ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - July 23 2018

Episode Date: July 22, 2018

Vaughan fixed his car by watching a Youtube video, Community Notices and what food did you stock pile?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. You can stay connected with free Wi-Fi a gig a day on the $19 Spark prepaid rollover pack. Enjoy. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and... Sickness. Caitlin.

Hi, Caitlin. Hello. Megan's sick. Yeah. Hi, Caitlin. Hello. Megan's sick. Yeah. Yeah, she is. No voice apparently. Squeaky. Oh, did you hear her Instagram over the weekend?

She was calling me and I was like. Oh, man. She's always got a pathetic voice on her Instagram. No, it's cute. She does. She's like, hey, I just opened this from Revlon. It's her baby voice and she doesn't know. No, she's like whispering.

It's like, why are you whispering? This is your house. Speak loudly and proudly. Don't judge people on their voices. I just opened this thing here. This is great. Voice want one of these. Just because you don't have like a baby voice.

I've got a wonderful baby voice. Whenever she does that, I message her. I'm like, Megan, speak up, please. You're a professional broadcaster. That's why she does it, just to annoy you. I think so. So she's resting. So you've had the call-up, Caitlin.

Yeah. This is like when one of the main All Blacks is out, injured. And you're... Who am I? Owen Franks. I don't know if he's starting mine up. He's one of the main ones. He's one of the main ones.

Is he? Frank Franks, his brother. Frank Bunce. Frank Bunce. Frank Bunce. You're like Frank Bunce. Jesus. If they all like to call me Frank Bunce, no offence.

Great in his day, but we're in trouble. Okay. Yay, Frank. Yay, Frank Bunce. Yeah, you're Frank Bunce today. Okay. Great. Fantastic.

All right, the top six is coming up. Yeah, the top six things today that we're looking into are the top six things the 1% of New Zealanders who might not ever get the internet due to pass the time. This is crazy. 1% of New Zealanders have no access to the internet. Is it because they live in the WAPs? The WAP WAPs, yeah. Oh, okay.

Like the middle of nowhere. The sticks, the backpacks. Yeah, see, I always liked the idea of having like an eco-cabin off the grid in the middle of nowhere, but only if there's internet. Oh, but you'd want 4G. See, I always liked the idea of having like an eco-cabin off the grid in the middle of nowhere. But you'd want 4G. Yeah, 4G. Only in the weekends. Just go there in the weekends.

Yeah. And fibre, obviously. Fibre? Yeah. As well as 4G. Yeah, yeah. And power. You just want an apartment.

With a tree out the window. Okay, then I'll just live in the city. Okay, you live in the city. You're fine. We'll get you a fly kiss. We've had a dance remix issue. Story time. Story time. Three headlines

for three stories that I've found online. Interesting, unusual, weird, quirky stories. And with Megan away, producer Caitlin, who's in Megan's seat, like,

she hasn't even been here today, and we've got a new mum. You can help decide as well. This is the best microphone. Okay. Headline one, police go back to daycare. Headline two, Dr Bum Bum caught after four days on the runs. That's me. And headline three, 1.4

million watch mum free birth. Ugh. Three great stories. Three great headlines today. Dr. Bum Bum. For me, just the best thing I've ever heard. Why did I know? Before the news was pretty grim.

It was people heading their homes with the oven door open. Our caps have become a shortage. Yeah, it's not good news. That's awful news. It's Dr. Bum Bum on the run. It's just fun to say. I knew when I put this headline in, I was like, Vaughn's not going to go past us. Hit me, Dr. Bum Bum.

Okay, we go now to Brazil. Brazil. Brazil. Come to Brazil. Where Dr. Bum Bum, one of Brazil's foremost buttock enhancement surgeons, has been caught after he went into hiding for four days following the death of a patient. Now, the plastic surgeon, whose real name is Denis Furtado,

like Nelly Furtado, remember her? He's a regular fixture on Brazilian TV and also has several hundred thousand Instagram followers. I've never seen him on Instagram, but apparently Dr. Bum Bum. Is that just what his Instagram name is? That's what his nickname is, so I'm assuming it's Hathaway.com. Now, his patient died following injections that he gave her to enlarge her buttocks, and he's now facing murder charges.

His mother also arrested, accused of being an accomplice. I don't know if she was like his nurse while he did these dodgy things. Yeah, so apparently he's been arrested. Did it go into a bloodstream or something? Well, I don't know. He's apparently done 9,000 of these

such procedures. Does it say what he injected? It doesn't know, but you hear of some people injecting some horrific things. Don't you take fat from other areas and put it in the bum? All that filler stuff. Oh, yeah. As someone that always just is constantly trying to lose weight,

why do people want to have a huge joint? No, girls want big bums. You've got to have a thick boot on. You want a little waist and a big bum and, like, good-sized boobs. Right. And then it's, like, the perfect boday. And you say, who you getting thick for? Have you not seen that on the internet?

It looks like a portion, though. Like, Chloe and Kim with their big bums. Like, it's, I don't know how that doesn't, yeah, I don't know how that works. Huge. Like, their waist is so skinny. But it looks good. Must make jeans a nightmare. Yeah, did you find Dr how that works. Huge. Like, their waist is so skinny. But it looks good. Must make jeans a nightmare. Yeah, did you find Dr. Bum Bum online?

Yeah, but how many followers did you say he had? I said thousands. I had 2,000. Oh. So they literally, they weren't lying, but they did sort of lead you up the garden path. No, it's Dr. Bum Bum. Dr. Bum Bum. Wow.

They said that he has several hundred thousand followers. Oh, I got the wrong Dr. Bum Bum Pete Caracante. Said that he has several hundred thousand followers. Oh, I got the wrong Dr. Bum Bum then. Let me try again. Dr. Bum Bum. Brazil. Two Dr. Bum Bums, maybe. I don't know. Dr. Brazil Bum Bum.

Unless he has deleted it since his arrest. Maybe he has because that was the one that came up when I searched Instagram, Dr. Bum Bum. But I mean, I guess the lesson we can learn from this is if you're wanting to get butt enhancers, do it properly. Not with a dodgy doctor in his mum's kitchen. Or just don't.

Or just don't. Be happy with the body that you're in. Or just wear like five, six pairs of gruts. Little tip from me to you. Don't do that. Get sweaty though. Not very breathable. Can you use those like the fillets that you use, but on your bum?

On your butt. Yeah, they do have, people do put like a prosthetic butt. Yeah. Like, you know how when you're pretending that you're pregnant, they put it on your butt? Yeah. You could definitely do that. Then what happens if you go home with someone?

You just go, oh, I just got to whip. I just have to take my butt out. But then that's like. And then you've got them there. So they're not going to leave. It's like fishing. You catch a fish. Yeah.

Shame on the fish for eating the jiggly plastic thing. Hey. Yeah. Like just look more carefully. Yeah. It's your fault.

You fell for it. Yeah. I'm sorry. You don't apologise to the snapper do you? No it's just their call. You just drove a knife through behind its eye.

If every month or every two weeks or weekly or how often you get paid, you see you get your pay slip and it's got your little deductions, your tax to be part of a functioning society, and under that your student loan as well, that can be a little bit of a, oh, man, moment when you get your paycheck.

And then you pay it off and it's like you get a nice little pay increase. Interest free if you stay in the country. Yeah. But there are some other options. And in America, this one's kind of picking up steam as an alternative to sort of borrowing and having to pay back a certain amount of money is universities are taking on board.

This is generally for people who struggle to get a student loan or that the courses they're taking because in America you can only, and this has just been extended, hasn't it? No, there was a student allowance that's getting extended in New Zealand. Because was it the last year or the last two years of to be a doctor wasn't covered by student allowance?

They study for so long. Seven years. And it goes up to five. So it's being extended. So there's those sorts of degrees as well that the student loans in America would only go for a certain amount of time. So this is an alternative that's been put forward, is that rather than taking a loan from the government or a federal loan in this case, you just promise to pay back the university

a percentage of the money you earn when you enter the workforce for a certain amount of time. So technically you're borrowing off the university. I don't know if this includes living costs because that could be, they would actually have to have outgoing cash to you for that. But for the actual education side of your degree, you pay back the university. For example, one of the guys that they talked to was a pilot

and he'd studied aviation, obviously. Oh, they're going to get cash out of him because pilots get paid well. He got it free, but then he's agreed to pay them 8% of his salary. Right. For a certain amount of time after he exits university. They're not going to let radio people do this. No. No, because that's an expensive degree

and a lot of people come out of a radio like us, work for free for a little while, don't earn much money for a little while, maybe go and work in a completely different field and finally start making some money, but by then they will have recooked next to nothing. So yeah, it's an alternative for people who struggle to get conventional student loans in America.

Right. You've got to try it. Is there a certain amount of time? Could you just do your degree and then just go work in a, or just go on an LA for a couple of years? Yeah, what if you went overseas? After university? Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know if you can. I think they own you. I think they own you. Or when you re-enter America and enter the workforce, that's probably when the time starts? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if you can. I think they own you. I think they own you. When you re-enter America and enter the workforce, that's probably when the time starts. Yeah. From there.

Right. So just go overseas and get a sugar daddy and then not come back? There is that option. Yeah. I've never been able to go home. You just paid off your student loan? Mm-hmm. Was it a good feeling?

