ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - July 27 2018

Episode Date: July 26, 2018

We get Fletch started again, Friday Flashback and what did your parents keep from you?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. You can stay connected with free Wi-Fi a gig a day on the $19 Spark prepaid rollover pack. Enjoy. How true is it you can have like a sneaky wee wine? When you're pregnant. Yeah. It's Russian roulette, isn't it? Because so many people are like, oh, you're allowed one.

No, you, I mean, why would you take a chance? Yeah. It's Russian roulette, isn't it? Because so many people are like, oh, you're allowed one. No, you... I mean, why would you take a chance? Yeah. Yeah. Said a guy that has got two children and drank through the pregnancies. I mean, I wasn't carrying them. My wife didn't ever touch it, though. What was the statistic?

A quarter of New Zealanders... A quarter, yeah, of Kiwi mothers. Drink. Yeah. Wow. Wowza. I guess if you didn't know you were pregnant Often the case I wonder if that counts towards that quarter

People who didn't know They know they're pregnant They have a drink Wow It would probably be more Because it's one of those statistics that you wouldn't admit to Yeah, true Like you're not legally required to have to admit to that to somebody asking questions, are you?

What, there'd be another quarter that are lying? Maybe. Yeah. That's sad, isn't it? I don't know, it's terrible. How judgy does a person look who's asking you? Yeah. Yeah.

Is that Aunt Lydia of Handmaid's Tale? Blessed be the day, child. You haven't had a drink, have you? She's great, eh? I love it when she's happy. There's no better character on television. Alright, coming up on the show this morning, ZM's secret sound returns.

Thanks to Save My Bacon. Eight o'clock, we'll give you the chance. The jackpot is at $20,000 cash. This is our secret sound. We've all got a couple of ideas what we think that could be. All of the guesses that we've had so far are at

ZM Online as well. And I want to talk about men overseas. They're googling something about their genitalia. Okay. Which is interesting. Everywhere overseas? It's the UK. Right.

I don't want to tell you more because it will give it away. I saw friends over in the UK, 36 degrees in London. That's mental. Yeah. In Scotland, friends in Scotland, Scotland of all places, known for its grey coldness, is well into the 30s as well. It's crazy. It's insane.

All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. All right, three news headlines for three news stories that I've found this morning. Pick one. Headline one, The Last Straw. Headline two, Zoo Makes an Ass of Itself. And headline three, Storm Br granddad back from the grave.

Oh, my God. Oh, no. The zoo is the story of, I can't remember where the zoo was, but they painted a ass, that's why you said ass, a donkey to look like a zebra. Correct.

Which is classic Tijuana. Yeah, well, I once got the photo with the zebra, which was a donkey. And you could see the spray paint. It wasn't pretty. Wildly different looking creatures too, I've found. Yeah, they are. Donkeys are very donkey looking.

They're more like stouty, eh? Short and stouty. Whereas zebras are a bit more horse-like. Yeah, you'd be better just to get a miniature horse or a pony and paint it like a zebra, I think. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. Did the storm just wash up Grandad's

casket? No, not really. Kind of. So what does that leave? And what was one? The last straw or do you want the storm? Last straw. Yeah, that could be anything. All right, we go to California now and a coastal town, Santa Barbara.

Santa Barbara. I've got an auntie, Barb. Saint Barbara. But you say Barbara, don't you? But it's Barbara. Barbara. Barbara. Barbara.

Barbara. Barbara. Barbara. Yeah, Barbara. Barbaras love that. They do, they do. Have we exhausted our Barbara jokes? Yeah. Pretty, Barbara. Barbaras love that. They do, they do. Have we exhausted our Barbara jokes? Yeah.

Pretty much there. Santa Barbara have passed an ordinance authorizing hefty fines for straw users or for businesses that give out straws. First violator, for a first offence, violators will be given a fine or a warning, but then could face jail time. For straws. For straws. Now, a fine not exceeding $1,000 or imprisonment for a term not exceeding six months, which is exactly the same sentence that you would get

if you infected someone with HIV. Knowingly. Knowingly. Santa Barbara. Yes, in California. That's the California state law. Six months in prison for knowingly infecting someone with HIV. Well, reading down this article,

they brought it down from like six, three to eight years. Why did they bring it down? I don't know. Okay. No idea. It's survivable now? Yeah, but it's still like a life sentence, right? Yeah, you're probably right, but it's still, yeah, you've still got to live with it.

Yeah. But yeah, that is what it is equivalent to. Wow. Giving people straws at your cafe. But I tell you what they should do instead of that is just make people watch that video where they pull a plastic straw out of a turtle's nose. Oh my God, I couldn't watch all of that.

We made Fleets watch that only a few days ago, right? We went out for dinner last weekend and I said to the girls, oh, we're not getting straws with these drinks. Granted, they did both spill their drinks on themselves, but that's by the by. I showed them the video of the turtle. Did you? Oh my God, yeah. I showed them the video of the turtle. Did you?

Oh, my God. Yeah, they've talked about it every day since. You can't show them. That was horrifying. That was horrific. That was horrifying for me and I'm a grown adult. I know, but now they don't like straws. They don't want straws.

Of course. Of course not, because they yank that straw out of the turtle's nostrils. And the turtle's like, eh. Oh, yeah. Everybody should have to watch that. They should at restaurants have a thing saying, want a straw? Press play on this video.

And you have to stand there and watch it get pulled out and then still be cool with asking for a straw. They could just leave an iPad at the bar counter. Yeah. Do you still want a straw? Yeah. It would work. It would.

You're not wrong. We don't need straws. We're humans. We've got lips. No, we've got given mouths. Yeah. Yeah, I feel guilty now when I get a couple of straws. I love a good reusable straw.

I'm a big fan of the reusable straw. The metal ones? Yeah. Yeah. And you just pop them in the dishwasher, right? Yeah. With the knives and forks and stuff. But then people say that you've got to clean them out every now and then with a pipe cleaner.

Oh. But that's great. Because how does the dishwasher get in the middle? Just hope a bit of water gets through there. Right, okay. Chuck in a pot of boiling water every now and then. Yeah, right. Still small price to pay for a turtle not to have that yanked out of its nose again.

Yeah. I want to ask you a question, but I don't entirely know if I want to know the answer. I don't know if I want you to ask knowing what you're going to talk about. Yeah. Okay. I'll just talk about it and you can just tell me or tell everyone if you want to. Okay. So in the UK.

Where is this going? In the UK. I don't know where it's going, but I feel safe. I feel like I'm in a very safe place. That's good. Like I've been assured that regardless of my thoughts, I'm going to be accepted. Oh, we'll laugh at your thoughts. Yeah, there'll be no judgment.

No judgment. In the UK, it's hot at the moment. Very. I'm hearing from everybody. Heatwave. And so there's one thing that guys are Googling because of the heatwave. It's 33 degrees right now in London. Right now.

What time is it in London? Is it 7 o'clock at night? 6 or 7. It would be 7pm. Exactly 7pm. Oh, no. You can't have it that hot at night. Quarter past 7, wouldn't it?

Yeah. 13 past 7. But, yeah. 33 degrees. Oh, no. You can't have it that hot at night. Quarter past 7, wouldn't it? Yeah. 13 past 7. But, yeah, 33 degrees. That is insane. And what time is the sun going down over there at the moment? That's the other thing. And there's summer. If you've never been to the UK, no one told me their sun doesn't go down

until some crazy o'clock. And it's back up at, like, 4 o'clock. Even 2am, 3am, it's, like, 22, 23 degrees. Yeah, that's pretty toasty. It's going to be back up to 28 tomorrow. They've had 33 a year higher today. And their houses are built for cold, not necessarily for the heat. Well, because of the heat wave, guys are Googling summer penis.

Summer penis? Because they want it, because they're happy and want to get out. No, because guys are apparently experiencing what they think are an increased penis size. Is it because it's so hot everybody's shaving their pubes off? And it always looks bigger when you shave your pubes. No, I think they actually think it's bigger. Go on. Is there such a thing as a summer penis?

Well, I mean, obviously, I think what would the reverse of that be? Winter penis. Cold. And, you know, it's cold. You go outside and it's like whoa. Does the penis extend itself? Because it is a magical organ in the fact that it can get much larger.

