ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - July 26 2018

Episode Date: July 25, 2018

Fletch had his first game of Fortnite last night, How Do You Know and what did your friend copy?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. You can stay connected with free Wi-Fi, a gig a day, on the $19 Spark prepaid rollover pack. Enjoy. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. I saw photos of the Walk of Fame, the Donald Trump star. Oh, yeah. He really got in there. What did he do it with? A pickaxe.

Because it looked like a jackhammer. They must have really gone to town with the pickaxe. It's ruined it. Absolutely decimated. I hope some hippie lefty bails him out because that's a lot of money. $20,000 bail. How did they catch him? He had a giant

pickaxe. Oh yeah, they caught him doing it. They must have because the picture I saw had the pickaxe beside it. It'd be like, take the evidence. Oh no, running with a pickaxe would be hard. I'd dump the evidence. I would have done it in gloves. Right, okay.

With a pickaxe, I picked up from a store where I paid cash for it. Like a second hand store. I love when we discuss how we would do crimes better. Yeah, I just probably wouldn't have done it. Like that's just off the top of my head. Yeah, you really think things through, don't you? Yeah, yeah.

I would have waited for a busy day on Hollywood Boulevard so there was like a crowd I could disappear into and it would have taken longer for the police to get there. Or just done it at like three o'clock in the morning. Yeah, but then it's very busy with a lot of people around. And then you've got the cover of Darkness too. And a lot of tourists are all taking videos. Just, yeah, disappearing. I just still can't believe he's got a star.

You buy those, so that's the thing. People don't realise. Yeah. You've got to buy those. It's why people have them. What's it for? TV and... It's anything entertainment. Yeah, I don't know

what his is for. Oh, it must be for TV. It must be for Miss Universe. Oh, really? Or the... Apprentices. Apprentice, yeah. No, no, no,

he had it before. He would have had it before that, surely. You can't get it for Miss Universe. Yeah, because there's an entertainment thing and there's some weird actors,

some weird stars there. You're just like, how do they have one and other people don't? It's weird. It would have been his contribution to the entertainment industry. But again, like Fletch said, you have to fill out the paperwork and apply for it and then pay, what is it, $30,000? It was some phenomenal amount of money.

If he gets impeached ever, can we withdraw that for good and just be like, no. Just crank the whole thing out with a crowbar. And pull down all of the Trump Towers. Yeah. Sure. All right. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time.

All right, three news headlines for three stories that I've found online. Weird, unusual, quirky news stories. Vaughan and Megan, you must pick one of the following three headlines. You must. Headline one, woman's deadly purchase. Headline two, woman misses out on Employee of the Week award for three years straight. And headline three, backstreet boy caught in a web of lies.

An actual backstreet boy. Actual backstreet boy. Those are the headlines today. Backstreet's back. All right. No, it's a boy that was found in a backstreet. It's not like... No, it's an. Backstreet's back. All right. No, it's a boy that was found in a backstreet. It's not an... No, it's an actual backstreet boy.

AJ, Nick, Howie. Howie. Howie. Howie. You strapped-beard son of a bitch. Okay, just let me Google Howie D. What's he been up to? Oh, well, D, you're going to Google that story.

I want to know about how the woman missed out on the Employee of the Week. You want that one? Yeah, I'm glad. I've never really worked anywhere that has an Employee of the Week because every week I didn't get it, I'd be shitty that I didn't get it. Even though I would never have deserved it because there would always be somebody putting in more effort than me. Do McDonald's still do their Employee of the Week board

where they put your photo up? Do you remember those? No. Whereabouts in the McDonald's still do their Employee of the Week board where they put your photo up? Do you remember those? No. Whereabouts in the McDonald's were they displayed for public? Yeah, they displayed

and I never worked at McDonald's but I always thought I would not want to be the Employee of the Week and then like my after school job was working at McDonald's

and then like they put up my picture and I've got pimples and stuff. I'd be like, take it down. You submit the picture I'd be like, um, use my You submit the picture, I'd be like, use my Facebook profile.

No, because the photo was always them in their McDonald's uniform. Yeah, so they had to take it at work. So you'd be all greasy and stuff. I'd be like, I'll get my mum to take one at home and I'll give her the old filteroo and I'll send you guys a JPEG. Nice.

Alright, okay, well, for this story, we go to Sacramento now, California, where a DMV data operator it's been uncovered that she slept three hours a day at her desk for about three years.

Good girl. And the department failed to take any action against her. Right. Despite complaints from her colleagues, according to an audit that was released on Tuesday. Now, they have estimated, the auditor, that the employee, she misused 2,200 hours of work time between February 2014 and December 2017.

Wow. How was she sleeping? She still works for the DMV. They couldn't get rid of her? Well, no. So apparently they're just doing these reports on worker misconduct or of the DMV

or something like that. I guess because it's a government or a state department. or something like that. Right. Put some rakes because it's a government or a state department. Yeah. And, yeah, that was what was found. Can you imagine if you went in here and someone was having a snooze on the desk? Oh, they'd get woken up with a loud hailer. It would be on Instagram.

Yeah. It would be a funny story. And those, I don't, I've only ever seen the DMV in movies. It's like when you go to get your license, like the AA. But it's like a bank. Like, it's all like a line of tellers. It's all out in the open. But this must have been a back office job.

Must have been. Yeah, because you couldn't sleep, like, at the desk. She must have had her own office to shut the door and pop a snooze. But apparently, yeah, her workmates just would complain about her constantly. Oh, right, so they knew she was doing it. Yeah, they knew she was useless. You need to hide under the desk so no one, like, they look in and then you're just, complain about her constantly. Oh, right. So they knew she was doing it. Yeah, they knew she was useless. You need to hide under the desk so no one, like, they look in and then you're just, like, not there, but you're sleeping under the desk.

Yeah. I just popped out for a moment. I'd definitely find a way. She did it for three years. So, yeah, and obviously, no surprise, has not won the DMV Employee of the Week or the Month for the last three years. Well, that's a mistake. You think just they would have gone through everybody,

they were like, oh, we better give it to Sue this week. And Sue wins it. She's like, outrageous. Had some great naps this week. Thanks, everybody. FVM, the podcast. So you may have seen this on Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Kris Jenner has spoken about turning into a diamond when she dies.

And we're all like, ha ha ha, that's so funny. That would be cool. Well, in New Zealand now, it is an option. So what do they turn your ashes in? Do they compress it or something? Yeah. So you can make synthetic diamonds quicker, obviously, because you're simulating the situation.

You just compress the ashes and something happens. It's carbon, right? A cultivated. Highly pressurised. Yeah. Yeah. So they're called cultivated diamonds, which you can buy. Yeah.

And they do look like diamonds. Obviously, they're just cheaper because, I mean, it hasn't gone through thousands of years. These are to diamonds what are those salt, remember when you were a kid and you'd make that salty mixture and it would climb up the string? Yeah. And you'd call them crystals.

So these are to diamonds what those were to crystals. Right. Not quite, but look pretty. They look pretty legit. Look pretty good. You can still put it in something. So is the idea that you would then turn dead granddad, grandpa, mum or dad into a necklace?

A necklace. Yeah. Okay. And I think that's way cuter than like having a pot of ash on your mantelpiece or something. How big does the average human make? Well, you don't make a lot of ash, do you? No, and it all comes down to it,

there's not a heck, you could probably fit it in one of those like, um, you know, the Ziploc bags, there's a sandwich size. I think you'd

definitely fit in a sandwich. I'm pretty sure you would've fit my popper in a sandwich size. If you needed some more ash to make the diamond bigger,

could you just chuck in a couple of phone books into the coffin? I've always wondered when they burn you, is there like wood and stuff in there too? Manuka. It's like a wood-fired pizza.

You're a manuka-smoked salmon. Kindling and stuff to get it going? No, it's literally a gas furnace. Have you ever seen it? So is it just you? Because I was always like, out of that ash there's wood and paper and all that. I don't know.

The coffin goes through the thing, but they don't burn the coffin, eh? That seems a waste because those things cost a fortune. They burn the inside. The lining. The lining, yeah. Right, they pick the lining out. I'm pretty sure, yeah. Plop that down.

And then do you get the money back for the... Because sometimes you can get just the insert, eh? And use an outer shell. I can't remember. Because in this instance... Chuck me in a kitty. And if you can't be bothered weaving the flax, just like a fridge box or something.

A systeamer. No, because that's plastic. Oh, yeah. I'll really stink when you burn me if you systeamer me. Because in this instance, I think I'd rather be a little diamond rather than create a big, huge diamond. But then does that make an issue for, say, for example, a family?

