ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - June 05 2018

Episode Date: June 4, 2018

Producer Caitlin lost her whole life over the weekend, Vaughan made a hot sauce and when did you get the wrong house?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletchford and Megan podcast, thanks to Sparks. Shoot incredible videos in super slow-mo with the Samsung Galaxy S9. Ten out of ten. Short week, this is great. It's Tuesday already. Feels like a Monday, but it's not. It's a Tuesday, just had to say. You have to say that, don't you?

On a short week, you have to. You don't have to, but you sure like to. Now, you've been in the kitchen this long weekend. I have been, yes. You've brought in a cooler bag. Yes. I look like I'm a tradie off to a... You did.

Off to work and I've packed my lunch or had someone pack it for me. You did. You walked in like a tradie with your cooler, your esky. Yeah. My smash bag. I don't know why it's called smash. Maybe just the brand. I have been, I've made four batches of Dad's hot sauce.

Can I smell it already? Is that what I can smell? I don't know. But ooh, look at this. Look how bright orange that is. That's the good stuff. What does that say on it? Dad's hot salsa.

You've got to come up with a better name than that. No, because I named it and I said to the girls, I was like, what should I call my hot sauce? And they were like, Dad's hot sauce.

XXX. XXX Hot. I believe that's the hottest. Okay. That was made with a mixture of peppers. There's already a Dad's Hot Sauce on the market. I've just had a look. What is it?

No, it's a hot. It's spelled H-A-W-T. Hot Salsa. It's spelled S-A-W-S-A-A-H. Hot Salsa. Right. There's also Big Daddy's Hot Sauces. I'm just going to quick Google. You've got to do a Google before you brand your hot sauce. Right, there's also Big Daddy's hot sauces. I've just done a quick Google.

You've got to do a Google before you brand your hot sauce. This is just a working title. Okay. It's just a working title. I don't do, like I do sweet chilli sauce. Oh no, you're going to be,

you're my tasting panel. Later on this morning. Have you tasted it? Like how hot are we talking? One of them. One of them. Dad's XXX hot salsa. Because I added way more peppers and I used my hotter peppers, one of them one of them dad's XXX how to souse

because I added way more peppers and I used my heart of peppers my bird's eye peppers which are these tiny tiny tiny peppers

no ridiculous I'm really surprised how well they grew we'll get the work experience kid in to do that too he can get in on that too because I'm not doing

hot sauce see how deep your voice is after that later on in the show you'll be like alright you lot listen up it's story time I'm not doing hot sauce. See how deep your voice is after that. Later on in the show, you'll be like, Oh! All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time.

Three news headlines for three stories that I've found online. They're interesting, unusual, quirky, weird news stories. Vaughan and Megan, pick one of the following three headlines. Headline one, town doesn't condone arson, but happy about it. Headline two, internet urging girl to dump her boyfriend. And headline three, naked man arrested while clothes shopping. I go. So the town didn't sanction the arson, but it obviously burnt down like an eyesore or something they wanted to get rid of anyway.

Yes. But the fire obviously was the shortcut to that. Yeah, it was. Yeah. Yeah. Like, how intensely do people investigate causes of fire? What are you thinking of doing some light insurance fraud? Or light arson at the weekend.

No, but I've always thought. Because didn't a lot of people in Christchurch, well not a lot, but a few there were some fires, weren't there that conveniently took care of problems? When questions were, is my property going to be red zoned, like is it going to be what the story is? Yeah, yeah, mysterious fires broke out. Yeah.

But I mean, at the same time a lot of those a lot of those fires could have been caused by the disrupting of power and all that sort of thing I just would have straight up burnt my house down I'm not saying anybody did

but I would have but that's why I wondered sometimes it can be convenient you see a fire that I would label more as a convenience than a disconvenience? Inconvenience. Inconvenience.

And I think, you know, they're so confusing. Words. And I think how much are they looking into that? I don't know. Don't they have like a unit? You can't Google that because then if you Google it and then it happens. Because there's no TV. There's a TV show about everything, like every kind of crime unit,

but there's not a TV show about fire investigation. No, not unless someone dies in the fire. And then it becomes a series of crimes. Because it wouldn't be a good TV show. You'd just be like, oh, here's some charcoal remains of the building. Oh, this farm shed burnt down. There's a motorbike in it. They'll be claiming insurance on that.

Yeah, well. And that's the end of the show. End of the terrible show. Terrible TV show. So not that. And the guy who got naked trying on clothes, that's fairly self-explained. Yeah.

He was. Okay, so we've done that. We're done with that. What do you want story two? Internet tells, yeah. What's story two? Told the girl to break up with her boyfriend. Okay, well, yeah, the internet is telling a girl,

Bridenator is her Twitter name. Oh, I thought that was her real name. This is how this started. She posted over the weekend saying, I don't think... So she quotes her boyfriend. It starts with a quote from her boyfriend. I don't think I've ever had a Kit Kat before.

Okay. That's the quote. And then she remarks, my boyfriend remarks before doing this. And then posts a photo of her boyfriend taking a bite.

He's taken a bite out of the Kit Kat the long way. No. He's just bitten it instead of snapping the sticks. He hasn't broken off a finger. No, he's just bitten all five fingers. He's just eaten it from the end the sticks. He hasn't broken off a finger. No, he's just bitten all five fingers.

He's just eaten it from the end. Four fingers. Animal. Yeah. And so that started a flurry, including celebrities, who weighed in saying, who is this monster? Yeah, break up with him. Break up with him.

Because that's not how you eat a Kit Kat. I saw somebody do that with a fruit for yonks once. What's a fruit for yonks?. What's a fruit for yonks? It was like a roll-up, but real thin, and it rolled real long. It was like a metre of rolled up fruit leather. Oh, yeah, we never had those. It was like a pov. But it had, like, paper on one side.

Yeah, well, somebody unrolled it, took the paper out, rolled it back up, and then ate it from the side. Oh, a monster. What a monster. What? Crazy, eh? The whole point is it lasts for yonks. Yeah, and you just eat it like a sellotape roll.

Yeah. Or you wrap it around your finger and make a finger lollipop. Yeah, but that was always grim because the stickiness would then drip down into the webbing of the finger. It was like a push pop. Never got into them. Do you know I've never had one? Haven't you? A push pop.

No, or a fruit for yonks. Just a fruit for yonks. I don't know if they even make fruit for yonks anymore. I had a roll-up. Because everyone found out it was just like sugar. It's a sheet of sugar. What? There's no fruit in this?

Do they still do roll-ups? No, I don't think so. I don't know. They do versions of roll-ups, but they're not as nice as roll-ups. Like, kids will never know the joy of pulling out your teeth while they were rolling. Fruit roll-ups. Uncle Toby's. Yeah, Fun Prince strawberry.

They do still do them. Well, he's Aussie. How many stars does it have? Well, I can't imagine many. Negative four health stars for teeth. This is just sugar, basically, isn't it? Yeah, it was. Delicious sugar. Oh, we're going to break up with the guy who can't eat a Kit Kat right and, yeah.

You should always break up with somebody. Savour the treat. Yeah. Just such a weird can't eat a Kit Kat right. And yeah, you should always break up with somebody. Oh, savour the treat. Yeah. Just such a weird way to eat a Kit Kat. A strange new study that's been done that says, basically, if you're on a diet, you need to go to a nice, quiet restaurant. Because the study was done at the University of South Florida. They did lots of different genres of music, lots of different restaurants, and they have found that the louder the music is,

the more unhealthy the choices of food. So if you're in a restaurant and the music is pumping, it really doesn't matter what genre of music, you're more likely to get chippies and burgers. Because what is putting you in a good mood? It's kind of amping you up? Well, soft music is calming. Yeah, louder music gets you amped up.

So, like, your heart rate goes up. You're more aroused. Your decision-making goes out the window. Is that why, like, Supre and, like, some... Yeah, because you walk in and you're like, oh, I can't... I'll make a sensible decision. No.

And then it's like... And you get all irrational. I'm like, sure, a T-shirt with daddy's little slut seems like a great idea. Orange you say, I'm in. And you walk out, you're like, what happened to me in there? I was only window shopping.

Pretty much. So yeah, like if you're trying to control what you eat, they're saying go to a quiet place because then you can control your decision making. Right. That would go for in the club too. That's why we make terrible decisions in the club. And it's dark.

And then add alcohol to that and then we're just making even more terrible decisions. We've taken away all our senses. That's why I only hook up with dudes at the RSA. Nice and quiet and you can make some sensible decisions about which over 40 year old dude you want to hook up with. Right.

Okay, did you go to the RSA at the weekend? No, I was going to. Sade wasn't overly well. Right. And then put the idea out to the lads in the neighbourhood. But they all had, like, sickness in the family too. Everyone's sad. Sad, sad.

