week and next week. We've extended it for another couple of weeks. Already given away $25,000. We'll tell you the song you've got to be listening out for today soon from Nine. That song will play sometime. Chance you to win that $1,000. We'll tell you the song you've got to be listening out for today soon from Nine. That song will play sometime a chance for you to win that $1,000. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan

the podcast. Alright you lot listen up, it's story time. Alright I've found three news headlines. Vaughan and Megan deliberate, discuss, pick one headline only. That's how story time works. Headline one, ice cream war heats up. Headline

two, woman slices after being denied a slice. And headline three, man's pet roams the neighbourhood. I like ice cream. But I'm very interested to know what kind of pets roam in the neighbourhood. Well, you've got to come to it.

There would have been some sort of turf battle for a popular corner for an ice cream truck. No. Oh. Two was she's cut somebody because she didn't get a slice. Yeah. Okay. She desperately wanted a slice. Three.

What was three? Man's pet wanders the neighbourhood. Yes. It's just going to be like a tiger or something. Oh, yes. Stink story. A guy's tiger's wandering around the neighbourhood. What sort of hijinks could happen?

What about ice cream? Is it a cool pet? Oh, I wouldn't have one. Three. Fine. Three. Fine. Three. Rolled. We go now to America, Milford in Michigan,

and something you don't see every day, wandering the streets. A tiger. An alligator. Oh, close. It's got a harness on it. Oh, does it? If you see closely, it's got a harness on it. Oh, my God.

Do you just go to a pet store and buy a... Yeah, it looks like a harness on it. Oh, does it? If you see closely, it's got a harness on it. Oh, my God. Do you just go to a pet store and buy a... Yeah, it looks like a big dog harness. Yeah, like a Labrador-sized harness? Or maybe that would be too loose. Maybe slightly smaller. Maybe a sort of a schnauzer? Yeah, it doesn't have the girth of it. It looks like a dog.

Yeah, like a dog harness. What kind of size dog? Low dog? So like a bulldog? I reckon like a bulldog. Yeah, a bulldog. A bulldog would probably be the right height, right girth. So apparently one man said he knew his neighbour had a pet alligator

and then joked that the man, his neighbour, was at the water park and maybe the alligator wanted to join him at the water park. But yeah, neighbours notice the alligator roaming around. What, the backyard or the neighbourhood? The neighbourhood. It's just on the streets, in the driveway, roaming around. What? The backyard or the neighbourhood? The neighbourhood. It's just on the streets, in the driveway, wandering around. But so the harness isn't connected to anything. Well, it's just dragging.

So he must have, I don't know, he must have got a... Or it's like sometimes you let your dog go and it's on the lead and then if it gets a bit crazy, you just stand on the lead. And it goes... Yeah, but you're not doing that to an alligator, are you? Even though this is like a baby one by the looks of it. It's like a meat along. Baby gator-do-do-do-do-do.

Baby gator-do-do-do-do-do. See, we're so lucky in New Zealand, eh? We don't have any of these bad things. Was Megan here for raining tacos? Raining tacos? You were away getting your carpool tunnel syndrome. What's raining tacos? Oh, my God.

Shall we? Yeah, we shall. So we had a story. Was it in story time, eh? Yes. It was about the songs that they're using to flush homeless people out of parks. And they said they were going to have

Baby Shark on repeat. And also, hold on, mate, five-second ad for Cup and a Soup. Soup and a Cup? No, it's a 15-second non-skippable. Is it Cup and a Soup or Soup and a cup? No, it's a 15 second non-skippable. Is it cup and a soup or soup and a cup? Cup and soup. Oh, okay, right.

Well, don't give them a free ad. He's hugging a bear for some reason. Very nonsensical. Here we go. It's raining tacos from out of the sky. Tacos. No need to ask why.

Just open your mouth and close your eyes It's raining tacos Is this real life? Yeah It's real life, yeah So is this the song they're using to flush people out? Yeah, I would stay

Lettuce and shells I'd be disappointed if it didn't start raining tacos It's raining tacos I had to have tacos on Friday Like that's how much it got into my brain. Soft shell or hard shell? Oh, soft. What am I, not a monster?

You're a hard shell. I argue that there's no need for hard shell in 2019. What are you, like, living in the 90s? I'm chippies with my taco. And mum's got those, what are those, the hard shell tacos from the supermarket? Alpasa. Yeah.

And she's loading them up with months. Like, what are you? Mums wouldn't put anything other than months in their tacos. No. Cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese. It's raining tacos. That's the Taco Bot 3000 they built. Oh, it's breaking.

It's raining tacos. Oh my God, this is so great. I told you. We listen to this song a lot in the weekend. Do the girls love it? Not as much as me. Really? They will though. Oh, great. I told you. We listen to this song a lot in the weekend. Do the girls love it? Is it excellent? Not as much as me. Really?

They will, though. They will. It's our theme song of when we have Show Mexican. Yes. Yeah. And someone just from the kitchen of the taco place just lobs tacos so it can be raining tacos. Sure. It's raining tacos.

All right, 12 past six. There's bad news for Kiwis who like reality TV. One of our favourite shows is not happening anymore. All right. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Well, Love Island New Zealand was being tipped to happen. MediaWorks were going to produce it. We were going to get our very own Love Island.

It's been scrapped. So an email that got sent around MediaWorks, they said that... Syphilis. There's been an outbreak. Herpes. No, they hadn't even got to filming, right? Do they run everyone through a test before they film that show? Or any reality show?

Yes. Because you wouldn't want that... Or like an STI test. Yeah, you wouldn't want that ruining your season, would you? I don't know. Like in all seriousness. I don't know. Like in all seriousness. I don't know. Is that like human rights that you're allowed to do that?

Surely. Surely in this situation. Like a medical test? You'd do a physical. Yeah, you'd do a physical. Yeah, right. Is there any sign? Serious question.

Is there any sign of, shut up, Siri. God, I'm not asking you. Is there any sign, because I don't know a bunch about herpes, but I know that there's like the flare-ups, whereas there's the physical signs of having it. Does it show up in a blood test or anything? If you're not having a flare-up and if you just get a test, would there be any way of knowing other than experiencing?

Because I know there are people that carry it that don't ever get that. Right. No symptoms. Well, yeah, well, you certainly hope you wouldn't find that out on the show. Yeah. Magic that.

Mate, for great TV. Well, for people that enjoyed watching other people. To be patient zero, whatever. Yeah, sure. Yeah.

There's an outbreak. Isolate the island. So, Love Island New Zealand is going to be taken out of production for 2019. They are going to look into it in 2020

but at the moment not happening. Right. Because they're cutting costs and obviously that is quite expensive to make if you're going to do it well. Right.

Well, don't do it well like the rest of New Zealand reality TV. That is your answer. Do it for about a third of the budget. So the UK one, you and producer Caitlin have decided before it came out that you're going to not boycott it, but just not watch it

because you want your life back. It's like 30 hours a week or something. It's insane. And do you regret it? Have you kind of gone in for a nibble at all? So I've seen little tidbits of it, like on TV and online. And I'm not invested, so I'm not bothered. Producer Caitlin?

So my flatmate watches it. Yeah. And at night I'll be in bed and all I hear is, I got a text. I got a text. And then so sometimes I'm like, so once, I will admit, once I sat down on the couch and I was like, who's that? What are they doing?

Oh, who are they with? Did you? That's how I watch Love Island. Who's that? What are they doing? Who's that? Only for like 10 minutes and then I remembered that I'm not watching it. Yeah.

So. But a few people that I know that are watching it said it's legit not as good as last year. Oh, okay. I think there's still definitely like like, the drama's still there. Yeah. Of course. And there's, like, major hotties and stuff. It's probably safe to say embarrassment of a New Zealand one, too.

Yeah, yeah. Because it probably wouldn't be that good, would it? Like, we're a bit too, we're Kiwis, aren't we? Well, we don't, I don't like hearing our accent, yeah. Gotta text. Gotta text. Gotta text. Yeah.

Wouldn't be as good, would it? No. Fleshforn and Megan, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Sephora, their brick and mortar store, like the physical actual store, has opened in New Zealand.

Brick and mortar store? Is it made of brick and mortars? No, that's what they say when it's like actual physical, right? Yeah. Yeah. It probably is made of brick and mortar too because it's an old part of Queen Street.

Yeah, it is. It's an old building. Yeah, so it has officially opened and there was around 800 people lined up outside Sephora. Didn't it go for like a K, the line? I saw the news story said a kilometre long. Lined. Like all the way up Queen Street.