Imagine the kids. Yeah. Who gets the diamond? That's what I was wondering with the size, But then does that make an issue for, say, for example, a family? Like, imagine the kids. Who gets the diamond? That's what I was wondering with the size, because if it makes a decent size, could you go one for each kid? Yeah. Those would be little diamonds. But then you can write it in your will, right?

Turn me into a diamond and give it to blah, blah, blah. Take me to cash converters. Yeah, see what you can get for me. See if they notice. Hold strong. I'm not going for under $1,500. I'm worth more. Imagine that and then mum's off in someone's engagement ring.

That would be hilarious. Oh, that's what she would have wanted. She had a great sense of humour. She would have been carted around on the ring finger of a stranger for the rest of her life. A man is left dumbfounded after he got a serious letter from the IRD. It's never fun getting one of those. No, it isn't. So he opened it and he's like, oh, my God, what have we got here?

What have we got here? And he had a bill from the IRD. So not a tax refund because that's what everybody's hoping for, eh? The IRD to be like, hey, we owe you some money. Yeah. They were like, hey, buddy, you owe us 0.01 cents. One cent or 0.1 of a cent. 0.01. Dollars.

Dollars. Oh, yeah, so one cent. This is how the decimal points works in dollars. Oh, that's 10 cents is 0.10. Zero is 10 cents. Yep. Okay. And then before the decimal point is dollars, and then anything on the other side of the decimal point,

you just say is cents. Now, anyone saying our education system isn't working is... I've got two-thirds of the show. One can't speak. One can't do basic math. They're wrong. It's working. It's great.

It's a great system. We all went to state schools. What are the teachers striking for? So they sent a physical letter to this man to say, you owe us one cent in GST. I've just had to Google because I haven't sent a letter for you. I'll send a courier package. But when's the last time anyone sent a letter?

I sent a letter. I sent my nan a birthday card. package. But when's the last time anyone's sent a letter? I sent a letter. I sent my nan a birthday card. Oh, that's pretty cute. How much did that cost? So I wanted to fast post it because, you know, truth be told, I'd left it a little late

and I wanted it to be there on her birthday. She lives rurally. So you've got to allow... A week. Three weeks. Yeah. And she gets every

third day delivery or something. Okay. So I'd really fluffed this up. Yeah. And my mum every third day delivery or something. Okay. So it really fluffed this up. Yep. And my mum said you better fast post it. There's no fast post anymore. It's all standard post.

Yeah, because you just curry it now, yeah. It was like a buck, a buck fifty. Well yeah, a medium envelope is a dollar twenty

and a large is two forty. Wow. Because I sent out thank you letters for our wedding and it cost me a small fortune. I was like, good lord why is it so expensive? Email people. Facebook message

to Megan. Thank you. You know people talk about where to put your money to, you know, get a good return on investment. Yep. Now if you could go back to the 1990s kids and buy official New Zealand Post prepaid envelopes that did not expire. Remember those?

They didn't expire. You'd buy the envelope and it was an expensive envelope but it included postage. You'd buy those back then. They were about 50 cents including the envelope. Now they're worth 120.

You've got a double increase there. For all the letters that you're sending. Well, no, you sell them to old people. Why don't you just tell the kids to go back in their time machine and buy Apple stocks? Start PayPal. Yeah, like of all the advice, buy prepaid postage. No, no, no, ignore these bloody techno savvy individuals over here.

Put your money in prepaid envelopes. The cost of postage is only going up. Sure, the demand's drastically decreasing as well. Oh yeah, that too. But you know, there'll always be someone

that needs to send their bill back to Mercury Power rather than just pay it online. Yeah. Even the paper they printed that on,

the cost of the paper. That's always the envelope. I remember this happened every time it's tax season and one of these gets sent out. I think it was a few years ago they worked out how much it costs, the time, the printing.

Surely they have in the system a cut-off, and below that they just void it. I've had a 64-cent one where I had to pay them 64 cents. See, there's no way they could get that to you for less than 64 cents. No. So just write it off. Yeah. Did you pay it?

Yeah. I was going to say, it's probably by now tripled into like thousands of dollars. They don't email you because it's an insignificant amount, but it still accrues the fees and you get notified when it hits five bucks. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. So here's something I didn't know. The Australian flag as we know it today with the Union Jack in the corner and then the Southern Cross with that extra beauty spot star.

Because our Southern Cross has only got four stars. This has got a beauty spot. And then the big Commonwealth star underneath, which is that seven-pointed star. Yep. They officially adopted that in 1903. Officially as their flag. The flag we use, the New Zealand flag, we officially adopted that

in 1902, in March. So about a year beforehand. However, we've been using it unofficially. I don't know how you unofficially use a flag. Since 1869. Whereas they'd only been using it since 1901 unofficially. So about

40 years before. In both ways, we've had our flag longer than Australia. Hence, yesterday, Winston Peters yelling at Australia over the fence to get a new flag. Just because, why not? You change yours. We shouldn't change ours. He's embarrassing, but he's not really wrong. He's not wrong.

No. So the top six ideas for a new Australian flag. These are just ideas I've just spitballed. Okay. And take any one of them. Again, you know, any of these ideas, take them and run with them. Okay. Number six, a bintang singlet.

Like, actually just a bintang singlet. That'd be great. You put the rope through the shouldery bits and you just hoist her up. Well, you wouldn't need to buy a flag. You'd just get out your singlet from when you're in Bali. Bali, yeah. And then every time everybody saw that flag, they'd be like oh shit, remember that time in Bali?

We should go again this weekend. We were only there last weekend. Yeah, but we're Australians. So true. We like going over there and just carrying on like bigger dickheads than we do at home. Number five on the list of the top six ideas for a new Australian flag. A flag

that's grey and like smoke and you look at it for a little bit longer and you can see the outline of a holding ute. And you look a little bit closer and you realise it's just doing a sex skid. Like a real sex skid and it's surrounded by smoke. You can see a like glow to the back

tyres. Sick. Number four on the list of the top six ideas for a new Australian flag. Two thin sheets of transparent plastic. Yep. Full of poisonous spiders and fire ants and termites. Mate, it just waves

up there and you can just see. All the snakes. It's full of all the poisonous stuff all the bad creepy crawlies you pretty only have to start with a few in each corner and give them some food and they'll populate and have a war

and then whoever wins gets to be the flag nice idea isn't it good use of otherwise terrifying creatures number three on the list is for the top six ideas for a new Australian flag,

is a beach towel. And on that white beach towel, there is a picture of Vegemite, Tim Tams, Bundaberg rum, Shapes, Cherry Ropes, Freddo Frogs and Smith's Crisps. Brilliant. All your good Australian yums. And I'll give you that.

Those are good Australian yums. They are. But I'm a Vegemite guy. It's a controversial side of the fence to sit on being a New Zealander, but so much better than Marmite. Don't start. Number two on the list of the top six ideas for an Australian flag. This one changes.

Or does it? Because every year, whoever wins the state of origin, their shirt gets hoisted up the flagpole. Oh, yeah. Because everyone loves a bit of state of out, their shirt gets hoisted up the flagpole. Oh, yeah. Because everyone loves a bit of state of art. They do, yeah. Except for Melbourne, Northern Territory, Western, Central.

They can deal with it. Yeah, I mean, they can learn to love it. Learn to love it. And the number one idea for a new Australian flag, because old mate Winston Peters, who's in charge at the moment, reckons they should change theirs, we shouldn't change ours.

It's just a big flying banner that says, nah, we're full, we don't want you, not welcome. Yeah, we appreciate the irony of the descendants of criminals who took a country off the people who already lived here, not wanting the same thing to happen to them, even though that's not what you're doing, refugees. That's quite a lot to put on a flagpole, that's it. It's quite a lot.

Yeah, well, it's one of those ones you see, what does that say, and you get closer for a look. Okay, so it really hits home. Yeah, and then it's one of those ones you see, what does that say? And you get closer for a look. Okay, so it really hits home. Yeah, and then there's a hard-hitting political statement in there. That's today's top six. This weekend, people are going to be moody, especially Aquariuses. Oh, here we go.

Aquarians. Why? Which is my husband. Oh, oh. Aquarian. Or whatever He's going to have to put up with that this weekend Because we are expecting a blood moon

So apparently it will make you Super moody Everybody Especially Aquarians Especially Aquarians So this Saturday You will be able to see the blood moon if you get up early So Because that's what it said early see the blood moon if you get up early.

