ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - June 18 2019

Episode Date: June 17, 2019

It was August's first day at school yesterday, we announce the first two contestants of Celebrity Treasure Island and unauthorized flat renovations.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music. Lives here. Fletch Warner Megan. The podcast. Thank you Lauren. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch Warner Megan. When's Anya back, Caitlin? This Sunday. So Monday she lands. Monday. Sunday. Okay. She messaged me. She's having a great time. And you're right. It's great. I don't care about people having a great time in Europe when I'm not in Europe. Yeah, I know. It's that time of year when you're watching everyone else have fun in Europe. What about tropical holidays? Sunsets are making us.

You'd love a sunset on Macon, I know. Yeah, don't hate on it just because you're not there. No. And I'm lucky. I have experienced a sunset on Macon. But it was before the time of decent camera phones. It sounds like you've got to go again. So were you really there?

I feel like I really myself going. Yeah, you were just lucky to actually live after Macon Ice. I fell off that motorbike and scooted under that delivery truck. Jesus. It was pretty loose. It was pretty funny to watch. It was pretty loose. At the time.

How long did you give it before you laughed? It was one of those slow motion crashes. Yeah. It was pretty funny to watch. It was pretty loose. How long did you give it before you laughed? It was one of those slow motion crashes. Yeah, it was really weird. Luckily the truck was coming up the hill, so he instantly stopped. Right. Good lord. Not a lot of grip on those roads. Oh, fast and loose times.

Make it nice. Right. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Alright. Three news headlines. Vaughan and Megan, you've got to decide which headline we choose. You can only pick one. Yep.

Because that's just life. Headline one. Woman upset that 1986 check can't be cashed. Headline two. YouTuber cancels himself. And headline three, electric Big Macs. What was story number one? Woman upset that 1986 cheque can't be cashed. Oh, so I have never dealt with cheques.

Do they expire? Six months after the date. Do they expire? Six months after the date? Do they? Oh, that's BS. I don't know. I forget to use vouchers. I've never used it. I mean, I've cashed a check when I was like young and stuff

and you get a check from Gran for your birthday. 20 bucks. Yeah, 10 or 20 bucks. Six months, that's how long checks are valid for. Okay, reserve the right not to pay a check that is older than six months from the date written on the front of the check. Right. That's less than checks are valid for. What? You reserve the right not to pay a check that is older than six months from the date written on the front of the check. Right.

That's less than a voucher. Well, this was like 30-something years. Yeah, well, that's not going to work, is it? And also, the banks had changed like three times. Oh, yeah. And like mergers and stuff. Your bank number would have changed, right? Maybe not your number, but...

Because of like banks merge, like you you say or shut down or rebrand or change surely the numbers you'd think yeah I don't know literally in your checking account situation

um electric Big Mac I think I quite like the sound of that I was just googling that one because I was

going to choose the other one because there's all this chatter about is it a Big Mac a Big Mac with bacon in it but it is a Big Mac

a Big Mac with 240 volts coursing through it. Let's plug them to the mains. Well, we go now to America and to Detroit, where a woman in a wheelchair was upset at her weight for her food at McDonald's. So she decided to yell some abuse at the poor people working behind the counter. And at the same time, fire her taser at the employee behind the counter at McDonald's. She missed and hit the Sunday machine or whatever. Oh, no. Now that'll be broken.

Now that's broken. Yeah, someone come and throw it through. Can I get a soft serve? Unfortunately, someone tasered our machine and it's not working. It's down. It's down. So she missed. They called police and police wheeled her out and have taken the taser off her and arrested her. Are you allowed to taser in America?

Yeah, personally, you are allowed a personal protection. Are you? Because you're not allowed to buy a taser in Thailand and bring it back, eh? Nah. New Zealand's not. They'll tell you in the store you can, and you're allowed, you know, ninja stars, but you're not. You're not really.

It's for the best, I think. Yeah. Glue the ninja stars to the wheels of your suitcase, and then it just looks like some mag wheels for your suitcase, and then you get home, pry them off, ninja stars. And then what do you do with them? Chuck them. At trees. At ninjas. At ninjas. That are trying to take your family. pry them off ninja stars and then what do you do with them chuck them at trees

at ninjas that are trying to take your family my father-in-law is a shocker for well he was not anymore but he's

I've got like nunchucks and stuff in my house because you're allowed nunchucks aren't you I don't think so oh okay

no but they're real weird they're real weird nunchucks right real weird are they the ones with the chain and then the hard bit on the end of the chain? But what do your nunchucks look like?

They're steel. They're very dangerous. Right, okay. They almost look like homemade. But he said he got them from Thailand. Are you sure they're not like two sex toys joined with a piece of string? No, it's joined with a chain, so it could be two sex toys. You know where you see they have those towing competitions

where they chain together two, like a forward and a holding, and they go... And they try to pull each other, like a tug-of-war. It would be like that, but buttholes, I'd imagine. Okay. You'd have to really... There'd be two things to it. The pull and the grip.

You'd have to really hold on to it. Next. You asked. You asked. There is something new on Amazon that you can buy. It's pricey though. But if you have a bad habit of any description, in fact, it was created by someone who was spending too much time on Facebook.

They wanted someone to slap them every time they went on Facebook. But they came up with something better. This literally looks like a watch. It's a little strap-on bracelet that gives you a zap, an electric charge, every time you do something that you don't want to be doing. So it's in order to break a habit. How does it know you're doing it? I was just thinking that, actually. Well, So it's in order to break a habit. How does it know you're doing it?

I was just thinking that, actually. Well, if it's a watch, could it be... Because if it was connected to an app? Yeah, sure. That would be easy for things like Facebook or anything on your phone. But if it was not related to... Maybe you have to give it to a friend, like the controller's in a friend's hand.

And you say to them, look, if you see me on Facebook, if you see me eating chocolate... I would not trust anybody I know with that. At all. They'd just be giving you shocks. I'd just be sitting at home watching TV and then like, oh, I'm just going to shock

Vaughn. And you're in the middle of driving, 100k. Flip into a ditch. So each charge has 150 zaps in it, but I don't actually know how it knows... Did you zap yourself? Yeah. The watch has the zaps in it. But I don't actually know how it knows to zap yourself. Yeah. The watch has the zapper in it. No, but you

have to push the button on the watch. I couldn't push it myself. Oh, no, I don't know. Someone else would have to push it. I couldn't do this. You must have to push it yourself. See, the thing is if it's like for anything, so smoking, biting nails, eating junk food, anything. But if you really wanted to do any of those things,

you'd just take it off. Or you just wouldn't zap yourself, you know? Yeah. You only... Because you're letting yourself get away with all these bad habits in the first place. It's still, yeah, like the same self-control that you need. That's why someone else has got to do it, like a partner, a friend.

Yeah. Yeah. If it could connect to an app on your phone that would control, self-control that you need. That's why someone else has got to do it, like a partner, a friend. Yeah. Yeah. If it could connect to an app on your phone that would control like, you know, like you say, I only want to be on Facebook

for five minutes at a time. Yep. And then in the five minutes it's up. You're like, ugh! Or you could map bars, junk food,

dairies, supermarkets. You don't want to go. Yeah. And then if you enter that zone it zaps you. Like geofencing. Yeah.

Yeah. Imagine if it like, no matter where you were, it seemed like your partner or whoever you designated an alert to be like, she needs a zap. And then you'd just be anywhere eating some chippies and be like, ah! Zap. You just keep getting zaps until you stop eating them. Yeah, but then it's like, how good are these chippies?

They might be worth a little zap. And then also I could just take it off. And then if there's more than 150 chippies, because you said 150 zaps. Zaps. So you ate 150 chippies of zap each and then you get some freebies. No zaps because you've run the thing out. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Hello there and welcome to today's Top Six.

You know how there's plane spotters and train spotters? Yeah. Are there like Navy boat spotters? Because I've just absolutely scratched the surface of this and it's very interesting. Okay. Very fascinating. I'm imagining there would be. Well, we've just got a new naval frigate.

It is the HMNZS Manawanui. Okay. It is the third of herZS Manawanui. Okay. It is the third of her name. You always call boats she's, eh? Is that right? I don't know. Our boat when I was young was Sir, though. Oh, so it's about having a boat. It was little. When we were young.

When we were young. When we were young. We only referred to our boat by a male name. Okay, so the point I was making was that it was Sir Amco. So it was a boy. Sir Amco? Where did Amco come from? I don't know. I didn't name it.