It was honestly like I gave myself a little pay rise. Like now I look at my bank account once a month and I'm like, oh my God. Have you already spent that money every payday? Yeah, oh, ship's yeah. Like you get paid, you go shopping and then it's gone. And then I'm like, oh, mother did. But at least whatever crap you're buying there is about as worthless as the degree that you spent that money on originally, right? Yeah.

Coming from someone with the same degree, I'm allowed to say that. I mean, I think I'm doing them right. I can, you know. Well, you're filling in for Megan today. You've already stepped up there. It's really helped. Yeah. Because if you didn't have a degree, you probably wouldn't be sitting there.

Thanks, CPIT. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Good morning. how dis? How dis? For crazy How dis for crazy? 1% of New Zealanders don't have the internet How many is that? If we've got a population of 4.5 million

It's that divided by 100 Nah, it couldn't be 45,000? Yeah Imagine all the hotties out there, Caitlin that aren't even on Bumble and that They're all in the back blocks That's the other problem, if you started dating

one of these people with no internet, you'd have to go to the back blocks Yeah, they wouldn't have an Instagram How do you stalk them? Very good, like in person Like a deer? Stalk them like a deer So what are they doing to pass the time? Sorry, like in person. Like a deer. Stalked them like a deer. That's weird. So what are they doing?

To pass the time. Given that the rest of us can burn through a couple of hours a day mindlessly on the internet. Oh, at least a couple of hours. And, you know, maybe that's people hearing that right now are like, yeah, take a look at yourself. But at the same time, you know, there's not enough hours in the day, but there's too many hours in the day. But there's not enough to do, but there's too much to do. Stop judging us. We're allowed to do whatever we want with our phones.

Freedom! So the top six things that 1% of New Zealand do is that they can't go on the internet. Number six, board games. Remember those? Yeah. Those things you used to do with your family, but they always ended in fights and mum banned them.

That's why you don't play cranium, do you? Shade? No, not at all. I'm a formidable cranium player. I know you are. Formidable. I know. But if I'm on her team, she gives up too easy.

Yep. And if I'm on the opposition's team, like once me and her brother teamed up and we smoked them and then she gets angry because I'm just smoking everybody. You can't win. No, you can't win. That's most board games. We don't like to play too many board games.

Okay. Number five on the list of the top six things those 1% of New Zealanders who don't have the internet do to pass the time. I think it said caniting. So you get two sticks and you put some wool around them and you whack the sticks together and then you make things. Kniting? Kniting?

That's it, yeah. Kniting? You make what? Knitting, Caitlin. Oh, God. I was like, what are you talking about? Knitting? No, it's got a K in it.

Knitting is fun? It's definitely knitting. Kniting. And you whack the sticks together and then like magically, I think it must be witchcraft, and then scarves appear. Yeah. Or like ugly jumpers.

Hey. Do not make fun of knitting. No, it's become hipster war. It is, and it's really relaxing. You should learn how to do it. Oh, no, because you can't do it when you're playing Fortnite. But when you're watching TV, then you wouldn't be on your phone. I could do it while I was waiting for the battle bus when I'm readying up.

So everyone's like, ready up. I'll be like, hold on, lads. I'm just, I'm halfway through it. Drop stitch. Purl. Drop stitch, yeah. Something. That's good, yeah.

Do you do knitting, Caitlin? Well, yes, I once knitted a hat for a newborn baby. My mum technically did most of it. See, if I did knitting, I'd do all my knitting for newborns because it's little and it takes less time. And then you look like a really good dude. I know. Doing the knitting for premature babies. You go in once a month

before you're like, here you go. And they're like, Saint Fletch, the patron saint of premature babies. And you're like, well, actually, I don't like babies at all. It's just that it's small and it's easy to do. Yeah. Like a jumper for an XL adult is like weeks of my life.

This is much less wool. Yeah. Number four on the list of the top six things 1% of New Zealanders who don't have the internet do to pass the time. Baking. But they don't even take photos and put them on Instagram. So did they really even bake at all? Fletch was baking yesterday. I saw him in a cake with a good, thick yield of icing.

Because I had some bananas in my fruit bowl and they went brown and I was like, oh, banana cake. But see, we knew that he did that because he put it on Instagram. I know, because I'm not going to bake something and make all that effort. No.

Weirdly, I don't see cake here, though. Yeah. It's too hard to carry the cake in the morning. It would look weird at that time of morning to be walking as briskly as you do carrying the cake. You obviously just don't care about us enough to bring us cake. No, because if I brought it in,

you'd be like, I don't want to eat anything, it's Monday. You don't bring cake into work on a Monday. Yeah, that's a good point. You bring it in Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. Yeah. Because everyone's on their diets today. Yeah.

Number three on the list of the top six things that 1% of New Zealanders without the internet do to pass the time. Watch conventional television. I know, like with ads and stuff that they can't even fast forward. We day. Yuck. Yuck. Sometimes on a special occasion, they'll watch a VHS.

Now that is a tape. What is that? Is that a tape? It's a tape that you put in the machine of something that you recorded previously. Magic. I know. It's like Downlines or Netflix, but not. Yeah.

And you've got to rewind it when you're finished. Number two on the list of the top six things these 1% of New Zealanders that the internet do to pass the time. They go outside. Bizarre. Don't they know what's outside? It's all the bad stuff. I don't know.

Enjoy it. Breathe air? Weird. I don't know. There's so many. All the worst dangerous things in the world are out there. Yep. Snacks.

Yeah, they're out there. Sharks. That's where they get kept. Stay inside. Yeah, stay inside away from them. And the number one thing These top six New Zealanders Without the internet do They look through

Family photo albums Which I'm told Are like Instagram But there's heaps of photos Of your mum and dad Okay Yeah They're like black and white

And rather than like Scroll down You like turn a page Yeah right Too much effort Real trip Real trip No videos though Does it tell you When you've got to the end Of the feed Yeah you just kind of Get to the end Roll down, you like turn a page. Yeah, right. Too much effort. Real trip. Real trip.

No videos though. Does it tell you when you've got to the end of the feed? Yeah, you just kind of get to the end. How do you like the photos? You just say, oh, I like that one. Oh, no. Yeah, I know. How do people know that you've liked it? Well, they hear you say it.

Right. But what if you're not with all your friends? I don't have all the answers. It's an ancient technology that I've not fully explored. But I know one thing. I know one one thing Mum didn't have a single photo With slim T No she didn't That's really weird, mum's not peddling anything

How do you get out to all your I don't know, mum's not trying to sell me anything Imagine you go through your mum and dad's photo album You flick the page and there's a discount code For a watch Mum's like, love this new watch If page and there's a discount code for a watch. Yeah. Mum's like, love this new watch. If you want to get a discount on this watch, use the code mum20.

All right, Spice. And your mum's like, got a new necklace today, but it's not really about the necklace. It's about her cleavage. And you're like, mum. Yeah. F.M. As somebody who once accidentally had Burberry. The fashion label. Yeah. Yeah. I had had Burberry, the fashion label. Yeah.

Yeah. I had some Burberry sunglasses. Yeah, yeah, you did. They were great. Remember that? People would be like, oh my God, babes, Burberry sunglasses. I was like, oh, my friend worked there and she got them for me for free because it was the end of the line. People are like, don't tell that story.

Just say you have Burberry sunglasses. It doesn't go with the rest of the aesthetic. Right. I'm going to stick with my story of end of. Just say you have Burberry sunglasses. It doesn't go with the rest of the aesthetic. I'm going to stick with my story of end of the line Burberry sunglasses. Well, they are under fire. It turns out they're one of those brands that doesn't like discounting their product because they feel it affects their brand. Right. Like your big brands like your Louis Vuitton.

Yeah. And Prada. Yep. They don't do sales and discounts. That's what they like about it. And they're obviously doing all right. Yeah. Because, you know, the brands that we know and they're making lots of money.

Yep. So last year, rather than reduce the price of the stock that they had left over at the end of the season, they burnt it. And burnt $55 million worth. Oh my God. Of stock. So four bags. Yeah. Four bags.

One piece of luggage. Yeah. Did you say million or thousand? Million. 55 million. 28 million pound, which comes to roughly New Zealand, $55 million.

So because a lot of places will have like outlet stores or you go to like, you know, the outlet malls and they might have an outlet there, but they don't want to cheapen their brand. No. They want to be high-end luxury. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Even that fire, it would feel like such a posh fire.

It would, wouldn't it? But that's like bad for the environment. Yeah. They burn perfume, clothes and accessories. So clothes, fabric. Yep. Perfume. I don't know the logistics of burning perfume but when they say accessories, I'm imagining there was a fair bit

of plastic involved in that. Yeah, as you say, it wouldn't be great. Is it because they don't want like people, povo people buying their stuff at an outlet marked down from 70%? Yeah. Wearing their brand. Take a bit of the shine off the brand.