Right, because that's what it said early. I was like, I'm not getting up early. Saturday's my... Will I still be moody if I recharge my salt lamp? Oh, I'm going to lick my salt lamp. Oh no, that's a salt block. That's for cows. So it will affect your serotonin It will affect your serotonin levels Which is like happiness right

It regulates your moods and stuff Plus there will be an increase of accidents Anxiety, depression, insomnia IBS, sexual activity IBS, this affects your irritable bowel syndrome Wait does it More or less sexual activity Well I'd imagine it would be less

Migraines, alcoholism And homicides more or less sexual activity? Well, I'd imagine it would be less because of the grumpiness. Migraines, alcoholism, and homicides. Well, this is great news for your birthday party this weekend, Megan. It's going down. Homicides. Sexual activity. IBS. Grumpiness.

Goodness me. All the hallmarks of a great party for you, Koreans. You might want to dial back the cheese platter If there's going to be irritable bowel No but there's irritable bowel syndrome Goes through the roof And then imagine the dreams you're going to have that night So it's an eclipse right

I don't know what a black moon is Other than it looks red Looks like orange in the sky But I don't know how it happens or anything It's an eclipse. Of what? The earth gets between the moon and the sun.

Of the heart? Yeah. Well, once upon a time, I was falling in love. Right. Now I'm only falling apart. Okay. What are you going to do?

Total eclipse of the heart. It's not on the next one. No, it's if you sing say? If you sing it. If you sing it. Yeah, from now on then I'll get a little bit. So, yeah, Wellington's going to see a total eclipse. Okay. But Auckland's going to see heart and moon.

Auckland, partial. Yep. So Wellington's in like the sweet spot. So what about right down south? I don't think they'll be the same as Auckland. I'll see partial. I think Wellington's in the moon sweet spot. Okay.

But if the Earth's getting in between the moon and the sun, what's eclipsing them? We're blocking because all the moon does is reflect light. It's like a mirror and we're getting in the way of it. Now, it's like when the sun goes down on the horizon, you know how dusk and dawn look red and yellow? Yeah. Because it's the scattered light.

You don't get full light. So it's like that. We're kind of dusking them rather than the horizon dusking us. Thank you. I'm not. I've just basically thought about it. I'm sure there's a far better explanation. Well, if you're into your horoscopes and you believe that,

that could explain some moods this weekend. Oh, especially with Mars in retrograde. Are you just making that up? No, that's actually happening as well. I read it before. So there's a new queen of Instagram. So before this person took over It was of course Beyonce

Now Beyonce took over from Selena Gomez She had the most liked photo with that It was a coke wasn't it? She was sipping a coke? Yeah Wait I thought it went coke Kendall Jenner with heart hair

Beyonce Or was it Kendall Jenner, Selena? Oh, God. Anyway. I love how we're discussing it like it's like Olympic records for the 100 metre sprints. Yeah. So Beyonce took the record from whoever it was with the pregnancy photo. Remember she had a veil on, flowers behind her.

She was like, I'm pregnant. And that was like the big announcement. And so, of course, people are going to always like an announcement photo like that. But when it's Beyonce and it wasn't quite an epic photo, of course that's going to get the likes. 6.4 million likes in the space of several hours. That was for the pregnancy one.

Then she beat her own title when she revealed the twins. So she put up another photo, flowers behind her, holding the babies. It was the big reveal. That got 7.8 million likes in the first 12 hours. Is everybody feeling pretty good when they get 100? When you put up a cool photo of a wharf and a lake?

Yeah. Yeah. Imagine your notifications. You'd have to turn it off. Your phone would die. You'd have to turn it off. Yeah. So that has now been beaten.

Now, I am shook because that's like twins. It's an epic photo. And the photo that has taken it, I mean, it's good and everything, but it's nothing on the Selena Gomez has taken it over. She's almost at 9 million likes. 8,978,999 likes at last look. Okay. And it is for her birthday.

So it's a picture of Selena. It's blurry too, which annoys me. I know. It wasn't a well-taken photo. I think the light's good because it's like dusk and she's on a boat with her friends and she's looking out into the distance. When I saw it, it said posted eight minutes ago.

The person in the background's in focus, not her. Yeah. I wonder who that person is. When I saw it, it said eight minutes ago and it already had half a million likes. Because I was like, half a million, how long has that been up for? And it said posted eight minutes ago. Yeah, but that's nuts. She's got 139 million followers.

Do you know what I think it is? It's like the perfect situation. So it's her birthday. She looks really happy. Everyone's following exactly what Selena's doing at the moment because Justin Bieber just got engaged. Yeah. And so people see that and be like, I'm really happy that she's happy and moving on and like.

So we're discussing this because it's the quickest to a million, right? Because it's not the most liked Instagram picture. I thought she'd taken over from Beyonce. No, the thing she, the record she beat of Beyonce's was the fastest liked Instagram picture I thought she'd taken over from Beyonce No, the record she beat of Beyonce's Was the fastest to a million likes Right

Okay, not the of all time Of all time Because I'm looking at the most liked photos A list on Wikipedia Is it still the twins? No What? It was never the twins

Who, Beyonce's twins? Yeah It was never her twins It is a baby Oh, Who, Beyonce's twins? Yeah. It was never her twins. It is a baby. Oh, Cristiano Ronaldo's baby. No. Oh. Kylie Jenner's photos of her daughter Stormi,

her first photo and her second photo are the most liked photos, total likes, on Instagram. The first photo of her daughter Stormi has 18 million likes. Good. The second photo has 13 million likes. So what I take from that is 5 million people were like, okay, seen one, see them all. Don't need to like another baby

photo of Stormi. That's me whenever a friend has a baby. Oh, like one photo, that's all you're getting for the next 10 years. You're getting one like, you better make the first photo you put up of this baby a good one because it's only getting one like. Pretty much. So she, while she has a lot, and I'm looking at the top 20 posts,

who do you think is the person with the most? Cristiano Ronaldo. Yes. Cristiano Ronaldo. But he's hot, but he's also a sportsman. Yes. So you've got the girls that like him because he's hot and then the guys that like him because they like football.

And maybe a lot of guys that also think he's hot and like football. He has eight different photos in the top 20. Wow. How many of those are shirtless? I don't know because I don't follow him. I must be one of the only people in the world that doesn't. So his most liked is when he announced he was going to Juventus, Juventus, his new football club.

Wasn't that recently? That was very recently. That was this month. That got just shy of 12 million likes. Okay. And then he had a photo after the Portugal versus Spain match. And he had photos when he won his fifth champion league, photos of his girlfriend at a stadium,

and the Iran versus Portugal match as well. Oh, Lord. But Selena is still the most followed person on Instagram. She's 139 million. He's 137. Right. Just behind. Again, this is all making us all feel pretty bad about our friend list.

And our grams. Yes, Selena's kidney transplant photo only got 10.6 million likes. And that's drawn with Kylie Jenner saying she's having a baby. Right. So that was saying something's in me and something's saying something is no longer in me. That might be the key. It might be the key. Might be the key. To more Instagram followers. Here's some food I'm about to put in me and something's saying something is no longer in me. That might be the key.

It might be the key. Might be the key. To more Instagram followers. Here's some food I'm about to put in me and here's the poo that came out because of it. And then you've got both of them. You might get some likes. Not getting many likes. One might get less likes.

So as a now three season, yeah, three season Fortnite veteran. I've been playing for three of the seasons. Here we go. Imagine my surprise yesterday afternoon when I receive a photo from Fletch and it's the process of his PlayStation 4 downloading Fortnite. I'm like, here we go. He's dropping in with the boys. I've been saying for ages I'm going to drop in with the boys.

The boys. I was like, what has brought this on? It's so weird. I know. It came from nowhere. I wasn't like, hey, I'm thinking about doing this. It was just out of nowhere. I was like, what has brought this on? It's so weird. I know. It came from nowhere. I wasn't like, hey, I'm thinking about doing this. It was just out of nowhere.

I was trying to impress someone. No, I was on my PlayStation. I was like, you know what? I'm going to do it. Because I had time. I was bored. I was like, I can do this now. Wow, you're never going to have time again. Because then it's been time you've got.

I know. I don't know. I think I'm done. I'm retiring. No, don't retire. You can't retire. Do you know, I got up this morning and my apartment was a mess. Like, I didn't even put the dishes away.

My clothes were on the floor everywhere. I was like, this is what Fortnite has done to me already. I didn't clean up after myself last night. I had no time. You've got no one to impress. Just live in squalor. I was like, I've got to stop this addiction now before it gets. So he's like, when are we dropping him with the boys?