Did you park it up on the beach at Kytara Tara? Yes. No, no, no. More at just offshore on Little Kytara. Okay. Oh, that's weird. Look at those people in tents. Do you want a soda stream or not?

Yes. So we've had, this is the third Manawanui. The first one was like this little tugboat looking thing in 1948. And then we got a new one in 1988. Same name. That got decommissioned last year.

So they just are putting their name on a new... Why don't they come up with better, like, it's not a bad name, but just call it something different. Why do we have to keep rehashing that name? Well, here's another thing about the Manawanui. It used to be part of a Norwegian offshore

oil exploration company called the Etafon. Are we getting a second hand frigate? Yes. It's a 2003. It's a 2003. How many Ks has it done? The Navy bought my Honda Accord.

And painted it grey. Because this used to be yellow and red. Oh, yuck. But now it's just standard Navy grey. Okay. Which is what the New Zealand Navy does when it gets in. It's got a massive helipad on the front. It's got winches and stuff.

It is going to be used for hydrographic. Damn it. Ocean mapping. Yes. And diving. It's not going to be used for any stealthy things. It's got no guns on it. Is it going to have a gun?

Why can't they paint it pink then or something? I've looked at it. Because it's got to be. It's got to look uniform. You can't see paint it pink then or something? I've looked at it. Well, because it's got to be, it's got to look uniform. You can't see it coming, Megan. It's not being, it doesn't even have guns.

It's not being used for anything stealthy. You can still take it out though in a war situation if it's bright pink. It'll be out there. It'll be like,

yep, the ocean floor's down here. Should we put a gun on it? No. Ocean floor's still down there.

That's what we do do So I'm just thinking It's a very interesting thing This whole Navy Yeah I bet somebody really gets into it But I put in an official Information request For some features

Okay I'm thinking I wanted to do This top six They haven't got back to me So I just assume These are top six Features of the new frigate Okay

HMNZS Manawinui Is it new frigate. Okay. H-M-N-Z-S. Is it a frigate though? Because it looks real small. Just a new Navy boat. Are they calling it a frigate there or are you just calling it a frigate? Don't size shame the frigate. I read they called it a frigate. What constitutes a frigate?

You don't know that it's just size. Maybe it's not. You know what? It's a diving hydrographic vessel. A frigate is a warship with a mixed armament, generally lighter than a destroyer. Well, this doesn't have any armaments. Right.

A sailing warship of Syvan. Well, if it's in the Navy, it's a warship, isn't it? The Navy have done a 360 degree tour. Yeah. You know that one where if you were wearing virtual reality or you're looking when you're flying, you can spin around and it's like you're there? Yeah.

In 8K. Oh, God. Who's running their social media department? No wonder we have to buy secondhand bloody boats off Norway. Blowing all our money on 8K cameras. So the top six features of the HMNZS Manawanui are number six, a tow bar. Brilliant. Yeah.

Because, you know, like you might need to move and someone needs a tow bar to tow the trailer. Yeah. Just call the Navy. The HMNZS Manawan someone needs a tow bar to tow the trailer. Yeah. Just call the Navy. The HMZS Manawanui has a tow bar. Number five on the list of the top six features of the new Navy ship. Air conditioning. Brilliant. Great there.

Guys, windows all up. We're putting on the air conditioning. There's no point running the air conditioning and having the windows down. I bet there's someone on the frigate who's like, just leave the window down. It's too hot. Yeah. Gareth, put it on. frigate who's like, just leave the window down. It's too hot. Yeah, I just... Gareth, put it off.

It's a good temperature, but I just need some fresh air. I feel sick. So you wind your hand down, wind the window down and put your hand out the frigate window. We're going to need to stop soon.

It's not doing... I'm going to be sick. Number four on the list of the top six features of the new HMNZS Manawanui. Bluetooth. Brilliant. So you can connect to the stereo. You don't need to plug in.

I'm assuming they've got a stereo. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Apple Ship Play or something. Yeah. You just put your iPhone on the dashboard of the boat. Yeah. Just like you've got maps and everything on there.

Yeah. Texts. Yeah. Yeah. Just like, you got maps and everything in there. Yeah. Like texts. Yeah. Everything. Number three on the list of the top six features of the new frigate HMNZS Manawanui

are electric windows. Oh, lovely. Super handy because you know those old winding down windows. I tell you, when my kids saw them

and they're like, what do we do here? They've never had winding down windows. Oh, really? Yeah, okay. Because new cars? They've never had winding down windows. Oh really? Because new cars just don't come with winding down windows or any car of the last. They've never been in a car with winding down windows. What do we do here? I'm like, you twist

these and they're like, Do you remember as a kid when the family car was getting a bit older, how hard that got? You're like, groaning to try to get it down. Pre-air conditioning

days too, so dad just had the fan on blast and hot air was just shooting you in the face. God, you should show

them a landline. Weirdly enough, they know what they do. It's because your mum and dad would have one. Because they see it on kids TV,

like, have a pig pick up the landline and stuff. So maybe they flared off her. Number two on the list of the top six features of the new Frigate HMNZS Mono Winui cruise control. Oh, you know.

It's great. You get on the open sea. Put it on 105. Out of interest. I got 105. Me too. Because they're not going to do 105. No, I do 104 because I'm a little bit scared.

Sometimes they're like, 5K's over. So I got 104. And then I little bit scared. Sometimes they're like, 5K's over. So I'll go 104. And then I click on cruise control. Yeah. Yeah. And the number one feature on the new naval vessel, the HMNZS Manawanui Yesawunatua reversing cameras. Because when you're coming in between two frigates

at the Devonport Naval Base, you want to know how close you can get to. You get a parallel park. You want to know how close you can get to you get a parallel park you want to know how close you can get behind before you start going forward what about your friend Graz the other day

when we were in his car yeah he's got like 360 degree like bird's eye view of his car does the Ssangyong have this

I don't know because when you reverse you know how your reversing camera comes on yeah but he's got there's one of those

reversing cameras on like six points around the car so it creates this virtual bird's eye view so you can of those reversing cameras on like six points around the car. So it creates this virtual bird's eye view. So you can see how close to the curb you are, how close the car in front of you is, how close the car behind you is. It's nuts. It's amazing.

Oh, technology. But then you get lazy. Like what if that breaks? You don't know how to park anymore. Oh yeah. His car also on cruise control, if it's cruising, it gets too close to a car in front. We're just like, stop, stop. Well, I just get lazy, go back to an ordinary car and end up slamming into things.

True. Endlessly. That is today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. So there is a guy who has shared a prank that he has done at Tesco in the UK. That's the supermarket, right? Yes, correct.

So he has just shared a picture of two lasagnas and he said, some mornings I like to pop into Tesco and switch the cardboard sleeves around just for fun. So the two lasagnas is beef and vegetable. Right, so yeah, right. So someone would be of the impression that they were eating a

vegetarian or vegan? Vegetarian. Vegetarian lasagna but they're eating a meat lasagna Nobody's going to fall for that, are they? Well, once a vegetarian cooks it They would smell You'd be like, I don't know And there's a difference

You can see the chunks of meat in it, right? But if it's a lasagna, it'll have a cover on the top Yeah, true Well, once you cut it, you're going to be like That looks like meat to me. I just think that's stupid. You're just being bloody stupid. Incredibly immature.

But lots of people agree with me and then lots of people think that it's quite funny. Someone said, I would love to do this. Someone said, now I know what to do when I retire to take up my days. It's good to have a plan. It'll keep you alive. They always say have a good retirement plan.

Yeah. Another one said, I do this to make it cheaper for myself. But also you can get the company in major trouble. Yeah. Yeah, that is shoplifting. And especially if it's got the meat option has nuts or something or allergens. That is true. So there are a lot of people that have said, yeah,

it's immature because the nutritional information doesn't match. And yeah, people could be buying that for allergy reasons. What are you laughing at? The nutritional information doesn't match. You're eating literally something you're microwaving for sustenance. I don't think you're too worried about your nutrition. No, as in the allergens and stuff is what I'm talking about. I mean, not the calorie count. Right, yeah. No, as in the allergens and stuff is what I'm talking about. I mean, not the calorie count.

Right, yeah. No, no. Yeah, I was just thinking, oh, no. Ooh, a bit too much carbohydrates in this lasagna rum. And what if someone was genuinely, like, allergic to meat? But you're going to, like, producer Caitlin, you're doing the vegetarian thing at the moment. If you heated up one of these, you'd notice it was meat.

