ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - June 19 2019

Episode Date: June 18, 2019

Vaughan got told off at a cafe yesterday, This Is Why I'm Fat and what did you call your gennies?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music lives here. Fletch Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Thank you, Ash. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch Vaughan and Megan. You'll notice here, Caitlin has given me an early birthday present. Yep, it's a woven bag? Mesh. Mesh? A mesh? What's the material there? A cotton? Yeah, it feels cotton. Cotton-y bag?

This is to stop Fletch using single-use plastic bags every day to transport his fruit to work. We know this is great, but this is my problem. So this knitted bag, mesh bag, it weighs more than a plastic bag. So over the course of a year, Caitlin's probably making me waste $10 by using these. Just put the fruit on by themselves. And then put them in a plastic bag.

Yeah, but where do I put the fruit? Just in the basket. But you can't weigh, if you had mandarins and apples, you can't weigh them all together anyway. You've got to take them out and weigh them separately. Oh yeah, I'll have to get some more bags. Put them in a bag and just put them rogue in the basket. Yeah, no, I never ever use use those plastic bags at the produce.

Those are absolute waste. Just wash them when you get home. No, then your apples or your mandis are rolling everywhere. Yeah, but your mandis come in a natural bag. Yeah, that's true. Same with nannies. And then you wash your apples. Apples always get a wash.

I never wash my apples. Oh, you should always wash your apples. Absolutely wash your apples. I know, because sometimes I see an apple fall on the ground at the supermarket and someone puts it back. I'm like... And you don't know the difference in stacking them as, like, wash their hands when they went to the bathroom.

I mean, they definitely should. Most thing are more strangers going through the supermarket. That too. All touching it. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. I have found three news stories that are interesting, quirky, odd, funny, bizarre. I'm going to give you three headlines, Vaughan and Megan.

This is how Storytime works. And you pick one only. Headline one, Uber getaway car, not the smartest idea. This is happening a lot, actually, lately. Really? Yeah, and same with limes. It's like, it would be so easy to track who's in an Uber and who's in a lime. Like, come on, criminals.

Headline two, whodunit mystery in small rural town. And headline three, Pakistani government left embarrassed after live stream. I think I know three. Okay. The Pakistani prime Minister or President What's their current situation Prime Minister It's a very good question, Bourne

What's their political structure Well it was a regional government Right So it's an information minister Yeah okay So someone They were doing a Facebook live And someone pushed the filter button And it put a cat on him.

It put cat ears. Oh, he looks way cuter. Yeah, I think, to be honest, I think it would be far easier to swallow some hard-hitting political press releases and press junkets with the filters on. Do you think Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, when she does her cabinet briefing, she could rock a filter? Yep. I'd like to see her with the road cone on her head. I was wondering what filters do we currently have? Oh, on Snapchat.

I don't know. You could put a filter on Facebook Live. Yeah, it's the same as Instagram. Right, okay. So you can. Okay, well, you've done that story. See, that's a Snapchat Well you could turn her into a bloke

You could do the Or a baby But that's Snapchat Not Instagram is it Oh yeah There's a Billie Eilish filter At the moment Your eyes go all

Black and white Right All filled in That would be too scary That would scare the old people They would think Jacinda was a demon There's a puppy dog That's a pretty cute

Oh yeah She could do the briefings in that. Yeah. We'll ask her next time she's on the phone. Yeah. If she had to do a press conference in a filter, what filter would she choose? It's a great question.

All right. So we've touched on that story. Do you want Uber driver, Uber car, not the smartest getaway idea, whatever, something like that. I think rural whodunit. Okay. All right.

We go now to a place called Dunlap. Where's Dunlap? It's what just says here, rural Dunlap. I've got no idea, Vaughn. I don't even know how many people. No, it looks like it's in America. Oh, really? So a car set up for sale has been vandalised

And this is somewhat of a crime of high importance Because I don't think a lot of crime happens in rural Dunlop And the car was vandalised as it set out for sale Somebody came out to the car and they found it Covered in calamari and chicken livers Okay, calamari and chicken livers. Oh. Okay, calamari there. The report didn't specify whether or not the food had been prepared. However, the report noted that containers were found next to the vehicle,

Tyson chicken livers and Pampa calamari, both of which are sold in grocery stores nearby. Also discovered near the car was an empty bottle of wine. And the containers were taken into evidence and were actually checked for fingerprints and have turned up nothing. Was it somewhat of a crime of the century in this small rural town?

No one's sure why that covered in squid rings and awful. If this was Dunedin, you'd be like, students. Yeah. Or if this was anywhere in New Zealand, you'd be like drunk people. Yeah. Students can't afford calamari to be here. Exactly. It's a small enough

town though. People go and talk and you're definitely going to hear who did that. Well, it's the talk of the town. Yeah. And I just find it quite funny that they ran CSI on some food containers for it. Yeah. Wash the car. Like, you know, like, it doesn't matter.

What kind of resources go to CSI testing? If it's a small rural place, there'll be, like, one CSI. One person, and they just would have done it themselves. Yeah. Just would have been Keith would have finally, like, you know, in Hot Fuzz, that movie Hot Fuzz, where the rural cops get really excited because they finally have something to do. Yeah. It would have been like that.

Do you think that's like that for our rural cops? Nah, our rural cops are too busy. Dealing with things being stolen. Lunatics. It's not sleepy little English towns. Yeah. People rustling and hustling and stealing from sheds. All the stealing from sheds.

Right. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Guy has done something that a lot of people are afraid to do. He has done it for a year. It is eating food that has expired. Okay. Expired or best before or both?

Expired. Huh. Because that's the old best before is a load of horse, isn't it? Yeah. Horse manure. You can always get another day or two load of horse, isn't it? Yeah. Horse manure. You can always get another day or two out of the milk unless it's lumpy. Especially trim. Like that'll go for ages.

That's mostly water, isn't it? Yeah. I just like go by the rule if it tastes okay. Like if it doesn't have lumps in it. Go for it. Go for it. So he has eaten a cup of yogurt that was months after its expiration date. He said it was fine.

I don't know. That's. You wouldn't go that extreme? What do they call it when they seal it, but it's also sealed under heat? Oh, yeah. Like UHT? No. No, it's not like that.

It's a name for the sort of sealing that yogurt does. Like nothing's getting in. Yeah, yeah. Nothing's getting in. If you open it, you've got a It's a name for the sort of ceiling that yogurt does. Like nothing's getting in. Yeah, yeah. Nothing's getting in. If you open it, you've got a few days. And like they just have to be careful that when you get it, it's not going to be manky. So they've got to have a bit of a buffer of a month or two or a week or two.

But anyone that's ever danced in the world of Greek yogurt will realise that once you open one of those big tubs, it only takes the next time you open it, there's a little bit of liquid sitting on top. You've just got to stir it in. Yeah, but some people that once you open one of those big tubs, it only takes, the next time you open it, there's a little bit of liquid sitting on top. You've just got to stir it in. Yeah. Yeah, but some people see that liquid, they're like, He ate tortillas that were a year past their

expiration date. He ate heavy cream, which was 10 weeks past its expiration date. What's a heavy cream? Just like full cream. Full cream. No, don't you mean like what do they call? Silver. Oh, silver top. Nah, it's beyond

that. It's one of those little red puddles, isn't it? Yeah, it's just a red. That you buy for whipping. Yeah, it's just whipping cream, isn't it? Whipping cream, heavy cream. Yeah, he said it didn't smell bad, so my theory is if it doesn't smell bad, he rinses it off, good to go. We had one of those

creams and it was past its use by date. But all it had on the top was like a disc of gunk. And then I scooped that out with a spearing and put that down the sink but then smelt it and it smelled fine and I used it in a recipe and didn't tell my wife

and she didn't know and no one got sick. Because she's terrible for this. Shocking. With best befores, used bys, expiries, freaks out about everything. It was like the other day I used some like a sauce that had

expired in early 2018 and yes I understand that means we moved and took the expired sauce with us. There's been many things that we've discovered since the move that we expired. But it was absolutely fine. So full of preservatives and crap anyway. 100%. Yeah.

I always eat old things. And I've had food poisoning a lot. But granted, that was only from, I've only ever had it when I've eaten out. I've never given myself food poisoning. And I always eat like old-ass mince that's like got a little yellow and a little bit white on top. Yeah, yeah. My dad reckons that's when mince hits its high point.

When it gets a little orangey, like the fat. Yeah, but also. He can't explain what it is, but it's good stuff. The tippity top of the mince goes a little bit white. Yeah. That's not good. I don't know what that is. It's not mold.

It's just like me sitting there for a while. You can roll the dice with beef, but just not chicken, eh? Yeah, no, chicken's not really a dice roller. No, you don't. If it's been cooked, though. Fish, no. Fish is not really a roll. Oh, no.