That's nuts, eh? Yuck. Yuck, yuck. Why yuck? Well, that's a lot of people. It's very exciting. And this time of year it's cold and flu season. It's like if a new Bunnings opened, Vaughan,

and it was like a Bunnings mega, mega store. You'd be like, what? See, that would be exciting, but... Were they giving away stuff? Like, what? I don't understand why everyone was lining up. Because you want to be the first. Maybe there were specials.

Oh, okay. It's pretty exciting. Okay, yeah. So they had a big event and stuff, and apparently some people were quite angry because there was ticker tape and rubbish left on the ground. Right. You may have seen a video go on round

where there is someone very angry about all the ticker tape being washed down the drains. Now, a complaint has been made, and Sephora themselves had said that it was biodegradable, the ticket tape. They worked closely with the Auckland Council for the past few months to ensure everything from traffic management to waste management followed the right protocols. The confetti was biodegradable, water-soluble, and plant-based,

and was cleaned up and disposed of appropriately. So the only confetti that was being washed down the drains was apparently the stuff that had already started to dissolve and biodegrade due to the rainfall. Right. That's what they're saying. But as soon as I saw that video, I thought, no one's getting away with, in this day and age,

throwing confetti that's not that biodegradable stuff. I would never even think about that when I bought confetti. Like, is this biodegradable? But how often do you buy confetti? Never. Then you're innocent. Don't guilt yourself about that. We have confetti cannons in here,

but they don't go down the drain. They get vacuum dumped and put in a landfill. So that's okay, isn't it? Or set on fire, depending on what your stance on that is. Yeah. No, because when we got married, we were like looking into stuff to throw.

Yeah. Or not rice. Yeah, no, not rice. Because the birds eat it and then it swells in their stomach and then they're like. You've got to be careful. Not glitter because that doesn't break down. Not bricks because they hurt. So we threw petals because then they'd like break down.

But yeah, you have to make sure you get something that's like right for the environment. So there was no way Sephora was like chucking up cannons full of this confetti that was not biodegradable. But yeah, people are still upset because there was also fragrance testing. You know those little testers you spray your perfume on? Apparently those got washed down the drain too. So the council was looking into it and just checking that's forward. They don't wash down the drain. Those will block the train.

Oh, now you're upset, aren't you? I'm wild. I'm livid. That'll go straight into the hill, I'll barf. Don't tell the council I washed a centimetre of paint down the drain at the weekend. Are you allowed to do that? But that goes into the wastewater system. That doesn't drain directly into the harbour.

Oh, okay. So I'm good? You want to talk to the people at the waste management system that have now just got this like pointy, pointy glob. Or your neighbours when it globs up in the thing and causes backflow and flooding through everybody's apartments. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. From the ZM think tank, this is the top six.

Well, we've finally got one, a World Cup. Netball is the World Cup that we have. We took it off the World Cup holders and the 11-time champions, Australia. And did I read this was the fifth? Fifth time. The fifth time we'd played Australia in the final in a row? Oh, really?

It's the fifth time we've won it too. Right. So we won by one goal. Oh, what a moment. Toit, toit. So the top six things you need to know about this game if you didn't get up to watch it, but you want to bluff your way through some chat

with some co-workers or fellow students, whatever your day holds ahead of you. Maybe you just want to impress your kids when they finally get out of bed. The top six ways of bluffing that you woke up for the netball. Number six, talk about the coin toss. They tossed the coin, and when it landed, it rolled off the court. Did it actually?

Yeah, it rolled straight off the court. They had to redo the coin toss. Didn't they have a match or something? I thought they would have caught it and then slammed it on there. No, but cricket always goes on the pitch. They have to let it go on the ground. Yeah, but then I've never thought about that. It's a hard netball court.

It would skedaddle straight off. You'd be ding and denting the wood. Oh, only if it was bad wood. Yeah, but you do that a hundred times, you get a hole in your court. Soft, only if it's a soft wood. You'd do it in different spots, maybe. Yeah. Toggle around it.

But I, yeah. Buffer it out. Mention the coin toss. Okay. Mention the coin toss. Number five on the way. The top six ways of bluffing your way that you woke up for the netball. It's been 16 years since we

held the title and the cup. So don't be afraid to throw that around. Yep. 2003. It's the fifth, as you said before, Megan. Now, if you can remember dates, that has always really impressed people. Yeah. 1967. Yeah. 1979. 1987

and 2003. And now in 2019. Those are the times that we've won it. Those are the five times. I can't believe it's been that long. Yeah. Yeah. It has been.

Number four on the list of the top six ways of bluffing that you actually work up for the netball. Say something like, it's champagne netball with Noleen Taurua at the bloody helm of the ship it's been 12 months transformation

for a team that hit rock bottom at the Commonwealth Games yeah that does sound like yeah yeah yeah it does it sounds like

you've been following it for at least 12 months and you're aware of the Commonwealth Games defeat so you could just crank that out

yeah just mention Noleen she's back as coach everybody's got great things to say about Noleen number three on the list of the top six ways of bluffing that you work up for the netball Yeah. Yeah, just mention Noelene. She's back as coach. Oh, Noelene. And everybody's got great things to say about Noelene. Number three on the list of the top six ways of bluffing that you work up for the netball,

you could say something like, that seven-point lead was a beautiful barrier to put between us and them. I'll tell you what, though, we did it later in the game when they really pushed back. Really pushed back. God, that was close because we won by one. Won by one.

And had a seven-point advantage at one stage there. Yeah. So don't be afraid to throw that around. Yep. That we were up by seven points at one stage. Yeah. Number two on the list of the top six ways of bluffing that you work up for the netball. God, didn't Laura Langman grin like the cat that got all the cream?

After three successive World Cup defeats to Australia. Yeah. Oh, it's great to have the Waikato girl out there leading the charge. With fellow veterans, Casey Kopura and Maria Folau. Bridesmaids no more. Say that. Apparently that's what you say

when you've lost a whole lot and then you finally get to be like the bride. Bridesmaids no more. And Laura Langman. Chuck that in. Say she's from the Waikato. Yeah. That'll show that you've got some background knowledge.

Yeah, right. And number one on the top six ways of bluffing that you work out for netball it's a simple one and it's a saying everybody's saying go the netty. That's what they're

all saying. That's what they're all saying. They're saying go the netty. No one says netty. Go the netty. Go the netty.

No one says that. Go the netty. Have you played netball since you did your leg? Nah. You've retired. Ever since I broke my your leg? Nah. You've retired. Ever since I broke my knee, I was out. You've retired.

Nah. Well, since the knee, she's had a hip and a wrist and a bit. She's literally fallen to bits. We can't afford to have her anywhere near any sports. That is today's top six. Flesh, fawn and Megan. The podcast. ZM.

I may have mentioned before that I take my wedding ring off at the end of every day. Right. And I put it beside the bed. And then when I get up in the morning, I try to put it on and often I can't. So I just put it in my pocket. And then later in the day when I'm by a sink, I put a little bit of dishwashing liquid on my finger and squeeze it back on. This doesn't sound like it's going great. And it's how I get it on and off is I always have to use some form of lubricant.

Right. So last week, I thought, I'm just going to leave it on. Because that's what I told you to do. Yeah, yeah, you said it. Because I leave mine on. And a couple of other people were like, well, just leave it on.

What's the danger of leaving it on all the time? And I said, well, I thought it would be weird to sleep with, but I've actually adapted. That's fine.

But have you ever seen like a rope that's been on a tree too long and it's just been engulfed by the tree? Yeah. That would be my danger. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You just, your finger grows around the ring and then one day they've just got to cut it off. Exactly. Yeah, that sort of situation. And then the tree's got the rope forever. Yeah. That's just the tree's life now.

Yeah. So I left it on for a week and then yesterday I was like, I'm going to take it off after this week and see what's happened. And I took it off and under the ring looks like it's been in a spa pool for eight hours. Like the ring is so tight that I'm imagining when you wash your hands and stuff, moisture gets under there, but then it never really dries properly. And the skin was really, really white and like your toes look. Like when you're in the bath for too long.

Yeah. I took a photo of it. Oh, yuck. That's like a white ring. It looks like're in the bath for too long. Yeah. I took a photo of it. Oh, yuck. That's like a white ring. It looks like your skin's going to peel off. Well, it may have if I'd left it on for even longer. Oh, that makes me sick looking at that. Yuck.