And I'm like, what's up? When I get the kids to bed, because I don't play after I put the kids to bed anymore. Because as you say, it's nine o'clock before you know it. You've not got yourself ready. We've got to get up super early. So I don't usually play after dinner, but I'm like, this is a special occasion.

Fletch wants to drop him with the boys. So we went in. Friend Mark was online as well. So Mark came in and we played. We went into a 50 v 50, which

is where there's 100 people playing, but it's two teams of 50. And you fight until one team's obliterated. Do you know all

the 50 people? No, no, no. And you can only hear who you go in to play with. How do you know you're not going to shoot your

mate on your You can shoot him and it won't do any damage. Friendly fire. Because I tried to shoot Vaughn but it won't do any damage. Friendly fire. Oh, okay. Because I tried to shoot Vaughn.

Multiple times. It didn't work. Multiple times. I would have too. Here's the frustrating thing for gamers. Fletch didn't have a headset. So he could hear me, but I couldn't hear him back. Okay.

Oh, I've got to buy a cool headset. Oh, you've definitely got to buy a headset. And then your apartment could be on fire and you'll be like, I'll deal with the fire in a minute. I can't pause this game. It's live with people on the internet. You'll never get laid again, but you know. Yeah, sure. Oh, you will. No, actually there are, I got a lot of messages from

Fortnighters. Did you? Yeah. There's a massive community. Guys, girls. Yeah, no. Do you know, I've seen it and I, the only reason I don't do it is because I know that I'll get addicted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's easy. And any time you've got spare time, you're like you know, I've seen it and the only reason I don't do it is because I know that I'll get addicted. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's easy. And any time you've got spare time, you're like, oh, I've got 20 minutes.

I could just have a go. I might just drop in. I've got Love Island in my life. I can't do that. And Fortnite. You'll need to drop in. Yeah. You'll need to get amongst.

So we drop into a 50 v 50. Fletch doesn't know, like, the rules. There's a lot of social etiquette around. Oh yeah, well you worked out the buttons but you don't know the etiquette. The social etiquette that only comes with playing or playing with people who have played. These things drop into the game called supply crates.

And in the supply crates are pretty good stuff. There's like good weapons, health shields and stuff. There are bandages. There's bandages in case you're hurt. So you can bandage yourself up. Yeah, just get a boo-boo. So a supply drop comes in, and this guy's waiting there,

and social Fortnite etiquette would say that he gets it because he's standing there. He gets it because he's waiting there. I would have thought that that was self-explained. Some people, and if he opens it, he gets it. Well, he opens it, and a gold scar comes out. Now, a gold scar is one of the best guns in the game. Okay.

Does the most damage. Fletch steals his gold scar. Because I only had a pickaxe. I only had a pickaxe. Did you just swoop in and take it? He just ran past and grabbed it. This is war, Megan. And I'm not there, but Mark, our friend's there

and he's like, oh, Fletch! Oh, mate, no, you're not supposed to do that. You can't. And this guy's not happy. He's chasing Fletch, throwing bombs at him, obviously trying to get his attention to be like, hey, you've got to give that back. And Fletch is just running away. I'm in stitches,

laughing, because I come up over the crest of this hill and I just see Fletch's character running and this guy chasing him. Almost be like, hey, hey, buddy, where are you going? So then we come to a skirmish just over the next hill. What's a skirmish? Like a battle, like a fully, like this is where the battle's taking place.

And Fletch is running towards the battle. He's running towards the battle. With one of the best guns in the game. And he's running with the gold scar. And I'm like, he's just towards the battle with one of the best guns in the game. And he's running with the gold scar. And I'm like, he's just going into battle. And he can't talk to us. So it's all one-way commentary. And Mark and I are just like, fearless, look at him charge.

As he reaches the battle, he switches to the pickaxe. I wanted to dig a hole to get out of there. Ten points damage tops. And Mark's just like, no, switch back to the gun. And Fletch just starts globally swiping her pickaxe, which is useless. Did you not know what you were doing? No, Megan, I didn't. It was one of the greatest war charges of all time.

I didn't die, though, did I? At that point? No. It was like to liken it to an act of monumental man standing up against, you know, the machine. It would be like when Hone Hecker charged in to cut down that flagpole. Yeah. He had an axe. Thank you, Vaughn.

Fletch had a pickaxe. Yep. People had guns and stood around being like, what's a guy with an axe doing here? Did he not know we've got guns? Did you die? Oh yeah, he died very quickly. And I had to watch them play. I was like, I'm done with this. He's

crawling around, kind of like, come and get me. I'm like, I'm not going in there. Like, that's madness. I'm going to sit back here and take some pop shots. Oh my god, Rich. So that's, I've retired now from Fortnite. It's stupid though, because you jump in from that bus, which is held up by balloons. That would never fly.

Aerodynamically stupid. That was his physics problem. That seems so weird to have in a game where you're shooting people and stuff. We're just going to drop in with this bus. It's Fortnite's first birthday and the bus sings happy birthday and there's streamers

and confetti poppers going off on it. Why didn't I want to have a birthday cake backpack? Where do you get those from? You've got to do all the challenges to unlock the birthday cake backpack. Oh, I didn't know that. That was the other thing.

Fletch was a defaulter. Oh my gosh, the embarrassment of playing with a defaulter. I was a really hot woman though. Yeah, you were. Yeah, in a tank top. Yeah, yeah.

No dancers originally. How do I get a sexy costume like you? You've got to play more. Oh, for crying out loud. But that's okay, we're going to get you a headset. Do you have a sexy costume? What did I have on to play more. Oh, for crying out loud. But that's okay. We're going to get you a headset. Do you have a sexy costume?

What do I have on? I don't know. You look like some kind of cosplay sexy fox. Oh, I had the sexy fox guy. Sexy cat fox guy. See what I mean? This is what my life is going to turn into. And I'll get nothing done.

No achievements. Well, no, you'd have dancers and sexy fox. You'd get a juicy, great achievement. Like five shotgun kills in a week and stuff. Without actually having to kill anybody in real life. Okay, great. We used to have a dog door in our house. It's like a cat flat, but it's bigger.

And we could easily fit Indy through it when she was younger. Right. But when we renovated our house, we got rid of the dog flat because the dog never used it. That's what I was going to say. Did your dog use it? Ah, just so dumb.

My dog tries to go through the cat door, but he's too scared. He'd fit, but he's like, no, no. They push it and then it goes flat and they're like, ah! The trouble about dog doors is that robbers can be small. 100%. If a robber's taking their kid to work day, they can just put them, The trouble about dog doors is that robbers can be small. A hundred percent.

If a robber's taking their kid to work day, they can just put them, because Indy could fit through a piece of cake. We joke about that, but there have been cases where they've... A hundred percent. They're like, I'm going to fit you, because even those windows that open to a certain amount,

like ours are small. Yep. But you can fit a kid through some of them. Yeah. Like if they're on a hold. So people do it. They're like, okay, I'm going to push you up through here and you run and unlock the door for dad. And they're like, why dad? Well, did you see that

TV? That could be our TV. You like TV, don't you? I love TV. Great. Now push up through this window. You're on your own now, Timmy. But when we renovated, we just got rid of it because the dog never used it. We put in a small cat door and the dog started using it. Moron.

Idiot. My dumb dog is beside the point. Yeah. Now, the story I'm about to tell you, if it had been a dog door, may not have been the issue. Okay. But when Caitlin arrived home to her house, not our Caitlin, even though this is something our Caitlin would totally do.

Oh, 100%. Maybe it's a Caitlin thing. None offence. No offence. None's offence. None's offensive, Caitlin. I'm offended. None's offensive.

I am offended. Will you listen to this story and tell us if you'd do this? Well, she was locked out And she arrived home And she's like Well I mean I don't want to break a window But I reckon I could

Fit through that cat door And her partner Didn't say anything Now As a partner Yeah I probably wouldn't have Said anything

Because I'd like to see My partner get stuck In a cat door There's not What are you supposed to say though No you can't No you can't You don't want to say that as well What are you trying to say Oh yeah because What are you supposed to say though? No, you can't fit through there. No, you can't, you don't want to say

that as well. What are you trying to say? Oh yeah, because what are you trying to say? I'm too fat. Because you've just been shopping

and you said they didn't look fat in those pants so now you don't want to undo your good work by saying you couldn't fit through

that cat flap. So she's going in. I'm imagining it was like, you know how you see people fit through a tennis racket? Yep.

And you go one arm up and then you pull the tennis racket down then you do your head and you do your other arm. And that's when you have to call the arm fire because you got stuck

in a tennis racket. Well, that's exactly what happened. Caitlin got stuck in the cat flap. Oh no. She got the top half of her body through

which I would have thought would have been maybe not the harder half. For a woman, maybe the bottom half would be the harder half because of the hips. Yeah.