Fish and chicken, don't roll the dice with those. I don't mess with fish. But your beef. Knock yourself out. Chicken's all good, too, as long as it's cooked. So, I mean, what are the stats on food wastage? It's astronomical. I mean, I don't know New Zealand alone, but it is unreal.

That's what this whole experiment was about. He did it for a year and it was to highlight the amount of food we are wasting and how it's not necessary because there's a few apps now that... Well, you signed up to one, didn't you? Yeah, we've signed up to one for... That's specifically for cafes and restaurants for excess food. People can buy it half price or cheaper. But there's other apps.

Oleo, that's for, like, where neighbours can share surplus food. Oh, yeah. So if you've got leftovers, you're just not going to eat it. Is that American or... Because a lot of the local Facebook pages we get sent for community... 100%. So many people sharing like. I've made too much lasagna.

Yeah, that's good. Which I reckon is awesome. But then like put it into some Sistema's or Click Clicks. Save it for later. Yeah. That's what I do too. And when you go and pick it up, judge the sitch. Yeah.

Are they going to poison you? No. Seem all good and legit. Eat it. You know, I saw a Sistema container on a Netflix show the other night. Do I tell you about this? No. Because, you know, I get excited when I see New Zealand stuff overseas.

Yeah. I'm pretty sure there was, I don't want to spoil Designated Survivor for anyone. Oh, you're the only person still watching that. There is a gay kissy love scene where he's holding a Sistema. And I was like, what? What? I was like, weird. Is it being used

in the sitch? Well, it was referred to before the, has that had a spaghetti bolognese in it? Like, can you still see the orange

residue? No. What purpose was the Sistema fulfilling at that time? Well, this person had bought some feelings in the Sistema.

No. It could be fresh. I don't know. It was like, oh my God, Sistema, that's made in New Zealand. I like that someone's experiencing a lovely moment. You're like, not bad.

Not bad, Sistema. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. So there has been an incident on a Southwest airline flight. And it is to do with airdrops. So basically, a woman was sent inappropriate photos. And this has been a trend on like tubes, metro, trains.

Public transport. So she took a screenshot of the sender's name, which apparently was a not safe for work take on Bilbo Baggins. We can probably figure that out. And it was a graphic photo and she actually got a graphic video. And so she showed the steward, steward, steward? Yeah. The crew.

Flight attendants, the crew. And they apparently, it was only an hour long flight, but obviously this person was like getting to it. Yeah. They went straight up on the intercom and said, Mr. Baggins, please cease airdropping immediately.

And went and checked on the person numerous times during the flight. So they don't know who it was still? No. They just said Mr. Baggins. Dildo Baggins, knock it off. There's only a few people it could be. I mean, you'd eliminate anyone without an iPhone because he drops iPhone or iPad or whatever.

Correct. So, I mean, if... A dude. And a dude, sure. Yep. It's kind of hard to get away with. No, the pictures gave it away. Oh, but then she might have got it from somewhere else.

Yeah. Like Googled several images. No, no, no. She might have had it on her phone from previous. Oh, and a video. Yeah. See, I know people that will airdrop things like silly things, but not pictures of their junk to strangers on a plane.

We worked out the other day, Megan and I, you can send notes. So if you open your iPhone and go to notes yeah and then you go to share you can send it

the little menu pops up and you can go airdrops in there you can airdrop to somebody and then they edit it send it back to you and it still shows you

what you've done and we played like a game of noughts and crosses I put a photo in there you were trying to we played noughts and crosses still got it it saved as notes and then there's a video of noughts and crosses I put a photo in there you were trying to we played noughts and crosses still got it I saved his notes

and then there's a video of me when I won that's when I won noughts and crosses Megan actually cheated and put two O's in on one turn and I said

that's not how it worked he tricked me sent me a video of him shaking his head I didn't trick you that's I won noughts and crosses that's how that works

but yeah you can communicate with your friends. But it's got to be a small plane. This won't obviously work on a big plane. On a massive plane. Unless you're saying you're trying to airdrop me. And I was watching Netflix. It kept coming up.

Piss off. We were trying to talk to you. Yeah, but why are you watching it on your phone? You've got an iPad. It annoys me so much. I don't have an iPad. You've got a little laptop. Yeah.

He always watches things On his phone And I'm like How are you You gotta hold it So close to your face To get the first Friend experience

No I've got a holder I just put it on the train table That's so tiny It's miles away Nah it's fine This is the 1980s It's not a 14 inch It's so weird

That you settle for that Yeah given But a laptop It's that awkward You've got to open it And then you're kind of Squished in the looking You've got to open it

What did you do with your iPad I got rid of it ages ago Was it because of squished in the looking. What did you do with your iPad? I got rid of it ages ago. Was it because I never used it? Well, you should be better using it every time you're flying. You fly more than anybody, I know. Yeah, but it's extra, something extra to lug around. Oh yeah, iPads. No one for being massive.

You can't have a laptop on take-off. They're all like, you can't take your laptop. You can have an iPad though. Again, I will put that towards you as you should not have got rid of it. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Hello there. Today's Top Six. There is a Hunger Games prequel book and movie in the works.

And I said 20 years before. Apparently 64 years before. Oh, okay. Yeah. We'll focus on the time after the so-called Dark Days, which was a failed rebellion that they mention throughout the Hunger Games. But apparently the book will be coming out in 2020.

That doesn't sound exciting. It's a failed rebellion. Suzanne, we kind of know what's going to happen there. Yeah, they're not going to do well. Oh, you know the ending, but you don't know how it went down. You don't know the middle. Yeah, I guess it was like the Star Wars prequel. You knew what the end was, but it's the journey there with some Jar Jar Binks throwing in.

So today's top six is the top six possible names for the Hunger Games prequel. It's only a new name, obviously. Number six, the slightly peckish games. So you're a little... There's some crackers, maybe. Number five on the list of the top six possible names

to the Hunger Games prequel the I could eat games I'm not starving I'm not starving but I could eat is that like

slightly peckish it's it's it's before that before slightly peckish I didn't even think about it about being hungry

but you've just said should we eat and I'm like I could eat there's food there'm like, I could eat. There's food there. I could eat. I could eat. Yeah.

Okay. And then it would lead into the slightly peckish games where you're slightly more hungry. Yeah. Number four on the list of the top six possible names for the Hunger Games prequel. The,

you just had lunch, how are you still hungry games? Often mums are the ones leading those games. Have a piece of fruit. Yeah. What do you mean? You just ate, well just make it three or four sandwiches. often mums are the ones leading those games. Have a piece of fruit. Yeah, what do you mean? You just make it three or four sandwiches.

And if it's not mum saying it, it's in your head you're saying it to yourself. Yeah. I just had lunch. Literally just spooned the last mouthful in and I'm already very hungry for the next meal. It's because you've got to eat slowly. So the brain registers. Yes. Because that's the thing, you warp it down. But then it's the brain that's because you've got to eat slowly. So the brain registers. Yes. Because that's the thing,

you warp it down. But then it's the brain that's telling you to eat it quickly. So there's no beating the brain. It's a very clever opponent. Number three on the list of the top six possible names for the Hunger Games prequel,

the famished games. Oh, I'm famished. Famished. I'm famished. I haven't eaten since three hours ago. I'm absolutely famished. I feel like it's an insight into what those children in third worlds go through. It's just completely the same.

I'm absolutely famished. Yes, I could go oysters and bread with some olives. Yeah, let's just do a bunch of tapas. Number two on the list of the top six possible names for the Hunger Games prequel, The Hunger Games colon pudding stomach. Yeah, it's a separate tummy. It's a separate tummy.

It's a separate tummy. I ate my full of mains, but... Yeah, I can't eat any more. This is a kid's classic. I can't eat any more. Okay, then no pudding. Well, I'm still hungry for pudding. I eat that and then you can have pudding, but I'm so full.

Well, if you're full, no pudding. I still want pudding. And number one on the top six possible names of the Hunger Games prequel, the I'm not hungry, I'm eating because I'm bored games. Oh, yeah. Yeah, which is a... The weekends. Brought to you by the weekends.

Yes. Yeah, or the afternoons when Oh, yeah. Yeah, which is a... The weekends. Brought to you by the weekends. Yes. Yeah, or the afternoons when you work mornings. Yeah. You give yourself, I'm trying to eat right again and I've just found you've just got to

keep yourself busy. Yeah. Because if I stop, I'm like, what's in the cupboard? Yeah, but then you're too busy. You're like, oh, I'll just eat this crap then.

Yeah. Because I'm busy. Can't win. Oh, no, no. Look, I'm not in the house. Oh, right. Okay. I'm outside.

You should take snacks. I'm ages away from the fridge. I should pack some trail mix. Yeah. I can't win. Oh, no, no, look, I'm not in the house. Oh, right, okay. I'm outside. You should take snacks. I'm ages away from the fridge. I should pack some trail mix. Yeah. I should definitely pack some trail mix. That is today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. I said I had great news for dads.