All right, that's... I don't know why, but... Had you just had your hand wet not long before that? No. Like, no more than just, like, washing my... I think you've got it. Can you enlarge rings? Some of them you can

some of them you can't. But you've got like a groove in yours. So I wouldn't be surprised if yours can't be made bigger. Right, because of the back because of the groove on the outside. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know the deal with stretching it. And then some metals can't be enlarged. Yeah, because

I didn't go for the expensive metal. You'll be surprised tonight. So maybe it can't be enlarged. Yeah, because I didn't go for the expensive metal. You'll be surprised tonight. So maybe it can't be. Yeah. So that just means you need to get a new, you get a flash new one. I need to put like this one, which I can't take it off to show you.

That gives me so much anxiety that you can't get it off. I don't know why that's really grossing me out. Because my dad never wore a wedding ring growing up. Because he worked with a guy, I don't know why That's really grossing me out So my dad never wore A wedding ring growing up Because Right He He worked with a guy He told me this story

When he left school And he became like a A joiner He worked with a guy In a factory And a bit of machinery Got caught in the ring And it just ripped

His finger right off Oh my god Like just skin and everything Just cracked it Ripped it right off And so he never wore one Right on the farm Because yeah yeah yeah, yeah.

So, I mean, I'm like, can't you take it off and put it on a cool necklace, dude? Put a Frodo Baggins. Yeah. Get a Frodo Baggins

on my ring. Put it on like a black chain. And then one day toss it into a volcano. Yeah. And be like, well, could you melt it down

and make it bigger or get a new one? I don't know. Or it's not the same, is it? No, remember when he said he got the cheap metal?

Oh yeah, that's right. And the funny thing is, it's got my wedding date on the inside, but it's the wrong date. Yeah, I know. So you definitely need a... When I got it made, I wrote it down. I definitely wrote it down right because I found the email when I emailed it to the guy making it. He messed it up.

He just didn't do Roman numerals. Because it's the Roman numerals date. But it's actually quite cool because it. But it's actually like quite cool because it was my grandma's birthday. So I'm in the 13th of November. It says the 13th of October, which is my nana's birthday. Right.

So you've got your nana's birthday on your wedding ring. I've got my nana's birthday on my wedding ring. She quite liked that. Maybe you do need a new one. But is this what happens when you get old?

Do you just start swelling up? My old man reckons famously Smiths get a bit arthritic in the joints. And of course that leads to swelling of the joints. So he said it might just be that your joints are swollen. Because people are like, oh, have you put on weight? But after I got married, I let myself go to like 105 kgs, which is significantly more than I am at the moment. And the ring went on and off easy peasy.

So I think it might be ringing true more of this... Swelly joints. Joint situation. Just a little bit on the nose too. You're going to rip your finger off in a minute if you keep doing that. Yeah, it's really... No, I'm just kind of like pulling it up the finger to give it some breathing space. Maybe when you get a new one, you could get like coloured diamonds in it.

No. I think if he does get a new one, it will be as cheap as in it. No. I think if he does get a new one, it will be as cheap as that one. I'd get pretty even cheaper. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Well, the hunt is underway for thieves who, during daylight hours, were seen towing away a pontoon from Waiheke Island. That's like a little raft that you swim up to, right? Yeah, they've got them all around.

Sometimes they're anchored down. Was this a non-consented raft? Was this an act of vengeance if they just set it afloat in the hooraki gulf? Oh, no, they're towing it away in their small watercraft. Oh, they want that. Why? They want that for outside their beach. So they're towing it away in their small watercraft. Oh, they want that. Why? They want that for outside their beach. So they're literally being snapped doing it.

Yeah, well, so police have released the footage because obviously somebody saw them doing this and they were like, are they stealing a pontoon? Yes. Are they stealing a pontoon? Yeah. So police are now asking for information. Now, this was stolen June 10 from Waiheke Island

and it was towed over to Kawakawa Bay, which is in South Auckland, which is a short, it's short, but it still would have taken them, I'm guessing. That's a long way to tow something. Yeah, it was stolen from Waiheke Island's Otakawhi Bay, where it was moored. Yeah.

And then taken over, and it was moored and then taken over. And it was last seen being loaded onto a trailer at a boat ramp. So I don't know who's decided they needed a pontoon and in broad daylight has literally cut it free from its mooring and towed it behind a boat. And there's two guys wearing life jackets, I'll give them that, in their boat and they can be seen, not clearly, but they can be seen towing

it away. It's not huge though. They could have made their own, right? From your photo, what does it look like? Is it just drums with a platform on the top? It's like three, maybe six drums with a wooden platform on the top and a ladder. I suppose where are you getting drums from?

Drums are easy peasy. Yeah. Those dudes, are they just 200 litre plastic drums? They look like tin. They look like tin. Oh, tin easy. You can get those as well. Piece of cake.

Those are food grade ones. You can get them online. Piece of cake. And then just build a platform. But then that costs money and time. But then that wouldn't have been cheap. You've got to pay for that caper. Pay for the petrol. Yeah.

And the running from the law. It's pretty funny. Famously doesn't come cheap. They've got a video of them doing it, but like boats don't have number plates, eh? So like you can't identify. No. Well like bagger boats might have a name. Or identifying features. Do you have to register a boat?

Caitlin? Caitlin? Caitlin famously. You've done your research now on sea vessels. Are you have to register a boat? Caitlin? Caitlin? Caitlin famously. You've done your research now on sea vessels. Are you allowed to register a boat? Apparently no. In the sea you can just put a boat anywhere you want. You can even go to Waiheke if you want to.

You can just tow it down to Kawakawa Bay. Like this would have blown your mind two months ago when you found out that you can just put a boat in the water. Yeah. I still don't believe it. It's a hard one to grasp. It's a hard one to grasp. It's a hard pill to swallow. I'm just looking at the map here. It's just madness. They tow it all that

way. It's a huge effort and in broad daylight. It's up there with that time that that giant sculpture gnome was stolen outside the Auckland Art Gallery. Do you remember that? They ended up finding that but still they had to get people in to detach the gnome and put it on a trailer and get it away. Was this a crime of passion?

This has got crime of passion written all over it. What do you mean? Children's ex-lover wants his pontoon back. I'm pretty sure it was a... Like a public pontoon. It was a public pontoon. Somebody had to have put it there. Do you reckon?

That's why I was wondering if somebody put a pontoon there without everybody's permission so the neighbours were like, hey, would you be able to come and steal this one weekend? But then it's taken out of the water, so then where are they putting it? Does someone have a giant lake? Well, no, they're taking it there, Kauakaua Bay. You can sneak down there.

No, it was seen being taken out of the water. No, no, that's what I'm saying is you can take the inside of the Firth of Thames, you'll be over to the Coromandel Peninsula in no time. Right, okay. Of course, everybody, you know, lots of seaside properties there

probably want a pontoon and once, you know, you could say, I've had that forever or it's a year, wouldn't be able to... Was there any identifying features on the pontoon?

No, can you be charged for using a hot pontoon? A hot pontoon. Well, you know, like a hot property. I've been told charged for using a hot pontoon? A hot pontoon. Well, you know, like a hot property. I've been told I've got a hot pontoon. It's been a few years. That's a compliment, though. It's been a few years, but Smithy used to be known for his hot pontoon.

Well, I was wondering this morning, could we take some calls on those things that were so big you just can't believe they were stolen? Yeah. Like, you know when someone steals a trampoline from someone's house? It's like, what, like a slide set? Like, how do you do that? You can have from someone's house? So much evidence. Or like a slide set. How do you do that? You can have it because that was so much effort.

I know. If someone's going to go, that's what I'm always with the pontoon. I'm almost like, you can kind of have that. I'm impressed with the effort you've gone to to steal that. Rustling stock always blows my mind. When people steal a truckload of stock, that's mind blowing. Because you've got to get the truck. And they've got a mind of their own.

You've got to be like, oi, cows. Get on there. Go in that truck. And be quiet while you're at it. Shh. No. I said, shut up. I'm trying to steal you.

Would you shut your mouth? All right. So 0800 DALES at M. You can text as well, 9696. What was so huge that you can't believe it was stolen? Maybe you've been the victim of a huge theft and a little bit of you was almost in awe that someone could pull this off.

That's the thing when you're like, wow. How'd you do that? Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Police are on the hunt for... You know, this is a job for the water rats. It actually is. From that Australian triam series that ran for many years there,

set on the Sydney harbor. No, the police have obviously seen, when I've been on the ferry to Waiheke, the police have got a boat. It looks real, like, old and dungy. Oh, I don't know any police boat. I don't know. It's just, like, it's got the police on the side of it.

I don't know. Don't they have a jet ski as well? Do they have a life? I think they do. What do they need to play spot? I don't know. It's just like, it's got the place on the side of it. I don't know. Don't they have a jet ski as well? Do they have a life? I think they do. What do they do? I think they've got a jet ski for summer to rein in all the revelers. What do you have to do to be the cop on the jet ski? That is so bad.