But for a guy, I would think the shoulders harder half because of the hips. Yeah. But for a guy, I would think the broad, the shoulders are often broader than the hips. So what, they had to come and cut the flaps, the flap off?

They had to take the whole door. Jesus Christ. How embarrassing. Imagine that, you're just stuck in a cat door. I know

Imagine having the whole door taken off And they're like Well you're going to have to come back Because we don't have the tool here So you have to Hop on the back of the fire truck Wearing a door As sort of a tutu

But that's not what happened They got her out Right okay They got her out They The partner was like Look We'll smash it

And she's like No no no no no It's okay Just call the fire brigade So the fire brigade'll smash it. And she's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's okay. Just call the fire brigade. So the fire brigade, they called 111. And that's when they- What do you want? You want a police ambulance or fire?

I would have been like, wow, I don't know. Who specializes in cat flap removal? Yeah. Seems like a fire brigade situation. So they said, I'm stuck in the cat door. And they said, beg your pardon? I'm stuck in the cat door. How did this get out?

They happily talked about it. Oh, right. Okay. Because I'd be like, no photos. No, look, look. In the paper. That's a photo of Caitlin Stokes.

She's behind the cat door doing thumbs up. Oh, okay. Oh, that's brilliant. Like, she's back a little bit from that, but I don't even know if her head would, how did she put her head through that?

No, I don't know. Yeah. And also, does she have a problem with depth of perception, you know, and perception of depth and sizing? And did she have one of those toys as a kid where you put the square thing into a round hole and it doesn't fit? Maybe she took a lubed run at it. That's the way...

Many questions. If you're going to get through A small Yeah Hole Yeah And there's like There's a 90% You're gonna get

Chance you're gonna get stuck I would imagine The 10% Could drastically increase With lubricant And speed So they're like You have to do it

Gun to your head I'm gonna shoot you in the head You're gonna die Or you're gonna have to Fit through this hole You got 90% chance Of getting stuck I'd be like Lube me And I'm hitting it at you in the head. You're going to die. You're going to have to die. Or you're going to have to fit through this hole. You've got 90% chance of getting stuck. I'd be like, all right, lube me, and I'm hitting it at pace.

And I'd certainly be recording that as well. 100%. Because that's a big YouTuber, that one. Why wouldn't you? F.M. Eugenie, Princess Eugenie. Who? I know.

That's what everyone is saying. No, she's Funny Hat One. What do you mean Funny Hat One? That's right. She wore the funny hat to her and her sister. And I actually feel really sorry for them because

Yeah. They've kind of been ousted. They're still princesses. Yeah, everyone called them um who was Cinderella's ugly stepsisters? Why don't

do they have names? There's just the ugly stepsisters. Oh, they might have names in the traditional Cinderella story but I don't know. Tweedledum, Tweedledum.

Okay. Oh, no, that's even worse because So she's ninth in line to the throne. Yeah, that's the other but I don't know the lines. Tweedledum, Tweedledum. That's even worse. So she's ninth in line to the throne. Yeah, that's the other thing I feel sorry for them about. They're way down the track. They need a big bus accident. They can't all be up high. A big carriage accident. Yeah, they need a big

or an explosion. But if that happened, who are you looking at? Fergie, Eugenie and Beatrice. Where were you? We'll do it. Did you kill them all? What? Jeannie and Beatrice. Where were you? We'll do it. Yeah. Did you kill them all? What? So she's ninth in line to the throne.

She's getting married. In case you missed the announcement, they announced they were engaged not long after Harry and Meghan. Yeah. So yeah, they're planning on getting married in October. Now, it's really mean because everyone in the UK is like, come on, mate. She was thought to be having a pretty low key in terms of a royal wedding.

She's decided she wants to have it in St. George's Chapel. That sounds familiar. That's where Meghan and Harry got married. She wants to have it in this big chapel. She wants to now section off part of the gardens where 1,200 people can win the chance to stand and get an insight into their... Like the royal wedding, yeah, the last one. Yeah.

So there's a lot of similarities going on to the very recent wedding of Meghan and Harry. Yeah, it's too recent to copy. If you're going to copy something, you've got to change it a little bit. It doesn't end there, though. And this is where I think she's going to be a little bit, oh, I think it's going to be cringey. So afterwards, she wants to also have a carriage ride through Windsor.

Oh, but no one's going to be out there. And wave to everyone. No one's going to care. So everyone, October 12, we need to be out there so it's not embarrassing. Someone needs to start an open Facebook event. Are there even going to be security? No, I wouldn't think so. Not nearly as much.

Oh, no. That's sad, isn't it? Can we get the ranting preacher back for their wedding? Sure. You'd have to wait a couple of years at least so people forget. This is going to be months after. In your carriage ride,

you're going to be waving to a few nannies. Does she need a Simon Cowell in her life? Like if my mum, Christine, would have said, no one's going to come and wave to you like they did your cousin. Don't be stupid. Calm down.

Yeah. Would you be, for example, your wedding that you just had at the start of the year, Megan, would you be flattered if somebody copied or used something from your wedding? Or would you think, oh, you're copying. It's fine if it's

anyone you don't know, but if it's your like, that's family. If my cousin was like, okay, I'm going to do everything the same as you, I'd be like, oh, excuse me. Yeah, but they've had the benefit of seeing what didn't go right. Yeah, I take that as a compliment. And who cares?

It's going to be a different event. No, don't get married at the same place as me. No, no, I'm saying I'm with Megan. Right, you reckon it's. No, I'm saying they've seen what you did and they're like, okay, that was good, but I would have changed this, this, and this. And so they can go to the same place but do it better. Yeah.

Like a download, like an additional patch download where they fix the bugs of the program. Yeah, Eugenie's not going to do it better. But she's also setting herself up for like failure and I feel sorry for her. Everyone's going to have a laugh. She's not going to have nearly as many people out there for the carriage ride.

No. But I don't think Harry and Megan are ever going to be like, ah, you copied me. But we can. Yeah. So I was thinking like, has a friend ever copied you? Friend or family, actually. Right.

And I mean, it could be a wedding or it could be anything in your life. Like when your friends copy you and you get a little bit pissed about it, you can't really say, but you of course bitched everyone else. What about when Caitlin's thing was definitely having a fringe and you were like, I'm going to try a fringe. Yeah. I know, but she didn't own that hairdo. And plus...

But on the show she had... I only got it cut... Oh, are we allowed one fringe? That would be like we're only allowed one baldy. So technically you... Oh, excuse me. One of us wears a beanie and one of us wears a hat. It's very...

Stop being racist, Megan. Because the second one copied. No, genetically your hair turned into a fringe. I wouldn't have said anything. Exactly. It's a different argument. No, and I only cut it once and I look dumb so I let it grow out. So you let it grow out. I was like, no, Caitlin, you have this. Also, she's grown her fringe out, so is she copying me?

Yeah. Yeah. Or maybe. No, now it's just awkward. I don't care at all. I don't care. No, neither. I like down matching friends. Let's take some calls. When has a friend copied you? And whether or not it's a wedding, maybe like shoes or fashion.

Like you got a really nice top or something and they get to say, has it happened to you? 100%. I don't want to talk about it. Who wore it better? Who wore it better? They always wear it better. That's why it gets you pissed off.

All right, 0800-DALES-AT-HEM-9696. When did a friend copy you? We're talking about when your friends or family have copied you and you've been like, I'm a girl, you kept me. You know, real, like, big life stuff this morning, guys. Yeah, yeah. Oh, shut up.

Real. Don't act like you're a bubbit.. Yeah, yeah. Oh, shut up. For real. Don't act like you're a bubbit. But no, I'm not because here at work, when I was away on holiday, someone sent me a photo from here at work saying, oh, I thought you were at work. And it was someone from behind wearing a beanie and a raglan tee. And they had grown a little bit of a beard. And I was like, um, um, bitch, step back.

That's my look. How dare you. I've got that. Bitch stole my look. Cornered. It's in the corner. It's my look. It's my look. How dare you? I've got that. Bitch stole my look. Cornered. It's in the corner. It's my look. We want to know when has a friend copied you?

Jenna, what happened? Jenna. Jenna. I can hear some noise. I can hear noise. I don't know if Jenna's died or what. Bonnie, your friend copied you or vice versa? My sister copied me.