And is it because they only want, like, sophisticated people wearing it? The la-di-das. They don't want to discount it. That's so bad. Gets worse. Oh, okay. Over the last five years,

they have destroyed, burnt and destroyed in other ways, $173 million worth of their own products at the end of season runs. I'd love to know like how many products it is. Like how many pairs of jackets or pants. How many things it is, yeah. I mean the scarves are

like $500 aren't they? Or even more. So the wastes up two years ago, they destroyed half as much as they did this year. And it's six times as much as they destroyed in 2013. Wow. Do you remember, who was it in the news? Was it Kathmandu that were chucking away some sleeping bags and stuff?

Oh, and they would cut them before they bagged them. So that people who sleep rough on the streets and everything wouldn't get them out and be able to use them. What is wrong with people? Yeah. That's so bad. People who sleep rough on the streets and everything wouldn't get them out and be able to use them and it would diminish the brand. What is wrong with people? Yeah. That's so bad. I know, rather than give it...

I bet they're not the only clothing brand that does that. No, but... I've got four. I can kind of see that they want it, but then there's the other side of it, is that by burning something, there's people who desperately need it. And not even, we heard before in the news at 6 o'clock,

people are staying warm in their houses by leaving an oven door open, for crying out loud, and going without heating. This isn't a problem just for people on the streets. Yeah. You know, the cold of winter months and everything's a problem that affects a huge portion of society. These people are burning things to keep people warm. Couldn't you just send the products

to like a third world country where people aren't going to see these people wearing their stuff? You know what I mean? Yeah. Where you'd just think it was rip off and fake anyway. Exactly. You'd never know.

Yeah. But also all of the Burberry stuff is like pretty much the same fabric and pattern. Like can't they just, couldn't they just reuse that? Like untake it and do it into a more modern style? Or shred it up,

compress it into bricks and give fire bricks and give those to people who are cold. So then at least they're still burning it, but they're sharing the warmth. That's a good idea. God, these people are idiots. They have no idea. Just make millions. Remark no idea. Make millions.

Remarkably sustainable. Right, yeah. Well, you're encouraging that with your Burberry sunglasses. Well, I know it's the end of life. See, those ones probably would have been chucked on there and burnt, but they ended up on my face. And I'd happily wear some of this, you know, headed for the inferno. Fletchborn and Megan's Community Notices.

Hello and welcome to Community Notices. Hello. Hello. A segment of the show where we have a look at what's happening around New Zealand according to local Facebook pages. And these are sourced by you, for you. What's the other one? The people. By the people, for the people.

Something like that. Some of the people. Sure. Okay. Brigitte on the Invercargill winch page. She hasn't got a winch. She's got a query. Okay.

She says, how do you tell the sex of a rabbit? My little bugger is so confused that doesn't know whether to jump under or on top of the cat. Here's the disturbing thing. Jason posted a Google image of how to check the gender of your rabbit. Oh, that's not what I wanted to see at this time of the day. No. Wait, I want to see it closer. You don't.

How do you know, though? One's got a hole and one's got a doodle. Does a rabbit have a doodle? Yeah, of course a rabbit has a doodle. Just a little one. Looks like a mic for a penis. I've never, okay, I just haven't really ever wanted it. No, I've never had rabbits.

But it's a mammal, so it's got a penis-y thing. Huh. Doesn't look like ours. Imagine a rabbit with a human penis. Is it more like a nub? More like a nub, yes, yes, yes, much more nub-like. It wouldn't get off the ground hopping. No, well it would, but it'd drag it.

Yeah. Maybe it comes out when it's excited. Yeah, I think that's the idea with penises. They come out. Right, okay. They grow somewhat when they're excited. I never knew that rabbits had little rabbit penises. What did you think they had?

I never really thought about it. Yeah. They go at it like rabbits. Yeah, I know they go at it like rabbits. I just never thought about it. Yeah, they do. They've got them. Now I know. They're not afraid to use. Yeah, I know they go at it like rabbits. I just never thought about it. Yeah, they do. They've got them. And they're not afraid to use them.

Now I know. As a grown adult, I know. You were today years old. Yeah, I was today years old. We'll just go a little bit north from the Invercargill Winch page to the Waimate Discussion Group. This is a page in the Waimate. Home to a lot of wallabies.

Yes. Wallabies. A sign Waimate. Okay. Home to a lot of wallabies. Yes. Wallabies. I've seen the sign driving past. Can someone please help? My son was drunk and smashed my toilet and a window.

He's been arrested but I have a toilet leaking all over the place. He's been arrested. Thank you. Now that's a mum with a lot on her plate.

My son's been arrested for smashing my toilet. Here's the thing about the son in prison. Yep. In remand in the cells. Yep.'s been arrested for smashing my toilet. Here's the thing about the sun in prison. Yep. In remand in the cells. Yep. It's not going anywhere.

No. The leaky toilet needs to be dealt with ASAP. I went to a party in Waimāti once. Did they smash a toilet? No, I pulled my hamstring. I dropped,

I dropped something in the toilet once and smashed it. Do you remember that? It was a candle. Oh yeah, and a glass. It was a glass.

It wasn't one of the candles. And it smashed. It smashed the bowl. Smashed the toilet. So I had that? It was a candle. Oh yeah, and a glass. It was a glass. It wasn't one of candles. And it smashed. It smashed the bowl. Smashed the toilet. So you had to get the whole thing replaced. I've heard by a lot of people drop things in toilets and it's just something about that. If a corner hits it. Yep. Boom. You've got to be careful. But yeah, you're going to have to replace the whole toilet. Yeah, that's a whole toilet job.

You're going to need to turn the water off. You're going to have to get a port-a-loo for the meantime. Oh, no, you're just... Yeah, true, maybe. What about booze? Maybe dig a hole in your garden. You can do that in Waimate. Grim.

Not frowned upon as much as you'd think in Waimate. To the Manawatu Bargains page, and my ongoing issue with bargains being spelt wrong continues, as it's spelt by gins. However, Leanne has something that's taken my attention off the spelling error momentarily. She is selling approximately 4,000 ballpoint pens. Oh, was she or her husband a collector? I believe her brother was a collector.

Right. And she's come into owning them, approximately 4,000. Collection's been started for well over 20 years. Some of those that have a dry nib. You know the key if you've got a dry nib is just on glass. Yes. And it gets the ball rolling around. It gets the ball rolling.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about, are you against the lick? Oh, yeah, I'm against the lick, yeah. You're against the lick? Yeah, no, that doesn't work. Lubricate the ball. How's that going to work? It just got the ball going again.

Nah. Glass. It lubricates it. Ideally, I'd be willing to sell as an entire set. Right. But willing to sell separately will be very hard to pick specific pens. Wanting 50 cents each

may consider discounts for bulk purchases of pens. Oh, God. It's not something you're just going to have to chuck away. Do people buy pens anymore or do you just steal them from work? You just steal them from work. Yeah. I haven't purchased a pin for many a month.

But then, oh, when you get a good pin. I've thought about as I got older maybe I needed to get a nice pin. But then I'm like, no, I don't. I'll just lose it. I think the generation of a nice pin's almost gone now. Oh, one of those ooh-la-la. Because you're not signing checks or anything. If I was a real estate agent,

I'd have a really nice pen so that when people were like buying their houses, like it would be my pen that I get out to celebrate me tricking someone into buying a meth house. I'd be like, guess what, sucker? It's too late because you just used my $100 Parker pen to sign up to a lifetime of trouble. This one from the Drury, Papakura, Takanini, Manurewa grapevine.

Now, that is a big catchment area. It is, yeah, huge. Huge catchment area. And this is from Josie, high south of Auckland, looking for this hot, sexy, blue-eyed Bob the Builder type we saw on Saturday in Papakura on Kelvin Road at the dairy. We were in a red Nissan, me and my cousin. Hit me up.

Yeah, girl. You get it, girl. So I don't know if you're a sexy blue-eyed Bob the Builder type that was in Papa Cora at the Derry on Calvin Road. You want to hear from the Bob the Builder type before he goes on to Josie. Well, Josie and her cousin

in the red Nissan, they're after you, okay? So you can definitely let them know. And finally, Browns Bay on the North Shore in Auckland. Alex has found somebody's teeth. Found them at Caltex Browns Bay. It's been left with the staff there, so you can go and pick it up. But there you go.

That's a... Oh, that's a nice... Do you call those dentures? Yeah, nice looking set of dentures. Nice set of chompers there. So if you're finding it hard to chew or you feel like the bottom half of your jaw is not doing its fair share of the work, Browns Bay Caltex would be for you because your teeth are there and waiting. Those are today's community notices.

If you see anything on your local Facebook page, FBMZM on Facebook, send it to ours. News last week that Australia was ceasing Coke Zero. That's right. They were not going to sell Coke Zero anymore. It was moving primarily to Coke, no sugar. Yep. And in New Zealand they've said that we've still got Coke Zero for now. They said we're alright. Yeah, yeah, we're

alright for now. I don't know. Everyone else has got rid of it. I'll get the inside word because I've got contacts on the inside. At Coke. I realise tapping my nose while talking about Coke could be quite misleading. You don't have Coke, do you? I've got Coke inside.

Well, I mean, one of my best mates delivers Coke in Wellington. Oh, right, okay. So he'll know. He'll know. If all of a sudden there's no Coke Zero, he'll know. And he'll let me know because I've got... Okay. You've got the inside word on Coke.