100%. Yeah, for sure. If you heated up one of these, you'd notice it was meat. 100%. Yeah, for sure. But you've still bought it now. And I imagine that the beef one's probably more expensive. And you'd just eat it, wouldn't you, anyway? No, I wouldn't. It makes me feel sick. I don't like it.

You'd give it to your flatmate. She'd eat it. She would definitely eat it. She'd devour it. Fleshforn and Megan. The podcast. ZM. A German couple have started a GoFundMe campaign because they want to

go on a trip around Africa. Okay. They want to tandem cycle through Africa and they need 10,000 euros to do it. So 17,000 New Zealand dollars. They've got an Instagram account each and also a joint one called Another Beautiful Day. They had 40,000 followers

and they said getting a job would be very detrimental and there weren't many jobs for which they were qualified, but we just want to cycle around. So if you could all chuck in some money. Now their followers went from 40,000 to 34 and continue to fall. Their funding page is trending. So that means he's people are looking at it, but nobody is donating.

We all want a holiday. We all want to go to Africa or somewhere amazing and it costs too much money. Badly thinking they're providing some sort of service to their followers. Like we'll document it. We'll show you the photos. We'll help you out, guys. It sounds like it. He looks like he fell asleep at the party first because he's covered in tattoos.

But it's like just writing on his face, like just above his eyes, it says, I love life. And like block capitals in like Tahoma or something. Right, like his friends tattooed him. There's nothing artistic about it. What does it say? Look within, just under his eye. Comfort under the other eye. Um, above one eyebrow.

Um. Another beautiful day also on his forehead. He's getting stopped at customs. I mean, that's why he might not be qualified for many jobs because people would come into his work and be like, reading his face because it looks like a crossword with some bits missing. I'm going nothing against tattoos and put them wherever you want.

No, I know that's why I'm just clarifying here but these just don't seem to have any rhyme or reason. And so they've crowdfunded me, they've GoFundMe or whatever, that's no money? Nope. Or I'm pleased that people know better than to donate to that. Yeah, in one of his pictures,

he's sitting with his brand new Apple laptop and various camera equipment that wouldn't have come cheap or free. Yeah, not cheap. And yet he's asking for money to do a tandem cycle tour around. But it's like people that are asked to fund their weddings and their honeymoons. Yeah, don't get married if you can't afford it. Or adjust the wedding to your budget.

Yeah, adjust the wedding to your budget. Yeah, do it. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Yesterday, it was announced that the boss of ANZ, a guy called David Hisco, was not going to be the boss of ANZ anymore. And I was like, why would you give up a sweet gig at a bank? Yeah. Being the boss of the bank.

I mean, I'm sure there's a lot to it. Like, you'd need a calculator. I don't know if you would when you got to the... Nah, you just let someone else do the math. You'd be like, hey, calculate this. Well, one of the things he's in trouble for are apparently mischaracterising expenditure, personal expenditure over nine years there at the ANZ.

Miscaracterising. That sounds like some creative accounting that we've all done here, Vaughan. Mining is in a paper bag, I shunned you. See, I told you when you were charging parking to work that you can't do, this is what gets you in trouble, this kind of stuff. Go on. You, what you do sometimes.

Get it valeted. Yeah, and then you say it's parking. No, that's part of the service. That's, I drive my car to the airport. Right. And thus saves the company so much money in taxis, vis-a-vis. They pay for the valet. And I never claim petrol, I just want it cleaned.

Because I'll never clean it myself. But that is called a mischaracterisation of funds. No, because I don't lie about it. I'm like, I got want it cleaned. Because I'll never clean it myself. But that is called a mischaracterisation of funds. No, because I don't lie about it. I'm like, I got it valeted. It's a characterisation that leads to a dispute. I'll give you that. You don't lie about it. You just say to Ross Boss, deal with it.

I'm pretty cute. And now I've got a clean car. So that led to, he's gone. But you know, we've got something in common with him. He used to work in radio. Did he? Yeah, apparently. Where he used to write radio jingles and play the guitar in the jingles.

Yeah, really? Yeah. And then he became the boss of a bank. And then, well, he was working at the bank and doing that. Kind of one of those stories that people love to say. He's like, I was just sweeping a car park and through a series of bloody hard work and just getting stuck in

and I became the boss of the bank. And you can too. What kind of stuff was he mischaracterising? Well, apparently, chauffeur-driven cars was one. That's the one everybody's talking about. Chauffeur-driven cars. How much was this guy making?

Taxis? Yeah, fancy taxis. The ones we never catch. No, yeah. That might feel a bit more like a chauffeur-driven car. Of all the things you could spend money on or mischaracterise funds? There might be other stuff. Oh, okay.

There might be other stuff. I'll do better than that. So everyone keeps tossing around the figure of $3 million a year. That's how much he was on. It is mind-blowing that last year, sorry, last year he banked more than $3.35 million. Oh my God. His pay got revealed.

$3.35, and then how many zeros? So one, two, three. But then he oversaw a profit of nearly $2 billion. $2 billion net profit. It blows my mind that we let the banks get away with this. Like, with a couple of banks that were like, made like $2 billion in the first six months of this year, or in the last six months.

And we're like, oh yeah, that's cool. Like, they're all screwed. I mean, maybe we should be socialists and, you know, maybe. I was going to say, here we go. Maybe we need to move to Comrade Fletcher. So I've just put, I've just gone to a salary calculator. Here's this. Okay, so I've put in $3.35 million.

I'm assuming with the current tax rates, he's on a 4% KiwiSaver. I don't know. He'd be nuts not to be on a 4% KiwiSaver. He'd be nuts not to, because the employer would match and he'd get the bonus. So if you got paid, for example, what are we, fortnightly?

Yeah. He would be, imagine this. You go to the ATM to get a balance or you log on to your app. Yeah. And up pops your new pay because you've spent all the last pay. Yeah. $86,607 in a fortnight. Post-tax.

Post-tax and post-KiwiSaver. Wow, you would get up. A week, $43,300. Per month, $187,000. Per annum, after tax, $2.251 million. I can't even fathom having that much money. I know, that is mental. You know when you get a pay rise and you're like,

well, I'm just going to keep living the way I was living. I'm going to save everything that is my pay rise. And you don't know where it goes. And then I better get to the end of this thing and I'll be like, where's it all gone? Got all those private helicopters. I'm going to need to take up a couple of chauffeur-driven cars for the company because of...

Slowly his wife gets a little bit more extravagant and he doesn't even notice. Do you know how much he would have had put into his KiwiSaver alone? because of... Surely his wife is a little bit more extravagant and he doesn't even notice. Do you know how much he would have had put into his KiwiSaver alone at just 4%? $134,000. In one year. In one year. And that's not including like what they would have earned in that year.

No. Depending on what fund. Isn't that nuts? So yeah, cash in hand per annum, 2.11... And he started out sweeping car parks. Yeah, so what do I got to do to get that job? Go sweep a car park. Oh, no.

Oh, work in radio and write jingles. Yeah. How's that going for you? Are you the boss of a bank yet? No. No. I'd get fired from this calculating fund. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM.

I, Vaughan Smith, have launched a one-man war on weeds. Okay. Yeah, well, since we moved, there were some trees, and an arborist came around because there were some trees that were going to fall on power lines. Again, responsible member of the community. And I said, while you're here, what's this? And I grabbed this tree, and he was like,

for a start, you don't touch that one. And it's this, you don't touch a tree. Nah, it's a weed called woolly nightshade. It's really, really bad. And it is everywhere. Once you know what it looks like, it is everywhere. So you weren't in the car, Megan, because you didn't come to field days, but driving to field days, God, is this.

Oh, my God, look at all this woolly nightshade. It's really, really bad. Ten minutes later. But as somebody with allergies, you've got to watch out for this. Right. Because it's like hay fever. But I wouldn't touch it. No, no, but I know you should be

encouraging people to get rid of it because it is hay fever like on, well, on steroids, but not steroids because if you had steroids when you're on hay fever, it would stop your hay fever. I mean, I'll pick my causes. That's not one I'm going to jump on right now.