Yeah. And then much smaller. Yeah. Is it extending itself to try to cool itself down? Increase its surface area? No, but increasing your surface area would be more area to get hot. No, but it's more area to sweat and then the sweat cools down your skin. Oh, yeah, right. Whereas when you're cold, it constricts itself to try to save itself from frostbite and being too cold.

Really? Okay. Well, Jamaica. It's purely because of the... Huge penises. You saw Usain Bolt. How do you know? Were they Olympics? They're all sprinters. They're all running in like

super tight pants. And it's very unfortunate that they do the slow-mo at that kind of... Is it unfortunate? It's bloody enlightening. I haven't heard many complaints. I have to be shown at bloody 84 at that kind of unfortunate. Is it unfortunate? Yeah. It's bloody enlightening. Unfortunate for me. I've heard many complaints. I have to be shown at bloody 84 frames a second

how mine's small. So it's because like when something's hot, it swells and expands. Yep. So they're not imagining it. It does get bigger, but apparently it's quite inconsequential. So it's just a tiny amount bigger.

It's like swelling amount. Oh, right. But it must be that I'm noticing it. No, but they've said if you're noticing it, you must be doing some pretty detailed daily measurements for that kind of... But like you pay quite a lot of attention, right? Google doesn't lie.

The stats are there. People are Googling it. Yeah. Is there such a thing as a summer penis? Well, add that to another thing you can Google about't lie. The stats are there. People are Googling it. Yeah. Is there such a thing as a summer penis? Well, add that to another thing you can Google about your penis. Because you've got dad penis where you become a father. And what happens? Well, without getting into too much detail,

everybody remembers their father's been quite large. Should there have been a sort of a nude crossover between shower and... Don't start Megan on Megan's... Well, Megan's dad's a freak. He's got a huge penis any time of the day. But, like, compared to anybody. But everybody remembers their dad having a huge penis, right? And, like,

I've got two kids. I've been a dad for six and a bit years. Six and a half years. And it hasn't happened. I don't think it's any bigger. And then you've got the farmer's penis. What's the farmer's? It's the one where your penis has like a tan year round. But I don't have that either. Why does it have a tan?

Well, you know how farmers have tans year round because they spend so much time outside? Yeah, but they have tan lines too, right? Yeah, gumboot tan lines and stuff. Yeah, right. People are like, yeah, talk about your penis having a year round tan. But I've never really noticed mine being any darker than the rest of mine. Well, you're not a farmer either. No, but it's not because farmers have these penises.

Right. It's because farmers have a year-round tan. Right. And so your penis does as well, but I don't have that either. I thought it was just going to be mega hairy because, like, crops. Growing crops. Yeah, I don't know how dairy farms are doing with like maintenance and stuff. Well, it's turned not enough time.

They've got to milk, don't they? Well, yeah. It's 2018. Find some time. Maintenance is... It's key. Yeah. It's key.

If the Kelly thistles are getting out of control, you run a topper around the paddock. FBM. There is a list of the top 10 most profitable Instagram accounts. So these are celebrities who have amassed such a following they can like get that cash for a post. Okay. So I mean, number one's probably not going to surprise you, but I'm going to hit you with some of these people, how many followers they've got and how many millions of dollars they get from

them. Is there a formula? This many wondered, is there a formula like this many followers equals this much dollars? No, that's not right. This many dollars. Isn't that right? Dollars. This much dollars is. Yeah.

Or is it more on the... It can't be from what I'm looking at. Interaction. What is that word? Interaction. Interaction. Start at the bottom then.

So, Kendall Jenner is number 10. She has 93 million followers at last look. Crikey, dick. So, her followers are New Zealand, Australia, and heaps of other countries combined. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah.

She can charge half a million dollars per post. And she's number 10 on this list. She's 10, yeah. Who was that New Zealander that got one of the Kardashians to do the waist trainers? Yeah, so there's a company, a New Zealand company, waist trainers, where you wear those tight things around your stomach. Essentially, what do you call that?

A corset. A corset, yeah. And Kylie Jenner posted about it. I think they paid $300,000, but that was a couple of years ago now. But Kylie Jenner posted about it. That's less than that. Yeah. And she's 10 on the list.

Yeah. Okay. These people have amassed a few more followers. And influencing and stuff, I feel like, has grown a lot in the past few years. Okay. Are you paying attention to this, Anya? Because you're a Bath influencer. And, you know, you do your Instagram stories from the Bath.

How much are you charging per post at the moment? I don't know if my rate card's too high. It's sort of about $2,000 per post at the moment. How many followers do you have? I'm 2,000. 2,000. Now, that's a dollar per follower. A dollar a follower.

Good. If you influence every one of them, they could easily spend a dollar. Have you just been doing your free stuff or have you had any bookings? Yeah, I think I might have to start peddling some stuff that I own and then it'll make like I've sort of been working with brands. Fake it till you make it. Yeah, and then more will jump on board after that. Obviously.

That's my plan. You've created sort of a vacuum effect and they want in. You understand it. I get you. So Kendall Jenner, half a mil for, she's placed number 10, 93 million followers. Lionel Messi, footballer, right? Yep. 97 million followers.

He gets half a mil. Number eight, Neymar De Silva Santos Jr. Yep. He's the rolling guy from the football world cup. Oh, right. He's the guy that threw himself down. Loves the Hollywood. Oh, yeah.

Okay. He has 100 million followers and he gets $600,000 per post. Okay. Justin Bieber comes in at number seven for the most profitable Instagram accounts. 101 million followers, $630,000 per post. Does he ever post paid posts? I don't know if I've seen sponsored products from him. No, I don't think so either.

Because I know the Kardashians do. I think he did Vans. Was he doing Vans recently? Right. Some kind of show. Because back in the day, they had him doing that acne cream. That's right, Proactive.

Proactive. Do you remember the just a member Proactive? Katy Perry as well. Yeah. There were quite a few famous people. Yeah. They wouldn't get that anymore. Number six, Dwayne Johnson, The Rock,

111 million followers, $650,000 per post. You say that, but I remember a story only a few months ago where he was charging a million for his movies to post about his movies that he's in. He used that as a special deal. Within the contract for movies. A lot of actors are doing that now as part of the promotion. I think Ryan Reynolds did that, didn't he? For Deadpool, too, but he was also an executive producer on that. Yeah, I think those package deals they make with them are massive.

No, but we're getting into the top five now. Okay. Most profitable Instagram accounts. Beyonce, 116 male followers, $700,000 per post. Oh, and she still hasn't made title work, has she, with Jay-Z? No. Have they given up on that? I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. You know when it started it's like, well, that's cute you're trying. Awkward, Kim Kardashian West, 114 million followers,

so less than Beyonce. Yeah. But she gets 720,000 per post, a little bit more than Beyonce. But she'd do way more of them than Beyonce, right?

She does. So many. Every post, she's getting quarter of a million dollars. Three quarters of a million. Three quarters of a million. No, what happened? Sorry. Seven quarters of a million.

Three quarters of a million. Yeah. It's insane. Yeah. Cristiano Ronaldo, 137 million followers, 750 per post. He's like one of the most followed people on Instagram. Yeah. Selena Gomez, 139 million followers, the most followed person on Instagram, gets $800,000

per post. But she's number two. I know who's number one. So for some reason, Kylie Jenner doesn't have the most followers, 111 million. She gets a million dollars per post on Instagram.

One picture on Instagram. Could we get a story? How much could we get for a story? Could we scrape together enough Fletch Vaughan and Megan budget to get a story? To get a story. I feel like her stories would almost be worth more because, you know, if like she's talking around it and stuff and that's what she does for her makeup line. People watch her stories.

How close was she to becoming a billionaire? She should just do a couple of Instagram posts. How close was she? It wasn't. A hundred million off? Oh, so she'd just do a couple of Instagram posts. She was... How close was she? It wasn't... 100 million off? Oh, so she'd need to do quite a few posts to get that

and a few more lip kits. Okay, so she's nearly there. One million per post. That's insane, isn't it? Yeah. Do you reckon those green team models are getting that?

Like Slim Tees? Slim Tees, yeah. Well, some of the Slim Tees must be paying that because the Kardashians have done Slim Tees? Slim Tees, yeah. Well, some of the Slim Tees must be paying that because the Kardashians have done Slim Tees. And those teddy bear hair lollies? How do they have the money? Those blue bears and they're like gummies

and they're like, these are amazing for your hair. It's like, oh, it's just lolly. Do you just push them in your hair? No, you eat them. It's like gummy lollies. How do they get in your hair? It's a vitamin. But then your hair's dead by the time it's outside.