Might not even necessarily just be dads, but I'm talking about dad bods. So apparently a dad bod is described as softly round. So it kind of is a theory that once a man has found a mate and had a child, he doesn't need to worry about maintaining like sculpted physique. Well, he's off the market. He's off the market. It's like when you've got a house.

You don't mow the lawns. Doesn't matter. You're not selling. Yeah. True. Yeah. But if you're on the market, you do the gardens. Give it a weed.

Like a paint. Yeah. Like a paint. Clear out the gutters. Chris Pratt was famous for his dad bod back in the day, obviously a bit more sculpted now, but a survey has been done and it has found that 70% thought the extra kgs and a dad bod was attractive on a man.

78% of women think men with dad bods are confident and they seem to be confident with how they look. One in two women, so it actually equates to 47%, they think dad bods are the new six pack. But are they using celebrities as a guide here? Like celebrities with dad bods? The only mention of a celeb was Chris Pratt. I'm looking, I just googled

when you started talking about this, the top 10 dad bods. Okay. And some of them are like, even that dad body. Like, right. I think the definition of the dad bod has changed somewhat. It used to be a bit more tum, I think. A bit more tum tum.

And now what's less tum-tum? When they asked people in the survey, they said softly cuddly. So they definitely had a cushion. Well, they use Adam Sandler as an example on the dad bod. Vince Vaughn and Will Ferrell are other examples of dad bods. Jay-Z actually falls into the dad bod category according to this list. And Matt Damon now, now that he's not like ripped and playing Jason Bourne,

he's relaxed a little bit and they're saying it's a little bit more dad bod, but you know he's still got a heartthrob bod underneath. He can get that out with a few weeks training. He'll be able to kill you in a second because he's Jason Bourne with a book to the throat. Seth Rogen. Leonardo DiCaprio seems to be... He fluctuates between dad bod and Bourne. Yeah. With a book to the throat. Seth Rogen. Oh yeah. Leonardo DiCaprio

seems to be. He fluctuates between dad bod and hot bod. Yeah. Depending on what his movie role is. I don't know how he does that.

I know it'd be so hard. Because in between movies you see him on yachts with hotties and he's wearing glasses and a hoodie and he's got a little pot belly.

And then suddenly he's in a movie and you're like. Okay. Maybe he's using those Spanx and tucking it in. Manx. Manx, yeah, Manx. Men, yeah.

Men's Spanx. Maybe. How high do the Spanx go? Up to below your breasts. There you go. So it'll cover the pot pots. Do you? Yeah.

It's going to cover the tongue. Otherwise, if you stop halfway down, you'll get muffins. But then your muffin top, your boobie, your man boobies. It needs to go right up. It needs to go under the shoulders like a pair of dungarees. Some of our ones turn into a bra, so I don't know what. We'd have to have the bra because you don't want a muffin top. No, you don't want a muffin top at the boobie.

It's come under your armpits, I reckon. Yeah. And then up, over. And hold it all up. It can sculpt your boobs into like flat pecs. But then, like, what about breathing? Welcome to our world. Don't just rock the dad bod.

Are you having a heart attack? You're like, no, pants banks. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. A mother has shared on Mumsnet the story of her son at preschool. He's two years old, so still a nappy. He's having his nappies changed.

And mentions that that's his penis. That's my penis. I like my penis is apparently what he said to the woman changing his nappy. Right. He's like two. Yeah. But that's cool. Yeah.

Apparently afterwards he went out and told some of the rest of the class that he likes his penis. That's good. Body positivity at such a young age. And it's the correct name for it. And there's this whole thing about you actually teach your kids the correct name for it and the idea of respecting

around it so that it's not a shock to them when they become a teenager that they can't just whip that out on any occasion and touch other people's and all these sorts of things. Yeah, right. So she got pulled aside when she went to pick him up by one of the teachers and said, and got told of the situation. And she said, I'm not sure what you want me to do.

I'm sure as an early childhood teacher, you've dealt with the fact that this is a curious time for children and boys are looking at it and being like, what's this all about? And she said, I understand that, but it's inappropriate for him to use that sort of language in a nursery setting. And she said, I'm not sure what you want me to call it. I've always just called it that because that's what it is.

Did she want them to use Willie or something? Yeah, to stop saying it and it wasn't a nice thing to say. Weird. And she's like, well, that's what it is. That's what it's called. Yeah. And it's not an offensive. It's not like it was a swear word for the junk.

No. Neither, which I can understand if she had a- Or it's not like he called it junk like you just did. He's like, look at my junk. I like my junk. Yeah. Yeah, and so the mum he's like, look at my junk. I like my junk. Yeah. Yeah, and so the mum's just like,

this is really weird. Surely like, we've moved well away from that and we're more into now actually calling it the proper name and everything. So, and did mum's neck

go in on her or? No, no, no, no. They're all supportive? Fairly supportive. Oh,

that's good. Fairly supportive from what I could see. If you give it like a cutesy name, they're more likely to want to like play with it and show it around because it seems like a toy.

Yes. I mean, I don't know. Are you speaking from experience with peachy? That's ruined peaches for you, hasn't it? Man, everything's like that's a peachy colour or a peachy flavour. I'm like, no, no, it's not. No. So, and you've spoken about this before,

but this is what growing up you called... That's what my mum told us to call girl bits. Peachy. Peachy. You're peachy. See, even, like, when I say it, I'm just like, no. Yeah. She's moved on now.

I think she tells my niece her foof or sometimes peachy. But see, that's not a fruit. A foof isn't a... Foof is short for foofoo. Yeah. So foofoo's the full version. Yep. But see, that's not going to ruin foofoos for her in the future, is it? No. Because it's not a thing. Exactly. It's not going to ruin fruit for her.

Or at the body shop when they had fuzzy peach flavoured things. Like that perfume. Can't do that. It's been Just like that. Can't do that. It's been ruined for you. Can't do that. At all. What did you growing up? I can't remember.

Like Willy or something maybe? Yeah, I think we had Willy and Doodle. Yeah, Willy and Doodle. They were the go-to's. Go-to's. I can't remember. I can't remember what she said for my brother. What did you just say?

Did you say did-did? Like short for diddle. Did-did. Did-didds? Did-didds. My brother. What did you just say? Did you say did-didds? Like short for diddle. Did-didds. Did-didds. You call it whatever you want now, mate. That's not... I can't imagine your mother... Yeah, yeah.

You call it yours. Yeah, I will. Yep. As long as you're respectful with it. Then you call it whatever you like. Are you Googling something? No, I'm asking mum what she called Justin's when he was growing up. Oh, yeah.

Because I can't remember. She would have never heard it. No, maybe she called it a banana. Nani. No, I'm asking mum what she called Justin's when he was growing up. Oh yeah, she would have never heard it. Maybe she called it a banana. Nani. I know we just went with the 90s classic, Fanny. Oh no! I think that was what we... It wasn't 90s classic. Don't say that. That's horrible.

All the 90s stuff's making a comeback now. Don't say that word. So maybe you should... Fanny. No, don't say it. But why, Megan? It's just a word. Don't be like half of the people out there have it. That one's so offensive. Why? That's offensive, that No. Don't say it. But why, Megan? It's just a word. Don't be like half of the people out there have it. Why? That's offensive, that one. Don't say that. Why is it offensive?

Yeah. I'm going to look up the broadcasting standards list and see if fanny's on there. Oh, can you? Fanny's not going to be on there. Is it offensive? Is it British people? No, it's American people. That's what they call the butt.

The fanny pack. What do you think of the fanny pack? Yeah, but when you're talking about bums, Caitlin, is it offensive? But whenever I wear a fanny pack, I wear it on the front. Stop saying that. Caitlin, are you offended? What about Mountie? Is she offended?

Sorry, Magoose, but I always call it a fanny. No. Mountie? Mountie, do you call it a fanny? No, I would say Johnny. Johnny. See, that's way more worse than a fanny. No.

No, that's way better. It sounds... No. No, that's way better. It sounds more like, I don't know, like... That's way better. No, that's all fine. Don't say the F word. No. It's all fine. All right, okay. Well, if you would like to join us on this ever-growing list of complaints

by the two conservatives that do listen to the show, what did you call it growing up? Maybe your parents taught you the words to use because they didn't want you using the actual terms. Curtsy names. Yeah, and has it ruined something for you as well? My Megan still can't tuck into a delicious succulent peach. You know, we're in stone fruit country, you know,

down there in Cromwell. She'll drive past a roadside stall of peaches and just be disgusted. I'll just stop and I'll just eat one right there on the side of the road. And take a bag home for later. All right, 0800M9696 to give us a text. What did you call the genital situation growing up. So a preschool teacher has had a go at a mum for teaching her two-year-old the correct name for his genitalia.

