ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - June 07 2018

Episode Date: June 6, 2018

Another ZM work event that Fletch and Vaughan have not been invited to, How Do You Know and when did you go into labour?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. Shoot incredible videos in super slow-mo with the Samsung Galaxy S9. 10 out of 10. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Good morning, Caitlin. You've got your feet up on the desk, you've got a microphone tangled in your shoes. And why are you in active wear today? Why is it active wear Thursday today, Caitlin?

I'm in active wear too, Sam. I've given up on life. I like that. I like that. And you've chosen to go out in comfort. It's honesty, Caitlin. I like it. Yeah, and because I couldn't be bothered washing my hair, so I tied it up and then I've got

to tie my hair up when I wear active wear. I don't know. Wait, so what came first, the not washing the hair or the I've got to tie my hair up when I wear active wear. I don't know. Wait, so what came first? The not washing the hair or the active wear? Not washing my hair. So then I was like, I'll tie it up. Yeah, and then you tie it up. You're like, I look like I'm getting active.

I should dress accordingly. Yeah. I like this. And black, all black today. Slimming. Probably not going to do anything active. Good work. Right, you're not the only person.

Some brutal honesty from you this morning, Caitlin. I like it. That's really good. That's good stuff. It's adm active. Good word. Alright, you're not the only person. Some brutal honesty for you this morning, Caelan. I like it. That's really good. It's admirable. It is. I think how do you know you're getting a stye? This isn't a joke, by the way. I just think I might I got this weird scratchy feeling under my eyelid.

Oh yeah, well don't touch it. You don't want to touch it like that if you do have a stye or conjunctivitis because it's very contagious. Have you ever had a pimple on the underside of your eyelid? Isn't that just a stye? That's a stye. Is that what a stye is? Yeah.

I popped one of those once. Oh. You're really weird. Yeah, it's really gross. I shouldn't have done that. And then I gave it an Optrex. Because it's the pore, isn't it, getting clogged? I don't know.

I don't know either. It was really weird. I think I got a stye, but then I pulled it out and I squeezed it and I actually saw it close up. Oh, crumb. Yeah, it was pretty gross, but I'm glad it happened. Yeah, well, wash your hands.

Get some eye drops, please. Is that the story? Okay, good. Don't want like a big bungy stye. Well, yeah. No, it's not ideal, is it? No, yeah, just got to work up some of your risk.

You're going away on holiday, so that's just... It's the Smith curse. It's the Smith curse. Yeah, yeah. No, it's not ideal, is it? No, yeah, just got to wake up from the restriction. You're going away on holiday, so that's just... It's the Smith curse. It's the Smith curse. Yeah, yeah. One of the children don't break their arms, so I'll get a sty.

That's the rule. Someone's got to be ill. And you've got last summer got strep throat. Yep. Yep. Yeah, it is. It's the curse.

Going on holiday. It's a real curse. Time to get very cursed. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. It is. Have been sick in a tropical location. All right, you lot, listen up.

It's story time. Three news headlines for three stories that I found online that are a bit unusual, quirky, weird news stories. Vordermagen, you pick one of the following three headlines. That's how story time works. We know this. Headline one, greedy Texas firefighter. Headline two, world is a better place without her.

And headline three, pensioner fights off intruder with cane. Go. Greedy firefighter. Was that what it was? Greedy firefighter. Yep, a greedy Texas firefighter. That's that story.

And the world is better off without her. Ooh. Ooh, what's that? Is that the grizzly old... I like that. I want the world's better off without her. Okay. Oh, no, wait. Stop. I think I want to go one.

Because I think I know two. I just had a flash. Is it the, wait, stop. I think I want to go one because I think I know two. I just had a flash. Is it the death notice? Yes. This happens every now and then, but the latest one is, yeah, the family, well, one specific member of the family wrote a really nasty. Well, very factual. It was quite factual, right? It was like she was the mother of da-da-da.

She was the grandmother of da-da-da. She had abandoned her children. Oh. She wasn't a good person.da-da. She'd abandoned her children. Oh. She wasn't a good person. World's better off without her. Wow. Wow. Because here at work, we've got the Herald upstairs and people print death notices.

Yeah. And people who are old, who know other people who are dying, come in and they leave their death obituaries and stuff that get printed in the paper at reception. Oh, because they don't know how to use the internet. Yeah. obituaries and stuff that get printed in the paper at reception. Oh, because they don't know how to use the internet. So they make a special trip here to deposit their obituaries. And sometimes they'll write them at reception. And I always think that's such a weird thing to witness as I'm going because I need to go wheeze.

I walk past some old person who's scribbling the last sort of hoorah to a loved one while standing at a reception desk and kind of being hurried along because there's quite a few things to do. Yeah. Yeah, that's weird, isn't it? So you're spelling mistakes, you know, you're paying per word. It's weird that people still put those in the paper, isn't it?

Don't you reckon? I don't really think. It won't happen when our generation gets to die. No, you just put it on Facebook. Yeah. Oh, Barry's dead. Or whatever social media is then. It would be on our eyes, iBook.

Yeah, iBook. It'll be extra. It'll be flashing in our vision like an on-screen display. Yeah, right. Swipe down Instagram. Like the Hunger Games. There'll be a cannon. And then our face will be in the sky.

Yeah. Yeah. Very fun. Megan's gone. So, not that one then. Nah, story one. Story in the sky. Yeah. Great fun. Megan's game. So, not that one then. Nah, story one. Story one or three. One.

Greedy Texas fireman. Well, we go to Texas now where a firefighter was arrested on Monday after his wife told police that he was legally married to several other women and had never finalised a divorce with any of them. Oh, yeah, boy, get it. It turns out Nathaniel, who was taken into custody, who's 44,

no, sorry, he's 44 miles northwest of Texas. He does look about 40. He looks about, how old would he be? Like 40, 50? Oh, yeah, like 50. Like about 50. He was taken into custody on Monday. And obviously it's only legal to be married to one person at once.

Boo. I didn't think that you could even get married. If you were married to multiple people, would Saturday still be for the boys? Probably not. I don't think that's dangerous enough to say to one wife, but imagine having multiple wives Hey Do you want to do

something on Saturday? No Saturday for the boys What have I said? Dog box Multiple woman She started getting calls from multiple women

saying that they were also married to him Good And she's since found evidence that he was married to other women

and it looks like at least two others. Also, I like the name Nathaniel. Now he's ruined it for me. Nate. Nathan. Sounds sexy from Gossip Girl. Nathaniel. Yeah, Caitlin's nodding.

And now he's ruined it. Because he's not sexy. What is it? A flashed up Nathan. Yeah. Nathaniel. Pretty much, yeah. It's a Nathan Daniel.

But isn't that what Nathan's short for? Nathaniel. Nathaniel. Pretty much, yeah. It's a Nathan Daniel. But isn't that what Nathan's short for? Nathaniel. Nathaniel? No, not always. Yeah, isn't Daniel from Nathaniel? Nah, I don't know. That's from Nathaniel. I made that up hoping it would stick, but then as I said it, I'm like, I don't know if I even believe that.

And that's how I know when a lie is a bad lie. Oh, lies. Jenny Craig has been forced to pay $41,000 in penalties because, and you would have seen these ads, lose 10kgs for $10 on TV. Who does those at Mal the Spice Girl, eh? Mal B. Yeah, she lost 14kgs and has kept it off.

So join and get 10 kgs for $10. There is a tiny little asterisk, but that's not enough because there's lots of hidden fees. Right. So there's, like, you have to pay for food. I'm sure it does say food is additional or something. Yeah. That's just for the meetings and the weigh-ins and the encouragement and the tips and that, right?

The 10 bucks. Food's additional. Yeah, right. I thought everybody knew that. Not adequately spelt out. Right. So they've been charged. And also they failed to disclose

that one of the people doing the testimonials actually works for Jenny Craig. So they're like, I lost something, something in 10 weeks.ials actually works for Jenny Craig. So they're like, I lost something, something in 10 weeks. But they work for Jenny Craig. But they still lost the weight. But is that bad? Yeah, because you're technically

paid by the company, so you have to disclose that you are. Because you're kind of being... You're not going to say bad things about your boss, you know? Yeah, true. Oh, yeah, true. But then, like, who's reigning on some of these... Are you not supposed to say bad things about your boss, you know? Yeah, true. Yeah. Oh, yeah, true. But then, like, who's reigning in some of these? Are you not supposed to say bad things about your boss?

No. I mean, not on TV commercials. No. Behind closed doors. Can you cancel that advertising schedule I've booked with TVNZ? Chastising everybody in management here? Thanks. That was true.