Yeah, sad. Could you not go by yourself and hang out with Barry? I could have. I could have. That's a first sign. That's a first sign, though, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. It's something I'm saving for a little bit down the track.

Do you have any RSA mates? Just the guy behind the bar. What's his name? I don't know. He knows my name, but I don't know his. I'll find out next time I'm there. Okay. Because, yeah, he always says High Vaughan.

I'm like, get up, mate. Get up, mate. Just a Carlsberg for me. Does he not have a name tag? Yes. Yes. Last time it was half under his vest, mate. Just a Carlsberg for me. Does he not have a name tag? Yes. Yes. Last time it was half under his vest, though. Right.

What were the first few letters? No, I can see the last few letters. Oh, what were the last few? Might have been an A-N-N-N. Nathan. Maybe. It could be Vaughn, too. Could be Vaughn, could be Ian, could be Nathan.

Megan. Could be Megan. Megan. Megan. Gregan. Gregan. Greg too. Could be Vaughn, could be Ian, could be Nathan. Could be Megan, Gregan. Gregan. Gregan, Grogan. Could be anything. With an A on the end. F-E-M. Z-E-M.

This is an intense story out of the UK. A kid who's now 15, he was 13 at the time, has kind of become the poster child for online gambling and the dangers it poses to people of any age. Right. Because this boy was 13 when his gambling, online gambling started. He said he was watching football. Yeah. And he saw an advert for online bookmakers.

So he got his mobile phone. He logged on, created an account using all of his dad's details. Yeah. His dad's name, address, date of birth. And he had previously taken a photo of his dad's details, his dad's name, address, date of birth. And he had previously taken a photo of his dad's credit card. However, it was his dad's business credit card. Right. So he started gambling and some of the biggest bets he placed

were about $5,700 New Zealand dollars on single bets. He was betting on everything, football matches, horse races, the lot. Now, you might be thinking, how the hell do you not notice that amount of money going through a credit card? Yeah. It was his dad's business credit card, and apparently it turns over around about $57,000 a month, and a lot of it linked to a credit card because then the company gets the reward points.

Right, okay. So it wasn't really noticed until about six months down the track and at that stage it was owed more than $37,000. Which when you think about it, the boy must have been having some success.

Sure. He could have been losing every bit. Wow and 13. So due to the fact, due to his age, he was sent for therapy and everything. And they said he'd learned his lesson. Several months down the track, he felt the itch

and he gave it a scratch. He went for a week-long gambling binge and ran up $114,000 New Zealand dollars debt. On the credit card? On his dad's credit card. I don't know if he got another one or just still had the same details

or what. You think dad would have been hiding that away? Does dad still have his job? This company sounds very lax. I don't know. When I was just reading it, it felt like the dad had been doing some gambling that hadn't been going right so he made the son take the blame.

But the son, who's now 15, so a couple of years this has come out lately, he's the one that has come forward and said, yeah, and it's dangerous at any age to get into online gambling. And he said it was so simple to start as a 13-year-old if you knew your dad's details. You could just get online. Yeah. I'm so glad I don't have like the gambling addiction because even if I put like 10 or 20 in the pokies, that's it.

I'm like, oh, that's bloody useless. I don't even do that. Oh, I'll do that like once in a blue moon and then I lose and I'm out for another six months or a year. I need to see something tangible for my money. I'm like, that could have bought like a three pack of undies at Kmart or something. With that $10. You're not wearing a three pack of undies from Kmart. No, do you know, when I'm going on holiday,

I'm away for 17 days, so I have to go buy some undies because I literally don't have 17 pairs of undies and I don't have a washing machine. You don't know if you're going to be able to do a wash. Yeah. So I've got to go buy some undies. It's a good call.

I do that as well. I take all my undies when I go on holiday. Yeah. Every single last pair. Every single pair. Even your crusty ones. Just before you leave to go on holiday, the day before when you're doing the wash to get everything clean, you either wear no undies or the

worst undies you've got. You're like, I'm not going to take these anyway. No, these aren't coming. I can't risk being in a plane crash and they find my body. I'll be the only one that's not burnt to a cinder and they'll give me my autopsy and they'll be like, oh, God, he could have put on nice undies. Are these things Kmart?

Jeez, are these things of a Jessica? Highly flammable. These skids didn't happen during the crash. We've carbon dated the poo. It's old. Didn't soak them at the time, obviously. FVM, the podcast. So researchers have found that, you know how like for ages, there's been the song Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees

that was the perfect beat for BPM for CPR. This song here, yeah. Yeah, which is kind of appropriate because you're like... I'll fast forward it. I'll fast forward it to that. Push, push, push on the chest. It doesn't, like, when should you stop and breathe, though. It doesn't give you an indication of when you...

Like, how many times are you supposed to do it? 50 times, 20 times? I don't know. I don't know. Right, I think I'd panic if I was faced with that and just scream and call 111. Well, there is

a new song that you can hum which they say is the absolute perfect rhythm for CPR and it's Macarena.

The Macarena. Macarena. That's slightly less insensitive than staying alive, isn't it? No, it's more insensitive because at least youensitive than staying alive, isn't it? No, it's more insensitive because at least you're like staying alive. You're doing your best.

You're putting a positive message out there for the universe to pick up on. This is like you're on the dance floor. If you start singing this while you're giving CPR. When does the person do the breathe in? What's the deal now? On the macrame there. Because you should, just to keep in the rhythm of things, when they're doing the breathing, you should do the head, not the hands.

When it goes, hey, Macarena, you breathe in the nose. Macarena. Yeah, I don't know that for sure. But apparently this is the perfect BPM. Push, push, push, push, push Okay, again, I'll probably just point out Don't take any CPR advice from us So I googled both of these songs

They sit at about 104 or 105 beats per minute Oh, they're saying, yeah, 103 BPM is perfect 103 beats, okay Because then other songs that are in that In that sort of speed Is Pink Just Like a Pill What? Really? Just like a pill

Instead of making me Instead of making me Ew I guess that would be the same That would be interchangeable What else is there? An absolute show favourite Are you scaring me to the cross? That's insensitive What else is there? An absolute show favourite.

He's skimming to the chorus. That's insensitive. Can't stay on your life support. Hang on, what part of the song? The chorus, I guess. But this doesn't sound as fast as the Macarena. Push, push, push, push, push, push, push, push, push. Again, if you're singing away while doing it, though, it's like...

Being sensitive if the St. John's person was doing this. Chet, Are You Gonna Be My Girl is another one. Oh, okay. I'm gonna be my girl. I mean, the problem is you've just got to be like, hold on just a minute. I know you're dying, but I've just got to get this Spotify playlist up.

I can't remember the chorus. How does it go? Yeah. Oh, yeah, this old fast forward. You shake the tambourine. I've got to get into the rhythm of the... I'm going to be resuscitating you any minute. What do you think?

You're not doing tambourining. You're not tambourining enough. Here we go. Pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, and breathe. Then pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump. And away you go. You want to be careful you don't go double time like... You don't want to get a drummer on it in case it's a double kick.

Yeah, you don't want to sing that to someone who's dying on the street. drummer on it in case it's a double kick. One, two, three, take my hand and come with me because you look so fine that I really want to make you mine. Yeah, you don't want to sing that to someone who's dying on the street. Semi-Charmed Life by Third Eye Blinds,

another one. Oh, what an absolute banger from the 90s. Oh, there's some bangers sitting around this, Mark. Missy Elliott, Work It. Oh, yeah, right. Okay.

I'll fast forward this to the... Fast forward that. Why isn't it fast forward this to the... Fast forward that. Why isn't it fast forwarding? I don't know. Stay with me. Stay with me, Steve. Breathe.

I don't know the words to this part. I don't know the chorus. Stay with me. Don't go anywhere here. She goes down on me. Now, I shouldn't have said part. I don't know the chorus. Stay with me. Don't go anywhere. She goes down on me. Now, I shouldn't have said that. I'm resuscitating you. This is no time for a sort of blasphemy reference.

Sorry, I'm a little bit nervous. I talk when I'm nervous. I'm just trying to save my life. Your life. Live. Live to release the chorus. This is the part we know. Let your breath.

I want something else to get me through this semi-trump kind of life. Baby, baby. All these words are so insensitive. I know. We're considering someone's dead and we try to resuscitate them.

Missy Elliott, work it as well. Okay. As in there. You put your thing down, flip it, I'm a person. We could do this all day. We could literally do this all day. This is a great song. Have you Googled lyrics?

Mm-mm. Oh, okay. I'm just looking at songs that sit at about that 102, 103 beats per minute range. Well, maybe the ambulances need to have a playlist. And then if it's your dad that needs to be resuscitating that John Mellencamp song, Jack and Diane's in there. Little story about Jack and Diane.