The thing is, they've said New Zealanders are safe. We're fine because we love Coke Zero so much. That's what they want us to believe. Yeah, I don't know. So Australians are apparently, supermarkets are reporting what they do have left is just flying off the shelves because everybody's stockpiling. Coke Zero addicts are stockpiling.

Well, people drink it every day. Like, they're replacing coffee and, like, energy drinks for Coke Zero. So, oh no, how will they get their fit? But I, like, for me, when I have the Coke No Sugar, because Coke Zero's not available,

I'm just like, oh yeah, it'll do. You just get used to it. Oh. But I do love Coke Zero. Yeah. And it does taste, I think it does taste better

than Coke No Sugar. Yeah. But I don't know. I can see why they're stockp Yeah. And it does taste, I think it does taste better than Coke No Sugar. Yeah. But I don't know. I can see why they're stockpiling. Because it's their preferred. It's almost like someone saying to you like, oh, we've got no meat, so just like have something else

and you'll just get used to it. Like just have some veggies that taste like meat and you'll get used to it. What? This is, no, I'm saying that Coke Zero. What vegetable tastes like meat? Um Mushrooms

They don't taste like meat They do No they do You're not eating the right meat I'm just trying to do it It was a bad It was a bad analogy Caitlin But you tried

Well I'm just saying That Coke Zero Is very important to some people Right Including myself And would you stockpile Yes Shivers yes

I might start doing it now I tried stockpiling Caramilk a few months ago. How's that going? It's all gone. That's what I find. If you've stockpiled something, you just... You're just going to eat it. Eat more of it.

It was like when we, my wife and I were like, you know, we've got this wine rack now. We should really try doing that thing. We order a box of wine. Christ, we drank a lot of wine and then we had no wine. The wine was gone. I was like, that was a terrible idea. We saw, oh, it's filled with other stuff now. Just not wine.

Just other bottles and stuff. You put olive oil and stuff in there so you look flash, but Right. Yeah, if you've got it there, you just eat it and drink it so much more. Because you open the pantry and it's just staring at you. So you're like, well, I better eat it. Have you ever stockpiled anything? Yeah, I think

there was a short of chips and I'm obsessed with salt and vinegar chips. Like, I've got to have them when I'm hungover. It's the only thing that cures me. And then like sometimes just like first thing in the morning, last thing at night, in the middle of the day, like you've just got to have them.

You have salt and vinegar chips before you come to work sometimes. Well, depends what mood I'm in. It's madness. They're so good though. They are great. That was the great potato shortage. Yeah.

Of 2017. I don't know if they were running out of them. No, it was the start of 2017, I think, the great potato shortage. I just decided I needed to stockpile on them, but then I just ate them all anyway. And I don't even think they were running out of them,

so I just keep buying more. Yeah, you're just stockpiling, but they're like, I thought there was going to be a shortage. A crisis averted. Oh, well, I'll eat the ones at home. I'll be back tomorrow. Because you've got to get them out of the house as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's diet starts when I've cleaned out the pantry by eating everything in it. So we want to know this morning what you've stockpiled. What you've seen maybe the end of, maybe a shortage was announced, maybe a limited time offer. Or maybe you were at the supermarket and there was an amazing deal

on one of your favourite foods. Yes. So you're like, well, I better stockpile this. Or you convinced yourself some sort of biblical type flood was coming so you needed to... You know, you're like,

well, I mean, these biscuits are on special. This is too good to say no to. And you never know when it's going to rain for 40 days and 40 nights. Only Jason Kerrison from Op Shop, who built his ark at the end of the world. He went sensible, though. I think he mostly went tinned.

Oh, yeah. Long life. UHT milk. Whatever happened to his ark that he built? Well, I don't think it was an ark as in like a floating boat sense. I think it was just an isolated off the grid. It's probably a lovely getaway at the weekends.

With all this tinfoil. Yeah. Slowly getting to his baked beans. As long as you like oak baked beans. Great spot. Give us a call, 0800-DARLS-AT-AIR, 9696. Whenever you stockpiled your favourite food, maybe because it was finishing,

it was end of line, or you just saw a special, you can text 9696. We want to know what you've stockpiled in the past and maybe currently stockpiling You're in the midst of a stockpile Your favourite food reports in Australia with the demise of Coke Zero

that people are snapping up whatever's left in stores and supermarkets Somebody said I've just stockp all my seasick tablets as they've stopped making them. We have a boat and go fishing all the time, but I get horribly sick without them. Seasick tablets.

They've stopped making them, so they've stopped all of them. Surely there'd be other people making seasick tablets? Maybe they've just found this one works best for them. See, I get seasick too. You know how I stop getting seasick? I don't go on boats. Unless it's a big boat. No time for a little boat.

Yeah. And fishing. No. It's not fun. For people, I'm speaking on behalf of people who get seasick. It's not fun. People are like,

oh, you just need to find the right pilot mate. Obviously, it's just rough driving. It's not the driving. It's when you sit still. Just constantly rocking. Yeah, right. Or there's those bands that press on your not the driving, it's when you sit still. Just constantly rocking. There's those bands that press on your Ah, bullshit. Oh, they're rubbish. Do you remember when all those sports people had that band?

The balance one, they're like, push me now. Now put my band on, push me again. And they'd be like, see, didn't fall over. That's just because you knew I was going to push you. Yeah. They proved that was all upstairs. It's all rubbish. It was all mental. Somebody said,

the time Marmite had a shortage. Many reports of this. Oh, yeah. The Marmite stockpiling. I went to boarding school and they had those little Marmite sachets and I used to grab a handful of them every breakfast. So when everybody else was short of Marmite,

there was no Marmite shortage for me. Somebody said that they had to stockpile, Nana actually stockpiled some Moscato. Now that's a very sweet wine, isn't it? Moscato. It is, yeah. On the scale of sweetness, that's right up there. She tasted it.

She's like, I like it. And so she bought 50 bottles. But she's not a drinker. She'll only drink, like have one drink at Christmas. So I was going to send it for the rest of the family to pop around and see Nana and have a glass of Moscato. Georgia, what have you stockpiled? I stockpiled the original shapes when they were changing them over to the new ones.

That's right. And then they did the 360 and changed it back, didn't they? Thank God. Like, honestly, nothing compares. And especially the cheese and bacon flavor. They're my absolute favorite. How many boxes did you buy? I basically

took the whole shelf, what was left at the supermarket. I don't know how many boxes that was. A lot. Georgia, how long did it take you to eat all of them? Not long, unfortunately. That's the thing, right? Once they're there, you eat more of them. I know, like, I

used to live in America, and mum would literally send me boxes of Shapes because they didn't have them there. It's just killing me. The Shapes mafia is a strong contingent, eh? Okay. They're always addicted. Georgia, thanks for your article.

Saransi, what have you stockpiled? I stockpiled chicken at the grocery store because they had the wrong labels on them. They had them for drumsticks, so they were real cheap, so I got heaps of them. So you just took all the chicken there and had an endless supply of chicken in the freezer?

Yeah, I did. It was great. That was smart. How much are we talking? How much was the price? Yeah, like what? Like $4, I think. That's good. $4 chicken? Yeah, like what? Like $4 I think. That's good. $4 chicken.

Yeah, okay. Do that. That's pretty good. Well done. That's good. I like that. Alright, thanks for your call. Pera, what did your mum stockpile? She stockpiled all the bird flu medicine when there was like nearly an outbreak. Was that Tammy

flu? Yeah. Wow. I've got some of that too. when there was nearly an outbreak. Was that Tammy Flu? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I've got some of that too. I remember that. And they'd sell all the masks and all the mums would be like, we've got to have masks

because everyone's going to be coughing on each other and we're going to die. And then nothing happened, did it? Nothing happened. Mum strangled the family cockatiel just in case it was a carrier. Threw it in the bin. Most of the day.

Shot all the pigeons. Mum went really commando on those birds there. Jessie, what did you stockpile? Plowman's bread. It's a limited edition out at the moment. Herb and garlic. And it's absolutely divine. Oh!

Herb and garlic. You didn't have me until you said herb and garlic. But you can't stockpile bread. You've got to put it in the freezer. Yeah, freeze it. Oh, I've lost it. I've lost it. It's pretty big. Right.

No, I lost it. That Plowman's bread, that's those big, thick cuts. Plowman's is big. Yeah. McKenzie Country's the big one. Oh, McKenzie. McKenzie Country. Mum and Dad get a McKenzie Country, but it's too big for their toaster.

But they refuse to go back to the smaller bread, but they also refuse to get a bigger toaster. Yeah, because I just go a medium-sized bread. You don't want to be thumbing your loaf. Yeah, and then it gets caught when it tries to eject it. It tries to pop it out for you, but it doesn't, and it holds it down and it continues to burn. Kind of touches the element and burns.

Not ploughman. Mackenzie Country need to do a toaster range as well. Specifically for... Just get a bigger toaster. That sounds hard. I want them to take care of it for me. Right, okay. Some other text messages in.

Somebody said, much like that other person, I have stockpiled seasick tablets. Couple of text messages in, actually. I didn't know that was a thing. I don't know. Someone said, we stockpiled Squiggles chocolate extreme biscuits. I got totally addicted to them. I

have over 20 packets still in the freezer and really practicing a lot of willpower to get through those slowly as I don't know if they'll ever come back. Somebody said eight blocks of caramilk. This is their current stockpiling. Okay. Eight blocks of caramilk, 20 bags of pineapple lumps before they were made in Australia.