Thank God that was true. That was close. They need to get stuck into some of these infomercial people. Because I swear they just... Half of that crap isn't what it says. Oh, 100! We know someone, didn't we, that worked on the filming of an infomercial and it took them like 15 goes to get it to actually work

as they promised it would work. To get that cheese to blow off. I wasn't going to say the product. I didn't say the product either. Well, I mean, there's not too many where they blow the cheese off. But it took them a long time to get it to actually work.

Yeah. Also, I think we need to call out more that Jenny Craig, isn't that the same company that makes chocolate? Yeah, Nestle bought Jenny Craig. Yeah. They do cat pet food.

They've got some huge company, Megan. Help us out. So they're making you fat and then they're making you skinny. If you run it up the old flagpole, aren't there only about four or five major food companies in the world? Pretty much, yeah. There's that big graph online. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

It starts at the bottom with all the food brands we kind of know and then it goes up to an umbrella company And up again And up again And up again And it ends up going to Do they all also own Like a diet thing So one owns Jenny Craig One owns Weight Watchers Yeah they all

They own like a Health food branch Right Yeah Okay Don't be fooled man Open your eyes man Yeah

Open your eyes But grow your own veggies man If you can Why can't I live in an apartment Oh you're alright then You just keep eating Fast food Take away stuff

Damn I love a bit of fashion Like And trying new things Something a bit different Well you've done You've got your new hair That we all noticed

Straight away today You didn't But thanks Caitlin had to point it out But I didn't expect too much In my defence Yep I don't like to bring up hair because I don't have any. And it's a sore point.

Right, okay. It's like you wouldn't expect the person with no arms to bring up your manicure, would you? Yes. Or someone with no legs to notice your new shoes. I don't think they're going to begrudge your manicure. Oh, well, that's just finger people talking right there. Okay. It's people with fingers rubbing it in my face.

You finger people literally rubbing it in your face with their fingers. Not like us, the fingerless, the armless. Oh, don't worry about him. He's armless. Well, prepare to be outraged even more, Vaughan, because there is a new fashion item. These originally sold for like $1,000 New Zealand dollars, but I've already found them cheaper online.

How much is cheaper, though? I've found them for $360 New Zealand dollars. Yeah, no, that's not happening. Still not happening. And especially when you see these. Unless it's a space suit. No. That's probably what I'd spend if I was going to the moon and I needed a proper space suit.

I was thinking like Will.i.am, Black Eyed Peas, space suit kind of. No, I'd just make mine out of tinfoil probably. But if I was actually going to the moon, I might spend $1,000 on a suit. So this is from Opening Ceremony. They are a pair of jeans. Now, what makes these jeans different is that one side of them is mesh.

So, right up to the waistband, it's mesh. So, it's probably, I'd say, 15 centimetres. There's a big panel cut from the ankle. So, the whole side of one whole leg is see-through mesh.

Is mesh. Skin-coloured mesh. Oh, you couldn't wear it. Knickers with that? No. Undies? Gross. Like, okay, that's weird.

That's not for men, though, is it? I mean, I'm not here to judge. Do whatever you want, but. I mean, yeah, you could wear them, but they're targeted. That'd be really, my hair would stick through the mesh. So you ever put on like a white t-shirt and then you look down Megan I hope this

doesn't happen to you but when you look down and you see like a couple of like belly hairs no you never get that I know and you're like

I know I know no but that's because when you trim it and they're short they're stronger because if they're too long they don't have no I've never had

talking like a cotton t-shirt they're like yeah I'm always quite proud of them too because as you say, it's poked through a hole in a cotton t-shirt. Because sometimes in winter, like when you wear stockings or like tights and you let your hairs grow a little bit, they stick through your legs.

But we're talking like stockings, like meshie. You'll get through a cotton t-shirt. Your t-shirts aren't the best quality though, are they sometimes? They're not super thick. It happens more on the white raglins that I wear. Right. So that gets a bit. But every year I'll look down and you'll be like, hey, well done you.

Because you've defied the odds. Breaking on through that. He's got through there. That's probably not. You've got through what usually happens there. Right. Just complimenting your body hair. Yeah.

It's done a great job. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Right. Just complimenting your body hair. Yeah, it's done a great job. Today's top six deals with the fact that neither Levin nor Taitoko are officially recognised as names for this town. In the Manawatu, Horofenua area. It's what? They didn't file the papers? Apparently not. The government doesn't officially recognise the name for the last 130 years. Levin is what it's been widely regarded as,

but it appears no one ever got round to officially assigning that as the name. Why is this? Like, why didn't they just behind the scenes make it happen? Make a big fuss about it? I don't know. Because I'm guessing what was really easy to do back in the day is actually quite a bit of paperwork now. Yeah.

And then, like, you can't just, one person can't just sign the paper and say, well, it's going to be called Levin. Well, what if you got a speeding ticket in Levin? You'd say, where did I get the speeding ticket? Prove that there's an area officially called Levin. Levin. Exactly. You can't.

Or you murdered someone in Levin. You could be like, prove it. Well, we did prove you murdered someone in Levin. You can be like, prove it. Well, we did prove you murdered that person, sir. Yes, but where? Where did you find the body? Levin. Ha. Prove it.

That doesn't exist. Oh, no. All of these court cases are going to be thrown out. Loopholes. To get away with murder. Murder. So why call it Levin? We've got the chance there.

Name it something exciting. Here's the top six names for Levin I think would be a good name for Levin. Number six. This is a groundbreaking one. New Levin. New Levin. It's good.

New Levin. Yeah. New Levin. It sounds a bit like Newlin though. No, that's all right. That's all right. New Levin. Yeah. Okay. And then it sounds like you're saying It sounds a bit like Newland, though. No, that's all right. That's all right. New, live in. Yeah.

Okay. And then, it sounds like you're saying you live in. Yep. And you live in, live in. You live in, you live in. You live in. Okay. You live in, you live in.

Yeah. Well, you moved, did you? Yeah, to New Live In. Oh, so you live in, you live in. That's right, I do. Yeah. Number five on the list, Levin is also the name of a model of a Toyota.

It was a racy number. So keeping with that, let's rename Levin Toyota Corolla because we don't want the racy little number anymore. We're getting older. We want reliable and cheap to repair and good on gas mileage. Yeah.

Especially with petrol prices going the way they are. Yeah. Where do you live? Corolla. Corolla. Toyota Corolla. It would work. Yeah.

It would work very nicely. Number four on the list of the top six possible names for Levin. As soon as Levin never actually had its paperwork filed. Horofenua City.

Okay. Oh, I like that. Yeah, me too. It's not a city though so that's a little bit of a lie. I also looked up what Horofenua means.

Okay. And to the best of my ability, Horo means landslide. Yep. And Fenua means land, so it's landslide land. Oh, well, that's not appealing, is it? Not overly at all. I can see why they went with Horofenua. It's much nicer sounding.

Yeah, where are you going to buy a house? Landslide land. I always liked Horofenua because I don't remember why, but I always remember Hora Whenua Bush being like a third grade rugby team. Yeah. I always liked the thought that these guys actually lived in the bush and they came out of the bush once a week to play rugby somewhere. That's what I imagined as well.

They come out of the bush. All right. We've only got a couple of hours before we go back in the bush. Down Hora Whenua way. It was there one shower a week after the game. All right, a couple of oranges, quick shower, and then back into the bush for another week. And in the off-season, they just lived in the bush.

Number three on the list of the top six names for Levin. In Middle English, I didn't know this, but in Middle English, Levin is what they called lightning. Oh, okay. So there we go. We can call the town lightning. I like that. What is Middle English? It's between Old English and what we speak now. Oh, okay. So there we go. We can call the town Lightning. I like that. What is Middle English?

It's between Old English and what we speak now. Oh, okay. Kind of like 1200-ish. Right. Like I think, don't quote me. We never do. Not that you would. No.

In a university paper dealing with Shakespearean language. But I think Middle English is kind of Shakespearean time. Right, okay. Number two on the list of the top six names for Levin is Levine. I've got an explanation. The town was named after William Hort Levin.

He was Jewish, and apparently the Jewish clan was said Levi, and his great-grandson said he found paperwork that said that man would have pronounced his name Levine not Levin.

Which is making me think of Avril though. Or Adam Levine from the Ruin Fights. Spelt different but you could say it's a homage to them and get an Avril Levine

concert. Imagining she's not that busy. Has she still got Lyme's disease? I don't know. Can you shake Lyme's disease? I don't know. Can you shake Lyme's disease? I don't know.

For life. And her marriage fell apart, didn't it? With Chad. I think we're still friends. Your mum always says... Yeah, you go home and she tells you the update. Shirley's marriage fell apart. Did it, mum?

I've got no update on her Lyme's disease. On her Lyme's disease? Is it about marital status? Well, that was 2015. She was... Diagnosed. On her Lyme disease. What about marital status? Well, that was 2015. She was... Diagnosed. No, she was diagnosed. She got Lyme.