Two American kids growing up being a hot lady. Because dad's going to like that better than he does Missy Elliott. I don't know bloody Missy Elliot. Today's top six of top six things I couldn't go without on a 17-hour flight. This guy on a flight, Qantas flight, between Perth and London. This is the first time ever, by the way, a direct flight has linked these two countries. A commercial direct link. It's getting crazy.

Like, the flight's getting longer. They're getting longer and longer. 17 hours from Perth all the way to London. Now, people have been asked to wear wearable devices that kind of take a measurement of everything throughout the flight, heart rate, if you're sleeping, everything. And at the end of it, they say, thank you very much. You also punch in on the flight how you're sleeping, everything. And at the end of it, they say, thank you very much. You also punch in on the flight how you're feeling

because they're trying to make new anti-jet lag technology, including upping the humidity in the cabin and also pressurising to a lower altitude. Right. So you feel better when you're... That's the idea. That's the idea. And they're saying from what they've learned already,

people who are already fit and healthy and don't try to fight against jet lag by waking themselves up at certain times on the flight and going for a walk around on the flight should land feeling better than people, should land feeling better than those people that do try to fight the jet lag. Right.

So don't try to fight it. If you're fit and healthy, you should be in a much better situation. Right. Because we did that 17-hour flight to Doha, Megan. Yeah. Last year, and that was long. Restless. How many times did you go toilet?

Heaps. A few, yeah. Because this is the amazing thing. One of the guys that wore this wearable technology did not go to the toilet once in a 17-hour fight didn't leave his seat i was going to say 17 hours business class seat yeah see i mean if there was any seat you're not going to leave it so why but you to go wheeze like is he not having any drinks with meals i've got to get up and stretch like even on a three-hour flight yesterday just got up had a walk around yeah But then I have had a mini stroke from DV. You've had deep vein thrombosis. So I take these a bit serious now.

So the top six things I couldn't go without on a 17-hour flight. Number six, going for an aimless walk around the plane and having a look at the small windows. Oh, yeah, I love that. The small window that's in the door. Yeah, I love that. It's so small and you stick your head right up to it and you're like, no, I can actually see more out of the window I'm sitting by on the plane.

And it's so tiny. I know, it's so tiny. And also on that aimless walk, the key is to try to make it look like you belong wherever you are. Yeah, right. Like if you're in the back area. Yeah, in the galley. Yeah, you're kind of like, how's it going?

Fold your arms. That's what you say to the air hostesses and stewards. You're like, how's it going? You don't have any water, do you? Oh, they love that. Yeah, they do. Just sort of stretch my legs, but also stay hydrated, they say. Number five on the list of the top six things I couldn't go without on a 17-hour flight.

Carbs. They say you go without carbs. It'll help the jet lag. Do they? Yeah, apparently. Why are they serving so much bread? I was going to say that rolls out all airline food,

doesn't it? Yeah. Someone would say that to me and say, shut up and get me an extra serving of a dinner roll of mashed potatoes, please.

Love a little, I know I shouldn't, but I quite like the mashed potatoes in an airplane meal. It's just what I would imagine being in a retirement village is like.

Not a single lump. And all the little compartments. Yeah. Yeah. But then when I'm done with it, I want it taken away immediately. I know, but you have to wait, don't you? I know, you have to wait. Number four on the list of the top six

things I couldn't go without on a 17-hour flight. A Friends episode. There's always one on the Infight Entertainment. God, I hope it's the one where Ross gets that tan. How do you count Mississippilously? That's on the thing. He's a two. He got a two on a two. So he's a four? It's a dark tan. How do you count Mississippilously? That's on the thing. He's a two. He got a two on a two. So he's a four?

It's dark tan. How do you remember that? I could have used the pivot. I was going to use the pivot episode, but I went with the tan one. Number three on the list of the top six things I couldn't go without on a 17-hour flight. Playing with the window shade, the tray table, the recline

seat button, anything basically. Oh, you know that? I'll play with anything. That goes right through to the next seat. Yeah. They feel it all. I know. Because I had a person that was pushing the buttons too hard. Oh, aggressively? Oh, the screen type. Yeah. And it bangs your head over that. You don't need to push the whole chair. Yeah.

Did you say anything? No. I did one of those turn around like shoot aggressive look. I'm looking. I know what you're doing. My dad did this on a plane. This is when we were going to Fiji. Someone was behind him tapping and he just put his hand up like, stop.

Ian, what a power play. Did that work? He just put his hand up like, stop. Stop. Because all you see is the top of his little bald head and his hand up. Wow, that's a real power play. But he said it worked.

That's a real dad move because it's actually back in the day when you get a hiding, hey, like that's a, I'm coming up with a hiding hand. It made me stop and I wasn't doing anything. I was sitting in front of him. I just felt the presence of a hand up. I'm like, someone's going to get a smack. Yeah, that's your verbal warning.

Non-verbal, verbal warning. Non-verbal, verbal. And the number two on today's top six of the top six things I couldn't go without on a 17-hour flight. Pressing the flight attendant call button when you can't find something and then unpressing it when you find

what you were looking for. And hoping they don't see you in the meantime. I've got a pen to fill up this customs form. Bing! Oh, found my pen. Oh! Again, I bet they love when people ask them for a pen. Yeah. No, sir, I don't have a pen. Again, I bet they love when people ask them for a pen. Yeah.

No, Sarah, I don't have a pen. They should have heaps of little pencils like you used to get pizza. Oh, yeah, right. Just give them out and click them off the floor at the end of it. And the number one thing I couldn't go without on a 17-hour flight, drinking booze when you don't feel like it just because it's free. Yes. And you say to your, you're just like like it's seven o'clock in the morning but

what's a breakfast drink is it a gin and tonic it is yeah you get yourself one of those and you say one more movie and one more drink and then i should really try to get some sleep three more drinks two more movies that is today's top six a story from dunedin at the weekend. There was a rugby game on down there. The Hurricanes played the Highlanders. Yeah. I called it the H battle. The H.

Okay. The battle of the H's. Okay. No one else did. I can see why now. It's not really catching on in studio either. No. But it was after that that this is the timeline.

Okay. This is the timeline. Okay. This is the timeline. So after the game and after the post-game sort of celebrations or commiserations, there was a meal and a celebration at the team room of the hotel for Brad Shields' 100th cap. Okay. So that went to about 1.30, apparently, at which point Geordie Barrett and a couple of teammates were like, let's go into town

and meet up with a mate of mine. We're in Dunners. It's the Dun thing. Yeah. So, then there's a little bit of a period of just towning.

Okay. What time was this on the timeline? 1.30? That was 1.30 when that was ended. So, then we rejoined the timeline

at 5 a.m. Okay. Where Barrett entered a house on Howell Street that they thought was where one of their friends was hosting a party. Right. Nobody was there. So they were like, oh, well, let's sit down and eat the maccas that we purchased

on the way to the house. Yeah. At which point they are then confronted by two women whose house it is. Oh, no. Okay. So then the police got called. Yeah. Because, obviously, that the police got called. Yeah. Because obviously that's quite freaky. Yeah.

But they said, oh heck, we're in the wrong. Sorry. Apparently they were very polite. They were like, oh we're in the wrong house. Sorry about that. And left. But did she not know? It's 5am. Some strangers are in your house. But did she not know who they were? No. Okay. Well, yeah. They're quite

demanding figures, aren't they? Yeah. That'd be quite scary. But good. But anyway, apparently their door was open. Yeah, it was unlocked.

And that's why they were able to just walk in. It was an unlocked door. I don't know, maybe they were expecting flight mates home and they didn't

have a key. No, you leave the key somewhere. You don't leave your door unlocked. Yeah, it seemed like knock on my window and I'll open it for you.

Yeah. Okay. So, he talked to the media yesterday on the way to the All Blacks training camp in Auckland. In Wellington, he talked to the media and he's like, look, I can remember everything that happened. It was only a few drinks. I wasn't intoxicated. It was a genuine mistake. Right.

And Steve Hansen, the coach, had to come out and say, look, it was a genuine mistake. Yeah, yeah. So the publicity machine's in overdrive. He's just gone into the wrong house. Let's not press charges, anyone. Let's just calm down. No further action being taken. And I mean, it's probably something

I've ended up in the wrong house before. In fact, oh no, it was in Wellington I ended up in the wrong house. Because my friends lived in these houses where there was like five in a row and they all looked the same. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I couldn't remember what end they were on.

Oh, yeah. And again, unlocked door, walked into the wrong end of the five houses. And so did anybody confront you? I was asleep when they did. Because they were all furnished and everything. Right. It was like some sort of student accommodation or something. Okay.

Oh, look, the details are foggy. It was a while ago and the details were foggy even then. But yeah, I got woken up when I was on the couch being like, hey, who are you? What are you doing here? And I was like, oh. Hey, bearded homeless man. I wasn't bearded at the time.