Okay, well, so the dolphins aren't going anywhere, but the woolly nightshade's going everywhere. Actually, they are going somewhere. They're all dying. Are they? Yeah't going anywhere but the woolly white shades are going everywhere. Actually, they are going somewhere. They're all dying. Are they? Yeah. They don't like

woolly white shade either. No. So he said, don't touch that and I said, well, what's the deal? And he said, if you're going to like

cut that down, you've got to get rid of it because it's super invasive but you're going to need a breathing mask because the little fibres on the back of the leaves get into your lungs

and they're a carcinogenic. Jesus. This is a South American. How do we not all know about this? Well, you'll see this is why I was shocked when we were driving, the amount of woolly nightshade. But I was also trying to eat a pie. So it was a balance of trying to eat the pie

and also explain to you why I'm so shocked. You were telling me that hot South Americans have pestered our country. Yes. Unbelievable. It's not all good news from South America. No, it's not, obviously. It's not all cocaine and hotties. Yeah. It's bad stuff country. Yes. Unbelievable. It's not all good news from South America. No, it's not, obviously. It's not all cocaine and hotties. Yeah.

It's bad stuff too. Okay. So I cut a lot of it down and I put it in a pile in a shed because you can't burn it. That's the other thing. You burn it and it smokes like super toxic. So what are you supposed to do with it? It's like this pile is just like, I'm not going anywhere. Like, touch me.

And it kills things around it. If it roots, anything else that's in it's like, you know's just like, I'm not going anywhere. Like, touch me. And it kills things around it. If it roots, anything else that's in it's like, you know how roots go out and around. It makes the soil around it unable to be grown in. So it just becomes like the dominant. Oh, that's horrible. Yeah, it's a horrible weed. Yeah, but then, oh, this is the other thing because the berries are so delicious. Our kereu and other native birds eat the berries.

They're like, yum. And then they go around and they poop and then the seeds get in the soil and they grow everywhere. So great. We've got to kill the kererus as well. Yep. Is that true? That's the ultimate sacrifice we're going to have to make. So this is really bad.

And I cut down a whole lot of it and I put it in a shed because I was like, I can't burn it. I have to get rid of it sometime. And I've borrowed Dad's trailer. So I'm like, I'm loading it all up. Also, I used, there was one that was a cart, but it was so entwined in other trees, it just kind of like hung there for a bit. Yesterday I used the motorbike to pull it out of the tree

and Sade said it was stupid but very manly. Yes! I was like running here. Why aren't there ads on television telling us about this? I don't know. You're alarming me.

But it's free. It's like, if you look into all the bad stuff about it, it's like a really bad weed. But I also don't know. You touch it, it causes immediate, like, so when you cut it, you've got to have long sleeves. You don't want your skin exposed. But when a bit of the branch will touch you,

immediately, like, even though I've got leathery old skin and I don't react to much, it, like, makes my skin red and really itchy. It's safer going to Chernobyl. And this is what I was saying. So yesterday I put it all on the trailer and I took it to the dump because that's how you've got to get rid of it.

Right, I was going to say. And you can't green dump it. You know how if you've got a whole lot of green bin it? Because they turn that into mulch. The stuff you can't put mulch Because then the seeds spread even further. This stuff's just got to be got rid of. So with the car batteries and the buckets of paint. You bet you just dig a hole and bury our problems.

So I get to the dump and I've been still wearing the mask. Okay. Because this is the only thing that's been cut down for a long time, but it's still a problem. No, I took it off in the car. Okay. But when I was loading up the trailer, I did. So I then covered the trailer.

Yeah. Got to the dump and again applied the gas mask, the goggles, because that's right, it's super irritant to the eyes. Gets in the eyes. Okay. Super irritant. So you look like you're in a meth lab at Breaking Bad. 100% look like Walter White at this stage.

Hoodie up on this jacket, pulled tight. Yeah. And I'm just there like chucking it all in, scooping her off with a shovel, and this woman just backs up her Honda CR-V beside me and she's just like, I'm just wearing a trailer of light household waste. Yeah.

And she looks at me and she's like, what are you dumping? She's just in, like, leggings and some Asics running shoes. Yeah. And, like, a workout top, because she's been doing some gardening and some Essex running shoes and like a workout top because she's been doing some gardening and some other clean outs and what have you of the garage and I threw the mask, say

it's toxic waste and she gets back in her car and drives away and moves and backs into the bay like as far as me as she can get away from me and I just continue. And then these other guys pulled up and they're in a painting van

so they're chucking out all the stuff from painting a house and they're like, what do you got? Because they're chucking out jibs and clouds going everywhere and everything. And I say, it's toxic waste. And they laugh. So the moral of the story is, if a joke doesn't work the first time,

try it again with a different audience. And preferably one high on paint for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who are literally just like smashing jibboard and like breathing in all the dust and everything from that anyway. Yeah, and they'll probably find it a little bit funny. There's been a study that's been done in the UK and apparently Britons are becoming more unhealthy

because they're not socialising with family and friends as much. Is this mental health? Yeah, so wellbeing. And I don't know if it'd be the same here. So they surveyed, asked 8,000 people about their sex lives, about their quality of sleep and their jobs, a whole lot of questions, and gave an average wellbeing score of 60.4, which is down on previous years.

And apparently half of Britons socialise with family and friends only once a month or less. I wouldn't even be that. So they're saying the lack of human interaction is causing the sense of well-being to dwindle. But then you interact with people every day at work and at your cafe. That's enough for you. Those aren't necessarily my... No, that's not socialising though. That's an obligation.

That's an interaction. Yeah, right. But like, we're tired. Who's tired? And Netflix. Those shows aren't going to watch themselves. When you go out though, like if you hang out with the girls or whatever afterwards, you're like, man, that was fun.

I should do that more often. And then you're just like, oh, no, I'm tired. And you're always at the end of the night, you're like, we've got to do the next thing. We've got to do it again. Let's organise it now. So we do it. And then you don't. I don't even get that far.

Well, you are famously a hermit. Yeah. Yeah. Love a reclusive lifestyle. You're also famously not tolerant of anyone. Not really, no. Maybe if you hung out

with people more, you would be like... Well, you just don't like social situations, do you? It's always just too loud. I mean, I understand the irony of me saying that, but it's not people

that are too loud. It's like music's too loud. The drinks are too expensive. We've got a function this week. You born bloody loves a DM. I hate it. I hate when someone comes up to you and they're like, I haven't seen you for ages.

And you're like, oh, God. Like you just smell the booze coming off them and whatever happened to, insert person's name here, I'm just, no. I see it happening and I'm like, I could save Vaughn. No, you just leave it. But I'm not going to. How drunk are they that they can't tell the look on my face

means I don't want that? Well, they're drunk. And they're confining you. When I start looking sad. Like, it's not even like I don't even look annoyed I just look like I'm sad I'm like Leave me alone

What about producer Caitlin Now that she's got a boyfriend She's not socialising With anyone as much Friends have said I forget what she looks like Stop winding her up You

Oh Fletch I still think you bring in Far too much effort with these friends Like, oh my god it annoys me so much that I'm going the other like the opposite end and I'm trying to hang out with my friends so much that I'm exhausted

and I don't even hang out with my boyfriend anymore because I'm trying to hang out with my friends too much. Trying to keep a balance Don't, people please Just do what you want People do annoy me though That's the thing Trying to keep a balance. Don't, people, please. Just do what you want. Do what you want, babes. People do annoy me, though. That's the thing.

How is this a socialise when people just annoy you? You know who's the unannoyed mate? I'm talking about your friends, not strangers. Socialising with friends and family. Have you met you two? I have. Lovely. Quite pleasant.

Very annoying. Quite a pleasant being. What a great podcast so far. Wouldn't agree fletch yes and it's all thanks to spark get one gig of bonus data with the spark u25 pack now back to the podcast so producer caitlin yesterday posed a question to me in the car which i couldn't answer and and i thought well let's we should talk about this today because maybe you listening now, maybe someone listening now knows the answer to this. Caitlin, you would like to dig up some of your lawn to make a garden, a veggie garden.

Well, I don't know about digging up the lawn, but yes, I would like to start a veggie garden at my flat, which I do not own. Am I allowed to do that? Yes. Dig up a patch of lawn. No, it wouldn't do with the lawn. I'd just go, because I've got garden,

I've actually got garden around the house. That's obviously not mine. She told me she wanted to dig up a bit of the lawn. No, but where do you put veggies? Do they have to go on the lawn? Well, yeah, actually the garden area doesn't get lots of sun, so I might have to. Dig up the lawn.