She was spotted out with the son of a Texas billionaire like last month. Yeah, you get it, girl. I don't think she's dating. No, she's not with Chad anymore. Oh, billionaire. Sorry, I said millennia. I meant billionaire.

Oh, that's... She'll be all right then. That's the better, Illionaire. And the number one name for Levin, given that the paperwork was never filed, to give it an official name. Well, according to Wikipedia, Joy Cowley, beloved children's author Joy Cowley is from Levin.

Yep. Packed to the Rafters actress Rebecca Gibney is also from Levin. Who knew? Because they always say, oh, New Zealander. If only Arnie was here. I know, she'd love this, Rebecca. Give me a pack to the rafters reference. And ex-all black Auckland Blues

and biscuit ambassador Carlos Spencer are all from Levin. Wow. So I've mashed their names together. Yep. And if everybody's okay, I'm willing to file the paperwork

to get Levin renamed Joy Giblos. I like it. Joy Giblos. Joy Gib it. Joy Giblos. Joy Giblos. Joy Giblos. Yep. Yeah, you're just going to Wellington for the weekend. Are you driving through Joy Giblos?

Yes. We will be going through Joy Giblos. God, remember when that was called Levin? What a silly name. Joy Giblos, however, a great name. That's today's Top 6. FVM, the podcast. FVM.

Oh, there's been a study done by scientists. Why is this necessary? Like taking up resources and manpower. I don't think these guys are like curing cancer level scientists. Right. So they're at King's College in London. Oh, actually, they should be at that level. That's quite an esteemed.

Distinguished. So what is the name of the study? What was the aim of the study? Well, it was literally they measured 15,000 penises to find out what normal was, what average was. That was purely the aim of the study. It's not like they found out while studying something else. That was the aim of the study. They see not like they found out while studying something else. That was the aim of the study.

They said because men have a lot of concerns about the size of their penis. Right. Penis? I feel like we're going to say this a lot during this break. Well, it's the correct name. It is the correct term. And guys suffer

a lot from anxiety and distress about it. Well, there was a guy that went out on TV the other week talking about his micropain, and he's written a book about it. Yeah. So I don't know how this is going to help, though. Like, because just by saying this is the average, then everyone's going to compare themselves and be like, well, I'm better or worse.

We'll just lie to you. So they have revealed that the average, can I say that F word? better or worse. We'll just lie to you. So, they have revealed that the average, can I say that F word? Vagina. No, no, no. That's V. Vagina.

Vagina. Vegeta. Is it Vegeta? Okay, we won't just say that. You can say flaccid. We're all adults here. It's a weird word. I'm just an adult

that says vagina rather than vagina. Flaccid, okay. So, that's, yeah, that's, but it's a weird word. I'm just an adult that says vagina rather than vagina. Flaccid, okay. So that is, shall I do it? Because I've got the tape measure in my hand. Caitlin, I'm going to bring you in for this. Would you like centimetres or inches? Centimetres for the ego.

Do you want inches? Could you have a guess, Caitlin? What would the average be? You know I've seen like three penises in my life. Megan! The rest were in the dark. It was more of a braille situation. Hey, no Hayden.

Just saying. Not true. But if you had to guess. Um, like... We're talking... Wait, are we... Oh, okay. Oh.

Um, well, I don't know. Fleshy. Not excited. Okay. Um, like this big. Oh. Well, I don't know. Flassy. Not excited. Okay. Like this big. That looks about how many centimetres? Would that be four inches?

Ten centimetres? She looks pretty close, actually. It is 3.6 inches. No. Or 9. But there's also like, can we talk about the varying scales of flaccidity? Because you've gone exercising. Nothing. EDS, can we talk about the varying scales of flaccidity? Like after you've gone exercising? It's nothing. EDS, we've talked about this.

Yeah. It shrinks up. What's EDS stand for again? Exercise Dick Syndrome. It shrinks up. It becomes very small. It's like the blood in your body is oxygenating the working muscles. But then sometimes you hop out of a warm shower and you catch a profile in the mirror

and you're like, damn boy, what is going on? And that's great. That's a great day. That's what I'm saying. The scale of flaccidity must be taking its way down. Okay, so that's, yeah, that's unexcited. Okay, but that's okay. That's not too bad. 3.6 account. Right. Okay, so that's, yeah, that's unexcited. Okay, but that's okay.

That's not too bad. 3.6 inches. Yeah. Okay. So, excited. Yeah. Fletcher's very eager to know what is normal according to science. Hold it on the inches side.

On the inches side, I'm going to take a guess. Okay. I'm excited. Show me the ruler. No. No, no. Take off where the correct answer is and just show me the five and a half. Whoa.

Is that how big it is? Inches. No, no, no. Vaughn's guessing. That's me just guessing. Is that impressive, Caitlin? No, she just saw you holding the, because you were holding the fabric ruler thing at like a long distance so I could tell where five and a half was.

She thought that was how long five and a half inches was. Okay, so the average, according to science, for excitable is 5.1 inches. So that's, if you think about subwayway sandwiches, that's less than that. That's less. Do you know what? Sometimes that's how big your Subway is because someone else got seven inches. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They cut the second half. You get the second half. Yeah, a bite out of a six inch. That's a hard pill to swallow. Now, I've got to come around and see that from... Oh, actually, just pass me that ruler. No, don't put it where... No, I'm not going to, but I just feel like from here,

that doesn't look that big. Oh, right. You get closer and your perspective changes. Yeah, right. Like, from distance, I'm sure Everest doesn't look that big, you know, from, like, India or wherever, but you get it. Can you just, like, can you just read this bit here, Fletch? Does that sound right?

It says erect penises are 5.1 inches long on average and 4.5 inches in girth. What is that? 4.5 inches? That's circumference. That's circumference conference there's no way someone's rocking that it's not coming anywhere near my vagina that's a two liter coke bottle you're right though They didn't write that They should have said circumference They should have Not girth

So what was it? 5.3 5.1 That's not That's not bad You sound really happy about this Well I'm just happy to be average I think I would be

Shave my pubes I probably would be Oh okay I don't really need to know Let's move on Let's move on I think we're done. Shave my pubes, I probably would be. Oh, okay. I don't really know. Okay, let's move on. Let's move on. I think we're done. We're all friends here.

Yeah, I've seen both of yours too, which is way too much. When have you seen mine? When have you seen mine? You flashed it with the towel that time. No, that was primarily balls. Don't you guess my balls are my penis. I think you probably caught the bottom of it. I think you're a juggler.

She thinks your balls are your penis. Oh no, that are actually... 100% FM. Oh, this is making me cringe.

A poor girl, Hannah, went to a beauty salon in Birmingham City to get her first ever brow tint and wax. So that's like a dye of the eyebrows, right?

Is that what it is? Yeah, so they just wax all the little ones and then they dye your eyebrows. But the dye kind of goes on your skin a little bit. But she'd never had it done before. And so she went like expecting good results as we all would. And they didn't do a test patch.

Mind you, I've never been any, or I get it done all the time though, but I can't remember the first time I did it. I don't think they ever offered a test patch. Mind you, I've never been any, or I get it done all the time though, but I can't remember the first time I did it. I don't think they ever offered a test patch. I'm not a test patcher. I'm too impatient to wait a day and test something. Intern Anya's a shocker for trying something new and having disastrous results. She just got her eyebrows threaded.

And her face puffed up like she'd been in a stinging needle patch. What happened to this woman? So Hannah didn't get a test patch. And her eyes have swollen shut. Oh my God. It looks like she's been stung by a bee. But also her actual eyebrows are red and pussy. Oh no.

So I don't know whether it was the wax. It can't have been the wax because it's her actual eyebrows. It must have been the tint That's why she's had to phone in sick today Oh yeah She's like I'm just making up an excuse

I don't think she can really see Her eyes are like shut They're swollen shut Yeah Do you think when companies say on their bottles and stuff

do a test patch It's just to cover them It's an out right It's an out right Yeah Because then when you don't do it, like none of us do, they can say, did you do one? No.

I didn't do a test patch. Had an accident and one of the animals did a wee on the carpet. I think I locked them in the room, so kind of my bad. Your fault. I can't blame them. And it said on there, it had this spray stuff to remove

because you know once a cat or a dog wees somewhere, they can smell it so they wee there again? Yep. So this stuff claimed to neutralise every odour. But it said to find a spot like inside a wardrobe where there was carpet that you wouldn't see and do a tiny test patch. I ain't got time.

So I just sprayed it straight on the carpet. You've got cat pee on the floor. Seeping in. And I just sprayed it and, yeah, it left a big mark on the carpet. No test patch. Kind of what? Like kind of discoloured? It discoloured it.