And then you're getting fat from the lollies. Exactly. Oh, my God. But they have money to pay for the Kardashians to post about it. How long ago was it that we talked about your business idea, Megan? Your dog ice creams? Oh, God, why? Someone done that?

No, I'm just wondering how that's going. Couple of weeks, maybe? I think there's been some quiet behind the scenes. Have you been doing, like, testing? Have you done anything? Yeah. Have you taken steps towards... I've made a couple of flavours.

I know. She told me about it. I was very impressed. How did it go? Good. Leo loves it. So I've got to do some more testing. I'm actually going to go talk to a vet to see how I can make it more nutritionist.

Nutritionist? Nutritionist. Nutritionist. Nutritional. Nutritionist. Nutritionist. Nutritionist. Nutritional. Nutritionist. Yeah. Oh, my God. Nutritionist.

Hi, I'm making a dog ice cream and I was wondering how to make it more... Beg your pardon? You know, full of vitamins. Make it more... What are you trying to tell me? Are they going to, like, charge you for seeing that? I don't know.

No, just take Leo. Of course they will. You're taking time. He needs his nails clipped. By the way, like you with your kids. Take your dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take my kids for a free check-up while I'm here.

Can I have a colonoscopy? Mrs. Smith, we can't do that. Do that at home on your own time no the reason I ask I tried but my GoPro is not one of those little session ones it's like a bigger

yeah okay plus I've already lost two up there and then you know can't keep going back to the same JB Hi-Fi buying another GoPro

can I $600 a pop is an expensive fetish you've got oh it's a pop yeah but this is why I ask, because it's very entrepreneurial of you

to start your own business and to get into, you know, maybe the world of dog ice cream. Yeah. A study has found, now this was published Wednesday in the Journal of Proceedings of the Royal Society. It found that cat feces

and a parasite in cat feces have an influence on risk-taking and entrepreneurial behaviour. So people that are exposed to this bacteria take risks and are more entrepreneurial. Wow. I read that as... Is it correlation? Is causation?

Or is it just that people who work in business are more likely to have cats? So they tested people and those that were tested positive for the parasite, Toxoplasma gondii. It's the same thing that can be really, really bad for you if you're pregnant. Yeah, it can be. They said they were more likely to major in business and be professionals. And professionals are more likely to start their business with those that were tested positive. Isn't that crazy?

So what I'm saying... Does it give you runny poos? Because I'm just thinking you have a constant sense of urgency. I think you get it from undercooked food and, you know, touching the... Because I'll always, if I empty my cat litter box, I'm always washing my hands thoroughly. It'd be crazy not to. And, you know, always using the scooper.

Yeah, and you don't have a side business, do you? Well, no, and I haven't had the urge to have a side business. So if I do decide to go into business, maybe get me checked. If all of a sudden you come to work and you're, like, suited up and you're carrying a briefcase, they're like, did you wash your hands the weekend? You're like, no, why? And I'd be like, well, it's because of you.

I'll stop you there, Vaughn, I've got a nine o'clock. I've got to go. But this is what you might need, a cat or some exposure to get the business to the next level. You know, I'm allergic to cats though. So how's this happened? You're going to have to do business the hard way then. Is my dog secretly a cat?

No, it doesn't say you can get it from dog. That's so weird. No, it's primarily a cat. A bacteria thingy. But they're fascinating, and it's been published, like legit medical findings. The parasite makes you more entrepreneurial. Yeah.

Wow. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello there. A day yesterday, a 20-kilometre-wide body of water lies beneath Mars' ice cap, apparently. So there is... Is it drinkable? Or they don't know?

I don't... It just blows my mind even from over yonder. Yep. We can be like, oh, it's briny water. So it's like a salty sort of... Oh, like what they put in like tins.

Yeah, the brine to keep... Like tuna and brine. Cornbread. Yeah, brine some beef, that sort of stuff. Yeah. I don't know how they can tell it. They say akin to lakes

buried beneath the Antarctic ice sheet on Earth. Hmm. I don't know. Maybe because they can just see it's similar to what we've got so there's some assumptions being made.

But heck, I'm no NASA scientist, but... Oh, imagine the underwater creatures on Mars. I know. But there could be life on Mars in the water.

There could be, like, bacteria. And you think about some of the crazy conditions that bacteria lives on on Earth. Like my kombucha. Yeah. I mean kombucha, full stop.

It doesn't make the list of the six uses for this water on Mars, but kombucha could be. Yeah. It could be the seventh. Yeah. Bonus thing to do. So today's top six uses for this water on Mars. Number six, a lovely garden water feature with koi carp. Oh, Kelda, lovely. So you take some koi carp to Mars. Number six, a lovely garden water feature with koi carp. Oh,

lovely. Take some koi carp to Mars. Yeah. I mean, it's an invasive species that we've been trying to get out of our rivers for the better part of 20 years. Mars can have it. Mars can have some koi carp. What could possibly go wrong? Number five on the list of the top six uses for the water on Mars. Just make a huge mud puddle, but because it's on

Mars, it'll be red. Oh, okay. So that would be quite cool. Yeah. Make a red mud puddle but because it's on Mars it'll be red. Oh, okay. So that would be quite cool. Yeah. Make a red mud puddle. You could even like mould some of it in your hand and make like some

little red like clay balls. Nice. That could be a fun way to pass some time on Mars. A mud mask? Yes. That could be very good

for your skin. Or a cynic and toxic and melt your face right. Or a face peel. Either way. Yeah, either way. Microabrasive. Yeah.

Number four on the list of the top six uses for water on Mars, a water park. Oh, yes. To get there, they reckon it's going to be nine months of isolation to get to Mars. And, you know, probably a one-way trip. So when you get there, a log flume at the least, you know, a wave pool, and nobody to tell you to wait for the green light on the Hydra slide. Just pin it.

Just pin it down the Hydra slide. Number three on the list of the top six uses for this water on Mars. It's great news because I'd imagine when we build on Mars, we're going to have a wonderful selection of indoor plants. You've got your fiddle leaf ficus. You've got a peace lily. Lucky bamboo. Devil's ivy.

Monstera. Majesty palm. Monstera. Oh, yeah. Oh, big, lush green leaves. And you need to keep those watered, don't you, Fletch? Yeah, I haven't killed a plant for ages. I don't like that.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw a dead plant. I don't like that. Oh, you know, that was different. That's the cat that did that. He eats it. I just hear rustling in the middle of the night. I'm like, stop it. Wrecking another plant.

He eats it to death. Yeah. Number two on the list of the top six uses for water on Mars, and this one's very good for intern Anya, who's not only a radio intern, but also a bath influencer. Would you be interested on a one-way trip to Mars so you don't get to come back, but you get to be the first person to have a bath on Mars? That'd be

a bloody great gram. It would be. Do you get 4G in Mars? Well, you'd probably have to send it back the same way the rover sends pictures back. And then just tell us what you want as a caption. I'm an influencer. I don't know how you want as a caption. I'm an influencer. I don't know how the internet works.

Okay. Right. I don't know. Okay. You can take some bath bombs or something. Oh, yeah. That'd be great.

And the number one used for this water on Mars that's been discovered, having a delicious, refreshing soda stream when the astronauts get to Mars. Oh, yum. You got all the way there

and you've been breathing out carbon dioxide. They bottle that pressuriser. Yep. Then you get out. Put the astronauts get to Mars. Oh, yum. You got all the way there and you've been breathing out carbon dioxide. They bottle that pressuriser. Then you get out, put the water in the bottle. Don't forget the flavour. Oh, no. Imagine if you've got your lime flavour back on Earth. That's how you know it's time to stop.

That's today's Top 6. We'd like to talk about this morning what your parents have kept from you. Maybe when you were a kid, they lied to you and didn't tell you something. Or they might not have lied to you, they just might have not told you the whole truth. Yeah. Well, I'm guessing if you were adopted, it would be hard to tell like at a young age, right? So you'd wait until they were older, but then it might be hard to bring it up. There might be something they really want to tell you

but they can't. Which is kind of the case for Prince George. Now, Kate and Wills have decided to keep the fact that he is third in line from the throne from him because Wills said that when he was younger it was such a burden on him and he just grappled with the thought, the magnitude of it as he grew up.

