ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - June 01 2018

Episode Date: May 31, 2018

The Long Weekend Group Toot, TV shows to binge this weekend and when did you fake your quota?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughn and Megan podcast, thanks to Sparks. Shoot incredible videos in super slow-mo with the Samsung Galaxy S9. 10 out of 10. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughn and Megan, happy Friday. Long weekend is here. Yay! After work, it's here after work.

Well, no finer way to kick it off than in two hours, the long weekend group tour. I tried one on the way to work. Okay. How did that go? Fruitless. Fruitless. Somebody in the car next to me was like, what are you doing? Like, looked really angry.

It's too early. Well, it's too early for the long weekend group tour. Did you try it in your neighborhood or like on the motorway? No, just on this busy inner city street right by that big block of apartments that I drove by. As someone that lives in an apartment, we love that. Well, they should have

soundproofed those apartments. Your apartment was built a long time ago. These apartments are relatively new. They really should have double glazed and soundproofed that.

Hey, so we're going to build up to the long weekend group tour from 7 o'clock every 10 minutes. $100 of free fuel to give away. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time.

Three news headlines for three interesting, weird, unusual news stories. You've just got to pick one of these following headlines. Vaughan and Megan. Headline one, winning scratches, all misprints. Headline two, lesbian couple say, I zoo. And headline three, pile of onions draws crowds and worried farmer. Piles of onions? Yes.

Draw crowds? Or pile of onions. Pile of onions. And worried farmer. Yeah. I'm curious. I like the couple say Izu. Did you?

Izu. I thought it was I like I-su-zu. No, it say Izu. Did you? Izu? I thought it was I like Isuzu. No, it was Isuzu. Lesbians love Isuzus. Do they?

You're big fans of the Isuzu move. The mysterious utility. I feel like you're really stereotyping it. No, no, no.

I know. I know. I've got best friends. That's right. Do they have an Isuzu? They want one. They'd love one. Wouldn't we all?

Actually, you know, I've mocked the Isuzu Moo in the past. I had a friend that had a Moo. Have you seen the new Moo? No. The new Moo. The Isuzu new Moo. With new Isuzus. Especially in blue.

You want a blue Isuzu Moo. Right, okay. For two. Okay. Are we going with thatuzu mood. Right, okay. For two. Okay. Are we going with that story? Shall I open that one? Yeah. Because it's not about Isuzus, is it?

No, it's not. It's about Azuz. That's not a fun word to say. And a couple. Isuzu. Isuzu. A Tennessee couple decided that they would go to the zoo. Okay.

Now, they are Becky and Jessica. They went to the Memphis Zoo on Sunday. And this news has come from a Facebook post. And Becky thought, well, you know what? I bloody love Jessica and I'm going to propose at the zoo. Oh. Go on. Well, Jessica also loved Becky and she was like, well, when we go to the zoo, I'm going to propose to Becky.

Oh, wow. Okay. I know this story. Yeah. It was a double whammy. It was a double proposal. A dual proposal. And they didn't know.

They proposed to each other. They proposed to each other. At the same time. So she got down on one knee. Becky gets down on one knee to Jessica. And Jessica's laughing, reaches into her handbag, and grabs out a ring as well. And she's like, I was going to do that too.

And then they hug, and it's lovely. And then they're in Tennessee, so everyone's probably like, why are those two women hugging? Them sisters are mad at having to see each other. But yeah, so actually it was quite a cute video to watch. It's lovely. With same-sex couples. Who buys the ring?

And if you're like, well, they haven't proposed to me yet, so are they not ready? Like, if I ask. I think you just get them an Isuzu Moo. Yeah. According to Vaughn. But the Isuzu Moo used to just be for two, but now there's a seven-seater SUV.

Have you done a Google? Oh, I was going to say SVU, but that's Special Victims Unit. SUV is one of those. Yeah, I have? Oh, I was going to say SVU, but that's Special Victims Unit. SUV is one of those. Yeah, I have. Yeah, I have. I must have seen a souped up one. What kind of car do your lesbian friends have in Melbourne? Or do they just tram everywhere?

Yeah, big public transport fans. Yeah, good. I couldn't tell you what car they've got, actually. I don't know. Probably just a sensible one that has nothing to do with their personality or sexuality. Their sexual preference. No, I don't know. I mean, to be totally honest, an Isuzu LST double cab,

probably not your inner Melbourne ideal vehicle, is it? No. Unless you're a tradie in Melbourne. Or a hipster. Do hipsters like utes? I don't know. You might start something there. Hipsters like bicycles, Megan.

Right. And then nothing goes better. For longer trips. And then you can put your bicycle on the back of a ute. Yeah, Suzu Moo. FF. Tell your story now about a man called Jeff. G-E, not J-E.

Oh, okay, yep. G-O-F. Joff. G-O-F, not Jeff. Joff. He has been contacting the people who look after his road. Okay. From what I can see, Kahikatea Flat Road, just north of Auckland.

Okay. And he's been contacting them for, he says, 18 months about the state of the road. Now, it looks like they've come out and done the odd patch job on some potholes. But patch job doesn't last long. I don't know. Maybe there's a lot of trucks going down the road. Now, it looks like they've come out and done the patch job on some potholes, but patch job doesn't last long. I don't know. Maybe there's a lot of trucks going down the road. Sounds like it needs a full make-up. Sounds like it needs a full from start to end.

Now, nothing happened. So he took a spray, a can of spray paint, and drew 20-meter-long penises around the clusters of potholes in an effort to get some attention and to get the road sorted. Did he do the balls as well? This is the thing, Fletch. I'm a little disappointed as

I've drawn a few penises in my time. I wouldn't call myself any sort of penis expert. I don't know if anybody here would consider themselves an expert in the area. But I've drawn enough to know that one large, he did two 20-metre long penises. Yep. A set of balls for each.

Yeah. I would have done more smaller penises so that they are easily identifiable as penises. As 20 metres is very long. Yeah, yeah. You know, to scale, the balls would have had to have been massive. The size of the road, maybe. And these penises scale very long but quite thin. Well, to some people, that's reality, Vaughn.

Yes, well. A long, thin one. Yeah. Not 20 metres long and then a metre wide. That's a 20 to 1 ratio. This tactic has been used. We've seen this overseas and it's worked, hasn't it? The UK especially.

The British love a good penis pothole. Yeah. So there's two 20 metre long penises. And then I don't know if he wasn't getting the attention or maybe it wasn't, like, super clear to people that it was a penis. Yeah. He decided to go live on Facebook, on his local community Facebook page. Showing everybody his crafty arts and crafts.

See, I would maybe go as far as to do a D&B around the pothole to bring attention, but I'm not going to out myself on a video, you know, saying I vandalised this ride. I did it. I was the one that did it. Yeah. Like, it's quite incriminating. But maybe he's just had enough and he wants some fix. Well, no, it's fair enough.

If he drives down it every day and has to go around the potholes or wait until there's no traffic coming the other way to go a little bit further into the middle of the road to get around the potholes. Any word from the council? Is Goffey picking this up? They're looking into it. Okay.

That's all that it says. Auckland Transport says it's looking into the situation. But a permanent fix, because it does look like it's just been patched. As I said before, they said a permanent fix will be done at some stage in the future. It was on their to-do list. Quite a large to-do list they have. But in the meantime, one of the other ones I saw, and I don't know about the logistics of it, and they probably wouldn't last long, but I really like the one where people planted flowers in the potholes.

They put some marigolds. Yeah, but again, that's not going to last long, is it? No, because it'll get run over. But that's quite funny. And people would be more inclined to sort of go around a flower, I think, and then you could cause an accident. Yeah. And then they'd call it the Marigold Massacre or something.

I mean, it would lend itself to a lovely name. It would. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Marigold Massacre or something. I mean, it would lend itself to a lovely name. It would. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello. Top Six today. Top Six ways to cheat in your NCEA exams. More than 350 high school students were caught cheating and breaching the rules that would constitute cheating.

The most common reason was a cell phone. 117 of them were found with cell phones on them. Six of them had actually used the cell phones. I was going to say, does that actually mean that they'd used them or they just had them for the time? Only six of them had actually used them, but 117 had them on them. Well, then why? They wouldn't have got in trouble, though, would they?