He said during a nap he changed something about his penis and then went and told the children that he likes his penis. Now that's surely on the lighter end of things that preschool teachers hear about. They get an unfiltered vision into your life. They might as well be standing at your lounge window, the stuff that your kids will tell them. But then this preschool teacher had a meeting with her mum

and said that's not appropriate. So we're talking about those nicknames that you used for your bits when you were growing up. Now, Megan, you mentioned it was called the peachy growing up. It's peachy. I was like, what did you call Justin's? And mum has messaged to say she used to say Wally I remember now

A Wally Wally Not a Willie No A Wally Yeah Okay I don't know, why not Willie?

Never ask questions with mum Red and white striped and a hit in the crowd Yeah Where's Wally? Find it Where is it going? So we want to know from you what you called them. Stacey, good morning.

Good morning. So what did you call it growing up? So we called it, instead of the F word or Fanny, we called it a fandangle. A fandangle. But there's actually a few fandangles on the text machine. Yeah, where did that come from, the fandangle? I'm not sure.

It's just mum used to call it that. Me and my sister used to call it that. And, you know, we didn't use the F word. Like, we're not rocking around saying fanny everywhere, but it seemed totally acceptable to say fandangle. You keep saying F word and then you say it anyway. Really getting to me. Oh, that's brilliant.

Hey, thanks for your call, Stacey. Josh, growing up, what did you call it? Called it a wiggle. A wiggle. Has it ruined the wiggles? And that was before the wiggles came along. Yeah, right. And so now when you say references to the wiggles,

are you just like, heh? Yeah, yeah, crack up every time. And now my daughter, she actually calls hers a Vivie or a Viv in terms of, like, Vivian. Okay, right. So every time we hear that name, we crack up as well. The Vivie. Fresh Prince of Bel-Air runs with Aunt Viv.

Yeah, hey, thanks you called, Josh. Amy, growing up, what did you call the bits? My mum used to call mine my front bottom. Okay. No, front bum. Yeah, okay. Stop. Front bottom is one thing, but front bum, you can't say front bum.

Can I just interrupt, Amy? I have brought up the list of the most offensive broadcasting standards of words, and Fanny isn't on there. Oh, stop. Just stop saying it. We've only established that word. Probably because it hasn't been used for a while. Yeah, give it a try.

After this break, it'll be on there. Nah. They've got no jury. They've got no precedent. Legal precedent. Is that what you say? Right. On suits or something?

I thought it was PC Madness when they changed the names of those children's, remember that kid's book? And two of the characters were called Dick and Fanny and they changed them. Right. To like Rick and Francis or something. Right. I was like, don't give into it. So Amy, was there a name for boys parts?

Yeah. So my brother called his balls, his chicken, because it looks like a little roast chicken. That's the movie we should wrap this up. No, it's funny. We should wrap this up. Thanks, Amy. You're in trouble if your balls look like a roast chicken, eh? I hope the situation's got better.

Yeah, me too. There's some classics on the text machine. Somebody said Tallywhacker. Oh, okay. What is the origins of Tallywhacker? That's some homework for me. Okay. Google origins of Tallywhacker. The jumpy jump was one of the other ones doing the rounds.

The jumpy jump. We called them a Tom Willis. Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, I've heard that one before. That was a Tom Willis. Yeah, a Tom Willis. And Johnny again. They're Mountie.

There you go. That's Mountie. She said Johnny. A Johnny. Mine was a Willie, but I remember once calling it that to my friend, and he said, no, it's called a Johnny. And then we called them a Willie Johnny and then that was our collective name

for them. Right. Somebody said I grew up, my parents taught me that they taught me quite an improper slang for a girl's parts. Okay. Starts with M. I'm not going to say the word because it definitely should be on that list if it's not. Their parents taught them that.

Weird. Like, they said they found out when they were a teenager how inappropriate it was to call it that, but they came from a place of pure ignorance. Like, that's what it was called in their house growing up. As a parent, I believe you do have some social responsibility. Cute names, sure. Correct names, go for that.

Yeah. Semi-vulgar slang. No. Best to be avoided. Let's try to stop that with this generation. Yeah. Semi-vulgar slang. No. Best to be avoided. Let's try to stop that with this generation. Yeah. Yeah.

That would be really great. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Ross Voss, good morning. I said I didn't want to say all those words. Let's just be clear. I think it's really good that we normalise words like penis. I've got a three-year-old son. We don't talk about his penis, but it's his penis. It's not a Wally or whatever else.

Yeah. But we've been on radio a while, especially you and me, Fletch. 2001. Speak for yourself, Ross. I'm turning 30 this Sunday. Sure. I remember we had an announcer who got a written warning about 18 years ago for saying giny on the radio.

For saying giny? Times change. It's a different era. A written warning. A written warning. A written warning. So somebody made a complaint. And it got to the point where it did something

I mean, I assume so. We were playing M People on Pop Radio back then as well so it was a little bit different. I don't even know who these M People are. Coming up next, moving on up on ZM.

On them M People. Yeah, them M People. Was that them? I don't know. Before. Before. 40. Oh, but crying out loud.

I told you to beep that. I just took the beep out altogether today. Well, they couldn't get it in the right place. Embrace it. You need to embrace it because you look beautiful. Thank you. Four days. That felt weird.

Yeah, did forcing a compliment out of yourself to me feel weird? It did, yeah. Thank you. You tried though, that forcing a compliment out of yourself to me feel weird? It did, yeah. Thank you. You tried though, that's a must. Four days until you officially enter daddy territory. I think that's the official. Do you want me to punch you in your face?

I mean, you've been testing it out for a while, but you'll be officially, you'll be in the demo. Unbelievable. Hey, I'm glad we're all having a laugh. We're all having a laugh. All right. So four days until your birthday, and we are trying to tick off some things before the big birthday that you haven't really done per se.

Like yesterday, you held two babies, twins, beautiful babies. Man, everybody that I talked to about those babies are like, how well behaved were those babies? So good. So cute. They get worse than that. Oh, man, you experienced nothing. Oh, that was a grizzle. That was a wee grizzle.

You don't know how people do it. A light, a light. And you can't just go away spontaneously for the weekend, can you, with kids? I don't know how you do it. You can, but you've got to take them with you. Oh, no way. Can't just leave them. They don't get home from school and they're like, where are Mum and Dad?

They've left a note. I went old enough to read. Well, I guess we just do our best to survive. Don't burn the house down. So you didn't drop them? Yep. So I guess that enough to read. Well, I guess we just do our best to survive. Don't burn the house down. So you didn't drop them? Yep. So I guess that's a tick. That's a tick.

After the show yesterday, however, though, we went to Megan's Cafe, Beaufort & Co. That spelt Beaufort & Co. Thank you. South Africans can't say Ds. No, Ts. Beaufort. They said Beaufort.

Beaufort. Yeah, there you go So this on my list Ticking off on my list Before the big birthday Doing an actual day's work Yeah Because you've just always done radio right?

Which isn't actual work is it? I used to listen to you at school You don't know Yes I did She Me too Stop being mean to me Me too. Stop being mean to me.

So, yeah, we went to the cafe and you tried your hand at working in a cafe. Which, Megan, you didn't do very well at. I didn't do very well today. There's a video. We're going to put a video up later on today. It's up now at ZM Online. It's up now. It'll be on Facebook later today. That's up now. It'll be on Facebook later today.

That's proficient. It'll be on Facebook later today. ZM Online right now of me doing a solid day's work. 20 minutes. 20 minutes work at Megan's Cafe. I actually can't remember. I'm trying to think of something you did well. Nothing. I took the dishes to the...

He invented coffee acronyms, and then by the time he walked back to the coffee machine he couldn't remember what they stood for. I had to write down what was it? AMCL, what does that stand for? Yeah, and then I got to the coffee machine and I was like, I can't remember what they are. Almond milk chai latte.

Yeah, that. And then I tried to make that very hard. You know, the swishy milk frother. I'd never heard the milk frother make that noise. No, it sounded like it was going to explode. I was very concerned for us all. We were laughing, but I was like, you break that. But even taking the dishes to the kitchen,

you dropped everything on the floor. I dropped a spoon. Yep. I took those people their meal. That was good. The tradies. Yeah, I took the tradies there. Yeah, they weren't like, I was sitting beside them.

When you walked away, they were like. They weren't fuss. What was that then? You were like, here you go, and plonked it down. Usually you kind of describe what they've been given. I mean, I'm not a people person, am I? I'm not a service person. Oh, certainly not a service person.

I should be heading away. You should be heading away. In the back room. But real work, is it for you? Oh, it was horrible. There was a lot of standing up. You'll have a new respect for people in the service industry. I've always had respect, but even more so now.

Megan wouldn't let me eat the food for free. You ate a slice for free. Yeah, that wasn't a good look. You kept licking it and then you'd put it down and lick your fingers and then go and be like, can I help you to people? You're behind the counter eating the food. That scene you lick your fingers. It was very weird.