The landlords wouldn't mind, though, as long as you're not digging it up for, like, I don't know. A pool. I was going to say dead bodies. Oh, right, yeah. Yeah, I'm not going to hide a dead body at my house. Well, you don't have to get consent to bury a dead body, but if you're going to put a pool in,

you'll have to get consent from council, which can get expensive. It can. No pools or dead bodies. Do you want to dig up the existing garden and or part of the lawn, because that gets the sun, to do

a vegetable garden and you want to know the legality of that? Yeah, because I figure it's good for them if they want to rent their house in the future and I have this beautiful veggie garden. Is it though? Because vegetable gardens famously grow weeds very well. No, but I'll look after it.

Yeah, that's what everybody says. But then they're gonna rent it out to the next people. They might not want a garden and then all their like shrubs and plants have been taken out by you for a garden. But I'll just take out weeds. Yeah, that's not, you didn't argue. But I saw a strawberry growing in my garden the other day.

So someone's obviously planted a strawberry plant because strawberries don't grow by themselves. Wild strawberries. Wild strawberries. I haven't been to your place, but yeah, is it a nice garden, Megan? It's not like someone's taken... It's not like landscaped. Right.

You know, like there are plants and stuff. It's not winning a home and garden award. Yeah. But I don't. Rude. I'm right here. So, I don't know. I just thought maybe we could take some calls today on those unauthorised things that you've done to you.

Like renovations you've done to a place you don't own, like your flat. Because I knew people that, I knew someone that painted their bedroom. Oh, yeah, I did that. Remember I painted my house? That tiny leaky barn? I painted it. That's me. But did you ask?

No. See, that to me is crazy. No, but I painted it the same colour. It was white. I repainted it white because it was all nasty. Yeah, right. Okay. They weren't going to do it and I had to live there so I wanted to

make it nice. Yeah, you were getting sick every three weeks in the leaky barn. So instead of cleaning the mould off, I painted over it. A colour hidden is a problem hidden is a problem solved. Yeah. Yeah, I could never bring myself to because of the money.

People were like, oh, we're gonna, somebody I knew, one of the rooms in the house didn't have carpet and they were like, oh, we asked the landlord that I want to put carpet and they were going to pay to put carpet in there.

I was like, oh, I'm not, I'm not paying. This is the flat I lived in. Yeah, I was like, I'm not paying for carpet. That's just the deal with that room

is it doesn't have carpet. Get a rug or something. Yeah. Yeah, but you're giving them like free renos. Exactly. But they also might not like you messing with their house.

Precisely. Yeah. But you hear about people doing this. I mean, I don't know how extreme someone's gone, like putting in a door or a skylight

or a painting. But I thought maybe we could take some calls this morning. 0800 DALES AT M 9696 Unauthorised Flat Renovations. Whether or not it was adding a garden, I thought maybe we could take some calls this morning. 0800 Dials at M. 9696. Unauthorised flat renovations.

Whether or not it was adding a garden, adding something. Maybe you got in trouble with the landlord, but maybe they were stoked because you added some value to their property. Yeah. So we want to hear your stories about unauthorised flat renovations. When have you taken it upon yourself

just to renovate your flat without asking? Wow, there are some amazing stories coming through. Making Caitlin digging her garden up for a, or lawn up for a garden. Veggie garden. Seemed nothing. Oh, seemed very small. Somebody said there was a room, but access to it was a weird one. You had to go through somebody else's room. So we put a new doorway in. Yeah. I think we did pretty well. Yeah.

Landlord wasn't impressed as they didn't know, like, if it was up to scratch or what, but the door opened and shut better than all the other doors in the house, so I don't know what they're whinging about. Well, if it's an improvement. When I was a student at Otago Uni, we transported two port-a-coms into our backyard, and bingo, a flat of five becomes a flat for seven.

The landlord didn't need to know but may have wondered what killed all the back lawn when we moved out and returned the port-a-combs. What a genius idea. And a port-a-combs would probably be better insulated than some of those Dunedin flats. Yeah, most definitely. And it's got bars on the windows most of the time if you get them from the right construction yard. Somebody else said, like Caitlin, I altered the gardens, but basically all I did was rip everything out and put bark in everywhere

because I didn't want to have to deal with anything. Like no weeds. No weeds, but also no trees. Yeah, Corey, what was your unauthorised flat renovation? Years ago down in Dunedin, my flatty and I come into possession of a spa pole. I got it for free.

I don't remember how we got it, but we decided to build a deck for it. Okay. And I worked on a commercial building site, so I was basically just stealing wood for that. And, yeah, the landlord came around after we'd dug the post holes and started putting the posts in for it and said, ah, no, and, yeah, we didn't live there for much longer after that. I wouldn't have thought, like, if you were going to build a good deck, though, like, they're not going to have a problem with the deck.

Was it the spa pool that was the issue? No, it wasn't a very big back lawn, so the deck was going to take up about 70% of the backyard. Yeah, but you don't have to mow a deck, do you? No. I was going to say, I would have heard you out. I would have wanted to hear the rest of the plan.

Hey, thanks for your call, Corey. Brie, what was your unauthorised flat renovation? So we were allowed to have cats, but we weren't allowed to put a cat door in, so we went out and bought a whole new door and put that on instead. What did you do with the door that you took off? Yeah, we just left that in the shed.

Right, so if you had a flat inspection, would you put the old door back on? No, we just left it and they sold the flat not long after and we had to move out, so we just left the old door in the shed and left our door on. I would have taken that door out of principle. That is spite, eh?

Yeah. I want to see the other ones in the garage if you want to put it back on. Hey, Brie, thanks for your call. Tyler, what was your unauthorised flat reno? We built a slide off the top of our roof down into a pool on crate day. Well, just for crate day. So it wasn't a permanent slide though, was it? It was reasonably permanent.

It stayed for a while until we had to move out and then she had to come down. Right. Well, yeah, that's the thing about bolting things to the roof. Makes it semi-permanent, doesn't it? No, we didn't bolt it to the roof. It was just sitting on the roof, but it was like an old cement tile. So there was a few cracks and leaks in the roof once we were done that we had to fix. Yeah, sounds like a great idea, but I don't trust your slide somehow.

It does sound fun. I would have given it a go. I am a plumber, so my building skills aren't too bad as well. Oh, yeah. Milo, thanks for your call, mate. Good, guys. See ya. Lots of Dunedin texts coming in.

And not all bad, though. Someone said, we lived in an absolute S-heap. There's a few letters in there. Yeah. Of a flat in Dunedin. One of the girls who lived there's parents came to visit and was so horrified at the living conditions,

they put in a heat pump, new blinds, thermal curtains in her room and kind of made it livable standard. The landlord was absolutely stoked. Yeah, because they've just had an upgrade of, although I can't imagine any students that pay to use a heat pump during the free power hour.

Oh yes. Absolutely crank it. Oh my god, I forgot about that. We went away for a long weekend, came back, and our flathead painted the entire kitchen bright blue. Literally, everyone was like, what have you done? See, if you're going to paint a kitchen or any room like a blue or a green, like, it's not going to age well. No.

No, and you kind of want to check that with the landlord. Even repainting it the exact same colour. You probably want to check that with someone. Yeah, that's right. Somebody said, mates of theirs built a deck and a concrete pad at the rental and a month later were evicted.

They got evicted, but then in the relisting of the thing, it mentions this lovely big deck that's part of the rental. So they knew they could maybe... They knew they could get more out of it. Get more. Yep.

That's so cheeky. But then on the other hand, because I know like landlords, you know, everyone has a go at them, but I, a friend lately, their landlord loves them because they pay their rent and stuff and they've been there forever. And they were like, hey, what can we do to keep you here? And like, you know, they were like, oh, well, you know, it'd be great to have this and this and they did it for them. Wow.

Yeah, I remember a landlord built a fence for when I got a dog. He was like, yes, you can have a dog, and I'll build a fence for it. Because we're such good tenants. They won't do it anymore because you can't ring fence your losses against your PAYE. Yeah, okay. What does that even mean? Which means the money that you spend on your flat, on your rental,

you used to be able to say, oh, my rental's not making any money, and it's actually cost me money, so I have to pay less income tax. You can't do that anymore. That seems like... How sad for you. And your friends that were like, what can we do to keep you? They literally, the landlord probably like

doubled the value of that property over that time and didn't have to do anything for it. So yeah, it's nice that they wanted to do that for them. And the final text, I saved this one to last because it's an absolute beauty. Yeah. When I was at uni in Dunedin, the boys in the flat next door,

Hyde Street, dug a giant trench in their backyard, like full-blown deep giant trench. So come Anzac Day, they could sit and drink in the trench and feel how our World War I soldiers would have felt during trench warfare. Let's say the landlord was not impressed. My God. I mean, you didn't have Germans shooting.