I don't know. It breaks the rules that yeah the cheating thing right uh 50 were caught communicating with someone else is that in other words they were just bored and over their exam yeah because sometimes you can't leave right until a certain time yeah until it was half an hour ago or something yeah and so you probably just text your friend if you're bored uh auckland students made made up about half of the breaches. Naughty. Or Wellington, Canterbury and the Waikato followed.

And the naughty stakes. So the top six ways to get away with cheating in NCEA. Okay. You've got to try. You don't, I mean... What? What I mean is I'm about to tell you how to cheat, but it's up to you how well you do these.

Number six, drones. Right. Get your friends who aren't in that subject to fly answers in on a drone and drop them on your desk. Right. No, no, no. They're very quiet these days. Everyone else's exam papers are getting blown all around the place.

Your hair's like. Yeah. Okay, not very subtle. Something to work on. Number five on the list of the top six ways to cheat in NCEA, sign language with that guy that does sign language for parliament now at the window sign languaging you the answers. Maybe you'd have to learn sign language,

which is just another subject to study Yeah, so why not just learn this Yeah, study the subject Have him at the window And then get the drone to come in with sign language Okay It's sounding And then he's at the window

It's quite elaborate, Vaughn Well, no one said this was going to be easy. Number four on the list, Morse code. Okay. Sneak an 1800s Morse code machine up your shirt into the exams and it taps out the answers on your nipples. Yeah, it's making a noise, isn't it? Or is it just...

No, your nipples, because it's only hard because it hits the metal thing on there, but if it's hitting your nips, there might be a slight, like... Yeah, because it's only hard because it hits the metal thing on there. But if it's hitting your nips, there might be a slight, like, sort of a blunt tap. I don't know about you guys, but that would put me off during an exam. It would arouse me. Every answer. Yeah, then you've got hard nipples in your exam. Yeah, every answer would get you going. Especially a long English exam, essay.

Yeah. I don't know about Shakespeare, it's never been so exciting. Number three on the list of the top six ways to cheat in NCEA. Tattoo the answers on your arms in a code

hidden in some sort of, hidden in some sort of design. Oh yeah, okay. You know, like get a full sleeve just to cheat in history. That makes great sense. And then afterwards

people are like, what does that tattoo mean? Yeah, well, that's a swastika. I'm not a supporter of the Nazis, but I was doing an exam about World War II.

But I see how you misinterpreted that. Yeah. Yep, I'm going to just draw those lines in and turn it into a Windows 95 logo. There's some lines

back there. Number two on the list of the top six ways people cheated and will continue to cheat in NCA exams. I have a scent associated

to different answers. And have one of those machines that releases scents. Right. Are you allowed to bring one of those into an exam? In multi-choice, A, B, C and D, you've got four scents. Yeah. And then someone's outside, they're like, release the vanilla. It's A. And then you're like,

vanilla, A. Okay. Second question. Release the frangipani. It's B. Can we have a potpourri in there? Well, no, potpourri always smells like whatever the potpourri's made out of. Oh, right. You need a definitive scent.

I mean, you know, it's got its, it's more like a rose potpourri. It can be C. And then D's got to be something yuck. Farts. You don't want to sit next to the farty kid, though. You can be C. And then D's got to be something yuck. Farts. You don't want to sit next to the farty kid, though. You'll be getting all the answers wrong. And the number one way to cheat in NCA, and this actually happened last year, apparently,

and I think of all the ways, while I've endorsed drone usage, sign language, Morse code, tattoos, and scent production, I can't endorse this because apparently these cheating bastards, these little cheating mongrels, I hear they're actually trying to memorise the answers. They put hours

and hours into actually reading answers, theories, and committing them to memory and then when they get into these exam situations they just write down what they can remember. That is some kind of witchcraft. They're using their brains to cheat. Yeah, that's not fair for the rest of us. I'm not on board, no.

Because we have to guess, don't we? 100%. 100%. 100%, you just get in there and try to pluck some answers out of thin air. These mongrels are connecting electrons in their brain. Cheating. Previously to the exam to try to do better when they get in there. I'm not okay with that, but that is today's top six.

We just want to have a little bit of chat about the weather this weekend because the last few days, whilst they've been cold, very enjoyable days. Yeah. Cold but clear. And, of course, we do have a long weekend ahead. Intern Anya is in from the news desk. Kilder.

Kilder. Skifields. We've got some skifields opening. Yeah, so South Island, Kadrona is going to the news desk. Kia ora. Kia ora. Ski fields. We've got some ski fields opening. Yeah, so South Island, Kadrona, is going to be open for the whole weekend and Coronet Peak is going to be open tomorrow. North Island, Mount Uruapéhu's Whakapapa is opening tomorrow as well.

So, kia ora. What about the Monganui ski field? You missed that in the NACs? I believe yesterday people were skiing, or today. You just showed me a picture. I've never been toui ski field. You missed that in the NACS opening. I believe yesterday people were skiing or today. You just showed me a picture. I've never been to that ski field. No. But you told me I had to walk.

I'm sorry, sir. I shan't be walking. You've got to walk up the track and then you put your skis or your board on the flying fox. I shan't be walking up a track. I should be carried

by a comfortable chair. Okay, do you do T-bars or no? Or ropes? No, toe ropes? No. Toe ropes? No. Well, I can, but those are the domain of skiers. Right.

Far easier to go on a pommel pool. Yeah, right. Someone's got a pommel pool. You sound like a fuck-a-puppa princess. Or a two-roller. I don't know. You just sound like you'd go your main ski fields. Yeah, I enjoy my creature comforts.

Yeah, of ski fields. I like going off-piste, but as long as there's a road at the bottom where someone can pick me up. Right, okay. That's fine, I don't want to walk too much. Well, to look at the weather for the long weekend, we have a friend of the show joining us. Matty McLean, who's world-renowned for his knowledge of all things weather-related.

Always picks a good long weekend forecast. He does. What's it looking like for the non-ski-field-related weather, Matty? What's the rest of the country experiencing? Do you know what? This is genuinely the worst part of the job, is being the bearer of bad news. The harbinger of death.

Come on, Matty. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about it. But there is going to be a bit of wet weather around parts of the country this weekend, especially around the North Island. Ah, piss. Yeah. So it'll start later on today in the upper north, like in the far north.

And then it's just going to trickle down the country into tomorrow. And then on Sunday, like everyone in the North Island is getting wet. I've been out in public before when mums have stopped Maddie in the street and told them off for giving them a bad forecast. I know. They hate it. They get really mad. They get really, really angry.

They know you don't control it, eh? Well, you'd think so, but you've got to wonder sometimes whether they genuinely think I have some sort of say into how it shapes up. But, Matty, you're so cute. Surely you get away with it. I know.

My face is lovable. I know, you're very... You're just like, I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah. We'll see. Sorry. Like, you and Renee are two good-looking people

who can get away with it. And while I'm sure there's people out there who, you know, quite find Mr. Corbett attractive. I'm sure they do. He sure doesn't have that cute face that you have for forgiving a bad weather forecast. No, but they trust him. Dan's got that trustworthy face, you know?

So it's like, you know what? It's like, it's terrible news, but, you know. He's right. Trust me. Yeah. Trust me. And we all know your dad cannot stay mad at Renee Wright. Oh, Vaughan's dad loves Renee Wright, doesn't he?

Well, Renee Wright, I was talking to her last week, and she was going to Morrinsville, and Dad wasn't there. Absolutely gutted. I bet. He was. Renee's probably sick of seeing you Smith men around her house. It's like, can you please leave me alone?

She's going to need the restraining order form. Wow. If it's not one, it's the other. She could just deliver one to both of us if she catches us together, which she has done previously. Hey, I will say this. The South Island, for the most part, apart from parts of the East Coast, is looking really good.

So if you're heading to, like, Central Otago this weekend or the West Coast even, Nelson, you're going to be in for a good weekend. So the ski fields that are opening, Kadrona and Coronet Peak, they'll actually be getting good weather as well. What a weekend for it. What a weekend.