You want to be a hot cop on the jet ski, though. Some of the shorty shorts. Well, you wouldn't want to be in your budgie smugglers and you kind of, not really. I'm just looking at the maritime, the maritime unit. Because do they do breath testing? They can, I believe. They can, right. Yeah, yeah, you're not supposed... Not really. I'm just looking up the maritime unit. Because do they do breath testing? They can, I believe. They can, right. Yeah, yeah, you're not supposed to, are you?

I think they can. Because, you know, they always have the checkpoints and, like, you know, you come over a hill and you're like, oh. And it's for good reason. So you can't get out of it. Yeah. But on the ocean, you'd just be like,

oh, there's a checkpoint, I'll just turn left. What are they going to do? Well, you'd you straight into the wave of an upcoming ferry and you're just torn in half well anyway a couple of guys

have been seen pulling a pontoon away to South Auckland and taking it from Waiheke Island no less and it hasn't been seen since June 10

there's footage of this happening you can't see their faces so what was so massive that you can't believe it was stolen are some text messages.

Somebody said, I work in film and television and we were working in Piha during the winter. Yeah. They, we used truck mats, this is what they're called,

to protect the ground while we were there. They are basically two metres by 1.2 metres, so big. Yep. And 30 kgs each. Wow. We came back one morning, 30 of. Yep. And 30 kgs each. Wow.

We came back one morning, 30 of them gone. 30 of them. See, they put them down on the grass so that they don't make like... Right. Make a hell of a mess. Or maybe in parts of the dunes if they need to set up there. Obviously, you don't want to disturb the dunes. This is someone having a wedding in their backyard and wanting some...

Oh, right. Even then, that's like some huge square metreage. Yeah. You need a truck to take the truck bats out. Amy, what can't you believe was stolen because it was so big? I got broken into eight times and on like the sixth time, I thought they

cleared out everything they could, but on about the sixth time, they stole my massive glass outdoor table and chair set that seats like eight people. Amy, what? Eight times? Are you kidding me? No. I've lost faith in humans. All in like eight people. Amy, what? Eight times? Are you kidding me? No. Eight times. Eight times in humans?

All in like three months. Where did you live? Oh, whakatane. Did you think about getting some of those outdoor like wireless cameras or they're pretty still those too? Well, I had everything from inside stolen so I put an alarm system inside

and that's when they started working on outside. Clever. Right. Yeah. Okay. To be honest though, that glass table would have met its end in the next tropical cyclone that came through anyway. They loved flipping those things over. You're not wrong.

Smashing the whole top. You're like, why don't I get glass? Like a table that needs a trailer. And like, surely people are watching or seeing that. Or a person on each corner with two of those. I know. You get crappy neighbours. It's crazy.

Thanks, you call Amy. Shona, what was so big you can't believe was stolen? Well, we actually, I was part of this, but I didn't mean to be. We stole, I think it was probably like a 10-meter by four clown, like a circus clown that you blow up. And it was at the Kauai Festival up in Watquist. This was about 10 years ago. Right.

And we undeflated it, and we took it as a joke and put it in one of our mates' driveway, and we blew it up. So in the morning, it was just a huge-ass clown just staring at them. And then, obviously, it got reported as stolen. So we were like, crap, we need to get it back to the showgrounds before anyone sees us. And yeah, and that's what happened. And this was so long ago, but it was huge, like massive.

Right. Did you get it back to the showgrounds? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Right, okay. All without being caught. Yeah. Well played.

Well played. It's kind of like the perfect crime, isn't it? It's not really a crime anymore, is it? Freak your mate out with a giant clown and then take the clown back without getting in trouble. It's just borrowing. Really, isn't it? Yeah, borrowing, yeah.

Borrowing without permission. We're just borrowing it, pretty much. Thanks, Eagle Shota. Some text messages. We were going to install a Burger King playground. It was a new Burger King playground. It was all there where it would have been set up, but it was not yet set up.

Came back the next day, someone had stolen the entire thing. No. Someone's got a BK playground in their backyard. That's nuts. You can't put that on the ground, though. Not really. No, and then you can't really sell it either,

can you? My husband worked for a building company and one of the franchisees had not paid their bill. So this was a two night operation. The first night, the company went and cut all the pilings underneath the show home. So that's all the wooden foundations that the show home sits on. This is the house that you

walk around and you're like, oh, I love this, but I changed that, but I changed that. And then they can build it to your specifications. So the first night they cut the pilings, next night they went back on the house removal company and stole the whole house. They took a whole house to recoup their losses on the debt that was owed to them by this person.

Oh my god. I'm a road worker and the most we've had of road cones stolen in one sitting. How much do you think road cones in one sitting? Well, they're really heavy, even just one. And they're quite cumbersome. They take up a lot of room. They can only fit like half a dozen in the car.

I don't know, like five or ten? Ten. Fifteen hundred. What? I thought you were going to say... Went along a whole stretch of highway and just took every single cone on the entire stretch of roadworks. But then what did they put them in? Was it another roadworking company?

Don't they stamp them? Don't they stamp them with their brand? What, did they burn the marker into them? Yeah. I don't know. That's cheeky. Yeah, another company is like, we need more cones. Yeah, you kind of got to admire the audacity of that, don't you?

At Palmer's Garden World in Tauranga, there was a stone gorilla. It was one and a half metres tall and it was estimated to weigh over 300 kgs. Yeah. It got stolen. Here's the kicker. It was on top of a 40-foot high shipping container and it had no vehicle access to it. They found it later.

No one to this day absolutely has any idea how it got off the top of that shipping container. Must have been a crane. Someone must have had a crane in. But then who sees a crane for a concrete gorilla? I'm imagining it was only up there because they couldn't sell it. So it became like a landmark feature. Oh, there's some amazing stories of theft. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

Wellington, apparently one driver every three minutes was caught using their cellular telephone, which is weird to see written down, coming through the Mount Vic Tunnel. Right. Yeah. The police and a journo sat at the end of the tunnel and just watched. And once every three minutes,

somebody went past and they were on their phone, which I think's low low very low end of things you think that's low I take the North Western Motorway in Auckland every day to get to and from work

and on the way home you just need to look around everyone's on their phone everybody's having a peak and that's not even in rush hour traffic I'd imagine in rush hour traffic it'd be so much more tempting

crawling going slow constantly stopping you'd be like what's that see if I'm at the lights, I'll have a look. That's no good, though, right? You're not allowed to do that either.

You're not even allowed to do that, nah. But you stopped. You're not even going to do that. Yeah, see, that's what I reckon. You stopped. It should be a loophole. You should be allowed to. Yeah, I always get a friendly wee toot when it's time to go.

No, see, you've got to be glancing up constantly for the green light, especially if you're at the front. I get engrossed in what I'm doing and I forget that I'm at a traffic light and then they're like, beep, beep. And you're like, oh, sweet as, thank you. Off we go. I saw a van last week that had one of those holders on the dashboard. Yeah.

But it had an iPad in it and they were watching telly. They were watching like Netflix or something. I was like, that's not okay. That's illegal, right? You can't have it. You can't have a screen where you can reach it. I think that was the old rule with the old TVs and cars. Right.

Back in the day when people had like DVD players and cars and that. Yeah. It was you as the driver, you could see it, but you weren't allowed to be able to reach and touch it. What darkness does that make? I don't know. Surely it'd be better to be better to have it in front of you so you can still see the traffic above it.

Yeah. What was that other story in the news just this morning that Aucklanders are spending, they worked out how long they're spending in traffic. Too long. And it's way too long. And it's only going to get worse. I remember hearing a quarter of a million more cars

are going to be added to the road. And to Narnia, what was the story in your news bulletin earlier? 85 hours a year. 85 hours a year. That doesn't say much. 85 hours a year. How many Netflix shows could you watch in that time? 85.

That's not that many. That's not that many hours stuck in their car. Are you talking At a standstill? Yeah Oh right Absolutely stopped Just straight sitting

Oh right You just meant in the car In traffic full stop But absolutely sitting still Okay it's a long time To be sat still Yeah I mean some people

Go an hour to and from work Yeah But they might be still for I don't know 10 or 5 of those Yeah right That would add up. Time to get an e-bike.

Is it? Time to get an e-bike. Or take the bus. Take the train. Well, at least in the bus or the train, if you can, you can watch TV shows. This is a silly question. I understand that.