They've got a little certificate that says health grade pending. I hope one of those people in there yesterday wasn't the council council's investigator. Well, I've been let go. So it's fine. Yeah.

Yeah, I need everyone to know that he was fired. So when she gets to Those kind of practices are not acceptable. When Megan gets her B, she's going to be like, we fired him.

Yeah. No, no, well, we'll be back in a few weeks to see if we deserve that. Right on vivid underneath the B, we fired him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's going to be like, we fired him. No, no, we'll be back in a few weeks to see if we deserve that. Right on vivid underneath the B, we fired him. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, he's gone. So, yeah, that video up now at ZM Online.

If you want to see how truly atrocious cafe service can be. I know, I'm sorry. I felt real bad for you because I was trying. You. You're trying. I was putting in a good amount of effort. Right, okay. Yeah. You're lucky it was a quiet patch for your cafe. I was putting in a good amount of effort. Right, okay. Yeah.

You're lucky it was a quiet patch for your cafe. It was. There's only like 10 real customers. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Currently the coldest spot in the country, minus 3.9. Toma de Nui, minus 2 in Christchurch at the moment. Auckland, 10.2. The warmest place in the country right now.

She's a chilly star. They're calling it the coldest day of the year, the coldest night. Oh, they would. They would. What do they know with their thermometers and their weather satellites? Trying to scare everybody into buying thermals. This is all just Merino. I tell you, this is big Merino.

It's a conspiracy. Panic us into buying thermals. They're putting fans down the bottom of the South Island, blowing up the cold. Cold air. It is a conspiracy. Yep. Yep. So yesterday the internet went nuts for a little garlic hack, and I love garlic. Man.

Oh, yeah. I love it. Me too. I just chuck in a whole clove of garlic. By the way, when it's like one clove of garlic, does it mean one segment? No, this is a bulb. That's a clove.

So I just do the whole thing. But a clove is a segment. Yes. Okay, right. Okay, so it should be called a segment. In cooking, I like to buy, see, it's a hard, because it's so much effort getting garlic out. I think this is why this went crazy online yesterday.

Because you want the garlic and you want the whole clove. Sometimes I'll just chuck a whole one in with the roast and roast it and then it gets to the end and you can just literally squeeze it into your mouth and mamma mia. You're not going to beat it. Mamma mia. But then you can get those tubs of the crushed garlic but that's all made in China

and there's all those rumours that it's like poo farms and stuff isn't it? Yeah. Grown in humidity poo. and then just bleached. But then like that might be Big Marina again. Ranging with their conspiracies. Sure. I'm watching you sheep. So the basic premise is that you cut yourself a little opening

and then it's all just sticking the knife in and screwing the bulb out. It looks like they've got like a needly thing. We're using knives that were like the point of a knife. No, I think they've just got like a small vegetable knife. Yeah, yeah. A peering knife, am I correct? Yeah. I'd love it.

You know, you see a nice set of knives. Oh, no, because they cut you easily. Yes. I like mine because they don't cut me as good when I miss the carrot. They cut them to carrot Everything it touches So we've each got a bulb of garlic And we're going to try this hack That we saw online

Do you put the first one into a segment Or into the side You've got to put it on the side of the clove And then you angle it out I've just pulled one out Actually you know what Pretty easy that's pretty much peeled So I've just pulled one out and actually, you know what? Pretty easy. That's pretty much peeled. So I put it

in like that. Cut it, cut it, cut it. No, you don't just stick it in and twist it. That's what you do. Have some decorum. No, you've got to feel it. You've got to feel where the bulb wants to go and what it wants to do. Okay, I've tried three times. Now it's just crushed. Go in from the side.

I went, okay, I didn't go in on the side. Okay, hang on. How much on the side? Yeah, no, that one's crushed as well. Did you get a perfect one? I did the same as you. You just had to pull a little bit off. Why isn't it working for me?

You have a little decorum. Bloody slopping it in, mate. You've got to. So like that. And then what do I do now? No, you're doing it wrong. You've really got to peel it. Do it in the side.

Do it in the side. Like there. See, that one didn't peel for me. Like there. Yeah. And then go in, and then what? Look, it doesn't work. It's a flip.

Because the age-old way I do it is you just get a clove, and you put a knife on top of it, and then you smash it like that. Well, you shouldn't do that. But he doesn't have patience for anything. I don't have patience. You've got to like- Because I always like chop the little ends off and then peel them, each individual one.

Oh my God, no, that does take forever. And you get little garlicky under your fingernails. Yeah. No, no, no. You know when people are like... I'm buying the stuff in the pottle, I don't care. You know how people say, oh, you eat garlic and you can...

or you put it in your shoe and you can smell it. I just love it. I just love the smell of garlic. I wouldn't even mind if someone smelled like garlic. I would. Low standards here, mate. Can you eat raw garlic? You can eat raw garlic,

but then everyone else is going to smell it on your foot. Oh, he ate a whole clove. Are you regretting that instantly? Why did you do that? You thought, I'll show off. I'll show off. It tastes way different when it's cooked. When it's not cooked, when it's raw.

It's really like quite burning. Yeah. When I swallowed it, I didn't spit it out and now I can feel it going down. What did you do? I got excited. I got carried away with my love for garlic. I thought you were going to do a little nibble.

You chucked that whole clove in. Oh. I'm going to need a toilet break in 20, 30 minutes, I reckon. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Yesterday, I went and picked the girls up from school, August 2nd day. Sade had made a morning guarantee that if everybody had good days, that we'd go and get a hot chocolate after school.

Oh, that is so cute. And I didn't get a hot chocolate. Was that the cute part? Was you imagining me like sipping on a hot chocolate and like, ooh, it's a little hot. No, so we went to a cafe that the girls really like because there's an outdoor area, but there's also chickens. So the coffees were ordered and the hot chocolates.

And I started walking outside with Indy. August and Sade were waiting for the stuff. And I was walking out with Indy. And the minute we stepped out the door, this chicken looks at me. There's a chicken at a cafe. Yeah, there's an outdoor park. Oh, so it's out in the whops or something.

Yeah. West Auckland. Okay. That's how they roll in West Auckland. Yeah, there there's an outdoor park. Oh, so it's out in the whops or something. Yeah. West Auckland. Okay. That's how they roll in West Auckland. Yeah, there's a chicken. And the minute they go on, what was your look like? Megan, if you had chickens, would you get an A food rating? Not if they're rocking around inside.

Were they inside? They don't come inside. Oh, okay. They stay outside. Carry on. Carry on. So this chicken, the minute I step out the door, this chicken eyeballs me. Okay. And I'm out the door, this chicken eyeballs me. Okay.

And I'm like, oh God. And I start walking and it walks right up to me, playing a game of chicken with a chicken. Yeah, okay. Effectively. And it walks and I stop and it stands on my foot. It stands on my shoe. Like this chicken has no fear.

Yeah. It doesn't know my history of chicken eating. I'll eat every part of the chicken. It doesn't know my history of chicken eating. I'll eat every part of the chicken. It doesn't know you've devoured thousands. I eat chicken feet

at Yum Cha. I eat wings whenever the opportunity presents itself. I'll slow cook a thigh. What about the neck? I've been known

to neck. I've been known to enjoy a neck. I won't eat the head. Very ugly head. I wouldn't tell a chicken that to its face. No.

It doesn't need to be that shame. So it stands on my boot and I'm like get off. And I kind of move my foot. I don't kick. I that to its face No, it doesn't do that, shame So it stands on my boot and I'm like, get off And I kind of move my foot, I don't kick I just move it and the chicken, woo, it comes off So then we're walking further down

And the chicken's keeping pace And then I stop again and I'm like, where are we going to sit? Because there was a couple of options And the chicken again, stood on my foot It's like flirting with you I don't know, and I just immediately Without even thinking, I kind of like It's still not a kick, it's more of a flick And I just immediately, without even thinking, I kind of like, it's still not a kick.

It's more of a flick. And I'm like, F off, chicken. And I actually say like the whole F word. I'm like, F off, chicken. And then I sit down and Indy comes right up into my face and she's like, Dad, you cannot use that language around here. Now, there is a time and a place. And this cafe is not one of them.

There's children just over there. And you've said, F off chicken. Did she say the full thing? Yeah, yeah, she did. I think the whole telling off was a guise to be able to say the F word. Yeah, right. Without me being able to tell her off because I just said it. And I was like, oh, yeah, sorry, sorry.

I didn't even mean to. She's like, you've got to think about these things. A seven-year-old has given me a dressing down for my language. The chicken doesn't know you can't. For a start, the chicken doesn't understand what you're saying. She's right. The chicken doesn't know what you're saying. It's just a word.