And the same person said, if we even get a hint that Coke Zero is on the way out, there'll be some stockpiling of that too. Stockpiled tangy fruits just before they left. I bought 166 little plastic containers of tangy fruits. That's a few trips to the movies. That's the only time I ever ate tangy fruits. Yeah, my God. That's a few trips to the movies. That's the only time I ever ate tangy fruits. Yeah, you've got to eat them before they go off. Or you get a sore jaw.

The thing about tangy fruits, I don't think they'd go off, would they? Some things made of primarily sugar tend to have a long shelf life. Yeah. FEM. Just having a discussion in studio. Fletch is debating how much his memories are worth. Whereas I said, maybe differently, because so many pictures of my kids would be on there. But Fletch has had a computer issue and he's like, I don't know.

It seems a lot of money. I remember most of it now. So here's the problem. So I turned my computer on after work on Friday and I got this purple screen of death. That wasn't a purple screen of death. That was like full-blown... Like... Like Ebola for computers.

And so I worked out, like, it's about 10 years old, that computer, because we got ours about the same time, eh? Yes. Because I had some people going, oh, it's because it's a Mac. And I was like, do you show me a Windows computer that goes for 10 years without doing anything to it...

That's done the amount of ungodly things that your desktop's done. There's like riddled with viruses. Exactly. And it's only just now pooed itself. So I went, there's a place near my place that fixes them. And I was like, showed him the photo.

I was like, what's this? Because you're hoping to get like a freebie, you know? Yeah. And he straight away, he's like, oh, that's this? Because you're hoping to get like a freebie, you know? Yeah. And he straight away, he's like, oh, that's a graphics card. It's going to be like $700, $800 to fix that. And then even then, you're probably not going to be able to do a lot of video editing. Oh, wow. Oh, okay.

So it's an older computer. RIP computer. But there's some stuff and there's a lot of photos on there. You know when you dump your camera roll onto your computer and you're like, I'll sort that out later? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been doing that for like 10 gigs now. Yeah, I know, right?

And you never do sort out your photos. And it's just a heap of crap on there. So I haven't backed up for a while. It's been a long time. Yeah. So the guy at the computer store was like, if you give us a hard drive, we can dump your hard drive onto that for about $250.

Done. And I'm like, I don't know. How important are these photos? All the good ones made it to Facebook. Yeah. But that's what I'm thinking. You go on holiday, you don't put all your photos on Instagram or Facebook.

I don't put anything on Facebook anymore. Like all the hot people. I've got memories. I've got the memories to fill in the gaps at the moment. So I'm just wondering, is $250 worth it for all these memories? It's not really, is it? What if someone says to you, Hey, Fletch, remember when you went to that awesome place

and you saw that amazing thing? Or like, what was your favourite part of this place? And then you're like, oh, I'll just go back and look through my photos and I can show you stuff. And then you'll be like, oh. I can't. But I couldn't do that anyway unless they were at, you know, I was at home. Yeah, but you could send them a photo.

Yeah, I don't know. I just don't think it's worth it. What about Karen? I know there's a lot of photos of Karen on there. Oh, yeah, Karen. And like a baby Karen. You haven there's a lot of photos of Karen on there. Oh, yeah, Karen. And like a baby Karen. You haven't got lots of those photos.

Your baby photos. I've been, because I've been, the only thing I'm really worried about is I've been doing a compilation of Karen pushing things off tables. Oh, you've got to get it. Cute. And there's a folder on there of all the videos. So if I don't do this, I've lost all of those.

That could make you money. You could go viral with cats. That sounds tax deductible to me now that the cats are here. Right. That sounds like a company expense. A business expense. Totally.

You've just got to somehow attach an influencing brand to it when you post the picture of the cat. I could do a watch discount. Done. Also, it's $250 for memories. Yeah, come on, mate. Like, you don't...

Come on. Should we start a go-fund-a-pail? It's how much it costs me to feed my children every couple of weeks. They don't eat a lot. Yeah, what are you going to do

with that $250? Yeah, go on. Have some memories. I don't... Maybe. Yeah. Memories are important. I can't believe

we've almost talked him into spending $250. Nice. Do you have them? This is like when Indiana Jones switches the jewels for like a sack of rocks. And he's like, I've done it. And then the rock starts rolling behind him. Like, we're like, we've done it.

And nope, so he's just turned into a rolling rock now. You give me your card and I'll go do it. And then it won't be like you've done it, but you have. Yeah, it's like buying drinks drunk. It's like, did you really do it? Yeah. If somebody else spends the money. I know, get drunk and go do it. That you have. Yeah, it's like buying drinks drunk. It's like, did you really do it? Yeah. If somebody else spends the money. I know, get drunk and go do it.

That's an even better idea. As someone who likes going on dates, Caitlin, we thought we could help you out this morning by the top 10, a list has been released, top five for men and top five for women. Okay. Of what people get for a drink when they go on a date. Oh, this is good because I never know what to get.

Right. So this is what people got and what they generally agreed were acceptable. Okay. Because here's a point as well. Do you expect the guy to pay? See, I'm going to get told off for this. If Megan was here, she'd tell me off no I will offer to pay but I like it

if the guy's like oh no I'll get this one because I'm like quite traditional in the fact that I like you know I want them to ask me on a date Megan only makes a stand on that because when she started dating Toyboy he was 17 years old and he had no money and she's not here to defend herself because the first thing she'd say

He was 18 Well We'll let the court of law decide that He wasn't 17 But then If it comes to like Numerous amounts of drinks I want to be able to pay for some

But if he can like Buy the first drink Then I'm like Okay But what if the first drink's a cocktail That's expensive So maybe this Kind of

List will be influenced by that Because would you want someone Buying you a cocktail? That's expensive. So maybe this kind of list will be influenced by that. Because would you want someone buying you a cocktail or would you rather be like, well, if they're paying, I'll just get a house wine? Yeah, if they were paying, I'd definitely not get a cocktail. The top five for women, there's only one cocktail in it. Okay. In fact, the top 10's only got three cocktails for women,

but they're all like the three at the bottom. So eight, nine, ten, there's only one in the top five. So at five, 25% of people said a tea. I'm imagining this is a day, this is a day date. What?

This is a let's meet up for coffee date. Okay. Because if we went to a bar and they ordered a tea, unless it's a Long Island iced tea. Yeah. But then that's two polar ends,

like tea's like, okay, they're just looking to have a tea and get out. Yeah. But if it's a Long ends. Like tea's like, okay, they're just looking to have a tea and get out. Yeah. But if it's a long and iced tea, you're like,

oh, heck, okay. I think we're about to get married. You've got good control of your nerves if you're just having a tea. Yeah. Yeah.

And also like, I'm going to judge you on how you make your tea because I'm very picky with tea. No, they don't make the tea. No, I know, but how long

they brew it for. You're probably at Robert Harris. How much milk they... Or muffin break. When you order a tea, the tea comes to them. No, I know, but how long they brew it for. You're probably at Robert Harris. How much milk do you... Or muffin break. When you order a tea, having... I don't think I've ever ordered a tea at a cafe. Do they bring it to you with the tea bag already in the water?

So, no. Yes, or with the tea leaves, but then you pour it yourself because it comes in a pot, so you pour it with the milk. But if you pour it too soon, then it's not strong enough. Yeah, that's very true. So you've got to wait. So the fourth is coffee, about equal with tea. Then third and a step up and the only cocktail in the top five for drinks that women feel

comfortable drinking when they're on a date, margaritas. Oh, okay. Margaritas. I think margaritas, of all the cocktails, they say it's fun. Yeah. Yeah, because it's quite strong in alcohol probably so it just goes in a little. I'm surprised Cosmo's not in the mix. Mind you, we're

a few years from Sex and the City because it's not anymore, right? That was a real Carrie. I would never go out and be like, I'll have a Cosmo. Surprisingly, and at number two, beer. 32% of women would get and think it's a good idea to have a beer on the first day. It's belchy and bloaty. Yeah, but I guess you're trying to like, because they might get a beer, the boys would get and think it's a good idea to have a beer on the first date. No, it's belchy and bloaty.

Yeah, but I guess you're trying to like, because they might get a beer, the boys would get a beer, so you just like match them. Just have what they're having. Right. And wine is number one, 62% of people save wine. So I'm doing dry July at the moment because I'm just trying not to drink because it's my birthday next month, so I'm just going to have a blowout. And so I was thinking if I go on a date, I'm going to have to go there first and order a

like lemonade and pretend it's a vodka lemon soda yeah or you get because I don't want to be like oh yeah hi it's just awkward

like I should be like oh yeah no I'm doing dry July but then I don't want them to think I've got a drinking problem and I have to do dry July

dry July's a good talking point it's a good talker it's like you reckon you could do it it's a good start it's a good someone it's a good thing to talk about they're not going to think you could do it? It's a good start. It's a good someone. It's a good thing to talk about.

They're not going to think you've got a problem. I know, I know, but I'm usually drinking. It's just this one month that I've decided not to. You've only got a week to go. You've made it this far. I don't think you've got a problem. Yeah. You're not the least bit of a person doing Dr. Light.