Do Auckland Rail Trains Wellington, this is a question For you as well Do they have Toilets on them Nah they don't Well not the Auckland Nah Because I know

There's toilets At the stations Yeah no I think you've Got to hold on Is there toilets At the trains Ah okay

Is that They really don't No I'm pretty sure Because I was just Thinking how effective You could use your time On the train in the morning No because I remember

What coming back Eat your breakfast Take a poo, drink a coffee in the thermos. Oh, you don't want to be doing that on any kind of public... No, but I was just thinking how much you could squeeze

into that train ride. Right. And you could probably still get some work done and watch something. Yeah. I know buses, city buses don't have toilets.

No. And it's probably a good thing. Very good thing. Confined space and all. Yeah, they are. They're called tiki buses. And it's probably a good thing Very good thing Confined space and all Yeah Yeah Um Tiki buses Fletch, Vaughan and Megan

The podcast ZM Sitting on a big secret And I can't tell you what it is Which I know Saying that I've got a secret is Oh it's the worst It's like

Doing a Facebook update Being like Massive things Come and can't talk about it But no Oh my god I'm in hospital Dot dot dot Are you okay?

What's happened? Silence. Like, just don't post. Shut up. But something happened yesterday and I was like, and August's first reaction was, you're not allowed to talk about this on the radio. What?

She circumnavigated. She knows she's got it worked out. She's figured you out. She's figured me out. She's like, you're not allowed to tell anybody this. Promise me you won't talk about it on the radio. But is she listening right now? No, because the thing is,

bloody Anya will make a video out of it and someone will make one of those back sale things and the minute they hear their names in one of those, as it'll previously on Fletch for Amigas, it'll be like, Vaughan had something in the kids and it'll be like, August, she'll be like, turn it up. What are they saying? I told you I didn't want to talk about it. And I'm like, okay, okay.

Does she realise how this works? She's like, yeah, there's a bigger. You have to talk about things to get paid, to give them a roof over their head. Shut up. Yeah, and you just don't make one. Just tell everyone who's listening now. I can't.

I made a promise. What's it to do with? It felt really like it was a real parenting test and moment when she was like, you're not allowed to talk about this. But is she going to do this all the time now? Well, probably on the good stuff. Is there something she did that was funny and she was like, you can't talk about this?

I can't talk about it, Megan. I can't say anything more than I can't talk about it. Can you give us a general? No, I can't. All I want you all to know is that I'm a very trustworthy father and I shan't be breaking this solemn promise. Well, she can't make it. This is bad because you're setting a precedent.

She's allowed one of these a month, shall I say? A year. A year. Tell her this is your job and this is how she gets fed and gets chocolates. Right. So if she wants more. Can't you just bribe her with chocolate? By that, Fletch, am I allowed to tell the stories that you tell me,

that you say these aren't to go on here, and then you tell me? If you give me chocolate, absolutely. I was about to say, does she even know you? Because you're the last person I would tell anything good to. Because you are a gossip queen. I'm not a gossip. Yes, you are. You are the office gossip queen.

I like to be across everything. You love the tea. I like to be across everything. Wait, so you literally put this break in to tell us that you've got something that you're not going to tell us. No, I didn't want to talk about it, but Caitlin said I had to. But I'm just saying, if she is listening, they're in the car early. Yeah.

I got you. You don't worry about it. Dad's got this one. He's going to tell me August. No, I'm not. I won't tell her. I'm not going to tell her, August.'s got this one. He's going to tell me August. No, I'm not. I won't tell her. I'm not going to tell her August. Of all the people.

Are you going to tell me? No, I'm not telling you either. You're way less trustworthy than me. I'm going to wait until you need something. And then I'm going to be like, okay, only if you tell me that August is separate. And then I'll say it on air. She's not my kid. She'll stab you. Yeah, one day. She probably will. One. She'll stab you.

One day she'll stab you. All right, next on the show, we've received an email from somebody who's been a long time. Is it a podcast listener? No, radio. A radio listener. Traditional FM broadcast listener. Okay.

And we're going to read this message to you next, but they don't know what we look like. They do now. Right. But they don't know what we look like. They do now, but they wrote what they thought we looked like. I wouldn't use the word huge disappointment, but I wouldn't say too far off. Karina

messaged our Facebook page last night, and she says this is the message. So I listen to you guys every morning on my way to and from work, to work and set them on the way home from work

for years now. And I've never known what each of you look like. Oh God. Which is weird because like with modern technology, this was always a thing

back in the day with radio people. Like, what do they really look like? Yeah. But now there's so much. Not so much anymore. Like you'd literally

just pick it up and Google, what do they look like? And it would show you almost immediately what anybody looked like. Well, even when I listen to a podcast, I'm like, what are they? Yeah. Like when I was listening to Serial, I was like, what do these people look like?

Or True Crime, I'm always like Googling stuff. Frantically, right? In my mind, I'm trying to paint a picture, but I need to know. It's the same with animated shows. I watch a lot of animated shows, and I always want to know what the voice actors look like. Nah, see, I don't do that because I don't want to be, sometimes that ruins it. That ruins it.

I don't know. You don't want to know that there's a different character behind it. Yeah, I don't know. It's just weird when it's a voice actor. So she said, I'd made my own pictures of each of you in my mind. Oh God, here we go. Finally decided to look up what you look like. None of you are what I expected.

So strange. I'll never be able to listen the same, knowing your faces to your voices. Is there anybody listening now that's never, has not seen what we look like? Surely this is a very rare thing. I know, because you'd think with all the Facebook videos and, you know, marketing and stuff,

that everybody just knows, right? Yeah. But maybe they don't, because they might listen a day and they don't care. But, you know, like... They just don't have any other choice because they live in a city where their band expander doesn't go above 90,

and we're lucky enough to have a frequency below 90. If you don't know what we look like, I'll 800 dials it in, because if you're going to read out this description, I want to see what other people think as well. Yeah. I don't know if I want to know.

Because someone was like, you guys are a lot taller than what I thought. That's the main, that's... Really? Do we sound short? I'm short.

I don't know. Megan's short, but Vaughn and I, I'm six foot, you're what, six one? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe because you're real loud and scrappy sounding. We sound like little dogs. We just sound like the little dogs. Do you want to hear what Karina thought? Okay, yeah. Fletch as a bachelor type gay but not actually gay. Lol, what's the word for that?

I'm metrosexual. I'm metrosexual. Am I metrosexual? No. No. No. No. No. Okay. I'm metrosexual Am I metrosexual? No No No Approaching middle age Oh okay Very clean

Not a hands on get dirty man's man No I was expecting brown hair I do have brown hair When it's shaved off my head or falling out. I know I did manly stuff the weekend. I painted that bookcase. Yeah, but I wouldn't say that you're like a manly dude.

No, no. I go to Bunnings, so might attend. You're not afraid to pop into a giant hardware store, are you? I'm not afraid to go into a hardware store, but I do feel out of place. So then born as a middle-aged daddy-daddy type man. What's a daddy-daddy? I'm quite sure what a daddy-daddy type man is. Like a dad bod?

Is that what she means? Well, then she goes on to say a little bit tubby. Oh, no, you're not tubby. Short. Yeah. Brown hair, but not at all styled. Now, I don't know if that's a reference to the brown hair or my general demeanour. Also, it's well known you're bald because you talk about it quite a bit.

But then the beard, she's right with that. No, well, I would take it from that, then she probably would be pleasantly surprised. She also picked both of us to be clean shaven. She writes in the original footnote. Both clean shaven. Right, well, I'm clean shaven at the moment, so she's technically right here. I don't like that at all. No. I'm clean shaven. Right, well, I'm clean shaven at the moment, so she's technically right here.

I don't like that at all. No. Because it makes you look too young. I'm clean shaven, yeah. So, Megan has a hot voice. Right, this is what she says. I pictured her to be about my age. However, I think she's actually younger.

Actually, I don't know. She thinks you're old. She thinks you're old. How old are we talking, Karina? Like 80. Um, oh, no. Karina looks younger than you. Yeah, Karina might have.

So she might be just noticing. She might be miscommunicating all your regime. You do look young. You put the work in. You do a face mask a couple of times a week. Yeah, I'm deceptively old. Yeah. Blonde hair, which she has, kind of.

She's not too far off, I guess, the closest out of the three of you, but maybe pointier, sharper features. Oh, good Lord. What is pointier? Do you know, like, a pointier nose? Like, sharper features. Do I have, like, quite a pointy chin? Do you think she imagined you as sharp?

Yeah, I'm not commenting. I'm not commenting. I'm not commenting. What does that mean? We've had some listeners call up. Annabelle, good morning. Hi, good morning, guys. Good morning. You don't know what we look like.