It's the other people that would have heard the word. Okay, okay. Okay, I've had a long day. You're about to get the same word the chicken got. Hold on a minute, kid. And then I'm like, alright, if you keep this up. And then I'm like, all right, well, let's just keep that between us. She's like, okay.

And mum comes out and sits down. Goes over to mum. You'll never guess what dad just said. He told a chicken to F off. Shani's looking. She's like, why would you tell a chicken that? I was like, I don't know. I don't know. And then I looked at August. I'm like, you're going to back me up here? And she's just shaking her head. I was like, why would you tell a chicken that? I was like, oh, I don't know. I don't know.

And then I looked at August. I'm like, you're going to back me up here? And she's just shaking her head. I was like, okay. When August shakes her head, you know you've done. I've lost the whole family. I've lost the whole family. And that's when you made them walk home.

But then the chicken kept coming back. And I was like, see how annoying it is? Like, that's, that deserved the F word, that chicken. It's very forthright. And delicious looking. Fleshforn and Megan. It's very forthright. And delicious looking. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM.

Yesterday I went around to Fletch's to have a look at his new mirrored doors. Gosh, that's a trick to make a bathroom look bigger, isn't it? Oh, it makes it look way bigger. Mirrors anywhere make a space look bigger. And I love that thing where you've got a mirror on opposing walls and you look in one and it looks like it goes on forever. I know, it's a never ending tunnel. It looks like a light tunnel. It's so cool. It looks like a light tunnel. It's so cool.

It looks like a portal. Anyway, so Vaughan came around for a nosy. Came around for a little nosy parka. But the only trouble with that is when you get out of the shower, it's a full-length mirror. It's very confronting. It's very confronting.

Getting out of the shower, I just don't look that way now. Right. You need to put a slight bend in them. So... Make it convex. Yeah. It needs to be convex.

Because I swear the mirrors at the gym are skinny mirrors. Because then you'll go home to your mirror and you'll be like, Because I swear the mirrors at the gym are skinny mirrors. Because then you'll go home to your mirror and you'll be like, oh, I've put on weight all of a sudden in that 10 minutes. Or is it when you're at the gym, you're like, man, I look good. I've got to keep coming. They use, and same with clothing stores. I swear they use.

Oh, yeah. I reckon gyms use different things for different genders. Like guys see themselves looking a bit bigger and they're like, okay, I've got to keep coming. It's starting to work. And girls see themselves a little bit bigger and they're like, I, I've got to keep coming. It's starting to work. And girls see themselves a little bit bigger and they're like,

I've got to come back because this is not what I want. Right, yeah. But then in the changing rooms, would they use a skinny mirror? Depends what you want it to be. If you want it to bulk up or skinny. Yeah, true.

Yeah, I don't know. But then I'd see the skinny mirror and be like, my work here is done. I'm not coming back. And same with the clothing stores. You look great in your jeans and the skinny mirror. And you get home and you're like,

these look terrible. Yeah. What have I done? Well, no, it wasn't the mirrors that I wanted to talk about. Oh, good. And your corners being cut. Yeah. There was, you've got that looking all very nice,

the accessories and everything all very good in the bathroom. Where's this going? But I went wheeze. Yep, you did. Didn't splash. Good. If I do, I'll wheeze. Yep, you did. Didn't splash. Good. If I do, I'll give it a subtle wipe. Good.

No need for that. Thank you. That was on point. Flushed, shut the lid, washed my hands with what I believed was Rosemary Mandarin Cedar Aesop brand. What? I know. Ooh.

La. Freaking la. What Rosemary? Rosemary, mandarin and cedar scented. Okay. ASOP. ASOP branded hand wash. I don't think I've ever even heard of that brand of hand wash.

Pump, pump, pump. I went three pumps. Some say too many pumps. Three pumps? One pump? Born half a pump. Three pumps. When you used to shower at my house after we'd go to the gym together years ago, Christ, you went through some salt. You're over leather.

There's no need to lather so much. And it's like put a pea size in your hand and you go pea ashen fruit size glob. Do your face. Born lives in excess. Yes, I do. I do. I'm a poster child for excess. So, pump, pump, pump, rubbing. I know where this is going.

And then I go. To smell the rosemary, cedar and mandarin. Because I love cedar. Yeah. Cedar is one of my favourite scents. Lovely wood. It's easily my favourite smelling wood. It's a lovely wood.

And, you know, rosemary and mandarin, I'm like, what will this scent combination be like? So, I smell it a couple of times, I'm like, that's vanilla. This is not the advertised rosemary, mandarin, cedar that I was expecting. Yeah. This is vanilla. And I thought, I'm going to make a deal of this.

And then I was like, best to publicly shame him for this. I washed my hands off. Then I noticed another Aesop bottle, mouthwash. I thought, what's he got going on in here? Under the lid? What a bougie brand. It's very bougie. It looks like when you go to a really nice.

Ass up. Like hotel or something. I don't even know if that's how you say it. Oh, okay. I looked it up. You see there's stores everywhere. They're so fancy. So I.

Okay, that. I tasted the mouthwash. No lips. No lips. Oh, okay, right. No lips. I don't know where yours have been. And I can't speak for mine.

So no lips, mouthwash. And that was, that would just taste a little bit like plaques to me. Because it is plaques. It's the pink plaques, isn't it? It tastes like lollies. Yeah. Yes. I know the pink plaques are everywhere.

So back on the lid. Put it down. And I spat into the sink of deceit. The sink of deceit. And I went out and I was like, bathroom looks great. Okay, so obviously I wanted my bathroom to look really cool. Yeah. Just like when you go and buy a cool accessory from, you know, a home store.

Yeah. Yes. And so I did shell out a little bit more money for these nice bottles. And yes, I do refill them with cheap, nasty soap. What is wrong with that? It still looks cool on Instagram. It looks, exactly. Because it's black and white aesthetic, right?

And these are very plain black and white labels. I think the poetic notion of this is so current, isn't it? It's like it looks all perfect from the outside, but on the inside it's nasty, cheap and often hollow. You know? You see someone... Are you talking about people? I'm talking about people.

And our culture at the moment. They're walking around like they've got their everything sorted, but inside their shoe, their sock's fallen down. Fallen down? You mean it's got holes in it No It's the heel slipped

Oh right Okay actually right Yeah Okay yeah right But they continue to walk Like nothing's wrong Preach So I want to know

This morning Following on from El Cheapo Which is the A take on the Mexican drug El Chapo Except on from El Cheapo, which is a take on the Mexican drug law, El Chapo. Hey, I did have to buy those soap bottles initially. Initial

outlay. Oh no, because I don't know what your refill bottles look like. I was going to say it's a good environmental move. But I don't know what your refill bottles look like. They're still coming in plastic bottles, but you recycle that. Yeah, you do your best. But I am. I'm faking bougie. You're faking boug in plastic bottles. But you recycle that. Yeah, yeah, you do your business. But I am.

I'm faking bougie. You're faking bougie. I'm faking bougie. That's what I wanted to. That's a song. That would be a great song. Faking bougie. Yeah. So, yeah, I want to know if you're faking bougie.

How are you faking bougie? I'm not the only one that has a fancy container and fills it up with something cheap. Is that the kind of example you're looking for? Yes, yes. What else would you be faking, like getting a rip-off handbag Megan? But you, Megan, can always tell. Holy shit, I'm just looking at the price of this stuff

Fletch, good lord. I could have bought a container you know, one of those soap dispensers. Like a really nice container? Freedom Furniture or something. It's glass, right? That bottle. Yeah. I felt quite wasted. Yeah, it felt quite weighty. Yeah, one of them is, yeah.

I can't fake bougie because remember that time I bought that Gucci T-shirt? I can never wear it anymore because it was... The $10 AliExpress Gucci T-shirt. Yeah. Sade did the same. My wife, I outed her publicly for it. Does she still wear it? Yeah.

You spent $10. She dare not not... She spent $10. She's bloody well wearing it. All right, we want you to call us now. When have you faked bougie? When have you got your fake items? And maybe people are buying it or they're not.

0800-DARLS-NM-9696. Give us a text. When have you faked bougie? Fletch is refilling a high-end brand hand wash bottle with vanilla scented stuff. It's still nice soap. Yes, it's not bad. And you know I love a vanilla scent.

It's like one-eighteenth of the price. Yeah. That's just budgeting. But it was an initial out cost was quite high. But then I've got the cool brand association, the cool bottle. But the thing is, is it just for pictures? Guys, I'm cool on the outside. Because if anyone comes and actually uses the soap,

they're going to out you. Okay, many have and have not said anything. Bourne is the only person that reads the ingredients of the soap. Most people just squint the soap. No, I just saw the scent and I was immediately like, if it wasn't cedar, you may have fooled me. But guess what? Me and Scooby-Doo solved this mystery.

We had you sorted. So we want to know, how are you living a fake bougie lifestyle? Yeah. Here's a brilliant one. Walking through an airport once, I found a gold elite Air New Zealand bag tag. Popped that on the old luggage. It always came out first on the carousel Would it?