So he's like, I don't want to put that on George. So for as long as we can, we're going to keep from him the fact that he could be king one day. So he can have a normal childhood. It would be a lot to take in. It would be,

but then he's going to find out at school, right? As soon as he starts going to school, people are going to be like, you're going to be king one day. He'll be like, what? Yeah. He's, how early do you reckon he's going to be people are going to be like you're going to be king one day he'll be like what yeah he's

how early do you your third line of the throne tosser but how old do you why would you say tosser why would you say that what I'm just saying other kids

would say stuff like that like how do you mean no he goes to a fancy school I don't think they sound like that your third line of the throne tosser no you're still like Cockney but in a higher voice

um do posh here you third line of the throne tosser yeah there you go that's much better that's the teacher No, you're still like Cockney, but in a higher voice. Do posh. Here you are, thin, light with a thin torso. Yeah, there you go. That's the teacher. Oh, yeah. Where's your hobo? He would get to a certain age where he would understand that.

Yeah. What age do you reckon that is? Like seven or something? But it's one of those weird things. If you knew it from the moment you grew up, surely that's better than at 12 you sit down with mum and dad they're like we need to talk about something and you're like yeah I've already got pubes

and they're like no it's something else one day you're going to be king of England what surely if you know about it from an earlier age it'd be all about the parents saying look it's nothing to worry about you don't have to know about it from an earlier age and it'd be all about the parents saying,

look, there's nothing to worry about. You don't have to worry about it now. Playing it down. He's going to see photos of himself in magazines when he's like eight. Yeah. What's the deal here? Be like, your parents are famous.

You're all right, though. You just chill. But I guess as long as they can, they'll keep it from him. Yeah. That might be a good way to do it. Well, yeah, Will experienced it the other way around. So he's decided this is how he wants to do it. He wants to hide be a good way to do it. Well, yeah, Will experienced it the other way around, so he's decided this is how he wants to do it. He wants to hide that he's

going to be king. So that's why we want to ask you this morning, what did your parents keep from you? Yeah, I don't think my parents kept anything from me. Like, no, well, I mean, I'm not going to be Oh my God, am I going to be the king of England? You sure? Have they still not told me? But there might be something quite heavy and deep.

Like maybe you had a, like, I mean, it's not entertaining, is it? But maybe you had a younger brother or sister and they aren't here anymore. Oh, yeah. You know, like, or maybe your dad isn't your dad. And you don't find out until you're 18. Or 22 or 30. Just because it's never been easy. There's never been the right moment.

I don't know. I imagine there might be some quite heavy stories. Somebody's already messaged in. Their parents always told them they were an only child. Until I accidentally found out about my brother and sister from my dad's first marriage when I was 16. And this was just the start of me finding out all the messy family lies. Whoa. Okay, that's juicy. That's quite intense.

You think when you're a teenager and your hormones are racing, you're changing and everything's a massive deal. Imagine finding that out. That is a massive deal. And then everything is a more massive deal. Alright, so 0800 Darls at M9696. What did your parents keep from you?

We are talking about what your parents kept from you because Kate and Wills, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, I should call them, have decided to keep

from George the fact that he is third in line for the throne. Just so it's easier on him because it was... It was hard on Wills when he was growing up.

It's hardly a big thing to keep from him. He's going to find out one day. But wow, there are some text messages and some calls coming through. What have your parents kept from you? This text message. When I was four, I was kidnapped.

Are you kidding me? I was away for two to three hours. I found out from my cousin when I was older, maybe nine or ten, and I started piecing together weird memories I had. I managed to run away from the guy and find my way home, but yes, I was probably kidnapped. At four, and they can recall

bits and pieces. Yeah, but they weren't actually told. Oh, that's weird. Okay, Holly, good morning. What did your parents keep from you? Hey, good morning, team. So my mum passed away last year. Okay, sorry. We were on a family holiday to see my dad.

Yeah. And someone let loose that he potentially wasn't actually my dad. Someone just let loose? What did they say? I don't think you were her dad. Oh, just like your dad might not actually be your dad. And then did you confront your dad? Oh, just, like, your dad might not actually be your dad. And then, did you confront your dad? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We had a bit of a chat and he kind of confirmed, but it's all good. There's no worries, you know. He's always been my dad. Yeah. 100% he played

the role of dad, didn't he? So he's as good as dad. Hopefully, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you found your real dad? Like your birth, sorry, your birth?

Well, nah, I've never really looked into it because it's like... You don't need him? You don't need one? Nah, my dad's my dad. He wasn't there and yeah, your dad's your dad, okay. Yeah. Wow. Okay.

I don't know because my mum's passed away, so how will I know? Yeah. True. Wow, that's crazy. Thanks so much for your call, Holly. Catherine, what did your parents Keep from you? They kept my sister

From me So I didn't know Until my late teens That I actually Had a sister So my mum Tells that my dad Actually had an affair

Right So is she A step sister? No So she's my half sister Half sister That's what you call it Yeah that's right

Okay So we didn't Actually meet Until I turned 18. Wow. And what was it like? Did she look like you? Do you guys get along?

The getting along part is on and off, but she does look quite similar. So yeah, it's very weird. I've known my brother my whole life and now getting on is very on and off as well. It sounds completely normal. Separation or not, that happens. Vought and I both, we find it both weird when brothers and sisters get on 24-7.

Yeah, it's weird. But I really like that my daughters get on, but I find it weird when other people get on. Do you think that will last, though? Hopefully. Hopefully, yeah. All fingers crossed. Thanks, Catherine.

Michael, what did your parents keep from you? We had this pet cow that used used to ride to the cow. She was back when we were young, and she got sent off to greener pastures. What was the cow's... Did the cow have a name, or do you not name... Peaches. Peaches.

Peaches. Okay, and Michael, you used to ride the cow. Yeah, yeah. She only had, like, one foot. She only had one toe, so it was kind of like you knew which cow she Yeah, yeah. She only had like one foot. She only had one toe. So it was kind of like you knew which cow she was. And she was always laughing. So it was a piece to jump on.

Oh, right, getting the cows and you'd jump on. And when did they finally tell you that Peaches was RIP? I think we were about 15. Wow. We both cried. Yeah, it's hard. You sound like it still affects you a wee bit. It was really...

No, it was bad back in the day. Oh, peaches. Wow. She's a favourite, peaches. Do you think if you went to talk to a psychologist about this, they'd take you seriously? They have to. They're paid to take you seriously.

You can't go to a psychiatrist and they laugh at you. They laugh after you leave. Oh, I had this guy come in today about a pet cow. Peaches. In my mind, they always go home and as they're opening a bottle of red wine, like an expensive bottle of red wine, they'll be like, you'll never guess what this person came in about today. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I would be devastated too, though, to find out my parents lied all that time. Yeah. Easier, though. Issues. Years later, Michael, thanks for your call. I asked him text messages. Somebody said, here's a Jeremy Kyle story for you

when I was an intermediate I befriended a boy and I was telling my mum about him she was worried I was getting a crush on this boy and proceeded to say

that's your half brother okay you've got the same father as him and you know we don't talk to the dad anymore

but your dad and his dad are the same person. Wow. Okay. This boy didn't know his dad was my dad as well. He was told that his dad had passed away when he was two. Hell of a thing to deal with when you're intermediate age.

Long story short, everything ended up coming out of the woodwork, and he now knows his actual dad is alive, but obviously a bit of a runner by the fact that he's run out on two women and their children. And he has me as a sister. Wow. Wow. And they didn't kiss? No.

Well, they may have, but that detail's been left out, excluded. Somebody said, I'm a 43-year-old twin and my parents have never told myself or my twin who the older twin is. Is that a thing? Without information.

I know twins, and twins love to say, I'm the older by four seconds. Or however long it takes to squeeze one out after the other one. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. A minute? A few minutes. Two hours? Could be.

Yeah. Any time. It varies. Yeah, but twins love to say that, I'm the oldest. Yeah, listen to me. I'm the oldest twin. Yeah. By minutes. But then I knew a twin who was born me. I'm the oldest twin. Yeah. By minutes.