It'll be bloody freezing, but you'll get those really nice clear blue sky days, which will be lovely. Is your mum Trace heading up blue sky days, which will be lovely. Is your mum traceheading up the mountain? She probably will be. Yeah, they get seasons past as most years. Most years I'm a dad. Yep. Mum's not

too bad on the old skis, actually. That doesn't surprise me. I struggle to believe that she's your mother. Demon, yeah. And that's where you get your cuteness from. I mean, your father's very masculine. I can see that. Who are you flirting with?

His father or his dad? Who are you flirting with? Everybody. Sorry about this, Maddie. It's Flirty Friday. I'm sorry, Maddie. More flirts with everyone. Maddie, Renee, Maddie's dad, Maddie's mum.

Maddie's mum. Oh, my God. Okay, Maddie McLean, thank you so much. Have a great long weekend. Hey, you too. And also, Fletch, did you see what happened? Oh, I had nothing to do with that. What happened?

Are you sure you didn't have anything to do with it? You sure you didn't send that on to them? Maddie and I were out at this thing on, what was it, Wednesday night? Heartbreak Island launch. And we had a photo taken at the door door and Maddie turned around afterwards and said oh my god my fly was down so I of course sent the photo to the producers of Maddie's show

and it's apparently aired on Breakfast It's aired on Breakfast this morning it's on the New Zealand Herald website Always lock your zipper Maddie Always lock your zipper Tell me about it It's mortifying Anyway Have a good week here Always lock your zip in Tell me about it It's mortifying Anyway

Have a good week here Why is he wrapping up our show? He's also got a job to do I've got to go He's running on tight restraints of morning television Not loose goose bloody morning radio FVM the podcast So a study's been done in Canada, which looked-

I believe that's pronounced Canadia. Canadia. Sorry, let me start again, Vaughan. A study has been done in Canadia. By the Canada people. Yes. And it looked at people that won, like had huge lottery wins, and how that affected their neighbours and neighbourhoods.

Okay. And so you could say the same if, you know, your friends came into a lot of money. But it basically found that people declared bankruptcy more when their friends and neighbours won huge lotteries because they're trying to keep up with them. So their friends are all of a sudden going out buying new flash things.

And like you say, like, you won a huge lotto, you'd move out. You'd probably move into a mansion, wouldn't you? You'd move out of your crappy house. But then I think maybe these people are already living in nice areas. So they stay there. Because I always find it's people with a good income, you know, that could live comfortably

if they weren't comparing themselves to others that really stretch themselves trying to keep up with others. Like I find, like we didn't grow up with a lot of money. Yeah. And we just didn't care. You know what I mean? Yeah, same, yeah. But when you go, you earn more money.

It's like the famous French Renaissance poet, the notorious B.I.G. said, no money, no problems. The more money people get, then they want to keep up with people. I don't know. That's my feeling on it. The lower income people kind of just are happy with what they've got a bit more than the more money and then it gets a bit showy and then you do get a bit keeping up with the Joneses.

But in this study, they looked at wins up to $150,000. So they didn't want to look at the big wins because that's when people move houses. Right. So they looked at those where it's just enough money that you have to stay put and keep your friends and live in that area. But you can afford like a spa and a new car and maybe a Reno. Exactly.

Right. And that's when neighbours and friends started going bankrupt Yeah Because they're trying to keep up With their friends Huh Isn't that crazy But when have you ever seen Like your neighbour get something Flashing me like

I'm gonna get that too Well I don't Maybe because I live in an apartment I don't see Like what my neighbours have Oh yeah true But I don't Even if I lived next door

To people in the house I wouldn't care The dude next door to me Just got a brand new Toyota Hilux And I wasn't like Oh me dude next door to me just got a brand new Toyota Hilux and I wasn't like, ooh, me too. You know?

But maybe we're not that sort of people. But the people that are constantly living trying to compare themselves to others, they're never really happy, are they? No. If you worry about what everybody else is doing. Hey guys, be yourself. Be happy with the cards you've been dealt, you know.

Oh, Vaughan Gandy. That's a message from Vaughan Gandy this morning. I've actually decided. I decided on this this morning. Here we go. I'm going to launch a what? Inspirational quotes calendar company. Yep.

Or like whatever. Are they written by you? No. This is what I do. I take existing inspirational quotes and I just tag a little bit on the end. I think there's something I saw one today.

Copyright? But you add enough on so that the percentage of new material circumnavigates the existing copyright. So like, for example, I saw this quote. This is what made me think about it. It's like, no one is a better you than you.

Okay, how would you do that? No one can be a better you than you. Okay, how would you do that? No one can be a better you than you. Yep. I would put on the end of it, apart from you. Okay, I've just Googled. Just in this time, I've just Googled some. That actually adds a lot to that quote as well. Like, no one can be a better you than you.

Okay. Apart from you, meaning only. You're not good enough as you are. Yeah, be a better version of you. Here's another quote. So I've just Googled a few. Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.

Apart from me. I don't know if that's changing it enough to make it any more inspirational. It's doubling down. Or you put something on the front as well. How did that one go? Only I can change my life. Okay, what about this one?

There are no limits to what you can accomplish except the limits you place on your own thinking. And the limits put on you by things such as gravity. I just knew you were over-complicating these. And the human inability to survive above certain temperatures. Right, what about dreams and dedication are a powerful combination. Like hamburgers and fries. Aren't they great together?

Yeah. I think you're going to be stretching to come up with one of these a day. No, but that was just on the fly. When does that really start going? Well, I'm probably going to have to do like five a day tops. Right. I'm going to do one of those four hour working weeks that everyone's always talking about. Then you're just like, really? That's kind of. Right, okay. I'm going to do one of those four-hour working weeks that everyone's always talking about. And you're just like, really?

That's kind of just lazy, really. That's just a little something I got on the back burner for the long weekend. We talked briefly about this yesterday. And after the show, I heard from a couple of people who have said that they've kind of done the same thing. Although not any New Zealand police. I'll tell you what this is about. The Victorian police, this is in the state of Victoria, Melbourne in Australia,

faked over five and a half years. They faked 258,000 breath tests because they had quotas to make. They had to do so many breath tests a night. Yeah. So to meet those, sometimes they would just stand blowing into it themselves. Like one for you, one for me.

It accounted for 1.5% of the 17.7 million tests that they conducted in that time. So they were just hiding in the back of the car or behind the testing van. Yes. Or truck and just blowing into it themselves. So apparently the little computer records at what time it's blown into

and the time between blows wasn't long enough. Oh, for a car to come through. Oh, amateur. You've got to take that into consideration. I know. Into consideration. Please, please take these things into consideration. Please judge.

But like they're police. Come on. They collect evidence and think these things through all the time. Like, come on. Get better at that. Yeah. So they got caught and just met in their targets. And that's what after the show, a couple of people messaged our Facebook page going,

hey, come on, we've all fudged it to meet targets. And while they declined to publicly air when they maybe fudged it to meet targets, I thought, well, hearing from a couple of people, unsolicited, let the solicitation begin to see if anyone listening to the show has fudged the books. Yeah, maybe you've got a quota in your job. You've got a quota or a target

and you can easily just fake it up. Yeah. Just because it's easier. Because if I was one of those knock, knock, knock, hey, you happy with your power company? Yeah. People, I'd just be like,

I knocked on every single door. And they were all happy. They were all stoked and or swearing at me for having dinner. But crikey, I was out there. Because what, do they get paid a retainer?

As long as they service so many streets? Unless you're on commission and then that's what makes you knock on the doors. Yeah, I know. I could never do it. We're talking about when you can,

in your line of work, I guess, fudge your targets. An Australian state place in Victoria made up like quarter of a million random breath tests over five and a half years because they have to breath test so many people per night. Yeah. And they just blow on the pie themselves.

Yeah. But then one thing I hadn't thought about was that also drastically changes drink driving statistics. Oh. Yeah. Of course it does. Yeah. Like at the end of a long weekend, if they're trying to get drink driving statistics, how

many people they caught, it would make them look better because there's way more sober people on the road. Yeah. So when did you fudge the system? Fudge your quota? You write your targets? A text message in? In my work, I have to cold call a certain amount of people. I don't even like calling people I know and like.