Were you not? No. Oh, okay. Sideburns. Yeah, did you have that here? Yeah, I had that here. I think that's more scary. Yeah, still quite homeless-y looking.

Probably a lot of Johnny Depp bangles happening on the wrist as well. Oh, God. Okay. Good times. But they were pretty cool about it. They're like, oh yeah, now you've got the wrong house. I was like, okay, cool. But some people get charged over this.

Oh, we had to call the cops once in Hamilton. This guy was in our flat and I was like, we lived with quite a few people. So I went round and I was like, hey, is this mate of yours in the lounge? And all the girls were like, nah, don't know who this guy is. And we couldn't wake him. Oh no. So we just rung the cops and we're like, hey, we don't, he's not who this guy is and we couldn't wake him oh no so we just rung the cops and we're like

hey we know he's not dangerous or anything but we can't wake this guy up we don't want him to die on our couch can we come and get him your problem now

and yeah it turned out he was just on the wrong side of the road right but I mean the houses were completely different can we take some calls and it might not

always be drunk stories although I'm sure most of them would be drunk and mistaken, genuinely having the wrong house. But when did you get the wrong house? And maybe you were sober and you were going to someone's party and they said, yep, just come on in, we'll be out the back. And then you get the wrong house.

Yeah, you're waiting for the party to start. Just in the wrong house. This party's pretty quiet, I might make myself a sandwich while I wait. All right, 0800-DARLS-IT-M-9696. Was it a genuine mistake? When did you get the wrong house? Give us a call. You text in.

We're talking about when you've ended up in the wrong house. It happened to Geordie Barrett on the weekend after a rugby game in Dunedin. And it's news when it's an all black. Any other weekend when it's a drunk student doesn't make the news. And you can imagine it happens most weekends. Yeah. So, I mean, you've accidentally worn that into one old villa. You've worn that into them all.

You've done it yourself, Vaughan. And we're asking the question now, when have you got the wrong house? Drunk or not? Because it can be an honest, sober mistake. Oh, 100%. Although I'm too sure. I'm just like, I don't like going into, well, I wouldn't go into someone's house

unless they greeted me at the door. Yeah. No, neither. You know, some people tell the pizza delivery people or the Uber eats, yeah, they're like, come through the door. Yeah, I'm in the back room. We're in the back because we're so lazy

or we might not hear you. I couldn't do that. No. We're like, no, meet me at the front door. It'd be awkward otherwise. 0800Diles.com is the number. Bex, when did you get the wrong house? So I walked into my brother's house.

Yeah. Thought we were going there for a play drink. Walked in with me and my friend. I thought his friend answered the door. It was just this guy by himself. And I was like, hey, where did the strippers get ordered? And it turns out it was his next door neighbour, and it was this was just this guy by himself. And I was like, hey, where are the strippers you ordered? And it turns out it was his next door neighbour and it was this guy playing video games by himself.

And so your joke, where are the strippers you ordered? He's like, well, I'm mine. Why not? Because the universe has provided. I put it out there and the universe has delivered. And so how awkward is it when you go to sit down and he's like, actually, you've got the wrong house?

Well, he just told us at the front door, he was like, because we went to go walk. He was like's like, actually, you've got the wrong house? Well, he just told us at the front door, he's like, because we went to go walk. He's like, ah, no, you've got the wrong house. Yeah, he's playing video games. He doesn't have time for do this. I know. I was speaking to him on a Saturday night, a video game. Yeah. He's like, no, no, no, no, no.

I've been waiting all week for these sweet video games. Hey, thanks, Bex. Riley, when did you get the wrong house? So I work on the ambulance. Oh, okay. And we were going to quite a serious call. So, oh, Bex. Riley, when did you get the wrong house? So I work on the ambulance. Oh, okay. And we were going to quite a serious call, so all, you know, geared up. Yep. Quite often, the people on the phone tell them to leave the door open.

Okay. And so we're bold and, like, all go. And you carry your big bag, don't you, with the thing? Oh, we've got so many things. Yeah, okay. And so we're, you know, at least four of us and this woman's vacuuming. Yeah.

She turns around and gets the fright of her life. Yeah, they would scare the shit out of you. Especially because you're quite fluorescent, Riley, with all your fluoro stuff.

Yeah, and you know, she wasn't expecting anyone, you know, let alone four people with all, you know. And so,

we've said, where's the patient? And she's just gone, like, look, you've given me a fright, but this is just not the right house. Imagine if she'd actually had a heart attack. Yeah. Good people to get a heart attack from. Then we had to deal with finding the actual right house,

and we found it in the end, but yeah. Right. Were you too late? Were they okay? No, we made it. We made it. Because imagine if you'd spent time fluffing around in the woman's vacuuming and somebody's on their third round

of semi-charm kind of life or resuscitation and I want something else. Where are they? Thanks Riley. Liz, when did you get the wrong house? Well, it wasn't me. It was my 80-year-old man. Oh, bless you. I don't think she was drunk

but she's like a staunch Sally Army, so at least she popped some sherry. I'm not sure. Oh, yep you. I don't think she was drunk, but she's like a staunch Sally Army. So at least she popped some sherry, I'm not sure. Oh, yep, okay. But she was looking for a new house. Okay. And so it's Sunday afternoon, and she's doing the rounds of open homes. And so she sees all of these shoes outside this house that she wants to go and check out. Yep.

So she waltzes in. She goes all through the entire house, like literally the entire house, backyard, front yard, everything. Checking it out, yeah. And then she finds herself in the dining room where this family are literally

sitting down for Sunday lunch. Oh my god. And they turn around and they're like hello. It's a rope nana. And she's like, hi. She's like, is it, are they like putting on a spree for the open? That'd be a

great way to get some people interested in the house. Show how well it caters to a family meal. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god. She was still kind of like, what's going on? Like, just a little bit confused about the whole situation. Oh, bless her. She didn't sit down and, what's going on? Like, just a little bit confused about the whole situation. Oh, please, her. She didn't sit down and eat anything, did she? No, but it would be quite like her,

because she does like a little bit of kai around there. Yeah. Well, Sally Army, they love to provide them, but they also love, you know, being supplied. Liz, thanks for your call. Some text messages in. We moved out of our first home and tenanted it. Yep.

Tenanted it. Yep. Tenanted it. Yep. My partner went out on the booze, forgot, went back to the old house. Still had the key probably. He reached in through the cat door and up and under the door let himself in. That's when he remembered when he saw some unfamiliar things in the kitchen. That they had tenanted that out and he was about to scare the life out of the single mum that was living there with her kids. Oh, no.

So just like backed out really subtle like. Oh, no. Somebody else, some messages in. Well, a lot of people saying they wish Geordie Barrett had wandered into their student flat at five o'clock in the morning. A few of those, a few of those. Some other text messages in. I work at a household removal company.

The client said she wasn't going to be home, so went to the address. Turned out the client gave us the wrong address, and we packed up some randoms house. Oh, my gosh. Oh, no. Did they take the furniture out or just pack it up? And they do that thing where they put all the glasses individually wrapped and stuff. Yeah. Bubble wrapping.

Not like when you move your student flat and you just hope they don't break in a box. Yeah. Kind of thing. You're driving and you hear a jingle. As long as there's no smash, it's all good. Yeah. It's all good. A woman in Dunedin is very upset at a gym,

so she saw an advertisement. Gyms mowing? No, aging. Did you not do the aging? A G-Y-M. She saw an advertisement for a free six-week fitness challenge. She was like, this is me. I'll do this.

So she went along. She did the consultation. They were looking for a bunch of people to transform their bodies and lives in six weeks for free. Okay. Now, went along to the consultation, and the trainer said that the challenge required a $500 deposit, which was redeemable if you lost 11 kgs or 6% body fat.

So you get that back. So or? 11 kgs or 6%. Or 6% body fat. Is it about the same? I don't know. No, it's, well, because one's purely. Because you might not lose any weight, but you could lose six.

Lose fat. Yeah. Yeah, right. Okay. But if you didn't, which that's quite a lot in six weeks. How long did you have? Six weeks. Oh, yeah.

11 kgs in six weeks. Unless you had a lot of weight, that would be quite hard. Yeah. You'd have to go hard out. Yeah, you would. But I mean, that's all part of it It's a bit of a gamble Yeah, they give you a nutrition plan

And a workout plan And if you do You get the $500 back So that's where they were coming from With the free challenge So the woman that's complaining about this Did she not know She didn't know about the terms

Or she did but she still feels like it know, she didn't know about the terms? No. Well, she did, but she still feels like it's misleading. She only found out about the terms once she went there and spoke to the guy. Ah, right.

She didn't pay the $500 while she had. But maybe it's misleading because you probably couldn't say free... You can't say free six-week fitness challenge. Was there an asterisk?