Yeah, lightened it. Because I'm guessing the neutralising must have had some sort of bleaching agent or something. In my mind, you've got to do the whole lounge then or the whole room to make it all sort of bleaching agent or something. In my mind you've got to do the whole lounge then or the whole room to make it all even. Yeah. The whole bedroom.

Or just put a mat down. Like a tie dye and you'd never get the consistency through there so it'd be sort of a tie dye situation. Just put a mat down for flat inspections.

Yes. You'll get away with that. Didn't you have a veet issue? Not me Megan. A friend veeted their butt. Like the whole kind of buttocks. The cheeks and the crack. Yeah, it went right into the crack.

That's a sensitive... You go too far into the crack, there's a very sensitive area. Yeah, and there's a time limit for vete as well. Very true. That is literally lava, that stuff. That's why I haven't... It's not the longer the better.

I had a weekend of seeping nipples because I left the vete on the chest too long. You chest, you veeted your chest? Yeah. As a young man. You couldn't get it close to the nipples. The nipples were very,

oh, yelch. Should have shaved. Yeah, well, anyway, he had a rash. Should have done a test patch.

A butt rash. Should have done a test patch. Should have done a test patch. Should have done a test patch. Because you can have, I've got sensitive skin, you've got to test these things. I never do it on clothes either.

Like if I get a stain and you get some of that stuff you dab on and then you leave it in a bucket of water for a while and hope your mum's going to magically appear at your house as a 35-year-old man and sort out your stain problems. But I never, it's like run a little, you know, go on the inside of its pants, go on the inside of the leg and do a little test patch. I never do the test patch.

No, no time. No time. Should we take some calls on this? On the test patch. If there's ever been a disastrous outcome for not using a test patch. When you should have done a test patch. Yeah, when should you have done a test patch? And on what?

That's another one. What did you ruin as well? You know that magic pen that it's like, I've got a little scratch on your car? Magic pen. That says you should do a test patch. Really? Yeah. Okay. I don't know why. Before got a little scratch on your car. Magic pen. Yeah. That says you should do a test patch. Really? Yeah. Okay.

I don't know why. Before you scribble all over your car. And then find out it doesn't match the colour or something. Well, no, no. It's some sort of magical clear stuff. Oh, okay. And I don't know where it gets the colour from. So maybe that's why you need to run a test patch.

Okay. Right. 0800Diles.M9696. When should you have done a test patch? F-A-M. Talking about test patches, when you should have done one. Because a girl named Hannah in the UK, she went to get her first ever wax and tint on her eyebrows.

Should have done a test patch because her eyes are now shut, swollen, and her eyebrows are rashed up. But you'd think like the experts would know what they're doing. They'd be like, I've never had this done before. And they'd be like, okay, well, maybe we should just do a little patch. Because you've got to see how your skin reacts. But whether or not it's a test patch, you've run carpet, Vaughan, with some carpet cleaner.

Again, didn't follow the instructions. Should have done a test patch. No one's got time for test patches. We're busy people. We're busy people. We're impatient. Who wants a test patch? Aren't we?

Lisa, when should you have done a test patch? We were bleaching my hair to go black to blonde. I've been black for like seven years. Okay. Instead of just doing like a 20 or 30 volt, we went straight for the 40 and my hair fell out. Oh, my God. Did you cry?

I had a sweet shaved head for like six months. That was very adventurous, wanting to go from black to blonde. I got sick of it. Because what are you meant to do? Just gradually do it? Yeah. So because there's so much pigment in the hair, it takes a lot. And we just thought, no, we'll just strip it straight out.

No. Oh, yeah, you did strip it straight out. Did you rock the shaved head? We stripped the hair straight out. Yeah. Did the shaved head look out. No. Oh, yeah, you did strip it straight out. Did you rock the shaved head? We stripped the hair straight out. Yeah. Did the shaved head look good? No. Oh, no.

I got the head for it. Oh, see, Natalie Portman. Yeah, she got the head for it. She got the head shave and everyone thought anybody could rock it, but it's a hard one. Thanks, Lisa. Lucy, when should you have done a test patch? When I put mould remover on my bathroom walls.

Okay. Are we talking like exit mould? That's my favourite. I don't actually know what it is, but it literally should just be called paint stripper. Oh, wow. I've just got stripped paint all down my walls. Oh, no.

And does it say on the bottle, do a test patch? You bet it does. Yeah. It's there out though because if you wanted to complain about that product, you haven't got a leg to stand on because they literally say on the bottle do a test patch. It's just there out. Also, isn't it only meant to be on the wall

for like 30 seconds, Lucy? Yeah, but I don't have much patience. I sprayed it and walked away and thought about it later on. No, you've got the XMO confused with the spray and walk away. You're not supposed to spray and walk away from Ex-A-Mob. Spray, scrub, remove. Thanks, you call Lucy.

Some text messages in. I should have done a test patch when I was gifted some Thin Lizzy makeup. It was extra dark and I'm very pale and I couldn't get it off. So it actually looked semi-inappropriate. Oh, wow. Okay. I dyed a horse's coat at work. I changed dye brands, didn't do a test patch,

turned the whole thing brindle. You know that brindle? What's brindle? A colour? Is it a colour? It's where it goes brown, black. It's sort of a pattern more than... Like a tabby cat.

Like this dog. Like tiger stripes. Like tiger stripes. Kind of thing. Okay. A day before a major competition where those sorts of things are quite important. Do people dye their horses? No, no, no. Not the horse. The horse coat.

Oh, I thought you meant like the coat of the horse. Oh, no, no. The jacket-y over horse coat. Oh, I thought you meant like the coat of the horse. Oh, no, no, no, the jacket-y over the top. Oh, I was like, that's me. And next up, here's Debbie with her flurry pink horse. We don't know how Debbie got the whole thing in the sink, but she did, and doesn't it look great? Head Eye Company asked how to get it out, and they suggested some mixture,

which made the carpet go from a dark blue to a bleach blonde. I had to replace the whole cabin's carpet. Oh, no. Never again. So they got some hair dye in the thing. We had an 80s wall oven in the flat, and it needed cleaning. Right. So I was like, all right, I'll use the oven cleaner.

Left it on for too long. Didn't do a test patch. Yeah. And it actually stripped the lining off the inside of the oven cleaner. Left it on for too long. Didn't do a test patch. Yeah. And it actually stripped the lining off the inside of the oven. How crazy is that stuff? Oven cleaning is crazy, but your oven's supposed to be tough. You're supposed to spray and leave it on all night, aren't you? I thought so.

I don't know what they sprayed it on. Somebody said, I was fine with the eyebrow tint and wax, which I was very worried about. And the lady said, that's fine with the eyebrow tint and wax, which I was very worried about. Yeah. And the lady said, that's fine. Have you got any allergies? And I said, no. And she said, have you ever had this tea tree calming gel?

Oh. And I said, no. And she said, maybe we'll just do a little patch, a test, and next time we'll use it. And I said, ah, sweet as. And she put on the tea tree gel and my eyes were swollen. Ah, yeah. I can't have that either. A lot of people have a reaction to that.

That's what they always ask, yeah. It's not calming on me. It's aggressive. So there we go. I mean, we're not going to do a test patch. Don't think we've changed anybody's minds. No. We've got no time for test patches.

If you've got time, maybe give it a test patch. It's becoming a... We're getting anti-plastic this year, aren't we? Oh, I think 2018 will definitely be known as the year of the anti-plastic. Anti-plastic. Which is good. It's good. Yeah.

We're being encouraged, and I like this idea, but I already have enough trouble keeping my plastic containers in check. Right. That you should start taking your own containers to various situations which would require you to have a single-use container. Well, there's a supermarket just announced in Scotland that they're doing like a milk. You know how you go at McDonald's or KFC, BK,

you have the fountains of Coke and stuff? Yeah. There's a supermarket doing a milk fountain. So you can take your own bottle. Right. And then fill up like two litres or whatever. Because I always think the milk bottles aren't getting used enough. They're in pretty good nick.

Especially the Anka ones are a bit harder wearing. Yeah. So you'd be able to reuse them multiple times. Yeah. Why did we get rid of milk bottles? The glass ones. The bottle bottles? a bit harder wearing. Yeah. So you'd be able to reuse them multiple times. Yeah. Why did we get rid of milk bottles? The glass ones. Bottle bottles? I don't know.

I've said this before, but my papa demanded that the plastic milk bottle be poured into the glass milk bottle so you could still have a glass milk bottle on the breakfast table. Even like Kmart, the warehouse, they've all got like cheap, Briscoe's cheap glassware that you could put milk in. Yeah, yeah. Like those really nice ones that kind of clip shut. And get multiple uses out of them. Yeah, yeah. Like those really nice ones that kind of clip shut. And get multiple uses out of them. Yeah, right.