But then I knew a twin who was born before midnight and the other twin was born after midnight, so they claimed a whole day. That would be great. Yeah, they claimed a whole day of wisdom over the other twin. Okay. Many secrets. Next on the show, another edition of This Is Why I'm Fat.

I thought we weren't going to do this on Fridays. That's the best day of the week to do it. Guilt free. Yeah. This Is Why I'm fat. I thought we weren't going to do this on Fridays. That's the best day of the week to do it. Guilt free. Yeah. Well, this, it may even be too much for me. Okay. Today's episode of This Is Why We're Fat involves a cheeseburger. Let me describe you Dom Dom's Burger in Japan.

This is Japan's first homegrown fast food burger chain. So they've got a McDonald's and everything, but this is a Japanese burger chain. They've got a limited edition cheeseburger, which has two beef patties. Yep. Onions, tomato, a slice of yellow cheese. So your standard cheeseburger? Yeah. Yep. Onions, tomato, a slice of yellow cheese. So your standard cheeseburger? Yeah. Yep.

I would have said one more patty than usual. Okay. Yeah. If you get a two patty cheeseburger, you know. It's a double cheeseburger. You're balling. You're balling. But instead of buns, it has a wheel of camembert cheese cut in half.

Oh my. Long ways. Yeah. So split it down the middle and pull it apart and fill it with all the... And then eat it. You're eating. Oh, and it would melt a little bit. It'd get pretty gooey.

Oh, it'd melt. It'd be so yum. I mean, Camembert's got that lovely, like, white sort of, like, waxy stuff on it that holds it all together. I mean, you'd wake up in the morning and be like... And it'd probably have to unclog your arteries. Halfway through it, your heart would be like... After you'd had horrific dreams. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, the cheese dreams would be bad. Look at this. I've got a photo of it. It's not mucking around. Wow. Okay. It's like a proper wheel of cheese. It's not some little wheel of cheese or some real thin wheel of cheese.

Well, there's no greens in that at all, is there? Oh, no, ma'am. I can't even see pickle. There's onion. Onion and tomato, sure. But, yeah, no lettuce, no nothing. Is cheese high in calories? Like, would that be?

I Googled it. Yeah. But I didn't know if you wanted me to say or not. Go on, because I'll be interested to know. It's a wheel of camembert, right? Yep. Yeah, okay. Average about 750 calories for the wheel.

For a wheel of cheese? That's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Really? I love cheese. I don't care with cheese. Nah, you can't worry about cheese. It's got protein in it and stuff. But then what about the rest of it?

How much is it all going to total? Because I just Googled a KFC double down is about 600 calories. So it's almost a middle. But you know that when you're eating it, you just suspend your caring. Yeah, and like we said, it's Friday, so you can eat whatever you want. Yeah, this is guilt free. I would love to see someone make this at home. Oh, you'd be able to make it easy.

How do you stop it from melting and dribbling, or is that the whole point? I think that's the whole point. Okay. It doesn't, in all the photos, it wasn't like super, super hot looking patties because they would melt it, but it just made them a little bit gooey, but nothing too crazy.

Okay. Well, it's why. Fat. This is why. Fat. This is why. This is why. This is why. Fat. This is why. Fat. This is why. This is why. This is why.

Fat. FEM. City. Actually, this is cool because it's a New Zealand story because we often hear, like, police calls released from overseas. Is it a law in America that all the 911 calls are, like, public? Not in every state. It's state to state.

Right. Oh, okay. Yeah. So we've heard some, or we're about to play some audio from police comms. Okay. But it's not serious. It's a very cute story. So an Auckland boy rang 111,

as kids often do. I imagine this is quite a nightmare. Like you've got to tell them it's serious. You don't call 111 if it's not an emergency. But this young boy thought it was like an emergency that he needed the police. And he called several times, so his mum had to call them back and explain.

Hello? Hi, this is Jim from police. Hi. Hi. I'm very sorry. Yeah. That was my five-year-old son. He was just telling me that he wanted to invite the police to he wanted them call the police

because he wanted them to come to his police-themed fifth birthday party. A police-themed birthday party? Amazing. If you're a kid and you're like, how do I get hold of the police? I know. 1-1-1.

1-1-1. 1-1-1 and ask for the police. Their mum had probably taught him how to call 1-1-1 in case of an emergency. Well, it is an emergency. I mean, look how, even as a grown woman, your birthday party this weekend, Megan, there's been a lot of anxiety. Yeah. Are people going to come?

So many people were like, oh, I can't come, including Fletch. So, I don't know. We'll see. More cheese for me. So, I mean, five and, you know, 45, whatever. Excuse me. It's still there, the anxiety, isn't it? Yeah.

So Zachary, yeah, wanted the police to come along. Now, the story doesn't end there because they were like, ha ha. No. They tased the mum. Zachary had his birthday party and there was a knock on the door and the police turned up to Zach's birthday.

So they've obviously filmed this. It's a nice little PR exercise from the New Zealand police. You'll see this video everywhere today. Don't say that. Unless, of course, you had your car stolen this week. And then you're like, don't be one of those people. I know that was cynical. If they get a call for an emergency, of course, they're going to go and do it.

But in their spare time, they managed to make a young boy with their party. I know, I completely agree. It's super cute because they turn up and he's real shy at the start. They were like, can we come in? And he said, no. The police are here. And then they end up like,

probably because his mum and dad gave him a rock up after they got off the phone with the police saying, you do that again, they're going to come and take you to prison. And then they turn up. They're here. But they took his whole party outside.

They gave him a police vest to put on and he got to boo. Now, I don't know if they scheduled the police eagle helicopter to fly over, but it flew over as well. He got a flyby. He got a flyby. Got to play with the lights and the sirens. Was he in West Auckland? No, Counties Manukauza. Oh, right.

Okay. So it was just a timing. Native bird. Super cute videos. I'm all started. I'm all started. Get started. Don't get fleshed outed.

Don't get fleshed outed in here. Don't get fleshed outed. Don't get fleshed outed in here. Yeah. This segment will be the death of me one day when I have an aneurysm. You just need to chill out about stuff. This was weird. Well, it didn't affect you in any way whatsoever either.

No, none of these things do. No, but the airport lines, you understand, because it hinders him. Oh, he gets stuck in the airport lines. Oh, don't get me started on the airport lines. You're going away this weekend, aren't you? I hope one security scanner is open. What a great start to the weekend for you. If anyone's in front of you in the line, please go slow.

Take your time. Oh, and forget things in your pockets. Yeah. Don't, please don't. I like how every time we start this segment, there's just a little bit more banter about airport queues, but we never really get to it. So, when was your birthday?

Two days ago? 25th. 25th. Wednesday. So, Megan was your birthday? Two days ago? 25th. 25th. Wednesday. So, Megan was just talking about her birthday and everything. And Megan, what did you say? This was from your in-laws. So, Mr. Toyboy's parents.

Yes. Mr. Toyboy Senior and Mrs. Toygirl Junior Senior. Don't call her Toygirl. No, I don't know what you'd call. Mrs. Toy Boy's mum. Yeah. I know, because even Mrs. Pappas is weird now, because that's me. That's you.

They got me a new car alarm and beeper thing for my car, Ruby, my little Mazda MX-5, because you know that I've had troubles with that. I've got one little alarm beeper left, and it's not attached to car keys because it's broken. So I literally have to carry it everywhere and I leave it everywhere. Sometimes it doesn't work. And a lot of the time it doesn't work. So they were like, look, we're going to fix this for you and get you a new car alarm installed.

And I was like, man, that's handy. What a great gift. I was over the moon because it drives me nuts every single day. Murch has practicalise. Yeah. And I never spend money on things that actually will help my life. Yeah. So this is when

Fletch pipes up and says, Well, you don't get your parents-in-law presents and they shouldn't get you presents. Of course I get them presents. Okay, they've spent hundreds of dollars on you. You don't need them to spend hundreds

of dollars on you. You should get your own beeper. They've been putting off fixing for like four years. But that's what makes this present so thoughtful and good is that it is something she's been putting off and somebody's sold it. But Megan has a job. Yeah, but it's like when people have birthdays

like presents are kind of thoughtful. If everybody who had a job didn Yeah, but it's like when people have birthdays like presents are kind of thoughtless. If everybody who had a job didn't get birthday presents, it would be pretty sting having a birthday. No, but get them at like, okay, Christmas. Get each other presents. But birthday, you don't need a present from their parents anymore. I agree. It was very like

it's quite expensive and I'm very grateful. Do your parents get him anything for his birthday? Yeah. Why though? It's not necessary. I'm very grateful. Do your parents get him anything for his birthday? Yeah. Why though? It's not necessary. Because he's family. Yeah, he's family.