What about the guys list? So the guys is pretty much the same, but it's in a slightly different order. Tea is at 21%. That's fifth. Yep. Margarita is at fourth. So they were third on the other list, as you may recall. Coffee at 26%.

Wine at 41% and beer at 62%. So the top five are the same. So if you stuck to those top five, it's a day you go for a tea or a coffee and then your margarita, wine or beer, for either gender, those are the top five just in a slightly different order

of the go-to drinks. Because if you're ordering like a mochaccino. Let's not forget, and I know we bring it up a lot, but All Blacks captain. Yeah, no, I know. Kieran Reid. But then I'm going to want one of the marshmallows. I'm sure they'd ship you marshmallows.

I'm sure they would, yeah. That's actually a good test as well. All right. FBM. If you have got tattoos, here's some good... Well, you could take this news either way. It could be good news or it could be bad news. Tattooed skin sweats half as much as what the article I read described as pristine skin.

Pristine areas. What? It sweats half as much. That's so odd. So if you're exercising, if you had like a full sleeve, your arm would be warmer because it's not sweating as much

to cool the body down because you sweat and then the sweat sits on the top of the skin and then the air cools the skin. I didn't even know that was a thing. So without the sweat, the tattoo,

the skin doesn't get as cool because it's only sweating half as much can it not come out of the tattoo or something I don't know exactly how it stops it

maybe maybe yeah can't get through I should do that because I've got as you know Vaughn I've got really sweaty wrists

I get sweaty wrists and when I work out I get like lots of like sweat bubbles just along my wrist, but nowhere else, just there. Well, you could get a couple of cool wrist tattoos. I could get some cool half sleeves.

That would look cool, eh? Can you get just white tattoos so you can't really see them? Oh yeah, those glow-in-the-dark ones. No, I can't. Mum's listening. Mum, I'm not going to get a tattoo. I'm not allowed. I'll be cut out of the family

What a white tattoo No that It's like you're sweating Yeah so it keeps you warmer Because you know A lot of people get The sweaty armpits Yeah

And get Botox Yeah Some people get Botox Could you get a tattoo That would be the worst place To get a tattoo Not that I've ever had one But why would you get

Tattooed under your armpit Just like here Yeah No get like a mouth And armpit? Just like hair. No, get like a mouth and be like, hello. Sounds like talking. Yeah, like teeth, hair. Yeah.

And that's the tongue and the... I'm going to eat you. And then when you're at the gym going like that, it looks like a monster's under your armpit. Yeah. And that's a possibility. All these things, sure. A weird one. But yeah, if you've got tattoos, you sweat half as...

Wouldn't people know that already? Is this a study that's just revealed this? No, I mean, it's not ultimately new news. Right. People with tattoos have been saying it for a long time. But yeah, they've just studied the effects of tattoos on sweat rates. And also like salt concentration in the sweat. So yeah, you sweat less and less salt comes out. Sweat rates. And also like salt concentration in the sweat.

So yeah, you sweat less and less salt comes out. It's great news if you want to retain salt. Or you've got a cat that always wants to lick you. Lick you. Oh, yeah. You come home from somewhere and the dog comes up and licks you. And you're like, that's yuck. For both of us. Yeah, it is.

You're licking me. I'm being licked. This is, both ways, this is gross. But you're tired, so you don't want to move and you're already on the floor so you just let the dog lick you clean. FEM. Well, I famously drive a car that

I don't look after very well. No. I just got it back from the panel beaters. The Honda Accord, did you? After that guy crashed into me and then I backed into someone and then I backed into a bollard. Actually, it went bollard, guy crashed into me, I backed into someone. Did insurance fix all of your ones or just his one that he caused? Well, the thing was, when I backed into the guy after the guy crashed into me, I did no additional damage to my car.

Right. It was all damage acquired through the guy who crashed into me. Right. So it's all covered. But for ages, despite the fact that the bumper was not on properly, when I drive, I kept having to thump it to get the radio to work. Yeah. Which is, it's important that you listen to the radio.

A hundred percent. Because we wouldn't have a job. Well, that's true. That's true. That's true. Yeah. This is why you must listen to our show. Otherwise, we'll be fired.

Mostly, I just, when I'm driving home from work, listen to Leighton Smith and laugh about how old people will be no longer with us soon. And that could be good in some people's cases. Well, no, some of them are racist. Oh, those ones can go, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm talking about.

Not just old people on a whole. There's some lovely old people out there. It really is a self-correcting problem. Old racists. It is. Eventually they die. Yeah. Hopefully they haven't passed on the racism.

But more often than not, they do. So for ages, I have to whack it and thump it. Thump, thump, thump. And it'll get it and I'll be like, that's good. And then the next time I get in the car, it's crackling again, so I thump it again. The last time I was in your car you thumped it so hard

it stopped working. Yeah. Completely didn't even get static. Well, I'd had enough. Okay. When I got it back I'm like,

ooh, you're shiny looking from the back. Still a bit raggedy ass from all the other angles but you're shiny from the back. Okay. Much like me. From the back

the bump is the Okay. The bump is the good spot. Right. So, I think I'm going to do this. From the back The bump is the Okay The bump is the good spot Yeah Right So I think I'm gonna do this I'm gonna find out

What the problem is Okay So I consult my friend Who's been doing car stereos Which is forever and ever And he just said Just look on YouTube Type in the kind of car

You've got And put like Stereo removal Well I did And there was all these videos On how to do it yeah so i armed myself with a screwdriver and 25 minutes later i had wires everywhere what a lot of fun that was you are gonna be that car on the side of the motorway that catches on fire i didn't tell

her what i was doing but when i've been in the garage for a while, she came out. She said, what are you doing? Oh, what have you done? Because the whole center console was like out and hanging and there was wires everywhere. And I found the problem. Yeah. The band expander.

Yeah. The wires were like barely touching. So every time I whacked it, it would make it fall down and touch. But then when you slam the door, it would untouch. Oh, right. So it was just,

this wire was just touching. Did you electrocute yourself at all? I got a couple of little tingles, but nothing when you slammed the door it would untouch. Oh, right. The wire was just touching. Did you electrocute yourself at all? I got a couple of little tingles but nothing major. Oh my god. It's just so bad. Because I had to leave the car on because I had to know when the stereo was working. Oh my god. And then I found this other thing you'll remember my car got broken into

and they stole an essential part of my Bluetooth kit so that's just been rendered useless. So I just started pulling wires and managed to pull all that stuff out that I didn't need anymore. But then I found this one thing that looked like a headphone jack. I plugged that in and then plugged it into my phone. And I was like, ha, that works.

So I'm like, right, I'm going to run this cord out here and you should see it. I'll show you after work. You're so jazzed out with your face. I was so excited. And so then I had it all working. Yeah. And I pushed it you after work. You're so jazzed out with your face. I was so excited. And so then I had it all working. Yeah. And I pushed it all back in.

This is my very, because it was packed in there. I just pushed it in as hard as I could and then pushed something on and then tightened a couple of screws and click, click, click. Bingo. And it worked. It's done. And you got to work okay today. Perfectly.

And I can even plug my phone in and listen to my phone through the stereo. Why would you do that? Don't tell people how to not listen to the radio. I listen to, like, my phone through the stereo. Why would you do that? Don't tell people how to not listen to the radio. I listen to the radio on iHeartRadio. Good, good. iHeartRadio. That thing. Okay, good.

Just because there's a couple of, you know, dead spots for a section on the way home. And I don't want to miss a minute of what's happening on the radio. But you can actually talk to, because I've got that as well, you can talk to people through that. Yeah, yeah. And then you can hear them on the big speakers in the car. Right. So you're all from YouTube? All from YouTube. Wow. Yes. So they have your exact car,

everything with the same. You'll find anything on there. It amazes me the lengths that people go to just to make an instructional video and it might have like a thousand likes. Yeah. It's amazing. I know one of these ones had like a hundred thousand views. I'm like, how many people with Honda Accords have wanted to pull out Mysterio?

People are so helpful in their spare time. I know, for nothing. But people can make quite a bit of money off those. They can make heaps and heaps. Like the Photoshop tutorials and stuff. I know, just get heaps and heaps. Well, that just saved you a lot of money, didn't it? Yeah. So far, no fire.

Until your car burns down and catches on fire. There were some wires that I didn't know what they did. And I like pulled one out and everything stopped working. So I reconnected it and everything was working again. I was like, you're a very crucial wire, Mr. Green. So Mr. Green got left alone. Mr. Brown was like, cut. Still working.

Oh my God. Yellow. Still working. God. Do people that fix that fix airplanes they have more ideas than you no i reckon i could get a plane going again oh really right and there's something about through the generations my family have just been great tinkerers we just play with things till they work and then push them back in and tighten some screws could we uh take some calls now now that we are a generation of YouTube and fix-it-yourselfers. DIYs. Like, what have you done after watching a YouTube tutorial?