I know. People like strangers. So I just call with my microphone muted. Most people will stay on the line for about 15 seconds. I just click the mute on and off so it sounds like it's crackling, which is 15 seconds is also the amount of time most people take to tell you to F off as well. So that works.

And then they just pretend to talk to them. Yeah. Wow. I don, well, and then they just pretend to talk to them. Yeah. Wow. Well, I don't even know if they need to pretend to talk to them. I'm guessing sometimes people want to do the survey or talk about it. No, but they're not even getting to the point of asking. They don't even ask. They just ring a random number and put their own microphone on hold

and then just sit there and wait for the person to hang up. Oh. Somebody else messaged in saying, I used to do supermarket sampling for Lindt. Lindt. Lindt. Nobody knows how to say that, do they?

And on the quiet days, I tell you what, I had a lot of those Lindt chocolates. Sure helped me meet my quota. And it was delicious. But you can't be the person giving up free samples at the supermarket eating them.

Because I always assumed those samplers, whilst they have to give the samples, I thought they had to sell a certain amount of boxes. Oh. Oh, I don't know. That was lovely, Karen. We're in the supermarket. Can I find this thing that I definitely don't want to buy, but I just ate four of, so I'm trying to make you feel better.

Yeah. And she says, oh, I've got some right here. And you're like, damn it. And then you've got to find a place to abandon it. Somewhere around the supermarket. Go to the next aisle and chuck it back on some random shelf. Yeah. That's what basically that happens. To meet a word quota in an essay, my friends and I used to do this.

I've seen this advice online. You just write random words at the end of your essay and then go through and colour them white with a white background. And then you send the word document and teachers just look at the bottom and see the word count is 1,000. That's amazing. But you've only written 800 and then there's 200 white words that they can't see. Unless they've got a program that while it also scans.

I'm imagining that's smart enough to now. They'll probably be able to identify what 1,000 words look like and then select all and change all text colour to black. Somebody else said, I work in a telco. Lots of telco telecommunications companies. One role we measured was on dollar value. We had one sales guy add a bit of fat to their sales to meet their target. How do you add fat to your sales?

But then just made them up. But then at the end of the year. Oh, right. So did well, did well, did well, did well. Had one really bad, bad month. Yeah. Where, you know, he accounted for everywhere that it asked where he'd topped it up. Okay.

I don't know what happened this month. But then had 11 good months, one bad month. That's not a bad idea. But then surely that money's all going to be coming in and accounting. No, the money is coming in. Right. But just, oh, I see what you're saying. You know, like someone in the accounting department's going to be like,

where's all this money that you said you'd bring in? Yeah, okay, I don't know how that works. Yeah, you can't just say. You can't just say there's money. I've made a million dollars. Well, where is it? Yeah, I'm the best. It's in the air.

It's coming. It's in the air. It's coming. You know, it's that new air money, cryptocurrency. It's in the air. Yeah, it's bitcoins. It's definitely here. It's somewhere. Someone's in the air. Yeah, it's Bitcoins. It's definitely here somewhere. Someone's posted me some Bitcoins.

They'll be here soon. All right, actually, Madison, it's that controversial site that lets people cheat on their partners even though they're in a marriage and, like, you can register. But when you register... It's for adulterers, isn't it? Yeah. It's that website. So when you register, you have to put in your job.

Yep. So what they've done is they've revealed the jobs that people are most likely to cheat in. For men and women. Oh, Megan, don't start fights with couples before the long weekend when they've done nothing. Yeah, sorry about that. Apart from have a job. Is our industry in there?

For men, not for women. Oh, here we go. Well, yeah, I guess technically. So the top 10, coming for women. Oh, here we go. Well, yeah, I guess technically. So the top 10, coming in at number 10, for men, so this is the jobs that men are doing that are most likely to cheat, arts and entertainment. At 10, we're at 10.

Number 10. Okay, that's right. I guess that's where we would fall in, right? Yeah, it is. Yeah, so that's for men. I neither find my work entertaining or artistic, so I'm not on this list at all. You just turn up for a job, really, don't you? I do.

Yeah. Turn up and see what's happening. Okay, so you don't count yourself on that list. No, sir. Number nine is education, so that's professors, teachers, lecturers will all fall under this umbrella. Number eight.

The uni lecturers are just like they can see everybody in the class. What's your point? Boy, you just imagine standing in front of a pick and mix all day. Excuse me. That is terrible. Do not call the women,

the young minds, I did not specify gender. We're talking about men. No, sorry. I was identifying. Talking about male lecturers. Hey, women lecturers are as creepy as men lecturers. Okay.

So this is the means list. And what about homosexuals? Means list. Okay. Why don't you just insult everybody, Vaughn? Eight. They're not disagreeing. The legal profession.

Okay. I think after recent years, that's, yeah. And it'd be good to get you to sign a prenup before they cheat too. Yeah, they'll get you. So number seven, this is for the men that are most likely to cheat. Their professions are medical. Okay. So that's like doctors, nurses, anyone in the medical profession.

Oh, you've seen Shortland Street. They're always kissing nurses in those cubicles. They're always kissing. Six, marketing and communications. Five, finance. Eight percent of men cheating are in the finance industry. Okay. Retail and hospitality, so waiters, bartenders, baristas, hotel workers.

I'm blaming alcohol on that. Yeah. They shouldn't be drinking on the job. They're hospo. No, they have a couple. Oh, okay. One for them, one for you. Yeah, people always do that.

Number three. Now, they were number three, both male and female. So both male and female. Number three, entrepreneurs. They're saying it's kind of because they're likely to take charge of their sex life the way they do their business. Okay. Number two, for men who cheat,

IT. IT? The second highest profession for men who cheat is IT. Is it because they can get into the hot girls' profile at work and be like, well, I mean, we've got two choices here, Sharon. Kiss me on my mouth or I'm going to release your Google search to everybody. Yeah. And the number one trade for men who are cheating.

What haven't we had? Sportsmen. Professional sportsmen. So, not on there, but I think it's maybe because I don't use Ashley Madison. They don't need to. Okay. The number one is tradies. 29% of tradies, or

29% of people on Ashley Madison are tradies. Wow. Shall I quickly run through the women's list? Yeah, well, it's only fair because there's a whole lot of guys. Don't quickly glaze over. You didn't quickly glaze over our list, did you? No.

So women who cheat their professions, 10, legal, 9, tradies, women tradies, 8, marketing communications, 7 for IT. Retail and hospitality is number six for women. Five is social workers. Female social workers are more likely to cheat than their male colleagues. Right. Who can say no to a bad boy? Like a legitimate government

defined bad boy. Four is finance. Three are women entrepreneurs. Two, education. So female teachers are the second most likely to cheat. See, women entrepreneurs. Two, education. So female teachers are the second most likely to cheat. See, I told you about the pick and mix thing. Stands true for everybody. And number one, sexy nurses. Nurses?

Nurses! Medical professionals. So doctors and nurses. They work such long hours. I know, you can't blame them. And doctors are all hot. If you're judging any medical TV show, all doctors are hot. Yeah.

Especially with those scrubs on. They're all wet. And those crops. Mint green. I get aroused by the real life 3D model of a heart on their desk. Find that very alluring. Weird body part models all scattered throughout. Yep.

And free pens. And they could write you a prescription for anything. Yes, they could. Now, we're talking ice creams because even though it's cold, is it too cold for an ice cream? No, it's not. No, you just put it with an apple pie or something. Hot plate.

Put it with something warm. Do you know when I made that? Man, now I want apple crumble. Do you know when I made that slow cooker cookie? Yeah. You put all the cookie ingredients in a slow cooker. Yeah. That would be perfect if you timed it for dessert.

Like a hot cookie. And then you cut a wedge of it and then put ice cream on the top of it. You're welcome. It was like a cookie brownie almost. Yum. Someone try that, please. So, that would be amazing. So, the most popular, and this one won for the fourth year

at the New Zealand Ice Cream Awards last night. Wait, fourth year in a row? No, it's won four times. It's the fourth time winning. So, they have, as a backstory, about 350 ice creams that they all judge, all the judges. 385. Who are the judges?