He's like officially on paper now. Oh no, that's weird. Legally him the family. I don't know, I just think that's weird. They've spent hundreds of dollars on you. They've been like, oh God. No, that's weird. It should be a little present, if anything,

like a voucher or a small present under $10 or $20. Oh, my God. Not worth hundreds of dollars. Fletch. You're joking, eh? Well, what do you get? Do Sade's parents get you birthday presents? Yeah, well, Sade's mum does.

Sade's dad doesn't get anybody presents. He's more like me, eh? He's very much like you. Sensible. Sensible. Oh, my darling, you know our thoughts are with you on your birthday.

That's enough. That's him. Yeah, that's enough. Yeah, I got a massage about you this year for like a 60-minute massage. Okay. At a day spa.

So it's $70, $80, maybe a bit more. Quite a bit more than that. It was an ooh-la-la one. Yeah, it was an ooh-la-la one. It's not hundreds of dollars. And we get them presents. Take away the value of it.

You're saying you shouldn't get your in-laws presents at all. Well, not for birthdays. Christmas, maybe, yes. My mum gives my wife money. Because she's like, I don't know what to get you, so here's some money. Shada's like, no, no, no, I don't want your money. She's like, take it! Everybody gets the same.

Everybody gets, Shada gets the same as I do. Right. As a biological child. You see, you should get more. That's not fair. That's just another issue I've got there. You should get more. You're her son.

Yeah, but technically she's like your daughter now. You know? Yeah. I don't know. I mean, you're married. It's all the same money, isn't it, really? Yeah, exactly. In fact, I think when I got given money, Shada spent it. I don't know. I mean, you're married. It's all the same money, isn't it, really? Yeah, exactly. In fact, I think when I got given money,

Shade spent it. I don't know. All right, well, we done. That really got me riled up. I don't know why. So you don't expect presents from... No, and that's why I don't even want birthday presents because people get you stupid stuff

that you don't use, don't they? At least it's money. Fletch said to me the day before my birthday, see you tomorrow. Don't expect a present. Well, I'm managing expectations. But then the good thing is you don't expect presents. You tell people not to expect presents from you,

but you also don't expect presents from people. Exactly, yeah. So it's even. And then when people do get your presents for your birthday, you just leave them at work, even though at the time you said you really liked it. What are you referring to? Maybe your grandma trolley thing you used to have to take home.

I'm waiting till I walk home in the dark when no one can see it. Friday Flashback! He said this time last week, and it was Megan's Friday Flashback, that he was going to play this. He's put a wig on to back himself. I've gone into a rock character, Bogan rock costume for this.

You know what? I blame intern Anya here. She is egging me along. She's been gunning for this for a long time. And she's been tagging me in memes every day this week, saying, I'm excited for Friday. You've picked well. Now, can I remind you that we've let intern Anya pick once and she picked Smash Mouth.

And it was like, people loved it. We all were like, no, no, no, no, no. But I tell you what, she read the barometer of the audience and she nailed it. Yeah, but this time it comes under Fletcher's name. I've just influenced him. I appreciate him. Yeah, she has peer-appreciated me.

Now, I said this is a humorous song. It wasn't intended to be a humorous song, but it has since become a song synonymous with meme. Memes. A lot of memes. Memes online. We've had many a laugh at this band on the show. And before you announce it,

I just want to float the idea of behind the scenes, the producers and I have been talking about a probation period. Should this receive enough really bad feedback, like a game of Uno, we're going to skip your next round. No, but he would like that because he doesn't like choosing. I reckon you should do it again until you get one right. Right, he has to keep going until he gets one that it... No. Megan, how many times has Megan been on probation with her pics?

I know, but she's... No, that's only because Vaughn chooses to read the bad texts. Wow. Caitlin's nodding. Caitlin's nodding. Now, okay, I will admit from the start that this song

is a horrible song, but it is undeniably a sing-along song. Everybody is going to know the words to this song. It was number four in New Zealand. Is that where it peaked

on the charts? Yeah, and you know what? Around the world, it was a top 10 to 15 song in every single country. I totally would have think the band would have made enough. Top 10 to 15? Well, like a top 15 song, but top 10. In most countries, it was in the single figures, in the charts.

This band would have made enough money to retire off this song alone, right? Yes. So if you would look at the overall selling artists in Canada, we're all talking about these bands. This is 10 to 15. This is top 10 to 15 all over again. The top selling artists of all time from Canada. Well, no, this band is Canadian.

The only people above them, Celine Dion, Shania Twain, and Michael Bublé. Oh, my God. What about Justin Bieber? No, Sarah McLachlan. Drake and Justin Bieber are way down the list compared to this band. So think about that when you're about to mow into me for this. Lolz of a song. I can't even press play.

I'm honestly. I cannot press play. Somebody said it better not be effing and then they actually nail who it is. It is, it is, it is. But what the hell is on Joey's head? Like, seriously. Look at this. Oh, my God.

I'm having trouble. It makes me run. Oh, God. It's so bad. It gets so wet. Here's the line. And what the hell is on Joey's head? It looks like a trophy.

Here I go. I'll dig the prison. I'm gonna fix it up. I never knew we ever went without The second floor is hot for sneaking out This is where I went to school Most of the time had better things to do Criminal records says I broke him twice I must have done it half a dozen times

I wonder if it's too late Should I go back and try to graduate Life's better now than it was back then If I was them I wouldn't let me Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh God Every memory of looking out the back door I have a photo of him spread out on my bedroom floor It's hard to say it, time to say it

Goodbye, goodbye Every memory of walking out the front door I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for It's hard to say it, time to say it Time to say it Goodbye Goodbye Look at this photograph Every time I do it makes me laugh

Every time I do it makes me Well, who's singing along? It's your Friday flashback on ZDM. I might have... There were like four times in that song I was like, they could have stopped the song there. But it kept going. After the first chorus. I apologise. But you know, we needed a laugh on Friday,

didn't we? I feel like if you embraced it, it was all good. But I don't need to hear that song again, ever. I'm done. Yeah, I'm good for 10, 15 years. Now, you floated a probation. What did the people say? Yeah, we know probation is shit. Thanks, Fletch. Now, you floated a probation. What did the people say? There'll be no probation issued. Oh!

Thanks, Fletch. Pretty sure I burst my car speakers. I might be the only one that actually likes Nickleback. Oh, and the woman in the car next to me. That's what somebody sent a message to. You're all welcome. You're all welcome. There is, I mean, a fair bit of bad,

but everybody can appreciate that it's bad, good, good, goody, bad, bad. Okay, well well maybe I should do Creed that next time then. Hey, hey, hey, hey. We'll let you away with a mercy killing. We're not going to let you start mass murdering. It's not acceptable. Very nice of you.

I'd like to thank Intern Anya for really pushing me to play Nickelback and believe in yourself. She's got a 100% record, I think. I think also we need Internanya to bring up a moment that happened to her yesterday because this was, by all accounts, quite hilarious. Where were you, the doctors?

Yeah, I was getting a blood test yesterday in a very quiet waiting room. Dead, dead silent. And foolishly went in lunchtime rush hour. So packed waiting room. Right. And no one was making a sound. There was no music on, nothing.

Well, I don't like when places do that. Like, do you remember when the toilets here had no music? Yeah. And people would wait, and then you'd wash your hands, and you'd hear everyone rushing to do their business because there was noise. Especially when there's blood tests involved. Like, I get a bit feinty. I need something to, like, distract me from what's about to happen.

Waiting rooms should have music as loud as Supre. I think you can't even think. No, and all you hear in a quiet waiting room is... And not a single cough is muffled by a hand. Yuck. Yeah, the worst. It was not ideal. It was not ideal.

Right, not ideal. Silent. Until this old mate, he was probably late 60s, was tapping away on his phone, a phone wallet, I will add, on his index finger. Keystrokes still on. And was the phone a metre away? Because old people love to use their index finger and be like...