No, and to be honest, I really don't want to know. How long have you been listening? Like, are you just new to the show? I arrived in New Zealand about 10 years years ago and from day one it's just i look for the radio you know back in the day we didn't used to have a smartphone or anything like that and yeah right i always listened to the radio and then facebook and google came out and one day we were having dinner with some friends and we were talking about radio people yeah and they said oh why don't we search you know the radio that you guys like? And I was like, no.

I have this idea in my head of how they are, especially Megan. I feel like you are absolutely stunning and amazing and skinny and everything is perfect. And you guys are like, I don't know. I just feel like

if I see their faces, everything will change. Are you worried about being disappointed by our actual appearance? Yeah, no, I mean. Do me a favour and don't ever search. Don't ever search. You've never seen a billboard or an ad pop up. It's good to know the marketing's working. Yeah.

Funny you say that. I went to, I got to Wellington a lot for work and it was one mustache, like, you know, postage or something

that says Fletcher's on a vegan. And my husband was like, oh, look, that's the guy from the radio that you guys listen to. And I was like,

no, no, no, I don't want to see that. Like, I'm really keen in not pointing out who you guys are. That's so funny. I don't want to look at him and I'm like, don't pointing out who you guys are. I think we should get you in to look it up.

No, I should be so disappointed. I want to tell you something. I work about three blocks away from where you guys are. And I always think one day I day, maybe in the same street, in the same cafe, and I will still have no clue who you guys are. You'll hear Fletcher's obnoxious laugh in a coffee

shop and you'll be like, I can't look. I've got to leave. Cancel my coffee order. I've got to go. Bye. That's it for me. Thank you, guys. She's wrapping us up. She's good. you, guys. She's wrapping us up. She's good. Oh, wow.

Save her number just for fun. Just so we have an interior. I actually want to. But, yeah, I don't know if I could see that disappointment in someone's face. I know. I don't. Did you hear how much she talked me up? I'm absolutely going to disappoint her.

Absolutely. Fletch Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. All right. Fletchvorn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Fletchvorn and Megan's 20 Questions. But tomorrow on the show, we start 20 questions. Your chance to win cash at 7 o'clock and 8 o'clock. I will be thinking of a thing tomorrow. And you get to ask, as a collective, as a country,

you get to ask 20 questions. Whoever guesses a country, you get to ask 20 questions. Whoever guesses the thing, and you've got to guess it before the 20 questions are up, will win $2,000. We take two guesses at 7 o'clock and two guesses at 8 o'clock tomorrow. So this thing could be anything. An object using the power of elimination and well-thought-out questions, which can only be answered yes, no, and then you get to take a guess. Okay.

You must whittle down the possibilities of what it could possibly be and answer before the 20th question. This got hated on our last road trip. Because do you remember I came up with that one that lasted nearly an hour. Well, that just turned into, what am I thinking? Endless questions. Yeah, it just turned into, what am I thinking?

Endless questions. Yeah, it was more than 20 questions. Yeah. But I went with carabiner. You know those things you use when you go rope climbing? But I was annoyed because you said it was a green carabiner and the green really threw me off because the green really had nothing to do with the functionality of it. And carabiners can be any colour.

No, because the question was, could it be green? And the answer was yes. And then so that became where we all got caught on green things. But the colour was non-consequential. $2,000 for you to win if you can guess and win our 20 questions. But yeah, like you say, if no one guesses it, we're just going to double it for next time. And then the next game of 20 questions that we play is worth $4,000.

All right, so your chance to play 20 questions tomorrow, seven and eight o'clock. I had surgery on my wrist on Friday. Carpool tunnel. So that's been released. And it's just like a quick surgery. It's a nerve thing, eh? Yeah, it's nerves in your wrist get compressed.

That's why you've got to use one of those keyboards with a gel pad. Yeah. Ergonomics. Ergonomical keyboards. Yeah. They asked me if I did like serious typing or anything for a job. I was like, no, I don't really do much for a job. I don't really do anything.

I just sit and talk for a job. I remember as I was going under, actually, they were all asking me about the secret sound. I was like, no, there's no secret sound at the moment. And also, I don't know it. Did they give you drugs and then try to get the secret sound out of you? They were like, oh, do you know, do you get told the secret sound? I was like, no, I don't.

This is why. That is so cheeky. But you don't normally know it anyway, so you couldn't tell them. But yeah. Men's chopsticks getting in my arms and getting in my... But it was, while it was just a quick surgery, it does

make your hand kind of useless for a couple of weeks. You've got to have it in a sling and not use it. And we're having to put your headphones on you. Yeah, because I can't, any pressure on my fingers hurts my wrist. So like gripping? Yeah, gripping and lifting and pushing and that kind of thing. So it wasn't, I didn't really think it through because over the weekend

I was like, actually, how do I, because it's my right hand, I'm right handed. How do I do anything? There's lots of things I can do with my left hand. I actually put on my makeup with my left hand. Can't put on my makeup with my left hand. Can't tell. That looks good. Oh, no, that's good then. Yeah, it looks good. Yeah, can't tell.

Yeah, thank you. You've just gone light makeup today, though, eh? Have you? Cute. Yeah. Turn your head more? Why? You've got more on that side of your face.

You do? Yeah. You've got more on the left side. I thought it was just the light. That's why I asked you to turn. But you've got a bit more on the left side. I thought it was just the light. That's why I asked you to turn. But you've got a bit more on the left side. Yeah, you do. No, because I'm using my left hand, so it's harder. Yeah, yeah, so it's harder to get around.

I know. I totally know what you're talking about. Oh, damn it. Okay. Damn it. Damn it. And I managed to, before you get gross, I'm like going to the bathroom by myself using left hand.

I just shower every time. Yeah, yeah. After the toilet. You can't get it wet, right? Nah. I have to wear one of those cow gloves that goes right up to my shoulders. When you go up the bum. Yeah, when someone inseminates a cow.

Yeah. One of those gloves. But they have those on hand. Yeah. I got it as a takeaway when I left the hospital. What do they get with vets? They must do. Wow.

Wait, you didn't get your surgery done at a vet's, did you? That's what I asked you about the secret sound. They're just the most this-air-talking animal. You bitch. Someone texted me this morning and was like, I hope those boys are nice to you this week since you've got a sore arm. I was like, it's not likely. Very nice.

It's not likely. But it was actually tying up my hair that've got a sore arm. I was like, it's not likely. Very nice. It's not likely. But it was actually tying up my hair that I had a problem with because there's absolutely no way that you can tie up your hair with one hand. Right.

Because Nah, it's impossible. You need to do it with one hand and then flick the hair tie from one hand to the other. So I asked my husband to put my hair in a ponytail for me. Mr. Toyboy.

Good Lord. Oh, not like plaiting or braids? No, no, no, no, no. Just a ponytail. Okay. Because it was an absolute mess. I hadn't washed it and I was like going out. How did he go with it?

That's easy, surely. Not well at all. So it took probably 10 minutes. I had to bend down. He's like, it was really difficult for him. I figured him for a ponytail. Nah, not at all. Did he not grow up with sisters?

Absolutely. He's got one sister, but she's older. But you never do your sister's ponytail. Oh, I don't know. Maybe if she was younger. Right. But he struggled. Idea.

And he's never had a man bun, has he? No. Could you go get some holiday braids? Not a bad idea. Just for the next two weeks? Yes. Yes. People would be like,

and I'm about to say cultural appropriation, but you'd be like, it's just because my arm's in a sling. I need a low-maintenance hairdo. Yeah. And then you take them out and they give you that wavy, crumpet look. You don't want to be that middle-aged white woman

that gets holiday braids. After you've been to Fiji or something. Yeah. Yeah, they get a bit carried away, don't they, middle-aged women? that gets holiday braids. After you've been to Fiji or something. Yeah. Yeah, they get a bit carried away don't they, middle-aged women? White women in particular, they get all crazy on holiday. Forget who they are.

Forget their place in the world. But I actually, I put it on Instagram. Come back and say Buller and shit. Bullervenaka. It's like, alright Karen, calm down.

You've obviously been to Fiji. Judging by the braids and your weird sunglass tan, we don't need a Bull of Anarka around the office. But I put it on Instagram that he helped me with my ponytail. And lots of people commented about how and what their partners had to do when they were incapacitated. So I would love to hear your stories on what they've had to do. Lots of guys attempting to do here.

Right. And realising it's harder than they thought. So maybe you've had an operation or an accident with a broken arm, leg, whatever, and you've been unable to just do basic things. Basic things. What did your partner have to do? Would you ask Mr. Toyboy if the toilet thing was an issue to do that? I don't know.