There wasn't like Turks shooting. Lads, lads, lads. No one had foot rot. That is so brilliant. But you gave it a go for that authentic Phil Forenzak day. Yeah. Oh, that's so good. Five days till your birthday?

Yes. Five days. I don't like, something's happening out in the producer's studio, isn't it? Just out of your line of sight. God, I'm so excited about this. So you played the little Betty thing. You beeped it at the wrong place. I said cover the age.

We're ignoring this. Well, we've got four categories we're going to cover. And I also hate this song so much. I know. That's why we used it. That's why we picked it. Because we're like, that's annoying because it says the age. But it also is like the worst song.

He hates this song. I hate this song so much. So we said, yesterday we said relationships, strangers, children and work. Well, today we thought we'd start with children. Famously. Oh God, I hate children. I thought you were

going to try and cover it up. How great is it? I'm like, Vaughn, let's do something. You're like, I've got kids. I can't do anything anymore. Dad duties. Life's not fun. It's the greatest thing you can ever do. It's the greatest thing you can ever do. It's the best. It's the absolute best.

Even the bad parts. You can't go on holidays as much, can you? Can you take them with you? Oh, that sounds horrible. God, have you heard children on planes? You were a child once, you know. The only thing louder than a child on a plane is you shushing the child on a plane. And going, oh. Oh, God, here we go.

How long is that going to be going on for? I do not say that. I say it to you. With your noise canceling headphones on, so you speak it out loud. Oh, Jesus, that child's not on here. Throw it out the door. So we thought today we would invite into the studio, or not children, babies.

This is Fran and Matilda, they're twins. Two? Yes, two. Oh. They are so cute. Hello. Oh, my God. And their mum, Kate.

I went to reach out to hold. Oh, Daddy Fletch. Oh, my God. Okay, Fletch is currently holding two babies. Can you move the microphone to me? I'll move in a bit. Hang on. Push me in, Vaughn.

Oh, my God. I don't want to drop. Stop. Yeah. Cross your hands. Hi. Sing them a little song. They're moving.

Well, that's what they do. It doesn't mean anything. So weird. That one's slipping a bit. No, no, no. It's on me. It's fine. Okay, you're not going to.

I don't want to drop them. Those kids are so chill. Look at them. They're not even crying or anything. Why? Sing them a little song. Oh, did you see the way they looked at you, Fletch? What?

Holding my hand? He's cluggy. I think we're officially, we've seen his cluckiness. You know that I don't hold kids because I don't want to drop them. Yeah. When you just don't want to hold them. Oh, my God. Look at the girls in the office.

She's holding your hand. I know. The girls in the office. Ovaries, ovaries. Are you having an ovary explosion? She's holding your hand. I know. Hi, sweetie pie.

Sing her a song. But what if they- Sing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. Twinkle, twinkle. Oh, no. Oh, no. That changed the mood. Sing her a song. But what if they... Sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Twinkle, twinkle. Oh, no. Oh, no, that changed the mood. That really changed the mood. Look, she's so proud of you.

I don't have a great singing voice. Don't do that. Hello. They're looking at each other now. Why not hold them anymore? Because they're wriggling. You've got to hold them. For how long?

I was just thinking the rest of the show. We can get James in to push the buttons. No, see, look at the way she's, like, touching your hand. How does that feel? Oh, she's playing with your finger, Fletch. Also, you have fluked at getting two children that are not at all freaking out about being with a stranger. It's Uncle Carl. He doesn't like babies.

And come Christmas, he'll whinge about having to get you something. He'll say, they're not my bloody kids. Why do I have to buy them something? But they don't understand presents. Like, they're too young. What's the point of buying them something? Like, do you remember what you got when you were one from your uncle? I don't think I got anything from my uncle.

Exactly. And do you know what? I hate him now. Mum, who's standing in the studio, is there an easy way we can make the mum upset? No, don't get upset. Don't go out and upset children.

Maybe if they see me from a distance. Hey, babies. She's scratching my hand and it hurts. Mum is way over here. That's actually, this is a double blow. Uh-oh. I'm so sorry.

Uh-oh. One of them made a noise. But it's over now now These children are too cute What? They're like Men Boys Sorry

Oh She's not It's okay I don't want her to cry Uh oh No Okay now you have to take her Cause

Uh oh What do you do? Wriggle them. You wriggle them. It's okay. Why is this so funny? I'm so sorry. You just calmed a baby.

Yeah. You did it. You're ready for fatherhood. No, I am not. No. I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I don't know why this is so funny. Sing again. Sing again.

Sing again. Sing what's a Wiggles song. Toot, toot, chugga, chugga. Toot, toot, chugga, chugga, bing. No, it's not. I'm not a fan of your rendition. Okay, is this segment done? These are...

No, she's just talking. That's not even crying. Do you remember that time we got those robot baby dolls and I had to put mine in the fridge down in the garage because it was crying? Yeah, I'm going to take that baby because you can't with this. She's hearing you talk now. Okay, you take it because I don't want to drop it.

Her, release. Release, you got it? Great, okay. Why is it still crying for you? Unbelievable. Do you know what that is? It's a microphone. Caitlin, do you want to take this one?

I don't need it. It's germy. No, do you want to take this one? I don't need it. It's germy. No, she's quite happy with you. No, she's moved. Okay, you take it, Caitlin. Oh, I don't know why this is so entertaining. Release. Oh, phew.

Okay, that was so stressful. You have no idea. I didn't drop the double babies. Hi. Just looking at me like, what is this man? You remember him from a few minutes ago? He's a bad man. Yeah.

You don't need to be friends with him. No. He's not a good friend. He's a bad man. Just grab the mic. God, I hope that baby spews on you. Oh, I wouldn't worry me. Well, yeah, you'd be used to it.

I've been there. Okay, well, can I take that off the list then? Yeah, you can take that off the bucket list. Oh, yeah, you'd be used to it. I've been there. Okay, well, can I take that off the list then? Yep, you can take that off the bucket list. Oh, that's good stuff. Well, I'm glad my uncomfortableness made you happy. It's the easiest out of the four to say

probably. Oh, don't look at that. I've got bad breath. That's in my microphone. Thanks, Faria and Matilda. You guys did so great. I said bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Did that sound like a baby voice? Oh, you upset her again. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. I'd like to take a moment just to talk about explaining something to the complete wrong person. Okay. Follow me on this journey. Yesterday I had to buy some fencing. Yeah, some bloody fencing.

You just love telling us about all your manly journeys. I love sharing rural yarns. You've got so many rural yarns since you moved to the country. Look at your dirty hands. You've got like bad cuticles now. It's from fixing a motor mud. Christ. And then you'll come to work and be like, oh, my house burnt

down, my shed burnt down. I don't know why. I just rewired something and it's all burnt down. So, because you may remember the plight of my obese sheep. Yes. I thought they were happy but apparently I was killing them with kindness. They're obese. Because it blew my mind. I thought they were happy, but apparently I was killing them with kindness. They're obese.

Because it blew my mind. I thought about that. Like, I would have just thought, leave some sheep in a big paddock. What can go wrong? Vegetarian. They're eating grass. Yeah. But apparently, obese from too much grass.

Yes. Unreal. That's just like lettuce. Too much. Yeah. Lettuce isn't going to make you fat, is it? I know. Nuts.

But we'd probably get sick of lettuce before we stopped, before we ate it to a point where it could possibly make us fat. But anyway, they're out there and they're fat. So I've got to do something called break feeding. Farmers know what I'm talking about. G'day, g'day, g'day guys and girls of the bloody rural sector. Oh, is that when you're coming into land somewhere and you fly over all those farms and you're like, why are they putting all those cows in a little bit when there's all that grass in the other paddocks? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Break feed them. That's right.

Because otherwise they just eat themselves to oblivion. You can actually see it from ground height too. You don't have to be on a plane. I'm not paying that much attention. You might just be driving down a road and be like, oh, they're all there. That's like giving your Labrador all the food you bought it and being like, just ration that out. Yeah, they can't.

They just go crazy. They'll eat it all. So I needed to buy some fencing. So I went to a place that sells fencing. What kind of, like electric fencing? Yeah, yeah. To be like, put it in so they can just eat that little bit and then move it a little bit. Okay.