Oh, no. That's worse, isn't it? That's close to home. Yeah, so I'm a teacher and when I was a student teacher a couple of years ago I was researching to do my first overseas trip and I found this really cool volunteer program

to go and help her at a school in Fiji and I was like, oh this is so cool like it's so right up my alley and so I didn't tell any of my teacher's college friends because I didn't want anyone to copy me. Yeah. And so I told my little sister about it, who doesn't even like children,

and I was like, you know, don't tell anyone. Like, I'm so excited. My first overseas trip. And then after that conversation, two months later, she messaged me. She was like, hey, I've just booked the exact same trip over to Fiji that you were going to do. And I was like, what? How dare she? How dare she? It was the exact same trip over to Fiji that you were going to do. And I was like, what?

How dare she? How dare she? It was the exact same trip. And I didn't tell anyone else because I didn't want someone else to, like, steal it off me kind of thing. And then I didn't end up going because I was so angry. Oh, did you? Here's the thing about charitable work.

If somebody else does it as well as you, it doesn't diminish the fact you did it as well? It adds to... That's what my uncle told me, so it made me feel a little bit better, but I was, like, pretty angry. You still didn't do it. I know, but it's like,

I went to Vanuatu in the holidays, and I just went and went to a school, so I've gone and done it now, but... Also, if it's your little sister, don't you have an obligation as an older sibling to be flattered and be like, they want to do this because I'm there, so they get to step out of their comfort zone but still have a little bit of home comfort?

Yeah, but then you've got to work out who's Instagramming the charity first. Oh, right. Yeah. Andrea, when 2018's main reason for charity, putting it on your Instagram. Andrea, a friend copied you? Yeah, my best friend, actually. We were each other's maid of honour, and we were planning our wedding together at the same time.

And all of a sudden, her venue changed. Her bridesmaid's dresses were the similar colour to ours. She wanted to walk down the aisle to the song I'd wanted to walk down to since I was a child, and I said no. But the problem was, she got married three months before us, so it looked like I copied her. Are you still friends?

Oh, yeah, best of friends. Oh, okay. It's cool, but yeah, it was just like, oh, man, kind of still one of those things. You never said anything to her, did you? If you hear that song now... I said it about the song song and she changed her song. Oh, okay. Yeah, but it's cool.

But I mean, it only really crossed over because we had the same friends, but family and stuff, it just looked like it was its own wedding. But yeah, they were quite similar. Same venues and everything. Okay, Andrea, thanks so much for your call. Some text messages in.

Ever since I was a small child, I had a dream dog breed. I don't know why they didn't tell us. Maybe they think we're going to steal them. They don't say. They said their dream dog was a certain breed, and they always talked about it, and they always had photos of it and pictures of it. They loved it.

This is like me when I finally got my cat. Yeah. That I've always wanted. You've always wanted. This is like me when I finally got my cat. Yeah. That I've always wanted. You've always wanted. Yeah, yeah. Well, imagine if just before you got that cat, your older brother or older sister had bought that cat. I know. I'd be mad. But then there's like two of them in the family. No, it's not the same.

They've just become indoctrinated. If you'd been going on about it for so long, you'd probably done it to yourself there. Yeah. Somebody said, my sister-in-law likes my taste so much, she bought the same furniture. She took photos of the artwork we have in our house

and found it online and bought the same artwork. That's creepy. Get your own style. I know. Or just choose different pictures. I know. So I've completely stopped answering Any of your questions

That start with Where did you get Full stop Yeah find it yourself Someone said My close friend and I Were pregnant at the same time I gave birth to my son

Three months later She gave birth to hers And gave the child The exact same name What You can't do that That's the weird thing about it Because

If it's some distant person, that's cool to copy names. But if you're going to be hanging out together. Exactly. If these kids are going to grow up together, that's weird. Yeah, that is weird. All right. FVM, the podcast.

Oh, today, when we're about to kick this off, how do you know? This is, I think, going to be a challenging one. But I do love a challenge. We've always said Smithy. He loves a challenge. He loves a challenge. As long as it's not too hard. He loves a challenge in theory.

Yeah, that's what they say about me. How do you know if it's really Amber? How do you know if it's really her? Good morning, Amber. Good morning. Welcome to How Do You Know. Now, for those that are maybe new to the show and haven't heard the segment before. And you're like, oh, God, what's that horrific singing?

Yeah. Or you may have thought, was that Whitney Houston? No. You may have. We're going to see now if people listening to the show know Amber, if you know Amber. Now, like you say, Vaughan, we've gone for a hard one today. Yes, because Amber, tell us a little bit about yourself. How old are you?

So I'm 20. 20, young. Okay. That doesn't necessarily mean that people wouldn't know who she is, though. No, it's just that, yeah. But where did you grow up, Amber? So I grew up in a small town of Pyro. Pyro?

With an L&P bottle. Lemon and Pyro. Yeah. Is it annoying living there and everyone stops all the time there? They love that. They trade on it. That's either, like, when people ask where I'm from, I have to kind of explain that's where the L&P bottle is.

They don't know otherwise. Right. But then you've got a lovely selection of antique and second-hand stores in pie roar. Yeah, too many. Too many. Tell you what, next time you're going through, great ride. You know why?

They don't know what they've got on their heads. They don't know how much it's worth. Okay, weak. Okay, so, and where else have you lived, Amber?

So I lived in Pairoa, then I went off and studied in Hamilton. Okay. And then I lived in Queenstown for eight months and I'm now in Rotorua. Oh, we've gone

small town, small town, small town. Small town, Hamilton in Queenstown for eight months, and I'm now in Rotorua. Oh, we've gone small town, small town, small town. Small town, Hamilton. Queenstown. Oh, yeah, that's right. Okay, small town. Not that Rotorua is a small town, but... I mean... Okay, this is going to be a toughie.

So what did you study in Hamilton? So I studied tourism, so the New Zealand School of Tourism. Okay. And is that the one on Victoria Street? Yeah, yeah. And what did you do in Queenstown for work? So I worked for a rental car company. Oh, okay.

Do people leave stuff in rental cars? Sorry? Do people leave some cool stuff in rental cars? Yeah, yeah. We've had a few cool things left behind. And you're just like finders keepers mind now? Well, we generally just

hold them for a month and then if they don't get in contact with us then we just put our name on them. I've held this for 10 minutes. It's mine now.

We tried. So you worked at a car rental place in Queenstown. Have you ever played any sports in any of these places? I played sports

in high school in Pyro but not anywhere else. Okay. Do we even broadcast in Pyro? I think we get a crackly bit

of 89.8. Oh, God. I know that transmitter blew down. Yeah. See, I'm not worried that no one knows Amber. I'm just worried

that, like, people need to be listening to us from these small places. What are you doing in Rotorua now? So I'm working for a rental car company. Okay, so you're a rental car.

Lots of rental cars. Okay. Okay. Oh, we've gone too hard. It's too impossible. It's boom possible. Don't say anything. We haven't asked enough questions yet.

Okay. Okay, well, if anybody, listen, if you think you know Amber, I'll 800-diles-it-em right now. Just list off a few high schools that you went to. Oh, did you just go to the one in Pairoa? I just went to one, yes. I grew up in Karangahaki, the small area of Karangahaki.

Lovely gorge. With the gorge. Lovely gorge. Now we've even gone to smaller towns. The bottle, the gorge. Yes, that's where I grew up. Went to primary school and then I head off into Pairoa for high school. Okay, okay.

Controversial to not go the other way and go to Waihe for high school? No, no, my parents thought about it, but they thought they would go pyro. Okay, well, if you think you know Amber, 0800 dial ZM. We've got somebody on the line now, Ashley. Ashley, good morning. Morning. Do you know Amber? I do know Amber.

How? She was one of my students. Oh, my gosh, yep, I know Ashley. Students where? At the New Zealand School of Tourism in Hamilton. Oh, so young. Yeah, Ashley, you sounded the same age. I wish.

I wish I was. You just said I am. Right, let's just go with that. Ashley, was she a good student? Yes, she was. She was a really good student. No hesitation there. Well, that she a good student? Yes, she was. She was a really good student. No hesitation there. No hesitation.

Well, that means we need to play the song. That's how you know that it's really Amber. That's how you know that it's really her. Wow, success. Straight away, just like that. Yeah. Stephanie is next to tell us if she knows Amber. Stephanie, how do you know Amber?

I know Amber from New Zealand School of Tourism as well Amber? I think I know you Oh no, oh no More clarification required That's the only thing I had imagined There's been a few Ambers through the doors of New Zealand School of Tourism Were we in the same class for our first class?