Are they qualified? I don't know. Two things I'm insulted. I've never been asked to judge, and I've never been asked to emcee this event. I mean, if there was one event that's up your alley. That I am qualified to emcee. And the pie awards.

It would be ice cream. Love ice cream. When I get to win an ice cream, I just ponder for so long. Oh, yeah, like a gelato. When you go to the gelato store and there's all this, I just ponder for so long. Oh, yeah. Like a gelato. When you go to the gelato store and all the flavors in front of you, you decide. Can I say, don't like gelato. I know you're not a fan.

Yeah. I want a full ice cream. I'm not trying to trick myself into thinking, you know. I'll have that. It's better for me. I don't care. I'm there. Right.

I'm going crazy. Okay. So the winner, and this, it shooketh me. Right. I'm going crazy. Okay. So the winner, and this it shooketh me. Yep. Whilst it is delicious and when we were growing up it was a real treat ice cream because I think it's my mum's favourite flavour ice cream. I definitely know it's her favourite flavour, Trumpet.

It's the one I pick out of the Choc Top flavours at the cinema. You know how you can get like... Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, because it's the most luxurious Choc Top flavour. Yeah. It's the Boysenberry R most luxurious choc-top flavour. It's the boysenberry ripple. The tip-top tub. Straight tip-top boysenberry ripple. It's yum, but is it the best?

That's the thing. It is yum. Every ice cream's yum. You can't be an ice cream if you're yucky. Like maybe, you know, growing up, there weren't that many flavours, were there? And now you go to the supermarket and there are like four different fridges or freezers of ice creams. You can get all the ooh-la-la ones. And then for the indecisive or the people who want to please everybody in the household,

there's even those ice creams with four flavours in one tub. Yeah. Each corner is dedicated to a flavour. You can't tell me in 2018, with all the boutique ice creams and all the ooh-la-la brands, that that's the winner. It is. Come on. I know.

It doesn't say why. Had great creamy texture and true-to-fruit boysenberry flavour. And for a standard ice cream, it just continues to deliver. So it's pretty much won because it is what it sees it as. But then you think, okay, maybe the judging panel are made up of a series of basic bitches. That find boysenberry exotic and exciting. Yeah. This is the gelato winner.

Okay. Cardamom, ginger and turmeric yogurt gelato. Actly named Indian Summer. I want to try that. What's cardamom? What does that taste like? That's your cardamom pods. Aren't they a little bit

sweety licoricey sort of? Yeah, yeah, I'm out. Anything that tastes like licorice and I'm tapping out. But like that's exotic as versus the very basic boysenberry. Yeah. Yeah.

You're not happy, are you? I just can think of 10 ice creams I've tasted in the last year that are way better. F.E.M. The long weekend, we thought we would run through a list of shows you can binge this long weekend. It's a bit of a long weekend tradition. These are just ones that we like. What did Megan say to us before? What happens when you've seen all of these?

You get a life. Get a life, yeah. But they keep bringing out new shows, don't they? These TV makers, they're always bringing out the new ones. So I thought we could do what we normally do, and each of us touch on maybe two or three that we've all seen lately, and then maybe if you're listening, you haven't seen some of these, add them to the list.

Right. Out yesterday, or the day before the new season, I'm going to start Arrested Development. Okay. Season five. You guys are real jazzed about this. I'm just watching the remixed Fateful Consequences season four.

It's one of those shows that you either get or you don't really. And you judge people if they don't. Yeah, you do. I like it. I meander through it. It's the first start seeing someone, you. And you judge people if they don't. Yeah, you do. I like it. I meander through it. It's the first start seeing someone, you watch it with them to make sure they laugh

at all the right stages. It's like The Office, the British Office. You watch with them and you make sure they're laughing at the right spots. If you've never seen it, you can actually start from the start. It is, the older episodes are quite old. Like, it was made in, like, early 2000s.

It's hilarious. And you'll recognise everyone in it because they went on to all become quite famous. What's George Michael's real name? Michael Cera. It's so young in the start. So young. That was like his first kind of big thing.

Wow. Yeah, Portia de Rossi, Alan's wife. Also a new comedy show which has come out, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, which you liked the first couple of seasons. The last season wasn't that great, though, was it? It's a bit av. But have you seen the latest?

No, so there's six new eps out if you're a fan of that. Tina Fey's involved in that. She did 30 Rock, which is hilarious, that show. Always good. And I mentioned Safe. We've gone on about that over the last couple of weeks. A bit of a whodunit, a British whodunit with Dexter, Michael C. Hall. He's in that. That's like an eight-part whodunit. A British whodunit with Dexter. Michael C. Hall, he's in that.

That's like an eight-part whodunit. We've all seen it. It's very good. To get away from Netflix, I've got to say Handmaid's Tale Season 2 has been crazy. Now, because I've been saving this up for when I go away.

Everyone's telling me not to binge it. My only danger with binging it is it's a grim. I love a bit of a post-apocalyptic buzz. Don't get me wrong, but this is like a little too Black Mirror-y in the fact that it might happen-y sort of thing-y. Yeah, it's very grim. I think you need a break between each episode.

But you are a robot. But it's still good. I'm a robot when it comes to emotion. Okay, well, that's a lightbox one, isn't it? Speaking of robots with emotion, Westworld Season 2. See, I'm saving that all up. Yeah, well, that's a lightbox one, isn't it? Speaking of robots with emotion, Westworld, season two. See, I'm saving that all up. Yeah, me too. And avoiding the internet.

Saving that up for a binge, but this weekend it might be time to break the seal on that and get into season two of Westworld. That's a show that you can't be half on your phone, half watching. No, you're going to be. Because even when you're fully paying attention,

you probably don't really know what's happening. I know, yeah, pretty much. I've just finished Dear White People, which is very good. You need to watch at least more than one episode because they're kind of crafted from different people's points of view. But that's very, very good. And Caitlin and mine's guilty pleasure is Dynasty.

Oh, are you kidding me? Is this original 80s Dynasty or is it a remake? It's a remake. Good. Because I saw this pop up on Miniflix, because I always give it a Google, a new show, and that on internet movie database

or tv.com had like a five or four out of ten. On internet movie database, I had like a four. It's just a guilty pleasure. It's not like groundbreaking television. It is one you can double screen. Not like the more complex

plot lines of Westworld. Also with the mention Evil Genius which I watched we've all watched on Netflix about the pizza bomber yeah in 2003

a guy robbed a bank with a bomb around his neck and he was a pizza delivery guy and it kind of looks into that because I remember it happening but I don't remember all the fallout from it insane story

yeah and it's only four eps as well so it's you'll get through it you'll, and it's only four eps as well, so it's... You'll get through it quite quickly. You'll get through it. Four full hour eps.

But it's weird. The whole thing's weird. And that's a bit of a whodunit as well. Yeah. Riverdale, are people still... It's finished.

It's kind of finished. Everyone's kind of finished it. But if you haven't caught up, it's worth it. Yeah, you can binge it now because it's finished and watch the whole series all in one.

Yep. One go. The OG. Long weekend. Red Toots. Yes. Yes. The one positive of no one winning $100,000 each is that we've now got a confetti can

in each. Oh. Yes. Make it. God, these things make an absolute mess. So when do we let this off? Whenever you want. Okay.

Like if there's one group, if there's one group to it that goes well that particularly tickles you, then let it off. Can I let it off when someone stuffs it up so we still have excitement? You do what you want. It's your cannon.

It's your confetti cannon. Now, the long weekend group tour, let's explain how it works for those new to the show. It unites a nation. Going into a long weekend, we need unity. We need synergy. We need synergy. We need to be working as one

because you know what? United we stand, divided we fall. Yeah, we want to be happy going into this long weekend is another way of putting it. We're a great little country down here in the South Pacific.

Yeah. And we've got to bind together like a Velcro. Okay. Vaughan's just had a coffee and a donut. I'm pretty jazzed. I'm pretty jazzed.