Well maybe because they'd just see that Because usually priorities printed on your actual thing On the tag On the tag that you stick on But if they saw that big gold elite thing You'd get free regional bag drop though With that Would you?

You could walk it out to a plane Bougie Bougie That's a private jet baby Bougie. Bougie. That's a private jet, baby. Bougie. Sam, your mum, she's done this? Faking bougie?

Sam. Sam. I don't know what's happened to Sam there. Let's go to Nicole. Nicole. Hi, how are you going? Good. So this was when you were a teenager? Yeah, back in the day.

I got a denim jacket, and it was a bit blah, bland. And so we had another piece of clothing, or I did, or my mum did, that had jag on it, and we stuck the label on the outside. So everyone thought I had jag jackets back in the day. I've never heard of that brand. Was that a fancy brand back in the day? It was pretty pricey. Yeah, well, it was pretty pricey back in the day because I'm not young.

Oh, hey, you're only as young as you feel. Oh, that's right. Or person you feel. Hey, thanks. You're called Sarah. Your mum filled up the tomato bottle, so that's why you weren't there because your name's Sarah, not Sam. Oh, yeah, sorry. thank you so much for that.

No, no, you can get... Sarah, don't you be sorry for being given a name. No, this is Caitlin. That's another written warning. Crap. Don't act like you've got the authority to... Yeah, you literally forgot to turn on your... You forgot to turn on your microphone to talk before.

Hey, we all make mistakes. Sarah, what did your mum do? Oh, she used to fill up the, what is, tomato sauce with, like, the home brand stuff. My parents used to do that too. They said it was because the big bulk one lived out in the cupboard out there. Yeah. Yeah. It was disgusting.

To me, that's different than soap. Like, soap's soap. It cleans your hands. It's the same stuff. No, what is tomato sauce? Tomato sauce goes with everything. Yeah, but it's not the same sauce, is it? No, because I'm a bit of a sauce connoisseur.

I feel like I'd sniff this one out if someone gave me the what-ies and I was like, what-ies? And they put it upside down and that carnival sauce come out. You know, the stuff that they dip the hot dogs in? I love that. Some people love it because it's super sweet. I'd know. You'd know.

It's pink too. You'd know. I'd know. It's pink too. You'd know. Thanks for your call, Sarah. Some more texts. Somebody said, I got a pair of Abibas. But I kind of just got them dirty and scuffed them a little bit. And you couldn't even really tell the difference. That was some absolute fake bourgeois.

Lots of people living that fake bourgeois lifestyle after a trip to Southeast Asia. Yeah. I got my Gucci top from the Vietnam markets for less than $5. Oh, my goodness. I've worn it to the soul bar in the Viaduct and people are like, I love your Gucci top.

Sorry, not sorry. That's brilliant. But I feel like I don't hang out with a single person that would ever be able to afford an actual Gucci top. Yes, you do. I'm saying like, what? actual Gucci top. Yes, you do. Because aren't they like, what? Oh, okay.

Yeah, right. No, but see, I'd still, okay, apart from that one person. But you know that all of her stuff's legit. But I know that everyone else would just be buying a rip-off and I'm cool with that.

Yeah, me too. I don't even care. I don't even go on national radio and tell everyone that my Gucci t-shirt was from AliExpress. I think Renaissance French poet Macklemore said it best when he said $50 for a t-shirt, that's crazy or something like that.

Go to a thrift shop or something. You're nuts, man. You're nuts. That's bananas. That's what he said in that song. My mum would only ever eat Best Foods mayonnaise, but dad was a cheap ass and he just could not get over how much more expensive it was than budget mayo. Well, because it's good mayonnaise.

Well, so dad would buy budget mayonnaise and tip it into the best foods jar. And mum was none the wiser. You would be. You would be. He was like, how much does she really love this mayonnaise? She just loves spending money on mayonnaise. Right. I think my favourite text is the wine one about the cask wine.

Yes. Mum bought one nice bottle of wine once and now just refills it about the cask wine. Yes. Mum bought one nice bottle of wine once and now just refills it from a cask to make her friends think she's a bit bougie. That's so great. Do you think she fakes

the like screw top clicking off? No, she just never fills it all the way up so it always looks like she's just had a little bit. I had one last night. She's had a little bit.

I opened this just before we came to give it a chance to breathe. Might I interest you in the house medium read? I mean, what? Central Otago Pinot Noir from 2014, of course. Somebody asked me, one of my friends has a beautiful collection of delicious, expensive spiced rums. Every time he runs out, he fills it up with Captain Morgan.

That's what my dad does with his whiskey. Really? Yeah, he's got one nice bottle. And then I caught him filling it up with like, I don't even know the brand. He just gets the cheapest one available and fills up his nice bottle. So his guests think they're being treated to something a little special, but they're just getting the cheapest junk there was. My dad, this is another dad with a bottle, got one bottle of

Pellegrino sparkling water. Am I saying that right? Pellegrino? Yeah. Pellegrino. I got it one once when he found it on Very Good Special but now he just buys 99 cent two litre pack and save soda waters.

And fills them up. And fills it up. But wouldn't you lose a bit of the bumble when you fill it up? Yeah, but then you've still got the nice bottle. Yeah, you've still got

the nice bottle. Pulls it for the fancy relatives when they come for dinner. Oh, they must be like, yeah. They think we're pretty bougie. But it's the same stuff in it, isn't it?

It's water. Yeah, it's water. With some sparkles. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody else said, my first iPod looked like the new iPhone. So I just used to pretend I was talking to somebody on it every now and then.

Oh my God, that's the best. Quite bougie. And the good thing about talking into an iPod is it can't ring. Yeah, it's so cute. You can't be faking it, can you? Yeah. My mum would buy us Costco jeans. Now, Costco coming to New Zealand. We talked about Costco and how cheap everything is.

Oh, yeah. And then she found online a roll of Levi's leather labels. Boom, we've had Levi's jeans ever since. It's a life hack. Where in God's name online do you find a roll of leather with Levi labels printed on it? Southeast Asia? AliExpress? Yeah, true, AliExpress.

What a great podcast so far, wouldn't you agree, Fletch? Yes. And it's all thanks to Spark. Get one gig of bonus data with the Spark U25 pack. Now, back to the podcast. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Did you know? No. Ah, cute. Nice. That a dash, a pinch, and a smidgen are actual measurements. I've always said a smidge was an actual measurement. What did you imagine a smidgen is? Like akin to a pinch maybe a little bit more

than a pinch. Ooh, it's half a pinch. Oh, is it? Yeah, it's half a pinch. So they use, what, a pinch in cooking, right? Like a pinch of sugar. A pinch of salt. A pinch of salt. A smidgen of vanilla essence. Really? That would be you'd use a teaspoon or a measuring device. Oh no, vanilla extract. Really?

That would be, you'd use a teaspoon or a measuring device. No, vanilla extract. You don't need to use as much. Right, okay. If you're using vanilla essence, you've got to go a bit harder,

but vanilla, they say to go overboard. I'm like, don't tell me what to do with my vanilla extract. So, but you could do a smidge of salt. That's just a wee.

Just a, and a dash is a, well, let's start with a dash because it's one of the biggest ones It's a liquid measurement A dash Right And it's one eighth of a teaspoon

One eighth of a teaspoon Well that's just one eighth of a teaspoon Surely we're not using these Outdated measurements anymore No but I'm just saying If you ever see a recipe With and it says a dash Oh they actually put it on recipes

Yeah If you say a dash It translates to one eighth of a teaspoon Now that would be hard to do How would I, it translates to one eighth of a teaspoon. Now that would be hard to do. How would I do that? I don't have a teaspoon that small. Good call.

Because there's a quarter teaspoon, you just half fill that. And it's hard when you're doing baking because you're like, you're real, you're trying to be steady and then you pour the vanilla essence for a teaspoon and then it goes all in.

Worst things have happened. Yeah. Then you've put in four teaspoons. Vanilla. When you go overboard with your sodas or your powders, that stuff starts to go like. Yeah. A bit spongy.

So the dash is one eighth of a teaspoon. Next is a pinch. A pinch traditionally just meant literally going between your finger and your thumb. Okay. And if you were to measure it out, it would be about one sixteenth of a teaspoon. Right.

And then it's half again of a dash, but a dash is always liquid and a pinch is not because you can't pinch liquid. What about you've got big man hands, giant hands, and then you've got petite skinny hands. Oh my God. My God.

Compliments. So, I know. And so your measurements would be different. Is it because I've got something I can't wash off my hands? Is that why you're saying they look a little bit more manly? I've got some grease in the cracks on my fingers and I can't get it out.