And move, et cetera, et cetera. I went and I was looking at the fencing, my fencing options for temporary electric fencing. And I was like, hmm, hmm, hmm. Doing a lot of thinking. Someone comes out from the store and says, can I help you? I said, well, here's my predicament. I need some electric fencing. My electric fencing has always been the pigtail ones,

the dairy cow ones that sit at about. I've got no idea what you're talking about. You know when you have to like go over one in a paddock and it's just like a little tape wire temporary fence? Yep. So my experience has always been with that, growing up on a dairy farm. Yeah, I urinated on one once and got an electric shock.

That'll sting right up the penis. Yep, that's not recommended. Thanks for sharing. At any age. It does happen though, I'm just warning to people. So I go about explaining I've got these sheep and I need this much and I've got a paddock this much that needs to be done.

And do I need to go like multiple? Because sheep are obviously shorter than cows. They could walk right under an ordinary cow temporary fencing. So do I need multiple? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm explaining my full situation. And then I finish and she says, actually, I don't know anything about fencing. Why'd she let you go on?

I said, why did you come out then? Without being rude, why did you come out? Because I'm in the fencing area and I'm pondering, looking just at the fencing. I'm not even pondering the rest of the store. And they said, oh, I just came out to see if I could help. I was like, but okay, that's all right. But you work here.

Why didn't you stop me? You could have stopped me before and said, you'll go get the fencing person. No, like you were just, I was trying to see if I did know, but I didn't. Okay, right. And I was like, okay. That's okay.

So somebody else came out and I only need to explain the very minimum to them because they knew more about fencing. I've done that. I ring up places. And they'll be like, hello, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, oh, hi. And I'm awkward at explaining things and I go on and on and on.

And they're like, oh, okay, I'll just put you through to Gary. And I'm like, now I've got to explain it all again to Gary. I'll just put you through to someone who you need to actually speak about. Oh yeah, I need to put you through. It's insurance to ring up

because I'm the same. I'm awkward. I'm like, hey, it's Yvonne Smith here. I've got an insurance policy for a car, but I'm changing address. So I need to change address on this. And where we, hey, it's Yvonne Smith here, I've got an insurance policy for a car, but I'm changing a dress, so I need to change a dress on this, and where we were living it was not in a garage, but we're moving to a place with a garage, and I was wondering if that will affect the monthly

premiums and blah blah blah, and I also want to change like the value of the car, and then they're like we'll just put you through to new policies. Why don't you just ring up and be like, hey, I need to change your dress on my policy and change some other things. I panic. And Shelly always says to me,

like she says to me, she's like, stop, stop. You're giving them everything. You're definitely not talking to the right person yet. See, if I was that person on the line and you get sick of people doing that, I'd just interrupt and say, stop, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, champ.

Hey, buddy. Pal. Chief. Sweater. Or just put them through and it just starts ringing. Yeah, you're talking and you're... Beep. Beep.

I'd be like, I was telling too much to the wrong person. We should all just take that as that's the new rule. Yeah. If mid-explaining something, you're just getting transferred. Yeah, you're going on. You've gone on to the wrong person for too long. What do you do in real life? Put the hand up and go... Yeah, like yesterday she could have put her hand

up to me and like waved over Rog. Right. Or maybe just say this guy's talking fencing. Yeah, oh, and put your hand up. And then you're like, oh, wait. Or be like, actually we've got someone who will be able to help. I don't mind being interrupted if it's going to save me 20 minutes.

It felt like such an explanation because then I can remember part of the conversation being like, well, because I grew up on a dairy farm, both of my grandparents were in sheep and beef, but I never really had too much to do with temporary sheep fencing because we'd all just, it'd be such a flock, they'd have a paddock at a time, there was no need for brake fencing.

And this girl's just sitting there nodding her head and I'm like, it's a long story. My grandfather came to this country and his ship. My grandfather's family's from Norway. And she's like, oh, gosh. You know what's worse, though, is when you explain it all and then you realise it's a mannequin. Mm.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. What goes bald, hairy, bald, hairy, bald, hairy? No, we did this yesterday. We did this yesterday. Remember? You said you weren't going to do my fact. No, but then Megan couldn't find a fact and she was like, well, I'm going to do Vaughn's fact, but it's bloody stupid. It is stupid.

Because you went home to drop off the indie August for a first day of school with a kid. One of your kids. One of them. And so Megan went, and I liked it. Because I ended up having to get on Wikipedia and confirm the bald, hairy, bald, hairy. That would have been a good way to start it, actually. What goes bald hairy, bald hairy? How did you start it?

Vaughn rolling down a hill. Because your beard goes up and then... Oh, I think you're talking about my ass or something. I thought you were talking about his pubes. Like, forward rolling. I don't know why straight away he's naked. What goes bald hairy hairy, almond neck? Bald, hairy, almond neck.

Worn, doing roly poly down the hill. Oh my God, that's the funniest thing you've ever said. Thank you. But now I can see what you mean by bald on the head, beard on the bottom. I get it now. Do you have a backup fact for that? Yeah, I do. Now I'm imagining bald head pubes.

Sorry. And you know, you said that fact yesterday. He's had 24 hours of thinking about that. That's true. This man and his head. That's what we need to give him, 24 hours for his jokes. Oh, you're saying that I'm not fast enough. No, no, no.

I was saying that you've been like thinking of my naked body rolling down a hill for 24 hours. Quite often. Yeah, sure. Find yourself daydreaming about naked Vaughn roly-poly rolling down a hill for 24 hours. Quite often, yeah sure. Find yourself daydreaming about naked Vaughn roly-polying down a grassy I don't know why you'd be naked. A grassy and in time. Well you'd have to be naked if you were going to see the pubes. But he meant the face.

Oh right, okay. So here's another fact of the day. This is a backup fact. The Darwin finches, they're a bird. They're in danger of becoming extinct because a parasite has changed their mating song. And so the females don't recognize the male's mating calls anymore. Isn't nature fascinating? So how has the parasite changed their like, the way they sing?

So it deforms the beak. It's a parasite they they... It deforms the beak. It's a parasite they get and it deforms the beak. They've likened it to... It's not like a cleft palate, but they said it's the same sort of thing as the causes of the cleft palate in humans. Right. And from birth, the beak is slightly different.

So they can't make the exact same noise that they did. So then the parasite wins by how? Eating the beak? Eating it out. Eating it to extinction. No, no, no. Well, it's just living in the bird. I guess that's all the parasite needs to do, right?

Right. To survive. Okay. And flourish. But one thing it has made happen is it's made the bird sound like another bird. Right. So then there's some interspecies mingling happening and there's a new hybrid bird. Right.

So they said if it keeps happening, the Darwin finch won't happen anymore because it will be either gone or missing. Do we care is it a nice bird? You know, sometimes this is going extinct. I'm like, it just looks like a seagull.ull No but it's a balance Isn't it

It's a fine balance You know like dolphins I want dolphins I'm like cool Let's save them But sometimes I think We go a bit overboard With birds that look like sparrows

I'm like I don't It is a sparrow Because we've still got sparrows It is a sparrow looking bird Ah fine Yeah Oh it's got a cute little beak though Everything plays a part

Yeah In the fragile balance Have you not seen The start of the Lion King In our delicate ecosystem Yeah Yeah okay fair call then I the start of the Lion King? In our delicate ecosystem. Yeah. Okay, fair call there. I always thought on the Lion King that was just Mousafa's.

Mufasa. Mufasa. What did I call him? Mousafa. I always call him Mousafa. I don't know. I've done that for ages. Mufasa.

Yeah. I thought that was just him justifying like eating his people who served him. Because, you know, right at the start, the antelope come up, bend down like this. They're like, oh, we've got a new king. Bend down. And then he'd be like, can I get us an antelope, will you? And then everyone's like, oh, my God, but they just bow to you. They're like, they would be like the queen walking out and someone bows and they're like,

I'll have that one for dinner. Just bring that fat little chubby kid in. I don't know. Slow roast it. Sure. So the fat renders in. Yeah. And then he says to Simba, he's like, chill out, bro.

It's the circle of life. Yeah. But, Dad, they were bowing when the monkey held me up. I'm going to eat the monkey too, probably. If he comes close enough. We're lions, baby. We eat whatever comes in our way. But I thought Scar was the bad guy.

It's just because he's a different colour to us. That's what makes him the bad guy. Lion King. Yeah. We're watching. He didn't fool nine-year-old me, that's for sure. So today's fact of the day is a parasite may lead to the extinction of the Darwin finch. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. It is coming to our screen, Celebrity Treasure Island,

and we this morning can announce two of the celebrities. One is in studio with us right now, joined by Lily McManus. Good morning. G'day. How are you guys going? G'day. Do you remember the show growing up? Like, do you remember any episodes?