So what we need is if you're in traffic right now, you need to start the long weekend group toot. And what you do is you start it like this. And then somebody else listening to the radio, to the show, finishes off the long weekend group toot with. So if you're listening, if you're out there and you hear the start of the long weekend group two, don't hesitate.

All you need to do is two twice. And it doesn't matter if it's the one that's on the radio because people just do this when they're out and about today. And people need to test the waters before they call in. They certainly do. So that tune again. My six-year-old and three-year-old can do this. Yep.

So I believe you. No pressure. They certainly don't get their rhythm from their father. All right. So one, two, one, two, three, one, two, three, four. Stop. Somebody else finishes you off. All right.

0800-DARNZM. Call us from the car now. You've got to have the window down. When we do it on the phone with you, you have the phone out the window so we can hear the toots. Test the water. If you can't get through, text 9696. We are, and we're going to get the toots happening next. Friday Flashback.

Oh, God, it's all gone. It's all gone. We're busy. It's a busy Friday today. Now, I don't want to heap too much pressure on you. This needs to be good. This needs to get- It needs to be uplifting.

The people jazzed, and it needs to get people ready for tooting. You know, I ran a few songs past you guys earlier this morning, and we all decided they were all a bit, any other Friday, without a long weekend group, they'd be fine. Yeah. But not today. But I have found a song- We demand a certain vintage.

I've found a top 10 song, and this is an absolute get your lungs going this morning. You know, you're going to be singing. Like a sing-along. Sing-along. It's a sing-along. Is it a banger? It's an absolute banger. Okay.

Florence and the Machine. Enough said. Say no more. Enough said. Say no more. You've got the love. I throw my hands up in the air i know i can count on you sometimes i feel like saying lord i just don't care but you thought the love i need to see me Sometimes it seems the going is just too rough And things go wrong no matter what I do

Now and then it seems like life is just too much But you've got the love I need to see me through When food is gone you are my daily need Oh, oh, oh My daily need When friends are gone I know my saviour's love Is real You know it's real Sometimes I feel like

Throw my hands up in the air Cause I know I can count on you Sometimes I feel like Saying Lord I just don't care. Florence and the Machine, you've got the love. Your Friday flashback today. The OG.

Long weekend. Red Tooth. Don't stop eating today. Well, it's a tradition. Every long weekend. How long have we done? How many years have we been doing this? We're going to have to have a 10th anniversary special soon. I feel like it's 10 years. every long weekend. How long have we done, how many years have we been doing this?

We're going to have to have a 10th anniversary special soon. I feel like it's 10 years. No, I feel like it's six or so. I feel like it's been six years. You're getting ahead of yourself with your 10 year anniversary. No, I'm not. You've started planning

to school Jubilee far ahead of it. Reunion time. It is time for the Long Weekend Group Tour. And if you've just joined the show and you don't know what we're going on about,

we get people to call us right now, 0800 DDIALS-AT-M and start the Long Weekend Group Toot. This is it. And then somebody listening in traffic, crawling traffic ahead of the Long Weekend will finish with... And what I always say,

don't, it doesn't have to be the one on the radio. If you hear someone tooting, toot back because it's about bringing the nation together. It is. Don't wait for the broadcast. Get in there and do it on a ground level. It's at this time of the long weekend group too. We pay respect to our previous entrance on the honours board.

So we look back to Easter weekend 2018. Yep. And we remember Kelsey from Hamilton. Eddie the Eagle. Remember she couldn't do it. We went back to her and she did it, just like Eddie the Eagle. I don't know. I've not seen that movie.

Maddie from Auckland. Sarah and Ben were in Christchurch. Ryan and Nikki in Auckland. Another Nikki in Wellington. And Ben, Jamie and Dave in Tauranga. Well, your chance to get on the long weekend group tour on his board. And no pressure, but we're going to start today in the Garden City. Good morning, Kate in Christchurch.

G'day, guys. How are you? Good. All right. Now, how are we feeling? We're in Christchurch. How are you right now? I'm approaching Colombo Street.

Okay. And how busy is Colombo this morning? Well, we're just about to stop at a red light. Yep, it's kind of busy. Okay, well, when you're ready, give us a long weekend group too, Kate. All right, here we go. Yes! Yes!

Woo! Yes! Oh, straight up. Oh, my God, Kate. Yeah! Christchurch. The gates are open and we're racing. And taking an early lead is Christchurch with Kate as the jockey.

On the honours board, Ben in Hamilton. Good morning. Good morning. How are you doing? Ben, great. No pressure, Ben. It's a hard act to follow. We've had a winner straight up.

So when you're ready, give us a long weekend. Oh, tell us where you are in Hamilton first. Rightio. So I'm just cruising south from the Hamilton Gardens, and Kate set a pretty high bar. She did. She has, yeah. It's gone free-flowing now, so I'm a little bit worried.

Can you come back in, like, a minute? Oh. Okay. We're getting to mons now. Yeah. We can come back that summer. Donna in Tauranga, good morning. Good morning. How are you? Good, okay. We're getting to mons now. Oh, yeah. We can come back that summer. Donna in Tauranga, good morning. Good morning.

How are you? Good, Donna. All right, no pressure. Whereabouts are you in Tauranga? Pardon me? Whereabouts in Tauranga are you? We're coming in on State Highway 2, which is a terrible road of lots of cars.

Donna, now, I don't want to put any pressure on you, but this will be the Tauranga trifecta because we've currently got two long weekend group toots with a successful Tauranga toot. You could be the third. Oh, no pressure. Three in a row. When you're ready, Donna, give it to us.

Okay. Okay. Toot, toot. You don't do the toot, Donna. You don't do the toot. Toot, toot. Donna, heartbreak. Oh, Donna! You don't do the toot! Toot toot! Toot toot, Donna! Heartbreak!

Oh, Donna, no! Heartbreak in Tauranga. Alright, well, it doesn't mean we can... Oh, we're not giving up. It doesn't mean we give up in Tauranga, does it? Oh, God, no. Now, Juanita and Rotorua, good morning. Good morning. Okay, now, Rotorua, not known for its bustling traffic, is it?

All you need is one car, Fletch. That's right. And a good attitude. Okay, alright, Juanita, when you're ready, give us one car, Fletch. That's right. And a good attitude. Okay. All right, Juanita, when you're ready, give us a long weekend group toot. All righty. Oh, Anita. Hey, great tooting, though.

It was great tooting from you, Juanita. We're going to get a positive out of this because it's not time of the day to get negative on it yet. No. Boston and Wellington, good morning. Hello. Hi, Amy. Boston, are you old enough to be driving a car? My dad is. Oh, I thought you'd stolen

it, but that's actually better that your dad's driving. Alright, Boston, is dad on the horn? Yes. Okay, alright. When you're ready, give us a long weekend group toot. Alright. I'll hold the phone out. Okay, good advice, yes. Okay, all right, then. When you're ready, give us a long weekend group toot. All right. I'll hold the phone out. Okay, good advice, Dad.

Courtney Place. Courtney Place. Yeah! Terrific! Set it off, Megan! Punch to the top! Shake it! Woo!

I've got caffeine in my mouth! Yes! Oh, I've blown itetti in my mouth! Yes! Oh, I've blown it all over the buttons. I can't even see the buttons to press one. Oh, no, I've done that before. It's quite hard to explain to the iPad guy. Boston, congratulations. Boston and Dad on the honours board.

You nailed it. Boston may be our youngest successful long weekend group tour. What's Dan's name? Matt. Matt and Boston on the board. Joining Kate. Two successful group tours so far. Bernie and Hamilton, whereabouts are you?

I'm just, I'm coming up to a roundabout. I think it's near Avalon. So somewhere in Hamilton with a roundabout. When you're ready, give us a long weekend, group toe, Bernie. Okay, are we ready? Yes. I'm hoping that someone at the roundabout understands. Here we go.

Okay. Oh, no. Oh, no. They don't listen to ZM. Bernie. Not many do. Should we try Ben? Let's go back to Ben.

Hamilton needs to be redeemed. Ben, are we try Ben? Let's go back to Ben. Hamilton needs to be redeemed. Ben, are we ready now? We're ready, all right. Okay, fire away. Go, Ben, go, Ben. Yes! Hamilton, Hamilton, Hamilton is moving.