But then you've got to, you know, because sometimes it's not something you think about when you're at work. You're like, oh, I need milk. Oh, I'll go home and get my glass jar. And yeah, that's hard, isn't it? That's the situation with reusable shopping bags as well. Like you take them inside and you take your shopping out

and then you forget to put them back in your car. Yeah. But I have enough trouble keeping my plastic containers in order as it is. Yeah. They spread throughout the cupboard. I leave them at work. Yeah, and then you lose a lid. Yeah.

How did you lose a lid? Because that's not been anywhere without its lid. And then I'll put bolognese into a container for my lunch, leftovers, and it sinks in and I can't get the stain out. So I'm like, yuck, I don't like this one now. Yucky. And that goes to the back of the cupboard. I'm going to get a new one.

We'll use a newer one. It's sort of a good game show. What? Might not be prime time game show. Okay. But it's called containers. And it's question mark. Okay.

And you've got to guess what's been in the container by smelling it. Because a jar, you know a jar, even you wash a jar, you give it a hot wash. Yeah, you can still tell. You reuse the jar two more times, you can still tell that was originally a peanut butter jar.

Or, like, you know what's a really good, like, is it a Dolmio jar? That's a good jar. Yeah. Your Bolognese jars are top-notch jars. Yeah, good jars. Your Five Brothers, your Dolmios. I mean, I'm not specifically aligned with any Dolmio or with any Bolognese.

Pasta sauce. Pasta sauce. But you could always smell that that's been a pasta sauce jar. Yeah, right. Lots of uses. Like, I gave Gary, Soundkeeper Gary makes honey. Now, I gave him an old Bolognese jar. Yep. For honey. Yeah. Oh, no. I know, but I washed of uses. Like I gave Gary, Soundkeeper Gary makes honey. Now I gave him an old bolognese jar. Yep.

For honey? Yeah. Oh, no. I know, but I washed it heat. No. And you couldn't taste the bolognese. No. But when I got it back and I finished the honey and I washed it, I sniffed it.

I was like, still bolognese. Yeah, no. Still bolognese sauce. I would not put honey in that. But you can take them anywhere. Somebody's like, oh, if you go into your local Chinese takeaway, rather than getting a polystyrene container, take your own container. Oh, no, because they'll want to charge you $2. It's one of those massive family-sized systemas.

The ones that are so big, it doesn't just have two clicks. It's got a click on each side. Yeah, right. Four clicks. You're like, all right. They'll charge you four times for that, for sweet and sour pork. Yeah. There was a couple of ladies here leaving this office yesterday.

I was in the lift with them. And they were talking about putting their dirty shoes in the plastic bag on a rainy day. Yeah. And she's like, well, you won't be able to do that for long. They want to get rid of plastic bags. They haven't thought about all these things. I don't throw my plastic bags in the sea. I don't see why I should be punished.

Does she think we all do that? The reason they have to ban plastic bags is because everyone's just like, well, I'm done with these. Into the ocean. In they go. I have had some email correspondence. I get quite a few emails

from women who want to ask about, especially divorce, about relationship. Not that I am any kind of expert. But you've spoken about your first marriage and that divorce. I guess people, because it can be a hard thing to go through

and even just to leave in the first place, can't it? Yeah, and a lot of people feel quite ashamed about it. So yeah, I do get a lot of emails about it, but I just try them right back from my own experiences. Except this one, I got nothing. No experience. I got nothing. This is, I feel like this is going to be juicy.

I feel really bad for them, but this is no names, and I've taken out anything that might give reference to like geographical. Okay, right. Hey Megan, I am a really private person and I would never normally do this, but I really don't know what else to do.

I've been with my husband for three years and we just got married recently. About a week ago, I saw his Google Play account on the laptop. Okay. He had downloaded the app Grindr. That's not for married men. Okay. He had downloaded the app Grindr. I'm aware of... Well, that's not for married men.

No. I'm aware of what Grindr is, but why has he got it on his phone? Is he having an affair? Is he attracted to men? I'm at such a loss and I have no idea what to do. Do I say something to him

and how do I approach it? Any advice would be much appreciated. Wow. Because for those that don't know, Grindr is, well, you could say gay dating app, but you'd say more of a gay hookup app, really. It's Tinder, but just for gay people. Because gay people can use Tinder too, right? Yeah, you just say you're interested in... In men. The same sex. Right, yeah, okay.

And so you can use that, but this is primarily for gay people. And he's married to a woman. There's no reason that he should have it on his phone. No. As a married man who's had grunt. That sometimes can be perfectly explained. Because some... No, I was running a scientific experiment...

Right. As to what would herald more results at a more urgent pace. Yep. The exact same profile. Yep. On Grindr or on Tinder. Right.

And to see specifically West Auckland based results. Yeah. As I was at home. What would, and my wife was there, so I wasn't grinding, I wasn't grinding so light. We were grinding together with friends.

You just wanted to see if you had any fabulous gay neighbours. Oh, and we did. It just, it flowed in. Yeah, right. Mine, it was immediate. But that's a joke. Like, you're just, you've downloaded this as a joke with your wife. This is serious.

I don't want to think I was just like making fun of people or catfishing anybody or anything like that. I just primarily wanted to see how quickly, and it was much quicker. So my conclusion from the scientific experiment, because I have to do that if I want to make this seem legit, is that it was much easier to hook up or at least get the conversation started on Grindr.

On Grindr, right. Yeah, but this doesn, right. Yeah. But this doesn't help. No. Because by the sound of it, she is under the impression that her husband is a heterosexual man. She's not aware that he's

bi or even into just dudes. Right. She's married him. Brooke, good morning. Hello, how are you guys? Do you have an explanation? You've just called through. Do you have an explanation why Grindr could be on this man's phone?

Yeah, so my friend at a stag do had to download Grindr to kind of do what you guys are doing, seeing how fast he can get some pictures. Some pictures? Right. That sounds like an excuse to... you can get some pictures. Some pictures? Right. Right. Oh, I mean, that sounds like an excuse to... Was it a stag do

where a man was marrying another man? No, no. He was marrying a very lovely woman. Meh, sounds like it. It sounds like an excuse, doesn't it? Yeah, don't. When you get... Guys, I've got an idea.

I'll do a challenge. I'll do a challenge. It's your stag do, mate. You don't set the challenges. Yeah, yeah, okay. I'm going to do it like a runner and see how I feel when I come up with a guy. Wow, okay. You don't set the challenges. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I'm going to do it like a runner in South Africa. I'm going to go up with a guy.

Wow. Okay. All right. Thanks, Brooke. Yeah. I mean, I don't know what. You've got to hit him up. So say it was the app Tinder or Bumble.

There's no difference. It's still cheating. Yes. Or it's curiosity, which is still cheating. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like it's still scratching an itch there.

Something's not cheating. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like it's still scratching an itch there. Something's not right. Yeah. And having any kind of like sexual relationship with someone else while you're married unless you've agreed to it is not okay. Yeah, no, it's not. It's generally not part of the vows. But wouldn't be the first married person

to download a dating app. No. No. But also wouldn't be the first married person probably to forget that they have it there. But she's also, it's like. What do you mean forget they've got it there? Probably also not the first.

If you've got Tinder on, you know, like downloaded. Yeah, okay, fair enough. Probably not the first married person that didn't know how to tell their partner that they'd developed interest in the same sex and didn't know how to tell them. So just thought it was easy to leave the app somewhere they'd find it. Man, that would be hard, wouldn't it? Just say to your partner. Yeah.

Yeah. Good Lord. Okay. Okay, well, so, I mean, what does she want? She wants some help? Some advice. So, yeah, talk. Okay, well, let's take some calls.

0800-DARN-ZM-9696. What should she do? Yeah. Like, she's found a gay dating app800-DARNZ.M 9696. What should she do? Yeah. Like she's found a gay dating app on her now husband's phone. Husband's phone. Who she believes up until this point was heterosexual and is her husband. And has anyone been in a similar situation? Yeah, like I think you've just got to have that awkward conversation.

You do. Where you're probably going to get a lie, but at least you've ripped the plaster off a little bit. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. So let's take some calls. 0800-DARNZ.M 9696. You do. Where you're probably going to get a lie, but at least you've ripped the plaster off a little bit. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, let's take some calls. 0800-DARN-ZM-9696. FEM.