They do make you look manly. It does, eh? It looks like I've been bloody stripping a diesel wet. Yeah. Or something. Yeah. Just look at this guy's moisturiser. I know. Yeah. Or something. Yeah. Just look at this guy's moisturiser. I know. These hands are soft. These are the hands of a...

Never done a hard day's work. Of a marble carving. It's because I've got nice hand wash. Never, never cheaps out on hand wash. So a pinch is a sixteenth of a teaspoon.

So half again of before. Again, I don't know if teaspoon measurements even come this small. And then a smidgen is half of that. One thirty-tooth. One thirty-tooth? An actual smidgen, yeah.

One thirty-second? This is a hard one. I never quite know how to talk about one thirty-tooth. One thirty-second. One thirty-second? Just a teaspoon's close enough. One thirty-two. Well, actually, it's way too much.

It's thirty-two times the amount required for a smidgen. So today's fact of the day is that a pinch, a smidgen, and a dash are actual measurements. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Whoops, that was my bad. This is why Fat This is why Fat

This is why This is why This is why Fat Breakfast The most important meal of the day But not really Apparently that was never a thing

Until somebody wanted to market cereal Oh yeah right So they like started putting it out there That you need to start the day with food. But, like, you've been doing some fasting stuff, Magoos. Yeah. And, oh, that while you get hungry and I could never do it. I could cry a bit and Fletch would, like, probably punch us. I'd get hangry.

His anger is, like, Voldemort level evil. Yeah. It's like anything. Yeah. You just got to eat every now and then. You get used to it. Well, those sons of guns over at Kellogg's

have announced after years of a tried and true recipe. Yeah. They're branching out white chocolate Coco Pops. Oh my God.

Because I could just grab a box of Coco Pops and eat them as a snack. And watch TV in just a year. Many people do. So, as us as kids we could fake up Coco Pops Coco Pops and eat them. As a snack. And watch TV in just a year. Many people do. So, as us as kids, we could fake up Coco Pops with Milo and Riceys.

Yeah, that's what we did. How are you supposed to fake those up? You can't. Coco Pops are rice bubbles and then just melt with white chocolate. Or maybe you could use like a white chocolate like powder mix, like a hot chocolate powder. Yeah, but if you're going to buy that, you might as well just buy that. Yeah, because rice bubbles.

So they're launching this in the UK. It's apparently out. This is the review. Yep. It tastes very sweet and it might be a bit much for 7am. But there's Coco Pops too. The white chocolate is much more sickly Compared to normal Milk chocolate cereal The flavour didn't last long

After the initial sweet list You're left with The taste of puffed rice cereal The hopes of Because you know The best part about Coco Pops Is at the end

The leftover milk Is a milkshake Is yours The hopes of the white chocolate Milk were dashed too It just tasted like Vanilla super sweet milk Oh okay

I just sound ungrateful Yeah So I mean That's absolutely Right up your kids wheelhouse Like that's What you've just described just tasted like vanilla super sweet milk. Oh, okay. They just sound ungrateful. Yeah. So, I mean, that's absolutely right up your kid's wheelhouse. Like, that's what you've just described there. Oh, it's a bit much. A kid is like, there's no such thing as too sweet. Well, I'm an adult.

Get it out of my mouth. And that's fine with me. Oh, yeah, you love it. It says on the box, oh, by the way, there's not only the monkey, Coco the monkey. Apparently, he's got a new friend called Nula the narwhal. Oh, okay. I don't know if the name, would the narwhal be's got a new friend called Nula the narwhal. Oh, okay. Would the narwhal be in the Coco Pops? Unsure. They can't survive out of water.

Think about these things with your mascots. You've got to have a mascot that can survive in multiple environments. It says 30% less sugar than what? Pure sugar? Than Coco Pops. But it says asterisk, but I can't find what that is. Than sugar.

Than sugar. As long as they put the asterisks, they can put the other part of it anywhere. Down the bottom, it says this is based on a serving size of, I can't read it. It looks like it says 15 grams. That's not enough. So what's that? One breath of Coco Pops?

What? Two spoonfuls? It says it's just 6% of your daily recommended intake of sugars. So, UK, any word if that'll come here? God, that'd be great, wouldn't it? No word. No word if it's... Not that I ever eat Coco Pops, but I mean, I'd give these a nudge.

Just for old times. For something new. For old times sake. Yeah. Well, white Coco Pops, but I mean, I'd give these a nudge just for old times. For old times sake. Yeah. Well, white Coco Pops. This is why. This is why. This is why.

This is why. Fat. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Australia have updated their minor offences recently. Okay. And also the amount you can be fined for committing a minor offence. Right. What's a minor offence? To a lot of Australians, they didn't even know these

were against the law. Okay. I've got a list of the minor offences and how much they would cost you. Okay. In Australia. Unregistered pets. So when your pet is six when your dog is six months old or your cat is four months old, you've got to have it registered. You can be fined up to five and a half thousand dollars in New South Wales

for having an unregistered pet. On the spot, it's like $300. But then if it's like a dangerous or restricted animal or it's menacing or it's intimidating people, you can be fined significantly more. Not locking your car. I didn't know this. What?

But in Australia, in Victoria, the state of Victoria, you can be fined up to $360 if you don't lock your car I didn't know this What? But in Australia In Victoria The state of Victoria You can be fined up to $360 If you don't lock your car Because if your stuff gets stolen And you did nothing To try to prevent it from happening

The police have got to spend time on it Yeah but then that's not on you Someone broke into your car Yeah That's weird If it's unlocked Yep All they did was open it

If someone breaks into your car That's all good But if you're right Unlocked Having it unlocked Isn't like Oh okay you can steal it If it's unlocked, all they did was open it. If someone breaks into your car, that's all good. Having it unlocked isn't like, oh, okay, you can steal it. You can also be fine if you just leave the windows of your parked car wound down more than five centimetres. Because someone's arm could easily reach in. Well, you shouldn't leave your dog in the car. Probably not in Victoria where it gets 30-something, 40 degrees.

Yeah. Are you using offensive language in public? You can be fined up to $660 on the spot. What? That was yesterday. For swearies? Yes. Playing loud music out of your car.

Right. This is a new one. And this is what people are talking about, isn't it? Yeah, this is a big one because I believe this is new. $175 in Queensland or $200 in New South Wales. You get a warning first, but then attached to your licence number and your car number plate, there's a little mark saying this person's been warned about their music being too loud.

To your... Like electronically attached to your number plate. Oh, yeah, not like a stamp on there. So if they pull you over and run your plates and your licence, they can see you've been warned previously, so then you would get the fine the second time. Especially around suburban streets. Wow, okay.

People don't want that. Wearing your seatbelt on boat ramps. I would have thought once you get to the boat ramp you want to undo your seatbelt in case something goes wrong and your car gets pulled backwards into the water

you want a quick escape, don't you? Oh, you said you've got to be wearing it on a boat ramp. You've got to be wearing a seatbelt, yeah. A Queensland guy was fined $365 and three demerit points because when he pulled into the boat ramp

and someone jumped out he took his seatbelt off. Oh. But it was in a public area apparently. But you don't have to wear a seatbelt and three demerit points. Because when he pulled into the boat ramp and someone jumped out, he took his seatbelt off. But he was in a public area, apparently. But you don't have to wear a seatbelt reversing, do you? What? Yes, you do. If you're in a public area, you do.

In a car, you don't have to have your seatbelt on when you're reversing. Yes, you do. In New Zealand? Yeah. Do you have to wear... Yes, you do. Seatbelt while reversing Where did you There is no legal requirement to wear a seatbelt

If you're A. A driver who is reversing Or supervising a driver Thank you A driver who is reversing Driving a goods vehicle Do you know how I know this? Because I did When I did my license test in a room of people and it got to the oral questions, I was last and had used all the good ones.

And that was the one, I think you were allowed one wrong. Yeah. And I got that one wrong. And then he told me the answers and I was like. And now you always remember. You didn't wear it safe by reversing. It's so silly. Or something like, it was something like that.

That was like a lot, obviously a long time ago. Right. But you, because I'm guessing that, yeah, I don't know why it's weird. So also,

if you don't exceed 50 kilometers an hour, so this is used for examples, if you're delivering newspapers. Yeah. So if you have to get out of your car and your speed never exceeds 50 kilometers an hour, but you're constantly stopping and getting out, you don't have to wear a seatbelt either.

Or if you're a taxi driver waiting for a fare, You don't have to wear a seatbelt either. Or if you're a taxi driver waiting for a fare, you don't have to wear a seatbelt. Okay. If you have a certificate from a doctor saying you can't wear a seatbelt. No, you'd want to wear it when you're pregnant. Well, you would want to. Under, wouldn't you? Then over.

Yeah. Yeah, reversing. Crazy though, eh? Yeah. Yeah. It is a reverse all the way to work on the motorway. If you hate seatbelts. Just to wear no seatbelt.

Your gearbox will hate it. That's good stuff. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

ZM.