Poor old Bernie. Poor old Bernie was literally just probably up the road. I know, and didn't get nothing. Ben and Bernie. Hello. Sorry. I'm excited. Ben, you're on the honours board, my friend.

Congratulations, Ben. Thank you so much, guys. Brilliant. Have a good one. Three. Thank you. All right. Let's go to Auckland now.

Ariane. Hello. I'm not saying that right, am I? Oh, that's an L. Oh, no. She's gone. Arlene's so disgusted at's an owl. Oh, no, she's gone. Arlene's so disgusted at the mispronunciation. No, she's out.

Caitlin, good morning. Oh, Caitlin's gone as well. Oh, no. What's happening? Well, we could do another... We could do another... Let's go do another... Wainui.

Grace, good morning. Hello. All right. Whereabouts are you exactly? Just coming down the Wainui Hill, stuck in traffic. Okay, the Wainui Hill, beautiful little echo across the valley. Okay. I feel like this is going to be a very poetic long weekend group tour.

Okay, all right. Well, Grace, when you're ready, give us a long weekend group tour. All right. Somebody did it, did you hear it? No, I did, I did. It was a little bit meh, meh. We need a repeat. There was multiple it? No. I did. I did. It was a little bit meh, meh. We need a repeat. There was multiple.

I thought I heard multiple. Wait, they're listening. Get that person in the car. Toot again. Toot again. Yes! Good. Good.

That's good. Yes. That was beautiful. Grace. That was the style and grace of your name. Grace, you are on the honours board. All right, we're going to take a little breather because we've got a lot of confetti in the studio covering things.

Yeah, it's a fire risk because if it falls down and completes a circuit, we'll all be on fire. If you want to try the Long Weekend Group Toot, 0800 dials at M right now. The OG Long Weekend Group Toot. We've got to be excited and we've blown all our confetti cannons. So I'm just repacking them by hand. Heating scenes while that song was playing.

Now, actually, just before we get into the Long Weekend Group 2 round, I've had a message from Soundkeeper Gary, who you'll remember from The Secret Sound. Oh, yes. And the e-bike. He's got an e-bike. Infamous, infamous e-biker. He's just messaged me. He's

asking if e-bikes can play along with the group toot. I mean he's trying isn't he? He's really trying. So if you've just joined us this is how the long weekend group toots you call us and start with it. And somebody else listening in traffic near you finishes off.

All right. We've had a good first run, though, haven't we? We've had four. We've had four successful long weekend group tours. We're running hot. We are running hot. Now, we're going to go to Auckland now. Cooper, good morning.

Hi. Hi. Again, you don't sound old enough to be driving a car. Oh, no, my mum is. Okay. Mum's driving. What's mum's name? What's mum enough to be driving a car. Oh, no, my mum is. Okay. Mum's driving. What's mum's name? Cooper's co-piloting.

Kirstie. Kirstie. Yeah. Okay. Whereabouts in Auckland are you, Cooper? Do you know what area? Bum Coast. What?

Where? Bum Coast. Bum Coast. Bum Coast. Bum Coast. Bum Coast. I was like, whereabouts is Bum Coast? I want to live on Bum Coast. Farm Cove. Farm Cove. I was like, where the hell is this Bum Coast? I want to live on Bum Coast.

All right, when you're ready. Farm Cove. When you're ready, Mum, give us a long weekend group two. All right, I'll just get back on the roundabout so we can get some traffic. Okay. Okay. Oh, no. No. Oh, man! No!

Oh, man, that's going to be disappointing. All right, hey, well, thanks for trying. Brittany, good morning. We're about to you. I'm in Hamilton on State Highway 1, just coming up to Hillcrest. Okay. Oh, busy. Busy.

Busy this time of day. That's not too far from where Ben was before in Hamilton. No, not quite. He's a little bit further into Hamilton. Right, okay. So a bit of pressure. When you're ready, Brittany, give He's a little bit further into Hamilton. Right, okay. So a bit of pressure. When you're ready, Brittany, give us a long weekend group tote. Okay, hang on.

Two seconds. Traffic's just moving a little bit, but I'm just coming up to the roundabout, and it is full as. Okay, good. All right, standing by. How about these Hamiltonians and all their demands? I know.

Hang on a second. I don't know. The whole country will wait for Hamilton. Okay, when you're ready. Yep. Okay, do it. Brittany. No.

Brittany, Brittany. Brittany. Brittany. Very muffly. We couldn't hear. All we could hear was. Okay, hang on. Don't put the phone right out the window.

Okay. Are we waiting? Has she muted it? Brittany, I think we've window. Okay. Are we waiting more? Has she muted it? Brittany, I think we've got... Brittany. Yes! We got there. We got there.

We got it. Good work. Brittany, you are... I tell you, the bees, we've had three bees from Hamilton today. Ben, Bernie and Brittany. On the honours board. Caitlin, good morning. Whereabouts are you? I'm in Auckland. Okay, whereabouts Brittany. On the honours board. Caitlin, good morning. Whereabouts are you?

I'm in Auckland. Okay, whereabouts? I'm past the park. You're past what? Sylvia Park. Bum Cove. I thought you were back at the Bum Cove again. I thought we were back at the Bum Cove. Caitlin, when you're ready, give us a long weekend

group take. What? Okay, ready? I'm going to do it. No. No. All right. Hey, well, thank you, Caitlin.

Jacob in Christchurch, good morning. Yeah, how you going, mate? Let's do this. All right, we're about to Christchurch. Because Christchurch started this strong. Yeah, out at Hcote, actually.

There's not much traffic, but there's a fair couple of people around. Well, you might bum coast. Heathcote. Heathcote. Heathcote. Okay, all right, Jacob, when you're ready, give us a long weekend group two. All right. Go.

Jacob, you've got a really tiny horn. Because of your deep voice and everything, I was expecting a big horn. I was expecting like a... But we got a... It was real little. It was like meep. Got the job done, though. That's very true.

It doesn't matter the size of the horn if it gets the job done. All right, thank you, Jacob. Let's go now to Jen and Todong. Good morning, Jen. We're in Tauranga, are you? Morning. We're in Otomoto, just outside Otomoto College. Right.

Okay, give us a long weekend. Group two, when you're ready. Okay, there's not heaps of traffic around at the moment, but we'll try it. Oh, my God. Bad attitude. Okay. Yes!

We got it. I heard a microscopic reply there. And that's all that it counts for. Good work for Tauranga. Now, Tauranga, that's three long weekend group tuts in a row. You've made the honours board. All right, I think we want to end with one. We're going to go to Jessie to finish off the long weekend group tut.

In Auckland? In Auckland, yeah, I know. Okay, bold choice. Well, we've got to Dunedin. Should we go to Dunedin after this? Anna, sorry, Jessie. Yes. Where in Auckland are you?

So I'm sitting on Manukau Road. Okay. I am, oh gosh, what point would I call this? I'm coming up to the Waitomo gas station. Which is over from Bum Cove, I believe. Yeah, yeah, it's not too far from Bum Cove. We believe. Yeah, yeah, it's not too far from Bum Cove. We know exactly where you are. I've been in my life.

Okay. Okay. Jessie, give us the Long Weekend Group Tute. Give me just a couple seconds. I mean, this has to be the only one time that Auckland doesn't have fixed traffic, right? Okay, we'll come back to you, Jessie. Listen, the Long Weekend Group Tute is a great solution to traffic because it seems to disappear the minute anybody starts getting involved.

Yeah, we'll come back to you because we want to go to Dunedin. We haven't had Dunedin on the Long Weekend Group Tute today. Dunedin has never featured on the Long Weekend Group Tute Honours Board. Good morning, Anna. Hi, hi. So no pressure. The Captain Cook near the university. Okay, so

near the lights, okay, alright. Give us a Long Weekend Group Tute. Okay. No, no, no, no, no, Anna, no, no, Anna. Quickly do it again because there's lots of people responding. Rhythm, rhythm, Anna, or I'll disqualify you. No, Anna, Anna, Anna, calm down. Stop.