ZM. So we received some anonymous correspondence from a woman who's just got married to her husband recently and she has discovered Grindr on his Google Play account. She doesn't know what to do. So, what does she do? We need help. Some people have text messaged and said, just straight up ask him

because I also have douchebag mates and that could be his reason. When we were out one night, one said, I'll order the Uber on your phone and they downloaded an array of gay dating apps. Which I didn't see, but made for a heck of an explanation to my partner

the next day. Okay. And they said you can delete them, but made for a heck of an explanation to my partner the next day. And they said, like, you can delete them, but Google never forgets. Yeah, right. It's like when you download from the Apple Store, it's got the little cloud icon arrow. So you've already downloaded it, but you've deleted it. Yeah. So a few people messaging in that are some other people who have messaged things that sound like excuses they've used. Like, oh, check if he's an app developer.

Because as someone with an interest in apps, I download apps to see how the user interface works. And there may be features that I could use in apps that I'm developing. Just at a guess, though, I don't think he developed Grindr. Or he's an app developer. Yeah. It's a popular app, so maybe he just wants to see its user interface. Maybe he wants to see some guy called Steve's user interface that's like 300 metres away and closing.

What would the general advice be? Just confront him and talk to him. Yeah, I think the majority of people are just like, if you're married to a person, you've got to be able to ask them questions and get honest answers. We've got an anonymous caller. This has actually happened to you. Yes, it did.

So how long were you married to this man for? So I was married for about a year and a half. We were together for about eight and a half years. Wow, okay. Wow, and then how did you find out? So we said we were going to counselling and having problems, so we decided to going to counselling and having problems, so we decided to go to your counselling. And then I was told by the counsellor that he wasn't willing to work at it. So I was like, okay.

So I pretty much left it at that. We broke up a split way. And then it was only by chance that I found out that from my dad's partner's nephew was gay. And he had a profile on Grindr. And he never came to me and told me or anything like that. So that was gay. Yeah. And he had a profile on Grindr and he never came to me and told me

or anything like that so that was it. This is a this is we just have we've had a couple of stories where it got to marriage counselling and counsellors have said

I guess I didn't know that so marriage counsellors did but after the first meeting they take a reading on the whole situation and said oh this person is not willing to work at this.

There's more going on here so the councillor couldn't tell me anything of course because oh so your your husband actually told the councillor sort of in confidence that this was the reason yeah I'd say and how long had that been happening

um I have no idea wow and then do you still like talk to him now or is it no idea. Wow. And then do you still, like, talk to him now? Or is it... Oh, no. No, definitely not. No, no. I've remarried since then.

Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. Wow. So, like, his parents thought I turned gay, but... Because that's how it works, isn't it? That's not how it works, is it? It's either that or the water supply.

Yeah. And the fluoride that they put in as well. Or maybe he was immunised. And he caught it that way. Hey, thanks for sharing us. Steph's called up. Steph, similar situation for you? So I was seeing a guy in New Zealand.

We were going out for about four months and he was moving over to France. So I decided I'd follow him and right before he left I just got this vibe that he wasn't I don't know quite into it so I thought whatever like it's fine so he left and I followed a couple of months later and I arrived and again it was just weird and I I stalked through his phone and I saw these weird text exchanges with our flatmate who was a guy um and I thought no no it's fine like I've moved over the way to France for you um and one night I woke up and I heard him banging our flatmate oh oh my god so the way the

flatmate had gone to France as well um Yeah, so they moved over together, but I thought they were just friends. Oh, he should have told you. He should have told you. He moved to France. Yeah, so I followed him a couple of months later. Yeah, also when someone's not really into a relationship, you don't move halfway around the world

because we'll just see. No. No. But France is a cool country. Yeah. At least you get to travel France France is a cool country. Yeah. At least you get to travel France, right? Yeah.

Europe. Europe, love, and Paris. Go to Italy. It's like France, but with more carbohydrates. Nice. Wow, Steve, I can't believe that. Neither. Thanks for sharing.

No worries. Thank you. Some text messages. Somebody said, haven't been in this situation, I can tell you, honest and open conversation without judgment because they're probably going through a really difficult time as it is and a confusing time at that. Somebody said, having been in this situation, I can tell you, honest and open conversation without judgment.

Because they're probably going through a really difficult time as it is and a confusing time at that. Yeah, you still love the person if they're struggling with their sexuality. Yes. And it's nothing against you if your partner's gay. They said, this is something that took me a while to get my head around, but it's not a personal attack against you that they're no longer sexually attracted to anyone of your gender. Well, it's out of your control. It's out of your control, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah. And they said it can be really difficult for them. Because I imagine there'd still be feelings there. But, you know, you're obviously not like... Would it be easier to deal with because you can't compete? You literally can't. As a woman, you cannot compete with a man. Yeah. So, I mean,

it's still tough. I mean, I don't know if it would be easier, but it would be different. I think there would probably be less anger. This is just from my point of view. There'd probably be less anger. Yeah. Because you don't have the... You're like, okay, well, yeah. We figured that bit out. Yeah, that's okay. That's good. That's what everyone was getting at.

So, majority of people Would just be saying Confront him In a non Judgy way Yeah yeah yeah Just an honest Calm

Have a talk Relaxed Conversation With no assumptions Yeah And no judgement Could be embarrassing When he says he's an app developer

Yeah He was just checking out The interface Because Grind is one of the Best user interfaces Yeah Let us know though I want to hear a follow up To this Yeah Very interesting Yeah, it's just checking out the interface because Grindr is one of the best user interfaces. Yeah. Let us know though.

I want to hear a follow-up to this. Yeah, very interesting. How do you know if it's really Michelle? How do you know if it's really her? Good morning, Michelle. Hello. Hello. Great. The thing people love about the segment the most is the singing.

They say, do the singing, do it every day or just sing the song every day. And we say, no. Don't they? No. So, Michelle, we're going to now see if people listening to the radio, to ZM, know you. And we want to know. First question, are you my sister? No.

Not that one. Not that Michelle. Not that Michelle. Now, Michelle, tell us how old? No. Okay, not that one. Not that Michelle. Not that Michelle. Now, Michelle, tell us how old you are. Where do you live? I am 24. Okay. And I live in Christchurch and kind of like Rollison.

Okay. Did you grow up in Christchurch? Yeah, I grew up in Christchurch. Classic Christchurch question coming next. What school did you go to? I went to, well, I lived in Darfield as a high schooler and I went to like Spraydon and Christchurch as a primary school.

Okay, so Darfield. Okay. And Spraydon. Is that near the pies that we had that time? Yeah, I love those pies. Are you a rocker, Darfield pie? Do you still go out to Darfield for a pie? Yep.

Yeah. Good old bakery there. Yeah, great pie. Then we watched some records, didn't we? God, we're so... I was more watching the netball because it had...

It had shelter and it was like not as windy there, so... Yeah, okay. So, did you play any sports growing up or even now? No, I'm not really a huge sport player.

Probably like the traditional like netball at high school, but I don't. I'm too lazy now, so... Okay, fair call. aren't we all? What about, like, what do you do for a job? I am a store and manager, so at North Beach and Christchurch, we've just recently opened.

Okay, okay. Okay, what else? Didn't we have a North Beach person a couple of how-do-you-knows ago? Yeah, I think we did. It's the last one. No, no, there was one. I'm sure there was one between that. This is a no-way, this segment of the show,

no way unsponsored by North Beach. We're not just getting North Beach employees to call up from around the country. They want to send us some free boardies. Knock yourself out. Okay, what else? How else do people know you, Michelle? Do you have any extracurricular activities? I've got, I run like a style blog,

like I've been doing for like four years. So it's called The Style Reef. So I do that a lot in my spare time. So yeah. What's it called? The Stylery? The Style Reef. Style Reef.

Yeah. Like a reef. Yeah, almost like the Great Barrier Reef. I don't know how I came up with that name. Style Reef. I was more thinking the reef that the reiner hit off the coast. Oh, right. Okay, no reef with fish. Yeah, almost like the Great Barrier Reef. I don't know how I came up with that name. Style reef. I was more thinking the reef that the reiner hit off the coast. Oh, right. Okay, no, no.

Okay, so people can know you through that. What else in Christchurch? Anything else? What else in Christchurch? Yeah, just probably my fashion-based stuff. I'm a makeup artist by trade as well, so I just do that on the side. Okay, so we need to see right now

if anybody listening knows Michelle. 0800 dials.am is the number. I don't know. Let's see, let's see. I've got a call. Oh my god. Hello, who's this? Caitlin. Hello? Is this Caitlin? Yeah.

Do you know who this is, Michelle? Yes, this is my boss. She's probably going to work as same as me. Are you supposed to be working right now? No, while I'm driving. Okay. Can you confirm that, Caitlin? Yeah, I work with her.

I'm her manager. Okay. And at North Beach. So there we go. That's how you know that it's really Michelle. That's how you know that it's really Michelle. That's how you know that it's really her. Can I just stop for a moment to congratulate us all on our singing? I think we're all...