Nah. Wipe. Nah. I'm saying wipe. Nah. I don't want to be gross. You're right. Jump in the shower.

Yeah, jump in the shower. You have a bit of mystery in your marriage, right? Yeah. I mean, at least wait until you're really old because he'll still be, what, 40? You'll be 80. When did they get 40 years between us? If I'm 80, he's 70. Oh, yeah, okay, right.

Oh, it's only 10. Right, yeah. He'll still be the youngest in the rest home, though. Yeah. But you're white, you're an average age. He's brown. He's going to keep that youthful vigour for longer. Trust me, I've got one.

I've looked right into it. A wife, a partner who's going to age at half the age of me. Not got one. Don't make it sound like I'm in possession of a brown person. It's what you said. I've got one. I've got one. I was not, that's not what I,

I realise now that that may have been what it sounded like but heavens to Betsy that was not my intention of how it was to come out I've got a what I mean is I've got a partner

who looks significantly younger than me not that yours looks younger than you just play the song Fletch come on man you're just leaving me out here I'm struggling I'm drowning chuck me a life ring

a buoy chuck me a buoy play the song 0800 966 what did-ZM-9696. What did your partner have to do for you? Fleshfauna Megan, the podcast, ZM. Megan had surgery on Friday for your carpal tunnel syndrome. For the wrist, yeah.

And I had to get some assistance from my husband, namely doing my hair, because that really does require two hands. So I would love to know what your partner had to help you out with. After an accident, surgery, if you were incapacitated in some nature. Did he think about the vacuum cleaner trick? No, but someone messaged that on Instagram. So you suck the hair into it. You put a hair tie on the vacuum cleaner tube.

Yeah. And then you vacuum up the hair and then you just slide it off. I couldn't do that. And they've got to have longer hair. Not with the Dyson cordless because you can't turn it on and just leave it. And it's got all those spinny things on it, eh? Yeah. It just literally chews your hair right out.

It actually would suck your hair off. Yeah. Yeah. You've got to do that. Some text messages in. I slipped a disc which was crunching my sciatic nerve so before and after surgery my partner

had to help me put on my shoes and tie them up whenever they came undone and before surgery he also had to take my hair extensions out for me

oh bless now what are hair there's different ways of holding them in eh yeah like sewn in clipped in glued in you just hope for the

clipped in in this situation yeah how do you get out the ones that are weaved in and sewn in I clipped in, glued in. You'd just hope for the clipped in in this situation. Yeah. Because how do you get out the ones that are weaved in and sewn in? I don't know. Very complicated. Get the clippers out.

My partner had to help me do every single thing after my back surgery. But having him shower me was 100% the weirdest thing we've ever been through as a couple. How about I don't have an accident? I'm going to have to get someone to move in with me. Yeah, what would you do? You have to get a carer. You get a state-funded carer. Do you get to pick who it is? No.

What, and do they stay with you? Yeah. They're actually at your house. No, they just visit during the day, don't they? Oh, I know, but if you're in a real bad way, they can stay. Or they stay nearby and they pop in all the time. See, a family friend of ours had a lovely young Filipino man move in and help. Didn't understand a word he said.

That was the biggest problem for them was the language barrier. Because if he's washing you, you want a bit of water before he hits you. You got sponge bathed, didn't you? You just go straight at it. After my hip surgery, I got sponge bathed though, didn't you? You just go straight at it. After my hip surgery, I got sponge bathed. I don't know what the Filipino word is for I'm about to wash your junk, but... Yeah, okay. You learned it pretty quickly.

Certainly would be an easy way to learn a language, wouldn't it? Well, just tap it politely first. Knock, knock. Work your way towards it. Nicole, good morning. Hi. Now, you had to help out your boyfriend after, what, was it a surgery? No, he's going to hate me for talking about this.

But when we first got together, he had a pimple on his bum. Yeah. Like, right in his bum hole. And it hurt every time he like went to the toilet or sat down. Wait, Nicole, Nicole, Nicole. The bum hole? Or the cramp?

No, no, no. The bum hole. Okay. And so every time he went to the toilet, he was in a lot of pain. And so he came in and he's just like, Nicole, can you please help me? How long had you been together when this happened again? Revisit the time period.

Really early stages, maybe like a month or two. Wow. So, our relationship grew very quickly after that. I feel like it brought us closer together.

I bet it did. Wow. That's a cement of that one. That'll cement a relationship. Well, they don't trust you. That'll come up at the wedding. Oh, they did. Wow. That is a cement of that one. That'll cement a relationship. Well, they don't come up at the wedding. Do it after. We normally do speeches after dinner or before? After.

Between courses. Good, good, good. Thanks, Nicole. Lauren, what did you have to help your partner with? Good morning. I recently had norovirus and that includes a lot of vomiting and I accidentally

just about missed the bathroom while running to vomit and I had my hand over my mouth trying to contain myself and it sort of acted like a bit of a sprinkler and I sprayed the whole bathroom with vomit and my poor fiancé had to clean up all the vomit because I was in no state to clean it up myself.

What a good man. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, he definitely... I would have paid those crime scene cleaners for a forensic scrub down. I'd just be like, I don't care what this costs. I'll pay it off if I have to with afterpay.

Do forensic cleaners do afterpay? They should. Everybody's doing afterpay. Do friends and cleaners do afterpay? They should. Everybody's doing afterpay. Thanks, Lauren. Some texts. Somebody said, it's not an operation or anything, but sometimes after a night out, my boyfriend will take off my makeup and my contact lenses out for me if I've had too much to drink.

But imagine coming to and he's like got your eyes pried open and he's like squeezing the contact lens. He's like, stay perfectly still and no one will get hurt. I've got one, I've got one eyes pried open and he's like squeezing the contact. I was like, stay perfectly still and no one will get hurt. I've got one, I've got one. How drunk are you getting? Is he getting cleansing wipes out and everything? Yeah.

He probably doesn't want makeup on his nice Sheridans. No, if he's got a lovely set of pillowcases, he wouldn't want them smeared all over that. Also, I love that this is a common occurrence. Like it's happened enough to know that. Yeah. They don't need the wipes. Hey, I'm sweated.

I'm going to get absolutely shavish tonight. Are you all good to take my makeup off later? Yep. All right. Shots, shots, shots, shots, yeah. They'll need the wipes. Hey, I'm sweated. I'm going to get absolutely shat. Are you all good to take my makeup off later? Yep. All right. Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots. On it. This is, hmm. I once broke my left arm and fractured my left wrist. Both arms were out of action.

Right. Right. But two days later, I had my cycle begin. Okay. Oh, wow. Relatively new boyfriend had to step up to the mark. That's all they're going to say. Because what else would you do?

You'd ask a friend before you ask a new boyfriend, wouldn't you? Wow. Caitlin's like, no, you wouldn't. Dude stepped up. Wait, if you've been going out with this guy, you would ask him. This guy deserves an MBE. Wait, Caitlin. Why are you getting him on the Queen's Honours list?

You've been going out with this guy three weeks. You would ask him over a friend. I'd ask my mum. I'd be like, mum, you're going to have to come up here. And quick. Yeah. Yeah. I think I'd use different. Yeah, would you use a. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah. I think I'd use different.

Yeah, would you use a. Yeah. Yeah, okay. No, that's actually what you do. Hadn't thought of that little situation, had they? Oh, no, we're getting text messages from people being like, I'm glad someone's finally talking about this. It happened to me.

I broke both my arms. Mum. Wow. Thanks, Mum. Mum, yeah, right. Thanks, Mum. Mum. Yeah, right. Thanks, Mum. Okay, well, let's move on. Fact of the day next.

Fleshfawner Megan, the podcast. ZM. It's time for... Fact of the day, day and I didn't know before when we were talking about how you've had to help your partner out. Was it Nicole who had to do the squeezing of the pimple in the butt area? I didn't know. This is a butt heavy. But excuse me.

But today's fact of the day is the scientific name for the butt crack. Oh, okay. The intergluteal cleft is the name because it's intergluteal, of course, between the two gluteus maximi. And it forms a cleft between them. It is the groove

between the buttocks that runs from the back, the tailbone to the gooch. Okay, right. Well, that's good because you couldn't have a doctor saying something about your... Your butt crack. Your butt crack. It sounds odd when a doctor says that.

It's with the intergluteal cleft. And it's got other names. The arena interglutealis. Which makes it sound like Spartans went to war in there, didn't it? There's some sort of gladiatorial battle in the arena. It makes it sound like there's a massive concert going on in there. Yeah, Post Malone's playing in the arena. At the Spark Arena Interglutealis.