Yes, we were Okay, yeah, I definitely know Stephanie She knows Stephanie then Alright, let's have a song again. You ready for the song? That's how you know that it's really Amber. That's how you know that it's really her. Good luck with the next one.

Zane? Zane? Kia ora. Kia ora. Good morning. How do you know Amber? I just heard her on the radio. And you know her?

Well, I know that she lives in Rukuroa. Yep. Queenstown. Yep. Hamilton. Yep. And Pairoa You know what, I know, I love that you wanted to call up and support her

because there might not have been any of her friends listening Is that good enough? Who knows where she's lived? Amber, do you know? Zane? No, but she seems to know me From the radio No, you know me. From the radio. No, you know Zane from the radio that you're also on now.

Yes, of course. Oh, well, that's enough of me. Oh, you played it wrong. That's the loser bed. Oh, James put the loser bed in. And then we 180'd and decided to just fudge the results. Oh, well, close enough. Kane, good morning.

How do you know Amber? She's my girlfriend's sister. Oh, yes. Yep. I know you, Kane. Why are you laughing like that? Oh, yeah, hold on. Why are you laughing like that, Amber?

No reason. Is he good? Is he good enough for your sister? Yes, no, he's good. He's fine. He's fine? Is he cute or something? good enough for your sister? Yes, no, he's good. He's fine. He's fine? Is he cute or something? Why are you giggling?

Nope, just inside thoughts. Nothing. Inside thoughts. Well, I mean, I think we've made the next family Sunday lunch awkward enough. We're now delving further into the inner thoughts. How do you feel, Kane? Um, yes. That's what's happening.

I mean, that's okay. I'm going to play the song. He knows it. He knows it. That's how you know that it's really Amber. That's how you know that it's really her. Why would you say that? Hey.

Hello. Hang up on Kane. Thank you, Kane. Thanks, Kane. Kane's gone. Thanks, Kane. Sorry, Amber. That's going to be so awkward for you next time.

I don't know. Maybe there's like nothing happening there. It was just awkward. Yeah. But yeah. Nothing's awkward with Furnace. It just, yeah, no, we've just talked, I guess. But no, it's nothing, nothing bad.

Oh, so you've talked, but you've never really met him in person? No, like, I do know him. I just don't, like, I know him through a friend. Like, he's one of my friend's brothers, but I don't know him, no. But he goes out with your sister now? I don't know him well enough, but he went to school. Like, I went to the same school and everything. Why is this all happening?

Back in Pairoa? Yes. Well, I hope it goes well for Like, he went to the same school and everything. Where is this all happening? Back in Pairoa? Yes. Okay. Well, I hope it goes well for them. They get married and buy an antique store. My Pairoa dream for them. It would be our successful Amber. Oh, I was a little worried there.

The small town edition of How Do You Know. Thank you so much for playing Amber. A story. Oh, this is funny, but also not great, but still pretty funny. Somebody is charging, at this stage, the group that looks to be mostly affected, Chinese tourists, admission prices to places in New Zealand that are free to visit. Beaches, for example. Mission Bay is 10 bucks. Okay, right.

From what I can gather and newsreader slash intern slash bath influencer Anya joins us now. These the official word is

that they are booking these trips on an app. Yeah. But then not only are they paying for the bus, but they're also being told admission to the beach costs. So that's extra cost, right?

Yeah, so they're being told that they can go on this bus and if they don't pay the $10 to go to Mutawai Beach, for example, they won't be allowed to get off the bus. So, yeah, it's not ideal. Because it's like a cruise ship, right? You pay for the cruise, but then there's options to go on day trips. But then you give the money, you get the boat right out there,

and you get a village experience. And it's not unusual to pay like a national park entrance fee. And I've been on tours where you're like, oh, I've just got to trust them, I guess. But it's only five bucks. And you don't know. Like, you're none the wiser if you're travelling overseas. You just think it's like a private thing or like a national park.

And then you get to Mission Bay and you see someone vomiting in the fountain. You're like, I wonder if he's paid his $10. And then a kid swimming on the other side of the fountain. And you're like, that's probably not worth $10 because someone just spewed in that. And then around the corner, another person piddling in the Mission Bay fountain. And you're like, there's a lot happening in this fountain. But beaches, parks around the country, they're all being charged on the slide.

That's cheating. Things that we can proudly say don't cost the access in New Zealand, they're being charged for it. That's so mean, taking advantage of people's naivety

and trust. So how many people fit on a bus? 50. So 50 people? 80. I went for a big bus. You went for a big bus.

A double decker. A double decker. I like 50. I know because if it's $10 it's easy to work out if it's 50? 80. I went for a big bus. You went for a big bus. A double decker. A double decker. I like 50. Oh no, because if it's $10, that's easy to work out. Any, if it's 50 or 80. Okay, 100. I should also work that out.

Okay. So say it's a bus with 100 people on it. And it's $10 each. $10 to get off and go to Megan. Now I'm imagining they go. $1,000. Don't you just add in extra to that? Good work.

Yes, congratulations. So that's $1,000 that person's pocketing to stop at Mission Bay. For nothing. For nothing. So then they take them out to Muriwai. That's another $1,000. This person's making good money. I'd be like, oh, every roundabout's 50 cents.

I'd be like, oh, traffic lights. It's a dollar, guys. We had to stop. Yeah, if it's a green light, it's free. But if we have to stop, there is a red light toll. It's just in New Zealand. They do in New Zealand. You just feel like every overbridge is a toll.

Oh, that took my photo. It's a toll. Yeah. I heard of the scamming run once. This was brilliant. Because technically they weren't lying. Okay. Right.

They were bringing busloads of tourists, again, predominantly Chinese tourists, to golf courses. Okay. And they'd take them into the pro shop. Yeah. And these people loaded, like upper class Chinese tourists with heaps of money. And New Zealand golf courses, you've got to recognize, beautiful and very picturesque, the country ones. So they go into the pro shop and it'd be like, oh, you need to get some golf clubs.

So they'd buy a set of golf clubs, play a round of golf, finish with them and think they'd rented the golf clubs for the round because they're so wealthy money. And they're like, oh, well, that's just what's done here in New Zealand. Yeah, right. How much is a set of good golf clubs?

Oh, from the golf course at a pro shop, there'd be hundreds. Yeah, there'd be $1,500 at least, right, for a set of golf clubs. But these are extremely wealthy people. Yeah, right. And they would buy a set of golf clubs and at the end, you'd be left with a set of golf clubs. And then you'd, what, just dip

them in water, wash them, and then sell them to the next person. Or, I think they were selling, yeah, selling them them to the next person. Or, I think they were selling them on to the next person. Or then, yep, they had a set of golf clubs, so they would hire them out to the busload the next day. And somebody else would buy a set of golf clubs. And eventually ended up with this massive collection of golf clubs. Something like that.

I would do. I mean, he wasn't lying. He didn't say you have to buy them. He just says you have to get golf clubs. Golf clubs. And they'd go around and they'd have a swing and they'd buy them. And then you just say they gave them to me at the end. What was I to say?

No, that's rude. They couldn't take them with them. But are these New Zealand? Even though they actually could have seen people travelling with golf. These wouldn't be New Zealand tour operators, would they? No. Like these apps that they charge out would be based overseas. Oh, no, no, the apps, the ones in the news now, yeah, they book them before they get here.

Yeah, right. And they're just told to stop at the... I think you selected what you wanted to stop at on this bus tour. Yeah. Because it's not a good look for the country. No. You go overseas, that's the worst part. A lot of taxi drivers in a lot of countries.

If you've been to Bangkok, it really sullies Bangkok. Like, everybody's trying to scam you, you just want to go somewhere. The guy's like to go somewhere guys like yeah yeah and then you're already in there and he's like on the way though oh yeah i must simply show you my friend's jewelry outlet like no lovely ring for the lady that's what i always get i'm like she's got enough she's she's just not wearing them because she's when they've stolen, when we're travelling. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about the US Army, often known for, you know, destruction. Yep. The war machine that is.

Yep. That, you know, it's not all bad there is a little silver lining to that dark cloud of war and destruction is that the US Army Corps of Engineers Cold Regions Research and Engineering Laboratory or CREARL

for short may have invented biodegradable bullets that you can put flower seeds in. There are heaps of these little products you get out. They're like, it's got a flower seed in it, so when you finish, plant it. It's like coffee cups,

and they're completely biodegradable, and there's two seeds in the bottom, so just chuck them in the garden. Which may never ever reach the light of day because they're buried in a landfill 20 metres below ground. Good luck, flower. If you get out of there, you deserve to live. It's like the Houdini of flowers.