Yeah, and his glasses were perched right at the end of his nose. Of course they were. I'm going to keep making this noise to set the scene. This is very nice. And then, well, good luck doing this bit because he opened up a video of a woman having adult fun times. My goodness. Like on a roller coaster.

Wait, wait, wait. Was it one of those? Was it a woman on a roller coaster? Of sorts. Okay. She was screaming. Was it actually a video of that? Or was it one of those clever videos where they go like,

make sure you've got the sound on. You're going to want to hear this. And it's like a picture of an animal, but it makes the female sounds. I think it was a me-me. Yeah. Oh, no. He got Rick rolled of the female sounds. I think it was a me-me. Yeah. Oh no. He got Rick rolled of the highest way. Oh no. Yeah. Was he embarrassed?

Because you said the waiting room was full. Yeah, and he was frantically trying to close it with his finger and oh me oh my, it was the best. Me oh my. Did he shut his wallet? Because my mum's got a phone wallet and when she panics, she just shuts it. No, that might have worked better.

He was just like, ooh! That should have done it. Just shut. Oh, that's embarrassing. That's not good. The trouble, like if you just shut it,

like if you shut your laptop, sometimes when you open it it'll just continue. Would that happen for your phone? No. It would probably actually shut it down. Because then you have to be careful

when you reopen it. It could be even worse. You might have to reopen it and it'll say, put it in your pin, you'll be like, and then it'll be straight back into it again. Yeah, you don't want that. But I find that can happen with, if you're

going through Insta or Snapchat stories. Oh yeah. Because you don't know what your friends are going to post. No. But you know, it could be loud, screaming, you know, whatever. Swearing inappropriate. You've got to watch that too. Yeah, you've got to watch when you're in public. Yeah.

Would it have happened? I mean, old mates, it happens to people but young people it happens to as well, I guess if you're just opening it and you've got your phone up super loud. Anybody else listening this morning opened their phone and whatever was playing wasn't suitable to the

environment where they opened their phone. I've heard that the urban legend of people being in uni lectures with their laptops and not knowing that their headphones weren't plugged in. Oh. Or the headphone connection loses and then some sounds come out. Yeah, they can hear it in one ear, but it's also going through the speakers. Yeah. So you want to hear from people that have been in this situation or

witnessed it? Well, witnesses are probably more likely to ring up and say that they've seen such a situation. Well, maybe it was. Maybe it was a baby boomer that opened a naughty video and couldn't get out of it. Public transport, I know people, because you can't, when they slope up at the back of the buses, you can kind

of, without really much effort at all, you can see. Alright, well, 0800 they slope up at the back of the buses, you can kind of, without really much effort at all, you can see. Peek over and see in there. All right, well, 0800-DANCE-NM-9696. When have you opened your phone to inappropriate content or maybe you've witnessed somebody? In public. Open their phone in public. We were just discussing this on air

when people open up a video, maybe it's a meme that tricks you and it plays rude sounds in public. After a waiting room incident yesterday witnessed by Intern Anya. And Megan, you could have easily piped up on air, but you waited off air to tell us a lol story that you can relate to. That generally means someone in the show doesn't want that story repeated on air, in my experience.

Because I feel like even when I tell the story, everyone's going to be like, yeah, right. Tell everyone what happened. I was at a hotel and Mr. Toyboy, my husband, as a laugh, had opened up some adult content. I was there. As a laugh. As a laugh. As a laugh.

Here we go. As a laugh. Here we go. And when I went to this hotel, I couldn't get the Wi-Fi working. So I went down to the concierge and I was like, hey, I'll put in the password. I don't know what's happening. And when he, you know how you go to Safari on your phone? And it'll bring up the log and you put your hotel number and your surname in.

Yeah. So once he'd done that, the last content opened up and kind of just carried on. And that's when I was like, oh, funny story. Not me. My partner. And he's like, no judgment here. I was like, oh, funny story. Not me. My partner, and he's like, no judgment here. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, not me. I'll tell you immediately what he thought. They were checking if you could load porn on the hotel Wi-Fi.

Yeah, see, I told you. Now, everyone, no one believes my story. Okay. Bex, what happened? All right, so I was a receptionist at a dental practice. Yeah. And it was dead quiet, right? Yeah.

And I was just scrolling through Facebook, as you do, and I happened to click on one of the videos. It was like a normal video, and then all of a sudden a girl started moaning, and my phone was on full volume, and I panicked. I panicked, and I couldn't turn it off and it kept going. And then the dental assistant came out and she was like, what the hell are you doing?

And I, oh. You imagine just get you, someone was in that dental chair though and they're about to get injections and then they hear, ah, ah. Yeah, literally. And it was so quiet as well. And I was just so embarrassed. I think someone's been murdered in reception. Thanks for your call, Ibex. Anna, what happened?

We bought a house and we were at the real estate agent and we were finding all the documents and there was me, my husband and the real estate agent. And I had to get into my phone to find out our lawyer's details and opened it and there was something about naughty

I love it I had to get his details open and there was something about naughty and I just had to own it because everyone was looking at my phone and it came on and it started moaning and stuff and I just had to own it because everyone was looking at my phone and so it came on and it started moaning and stuff and I was just like

oh yeah that was last night honey and my husband looked just like oh god and the real estate agent just had a wee giggle I just wiped it and he wondered why you were so set on a house With double glazed windows And a basement

Whoa Whoa A basement Weird insight into Fletcher's life there Cole what happened Four of us were getting into the car To get off on a work trip Four boys I might add

And we turned on the car Someone get off on a work trip, four boys I might add, and we turned on the car, someone's phone automatically connected up on the Bluetooth, and on some of the stereo it just starts playing the last clip. 100%, yeah, starts playing whenever the audio is connected. So off it went, and there was some sounds, and there was that awkward moment where all four of us kind of looked at each other and pulled our phones out quickly to check who it was, and it wasn't me because I was in the driver's seat as we were about to leave, and one of the fellas in the back had a bit of an awkward story

to explain to us. You've got to be careful because Bluetooth, if you've got several devices at home, you can pull in with the car and it can connect to other devices. It's mounted and you can kind of get caught out. Thanks for your call, Cole.

Can you? No, weren't you telling me that your phone switches? But you didn't get caught out. Oh no, it's my wife's phone connects to our, if I pull in the car and she's at home on the phone with her mum, all of a sudden it'll connect. That was why I was like, sharpen up.

Yeah, right. Okay. Got to know these things. Somebody said I was getting a nice relaxing foot massage in Thailand. So, you know, very quiet, maybe some light, atmospheric, relaxing sounds. And they have those soundtracks that I think is, and I don't know, they all play it, don't they? Yeah. Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop.

I mean, that's terrible, but I know what you mean. Yeah, it's very calming. There was a video on my Facebook timeline, and it was a video of this massive sheet of ice falling into the ocean. Wow. And it said, the sound of the crack. See if you can hear the crack of when it's going to release. So they turned their phone right up.

And then the ice shaft started to fall. Straight porn sounds. Real loud and a crowded Thai foot massage. I mean, it's lols, but not if you're on the receiving end of it. And just a heartfelt, I feel your pain, to the teachers listening.

So teachers, easily the most heard from people. Silent reading. So they set the kids silent, doing silent tasks. And they're like, bit of me time. Go onto Facebook. One of these videos, like the ice shelf video. Click. Super loud adult fun time sounds in class.

And that's the end of your teaching career. And it was like, you've got to spend the rest of the day brainwashing children. Sure. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is that you could download computer games in 1983 from the radio. What? What? I can't believe this.

I've never heard of it. You used to be able to download computer games from the radio. Well, computers were a thing in 1983. They were, Megan. And instead of having flash drives, step back before flash drives, CDs, step back before CDs, floppy disks, step back before all of that.

Yeah. And they used to run on tapes. Now, tapes, much like we grew up putting in the stereo and pressing record and getting our favourite songs off the radio in the 1990s. Right. A classic move. Yep. Yeah.

But before then, computers ran on tapes. You would buy a tape and it was literally just go on a computer and what was on that tape would make the computer run. It would run various programs. Very minimalistic, as you can imagine. Not nearly like nothing compared to a calculator watch of today's standards. You're run various programs. Very minimalistic, as you can imagine. Not nearly, like, nothing compared to a calculator watch of today's standards. You're not downloading Fortnite.