Like, what have you taught yourself to do? And maybe it was something that before YouTube, before you even thought about searching a video, you would have had to pay someone hundreds of dollars to do. To come around and sort out. Well, this guy that I was watching on this YouTube video, he was like, oh, and now do this. So I did it. And then he literally said,

careful because you could hurt yourself at this part. And I had. Because it was like you pushed it and you pulled it, but when it gave, you smacked your arm on another part. And it's exactly, he's like, careful because this could happen. And as he said it, it had happened. I was like, this guy's good. He even knows when I'm going to hurt

myself. Alright, 0800 you can text 9696. What have you taught yourself to do from a YouTube tutorial? At the weekend, you may have seen Vaughan's Instagram story. You rewired your car Vaughan, your car stereo. Yeah. Well, I just reconnected

the, uh... I don't know. The wires. What is it? When it came in on a power thing, there was a fuse. One of those was blown. But it turns out I don't even know what that one was for, so it got huffed. Oh, my God.

How much did you take out of your car? I've got a photo of how much I took out of my car. Do you ever think when you Instagram story things, and I do sometimes, is this voiding my insurance? Oh, I don't know. Surely not. You know when we talk about things on the radio, like do you think sometimes,

is this voiding my insurance? Like rewiring your car, Vaughn? Oh, that's a very good question. It's a very good question. Oh, heaps of stuff. There was a pile of wires and bits and pieces on the ground. But surely they were there for a reason. No, because they were there.

Most of them, I think, were the Bluetooth thing. But they got stolen and it registered itself useless. So that all got ripped out. So we want to know what you've taught yourself from a YouTube tutorial, because that's what you did it with. Yeah, it was all off YouTube. Some text messages. I'm a 54-year-old female and proudly taught myself

to change the brake pads on a Suzuki Swift, a Mazda, and a Land Cruiser, all thanks to YouTube. And I'm about to replace the CV joints on the Suzuki as well. I don't even know what that is. The ones I remember when I used to do burnouts in the first car I had, they always used to say to my dad, he's been doing burnouts again because the CV joints are gone. They'll be like, Dad, I haven't been doing burnouts.

So Hamilton sometimes. Amy, what did you teach yourself to do from YouTube? I taught myself how to tile my bathroom. Wow. That's waterproofing and tiling in a bathroom, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, it wasn't too hard. Wait, did you do the waterproofing?

Oh, is that sorry? Did you do waterproofing? Yeah. Oh, okay, good. Doesn't sound like you did. You don't sound confident there. I know. It's all watertight and using, so, good. Doesn't sound like you did. You don't sound confident there. I know. It's all watertight and using, so.

Wow. Nice one. And is it, like, perfect? Are the tiles perfect? Yeah, it's pretty level, pretty perfect. You can't tell that I did it, so. Wow, that's awesome. I don't have the, I, even my tiles in my bathroom,

I can see the odd little unevenness or the odd little weird joint. And I'm like, if that was me, I just couldn't sleep until that was perfectly level. Yeah. I don't know if that's OCD or something. And then you can't help but spot it every time you see it. I know, and then I'm like, God, I did that. It's uneven.

Yeah, it would bug me too much. The thing I find, though, when you start getting paid for something and when it's your job Yeah, it would bug me too much. The thing I find, though, when you start getting paid for something and when it's your job, you stop caring about it as much. If it's someone else's. That's why people are like, can you come around and fix my band expense?

I was like, nah. I'll pay you. Jessie, what did you teach yourself from YouTube? Jessie's gone. Rebecca, what did you teach yourself from YouTube? Hi I taught myself how to fix

my washing machine motor Oh the motor Now did it need a new motor or did it just need to be fixed? It just needed to be fixed it had a part

I just watched the YouTube tutorial and it said it was a common problem and so I kind of pulled it apart I pulled the motor out of the washing machine

pulled it apart realised that that was the thing that was broken. So I ordered a part off Trade Me. And then it came and I attached it all and put it back together and it worked. That's amazing. That's amazing. Very nice. Remember your dryer had that thing where it goes through a loud horn?

Yeah. I've got the same thing now. Do you reckon I could fix it? We've got same thing now. Do you reckon I could fix it? We've got the same dryer. Do you reckon I could fix that? They know it's a problem, so they'll come and fix it for nothing. Fisher and Payne call.

That's a problem. Will they? It's a recognised issue. Huh. Well, it didn't cost us anything. Oh, okay. I was going to say I could do it myself. You could do it yourself.

But if it's free, I'll just ring them. Well, that might be outside of warranty. Thanks. Oh, it probably is. Will they not do it for free? That's our warranty. YouTube it is. I'll not do it for free? That's our warranty. YouTube it is. I'll tell you more

about warranties off air. Okay. Thanks. This is one of those conversations the boss talks about being boring for everyone listening but we're having fun.

I was having fun. Talking about warranties. Me too. Me too. My husband went duck shooting reads this text message and I taught myself

how to fillet a duck to butcher a duck, get the duck breast off without having to gut it I imagine that video starts at somewhat of a gruesome scene of having to I know, what about their faces? Because like, ducks are cute and their little beaks, do you just have to

cover it with a towel and then just go into the Shh, shh, shh You put a hand camera, it's basically like shh, shh Do you just have to like cover it with a towel and then just go into the... Yeah. Oh. Shh, shh, shh, shh. You put a hand cap on his face. Shh, shh, shh. Don't look at me. Don't look at me while I'm butchering you.

Stop it. Stop it. She said, even though I did it textbook perfect, duck tastes disgusting never again. All that effort. For nothing. Some other text messages in. My fridge door has been opening on the wrong side for the last two years. Oh, no.

You can make your fridge door go on any side. That's why those things are on the top. The screw holes. You just swap doors. They can always interchange. Hang on a minute. If you were a singing girl. You have to flip it upside down.

No. You used to be able to do that, but then, of course, if it was a fridge freezer, the freezer would then be. Yeah, most doors you can bisexual. Really? Yeah. You can just change them. They used to be able to do that, but then, of course, if it was a fridge freezer, the freezer would then be... Yeah, most doors you can bisexual. Really? Yeah, you can just change them.

Put the hinge on the other side, a lot of them. But what makes it the wrong way? I don't get it. Well, if you wanted to open it one way. You might have a wall or a door and you might open it onto the door rather than make it all go to the other way. But they taught themselves to do that on YouTube. They were just like, I wonder if this is possible. Google, Google, Google, Google. Google, Google, Google, Google.

Yeah. Google, Google, Google. And got it done. My husband taught himself to drive a digger by watching a YouTube tutorial. I mean, you've got to have a digger on hand. I don't know who has a digger but doesn't have a digger license. Step one, get a digger. It seems you've done that around the wrong way.

I replaced the toilet after watching a YouTube video. Just looked how to do it. It's actually pretty easy. A whole I replaced the toilet after watching a YouTube video. Just looked how to do it. It's actually pretty easy. A whole toilet or the toilet seat. But that seems like one of those ones then later if something happens

with water that the insurance company is going to be like, who fitted your toilet? And you'll be like, did it myself. And they're like, oh, we're not paying.

Yeah, true. You want it done properly, don't you? Somebody else said they taught this, the 12-year-old taught themselves how to drive a digger. How hard is it?

You've done a digger It's not It's not easy But it's not Like I mean kids love diggers Kids are Yeah

Two things They might be thinking That one That's two dollars In the sand pit And you just That's probably how They taught themselves

I fixed my Macbook hinge That seems like A very handy thing I taught myself To do cake decorating. No formal training. YouTube taught me everything.

Now it's my business. I make cakes for a living. That's the thing. If you don't need like a qualification, yeah, go for it. Teach yourself. All right, fact of the day is next. I'm going to mention there's a few ragged ass looking cakes

on the way to the perfect cake, but do it. Megan away sick today. No voice. Producer Caitlin in Megan's seat. And before we do the fact of the day cake, but do it. Megan away sick today. No voice. Producer Caitlin in Megan's seat. And before we do the fact of the day jingle, do we want Caitlin to do it? Are you comfortable to do this? Yes, I have done it before.

Okay. And I'm very good at singing. Okay, well if it sounds a little off, it's... That'll be why. Hang on. Do I go... Do you want me to do a high bit? I'll go high. No, just do normal. Just normal singing. But's better to be where I am. Do you, hang on. Do I go, do you want me to do a high part? I'll go higher. No, just do normal. Or just normal singing.

Follow the feeling. But I thought we were doing, okay. Harmonies. Harmonies again. All right, it's time for Fact of the Day, Day, Day, Day, Day. Today's Fact of the Day, Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- Oh, pardon? Caitlin is the Irish take on the name Kathleen. And the Irish pronounce Caitlin like Kathleen. You know how Irish names always look different?

Yeah. You know how Neve, if Neve is spelled N-I-A-M-H, and I always call them Niamh, and they're like, no, it's Niamh and I'm like, not in my dictionary. And that girl who's in the movies and was in the movie Ladybug, Ladybird, Saoirse. Saoirse, yeah. Correct.

Just had Saoirse in the air, but I always say it's Saracen, Saracy. Right, okay. It's not, it's Saoirse. And Caitlin is one of these names. Caitlin looks like Caitlin. No, but that's only because Australians went crazy with it. Did they? Yeah, Australians and also New Zealanders and Americans,

but to a lesser extent. But Australia really was the first outside of Ireland to go with the name Caitlin and just said, oh, we're just going to say it how it looks. Caitlin. Caitlin. But it's actually closer to Kathleen. Kathleen.