Free six-week. I don't know. Was there some small print? Because this is quite a common thing. It is if you lose the weight. It is free. Conditions apply. That is all that we need to say.

Conditions apply. Consumer New Zealand has said the fact that Jim hadn't mentioned a deposit in its advertising was misleading. So you do have to say like an asterisk or somewhere. But lots of places do this. You know those, you can hire those treadmills and it says it's free

if you lose like a certain amount of weight. How intense are the pre-measurement? Like do you have to get nutties or in your jocks? Like drink heaps of water. Because that's, I'd just hide,

I'd hide fishing weights on me. Lots of them. Are they safe to eat? Fishing weight? Because you swallow a bunch of them. You probably have to get down to your bar and on me. Yeah. I'd hide some of them. Are they safe to eat? You'd probably have to get down to a bar and knickers. Right. Yeah, and then how much weight could you fit? In your knickers. And they're not going to do a full check.

You could definitely conceal some fishing sinkers. When you think about it, three kgs of fishing sinkers, then you'd only have to lose three kgs. That's a lot of sinkers. How much does your average sinker weigh? No, I've never really gone... They wouldn't weigh that much. Oh, okay, right.

Lead? You couldn't put lead up your bum. I don't think lead's safe to shelve. Let me Google. I don't think it is, Ward. Also, why aren't you wrapping whatever you're shelving? I'm not an expert. I mean, you've obviously shelved a few things.

Wrap before you shelve. Do not put fishing sinkers anywhere in your body because it can lead to lead poisoning. What is the... Let's not just write this off though. I like what you're saying. Wrap them. But then modern fishing sinkers Do they still have lead in them?

I don't know I don't know But then those colourful lures They're not going to weigh much We made No one's putting a fishing lure up there Megan's got a hook in it Just go purely on weight

Take that hook off We made fishing Lead fishing sinkers At intermediate school Did you? Because the teacher was really into fishing Should we have been doing that? Did you have any sort of safety apparatus?

Because surely molten lead's not something intermediate age children should be playing with. It's the 90s. None of that. None of that. Carry on. Okay. You might die. I don't want to panic you.

It might explain a lot. It might explain quite a bit. But yeah, if you drank heaps. It's like when people's offices do the biggest loser competition. And they're not checking for fishing sinkers in an office weight loss competition. No, if you're brave enough to shelve a fishing sinker to win an office competition, they're probably not going to. Remember, always wrap before shelving.

That's a great lesson from you today. Always have a safety string. Safety string. Yes. In this case, safety nylon, they won't even see it. Oh, my God. And that's how to win an office weight loss competition. You're welcome.

I've opened up a Microsoft Word document. Yep. And I was just trying to insert table. And I accidentally, because I never can tell what are columns and what are rows. If I stop and think about it, I can. The column goes down like a Roman column. But I meant to do 25 rows, but I did 25 columns.

Anyway, it was really funny. I thought there was going to be more to this story. There we go, baby. That's literally what made you laugh out loud. Yeah, because it looked so funny. Have you ever seen two rows and 25 columns?

What a gas. Anyway, the reason I'm... Oh, shivers if you guys had seen it. I might have got a screen cap up on me. It was a hootin' and a holla. Wasn't it? Wasn't it? The reason I'm making a table is we're having a little bit of a competition right now.

Okay. Backstory. Caitlin's lost her passport and on Monday next week she is going on holiday with her whanau to the Wits Sundays because your sister Whitney is having what birthday is it? 30th. So it's Wits birthday in the Wits. Wits in the Wits. I like what you've done there.

We thought we were pretty clever. Have your wits about you. So you obviously need a passport because that is an international destination. But you can't find yours. So I've been to Africa. Did I tell you that? Do you guys know that I've been to Africa? Yeah, and you had to go to Asia.

And I've been all over the world. And I lose my passport in my house. I'm not even kidding. So the last, okay. The last place, so I went to Melbourne. That was the last place I went to to go see PJ. When was that? Yeah.

A couple of weeks ago. No. No. A couple months ago. I don't know your life, mate. It'll be on my phone, but my phone doesn't turn on. A month or so ago? A couple months ago.

Yeah. Okay. And then, so what happened was I got in and James's voice... James is like your dad, you know when your mum starts wearing on and your dad's... I'll hear this story all morning and I'm stressed over it as well. You're just clocking out, you're punching

and you're punching and you're out. And so I got in at midnight because the way back from Melbourne is like a terrible time difference. And then so all I can think of is that I got in and like was trying to get to my car and got stressed and then I don't know where because I always put it in the same place. Like I literally

always put it in this little box in my room. And I've turned my room upside down. My drawers. But you looked in the box, eh? I looked in the box, around the box, on top of the box, under the box. I didn't look under the box. No, I looked under the box. I looked everywhere. Have you looked in your car?

I looked all through my car. Okay. And it's just annoying because, like, why can't passports be on phones yet? Like, why is that not a thing? It's a book. Like, it's so easy to lose. I'm not arguing. But your phone is also not working today.

So if your passport was on your phone, it would have worked. You'd be in no better position. Just, can they put it in my arm? Put it in your arm. I'm all good with that. I'd probably get injections to get it in my forehead or whatever. It's not Botox. Why would you, out of all the places you could choose to have a passport electronically

inserted into you? You'd have a big square lump on the side of your face. Put it in your wrist. It can flash in front of my eyes. It's when we get robots and stuff. You have to flash your forehead. Just flash your wrist. Do you want to display over your vision?

Yeah. Is that what you're saying? Right. You want a heads up display. But also no one's going to try and gouge you out of your temple. It'll be easy to gouge out of your wrist. Oh, and this is the other thing. What if I've dropped it and someone is trying

to be Caitlin Marrett? I'm in a doubt. Anyone's going to put their hand up for that. That's a big jump, Caitlin. They'd have to look somewhat like you. They'd have to look

somewhat like you. In this time of desperation, thus why I've created a two column, 25 row table in Microsoft Word. Why? We are going to,

today, and then this time again tomorrow,'re gonna give an update. Okay. If you just call in or text us where's Caitlin's passport? So just say a place. Just say a place. I'm gonna say the car park. And then she's gonna check every single place. The car park where you parked your car.

I haven't checked it. You might have left it on the roof. At the airport. Yep. Lost and found. Oh no, maybe not. Okay, so what are you saying? Airport, car park. You might have left it on the roof. At the airport? Yep. Lost and found. No, because they would have got in touch with it. Oh, no, maybe not. Okay, so what are you saying? Airport, car park. I'm putting you down for the first one.

What about washing machine? Because you could have put it in your pocket. No, because you would have made it. It's too numb. Yeah. Down the back of the washing machine. Down the side or the back of the washing machine? Because you're chucking your clothes in and it falls out. And the laundry.

Yeah, yeah. Laundry. Laundry, okay. Megan's got laundry. Have you checked the laundry? No. Have you checked the couch? Couch cushions? Yes. Under the couch? Put my hands down them. No. Under the couch? Put under the couch. On the floor, under the couch. I don't really go in the lounge.

I'm thinking about the back of your bed. Have you checked at work in your drawer? I looked in the drawers. I looked under the bed. Down the back of your drawer? Yeah, I looked in the drawers. I looked under the bed. I looked under the bed. Down the back of your bed? Yeah, I pulled the bed out. Okay. James, do you want to chuck a guess on this list?

I'm thinking do you have a bedside table under the bedside table? Oh, under the bedside table. That's where I leave my passport, bedside table. Bedside table. There you go. If you break into Fletcher's house, that's how to steal it. Bedside table. Don't break into my house.

I've got a constantly changing location every two days. Oh, I get that. You move your parcel around to avoid theft. Yes. Every two days. It's a very serious issue of identity theft. Do you know where yours is now? No idea.

But see, that's great because not even I can steal my own identity. I'm going to guess in... I'm going to say bathroom. great because not even i can steal my identity um i'm gonna guess and where we would see i'm gonna say bathroom have you checked the bathroom no i'm gonna put it i'm just taking a shot here does mountie have a guess who's uh filling in for arnie or on the video today are you sure it's not in your bag i have looked at my bag suitcase Suitcase. What about suitcase? Let's tip it out. Luggage. Luggage. I'm just a hole for a mounting. I even got Ellie,

my flatmate, to look. What about work experience? Will, who's reading the news, what does he think? What do you reckon? Just have any guess where would you look?

He's too focused on the news. He's too focused. This is good. It's good to see somebody taking the news seriously. It is. Yeah. Focused on their today. It's good to see somebody taking the news seriously. It is. Yeah. Focused on their job.

Okay. Can people register there? They can text message in. Okay. But you've got to put your name. What happens if they guess right? Like, what do we get if we get the right area? What have we got?

$200. A cookie time cookie. How much would you have to pay for an emergency passport? It's $360. Okay, so $200 out of your pocket because this person will be saving you $160. No, because, well, no, I need to get the emergency passport soon, don't I? Today. So you'll go through these 25 places that I've got 25 spots.