You're not downloading Fortnite off the radio. Given enough time, maybe. Yeah. But this is how it worked. A guy worked out, he was like, well, so what the radio broadcasters sound, and effectively what is on these tapes is sound instructions

for your computer. Mm. So the first guys, they had a radio show and they said, okay, if you were into computers, and I wouldn't have imagined

this wouldn't have been a huge audience in 1983 in the UK. Yeah. We're going to play a picture for you. And everyone's like, what?

And he's like, so if you've got audio recording equipment, put the tape in there and press record. Three, two, one. And they started playing the sound. Okay.

Now, that sound was broadcast. It took quite a while. And at the end of it, they took it out and put it in their computer and pressed run, load it, and it was like a little picture. Huh. It was like a real – I've got the picture here. It's real budget, like real low budget, that one there. But it's still – Yeah, it's a picture of one of the original Charlie's like real low budget, that one there. But it's still a picture

of one of the original Charlie's Angels from telly. Oh, right. Yeah, it looks like someone's made a picture with toast, bits of toast. Yes. Effectively. It's not the best quality. No, like way worse than the worst camera phone ever. Yeah. So, after that, they thought, oh, I mean, there's nothing

stopping us broadcasting other stuff. We just have to play the sounds for longer. Yep. So, they broadcast, oh, I mean, there's nothing stopping us broadcasting other stuff. We just have to play the sounds for longer. Yep. So they broadcast a computer game. Huh. Now, they had to broadcast it for different types of computers at the time. Of course, ran differently, different coding, different programming.

So they'd say this is for, and they'd say the 6502 Tangerine. And press play, and you could record it. Real niche audience here. Super niche audience at the time. People at home with computers in the 1980s. Yeah. Like no one.

Yeah, exactly. Who had the ability to do this. But apparently everyone was talking about it and just how crazy it was. And people were getting computer games over the internet. This is the sound. Can you put up my line? This is one of the... Oh, heck.

Oh, yeah. No, here we go. It's going to work. I thought I might have an ad in front of it. So this is someone pressing it. So these are the sorts of sounds that would be played over the radio. I don't like that on my ears. So that all just...

It sounds like the dial-up modem. Yeah. Very similar to the dial-up modem. Yeah. Very similar to the dial-up modem. So all those different sounds and different tones and everything is what colours go on what part of the screen. That one right there is a picture of a cat. No, look, that's just some jingly, jangly writing.

It's scary. It's like the computer's talking to the radio. I know, yeah. If we broadcast that on the radio with no announcement, just instead of playing it, people would freak out. You'd think aliens had landed. Yeah. You the computer's talking to the radio. I know, yeah. Like if we broadcast that on the radio just like with no announcement, just instead of playing it, people would freak out. You'd think aliens had landed.

Yeah. You'd think you were in big trouble. So, I had absolutely no idea it was ever done. God, radio is so great, guys. Guys, radio's been with you from the start, hey? And we're not going anywhere either. Probably are. Just don't make it go too fast.

Just wait till I retire. That'd be super, super great. So today's fact of the day is in 1983, you could download computer games from the radio. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Well, she went next live when she went overseas. Bev next live. Fletcher's mum went on a big trip. Started with a Rose reasoning, eh? A convention.

A convention in Copenhagen. For Rose people. And then she caught up with family in the UK and then she decided a long time ago and this has been on her bucket list. She wanted to walk the width of the UK.

And apparently there's a walk, a trail you can do. It's got a name, I think. I'm sure it does. But she's got, WhatsApp called me the other morning. I was brushing my teeth.

She did like a 20 something mile day. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but... Miles. Like, she's doing insane days. How are 26 miles as a marathon? Is that right?

21? 21 kilometers as a half marathon. That's right. 42 kilometers as a full marathon. So that's 26 Ks as a marathon. 26 miles rather. So she did bloody close to a marathon one day.

I know. On undulating pastures. And like any days between, I think she said, 12 and yeah, 24 or 23 miles. Yeah. Every day.

And she's been there for like two weeks. Madness. And you know what? She's so happy. 13 miles is the distance of a half marathon. So she did more than that.

13 miles? Oh, yeah. And I said she nearly did a full marathon. Oh, right more than that. 13 miles? Yeah. No, I said she nearly did a full marathon. Oh, right. Because that's 26 miles. I know. Crazy, eh? Has she got decent footwear?

No. Oh, I tell you what, there's a bit of banter about the boots. Oh, has there? She got bad boots. It's called the Wainwright Walk. The walk across. It starts at St. B's. Well, she found out about Bev Next Live,

us reporting to the nation on her blog. And you know what? I think she's been, she found out about Bev Next Live, us reporting to the nation on her blog. Yeah. And you know what, I think she was secretly happy she was getting attention. Did you see any changes in how she was doing?

Yeah, I know. It got much more professional. Did it? It got much less, it was less comical observations. Oh, damn it. I think once she was on to us, she knew.

She was putting in the comical observations and we were lapping it up. And if she's smart to that, she would have, she'd be like, bloody taking a piss. You can imagine her, yeah. So just a couple of points. Okay.

Throughout the rest of this walk, a lot to cover. And as we've said before, so many photos. Yeah. Where she is up to in the blog at the moment, she's obviously not doing it day to day. Right. Storing it up to do a bit of a mass upload just before she comes home or maybe even when she gets home.

Okay. They're over halfway. At this point in the blog. Yeah, yeah. But this is when it first started. She said, before we start the walk, we will get a few facts about our trip today. We will take approximately half a million steps on this walk and climb about 28,000 feet. Okay.

Of course, you go down, you go up, you go down, you go up. But that would be the equivalent of Mount Everest. Wow, okay. And the fastest time anyone's ever done this coast to coast is in 36 hours. Running, basically. Yeah, boosting it. So we started the day with a walk to the beach. The tide was out and I dipped my toes in the Irish Sea.

I hope I remember to do it at the other end. Because that's what you need to start to put the end. You're like, well, there I've done. But then you get home, you're like, oh, I didn't do my toes when I got there. Got to do it all over again. Got to do it all over again. She talks about various sheep breeds that she sees along the track. Okay.

There's a sheep breed that is black when it's a lamb and white when it's older. She doesn't know either. She puzzled. She's puzzled. Yeah. And then there's a photo of it. I'm also puzzled as to how it happens. It looks like a completely different shape, like it evolved, like it's a Pokemon or something.

Right, okay. But she speaks very highly of a landlady called Rachel. Right. I think she said she was about 75. Our luggage had arrived in the van during the day, and she'd carried everything up the stairs by herself. She'd travelled the world. She's been to New Zealand. She'd walked the Heafy and the Milford tracks.

She'd also been to New Plymouth, which is nice. Because your mum's from New Plymouth. She's hiked to Everest Base Camp and climbed both Mount Kenya and Mount Kilimanjaro in her 60s. A great inspiration for someone with sore feet at the end of the day. She must have had a bit of sore feet at the end of that. Particularly day walking. Yeah, I mean, she's posted a lot and I

just... But she's toned back the comical observations, which is sad. A little bit, yeah. A little bit, but she's... Okay. I think she's got a... She could have a piece in the Herald. Do you reckon? 100%. Would she like that? Because my mum would lap this up.

And my mum's the sort of person that they're, you know, trying to sell travel packages to upstairs. Yeah, right. Yeah. Look, I'm just trying to make the company some more money, make it work. Okay, well, send her blog upstairs. See if you can get her published. I mean, they probably should have paid for her to go over.

She's already paid for it all. Yeah, because all those people that write about it, they get all free flights and packages, don't they? She's paid for it all. She's almost on her way home. Yeah, because all those people that write about it, they get all free flights and packages, don't they? She's paid for it all. Well, no, it's her first time. She's got to prove her worth. True. She's got to prove it.

She's got to get the clicks. She's got to come up with some clip bait. Some clip bait headlines. All right, it's nine to nine. We've got Friday Jams coming up. Have you heard about your dad's health? Because it was a main concern. No, he's good.

He's good. Has he been eating too many fried takeaways? Well, I rang him last night, and he sounded just absolutely chipper. So that's good. He's good. Has he been eating too many fried takeaways? I rang him last night and he sounded just absolutely chipper. So that's good. He's only got to last till Monday and then mum will start feeding him some veggies. I bet he'll have a blowout this weekend. Yeah.

ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. For more, check out FVM ZDM on Facebook. ZDM.