Uh-uh. I don't really. I remember Fetus Stombowden, and that's about it. That just sticks in the front of my mind when I think about Celebrity Treasure Island. Right. He was 10. Yeah, he was very young. I did actually hit him up, and I was like, do you have any pointers?

And he was like, learn how to catch fish with your hands. I was like, it's not going to happen, Dom. Did he go all right, though, or did he get eliminated? I don't actually remember. Was he a host? No, he was on it. No, he was on it, yeah. Okay.

Yeah, he was so fresh. He wore a shell necklace. Oh, they were in all the rage at the time. They were, yeah. All the rage at the time. Those are two people defending themselves in case anyone finds photos of them in the year 2000. Yeah, I was about to say,

you two both wore those. So you're ready to do another reality show? As ready as you can be. Because the New Zealand public are well known for really liking and being respectful to people on reality shows, aren't they? Oh, not quite. Oh, okay.

I mean, I got very lucky. I had a pretty good run. Yeah. But I know a lot of people on my season of The Bachelor didn't quite cop that end of the stick. Yeah. Including my Bachelor. Yes, very true.

But he's a lovely dude. So what have you been doing since then? I have been living in LA, actually, for the past year and a half. I did a show called The Bachelor Winter Games, which was, again, another Bachelor franchise shebang, and that was in America, and they aired on American television. And I actually met a dude over there who was an Australian, and we broke up recently, maybe like six months ago

or something like that. And I just got sick of the States and wanted to be back home. How different is it with the two different filmings, the two different Bachelors? The US one, is that just next level? There's definitely a lot more money. Oh, yeah. In the US.

Everyone knows what they're doing. They've been making that show for hundreds of years, so they know it like the back of their hand. But I feel like in New Zealand, they're still kind of like, I guess that'll do. Shall we do another Puk Nuk? Get a camera and a light and we'll go film a Puknuk.

We'll pick up some sandwiches on the way. New Zealand bachelor. So joining you on the island and joining us on the phone right now, someone you're competing against, Zach Guilford. Good morning. Morning. Thanks for having me. Pleasure to have you.

So how excited are you for Celebrity Treasure Island? What are your memories of the show growing up? Do you remember episodes? Vaguely, not really. No, I'm pretty nervous, to be honest. You should be. I've got survival skills alike, so I could be in a bit of trouble, but we'll see what happens.

Right, what about fishing with your bare hands or gathering food? Oh, look, if I get hungry enough, I'm sure I'll find a way. Which is probably going to happen, so I'm going to have to learn pretty quick. Very quick, because we've just been told that you're leaving this weekend. Yeah, yeah, this weekend. It's all come around pretty fast

when I agreed to do it. I was like, it won't come around now. That's how I agree to do things. I agree to do things, and then when they happen, I'm like, oh, man, I can't believe I agreed to do this. Yeah, exactly. More than a weak moment. So either of you, is there any, like, prepping you've been doing,

like fasting or, like, how do you prep for being on an island? I've been carb loading ice cream mostly. Yeah. But, yeah, I've been going to the gym, working out, trying to get my fitness level. I have like wet noodle arms. So I've been trying to make them a little bit less wet. Right.

Like a hard noodle. Yeah, I want to be like the hard ramen. Yeah, I've been eating a lot. So hopefully I'll be pretty full by the time I get there for a day or two. Stop piling. You're gambling. Yeah.

No, just training for rugby so that keeps me pretty fit. So, you know, I know that it'll be a lot different on the island and it won't be sort of rugby related fitness

but hopefully it'll get me somewhere. Awesome. Well, best of luck. Best of luck to you both. Good luck, guys. Starting filming this week and coming to TVNZ Screens this year,

Celebrity Treasure Island. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Yesterday, it was my daughter August's first day at primary school. Quite a momentous occasion. Because her birthday is very close to mine, isn't it? Yes. I remember when August was like in the belly. Fletch was like, better not be born on my birthday

I don't want my thunder being stolen yeah so she gave you a week just over a week a week's grace to sort yourself out but then Vaughn

spends all of his money on her prison and doesn't have any for mine I don't have any well actually the birthday present I got you last year

is still sitting right there he's really he's actually really upset about it producer James uses it for all the cables we take around in the granny trolley. That wasn't its intention. Yeah.

And it was purchased. So momentous occasion. She's had the visits and everything beforehand. I don't remember ever getting those. Things have changed. I think we just got dumped at primary school back in the day. Yeah, we did. No, I had school visits.

Did you? Yeah. What, is this where you go before so you're a custom? Yeah, you're a kindy and you go visit school. No, I'm pretty sure it's got dumped in there. No, you want a pair. Single swim. Yeah, like the parents didn't even stop the car.

They just went down to a gentle... That's how you learn to get yourself out of a moving car. Roll! Your mum would be like, tuck and roll! Tuck and roll! Yeah. So went in, left work early. Here's my biggest mistake.

When I got home and we were all getting sorted, that little notification popped up on Facebook saying, you've got memories, are you? Oh. So I know, big mistake. I don't actually know if I'm going to be able to find it easily now. But the memory was of when August was born and Indy was holding her for the first time.

And that popped up. And giving her a kiss on the forehead and being like, hello, little sissy. And I was just like, and then I showed them and they're like, Dad, are you crying again? And I was like, Dad might be crying. Didn't come home from work early to be judged. Get in the car.

So we got in the car and then like, so I was just fresh from watching that. And then when they were walking down the footpath to school, they were holding hands. I was like, this is too much. This is. So walking a little bit behind them, Michelle is like, sort yourself out.

I'm trying to sort myself out, but when you say sort it out, it only makes it worse. It's like someone's saying calm down when you're upset. It never calms you down. So anyway, I got it all together. Yeah. And went in, and August was like, I'll show you my classroom. She's very relaxed.

I'll show you my classroom. I was like, all right. She's like, come over here. This is the shop. Do you want anything to eat? The what? The shop. Yeah. Like a little corner set up, like a shop.

Oh, yeah. Do you want anything to eat? I was like, what do you mean? She's like, well, there, yeah. Do you want anything to eat? I was like, what do you mean? She's like, well, there's a cupcake in that here. I was like, oh, we're playing. So I pretended to eat a wooden cupcake and then I got shown a map of New Zealand. And then the bell, I was sitting there and the bell went and she was like looking at me and I was looking at her and she's like, do you not know what that means?

You've got to go. You've got to go. You've got to go. Class is about to start. I was like, okay, you all right? She's like, yep. So she went and sat on the mat. I was like, okay, I'll leave you. If you're all right.

She's like, yeah, I'm fine. You're winding her up. What are you going on about? I was like, if you've got any questions, ask Oliver. That's her little mate. They knew each other at kindy and he started school a little while ago. She was sitting beside him. I said, if you've got any questions, ask Oliver. That's her little mate. They knew each other at kindy and he started school a little while ago. She was sitting beside him. I said, if you've got any questions, ask him. She's like, yeah, I will. I was like,

you got this, Oliver? A lot depending on you, a lot riding on you. He's like, mm-hmm. Spive. Who's the freaky dude with tears in his eyes yelling at me about looking after his daughter? And so we leave and on the way out, I'm like, man, that was amazing. Like, she did fantastically and then after school, I picked her up. I was like man that was amazing like she did fantastically and then after school

I picked her up I was like how was your day at school and she was like oh I had so many questions for Oliver I was like well that's good though because that's what he was there

to help you out she's like like what are we eating now when's at lunch time like I want to eat this is it okay to eat this now I was like mostly food based questions

for Oliver yeah she's over school waiting for food. She's like, yeah, yeah, because it's quite confusing. We have like quite a few eating breaks.

Yeah. So I had to ask him what we're eating now. Yeah, right. So once she's got that, she's absolutely problem free. You don't want to eat your lunch at playtime.

No, that's the worst. Yeah, I know. And then you're starving, aren't you? And you can't learn when you're starving. Yeah. So yeah yeah it was

Just An emotional You're all cried out They're needing me less and less Something of like Puncturing their bike tyre Just so I'm like Who needs dad now

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan The podcast If you enjoyed this podcast Why not give ZM's Free and Clint a listen too Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app Or wherever you get your podcasts And you say Live not give ZM's free and Clinton to listen to? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hit me say, lives here. ZM.