All right, well, maybe you've been in this situation and you have lost your passport and it's been somewhere quite obvious. Oh, do you know what happened once? A friend of mine lost their licence but it went into the lining of their purse handbag thing.

I checked all my linings. Oh, damn it. Somebody's messaged in saying check the lining of your handbag. That's where they as well as when they lost it.

Nicola said that she put hers in a box that said cornflour on it but it didn't have any cornflour in it. It was a hiding spot. So I'm going to put in a Nicola cornflour box. You just checked any cornflour in it. It was a hiding spot. So I'm going to put, now Nicola,

I'm going to put cornflour box. You just checked the cornflour box. We're all laughing, but it happened to Nicola. Robinson, nothing to regret. On ZM, Fletch,

Vaughan and Megan. That was me being Fletch behind the scenes. I don't want to. I don't want to try all of them. I make a sweet chilli sauce. Do you know how much sugar is in a sweet chilli sauce? That's Fetched.

Talk about sauces. Don't make it too hot. I think they've just joined the show. I was in the kitchen at the weekend. I've made hot sauce from just the latest harvest from the Vaughan Smith habanero. Hot farm. Hot farm. Peppers.

So I had habaneros, bird eye, and one of the long skinny ones called crust. I've been googling them all weekend. No, everyday chilies. Yeah, the ones at the supermarket. Yeah, the ones that you'd recognise. Cayenne peppers. Oh, are they cayenne? Cayenne, the long skinny ones can be cayennes.

The long skinny, the slightly fatter ones are your jalapenos. See, I'll do, if I'm out, I might, if I'm at Thai, I might go mild. Or I might even go to a medium at the very most. If I'm doing a curry, maybe I'll go a medium. No, you're a constant mild butter chicken. You're a basic. I'm a sweet chilli guy, and that's it. I've got four hot sauces here.

Yep. Number one and number four are very similar, except number four, I used more habaneros and the bird's eye chillies in them. So that's going to have a bit of kick, but it's a bit more of a chunkier situation. Right. So come around and try some.

I can smell the heat. Can you bring the plates over? No, you have to come around so you know which one you are. Because you need to push buttons. I need to push the buttons, don't I? Just bring the plate over. You bring the plate around, Megan, and we'll all try it around from Fletcher's central position.

Okay, okay. What one's this? This is, I believe, this is the least spicy of the four. Least spicy. The least spicy. This is, we're going to work our way up. I think this is the end one is the hot one.

Oh, you just gobbed it straight in. Okay. Oh, that's real hot. Oh, okay. Tasty though, eh? That's really good. Oh shit, that's really hot. It's got some tomatoes in it.

Is that hot? That's quite good. Oh shit, that's really hot. It's got some tomatoes in it. Is that hot? That's quite hot. And that's mild. I think that's the least heat in that one. No. But see, that's got a nice... Don't rub your eye. Don't rub your eye.

Oh, I know. I did that in the weekend. I was like, oh, and I rubbed my eye and then I was like, oh, Dad's going blind, kids. I like hot things, but that's probably my maximum. Okay, I'm not doing any more if that was mild. Oh, it's burning on the way down. This next one is a hot sauce called Frank's Hot Sauce, and this is copycat Frank's.

Wait, is it better to... Here's some milk. Yeah, because what was I going to say? Better to drink water or milk? Don't you spill that. There you go, grab one of those crackers. Oh, it's giving me heartburn, that one. It's quite hot.

It's good for the digestive system, hot sauce. I read a lot about the benefits of... Does it make you skinny? Yes. Okay, I'll eat this. I'm just going to take. It's quite hot. It's good. It's good for the digestive system, hot sauce. I read a lot about the benefits of... Does it make you skinny? Yes. Okay, I'll eat this. I'm just going to take the skin off my sleeper. Because it just... It just pushes through.

It tears everything out. Oh, I just breathed... I just breathed it. So the first one is called Dad's Hot Sauce. This one's called Dad's Hotter Sauce. You've got to eat it. I just breathed this in and I'm coughing. Oh, yeah.

That's got a real spicy kick to it. Maybe that's not as hot as the first one. That one's not as... Oh, no, it is. It's coming now. Oh, yeah, it's got the light. It's got the light. My throat's burning.

Oh, that's good, though. That's good. That's really sweet. Oh, I really like that one. Okay. That's good. That's really sweet. Oh, I really like that one. That's good actually. Are you just doing this segment so we can compliment your hot sauce? That one's really sweet, but it's got a real fiery element. The compliments are really flying from you.

It's hot and it's burning. Can't breathe properly. So this is Martha Stewart's recipe. She's been to prison. She shanked a bitch. So this is Martha Stewart's recipe. She's been to prison. She shanked a bitch. So this is the third one. Why is the consistency of this one like really runny? I don't know.

It's more like chili oil, I think. Probably also we should have had some sort of palate cleansing. Oh, that's... Yeah, there it is. There it is. That's a late burner as well, eh? Okay, now this one's the last one. This is Danny's XXX Halt Salsa.

Ah, man, my chest is burning. If we were going to cardiac arrest, are you getting the sweat on? I got a little beady of sweat on the forehead. Okay, I'm going to choose the one with the least amount. No. No, I don't give it that one. So this is number four and this is the hottest one. I think this is the hottest one

because this is the one with the birds and the habaneros. I can feel my whole body is, oh, my tongue's on fire. I can feel my whole body is like,

my hand's shaking. This is good. I think it would be very interesting to know the effect of on the resting heart rate because everybody seems to be. No, it's good for your metabolism,

isn't it? Yeah. Okay, do it. Last one. I always wait to see how Flitch reacts. Nothing yet. No, I'm handling this. You've built a tolerance.

Why are you doing that face? Here it comes. That's real peppery. That's good. See, that's not too bad I did it Do you think that's the hottest Here it comes Here it comes

Nah Oh no What is it Breathing in That's the one When I was cooking I must have gassed my family Everybody's eyes

Started getting a little watery Why does it take so long To get I don't know That one's good though It kicks in last I'm going to get the recipes For these

On Zed In I need to blow my nose I need to blow my nose. I need to blow my nose now. But that's another good thing. It'll clear you out. Bit of hot sauce if you've got a cold and it'll... Oh, that was a snotty one. Me, that was particularly...

Well, you've cleared his heart. Yeah. And maybe killed you. So, walking to work this morning, I pass a billboard and I thought, well, we've got to talk about this because this is, I think, it's a little unusual. It's a little weird. Well, I think so anyway. It's a billboard for the museum.

And it's got a picture of like an old antique cup. I'm assuming it's at the museum. Like a teacup. What do you think that is? Like it's an old cup from like the old days. It's got two handles. It's got a handle on each side. It looks like some kind of'll show you a photo. What do you think that is? Like it's an old cup from like the old days. It's got two handles. It's got a handle on each side. It looks like some kind of royal cup from a castle.

Like you've got better stuff. Why are they using a shitty two-handled cup to draw the crowd? So this is what it says. It says, Museum, Auckland Museum, plus Sarah, plus Josh, equals first date. And I'm like, I would not be happy if my first... I've been...

I like the museum. I've been there and it's great. But it's not a first date thing, is it? Oh, I think the museum is quite a nice spot for a first date. Get a real feel of... No. You get to expose them to so much stuff at once, you can make a judgement call on them.

Would your lovely, beautiful wife, Sade, have stuck around with you if you'd taken her to the museum on your first date? We took her to, like, the Outback on our first date. The museum's probably slightly... Well, it's more educational. Yeah, yeah. Well...

You have to, like, find out if they're that type of person. And I don't think for a first date. That's not... If you were both, like, paleontologists... Paleo... Is that what Ross was from Friends? Yeah. Yeah.

Then you'd probably like it, because don't they have a big skeleton of a dinosaur or two. I don't know. I don't remember seeing a dinosaur or an entire skeleton. Well, there's certainly fossils. Yo, yo, there's plenty of fossils. There's plenty of fossils. But this is what got me thinking when I saw this billboard. It's not a first date.

Oh, I think it would be a great first date. Because it's not boring. date. Oh, I think it would be a great first date. Because it's not boring. You have stuff to talk about. Like art gallery would be a dud first date. It's not sexy. Caitlin, let's ask Caitlin, because you're back on the bums, on the bumble. I just said that and I was like, yeah. Back on the bums.

Some of us have been off the bums. If somebody said to you, okay, first date, museum, how would you... But you know I don't know anything about anything. Are you drunk? I don't understand anything about anything. It would explain why you can't find your passport. I'd have to ask, well, I'd probably just talk to Megan about it, but I'd have to say to her,

like, what do I talk about when I'm in the museum? Give me some notes. I'm a really good actress, so I could learn some stuff. I don't know. It's an improv comedy show. Yeah, I think you're

trying to be quite... No, this is... Aren't you trying to be your genuine self on a date or not? Yeah, but then why take me to a museum? Is there alcohol there?