I feel very warmed up today. Yeah, me too. I feel like I'm not really pushing it. Oh my God, me too. Yeah, good. Lily. I'm a switch, not so much. Lily, good morning.

Hi. Okay, how. Lily. Not so much. Lily, good morning. Hi. Okay, how do you know Michelle? I know Michelle through a friend, but also through her fashion blog. And, yeah, we're kind of friends in our own right as well now. What do you mean? Like, through this, have you become sort of your own? We're kind of friends through another friend now. Michelle?

I read her fashion blog as well. Michelle, is this ringing any bells? What was her name? Sorry, I didn't hear her. Lily. Oh, yes. I know Lily through Jackie. Yeah.

Confirmation from Lily that it is through Jackie that you know Michelle? Yes, it is. Then hit it, DJ. That's how you know that it's really Michelle. That's how you know that it's really Michelle. That's how you know that it's really her.

Michelle, I'm just at your blog. I think it's about time we had another update. It's not been updated since the middle of May. Don't tell people that. Content is king, Michelle. But people demand fresh content. Fresh content from the influencers. Well, I'd say that was a mild success.

Yeah. I mean. We didn't hear from Jackie, though, did we? The connector of the friends? Oh, no. I'm sorry. She's all the way in Amsterdam at the moment. Oh, OK.

She's got an excuse. She's in Amsterdam. What's she doing there? She's doing a contiki. What do you reckon she's got an excuse. She's in Amsterdam. What's she doing there? She's doing a contiki. What do you reckon she's doing in Amsterdam? You get three guesses and I demand you nail at least two of the things that she's doing in Amsterdam. Oh, my God. I don't think you'll need it.

Cycling. Yes, that was one of them. Windmills. That was one of them. Windmills. That was the other one, of course. Michelle, thanks for playing How Do You Know This Morning. Thank you for that lovely singing intro.

You are always welcome. Play this round. FEM. 20 points. You've got porridge on your nose, mate. Is it on my nose now? It's gone now, yeah. My wife said last night we should play a new game called What's In Your Beard?

And I said, and I went, yogurt. And she's like, correct. Which is handy because I had eaten yogurt at some stage that day. So you know it was kind of fresh. As a budding yet amateur volcanologist, I really wanted to talk about Ruapehu.

There's a bit of a rumble in the Crater Lake. But nothing major. Don't panic. Nothing Hawaii. No, no, no, nothing. Don't no, no, no, nothing near the sky. Don't get panicky. I wanted to talk about that. However, we've just pulled over to the side of the road

and we've really gone down a gravel road. There's been a disturbance in the show. I've just found out there's a book club and I'm not part of it, nor have I been invited to be part of the book club. When was the last time you's a book club and I'm not part of it nor have I been invited to be part of the book club. When was the last time you read a book? At the moment I'm in a real comics buzz. I'm reading a lot of comics online.

Not a book. It's a comic book Megan. It's a comic book. What makes it a book? It's got a cover, it's got some pages in the middle some words and or pictures working together or apart. I'm definitely reading a lot of books. But when's the last time you actually read a book, though?

I read books. No, but I'm not asking you that. I'm asking when is the last time. I'm in the middle of a book. What is it? It's a Star Wars book. When I said it's Star Wars universe, that's acceptable. Yeah, I read a lot.

Most of the books I've read have been Star Wars books lately. They're great books if you're into the Star Wars universe. But I'm told there's this book club and there's a wine and cheese evening, which is a separate, to me, that's a separate club. Yeah, right. You have your book club, you have your wine and cheese club. No, you have wine and cheese when you discuss your books. Who set this up?

You, Megan. Who did set it up? Me. Katie. So me and my flatmate, Megan's best friend, Ellie, decided that we wanted to create a book club because A, we love reading books, and B, we always are looking for a new book to read,

and so we need suggestions. But Megan's been invited and Megan doesn't read books. Megan does read books. Hello, I'm reading The Perfect Girlfriend at the moment. Is that your first book club book? I've already read that. Yes, we will sit and discuss it at our wine and cheese night,

which we're having at James' house because James' girlfriend is in the book club. What's against your will? It being at your house or your girlfriend's reading books? It being at my house. And also, this looks like

it's going to fall between our holiday time as well. And I do not want work people around in my house for my holiday. You can put your headphones on and play Fortnite. Yeah, I'd agree to holiday. You take a holiday from work. You can put your headphones on

and play Fortnite. Yeah, I'd agree to this. Maybe this is something that Dawn and I can get set up. The book club will be in the lounge

where the PlayStation is. Probably. Probably. There might be a bit of moving around. There might be a bit of moving around. You go to the bedroom.

It's easier to move a book than it is a PlayStation. No. We can't all sit like J.R. Books don't have cords. There are 15 members and counting

in this book club 15 members and we've And I've just had a message from my friend Kelly she wants to be in the book club You're in the book club

You're not born you don't read books And 15 of us can't all sit on James' bed and talk about book club My land cable can only go so far Yeah no

I need that good internet Right So is this just something else you want to take off us? Well yeah, because we weren't invited to that BYO that time either. And you remember what happened to that BYO? We had it cancelled. It wasn't because of you. It was a big part because of us.

And this gender inequality. What's that? It's the bell of sexism. This is not a gender thing. If you read a book and you have a penis, you're allowed in the book club. Are there any other men in the 15 that you've invited? Well, no, because we don't know any men that read books. What's that, Caitlin?

That's the bell of sexism. We're waiting for it. Actually, who reads books? Andy. Andy Pappas reads books, doesn't he? Yeah, he does. We can put him in. She doesn't want him there.

You can tell me. Well, yeah. He can. It's the bell of sexism. I mean, not often, but he does. Oh, that. We can put him in? She doesn't want him there! You can tell me the yap-bop-wow-byap. He can. It's the bell of sexism. I mean, not often, but he does. Oh, that... Accepted. He can read.

How dare you say that based on his gender? We can talk about this at the BYO tomorrow. Oh, what? What? I'm preemptively ringing the sexism bell. The bell of sexism. We didn't need to go into it. What BYO tomorrow night?

Nah, it's nothing. Just the little gals get together. We have sexism. What cuisine is it? Do you know, it's not sexism. It's purely Fletcher Bourne-ism. We just need to be away from you. I need to be in everything.

What about me? I'm not even going to come. No, I'm the perfect person to invite because I don't come. You can invite me without worrying if it's going to mean you need the bigger table. Because I'm not coming, but I just want to be invited. Well, you just don't want to see what food ends up in your beard. But it's a fun game where you can blame what cheese is in his beard when we're reading the book at the wine and cheese.

I can't believe this. You're not invited and this one will not be cancelled. Sorry, guys. This place is fraught with sexism. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day. I'm just going to jump straight in. That was a good tail off. Did we both do that at the same time?

Oh my gosh. We did like a whisper. Like an end of a Blink-182 ballad. Yeah. I missed you. You know that. Do. So today's fact of the day is that next year in 2019,

Lego mini figurines will outnumber actual humans on Earth. Wow. There will be over 7 billion Lego mini figurines. What plastic problem? No, at least you don't use these ones. Chuck them in the bin. You keep your Lego. Mind you, there would be many Lego figurines

that have gone up the vacuum tube, tingly, tang, tang, tang, and ended up in the bag, and then they ended up in the bin. I'm sure there'd be some that kids have tried to flush down the toilet too. Oh, yeah, but they float, so they would be hard to flush. In my research for this fact of the day, I kind of delved into the history of minifigs, as the collectors call them.

Is this because you're obsessed with that Lego movie trailer? I am so pleased. I love all the Lego movies. Granted, I haven't seen Ninjago, but Lego Batman was great. Lego movie was a masterpiece. The Lego movie was av. Oh.

The only thing about it was everything is awesome. That's the best bit. Such a good song. I still listen to that if I need a little hype song. That's my hype song. You're weird. 100%. And it's in

my Spotify most played. Of course it is. Everything is awesome. Do you know the song? Fletch, I feel like you don't know the song. No, I don't watch it. Everything is awesome. Everything is cool when you're part of a team. Everything is awesome. When you're living your dream.

I really feel like I'm missing out. That's what he says when he comes to work with us. Right, yeah. Yeah, I have to because then I get here and it's all... That's Fletch, not me. So... We don't talk like that. A little bit like that.

In the history, they were launched in 1978, Lego minifigs. Yep. And I can remember these from like when I was a real little kid they didn't have, do you remember they didn't have arms? I mean I wasn't born in 1978 but we inherited some Lego. Right. They didn't have movie arms or movie

legs and their faces were blank. In the 80s. Oh right. In the late 80s. But they. They didn't have moving arms but then they put a hinge in the legs, right? Did they? No. So first you could take the legs off the body,

and there were the claspy hands, but the arms didn't move. They were one set piece of plastic. And the face, they never had any face. And then they started painting faces on them. And then sometimes you could pull a helmet or hair off, could you? You still can. You still can. And they're getting like everybody's got a Lego.