Yeah. It's Kathleen, but with a really thick Irish accent. What do you say? Kathleen. Kathleen. Kathleen. Because you know how the H's disappear a bit and they're really Irish.

Hey, she's a good girl. That's Caitlin. Kathleen. Kathleen. Are we going to have to start calling's Caitlin. Kate. Kathleen. Kathleen. Are we going to have to start calling producer Caitlin producer Kat?

Kathy? Kathy. I'm thinking Kathy. Kathy. Kathy, how are you? It sounds like she loves a durry. Guys, it's Kathleen

and the producers. No, but my mum named me Caitlin because she wanted to spice up Kate. That's the reason why. Well, I guess they both have the original form of Catherine. Kate comes from Catherine.

And Kathleen lent itself to Irish. I'm going to start calling you Producer Kathy. I don't like it. But it's like Sean. You know how the Irish spell Sean, Seen? Yeah, there's a whole bunch of Irish names where they pronounce them all crazy. So what you're saying is that Caitlin is culturally appropriate. It's cultural appropriation of an Irish name.

Right. Correct. So if you want to, like, you know, not be a racist, you're not allowed to call yourself Caitlin anymore. Kathleen Merritt. Do I have to change my Instagram name? Yeah, to Kathleen. Well, no, because it's still spelt the same.

Oh, but... It's spelt the same way you spelt it, but pronunciation is Kathleen. Can you say it in the Irish accent again? Kathleen. She's a good girl, Kathleen. Yeah. It's just been Irish. Yeah.

So today's fact of the day is if you have a friend called Caitlin, their name's actually Kathleen. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. International Film Fest is happening. Chance to go and see films that wouldn't usually get a theatrical release in New Zealand. Yeah. And, you know, just a different sort of film, not your box office smash. Some culture. Some culture.

Yeah. Look at life. And, Caitlin, you took it upon yourself to head along to one of these movies, these films. So my flatmate and I, Ellie, we are huge true crime fans. So we love listening to My Favourite Murder. We love reading all the books and we love watching the films. And we were like, Saturday night, you know, we're not going to go out drinking.

We're going to be cultured and go see a true crime documentary. How did that go for you? Ellie and I both slept through the whole movie. And can't remember what happened. So it was like a two and a half hour documentary. What was it about? So it's about the Clutter family murders. It's called Cold Blooded, the Clutter family murders.

The Clutter family? Yeah. Don't ask me where they were or what they did. Cluttery. Or. It's called Cold Blooded. The Clutter Family Murders. The Clutter Family. Yeah. Don't ask me where they were or what they did. Cluttery. Or was that their last name? No, Clutter. Their last name is Clutter. Mr. and Mrs. Clutter.

Yes. Was this in New Zealand? No. No, overseas. I don't know because I didn't see it. She knows that. She knows the family names. A lot of people were killed and that's where her knowledge.

It was really good, but they could have done it within probably like 20 minutes because we knew. That's how movies work, Caitlin. You tell a story. You build up the drama. But they were talking a lot about a book that this guy wrote about the murders. And like, we didn't know that it was going to be about the book. Right. Was it expensive?

It was like $17, $18. What a waste. Yeah. So Ellie and I, because we were like, Ellie was really tired. I wasn't tired. I had no excuse. I don't know why I fell asleep. And so I had to keep nudging her to wake her up when she fell asleep.

And then I'd just fall asleep. And we were both just falling asleep on the side. And then we'd only get woken up because people would be like, oh, my goodness what an important plot point. I hate to have missed that. So you can say that you've gone to the film festival.

Yes. Just not that you've really seen a movie yet. I was cultured. But I also had a great refreshing nap. Because I went to the International Film Festival yesterday. I saw a documentary about a family. Now, typical sort of nuclear family, mum, dad, daughter, son, son. And they have superpowers.

Okay. Yeah, incredible, incredible family. And it's just kind of them dealing with it because superheroes have been made illegal. I believe this was the second in this series of a documentary. You didn't go to The Incredibles 2, did you? Yes, I did. Very cultured.

Very cultured. That's not part of the film festival, Warren. Isn't it though? No. Because it was an international film being shown in New Zealand. In a festival type atmosphere.

I feel like I took part in it. Yeah. Yeah. That's cheap. Great movie though. No one fell asleep in it. Yeah. Yeah. That's cheap. Great movie though. No one fell asleep in it. Yeah, I probably wouldn't have fallen asleep in that. Jack Jack.

Absolute hero. He's the little one. He's the baby. Him fighting the raccoon. That's all I'll say, but it's one of the greatest scenes in animated movie history. Been reading a column from a sex expert who's missing a trick by not just calling themselves sexpert. Oh, yeah, shutting it down, yeah.

Yeah, that's great. That's the amalgamation of two words to make a better word. What makes you a sex expert? Like, is that, did she go to uni and get a degree for that? Well, there'd be a few people that had come out of uni the other end of the book. Sex expertise. Yeah.

And then other ones like me who really not. No idea. No, came out. You focused on study. Yeah. Well, you've got two kids. You did something. Something must have happened.

Yeah, something, right? At some stage. C's get degrees and something else gets O's. I don't know. That's again why I'm no expert. But this sex expert Sexpert Has said within three dates

You should be able to find out Everything you need to know Whether or not this person's Going to be for you or not Okay I'd be interested Because you, Caitlin One date and you know

I know But then I'm also saying Like this list also comes from If you're a completely normal person Right Are you referring to me? No, I consider you very normal.

You've got no delusions of grandeur and you're not like a horrendous racist and you're not like stuck in the past and non-progressive and stuff. So I like to think this comes from a normal person. Yeah. If you are identifying this in yourself, then you're the problem.

You know what I mean? Yeah. So too much drama. And you'll be able to find out in the first few dates if there's too much drama. You know, you can spot drama a mile off. Yep. I'm the one with drama. I don't need that in my life as well.

Like, I don't need them to have drama. Right. Oh, wait. I should be taking this on to better myself, too. As to better yourself, yeah, too. There's a problem with the ex. If they're always, well, for a start, they've talked about them, but then they're always saying it was their fault.

Oh, that's a huge red flag. Just anyone even talking about their ex. I've had, like, boys just bad mouth their exes, like, in front of me. Like, they think it's, like, making them look cool or something. You know, they'll, like, just say horrible things. I'm like, that doesn't make you a better person, mate. Like stop. That's horrible.

Baby, you like when I bad mouth my ex? Because I could be bad mouthing you one day. Yeah. No. For the unorganised, as to see how organised they are, it'll only take a couple of dates to really flush out if they're going to be late, if they have no sort of plans, if they're texting you saying, oh, what did you want to do?

Nah, can't be bothered with that. You can judge your level of organisation on what you expect from people. This is why you can never be single. You'd never turn up for dates. You'd be half an hour late. Who would? I'd be like, yeah, come to my house. They'd be like, no, that's creepy.

I'm not going to a stranger's house. I'd be like, sweet, I was going to go to bed anyway. See you later. Because I'm replacing Fortnite with the boys. Drop in. I don't know. Maybe they could join the squad're replacing Fortnite with the boys. Drop in. I don't know. Maybe they could join the squad. Get to know the boys as well.

Maybe. Oh, you're so lucky you're married. I know. They've got mummy issues. Again, this is one of those scales. If you're super close

with your parents and you want them to be closer to your parents, this is the sort of thing that will flush them out. If they're a workaholic, so if you're at any stage in those first three dates,

your dates get bumped because it's due to work, which I understand people have busy lifestyles. Yeah. But you've got to be willing to then always be second to the workaholic. How controlling they are on those dates, those first three dates, if they're already showing signs of wanting to control.

Oh, yeah, like this is what we're ordering. Yeah, we're ordering this. If someone orders for me, I'm going to, like, stand up and leave. I'm going to take the food and then I'm going to go. What if it's, like,

a good platter? If it's a platter that we're going to share, that's fine. But if they're like, you're going to have the chicken and I'm going to have the steak, I'll be like, no, no, no.

That's not what happens. Get out. Okay. They drink too much on those dates? Oh, but that's fun. I mean, not too much. They don't vomit on me. Are but that's fun I mean not too much You're recognising a few things here Caitlin Yeah actually I'm a mummy's girl

I work a lot You like drama I love drama I do like to drink I'm the problem Too many stops and starts So if there's big gaps between dates Or periscoping

Yeah that's because you're getting with someone else Yeah stops and starts. So if there's big gaps between dates. Or periscoping. Or they don't feel, yeah, yeah, don't feel fully into it. Yeah, that's because they're getting with someone else. Yeah. Yeah. And if your friends

get a bad feel off them. Right. Oh, yeah. But then your friends could just be jealous. But if you're just telling them stuff about what this person did,

they're coming from a subjective point, aren't they? Yeah. If you're like, not thinking it's bad, but they did this, this, this, this, this.

Yeah. Well, yeah, sometimes you need like a second opinion. Yeah. Like a doctor. Don't go to your doctor to ask what he thinks of the boy or he or she thinks of the boy that you've been on two dates with because that's weird. That's another red flag. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Megan.

The podcast for more. Check out FBMZM on Facebook. New weekday, look the week out. ZM.