This is what I'm saying. I don't know if it's a first date place. It's more of a third or fourth or fifth date place. Right. You know, you need a wine. If there was like, you know, they do those wildlife photography exhibitions. Those are always amazing.

They have some great, you know, exhibitions. No, because some of those photos are like a vulture tearing apart the rotting carcass of a zebra. That's not hot first date stuff. It's just not very sexy. This is what I wanted to ask this morning. Where did someone take you on a first date? It was a little bit not sexy.

Maybe you were like, well this isn't my idea of a first date location. I thought I was going on a first date to a concert. Right. But it was like a church thing where you're standing, you're clapping,

you're singing along and you're hallelujahs. Is this when you had a thing for... Yeah, it was all about... Yeah, not necessarily Catholic. Just any religious. Anybody, really. They all just happen to...

Old Smithy loved a challenge back in the teenage days, didn't you? Shoot it! What about you, Caitlin? Have you ever gone on a first date somewhere And you've been like nah this isn't right This is a bit off

Well when I went out with Gary from Crime Squad Did he tell you the evidence a lot? No I thought it was a bit weird At the time My friends were like that's a bit weird So they all had me on Find My Friends But we went to the

Domain in Auckland where you like walk around. But apparently people get murdered in there. Did you go to like the gardens or something? Yeah, like walk around the gardens. People don't get murdered in the botanical gardens. Yes, they do. They don't.

They don't. Not in the hothouse looking at the tropical plants and all of a sudden they're strangled. But it's a good place to murder people. But that's a better, is that an alright first date? I think that's cute. You can get a coffee and go for a stroll. Yeah but then it was like real, like there was lots of bugs and stuff around.

Also you'd want to check if your date had hay fever before taking the botanical gowns. We're going to take some calls now. 0800M9696 Where did somebody take you on a first date that wasn't you? And you were just like, no, this is not a first date place. Fletch saw a billboard this morning that said, what did it say?

Auckland Museum plus Sarah plus Josh equals first date. And he scoffed at it. Well, I scoffed and I said, I don't know if that's a first date place. A Megan scoff? It's a museum. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think it's very sexy. Caitlin scoffed? Well, I'd imagine you and I said, I don't know if that's a first date place. A museum. Yeah, I don't think it's very sexy. Caitlin scoffed. Well, I'd imagine you'd take someone to a museum on a first date.

Well, some text messages in. Okay. I went on a first date just yesterday to Auckland Museum. It was both warm and dry and we walked and talked. Well, that's low criteria, isn't it? Warm and dry. Like a rental. If it's warm and dry, I'm in.

But then that's not the only success story. I went on a first date to Te Papa nine years ago. Here we are married with two kids. I went on a first date to a museum with him, married him. I thought it was maybe a test and I passed. Lots of people going to our first dates. Brought together by the Earthquake House. They got rid of that too, didn't they?

Auntie Papa. That's not there anymore, is it? Okay. So we want to know the first dates that you went on that you thought were maybe a little weird. The location maybe wasn't you. Where was it? So let's take some calls.

Liz, whereabouts was this first date? Hi. So he picked me up and said he was going to show me something interesting. Okay. And we got coffee first, so I thought it would be all right. And he took me for a bit of a drive, and we're going around, and we ended up going to a really, really sort of dodgy part of town, like not a very nice part of town.

Okay. And it turns out he, like, rented out flats. Like, he would buy like these really, really bad houses and bad areas and rent them out cheap to people. Right. He's a slumlord. He was a what? A slumlord. Yeah.

Okay. So that's what he wanted to show you. Yeah, well I didn't really get it but at first I was just kind of going along with it. Right. And we went to this like really, really sort of dodgy area in a dodgy house, and he went in and he was sort of like, do you want to come and have a look around? I was like, no, like, I think I might just wait in the car. You know, it's a little bit weird.

Well, he's running some flat inspections while he's on his first date. I'm in the area of town. I've given them 72 hours' notice. I'm just going to pop in and make sure they're not making meth in there. Hey, Liz. Thanks. You're cool. Rebecca, where did you go on a first date that was a little weird?

Some guy took me to the field days. Oh, in your mystery creek. I love a trip to the field days. It must be field days very soon. Are you a farmer, though? No, not at all. I had white shoes on. But to be fair, Rebecca, that's on you.

You don't wear white shoes to the field days. She didn't know she was going. What was the surprise date to the field days? Yeah, it wasn't a good surprise. Candy floss and games and stuff. Yeah, they've got a great time for everybody at the field days. Yeah, but then what was he... It was mud and it was raining.

Always raining. Always rains. And was he, like, checking out tractors and you were like, cool, bro. Yeah, I was very bored. Well, your first stop should have been the Scalar Up stand for a pair of red bands. I reckon that would have been a really romantic gift. Thanks, Rebecca. Katie, where was your first date that was a little off?

He took me bowling with his grandparents, like on an old school green. Oh, like lawn bowls. Actually, that would be quite funny. We're $3 handles after this year, OTP with Grant. But you don't meet the grandparents on the first date. No. And then we went for a cup of tea at their place, and it was, like, really old and awkward,

and I didn't know what to say. Was there a second date, Katie? No. No? And you know the grandparents are probably still asking about you. Yeah. What happened to Katie? She was a lovely girl.

She was lovely. Lovely girl. Thanks, Katie. Some other text messages. Then I was taking ice skating. At first glance, sounds cute, but not when you're uncoordinated and I broke my arm. Oh, no. Somebody said, I can take your first date to the museum and up the ante by saying when I was in Australia,

I got taken on a first date to a rock museum. It only had rocks. Oh, I thought it was like a rock and roll. No. Sadly lacking the enrol part. Yeah. Just rocks, gems, other rocks, some more rocks. Maybe some salt lamps if you're lucky.

Maybe. In the hippie section, but everyone scoffs at that as they walk past. That was the end of getting to know that guy. Somebody said, I've got a great idea for a first date. You just need to dress in something casual but comfortable. Okay. We went to a dance fit class. Oh, no.

Was not into it. Then went out afterwards for drinks with his gym buddies. Got really drunk and never saw him again. Yeah. Somebody messaged him, they went rock climbing, but scared of heights. Yeah. I feel like you should always float the idea.

Don't surprise people. Yeah, get a bit of chat going and kind of find out what they're into before you say we're going to extreme edge rock climbing. I hope you like the upside down part, because I'm advanced. I don't even wear a harness anymore. Watch how cool I am. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about traditional naval tattoos. No, it's not tattoos around your navel. Okay.

This is navy tattoos. Anchors and stuff. Yeah. Well, that's one of the ones that's on there because they all have meanings. Right. Do you want to start with anchor? Yep. So if you've got the anchor tattoo, it means that you have sailed across the Atlantic

or been a member of the Merchant Marine, which is a fleet of civilian ships that carried military cargo across the Atlantic or been a member of the Merchant Marine, which is a fleet of civilian ships that carried military cargo across the Atlantic. So to be in the Navy, you couldn't just go and get the anchor tattoo. If you were a hipster who made a long black, unless you've sailed across the Atlantic,

you don't deserve that. So you actually know someone that's got an anchor tattoo. Well, they don't deserve it. No. Absolutely has not sailed across the Atlantic. So another one is the swallows, the very famous birds. You know, they're kind of the tattoo birds. Yep.

So you earn a new swallow tattoo for every 5,000 nautical miles traveled to sea. So basically the distance between New York and Tel Aviv, if you if you sailed that, you'd get one sparrow, one swallow sorry, and if you went all the way around the earth, you'd get about 4.1 swallows. So you'd have to do a lot of sailing to have sort of

a flock of them. Do they still do this now? Like what do you do when you're in the Navy now? I just I don't know. Is this an old thing? Yeah, this was... From like the war and stuff. This was traditional. I mean, if you went by a full like traditional Navy tattoos,

you'd probably still adhere to these old rules. Right. You know that star, the nautical star? So it's like a five-pointed star and like each point, half of it's black and half of it's white. No, I don't know it, but okay. You know what I'm talking about? It's a five-pointed star and each point is cut in half and one side's black and one it's white? No, I don't know it, but okay. You know what I'm talking about? No.

It's a five-pointed star and each point is cut in half and one side's black and one side's white. Oh. That's a nautical navy star. I didn't know that was a nautical thing. That meant you were able to find your way home in the dark or the light.

Using seagulls. Using seagulls. Using the swallows, yeah, to follow the swallows. Seagulls mean land, eh? If you see seagulls. Unless they're going out there to die. Simpsons episode taught me that. If you see a seagull out,

it's going out there to just drop into the ocean and die. Oh, that's sad. A hula girl. Yeah. Did you know that? That the hula girl was traditionally a naval tattoo? No idea. Of the Navy?