I remember as a kid I had a bomb explosion at the police, the Lego police station, so I had to take some of the bodies apart. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just to make it realistic. That's good. And then that Lego ambulance came and put them together. And that was the Lego ambulance's job.

That was the Lego ambulance's job. That was really great. Also, side mini-figure in fact, Chris Pratt is the first person to have three mini-figs of characters because he was Emmett in the Lego movie, which is a really great movie. Really, really, really, really great movie. If you need a little pick-me-up, what a great idea. And what really gets you in the end is it surprises you.

It's a touching family tale as well. Right. About a father and a son. So there's that. But it's a great movie, full of great songs, great characters, very identifiable characters. Are you getting paid to promote this movie? No, because this is an old movie. They don't pay you to promote old movies.

That's sort of the general rule with movie companies. Yeah, right, okay. They don't pay you to historically promote movies that came out five years ago. How many little Lego figurines are there now? Right now, it's around about the six billion. And soon it'll be more than people. Yes. Madness.

And yeah, in 2019, this is today's fact of the day, in 2019 there will be more Lego mini figurines on Earth than there are humans. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. A woman's graduation story is making headlines around the world because she, you may remember this, it kind of was talked about at the time. She was sitting her final exams when she went into labor at Harvard Law School. Right. And so she went into labor, had to miss a bit of the exam and got to reset it later, obviously.

Right. But graduated with her child at graduation. And everyone cheered and hollered because it was massive news at the time that she gave birth. She went into the process of giving birth during the exam. In her final exams at Harvard. Do you think they gave her a new exam or just quickly looked through the whole exam

before you went out? I didn't see no way to... Just give it a minute. I've not been in labour. I've been with my wife when she's been in labour twice, but I just don't think it's the sort of time where you can really have a quick look at an exam

and memorise what you're going to need to do next time you sit at post squeezing a human out of yourself yeah this is true what did she name the baby was it something like Harvey or Law School Harvard Vard

I actually never came across I don't know the name in the story. Exam. Yeah. Examiners. Oh, I hope not. No, never.

Just a normal name would be nice. But yeah, she was in the middle of the final exam for Harvard Law School. Do you know that a lot, because we're running the nation's baby bed at the moment for Jacinda, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern's baby. You can bet or you can register as to the day that you think she'll give birth, the weight and the gender and also the name to win cash. You can register, set him on line. But that brings a good point.

Like she could literally be in like an interview. She could be anywhere. She could be in a TV interview or like at her desk. Yeah. At a function and go into labour. The water could break. Yeah.

Good Lord. God, I hope it's on TV. Do you? Yeah. I think that would be great. Really? Yeah. I would want to see that.

That would be weird. She's not going to give birth on TV, Fletch. I know. Duncan Garnett. Some people literally it's on when itletch. I know, I know. Duncan Garner, some people literally, it's on when it starts from start to end very short time. Right.

Duncan Garner's asking some curly questions about the, you know, business confidence. How would Mike Hoskins deal with that? He had her in yesterday. He's a clean freak. He'd freak right out. He'd get his Dyson vacuum cleaner out and start trying to vacuum up the liquid.

Is that wet or dry? I think it's a wet and dry. Oh, yeah. I saw it as its top end. He doesn't muck around with a mid-range Dyson. Could we take some calls? I mean, not everybody listening would have gone into labour

or given birth before. Well, everybody listening is the result of labour. True. But is anybody listening now that went into labour in an unusual or a weird place? It wasn't like at home. Were you out in public and it just happened?

Were you in the car? I'm just talking. Rainbow's End. I'm just answering some questions about business confidence. I don't know. What's the weirdest place somebody's gone into labour? Can you give us a call? Talking about the weirdest place that people have gone into labour.

Jordaine, what happened? So my husband's nana had passed away and the monitoring team had brought her home. Right. Back to their house. Yeah. And we went over and literally just sat next to her. Oh, oh God, what's this? And yep, just went into labour right next to her to see Spotty.

Of course, I didn't birth the baby there, but it was very awkward and everyone's going, what's wrong, what's wrong? I just have to go. And of course, all the family there and yep. Next to dead gran. Oh no. Is that like a sign though?

Is there anything? It wasn't like a bad feeling. So I think it kind of certainly brought a new life. You lose life, bring life. Yeah. I think it was quite. Oh, how poetic. Of course, he didn't make the actual funeral because I was in the hospital.

But we had a lot of visitors in the hospital afterwards. Well, yeah, they would have been dressed nicely, too. Yeah, exactly. Nice. Nice to get hospital visitors when they're dressed to the nines. Thanks to you, cool, Jordane. Hannah, where did you go into labour? I went into labour at Seddon Park in Hamilton.

Oh. What, during a cricket match? Yeah, during an ODI. Oh, no. Oh, no. How far away from the end of the ODI was it? It was just at the start. I was one of the caterers.

Oh, okay. Oh, right. And so I felt like I needed to poo all day. Everyone was like, just go in the portaloos. And it was one of those, you know, where the portaloos where the lid sort of closes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I was like, no, no, no way. And so we went to, I sort of went to the ambulance and they were like, oh, I think you're really in labour. And so I had to be escorted out. I was so worried that baby went in the portalobe. I know, I was like,

God, imagine if a baby fell in the portalobe. It's all blue. Right. Okay, so that feeling was your labour. It wasn't a poo? No, it wasn't a poo. It was a child. Okay, right.

Oh, wow. Did you name the child something cricket related? I named her Ruby Seddon. Ruby Seddon. That's awesome. That is very cool. Yeah, and then I went back to work after I had the baby. Like that afternoon?

That night, yeah. Where'd the baby go? She was in my arms. She was baby go? She was in my arms. She was in a car seat and in my arms. The same day? The same day. I mean, have a day off. You've deserved it.

You've just squeezed the baby out. I thought you were having a poo. How about casual? You're like, I need to go to the toilet. Oh, no, baby. Back to it. Oh, someone's going to serve those chips. Self-employed, so I needed to go back and pack things up.

Oh, fair enough. Oh my God. What a trooper. Hannah, thanks for your call. I would have bloody left it there. Danielle, whereabouts

did you go into labour? I went into labour at Woodford Glen Speedway twice. Twice? What?

During the stock cars. Yeah, Battle of the Stocks, the annual meeting. That meeting has got me

in labour twice now. That same meeting? Yep. And Clumset, Clumset Jack. The run's all got my kids coming. So wait,

what are their names? Anything Speedway related? No, not really, but it's just quite exciting every year when Battle of the Stocks is on,

everyone's sort of like, oh, you're not pregnant this year, are you? So that would be if anyone's around next time Battle of the Stocks happens on, everyone's sort of like, oh, you're not pregnant this year, are you? So that would be if anyone's around next time Battle of the Stocks happens and they're, you know, overdue, they could just pop on down

and it might bring on the labour. Yeah, well, each time that I've gone into labour, I wasn't even near my due date. Like last year, yeah, my waters broke out there and everything and I was only 34 weeks pregnant. Oh, that's early. Wow. Yeah, so I ended up having a premature baby from racing.

Wow. The baby's just like, Mum, get us out of this bloody womb. I want to see who wins the bloody stockies. Get us a boob. Yeah, they came on

pretty fast. So by the time I left, the first time, six years ago, my contractions were three minutes apart. Wow. And then last year,

my water's broke. Wow, Danielle. Thanks for your call. Thanks for sharing some amazing stories. My sister's water's broke. Wow, Danielle. Thanks for your call. Thanks for sharing. Some amazing stories. My sister's water broke. This isn't mine. This is a text message.

My sister's water's broke. A countdown all over the floor in the frozen food part. Oh, they would have put that sign up, that yellow sign. Yeah, she was just about at the end. She said she had to ditch her in a trolley and go home. Yeah. The baby was born just actually inside their house. She didn't even get home to get her stuff to go to the hospital. The baby was born just actually inside their house. She didn't even get home

to get her stuff to go to the hospital. Oh my God. There's nothing quite as sad as seeing someone who works at the supermarket having to put back things from a trolley.

Hey, because there was some hope. Yeah, but I always wonder what caused that abandonment. Yeah, I know. I would totally be okay with a woman saying I just had to leave because my water's broke.

Yeah. I hope she indicated to somebody that they need to put one of those slippery floor signs out. Yeah. But I'd be totally okay if that was the case put one of those slippery floor signs out. Yeah. But I'd be totally okay if that was the case. Okay.