It's like, I'll find a way. No, I give up. I'm dead. There was a lot of plastic down here. No one's recycling enough. So they basically said, we go around the world and we fire these bullets and then just the casings just sit around.

So we should try to make them biodegradable. And they invented them and they said, okay, we've got this to work. And one of them said, paraphrasing, wouldn't it be cute? Paraphrasing. And I'm paraphrasing. Wouldn't it be? Super cute. Toast cute.

If we put a little seed in them. And so when they're biodegraded, a flower grew. Sort of symbolic, like someone died and now there's a flower or something. I like it. So they said that could work. So they made a few for trial, but then they're like, what if, though, we introduce an unknown flower species?

Like this might be the most thoughtful branch of the US military. They're like, my God, but what if we introduce a species that's never been in the area before and it like runs rampant

and destroys native fauna? Yeah. And flora. Is it flora or fauna? Which one's the animal? Flora. Flora is flowers, right?

And fauna is the other one, yeah. Because you get a fauna as an animal, flower, flora. Is it flora or fauna? Which one's the animal? Flora. Flora is flowers, right? And fauna is the other one, yeah. Because you get a fauna as an animal, flower. Yeah, as a flora. And then it's confused because of the margarine. Flora. Flora margarine. And fauna sounds like fern in my head. Not out loud, actually, now that I've said it.

So that's taken care of. But they're like, well, we don't want to do that. So they said, well, when we do make these, we're going to have to make them region specific. Oh, my God. So in Afghanistan, I don't know. Tulips, they grow in Afghanistan, right? Because, oh, puppies.

Yeah, something like that. If they ever invade Holland, totally shoot some tulip seeds. That'd be right. But, you know, these guys, it's not like widely used. Are they just trying to soften the fact that they're like shooting heaps of bullets? I feel like that would have been,

now this was a little while ago, this was really sort of in the last administration, but these guys carried over into the current Trump administration, but I don't feel flower bullets would be high on the Trump agenda. No, no. I don't know. I haven't heard his personal opinion. He could surprise don't feel flower bullets would be high on the Trump agenda. No, no. I don't know. I haven't heard his personal opinion.

He could surprise us all. With flower bullets, yeah. By saying when we invade Iran after I've sent an aggressive tweet declaring war in full caps to the leader of Iran, we're only going in with bullets that are biodegradable with flower seeds in them and flowers from the region. Please make sure you're packing the right ammunition. We just want it to look nice when we're finished making a mess. That's all.

So today's fact of the day is there is a branch of the US Army that want to put flower seeds in bullets. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. I want to know right now if anybody listening is made to wear something for work and they absolutely hate it because you look like a punisher. Or, you know, you're just like, this is stupid. Do I have to wear this? Like when Rachel had to wear a certain amount of flair wasn't it

on her outfit at oh was it Rachel and Friends? Bloomingdale's Blooming where did she work? Oh no I'm thinking

of a movie where Jennifer Aniston was in and she had to wear a certain amount of flair which was badges badges on her outfit

at work Okay Megan actually Megan you hate wearing anything where we're like, let's all get matching T-shirts. Megan's like, I don't like T-shirts. I don't want to wear matching T-shirts.

I don't like T-shirts. You guys look good in Italian, not T-shirts. Where is it in uniform? No. But I wouldn't imagine there'd be many work uniforms that people would be stoked on. No. Why don't they make them cuter?

Like, everyone would appreciate it. Yeah. People wearing them. It's a cost thing though, isn't it? You've got to have a... So this is what I wanted to know. If anybody has to wear, is forced to wear something that they don't like at work, because I don't know why this tickled me yesterday, but I just, and I've noticed it a couple of

times, but yesterday I was just in a silly mood and I laughed to myself. Because there is this little tiny mall downtown near my apartment and they've got a security person. Okay. And this security person, because I've seen two different people, but they wear the same thing. It's like if you were sent to a war zone to cover the war as a TV reporter. You'd wear a Mike McRoberts.

Like, yeah, like bulletproof jacket. But it says security across it. But there's no bulletproof panels. But it looks like it. But it almost looks like. So it's a costume shop bulletproof vest. It almost looks like something you'd wear at like F45 or like CrossFit, like a weighted vest.

Oh, okay. Or a bomber jacket, but without the weight in it. Right. like a weighted vest oh okay or a bomber jacket but without the weight in it right so it's this velcro flak jacket but without the bulletproofing and it's like security

does it have stab stab proof no nothing no it's just literally material it's like he might like it though like might make you feel official at least

no it looks ridiculous like what are you gonna oh I'm not gonna run amok in this mall now because you're wearing a bulletproof vest. XSAS is running security. I'm just like, oh, that's like, it's a humiliator.

Yeah. To have to wear a fake bulletproof vest. It's a fake bulletproof vest and it says security on it. I don't think there's no chance he provided it himself. Maybe, I don't know. Get him a Segway or something. Oh, yeah. Now, that looks official. there's no chance he provided it himself. Maybe. I don't know. Get him a Segway or something.

Oh, yeah. Now, that looks official. That looks security official. That would be more embarrassing. I don't think the tiny mall needs a Segway, but there's not a lot of ground to cover. It could be new, like, stab-proofing that's really thin. It's not, Megan. I've seen it.

It looks real budget. No, because that's really expensive. Yeah. There is thin, real thin stab-proof and bulletproof stuff, but, man, it's expensive. And I don't think downtown security cop is wearing Kevlar, you know. No, that's regret. I don't know why, it just made me laugh.

It took all your fancy. Like, just get a nice polo with security on it. I hope you laughed after you walked past him. Oh yeah, I didn't laugh at him. In my head, I was just like, that's hilarious. Poor fella. Having to wear the fake bulletproof. And I wasn't laughing at him because

he's probably made to wear this. He's being told to do that. He's like, wear this. And he's like, but it's not a bulletproof vest, is it? It just looks stupid. So I want to know if anybody else is in the same situation. Maybe you don't have to wear a fake bulletproof vest, but what does work make you wear

that you absolutely hate? 0800-DARLS.M 9696. And we want to know now, 0800-DARLS.M and you can text in, what does work make you wear that you absolutely hate? 0800 dials at M9696. Damn! We want to know now, 0800 dials at M, and you can text in, what does work make you wear that you hate? Because there's a security guard downtown. I won't say where, but I feel like the mall is making him wear a fake bulletproof vest that says security on it.

Because they couldn't afford a real one. Just get a nice polo or a jacket that says security. I don't know if a polo is like... Well, it's not good for winter. Real menacing, I mean. Yeah, but neither is a fake bulletproof jacket. Well, maybe not everyone knows it's fake. Maybe it fools some people.

Maybe it's just... Okay, yeah. Maybe you're right. Maybe people will think twice. Some text messages about what people have to wear at their work. Somebody says, I'm not allowed to wear the colours red or blue. So it's not so much what you have to wear. Is that the opposition colours?

No, it's due to gang affiliations. I was a councillor in prisons. Oh, right. And I couldn't be seen to be siding with the Crips. I thought they were like, don't look like you're the warehouse or Kmart. Yeah. Because you work at Farmers, God damn it.

Yeah. Only purple. It was gang affiliations, although I would love to see Farmers, Kmart, and the Warehouse form some sort of street gangs and just battle it out.

Just throw it down. That rules me out of a prison job because that's half my wardrobe gone. I love navy blue. You love a blue. I really do. Well, I don't know if the Crips is all about navy blue. Is it a brighter blue?

It's more of a, yeah. A baby blue. Not a baby blue. Sky blue. Sky blue? Not medicine. Maybe it's slightly darker than sky. Cherie, what does work make you wear that you hate?

Well, I work in like a jewellery and accessory store and during October when it's like the races season, we all hate to wear fascinators to work. Oh. Yeah. Some of them were pretty like, you know, like they're quite big and they've got feathers and all sorts going on. And it looks good if the rest of you,

like if you're wearing a dress or something because then it all fits together. But what are you wearing clothes-wise? Well, that's the thing. We were sort of just told to wear like, you know, like regular clothing, but we had pretty strict like dress code. Like always had to have like our nails done and had to make up and everything. But I still wouldn't say it was fancy enough for a fascinator.

Yeah. And the thing about fascinators is it's safety in numbers. Only the people in the store are wearing the fascinators. None of the shoppers are. Yeah. And the thing about fascinators is it's safety in numbers. Only the people in the store are wearing the fascinators. None of the shoppers are. No, just the workers. So imagine like walking into the mall

with a fascinator. Yeah, it's out of place, isn't it? Sheree, thanks for your call. No worries. CDM's, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. For more,

catch them every weekday from 6.