No. That meant that you'd sail to Hawaii. You had to get that at the Hawaiian base to signify that you'd been to Hawaii. Right. On the knuckles, hold on one, sorry, the front of your fingers, just between the top knuckles and the middle knuckles there. If you had hold and fast, that was a tradition to mean that you wouldn't let go of a rope. Right.

Because obviously back in the days of ropes. What do you get if you've hooked up with a Devonport Navy? Chlamydia. Antibiotics. Why'd you put your hand up? Because she's hooked up with the... That's right. Did you get a tattoo after that? No. I got a tour of the ship.

That's pretty exciting. What if you were rushed off? Okay, captain's coming. This is where we sleep. This is where we cook. This is a cannon. We don't get to find that because we're New Zealand. This is some bunks and we're off. See're like, okay, captain's coming. This is where we sleep. This is where we cook. This is a cannon. We don't get to find that because we're New Zealand. This is some bunks and we're off. See you later. Hey, thanks for that.

It's like when you catch people giving people the studio tour here. You come in at the weekend to get something and they've given someone a studio tour. These are the buttons. Goes out on the radio. There's a whole lot of different tattoos that the Navy kind of originally had as sort of a badge, I guess. What you get as a badge or a button these days. So, today's fact of the day is if you... Should I just do the general tattoo?

No, do the general tattoo. Today's fact of the day is all of those old Navy tattoos have a meaning. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today, we can expect, it actually might be tomorrow, New Zealand time, 157 new emojis are going to be added to the lineup. Oh, this is exciting. It's good, but at the same time, there's a lot of scrolling to find the one you want. Yeah, and the little click-to's down the bottom aren't specific enough anymore.

Well, it's all right on, say, using Snapchat or Instagram, sometimes you can search for the emoji. You type the word. But you can't on your keyboard, you can't like, say you're using Snapchat or Instagram, sometimes you can search for the emoji. You type the word. But you can't on your keyboard. You can't search. Yeah. No. Yeah.

So there's a little video that's actually showing them all. A leg, a foot, a superhero, a supervillain, a tooth, a bone, cupcakes, bagels. All good. Toilet paper, kangaroos, llamas, lots more shoes, like a hiking boot. Have we not had a llama? No. No. That's a weird llama.

A parrot, a mosquito. I could go on for ages. Peacock. Keep going. I'm liking that. A badger. I love a badger. A raccoon, a swan, a lobster.

I said a kangaroo. You're my little lobster because lobsters get together and they stay together forever, don't they? We've got like lettuce, like leafy greens. What's a mooncake? No idea. Salt, luggage, a compass, bricks, skateboard,

lacrosse. This is great. A frisbee, chess pawn. Is it true we're getting ginger hair? Yes. So there's going to be a whole array of ginger haired Yes. So there's going to be a whole array of ginger-haired people. All different skin colours, different genders. I would like to, on behalf of bald people everywhere,

also let you know that bald people will finally be getting emojis. Really? With beards? Too long have white, middle-class bald dudes not been represented by a society. Young, bald, really oppressed. Well, because you had to use the old man. middle class bald dudes not being represented by a society young bald really or you know oppressed

well because you had to use the old man the old bald guy and not just old people are bald

then there's supposed to be some old beards not enough beards in the emoji world

either right feel like we could really do with a couple of beards okay

maybe a bald guy with a beard I'm not right thinking of anybody in

particular but I'm just thinking thinking of anybody in particular, but I'm just thinking that they're out there. You know how you hold it and there's all different skin colours? Yes. There should be like different facial hairs.

Is there ginger popping up in that? In what? Facial hair? Because you just put it at the, because you know how like at the very, very far end the person's very dark and then progressively

it gets lighter. Just put the ginger at the lighter, lightest end beyond the blonde one. Let me put this out there. Do you guys know people that,

you know, you change skin colour tone on the emoji. Yeah. Do you know people that use the wrong tone and they tan themselves up? They over tan?

Yeah, I'll call them out on it. It's probably you. No, I don't do that. But I know some people and it's like, you're not that brown. You're not that brown. You can't do that. I'll know some people... I'm olive. And it's like, you're not that brown. You're not that brown. You can't do that.

I'll go the second to pastiest. Just to make myself feel better. I know. There's a good three months of the year where I am the pastiest. You're not yellow, though. No, no, no. Yellow. You'll go the first one.

Me. No, he goes... You should be the one after yellow. No, I shouldn't be the one after yellow. You're not that tanned. No, that's like translucent. I'll give you the second. Like someone that hasn't seen the one after yellow. No, I shouldn't be the one after yellow. You're not that tanned. No, that's like translucent. I'll give you the second. Like someone that hasn't seen the sun at all. Yeah.

Yeah, no, look, I shouldn't be. No, I'm not the pastiest. I would never go the third, but that's me. That's me. I'm second to pastiest. Oh, that's, again, that thumb emoji is a bit brown. No, it's not. That's me.

No, this is my problem is that people don't, they're not being honest. See, that's too, I couldn't go the next one up. You compare my shucker to that shucker. Oh, that's too brown, that one.

But see, I'm kind of the same as the next one. First one. Could have mentioned the yellow one. Jaundice. If you, that's just a serious

health warning. If you this morning look to compare yourself to an emoji and you find yourself closest to the yellow, please go see a doctor. You may be suffering from jaundice. FEM. ZM.

The big D. Divorce. Divorce. Divorce. Yep. Has dropped. Yeah, I didn't think that through. Has dropped 45%. So, the number of people.

Is this in New Zealand or just worldwide in general? This certain statistic has come from England, but I think that's overall. So modern wives are like getting, this is for women who are filing, they call it divorce petitions, but women filing for divorce. Okay. Has dropped 45% in the last 25 years. So apparently modern wives are more willing to turn a blind eye to their husband's transgressions. So a woman, like they're saying, women have red lines

and provided the red line has not been crossed, whatever their personal red line is, then they'll be like, okay, well, let's just work through this and carry on. But what's a transgression? So some of these are really bad. Some of them, a solicitor has said, look, there was one easygoing marriage that ended in divorce after the husband

brought his long-term mistress back to the family home. Oh, that'd do it. So she was fine with the mistress. She was like, okay, if you need that, then let's just carry on. But the line was when he brought her back to the family home. Oh, my God. Yeah, no, fair enough.

Wow. A lot of cheating is fine as long as they don't be too blatant. What, so people would just rather not know about it? Yeah, or like three strikes. Three strikes cheating. If I've caught you twice the next time you're out. So a lot of women apparently are, you know, like letting guys off the hook now.

It's a lot. If you've got a house and a mortgage and then you're just like, well, it could be easier just to say, we'll give it another chance. If you've got kids, I don't know, but then I feel sorry for people like the kids move out and the partner that's been

and it's often the guys, but it's the woman do it as well. And then they're like okay, well the kids are gone, so I'm mentally prepared to I've been thinking about this for 10 years. I'm out. I'm out. It's going to be great. I've already mentally moved on. So yeah, we're going to need to sell this house that we've kind of

shared a life with. I don't know it just must be a hell of a thing to have dropped on you yeah yeah to stay together

and then also like so much of your life has passed yeah true that kind of yeah but on the other side of things that means like

these people not just women but mostly women in this study are just like oh okay well I'm not entirely happy but it's too much effort

so I'll just carry on you know how many you've always look I hate life admin yeah in this study are just like, oh, okay, well, I'm not entirely happy, but it's too much effort, so... You know how many you've always... I hate life admin. Yeah. It's the worst. Well, you all know couples that stay together because it's just too hard to go and rent by yourself. They drive each other bonkers,

but it's like... But they just put up with it. Yeah, better the devil you know than trying to find someone else. It's crazy to me that the divorce rates have dropped. No, I suppose it's not. Because people

aren't being pushed into marriage because, oops, you're pregnant, you're going to get married next weekend so nobody thinks you got pregnant

out of wedlock and then the, oh well, we've been together for six months, I guess I have to get engaged to you now. That sort of stuff

is by the by. And people aren't getting married as young. Or as much though nowadays compared to probably in the past. Okay, so to probably in the past.

Yeah. Okay, so I'm in the minority. So divorce rates. Yeah. Okay, they've gone down. Yeah. It's not fun. But then I also can't believe that the modern woman puts up with this more than her predecessors.

I just thought it would have been uh-uh. Put up with that rubbish. No. Interesting. I just keep moving my red line. No, that's it. That's it. No, that's it. That's it. Trevor.

That's it. Trevor. Two more. Three more. Four more times. Definitely next time, Trevor. Yeah. I mean, you're lucky I'm here at all.

Your name Trevor. What a terrible name. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. For more, check out ZDM online. ZDM.