Excuse me. Yeah, the crinia... No, I'm not going to say that one. Because I'm not going to say it right and then everyone's going to laugh at me. Okay, right. So, yeah, it's got a scientific name which could just flash up your next conversation about a butt crack. Yeah. Like when a plumber's around or some sort of tradie

whose shorts have gone down and they're bent over a lot. Plumbers often wear this because they're always underneath a bench tending to a sink or such. That you would be able to see their intergluteal cleft. Rather than say their crack. Yeah, I can see the butt crack. I can see your builder's intergluteal cleft.

Yeah, I can see your tradie intergluteal cleft. It would be a great way of just letting a plumber know you can see their oft-hairy butt crack. So today's fact of the day is there is a scientific name for the butt crack and it is the intergluteal cleft. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. This morning, the Silver Ferns bet the Australian diamonds at the Netball World Cup 52-51. Can you believe it?

It's gone! It's all over! New Zealand have won the World Cup. New Zealand netball stand tall. You're back on the top of the world. So much of it due to Noeline Taurua and these women. My goodness, there's shock, there's belief. What a story from the New Zealand Silver Ferns. Who would have thought they'd be here and look what they've done

when their day of opportunity presented. Well, it's been 16 years since the joy in Jamaica and now the Silver Ferns feel the love in Liverpool. And we're joined on the phone by Katrina Rore of the Silver Ferns. Third time's a charm. Katrina, congratulations.

Thank you for my good friend, Caitlin. The only person I'm going to answer the phone to While I'm having a few beverages It's great time Caitlin just said you were told by your media manager Not to answer any phone calls But Caitlin called so you answered

I had some vibration in my bag It's Caitlin I'll answer this one There we are How's everybody feeling? Because that was just an incredible win To be honest I'm the disabled toilet of a bar There we are. Hey, so how's everybody feeling? Because that was just an incredible win. To be honest, I'm the disabled toilet of a bar.

I can hear you guys. And we are on, like, cloud nine. This is ridiculously awesome. And you know what? This team is so deserving of this. Our whole team is at the unreal. And I'm so proud of every single one of them. And you know what? I've got a gold medal around my neck, and I'm damn happy about it.

Good girl. Yes. Good, good, good. Awesome. If there's even something sweeter about it being up against Australia in the final. Oh, how good. How good.

You know, we've been on that second dial multiple times. Yeah. Laura Bailey and I were looking at each other about the top, on the top, winning a gold medal. We're like, guys, can you believe this? We are world champions. We're about to get a gold medal around our neck. Like, oh, how good. It's unreal.

Unreal. So good. So good. So you played in the 2011 World Cup, the 2015 World Cup, and this is your third and first gold medal. So that's got to feel good after those two. Oh,

you have no idea how much better it feels to win a gold over a silver. Like it's, mate, like, times are good right now.

Times are good. And also, I think the country, I think the country after last week's Cricket World Cup loss needed this, Katrina.

Yeah, you're welcome. You're welcome. Yes. Faith in the glory. Yes. Faith in it. Actually, Jimmy Nisham seems to be celebrating with us. So he's having a good time too.

Is he? Has it been a small one in the country? James Nisham. He'll be anywhere. There needs to be some celebrating done. Nice. Them and a heap of beavers. Yep.

Work it. Well, congratulations. We won't keep you any longer from the celebrations. Passing out congratulations to everybody from the entire damn country. We're all very proud. Thank you. I love you. Because Caitlin's been saying all morning that you guys are friends,

but we didn't really believe her. And then she's come through. She's come through. We're real tight. We're real tight. Love you guys. You guys are awesome. Awesome.

Thank you so much. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. ZM. The study has been done, which has found the most irritating things coworkers hate about other coworkers. Hello. There I am. Thank you.

Not turning their microphones up. One. Replying all. Oh, no. Reply all. They're so annoying. Comical reply alls. People hate that.

Yeah. Not that, though, for the number one? No. The thing that people hate most. Not returning cups. In the number one? No. The thing that people hate most... Not returning cups. In the office. No, it's not that. Throwing cutlery in the bin for some weird reason.

All the forks always go away. Just, yeah. And I see what's the story. And they said they end up in the bin. They've done a check and they're in the bin. And I was like, why are you chucking them in the bin? Because they're too lazy. Put them out.

The thing that office workers found most irritating in the study were stinky foods. Reheated. them out. The thing that office workers found most irritating in the study were stinky foods. Re-heated or that are eaten at lunchtime. Things like fish, curries, stir fries that are a bit stanky. At the show, when it finishes

at nine, at night a bit of doze-dob jabs kicks off, I go and make myself porridge. Now, most days, somebody has had a very, very large, meaty, leftovers reheat by that time. At this time of the morning. Really? Like a meaty breakfast. Full-blown meaty breakfast.

Full-blown meaty breakfast. Differing sorts of meats, too. You can tell by the smell. Sometimes it's a lamb. Sometimes it's a beef. Well, sometimes I wonder if we should be eating those bigger meals in the morning anyway. But this is massive. Really? Huge. But you can still smell

it. Well, no, I've seen it. On occasion. And it's never a half size. It's always a full bowl. It's overflowing. It's so full. You know when you microwave something in a bowl and it's too full and it'll never heat everything? Yeah. Some part of it is still going to be cold. You can constantly be taking it out and slopping it around. So this is,

is this at the top of your annoyance list? Well, yeah, it's quite, and they don't wipe the microwave after and they get quite splitty splatty, don't they, those big... Then it's hard because if you use Glad Wrap, you get like, called an eco-terrorist.

No, you just put a paper towel over top of it. Oh yeah, that too. Yeah. Also on the list, and right up there, so it went, smelly food. Then it went, loud eating noises.

Oh, yes. And then talking too loudly on the phone. Right. So smell and then two sounds. Yeah, we don't work in the office, so we don't have to experience this. But I'd imagine if you have to be in the office every day, this is what you're putting up with. And James and Anna don't like it when Caitlin eats an apple.

Really? James wasn't here to defend himself. No. Hang on a minute. Anya, let's go to Anya for the actual truth here. It's painful. Turn Anya's mic on. It is on. Hello. It's not working. It's not here. It's painful. Turn Anya's mic on. It is on.

Hello. It's not working. It's not working. It's on. It's not on. Does that work? Is it muted? Hello.

There we go. I hate to press one and two. Yeah, whole band. Well, of course, it's two microphones. Great. Nah, no, no, no, no. Let's get back to the

Caitlin bashing at hand. What's it like listening to an apple, Anya? I love you so much, but it is, no, no. Let's get back to the Caitlin bashing at hand. What's it like listening to her eat an apple, Anya? I love you so much, but it is excruciating. What? It's, yeah. Why? I'm glad you're getting your fruit and veg in,

but I just wish you did it at another time. Okay, this is really offensive because no one can eat an apple quietly. It doesn't need to be quietly, though. It needs to just be like, hum. I think if the mouth stays closed, it can be pretty quiet. Megan. Fletch shouldn't give us an example of how to eat an apple because he'll eat it and he'll go.

I do that because it gets stuck. Come and get this apple and show us how loudly you eat. Should we put her on one of these microphones? Should we have it? And the producers both. You said Megan! What was your defence? No, eat it or maybe go into Vaughan's microphone. What were you about to say in your

defence? I'm content today, is this why I have to eat an apple on there? No, we want to see how loud... No, come into the microphone, okay, and eat as you normally would. Well, I had a big mouth So I had to open my mouth I took a big mouthful Yeah I was going to say

You don't have to eat Like half of the apple In one go Yeah I ate half the apple Just take a little Take a smaller bite I got a big mouth No just take a smaller bite

Okay now just How would you normally eat it? Because your first two crunches You had so much It was so big Your first two crunches Couldn't be mouth shut crunches Because

Okay so smaller bite Smaller bite Oh you can hear the gurgling your first two crunches couldn't be mouth shut crunches because. Okay, so smaller bite. Smaller bite. Oh, you can hear the gurgling. You can hear the gurgling. You see how she struggled to shut her mouth? She doesn't usually shut her mouth. I do.

Shut your mouth. No, you don't. One more bite and shut your mouth. Just shut it. Just a small bite and shut your mouth. Just shut it. Just a small bite and shut your mouth. Oh, my God. Yeah, see? Oh, my God.

If that's trying to. Yeah, yeah. If that's a conscientious effort. Yeah. All right. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZDM's free and Clinton to listen listen to subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts and music lives here ZM