Wait a second, wait a second. Anna, take a breath. Okay. One. I'm going to give you the example, Anna. Listen to this. This is good. breath. Okay. I'm going to give you the example, Anna. Listen to this. Now it goes one, two, one, two, three,

one, two, three, four. Okay? No, no, Anna, Anna, Anna, Anna, I'm going to stop you. I'm going to stop you again. You can do this, Anna. You can do this. Beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep, beep. Now this is for Dunedin's place on the honours board, Anna. Okay.

You can breathe. You're all right. Okay. Right. Beep, beep, beep, beep. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. No.

Could we talk you through and you do the beeps? Okay. Okay. I'll say beep. You press the horn, okay? And then we go quiet and wait for the reply. Okay. You ready? You ready, Anna? You ready? I'm going to walk you through this. Hold my hand. Shh. Deep breath. Okay. I'll say beep. You press the horn, okay? And then we go quiet and wait for the reply. Okay. You ready?

You ready, Anna? You ready? I'm going to walk you through this. Hold my hand. Deep breath. Okay. Beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep.

Beep, beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep. They gave up on you. They've gone. They've gone. But you tried and that's what matters It's not It's not really what matters

But Kids are fortified in the back Oh you're a mother Oh my god Take them home They can't go to school today You can't You

You Hide for the entirety of the weekend Look I just Do we want to go back to We can't finish on that Jessie good morning. Good morning. Give us a long weekend group toad.

Okay. All right. Give me two seconds. Oh, two seconds! I'm done. Okay, you ready? Yeah. Feeling the pressure.

Okay. All right. Okay. All right. Yes! What an absolute beauty. Jessie, congratulations. What a way to finish the long weekend group too.

Queen's birthday edition. How many was that? Does anyone have a tally? Seven. Seven? Seven. Checking against previous, seven out of 14. That's pretty good.

50% is pretty good. Hey, we passed. 50% is pretty good. C's get degrees. We got a degree. That is the good. 50% is pretty good. Hey, we passed. 50% is pretty good. C's get degrees. We got a degree. That is the singular biggest entry on the honours board. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day.

I just, now I'm going to go with it. After the dizzying heights and happiness of a long weekend, successful long weekend group, too. Yeah. And congratulations to all our participants, both those that made the broadcast and those that just did it, you know. Played along, yeah. For a little bit of personal glory on the roads of New Zealand. I thought this might bring it down, but it's not really down.

It just explains something. Okay. It's the origins of the term third New Zealand. I thought this might bring it down, but it's not really down. It just explains something. Okay. It's the origins of the term third world country. Okay. Because if you ever wondered why developing nations or those considered a poorer nation would be called a third world country. Because in the third tier of the... Their third place and we're first and they're third?

Because they're... Who decides on... Like socioeconomic scale or something no it's actually the term third world arose during the Cold War

so you were either on NATO's side you know Nathan he was kind of like the big guy at the time and everyone just called him NATO because he was so

pretty chill about it and he was no Megan that's not real I always hear people saying NATO who was NATO NATO is a North Atlantic Treaty organisation that's not real. I always hear people saying NATO. Who was NATO? NATO is the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation.

That's what it stands for. You're right, this was a silly one after the heights. The long weekend group too. I'm changing it. There's never been a fatal shark attack by a hammerhead shark. That's better. But why? Hammerhead shark since records began.

And records began a very long time ago, in like the 1500s. Don't they have little mouths? No, they've got the big ones. There's a hammer and then a little mouth. Oh, right. It doesn't go the whole width of the hammer. Yeah.

Can you imagine if you had a mouth significantly wider than your throat? I mean, I know we do, but not to the dimensional disproportion of if the mouth of the hammerhead was the entire width of the hammer. But then, like, if I was, say, I was out surfing, brah. Oh, nah, they have big mouths. Don't worry about it. And, like, someone bites, a shark bites me on the leg or the thigh,

I'm not going to turn around and identify that shark. Am I? No, people have. But that's also, you wouldn't die. Right. Oh, that's what you wouldn't die. Right. That's what you're saying. If they died. There has been attacks by hammerhead sharks.

Okay. 17 on record. But completely non-fatal and unprovoked. Right. So that could have been surfing and they mistook you for a delicious seal. Because I was on a jet ski once and it went under my jet ski. Now I shit myself. I was like, don't fall off, don't fall off.

It was like out in the ocean. Did you put your legs up on the seat? Yeah, I was like, no, because I was like, don't stop because then I'm going to idle. And then it'll knock me off. Oh, you've got to power out of it. Yeah, get out of there. It's scary. You've got to power out of it.

In fact, whilst the hammerhead shark has, you know, had absolutely zero fatal attacks. There's only three sharks that actually have had fatal attacks that number into double digits. The great white? Yes, correct. Yep. The tiger shark and the bull shark. Okay. Those are the only three. And the hammerhead, like, I was, because whenever there's like

a gang of like baddie sharks and cartoons or if there's like mutated people that have been turned into animals and one's a shark, there's always a hammerhead in the mix. He's never the leader though, is he? Nah, he's always like the grunt. Like he does the hard yards. So I just thought maybe they'd had a fatal attack, but they had not.

So today's fact of the day is, oh, that third world thing? So NATO was one, communist allies were second world, and third world was everybody who wasn't on either team. So technically like Scandinavian, technically the Scandinavian countries are third world countries, but that's by the by. Today's fact of the day, because people would have been like, I didn't get the end of that. Hammerhead sharks have had zero

fatal attacks on humans. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. The podcast. A frustrated mother has taken to mum's net. This is like when you get a lot from mum's net.

Juicy. Juicy. Also known as whinging.com, is it? But also some good tips and stuff on there. Yeah. But I feel like a lot of news stories come from this website. I think it's more likely not whinging.com called I thought you had my back.net. Oh, right.

Okay. They're like, oh, the mums are going to love this. And then the mums turn on the other mums and the mums are like, what? Well, one mum has done, I thought, it's kind of a mean whinge and everyone's backed her up. So she went to her friend's wedding

and she was so frustrated at what they'd done, she complained about it to everyone online. So she turned up and they had not done a sit down meal. They had done a side down meal they had done

a side table of sandwiches, scones and cake. What time of the day was the wedding? It was afternoon. So she said it was getting to dinner time though and she was like are we supposed to go up table by table? Are we all supposed to line up 100

plus people to get our sandwich? She was like you know it's not really enough food. Everyone's going to be hungry. And especially if everyone's drinking. Yeah. You don't want just a couple. That's funeral catering. That's not wedding catering.

You'd be angry. Oh, hell yeah. If I am going to go to a wedding. But people were saying, oh, you don't have to take a gift then. Like, you'll have... So there was no pre-warning that there was only going to be scones and cintoaches? No, no. Hmm.

Yeah, because then I would just sort of eat and hate before I went. Was there still booze? It doesn't say. Now we're getting absolutely right if there's not booze. You're always going to pay to go to someone's wedding. You've got to wear something, especially, you know, females find it quite tough. You've got to buy a whole new outfit. Yeah.

So you're already spending hundreds of dollars. So to me, you've got to be getting that back from the wedding and food and booze in good time. Like, you know what I mean? I think you've got to, like, manage your expectations with other people's weddings. Well, they might not have been able to afford the catering. And that's what some people have said, but then people have argued and said, if you can't afford proper catering, invite less people.

Well, just don't have a big wedding like that. Yeah. Just have a little ceremony with your friends and that. But, like, you can get more food when you go home. Like, if you weren't satisfied, just stop at McDonald's. It's kind of their wedding day, isn't it? Yeah, but I just want to make just a heads up. Yeah. Yeah. of their wedding day, isn't it? I mean, I would have been annoyed. Just a heads up.

Yeah. So I can have like a massive roast before I come. Or I just take a roast chicken and one of those little hot bags. Have it under the seat and just nibble at it. I was going to say, you want to put it inside your suit because those hot bags keep it hot, but then the juice eventually escapes. And if it's still too hot, it'll burn you.

It's dangerous. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. The podcast. For more too hot, it'll burn you. It's dangerous.